Celestial Reviews 253 - January 28, 1998
Note: A little boy was playing in his room when suddenly he heard
animalistic sounds emanating from his parents bedroom. He rushed to the
door and peered through the keyhole and was shocked by what he saw.
There on the bed were his parents, his father on top of his mother and
his mother's arms flailing back and forth. When his parents came out of
the bedroom, the little boy rushed to his mother and said, "Mommy,
Mommy, did Daddy hurt you?"
The mother replied, "Oh, no, baby, it's just what people do. When we
grow up, we roll around naked in bed and this is how we get babies."
The little boy was fine with that.
Several days later, when his auntie and uncle were visiting, he heard
the same sort of animalistic sounds coming from their bedroom. Again, he
ran to the door and peered through the keyhole and was shocked by what
he saw.
There was his uncle STANDING in the middle of the room and his auntie on
her knees before him with her head bobbing back and forth, back and
forth, back and forth. When they came from the bedroom, the little boy
rushed to his auntie and said, "Auntie, mother explained to me that when
people get big they roll around naked in bed and this is how they get
babies. But, auntie, what were you doing?"
Auntie laughed and said, "Darling', that's how we get jewelry."
Second note: I have to remember to stop picking on John Milton. I must
have just had a bad teacher when I studied Milton. It's really
unfortunate how one bad teacher can utterly ruin an author for a
student. Anyway, please find all my negative references to John Milton
and insert Henry James instead.
Third note: I am getting more requests for proofreading help lately.
If any of my previous volunteers have not been active recently and would
like to receive a new assignment, please contact me. Likewise, if you
have never proofread before and would like to give it a try, please
contact me. It can be fun! Finally, if you want the help of one of
these proofreaders or if you have requested help and have not received
it yet, please contact me. This is one of the best genuinely free
services in the entire world. Really!
Fourth note: One of my guest reviewers has suggested posting Story
Links with these reviews. These are the http locations in the a.s.s.m.
archive where these stories are stored. By simply pasting this address
into the proper place in your Web browser, you can get the story
immediately.
Initially, this sounds like a good idea, but there are some problems.
First, not all the stories are archived in a.s.s.m. Second, giving you
this information may overwhelm the a.s.s.m. archive or cause some abuse
that I am unaware of. I think Eli is doing a great job and I don't want
to make his life miserable. Third - and most important from my
perspective - it's too much work for me to do this alone. This is
because I usually get the stories before they are archived. To supply
the story links, I would have to go back after I have written the
reviews and find each link. My feeling is that I have exhausted my
public service by writing the reviews; but if someone else would like to
cooperate by getting the links for me, that would make the task
manageable. In fact, this might be almost no extra work for someone
else, who might routinely download all the stories I review after the
reviews appear in CR.
I am posting the links for several of the stories in this issue. {The
other stories either had no link at the time this went to press or were
too difficult for me to find.} I would appreciate you feedback - plus
any offers from volunteers.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Prick" by Lord Malinov (video voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
"Starlight" by SandMan (detective story sex) 10, 10, 10
"Grass" by Uther Pendragon (sex with a real stud) 10, 9, 9
"HetSex" by AdrBrown (lesbian subterfuge) 10, 10, 10
"Letter to Sarah" by The Bear (blindfolded rendezvous)
10, 10, 10
"Peggy and Brad" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (swinging)
9, 9, 9
Guest Reviews:
"Clinton" by Zifferman (political satire) 9.95. 9.9, 10
"Her Treatment" by Burnt Sienna (oral sex) 9, 7, 5
"My Lust For Anna" by Hap E. Meal (mutual masturbation)
3, 4, 3
"The Long Weekend" by Skull Duggery (sisterly sex adventure)
9, 10, 10
"The Couch" by Myschief (female masturbation) 9, 4, 6
"I Remember" by Louise (masturbation) 8, 9, 9
Reposted Reviews:
* "A Rude Awakening" by Michael Dagley (reformed
virgin on a binge) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Prick" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). Story
Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7776.txt
This is a story about Stephanie and Liz masturbating together while they
are watching Rick watching a tape of Stephanie doing an erotic
striptease on a videotape that she had made for Mark while Stephanie is
making the videotape that Stephanie and Liz are watching. That sentence
makes perfect sense - but only after you already know what the story is
about.
Rick is a real prick! That sentence also makes perfect sense - but only
after you already know what the story is about.
I guess you had better go and read this story, if you want to understand
this review.
Ratings for "Prick"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Starlight" by SandMan (sandman@bitsmart.com). Steve Whiley is a
private dick - a detective, that is. Crystal Dawn (about whom a country
western song should be written, if there isn't one already) is a netstar
who needs protection from a stalker. Steve gets the gig. My husband
says I am sexy when I use technical terms.
Crystal is a beautiful dame. She has the nicest set of teeth the author
has come across in a long time. The author didn't say that, but maybe
he will in another story. It's something Sergeant Friday would have
said, had he been allowed to say what was really on his mind. I think
Magnum P.I. actually DID say it once, but maybe that's something I just
made up.
The story is set in the future, at a time when soaps are virtual reality
on the Internet instead of the simple fare we have on TV now and when
earthquakes could be predicted so accurately that Californians time
their lovemaking to take advantage of the movement of the earth.
Hemingway would love that. Ernest - not the blonde Hemingway. Anyway,
they do sex about the same way we do it now, except that they
occasionally line up their beds to point to the epicenter. Imagine
that.
This is not so much a sex story as a very good detective story with sex
in it. I liked it a lot.
The most novel spellcheck mistake award goes to this author's accidental
use of "prescient" instead of "precinct" - unless P.I stands for Pussy
Inspector, in which case prescience would be more useful than a
precinct. At least I think so. Sometimes the gang down at the precinct
think they are prescient, but they probably just make a good guess now
and then about whether she's wearing panties or not.
Also, "uno momento" is a tiny amount of time in Spanish. A "memento" is
a sort of souvenir. Look for the word "memory" in the root. I am a
cunning linguist - a sort of a word dick. That's my job. Mark VII.
Ratings for "Starlight"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Grass" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). This is a story about
grass. Grass, my ass! This is a story about a real stud, a veritable
stallion who selects his filly from the herd, fucks her, and makes her
like it.
I am trying to make my reviews no more than 10% as long as the story.
So this review is finished.
Ratings for "Grass"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"HetSex" by AdrBrown (Adrbrown@aol.com) Story
Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7664.txt
This isn't really a "hot" story; but it's a very good one. It contains
essentially no explicit sex, but it held my constant attention for the
fifteen minutes or so it took to read it.
The narrator is a female career Air Force pilot who is a lesbian but
fakes sex with guys in order to be "certified" as acceptable in the Air
Force. It seems that the "don't ask, don't tell" policy doesn't really
work. The way she handles the problem is both creative and plausible.
The author uses an intensely interesting style that makes me hope she'll
post some more stories.
In the "You Learn Something New Everyday Department": "sicked" is a
legitimate spelling of the past tense of "sic," meaning "to set upon or
attack." But sicced is probably preferred. My spellcheck recognizes
neither of these past tenses. It thinks I was trying to spell first
"sickbed" and then "succeed." I just thought you should know that.
Ratings for "HetSex"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Letter to Sarah" by The Bear (thebear@io.com). Story
Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7237.txt
Sarah is a college girl. During her Christmas break she receives an
anonymous package containing a letter and some sexy lingerie. The
letter contains instructions to come to room 36 at the Deluxe Motel at a
specified time, wearing the lingerie on December 23. The letter also
instructs Sarah to put on a blindfold before knocking on the door and
gives a detailed description of what will happen to her thereafter.
Sarah cannot decide whether the package is from her boyfriend Brian, his
roommate Tom, or perhaps from someone else.
This is an interesting twist on the blindfolded-in-the-motel-room motif.
I really liked it.
Ratings for "Letter to Sarah"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Peggy and Brad" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (Sxjames@aol.com). Story
Link: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7719.txt
Emerson and Lynn are happily married, but they decide to expand their
horizons by swinging. So they place an ad, and soon they meet Peggy and
Brad for a one-night session. The sex is all spouse-swapping - no
threesomes or foursomes. It's really pretty hot stuff.
As I have stated many times in these Reviews, my husband and I are
monogamous. I say this not to try to convert you to our lifestyle, but
rather to give you the frame of reference from which I am reviewing this
story.
There are some good reasons to try swinging. For example, in this story
we learn that Brad is repulsed by even the idea of eating pussy and that
and that a new man's cock feels very good inside Peggy and that Emerson
has a gentle way of fucking that is quite different from the fast,
pistoning method Peggy is used to and that Emerson's cock can touch
places in her that Brad's has never touched before. That really does
sound enticing. I'm going to probably go to my grave having experienced
only a limited range of the fucking styles available on the North
American continent and with some parts of my innards completely
untouched by a man's cock.
A basic flaw in these swinging stories is that they present that
lifestyle with no problems. Even aside from the positive values I see
in monogamy, it seems to be just plain common sense that swinging
partners are at least as likely to be a pain in the ass as are marriage
partners. This thought rarely shows up in these stories. In addition,
they make the rather tenuous assumption that if hubby hits it off with
wife2, wifey will also hit it off with hubby2 - and all with no
jealousy.
But, hey! It's all in the spirit of good clean fun, and this is a hot
story.
Ratings for "Peggy and Brad"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Clinton" by Zifferman (zifferman@aol.com). Guest review by The One And
Only TDS. Story Link: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7627.txt
I can't help feeling I got carried away with this, but given the
circumstances surrounding the timing of this story's release and also
the impact events are having, I felt I should just let go!
Let me start this sucker of a review off with what I believe are a set
of germane quotes, speaking relatively to the situation now at hand in
and throughout America...if you believe our airwaves are dominated by
news shows that need to fill time and yap-yap talk shows that need to be
filled with trailer park trash...
"Image is everything."
- U.S./Wimbledon tennis champion Andre Agassi,
in commercial for Canon cameras (which SUCK).
"Frank's story about what happened is, to say the most, very
fascinating." (Pause, smile becoming an exasperated frown).
"To say the least, it's perjury!" (Laugh track)
- Benjamin "Hawkeye" Pierce, M*A*S*H episode
"Now, if it were a Republican that got laid, THAT would be a story!"
- Comedian Bob "Bobcat" Goldthwait to Arsenio Hall
The first quote is way, way, WAAAAY off the mark, in this case. For the
record, this story was posted to Eli's web page on Jan. 21 - to be
hereinafter referred to, historically, as Monica Lewinsky Day! The REAL
quote should be "TIMING is everything!"
Anyone out there wanna argue with that??
The second...well, if you know the particulars involving Lewinsky and
Paula Jones and Linda Tripp and Gennifer Flowers and all of THAT
gang...please don't be dead brained enough to have to ask! I and all
the other people who think for a living in this world have far more
important and interesting things to do, thank you very much...
As for the third quote...'nuff said!
The premise of this work is blatant: Bill Clinton is traveling the
country on a series of interviews and speaking engagements. Part of his
various appearances involve being grilled (I can't use the word
interview twice in a paragraph without looking like a no-brain geek) by
local reporters on "the issues." At one studio our hero comes in
contact with a female reporter who has the kind of body he wants to
grill, drill and fill...need I say more, faithful companion?
Some plot, of course. And the eventual outcome? OF COURSE he fucks
her, you idiot, what did you *think* was going to happen? Chelsea was
going to ask for a car so she could go necking or something?
At this point, I have to give a MAJOR compliment to the author: My
fellow American writer, you've got some damn solid talent here, in
particular a very facile mind regarding observations of situations! I
loved the part where you pointed out what today's politicians are like,
in terms of their handling and handlers - particularly your very well-
written paragraph on the process and techniques of their preparation,
which gave you major points in this review and is a must read for those
interested in the modern political world and its sundry and arcane
processes - but, most of all, I REALLY want to stand up and compliment
you mightily for (I am sure by accident) creating two phrases that may
end up in the American lexicon, even though you might not have intended
this to happen when you were writing: "modem Presidency" and
"modempoliticians"!
Absolutely perfect! Absolutely appropriate! Absolutely FABULOUS!
(WHOOPS!! Sorry, that's a registered trademark...aw, FUCK 'em! It
*STILL* applies). In those words you have coined the future of the
political and, by definition, communicative process of public discourse
and action in and throughout our nation in the years ahead.
I know you meant to say "modern", but this may be the first example of a
Freudian slip that came complete with shirt, tie, suit and two pairs of
pants! I left the socks and shoes out because you gotta go to *another*
store to get those...and speaking of another store...
Time for a rant, this one involving public perceptions:
The days of the whistlestop train, intimate Fireside Chats, cozy
relationships with public figures...all that's over. And THANK GOD for
that; I was getting pretty fuckin' sick of those staged scenes where all
was well on the outside even though the inside was simply so
dysfunctional if word ever got out all hell would break loose and all
involved would fall to bits. What I'm describing involves that cozying
up to celebrities of all types so they look better than good to the
average six-pack-suckin', beer-fartin', do-the-work, pay-the- taxes-and-
still-get-screwed-in-the-end human being referred to as the person on
(or, depending on the economy, IN) the street. Said same "cozying up"
accomplished with techniques developed throughout the years - and all a
setup, OBVIOUSLY, to those with the proper education, training and
sophistication - ranging from every single cutesy (and insipid)
Hollywood studio-supplied promote-the-stars newsreels to the unending
photo ops for politicians all over the place (now supplanted by cable
channels trying to grab onto anything they can think of just to fill
overnight air time) to every story - no matter the subject - that needs
a "spin doctor" of one kind or another (let alone those involved who
need lawyers, guns and money).
Americans of today are a much more observant and, overall, tolerant lot
than they were forty or fifty years ago. Whether or not they are a lot
of louts to be observed and tolerated is another question, given what
they're having to observe (and we're having to tolerate). Far more
offensive to all is open and outright illegality, as there has been so
much blatant hypocrisy spewed forth (Richard Nixon: "I'm not a crook!"
To which the appropriate response to that line is: Here's this tape
with the word "not" edited out!) that, as years have passed, people have
become inured, virtually, to any kind of two-faced behavior concerning
private morals between consenting adults. In short, the majority (the
Silent Majority; there's that goddamn Nixon prick again) will take
almost anything ranging from off color jokes to making the beast with
two backs at Madison Square Garden - so long as it does not involve
police or any other authority figures (see Mike Tyson, among others)
having to pull out their badges or handcuffs, file charges, sit down as
deliberative bodies and - horrors! - actually WORK for a living.
Some technical nits with the story, most of these are based on my
personal preferences involving copy and its visual presentation - in
short, I believe layout can increase dramatically the power of the
written word just as inflection can enhance the power of the spoken
word. But I'm not going to slam this story too heavily, in terms of its
technical merit. So, starting with a 10 and working backwards:
Deduct 0.1 point: I would have taken the line "It was pussy." and made
it a single paragraph on its own; setting it off would add a better
visual effect to the line's hilarity.
Deduct 0.2 point: After the phrase "scratchy balls," I would have added
the line "He was supposed to have brass balls. Unlike his wife Hillary,
who was nothing BUT brass balls." Can't forget you gotta have a lot of
brass to BE the President. Let alone be married to one.
Deduct 0.2 point: The phrase should be "PREdominantly female-guard
team" (You gotta read the story to find out why that idea sucked - but I
think you can get it from the subject matter).
Deduct 0.1 point: Not following up the crack about having to do guard
duty for Dan Quayle (YICCCH!) with the line "Especially guarding his
frigid titless wife Marilyn, who smiles like she could eat a pineapple
through a tennis racquet."
Deduct .05 point: Golf balls are covered with balata, NOT rubber (even
though it is a type of rubber, please use the correct term - this from
someone who once played to a 2 handicap)
ADD 0.5 point: "modem Presidency" and "modem politicians", watch for
these phrases from a newspaper columnist near you! WELL DONE!!
Deduct 0.1 point: Figures you have to have an undersexual husband to
make this work on her part...sheesh. What if hubby was a closet gay who
could not come out? HMMMM....to that:
ADD 0.15 point: Hillary being gay! Which leads me to believe THAT'S
the reason for all this perjury crap surrounding Slick Willy and Miss
Whatzthatbimbozenamethisweek: The "affair" was with HILLARY and NOT
Boner Bill, and he was getting this intern to shut up so his wife's
career - and his precious studly status - wouldn't be blown. Imagine
that! (And can you imagine the effect that would have on his ego, to
say nothing of his career? Everybody would start to call him "Ross"
because he made a woman go gay...)
Deduct 0.1 point: Female reporter protesting Clinton put his hands on
her buttocks - and there was no follow-up Forrest Gump reference of any
kind! For shame...!
ADD 0.1 point: Clinton's line "Puritanism died a terrible death some
time ago." Now *that's* a line a horny politician would think of!
Deduct 0.1 point: For forgetting Bush's poontang allegations.
ADD 0.1 point: For, thankfully, not thinking about NIXON fucking!
Deduct 0.15 point: Line that needs editing, mostly because it is good
evidence of carelessness. "We politicians be guilty of sexual
harassment." Something tells me some words are missing here...
Deduct .05 point: Ending of second section was abrupt, may need
reposting because it looks like some lines were cut off. Please resend
this part in whole to Eli and these points will be restored immediately.
ADD 0.1 point: Reference to Bob Packwood (WHATTA last name) being in
office at the time this story was written - which gives it a bit of
historical reference.
ADD 0.1 point: That paragraph concerning morality in the Middle Ages
and how it applied to sexuality. Not only are we talking a logical
fallacy here, but the author has managed to get away with it by making
the female comprehend it! Way cool!
ADD .05 point: The line "An inch doesn't equal a ruler." What a load
of shit! And she buys it! What I'd give to be that naive again.
Deduct 0.2 point: She does *not* perform oral sex on him.
ADD 0.2 point: The story *works* without it! And that's THAT!
By the way, in case you think Willy Clit-on is the only Leader Of The
Free World who GOT nookie while in office, all I can say is COME THE
FUCK ON! Take a read of this list:
* Chester A. Arthur, dubbed the handsomest man to be President, "kept a
whore on the premises" of the White House, according to no less a source
than one Harry Truman. "Back home, we called a fellow like that a
widower with means," went the line from the script of "Give 'Em Hell,
Harry"; although that statement may not be attributed directly to him,
it is still a riot to read!
* Grover Cleveland, before becoming president (TWICE), fathered a kid
out of wedlock (Ma, Ma, where's my Pa?/Gone to the White House, Ha Ha
Ha) and then married his *ward* Frances Folsomin the only time a sitting
President ever got married in the White House.
(although not scandalous but worth telling because it's a scream) *
Woodrow Wilson, a widower before marrying Edith Boling Galt (who herself
was a widow), had the lady to the White House one evening. The
Washington Post said Wilson "spent the night entering Mrs. Galt."
* Warren Harding fathered a kid with his mistress, Nan Britton, in a
closet at the White House (closet reportedly in the Oval Office - I
gotta check that part out).
* Franklin Roosevelt died at Warm Springs, Georgia in the presence of
his mistress, Lucy Mercer.
* Dwight Eisenhower, during WWII, was screwing his Jeep driver, Kay
Summersby, who was in the British army at the time.
* John Kennedy. Enough said.
* Lyndon Johnson reportedly had another canary besides Lady Bird (and
that chick had to see SOMETHING in that buzzard, man).
* Gerald Ford...nah, I'm from West Michigan, and he did too much without
his goddamn football helmet on...
* Jimmy Carter lusted after women in his heart (PLAYBOY said so) and
Roslyn, when last seen, was loadin' her scattergun in the peanut barn
and looking around somewhat ferally...
* Nancy Davis was two months PREGNANT when she wed Ronald Reagan.
* George Bush reportedly had extra Bush...NOT Busch, got that?
All this leads me to the one event that would confirm my worst and
deepest fears, trash my citizenship and run for Canada:
Some asshole of a revisionist historian alleging Abraham Lincoln was a
closet transvestite and George Washington was gay!
Ratings for "Clinton"
Mars: 9.95 (technical quality, especially in terms of linguistic
weaponry)
Venus: 9.9 (quality and believability of plot and characters -
*major* bonus points for sheer outrageous, and delicious,
timing of release)
Melmac: 10 (appeal to reviewer and his faithful sidekick Alf,
who NEEDS this job)
"Her Treatment" by Burnt Sienna (burntsienna@juno.com). Guest review by
Anne747 (Anon747@aol.com).
Darcy goes to the doctor, because even with her numerous sexual
encounters she has discovered she can't cum. And it's just not fair
that all of her girlfriends can. Nurse Candy and Darcy of course have
huge tits. The handsome Doctor with the raging boner decides that Darcy
can't cum because she's never tasted men's cum. Okay, what school did
he come from? Two quotes from the story:
"All her girl friends could cum. They described for her in lewd detail
how their pussies throbbed wildly and their titties tingled and their
minds exploded when some stud humped his cock deep inside their cunts.
It just wasn't fair that Darcy, with her bodacious body, couldn't cum
too."
"We've cured seven women in the last year alone, women like you who had
never had an orgasm. Just by teaching them to accept a man's cum into
their mouths. Now they are leading happy, rewarding sexual lives."
There you go, gals. To all women that haven't had an orgasm from the
infamous cock banging away in your pussy - don't you know that YOU
should be performing oral sex on HIM to do the trick! Nurse Candy of
course, is such a professional that she can cum just from tasting the
Doctor's pre-cum. Of course Darcy finds her lot in life, she cums three
times just from swallowing the doctor's cum. Yes, cock-sucking is the
way to orgasm ladies!
For those that missed it - yes, that was sarcasm. Oh, and there are 72
occurrences of cum, pre- cum, and cumming in the story. As a female
reader, I just find the whole story just plain silly. The idea of the
story held lots of possibilities, but it just became a male fantasy
piece (i.e., what women really need to do to have orgasms is give lots
of head). I'm not sure I'm being all that fair; perhaps a male reader
might have given it better marks.
On the bright side, except for the naughty words, and one misspelled
'condem' (which brought up condemn before condom!) the spell-check
didn't pick out any horrible problems. I often make the claim that I
personally write stroke fiction: I have no real desire to write literary
erotica. However, if this is stroke fiction at it's finest - boy have I
been writing the wrong kind of stuff!
Now, it's probably not that bad a story for stroke fiction. If your
idea of the perfect story is two large-breasted women kneeling on the
floor, blowing the doctor while they orgasm from cock-sucking, you'll
probably love it. For me, all it left me thinking of was how many
better stories could have come from this basic idea.
Ratings for "Her Treatment"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 5
"My Lust For Anna" by Hap E. Meal (singnfool2@aol.com). Guest review by
SandMan. Story Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7763.txt
In this story I (the narrator) and you (the woman) masturbate for each
other, whereby you cum violently and I manage to shoot all over you,
myself, and the bed. Next I lick your pussy until you have multiple
orgasms. By then I'm pretty much recovered and am able to have
intercourse with you as "I slowly slide myself into you." After I
ravish you, we make a little wager where "You begin to work me over by
moving your hips in circles, as if you were doing a hula dance."
If the summary has not totally alienated you, then you probably fall
within the target audience the Author has selected (predominately female
and a few men who are just biding their time until they can correct that
mistake). This is fine. Writing to a well-defined audience is a good
thing, as long as the audience knows who they are and when they don't
belong. I might note that it is often considered helpful if the author
knows and understands his audience as well.
As a male, I am not qualified to say if the story works for its target
audience or not. I can say with absolute certainty that this story
presents significant obstacles to its readers. The majority of these
obstacles lie in the complete lack of quotation marks. This makes
following the dialog tedious, confusing, and at times impossible.
Beyond punctuation and grammar most readers will find a writing style
that tends to interfere with their ability to suspend belief and become
an active participant in the story. This has nothing to do with point
of view and audience selection, but everything to do with the selection
of words, phrases and even the timing.
This story, I believe, makes a Celestial point good grammar can make a
marginal story readable (if not enjoyable), while bad grammar can make a
marginal story the subject of a bad review. I'm paraphrasing, of
course; I can't quote Celeste chapter and verse, at least not yet
anyway. As the story stands now I believe even the target audience
would find this a difficult story to read and thus difficult to enjoy.
SandMan's Ratings for "My Lust for Anna"
Athena (technical quality): 2 - There are spaces between words
Venus (plot & character): 2 - There's sex but it's hard to get to.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): - Influenced by gender and Athena.
{Celestial note: I think the preceding review is generally accurate, but
the ratings are too low. There are two problems with this story,
grammar and perspective. Since the reviewer is a male, he had to fight
both of these problems. Being a female, I myself had to face only the
problem of grammar. What I am saying here basically confirms what the
reviewer stated: good grammar can make a marginal story readable (if not
enjoyable), while bad grammar can make a marginal story the target for a
bad review.
In addition to the problems mentioned in the previous paragraph, this
author also has the disconcerting habit of occasionally stating the
opposite of what he meant to say. For example, the author states that
"I've never had orgasms more than 45 minutes apart." The context
clearly means he's never had two orgasms within 45 minutes. When a story
combines bad grammar, a lousy perspective, and self-contradictory
expression, you may wonder, "Why bother reading it?"
The main reason is because there's actually a pretty good plot buried
deep inside this mishmash. I suspect the author actually knows what
that plot is and thinks he has expressed it in this story. I would
wager that this author has not even read through the story once after he
"finished" it. He wrote the damned thing within 45 minutes - limiting
himself to just two orgasms at the most - and then pushed the Send
button. Most people can't do that! It's necessary to read and re-read
a story before posting it. It's usually best to have someone else read
the story and offer feedback. Had the author done this, he would have
discovered that the story he wrote is simply not the story that was in
his brain.
I would wager that with appropriate feedback from my proofreaders -
which would include plot adjustments as well as grammar corrections -
this could become a straight-10 story.
Celeste's Ratings for "My Lust for Anna"
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"The Long Weekend" by Skull Duggery. Guest review by BillyG.
When I was a teenaged male who knew everything, my working definition of
"kinky" was that practice I did (or wanted to) but wouldn't tell
anybody. Of course, a "perversion" was that which I would -never- do. I
probably regarded those positions of mine as firm, a clear-cut line in
the sand. Funny, but as I began to broaden my scope of sexual
acceptability, I didn't think I'd ever stepped over that line. Perhaps
nudged it a bit. In some cases, yards. How does that happen? How do
we come to change our boundaries?
"The Long Weekend," at least in the beginning, portrays how "nice girls"
come to move their line in the sand, how they slip into practices that
initially are regarded by most as kinky but soon take on an aura of
understandability if not respectability. The protagonists are two
attractive, hirsute sisters on a camping trip who, as the story unfolds,
come across as believable, even likable.
Ladies, ever want to be natural, let your underarm hair grow, even
regard it as a sign of your sexuality? How about having your nipples
pinched when you're horny and aroused? The younger sister of our duo
introduces these thoughts to her older sister in a surprisingly loving
way.
Ostensibly heterosexual, the thrust of this little story is largely
same-sex adventures with a strong exploration of the role of pain in
sexual arousal and gratification. It's all loving and consensual with
no violence or NC elements.
I am going to grade this story on the first of three chapters only, for
it's clear that Chapter 1 - which comprises about one half of the story
- is the long weekend. The other two chapters are of the same sisters
in some disconnected scenarios not really a part of the main story. By
confining the review in this fashion, I'm able to be much more positive
about "The Long Weekend."
Ratings for "The Long Weekend"
Athena (technical quality): 9 (annoying dialog formatting)
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10 (First half of the story only)
"The Couch" by Myschief (reverendix@juno.com). Guest review by DG.
Story Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7346.txt
This story is only 700 words long, so I'll keep the review
correspondingly brief. "The Couch" consists of one simple scene: a
woman is watching an X-rated movie on her VCR and masturbating. Nothing
out of the ordinary happens - she enjoys the movie, brings herself to
orgasm with her vibrator, and goes to bed. The writing is competent and
the woman's physical response is described in detail, but I really
didn't respond to the story because there is no plot or context. When I
was sixteen, a description of a woman masturbating might have gotten me
all hot and bothered: but at this point in my life it takes more than
just the mechanics of human sexual response to hold my interest. This
scene would work quite well as part of a longer story, but it doesn't
stand on its own.
Ratings for "The Couch"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 4
DG (appeal to reviewer): 6
"I Remember" by Louise (louise69@rocketmail.com). Guest review by
SandMan. Story Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7256.txt
"I Remember" is a story about a girl's first sexual awakenings and first
orgasm. This story starts out very well written. The build-up is
interesting, and the author does a great job with the dialog, character
history, and details. The elements are all there for the reader to have
a really, really good time.
Unfortunately, just when the story gets erotic, the narration begins to
break down. Until this point the story has been smooth and very easy to
read. However, when the story moves from titillating to hot most
readers will find a few key words are missing, wrong words are used
(here for her), and sometimes sentences that simply don't work. This is
enough to wrench the reader back into reality, yet this is the exact
time the reader least wants that to happen. It's like being in a
really sexy sports car doing a hundred and twenty and then finding the
road ahead is full of pot-holes.
The scenery around the pot-holes, however, is breathtaking. The rich
imagery of a girl in the throes of masturbatory ecstasy should be
exciting enough for most readers. Add to this the tender moments of a
first-time exploration; then add a hint of incest and lesbian fantasy
for a touch of the taboo, and you end up with a very evocative story.
Despite the problems, this is a good first story by a first-time author.
I recommend you read it, enjoy it, and realize the best is probably
still yet to come.
Athena (technical quality): 8-- Needs a good proofreading.
Venus (plot & character): 9-- Naughty, vivid, and oh so nice.
Sandman(appeal to reviewer): 9-- From a biased male perspective.
* "A Rude Awakening" by Michael Dagley (dagley@soho.ios.com). Story
Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7878.txt
I really hate this story! I sat down about 45 minutes ago to read a
story while I ate lunch. I had with me two ham sandwiches, a can of
Diet Coke, and an 18-ounce bag of potato chips. I would read "A Rude
Awakening" for ten minutes while I ate lunch and then prepare my classes
for the first week of the new school year.
I am now one chapter - 10,770 words and approximately 12 ounces of
potato chips - into this story; and I can't stop. My husband is not
home; the kid across the street is mowing the lawn, sweating, his
muscles glistening in the sunlight; Kathy Ireland is looking down at me
from my husband's calendar with a cum-hither look that would give me
blue balls if I had balls; and I have my classes to prepare for a new
semester. What's a girl to do? I guess maybe I'll just read another
chapter and see if this feeling goes away.
Well, I read TWO more chapters, at which time there was a lull in the
action. Then I fixed dinner and read four more chapters. Then I had to
wait for the author to post the rest of the story. Frustration Station!
This story contains an amazing blend of voyeurism and direct sexual
contact. For example, at one point Joey is getting head from Mrs. C,
who is insisting that he describe to her what he did with her daughter
earlier that evening, while Joey is making direct eye contact with the
daughter, who is safely hidden and masturbating behind the mother's
back. This is hot stuff.
I noticed the title words, "Rude Awakening," several times in the story.
The first context stated that at the time of the story, (June of 1965)
graduation from high school would be a rude awakening: war, racial
strife, assassinations, drugs, and other problems. Like many good
titles, however, this one has more than one meaning. The second time
the phrase occurred was after Joey and Terri had made love; it was a
rude awakening for Terri to discover the power of her sexuality. The
term pops up several other times in the story. The most significant
meaning of "rude awakening" is not specifically stated - just strongly
implied. The story begins with Joey an immature, sad, sexually-
repressed young man. He takes no chances with girls and women, because
he is afraid they will consider him to be rude. His friend and lover
Alice tells him he needs to risk being rude once in a while. When the
rudeness in him "awakens," he becomes a more mature, happy, sexually
responsive person. In fact, he becomes the neighborhood Lothario - a
term which you can either look up in your Funk and Wagnalls or infer
from the context of the story. And then he discovers that he has lost
something special - another rude awakening.
What do women really want? Polite men or rude men? The answer is that
different women want different blends; and even the same woman may want
a different emphasis at different times. Also it depends on what you
mean by "rude": in this story rude means that a guy does something that
a girl will like, in spite of the fact that a social custom or the
girl's inhibitions might oppose his action. I myself have been known to
use the phrase "Shut up and kiss me" - or an equivalent, more emphatic
phrase, which would indicate a demand for less "politeness." A very
important moral to this story is that it is often necessary to take some
risks in order to be happy. A very wrong conclusion would be that the
rudest asshole gets the girl - or the guy.
This author's greatest strength, I think, lies in his sense of timing.
For example, he has the ability to make me think I'm witnessing two
people getting hotter and hotter until they can't stand it any more; and
I can almost feel it when they explode. He seems to have an intuitive
grasp of what to tell me and when to tell it to me in order to maintain
my interest. My husband has a similar ability, but he accomplishes this
effect through direct access to my body parts.
The main "weakness" to this story is that at times the author seems to
want to cram too much sex into it. I have a theory about why the author
has done this. I suspect that he has contacted a publisher (whom I know
and respect, but will not name in this review) about publishing a
version of this story as a novel; and that the publisher insisted on
more instances of explicit sex. In fact, the publisher I am thinking of
makes specific demands, such as (1) a wide variety of sex that is likely
to be perceived as kinky, and (2) at least two separate instances of
specific sex per chapter. I know of at least one good author who has
simply stopped writing erotic stories because he felt that these demands
compromised his literary integrity.
I may be off the track in suggesting that the present author has
"padded" his story with extra sex in order to appeal to a publisher. I
do know that there are several instances where the storyline seems to
take an unnecessary turn that is unrelated to the overall plot.
However, not too many readers are going to complain about "too much hot
sex," and so I'll let these "digressions" slide. What I do know is that
I review another story ("Elizabeth & Anastasia" by Tom Bombadil) in this
issue of CR that is every bit as good as this one: and that other story
has about a snowball's chance in my pussy of ever getting published by
that same publisher. It's "too long on story" and "too short on real
sex." I think it's about time that that publisher (or some other
publisher) made it clear that it IS OK to have hot sex in the context of
a good story. The world is ready for good stories that contain hot sex
- without quotas and restrictions on what kind and how much explicit sex
needs to be included in each chapter. These stories don't need to
appear on news stands in the supermarkets; but they should be available
to mature adults who want more than a quick fix from their erotica.
As I reread the preceding paragraph, I realize I have overstated my
case; but I think I'll leave it. The present author HAS, in fact, done
a commendable job of trying to deal with the full personality of the
main character. This is an excellent story. In fact, if I would have
found this story without knowing the author's name, I would have guessed
that it was written by Delta, who made my Top 50 List of 1995 not once
but four times. That's one of the strongest compliments I can give to a
story.
Ratings for "Rude Awakening"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10