Celestial Reviews 245 - December 24, 1997
Note: I'd like to take this occasion to wish everyone a Happy Holiday
Season. I'm taking a week off to celebrate Christmas. I'll be
traveling and visiting relatives, but I'll take a bunch of stories on my
laptop computer. I'll be back with a full issue of Celestial Reviews on
January 3.
Second note: Around this time it's good to express thanks to people who
have helped out. The only danger in doing this is that I'll miss
someone. I'd like to express special gratitude to all my guest
reviewers. They have written reviews of over 300 stories in just a few
months. I'd also like to express public thanks to Eli the Bearded. Not
only does he run a.s.s.m. and write an occasional story himself, but he
also posts all my reviews in a manner that is much more convenient to
both me and you than would be possible through AOL alone. I'd also like
to thank Ole Joe, whose compendium of information about a.s.s. and its
authors is truly magnificent. In addition, I'd like to express
appreciation to all the people who make stories available - either in
the spam-filled environment of a.s.s. or on their personal web sites.
Finally, I'd like to thank the many people who have communicated with me
privately about various issues. I cannot always respond individually,
but I truly value your input and feedback.
As I said, the danger in doing this is that I'll forget somebody. So
I'll take this opportunity to apologize to the people I forgot to
mention.
Third note: A man in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a
fairly regular basis. After the second week, he makes his move.
"No thank you," she says politely. "This may sound rather odd in this
day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult," the man replies.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," she says. "But, it has my husband pretty
upset."
Fourth note: I have just been informed that Sami says that he has put
the Christmas stories I have reviewed to the web site at
www.gilglin.com/celeste/. So if you want you want to find these stories
quickly, you can look there. Thanks, Sami!
Fifth note: The Christmas stories keep cumming - er, I mean coming!
That's fine! I thought I was about finished last issue, but I have
eleven more to review here. It's OK to keep on sending them right up
until January 1. Also note that I found one more Christmas story for
which I am reposting a review.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Pommel Horse" by Estragon (childhood femdom) 10, 8, 8
"Dancing in the Dark" by Michael K. Smith (romance) 10, 10, 10
Celestial Christmas Story Contest:
"Snow Flake" by DG (psychic romance) 10, 10, 10
"Room with a View" by Mark Aster (romance at an orgy)
10, 10, 10
"Seduction" by A Magician (hot mm sex) 10, 10, 10
"A Very Rejected Christmas" by OddManOut Anywhere
(Christmas threesome) 10, 8, 8
"Winter Solstice" by Raven M. (medieval lesbian orgy) 10, 8, 8
"Christmas Dinner" by Tom Bombadil (poignant romance)
10, 10, 10
"Claustrophobia" by Adrian Hunter (sexual torture) 10, 10, 8
"Christmas in Scarsdale" by MrSpraycan (mild bdsm)
10, 10, 10
"Christmas Present For Kathy" by Unknown Author (anal sex)
6, 5, 5
"Stocking Filler" by Bronwen (Christmas magic) 10, 10, 10
"Dance With Me" by Ellen Hayes (outdoor sex) 10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Paris in the Spring Time" by Sexy Grrrl (menage a trois
en Paris)
"Katrina" by Hawk Richards (infidelity) 10, 6/9, 8
"A Bottle Of Dreams" by Tal Greywolf (sex fantasies & magic)
9, 9, 9
"Anglophile?? Me?" by Jules Chavrien (soldier on leave)
10, 10, 10
"Donna Murrey: Night Nurse" by Leo Sanderson (sex with nurse)
7.5, 8, 7
"Beneath the Bridge" by Brother Cadfael (risky quickie) 9, 9, 9
"Good Sport" by Phil Phantom (wife watching) 9, 7, 8
"Stripper's Delight" by Unnamed Author (sex with stripper)
6.7, 9.0, 4.7
"Candid Camera" by Teddy Bear (sex with model) 10, 9, 10
"Bora Bora" by Andres (sex in a commercial paradise) 8, 9.5, 9
"Behind The Barn" by Unknown Author (loosening up on the
farm) 9, 9, 8
"The 'Forbidden Fruit" by Ian Dodd (club pick-up) 9, 8, 8
Reposted Christmas Story Reviews:
* "All We Like Sheep" by MC Woodsmoke (mind control) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"Pommel Horse" by Estragon (RGT@WELL.COM). If you have read previous
stories by Estragon, you know that this author believes that the purpose
in life of boys and men is to be subservient to their female
counterparts. Old psychology books used to talk about "penis envy":
this author would probably prefer the term "penis embarrassment." A
major theme in these stories is that boys find their true happiness in
being humiliated or dominated by girls, and the sooner boys and girls
discover this relationship the better.
This sounds like a bizarre theory, but the author approaches it
seriously, and it actually begins to make sense. The present story is
currently incomplete; and even when it is finished I doubt that it will
be as good as this author's "I Learn to Think," which even males who
reject this thesis tend to find to be a thoroughly enjoyable story. But
the present story is still a very good one.
Fifteen-year-old Benjie has been selected to serve as a sort of living
audiovisual aid for a group of thirteen-year-old girls, who need help
mastering their roles as dominators of men. The early part of the story
describes his feelings - positives ones - about the prospect of being
naked in front of a group of girls who would see him, touch him, and
observe how he reacted when they swatted his penis and jolted his balls.
Benjie engages in some simple but highly philosophical reflections while
waiting, and the present part of the story ends with him being led by
two girls into the company of the other girls. "Dead man walking,"
Benjie thinks. But he's actually happy about it.
The author has posted the story and wants feedback now, and so I am
reviewing it before it is nearly complete. I know from experience with
this author's other work that all of this will eventually come together,
but right now there is a distinct impression of incompleteness - plus a
feeling that this whole proposition just doesn't make sense. I am
confident that that feeling will go away by the time I see the end of
this story. In other words, the ratings are likely to go up when this
story is finished.
Ratings for "Pommel Horse"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Dancing in the Dark" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@swbell.net). In
general, you can almost consider it a sure bet that a story that takes
place almost entirely on the floor of a dark closet will be neither sexy
nor romantic. But as my grandma used to say, "There's no such thing as
a sure bet." This story is both romantic and sexy. More romantic than
sexy, but still quite sexy.
The man comes home from work and can't find his wife. After a short
search, he finds her huddled on the floor in a dark closet. Her world
has fallen apart. The company in which she has held a good job has been
sold, and she has been fired. I suppose it was a choice between eating
worms and hiding in the closet. The romance, of course, lies in the man
demonstrating her worth to the woman while making tender love to her.
As I said, this story is both romantic and sexy. More romantic than
sexy, but still quite sexy.
Ratings for "Dancing in the Dark"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Snow Flake" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). I planned to just glance at
this story late at night and then read it in the morning. However, once
I started, I couldn't put it aside. My husband could wait. Heck, if he
fell asleep waiting for me, I'd feel guilty and make it up to him with
one of my famous blowjobs. By the way, that's the Second Blowjob
Principle: If you screw up, give the person for whom you screwed up a
good blowjob, and he probably won't care. This principle may fail for
someone else, but it has never failed me with regard to my husband.
Sometimes he even tricks me into screwing up so that I'll have to resort
to the SBP.
Back to the story. A man has to finish his thesis quickly, so that he
can get his Ph.D. and a job. He plans to shack up alone during
Christmas vacation at his parents' isolated cabin in the Adirondacks.
On his way to the cabin and in the midst of a huge snowstorm, he comes
upon <g> an overturned car, which contains the nearly frozen body of the
beautiful woman who (we may suppose) will become extremely grateful to
him for saving her life and who will serve as a major distraction with
regard to that thesis.
The woman turns out to be a psychic. We know this because (a) she says
so and (b) she has an aureole instead of an areola around each nipple.
Psychics are like that. Even the Lone Ranger's faithful psychic Tonto.
Actually, this paragraph is largely a sarcastic spelling lesson.
Since Alan is a scientist, he doesn't really believe Dee is a psychic;
but because she is very grateful and appears to be interested in
applying one of the Blowjob Principles as a means of expressing her
gratitude, he decides to play along. As the author puts it, "....
something about Dee made it seem natural and right." I won't tell you
any more of the plot, except to say that the sex is very hot and well
integrated into the story line. The story is sort of a hedonistic,
druid version of an episode from "Touched by an Angel."
Here's an example of an ambiguous expression: "After laying the cold,
limp body on the couch...." It would have been better to say "After
laying the cold, limp body DOWN on the couch...." or "placing the body,
etc." Especially with a dead body, the present phraseology sounds like
necrophilia. Actually, the grammar is NOT a serious problem in this
story. This is an exceptionally well-written story, and I enjoy finding
minor problems with nearly perfect expression. That's why I'm an
English teacher. As my husband once said, "If you're going to be a
bitchy perfectionist about one of the two things you're exceptionally
good at, I'm glad you chose to be an English teacher."
Ratings for "Snow Flake"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Room with a View" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). Malinov has
apparently been coordinating some sort of cyber-orgy to celebrate the
winter solstice. I don't know much about it; but that's OK. I think the
orgy is taking place at Malinov's web site. This story is associated
with Malinov's orgy, but it still makes good sense to me as an outsider.
The narrator meets a woman at the orgy and they talk seductively. Then
they go to a room and fuck. That's the short version. Aster's version
has more details and is more likely to make you feel good inside.
Grammatically, that final adverb can become a preposition if you add a
proper object after or while reading this story.
Ratings for "Room with a View"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Seduction" by A Magician (a-magician@mailcity.com). Because of a failed
marriage, the narrator has become seriously depressed. Seeing little
meaning in life, he finds himself poverty-stricken and practically
homeless on Christmas eve in Atlanta. Because the YMCA where he is
staying is crowded, he is assigned a roommate - a handsome young man who
comes on to him and eventually seduces him.
It turns out to be one heckuva sexually intimate one-time encounter.
The narrator does not "become" gay, but he thoroughly enjoys the
experience, and it rejuvenates his life. The author does an excellent
job of vividly integrating past memories with current sexual
experiences.
If this involved women, I would label it "hot ff sex," and readers of
both genders would enjoy it. However, I suspect that since this is "hot
mm sex," some men will not enjoy this story. I personally did enjoy it
very much, and I urge you to take a look at it with an open mind.
Ratings for "Seduction"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Very Rejected Christmas" by OddManOut Anywhere. This story purports
to be a rejected letter from the Penthouse Forum. Like almost all those
letters, it begins, "I am an avid reader of your magazine, but I never
in my wildest dreams thought that the stories you print could ever
happen to me. That is, never until last Christmas eve!" In spite of
being a 5'8" blonde with a 36C-22-36 frame, Lisa is still a virgin at
21. No! I know what you're thinking! This is not a letter from ME. I
am not a blonde.
The plot is not exactly complicated. Lisa and her friend Pam go to
Florida for Christmas vacation, so that Lisa can get her cherry popped
by the sexy guys who surely must hang out there. The find no men to
speak of, but Santa finds Lisa and Pam; and he fills Lisa with his
throbbing north pole in the midst of numerous other cliches. In fact,
the main purpose of this story is to relate as many Christmas
expressions as possible to sexual activity. Lisa has her best Christmas
ever!
Ratings for "A Very Rejected Christmas"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Winter Solstice" by Raven M. (adennehy@internetMCI.com). When Queen
Guenivere leaves them alone for a while, the ladies of the Round Table
decide to find a way to celebrate the winter solstice. The druids
celebrate with lovemaking; but the ladies' husbands are all gone on a
hunt or quest or something. What are the women to do? Well, have a
lesbian orgy, of course.
I did not find the sexual descriptions to be exceptionally vivid, but
the medieval atmosphere did enhance them. This is a very nice story!
Ratings for "Winter Solstice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Christmas Dinner" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This is a very
touching story about a wealthy man who has found meaning in life by
working at a soup kitchen that serves the homeless. As the title
suggests, the focal point of the story is Christmas dinner. The story
contains very little sexual activity: it's romantic rather than sexy. I
can tell you no more, because people who like this sort of story usually
enjoy discovering the details by themselves.
Ratings for "Christmas Dinner"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Claustrophobia" by Adrian Hunter (adrian_hunter@hotmail.com). My
Christmas contest has evoked all kinds of entries. This one may be the
most unique entry. I know, I know - "unique" doesn't have a comparative
or superlative. Either something is unique, or it's not. This story
proves that rule wrong. This one is probably the most unique entry.
The woman works for a senator in Washington DC. Some time ago, she had
exposed a jerk she worked with as a fraud - specifically, she obtained a
sexually embarrassing picture of him and circulated it among his
colleagues. As the story begins, somebody (she assumes it is this jerk)
is not exactly raping her, but he's abusing her very cruelly while a
Christmas party is going on nearby. But that's not the only connection
with Christmas. To find out more, you'll have to read the story.
This story is extremely well written. My rating of "8" for appeal to
reviewer is probably a personal quirk. Those of you who enjoy a clever
torture story may find this to be one of the best of that genre.
Really!
Ratings for "Claustrophobia"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Christmas in Scarsdale" by MrSpraycan (mrspraycan@mailanon.com). This
is a follow-up to "Christmas Carole," which I reviewed in CR 242. The
time is still 1941. In fact, it's just one day later, and Carole is
beginning to bring Pat out of his secluded sexual existence. His
lessons for today are lesbianism and mild bdsm. Pat is shocked and
elated to know that there are women in the world like Carole - women who
crave and enjoy sex as much as men do and who want to be dominated by
sexy men like himself. He is excited by the very thought that one of
these women considers him to be the perfect stud. Meanwhile, Carole
seems to have her mind set on a new lifestyle that involves her and Pat
being together a lot more often.
I suspect that MrSpraycan has a lot more stories for this incipient
series. This story could stand alone, but I would recommend reading the
other first.
Ratings for "Christmas in Scarsdale"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Christmas Present For Kathy" by Unknown Author (posted by
storiesman@aol.com). The man is driving Kathy are coming home from a
formal dinner, and they stop off for a peep show. They go into the
booth in their formal attire and proceed to hump while the woman on the
screen gets her ass fucked. The action is badly coordinated. Neither
the plot on the screen nor the plot of this story has much to offer.
Oh! This is called a Christmas story because they were coming home from
a formal party on Christmas eve.
Ratings for "Christmas Present For Kathy"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Stocking Filler" by Bronwen (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). The husband
has promised to get the best Santa costume ever. The wife has skipped
midnight mass and has sexed herself up to give Santa the ride of his
life. The rest of the plot is easy to guess: the wife will fuck the
brains out of the wrong person. Right? 'Tis a simple plot, but Bronwen
will make it interesting. Right?
Well, close - but way off! This is an extremely imaginative, highly
sexy, magical, just plain erotic story of Christmas sex. I'm not even
going to try to summarize it any further. If you're interested in
Christmas or sex or pagan gods or anything in between or all of the
above, you'll love this story!
Ratings for "Stocking Filler"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Dance With Me" by Ellen Hayes (ehayes@nym.alias.net). The rules of
this contest said I would interpret the Christmas theme loosely. In
this case the story is about a high school Christmas dance, but David
doesn't even go into the gym where the dance is being held. While
waiting for his date, he is diverted to a different, very romantic
location by an exceptionally attractive strange woman, who initiates him
into the rites of sexual pleasure. There's a lot more to the story than
this, but I really can't say much more without ruining it for you.
The author writes in a flawless style that makes the complex plot easy
to follow. This is an extremely good story.
Ratings for "Dance With Me"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Paris in the Spring Time" by Sexy Grrrl (bigsexygrrl@hotmail.com).
Guest review by Mat Twassel.
This is a chapter from a longer work: "Education of a Princess" by Sexy
Grrrl. I haven't read any of the other chapters, but this one is just
interesting enough to tempt me to take a look for them. The story line,
what there is of it: a man takes his 18-year-old niece to Paris. They
flirt on the plane, tease each other in the taxi, go to a French bar and
pick up a French boy and take him back to the hotel.
Probably the best paragraph of this short chapter describes what
happened with the French boy:
It was never enough, then. We could never go too far. A
stranger in a bar, a gorgeous boy she made idle small talk
with, flirting in her broken French, became a partner in our
passion one hour later. His dick in her mouth, my dick in
her ass, watching him shudder with pleasure at the feel of
her tongue. His surprise when I wanted to watch them, as he
fucked her for what seemed like hours. But that was not what
I wanted, not like that. Not for him to make love to her, to
kiss her gently, lick her nipples, make her sigh. To whisper
sweet names to her in French, to kiss her tender eye lids.
It was lovemaking, when I wanted fucking, to see her fucked
and ridden. The sweetest orgasm I had ever seen, and why was
mine so bitter? She fucked him right in front of me,
and I was all alone. Her smile as she looked up at me,
pleased with herself afterwards. She kissed him good bye at
the door, then curled up in my lap. Eager to be reassured,
yes I'd liked it, she did well. And did I see him from where
I was sitting, could she have been angled better, a little
to the left? Could we go again tomorrow, should she dress
like more of a slut?
In next paragraph, the finale of the chapter, the couple is flying home.
The guy lets the girl give him head in the airplane bathroom, and then
back in their seats, he smells her hair while she sleeps against his
shoulder.
The writing is far from awful, but the tenses go all over the place for
such a short trip, and often even the action, what little of it there is
for such a dense story, has the feel of summary. Maybe that's what the
author intended--kind of a confused wistful reverie. These aren't flat
characters, but I was much more interested in the girl than in her
narrator Uncle. Too bad he didn't really give her to me.
--Mat Twassel
"Katrina" by Hawk Richards (hawkrds@aol.com). Guest Review by M1ke
Hunt.
I reviewed what I believe was Hawk's first story in a.s.s.: "As The
Paige Turns". I killed him, then praised his rewrite. I've read a bunch
of his stuff, and have enjoyed almost all of it. "Katrina" is shorter
than most of his work, and suffers for it.
Before the nits which I pic, let me say Hawk's writing has improved, is
more fluid, and most important!! - he's learned to use the spellcheck.
<g>. He also sets up a scene nicely and gives just enough flavor to the
characters to get started.
But that's where my criticism begins, because he doesn't take to the
next plateau. We meet Katrina and Joseph, her lover, and we worry with
her about her unfaithfulness to her husband Carl. We go through the
obligatory sex scene, and just as the story introduces an element of
plot, "Katrina" ends.
Methinks Hawk was trying for a "surprise ending" but it flashes by too
quickly and is too trivial, and where there should be drama there's only
a concluding sentence or two.
"Katrina" is a story well written right up to the point where it should
become a story. Oops, then it's over.
Ratings for "Katrina"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot/character): 6/9
Mikeus (appeal to reviewer): 8
"A Bottle Of Dreams" by Tal Greywolf. Guest review by Kim.
I'm not really a lover of fantasy. Which may seem an odd thing to say
coming from a reviewer of sex fantasies, but what I mean is
extraordinary fantasy stuff. Which is a pity, because I believe this
story to be a pretty good example of the genre.
This will doubtless mean many people will disregard what I've got to say
on it, which is fair enough; but I'm going to try and be as fair as
possible, given my standing prejudices.
It's a tale of magic, morphing, ancient beings, and profound wish
fulfillment, all set in modern times.
Our hero, Andrew, wanders into a "Magickal Supply Shoppe" in the French
Quarter of New Orleans. There he is presented with a mysterious bottle,
that the wizened old shopkeeper assures him will deliver all his wishes
and desires.
Being slightly skeptical, Andrew nevertheless accepts the bottle and
takes it home.
Well wouldn't you know it, but lurking inside it is a babe of a Djinni.
An ancient race of thought-reading, shape-shifting supplicants, whose
only desire is to please their human master/mistress. Hmmm... never
happens to me, dammit!
Surprisingly unfazed by this astonishing revelation, Andrew begins a
whirlwind romance with Aluria, the Djinni. This involves pretty much
what you might expect a young couple in love to get up to, plus quite a
few that you probably wouldn't.
I'm not sure how I would react to a man who has a burning desire to turn
me into a tree, but each to their own I guess. The furry crowd will like
the many half-man half-beast sexual encounters, but they did precious
little for my libido, unfortunately.
The thing I did like was the overwhelming sense of caring and love that
the author has poured into his characters. They are believable within
the bounds of the story line, and the relationship they form is really
quite touching. I was more than pleased to see a happy ending to the
final problem that befalls them.
As for the technical writing, well, it was a pretty long and leisurely
paced story, but I'm sure the author fully intended that. Although slow
it was captivating and interesting throughout. If you like your sex
stories filled with folk who can melt into puddles and flow into each
other, then I guess this is the story for you.
I can't say that I have a great desire to seek out any more of the
authors stories, but that has nothing to do with his story telling or
writing abilities, more to do with my lack of appreciation of adult
versions of "I dream of Jeanie". And if that sounds harsh, I don't mean
it be, I actually used to like that show quite a lot as a youngster.
Ratings for "A Bottle Of Dreams" by Tal Greywolf
Athena (technical quality): 9 (Nicely done)
Venus (plot & character): 9 (Slow and unsensationalist)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 9 (Despite all I said above, I enjoyed
it from a fairy tale point of view)
"Anglophile?? Me?" by Jules Chavrien (legallert@aol.com). Guest review
by Sven the Elder.
In what I view as a serious lapse of personal judgment in requesting
that I consider carrying out this review, Celeste wrote to me, and I
quote: " I am sending them to you, because you are an official
representative of the UK." ROFL, Celeste - I love it but I fear there
may be others who would consider otherwise. But you just became my
Fairy Godmother for this Christmas. Now I have to try and be serious
<cough! - cough! - still smiling!>
Before Celeste had sent this story to me, the Brit in me had already
latched onto the title and demanded that I read it. I have; and having
enjoyed it, I have also said as much to the author - remember the blow
job principle and Celeste's slogan - 'Have you given your BlowJob for
the Day?'
Back to the job in hand - Sorry! the review. The story starts with our
hero explaining that he was an American soldier aged early twenties,
stationed in mid-France in the early sixties. He is going on leave and
has decided to visit the UK; hence the title declaration. His story is
woven around the tale of that leave, meeting and making friends with
another Frenchman, a girl from Israel, and lastly an American girl from
New York. They fly to London and stay there together while they get to
know each other, very well; indeed, intimately. It is a hot story, the
sex is good and well described. The background of London in the sixties
is accurately described. (Been there, seen the fogs, got the t-shirt,
know the area - well!) To describe the story in any more detail would
spoil the narrative: the writer does it very well. This is a good
story, well written and most enjoyable.
Ratings for "Anglophile?? Me?"
Technical quality: 10
Plot & character: 10
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Donna Murrey: Night Nurse" by Leo Sanderson. Guest review by Anne747
(Anon747@aol.com).
I have a couple of mixed opinions about this piece. First let's talk
about the theme/plot of the story. The narrator of the story, Ron, is
involved in an accident and breaks both wrists. After a period of time
he becomes involved with the night nurse, who has some interesting ideas
of therapy. I remember years ago watching a rather tacky, but arousing
porn flick about nurses. I don't know, I'm guessing the appeal is the
outfit - maybe the white is a purity thing. The thrill seems to be
about them `coming out' of their shell.
So, the story has some potential. One minor flaw that should be fixed
is the formatting. I'm talking about mainly punctuation here -
sometimes no spaces after commas, sometimes a space before, sometimes a
period instead. It's just slightly distracting, it draws your eye away
from what you're reading. The writer has also tried to build a little
tension by delaying the sexual activities, kind of a slow burn idea. It
just could do with a few changes to make it work better. A few scenes
seem to end very abruptly. Perhaps a few sentences here and there could
fix it. (If the author is reading this - I'd be quite happy to give you
a specific example of what I mean.)
Now, it has been brought up a number of times that proofreading is
important. I've found it is still possible to miss errors when I do my
own, so it does help to have someone else do this. However, a spell
check is a must, really. There are some obvious spelling errors which
could be eliminated easily. As a matter of fact, most spell checks will
help you pick up some of the formatting errors too. If you're into the
naughty nurse thing though, most of these things likely won't bother you
too much (okay, well it will bother some). I think actually with a
little work, it could be a much better piece.
Oh, and if I may be indulged a mini `pet peeve'.... avoid using cock
sizes and bra sizes. I have been impressed by many things over the
years with the men I have dated. Just having a large cock is not one of
them. It may also be a cliche, but size doesn't matter. Frankly, it's
other talents I'm much more interested in <grin>.
Ratings for "Donna Murrey: Night Nurse"
Athena (technical quality): 7.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Beneath the Bridge" by Brother Cadfael. Guest review by Mark Aster.
This is a decently-well-written story about a couple who go out to a
movie, but really to have sex, and overcome various barriers, both
physical and spiritual, on the way to their orgasms. As the author's
synopsis says, "Two lovers, one married, rendezvous beneath a bridge."
They get to the nice dark place under the bridge, though, only after
building their passion up during a movie, and after being discovered by
the security cops the first time they park, in a mall parking garage.
Watching this couple, so clearly hot for each other, trying to get to a
good place to consummate, is a nice study in tension.
If this story has faults, they stem mostly from the fact that it is part
of a series of stories, and the series seems to be drawn from real life.
It's dangerous to write from real life, since real life doesn't always
make any narrative sense. Also the person who has experienced those
bits of real life will sometimes not realize how much of the familiar
background is in fact unfamiliar to the reader. I didn't really get why
they felt they had to make love in the car (rather than going back to
his place, say, or checking into a by-the-hour motel); and I didn't get
why they had to worry about the time and what her husband might think,
since her husband knows they're going out, and knows that they've been
lovers. I'm sure the author knows, but I found myself wondering.
The emotional thread running through this story is that the two were in
love, or at least emotionally involved, once, but now they are just
friends, or even acquaintances, that use each other for sex. The
narrator says this several times, even harps on it. Probably the other
stories in the series would convince me that it was true if I'd read
them. In reading this story by itself, though, and ignoring the
narrator's protestations to the contrary, I would have guessed that
there was at least a deep mutual affection here, and probably love.
While the narrator says several times that there isn't, the action
doesn't convince me. On the other hand, I got the impression that the
author believes what the narrator says (i.e. this wasn't intended as an
unreliable-narrator piece).
But anyway, I'm harping on with critique for the author, rather than
review for the reader, again. Sorry! This is a nice hot MF story, in
which the tension is built up nicely, and the sex described well.
Recommended.
Numbers? Probably straight nines, here. I'm really not good at
numbers...
"Good Sport" by Phil Phantom (Ole.Joe@poboxes.com). Guest review by
Dart.
If you enjoy typical wife watching or wife sharing stories, then I think
you'll enjoy this one.
Innocent, good sport Jerry marries his innocent childhood sweetheart,
Pam, when they're both fresh out of school. He gets a good job with a
heating and cooling company, and they try to fit into the company's
social life because Jake Barnes, the company's owner, believes it's
important for his workers to do so. Of course, all the workers are male
and the shop is decorated in a rather lusty fashion, so that on those
occasions when a still quite innocent Pam brings Jerry his lunch, her
face turns crimson and she walks through the shop as if she had blinders
on.
So after his probation period is up, since he's a good worker, Jerry
feels that his job is secure as long as he continues to fit in. It's now
the time for him and Pam to buy a house, and start planing for a family.
They do buy a house and then, as soon as they have committed to a
mortgage, Jake suggests than Jerry host the next Friday evening poker
game. Jerry's not too happy about this. He knows that Pam doesn't
approve of gambling. And when Jake also suggests that Pam is expected to
play the sexy hostess at the gathering, Jerry's really unhappy. Still
the mortgage is signed. What choice does he have? When he tells Pam, she
naturally throws a fit. But after stewing for a few days, she also sees
the need for her to be a good company wife.
And as she prepares for her hostess role, innocent Pam transforms
herself into exactly the kind of hostess she thinks every all male poker
party desires. And for this poker party, she's right; she's a big hit
with Jerry's boss and seven other of his coworkers. Such a big hit, that
by the end of the party, she's been offered a permanent job with the
company. You'll have to read the story to discover her official title,
but one of her duties will be light typing. Oh, and after the house was
bought, there was still family planning to consider, the details of
which are spelled out in the story.
Very few wife sharing or wife watching stories have plots and characters
that are believable. This story isn't one of those few. Given that
constraint, it's a pretty good story.
Ratings for "Good Sport"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Stripper's Delight" by Unnamed Author {Note from Celeste: This story
contains a message from the author in the disclaimer, but no name or
address.} Guest review by Jubjub (jubjub@flash.net).
Plot: Rich man has a date with a stripper he meets at a club.
This story is straight sex and very vanilla. Now before I start hearing
from y'all about how straight sex is NOT boring, let me be the first to
agree. Vanilla can be very intense. But not always. And not this
story. It could have used a severe editing.
The problem was not the spelling, though there were some minor mistakes.
The problem was not the punctuation, though there was a problem with
comma placement. The problem was the grammatical structure of the
author's sentences. While they were grammatically correct, they were
too long winded. It completely killed the rhythm and pacing. The
occasional short sentences were mainly asides and were badly placed. In
fact, the style seemed reminiscent of a hack reporter.
This problem affected the characterization. Even though the story
remained focused on the two central characters (something that most
erotic writers have no problem with, anyway), it spent too many words on
describing physical action instead of portraying the characters'
reactions. This, in fact, is what made this story feel like the work of
a hack reporter. This is not to say that characterization was ignored,
but it dwelled too much on the character's history and physical
movement. This is sufficient (though hardly great) if the writer were
describing BDSM. But if the author is trying to convey hot straight
sex, fewer hackneyed phrases and descriptions would have helped. The
reason I rated the characterization as high as I did was because the
author did keep the characterization cohesive and consistent. That
counts for a lot. Unfortunately, it does not make up for deficits in
other areas.
In the end, the story simply did not appeal much to me. The dialogue
was interesting but did little to advance the plot or characters. You
did not sense the individual voices. The descriptions were rather
overblown. A severe editing would mandate that many of the adjectives
be cut. This was a story that had potential--I most certainly felt it
throughout. But this potential never developed. I felt stirrings, but
it never came to fruition.
Ratings breakdown:
Technical: 6.7
Characters: 9.0
Appeal: 4.7
"Candid Camera" by Teddy Bear (storiesman@aol.com). Guest review by
David Rills.
This story chronicles a common fantasy which has been used many times as
the basis for a story, A photographer screws his sexy model. The
narrator, reluctantly taking a mundane job in a photo store hits upon
the idea of setting up a studio in a vacant back room. Soon, a
beautiful, shy, and aspiring model appears for pictures.
While there is nothing new about the story line, it is well written and
the idea of oiling up the nude girl to make her look better for the
photo shoot really turns me on.
Ratings for "Candid Camera"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
David (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Bora Bora" by Andres (Me@somewhere.why). Guest review by Piper.
What is Bora Bora? From what I can gather, it's either an island
somewhere in the Mediterranean, or it's the name of a Club Med resort on
an island somewhere in the Mediterranean. Now for you two or three
people who don't know what Club Med is, it's a consortium of small
resort towns spread throughout the Mediterranean area who got together
years ago, set some minimum standards for service, accommodation,
pricing, security and crowding, and started advertising themselves as an
alternative to the few big, overcrowded, overpriced vacation
destinations that existed at the time. They've been wildly successful,
and now have many imitators all around the world.
What's the attraction? Sun, surf, sand, exotic locales, even more
exotic cuisine, lowered inhibitions, raised libidos, beautiful babes,
handsome hunks, clothing-optional beaches, and lots of fantasies come
true. It also helps being a half a world away from all the normal cares
of life. Andrew, our hero, is looking for all of the above (except the
hunks of course). He finds most of them in the form and person of
Andrea, a drop-dead gorgeous flight attendant, who just happens to be
taking a few days off and spending them in Bora Bora. What a
coincidence!
They spend a day or two getting to know each other, while Andrea teases
Andrew unmercifully. She _loves_ teasing. Andrew isn't really sure if
she is ever going to relieve his aching nuts of their burden of joy
juice, but he goes along with what she wants anyway. She is, after
all, more beautiful than any woman he has ever seen before in the flesh,
and she displays a lot of flesh, what with removing her bikini top, and
wearing nothing more than a thong bottom. Andrew almost creams his
shorts when he gets to smear sun tan lotion all over that luscious body.
(Andrew and Andrea - might I hazard that the author, Andres, might be
following a pattern? Maybe?)
Does he ever actually get his rocks off, or is this story all tease and
no action? Are you kidding? This is a guy fantasy! Of course he does!
It's just a question of where, when, and how hard.
I liked the fantasy, although I found the locale a little too unreal. A
90-acre resort with three swimming pools and a private beach, and only
35 units for rent, total? With three restaurants? Really? (I have no
idea if this is an actual place or not, but I haven't yet found a resort
this nice.) Still, the teasing was a lot of fun. Personally, I
wouldn't have bet the same stakes Andrew did, even for Andrea. I prefer
preset limits to funtime activities. That's my cautious nature showing
through. "Anything goes" is simply too dangerous with a stranger.
There are some problems with the story. POV frequently changes from
past to present to past again, and most of the usual typos and misused
words can be found somewhere in the story. Punctuation is also rather
unusual in places. Still, it's quite readable despite these flaws. One
thing to be aware of, is that there is a lot of story, a lot of prose,
and a lot of foreplay in this tale.
This is another long (160k) story.
Ratings for "Bora Bora"
Technical merit 8
Plot and character 9.5
Appeal to reviewer 9
"Behind The Barn" by Unknown Author. Guest review by Tooshoes.
Discontented with life in the big city, a young couple decides to give
rural life a try. Ah, the wide open spaces! The harmony with nature! The
sound of roosters in the morning! The isolation!
But for a young couple, isolation shouldn't be too much of a problem.
After all, they have each other, and enough privacy to have sex wherever
and whenever they want. And if they get bored with each other, there is
always the hired hands.
The rub is that the wife, Sandra, is repressed, and she can't imagine
herself doing anything but under-the-covers, respectable sex that she
could tell her priest about without blushing. This story leads Sandra
on a journey to the promised land of sexual abandon, and to the bliss of
hard, demeaning sex.
I was impressed with the start of this very long story, and I was
prepared to give out my first triple 10 score. The technique was
flawless, and the characters were believable and likable.
But Sandra doesn't seem to grow with each sexual encounter, and she
approaches each new experience with shock -- as though she is a
perpetual virgin. She breaks one taboo after another, but the technique
is repetitive. The plot moves along at a snail's pace in the second
half, and the characters stop acting sensibly.
Still, this is a well above average story overall, and I recommend it,
as long as you aren't turned off by the themes.
Ratings for "Behind The Barn"
Technical merit 9
Plot and character 9
Appeal to reviewer 8
"The 'Forbidden Fruit" by Ian Dodd (iandodd@aol.com.) Guest review by
Jake Stonebender.
The 'Forbidden Fruit' in this story came with a twist, all puns
intended... one of the better allegorical titles I've seen in the
newsgroup lately; and, though I'm hankering to review the new MKS stuff,
quite a good story.
Set in a vaguely dark, techno- corner of the world, FF is somewhat
reminiscent of the work of Jay McInerney, particularly _Bright Lights,
Big City_. Now that the author is creaming in his jeans, I'll admit
that I didn't, although this could well have been because I read the
story _just_ after finishing myself off with a couple of stories from
MickNasty's female masturbation stories page... (which has, sadly,
apparently gone into hibernation).
The protagonist, Andy, and his "player to be named later"--she wasn't--
meet in a dance club in which the author does an exceptionally good job
of making us understand that he's not comfortable. (Whether I mean Andy
or the author, there, I'm not sure. :-) I identified with Andy; I hate
those places too. He does get intrigued with some ... um... extra
hardware that she's equipped with... (no, it's not _that_ weird a
story...), whereupon she sort of drags him out of the club by the
necktie, and they go to her place for a different sort of bump and
grind.
It's the sequel to that which I found intriguing, myself. Sorta gave me
hope. In any event, while the copy could have used an editing pass, the
bobbles weren't enough to take the sting out of the sex, and the
language wasn't something you'd trip over, either, something some
authors have a problem with. I think this might well be publication
quality, maybe in Playboy, although it _is_ a bit strong for them
Penthouse, maybe?
I laughed, I cried, I gave up a part of me. :-)
Athena (technical quality): 9 (on plotting, 8 on copy)
Venus (was the sex good?): 8 (I'm not exactly a piercing fan,
but it won me)
Jake (did I like it?): 8 (not Michael Smith, but not damn bad, either)
* "All We Like Sheep" by MC Woodsmoke. My initial reaction to this
story was perplexity at its title. What in the world does it mean? I
concluded that it was probably a typographical error. The author either
meant to say "We Are All Like Sheep" - or maybe it was the more bestial
"We All Like Sheep." Actually, the title is stated exactly as the
author intended it. You'll have to read the story to find out what it
means. Hint: It's part of a longer phrase that you'll probably
recognize.
Anyway, the hero of this story is that ubiquitous denizen of a.s.s.: the
electronics genius who knows how to use technology for mind control.
This particular hero has been smitten by the lovely lady at work who has
no time for sex; she just reads her bible and performs church work with
her youth group. A few weeks with our hero's magic mind control tape
takes care of that. She becomes a hot little sex kitten that does her
creator proud - her new creator, not the old one, who may have preferred
her to keep up the work with the youth group.
Omigod! The youth group! Angie was working with two of the girls from
the youth group while she was listening to the subliminal tape; that
means the kids might have heard it too! He had planned to seduce Angie,
but suddenly Stacy and Kayla seem primed and ready to go. {I'm not sure
exactly how state and federal law deal with the accidental exposure of
minors to subliminal seduction. I guess it would depend on whether one
could get the judge and jury to listen to the tape.}
An odd thing about mind control is that it has the capacity within a few
sessions to make people more enthusiastic devotees of an activity than
they would be had they participated in that activity happily for several
years. For example, I myself have enjoyed cock sucking for over 20
years. In a sense, my mind has been programmed to enjoy it, much like
Angie in this story. Yet when I am participating in that activity I
retain control over my brain and can do creative things (like chew gum,
think, and even stop if the performance contradicts an important value
system) while still maintaining my enthusiasm for the activity. This is
a long way of saying that sometimes mind control stories become a bit
simplistic.
Nevertheless, aside from some grammatical flaws, the present story is
highly creative and well worth reading.
Ratings for "All We Like Sheep"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
- The Night Before Christmas -
Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jockeys, to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile"
He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several more things I shouldn't even mention.
A fuck ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home, Rudolf. This night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about pussy is you can't wear it out!!"