Celestial Reviews 240 - December 6, 1997
Note: Someone has reposted all of SueNH's stories. I am reposting my
reviews of those stories - plus reviewing the few I missed. Note that
some of my reviews are based on my old system (10=excellent, 0=awful),
and I have not tried to update those ratings at this time. Note also
that many of these are old reviews, and if I were writing them now, I
might say different things. I am posting the reviews in simple
alphabetical order. I am including a few "with Sue" stories that may
not yet have been reposted. I do not know Sue's current address - all
of the addresses listed in the reviews are inaccurate. Maybe this Sue
Renaissance will prod Sue out of retirement!
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Warm Caribbean Night" by SueNH (romantic mistaken identity)
10, 9, 9
"Ironing in the Kinks" by SueNH (quickie) 10, 8, 8
"Alice and Joe and You and Me" by SueNH (voyeurism) 10, 7, 7
"my childhood games" by x (kiddy sex) 5, 3, 3
"Long Ago and Far Away" by Sven the Elder (forbidden
romance) 10, 8, 8
"Sister Ashley" by Greatness (sex with a nun) 4, 3, 3
"Passages in Time. Episode 2: The Laying of Claim" by
Alan C. McD (time-travel sex) 10, 8, 8
Guest Reviews:
"Iowa State Police" by Ms. Which (oral sex with cop) 9, 8.5, 6
"Moroccan Club" by sweetkaren (strip club orgy) 7, 6, 8
Reposted Reviews:
* "AdventureLand" by SueNH.(Amusement park sex) 9, 8, 10
* "Catty Corner" by SueNH (voyeurism) 10
* "Cocktail Table" by SueNH (orgy) 10, 10, 10
* "Craftsmanship" by SueNH (blowing the glass blower)
10, 10, 10
* "Film at Eleven" by SueNH (sex on videotape) 10
* "Fun with Dick and Jane" by SueNH (group sex ed) 10
* "Gee Spot Run" by SueNH (masturbation & voyeurism) 10
* "Good Grief" by SueNH (surrogate sex) 10, 10, 10
* "Guess Who's Coming at Dinner" by SueNH (orgy)
* "Here Cums Santa" by SueNH (real celebrity sex!) 10, 10, 10
* "Into the Woods" by With Sue (outdoor celebrity sex)
10, 10, 10
* "Kachina" by SueNH (sex in the great outdoors) 10
* "Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire" by SueNH (revenge) 10, 9, 9
* "Life's a Beach" by SueNH (Sex on the beach) 4
* "Louvre Love" by SueNH (Sex & Fantasy in the Louvre)
9, 7, 8
* "Lab Partners" by WithSueNH (very hot, gentle threesome)
10, 10, 10
* "Libre Island" by Sharon with Sue (orgies in an island
paradise) 9
* "Lucy in the Sky" by SueNH (sex in the outdoors) 10
* "On the Dock" by SueNH (exhibitionism & voyeurism)
10, 10, 10
* "Red Hot" by SueNH (orgy) 9.5, 10, 10
* "Slippery When Wet" by SueNH (sex in jacuzzi) 10
* "To Serve and Protect" by SueNH (sex in the fast lane) 10
* "A Weekend on the Island" by WithSue (hot orgy)
10, 10, 10
* "You Big, Me Doll" by SueNH (sexy dream & doll sex)
10, 8, 8
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Warm Caribbean Night" by SueNH. Sue is waiting for her lover while he
takes a swim in the ocean. When he returns, he will make love to her
for the first time. He returns, gently fucks her in the complete
velvety darkness, then returns again. Ooops! How can this be? The
lover in the darkness must have been someone else!
I'll still never understand why people think the second-person (you)
narrative is so great. But this is overall a nice romantic fantasy.
Ratings for "Warm Caribbean Night"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Ironing in the Kinks" by SueNH. This is a continuation of "Warm
Caribbean Night." After they return from their trip to the Caribbean,
Sue is ironing the laundry (an ancient custom still performed in
medieval American households), when her lover drops by unexpectedly.
Since Sue is already in heat, the lover arranges for some kinky sex
involving the ironing board and a few other pieces of furniture.
This is hot sex, but it's hardly a fully developed plot.
Ratings for "Ironing in the Kinks"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Alice and Joe and You and Me" by SueNH. This is a continuation of the
previous two stories. This time Sue and her lover are invited to visit
some neighbors who have a nice house on the beach. They watch them
having some hot sex in the jacuzzi and with the jacuzzi hose.
This earlier work of Sue's is not nearly as good as her later, more
integrated efforts. At this early stage she has some good ideas, but
she is posting them as they happen to come to her mind. In her later
work she seems to be more willing to wait until she has a whole story
before telling it.
Ratings for "Alice and Joe and You and Me"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"my childhood games" by x (x@x.org). This is a story only in the sense
that it consists of 767 words in a single paragraph that are generally
about a single set of events. It comes from the website of the
Childhood Sexuality Center; and so I don't want to make fun of it, since
it might be the genuine reflections of a dysfunctional adult who was
rendered dyslexic as a result of early childhood sexual trauma. It's
not really very interesting, unless you're interested in 11-year-olds
rolling in the mud and sucking each other's cocks.
Ratings for "my childhood games"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Long Ago and Far Away" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk).
This story is a retrospective about Sven's experiences before he was the
Elder - long ago and far away, when he was a white European romancing
the black African daughter of the local chieftain. The chieftain wasn't
all that thrilled about the relationship; and so he had ordered the
relationship to end. This is the story of the couple's last romantic
tryst.
It's an interesting story with good sex, but my impression is that this
is a lot clearer and more interesting in the mind of the author than it
will be to the minds of people who do not share that same initial
perspective.
Ratings for "Long Ago and Far Away"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Sister Ashley" by Greatness. {The author didn't give his address, but
no matter.} Jimmy Parsons is 13 years old. He has twin sisters who are
four years older than he is, and they have 35C tits; but those numbers
may be inaccurate, unless Jimbo is a lot better at math than he is at
spelling and grammar. The girls were pretty but not too bright. Father
Mike, the local priest, rants against sin, and so the girls don't let
anyone get too far with them. But even though they're so dumb that
blondes probably tell jokes about them, they figure out loopholes in the
rules. For example, since they can't fuck with boys, they have sex with
each other.
Now, the Sister Ashley of the title is not one of these sisters, but
rather a nun. Actually, she's a fake nun. The kids in this story go to
a lot of trouble to figure this out; but it should have been easy,
because nuns are all named after saints. Nuns may be named after male
saints or female saints, but they have to be genuine Catholic saints.
There is no St. Ashley. Don't ask me why: I think it has something to
do with nobody naming their daughters Ashley or Brittany until the
1960's, and by then even the Catholics had stopped making saints.
Anyway, there may be a Sister Mary Ralph or a Sister John Michael or
even a Sister Billy Bob; but there is no way any genuine nun can be
named Sister Ashley.
Well, what do you think these playful little rascals will do with Sister
Ashley when they expose her - er, when they uncover her secret? The
answer is hidden in a lot of childish gibberish, but I think it involves
a dog.
Ratings for "Sister Ashley"
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Passages in Time. Episode 2: The Laying of Claim" by Alan C. McD
(18157818@msn.com). This second story in the "Passages in Time" series
builds upon the first episode, which was entitled "The Awakening." This
one has more focus on enigmatic aspects of time travel than some readers
will want to see. On the other hand, some readers will like this sci-fi
emphasis.
In this episode we go back in history to 10,000 BC, where our heroine
becomes our hero and has sex with a prehistoric woman. This is a little
confusing, since I am not at all familiar with prehistoric sex. My
closest experience was the movie "One Million BC," in which Racquel
Welch (I think) went around for about two hours grunting and looking
good. The copulators in this story seem to lie somewhere between
Neanderthals or Cro Magnons and Racquel Welch - but then my time frame
may be inaccurate.
These people do not have sex in the missionary position. But I suppose
that's because there were no missionaries to teach that position until
AD.
On the whole, I enjoyed the insights into prehistoric thought processes,
but I found the time travel aspects to be somewhere between annoying and
distracting. I still am not clear why or how the time-traveling
explorer of the galaxy is saving the others (whoever they are) through
union with them.
This story reminds me a great deal of the work of another author. If
this author has ever written a story with a character named Hideo in it,
he/she should 'fess up and come clean with me.
The author clearly wants us to stay with him for his whole show. When
this chapter is integrated with everything else, it may become
excellent; but right now it's somewhat confusing.
Ratings for "The Laying of Claim"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Iowa State Police" by Ms. Which (mswhich@hotmail.com). Guest review by
Morgan Preece.
Well, a joke I just read seems appropriate here.
"A Tale of Two Whales"
Two whales, a male and female, are swimming off the coast of Japan when
the male looks up and sees the whaling ship that killed his father five
years ago. Excited at the opportunity to avenge his father's death, he
says, "Let's go underneath the ship and blow air through our blow holes.
That ought to knock their boat over, and make them think twice about
killing innocent whales.
The female whale agrees, and the plan works perfectly.
Once the whaling ship has completely sunk, the male whale notices that
most of the sailors are making their way back to the shore either by
swimming or in lifeboats. Not willing to let them get away so easily,
he yells, "They're going to shore - Let's go gobble them up!"
Suddenly, the female whale becomes less cooperative: "HEY!" she says, "I
agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing any seamen!"
(thanks to Joyce Melton and Martin Young and Bruce Shipman)
I think everyone knows the plot just from the title. No surprises there:
cop stops a good-looking woman for speeding and a blowjob.
This story has touches of humor, but I don't think the author is going
to win any points with feminists. <g> And State Police may not be so
happy about being stereotyped, either. <bg> Nor Polish persons. <g>
Okay, I took this story as being all in fun, almost but not quite a send
up of its narrow genre. I got a few chuckles, but the sex wasn't really
to my tastes and probably isn't to several people I could name. It isn't
that I don't like handcuff stories; I mean the bondage in this is light
compared to the stuff in at least one of my own stories.
Still, if you like the old "pay your ticket on your knees, slut"
scenario, you may like this.
Oh, and there is one really funny typo. I didn't know that Iowa State
Policemen wore skirts as part of their uniforms.
Athena (technical quality): 9
(Phrasing sometimes distances the action from the reader. Setting is
bare but keeping it that way is probably a choice not a mistake; it
helps keep the story moving. No minus for the funny typo.)
Venus (plot & character): 8.5
(Plot is standard but characters seem real and human, stereotypes but
not cardboard. I got three chuckles out of it. Minus 1 for the old hat
plot and -.5 for the "she loves it when she's made to" cliche.)
Morgan (appeal to reviewer): 6 (I know I'm tough in this part. I'd judge
this to be an 8+ for some people, but what do I know?)
Grade for a hypothetical class in writing for ASS would be a "B-" and
"Keep writing - your audience will find you" scribbled in the margin.
"Moroccan Club" by sweetkaren (sweetkaren@usa.net). Guest Review by DG.
As this story opens, the narrator, a young American woman on vacation in
Morocco, is sitting in an outdoor square, eating dinner with a recent
acquaintance, a charming young local man. The situation as it unfolded
over the first few paragraphs was normal and casual enough that I
wondered if the story might be true, or at least partially true. The
young man invites her to a local nightclub, and she accepts. When they
arrive, she notices that the patrons are mostly men, and it turns out to
be a strip club. Or, what passes for a strip club in an Islamic
country: the dancers start out overdressed and slowly remove their
extraneous items of clothing, ending up just fully clothed.
Our narrator, having had a few too many drinks, decides she will show
the crowd how we do things over in the good old US of A. She hops up on
the stage and strips down to just her stockings, to the surprise and
appreciation of the culturally disadvantaged male patrons. In fact, the
patrons are so appreciative that they fill her every orifice with their
rock-hard cocks, bringing her to countless orgasms and finally leaving
her outside in an alley, covered from head to foot with a sticky layer
of cum and much richer for the memories. So much for the story being
true.
This story has a cute premise, and is fairly well written. I think it
could have been improved by providing more description and buildup for
the stripping/sex scene. One paragraph she is having a drink and
minding her own business, and the by the end of the next paragraph she
is naked with men all over her. I don't want to quibble too much,
though: this story was written to be a short, hot romp, not a work of
literature, and on that level it succeeds.
Ratings for "Moroccan Club"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
DG (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "AdventureLand" by Sue. I love theme parks. Disney World in
Orlando is an especially romantic place. In this story, a woman
manages to get into the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction after
everyone else has left it. She masturbates and engages in sexual
fantasies with the characters. The punch line is that one of the
characters turns out to be the college kid who runs the
attraction, and he fucks her and slips away before she realizes
that he wasn't part of her imagination. I liked the story a lot.
I'm sure there are religious people somewhere who would be
repulsed at the thought of a Disney employee taking advantage of
an innocent customer; but what the hell - this story takes place
in an atmosphere in which the "legitimate" fantasy consists of
fun-loving pirates looting villages and gleefully carrying off the
female prisoners. When I've taken my kids on that ride, I've
often mentally noted that in real life the pirates would have had
their sexual jollies with the women they were chasing. Being
captured and raped by a pirate probably wasn't as much fun as
Disney suggests. In real life Disney employees who have sex with
customers who are masturbating with the characters should be
fired; just as pirates who rape and pillage should normally be
hanged after a fair trial. It was fun to read a story in which a
modern pirate took advantage of a damsel. On the downside, you
really do have to stretch your imagination to buy into the story.
But overall, it was just good clean fun.
Ratings for "AdventureLand"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Catty Corner" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com). I loved this story. So
many writers on a.s.s. can describe hot sex; but Sue has the knack
of putting it into the context of a really creative story. This
one comes with a double whammy - a voyeur watching a voyeur and
then the voyeurs watching each other. I just resolved earlier
today to be a little rougher in my ratings. I also resolved to
give my husband a break from passion tonight. Oh, well; there go
my resolutions. (Rating: 10)
* "Cocktail Table" by Sue. Sue accepts an invitation to a party
from some graduate students who admire her literary work. After
the initial fuss over her arrival, everyone sits around in a quiet
circle with their hands on their laps while Sue reads "Slippery
When Wet" to the group. Everyone gets turned on by the splendid
reading, and the spokesman for the group suggests that Sue may
want to leave before the ensuing orgy begins. Sue chooses to
stay. Actually, Sue tells it better; so read the story.
I shall now respond to the one unanswered question in Sue's story:
the plural of "clitoris" is "clitorises". Interestingly enough,
my spellcheck recognized this plural, even though it failed to
recognize "anally," "Sistine," "dominatrix," and "supermodel." I
verified this plural in my unabridged dictionary, where the word
is found right after "cliticize" (the meaning of which may
surprise you) and on the same page with a picture of a cloister.
Talk about a screwed up value system! The dictionary defines
clit, clitoris, and cliticize (and 101 pages later gives three
definitions for cunt, which happen to come right before Mario
Cuomo - now there's a coincidence for you), but it gives a picture
of a cloister instead of a clitoris! I mean, how many readers in
all of history have looked at the definition of a cloister and
said, "Damn! I wish I had a picture to clear this up for me!"
Sorry about the digression; but Sue did raise the original
question in her story.
{Well, now that I have already digressed, I might mention that I
did a double-take during proofreading - 101 pages of definitions
between clitoris and Cuomo? Yes, that's right. Yesterday a
prissy student came up to my desk and told me that another student
- who was disgruntled over her grade - had called me "the c-word."
I asked her to be more specific, but she couldn't utter "the c-
word" out loud. She doesn't realize how truly ambiguous her
accusation was!}
This was a very enjoyable story. I have only one problem with it,
and that problem is akin to the play within a play theme that
often occurs in Shakespeare. When Sue has six guys shoot their
jism all over her body (never mind the cunt juices that are
flowing like milk and honey) - when she gets her pastry frosted by
six guys at once, whose record is she breaking? (Not mine,
certainly!) She compares it to the four guys whose snorkels she
cleared in "Slippery When Wet," but that's a work of fiction, and
is recognized as such even in the present work of fiction. Sue
herself is actually a most demure person who probably isn't even
named Sue and almost certainly has not participated in Onan's
Olympics with more than two male partners at the same time. So
what we have here is a fiction within a fiction and how do we know
that even that is not fiction? In other words, that that is not
is not that that is. (I was tempted to replace "in other words"
with "that is" in the preceding sentence, but then the thought
would have become confusing.)
Sorry. Even though I am a most cunning linguist I just never had
a chance to say that last sentence in a meaningful context before.
If you're ever in danger of premature orgasm, try repeating and
understanding that sentence, and it will probably keep you from
coming at least until your partner catches up with you.
Ratings for "Cocktail Table"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Craftsmanship" by Sue. I always save Sue's stories for a time
when I'll have time to relish and enjoy her imagery. The writers
of many of the previous stories could benefit from reading and
imitating Sue's style. (They could also use the occasion for some
private foreplay.) In this story Sue makes passionate love to the
glass blower, after she (literally) blows a phallus that he later
uses to ravage her cunt. Actually, Sue says it better than I did.
If you analyze them really carefully, Sue's fantasies probably
would make no more sense in real life than those in the previous
stories. After all, what sensible girl would want to watch a
muscular young man engaged in his trade, then seduce him by having
him help her blow and shape a glass phallus, then have him insert
that still warm phallus into her well-primed most private parts,
then be driven completely out of her mind by a blazing hot orgasm
when he inserts the real thing, then suck his gorgeous cock that
seems to fit so well into the environs of this shop surrounded by
erotic art that her lover has himself produced until he explodes
into a gigantic orgasm that she cannot contain? Or what red-
blooded guy would take delight in being used in this way by a lewd
and lascivious woman, interested in driving her partner into a
state of raging ecstasy only because she thinks that he will
respond in a way that will contribute to her own self-
gratification? For that matter, who would even want to read about
such things? Probably only people like those befuddled readers
who are tempted right now to cast this review into temporary
electronic oblivion and go find this hot, sexy story. But
somehow, Sue manages to use words and give rationales that make it
all seem worth fantasizing about.
Ratings for "Craftsmanship"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Film at Eleven" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com). During her vacation in
Maine, Sue is invited to visit a sexy couple she met earlier in
the day. She agrees to videotape them while they make love. The
sex gets really hot, and Sue describes it vividly and in minute
detail. At the climax, Sue herself gets into the act by fondling
Bart's cock while it's inside Nina's cunt. This makes it possible
for Sue also to diddle Nina's G-spot at the same time. And Sue
manages to record this entire activity on videotape! Is this
activity actually possible? If anyone tries it successfully, let
me know - but it sure sounds sexy!
Oh - and Sue mistakenly refers to Bart as Gary once. Gotcha! Of
course, I've never done that to my husband, but he does call me
Sue once in a while in the heat of passion.
The videotaping theme provides an excuse for Sue to describe
details of the sexual encounter that would normally be
superfluous. For example, she describes such things as facial
expressions and skin texture of the labia and around the ass.
There would be little justification for these descriptions in a
normal narrative; but in the context of this story they become
quite sensual. (Rating: 10)
* "Fun with Dick and Jane" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com) As we left Sue
last week at the end of "Gee Spot Run," Sue had used her erotic
fiction as a basis to enrich the fantasy life and masturbation
abilities of a repressed housewife. As our story resumes in this
sequel, Sue has been invited to Jane's house for dinner, where she
meets her husband Dick and a stuffy friend of theirs named
Charles. When Jane blurts out that Sue is a writer of erotica,
the men scoff at Sue. They think she is merely a Barbara Cartland
type. Sue rises to the challenge and offers to read one of her
stories out loud, with the agreement that its quality will be
measured by Charles's peter meter, which at the time was easily
hidden beneath the napkin on his lap.
So Sue read from "Louvre Love." Actually, this was a bad choice,
since (as we all know) this particular story received a modest
rating of 7.5 in Celestial Reviews, whereas most of Sue's stories
are 10's. I think "Here Cums Santa" or "To Serve and Protect"
would have been better choices. Perhaps Sue made this choice
deliberately, to avoid straining Charles's gauge, which probably
wasn't capable of registering a 10. To make a long story short,
the story works; but alas, Dick dislikes perversion and refers to
Sue as a cunning temptress. (Had I been there, of course, he
would have referred to me as a cunning linguist. But I think
either epithet would fit Sue accurately.) Jane defends her
friend's reputation, and soon tendrils of pleasure are racing
around Sue's body while Charles begins to fuck her and Jane
observes unobtrusively.
Enough! You'll have to read the story yourself to find out who
comes how often and where and whether Dick finally overcomes his
inhibitions and has fun with Jane. This is an excellent story,
only minimally reminiscent of the book of the same title that many
of us read when we were in the first grade.
This story (combined with this review) will be especially useful
for cunning linguists or for students whose teachers require them
to look up and use a word a day. I mean, in addition to ribald
sex, this story is full of tendrils, epithets, and ogling - as
well as a vivid reference to the Louvre - which, of course, is
located near the Champs Elysee. (Rating: 10)
* "Gee Spot Run" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). I consider this story to
exemplify what the preceding story was missing. (Note that I have
already given the other story a high rating; so don't take this as
overly critical of that story.) The big difference is that in
this story the protagonists have a *reason* for having sex.
When Sue meets a casual friend and gets into a deep conversation,
she discovers that the woman is sexually repressed. To help out,
she discloses the fact that she is an author of highly regarded
sex stories and offers to let her friend read some of them. Sue
goes off to take a shower and leaves her friend reading
"Craftsmanship," which readers of these reviews will recognize as
one of the stories I often cite as an example of hot, well-written
erotica. Well, I was right in rating that story a 10; because
when Sue returns from the shower the woman is in the throes of
masturbation that was instigated by reading the story. The woman
is embarrassed, but Sue comforts her thus: "Even when I'm writing
the stories, I get so turned-on sometimes that I have to stop
typing so that I can reach down and rub my cunt for a big orgasm.
And when I read other people's stories, I usually masturbate. I'm
sorry that you feel bad about what you were doing, and I'm even
more sorry that I interrupted you. So I'm going to leave the room
again so that you can finish what you started."
But alas, the woman has a learning disability: she doesn't know
how to masturbate very well. She feels that the characters in
Sue's stories achieve heights of ecstasy that she has never
reached. Like a true humanitarian clinician, Sue reluctantly
offers further assistance. The two masturbate in each other's
presence, and her friend learns by observing the genius at work.
The descriptions are hot and vivid. Not only does Sue's friend
figure out how to do it right; I also managed to eliminate a few
bugs from my own system. (However, there are a few things I could
teach Sue too.)
This is a really hot story. At the end, we are left with the
impression that Sue's friend will probably get over her
inhibitions and with the promise that we can find out what
happened later by reading Sue's next story, "Fun with Dick and
Jane." (Rating: 10)
* "Good Grief" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com). I often hear the refrain,
"All those fuckin' stories on a.s.s. are the same!" Every once in
a while, I start to believe it and think that I have seen (or read
about) everything. Then I run across a story like this to
reinforce my belief in creativity. I don't know what I can tell
you about this story without ruining the plot for you. The action
takes place in a cemetery and in a motel shortly after the funeral
of the narrator's close friend. The sex is both tender and hot.
You'll just have to read this excellent story to find out the
details.
Ratings "Good Grief"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Guess Who's Coming at Dinner" by Sue. I don't think Emily Post
or Miss Manners has a chapter on orgy etiquette; so maybe this
story can fill that void. The premise of this story is that the
narrator has invited ten sensuous people (herself among them) to
participate in an unorthodox dinner party. The participants will
not use their real names, only these nicknames: for the men --
Viking.... Shiny.... Silver.... Tail.... You (the reader).... and
for the women -- Gold.... Fire.... Earth... Light... and Me (Sue)
. Then she explains that there will be no talk of their
occupations, or of the weather. If anyone wants to talk, it must
be about dreams and fantasies. The evening is a resounding
success. The sex is hot and the images are rich. Read it
yourself! "A good time was had by all." (Rating: 10)
* "Here Cums Santa Claus" by Sue. This story centers around the visit of
the lovely and vivacious Sue (who looks and acts a lot like me, although
she apparently has smaller breasts and nipples that respond slightly
more slowly than mine do to gentle caresses) to the mall's Victoria's
Secret shop at the end of a long day of Christmas shopping. Two
libidinous female employees invite her to join the after hours
festivities, at which she will become the Christmas present for the
mall's Santa.
I guess I shouldn't spoil the suspense - but the supposed impostor is
the real Santa himself. (This is where Sue departs a little from
reality. Her Santa is not circumcised. He was the last time I made
love to him.) Sue has a lot of fun with the story, replacing the
typical descriptions of sexual activity with terms and metaphors related
to the Christmas season. I checked with my word processor's "find"
function, and the word "musky" doesn't appear even once; and the only
time "rod" occurs is in the middle of "strode," "produced," and
"prodigious" - the latter not in its usual context in a sex story!
Instead, the aroma emanating from his cock is "the delicate fragrance of
apple blossoms and almonds, with maybe a hint of balsam fir." Santa's
rotund cock is deliciously sweet and fruity. And Santa's sweet candy
cane drives deeply into Sue's fiery open hearth. The only image I found
to limp a little was Santa's offer to let Sue ride his North Pole.
Of course, like any depraved a.s.s. writer, Sue skirts the moral issue:
what about poor Mrs. Claus, waiting chastely at home at the North Pole
with all those tiny but horny little elves? Nevertheless, this story
managed to get the vision of Santa's "sugar plum" dancing in my head.
This story definitely put me into the spirit of things. You'll have to
read the story to find out what Santa said as he rose out of sight.
Ratings for "Here Cums Santa Claus"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Into the Woods" by With Sue (suenh@kear.tdsnet.com). Try this
pickup line the next time you encounter a really attractive
blonde: "Are you the Sue who writes erotic stories on the
Internet?" If she says yes, then you should proceed to have
pleasantly ecstatic sex with her. If she says no, then say, "Do
you come here often?" or "What's a nice girl like you doing in a
place like this?" or "Either smile or slap me if you'd like to
have sex with me."
In the present story a guy named Dave meets the real Sue in the
woods and he tells her that her stories are by far the best on
alt.sex.stories - better than all the drivel that's usually posted
there. Such exaggeration is understandable, since by this time
Dave was interested in getting into Sue's pants or helping her
resolve a plot; but Sue's stories are not really quite that good.
They're better than 95% of what's posted here and competitive with
the very best; but this story is based on Dave's pickup line, and
so we'll let his hyperbole stand.
So anyway, Dave tells Sue that "Louvre Love" is his favorite among
all her stories. This is blatantly silly! Aside from "Life's a
Beach," "Louvre Love" is probably Sue's WORST story! Dave's
statement is really an insidiously complicated pickup line. He
expects Sue to respond with something like, "Louvre Love my Lovely
Ass! Let me re-enact a scene from Craftsmanship with you!" By
starting with Louvre Love, Dave can eventually get Sue to work
through all of her plots that are better than that one, including
"Slippery When Wet," "Lab Partners", and "Red Hot". Good Grief!
That's right - there's also "Good Grief", "To Serve and Protect"
and even "Adventureland", to say nothing of "Coffee Table", "Fun
with Dick and Jane", "Film at Eleven", "Lucy in the Sky" or the
great withSue stories like "Across the Catty Corner" and "Weekend
on the Island."
I was right - or at least close! In the middle of the story, Dave
and Sue decide to work out the plot for a new story called "Into
the Woods," which - surprisingly enough - is this very story that
I am now reviewing! Imagine that! Well, actually they act out
the basic details, and then I suppose Dave or Sue wrote the full
story back at the computer.
Ratings for "Into the Woods"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Kachina" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). This is a story about a young
woman who travels by water and by hiking and mountain climbing to
a beautiful place in the remote wilderness and masturbates there
before bedding down for the night in a cave. (Sue adds a few
details that make it more interesting than my preceding sentence.)
In the middle of the night she is visited by a Kachina - an
ancestral Anasazi spirit-god that had come back to life. Hey!
What can I say? You're going to read the descriptions of the
previous four stories, and then tell me that this one is
unrealistic just because a beautiful blonde woman has passionate
sex with a man old enough to be her ancestor who comes alive from
a painting on a cave wall? Believe what you will. I say, if
Peter Pan can have Tinkerbell and if the Greeks can have Zeus and
Aphrodite, then Sue can have her Kachina!
Sue does an excellent job of integrating the sexual activity with
the surroundings and even with a sensitivity to the ancient Native
American heritage. This was a very good story. (Rating: 10)
* "Lab Partners" by WithSue. Sue was kind enough to send me a
copy of this story before she reposted it. When I saw it posted
this morning, I was upset, because I hadn't finished it yet. So I
dug into the rest of the 24 pages (11,188 words, according to my
word count) and was late for breakfast. It was as good as Sue
humbly said it would be. (Now I have to put this out of my mind
and concentrate on summer school.)
The deal here is that Sue loves fantasies and in real life
encourages other authors to respond to her fantasies by finishing
or adapting her stories. A few paragraphs into the story, I
realized that Sue herself was the lab partner working with the two
guys. The buildup took a while; but even our anti-Jane-Austen
critic would enjoy the result, I think. (I'd really like to know
his opinion of this one.) This has to be one of the longest
orgasms in a.s.s. history; and I stayed glued to the screen for
every minute of it. This may be a chick story - but what a chick!
Ratings for "Lab Partners"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Liar, Liar" by SueNH (SueNH@aol.com). About a year ago a
person with a warped sense of humor posted a message on a.s.s.
stating that SueNH was not a real person but rather merely a front
for an alleged money-making scheme of some kind. Sue (who I have
reason to believe really exists) wrote this story in retaliation.
The protagonist of the story is a man who gets his sexual kicks by
hiding in anonymity while making untrue statements about
beautiful, lusty women who write hot stories on the Internet. He
likes these stories and even jerks off while reading them, but
instead of doing something artistic in return, he responds in his
uncreative, anonymous, cowardly manner. This makes him feel
bigger, more powerful - it provides a kinky sort of sexual turn-on
for him. Just thinking about it makes his cock harden in his
jogging shorts as he begins his run, and his little nipples get
hard and show through his T-shirt as he start to work up a sweat
within a block of his house.
Shortly after he starts his run, he spots a beautiful woman
jogger. He follows her and is eventually astonished to discover
that she has stopped at his house and obviously wants to come
inside. She enters the house and teases him sexually, eventually
binding him to the bed and revealing herself to be SueNH, the very
person to whom he had directed his cowardly criticism on the
Internet. Sue continues to tease him and brings herself to orgasm
several times. She leaves it up to him to decide whether he'll
repent and gain genuine pleasure or continue to live his
miserable, craven existence.
Reality check: This jerk runs five or six miles in about a half
hour. I'm in good shape and can't do that - and I'm usually not
encumbered by a hard-on. If Sue revises this story, she should
either drop the distance to 3 or 4 miles or up the time to 45
minutes.
This is an unusual and interesting story. I don't normally like
sexual violence, and neither does Sue. But no real harm comes to
this asshole, and he deserves the discomfort her gets. People who
are familiar with Sue's other stories (many of which are currently
being reposted) will enjoy this story the most.
Ratings for "Liar, Liar"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Libre Island" by Sharon with Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). Sharon and
Sue are not only the authors but also the protagonists. They are
presented as two really hot, sexy woman who go on vacation
together to an island paradise. They meet Tyla, a beautiful black
woman, and her friends; and they engage in some raucous sexual
festivities. That's really all there is to the plot. It's sort
of like those porn movies that none of us admit we watch: a lot of
sexual acrobatics tied together with no real plot. There's little
character development (other than demonstrating that these really
are very sexy people), nor does the author take advantage of the
island's atmosphere to add to the intensity of the sex (as did
Deidre Ng in "Aegean Interludes" or as would occur in a porn movie
presentation of the same material). As long as you're willing to
accept the story on these grounds, it's an excellent story. This
story is almost the opposite of the previous one. If you're
interested in exploring personalities and plot development, this
may not be for you; but if you want material to heighten your
sexual arousal, this one may do the job. If what you want is hot
sex scenes, this story is full of them in enthusiastic, explicit
detail. (Rating: 9)
* "Life's a Beach" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). This story is not up
to Sue's usual high standards. I found it to be hard to focus on
the sexual activity in this story - which was the only reason to
be reading it - because I was distracted by details and by
mistakes in logic and grammar. Part of the problem is that the
story is written in the first person. ("I did this... You did
that...." ) This is sometimes a useful style, but in this case I
was confused by it. For example, when I read at the beginning
that the narrator was wearing a skimpy pink bikini and her friend
("you") a skimpy black bikini, I assumed I was reading about two
females. As I continued with the story I envisioned one woman
giving an erotic massage to another, but then several paragraphs
later I came upon a reference to "shooting semen." So I reread
the earlier passage and concluded that nothing in the text
actually ruled out the theory that the person in the black bikini
might be a guy. So I readjusted my thinking and continued reading
the story as one about a heterosexual couple.
My point is that in some cases, concealing the gender of the
characters or springing a surprise like this may be an effective
literary technique; but this is not one of those cases. The whole
idea of this story is to enable the reader to visualize erotic
activities; and here I was over a fourth of the way through the
story, before I suddenly realized I had the wrong picture. I
guess I would have had the correct picture if I had read Sue's
earlier story about the same couple, or if I used my knowledge
that Sue is in real life a really sexy blond bombshell; but I
really think it is reasonable to expect a story to stand alone.
Likewise, I guess I could have inferred the gender of Black Bikini
through references to "strong fingers and muscles" - but I've
become so liberated lately that I assume that some female lovers
have strong fingers and muscles.
As another example of confusion, here's a passage from Part 2. {My
comments are bracketed like this.} "The cold water had shrunk
your cock up much smaller that {= than} usual, and it stuck
straight out from your crotch . This contrasted with your balls,
which were filled with come {= cum} that had accumulated during
your lotioning of my body. {This just isn't the way it works
biologically. I don't think Masters & Johnson or any other
researchers have ever noted a detectable enlargement of the male
scrotum that could be attributed to increased quantities of semen
that accumulated during a single session of lovemaking. Actually,
this would be an optical illusion. The balls would probably
actually *shrink* from the cold; but they would appear larger in
comparison to the penis, which would shrink much more rapidly
(because that's what penises do - engorge and shrink, engorge and
shrink, ad infinitum - or, I suppose, ad minimum). The skin would
be stretched tightly because the outer skin of the scrotum would
shrink in response to cold much more rapidly than the inner
contents of the scrotum, which would remain at a relatively
constant temperature. } The skin of your balls was stretched tight
and smooth over the swollen eggs. {I guess the balls are the
"swollen eggs." But, then, I've never seen an egg swell.} It
looked somehow cherubic and beautiful. {Is "it" the skin? I'm
just having a hard time envisioning this. I think of people as
being cherubic, but skin?}
Actually, when I look at that passage with all my jargon thrown
into it, Sue's original passage looks a lot better! But I'm
pretty sure all that technical stuff is true. (I got an A on the
sex chapter in college biology. My husband only got a C; but that
was before he met me and we studied engorgement and shrinking
together.)
A final problem is that Sue doesn't handle the perspective very
well. The overall format is similar to a letter to her boyfriend
- Sue is reminiscing about what happened on the beach. But she
presents some of the details as if this were the first time he had
heard about them. For example: "This was one of those beach
chairs that has those flexible plastic strips running side to
side, forming the seat." The *reader* may need to know this, but
the boyfriend would only need to be *reminded* of it. Just
changing the sentence structure would solve the problem.
Now that I've alienated Sue completely, I might as well add the
clincher: The guy "fucked her avaricious cunt." Avaricious means
greedy with a strong component of miserliness. What kind of a
cunt does this woman have? My own cunt is often voracious,
sometimes rapacious, but never avaricious. However, the paper boy
did refer to me as an avaricious cunt last year when I forgot to
tip him.
(Note: It has come to my attention that there is at least one
college composition course in the United States in which students
are allowed to critique stories they find on the Internet. Yes,
the students called the teacher's bluff and brought in some a.s.s.
stories; and yes, the teacher did permit them to do so. He
apparently treats these stories just like any other literature.
What a novel idea! He apparently became suspicious when one of
his students read his report to the class and referred to the D&s
genre, but he pronounced it jen-ray. Now the professor reads
these reviews to check for plagiarism. Anyhow, since some people
are getting academic credit for reading this review, I would like
to point out that the sentence "Celeste is an avaricious cunt"
contains an example of metonymy. It's a much more interesting
example than "counting noses." The sentence "Celeste is the
goddess of a.s.s." contains either an accurate metaphor or a
slight hyperbole.)
On the bright side, I think this is a great final paragraph for
Sue's story: "I fell asleep wondering whether any of the other
people on the beach would walk by during our nap. What would they
have seen -- my cunt dripping semen down through the slats of the
chair, onto your limp cock, which was coated with streaks of
already-dry come -- or would they just have paid attention to the
smug and satisfied smiles on our faces?" Unfortunately, Sue has
two paragraphs after this one. {Am I a bitch today, or what? I
think I may convert to D&s tonight, since I'm already in the
femdom mood.}
Sue is a much better writer than this. I'll give her the same
advice I have given other writers. She should read Sue's
"Craftsmanship" and imitate that author's excellent style.
The only reason to download this story is so that you'll have a
complete collection of Sue's works. It's kinda like "Little
Dorrit," which would be completely worthless if it weren't written
by the same guy who wrote "David Copperfield" and "Oliver Twist."
(I know a great honeymoon joke about Oliver Twist, but I don't
want to digress.) But anybody that threw away their original of
"Little Dorrit" would rue the day he or she did so.
I have enjoyed Sue's stories so much in the past that I feel
compelled to add an additional paragraph here. Sue numbers her
stories. This was Sue's 8th. "Louvre Love" was her 5th. She's
now on her 21st; so this is an old story. According to my
ratings, this story marked the end of the blue (weak) period of
Sue's writing career. Her next story was "Slippery When Wet" - a
10. In fact, I have reviewed 7 stories written since this one,
and the only non-10 was "Adventureland," which received a rating
of 8. Assuming my ratings are valid, this is an astonishing rate
of improvement.
Finally, I would like to tell Sue what I think she should do with
this story. <pause for effect> Instead of reposting it and some
of her older stories, she should either hide them or *revise*
them. It is my opinion that too few authors revise their stories;
they seem to think that once they've posted a story it's written
in stone. (Note the trite but pithy metaphor.) Not so! Among
examples that I can think of, the Ng sisters have posted revised
stories that have shown considerable maturation of their skills in
the revisions. Likewise, Backrub has revised not only his own
stories but occasionally those of other writers; and the
improvements have been substantial. In addition, the With Sue
stories (e.g., "Lab Partners" and "On the Catty Corner") have
almost invariably been excellent - largely, I think, because they
go through a process of substantial revision. If a writer would
go to the trouble of copyrighting a story and publishing it in
hardback or paperback with a regular publisher, I could understand
the reluctance to change it. But one of the advantages of
electronic publication is that it's so easy to make changes. If I
ever see this story posted again, I'd like to see it posted as
"Sue's 8th Life's a Beach 2.0." The 2.0 would connote radical
changes.
To prove what an excellent critic I am, I suggest that we all read
Sue's next story. If it's another 10 (which is very likely),
we'll assume that the "improvement" resulted from my critique.
(Rating: 4)
* "Louvre Love" by Sue. As I started reading this story, I was
impressed. I thought Sue was going to pull off a really erotic
story just on the basis of the art in the Louvre. The girl could
look at the guy who's getting a hard-on while looking at a
painting and start blending her thoughts with his. I said to
myself, "I hope she doesn't just have the girl take the guy to the
ladies' room and give him a blowjob." Well, they didn't go to the
ladies' room; they went to an exotic storage room instead.
There's a good porn film by Femme (I don't remember the title; and
no, I don't watch a lot of porn) that contains a sequence of a
woman and man in a museum, with the woman fantasizing what she'd
like to do with the man. I was hoping that Sue would do something
similar in this story - bring the protagonists to private orgasms
right there in the museum on the basis of the erotic thoughts they
derive from the artwork. Actually, I'm probably the only one who
would like my version of the story. It must have something to do
with those lonely times in high school when the hottest pictures
this horny little girl could get my hands on were the art
paintings with those sensuous gods and goddesses.
Ratings for "Louvre Love"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Lucy in the Sky" by Sue. Sue goes for a short vacation in the
Poconos (that's a "holiday" in the mountains, I think, to you
British readers) with her old friend Lucy. She is suspicious that
Lucy is playing matchmaker - trying to fix her up with a guy.
"Naw!" I thought. "Lucy is inviting her to an orgy." (Having met
with success in predicting Deirdre's plots, I had decided to
expand to more complex cases. This one was simple: they will go
to a mountain retreat with Lucy's boyfriend, and the three of them
will fuck their mutual brains out in the great outdoors.) I was
so close that I'm going to give myself a gold star for that
prediction. However, even though I "knew" how the story would
end, I found it to be a hot and sexy tale.
Sue again shows her ability to write a "rich" story - one with
lots of details that appear to sometimes appear to be irrelevant
but actually add to the story by developing the personalities of
the characters or by setting the physical or emotional environment
for the sexual activities. This is not an easy task; it's very
easy to drift into extraneous details that distract from the
story. Readers don't want an inventory of all the items in the
physical environment or an anthropological description of "a day
in the life" of the characters; and so it's the author's job to
decide what to include and what to exclude. I once received a
critical comment from a reader who knocked me for picking on Friar
Dave in "Singapore Girl." My correspondent pointed out that he
happened to know that what Friar Dave said in that story was all
true - the way it "really happened." My reply was that if Friar
Dave were writing as an anthropologist or maybe even as an
autobiographer, then he should include details that have nothing
to do with the focus of the story. However, since Friar Dave was
writing a story, he needed to stick more to his focus (as he does
in most of his other excellent stories). At any rate, this
ability to enrich a story without losing balance is one of Sue's
main strengths. Authors who want to enrich their own stories in
this way should study Sue's technique. (Sue herself thinks she
writes good stories because she's one hot chick with a vivid
imagination. Not true! It's because she has an ability to enrich
a story without losing balance. Right!)
I encountered some irritating formatting problems with this story:
(1) I frequently encountered the words "Mail" and "Save as..." at
strange places throughout the text. Sue must have some sort of
macro with her mailer that interprets quotation marks as these
commands. I simply used my global replace function to turn these
back into quotation marks, and the story was much easier to read.
(2) I noticed that Sue was omitting her apostrophes for
possessives and for contractions. On an impulse, I did a search
for apostrophes in the story and found nary a one of them. Since
I am pretty sure Sue knows about the existence of the apostrophe,
I think Sue should check her mailer, which appears to be deleting
or altering some punctuation marks. I mention this publicly
(rather than in a private note to Sue) because this happens more
often than authors may realize. It's a good idea to download your
stories yourself to see what they actually look like to your
readers. Anyway, I resolved not to "take points off" for faulty
apostrophes and quotation marks, but I encourage Sue to look into
this when she reposts or archives this story.
This is an excellent story. The following sentence contains a
subtle grammar problem. Can you tell what it is? "The trail was
very rugged, showing little signs of regular use. " Answer: there
should not be an "s" on "signs". The phrase should be either
"little sign" or "few signs." The present sentence says that
there were tiny (little) signs that the trail was used regularly.
(Boy! Are my students in for a rough day tomorrow if I don't have
an orgasm soon!) (Rating: 10)
* "On the Dock" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). Sue goes off for a
solitary vacation in the forests of Maine. Certain that she is
alone, she does the furry wild thing solo by the side of the lake
and falls asleep. She is awakened by the sound of the voices of a
couple who have been observing her from a nearby cabin. She
feigns sleep and watches them make love on their dock.
Afterwards, they join her with the promise of additional mutually
hot sex.
Sue does her usual good job of describing sexual activities in
vivid detail and of making the sex fit in perfectly with the mood
set by the environment. This is another excellent story.
Ratings for "On the Dock"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Red Hot" by Sue (suenh@kear.tdsnet.com). This story has a
build-up that is itself longer than most of the sex stories on
this newsgroup. By the time the real sex got started, I felt that
I actually knew the participants.
Sue serves as an art consultant to an elementary school. She
meets with the teachers and principal; and after school she finds
it necessary to accompany John (the principal) and two of the
teachers (Polly and Michael) to the married couple's house. The
chemistry starts to warm up when Michael shows Sue how to improve
her technique at cutting zucchini - a vegetable I have never
before seen mentioned on this newsgroup. The others eventually
discover that this person with them is THE SueNH from the most
popular Newsgroup on Internet. John has practically died and gone
to heaven, because not only does he lurk on alt.sex.stories (which
draws him to Sue), but he also is constantly on the alert for
stories and pictures of red-heads (a disability which attracts him
to Polly). Fortunately, John is not also attracted to burly,
male, Eastern European art teachers; and so the prospects for
grouping and groping look good.
When someone suggests that Sue could write a story about their
gathering, she disingenuously suggests that she needs more hints,
and then the orgy ensues. It turns out that red-haired Polly does
not object in principle to making it with her principal when she
lets her down, and Michael is especially interested in Sue now
that he has learned that she is one of the three hottest women on
alt.sex.stories. It is only fitting that I end this pun-filled
paragraph with Sue's own award-winning statement about Polly as
she went to work on John: "Normally he was the principal. Tonight
she was the headmistress." And I was so damned pleased with my
own humble pun about the orgy ensuing!
An interesting element of the story is that Sue several times
mentions her own personal distaste for anal sex. She likes to be
rimmed, but objects up the ass tend to strike her as painful.
{You know, it's really hard to write this paragraph without
sounding like I'm making puns! But I'm trying to be serious here.}
The effect is really interesting. Sue is actually able to make
the story more erotic by mentioning the kind of sex she is NOT
having.
For some reason the formatting of Sue's story has run amuck.
There are no apostrophes at all in the entire story, even though
many are called for. In addition, all the beginning quotes have
been changed to "Mail" and the end quotes to "Save as...". This
is really quite annoying. I am certain that Sue is smart enough
not to make these mistakes; but the effect is severely
distracting. I suggest that you use a global change strategy to
get rid of the "Mail" and "Save as..." problem. Somebody out
there must know what is happening. Is everyone getting this
mucked up version of the story, or is it the result of some sort
of interaction between Sue's system and my AOL system? I suggest
this possibility, because I found a similar problem in one other
(but not all) of the stories that I downloaded from the postings
through AOL this week. If someone can tell me the solution to
this problem, I'll post it in a future issue. I suspect that a
lot of readers and writers would like to know what to do about
this.
Ratings for "Red Hot"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Slippery When Wet" by Sue. I was going to read this story late
at night and write the review right away, but after a story like
that I have to take a break and visit my husband. He's going to
wake up with one hot mouth around his cock! This was a truly
erotic story. I can't do it justice by trying to summarize it -
It's about a girl and a guy who get into the fitness center
jacuzzi after closing time. Read the story for the rest.
The only part that I didn't like at first was when they let the
three college kids join them in the jacuzzi. Actually, I liked
that part too; but except for that part, I'd be ecstatic for a
chance to do exactly what the two of them did. Sue has one of the
best disclaimer's of all the a.s.s. writers: "Reading and writing
these stories should be acts of fantasy, and I hope that you can
keep your notions of real and fantasy life separate in your mind.
I know I can." And so can I! (Rating 10.0)
* "To Serve and Protect" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). If you read my
review of Sue's "Life's a Beach" in CR 20, you may recall that I
theorized that Sue wrote bad stories before her 8th. Well, either
she has renumbered the stories or I was wrong. This one (her 6th)
is one of her best. Sue is driving down a highway in Maine,
mentally reliving some of her recent sexual exploits. The wind
and fresh air have an erotic effect on her and her fingers begin
to wander. Eventually a police pulls her over because of her
erratic (or erotic) driving. The cop is a perfect gentleman, but
after he verifies that she's not dangerous and gives her a stern
lecture, he does public relations work with Sue - if you know what
I mean! They don't call those Maine cops Mounties for nothing.
As Sue herself says, "With a cock this big, what need does he have
for a night stick! "
This is Sue at her best: an excellent build-up plus detailed and
graphic descriptions of the actual sexual encounter. If you want
an example of excellent punctuation, you should read this story.
Likewise, if you're studying the impact of Mayan civilization on
the modern world economy you should read this story. You won't
necessarily learn a lot about either punctuation or Mayans, but
you'll certainly enjoy a good story. (Rating: 10)
* "A Weekend on the Island" by Anonymous (suenh@kear.tdsnet.com).
This was recently reposted by someone else as simply "On the
Island." Sue has certainly become popular on alt.sex.stories
lately. In addition to starring in the previous story and this
one, she has reposted several of her own stories in the past few
weeks; and she was the central figure in my own "Virtuous
Reality." The present story is written in the form of a letter to
a minister from his wife, who has been spending the weekend on an
island with the assistant pastor and Sue and her boyfriend. I
guess you could say that Sue was doing some missionary work,
although she was rarely in that position. This story contains a
lot of really hot sex between and among the various characters.
The most serious problem I encountered was that at one point Ross
was staring at Sue with his eyes closed. I think that would be
hard to do; but with Sue all things are possible. Since this is a
partially religious tract, I suppose it is appropriate to conclude
with a partially religious question. Is it more blessed for the
pastor's wife to give or to receive head from the assistant pastor
while traveling at 65 m.p.h. on the expressway on the way home
from the island?
Ratings for "A Weekend on the Island"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "You Big, Me Doll" by SueNH (Repost by Bookman Archives
<readebks@wolfenet.COM>). SueNH used to be one of the most
prolific and most popular authors on this newsgroup. I have not
seen any new writings by Sue in nearly a year. I hope she
returns: I find her stories often to be a model of excellent
story development. I am also reposting reviews of three more of
her stories that have recently been reposted by Bookman Archives.
The present story is one of Sue's earliest attempts. It describes
Sue having a dream in which her lover is normal size and she has
shrunk to the size of a tiny doll - a la "Honey, I Lost the Kids"
or (at a higher level of sophistication) "Gulliver's Travels." It
may sound difficult for an itty bitty woman to have sex with a
huge mother of a guy {note the unusual but legitimate use of the
word "mother"}, but Sue does all right, even without full vaginal
penetration.
This isn't Sue's best story, but it's still interesting. If you
want a much sexier story by this author, try "Craftsmanship,"
which is reviewed below.
Ratings for "You Big, Me Doll"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8