Celestial Reviews 234 - November 15, 1997
Note: People occasionally write and say, "The reviews are great, but
where do I find the stories?" The three best ways to find the stories
are (1) get them from a.s.s. or a.s.s.m. when they are posted, (2) get
them from the a.s.s.m. archive
(http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica.html), and (3) get them from
www.dejanews.com. At DejaNews, I suggest using the search words
"alt.sex.stories" plus key words from the title of the story. Sometimes
(but not always) the author's name will also help on DejaNews.
Second note: Other people occasionally write and say, "Your ratings are
too high!" They point out that on a 10-point scale, the average story
should rate around 5. They ask if I think all my straight 10's rank up
there with the great works of literature.
I'll address the second problem first. If the works of John Milton and
John Bunyon are among the great works of literature, then so are these
stories. But those aren't, and neither are some of these.
As for my high ratings, I am trying to maintain a certain degree of
consistency. Initially, I tried to compare the stories I reviewed to
what I saw throughout all of alt.sex.stories. I designated the worst
stories I saw as zeroes and the best as tens. However, two things
happened:
1. People started writing better stories, and
2. I stopped reading and reviewing most of the bad stories.
About a year ago I made a serious effort to stiffen my requirements for
10's. Authors responded by writing even better stories. Since I want
to maintain some semblance of continuity between old and new ratings, I
can't keep on raising my standards.
The key factor in my "grade inflation" is that people send me and I tend
to select predominantly good stories for review. Since I am
deliberately avoiding bad stories, it's not surprising that I don't give
many ones and zeroes and that I get a lot of tens. It's like trying to
rate the baseball ability of everyone who plays that sport. Almost all
major leaguers would get 10's, because they are clearly superior to the
run-of-the-mill players. However, these tens would not help people
determine who are the best major league baseball players.
The problem with my "inflated ratings" is that it is difficult to tell
the excellent stories from the good stories. There are two ways to
solve this problem. First, you can read the narrative of the reviews to
learn more about the stories, and then you can read the stories
themselves and make up your own mind about their quality. Second, if
you really want my opinion to serve as a guideline, look at the Top 20
lists that I post each month. I seriously maintain that any story on my
Top 20 lists is as good as the stories you will find on magazine racks,
and those in the Top 5 or so are often better than what kids read in
their high school literature classes.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Not Blackmailed" by Tigger (mild bdsm) 10, 10, 10
"Nick Gory" by H.D. Meister (action adventure sex) 10, 10, 10
"Japan-A Sex Story" by Me (kiddy sex) 7, 6, 3
"Spare Keys" by Brother Cadfael (sleepy, dreamlike sex)
10, 10, 10
"MIR: A Trip to Heaven and Back" by Kathy (spaceship sex)
7, 9, 9
"Daydreams" by Kim (sexy fantasies) 10, 10, 10
"Best Friends" by Nymph (threesome) 10, 8, 8
"His Girlfriend's Mother" by Ann Douglas (adolescent/adult
one-nighter) 10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Feed the Night" by Brother Cadfael (lesbian vampire sex) 8, 9, 8
"The Temp of the Perverse" by Twelve (Poe parody) 10, 8, 8
"My So Called Life" by DisneyWD1 (anthropological yawner)
7, 8, 6
"Tease" by Hawk Richards (sexual titillation) 10, 10, 10
"Prissy" By Waldo (mystery & TG story) 10, 8, 7
"Her Little Sister" by Charles Wood (sex, romance, & intrigue)
10, 10, 10
"Not Blackmailed" by Tigger (tigger@alices.com). The protagonist is an
author for a newsgroup like this one. He is inexperienced sexually, but
he has an active imagination and has written several good stories
dealing with benign bdsm. That is, he doesn't like stories in which the
domme sends the male screaming into the night, never to return.
Occasionally he finishes his stories at the office, and one day he
accidentally lets his boss find one of his stories on his computer
screen. It turns out that she is a fan of his writing on the newsgroup,
and they make plans to give him some practical experience.
This is a very good story. There's not much explicit sex in it, but the
plot does a good job of integrating bdsm with an office environment that
involves no exploitation.
Ratings for "Not Blackmailed"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Nick Gory" by H.D. Meister (dez187lm@hotmail.com). Nick Gory is a
government agent who has been assigned to track down and arrest Katrina,
the most beautiful black woman who ever existed. Unfortunately, Katrina
is also a major drug dealer. I found the surrounding plot to be a bit
confusing - but the author did that to me on purpose. The sex scenes,
however, are highly erotic.
Ratings for "Nick Gory"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Japan-A Sex Story" by Me (afowler888@aol.com). If my math and memory
are correct, this is a story about a 18-year-old American boy who goes
to Japan as an exchange student and fucks the living brains out of a 12-
year-old Japanese girl and her little friend. I think it must have
something to do with getting even for Pearl Harbor. I guess there's a
market for this kind of crap.
Ratings for "Japan-A Sex Story"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Spare Keys" by Brother Cadfael (Brother_Cadfael@earthcorp.com). An ex-
girlfriend lets herself into the guy's apartment with a spare key and
tries to spark a dying flame. The only trouble with this story is that
it's so short that it's almost not a full story. But I enjoyed it
thoroughly. I also think I may change the locks on my house.
Ratings for "Spare Keys"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"MIR: A Trip to Heaven and Back" by Kathy (kristen78@aol.com). Shannon
is an American astronaut stationed with two Soviet cosmonauts on the
Space Station MIR. The Russians are horny as hell from their
deprivation with no women in space for a long time, and Shannon is
quickly convinced to help them fulfill their needs. This is a good idea
for a story, but it doesn't quite come off. Certainly there must be
aspects of sex in a space station that would be of unique interest (such
as weightlessness and semen floating freely after it has been
ejaculated), but the author devotes little attention to these topics.
For the most part, the sex described here could have occurred among
three horny people anywhere. In addition, although the author seems to
have run a spellcheck, there are numerous instances of incorrect words.
Still, this is a pretty good story.
Ratings for "MIR: A Trip to Heaven and Back"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Daydreams" by Kim (Kim@nym.alias.net). This is essentially the erotic
version of "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty." Kim describes a day
during which she daydreams while she goes about her daily activities.
Each daydream is more erotic than the last. I'll tell you no more: read
the story yourself. You won't regret it.
Ratings for "Daydreams"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Best Friends" by Nymph (nymph@sirius.com). A guy goes to a party, and
by Jove, he's going to get lucky. The trouble is, he gets TOO lucky,
and the best friend of the girl he wants in the sack with him is so
interested in him that she won't go away. What the heck! He fucks them
both. If that plot sounds good to you, you'll enjoy this story.
Ratings for "Best Friends"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"His Girlfriend's Mother" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net). Becky
Riley is a teenage girl who is using a classmate named Mike in order to
get him to do her homework. Her mother is repulsed by this - not
because Becky is cheating herself out of an education, but rather
because the bitch is throwing mere sexual pittances Mike's way, instead
of giving him the good sex he so richly deserves. So Mom tries to make
up for her daughter's shortcummings by giving the virgin boy his first
view of a naked woman, his first blowjob, and his first full vaginal
penetration - all in a night's work.
Grammar time: Which of these sentences uses a word incorrectly?
He could already feel his dick getting hard again.
Michael's cock was buried in her already wet pussy.
I'll bet you're already to go again.
Answer: the third sentence is correct. "Already" does not mean "entirely
ready." The author should have said, "I'll bet you're all ready to go
again."
Ratings for "His Girlfriend's Mother"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Feed the Night" by Brother Cadfael (Brother_Cadfael@earthcorp.com).
Guest review by DG.
I always like to see some originality in a sex story; so when I realized
that "Feed the Night" was a tale about a pair of lesbian vampires, I was
intrigued. One vampire, Jezebel, makes a habit of picking up exotic
dancers at a local strip club and feeding off them. The none-too-bright
owner of the club is always complaining that his dancers never show up
for work again after Jezebel takes them home. As the story opens,
Jezebel picks up a dancer named Andi and takes her back to her place for
a drink. But Jezebel likes Andi so much that she turns her into a
vampire instead of feeding off her, and they begin a torrid affair.
Then they both start having strange, ominous dreams about the same dark
man, and it is up to the new vampire, Andi, to save Jezebel from her
past.
I liked the plot and characters in this story, but I thought the
execution could have been a lot better. The middle section, when
Jezebel and Andi are both recovering from the conversion of Andi into a
vampire, drags a bit. And I didn't really find myself getting into the
sex scenes very much. As much as I enjoy watching women have sex with
each other, I really don't enjoy reading about it all that much,
especially when it's written in the third person by male writer. I
guess I need to be able to identify with one of the characters to really
get turned on. On the positive side, the story does have a mysterious,
gothic atmosphere and an ambitious plot. If you are a fan of erotic
vampire stories, a la Anne Rice, you will enjoy "Feed the Night."
Ratings for "Feed the Night"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
DG (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Temp of the Perverse" by Twelve (twelfth@psynet.net). Guest review
by Vickie Tern.
This story begins with a mock appeal to netsmut addicts not unlike those
that Edgar Allen Poe's narrators occasionally used to induce foreboding
in Poe's readers, those decent patrons of pulp mag perversity of his own
time who were, after all, helping to keep him in booze and drugs by
buying his stuff:
"Do not judge me and the unabashed irrationality of my sordid acts until
you have heard me out. Think not that you are immune. That dark corner
of your soul though carefully hidden can be exposed in an instant, and
the cool reasoned intellect that smirks at these twisted words can be
tossed into the maelstrom that whirls and sucks all into the insatiable
abyss."
Yeahhh! There it all is, big words conferring authority on everything
described, our helplessness before our own compulsions, the smug
assumption that any impulses not rationally conceived and approved must
be evil, and due warning of the sure and certain fate that awaits those
who submit -- chaos of the mind, madness, death, at the very least a
mind-staggering fuck beyond imagination or hope for redemption! Way to
go! Poe still rules because behind the facade of conventional "Gothic"
ghost and horror stories he sneakily reared up all sorts of deliciously
wicked desires, the kinds we abhor in daylight and love to cultivate in
the dark (if we're over 18, of course). The drama's largely of style as
we observe his overly-literate narrators with their perfervid
imaginations all going bonkers under the thin propriety sustained by
their educated discourse. Cautionary notes for us all indeed.
So the warning provided at the outset is part of the fun in this parody
Poe tale. And if the writer hadn't overdone it, it would have come off
well. Essentially it tells of a proper middle-aged office manager with
a small, adequate office staff, reconciled in his own mind that he is
married to a frigid shrew. It then tells what happens to his employees,
himself, and his wife when a mysterious Indian "Temp" secretary comes to
work wearing a powerful aphrodisiacal patchouli, an attribute of Eastern
erotic goddesses. Something not unlike sexual desire rears its head.
In fact, that's exactly what it is, pounding, pulsating, driving the
participants into mad sexual exploits in the best Roger Corman or
Universal Horror film manner. Even during business hours! How crazed
can impropriety get? Read and find out.
All good fun, especially as the narrator's language keeps paying lip
service to the supposed moral certainties of Poe's time if not ours
(e.g. the Indian Temp "had discovered the means to tap this foetid fount
and loose a stream of unchannelled debauchery on whomever happened in
its path. Does evil need a rationale for its existence?"). He's
literate enough to pass dozens of Celeste's SAT Vocabulary Training
Tests, and even makes reference to Parvati and Nabokov ("wipe your
glosses with what you know," James Joyce once advised).
But for me, after a while, even though the writer's ingenuity sustained
itself, the joke wore too thin. The "gossamer glossolalia" even got to
be a screen hiding the hot sex, instead of an amusingly ironic, heavy-
breathing revelation of it. There's plentiful wit in this tale, but
even Poe turned to single-syllables and unmannerly direct discourse when
he went all out. Now and then, "Enough already!" I cried to the
writer's obdurate and refractory muses, fists extended in supplicating
entreaty. But did they listen? No.
I've got to add that no tale is negligible that begins with a classical
epigraph like this: "Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal
it is which never entrusts its life to one hole only." - Titus Maccius
Plautus, *Truculentus* There is deep thought here for porn fans. As
there is in the concluding motto: "Homo sum: humani nil a me alienum
puto." - Terence. This last is often used to justify all erotic
writing, translated "I'm human, everything human is of interest to me."
In fact in the Roman play where it appears it's a line spoken by a
sexually depraved old man, and means in effect, "I'm a man, so I'll fuck
anything that walks on two legs!" Who says the classics don't elevate
our souls and sensibilities the way porn does?
Ratings for "The Temp of the Perverse"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Vickie (appeal to reviewer): 8
"My So Called Life" by DisneyWD1 (disneywd1@aol.com). Guest review by
BillyG.
"My So Called Life" is a 13,000 word emotional flat line written in the
technical style and jargon of a teenager who would have been given
perhaps a "C" in Grammar by Celeste. More to the point, the story would
have garnered a "D" in erotic appeal.
Oh, the elements, at least some of them, are there. Brian, the poor
little rich kid is introduced to sex by Sally, the high school "popular
girl," only to fall for her somewhat less-attractive girlfriend, Becky.
Then hero and Becky do the deed, each for the first time, and that story
is told with all the verve of a stock quote.
Fans of minutia and detail will be pleased, even impressed. We learn
more of the hum-drum detail of their lives that prepares us for what?
Nothing, as it turn out. Meaningless trivia that goes nowhere.
Our reluctant hero Brian is eventually seduced by his younger sister
(with Becky's consent, even urging). He labors through this menage a
trois, noble soul that he is, and remains apparently unaffected and
unruffled. Later, again with Becky's urging, they inter into yet
another threesome with good old Sally and yet later a foursome. Yawn.
This is best characterized as a monologue about largely featureless,
two-dimensional people who are moving smoothly through an untroubled
life on a flat road to no where. The peter meter never budged.
Ratings for "My So Called Life"
Athena (technical quality): 7 (The story needs a
fundamental clean up.)
Venus (plot & character): 8 (The stuff of a story is there
but it just doesn't work.)
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 6 (It's a social worker's
case report.)
"Tease" by Hawk Richards (hawkrds@aol.com). Guest review by The Bear
(thebear@io.com).
The time has come for The Wease1 to come scampering out of the closet,
or slinking out of the closet, or turning cartwheels out of the closet,
or whatever the heck Wease1s do -- and to reveal himself as none other
than The Bear (aka The New Bear or TheBear@io.com). Those that
understood the joke are probably tired of it, and those that didn't
understand didn't miss much.
"Tease," by Hawk Richards, is a good story. It begins with a man and
woman on a date at a nice restaurant. The male narrator describes the
woman's exquisite features in appreciative detail while they flirt over
dinner, and then he takes her home and she invites him in for coffee.
Sexual activity ensues, including an arousingly written session of
cunnilingus. I'm not going to say anything further about the plot,
except that the teasing you expect may not be the teasing that you find.
This story gets a 10 on technical quality, meaning not that it was
perfect technically but that it was at least as well written as the last
thing *I* posted <g> and that minor errors didn't detract at all from
the story. I had a harder time with the plot and character rating - the
story doesn't have a great deal of plot or character development, but
then it is a fairly short and straightforward story and didn't need
much. I say it has the right amount of plot and character for the story
it tells, and that gets it a 10. I had an even more difficult time with
the subjective appeal to reviewer rating. The story as a whole didn't
really push any buttons for me, but then there were those nice
descriptions of the girl and those hot paragraphs of oral sex ... I
finally decided that was worth a 10.
Ratings for "Tease"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot and character): 10
Bear (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Prissy" By Waldo (MelLin6695). Guest review by Kim.
Back from the dead, I've been lucky enough to review some more. Praise
the Goddess for second chances. Anyway, this is the strange story of the
downfall of Bryan Patterson, former ace reporter for the Washington
Post.
It begins with a phone call to a former colleague and part time lover,
Trish. Busy trying to finish an article with a fast approaching
deadline, she nevertheless is sufficiently intrigued by Bryan's pleading
to talk to him, that she stops to listen to his incredible tale.
He describes to Trish how he left her for another woman, Priscilla, a
bookish, frumpy woman who has helped him to write a book. This, of
course, pisses off Trish, but that's not the main thrust of hapless
Bryan's story.
One night Priscilla and Bryan happen to cross paths with the mysterious
and powerful Gary Franks and his entourage of a dozen beautiful,
flawless women in a restaurant. One of the beautiful women happens to be
a past friend of Priscilla. Soon Bryan and Priscilla are drawn into a
nightmarish world of mindless sex and transformation, led by the
enigmatic Franks.
So was it any good? Well, it's very well written, the first three
quarters of the story read more like a good mystery thriller.
Unfortunately the mood is not sustained and it either dissolves into
science fiction farce or gay sex romp, depending on your views and
tastes. The ending is either silly, or sexy I guess, depending on that
view.
The central concept that a woman would want to trade brains for looks
and libido is pretty offensive too.
Personally, I have a slight antipathy towards TG stories as I once lived
with a man who had a taste for them. It's caused me, erm, problems ever
since.
Ratings for "Prissy" By Waldo
Athena (technical quality): 10 (Very well written)
Venus (plot & character): 8 (Some unlikely characters and a
silly end)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 7 (Interesting yes, sexy no)
"Her Little Sister" by Charles Wood (wood2chuck@hotmail.com). Guest
review by Piper
When I first read the story title, what immediately sprang to mind was
some sort of illicit, immoral tale of incest, debauchery, and hot sex
between a pair of sisters. You know, one of those semi-literate pieces
where the story is some sort of patchwork used to bridge the gaps
between sex scenes?
I was only partly right.
What I found when I got into the story, was a well-written, emotional,
imaginative tale filled with incest, debauchery, and hot sex.
Donna is the older sister. Robert sort-of fell in lust with the
beautiful 21-year-old woman (10 years his junior). When he visited her
house to help her with her resume (he was her sort-of co-worker), he
fell in even deeper lust with Allison, who is the younger sister.
Allison is the more aggressive of the two, so she gets to Robert first,
later that same evening. She is also the more mature and intelligent of
the two, with a soul-deep understanding of human nature and motives. She
understands Robert in a way even Robert doesn't (reading her big
sister's diary helped). She also knows (from the diary) that her big
sister has a serious case of the hots for Robert. The trouble is, big
sister is being a good girl. Little sister cooks up a plan to change
that.
Somewhere in the story, the sisters' mother, Debbi, gets involved.
Somewhere in the story there's a little incest (which surprises all of
the involved protagonists). Somewhere in the story Donna gets funky,
much to Robert's delight. Now, Robert has a choice to make. Who does he
want? Where is his heart leading him? Which of the beautiful women who
he is so attracted to is the right one for him? What a difficult choice
to make. I just wish I had his problem!
This is a first posting by Chuck. It's a long (150k) story. I hope we
see a whole lot more stories of this quality from him.
Ratings for "Her Little Sister"
Technical merit 10
Plot and character 10
Appeal to reviewer 10