Celestial Reviews 232 - November 8, 1997
Note: I am giving up on tracking down author's addresses. If you don't
put your name and address ON THE MANUSCRIPT, I am no longer going to
bother tracking it down for you.
Second note: Mark Bastable has written a new story and has also
reposted all his old ones. I am reviewing the new one and reposting all
the old reviews. Welcome back, Mark! I'm looking forward to "L."
Third note: I had a joke set for this "third note" slot, but in light
of the recent flare-up regarding two of my favorite people on a.s.s.d.,
I suppose I should move the humor to the next issue and make a brief
comment here. Many readers have already offered constructive input, but
I thought I should at least mention the issue here.
I am going to go into my Matriarch mode for the duration of this note.
Then I'll return to my Sex Goddess mode for the rest of this issue. I
have very little actual authority in either mode, but occasionally
something I say makes sense. So here goes.
First, let me tell you both, if you read this, what I would tell my
daughter under the same circumstances: "Get a grip! Take this whole
episode as a growth experience and get on with your lives." My daughter
would tell me to take a flying fuck at the moon, but then she would let
some time pass, get a grip, and take it as a growth experience. I hope
you do the same. This is not to say anyone's problem is unimportant,
but let's try to keep things in perspective.
Second, don't do anything really stupid when you are really upset.
Count to ten or have sex with someone really nice and let some time
pass. If you wind up doing something you later regret, consider the
possibility of undoing it. You don't always have to live with your
mistakes - sometimes you can correct them.
Third, be realistic. Don't be naive! Not everything on a.s.s.d. is
what it seems to be. Some of the "true" stories are not really true;
some of them aren't even POSSIBLE. But if Mike Hunt is really the
Weasel who writes anonymous reviews under the name Piper and then
denounces himself, who is he really hurting? I myself am comfortable
relating to people on this newsgroup with the assumption that they are
who they say they are. Of course, all I do is read dirty stories and
give grammar advice, so my risks are low. However, I think all you
readers should be sophisticated enough to realize that somebody out
there might be playing a game by different rules than you are. Protect
yourself!
Finally, I consider you both to be my friends, and I hope to see you
around here again. If you go away, you'll miss us, and we'll miss you.
By the way, if you have no idea what I am talking about, either read
a.s.s.d. between SHIT IN MY FACE!!! and BARBIE IS WAITING - or better
yet, ignore this note.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Stabat Mater" by Zealot McCarthy (pedophile fantasy)
8, 9, 5
"Ruthie Rabbit and the Hounds" by DANTE (bestiality & snuff)
9, 9, 0
"Down the Aisle" by Frenchy the Third (manipulation)
8, 8, 8
"The Elaboration" by Oscar Paco (nudity & hedonism)
10, 10, 10
"My Brother" by Janet L. Dunning (very friendly adult incest)
10, 10, 10
"K" by Mark Bastable (passing judgment on a dissolute life)
10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Lost Passion" by H.D. Meister (mutual masturbation)
7, 8, 7
"The Birthday Party" by Losgud (romantic birthday weekend)
8, 8, 9
"Greatheads Come Together" by Unknown Author (hot sex
plus outrageous farce) 9, 8, 10
"So Shy" by Scott Sanders (young love) 9, 10, 10
"The Vendor of Coconuts" by F. L. Byrste (insipid sex)
"DS9: Body of Evidence" By Alan C. McD (sci fi sex) 8, 10, 7
"Awakening Jennifer" by Sabina GA (lesbian awakening)
6, 7, 6
"Dirty Amber" by Mary Jorsay Gandmar (developing
relationship) 9, 9, 9
Reposted Reviews:
* "Auditor" by Mark Bastable (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
* "Bean City" by Mark Bastable (bdsm) 10, 10, 10
* "Catalyst" by Mark Bastable (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
* "Dutch Treat" by Mark Bastable (tawdry encounter) 10, 10, 10
* "Escalator" by Mark Bastable (brief encounter) 10, 9, 9
* "French Tickler" by Mark Bastable (sex on a bus) 10, 10, 10
* "Glissando" by Mark Bastable (very hot non-sex) 10, 10, 10
* "Hotel" by Mark Bastable (bdsm) 10, 10, 10
* "Interpreter" by Mark Bastable (sexual innuendo) 10, 10, 10
* "July 4" by Mark Bastable (public quickie) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Stabat Mater" by Zealot McCarthy (nobody@REPLAY.COM). The author
states up front that English is not his native language. This presents
some minor problems, but overall the result is a very simple use of the
language that adds to the straightforwardness of the narrative.
The story describes a man going to a cathedral to listen to a musical
presentation in which his favorite little girl will sing as part of the
choir. He fantasizes that she joins him for sex during the recital. She
doesn't, but he comes anyway.
I originally assumed that the story might have something to do with the
"Stabat Mater," which is a traditional Latin song about Mary at the foot
of the Cross of Jesus. However, as far as this story is concerned, the
title has no meaning beyond the fact that this was the song the choir
was singing while the man was fantasizing.
This is not the kind of story that most readers of this newsgroup
usually enjoy; but it does give a reasonable representation of the mind
of confused man who is lusting after an innocent little girl.
Ratings for "Stabat Mater"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Ruthie Rabbit and the Hounds" by DANTE. There's a really good
mainstream story entitled "The Most Dangerous Game" by Richard Connell,
in which madman captures and hunts human prey. In that story the human
prey manages to turn the tables on his insane predator.
In this case we have a woman being hunted down, sexually mistreated,
mutilated, and killed. I'd like to think the author is being satirical
- pointing out that only a person with no life or brains would enjoy a
story like this. I must have a life or brains or something, because I
didn't enjoy this story even a little bit.
Ratings for "Ruthie Rabbit and the Hounds"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 0
"Down the Aisle" by Frenchy the Third. The narrator of this story
claims to have built the woman he intended to marry into the ideal
sextoy for himself, both physically and emotionally.
The story consists of a detailed description of the manipulations
through which the narrator gets his bride-to-be primed for the wedding
and for their life of bliss together. He uses his powers of persuasion
to get Tawny to agree to his Five Basic Conditions; and sure enough, she
agrees; and sure enough she becomes ecstatically happy as a result of
her submissiveness to this wonderful stud. Of course, she has no
comparable demands for him; but hey, if one's stud is going to take care
of one, why should one make demands?
I suspect guys will enjoy this story more than ladies will.
Ratings for "Down the Aisle"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
DG (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Elaboration" by Oscar Paco (OscarPaco@aol.com). The title of this
story refers to the gradual steps in the development of the hedonistic
relationship between a middle-aged man and two lovely young ladies.
After his divorce the man initially becomes interested in nude
sunbathing himself, and then he meets the young ladies on the beach and
becomes especially attracted to one of them. Slowly they become closer
and eventually engage in sexual activities. The timing of the story and
the descriptions of the activities are very well done. This is a very
nice story.
Ratings for "The Elaboration"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
DG (appeal to reviewer): 10
"My Brother" by Janet L. Dunning with help from Friar Dave
(Friar_Dave@mhbbs.com). This exceptionally well-written story comes to
us through the eyes of a woman who has barely graduated from college and
who is visiting her older brother. She becomes attracted to her brother
and also to the woman whom his brother is dating. Meanwhile, she dates
that woman's brother, and the cad tries to date rape her. When she
brings this news home to her brother and his date, they comfort her and
make tender love to her. She eventually develops a long-term, loving
relationship with her brother, with occasional visits from the other
woman. It's all very sexy.
I found this story listed as "Dunning" in a.s.s. Friar Dave claims it
was written by someone else (Janet Dunning), with a little help from him
for the finishing touches. This may be true, but it certainly reads
like one of Friar Dave's better stories.
Ratings for "My Brother"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
DG (appeal to reviewer): 10
"K" by Mark Bastable (markb@aboy.demon.co.uk). This author is writing
one story for each letter of the alphabet. Although having a character
named "K" sounds like a really lazy approach to meeting the K
requirement, this is still a very good story.
David K has been arrested an is on trial in the court of morality for
his sexual sins, which are summarized in an interesting manner.
Eventually even he begins to agree that maybe he was a bit of an
asshole; but he realizes that if he throws himself at the mercy of the
court, he may get off easy <g>. He does, but he doesn't. I can't give
you the details. Just remember: "Jesus H Christ, nobody's responsible
for promises made in the throes of lust. Nobody believes that stuff."
Ratings for "K"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
DG (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Lost Passion" by H.D. Meister (dez187lm@hotmail.com). Guest review by
Mark Aster.
This is basically a nice friendly sex story, about a guy who is looking
forward to a nice solitary night of jerking off to dirty movies when a
lesbian friend invites herself over, and they end up masturbating
together and generally having a good time.
But there's all this other odd STUFF in it that I don't understand, and
that detracts seriously from the effect. Possibly the stuff has to do
with some fetish that I'm not familiar with, or some personal fantasy of
the author's, or perhaps this is part of a longer novel or something. I
dunno.
For instance, the author on the one hand wants to build up a certain
sexual tension here, as though masturbating in front of each other would
be an exciting forbidden new thing. But on the other hand the second
sentence we hear him say to her is "Just don't be shocked when I whip
out Gunny and pound pud." So it's pretty clear that their relationship
isn't exactly characterized by delicacy and restraint.
The narrator also refers to "Mack90" many times; it seems to be some
magical method of controlling women by talking in the proper tones, or
of mind-reading, or perhaps it's a spirit that lodges in his head and
helps him do the right thing in tough situations. Or something. He
apparently got it from his father. And it actually plays no important
role at all in the story; nothing the two characters do needs a magical
or supernatural explanation. But the author keeps bringing it in
anyway.
The diction and spelling are uneven. In the midst of a rather explicit
scene, the narrator suddenly thinks "sleep with her", when he actually
means "ball/screw/fuck her", and the euphemism is distractingly funny.
At one point we have the text "I always wondered what it would feel like
to run my tongue across the whit-hot lfesh beneath the thick hair thish
struggled valiantly to hide a woman's wonder." Now it's possible that
that line got mangled in transit by some computer, but I suspect that
the story just needs spell-checking.
The title also seems to have no bearing on the story, unless I'm missing
something very key...
Well, I'm nattering. I'll only mention one last oddity, because it
struck me as so funny: "I sat in one of the two recliner chairs in my
livingroom smoking on a ten dollar cigar and sipping on a forty ounce
malt liquor (yeah... I'm black)". Now I guess I'm just naive, but that
last parenthetical phrase there had me giggling pretty hard. Are we
supposed to have inferred his race from the chairs, the cigar, or the
liquor? Ah well, at least it wasn't watermelon or fried chicken...
Anyway, I would have enjoyed this story much more without the odd
pseudo-magical and mind-reading baggage, as just a simple story of two
friends enjoying each other's company. But what can you do?
(I'll do numbers, but be warned that I'm probably a tougher grader than
Celeste, even when I'm trying to roughly mimic her numbering.)
Ratings for "Lost Passion"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Aster (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The Birthday Party" by Losgud (lushgod@hotmail.com). Guest Review by
DG.
I reviewed a story by losgud a while back, and while I liked the story,
I complained about the jumpy, stream-of-consciousness style, which I
found a little distracting. In this story, the author has reduced the
aimless rambling and concentrated on the narrative, and the result is,
in my opinion, a better story.
The narrator and his wife have birthdays a week apart, and he is trying
to arrange a romantic birthday weekend alone without the kids. But his
sister seems determined to ruin his plans. First she refuses to look
after the kids. Then, when he finally gets everything arranged, she
comes over to visit with his wife and refuses to leave. I don't think
any longtime a.s.s. readers will be astonished to find out what happens
next, but suffice it to say that the weekend lives up to expectations
after all.
Losgud has a flippant, casual narrative style that I enjoy, and I found
the sex in this story to be quite arousing. There's nothing spectacular
about this story, but it's a good, sexy read.
As a side note, losgud mentions that this may be his last story, because
he feels he is wasting his time and isn't getting much feedback.
Although I feel as an a.s.s. author that the writing has to be its own
reward, there is something very uplifting about receiving email from
people who enjoyed your stories, and if losgud isn't getting any (pun
intended) I can see why he would get discouraged.
Ratings for "The Birthday Party"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
DG (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Greatheads Come Together" by Unknown Author. Guest review by Bronwen.
The narrator, his wife and her sister are an item, or at least they
become one soon after the story begins. Greathead is his wife's maiden
name - guess why they keep it? Once established, the happy trio enjoy a
long sequence of episodes fucking, sucking and buggering anyone who's
passing. Some totally preposterous situations occur.
It's a blast. But it's a real mix. Some things the author describes
convincingly, a moment later I'd have a strong impression he didn't know
of what he wrote. So it's realism mixed with uninformed fantasy,
excruciatingly funny at times, banal at others. Hot sex plus the most
outrageous farce. A lot of the time it's like playing Twister in your
mind's eye - so many participants doing so much. I lost track of limbs
and orifices several times.
I guess 'patchy' is an understatement but the good bits are brilliant.
I'd be losing interest, then he'd put in a great joke and I'd perk up.
Some of our cheery narrator's lines are wonderful. Here's just two:
"Okay," I said. "Everybody off the bed! Anyone who's still on the bed
when I count 3 gets cornholed." and "..by the time I got the horse suit
off, the pizza boy was gone and it was dinner time."
Unmissable, really....
Ratings for "Greatheads Come Together"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 10
"So Shy" by Scott Sanders. Guest review by Dart.
This is a wonderful story. I loved it. Please read it. If you don't like
it, you can throw darts, rubber tipped of course, at me.
Scott and Jenny are a couple of high school kids. Jenny is extremely
shy; Scott is intrigued. He approaches her, and discovers the reason for
her shyness is a bad stuttering problem. A problem he once suffered from
himself, and a problem that still, under stress, occasionally reasserts
itself. He tries to help her but is unsuccessful. Nevertheless, they
become friends. He asks her out, and she accepts. They go to a movie;
he's thrilled to hear her laugh at it. Then they eat, and park, and
explore each other. Pretty straightforward stuff, but the loveliness of
the story is in the details.
The plot is very believable, and the characters, especially Jenny, are
nicely drawn. There is a point, when Scott first offers himself,
sexually, to Jenny that he seems just a little out of character, a
little harsher, a little more cavalier, than I expected. Still, if
you've a teenaged daughter, this is a young man you'd be happy to have
her date.
Finally, the story could have used a very light proofreading. That could
have removed, a misspelling, an unneeded word, a harsh sentence, the few
defects in the story.
Ratings for "So Shy"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Vendor of Coconuts" by F. L. Byrste (flbyrste@thevortex.com).
Guest review by Tooshoes.
A couple of weeks ago, Celeste reviewed a few stories written by authors
from India, some of which were quite good.
So I was looking forward to reading The Vendor of Coconuts, from another
Indian author. I was curious what differences I might find in Indian sex
stories. Maybe I would even learn something about the erotic wisdom of
the Kama Sutra. I hoped to meet new people, and learn new ideas about
sexuality.
Unfortunately, I didn't get any of that in Coconuts, which only taught
me that bad sex stories exist the world over.
The sex was certainly plentiful and profane enough, exceeding the
recommended daily allowance of obscenity, but it came in relatively
flavorless doses. I had never before been so bored by the lengthy
descriptions of perfect bodies bouncing off each other. The style and
the characters were mechanical, with no real life or creativity. Noun
watched Direct Object. Noun got hot. Noun fucked Direct Object
adverbally up the ass.
Most of the dialog in Coconuts came in sound effects rather than words.
For example, when a woman climaxed, she would scream something like
"OHHHHHHHHH unhhh OHHHHHH OH OH OH ahhhhh YES Ahhhhhhh". I think this
kind of dialog works much better if you are reading the story aloud.
Maybe the best way to describe Vendor of Coconuts is as the novelization
of a would be porno flick. All of the characters were porn star actors
and actresses (not including the coconut vendor), so perhaps it's not
surprising that this story resembled a porn movie -- lots of standard
sex scenes with little to no characterization or plot.
So if an exotic setting with lots of action and good lighting (or in
this case, good spelling) is all you crave, this may be the story for
you.
"DS9: Body of Evidence" By Alan C. McD (18157818@msn.com). Guest review
by Kim.
Well, this is a first for me. This was the first story that I actually
volunteered for. Perhaps I should explain that normally Celeste just
sends them unasked for and I review them. This time she happened to
mention that she had a long Star Trek story, and was anyone interested.
Being a devout trekker (well, not to the extent of wearing pointy ears
and going to conventions, but... ) I love all the incarnations. My
favorite being Voyager. God, I would love so much to be Captain
Janeway... hmmmmmm. Oh, sorry, where was I? Ah yes, the story.
What we have here is a long, leisurely tale of the bad dreams being
suffered by the gorgeous Jadzia Dax, the Trill from Deep Space Nine, the
beleaguered ex-Cardasian space-station that guards the entrance to the
worm hole, that leads to the dreaded Delta Quadrant, where the... Oh
hell, I'm rambling aren't I? <sigh>.
Anyway, Jadzia goes to see the handsome Doctor Bashir and confesses she
can't sleep because she's been suffering these intensely erotic dreams.
Er, excuse me, but if she's dreaming isn't she asleep? No, matter.
Bashir induces a sleep state in her and we journey into the twilight
world of space-station sex. There follows long, turgid descriptions of
Jadzia screwing Captain Sisko, Doctor Bashir, and Quark, the Ferengi bar
keeper. Several times over. There's even a finale of lesbian passion
with Major Kira Nerys, the station's spunky Bajoran second in command,
licking up all the collective semen pumped on, and in, the dazed Dax.
It all ends with a large dose of satisfying techno-babble, involving
telepathic alien babes, or some such. very Star Trek.
Was it worth reading? Well, maybe. It's unfortunate that the author
manages to makes the sex so lazy. I don't mean it's badly written, it's
just so s-l-o-w, you find your mind wondering, which is crazy for a
supposedly hot sex romp.
So, something of a missed opportunity. Maybe next time, Alan. Just speed
up the sex scenes, please.
Ratings for "DS9 Body of Evidence"
Athena (technical quality): 8 (Well written, but *DULL* sex scenes)
Venus (plot & character): 10 (The characters come ready made,
the plot's interesting)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 7 (Could have been great. I stayed
resolutely dry)
"Awakening Jennifer" by Sabina GA (SabinaGA@aol.com). Guest Review by
The Wease1 (thewease1@cyberjunkie.com). Note: That's a number "1" not a
letter "L" at the end of Wease1.
This story, Sabina's second posting to ASSM, is about a divorced woman
named Jennifer who decides to indulge herself in enjoyment of her true
lesbian sexual identity during a week when her teenage son is away from
home visiting Dad. She begins by masturbating in the TV room, then again
in the bathtub, while dreaming of beautiful women. The next day she goes
on a shopping spree and meets a younger woman, who flirts with her a
little bit. Then the story ends.
The foregoing plot summary is not only to help you decide whether or not
you want to read this story, but also to help you understand the story
on first reading if you do decide to read it. Sabina may have an
interesting story to tell here, but her method of telling it makes it a
little difficult to follow.
The first four paragraphs are primarily introduction of the character,
but the tense switches around from past to past perfect to present,
making it difficult to determine whether the events narrated are recent
past, ancient history, or just the past tense "present" commonly used in
most stories. Sabina finally settles down to standard past tense
narration once the action gets going, and the story is easier to follow
from that point on.
These narrative problems, plus several simple and easily noticeable
grammatical errors that should have been corrected on proof-reading,
made me feel that I was reading a first or at best second draft, and
earned the story its 6 rating on technical quality.
I gave this story a 7 rating for plot and character, because although
the reader learns quite a number of facts about the title character,
these facts are almost entirely surface matters that do not tell much
about who the character really is. The other character, the young lady
at the end of the story, might as well be a cardboard cutout -- she is
young and petite and borrows clothes from her roommate, and is only in
the story for the final few paragraphs, say maybe five minutes of story-
time. That leads me to another problem with this story - the plot, or
lack thereof. If this young lady is intended to a player in the sexual
awakening of Jennifer, as implied by the title, then it seems to have
cut off a bit too early. If the young lady has no role other than the
lines she is given, then she is extraneous and the story should have
ended several paragraphs sooner.
As a reader, I hope that Sabina will rewrite to clarify her narrative
and to fix the grammatical errors. I also hope that she will expand this
story a bit to tell us more about Jennifer and the young girl that she
meets. Sabina's writing style and imagery show promise, and I don't want
to mislead anyone into thinking that this is a bad story - if it were
really crap I'd say so, and I'd give it much lower ratings than 6 and 7
on the first two categories. If this sounds like the type of story you
would like, then I urge you to read it, and to write to Sabina with the
feedback that she requests. Maybe she'll decide to do that rewrite and
extend this story into something really good.
The final rating, appeal to reviewer, is the most subjective and was a
real problem for me with this story. The story just didn't do anything
for me, and I had to decide whether that was due to my lack of interest
in the subject matter in general, or just my reaction to this particular
story. Although I don't seek out FF as a category to read, I realized
upon reflection that I have read and enjoyed several FF stories or FF
scenes in stories that I was reading not as part of that category, but
just because of who had written them. This story just wasn't as
appealing, and I wish I could say why. I finally decided to give it a 6
on this rating.
Ratings for "Awakening Jennifer"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 7
Wease1 (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Dirty Amber" by Mary Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com). Guest review
by Wherryman.
I don't subscribe to a.s.s.d - I wish I could as I miss the chance to
discuss the stories but the spam there is overwhelming. Hence I missed
some less than flattering remarks about my review for 'New Orleans'
until I was looking for something in Dejanews.
I take it some people didn't agree with me. No problem - re-reading it
*I* don't entirely agree with me but if we didn't open our mouths
occasionally we'd have nowhere to put our feet.
As a reviewer I don't pretend I'm doing anything other than presenting
what was my opinion at the time I read the story. I imagine that people
will find that they either agree with me sometimes, and may then read or
miss stories accordingly, or mainly disagree - in which they will take
what I write with a healthy dose of skepticism.
In the case of New Orleans I must have been in a particularly pedantic
mood when I read it and if I was marking it now it would score higher.
My main concern is not the flaming - I may sulk for a bit but I've got a
thick skin - but that I may have unintentionally discouraged an author.
It's no good Celeste promoting the Blow Job Principle if a less than
careful review undoes the good work. Lesson learnt - pause before
posting.
No such problems with Dirty Amber - one of several Indian stories that
have been posted recently by different authors. I had already read some
of them and they are certainly hot, well written stories. However they
all left me feeling slightly unsatisfied, being more in the way of
descriptive episodes than proper stories.
Dirty Amber seems to start the same way, with a very erotic description
of an encounter between Sayali and a gigolo; other men are watching
including her husband, Suresh. But because Dirty Amber is much longer -
posted in 4 parts - it can take the time to tell more of a story. We
learn how Sayali and Suresh married and how their relationship changes,
and Suresh's business prospers, when Sayali not only reveals the details
of her earlier life but incorporates it into their life together.
All the Indian stories are worth reading but I think they would benefit
from more variety in the format - Dirty Amber does this and is better
for it.
Rating for "Dirty Amber"
Technical merit 9
Plot & character 9
Appeal to reviewer 9
* "Auditor" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). This is the second story
I have read from the Alphabet series by this author. I plan to review
them all - one each issue, which should mean 13 weeks for the whole
alphabet; but the author is only down to H.
The story is wonderfully creative. You may think an auditor is a
hapless drudge who checks accounts for a business. Or maybe a person
who sits in on a college course without receiving academic credit for
it. Actually, this guy is an auditor as opposed to a voyeur. He
listens to the Sarah and Lianne, the "S&M dykes" in the adjacent
apartment. He does with his ears what voyeurs do with their eyes, and he
lets his imagination fill in the blanks. During lapses in the action,
he even takes time out to coach the primary interested party: "Hang in
there, kid," he says, looking down. "Normal service will be resumed as
soon as possible."
As the bloke says, you don't have to be Sherlock Holmes, do you? Just
read between the lines. This was an excellent story; but you have to
read between the lines.
Ratings for "Auditor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Bean City" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). The narrator of this
story is a gent who is thirty-five friggin' years old and who spots a
classy lady with a mane of hair as black as scandal and skin so clear
and white you could show a movie on it in a bar in Boston. They hit it
off, and she takes him to her plush hotel room. It turns out she's into
humiliation or dominance or some such thing. He'd rather they just have
a bit of fun while fucking their mutual brains out. You can read the
story to discover how they work things out.
Ratings for "Bean City"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Catalyst" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). All the other stories in
this issue were written by "regulars" - people whose stories I have
reviewed before. In many cases the authors were kind enough to send the
stories to me for my convenience. And a fine bunch of stories they are!
I remember seeing this one in the postings; but I decided to skip it,
because I already had too many stories to read. Then a reader clipped
it and sent it to me with his recommendation. I want to thank that
reader. This is an excellent story by an author I have never read
before.
In chemistry class we learned that a catalyst is a substance, usually
used in small amounts relative to the reactants, that modifies and
increases the rate of a reaction without itself being consumed in the
process. Through metaphor, the term also refers to a person who
precipitates a process or event, especially without being involved in or
changed by the consequences. That's the role of this story's narrator,
who observes a freshman girl at a party lusting after the hunk across
the room. The narrator has two problems: (1) to bring the two together
so that they can fulfill their mutual urges and (2) to do so in such a
way as to be able to watch their hot interaction. I'd tell you more,
but it will be more fun for you to find out the rest for yourself.
The author is posting these as part of an "Alphabet Series." I plan to
look for more stories in this series.
* "Dutch Treat" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). Let's see. "Dutch
Treat" could be about a date with a woman who pays for the condoms. But
since the story takes place in Amsterdam, it is probably about a sexual
treat the guy receives from a Dutch woman. I was close. It's about a
sexual treat the guy DOESN'T receive from a Dutch woman. It takes real
skill to make something like that seem sexy!
Ratings for "Dutch Treat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Escalator" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk)."You're fuckin' pathetic,
mate, arntcha?" she yelled. I can see how I appeared that way, but I'm
not though. I'm really not.
What would provoke such an outburst? Actually, not much - just two
people passing on the up versus down escalators, one a man dressed for a
day's work in the business world who ogles and lusts for the woman
approaching him on the other escalator, and the other a young lady
dressed in the punk style who decides at the last second to flash the
man as they pass. The rest is in the details.
Ratings for "Escalator"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "French Tickler" by Mark Bastable (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). The
narrator has been cycling in the Loire valley and decides to wander into
Pinochelle to enjoy the evening air and maybe to see what quaint,
provincial nightlife this somnolent region has to offer. Well, he over-
imbibes at the "club" and finds himself dreading the walk back to his
lodgings, but then a busload of young French women pulls to a stop next
to him. Does he want a lift? It is a long way to walk in the dark,
n'est-ce pas? He accepts the ride and finds himself packed in tightly in
the back of a crowded bus between two people to whom we shall refer
euphemistically as Fille Gauche and Fille Droite. I guess this might
sound boring - a guy snuggled up between two young French girls whom he
can't even see because of the darkness, surrounded by raucous
conversation, hands and mouths reciprocally engaging in very private but
friendly activities, mind-blowing orgasms; but I certainly enjoyed it.
Those Filles really know how to throw an impromptu bacchanal when they
put their minds to it!
Ooops! The bus has stopped to let him off. Why is everyone so quiet
and looking at the back of the bus? And how long have they been
watching? Oh well, c'est la vie! The other passengers (Filles Autres)
all burst into a spontaneous and sincere round of applause, laughter,
and high-fives.
Besides having a great idea, this author uses the language very, very
well. But where was the tickling?
Ratings for "French Tickler"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Glissando" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). The guy has failed in
his attempts to get lucky in the Netherlands the night before; but now
that he has sobered up, it looks like things might take a definite shift
toward the better. At first I thought I was going to read my first
story of Strip Yahtzee - a game to which the Dutch are apparently
addicted, at least in its non-striptease format; but that lead didn't
pan out.
Then the guy does get lucky. Real Lucky. The target of his emotions can
barely keep her hands off him while they go up the steep stairs to his
apartment and he bites her on the ass. When they enter the room and the
clothes stop flying, there she is: her feet a good meter apart, braced
against the onslaught she momentarily expects; her legs, slim and white,
straight and locked, angled towards each other so that the eye is led up
along the smooth curving thighs to their apex; and there is her cunt,
spread and opened, pink and gleaming, moistening the trim crinkles of
its surrounding light brown hair; above that, the asshole, nestled
between the impossibly perfect geometries of her buttocks, which are
thrust out by the arch of her spine. Her hands are resting on the back
of the sofa, and she is looking over her shoulder in the direction of
his throbbing erection.
Then things get really interesting; but you had better check this one
out for yourself.
Ratings for "Glissando"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Hotel" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). Tragically, this is the
last of the Alphabet Stories currently available from this author. He
says he's open to suggestion for new titles. I recommend "Isometrics"
and "Jugular" for his next two titles.
In "Hotel" the Narrator is an Englishman working in a university town in
the Black Forest region of Southern Germany. He strikes up a friendship
with the workers at the hotel and develops a particular fondness for the
lady who manages the establishment and for one of the beautiful young
maids. The manager, it turns out, is seriously interested in bdsm; and
since she is naughty, she must be dealt with. The maid simply craves
his body. Things could easily get out of hand! And they do.
Ratings for "Hotel"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Interpreter" by Mark Bastable (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). The man is
sitting at a boring meeting of the European Commission, listening to a
boring interpreter translate a boring speech to him. Then there's a
pause in the action, and the voice of the boring interpreter is replaced
by the sexy voice of a mysterious woman who starts working sexual
innuendoes into the translation. The man realizes that he's the only
person getting the English feed, and so some hot one-on-one action seems
to be in order. This is really creative stuff!
Ratings for "Interpreter"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "July 4" by Mark Bastable (markb@aboy.demon.co.uk). The British are
civilized people. If you ever visit a Civil War battlefield in the
United States, you have to be careful how you use the words "enemy,"
"loser," and "bad guys." You see, the South lost the Civil War, but
they're still pissed about it; and almost all the battlefields are in
the South. The British, on the other hand, lost the Revolutionary War;
and what do they do? They have fireworks on the 4th of July.
When I was in the eighth grade, a hormonally imbalanced boy who was
considered sexy, sat down next to me at lunch and asked me, "Do they
have a 4th of July in England?" Sexy boys did not usually talk to me,
and so I was taken aback. I tried to think quickly, but all I could
manage was the notion that since the British had LOST the war that the
4th of July seemed to have started, then they'd have to be damned fools
to celebrate it; and I told him so. "Well what do they do, then?" he
answered. "Go straight from the 3rd to the 5th?" He laughed
uproariously. Still thinking that this joke had to have something to do
with sex, I was thoroughly confused.
This review may seem disjointed, but that's because so is this story.
All that matters is light and sound. The rest is just details. That's
the conclusion the narrator drew when he acted as a beard for his
lesbian friend at a 4th of July party at the American Embassy in
Grosvenor Square and an unknown assailant from behind pulled his dick
out of his pants while he fondled her clit and the fireworks exploded
overhead.
The important thing to remember is when a Brit says he's pissed, it
means he's drunk. When an American is pissed, he's mad. Thus, the
saying, "'Tis better to be pissed off than pissed on" is more likely to
be meaningful to an American than to our friends across the Pond.
Ratings for "July 4"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10