Celestial Reviews 229 - October 29, 1997
Note: Here are the Top 10 Reasons Trick-or-Treating is Better than Sex
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. Person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you wear a Bill Clinton mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
AND....
1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door!!!
Second note: In the spirit of the season, I am reposting some reviews
of stories that combine sex with Halloween-like themes. I interpreted
this topic loosely - including stories with ghosts, vampires, and
costume balls as well as specifically Halloween stories. Many of these
are old reviews {marked by an asterisk *}, and I have not revised the
originals. Watch out for your local incubus or succubus tonight!
Third note: A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked
Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told
her husband to go to the party and have a good time. Being the devoted
husband, he protested; but she argued and said she was going to take
some aspirin and go to bed. She insisted that there was no need for him
to miss the fun. So he took his costume and away he went.
After sleeping soundly for an hour, the wife awakened without pain; and
since it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Because her
husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have
some kicks watching him to see how he acted when she was not around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on
the dance floor. He was dancing with every nice looking woman he could
and was copping a feel here and taking a little kiss there. His wife
sidled up to him; and since she was a rather seductive woman herself, he
left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new "action".
She let him go as far as he wished. Finally he whispered a little
proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the
cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped out, went home, put the
costume away, and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he
would have for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when
he came in, and she asked him what he had done.
He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when
you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I never even danced one dance. When I got to the party, I
met Pete, Bill, and some other guys; so we went into the den and played
poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy that I loaned my costume
to sure had one hell of a time!"
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Trick and Treat: Halloween 1980" by Celeste (Halloween sex)
10, 10, 10
"Halloween Party" by WifePose (wife watching) 7, 8, 8
"Costumes" by Lord Malinov (Halloween orgy) 10, 10, 10
"Going Home" by Kim (romantic ghost story) 10, 10, 10
"Predator: A Tale for Halloween" by The Bear (scary sex story)
10, 10, 10
"Queer Halloween" by Vickie Tern (transgender revenge)
10, 8, 8
"Ghost" by Wgnmkr (ghostly masturbation) 9, 9, 9
Guest Reviews:
"The Body Swap" by Dawn (TG witchcraft) 10, 10, 5
"Private Tasting" by Artie (witchcraft) 9.5, 7, 7
"All Souls Night" by Marawuti (erotic gothic novella)
10, 10, 10
"The Fearless Vampire" by Poison Ivy (vampire sex)
10, 10, 10
Reposted Reviews:
* "Love You Forever" by Rahul L Iyer (Halloween romance)
7, 6, 6
* "Masks - A Horror Story" by Tom Bombadil (Halloween)
10, 10, 10
* "Meeting Amanda" by Backrub (sex with a vampire) 10, 10, 10
* "Intimate with the Vampire 2.0" by Rocket88 (vampire
sex) 10, 10, 10
* "The Warlock" by Rocket88 (witchcraft & whippings)
6, 9, 9
* "Diana" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mysterious outdoor sex)
10, 10, 10
* "Wet Dreams" by Backrub (mind control & dreams)
10, 10, 10
* "Tales of the Seeding" by Wollstonecraft (Primitive sex
rituals) 10, 10, 10
* "Porno TV: The Munsters" by Shelby Bush
(sitcom parody) 10, 9.5, 9.5
* "Bed and Breakfast" by RC (ghostly sex) 9.5, 9.5, 9
* "Night of the Wolves" by Lysander (bestiality) 10, 9.5, 10
* "Princess" by Parker (TG Halloween Party) 10, 9.5, 9
* "The Addams Family: Eddie Comes to Visit" by Shelby Bush
(sitcom parody) 10, 9.5, 9.5
* "Halloween" by RC (vampire sex) 10, 9, 9
* "Boo!" by PleaseCain (mutilation station!) 10, 10, 10
* "Brown Mountain Incident" by Charles Baudot (mysterious
Mm encounter) 10, 9, 9
* "Temptation" by PleaseCain (poetic meditation) 10, 10, 10
* "True Love" by Dafney Dewitt (murder on Halloween)
10, 9, 9
* "Haunting Memories" by Gaetana (haunted house) 9.5, 8, 6
* "Goodnight Kiss" by Ben Zonah (vampire sex) 8, 8, 8
* "Ghost: The Long Goodbye" by Unknown Author
(ghostly sex) 4, 3, 3
"Trick and Treat: Halloween 1980" by Celeste (Reposted by Bookman
Archives). This story is by the OTHER Celeste, not by the prominent sex
goddess who writes reviews on a.s.s.
Here we have a story about three college women living together. One has
been down in the dumps because of a recent break-up; and then right
before the Halloween party, the sexier chick becomes suspicious about
the fidelity of her boyfriend. So the first woman is going to dress
like the Invisible Woman and try to seduce the boyfriend of the second
woman - one of those soap opera moves that so often work out well.
Anyway, the guy takes her to the attic and fucks her brains out, but the
other woman fails to show up; but who cares?
Some of the scenes from the seduction are unusual and interesting. For
example, how would you react if a woman you were flirting with filled
her celery stick with dip, ripped a whole in her costume, and inserted
the snack into her pussy? Anyway, a good time is had by all.
Ratings for "Trick and Treat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Halloween Party" by WifePose (wifepose@aol.com). The husband has been
begging his wife to wear in public her cute little French maid uniform.
His cock practically jumps out of his pants when she agrees to wear the
costume to the Halloween party and to let nature take its course with
the other merrymakers. Things go pretty much as planned, and she makes
it with Robin Hood and his roommate while her husband watches. They
never see these two men again - but maybe next year at the party they'll
get equally lucky.
Ratings for "Halloween Party"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Costumes" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). The author does an
excellent job making the lewd and lovely, lithe and lascivious Diana
seem eminently fuckable long before the real action commences. Rarely a
day goes by when Diana doesn't surprise the narrator, and today she has
decided to brighten their daily ambiance with a simple but tasty - er,
tasteful - orgy. However, the main action occurs in her retelling of
her first multiple-partner debauchery, while the narrator stimulates her
to orgasm. In fact, if you are currently taking a course where you are
required to report on a story that runs parallel to the Canterbury
Tales, this one might be a good selection.
The tail within a tale takes place at a Halloween party during which
inhibitions have disappeared and people are using sexually explicit
tactile clues to guess the identities of the still-masked people. As
usual at such fictional parties, a good time is had by all. The
titillation of sex with known-but-unknown sexual partners is extremely
well done. The author has orchestrated an orgy in a manner that would
make Mark Aster and the Allen Sisters proud to participate.
Ratings for "Costumes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Going Home" by Kim (kim@nym.alias.net). This romantic, sentimental
story may not score high on the peter meter; but it's a very well
written, touching story that takes a serious look at what life after
death may be like for the dead person and the loved one who is left
behind. There's really not that much to say about it. You should read
it not when you're looking for an orgasm, but when you're in the mood
for a serious thought or two.
Ratings for "Going Home"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Predator: A Tale for Halloween" by The Bear (thebear@io.com). Gary is
seated at a bar on Halloween, looking around at all of the people in
costume. He himself is wearing a rubber mask of Quasimodo, but not the
kind and gentle Quasimodo of the insipidly revisionist Disney film. This
mask shows a tortured, scarred, angry face -- the face of Quasimodo as
he must have looked when he murdered his master, and when he went into
the charnel chamber to die with the dead Esmerelda in his arms. Gary
likes the mask, because it makes him look on the outside the way he
often feels on the inside.
Gary is a dysfunctional person. But he is safe, because in his back
pants pocket he has a very large knife.
Finally, Gary sees The Girl for tonight. Her smile reminds him of his
sister, a real slut whore who had always smiled like that before that
one night.
How do we get from here to a small, brown cat going unnoticed out
through the dance club to the street? Well, it's Halloween! You'll
have to read the story to find out.
Ratings for "Predator"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Queer Halloween" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). Jerry is a
fucking, two-timing son of a bitch. Or at least he WAS. However, Jerry
has a wife who doesn't just get mad; she gets even. And in a Vickie
Tern story that means Emasculation Station!
The revenge unfolds at the company's Halloween party, to which she
forces him to go as a gay man, while she goes as a shameless slut. This
author is a genius at transgender complications and clever ways to
humiliate and subdue wandering husbands; but this story didn't catch my
fancy as much as some of the author's other stories. On the other hand,
it's still a very creative Halloween story.
Ratings for "Queer Halloween"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Ghost" by Wgnmkr (Wgnmkr@aol.com). A guy goes into a haunted hotel
room; and while he naps, a ghost with a raging hard-on possesses his
body and gives him erotic dreams. When he wakes up, he jerks off. It's
a simple but interesting story.
Ratings for "Ghost"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Body Swap" by Dawn (dawn_tg@hotmail.com). Guest review by BillyG.
{Note from Celeste: This was sent to me as a text file. The title on
the story in this text file was "The Body Swap," with no author listed.
After BillyG wrote this review, I tracked the story down in DejaNews,
where it was listed as "The Switch: A Bewitching Tale of Gender Reversal
by Dawn <dawn_tg@hotmail.com>. PLEASE put your name and the title of
the story with your manuscript - preferably on the top two lines.
Otherwise, people will simply be unable to find your stories.}
It has happened to me several times that I've wanted to experience what
it was like to be a woman. These have always been in those tender
moments of sexual ecstasy and transportation when ego lines were
blurred, when I lost definition of where I ended and my lover began. In
those moments, I've wondered what it would be like to experience such
sexual bliss as a woman. When Celeste gave this story to me for review,
I thought it might approach such light-hearted and sensuous
considerations. I'm sorry to say, that was not the case.
At the outset, let me say that this story is well written with a strong
plot. A plot, I might add, that grows increasingly dark and for me, a
little disturbing. It is not a sexy story - in fact, there's almost no
sex in it at all. In brief, it's about a strong-willed woman, Erica who
is, as it turns out, a witch and her less-than-strong husband, Steve.
The witch proposes a body swap, just for the experience.
The resultant new Erica, the former Steve, turns out to be an ultra
feminine who delights in her new status and more, becomes totally
submissive and dependent on the new, super-male Steve. The story takes
on a darker side that for me, was not attractive. Those males who would
rather be female might not understand that those of us who are content
in our maleness might find the obvious direction of this story
unsettling.
At the conclusion of the story, it had become evident that it was a
modified transgender story with elements of non-loving domination. For
all of that, it's compelling and moving.
Ratings for "The Body Swap"
Technical Quality: 10
Plot & Character: 10
Appeal to reader: 5 (Marks off for the uncaring and manipulative
tone of the story.)
"Private Tasting" by Artie (artie@netgate.net). Guest review by Mike
Hunt.
Psst. Wanna read a story about wine tasting? It could be educational,
depending on your level of knowledge about wines and, uh, witches. Yes,
there's a bona fide witch here in the story, who drugs and seduces and
turns the taster into the tastee. But the story goes from Point A to
Point B, with none of the interesting side trips that either the wine
tasting or supernatural themes could present. Too bad.
OK, so I'll cut the writer a little slack, because Halloween approaches,
and drugs and witches are encouraged this month, at least in my church.
But really, in the other 11 months, who would care about a pedestrian
story that glosses over the magic that could be witchcraft while
plodding through a sequence of "I obey" "You obey?" "I will obey"
(repeat 3 times) that makes the Nutritional Content Chart on the back of
my Rice-A-Roni box look positively interesting by comparison.
I'm being too harsh. It's a decent story, but falls into all the obvious
traps: the physical description of the female comes in the opening set-
up. There's no cloak and little dagger in the story. Convenient
appliances just happen to be available (the witch even has a handy
blood-testing unit to scan for herpes! - not to mention an electric
wine-chiller in the cottage in the hillside.) Just saying someone's a
witch doesn't make them a witch; it's up to the writer to paint it all
in. The writer, artie, didn't.
Uh, what was that twinge in my shoulder?
Ratings for "Private Tasting"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 7
Mikeus (appeal to reviewer): 7
"All Souls Night" by Marawuti [novella] (Reposted by Bookman Archives).
Guest review by Green Onions. {Note from Celeste: Wulf is a recurring
character in this author's magic and sorcery stories. I gave "Night in
Vosgraad" high ratings in CR 89.}
"My name is Wulf . . . and I am what might generously be
called a creative freelance contractor. What this means in
real terms is that I lie, cheat, and steal (usually from
people who deserve it, mind you -- I have some integrity) to
make a living."
Sounds like the beginning of a classic Bogart movie, or a Chandler
piece, right? Our Hero's not exactly what you'd call a 'gentleman'--
he's been through his ups and downs and just doesn't fit too neatly into
the mainstream of middle-class Litharnaian life with its grimy inns,
busty barmaids, rusticated yokels, ancient traditions, overweening
central governments and just about every imaginable Weird Creature this
side of H.P. Lovecraft.
Have you ever wondered what would happen if Robin Hood had been
crossbred with a curious mixture of Bogart, Marlowe, and James Bond and
the resulting swashbuckler's DNA got accidentally spliced in with that
of the sheriff in Mel Brooks' 'Blazing Saddles' (don't forget to add the
obligatory Eye of Leslie Nielsen and a tiny pinch of Alfred E. Neumann's
giggle)--just before our _potpourri_ protagonist falls into a time
tunnel transporter and gets unexpectedly beamed back into the world of
_Dracula_ because the transporter's operator was too busy masturbating
and reading a.s.s. on her laptop to pay any attention to the controls?
I bet you have. And if so, then this witches' brew of harmless erotic
literary fun is for you ("_Bon Appetit_!").
Um . . . did I say "harmless?" Well that doesn't mean that our friend
doesn't occasionally end up tied to the bedpost overhearing one tall,
busty, blond vampiress (think Brunhilde masquerading as Dolly Parton--or
is it vice-versa?) explain in a suitably sultry voice to her companion:
"Human blood is an exquisite intoxicant, and blood taken when a
human is at the height of ecstasy is the finest you can
consume. The master spared this one so that you could have
him, and see how passion can make the blood hot and
delectable."
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The story begins on its namesake of 'All Souls Night' in Litharnia,
whilst our hero is out not-so-innocently plying his questionable trades
when he meets Khaera, a young (but not _too_ young) barmaid "with a
graceful, wavy cascade of ravenswing hair, and dark, wicked eyes that
latched onto mine as tightly as a dwarf's fist around his last gold
coin."
Therein begins a chain of bizarre, violent, sexy, scary and satirical
circumstances which eventually (in the tradition of J.R.R. Tolkien and
Monty Python) take Our Hero on a Great Quest.
Like James Bond, he's accompanied by a female sidekick (Livia) whose
life he's saved in the natural course of being a superhero. It's hard
not to notice that Livia bears a remarkable physical resemblance to the
young Mia Farrow ('Rosemary's Baby').
<RRRRRRRRR---IIIIIII-----PPPPPPP>
(That's the sound of a record being scratched as the phonograph is
suddenly stomped on by a lurking raven.)
Actually this is the nineties and we don't have record players any
more, so those descriptions were way off base. In this gender-swapping
modern equivalent, it's _her_ quest, she rescues _him_, and he's *her*
sidekick. ("'Ye Gods. Save a man's life and he thinks he's your
frigging husband!'")
To learn more about their travels, travails and triumphs, you'll have
to read this story for yourself--but if you don't mind violence and
enjoy any of the genres involved (humor, gothic, satire, horror,
fantasy, adventure, or just plain erotica), you'll like this extremely
funny, ironic, dynamic, vivacious and well-written sexy novella.
I usually like to annoy authors by ending my reviews with a few
officious remarks regarding possible improvements to the work, but in
this case I fear that I am almost certainly dealing with someone whose
magical literary powers might turn me into a silent pillar of quivering
bloodspattered salt were I to even conceptualize a mere monosyllable of
such blasphemous blarney.
So I ain't gonna misbehave: instead I'll save my sin and head for the
Chronicles of Litharnia--a place wherein I'd advise Ye, O Hallowed
Reader, to tread most carefully in deed.
Ratings for "All Soul's Night"
Venus (plot & character): 10
Athena (technical quality): 10
Green Onions (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Fearless Vampire" by Poison Ivy. Guest review by Mike Hunt.
I've seen enough of them, and I've hated almost every one. Stories told
in present tense, I mean. "I feel your hands on my body. You move to
kiss me. Our lips touch." That sort of melodramatic nonsense. There's
something that just doesn't ring true about 'present tense' stories, but
authors who write that way say "I just type at the keyboard and describe
what's going through my head, so it's in present tense."
I remember someone (Celeste?) saying the trouble is that the reader
isn't sitting in the author's imagination in the present tense, so while
it may be interesting for the writer it rarely works for the reader. I
don't often get past the first couple paragraphs of these stories,
frankly. In fact, I HATE them. So why did I love this story?
Poison Ivy lets me inside her head. Really inside, believably inside,
and I begin to feel what she feels as she suffers life's daily
mundanities. I'm reminded of Taria's "Walls Have Ears" where the kid is
going "Fuck fuck fuck fuck, I have to take out the garbage" except in
this story it"s fear in the elevator, loathing the fat coworker, waiting
for the 5:00 whistle, or any number of other everyday moments brought to
life. Here, somehow, present tense works, and it's a refreshing change.
The title sets up an expectation which doesn't pay off until the last
10% of the story, however, and I couldn't help being distracted
wondering when the supernatural, or the horror, or whatever would
finally appear. When it did it was somewhat of a letdown, especially
considering how much I enjoyed the first part of the story.
That said, it's a dandy, and if you're in a semi-Halloweenish mood, try
this one on. To give you a summary would be fruitless; the title doesn't
quite guide you either. "The Fearless Vampire" is mostly story, a little
sex, not too much vampire, and sort of fun for a cold dark night in
October.
Ratings for "The Fearless Vampire"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Mikeus (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Love You Forever" by Rahul L Iyer (Rahul.L.Iyer@rose-hulman.edu).
The guy's fiancee dies in a car crash two days before Halloween, but she
returns from the dead on that Great Feast to make love to him. This
story needs a lot of development.
Ratings for "Love You Forever"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
* "Masks - A Horror Story" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This
story arrived the day after I posted my Halloween Special Issue of
Celestial Reviews; but better late than never! The story begins with a
John contemplating his imminent demise - that is, he is waiting to be
killed as part of some kind of ritual that evening, after being held in
chains for a year since last Halloween. We don't initially know the
complete rationale, but it sure sounds spooky - and morbid. In stark
contrast, this first plot alternates with another in which Wally and
Jennifer are participating in a festive soiree being conducted by some
student athletes on the eve of All Saints Day - that is, some football
players are having a Halloween beer bash. A vampire countess and a
beautiful witch crash the Halloween party. Needless to say, these two
are the real McCoy. The connection between the two plots is that the
party crashers are recruiting for their next cycle of human sacrifices.
This story is certainly vivid and well written; but it's not for the
weak of heart - or stomach. Don't say I didn't warn you!
Ratings for "Masks"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Meeting Amanda" by Backrub. Here we have what my psychology
professor referred to as an approach-avoidance dilemma. (When the prof
told us about it, she talked about pigeons; but I'm pretty sure I still
have the idea right.) I had never read a Backrub story I _didn't_ like;
but I had never read a vampire story that I _did_ like. The tension
alone, of course, would have made a less sophisticated woman cum in her
panties; but I was wearing none. Therefore, I boldly went where I had
never gone before....
What I like most about Backrub is his/her use of language and imagery:
"From twenty feet away she looked like a living statue, weathered brown
but taut and strong. Her short black hair barely moved with her
movements." That's beautiful. The yet unknown woman was coming to life
for me, but remaining mysterious. The imagery remained vivid as the
story got hotter. To find out more, you'll have to read the story. I
still don't plan to look for vampire movies, but I do plan to read more
Backrub stories. And for some reason I just remembered it's about time
for me to give blood again.
Ratings for "Meeting Amanda"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Intimate with the Vampire 2.0" by Rocket88 (rick84@ mindspring.com).
A story like this has two strikes against it when I start reading it.
Strike one: I don't like senseless pain as a part of sexual relations.
Pain and violence are reasonable under the right circumstances; and I'll
even grant that there are occasions when it can be pleasurable to be
either the giver or receiver of pain. However, I think people who enjoy
being tortured by another person often have serious emotional problems.
And so I expect the author of a story that involves pain or violence to
show me that there is a point to this activity. Strike two: I don't
believe in vampires. I find "Dracula" so boring that I have never
watched the entire movie. I think the notion of vampires is generally
silly.
Under these circumstances you may be surprised to know that I really
liked this story. Strike two evaporated first: lots of things that are
generally silly can become interesting if I suspend my disbelief and if
the author does a good job of presenting the story. That's what science
fiction is all about. For that matter, that's what most of this
newsgroup is about. My other objection evaporated just as easily: sure,
there was pain and violence in this story; but it occurred in a
surrealistic context that seemed to have a point to it. If I granted
that there may be preternatural beings that have the power to seduce
people and steal their souls, then this kind of activity made perfect
sense.
If the author's goal was to give me nightmares or to make me live in
fear or anticipation that things like this might happen to me, then he
has failed (I hope!). However, if he wanted to entertain me with a
damned good story, then he has succeeded. Now, here's my favorite part:
this story was originally submitted about two months ago. Here's what I
said about it in CR 45:
"As I have said before, I am not an aficionado of vampires, werewolves,
witches, or other preternatural forces. Nevertheless, I think this
story has considerable potential - especially for people who understand
the ground rules of vampires better than I do. The problem with this
story is that it lacks even rudimentary proofreading. The author is
obviously intelligent, and so he/she attempts to use fairly
sophisticated ideas and sentence structures to convey his/her plot. But
the mistakes are so glaring as to convince me that the author simply
doesn't want to spend the time to make the story reader-friendly. I
mean, does the author really think that it makes sense to "lye" in a
motionless embrace? Lye is a chemical that cleans my plumbing. And
then near the middle of the story I read these lines: "The fire grew
more intense. MailFirst....Save As... She said. MailTheres pleasure.Save
As... And with out another word she opened her mouth and gently covered
mine." This garbled writing may be the result of a faulty mailer rather
than poor writing skills; but it certainly is annoying. In addition,
throughout the story the verbs are frequently screwed up. As I said
earlier, the author is obviously intelligent; and so he/she sometimes
starts using a past perfect tense or the subjunctive mood correctly, but
then all of a sudden we're in the present tense and indicative mood.
There are several instances of misplaced modifiers, like this one (which
also contains a comma splice): "It was if she never used these feet to
walk, scented and soft, I put her toes into my mouth using my tongue to
wet them." Literally, this sentence means that the guy sucking the toes
smelled nice and was soft; and I doubt that's what the author intended.
A few lines later we hear about "the beating of her hart." A hart is a
male deer. What does the author really mean here: "...my mind soured
as I clung tightly as the sweat that gummed my body to hers was causing
my arms to slide." I think the guy's mind "soared", but the sentence
clearly says that it turned sour! Here's one more that I kinda liked:
"My flesh was ripped and I needed to explode, I wanted orgasm, I started
to beg to her. Mailplease dont stopSave As..." Finally, I think a
succubus is a ghostly visitor that goes under the person being visited;
this critter sounds more like an incubus. {Note: I was wrong about this;
the author was right. I checked.}
"I don't derive sexual satisfaction from making fun of authors'
mistakes, and I don't mean to give the impression that I want to
humiliate this author. For me to say that a vampire story has potential
means that it _really_ has potential. I myself recently spelled "waist"
incorrectly in Celestial Reviews (although I was actually copying the
words of a different writer). Mistakes happen. But when mistakes
accumulate, readers get annoyed and wonder why the author hasn't gone to
the trouble of preparing the text properly. Creative ideas are the most
important part of a story, and I think this story may have creative
ideas. But there's no reason why creative ideas cannot be presented
more coherently than this.
"It's not just English teachers who get upset at this. English teachers
may be the only ones who know why they're upset; but readers in general
will find this presentation to be annoying. I urge this author and
others like him/her to take advantage of my offer to find free volunteer
proofreaders. This could possibly have been an excellent story if the
author would have given it the care it deserves. (Rating: 4)"
As you will notice from the title, this author accepted my invitation to
receive proofreading assistance; and that's why this is labeled version
2.0. There are two major differences between the present and the
previous version of this story. First, the grammar and style no longer
stand in the way; the reader can now react to the ideas of the author
and can feel the emotions that the author wanted the reader to feel.
Second, I don't know this for certain, but I imagine the proofreader
challenged the author by asking him to clarify some of the ideas that
originally seemed unclear.
It is important to point out that these improvements are not just
something that please English teachers. Ordinary readers - no, I'll go
further - even borderline imbeciles who themselves communicate only by
grunting and yanking on their penises would have been mainly confused by
the original version but will enjoy this story in its present format.
If this sounds like an advertisement for my proofreading service, so be
it!
Ratings for "Intimate with the Vampire"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Warlock" by Rocket88 (Rick84@mindspring.com). An immediate
problem that I had with this story was that the text was full of
enigmatic characters that were symbolized by squares on my screen.
These were very distracting. I used the global replacement function on
my word processor, and I quickly and automatically changed them all to
open quotes, end quotes, and apostrophes. I encourage you to do
something similar to minimize distractions when you read this story.
This story involves witchcraft and the "black arts." I view witchcraft
as it is treated in this story to be a form of fairy tale. Because I
have not been excited about fairy tales since my early childhood, I have
lost touch with many of the assumptions that underlie witchcraft
stories. My most current knowledge of witchcraft is derived from
Elizabeth Montgomery, to whom I am deeply indebted for indirect sexual
pleasure, because that enchanted creature has often improved my
husband's mood while he has watched reruns of "Bewitched." I have some
sincere friends who say they are witches and practice a pagan religion,
and they object to stories that focus on magical black arts. I guess
that's more than you need to hear; my point is that I am reviewing this
story as an outsider - a non-enthusiast who is generally unimpressed
with spells and arcane ceremonies. I am reviewing this story primarily
because the author emphatically asked me to do so.
Because of the reservations stated in the previous paragraph, I
approached this story with considerable trepidation. I was pretty sure
I either would not understand it or I would hate it. The story focuses
on Gina, an attractive woman, and Louis, a visiting professor at the
University of Chicago with a specialization in antiquities. Louis is
really a warlock (a male witch). Gina is especially fascinated by his
whips. I found the description of how Gina got interested in spankings
during her childhood to be interesting and realistic. Louis needs to
administer a ritualistic beating to a consenting female human in order
to achieve some sort of rapture and return to a different world. He
attaches the willing Gina to an unusual torture device and administers
the beatings, which she enjoys immensely. Rapture comes, and poof! he
is gone and she is transported back to her home in Rockford, Illinois.
Actually, I was fascinated by the story. I achieved a zero level of
pre-orgasmic moisture, and I don't recommend that anyone actually
participate in such activities; but I was fascinated. I think bdsm
enthusiasts will enjoy this story, and it enabled me to achieve a better
understanding of sadism and masochism. As with many other stories,
however, I am still struck by the constant repetition of silly,
distracting grammar errors that could easily have been removed prior to
posting. Not a bad story. (Rating: 7)
* "Diana" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). The young
man, just a few years out of college and a bit disillusioned with the
way his life has gone, has gone off for a couple of days of hiking in
the Berkshire forest. Thinking he is alone, he is surprised to hear the
sound of a woman's voice; and when he follows that sound he comes to a
clearing in which there are seven blonde women and one red-head - all
beautiful and all naked. What has he stumbled onto? He realizes that
he won't be welcome, and he starts to retreat; but suddenly he is
summoned to join them. Does this sound interesting? Then read this
well-written story. If you're familiar with Robert Frost's poetry,
you'll probably get a little more out of it than you would otherwise.
And it won't hurt to recall that Diana was the Roman goddess of the hunt
and of the moon and the protectress or women.
I love this author! I'm tempted to make my students read this story for
English class, but then I'd have to explain where I got it. Actually,
it will be easier simply to forbid them to read it; they'll enjoy it
more that way.
Ratings for "Diana"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Wet Dreams" by Backrub (BCKRUB@aol.com). The protagonist in this
story has the power to sense out women's dreams and their thoughts that
occur when their senses are not fully awake. He is able to have wakeful
sex with them and yet leave them with the feeling that it was all a
dream. (The author doesn't explain how the protagonist prevents
conception; but that may be expecting too much from an a.s.s. story.)
The story describes in vivid detail one specific encounter. Would this
kind of power be a blessing or a curse? You read the story and decide.
The author does a great job of combining a sense of the mysterious and
the realistic throughout the story. It's almost like a dream itself.
Oh, no! Maybe I'm dreaming right now. Maybe HE's controlling this
dream! You don't think that warm feeling I'm getting in my pussy....
(Rating: 10)
* "Tales of the Seeding" by Wollstonecraft. This is a set of narratives
from the different perspectives of people who are extremely
unsophisticated in their sexual knowledge. We could be dealing with
cave dwellers, with people on a remote island not yet conquered by
"civilized people," or with aliens whose sexual accouterments resemble
those of humans. What is fascinating is that the descriptions all refer
to sex (sometimes in very graphic terms) without ever using either the
formal (intercourse, vagina, etc.) or informal (fuck, cunt, etc.)
terminology that we normally encounter in such stories. The author does
an amazing job - I caught only one mistake, where the author used the
word "come" to describe an orgasm. In addition to playing with words,
the author does an excellent job of building anticipation and creating a
mood of mystery. I loved it. This is a really creative, ingenious
story. (Rating: 10)
* "Porno TV: The Munsters" by Shelby Bush (stbush@iglou.com). The
author simulates an episode from the old Munsters TV series. There are
three separate plots, which blend together, just like on TV: (1) Herman
and Lilly get it on with the electrodes connected to the generator in
the headboard, (2) Grandpa turns into a bat and gets some pussy, and (3)
Marilyn loses and regains (!) her virginity. I have reviewed about a
thousand stories, and this is the first one in which a woman REGAINS her
virginity.
Ratings for "The Munsters"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
* "Bed and Breakfast" by RC (74734.271@compuserve.com). A man arrives
at a New England bed and breakfast inn; the owner assigns him to a back
room; and the owner's daughter becomes visibly upset over this
assignment. What's her problem? I always tell my students that when
the author catches their attention like this, they should try to guess
what might happen next. Then as new information emerges they should
adjust and modify their initial guess to suit the new context. I have
done this in the past with Deirdre's stories, and so I'll try again
here. So what's the problem?
One possibility is that the room is simply adjacent to the daughter's
own room. She might be a shy lass, and having a well-hung stud next
door might make her nervous. That hypothesis sounds dull.
Or the room might previously have been occupied by someone near and dear
to the girl - perhaps her first true love who subsequently died under
unfortunate circumstances. This hypothesis sounds good.
Or the room might be haunted. The second hypothesis sounds best so far.
I'm glad I mentioned that last possibility, because Abigail (the
daughter) grabs the visitor and warns him that when the place was first
built, the owner's daughter resided in that room. She had been arrested
and executed. Her ghost still haunts that room. Our foolhardy boarder
laughs gently and resolves to stay. It's time to revise my hypotheses.
It's almost certain that a ghost will appear. One possibility is that
the ghost will have her merry way with our wayfarer and send him happily
on his way. {Since the narrator lived to tell the story, he probably
won't die during sexual ecstasy.}
Another possibility is that Abigail will join in the festivities.
A third possibility is that Abigail IS the ghost. I like this theory;
but I'd have to see her naked to verify it. More likely, Abigail might
be intimately involved in some way with the ghost.
Soon we find out the ghost's crime: having sex with another woman.
Colonial New Englander's frowned on that practice, which was akin to
witchcraft.
Interestingly, at his point I had to pause: was the boarder a man or a
woman? I glanced back over the earlier text. Although I had assumed
this was a man, the text didn't tell. A few lines later I read that
bras and panties from the suitcase were strewn about the room. So we
have either an unusual man or a woman here. I'll go with the woman
theory. This forces a major shift in my thinking: we now have a
(presumably) middle-aged woman, an attractive young woman, and the ghost
of a young woman who had been executed by Puritans for lesbianism.
I'm going to stop telling the story now. As you know, ghosts operate
under different rules in different stories; and part of the fun of a
ghost story is finding out what those rules are in the current tale.
All I can tell you now is that this ghost is capable of engaging in
sexual activities that are extremely satisfying to human females.
Ratings for "Bed and Breakfast"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Night of the Wolves" by Lysander (lysander@vnet.net). "You'll be
fine, Judith. As long as you let your instincts guide you." The band
of women have been engaged in an orgy of dancing and sex with one
another; but all this is simply a preparation for the arrival of the
wolves. The monthly ritual consists of the women fucking with the
wolves from the time of the animals' arrival until the moon goes down.
I have never been an enthusiast of bestiality stories, but this one was
interesting - to say the least. Before I read this story I knew, of
course, that Romulus and Remus (and probably Wolfman Jack) had been
raised by wolves, and I had read "Call of the Wild," but my knowledge of
wolves as potential sexual partners was limited. Now I am much better
informed.
The story is well written. The author says this is his most popular
story. However, I don't think it is his best; I think "Summer Dreams,"
"Grey," and the unfinished "Droit du Signeur" are all better.
Nevertheless, this is an excellent story. While reading it, I found
myself mumbling internally, "This is silly! Why would a wolf act like
that?" This is exactly what the author wanted me to think. By the end
of the story everything had fallen into place.
Ratings for "Night of the Wolves"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Princess" by Parker. This is listed as Parker25. It has been posted
recently, and so it should be available on Deja News. I hope someone
will repost it quickly on a.s.s.
Stephen is a computer geek who has been invited by Janice Sweet to be
her date at Cindy Parker's Halloween party. Janice is the most
beautiful girl in the school, and she has just broken up with the most
handsome jock. Stephen is tempted to back out when he finds out that
Janice wants him to dress like a girl while she dresses like a guy; but
Janice is very persuasive. She promises him lots of sex later on; and
she's not lying about that!
The costume goes on very nicely; Stephen has become Stephanie. Janice
hurries off to help Cindy prepare for the party, and Stephen arrives
alone at Cindy's house in time for the party. Only it's not a costume
party! He's the only one dressed in a costume; but nobody notices,
because he looks like a real girl in normal clothing. There's no way
out; so he continues to play the female role.
It turns out that Janice is simply using Stephen to get even with Biff
the football jock for dumping her. Use your imagination. How would a
pretty little bitch use a dork dressed up like a cute little girl to get
even with her brutish ex? That's right! And pretty soon he finds
himself doing the entire football team. At least he gets to be a
cheerleader.
Ratings for "Princess"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "The Addams Family: Eddie Comes to Visit" by Shelby Bush
(stbush@iglou.com). This story is actually a combination of "The
Munsters" and "The Addams Family." Eddie Munster comes to visit the
Addams children. After some enjoyable torture, Wednesday Addams gives
head to her brother Pugsley. Just as Eddie is about to get the thrill
of his life from Wednesday, the full moon takes effect; and Eddie runs
off to the bathroom, where he turns into a werewolf - actually, a
werewolf cub. Although she's a bit distressed at Eddie's disappearance,
Wednesday takes the cub to her room.
Since this is a sitcom episode, Morticia and Gomez are engaging in
raucous sex in the background; and Uncle Fester is jerking off somewhere
in the shadows. Gomez has a French fetish. Morticia speaks imperfect
French. "Manger moi. Respondez s'il vous plait" is close enough for
Gomez; after all, this is a sex fetish, not a French language lesson.
Meanwhile, Wednesday has taken Eddie the Werewolf to bed, thinking he's
a stray puppy. When she starts to masturbate, Eddie behaves in a
beastly manner.
Meanwhile, Cousin Itt joins Morticia and Gomez for a "menage e'tois." I
don't know if incest is a meaningful concept in a family like this.
What could be the logic behind an incest taboo in a family that could
only be improved by genetic mutations? Kay Sarah Sarah, as the French
say!
If you know absolutely nothing about the monster shows of the 1960's,
you might get lost in this story. But I enjoyed it immensely. And
there's more to come!
Ratings for " Addams Family"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
* "Halloween Story" by RC (74734.271@CompuServe.Com). Diane goes to a
Halloween party dressed as a sexy maid. She is the center of attention
until she meets the woman dressed like Elvira the vampire. She can't
help herself. She leaves with the vampire, and then strange things
happen to her.
Ratings for " Halloween Story"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Boo!" by PleaseCain (pleasecain@aol.com). Warning: This story
contain gratuitous sex and violence. But hey, what would Halloween be
without gratuitous sex and violence?
It's an interesting setup; I'm surprised I haven't seen it on this
newsgroup before. The young man is playing the part of a vampire and
the young woman a witch at one of those haunted houses that spring up
around Halloween to traumatize and thrill the little children of
America. Business is slow, and the boss closes early and tells the
vampire and witch to lock things up when they leave. One thing leads to
another, and pretty soon the sex gets steamy, and then she decides he
wants him to act like a real vampire. And that's only for starters!
Next comes the gratuitous sex and violence.
Ratings for "Boo!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Brown Mountain Incident" by Charles Baudot (wboyden@freenet.vcu.edu).
This story combines a placid man-boy sexual encounter with a ghost story
- actually with an old urban legend theme. The man is traveling through
the mountains and comes upon a 10-year-old hitchhiker who is cold, wet,
miserable, and lost. He takes the boy in. The sexual contact is so
innocuous that only a person who has an allergic reaction to any mention
of sex with an underage child would react with hostility. Nevertheless,
the guy probably is technically guilty of sexual abuse of a minor -
except that it's hard to prove a case against a guy who has sex with a
ghost.
I plan to look for more stories by this author.
Ratings for " Brown Mountain Incident
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Temptation" by PleaseCain (pleasecain@aol.com). Hmmm... What kind
of story is this? A lovely woman is sleeping beneath a tree. She is a
part of the beauty of nature, and a disembodied voice caresses her and
meditates on her loveliness. Nothing really happens. It's all
anticipation. This is a completely different kind of story - perhaps
more a poem than a story; but it's very nice.
Ratings for "Temptation"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "True Love" by Dafney Dewitt (ii361@cleveland.Freenet.Edu). This is
not really a sex story. It's really a story about true love gone wrong
on Halloween; but since it's written by a regular author of sex stories,
I thought I should include it in the Halloween issue of Celestial
Reviews.
The boy is being interrogated by the police about the murder of his
girlfriend. She died from a blow to the head from a shovel in a
cemetery, and her body was buried there. The boy claims to be innocent.
Read the story for details.
Ratings for "True Love"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Haunting Memories" by Gaetana (gaetana@aol.com). Two adolescent boys
and a girl sneak into a house that they consider to be haunted. They
find no ghosts, but they do discover that some transients have been
living there. They steal a few items and run home, where they are
severely punished by their parents. Nobody has sex with anybody else;
but some pornographic magazines are among the stolen items they steal,
and the girl gets a severe spanking from her father.
Since this story was cross-posted to alt.sex.spanking, I suppose the
spanking is supposed to be the erotic part of the story; but no own
reaction was that there was no sex at all in this story. I won't deny
that some spankings can be sensuous; but it doesn't make sense to me to
believe that it's a sexual experience every time a child gets a beating
from his or her parents. This child broke a rule; she experienced pain;
and she pretty much decided not to repeat the offense. If this were all
there is to sex, then it would be a lot easier to convince kids not to
do it until they grew up!
Ratings for " Haunting Memories"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
* "Goodnight Kiss" by Ben Zonah (benz@fan.net.au). Through some sort of
confusion, this story has not yet appeared on alt.sex.stories. I hope
the author tries again.
A young woman who has been lost in the forest is saved by a mysterious
young man. As a reward for his kindness, she makes love to him in his
rustic cabin. Since this is a special Halloween issue of Celestial
Reviews, you would be correct to assume that there is an element of
mystery to this story. However, since this story depends partly on
surprise, I cannot tell you what that element is. You'll have to read
it for yourself.
Ratings for "Goodnight Kiss"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Ghost: The Long Goodbye" by Unknown Author. The guy has died in an
auto accident; but as his spirit leaves the body, it decides to stop off
and say good-bye to Rachel, his one true love. Unfortunately, when the
ghost scoots into Rachel's window, she is making love to someone else.
So he goes into the other guy's body and has sex with Rachel, but he
finds this experience to be unsatisfactory; and so he goes back to the
hospital and enters the body of a woman who looks like Rachel and makes
love to an insipid intern. Then he goes into somebody else's body and
calls Rachel on the telephone and tells her to come on down to the
hospital, because he's dying. She comes, but he isn't dying after all,
and she remembers him making love to her in the other guy's body, but
then he dies. I think.
My impression is that there's a creative idea in here someplace, but
it's hardly worth the trouble to look for it. Authors should proofread
and polish their stories a little bit before they post them.
Ratings for "Ghost: The Long Goodbye"
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3