Celestial Reviews 218 - September 20, 1997
Note: There have been a lot of stories reposted this past week.
Some of you are elated to find so many stories; others are upset,
because this is "almost like spam" or because the reposters are
showing a lack of respect for the authors (e.g., by omitting the
author's name). Certainly a major problem is that it is very
difficult to determine what a story is about from the scant
information given in the title lines of the postings. For this
reason I am reposting as many of the reviews as I can.
Second Note: I coordinate a free proofreading service. If
authors want someone to proofread their stories before posting
them, the authors can contact me, and I'll try to match them up
with proofreaders. Right now, my list of proofreaders is very
old. The last two proofreaders I tried to contact don't even
"live" at those email addresses anymore.
If you are interested in proofreading stories for aspiring or
established authors, please contact me. Even if you have given me
your name in the past, please contact me again, if I have not sent
you a story in a long time. Almost everyone who has participated
in the volunteer proofreading project has enjoyed the experience.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Afrodite" by Unknown Author (hedonistic passion)
10, 10, 10
"Alice Who Went Through the Looking Glass and Came
Back Very Much Changed" by POC (fairy tale sex)
8, 10, 10
"One Day at a Time" by Uncle Mike (sitcom parody) 10, 9, 9
"Conversations" by Frank (pedophile incest) 10, 10, 3
"Gilligan's Island" by X Story Teller (sitcom parody) 9, 7,
5
Guest Reviews:
"Sweet little Anne" by Anne (exhibitionism) 7, 8, 9
"Sue and Baton Rouge" by Tony (wife watching) 9, 9, 10
"My Sister Jean" by BillyG (emerging adolescence) 9, 10, 10
"My Weekend with Lisa" by LM l (romance) 8, 7, 6
"Hot Pizza" by Solo Polyphony (gang bang)
"Under Their Thumbs" by Tooshoes (superhero sex)
10, 10, 9
"The Island" by MissLilyO (romance & bondage) 10, 8, 9
"Fun With June" by Bigtunaman (oral sex) 8, 7, 8
"One Birth, Two Breakups and a Crash" by Kim ( ff S&M
mind games) 10, 10, 9
"Bar None" by DATS HER&HIM (gang rape) 8.5, 5, 0
"The Birthday Present" by Unknown Author (kiddy sex)
8, 8, 5
Reposted Reviews:
* "Blush" by RC (hypnosis) 10, 9, 9
* "The Birthday Gift" by Wollstonecraft (adolescent seduction
of adult) 9.5, 9.5, 10
* "Bean City" by Mark Bastable (bdsm) 10, 10, 10
* "Bertram I" by I'm not sure (sexual humor) 10, 10, 10
* "Bertram II" by I'm not sure (sexual humor) 10, 10, 10
* "All We Like Sheep" by MC Woodsmoke (mind control)
10, 10, 10
* "The Anatomy Lesson" by Michael Dagley (emerging
adolescence) 10, 10, 10
* "Black Cat" by Mark Aster (sex on drugs) 10, 9, 9
* "Buckets of Cum" by Mark Aster (private orgy) 10, 10, 10
* "The Brady Bunch" by Uncle Mike (sitcom orgy) 10, 9, 9
* "Brenda - A Love Story" by Tom Bombadil (emerging
adolescence & romance) 10, 10, 10
* "Cinnamon" by Patrick Donovan (romance & hot sex)
10, 10, 10
* "Bartenders Have All the Fun" by The Grey Ghost (orgy)
6, 8, 7
* "Brown Nosing" by Phil Phantom (fun-loving incest and
child molestation) 9.5, 9.5, 10
* "The Chambermaid" by Delta (Sex on the rebound)
10, 10, 10
* "My Sister Jean - Ch 1" by BillyG (growing up)
9, 10, 10
* "My Sister Jean - Ch 8" by BillyG (flirting & innuendo)
9, 10, 9
* "Above & Beyond Call of Duty" by J. Boswell (stripper sex)
10, 8, 8
* "Curiosity" by Javahead (strip club & lap dancing) 10, 9, 9
* "Composition in Cream and Chocolate" by Mary Anne
Mohanraj (sexy striptease) 10, 10, 10
* "Chantal" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (rape) 10, 10, 10
"Afrodite" by Unknown Author (Reposted by who@why.not). After
reviewing over 2000 stories posted on this newsgroup, I suppose I
have become a bit cynical. One of my general guidelines is that
if the male narrator describes the female protagonist's
measurements with precise mathematical exactitude (in this case,
34D-22-34) the story is going to be superficial and shallow.
Nevertheless, since the author spelled "areolas" right, my
interest grew, as did his manhood.
The story is essentially unmitigated hedonism, as you might expect
from its title. Aphrodite is the Greek goddess of love and
passion, to whom the Romans later gave the less sexy name of
Venus. With a blanket, picnic basket, bottle of wine and two
glasses but no mosquitoes or sand flies, they merrily fuck each
other's brains out in the great outdoors on a beautiful romantic
night.
I'm always a little put off by unnecessary focus on physical
magnitude as an indicator of sexuality. In addition to Afrodite's
34D-22-34 measurements, we learn that the narrator has an immense
(13-inch) cock. That sort of detail is more a distraction than a
turn-on to me. My husband has a friend who responds to a parting
"Have a good one!" with "I already have a good one; I just need a
bigger one!" Actually, all women know that a good one is better
than a big one. Or, as my friend replies to "A good cock is hard
to find": "A hard cock is good to find."
If you have a taste for unmitigated hedonism, you'll enjoy this
well-written story. If anyone knows who actually wrote this
story, I'd certainly like to find out.
Ratings for "Afrodite"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Alice Who Went Through the Looking Glass and Came Back Very Much
Changed" by POC (Reposted by who@why.not). Fifteen-year-old
Alice is going to have a math test for which she is unprepared,
but instead of studying she wanders off to a place that is a lot
like either Wonderland or maybe England. She comes upon a party,
where she commits a faux pas and has to make amends by playing
"Simon Says" with a perverted Rabbit and Hatter. Then she watches
the Queen of Hearts giving head to the King of Spades. After an
epistemological digression on dreams, she finds herself
incarcerated, but only for several minuets before she is spanked
and buttfucked by a Barney Fife from the Future. Alice
experiences many more marvelous events, which I shall leave to
your imagination.
The story has minor grammatical problems, the most annoying of
which is an inconsistent alternation between the past and present
tense. In addition, we have missing apostrophes and occasional
misspellings; for example, at the Rabbit's command to reveal her
tits Alice (who is a true red head) stops hoping instead of
hopping - but maybe that was a Freudian error. In addition, the
Rabbit calls the Hatter a stupid Maroon, which would be
appropriate only at the University of Chicago. As a final touch
<g>, they fondle her for their mutual amassment. After the orgy
Alice washes up in a nearby stream for several minuets. I'm
surprised that neither Alice nor the Queen fondled the King's
public heirs.
Factually, of course, the story is extremely improbable, because
rabbits don't have opposable thumbs. You learn things like that
if you hang around an American high school.
Ratings for "Alice"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"One Day at a Time" by Uncle Mike (Reposted by who@why.not).
Thinking the place is empty, Schneider lets himself into the
Romano apartment to fix the plumbing. However, he finds Barbara
there, and she seduces him. He awakens later with a nasty knot on
his head and Mrs. Romano standing over him with a whip. She makes
him be a good boy and pay for his offenses.
This is a good but not great parody of the TV show. Probably its
main strength is the sexy dialogue combined with the ability of
the reader to picture the actual people engaging in the various
activities.
Ratings for "One Day at a Time"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Conversations" by Frank (Repost by who@why.not). This well-
written story answers the question, "What do kids talk about and
parents do in a really dysfunctional, family where daddy
impregnates the kids so that he won't have to buy tampons for
them?" Words such as lame-ass and disgusting spring to mind, but
I have decided not to comment on the behavior described in this
story. If you like that sort of thing, you'll like this story. I
personally think the world would be a better place if fewer people
liked this sort of thing.
Ratings for "Conversations"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Gilligan's Island" by X Story Teller (XStoryTeller@aol.com). I
like Gilligan parodies, but this is a weak example. Three better
Gilligan stories are "Gilligan's Island" by Shelby Bush, "Gilligan
Mashukah" by Richard Dunstan, and "Alt.Gilligan's.Island" by Leo
Sanderson. I reposted those reviews in CR 215. The author of
this one spends too much time telling us what's going on inside
the minds of the characters and too little time showing us. In
addition, the parody seems strained. It's not "awful" writing,
but with so many good stories on this topic already, this one does
not fill a need.
The author offers to write more chapters if there is a demand for
them. My advice is to find a better topic and write some better
stories - more originality, more character development, more doing
rather than telling.
Ratings for "Gilligan's Island"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Sweet little Anne" by Anne (AKA "Museum"). Guest review by Kim.
Ooops, I got told off by Celeste for being too harsh in my last
review. Luckily for me I don't need to be quite so brutal with
this one. You should see the nasty things Celeste does to naughty
reviewers!
This story is told by a woman, Beth, who goes on a visit to the
Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago, with her boyfriend,
Greg, and a recently acquired girlfriend, Anne. As they progress
round the exhibits Beth discovers that Anne, who's a lesbian
incidentally, has not come with the sole intention of steeping
herself in culture. No, her thing is exhibitionism!
To aid her in this endeavor she dresses in skimpy, loose fitting
garments, with no underwear. She doesn't seem to care who gets a
flash of her more intimate charms, but her prize targets are other
young females, such as Girl Scouts and college types.
Not surprisingly the boyfriend, Greg, can't keep his eyes off
Anne's sexier bits either. Even Beth is turned on by the display,
which reaches a climax, as it were, when Anne masturbates openly
for any passersby, sitting next to a stuffed ox. Hmmm, how
romantic <sigh>.
Anne then proceeds to spread her legs and lips, so that Beth can
get a better look as she fingers herself. She finally tries to top
this triumph by pretending to lie asleep on a bench, with her
pussy on display, for another group of Girl Scouts to ogle at.
By now Beth and her boyfriend, are so aroused that they decide to
hightail it back to his van for an impromptu bout of tension
relief. As they leave the building they watch as four cops go
running in, apparently to arrest poor Anne, and stop her
corrupting the youth of the country. Rotten swine. Beth and her
boyfriend, that is. Instead of warning Anne, they run off to their
love nest, laughing. Decidedly mean spirited of them, if you ask
me. Still, Anne presumably got off on being paraded through the
building in handcuffs.
So was it any good? Well, yes and no. Yes, 'cos I think there is a
highly arousing story somewhere in there trying to get out. No,
because, in all honesty, it was not very well written in places.
Like a lot of stories in ASS the author seems only interested in
taking time and trouble with the raunchy bits. The lead up is
almost slapdash by comparison.
Yeah, I know a lot of readers will skip the lead-up anyway, but I
don't; and I find it detracts from the sex when it finally
arrives. So, a qualified success, that would have received higher
marks if more trouble had been taken with the storytelling. I'm
not convinced Anne should have got her jollies by flashing minors
either, but at least she didn't touch any of them; so I guess
they'll survive the ordeal. Oh, and I liked the picture of the cat
at the beginning of the story.
Ratings for "Sweet little Anne"
Athena (technical quality): 7 (More care needed - Hey, I sound
like a school teacher)
Venus (plot & character): 8 (Well, I believed in them, sort of)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 9 (Yeah, so it got me horny, I can
handle it... )
"Sue and Baton Rouge" by Tony (tonytony@usa.net). Guest review by
Anne747.
Okay guys, someone set me straight. Do you really need those
measurements at the beginning of a story? This one isn't so bad,
but we get age, height and weight in the second paragraph. There
has to be a better way to set up a story than this. After seeing
Baton Rouge in the title I suppose I was expecting a location
`feel' to the story. It really could have been set anywhere
though.
The thing is, this is a good story, with only a few jarring notes.
The start is a little too clinical in the description of the
woman. And a little later on there is the use of the word
headlights in place of breasts. Oh, it's presented as kind of a
joke between the husband and wife; but the second time it's used,
well, it wears a little thin. And somehow cervix seems out of
place in an erotic story, but hey that's me.
The story revolves around a rather popular sex story topic - wife
watching. Usually I find these types of stories kind of silly.
However, this one is done with a very real feel to it, bringing
the voyeuristic tendencies of the couple into play. The reactions
and thoughts of the husband come across very well. The wife's
part is a little weak though. Since it was originally her idea
she seems a little too tentative at times, especially after coming
on so strong. I wondered if this was to make her character a
little more of a `good wife', but the sex was hot enough that I
didn't spend too much time thinking about it.
A good story which should appeal to those who enjoy wife watching
stories. And likely will appeal to those who usually give them a
pass.
Ratings for "Sue and Baton Rouge"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 10
"My Sister Jean" by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com). Guest Review by
Piper. {Note from Celeste: I have previously reviewed 2 earlier
chapters of "My Sister Jean," and I am reposting those reviews
below.}
I'm sure there are lots of perve..., uh, people out there who saw
the word "incest" in the story description and downloaded it
strictly in the hope of finding a couple (or more) of family
members doing the nasty. You know, like in Frank McCoy's stories.
Or Tiffany's. Or even Michael K. Smith's. Not here, I'm not
sorry to say. At least, not in the first 19 chapters.
(Insert - picture of some overgrown pimply-faced no-longer-
adolescent guy sitting down, hunched over, with his nose six
inches from the monitor and drool running down from his open mouth
and dripping off his chin into his keyboard).
The author sent Celeste a copy of chapter 19, asking her to review
it, even though he "knows" (and explains in his letter) it's not
really her thing. Incest, that is. Nor is reviewing incomplete
stories (one chapter out of many, with maybe one, maybe several,
left to come). However, since Celeste is usually quite
accommodating, but is currently rather overburdened with getting
the new school year off to a flying start, she passed the baton to
me <grin>. Hey Billy. You ready for this? He-he-he.
Unknown to Celeste (obviously), I've already read all 19 chapters
(I guess she knows now!). It's going to be difficult writing
about _only_ the latest one. So, what the heck. I'll write about
the latest chapter _and_ about the whole thing.
Hey, this is actually a good story - let me emphasize *story* -
about two relatively normal kids growing up. One is a typical
over-hormoned teenage guy with a lust for anything vaguely
feminine. The other one is his equally libidinous but much more
controlled fox of a sister. The guy has a panty fetish, by the
way. That's how his sister first caught him; he was sniffing
around in the clothes hamper.
Over the course of time, they develop a code of honor, and start
some low-grade experimentation with each other. Like exposure.
Touching. Things like that. They don't _do the nasty_ right
away. All the previous chapters explore different situations, how
they deal with each other's wants and desires, and dig into how
they feel about each other, the rest of the family, and the world
at large. This is fun stuff! Richly detailed, imaginative, and
engrossing. The author even manages to pull off using "natural"
language in his conversations without getting stilted or slangy.
Chapter 19 takes place on Little Cayman (Island). There's lots of
innuendo, sexy talk, some emotional bits, gameplay, and a bit of
mental manipulation. And some scuba diving. And a very pretty
(slightly older) dive master. This isn't the kind of stuff to get
you off. However, it is the kind of stuff that will make you go
look for your spouse (or whomever) to help you get off.
Titillation. That's the word I'm looking for. The almost-done
deed. But, despite the author's claim that this chapter stands up
well on its own, it doesn't. Not really. This chapter is a
continuation of the previous one and a setup for the next one(s).
Also, if I had read this chapter without knowing any of the
previous history of these characters, it would have been
impossible to understand the reasoning behind some of their
conversations and actions. Like who Ian and Jan are. And the
"sex agreement" the two siblings have. It isn't explained in this
segment. Of course, the easy fix is to read all of the chapters
in order.
One thing I will suggest to BillyG is that, unless he's
purposefully trying to leave in those amateurish little mistakes,
that he either go over the story carefully a second (or third)
time, or get himself hooked up with a proofreader. Spell-checking
alone just doesn't cut it. In several spots, missing or misused
words really derailed the story flow. (Yeah, I know, we're
getting pickier and pickier around here about them dang homonyms
and missing bits of sentence structure. Life's a beach. And then
you diet. Or is it the other way around?)
For chapter 19 as a stand-alone, I would give the story a 9, 8,
8.5. For the almost complete 19 chapter story, I give it -
Ratings for "My Sister Jean"
Technical merit 9
Plot & character 10
Appeal to reviewer 10
"My Weekend with Lisa" by "LM l". Guest review by BillyG.
The story, "My Weekend with Lisa," tries hard to be a sweet
romance, but fails. Several impediments, mostly technical,
persist in sidetracking the reader, most notable of which are
numerous typos and repeated misspellings. If the intent is to
entertain, the effort is sabotaged by spelling errors such as
surrounding, ahold, worshipped, voluptuous, magnificent,
delirious, thrusted, and entwined. They're the spinach between
the front teeth, the unconscious nose picking that derails one's
attention. I found as I was reading the story, I gave more
attention to looking for the next spelling goof than I did to the
plot line.
We learn just a little of the two lovers. Jeremy's a 23-year-old
college graduate who's very much in love with Lisa, a "drop-dead
gorgeous" blonde. His philosophical stance, however, suggests a
certain sadness beyond his years, perhaps the sadness of the
betrayed. He laments, "I wish I met Lisa earlier in life. Why
not? Then I wouldn't have to go through a ton of girlfriends
while growing up. They really did use me, for many things."
The expression, "a ton of girlfriends" brought a picture of
adiposity to mind I'm sure was unintended.
Jeremy's account of a trip with his blonde lover is replete with
detail, at times confusing and off-putting detail. The use of
high-resolution detail in story telling can serve to highlight an
issue or point in a direction of subsequent interest, but when
repeatedly overused, it moves from uncertainty to annoyance.
As Anne747 observed in reviewing an earlier effort, "I Love Lisa,"
there's a certain disjointed quality to LM1's writing. For
example, he says, "I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and
latched my mouth upon hers for a kiss. This time, the kiss was
extreme and passionate, almost blinding." I must confess that the
image of "latching" one's mouth on another gave me pause and in
the next sentence, I'm left trying to square the concept of a
"passionate" kiss with an "almost blinding" one. It's as if LM1
were reaching for fervent descriptions to underscore his love but
instead comes up with unnecessary wordiness that's often
discordant.
For another boggling exercise, try to image the body mechanics of
this position: "Next, Lisa hooked one leg over my shoulder and the
other around my waist, then I fisted my manhood and pressed it
into her." Given that Jeremy is six feet, three inches tall -
another detail we're given - I had some difficulty reconciling the
phallic reach called for in this coupling. Why, his cock would
have to be . . . no, impossible!
The mechanics of this story are not at the eighth-grade level,
just the lack of attention to things like spelling. Celeste and
many others have repeatedly encouraged the use of a spell checker
to elevate a story's apparent quality. It remains a constant;
even a well-crafted story takes on a tacky and tawdry quality when
it's riddled with spelling errors. "My Weekend with Lisa" is
marred by this neglect and consequently fails to make it as a love
story or a sexy story.
Ratings for "My Weekend with Lisa"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
BillyG appeal to reviewer: 6
Review of "Hot Pizza" by Solo Polyphony
(solo.polyphony@teamhbbs.com). Guest review by Mat Twassel.
In "Hot Pizza," Deb, a bicycle pizza delivery girl in a college
town, tells of her adventures one cold drizzly day upon delivering
$37.50 worth of mushroom and olive pizzas to a frat house. The
frat guy invites her in to dry off while he gets the money, but
then the dweeb spills beer on her while trying to hand her a towel
and pay her for the pizzas. It's the end of her shift, she's wet
and cranky, and she starts yelling at the poor guy. "Hey," he
says, "What if I wash and dry your clothes while you take a long
hot shower?" She accepts.
Turns out the frat boys have installed a defective one-way mirror
in the bathroom, and after Deb has entertained them with her
shower, the five boys have her kneel on a footstool next to the
bed, and forthwith, in ascending order of dick size, fuck her from
behind. Then the frat mascot, a St. Bernard named Zeke, has a go
at Deb's boy-oiled passage.
Deb's pretty spunky about the whole thing, even though at the end
she has to walk her bike home because her crotch is so slippery
she can't ride without sliding off the seat.
Deb isn't an endearing heroine; she comes off as wishy-washy
tough. The style, fairly straightforward and anecdotal, is
weakened slightly by a few vaguely comic twists and overtones.
Verisimilitude isn't the essential issue, but my taste craves an
even leaner and more matter-of-fact delivery--that or rude whole-
hog hyperbole. As it is, this pizza story leaves me a bit cold.
I'll guess Celeste would give it between a 9,7,3 and a 10,9,7.
(i.e. a passably well-written, well-told, though ordinary to
slightly below "average" tale which wouldn't especially touch her,
to say nothing about turning her on.)
"SG6: Under Their Thumbs" by Tooshoes (tooshoes@concentric.net).
Guest review by Mark Aster.
I read lots of comics when I was little. Superman and Batman,
Flash and Green Lantern. Mostly DC Comics, where the plots
were simple and clean, the sound effects loud, and the
villains obvious. I didn't read Marvel much; Marvel
Comics were soap operas by comparison, wasting lots of
precious page-space on character development and
relationships and angst when they could have used
it for good solid fistfights and things blowing up.
Comics also were (even then) sexy. Batgirl. Batwoman.
Catwoman! And, when I dared actually bring a copy
home, Vampirella. God, those tits. And those teeth!
Vampirella was NOT of course DC...
Sexy stories about these sexy superheroes are a real
good idea! Supergirl is a good choice (in fact as I
recall there have been a number of Supergirls, including
the one that was from the same planet as Superman,
another one that was really a magical fungus or
something (I kid you not), and maybe some others).
She's a good choice because she's a sensitive contrast
to the stoic Superman, because she lets the writers
explore the emotional side of heroism, of isolation,
of physical power. And, of course, because she's built
like a brick outhouse. Whoo-eee! And has inspired
thousands of young masturbatory orgasms of both genders.
This particular story is quite nice. A little wordy, a
little slow-paced for my taste; more Marvel than DC, if
you will. Not a hot nonstop sex-show by any means; three
erotic scenes in like 1600 lines. But nicely-done scenes,
and nicely tied into the larger story, which is about Supergirl
and her sexuality, and how various elements of society would
rather she didn't have it, and what happens when it escapes.
This story (which is part of a larger work, but stands pretty
nicely alone) follows in the proud tradition of Larry
Niven's "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex". That essay
considered reasons that Lois Lane might not survive an
erotic tryst with Superman. This story, on the other
side of the question, speculates on, among other things,
why mere mortals might like very much being in the
vicinity of an aroused, preferably orgasmic, Supergirl.
It also says some wry and true things about society and
sex. Here's a line that deserves to be classic:
I stroked Calvin gently to calm him down, and I said more
quietly, "He's not a bad cat. He's just acting naturally."
"That's what being bad means, dear girl," the doctor replied
as he headed for the door.
A few typos, a little long, the sex scenes somewhat
subordinate to the plot. I'd give it a random mix of
nines and tens on the Celestial scale, I suppose...
"The Island" by MissLilyO (MissLilyO@aol.com). Guest review by DG.
This is a little jewel of a story. It reminded me of a minimalist
painting where each brushstroke, shape, and color has a specific
purpose. Although it runs only a little over two thousand words,
it is a full story rather than just a vignette. As a writer who
keeps starting stories thinking "This will just be a short one,"
and then watching helplessly as they grow past 10,000 words, I
find that admirable.
A woman lies bound to a bed in a huge stone house perched high on
a tiny island in Puget sound. Her male captor alternately
torments and pleasures her, ultimately fulfilling her most private
desires. At the end of the story we find that their relationship
is not what we expected.
Although the sex acts are explicit and kinky, the style of the
writing is flowery and romantic, which softens the effect
somewhat, and underlines the fact that the woman is enjoying what
is happening to her. I often dislike "romantic" sex stories,
filled with awkward metaphors and rampaging emotion. But in this
story the writing is powerful and understated. For example, the
man uses a crop to "blaze a trail of hot leather kisses into her
exposed bottom cleft, touching her up on the little pursed spot
there, and causing her to plead with him to stop." Good stuff.
My personal preference would have been to see the story fleshed
out more. Just when I was really getting into the sex, it was
over. I think this story would work better as foreplay than as
the main event, if you are looking for literary aids for your
personal pleasure. But it is definitely worth seeking out, if
only for the fine use of words. I would like to read more stories
by this author.
Ratings for "The Island"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
DG (appeal to reviewer): 9
"One Birth, Two Breakups and a Crash" by Kim. (Kim@nym.alias.net).
Guest review by BronwenSM.
{Note from Celeste: One of the complications of the guest reviewer
system is that I don't really know what relationships exist among
authors and reviewers. In this case, I sent a story by Kim (one
of my guest reviewers) to Bronwen (a noted author and reviewer who
lives on an obscure European island). How was I to know that Kim
had already sent Bronwen a pre-publication copy of her story?
Bronwen sent me her review, with a note that it would be OK to
simply trash it if I thought the review would be inappropriate and
especially if I thought it would offend Kim. To solve this
dilemma, I read Kim's story and Bronwen's review, and I personally
agree with everything in the review except that Middlemarch is
even remotely a good novel. Good grief, I didn't know there was
even anyone besides me who has ever read that novel. <Bronwen -
Have you read the unabridged version of Moby Dick too?> My
assessment of the story is very much like Bronwen's, and I'll add
my own ratings at the end.
And by the way - I hope authors don't get the notion that 9's mean
that a story is "bad." That would be a very unfortunate
interpretation of my ratings.}
The narrator's just broken up with her live-in boyfriend and,
feeling vulnerable, bumps into the sister of an old friend. There
seems to be an instant - and romantic - rapport... but this new
flame isn't what she seems. Lesbian manipulation in both senses of
the word.......
Well, I've got to declare an interest immediately. The author is a
friend of mine *and* I saw this story before she posted it. I
liked it then, and my position hasn't changed.
I wrote this to Kim when she showed it to me: "Finally read it-
it's really great. Took it to bed with me...."
"I wouldn't have given any money I could get turned on by S&M
mind-game lesbians, but I did!"
"Sincerely hope this didn't happen to you, though. Nasty in RL."
But I should have said then what I have to say now. That'll teach
me. Best policy 'n all that. This *is* a good story. The first
part, describing how the break-up affects our narrator and how she
happens to bump into the other woman, is convincing. The central
part, which is the sexy bit, was pretty damn sexy. But the end is
not so satisfactory.
If something like this ending happened to the author then she's
bloody lucky. If it didn't then it's too neat to be satisfying.
The one thing that annoyed me about George Eliot's Middlemarch was
the way all the characters got sorted out neatly in about five
minutes at the end - baddies offed, goodies happy ever after - you
know the sort of thing. Well, that's what happens here. It feels
as if the author is worried she's depressing her reader so she
lightens it up. Better not.
Please don't hate me, Kim. I know I should've said this when you
first showed it to me. How was I to know Celeste would invite me
to review it?
All I'm saying is, let your character rip a bit more - let
yourself rip a bit more. There was passion in the beginning and
middle section, and then you reined it in. Mind you, it's a fault
I share. I underestimate people's attention span. This is a good
story - knocks spots off a lot of the dreck around - but it's not
quite excellent. Next one probably will be.
Ratings for "One Birth, Two Breakups and a Crash" {Added by
Celeste}
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Fun With June" by Bigtunaman (bigtunaman@hotmail.com). Guest
review by BluePencil.
Authors strive for a good opening. Properly written, an opening
line sets the tone for the entire story. "Four score and Seven -",
"It was the best of times -", "It was a dark and stormy night" -
each phrase leads, seemingly inevitably, into the writing that
follows. So when you encounter a story that starts out "Did you
ever meet a woman who has 'blowjob' written all over her face?"
you don't expect a gentle romance.
I must congratulate Bigtunaman; his opening line accurately
reflects the mood and tone of the story as a whole. No fumbling
teenagers, no romantic hesitations - just a pair of raunchy adults
who enjoy a purely physical relationship.
June and the narrator meet, have sex, and commence an on-and-off
physical relationship, seasoned with camaraderie and friendship
but not a hint of romance. Of it's kind, it's a good story. The
writing is competent and matches the story; the characterization,
though minimal, is effective. It reminds me of _My Friends the
Allens_ without the romance and plot, or one of Mike Hunt's
stories without the humor. This story would be at home in the
Letters column of a men's magazine; indeed, except for its greater
length, it would be perfect match.
What can I say? I liked it more than I expected to. There are
many writers on the net who attempt deeper characterization,
plotting, and prose. Very few do a better job of hitting the
target they aimed for. And though I might not look very hard, I'll
likely read anything else of Bigtunaman's I come across.
Ratings for "Fun With June"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot and character): 7
BluePencil (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Bar None" by DATS HER&HIM (reposted by who@why.not). Guest review
by Anne747.
The piece starts well and the writing seems pretty good. Could do
without the all caps sections. If you want to portray that someone
is shouting, then write it in. My real problem comes with the
content, and frankly the believability.
However, it's a gang rape piece, where, of course, the woman ends
up loving it. Yes, of course, women just love being trapped in a
bar where she is brutally raped by four men. And of course the
fact that her date set it up without her knowledge is just an
added plus. Hey, where do I meet me a guy like that (yeah right).
Oh, and did I mention that this was her first sexual experience?
So, if you like pieces where women are first verbally abused, then
physically raped, you'll probably love it. No, I didn't read all
the gory details, but I skimmed it enough to know that this is the
type of piece I truly detest.
Ratings for "Bar None"
Athena (technical quality): 8.5 (lose the caps)
Venus (plot & character): 5 (I just can't believe the female
character)
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 0 (because I can't find anything
lower)
"The Birthday Present" by Unknown Author (Reposted by who@why.not).
Guest review by Kim
Right up front I should say I have strong misgivings about this sort of
story. To me, at least, I see it as about one breath away from
pedophilia. I know there are many who see these stories as a "coming of
age" sort of thing, rather than the corruption of innocence. So I'll
give it the benefit of the doubt. Sermon over.
This is the rather sweet story of two sixteen year old girls, Allison
and Josey, deciding to give each other's younger brother an extra
special birthday present. The two boys, Danny and Keith, are about to
share their thirteenth birthday, the following week. The girls are going
to introduce them to the delights of adult sexual pleasure.
They decide to take advantage of Josey's Mom being at work on a Friday
afternoon, leaving the house clear for them to engage with the boys
after their soccer practice. The time duly arrives and they pair off
with the boys to separate bedrooms.
We then follow the coupling of Allison and Kieth. She fellates him to
orgasm, then they fuck twice without actually disengaging between times.
Ah, the stamina of youth!
Afterward she tells him he's the best screw she's ever had, which given
her age, isn't really as great a compliment as it might have been. She
also explains how a boy can tell that he's pleased his girl and given
her an orgasm. Not wishing to be unduly picky, I'll just say it's mostly
nonsense, which would seem to indicate that it's been written by someone
with limited true life experience.
They part with a hint of things to come, when Allison points out it's
her birthday soon.
I always end my reviews with bit on whether I liked it personally, so I
guess there's no reason to be any different this time. You can tell a
reviewer's in trouble when she fills up the review with irrelevant
sentences like my last one. :(
It's alright I guess. It's certainly well enough written, and I've
definitely read a lot worse in ASS. Unfortunately, it was such an
obvious piece of wish fulfillment, rather than a true slice of life, I
found it very difficult to suspend disbelief. Maybe it's my discomfort
at the age of the characters that's coloring my judgment; I don't now.
One part that really jarred with me was Allison looking in a legal book,
finding out the illegality of her action, but deciding to go ahead
anyway. This takes away all doubts of innocent experimentation to me.
Bottom line: if you like "rites of passage" stories you'll probably
appreciate it lots. Not my thing though.
Ratings for "The Birthday Present"
Athena (technical quality): 8 (No problems here)
Venus (plot & character): 8 (Not much of it, but it's not required)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 5 (Not remotely sexy - for me at least)
* "Blush" by RC (74734.271@CompuServe.COM). For a while RC was
posting about two stories a week, but I have not seen any new
stories for a long time. This is a good author, and I'd like to
see more of his stories.
As this story shows, we're not safe anywhere. If it's not the
aliens, it may be the attractive, middle-aged lady at the
cosmetics counter in the department store. She may hypnotize you
by talking you into a trance while you do something as innocent as
trying on some blush while you watch her brush move back and
forth, back and forth. And then when she shows up at 8:00 that
evening, you may not understand why you are dressed so seductively
or why you don't resist at all as her lips meet yours.
Ratings for "Blush"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "The Birthday Gift" by Wollstonecraft (Reposted by who@why.not).
Betty and the Narrator were both "big girls" with fuller bosoms
and hips than most of the other girls; and they both hated the way
guys would fall all over themselves staring and drooling like pigs
and how girls would snub them because they were jealous. They
quickly became close friends; and so the Narrator got the chance
to hang around with Betty's stepfather, Tom, who was like one of
those really great super-dads on TV family shows.
Near the beginning of the story the Narrator moves out of her
house and into Betty's after her mother's boyfriend (referred to
as the chicken man) tried to molest her. Things go well at the
new house, and the Narrator develops some healthy insights into
sexuality. But then, as the song says, things get complicated
when you get past 18. I'll give you the short version. Tom's
wife dies; Betty and the other kids move away; the Narrator
decides to seduce and become pregnant by Tom on her 18th birthday;
and in order to achieve the full effect, she goes to great lengths
to keep him from masturbating for a full week prior to the Great
Occasion, so that Tom will come to (or at <g>) the birthday party
with a fully loaded gun. It's all very sexy.
Ratings for "The Birthday Gift"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Bean City" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk) (Reposted by
who@why.not). Note this author's name: it has been deleted from
the story. He's a good one, and he deserves the credit for this
excellent story. This author started posting an "alphabetical
series" about a year ago. He reached I and J (for "Interpreter"
and "July 4") and then stopped. I hope he resumes his series.
This is a repost of his B story, which gets an A in my book.
The narrator of this story is a gent who is thirty-five friggin'
years old and who spots a classy lady with a mane of hair as black
as scandal and skin so clear and white you could show a movie on
it in a bar in Boston. They hit it off, and she takes him to her
plush hotel room. It turns out she's into humiliation or
dominance or some such thing. He'd rather they just have a bit of
fun while fucking their mutual brains out. You can read the story
to discover how they work things out.
Ratings for "Bean City"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Bertram I" by {I'm not sure}. Only "Bertram" has been reposted
so far. There's actually a Bertram I and II that I know of. I'll
repost both reviews hope someone will repost the second story.
Since I posted these two reviews, I have and reread my P.G.
Wodehouse stories about Jeeves and Bertie. Those were as good as
these parodies - but without the explicit sex. I tried to write to
this author to find out what name he would like to use, but the
message bounced. I'd really like to know this author's pen name,
since I intend to look for more of his stories.
This is a parody of the classic Bertie and Jeeves stories. I hope
that tells you more than it told me; I have never heard of Bertie
and Jeeves. In this episode Bertram is summoned to his Aunt
Agnes's bedside, where she informs him that his uncle Tom has left
her. She has no one to share her bed. She asks Bertram to take
care of her. He acquiesces; but first he hastens down the hall to
consult with his valet, Cheeves, who recommends a sexual technique
called the one-man band.
This is a delightful story about happily decadent people. It is
filled with mildly bizarre but very interesting activities and
metaphors that I have never thought of before. The nicest thing
about this story is that I have already downloaded "Bertram II"
for review in a subsequent issue of Celestial Reviews.
When I read parodies, I never know whether an apparent error is
deliberate or accidental. {Kind of like my own "finding nun"
phrase earlier in this issue of CR.} The author says, "She spread
her legs wide and revealed to me the rich plane of her cunt." Did
he really mean to say that?
Ratings for "Bertram I"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Bertram II" by {I'm not sure}. Bertie Wooster and Jeeves are
characters in a series of books by the British humorist P.G.
Woodhouse. Bertie is a member of the British ruling class who is
totally jobless and lives a charming life. Jeeves is his valet, or
a gentleman's gentleman, as Bertie refers to him. Bertie gets into
trouble, usually involving women (mostly his aunts) and Jeeves
saves him. That is the standard plot. The literati from the
Motherland will already know this, but we Colonials would be
clueless as a crown prince without this commentary. In addition,
one of my correspondents has told me that UPI recently (Oct. 17)
carried a story that two musicals based on the Jeeves stories are
headed for Broadway soon. One is by Andrew Lloyd Webber ("By
Jeeves") and the other is by the team that brought us Kismet and
Grand Hotel ("Betting on Bertie").
Regular readers of these reviews may recall Bertram's earlier
adventure with Aunt Agnes, in which he successfully utilized the
one-man band technique on her pussy and asshole, followed by a
vigorous double-holing with the assistance of the sainted Cheeves.
In the present story Bertram is again summoned to his Aunt Agnes's
house on the occasion of his cousin Wilhelmina's 21st birthday.
"Cheeves!" exclaims Bertram, "this is a disaster! Whatever shall
I give her?" What indeed!
As usual, Cheeves is happy to be of service."
Ratings for "Bertram II"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
*
"All We Like Sheep" by MC Woodsmoke. My initial reaction to this
story was perplexity at its title. What in the world does it
mean? I concluded that it was probably a typographical error.
The author either meant to say "We Are All Like Sheep" - or maybe
it was the more bestial "We All Like Sheep." Actually, the title
is stated exactly as the author intended it. You'll have to read
the story to find out what it means. Hint: It's part of a longer
phrase that you'll probably recognize.
Anyway, the hero of this story is that ubiquitous denizen of
a.s.s.: the electronics genius who knows how to use technology for
mind control. This particular hero has been smitten by the lovely
lady at work who has no time for sex; she just reads her bible and
performs church work with her youth group. A few weeks with our
hero's magic mind control tape takes care of that. She becomes a
hot little sex kitten that does her creator proud - her new
creator, not the old one, who may have preferred her to keep up
the work with the youth group.
Omigod! The youth group! Angie was working with two of the girls
from the youth group while she was listening to the subliminal
tape; that means the kids might have heard it too! He had planned
to seduce Angie, but suddenly Stacy and Kayla seem primed and
ready to go. {I'm not sure exactly how state and federal law deal
with the accidental exposure of minors to subliminal seduction. I
guess it would depend on whether one could get the judge and jury
to listen to the tape.}
An odd thing about mind control is that it has the capacity within
a few sessions to make people more enthusiastic devotees of an
activity than they would be had they participated in that activity
happily for several years. For example, I myself have enjoyed
cock sucking for over 20 years. In a sense, my mind has been
programmed to enjoy it, much like Angie in this story. Yet when I
am participating in that activity I retain control over my brain
and can do creative things (like chew gum, think, and even stop if
the performance contradicts an important value system) while still
maintaining my enthusiasm for the activity. This is a long way of
saying that sometimes mind control stories become a bit
simplistic.
Nevertheless, aside from some grammatical flaws, the present story
is highly creative and well worth reading.
Ratings for "All We Like Sheep"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
*
"The Anatomy Lesson" by Michael Dagley (dagley@soho.ios.com).
From time to time I reach the conclusion that since so many
authors send me their stories before posting them I must by this
time know all the good authors on this newsgroup. Therefore, I
tell myself, there is no need to go through all those other
postings that are probably a waste of time anyway. Fortunately, I
ignore my own advice, and that's how I find excellent stories like
this one.
This story is about a 17-year-old English boy who has grown into
adolescence almost completely isolated from peers - and especially
from girls. His strict parents have dispassionately and sternly
instilled in him a "good education"; but he knows only theoretical
information. For example, he has been forced to memorize the
names and locations of all the parts of the human body (including
the reproductive organs of both males and females), but he has no
clear idea how they all function or why anyone would want them to
function. Then his elderly nurse and tutor, Moni Brunner, who was
also his best and only friend, dies. Her replacement is Moni's
granddaughter, Rafael, who is much closer to Gordon's own age.
Although she is herself inexperienced with men, she decides during
their first lesson together to teach him (1) the practical use of
his theoretical information about reproductive organs and (2) the
meaning of desire.
I assured my husband that he would like this story; but I insisted
that he read it aloud with his hands behind his head, while I did
the things that Rafael did in the story. I guess you'll have to
read the story to understand this.
This was an exceptionally well written story. I hope to see a lot
more by this author.
Ratings for "The Anatomy Lesson!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Black Cat" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). I enjoy
corresponding with this author. Along with the present story he
sent me a note stating that he enjoyed CR 67, and he added:
"ROTFL! Maybe our senses of humor are just similar, but it's very
dangerous for me to read your reviews in public. Ah, but here I
am
buttering up the reviewer again. (Hm, interesting image...) Not
to imply that they're JUST funny; but the mix of humor in among
the wisdom is always a delight."
Here's my reply:
"Yeah, right! So you read my reviews in public, and the person at
the next terminal or the really serious librarian says, "What are
you laughing about?" You can reply, 'These back issues of Calvin
and Hobbes on the Internet really slay me!' Or if you think the
person might come and check the cartoon, you can reply, 'I love
this Rush Limbaugh humor! It's so much better in the original
German!'
"But were I to read your stories in public, I would have no
equally palliative replies. 'Oh, I always get a little moist when
I read....' What can I say? No matter what I would say, I'd
still come across as slightly more dysfunctional than you would."
Back to this story. On Friday the 13th of September our unnamed
protagonist agrees to use a hallucinogenic drug called Black Cat,
which he receives from a woman named Marilyn who has just broken
her compact mirror. I don't know the significance of the name
Marilyn, but everything else suggests a bad trip as my parents
used to say back in the 60's. Bad trips can actually be fun - as
long as they're imaginary. The images the author concocts in this
story range from the erotic to the grotesque. From what I've
heard, the descriptions in this story are pretty accurate. I
don't do hard drugs; and so my own experience is limited to mixing
excessive drinking with sex. Usually I fall asleep before I get
really going. That doesn't bother me, because I go so early and
blissfully into a sound sleep with very few inhibitions while this
guy whom I completely trust is making sure I have sweet dreams.
However, my husband often comments that he's not really into
necrophilia, and so I try not to do this too often. Oh, and there
was the one time I got really drunk and puked all over him - but
that's not a pleasant story.
A final word of advice: If you want to find out if a drug has
negative side effects, get this information from someone other
than the pusher. I find it amazing that people who would never
put comparable trust in a used car salesman or fruit peddler will
say to the person offering them drugs, "This isn't bad for me, is
it?"
Ratings for "The Black Cat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Buckets of Cum" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). I suspect
that this story is a set-up. The author knows I have been critical
of "Wannafuck" and "Buckets of Cum" stories, and he wants to see
if I'll praise a story with those words in the title. I'll show
him!
As you may recall, Pat has decided to get herself pregnant and Our
Hero has agreed to be the father. The story begins with Our Hero
waking up with a wet pussy tightly surrounding his cock, coming
three times before he himself shoots a load into her cunt. Then
Madamoiselle has a special request: "Would you mind if we stayed
in bed today, and you kept me full of sperm?" She's serious. And
there's not even a television in the bedroom with a remote control
that will enable him to watch Power Ranger reruns. Our Hero is
going to have to spend the whole goddam day in bed with this
sensuous woman with huge, soft breasts and a pussy that will
occasionally suck his cock dry. Talk about bad breaks! Oh - I
forgot to mention that Pat also has a marvelous ass.
According to my count, it was during the fourth attempt at sperm
implantation that Our Hero's dick failed to rise out of its stand
of blissful relaxation, in spite of Pat's kindly and persistent
ministrations. In other words, Russell the Wonder Muscle was dead
in the water. Not to worry. Exit Pat; enter Julie - whose lovely
lips and lively tongue bring Old Glory to full staff. Exit Julie;
enter Pat - and the deposit is happily entered where it will most
profitably bear fruit. Actually, I exaggerated for dramatic
effect - Pat stayed in the general vacinity to enjoy the fun.
On and on it goes. You'd think all this fucking would get boring,
but it doesn't. The author always manages to come up with a new
twist - so to speak. I'm not absolutely certain, but I think they
broke the world record for orgasms by a single male/female human
pair within a 24-hour period - a record previously held by my
husband and myself. If you want to try for this record yourself,
here is a set of guidelines: (1) Have the guy abstain from sex
for two days. They didn't do this in the story, and we didn't do
it on purpose; but this will help. (2) Increase manual and oral
stimulation of the ole power tool during later activity. (3)
Bring in one or more female friends to help Mr. Wiggly arise to
the occasion when his energy begins to wane. (4) Use blindfolds
and bondage as the situations demand. The preceding guidelines
will work most effectively if the two people are actually in love
and really hot for each other and employ sensible habits for
flirting and romance that sexy people normally apply. These
guidelines focus on keeping the guy's love missile firing. My
assumption (shared by Pat) is that the woman will have little
trouble banging away if she's really hot for a properly honed man.
Ratings for "Buckets of Cum"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Brady Bunch" by Uncle Mike. (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu)
This story raises an interesting question: "What kind of architect
would make the six kids in his blended family share one bathroom?"
The basic plot of this series centered around the minor problems
the three boys and three girls have getting along with each other.
This week's episode is no exception. While Bobby and Greg are
raping Marcia in the shower, she slips and accidentally impales
her cunt on Peter's rigid cock. Meanwhile, Greg loses his
balance, and his penis inadvertently slips firmly into Marcia's
mouth. Imagine that. Stranger things have happened on American
sitcoms. This turns out to be such a pleasant experience that
Marcia simply has to share her pleasure with her sister Jan. So
she sends Cindy (who is to young for this sort of thing) to sleep
with Mom (and presumably with Dad) and then goes to work on Jan.
Soon we have Marcia sitting on Jan's face while one guy has a cock
buried in Jan's cunt and the other has his rammed down Marcia's
throat. Then Mom opens the door and catches them, but she just
joins in. That's how they all became the Brady Bunch. Sing along
now: That's how they all became the Brady Bunch - the Brady Bunch!
Ratings for "The Brady Bunch"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Brenda - A Love Story" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).
This is a story about a man who falls in love with a 13-year-old
girl with whom he has been familiar since she was nine. In
addition, the girl's 11-year-old sister develops a sexual
relationship with his own 17-year-old sister. There's a lot more
to the story than this, but I am not going to go into the details
here. All I'll say here is that it's a rich, well-developed story
that presents a reasonable perspective on the problems as well as
of the joys of such a relationship.
The author himself refers to this as a "pedophile love story."
Interestingly, my on-line dictionary does not define pedophile or
pedophilia. It goes straight from pedometer to peduncle. Go
figure. However, my on-line encyclopedia does have an article on
the topic, which says this:
"Pedophilia is a psychosexual disorder characterized by a sexual
desire for and sexual acts with prepubescent children. Onset of
the disorder can occur from adolescence through old age, and it
occurs predominantly in males. About two-thirds of pedophiliacs
are attracted to children of the opposite sex. Based on evidence
from criminal court records, pedophiles usually know the children
that they abuse. Most pedophiles resort to deception rather than
force. Although much is known about pedophilia, pedophiles
themselves are difficult to treat and recidivism rates are high."
In the present story, the "pedophile" doesn't actually do what my
encyclopedia says pedophiles do; he simply develops a consensual
relationship with a thirteen-year-old whom he has known for
several years. You will note that although the author himself
describes this as a pedophile love story, I myself have referred
to it as a story of emerging adolescence and romance.
Nonetheless, it is important to realize that this story deals with
a topic that sets of alarms in the minds of people who are
concerned about children being harmed by pornography on the
Internet. As a teacher in an American public school, I am
supposed to call to the attention of the legal authorities
behavior that is typically labeled pedophilia, if I become aware
of it. That's the rules, folks; and I could get into trouble for
not following them. I hasten to add that I am NOT a member of the
Thought Police. I work with a large number of troubled
adolescents, and I HAVE worked with the authorities in cases that
they refer to as pedophilia. In no case that I have witnessed has
the relationship been like that described in this story. Every
case I have ever seen has revealed children who had their lives
screwed up by an exploitive adult.
The notion of falling in love with an innocent and precocious
young person is intuitively appealing. This story idealizes that
intuitive appeal.
It seems reasonable that society can differentiate between
exploitive sex with children (which is vividly described in
Michael K. Smith's "Remembering") and emotionally sensitive
relationships like those described in this story. It is my own
belief that most children are best advised to reach a reasonable
level of maturity before becoming sexually active and that many
adults who become sexually active with children are likely to be
satisfying their own (perhaps unconscious) needs rather than being
helpful to the children. In addition, a very large number of
psychologists seem to agree with my belief, and the laws of most
countries in Western society support my position.
On the other hand, stories like this one are realistic
presentations of emotions and feelings. My hope is that
reasonable people can set aside their biases, read this as the
good story it is, and perhaps let the insights they get from this
story influence their thinking about the issues involved. Many
people will read this story to get some good ideas on how to
seduce little kids or will reject it out of hand because it is
about something that is immoral. Both groups will waste a
perfectly good story.
This story raises a simple question: is it possible to write a
story in which an adult has sexual relations with a young
adolescent in a way that would be approved by reasonable, socially
responsible people? I think this story (along with several
others, including Randu's "Double Trouble" and Santo Romeo's
"Martha Jane") demonstrate that the answer is yes. The related
(and more volatile) question is can this happen in real life? The
answer certainly must be yes, it CAN happen. The crucial question
is DOES it happen? Or are all adults who do this sexual perverts,
as most laws seem to suggest?
As I have said earlier, literally all the young children whom I
have known to have experienced sex with an adult were severely
exploited. It may not always be accurate to call their partners
perverts; "sick" or "dysfunctional" may be better words for some
of them. But - and this is an important BUT - kids who have had
perfectly adaptive - even wonderful - relationships like those
described in this story would have no incentive to come forth and
talk to me about it. In fact, if they did so, the adults whom
they loved would possibly suffer dire consequences. I seriously
doubt that all adult-child sexual relationships are as destructive
as some child advocacy people would have us believe; but I also
think that most real-life adult-child sexual relationships are
exploitive.
I cannot conclude without mentioning one important issue. I think
we need to let kids be kids. In recent years movies and TV shows
(especially the soaps) have combined with peer pressure to urge
kids to rush into adulthood way too fast. An important part of
the mother's logic in this story was that if Brenda didn't have
sexual relations with Richard, she'd be having sex with someone
else real soon. To the extent that her insight is accurate, her
decision to permit sex with Richard may be valid. But might it
not be better to find a way to encourage kids to grow up before
they have sexual relations? As I understand it, something like 25-
40% of kids in the Western world don't have sex until they are at
least 18 years old. Granted, a bunch of these people have major
hang-ups; but statistically they're OK people. If I may use
myself as a case study, I think I really do all right sexually,
even though I had a full childhood before I began my active sex
life; and I THINK the same can be said of my daughters. Sexuality
isn't the only area in which we tend to push kids too fast; I
constantly see parents trying to push preschoolers into academic
programs when they should be playing games or reading Little Red
Riding Hood. Ooops! {For an explanation of this Ooops, see the
review of "The Better To...." later in this issue.} Let's let
kids be kids!
I like stories that raise thought-provoking questions in
interesting contexts. This story does exactly that.
Ratings for "Brenda's Conquest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Cinnamon" by Patrick Donovan (drwho@world.std.com). This story
was reposted without an author's name by who@why.not. The actual
author is Patrick Donovan, and he deserves credit for this
excellent story.
This is a vivid description of the narrator making love to Alicia
in a beautiful cove by the ocean on a moonlit night. It is an
extremely well-written story; and I recommend it strongly. I had
never thought of using warm cinnamon oil in the manner described
in this story. What I would like to know is whether that liquid
when heated and rubbed gently into the appropriate aperture really
does serve as an effective lubricant for anal intercourse.
Ratings for "Cinnamon"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Bartenders Have All the Fun" by The Grey Ghost (Reposted by
who@why.not) A college guy and his friend stay after hours at the
bar and have a raucous party with four girls who have been
attending a stag-ette party for one of the damsels who is getting
married. They play a game called "I've-Never," in which players
take turns, while sitting in a circle, saying something that they
have never done and they think someone else in the party has done.
{It's the sort of thing that counselors often recommend as an ice-
breaker at touchie-feelie encounter groups.} For instance a guy
might say he has never worn a bra, and all the girls (as well as
any guys who had worn a bra) would be required to drink (or do
what the group has decided for that game). I myself would really
kick ass at a game like this, because I would say, "I have
diagrammed sentences while making love" or "I have had an orgasm
while reading "The Great Gatsby." Well, as you can easily
imagine, somebody in the group has never done a striptease, and
after the appropriate libations, somebody does do a striptease.
Eventually they play a variation of Blind Man's Bluff and have an
orgy. A good time is had by all.
Ratings for "Bartenders Have All the Fun"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
* "Brown Nosing" by Phil Phantom. Some people will dislike this
story because it was originally zipped but now it's decoded.
Others will object because it is about incest. I think it's just
plain funny. Anyway, the man has just gotten a job, but he leaves
his wife and family behind in the room with the boss during the
final interview. The boss fondles the man's daughter; and the
man's son becomes turned on and begins fondling the mother. The
third child becomes so excited that "she didn't know who to
watch." That should be "whom," of course. Some of these authors
get so excited that they screw the hell out of their pronouns as
soon as their hormones get going.
A lot of readers enjoy blackmail and pedophile stories; and this
one combines both. I usually don't like either element, but I
enjoyed this one largely because of the grotesque perspective. We
see the first part of the story from the viewpoint of the father,
who re-enacts everything that happens while his wife tells him
about it. The storytelling style is most interesting; it reminded
me of the old Bert and Ernie sequence from Sesame Street ("Did
anything interesting happen today?" "Nope." "How did you tear
your shirt pocket?" "Oh, that happened when I was running too
fast through the door at the circus... after Johnny said we had
better go home... after the tent started to collapse... after the
mime started yelling and screaming.... because the door to the
lion cage had come open... after the tiger devoured the trainer...
right after his partner had been shot by the homicidal maniac who
was using me as a human shield... But don't worry; the S.W.A.T.
team shot him.... right after he threw the hand grenade down my
pants.... ) Actually, the Sesame Street version was a little
different, but the idea is that the wife casually describes to the
husband increasingly outrageous activities; and the guy just
listens, tries the ideas out on his wife, makes her cum, and then
says he'll have to have a talk with the kids.
Of course, if this would happen to you and your family in real
life, you should go straight to a good lawyer. Make that an
expensive lawyer - they're easier to find. The lawyer will fill
you in on the details regarding how you can become immensely rich
by suing the bastard for child molestation.
But there's more! After dropping Dad off at home, Mom goes back
to get the kids at the movies. She wants to have a talk with them
- to make sure they don't lose respect for her, of course. So
while they're driving home, the kids essentially gang-rape her
with hand jobs in the moving car. They even argue over who gets
what. During a typical American car trip, when the children argue
and get out of hand, the parent often screams, "Shuddup, you
little motherfuckers!" I suppose that would have been ironic
under these circumstances.
But there's more! Eventually the boss starts making night calls
to the family's house and brings clients to go into the girl's
room and plays sex and bondage games with Sherry and Sandy after
using Mom as a warm-up course while Dad does paperwork for the
company. This pushed me beyond the limits of what I could endure.
That should be girls' - it's s-apostrophe, not apostrophe-s, for
plural possessives!
This was an interesting but bizarre story. If any of you try this
in real life, you deserve to be arrested. Then you will burn in
hell and will be forced to live with an American politician for
all eternity.
Ratings for "Brown Nosing"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Chambermaid" by Delta (Repost by who@why.not). I am familiar
with Delta primarily as the author of some of my favorite *long*
stories. My all-time favorite is "Strip Chess" - because of that story
I still cannot concentrate properly on strategy during a chess game.
This is a much shorter story - the kind of thing that Ann Douglas or Sue
do so effectively. I was impressed that Delta could write so well in
this different format.
The story is about a woman who has recently broken up with her lover. A
major problem in her life, she feels, is that she is too fastidious and
predictable. She is staying in a motel, and she mistakenly puts the
"Clean room" instead of the "Do not disturb" sign on the door knob while
she takes a shower. When she comes out of the shower and is surprised
to find the chambermaid (a guy) in her room, she impulsively decides to
be a lot less predictable. You'll have to read the story to find out
what this means.
I have a personal insight into how this story was written that makes it
even more impressive to me. When Delta sent me this story, she told me
that she had written a message to a.s.s., but it was obvious to her that
the message really belonged on a.s.s.d. However, she knew that if she
posted it with the latter newsgroup, very few people in her target
audience would see it. So she solved the problem by immediately writing
this entire story, and then she appended the message to the story - and
she could now legitimately post the combination on a.s.s., since it was
a story and her message was part of the disclaimer! Actually, this is
not a new ruse. You possibly know that there is some dispute over the
authorship of Shakespeare's plays. As I understand it, the real story
is that those plays were written by a woman who was in love with her
landlady, at a time when such things were viewed askance (women writing
plays, that is). Anyway, whenever she sent in her rent check, she
enclosed another scene or act (depending on her level of passion at the
time) or a sonnet (if she was really hot). This is only one hypothesis,
but I think it makes a lot more sense than the Francis Bacon theory; and
it also explains why some of the passages make so little sense. From
one perspective, Delta's effort pales in comparison - "Shakespeare" also
put her plays into iambic pentameter and her sonnets sort of rhymed
sometimes.
Ratings for "The Chambermaid"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "My Sister Jean I" by William G. Hayden. Because Billy and Jean
are brother and sister, some people would label this an "incest
story." That's silly. Incest involves something unnatural - the
use of power by one family member to take sexual advantage of
another or sexual intercourse that's likely to lead to inbreeding.
Nothing like that happens in this story. This narrative describes
part of a young boy's and his sister's attempt to come to an
understanding of their own sexuality. Billy has a sister, and
he's aware that she has something to do with sex. Sex is powerful
and mysterious, and his parents have apparently tried to keep it
secret from him. He enjoys trying to touch his sister when he
wrestles with her; he sneaks up to the bathroom door to listen to
her pee; and he plays with her underwear. Some of this is
misguided and perhaps strange to readers who have acquired
accurate sexual information from inspired parents, divine
infusion, or gutter conversations. But what is described in this
story is a reasonable, sensitive description of how a young boy
and his sister might begin to understand their sexuality. It's
not hot sex; it's nostalgia - even for readers who haven't
experienced exactly the same feelings.
Ratings for "My Sister Jean - Chapter 1
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "My Sister Jean - Ch 8" by BillyG (Yosh@loop.Com). I reviewed
two early chapters that this author sent me; and then I saw this
one in the postings. The protagonists have grown up. I was
afraid they'd be having sex with each other by now. That's where
all these brother/sister stories seem to go. But so far what we
have here is good healthy flirting and sexual innuendo. In my own
life I have ruled out sex with my brother. Period. This allows
me to share thoughts with him that I would not feel free to share
with a potential sexual partner. My brother and I don't interact
the way Billy and Jean do in this story; but I enjoy imagining
that we do. I just hope this author avoids the fascination with
the incest taboo and lets this go on as a nice, healthy story
about emerging sexuality.
Ratings for "My Sister Jean - Chapter 8
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Above & Beyond Call of Duty" by J. Boswell. Susan needs a few
bucks to make ends meet, and so she joins up with a strip-o-gram
service. She really gets into it, and she earns big tips by going
above and beyond the call of duty when she mingles with the guests
at the parties after she strips and delivers her birthday message
or whatever. It's a simple story, but sometimes simple is simply
good enough.
Ratings for "Above & Beyond Call of Duty"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Curiosity" by Javahead. The man takes his wife to a strip club
and they befriend a dancer named Kitty Delight. (This was just her
stage name, of course; her real name was Tutu Small). The wife
becomes interested; and one day she surprises him by joining the
cast of dancers. She does well; but she dances mostly for him,
and they have great sex afterwards.
One nice thing about this story is that it explained the ground
rules for lap dancing: The dancer does not touch the client with
her hands - and he lets *her* make all the contact. If he were to
put his hands anywhere but her waist, the bouncers would escort
him out. As long as she's in control, and it's a *dance*, it's
legal. If he gets to use *his* hands, or she uses *hers* too close
to his crotch, the bar gets shut down for the night and she gets
hauled in for prostitution. Makes sense. I thought when my
daughter told me she was taking up lap dancing it had something to
do with her track team. Oh, well; live and learn. (Rating: 9)
Ratings for "Curiosity"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Composition in Cream and Chocolate" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). This repost from who@why.not was
reposted without the author's name. Mary Anne Mohanraj is an
outstanding author who has posted many stories with this newsgroup
and who deserves credit for this story.
I found it difficult to determine exactly what was happening in
this story. After reading a paragraph or two I often found myself
reaching a point where I gained a new piece of information and had
to back up to fit it into the picture that was gradually emerging
in my mind's eye. This ambiguity is not a flaw; it's intentional
- end it's very well done.
The theme is unusual: a male stripper gradually revealing himself
and offering his attentions to a female patron. I have never
attended such a show myself, and all my vicarious experiences have
consisted of films and stories about female strippers. I HAVE
gone with my husband to bars with striptease dancers (while we've
been away at conventions - so that none of my students will see me
entering the establishment and so that I won't accidentally
discover one of my coworkers at her night job.) My impression has
invariably been one of disappointment; the dancers were simply not
very sexy. They seemed to be in worse shape than myself, bored
with their jobs, and concerned primarily about squeezing tips out
of patrons before putting on a tawdry display that wasn't really
sexy at all. Nevertheless, it seems reasonable to FANTASIZE about
exotic dancers in terms of wonderment; and this story turns the
tables by making a male dancer the center of attention. I guess
what we have here is the male stripper equivalent of the ideal lap
dance. This was a new and very erotic experience for me.
The show starts in near darkness, as does our understanding of
what is going on. Even at the end of the story, I wasn't sure
exactly what had happened. The sex had been explicit, though
conducted by candlelight in a dark room; but questions remained
unanswered. All along I had assumed that the woman was a patron -
but at the end we hear an audience applauding. And near the very
end we have a reference to a pile of cream and chocolate skin; and
I am struck with the realization that the woman is brown-skinned
and the man is white. OK; the two must BOTH be dancers, and
they've been putting on a show for an audience.... That's why it's
called "Composition in Cream and Chocolate." Wait a minute! I'm
going to have to reread major parts of this erotic narrative -
maybe even the whole thing - to see if my new theory fits. Gee,
that's too bad. I'm already turned on, and you can never tell
what a second reading is going to do to me....
In recent reviews I have railed against what I have called a
demeaning use of interracial sex in some of the stories. This
story does NOT fall into that category. The skin color is part of
the ambiance - music, skin color, facial features, nipples,
actions, etc. - that create a sexually charged, poetic atmosphere.
This is an excellent story. This author has a whole collection of
her stories on the Web at http://mud.bsd.uchicago.edu.
Ratings for "Composition in Cream and Chocolate"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Chantal" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).
{This story was recently reposted with the author's name removed.}
No offense to the rest of you authors out there - and I may say
the same thing about someone else right after I have read his or
her story - but Mary Anne Mohanraj may be the best writer to post
stories on this group. I would be absolutely astonished if this
author has not written other stories that have gained recognition
in high-quality, mainstream, non-erotic publications.
A lesbian woman is comforting a non-lesbian friend to whom she is
non-reciprocally attracted and who has recently broken up with a
jerk of a guy. She longs to hug and caress her friend and to make
tender love to Chantal, but she knows that any attempt at
closeness will drive Chantal away. A knock comes at the door; it
is a phony pizza man, who threatens to kill the woman unless
Chantal surrenders herself to his will. At the crucial moment the
woman breaks free and demands that the man rape her instead of
Chantal. The rapist at first seems ready to comply, but then he
tells the two women to get it on together for him. Ironically,
the woman's attempt to rescue Chantal will enable her to achieve
her fondest desire - but under highly undesirable circumstances.
I've told you all but the very end of the story; but I think
you'll still find immense pleasure in reading this well-crafted
and highly erotic story.
Ratings for "Chantal"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10