Celestial Reviews 206 - August 9, 1997
Note: I'm taking a short vacation, but because of the guest
reviewers there will be almost no interruption in Celestial
Reviews. That means that if you're a reviewer sitting on a
review, you might want to send it to me, so that I have enough
reviews for CR 207.
Second note: Two people have been reposting large numbers of
stories: Storyman (not StorysMan, who has an s) and Voracious
Reader. Both are using the stories as come-ons to introduce their
web sites. While I'm sure many readers are happy to obtain access
to so many stories, I see some problems. First, I downloaded one
labeled "hookedon.txt," which turned out to be "Just a Little
Country Girl" by Jay Boswell - only the author's name was omitted!
Two others were "Lavinia.txt" and Lavinia8.txt," which are parts 1
and 8 of Friar Dave's "Lavinia." Are there really readers out
there who are so desperate for a story with sex in it that they
would actually want just these two chapters of this excellent
story? Sometimes it seems obvious to me that it would be better
to do a better job of posting a smaller number of stories with
more detailed and accurate information.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Mystery Flasher" by Phloighd (exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
"Greek to Me" by Hugh Jardon (anal quickie) 8, 6, 6
"Our Special Moment" by Ojo de Ella (relaxing but intense
lovemaking) 10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Carmen Sandiego" by Dimitri (sex in exotic places)
6, 5, 5
"I'm Going to Fuck Your Wife" by Storysman (rape)
9, 9, 3
"Nottamun Town" by Mr Spraycan (adventures in
fantasyland) 10, 10, 10
"The Aztec Earrings" by K. Moore (transgender) 10, 9, 9
"Simpsons: Episode 2" by GzAxgaiefX (sitcom parody)
2, 1, 1
Reposted Reviews:
* "Gilligan Mashukah" by Richard Dunstan (sitcom parody)
10, 10, 10
* "Box of Delights" by Orion (mind control) 9, 9, 9
"Mystery Flasher" by Phloighd (jroot@netmcr.com). The narrator is
working in a remote section of a record and book store. A very
attractive woman comes up to his counter and starts flirting with
him. The conversation is sexy and seductive. There's really not
much to say about this story, except that it's extremely sexy and
seductive - and I've already said that.
This is this author's first story. Either he got lucky or I want
to see a lot more stories from him.
Ratings for "Mystery Flasher"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Greek to Me" by Hugh Jardon (StoryMan repost - listed as
greektome.txt). The guy arrives unexpectedly at his girlfriend's
apartment. They get naked and fuck like rabbits in heat. His
cock slips out of her pussy and goes into her asshole when he
reinserts it, and they have a glorious time. What this story
lacks is character development or any real reason for anything
that happens.
Since I had so little to write about this story, I looked up
"Greek love" in my unabridged dictionary. It's right there
between "Greek-letter society" and "Greek Orthodox Church." It
means anal sex, apparently because Spartan soldiers got lonely and
needed a place to sheath their metaphorical swords. There's
probably an editorial in this somewhere, but I'm not going to
touch it with a 12-inch cock.
Ratings for "Greek to Me"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Our Special Moment" by Ojo de Ella (Voracious Reader repost).
This story describes a hot lovemaking session during which the
woman tells the man to just relax and enjoy it. And he does.
Twice. This is a very hot story. It reminds me of Dulcinea's
work, and that's a real compliment.
I suspect that this story started out as one of those second-
person (you) narratives that people often write for their
cyberlovers. This is an excellent example of the value of
changing to the third person before posting the story. Try
reading this story with "you" mentally inserted for "him." On
second thought, don't. It's not nearly as hot or intense that way.
Ratings for "Our Special Moment"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Carmen Sandiego" by Dimitri (dimitri@ihug.co.nz). Guest review by
BillyG.
The story is based on the cartoon series, "Where On Earth Is
Carmen Sandiego." It's likely that the erotic appeal of sex
stories about TV or cartoon personalities arises from our
affection for them or perhaps our identification with them. That
principle sets the stage for the difficulty I had with the sci-fi
fantasy story, "Carmen Sandiego."
I have nothing against longer story length in itself, particularly
if it serves to develop the plot or to portray a slow seduction or
to draw out the sexual tension. "Carmen" would appear to do none
of these. It's long, almost tedious, without being coherent.
There are multiple, poorly connected vignettes with too many
inadequately developed characters, several of whom have no more
apparent function than window dressing.
For those readers who get a kick from secret agents, HAL-like
computers, teleporters, abduction, an evil sultan, and an even
more evil brother fronting a substantive cast of lesser minions,
set in ever-changing and ever-confusing exotic locations ranging
from the Far East to Disneyland, there may resonate a ring of
interest and familiarity in this story.
The girl-girl scenes between the evil but capable (the only one)
Carmen Sandiego and our attractive but largely inept heroine from
ACME Detective, are fun. Were they set up with more care, they'd
be sexy as well. There's one token, almost off- hand heterosexual
coupling of Carmen and a nondescript guard who happens to be
convenient when she is "secretly" watching a girl-girl sex scene,
which, by the way, is almost equally off-hand.
Carmen doesn't make it as a science-fiction story, as a detective
story, or most of all, as an erotic story. As an SM story, it has
moments that might appeal to those who enjoy capture, subjugation,
and submission; but sorry to say, even those are treated in casual
ways that are well short of tongue-in-cheek humor.
Ratings for "Carmen Sandiego"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 5
"I'm Going to Fuck Your Wife" by Storysman (Storysman@aol.com).
Guest review by Anne747.
This was a challenging review for me to write. There is no
question that this is a fairly well-written story. If it had been
a conventional story with little to no sex, it still would have
made me uncomfortable. I just have a problem with the idea that
someone would find this story arousing. For those who don't like
plots ruined you should probably stop here. I'll call it a short
erotic thriller with dark disturbing overtones and let you go read
the story.
The story starts when the man in the story is opening the day's
mail. A plain unmarked envelope contains a single message (the
title). He laughs it off, goes upstairs and proceeds to do so
himself. The notes continue, something he never tells his wife.
He begins to have visions of her being raped in a variety of
situations. The tone of the threats becomes more violent. He
still does not go to the police, or tell his wife. Even his own
actions towards his wife becomes more angered, more forceful.
After talking with a woman in his wife's office, he decides he
knows who the man is and confronts him. During this encounter he
beats the man up with a crowbar, finding out as he leaves that the
man had raped another woman in the office, and had an affair with
another man's wife. On the way home he discovers that the man he
has beaten is not the right one. While the man is driving the
final few miles to his house, the rapist describes to him on the
car phone his actions in graphic detail while he rapes the man's
wife. By the time the man reaches his house the rapist is gone
and the wife is dead.
Okay, I've pretty much ruined the suspense, which is fairly well
done. My real problem with this story as an erotic piece is that
I have a feeling there are some people who will find the rape
scenes stimulating, and that bothers me. In fact even the fact
that the husband seems to be aroused at times by the threats kind
of does the same. So, what I read was a fairly well written
suspense that left a definite bad taste in my mouth. Read at your
own risk... just don't tell me if you masturbated to it - I don't
want to know!
Ratings for "I'm Going to Fuck Your Wife"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Nottamun Town" by Mr Spraycan (mrspraycan@mailanon.com). Guest
review by Kim.
Hey, I must be doing something right: Celeste keeps on sending me
stories to review. So without further ado here we go. {Note from
Celeste: I recently read a disclaimer to a story that said,
"Without further adieu...." Kim has it right!}
This is not the normal type of story to appear in ASS - at least
not the sort I have read many of anyway. This is a tale of sword
and sorcery about a guy who's at a party and has a bit of a fugue,
and then wakes up two weeks later, naked and singing on a London
park bench. From there he's dragged off to the funny farm, where
he relates to a shrink that he's been to a place of magic during
the interim. The tale then launches into a flashback mode, and we
follow his trials and tribulations.
His adventures in a strange land begin when he is seduced by a
passing witch. After several close encounters with the witch our
hero decides to journey on to the eponymous town of the title,
accompanied by the witch's talking cat. Now I wish I myself had a
talking pussy, but I digress (yeah, obvious I know). On the way
the cat explains the economy of the land: people get paid for
being publicly flogged and humiliated so that the local chief bad
guy can absorb all the psychic energy this gives off. Oh, and all
the residents wander around naked; and the native form of greeting
consists of the reciprocal thrusting of genitals at each other.
After a few more adventures our hero decides to confront the evil
ruler and challenge him and his even nastier lady sidekick to a
duel of magic and fisticuffs. Our hero's magic consists entirely
of his ability to sing the lyrics from a song by Fairport
Convention. Enough magic by anyone's standards, I think you'll
agree.
It all ends in tears, of course, with the hero back in the company
of the shrink, who is admonishing him for consuming cheap alcohol
and illegal drugs. The story ends on a rather touching note, as we
find our hero a year later still pining for the love of the witch
he first met {and bedded} at the beginning of his odyssey.
According to the author's web page, a semi-commercial site
incidentally, this whole story was inspired by a bad drugs
experience he once suffered.
*** Warning - pointless moralizing by reviewer ***
Remember folks just say NO. If you want a mind altering experience
then go read a book!
*** Pointless Moralizing Mode Off ***
Well, what did I think about it? I have to say, I thought it very
well written and engrossing. I was quite sad when it was over. I
wouldn't mind reading some more of the adventures of the magical
Nottamun Town and its surroundings. I would point out however,
that to my mind, it was virtually devoid of anything erotic, but
as an interesting piece of story telling it was first rate. If you
can't stand fantasy, then you're not gonna agree with my ratings;
but then it's my review, so there.
Ratings for "Nottamun Town"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 10 (but see note about lack of
eroticism)
"The Aztec Earrings" by K. Moore (Repost by Nostrumo). Guest
review by Purple Shade.
Two friends explore an island off the coast of Florida after
hearing some legends associated with the site. It's rumored to be
the site of the lost Aztec tribe which fled north to escape Cortes
back in the 1500s. The main character in the story (who is never
actually given a name, unfortunately) finds a pair of very old
earrings, which he decides to keep as a souvenir.
Fascinated by his discovery, he decides to try them on and
discovers that they have mystic properties, and while wearing them
he is transformed into a beautiful woman. Keeping his discovery a
secret, our hero sets out to discover the joys of womanhood
including loosing his "virginity" to his best friend Ron.
The author does quite a good job describing how "Amber" explores
her new body and mind-set. The author takes the time to examine
the adjustment to the unexpected events rather than simply having
Amber rush into Ron's tent and jump his bones.
The story is imaginative and keeps the reader's interest, but I
found myself wishing I knew a little more about the two
characters. Some background would have improved the story. Since
it was listed under the heading of a TG story, I'm sure this was
bypassed by many readers, since many of us expect that stories
under that heading usually deal with men dressing up as women.
Instead, this falls into a Doctor Jeckle / Miss Hyde sort of
situation. Again, while I feel the story could have benefited
from a little more about the characters, it is nevertheless worth
the time reading it.
Ratings for "The Aztec Earrings" {Added by Celeste}
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Simpsons: Episode 2" by GzAxgaiefX (gzaxgaiefx@aol.com). Guest review
by Jake Stonebender. (Reviewer's note: No, I'm _not_ Jake Stonebender...
I just play him on the net.)
People have probably been writing erotic parodies of series television
and movies as long as there has _been_ series television and movies.
The earliest widespread example propagated by the Internet was probably
"K/S" fiction, erotica based on the theory that Kirk and Spock (from
ST:TOS) were homosexual lovers.
Some of this fiction has been exceptionally well plotted and written.
This is not an example.
I suspected, almost as soon as I noted that Bart was going to extend his
"Knew Knowledge" (instead of his "new" knowledge), that this would be
another example of the category of erotica where the poor quality of the
writing overshadows everything else.
I was right.
The premise is amusing (at least to those for whom the presence of a
underage character in erotic fiction is not troublesome), but the
implementation, well... it reads as if Bart had written it his fourth-
grade, first-person self. Poor punctuation, ugly indentation, and lousy
grammar conspire to strip this story of whatever amusement value it may
have contained. Anyone who doubts the importance of these items in
erotic fiction is invited to compare the storylines you find in most
pocket "stroke novels" with the writing of, say, Michael K. Smith, or
Friar Dave.
Honestly, though, I can't say I think it would have had much arousal
value even cleaned up. It's certainly possible to accomplish that with
fictional characters -- a recent story concerning Capt. Janeway
masturbating on her ready room desk in full view of the bridge proves
this -- but, alas, this story is as flat as the characters it portrays.
I do hate to have to give a review this bad on my first time out of the
gate, but it's the nature of the job, I guess.
Athena (technical quality): 2 (he gets a point for his spelling)
Venus (characterization and plot): 2
Jake (appeal to reviewer): 1 (like American Bandstand, nothing
is completely bad...)
* "Gilligan Mashukah" by Richard Dunstan
richard.dunstan@indiefilm.com). Last week I reviewed Shelby
Bush's parody of "Gilligan's Island." I considered that to be one
of the best sitcom parodies ever posted on alt.sex.stories. This
one is not yet finished; but from what I have seen, it promises to
be very good. I'll do a full review of this story as soon as the
author finishes it. As the author points out in his introduction,
"Gilligan" displayed a surreal, nonsensical quality in that the
three single men on the show never lost complete control of
themselves while faced with the delectable feminine pulchritude of
Ginger and Mary Ann. For the show's audience, however, the
predicament of Mary Ann and Ginger fueled many an adolescent
sexual fantasy; and stories like this one will strike a resonant
chord in the mind of many a reader.
Ratings for "Gilligan Mashukah"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Box of Delights" by Orion (an284654@anon.penet.fi). This story
is being reposted through the THC library. The title refers not
to the box of delights that resides between a lady's legs, but
rather to a magic box with a red LED that flashes while the holder
of the box uses mental telepathy to control the people to whom he
wishes to direct his thoughts. The story is on this newsgroup
rather than, say, alt.world.salvation or alt.world.conquest
because the current holder of the box is a horny son of a bitch
with simple needs. After his first day with the box, two females
would arrive home with wet pussies, and one of them might wonder
why her anus felt as if it had been stretched. A red-headed shop-
assistant would wonder when the cold wind hit her cunt why her
panties were in her locker instead of on her body. A female bank
teller would have to explain the loss of a small amount of cash.
Over the next few days, a surprisingly large number of women would
feel an inexplicable urge to remove their panties and to bend over
a little further while performing life's mundane tasks.
An interesting twist that the author doesn't reveal until late in
the story is that he is required to give the magic box to whoever
sends the next good mind control story to this newsgroup. A major
problem, of course, is that since this is a repost, we don't
really know who has the box now or whether that conditional clause
was permanent and is still legally binding for the current holder.
So I don't know for sure whether you really can have the box by
writing a story. At any rate, the author will eventually lose the
box, and you might think he would therefore stop having his
telepathic jollies. Not so! He has employed a trick that
countless stage hypnotists have employed - the "trigger phrase".
He has pre-programmed most of the women in his neighborhood, and
when one of them hears the phrase a year or a decade or so after
the box is gone, she will at that time obey every order - just as
if she was under the direct influence of the Box. However, I'm
pretty sure the box doesn't work on reviewers.
Ratings for "Box of Delights
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9