Celestial Reviews 203 - July 30, 1997
Note: After my note about spam, I received some information that
describes how to use killfiles. I don't know how to use these
myself, but I am repeating the information here for those who do:
My correspondent says that the following lines seem to be pretty
effective at getting all the spam without losing any stories.
/^Lines: [1-6][0-9]$/h:j=
/^Lines: [1-9]$/h:j=
These get rid of any posts with less than 70 lines. The cutoff is
easy to adjust. As an added bonus, you see the subject of all the
posts being killed; so if you see something that looks like a
story, you can go check it out. He says these two lines alone are
_phenomonally_ effective.
/: .*jpg.*/:j
/: .*FREE.*/:j
/: .*htm.*/:j
/: .*porn.*/:j
/: .*http.*/:j
/: .*XXX.*/:j
The above lines filter out words that spammers like to put in
their titles.
/^Subject:[A-Z0-9 \*\-\=\!\@][A-Z0-9 \*\-\=\!\@][A-Z0-9
\:\!\*\-\=\.\,\/\\\&\(\)\$\@]*..[A-Z0-9 \!\*\-\=\@]...[A-Z0-9
\!\*\-\=\?\)\$\@]$/c:j=
/.*,.*,.*,.*,.*/Hnewsgroups:J=
The preceding two lines kill all posts with subjects that are all
caps (or symbols) and at least 9 characters long, and anything
posted to more than 4 newsgroups (again, easy to adjust the
cutoff). These two are actually nice to put in a global killfile
so they work on all newsgroups you read.
I don't think AOL even permits the use of these killfiles. If I
am wrong, I would appreciate being informed.
Second note: I am also discovering that posting zipped files
doesn't do much good and does a lot of harm. Unless the people
who are sending me information are incorrect, posting zipped files
is very much like posting spam. The main problem seems to be that
these files are in binary format, and binaries are simply not
supposed to be posted on Usenet newsgroups. They are a violation
of the terms of agreement. Many ISPs will cancel newsgroups where
too many people post binary files. This itself seems to be a
compelling reason to avoid posting zipped files. The simple fact
is that they backfire and result in readers being able to find
fewer rather than more good stories - even if the poster intends
to accomplish the opposite. {Note that SENDING zipped files - as
from one reader to another by e-mail may actually make sense. I
am concerned here solely with the problem of posting these files
on our newsgroups.}
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Soft Ball or My Best Position" by Taria (shower sex)
10, 10, 10
"Topless Dancer" by Mike Hunt (mostly voyeurism)
10, 10, 10
"The Sarabande and the Six Iron" by Mat Twassel (teenage
odyssey) 10, 10, 10
"Lost Love" by John Dark (wife watching) 10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Sheila's Wish" by Pussy Barber (sex club story)
8, 7, 8
"Grocery Day" by Geoff Adams (incest) 8.5, 9.5, 8.5
"Ironic" by Hawk Richards (probably satire)
"Susan's Story" by Bea Fischl (gym sex) 6, 5, 4
"Starry, Starry Night by Powerguy (outdoor sex) 10, 10, 10
"Dreamland" by DaTurnOn (dreamlike sex) 10, 10, 10
"Southern Hospitality" by Rhett Dreams (romance)
10, 10, 10
Reposted Reviews (because the stories have recently been
reposted):
* "Dick Van Dyke Show" by Shelby Bush (sitcom parody)
10, 10, 10
* "Whitewash" by Tom Bombadil (blackmail & sex slavery)
9.5, 9, 8
* "Unholy Lust" by Unknown Author (hedonistic orgies)
8, 6, 5
* "Caesar" by Unknown Author (bestiality) 9, 7, 7
* "Tie Fighter" by Walter Slaven (sci fi and hot sex)
10, 10, 10
"Soft Ball or My Best Position" by Taria (Taria29c@aol.com).
Guest review by Cellist. Neither Fiddler nor Piper were available
for this review, so Celeste turned it over to me, Cellist. The
story is about a sexy young lady who plays second-base on a coed
softball team. I have played second bass in the past, but now I
play cello.
The story takes place in the romantic environment of a sweaty
softball game. One day a sorta cute guy shows up as a substitute,
but he wants to play second base, which position is already taken
by the narrator, as I have said. His name is Mike Hunter, but
with some modification of the name he hopes some day to become a
short story writer of sorts. I guess I should stop beating around
the bush and come out and say it: this is a parody of a Mike Hunt
sex story. As a result of some incredible coincidences Mike and
the young female baseball enthusiast have to shower together; and
as fate would have it, they fuck their mutual brains out.
Fuck! Now there's an interesting word. It's a word redolent of
baseball imagery. That's why Taria chose this scenario for her
story. In a story about softball this word and its immediate
derivatives can express any of the following:
Greetings How the fuck are you?
Immensity Look at the size of that mother on first base.
{fucker understood}
Insignificance That little fucker can't hit for shit.
Dismay Safe? The fuck he was!
Trouble Well, I guess we're fucked now.
Aggression Fuck you! {brings automatic ejection and a
fine}.
Safety Don't fuck with the big mother on first base.
Disgust Fucking Celeste! This review is stupid!
Confusion Where the fuck is the ball?
Synonym for "very" This story is fucking good.
Difficulty I don't understand this fucking game.
Despair "Fucked Again by Celeste" by Mike Hunt.
Argumentation You goddam motherfucking son-of-a-bitch
cocksucker! {And I don't like you either!}
Fraud I got fucked by the umpire on the third
strike.
Incompetence The umpire fucked up again.
Distraction He was fucking with a fan behind the dugout.
Displeasure What the fuck is going on here?
Disbelief That was an unbefuckinglieveable call!
Disbelief, dismay, confusion, etc. Fuck! What's my wife
doing in this bar?
Inevitable defeat We're fucked! {because the other team is
fucking good!}
Retaliation Up your fucking ass! {automatic ejection and
fine}.
Paradoxical impossibility The umpire can go fuck himself!
{But how?}
Telling time The game didn't start till 8-fucking-o'clock.
Physics I can't hit the fucking curve ball.
Maternal instinct-- Goddam motherfucker! {automatic ejection
and fine}.
Sexuality Holy fuck! Where did you learn to do that?
Taria's best use of the F-word is her double-entendre reference to
Mr. Hunter as a "pretty sneaky fuck." On the downside, her most
serious faux pas was saying that Mike gave her cunt the two-finger
Boy Scout salute: the Boy Scout use three fingers - ask a girl
scout (obviously, because their salute is with three fingers
also.) Taria doesn't write quite like Mike Hunt, but who does?
This is both an excellent parody and a superb story in its own
right.
Ratings for "Soft Ball"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Topless Dancer" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com). This story leaves
us in the rather odd position of having the best Mike Hunt story
of the week written by somebody other than Mike Hunt. This is
still a very good story - just not quite up to Mike's high level
of excellence. I guess maybe Mike is just having a little trouble
keeping it up.
In this week's episode, Mike is experiencing writer's block. He
leaves his wonderful wife June at home and sneaks off to the local
topless bar, where he watches an endless parade of sexy women with
exotic names and then develops a special pay-per-view relationship
with a lass with the more mundane name of Gretchen. He finds this
relationship to paradoxically fulfilling yet unfulfilling - you'll
have to read the story to find out why.
Maybe my problem is that I like June too much to see her
mistreated, even slightly.
Ratings for "Topless Dancer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Sarabande and the Six Iron" by Mat Twassel
(Mmtwassel@aol.com). In classical music the sarabande is a slow,
stately part of a suite, often following a courante. A six iron
is something that golfers use - between a five iron and a seven
iron, I suppose.
"You can't practice piano forever. Sometimes you have to pee."
That introductory line is much more creative than, "It was a dark
and stormy night." That line also represents a recurrent theme:
later on we find out that you can't drive forever either:
sometimes you have to pee.
However, this is not a watersport story. Rather, this story
describes a brief part of the odyssey of the beautiful, young, and
talented Tammy Jondelle and Milton Cumbee, a quiet, black sixteen-
year-old who thinks deep thoughts but says he doesn't like music,
as they travel from Tammy's southside apartment in Who Knows Where
to somewhere in Omaha. I guess I forgot to mention that Tammy is
wearing no panties, because she left them on the roof of Milton's
truck along with the cactus box because the roof was so hot that
it burned her feet after she jumped onto it when Milton asked her
for help while she was trying to masturbate after taking a pee
because you have to do that sometimes, which is why you can't
practice the piano forever, which is a recurring theme in this
story.
You really should read this story yourself. This author is one of
those people who think that sexuality is more charming and
enticing if it remains quietly in the background. This was a very
nice, gently sexy story.
Ratings "The Sarabande and the Six Iron"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Lost Love" by John Dark (john_dark@anon.nymserver.com). It seems
that when I held my Second Third Annual Celestial Short Story
Contest, I not only held a contest, I also helped establish a
literary genre - the 500-word story with an unusual twist. This
one is this author's third "entry." All three have arrived after
the contest was over, and all three have been very good.
I have labeled this one "wife watching," because that's what the
author wants you to think it is. You don't find out what the
story is really about until the last five lines. My advice to you
is to let yourself be fooled: imagine it's a wife-watching story,
and enjoy the surprise ending. What I like about these stories is
that after the surprise I can look back and say, "Oh, yeah! That
makes sense."
Ratings "Lost Love"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Sheila's Wish," by Pussy Barber (Kristen's collection). Guest
Review by Anne747 (My last review was done under the name of MsV,
but I've decided to come out <grin>.)
I often think that mood affects the enjoyment of a story so much.
When I first looked at this piece, it really didn't catch my
attention. If Celeste hadn't asked me to review it, well, I
likely would have just moved on to something else. I put it aside
and decided to come back to it later, and I'm glad I did.
The story follows a brief period in a Downunder `nookie club' -
the author's words. I feel incredibly naive, since I have no idea
if there is a Canadian (my home turf) equivalent. I have heard of
such places in the Netherlands, and I'm sure more of them exist
than we think. The action is fast, furious, and in the right
mood, quite captivating.
I did have a few problems with it though. The introduction is too
fast for my tastes. I really do prefer a little more set-up. I
want to know what brings at least the main character to the club.
(I heard a comment the other day that often men drag their wives
to these places the first time, but the next time it is the
opposite!) I have a feeling the purpose of this brevity was to
try to capture the mood right from the beginning of the story.
Some scenes are very detailed, while others seem to be skipped
over (there is reference to fun in the shower, but no details). I
have a feeling that this would end up being a much longer piece,
however, if some of these things were expanded.
Before I write a novel as a review, two final comments. I know
I'll have to watch my next piece too - but all these guys have
huge cocks, and the women end up covered in cum (sorry, just too
unrealistic). Also, maybe it's me, but I tend to find words like
slut and cunt just ever so slightly grating on my nerves when I
read them in stories. The author seems to think these are simply
appropriate words to connote some sort of spontaneous sexiness,
but most readers are likely to attach at least a slightly
derogatory tone to them. In fact, many readers will assume that
the author is using the word to indicate an utter lack of respect
for the person to whom the words refer. This underlying
connotation is not necessary. For me, the action would have been
hotter using just slightly different wording.
On reading back, this looks like a negative review; but it's
really not. With some changes and a little more care this could
be a great story.
Ratings for "Sheila's Wish"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Grocery Day" by Geoff Adams (gadams@istar.com). Guest Review by
Sven the Elder.
Maybe it was because my sisters were all much younger and I had
left home before they had reached an 'interesting stage'.
Whatever! I must hold up a hand and plead guilty to the odd
'ferret' around my parents' room - very naughty, but I guess a lot
of us did. This is a gentle example of the "incest" genre. I
won't say too much, but I think that this tale avoids pedophilia,
which I don't either personally enjoy or think is a good idea.
But as I was saying to the wife's sister in bed the other day,
'Vice is nice, but incest is best.'
One or two lines come close to being Celestial cliches - sorry -
credulous assumptions, but otherwise the story is enjoyable.
Minor point, Geoff: crank up the spell checker; I noticed only one
or two errors, but for this guest reviewer they tended to spoil
the effect that you otherwise do a nice job of achieving.
Ratings for "Grocery Day"
Technical quality: 8.5
Plot & character: 9.5
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 8.5
"Ironic" by Hawk Richards (heminway@epix.net). Guest Review by
Friar Dave.
"The tragic gray rain swept the crisp frozen landscape."
My first reaction to reading that lead -- especially given the
title of the work -- was to guess that I was in for some chuckles.
Obviously, I thought, Hawk Richards is having some fun with us,
doing an a.s.s. version of the winners of the "It Was a Dark and
Stormy Night" contest.
The problem with such things is that if they are not done really
well, they don't just crash and burn -- they augur in. And doing
them really well means they must be pretty damn close to 100
percent recognizable as what they are: takeoffs.
I'll dispense with any semblance of plot synopsis; all I can say
with certainty, after three readings, is that the protagonist is,
er, introspective and wants to screw a nurse while he's in the
hospital.
The tale meanders; the main character is unrevealed and never
develops, and no possible conflict in the story is every resolved,
and -- to be quite blunt -- I didn't care.
Hawk's spelling and punctuation are just good enough to make me
wonder if the little lapses might be purposeful, for flavor. If
so, I missed it. And it's entirely possible that this tale is a
spoof on something truly popular of late in the cinema or print --
something with which I am unfamiliar, so everyone is going to get
this immediately and love it...except me. And the main reason I
think that's terribly possible is that I have managed to avoid
seeing "The English Patient," in which a young Hemingway (note
Hawk's email address) has a Thing for his nurse in the hospital.
The carefully Bad Hemingway writing style of this (There is -- for
real -- a competition each year for the best Bad Hemingway
imitation.) along with the title gives me a heavy-handed clue.
Again -- zillions of netizens may read this and clap their hands
and shriek, "Yes! 'The English Patient'! How droll!" If that is,
indeed, what Hawk is doing here.
But those who have not seen this filmed tale get hung out to dry.
And that is our loss, because if Hawk was spoofing that motion
picture, he may well be doing a superb job -- but in Croatian,
which some of us do not speak.
I won't rate this. I will say that it's disturbingly intriguing
and -- assuming Hawk was purposefully writing Bad Hemingway in an
intentional spoof -- very promising. Because one of two situations
applies here:
Either Hawk Richards is one helluva good writer willing to take
chances, or he was deadly serious about this story, meaning it as
a serious, expository tale.
I'm hoping -- even betting -- that he meant it as a spoof that
didn't work for ME because I'm unfamiliar with the cultural icon
that is its base. I'm hoping -- even betting -- that he wasn't
trying to write Literature, but having fun. And that in this way -
- and this way alone -- he was deadly Earnest.
It's a short bit of reading, complex, compressed and congenial. No
really big words to challenge you, but lots of good, short words
put together in interesting and sometimes thought-provoking ways.
Do read it and form your own opinions and post them in a.s.s.d.
A note: If it seems I am being unduly harsh, consider perspective.
In my humble opinion, Hawk Richards shows every sign of being of
being an extremely talented, thoughtful and -- most important! --
entertaining writer. My "harshness" is an expression of
disappointment, at least as much as criticism. This person could -
- again: IMHO -- be so damned good as to be frightening. I'd like
to see what happens when "Hawk" just kicks back and tells a story.
My suspicion is that someone with this much raw talent and the
guts to take chances -- even hidden behind a handle -- is not long
for a.s.s. or any other no-charge forum; this is someone who could
-- and should -- be paid to write.
But not stories like "Ironic."
More than this Friar sayeth not.
"Susan's Story" by Bea Fischl (BF4play@aol.com). Guest review by
Taria.
Bea is at the gym, presumably to keep her 5'7" 120-lb. 34C-24-34
frame in decent shape. As she commences a satisfyingly sweaty
workout, she makes electric eye contact with Susan at the next-
door bench press apparatus. Bea describes Susan as follows:
"From a distance, people always thought Susan was attractive. She
had a shapely body but also a somewhat solid, muscular build.
Close up, her face was pretty but not beautiful in a classic
sense. Her sassy green eyes were most penetrating, as if she could
stare down anyone who might dare her. She was a tomboy in some
ways and hardly a slave to fashion - she loved to wear hole-in-
the-knee jeans, gaudy tee shirts and large, revealing tank top
tees."
How could Bea resist the blandishments of such a spectacular
vision? And why should she want to? Needless to say, oodles of
fun times ensue, ranging from a steamy encounter in the gym's
locker room to a juicy hot tub scene. Of course, any story which
ends "Bi For Now!" could not stop there, so Bea's delectable actor
boyfriend Bobby arrives mid-story to complicate matters. A good
time is had by all, even Sapphic Susan, who begins to reconsider
her apparently unfounded biases against men with penises.
Bea's introduction of Susan basically encapsulates what's wrong
with "Susan's Story." There are stylistic problems, especially
overwriting. Does anyone really have a "billowy mound of pubic
hair"? And "fluffy," no less? I've had some nifty orgasms, but
rarely have I described cumming "in a giddying gush of hot magma."
Cliches abound in the form of "perky" breasts (aren't they all?),
"engorged" and "erect" clitorises (fun in theory, but has anyone
really ever seen a visible 'clit-on'?), and copious floods of
female fluids.
But the most jarring problem is the story's inconsistencies.
Susan's tee-shirt "tightly grips" her breasts (a neat trick, by
the way); moments later "her points" are "poking through the thin
fabric of her loose tee shirt." Susan is a confident lesbian who
destroys flirty gym guys; but at Bea's house she's a stammering,
blushing, frightened schoolgirl when faced with Bobby's
testosterone-y masculinity. The story's viewpoint shifts
constantly, from Bea's narrator perspective to objective
observation to Susan's inner thoughts. And because the characters
are painstakingly described but never real, it's tough to get
deeply involved with any of them.
Bea worked hard writing "Susan's Story." Unfortunately, that is
probably its chief drawback. It did little to get my juices
flowing, and as such gets only a lukewarm recommendation.
Ratings for "Susan's Story"
Spike (technical quality): 6
Woody (plot & character): 5
Denzel (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Starry Starry Night" by Powerguy (powerguy@worldnet.att.net)
Guest review by Paddy Toute.
This is my first guest review for Celeste, to whom I am grateful
for allowing me this opportunity.
I tried hard, I really tried to be a good critic and find
something wrong with this story, but I really struggled and
ultimately failed. The problem, I suppose, is that I thought it
was simply a very good story; not particularly diverse, and simple
up to a point, but very well written, with some excellent
descriptive writing and nice scene-painting. The writer asks us at
one stage if we have ever been in the desert at night, far away
from a big city. I certainly haven't, but this writer made me feel
just for an instant that I had been.
Taken down to its bare bones, it's simply a story of two people
who get the hots for each other and make love outdoors under a
starry sky in the desert. However, it really is much more than
that. I commend it to all fans of m/f sex, of what I (in my
peculiar British way) would call "meat & two veg. sex". If you
want an explanation of that, I suggest you contact BronwenSM,
whose usage of British slang in her writing is a source of endless
pleasure and amusement to this Limey.
What's that? You think I ought to at least try and criticize
instead of just fawn? Oh, all right then, I thought the ending of
the story was a bit corny. OK? But it didn't detract from what I
thought was a great story.
Ratings for "Starry Starry Night"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Paddy (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Dreamland," by DaTurnOn (Almond423@aol.com). Guest review by
Stubby.
DaTurnOn is new to ass/assm. (She is a young woman who gives some
autobiographical details in a separate "personal" post about
herself that can be found by doing an author search on DejaNews.)
"Dreamland" is a short poetic reverie that opens "dreamt you were
in my room last night" and goes on via "slowly you slid my clothes
from me ... untyin' my ribbons ... leaving me with nothin'" to a
lovely and arousing retelling of an intense romantic encounter
that includes a little consensual bondage and a convincing account
of a woman's enjoying anal intercourse despite initial fears - and
then returning to dreamland. I'll look forward to more from
DaTurnOn.
Ratings for "Dreamland"
Form: 10
Literary Value: 10
Turn-on Quotient (purely subjective): 10
"Southern Hospitality" by Rhett Dreams (Rhettxxoo@aol.com). Guest
review by Purple Shade.
From the time twenty-five year old Bethany Albert is pulled over
on a Mississippi road by County Sheriff Paul Trent, until the
stories conclusion some 45,000 words later, the reader is
enthralled in a crime and sex drama involving, murder, rape, white
slavery, auto theft and political incorrectness.
At first glance, the sheer size of this particular story might
make the average reader pause, but I implore you to take the time
and read it. Involving elements of the two novels "Red Dragon"
and "Silence of the Lambs." by Thomas Harris, this story would
make a great paperback in its own right. This is an example of
the finest kind of erotic story -- one which you would still be
interested in reading if you cut out all the sex parts. What's
left is a damn fine story. Definitely destined to be one of the
year's best.
Ratings for "Southern Hospitality" (Added by Celeste)
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* Dick Van Dyke Show" by Shelby Bush (stbush@iglou.com). This
author recently posted segment one of two of "Bewitched," the two
segments forming part three of a three-part crossover story, the
first two parts being "The Munsters" and "The Addams Family",
respectively. Since I prefer to review stories when they're
finished (especially when the posting is the penultimate segment
of a three-part crossover story), I decided to set this
story/segment aside and reward the author by reviewing his
previously written "Dick Van Dyke Show," which has recently been
reposted on alt.sex.stories.
A correspondent has recently taken me to task for confusing a
parody with a pastiche. The difference is that a parody is meant
to satirize the original work, whereas a pastiche deals more
seriously with working out the implications of changing the basic
assumptions of the original (as by letting Rob and Laura have sex,
which could never have happened on the original show). The
distinction becomes nebulous when both the original and new work
are humorous. I think the author considers the Porno TV series to
be examples of pastiche; but since I usually laugh so hard when I
read his stories and since people are more familiar with the term
parody, I am going to continue to refer to these stories as
parodies. Imagine that!
The present story employs the episodic structure of the original
show. When critics talk about the evolution of sex on television,
they often cite the fact that Rob and Laura always slept fully
clothed in separate beds. In the first sequence Rob and Laura
break that stereotype. The only similarity with the original show
is that after they both come, Laura (Mary Tyler Moore) sighs, "Oh,
Rob!"
The main plot consists of Rob, Buddy, and Sally developing a
script for the Alan Brady Show on which Gina Broccilucci will be
the guest star. While working on the script, they hang out the
"Do Not Disturb" sign and take a horny break. Then, as research
for the show, Rob takes Laura to see one of Ms. Broccilucci's
movies, "The Bondage of Brenda"; and Laura naively thinks that
maybe it's going to rain because so many of the men in the theater
are wearing rain coats.
And so it goes. We discover Mel's monster cock. Laura and Millie
exchange intimate pleasantries. Rob consults with Gina
Broccilucci about the script. We even have a surprise ending that
suggests why the Broccilucci script was never aired.
The plot is actually not all that sexy, but I thoroughly enjoyed
imagining the TV characters performing the acts described in this
little pastiche.
Ratings for "Dick Van Dyke Show"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Whitewash" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). Jane and her
husband have fallen on hard times financially. She has padded
expense accounts to make ends meet. But now the boss has found
out, and it's time to pay the piper. In his prologue this author
states that he was trying to imitate Deirdre's style with this
story. Now, if you're ever a character in a Deirdre-style story
and somebody asks you to promise to do without question everything
he says, remember to "just say no," unless the idea of sex slavery
sounds attractive to you. In the context of the present Writing
Contest, an _acerbic_ "No way, Jose!" might be in order. In
preparation for the Fourth Writing contest, Jane is more amenable
to persuasion. So anyway, our fallen heroine, overcome by
blackmail, submits to the evil intentions of Dick Small. That's
right, Dick Small.
Jane concludes that if she has no choice in the matter she might
as well enjoy the coercive sex with her boss and with Cindy
Darling, whom the boss imposes on her. And so she does begin to
enjoy it. An unexpected benefit of the sexual slavery with the
boss is an amazing amelioration of her sex life with her husband.
Jane also develops a close relationship with Cindy. The story has
a bit of a surprise ending; so I don't want to tell you any more
about the plot.
This was a good story, but in comparison to some of the other
contest entries, the plot developed too slowly. In fact, the plot
is not nearly as well developed and to the point as was this
author's "Chosen," which I reviewed last week.
Ratings for "Whitewash"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Unholy Lust" by Unknown Author. This is another one of the
rather lengthy postings by TheEditor. Julie is an artist who
wants her art displayed in a prominent gallery. She discovers
that the only way to accomplish her goal is to have sex with the
owner. But then she finds some younger guys with bigger cocks and
has great sex with them too. Then she comes home and catches her
husband involved in an orgy. At first she's upset, but after the
husband and almost everyone present gang rape her, Julie feels no
anger in her heart, because she realizes that she has been so
involved in her own artistic career that she has sadly neglected
her husband. She doesn't blame him at all for the orgy, and she
is happy she has learned a truly meaningful lesson. {Barf!!}
I'm sorry; but this really is a stupid plot. If you believe that
sex is good only when women are good sexual toys, then you might
like this story. Otherwise, it's silly. The sex occasionally
borders on being hot, but it's not nearly as good as that in the
other two stories posted by TheEditor which I have reviewed here.
Let me add a final comment about these stories. One of my
correspondents has carefully documented that these are stories
that have been previously published in paperback format. Someone
(possibly TheEditor) has scanned them into a computer for
distribution to this newsgroup. This is obviously a violation of
the copyright of the original author(s). Many readers will
respond by saying, "So what? Who cares where it comes from, as
long as it's a good story?" The point is that this IS a violation
of copyright law, even if it is not being enforced in this case.
It is my understanding that readers are not violating the law by
downloading these stories, but people who repost these stories or
store them in archives where they can be accessed by others might
be subject to prosecution, if the owner of the copyright would
choose to pursue the issue.
My personal dilemma is what to do with the stories. They're
actually pretty good stories, and my readers have a right to know
that. My decision has been to go ahead and review them and simply
add the preceding paragraph as a caution to my readers. In
addition, it is worth noting that the stories have imperfections
that have been added by the scanning and dissemination processes.
For example, the stories contain numerous typographical errors of
the type that often occur when smudged text is scanned (e.g.,
"win" for "will"). In addition, in some cases (e.g., "Caesar,"
cited above), TheEditor or someone else seems to have arbitrarily
truncated or otherwise altered the stories. Under these
circumstances it is difficult to determine the quality of the
original story. My decision has been to evaluate the stories as
they actually appear on a.s.s.
My own experience with erotic literature is limited to what I have
read and learned in the past year and a half. If anyone
recognizes any of these stories, I would like to know the original
titles and authors. I am particularly interested in knowing more
about "Caesar," since I am convinced that it is a good story, and
I would like to find the whole thing.
Ratings for "Unholy Lust"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
* "Caesar" by Unknown Author. This is one of the rather lengthy
postings by TheEditor. As I'll discuss below, this person
apparently has scanned into a computer a number of full-length
books and has posted these on this newsgroup. This story is built
around the sexual mystique of a large german shepherd who has
super-human qualities that have enabled him to live for at least
2000 years. Needless to say, Caesar shows no inclination to
restrict his sexual interests to other dogs. The basic plot is
that the men-folk are out trying to kill the wild dogs, while
Caesar is either raping or making love to the woman-folk.
In many respects this is an extremely well-written story; but the
plot just stops with the words "The End." It is my theory that
the person who posted this story scanned it from a published
paperback and then simply ended it when he felt the story was
getting too long. I cannot imagine that an author could write
specific episodes so well and develop a plot so skillfully and yet
lack the insight to know that the entire story makes no more sense
than a segment of a typical soap opera yanked out of context.
There are simply too many ideas that were started but not brought
to fruition and too many unanswered questions at the end of this
story. I appreciate the fact that TheEditor put "The End" after
the final line of this story - otherwise I would have assumed that
I should have gone back to DejaNews and look for the rest of the
story, when in fact this is all there is.
This is a difficult story to rate. I normally don't enjoy
bestiality stories, but this one caught my interest; and that's
the mark of a good story. But after it caught my interest, the
story just stopped, which is the mark of a really bad story. Go
figure!
Ratings for "Caesar"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
* "Tie Fighter" by Walter Slaven (walters@ix.netcom.com). This
story is an addition to the Star Wars saga - told from the
perspective of a tie fighter captain - that is, from the
perspective of one of the enemies of Luke and Han and Leia. As I
said in an earlier review, this is a well written, enthralling
story, well worth downloading and reading - if you enjoy a heavy
dose of action, adventure, and science fiction with your sex. The
sex is exotic and hot, but it's almost a stretch to call this a
sex story. I would describe it more accurately as real good
science fiction that incorporates sexual activity as a natural
part of the story line. At the present time the author has posted
five lengthy chapters; and I cannnot predict how many more are yet
to come.
The author has obviously given careful thought to the plot and has
taken pains to make it a reasonable extension of the original Star
Wars trilogy. As an adult watching Star Wars with my children, I
remember being amused to think that the evil Darth Vader and his
cronies would capture Princess Leia and treat her like a princess
while they held her in captivity. The Bad Guys would blow up an
entire planet to make her talk; but they wouldn't think of
deflowering the virgin princess. In the present chapter we hear
J'Una recount (with appropriate disgust) a more realistic version
of what happened to Princess Leia. Before all you perverts rush
to your word processors and start searching for "Leia" so that you
can find the "good parts," I should add that while the violence
against Leia is described realistically, it is not graphic or
titillating. On the other hand, the hot, consensual sex among the
protagonists IS often graphic and titillating. I like that focus.
As the story has progressed, the personalities of the major
characters have begun to evolve. We discover that things are not
dichotomized into black and white in the Empire - we see shades of
gray and many other colors. The Tie Fighter pilots and even
higher ranking officials like J'Una actually have consciences and
wonder whether they might be making a mistake to slavishly
implement the will of the emperor. In many ways Vel, Kao, and
J'Una resemble American soldiers in Vietnam, who began to question
their country's actions when they witnessed some of the atrocities
committed in the name of "freedom," even while they continued to
perform their duties faithfully and professionally.
As in earlier chapters, the protagonists continue to have raucous
sex, and the threesome action with Vel, J'Una, and Kao in chapter
5 is especially hot. But we see emotional attachments as well.
In addition, midway through chapter 5 we learn that the Empire is
rife with political dissent. Toward the end of chapter 5 this
dissent and these emotions start to combine to lead to the
eventual resolution of the plot. All these elements make the
story more complex and more worthwhile.
I think if I had my choice, I would just wait until this entire
story was finished and then download and read it. It really is a
little confusing to relate, for example, the events in chapter 5
to something that I read three months ago in chapter 2. (However,
the author does conscientiously offer appropriate cross references
to earlier chapters.) Normally, when I read or watch a story, I
do so in one sitting or at least as quickly as possible. Having
to wait adds inconvenience and confusion; but that's just the way
authors work on a.s.s. (Incidentally, this is also the way
Charles Dickens published most of his major novels. No, he didn't
post them on a.s.s.; but he did serialize them in the London
newspaper.) I'm getting the story for free; so who am I to
complain? If you haven't downloaded this story yet, I encourage
you to do so.
Ratings for "Tie Fighter"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10