Celestial Reviews 194 - June 28, 1997
Note: What is this world coming to? In CR 191 I used the term "animal
magnitude." I obviously meant "animal magnetism." Hello! Is anybody
home? Usually I get a bag of fan male and Grammaticus writes me a poem
when I make a gaff like that. Doesn't anyone love me anymore?
Second note: Don't bother writing. I know how to spell fan mail. I
just thought "fan male" was an interesting concept and might get your
attention in that context.
Third note: In the past my free proofreading service has been quite
helpful to some authors. However, many of the e-mail addresses in my
file are out of date. If you are still interested in helping out by
reading and commenting on stories before authors post them, please
contact me and give me your current e-mail address. I promise not to do
anything improper with this information.
Fourth note: What ARE some good ways to post anonymously nowadays.
People ask me this question, and I honestly don't know the answer. An
advantage of AOL is that we are allowed five screen names, and I assure
my privacy by using Celeste801 for my Celestial Reviews and another for
more mundane activities. If someone sends me information on how to post
anonymously, I'll share it.
Fifth note: I once criticized the THC Archives for posting mediocre
stories. Maybe it's my imagination, but I think they have gotten better
lately. I think what really may be happening is that Tommy is reposting
both his same old stuff plus some new stuff, and the stories he has more
recently added - which include some of the ones that I've been reviewing
- are generally better.
Anyway, I discovered that Tommy is selling a CD-ROM with lots of stories
on it for $19.95. I mention this not to advertise his service, but to
pose a problem. Is it OK for a person or company to make a profit off
the stories of other people, when the original authors will receive no
compensation? I know of one very good author who decided to stop
posting stories here when she discovered that the Backdrop Club was
offering similar sets of stories (including some of her own) for sale.
Please do not crap on me for the following opinion. I do not sell
anyone's stories, and I do not intend to start doing so. I merely think
there is an issue that needs to be discussed, and this note may be the
best forum to start that discussion. My personal feeling is that it
does NOT bother me that someone would offer this service. Here are my
reasons:
(1) $19.95 is not an exorbitant price for a CD-ROM. I doubt that Tommy
can quit his day job and sell these stories instead. I think it is
legitimate to say that he is selling the SERVICE of bringing the stories
together, rather than accepting a royalty for something he has
published. However, I am also aware that American courts would not
accept this explanation if he performed this "service" by putting the
works of Danielle Steele and John Updike on CE-ROM.
(2) If Tommy sells 10,000 stories for $19.95 and divided the profits
among himself and the authors, the royalties to individual authors would
be negligible, even if he sold lots of copies and found a feasible way
to distribute these royalties.
(3) I think what Tommy is doing is different than publishing the
stories in a magazine. If, say, Penthouse or Playboy posted my reviews
without paying me, I'd sue them and win.
(4) I think Tommy himself is running a risk by trying to sell these
stories. I am not a lawyer, nor am I married to one (as you can easily
ascertain from the fact that I have a happy sex life with a normal human
being), nor do I even play a lawyer on TV; but it seems to me that if an
author sued Tommy for selling stories that he/she had copyrighted, that
person would win the lawsuit. The difference between Tommy and
Penthouse is that Penthouse makes enough money to be worth suing,
whereas Tommy does not. If Tommy ever becomes successful, he had better
watch his ass: the people whose stories he is selling know where he
lives.
(5) What I do object to is that Tommy often reposts stories that (a)
have the author's name removed or (b) are first or second chapters of
multi-part stories for which the later chapters cannot be located. I
doubt that Tommy actually removes the names of the authors - and in fact
I have noticed a trend with his more recent reposts to preserve the
names; but I think it is essential to give credit to the authors
whenever this is possible.
If others have comments, I would be happy to summarize them to some
extent in future issues of CR, or you can continue this discussion
amongst the spam on a.s.s.d.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Wet T-Shirt Contest" by Mike Hunt (elevator and phone sex)
10, 10, 10
"Number Four" by Jake (femdom) 10, 9, 8
"Between the Races" by Radioman (interracial sex) 10, 10, 10
"Miss-Placed" by Stephanie (futuristic TG sex in the Wild West)
10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Exchange Program" by Clint Quinn (sci fi sex) 10, 10, 10
"The Other Side" by Unknown Author (wife watching) 10, 7, 8
"Goldilocks" by Robert Mitchell (fairy tale sex) 10, 10, 10
Reposted Reviews (because the stories have recently been reposted):
* "Not Really Cheating" by Dave Schulte (mutual
masturbation) 10, 10, 10
* "Lynn" by Dirty Dawg (romance) 10, 10, 10
* "Once You're Rubbed" by Amy (Romance) 10, 8, 8
* "Once You're Rubbed by Amy" by Backrub (Romance) 10, 10, 10
"Wet T-Shirt Contest" by Mike Hunt (MrMike@aol.com). There are some
things that people just don't really think about. For example, the guy
that pours the water on the young ladies in a wet T-shirt contest has a
hard job. Not only is it hard, it's also difficult. He has to wet down
the right parts and only those parts of the contestants. This requires
technique. This requires savoir faire.
Which reminds me. Mike Hunt gets really pissed when my reviews are
funnier or sexier or more literate or all of the preceding than his
stories. I'll try to stop that, but it may be hard. Nevertheless,
since I've used a hard word - I mean a difficult or unusual phrase - I
think I had better explain what "savoir faire" means. My dictionary
defines the concept as "knowing just what to do in any situation; tact."
That defintion doesn't do the term justice. I can do better with a
series of examples:
If a Frenchman comes home and finds his wife in bed with another man and
says, 'Pardonnez moi!' that is ALMOST savoir faire.
If the same Frenchman instead says, 'Pardonnez moi. Continuez, s'il
vous plaŒt!' that's EVEN CLOSER to savoir faire.
But if the Frenchman says, 'Pardonnez moi. Continuez, s'il vous plaŒt!'
and then the other man - if he continuez, that IS savoir faire!
Anyway, savoire faire and gaucherie aside, Mike Hunt was assigned the
responsibility of wetting the T-shirts during the contest, and he was
working hard <literally> while he performed his chores.
I have a friend who used to be a priest. He once told me that he used
to put ice cubes into the baptismal water, because then the baby would
yell out in shock at the actual moment of baptism, and this would make
it sound like the devil was indisputably going out of the child.
Symbolism is wonderful. Mike Hunt likewise used ice cubes in his water
during the contest, also to bring out the devil, so to speak. Cold tits
are rich in symbolism.
Mike Hunt found that his job was easier if the girls cooperated. For
example, if they stuck their chests way forward, then it was easier to
keep the water on their tits where it belonged, rather than on their
hair or the floor.
Big problem. Contestant Number 3, a major character in this story, was
Francis from Phoenix, AZ. I guess people can spell their own names
anyway they want; but unless this is a TG story, Number 3 was probably
Frances. Sometimes people named Francis call themselves Fanny. That
name is in the punchline of a joke about St. Peter and ladies applying
for heaven, which was told to me by the priest with ice cubes to whom I
referred earlier in this review.
Well, as time went on, Mike Hunt got better and better at his job - I
suppose because he was working harder and harder. He became really
great at tit-watering. His main job during the contest was to bait the
crowd, and he quickly became a master at this task. There may already
be even more puns in this review than there are in the story itself, and
so I'll let you complete this one about being a master at baiting.
So you may think this is a story about strippers and voyeurism and such.
But it's not! It's mostly a combination elevator-sex and phone-sex
story. That's right. After the contest Mike Hunt gets stuck on a
crowded elevator with Francis, and the elevator gets stuck between
floors, and Francis's fanny (see above) gets stuck into Mike Hunt,
and.... Never mind, you can read the story yourself. I'll just tell
you the other joke.
So these three women have died and have arrived before the gates of
heaven, where St. Peter interviews them. {Peter could actually be a
funny name in this story, because some people refer to a dick as a
peter, but that's not relevant to this joke; so just assume that Peter
is really the name of the "person" who keeps a book of good and bad
deeds at the gate of heaven.
Q. Who keeps the book at the Gate of Heaven?
A. No. What is the name of the person who keeps the book at
the Gate of Heaven. Who is seated at the right hand of God.
For more of this nonsense, read my story "Virtuous Reality," which
includes an interview with Madonna and which I recently reposted on
a.s.s. and a.s.s.m.} Anyway, the first lady comes forward and St. Peter
says to her, "You were so selfish and avaricious that you were named
Penny. Depart to hell for all eternity." To the second lady St. Peter
says, "You were such an excessive and immoderate drinker of wine that
you were named Sherry. Depart to hell for all eternity." The third
woman just walks away. St. Peter says, "Where are you going?" She
replies, "Why bother? My name is Fanny."
Ratings for "Wet T-Shirt Contest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Number Four" by Jake (THC Archives). This is a short but clearly-
written story about a man who takes a submissive position and waits for
his mistress to come home and use him as a sextoy. She brings a friend,
and they use him briefly but well. I am not a bdsm enthusiast, and one
of the criteria by which I evaluate such stories is whether it conveys
any emotion to me as an outsider. This one may be effective for
insiders (bdsm aficionados), but it really didn't do much for me.
Ratings for "Number Four"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Between the Races" by Radioman. Jerry gets dragged off to an art show
by a friend. He doesn't really understand art; but he meets an artist
named Maleeka at the show, and they develop and intense and immediate
attraction to each other.
I have this egalitarian quirk that makes me think that people should
respect members of other races and treat them as equals. A lot of the
stories that are labeled "interracial" are not very egalitarian at all.
Usually there is a black guy with a monster cock and a white woman who
craves to be satisfied by this animal. They're not all that bad, but I
can often almost see the author leering at me through the lines of the
story.
This one is different. Jerry obviously gets off on the notion that this
lady is black, but it's not as if blackness is an oddity of some sort.
Likewise, Maleeka is obviously aware that Jerry is white, but it's not
as if she's merging with the master race by being allowed to have sex
with him. This is a really nice, intelligent story.
Ratings "Between the Races"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Miss-placed" by Stephanie (stephanie@nym.alias.net). Julian and Tony
live some time in the future, and they have decided to take their
vacation for two weeks at Dodge City, where androids recreate activities
from the American Wild West. In addition, a sophisticated form of
virtual reality enables the customers to project themselves into the
bodies of android replicas of themselves, thus giving them the chance to
experience the Wild West firsthand. As fate would have it, something
goes awry, and Julian finds himself placed inside the body of an
attractive female android. To be specific, he is inside the body of a
dancing girl - and dancing girls in the nineteenth century sometimes
moonlighted at a profession even older than dancing.
I'm sure there are bad TG stories on Usenet, but those that I have read
are almost always well written and extremely creative. This probably
has something to do with the authors whose work I select. Almost all TG
stories reflect on what a person might feel like if he (it's almost
always a man) suddenly changes his gender. It becomes necessary for him
to look at sexual activities from a different perspective. Guys who
used to be exploitive in their relationships with women have the
opportunity to find their tender side, and they eventually get the
opportunity to be on the receiving rather than the giving end of a
fucking relationship. This all happens in this story against a
background of both futuristic science fiction and an old-fashioned
cowboy story.
I found what I thought were some logical fallacies in this story. For
example, Julian goes an awful long time without food. I'm sure that if
you look closely, you'll find more. But don't bother. The "Back to the
Future" movies had major logical inconsistencies; but if I didn't look
too hard, I enjoyed those shows immensely. The same thing is true here.
Don't analyze too much: just read the story and enjoy it.
A more serious annoyance arose from the fact that the author posted this
story in serial fashion. This means that the author could not make
adjustments in earlier chapters when these became necessary because of
later plot developments. This also necessitated occasional summaries
that disrupted the logical progression of the story. For example, Part
8 begins with several paragraphs that review the action up to that
point. This information was necessary only because there had been a
time lag between the author's posting of the 7th and 8th parts; but
since I was reading the story consecutively, I did not need this
summary, and it was distracting. Finally, I wasn't as impressed with
the ending as I was with the rest of the story. I thought it was a bit
forced. I honestly believe that this sort of letdown is likely to
happen more often in serialized stories than when the author writes the
whole story before posting it.
However these shortcomings are minor. I supppose I just feel the urge
to lecture a really good author once in a while - kinda like the way I
like to tell my husband what he could have done better after he has
given me a really great rim job. This is a really creative story. Read
it and enjoy it - even if you're not a TG fan.
Ratings "Miss-Placed"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
The following is a Guest Review by Michael K. Smith, who frequently
contributes stories to this newsgroup.
"Exchange Program" by Clint Quinn (A+ Story). Classic science fiction is
a tough genre in which to cast believable murder mysteries and erotic
romances. (We're talking about "strange new worlds" here, not
cyberpunk.) Asimov managed mysteries and this author does a very
creditable job with erotica.
Alain has gotten fed up with academic politics on Earth and emigrates to
the idyllic pioneer planet of New Ontario (which leads me to suspect the
author is Canadian . . .). Just as he arrives at his destination, his
sister, Claudine, possessor of a legendary libido, is headed out to the
world of Welnaria for a month. Her Welnarian exchange is Kera, a
slightly modified human woman who appears to be an adolescent but is
actually an acutely formal forty-plus years of age. The Welnarians have
given up sex-for-pleasure in exchange for reproductive control; they now
assume themselves to be irretrievably "numbed," as Kera puts it. But we
know better, don't we?
Mr. Quinn has a very smooth style and succeeds in evoking the energetic,
liberated personality of a society made up largely of disgusted self-
exiles for whom Earth no longer offers opportunities. (Alain's new best
friend is Grigor, a Russian quantum- mechanic-turned-tractor-mechanic.)
He also handles semi-alien sex very nicely, . . . though I would like to
know just what Kera is saying when, in the throes of passion, she
exclaims "Oss novit capetla!"
The author also knows his grammar and can use a dictionary. He even
knows that "lay" is the proper past tense of the intransitive verb "to
lie" -- a knowledge I wish were shared by more posters. However, he
seems not to realize that in dialogue, only one item of punctuation is
needed to close a quote: A comma alone will do, but not a comma with a
period, exclamation, or question mark. (Really a minor error,
considering his obvious skill, but a reviewer has to find _something_ to
pick on.)
This is one of Ray Velez's reposted "A+ Stories," originally posted in
1995. DejaNews shows only one other (non-sf) erotic story posted by this
author, which is a shame; New Ontario is a promising setting for more
stories of this quality.
Ratings for "Exchange Program"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Smith (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Other Side" by Unknown Author (THC Archives). This is a "tommy"
repost, with original date of July 1995 attached, but no author given.
It follows a familiar basic plot - Wimp with small cock goes out looking
for Stud to fuck Wimp's Girl Friend while Wimp watches; GF tells Wimp
how much better Stud is (with "oh, ohh"s interspersed); and Wimp gets
off on all this. Here we have the basic elements in a brisk utilitarian
format - Wimp picks up Stud in bar in paragraph 1, GF is gasping at
Stud's cock size by para 6. There are two twists to the grand (or tired)
old plot here - this one is told from the point of view of Stud, not
Wimp; and Wimp doesn't just watch, but nibbles on GF while Stud is
fucking her which - ta-da! (or yuck) - creates some fleeting m/m
contact. The POV reversal doesn't really provide much of a twist, as
most of us guys can more readily imagine ourselves in the Stud role to
begin with - the challenge is to see what Wimp gets out of it. In
connection with the m/m: Stud has the capacity, common on a.s.s., for
eyeball measurement. He spots GF as about 5'5", and about 34B. But
interestingly he gives *more precise* estimates of Wimp's cock size. We
know what that means. Sex descriptions are trite, but with some
redeeming underlying lustiness.
Form: 10 (though badly formatted)
Literary Value: 7
Get-off Quotient (purely subjective): 8
The following review was written by Purple Shade, who has posted many
stories to this newsgroup under a different name:
"Goldilocks" by Robert Mitchell (zikzak23@nospamplease.com). Most of us
are familiar with the childhood classic, Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
This story of the same name by Robert Mitchell updates the classic to a
more adult level. Goldilocks, a much more adventurous 19 year old in
this version, finds herself lost in the forest after sneaking out of
her house to meet her boyfriend.
Luckily, she happens upon the home of family named Bear. The three
bears, Melissa (Momma Bear), Paul (Papa Bear) and Barry (Baby Bear) are
happy to invite her to share a dinner. She is surprised to discover
that Porridge was the main course -- Passion Porridge to be exact. The
effect of this unexpected treat should be obvious to anyone who's been
on this newsgroup more than two days.
Needless to say, the end result isn't the same as the version your
mother told you at bedtime. I found the story to be original and highly
entertaining and can recommend it highly.
Ratings for "Goldilocks" (Added by Celeste)
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Purple Passion (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Not Really Cheating" by Dave Schulte (THC Archives). This was one of
the first hundred or so stories that I reviewed in CR. A man and a
woman work together. Both of their spouses are too busy to satisfy them
sexually; yet each wants to remain faithful and monogamous. They become
aware of their mutual attraction to each other. They decide that since
infidelity involves actual sex, it wouldn't really be cheating if they
simply masturbated together; and so they do so. It's an interesting
idea, and the story is well written. Incidentally, in my own opinion,
this IS really cheating. In other words, I would consider myself to be
unfaithful to my husband if I needed a sexual fix and got it by
masturbating with a friend when my husband was too busy to satisfy me.
Infidelity involves the violation of a relationship, and what the story
describes is at least the beginning of the violation of a relationship.
No real moral lesson here - just a commentary on the title. It was
still an enjoyable story. By the way, in my morally acute mind, reading
stories on a.s.s. and fantasizing about them does NOT constitute a
violation of a relationship, even if Tammy Ng does write cynical letters
to the reviewer Now you know why I read twenty of these stories a week!
I had better talk to my husband.
Ratings for "Not Really Cheating"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Lynn" by Dirty Dawg (drambo@primenet.com). No offense to any of the
other authors, but at the time I first read it this was the BEST STORY I
had yet reviewed during my first six months of reviewing stories for
this newsgroup. It received my number 1 rating in my list of the Top 100
Stories of 1995.
After reading this story, I tracked down many other stories written by
this author (perhaps all of them). He has a distinctive style, and
there's a pattern to his stories. Almost always a guy screws up a
relationship and eventually redeems himself years later by coming to the
aid of the woman whom he has always loved deep down in his heart and
making sexy but tender love to her. If that sounds familiar, it's
because that basic plot is actually a combination of (1) typical TV and
movie romances plus (2) what you'd REALLY like the protagonists to do -
or what you assume in your perverted mind they do during the fade-outs.
If you like romance with your sex, read this story!
Ratings for "Lynn"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Once You're Rubbed" by Amy. This story has recently been reposted
from the THC Archives. The following story, which is based on this one,
is the better of the two; and I hope someone reposts it. I am reposting
my original reviews of both.
I vaguely remember seeing this story posted in a.s.s. As I recall, I
glanced at it, noticed it was unfinished, and decided not to bother to
download it. Big mistake! About an hour ago I received via e-mail a
copy of this story from Backrub, along with his official notification
that he intended to repost "Once You're Rubbed by Amy," which is a
follow-up to this story. Big break! So I read this story, and it's
excellent. It's basically a slow build-up for a big climax. It does a
beautiful job of expressing the magic and insecurity of first meetings,
of the beginnings of relationships. I found myself laughing and
recalling experiences from my own life. The build-up itself is not
devoid of sex; but its sexy in the sense that you just know something is
going to happen, because the chemistry is right to begin with and it
gets better as the story goes along. The only flaw with this story (and
it's a big one) is that it's unfinished. It just plain stops before the
climax. But Backrub solved that problem with the next story.
Ratings for "Once You're Rubbed "
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Once You're Rubbed by Amy" by Backrub. This story finishes the
previous story. In doing so, it retells the entire story from the man's
point of view. Since a massage plays a pivotal role in this story, it
is a story by Backrub about a backrub! I myself think the present story
can stand alone, even if readers have not seen the previous story; but
Backrub himself thinks that the two stories should be read together.
Backrub also wrote "Across the Catty Corner," a follow-up to Sue's
"Catty Corner." I reviewed those two stories in Celestial Reviews 9. I
truly believe that the Catty Corner Combination was better than this
set, but this is still an excellent, romantic, and sexy story.
Ratings for "Once You're Rubbed by Amy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
Grammar Tip of the Week: INDEFINITE PRONOUNS. An indefinite pronoun is
one that does not refer to a SPECIFIC person or thing. The most common
indefinite pronouns are ALL, ANY, ANYBODY, ANYONE, ANYTHING, EACH,
EITHER, EVERYBODY, EVERYONE, EVERYTHING, NEITHER, NOBODY, NONE, NO ONE,
SOME, SOMEBODY, SOMEONE, and SOMETHING. The reason these are worth
worrying about is that it makes a difference whether the indefinite
pronoun is singular or plural, since this will influence verb and
pronoun agreement.
Anyone with a live cock IS welcome to join me in the bedroom.
All the men with live cocks ARE welcome to join me in the
bedroom.
The good news is that it's usually possible to get these right, simply
because the right usage "sounds" correct. The even better news is that
even if you get these wrong, nobody except English teachers is likely to
notice or care. In other words, if in real life a man says to a woman,
"None of us are man enough to make you happy," you'll have a grammar
mistake; but she'd be much more likely to have noticed the problem had
you said, "We ain't got very big cocks."
It's still a good idea to write as perfectly as possible, and so I'll
now try to summarize the rules. In general, most of these indefinite
pronouns are singular. That is, they refer to a single person or thing.
SOMEBODY is going to get her brains fucked out tonight.
NOBODY is going to get her brains fucked out tonight.
ANYONE who sucks my cock is going to get her brains fucked
out tonight.
NEITHER of you is going to get her brains fucked out tonight.
The main exceptions are ALL, ANY, SOME, and NONE. These words are
sometimes singular and sometimes plural, depending on the context in
which they are used.
Each of these words is singular when it refers to a continuous quantity
of something. (This usage sounds complicated, but it's easy, as the
following examples show.)
None of the cum WAS left in my hair after I showered.
According to our prenuptial agreement, none of the money
that I earned by selling my body BELONGS to you.
Some of the cum WAS still left in my hair after I showered.
According to our prenuptial agreement, any of the money
that I earned by selling my body BELONGS to you.
According to our prenuptial agreement, all of the money
that I earned by selling my body BELONGS to you.
Except in the case cited above ALL and SOME are always plural.
Some of you guys ARE going to have to wait till have lunch
to lick my pussy.
All the guys I have ever made love to ARE cumming at the
reunion.
That leaves the two hard ones: NONE and ANY.
The correct usage of NONE is a bit complicated; but if you think it over
carefully, you can usually get it right. NONE usually means "no single
one" or "not even one." When the word is used in this sense, it takes
singular verbs and pronouns.
None of the men HAS offered to let his wife join the orgy.
None of you IS man enough to make me really happy.
NONE is also singular when it means "no amount of" or "no part of," when
the speaker is referring to a continuous quantity of something. This
usage was described above.
Use a plural verb and pronouns wit NONE only if the sense is "not any"
when several are expected - that is, when NONE means "no number of
persons or things."
None of the slaves agree on the best way to lick
their queen's pussy.
This can be very useful information. If each of the following speakers
is using grammar correctly, the listener would in one case be discussing
an orgy (or at least several successive partners) and in the other a
tryst with a single individual.
None of you is going to sleep with me tonight. (single individual)
None of you are going to sleep with me tonight. (potential orgy)
To put it another way:
None of you IS man enough to make me really happy. (single
individual)
None of you ARE men enough to make me really happy. .
(potential orgy)
The best way to ascertain which should be used, is to examine the logic
of the original (or contrary) expectation. This sounds complicated, but
in practice, it's not:
None of you IS going to sleep with me tonight. ("You think ONE of
you is going to sleep with me. That's not true.")
None of you ARE going to sleep with me tonight. ("You think
SOME of you are going to sleep with me. That's not true.")
The use of ANY is exactly parallel to that of NONE. The verb and
pronoun agreement with ANY is often easier to ascertain, because the
logic is more apparent. If ANY refers to ONE unspecified person, it's
singular; otherwise, it's plural.
If any of you IS the one who slept with me last night, you
can return my panties when you are finished sniffing them.
Any of you IS man enough to make me really happy.
Any of you who have a live cock are going to have a chance
to sleep with me before the end of summer camp.
If any of you IS going to sleep with me tonight, he should brush
his teeth after supper. (You think it's likely or reasonable
that only one person will do so.)
If any of you ARE going to sleep with me tonight, they should
brush their teeth after supper. (You are expecting an orgy
or at least a major menage.)
Note that some of these same words can be used as adjectives, but then
the agreement problem is simplified, because the word that the adjective
modifies will be either singular or plural.
Any men who WANT to do the horizontal lambada with me
should line up outside my room.
Each man who WANTS to do the horizontal lambada with me
should line up outside my room.
Every man who WANTS to do the horizontal lambada with me
should line up outside my room.
BOTH and EACH. BOTH is plural. EACH is singular. The distinction
between these words is worth noting. Misuse can get you in trouble,
even with people who are not English teachers.
Both of us ARE eager to get into her pants.
Each of us IS eager to get into her pants.
EACH is so singular that it can make a compound subject have a singular
verb and pronoun references.
Each infielder and outfielder IS going to get HIS shot
at the coach's wife if they win the championship.
EVERY works the same way.
Every infielder and outfielder IS going to get HIS shot
at the coach's wife if they win the championship.
Oddly enough, if EACH is moved to a location after the compound subject,
the verb and pronoun references become plural. {Note that the exact
meaning of the sentence also changes.} Who said English isn't a bizarre
and wonderful language?
The infielder and outfielder each ARE going to get their shot
at the coach's wife if they win the championship.
EACH OTHER and ONE ANOTHER. EACH OTHER refers to reciprocal activity
between two persons; ONE ANOTHER to reciprocal activity among three or
more persons.
We made love to EACH OTHER last night. ( A couple)
We made love to ONE ANOTHER last night. (Orgy or menage)