Celestial Reviews 192 - June 21, 1997
Note: Here's a very short story that arrived too late to be considered
for the Second Third Annual Celestial Short Story Contest. It's by a
person who doesn't want to be associated with this group. Its title is
"Energizer Bunny."
The world was stunned by the news, today, of the death of the Energizer
Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death
occurred at approximately 8:42 pm last evening.
Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and going and
going, "Pinkie," as he was known to his friends and relatives, was
alone at the time of death.
An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner,
Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest
induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had put Mr.
Bunny's batteries in backwards, and he kept coming, and coming and
coming...
Second note: Remember the Blow Job Principle: We are in danger of losing
some of our best authors. I am aware of at least two people who say
they are ready to throw in the towel simply because they get so little
feedback from readers. If you rarely or never respond to authors, then
THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
What in the world do you think keeps an author going? You can call it
ego or whatever you want to call it. I call it the Blow Job Principle.
Simply stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job, the
recipient should make the giver glad to have performed the first.
Applied to these stories, if you like a story, take the trouble to say
so.
Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to
improve. If they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there
are good writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others
who will do so, because there's nothing in it for them.
I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a
story that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the
author some feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery;
but they write stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction -
for example, they may want to make people happy. They'll never know
they have succeeded unless somebody tells them so.
Third note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Claire Wanted It" by MrSpraycan (bondage) 9, 8, 6
"Twist" by Seurat (short femdom stories) 10, 10, 10
"Getting Lucky" by Dafney DeWitt (con game for sex)
10, 10, 10
"Hot Throbbing Cliches!" by Deekoo L. (humor) 9, 8, 10
"Teacher" by Anne018 (hot ff sex) 10, 10, 10
"Alt.Gilligan's Island" by Leo Sanderson (sitcom parody)
8, 10, 10
"Lunchtime Vignette" by Rajah Dodger (D&s) 10, 9, 9
"Shagger" by BronwenSM (prostitute humor) 10, 8, 8
"Shelly's Trial" by Mike Hunt (sexy court proceedings)
10, 10, 10
"Juan Carlos, King of Spain" by Walter Mitty (exotic
threesome) 9.5, 10, 10
* "Oh What a Trip" by James Boswell (spouse watching)
9, 7, 5
* "Marie" by Friar Dave (emerging adolescence) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted).
"Claire Wanted It" by MrSpraycan (mrspraycan.an@edtec.com). Claire's
friends have laid firm grasp to her and are waving handcuffs in front of
her. She screams for them to let her go, but they have her boyfriend's
word for it, and her personal journal: Claire wants this to happen to
her. This can either be the most humiliating and frightening experience
of her young life, or a fantastic liberation. Since the other three
women are all teachers, Claire realizes she had better do as they say.
Teachers always do what's best for you. We don't actually get to see
the main humiliation - just the plans Claire's coven of friends make for
her.
I guess if you think pain and humiliation are really sexy, you might
really enjoy this story. I found it to be much ado about nothing. I
couldn't decide whether the author expected me to regard Claire's
friends as people with twisted personalities who either really dislike
Claire or to think that it makes sense to carry out in public fantasies
that are obviously ludicrous. I do NOT think that people who write or
enjoy stories like this necessarily have emotional problems, but people
who act this way in real life would certainly deserve help rather than
cooperation.
Ratings for "Claire Wanted It"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Twist" by Seurat (dantedibby@aol.com). This is a collection of twenty
very short stories, all of them with an interesting twist of some kind
(hence, the title). Some of them I reviewed for my Second Third Annual
Celestial Story Contest. My favorite (slightly over 800 words -
therefore not a qualifier for the Contest) was Number XX, which deals
satirically with the problems inherent in being a mistress with slaves
for whom one is responsible.
Ratings for "Twist"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Getting Lucky" by Dafney DeWitt (dafneydewitt@juno.com). Fuller has a
foolproof plan for getting free sex from hookers in Las Vegas. He
realistically fakes having a winning lottery ticket. Then he lets her
("the mark," I guess) see the winning ticket by letting her be present
when he fakes the win. Then he enjoys the sex, pretends to fall asleep,
and lets her steal the ticket. Only a really foolish prostitute would
pass on this opportunity. What could go wrong with a perfect plan like
that? OK, so what could go wrong after that went wrong? OK, so what
could go wrong after that went wrong? OK....
This author's stories are invariably well written. Recently this author
has posted several stories with a con game focus. This is by far the
best of that series.
Ratings for "Getting Lucky"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Hot Throbbing Cliches!" by Deekoo L. (tpyb@extractor.com). This was
described in the alphabet soup on the title line as [mff, parody].
"Mff" is also what Kelli said while she tried to suck dry the narrator's
engorged rod in her luscious mouth. I feel awkward taking this story so
seriously. This story is not very realistic: there are no 17-year-old
nuns; and even if there are a few of them and even if these happen to be
sex crazed, none of them would be named Sister Mary-World; and even if
one does have that name, she wouldn't piss on Kelli's foot while she {to
whomever that refers - how's that for correct but awkward grammar?} is
trying to swallow a 16-inch cock, even if one exists.
I have trouble rating humorous stories that base part of their humor on
being deliberately bad. If this story is this bad by accident, I
apologize and wish sweet dreams to the author. Otherwise, I recommend
this as a very funny mmffff parody.
Ratings for "Hot Throbbing Cliches!"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Teacher" by Anne018 (Anne018bi@aol.com). One of my favorite approaches
for hot sex stories is to have two scenes going at one time. Mark Aster
does this by having Our Hero make love to one of the Allen sisters while
the other sister has passionate sex nearby with someone else. The
author alternates between descriptions of both couples, and often the
participants are motivated by something one of the others does. Many
authors achieve a similar effect by focusing on voyeurism: one couple
gets hot and bothered while watching another couple making love.
Plainman sometimes has three sequences nested in his narratives.
The present story uses a similar technique: While Anne is taking a walk
with Sandy, she describes to Sandy her experience of visiting another
person to help that person and a friend get over a cold feet problem
during their first-time lesbian tryst. While you and I read the story,
we get turned on by the hands-on assistance Anne offers to the other
couple; and meanwhile Sandy has removed her top, her nipples have
hardened, they have reached a quiet place by the lake, and my pussy is
becoming moist. In other words, the author combines the two sets of
activities very effectively, and the effect on the reader can be very
nice indeed.
In short, at the most intense point of action, Anne is watching the two
novices and is getting all turned on, while she is fingering her pussy
and giving them instructions. Those two people are lost in heavenly
rapture. Sandy, who is getting hot and bothered listening to Anne
retell this story, begins to respond by removing some of her clothes and
becoming increasingly intimate with the storyteller. Anne is getting
turned on both by recalling the original incident and by what Sandy is
doing to her. As the story continues, these different storylines
combine and interact. Meanwhile, I as the reader, am experiencing all
of the above.
Like I said, it's an interesting approach.
One thing that I found to be really irritating in this story is that
both the person to whom Anne is narrating this story and one of the
novices to whom Anne gave instructions are named Sandy. In real life
this could happen, of course; but in fiction, why not help the reader
out by using two different names? Occasionally, I would hear someone
asking, "Did Sandy do this?" Sometimes I had to stop and think which
Sandy was talking. In general, however, the context helped me out, so
that this wasn't as big a problem as it might have been. My advice to
the author is to use the Replace function on her word processor to
change the novice Sandy to Penelope or Rachel or maybe even Yvette.
Ratings for "Teacher"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Alt.Gilligan's Island" by Leo Sanderson (leonsan@rocketmail.com). I
guess I haven't given it all that much thought, but those people from
the Three Hour Ride must have eventually been on that island for nearly
10 years. The author of this story assumes that clothing rots away over
a period of 10 years and that a person who does all the shit work for
everyone else might develop quite a physique as a result of the physical
activity. He also makes the perhaps tenuous assumption that Gilbert (!)
Gilligan has a ten-inch penis. Well, to make a short story even
shorter, Mary Ann and Ginger decide to have fun with Gilligan and the
Skipper. 'Nuff said.
Ratings for "Alt.Gilligan's Island"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Lunchtime Vignette" by Rajah Dodger (rdodger@hotmail.com). Are there
really guys in the world that would show up for a lunchtime appointment
with a woman who is going to essentially torture them and send them back
to work? I was going to further ask whether there are woman who would
actually enjoy doing this, but I know the answer to the second question
is yes. However, they are not very nice women.
Ratings for "Lunchtime Vignette"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Shagger" by BronwenSM (bronwensm@cuckoo.clara.net). This is more
of an elaborate humorous anecdote than a short story. While they
are visiting New York, Shagger and his mates {Brit term for blokes
who are friends} get high on coke and Shagger decides he wants a
great-big-black-hooker. So they play a joke on Shagger, but he
still gets the best fucking blow-job he ever had.
As I read this story, I said to myself, "This is plausible enough to be
true." I later received a note from the author that said that really
was the case.
Ratings for "Shagger"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
The following is a Special Guest Review by Piper (a regular
contributor to a.s.s. under another name).
"Juan Carlos, King of Spain" by Walter Mitty (wwmitty@aol.com).
His highness, King Juan Carlos, Sovereign Ruler over the lands of
Spain, is entertaining himself with his favorite concubine,
Serrafina, Queen of the Gypsies. A visitor enters his court. No,
not a visitor. A prisoner. It is the beautiful Isabella, his
captive princess, come to pay her respects. She is greeted
warmly, yet with reserve, for a king must not show eagerness. He
must rule with a firm hand and a firm staff. Rising gracefully,
he extends his hand ...
"Hey Mitty, you still with us?" Jessica, Walter's wife, a.k.a.
Serrafina, breaks him out of his little daydream. Again.
Isabella, Serra's (Jessica's) friend from college, is visiting for
a week. There is no question of her looking like a queen,
however, with her bountiful breasts, narrow waist, and generous
bottom. Walter starts drifting again...
In this story, Walter Mitty is the narrator. His favorite
fantasy, if you hadn't guessed it already, is that he's the King
of Spain and his wife is guess-who. He can also drift off into
fantasy land at the least provocation. One of his secret desires
is to have a threesome with another woman. After all, he reasons,
haven't all the Kings of Spain had mistresses? His wife, however,
has been against the idea. Walter doesn't really blame her
either. After all, he wouldn't want to share their bed with
another man.
Things can change. Seeing Isabella brings back fond memories for
Jessica, memories of some wild times the two women shared back in
their school days. That, a few joints, and a couple of bottles of
Merlot, sets the stage for a dream come true, and is the start of
a pretty good story. Walter indulges in his fantasies as both
women indulge in themselves and in him.
This is a quiet, gentle kind of story, one to make you happy and
warm. While fuzzy and euphemistic in some places and graphic and
detailed in others, the author does a nice job of balancing the
fantasy elements with the reality of having three in a bed. A
good read for late at night snuggled up close to someone. The
only thing that disturbs the easy flow of Mitty's narration is an
occasional language or word error. There aren't many, but they're
kind of like potholes in an otherwise smooth road, jarring and
unexpected. Things like "wive's" rather than "wife's". I admit,
this is a minor quibble, but a good story like this deserves to
have that last little bit of polish. Thanks, Mitty.
Rating:
Technical merit 9.5
Plot & character 10
Appeal to reviewer 10
"Shelly's Trial" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). The author
introduced the eponymous but enticing Shelly in "Shelly's Sex Life"
reviewed in CR 188. If you missed that story, you should find it and
read it before this one. Otherwise you're stuck with the author's two-
bit synopsis to bring you up to date.
The narrator's sex education program has been successful, and Shelly has
become a veritable sex kitten for her husband. However, since he's a
simple minded financial genius, he has suspected that there must be a
reason for the change in his wife and has become upset over her
"infidelity" (which was really sexual therapy) and is suing for divorce.
The plot evolves through courtroom testimony. A particularly
interesting device (for storytelling, that is) is the courtroom
transcript, which is read by one of those sexy young ladies who so often
serve as civil servants in American courtrooms and engage in mild
bondage with judges and witnesses during recesses. Incidentally, this
stenographer eventually turns the tables on Mike - er, the desk - that
is, she turns Mike on the desk- you know: one of those rolltop desks
that sometimes have handcuffs in one of the draws.
I am not going to summarize this story any further. I am not even going
to explain the meaning of this line: "Then you're going to eat my cunt
while I blow MIKE HUNT." Read it yourself and enjoy it!
This story fulfilled one of my fantasies. I love it when this happens.
The author fed me a straight line. At the end of the story, the author
has ten Notes to Authors, which contain information and advice based on
the main text of the story. Well, it almost makes me cum when I say
this, but I have an eleventh note for this author. #11 Note to Authors
#11: "I like my sex gentle and consentual." It's consensual, not
consentual. Consensual means that the person doing it has given her/his
consent. Consentual is actually a word and has a similar meaning but
implies a formal, legally binding agreement. I've read this author's
stories. Mike Hunt has never had consentual sex in his life - except,
perhaps, for a few minor exceptions with his lovely wife, June.
I continue to be impressed by the creativity of this author!
Ratings "Shelly's Trial"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Oh What a Trip" by James Boswell (skipper@usa.pipeline.com).
This is billed by the author as "Another Hot Wife Tale." Because
several other authors mentioned Boswell as an inspiration for one
or another of their own stories, I downloaded several of his
stories; and I have not yet regretted it. The grammar in this
story is screwed up on purpose - the narrator is supposed to be
talking like a stereotypical hillbilly from North Carolina,
probably somewhere near Mayberry R.F.D. The author carries this
off nicely.
The gist of the plot as that some Yankee preppies come Down Home
and start lusting after the narrator's frisky young wife. Though
she loves her husband with endless devotion, she offers to frolic
in the sack with one of these gents, because she knows it will
please her husband to see her riding that sweet Yankee cock.
Well, actually, she gang bangs with all four of the visitors while
her hubby watches from a secluded spot nearby.
Although this story is clearly written, it does little that's
creative with the basic spouse-watching theme. For my own part,
I'm still not convinced that it would be all that hot to bang away
mindlessly with four strangers while my husband hid in a corner
and watched.
I personally think Boswell writes best when he gets off the wife-
watching theme. I think his two best stories are "Love Deeply
Missed" and "Christmas with the Andersons." Nevertheless, Boswell
obviously likes to write about slutty wives, and I guess that's
what he's famous for. His two best stories of that genre that I
have encountered are "Those Ex-Wife Blues" and "Giving Him What He
Wants."
Ratings for "Oh What a Trip"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
* "Marie" by Friar Dave. When she was a little under 11 years old
and had a body that was a bit advanced for her age, Marie made an
important discovery. She could become close to and even have sex
with nice men, and she could turn them on and still have them treat
her right, and it could be fun and sweet and pleasurable and not
hateful or hurtful or scary.
The problem was that soon she loved sex, and she was used to
getting it pretty much when she wanted it. And she was often horny
as hell. To use Marie's own expression, she was making Lolita look
like a nun.
Marie's initial sexual contacts were with boys near her own age.
She quickly graduated to more mature boys and to adult men. Once
she had experienced the more mature partners, she lost interest in
younger boys. She progresses to numerous hot, sexy adventures.
If we accept this as fiction - a nice story - then we're OK. If we
look at it as a case study - which is the format the author uses -
then our choices are to regard this story as either (1) a very
unusual set of circumstances or (2) a far-fetched fantasy. The
FACT is that there is an overwhelming tendency for girls who become
sexually active this young to have adult lives that are at best far
below their potential at and worst just plain miserable. I have
worked with kids who have been sexually active. I am not talking
about "kids" who get married and start a family when they are 17.
I am talking about kids who start having constant sex when they are
under 12 years old. In general, when they become adults, they have
no idea what real love is about. They've lost their childhood.
They almost invariably either drop out of school or just sit in a
desk until the law permits them to leave. They enter into a series
of shallow sexual relationships as adults, and they almost never
have what a sensible person would call a stable family. My guess
is that by their fiftieth birthday half of the kids I have known
like this will be dead after an unhappy life.
I also serve as an informal counselor to a large number of well-
adjusted teenagers (by being the sponsor of various organizations),
and my impression is that the sexual experiences of these kids
begin much later in life. Articles and case studies published in
scientific journals confirm my perception.
It's possible that I'm getting a biased sample in my real life
contacts. I work with kids who are dysfunctional, and so maybe I
just don't see the well-adjusted kids who have been having frequent
sex since they were 11 years old. It's POSSIBLE that the world is
full of wonderful children like Marie who become sexually active
before they turn 11, who are never sexually exploited, and whose
lives are not permanently screwed up because of their early sexual
experiences. These kids would not come to my attention, because
they look like normal kids and don't advertise the fact that
they're fucking one another's brains out when I'm not looking.
It's also important to note that even with the dysfunctional kids
it may be the problems in the rest of their lives that lead to
early sexual behavior rather than vice versa.
What I most emphatically want to say is that I do NOT believe that
any of you readers who started your sexual careers at a really
early age are necessarily scarred for life because of this. On the
other hand, I hope you have the honesty to admit that maybe life
would be better were it not for some early problems and mistakes.
Marie discovered early in this story that sex could be fun and
sweet and pleasurable and not hateful or hurtful or scary. I
learned the same thing from my mother and from the happy
environment in which I grew up. Mom didn't let me look at porn
magazines when I was really young, because they would "give me a
wrong impression of sex and love." My father and mother were very
affectionate in front of us, and I knew that someday I might get
lucky and have a similar relationship. She knew what kinds of
movies I watched and casually offered me advice, including the
encouragement to "save myself" for somebody I truly loved. I had a
full childhood and a happy athletic career in high school; and I
cannot imagine my sex life being much better than it is right now -
except when I get interesting ideas from these stories. My advice
to my own daughters has been similar; and had I ever suspected that
one of them was engaging in precocious sexual behavior I would have
done what I could have done to lead her to a more adaptive
lifestyle.
Having stated my personal philosophy in the previous paragraphs,
now I'll say that this is still an excellent story. It's
"realistic" in the sense that these events COULD happen to a person
that would grow up to be a normal, functioning adult. And if you
read the whole story, I think you'll discover that Marie's eventual
opinion of her life story is not all that different from my own.
The story is also just plain enjoyable - even to a person like
myself who would discourage such behavior in real life. I have
close friends and relatives who adamantly insist that anything
that's immoral, unwise, or unrealistic cannot be enjoyable. That's
just plain stupid. When I watch Star Wars, I don't worry about the
impact on their families of killing the storm troopers of the Evil
Empire. When I watch a movie about a clever bank robbery, I don't
worry about the fact that such activity would ultimately influence
how banks would operate and probably cause hardship for families
with marginal incomes. Get real! It would be fun to rob a bank
and get away with it (although I would never do it and it couldn't
really be harmless in real life), and it would also be fun for a
12-year-old to pull a train with a bunch of friendly 16-year-olds.
Not wise, perhaps, but certainly fun.
Some people cite this as Friar Dave's best story. I liked "Inger"
better, but this one is still an excellent story.
Ratings for "Marie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10