Celestial Reviews 191 - June 18, 1997
Results of the Second Third Annual Celestial Story Contest
I think it would be interesting to begin this Contest Edition with a
Quote from a Prude. I found this recently on a.s.s.:
"Why must all of you losers insist on using pornography?
If you had a real life you wouldn't need to deal with this stuff, you
sick bastards! If only you realized how stupid you are being!!"
- Social Critic who will remain unnamed here.
{Those bastards can be viscous - er, I mean vicious, I think.}
I'll counter that bit of inspiration with the final list of stories that
were eligible for the contest. I might add that this list is not quite
complete. Vickie Tern inspired this whole contest with her "Teasers"
and "Teasers 2." I didn't have time to write reviews for all of her
stories, and so I have reviewed only a few of the best. Likewise,
Seurat entered 20 stories in "Twist," but I have reviewed only two.
Reviewing all the potentially eligible stories of these two authors
would have more than doubled the number of reviews I would have had to
write without affecting the outcome of the contest.
For my First Annual Celestial Story Contest I received just three
entries. For this Second Third Annual Celestial Story Contest I
received 43 entries. There are some really excellent stories on this
list:
"Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute (really restful sex)
10, 10, 10
"B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded (necrophilia) 8, 7, 7
"Bees" by Mat Twassel (a day in the life) 10, 10, 10
"Best Friends" by Vickie Tern (bestiality) 10, 10, 9
"Buddies" by Vickie Tern (infidelity) 10, 10, 10
"Cain and Abel" by Taria (sexual conspiracy) 10, 10, 10
"Captivated" by Vickie Tern (femdom) 10, 8, 8
"Civility" by Mark Aster (mild bondage) 10, 10, 10
"Confessions of Lust" by Anon 747 (masturbation with a twist)
10, 10, 10
"Cream" by Seurat (femdom) 10, 10, 10
"Daisy" by John Thomas (humor) 10, 8, 9
"Decisions, Decisions" by Vickie Tern (homework helper)
10, 10, 10
"Double Dutch" by Tom Bombadil (complex infidelity)
10, 10, 10
"Dune what Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan (sex
on the beach) 10, 10, 10
"Foodie" by Plainman (quickie with food) 10, 10, 10
"The Game" by Michael Ellis (bondage) 10, 10, 10
"The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan (whaler sex) 10, 10, 10
"A Hot Time in the Old Town" by Tom Bombadil (takes two
to tango) 10, 10, 9
"The Houseguest" by DG (animal magnitude) 10, 10, 10
" If." by Mary's Brother (wife watching) 9, 10, 10
"In Your Own Sweet Way" by Walter Caulder (anal sex movie)
10, 10, 10
"Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks (voyeurism)
10, 10, 10
"A Little Encouragement" by Stephanie (the fast cure)
10, 10, 10
"Memo" by Mike Hunt (office memo) 10, 10, 10
"My Trusted Friend" by BronwenSM (paradoxical non-infidelity)
10, 10, 10
"The Orgy" by kollontai (recovering sex addict) 10, 10, 10
"Poe" by Seurat (femdom) 9.5, 10, 10
"Party" by Vickie Tern (orgy & revenge) 10, 9, 9
"The Phone Call" by Gregarious (phone sex) 10, 10, 10
"Playing Pool" by BronwenSM (gambling for sex) 10, 10, 10
"Rant" by Mike Hunt (hallucinatory sex) 10, 10, 10
"Quiz" by Mike Hunt (humorous word association) 10, 10, 10
"Recipe" by Vickie Tern (sex & food) 10, 9, 9
"Sharing" by Vickie Tern (TG femdom) 10, 9, 9
"Ships That Parse in the Night" by John Thomas (fun with
language) 10, 10, 10
"Spaced Out" by John Thomas (sci fi humor) 10, 10, 10
"Taken" by kollontai (D&s & angst) 10, 10, 10
"An Unintentional Voyeur" by Tom Bombadil (unintentional
voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
"A Victorian Tale" by Hoosier Red (sex on a dark & stormy night)
10, 9, 9
"Watching" by Tom Bombadil (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
"What Choice?" by Art (demanding wife) 8, 9, 7
"Windmill Saga" by Robert Brennan (work break) 10, 10, 10
"Yardstick" by John Thomas (humor) 10, 8, 8
Reading the stories was just plain fun; writing so many reviews was hard
but enjoyable work; selecting the winner was a difficult task. When I
wrote the reviews, I decided to give ratings that made it possible to
compare the stories to OTHER stories that I have reviewed. Since the
stories were so good, there's not a lot of variation in the ratings; and
so it's impossible to look at my list and determine, say, the top ten
stories in rank order. That's OK with me. I would prefer that you read
the stories and make up your minds for yourselves.
<Drum Roll...> Here's my winner. <More Drum Roll...>
"Bees" by Mat Twassel.
<Prolonged Applause> I loved the combination of chaos and logic, of
innocence and ribald innuendo, that I found in this exceptionally
creative story. For more details, see the review in the alphabetical
listing. As one correspondent said, "This story is entertaining for
what's NOT said, like whispy clothes instead of total nudity."
Congratulations, Mat!
I encourage all the authors to repost their stories, so that people who
read these reviews can find and enjoy the stories. Almost all of them
are already accessible through DejaNews as well as in
alt.sex.stories.moderated. If you repost a story, it would be nice if
you would use the {<500 words} designation to help readers find it.
In posting the reviews, I have sometimes omitted the address of an
author. Sometimes this omission occurred because the author did not
give me an address. A common mistake is that an author sends me an e-
mail message with an attached file without putting that author's name
anywhere in that file. When I download the file, it becomes separated
from the message, which I usually throw away. Unless the author repeats
his/her name and address in the story file, I am likely to experience
difficulty finding and sharing this information. If you send me a story
in this way, be sure to put your name and address in the file as well as
in the cover letter. In a few other cases, it seemed to me that the
author did not want his/her address to be made known to the general
public, and so I simply withheld that information. If you use proper
ingenuity, you can find the address of almost any author by looking
closely at the story when you read it.
Please also remember that the Blow Job Principle applies to these
stories. Simply stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job,
the recipient should make the giver glad to have performed the first.
Applied to these stories, if you like a story, take the trouble to tell
the author about your feelings.
Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to
improve. If they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there
are good writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others
who will do so, because there's nothing in it for them.
I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a
story that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the
author some feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery;
but they write stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction -
for example, they may want to make people happy. They'll never know
they have succeeded unless somebody tells them so.
Finally, I seriously mean it when I say it's OK with me if someone else
wants to declare another winner from the same pool of stories.
Here are the reviews of the stories in alphabetical order:
"Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute (paddy22@aol.com). My own life is
close enough to this story, that I'm simply going to go autobiographical
here. Apparently some of my best sexual experiences have occurred
without my direct knowledge. I sometimes wake up in the morning
extremely refreshed and with vague recollections of a really nice dream.
When I check, I often find the dried remnants of a sticky substance
somewhere on my body or on the sheets. It seems that after a long, hard
day when I obviously need my sleep, my husband is kind enough to bring
me to orgasm in my sleep. The first time he admitted this to me, he was
embarrassed and apologized for "exploiting" me. As I questioned him, I
discovered that my cunt had vibrated in gentle orgasm for over 15
minutes while he kissed my ass, diddled my clitoris, and was generally
my main benefactor, before he had shot his wad onto my asscheeks.
What's a girl to do? I forgave him, of course; and have "forgiven" him
many times since that first occasion. Believe it or not, I had two anal
orgasms by this route before I even knew he was interested in that sort
of thing. What can I say? I sleep soundly. Of course, it has occurred
to me that he could... but I'd better not say, because that might be
the plot of this story.
Ratings for "Am I Only Dreaming?"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded (usenet-tag@qz.little-neck.ny.us).
This one's hard to summarize without ruining it for the reader. It's a
complex but interesting 400-word story. I think I can summarize its
main weakness by saying that the author followed my Robert Browning
analogy a little too closely.
Ratings for "B----'s Lover"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Bees" by Mat Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com). This was the 33rd story I
read for this contest; it was the first one that made me lean back in my
chair and laugh out loud. But it's not just funny; it's also very sexy
- even though no sex actually occurs during the story - at least not on
stage. This story uses a wonderful combination of innocence and
innuendo to answer the common question, what can possibly go wrong (or
right) if a wife puts her panties into her husband's lunch bag instead
of a napkin and the husband goes out for lunch with someone else and
passes the lunch bag unopened along to the sexy receptionist? The
answer has something to do with one's belly button and about 500 bees.
Ratings for "Bees"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Best Friends" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the
set of Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." This one develops the
notion that a man's best friend is his dog - except that when a dog
fucks a guy in the ass, the knot that swells up in the doggie cock may
cause unnecessary screaming, and the man might pass out, and neither the
guy nor the dog may be ready for similar copulation for quite a while.
I have to admit, I had never given the ideas in this plot much thought
before reading this story.
Ratings for "Best Friends"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Buddies" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set
of Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." Charlie and the narrator
have been playing a sport together - probably racquetball. Charlie has
some scratch marks on his back from a passionate tryst with his
secretary, who is a regular tiger in the sack. Charlie wants the
narrator to cover for him by telling his wife that Charlie got the
scratch marks when he accidentally fell through a glass partition at the
racquet club. The narrator is willing to cooperate, but he doubts that
the excuse will actually work. Why? You'll have to read the story to
find out.
This story deserves the award for the most succinct, efficient use of
words. Just two paragraphs, a total of 260 words, and yet it really
packs a punch.
Ratings for "Buddies"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Cain and Abel" by Taria (Taria29b@aol.com). This is NOT predominantly
a sexy story, but it does involve sex. I believe there are people who
would become sexually aroused if they thought about this story, but I
myself did not. Since I am trying to review this story without ruining
it for you, I cannot tell you much about it, because part of the
pleasure lies in letting you figure out what it is that the author is
talking about. Let me just say that this is a well written story and
that the title creatively associates the events in this story with the
biblical story of Cain and Abel. Although conspiracy enthusiasts may
disagree with me, I am confident that this story is not an accurate
depiction of historical events (because, of course, I know the real
truth). That's enough! If you want to know more, read the story; it's
exactly 500 words long. If the author had room for one more word, I
know exactly what that word would be: BLAM!
Ratings for "Cain and Abel"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Captivated" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the
set of Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." A man who thinks that
he is God's Gift to Women has been wanting to move in with the narrator.
She has granted him his wish, but now God's Gift lies captured in
humiliating bondage in the narrator's house.
Ratings for "Captivated"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Civility" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). Civility. Noun. 1.
Courteous behavior; politeness. 2. A courteous act or utterance.
"You FUCKER!" Pat shouts. "THAT'S your fantasy? Maybe you'd like to
ball my little sister while the MAILMAN fucks me frombehind! Does THAT
sound good?" Well, that rules out the second definition. So the story
must be about courteous behavior. Indeed it is. Pat and Our Hero play
a fantasy game; and he goes first and engages in courteous behavior by
fucking her good and proper.
So what's Pat's problem? You'll have to read the story to find out.
This story is almost an unethical and uncivil entry. I have reviewed
something like 45 stories about this author's Allen sisters. I think
I'm in love: if I ever fall off the monogamy wagon, I'm going to shack
up with Pat, Julie, and Aurora Drake.
This is a really excellent story, but not quite the winner.
Ratings for "Civility"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Confessions of Lust" by Anon 747 (Anon747@aol.com). I enjoy making up
the brief descriptions that I supply for these stories in the "Table of
Contents" in each issue of Celestial Reviews. For example, descriptions
like "Homework Helper" and "Recovering Sex Addict" seem to me to be both
more fun and more descriptive than something like {femdom} or {mf} or
other varieties of alphabet soup. This one I described as "masturbation
with a twist." If that plus straight 10 ratings catches your attention,
you should take a look at this story.
Ratings for "Confessions of Lust"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Cream" by Seurat (Dantedibby@aol.com). Expressing to his wife that he
wanted her to occasionally take the lead had not been difficult; but
getting her to do it was. But then she caught on quickly... too quickly,
perhaps. Even if you don't normally like femdom stories, you should
still give this one a look.
Ratings for "Cream"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Daisy" by John Thomas (JohnThomas@compusurge.com). This is a brief
story about a practical joke played on a pimp. It's very short, but
quite enjoyable. I can't tell you anything about it, because that would
ruin the punchline for you.
Ratings "Daisy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Decisions, Decisions" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part
of the set of Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." This story may
qualify for the Best Line Award: " God, she was just beautiful! When
she sat down, I swear the seat kissed her ass. I sure wanted to." I
realize that quote included three sentences, not just one; you'll have
to figure out which sentence I meant.
Anyway, the nerd has long been lusting for the lovely lass with the
lovely ass. One day she needs help with her math assignment. Read the
story for details.
Ratings for "Decisions, Decisions"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Double Dutch" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). If cleverness of
plot were the only criterion, this story would win the contest. Perhaps
this story can best be summarized by inserting the proper word into a
proverb: "Do unto others (what/so that/or/ before/while) others will do
unto you." To put it another way, there are only two males and two
females in this story, and so there's gotta be just a limited number of
ways they can fit together - right?
Ratings for "Double Dutch"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Dune what Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan (anon584c@nyx.net). A
creative feature of this story is that it is written by a fictional
character. As I proofread the preceding sentence, I realized how badly
it missed the point. Actually, in a legitimate sense ALL the stories in
this contest are probably written by fictional characters. That is,
almost everyone uses a pseudonym when posting on a.s.s. What I meant to
say was that in this case Uther Pendragon has written a pair of stories
and has given credit for them to Jeanette and Bob Brennan, two fictional
characters in his long-running "For... " series. So if this feature
really works, the present story should not only be a good story; it
should also appear to be the work of Jeanette as opposed to Bob or
someone else.
In this story Marlene's mother tells her to be home right after the
movie to which the girl is going with her boyfriend. Since they are on
a tight deadline, they leave the movie early and go down to the beach to
make out. But while they're making out in an area where they cannot be
observed, they hear someone else nearby doing a bit more than just
making out. If Uther Pendragon has done his work well and if you are
familiar with his other work, you should now have a pretty good idea how
this story will end - or at least it will seem like an ending that
Jeanette would have written for her entry in this contest. It worked
for me!
Ratings for "Dune what Comes Naturally"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Foodie" by Plainman (an10176@anon.nymserver.com). Some of the authors
found a loophole in the rules, which stated simply that the story had to
have 500 or fewer words and be about sex. In the present case Plainman
stayed within the word limit, but he took advantage of the readers'
previous knowledge about his characters. In other words, instead of
using 200 words to set up the story, he simply has Princess speak, and
those of us who have followed Princess and her Court immediately know
that this person is a dominant nymphomaniac whose husband likes to spank
her after she reports to him about the slutty activities in which she
has engaged with other men - or women.
In this episode Princess has planned a rendezvous with a man named
Robert. They have planned to go to a really good restaurant, and they
flirt with each other by relating future sexual activities to each of
the morsels that they consume. That's all I can tell you. This is a
good story, but not the prize winner. As a consolation prize, have some
potatoes with creme fraiche and caviar, Plainman; and then do what you
wish.
Ratings for "Foodie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Game" by Michael Ellis (michael1a@hotmail.com). The story starts
with a really hot bondage scenario, with the guy bound and gagged and
being teased by an incredibly sexy woman with a perfect body and a
filthy vocabulary. Then there's a really strange twist, the likes of
which I have neither seen nor thought of on this newsgroup before.
Interesting game!
Ratings for "The Game"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan (MrSpraycan@aol.com). "Call me Ishmael."
"There once was a girl named Nan Tucket." This story is shorter than
"Moby Dick," and it's not a limerick. What we have here is an
interesting anecdote set in New Bedford 200 years ago in which a young
seaman harpoons a lady who is not of Puritan inclination at the Saucy
Pelican. This is an extremely well-told tale.
Ratings for "The Harpooner"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Hot Time in the Old Town" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). Ramone
looks down into Julia's eyes. Perspiration runs down his brow, his
cheeks, and his neck. His sides heave as he sucks in deep lungfuls
{actually, lungsful <tsk, tsk!>} of much-needed air. She is equally
sweaty and breathless. Their bodies are almost welded together, their
lips only inches apart. Good golly, Miss Molly! What have they been
doing? Later we learn that their bodies are separated by a mere 6
inches; or should we say joined by a mere 6 inches? And why such a
humble number?
This story gives us an intense buildup to a sudden twist at the end -
literally, almost. To get its full meaning, you'll have to evaluate my
previous sentence after you've read the story.
Ratings for "A Hot Time in the Old Town"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Houseguest" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). Here we have a tail of
unrequited love. The houseguest has developed an inordinate fondness
for his roommate's girlfriend, and he lets nature take its course. I
guessed this ending with about 487 words to go in the story, and I was
right on target; but it was still fun verifying my hypothesis. You
probably won't predict as accurately as I did, unless you take advantage
of hints provided in this review.
Ratings for "The Houseguest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"If." by Mary's Brother. Sometimes a guy makes a mistake when he agrees
to let the boss fuck his wife in return for a vice-presidency in the
company. This narrator admits the mistake, but makes it sound pretty
sexy.
Vice-presidency, eh...? I assumed this story was about a company in the
world of business. But by an incredible coincidence I happen to know
that the Secret Service code name for Bill Clinton is R. P. Glass. That
means that this could be a true story narrated by Al Gore. I suspect a
person with a name like Tipper would put her best effort into an
activity that might advance her husband's career. Hmmm....
Ratings for "If."
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"In Your Own Sweet Way" by Walter Caulder (waltcaul@hotmail.com). I'm
impressed at how many of these stories hit 500 words right on the nose.
This one deals with a dilemma faced by a movie director whose male star
has become incapable of performing for the final scene. Oh, I forgot to
mention that it's a porn movie and that the final scene involves anal
sex. The director fills in, and he screws it up by cumming inside the
young lady; but that's only one of several surprises in the end. That
previous sentence included a few puns.
Ratings for "In Your Own Sweet Way"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks (RenaeNicks@aol.com). Don't
you just hate it when you can hear somebody else making love? I mean,
it's not as if you try to listen, which would be rude; but when the
woman is a screamer or the guy is really good at it or you have two
virgins going all the way for the first time - well, sometimes you just
can't help hearing what's going on; and if you're alone, sometimes you
feel tempted to masturbate and to try to come in rhythm with the other
couple; but since you know that's wrong, sometimes you just try to
imagine exactly what it is that they're doing and what part you could
play if you were allowed to join in; and if you're in a hotel room and
it's late at night you probably call your husband or significant other -
unless you're a real pervert and arrange a conference call with both -
and you try to distract yourself by describing to that person exactly
what's happening both in the room next door and in the area between your
legs - well, when that happens, does it ever occur to you that somebody
at the hotel switchboard might be listening to your phone call and
getting off at your expense?
Well, anyway, this story is about listening to the neighbors having sex.
Ratings for "Listening to the Neighbors"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Little Encouragement" by Stephanie (stephanie@nym.alias.net). Let's
see. We have a young guy being seduced by a beautiful older woman who
appears to be surprisingly strong. The story is by Stephanie, who
specializes in transgender stories and is prone to surprise endings.
OK, I have put my guess for the surprise ending into a sealed envelope,
and I'll let you know how I did. {Actually, I could just write my
prediction here; it's just as easy to lie and cheat with a word
processor as to lie about a sealed prediction, but I may need a drum
roll later.}
Ooops! I went to the next screen and found, "Hi, honey! I'm home!"
I'll put my NEW prediction in a NEW sealed envelope. Fine; so the woman
hustles her date into a dark room and then returns to face her Honey.
But the guy is not alone in the dark room; there's a sexy girl in the
bed there - one with perfectly formed breasts clearly visible through
her thin night-dress. OK, I'll put my new prediction in a THIRD sealed
envelope.
Fortunately, there was a sale on envelopes at the drug store in the mall
near my house, and so I handled the vagaries of this plot quite nicely,
thank you. Surprisingly, my first guess was almost exactly correct; but
I won't tell it to you, since that would ruin it for you.
Ratings for "A Little Encouragement"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Memo" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). Mike Hunt is an unethical but
talented bastard who will do anything to win this contest. I have been
deluged with fan mail praising his stories - oddly enough, most of the
messages were signed by people whose names appear in this memo. He has
been trying to arrange a menage a trois (actually a menage a cinq by
this time, I believe) with several of his cronies and myself. He has
offered his wife June to me as a personal sextoy. And - most depraved
of all - he has submitted three creative entries.
This one is worth reading just for the names of the people to whom the
memo is addressed, including Oliver Clothesoff, The Dickner Brothers
(Iben, Uben, and Heben), Jenny Talia, and Kandy Thys. The "story" is a
creative but futile attempt to get the gang at Mike Hunt Enterprises
united in their effort to influence the judge for this contest.
Ratings for "Memo"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"My Trusted Friend" by BronwenSM (BronwenSM@aol.com). Ethics 101 Final
Exam: Joe is a married man who hangs around with an unmarried person
whom we shall loosely refer to as a Lady Friend. Although she is
sexually active, the Lady Friend respects Joe's fidelity to his marriage
and refrains from sex with him, but she frequently describes her sexual
exploits and fantasies to Joe. One day they go to buy coke from Biker
Dave. Believing that his Lady Friend will enjoy the experience, Joe
subdues her and lets the slimeball have sex with her. Comment on these
events from the perspectives of Immanuel Kant and/or Baruch Spinoza.
This is a very good story.
Ratings for "My Trusted Friend"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Orgy" by kollontai (amadora@hotmail.com). The man and his college
friends have conducted frequent orgies. He has attended faithfully,
finding pleasure and an enjoyable release. But suddenly, the fun and
enjoyment has gone away and he feels like a devoid shell {sic}. He feels
dirty. He needs a shower. He feels called to a new life! Read all
about it!
Ratings for "The Orgy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Poe" by Seurat (Dantedibby@aol.com). This story is a modernized,
erotic parody of one of Edgar Alan Poe's famous short stories. I won't
tell you which one, because then your knowledge of American literature
would jeopardize your enjoyment of this story. This is an excellent
story.
Ratings for "Poe"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Party" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set of
Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." It's a two paragraph story
that suggests a creative answer to the question, "What should a bride-
to-be do to get revenge when her future husband declines to invite her
to the bachelor party?
Ratings for "Party"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Phone Call" by Gregarious (gregarious@poboxes.com). What I like
best about some of these stories is that when I get finished I have a
"Now I Get It!" experience. This happens with some longer stories as
well, but with these extremely short stories I actually have the time
and patience to go back and check to make sure all the details fit.
This author does the set-up very well. I had the full "That Can't Be,
Can It?" experience, and when I went back and checked, indeed it COULD
be.
The set-up is that the man is conversing with a woman who is trying to
get him all turned on. It's apparently one of those 1-900-HOT-CHIX
numbers, and the guy is uncertain how authentic the woman is but he is
really getting into the fantasy. Then something happens, and you'll
have to read the story to find out what.
Ratings for "The Phone Call"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Playing Pool" by BronwenSM (BronwenSM@aol.com). This is one of only a
few stories that did not rely on a sudden twist and a surprise ending.
It's just a straightforward appeal to the reader's prurient interests -
and a damned good appeal it is.
The girls are out to shoot some pool on a Friday evening, when a wholly
objectionable old-fashioned misogynist begins making a nuisance of
himself by uttering derogatory remarks about the gentle sex. Sheena
challenges him to a game of pool, and when she beats him, he has to put
his money where his mouth was - no, that's not it -he has to put his
mouth where their pussies are. This is a pleasant, sexy story that
would make Carrie Nation proud to be a woman.
By the way, why are pool tables green? You'd be green too, if you had
16 balls and people were poking at them with sticks.
Ratings for "Playing Pool"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Quiz" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). This isn't really a quiz.
It's a humorous word association game. When you read the questions and
answers together, you will laugh your head or other part of your anatomy
off. Pretty funny!
Ratings for "Quiz"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Rant" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). The main focus of this story
is a single sentence 483 words long - the sort of thing Sister Mary
Detention used to have us to diagram when we misbehaved and had to stay
after school, only with content the likes of which would have made the
Good Sister give up the habit, so to speak. Anyway, the sentence is
grammatically correct, and yes, I have had a variant of the
hallucination which the author relates in this story. This description
sounds silly, but the sentence is well worth reading.
Ratings for "Rant"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Recipe" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set of
Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." In this story the narrator
brings up the issue of sex and eating in a most peculiar manner. Trust
me, you haven't previously thought of this idea!
Ratings for "Recipe"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Sharing" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set
of Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." It takes the form of a
monologue, in which a woman is thanking her husband for the pleasure she
has received by having sex with another man whom the husband has
graciously allowed her to fuck. Now she's offering to let the husband
join in and pick up sloppy seconds. Maybe she'll even stop giving him
the pills, so that he can have a hard-on again.
Ratings for "Sharing"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Ships That Parse in the Night" by John Thomas
(JohnThomas@compusurge.com). It's stretching matters to call this a sex
story. If the statement "Your participle is dangling" has sexual
connotations, then I suppose this story qualifies. The story consists
of a large number of interestingly misused words and phrases - the
anguished languish version of the English language. If you enjoy
thinking about language, you'll probably like this story. However, even
I did not get sexually aroused by this story. Amused, but not aroused;
but with all these other great stories, who needs more arousal?
Ratings "Ships That Parse in the Night"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Spaced Out" by John Thomas (JohnThomas@compusurge.com). A couple of
months ago there was a "discussion" of Celestial Reviews on a.s.s.d.,
and an unfriendly critic got on my case for my "sophomoric humor." He
insisted that I liked only one type of story, which he referred to as
the Groucho Marx genre. This critic was an imbecile, of course; it's
safe to assume that (a) Will Rogers never met him and (b) he is
incapable of realizing the subtle humor in (a). Having said that, I am
nevertheless going to give straight 10's to this story. which consists
of little more than sophomoric humor - but written by a sophomore at a
very good school!
Aliens have been sent to examine earthly culture, and the being in
charge of reproductive analysis has had trouble selecting his samples.
After you read this story, you'll probably recognize it as an elaborate
development of a familiar sex joke.
Ratings for "Spaced Out"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Taken" by kollontai (amadora@hotmail.com). You should either skip this
one or read it carefully. When I first started to read it, I thought I
had my first grammatically incoherent entry for this contest. Then I
realized it was poetry, and I read the story accordingly. Terse prose
is not the right way to review poetic prose. So read this story
yourself if you want to be touched by the feelings of a woman who has
become dominated by a man whose power overcomes her. This type of
behavior is not my cup of tea, but I still felt that I understood the
narrator's emotions as I read the story.
Ratings for "Taken"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"An Unintentional Voyeur" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). We all
know the feeling: we come home early when we're supposed to be gone for
the entire weekend. Our younger sister has taken advantage of our
absence and our parents' absence to have her boyfriend stay overnight.
We listen, and practically have an orgasm imagining the actions that
accompany what we hear. But all is not what it seems.
Ratings for "An Unintentional Voyeur"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Victorian Tale" by Hoosier Red (xanadu1@ibm.net). It is a dark and
stormy night, but isn't it always is in Victorian or gothic stories? The
woman has offered the man dinner while his clothes dry, another common
Victorian ploy. The husband is away and the wife must play. Forbidden,
glorious, all a dream, his hands finding the curve of her hips at the
end, and clutching... I'd like to meet this Victor guy someday.
Ratings for "A Victorian Tale"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Watching" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). Excellent story! This
one is going to make the final cut. It's hot and imaginative - with
several double whammies. I can't tell you anything else without ruining
it for you. Check this one out!
Ratings for "Watching"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Watching 3" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). No, Tom; you can't set
me up with a story like "Watching" and then expect me to rave over this
one. This tale about two voyeurs on a beachfront is a nice little
story, but it relies too much on the final twist, which didn't fool me
at all.
Ratings for "Watching 3"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"What Choice?" by Art. The man is unhappy with his wife. Although she
is beautiful, she is demanding. His solution is one you have not
thought of - I'll bet on it!
Ratings for "What Choice?"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Windmill Saga" by Robert Brennan (anon584c@nyx.net). As I stated in
the review of "Dune What Comes Naturally," Uther Pendragon has posted
two entries for this contest - one under the name of each of his two
main fictional characters. This is Bob Brennan's entry. It reads like
Dulcinea with a sad ending. I guess that's plausible. Bob very well
might have written this story; the more romantic but less adventurous
Jeanette would probably write the more optimistic "Dune What Comes
Naturally."
In this story the woman awakens in the middle of the night to find her
husband exhausted at the computer. With a burst of Dulcinea-like
energy, she fucks his brains out and puts him happily to sleep. What
sad ending could possibly come from this wonderful act of love? Read
the story to find out.
Ratings for "Windmill Saga"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Yardstick" by John Thomas (JohnThomas@compusurge.com). Two couples
have gathered for an evening of pleasant conversation and sexual
innuendo. Betsy announces that her husband has a 20-incher. The other
couple says "No way!" and Betsy says "Way!" and her husband shows all.
Betsy lied, but not in the way you may think.
Ratings for "Yardstick"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8