Celestial Reviews 180 - May 10, 1997
Netiquette Note: On a.s.s.d. I have been subjected to criticism for
quoting in my review a part of an e-mail message from a correspondent.
My position is that I received a message that expressed a question and
that I posted that question verbatim without mentioning the author's
name or in any way expressing hostility toward that person. If this
person has been subjected to psychological pain as a result of my
quoting him/her, I don't think it was my fault. {In fact, this person
himself/herself has never communicated with me further.} By posting the
message I was able to obtain input from readers, and I have slightly
modified my policy as a result of the combined input from the original
correspondent and other readers. Some people on a.s.s.d. seem to think
that I should have obtained permission from the original author before
posting the brief quotation. I don't see why this would be necessary.
Last week my pastor quoted from a note he had received. He did not
mention the name of the person who wrote the note; the people in the
congregation had no idea who it was; and I doubt that he asked
permission. This sort of thing happens all the time.
I think my Reviews resemble a magazine, and a person writing to a writer
of a magazine column must certainly be aware that correspondence is
likely to be treated in the manner in which I treated this e-mail
message. Although I DO sometimes respond to individual correspondents,
I generally do not have time to do so. Indeed, sometimes it is obvious
that the information would be usefully shared with all my readers. I
try to use good judgment, and if something is obviously personal, I
won't quote it. The following is an example of a message I would not
quote:
My mom and dad have been fucking like bunnies ever since we moved into
the new house. People have a wrong opinion of my Dad. They think he's
chasing a woman from Arkansas, but he's really more interested in Secret
Service Agents with big muscles. They often play footsies when he goes
to McDonald's in my mom's dirty underpants. People think my Mom is an
Ice Queen, but my teacher tells me that really most female dominants are
that way, especially those with little tits who submit their stories to
a.s.s. under false names and make undeservedly harsh criticisms of hard-
working grammar goddesses. For my own part, I have pert breasts and
think your reviews are way cool. I am 35 years old and hope you will
review my story entitled "Single Whitehouse Female Cums in Buckets."
Of course, the reason I would not publish this letter verbatim is
because it mentions events that probably never occurred in a highly-
regarded family restaurant. However, if this specter frightens you, then
don't say to me in writing anything that might embarrass you if it is
quoted anonymously.
Second Note: The TEX issue has come up again on a.s.s.d. As you may
recall, a person named Dachthyus wrote a story called "Raped Teen
Burglar," in which a young "gentleman" caught a teenage girl
burglarizing his apartment and as a punishment decided to make her into
his sex slave for life. An author named TEX reposted the entire
original story, sarcastically stated that it was "obviously incomplete,"
and added an ending in which he used almost the exact words of the
original author to generate a story that made the "gentleman" look like
a complete, pitiable asshole. The current accusation is that I
(Celeste) "don't want authors to receive credit for their work" because
I praised TEX's story.
Please note that the REAL issue here is not whether I think authors
should receive credit for their work, but rather where to draw the line
in reposting and altering the work of others. I DO think that authors
deserve credit for their work, and I object to the practice of reposting
stories with the names of the authors removed or altering a story and
taking credit as if the person who made the alterations had written the
story. The question is whether a person (1) can and (2) should repost a
story written by someone else and modify that story. I'm not a lawyer
and haven't even slept with one recently, but I think this is a legally
and morally ambiguous area. I'd really like to know the answer.
A sensible course of action at this point would be to look at TEX's
"Raped Teen Burglar." As I understand my detractors, however, we can't
do that, unless we get the permission of both Dachthyus and TEX to
repost their stories. If I reposted those stories myself, I would be
violating someone's rights, just as TEX is supposed to have violated
those of Dachthyus.
What I am saying here is that I think my detractors have alleged that
TEX had no right even to repost the original story without the
permission of Dachthyus. As I understand it, they are claiming that
only the author can post a story, unless he/she gives explicit
permission to the contrary. That may be true; certainly only a person
who has the author's permission has the right to publish the hardcopy
work of a hardcopy author. I may be jumping ahead too fast here, but it
seems to me that by this same logic all the people who have reposted
Deirdre's stories, the A+ stories, the THC archives, and the many other
repostings are breaking the law, unless there is an explicit statement
of permission from the original author.
I honestly don't know whether the final sentence of the preceding
paragraph is true. However, I DO know that people who post on this
newsgroup assume a certain state of anarchy, and I do not feel that I am
contributing to the violation the rights of, say, Deirdre when I read a
story of hers that has been reposted by someone else. I WOULD feel that
I was doing something illegal and immoral if I put one of Deirdre's
stories into a book or onto a disk and sold it for a personal profit.
Back to TEX. What TEX had written was a parody of a story by Dachthyus.
If the Dachthyus story existed in hardcopy, he could have published his
addition and told people to read it after they read the other story,
much as Mark Twain suggested that people read his satire of James
Fennimore Cooper after they read some of the latter's improbable
frontier tales. However, the Dachthyus story did not exist on paper,
and so what TEX did was repost the entire Dachthyus story followed by
TEX's addition. TEX inserted a note at the beginning that clearly
stated what part was his and what part had been written by Dachthyus.
TEX did not delete or alter any part of what Dachthyus had written; he
simply added a second part that cleverly reversed the impression the
reader would get from the story. Anyone who read the story could easily
ascertain what was written by Dachthyus and what was added by TEX.
I'm not really sure how TEX could have gotten around the problem. He
could have simply posted HIS half of the story with a note that said,
"Go find and read the story by Dachthyus before you read this one."
Since the Dachthyus story was not very good, most readers would not be
able to do this; and it is unlikely that Dachthyus would repost his
story under these circumstances. Maybe the answer is that TEX SHOULDN'T
have the freedom to post his story. Certainly TEX had the right to
modify the story and to regale his wife or mistress and close friends
with his cleverness, just as I can draw a mustache on a famous painting
and hang it with impunity on the wall in my dining room. Maybe that's
what the copyright law says. If so, is it at all appropriate to
consider whether the copyright law will be enforced? I personally think
so. In other words, if nobody is going to get upset when somebody
reposts the stories of Deirdre or Michael K. Smith, then maybe I'm not
going to get upset when someone reposts a weak story and turns it into a
better story - especially when the person who reworks and revises the
story gives proper credit to the original author. As a critic/reviewer,
I'm going to look at TEX's work and say, "This is a good story!"
As I have said, I don't know the answers here. I DO believe that TEX's
story was a good one. However, I guess we'll never know. According to
my critics, only TEX and Dachthyus have the right to repost their work,
and I haven't seen either of them around here for a long time.
Third Note: Remember the Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest. The
rules are that the story must in some way be about sex and must be
restricted to 500 words or less. In addition, the story should include
some sort of unusual twist - like the unexpected self-revelation Robert
Browning's poem "My Last Duchess" or the surprise endings in several of
Vickie Tern's "Teasers" or Deirdre's stories. If you wish, you can
submit several super-short stories together (as Vickie Tern has now done
on two occasions), or you can post them separately under separate
titles. However, I'll give first prize to the best STORY, not to the
best collection. The deadline for submissions will be June 3, which my
calendar tells me is the date on which the Catholic Church will
celebrate the feast of St. Charles Lwanga and his companions.
Fourth Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"B'Elanna and Kathryn" by Kazlman (ff sci fi sex) 8, 5, 5
"A Change of Direction" by Tigger (sci fi TG)
"The Multi-colored Rose" by Holly (from virgin to slut)
10, 8, 9
"Metamensity" by Eli the Bearded (sci fi sex) 10, 10, 10
"Smelling Mara" by Scott S. Stevens (bondage) 8, 7, 6
"Foretaste" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
"The Blackboard" by James Green (hypnosis) 7, 8, 8
"A Matter Of Curiosity" by James Charles Lynn (threesome)
10, 9, 10
"Tricia" by daVinci (romance) 10, 10, 10
"Tabitha" by MountainTop (D&s) 10, 10, 10
"Erotic Foolishness" by Renae Nicks (romance) 9.5, 10, 10
* "The Final Mission" by Spook (Action Adventure) 10, 10, 10
* "Change of Pace" by Mike Allegretto and Caitlin B. (sci fi TG)
8, 10, 10
* "Voortrekkers" by Uther Pendragon (sexy memories & romance)
10, 10, 10
* "A Midsummer Night's Dream - Some Additional Scenes" by
Ed Stauff (poetic parody) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"B'Elanna and Kathryn" by Kazlman (Kazlman69@aol.com). Captain Kathryn
Janeway is feeling a bit down. She's been away from earth too long, and
she needs a man, but there are no worthy targets for her affection on
the Voyager. So she makes an offer to B'Elanna, a half-human crew
member, and they have happy sex together. That's all there is to it.
Maybe if you're a trekkie there's more to this story than met my eye. I
expected something interesting (like maybe science fiction) to occur,
but nothing much happened in this story.
Ratings for "B'Elanna and Kathryn"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"A Change of Direction" by Tigger (sci fi TG).. This story is an
alternative ending to "A Change of Pace" by Mike Allegretto and Caitlin
B. Because it is long, I do not have time to read and review it before
it is likely to disappear from the postings. However, I have looked the
story over, and it appears to be a valid continuation of the previous
story, to which I have high ratings. Therefore, I am reposting the
review of "Change of Pace," and I suggest that if you like science
fiction and transgender stories, you take a look at this one yourself.
(No rating)
"The Multi-colored Rose" by Holly (Kansica@aol.com). I really should
adopt an ironclad policy with regard to incomplete stories, and then I
should send a form letter like the following to people who send me
unfinished stories: "Because people have a tendency to start stories
that they don't finish and because it is really impossible for me to
review a story until I have seen the whole thing, I must decline to
review your story at the present time. Please resubmit it to me when you
are finished with it." That policy sounds logical and simple, but it's
difficult to put into practice."
Sometimes I simply cannot make sense out of a story, and then I invoke
the policy described in the previous paragraph. At other times I
compromise and decide to review what the author has submitted; however,
if the incompleteness of the story makes it difficult to understand, I
let that incompleteness influence the rating for plot and character.
That's what I have done with the present story. It appears to be a good
story; but there's obviously "something missing" in the plot and
characterization - like, the rest of the story. If this author
eventually sends me the rest the story when she finishes it, I'll
reconsider the ratings.
The best way to evaluate and review long stories would be to treat them
the way I treat Stephanie's stories. She has been posting a new TG
story, which has 7 parts so far. I have been carefully ignoring these
postings; but when she is all finished, Stephanie will send me the whole
story with all its parts, and I'll review it at that time. That makes
perfect sense. That procedure makes it easy for me to review the story
in a way that is useful for my readers. The problem appears to be that
authors can't stand the wait: they have to rush to press as soon as they
have something to say.
An exception is the serialized story in which each part really does
stand alone: for example, Mark Aster and Uther Pendragon write this kind
of story. In such cases I am perfectly willing to read and evaluate
each "chapter" or "part" as the author posts it.
The present story is about a woman who has gone from virgin to slut and
back to a stable life - I think. At the present time she has been
seduced by her best friend's brother while the best friend watched and
kind of supervised operations. It was hot stuff and made me wish there
were more, and for that reason I have given this story tentatively good
ratings. You'll hear more from me when the final part is posted. Maybe
by that time I'll know why this story has this title.
Ratings for "The Multi-colored Rose"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Metamensity" by Eli the Bearded (usenet-tag@qz.little-neck.ny.us).
This story was inspired either by Voltaire or by "Honey I Shrank the
Kids" - or maybe it's just the idle ramblings of a dirty old man.
Picture this. The man finds himself inside a woman's bra. Either the
man has become very tiny or this is one big Mamma! As he explores, he
discovers that her aroused clitoris is about the size of his foot. This
is a mutually beneficial revelation, since he has a bit of a foot
fetish.
This story could be better, in the sense that the author could have
explored a lot more of the possibilities; but I appreciated his
restraint. I thought this was an unusual, creative story.
Ratings for "Metamensity"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Smelling Mara" by Scott S. Stevens (sstevens@omnifest.uwm.edu).
Remember when the fireman came to your school and told you how dangerous
it was to smoke cigarettes in bed? Well, what about smoking marijuana
in a waterbed? I mean, if the danger lies in the fact that there might
be a fire, wouldn't the waterbed burst and put out the fire? But then
maybe the electricity would short circuit and cause further problems.
And as for carcinogens - if you're fucking with a guy you hardly know
anyway, you're a heckuva lot more likely to die from AIDS or a social
disease than from cancer; so why worry?
The two people in this story make love in a waterbed, but the author
makes it sound more sexually stimulating than I did in the previous
paragraph. He also ties Mara up and shaves her pussy and does other
things to make her realize what a great stud he is. I guess guys think
that most women really like to be treated like this. This isn't even
remotely close to the truth, but I guess guys can fantasize all they
want.
A minor problem arises from sentences like this: "With her panties still
on, I attached the padded restraints to her ankles, and tied one end to
the frame." There is a sense in which this sentence is fine as written,
and I have no objection to guys wearing panties; but I think the author
meant to say, "While she still had her panties on, I attached the padded
restraints to her ankles, and tied one end to the frame." Being simply a
beautiful woman who smells sexy when she gets turned on, I don't think
Mara really cares about the grammar. Now, there's my point! Having
read the previous sentence, you don't know whether I am using the
language correctly and myself laying claim to those virtues or writing a
misplaced modifier that concedes these characteristics to the lewd and
lascivious Mara. I see no harm in a more careful proofreading, but
actually I can guess at the meaning from context and I also know, for
example, that "emminating" is really a variant spelling for "emanating,"
since that's what aromas are likely to do from a pussy. What this story
really needs is a little more plausibility to the plot and a more free-
flowing, natural mode of expression.
Ratings for "Smelling Mara"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Foretaste" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Bob and Jeanette are
continuing with their journey through life. This story is heavily laced
with the realities of existence. They have partially overcome their
financial problems, but now they are faced with the decision of
deferring Jeanette's education even longer while they have a baby and
begin to raise a family. Their sex life continues to be a unitive force
in their lives. Some activities they have found wanting and have
discarded, and some they have found wanton and have retained them.
Here's a sex-related word that appears in this story for probably the
first time ever on this newsgroup: "blastomere", as in, "We had entered
into another relationship. Our child was not yet born, not even a
fetus, but -- at most -- a blastula." Just thought you might like to
know.
Ratings for "Foretaste"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Blackboard" by James Green (UYFZ78A@prodigy.com). Ms. Lei is one
of those inscrutable Asian people who teach English at places like
Bayside High School. One day she asks two sexy little nymphs to stay
after school. She hypnotizes them by writing boring, repetitive things
on the blackboard. They respond wonderfully, but afterwards they can
only recall that Ms. Lei helped them with their spelling. This has been
a trick long used by English teachers - writing boring, repetitive
things on the blackboard, but rarely with the success with which Ms. Lei
wrote. If this worked so well, you would think that English teachers,
being the humanitarians that they are, would make kids respond by
remembering some of the boring things they have written on the board;
but it turns out that these English teachers are memorable only for
their inanity. At the end of the story Ms. Lei decides that maybe she
will coach a sports team next year - doubtlessly because she feels
certain that by writing the instructions on the board she can get them
to block out, guard their opponents, etc. Actually, this is a simple
but nice story about mind control, but which could benefit from some
proofreading and plot development.
Ratings for "The Blackboard"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"A Matter Of Curiosity" by James Charles Lynn (THC Archives). Debi has
been contemplating having sex with another woman, but she wants John to
come along as a sort of security blanket. All goes well, but then Amy
(the other woman) realizes that John may be feeling lonely; and so she
finds a way to rectify that situation. They eventually become happy
hedonists, much like the people in "The Trinity Trilogy" series.
While recognizing the rough spots that are likely to occur in such a
threesome, this story still manages to present some really hot sex in a
plausible context. As I have said in the past, I can think of lots of
reasons for not doing things like this, but the notion that it doesn't
sound like fun is not one of my reasons.
Ratings for "A Matter Of Curiosity"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Tricia" by daVinci (rmbte1@ix.netcom.com). The narrator used to teach
literature to Tricia back in high school. In the intervening four years
he has fantasized about her: boy meets girl, boy fucks girl into coma,
boy can get some sleep. Now Tricia has come to visit, and she tells her
former teacher that she'd like to become better at sex. The star actress
of his mental movies has come to him and said, "We should try to get
together." The narrator overcomes his reluctance and helps out -
repeatedly.
Will she merely use the narrator in order to develop her skills and
return to the wretchedly inept Peter back in her home town? Or will
they realize that they belong together and live happily ever after? Or
will Peter come to join them? You'll have to read the story to find
out. I WILL mention, however, that Tricia gets over her prudish
reluctance to engage in oral sexual activity. I found this to be a
stimulating and interesting story.
The word for today is "disinterested." It means free of bias and self-
interest - impartial. When the narrator expressed concern that Tricia
would perceive him to be disinterested, he probably meant
"uninterested." The distinction is worth preserving, especially if you
ever have to judge a beauty contest, where you are allowed to be
interested but are supposed to be disinterested.
Ratings for "Tricia"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Tabitha" by MountainTop (Topspace4@aol.com). This story is a blend of
what appears to be accurate information about some of the women who work
in stripper bars and the narrator's fantasy about what he would like to
have done with one of these women. The narrator visits a bar while he
is away on a business trip, and he meets Tabitha, who has sexual
interests that are similar to his own. At first she gets to know him by
reading his stories and then she ventures off to his motel with him.
They don't actually copulate, but they engage in several erotic D&s
activities together.
My criticism of many D&s stories is that they often don't make sense to
an outsider. That may be fine for the author, if he wants to write only
for insiders - people who are already turned on to D&s and simply want
to see some stereotypical rituals performed in a different context.
This author avoids that pitfall: as I read the story I got the
impression that I was experiencing some aspects of life that were not
familiar to me, and they made sense to me. I'm not inspired to go out
and try the same things, but I have s slightly better understanding of
people who do so. I appreciate that in a story.
I might add that my own experiences with stripper bars have been far
different from this. I have visited such establishments only when I was
out of town (far from my students, their parents, and school board
members) and in the company of my husband. My impression has been that
these are often tawdry places where the dancers are extremely artificial
and not all that attractive and have a lot more pressing things on their
rather mundane minds than revealing their titillating personalities or
having philosophical discussions with fascinating customers. Of course,
maybe one gets a different response if one selects the establishment
more carefully, tips more robustly, and isn't obviously accompanied by
one's spouse.
Ratings for "Tabitha"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Erotic Foolishness" by Renae Nicks (RenaeNicks@aol.com). The woman has
broken up with her boyfriend after a long relationship and has
befriended a guy whose girlfriend lives far away. Things start out
platonic and cool, but they warm up quickly. What I liked best about
this story was that the sex was both hot and realistic. For example, on
one crucial occasion the female narrator is having her period when the
guy stops by and urgently wants to express his affection for her. They
find a way to do it that is both romantic and likely to happen in real
life. The story has an air of wistful nostalgia that adds to its
impact.
The story has a few grammar and style glitches. For example: "His dick
was a little longer and thinner than the one I was used to, which was
actually a bit easier for me to deal with." Whose penis did the
cocksucker savor? Actually, the grammatical connection is to the dick
she was used to (Mark's), but I THINK she meant to express approbation
for the longer and thinner one (Brian's) which was being engulfed by her
eager mouth. It's imperfect style to use "which" to refer to an entire
clause or to an implied idea; and this usage is an especially bad idea
when there is a nearby noun to which the "which" might be applied.
"I felt badly about how things ended the other night." One of the
problems my husband faces in sleeping with an English teacher is the
copulative verb. Over the years he has learned that if I say I feel
GOOD because he feels WELL, this means that he is fondling me adeptly.
If I feels good because he feels GOOD, this means that he is in a state
of euphoria that is having a secondary benefit applicable to me. It all
works out quite well in practice, but the point is the speaker probably
felt BAD (not badly) about how things ended up that other night. And
when you think about it, things weren't all that bad, because things
went well when they made up, which was good, which is an apparent
violation of the "which" rule in the previous paragraph.
Here's some friendly advice to potential authors: even if you have a
good story, consider the possibility of having somebody other than
yourself look at it before you go to press. If you need help finding a
reader, let me know, and I'll match you up with somebody from my free
proofreading service.
Ratings for "Erotic Foolishness"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Change of Pace" by Mike Allegretto and Caitlin B.
(caitlinb@concentric.net). Jack is a bit of a rationalist: he doesn't
believe in magick. But his mother is a white witch, which means that
she can cast benevolent and humorous spells, like Samantha used to do on
"Bewitched." So she changes Jack into a person who looks just like
Agent Scully from the "X-Files." Actually, the transformation process
continues in several steps in 15 minute intervals until he becomes
totally female, but Mom doesn't tell him exactly what these steps are.
In addition, there are several other rules that are explained in the
story.
Since the change will be temporary (unless he requests that it be
permanent), Jack decides to play along, to enjoy it, and to make mental
notes that he can enjoy later. After all, he has lusted after the
Scully character for a long time, and soon he will be encapsulated
inside her body! There are several additional interesting twists and
turns in this story.
Chapters 1-3 were written some time ago by Mike Allegretto, and
Chapters 4-6 were drafted by Caitlin B., and finished by Caitlin B.
after feedback from Mike Allegretto. The two halves don't match up
perfectly (the pace of the second half is different from that of the
first, and the first three chapters develop at a more leisurely pace
than the last three), and some proofreading would have been in order;
but it's still a pretty good collaboration.
Ratings for "Change of Pace"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Voortrekkers" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Bob and
Jeanette Brennan are moving out of their apartment. It was "Bob and
Jeanette" who had moved into this apartment; it is "the Brennans" are
moving out. These two people are really in love. Sometimes it's
nauseating. I sometimes feel the urge to exit one of these Bob and
Jeanette stories and read a more wholesome, realistic rape and torture
story. But then I keep reading, and I am invariably glad I did.
I have friends who tease me about my own marriage. They are certain
that I am either simple-minded or lying: nobody can be this happy all
the time sleeping with the same man. {Actually, some of them are
certain that nobody could be this happy sleeping with ANY VARIETY of
men.} It would get boring, they say; and sometimes it does. Some of my
friends know what hell is really like, because they have been married.
What's nice about the Bob and Jeanette stories is that they are
realistically and blissfully happy. They have their ordinary lives
where they struggle together with mundane problems, but their genuine
love for each other is a source of strength, stability, and happiness.
At times it gets to where their sex life would HAVE to become boring;
but by God, somehow it gets even better.
I had a friend who was in the perfect marriage. She got divorced last
year. I was disillusioned. This author has a responsibility to keep
Bob and Jeanette together. They're the main source of stability in the
lives of millions of readers throughout the uncensored world. Please,
please - don't let them go the way of Bo and Billie or the other people
on the soaps.
These people have become my friends. I was actually excited to hear
that Jeanette has learned French! Ooops... I don't want to spoil the
surprise for you. They keep t'aiming and t'adoring as they drive across
the country to their new home in Boston, where Bob will continue his
education and Jeanette will get a job to continue to make that education
possible.
The story is a really outstanding blend of current events and past
memories; and the memories themselves are a wonderful blend of things I
myself know (from previous stories) and new information from the Early
Life and Courtship of Bob and Jeanette; and those memories are a
delightful blend of ideas and events that overlap with my own life and
things completely new to me. And the blends are very sexy.
Come to think of it, in some ways Bob is even better than my husband.
For example, as far as I can see, Bob never farts during really intimate
moments. I think Bob may also be better with his hands, although my
husband still seems to have the edge with regard to his tongue.
I am reminded of my daughter, who makes a similar comment about her
birthday each and every year - this is the best Bob and Jeanette story
ever!
Ratings for "Voortrekkers"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Final Mission" by Spook (Spook95613). Movies get rated
"not for children" if they contain too much sex and violence.
This story would probably qualify for censorship on the basis of
its sex alone, but violence is its main credential. However, it's
not stupidly gratuitous sex and violence; there's also a
meaningful plot to which the sex and violence make legitimate
contributions. What annoys me is that some Neanderthal is going
to read this story and say, "Hanging the girl on a meat hook and
taking her picture after killing her with agonizing slowness!
That's really a neat idea! Why didn't I think of that?" As I
read this story, I saw a good combination of sexiness, dedication,
courage, intelligence, and violence that kept me constantly
interested in the plot.
Let me warn you that this is a long story; and if you're looking
for hot sex for a quick turn-on, you might want to look elsewhere.
My husband is a Rambo fan, and I've learned to tolerate that genre
(largely through classical conditioning - pleasant sensations have
tended to develop during commercials and lulls in the action). He
liked this story, and so did I.
There are a few minor problems. For example, the heroine would have
been caught and killed long before she could have accomplished anything,
except that she stumbled across a duffel or gym bag that the fiendish
enemy had carelessly left where she could find it. Just another
coincidence to keep the story going! Both Thomas Hardy and Mark Twain
were notorious for such coincidences; but I like it better when there's
a little less reliance on such events. In addition, I simply assumed
that the military technology and planning made sense; it sounded good,
but I don't know much about those topics. I'm not a Sweet SOU or
anything - although I hear that's going to be a requirement for the next
generation of English teachers.
Ratings for "The Final Mission"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "A Midsummer Night's Dream - Some Additional Scenes" by Ed
Stauff. This is really good stuff! (Pardon the weak pun on the
author's name.) What we have here are sexy lines that fit in
almost perfectly with the spirit and tempo of Shakespeare's play.
Here are a few sample lines:
HER. Ye Gods, the size! However will it fit?
HEL. It has betimes. See, in it slides with ease.
O dearest dear Demetrius, you please
Me far beyond description.
DEM. Thou likewise.
and later:
HEL. In this our amorous play you may join
And yet not spend your precious virgin coin;
A hundred variations has the sport
Of love, we'll demonstrate a diff'rent sort.
I'll take in hand Demetrius' proud tool,
Still wet from bathing in my secret pool,
And guide it to another pair of lips
And from his fountain take lascivious sips.
Besides reading this for the pure, naughty enjoyment, there are
many other uses to which one can put this material. For example,
when I was in college I had a boorish snob of a classmate who
really didn't know Jack Shit about Shakespeare. It would have
been easy (and fun) to insert these lines into her text when it
came time for her to read aloud. The lines are so cleverly
written that they look as genuinely Shakespearean as anything
Francis Bacon ever wrote!
I'm not going to spend more time writing about this poetry. It's
excellent; and if you enjoy Shakespeare, you'll enjoy this parody.
Ratings for "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10