Celestial Reviews 174 - April 19, 1997
Note: I received the following e-mail message this week:
"I have just become aware of your reviews. Who are you anyway? Why are
you reviewing the work of others? Do you write anything yourself ? Did
anyone ask you to do this or is this just something you do to keep from
actually contributing something yourself? I ask these questions because
from all the requests for my stories , either from my website or from
the other two sites where my stories are archived, I don't see where
your reviews do anything constructive except maybe send more people
looking for my stories. Try writing. We that do, don't consider
ourselves professional but write because it is something we love to do."
This message suggests to me that the author has found my reviews to be
offensive - he seems to wish that I would stop picking on innocent
writers. I suppose I can (and perhaps should and shall) reply by
reposting my FAQ, but it has never occurred to me that my reviews would
be perceived as offensive to innocent people. I need to know the extent
to which this perception is widespread.
I have received literally thousands of messages. One author called me
something like a stupid asshole because I had given straight 1's to his
story (which he e-mailed to me for review). I had said the story was
illiterate and had no plot, and he angrily asked what was wrong with
that? Another time I received a well-written, detailed letter that
vehemently denounced me for my inability to understand the viewpoint of
men who liked to inflict serious pain on women (or of women who seem to
enjoy being degraded). I guess I had said something like I didn't
understand the difference between that kind of behavior and mental
illness or something like that. Other than these, I honestly don't
recall a single unfavorable comment prior to this one.
Of course, whenever I make a grammar mistake, I get messages that point
this out to me. I don't consider these to be hostile; I enjoy them.
There's one especially astute pundit who sends his criticisms in verse.
There is another critic who occasionally posts counter-reviews, in which
he praises stories that I have failed to include on my annual or monthly
Top Story lists. Other than those, the most frequent criticism I get is
that I am "too easy" - meaning that I give high ratings to too many
stories.
I suppose what may be most "offensive" is that I often pick a story out
of the postings and review it without the author requesting the review.
I try to select new authors in this way, and many of them write to me to
express their appreciation. The advantage is that many of you readers
find out about these authors through my reviews and begin reading that
author yourselves. However, I suppose if an innocent author posts a
story and receives ratings of, say, 7's and gets criticized for bad
grammar, he might feel the way I do when a stranger walks up to me in a
restaurant and tells me that my blouse doesn't really go with my skirt.
My feeling is that if a person publishes publicly, he/she should expect
public criticism, and I really do try to be polite - especially with new
authors. Is this something I should be concerned about?
The answer to why I write these reviews is because I think it's fun and
I like the feeling that I am contributing to the happiness of others by
(1) giving constructive feedback to authors, (2) enabling readers to
find good stories more efficiently, and (3) supplying advice and
incentives for authors to write better. I have been doing this for
about 22 months now, and it is my opinion that the quality of stories on
this newsgroup has improved greatly in that time. I honestly suspect
that my input can account for some of this improvement.
I have posted only one story myself, and I hesitate to post more. I
would feel self-conscious. If I did want to post some stories, I would
probably do so under another name, so that I would not feel that I was
being publicly scrutinized by people whom I have critiqued. Actually,
for all you know, I may be doing that already. Perhaps I am Plainman or
Mike Hunt. If I were really creative, I would throw you off the track
by writing really sexy stories in a style that I have vehemently and
publicly rejected - like Summer's Rose.
I am not trying to start a public support campaign, and I definitely do
not want people to pick on the person who sent this message to me. He
seems to be a sincere individual who is genuinely miffed at my perceived
arrogance. However, sometimes I go to considerable trouble to read the
stories that are submitted to me and to post these reviews on schedule,
and I would like to know whether it's worth the effort. My plan is to
continue reviewing as many stories as possible that come to me by e-mail
and to look for and review unsolicited stories that I find in the a.s.s.
and a.s.s.m. postings. Please let me know if you think this is a
worthwhile endeavor.
Second Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my
stories for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Maria in Maine" by Mike Hunt (hot threesome) 10, 10, 10
"Mind Snatchers" by Simon bar Sinister (science fiction)
10, 10, 10
"First Love" by Unknown Author (emerging adolescence)
6, 9, 7
"A Hard Place" by W. Dale Cramer (no sex) 10, 10, 10
"Night Breezes" by Unknown Author (moonlit sex off the beach)
9, 7, 9
"Role Reversal" by Unknown Author (sex with the car hop)
10, 8, 9
"Fast-Acting and Safe" by mandible (unconscious sex) 10, 9, 9
"Homework!" by Dulcinea (schoolgirl sex) 10, 9, 9
"The Long Drive Home by Dulcinea (highway sex) 10, 9, 9
"Heat" by Don Boettger (scientific research on estrus) 9, 9, 9
"Boney" by Darius (spanking) 6, 6, 5
"Dancing in the Rain" by David (sex in the rain) 8, 8, 9
"The Letter" by Dulcinea (love letter) 10, 9, 9
* "Lunchtime!" by Dulcinea (quickie at the restaurant)
10, 10, 10
* "Memories of Summer" by Dulcinea (outdoor sex) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"Maria in Maine" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). When he and his wife
started on a nice trip, the only thing he did NOT want to do was drive 7
hours out of his way to let his wife visit her old college roommate
Maria in upstate Maine. Why's that? Well, in some old pictures he had
seen Maria was about 40 pounds overweight, had bad hair, and didn't
shave her underarms. Still, June had roomed with Maria for two years at
Penn State, and they got along super. And besides, June did give great
head under the table (among other places - see earlier reviews) and so a
side trip to Maine was in order.
Well, time has been good to Maria. As the evening wanes, however, Maria
feels bad. She and June have been reminiscing and telling sorority
stories and Mike Hunt has been totally bored. What can they do to
include him? What, indeed! Surprise! They talk about everything from
politics to religion to movies to Mike's own college days.
Much later June mentions how they always used to talk about how they
slept with the same guys. Just not at the same time. Until now.
The threeway develops really nicely. They don't just jump into bed
together - well, they do, but.... You had better read the story
yourself. It's a good one!
Ratings "Maria in Maine"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Mind Snatchers" by Simon bar Sinister (simon@mcstories.com). Using
mind control strategies, two oversexed but underdeveloped rogue aliens
(Mandrarians, to be precise) take Sarah captive, much to the chagrin of
her boyfriend, Roy. Fortunately, Roy himself is rescued by Dima, a
beautiful woman with a Doctor Who British accent who has dedicated her
life to freeing the known universe from Mandrarian control. Roy joins
Dima in her crusade, but while rescuing the women at an aerobics class
from the aliens, he accidentally turns one of the women (Laura) into his
sex slave by giving her the best orgasm of her life with a single touch
of his hand. From this point, Laura's only goal in life is to be
blindly obedient and to satisfy the needs of her Master. Bummer!
This may all sound a little far-fetched, but I saw what I assume was a
documentary recently on late night cable television. It was about a
sexy woman, whose name happened to be Jeanie, who lived in a bottle and
responded to the whims of a person whom she perceived to be her Master
and who happened to be a 60's-era astronaut living in Cocoa Beach,
Florida. However, that Master was a little less creative than this one
in his demands.
Roy soon finds himself on the horns of a dilemma: he has to either give
into his carnal desires and let the horny Laura have her way with him or
he can save the universe. I wasn't sure why this dichotomy existed; I
thought Roy should simply save the universe with his faithful sidekick
Laura. Roy eventually comes to the same conclusion, as he and Laura team
up with Dima against the Mandrarians.
Here's the line that lets us know for sure that this is science fiction:
""Paddi, I know that I'm just an engineer while you're a teacher. You
play a much more important role in society and you make a whole lot more
money than I do."
This is a good story: fanciful but hot sex and good humor.
Ratings for "Mind Snatchers"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"First Love" by Unknown Author (gval7904@flash.net). Stories by teenage
authors can be interesting. When they write about "young love," teenage
authors have the advantage of being "young" and perhaps in love. On the
other hand, the often lack perspective and the ability to express
themselves really well. Sometimes this simplicity of expression
enhances the story, sometimes it doesn't.
Of course, we all know that the disclaimers at the beginning of nearly
all the stories on this newsgroup prohibit teenagers from even reading
these stories, and I presume that prohibition is strictly enforced.
Therefore, I'll assume that this story is written by an adult who wants
to give the impression that it is written by a teenager. Got that?
Aside from stylistic problems, this is a simple retelling of a story
that has happened and has been told thousands of times. The 15-year-old
boy and the 14-year-old girl are in love and make love for the first
time while she is babysitting. The story is realistic and sexy. The
kids do not use any protection. She assumes that since he loves her
that he won't give her any form of STD and they naively don't give any
thought to pregnancy. In the real world the word for this is stupid,
but I presume we are operating here in the fantasy world where pregnancy
and AIDS don't exist. However, even if we put this story in the real
world, this really is the way young teenagers often think and act with
regard to sexual behavior.
When I was 14, my mother told me I was too young to have sex. When I
asked when I could make love to someone, she said after college, when I
got married. It sounded like a long time. I stayed busy with sports
and studies and cheerleading. I learned to kiss, to neck, to
masturbate, and to fantasize.
Aside from religious principles, the main reason NOT to do what the two
kids do in this story is because it will be hard to stop. What in the
world are these two kids going to do for an encore? They believe that
they will be in love forever. Kids often really do express that belief,
but this is not very probable - or even desirable. I know lots of my
young friends who started sex very young, and the simple fact is that
they just aren't (on the average) as happy now as are my friends who
waited until they were older. There are exceptions, of course; but they
ALL assumed they would be the exception.
Anyway, this story does a good job of presenting teen sex from a teen
perspective. I thought it was simultaneously beautiful, sexy, and sad.
By the way, this is not the same story as the one with the same title
(also by an Unknown Author) that received my award for Top Story of
1996. That story was much longer and more thoroughly developed than
this one.
Ratings for "First Love"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"A Hard Place" by W. Dale Cramer ( A+ Story). This story is labeled "no
sex." Sometimes that means no explicit sex - only tame stuff. This
time it means no sex, literally. This is an excellent story about the
dangers of mining and the mindset of the men who work in the mines. It
has nothing whatsoever to do with the topic of this newsgroup.
Ratings for "A Hard Place"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Night Breezes" by Unknown Author (Looker 2). This is a brief vignette
about a woman who is in the water off a beach on a moonlit night when
she is joined and fucked by a naked stranger. It's not very long, but
it is very sexy. This was reposted as "Looker 2" by the THC Archives.
If anyone knows anything about the identity of this author, I would
certainly like to hear from you. There's also a "Looker 1 (For Her),"
which I have previously reviewed, and "Looker 3 (Role Reversal)", which
I review next.
Ratings for "Role Reversal"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Role Reversal" by Unknown Author (Looker 3). This story is about a lady
who dresses very enticingly to go to a party in the nearby city. She
stops for a hamburger on the way. When she sees the bulge she has
evoked in the pants of the kid who delivers the food, she says fuck the
party and then fucks the kid. It's short but pretty sexy stuff.
This was reposted as "Looker 3" by the THC Archives. If anyone knows
anything about the identity of this author, I would certainly like to
hear from you. There's also a "Looker 2 (Night Breezes )" and "Looker 1
(For Her)," which I have previously reviewed.
Ratings for "Role Reversal"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Fast-Acting and Safe" by mandible (jawbone"@ass.com). Billy is a bit
put off, because he has discovered that Susan has been dating him for
his car and his parents' money. On the other hand, he can't really
complain, since he's a dork and has been dating her because of her tits.
Imagine that. Until now, he has been reserved and polite; but because
of Susan's attitude problem, Billy gives her some date rape pills and
plays around with her sexually and videotapes the session while she's
unconscious. When she wakes up, she likes him better, because she is
horny and he looks more aggressive. Says Susan: "I wish I had a camera
right now. You should see your face!" "I guess I will - later," thinks
Billy.
Ratings for "Fast-Acting and Safe"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Homework!" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). The guy is finished with
a hard day's work, when his wife approaches him in what appears to be a
traditional Catholic schoolgirl's uniform and asks for a ride home. The
dirty old man does awful things to the sweet, innocent young lady. The
title arises from the fact that she considers the activity to be
homework for her sex education class.
I used to wear one of those uniforms. Do you think the nuns had even
the vaguest idea that they were setting us up as sex objects when they
made us dress like that?
Ratings for "Homework!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Long Drive Home" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). After an
enjoyable weekend the man and wife are making the long drive home on an
interstate highway. She turns up the radio to fight off white-line
fever, and this wakens the husband, who begins to fondle her. I suspect
that the author originally planned to have them go all the way with a
hand job in the fast lane. I've done that myself, but with my husband
driving and giving it to me in the passenger seat and in broad daylight.
The author's (and my own) social consciousness and concern for safety
would not encourage doing this to the driver or at night. In other
words, fucking while driving is probably as dangerous as drinking while
driving.
A final note: if you're falling asleep at the wheel, it may be enjoyable
to have a nice restful orgasm, but that's not really likely to help you
stay awake. Instead, listen to that talk show by that idiot who rants
against pornography. I just talk back to him and his callers, and that
keeps me awake all night long.
Ratings for "The Long Drive Home"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Heat" by Don Boettger (A+ Story). The term "heat" refers to the fertile
part of the female reproductive cycle in some animals, often accompanied
by the release of chemical attractants called pheromones which produce
the well-known reaction in the males of the species. We usually apply
the term to humans only in a metaphorical sense. Reading these stories
and writing these reviews may make me horny, and my husband my say I act
like I am in heat; but actually I technically do not fit the definition
of being in heat - indeed, I am often not even fertile, and I am capable
of engaging in many complex behaviors (aside from chewing gum) which
would be improbable for an animal in estrus.
To be (sort of) serious (but just for a moment), how would we describe
the human female. Is it correct to say that she is NEVER in heat? Or
would it be more accurate to say that she is ALWAYS in heat? This is
the basic set-up for the story. The scientists (a man and a woman,
oddly enough) have discovered a drug that hastens the onset of estrus in
animals, but they are uncertain what effect (if any) it will have on
humans.
To test the drug on humans, Gaby impulsively takes a dose. The other
scientist is a real humanitarian: he agrees to hang around Gaby while
she might go into heat - just to make sure nothing happens to her, of
course. Oh, I forgot to tell you, this all takes place in Hawaii - on a
moonlit beach, to be precise. They don't exactly make love all night
long: they fuck, copulate like the pre-human animals they have become,
driven by instinct and need rather than desire. This is an obviously
undesirable situation. It eventually takes Lysol spray to get rid of
his erection.
The story is not as sophomoric as I have made it sound. Actually, the
story takes an interesting idea and explores it in a creative manner.
It's a very good story!
Ratings for "Heat"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Boney" by Darius (darius@cancom.net). The full title of this story is
"Boney Asking Darius for a Good Spanking March 24, 1997." Boney is the
name of a young lady who has behaved despicably by failing to write to
Darius at least twice a week. When they meet in Manila, she
respectfully promises to do better and requests that he spank her
severely to help her remember. He explains the rules very carefully to
her. Then he spanks her. Then he makes love to her. Then they live
happily ever after.
In most courtrooms in the Western World, this behavior is known as
Grounds for Divorce. Even in the Catholic Church, which does not permit
divorce, this is known as Grounds for Annulment. However, on
alt.sex.stories.spanking, this is known as a Sexy Story. Go figure.
I HAVE read stories involving spankings that were sexy. This story is
not awful, but what it really does is present a sort of essay on the
Virtues of Spanking in the context of a really simple plot. I think
maybe people who are into spanking will recognize some sort of ritual
here, but my reaction was, "Why would this be fun?"
Ratings for "Boney"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Dancing in the Rain" by David (david@innercite.com). The guy goes out
to luxuriate in the rainstorm. When he sees a woman dancing in the
park, he makes passionate love to her. That pretty much summarizes the
plot, but it's a lot more interesting than it sounds. The story is
almost poetic in its intensity.
A brief comment - both this and the preceding story describe things I
personally would not do in real life. That is, I am neither going to
submit myself to a man who will spank me abusively nor make love to a
stranger during a summer downpour. A major difference between the two
stories is that the present story makes the activity sound a heck of a
lot more interesting to me as an outsider. There's probably a lesson
here somewhere.
Ratings for "Dancing in the Rain"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Love Letter" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). This is a hot love
letter. There's not much to say about it. If you love someone and are
not very articulate, just make the proper insertions and deletions and
send this to your True Love. Of course, then you'll have to produce on
what you've promised.
Ratings for "The Love Letter"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Lunchtime!" by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). Some people need
to break major taboos in order to get a thrill. They need to have
anal sex with a parent or sibling or at least torture a nun. For
my part, this story is taboo enough for me. The very idea of
making my husband late for work by seducing him at lunchtime is
all the taboo I can handle right now. And Dulcinea tells the
story so nicely!
Ratings for "Lunchtime!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Memories of Summer" by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). The
couple share memories of the past summer while they look at the
photographs that she just picked up. The favorite memory focuses
on a refreshing encounter in a very cold lake. This is a brief,
well-written, sexy, romantic story. It's interesting that
extremely cold water has a positive effect on a woman's nipples and
a negative effect on a man's penis. You math teachers out there
ought to think about this as an example of an inverse relationship.
When she learned from my FAQ that I have athletic proclivities, a reader
sent me this comparison of running and sex. The first line after each
heading describes running, and the second line describes sex. I thought
this was somehow pertinent to the present review, since the story
features athletic activity of sorts.
Useful Fabric
Coolmax
Latex
Best place to do it
Outdoors
Outdoors
Reasons to do it alone
High-Quality reflection time
Don't have to buy someone dinner
Length of typical session
30 to 60 minutes
30 to 60 seconds
Mystical connection
If done right, see God
If done right, say "God"
Teenager's view
When can I stop?
When can I start?
How to get better
Read about others
Watch others
Longtimer's frequency
Daily
Monthly
Goal
Go faster
Go longer
Good shoes
Essential
Optional
Solution for tight leg
Take day off
Take clothes off
Body fat
Too much gets in the way
Too much gets in the way
Questionable source of advice
Jim Fixx
Dr. Ruth
Stretch
Frequently
Marks
Crosstraining Equipment
NordicTrack
Nordic Blonde
Ultimate goal
Peak at the right time
Peak at the right time
What to do between sessions
Have sex
Run
Ratings for "Memories of Summer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10