Celestial Reviews 165 - March 19, 1997
Note: There was once a married couple, and the wife had a serious
problem that her husband could not stand. She liked to wear skirts
without anything on underneath.
One day, after he went to work, she decided she was going shopping for
some new shoes. She got dressed in her favorite skirt and went out to
the local shoe store.
While she was there a man helped her try on a number of shoes, and no
doubt he enjoyed it because he had the perfect view from down there.
After several hours of this he could take no more and said to her, "Miss
I don't mean to be rude or anything but I can't take this anymore. I
would love to eat your pussy full of ice cream."
At this she became totally disgusted and stormed out of the store
shouting her husband would be here to kick his ass later. She went
straight home and waited for here husband.
When he came home, she explained the whole situation to him and demanded
that he go and beat this guy senseless. He simply replied. "No; for
three reasons. One, you shouldn't have been out in a skirt without
anything on underneath. Two, you have hundreds of shoes and don't need
any more. Three, anybody who can eat that much ice cream, I'm not
messing with in the first place!"
Second Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my
stories for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Dinner Time!" by Duclinea (sex before dinner) 10, 9, 10
"Shaving Cream" by Duclinea (romantic fun) 10, 10, 10
"The Photographer" by Mike Hunt (voyeurism & spouse
watching) 10, 10, 10
"Early Morning Love" by Summer's Rose (sex in the shower)
10, 9, 9
"Property Of" by Meredith P. (maniacal castration) 8, 9, 9
"Trip" by Plainman (intelligent & sexy hedonism) 10, 10, 10
"Light Like Butter" by Mark Aster (gay identity) 10, 10, 10
"Midnight Swim" by K. Reber (swimming pool sex) 7, 7, 7
* "Grey" by Lysander (romance) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"Dinner Time!" by Duclinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). The wife asks the
husband to set the table for dinner. Instead he fools around and makes
romantic love to her. Technically, this could be construed as eating
dessert before dinner, which is a violation of Grandma's Law. As a
result, he has mushy broccoli for dinner, but he eats it happily. And
later that night, he has a second helping of dessert.
Ratings for "Dinner Time!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Shaving Cream" by Duclinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). The man wants to make
love, but his wife wants to shave her legs. They compromise. He shaves
her legs, and then things really heat up. This is a very sexy, playful
story.
Ratings for "Shaving Cream"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Photographer" by Mike Hunt (BannerBoy1@aol.com). The guy is a
high-quality amateur photographer, and his neighbor asks him to take
some glamour shots of his lovely wife. It seems that the wife is a bit
shy and that she found it hard - er, difficult - to be sexy around the
last photographer, who was a bit of a geek. Our friendly hero is
certainly not a geek - just a conscientious photographer who wants to do
a good job and who happens to get a hard-on while applying the makeup to
various hills and valleys while preparing the subject for the session.
When the makeup doesn't blend properly with the blush brush, he finds it
necessary to work it in with his fingers. A guy's gotta do what a guy's
gotta do. And so when hubby leaves to run out and get the third bottle
of wine, our hero comes to the sudden realization that there might be
another way to loosen up his shy, demure neighbor in order to help her
strike those sexy poses that her husband so desperately wants. Indeed,
once she gets the guys to take their clothes off, the wife isn't really
all that bashful anymore.
Of course, makeup has to be applied for the beaver shots as well. Why
do guys call a picture that reveals a girl's pussy a beaver shot?
Dammed if I know! {Note: You have to read the spelling of the word
"dammed" in the previous sentence carefully in order to derive
satisfaction from this very clever pun.} Eventually the application of
the makeup (a white creamy mixture) gets a bit out of hand, if you know
what I mean. In the end <g> they decide that another session might be
necessary.
Ratings for "The Photographer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Early Morning Love" by Summer's Rose (sumersrose@aol.com). This is a
story about good, clean sex - that is, sex in the shower. The woman is
having warm thoughts in a warm shower, when her lover joins her for some
early morning delight. This is a very short but sexy story, reminiscent
of the work of Dulcinea. I usually don't like the second person (you)
narrative format, because I feel that it will distract at least some of
the readers of a story. However, in the present case this frame of
reference did not distract ME, largely because some of my own favorite
experiences have occurred under very similar circumstances.
Speaking of favorite experiences, don't you find it odd that there have
been so few stories on this newsgroup that mention ingesting chocolate
chips from private parts of the anatomy during lovemaking?
Ratings for "Early Morning Love"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Property Of" by Meredith P. (MeredithP3@aol.com). One night Robert
finds himself giving a blowjob to Gail - one of those women to whom he
would not normally be attracted but who looked a lot prettier around
closing time. It turns out that she doesn't really like the blowjob,
and so he leaves; but Robert subsequently receives a notice from a
lawyer that he will be charged with rape. It seems pretty certain that
he will do hard time in prison, because "any female can send any man or
boy to prison any time she wants. All she has to do is scream and
point!" Robert checks with his brother who is already in prison, and he
discovers that almost anything is preferable to time in the Big House;
and so he agrees to undergo castration as a settlement to avoid
prosecution. The actual castration will be performed by Gail under the
supervision of a trained surgical nurse. The severed ("culpable") organs
will become the property of Gail or her assignees.
The preceding is the more easily believable, straight part of the story.
If you can buy these premises, you are ready for the rest of the story,
which is full of surprises and unusual violence. I'm not sure some of
this stuff is even possible - and I hope I never find out. Unless, of
course, my husband ever fools around on me. If that happens, I have a
few other ideas that I can add to this story.
Ratings for "Property Of"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Trip" by Plainman (an10176@anon.nymserver.com). This story uses a
completely narrative format to offer an excellent blend of hot and sexy
romantic fiction with several levels of voyeurism and reality. By
several levels, I mean SEVERAL levels: we even have critiques of other
a.s.s. authors worked into the storyline. I simply HAD to keep reading
to see if I came up. {Or as my husband put it, "God, you even smell
sexy. Why don't you just use the search function to check for "Celest"
and come to bed with me?" I did; Plainman did not; we did; but I got
back up to finish the story after I exhausted my husband while I was
describing a bisexual fantasy to him.}
In this storye have two sexy married couples. In each family the
husband and wife are passionate lovers in a predominantly monogamous but
still open marriage. They enjoy incorporating fantasies into their love
life; and as the story develops, they bring their fantasies into their
real lives in very sexy ways. This author does a wonderful job of using
the narrative format to blend flashbacks with present action in such a
way as to fuse sexy events into even hotter images. In addition, the
action outside the sack is often as hot as the actual lovemaking.
There are many interesting and sexy scenes in this story. Here I'll
quote only the one that makes a point that I myself have tried to make
several times in these reviews:
"Joe: ...She (Joe's wife) says it herself - most women are bi, more or
less.
Princess: So are most guys, but you have more incentives to hide it from
yourselves - so anyway, how bi IS Amy?"
My allegation has always been not that most people SHOULD have sex with
people of both genders, but simply that most people COULD enjoy having
sex with people of both genders if they wouldn't suppress those urges -
and perhaps suppress them for perfectly good reasons, such as ethical
believes or a commitment to a monogamous relationship. But if I enjoy
diddling my own clit and having my husband eat me out, why in the world
(aside from conditioned, emotional reactions) would I find it UNpleasant
to have a beautiful woman do the same things to me while I returned the
favor? And the same goes for guys - except, as Princess says, they have
more incentives to hide or suppress their interest.
Oh well, my own commitment to this principle extends only to reading and
enjoying both kinds of stories. As Joe and Princess put it, I'm hetero
and monogamous in my real world but bi and polyamorous in my reel world.
Anyway, I feel an urge to expound my theory at least once every six
months. And this story is an excellent example of my theory in
practice.
These couples represent a hedonistic lifestyle that I personally reject
in real life because I know it would ruin something beautiful with my
husband - but a story likes this presents the case for the temptation in
a very persuasive manner.
I strongly recommend this story. It's a clever, narrative mixture of
Mark Aster, Tom Trilogy, and Uther Pendragon in a SueNH atmosphere with
about thirty-five Dulcinea stories blended into the plot.
Ratings for "Trip"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Light Like Butter" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). Readers take
warning! Even though I give this story a high rating and although it is
about sex, there is actually no sexual activity in it. It is not likely
that this story will give you an orgasm or even lead directly to
foreplay. It's a retrospective story about a young man who some time
ago "came out of the closet" and informed his parents that he was gay.
They (especially the father) essentially disowned him, and the story is
written from the perspective of the son returning home for his father's
funeral. Almost everything is left unsaid, but this is still a very
touching story.
Ratings for "Light Like Butter"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Midnight Swim" by K. Reber (krreber@ix.netcom.com). The woman goes for
a late night swim at the motel and is joined by her lover. I like this
motif, but it could have been developed a lot more completely.
Ratings for "Midnight Swim"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
* "Grey" by Lysander (lysander@bitsmart.com). In proportion to its
overall length, there's actually relatively little sex in this story.
Grey is the name of a woman to whom the narrator offers a ride.
Throughout the first half of the story they drive across the country for
several weeks, longing for each other, but not making their mutual
feelings known. Finally, they do make their feelings known to each
other, and the sexual activity becomes loving and hot. There are
several complications that make the story more interesting, but you can
find these for yourself. I really like stories that have good character
development as well as hot sex, and this is one of those stories.
Ratings for "Grey"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10