Celestial Reviews 157 - February 12, 1997
Note: I am posting my reviews to alt.sex.stories.moderated, as well as
to a.s.s. and a.s.s.d. I encourage authors whose stories I review to
post their stories with the moderated group as well as with the
unmoderated group. It is my impression that the moderator of this group
is making a sincere attempt at offering a valuable service, and I think
we should support him in his efforts.
Second note: I am again experiencing difficulties with my database
management program. If anyone out there is an expert at Microsoft Works
4.0 on the Macintosh, I'd like to hear from you. I have been getting
messages that say that there is "no translator available" to import my
file - when it shouldn't need a translator at all. Not having access to
my database of previous reviews has seriously impeded my ability to do
these reviews. If anyone can help me, I'm eager to listen to advice.
- Celeste
"You Always Sleep with Your Hairdresser - Don't You?" by Sven
the Elder (witty sexual encounters) 9.5, 10, 10
"Familiarity" by Mark Aster (post partum sexual recovery)
10, 10, 10
"Fortuitous" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
"She-Bat #0 - A Lucky Encounter" by MD James and David
Matthews 2 (superhero sex) 9.5, 10, 10
"One Rainy Morning" by Tom Bombadil (Romantic Interlude)
10, 8, 8
"A Cold Day in Hell" by Delta (romance) 10, 10, 10
"Sleepy" by The Joker (spouse watching) 9, 9, 9
* "Anything" by Delta (hot sexual fantasies) 10, 10, 10
* "Coincidence" by Delta (erotic reunion & sexual banter)
10, 10, 10
* "Kin" by Delta (romance) 10, 10, 10
* "The Good Neighbor" by Delta (meaning of life) 10, 10, 10
* "Hotsprings" by Delta (D&s romance) 10, 10, 10
* "Dreamwalk" by Delta (surrealistic sexy dream) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently
been reposted).
"You Always Sleep with Your Hairdresser - Don't You?" by Sven the Elder.
The guy is new in the neighborhood. While he's out working in the yard,
one of the more established ladies of the neighborhood assumes he is the
gardener and asks for his rates. When he states a low wage, she asks
for his card; and he decides to get her off his back by stating that he
expects perks as well. "Oh I'm sure we could come to some
arrangements," she says; "I mean I could supply plenty of refreshments
and a midday meal as well." "Ah yes," the man replies, "But I gets to
sleep with the mistress of the house as well."
The exact route by which the narrator gets from there to an
emboinkment with the hairdresser is better explained by the author
than by a humble critic like myself. For that matter, this guy
would probably claim to sleep with the literary critic as well, if
he thought it would do him any good!
Ratings for "You always sleep with your hairdresser"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Familiarity" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). As you may recall, the
author of the "My Friends the Allens" series specializes in plots that
involve two couples making love simultaneously. Here he employs an
advanced technique: three couples - Our Hero and Pat, Julie and her
cousin Jake, and the actors on the porn film that is running in the
background. As usual, this is gentle, erotic, hot sex.
If you have followed the series, Pat and Our Hero are in the post-natal
stage of intimacy. The title derives from the theory that it somehow
seems funny that the warmest and most familiar and beautiful thing in
the world should be a woman's ass.
Ratings for "Familiarity"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Fortuitous" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.cs.du.edu). Bob and
Jeanette Brennan are two of the most extraordinarily ordinary people
found on this newsgroup. In this episode they continue to work at
forming a family while helping Bob continue his studies toward a Ph.D.
in history. For his Christmas present, Jeanette has agreed to let Bob be
her sex slave for a day. This paradoxical proposition turns into a
happy and exciting time for both of them.
Some readers will find fault with one of the real beauties of this
story. The author spends a lot of time on topics that apparently have
little to do with sex, such as family meetings and summaries of ancient
or medieval history. While I understand that these details may be
superfluous to readers interested in achieving orgasm at their
computers, I find that these aspects make the sex richer by giving us
the framework within which really hot, loving sex can occur. While I
often enjoy the fantasy that two people can meet and give each other
wildly exciting pleasure, it has been my own experience that the joy,
the pleasure, and even the wildness get better when they occur as part
of a relationship that both partners are willing to work at. This
author has done an excellent job of both developing such a relationship
and describing extremely hot sexual episodes within that relationship.
Ratings for "Fortuitous"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"She-Bat #0 - A Lucky Encounter" by MD James and David Matthews 2
(dmatthew@ix.netcom.com). This is the pilot episode for a proposed
series about a new superhero named She-Bat, a young lady with super
powers, 42D tits, and a pussy whose innards feel like warm butter to the
intruding male burglar's tool. In her cape and one-piece bodysuit that
splits down to her navel, she looks like a streamlined bat with two
semi-circles joined together by a triangle. In this episode she catches
the burglar/narrator in the act of breaking into a bank, and in
retaliation for his tearing her costume, she fucks his brains out and
leaves him tied up in the bank, where the cops find him a few minutes
later.
This sounds like fun. I am looking forward to more episodes in this
saga of truth, justice, and the American way of bat-life.
Ratings for "She-Bat #0"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"One Rainy Morning" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). Diane is down
in the dumps because the sun has decided to go on vacation at the same
time as she and her husband. Her husband tries to bring joy back into
her life with a quickie before he goes out. This doesn't provide a
complete cure; but there is hope, as Diane begins to plan a payback.
Ratings for "One Rainy Morning"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"A Cold Day in Hell" by Delta (delta*@bc.sympatico.ca). Miller is an
electronics repairman. He just wants to be left alone. His one true
love has gone away, and he doesn't want to take chances again. It's not
that life has no meaning: it's just that the meaning comes from the
feeling of triumph when a piece of broken electronic equipment springs
back to life. Then he finds a homeless young woman and brings her home
- not for sex, but simply because he just couldn't leave her there on
the street. You can probably figure out where this story is going, but
it's still very interesting to see how Delta gets us there. Besides,
you might be surprised!
This is a long, good story with very little sex. But the long, good
part of the story makes the short, erotic part very sexy.
Ratings for "A Cold Day in Hell"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Sleepy" by The Joker (Ole.Joe@poboxes.com). Sandy is a sound sleeper -
a real sound sleeper. Her husband Chris and his friend Larry get turned
on watching a porn flick and slurping beer. When Larry expresses his
need for a piece of ass, Chris figures that since Sandy sleeps so
soundly anyway, what she doesn't know won't hurt her. It's surprising
how much two men can do to one lady without her knowing it, if she
sleeps soundly enough.
Ratings for "Sleepy"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Anything" by Delta (delta*@bc.sympatico.ca). Lance is driving
his car on a dismal night, concerned and annoyed because his wife
is inexplicably upset and has gone to visit her sister. In this
state of emotional tension, he picks up a young, female
hitchhiker. Susan thinks she recognizes Lance, but she doubts
that this is really the case. Susan comments that she would do
"anything" for a ride all the way to her distant destination by
9:00 the next morning. Lance quickly takes her up on her offer,
and off they go on their mutual odyssey. Susan is upset when he
pulls up at his house - obviously to cash in on "anything"; but it
turns out that he has to feed the cat. The shifts in mood and in
sexual tension continue throughout the story.
The author constantly switches rapidly but smoothly between the
viewpoints of the two protagonists, describing the thoughts and
emotions of each. Neither knows what the other is thinking, and
we constantly see how each is sometimes right and sometimes wrong
in his or her perceptions of the other. What Delta does as well
as or perhaps better than anyone is tell a COMPLETE STORY - a
story with a plot that involves me as the reader and plays with my
mind as I think I know what is going to happen next. This is a
truly excellent and sexy story.
Ratings for "Anything"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Coincidence" by Delta (delta*@bc.sympatico.ca). The narrator
is seated on a nearly full jetliner, dressed in a scruffy manner,
waiting for takeoff, when - who to his wondering eyes should
appear to take the seat next to him but his ex-girlfriend. Ex-
very-close-girlfriend. Hence the title. Lisa appears not to
recognize the former lover seated next to her, but the
conversation coincidentally brings back memories of things past.
Hence the title. The story consists mostly of the narrator's
recollections of their good times together before they broke up
somewhat bitterly. While he ruminates, he debates within himself
whether or not to disclose his identity to her.
This story contains hot sex, but it also contains much more than
mere graphic descriptions. The playful banter of the lovers adds
to our reading enjoyment, as does our knowledge that these two
broke up and our anticipation that they might be reunited. The
narrator even has a philosophy of life - that coincidences don't
just happen; they represent the Universe speaking to us. Is he
going to tell her who he is? Or does she already know; and maybe
those coincidences aren't so coincidental after all. As they say,
everything happens for a purpose....
Here's an interesting aside: Just before I read this story, I was
preparing my lesson plan for a presentation on Robert Frost's "The
Road Not Taken." Coincidence? I hardly think so.
Ratings for "Coincidence"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Kin" by Delta (delta*@bc.sympatico.ca). "I don't usually break
promises. Not even ones I make to myself. Especially not ones I
make to myself. Funny how hard, and how easy, it is to overcome
that private taboo." These words from the beginning of Delta's
story state the narrator's ambivalence as she returned to the
scene where she had known a former lover. But to me they
instantly evoked a different reaction. As I read these words, I
recalled an e-mail message from Delta - I think it was in November
of last year - in which she told me that she was withdrawing from
the erotic story circuit. She had to get on with other tasks in
her life. Anonymous relationships that we develop on this
newsgroup are strange and wonderful. I was sad; but I sent her a
cheerful note of some kind. I don't know why she's back; but I'm
glad she is. I hope she continues writing stories like this.
Delta made my Top 100 list for 1995 four times - including the
number 2 story. The present story, I think, is the best she has
ever written. This is partly because I like romantic, sentimental
stories; but it's mostly because the story is so well written.
There is no wasted verbiage; the action tells the story and
conveys the emotions very effectively.
I don't know why this story has to be hidden away on a.s.s. I
don't know why it can't be on magazine racks in the supermarkets
or in the anthologies that my students read. There is almost no
explicit sex in this story, but I had a really good feeling inside
me all the while I read it - maybe that's why it's not in those
anthologies.
The story is about a guy and a girl who take a First Aid course
together and like each other but do not make love with each other.
That may sound pretty lame; but take my word for it - Delta tells
the story better than I do.
Ratings for "Kin"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Good Neighbor" by Delta (delta*@bc.sympatico.ca). Stories
like this simply don't appear on alt.sex.stories - at least not
very often. Stories like this appear in literature books, written
by either Russian or German authors - or at least by European
existentialists.
The plot unfolds slowly through the eyes of a man who plans to
blow his brains out. Just when we realize that this man is truly
despondent and plans to kill himself, there is a knock at the door
and a woman enters the room. She is concerned about having lost
her beauty, and she asks the man for his input. A little perturbed
that this woman is interrupting his much more significant suicide
for such trivial reasons, the man eventually decides that a final
act of kindness will do no harm and might even make a difference
to her; and so he tells her that she is beautiful. Very quickly
the two find themselves preparing to make love, and the man who
was about to commit suicide suddenly feels the need to use a
condom and to put a robe on the floor to prevent either of them
from getting floor burn. And so it goes.
Who is this woman? How will life change for the two of them?
This is an excellent story.
Ratings for "The Good Neighbor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Hotsprings" by Delta (delta*@bc.sympatico.ca). The author has
promised to repost this story next Monday and Tuesday. I
recommend that you download all the parts and enjoy this story.
When Delta first started posting this story, I gave it a good
review on the basis of the first two chapters and my previous
experience with one of her stories. After I did that, I thought
maybe I had made a mistake - not because of anything this author
did but rather because I had gotten burned by a couple of other
stories that started out good but faltered later. I thought maybe
it would be better to avoid rating stories until they were
finished. Toward the middle chapters of this story, I got even
more worried; it was getting just plain silly with all these
people wandering around the campsite wearing matching chokers.
But in the end, my patience was rewarded. Everything fell into
place. It really is a good story.
The plot centers around the activities of the workers at a
recreational campsite. Kat, the new business manager, is
introduced as a beautiful but conniving dominatrix, who seems
intent on building herself a sexual empire. Fred is introduced as
a good, strong, patient man who doesn't want to play Kat's games.
Big Jake is the free-spirited owner who loves his wife but also
loves his freedom and lots of other women. He treats his wife,
Jennie, and the other females pretty much like objects; but Jennie
still loves him. And then there are about four other interesting
characters. The author combines a lot of hot sex with an
interesting plot (that I don't want to divulge) to make the story
really interesting. (If it starts seeming silly, just repeat
several times, "Celeste says this is interesting." It will become
interesting again. As a matter of fact, if you're not intent on
critiquing the story, you might not have this silliness reaction
at all.)
When I started reviewing a.s.s. stories, I didn't think I would
like D&s (domination and submission) stories. I still don't have
a driving urge to have my husband submit to torture whenever he
disobeys me or fails to satisfy me sexually, but I have to admit
that I enjoyed this story - especially the final two chapters,
which are practically non-stop hot sex. Notice that I have
labeled this story "D&s romance." Originally I thought the two
concepts were incompatible; but I was wrong. At least in the
world of fiction, they are sometimes compatible.
Ratings for "Hotsprings"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Dreamwalk" by Delta (delta*@bc.sympatico.ca). Have you ever had
one of those dreams that seemed so vivid that you weren't sure
whether you were awake or not? And then you decide to wake up and
you think you have awakened; but you're not sure, because maybe
you only dreamed you woke up. The man in this story is approached
in the middle of the night by a mysterious, beautiful neighbor who
informs him that he is in her dream - and a nice, hot dream it is.
Delta maintains the necessary mixture of reality and unreality
beautifully. Where does she get ideas like this? Another
excellent story.
Ratings for "Dreamwalk"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10