Celestial Reviews 154 - February 1, 1997
(Because of problems with AOL, I am sending this to someone else
who is reposting it. Correspondence should still be addressed to
Celeste801@aol.com.)
Note: The author of one of these stories sent his story to me a long
time ago, and I accidentally set it aside until now. I hope he reposts
it so that readers can find it if they are attracted by this review. I
also want to take this opportunity to point out that if other authors
have sent me stories that I have let slip into oblivion, it's OK to
nudge me by sending a follow-up note. I have so many stories that
sometimes I let one slip past me.
Second Note: A horny young man went to a brothel. The lady at the
counter asked him what his choice would be. The man asked what was
available.
The lady replied, "On the first floor, we have the ex-models... they are
all slinky and sexy. On the second floor, we have our ex-
actresses...they are all buxom and beautiful. On the third floor, we
have our ex-teachers....they..."
The man shouted, "Say no more! Lead me to the third floor!"
The lady asked, "Are you sure? I'm surprised that you would prefer ex-
teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses."
The young man answered, "It's obvious, ma'am. Teachers always make you
do a thing over and over again... until you're perfect at it!"
- Celeste (Future Ex-Teacher)
"Head of the Class" by Jon (beauty shop sex) 8, 9, 10
"Abominable" by Miss Lucy (bestiality) 9, 9, 9
"Angeles City" by Jim Fix (overseas military sex & romance)
9, 10, 10
"100" by "C. Clinton" (wet 'n wild) 7, 9, 9
"Lot And His Daughters" by Unknown Author (biblical sex)
5, 10, 10
"The Adventures of Melissa" by Bill Williams (exhibitionism)
10, 8, 9
"The Second Contest: A Smutty Seinfeld Story" by no one
(sitcom parody) 10, 10, 10
"'D' Is for Driving" by Dulcinea (seduction on the highway)
10, 10, 10
"Encounter at Green's Rock" by Joe Parsons (going home again)
10, 10, 10
"Metari Nights" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (adventure & romance)
9.5, 10, 10
"The Prey" by Doug Reade (child molester) 10, 10, 10
* "The Hedonists" by Jonboy (orgies) 9, 10, 10
* "The Reward" by Bill Green (mind control) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently
been reposted).
"Head of the Class" by Jon (THC repost). The title is a play on words.
Jon goes to the head of his class by giving and getting head to and from
the customers in his hairdressing class. The plot is not exactly
sophisticated, and the grammar includes some major gaffs, but this is a
pretty hot story.
Ratings for "Head of the Class"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Abominable" by Miss Lucy (archer77@flash.net). "Red-haired Wild Woman
Spotted! Pregnant by Bigfoot?" That tabloid headline summarizes the
culmination of the activities in this story. The woman gets lost; the
man/beast finds her and fills her cunt with his foot-long tool (three
inches in diameter); he deposits a bucket of cum and "marks" her for his
own; and she decides to stay. Sounds reasonable!
Ratings for "Abominable"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Angeles City" by Jim Fix (jimfix@earthlink.net). Do soldiers on leave
really play games like this? Three men sit at a table and drink their
beers. The first to smile has to pay the bill. That seems easy enough,
but there is one catch: there will be three girls under the table giving
them a blow job while they drink their beer, and if no one smiles the
first to get his rocks off will have to foot the bill.
This story contains numerous clever military references and anecdotes
based on GI tales of the type that begin with "This ain't no shit. . . .
" At first it seemed that this was going to be a simple tale of
military debauchery, but then it turned solidly romantic. This was a
very good story.
Ratings for "Angeles City"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"100" by "C. Clinton" (That's what it said!) The woman makes a Super
Bowl bet with her husband. If her team wins, she gets a diamond
necklace. If his wins, she'll do anything he wants. Her team is the
Chargers. {For you baseball fans, that's the football version of the
Cubs.} And so she has to let 100 men jerk off on her face, while she
recites after each ejaculation, "I'll never bet on the Chargers again."
Don't worry, she gets help from a half dozen fluff girls. The wife
herself is handcuffed; she's not allowed to even touch any of the guys
except her husband.
"Ever had a cock cum in your mouth from an inch away? Sometimes, you can
actually hear the jizzum hit the back of your throat." Sounds weird!
After fifty or so guys have spermed you, the rest would seem anti-
climactic, so to speak.
We even have stereotypical behavior. Not black guys with monster cocks;
but at one point, there are eight Japanese guys in a row. Each one has
to take fucking pictures of the other seven guys shooting their wads. In
the end, the husband is a good sport. He has billed each guy fifty
bucks, and so he buys the wife the necklace anyway. Embedded in it is a
tiny "100" in diamonds. Precious!
Ratings for "100"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Lot And His Daughters" by Unknown Author. I'm sure somebody will
consider this story to be blasphemous or something, but it's actually
pretty good. Lot is the guy whose family left the city of Sodom right
before it was annihilated by fire and brimstone because of the
disgusting sins of the people who lived there. His wife was turned to a
pillar of salt for looking back at the city while it was being
destroyed. Shortly thereafter, Lot had incestuous sex with his two
daughters. It's right there in the bible. Really! Anyone interested
in a serious but enjoyable look at sex in the bible should check out the
online version of "And Adam Knew Eve: A Dictionary of Sex in the Bible"
at http://www.mindspring.com/~hobrad/andmain.htm
The present author has taken the basic Lot story and has added details
in a style that sounds pretty much like that of the author of Genesis.
He did such a good job that I had to check Genesis 19: 30-38 to see
whether this story was real or apocryphal. The punctuation sucks, but
neither the original Hebrew nor the Septuagint translation would have
had punctuation. Maybe this is a veritable archeological find! We'll
see if I get struck by lightning or get rendered frigid as a punishment
for giving this story a "5" for technical quality.
Ratings for "Lot And His Daughters"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Adventures of Melissa" by Bill Williams. This Red Dragon repost
was listed as "At the Movies." It's the first two chapters of an
apparently longer story. The problem with Red Dragon and THC reposts is
that sometimes the author later adds more parts, but the reposter
doesn't catch these; and so it may be impossible to find the rest of the
story.
Bill wonders whether his wife, Melissa, would get turned on by the sight
of another man's cock. To find out, he takes her to a porn movie
theater. Not only does she get turned on by the cock on the screen, but
also by the cock of the guy next to her, who exposes himself when
Melissa gets carried away and starts making it with Bill in the theater.
Next they decide to make their own movie, and to do this they arrange an
orgy with nice people and a hidden camera. Then the story pretty much
ends in the middle of nowhere.
I personally have no interest in having public sex in a porn theater;
they appear to me like to be really sleazy places. On the other hand, I
have enjoyed porn videos in the privacy of my own home. My husband and I
used to watch maybe two movies a month, and the good ones often led us
into very hot sex. However, since I have started writing these
reviews, I have watched very few porn flicks. That's partly because I
have much less time, but also because the porn movies simply do not
measure up to the better stories on this newsgroup. If I want a visual
image to supplement a story, I'm much more likely to cuddle up with or
jump my husband - and get a tactile image to go along with it.
One of my problems with porn movies is that I often start feeling sorry
for the women who make them. I think it would have to be degrading to
have an ugly and/or insipid guy with his cock involved with my anatomy,
and I start wondering why a woman would do that. I don't have that
problem with the sex stories on this newsgroup.
In addition, almost all the porn flicks are really bad. There's rarely
even a semblance of a sensible plot, and the looping combines with
mismatched sound tracks to create a feeling of really boring surrealism
- or perhaps surrealistic boredom. One of the most grotesque aspects of
porn movies is the need for the guy to cum externally. The girl often
says "sexy" things like, "Come all over my face baby!" But I'm sure the
real reason for the external cumshot is that the "director" has no other
way to communicate to the viewer that the guy has had his orgasm - that
is, it's time for the scene to end.
When we used to watch porn movies, both my husband and I used to enjoy
the movies with girl/girl scenes (e.g., "Passages 1 through 3" starring
Christy Canyon and Jennifer Stewart, I think). This was because the
women showed a certain personality and interest in life and because the
characters at least did what real women actually do when having sex with
one another. We now tend to enjoy non-porn movies with sexy but not
raunchy parts. Body Heat and Fatal Attraction have been among our
favorites. I think my husband has the dialogue to Body Heat memorized.
My husband liked Striptease, but I found it to be rather insipid.
A major problem with porn films is that most of the actors and actresses
simply cannot act. Ron Jeremy is the only male with any acting ability,
and he's not exactly attractive. I guess maybe it's asking too much to
expect an intelligent, creative woman to be willing to demean herself by
having dangerous sex with strangers for a movie camera. On the other
hand, when I see some of the air-head actresses in mainstream
movies....
In short, the writers on this newsgroup come a lot closer to writing
excellent fiction than the porn movie directors come to making excellent
movies.
If any of you have comments or insights on this topic, maybe you'd like
to send them to me or post them on a.s.s.d. It might be interesting to
make more comparisons between movies and these stories; and I'm sure
there are many readers out there who know a lot more about the movies
than I do.
Ratings for "The Adventures of Melissa"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Second Contest: A Smutty Seinfeld Story" by no one
(noone@nowhere.com). George's girlfriend, Susan, has just recently
died; and the guys (Jerry, George, and Kramer) are sitting around the
table in the restaurant with Elaine, bragging about their sexual
prowess. Elaine offers to settle the question of which is best in the
sack. They put up money for a wager, and Elaine agrees to give them
each one shot at her, so that she can make a quality assessment. I
won't tell you any more, except to say that this dysfunctional group of
friends performs about the way you might expect.
The author does an excellent job in this parody of the Seinfeld
television sitcom. I hope we see more stories from him/her.
Ratings for "The Second Contest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"'D' Is for Driving" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). Driving home
with her husband from her sister's wedding, the woman suggests that they
stop at a motel so that they can make love. The husband says that he
would prefer to drive through the night, so that they can sleep in their
own bed. She takes his refusal as a challenge and seduces him in the
dark while he tries to drive the car. This is another excellent story.
Ratings for "'D' Is for Driving"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Encounter at Green's Rock" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). The
woman has decided to visit the island area in Maine that she used to
haunt with her cousins during her childhood. She comes upon a teenage
boy masturbating; and after watching him, she makes tender love to him.
This main event is surrounded by numerous reflections on her own sexual
development. This is a well-written, sensitive, erotic story.
Ratings for "Encounter at Green's Rock"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Metari Nights" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mohanraj@mills.edu). Shalini has
been sold as a slave/courtesan into the House of Leata. Unlike most of
the sex slaves on this newsgroup, Shalini longs to be free; and she
theorizes that the best way to gain her freedom is by becoming an
extremely adept courtesan. Her sexual skills lead her into the arms of
a magician who gains for her a dangerous opportunity to break away from
her slavery. You can read the rest of the story for yourself.
With its vague setting in the mideast or the orient, this story reads
like a sexy tale from "1001 Arabian Nights." In an epilog the author
states that this is a cannibalized extract from a novel-in-progress. In
spite of some rough edges - and unexpectedly bad grammar and style in
Chapter 8 - this is an excellent story that combines adventure and
romance.
Ratings for "Metari Nights"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Prey" by Doug Reade (readebks@wolfenet.com). The young man is a
sexual predator. He lurks in hiding, waiting for the right child to
molest. He has ways to entice children. He knows his business well.
In the incident that is the focus of this story, he has sized up a 6-
year-old boy as his next victim. But just as he's about to pounce, an
even more attractive 10-year-old girl approaches almost out of nowhere.
He sets his sights on her....
I normally don't like pedophile stories; but this one is excellent.
This is not a sexy story (at least it did not arouse me), but it is a
good story. Strange, but excellent. I can't tell you more about it.
Read it for yourself.
Ratings for "The Prey"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Hedonists" by Jonboy (jonboy@thepoint.net). I get skeptical
about these stories sometimes. So when I brought my husband a beer
during a commercial of the baseball game tonight, I said to him,
"Imagine that you are a plumber and have to wait for an hour until the
lady of the house returns. Her nubile step-daughter is lying by the
pool and asks you to rub suntan lotion on her, and her movements cause
her tiny black bikini to practically disappear into her the crack of her
tight little ass. As you apply the lotion, you can smell the odor of
sex permeating the air around you. Would you find this to be at all
erotic?" "What does nubile mean?" he replied, as I handed him his beer
and a bottle of baby lotion, flipped off the TV with the remote control,
lay down with my naked ass easing out beneath my tee-shirt, and said,
"The kids will be home at 8:30." Anyway, the basic premise of the story
seems to be sound: at least some men would find this to be an erotic
situation.
Actually, the kids did not get home till 9:00 and the premise was more
erotic than I had expected - either that or it contrasted really well
with a boring baseball game; and so I didn't get back to reading this
story until much later. By then it had occurred to me that since the
title was plural, ole Dave would be checking the plumbing of both mother
and daughter and possibly a few others unknown to me at that moment.
By the way, Dave is a stud himself; so this is not a guy's only fantasy.
In addition, he's apparently a union plumber: "You just charge us for
the whole day," says Mom. "It would be worth twice the price to find an
unusual man like yourself."
As I understand it, Dave had five resounding orgasms within about five
hours during his initial visit, and he also found time to fix a leaky
pipe while the step-mother shaved her pussy in front of him.
Fortunately, the ladies had no Kryptonite in their house. I have no
idea how often the two woman came that first afternoon, but they were
both pretty happy. Meanwhile, I was at the end of chapter 4 out of 10,
and my husband was dead to the world after moving the earth only two
times in 94 minutes. Then in chapter 5 Dave gets a hard-on thinking
about his upcoming <g> date with Vicki that evening, and so he has oral
sex with his roommate (a guy) before he showers and heads off for his
date in chapter 6.
When Dave returns to the mansion at 7:00 the Three Amigos fondle,
exchange tongues, and become pre-orgasmic; but they do NOT engage in
full genital contact. Another orgasm at this time might strain
credulity. The kids go out for pizza and Mom goes upstairs for her dildo
- either that or she goes to a bar and takes on an entire basketball
team before going to spend the evening in a sex club. The transitions
are not perfectly clear here; and reality and fantasy merge. Chapter 7
explains the activities of the sex club - The Hedonists Society; and
these would make an interesting story in themselves. In fact, chapter 7
SHOULD be a separate story; stylistically it's a major distraction, and
I have no idea why the author felt the need to shove it into this story.
Suffice it to say that these hedonistic little fuckers probably have a
franchise in a city near yours - unfortunately, it's fictional.
Meanwhile, back in the real "plot," Dave and Vicki go to a nightclub
that has a "sexiest couple contest." Having already exceeded the limits
of human sexual capacity, of course, they refrain from participating.
Right! And I have a bridge in Brooklyn and some oceanfront property in
Arizona that I'd like to sell you. Actually, they win the contest.
This may not seem improbable, since the couple has refrained from full
sexual copulation for nearly nine hours by the time the contest starts,
but I forgot to tell you that Dave had already cum three times
immediately before the contest began.
The dance contest scenario is especially well written. The author
describes not only the antics of Dave and Vicki but also those of
several other couples; and the various couples also interact with one
another. And this hot sex is NOT a digression, but rather a
contribution to the overall plot. An anthropologist at heart, Dave wins
the contest with an ancient mating dance. It had a good beat and was
easy to cum to. Dick Clark would give it a 99. To celebrate their
victory, Vicki sucks Dave's cock to the verge of orgasm in the car on
the way home; but he doesn't cum (again, we don't want to strain
credulity). To wrap things up, Dave stays over with Vicki; and Mom
wakes up and joins them for one final orgy. Assuming the story ends at,
say, 4:00 a.m., Dave has had ten raging orgasms within 19 hours. Not
bad for a plumber.
A word of stylistic advice to the author: I don't see what is gained by
referring to Vicki as "the sex crazed bitch" in the normal narrative.
It makes sense to use this terminology to express DAVE's thoughts; but
the author does a good job of giving an objective but hot description of
events, and I think the evaluative reference weakens the presentation.
Normally, when it is the author speaking we hear words like "the
beautiful young woman" or even "the beautiful young woman whose cunt
ached for his cock." A lot of authors do this. My advice is to
consider what can be gained by using the appropriate words at the right
times. {The following is fine: "OK, bitch!" Dave swore, "You want
fucked. This is a fuck!" It's proper because these are DAVE's words,
not the narrator's.}
Not everything in the story was a turn-on for me. For example, I don't
find it at all erotic to think of a guy pissing on me; and while
swallowing cum seems sexy to me, gulping down a mouthful of piss does
not. Likewise, sticking my finger and even my tongue into a pulsating
ass is sexy; but I have no desire to have a guy dump his load on me.
However, there was plenty of hot stuff, and I could have simply skimmed
the less delectable parts.
As I started this story, I was seriously considering docking the author
for having no real plot - this story was just an excuse to talk about
sex. But then I discovered that there really was a plot of sorts; and
at the very least it was a damned good excuse to talk about sex. Then I
said to myself that certainly I had to subtract a point or so for the
lack of realism. I mean, I've read Kinsey and Masters & Johnson and
some of the others; and not even Shere Hite thinks a guy who has already
been having frequent sex can have this many orgasms. But what the hell!
"High Noon" is a great movie, and nobody ever counts how many times Will
Kane fires his six-shooter without reloading.
Assuming there are people who want to read a story primarily to get
themselves or a friend turned on, there may be a demand for this story!
Ratings for "The Hedonists"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Reward" by Bill Green (wgreen@netcom.com). I usually prefer to
wait until multi-chapter stories are finished before posting my review.
Several months ago this author asked for an early review. Since this is
an excellent story, I felt the author deserved a Reward; and so I
reviewed it after only 9 chapters. He has now posted Chapters 10 and
11. He continues to show a high level of creativity in both his ideas
and style of writing; and so the following review is still accurate.
Until now, my favorite mind control story was Backrub's "Wet Dreams,"
which I ranked as the Number 43 story of 1995. This story is even
better. To be honest, I HAVE enjoyed other mind control stories, but in
the back of my mind I always get the feeling that they are simplistic.
That is, they suggest that a college sophomore can read a book on
hypnosis and thereafter have his way with any woman he wants. This one
is different; it is genuine science fiction. The Power goes beyond
mind control; the explanation for the power sounds like it's based on an
esoteric application of quantum physics. The beginning of the story
delineates the rules that the recipient of the power must follow. The
results are delightful!
The hero accidentally releases from captivity a mysterious being and is
rewarded by the Power to control thoughts and actions within a
restricted range. He initially tries the Reward out on his spoiled-brat
step-sister with remarkable success. Then he tries it out with a
traveling companion during a two-hour plane flight. As he uses his
power, he learns about his Reward and modifies his guidelines for using
it. I can't wait to see the next chapters!
I suspect that the author is a person with some background in computer
programs. His instructions to the Power appear to be mini-scripts
containing commands that typically might become computer programs in a
language like C++. However, this is not C++. It's easily an A.
My only problem with this story (and it's not a significant one) is that
the narrator's fantasies often do not correspond with my own. All that
means, however, is that if you get off on the idea of fantasizing about
a woman with basketball-size breasts dressed only in corset and a set of
leather boots with six-inch stiletto heals, you'll probably enjoy the
story even more than I did.
CELESTIAL GRAMMAR: BLONDS AND BLONDES. The adjective is BLOND. The
ONLY use for BLONDE is to describe a female person with blond hair. ("I
fucked the blonde in the ass.") The hair itself is BLOND. It's OK to
refer to a BLOND girl as a BLONDE girl (either is acceptable), but a
BLONDE's cunt is BLOND not BLONDE - although I have heard that there are
some BLONDES who are cunts, in a metaphorical sense, of course. It's
not mandatory to call anyone a BLONDE. It's OK to omit the "e" and to
call a BLONDE a BLOND. There's probably a joke in this somewhere.
Actually, saying that a certain female is a cunt, is not only a
metaphor, it's an example of metonymy. This term refers to using a part
or symbol to refer to the whole. Dictionaries give examples like using
"the crown" to refer to the king or queen or the ruling power of a
country (as in, "You're lack of respect displeases the Crown."). A
large number of English vulgarisms are actually examples of metonymy:
"She's a cunt," "He's a regular dick," etc. Just thought you'd like to
know.