Celestial Reviews 149 - January 15, 1997
Note: Uther Pendragon has been reposting his entire "Bob and Jeanette Brennan"
series. I have previously reviewed most of the Bob and Jeanette Brennan
stories, and I am reposting those now. This is an excellent series.
Remember, these are ORIGINAL reviews; in only a few cases have I had time to
post a revision after the author revised the story. In most cases the author
has revised and improved a story, so that my original review may be slightly
inaccurate. Nevertheless, I think these original reviews may help you find and
enjoy these stories.
"Forever"
"Forest"
"Forecast"
"Forestalling"
"Foreplay"
"For Him"
"Forthright"
"For These Gifts"
"For Now"
You can recognize these stories in the postings by the word "For..." at the
beginning of the title, or (less creatively) by the author's name in the title
line. I have occasionally been guilty of posting an old address for this
author. His current, correct address is given with the reviews. Like most
authors whose stories you enjoy on this newsgroup, he would probably like
constructive criticism from his readers.
Second Note: Today is the deadline for the Third Annual Celestial Writing
Contest. If you have not yet submitted your entry, I'll still accept stories
until I post the winner on Saturday. I have received several entries so far,
and I can tell that I am going to have an enjoyable time judging them. The
Bad News is that Stephanie, who won the first two contests, has had the flu
and has decided not to submit a story this time. The Good News is that
several other excellent writers have picked up the slack.
Third Note: Mat Twassel has recently posted a message in which he briefly
discussed my Top Stories List for 1996. He then listed and commented on what
HE considered to the best stories of the year. I wish more of you would do
that. I know it's hard to find the time, but we get lots of good stories for
free from the people who write stories for this newsgroup. Authors appreciate
hearing from the audience from time to time. There was considerable overlap
between the stories Mat and I liked, but there were also differences.
Diversity of opinions and intelligent discussion can only help make this a
better newsgroup. If you have time, why not just write and post a paragraph
on the best story (or several stories) you read last year? My advice is to
post it on BOTH a.s.s. and a.s.s.d. Such comments belong on a.s.s.d., but the
noise ratio is so incredibly loud over there that legitimate posts often go
unnoticed.
- Celeste
* "Forever" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
* "Forest" by Uther Pendragon (romance & outdoor sex)
10, 10, 10
"Forecast" by Uther Pendragon (romance & outdoor sex)
10, 10, 10
* "Forestalling" by Uther Pendragon (romance & playful sex)
10, 10, 10
* "Foreplay" by Uther Pendragon (romance & playful sex)
10, 10, 10
* "For Him" by Uther Pendragon (romance & mild bdsm)
10, 10, 10
* "Forthright" by Uther Pendragon (romance & playful sex)
10, 10, 10
* "For These Gifts" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10,10, 10
* "For Now" by Uther Pendragon (adolescence & romance)
10, 10, 10
"Ireland Adventure" by Aaron Hall (time warp sex) 8, 8, 8
* "Penelope Pitstop's Picnic of Peril" by S. Sneakly (cartoon
parody) 6, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted.
* "Forever" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). This is the story of a man
and a woman getting to know each other on that rarest of all events on a.s.s.
- the wedding night between a husband and wife who have not yet copulated. I
went through this initiation rite myself. This story describes how my husband
and I expected our own wedding night to be, but our actual experience was a
lot funnier than this one. I'd tell you about it; but you had to be there to
really enjoy it. This is a well-written, sentimental story by a new author.
I hope he writes many more stories. Any author named after the father of King
Arthur can't be all bad. {Incidentally, it was Uther Pendragon - not his son
Arthur - who established the Round Table on Merlin's advice. Uther later found
his true heir (Arthur) through the ole sword-in-the-stone test.}
Ratings for "Forever"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Forest" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Bob and Jeanette have gone
off for several days of hiking on their honeymoon. Although he loves Jeanette
deeply, Bob feels that there is a gap in their relationship that needs to be
bridged; and he formulates a plan to close that gap the next night, when they
stay at a hotel instead of in a tent. They'll have more room there. But
alas, things get very hot and tender ahead of schedule. This is a very good
story. I originally criticized this story for not quite flowing naturally;
but this author has the good habit of revising his stories, and it now reads
quite well. What this author manages to do quite well is convince us that
people can be very concerned about each other's feelings and still (i.e.,
therefore) be very sexy people.
Ratings for "Forest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Forecast" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). The main reason I like
these stories in the Bob and Jeanette Brennan series is that I have gone
through many similar experiences myself. By this I mean that my husband and I
share a relationship based on exchange of ideas as well as of body fluids. I
can easily understand Jeanette's feelings when the author says, "Intercourse
might not always give her a climax, but it always gave her evidence of Bob's
passion for her." The two partners BOTH grow emotionally as these stories
progress, and my enjoyment arises as much from watching their personal growth
as from the rather hot sex they experience. The intelligent banter and
concern for the feelings of each other continue to be a strength of this
series of stories.
Here we are on night eleven of their honeymoon. The title refers both to the
weather prediction (rain till 10:00) and to the predictable but wonderful
pattern of what Jeanette and Bob will share together in the tent. Part of my
enjoyment of this story arises from the fact that I HAVE made love in a tent
during a thunderstorm; and if one is careful, it can be even better than Bob
and Jeanette found it to be.
The following sentence probably begins with a grammatical error: "The athlete
of the couple, she often forgot Bob's strength." I say "probably," because
the grammar means that Jeanette is the athlete. The context in which the
sentence occurs suggests Bob is the jock. I think the author meant to say,
"Even though Bob was the athlete of the couple, she often forgot his
strength." Even Homer nods. Or - as Yogi Berra would have it - even Nod
homers.
Ratings for "Forecast"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Forestalling" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Taken alone, this
story is written without a frame of reference. It's as if the reader is
listening to what a couple is saying through a hidden microphone and has to
guess at what they are doing. It's an interesting approach, and the author
carries it off effectively. Taken in the context of the Bob and Jeanette
series, we can understand these activities as part of the continual growth of
the couple as a couple.
Bob and Jeanette have been using condoms during lovemaking, which they have
found to be necessary but less than satisfactory. The woman has just recently
seen her gynecologist and is equipped with a diaphragm and spermicide, and
this evening they will make love for the first time without a latex
intermediary. The banter between the lovers is excellent; and although the
actual sexual activity is not described in the exhaustive detail that we see
in some other stories, we know that the experience has been quite satisfying.
Ratings for "Forestalling"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Foreplay" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Bob and Jeanette are
newlyweds. They had refrained from sex with each other until after marriage.
Bob is willing to remain committed to just this one wonderful woman for his
whole life, but sex is very important to him; and he knows that Jeanette does
not share his enthusiasm. Bob has suggested one night a week for experiments,
or "games." Jeanette has agreed on the condition that she can choose half the
games. Bob has agreed; and her first suggestion was the game called
"missionary position." Hence Bob's concern about his sexual future.
Therefore, for his own first game Bob sets out to make sex so wonderful for
his wife that she will crave sex even more than he does. This story describes
a night of lovemaking when he gives her the royal treatment. The sex is very
tender and passionate, and the descriptions are vivid. The author shifts
perspectives to convey the conflicting or complementary emotions of both
people.
This is a revision of an initial version of this story. I criticized the
prose in the original story as too workmanlike. I said I would have liked to
have seen some more metaphors or poetic insights. The revised version is a
marvelous improvement; it exudes exuberance that simply was not present in the
earlier version. I would like to think that my suggestions prompted this
improvement; but more likely the author got lucky or got religion and the new
worldview led to the improvements.
This was a very good story, and I sincerely enjoyed the description of
"conventional" sex from a highly romantic perspective. A lot of readers will
recognize themselves in this story (if they are lucky), and a lot of others
will wish they had had a sexual tutor similar to this husband.
Ratings for "Foreplay"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "For Him" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). The man and woman
don't have a lot of money, since he is a college student and she is
holding down a job to help keep him that way. So they usually make
each other presents. This year she asks what he would like for his
birthday, and he suggests that she be his sex slave for a day. She
agrees; and she enjoys the experience even more than he does.
Some bdsm enthusiasts may find this story objectionable. That's
because the participants say they are practicing sex slavery, but they
don't do the things that bdsm lovers usually do. On the other hand,
maybe some bdsm enthusiasts will like this story. I assume they can be
broadminded enough to accept the notion that people can be dominant and
submissive in completely "unorthodox" ways that border on really
friendly sexual activity.
As an incurable romantic with an insatiable sex drive, I loved this
story. I like it when a sexy story makes me laugh, and this one
accomplished that with lines like this, from the master to the slave:
"Jeanette, if you were to escape into another state, is that state
required to return you to me?"
"Mr. Calhoun says 'yes.' Mr. Lincoln says 'no.'"
That's not true, of course. Lincoln never attacked the fugitive slave
laws. He specifically endorsed them in Congress and after being elected
President. Well, anyway - it was funny in the context.
The story displays a large amount of inside humor, when the lovers talk
about their past experiences and about what they have been reading.
For example, not all readers will catch the connection between
Juneteenth and the plot of this story, and I'm certainly not going to
tell you. But even if I didn't fully understand all the allusions, I
thoroughly enjoyed the fondness and bantering between two people who
were obviously in love.
* "Forthright" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Maybe this has been
obvious to the rest of you all along; but I just recently realized that all of
these stories by this author that begin with "For..." are about a married
couple named Bob and Jeanette Brennan. I have been evaluating them as
isolated stories - which is OK, I suppose, since the author has been posting
them as isolated stories. However, as I look back over them, it becomes
obvious to me that the whole is better than the sum of the parts. That is,
the stories are more enjoyable if you read them in the context of one another.
In this one Bob and Jeanette are experimenting with new sexual positions.
While doing so, they playfully review some of their former escapades. I love
this kind of banter! I also love this kind of playfulness among old, married
people.
By the way, if you really want to do it standing up, try it against the
refrigerator. But remove the magnets first, unless you want to be disturbed
by falling notes or want to explain why the colors have run together in the
kindergarten pictures drawn by your children.
Ratings for "Forthright"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "For These Gifts" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). It's
Thanksgiving break at Bob and Jeanette Brennan's house, and it's time for
games. These "games" are choices of sexual behavior, new positions on
the days when he chooses, mostly old ones when she makes the choice. In
fact, she called her first game "Missionary." Tonight she has a genuine
need for Bob to "be gentle"; and so they play Cherish, which is actually
a variation of Missionary. Compared to some of the scenarios we see in
this newsgroup, this sexual activity is no big thing - but a very nice no
big thing.
For Bob's turn they make love sitting down - and standing up.
Between the two games, this story even includes a prayer - in fact, the
title refers to the prayer that people often say on Thanksgiving, when
they give thanks for the gifts they have received during the past year.
What I like about this series of stories is that the lovers are
intelligent but ordinary people. Bob is going to school (majoring in
history) and Jeanette is working full time to make Bob's academic career
possible. They are looking forward to a happy future, but they are also
trying to enjoy a happy present. They sometimes have riotous sex, but
it's in the perspective of a full life.
Another way to say this is that a typical episode in this series is like
three or four Dulcinea stories cohesively joined together.
Ratings for "For These Gifts"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "For Now" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). It was almost exactly
six months ago that I reviewed "Forever," the first story in the Bob and
Jeanette Brennan saga. I astutely said it was a good story, expressed a
wish that the author would post more stories, and rated it 9.5, 9, 10. I
was also pleased as punch that I had recognized Uther Pendragon as the
name of the king who established the Round Table on Merlin's advice and
who subsequently found his true heir (King Arthur) through the ole sword-
in-the-stone test.
Since that time, this author has not only reposted a revised version of
that story - cleaning up the imperfections and earning a 10, 10, 10
rating; he has also posted six more stories in this series, in addition
to a half dozen unrelated stories. At the present time I am going to say
that this is the best story in the series; but I think that may be
comparable to my daughter's annual statement that "This is my best
birthday ever!" which is invariably followed a few months later by "This
is the best Christmas ever!" What I mean is that each successive story
(a) is excellent itself and (b) makes the whole series better. As I read
this story I saw Bob and Jeanette in a completely new setting, and I
learned things about them that made sense, but which I had not thought
about before.
The present story is only indirectly about Bob and Jeanette. It's told
through the eyes of Bob's sister, Vi, a bright 16-year-old who wants to
be a psychoanalyst some day but who is at the present time overwhelmed
with her own problems with her boyfriend. The sexual activity is equally
indirect: we infer only what we can learn from Vi's descriptions of Bob
and Jeanette, while she listens in the room next door while her hot
brother and sister-in-law go at it in his old bedroom.
This is an excellent Christmas story. I loved "The Gathering" episode of
the Waltons, and this is the sexually explicit version of it - except, of
course, that the Brennans are a smaller family and that Bob is Bob's
first name rather than the ubiquitous Walton middle name. The
interpersonal and family relationships ring true in this story; and even
the non-sexual details contribute to the sexuality that Vi observes in
Bob and Jeanette. If this author does not have a degree in psychology, I
hereby bestow an honorary degree upon him.
If you have not read the previous stories in this series, do a favor for
yourself or a loved one this Christmas. Log onto DejaNews on the Web
(www.dejanews.com) and punch in the search words "alt.sex.stories
pendragon." Download all the stories you find there. The ones that
begin with "For" are the Bob and Jeanette stories. They'll give you a
warm feeling on a cold winter's night.
Ratings for "For Now"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Ireland Adventure" by Aaron Hall (skie@lex.infi.net ). The man is visiting
an Irish castle when he is enticed into a time warp to save a beautiful
princess. He gets a map and a magic sword from the blacksmith. {However,
unknown to the author, maps at this time were "oriented" with the east at the
top. The guy would have been thoroughly confused. Fortunately, when he went
to fuck the princess, he would still orient her the same way he would in 1997.
I learned (or inferred) all this from my Merriam/Webster word for the day on
AOL.} Then he goes about the countryside as a sort of knight errant, doing
good to all the lasses he meets - almost exclusively very young lasses with
very tight asses. He saves the princess, who becomes queen, and lives happily
ever after with her. 'Tis a lengthy but simple story.
Ratings for "Ireland Adventure"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Penelope Pitstop's Picnic of Peril" by S. Sneakly (an571192@anon.penet.fi).
{This is a slightly modified repost of a previously posted story}. I have
concluded that it is impossible during a single lifetime to have great sex at
least five times a week during one's entire adult life, to read and understand
all the Great Books, and to watch all the great cartoons on American
television. I myself have failed to various degrees in meeting these lofty
standards that I once set for myself during a metaphorical private orgy of New
Year's resolutions. I could never really get excited about either Thoreau or
Kant, and I cannot remember watching even a single episode of Penelope
Pitstop. However, after reading this story, it occurs to me that maybe I have
missed something in my life.
As I understand it, the author of this treatise spent a great part of his
younger years watching 'The Adventures of Penelope Pitstop" on television.
Apparently the villain in this series (Sylvester Sneekley who turns into the
Hooded Claw) routinely tormented the lovely Ms. Pitstop in various interesting
ways, and as the author graduated to adolescence and then (possibly) to
adulthood, it became obvious to him that the scenes that had initially
appealed to him as exciting but childish adventures were actually fraught with
sexual potential and symbolism. And so, in an attempt to get his sex life
back in order, the author has written an episode of that cartoon that tells it
like it really should have been told.
I need not relate the specifics. Suffice it to say that the villain
masturbates while incubating his plan, then captures Penelope, then has sex
with her, then describes to her in detail how she will be killed by an
ingenious Rube Goldberg device that Wylie Coyote would admire, then goes to a
convenient spot to masturbate and tries to time his orgasm to occur at the
moment of Penelope's excruciatingly painful but artistic demise when the ore
hopper will drop her onto the conveyer to the giant rock crusher where the
monster machine will munch her little muff to end this meaty melodrama.
Actually, my ignorance of this story is perhaps excusable. The original
cartoon appears to be of British, not American origin. The villain rides a
"lift" and has a "boot" in his car in which he carries his tools and would
like to carry off the oddly named Penelope, who is referred to as "perky," an
adjective normally applied only to the breasts of American women but to the
whole persona of their British counterparts.
This story is extremely creative. It follows my rules for a good sexual
parody: it retains the key ideas of the original cartoon series and inserts
sex in a natural way in order to make the story really fun. The main problem
is that the grammar is very bad; but most readers will be willing to excuse
this shortcoming. In addition, the language connoisseur will find some simple
but interesting usage mistakes that make the story even more fun: the grand
finally (finale) occurs while Penelope is in the throws (throes) of orgasm,
all be it (albeit) nearly naked. Furthermore, from a cunning linguistic point
of view, the absorbing and attractive alliterations nearly make up for the bad
grammar, as (for example) when the villain directs his deadly dick toward the
delicious denouement of the dastardly deed of penetrating the pink partitions
of poor Penelope Pitstop's pulchritudinous pussy.
Ratings for "Penelope Pitstop's Picnic of Peril"
Athena (technical quality):6
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10