Celestial Reviews 45 - Dec 13, 1995 Note: I am going to scream the next time I hear somebody say there's nothing but trash here on alt.sex.stories. I resolved this week to cut back on stories - to read only really good stories, so that I could get on with my holiday preparations. But I kept finding more and more stories that looked so good that I simply had to read them. I think for Christmas my husband is going to enter me into a 12-step program to cut down on a.s.s. - except I think he sees benefit in my reading for him too. Second Note: The "proofreading" service is up and running. IF YOU WANT FREE HELP AND FEEDBACK BEFORE POSTING A STORY, contact me, and I'll match you up with one of the reviewers. If others are interested in offering their services as proofreaders, please contact me. - Celeste "Landlady" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 8 "Lawyer" by Deirdre (ff sex) 9 "Lunch" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 7 "Joan Carter of Mars" by Alan Barclay (science fiction) 8 "Jenny's New Vocabulary" by Wolf (step-incest) 8 " POLYNOMIALS - Silly math puns" by Anonymous (Humor) 7 "Love, Angela II" by Wildhelm (first time ff sex) 10 "Rock Concert Coupling" by Jackie (public sex) 10 "An Intimate Interview with a Vampire" by Rocket 88 (vampire sex) 4 "Found Out!" by Troy (romance & cybersex) 10 "Diving for Sushi" by K.M. Giansante (academic sex). 10 * = Repost of a previous review (because the story has been recently reposted). "Landlady" by Deirdre. I'm going to try to predict Deirdre's plots again today. In this one a woman will go to pay her rent, but will find the landlady in tears over the fact that she suspects the landlord of being unfaithful. The woman will comfort the landlady by having sex with her. After a few weeks of intimacy, the woman and the landlady will realize they are deeply in love; and they will decide to tell their spouses about their new relationship. When they go upstairs to break the news to their spouses, they will find the woman's husband wearing a mask and swinging a small whip while he sodomizes the landlord. What really happened: one woman shares an apartment with another. The landlady takes the woman shopping and encourages her to buy some sexy clothing. When they get home, the landlady asks her to put on a brief striptease act. Shortly thereafter the woman discovers that the landlord and landlady have made her roommate into a sex slave and that they seem to have similar designs on herself. I wasn't even close, was I? (Rating: 8) "Lawyer" by Deirdre. This plot should be easy to predict; so I'll do both a general and a specific prediction. The general prediction (which I confidently know will be correct) is that a person of one gender will visit a lawyer of the other gender to seek a divorce from a person of the same gender as the lawyer. The lawyer will either simply seduce the client or turn the client into a sex slave who will be loaned or rented out to wealthier clients. (Of course, this plot assumes that lawyers have gender.) More specifically, a female client will be seeking a divorce from her husband, whom she accuses of being abusive because he wants to whip her and have anal sex with her. The lawyer will help the woman gain the divorce, but he will also use mind control tactics to make the woman lust for whippings and anal sex. The woman will join the lawyer's stable of sex slaves, whom the lawyer rents to wealthy clients. The first client the woman services will be her husband. Needless to say, I wasn't even close. This is a story about simple ff sex with a woman who happens to be a lawyer. It was a good story, but I think even Deirdre would like mine better. (Ratings: Deirdre's story - 9; my version - 10) "Lunch" by Deirdre. After my previous two experiences, I have resigned from trying to predict Deirdre's plots. After all, I have begun to suspect that she is using my guesses as plots for subsequent stories. Lunch. I mean this one could involve sex *at* lunch or sex *for* lunch, and I refuse to get into a mental tither over a preposition. What actually happens is that a salesman asks to see the Boss without an appointment. The Boss goes out with this guy for lunch, then calls back saying she'll be late, then later, then that she'll take the day off, then the next day off, then the next two weeks.... If this were an ordinary Sherwood Anderson story we would not know what to think, but since this is a Deirdre story we suspect sex at the roots of this unusual tardiness. You'll have to read the story to find out more. (Rating: 7) "Joan Carter of Mars" by Alan Barclay (alanb@wimsey.com). This one caught me by surprise. I had downloaded it but set it aside because I was too busy. Then the author wrote and asked me what I thought of it, and so I took a look. The first chapter convinced me that this was going to be a really creative story about a quiet, proper librarian who gets transported to Mars. Since the circumstances there are so different from her regular life, she assumes she is in a dream; and so all her inhibitions leave her, and she takes up a much less reserved lifestyle. All three chapters were fairly interesting, but the second and third did not live up to the high hopes I had established for this story while I read the first chapter, which had an excellent blend of the familiar and the exotic. I am not a science fiction addict, but I do occasionally enjoy the genre. I liked the Star Wars Trilogy because it was really a western in outer space. (Even better was a cult film some kids talked me into called Star Fighter.) The currently incomplete"Tie Fighter" series that is being posted on a.s.s. is an excellent example of this type of science fiction. The present story is not as logically complete as the "Tie Fighter" stories. In addition, after the excellent first chapter, it is not as creative as some of the TG (transgender) science fiction, such as "The Draft." It simply uses the Martian scenario to provide an environment for some hot sex. I guess this is why the story is posted on alt.sex.stories instead of alt.science.fiction. In summary, I was at first enthusiastic and then disappointed; but my disappointment has to be understood in the context of the extremely high expectations the first chapter set for me. Overall, this is still a pretty good story. (Rating: 8) "Jenny's New Vocabulary" by Wolf (wolf@sf.znet.com). The man in this story has become infatuated with his stepdaughter. She is the 18-year- old daughter of his former wife, who died three years after he married her. At the beginning of the story he manages to restrain his lust within the bounds of dirty thoughts and playing with her underwear when she's not around, but we have a suspicion that this relationship is going to escalate. The girl is voluptuous but very naive and innocent. The stepfather's first stroke of real luck comes when the girl breaks a house rule; of course he has to spank her on her naked little ass. In spite of this turn-on, the father manages to show considerable restraint, for fear of public exposure and punishment. The big breakthrough comes when the father invites the daughter to lie down next to him and enjoy an episode of Jeopardy (a popular American TV quiz show) with him. He gives her a massage, and pretty soon his fingers are exploring places that would be proscribed by most social norms. They don't really watch much of Jeopardy, but the father starts teaching the naive girl some words with which she had previously been unfamiliar - like "snatch." Shortly after he starts eating her cunt, she demonstrates her learning ability by using the word snatch correctly to describe the activity. The young lady is a fast learner: within a single session she goes from being a naive virgin to being a naive cocksucker and to doggy-style vaginal penetration. The father is kind of gallant about the whole affair. Although he really likes possessing her sexually, he realizes that she'll have to move on - to make her mark in the world by contributing her body to the countless men who will undoubtedly be eager to get into her panties. In spite of all these relatively normal behavior patterns, the father does have a few quirks. For example, on prom night instead of cross- examining and threatening the boyfriend, he requires the girl to exhibit parts of her anatomy and practice her vocabulary in order to obtain the paternal seal of approval. On this occasion, while he fucks her in the ass as a prelude to vaginal and oral penetration, she confesses to him that she has some unruly habits and thinks she may have sluttish tendencies. The father assures her that this is OK. Aside from the moral issues, I had some minor problems with the story. For example, why would a girl who has just had a guy licking the juices out of her cunt be embarrassed about letting him bury his face in her tits? On a more serious note, I think a medical warning is in order. I know we're supposed to suspend reality far enough to believe that unprotected promiscuous sex does not lead to sexually transmitted diseases or emotional difficulties; but I think this story brings up a problem that we don't usually think about. The guy takes his dick straight from the girl's ass to her pussy and then to her mouth. Although this may be fun, it is not a good idea, simply because the anal area contains microbes or something that are different from those in the other areas. The body's natural defenses, therefore, are weakened; and the recipient would very likely get an uncomfortable infection from doing this. Just thought you'd like to know. Assuming you like to read about a guy who is sort of mixed up emotionally and a girl that's equally confused about life, this is a pretty good story. In many parts of the world the girl is old enough that the father wouldn't even be arrested if anyone found out about what they were doing. (Rating: 8) "POLYNOMIALS - Silly math puns" by Anonymous (an141411@anon.penet.fi). Somebody sent me this with a note that it would be unintelligible except to persons with a couple of years of college calculus. I don't have that much background; but I am proud to announce that I still enjoyed this humor, which consists of a bunch of puns on math terms that have potentially sexual double meanings. I'm not going to try to summarize this "story" except to say that it ends with Polly Nomial going to l'Hospital and generating a small but pathological function which left little surds all over the place and drove Polly to deviation. The moral of the story is, "If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom," which is the same advice applied to sex education in some traditional families. Somebody once said that the pun is the lowest form of humor. That's not true: that honor is shared by the Longest Thread postings and the racist humor occasionally found on rec.humor (Rating: 7) "Love, Angela II" by Wildhelm (an426586@anon.penet.fi). This story is written in the form of a letter from Angela to Denise. It focuses on a woman's first sexual experience with another woman. The story was well done. The author uses the format well and mentions details that develop an ambience and sexual tension that made me want to finish the whole story immediately. I hope to see more stories from this author. (Rating: 10) "Rock Concert Coupling" by Jackie (an338903@anon.penet.fi). This story is written from the perspective of a horny 14-year-old girl. She and her boyfriend meet in the midst of a crowd at a rock concert; and parental fears about the orgies that occur at rock concerts are fulfilled. The sex is hot. In fact, the sexual enthusiasm spreads like a fever to the other members of the surrounding crowd, and soon we have a small orgy on our hands. I don't for a moment believe that any responsible young people actually carry on like this. After all, I was present at Woodstock along with 4 million other sex-crazed kids, and nothing happened. We just held hands and sang along with the guy playing the accordion. All kidding aside (sorta), even if we agree that it would be a really bad idea to fuck in a public place like this, I think we can also admit that this is a really good depiction of the fantasies of a young adolescent girl. I know I have had almost this same adolescent fantasy, but I was 37 at the time One of the few flaws in this story occurred in the first paragraph, where the narrator referred to her "unrelentless" craving for her boyfriend. There's no such word. It's either "unrelenting" or "relentless." I also question the use of the phrase "unable to contain my pent-up lust any longer" after the girl has already had at least one resounding orgasm and started to give the guy head in the middle of the crowd. I think we're already beyond pent-up. The author concludes by asking if readers would like to see this story continue. It may surprise you to know that my answer is NO. I would prefer that the author hack off the last paragraph, replace it with a different line or two to end the story, and then write a second story. Authors should resist the urge to ruin a good thing by prolonging it too long. I want more, but not necessarily a continuation of this same story. The moral of this story, of course, is always carry some tissue paper in your purse in case the guy doesn't like the taste of his own cum and you want to French kiss him after having oral sex in public. I think the author got this suggestion from either Miss Manners or that advice column in Seventeen Magazine. (Rating: 10). "An Intimate Interview with a Vampire" by Rocket88 (rick84@mindspring.com). As I have said before, I am not an aficionado of vampires, werewolves, witches, or other preternatural forces. Nevertheless, I think this story has considerable potential - especially for people who understand the ground rules of vampires better than I do. The problem with this story is that it lacks even rudimentary proofreading. The author is obviously intelligent, and so he/she attempts to use fairly sophisticated ideas and sentence structures to convey his/her plot. But the mistakes are so glaring as to convince me that the author simply doesn't want to spend the time to make the story reader- friendly. I mean, does the author really think that it makes sense to "lye" in a motionless embrace? Lye is a chemical that cleans my plumbing. And then near the middle of the story I read these lines: "The fire grew more intense. MailFirst....Save As... She said. MailTheres pleasure.Save As... And with out another word she opened her mouth and gently covered mine." This garbled writing may be the result of a faulty mailer rather than poor writing skills; but it certainly is annoying. In addition, throughout the story the verbs are frequently screwed up. As I said earlier, the author is obviously intelligent; and so he/she sometimes starts using a past perfect tense or the subjunctive mood correctly, but then all of a sudden we're in the present tense and indicative mood. There are several instances of misplaced modifiers, like this one (which also contains a comma splice): "It was if she never used these feet to walk, scented and soft, I put her toes into my mouth using my tongue to wet them." Literally, this sentence means that the guy sucking the toes was smelled nice and was soft; and I doubt that's what the author intended. A few lines later we hear about "the beating of her hart." A hart is a male deer. What does the author really mean here: "...my mind soured as I clung tightly as the sweat that gummed my body to hers was causing my arms to slide." I think the guy's mind *soared*, but the sentence clearly says that it turned sour! Here's one more that I kinda liked: "My flesh was ripped and I needed to explode, I wanted orgasm, I started to beg to her. Mailplease dont stopSave As..." Finally, I think a succubus is a ghostly visitor that goes under the person being visited; this critter sounds more like an incubus. I don't derive sexual satisfaction from making fun of authors' mistakes, and I don't mean to give the impression that I want to humiliate this author. For me to say that a vampire story has potential means that it *really* has potential. I myself recently spelled "waist" incorrectly in Celestial Reviews (although I was actually copying the words of a different writer). Mistakes happen. But when mistakes accumulate, readers get annoyed and wonder why the author hasn't gone to the trouble of preparing the text properly. Creative ideas are the most important part of a story, and I think this story may have creative ideas. But there's no reason why creative ideas cannot be presented more coherently than this. It's not just English teachers who get upset at this. English teachers may be the only ones who know why they're upset; but readers in general will find this presentation to be annoying. I urge this author and others like him/her to take advantage of my offer to find free volunteer proofreaders. This could possibly have been an excellent story if the author would have given it the care it deserves. (Rating: 4) "Found Out!" by Troy (ids@sojourn.com). This is a story about a normal man. His wife has died, and he has children. This is, I think, the third story I have read on a.s.s. where a person has children without having sex with them. Anyhow, this guy is a normal man whose wife has died and he's trying to live a normal life, which includes having cybersex with Donna, whose hot fantasies send him to bed happy at night. I honestly think both Ann Landers and Dear Abby would approve. I mean, holy cumshot! - he even got the idea to check out the internet from a soccer mom at one of his son's games. The guy even meets the new love of his life when she falls into his lap when the bus jerks violently on a school-sponsored field trip. I love it! This is a really hot, sexy story about a person who leads a very normal life. I hope this author writes more stories as good as this one. (Rating: 10) "Diving for Sushi" by K.M. Giansante (kaygee@vision.postech.ac.kr). Let me assure you that no self-respecting English professor who was happily married and was likely to be fired if he was found to be having sex with a student would actually have sex in a jacuzzi with a sexy foreign student who was half his age and couldn't even speak the language but could communicate only through her most basic instincts. (The part that was least realistic was where the author mentioned the cookies and juice.) However, as a fantasy this is really a good one. What do you think English professors think about while they're waiting for students to finish their exams? The same things their students think about when the teachers are giving those really boring lectures! Hence this story. (Rating: 10)