Celestial Reviews 44 - Dec 9, 1995
Note: I have a short list of persons who are willing to help other
authors by proofreading and commenting on early versions of stories.
This is not the same as offering "remedial education." All these
writers are expected to do is read a story and make suggestions about
grammar, style, and what they think needs to be clarified. Authors are
free to accept or ignore the advice they receive. It is likely that
authors and proofreaders will develop strange and wonderful
relationships.
At the present time, I think it is best that I serve as a central
clearing house. If you (an author) would like to have a volunteer
proofreader, contact me; and I'll give your name to someone on my list.
By doing it this way, we can minimize the chance that one proofreader
will get all the work while someone else gets nothing to read. An
author who is dissatisfied with the arrangement can always contact me a
second time for another proofreader.
Proofreading is actually fun, if you have time to do it; and the
authors will benefit greatly. If you are interested in doing this, all
I need is your name and your permission to give out your e-mail address
(it can even be an anonymous address).
So IF YOU WANT FREE HELP AND FEEDBACK BEFORE POSTING A STORY, contact
me, and I'll match you up with one of the reviewers.
Second Note: Because several people have requested it, I am reposting
Virtuous Reality today. Your comments are welcome.
- Celeste
"Flight" by Stephanie (TG public sex) 10
"Wonderful Journey" by Kid Dynamite (mile high public
sex) 10
"Seen by Air" by Rajah Dodger (mile high public sex) 9
"Interview2" by Deirdre (oral sex) 8
"Julie" by Deirdre (anal sex) 4
"Lake" by Deirdre (bondage & ff sex) 9
"Debra Eats Pizza" by K.M. Giansante (hot sex) 8
"Reunion" by Steve Black (romance) 10
"Sue Saves Christmas " Paul LeComte (holiday orgy) 10
"With Sue: A Weekend on the Island" by Anonymous (hot
orgy) 10
"The Good Neighbor" by Delta (existential epiphany) 10
"Beverly and Deanna" by Ann Douglas (sci fi) 10
"The Diary" by Court-Jester and Train (teen sex) 8
Here are the winners of the Second Annual Celestial Story Contest. The
general story line of all of them is that a woman is traveling with her
husband and begins to masturbate after he falls asleep. A stewardess
notices this.... (and then the new author takes over). Since the
stories tend to depend on interesting twists, I'll try to critique them
without revealing information that would make them less interesting.
All three of the finalists are excellent authors, whose work has
received high ratings in the past. I was faced with a close and
difficult decision, but I am giving first place to Stephanie for the
story reviewed below. The other two finalists (reviewed immediately
afterwards) were also excellent stories. I was happy to be able to
stimulate three good writers to write such excellent stories. I
encourage the authors to post (or repost) the stories for everyone to
read.
"Flight" by Stephanie (an266891@anon.penet.fi). This author was also
the winner of the First Celestial Story Contest. As such, she probably
had one strike against her going into this contest: I felt a slight
urge to spread the honors around by letting someone else win. Another
strike against her was that I knew she writes TG stories; and so when
the stewardess went down on the narrator, I had a sneaking suspicion
that she was really a he. On the other hand, Stephanie had the major
advantage of being a very creative person and of handling herself quite
well with two strikes against her. Even though I "knew" what was going
to happen, I was surprised over and over again. I found it to be
particularly interesting that she was able to integrate this story with
her previous "Locksmith" story, which won the First Annual Celestial
Story Award. As the present story ended, I received the distinct
impression that I was being set up for a Third Annual Celestial Story
entry, even though she cannot possibly know what that lead-in will be.
No problem, even when I think I know exactly what Stephanie is going to
do, I still have no idea what she is going to do. (Rating: 10)
"Wonderful Journey" by Kid Dynamite (an109288@anon.penet.fi). This
story reeks with hot sex, in spite of the fact that nothing much really
happens. This author does an exceptionally good job of building and
maintaining sexual tension. As you may recall, the original stimulus
for this contest was a story by Deirdre that I said left too much to
the imagination. This present story also leaves almost everything to
the imagination, but now the imagination is more thoroughly stimulated.
An excellent story. (Rating: 10)
"Seen by Air" by Rajah Dodger (an455569@anon.penet.fi). The story
continues with the woman falling asleep and awakening to the voice of
the stewardess in a darkened cabin: "Do you have a fever?.. You look
hot." Her bedside manner does nothing to cool the woman down. Shortly
thereafter, the woman goes to the bathroom and returns to find the
stewardess in her seat, next to her sleeping husband. And then...
You'll have to read the story yourself to find out. (Rating: 9)
As you probably know, I review a large number of Deirdre's stories.
This is partly because I enjoy her stories and partly because someone
has agreed to repost three of the stories every Wednesday and Saturday,
so that they appear in the postings along with my reviews. I hope
these reviews help you enjoy these stories as much as I do.
"Lake" by Deirdre. Mom is visiting her daughter at college when the
child casually lets it slip out that her roommate is, of all things, a
lesbian! Mom doesn't like this idea one bit. But Casey says not to
worry - the roommate doesn't like college kids, just older women. Now
where do you think this story is going? Well, that's what I thought
too; but I was wrong! (Rating: 9)
"Interview2" by Deirdre. In the last issue of Celestial Reviews I
reviewed Deirdre's "Interview" and then boldly predicted what
"Interview2" would be about. I was wrong. Actually, Deirdre simply
repeats the previous story with a male inserted into the previously
female role. It's a really interesting twist. I recommend that you
read "Interview" before reading "Interview2." (Rating: 8)
"Julie" by Deirdre. This story never really gets off the ground.
Julie's life is in a rut, and her friend takes her to visit a guy who
will do different things with her - like fuck her in the ass. Deirdre
has written a lot of stories that are better than this one. (Rating:
4)
"Debra Eats Pizza" by K.M. Giansante (kaygee@vision.postech.ac.kr).
After reading "Debra Fucks My Car" for the last issue of Celestial
Reviews, I decided to see what Debra could do to a pizza. Actually,
Debra and her boyfriend merely get turned on by an attractive Mexican
waitress at the pizza place. Then they go home (sans pizza or Mexican
girl) and fuck their brains out. The story is well presented and the
sex is hot. (Rating: 8)
"Reunion" by Steve Black(c621097@showme.missouri.edu). When I reviewed
the first story by this author I complimented him for trying to blend
the emotional with the rational, but I chided him for going too far to
the rational side. This author is a fast learner: this story is an
excellent blend of the two components. I'm not going to describe the
story in detail. Briefly, it's about a man and woman who used to be
lovers but drifted apart and who become reunited at the end of this
story. Some readers will dislike it because in the first two-thirds of
the story there is no sex at all in it. Sometimes lengthy monologues
about "how I screwed up our relationship" are really boring, but the
author effectively uses lines from "their song" to break the potential
monotony.
Incidentally, I don't mean this as criticism of this particular story,
but in real life when there's a problem with a romantic relationship
and people seem to be drifting apart, there's at least one good
solution besides having an affair or dissolving the relationship. It's
called counseling. If you find that reading a.s.s. stories and even my
reviews doesn't help you get your life in order, go to the phone book
and look in the yellow pages In the Sulphur Springs Yellow Pages, you
would look under either "Mental Health Services" or "Marriage, Family,
Child & Individual Counselors." I don't know why it's not even cross-
referenced under "C" for "Counselors.". It has always angered me that
it's so much easier to find a car dealer or dentist than a counselor.
It's not an admission of failure to seek help.
On a less serious note, this story raises the question: When two people
are alone in a house and no one else even has a key, why do they close
the bedroom door when they make love? This was an excellent, romantic
story. (Rating: 10)
"Sue Saves Christmas " by Paul LeComte (FA27482@UAFSYSB.UARK.EDU). Two
heterosexuals and one lesbian (all geologists) are stranded on
Christmas Eve in a Bolivian desert, bemoaning their lack of holiday
cheer - when what to their wondering eyes should appear? It's Sue -
filling in for Santa Claus. When Sue asks them what they want for
Christmas, they all give the same answer; and so they have to share
Sue, who doesn't seem to mind it at all. This is a delightful story!
Read it with someone you love! (Rating: 10)
"With Sue: A Weekend on the Island" by Anonymous
(suenh@kear.tdsnet.com). Sue has certainly become popular on
alt.sex.stories lately. In addition to starring in the previous story
and this one, she has reposted several of her own stories in the past
few weeks; and she was the central figure in my own "Virtuous Reality."
The present story is written in the form of a letter to a minister from
his wife, who has been spending the weekend on an island with the
assistant pastor and Sue and her boyfriend. I guess you could say that
Sue was doing some missionary work, although she was rarely in that
position. This story contains a lot of really hot sex between and
among the various characters. The most serious problem I encountered
was that at one point Ross was staring at Sue with his eyes closed. I
think that would be hard to do; but with Sue all things are possible.
Since this is a partially religious tract, I suppose it is appropriate
to conclude with a partially religious question. Is it more blessed
for the pastor's wife to give or to receive head from the assistant
pastor while traveling at 65 m.p.h. on the expressway on the way home
from the island? (Rating: 10)
"The Good Neighbor" by Delta (an248969@anon.penet.fi). Stories like
this simply don't appear on alt.sex.stories - at least not very often.
Stories like this appear in literature books, written by either Russian
or German authors - or at least by European existentialists.
The plot unfolds slowly through the eyes of a man who plans to blow his
brains out. Just when we realize that this man is truly despondent and
plans to kill himself, there is a knock at the door and a woman enters
the room. She is concerned about having lost her beauty, and she asks
the man for his input. A little perturbed that this woman is
interrupting his much more significant suicide for such trivial
reasons, the man eventually decides that a final act of kindness will
do no harm and might even make a difference to her; and so he tells her
that she is beautiful. Very quickly the two find themselves preparing
to make love, and the man who was about to commit suicide suddenly
feels the need to use a condom and to put a robe on the floor to
prevent either of them from getting floor burn. And so it goes
Who is this woman? How will life change for the two of them? This is
an excellent alt.sex.STORY. (Rating: 10)
"Beverly and Deanna" by Ann Douglas. Beverly is the head doctor on the
Enterprise. To be more specific, she's the chief doctor - a head
doctor could mean something else on this newsgroup. Deanna is the
counselor on the Enterprise; and she not only instructs Beverly to take
a vacation, but she also accompanies her to Gamma Hydra IV and gets her
high on Altarian apple wine - all of which results in an interesting
ffff (female-female fucking frolic). Those futuristic counselors sure
know how to make a woman forget the cares of intergalactic life!
I'm not a Trekkie, but I did enjoy the story. There are numerous
allusions to Star Trek, which I was forced to ignnore; and more expert
readers may enjoy the story even more by making these connections.
Betazoids, of course, are more sensitive than humans in certain areas;
but other than that, it's almost as if the author is writing about two
human females. This was a thoroughly enjoyable story. (Rating: 10)
"The Diary" by Court-Jester and Train (an214983). I have reviewed
stories by the Court-Jester before; and my commentaries on his stories
have proven helpful to him as well as to several other beginning
writers who have contacted me. Therefore, this detailed review should
be regarded as helpful rather than as picky. I have every reason to
believe that the Court-Jester views me as a helpful friend and that he
is willing to share these public criticisms with other beginning
writers. I want to assure you that there are cuntless writers on
a.s.s. who have similar problems and can benefit from this advice.
This story is written in the form of a single long entry in a diary.
At the time the story is written the 15-year-old narrator is an inmate
at a sexual abuse recovery institution. She got there by fucking her
brains out with the 21-year-old dorm counselor, who is now in prison
for statutory rape. That's enough about the story. I'm not even going
to mention how they get caught having anal sex behind the front desk.
As a matter of style, I think if the authors are going to use the diary
format, it would be better to have numerous shorter entries rather than
a single long one. In addition to being more realistic (I don't know
anyone who writes just one long entry in a diary), the larger number of
entries spread over several days would offer opportunities to examine
events and feelings from different perspectives. At times the story
has what I'll call uneven seams - bad connections - places where the
authors either needlessly repeat obvious details or omit information
that would help the flow of the story. These problems could be
eliminated by simply starting a new day's entry at those junctures.
The story also contains numerous grammatical and spelling errors. To a
certain extent, these are fine; after all, this is supposed to be the
diary of an oversexed teenage girl, not of a rocket scientist. Some of
the errors are on the border between being fun and being distracting;
for example, the authors use Aphroditey for the name of the Greek
goddess of love. An unlettered teenager might spell the name that way,
but perhaps it would be better to spell it correctly to avoid a
needless distraction. However, a large number of the errors are
distracting. For example, the narrator talks of "parting" with her
friends when she means "partying." It is not easy to write prose that
deliberately looks "unlearned" - successful authors have struggled with
methods to make characters sound natural (that is, a little
unintelligent) without annoying the hell out of their readers. The key
point is that the "mistakes" should sound like those the character
would make. Therefore, it's OK to say "Who are you talking to?" (which
is bad grammar but natural) - but it is not OK to say the girl was
"parting with her friends" or "she meet him for the first time (both of
which are bad grammar, but give the impression of confusion on the part
of the author and therefore annoy the reader). My impression is that
the authors relied too heavily on spellcheck instead of a careful
proofreading. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY FREE SERVICE. GET SOMEONE TO
PROOFREAD YOUR NEXT STORY.
On the very positive side, the "confusion" in the order in which the
plot unfolds is well done. We get details in a disorganized, non-
linear order; but it would be natural for an adolescent girl writing a
diary to omit details or presume that the reader knew things that would
actually be known only to the author herself. For example, the
narrator talks about her "special friends" as if we know who they are,
and we gradually figure out that these are a group of girls who
masturbate together.
{Did you notice my subtle humor in the first paragraph of the review of
this story? I used the word "cuntless." Did you think I had made a
mistake for "countless"? Or did I really mean cuntless? Was I perhaps
referring to *men* as cuntless readers - or even worse, was I was
suggesting that men who write badly can't get a woman? Since I usually
spell pretty well and talk pretty good, you might as well assume that I
did this on purpose. But if I usually made constant mistakes in my
writing, you would not know what to make of it. So here we have
further evidence for the value of proofreading.
With exams coming up in schools all over the civilized world, it will
be interesting to see if any college students are bold enough to work
the word "countless" into their essays and to omit the "o." It's my
theory that cuntless students will feel tempted to do this but won't
have the balls to actually do it! As my husband puts it: "Celeste,
you're pretty good as a cunning linguist; but don't quit your regular
job at fellatio." Meanwhile, over in Nacogdoches, I can hear Hari Figg
trashing an e-mail message to me and mumbling, "Dammit! Foiled again!
She spelled cuntless that way on purpose."}
What we have here is actually a very good story - still somewhat marred
by faulty proofreading. The moral of the story, of course, is that if
you are running a dorm for a girls' camp, don't put a horny 21-year-old
male on the night shift as the Dorm Assistant. (Rating: 8)