Celestial Reviews 43 - Dec 6, 1995

Note:  I have a short list of persons who are willing to help other 
authors by proofreading and commenting on early versions of stories.  
This is not the same as offering "remedial education."  All these 
writers are expected to do is read a story and make suggestions about 
grammar, style, and what they think needs to be clarified.  Authors are 
free to accept or ignore the advice they receive.  It is likely that 
authors and proofreaders will develop strange and wonderful 
relationships.

At the present time, I think it is best that I serve as a central 
clearing house.  If you (an author) would like to have a volunteer 
proofreader, contact me; and I'll give your name to someone on my list.  
By doing it this way, we can minimize the chance that one proofreader 
will get all the work while someone else gets nothing to read.  An 
author who is dissatisfied with the arrangement can always contact me a 
second time for another proofreader.  If others are interested in 
offering their services as proofreaders, please contact me.

My suggestion is that the authors avoid using a certain character (such 
as brackets{}); and then the reviewers can insert use this character to 
label comments when they return a story.  Proofreading of creative 
stories is actually fun, if you have time to do it; and the authors 
would benefit greatly.  If you are interested in doing this, all I need 
is your name and your permission to give authors your e-mail address 
(it can even be an anonymous address).

- Celeste

      "Home" by Deirdre (oral sex) 7
      "Initiation" by Deirdre (dominance) 8
      "Interview" by Deirdre (oral sex) 8
      "The Warlock" by Rocket88 (witchcraft & whippings) 7
      "Chain Letter" by Anonymous (hot sex) 9.5
      "Debra Fucks My Car" by K.M.Giansante (auto-erotic
            sex) 10
      "A Story for Jack" by Mark jo342 (hypnosis & mm
            dominance) 10
      "Bike Ride" by Cindy and Rick (whipsaw romance) 8
      "lions, tygers, and blondes (oh my!)" by ROLLER 666
            (humor, I think) 3
      "My Morning at The Doctor's" by anonymous (primitive
            voyeurism) 3

"Home" by Deirdre.  The neighbor's wife goes away for a week, and he 
comes over to spend time with the narrator and his girlfriend.  He's 
obviously in heat, and he's a great flirt; so the narrator is afraid 
that he will seduce his girlfriend.  Therefore, when the neighbor 
suggests that the guy give him a blow job to reduce his sexual tension, 
he complies; and then events compound until you can well imagine what 
happens.

I once said that one of Deirdre's stories seemed unrealistic, and a 
reader criticized me by saying, "It's fantasy, not reality.  It's not 
supposed to be realistic."  Still, this story seemed less "plausible" 
than most of the other Deirdre stories I have reviewed.  It just really 
didn't seem logical that the guy would do what he did.  But it's still 
not a bad story.  (Rating: 7)

"Initiation" be Deirdre.  "It was my senior year and I was called upon to play 
a leadership role in my sorority.  Specifically, I was asked to plan an 
initiation activity that would give the new members pause.  Something other 
than the formal initiation that would catch them off guard."  Holy cumshot!  
What kind of sorority is this?  Do these kids have any idea whom they are 
dealing with?  It's scary to think that there may actually be sororities out 
there with people like Deirdre in them.  Maybe she'll suggest a scavenger 
hunt.  I'm not going to tell you what she did suggest, but let me assure you 
that whatever Deidre suggested was well within the guidelines of the school 
with which the sorority was affiliated. (Rating: 8)

"Interview" by Deirdre.  Predicting this story's plot, I told myself,  
is going to be a piece of cake.  The woman is going to interview for a 
job, which she badly needs; and she'll have to become a sex slave to 
get the job.  I was close, but the story was still quite interesting.  
Ooops!  I just noticed that Deirdre's next story is entitled 
"Interview2."  I'll bet that one's about a woman who is going to 
interview for a job, which she badly needs, and she'll have to become a 
sex slave to get the job.  (Rating: 8)

"The Warlock" by Rocket88 (Rick84@mindspring.com).  An immediate 
problem that I had with this story was that the text was full of 
enigmatic characters that were symbolized by squares on my screen.  
These were very distracting.  I used the global replacement function on 
my word processor, and I quickly and automatically changed them all to 
open quotes, end quotes, and apostrophes.  I encourage you to do 
something similar to minimize distractions when you read this story.

This story involves witchcraft and the "black arts."  I view witchcraft 
as it is treated in this story to be a form of fairy tale.  Because I 
have not been excited about fairy tales since my early childhood, I 
have lost touch with many of the assumptions that underlie witchcraft 
stories.  My most current knowledge of witchcraft is derived from 
Elizabeth Montgomery, to whom I am deeply indebted for indirect sexual 
pleasure, because that enchanted creature has often improved my 
husband's mood while he has watched reruns of "Bewitched."  I have some 
sincere friends who say they are witches and practice a pagan religion, 
and they object to stories that focus on magical black arts.  I guess 
that's more than you need to hear; my point is that I am reviewing this 
story as an outsider - a non-enthusiast who is generally unimpressed 
with spells and arcane ceremonies.  I am reviewing this story primarily 
because the author emphatically asked me to do so.

Because of the reservations stated in the previous paragraph, I 
approached this story with considerable trepidation.  I was pretty sure 
I either would not understand it or I would hate it.  The story focuses 
on Gina, an attractive woman, and Louis, a visiting professor at the 
University of Chicago with a specialization in antiquities.  Louis is 
really a warlock (a male witch).  Gina is especially fascinated by his 
whips.  I found the description of how Gina got interested in spankings 
during her childhood to be interesting and realistic.  Louis needs to 
administer a ritualistic beating to a consenting female human in order 
to achieve some sort of rapture and return to a different world.  He 
attaches the willing Gina to an unusual torture device and administers 
the beatings, which she enjoys immensely.  Rapture comes, and poof! he 
is gone and she is transported back to her home in Rockford, Illinois.

Actually, I was fascinated by the story.  I achieved a zero level of 
pre-orgasmic moisture, and I don't recommend that anyone actually 
participate in such activities; but I was fascinated.  I think bdsm 
enthusiasts will enjoy this story, and it enabled me to achieve a 
better understanding of sadism and masochism.  As with many other 
stories, however, I am still struck by the constant repetition of 
silly, distracting grammar errors that could easily have been removed 
prior to posting.  Not a bad story.  (Rating: 7)

"Chain Letter" by Anonymous.  Don't panic!  I have received an odd 
chain letter - odd in that it contained only curses and no promises of 
rewards.  It also included a plaintive plea for someone to "remove the 
curse"; and so I hereby remove any curses associated with the letter.

I was instructed to send the letter to thirteen (13) people within six 
(6) days.  I was also told that I could omit anything except what was 
between the "asterixes" and that I could add anything I wanted to add.  
My immediate benefactor, being a most clever person, had omitted the 
"asterixes." This may sound careless, but it was actually clever and 
legitimate, since technically the asterixes themselves were not within 
the asterixes.  In gratitude I should probably send the de-astericized 
letter back to my benefactor; but I consider chain letters to be such a 
pain in the posterior that I think I'll reject that thought.  Now, 
since there are no asterixes, I am free to omit everything; and I have 
inserted the now invisible chain letter somewhere within this document, 
where you have probably already read it.

Don't be upset!  As I said, I have removed all the curses.  For 
example, one foolish former recipient "died of a wound received by his 
dog."  That's either a grammatical error or quite a trick; but it's not 
likely to happen to you.  Having removed the curses, I can now assure 
you that nothing bad will happen if you fail to send this chain letter 
to someone else.  The only remaining curse is on people who insert new 
curses; the curse on them will (1) cause the penis of either the curser 
or a loved one of the curser to decrease substantially in size 
immediately after a satisfactory sexual experience and (2) render any 
new curse null and void.

I was also informed that the chain letter had been around the world 
several times (actually not all that impressive in the world of 
cyberspace, but impressive at the time the letter originated in a 
grammatically backward part of either India or Indiana in 1955).  I was 
instructed to add 13 to the number of recipients of this letter.  I 
have done so.  The answer is 101,611.  This was easy; I could have done 
it even without a calculator.  I suppose if you want to be absolutely 
sure this chain letter will work, you should also add 13 to some 
number; but with all the branching that must certainly go on when these 
wonderful letters are sent and received, I don't know to what number 
you should add 13 or what you should do with your sum.

Anyway, in place of the curses I have inserted (a) tremendous sexual 
benefits if you read my reviews and (b) a promise of eternal bliss if 
you simply lead a sinless existence and do good deeds the rest of your 
life.  And so, if you find yourself reaping sudden sexual benefits 
within six days of sending copies of this letter to thirteen persons, 
you'll know where these goodies came from.  To gain these benefits, of 
course, it is necessary to send only the original (invisible) part of 
this letter.  You can obtain this essential kernel of truth by simply 
deleting everything that is not invisible, saving the invisible part to 
a file on hard disk or floppy, and inserting the invisible message into 
documents you send to someone else.  As near as I can understand it, 
the message does not technically have to be included in a letter.  It 
would also work, for example, in posters, final literature exams, 
church bulletins, and Beatles records played backwards.  It would also 
work subliminally in infomercials.

I checked the ground rules, and as far as I can see there is nothing to 
keep thirteen people from forming a closed group and sending this 
message back and forth amongst themselves ad infinitum.  (Ooops!  You 
would actually need fourteen people.)  Indeed, the letter that I 
received cites several persons who wrote from insane asylums, and it is 
likely that they were pursuing this very course of action.  However, 
it's not clear how this level of redundancy would be counted in either 
the number of recipients to which 13 should be added or the number of 
times the letter has circumnavigated the world.

There is no need to thank me!  (Rating: 9.5)

"Debra Fucks My Car" by K.M.Giansante (kaygee@vision.postech.ac.kr ).  
I have to give this author bonus points for creativity: I never thought 
of having a guy get high by watching his girlfriend masturbate by 
lowering herself entirely onto his floor shift.  Come to think of it, 
there may be a couple of country western songs that involve this form 
of auto-eroticism, if we give double meaning to some of the words.  
("Ain't nothing wrong with her radio!")  Anyway, this story was well 
written.  It's really more of an interesting anecdote than a short 
story; but the author gets right to the point -  enough details about 
the girl and the relationship and then right into the action.  Pretty 
good!  (Rating: 10)

"A Story for Jack" by Mark jo342.  The story begins with a guy and a 
friend in a gay bar.  The friend points out another man whom he labels 
as dangerous, and the guy immediately becomes attracted and allows 
himself to be picked up by this dangerous man, who takes him home and 
hypnotizes him, making him eager to learn to become "the hottest 
slaveboy ever."  I am an expert on neither the gay scene nor hypnosis; 
but based on what I know of each, this story seems to be a plausible 
presentation.  This author shows special strengths in setting the 
ambiance for a good story and for the timing with which the story is 
delivered.  After you read the last line of this story, the title will 
have new meaning.  (Rating: 10)

"Bike Ride" by Cindy (CynTil8Ing@aol.com) and Rick (rockinrlr@aol.com).  
Collaborative productions like this are often referred to as whipsaw 
stories.  The authors probably have never met in person - just online.  
One starts the story and writes up to a certain point, and then turns 
the writing duties over to the other.  Sometimes the authors try to 
back the other into the corner by turning the plot over to the other 
under outlandish circumstances, or the receiving author may try to give 
events an unexpected twist.  In other cases it is almost possible to 
feel the authors trying to seduce each other across cyberspace.  
Sometimes these stories are of little interest to anyone other than the 
authors.  The present story is a good composition and definitely 
appeals to outsiders.  I think this is because these authors have taken 
care not only to have a good time themselves but also to make the story 
interesting to people that do not already have insight into their 
little inside stories that would be easy to omit.  In addition, I think 
these authors must have spent at least a little time engaged in the 
extremely erotic activity of proofreading and improving each other's 
share of the manuscript.

The woman is out mowing the grass when the bicycling man stops to ask 
for directions.  It is too late in the day for him to reach his 
destination; so she offers to let him stay in the guest house.  Shortly 
thereafter she joins him in the shower, and they engage in passionate 
sex, which is described from both viewpoints.  The story ends (at least 
for now) with them having each other's body covered with whip cream for 
dessert   An advantage of this kind of story is that the reader can see 
the authors flirting with each other as the story evolves.  A 
disadvantage in this particular case is that there are still some rough 
edges from the fact that there are two separate authors who have not 
perfectly coordinated their activities.  It is legitimate for the 
coauthors to do some co-editing before going to press; and while I 
think these authors have done some of that, they could have done a 
little more.  Overall, however, it was a good story!  (Rating: 8)

"lions, tygers, and blondes (oh my!)" by ROLLER 666.  As I have skimmed 
past the Naughty Naked Dreamgirl (NND) entries in the a.s.s. postings, 
I have occasionally wondered if I was missing anything.  I downloaded 
this one by accident, and now I at least know that I am not missing 
much.  If this is representative of NND, then the best way to describe 
it might be to say that NND is a less literate imitation of Mad 
Magazine or of Beavis and Butthead.  There is no plot (just something 
that vaguely involves bdsm) and a lot of inside jokes that presumably 
are taken from previous NND stories or from Beavis and Butthead.  I 
couldn't help thinking that the story sometimes bordered close to being 
either clever or intelligible, but I think I might have been mistaken 
about that.  I doubt that I'll read or review any more of these NND 
stories.  I should point out, however, that Beavis & Butthead 
enthusiasts might see something in this that I missed.  (Rating: 3)

"My Morning at The Doctor's" by Anonymous.  I picked this one up on 
rec.arts.erotica under the title "Doctor's Orders."  For a while those 
stories were being cross-posted to a.s.s.  This article is not really 
illiterate (except that the author doesn't know the difference between 
the past tense of LIE and LAY and between ENVIOUS and ENVIABLE), but 
the story is so juvenile that perhaps we should look at it through the 
eyes of the sages of MTV.  You'll perhaps notice that I have their 
speech patterns only about half right:

Beavis:  Hey, Butthead.  In this story a guy goes to take a leak at his 
wife's gynecologist's office, and he gets to peek into the examination 
room through one of those little holes in the wall through which they 
pass the urine specimens.

Butthead: Cool!  You said hole.

Beavis:  And the guy gets to see a real naked woman and he watches the 
doctor who has this real envious job of sticking his finger into their 
pussies and assholes and everything.

Butthead:  Cool! Naked women! Fingers in pussies.  You said asshole.

Beavis: And then the guy squirts his jism all over the wall and 
resolves to come to the gynecologist with his wife as often as 
possible.

Butthead:  Cool! Naked women! Fingers in pussies.  You said asshole.  
It makes me fart just to think about it!  I said fart.

Beavis:  I'd really like to get my hand into that kind of work.

Butthead:  Cool! Naked women! Fingers in pussies.  You said asshole.

Really, now.  Do adult males actually think it's erotic to watch a 
woman get a physical examination?  Do adult males also fantasize about 
women having bowel movements or picking their pimples?  I mean, I think 
Piers Bronsan is sexy; and I guess if the only time I could see a naked 
guy was when Piers was in the Port-o-Let, I might be tempted to look. 
But if I had the liberty to *fantasize* about viewing him in his glory, 
my fantasy wouldn't put him on the toilet trying to squeeze one out or 
bent over for the proctologist.  Maybe I missed something in fetish 
school.  Incidentally, I really doubt that the men's room at most 
gynecologists' offices typically comes with a peep hole into the 
examination room.   There's this problem called malpractice. (Rating: 
3)