Celestial Reviews 24 - Sept 30, 1995 Note: I have received two entries so far in the First Annual Celestial Writing Contest. As you may recall, I reviewed a story in which a locksmith responded to his beeper and a woman answered the phone: "Are you the locksmith? Oh! Thank God! My friend has been handcuffed, and we don't have the key. Can you help us?" After this nice set-up with great potential, nothing sexual happened in that story. So I initiated a contest. Just write a story based on the above premise. (You don't have to use the exact words or context.) Any author who wishes to do so may enter. Send it to me at celeste801@aol.com. (I'd suggest that you just post the stories, but this would lead to plagiarism and other forms of confusion.) The winner will be announced on October 7. If you submit early enough, I'll even give you free feedback. Second Note: I am getting more and more requests for reviews. This is fine with me, since it enables me to see a lot of good stories. However, it also makes it difficult for me to find time to seek out and download many other stories posted on a.s.s. If you would like to increase the probability that your story will be reviewed, you may want to e-mail me a copy in advance. That procedure also makes it more likely that I'll be able to review it while people can still find it in their postings. - Celeste "Holly" by Dirty Dawg and Tristmegistis (Action adventure) 9 "Hotsprings" by Delta (D&s romance) 10 "Princess Charming" by TruthHurts (rape & torture) 10 "A Great Party" by Red Dragon (Swinging & Group Sex) 4 "After" by Deirdre (spanking) 8 "Afternoon" by Deirdre. (ff sex & voyeurism) 10 "Airport" by Deirdre (massage, anal sex, voyeurism) 10 "Summer Dreams" by Lysander (romance) 10 "Batman Forever Part 3" by Roger P Tipe (celebrity sex) 5 "Holly" by Dirty Dawg (drambo@primenet.com) and Tristmegistis (an222260@anon.penet.fi). A while ago Dirty Dawg posted Part 1 of this but never got around to finishing it. Another author (Tristmegistis) asked permission to 'borrow' his characters for a continuation story, and hence we have this finished product. The plot focuses on two undercover cops who work together and fall in love with each other. They get assigned to a case involving prostitution and drugs; and the female partner (Holly) has to do some unsavory things to make the bust. The plot has a lot of interesting twists. The only problem with the story is that a lot of it (especially later in the story) seems to be a mere summary of what went on, rather than an actual description of events. One unique feature of this story is that the hero has "only" a six-inch cock. All the medical and scientific research says that the ole six- incher works perfectly well; but the average a.s.s dick seems to be in the ten-inch range. This story deserves a high rating just for its truth in advertising. Although there are a lot of questions unanswered at the end of the story, it's still a pretty good action adventure. (Rating: 9) "Hotsprings" by Delta . The author has promised to repost this story next Monday and Tuesday. I recommend that you download all the parts and enjoy this story. When Delta first started posting this story, I gave it a good review on the basis of the first two chapters and my previous experience with one of her stories. After I did that, I thought maybe I had made a mistake - not because of anything this author did but rather because I had gotten burned by a couple of other stories that started out good but faltered later. I thought maybe it would be better to avoid rating stories until they were finished. Toward the middle chapters of this story, I got even more worried; it was getting just plain silly with all these people wandering around the campsite wearing matching chokers. But in the end, my patience was rewarded. Everything fell into place. It really is a good story. The plot centers around the activities of the workers at a recreational campsite. Kat, the new business manager, is introduced as a beautiful but conniving dominatrix, who seems intent on building herself a sexual empire. Fred is introduced as a good, strong, patient man who doesn't want to play Kat's games. Big Jake is the free-spirited owner who loves his wife but also loves his freedom and lots of other women. He treats his wife, Jennie, and the other females pretty much like objects; but Jennie still loves him. And then there are about four other interesting characters. The author combines a lot of hot sex with an interesting plot (that I don't want to divulge) to make the story really interesting. (If it starts seeming silly, just repeat several times, "Celeste says this is interesting." It will become interesting again. As a matter of fact, if you're not intent on critiquing the story, you might not have this silliness reaction at all.) When I started reviewing a.s.s. stories, I didn't think I would like D&s (domination and submission) stories. I still don't have a driving urge to have my husband submit to torture whenever he disobeys me or fails to satisfy me sexually, but I have to admit that I enjoyed this story - especially the final two chapters, which are practically non- stop hot sex. Notice that I have labeled this story "D&s romance." Originally I thought the two concepts were incompatible; but I was wrong. At least in the world of fiction, they are sometimes compatible. (Rating: 10) "Princess Charming" by TruthHurts (an268488@anon.penet.fi). Here we have a case of torture and rape where the Bitch deserves it. In fact, the rape of the haughty princess in this modern fairy tale is a humanitarian gesture: "Get up. I am going to teach you what it is like to be in another's power. If you survive this lesson, you'll have a bit more sympathy for those whose lives you control." This is a truly clever, well written story. (Rating: 10) "A Great Party" by Red Dragon (redragon@interserv.com). This author has been reposting a huge number of stories, and so I thought I had better check one of them out. In this one, a man and woman get attracted to another couple at a party, and then they all fuck one another's brains out. There's not much of a plot; but there are numerous descriptions of explicit sexual activity, with a heavy emphasis on anal threesomes. This story is interesting from the combined viewpoints of geometry and party tricks. The narrator has a modest 10-incher between his legs which pales in comparison to Dave's 12-incher, which Jill takes completely down the throat while fucking them both over the bathroom toilet. I found the descriptions of sex scenes to be formulistic; that is, the author seemed to be intent on getting in all the obligatory activities and words that a good orgy should have. People who are not as jaded as I am by good sex in their real lives may find these descriptions more exciting than I did. If you're interested in reading about women ramming themselves up and down on guys' thick shafts as hard as they can, while hot sweet juices run from quivering snatches down panting faces, triggering climaxes and the ole cunny tightens its grip on the stud's thrusting cock - there's a lot of that in this story. As I have mentioned in other reviews, my husband and I aren't into swinging; but I still do find it to be fun to fantasize about it. This story was not a big turn-on to me. There's another swinging series called Lovin by the Drifter that I think is a lot sexier and more clearly written. The grammar in this story occasionally gets pretty shoddy and distracting. For example, the author has some sort of aversion to commas running sentences and clauses together like this one. (Wasn't that clever? See - there should be a comma between "commas" and "running," and the author made that mistake a lot I was being ironic by making the same mistake like I'm doing in this sentence its a pain isn't it?) He should refer to Celestial Grammar 1.0, which is posted on a.s.s.d. In short, I hope some of the other stories that I downloaded by this author are more creative and better written. (Rating: 4) "After" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi). A college girl is first shocked and then fascinated by her friend's interest in spanking. By the end of the story she becomes a participant. (Rating: 8) "Afternoon" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi). Three college girls go for a ride on a beautiful afternoon. They pick up a female hitchhiker, who invites them to her cabin and introduces them to her female roommate. Two out of the three change their sexual preferences during the ensuing 24 hours. The other watches, listens, and narrates the story. I found this story to be full of hot sex, although most of it was implied rather than explicit. (Rating: 10) "Airport" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi). It all starts off as an innocent massage that the woman gives to her roommate, who is obviously exhausted at the end of the work day. Just when the reader thinks this is a pretty mild story, events escalate to anal stimulation in a very public place with someone watching. There's not much actual sex in this story, but it's still very stimulating. (Rating: 10) Several of the Deirdre stories are being reposted on a.s.s., and I have managed to acquire copies of all these stories plus advance notice of when they'll be posted. I'll try to post the reviews at a time when you can easily find the stories. Actually, I don't know why anyone would need my reviews. Since Deirdre's stories depend on surprising twists, I really can't tell you much about the plot in my reviews; and her stories are invariably well written. If I were you, I would simply download any story that has her name in the title line. As you may know, I have a theory that Deirdre is the reincarnation of Sherwood Anderson. It has come to my attention that the only people outside Clyde, Ohio, who know about Sherwood Anderson are English teachers. So I'll take a moment to tell you about him. Like Deirdre, Anderson was a prolific short- story writer. {Unlike Deirdre, he was also a novelist and critic.} He is best known for his sensitive portrayals of the lives of small-town midwesterners. {Deidre is best known for her portrayals of people with mild sexual quirks.} In 1919 he achieved fame with "Winesburg, Ohio", a group of interconnected short stories about small-town people whose frustrations and shattered dreams turn them into what he called "grotesques." {Deirdre is too polite to use a term like that.} Anderson's primary focus was the effects of industrialization on the life of the individual. {Deirdre's primary focus is slightly unusual sexual behavior.} His characters were often bizarre; and this aroused the resentment of the citizens of Clyde, who understandably got the feeling he was writing about them. {Deirdre's characters are not exactly run-of-the-mill, church-going, PTA members. It is my understanding that Deirdre is not allowed to visit Clyde, Ohio, except on Halloween.} Anderson strongly and permanently influenced the short story, concentrating on mood and psychological insight rather than on plot. For you foreigners out there, he's sort of an American Chekov. {Deirdre has pursued a similar emphasis and has exerted a similar influence on a.s.s. } Anderson's most famous collections of short stories are The Triumph of the Egg (1921), Horses and Men (1923), and Death in the Woods (1933). Some of his finest writing appears in his autobiographical works: A Story Teller's Story (1924); Tar: A Midwest Childhood (1926); and Sherwood Anderson's Memoirs (1942). His writings influenced Edwin Arlington Robinson, whose poems were popularized in the late 1960's and early 1970's by Simon and Garfunkel (e.g., "Richard Cory" and "A Most Peculiar Man.") In short, Anderson has been reincarnated as Deirdre in the late 20th Century and is writing short stories for a.s.s., focusing on sex rather than industrialization, but retaining his emphasis on moods and psychology rather than explicit events. College students in literature courses who follow this newsgroup should take an offbeat story by Deirdre and begin their term paper thus: "If Sherwood Anderson were alive today, I think he would write about the effects of sex rather than industrialization on the lives of men and women in contemporary society. For example, a typical Sherwood Anderson plot would... {and then summarize in concise but vivid detail your favorite Deirdre story. As you do so, follow the rules of the Little Brown Handbook rather than Celestial Grammar, since you'll want to throw your prof off the track.} If anyone does this, please let me know what happens. Now where else on the 'Net can you get this kind of fascinating information while you're looking for a sexual release? For all you know, this might come up on Jeopardy next week! "Summer Dreams" by Lysander (lysander@vnet.net). I get more than a little annoyed by people who say there are no good stories on a.s.s. The people that call us all sick weirdos I can at least understand and ignore. But no good stories? I'm desperately trying to keep up with all the good stories on this newsgroup. Certainly there are some weak stories here (and some genuine garbage); but I find a.s.s. to be a good source of high quality recreational reading for adults. This set of reviews should provide evidence of that quality. And this story is what pushed me to make my comment. Lysander has written several good stories; but I think this is his best. I have previously enjoyed Lysander for his action stories; but this one is almost poetry. He integrates the narrator's fantasies with his real life in a unique and moving manner. Because the enjoyment arises from the unraveling of the story, I can't tell you much about it. Just take my word for it: if you're interested in romance with healthy doses of sex and genuine human sentiment, this is a really good story for you. And don't be afraid to stop and think after you read this story - and read it again. (Rating: 10) "Batman Forever Part 3" by Roger P Tipe. I reviewed Part 1 of Batman Forever in Celestial Reviews 11. I rated it a 3. This one has moved up to a 5. It would move up higher if the author would simply eliminate the ridiculous number of spelling errors that fill the story. I don't understand why authors do this. Holy spellcheck, Batman! Is it so important to rush a story to print that there's no time to proofread it? There are probably well over a hundred obvious spelling errors (which are really typographical errors) in this story; and they become really annoying. Some authors say, "But my mail program doesn't have a spellcheck!" Neither does mine. So I just compose and proofread on my word processor and then paste it into my mail program. It takes about ten extra seconds, but it saves my readers much more time than that. My other criticism of this story in the past was that the author missed opportunities to tie the story to the actual legend of the Caped Crusader. That's getting better in the current chapter; but I would still like to see some more elements that are associated with Batman - maybe ZAP! or KAPOW! during orgasms. The main problem now is the presence of the distracting spelling errors. (Rating: 5) TIP OF THE WEEK: In each issue of Celestial Reviews I plan to present one of the guidelines from Celestial Grammar, which I have posted on alt sex.stories.d. and which I'll continue to develop and revise from time to time. My theory is that if all of these tips were followed, about 95% of the really distracting errors in a.s.s. stories would be eliminated. I was going to name this part of the column TIP OF THE {something sexual}, but I thought the innuendo might detract from the sober serious business at hand. Here is today's Tip: VERB TENSE. Stick with one tense, unless you have a reason to change. Bad: "I was walking down the street one day. I see a girl who was wearing no bra or panties." Better: "I was walking down the street one day. I saw a girl who was wearing no bra or panties." There are instances when it does make sense to change verb tenses. Just do so on purpose. ANOTHER NOTE: I've been getting requests for more detailed grammar rules! {As Yogi Berra said, "Whoda thunk it?"} Give me a break! I may write Advanced Celestial Grammar some day; but right now I want to focus on these simple rules that can help writers get rid of really distracting errors. If you want good, complete grammar rules, read the Little Brown Handbook - a concise tome with a brown cover published by Little Brown. Who says grammarians don't have a sense of humor!?