Celestial Reviews 16 - September 2, 1995 Note: "Island in Winter" by Erostos (m/m sex) 7 "The Spa" by Sean. 5 "Wilma and Betty" by Ann Douglas (cartoon sex) 6 "Dana" by Dirty Dawg (romance) 6 "Tight Jeans" by Wendy (department store sex) 5 "Ellen" by Dirty Dawg (romance/first time) 10 "Thunder" by DigiDeity (romance/first time) 8 "Sunday Brunch" by Armchair Deviant (hot sex on a lazy morning) 6 "In Your Mouth and Mine" by Tammy Ng (oral sex) 10 "PLA Tiger" by Zhong (rape) 10 "Island in Winter" by Erostos (rwr@external.umass.edu). This is my third story by this author, and I liked the other two better. The actual descriptions of sexual activity in this story are interesting and I would assume erotic to people more into m/m sex than I am. The weakness I saw in this story was in the lack of tension or buildup compared to the author's other stories. Not a bad story - just not up to the standards set by my earlier experiences. (Rating: 7) "The Spa" by Sean (megason@mail.utexas.edu). This author tantalizes me. He keeps coming up with good story lines, but then fails to develop them. In this story a woman takes her friend who is going to get married to a spa where the masseuse serves up massages that are styled upon seafood selections from a menu. (Technical note: A "masseuse" that has an eight-inch cock without strapping it on is properly referred to as a "masseur".) For example, an "octopus" calls for eight fingers nicely inserted in the pussy. She has a very good time. Is my last sentence confusing? Do you know who "she" is? Well, try a whole story where one person is referred to as "she" and the other as "her friend" - except that sometimes her friend is also referred to as "she" - and see if you don't get a lot more confused about who's doing what to whom. Then remove all the apostrophes and 94% of the commas from the story, and see if you don't start to get really annoyed. I don't understand - does this author think it's a mark of distinction or stylistic elegance to deliberately omit all punctuation? Maybe he was abused by a really ugly English teacher - but weren't we all? I guess I sound negative, but I just get frustrated when I see a really creative idea blown really badly. (Rating: 5) "Wilma and Betty: A Flintstone Story" by Ann Douglas (an309642@anon.penet.fi). Aside from the "Yaba Daba Doo" while she was masturbating with the saber tooth tiger tooth, there is little that makes this story an authentically Flintstone parody. It's a tale of two women who find life boring with their husbands and have enjoyable sex with each other instead of their mates. As such, it's not a bad story; but it's not really great either. Missing are Ann Douglas's usual character development and attention to interesting details. (Rating: 6) "Dana" by Dirty Dawg (drambo@primenet.com). The other three stories I reviewed by this author (all in Celestial Reviews 15) received ratings of 10. This one doesn't measure up. The sex is actually hotter, but the context just isn't there. In all four stories we have a man loving a woman from afar, while the woman is seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere. In each case the woman eventually comes to her senses and returns to the man and finds true happiness. In this story, however, the drama and character development that turn a corny story into a good one are missing. There just isn't a good reason to believe that this guy should be so happy about the prospects of his future with this woman. (Rating: 6) "Tight Jeans" by Wendy (an229873@anon.penet.fi). So this young woman goes to buy herself a pair of really tight-fitting jeans. But she forgets to bring along her pair of pliers. (I myself have never had the experience of buying a pair of jeans that was so tight that I needed a pair of pliers to pull them up over my shapely ass. Somehow, elastic has always seemed an easier solution. But I guess this is a reasonable possibility.) So anyhow, the woman asks the saleswoman to come in and act as the surrogate pliers. She obliges and then gets a little carried away and basically starts to rape the woman. The woman decides that having sex with the saleswoman isn't such a bad idea after all, and so they have passionate sex in the dressing room. The descriptions of the sex scenes are well written, but not particularly hot. Am I in a bad mood, are am I on a streak of relatively weak stories? The problem with this story is that it's basically a good ending with no beginning or middle; there's not much reason for having sex in the first place in this story and no tension or buildup at all. (Rating: 5) "Ellen" by Dirty Dawg (drambo@primenet.com). What a relief! For a while there, I thought maybe I was getting too picky. After so many 10's in Celestial Reviews 15, I was on a string of stories that were not bad, but also not really excellent. This one *is* really excellent. The common theme in all of the stories I have read by this author is a person at first under-valuing another person and then falling deeply in love with that person. (I guess some diversity would be good. Nothing in these stories really surprises me, once I know who the author is. If this sounds monotonous, just don't read too many of this author's romantic stories in one week.) In this case, the story is told from the perspective of the woman, who is older and more experienced than the man. The sex in this story is both tender and hot by any standard. However, what I liked best about this story was its intelligent treatment of an adult virgin's initiation into sexual activity. Having participated in such an activity myself, I am sometimes annoyed when a.s.s. authors tend to treat rapists, pedophiles, and enthusiasts of D&s, water sports, and all kinds of other activities as normal and adult virgins as freaks. (Don't flame me. I'm not down on D&s or water sports. Read on!) I do not mean this as criticism of non-virgins. This is not a call to repent! I truly see no harm in fantasizing about and participating in a wide range of sexy activities; and I do not demand that everyone subscribe to my own value system. But I would like to request simple equality for virgins. Not all of us who made it to adulthood as virgins are destined to be permanently less responsive sexually than those who started doing it when they were twelve or thirteen years old (nor, I might add, are we necessarily morally superior). All I am saying is that pre-marital virginity is a viable lifestyle choice and actually a pretty good choice in the modern world; and my husband and I have had the audacity to recommend it for our children. There really can be something beautiful in having one's first sexual experience occur as part of a loving and consensual adult relationship. (Hell, I actually married the guy before we made love! Why should I have to be embarrassed about that? Our relationship has worked out wonderfully.) Why are there no stories at all on a.s.s. about people who wait till they are married to have sex? I'm not demanding that people adopt this practice - just recommending it over some other alternatives. Anyhow, this story does a good job of describing such a first experience - and lots of subsequent "firsts." The sexually experienced woman at first thinks she will control her partner or at least have to teach her inexperienced lover about sex, and he also initially subscribes to this belief; but by the end of the story it becomes obvious that he is bringing as much to this really hot relationship as she is. (Rating: 10) "Thunder" by DigiDeity (digideity@aol.com). This is the story of two young lovers, who have known each other for a long time, but go off to a forest one fine day to explore their bodies and feelings together. A thunderstorm conveniently sets a romantic atmosphere for their sexual initiations. In spite of my protestations in the previous review, I would have *loved* to have experienced sex the first time this way and at this age. Actually, getting naked and fucking in the woods without proper protection or thinking about the consequences would be a dumb idea; but it sure sounds romantic. If I were going to improve this story, I would proofread it to remove obvious grammatical problems and would add just a little more character development to enable us to understand the actions and feelings of these two people a little better. The author wonders if he should write more. I think so. (Rating: 8) "Sunday Brunch" by Armchair Deviant (edselnet@supernet.ab.ca) In a nutshell, the guy wakes up, reads the newspaper, has breakfast, and then goes back and has passionate sex with his wife. (I don't think it specifically says anywhere in this story that these two people are married; but they sure act like they are.) It's really pretty hot sex. But the grammar sucks metaphorically about as much as the protagonists do literally. I don't get it. I can understand why a person would not want to bother with grammar and spelling while writing lurid prose. I can honestly believe that the author may have had more important things on his/her mind. But is it really so important to rush the story to press that there's no time to proofread it? Does the author really think that its aseasy to read asentenCE thats allfuckedup like this one as to read something that looks like the writer gives a damn? Does he just not care that he comes across as illiterate? Does he not realize that it would be polite to follow some simple rules of English expression? Actually, the Armchair Deviant isn't the only author who does this, nor is he the worst. Maybe it's just the beginning of another school year. Sometimes I think that the best way to prevent kids from fucking one another so much and getting pregnant or acquiring socially transmitted diseases would be to make sexual intercourse mandatory - or at least to give them exams on it. Why not? We mandate grammar and give tests on it, and the main effect seems to be that kids avoid grammar completely. I'd better read a Deidre or Tammy Ng story real soon, or I'm going to be a pain in bed tonight. In summary: the story's good, if you're willing to work at reading it. (Rating: 6) "In Your Mouth and Mine" by Tammy Ng (deidreng@aol.com). Never in her wildest, least erotic dreams did Tammy Ng imagine that someday an English teacher would use this story as a means of regaining her faith in human nature. The story takes the form of a letter from Tammy to her somewhat less lascivious (actually, that's not saying much) sister Deidre. It has something to do with voyeurism and oral sex. For some reason my hand wandered while I was reading this story; and I have a vague, residual feeling of recent intense pleasure in my surprisingly moist nether regions. But my main impression of this story is that it was well punctuated. Not perfect, mind you, but well punctuated. As the song says, Tammy is "close enough to perfect for me." Bless you, Tammy! I needed that. (Rating: 10) PLA Tiger by Zhong (an113322@anon.penet.fi). This is not a pleasant or sexy story, but I liked it. The story is presented in the form of a letter from a Chinese soldier (PLA = People's Liberation Army) to his cousin, who apparently lives in America. The letter describes in matter-of-fact manner activities (both sexual and non-sexual) that the soldier considers to be heroic, but which are in fact despicable. Few readers will find the sexual activity to be at all attractive, except those who enjoy routine descriptions of rape. It's an interesting combination of erotica and anti-Communist propaganda. (Rating: 10)