Celestial Reviews 10 - August 9, 1995 - by Celeste Note: It's amazing how time flies. I have now written ten sets of these reviews and have received numerous requests for back issues. I cannot meet all those requests separately, and so I am reposting all ten of these on alt.sex.stories.d. I have also update the FAQ. If anyone has creative suggestions on how to improve these reviews, please let me know. - Celeste "Home Improvement: Hot Tub Hijinks" by Jay-P. (Teen celebrity sex) 8 "Home Improvement: Molly's Muff" by Jay-P. (Adolescent's dream comes true) 8 "Mayberry" by Richard Dale. (Celebrity Sex) 9 "Once You're Rubbed" by Amy (Romance) 8 "Once You're Rubbed by Amy" by Backrub (Romance) 10 "Double Trouble" by Randu (Sex with 9-year olds) 10 "The Orphanage" by Bruce Bramson (Male-male adolescents) 9 "Clubhouse" by Magic Wand (Adolescent boys sex) 8 "Tammy in the Rain" by Tammy Ng (Hot sex letters) 10 "Tales of the Seeding" by Woolstonecraft(Primitive sex rituals) 10 "The Divine Gift" by Woolstonecraft (sex in church!) 10 "Home Improvement: Hot Tub Hijinks" by Jay-P. As I've said before, I enjoy sex stories about fictional celebrities, because they make it possible to actually picture the persons involved, without doing any real harm to anyone. In this story we can picture Randy and Brad Taylor (sons of Tim the Tool Man and his wife Jill) fooling around with their little girlfriends in the hot tub while their parents are away. By knowing something more about the personalities of Randy and Brad from the television series, I was easily able to apply this additional information to the story and enjoy it more. A nice story. (Rating: 8) "Home Improvement: Molly's Muff" by Jay-P. I normally get turned off at the very idea of an older woman seducing a little child; but this one really does sound like a 12-year-old kid's dream. And besides, they wear seat belts when they drive to the hotel. One piece of irony: The woman in the story says that she knew Randy was not really 32 years old (as he claimed on the BBS), because he made spelling mistakes that would get past a spellcheck - like "their" for "there" - but which an older person would notice A few paragraphs later, Randy notes that "her cunt was harrier" - instead of "hairier." You can look that one up in your unabridged Funk & Wagnalls. Now that I've convinced you I have a college education, I'll return to the story. It was well written and enjoyable. They had four orgasms apiece in about 45 minutes. (Rating: 8) "Mayberry" by Richard Dale. Four chapters were posted recently. In the first chapter, Sheriff Andy Taylor makes it in the squad car with his insatiable girlfriend Helen, who is "just about the finest piece of ass this side of Pumpkin Center! It shorely brings a smahl to my face, yes it duz." In later chapters, we can read about other characters from the series engaging in sexual acrobatics. We even discover that Aunt Bea's friend Clara is the town exhibitionist. The sex isn't as hot in these stories as in the Home Improvement series, but I think the author does a more clever job of relating the stories to the original television series. The metaphors even sound like the ones Andy and the gang would have used themselves: "It felt like he shot enough {cum} to fill up a box of night crawlers -- the double-size box of the big juicy kind that Goober sold down to the gas station." However, we never do find out why a nice guy like Andy would name his son Opie. (Rating: 9) "Once You're Rubbed" by Amy. I vaguely remember seeing this story posted in a.s.s. As I recall, I glanced at it, noticed it was unfinished, and decided not to bother to download it. Big mistake! About an hour ago I received via e-mail a copy of this story from Backrub, along with his official notification that he intended to repost "Once You're Rubbed by Amy," which is a follow-up to this story. Big break! So I read this story, and it's excellent. It's basically a slow build-up for a big climax. It does a beautiful job of expressing the magic and insecurity of first meetings, of the beginnings of relationships. I found myself laughing and recalling experiences from my own life. The build-up itself is not devoid of sex; but its sexy in the sense that you just know something is going to happen, because the chemistry is right to begin with and it gets better as the story goes along. The only flaw with this story (and it's a big one) is that it's unfinished. It just plain stops before the climax. But Backrub solved that problem with the next story. (Rating: 8) "Once You're Rubbed by Amy" by Backrub. This story finishes the previous story. In doing so, it retells the entire story from the man's point of view. Since a massage plays a pivotal role in this story, it is a story by Backrub about a backrub! I myself think the present story can stand alone, even if readers have not seen the previous story; but Backrub himself thinks that the two stories should be read together. Backrub also wrote "Across the Catty Corner," a follow-up to Sue's "Catty Corner." I reviewed those two stories in Celestial Reviews 9. I truly believe that the Catty Corner Combination was better than this set, but this is still an excellent, romantic, and sexy story. (Rating: 10). "Double Trouble" by Randu. To understand and enjoy this story, it is important to realize that it is science fiction. If readers don't understand the rules of this imaginary world, the story comes across as sheer nonsense or as advice to do things that are threatening to children. As part of the author's literary style, the rules of this imaginary world are not stated up front; rather they become obvious as the story unfolds.. However, I don't think I am ruining the story by telling you these rules. Here they are. The main characters in this story live in a world where the following changes are made in the laws governing human nature: (1) One twin is able to communicate through mental telepathy, even across great distances. He can tune into other people's brain waves pretty much at will; and they can communicate reciprocally with him, if he wants this to happen. (2) The other twin has extraordinary powers of empathy. He can understand the emotions of other people better than those persons can themselves - but only if he is in their immediate presence. (3) At least one adult authority figure (the narrator of the story) can engage in sexual intimacies with 9-year-old children without any negative side effects whatsoever. In all other respects, their world closely resembles that of Western civilization around the end of the 20th century. Reputable scientists would deny the validity of all three of these premises; but once we assume that they are true in this imaginary world, we have a pretty interesting story. The story is well written. The author writes with an obvious admiration for and understanding of many of the joys of childhood - not just sex with children. The narrator comes across as a mixture of an adult who is still a child and a dysfunctional man who cannot relate to little boys without focusing on the beauty of their tight little asses and longing to have sex with them. In normal society this person would perhaps be dangerous, but in this imaginary world he provides the basis for interesting complications that go well beyond ordinary pedophile stories. These complexities build around the question of how an adult who is attracted to them would interact with a pair of children whose psychic powers have enabled them to achieve an unusual combination of sexual maturity and innocence. I'm sure there are flaws in the logic of this story, just like there are flaws in most good science fiction involving children, including Peter Pan, E.T, and the various time travel movies.; but these flaws occur largely because of the complexity imposed by the three rule changes. It's just plain hard to imagine a world like this - largely because most reasonable people have see legitimate dangers in ordinary pedophile behavior. The third rule requires that we temporarily cancel in our minds one of the main taboos of our society - a taboo that nearly all social scientists would say has a great deal of validity behind it. In other words, to enjoy this story, it is necessary to suspend reality enough to believe this all could really happen and to read the story without automatically asserting that this is the way that children "should" or "should not" grow up in the real world. If you do this, you'll find a good story. If you read it as a "really great tale about how this old guy screwed a couple of children," it's a pretty weak story. (Rating: 10) "The Orphanage" by Bruce Bramson. This story is about sex between adults and children in an orphanage where all the children and adults are males. However, that does not mean that only gay men or pedophiles will enjoy this story. I am neither of the above, but I liked this story. Let me explain. As you may know by now, I believe that sexual works best when it is a way to express love and related romantic feelings. I realize that this isn't always the way sex is used in real life; and I can enjoy stories and movies in which even rape, degradation, or exploitation become part of a plot (just as murder can be part of a good story, although I abhor murder). The type of stories that I find to be unrealistic and annoying are those that defy reality; for example, stories that suggest that women generally like to be raped or degraded sexually or that imply that there is something admirable about men who brutally degrade women (or vice versa). Usually this means that I most thoroughly enjoy (1) descriptions of sexual activity between consenting adults or emerging adolescents and (2) stories in which otherwise unpleasant sexual activity contributes to a worthwhile plot (much the way a murder contributes to the plot of a story in which someone discovers "who done it" or the way ripping a guy's head off contributes to the plot in "Speed," which I saw and enjoyed last night). In addition, in the time that I have been writing these reviews I have discovered that not only can I sometimes tolerate exploitation and degradation - under the right circumstances I can actually enjoy stories with these as their main focus. Specifically, I have found that I can enjoy sexual content that would otherwise be a turn-off if (1) the story is science fiction (where the rules of the author's world define actions and emotions differently than in the real world), (2) the victim in the story is really repulsive and deserves to be mistreated, or (3) the story is well-designed satire. In other words, if degradation or exploitation serves a purpose other than merely promoting itself, then it may contribute to a good story. The present story is extremely well written. I definitely do not get the impression that the author believes that society would function better if more children were put in orphanages that were run the way this one is run. The action flows nicely, and the narrator relates the tale from an interesting viewpoint. From my perspective it shifts from being utterly repulsive to being a good story through the third criterion in the preceding paragraph - it is excellent satire. I don't want to tell you what it satirizes: that would ruin the the story for you. Suffice it to say that the person who sent me this story claimed that it offered a wry social commentary; and I think the author did a good job of it. (Rating: 9) "Clubhouse" by Magic Wand. A bunch of young adolescent boys get together in a clubhouse and look at dirty pictures. They also jerk off, mutually masturbate, and one of the boys gives another a blow job. I honestly cannot tell you how realistic this is, but it sounded plausible. Magic Wand has recently posted eight of these short stories, all with the acronym MWACS (Magic Wand's Anthology of Childhood Sexuality) in the title line. They sound promising. (Rating: 8) "Tammy in the Rain" by Tammy Ng. This is a long letter from Tammy to her sister Deidre, complaining about what an awful time she had cat- sitting for a creature that is variously called psycho-demoncat, Hell Spawn of Azathoth, and chastity cat (because it made any kind of sex life impossible). Sounds boring, doesn't it? Well, I guess I left out the part where Tammy reminisces about the time she and her boyfriend loaned their apartment to a horny couple and then made passionate love themselves as soon as their friends got out the front door. Maybe I also left out the part about them making love against a wall on the roof while the rain poured down on them during a late night thunderstorm, with her screams of sexual ecstasy drowned out by the roaring thunder. Perhaps you had better read the story yourself to see what else I left out while I was fascinated with that damned cat. I'll repeat what I said in CR 9: a lot of readers don't even know of the existence of the Ng Sisters. Please, you Ngs, put your name in the title line somewhere so that your fans can find your writing. This stuff is excellent! (Rating: 10) "Tales of the Seeding" by Woolstonecraft. This is a set of narratives from different perspectives of people who are extremely unsophisticated in their sexual knowledge. We could be dealing with cave dwellers, with people on a remote island not yet conquered by "civilized people," or with aliens whose sexual accoutrements resemble those of humans. What is fascinating is that the descriptions all refer to sex (sometimes in very graphic terms) without ever using either the formal (intercourse, vagina, etc.) or informal (fuck, cunt, etc.) terminology that we normally encounter in such stories. The author does an amazing job - I caught only one mistake, where the author used the word "come" to describe an orgasm. In addition to playing with words, the author does an excellent job of building anticipation and creating a mood of mystery. I loved it. This is a really creative, ingenious story. (Rating: 10) "The Divine Gift" by Woolstonecraft. In this story a sad, neglected bride tells the priest in the confessional that her husband has had oral and anal sex with her, but will not do it properly, so that she can bring forth the children that God desires her to have. The priest locks up the church and solves the problem for her, right there on the alter. This may sound a bit irreverent, but the author does throw in a few good prayers. But, what the hell, we're already dealing with pornography; so what's a little sacrilege? Actually, of course, it is sacrilegious to do what the priest did; but I don't find this kind of story to be religiously offensive. I don't think it's a good idea for a priest to take a woman from the confessional and screw her on the altar, nor do I think it happens very often. On the other hand, I think this makes for a good story. I don't think most priests, ministers, or rabbis act this way; but I think it makes for a good story. (Rating: 8)