To help married couples strengthen and keep the love and happiness which is their right.
Theories are fine ... but it's the practice that will make it reality. It's the practice this book is about. You already know the theories.
CONTENTS
1 LOVEMAKING CAN BE FUN
2 THE "HOW" OF HAVING SEXUAL FUN
3 THE VARIETIES OF SEX FUN AND GAMES
4 SEX FUN AND GAMES AWAY FROM HOME
5 OTHER SEX GAMES PEOPLE PLAY
6 MORE SEX GAMES PEOPLE PLAY
7 LIKE LIFE IN A SEX PIT
8 CREATIVE SEX AND ITS INFINITE VARIETIES
9 THE GAME OF LET'S SUPPOSE WE CHEAT A LITTLE ON EACH OTHER
10 AND NOW IT'S UP TO YOU
Publisher's Note
This sex manual is different. Intentionally different.
It is not a textbook. It is a personal guide.
It is a book equally concerned with emotions as with technique.
It is our belief that sex is best learned from life, from the experiences of others. For this reason this guide contains the actual words of married men and women who have discovered before it was too late that a more varied and complete sexual relationship can improve the general marriage relationship.
That brings us to the "why" of this book. Even in this enlightened era, three out of every four divorces has been caused, directly or indirectly, by sexual difficulties. This appalling statistic could be changed with a little information and small effort on the part of married people.
It is our belief that when properly used, and when both marriage partners agree, the myriad variations of the sex act can help bring couples into an undreamed-of harmony.
We agree with the author of the oriental sex manual, the Amnga Ranga:
The chief reason for the separation between the married couple, and the cause which drives the husband to the embraces of strange women, and the wife to the arms of strange men, is the want of varied pleasures, and the monotony which follows possession ... The husband, by varying the enjoyment of his wife, may live with her as with thirty-two different women, ever varying the enjoyment of her, and rendering satiety impossible.
SEX FUN-AND GAMES shows graphically how married men and women of today vary their enjoyment of each other. We hope other married couples will benefit from this.
-The Editors
FOREWORD
Sean O'Shea's book, Sex Fun and Games, is a work that should not be taken lightly as the title implies because it is an important contribution to the literature of human interpersonal relations. Through the use of real-life case histories from the files of prominent psychologists and marriage counselors, Mr. O'Shea shows how actual people who had been sexually frustrated overcame their problems of sexual incompatibility and achieved mutual sexual satisfaction and harmony by changing their attitudes and practices of intimate relations. Sex Fun and Games reveals to the nonprofessional reader new and different techniques in the art of making love: techniques which were successfully tried and proved by average human beings who formerly had problems which seriously disturbed their marital relationships.
These case history studies are presented in a rather unique manner which makes the text easy to follow and understand. The author has highlighted the problems which caused the incompatibility of the subjects; then he reveals how these typical individuals helped themselves-with the guidance of their consulting psychologists and marriage counselors-to attain new plateaus of sexual harmony, enjoyment, and gratification.
Sexual disharmony is the major reason why so many of today's married couples seek relief in the divorce courts. The cause of this marital conflict, tension, and frustration is directly or indirectly the result of unsatisfactory relations in the conjugal bed. In light of the new scientific studies recently made public by Kinsey, Masters, and others, the informed married couple of today no longer needs to consider marital relations as a taboo subject to be whispered about in the dark. Mr. O'Shea's work adds new light and insight.
Misinformation, inhibition and boredom are the three main reasons why couples fail to derive harmonious benefit in their marital relationships. When mature individuals do not achieve adequate gratification for their normal instinctive drives, conflicts arise which are detrimental to their well being.
Those within the familial environment, whether they be spouse or sibling, offspring, directly and indirectly suffer emotionally as a result of this disharmony. Individuals who are denied full sexual expression react adversely. If the denial is prolonged and becomes insufferable the human psyche will suffer, often irreparably when starved for affection, love, appreciation, and sexual gratification. The basic sexual instinct is the elan vital of human life-just as surely as hunger and thirst are necessary to human survival.
When one or both partners remain married and fail to achieve the full measure of sexual pleasure they also fail to live a normal well balanced happy life. A full balanced diet of love creates a happy outlook on life and better enables individuals to cope with the difficulties and conflicts normally found in everyday life. Just as a healthy individual is immune to many diseases because he has a healthy body so is a person immune to emotional and sometimes mental illness because he has a healthy view of sexual relations-free of guilt-ridden misconceptions, superstitious and erroneous beliefs.
With every marriage prerequisite is mutual love and respect. When either or both partners are able to be, and able to remain lovers, their marriages have a far better chance of survival because every facet of the relationship is mutually gratifying, and this in turn strengthens the bonds of matrimony.
Even among people who love each other and are basically compatible, ignorance of the variety of sexual techniques may lead to frustrations and conflicts which would in turn create incompatibility and disharmony in a basically sound marriage. When couples are truly happy together and when they derive the epitome of pleasurable satisfaction their joys are so great that infidelity, casual flirtations, and general dissatisfactions no longer wreak havoc with the security of their love relationship. The couple who enjoy a well balanced sex life also enjoy the cake and bread of life.
The emotional values of pleasure are important to the psyche and the well being of every human individual. Sexual relationships are a vital part of the psyche, a fact which cannot be ignored or denied. Hence, when the average married couple is able to achieve maximum pleasure in their mutual sex relationships, and to sustain that enjoyment and satisfaction well into old age, the basic values of life are enhanced because the reward of sex and love is the greatest treasure of all. Through the premise that pleasure is a basic psychological need and not an indulgence, Sex Fun and Games explores the vicissitudes of erotic love in such a way that it may rightfully be termed a handbook of ultramodern sex techniques for husbands and wives.
Undoubtedly Mr. O'Shea's book is an important contribution to the layman's understanding of sexual incompatibility and its causes. With succinct frankness he reveals how to achieve sex happiness in marriage ... a happiness that is never found by chance-it must be created.
-Curtis L. Roche, Ph.D.
"The pleasure of love is in loving. We are happier in the passion we feel than in what we excite."
-LaRochefoucauld, Maxims Introduction
If you are convinced that sex is forbidden and should not be enjoyed, and if you are determined that nothing will change your mind or your belief, then stop reading this book now. On the other hand, if you do believe that something is lacking in your love life, and if you have had unreasonably inhibited ideas or fixations about your sexual needs, and you felt guilty about these urges, and you sometimes worry unduly about finding happiness with your sex partner in life, then this book may very well enhance your understanding of what may be your legacy in the adult love life, and what you too may expect to enjoy.
This book is about the sex fun and games enjoyed by others. It shows how real people who have overcome their inhibitions now Jive life at its fullest-the way it was meant to be lived. These true narratives have been excerpted from actual case histories in the files of psychologists and marriage counselors. Although the facts are exactly as they were related to the auditors, the names and identifying features in each history has been altered to protect the identities of the subjects.
Workers who have undertaken studies of the problems of sexual relations are in agreement that an active and vigorous sex life greatly enhances the psychological well-being of both partners and as well prolongs health and life in general. When sexual relations are indulged frequently, and in a variety of postures and techniques, the sex appetite is kept whetted and boredom and monotony does not alienate the affections of marital partners. The cliche, "Variety is the spice of life," has more than just a little truth and wisdom in its meaning.
Sex fun and games are the various techniques and amusements which enhance the sex lives of ordinary people. But first, before entering into the text, it is important that the Freudian concept be briefly reviewed.
When Sigmund Freud pioneered the theory that man's behavior is governed by the Id, the Ego, and the Superego, psychologists and others failed to make clear that Dr. Freud's terminology was, in reality, an abbreviated one which stood for man's instinctual drive [the Id,] man's emotional drive [the Ego] and man's conscience or intellect [the Superego]. In other words, man's instinct is more than just a reproductive biological urge: it is the driving force that propels him through life. Man's emotional drive, which the word Ego stands for, is that which demands gratification, love, affection, and appreciation. When man's Id or instinctual drive is strong and he seeks sexual gratification, the superego comes into play and governs his behavior. The superego keeps him from running amok. It also provides him with guilt feelings. When he goes too long without sexual relief, and when he feels frustrated, if he has acquired nonsensical beliefs that sex is "sinful, dirty, etc." he suffers from emotional conflicts. Another of Freuds terms, the libido, is often used to describe man's sex urge. When Freud coined the word, he linked the prefix lib, which is from the Middle Low German, a medical term lubben, which means to castrate, to the other word he coined, the Id; then he added the "o" from Ego and formed a mnemonic word which signified the mental castration of the instinctual drive. In other words, Freud tried to show us that man's natural instincts were in conflict with those desexualized mores which society attempts to inflict upon us.
Originally, these tenets of sexual inhibiting behavior which were imposed upon society had good reason for being. The idea was to suppress illegitimacy, promiscuity, and venereal disease. For centuries these social restrictions worked successfully in some small degree, but mankind, impelled by thwarted frustrations, vented its feelings in warfare and other antisocial behavior. Today, however, with the miracle drugs, the pill, and new social freedoms, the old puritanical restrictions no longer have any reason for being. Man and woman no longer have need of the medieval antisexual taboos which restricted the sexual behavior of past generations. Instead, what is needed is new understanding of the pleasures and joys of sexual congress.
However, even in these new days of enlightenment, there remains many husbands and wives who suffer from Victorian concepts.
A young bride, troubled with problems of sexual disharmony, had this to say to a psychiatrist when she visited his office for the first time: "Doctor, how can I possibly enjoy sex with my husband when he makes it seem so lewd and sordid? If it were up to him I would be in bed morning, noon and night. Sex is all he seems to think about. When I do surrender to his demands, despite the fact that I'm often not in the mood and cannot respond passionately, he calls me a frigid puritan. And sometimes when I occasionally do happen to enjoy sex with him, and I have an orgasm, I feel like a cheap prostitute afterward. Then I loathe myself for having behaved like a wild animal instead of a civilized human being. Frankly, I'm very upset about sex and the way my marriage is going and I'm worried about it. It seems to me that most of my life all I've ever done was fight off boys and men-and now that I'm married, is this to continue? Am I to spend the rest of my life quarreling about sex and resisting my husband? How can I make him understand that sex is the least important thing in life? How can I tell him that it's against my principles to be lustful, wanton, sinful and carnal? How can I make him understand that relations between husband and wife ought to be taken seriously?"
This young woman, like so many other adults of today, is a victim of home-, school-, and church-inspired puritanism. She is haunted by guilt feelings and foolish misconceptions about what is right and what is wrong about sex relations. She is a victim of ignorance and erroneous teachings which have not only impugned her natural sex rights, but as well caused her to reject and to repress her natural instinctual urges. The fact that genital contact between herself and her husband is necessary, not only for procreation, but for the psychological well-being of their personal lives and their marriage, is not recognized by this woman. She had incorrectly learned since childhood that sex is "evil, sinful, wrong, and/or dirty." She cannot unlearn these grievous falsehoods. The moralists and anti-sexualists contend that since sexual congress is common to all mammalian species, and man is civilized and "above" sheer animalism, therefore sex relations and all reference to the human genitalia should be denied, censored, and forbidden. This woman, like so many other young [and not so young] adults of today believes that it is unchristian and perverse to admit the presence of the human sex drive. Unfortunately, she will learn too late, if at all, that it is perverse to deny oneself the pleasures of the flesh with a loved one. She has been perverted by an entirely illogical and scientifically unfounded small-townish morality which is rife with superstition and folklore that actually accomplishes nothing else but the formation of psychologically crippling inhibitions. Nothing can be more injurious to the human psyche than such unfounded, misguided beliefs which prevent perfectly normal people from living normal [and natural] lives.
The erroneous beliefs or opinions voiced by this young bride of five months is typical of those voiced by other young women, and frequently, men also. They fail to learn that nothing between man and wife is lewd or sordid and that frequent sexual relations are anything but harmful. Moreover, when there is conflict between marriage partners concerning frequent of relations, an air of hostility often prevails that seriously affects the other facets of married life. The wife thinks of herself as "surrendering" to her husband's "demands" instead of thinking of the love act as something which should not be surrendered to, but which should be shared and enjoyed as an act of mutual gratification, pleasure, and satisfaction. The husband, on the other hand, is often unable to cope with the frustration of being rejected by his wife. He cannot abide by the idea that he is "oversexed" and his wife is unable to gratify him because she is "undersexed" or just doesn't "feel in the mood." Instead of being sated, he is continually in a state of turmoil, and hence, his sex needs are frustrated. Given the opportunity to gratify their needs, such virile men adjust almost overnight to the satisfaction and delight of their wives-wives who are wise and loving enough to find satisfaction in matching their own desires to those of their husbands-wives who have managed to overcome the unfounded erroneous ideas about sex in general which a bigoted society has inflicted upon them.
When contemporary men and women admit the truth about human nature, they are less apt to reject the fact that homo sapiens is animalistic; subsequently, they are able to say to themselves, "What's so terrible about acting like animals once in awhile?" This attitude is certainly not harmful. In fact it provides a measure of relief and makes it possible for those who are tied in emotional knots to loosen up and untie those knots in an outburst of emotional release ... release with a loved one in the throes of orgasm.
Sexual compatibility is as important to married life as is food and shelter, for it provides the psyche with the food of love and affection as well as the "shelter" of emotional gratification. Rejection is a terrible thing for a human being to suffer, and thoughtless rejection of affection and denial of sexual congress is more damaging to the psyche of man or woman than perhaps any other kind of mental or emotional torment. When a married couple goes through life inhibited by "principles which restrict the freedom of sexual expression" the chances are not only that they are foolishly denying themselves the pleasure of sex life, but they are as well alienating themselves from each other. Little drops of water erode the great rocks-and so do little cruelties and denials erode the bonds of marriage. When individuals blindly obey nonsensical and unfounded "rules" which purportedly govern sexual behavior, or restrict it in part or largely, they are foolishly disrupting their own lives as well as the lives of their mates. When a married man or woman has had enough of the love-starved life with an inhibited partner who refuses to wake up and live, either a desexualized life of frustration is followed or else love is sought elsewhere, outside the covenant of marriage.
Disharmony in sexual relations between marriage partners leads to the eventual breakdown of all relations between the same partners. One in four marriages today ends in divorce. Is there any wonder?
"As love knoweth no laws, so it regardeth no conditions."
-Lyly, Euphues
CHAPTER ONE
LOVEMAKING CAN BE FUN
The erroneous beliefs and unrealistic altruistic attitudes toward marital relations held by Marsha K. during the first eighteen months of her marriage to Perry K. drove him into the arms of the first woman who came along. Frustrated in his sex relationship with Marsha, young Perry continued his affair until Marsha grew suspicious and caught him and his mistress. The couple then took steps to seek divorce. The attorney recommended they see a marriage counselor before legal proceedings were filed.
Perry and Marsha consulted a husband-wife psychologist team. They learned that they both had been in the wrong in their sexual approach to marriage. Because of the new insight they had gained due to the counseling they were able to "kiss and forgive" each other. They benefited from the almost disastrous experience in that they learned many things from it concerning their sexual responsibilities toward each other.
When this couple discovered that lovemaking can be fun and can be mutually enjoyable, their marriage was saved. If it had not been for their newly discovered attitudes toward marital relations they would have divorced. The bitterness left from this marriage would undoubtedly have damaged their personalities, at least temporarily, and possibly permanently.
CASE 18 Mr. & Mrs. K.
Perry K., age 31. Marsha K., age 33.
Perry's Statement:
Today, after ten years of marriage, I guess you can say we've got a happy and compatible life together; but it wasn't always this way between Marsha and myself. At the outset of our marriage we had trouble between ourselves sexually. Aside from this everything was just fine. We got along well. We had fun together. We enjoyed the same theatres, the same friends, and the same sort of things-except sex. There we were as far apart as two people can get. Sex wasn't fun. It wasn't even enjoyable. In fact, it was the source of all of our differences and later, the quarrels between us.
The problem was that Marsha didn't enjoy relations. She had been a virgin when we were married, and though she had professed to know a lot about sexual matters, and sometimes when we were going together, seemed to be of a passionate nature, everything changed when we got married after a courtship of one year. The first night we spent together. Marsha let me undress her and hold her in my arms. But she didn't respond. She laid there like a dressmaker's dummy and was tense and rigid. Maybe it was my fault for being anxious, but on the other hand, some of it was her fault. She "surrendered" to me "dutifully" and didn't complain when I ruptured her hymen. In fact, she didn't even move. I was gentle with her and I tried to kiss her and caress her, but she didn't respond to me at all. To tell the truth I was greatly disappointed because she was so cold in bed.
Ever since I was sixteen I had known the score as far as having sex with girls was concerned. I had had a lot of girls and one or two of them were first with me too; but I never once had one of them respond so icily as did my wife that wedding night, and the months afterward. I tried to approach her gently, to make love to her in such a way that she would feel loved and protected, but it didn't seem to work. She said she tried to respond to me, but she couldn't. She found intercourse to be distasteful and unpleasant. She said it hurt her too, but only a little and then when she was not properly lubricated.
For the life of me I tried to figure out what was wrong with Marsha. But the more I tried to analyze her problem, the more confused I became. I had majored in psychology in college and I knew something about this sort of thing, and I suppose that was part of my mistake at first-trying to analyze my own wife. I think Marsha was aware of this and that was another reason why I had such a time getting through to her. She felt that I was always scrutinizing her under a microscope and a couple of times she came right out and told me so. I begged her to see a psychiatrist, but she wouldn't hear of it. She was working as a school teacher at the time, during that first year we were married, and she was appalled at the idea that I'd even suggest such a thing. She was adamant in her belief that she would "learn to enjoy" sex relations if I would only be patient with her and give her more "time." Frankly, I was pretty upset about it all. My sex needs were constantly unsatisfied. I felt sexy all the time and a lot of times I made overtures to her when I knew the timing was wrong and even when she had her period. That seemed to alienate her more than ever and it got so that she accused me of being a "sex fiend" or something to that effect.
I was lucky if I managed to talk her into letting me have intercourse with her three times a week. Once or twice was usual, and three times-that was something special. She would lay there and not move and as soon as I finished, she would get up and lock herself in the bathroom. There she would sometimes cry for hours and would only come out after I threatened to break down the door. Every time I tried to discuss sex with her rationally, she would blush and avoid the subject as if it humiliated her just to speak of it. I couldn't understand this change in her. Before we were married we often discussed sexual matters and she seemed worldly wise and rather well informed on orgasm and child bearing and topics like that. But after we were married, it was a subject to be avoided.
Finally, after eighteen months of this sort of thing, I decided that enough was enough. Either she loosened up and came across when I needed and wanted her, or else I was going to get it someplace else. I gave her my ultimatum and she sat up in bed, looked at me and smiled in that sweet way of hers, "Dear, if that's what you want, then by all means do so. Don't let me stand in your way. I'm not that kind of woman."
This reaction set me back on my heels. Frankly, I was absolutely dumfounded at what she had just said. Though I couldn't put my finger on it, I felt terribly rejected and unable to feel satisfied at all-even when she did relent and give me a time in bed. I didn't know until much later that each time she responded to me so coldly, or rather, didn't respond, it was tantamount to a rejection and a denial of love. This played hell on my nerves and I became irritable and cross and un-happy in my work.
Marsha felt that I was the one who needed to see a psychiatrist since I was the one who was always in need of sex relations and she wasn't. We had it out one day and she told me on no uncertain terms that I had to be sick because all I thought about and talked about was sex. I tried to tell her that if she satisfied me, if she would only try to get with it, that maybe then I would not have to bother her so much; but that didn't work either. She laughed and told me that if she did, I'd have her in bed every morning and every night and all day long on weekends and holidays. I laughed and told her that even Don Juan didn't make love that often and she looked at me accusingly and refused to discuss it any further.
Around this time I got a new job with a big insurance company and I had a lot of single women who were prospective clients. Just for the hell of it I often spoke about the women I called upon in their apartments, just to see if Marsha would show signs of jealousy. When she didn't, I couldn't believe it. She didn't care, I thought. And since she didn't care, did this mean that she also didn't care if I had relations with other girls? Did this mean that she didn't love me enough to care? These thoughts were very unsettling and I was beside myself for lack of knowing what to do. I was tempted to go to a psychiatrist myself, just to find out if I were sex crazy or if there were something the matter with her. I didn't get around to it though, and forgot about the idea when I met a beautiful brunette named Yvonne who bought an insurance policy from me. Yvonne and I hit it off at once. She was a divorcee who had been married for three years to a man old enough to be her father. She divorced him because he had been unable to satisfy her sexually-and because he gave her a huge financial settlement.
With Yvonne, sex was a delight that I had never dreamed was possible. She was as way out as they come and we did everything imaginable. She just wanted sex and sex was what I gave her. I guess I made up for lost time for it had been some three years since I had been with any other woman except Marsha. At first I felt guilty about cheating on Marsha, but after awhile I got used to the idea and since Marsha never asked me where I was when I was with Yvonne, and since I didn't have to make sexual demands of her, it became a way of life with me. I didn't enjoy the subterfuge and the sneaking around we had to do whenever Yvonne wanted me to take her out to dinner or to a show someplace, but I got by simply by keeping the excuse handy that I was "entertaining" an insurance prospect.
One day the bubble of joy burst all around me like sticky chewing gum exploding in your mouth. I had bought a birthday gift for Yvonne, a charm bracelet which I had engraved with her initials, and hid it in the trunk of my car. As luck would have it, Marsha had to go shopping and she borrowed the car and when she had a flat, she found the ribbon-wrapped gift in the trunk. She didn't say anything even though she had carefully opened the package and examined it and saw that the initials weren't inscribed to her. She played it cool. She followed me that night across town to where Yvonne lived. She waited outside Yvonne's apartment for a while [she found out which apartment in the building Yvonne lived simply by matching up the initials with the nameplates on the buzzers] and she went up and rang the doorbell. It was ten o'clock. Yvonne and I were in bed nude. I stayed in bed while Yvonne threw on a wrap and went to the door. Marsha barged in, pushed her way past Yvonne and ran into the bedroom. She saw me in Yvonne's bed, turned around and ran out. I naturally panicked. Much to Yvonne's chagrin I left her and ran after my wife. As I hurried out after dressing as fast as I could, Yvonne gave me my ultimatum. If I went after Marsha I needn't bother to return.
The confrontation with Marsha at home was agonizing for both of us. She wanted a divorce. She didn't want me to touch her again. For the first time in our married life she showed that she cared enough about me and our marriage to be emotional about it. I wanted to know if she was upset because she really cared about me, or if it was because her vanity or her ego was hurt. She went into hysterics. The next day we went to see the family lawyer. He listened to both sides of the story and said flatly that before he instituted divorce proceedings, he would insist that the both of us visit a marriage counselor. I agreed to this and after a long hesitation, Marsha did likewise.
I guess by pouring out our troubles to the husband-wife psychologist team to whom we went, we accomplished some good. I realized that I had been to blame somewhat for what had come to pass; and I learned later that Marsha also admitted that she had been childish in her treatment of me and in her approach to our sexual differences.
About a week later, after we had been living under the most adversely hostile conditions, Marsha came into the spare bedroom where I had moved my things and had been sleeping, and sat upon the edge of the bed and burst into tears. I took her in my arms and kissed her and she sobbed her heart out. Finally, she lay down beside me and asked me if I loved her. I told her I loved her with all my heart and she said she loved me too. Then she began to kiss me and caress me in a way she had not done since before our marriage. My heart exploded with happiness. I took her eagerly and hungrily. We made love half-dressed and Marsha had an orgasm. She wept profusely afterward, and then we lay abed together in the dark in each other's arms. She began to ask me all sorts of questions.
"Did she satisfy you as well as I just did?"
"No, sweetheart," I whispered. "You were better. I love you."
"What else did she do?"
"Everything I wanted you to do, but you couldn't-or wouldn't."
"Tell me. I want to know everything. I do so want to love you and I want you to love me."
That was the beginning of Marsha's change. She admitted she had been wrong and though she didn't explain why she had been so frigid and aloof, she made up for lost time. I had seen the psychologist three times. He told me to go home and be patient and before long Marsha would come round. After she had a dozen sessions with the woman psychologist over the next six months it was no longer necessary for her to go there again. Marsha had made a satisfactory adjustment. Although she never admitted it, I think the shock of finding me in another woman's bed did it. She woke up as a result and soon realized that lovemaking can be fun when you love somebody enough to want to have fun with them. Ever since that time Marsha and I have been sublimely happy. With us, sex has become a game that both of us enjoy thoroughly. She delights in pleasing me and I do likewise because I wouldn't have it any other way-half the fun in sex is bringing happiness to the one you love and nothing thrills me more than when I can induce Marsha into having one orgasm after another. It seems that the older we get, the better our relations become. Since that time, I've never once cheated again on my wife, though I have had the opportunity to do so many, many times. The truth is, I don't want to. My wife is all I can take care of. I have no desire to make love to any other woman because no other woman can match her.
Marsha's Statement:
There, but for the grace of God-and another woman-go I. I say that to myself whenever I see an unhappily married woman, or a woman who is divorced. I would have been divorced too, if it had not been for the wise counsel and marital advice given to me by a psychologist at a crucial time in my life.
Actually, when I got married to Perry, I thought I was sophisticated and that I knew all there was to know about sex relations in marriage.
But from our wedding night on, I realized that I was pretty stupid and far from being sophisticated.
I learned a lot about myself during those visits to the psychologist. Luckily, my only problem was ingrown in my past when I was a child. My parents were religious neurotics. They brought up me and my two sisters and brother in an atmosphere of strictness that was fraught with guilt-creating situations. For one thing, both my mother and my father were "god-fearing Christians." Every time one of us kids did anything untoward, we were severely punished and made to feel that we would be punished by burning throughout eternity in the hell fires of the hereafter. I remember one time when I was publicly spanked by my mother when I asked the pastor, "If God is so good, and so all-powerful, why do we have to be afraid of him? Surely anyone who is good and kind doesn't want the people to be afraid of him or to fear him, do they?" The pastor turned purple in the face and he looked at my parents accusingly, as if I had been saying something that they had told me. I was about ten years old at the time. But right then, during that Sunday School session, my mother got up and spanked me soundly with a prayer book. Everybody looked at me and later the kids jeered me and for months afterward they taunted me.
I got a lot of strange ideas about sex, too. I learned that curse words and mention of the sex act and the genitalia was "sinful" and when you thought about it, that meant you had a "dirty mind." Later, when I went away to teacher's college, I realized that a lot-most of the things I had learned were erroneous and false. Still, when I entered into marriage with the man I loved, I somehow had these guilts deep inside my unconscious which I couldn't erase. I felt excited and passionate, and every time I felt myself enjoying relations with Perry, something would happen inside me that would choke me up and make me feel like a harlot. I felt I was sinfully lusting after my own husband. There was a kind of sanctity about our marriage which affected me deeply. I suppose it was being married in church and with the religious sermon we got before we were pronounced man and wife that really put the fear of God into my soul again, and that was what had caused me to reject Perry. Though I tried to respond to him, somehow with it all, I just couldn't. I had learned since girlhood that a girl must preserve-at all costs-her virginity. And preserve my virginity I did! I think I might have been able to let myself go if I would've been thinking about conceiving a child; but because Perry and I had discussed the matter quite carefully long before the marriage and because we had decided to forego having children until we had a home of our own, there was also the fear in my mind of becoming pregnant. Way back in my unconscious I remembered that stupid teaching that it was lustful and sinful to have sexual intercourse for any other reason other than for procreation. My sex relations were such that I couldn't let myself go. I would surrender to Perry only after I had a terrible struggle within myself. And even though I tried, I couldn't relax and let myself enjoy it because, to do so would be tantamount to being evil and sinful and lustful. I would be behaving like a harlot.
Since I was so occupied with my own thoughts, and my own mental set, I didn't for the life of me believe for one moment that Perry would have been capable of chasing around with other worn en. I was naive in that I believed he was incapable of doing anything which I was also incapable of doing. And since being untrue to him with another man was positively unthinkable-and disgusting to me, I could not imagine him doing such a thing with another woman. But that day when I found the gift for that woman in the trunk of Perry's car, that was the day I was in for a rude awakening. I think it was just the shock I needed. I could hardly blame Perry for what he did. I followed him with my heart about to burst with fear. I put two and two together from the initials Y.L.W. and found the apartment number and went up. When I saw her answer the door-and with her hair mussed and her face all flushed, I stared at her and thought that it was my husband-my Perry-who had done that to her. I couldn't speak. I could only follow my instinct. I ran in and saw him in her bed and I almost jumped out of the window right then to kill myself, or to get away from there as fast as I could. Everything was a hideous nightmare-a blur.
After that, when Perry begged me to forgive him, I couldn't come round. We went to see the lawyer and thank God he suggested that we see the psychologist. That was what saved us. I had spent the better part of two hours that day with the psychologist when I realized finally that it was up to me to forgive Perry. I realized why I had denied him my love. When I had brought everything out in the open, the rationale didn't make sense and it seemed inane and foolish that I should throw away my life and wreck our marriage because of some childish superstitions I had never paused long enough to think over and reject from my consciousness. So I went into the guest room where I had moved Perry, and I made love to him. Suddenly I wanted to know everything that he and that woman had done together. I listened to every detail of what they did and I remembered and made up my mind to outperform her in every respect. Sure, it was painful to hear all that, but I hoped I had learned my lesson, and that I was adult enough and mature enough to face the truth and learn something for a change. I suppose I grew too used to Perry, and rather took him too much for granted to give him credit for knowing a little more than I did about sex. I made it my business to find out what that woman had that I hadn't given my husband. Ever since then, whenever I hear of some new trick of seduction, or lovemaking, I try it on Perry. And let me say this, too-there isn't a thing I'm not willing to do for him. As long as two people love each other, and they have each other's interests at heart, their sex relations can be the most important joyful thing in their lives-especially when they work at having fun out of life-and togetherness.
The discovery that sex relations can be the most vital part of marriage undoubtedly has contributed largely to the salvation of this marriage which might otherwise have ended in the divorce courts.
The antithesis to the case histories of Mr. and Mrs. K. is in the following illustrative case of a couple who admittedly "did a lot of serious soul searching at the time of their marriage."
Mr. and Mrs. B. made an effort to understand something about their personal sex needs and desires, then worked out their problems together in a mature adult fashion. Their philosophy of deriving fun and happiness out of their conjugal relationship has resulted in a harmonious marriage which is secure and free of conflict and frustration.
After thirteen years of marriage neither partner is bored or dissatisfied. Novelty and enjoyment in their intimate relations is the keynote of the success of their union.
CASE 21 Mr. & Mrs. B.
Donald B., age 43. Anita B., age 37.
Donald's Statement:
Anita and I were always happy together, largely because we both did a lot of serious soul searching at the time we were married. First, we had to understand something about each other's personal sex needs and desires. Because I had been married before, Anita came to look upon me as her instructor. I was thirty at the time we were married and she was twenty-four and rather inexperienced and naive. She had been engaged once before meeting me and it was to that man that she first submitted sexually. It wasn't a satisfactory experience and after several disappointing rendezvous the man left her high and dry. She was pretty broken up about this and for a long while afterward she avoided men like the plague. She was working in a bank when I first met her and she refused to date me for a long time until I finally got through to her. We hit it off slowly at first, and then while we were going together, it happened. Neither of us could resist the other and from that moment on we clicked. She was pleased because she discovered-in my bed and in my arms-that sexual relations could be wonderful-the most thrilling experience in the world. Moreover, we seemed to fit together well in all things and it just seemed only right that the two of us got married. It was the natural thing to do, I suppose.
Anita admitted to me that she was afraid of sex, that her first experiences had been disappointing and sometimes were even a little painful, but she had overcome this fear when we made love because she could trust me and could depend upon me to see to her comfort and ease and to see that she too was adequately satisfied. She had her first orgasm with me the first time we slept together and it was so powerful and overwhelming that she fainted. It scared her too, and I explained to her that she had nothing to worry about. She overcame her initial fears in a couple of months and everything was okay, except that occasionally she worried about whether or not we were doing it too much and whether or not it would dissipate us and perhaps even weaken my sperm and her ova and make it impossible to have children. I dispelled those fears, which took quite some doing because she had many illogical ideas and misinformation about sex which she had learned from her parents and from the kids in the street where she had grown up. I laughed about her fears, but I had sense enough to know they were very real to her.
My training and background in social work had given me some insight into her psychological makeup and I guess I had a sort of sixth sense for knowing when something was bothering her. I could tell sometimes just by looking at the expression on her face that she had guilts or fears about something we were doing. She really needed confidence and some understanding of what it really was like to give yourself wholly to your husband. She read a lot of sex manuals and this helped; but, not nearly as much as her own trust and confidence in me. She has been a great wife and mother, and even though we have four children now, she has never ceased being a "fun-loving lover" to me. She is always full of surprises.
I'm in public relations now and the job is something that gets me down; but you know, Anita always seems to know what to do when I'm down in the dumps. When I come home and have my supper and perhaps watch a little TV or read for awhile, she will regularly walk into the living room to summon me to bed, wearing, of all things, one of those crazy see-through pajama outfits, or something else even more daring. Anita uses her talent with a sewing machine to help her improve her techniques of seducing me. She makes the sexiest outfits just to tease and use to have fun seducing me.
I would never trade her for any other woman on earth-she's the greatest. I know when I'm married happily and I intend to stay that way. My first wife was a frigid sourpuss who was never much fun to go to bed with. In fact, we never had fun at anything. She was always cynical and rarely laughed or smiled. It can play hell on a man's nerves when he's married to someone like that. I suppose I'm one of the lucky ones-to have a wife like Anita. As the years go by my sexual desire for her is just as strong as ever because she makes me feel sexy and she often takes the initiative in seducing me.
Anita's Statement:
Don and I are happily married because I never allow the routine of everyday living to become dull and boring and humdrum. Neither does Don let boredom set in, either. He's the most consider ate and thoughtful man alive and there isn't enough he can do for me. I reciprocate by thinking up all kinds of way out ways to seduce him. Actually, when we were first married, I was very afraid of not being able to please him sexually. He had been married before for two years and had divorced his first wife because she was a cold and unresponsive woman. I suppose that was why I made up my mind early that I would always be warm and affectionate toward him and that I would respond to his sexual advances with eagerness and desire.
At first I had to force myself to be passionate and to make love to him as much as he wanted. I even pretended that I was passionate sometimes because I didn't want him to think that I wasn't sexy. After awhile I found that I could get sexy just by thinking about it, and thinking up new ways to seduce him or new suggestions concerning how we might make love. One day a girl friend of mine loaned me a stack of pornographic photographs her husband had acquired from a fellow he knew. I looked at the pictures and got very excited. There were a lot of new positions I had never dreamed of trying and they were very exciting to look at.
For one thing I never realized that coitus was possible in positions other than the man superior or woman superior positions. Some of the pictures showed couples making love on their sides facing each other and there were others depicting the woman on her knees, kneeling with her head down as the man entered her backward. We had never tried any of these before and I naively thought they were impossible.
I showed the pictures to Don and laughingly suggested that we ought to try some of the positions. I laughed because I wanted to have a chance to say I was only kidding if it offended or shocked him. But he wasn't offended. In fact, he said he was afraid to mention them to me for fear that I would be offended. We laughed at each other because we had been so reticent or whatever you call it. It was a very thrilling experience for both of us and it renewed our excitement a great deal. We even found that both of our interests in sex became more intense when we began to vary our love making techniques. It's a shame they call such pictures pornographic and consider them to be "illegal." I learned a great deal from them and they were very important to us because it helped breech a gap between Don and I that I eventually realized had been increasing. The pictures helped bring us closer together in our intimate relationship and we often get them from our friends mainly to learn what we can about improving our sex techniques. A picture is worth ten thousand words and undoubtedly those pictures were worth immeasurably more than that to us in our personal relationship.
After we were married about two years, we tapered off to doing it every other day instead of every night. I got better when we waited like that and we had longer sessions. Sometimes we locked ourselves in the bedroom right after supper and had sex for two and three hours straight. Don is pleased when I come out wearing a lace bra and panties which he can see through. He goes wild whenever I put on my G-string and little bra which I also have. He can be sitting in his chair watching TV and as soon as he sees me walk into the living room with my face all made up with eye shadow and loads of sexy makeup, and my body enticingly revealed, he switches off the TV and starts chasing me. It's a great game with us and for that reason, I suppose the rest of the business of marriage is also enjoyable.
I have learned that no matter how serious our financial difficulties may be, or how worried we are about certain things, the lovemaking always eases our minds and makes us both happier. When I hear other married women talking about their unhappy sex lives, I smile to myself and I know that it's usually their own fault. I only have to think of how swell my husband treats me, and how loving and affectionate he is, in order to get in the mood to make love to him. Then, when I think about some new way we can do it, probably in some way out position or something like that, I can't wait until after supper when the kids are put to bed when I will be alone with him.
Sometimes I'll dream up a position when I'm doing my household chores. Once I was crawling over the sofa and cleaning behind it when I got this wild idea to have him lay down on his back on the sofa while I knelt over him backward, resting my arms on the armrest. We tried it that night and it was marvelous. Another time we tried it with him sitting on a low stool, leaning back against the bed as I straddled his body and held onto the footboard for support. It was extremely exciting and I found that I could prolong the act for indefinite periods in that position which satisfied both of us immensely. We learned quite by accident that there are a lot of side benefits to be had from varying our positions. For one thing it keeps us trim and in good physical shape. For another, it keeps us aware of our weight and whenever we find we are putting on a few unsightly and cumbersome pounds, we diet and take care of ourselves. Nothing is more helpful to the human body than varying the positions of love. We find many delights in seeking new and different ways of lovemaking and this keeps us young and fit.
Even when I have my period we make love, and though at times that is unpleasant, we laugh about that. I believe that in order to be truly happily married, you can't have any rules or conditions when it comes to making love. What happens between a man and his wife is strictly their own personal business and I am convinced it is wrong for the church or society to impose upon them laws governing their sexual behavior. It's none of society's business what way a couple makes love as long as it is mutually agreeable. Those people who let those silly ideas inhibit themselves are missing out on some of the greatest fun there is in life.
The four individual case histories of the two married couples just presented clearly reveal the importance of freedom of sexual expression in marriage. Today these persons are well adjusted and happy. There is little likelihood of divorce since the enjoyment they derive from their compatibly fulfilling relationships far outweighs the discordances or minor conflicts which normally arise in everyday life. Hence the philosophy of sex fun and games through fun filled mutuality is a major contributing factor toward their harmonious relationships.
"The surest way to hit a woman s heart is to take aim kneeling."
Douglas Jerrold, The Way to a Woman's Heart
CHAPTER TWO
THE "HOW" OF HAVING SEXUAL FUN (What Is Sexual Fun?)
A harmonious sex relationship is a prerequisite to a long-lasting and happy union. Couples who experiment and find new and better ways of gratification are invariably able to achieve the maximum enjoyment and fulfillment in marriage. Conversely, those who look upon intimacy as a "necessary evil" and do not seek the pleasurable aspects of human interpersonal and sexual relationships are denying themselves the natural birthright of man to participate in the joy of life and love. True fulfillment in the normal love relationship is one which must first be approached from a pleasure-seeking attitude rather than that of toleration or forbearance. Freedom from guilt is a natural benefit from a free attitude toward enjoyment of sexual relations.
Dr. Curtis L. Roche
CASE 45 Mr. & Mrs. S.
Leroy S., age 28. Gladys S., age 27.
Leroy's Statement:
Ever since the first year Gladys and I were married, we have done everything to insure that we stay in love with each other and that we never get tired or bored with one another. The way we do this is simple. We treat each other with respect. We never insist upon doing anything that we know to be against the wishes of the other. We remember the little things in life, the anniversaries, the birth dates, the little jokes and the memories of our courtship. But most of all we recognize that the important thing in life is to satisfy each other sexually.
When we finally learned to throw out the yokes of superstition and whatnot that had made us feel guilty about our sex wants and practices, we began to live-really live! We could enjoy sex relations without fear. We had no guilts about what we did. We were lucky, I guess, because we were smart enough to question a lot of the things that bothered us deep down inside. Gladys and I started going steady just after we were graduated from high school. I was attending trade school, learning the profession of typesetting and linotype operation and Gladys was working in an office as an inventory clerk, so we decided to wait before we got married for two reasons: the first was to make sure we really loved each other; the second was because we wanted to have enough money saved so we could be independent.
Both of us were from rather poor backgrounds and we didn't want to live in tenement apartments and always be in want of things and most of all, we didn't want to be broke. During our courtship we never went all the way. Gladys wanted to be able to wear a white wedding dress at our wedding and she wanted to be just as "pure" as the chaste white dress symbolized. I couldn't argue with that because I had been brought up the same way, although I was not the sort of guy who could go for any length of time without having sex relations, or without masturbating. I was always very honest and outspoken and Gladys always listened to me with understanding, so we often talked about how much I needed sexual relief. One day when we took a drive over to the next county to go to the beach there, we rented a cabin to undress and change and we saw each other nude for the first time. We necked and that was the first time we petted each other until we each had an orgasm. Gladys cried and said she was ashamed and then she admitted she had often masturbated herself and had always felt guilty about it. I told her I had been masturbating since I couldn't remember when. I also had felt guilty about that, but I had read several books about the subject and had come to understand that there was nothing harmful in it. We eventually overcame our fears about masturbating and it became a regular practice between us. A lot of times when we were out on a date we would get so excited that we would have to go off by ourselves in the car someplace where we would relieve each other.
When I was drafted into the army, Gladys and I agreed that we should date others while we were separated. She understood how it was with me and she didn't expect me to be thousands of miles away from her and still remain entirely faithful. I understood how lonely she would be and I told her it was only right that she should date other guys. That way both of us wouldn't be so lonely and the time would pass quicker. Moreover, it would be a kind of a test of our love for each other.
As it turned out, I went to a couple of prostitutes during the two years I was in the service and didn't date any girls where I was stationed. Gladys had some dates and she told me about them in her letters. She told me that no one else excited her and though some of the guys she went out with tried to neck with her and tried other things, she never let them and consequently they never asked her to go out with them again.
About two months before I was discharged from the army, I came home on leave and Gladys and I went away together for a weekend. She told her parents the truth-that she was still a virgin and intended to be one until her wedding date, and they sanctioned our weekend away from home. By then we were engaged, of course, so it was okay.
Gladys asked me about what I had done with the prostitutes and I told her that I didn't have intercourse with them; instead, I paid them to perform fellatio on me. She admitted she was a little jealous, and then she told me that she forgave me because she knew I had a powerful sex urge that had to be satisfied. She told me that she had once watched her older sister do that to her brother-in-law when her sister didn't know she was in the house, and she had often thought about it, particularly when she masturbated. She was glad that I had told her the truth and she admitted she wanted to try it.
When we checked into the motel instead of going out, Gladys and I undressed and got into bed. We kissed and caressed each other madly. Then we sixty-nined for the first time. We both enjoyed it and it was the most gratifying experience we had had up to that time. It was then that we both vowed to be true to each other and never to date anybody else.
We got married the week I was discharged from the army and we went up to Canada on our honeymoon. We stayed in a cabin for three days without once going outside. All of our dreams came true that week and we didn't have any trouble with intercourse because we relieved each other several times before actually doing it so we wouldn't be too anxious and keyed up. There was a kind of magic about being together during those first few months and everything, my work, the new apartment and furniture, was a joy. We vowed then that we would always do everything in our power to insure that marriage for us would always be the most important thing in the world and that we would never let it grow humdrum and dull. We had several friends who had married and who divorced after a year or so and we knew that they had broken up because they had allowed monotony to set in. One friend of mine told me that he and his wife always had intercourse the same way and it became so monotonous and dull that he started to run around just to have some variety of sex fun. He said, "Leroy, you'll find that you'll get sick and tired of having the same brand of cake all the time-you'll want to run around too just because you're a man and because your appetite is like mine and every other 99 guys.
I told Gladys what he said and she agreed, nobody could take the same diet night in and night out without variety; so she decided that we ought to do everything in our power to make sure that we didn't do it the same old way every time. We laughed about this and we made a game out of thinking up new and different ways we could have sex.
The first thing we did was make up a schedule. On Mondays we would make love in the living room on the sofa. On Tuesdays, we would do it in the kitchen. Wednesdays, in the bedroom. On Thursdays, we'd do it on the living room rug. Fridays, we'd skip in order to save up for Saturday nights when we would go out on a date or to the movies where we would pet and steam each other up until we wouldn't be able to wait until we got home and went to bed. Sundays, that was our day for having a matinee and sleeping late. To spice things up, we would frequently alter our routine and try all kinds of positions. Even when Gladys was pregnant with our little girl we kept right on having our regular sex fun.
This kind of fun is something neither of us has found monotonous or boring. Each time we have intercourse, or have oral-genital contact we are actually able to enjoy it more than the previous time. As a result our love has deepened and we are able to gratify each other to the fullest, as I'm sure most of our married friends are unable to do.
A few months ago I went into business with a friend of mine who put up the money to open a typesetting company. The hours were long and the worries were too much and something happened to me that threatened to disrupt our marriage. I began to fear that my sex power was weakening and I started to have trouble maintaining an erection. A lot of times I had premature ejaculations and I was frequently very tired-too tired to continue our sex games. Rather than go on worrying about this, I went to see a psychiatrist. He didn't take long in analyzing my problem: I was allowing my business problems to interfere with my marriage. He said I was to be envied because I was one of the few individuals he had ever met who had lived a truly naturalistic and enjoyable sex life. When I realized what was happening, I sat down with my wife and told her that I'd been to see a psychiatrist. Gladys laughed and told me that she also, unbeknown to me, had visited the same psychiatrist because she was afraid that I was losing my love and desire for her! We laughed over this and we talked everything over. Then we reached a decision. I would stop taking my business problems home with me. She would make sure that I wouldn't mix business with our love life. Together we licked the problem and I might add, that my urge is just as strong today as ever, if not more so-and we're delightfully happy.
Gladys' Statement:
Leroy and I were absolutely devoted to each other from the time when we first started dating. Our marriage has been wonderful, if not altogether perfect and sometimes I worried if it was too good to be true. We always were perfectly suited sexually and when Leroy recently began to show signs of becoming disinterested in sex, naturally I began to worry and ask myself if I were to blame. I didn't want the same thing to happen to me that has happened to several of my girl friends when their husbands began to lose interest in them sexually. That is the reason why I came here to seek the advice of a specialist in marital problems. And I'm glad I did come now because I understand the reason why my husband's potency or desire has been lessening. Frankly, I would never have believed that a man's business interests could affect his marriage-but now that I know, I'm determined that it won't happen.
From the very beginning of our life together, when we were engaged, for instance, I was never content just to gratify Leroy sexually unless he also could gratify me. At first we didn't have intercourse. We masturbated each other. I used to have a lot of guilt feelings about doing this because ever since I had been a little girl, I had played around with myself. I heard all kinds of terrible things that were supposed to happen to people when they masturbated, and I was plenty worried. Several times when I was little, when my older sister and her husband lived at the house because they were too poor to afford an apartment of their own, I saw my sister making love to him. The first time, they were in bed having regular intercourse. I came home early that day from school and they must not have heard me come in the house. I was around ten years old at the time and I heard the bed squeaking in the bedroom. I got very excited and I watched them through the crack in the bedroom door.
My sister and her husband were very happy together and I wished with all my heart that I too could be as happy as she was. She often said that she would gladly do anything in her power to make Bud, that's her husband, happy. We never said much about sex in the house because everybody always seemed so embarrassed or something when sex was mentioned. But I knew that my sister and Bud were happy because they really were.
When I had been masturbating a couple of years, when I was about thirteen, I happened to peek through the keyhole one day and I saw my sister going down on Bud. She did it very slowly and lovingly and she kept looking up at his face; he was sitting propped up against the headboard of the bed with his legs apart; and I'll never forget the look in his eyes when he took her by the cheeks and pulled her up to kiss her on the mouth. It was very sensuous and terribly exciting and after they kissed, my sister went down on him again and she kept sucking him until he groaned and writhed around and finally had to push her head away. She smiled up at him and they fell asleep like that. I masturbated a lot, thinking about that, and about how I'd like to do the same thing to the man I loved.
When Leroy and I started going together, I had this fear that perhaps he wouldn't like me to do that to him and I was very worried because I'd heard derogatory terms about people who performed fellatio and I was afraid I was a pervert because I wanted to do that. I eventually did that to Leroy one time when we were engaged when he came back from the service. I did it after he told me he had paid a whore to do that to him. I was glad he admitted that to me because then I knew he liked it and I couldn't wait until we were alone before I tried it. It was the most thrilling sex experience I'd ever had up until that time and he went down on me too. Although Leroy had assured me that there was nothing harmful in masturbating or sucking, nevertheless I still had some fears. But after we were married, those fears left me. Sex with us became a wonderful, wonderful game. There wasn't anything we didn't try and we always looked forward to making love in every room in the apartment, and sometimes even on the floor.
When Leroy went into business a few months ago, things started to happen that made me begin to worry if perhaps we had been overdoing it, and were getting jaded from so much sex. He was losing interest in sex and believe me, when I found out that that was because of his business problems, I was never so happy in all my life. I want to thank you, Doctor, for also putting my mind to rest about some of the other guilty fears I've secretly worried about. I guess I always knew there was nothing harmful in oral-genital contact and in masturbation, but somehow those things I'd heard as a kid never were entirely erased from my mind until now. It's really strange how the mind often harbors foolish guilts and fears that take all the zing and fun out of sex. Now that I've learned that nothing was really wrong with me or our marriage, I can go back to making our love life even more enjoyable and meaningful than ever before. I'm giving this statement voluntarily and without hesitancy because I want others to know how my husband and I have so much happiness and fun together.
CASE 16 Mr. & Mrs. W.
Charles W., age 35. Mary W., age 39.
Charles' Statement:
The fact that Mary is four years older than me bothers her more than it bothers me. When she started getting headaches and hot flushes and began to worry about changing life and hitting the forty year mark, I insisted that she see a psychologist for analysis of her problems. Actually, she didn't have any problems that I could see because we always got along just fine during the fifteen years we were married. I was only twenty when I married Mary, and if I had it to do all over again, I would do exactly the same thing. When I first met Mary, I was employed in a wholesale tobacco company where she also worked. She was married at the time to an army officer. She was very pretty and all the guys who worked in the firm tried to date her, but she wouldn't give any of them a tumble. I admired and respected her for that, and eventually we became friends. She liked me because I was the only salesman there who didn't try to get fresh with her. One day Mary received one of those War Department telegrams informing her that her husband had been killed. I was only nineteen at the time but I knew enough about her to understand that she really needed a friend. She was all alone in the city and really didn't have anyone close to her to comfort her. She had a couple of girl friends, but they weren't much help because they were busy with their own problems. I suppose I was just in the right place at the right time. A year later Mary and I were married. We haven't regretted a minute of it since because we're like two birds of a feather.
After about two months of grief, one night Mary let me take her out to dinner. We had a couple of drinks and then a couple more and she took me home with her. I don't remember what happened, and I suppose nothing did happen, but when I woke up in the morning I was in bed-Mary's bed-and both of us were fully clothed. She burst into tears and cried her heart out, saying that I wouldn't respect her and things like that. I tried my best to convince her that everything was okay and that I didn't think any less of her for having let me sleep with her and a couple of days later she forgot about it and we went out again. She told me her whole life story, reliving every detail of her life with her dead husband. I listened and I understood and I wished that she would have loved me like she had loved him. One day I told her so and she cried and one thing led to another and the next thing we knew, she was on top of me, her beautiful naked hips going up and down like pistons of flesh. We were passionate all night long. She seemed completely insatiable. In the morning she burst into tears, saying she was ashamed and a lot of silly things like that. I told her that I loved her and I'd give anything to marry her. She sat up in bed, looked at me and in a strange voice, asked, "Chuck, you're not just saying that to make me feel better?"
I nodded. "Cross my heart. I love you and I wish you'd say yes."
"You're not just saying that because you're sexy?"
"No. You've worn me to a frazzle and I still love you and want you despite that feeling." We then talked for hours on end, and I poured my heart out to her. I told her that I had masturbated like mad all my life, ever since I was a kid. I had always dreamed of having a woman who would not only love me, but who would also understand what it was to be so full of sex desire all the time. I told her about my former girl friends, girls I'd gone with who seemed so disinterested in sex relations that they had frightened me off. I told her that I loved her and I meant it. She said she loved me too, but she was afraid of what other people might say, she being four years older than myself and all. I laughed and told her that other people didn't live our lives and what business was it of theirs how old we were? Moreover, since I had been on my own since my sixteenth birthday, and looked much older than my years, what difference did it make?
She said okay, but on one condition. That we wait and go around together for at least six months before deciding. I agreed and that was it. We got along swell. We made up our minds that she would work for awhile until I got my promotion, then she would quit and we would buy a house. She had some insurance money and though I didn't want her to use it because I had ideas of my own and because I was actually saving most of each paycheck, she insisted. At this time we made up some rules for living-and loving. She and I both bared our souls to each other. She told me she had always been a passionate girl and had often been beside herself with passion. I told her it had been like that with me too and she seemed glad to hear that. Little by little we got to know each other until we knew every detail of each other's life. I sometimes felt a little reserved in telling her everything, but she drew it out of me. I did likewise and before long there wasn't anything either of us didn't know about the other. We both had the same ideas about life and sex and marriage and we both saw to it that whatever we did, if we went out to dinner or to a movie, we both compared our thoughts and likes and dislikes, and that way we got along wonderfully. Because we didn't have any secrets from each other, and because we each knew just how far the other wanted to go sexually, no holds were barred. We made a game out of sex and believe me it was out of this world every time we went to bed.
Actually, once we were completely used to each other there weren't any problems. We could be completely ourselves without inhibitions or any thing like that. If I was in the mood to do it standing up, or on a kitchen chair, Mary would always get excited by the suggestion and she would get with it just as heatedly as I did. On the other hand if she just wanted to lay there and just have me kiss her body all over and suck her clitoris, it would excite me because I knew she wanted that and just the thought that I was able to please her was enough to fire me up too. That's the way it was with us, and always has been, until she started changing life. She has begun to realize though that the cessation of her menstrual periods has no bearing on the fact that I'm still just as devoted as ever to her and also I'm just as desirous of her as ever. The difference in our ages means nothing to me and I now know that she will eventually overcome her psychological distress about hitting the forty year mark and she will once again be as she was.
Charley's Statement: [Five months after psychotherapy was completed.]
The best thing that ever happened to Mary was her period of psychoanalysis which has just been concluded. Not only has she become her old self again, but she is more carefree and full of fun than ever. She is more vigorous sexually, too, and I've got my hands full just keeping up with her. I have learned also that she had nursed some unconscious guilts about having not had any children. I didn't realize she was brooding about this, and for that matter, neither did she consciously realize it too. We just never were able to conceive because she had a tipped womb and after several complete examinations [the first real physicals she had ever had in her life] she learned that not even corrective surgery would have made it possible for her to bear children. This knowledge relieved Mary a great deal and she was therefore released from any other inhibitions which might have stood between her and her happiness. Thusly released from these secret worries, Mary is a different woman-a woman who is far superior to the person she was a few years ago. I think our best years are now ahead of us and our sex relations were never better or never more adventuresome.
Mary's Statement:
When Chuck started going with me shortly after my husband was killed overseas, I was quite incapable of letting myself go. I felt guilty about going out with him and though I was sexually attracted to him, I couldn't encourage him to touch me, let alone take me to bed. I was very much in love with my first husband and I somehow couldn't quite get used to the idea that he was really dead. Only when Chuck wisely snapped me out of the doldrums was I able to face reality and acknowledge the fact that my husband was dead and I was a widow. Then I gradually warmed to life-and to Chuck-and one day I couldn't stand it another moment, so I Practically raped him. I was surprised at myself because I had no idea that I could be that passionate or make love that wildly and wantonly. I have learned since then that I had a lot of frustrations and pent up emotions which had been cooped up inside me for a long, long time and luckily for both of us, Chuck was there to help me rid myself of them. We loved each other from the very start and the closer we became, the more we loved each other. It was as if I was clinging to him with every fibre of my being and he was part of me in the same kind of way. It was something I couldn't understand. But sex was the common meeting ground for both of us and we were always able to create all sorts of wonderful ways to make love together, especially when we were relaxed and didn't have to go to work the next day.
One of our favorite ways is when we take a shower or a bath together. We wash each other and this is so exciting at times that we engage in all sorts of sex play. Usually we take a shower together as a preliminary to love making and this works us both up into a frenzy. On several occasions we tried having coitus in the bath lying down, but this was too difficult. We prefer to do it with me standing up and leaning against the towel holder for support while he enters me from the rear. Once we did it that way anally and while it wasn't painful for me, it wasn't particularly pleasurable. Occasionally we do it that way when I have my monthlies, but usually then too we do it in the shower so we can wash immediately afterward. We have a low bathroom stool which we also sit upon. He sits down with his legs extended and I sit in his lap with my thighs on either side of him. We love to make love this way because he has free access to my breasts and I attain a fantastic orgasm while he sucks my nipples and fondles the cheeks of my buttocks while I move up and down on him. Usually we tease each other in the bath and can't wait until we get into bed to culminate what we started in there under the shower together. Another exciting thing we both enjoy is taking a shower afterward. Even though we might have been utterly spent and exhausted, there is something wholly spiritual about taking a shower or bath with the man you love right after you've made love. He and I kiss and fondle each other and frequently we work ourselves up again and make love again as a result. We create all kinds of ways of lovemaking without really giving it much thought. We're just together and we start necking and no matter where we are it just happens. I think sometimes we invented ways to do it, like once in the front seat of a Volkswagen, just because necessity was the mother of invention. We have a lot of laughs over some of the zany things we've done and the places we've done it in. But out of all this we've grown to love each other more than we ever dreamed it was possible to love another person.
One of the things that bothered me a great deal was the fact that I was four years older than Chuck. Everything came to a head when I began to feel the menopause coming on. I was suddenly terrified that Chuck might leave me all alone in the world and abandon me for some younger and prettier woman, and I couldn't bear that. I guess I brooded over this so much that I began to go to pieces. Thank goodness Chuck had the wisdom and the insight to make me go to see the psychiatrist. I don't know what might have happened to me, to him, to our marriage if I hadn't gone, and that's the truth-I was cracking up, being destroyed by my own silly fears and unresolved conflicts. When I finally realized what was at the bottom of my problems, I began to come alive again. Sex once again became the most important part of my life with Chuck. I began to think of new and better ways to keep him sexually stimulated and it wasn't long before I began to dream up newer and more novel ways to make love. I had managed to throw off the last of any of my old inhibitions that I had somehow still clung to and was able to devote myself with complete abandon to having a fuller and richer sex life with my husband. I learned that the more you made love, the better you got at it and the better it was, and the more enjoyable it was as well as the more satisfied you were, and so it was with us. Chuck never looked at another woman-he couldn't have had the strength to do so even if he wanted. He was all mine and I was all his. We were like we once were-only better. I was an extension of Chuck and he was the other half of me. We learned that we could function sexually almost like one connected being and it was marvelous the ways we could attach ourselves to one another and experience new thrills beyond anything anyone could imagine. Today our relationship is so intense, and so magnificent, that we have it all over those characters who must resort to drugs and alcohol in order to get their kicks. We get our kicks out of sex and loving one another and that's the way it ought to be. If more people discovered the sort of thing Chuck and I have, there would not only be less divorce and cheating and unhappiness in the world. I think the secret of our happiness is in the way we have fun together in everything we do-especially with sex.
Sometimes we start to kiss each other and kid around and before we realize it, we're eager to get undressed and get into bed. Sometimes just a look from him will get me all worked up. He likes the way I seem to sense when he is in the mood and I take the initiative, just as I like when he seems to sense when I'm in the mood for love. Once in awhile we'll dance or play some of our favorite records and frequently this leads us into a romantic frame of mind. We always try to spend a few hours each week together-doing nothing, but sit ting beside each other with our arms intertwined. We get a lot of kicks out of talking over old times and trying to remember what we did months or years before on certain days. This sort of reminiscing is marvelous because it reminds us of how happy we've been and the dreams we've shared and the fun we've had. Once Chuck looked at me and said, "Baby, I'm going to lay you right here on this kitchen table." I laughed and tried to elude him when he grabbed my arm. I was wearing my nightgown and robe. He was dressed and ready to go to work. He kissed me and pushed aside the dishes and then lifted my robe and gown and put me down on the edge of the table. Then he stood up between my legs and I clasped my thighs around him and we were both so excited we had a simultaneous orgasm in less than a minute.
Little things like that mean so much to us because we both know we love each other more today than ever and we're never weary of one another. I think it's the weariness and monotony that does more to chill the fires of love than anything else and for that reason, Chuck and I never fail to make love at every opportunity. I enjoy it more when I am able to give him pleasure and he has the same feeling toward me.
The sex relations between a man and woman are particularly wonderful when it is indulged with every bit of love and enthusiasm that can be mustered. When you work at being in love and you don't slacken your effort, you achieve much, much more satisfaction and joy than you can ever give. That's the secret of how Chuck and I maintain our happiness. And what's even more important, Chuck conquered my fears of growing old and losing my beauty simply by making love to me more ardently and enthusiastically than ever before. Love is catching. It is the kind of thing you can't do without, nor can you withhold when the one you love makes love to you.
"Love s tongue proves dainty Bacchus gross in taste."
Shakespeare Love's Labour's Lost Act IV Sc 3, L 339
CHAPTER THREE
THE VARIETIES OF SEX FUN AND GAMES
Just as there are hundreds of varieties of likes and dislikes which people throughout the world share, so there are many diverse methods of love making which some people enjoy and others abhor. Aside from psychological reasons and physiological or anatomical reasons or those pertaining to taste or propriety, there are numerous modes of sexual expression which many people would enjoy if they experimented with them. The true aficionado is familiar with all the nuances and varieties of the love art even though there are many practices which he or she finds to be somewhat distasteful. We mention this as a matter of course solely to indicate that it is not necessarily recommended to try anything which may prove to be distasteful to either or both partners. On the other hand, knowledge of the varieties of ways to make love as practiced by other human beings is not, in and of itself, unworthy of thought. Anthropological and sociological research tells us that what may be the custom in Melanesia or Rhodesia may be also be the custom in Brooklyn or in Mexico City; while on the other hand it may not be the custom, but the exception in any place. Knowledge of the varieties of love and sex technique increases self-confidence in matters pertaining to intimate relations regardless of where this knowledge is obtained. It is only when misinformation and erroneous beliefs are passed along that we find dissatisfaction and disharmony running rampant.
A balanced diet of food is just as necessary to the human body as is a balanced diet of love and sex is important to the human libido.
The following questions were asked the case history subjects. The statements they made in reply have been excerpted from their cases.
1. Do you feel that a happy sex life is important to marriage?
2. How important to you would you say your sex life is?
3. Do you and your spouse look upon sexual relations as a game or a pleasure to be mutually enjoyed?
4. Is your marriage successful?
5. In your opinion, would your marriage continue to be a success if you or your spouse were not sexually compatible?
6. How frequently do you and your spouse engage in sexual relations?
7. What positions do you assume during intercourse?
8. What postures do you and your spouse prefer?
9. Do you engage in oral-genital contact? Your spouse?
10. What specific sex act or technique stimulates you most? Your spouse?
11. Do you engage in other forms of sexual play or contact with your spouse?
12. Describe in your own words some of the varieties of sexual indulgence which you and your spouse enjoy, and in particular explain the preferred styles of sex play which you both enjoy.
CASE 36 Mr. & Mrs. C.
Jim C., age 32. Ruby C., age 31
Jim's Statement:
I believe that a happy sex life is the most important facet of marriage and without it, I know my marriage would be empty and meaningless. The chances are, I would divorce my wife in a minute if we weren't sexually compatible. I can say thankfully that Ruby and I are perfectly suited to each other sexually. Our marriage is a success because sex to us is more than just a necessity-it is the most important game and reward of life. I can't answer precisely how frequently we have sex because sometimes it's every day and sometimes we skip a day or two, depending on how tired we are or what we might be doing.
Usually, we have intercourse on our sides facing each other. That way we can make the act last longer. We like to take our time and fondle each other while we do it. Ruby likes to draw her right leg up and place her left leg around my hip as I grasp her buttocks. In this position I can excite her to the fullest. She likes me to try other positions also and one of her favorite is on top of me. I sit on a chair and she sits on my lap facing me. I support her backside and thighs and she uses the chair rungs as stirrups. Once we had a rocking chair that we used to do it on. We got so carried away one day that we made so much racket that the neighbors thought I was beating up Ruby and they came upstairs and peeked in the windows at us. They had to climb out on the porch roof and what a sight they saw! I realized they were watching us just at the climax, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to ruin it for Ruby. When she did realize they were watching us, she went into hysterics. After that we moved away. She was too embarrassed to face our neighbors. We never did it on a rocking chair again. But we always laugh about it now and it's a private joke between us.
Sometimes our passion was so intense that we both wondered whether or not we were becoming perverted. We both had had strict moral upbringing and we had received some rather puritanical instruction about sex from the self-styled marriage counselor-reverend who tied the knot for us, which was how we got those wrong ideas in the first place. Fortunately, Ruby had had some experience before we were married working as a receptionist for a psychiatrist and she asked him about it. He laughed and out of friendship for her gave us an hour of his valuable time. We learned more in that hour than we learned in a lifetime of picking up street and church nonsense about sex. We read a lot of books on the topic and we soon found out that we were perfectly normal. Everything we did was natural and we were wrong to be alarmed or to feel guilty. When we thought about the earlier teachings we laughed. We really let ourselves go then. That was about a year after we were married. We have sex relations in every way we think of. I sometimes perform cunnilingus on Ruby, but she doesn't like me to bring her to orgasm that way. Usually it's just preparatory to the actual sex act. Sometimes when she's in the mood she performs fellatio on me. It's a love act, not a perversion and anyone who calls oral; genital relations that is ignorant. It's one thing to do that strictly as a perversion, just like prostitution or addiction to liquor or drugs, but it's quite another matter when it's done as an adjunct to the love act between two people who love each other.
I think of all the love caresses or acts, mouth-genital contacts are the most exciting and stimulating. Both my wife and I prefer to tantalize each other that way first before indulging in coitus. It fires us up, lubricates our organs, and also heightens the intensity of the climax when it does come. Of course when we are absent from one another for a few days and when we go to bed after being without sex we are usually so highly excited that we don't have to spend a lot of time with the preliminaries. When Ruby menstruates, we generally avoid having intercourse, but sometimes when we are both passionate and in the mood we do indulge. Occasionally, when she was pregnant, and later when she was sick for a while, she performed fellatio on me and masturbated herself. This is satisfying to her and it excites me a great deal.
We both enjoy walking around the bedroom nude and it's kind of exciting to lock the bedroom door and watch TV together while being naked. Usually whenever we go away for a business trip or on a vacation, we get all worked up planning the things we'll do together. When we go to a hotel, for instance, the fact that we're in different surroundings stimulates us greatly. We have coitus in all kinds of amusing ways, in bathtubs, standing up, piggy-back fashion, and you name it. We particularly like the sensation of being in a strange environment because it's both romantic and a change of pace. Somehow Ruby looks more alluring and sexy to me when I see her naked in a different setting. She says that there's something clandestine about making love away from home. One of the most exciting times we ever had was when we had to go to New York City on business. We were stranded in our hotel room because of a snow storm. For two days straight Ruby and I didn't wear a stitch of clothes. I only got dressed to let in the bellboy with our meals. We made love in every position we could think of and we made a game out of seeing how many times we both could come. On the morning of the second day we lost count. We were so worn out that we slept until noon on the third day. Other people need dope or alcohol to enjoy themselves-Ruby and I only need each other and we have the time of our lives every time we are alone in the intimacy of our bedroom. We have found that by changing positions frequently and by prolonging the sex act we are able to enjoy new thrills and increase our stamina as the years go by.
Ruby's Statement:
Of course I believe a happy sex life is important to marriage. I believe this because the life Jim and I lead couldn't be happier. We often talked about what life would be like without sex and needless to say we're both of the opinion that it would be barren and empty and not very interesting or ex citing. With us love and sex is one and the same thing. Once Jim gave me a book of poetry on which he inscribed, "A lovers soul lives in the body of his beloved." I think that quotation from Plutarch best describes what love and sex means to us. We're like one person when were making love and there are no limitations or restrictions on what we do and how we do it. I guess we're what you might call boudoir aficionados because love and sex with us is the ultimate in personal relations. It is sheer joy to indulge in the greatest, most intense human act possible with the man you love and it gives me the greatest thrill in the world to know that the feeling and mood and thrill is mutual.
I don't think our marriage would be the success that it is if we were sexually incompatible. I know a lot of people who have unhappy sex lives and I hardly think that any of them have what you might call a happy marriage. I have several acquaintances who are so sexually frustrated with their husbands that they often cheat with other men. They are fools because they are wrecking their lives and are risking disgrace to their children; but I suppose this is better than living a barren, empty life without sexual gratification. I also know other women who are sexually unhappy and they in turn make their husbands miserable with their constant bickering and nagging and spending. A lot of women take out their sexual frustrations in many different ways. Some of them turn to alcohol or gambling as a means of escape. Some of them cheat; others become spendthrifts; others become clothes horses and vain peacocks; and a lot of them become club women. This is because they crave love and attention and they don't get it at home so they go out and try to get it from others. They don't know what they're doing and the chances are they never will. Me, I don't have time for anything else but my family and my husband. That's all the life I need. Sure, we have friends and a social life and we are often asked to parties and we often give them, too, but this is secondary. Jim and I would gladly pass up a party or a show if we were both in the mood to spend that time locked in our bedroom. We often have done this and we've never regretted it. A lot of times we arrived at parties late, sometimes when they were just about over, because we had got excited sexually and went to bed and forgot the time.
We never count or ration the times we have relations. It just doesn't work out that way. Sometimes we do it every day and sometimes two or more times in a day, and sometimes we skip a day or two. If I'm exhausted physically, and may not even be in the mood to have intercourse, it doesn't take Jim long to kiss me and arouse me. If he sees I'm too worn out physically, usually he will let me rest and this is something that proves he loves me because of his consideration. One thing though, sometimes when I am utterly worn out, he has the capacity to wake me up sexually in such a way that my weariness disappears like magic. I don't know where I find the strength sometimes, but nevertheless it's there. Being stimulated probably dissipates physical weariness because it has happened more times to me than I could ever begin to count. We will lay on our sides hugging and kissing and feeling each other's naked bodies and that is sometimes enough to wake me up even if I was half-dead. Sometimes I kid Jim about that, saying that if I was ever at death's door, he would be able to bring me back to life just by making love to me and arousing me. I cannot describe the intense ecstasy of feeling his hands stroking my body, his strong fingers cupping my buttocks and clamping me to him; then the way his erect organ slowly and easily enters my vagina. It is a feeling that is too magnificent for words. I feel utterly helpless in his power. I sometimes am able to have five or six orgasms. We both try to have the last orgasm together so we can fall asleep in each other's arms. I enjoy feeling his organ relaxing and shrinking in my vagina afterward.
I don't recall die first time we had mouth-genital contact, but I think it was about a year after we were married. We find that the "69" position of mutual oral contact stimulates us to more passionate lovemaking when we take the more popular positions.
A lot of times when I have my period and I know he's in the mood, I will perform fellatio on him, not just to relieve him, but also to relieve myself. I can achieve an orgasm when I am on my knees between his thighs. I do this by keeping my thighs pressed tightly together and wriggling my hips while I suck him. When I feel his organ swelling and beginning to throb, and when I fondle his testicles at the same time, I can always tell when I'm bringing him to the climax. I delay it a few times deliberately because I have found that his enjoyment and relief is greater if I prolong my oral administrations. I like to bring him to his climax at the same time I have mine. At one time I was worried about this act because I'd heard it was perverse, but a psychiatrist I used to work for set me straight. He told me and Jim and there was nothing harmful in it. I read a lot of books, and so did Jim, which the doctor recommended and from which I learned a great deal. I also learned that it was not at all harmful if you swallow semen and sometimes that too excited me terrifically, though Jim doesn't want me to do that.
We like to go away by ourselves often and whenever we do we have some marvelous times in bed. There's something novel and different about having sex in a different setting. There's a kind of intrigue or something about it that excites us both. I suppose it's the same sort of kick that other people get by reading murder mysteries-they can identify with the killer without actually being killers themselves-we can pretend that we're doing something clandestine without actually being unlawful or illegitimate about it, if those are the right words. I can't think of any other thrill that is greater than having relations in a lot of different positions. One time Jim and I were out shopping for a house and we went into a model home. We were alone there and he started to kiss me and he took off my panties and pulled up my dress. Then he lifted me up by the buttocks and put me on a dresser top. He made love standing up against me. It was so exciting and daring that I had three orgasms within a minute or two. The element of risk or the danger of being discovered was a change of pace. We sometimes make love in the damnedest place, like out in the car when we're enroute somewhere. One time Jim pulled off the road when we were on our way to a wedding reception. We went in the woods dressed in our formal attire and he bent me over a tree stump and entered my vagina from the rear. It was a lot of fun and we laughed about it afterward, just like we always joked about a rocking chair we used to make love on.
We always vary our positions in a lot of different ways according to the mood we're in. Some times when Jim feels particularly frisky, he likes to toss me around and we do it upside down, nose-to-toes style, or sitting up, our groins together, facing each other, but our legs astraddle. This is exciting, but not nearly as exciting as when he enters my vagina backward and rams me so violently that I feel like I'm about to pass out from the sheer ecstasy of being used that way. I like him to use me vigorously from time to time, but usually he does it gently and lovingly. It's grand to feel that you can be all things to the man you love, and I'm certain that my husband feels the same way about me. When we can frolic together without a care in the world, nothing is more delightful or wonderful. There is no other sheer enjoyment which two people can share than this kind of love play. Many times when Jim has had business reverses or even when I was depressed about illness of relatives or indebtedness, a good vigorous time in bed would never fail to chase our troubles and cares away. I think that sex can be not only a thing to do when you're happy, but it can also be a tremendous tranquilizer when you're depressed or very worried. Yes, I am convinced with all my heart that sex relations-happy sex relations such as Jim and I always have-is the secret of a happy marriage. I pity those who don't have the kind of marriage we have.
CASE 12 Mr. & Mrs. Y.
Edwin, age 43. Victoria, age 46.
Edwin's Statement:
In the twenty years Vickie and I have been married our sex life has been the main reason why
'we have always been so happily and perfectly mated. I feel very strongly that without a good sex life there cannot be a good marriage. I feel this way because at one time Vickie was not very good in bed. In fact, she was frigid and quite afraid of sex relations. That was during the first three years of our marriage. I was twenty-three when I married her and she was twenty-six. She was married before to a religious bigot who mistreated her in a lot of ways and that was why she divorced him. I suppose she developed a strong fear of married sex relations and that was the reason she was cold toward me and couldn't give of herself. Anyway, when I threatened to leave her unless she started to respond to me sexually, she went to see a head-shrinker and he set her straight about a lot of things. She had a very strong fear of being pregnant and dying in childbirth and the doctor helped her see that her ideas were foolish. She gradually loosened up and became a regular hot number in bed. From that time on until now she has never been frigid or inhibited. Sex to her has become just as important as it is to me. In fact, as she is getting older, she seems to be demanding more and more sex satisfaction and I can hardly keep up with her, which is one thing I'd be the last guy in the world to complain about. This kind of a sex life is terrific and it's the most important thing in the world to me. We kind of regard our sex life as something special that has to be enjoyed to the fullest every chance we get. I suppose this is why our marriage is so successful, and not only that, it's the reason why I've never been dissatisfied with my line of work or the job I'm on. I have something to look forward to when I go home at night. I don't have to go out with the boys or spend a lot of time in bars like a lot of other fellows I know because my wife means my whole life to me and I want to be with her as much as possible. Some guys I know cheat a lot and run around. I feel pity for them because I know they don't have what I have at home.
Vickie and I do it almost every night, and since she has stopped menstruating, we don't have to delay because of that. She likes me to get on top of her the old fashioned way; but she likes me to change around a lot and use other positions, like with her squatting over my penis when I am sitting up in bed with my back against the headboard. That way I can nibble at her breasts and she likes that. She has very large breasts and they were always her pride and joy. She is very sensitive about them. Sometimes she likes to lay back on the pillows and have me straddle her stomach and rub my penis between her breasts. That excites her like nothing I've ever seen and she can hardly wait for me to put it in her vagina. Vickie is very sexy and she likes to play around a lot with me before we let go and come. She likes me to bite her naked skin around her hips and the insides of her thighs and sometimes she wants me to bite her for a long while before coitus. I tease her a lot and she loves that too because it's like being tickled, she says. It's good and you want it but you also can hardly stand it.
We do some kissing of the genitals, but not so much because it's too exciting and we can't hold off long that way. About ten years ago we moved into a new house where the former owner had a lot of mirrors on the doors and the walls of his bedroom. Our bed was high enough so we could see ourselves. It was very exciting to do it that way, especially when the lights were just dim enough to see ourselves. It was like having an orgy and both Vickie and I like to think about doing that someday, but we both know we never will. The idea is exciting, but nothing more than that. We are very keen on looking at each other and Vickie likes to do a slow striptease for me. She also likes me to walk around nude because she says she is fascinated by the way my penis swings free and stand up when it's hard. She says that excites her and knowing that it excites her, also excites me too. A lot of times we have a game of tease and tickle. After the kids are asleep we go in the bedroom and lock the doors and then we kid around and wrestle and bite and tickle each other. Sometimes Vickie pretends she doesn't want me to do anything to her that night, and I insist. She wrestles with me while I strip off her clothes. It's very thrilling like that because we always wind up in the craziest positions. One time horsing around like that the bed collapsed and fell down under us but I had it in her and didn't stop for anything. It was one of the wildest times we'd ever had and we sometimes reminisce about it.
One Christmas I bought a polaroid camera and we took a lot of pictures of ourselves in every position we could think of. I tripped the .camera shutter with a long cord and they came out perfectly. It was extremely exciting when we did that and even now, when we look at those pictures which we took then, and which we still take occasionally, it arouses us greatly and we dream up new ways of making love. Of course we hide the photos in a secret place in our bedroom that nobody can find, and we only look at them ourselves. Wed both die of humiliation or embarrassment if somebody else saw them. Neither of us have the heart to destroy them, though we know it s kind of risky having them in the house.
We always have a time together when we go away on vacations, we liken them to honeymoons because we use every opportunity to have as much fun sexually as we can. Neither of us has weakened any sexually-in fact, we are better at it now than ever before and we attribute this to the regularity and pleasure and mutual satisfaction we both enjoy. Vickie sometimes likes to masturbate me, just for kicks and a change of pace. But usually, we can't masturbate each other to the climax because we get so excited that we have to make love genitally. We tease each other in a lot of other ways, too. I know how to touch her in just the right places that gets her all excited just as surely as if you would light the fuse on a cherry bomb. Sometimes she wants me to suck her and I do, but she can't control herself and she usually climbs on top of me then and we have regular intercourse. I don't like her to go down on me because she gets so excited doing it that she often bites my penis and her teeth scratch me. We laugh a lot and we have a lot of fun at everything we do, whether it's going to an amusement park, or square dancing, or going bowling. We have a lot of friends, but I'm sure none of them are even half as happy and as compatible as Vickie and I are.
Victoria's Statement:
Ed is the greatest lover in the world and as far as I'm concerned, if I didn't have him to make love to me, I'd just as well be dead because I can't imagine doing it with any other man. I'm not as intelligent or as well educated as Ed is, but I do know one thing-our marriage is the most wonderful part of life because it's the sex that makes us really live. Sex relations really glued us together as no other two people in the world could possibly be joined together, if you know what I mean. I am able to really let myself go when we are alone and even sometimes when we aren't alone. Most of the time I can hardly wait for Ed to come home from work because I'm that anxious for sex with him. When we first were married I was terrible to him and I realized that he would have divorced me if I kept on that way, so I did what he asked and saw that psychiatrist. Now I realize that nobody can be happily married unless they have a good sex life. We always make love whenever we can because it's something you can't wear out-because we need to do it. I like Ed to get on top because he makes me feel so protected. I also like to sit on top of his penis and rock back and forth and bounce up and down. That way I can feel him all the way up in me-a feeling which is tremendously powerful. Sometimes I get so wound up that I feel I have to suck him and a lot of times we wrestle around funning with each other until I perform fellatio on him. That calms him like a wild animal trainer taming a bear. When I'm gentle he loves it, but when I see him getting excited I get carried away. I forget myself then and I bite. That ruins it for him so he always finishes inside me. One of my favorite variations is to lay back on the pillows when he sits on my belly and lets me hold his organ between my breasts. I am very sensitive in the breasts and sometimes I like him to finger my privates and kiss my breasts while I play with him. Everything about sex between Ed and me is just fine. There isn't a thing I wouldn't do for or to him just as I'm sure he feels the same. Our love is the most important thing in my life and the sex part of our lives goes with that, so without one or the other, I guess we'd have nothing. I'd rather die than be without either one or the other if you can say that love and sex don't go hand in hand.
The heights of human enjoyment knows no limit when two people who love each other are able to express their basic human needs in gratification of each others sexual strivings. The mutuality of the love act attains its greatest zenith when two individuals share the release of their unbridled passions without restriction or senseless, inhibiting taboos. True love knows no boundaries and when all boundaries have been removed the psyches of two becomes as one.
"Love's history, as Life's, is ended not by marriage."
Bayard Taylor, Lars. Book III
CHAPTER FOUR
SEX FUN AND GAMES AWAY FROM HOME
The human personality craves variety and a change of pace from time to time. As the cliche goes, "Variety is the spice of life," so does the individual go to seek varieties in life. When he or she takes a vacation from the humdrum affairs of everyday living, what better opportunity is there than to indulge in sexual expression as a "vacation" from the everyday sort of thing? At times just a change of pace or scenery is all that is needed to reinvigorate a jaded appetite. "Get away from things once in awhile," is the best advice any doctor can give a patient when "things" begin to get the better of him. When wise individuals heed their whims or urges and are able to go away for a brief time they invariably return refreshed and recharged, their libidos restored and their general overall health and outlook on life improved.
At times the pace of modern living is such that even the most emotionally stable individuals begin to show signs of cracking under the strain. As a result their relationships toward their business associates as well as their families becomes strained and sometimes worse. Before this happens they are wise to get away for awhile, even if only for a few hours. The change of scenery-even if it is only in a motel bedroom-is more than enough at times to reinvigorate even the most jaded of individuals.
One New York City psychiatrist who resides in Long Island reserves a hotel room each week for his wife and himself to enjoy a few pleasurable hours of sexual freedom. This "change of atmosphere" keeps them young and content-and they are in their late sixties!
CASE 24 Mr. & Mrs. J.
Benjamin J., age 35. Teresa J., age 33
Benjamin's Statement:
Because I believe that a happy sex life is so important to my wife and I we do everything in our power to keep sex interesting, thrilling, and intriguing. Actually, we both feel that sex is so important that it should be treated something like a game of life. Like the seasons, spring and summer with baseball, fall and winter with football, sexual activity should be varied in order to perk up otherwise routine lives. Because Teresa and I believe this so wholeheartedly, we made up our minds eleven years ago when we were first married that we would never, but never allow our sex lives to become routine. We had seen what happens to other people's marriages as well as their sex lives and we didn't want the same to happen to us. So we planned out what we liked best to do and we stuck to those plans.
In my profession as a CPA I have my busy times and my slack times, so Teresa and I decided to take not one, but two or more vacations each year. In the winters after the holiday seasons we would go south. In the springs after the income tax times were over, we would go north. Even if we couldn't afford a luxury vacation each and every time we would go away despite all obstacles. It was what we owed ourselves and our marriage. Because of this rule we have had a successful, happy, and compatible marriage. You see, the purpose of these vacations is this: Teresa and I seek to go away each time to rediscover ourselves and our love for each other. These vacations are often spent in a lonely cabin in the woods, or on a rented houseboat, or anywhere else we can find where we can have time to ourselves and time to be alone. These twice yearly honeymoons actually spark up our lives and they rejuvenate our libidos, if the use of that Freudian term can be forgiven. There is a kind of magic in going off together with the person you love that no other kind of thing can give you. The rule that most people observe, to go away on a vacation once a year and try to cram all sorts of activities in a few brief days is not at all conducive to a well ordered life and a happy sex life. What I mean is, how can one actually enjoy a vacation when one tries to cram a hundred and one activities into each day, and then have enough vigor left over to enjoy some good wholesome sex fun? If there is anything that riles my wife and I, it is being herded like a tourist. One and only one time we allowed that to happen to us. We were married and took off on a
Caribbean cruise on our honeymoon. It was one hectic unpeaceful honeymoon. We didn't want our activities planned for us, and we didn't want to eat or dance or drink or play bingo by the clock. All we wanted was to be left alone-to discover ourselves-to enjoy ourselves sexually. We didn't need other people. When we reached the first port of call, we canceled the rest of our cruise and spent the remaining ten days of our honeymoon on the beach at Nassau New Providence. Boredom never set in. We did what we wanted to do when we wanted and we didn't have anyone sticking their nose into our' affairs. We spent a glorious honeymoon in a secluded beach house which we were fortunate enough to find to let. We swan in the nude by moonlight; we had intercourse on a lonely beach at dawn; we made love until we were so exhausted neither of us could move. But most important of all, we had the time off by ourselves to really live. Whenever we can these days, Teresa and I pack the kids off to her mother's and we go away for a weekend, ostensibly to play "golf" but in reality, just to make love uninhibitedly. We have fun and we have that fun because we plan it that way. What else does a married couple really have when you get down to it? The truth is, there is very little in life that is truly meaningful, or more meaningful than the intimacy between two people who dearly love each other. What we do or how we do it is not as important as the fact that we are doing something off by ourselves! When you share the same bed and the same roof and the same table, when you read the same books, watch the same TV programs, and bring up the same kids, there is a kind of routine to life that must be varied from time to time to rebalance the books of life. We have never forgotten the lesson we learned from that honeymoon of ours that began on the cruise liner and continued on a quiet beach.
Teresa's Statement:
Ben should have been a poet or an artist instead of an accountant because he is indeed the most romantic man I have ever known. The things he taught me about how to live and the way we have lived are things that I cannot express in mere words. Between ourselves sex and love and marriage is one and the same thing-something to be revered and enjoyed to the utmost. Frankly speaking, sex is drat magic thing that makes our lives truly happy because it is the one single activity that we have which unites us and holds us together. Let me explain what I mean.
When Ben first took the plunge and quit his job to go into an accounting practice for himself things weren't particularly easy for us then. I was busy at home with the baby at the time and I was beginning to crack under the strain of seeing him so worried and fretful all of the time; and what was more, I couldn't see how on earth we could even afford to pay for the gas to take a five day trip up to the big woods, much less pay for the tolls and the rent for the cabin and food and all; yet, Ben insisted that no matter what, we owed it to ourselves to get away and rejuvenate ourselves. I argued with him, but his mind was made up. We had got into a rut and things weren't going smoothly. Sex had become a routine thing and neither of us seemed to notice it-until I relented and we went on the brief vacation.
When we got to the cabin the next morning, and found ourselves all alone with nothing but trees and birds and occasional wild animals around, something happened that had never happened to us before. Suddenly, everything-our cares and troubles and worries-seemed remote and foreign to us, as if we had left everything behind us in another world. Ben and I undressed and took an ice cold shower-there was no way to heat the water that was pumped in from an underground spring. We both were stark naked and goose pimply all over. The brisk fresh air that blew through the open windows and door had a kind of sting to it that excited me in a way I had never been excited before. We were both nude and when Ben turned off the faucet we were suddenly aware of the silence around us. Gone were the street noises, the sounds of civilization, and in place of this was the magic of nature. We were suddenly Adam and Eve. Ben put the towel around me and he dried me very gently. My skin tingled all over and I could hardly move. He then led me outside and I balked because we were nude. He laughed and reminded me that no one was around for miles. Then he spread the towel out on the ground and took me in his arms. We laid in the warm sunshine in each other's arms and fondled each other. After awhile we went inside and I made the bed with the sheets we had brought and we made love. Little by little we became more frantic in our movements. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs when the moment arrived and I did so. My voice echoed in the cabin and seemed to carry through the woods. It was a marvelous feeling to be so suddenly free, and the magic of it also caught up Ben. We were like two sex-starved libertines, flailing away at each other trying to slake our insatiable lusts, trying to make up for lost time, trying to get rid of all our cares in the heat of passion. We made love all that day and not until it grew dark and chilly did we get out of bed. While I prepared something to eat, Ben made the fire. That night we listened to the radio and made love again on the hearth before the log fire. Then we walked down to the lake in the moonlight and threw stones in the water. Ben and I sang for awhile and then we went back to the cabin. We had truly rediscovered ourselves and the days flew and I almost lost track of time.
We did a lot of silly things then. For instance, when Ben wanted a nip of cognac I wouldn't let him drink it from a glass. I poured a little in my navel and made him lick it out.
I know this might repulse some people, but frankly I couldn't care less. We like to do that and as long as we know we love each other and our bodies are clean and pure for each other, what's the difference what we do so long as we like what we do? Of course we don't get a great big erotic kick out of doing this sort of thing, but it's a lot of fun and we get a lot of laughs. I know there are some people who would make faces and gag at such a suggestion, but like I said, I live my life and my husband lives his and what we do is our own affair.
The day before we left I woke up before Ben did and I began to stimulate him sexually. He made a grab for me and I ran to the door and unbolted it and ran outside, stark naked. He ran after me, just as naked as the day he was born, and he chased me all over the forest until he finally cornered me down by the lake. We were both breathless from the running and we wrestled around a little before he finally pinned me down and held me fast. He entered me eagerly. There was something special about the way our bodies were gleaming with sweat from the running that excited us to a new pitch we had never before known. I felt wild and free and so did Ben and afterward, we were sorry that five day vacation was over.
I'll never forget one time when we went hiking in the woods. Ben noticed this big tree with several wide branches in it that opened to a fork. He and I climbed up the tree and I leaned against the tree trunk while he took off my pants and panties. Then I placed my legs on the limbs of the tree and while he balanced himself on a lower limb he stood up to me and we had a furious time of it. By clasping the branches overhead I could regulate my hip movements and it was great. Later as we clung together I happened to look up and notice some squirrels and birds looking at us. We screamed with laughter. It was so funny to be alone like that and have all the wild animals observing us.
Another time we made love on a swinging bridge just about nightfall. We got so carried away we almost fell into the river when the bridge got to swinging too far. It was great that time and we always talk about it to this day.
As the years slipped by after that, Ben and I always looked forward to each little honeymoon. Sex at home was great, but it seemed a little more thrilling and a little more intense away from home. Each year we would plan to go to a different place. One time we rented a houseboat and cruised through the Florida Keys. Another time we made love in a ghost town out in Arizona, and another time we did it right in the middle of Times Square in the back of a camper we had driven there. We have found that sex and looking forward to sex holds a kind of fascination for us which I'm sure is one of the reasons why we are so compatible and happily married. Neither of us uses the other like so many other people we know-instead, we enjoy each other to the fullest. Positions in sex are important if they are comfortable and exciting and varied. I don't like to do it every time in the same way, and thank goodness neither does Ben. The important thing about our sex relations is that they are what we both need and want and they are never dull. I might add too, that when we are sexually secure and satisfied, nothing seems as important as our love for each other. Troubles and cares don't seem to be of consequence when we are able to take sex honeymoons. Every time we come back after being away from the house for a couple of days or even a couple of weeks, our problems disappear and the obstacles that had stood in our way before we went away seem to be molehills instead of mountains. Know what I mean?
CASE 38 Mr. & Mrs. F.
Vincent F., age 58. Katherine F., age 51.
Vincent's Statement:
Now after thirty-five years of marriage Kathy and I are still just as active as ever sexually; and it is the sex that has kept us healthy and active and just as young as ever. I think that I'm the luckiest man alive because life with my wife still has so much to offer. One of the major reasons why we have always been so vigorous sexually is because we both think sex. A long time ago when I was a young man of twenty, I was given a piece of advice by a great-uncle of mine who told me, when I asked him to what he attributed his great age, since he was past ninety at the time:
"Vince," he said, "just remember one thing and you'll live to be a hundred: use your fountain of youth every day of your life. When you do, you'll find that it is the truest way there is to happiness and a long life. Never feel guilty about it; always use it on a woman you love and who loves you; never put it in a dirty woman; and most of all, use it daily for as long as you live, even if you must do it with your hand. You see, my boy, it is really a muscle of life-it gives life and it enriches life-and when you use it to bring pleasure to yourself and your woman it will be like the true staff of life that it is, the one the Bible talks about, and it will be like a strong muscle that will keep you young. Remember, in Psalms:23 it is written: `Thy rod and thy staff they comfort thee,' and in Isaiah:36 line six, it is written, "Trustest in the staff of this broken reed; the meaning of the first is obvious; the meaning of the second is less so, but its meaning is clear when you ponder it."
I never forgot my great uncle's words. He died when he was a hundred and two and his third wife, when she was widowed at sixty-six, told me that the old man was still as active as he had been when she married him when he was in his sixties forty years before! In my profession, fitting people with trusses and surgical garments, I get to know a great deal of aged people. The ones who are vigorous and fit are the ones who still have an active interest in, and who still take an active part in sex. The older I get, the more I appreciate the wisdom of the old man's advice. I have lived by that principle too and for that reason I suppose I'm just as fit sexually today as when I was in my twenties. Katherine and I keep fit sexually be cause it is more than just a pleasure act, it is exercise and a way to keep our muscles and our body tones supple and young.
To be sure, I believe that a happy life is a happy sex life and there are no ifs, ands or bus about it. Without a happy sex life there can't be a happy marriage. Our sex life is both a pleasure and a necessity and we still have intercourse regularly every other day of our lives. One of the greatest pleasures that perhaps does more than anything to enhance and enrich our sexual relationship is the travel we do. Now that our children are grown and married and have families of their own, Katherine and I take a motor trip to a different place each month. Sometimes we stay only a weekend, and sometimes we stay as long as we can, for two weeks and occasionally for a month. We have discovered that there is something romantic in a new and different place, or in some historic spot we've heard or read about. When we go to places like Washington, D.C. or to Bowling Green, or to Williamsburg, Virginia, we usually try to go off the beaten track and stay in farm houses or old hotels rather than the new modem places. We will sometimes drive two hundred miles to have dinner in an historic old restaurant where the atmosphere is romantic and enchanting. We do this because it makes us feel young and vibrant again. There is a certain something in being off by ourselves as though we are discovering something we had missed before in life.
I'll never forget the first time Katherine and I discovered how exciting it is to weekend in some intriguing atmosphere. We stayed in a little country town not far from Baltimore. There in a great big four poster bed with a glowing fire in the hearth across the room we had a session of intercourse that lasted all night long. Only when we heard a rooster crowing and when we saw the first fight of dawn shining through the window upon the old yellowed wallpaper that must have been on those walls since the Civil War days, only then did we fall asleep in each other's arms. We felt that certain joy that defies description. It was spiritual as well as physical and it was filled with nostalgia, like when you thrill to some fond memory of long, long ago.
We seem to find ourselves transported back through time in this way and we are actually enchanted by the moods which we share every time we are in some wonderful place. I get aroused when I watch Katherine undress in the dim light of a fireplace, or by kerosene lantern, or when I watch her take a bath in an old iron bathtub in a great old house. She and I plan our trips with great care, and we often look forward to these little vacations with much eagerness and anticipation. Traveling seems to make us young again and after a long drive in the car we are ready for a fine dinner and receptive to a vigorous bedtime love session.
When she dons a nightgown and moves about a candlelit room I cannot resist her and I like to make a game out of our lovemaking. We sometimes find ourselves in a creaky old bed in which we can barely turn over without making a great deal of noise. When this happens we make love, trying to make as little noise as possible. It reminds us of the days when we lived in her parents' house when we had a creaky bed there and had intercourse nightly without making any noise. Often we wouldn't do it in bed at all, but instead we'd do it on the furniture tops, on rugs on the floor, standing up, leaning over, or on chairs and couches. It was a game that we discovered more or less through necessity when we were young and we have never been satisfied when we could make love night after night in a comfortable bed that wouldn't make thumping and creaking and squeaking noises. A lot of beds we slept in were lumpy and had great hollows in the center of the mattress into which we would invariably roll together. These too provide a challenge and I am always able to rise up to it and Katherine is able to rise up to me.
We like to make love to each other when our bodies are clean from the bath and our skins are glowing from the stimulation of cold water. I like to kiss Katherine's body from head to foot particularly when her nipples and flesh are puckering with gooseflesh from the cold. There is a sweetness to her body and to her silken-haired triangle of love that I adore. When my face is clean shaven, and I habitually shave before retiring so as not to scratch her beautiful body, I like to rub my face and nose over her fine body hair. Slowly and very lightly I feather my tongue over her and she begins to purr like a kitten and responds by moving her hips. I can feel the little clitoris begin to stiffen and protrude and when the sleek flesh begins to glisten and feel slippery from my mouth caresses, I turn her over and she crouches on her knees, buttocks in the air, jutting over the foot or the side of the bed as she turns her face to one side upon the mattress. I then get down on the floor and begin to kiss her back, working my tongue up and down her spine and then I slowly work around until she is writhing and moaning again. At this point I place both arms between her legs and reach my hands up to a point just below the small of her back where her hips begin to arch out, then I move my fingers down and part the cheeks of her marvelous buttocks. I blow my breath lightly over her exposed quivering parts and that sends her into ecstasy. I perform cunnilingus on her. She always has an intense orgasm a few moments after I do this and I hold her imprisoned in my arm lock as she fights to escape me. Then she begins to respond again and that is when I stand up and enter her to take my pleasure.
We vary our technique of course; sometime she will slump back in a chair and hang her legs over the chair arms and extend her parts to me just over the edge of the seat. I will kneel on the floor or upon a pillow and enter her that way. We often vary the way we make love in a chair and arrive at some rather comic positions. One of our favorites, a somewhat strenuous position, is when she wears only a pair of high heeled shoes to elevate herself when we do it standing up. Then she leans backward when we are joined and rests her shoulders and the back of her head upon the flat of the chair cushion. I grip her under the buttocks and lift her up and she kicks off her shoes and clasps her feet around my neck. She uses the chair for leverage and she is able to move quite vigorously and sensuously in that somewhat upside down, bicycle exercise fashion. When I do it to her like that and when we are on the verge of orgasm, I fall forward upon her upraised body and rest my arms on the back of the chair while balancing myself on my tiptoes. I enter her fully, achieving the deepest penetration of her vagina in this manner and we both come together. We have learned how to signal each other when the supreme moment is imminent. I know each tiny sound she makes, and from these grunts and sounds I'm able to pleasure her to the Nth degree and at the same time regulate my own movements so I am able to achieve fulfillment at the same momentous instant that she is entering the spasms of joy. To be sure, Katherine and I are perfectly mated. Our sex life together is more than just mere pleasure-it is a way of life.
Katherine's Statement:
As the years pass and we grow silver-haired together, Vince and I never fail to become better lovers than ever. It seems that his philosophy has been correct all along, though I must admit I have had my doubts about it, being as how I never understood that people can still lead active and energetic sex lives after age fifty. Now that I'm fifty and Vince is fifty-eight, his contention is proved and goes on being proved day after day. His sex ability and mine are just as versatile now as they were thirty-five years ago when we were first married. It's amazing to me because I have many friends who tell me they have all but ceased having sexual relations with their husbands; and when they do, usually they are impotent and inefficient. Many of my friends are younger than I, and their husbands are younger than Vince, and this is shocking.
I don't live their lives, however, frankly all I care about is my husband and our life together. Nothing else matters. I feel young and I look younger than my years. My muscles and skin tones are youthful and my sexual desires are better than ever, especially when we play at love together. When my husband starts kissing me I can feel the youth returning to my body and suddenly I am not fifty years old at all; I'm in my twenties! And most important of all, I'm a girl in love with her fella all over again, for Vince does things to me that no other man on the face of this earth has the ability or the wherewithal to do to me. He makes love to me like a man worshiping a goddess he makes me feel like a goddess.
We have always been deeply interested in history and in romantic things and all our lives we have adored travel and seeing strange places and people, and what has happened between ourselves is truly wonderful because of our interests and love of travel. We have discovered that there was something erotically exciting to spend frequent nights away from home in other places far away. When we go away and check into a hotel or motel or even a tumbledown rooming house or tourist home there is an invigorating and exciting mood that comes over us and holds us in its spell.
It reminds me of the first time when Vince and I had sex together. That was before we were married. Neither of us were virgins and we had both had other lovers-and we both knew it. But when we discovered each other, and found that we truly loved each other and that we had a certain something which we dared not try to define, we knew we were right for each other. Getting back to what I was saying about the first time we made sexual love to each other ... We went into the woods not far from my parents' home and made love on a bed of rustling leaves by the light of the moon. I had never before experienced such feeling of transport and I have always had that same feeling whenever Vince and I took a sabbatical and went away for a few days. After the children were born I resigned my teaching job and devoted my life to my family-and to Vince. Despite my efforts to keep life interesting and especially our sex life enticing, sexual love became monotonous and lost its appeal at times. We both felt that this was because we slept in the same bed year in and year out and we were falling into a rut both sexually, mentally, and spiritually. What we needed were some changes. And that was when we went off on our first romantic sortie.
"I'm going to take you out in the country to a tourist cabin," Vince told me on Friday night, "and I'm going to strip your clothes off and we're going to have a sex orgy."
The excitement of his words made my cheeks hot and I could feel the blood pulse through my veins just at the suggestion of what he had said. That weekend was the first and it was really something. We both made up for lost time. It was a welcome change and when we returned to our home and picked up the children from my sister's where we had parked them, it was like starting afresh, as though we had completely revitalized ourselves deep inside. After that we began to plan other trips each week and we found that somehow we would always manage to have a more marvelous time than before. By going away together we were doing something different from what our friends were doing. Usually the men went off fishing or hunting or on business trips by themselves while the women stayed home. Vince and I could never see that. For either of us to go away and leave the other was unthinkable. What we had learned was that we didn't need a vacation away from each other-we needed vacations together! I think this way of thinking and living had a great deal to do with making us as happy as we are today.
Vince's style of lovemaking is so gratifying to me because he knows more about me than I do myself; which is the reason why he is so skillful. I respond to him in every way humanly possible and even in some ways that aren't normally possible. For instance, I keep his appetite for me whetted by doing a lot of things that most women would never think of doing. I fondle him and his wonderful organ at every opportunity, even when we are at the table or out with a crowd, or in a movie. These secret touches and caresses express how much I love him and how much I want to keep on loving him. Each time I take his organ in my hand he isn't satisfied unless he can reciprocate by touching me also. When we have sexual intercourse he drives me wild by loving me to the point that I could scream, and then we go at it in every position we can think of trying. Lovemaking is a game that is certainly the most delightful thing two people can play at together. Whenever we go away to some place or other, we go in for all sorts of gymnastics which we usually do not do at home. There's more excitement that way and we sort of look forward to going away by ourselves and doing all the things that we don't do at home. Perhaps it's the novelty of it all; and perhaps it's something else I cannot define, but whatever it is, it certainly keeps us both keenly interested in each other.
Many times when we make love we tell each other that we love each other and that's another important aspect of our marriage that keeps us both young and passionate for each other: we communicate with words, with kisses and caresses, and we play the game of love according to the rules of our hearts.
"Duty's a slave that keeps the keys, But Love, the master goes in and out Of his goodly chambers with song & shout, Just as he please-just as he please."
-D. M. Mulock, Plighted
CHAPTER FIVE
OTHER SEX GAMES PEOPLE PLAY
CASE 11 Mr. & Mrs. D.
Leo D., age 42. Mitzi D., age 40.
Leo's Statement:
After seventeen years of marriage my wife and I have got it made when it comes to having sex fun and playing bedroom games together. In my line of work as a TV serviceman the hours are long and the pay is good but hardly enough to pay for the luxuries we'd like to have. About the only real thing in life that matters where we are concerned is our love life, as my wife, Mitzi, prefers to call it. When we are alone she isn't embarrassed to call it by a more picturesque name. Actually, we both use all the four letter words when we are together intimately. We don't use them all the time, but frequently we do. There's something exciting about saying the forbidden words which appeals to the erotic nature of both of us.
Sometimes we like to make love like lovers and sometimes we do it like a couple of sex fiends-but whichever the case may be, it's all a game as far as we are concerned. We don't feel one way or the other that we are doing anything wrong as many people would have you think. What we do in the privacy of our own bedroom is our own business.
I have a couple of close friends who tell me what they do with their wives, and they sometimes feel inhibited and guilty because they've learned as far back as they can remember that anything connected with sex is supposed to be shameful or wrong or dirty. Me, I couldn't care less about what other people say-and thank God Mitzi is just like me too. We don't have any taboos when it comes to sex and we don't beat around the bush when we are in the mood to do something we've never done with each other before.
Neither of us go for this stuff that you should be afraid to tell your wife or your husband what you want done to you. If I am real beat after a rough day's work and I don't feel much like having a knock-down, dragged-out session, I'll tell Mitzi the truth. If she's horny and is in the mood when I'm like that she tells me and we'll horse around and eat each other for awhile until we're all worked up. Then, no matter how tired I might have been when I came home, all that is forgotten and I'm raring to go.
Mitzi has a way of making herself up that always excites me. She does her eyebrows in a black pencil and puts on mascara and green eyeshadow and that makes her look like Mata Hari or something. When she wears a slinky long dress that clings to her body enabling me to see every contour and soft curve I can't resist her. She will often doll herself up like that when I come home and I just can't keep my hands off her. It's like a Christmas present all gift wrapped and exciting to look at when I see her like that. She usually fixes herself up once or twice a week, according to her mood. It's a game with her to see how many times she can seduce me just by dressing the part. One time she dolled herself up to look like a streetwalker and she even wore a big floppy hat, but after I took her clothes off and left the hat on, she saw her reflection in the mirror and couldn't stop laughing.
I don't express myself too good and it's not easy for me to say exactly what it is that always works me up when Mitzi sets her mind to it. We like to do some nutty things, like having sex in the backyard at night when everybody is asleep in the neighborhood; and sometimes we go on picnics too-just the two of us, and we don't bring a basket of food either-just some beer and a blanket and we eat each other and make love like a couple of kids sneaking it in the park. Most of all what gets us both all hot and bothered is when we go out to a movie or to a restaurant and Mitzi deliberately doesn't wear anything under her dress. I grab a feel every time I get a chance and she loves it. When the miniskirts came into style we had a lot of laughs going downtown shopping with her wearing not a stitch under that skirt. It was a gas the way she had to walk to keep people from seeing up her skirt. We forgot once and rode up an escalator and everyone could see her fanny and they stared at her like she was crazy. I thought that was funny and Mitzi said it excited her to think that she was so daring.
There are a lot of things we do to seduce each other that other people may think are kind of nutty. To give you an example, we sometimes play table tennis in the cellar in the nude and make up things that the loser has to do to the winner as a way of rewarding the victor. One time we played gin rummy in the nude and Mitzi lost so I made her pay off the bet by going to a nudist camp with me. We went about a week later and after that experience, we never went again. The idea of walking around in the nude in front of other people embarrassed us both and didn't really excite us as I had first thought it would. Actually, Mitzi got mad at me for making her go and she accused me of wanting to find some new way to get a sex kick. I had to admit that it was true and she said she knew damn well that that was what I had in mind, and after that she began to do everything she could to keep our intimate sex life full of kicks and surprises.
One time she got a book of exercises and we started to do them together in the nude. That was the most exciting thing of all and we always finished in bed. We both have always been in good physical shape and we wanted to stay that way. The exercises helped a lot and we do pushups, sit ups and all kinds of bends and body bridges to keep in condition, but seeing each other nude never fails to excite us and stimulate us. We sometimes run around the house in the raw, playing all sorts of games like hide and seek and things like that. We do it just for the fun of it and we like to let ourselves go in the privacy of our home like that because it keeps us young and active. When we roll in the hay we like to change positions a lot because that way we're able to make the act last longer and we're able to get more enjoyment out of it. We never seem to be able to get enough loving and we're both always going at it as if we were still on our honeymoon or something. This attitude is very important to us because it keeps us rejuvenated and thinking young.
We have a lot of friends who are the same age as we are and they don't have much fun sexually because they don't try to make it a fun thing. Take away a man's possessions and his wealth and what is left? His wife and that something special that she means to him. When a man's wife is full of fun and is always willing and eager to get into bed with him, I think that's the greatest thing in the world. That's why Mitzi and I are so happy. We have fun in everything we do, and even when things go wrong, when we have money problems and things like that, we can laugh-and love, and still continue to have a ball despite our troubles. Sex is a kind of release and at the same time a kind of escape from a drab existence for the both of us.
Mitzi's Statement:
Leo and I started marriage seventeen years ago on the right foot and we've kept toeing the mark in the same way ever since which is most likely the main reason why we are so happily married.
A long time ago my mother said to me that it was my "duty" to spread my legs for my husband whenever he wanted it. I thought it was a "duty" until one day shortly before we were married when I happened to tell my future mother-in-law what my mother had said. Well, when Leo's mother heard that, she hit the ceiling and explained the facts of life to me. When she was through my cheeks were burning, but at least I had learned something! I realized that my own mother was kind of backward and old fashioned and that Leo's mother was more up-to-date and young-thinking. That little heart to heart talk had more to do with our future marital happiness than perhaps any other influence and I don't begrudge saying so either. I learned that the attitude toward marriage that it is a "duty" to make love is a carryover from the dark ages when women were without rights and were also not supposed to respond to man's lovemaking since a show of enjoyment was not allowed. What Leo's mother told me made a lot of sense and I checked it out. When Leo and I were married I willingly did everything he wanted to do and found it was all very enjoyable and exciting. I wondered at how something that was that pleasurable was supposed to be the opposite and I realized pretty soon that a lot of women didn't know what they were talking about or what they were missing. Since they went into marriage with their minds closed and their attitudes such that they wouldn't ever be able to enjoy sex, it was not any wonder to me that they complained all the time. I used to hear them complaining in the markets, in the coin laundries, and in the beauty shop, both when I was a kid and later when I had become a married woman.
At first, when I was a girl I believed their stories about marriage being hell. I said to myself that none of that would ever apply to me-that my own marriage would be different. And thanks to my enlightenment just in the nick of time, it was. I know my husband is tired when we go to bed because he works hard for long hours and he is often on his feet all day, but that does not stop us from making love and from making a game out of love. This is the most important thing about marriage-being married to someone you love with whom you enjoy making love and having fun with your bodies. Our love life is the one thing that keeps us both active and young and without it, I swear I think we'd have nothing and would soon wither away like a couple of dried prunes. Our friends are few and far between who admit to having good sex relations with their wives and husbands, but we only listen to them and smile knowingly because Leo and I aren't like them at all-we have learned the secrets of successful marriage.
As I started to say, when Leo comes home from work and after supper when he has had his shower and goes to bed, I don't just crawl into bed next to him and roll over and go to sleep-no indeed. The first thing I do is make a game out of massaging him and trying to wake him up and chase away his fatigue. This sometimes arouses him. I will kiss his body all over and that will always do the trick. When I fellate him very gently for a time he never fails to come to life and then we have a merry old time in bed. He will do the same to me when I have had a bad or exhausting day and it never fails to wake me up.
I call a spade a spade and don't have any misgivings about using the words we both use. There is something about these obscene words [if they may be called obscene] that excites us both. We made up between ourselves a long time ago not to call it a penis or a vagina or clitoris. Those words sounded unreal and medical and if anything we didn't want to be reminded that our bodies were in any way supposed to be analyzed. We were in love and are in love and we don't give a hang about the proper names of the parts of our bodies. We learned words when we were kids and though I sometimes pretend that I'm displeased when Leo uses them, I secretly like them.
There is a certain something about sex that we both dig in a lot of different ways. He hooked up a couple of swing rings from the ceiling in our bedroom and he likes me to hang upside down with my ankles in them. Those swing rings can be used in a lot of different ways. One time we tried it while Leo hung from one and I hung from the other. It was real wild and we ended up on the floor because one of the rings pulled away from the ceiling and he almost broke his neck. We howled with laughter, though and soon were making love like a couple of minks.
We regularly take exercises in our bedroom, doing calisthenics like push-ups, deep knee bends, bicycle exercises, and the usual. We have an isometric bar too and we use it every day. You'd be surprised how these exercises keep us both in shape and enable us to make love longer and better.
When we do those exercises together a lot of times we excite each other and cannot wait to complete them before we're in bed. One of the most exciting ones is this: we sit on the floor stark naked facing each other. We join hands and put the soles of our feet together. Then we open and close our legs and rock to and fro on our rumps. This is increasingly exciting when we open and close our legs and then, keeping our feet touching, lean back on our hands and arch our backs, jutting our pelvis areas up and out toward each other. I have learned to roll my hips around like that while leaning my shoulders on the broad-loom with my back arched. After a time Leo will become glassy-eyed and he'll come at me with a terrific erection. I tease him and crawl, away but he always catches me. I guess you might say that we're a couple of health nuts, but we don't mind being called that because we enjoy good health and we enjoy doing goofy things like that together.
I get particularly excited when Leo works out with his weights and barbells. We have a large bedroom with a corner of it carpeted where we keep all our exercising paraphernalia. When I see him sweat and watch his muscles bulge as he lifts the weights and exercises with them my flesh tingles when I'm watching him and my mouth actually waters just to kiss his beautiful flesh. When he is tanned he looks great and we always try to go to the beaches as much as we can.
We go boating a lot and when we do, we will go way out in the ocean or on the lake, depending upon where we are, and we'll take everything off and loll around in the nude and make love under the sun. It's different when two people love each other as we do and aren't ashamed to do it in the daylight or outside in the sunshine. I think one of the most exciting things about married love is that you can do it anywhere and anytime you want. Of course we are discreet and don't do it where we will be seen by others-but there are times when we are a little reckless and I suspect that others have peeked at us occasionally. Once we were on a raft at a seashore and were way out in the water. When we came back to the beach we saw two people sitting on the sand grinning at us. They had a pair of binoculars which the woman had tried to hide under the towel. Leo laughed and said he hoped we had given them a thrill. I felt embarrassed though and because it was late, we decided to gather our things together and go. We lost a tennis shoe and when we went back to look for it, Leo grabbed my arm and touched a finger to his lips and pointed. The couple we had suspected were watching us had moved into a clump of shrubbery and were having intercourse. They weren't more than ten feet away from us. Leo unslung his camera case and snapped an entire roll of film. When we went home he developed the snapshots and they were really something. We got all hot and bothered looking at them and we made love, laughing because we knew the couple had watched us and got very excited as a result. I think the act of looking is very exciting too, and both of us often look at spicy pictures and magazines. We don't get as nearly as excited doing that as when we see each other naked.
We have come up with some very funny ways of playing games like Monopoly and such. When we play Monopoly and Leo lands on one of the properties I own I make him take the rent out "in trade." If he has to pay me say fifty dollars, he has to get on me and give me fifty shoves. If I land on his properties, I have to get on him. The fun is when we force ourselves to keep from having an orgasm and force ourselves to stop when the debt is paid. Usually at this point we're so worked up we can hardly concentrate on rolling the dice and moving our markers. The game is over when one or the other of us "loses" and has an orgasm. We sometimes play Monopoly several times a month.
We play strip poker a lot and this is very exciting too, especially when either one of us is overly anxious to make love and the other is in a teasing mood-and is also more lucky than the one who can't wait to do it. We play at this teasing around and it really heightens the pleasure that inevitably always comes. I guess we're always using sex as a reward for whatever we do. If Leo reaches a certain income during a given week, we treat ourselves to an extra long period of time in bed and I am the one who does most of the "treating." On the other hand, if I save some extra money on the household budget, or if I happen to buy a couple of bargains for the house and save a lot of money, it is Leo who "rewards" me by doing all the "treating." We give each other massages, baths, shampoos, and you know what else as a way of rewarding each other. This is one of the greatest things about our marriage-this mutual consideration keeps us both timed up and interested in each other and we are closer now than we ever have been.
Sometimes Leo and I experiment with intercourse, trying not only all the positions, but inventing others. We will frequently keep time on how long we make love and how often we both come. One time we did it for three hours without having a break and Leo maintained his erection all that time-attaining orgasm three hours and five minutes after we began. We have found that the more we do it, the better it is and the better we enjoy it and the stronger our sexual organs seem to be. Yes, sex is the game of marriage that keeps us both competing and in love with each other. Because of our marvelous sexual relationship everything else in our marriage is just as wonderful.
CASE 17 Mr. & Mrs. G.
Warren G., age 34. Betty G., age 31.
Warren's Statement:
Betty and I were kids when we were married. I was nineteen and she was sixteen. We admit that we were too young to get married now that we re adults, but because we both are the kind of people that we are, everything worked out okay despite the odds that were against us. We always were mature for our ages, even when we were kids-or so we then thought. But if we had it to do all over again, we would have done the same thing. We were both farm youngsters and we didn't like the isolation and the hard work. I suppose we also longed for the independence of marriage and the freedom it would bring from parental supervision.
I liked school and was graduated from high school when I was sixteen. I was in my senior year at college when I was nineteen when I came home during the Christmas holidays that year and Betty and I met. It was love at first sight and we ran off to get married on the first of January. I was very excited by the sight of her and she was just as attracted to me also. We both admitted we were lonely people and we were frustrated not only in sex but in other things. Betty was not a virgin-she had had relations with a couple of boys and admitted she couldn't help herself because she was always of a very sexy nature. I liked her candid honesty and I confessed to her that I wasn't one to chase after girls-in fact, I wasn't even very popular and I was often very shut out and shy around girls. But with her it was different. We had this chemistry between us as we saw each other those first few days. I felt I knew her all my life just as she felt the same about me.
We didn't have sex together until we were married, although we did masturbate each other. It was thrilling and something I hadn't quite experienced in such intensity before. I had had sexual relations with a few girls before I had met Betty, but none of those episodes were even half as thrilling as the masturbatory ones with Betty. Seeing that I was just as sexy as she was helped her make up her mind when I proposed. We hit it off very nicely and sex was the missing part of life that filled our existence from the wedding night until the present day. After we had several children, two boys and twin girls, I had an operation that rendered me sterile. After that happened, we were no longer worried about incurring pregnancy, therefore sex relations became even more gratifying and intense. Betty especially enjoyed it more and our relations became even greater in frequency and variety than ever before.
We have a big bedroom in our house that we call our private domain into which we lock ourselves every night after the children have been put to bed. We seduce each other in a variety of ways and this adds icing to the cake of love. There are a lot of erotic things that we do to each other in order to heighten our sexual pleasure. At times we will watch TV in the nude and join ourselves sexually and try to watch TV without moving. This requires a great deal of will power and it is amusing to us when one or the other cannot any longer prolong the sex act and must go for an orgasm.
We have a stereo in our bedroom too, and we often play all sorts of rhythmic music to set the beat of lovemaking. We will dance sometimes, and sometimes Betty will dance for me, doing a slow strip. She wears a long negligee and one of those frothy neckpieces which she uses like a burlesque queen. It never fails to excite both of us. She gets a thrill out of arousing me and watching my reaction just as I get a thrill out of watching her and becoming passionate. A lot of our fun is in the unexpected. Sometimes when I come home from my real estate office early in the day, Betty will be there in her chemise, black mesh stockings and black lace panties and bra underneath, expecting me for the matinee. She seems to know when I will come home unexpectedly and is always anticipating what I will do or say. This is not difficult to do because we are so close and frequency can almost sense what the other is thinking.
Another amusing thing we do concerns the records. We have a variety of them-mood music, primitive drum instrumentals, you name it. Each record album is numbered and we have corresponding numbers in a bowl we keep atop the dresser. When we draw a number from the bowl, we put the corresponding record on the stereo. Then we make love according to the mood or style of the record. We have exactly one hundred fifteen records and we also have one hundred fifteen ways of making love to those records. Actually, it was Betty who dreamed up the idea. We both enjoy sex a great deal more because she is so uninhibited, and interested in our happiness. It excites me tremendously to know that she thought up the idea, and it stimulates her equally as much when she knows that I always respond eagerly and enthusiastically.
If we draw a record that has an African beat, Betty and I undress for the part. She will dance around the room and I will follow suit. [We have studied the folk dances of the world's peoples and Betty is quite expert at it so what we do is rather authentic.] According to the mood music we make love, and we move rhythmically, trying to follow every beat with a corresponding gyration or bump and grind. We have developed this technique to such a degree that we can usually reach an orgasm just as the recordings end. If we draw a record that is an enchanting Bolero, one of our favorites, Betty and I dance nude or seminude until the music cues us to make love. I say cue, because nearly every recording we own actually does "cue" us. When an exotic belly dancer record goes on, Betty dons a net-like skirt and imitates a belly dancer while I sit like a sultan, crosslegged, in the center of the floor. We have a wild time and a lot of laughs. We are never bored with each other, and we have the greatest intimate relations together imaginable. We do other things together too, and we are usually just as happy and as congenial then as we are when in the privacy of our bedroom.
Betty's Statement:
Warren says I am really an exhibitionist at heart. I agree. I am. I have a good body and nice legs and breasts and I look like a girl who has never given birth rather than a mother of four; yet, it never fails to give me a tremendous charge when I am able to seduce my husband. I was always interested in dancing and because of that I conceived this idea of making love to my husband by the strains of a romantic song, first enchanting him with my dancing and then rhythmically making love to the beating of the rhythm. I really got the idea once a few years after we were married when Warren and I were having intercourse and the clock radio went on and Frank Sinatra was singing a sexy primitive song. That evening I had a record on the player and was attired in an appropriate getup just to seduce Warren. He came into the bedroom and looked at me and sat down on the bed like a man in a hypnotic trance. I charmed him that night like a snake charmer and was he ever thrilled!
We have made more than a ritual out of our lovemaking sessions. Warren says they are a tradition with us and he says he never ceases to be amazed at what I come up with. We have compartmentalized our marriage deliberately in order to preserve the beauty and youth of it and at the same time maintain good relations with our children without neglecting them. We don't want to neglect them, just as I surely don't want to neglect my husband. We both know that it isn't healthy to be an unloved or neglected child-we know because we were more or less in that same boat and we made up our minds it wouldn't happen to our kids. Shortly after the twins were born Warren and I sat down and had a serious talk. Warren saw that I was neglecting our sex life and spending too much time with the children. He understood what it was to be a busy mother and so forth, and he and I worked out a plan whereby we could always have time for ourselves; so we put a big lock on our bedroom door, carpeted the room, and made it as soundproof as we could. Then we had a boudoir, not just an ordinary bedroom. That made it special and we worked out a schedule: "A time for living and a time for loving," Warren said. We have lived by this schedule ever since, though it isn't exactly what you'd call a schedule. It's more like a way of programmed living, a wonderful, wonderful tradition.
When Warren is especially tired or depressed about business matters, I will then choose a record that will give us a theme for the night that is designed to amuse him or elevate his spirits or whatever I sense he needs. He never knows what I've planned for him that night when he sets foot in our bedroom and that is what is so exciting about our married life together. He looks forward to going up to our room with the same anticipation and delicious sense of appetite or suspense that a man coming home to dinner and smells something good cooking on the stove hurriedly washes up for dinner and sits down at the table. But our game is less fattening!
When a man and a woman are able to have a love life like ours, they are really living! Our friends and acquaintances envy us, but if they only knew the real reason why we are so compatible, then perhaps they would be happy too, just as we are. But they may never know unless they happen to read this statement I have just made, which is the reason I've voluntarily agreed to make it.
"How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways."
-E. B. Browning, Sonnets from the Portuguese
CHAPTER SIX
MORE SEX GAMES PEOPLE PLAY
The infinite variety of ways to derive enjoyment from the love act are unlimited. While one couple may derive pleasure from wrestling playfully on their bedroom floor, another couple may find it equally as enjoying to paint pictures on each others body with lipstick or body paint. The point is that no holds are barred when it comes to varying the ways two people who love each other may make love. Erotic humor often plays a major role in the human sexual relationship, so long as it does not offend and it is in keeping with the individual's tastes. Not infrequently many couples collect bawdy jokes which they reserve to tell to their mates. Other erotic stimuli are also used and when this is employed to heighten the excitement of the game of love, it serves a worthwhile purpose since it furthers the aim of marriage: it binds two people closer together. They share a form of amusement, though sometimes erotic in nature, which they might otherwise deny each other.
All that matters, however, is that the couple should find mutual gratification and appreciation within their relationship. When either one or the other is "afraid" to tell a joke that may be slightly off-color for fear that the marriage partner might disapprove, this is a sure sign that something is awry in that relationship. Inhibitions and restriction of free expression in any form within a marriage is unwholesome and dangerous. Surreptitiousness, suspicion and other degrees of mistrust and fear along these lines often lead to the total breakup of marriage.
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." These lines from Browning are wholesome and worthwhile repeating. But to them should be added these words: "How do I amuse thee? Let me invent more ways!'
CASE 14 Mr. & Mrs. R.
David R., age 28. Frances R., age 26.
David's Statement:
About a year after we were married when I was twenty-two, my wife and I noticed that we were falling into a kind of routine way of living. All of the glamour seemed to be going out of our marriage and I was not joking when I said, "Honey, looks like the honeymoon is over, doesn't it?" Franny looked at me and burst into tears. She had been thinking about that too and was growing apprehensive. We sat down and talked things over and decided that we had ourselves to blame.
I worked six days a week and two evenings a week as a salesman in a clothing store and I was generally too tired to take her out much evenings. When Sundays rolled around I liked to spend the mornings in bed, sleeping. We had sex, naturally. We did it on an average of four times a week. Sometimes we did it more often, and sometimes less often, according to how tired we were, or how Franny felt. Sex had become an important facet of our lives, but it was also becoming very monotonous, doing it the same way all the time. We decided that one of the reasons why we were becoming bored or whatever it was that was annoying us was because we no longer had any fun doing things together. It was one thing to go out with the gang to a party, or to go fishing or boating or bowling, but quite another matter when we went to bed nights and made love. We needed variety in our social fives, so why not have variety in our intimate fives as well? I suggested.
Franny's ears perked up and she laughed. I quickly explained before she got any ideas that I was suggesting that we cheat on each other or something ridiculous like that. "Franny," I said, "the trouble is we don't have any fun anymore having sex relations together. We hop into bed, climb into the same position, and do it the same old way every time. Maybe that's the trouble. Perhaps we ought to do it a different way each time. Perhaps we ought to have fun having sex together. Maybe we ought to make a game out of it. What do you think?"
Franny got the idea and she laughed and asked, "What do we start off doing? Playing spin the bottle? Post office? Pinning the tail on the don-key?"
I laughed and answered, "Sure, why not?" She looked at me as though I had lost my marbles, but she nevertheless went along with the gag just for kicks. Surprisingly enough we did play spin the bottle. We played it sitting on the floor in our living room. Each time the bottle pointed toward Franny, she removed another item of clothing. Each time it pointed at me, I removed my shirt, tie, sox, pants. When we were nude we spun the bottle and whomever it pointed at had to pick out an unusual way to have intercourse. We got a big laugh out of this and almost every time we spun the bottle we wound up exhausted sexually and utterly ecstatic. One of the biggest charges we got out of this procedure was the way we played spin the bottle. Before I could play I had to fold up a dollar bill and put it in the bottle. In two years time the bottle was so stuffed full of money we couldn't squeeze another bill in the neck. We broke it open and counted it. We had five hundred twenty-two dollars. We took that money and treated ourselves to a trip to Las Vegas. Now each year we open the bottle and use the money-our love money-to treat ourselves to a vacation or a color television set or whatever else we want. It's a fantastic way to save money and at the same time make a game out of love.
Another way we play games in our bedroom is by playing post office. This is kind of silly, but Franny likes it so we do it once in awhile. I take off all my clothes and without touching her, except with my penis, I chase her around the house. After I have "stamped" her with my penis, she must remove an article of clothing. When she is nude then I put the mail in her box-without touching her with my hands. This is a riot and our neighbors must think we're nuts because we laugh and carry on so, but what the heck, we love each other and enjoy what we do-besides it's a wonderful way to keep in condition.
Another thing we enjoy doing is playing what we call "pin the tail on the donkey." Franny and I blindfold each other and she stoops over presenting her buttocks to me. I cannot see her of course, but I hear her breathing and I approach her with my erect penis and attempt to enter her vaginally from the rear. It's a gas when you're both blindfolded and more than once we broke lamps, mirrors and articles of furniture. Of course we always kid around this way because it's the best way to unwind our nerves after we've had a pretty strenuous day. We make a game out of intercourse and we always try to do things in a different way and to make it last as long as possible. Sometimes we "go for the record" and try to have numerous orgasms. The most we ever had was fourteen in one twenty-four hour period. That was too much for both of us and we had to rest up for a week afterward, regaining our strength and letting the soreness abate.
When we are in bed together we try a lot of tricks like another game we call "spanky panky." Franny's fanny is a little on the large size and she's kind of self-conscious about me seeing her fanny. I tease her by spanking her and telling her I'll flatten it. She can't take much of that, the spanking, I mean, because it makes her very passionate. She gets very wild and wants me to do it to her backward. We do it occasionally anally, but we prefer vaginally or orally to anything like that.
Frances' Statement:
One year after we were married I was beginning to wonder if David still loved me since he was making love to me very quickly. As soon as he had ejaculated, he would turn over and go to sleep. Many times when we had sex during the first few months of our marriage we would do it for hours and hours and it was like we couldn't get enough of it. But soon the novelty wore off, I suppose, and we kind of got into a rut. I began to get upset because David would make love to me too quickly and that would leave me high and dry and quivering with anticipation. Many times I would have to masturbate myself in order to relieve myself after he had rolled over and gone to sleep. Before we got to that stage David always used to kiss me all over and he would sometimes perform cunnilingus for a long time so I would naturally be all heated up by the time he was ready for coitus. Later, when the novelty wore off, he didn't do that to me much anymore and naturally he would be finished before I was hardly started. I didn't tell him about how I felt because I didn't want to upset him. I knew he was tired after a hard day's work so I attributed his haste and increasing lack of petting and kissing to this reason. It got so that I had to masturbate myself before he came to bed in order to be ready to come when he did. This was very frustrating and I began to get nervous and jittery. It was so taxing that I didn't want him to make love to me because I was unable to go through that kind of an ordeal night after night.
Finally, David said to me one day that the honeymoon was over. I was in a nervous state all that day, and hearing that brought me to tears. He knew he had struck a sore spot in my heart and we sat down together and talked it out. About an hour later, while we were still talking, we wound up on the living room sofa in the most grotesque position you ever did see, having inter course. It was marvelous that way and I had three or four orgasms. He finally had his orgasm and we laid down on the sofa in each other's arms afterward talking. It had been a long time since we had lain together after doing it and I told him so. He said he was wrong and he apologized and promised it would never happen again. He kept his word. It never happened again after that.
We discussed some other things, like how it would be possible to vary our relations and all so we would be able to heighten our enjoyment and make it more full of variety and interesting and exciting. It was silly, we both knew and admitted that, but there was something to it and we promised each other we would try. First, we promised each other that we would have fun doing it together and we both would do everything in our power to invent new and different ways of doing it. We agreed. We would make a game out of sex and we would play it as much as we could. We couldn't afford a lot of other things, like sports, and the theater, and going on cruises and things like that, but we did have each other, and we could have sport in bed without it costing anything we couldn't afford.
Once in awhile we will do it in the bathtub or in the shower just for the heck of it, but usually we always end up in our bed. We have this big wide foam rubber playground of a mattress in our room and we reinforced the springs so it wouldn't make much noise and wouldn't break down when we tossed around on it. That is our greatest fun place in the world and we can do all kinds of enjoyable things making love. One of our favorite games which we do almost every other night is this. David, or I, depending upon whose turn it is or who is more in the mood, blindfolds the other and then gets into a position and then directs the other as to how to either touch my parts to his penis, or for him to enter my parts with his penis. We have a real wild time doing this and when we get into some real way out zany positions, like one I like to do in which I am practically standing on my head with my legs up in the air, we have a time trying to have sex that way. Of course a lot of these nutty positions aren't so good for having a smooth easy session, but at least they get us heated up and all excited and ready for the real thing. We then vary our positions so we can get as comfortable as possible. Usually when I am weary and have had a tough day, I like to be on the bottom. When David is particularly tired, I get on top of him and do it that way. I can always tell when he is tired because his penis isn't quite as hard as it should be. When it is like that I wake him up nice and easy with my tongue. Then I mount him and he loves it when I ride up and down on him. Another way we like to do it is when I am on top of him but with my back turned so he can hold my buttocks when I bounce up and down on him. Sometimes when we are doing it like this we actually change positions without pulling his penis out of my vagina, and without missing a stroke! Love is wonderful, and the games of love we play make our marriage even more wonderful than you'd imagine. What we do we don't believe to be vulgar. We are doing what two people in love do naturally-with each other. We are as one and when we play with each other, we are happy because it's so wonderful-and besides, it doesn't cost anything.
CASE 19 Mr. & Mrs. A.
Fred A., age 33. Karen A., age 33.
Fred's Statement:
Ever since Karen and I have been married we have lost track of the ways we have made love together. I think that the fun we have together, and in particular, the way we enjoy each other all the time is the main reason why we are so happily married. We both have always been sports minded and aviation buffs and when we can fly away together, which is a thing we do at least once a month, we let our hair down so to speak and really have a fling. Other friends of ours we know resort to drink and gambling for their kicks-but with Karen and me it's different because we only need each other in order to get our kicks.
In a way it's because of the manner in which we've been living it up whenever we get away by ourselves that were so much more happier than anyone else we know. We literally get drunk on sex. We go on a sex binge and it's the living end because it's something to look forward to and something we both enjoy doing at least once in awhile.
After we were married a couple of years Karen and I discovered we were in a bind emotionally and our sex life together had become somewhat mundane and uneventful. We both felt that we needed something to charge up our sex batteries, so to speak. But what? we wondered. We were still wondering and talking about that at ten thousand feet one sunny afternoon while flying our Navion cross country when I suddenly got the wild idea to make love to Karen in the cabin of the plane. She started laughing and hasn't stopped since. Neither have I, for that matter, because what we discovered that afternoon was something that we would never stop doing as long as we lived. There was a kind of a thrill about playing around with each other while flying a plane at the same time. We put the ship on automatic pilot and both of us stripped. We made love as if it was our first time. There was something about just the two of us being all alone in the world of the traffic-less sky that seemed to stimulate us to new heights of excitement and desire. The mood was still upon us when we landed and checked into a motel where we intended to stay overnight to attend a flying club meeting. We never went to that meeting. Karen and I were both still high in the clouds with desire and we spent the next eighteen hours in the bedroom together. Neither of us could explain what had happened to us to get us that excited. To this day we can't explain it; but each time we go away, we always find there's a certain kind of magic about us which almost forces us to make love together in the most daring of ways.
One time we went scuba diving and we had intercourse thirty feet below the surface of the ocean off the Florida Keys. We stayed down until our air ran out and made it to the top gasping for breath and struggling to put back on our wet bathing suits.
Another time we went skiing up in Vermont, but we never got farther than the front door of the cabin we rented. It seems that being away from home and off somewhere in a new and different place has a stimulating effect upon us that we cannot exactly analyze and frankly, we couldn't care less about analyzing it because we enjoy ourselves so much that it's something we want to keep intact. In a way we're afraid of analyzing our behavior because we like it this way.
One of the wildest times we ever had was once when we went up to New Hampshire and were way out on a snow covered slope with not a soul around for miles. We both took off our pants and Karen twined her legs around me and we went down the slope on skis, having intercourse wildly at the same time. We ended up in a heap in a snow bank and had an exciting series of orgasms. Karen said it was kind of nutty and I had to agree. She got a thrill out of the snow on her backside and after that we tried it once in awhile while I held some ice cubes against the cheeks of her buttocks. The ice seems to make her excited if I don't hold it in one place too long. We always try to figure out new and more exciting ways to have sex and believe me, it's a challenge. We've done it in the woods in front of campfires, and a couple of times we did it on horseback while riding through the woods. I know that look Karen gets in her eye when I whisper to her that I want her and she looks around us and sees that we are alone in some out of the way spot. That look excites me and we both feel like a couple of kids sneaking it on the side when nobody's looking. Perhaps it's the surreptitiousness of it all that holds such a fascination in this kind of adventuresome sex, but whatever it is, we never cease to thrill each time. Our ambition is to join a skydiver's club and try it while descending in parachutes, but so far we haven't got up enough nerve for that. Besides, there's always the danger that someone on the ground might see us!
Usually, when we are home we have intercourse three to five times a week and sometimes more, according to our mood. We have a wild time together in bed and we always sleep in the raw because we like to and we like to see each other's body in the nude. We often talk about the crazy things we've done sexually and this is one of the private little laugh-abouts that we share so much. The other day Karen and I rented a motorcycle and went for a long drive into the country. She sat on the buddy seat behind me playing with my penis until I got so excited I couldn't keep my mind on the road so I pulled off into some trees and did it to her backward on the motorcycle. It was wild but not very comfortable and when I burned my leg on the exhaust pipe I swore we wouldn't try that anymore. Next time we would bring a blanket and do it on the ground.
All in all I guess we are a couple of sex nuts. But that's better than being alcoholics or some other kind of a nut. Besides, this kind of sexual excitement keeps us young and active and keeps our marriage interesting. The most important thing of all is that Karen and I are deeply in love with each other and we wouldn't trade each other for anyone else in the world.
Karen's Statement:
Fred and I are what you might call thrill seekers. We don't drink or smoke and we don't run around on each other. We love each other and we think alike and enjoy the same things. One of the most exciting things about our marriage is the way we make love. When we're at home we usually do it every night, except when we're both exhausted or when we want to skip a night so we can go hot and heavy the next night instead. Sex means something special to us and it's what keeps us both excited about our marriage because of the things we do together. I'll never forget the first time we discovered that we got an extra special charge out of doing wacky things together, like having sex ten or twelve times in a single day or like the first time we did it in an airplane. There was something exciting from the first day we were married onward until now, every single day of our life together.
Neither of us were ever bored and we always knew instinctively that the time had arrived for a change of pace in our everyday lives. Fred would come home from work and out of the clear blue sky would announce that he was taking a holiday and we were to go up to the mountains skiing, or down to the Florida Keys for fishing and scuba diving, or anywhere else he thought I would like to go. Even during our everyday life he was always full of surprises. He never waited for birth-dates or anniversaries to bring me gifts or flowers. He would surprise me with small gifts of tokens every week of the year, and that was what has made our life so exciting and thrilling-Fred was always full of fun and he could always be depended upon to do the unexpected. I tried to match his ingenuity, but early in our marriage he told me on no uncertain terms that if there was any surprising to be done in our family, he would be the one to do it.
Oh, I have surprised him too, in many small ways; but he is really the champ of them all and that seems to be best for us. That way I don't compete with him, or rather, against him. I love him dearly and I appreciate everything he does, and he knows it, and that's all that matters. When Fred wants me to stand up in the middle of the living room and strip, I strip because I know it thrills him and excites him and because it also thrills me too to see him get all excited.
I'll never forget the time we were up in New Hampshire skiing and Fred got this wild idea that we should both take off our pants and underwear and have sex while skiing downhill. It was certainly ridiculous, but we laughed like a couple of kids and did it anyway. We were alone on that mountainside and it was so thrilling that I didn't seem to feel the cold at all when I threw my arms and legs around him and clung to him as he started skiing downhill. How that man was able to attain an erection in that cold and on skis like that while supporting me with both of his hands on my bare behind I'll never know, but support me he did. It was a thrilling feeling to feel the warmth of his erect phallus burrowing into me as the wind blew against my naked body and his cold hands cupped my bottom. We began to move together as his strong legs supported us on the skis. He didn't look where he was going and the first thing we knew we were whizzing down a steep slope at an increasingly swift rate of speed. Fred had taken the wrong turn. We ended in a snow bank where we both had several orgasms. That was the first time that we realized that ice cold against a woman's buttocks did something to her erotically; at least it so affected me.
Many times after that when we kidded around and reminisced Fred would remind me of that first time on skis and he would drop some ice cubes down my panties or sometimes would even wake me up with a piece of ice applied to my rear. We once did it thirty feet underwater breathing with our scuba gear and that was another fantastic experience. I guess that must've shocked the fish that were swimming around us and looking on. A huge grouper fish nudged up against Fred and goosed him. We had a riotous time afterward, recalling that incident. I think it is the memories of the happy times you have together that you're able to recall and think about that gives two people something to look back upon and laugh over and it's this sort of thing that's meant so much to the both of us.
From time to time we will go to bed on Saturday night and not wear a stitch of clothes or get up until it's time for Fred to go to work Monday morning. We don't go in for weekend orgies like that too often, perhaps six or seven times a year, but when we do, it's really great and it gives us time to really work up the juices in our bodies. We have found that exercise is great, but sexercise is even greater and the more we make love and try all kinds of sex tricks, the greater it is and the better we become at it. Fred is able to maintain his erection as hard as he can make it for as long as we wish because we have always been so agile sexually.
We have watched our friends grow prematurely old and fat before their time and we have stayed slim and youthful, not because we watch our diet or anything such as that, but rather because we keep fit physically-and sexually. Both Fred and I think of ourselves as being fortunate because we never were inhibited by religious or social bugaboos about sex. As far as we were concerned, anything and everything is okay between two people just as long as they are in love and are married. We don't believe in promiscuity, though we both have been around some before we were married. We do believe that a husband and wife should be entirely honest and that they shouldn't cheat on one another. Honestly, if two people are in love and if they are really satisfied with each other, there is no need to cheat and besides, no one else can come along who would have a chance to come between them.
A lot of women have the stupid idea that they should treat sex as a sacred thing only to be engaged in as a last resort to keep their husbands satisfied. They are foolish because that's exactly why so many men cheat-they have nothing to stay loyal to their wives for-they have a perpetual need for sexual gratification and by constant sexual denial they are always susceptible for extramarital affairs. Mistresses and prospecting females on the hunt for other women's husbands wouldn't have a chance if more women felt as I do, that men should be given all the sex they can handle and then some. The way to a man's heart is not through his stomach-it is through sex. I believe this and I don't have to consciously think about it when Fred and I are together. I enjoy the times we have together and I wouldn't swap him for any other man in the world. Tonight I wonder what sex surprise he'll have in store for me! I can barely wait to find out-and that's the gospel.
The excitement of what love has in store is one joy which too few women of today really get to know. They lead lives which are dull and humdrum and rarely have the chance to "live it up a little." Reread the above paragraph and think a moment: isn't this a wonderful way to look forward to every night of married life?
Those who wisely practice the rule of making the most out of life, and living life enjoyable, undoubtedly lead richer and fuller lives. Moreover they are never the ones who end up in the divorce courts. Love conquers all. No truer words were ever uttered-especially by those who live by this credo.
When Venus said, "Spell NO for me,"
"N-O," Dan Cupid wrote with glee, And smiled at his success:
"Ah, Child," said Venus, laughing low, "We women do not spell it so, We spell it Y-E-S."
-Carolyn Wells, The Spelling Lesson
CHAPTER SEVEN
LIKE LIFE IN A SEX PIT
The wise couple who makes a concerted effort to reserve a special time and a special place where they can be alone to enjoy the intimacy of their relationship is rarely dissatisfied with marriage or life in general. To these individuals, life is full of meaning and excitement because they do their best to get what they want. There is something sacred between two individuals who think enough of each other and what they do to take the trouble to devise a comfortable, romantic "love nest" or "sex pit" in which to make love. All too often couples go through life making love under the most adverse circumstances, putting off day after day and year after year the placing of a lock on the bedroom door, or fixing the bedspring that squeaks. Love and the sexual union is important enough to insure the maximum privacy and the minimum discomfort: those who take the trouble to make their boudoir into a proper room get more out of their relations than others who do not. Each facet of lovemaking is important and should be treated and considered accordingly if the most is to be gotten out of life-and love.
When the atmosphere is romantic and conducive to freedom of sexual expression there is less chance for disharmony in marriage. The couple who thinks and discusses this will readily see that love is best in the proper setting.
CASE 46 Mr. & Mrs. E.
George E., age 46. Rita E., age 41.
George's Statement:
Man, there's nothing like life in a sex pit. And when that sex pit is something special you and your wife invented, man, can you turn it on no matter how old you are. This is the way it is between Rita and me. When I turned forty, six years ago-Rita and me, we made up that we wouldn't get older. We would keep it tie way we are today-the way we were then. We needed something new to keep us youthful and I came up with this idea to invent a sex pit just for the two of us. We always were a couple of kooks. We have been married for eighteen years and that didn't make us into a couple of squares because we didn't dig that way of living. Life is too rough for anybody these days to be carefree and footloose all the time. You gotta buckle down and turn the sod. I'm what a lot of people would call a music teacher. I teach music to kids and folks who want to learn to play musical instruments. Most of them are squares. A lot of them are not. It is the ones who are not squares I dig the most. When Rita and I go out for a night on the town we cruise all the hip joints and the coffee houses. We don't like to get kite high on alkie or hemp-we prefer our high flying excursions with natural juices-sex. What I mean is that we both turn each other on sexually rather than falsely with drugs or alcohol, know what I mean?
Rita and I have mingled with the show biz crowd and the hippies for years. We like their kind of people and we dig the kids too, but we like regular people the most. We used to have all kinds of good times together when we were first married, but when the kids came, we devoted our lives more or less to bringing them up, sending them to fine schools and so forth. We left off that good life when our daughter got married and our son went to college. We sold the old homestead in Connecticut and moved to big town where most of my pupils lived anyway. Suddenly one day Rita looks at me and I look at her and we realize that we aren't doing what we said we'd do.
We promised each other this had to stop. I was becoming too engrossed in my work again and she was taking her painting too seriously. It was one thing to work because you have to, but a different matter when you worked and forgot about enjoying yourself. Rita and I used to run around a lot with the gang when we lived out of state. But now that we had become two more of the home-townites with eight million fellow hometowners, it had lost a little of its glamour. Besides, most of the crowd we used to run with split for other parts and all that were left were the pseudo-hippies and a lot of kids who were young enough to be our children. We knew the Village from the days of Max Bodenheim and the others, but they aren't around anymore and we had to face the reality of reality. What did we have? we examined each other's mind. All that really mattered was ourselves. We couldn't give up on that and besides, we didn't want to. Rita looks as sexy and groovy today as she did twenty years ago. She says the same about me. But the libido was hung over and we weren't getting enough balling, if you know what I mean. Was this because we were tired of each other and we needed new kicks? Or was this because we were getting older? The latter question was unthinkable. Like the man says, you are what you think you are. And we sure as hell didn't want to think old and middle-aged because that's the beginning of the end. Rita agreed. Let's think young and think sex.
The first step we took was the creation of a sex pit in our flat. We made up Rita's art studio into a pad to end them all. We painted the walls red. We got a six by six mattress and put it in a corner and stacked up all kinds and shapes of pillows and then we hung up some mirrors, red ones, blue ones, and crystal ones that permitted us to see each other from every conceivable angle. Above the bed we installed a hifi and for the finishing touch we threw some rugs around that you can sink in up to your ankles. When the red light was on the room was positively the most as far as sex pits go. Neither of us could bear waiting until it was finished. Rita put on this long negligee and high heels and she lit a couple of candles on the cocktail table we had moved next to the bed. I came in wearing nothing but my robe. She kissed me and danced away, twirling around the room to the rhythm of the music. I sat down crosslegged on the floor bed and opened a chilled bottle of champagne I had bought for the christening. We drank and toasted each other and then we made love in the craziest way. We did things to each other we hadn't done for years. We tried positions we hadn't tried for years. Doing it on that huge mattress without any springs underneath was great and it was exciting. The sight of ourselves nude in the colored mirrors heightened our pleasure.
The next night we slept in our regular bedroom. But there was a new kind of relationship between us now. We had twin beds. We always had them. But the fact that we had a big sex bed in the studio sort of excited us as no other thing had ever excited us before. We made up that we'd only make love in the sex pit, and wouldn't do it in the regular bedroom unless there were some extenuating circumstances which forced it. When I was in the mood for love, it was up to me to seduce Rita and lure her into the pit. When she was in the mood, it was up to her to lure me there. Thus it became a game of love. I found myself deliberately trying to stave off her amorous attentions and her attempts to seduce me and when she was on the passive side, she played hard to get when I worked my wiles on her trying to lure her into the pit. This brought a new challenge, a new excitement to our marriage and needless to say for the first time since we had been married, a whole new life began for us. We no longer found sex relations to be boring or lacking in kicks. When we entered the sex pit everything was changed. We left everything behind us. No cares or worries could enter that room. To be sure, this new approach to living and loving rejuvenated both of us.
Rita's Statement:
George and I added a new lease on our sex life when we took inventory of our marriage and decided that we needed some new approach to sexual happiness. Now that the children were grown and out of the house we realized that we had to perk up our lives if we were to remain youthful and happy. We had a great many friends who were no longer young or happy and we knew that this was because they had allowed boredom and routine to take the place of diversity and excitement. When the canvas is wiped clean all that is left is man and woman and it is up to them to add color to their lives. We decided that wouldn't happen to us. We had to live and we wanted to live and the only way to keep on having the kicks of life in a marriage was to do the kicking. So when George came up with this sex pit idea, at first I thought he was entering his second childhood. But as the idea crept up on me I began to see it his way and little by little as we prepared that room the idea became something way out and special. I could barely wait until we tried the room out and to my surprise it was more than I had imagined, for something had happened between ourselves that actually rejuvenated our psyches. No fooling, I felt like a girl again and even as I prepared myself after my shower with a long negligee and make up there was a kind of romance to it all that I had long since forgotten the feel of or the sensation of. When George walked in, that boyish grin on his face, his body wrapped in the robe, his skin ruddy and glowing from the shower, my flesh tingled with anticipation. In the glow of candlelight and that dim red bulb we could see each other reflected in the mirrors and it stirred me as no other memory of our love had ever stirred me before. I let him take me in his arms and I eagerly wanted him to use me and love me and abuse me and do whatever he wanted to do with me. As his passion flamed, so did mine. The feel of that hard mattress under us and the new silk sheets did something to me that I cannot describe. It was like finding myself and my husband all over again.
We had both become bored with each other, to admit the truth of it all and that sex pit idea was the one thing that prevented us from drifting apart. The fact that we rediscovered each other in that rather novel way opened both our eyes to the truth-we needed variety and we needed more fun out of life. When you've done it all before and you become blase and indifferent, that spells the beginning of the end and life begins to lose its zest and flavor-but when you reinvigorate your tastes and make an effort to delve into the whys and wherefores of life you find that it all boils down to one thing: all a man and a woman have is each other and it is up to them to make the most out of that.
Sexually, I was always rather active and so was and is George. But being a semiprofessional artist, I often worked with live models and some of the young men who posed for me, often nude, stirred my libido. Yes, I was excited by the sight of the naked penis and more than once I was tempted to seduce my models. I admitted this to George and he confessed that he had the same feelings about some of his music pupils. He told me in all sincerity that he didn't want to be unfaithful to me and I told him that I didn't want to be unfaithful to him. We toyed with the idea of improving our own sexual relationship but didn't quite know how to go about doing it. But when George came up with the sex pit idea that changed a lot of things. We both had led rather vigorous sex lives together, but we had never really exhausted or even explored our potentials. The sex pit enabled us to do that for the first time.
The next day I was finishing a painting for which a handsome young man was sitting in the nude and I suddenly realized that George's idea had worked! I could look at the young man in all his lithe muscled glory and see him not with desire in my eyes, but with insight. George, my dear husband, had left me entirely and comfortably gratified sexually and I had no desire nor need to entertain the idea of sex with the male model. That evening I told him this and when we made love again we talked about how we were now able to find new interests in each other. He asked me how I would have liked the young man to do it to me and I told him. George laughingly pretended he was that young man and he even walked naked to the unfinished painting and assumed the pose the model had struck. I went over to him and felt his muscles and slowly caressed him. He feigned indifference, though his organ attained an immense erection. I led him over to the bed and he once again assumed the pose which was that of a discus hurler in a forward crouch. He held the pose and I felt his body all over and whispered the things I was thinking of doing. Then I got down on my hands and knees and raised my lips to his member and at that instant, when my tongue flicked over the length of it, he went rigid and ejaculated. We had discovered something new and different! Because we were both creative and imaginative people, we could use our imaginations to stimulate ourselves to new heights of excitement sexually. As soon as George had finished ejaculating, he performed the same act on me and brought me to orgasm too. Instead of leaving us limp and drained the experience actually inspired us to even greater desire and we spent die rest of that evening in a virtual orgy of passion.
Since then whenever George feels stimulated by an attractive woman he has seen, or whenever I feel the same about some handsome man I have seen, we will play act together and do what we think the other person might have done. We know this is somewhat way out for most people, but with us it's a fantastically stimulating experience and in this fashion whenever we have the wish to have sex with another, we get rid of that wish through our imaginations.
George and I read a book once that explained this sort of thing and we both agreed that there was something to it. We both had frequently masturbated when we were kids and as everyone knows, the act of masturbation usually cannot be performed without some form of mental imagery. In a way we were play acting and being promiscuous only in our minds while in reality, we were constant and true and anything but promiscuous.
Another game we often play is that of seduction. I have found the secret of the appetizer works best when I hint to George that I don't wish to make love that night. "No, darling," I'll tell him in a roundabout fashion, "I'm not up to it tonight. Can't we put if off until tomorrow?"
The magic of the word no never fails to work a miracle. When George hears me say something like that to him he rises to the challenge. Now he realizes it is up to him to covet me and entice me into the sex pit. Once he has me in there, all systems go. The same with me. Once I lure him into the pit, the ground rules are that he cannot leave until I have made him do what I wanted him to do. It's a plan that never ceases to work wonders and the both of us are happier and a better husband and wife because of it.
CASE 39 Mr. & Mrs. H.
Jack H., age 40. Ann H., age 38.
Jack's Statement:
After almost twenty years of marriage I had reached my wit's end. My wife Ann still remained somewhat inhibited and frigid and she still complained that she did not enjoy intercourse and did not wish to participate in oral-genital relations. My problem was what to do about it. Should I give up and divorce her? Should I attempt to take her to a psychiatrist in hopes that that might bring her around? Or should I take a mistress and accept the fact that Ann would never turn out to be a sexy wife and let it go at that?
I decided that I didn't want to divorce her because I still loved her. I also decided that I didn't want to take a mistress, though I have had occasional affairs and on several business trips out of town had had prostitutes, so that wasn't what I wanted either. That left the psychiatrist. When I brought it up, Ann wouldn't hear of it. She became furious and said that if anyone needed psychotherapy or analysis, it was me and not her. She said she was perfectly well adjusted sexually and it was I who was maladjusted and oversexed. Nothing I could do or say seemed to bring her around or alter her somewhat myopic opinion. What was I to do? Would the rest of our life together be as sexually unstimulating and frustrating as it had been during the first nineteen years? That was a good question which was deserving of an answer, but where was I to find such an answer?
I explored every idea there was to explore, trying to recall what could be responsible for Ann's reticence about sex. She was prudish and rather juvenile at times in her attitude toward sexual relations. She never admitted that she felt the need of sex and always said that she did not have any feeling, except a numbness in her organs. She had been brought up in an average middle class home and had not received too strict a moral upbringing. Her friends were liberal and outspoken and oftentimes they said things that embarrassed Ann, causing her to color when they told some risque jokes and so forth. I couldn't understand how she got that way and why she still clung to those childish inhibitions. She actually seemed afraid of me and she often begged me in a plaintive voice not to hurt her and to be gentle with her.
Once I recalled how she had told me about a secret fear she had had when she was a little girl. She overheard another little girl telling her mother how she had been raped after being molested by a man. The little girl had graphically described the rape act. This had made an indelible impression upon Ann. I laughed it off when she told me about it, but she didn't seem amused or relieved. In retrospect, as I pondered my wife's reaction, I realized that perhaps that girlhood fear of being raped had something to do with her present day inhibitions.
When we were married we confessed everything to each other and I admitted that I had often masturbated. But Ann denied that she had ever masturbated. In fact she made a point out of asserting that she didn't do that, never did it, and thought that any girl who did it was a pervert! One day I casually asked Ann if she still had the old fear about being raped. She cast her eyes down and turned crimson with embarrassment. I nonchalantly urged her to tell me about the little girl who she had once known who had been the rape victim. She told me in a voice that gradually became animated through emotion. She also told me where the crime had taken place, in the municipal park not far from the zoo at a place we both knew. I recalled earlier days, when we had dated, when we had walked in the park and I remembered how Ann had always trembled when we approached that vicinity and had asked to go another way. Now it all dawned on me-perhaps her fears were in some way related to that childhood fear of rape. I decided to try something. I remembered once when I was a boy when my father pushed me off a pier and told me that that was the best way for me to learn how to swim. I nearly drowned that day, but I learned to swim, and was I ever proud!
A few days later I took Ann for a drive through the park. We hadn't been there for ages. We parked and began to stroll toward the zoo taking a path that was rather secluded and out of the way. It was early spring and the winter chill was still in the air, but we were both dressed warmly and didn't mind. Just as we reached the vicinity where I supposed the rape of that little girl had occurred so many years before, I watched Ann out of the corner of an eye. She seemed apprehensive. She looked around us and when we reached a rather secluded portion of the walk which led toward a grove of trees further ahead of us on the hillside, Ann's fingers dug into my arm through the sweater. I glanced around and saw that we were very much alone. That time of year the park was still deserted. Ahead of us was a secluded clump of small trees. I put my arm around Ann and held her fast and drew her toward it. She went rigid with fright as we left the walk. She stared up at me and gasped, "Where are you taking me? Jack, what are you doing?"
I grinned at her and roughly yanked her into the trees. "I'm in the mood to rape you, Ann."
"You wouldn't dare!"
I laughed and grabbed her arms and pulled her down to the ground, pinning her arms behind her and forcing her legs apart with my free hand and my legs. She laughed and cried at the same time as she struggled fiercely. Nevertheless I pushed her dress up and grabbed the waistband of her panties and ripped it down. The thin material tore as I stripped it off her. She screamed once and I silenced her with a kiss, then when she bit me, I grabbed her by the hair and held fast and tight so that when she moved the tears came to her eyes. Then I mounted her and opened my pants and removed my penis. When she saw it she moaned and fainted. Her eyes rolled up in the back of her head. I waited a moment and slapped her cheeks and she revived, but now her face had become flushed and she was breathing hard. As soon as I placed my penis against her she gasped and rose up, arching her hips toward me, jerking her pelvis. Then I knew I no longer had to hold her. She tore at me, digging her nails into my back and raking my flesh. She dug her heels into the backs of my thighs and I used her as roughly as I dared. In a few moments she stiffened and went into the spasm of orgasm and her eyes rolled up in the back of her head and I could only see the whites of them as she fainted dead away.
We lay together in each other's arms afterward. I kissed her and reasserted my love for her. She returned my kisses and wept freely, confessing that I had just done to her that which she had always wanted to be done to her. A few weeks later she admitted that she had often masturbated as a child and had used the fancy of being raped as an aid to her masturbation. She had acquired some guilt over her masturbatory habits and had been unable to overcome it until I had made her face reality and had raped her.
I alleviated her guilt somewhat by confessing that I too had often masturbated and dreamed the daydreams of raping a girl, namely her. She always got excited whenever I told her this and I would approach her like a rapist. This worked wonders with her response to me and before too long she was not only responding to me with regular orgasms, but as well was approaching me aggressively, attempting to "rape" me also. We have learned that this repressed feeling when released in the love embrace is the magic wand that turns us both on. We can be driving downtown to a movie or going to visit friends or relatives when I can arouse her simply by saying that when we leave "I'm going to grab you and you to death" or something of that sort. The use of obscene words surely helps too because of the very forbidden nature of them. Although Ann only recently agreed to visit a psychiatrist for analysis, she now admits that she learned to enjoy sex that day I threw her down on the ground and raped her.
Ann's Statement:
The most difficult thing I had to learn about myself was the art of admitting the truth. My relations with Jack have always been fair to middling, but my sex relations were atrocious because I had these awful inhibitions which I somehow couldn't overcome. I had a lot of guilt feelings about my early masturbatory habits and I suppose that had a lot to do with it. I had listened avidly to the little girl I knew who had been raped and frankly it excited me when she told me how she had seen the rapist's organ become stiff and red and press against her before going inside. I masturbated myself, dreaming and wishing [only in my mind of course to help the masturbation along] that I would be raped too. Later, when older and started going out with boys and a lot of them tried to touch me down there, I would freeze up and make them let me alone and later, when I was in bed, I would masturbate and wish I had let them touch me. One time I was out with a boy who had a very large organ, actually it was the first I had ever seen. I saw it when we parked and he kissed me and then tried to get me to touch his thing and masturbate it. I wasn't scared at all and I wanted to play with it but I couldn't bring myself to do so and I couldn't look at him, though I did sneak several good looks at it. That night and for many months afterward I masturbated nearly every night and I wished that that fellow would have ripped my clothes off and raped me. I felt guilty and ashamed about my secret wishes and I got so that I couldn't look that boy in the face again because I was very upset and didn't understand my own mixed feelings.
When Jack and I started going together I only let him go as far as feeling my breasts and thighs. I went to a party once with him where the boys drank beer. He had several and so did I and that night on the way home we parked and I touched his penis for the first time. It was the first time I had ever touched a man's penis and I was amazed at how silky smooth it felt and yet it was so stiff and warm. I masturbated thinking about that and later when Jack and I were engaged, I did let him touch me between my legs, but I made him take his hand away because I could feel myself getting ready to come and I didn't want him to feel how excited and wet I was. I had some silly idea that a girl should conceal her sensations from a boy and I suppose that was what made me so frigid toward him later after we were married. I was always afraid of sex and I couldn't get any real enjoyment out of intercourse because I was unconsciously so guilty about my masturbatory habits. Even after we were married I continued to masturbate. After Jack would do it to me and he was asleep, I would titillate my clitoris with my fingers and would have an orgasm right away. As the years went by I kept wishing that Jack would someday rape me and hurt me but I was too afraid to confess that to him. We always argued a lot about sex and I tried to deny him because I just didn't enjoy it. I couldn't bring myself to let myself go. It was very odd how he finally fingered the trouble and took me out to the park. He raped me and I never enjoyed anything so much in all my life and for the first time since we had been married, I had an orgasm with him that was really complete. I had begun to think that because I had masturbated so much I had robbed myself of the ability to have an orgasm with my husband. This was another thing that occurred to me later, when I got some sense and understanding about what was making me so darned frigid. We got married at an early age and I used to attribute most of my. difficulties to this; but now I know different-nothing could be more ridiculous.
Many times we excite each other by whispering "threats" to each other, priming the pump, telling each other of all the things we're going to do. This is terribly thrilling and I can hardly wait to be alone with Jack when we start telling each other things like that. I sometimes take his penis in my hand and play with it while were driving somewhere and I tell him the things I want to do. That's all it takes to arouse him to intense new heights of ecstasy.
I like to come at him like I'm a bitch in heat or a wild woman and he goes absolutely wild when I do that. It's the way I get all worked up when he pretends he's going to rape me and he gets rough with me. I like him to rip off my clothes and take me in the roughest manner he can. While he is doing that I call him names and he calls me names. But as soon as he enters me we both cry out the dirtiest words we know and that is something else again that really drives us wild. He likes me to do all sorts of harlot things with him, like playing with his penis until it ejaculates all over my breasts, or to squat over his face and grip his head between my thighs.
The amazing thing is that I never dared do anything like we now do before he threw me on the ground that day in the park and raped me. It was as if he had penetrated through the wall of inhibitions which I had built around myself and had brought me out into the light of day. I never dreamed that sex with Jack-or any other man for that matter-could be that exciting and fulfilling and thrilling. Of course, we don't always go at each other like a pair of rutting wild animals. Most of the time when we have intercourse it's a true love act. I am now able to respond to him in a variety of different ways according to our mood. If we are affectionate and tender and loving, we end up in a true lover's embrace. At times when we feel devilish and impish we will taunt each other with sexual threats that are enough to shock even the most seasoned prostitutes and libertines. But no matter what the mood, the point is that we have found each other and it has taken us both a long time to crossover and reach each other. I hate to think that we had taken almost twenty years to reach this stage in our life, but now it's worth it because we're really making up for lost time!
Again it is important to reiterate the fact that one mans cup of tea is another mans poison. While the degree and the variety or style of love practice may suit some individuals it may be totally unacceptable to others. The case histories in this chapter, and the book as a whole, cite merely those practices in which the principals indulge. It goes without saying that not everyone has the same taste or preferences and therefore it should not be construed that all the practices cited in this work are recommended for the reader. As always a better understanding of the nature of and the varieties of sexual tastes leads to a better understanding of one's own libidinal needs.
"Love, then, hath every bliss in store;
"Tis friendship, and 'tis something more.
Each other every wish they give;
Not to know love is not to live."
-Gay-Plutus, Cupid and Time
CHAPTER EIGHT
CREATIVE SEX AND ITS INFINITE VARIETIES
The following comments and explanations are excerpts from numerous case histories which describe in detail the varied positions of coitus. In the majority of cases when positions were attempted other than those customarily used the individuals discovered newer and better ways of obtaining gratification. In a few of the cases the individuals actually felt that the new and different positions enabled them to attain orgasm where such was not possible prior to experimentation. Of these case histories, a large number [better than twenty-five percent] of the principals felt that had they not found satisfaction in the new position they would have eventually divorced their mates.
THE MAN ABOVE POSITION
CASE 871
"I found that when my husband was above me it was sometimes hard for me to achieve an orgasm. Then one day I drew my legs up with my knees almost touching my breasts and the position was so stimulating that I had several powerful orgasms. The penetration of my husband's penis was deeper and it as well gave him more of a thrill. I discovered that my clitoris was better able to make contact with his penis and this intensified my feeling. I must admit that it took me nearly fifteen years of married life to finally adjust myself to this position and it was the best that ever happened to me. Now every time I am able to come with my husband and simply by lowering my legs I can keep myself back until he is ready.
"I found that when I was pregnant the position was painful so we varied it and my husband did not thrust so deeply. We laid on our sides facing each other so his weight wasn't on my abdomen."
CASE 912
"I like to put a pillow under my hips so my pelvis is raised in order to permit a deeper thrust of my husband's penis. It took me a couple of years to figure out why I wasn't getting the most enjoyment out of our love-making. Before I knew what I know now about sex, I had begun to believe that I just wasn't sexy and I couldn't have an orgasm. Now I am able to get an orgasm every time and we never go to bed unless I first put a pillow under my backside."
CASE 1019
"I was in such pain when we were first married that I was on the verge of divorcing my husband because we weren't compatible-I mean, his penis was just too large for me. But fortunately we discovered that if I extended my legs and my husband laid down on top of me and with his legs around mine he could enter me without causing me any pain and it would feel great without penetrating me too deeply. We only make love with my legs closed between his and I'm not ashamed to admit it, but I'm happy now and it doesn't kill me to do it any more."
CASE 1716
"I like to get on top of my wife and make love to her with my legs clasping both of hers between mine. That way I feel my testicles clutched between her legs and there is a greater feeling of pleasant sensation when I penetrate her since her vagina tightly holds my penis and her thighs also cause it enough friction to heighten the enjoyment and feeling."
CASE 1590
"My wife has a big vagina and I couldn't get any feeling when we had intercourse. When we tried making love with her legs closed between mine it was better. Now that's the only way we do it. Not only is it more enjoyable for me, but my wife is also able to reach an orgasm since my penis slides up and down between her mons and stimulates her clitoris."
"Truthfully, I was thinking of divorcing my wife before we discovered this position. I thought she was too big for me and I couldn't see being married to her the rest of my life and never getting any sex satisfaction. Besides that, it made me feel inadequate and very small to try to stimulate her and never feel any sensation. It got so, before we discovered that position, that I couldn't attain an orgasm without a lot of difficulty."
CASE 1681
"We were married for six months and we didn't have full penetration because my bride was a virgin and it hurt her. When we tried it with her legs together and me on top of her, that enabled me to penetrate her and stimulate her at the same time without causing her a lot of anguish. Thanks to the marriage counselor who suggested that position, otherwise we would have gone our separate ways."
CASE 853
"Many times when my husband is worried or exhausted and we have intercourse I clasp my legs together between his and that way I can hold his penis inside me, even though it may be slightly soft and not fully erect. We both achieve orgasm this way and we go to sleep in each other's arms afterward. It's certainly the most satisfactory way for us when he doesn't have a particularly stiff erection."
CASE 1217
"When we tried it with my wife sitting on the edge of the bed or even on the dresser and with me standing between her parted legs I told her that for the first time I really felt the same intensity of sensation that I had felt with my first wife and so was gratified. My wife and I are a little on the plump side and we rarely had enjoyable relations until we tried it that way. I can thrust all the way up in her and she gets the full benefit of my penis too."
THE WOMAN ABOVE POSITION
CASE 903
"I stupidly thought it was obscene for a woman to be on top of the man. But when my wife said she was sick and tired of being sexually frustrated after I had had an orgasm and she didn't, she mounted me straddling my penis and it was so exciting that I not only maintained my erection, but also got aroused to ejaculation again. The sight of seeing her beautiful body and her breasts bouncing as she moved on top of me was very stimulating. She does it that way all the time and she told me that if I wouldn't have let her take her satisfaction she would have taken a lover and cheated on me if I didn't. We had been married ten years and I never once varied from the old fashioned way. Now I kick myself for having been so stupid."
CASE 904
"Truthfully, I was about to cheat on my husband if he didn't satisfy me. I had been taking tranquilizers and whatnot to offset my frustration. For ten years I had rarely achieved orgasm and it was wreaking havoc with my nerves. The doctor told me that I would have to take the initiative-or else take a lover, though he said that jokingly. I did just that and I climbed on top of my husband and now he just lays there and I am able to move freely. I always get the maximum enjoyment now and the thought of taking a lover never enters my mind anymore. I like the way I can feel his penis way up inside me and I like to roll my hips and press down on him from side to side and all around because that way, by plunging my body, and if he draws his legs up or holds me under the cheeks of my buttocks, I can get the biggest thrill ever. My clitoris and the mouth of my vagina are in contact with him that way and I can vary or regulate my movements with ease. He likes it better that way too because it is less effort for him and also because my vagina swallows his penis entirely. He plays with my breasts and this adds to our excitement."
CASE 557
"For variety I like to straddle my husband sitting with my back to him. Then I lay back and we continue our movements while his hands are free to simultaneously fondle my breasts and clitoris. He has a very large organ and this is the only way I can control it so he doesn't hurt me and interfere with my own pleasure."
CASE 519
"We change off once in awhile and do it seated, with my wife straddling me in the chair, her arms around my neck. I can control her movements easily and she likes it like that, especially when she can rest her feet on the floor when we are on a low chair. I sawed the legs off an old boudoir chair and it's just perfect for this. We often do it like that and especially when we're in a playful romantic mood."
CASE 520
"I get the biggest excitement whenever we do it on a chair in our bedroom. It is a low chair and my husband sits in it and I sit on his lap with my legs on either side of him. I put my arms around his neck and we kiss and fondle each other for awhile. Then I crouch and ease myself down on him. He spreads his legs and holds my buttocks and we are both exposed enough to achieve the greatest pleasure ever when we do it in this position."
CASE 133
"One time my wife and I tried it sitting on a chair with her back to me. She sat down on my lap and leaned forward with her hands on her knees as I guided my penis into her vagina. It was different that way and quite pleasurable, but she prefers it face-to-face."
CASE 694
"I like to sit down backward on my husband's penis and take him that way. Somehow when my buttocks are rubbing against his stomach and his penis enters me that way it affords me much greater stimulation and I achieve a powerful orgasm. I like him to do it to me backward when I am kneeling or when we are laying on our sides in bed. For variety I like to sit down on him though because that sensation is the greatest of all the variations for me."
CASE 774
"My wife and I work together and sometimes on the lunch hour when were in a devilish mood we'll have a standing up quickie. My wife leans against the desk [after I locked the door so no one would walk in on us] and I stand against her. That way we have a great time. Sometimes we vary it by me standing behind her as she bends forward and leans over a desk or counter. Her buttocks part nicely that way and I can plunge deeply into her. It's surprising how fast we both have an orgasm that way doing it on the sly."
CASE 291
"I work in a dress shop and sometimes on the lunch hour my husband comes over and we lock the front door and go into one of the dressing booths. I take off my pants and get on the chair on my knees, my buttocks toward him, leaning over the back of the chair. He enters me this way and it's really a great intense feeling, especially when we can see each other in the mirrors of the dressing room. We both have a quick orgasm, then we wash up and go out to lunch together afterward. We like the rear entry position so well we often do it in bed at home that way too. It's not so strenuous and it doesn't seem to tire us both out as much as doing it in other positions does."
CASE 1803
"More than one cold morning I wake up in my husband's arms facing him with my legs around his thighs while laying on my side. We do it that way nice and easy and it's almost effortless. I can regulate my movements and I like it when he holds me against him. I really feel loved and possessed when he holds me and makes love to me like that."
CASE 732
"I never enjoyed sex with my husband until one day when he had me lay on my side with my buttocks toward him and he entered me that way. When he holds my hips and drives his penis in and out of me I can bend my body accordingly and it gives me pleasure now instead of pain because my buttocks seem to cushion the shock or at least keep him from entering me too deeply. It is easy on me that way and I also seem to derive some kind of erotic satisfaction out of it, especially when he caresses my breasts at the same time. We vary it by sometimes shifting our bodies slightly. I draw my leg up and he lays between them, fondling my clitoris as he does it."
The positions of intercourse are many and varied. Those which have been presented here have been cited in the words of those who have been interviewed deliberately so the descriptions are in easy-to-understand language. There is nothing strange, sordid, mystical or unusual about any of these positions. All that matters is that they are very human and are practices which other humans employ. Those who would deny mention of such facts are undoubtedly prudes who still have not outgrown the false ideals known to the Victorian age. In today's modern world honesty is the most important virtue-and in this work we are attempting to present all facets of the techniques of sex and love in an honest fashion. What can be more honest than the actual words of real live people who describe-in their own words-the way they achieve the marital happiness and sexual harmony that rounds out their own personal lives?
"They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake."
Pope, Wife of Bath
CHAPTER NINE
THE GAME OF "LET'S SUPPOSE WE CHEAT A LITTLE ON EACH OTHERS
The average lay person understands very little about the role imagination plays on the mind-especially the erotic aspects of imagination. Not infrequently individuals need more than just mere kisses and caresses to stimulate themselves sexually. They require verbal stimulation as well. The woman who wants to be told and reassured again and again that her husband loves her is one such individual.
But the other type of individual, the one who depicts erotic situations in his or her mind, that person is least understood by others, and quite frequently, his or her mate. To these people, the very height of erotic stimulation is achieved only when their imaginations are appealed to. The woman who takes especial delight in teasing her husband with false stories about her flirtations or even hinted at infidelities, is doing so because she derives a degree of erotic stimulation from the inventing of, or the telling of such tales. On the other hand, the man who delights in taunting his wife with such tales, or who delights in listening to them, is also deriving satisfaction, however dubious, from this. There is a great deal of scientifically couched language to describe these quirks of the human mind, nevertheless enough individuals have them to warrant some discussion-without a great deal of whys and wherefores. In a sense this admittedly is a form of voyeurism or exhibitionism. But whatever it is, what is of tantamount importance is the fact that the libidinal urge often seeks verbalization in its many and various forms in order to derive the maximum fulfillment of the sex act. On the other hand there are those who carry the imaginative erotic scenes out to great degree and in many forms. According to the dictates of the individuals own mind-and conscience-we now present some rather unusual, if not highly entertaining, vagaries in the ways of sex fun and games.
CASE 43 Mr. & Mrs. N.
Paul N., age 36. Joan N., age 26.
Paul's Statement:
Joan and I have been married for six years now. We have the same interests and the same tastes and the same friends so we have a great deal in common. But what is really great about our marriage is that all during this wonderful time we have attained a relationship that few other couples have got. Were both compatible in everything we do and especially in sex. We have found that we are easily aroused sexually when we talk about erotic things and discuss all sorts of way out ways of having sex. Perhaps one of the main sources of excitement we go for satisfies us in more than just a sexual way. I don't think many other people have tried it, but I'll bet that a lot of others have wondered about it and wished they could do what we do. Actually, what we do is use our imaginations to increase our sex attraction for each other. The first time we did it, a year or so after we were married, we realized that it was an exciting game and one that we would have to play often. Before I settled down and went into sales work I had tried my luck with some small success as a professional actor. I met Joan in the theatre and we were married on the day the play we were in closed because of bad reviews.
Since we had both had our fling in the show business world and had been unsuccessful at it, we hoped that at least we could make a success of marriage. It was this attitude more than any other that perhaps contributed so much to the success of our marriage and our happiness. As time went by and we got used to each other and the novelty of being married wore off we felt the need of some other kind of excitement to whet our appetites for each other and to preserve our relationship. We sensed it rather than spoke about it and we both were in there trying when one day Joan remarked, "Honey, how would you go about picking up another woman and then seducing her if I were out of town?"
"I wouldn't do such a thing!" I said, a little annoyed at her candor, and at the same time a little puzzled over the reason for the remark.
She laughed and said, "I know you wouldn't do it, but just suppose. What would you do?"
I grinned and thought and shrugged. She looked at me and giggled and then suggested, "Suppose after work today you drop into the Stagedoor Lounge like we used to back in the good old days. Suppose you go there because I happen to be out of town visiting my mother. And just suppose there's a cute little blonde sitting at the bar all by her lonesome and you happen to be attracted to her-what would you do?"
I got the idea. I laughed. "When did you say you were leaving town?"
That evening after I left the office I dropped into the Stagedoor Lounge just as Joan had suggested. At first when I looked around I didn't see her. But then my pulse quickened and I recognized Joan's pert way of sitting on a bar stool. But the woman sitting there didn't look at all like my Joan. For one thing, Joan was brunette and the girl was blonde. For another thing, Joan didn't own any clothes like the ones the girl was wearing. And finally, the girl's face, while slightly reminiscent of my wife's, wasn't Joan's face either! I drifted over to the girl and sidled onto a barstool beside her. I ordered a drink and grinned at her. She pretended to be aloof. She averted her face and puffed on a cigarette which was in a long holder. This was not my wife. Joan didn't smoke. After a while I managed to talk to the girl. We began to converse like a typical pair of strangers. I knew it was Joan, but yet I didn't know it was her for certain and this was a new twist, a new element of mystery and intrigue and excitement that piqued my ego and erotic nature fiercely. I was all for it!
As I went through the motions of picking her up, Joan went through the motions of allowing me to do so, pretending she was amused and alternately interested in me. We went out to dinner afterward and then I invited her up to my apartment.
"You live alone?" she asked.
"No. My sister lives with me."
"Is she home now?"
"No, she's out of town."
"How cozy," she laughed, taking me by the arm and eagerly walking into the apartment house beside me. "Do you do this often-bring strange women up to your apartment?"
"No, just when I meet someone alluring and beautiful like you."
And so the banter went. We had a merry time of it. We had a few more cocktails in the apartment and then we began to neck. It was strange, attempting to seduce a woman who was as familiar to me as my own body was and yet, who was made up to look like someone else, someone strange. We laughed and joked and before long ended up in the bedroom. Joan struggled to keep me at arms' length and I struggled to seduce her. Finally, off came the clothes and we made love. It was absolutely fantastic. It was actually like having intercourse with a stranger, a woman I had never before seen before that evening. I was never more sensually aroused than I was that night. And for that matter, so was Joan. Later, after we slept for awhile, Joan removed herself from the bedroom and went into the bath. I dozed off and when I awakened I was surprised to see Joanie, fully dressed, sans her disguise, standing at the foot of the bed pointing a finger of accusation at me. "Where were you?" she demanded.
I sat up and blinked at her. I was momentarily startled because her act was that convincing that I actually didn't know what to think-had I really been to bed with her-or had I been with a strange woman? I played along with her as she kept up the game. "You brought a dame up to the apartment, didn't you? You pie-eyed bastard, you picked her up in a bar and you brought her up here, didn't you?"
I didn't know what to say. I shrugged and laughed and I didn't convince her. She came round the bed and snatched away the covers. I was nude. The bed sheets were rumpled.
We both screamed and I grabbed her and we kissed and made love as avidly as before. It was something out of this world the way we went at each other, and the fun we had for weeks afterward as she taunted me and pretended that I had not really picked her up at all, but had indeed picked up someone else who resembled me was something that provided a lot of laughs and a lot of embraces and reassurances. To be sure, this little game Joanie had made up was like nothing I had ever heard of before.
About five months afterward I did a turnabout and played the same game on Joan. After hinting that I "might" have to go out of town on a business trip and I didn't want to hear that she went out to the Stagedoor Lounge unescorted, I left for the day after kissing her goodbye and taking a small overnight suitcase with me.
I knocked off work early that day and went to a hotel where I checked into a lavish suite. There I opened the suitcase and made up my face very carefully, changing my appearance in such a way that I knew I would fool her completely. At six o'clock I went to the lounge and after a few minutes Joanie walked in, dressed to kill. She seated herself at the bar and I walked over and introduced myself to her. I used a phony name of course and she got a big laugh out of that, though she didn't let on what she was really laughing about. We kidded around some and then we went out to dinner. I told her how fascinated I was by her and she in turn kept looking at me as I no doubt had looked at her when she had disguised herself. The idea that I might really be deceiving Joanie caught hold and I was never more titillated in my life. I was exciting myself and at the same time answering the question I suppose that is in every man's mind-what would his wife do if given the opportunity to be with another man? I found out. Joanie made up a wild story about how happily married she was but "Oh you kid." We went to a club and danced a while and then I asked her up to my hotel suite for a nightcap. She pretended that she was worried about being seen out with another man and I told her that I would sneak her up to my room. As luck would have it just as we stepped onto the elevator, two couples we knew emerged from the next elevator and stared hard at Joan and then at me. Of course they didn't recognize me, but they certainly recognized Joan. [This was later to provide us with a fantastic amount of entertainment whenever we were with the people who had inadvertently seen us.]
The next hour was spent "getting acquainted" and after I had finally "convinced" Joanie that I was a clean-cut bachelor who was madly in love with her, she allowed me to undress her. I almost flipped when I saw that she was wearing a black net outfit under her clothes that would have made even an exotic dancer blush to wear. Joanie laughed and said that she only wore such outfits when she went out to get a strange piece on the side.
I was so worked up by the time I actually got next to her I had an orgasm. I was haywire with excitement and I could hardly keep my hands from trembling. But later we went at it hot and heavily and to be sure, Joanie was a different woman! Afterward, while she slept, I did exactly what she had done to me. I crept out of bed and dressed and removed what was left of my carefully applied disguise. Then I pretended to be indignant and I turned on the lights and accused her of cheating on me. She denied it and the game commenced once again. It was very real and anyone who might by chance have walked in on us would have thought that I really was a cuckolded husband who had just cornered his wife in a trysting place. It was a riot the way I told her I had got rid of her paramour and as we kissed and forgave and made love, we continued the charade. I was the indignant husband and Joanie was the unfaithful wife. I performed cunnilingus on her and she went half insane with passion.
I threw off my clothes and was astonished at myself because I had got another erection. The excitement mounted and I plunged on top of her driving my organ into her wildly, with more fury than I had ever before garnered. Only when both of us were limp as rags and utterly exhausted did we fall asleep, contented smiles on our lips.
Since then we have played this cheating game at least once or twice a year on each other. Believe it or not this provides us with a great deal of laughter and also a great deal more of sensual pleasure because we are able to satisfy our curiosity about other people and at the same time flirt with the excitement and risk of cheating without necessarily taking any risks. Moreover, Joanie and I sometimes deliberately go to places-in disguise-where some of our gossipy acquaintances are certain to see us and whisper about us and we have a ball laughing about ah the things that come up after that as a result of either of us and both of us being seen "cheating." The thrill of dressing up as someone else satisfies the need we have to be actors too, I suppose and because we have vivid imaginations we utilize our imaginations to the fullest doing these nonsensical things together. What is more important is this: we can explore our innermost feelings and thoughts and bring everything out into the open. We have no secrets from each other and we each know exactly what the other will do in a given situation. We have always had a barrel of fun play acting like this and believe me we have had some mighty big screams as a result. One time we checked into a motel outside of Atlantic City and we both went in and out wearing different disguises. The motel owners, a rather pompous couple who were the biggest hypocrites we had ever met, eyed us for several days and spied on us, watching our comings and goings as though we were the most depraved people on the face of the earth. Finally they could stand it no longer. Together with a delegation of four of their regular tenants they came knocking at our door and demanded to know what the hell was going on-were we having a sex orgy or something and if so, they demanded that we leave the premises at once. Besides, they rented the place to two people, not six others who they had seen coming and going.
Joanie and I screamed with laughter after they had gone. We never had a greater time than we had that summer in New Jersey because the people got so mad that they called the police when we refused to leave since our room rent had been paid for in advance. When the police came we showed the sergeant our makeup cases full of disguises and he got a big laugh out of it too. The incident cured the motel owners of meddling in the affairs of their tenants which they had been doing for many years.
We had other amusing experiences as a result of our cheating charades, one of which is decidedly amusing because two women who were very friendly to both of us came round when Joanie was thought to be elsewhere and asked me if I might understand their motive. I pretended to be puzzled as to why they had paid me a visit and they sat down nervously, unaware of the fact that Joanie was in the bedroom listening and watching through the crack in the open door. They began to explain that they both were understanding and broadminded women and they couldn't blame me if I divorced my wife after they had their say. Then they told me that they had seen Joanie on two separate occasions during the past several years in hotels with strange men. I feigned shock at this and they busied themselves with consoling me, but I told them I was shocked because they had seen fit to come to me with the story since I knew all along what my wife had been doing.
"You mean to tell us that you actually condone such a thing?"
"Of course," I said. "And what's good for the goose is also good for the gander. Would you ladies care to indulge in some extramarital activities with me?" At that they fled. Joanie emerged from the bedroom holding her sides and laughing until the tears ran down her cheeks. Just then there was a knock at the door. I peeked through the curtain and motioned Joanie to hide again. One of the two women had returned. I opened the door and let her in as soon as Joanie had hidden again. The woman came up to me and said, "Paul, I really have to hand it to you. You're the most broadminded man I've ever met. I've come back to take you up on your proposition. Do you want to make love to me here or would you prefer the bedroom?" She started to unbutton her dress. I caught her by the wrist and led her to the door. "Thanks," I said, "but, no thanks."
Joan's Statement:
Paul and I couldn't be happier because we're the happiest that two people can possibly be. Were compatible and we share the same tastes and like the same things; but most important of all, we know how to enjoy life and we know how to have a laugh everyday. When two people don't kid themselves and admit that life isn't always just a bowl of cherries, they can accomplish a great deal with their lives when they try to inject a little humor into everything they do-especially in their personal and intimate relationships.
Paul and I learned long ago that no matter how much two people are in love they need a change from each other. They need to uncork themselves and give vent to their subconscious feelings and even their secret desires. That's the way it is with us-we know how to appeal to each other in a lot of different ways and this is vitally important to the well being of our marriage in general. Marriage to me is more than just being a housewife and a social companion-it's a kind of soul mating too and unless both partners in the marriage are able to extend themselves the marriage can become a drudge. We have a little fun and excitement everyday because we permit our imaginations to run rampant once in awhile.
To begin with my explanation of what I mean, let me say this: I love my husband dearly as he loves me too, I'm sure, but despite this, it's only natural to have some doubts or some misgivings due to everyone's innate feelings of insecurity and uncertainty. We all want to know what would happen if we weren't around-what would our mates do if such and such occurred? Well, we both found out-and now we know-and yet, we aren't sure. It's exciting and thrilling when you look at a relationship like this and then "test" that relationship by doing some ridiculous, but rather amusing things-like cheating on each other-with each other. In this way we can find out what it would be like to have an affair with someone else-and at the same time find out how your husband will act when he has a chance to make time with some other woman. I one day made myself up in a disguise that would have fooled my own mother and set out to pick up and then seduce my husband. I thought about this a great deal before I actually did it, and once I had done it, I was glad that I had because I discovered I had stumbled onto a way out thing that was both inane and ridiculous but made a lot of sense too. I got a great thrill out of "picking up" my own husband disguised as another woman; and I got even a greater thrill out of playing this game with him when he picked me up disguised as another man. We were both actors once so we knew how to get into the character of a disguise we wore and were also able to satisfy our frustrated aims to be an actor and actress; therefore we were able to "live and breathe" a role of make believe, if only for a little while, and have a lot of love and laugh and fun and sex doing it. I know this sounds kind of screwy, but that's the truth. We have achieved a certain kind of intimacy as if we were partners in crime and that is another aspect of our relationship that makes sense to us because we have more in common than most people who can only talk about the everyday things in life. Yes, that was what our need was-to escape from the everyday, mundane matters of life. We found that escape in play acting with each other, and carrying these actions over into other mundane activities. When we go out to the market to do some shopping, for instance, invariably we will bump into people who know us and whom we know. When we know they are appalled at our supposed erratic or extramarital or immoral behavior, we have the laugh on them, especially when seeing them whisper about us the moment our backs are turned.
One of the reasons why Paul and I get such a laugh out of this is because we both were from rather provincial, small townish environments where "reputation" meant more than the joy of living; where people are still supposed to live frustrated lives while being commanded to remain "moral and dignified." If these bigots and moralists would only have a license to eavesdrop and peek at other people's lives, would they be in for a shock. Both Paul and I have been around enough to know that people are usually unhappy because they are so inhibited by false mores and medieval codes of behavior that they cannot possibly enjoy life as it was meant to be lived-and it is to these bluenoses and bigots who censor our literature and impose their unnatural codes of supposed behavior upon society that these remarks are addressed. Moreover, I have agreed to make these statements for the purpose of having them published in a psychological study of certain aspects of intimate sex life shared by married people because I want others, who are no doubt much like Paul and I, to understand that they are not alone in their attitudes and in their secret practices.
We want these people to know that it is not perverse or unnatural for two people to play the love game together-because love and sex is most certainly a game and not a contest. Sex wasn't meant to be a struggle between people-it was intended to be a rewarding experience which was meant to be shared-and enjoyed to the fullest. Both Paul and I sincerely believe that nothing on earth is more important than the happiness and compatibility and sexual love which can be shared by two people who love and respect each other. Nothing is more sacred, either.
Therefore, no matter what two people do together, so long as it does not offend their personal ethics and morals, that is all right, provided it doesn't hurt them either. It doesn't matter what other people think or say; instead all that matters is that two people are happy together in their relationship with each other. Only when the intruders, attempting to impose behavioral restrictions upon others, meddle in their lives, only then should couples rebel against them and do what they damn please. We have learned that more people than we once believed are overly curious about the personal lives of their neighbors-and we have deliberately governed ourselves accordingly. What we do with our personal lives is our own business. And the business of every married couple is-and should be-that of attaining the very most that can be gotten out of their relationship.
One of the most important ways of accomplishing this is through having the right attitude. Making a game of love is one of the best ways we know of which will bring about this attitude and lead to joy and happiness that knows no boundaries, restrictions or end. It's far better to play the game of "Let's suppose we cheat a little on each other," than it is to play that game for real. If it is normal for a man to be curious about other women, isn't it just as normal for a woman to be curious about other men? So what's the harm in a little fun and games once in awhile when it's with the person you love?
"With this ring I thee wed, With my body, I thee worship, And with all my Worldly goods I thee endow."
CHAPTER TEN
AND NOW IT'S UP TO YOU
You have just read excerpts from the case histories of thirty-two men and women which relate generally to the sex fun and games which contribute to the joy and happiness of their marriages. These case histories do not of course present in complete detail the many psychodynamic features of each individual case; however they have revealed to the reader that many varied and different aspects of sexual relationships exist which are relatively unknown and customarily not discussed or studied. For this reason the author has endeavored to show the intimate workings of some rather unique sexual relationships in hopes that more individuals will achieve better understanding of what they may expect from marriage when they really let themselves go and lower those foolish inhibitions which restrict them and prohibit better and freer sexual expression. Sex fun and games is about the sexual expression which two people who love each other can achieve. As you have read, it doesn't matter what is done, instead it only matters how it is done. Marriage counselors are frequently too reserved, staid, or inhibited themselves to suggest that new spice and excitement be added to humdrum marriages through the method of employing sex fun and games as an adjunct to sex harmony. The fun and games of sex in marriage can and should compensate for the agony of everyday living that so frequently enslaves us. The key to long and healthy life is in the physical, emotional and psychical side of life: those who have fun and play the game of love open the gates to Eden and live their lives to the fullest. But most important of all, it should be remembered that there are many people who, because of ignorance or inexperience in matters sexual, will lead unhappy and unharmonious sex lives because of their lack of knowledge. If more people, before they enter the divorce courts, would stop and peruse books such as this one, perhaps then they will open their eyes to the facts of life and learn how to live their own lives as human life was meant to be lived-joyously and happily.
As a prominent marriage counselor and well-known attorney commented after reading the manuscript of manual, "It's a shame our divorce courts are so crowded today with people who are there because of sexual ignorance. Sex-more than for any other reason is the major cause of divorce in America today. Why does a married man or a married woman cheat? Because they are seeking something they are not getting at home. This book, and others like it, have an important task to perform: that task is informing society of the things it ought to know."