When Gladys came to the psychiatrist for help she was a lovely divorcee, leading a life of sordid promiscuity.
Yet she came from a good family and had been a "good" girl till she entered college. There she yielded to Bob, an attractive boy she hoped to marry. Then one night at a wild party they quarreled and Gladys slipped out with two other boys-one after another.
After that Gladys couldn't let men alone, though her marriage and her future happiness were at stake....
What makes a woman like Gladys take one lover after another yet remain eternally unfulfilled? And what can be done for her?
This and many other questions about men and women's emotional misbehavior are answered frankly in this realistic study of the sexual side of life.
* * *
AUTHOR'S PROFILE
Don James, author of DARK HUNGER, a current Monarch fiction headliner now in its 4th large printing, has written several hundred fiction stories and articles which have appeared in more than 34 national magazines such as American, This Week and Collier's.
He has been a newsman, editor, radio and TV writer and a copy chief for advertising agencies. For eight years he was associated with the Kaiser-Frazer organization as editorial consultant and copy director.
THE SEXUAL SIDE OF LIFE is the brilliant result of long months of study and research into the normal and abnormal patterns of human behavior in the realm of love and sex, and was written in close cooperation with a leading physician.
The names of all individuals mentioned in the case histories which appear in this book have been deliberately altered to protect their identity and right of privacy, and all names of cities and towns mentioned in the case histories have been changed for similar reasons.
The photograph appearing on the cover of this book is a reproduction of THE KISS, a famous piece of sculpture, by Rodin.
FOREWORD
Each person born has his or her 'sexual side of life" which must be given a place in relation to the other side of the developing individual. This fact is classified by some under the heading of "truth is stranger than fiction." But is this truth really so strange?
Since propagation of the species is so basic to the nature of each member of the human race, we should not be surprised to learn that each individual has a sexual side. Indeed, placed in such a context, the question of whether or not each person has a sexual side seems absurd and meaningless.
Despite the fact that this premise may be easily and intellectually accepted, many feel uncomfortable with it. Why is this? The answer is the unconscious and the fear of it.
Built into each human being is an automatic ability to keep from conscious awareness certain aspects of himself which are at variance with his thoughts of how he is or should be. This form of control of unwanted thoughts and actions is often helpful, but also may have severe limitations.
"The truth shall set you free" is a well-known saying. Knowledge of those facts and feelings about oneself which have been kept from consciousness can bring freedom.
Another saying is also relevant-"A little learning is a dangerous thing." This is particularly meaningful in relation to "the sexual side of life," and James has well pointed out the place and value of psychological assistance in helping people move from a little knowledge to that amount which provides freedom in the form of mature control and constructive direction of all sides of one's being.
Many people who read this book may be shocked by the startling incidence of people suffering from emotional ills and sexual aberrations, to which it attests. Yet, it is a fact that these men and women are all around us even though we may not recognize them. Every thinking individual, therefore, owes it to himself to read THE SEXUAL SIDE OF LIFE because it gives a courageously factual picture of a condition in our contemporary society that cries out for our attention.
The case histories you will find in these pages are the sometimes bitter but always poignant and heartrending stories of men and women in trouble-people warped and twisted by complexes and deviations from the recognized norm of human behavior that too often are not of their own making. Many of them can be helped by our sympathy and understanding and by the informed ministrations of practitioners in medicine and psychiatry, as this book so ably points out.
Who knows but that someone among us may have a loved one-a husband or wife, son or daughter who is sorely afflicted by one of the many abnormal drives and compulsions that can destroy his or her rightful chance for happiness in this life? Yet we must know something of the nature of these distortions in the pattern of human behavior to recognize them and so to lend a hand of assistance where needed.
And so this book, as I see it, holds forth significant rewards for those who will read it with the sincere and dedicated manner in which it. was so obviously written. This is a comprehensive yet concise appraisal of a subject that is bewildering and frightening in the scope of its ramifications. There is pathos here, too, and a desire to open the eyes of the uninformed, and, above all, there must inevitably be a strong bond of sympathy between the reader and the very real men and women to be encountered in these pages-men and women who are to be understood and helped, not scorned and vilified.
THE SEXUAL SIDE OF LIFE tells of real, flesh-and-blood people. It does not merely expound theory. Mr. James presents in a most ethical way actual cases, and in them the reader will see not "the sex maniac" nor "the lunatic," but individuals from his own city, neighborhood or family-individuals who trouble themselves and others because they have been unable to harness and control through understanding a most natural part of human life. That each individual basically wants to obtain a fuller, more constructive understanding of himself is also well noted in Mr. James' book, as is the truth that for those who seek, self-understanding is obtainable.
Dr. Frank B. Strange
NOTE:
Dr. Frank B. Strange, prominent on the West Coast in the area of mental health as Director of The Mental Health Association of Oregon, has served as clinical instructor in psychology at Washington University School of Medicine and at the University of Portland. He also is well known for his work in private practice as a clinical psychologist.
CHAPTER ONE
Sex Is a Many-Lettered Word
A young woman comes home to her parents a few months after her marriage and sobs a confused explanation. The parents are at a loss to understand fully what she is telling them, and she, herself, is not certain what has happened to her marriage.
"He's ... he's involved sexually with another man," she says. "I can't explain it. Only that he cares more for this man than he does for me. I ... I caught them together in our bedroom when I came home early from a party."
A businessman with a fine family and a good reputation sits in a police car as he is taken to a station house one night. His lips are tight with apprehension, his voice is husky as he answers questions, his eyes are sick with worry and fear.
He knows his problem: voyeurism or scoptophilia. To the two ominously quiet policemen in the car he probably is more readily classified as a "Peeping Tom" whom they discovered standing by the bedroom window of a young woman who had failed to draw her window blind before she undressed.
In a large department store a mannish-appearing woman leaves for the day accompanied by a very feminine young woman who works in the advertising department. They stop at a market for groceries and then go home to the apartment they share. With one exception they are not greatly unlike thousands of women who share apartments to save living costs. The one exception is that they consider themselves to be married and indulge in homosexual practices.
Their counterparts are found among men, who sometimes may be a bit more obvious to observers, but not always.
In a fashionable suburb an attractive young wife deliberately badgers her husband until he violently loses his temper and then impudently dares him to spank her, trying to conceal the deep sexual excitement that is raging within her.
Confused, angered beyond restraint, goaded beyond limit, he accepts her dare and throws her across his knees as he would a misbehaving child.
A half-hour later, exhausted, he tries to understand how the punishment of anger ended in the madness of unbridled sex from an eager, over responsive wife who now is penitent and shamefaced.
Hospital attendants rapidly undress a burly truck driver who has been brought into the receiving room unconscious and severely injured from a highway accident involving his truck.
Suddenly an intern looks up in surprise.
"He's wearing women's underwear !" he exclaims.
A woman in a crowded subway tries to move away from the insistent pressure of a man's body behind her. He follows her, pressing, moving gently. Almost frantically she finally turns sideways and elbows away. The man pretends not to see her, but his eyes are feverish, his face flushed with sexual excitement.
A personable, successful bachelor appears to be engrossed in the papers on his office desk. The papers actually are far from his mind. Thoughtfully and carefully he is planning the seduction of an unsuspecting young woman he is taking out that night. He has known her only a few weeks.
With the unhealthy and abnormal skill often displayed by the type known psychiatrically as the "Don Juan," he probably will succeed. His obsession for women and sex may end in heartbreak and tragedy for the woman, while he will go on to seek other conquests to satisfy an obsessed appetite that drives him relentlessly.
An attractive, well educated woman nervously takes a man to her apartment. She hardly knows him, and their date is almost casual. She is the female counterpart of the "Don Juan" and she is the victim of nymphomania.
She will give herself to this man, who is almost a stranger to her, to satisfy the strange illness that besets her. She will find little relief in the act. She has lost her husband through divorce because of her obsessions. She faces unhappiness and tragic loneliness because of her sexual maladjustment. If she seeks it, she eventually may find help through psychotherapy and the aid of physicians.
These are only a few of the shadowy and often furtive ways of sex that have existed for centuries among all peoples, of all races and all eras.
There is a tendency upon the part of vast numbers of us to ignore these ways of sex that deviate from what we commonly recognize as the normal in sex. Sometimes there is an almost head-in-the-sand attitude that can result in tragedy, heartbreak and even death.
On the other hand, many who have sought education about sex have encountered misinformation, half-truths and fallacies that in themselves have caused a tremendous amount of unhappiness, shame and grief simply because the truth was not known or recognized or correctly explained.
Through our daily news we have become acquainted with the 'sex criminal." We have come to recognize the problems of the 'sex deviate." Gradually we have achieved a measure of education about sex, yet thousands of us may be confused about the meanings of the aberrations, paraphilias, deviations, perversions and the other various classifications, definitions and explanations of sex.
Possibly of even greater significance is the fact that there is a marked degree of confusion about what is "normal" and what may be "abnormal" in sex.
The normal in sexual relations is generally interpreted today as heterosexual relations voluntarily practiced in certain ways by adults who are not too closely related and who are married to each other, or, in some instances, not married.
Consequently a number of sexual practices may be interpreted as abnormal. Authorities repeatedly emphasize, however, that if some of these practices become part of the foreplay to normal sexual relations between a man and woman, perversion is not involved in the real sense of the word and that such practices may then be termed normal rather than abnormal.
Joachim Flescher, M.D. gives us this interpretation in Mental Health and the Prevention of Neurosis: "Only when the individual reaches orgasm exclusively and habitually through satisfaction of a component instinct, without attempting genital union in situations which would permit normal intercourse, can we consider his sexual pattern as a perversion."
Benjamin Karpman, M.D. in The Sexual Offender and His Offenses defines a normal pervert as "one who, despite the handicap of a socially unacceptable sexual orientation, manages to lead an otherwise normal life."
In turn, it is interesting to note that the Kinsey report on Sexual Behavior in the Human Male traces today's legal determinations of what is "natural" or "contrary to nature" in sexual acts back to the ancient codes from ancient Greek and Roman cults and the Talmudic Law. It observes that in no other field of science have scientists been satisfied to accept the "biologic concept of ancient jurists and theologians, or the analyses made by the mystics of two or three thousand years ago."
Whatever may be the viewpoints of what may be biologically normal or abnormal in sexuality, or whatever may be the legal interpretations, of one thing we may be fairly certain: The sexual life of a person who lives to adulthood may pass through a great many phases of sexuality in what certainly may be interpreted as a normal progression.
The fact that some adults may not "grow out of" some of these phases, but retain them in adulthood, apparently contributes to the largest aggregate of the abnormal as the definition is accepted today.
Whatever the definitions and interpretations of the abnormal, the perversions, paraphilias and aberrations may be, the fact must be faced that they are part of life as we know it, and at least a basic understanding of them can be advantageous to most of us.
We may be certain that most of us, at one time or another, have come in contact with several or many of the persons who have departed from the accepted normal patterns of sex. We may be just as certain that many times we do not recognize these departures in the persons we meet, although we may wonder about their behavior or idiosyncrasies.
Of even greater importance is the fact that a child in a family may develop symptoms that point to a malfunction in sexual development. Some of these indications may be serious and some may be relatively unimportant, but it would be well for the wise parent to recognize them for what they may be. At least, if there is doubt, a physician can be consulted. Sound, intelligent questions about sex are far more commendable than a see-nothing, do-nothing attitude.
Pitirim Sorokin in The American Sex Revolution suggests that our civilization "has become so preoccupied with sex that it now oozes from all pores of American life." Many observers echo this opinion to various degrees of concern and even alarm.
For the layman, much of the information about sex that has become evident on every hand may inspire the belief that it is a recent phenomenon, and that many of the "odd things" that go on in relation to sex are peculiar only to our contemporary way of life.
As a matter-of-fact, all the "odd things" about sex seem to have been extant since the beginning of history. Homosexuality occurred among the ancient Greeks and Romans. Moses, in delineating the laws, touches upon sodomy, transvestism, adultery, incest and various other "odd things" that many people believe to be peculiar to our culture of today.
Virtually all primitive societies have had members who indulged in deviations from what we choose to call "normal" sexual relations. For generation after generation, the rulers of ancient Egypt were born of unions between brothers and sisters. Various aberrations come to light again and again as we uncover the history of the world.
Yet with the vast history of sexual customs forming an important key of explanation to the way we act today, there still remains for many persons a great wilderness surrounding the byways of sex.
Questions about sexual aberrations are endless in the minds of thousands upon thousands of persons.
What are perversions? What do "perverts" do? How can they do things like that? What makes them do those things? Exactly what happens? Am I that way? What did he mean by that? Why does she act that way? Is he one? Is she one?
To answer all the questions fully would be to review the whole history of the relationships of man with woman, man with man, woman with woman, and each to himself.
To answer some of the questions more generally, we go into the quiet retreat of the psychiatrist's office; we review his files; we listen to the questions and answers, the calm voice, the confessional voice, the seeking voice, the troubled, angry and beseeching voice.
We do this carefully because we must betray no confidences; and for this reason-with the help of the psychiatrist-we have developed composite case histories. They are historically accurate and medically documented, but carefully altered in circumstance and irrelevant details to protect those who have traveled the hidden paths of sex.
Fiction seldom has been more startling, and truth seldom more relentless, than in the case histories that served as source material for the ones portrayed here.
Here are some of the ways of love and sex and life.
CHAPTER TWO
The Don Juan
A well-built, handsome man of about thirty opened the door to his small, bachelor apartment and smiled at the young woman beside him.
"We'll stay just long enough for a drink or two, and then go on to the show," he assured her. "I just want you to see my place, Paula."
The girl was well dressed, pretty, and perhaps five years younger than the man. She worked as a secretary in a downtown office and she had met Ralph T. in the course of business. This was their fourth date, but the first time he had brought her to his apartment.
Almost eagerly she crossed the threshold. Ralph had paid v' her a great deal of attention since their first date. There had been flowers and candy, dinners, theaters and a few night clubs.
He had kissed her several times, but he had been very circumspect otherwise. So much so that it excited her that a man as handsome and wholly attractive to women should be treating her as if he might have marriage in mind.
Now looking around the apartment she allowed herself a brief moment of fantasy, imagining that it was their apartment, and that they were coming home to it.
She noticed the elegantly rich decor of the room, the high fidelity equipment, the modern furniture, the large divan, the good prints on the walls. Ralph was employed as a salesman, and obviously had a good income. Everything about him was in excellent taste, appeared to be rather expensive, and certainly reflected intelligence and good breeding.
"I'll fix the drinks," he said, moving to the high fidelity phonograph to put on a record. "Make yourself comfortable."
It was midsummer and warm in the room. He turned on a small air-conditioning unit as he went to the kitchen of the apartment.
Paula settled down in a large easy chair and listened to the music. There was a subtle, exciting beat to it that she liked. She wondered about Ralph and visualized his tall, well-proportioned body, his handsome features, the blondness of his hair, the blue of his eyes against a dark summer tan. He was exciting, too. Being married to a man like Ralph would be a glorious adventure.
He returned with the drinks and set them on a low table by the divan. "Come on over here so we can talk," he said. "There's a fine view of the lights."
She arose and went to the divan. He piled cushions in back of her and handed her the drink. It was cold and tasted of gin.
"Your apartment is wonderful," she told him.
"I'm glad you like it, Paula. I want you to like it. As a matter-of-fact, I want you to like everything about me."
Their eyes met and a hidden meaning was obvious in his. She wondered if this was the beginning of a proposal. Probably not. He would wait longer. But he could tell her that he loved her. Certainly he must feel how strong it was between them. If it was so terrifically strong in her, how could it be otherwise with him? And why else had he brought her here to show her where he lived, to allow her to view the intimacy of his private life?
It certainly was not as it might have been with some other men, who would bring a girl to an apartment with only one thing in mind. By this time she probably would have been pushing them away, trying to capture inquisitive hands, or to evade strenuous embraces.
No, this was not Ralph! He sat back on the divan and looked at her with a nice, clean look. The kind of look, in a way, that a high school boy would have for his first love. There was something of the small boy in Ralph, anyhow. Something appealing, as if he needed a little mothering as much as a woman's love.
But there was nothing weak nor effeminate about him. Not in the least! Sometimes when they were dancing, the feel of his arm about her, the masculine strength of his body near her, brought a stirring excitement that no other man ever had created in her.
He seemed to sense her thoughts now and was quiet, listening to the music, and looking at her with a strange gentleness that was exciting in itself.
"We could dance, he said. "Like to?"
She nodded and put down her empty glass. It had been a strong drink and she could already feel it a little.
They danced slowly and it seemed a long time to her. When the music stopped they stood in the center of the room, quiet, with his arm still holding her against him. He looked down and smiled.
"You're lovely," he said. "Beautiful ... lovely...."
He kissed her and it was not as he had ever kissed her before. She felt his strength pulling her close against him, and his mouth was demanding.
It awakened an eager response in her and even when he picked her up and carried her to the divan she could only be fully conscious of his mouth and the words he whispered to her.
It started then. It was almost like a dream. The one drink had been much, much stronger than she had realized, and she knew that she was allowing him to do things she had never expected, but that she now suddenly wanted.
Abruptly she tried to break away from him. "Please ... please, Ralph. I've never done that ... I don't ... oh, please...."
"I know, my love. But I've looked so long for you ... waited so long."
He said many more things as he continued his lovemaking. When she struggled again in desperate panic, he held her tight and kissed her until she became weak. She shut her eyes and lay back. Moments later a small, triumphant smile appeared on Ralph's lips as he looked down into her face.
"Now ... he said. "Now...."
Three weeks later she finally got a telephone call through to him.
"Ralph ... please, Ralph ... what's wrong? Why haven't you called me? What have I done?"
"I've been busy." His voice was cool and uninterested.
"But I thought after ... well, after that night we would-
"You're not pregnant," he interrupted. "If that's what's worrying you. I took care of that."
"But Ralph I...." She fought back tears of anger and shame.
"Forget it, Paula. I'll see you around sometime. And, Paula ... please don't call me here at the office ... or my apartment. Okay?"
The telephone clicked in her ear and she slowly replaced the instrument in its cradle.
At the other end of the line, Ralph thumbed a small notebook until he found a telephone number. He dialed and waited.
"Mary? ... This is Ralph. I thought we might go to a show tonight, and on the way I'd like to have you stop long enough for a drink and a look at my apartment. I'm rather proud of it, but I need a little decorating advice. Maybe you could help me...."
Five minutes later he replaced the telephone with a satisfied smile. He was certain that Mary, was virginal. He was certain that he would be successful again. He was almost always successful. Time after time. When a man had looks and a build and a way with women, it was easy! No one could say that he wasn't all man! He didn't know any other man who had possessed so many women. No other man who could do it as skillfully.
"A real Don Juan!" he told himself, not realizing how aptly he had described himself in the term of the psychiatrist; not realizing that his actions betrayed a secret about himself that even he did not understand.
The Don Juan tradition has existed for centuries and is based on the story of a Spanish nobleman who was an insatiable woman-hunter, a seducer, profligate, libertine and irresistible lover. He has been the hero of a large number of plays and poems and of an opera by Mozart.
Virtually everyone in the course of a lifetime encounters a counterpart of the Don Juan; or knows about men who have been given this descriptive name. In some instances male theatrical stars have been so described, and many other men who are considered to be handsome, and to whom women are attracted, may be designated as Don Juans.
Not always in our contemporary use of the phrase has there been condemnation, and frequently the sobriquet seems to imply a flavor of romance (illicit though it may be) and great masculine prowess in love affairs. And although the Don Juan has been generally criticized as a man leading an immoral life consisting of a bed-to-bed existence, many men have probably felt flattered by acquiring the Don Juan reputation.
It would indeed be surprising for such men to learn that numerous astute experts and students in the field of psychosexual pathology consider the dashing, masculine seducer of women-the Don Juan-to be a latent homosexual or a person in love with a strong mother image.
Louis S. London, M.D. and Frank S. Caprio, M.D. define Don Juanism as "a term used in psychiatry to describe a form of latent homosexuality characterized by sexual promiscuity in certain men who practically make the seduction of many women a career."
Benjamin Karpman, M.D. says: "The type commonly known as the Don Juan is now generally recognized by psychiatry as an unconscious homosexual whose never-ending pursuit of women is a mask which conceals his unrecognized homosexual interest."
Quite frequently the Don Juan is a handsome, neurotic bachelor and man-about-town. He may be fairly intelligent, and usually displays a dynamic personality and much charm, and seems to set up emotional responses in the women he meets.
Yet as broad as his reputation of being a lover may be, he actually may be a very poor one, for he spends a good portion of his life trying to prove to himself, or the world, that he is a good lover by conquering women.
Causes of Don Juanism usually are deep-rooted. A mother smothers a handsome, personable boy with too much attention, keeps him too closely tied to her apron strings, and protects his good looks and charm with fervent devotion. Later in life the boy, as a man, retains his love of the mother image and goes from woman to woman in a fruitless search for his "ideal" and to escape deep and unrecognized tendencies toward incest and homosexuality.
On the other hand, a mother may attempt to keep a boy from "becoming conceited over his good looks" by giving more attention to other children in the family. Subsequently he may be forever seeking in woman after woman the one woman who he subconsciously feels rejected him-his mother.
This is the boy, too, who resents being called a 'sissy" (as do most small boys) and later attempts to prove his masculinity by a promiscuous sex life. His very obsession to prove his virility may indicate a subconscious fear of a latent homosexuality. A man who is certain of his sex has no need to resort to such proof.
Nor is the Don Juan necessarily a victim of satyriasis, which is akin to nymphomania in women. The satyr is the victim of an excessive venereal impulse, an insatiable desire for sexual relations. The Don Juan is the victim of the compulsion toward sexual promiscuity.
Those who know him well, including the women whom he may conquer, usually discover that the Don Juan is an immature, maladjusted man. He dislikes assuming the responsibilities of marriage. He seldom wants children. He does not particularly like the restrictions of home life.
If he marries, the wife must constantly be on guard, realizing that the true Don Juan will not necessarily gain maturity through marriage, and that he will always be in danger of succumbing to the opportunities brought about by the natural charm that attracts so many women to him.
A man like Ralph can leave a trail of broken hearts behind him. He may especially enjoy the seduction of virgins, or he may enjoy the seduction of any woman for the sake of seduction itself.
Possibly psychiatry's greatest aid to the Don Juan is to help him understand himself. If he wants to help himself, this understanding may point the way.
An insight into Ralph's life reveals a history not unlike the histories of others in his plight.
Ralph T. was born into a middle-class family in a Western city. He was an only child and from as early as he could remember women were attracted to him.
"My mother told me many times that other women envied her when I was a small boy. I can remember some of them saying that they wished their sons were as well behaved and neat as her son was," he explained.
"Sometimes this embarrassed me, but I couldn't help but be a little proud, too. I know one thing-it didn't make me any more popular with other boys."
Ralph remembers several fights with other boys of his age, and that he often was called a 'sissy."
"It infuriated me," he told the psychiatrist he had sought. "More than once I provoked a fight to show that I wasn't a sissy, even when I usually received a whipping for my bravery. I couldn't fight very well. But I couldn't stand being called a sissy, either.
"My mother understood how it was for me. She said it wasn't my fault that I was better-looking than some of the other boys, or that women and girls were attracted to me."
Ralph's first sexual adventure of importance occurred when he was a freshman in high school. He was large for his age, and usually taken to be older than he was.
A married couple in their thirties lived next door to Ralph. The woman was a small, neatly molded woman who was quite active athletically and liked to play tennis. She resembled his mother in her small body and quickness of movement.
One summer afternoon she asked Ralph to play tennis with her at the courts in a nearby park. They finished playing early and when they returned home she asked him in to have a cold drink.
"I don't know how she managed it," Ralph said. "But we were having our drinks in the kitchen and suddenly she was against me and I was kissing her. She didn't say much after the kisses, but led me to a bedroom where she undressed. She went over to bed and stretched out. I never had seen a nude woman before and I was terribly excited."
"Did you have intercourse?" he was asked.
"I tried."
"You were successful?"
"Not at first. I was too anxious. She evidently appreciated my inexperience and excitement. She held me and told me not to worry about it. Then she began to make love to me and after a while we had intercourse again."
"Did you make love to her after that afternoon?" the psychiatrist asked.
"A few times. Then we almost were caught when her husband came home early one day. Shortly after that they moved."
"When was the next experience?"
"That same summer. I knew several girls had a yen for me. One of them attracted me. She was a small, neatly put together girl, something like the woman next door. I asked her for a date and borrowed my folks' car. We went to a drive-in and afterward I drove out into the country and parked. I seduced her the first night."
"How many times did you have intercourse with her after that?"
"That was the only time. I lost interest in her after the one time. But there was another girl-a redhead who lived across town. I knew that she wanted a date with me, so I asked her. But I had to take her out four or five times before she let me take her."
Ralph's story goes on from that summer. His great appeal to women made seduction easy for him. By the time he went to college he already had established quite a record for himself.
His mother died when he was a sophomore in college. Her death was a great blow to him. He readily admitted that he usually was attracted to girls who reminded him of his mother.
"But I only wanted them once. There have been only a few girls with whom I had relations more than once," he said.
Ralph finally sought psychiatric aid when one of the women he had seduced attempted suicide after he had abandoned her. The girl was unsuccessful, but the incident frightened him.
The complications of his Don Juanism were carefully explained to him, the part that a mother image possibly had in it, his constant search for the "perfect mate," the other factors. He was intelligent and realized the limitations of the psychiatric aid that could be offered to him.
Eventually he married a girl who was as intelligent as he, who understood his needs and problems. She outlined the only terms upon which their marriage would be acceptable to her. She acknowledged that other women would be attracted to him, but pointed out that she, too, could have affairs with other men if she desired. She also pointed out that this would cheapen the marriage to the extent that she would not tolerate it. He agreed with her.
Wisely, she recognized his weaknesses and sexual needs. She assumed some responsibilities that other women might not recognize. She wanted him enough to do these things, and between them they eventually worked out a fairly successful marriage.
"I'm happier than I ever expected to be," Ralph told the psychiatrist several years later, "and I find myself wishing I could undo a lot of the things I did with all those girls who trusted me."
"We're happy," the wife said when she talked alone with the doctor. "But ... I'm always on guard. There's always the fear in me that some day Ralph will cut loose again...."
There are a number of maladjustments suffered by men that are so akin to true Don Juanism that they may be considered in the same light.
There is the philanderer who cannot remain faithful to his wife because he is driven by an unconscious desire to possess more than one woman. Frequently he seeks a mother and wife in one and possibly a mistress in another. He wants the satisfactory aspects and convenience of marriage, but he also wants the freedom and excitement of the illicit. He may like the idea of having two women because it is a boost to his male ego.
Quite often he does not want to terminate the marriage status, but, driven by great sexual desires, he only wishes to extend his sexual activities beyond the marriage bed.
Of similar interest in this immediate field is the alcoholic, especially one who attempts to drown sexual impotence, or inadequacy, in drink.
Many of these men can be materially helped.
Of more serious nature is the satyr. This is the man who may be so heavily driven by an insatiable sex appetite that he commits rape and even murder to satisfy his ungovernable desires. He usually is in desperate need of psychiatric and medical aid.
Questions may arise in more than one reader's mind as he considers the problem of philandering in the light of the historical implications of polygamy, including the references in the Old Testament.
Where is the dividing line between normalcy and the abnormal or subnormal? What are the definitions of the neurotic and psychotic as opposed to the normal?
Where does infidelity leave off and philandering begin, or philandering stop and Don Juanism begin, or where does Don Juanism stop and satyriasis manifest itself?
There is, indeed, a good deal of confusion about these questions. The Kinsey reports stimulated much thinking about the sex problems of the nation. When Americans were told by the reports that 86 per cent of the men under thirty questioned by Kinsey and his associates, and that nearly half of the women so questioned, had experienced premarital intercourse, their eyebrows went up in shocked amazement.
The same reports indicated that 40 per cent of the married men had been unfaithful to their wives; that 97 per cent had indulged in some form of sexual activity forbidden by the law; that 70 per cent had had intercourse with prostitutes.
An increasing trend in extramarital sexual activity is evident in our culture of today. Richard Lewinsohn, M.D. points out that in the United States 100,000 more boys than girls are born yearly, but that male deaths outnumber female deaths by 200,000. Although it is improbable that this will continue indefinitely, it already had developed in 19S4 to the place where the surplus of women was a million for the total population, but significantly it was two arid a half millions in the groups of eighteen years of age and older.
Lewinsohn observes, in relation to this: "For women who get husbands late, sexual intercourse in early life is premarital, but for millions of-Cithers it remains the only way of escaping sexual loneliness."
Since heterosexual activities involve both male and female, many men also are concerned in these extra-marital relations.
Does this necessarily mean that the persons involved suffer from neurotic tendencies, or are not "normal" or are psychotic?
To distill the question even more specifically, if a man is guilty of infidelity, or if he accepts the sexual favors offered by women during his premarital days, is he necessarily a Don Juan, satyr, philanderer, or victim of some other sexual aberration?
The complications offered by these questions are far too extensive to be discussed here, nor would they be definitively answered in complete agreement by the experts most concerned with them. It is almost impossible to find a single, satisfactory answer to any of the individual questions. The religious answer may not agree with the medical answer, or the sociological one with the legal.
Sexual offenses, in themselves, are frequently defined as sexual behavior that offends the society in which the offender lives. In this nation (as in England), for instance, our mores and laws consider premarital and extramarital intercourse to be sexual offenses. Also listed as offenses are a number of other sexual practices that may be indulged in by both heterosexual couples and homosexuals. Prostitution and adultery are not considered sex deviations. Criminal acts motivated by sex are considered to be sex crimes.
On one hand, the Freudian school of thought suggests that nonsatisfaction of sex impulses can become the cause of mental and physical illness. On the other hand, this is denied by others. Pitirim Sorokin in The American Sex Revolution negates the claim that the sex drive is so powerful that rigid control is impossible; that severe sexual continence of youths is unhealthy; that "at an early age children are already tormented by the Oedipus complex and are powerfully impelled-the boy-children to seduce their mother, and the girl-children to lie down with their father." Sorokin says in reply: "The answer is curt and plain. So far none of these claims has been even remotely proved as valid in regard to an overwhelming majority of children, youths, or adults. The more these contentions have been tested, the more they are found wanting."
More clinical, perhaps are the observations of the psychiatrist. Benjamin Karpman, M.D. in The Sexual Offender and His Offenses brings up the psychiatric controversy as to "whether all perversions are to be regarded as pathological forms of sexual behavior or whether certain types or certain degrees of perversions may fall within the sphere of normal human behavior."
He observes two schools of thought. One holds that the only normal psychobiological sexual behavior is that of genital intercourse because it leads to procreation of the race-that any deviation is abnormal. A normal person, say adherents to this school, never cares for any other form of sexual behavior except the accepted one between the two sexes.
He further states that the opposing school believes that the more extreme forms of perversions are undoubtedly pathological, but suggests a qualification about some deviations, to this extent: "In their milder forms and degrees, especially if they are indulged in as a subsidiary part of normal relations, as a sort of preliminary, they should be regarded as falling within the framework of the normal."
These observations indicate the difficulties that may be encountered among the most astute experts in defining what may be normal and what may not be normal in relation to sex, especially in those practices that are not flagrantly overt or in defiance of our social order.
If the casual adulterer or the man who suspects a Don Juan complex within himself, or the philanderer-or any man who is in question about his sexual activities-wants a basic answer or guide, perhaps he may be wise to refer to the basic tenets of our laws.
Thus, if his sexual behavior offends the society within which he lives, then he can well anticipate trouble. If his behavior does not particularly offend society, yet is disturbing to himself, then he may be well advised to seek psychiatric help, especially if the problem affects others in his family or others who may be close to him.
Don Juanism may make a happy marriage an impossibility.
The philanderer can easily destroy a marriage.
A satyr, because he is the victim of a sex drive that may be vicious and beyond control, should certainly be under proper psychiatric and medical care. He may commit rape or murder in the madness of his insatiable sex desires.
As Louis Bisch, M.D. says in his introduction to Caprio's The Sexually Adequate Male: "What do most men know about sex anyway? They believe that sex is purely physical, yet the mental and emotional correlates are decidedly more important."
CHAPTER THREE
Nymphomania
Nymphomania is generally defined as excessive or even morbid and uncontrollable sexual desire in a female.
There has been a contemporary tendency to use the word a trifle loosely. Not infrequently a woman is described as being a "nymphomaniac" when in reality she may be merely promiscuous, or more active sexually than most women appear to be.
What might be considered a very high frequency of sexual relations by one woman may be considered normal by another. It is not uncommon for women in marriage to experience desire and intercourse seven to fourteen or more times weekly, or possibly only two or three times a week, and often much less. What may be satisfactory for one woman may not be for another. Age and other conditions influence the frequency.
A study by Terman disclosed that 51.8 per cent of middleclass married women under the age of twenty-five years desired intercourse five to twelve times a month. Between twenty-five and thirty-four years of age the number had increased to 53.4 per cent, and then dropped to 31.2 per cent for those between thirty-five and forty-four years of age. Other studies show comparable results.
In Sex and the Love Life, William J. Fielding points out that in some cases the sex drive in the nymphomaniac becomes uncontrollable, and likens it to the equivalent condition of satyriasis in the male. He states that the cause is usually a cerebral one, "affecting that portion of the brain which controls and regulates sexual feeling." He observes that a genuine case of nymphomania is hardly safe at large and probably should be confined.
Fred Brown, Ph.D. and Rudolph T. Kempton, Ph.D. describe two types of such individuals. "The first type may be explained as the result of some disturbance of the glands influencing the sex life. Over activity of these glands sets up a drive which is unappeasable."
They then describe the second type as resulting from largely psychological roots in the personal make-up of the individual. They observe that the intense preoccupation with sex represents an escape from feelings of inferiority, which are momentarily relieved during intercourse-only to return afterward.
It is probably this interpretation of nymphomania that most of us recognize today.
When we enter into the psychological phases of the problem, we find that the figure of Don Juan has a feminine counterpart in the byways of sex.
Messalina was the third wife of the Roman Emperor Claudius, who subsequently had her executed at the age of twenty-six, after she had blazed a trail of sexual promiscuity for a few short years that assured her a rather startling place in history.
Many of the men she used she had executed on the following dawn, especially if they failed to please her. She commanded men to her bed as other rulers might command servants to perform a simple obeisance. She spent nights in brothels to experience the venal knowledge of the prostitute. Her greatest interest in life was sexual adventure.
As a type of woman in our society of today, the Messalina type runs a close parallel to the Don Juan. As the Don Juan may be obsessed with a mother fixation ,the Messalina may have a father fixation, hating all men because they cannot replace her father. As Wengraf states, "A girl with a strong father fixation most frequently becomes a nymphomaniac or prostitute."
If she is fighting unconscious homosexual tendencies, she does so by attempting to be the opposite of the lesbian, trying through many affairs with men to prove a heterosexuality of which she is not really certain.
Actually the histories of these women usually show an inevitable failure to achieve sexual fulfillment-the most important symptom of frigidity. Many of them may show every evidence of greatly enjoying the sex act, and do enjoy it, yet apparently never obtain full normal satisfaction through coitus.
The nymphomania of such women takes the form of an excessive desire for sexual relations because their erotic appetites never are adequately fulfilled.
Thus promiscuity may become almost synonymous with the modern concept of nymphomania, especially when the promiscuity is excessive. This also is true in history. Messalina was not the only nymphomaniac of fame. Cleopatra is alleged to have had intercourse with 106 men in a brothel in an effort to satisfy her abnormal sexual desires. Catherine II of Russia is reported to have had affairs with eighty-two men. Preceding her was Catherine I, who had strong sexual appetites which she satiated with numerous lovers.
This area of nymphomania also has often been identified with alcoholic women, who are possibly driven to both excesses by the same cause or causes.
Karpman tells of an alcoholic woman who was homosexually fixed on her sister and confessed to more than three hundred heterosexual relations. In commenting on the case he says, "Such a situation also involves an exaggerated defense mechanism. Denying herself what she wants and denying that she wants it, she plunges into a continual orgy represented by its opposite. Messalina, like Don Juan, is often a disguised homosexual. Insatiability is almost invariably an index to an unconscious, unsatisfied desire."
The true nymphomaniac will, in most cases, sooner or later come under medical care, especially when her condition is such that she must be confined.
The woman whose nymphomania is more closely associated with promiscuity-the flight from latent homosexuality, the desperate search to find relief for frigidity-and who seeks psychiatric help, does so voluntarily, or through the efforts and help of relatives and others who are deeply concerned with her.
Such a woman was Gladys, who went to a psychiatrist for help. Her story reveals, to an extent, the suffering and trouble that may be encountered by a woman afflicted with nymphomania.
When Gladys came to the doctor she was twenty-seven years of age, divorced, and employed in an office as a private secretary. She was of medium height, well formed, with brown hair and eyes. She dressed tastefully, spoke in a cultured, modulated voice, and her academic background included two years of college.
She was one of three children in a middle-class family. Her father was employed as a credit manager in a large store. Her mother was active in club work and other civic enterprises. Gladys' two brothers were both older.
Gladys first became aware of a strong sexual drive when she was in high school. She described her awareness in graphic detail:
"Even before high school I liked to play kissing games. I was interested in everything about kissing and sometimes when I was in grade school and boys were misbehaving by lifting up the girls' dresses, I used to scream and run with the rest of the girls, but I secretly wanted to be caught. I suppose that there is something of the exhibitionist in me.
"In high school I began to neck and pet with the boys almost as soon as I had dates. I didn't go steady with any one boy for my first two years, but I had plenty of dates.
"The boys sometimes seemed to be a little frightened by my intensity when we were necking. I couldn't help it. I seemed to become tremendously passionate almost as soon as a boy kissed me or held me."
Many times she was tempted to yield her virginity to one of these boys, but the fear of pregnancy and the stigma of loss of virtue, as impressed upon her by her mother, restrained her from surrendering.
Her first heterosexual experience occurred during her freshman year at a state college. The events leading to the experience, and their significance, probably can best be related in her version as reconstructed here:
Bob was in one of my classes. He was several years older than I and had served overseas with the Army. He was going through school on his GI bill of rights.
I was attracted to him from the moment I first saw him. He was tall and well built, with dark hair and very dark brown eyes, much like my father's. In fact, there was a definite resemblance.
I managed to meet him during the first week of school and before long we were seeing quite a bit of one another. He didn't have a car and most of our dates were at the library, or for a show in an evening, coffee dates, and walks on the campus.
One night it was chilly with the first frost of autumn in the air. A sharp wind had come up and walking on the campus was not very enjoyable. We stopped at a place for coffee, but it was noisy and we couldn't talk.
"Why don't you come over to my place?" he suggested. "It would be all right."
Bob rented a small room over a comer grocery store. He lived alone in the building and there was a back stairs up to his room.
"Someone might see me go there," I protested. "I wouldn't want anyone to think-"
"No one would see you," he interrupted. "It's almost dark now. And you'll be all right, if that's it. I mean, I won't get out of line."
"I Wasn't worrying about that," I smiled. "It's just that...." I hesitated. I thought that I probably really was bending over backward a little bit. In this day and age it wasn't unusual for women to go alone to men's apartments. At least it wasn't in the fiction I read, or in some of the movies.
"We can fix coffee," he said. "I've a phonograph and music. That is, if you like classical."
"I love it," I told him.
"Then, what's keeping us?" he grinned.
Almost defiantly I left with him and we hurried through residential streets near the campus and finally up the stairs to his room. There was a new oil heater and he lit it and then put coffee on a small electric range. The room was comfortable and well equipped. His bed converted into a daybed and he had a corduroy cover on it. He was a surprisingly good housekeeper, and I liked the books he had and the good portable phonograph and the records neatly stored on a shelf.
He took my coat and motioned me to the daybed. "Easiest sitting," he explained. "Cigarette?" He brought out a package and gave it to me with his lighter. He took my coat to a closet and hung it up while I lit a cigarette and then watched him trail a finger across stacked record jackets until he selected one. He took the platter out of the jacket and put it on the turntable.
"Bruckner's Ninth," he explained to me. "Maybe a little heavy for the occasion, but you may as well get used to my music now. We'll get what you like, too."
"Ballet," I said. "A lot of the symphonies. Concertos. No Bartok, please. I guess I'm just old-fashioned enough to like the old masters."
"Not even Copland?"
"But Rodeo-of course! I adore it!"
"Tchaikovsky? Sleeping Beauty? Swan Lake?"
"Certainly. Berlioz. Respighi. Mozart."
"Mahler. Prokofiev."
"Gershwin!"
We burst out laughing at the quick game of names and the mutual sharing of likes. Suddenly I felt as if I had known Bob a long time. The music of Bruckner's Ninth was new and exciting to me. The coffee began to perk on the stove and the heat from the heater crept through the room.
We rested back on the daybed and drank coffee and listened to music. We talked in brief snatches of words, not needing many to share our mood.
He played several symphonies and then put on Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue. He came back and sat down beside me and I opened sleepy eyes and looked at him. Our eyes met as the music filled the room in Gershwin's particular enchantment.
I shut my eyes as Bob's face came close to me and my arms went around him even as he pulled me to him. He kissed me, gently at first, and then hard and almost angrily, something like the music. I responded completely to him.
The times that I had resisted temptation before were forgotten now. With my eyes shut I returned his kisses with increasing abandon. I felt his hands upon me and made no effort to stop him. The feel of the corduroy was soft and pleasant against my skin. The record had stopped and there was a click and another fell into place. I recognized Ravel's Bolero. I knew why he had selected it-the insinuating rhythm, the mood.
He hurt me for a few seconds. I cried out in pain and then I waited for everything to happen; all the things I had imagined; the way I thought it must be-the unexplored, great mystery that I had saved and guarded so much.
After a while the room and the moment and everything about me seemed to grow immense. I was conscious of the vigor and assault of Bob's body, and most of all that I was feeling virtually nothing.
"Is this all there is to it?" I asked myself, almost fearfully. "There must be morel"
I tried to respond to Bob's love-making, but it was no use. I felt no excitement, no pleasure. Suddenly I thought about my father and felt a strong sense of guilt.
Then it was over and Bob was whispering. "Darling, you were wonderful. Are you all right?"
"It was the first time," I said quietly.
"I'm sorry ... I didn't know...."
"Don't be sorry. It was better for you. Maybe the next time for me. Is that the way it is, Bob?"
"Sure," he said. "That's the way it is. The first time usually isn't so good for the girl. Later...."
We were drowsy in the heat of the room. Another record fell into place. Violins and semi classical mood music. I guess we slept a little. Then Bob was making love to me again. But it proved to be no better than the first time.
I didn't tell him, though I was very disappointed. Everything would seem to have been so perfect for us including the safety of being alone and undisturbed in Bob's room. Yet is wasn't even as good as when I had been in necking parties with high school kids.
After her seduction, Gladys entered into an affair with Bob that lasted until the following spring. During that time she regularly had relations with him. She insisted that she failed to reach a "climax" with him during any of the occasions they were together, but that she enjoyed the act to a certain extent.
At a party shortly before returning home for the summer vacation, she quarreled with Bob and became involved with other men.
Again her first-person account better tells the story:
By spring, Bob and I had progressed pretty far with our affair. In some ways it was like being married. About two weeks before school was out, we went to a party out in the country. The couple giving the party were married and attended school. They had rented an old farmhouse, and it was a wonderful place for a party.
There was plenty to drink and I had more than I usually do. As a matter-of-fact, I guess everyone did. At any rate, I was in the kitchen with a boy named Fred and we were doing a little necking when Bob came in.
Bob didn't drink well. He usually became surly. He was at his worst that night. When he came in and caught us kissing he pulled me away from Fred and slapped my face. "You little bitch!" he snapped. "Two-timing me!"
Fred got between us and I thought there was going to be a fight. I grabbed Fred's arm.
"Please don't," I begged. "Please don't."
"But he shouldn't slap you like that!"
"Why not?" Bob demanded, almost drunkenly. "Why not? She's mine. I'm the guy who's sleeping with her. Who has a better right?"
It was my turn to be angry. I was ashamed and furious with what he had said. I slapped him hard. When he came at me again, Fred shoved him away.
"Take it easy, Bob," he said angrily. "You'd better shut up and get out of here. You shouldn't talk that way."
"'S truth," Bob said. "She's mine."
"Not any more," I said. I meant it. I wouldn't be humiliated this way by anyone, no matter how true his statement might be. "This is it. I mean it."
Bob swayed a little, glaring at me. "Okay!" he said. "So okay! Sleep with Fred. You're not much good, anyhow. You're frigid."
He turned and walked away unsteadily. I never had seen him so drunk. And his words left me cold and angry and terribly ashamed. Tears blinded me.
"Forget it, Gladys," Fred said. He took me in his arms again. "Do you mean it, though? Are you through with him?"
I looked up at Fred and suddenly I felt that I had to prove that I was through with Bob. That all he had said was a lie. That I was not frigid. That I was as good as any woman could be in bed.
"Does it matter to you?" I asked bluntly.
"A great deal, baby."
A feeling of guilt and doubt washed over me, then I pushed it aside. All of a sudden I didn't care, even though I knew I was about to do a degrading, shameful thing.
"You come with me," I said. "Now. Outside. Somewhere in the dark out there in the warm night."
"You mean that, Gladys?"
I heard the excitement in his voice and I liked it. I'd show Bob. I'd show Fred how much of a woman I really was. I grabbed his hand and we went out into the night. We stumbled across a big back yard and into a field where there was a grove of trees. The sound of the party was far away when we stopped.
"You meant what you said?" Fred asked huskily, looking down at me.
"I meant it," I said. I pushed close to him and clung tight until he lifted my face and kissed me hard.
We didn't need more words. It was a warm spring night and I didn't wear many clothes. Then I was hugging him and wondering if it was really better than it was with Bob. It wasn't. There wasn't much difference. Just the strangeness of another man; different words; a different expression of excitement; but the movements, the ritual of love was almost the same-and exactly the same in one way because I wasn't getting anything out of it. Suddenly it was over.
Later we returned to the party. Neither of us said much. Fred seemed a little ashamed and I was secretly disgusted with myself. He had brought a girl friend of mine and they were going together pretty steadily. I felt a little sad about that.
Bob had left. Another boy, Howard, said he would take me home. I didn't like him very well. He was on the football team and was large and strong and bull-like. But I didn't want to bother any of the couples, so I agreed to go with him. We had a couple of drinks and left. He seemed anxious to get me away from the party.
I soon learned why he was anxious. He turned off into a lonely side road and parked.
"Okay, baby," he grinned. "You put out for Bob-you can for me, too."
"That isn't so! You can't-"
"I was standing near the kitchen door. I heard," he said. "So how's about it, chick?"
He didn't give me much chance to protest. He was too large and too strong. It was almost rape, except that I really made only a small token resistance. Deep down I was thinking that maybe this time it would be like it was supposed to be. Only it wasn't. It was worse. He was rough and hurt me.
After it was over, I fought back tears. "Take me home," I insisted. "Please. Right now."
This began the real pattern of Gladys' promiscuity. It continued throughout the summer, and during the three months before her return to school she had intercourse with eight different men. At no time did she experience a climax with any of them, but she insisted that she enjoyed the intercourse despite the lack or orgasm.
During these months, she admitted, she had an intense feeling of guilt when she was with her father or upon seeing him on the morning after she had been with a man.
"He was always very affectionate with me. It was a family joke that I was his favorite, although he tried hard to show no favoritism toward any of us children. And, of course, I adored him!"
Upon her return to school she soon became involved with a number of male students and by mid-term had indulged in sexual relations with at least ten of them. During the spring term she had her most serious love affair up to that time with another student whose name was John, and who also resembled her father in several respects.
Shortly after she returned home from school that spring she discovered that she was pregnant. John asked her to marry him and they were married in July of that year. It was a church wedding and Gladys' parents were not aware that she was pregnant.
"I simply couldn't face my father with what I had done," Gladys declared. "John and I decided that we'd try to convince everyone that it was a seven-month baby."
The couple quit school and John accepted a job in another city, working for an uncle as a salesman. He was quite successful and within a short time he was earning a good salary. In November Gladys had a miscarriage. The loss of the child had a depressing effect upon her. Gladys' story continues:
I really wanted my baby and sometimes I had a deep feeling that losing it was repayment for the way I had acted before my marriage. I was very depressed about it, and somehow I seemed to care less about John than I had.
Maybe some of this was because he was becoming very active in his sales work and attended a great many evening meetings. He also joined a number of organizations. He began to drink a little heavily and he liked to bring salesmen and prospects home. He enjoyed entertaining and we spent quite a bit of money on liquor.
During my pregnancy we had had relations only a few times and after the miscarriage we followed a more frequent pattern. Although I enjoyed it to a degree, I still was unable to experience the full relief that should be normal.
Then during the Christmas season we had a number of parties that really turned into drunken brawls. Some of the people John invited were most uninhibited.
Sometime during the first of these parties I found myself in our back bedroom with the door locked and a man I hardly knew making love to me. We both were far from sober and the scene still is unclear to me, except that it was unsatisfactory and that the man was ill afterward. But the experience served to set me off again on my sexual craziness. Before the night was over I had entertained another of John's friends in the same back bedroom.
No one noticed. Most everyone was too drunk to notice or care and John was paying a great deal of attention to a blond stenographer from someone's office.
That party really started it for me. I began to drink heavily and my sexual activities kept pace with my drinking.
Within a year John and I were divorced, and by then my restlessness had involved me with at least thirty or forty men. The year that followed my divorce was even worse. I never seemed to be able to turn down a date, nor refuse to have intercourse with my date before the evening was over.
I seemed to be on a crazy, distorted merry-go-round, forever seeking relief, and never finding it. And always in the back of my mind was a feeling of dirtiness and shame. I drank much too much. I had trouble with some of the men. I became involved with married men whose wives found out about me.
At times I made resolutions to stop but my will power wasn't strong enough to restrain the devil of desire inside me that kept driving me on.
Finally I met Mac. He seemed to understand me, and he married me knowing all about me. That's why I'm here. That's why I'm seeking help. I want this to work for his sake as much as mine. I really love him and I want' to make our marriage work. I want to forget the wild excesses I've been guilty of. I want to be a good wife to Mac-but I need guidance. Somebody has to show me the way.
Gladys appeal to a psychiatrist was largely successful. Details of her childhood were probed into and brought to life. Her tendency toward a father fixation was explored and explained. Her frigidity received the same treatment. With complete explanations and discussions, Gladys gradually was able to solve many of her own problems. She was intelligent and very serious about wanting relief from those problems.
A tremendous aid for her was found in her second husband, Mac. The many facets of Gladys' problems were carefully explained to him. He learned the necessity of careful and skilled love-making with his wife. He learned the rewards of patience and understanding.
Gladys eventually began to find normal relief in intercourse with her husband. She stopped drinking. In the second year of their marriage she became pregnant. The arrival of the child evidently completed an important phase of Gladys' readjustment.
At the last report, she was apparently leading a happy and normal married life with Mac.
Gladys' case is only one example which demonstrates that the nymphomania usually associated with psychological factors in the patient's life can often be cured, or at least helped considerably.
In some cases this may not be true. The woman who is a strong latent homosexual, and who is running from the tendency through promiscuity, may have a great deal of difficulty in adjusting to heterosexual life. A homosexual life might be so much more normal-in the scientific exactness of the word-for her than heterosexual relations, that it may be virtually impossible to help her materially toward a satisfactory heterosexual existence.
Of course the nymphomaniac who suffers from a glandular disturbance or other physical disorder is a medical problem and must be treated as one. For some of these unfortunates there probably never can be lasting help. For others there is excellent chance for complete rehabilitation.
Meanwhile, the average layman should view the accusation that a woman is a "nympho" or "nymphomaniac" with a good deal of reservation.
He should remember that the true nymphomaniac is a very ill person and normally will be confined. The others within the popular conception of "nymphomania" may be promiscuous. They may be frigid. They may be latent homosexuals.
But, most poignantly, the average layman should remember that when the frequency of sexual relations is under consideration, what may be considered "abnormal" by some may be considered "normal" by others. A highly sexed woman who desires frequent intercourse with the husband she loves is not necessarily a nymphomaniac. If she evidences every indication of being happy, and if her husband is not unhappy, nor under a physical strain from the frequency of intercourse, it is doubtful if the condition can logically be called unhealthy. Nor should that woman be called a "nymphomaniac."
And for the promiscuous, the frigid and the latent homosexual seeking refuge in promiscuity, relief and happiness can often be found in good psychiatric treatment.
CHAPTER FOUR
Incest
Therapist:
How old were you when this happened, Cynthia?
Patient:
I was fifteen.
Therapist:
Your mother and your brother and sister were at the beach. You and your father were alone. Is that right?
Patient:
That's right. I had to have some dental work done so I stayed in town that week. My father and I were going down and join the family the following week-end.
Therapist:
Now ... do you think you can tell me about it? What happened between you and your father?
Patient:
He came into my bedroom and had intercourse with me.
Therapist:
But you talked before that, didn't you?
Wasn't there some conversation?
Patient:
Yes. We'd talked about sex the night before.
He said it was time I learned about it. That there were things I should know. He explained a lot to me.
Therapist:
Things you didn't know before?
Patient:
I knew about some of them. Kids now know quite a bit by the time they're fifteen. I was no exception.
Therapist:
Had you felt attracted to your father before?
Did you know that he was attracted that way to you?
Patient:
Yes ... yes, I think so.
Therapist:
And he excited you?
Patient:
Yes I think it started long before that. I liked to sit on his lap, to touch him, to kiss him ... I mean, it wasn't the same as it was before. When I was younger. And I guess I did a little daydreaming and thought things I probably shouldn't have thought-though I was ashamed afterward....
* * *
This is part of a conversation between a therapist and a patient. The patient, now an adult woman, was seeking relief from frigidity in hopes of saving a marriage that was rapidly disintegrating. Later we will go further into Cynthia's case, but for the present we shall use this portion of the case history as our introduction into the puzzling subject of incest-one of the most harrowing and disturbing of all emotional problems-which was largely responsible for Cynthia's frigidity.
Incest is commonly defined as: "The crime of cohabitation between persons related within the degrees wherein marriage is prohibited by law."
London and Caprio in Sexual Deviations define incest as: "Sexual relations between those related by blood."
In relation to a legal definition it should be noted, however, that in some states blood relationship is not necessary. Relations between stepmother and stepson may be considered incest, until the death of the natural parent (Barrett & Shaeffer, 1939). Sometimes the framework of incest is defined to include cousins, and sometimes not.
Today the word "incest" has assumed such a negative connotation, as a result of the great taboo that it breaks, that a large part of the populace condemns it as so abominable that it must not even be thought about or discussed. Incest is the unthinkable, the absolutely forbidden, the completely unnatural, and perhaps the cardinal sin of sex.
Historically, incest has been by no means completely "beyond the pale" in all civilizations. The Ptolemies, rulers of ancient Egypt, sustained the "pure blood line" for three hundred years by marriages between brothers and sisters. Seven Pharaohs thus sought to perpetuate their names, and it is indicated that the offspring from these incestuous marriages were persons of exceptional ability and intelligence, somewhat refuting the often quoted observation that incest always breeds weakness and dissolution. However, a physical weakness or disorder may well be carried on through incest.
Ancient rulers of Hawaii are said to have followed the same custom, and there are rather numerous instances where the practice has been permitted elsewhere.
In the pre-Mosaic era the Jews allowed marriage between children of the same father, but not of the same mother. Thus Abraham was free to have Sarah for his wife although she was his stepsister. Later on the rule became more strict and not only were marriages between brother and sister banned, but any sexual relationship between near relatives was prohibited.
Myth and legend give us many examples of incest. Outstanding is the legend of Oedipus, the king who slew his father and married his mother. This is the source of the Oedipus complex described by Freud and now a psychiatrically accepted description of a son's emotional attachment to his mother. The Electra complex defines a daughter's excessive emotional attachment to her father.
In today's society we may prefer to believe that incest does not exist, but it does. This was pointed out by Courtney Riley Cooper in 1939 when he reported a New York study showing that in 10 per cent of New York rape cases, a father, uncle or brother was involved.
Walter Bromberg in 1948 reported in Crime and the Mind that: "More cases occur than are brought to court. Incest between father and daughter is most frequent; even more common are relations between father and stepdaughter."
Manfred S. Guttmacher states in Sex Offenses, the Problem, Causes and Prevention: "Statutory rape and incest show a high correlation with the culture level of the social group. In lower socio-economic levels incest is more common than is thought. Many cases do not come to the attention of the police. Brother-sister incest is most common. Mother-son relations are rare, father-daughter relations are more common."
Obviously the very nature of the offense makes it most difficult to detect, and those cases which come to light usually do so through trouble that may come from the incestuous relations. A daughter tells a mother about the father's transgression. A daughter becomes pregnant and the situation comes to light. Relatives learn of incest in the family and ask for medical help. Neighbors observe unhealthy sexual situations and report them to authorities. Occasionally a person involved appeals for help from a doctor.
Because of the comparative ease with which the condition may be concealed, there are many cases that are never reported, and so never come to the attention of the police to become a part of the national statistical picture of crime. Even when incest is involved in legal action, the act may be disguised by other terminology, such as "contributing to a minor's delinquency" or rape. Consequently, the low incidence of incest reported in crime statistics may be very misleading. The observations of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, anthropologists and others confirm this.
Among studies made of the problem in our contemporary civilization, one reported by Dr. S. Kirson Weinberg in Incest Behavior reveals interesting statistics from a study of 203 cases of incest.
Weinberg reports four incest combinations that comprise the cases, divided as follows: 159 involved father and daughter, 37 involved brother and sister, 2 involved mother and son, and 5 were combinations involving father and daughter, brother and sister.
By socioeconomic classification, 5.9 per cent were in the comfortable socioeconomic level, 19.2 per cent were in the middle level, and 55 per cent were in the lower level.
The average age of the fathers involved was 43.5 years; the daughters averaged 15.3, the brothers 24, and the sisters 19.3.
Educationally speaking, the fathers averaged five years of formal schooling, 14 per cent having no formal schooling and being illiterate, 81.7 per cent having between one and eight years of schooling, 4.3 per cent having attended high school. There were none with college degrees.
Brothers who were involved in incest had slightly more education than fathers who were involved, and 69.1 per cent of the daughters involved were in the fifth-through the eighth-grade interval.
Of the fathers, 64.3 per cent were rated in intelligence as being dull, normal or below; 26.5 per cent had average or above average intelligence; and 9.2 per cent were of superior intelligence.
From this sampling of incest cases, it is quickly apparent that incest may strike in families of many kinds, on various socioeconomic levels, and in families that may be considered as quite normal in behavior by outsiders who are not aware of what goes on behind the family's closed doors.
The taboo against incest exists, biologically speaking, only among humans. The animal world does not recognize incest and there is no doubt about incestuous mating among many animals; a mother cat and her son; brother and sister dogs; the combinations of incest among horses. To believe that some miraculous instinct prevents such mating among animals is to subscribe to a fallacy.
Therefore, it becomes obvious that the prohibition of incest is "man-made." It is not necessarily a "law of nature." Why it was established as a taboo is somewhat of a mystery.
In his book In Man: His First Million Years Ashley Montagu writes: "The origin of the incest prohibition has puzzled anthropologists for many years, and there have been many theories. The most widely accepted is that incest was an artificially created dislike designed to encourage marriages outside the group. It is assumed that the prohibition is very ancient, and that what it was designed to achieve was to place members of one's own group in that of a neighboring group to act, as it were, as ambassadors." Karpman says in The Sexual Offender and His Offenses: "Incest is not anti-biological per se. Procreation can result from an incestuous union. But it violates all established social laws in a vast majority of cultures, and society does not recognize an issue of such a union....The prohibitions against incest are essentially cultural ones."
Weinberg observes that psychiatrists and psychoanalysts consider incest as one form of perversion; and that psychologists are generally interested in the mental levels and the motives of incest participants, classifying incest offenders with other sex offenders of a criminal nature. They are inclined to believe that the incest aversion is not instinctive, but a product of education.
Many psychiatrists accept the Oedipus complex theory enunciated by Freud, who stated in A General Introduction to Psychoanalysis: "The first choice of object of mankind is regularly an incestuous one, directed to the mother and sister of men, and the most stringent prohibitions are required to prevent this sustained infantile tendency from being carried into effect."
Social workers, psychologists, law enforcement personnel and psychiatrists tend to view present-day incest in terms of factors brought about by contemporary living.
It has been noted that incest is frequently found where housing is crowded and living conditions are poor. It has not been too unusual, where sleeping conditions are crowded, that a father and daughter have slept together with incestuous results; likewise brothers and sisters. Lack of privacy encourages a breakdown of barriers.
Intoxication has resulted in incest when fathers or brothers have consumed too much liquor and virtually attacked daughters or sisters.
Among the poorly educated, especially among some of foreign birth, it has occasionally been a custom for the father to cohabit with a daughter when she arrives at puberty.
These are not the only contributing causes of incest. The abnormal tensions and twisted drives of the neurotic and the psychotic may also be responsible for incest.
Whatever the causes, the fact must be recognized that incest does exist in our society. How it may be prevented or "cured" remains the job for those best qualified to handle such problems.
It is quite possible that a jail sentence for an incestuous father may not be the "cure" for him, although it may be punishment. Nor is it possible to determine how successful the psychiatrist or psychologist can be in helping the father adjust to the laws and customs concerning incest. It still must be remembered that incest violates no biological law-only a "man-made" law.
It is to be noted that incest, along with some other "unusual" practices such as homosexuality, is a deviation from the norm in our own American culture. Anthropological investigations reveal all sorts of practices in other cultures which would be taboo in ours. It was not very long ago that a woman to be seen unescorted was a 'shocking thing," as was the circumstance of women smoking. One must be very careful in deciding what is abnormal or what is normal, what is "right" or "wrong."
For complete understanding and treatment it is obvious that each case must be treated individually. The case of Cynthia, used to introduce this chapter, is an example. A closer review of her case amplifies the information we already have revealed.
Cynthia, age 27, married
Cynthia's family was in the upper-middle-class social and economic level. Her father was an office worker of some stature. The family held a good social position in the town, and was well respected. The mother was active in civic affairs and church work. The father was equally active in a service club, a fraternal organization, their church and other civic enterprises. He seldom drank, and was considered to be a 'substantial citizen."
The children were intelligent and popular in school. Cynthia, the oldest, matured early physically and at fifteen years of age was well developed and very pretty.
Several incidents before her seduction by her father are of particular interest in the case study.
When Cynthia was fourteen, she became acutely aware of sex in relation to her father when he was helping her learn to swim.
As she described the occurrence, they had been alone in the water for a short time when he placed his hand on her breast.
"You're no longer a little girl," he smiled.
Cynthia blushed in sudden embarrassment. She drew back a little from him and he dropped his hand and continued to smile at her.
"Has any boy ever tried to do that?" he asked.
Her blush mounted and she shook her head.
"I wouldn't let any boy do that," she protested. "Mother's told me about it."
"Boys are certain to try," he said.
"Dad! That's ... that's awful...."
"After you're married, you'll understand that it really isn't. It's perfectly natural. And you'll be a very beautiful woman. You'll welcome your husband's caress."
He saw her tears and the anguish of shock and shame that he was causing her and then he took his hand away and put an arm around her.
"Don't, sweetheart," he soothed her. "I just want you to understand these things for your own good. This is our little secret, just between you and me. And if any boy makes advances, you must be certain to tell me. I'll always understand. No matter what may happen ... even if you weaken and can't stop him from doing other things. I'll understand that, too. Just as long as you tell me."
Cynthia nodded, unable to say anything, and frightened because of the odd feelings her father's hand had awakened in her.
The father quickly changed the subject and shortly afterward they left the water. Nothing more was said about the incident.
The next winter, shortly after Cynthia's fifteenth birthday, a second incident occurred when he walked into her room and found her unclothed.
Cynthia watched him, motionless, startled by his unexpected entrance. She felt a breathlessness catch at her, oddly pleased by the admiration and pleasure she saw in his face as he looked at her young body.
"You're very lovely," he told her. He went to her and pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Cynthia responded to his kiss, suddenly eager to please him even more. "I'm very proud of you, my dear," he added. "You're already a beautiful woman."
He then quickly changed the subject again, as he had the day in the water, and a few moments later he left her.
That night Cynthia dreamed about her father and that he was taking liberties with her. She awoke from her dream and was conscious of a great restlessness in her body.
In the ensuing weeks of spring and early summer the unspoken and unacknowledged attraction between father and daughter became stronger. Cynthia took opportunities to be near her father and to solicit his caresses. No one else in the family seemed to notice the attention the father gave to the girl.
The culmination of the relationship came about when the father came to her bedroom and had intercourse with her.
After the act had been completed the father evidenced a deep sense of guilt and warned his daughter not to mention what had happened to the mother. As for Cynthia, the experience had been a tremendous shock to her and her mind was a riot of pleasure, pain and confusion. Her affection for her father remained warm and strong, yet a deep sense of sin made her secretly fearful and despondent.
"We mustn't ever let it happen again, must we?" he said, his features suddenly tinged with worry and shame.
She sensed the way he was including her in the guilt, and she remembered her daydreams, and the things she so often had imagined. Perhaps she really was as guilty as he was.
"No. We won't ever again," she whispered.
Evidently the one overt act had been too devastating to the father's conscience. It did not happen again, and it was never mentioned between them. The father showed a definite restraint toward her afterward, in relation to physical contact, yet was most considerate about other things and was exceptionally liberal with money for her and buying her things she desired.
The experience resulted in a letdown in her natural sexual reticence with high school boys with whom she dated, and in the following autumn she allowed a 'steady" boy friend to take liberties with her until she permitted intercourse in his car after a Christmas party.
The boy's excitement was too great for sustained intercourse and it was completed within a few moments.
"Is that all?" Cynthia asked, softly.
"I'm sorry. I guess ... I mean, I...." The boy tried to find something to say.
"But it was so quick," she said, somehow feeling cheated.
For several weeks after the party Cynthia lived in terror until she had a menstrual period and knew that she was not pregnant.
Several times afterward she had relations with other high school boys, and later had a number of affairs with men in college. She experienced no full satisfaction from any of them, and realized that she invariably compared each boy or man with her father.
The weight of guilt that surrounded the act of incest became greater as she grew older. She developed a deep dislike for her father, which had grown almost to bitterness by the time he died, in her senior year in college.
After college she married, and again she failed to achieve complete fulfillment in the sexual act. It resulted in divorce after two years.
When she was twenty-six years of age, she married a second time after she had found a measure of satisfaction with a slightly older man. Within a year after the marriage ceremony, she realized that her frigidity had returned. Shortly afterward, in desperation, she sought medical aid. Therapy was successful and she eventually made a satisfactory readjustment in her marriage and sex life.
Cynthia's case demonstrates the extent of psychic trauma that may result from incest. There are other cases that have a greater simplicity of events and less significant results.
Here is the story of Mary T., a well-developed, black-haired girl of nineteen, whose father was accused of incest by the mother. An older brother, Sam, also was involved.
The family resided in a run-down, overcrowded apartment in a poorer section of a city. The father was a day laborer of foreign birth. The mother had married him before coming to this country. There were seven children. Sam, the brother, was oldest. Mary was the second child and the other children were younger.
Sam, at the time of his father's arrest, had been arrested twice, once for drunkenness and once for assault and battery. He worked at odd jobs and had a record in the neighborhood of typical juvenile delinquency during his adolescence.
Mary was a product of the same neighborhood. Here are the highlights of her story, told in her own words:
Mary, age 19, unmarried
Let's not make a big thing of this. I don't like it. It was one big mess. But it happened and what's to be done now? It started quite a while ago. Actually when I was about fourteen.
I remember the first time. It was on a Saturday night. Ma and the kids were all out. I think Ma had worked that week as a cleaning woman and had some money and took everyone to a show. I'd gone that afternoon with a girl friend, and Pop hadn't come home from work.
That wasn't unusual. Saturday was payday and Pop sometimes used to take on a load before he got home.
I was listening to the radio when Pop got home. He had a load on, all right. A real one. He stood in the doorway and grinned at me.
"Where's a family?" he asked.
"Gone," I said, annoyed because I was trying to listen to the music.
"Show? Huh?"
"I think so. Yeah. Mrs. Malone said so. Look, Pop ... I'm tryin' to listen. Quiet, huh?"
"Sure. You're my baby. I'll be quiet. You're my big baby now. You're a big girl, huh? Stand up, Mary. Let me look at you."
"Oh, Pop ... cut it out. You've got a load on."
"Stand up, Mary. You hear me? Huh? You stand up and let your father look at you."
When he used that tone of voice, you might as well give up. Or get slapped around the room. I stood up and he looked at me. He really looked at me and right then I got scared. I knew what he was thinking.
"Look, Pop ... I got to go downstairs. Maybe I'd better go now. Okay?"
"Not goin' nowhere," he said. His voice sounded thicker, suddenly, and his eyes were narrowing. He began to walk toward me. I could smell the whiskey he'd been drinking. And I could see his big hands ready to reach for me.
"Pop! Please...." I started to back away from him, but it wasn't any use. He reached for me and his big hands hurt me.
"Time your old man made a woman outa you," he said.
I started to scream and he slapped me hard. I went down on the floor and he reached down for me and pulled me up. Then he threw me on a bed and raped me. That's all there was to it. He simply raped me and then told me to hide the dress he'd torn, or to fix it so my mother wouldn't know.
Then he went out and I did what I could to cover up what had happened. I cried a long time afterward. Believe me, I was miserable. But I made sure I was in bed when the others got home. One of my sisters got in bed with me and I pretended I was asleep. A long time later I woke up when my father came home. He was so drunk he could hardly walk. When my mother started to nag him, he hit her.
That was the first time.
I didn't dare tell anyone what had happened because I was so ashamed. As for Pop, he acted as if it hadn't happened. A few weeks later he caught me again when I was alone. I begged and pleaded with him to let me alone but he was so drunk he didn't hear a word I said.
After that my whole life went to pieces. A month or so later some of the boys in the neighborhood caught me and ganged me. It happened every once in a while in that neighborhood. There wasn't much that could be done about it. You didn't dare say anything for fear of what they'd do to you. So you tried not to scream in the dark basement while they took what they wanted. It was like being a bug that you'd step on. To those punks a girl was just something to be used.
When I was sixteen my brother Sam caught me alone in the apartment one day after he'd had some drinks.
"I hear you're pretty good in bed," he said.
"That's what you hear," I snapped. "Forget it. I'm in nobody's bed."
"You've had it, though," he grinned. "The guys got you a couple of years ago. I know about that."
"You probably told them to," I said. Sometimes I hated him. Sometimes I liked him. It was a funny kind of thing between Sam and me.
He looked at me now with a strange smile and finally said, "Tell me, sis-did the old man ever get to you?"
I stared at him without answering. I was afraid he would guess the truth no matter how I answered him. He seemed to read my mind and he laughed a little. "Yeah," he said. "I thought so. How's about your brother?"
"You go to hell!"
He got up from the chair where he'd been sprawled out and caught me before I could get out of the room.
"Give, sis. Give," he said.
I fought him as hard as I could, but he was too strong for me. And after it started I guess it wasn't much different with him than it was with some of the others. They'd already made me feel like dirt so it was just one more miserable experience for me.
But this time real trouble hit me. A month later I knew I was pregnant. I was scared and I told Sam about it. He didn't like it and said that it wasn't his fault.
"It is," I insisted. "No one else has touched me for more than three months. It's got to be you."
"How about the guys around here? How do I know what you're doing down in the basement, or on the roof, or under the stairs? How about those nights when you're on dates?"
"No! Sam, I mean it. It's you."
"Okay. So what do we do?"
"I don't know. There's a woman over on the avenue. She charges fifty dollars."
"Where do I get fifty bucks?"
"I don't know, Sam. But we got to do something."
He looked at me a long time and suddenly he was serious and I could see that deep down he was frightened.
"Okay, sis. Okay. I'll get it if I have to knock over a gas station. But I'll get it."
He got it. I never found out where. I had the abortion. Afterward I quit school and went to work. I wanted to get out of the apartment and away from the family. I'd had enough. But just when I was ready to move out, Pop came home drunk again when the family was out. I tried to get away and he really hurt me because I could fight harder now. I was older and stronger. He almost knocked me out. Then he got me on a bed again and right in the middle of it the rest of the family came home. Mom saw what was happening. She pushed the others back out into the hallway and she picked up a skillet and went after Pop. He finally got out. I never saw anyone as crazy mad as my mother was that night.
She chased him down the hallway and when he got out into the street she came back up and got some money out of the pocketbook she had dropped and went downstairs to the hallway telephone. I heard her dial. Then I heard her tell the police to pick him up-that he had raped his daughter.
So there's the whole story. More than you asked for. I didn't have to tell you about Sam. But I wanted to tell. I want to get the whole thing off my mind.
Most of all I want out. I want to get away from my whole family. They're no good. I can't stand any of them. I'll go crazy unless I get away to some place where I can make a fresh start.
So we examine two extremes of incest in our society of today. There have been many, many more cases. The reasons have been all the reasons named. The results have been varied and most frequently tragic.
If we must look to a rule of conduct concerning incest, we may well look to the Old Testament and the Mosaic law quoted in Leviticus 18: 6, 7, 9, 11:
"None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him to uncover their nakedness.
"The nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother thou shalt not uncover: she is thy mother; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.
"The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father or the daughter of thy mother, whether she is born at home or born abroad thou shalt not uncover.
"The nakedness of thy father's wife's daughter, begotten by thy father, she is thy sister, thou salt not uncover her nakedness."
CHAPTER FIVE
Sadomasochism
The progress of psychiatry and allied fields may be demonstrated by the compound word 'sadomasochism."
Not too long ago the subject matter defined by this word was divided into two separate fields: Sadism, meaning a sexual perversion in which gratification is obtained by torturing the loved person; and masochism, meaning abnormal sexual passion characterized by pleasure in being abused by one's associate.
The term sadism was derived from the name of Marquis de Sade, a French writer who specialized in detailed descriptions of the infliction of cruelty. The term masochism comes from the novelist L. von Sacher-Masoch, who described it.
In the development of the compound word from two separate words with diverse meanings, it is interesting to note that in the Encyclopedia of Criminology V. C. Branham, M. D. combines the two words into a hyphenated version, Sadomasochism, with this comment: "Because of the close linkage between these ambivalent tendencies, sadism and masochism should always be considered coincidentally....In many instances the two states are intermingled or there is a quick and sudden swing from one state to the other. It is doubtful that either state exists in its true form in complete absence of the other."
In greater simplicity, Karpman completes the progression to one word: "Sadomasochism is a deviation in which sexual satisfaction is obtained from the infliction or suffering of pain."
Historically this perversion has come to light frequently, even in mass demonstrations. Religious cults, such as the Flagellants, have resorted to whipping to scourge their members. War is regarded by many as the foremost expression of sadism. Sadomasochistic activities have been considered almost common in their milder forms, and certainly are far from being rare in their more virulent forms.
Flagellation is so common in some parts of the world that houses of prostitution have whips and other pain inflicting devices as part of their regular equipment. Spanking has been diverted into abnormal uses in achieving sexual release. Mild forms of torture have been used frequently. Cruelty to animals may be overt sadism.
A study of these manifestations must take into consideration the fact that while the person inflicting the pain-the sadist-receives gratification from his actions, quite frequently the person suffering the pain-the masochist-also experiences sexual release and gratification.
Sadism, of course, may go far beyond the milder forms into the tragedy of maiming, severe torture and death. "Fiendish sex slayings" usually are the work of sadists, and indicate extreme sexual deviation.
The milder forms, on the other hand, occur very frequently in human relationships, whether on an erotic or other plane. Nor does physical action, such as biting and whipping, always have to be present in the perversion. As Branham states: "One of the most devastating, although little known, forms is that of mental cruelty often exhibited toward the love-object itself."
In summing up the meanings and interpretations of sadomasochism, Karpman clarifies the problem in this manner: "Sadomasochism substitutes the infliction of pain or the suffering of pain for sexual union. It may be either heterosexually or homosexually oriented. It is perhaps the most complex of all the paraphilias being almost invariably fused with one or more of the others."
Obviously it is difficult to pinpoint the exact cause of sadomasochistic tendencies in a person. The psychiatric analyses and interpretations of the causes of sadomasochism become so complicated that no attempt will be made here to explain them to any great length.
Again we may refer to Karpman, who states: "Sadism and masochism are manifestations of the same instinctual force; in the former it is directed to external objects; in the latter it is directed against the self. In sadism, infliction of pain is an end in itself. The abnormal expression of sadism represents inner tension and anxiety for which the act is attempted relief. He relieves fear by doing to another what he fears might be done to him. Masochism, the inverse of sadism, is the need for punishment as sexual experience. The extreme is suicide."
So, while the causes of sadomasochism may be hidden, the existence of the disorder may be quite apparent.
What happens to people afflicted with this form of perversion, in one or the other of its forms? Let us look into a case history.
Agnes B., 29, housewife, three children
This young housewife sought medical aid when she found that the only sexual satisfaction she could find with her husband was through spanking. She realized that this was an abnormal desire upon her part, and had discussed it with her husband. He insisted that she seek help from their family doctor, who sent her to a psychiatrist.
The patient was a good-looking woman with dark red hair. She was about five feet four inches tall, weighed 123 pounds and had a history of good health.
Here are parts of her history in her own words:
I guess I've always really enjoyed being spanked. My first memories of it go back to when I was a little girl. I remember my mother spanking me and that although it hurt, I experienced a warm, pleasant, tingling feeling. , When my father threatened to spank me, I used to wonder what it would really be like if he whipped me hard with his belt. I daydreamed about it.
I remember playing with a girl friend of mine when I was about nine or ten. We played in our attic and I dared her to spank me. She did and I liked the sensation. I asked her to let me spank her, but she didn't like it.
I didn't go out much with boys until high school and then I started to go steadily with a boy named Jimmy. We did the usual amount of necking, I suppose, but Jimmy never took many liberties and the necking was restricted pretty much to kissing.
In the spring of my junior year Jimmy and I went on a picnic with several other couples. During the course of the afternoon Jimmy and I wandered off from the others into the woods.
We came to a stream and began to scuffle a little and I managed to push Jimmy into the water. He came out after me, dripping, and threatening revenge.
I screamed and began to run from him, suddenly very excited in the chase, and anxious for him to catch me. He did within a few moments and we stumbled to the ground and somehow he had me across his lap.
"I ought to spank you!" he said. "That'd even us up for my dunking!"
"You wouldn't dare!" I said, pretending to struggle, but careful not to dislodge myself from his lap. My heart was beginning to pound with excitement.
"Don't I? You think I don't dare spank you?"
I was wearing a pair of shorts and I felt them stretching tight across my buttocks. My excitement was becoming so great that I was squirming.
"Yes, I dare you!"
"Okay!"
He spanked me hard, and I guess something was happening to him, too, because it was more than a spanking. I know that after a time the pain of the spanking became ecstasy for me.
He stopped spanking me after a while and tried to pull my shorts down, but I got away from him. A few moments later others from the picnic came near to stop our petting party.
After the picnic episode with Jimmy, I almost always imagined how it had been and how it might have been. The spanking actually had become almost a complete gratification of sex in itself.
I finished only one year of college, and during that time I became involved with a boy named Clyde.
After a number of dates I managed to develop a situation one night in his car where I teased him to the point of spanking me. I resorted to the same tactics as I had with Jimmy.
Clyde already had turned me across his lap in our laughing struggle after I'd mussed his hair.
"I ought to spank you!" he exclaimed.
"You wouldn't dare!"
"No? Another word out of you and I'll pull up your dress and really paddle you, baby!"
I squealed in pretended shock and fright and pressed myself closer into his lap.
"Clyde! You wouldn't!"
"I'll show you!"
I felt him pull my dress up and remembered that I wore the sheerest of panties. I shut my eyes and waited, my heart beating madly. His hand slapped down hard and I jumped with the pain and then I was lost in mad moments of pain and pleasure.
After a while I realized that he was no longer spanking me and that his hands were very busy. Then, somehow, I no longer was across his lap and we were violently making love.
He was sorry afterwards.
"I didn't mean to do that, Agnes," he repeated over and over. "Honest, I didn't."
"It was the first time," I cried. Tears streaming down my face and I was very frightened. I think my greatest concern was that I might be pregnant. But in the back of my mind was another realization. Nothing had happened from what he had done. I had experienced pleasure when he was spanking me, but when he had taken me, there had been nothing.
The month that followed was a nightmare of worry for me in my fear of pregnancy. Finally I began to menstruate and knew that I was all right. But I stopped seeing Clyde.
Within a year I was married to Bill.
Agnes then went on to disclose details of her early married life, the birth of three children, and the failure of her attempts to achieve emotional satisfaction with her husband. After their third year of marriage, she reverted to her sadomasochistic techniques. She described how it happened:
It seemed that lately Bill was getting out of patience with my inability to have normal relations with him. We were discussing it one night as we got ready for bed.
"But what difference does it make, darling?" I asked. "Don't I-well, you've said lots of times that I'm good in bed. If I'm good for you, does it matter very much if I don't ...?"
"Yes. It makes me feel as if I'm no good. It isn't natural. I don't like it, Agnes. You ought to do something."
"But what, Bill? Do what?"
"Act different. Get excited about it. I mean ... get excited and really mean it."
"How can I?" I asked, wanting to know, and understand how Bill felt. I truly wanted to be as he wanted me to be.
He looked at me mutely, appealingly, and then shrugged in defeat. "I don't know, honey. I don't know. Maybe if you saw a doctor...."
Then I knew what might be the answer. I looked at him steadily and said, "Or maybe if you gave me a good spanking, I'd behave."
"A spanking? What for? That's crazy...."
"No, it isn't. Maybe I deserve one for not satisfying you and being like you want me to be. Maybe I deserve to be spanked."
"But I don't want to hurt you. I love you. Why should I spank you?"
"Because maybe I need it. It won't hurt me as much as you think. Besides-aren't you the husband? Well, make me do what I should do."
He sat on the bed, staring at me with puzzled eyes.
"I mean it, Bill," I said, and suddenly my voice was husky. I turned around to the dresser and picked up a hairbrush. I glanced at the door to be certain that it was closed. Then I walked across the room and deliberately handed him the brush and then put myself across his lap, pulling up my nightgown.
"Now," I said. "Spank me."
For a few seconds he hesitated, but then he seemed to sense that I really meant it, although he didn't fully understand it.
"All right!" he snapped. "I will!"
It proved to be an answer. Since then we have resorted to spanking quite a bit, but Bill doesn't like the idea and sometimes has refused me. On occasion I have deliberately nagged and provoked him into enough anger with my defiance and my "I dare you! " to spank me in true anger, and I think these have been some of the best times for me.
But I realize that this is all very unhealthy and abnormal. I want it to stop. I want our love-making to be right and good and natural. So Bill and I have talked it over and that's why I'm here-to find a way to normalcy.
Under psychotherapy Agnes' trouble was diagnosed as a father fixation. She responded to treatment and within a few months achieved a more normal heterosexual relationship with her husband.
It might be noted, at this point, that the spanking the father gives the little girl is considered by some to be a symbolic sexual assault, and in the child's fantasy it is actually incest. Some girls, as they become women, may subsequently become frigid, others homosexual, still others, as has been described, find a form of symbolic incest where the sweetness of the forbidden fruit lies in the fantasy that she is having sexual intercourse with her father and is accepting the punishment for it.
Gerald T.
Quite different was the story of Gerald T., a man in his thirties, who had a history that emphasized sadistic tendencies rather than the masochistic ones Agnes had revealed.
Gerald sought psychiatric help to overcome a marital impotence that he could combat only when he resorted to sadistic practices. Since these practices could not be indulged without completely alienating his wife, the marriage was rapidly disintegrating in frustrations and quarrels.
A background history of Gerald revealed that he had been an only child and was reared under the dominance of his mother and a maternal grandmother. The father was an ineffectual person who lived under the thumb of the strong willed wife.
Gerald's childhood exposed his sadistic tendencies. He found pleasure in hurting animals, pulling wings off insects, and he once tortured and drowned a cat. He also developed a sadistic pleasure in teasing smaller children.
While in his teens he discovered that he obtained a measure of sexual excitement by twisting the arm of a smaller boy to the point of having a full release during the struggle.
The experience was repeated several times. When he was nineteen years of age he had his first heterosexual experience. The woman was a prostitute and objected strenuously when Gerald twisted her arms and bruised her during their time together.
"It wasn't until I hurt her and saw that she was in pain that I was really able to enjoy myself with her," Gerald explained to his questioner.
Gerald later became engaged to a girl who worked in the same office with him. Approximately a year after the engagement was announced Gerald had relations with her. The circumstances surrounding their first sexual union illustrate some of the ramifications of sadomasochism. He related the experience as follows:
It was a crazy thing that happened. Margaret and I were running around with a pretty fast crowd. But so far it had been confined to just a little necking as far as Margaret and I were concerned, although we knew that at some of the parties a few couples had disappeared for a half-hour or so and would come back looking as if they had been away for more than fresh air.
On this particular night we all had been drinking heavily and Margaret was feeling pretty high. The party was in an old farmhouse that some friends had renovated. There were four or five bedrooms upstairs, and around midnight some of the couples were finding them and doors were closing.
One of my friends at the party-a man named Harry was really carrying a good load and he came over to me in the kitchen where I was mixing a fresh drink.
"Look, Gerry," he said. "How's about Margaret? Huh? How's about her?"
"What do you mean?"
He winked and took another swallow of a strong drink that he didn't need. "You know what I mean, pal....How's about her?"
Suddenly I had a strange impulse to build a crazy kind of situation. I wasn't too drunk not to think clearly, but I was certainly drunk enough not to have many inhibitions. The whole thing just seemed to fall into place for me.
"Why don't you try?" I said, and returned his wink.
His eyes opened a little in surprise. "You mean it? Really mean that, chum?"
"Sure. Why not? Me-I'm not selfish. But I'll give you a tip. You've got to be a little rough. I mean, she likes to have you just go ahead even when she's saying no to you. Get what I mean?"
"Yeah! Some chicks are that way. And you don't care?"
"Hell, no. I'll even help you. She's pretty loaded, so it shouldn't be too rough. Go on in there and tell her that I'm upstairs and want to see her. That I sent you after her. That we've got a foursome planned and to come with you. Then you take her upstairs to one of the bedrooms. When you get her inside, close the door and take what you want. If she starts to fight you ... just remember that's the way she likes it."
He shook his head, drunkenly, and put out his hand. "Pal! You're a real pal!" he exclaimed.
"Go ahead," I urged him and shoved him toward the doorway.
I followed him and watched him approach Margaret. She had a drink in her hand and was listening to the music from a phonograph. I'd never seen her quite so high. She looked pretty and young and suddenly available. I began to feel a deep excitement as I looked at her blond hair and saw the rounded outlines of her body under her dress. I got a deep feeling of heat when I saw Harry put an arm around her and whisper something into her ear.
She listened and I stepped back out of sight. A moment later I saw him leading her toward the stairs. I waited a few seconds and then followed them.
Someone had turned out the hallway lights upstairs and two of the bedroom doors were closed. I saw a third door close as I reached the top of the stairs. I tiptoed to the door and listened.
Moments later I heard Margaret protesting and then a smothered scream. There was the sound of a hard scuffling in the room, of bodies falling on a bed. I opened the door and snapped on the light switch.
Margaret looked at me with frightened eyes, trying to pull down her dress. Harry glanced back at me over his shoulder.
"Hey!" he said. "What gives?"
"Sorry," I smiled. "Wrong room." I looked directly into Margaret's eyes and then snapped out the light and backed out of the room and closed the door.
The struggling resumed inside the room and I imagined what was happening. I wondered if Harry would be successful and I almost wished he would be, imagining Margaret being hurt.
In a few moments Margaret came out, a little out of breath, and still looking frightened. She saw me and came over and I saw that she was crying. One shoulder of her dress was torn.
"Take me home, Gerald ... please ... let's get out of here," she said.
I nodded. This was all working out as I had planned it. We went downstairs, got her coat and went out to my car. A half-hour later I opened the door to my apartment. Margaret looked at me with puzzled eyes and hesitated to come in, although she had been there before.
"We'll make a cup of coffee," I told her. "And your dress is torn. We'd better do something about it before I take you home."
Inside I locked the door behind me and watched her walk across the room to a chair. Now the excitement was really growing in me. I knew exactly what I wanted to do.
I walked after her. When she heard me behind her, she turned. I took her by the shoulders and began to shake her.
"What were you and Harry doing?" I demanded. "What kind of a girl are you? What was going on up there in that bedroom?"
"Nothing! Gerald ... please! Nothing happened ... I don't know why he thought-"
"You know I love you," I said angrily. "You've said you love me. Is that the way you prove it?"
"But it wasn't my fault ... please, Gerald ... it wasn't!"
I stopped shaking her, and looked into her tear-stained face. I grasped her arms hard until she winced with pain.
"I know what I saw," I said. "You can't deny that!"
"But he told me you wanted me up there. Then he-"
"I should punish you."
"But I didn't do anything! I didn't-"
We argued for several minutes more and then, suddenly, I found myself beating her with my belt while she fought me. Eventually I overpowered her. From then on it was rape. Later on, when I had calmed down, I felt like a heel.
The episode brought an end to the engagement. The girl refused to see him again and shortly afterward Gerald moved from the city to the East Coast.
Conscious of the dangers in his abnormality, he began to study psychology at university night courses in an attempt to understand himself. Eventually he believed that he had conquered his sexual difficulties and he married.
A few months after the excitement and stimulation of the honeymoon had worn off, he realized that he was becoming impotent unless he resorted to fantasies of whipping and the memory of his night with Margaret.
On one occasion he attempted to create a scene to give him and excuse to spank his wife, but she refused to tolerate his actions and threatened to leave him.
It was at this point that he sought psychiatric therapy and help.
Gerald's story reflects the situation that has assailed other men.
Shocking histories of violently sadistic psychopaths have been in our newspapers time after time, and the persons who commit such atrocities are a never-ending problem in our society.
The extent to which the true psychopathic sadist will go in his sexual tortures is beyond description for other than the most clinical, medico-legal purposes.
But sadomasochism does not always go to these extreme limits, as already has been explained. It is not unusual for very mild sadomasochism to be displayed in preliminary love play before intercourse in light biting, scratching, pinching and minor pain-inflicting.
Social and legal workers know that there is a great frequency of sadistic behavior in cases of marital discord: husbands and wives who go out of their way to hurt their partners, both mentally and physically, and who may even beat a spouse to force love. Thus the sadomasochistic tendencies run the gamut from the almost playful love bite or harsh caress to the most brutal murder.
Sadomasochism has also been found in some of our current literature, TV shows, and other media.
Much of this is a reflection of actual events reported in our daily newspapers. It is not uncommon, for example, to find elements of sadism in many hold-ups or burglaries. As Branham writes: "It is a matter of common knowledge that many hold-ups are accompanied by intense sadism and that a great deal of unnecessary violence is perpetrated upon the victim."
Branham goes on to point out that the sadomasochistic tendency may even pervade the very court room itself and influence the attitude of the public and judiciary in an expression of sadism toward the criminal. He points out: "The history of the handling of criminals is replete with instances of the utmost cruelty at the hands of their captors."
So the sadomasochism problem appears in every stratum of our society-from the small boy cruelly torturing an animal to the almost unconscious sadism that may affect public attitude toward the criminal.
Again help may be obtainable from the psychiatrist, the psychologist and others.
Meanwhile, the average layman may be well advised to guard against the psychopathic sadist who endangers the children of the community by training children in the necessary safeguards and precautions against such persons. And the parent might also watch his own children's behavior to guard against sadomasochistic tendencies that may early manifest themselves.
At this stage of a child's life, the help of a doctor or psychiatrist may be invaluable. When the child is a few years older, it may be too late.
Our criminal courts attest to this.
CHAPTER SIX
Female Homosexuality-The Lesbian
Homosexuality is one of the most frequently found of the sexual aberrations and poses a problem, to one degree or another, in virtually every American community of any size. It is found among both men and women.
Perhaps the most basic definition bestowed upon the word "homosexual" is: "a person in love with another person of the same sex."
Because this definition may be too specific, and because love does not necessarily have to be present, perhaps the Greenspan and Campbell definition of the homosexual is more accurate: "an individual endowed with sexual desires directed wholly or in part toward members of the same sex, and possessing characteristic psychic and physical traits of the opposite sex. Homosexuality is a congenital anomaly rather than a disease."
Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary simplifies homosexuality to: "Eroticism for one of the same sex."
The prefix homo comes from the Greek and refers to the sameness of individuals involved in homosexuality, as opposed to heterosexuality which involves persons of different sex.
Of recent years there has been a growing tendency to use the word "homosexual" in application to men, and "lesbian" for female homosexuals. This term derives from the ancient Greek poetess Sappho of the Isle of Lesbos, who advocated female homosexuality.
It is generally accepted by modern psychology that every animal is bisexual to the extent that it carries within itself the fundaments of the other sex. Every child, it is observed, has a large homosexual component. In most cases, of course, the component is repressed by our culture. Occasionally, however, deviations occur.
There are absolute homosexuals, who accept only persons of the same sex as sexual partners. There are bisexual persons, who have sexual relations with persons of both sexes.
There are "latent" homosexuals, who usually are persons living a heterosexual life yet are inwardly greatly disturbed by a strong homosexual component. An "overt" homosexual is one who is aware of his (or her) homosexuality and engages in specifically homosexual practices.
Primary sex characteristics do not differ between absolute homosexuals and normal persons. But there may be differences in secondary characteristics that are readily recognized by the informed. Some homosexual men have definite' feminine characteristics, some homosexual women approach masculine types. Nevertheless, it is virtually impossible to recognize homosexuals positively on sight.
Frequently a person one would be least likely to suspect of being homosexual may be an absolute one. Mary T. serves as an excellent example.
When she arrived at the psychiatrist's office Mary always carefully removed her gloves and placed them in her handbag with a precise, feminine movement that was in keeping with the obvious womanliness that she displayed.
She was quick of movement, pertly attentive, and carried the look of complete innocence in her expression and eyes. In her late twenties, she was unusually pretty, and the smallness of her body was enhanced by a petite fullness of breasts and contour of hips and thighs. She dressed exceedingly well, and her choice of colors and garments reflected her talent and ability in the art department of an advertising agency.
After she had put away her gloves, she would remove her hat and place it carefully on a small table by the closet where her coat was hung. Almost as precisely and carefully she composed herself for the questions, the talking, the hour with the doctor. He smiled pleasantly and waited.
"Last night she made love to me again," Mary said quietly. "It was a long time and it was lovely. She used lingual caresses, and I didn't try to stop her. I'm wasting my time here, Doctor."
The doctor waited. He knew the 'she" Mary mentioned was the woman with whom Mary lived; one reason why Mary was here.
"I told her that I was seeing you," she continued. "I told her all about it and she was sympathetic and held me and let me cry and after a while she made love to me and I was glad. So I don't know if this is any good or not. Maybe being married to a woman is what I want."
The doctor remained quiet. She would talk again in a few moments. Psychiatric help doesn't usually come in moments or hours. It may take weeks, months, years. It may never be successful.
Mary had been in the quiet of this office many times, and she had begun other hours with words that were almost identical. There must be patience and time.
What brought Mary to this office? What was the full import of her phrase, "married to a woman?"
Here is the resume of her story as she told it over the many days of consultation and treatment:
Mary, age 28
I can remember the first time as if it happened only yesterday. I was seventeen and in high school. My closest friend was a girl named Margaret.
Margaret was as opposite from me as a girl probably could be. I was small and slim. Margaret was rather large and athletically formed. She was the "tomboy" type and as long' as I had known her she had been active in sports and the things boys are more likely to be attracted to.
Yet she was very fond of me and I was attracted to her from the first time I ever met her.
For a long time it was not unlike the usual friendships between two girls in school. We did things together. Occasionally we double-dated with boys, but neither of us liked boys too much and after our dates we liked to discuss them and belittle them.
"They're so awkward," I would say to Margaret. "They're all hands and pawing and wet mouths."
"I know," she would smile. "I know exactly how you feel. I hate them as much as you do."
Sometimes if we were walking together and talking like this she would put an arm around me as if to protect me from the boys. I liked the feeling it gave me and I felt safe and contented with her.
Occasionally we discussed sex from the rather limited knowledge that we had about it. Most of our knowledge came from the books that made the rounds among the high school students; the books intended for people about to be married and the other educational-type books about sex that were not too difficult to obtain.
We knew that several girls in our class had gone the limit with boys, and two of them had left school because of pregnancies and two others had been to an abortionist. So we were not entirely uneducated about sexual matters, although we were far from being very smart about such things.
Then, too, I occasionally heard things at home. I was one of three children. My mother was quite attractive and well educated. My father was a salesman. He was very good-looking. Probably too much so because he often became involved with other women. I often heard my mother and father quarreling about what she called his "affairs."
Several times he left us, but returned after emotional reconciliations that always upset my mother. But before many months there would be another woman and my mother would go through the worry and heartbreak that had become the pattern of her life. I learned to hate my father when I saw what he did to Mother. Nor was he ever very affectionate toward me or my brother or sister.
Sometimes I wondered if other families had the same problems that we had; if all men "played around" with other women after they were married and had families.
I remember telling Margaret once that after knowing what my father was like, I didn't believe I'd ever marry. I wouldn't go through what my mother went through for anything.
Margaret's folks were on about the same social and economic level as my own. They owned their home and Margaret's father worked in an office. She had two brothers, both older than she. Her mother was very domineering and really ran the family. In many ways Margaret was like her.
The spring that I remember was the kind that you probably always remember all your life; the spring when you were seventeen and becoming a woman and bursting with new thoughts and desires and emotions.
Margaret and I talked a great deal about sex that spring. I guess that the other kids in our group did, too. There were lots of parties and plenty of necking going on at all of them. And, as usual, every boy I dated spoiled everything with his awkwardness. I kept remembering my father and the way he looked at women.
"It's as if all they want is the sex part and never me," I told Margaret.
"That's the way they are," she said.
We were walking home to her place on a Friday after school. I was going to stay with her over the week-end. We often stayed at each other's homes, sleeping together, talking far into the night.
It was nice to be close to someone else in bed, to feel the warmth of Margaret, and to feel her against me sometimes when I awakened at night.
There never had been any excursions into physical relations, however, and it never had entered my mind that there could be between two girls. I was to learn differently this night.
We went to a party that night and returned a little after midnight and went quietly to bed in Margaret's room. For a while we talked about the party in low voices, giggling and running down the boys as we usually did.
"Tommy tried to kiss me," I confessed to Margaret. "But it was like always. He's so rough."
"I know how you'd like to be kissed," Margaret said softly. "I know exactly how."
"Do you? I mean ... well, do you want a boy to be gentle? To be kind of soft and quiet and careful as if you were something nice and lovely?"
"Exactly," Margaret said. She was close beside me and suddenly she got up on one elbow and looked down into my face. "I know what you mean ... like this...."
We had kissed casually before, upon greeting or leaving one another, but those kisses were not like this. Margaret kissed me gently and softly and exactly as I had said a boy couldn't do it.
After a moment I felt a hotness quiver through me and a deep feeling of uneasiness and almost fright. I didn't know if I liked this. I was afraid.
She drew away from my lips and laughed a little. "Isn't that what you mean?" she asked. "Shouldn't a boy learn to kiss like that?"
Her easy, quiet laugh reassured me. "Yes," I admitted.
"That's exactly how they should. But they don't. They're so rough. And their hands...."
"I know," Margaret said. She was breathing a little heavily now and I was certain that I could feel my heart beating in the quiet bedroom. "Not like this," she said.
She bent over and kissed me again and caressed me. For a few seconds I wanted to stop her, but I couldn't. I didn't want her to stop. I felt weak and helpless.
For a few seconds I wanted to get away from her, to cry at her to stop, and then I knew that I couldn't. I wanted her to do anything add everything that she wished to do to me.
Margaret probably was as uninitiated and inexperienced as I was that first night, but she had imagination and no inhibitions. It was almost dawn when we fell asleep.
Margaret had indulged in forbidden kisses that had left me breathless. She had caressed me with fingers and mouth in a fantastic exploration of sensuality such as I had never before experienced.
It was late when we awakened and suddenly I was overcome with a great shame that made me want to leap from the bed and run away forever.
Margaret was awake and now she smiled and leaned over me again. One of her fingers traced my lips and she kissed me lightly.
"You're so beautiful," she whispered. "I love you so much, Mary."
I remembered the books we had read and I knew with a feeling of guilt what we had stumbled into.
"Lesbian love," I said. "It's lesbian love."
"Isn't it wonderful?" she asked.
I didn't answer her because I felt ashamed.
That was the way it started for me, back when I was in high school with a girl named Margaret.
The following year Margaret and her folks moved to another city. We both wept when we parted and for weeks I was disconsolate.
By that time I had learned that I was the passive one while she was the active, although there were rare times when I became the active one.
After she left I had several dates with boys, but now they displeased me more than ever.
Things at home had become slightly better. My mother and father had arrived at a sort of armed truce. He had received promotions in the sales organization for which he worked and now was an executive of some stature. He and my mother "kept up appearances" as much as they could, probably because it seemed the only sensible thing to do. My father couldn't afford criticism of his conduct, and he couldn't afford not to have his family well dressed and his children well educated.
I went to the state university when I finished high school and I had several affairs with girls there.
In my senior year I had a period of time when I became very worried about myself. I was taking an extra course in psychology and it led me into a good deal of introspection and guilt.
By now I recognized that I was homosexual, and abruptly I wanted to know if it was all a mistake, and if I had been wrong about men.
John S., a law student, had been very attentive to me and occasionally I had gone on dates with him. Usually he had attempted some petting and I promptly had stopped him.
Now I decided that I must learn if I was truly homosexual, and I deliberately planned my own seductions. As least, I let John make advances to the point where I agreed to have intercourse with him.
He had brought me home from a show and we were standing in front of my sorority house. We had a date for the following night and I told him that could be the night.
"You won't be sorry," he whispered fervently and ground his mouth against mine in the excitement of my promise. His hands were hard and hungry on me. I pushed him away.
"But you'll have to be gentle," I said. "Please, John. Don't spoil it."
"I won't ... I won't," he breathed anxiously.
It was spring again and the next night was luxuriously soft and warm. We drove far out into the country and parked on a deserted country road in the hills.
At first he was careful and seemed to remember my request that he be gentle with me. Then it suddenly became different as his masculinity asserted itself and destroyed his restraint. But I was determined to learn about myself and I silently submitted. I remember staring up at the starlit sky and coldly analyzing my thoughts and my physical reactions while it was happening.
It meant nothing to me. There was nothing to enjoy, nothing to ever want again.
John and I were silent on the way home. He seemed to sense that the experiment had been a failure as far as I was concerned, and he probably felt a frustration in it for himself. He had promised me great delights, and he had given me nothing and he knew it. I almost felt sorry for him.
"Don't worry about it," I told him.
"You'll be all right," he assured me. "There's nothing to worry about."
"I know. I mean ... well, I guess that I'm just not the kind of girl you should have."
"You're wonderful," he said, almost in a tone of loyalty.
"No, I'm not. I know it. But you mustn't think it was your fault."
"I don't get it," he said.
"No, I guess you don't," I said after a moment. How could he? How could he possibly understand that I was feeling kindly toward him because through him I had made certain that I didn't want a man? It was all mixed up for me, so how could he ever understand?
John was the only man who ever possessed me. I'm quite certain that I never was bisexual, and that I always have been homosexual.
After I was graduated from the university I went to work for an advertising agency and eventually, after a number of alliances with other women, I went to live with Phyllis. She is very masculine and dominating.
In our living arrangements, I take care of the cooking and most of the housework at the apartment, although she ' frequently helps. She pays most of the rent and other bills. She wants it that way. She says she has to have the feeling that she is taking care of me. It's as if we were truly married. We even have exchanged rings and Phyllis and I recited parts of the marriage vow to one another.
She is very jealous of me, although I've really never given her reason to be. On occasion she has interpreted a most innocent friendship of mine with another woman as something else. Once she slapped me and created quite a scene after we came home from a party. Her harsh treatment actually thrilled me and I made love to her later as if I really had been guilty of unfaithfulness and was making it up to her. She, in turn, forgave me and loved me with greater fervor than she ever had.
Mary's story contains many elements common to thousands of such stories that might be told. The area of homosexuality is possibly one of the most complex and important of all our sexual aberrations.
The number of women who have a degree of homosexual history obviously cannot be determined statistically, although we have various studies that give percentages and estimated numbers.
A Kinsey study indicates accumulative incidences of homosexual responses in 28 per cent of the females studied. The incidence of overt contacts to the point of orgasm in these cases reached 13 per cent.
The Kinsey studies also indicated that homosexuality is greater among men than among women, contrary to the more general belief that it is more prevalent among females than males, or-as other authorities believe-that it is equally common among both.
Havelock Ellis believed that there are twice as many lesbians as male homosexuals. The authors of Sex Without Fear indicated that from 5 to 8 per cent of American women might be lesbians, or between three and five million women.
It should be understood, too, that homosexuality may vary greatly in intensity among individuals. Various attempts have been made to rate the homosexual, from the person who is completely heterosexual to the person who is entirely homosexual, with an ascending degree of homosexuality that ranges, for instance, from 0 to 6 in the Kinsey heterosexual-homosexual rating system.
Mary obviously was almost entirely homosexual, as was her partner.
Mary's "mate" typified another type of homosexuality that demonstrates the complexities of the aberration. In the "marriage" Mary was the "wife" and received the attentions. Among homosexuals she would be termed "passive," while her partner was "active."
Let us look into the case history of another woman who had a history of a more "active" role in the shadow world of homosexuality.
Gladys was in her middle thirties. She was tall, rather thin, and dressed in severely tailored suits, mannish shirts and low-heeled shoes. She wore a short haircut and she had a distinctly masculine appearance, further accented by her crisp, energetic attention to her position with a large firm. Here is a resume of her story in her own words:
Gladys, age 36
I think that I knew that I was a homosexual as soon as I realized that I was different from most of the other girls I knew.
For one thing, I disliked being a girl. I preferred boys and wanted to be with them. I wanted to play baseball and football. I admired the way a boy could throw a ball or handle himself in athletics. I liked the flat leanness of a boy's body and when my own body began to develop feminine lines, the appearance of breasts, the roundness of hips, I hated all of it. Most of all I hated my menstrual periods when they began.
However, I soon discovered that I was very attracted to certain girls. One, a small blond girl in school with me, especially attracted me and we became very fond of one another. We slept together on occasion and kissed. That was the extent of our love-making, but it served to increase my interest in other girls and to convince me that I could love them.
I decided to become a physical education teacher and attended a state normal college. There I had my first really active affair with a girl. We managed to room together and we became lovers.
After we were graduated we parted and I taught school for several years until I became involved with one of my girl students and our affair was discovered. I was forced to give up the teaching profession and acquired a part interest in a small store dealing in health foods.
For a time after going into business I had no affairs with women and actually experimented through an affair with a man. We had sexual relations on several occasions and I found them most distasteful to me. I stopped seeing the man. There was nothing there for me.
Finally I met Constance, a buyer for a department store, who had been married and divorced. She was bisexual and had had affairs with women as well as men. During the last five years she has lived with me and has become-to the best of my knowledge-completely homosexual.
Some of our love-making is mutual, but most of the time I assume the active role.
Most of our close friends are homosexual and we associate with them frequently. All of us in the group speak openly of homosexuality and there are few secrets among us. We all know who is having an affair with whom, or living with whom. We share the jealousies and quarrels and troubles that all of us encounter.
Constance and I have been reasonably happy though at times I am assailed by odd fits of depression and guilt.
Lately, I know that Constance has been seeing another woman. If she wants to leave me and will be happier with someone else, I don't feel that I should stop her.
Perhaps I should find another way out of this whole thing. That's why I decided to seek medical help. I don't know how successful it will be, but I'm willing to try it because too often I feel like an outcast.
Psychiatric aid for a woman like Gladys involves a tremendous amount of work. Her full family background must be carefully brought to view, her childhood and her emotions from as far back as she can remember in search of the trauma that resulted in deviation later in life. The sudden hatred of a small child for a parent, or another person, may leave a scar that causes trouble years later.
Even with many, many psychiatric sessions, a cure may not be effected. One school of thought believes that in many cases all a psychiatrist can do is enable the patient to accept himself, or herself, without being able to redirect the patient's behavior.
Mary and Gladys represent two fairly recognizable extremes of homosexuality among females: the passive and the active. In each case it may fairly be said that the subject has been almost entirely homosexual.
But there are many women who have homosexual tendencies, yet fall short of the complete homosexuality of Mary or Gladys.
Some women who have not suspected their own homosexuality are seduced by other homosexuals. It has been said that the only person who can be seduced is one who is disposed toward seduction, and if this theory is accepted, it would logically follow that a latent homosexuality in these cases is awakened by seduction.
An adult woman may unexpectedly encounter homosexuality and be seduced into its practices almost before she realizes what is happening to her.
Some of the highlights in the case of Katherine T. may serve as an example.
Katherine T., age 32
On the day that I answered an advertisement for "Woman in thirties, preferably office worker, to share apartment with woman," I had no idea what was in store for me.
When Martha opened the door of the apartment and smiled I immediately liked her. She was good-looking, in a rather severe way, with a slim, active body. She had pleasant blue eyes and good features.
As we looked at one another I sensed that we were very much alike in many ways. But I was smaller and possibly a little more full of body here and there, and we seemed to complement one another. My brown hair and black eyes contrasted with her blue eyes and light hair-my femininity with her boyishness.
We seemed to "hit it off" right from the beginning. I explained that I was a secretary in an insurance office and that I had been living at home. My folks had decided to go to the West Coast and now I was alone and looking for a place to live.
"Well, it's settled as far as I'm concerned," Martha said. "We're both in the same kind of work. Our offices are fairly close together. I think this will work out very well for both of us. The girl who lived with me before has gone to Florida. We had a nice arrangement."
We discussed the rent and how we could divide other living costs. Martha showed me the bedroom with the big walk-in closet and the twin beds.
The next week I moved in and within another week we had our arrangement working very well. I was especially glad that I had a person like Martha to live with. The more we were together, the better I liked her.
One night we began to talk quite confidentially and she asked me about men. I told her that I wasn't going with anyone.
"There must have been someone," she smiled. "A girl as lovely as you are."
"There was," I admitted. "We had too many conflicts-religion, race, families. We finally broke off. There's been no one since."
"There's been no one with me," Martha said. "I guess men just don't interest me."
"Well, they interest me," I said. "It's only that I've never found anyone else quite like Carl."
We didn't discuss men after that.
One evening I came home with a dull headache, mostly from a hard afternoon at the office that had left me tense and jumpy.
It was a hot day and Martha and I had light salads for dinner and then got into shorts and halters for the evening. Martha put on records and suggested that I stretch out on the large couch in our living room.
She massaged the back of my neck and my back while I rested face down on the couch. The halter got in the way of the massaging so she unfastened it and I thought nothing about her removing it. The neck massage and back rub was wonderful.
After a while she suggested that I take off the shorts so that she could better massage the small of my back and get at nerve centers at the base of my spine.
Her words sounded sensible enough and I didn't object. Then for a long time she massaged and stroked and eased the tension in me. Her fingers were knowing and skilled. Her touch was gentle and soothing.
"I didn't know you could do this," I told her drowsily. "You should be a masseuse! If you get tired please stop."
"I like doing it," she told me. "I like to use my hands. Roll over now and I'll take more of the tenseness out of your shoulders and legs."
Lazily I turned over and shut my eyes and she began to massage my shoulders and upper arms. It was wonderful to feel the tiredness flow out of my body. A languid drowsiness came over me. For a second I was a little startled when I felt her hands linger on my breasts and I knew that they had responded to her touch, but the gentle caressing continued and suddenly I didn't care much what she did.
She kept talking in her soft, almost breathless voice, and what she was doing with her hands completely dissipated what little resistance remained in me. Even when I felt her mouth on me I could not draw away, and I actually welcomed her lips.
That night she completely initiated me into the world of homosexuality.
As I look back at it now, it seems almost incredible that I could have been seduced so quickly when I never had experienced any interest of that kind in any other woman. It makes me realize how insidiously clever and dangerous a true lesbian can be. Martha seduced me as skillfully and efficiently as a man might seduce a young girl.
Within a few weeks I was completely a part of the homosexual world. I learned that Martha had had other women living with her and undoubtedly had seduced some of them. She had gone through many affairs with other women with whom she had not lived, and told me details about some of them.
"But there's never been anyone like you," she assured me. "There never will be."
Within a few weeks, however, she brought home another woman she evidently had known for a long time. We had dinner and afterward we had more to drink than I usually have. I had drunk too much, but not too much to realize that Martha was as devoted to the other woman as she was to me. I sensed that there was a change in Martha.
It was the beginning of the end between us. A month later she began to spend more and more time away from the apartment and she obviously showed that she didn't care as much for me as she had.
I was very upset at first. She had seduced me into a new and bizarre world of sensation and emotions that had become a great part of me. To suddenly see this new way of life disappearing caused me sleepless nights and a deep sense of frustration.
Finally she suggested that we give up the apartment. She said that she preferred to live alone.
As the apartment had been hers, I told her that I would leave. She made no objection. I felt the following week-end and the next Monday another girl moved in with Martha. Evidently she had found a new partner.
I'm not certain what has happened to me. I'm not sure what help I need now. I do know that I have to face up to what has happened to me. I just wonder if I can ever be happy with a man and marriage or if my normal instincts have been permanently marred. I still miss Martha, though I know it's wrong to feel this way....
Katherine's physician understood her problem and referred her to a psychiatric clinic.
There, with the help of psychotherapy, she was able to understand herself, the conflicts and frustrations that had become manifest during her time with Carl, the trauma of her breaking with him, and the many earlier elements of her childhood, family life and general background that helped to make her the individual that she was.
When she understood these things, she quickly began to make her own adjustment to a more acceptable life. Subsequent follow-up disclosed that she eventually married and from every evidence was leading a happy heterosexual life with her husband.
The experienced homosexual does not always seek the virtually inexperienced in sex. A good many case histories reveal the intrusion upon marriage by the homosexual.
A brief summation of part of a case history may help demonstrate this. Caroline, a better-than-average-looking young matron, realized that her greatest chance for help was from a psychiatrist and sought his help. Here are the preliminary essentials of her story as she told them:
Caroline, age 28
I've been married seven years. My husband is a very successful salesman and spends quite a lot of his time on the road. We have no children.
I've known Cynthia about three years. She is four years older than I and her husband works for the same firm as my husband. Quite frequently our husbands are out of town at the same time.
After our first few months of marriage I realized I was what might be termed "frigid." I never succeeded in finding satisfaction with my husband, although I learned not to admit it to him. I felt that it was more my fault than his, and I saw no particular reason to make him feel bad about it. I accepted it as my lot and even when I tried some of the suggested remedies I found in books, it didn't seem to help.
One night when our husbands were out of town, Cynthia and I had dinner together at her place and she invited me to spend the night with her.
We had quite a few highballs after dinner while we watched television and by the time we were ready for bed we both were a little high.
In bed, after we had turned out the light, the talk got around to our husbands and marriage and finally to sex. We had drunk enough to lose my inhibitions and I confessed to Cynthia that I was frigid with Jack, my husband.
She began to giggle.
"What's wrong?" I asked suspiciously, thinking that she might be making fun of me. "It isn't really funny. I feel terrible about it."
"It's not funny that way. It's funny because we're both in the same boat. Bill and I don't get along very well that way, either."
We discussed it for a while and finally Cynthia said, "There are other ways, you know."
"I suppose so. Exactly what do you mean, though?"
"Two women."
"I couldn't do anything like that!" I said.
"Why not? It's all so purely physical, Caroline. It's almost mechanical."
In the dark she came close to me and suddenly kissed me.
"See? Was that so bad?" she giggled.
"I guess not," I admitted. "If I had a few more drinks, I might even think it would be nice."
"I'll get them and we'll see what happens!"
She turned on the light and got us really stiff drinks. We drank them like two little girls taking a dare, and then we turned out the light again. After a while the heavy drinks really began to hit us.
"Shall we?" Cynthia said.
"What do we do?" I asked, feeling gloriously tight and just a little afraid. Already her hands were caressing me lightly.
"I'll show you," she said.
She began to kiss me, but never as I'd been kissed before. Somehow it became all mixed up for me and she was driving me crazy and suddenly what I had never experienced with Jack took place.
That was the way it started for us. I felt terrible about it the next day, and I do every time it happens.
I learned that Cynthia is really very experienced and I certainly wasn't the first woman with her.
But I can't go on this way; not and stay married. Things are more mixed up than ever. Sometimes I almost want to kill myself....
No one will ever know how many women and girls are seduced into homosexuality each year, nor is it probable that we will ever know how many women are overt or latent homosexuals.
The above instances demonstrate typical cases that psychiatrists encounter many times over. Each case is certain to vary from others in many details, but as the number of observations increase, similar patterns of behavior become apparent.
How do such cases come to the attention of those interested?
Frequently women voluntarily seek aid. Sometimes they are referred to psychiatrists by family doctors. Social workers encounter problems stemming from homosexuality and psychiatrists may be called in. Educational surveys are sometimes made, similar to the Kinsey reports. Science forever seeks more knowledge.
Close observation of homosexuality is also possible in institutions such as prisons, where women live without men and lesbianism may run rampant. Frequently it is encountered in schools. It has presented a problem in the armed forces at times.
From all these sources and others our fund of knowledge about homosexuality increases. But there still remains much to be learned.
One of the most frequent questions asked about lesbians is: "Just what do they do to each other?"
It should be understood that not all lesbian alliances necessarily culminate in sexual relations. Many homosexual relationships between women are limited to an idealistic friendship, sleeping together, or mere kissing and casual body contacts.
Otherwise the answer to what they "do" is age-old, and usually unpleasant to the more fastidious, the less objective, and probably to most truly heterosexual persons.
Thousands of women today are leading lesbian lives, or have lesbian tendencies. Some are entertainers, actresses, singers, writers and artists. They are found in business offices, social agencies, factories. Homosexuality is common among prostitutes. It is found among women physicians, nurses, executives. Thousands of women who have not distinguished themselves beyond average jobs and careers have become involved in lesbianism. Its victims have been students, teachers, housewives, librarians, debutantes, religious workers. It has been found in the most respectable atmospheres. It has led to, and has been a part of, many case histories of female alcoholics. It has been exploited in commercial vice.
There is some belief among experts that the woman homosexual is more difficult to detect and to help than the male homosexual. This is sometimes abetted by the fact that not infrequently a lesbian will marry for economic or other reasons, and thus become less subject to suspicion or apprehension.
Also it has been suggested that the absolute woman homosexual may be more psychopathic than the male, and much less likely to seek help voluntarily.
However, there is much evidence in case histories to indicate that psychiatric treatment can be helpful in cases of lesbianism, especially when the woman involved seeks and seriously wants help.
Through psychotherapy the lesbian may better understand herself and her homosexuality. This, in turn, may aid her significantly in adjusting to a more acceptable pattern of life.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The Male Homosexual
Although lesbians have received a large amount of attention, even greater attention has been centered upon male homosexuals.
Homosexuality among men is more extensive than ordinarily surmised. Kinsey indicated that 37 per cent of the male population between the onset of adolescence and old age has had some homosexual experience to the point of orgasm. McPartland, in 1947, reported a current "guess" of about eight million or more potential homosexuals in the United States-a figure representing about six per cent of the total population.
Hamilton found that 17 per cent of 100 men in a study had had homosexual experience after they were eighteen years old. Ramsey in a study of 291 younger boys found that 30 per cent had had adolescent homosexual experience to the point of orgasm.
Historically, the homosexual has had a rather considerable significance. Not only did homosexuality find extensive acceptance among some of the older cultures, but throughout history the names of homosexuals occur frequently. Some of those mentioned are highly honored today for their achievements, while their deviation from the normal in sex usually is ignored.
The list that might be compiled certainly indicates that homosexuality is not necessarily identified with the uneducated, the mentally retarded, or the "criminal" type. Nor can many of the acknowledged homosexuals be classified as "degenerates."
As Karpman states, "Homosexuality has existed in all ages, in all countries, and in all civilizations." He also points out that social prejudices on the subject have little or no relation to the scientific facts. He voices the opinion, echoed repeatedly in medical observations, that "homosexuality is a condition for which the individual is no more responsible than he would be for tuberculosis or high blood pressure."
With this in mind, it may be much easier to understand and appreciate the homosexual and his problems.
And what are his problems? How does he live? What constitutes his sex life?
Let us consider the case of George A. A businessman in his forties, George displayed virtually none of the characteristics usually associated in the public mind with the male homosexual. He did not 'swish" when he walked, he was not especially effeminate in any of his movements. His dress was wholly masculine and his body was athletic in appearance. He was quite successful in business. Here are the highlights of his story as he told it:
George A., age 43
I was six years younger than an only sister. I had no brothers.
I suppose my youth through adolescence was not unlike a good many other boys,' with the exception that I did not become interested in girls as a good many of my companions did.
Although I was curious about sex, I was not curious to the extent of experimenting with girls. I spent a great deal of time alone, reading.
Quite by accident I discovered the techniques of self abuse and although it worried me I continued these experiments for some time.
When I was in college I first became aware of homosexuality through my reading. The subject intrigued me and I especially liked to read the medical case histories.
Soon I discovered that I had a friend who shared my deep interests in the subject. Clyde was an effeminate appearing, studious young man who lived in the same dormitory with me.
It was not long before we were discussing homosexuality. Obviously Clyde was very happy to find someone to share his interest and I soon discovered that I was fond of him beyond the usual area of friendship.
One week-end we decided to go to a neighboring city for a symphony concert. We wrote for our tickets and reserved a hotel room so that we would not have to return home the night of the concert.
I believe we both felt the impending consummation of our homosexual inclinations as we listened to the music that night. I sought his hand in the darkness of the theater and held it tight and felt him move a little closer to me. We pretended that the bodily contact was not there.
After the symphony we had a light supper and went to the hotel. We undressed in silence and both of us experienced the breathless suspense of anticipation as I turned out the lights and got into the bed with him.
"You know what it is," Clyde said quietly. "You know we're that way, don't you?"
"Have you had experience before?" I asked.
"No. I've wanted to, but I've always been afraid. I'm not afraid with you. Everything is all right with you-with us."
We indulged in our first homosexual kiss and from there we went on to our first full indulgence of the act of love.
It was dawn before we slept, and by then we had explored many hidden byways of pleasure. I felt stimulated and aroused by the experience, yet oddly shameful and uneasy. I couldn't rid myself of my feeling of guilt, of strangeness. Despite many misgivings and feelings of guilt, my association with Clyde lasted until we were graduated from college. No one suspected us and we were very careful to avoid talk. Usually our nights together were spent away from the town, and we were not seen together too frequently on the campus.
After I finished school I started my career in business.
For a number of years my contacts with other homosexuals were rare. I was most careful. When I felt a deep and overpowering need for a homosexual contact, I visited another city where I knew about a bar frequented by "gay" boys.
I learned some of the vernacular of the other world of sex. I learned the slang phrases for the various techniques. I developed a deep personal repugnance for the words "fairy" and "queer" and "homo" as applied to those of us who might be homosexual. I suppose I had some trouble in accepting my own homosexuality, even though I did finally.
I discovered that male prostitutes could be had. On several occasions I went with them. On such occasions I was very careful to keep my identity concealed, and I seldom took much money with me. I knew the dangers that beset the homosexual other than from the law, for a man with a good position can find himself in a most difficult situation.
I once had a very narrow escape.
One evening when I was particularly restless I stopped in for a drink at a local tavern where homosexuals gathered. I took great care to be uninterested in my surroundings and pretended a preoccupation that was far from honest.
Actually I was keenly aware of the place and everyone in it. I was somewhat like a hunter who knows that there is game in the vicinity and is alert in every sense and nerve as he waits and watches.
A young man in his early twenties was sitting near me at the bar. He slowly sipped at a drink and occasionally he glanced at me. After a time I smiled at him and before long we were talking as we sampled more drinks. Our talk was incidental and casual, to cover up the intuitive seeking and exploring that was going on between the lines. Finally I said that the place was stuffy with cigarette smoke and that I thought I'd like to take a ride.
"Would you like to go with me?" I asked.
"I'd love to," he smiled.
I paid for our drinks and we left the place. I drove into the country and parked on a side road.
I made more small talk by questioning him about himself and I let one hand rest casually on his shoulder. He answered frankly about his home life and attempts to find jobs. He said he was having trouble finding one and asked if I knew of any place where he could find work.
"Possibly," I said. "I may have a few contacts that would help."
Of course I had no intention of following through the half-promise, but as I talked I let my hand drop to his thigh. He made no effort to remove it and as I grew a little bolder it was obvious that he know my intentions.
"It's all right," he said. "Go ahead. Or do you want me to?"
That was enough. I needed no further invitation.
After we had finished with our love-making I was resting with eyes closed when he suddenly lit a match and I opened my eyes to discover that he was reading my came and address on the automobile registration slip attached to the steering post.
"You didn't need to do that," I said.
"Didn't I?" he asked. Suddenly his voice had become harsh. His attitude awakened a deep alarm in me. "Do you know that I'm only seventeen?" he said. "Do you know what the cops will do if I turn you in?"
A cold dagger of fear struck through me. "You can't do that!" I exclaimed. "You were as willing as-"
"Says you! But when I finish telling the cops how you bought me drinks and propositioned me and made passes at me, it'll be different. You're enough older and I'm enough younger to make it real good."
After a moment I fought down my panic and got control of myself.
"This is an attempted shakedown," I said. "Only you won't get away with it. Even if I have to beat hell out of you right now to show you." I was bluffing, but I tried to make it sound good.
He shook his head and brought out a hand from one pocket. He snapped a finger and the blade of a switch knife was pointed at me.
"Dig this, mister?" he said. "You want a trip to cutsville?"
"All right. How much do you want?"
"How much have you got on you?"
"About fifty dollars."
"I'll take it."
Silently I got out my billfold and handed him the money. I realized that this could be only the first of many payoffs.
"This is it," I warned. "Don't try again."
"Did I say I would?"
"You might. You've got me in a spot tonight. But just remember this: what you can accuse me of is serious, but extortion and blackmail are serious, too. You try once more and I'll go to the right people and make it very tough for you."
He sized me up with a speculative look, not knowing if I was bluffing or not. Evidently something in my voice convinced him that I really could make it difficult for him.
"This is it, lover," he said. "No more. Anyhow, you got your money's worth, didn't you?"
I didn't answer as I started the car. I drove him back to town and let him out. Evidently he was convinced because I never heard from him nor saw him again. But I realized what a narrow escape I'd had from a long history of blackmail. I was much more careful after that-until I met Phillip.
Phillip was an architect of considerable ability. I met him in the course of business. He was tall, thin and rather effeminate. He had graceful, woman-like hands and he was gifted as an artist as well as in his chosen profession.
I think that we each immediately recognized the homosexual in the other. One afternoon after we had finished some business transactions he invited me to dinner at his apartment. As I had anticipated, I found it decorated in exquisite good taste. He had several valuable art originals, and the rest of his decor was expensive and select.
He prepared a delicious dinner and we ate it in a balcony overlooking the city. Afterward he played records on a high fidelity phonograph and we talked far into the evening, sipping occasionally at brandy.
Finally it approached midnight and I indicated that it was time for me to head home.
"Stay here tonight," he said, looking directly into my eyes. I saw the unspoken invitation.
"I'd like that," I said.
"I thought you would," he smiled. "As much as I. There's no need for pretense, is there?"
His bedroom was a masterpiece of decoration and included subtleties that few would have thought of. Large mirrors were placed at strategic places, there was indirect lighting that could be shaded and changed in color from a master switch by the bed, concealed speakers for the softest music, and soundproofed walls that kept outside noise from penetrating the peacefulness of the room.
We made an impulsive and odd ritual of undressing and later we satisfied our pent-up desires in the only way we knew. It was an electrifying experience for me, yet fraught with vague misgivings which I resolutely shunted to one side.
Before the night was over we decided to live together and within the week I moved to his apartment and we lived in a homosexual marriage for the following five years, until it was terminated by the death of Phillip in a car accident.
Following Phillip's death I had a bad time for several years. I went to homosexual gathering places and picked up partners. None could take his place and I was filled with a deep sense of restlessness and discontent.
In desperation one night, I even experimented with a woman. She was a lesbian and we had normal relations, but I did not enjoy it particularly.
Lately I have worried about it and tried to trace my abnormality back to my childhood. I have read a great deal about homosexuality, of course, in an endeavor to understand my problem. I know that a trauma in childhood sometimes can be an important contributing factor. I have tried to remember such a trauma hoping that it might aid me as I seek psychiatric help.
My growing tendency toward promiscuity and the frequency of my change in partners has become alarming to me. Eventually I may take a false step, become involved with a member of the vice squad, or perform some unlawful act. I find myself living in a constant aura of fear, frustration and despair. I could lose my business, my reputation in the community, my very freedom.
Whether or not a homosexual like George can find help through psychiatry depends upon a great many factors, long hours of psychiatric probing and guidance, and the vagaries of the human mind and body and, perhaps, society itself.
What do psychiatrists and psychologists find as the explanation for homosexuality? Here are a few of the "impressions" that have evolved after scientific probing into various cases; the possible "reasons why":
The expression of submission and attachment to a dominant mother.
A manifestation of identification with a mother.
Longing for affection from a father figure.
An expression of innate effeminacy.
Identification with mother and submission to aggressive men, such as a father and brothers.
Whatever may be said to be the cause of homosexuality, there is doubt of the quoted reasons. Homosexuality always has been a scientific enigma. It puzzles biologists because it is contrary to the aims of propagation.
The study of anatomy might appear to provide an answer because both men and women have rudiments of the other sex. We see men who display feminine characteristics and women displaying male characteristics. Therefore we assume that such persons might be homosexual, and, indeed, this has been a generally accepted criterion by many. Yet this theory, too, is by no means infallible. Some homosexual men are athletic in appearance, broad-shouldered, well muscled, ruggedly built. Some lesbians are most attractive to men because of their marked feminine characteristics and beauty.
Physicians often have been inclined to label homosexuality as a disease, and, again, this supposition may be one of those labels that is easily refuted. Our concept of the ailing usually includes diminished efficiency, yet many homosexuals are exceedingly efficient and capable and display no symptoms of disease.
The more modern theory about homosexuality relies upon the assumption of bisexuality in all persons; that components of both sexes exist in all males and females, psychologically as well as anatomically. Yet the statistics on homosexuality do not fully verify this theory, and again there may be doubt.
So, although psychoanalysis and other researches are bringing us nearer to an understanding of homosexual origins, no particular theory is conclusive. As Frank S. Caprio, M.D. states: "There is no single theory which can adequately explain the cause of this aberration."
Meanwhile, legislators, jurists and the law have their own interpretations and conclusions about homosexuality, and in some instances these are far from being in accord with the observations and conclusions gained from other approaches to the problem.
Therefore, it may be well for the average layman to strive merely for an understanding of what homosexuality is, how it is practiced, and how it is a problem without attempting to determine why a person may be a homosexual.
It is highly doubtful if the untrained person can change a homosexual into a heterosexual person. If the "why" can be determined, this is certainly the job for those properly trained in the pertinent sciences, and not for the average, untrained layman.
As a matter-of-fact, the amateur psychologist may cause a great amount of harm in his unskilled efforts to solve the psychiatric and medical problems of a relative or friend.
For instance, it would have been very difficult for the untrained person even to understand the case of Cecil, a male prostitute, much less to be of material help in helping him adjust to a more normal life.
Here is the summary of pertinent parts of his story as reconstructed after his arrest and acceptance of psychiatric aid:
Cecil, age 19
You want to know when it began? That's easy. When I was just a kid and my kid brother took my pants down and showed me what it was all about. He was homosexual from the beginning, I guess, and I've got a sister who's a dyke. Maybe it runs in the family, or something. If you can call it a family.
My old man was drunk most of the time and my mother wasn't much better. Sex was her problem. Maybe that's why the old man got drunk. He never knew if he was going to find her with another man or with another woman.
Yet I liked her. Loved her, I guess. She used to hold me and make a fuss over me. In some ways I was her favorite, or maybe that was because she was soft for me because I was the youngest.
Anyhow, after she died the family sort of broke up. We kept a small apartment but sometimes the old man wouldn't show up" for a week or more, or my dyke sister would be off with some woman for a few days, or my brother would be gone. Somehow we managed to get jobs of sorts and keep the rent paid. I finished high school, but didn't get any farther.
It was when I was in high school that I got hep to making money this way. Another kid and I were having a thing going with no reservations.
One day he said he'd had an experience with a middle-aged man the summer before. This guy was a businessman and my friend, Daryl, had met him at a hangout. The guy took Daryl to a lush apartment and Daryl spent the night there. The next morning the guy paid him fifty dollars. Daryl said he had been with the man several times.
"I've got an idea," Daryl said. "I'll call him and maybe I can set it up for both of us. What do you think?"
"If he'll pay . .
"He'll pay if he likes the idea. He's loaded."
Daryl called the man and got a quick answer. We were to go to the guy's apartment that night.
The apartment was everything that Daryl said it was. Really lush. I met the man. His name was Charles and he was in his forties, good-looking, and built like a fullback. He was wearing a robe when he opened the door. Daryl introduced us and Charles shook hands with me. "I'm glad you could come, Cecil," he told me. "Daryl and I have had some good times. I think we all will tonight. First, though, what do you like to drink?"
I glanced at a small bar in the living room and indicated Scotch. Daryl took some brandy and Charles took Scotch with me. He turned on an expensive-looking phonograph and we listened to music and talked for a while.
When Charles got up to fix more drinks, he smiled and said, "I've laid robes out for both of you. They're in the bedroom. We may as well be comfortable."
The robes were silk. When I put mine on, it was soft and expensive-feeling. It gave me a thrill to even wear it and impulsively I pulled Daryl to me and we embraced.
Things were getting a little hot between us when we heard Charles laugh softly behind us.
"Let's not waste it," he said. "Let's all have fun."
That was my first experience in a party of more than two. Finally Charles called a halt to the party and we dressed to leave. He gave each of us fifty dollars.
We'll do it again," he told us. "Meanwhile, if either of you want to earn a little extra money, I have some friends...."
"We can always use some money," I said.
Within a few months I really was in business. Most of the friends Charles mentioned were about his age and most of them had plenty of money. It was an ugly business and I never got over being secretly ashamed about what I was doing, yet some perverse devil in me drove me on.
Meanwhile Daryl and I had found the places where customers were available and it wasn't very hard to make a few dollars almost any time we wanted money. We got some gifts, too.
Once in a while though, it got rough. I had one man who worked me over when he got me to his apartment. He got his kicks that way. It started with some mild sadism, then he lost control. I ended up almost ready for the hospital.
Afterward he was as contrite as he could be and insisted that I stay at his apartment until I was presentable enough to go out on the street again. My eyes were black, my face was swollen, and I was black and blue all over my body.
I met some others who were on the make for dough like Daryl and me. Some of them worked a little blackmail on the side. Daryl and I were always afraid to try that.
Daryl and I still carry the torch for each other. I guess we always will. At least we're always getting together again and we live together most of the time. It's not a thing to be proud of-as far as most people are concerned. I have my periods when I feel guilty and a misfit but I figure it's the way I'm built and I'm stuck with it. However, I'm willing to give you head shrinkers a ride and see if something comes of it. Who's to know...?
Psychiatric treatment failed to help Cecil materially except that he afterward stated that he better understood himself and his homosexuality.
A great many homosexuals actually don't want to change themselves and are contented with their off-beat sexual lives. Some of them eventually marry, but the marriages frequently are the result of economic pressures and very often depart from accepted normalcy.
As with lesbians, male homosexuals vary in their techniques and desires. Some are active, some are passive, and frequently-probably in the majority of cases-they are willing to accommodate the partner in any way he desires.
In some cases, however, there is a marked preference.
For instance, Howard at twenty seven years of age was an athletic-appearing man about six feet tall, weighing 160 pounds, with broad shoulders and narrow hips. He had heavy eyebrows, hazel eyes, and typical masculine hair distribution.
Women were attracted to him and he enjoyed them as friends, but on the first occasion that he attempted heterosexual sex relations with one he was unable to achieve potency.
When he eventually married it was for financial reasons and he and his wife, a bisexual woman, remained married for two years, but not in a normal relationship.
Howard's homosexuality started before he was an adolescent through his association with another boy. Through preparatory school and college Howard continued homosexual practices. His family was fairly wealthy and he was able to indulge himself in luxuries and opportunities that might be denied others.
Despite his athletic appearance and masculine "good looks" he was admittedly very passive in his homosexual desires. He preferred to be courted and won as a woman would be, and said that he had the same feeling a woman must have. The height of his love-making was complete surrender as the passive partner.
A surprisingly large number of case histories concerning homosexuals are a matter of record. A study of these eventually convinces most students that homosexuality may be discovered where least expected, and that it may not be present where it is most suspected.
Such a study also reveals that the intensity of homosexuality is widely varied, from the person who has had only a minor brush with it-perhaps a "crush" on someone of the same sex-to the absolute homosexual.
As already indicated, psychiatrists generally agree that psychiatric treatment of homosexuals is not promising, although they occasionally do respond to psychotherapy. It is also fairly well established that the individual is not responsible for homosexuality.
From this understanding has come the belief among many of our outstanding medical authorities that homosexuals should not be indiscriminately persecuted. Within the framework of social implications of homosexuality, many psychiatrists and jurists point out that the most serious offense against society of which the homosexual may be guilty is seduction of the young into homosexual relations. Any such approach to a child is a social menace.
On the other hand, it is argued, homosexual alliances entered into by two adults by mutual agreement should be considered no more criminal than heterosexual relations.
Probably there is nothing new in our day about the problem of the homosexual, except, perhaps, the problem of education. Even in education, however, there may be a danger. The old quotation that a little knowledge may be a dangerous thing was never more applicable that to sexual knowledge.
With limited information about homosexuals, for instance, young parents may be alarmed by the behavior of a child in relation to other children. A little girl may seem to show too much interest in other little girls, or a small boy be entirely too engrossed with other little boys.
Before great alarm is displayed over situations such as these, it should be remembered that most authorities agree that virtually all children pass through a homosexual phase that we can recognize if we observe closely. This is the period when the boy despises girls and devotes his closest attention to other boys; when the girl has no interest in boys, but becomes fervently attached to other girls.
Usually this phase passes as the attitudes are supplanted by normal heterosexual interest. If, however, it does not pass, homosexuality may result.
As important and revealing as the study of active homosexuality may be, another phase of the problem is attracting close attention from all who are medically, socially and legally concerned.
This is the problem of the latent homosexual-the person whose homosexuality is hidden, dormant, and probably not apparent even to himself. Yet this hidden, frustrating, and often unrecognized tendency is so important that those who have studied it believe that latent homosexuality has had a large part in the evolution of our culture.
Latent homosexuality is a complex and interesting problem with a number of theories concerning it. In his Collected Papers Freud wrote: "In addition to their manifest heterosexuality is a very considerable measure of latent or unconscious homosexuality can be detected in all people."
Karpman more recently observed that the advent of psychodynamic psychiatry, with the research it stimulated, has enabled us to recognize a type of homosexuality spoken of as unconscious or latent.
Wittels states: "By far more interesting than overt homosexuality and more important is its latent aspect."
So extensive is the area covered by latent homosexuality that a number of its minor evidences may be observed. For instance, the unusual preference that some men show for the company of other men in clubs, lodges, and other male organizations may be an expression of an unconscious but well-sublimated homosexual component. This may also be true of women in their feminine activities.
Men who are heterosexual in family life and virtually all social contacts may show latent homosexual preferences in their love-making.
Impotence may be traced to latent homosexuality, and frigidity in women may be laid to it. As we have seen, the "Don Juan" is frequently a victim of unconscious homosexuality, and just as unconsciously fights it through erotomania, trying to prove that he is not feminine.
Extreme jealousy may indicate its presence. The man who prefers prostitutes, the "Peeping Tom" and the chronic alcoholic may also fall under the definition of the latent homosexual.
Sadism and masochism may indicate the condition. Fantasies conjured to the mind during the sex act may be attributed to it: the man who imagines a boy, the woman who imagines another woman during heterosexual intercourse. Compulsive masturbation may also be indicative.
The reluctance of a man to undress in front of other men, or a woman to disrobe in the presence of other women, may indicate the latent component, as well as the desire to "dress up" in clothing of the opposite sex.
Probably the most important conclusion to be pointed out to the layman is that latent homosexuality is, as Karpman says, "a source of profound mental and emotional disturbance for the individual."
It follows, of course, that the condition may poignantly affect that individual's relationship to others, and to the society with which he comes in contact.
We may observe this in a very simple way by watching how some men go to great lengths to show how tough they are, attempting to prove with cruelties and even atrocities that they are all man. Almost every small boy dreads being called a 'sissy" and will fight to show that he is not feminine but tough.
The full psychiatric ramifications of latent or unconscious homosexuality are complex and call for extensive study before even a cursory understanding may be achieved. But one fact may safely be assumed: latent homosexuality seems to be related to most of the other sexual aberrations that are found among men and women. It is exceedingly important to our society.
For those who truly desire to leave the ranks of the homosexual and attain the heterosexual life common to most of the population, there may be help.
If the patient seriously desires help, psychiatric aid often is beneficial. Some authorities, such as London and Caprio, have come to the conclusion that homosexuality is amenable to treatment. Others are not so optimistic, although most will agree that psychotherapy may occasionally enable the homosexual to direct his attention toward heterosexual activity.
It should be observed, too,-that there frequently is a variance between approaches taken by psychiatrists. While some endeavor to help the deviate change his behavior pattern, others merely try to help the deviate to accept himself so that he does not come into conflict with society.
Much thought is being given to homosexuality. The medical and social literature about the subject increases each year. However, we probably are still far from solving many of its problems-medical, social, and legal. All too frequently the homosexual is still a problem to his relatives, his community and, most of all, to himself.
CHAPTER EIGHT
The Bisexual
The story of the confused young married woman who went home to her parents to tell about a love affair between her husband and another man could probably be told a good many times. It is likely that the number of persons who lead bisexual lives is far greater than ordinarily suspected.
The very existence of bisexuals may be an unexpected revelation to many. And, so that there may be no misunderstanding, it should be specifically noted that the bisexual, discussed in this chapter, is not the same as the hermaphrodite: the person having both male and female reproductive organs. The hermaphrodite is a biological oddity that is rarely found, and in most cases the external genitals are rudimentary.
The bisexual persons with whom we are concerned here are those capable of playing the roles of both the male and the female, even when the act is an unconscious one.
Bisexuality, according to some authorities, including Stekel, may be so common that they have expressed the belief that there are no monosexual people, but that all people are bisexual.
In Sexual Behavior in the Human Male Kinsey researchers comment on the prevalence of the condition: "Since only SO per cent ,of the population is exclusively heterosexual throughout its adult life, and since only 4 per cent of the population is exclusively homosexual throughout its life, it appears that nearly half (46%) of the population engages in both heterosexual and homosexual activities, or reacts to persons of both sexes, in the course of their adult lives. The term bisexual has been applied to at least some portion of this group."
The complexity of the problem, and its relation to homosexuality, is competently summed up by George W. Henry, M.D. In the preface to his exhaustive study of homosexuality, Sex Variants, Henry comments about the meaning of the word homosexual and goes on to say: "Before long the physician will recognize that there are no two homosexuals alike and that homosexuality is associated with an almost endless variety and complexity of human problems. He is beginning to understand that many whom he has classified as homosexual are equally attracted to the opposite sex. He is also beginning to understand that overt homosexual behavior may not be a true indication of his patient's desires. His patient may be conventional in behavior and yet prefer intimacy with the same sex. His patient may have overt relations with either sex and yet be so narcissistic that he is incapable of feeling or expressing affection for another person."
Case histories reveal that it apparently is not unusual for bisexuals to marry bisexuals and there are cases on record where a basically homosexual man, for instance, has married a woman who is predominantly lesbian in her sex life.
On the other hand, it is not too unusual for men who enter into what appear to be normal heterosexual marriages to later become involved homosexually while still active as family heads.
There is the case of Paul B., whose wife was mentioned earlier in these pages as the girl who went home to her parents in her confusion.
Subsequently, through the aid of her parents and a family physician, Paul agreed to consult a psychiatrist for help. Here are the details that eventually enabled the psychiatrist to help Paul readjust to heterosexuality with his wife.
Paul B.
Paul, when he came to the psychiatrist, was lean and athletic-looking, twenty seven years of age, and employed in a bank. He had been married to Helen for three years. There were no children.
A searching review of his childhood and family background revealed that his father, a contractor, had ruled the family with a stern hand. The mother was submissive and gentle. Two sisters were of dominating personalities.
Paul as a boy was timid and spoiled. He was very attached to his mother and frightened of his father. His older sisters were inclined to tease him.
Paul remembered playing doctor with some other boys at the age of twelve. The play included intimate examinations of one another and experimentations of a sexual nature. No girls were involved in this early play.
Shortly after this, Paul was sent to a boys' school and there he formed several romantic attachments with boys. During roughhouse sessions he occasionally became sexually disturbed, but did not realize the implication at that time.
When he was seventeen years of age he had his first sexual experience with a girl.
"It was a girl I had known most of my life. Her folks were close friends of my parents," Paul reported.
"A group of young people went on a picnic. Somehow Maribelle and I became separated from the others and we got in a petting party. She evidently expected me to make advances and suggested that we have intercourse.
"The experience was not very satisfactory. We never repeated the act, and I saw little of her the rest of that summer. She later married and now has several children and seems to be very happy."
Paul experimented with his first serious homosexual affair during his senior year in college, when he and another senior man became involved with one another. For several months this relationship was quite active. After graduation they parted and the affair was terminated.
Back home he went to work in a bank and became involved with a girl who worked there. After taking her out a number of times he persuaded her to have intercourse with him. After she had consented he found that he was impotent and could not complete the act. His embarrassment caused him to stop taking her out and shortly afterward she became engaged to someone else.
Helen came from a family that had known his for many years. She was younger than Paul so they had not attended school together. He became interested in her during his second year at the bank.
"Meanwhile," Paul told the psychiatrist, "I'd been worried about my moment of impotence with the girl in the bank, so I had managed to get a number of books concerning sex and had studied them. I understood homosexuality a little better, but not completely because the books I had were mostly concerned with information for people about to be married.
"I learned the techniques of making love to a woman, the importance of the erogenous zones, the ways to arouse a woman. During our necking, I tried some of these techniques with Helen and discovered that she was a passionate and responsive girl. Her response awakened a similar response in me during these premarital days and there was no doubt about my potency. I felt that I had found the answer to my problems. I looked forward to our marriage." The first year of marriage was fairly satisfactory sexually for both Paul and Helen. During this time Helen discovered that Paul was inclined to be lax about their financial affairs, in spite of his employment in a bank, and she began to assume a managerial attitude about the household.
Paul, in retrospect, attributed some of his turning against her to her growing show of dominance during this period. This, in turn, was a reawakening of his earlier home life and the dominance of his father and older sisters, reviewing again the sense of insecurity previously established by the aggressive father.
During the second year of marriage, Paul became involved with Clinton S. A reconstruction of Paul's first-person case history follows:
I had joined an athletic club for exercise and I met Clinton there. We became evening handball partners and afterward I often stopped at his apartment for a cup of coffee before going home.
The apartment was decorated in impeccable good taste and I immediately sensed that Clinton was interested in me far beyond a casual friendship.
One evening after playing handball he put an arm idly around my shoulders as we walked to the showers from the locker room. We were alone in the place except for an attendant who was busy. We went into the shower room and Clinton kept his arm around me and we stopped for a second as the door closed behind us. We looked at one another and there was no doubt about our mutual feeling.
Later that night in his apartment we had our first homosexual experience together. Unfortunately, when I got home Helen was waiting up for me, reading in bed.
"Good game?" she asked.
"Excellent. We played several more than we intended and then went down and bowled," I lied, to account for my lengthy evening. "I enjoy Clint."
"I'm glad you have a pal," she said, but without much sincerity. Obviously she was more interested in other things because she kicked back the covers of the bed and stretched lazily.
"It's so hot in here," she complained. "This summer heat." She was wearing a nightgown and now she got up and took it off. "Too hot for nightclothes," she said, giving me a meaningful smile.
I undressed, taking a long time in the bathroom, hoping that I could avoid the issue that was coming. Finally I returned to the bedroom, where she was waiting for me.
"I think it would be nice if we made love," she said thoughtfully, giving me an impish look. "It's been quite a while...."
For a few seconds I hesitated. Being with Clinton had completely drained me of desire to make love with Helen. I didn't know what to do.
"I'm too tired," I finally said.
"You didn't act tired when you came home," she said, and there was a sudden thoughtfulness in her voice. I had a moment's fear that she might suspect what was happening between Clinton and me, but I dismissed the thought at once. She would have no reason to suspect my interest in a man. Perhaps, if I tried, I could be successful.
"Maybe I'm not," I smiled. I turned out the light and went to the bed.
My hopes had been in vain. It was a failure and I was completely impotent with her. I tried every device I knew, and only succeeded in making her more anxious than ever for our union, while I remained utterly impotent.
She sensed that something was wrong and began to cry. She asked if she was to blame, if she had done something. I felt terrible about it all because I loved her. But my love couldn't find release in sexual excitement.
That night started it. From then on relations between us became more and more strained. Yet I couldn't tell her about Clinton and me. It became especially difficult when she insisted that I bring Clint home to dinner. Obviously she was still blaming herself for the barrier between us, although she didn't know how she was causing it. She probably thought that by insisting that I bring my friends home she could make our home friendlier and help remedy things.
Clinton was charming to her, but when she was out of the room our hands met and we spoke intimately of our feelings toward one another.
Then one night Helen was going to a party and suggested that Clinton have dinner with us and that we two men could go out and bowl afterward.
Rather than arouse any suspicions, I told her I thought it would be a good idea.
After dinner Helen took our car to go to the party while Clinton and I did the dinner dishes. After we had finished, we decided against bowling and watched television for a time instead. With the lights out and the intimacy of the semi darkened room upon us, our feelings toward one another began to take effect.
We went into the bedroom. I don't know how long we were there, but I know that eventually we both went to sleep.
The snapping on of the bedroom light awakened me. I looked up and saw Helen standing in the doorway, her eyes large with shock. I realized that Clinton and I were unclothed. Even the most naive of women would certainly understand what had been happening.
Helen stifled a quick, hard sob and then she was gone from the doorway. I heard the front door slam. Beside me Clinton sat up and there was genuine regret in his voice when he spoke.
"I'm sorry, Paul. Truly I am."
I knew that this spelled the end for Helen and me. I moved into Clinton's apartment that night.
I thought there never could be a reconciliation, but I under estimated Helen's understanding; and her folks, although I think they would rather Helen would get a divorce.
Anyhow, that is how it happened. I'm seeking psychiatric help because I don't want to lose Helen. She means enough to me to want to straighten myself out--if it can be done.
Paul's homosexuality was largely an expression of mother attachment and the insecurity imposed by his aggressive father. Therapy was employed, with Helen accepting a share of responsibility in the treatment of her husband.
With a full understanding of his own problems, and with Helen's aid, heterosexual relations were once again established and the impotence problem was fairly well solved.
After three years, when the case was last checked, they still were living together as man and wife and apparently quite happily.
Of course every case poses its own problems. Quite often the experiences in heterosexuality that a homosexual may have are little more than experimentations and often are not satisfactory.
Some bisexual persons never marry, but lead a strange life of involvements with partners of both sexes.
If we are to accept statistical evidence, however, we must know that a considerable number of both men and women have had bisexual experiences during their adult lives. Kinsey reported that 18 per cent of the males studied have at least as much homosexual as heterosexual experience for at least three years between the ages of sixteen and fifty five-better than one in six of the white male population.
Not always do early family life situations and other abnormal or subnormal conditions contribute greatly to a later deviation toward bisexuality.
A case in point is that of Hortense V., whose husband became alarmed by her association with known lesbians after a period of time when he had looked upon her homosexual flirtations as merely a "lark."
Hortense was a petite brunette of twenty-six years of age. She wore long brown hair in a bob and she used make-up to advantage to accent her thin face, large blue eyes and good profile. Her dress and actions were strongly feminine. She was frank, co-operative and most attentive with the psychiatrist to whom she was brought by her husband.
A resume of her family background disclosed that there were no violent discords, although the father and mother quarreled occasionally. The socioeconomic conditions were not particularly detrimental. There was some evidence that a boy child had been desired, and Hortense at times acted boy-like, but not to the extent of being a "tomboy."
During her adolescence she had many boy friends, and although she indulged in considerable necking and petting, it went no further due to a fear of pregnancy and her mother's warnings about sex.
She met her husband, Peter, at a party and immediately fell in love with him. They had a fast courtship, which ended in an elopement just four weeks after they met.
"My parents were wild," Hortense related. "They didn't like Pete and accused him of being shiftless and a no good. They wanted me to wait and marry someone more settled down."
After a year of marriage, her husband's attention became minimal, and it is from this point that Hortense began to run into sexual difficulties:
Hortense, 26, married, bisexual After our first anniversary, I began to notice that Peter seemed to take me for granted. Our love-making seemed to have lost its excitement for him. As a matter-of-fact, it got so that we made love only once in a great while, and then he acted as if he weren't particularly interested.
I finally demanded if he was no longer in love with me. "Of course I am," he told me. "That's a crazy question. Why did you ask?"
"Well, we don't make love very often. You never seem to want me like you did at first."
He looked almost disgusted with me. "So I'm tired, baby. I put in a hard day. The job is getting harder if I want to get anywhere."
"Maybe you've found someone else."
He laughed at me. "Sure. I've found somebody else. I'm so tired now when I get home that I take on someone else, too! That makes sense."
"But something's wrong, Peter. What is it? Is it something I've done?" I asked. I couldn't entirely believe the story about being tired.
We had finished dinner and we were sitting on a couch watching television. Now he reached for me and pulled me against him and kissed me.
"Nothing's wrong, honey. Believe me," he said. "I mean it. I'm tired nights. It's just ... well, I've got things on my mind. I'm bucking for a raise. You know about that. And
... well, it's just that, I guess. I still love you, so stop talking that way."
He kissed me again and held me a few moments.
"Okay," he whispered. "Tonight. How about tonight, baby?"
Later that night he kept his word, but he might as well not have. It was over so quickly, and he was asleep almost before I could realize that it was finished.
For a long time I stayed awake, unsatisfied, restless, staring into the darkness and wondering what had happened to us, and what was wrong.
The next morning Peter was all smiles and cheerfulness. You would have thought that everything was perfect for us. I kissed him good-by and he went to work and I sat down at the kitchen table to finish some coffee.
"Swell!" I thought. "Just swell. So what do I do now?"
A half-hour later, Carlotta, a friend of mine, solved that for me. She called me and asked me to a party for that afternoon.
"Some girls you haven't met," she said. "You and I will be the only married ones, but we'll have some fun."
Ordinarily I probably wouldn't have been interested. Carlotta was not one of my favorites, and she usually ran with a fast crowd. But I was in the mood for something different.
"It sounds like fun," I told her.
"I'll stop by for you," she said. "I have our car today."
I might have known that she would be mixed up with something completely different from anything I'd seen before. This time it was lesbians. I didn't learn this until later, and as far as that is concerned I really never had given much thought to lesbians, nor did I know much about them.
One of them, a slim blonde named Sandra, who drank too much and seemed to be much too intense about everything she did, obviously took a fancy to me.
Because I didn't realize what she was, I assumed that it was mere friendliness and I liked her. The party actually was a cocktail party and by dinner time all of us felt pretty good. I was late getting home, but Peter didn't seem to mind.
"I'm glad you're making some new friends," he said when I told him about the party.
Later on, even when I began to suspect what some of my new friends were and told Peter my suspicions, he seemed to take it as a joke.
"Play it for kicks, then," he laughed. "You're certainly not that way, and if you're getting a kick out of it all, I can't see where there's any harm in it. I don't think you'll ever end up queer, honey. Not you!"
I was tempted to tell him that I wasn't sure how I'd end up if he didn't pay more attention to me.
The parties continued and there came a night when Peter was out of town and Sandra asked me to her apartment for dinner. I decided to go.
We had quite a few drinks before we ate and then more afterward. I felt them and became drowsy. We watched television and talked and once or twice Sandra had her arm around me, but she didn't go further than that.
"Why don't you stay all night?" she urged. "There's no sense in your going home."
A small warning was sounding itself through my consciousness, and I told her I'd better go home.
"Not yet," she said. "It's still early. Let me mix some more drinks."
We drank for another hour and by then I didn't care as much about leaving. I was deliciously drowsy and comfortable. I agreed to stay all night.
We went to bed and within a short time I learned how truly a lesbian she was. At first I resisted her attentions, but she was persistent and clever and the drinks had greatly weakened my natural defenses.
She knew, too, that Peter and I had not had relations for weeks. I had admitted that earlier in the evening when the talk had turned to sex. Now she took full advantage of that with her skilled caresses and her knowledge of lesbian practices. But the experience was dimmed by the grim knowledge that I was playing with fire-a fire that might disturb my whole life.
Within a few weeks I had experienced homosexual love not only with Sandra, but with two others in the group. Sandra occupied most of my time,, however, and I began to spend nights there.
At first Peter was tolerant and still considered the whole thing some kind of a joke. Then he began to worry and finally he realized that our marriage was very close to breaking up.
Perhaps the realization that he was about to lose me made me attractive to him again. Or perhaps it was something about knowing that I was having an affair with another woman. I don't know exactly what it was, but I know that suddenly he wanted me again.
I actually had left him by this time, and was living with Sandra. She wanted me to divorce Peter and live with her. The idea frightened me, although I found myself irrevocably drawn to her. It was as if she had cast an evil spell over me. If only Peter had understood some of the things about love that Sandra understood!
Finally Peter came to me and asked me to return and have a child.
"Maybe this will make everything all right again," he said. "I love you, and I want you. I want us to have children."
For the first time in months I felt pulled away from Sandra. I, too, had wanted children, but before this Peter had always said we had to wait until he was more certain of his future; until we had a greater income.
"I don't know," I told him. "I'm afraid now. I don't know if I can come back. I've changed, Peter. I'm not the same woman. I'm not my own mistress. And if I got pregnant and then I wanted to stay with Sandra again-it would be terrible, Peter."
"Do you still love me?"
"Yes. In a way. I don't think I ever stopped. It's just that Sandra knows how to make me happy. You never did--not after the first year."
"Maybe I can learn."
"It will take more than just-well, just knowing, I guess. It's all so mixed up."
Peter was quiet for a few moments and then he said, "Will you go to a doctor with me? Maybe we can find a solution-break through the barrier of confusion that's twisting our lives into a knot."
"Yes. Yes, I'll do that," I agreed. "I don't want to be like Sandra, nor live that way. I want to have children. Only-Peter, I have to be certain. I have to be loved. Do you understand what I mean? I have to be loved!"
"We'll go to a doctor," he said. "We'll try, darling...."
The next day he made our appointment. So now ... well, now what?
Hortense's story ended happily for her. It was quickly ascertained that she was strongly heterosexual and that the affair with Sandra had been a frantic substitution for the love and attention that Peter had denied her.
A dormant homosexuality obviously was strong in Hortense, but it was brought under control when she fully understood it.
Peter received psychiatric help in better adjusting to his marriage and a more satisfactory sex life resulted for both of them. Within the year Hortense became pregnant. They eventually had four children and there was no further evidence of bisexual activities upon Hortense's part. At her last follow-up interview with the doctor she said that she believed she was entirely "over" her bisexual activities.
Some case histories do not report discontinuance of bisexual interests and the literature of psychiatry records many cases where bisexual activities continued for the greater part of a subject's life.
A famous entertainer shared her sex life almost indiscriminately with partners of either sex, nor did she wish to abandon her way of life. She sought help to cure alcoholism, and freely admitted her unorthodox sex life to psychiatrists, who tried to lead her out of alcoholism. There was good reason to believe, of course, that her bisexual life and alcoholism where linked. Therapy was not especially successful for her.
A young woman made a practice of having sex orgies with two men quite frequently, admitting to police psychiatrists that the men had relations with her and then with one another. She later admitted homosexual practices with other women and reported that bisexuality was quite common in the group with which she associated.
An advertising account executive was on the verge of marrying an attractive model and suddenly broke the engagement. Two months later he was living with an acknowledged homosexual man. The affair lasted for almost six months during which time the advertising man lost his job because of it.
A year later he had left the man and again was taking women out. He had obtained a job with another advertising agency and had become a confirmed sports enthusiast, was racing boats, and making a serious study of judo.
Many prostitutes live flagrantly bisexual lives, making their living through heterosexual contacts and confining their personal lives to homosexual partnerships.
In describing bisexuals, and their marital status and patterns of sex practices, Karpman points out that among bisexual men: "Some never marry but maintain relations with the opposite sex; some marry, but their wives are apt to be active, energetic; perhaps forced into dominance by weak passive husbands."
Of women bisexuals he writes: "Many women bisexuals marry, since a woman homosexual is not as comfortable single as is a man and they can better simulate heterosexuality. They do not make good wives. They may or may not have children."
As with incest, it is quite possible that the condemnation of bisexuality, along with homosexuality, is largely the result of man-made beliefs, customs and laws. Zoologists and animal psychologists are fairly well in agreement that man is basically bisexual. This theory of bisexuality is well advanced and undoubtedly well authenticated. Its control among humans therefore is largely a matter of social and cultural pressures and contributing factors in the sexual area. It is quite possible that under other circumstances than those in our society, bisexuality would be treated differently. The full bisexual potentiality obviously exists.
As F. A. Beach says in Psychosexual Development: "The results of a comparative survey tend to favor the belief that exclusively heterosexual or homosexual behavior in human beings is a product of individual experience and learning. It appears probable that in the absence of cultural channelization many, if not all men and women, would possess the capacity for complete erotic response to members of either sex."
This in turn may cause the reader to view soberly some bisexual cases with the thought that: "There, but for the grace of culture, go I!"
And quite possibly that is the truth!
CHAPTER NINE
Narcissism
The case of Joan W. (from a psychiatrist's viewpoint)
The case history of Joan W. begins with the first visit that her husband, Edward, made to me on a hot summer day several years ago.
Edward W. was in his late thirties; a well-built, good-looking man who had established a good business in the city. We belonged to the same country club and my wife and I had been out with Edward and Joan socially.
I was a little surprised when my receptionist informed me that he had made an appointment, and when he arrived at the stated hour, I greeted him more as a friend than as a patient.
"I'm not the patient," he explained a few moments later, after we had taken care of amenities. "As a matter-of-fact, I don't know if there is a patient yet. But there's a problem and that's why I've decided to talk it over with you, Jim."
"Then let's talk," I smiled. I shoved a package of cigarettes across my desk and he took one and lit it thoughtfully.
"It's Joan," he said.
I waited. It was his story to tell. I'd let him tell it as he had planned it.
He hesitated a moment and contemplated the smoke from his cigarette. Finally he looked at me and said, "What do you think of Joan?" he said. "You've been out with us. You and Nell know us. Just what do you think?"
This could be an unconscious trap that Edward could be setting for me. It could be his unconscious bid for my sympathy. It could be anything, as a matter-of-fact.
I visualized her in my mind's eyes; a woman of about thirty, beautiful, charming, intelligent and cultured. She had all the important social graces. She was attractive to men and, possibly, to some women. She was a good hostess, a gay and pleasant guest, and all in all a very poised, well groomed, attractive woman.
To evade an answer, I smiled and shrugged. "Well, she's ... she's Joan. You know...."
He smiled. "I know. Her lovely yellow hair, the blue eyes, the perfect complexion, the beautiful body. Her graciousness and charm. I imagine a great many men envy me, Jim."
He looked at me for a moment. I smiled again and waited.
He shrugged. "So to the problem."
His smile faded and he obviously was summoning the courage to talk about very intimate facts. He cleared his throat a little and said: "Jim, our marriage is damned near on the rocks. That's why I'm here. I'm trying to save it. I don't want the marriage to fail."
"Maybe you'd better tell me all of it, Ed."
"There isn't too much to tell. She's beautiful, lovely, desirable, and everything a man should want-and she's frigid. She spends hours at her mirror, at beauty parlors, at expensive gown shops. She keeps herself so beautiful it drives a man crazy. And then she's as cold as ice when we make love. And now-well, it's getting so that I'm almost impotent. When you don't awaken a spark, you begin to wonder about yourself. I'm intelligent enough to understand ... but what do I do? What's wrong?"
"Have you any idea what it might be, Ed?"
"Possibly," he admitted. "Narcissism?"
"I wouldn't say for sure without a few sessions with her."
"Can you do anything about it?"
"That depends. Does she want to save the marriage? Does she know that it's floundering?"
"She knows. We've talked about it."
"Will she come to see me?"
"Yes. She's worried about the frigidity."
"Let's give it a try, Ed."
The following week Joan made her first visit to my office. She came in a little embarrassed, yet trying desperately to maintain an air of sophistication.
"I never thought I'd visit you professionally," she smiled. She glanced around my office and nodded approval. "It's a friendly office, Jim. I've never been to a psychiatrist before. Do we do the couch bit? All of that?"
"Not necessarily. I just want you to be comfortable and to be able to talk with me."
"Will you want to know all the details about my childhood? Like the time I kissed Tommy Smith behind the kitchen door? Or how shocked I was when I learned how babies are made?"
"Perhaps," I smiled. "It's a good start? Just who was Tommy Smith?"
She laughed lightly. "The first boy I ever kissed. I was seven and he told me I was beautiful."
I didn't comment. She asked if she might smoke and reached for the cigarette I offered. She looked at me directly as I lit it for her.
She said. "Maybe that's some of my trouble."
"What?"
"Let's not play games. Am I a narcissist, Jim? Is that it?"
I contemplated the burning tip of my own cigarette. "Did Ed say that?"
"Yes."
"When?"
"Several months ago. After the Krondle party? Remember it? You and Nell were there."
"I remember," I said.
"The scene?"
"You accused Ed of showing some extra attention to Sally."
"Well, he was! Outside on the patio. You know it as well as I do." Anger flashed in her eyes.
"I don't know, Joan. I didn't see them out there. I only know what you said to him in the kitchen when we were all there getting our drinks freshened up."
"All right! So I lost my temper. But you should see how he loses his temper when I flirt a little with some other man. And, Jim-I simply can't stand a jealous man."
I wondered if she would ever realize how accurately she portrayed the typical narcissistic woman-their usual annoyance if a husband displays a touch of jealousy, and their own anger if the husband shows an interest in another woman. As I recalled, Edward and Sally had gone out to the patio for some fresh air. There had been nothing out of the way about it as far as I knew. And certainly Edward had no reputation for making passes at other women!
On the other hand, Joan flirted with virtually every man she met, and among the men of our group she sometimes had caused a few raised eyebrows, and not infrequently an angry look from a concerned wife.
I waited now for her anger to cool a little. She smoked nervously and glanced at me with an uncertain look in her eyes.
"I suppose that little outburst told you something about me," she said.
I shrugged.
"There's something so weird about it," she said. "I mean you psychiatrists. It makes me feel like one of those dreams when you are caught in front of a lot of men without any clothes on and they're admiring you. You make me feel undressed; as if you're inspecting me and looking for flaws."
I smiled, making a mental note of her dream reference.
"But I actually haven't any, Jim-I mean flaws on my skin, not even a mole!"
I nodded, almost indifferently.
She looked at me with a new interest.
"Tell me, Jim. Am I desirable? I mean ... psychiatrically speaking. You must know about things like this. Sex and all the rest. Am I a desirable woman?"
"You should know, Joan."
"Yes ... yes, I guess I do. I really can't help it, Jim. You understand that, don't you? I mean, it's always been like that. Ever since I can remember. People making a fuss over me. Men wanting me. It's something I didn't ask for, Jim. Something I couldn't do anything about."
And something that you've loved, and carefully nurtured, and exploited all your life, I thought.
I thought about something else. I thought about the times I had danced with her at parties and the insinuating way she could be against you, and the flirtatious dare in her eyes, the invitation to go beyond the brief moment of social friendship and, perhaps, explore the forbidden.
How deftly she managed to put all of it in a look, a word, a movement of her beautifully formed body. And she was usually successful to the extent that I had noticed male eyes furtively following her at almost every party. I had watched and had recognized the contemplative question in those eyes. Would she? Could there be a brief skirmish with adultery there? Was it all flirtation, or was there a willingness to follow through?
How often I'd seen the look, and how often had I mentally smiled. Even then I was suspicious and almost certain that Joan never went beyond a flirtation. She loved to tease. She loved to excite. But she never loved-except herself.
"What do you mean, Joan? 'Something I couldn't do anything about'. What 'something'?"
"Well ... the way I look. I mean, it's all I heard when I was a youngster."
"How did your parents treat you?"
"Well, they told me that I was beautiful when I was a child."
"Oh?"
"Jim, why do some people have so much beauty, and others not?"
"Some people?"
"You know what I mean," she said shortly, obviously a little annoyed that I wouldn't take her bait.
"No. What do you mean?"
"Well-all right! I have a lot that other women don't have."
I was silent, my face without expression.
"I mean-well, know I-" Suddenly she stopped speaking and looked at me with a small change of expression and some of the annoyance was gone from her frown.
"Am I doing that now?" she asked. "I mean about the narcissism. Ed is certain that all this has something to do with the:-well, you know what I mean...."
"Your frigidity?"
She looked away. "Yes."
"We'll find out, perhaps. It takes time, Joan. We can't do it all in one talk together. It may take a great many. I want you to tell me a great many things about yourself."
"You mean-well, sort of a game of truth? Nothing held back?"
"Do you think you could do that?"
"I think it might be exciting!"
Thus began our sessions. They extended over a period of months and as we progressed with the therapy, Joan seemed to find a release for her narcissism in uninhibited talk about herself. Obviously this was largely because she was of the greatest interest to herself; she loved herself; she was the center of her attention; the object of her love. At times, when she went into her deepest memories, she seemed to regard herself almost objectively.
Parts of her case history reveal these excursions into memories, when she could relive moments almost lyrically:
Joan: I can remember my adolescence and when my breasts began to grow prominent. I would lock my bedroom door and stand in the nude before a door mirror in my room and admire my small breasts.
It was so wonderful becoming a woman; to see the lovely lines of my body; the long, clean lines of my thighs, the round pertness of my breasts, the silhouette of buttocks. And my features-so lovely, so good in profile. The silky sheen of my honey-colored hair; the blue of my eyes; the perfect line of my mouth.
All of these I watched bloom into womanhood. I stood for hours in front of my mirror and admired. I danced for myself. I performed for myself. I tried my dresses on endlessly. I did my hair in all the ways I could.
How much I have always loved the ritual of preparing for bed. The long and leisurely bath, the soaping and cleansing of skin, the soft and fragrant delight of lotions and creams for my face and my body. The two hundred strokes of the brush through my hair. The careful examination for any small blemish on my skin, and the wonderful relief of finding none.
How lucky I have been to be so beautiful! How wonderful it is!
Yes-yes! ... Or is it?
So she talked about her beauty. And with her talk about her beauty came a further release of inhibitions and she talked frankly of other things: One day, for instance, in an hour of extreme frankness she told how she had probed the mystery of self-caress and self-satisfactions.
Sometimes I remember the girl in the Hemingway story....I think: "I love me ... oh, I love me ... I'm beautiful to me." Does this make sense to you? Do you understand how it is for me?
I was so glad when I read in the book about sex that it's not really wrong to do that. I don't like the word "masturbation." I hate the word. It's an ugly word for a beautiful thing, because loving yourself is the most beautiful of all things.
Then , ... then I feel remorse when Ed is unhappy with me because I can't respond to him. And I wonder if that's the reason. But I really don't care, I guess. I wish it could be better for Ed, but I only know the other is the only way it's good for me-and then it's beautiful....
I: I don't believe it's hopeless. Maybe you're beginning to understand it now. Maybe that's why you think it's hopeless. You are recognizing facts.
Joan: But it still isn't any good for Ed and me. I try. I really try, Jim. But it doesn't work.
I: Does Ed help as he's supposed to help?
Joan : He's being wonderful. Everything. Everything you've told him. Sometimes right up to the moment ... and I think it's going to be all right, and then it isn't.
I: Patience.
Joan: Maybe when I'm old. I will be old someday, you know. All this carefully nurtured, carefully tended body and beauty and ... and bitchiness will eventually be worn and sagging and old.
I: Why 'bitchiness'?
Joan: Because I think I have been a bitch as far as Ed is concerned. He's such a nice guy! I: Do you love him?
Joan: I used to think I did, but I now think-well, he was a convenient person whom I liked more than anyone else I'd ever met. And I felt that I owed him so much. And I did so want to be nice to him.
I: Now?
Joan: Now I want to be complete with him. Do you know what I mean?
I: Yes. I think I know what you mean.
Eventually progress was made to the point where occasional sexual success occurred between them. Encouraged by this, Joan continued in therapy. Edward's extreme tolerance and understanding managed to hold the marriage together until a better adjustment was made.
As in so many cases, Joan's narcissism could easily be traced from early childhood, when she was told frequently that she was beautiful, was pampered by her parents and other relatives, and eventually become a spoiled, egotistical child.
In her case there apparently were no homosexual complications and Joan reported no erotic responses to any women during her life. She had expected to enjoy sex when she had married Edward and was bitterly disappointed when she failed to achieve the satisfaction she had anticipated.
Two years after Edward approached me, I put the case history in my follow-up files. My wife and I see them frequently and my wife recently told me that they expect a child. This quite possibly may terminate the case permanently for me, especially if the child receives the love that Joan is capable of giving it. A love diverted from herself.
Narcissism was named after Narcissus, the Greek god who fell in love with the reflection of his own image. It is found among both sexes and is generally recognized as a natural component of the libido. A synonymous term, "autoeroticism," has often been used for the manifestations of the narcissistic component.
A good deal of mystery has surrounded it over the centuries, and several theories about it have been advanced.
Stekel regarded it as a manifestation of wounded self-love. Hirschfield attributed it to a splitting of the personality, one aspect of the self admiring the other.
As with some of the other deviations, narcissism is frequently a part of homosexuality, and also has been closely connected with exhibitionism, fetishism and other deviations. Henry found it so closely related to homosexuality that narcissistic cases receive their own heading and separate treatment in his study of homosexuality.
Probably of greatest importance to many married couples is the frequent relation of narcissism to frigidity, as in Joan's case.
Ferenczi has suggested that narcissism is a part of the process of evolution. In 1913 Freud had accepted the viewpoint that primitive man, like the child, may often be narcissistic and that paranoia is a fixation of narcissism, and the following year he used the term "narcism."
London and Caprio point out that narcissism and sadism are interrelated. In regard to "narcism," as they choose to spell it, and homosexuality, they state in Sexual Deviations: "Allowing for exceptions, many beautiful women sometimes have an unconscious desire to attract many men but refuse to fall in love with any one man. In this respect they are latent homosexuals."
Virtually all persons who are concerned with the troubles that affect people psychiatrically and medically know the dangers of narcissism.
There is nothing particularly humorous to them in the phrase, "I love me."
They've seen it bring too much unhappiness.
CHAPTER TEN
Oedipus and Electra
To the uninformed, it might appear that psychiatrists, psychologists and anthropologists are all in complete agreement as to the meaning of words like complex, neurosis, fixation, compulsion, psychosis, paraphilia therapy.
This is not true. As yet psychiatry and psychology are not exact sciences by any means. An accepted school of psychiatric thought of today may be in doubt or even disrepute tomorrow. Freud at one time was considered a charlatan, and even a scoundrel, for teaching some of his beliefs.
His work was increasingly accepted and he became a leading figure in his field. Later, however, some of his disciples deserted him and set up their own schools of thought. Today Freud's doctrine is by no means dead. Much of it has been adopted by medical authorities.
None of this need overly concern the average layman as he seeks a fundamental understanding of psychiatry and psychology. The complete theories are complex and difficult to comprehend without a proper academic background. However, most readers come upon echoes of Freud in almost any casual reading about psychiatry, and even in contemporary novels, plays and other literature.
Two such echoes have become commonplace: the Oedipus complex and the Electra complex. These were the terms that Freud gave to what might ordinarily be described as the "father complex" (Electra) and the "mother complex" (Oedipus).
Both terms come from Greek mythology. Electra, daughter of Agamemnon and Clytemnestra, inspired her brother to kill their mother and their mother's lover to avenge her father's murder. Freud adopted this myth to describe a daughter's excessive devotion to her father.
In the same way he used the Greek story of Oedipus to designate a relationship between a son and mother. According to the legend, Oedipus was an exiled son who returned home, and unknowingly killed his father and later married his own mother. The Oedipus complex, as described by Freud, signifies an excessive attachment of a son for his mother.
A study of psychiatric literature reveals more references to the Oedipus complex than to the Electra complex, but there is reference to both complexes in virtually the whole field of psychopathy. Both are given major importance in cases involving homosexuality and, of course, in incest. Some experts believe that the Oedipus complex is present in every homosexual.
Freud believed that the Oedipus and Electra complexes are common to all children in infancy, but usually die down and disappear at about the age of five. If the complex does not disappear, it may remain "fixed"-that is, orderly development of the sexual response is interfered with and a large quantity of libido (sexual energy) continues to retain this early, infantile pattern. In normal children, the doctrine holds, the complexes have no lasting significance and usually disappear altogether at puberty.
In a great many psychiatric cases, one of these complexes may be so deeply imbedded that only the most long-term psychotherapy reveals it. Yes most of us have seen examples of the trouble that may come from the Electra complex, or the unhappiness that may result from the Oedipus complex.
Perhaps two case histories will demonstrate. The first concerns a young woman in her twenties. Her name was Jennifer. She was slim, brown-eyed, brown-haired, and beautifully tanned when she came to a psychiatrist for her initial visit, during which she was unusually blunt and frank.
"You can't help me," Jennifer told the doctor at once.
"Oh? Then why are you here?"
"My husband asked me to come."
"Why?"
"Because he isn't satisfied with our sexual relations."
"Are you?"
"Do I have to be? As long as he is?"
The doctor didn't answer. She looked at him as if she expected another question, and finally she spoke again.
"I guess I don't have a very good attitude about this. Jack-my husband-said we should be sensible about it. We're both university graduates. We're supposed to be quite modern and sensible and open-minded about everything."
"Are you?"
"Maybe not. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it is important that I reach a climax every time we have intercourse. Only it doesn't seem so important to me."
"It must be important because your physician referred you both to me. Is your husband coming in?"
"If you wish."
"It probably would be better."
"It's really my fault, though. At least, I think it is."
"About your marriage?"
She nodded. "Sometimes I believe I shouldn't have married Jack."
"Oh?"
"He's not ... well, he isn't what I really wanted. I mean, he's not the kind of man I really wanted to marry. It was so sudden, our meeting each other and falling in love and everything. It was just before the Korean War and Jack was going overseas. We just decided to get married. We eloped, and within a couple of weeks he was gone. When he came back I found out."
"Found out?"
"Yes. I mean ... that it was all wrong."
Subsequent interviews slowly unfolded Jennifer's background and the elements that contributed eventually to her unhappy marriage."
Let us review parts of her case history.
Jennifer, age 26, married
I had three sisters and two brothers. Everyone in the family always said that I was my father's favorite. Perhaps that was because Dad and I seemed to enjoy the same things so much. He loved music and so did I. We liked classical music and not the modern stuff so much. None of the other kids nor my mother cared very much about music as Dad and I did.
He would take me to symphony concerts even when I was a little girl. I loved to go with him and he tried to explain the music. Later, when I was in high school, we used to have regular dates at the symphony and he would always take me some place afterward for something to eat. It was almost like having a date with a boy, only more exciting because Dad was a man and talked to me as if I were an adult woman, discussing the music we had heard, things that happened at the office where he was office manager, and sometimes telling me about things that had happened to him in his life.
My father and I were very, very close.
Of course, there probably was a reason why Dad always thought so much of me. I was the oldest girl and when mother was away from home, like the times when she took the younger kids to my grandparents' ranch, I sometimes stayed home and kept house for Dad. I almost hated to have Mother return home. She always seemed to come back just when I really had the house going as I liked it.
Dad used to laugh about it and say that I was a born housewife, and that I'd certainly make someone a fine wife sometime.
"No, I won't," I'd say, and really mean it. The idea of being married used to scare me. I wanted to keep house for Dad, but whenever I thought about having a husband, it really scared me.
I remember the time I brought Alex home after we had decided to be married, although we planned to keep it a secret. He looked so large beside Dad, who was rather thin and wiry.
Dad smiled a sort of whimsical smile he sometimes used as he looked up at Alex and sized him up.
"Hi, Alex. You look bigger every time I see you," he said, and they both laughed. Then Dad put his arm around me and winked at Alex and said, "But these girls seem to handle us just as easy whether we're big or small. She bossing you around yet?"
I blushed a little because Dad really embarrassed me. I'd never tried to boss Dad in all my life, and he knew it. But it was his way of teasing me.
"I guess she does, sir," Alex grinned.
I remember that moment vividly. The three of us standing there and I was thinking how much larger and stronger Alex was than Dad. I thought, too, that as much as I loved Alex, no one could ever really take Dad's place in a lot of ways.
Then I had the oddest feeling that Alex was a complete stranger to me. It frightened me for a moment because of our decision to be married. It didn't seem right that the man who was to be my husband could be so complete a stranger right then.
Dad broke the moment by offering me the key to the family car. Alex's old second-hand car was in a garage for repairs.
When we were in the car, Alex said: "I think we ought to tell them, Jan. Your parents and mine. I don't like it this way."
"No," I said. And I was afraid again. For some reason I didn't want to tell Dad. I knew that sooner or later I would have to tell him, but I also knew that the moment I did, something would be ended. I just didn't want to face up to it. Not then.
I can remember that night very distinctly because later I had a nightmare.
At this point the patient became reticent about disclosing the details of the "nightmare" she had experienced.
The psychiatrist obviously was aware by now that Jennifer's affection for her father, and the close relationship between the two, undoubtedly indicated an Electra complex situation. This was especially evident in the situation where, as a high school girl, she considered their visits to the symphony as "dates."
Subsequently, when the mother was absent from the home, Jennifer relished substituting for the mother as the homemaker and actually resented the return of the mother. There were evidences of an unconscious incestuous element in this circumstance. This was confirmed by the "nightmare" when Jennifer revealed it to the doctor at a later date, as follows:
I dreamed that Alex and I were being married. We were in the music hall where my father and I often went to hear the symphony. The orchestra was playing as Alex and I walked down a long aisle.
At the end of the aisle my father was standing. When we were almost to him he turned his back on us and the music stopped. I turned and ran and Alex was running after me.
I was in a big hall again and there was music. A man was bending over me. I was on my back and the man was my father. I kept saying, "I'm married ... I'm married ... I'm married...."
Then the man was Alex and he said, "I know ... I'm your husband. I know ... I'm your husband."
I shut my eyes and he made love to me. It was all confused and very exciting. It was sexual, but I don't know exactly how. I opened my eyes and it no longer was Alex but my father and I began to cry.
After telling the dream, Jennifer admitted that she had always been ashamed of it because of the incestuous implications in it.
"I almost felt as if Dad and I actually had done something wrong, even if it was only a dream," Jennifer told the doctor.
"Did the dream recur?"
"No. But I thought about it often."
"When?"
"I'd rather not say."
The doctor nodded and was silent. Jennifer suddenly smiled a little. "I'm holding back again. I know ... I shouldn't. I understand better now."
The doctor refrained from commenting.
"I remembered the dream on my wedding night. I want to tell you how it was."
Jennifer described her wedding night as follows:
After we were married in the little town, we sent telegrams to our folks. We simply didn't want to have to talk to them. Then we drove down the highway until we came to a nice looking motel and went in and Alex registered for us.
We were very self-conscious and I giggled when he got back in the car and told me that they had acted as if they didn't believe we were married, but didn't particularly care. I held up the finger with my new wedding band.
"Should we go back so I can show them?"
"It's none of their business now," Alex laughed. He parked the car and we went into the unit.
It was nice. Everything was clean and the furniture was modern and looked well cared for.
"I should have carried you across the threshold I" Alex said.
"What a breach of etiquette!"
He picked me up and whirled around. I realized again-how big he was. Such a large man! Then he walked to the bed and carefully put me down.
"I love you," he said softly.
He bent over me to kiss me and that was when I remembered the dream. It almost frightened me and I opened my eyes and clung to him. We were married. This was my husband. I mustn't remember the dream. I'd keep my eyes open so that I could see and be certain.
Alex became more ardent and I said, "Wait ... not now."
He was very nice and smiled sheepishly.
"I know," he said. "The books we read. We're the enlightened! Only it was sure hard to wait, baby."
The dream had disappeared now and I was beginning to feel the excited fright of the bride. I was a virgin. But we had read several marriage handbooks together. Now I was going to find out how it really was for a man and wife in love.!
Later, in the dark, when it should have been wonderful, it wasn't. I kept remembering the dream and thinking of Dad and what was happening in this room so far from home. I kept seeing Dad's face and feeling so guilty I could almost cry!
Alex was very patient with me. It was late before we finally slept.
And I guess it started then. Sometimes later on-only sometimes-when Alex was very patient was it good for me. But only sometimes.
I kept remembering the dream. And it started on my wedding night.
Jennifer's story told of her return home when Alex left, the stay with her parents until her husband returned from Korea, and the difficulties that followed when more than ever she felt that she was married to a stranger.
Shortly after Alex's return, Jennifer's father died of a heart attack. She suffered a period of intense grief followed by virtual frigidity. She admitted that the memory of her father and the shock of his death had somehow made sex extremely distasteful to her, as if she were committing an act of sacrilege.
With the help of psychotherapy, her evident Electra complex was brought to light so that she understood it: her unconscious incestuous feelings, the guilt feeling for having married another man, the conflict she suffered because the man she had married was so unlike her father physically.
It must be emphasized that Jennifer's story as presented here is but a very highly distilled condensation of a case history that covers many, many hours of psychotherapy. A multitude of details and contributing factors have necessarily been omitted. However, the central motif of the Electra complex that was the basis of Jennifer's maladjustment has been delineated and serves as one example of the effect that the complex may have upon a marriage.
A second condensed case history demonstrates the Oedipus complex.
The psychiatrist who first interviewed Albert K. made these notations:
General Impression:
Albert is now thirty-one, a rather pale, slight man with wavy, dark brown hair, blue eyes and glasses. He has an effeminate-looking face with small features and an especially small mouth. His shoulders are surprisingly broad for his stature, much broader than his hips. His hands are delicate and small, with tapered, well-manicured fingers.
He looks and acts like a minor executive, possibly a salesman in a select business. He is precisely in this type of business and is the head salesman for a reliable jewelry establishment. He takes himself quite seriously. His clothing reflects conservative good taste. His attitude is respectful, attentive and co-operative.
It
"I'm in a terrible predicament," Albert had confessed to his family physician. "My employer is a homosexual. He has been trying to persuade me to become his partner in his practices. Of course I can't. It's unthinkable! But it almost drives me crazy wondering why he wants me. Why do I affect him that way? What can I do to stop it all? I like my job. I've been there four years now and I don't want to leave. But this threatens my whole security."
His physician referred him to a psychiatrist, explaining that the problem obviously stemmed from mental attitudes that a psychiatrist could best deal with.
Some pertinent facts were uncovered about Albert's childhood during his first sessions with the psychiatrist.
He was the third son, born in a middle-class family. His mother had wanted a girl, and after Albert's birth she had been advised not to have more children owing to her health.
"Mother used to tell me that she was sorry that I wasn't a little girl, but she would laugh when she told me and say that it certainly wasn't my fault that I wasn't," Albert explained. "Then she would hug me to her and tell me how much she loved me."
By the time Albert was twelve years old the mother had become a semi-invalid and Albert helped a great deal around the house.
"Mother taught me to cook and even how to sew on the sewing machine. My brothers used to tease me about it, but I didn't mind. I was very proud when I made a shirt for myself, with Mother's help of course."
He had one traumatic experience when he was thirteen years old. Some boys at school cornered him at recess and teased him about being a sissy. He had run away and had refused to go back to school for the rest of the day. That evening a schoolteacher called at the home to talk over the incident with Albert's parents.
Albert was severely reprimanded by his father after the teacher left.
"Why?" demanded his father. "Why did you run away like that?"
"They called me a sissy," Albert said.
"Then why didn't you fight?"
"I couldn't," Albert said, tears filling his eyes. "I can't fight. I'm not like that."
One of his brothers laughed. "That's because he is a sissy, Dad."
"You stay out of this," the father snapped and sent the other children from the room. "Now, young man," he said to Albert. "Just why can't a son of mine stand up and fight? Just why?"
"Now Ralph ... Albert's mother admonished the father. "Albert isn't like the others. He's gentle. He's not ... well, not like you and the others."
"He's what you've made him," the father said, angrily looking at his wife.
Albert was familiar with this argument. He had heard it before and he felt the quivering of fright that it always awakened in him. He wished they wouldn't. He wished his father wouldn't be angry with his mother.
"He's a perfect little gentleman," the mother said and reached out for Albert and pulled him to her. "And he was perfectly right to avoid the fighting."
"That's it! That's just-" The father shrugged in resignation and left the room.
The mother smiled triumphantly and looked down at her son.
"There," she said. "Now, don't worry about it, Albert. It's all right. You did exactly the right thing. Don't let them make you fight."
"But, Mother ... I don't like to be called a sissy."
"Words can never hurt you, Albert. Someday you'll understand that. Just don't pay any attention to them."
In high school Albert became interested in the first girl who was to have a part in his life. She was in his typing class and they began to walk home from school together. Her name was Betty Lou and she was a petite, blond girl who obviously was very intrigued with Albert, although she previously had a reputation for traveling with what was termed a "fast" crowd in school.
"You're so different," she told him. "You're interested in the things a girl wishes a man would like about her. You always notice everything new that I wear. And you know so much about women's clothes."
"They interest me," he admitted. "And clothes look good on you. You know how to wear clothes."
"Yet you're so mannish-I mean your shoulders are so broad. You move so smoothly. Why don't you ever go out for football or some of the sports, Albert? I'll bet you'd be good."
"I'm too busy," he evaded. He didn't want to admit that he detested physical combat of any sort. His mother had taught him how needless it was.
His companionship with Betty Lou finally came to his mother's attention when his brothers teased him about her around the house.
"Why don't you bring her home so that I can meet her?" the mother asked.
"It isn't anything, Mother," Albert protested. He didn't want his mother to meet Betty Lou. Something about such a meeting frightened him. "We're just friends."
"Well, don't let it get serious," his mother smiled indulgently. "You have plenty of time to think about girls. Later on."
"Of course not, Mother. I may take her to the prom, though. I'll have to take someone, and I'm on the decoration committee so I have to go."
"Of course. It'll be nice with a friend like-what's her name, dear ... Betty Louise?"
"Betty Lou, Mother. She's just another girl. A friend. So don't worry."
"Don't worry?" His mother smiled prettily.
"You're my girl, Mother I"
"Darling...."
The prom was his first true date with a girl. He had made arrangements to go to the dance with his brothers and their dates, but at the last moment Betty Lou had managed to get the family car from her folks so they went alone in it.
After the dance she drove out into the country and parked. She lit a cigarette and smiled at Albert.
"You dance divinely," she said.
"You do, Betty Lou. And that gown you're wearing, it's beautiful."
"My first strapless. You really like?"
"Terribly!"
"Well, it's killing me!" she giggled. "Or should I admit that? Maybe the four drinks I had make me uninhibited, Albert. I had them out in a car with Willie. He and Sam and Mary. And drinks or no drinks, this gown is tight. Aren't you going to kiss me?"
"If you like," Albert said doubtfully. He hadn't thought of kissing her. He had been so intrigued with her beauty in the moonlight. Now he leaned forward and kissed her gently, letting his fingers trail over her face. He felt a sudden tenderness and appreciation of her loveliness.
"You're very lovely," he whispered.
"Very uncomfortable," she laughed against his lips. "Here ... unfasten." Her fingers found one of his hands and led it to a hook and zipper.
Almost automatically he obeyed her and then after a moment she pushed him away and he saw that the bodice of the strapless gown was without support. For a second he felt a distinct shock at her lack of discretion, and then he felt the deep feeling of gentleness again.
"You're beautiful ... truly beautiful...." he murmured, his eyes drinking in the youthful tilt of small, firm breasts.
"Kiss," she whispered.
Moments later she whispered again.
"Albert ... you can, if you want to. It won't be the first...."
Blindly he felt her move and saw the whiteness of her thighs. This wasn't what he had expected or wanted. This wasn't the way it should be. His mother would hate this girl.
He couldn't do what Betty Lou wanted. Not in a million years. It was disgusting. She wasn't beautiful now. She was almost like an animal the way she writhed against him. Her face wasn't pretty any more. Her lips were twisted and they looked swollen. Her face was contorted in a strange expression as if she was in pain. And she was moving like ... like ... it was like an animal.
He drew back from her.
After a few moments she opened her eyes.
"What's wrong? Don't be afraid, Albert. It's all right."
"Let's go home, Betty Lou."
Slowly she realized what he had said. She rearranged her clothing and sat up straight.
"What's wrong with you, Albert? Are ... are you that way?"
"What do you mean?"
"Never mind." Suddenly she was angry. "We're going home. I'll say we're going home! And if you ever tell about this I'll-I'll kill you, Albert!"
"Why should I ever tell? A thing like that? Oh, my God."
Suddenly she uttered a nervous laugh. "What a square I picked this time! I might have known! Those shoulders...." Later in his bed he fought back tears. He felt betrayed. It had been fun with Betty Lou before the thing in the car had happened; fun talking about clothes, music, books and fashions. A man didn't have to be a fighter. He didn't have to bruise and injure and kill. He didn't have to be hurt. A man could be civilized. His mother understood that. His mother would understand how he felt about Betty Lou. He wished he could go in now and kiss his mother good night and tell her that it was all right. He hadn't done that terrible thing with the animal ... with Betty Lou. Nothing was changed for them.
I'll never leave you, Mother, he thought. I'll always look after you and take care of you. Not like Father. He doesn't understand us. Not you and me. But I do. And I'll look after you. Wait and see....
In actuality Albert did look after his mother for a good many years. The father died shortly after Albert was graduated from the local university. The other children married. Albert obtained sales work and he and his mother kept the family home.
"I don't know exactly why I never took girls out," Albert said. "Mother wouldn't object. But from the time that I took Betty Lou to the dance and all the while Mother lived, I just wasn't interested in girls."
Albert hesitated and smiled, as if remembering a sad, but pleasant, memory. "Mother used to urge me to take out girls," he said. "She said it wasn't right for a man like me to be saddled with an invalid old woman like her. She wasn't really, you know. She wasn't well, but she was always lovely, my mother was. It was a deep shock to me when she passed away."
A year after his mother's death he became involved for a short time with a young woman who worked in the store where he was then employed. Here is his account of his brief affair with Eloise:
The first time I really became aware of Eloise was one rainy afternoon in the store. She worked in the bookkeeping office and she had come down into the store to look for a wrist watch to buy for her mother. I brought out several for her to inspect and she glanced up suddenly to ask a question.
At that second I realized how much she resembled my mother. There was the same small questioning look in her eyes, a raising of eyebrows, and a sort of trusting look as if she wanted me to advise her.
"No," I told her softly. "Not that one for your mother. Here ... let me show you another."
I brought a small watch out of stock and laid it on velvet for her to see.
"Oh! That's a beautiful watch," she breathed.
"I gave one like that to my mother ... the year before she died," I said.
"I-I'm sorry," Eloise said. "About your mother. You must miss her a great deal."
"Terribly. But you made me remember the watch. You look a little like her. In fact, you have several of her mannerisms."
She seemed to be embarrassed by my words and I thought I even saw a small blush. She looked down at the watch again.
"I'll take this one. I'm sure my mother will love it."
"Mine did," I smiled.
I watched her return to the hallway leading to her office a few moments later and realized that she was approximately the same height as my mother. She was even slim the way my mother was.
The following week I took her to lunch. Within a few weeks we were seeing each other regularly and it lasted for about three months. Then one night, when I brought her home from a show, we were standing in front of the door to her folks' apartment and she looked up at me. I knew that she wanted to be kissed. It was in her eyes and the way she stood and the brief seconds of waiting. I never had kissed her, although we sometimes casually held hands through a show or at a concert.
Then, at that moment, I wanted to kiss her. There was something sweet and gentle like Mother about her. I leaned over to kiss her very softly.
But the soft kisses lasted only a moment and then she was suddenly pressing close against me, and I felt her arms around my neck, and I was shocked to realize that she had opened her lips and I could feel the tip of her tongue against my lips.
This was something my mother would never do. Something a woman should never do. I felt sick-really nauseated. I guess I wasn't very polite in the way I stepped back and said good night.
The next day Eloise acted strange when she saw me and I guess there was a mutual understanding between us that there wouldn't be any more dates. Anyhow, I got my present job shortly afterward and I didn't see Eloise again. Someone told me that she got married.
A new element became obvious in Albert's life shortly after he took his new job. For the first time in his life he became mildly interested in athletics when he joined a club because his physician told him that he needed more exercise.
A section of his case history is revealing at this point:
I guess it was the first time that I ever realized that athletics didn't necessarily mean rough competitiveness. I learned to swim and became very interested in it. There I met Adam. He was also unmarried and was just becoming interested in swimming. We spent many hours together in the pool.
Later we did a little skin-diving and we had wonderful times together. Adam was one of the few persons in my life with whom I felt perfectly at ease; for whom I had an honest and real affection.
Unfortunately he was transferred a few months after we met, and just when we had decided to move into an apartment together. I had sold the family home and Mother's estate had been settled, so I had some extra money. Adam and I had shopped for furniture and planned our own interior decoration.
We really hated to part, but Adam couldn't give up his job. There was such an excellent future in it. I remember standing at the airport with him while we waited for them to call his flight. We were trying to be cheerful about the parting, but I think we both felt deeply sad.
I said, "Well, if we were in France, I suppose I could kiss you good-by, you lug!"
"If the newsreels are right, that's the custom !" he said.
At that moment they announced his flight over the loudspeakers. I had a crazy sort of compulsion come over me.
"Well when in America do as the Frenchmen do!" I said and I kissed him on the mouth. He kissed me back. I felt it. I've often thought afterward that it was one of those rare moments when two men really express a love. A David and Jonathan love, perhaps. A man-to-man love that women couldn't understand. Or perhaps, some women could. A woman like my mother might. I don't know....
Obviously Albert's case history was rapidly revealing the story of an Oedipus complex. His excessive devotion to his mother; her desire for a girl and her efforts to mold Albert into a girl-like person; Albert's unconscious incestuous feeling toward his mother; resentment of the father; the desire to take care of the mother-all these factors indicated the complex. His rejection of heterosexual sex with Betty Lou and later the same revulsion with Eloise substantiated his fixation.
This later was an element in the homosexual tendency that became almost overt with Adam. The fear of a homosexual relation with his employer was, in fact, the reason why he had sought a psychiatrist.
The relation between the Oedipus complex and the latent homosexuality in Albert may be explained by his idealization of his mother and the feeling that having intercourse with a woman would be equivalent to having intercourse with the mother. This would exist in the unconscious, of course. Albert's attraction to Adam provided a 'safe" channel for his sexual drive, since any woman would represent his mother, making the relationship an incestuous one.
Albert's concern and desire to reach a satisfactory sexual adjustment was a valuable aid in enabling him to find a better adjustment through psychiatric treatment.
It should be noted and emphasized that neither the Electra nor the Oedipus complex is specifically a sexual offense in itself. But both may lead to offenses, such as incest, homosexuality and-according to many authorities-a number of other overt practices that actively transgress the laws, practices and conventions of our present society.
Because the problems of mother and father complexes are of considerable interest to most intelligent parents, it may be well at this point to delineate some pertinent observations on the subject, as well as upon the most serious need of reducing the incidence of sex offenders through improved psychological attitudes in the home.
Spurgeon English says in Sex and Human Love:
"1. The child should have warmth from the mother. With the warmth, the mother should combine affection so that the male in particular has memories of pleasant experiences with women and will want to re-establish ties of intimacy with women later in life.
"2. He should have a sexual enlightenment free of taboos or disgust in relation to heterosexual union.
"3. He should have the interest of a man during his growth, so that he identifies himself with masculine attitudes particularly those pertaining to responsibility and home formation, including a satisfaction in parenthood. The first and second rules apply also for women. Third, she should have from early life the warm interest of a man so that she feels a kinship with the life of a man. When we consider how many fathers ignore their daughters rather completely during their whole development, it is not surprising that there is so little ability for women to like men and get along with them. In certain instances where warmth and understanding of men and pleasure in physical intimacy with them is lacking, a leaning toward emotional and physical satisfaction with women is the result.
"Hence parents who are concerned about a homosexual adjustment in their children should inquire into the family pattern which encourages a homosexual adjustment."
In this manner English superbly outlines a sensible and highly intelligent norm of behavior for parents to follow. Its importance is further enhanced by Manfred S. Guttmacher's comment in Sex Offenses:
"It should be added to English's admonitions that there is the danger from the parent, often getting too little emotional satisfaction from life, who puts too much, and often the wrong kind, of emotional investment in the child. As Freud put it, 'excessive parental tenderness surely becomes harmful, because it accelerates sexual maturity and also because it spoils the child and makes him unfit to renounce love temporarily or to be satisfied with a smaller amount of love."
"This factor of overprotection accounts in part for the great numbers of emotionally immature and dependent persons that we have in our society."
He observes that most of these persons are incapable of achieving sexual maturity and suggests that more parents than we know seduce their children psychologically, and concludes: "They create an Oedipal type of conflict that in most cases is never satisfactorily resolved and which results in permanent emotional and sexual crippling."
In other words, making a son a "mama's boy" can be the most tragic mistake that a mother can make for the one she loves most.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Heterosexual Problems
As an adjective, "heterosexual" is defined as: characterized or pertaining to sexual passion for one of the opposite sex, as opposed to homosexual. In biology the words mean "of or pertaining to different sexes." As a noun, the words means a heterosexual person.
The sexual norm, Freud indicated, is heterosexual genital love. This is most extensively accepted in our society today.
Since most of us accept heterosexuality as the norm, it would seem reasonable to believe that it would present a minimum of problems to those leading "normal" heterosexual lives. However, many heterosexual problems do exist, and they may be most serious to the persons involved.
It is interesting that many of these problems have long been a subject for thought and discussion. Down through the ages has come a vast amount of literature dealing with heterosexual practices and problems. And today there is a steady stream of books and articles published for those seeking a clarification of sex, fundamental sex education and sexual advice.
Well-qualified authorities minutely instruct in the techniques of love-making between husband and wife in recommended books for the married. The neophyte husband and bride are instructed how to awaken sexual desire, how to enjoy it, how to understand it.
Details of the kiss, the caress, the erogenous zones, the defloration, the sex act itself, positions, experimentation-all are a matter of educational information available to almost anyone.
This sex education is not peculiar to this day and age. A very complete manual for heterosexual love-making called The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana dates back to the fifteenth or sixteenth century in India and is strikingly similar in many respects to the most modern of "marriage manuals." The ancients of Greece and Rome gave similar advice and information.
Yet despite the staggering amount of sex education for heterosexuals that is available today, including education available in our public schools, there apparently is a surprising amount of misinformation, ignorance and fallacy concerning heterosexual relations.
Also, within the area of heterosexuality, there are a number of practices which offend the mores, laws or religious beliefs of our society. Among these are philandering, bigamy and polyandry. Nor should we overlook the heterosexual nature of rape and prostitution.
To better understand heterosexuality and some of the problems inherent to it, we might take a quick look behind the closed doors of doctors, marriage counselors, social workers and others concerned with helping people solve those problems.
Here we see the worried-looking husbands and wives, the parents, the never married, the about-to-be-married, and sometimes the widow, widower and the divorced person.
We may reconstruct the scenes and conversations between husbands and wives, between lovers, between causal sexual partners-the scenes and conversations that have lead to the marriage counselor, doctor or clergyman for advice. Sometimes they have led to the divorce courts, to hospital rooms, and even to the morgue.
For in heterosexuality we find many problems. Take, for example, the case that follows:
John and Clara
When they were married, shortly after graduation from high school, everyone in town said that they were the "ideal couple."
John had starred in high school athletics. He was tall, rugged and intelligent. His father owned a local garage and had wanted John to go on to a university.
"I'd rather work a couple of years and then go on to school," John decided.
"It's a mistake, son. You won't finish if you do that."
"I think I will. Besides, there's more to it than that."
His father looked at him shrewdly. "Clara?"
"That's right. We want to be married."
The father nodded thoughtfully. "Ordinarily I suppose a father might try to talk you out of it," he said. "But you and Clara do seem fitted for each other. I guess it's been that way since you kids were in grade school. I don't suppose there's any use in asking you to put it off."
"Nope. We've decided, Dad. Clara told her folks last night."
"How'd they take it?"
John grinned. "Same as you. Same as Mom did when I told her this morning. I guess I'm lucky to have a girl like Clara. Everyone is as crazy about her as I am."
"She's a wonderful girl," his father agreed. "And I guess she couldn't come from finer folks. Certainly no one more respectable in town!"
"So I'd like to hit you up for a job in the garage-if there's room for me, Dad. I want to work with cars."
"The job's here, son. There's nothing I'd like better." That night John and Clara compared the reactions they had received to the announcement of their decision.
"Everyone thinks it's wonderful!" Clara laughed happily. John looked at her, delighted by the pert happiness expressed in the small and pretty features of her face. He saw the petite lines of a small and compact body beneath the summer dress and a deep excitement swept through him.
They were parked in his car and he glanced around. No one was near and impulsively he pulled her to him and kissed her. She returned the kiss hungrily, her lips tight against his, her eyes closed.
The impact of the kiss became great in him and he tried to force her lips gently apart. She shook her head and pulled away. "Don't ... I don't like that, darling. Kiss me the other way ... like it was." Her lips remained soft and closed beneath his. She held one of his hands that crept to the roundness of her breast, and shook her head again.
After a while they separated and he laughed softly in the growing darkness of the evening. "Will I have to behave that much after we're married?" he asked.
"Well ... maybe not quite as much," Clara smiled. "We'll see...." Her voice held a teasing promise.
John settled back and pulled her against him with a protective arm. He was glad that they had restricted their lovemaking to the kind of kisses that Clara liked; no pawing; a minimum of sexual play.
He supposed he was crazy, in a way. Any kid with an athletic record like his could have anything he wanted from some of the girls in school. But that would be unthinkable with Clara. She just wasn't that way. And he didn't want any other girl.
"Have you thought about it?" he asked, not realizing that his thoughts were so completely his own.
"About what, John?"
"Sex," he said. "How much information did they give you girls in school?"
"The same as you boys had, I guess," she said. "I didn't pay much attention to it."
"Doesn't it interest you?"
"Well, it does ... and it doesn't. I mean, John, that I'll be glad when we have children. Some of the sex part-well, I guess I won't know until then."
"Doesn't your mother ever talk with you about it?"
"Mother?" She sounded almost shocked. "Well ... once she did. Just a little. I-well, I don't think she likes it much. But she told me to remember that it isn't the most important thing about marriage."
"But don't you ever want me? I mean ... that way?"
She shut her eyes and was quiet. "Yes. Yes, John. But we've waited so long and it will come when it's the right time."
Months later John was to remember that conversation. He remembered it almost bitterly one night four months after they had been married. He was sitting on the side of the bed, his face in his hands as he tried to contain his frustration and anger. In the bed Clara was sobbing wildly, her face turned to the wall, her body drawn up as if to protect herself from blows.
"But Clara ... Clara ... it isn't dirty I It isn't wrong ... "
"I can't help it, John."
"But didn't you read the books I brought home?"
"I tried to ... honestly, John...." She fought to control the sobs. "But I couldn't really read them. The things they said men and women do. Some of them are awful...."
"Awful! Damn it, Clara-listen to me! Will you listen to me!"
"Don't shout at me. Don't. Don't shout." She drew farther away from him, making the crouched curve of her body tighter.
John stood and glared down at her. "I will shout at you!
You're my wife. I've tried everything. I've been gentle. I've been kind. I've done all the things they said to do in the book. On the honeymoon-the honeymoon!"
He shook his head in angry frustration.
"The honeymoon," he said again. "You came home a virgin from your honeymoon ... a virgin!"
"Please, John ... oh, please, please...." Clara was sobbing again, her face buried in a pillow, her shoulders moving convulsively.
"You prude ... you ... you ninny. Don't look at me when I undress, John.' ... 'Don't touch me like that, John.' ... 'Don't do that, John.'...."
He took a deep, trembling breath and his voice became bitterly harsh.
"What do you think I am, Clara? Stone? Wood? Dirt? Well, I'm not! I'm a man! Do you understand that? A man!"
Clara sobbed wretchedly.
"Stop it!" John snapped. "Stop that damned crying. That little girl sniveling. You're a woman. Be one. For God's sake, be one!"
She shook her head hopelessly, eyes closed, her sobs still muffled by the pillow.
"Oh, yes, you will!" John said abruptly. He knelt on the bed and one hand wrenched at her shoulder and rolled her to her back and he looked down into the tear-stained face. "Yes, you will," he gritted between clenched teeth. "If I have to make you be one."
She screamed once and then his hand clamped over her mouth.
"You're my wife," he said angrily. "Now be my wife, damn it!"
An hour later she still sobbed in the darkness of the room. In the living room John smoked another cigarette, his eyes dark with worry, his face showing the strain of emotion.
He stood and went into the bedroom to the bed. He put a gentle hand on his wife's shoulder. "Please, Clara," he said softly. "Please. I didn't mean to be so rough. To do it that way. Only it'd been almost three weeks. I'm sorry. Honest, I am ... please don't cry."
She shook her shoulder free from his hand and crept away from him across the rumpled bed.
"It's dirty ... she said. "It's dirty ... dirty ... like Mother made me believe ... dirty....
Fortunately John had the good sense to consult Clara's family physician who was able to talk with her. The very quarrels that had brought the situation to a climax were, in themselves, additional trauma for Clara to overcome. With careful explanation, patience, sensible sex education and intelligent treatment Clara eventually adjusted to a happy sexual relationship with her husband.
There are few doctors who cannot recount similar cases. There are wives who admit that they never have allowed their husbands to view them in the nude; other wives who refuse to look at their unclothed husbands. Many wives refuse to have intercourse except in the dark, as if it were a shameful act to be hidden by darkness.
A woman in her thirties consulted her doctor about what she called "nerves." She had been his patient for many years and he had known her family. Under close questioning she finally was able to confess the problem that had weighted upon her until she actually had developed an emotional fatigue through worry.
Probing the facts from her was difficult for the doctor. Eventually he became blunt with her.
"Alice, I've known you most of your life. I watched you grow from a gangling girl into a lovely young woman. I attending your wedding. I delivered your two children. Yet after all that you're still not telling me all that's wrong. So I'm going to ask another question. Is it Sam? Are you having husband trouble?"
She looked at him with startled eyes and then looked away quickly. The doctor pressed his advantage.
"What's he done?"
"Nothing! I mean ... well, nothing . .
"Nothing ... yet something that has worried you into my office."
"I-I can't talk about it."
"When a woman tells me that, it's usually sex. What is it? Is Sam chasing another woman?"
"No. No, nothing like that, Doctor! It's just that he wants me to-well, do things."
"What things, Alice? Don't be reticent. I'm a doctor. You can talk to me."
She took a deep breath and lifted a pretty face to look at him directly. Her eyes were suspiciously moist and there was a slight tremble in her voice.
"He wants to do new things in bed. He wants me to-well, he wants me to be the one above. And he suggested something about his sitting on a chair and-well, it's all crazy, Doctor. He's never been like that. Oh, I don't know ... I'm frightened. There's something wrong with him. He's ... he's...."
"Tell me, Alice. Haven't you ever done things like that? Didn't you experiment? Even on the honeymoon?"
"Of course not! Those things are ... well, they must be perversions!"
The doctor patiently shook his head. "No, they're not perversions. Let's have a long talk about them I'll explain it to you. But first-don't worry about Sam, or blame him for anything. He's just being a typical male and, as your husband, probably wants to show you how deeply he loves you." The doctor's short course of instruction for Alice was little more than can be found in any manual for marriage available to most couples.
Through the good sense and unceasing efforts of the medical profession, educators, social workers, religious leaders and other authorities sex education is rapidly making sexually uneducated persons like Alice a thing of the past.
Sex techniques that our grandfathers might have considered sinful, corrupt and lascivious now are considered quite within the realms of common practice and approval.
It should be noted, however, that these techniques usually only receive approval when they are part of heterosexual relations that culminate in coitus, or are supplemental to it, as, for instance, a means of allowing a wife to achieve a climax when her husband has preceded her.
The concern for woman's enjoyment of sex is relatively new. For years there was a belief among many that women should not enjoy sex. As a result, many a woman's facility to find enjoyment and happiness in sexual relations was materially dulled by inhibitions.
Too, there long existed a theory that men and women were different in all their sexual responses. Dr. Kinsey helped reveal the fallacy of this belief by disclosing the very parallel reactions that men and women have at the climax of coitus.
But even as men have endeavored to emancipate their women from too many inhibitions toward a freedom and excitement in sex, women sometimes have found difficulty in making their husbands understand the subtleties and techniques that would help achieve the new freedom.
A perplexed husband faced his wife in the hallway of their home. She was dressed in coat, hat and gloves for traveling. Her packed luggage was by the door.
A half-hour before they had quarreled violently. Now she was leaving him.
"It's not just the quarrel," she said quietly.
"But Linda! I told you I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I came home tired. I had a rough day. I was just-" She shook her head to silence him, and tears were in her dark blue eyes. She had been married to this stocky, energetic man of thirty-seven for four years. She had been his wife, cooked his meals, kept his house. There were no children, and now for the first time she was thankful for that. Children would have made it so much more difficult.
"It's not that, Tom. Believe me. It started a long time ago. It happened again last night."
"Last night...?"
"Oh, I know. It's no part of our quarrel just now. Or maybe it is. Maybe it's all of it. Like it's been for months and months-years I guess."
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
"No, Tom ... I don't believe you do. I don't believe you ever knew. That. Or me. Or very much about me."
"Don't talk riddles, Linda. We've got to straighten this out. You can't just leave like this."
"Oh, but I can!" Anger flashed again in her eyes. She bit at her lower lip for a moment and fought to regain the calm she had felt. It was so very important to be calm now. She must tell him quietly and calmly.
"Tom ... it's the sex part. Don't you understand?"
He looked at her blankly. "The sex part ...?"
"Yes."
"But I thought...."
"I know. You thought it was all right. You had me and then you could go to sleep and that was it."
"You never said...."
"No, I never said anything. I wanted you to think enough of me to know. Did I have to tell you? Didn't you know it wasn't any good for me?"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why weren't you interested enough to find out, Tom? All you ever did was use me-sometimes you made me feel like a prostitute. As if you had used me and were through when it was over and I should get out of your bed and go home. Can you understand that?"
"You should have told me."
She looked away from him. A taxi stopped in the street outside and she turned and opened the door. Tears blinded her for seconds until she wiped them away. She felt Tom's hand on her arm and shook it off.
"Wait, Linda...."
She shook her head as he walked toward the taxi, carrying her two pieces of luggage. She wondered where she would find a lawyer. She wondered if this was what they meant when they said "incompatible." Was that grounds enough for divorce?
Something had to be. Something. She couldn't be used any more. Not like Tom had used her.
In this case the husband, Tom, sought a marriage counselor. After a series of sessions, which Linda agreed to attend, a reconciliation was made. It proved to be successful after Tom had obtained medical and sexual advice from a doctor, and for the first time in their married life Linda shared with him the full happiness of a good sexual relationship.
They avoided divorce, but every year thousands of couples seek divorces as a result of sexual difficulties, ignorance and misunderstandings.
The variety and magnitude of maladjustments in heterosexual relations continually demand sound sex education. Only in education may we expect to find the understanding and knowledge necessary to combat maladjustments.
Fortunately the nation has shaken loose from the vise of prudery that held the country around the turn of the century. It would seem completely illogical for there to be any other attitude toward sexual education, when the importance of sex to almost every individual is considered.
Possibly Krafft-Ebing summed up that importance in these words: "Sexuality is the most powerful factor in individual and social existence, the strongest incentive to the exertion of strength and acquisition of property, to the foundation of a home, and to the awakening of altruistic feelings, first for a person of the opposite sex, then for the offspring, and, in a wider sense, for all humanity.
"Thus all ethics, and, perhaps, a good part of esthetics and religion depend upon the existence of sexual feeling."
Improving heterosexual relations
There appears to be a steady growth of sex education in our schools. Every year authoritative books about sex become more available to the general public. Physicians and others qualified to instruct are doing an excellent job of sex enlightenment. As a result, each new generation should approach more satisfactory heterosexual and family relations than the nation has ever before witnessed.
Intelligent sex education already may be showing results in a contemporary trend toward larger families and a more closely integrated family life.
Our basic sex education today generally includes: an explanation of the sex organs and their functions; the miracle of procreation; the sexual differences between men and women in the psychological aspects; the approved and most satisfactory techniques of sexual intercourse; and general information about mating and marriage.
These basic subjects usually lead into other areas of study, including: sex hygiene, contraception, illnesses associated with sex, religion and sex, abortion, impotence, frigidity, the menopause, and other pertinent aspects of sex.
Since some married couples may find greater happiness in marriage through even the briefest excursion into sex education, the following resume is offered.
In presenting this highly condensed version of sex education pertaining to heterosexual sex, it is assumed that the average reader understands the functions of the sex organs and the mechanics of conception and birth.
Beyond the urge of procreation, the generally accepted apex of satisfaction-the goal of heterosexual relations-is in sexual fulfillment or orgasm, in the attendant relief from sexual tensions, and in the happiness, love and gratification that may follow the satisfactory act of mating.
When the climax is achieved by only one partner, or when there are discordant conditions in intercourse which prevent its most desired conclusion, then there may be need for sexual adjustment.
Frequently the key to a satisfactory adjustment may be found among some of the following factors:
Psychological differences
Most authorities agree that there is a marked difference between the sexes in their psychological approach to sex. This is usually explained by the fact that essentially the male is a fairly simple sexual machine as compared with the female.
Louis Berg, M.D. and Robert Street have distilled some of this most poignantly in Sex: Methods and Manners: "All men could easily have been stamped out and assembled on the same production line so far as their sexual emotions propel them, so far as their capabilities exist for satisfying themselves, and so far as their capabilities for giving satisfaction extend.
"Man sees a woman and immediately desires her. Within one minute he can automatically sustain an erection, within two minutes can experience orgasm, and within three minutes can be sound asleep. That is the skeleton of his sexual individuality."
Obviously Berg and Street do not mean that this is the method in which all men indulge in heterosexual relations, but it does sum up the basic sexual reactions of the male.
And this is what every woman who seeks heterosexual happiness should understand about men. When she grasps the nature of man's sexual make-up, she can better help him to employ it toward her own sexual satisfaction, as well as his.
On the other hand, the sexual nature of woman is vastly more complex. It usually changes from day to day, even as she lives through the physical and psychological changes brought about by her menstrual cycles.
Maxine Davis in The Sexual Responsibility of Woman neatly sums up woman's sexual characteristics thusly: "As a rule woman does not experience intense sexual desire spontaneously. This is easy to understand. It is an acquired taste, like caviar or abstract art. She was not born with it as her husband was. She is not strongly subject to the psychic, forces to which he often has reflex responses. She is not especially excited by thinking erotic thoughts or looking at provocative pictures or imagining sexual situations; and is not always greatly stimulated even by the sight of her husband when he is obviously about to make love."
The author further observes that the wife must be in a willing mood; that she cannot be expected to be receptive if she "has a cake in the oven or is sun-blistered and irritable after herding a horde of neighborhood children along with her own on the beach all afternoon.
"No matter how gladly she joins her husband in any ,given sexual venture, she usually has to be kissed and caressed until she wants intercourse as much as he does." Men must understand this if they desire the full sexual relationship most men desire from a wife. They must understand that a woman needs and wants attention. She must feel that she belongs and is needed. She must be shown . that she is important to the man, and she must be told over and over again that she is loved.
A wise man realizes these facts. Above all, he learns and always remembers that, as Caprio says in The Sexually Adequate Female: "Although women possess the same sex urges as the men, with most women love-happiness must precede sex-happiness. They want to feel that they are appreciated as a person and not only as a bedmate." When a man and a woman, husband and wife, have learned these essential sexual facts about one another, and can discuss them honestly and with understanding, they have taken important steps toward a satisfactory sexual life together.
The man must learn patience, gentleness, thoughtfulness, and how to express love as well as desire. He must learn to be considerate. He must recognize that his wife may be much slower than he in response to sexual stimulation, and that what may stimulate him may leave her cold. Nor does the thoughtful, intelligent man expect his wife to indulge in sex at his wish because it is her "duty."
Women have achieved a certain emancipation in sex. A wife does not particularly want sex forced upon her, although she may eagerly welcome it as she casts aside more and more outdated attitudes toward sex.
Conversely, the woman must better understand man; the male's quick response to erotic stimulation, to pictures, a glimpse of a girl in a bikini, a story, an exotic perfume. She should realize that it may be a tremendous boost to a man's ego to have his wife sometimes make the sexual advances, even occasionally to shock him a little with an unexpected touch of abandon. Most of all, she should understand that he must be guided by her in some of the love-making if he is to help them both achieve satisfaction, especially if she is slower to respond than he.
Foreplay to intercourse There has been so much discussion of the techniques of fore love in virtually all manuals for marriage that it hardly seems necessary to describe them at any great length here.
Foreplay is largely directed toward preparing the woman for intercourse. However, some foreplay also may be desired and greatly enjoyed by the male.
Two important factors are involved in foreplay techniques. One centers about the erogenous zones of the body, and the other concerns the techniques of caress. The erogenous zones of the woman's body are the areas where desire may be stimulated with caresses. Usually specified as being erogenous are the ears, cheeks, mouth, shoulders, neck, breasts, waist, stomach, thighs, genitals and legs.
The male caress may be the stroke of hands and fingers, and the more stimulating caresses of mouth, lips and tongue. Kisses, of course, are of extreme importance.
The eminent authority Th. H. Van de Velde in Ideal Marriage emphasizes the importance of the "erotic" kiss in prelude and love play. He describes its variations from the "brush of the bloom" with its light stroking lips to the "Maraichinage" or, as more frequently called, 'soul kiss." However, it should not be assumed that all women respond to the same stimulation, nor that erogenous zones in all women are equally sensitive. Every woman is an entity to herself in her own sexual responses. The discerning lover carefully and intelligently learns the ways of love that makes his beloved most happy.
Contemporary studies and beliefs indicate that women gradually are becoming less restricted in their ability to enjoy sex.
As Jerome and Julia Rainer say in Sexual Pleasure in Marriage: "There is no convincing evidence that women are biologically conditioned toward being more modest, more restrained, more monogamous, more sensitive, nor in any way markedly unlike men."
Too, there is much contemporary agreement that the techniques of foreplay may go far beyond the inhibited restrictions of yesterday, as long as the ultimate goal is normal coitus.
Intercourse and afterward
The second and third stages of the complete sex act between the sexes are coitus and the period that follows.
Again, as in the sensible approach to foreplay, inhibitions may be cast aside for experimentation that may yield priceless moments of happiness to the married couple.
Intercourse usually should not be started until the woman shows that she is quite ready. In most instances it should be started gently and carefully with a short rest of adjustment immediately following insertion.
This, of course, may vary with the desires of the couple, and especially of the woman. Usually the achievement of the woman's orgasm is of more immediate concern than that of the man's. The man seldom has difficulty. The woman may be much slower and the man must learn how to bring her to a climax.
The movements of coitus are fully interpreted and explained in most good marriage manuals and need not be explained here.
Beyond this it might be suggested that couples who seek greater sexual compatibility may wish to experiment with different positions used in coitus. The positions for intercourse long have been a subject of interest. Various lists of them can be amazing in scope and ingenuity.
Generally, less than a dozen are actually suggested. Eustace Chesser, M.D. in Love Without Fear lists eleven positions that find wide use. Berg and Street select six "basic" positions.
The following seem to have general acceptance by authorities: a. Man-above position. This probably is the position most generally used. Some couples prefer to have the man rest most of his weight upon his elbows. The woman may use a pillow under the buttocks, and keep the legs straight or flexed back, usually with knees bent. b. Man-below position. In this position the woman has the opportunity to take the initiative, controlling physical contact, and bringing herself to a climax while imposing the smallest amount of activity and strain upon her partner. c. Side positions. Many couples find difficulty in using a side position, and even believe it is virtually impossible. It may be easily managed if the woman who is lying on her left side will draw up her right leg and open her thighs slightly for the insertion. d. Astride position, face to face. In this position the man may either sit down or lie back. The woman adopts a straddling position and takes the active role. Occasionally a stool or chair is used. e. Astride position from behind. This is similar to the face-to-face astride position except that the woman's back is to her partner. f. Kneeling position. In this position the woman is on her hands and knees and the man is behind her. It is favored during pregnancies or whenever the woman wishes to control the depth of penetration.
Finally, it should be pointed out that the moments after orgasm are exceedingly important, especially to the woman. Although the man may have a quick cooling off and an immediate desire for sleep, his wife may be much slower in her descent from the peak of climax.
Usually she wants to be held and kissed during this time, to be told that she is loved and appreciated, and to be assured of security in the love of her lover.
Through mutual excursions into learning, complete frankness of discussion, and willingness to accept instruction, many couples can thus find a new world of sexual compatibility and marital happiness.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Frigidity
It is difficult to find general agreement among authorities on the exact definition of frigidity. Caprio states: "Frigidity is a symptom-disturbance in the psychosexual development of women, causing them to find it difficult to achieve a vaginal orgasm during sexual intercourse."
Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary defines "frigid" as: "Abnormally adverse to sexual intercourse."
Jochim Flescher, M.D. in his glossary to Mental Health and the Prevention of Neurosk defines it thusly: "Unresponsiveness to sexual stimulation; hence, the incapacity to achieve orgasm. Term usually applied to women."
G. Lombard Kelly, M.D. in Sexual Feeling in Married Men and Women writes: "Frigidity may be defined as a state in which there is a latent capability for sexual satisfaction, requiring just the proper conditions to make it effective. The technical term for frigidity, hyphedonia, means low or subnormal sexual feeling."
Frigidity, per se, according to many gynecologists and psychiatrists, is the most common sexual disorder among women. There also is general agreement among authorities that frigidity does not necessarily mean that a woman is without passion or sexual desire. The problem for the frigid woman is to obtain an orgasm during coitus.
One school of thought points out that frigidity in a woman is also related to satisfaction for the husband, and in truth the male may be more concerned about the frigidity of his wife than she is. Many husbands feel that they are not completely satisfied unless the wife demonstrates intense passion and achieves an orgasm during intercourse. As Fritz Wittels, M.D. states in The Sex Habits of American Women: "Women can be called frigid only if they do not satisfy their husbands and are not satisfied themselves." This discord in heterosexual relations is also mentioned in the Kinsey report, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female: "Today most males, especially among better educated groups, feel under some obligation to see that the female secures gratification comparable to their own in coitus."
Kinsey also observed that while they had found cases of quite unresponsive females in the study his group was making, "we do not find evidence in any of them that the individual, rid of her inhibitions, would not be capable of response."
Other authorities who seem to agree with the Kinsey researchers that it is probable that all females are physiologically capable of responding to sufficient physical stimulation to the point of orgasm include Stekel, Weiss and English, Brown and Kempton.
The statistics covering the response of women in marital relations are varied. Kinsey found that the average female in the sample involved had reached orgasm in between 70 and 77 per cent of her marital coitus. Heyn found that among 512 females 52 per cent always responded in marital coitus, 31 per cent responded part of the time, 17 per cent never. Hamilton found that 38 per cent of 100 wives usually or always responded, 21 per cent sometimes. Terman found that among 760 wives 22 per-cent always responded, 45 per cent usually, 25 per cent sometimes, and 8 per cent never.
What brings about the failure of a woman to respond?
Dr. Marie Stopes in her book Enduring Marriage said: "The frigid wife is an artificial creation of unnatural circumstances."
Experts can expand the list of "unnatural circumstances" to a rather sizable list and with good authority.
First, there. may be definite physical reasons why a woman cannot enjoy sexual relations with her husband. A gynecologist can detect these difficulties quickly and usually can remedy them.
The second, and much greater field of trouble, lies in the psychological field.
Fear of pregnancy may cause frigidity. Inhibitions, false modesty, prudishness, guilt or frustrations may cause it. The husband's lack of skill or sexual inadequacy may be a contributing factor. The memory of an unpleasant sexual experience in early life may be responsible.
Then there are the women who are caught in the webs of narcissism, promiscuity, the Electra complex and the various sexual aberrations.
In our chapters dealing with the problems of sex we have already touched upon frigidity in relation to other major difficulties. Frigidity may be said to have been present when the woman could not achieve a climax without resorting to the help of a sexual deviation. This is found when a woman desires to be spanked or otherwise punished. Occasionally the wife cannot achieve satisfaction unless the act is completed with the aid of masturbation.
However, there may be much simpler reasons for the frigidity of a woman, that do not necessarily involve sexual failure or inadequacy upon her part.
A woman who had been married three years visited her family doctor.
"Doctor, I've read enough to understand why Kenneth and I are having trouble sexually, but I don't know exactly what to do about it."
The doctor smiled encouragingly at the young woman seated by his desk. "What do you think is wrong?"
She hesitated a moment and then said thoughtfully, "I'm not certain if I am frigid or not. I don't believe I am. But something is wrong. During our entire married life I've never experienced a climax during our sexual relations."
"You're certain what a climax is?"
The wife blushed a little and nodded.
"Then you know that you're capable of experiencing it. There must be something amiss in your relations with Kenneth."
"He's ... well, he's so fast, Doctor. It takes me longer, I guess. And he's finished before I'm even near being ready."
"Have you talked this over with him?"
"I've tried to, but he doesn't seem to really understand."
"Do you think that he might be the reason? His quickness?"
"I don't know. I've talked with other girls-you know how talk gets around to such things sometimes. Most of my friends apparently don't have much trouble. Two of them say they never last longer than a few moments. I want to know if I'm all right. Or if I'm frigid and never will experience satisfaction with my husband."
Close questioning and subsequent sessions with the doctor disclosed that the husband never resorted to foreplay, that he placed his full weight upon his wife causing her actual discomfort and even pain at times, and that he never kissed her during intercourse or showed gentleness or consideration for her.
The husband was persuaded to visit the doctor and when the situation was clearly explained to him, he gladly gave his co-operation. With careful and intelligent sex education his techniques improved to the point where his wife began to experience full sexual pleasure. The happiness of the marriage was firmly established.
The above brief case history has been repeated in essence so many times that the cases number many thousands. The comparative slowness of the woman in response, compared with the quickness in the man, has been a vastly discussed subject in almost every "marriage manual" or book dealing with the techniques of sexual relations.
With increased sex education and the greater emancipation of women from sexual ignorance, misinformation and some awkward inhibitions, this common problem to newlyweds is gradually being more extensively understood, squarely met, and happily solved.
However, the problem of overcoming frigidity may be more complex than the adjustment in timing between husband and wife. Even when all the factors seem to be proper for good relations-secure privacy, no outside disturbances, and the other small but important circumstances most people consider necessary to satisfactory love-making-even when all of this is assured, there still can be failure.
A physician referred Mathilda V. to a psychiatrist when she brought the problem of her frigidity to him after four years of marriage. Her reason for visiting her physician was the increasing emotional and mental strain her lack of sexual response was causing in her marriage.
Condensed sections of her case history reveal the problem and how it came about:
Mathilda, age 28, married
The patient was a pleasant-appearing woman of medium height, with a rather plump body, and very blond hair. She was plainly dressed, and wore virtually no make-up.
She had some difficulty in becoming completely co-operative and apparently was very embarrassed and somewhat ashamed to be visiting a psychiatrist. It was only after considerable time and effort that the therapist managed to establish a satisfactory therapeutic relationship.
Mathilda came from a family of four children, of which she was the third. She had two older brothers and one younger sister.
She was reared in a small town in a farming community. Her father was employed in the local hardware store. Both parents were deeply religious and Mathilda and her brothers and sister were brought up on an atmosphere of strictness.
When Mathilda was about ten years old she had her first traumatic experience with sex. Here it is, told in her own words:
I can remember the day very vividly. It was during summer vacation and my brothers and sister and I were playing with some neighbor children. One of the boys was named Timothy. He was a year or two older than I was.
He kept asking me to go upstairs to our attic. He said he wanted to look out the window up there.
My mother was visiting at a neighbor's and finally I said that I would take him up there. We went up and looked out a window at the kids for a while and then we began to examine the things stored in the attic.
"Let's play doctor," Timothy said.
"What do you mean?"
"You be sick and I'll be the doctor. I'll look at you to see what's wrong."
I thought it was silly, but I liked him and I didn't want to displease him. There was an old couch there. He persuaded me to remove my clothing and stretch out on the couch while he pretended to examine me. I recall 'that it was more exciting for me than I had thought it would be, although I had an intense feeling of guilt about it.
Suddenly we heard the door at the foot of the attic stairs open and footsteps. I jumped up from the couch but before I could even reach for my discarded dress and panties my mother was staring at us with an expression of shock.
I don't remember everything that happened nor all the things she said. I know that she sent for Timothy's mother and that Timothy and I were both crying.
My mother kept asking me what had happened. I didn't know exactly what she meant and shook my head blindly, tears streaking down my face.
"Did he do anything to you? Did he do anything to you?"
Both the mothers were weeping now and Timothy's mother was asking him questions and wanting to know if he had "done" anything to me.
My mother called my father and he drove home and there was quite a conference and finally I was put in the family car and taken to our family doctor.
I remember that he was very kind and admonished my mother for scolding me so much and being so harsh.
"Children are experimental," he told her. "Don't be so angry with Mathilda. I'm certain nothing terrible has happened."
"I want you to make an examination!" she demanded. "Right now."
The doctor looked at her as if he were a little angry and then shrugged.
"Nonsense," he muttered, but he asked me to get up on an examination table.
I never have been so terribly ashamed and frightened as I was then. He made a brief examination and then told me to get down from the table.
"Your daughter is intact," he said a little coldly to my mother. He put his arm around me comfortingly. "Stop crying, Mathilda. It's all right. There's nothing wrong."
My mother grabbed me by the hand and half-pulled me out of the office. My father was waiting in the car. He lectured me all the way home. He used words that I didn't understand. He said I must protect my "virginity" and that I must be careful or men would 'seduce" or "rape" me.
For weeks after that I avoided Timothy and it was a long time before we even spoke to one another again. Eventually he and his parents moved.
Mathilda's story established the origin of her association of guilt with sex. Later, when she was in high school, she began to go out with a boy of her own age. He was active in the same church with her and Mathilda's parents fully approved of him. His name was Claude.
Mathilda's story continues:
One night Claude and I went to a show and came home right afterward. It was a warm night and we sat out on the porch for a while. Vines shielded us from the street and there was a swinging seat. We sat in it and talked. Apparently my folks had gone to bed.
After a while Claude put his arm around me and when he turned me toward him I shut my eyes and let him kiss me. It wasn't the first kiss, but there had not been many. And each time I had to fight the guilt feeling I had about boys ever since that day in the attic.
This night Claude became a little excited and finally I grabbed his hands and asked him to stop.
He was very contrite. In some ways his family was as strict as mine and he was very idealistic.
"I shouldn't lose control like that," he said. I remember thinking that he hadn't lost very much control, just enough to let his hand lightly brush across my breast, but I was sure even that was a sin.
"It's all right," I whispered. "But you'd better go."
He apologized again and left. I went inside and found my mother waiting for me. She had the look of shock and dismay on her face again.
"I saw you, Mathilda," she said. "Kissing him."
"Is that so terribly bad, Mother?"
"Ever since that day in the attic, I don't know, Mathilda, I'll never know, if you're a good girl or not. I worry about you."
"Mother!"
She looked at me a long time and then she finally sighed and nodded. "Go to bed. It isn't your fault that you're a woman. Someday you'll learn that all a man wants is that. You'll learn. I can't blame you for being a woman."
During the next few years, Mathilda fought against her feelings of sex guilt, intelligently telling herself that sex couldn't be so wrong as her Mother intimated, but always remembering the attic scene and the incident after Claude had gone home.
Maybe, she told herself, her mother was right. The small boy in the attic had wanted to do things. He had persuaded her to undress. And Claude had tried to caress her breast. Maybe men were that way.
Following graduation from high school Mathilda attended a small religious college for two years. There she met William, who later became her husband.
He was two years her senior and became a schoolteacher immediately after graduation from the college. He and Mathilda were married during the intervening summer. The wedding night was a nightmare for her. Her account follows:
I don't know what I expected. Somehow up to that time I guess I had been living in a rosy cloud of unreality. Naturally I had thought about sex, and was a little apprehensive, but somehow I seemed to think that once we were married, my sex problems would magically disappear.
We were married in the church. There was a reception afterward and William and I slipped away by a back door and left by car. We had hotel reservations in a nearby city.
We were terribly happy as we drove away. I had changed to a smart traveling suit. Packed in my luggage were the new clothes of my trousseau. By my side was my husband. He looked very happy as he glanced at me, and I felt a deep pride in his masculine good looks, his breadth of shoulders, his good smile, his alert eyes. This was my husband.
For a second the thought of sex crossed my mind. There was this, too. Within a few hours. But I was certain it would be all right.
During our courtship days we had been very careful about sex. Never had he touched me sexually, nor attempted to arouse me too deeply. But we had discussed sex.
"It's something we'll save," he told me. "It will be better that way."
I remember once asking him a question that had edged itself into my consciousness until I simply had to know.
"William ... have you ever? Before we met?"
He was visibly shocked by my question.
"Of course not! Why, I couldn't! It isn't right, Mathilda."
I remembered this as we drove away on our honeymoon and I was glad. We were coming to one another pure and without experience. We would learn together.
And eventually the time came. I can remember my sudden fright and nervousness as if it were but a few hours ago. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know how to act, or what to say, or what to do.
I lay motionless in the double bed, with lights out, hearing movements in the room as William came from the bathroom toward me. He fumbled for the bed and his hand struck my face.
"I'm sorry, dear," he laughed nervously.
I felt his weight as he got on the bed and then he was reaching for me. His hands caressed my body then clutched at the hem of my nightgown. With a shock I realized that he wore no clothing.
He was kissing me and saying things. He was terribly excited. I tried to relax, tried to adjust my body to his movements. Then abruptly I was thinking about the boy in the attic, and my mother and the doctor.
"Don't!" I pleaded. "Please don't!" I tried to get away from him.
He held me tight. He was heavy and strong. I had to get away. This was wrong. You shouldn't let a man do this. He would hurt you!
Mathilda stopped speaking at this point, as if she had been talking almost in a dream, and she shuddered slightly. She brought her eyes back into focus and looked at the therapist.
"That was the way it was. The way it's almost always been after that. I keep thinking it's wrong. That I shouldn't do it. That William is forcing himself upon me. I don't move. I tighten up and try to remain still. Maybe he'll go away. Maybe he'll stop. But he doesn't. He tries to make me enjoy it with him. I can't."
Mathilda's guilt about sex had been instilled deeply in her through her earlier experiences and the attitude of her father and mother.
Her husband was brought into the treatment and through understanding and proper education, Mathilda eventually, with his aid, achieved the adjustment she sought. The improvement of her husband's love-making techniques not only helped achieve a remedy to the situation, but also brought about a new era of emotional happiness for him.
Obviously there are many reasons for the failure to achieve sexual gratification besides the guilt complex such as Mathilda had.
Women who are narcissistic may be frigid in coitus. A wife who has found gratification through masturbation may fail to achieve a climax with her husband. A wife who has homosexual tendencies may fail to reach normal sexual completion. The Electra complex may be responsible for the failure.
A husband may be abusive and selfish and prevent the wife from finding happiness in her sexual relations with him. Or he may choose an inopportune time for sexual relations, or ask too much sex from his wife, or he may become a bore in his sexual practices.
Many husbands have told their doctors. "She never wants sex. She says she's tired, or doesn't feel well, or that she's too sleepy."
The same doctors have often heard the wife's answer: "He bores me. He never changes it. He never courts me, never tries to make it new and different and thrilling." She uses the excuse of being too tired or not feeling well as an easy way out from telling the truth.
Of one thing we may be fairly certain. If frigidity is present in a marriage, or if there are signs of it developing, there may well be danger ahead for the marriage.
Under these circumstances a couple should sensibly discuss the situation, read the available literature and, if necessary, seek competent help.
But whatever the reasons for the condition may be, in most cases, where all other conditions are favorable-age, health, marital compatibility besides sex and other pertinent factors-there is an excellent possibility that a woman's frigidity can be remedied.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Impotence
A man in his early forties hesitantly explained his problem to his doctor. When he finished talking, the doctor suggested that a physical examination be made.
"Impotence can be caused by several things," he explained. "It may be a physical malfunction, or it can be psychic in origin. Let's make certain that you're all right physically."
So began the treatment of one more man who was afflicted with an ailment that can be One of the greatest sources of unhappiness that may come to a man.
For a great many men the very essence of manhood, strength, ego and pride is linked-especially during their younger and more productive years-with their sexual potency. Losing that potency may be a major tragedy.
Ordinarily the term impotence is assumed to mean the inability of a male to have a satisfactory erection to complete intercourse with his sexual partner.
In actuality, impotence embraces a larger field than that. Most authorities include other sexual malfunctions under the designation-including premature ejaculation, semi erections, inability to maintain an erection, apathy to the sex act, failure to achieve fulfillment and a number of other conditions. It should be specifically noted that impotence does not necessarily mean sterility. Very potent men may be sterile-incapable of impregnating a woman.
If impotence is caused by physical factors the doctor may find the cause in venereal or other diseases, tumors, glandular trouble, general debility, physical exhaustion and similar physical causes.
The use of drugs or alcohol may lead to impotence if they are taken in excess.
Usually, however, impotence is caused by psychological factors. Let us return to the doctor's office. The man, Mark L., a fairly successful business man married to a woman a few years his junior, passed his physical examination with no trouble. Apparently there was no physical reason for his impotency, which he described as an inability to have an erection, although he had been quite capable during the earlier years of marriage.
The doctor and the patient have had a long discussion. They are in the area of conjecture and probing.
Doctor: Mark ... is there any one thing? Some one thing she has said or done? I know how personal this is-but if we can only find a clue....
Mark:
Yes ... yes, maybe there is. It's something she's said so often that I hate the phrase.
Doctor: What phrase?
Mark:
She says, 'Well, if you must-but please hurry."
Doctor: What happens?
Mark:
(laughing shortly and bitterly) If I'm ready to make love, that phrase is like pouring a bucket of cold water over me.
Doctor: Why?
Mark:
Do you stay when you're not wanted?
Thus, and fortunately, in the first interview the doctor was able to find the possible reason for Mark's impotence. His wife's obvious impatience, disinterest and desire to "get it over with" immediately cooled his ardor.
Many psychoanalysts would term this a "castration complex." A wife may perform a "psychic castration" deliberately to punish her husband, or in revenge. She may accomplish it quite easily through impatience, lack of interest or disparaging remarks about his sex ability.
The too dominating, masculine woman may accomplish a "psychic castration," and subsequent impotence in her husband, quite unconsciously unless the husband learns to throw up a protective wall about his pride and feelings.
Satisfactory surroundings and conditions for the sex act may be as important to the man as to the woman. The ringing of a doorbell, a sudden thought about a business problem, and almost any disturbance or frustration may result in a man's premature ejaculation, the loss of erection, or inability to accompany his wife in the climax of the act.
Anxiety that he cannot perform satisfactorily may cause impotence through failure to achieve erection if the worry becomes too great.
Likewise, premature ejaculation has caused a great deal of anxiety, especially among young, newly married men who have had little sexual experience. There are drugs that help in this situation.
A combination of circumstances and experience can produce the type of impotence illustrated in the case of Paul W., who sought help after a year of marriage.
Paul was a young attorney who came from a good family. He was one of three children and had lived a rather sheltered life, somewhat of his own making because he had shunned athletics, had been rather introverted throughout his youth, had not associated much with others of his age, and had little experience with girls. He was studious, rather serious, and was known by his youthful associates as a "bookish" type.
During his junior year in a university he began to be interested in girls, but did little about it. He took several out and occasionally did some mild petting.
"It frightened me a little," he admitted to an analyst. "I usually became very excited sexually and I didn't know exactly what to do about it. I was afraid the girl would notice and I became embarrassed."
It bothered him considerably that he was becoming so sexually aware of women and could control neither his feelings nor his fantasies.
"My family was one of those where the virtue of a woman was considered indispensable. And a young man should wait for sex until he was married. My parents had given us a form of sex education predicated upon complete purity until marriage," he explained. "This made it doubly difficult for me in college. I knew that some of the other men were playing around, and they seemed none the worse for it. Yet I couldn't bring myself to approach any of the girls I knew. Despite the fact that I was sometimes almost crazy with desire."
In his senior year he relaxed his strictness of behavior to the extent of drinking beer occasionally with some of his classmates. One night he went on a "beer bust" with some other students, and together they all visited a house of prostitution, where Paul had his first heterosexual experience.
The Sexual Side of Life Paul's own account follows:
Paul W., age 38, married It was probably after midnight when someone had the idea about going to the house. I'd heard about the place around school, but, of course, I'd never been there.
One of my friends, Jerry, had been there a number of times and had tried to persuade me to go with him on several occasions. My family background and strict moral code always prevented me.
But on this night I'd had more beer than I ever had drunk before, and going to the house seemed like a very good idea suddenly. The drinks had erased most of my inhibitions, and with the courage gained from the others, who were suddenly eager to go, I felt that I could 'sow some wild oats" at least once.
On the way Jerry asked me if I was going to go through with it. I had never admitted to him that I was a virgin, but I'm certain now that he suspected.
"I don't know if I feel like it," I said, trying to sound rather indifferent.
"Yeah," Jerry said wisely. He did not try to embarrass me by referring to a virginity I'm sure he knew existed. Rather, he tried to allay some of my nervousness. "Well, don't worry about venereal diseases. The girls are all supposed to be clean, but we won't take any chances."
I tried to act knowledgeable about it all, however, and probably carried it off fairly well with the four others in the crowd. Looking back, I'm certain now that it was a first experience for some of them, too. But I know that at the time I was certain that I was the only inexperienced one there. I hoped that it didn't show and tried my best to appear sophisticated about it.
We went into the house, which was located across town from the university. It was a large, old residence that probably had been a mansion years before. Now it was rather run-down. The blinds were drawn at the windows. There was little evidence of occupancy.
Someone opened the door for Jerry and recognized him and we went in. One room was fixed up in the semblance of a bar and there was a place for dancing. A juke box stood in one corner. Several girls eyed us with interest.
We all ordered beer and bought for the girls. A small, pleasant-looking blond woman attached herself to me. She looked as if she might be three or four years older than I was.
I didn't know what to do. I asked her if she wanted more beer and she shook her head.
"Shall we go upstairs?" she asked.
Probably I would have fled or found some excuse to get out of it if Jerry, who was at my side with his arm around a brunette, had not said, "That's why we're here."
He pulled out some money and paid for the beer and then handed me a ten-dollar bill. "Pay me back sometime," he grinned. "I know you're short right now." He was from a wealthy family and always had plenty of money. He winked at the blonde. "Have fun," he said.
Now there was nothing for me to do but go through with it if I wanted to save face. I felt the woman's body pressing against me and put my arm around her. Suddenly I was excited and more than willing.
We went up the stairs to a dimly lighted hallway with doors on both sides. Jerry's girl led him to the first door on the right and mine took me to the second door. We went in and she closed the door after us. We looked at one another in the light from a shaded lamp on a small table.
There was a bed in the room. It looked almost sterile with its white sheet and pillow. A faint odor of perfume hung in the air. It was very warm and my increasing excitement helped to bring perspiration to my forehead. I wondered what I should do or say. I thought about the money and held it out.
"You'd better take this now," I said, trying to smile nonchalantly.
"Sure." She took the money and went to a dresser and put the money in a drawer. Then very deliberately she undressed. She turned and looked at me.
"You'd better hurry up, honey. We don't have all night," she smiled.
I remember staring at her without being able to move. Excitement made my heart pound in my ears. It was the first time I ever had seen a nude mature woman.
"You'd better take your clothes off," she said. "It's hot in here. That's a clean sheet, too." She had large, firm breasts. I tried not to look at them, but I wanted to look at them and touch them.
"Hurry up, honey," she said again.
My hands were all thumbs as I undressed. I remember going over to the bed and watching her stretch out and look up at me.
I was awkward. I didn't know exactly what was expected of me, but I tried to be assured. She smiled up at me.
"Excited, big boy?" she asked. "You like?"
"You're pretty nice," I said huskily.
"How do you know?" she laughed softly. "You haven't started yet." She moved a little and said, "I'll help you, lover boy."
That was it. I tried to stop it. I instinctively tried to complete the act and knew that I was being unsuccessful.
I know that the girl was angry for a few seconds and then she was laughing a little.
"Better luck next time, honey." she said.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Don't be. It's nothing to me. Too bad you didn't get your money's worth. Maybe you can get one of those college girls to make it up to you!"
She seemed to think that her remark was quite funny and laughed again. As for me, I felt guilty and unclean, and I was disgusted with her and myself.
"Why don't you come back next week?" she suggested. "I feel as if I really owe you a good trick. You come back and we'll have a real party, huh?"
"Sure," I muttered. Yet I wanted nothing more than to get out of there. I certainly never wanted to see her again. I was now completely disillusioned with the whole business of sex. The beer was beginning to make me a little ill, too.
I went back downstairs and waited for Jerry. The others were all upstairs, too. When Jerry came down he grinned knowingly at me.
"Okay?" he asked.
"Yeah," I nodded. "Let's go out and wait in the car for the others. It's hot in here." v
"Good idea," he said.
The next morning I had a real hangover. Remorse and guilt made it twenty times worse.
And deep down I think the thing that made it worst of all was that I had failed so miserably in my first sexual experience with a woman. Somehow I felt cheated, even if I was also glad that nothing really had happened and that I still was "pure." But I couldn't forget the girl's anger and then her laugh. What was almost as bad was the thought that crossed my mind that "maybe I'm a homosexual"
Subsequent sessions with the analyst disclosed that Paul had attempted further experimentation with college girls, but it had progressed only to the point of petting.
"Sometimes I thought I could have gone further," Paul said. "But then I would remember what had happened with the prostitute and I was afraid that it might happen again. Consequently I failed to go on with one or two girls who might have been willing."
Two years after he had finished school Paul married a girl named Marian who came from a good family in the same town where Paul had been reared and now was practicing law.
Paul and Marian had known one another since grade school. They were the same age and had comparable backgrounds. The wedding was quite a social event in the town.
Even before the wedding Paul was apprehensive about the sexual part of marriage, but had convinced himself that once he was married everything would certainly be all right.
"I'd heard about men who were just inexperienced and got too excited," he explained to the analyst. "I was certain that was what had been wrong with me."
"How about the period when you were courting Marian. What were your feelings about sex then?"
"Do you mean, did I want to have intercourse with her?"
"I'd assume that you did. That's part of being in love. I mean, what about petting? What were your reactions?" Paul hesitated a few moments and then said, "We petted quite a bit."
"It's not unusual. It wouldn't help your trouble, though," the analyst told him.
"But I thought it would be all right when we were married."
"What happened?"
"You mean, the first night?"
The analyst nodded.
Paul frowned and looked away. "The same thing that happened with the prostitute. I couldn't get my mind off what had happened that night. I kept trying to get everything under control. Marian was eager. She wanted to consummate the marriage. She'd been very sensible about it."
"How do you mean?"
"Well, she'd gone to her family doctor for instruction. She even had asked for minor surgery. You know ... the hymen. We were very frank in our talks and she'd asked me if it would be all right. I agreed that it would be better. Some doctors advise it. I didn't want anything to mar her wedding night for her. I wanted things perfect."
"But they weren't?"
"No. I was premature again. We laughed about it the first time. We agreed that I was too excited. We made a newlywed joke about having to wait so long that I just couldn't take it any longer."
"You tried again later?"
"Yes, but it wasn't any good. I seemed to be impotent and even in that state ... I mean ... not as I should be, I was premature again."
"And since then?"
"It's never been really good. Once in a while it's a little better but never long enough for Marian to get any gratification. Now it's got her so that-well, she sort of avoids intercourse. She's nervous about it and-that's about it, I guess. It's just no good, and if I can't do something about it, I'm afraid it will ruin our marriage."
"Can you tell me how you feel when you try?"
"Yes. I can do that. First, I feel that I want to try. I want my wife. Then I remember the prostitute and the way it's been every time. I make up my mind that it isn't going to happen. I start to make love to Marian ... slowly and easily ... but I can't keep my mind off myself. Sometimes she becomes responsive pretty quickly. She moves against me ... and then ... well, the desire is there but by that time I've worried so much about it that I can't make love to her. Or else I try and it's all over within seconds."
So Paul's story unfolded, bit by bit, until the full picture was there.
With skilled help and Marian's co-operation, Paul was able to dissipate the deep anxiety he had about his sexual failures, and the memory of the episode with the prostitute was placed in proper perspective. He learned to understand his own problems, the influence of his background, and then he learned simple techniques in making love that soon brought both him and his wife the marital happiness in sex that they sought.
It is not uncommon for newlyweds to experience difficulties such as Paul encountered, although seldom to the extent that he did. Very often it takes only a short period for newlyweds to get acquainted with one another in this new world of sex that they now have at their disposal.
Occasionally an enthusiastically co-operative bride will make it most difficult for a new husband to contain himself. In these cases simple techniques found in almost any authoritative manual for marriage will solve the problem. Also, excessive sexual indulgences may cause temporary impotence.
When the impotence problem is deep-seated, medical aid should be sought. Even in older age, when men often believe that they should be losing their potency, it is not necessarily so-often they make themselves lose it by believing that they have.
As many doctors will tell their patients, and as many men, and some wise women, know-a man's potency is largely a state of mind! This is why no man should be too greatly alarmed by a temporary loss of potency when he is tired or not feeling well, or when he has business or economic problems. If impotence persists, then he should consult his doctor.
The question may be asked at this point: "What about drugs, hormones and glandular treatments to restore potency?"
The answer to this is emphatically to consult a doctor.
Meanwhile, here is a word of warning to wives, who should always remember that a man is most sensitive about his potency, Ridicule, humiliation, impatience-or any reaction of disappointment that may make a husband feel inadequate, guilty or ridiculous-can very well make a husband impotent.
If this should happen, a woman stands as much to lose as the man, and the marriage may be placed in serious jeopardy.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Exhibitionism and Voyeurism
One evening within the lapse of a few hours police in a fairly large city added two almost routine cases to the exceedingly large number of sex offenses that are recorded yearly in the nation.
In one instance two policemen were parked at a curb in a patrol car when a young woman hurriedly approached them.
"I'm so glad I found you here!" she exclaimed in relief. "I didn't know exactly what to do and then I saw your car."
"
"What's wrong?"
"A man. Back a couple of intersections."
"Did he annoy you?"
"He was ... I guess you call them exhibitionists."
The police officers nodded and asked for details.
Three hours later, in another part of the city, two other patrol officers brought a man into precinct headquarters.
A desk sergeant looked up inquiringly.
"Peeping Tom," one of the officers explained. "Another one."
Although the terms "exhibitionism" and "voyeurism" have different meanings, they complement each other to the extent that they may be considered in the same area of study.
Karpman expresses their relationship very succinctly in The Sexual Offender and his Offenses: "The exhibitionist says, in effect, 'I want to show you what I've got;' the voyeur, 'I want to see what you've got.' "
Karpman explains further that the legal term for exhibitionism is "indecent exposure," while the voyeur is most frequently called a "Peeping Tom."
More specifically the terms may be defined as follows:
Exhibitionism: is ordinarily defined as the urge to expose one's genitals to others in order to obtain sexual gratification for oneself.
Voyeurism is defined by Markey as: 'sexual pleasure from looking at the genitals or nude body of another." It should be noted that another word, scoptopkilia, is frequently used as a synonym for voyeurism.
Karpman distinguishes between the two as follows: "Scoptophilia consists of excessive interest in looking at genitals, sex acts, etc., as a sexual stimulus. Voyeurism is a socially illegal act, motivated by the desire to see the unclothed or partially unclothed sexual object."
Flescher in Mental Health describes voyeurism as a 'synonym for scoptophilia but used most frequently when the tendency to look at others' genitals has become a perversion, that is, an exclusive pattern of sexual gratification." The more popular contemporary term for "peeking" seems to be voyeurism.
The exhibitionist Exhibitionism is one of the most frequently encountered sex offenses and is said to be exceeded only by prostitution and homosexuality. A great number of cases are reported every year. The following report to the police is an example.
A young woman, employed as a stenographer, was strolling alone in an apartment area. She stopped for a traffic light. Her account follows:
There weren't many persons or cars on the streets. It still was light, and it was very warm after a hot summer day.
I stopped for a traffic light and stood on the curb. A car driven by a fairly young man moved slowly across the intersection and came to a stop directly in front of me. It was a one-way street and he was in the left-hand lane so that the driver's door was near me.
He smiled and said, "Pardon me ... can you tell me where First Avenue is?"
He looked quite nice, and didn't act as if he were trying to make a pick-up.
"It's four blocks down the street," I told him.
He nodded his thanks. Then he suddenly opened the door at his side and said: "Look at this I"
Instinctively I looked down. His trousers were unzipped and he was completely exposed. For a few seconds I stared in a sort of shock. I couldn't believe what was happening. I know that he was watching my face. I guess I sort of screamed then because he slammed the car door and took off in the car. I didn't think to get the license number.
Police have heard similar stories many times. No one knows how many such incidents have not been reported.
Guttmacher, in his lectures, makes reference to what he called "the up-to-date exhibitionist" who often uses an automobile for his exposure. Of 471 cases of exhibitionist behavior reported to the Los Angeles police in 1947, Guttmacher observes, "267 were carried out in automobiles. In a large number of these offenders, there is a compulsive need to repeat their offense over and over again in a remarkably stereotyped fashion. The fact that exposure in an automobile often results in the taking down of the license number, seems to be related to an unconscious need for bringing punishment upon themselves which many offenders show."
Exhibitionism is almost entirely a male activity. Rather extensive records covering exhibitionism show very few female exhibitionists.
Guttmacher comments: "All studies on exhibitionism remark on the small number of women involved in exposure of the genitals. It may well be that the female unconsciously feels her lack of a penis as a narcissistic injury and tries to conceal, rather than expose, this lack."
Similar thinking is reflected by Karpman, who suggests that the rarity of female exhibitionists may be attributed to the availability of more acceptable social outlets for women, or to their shame at having nothing to show.
That exhibitionism among females is much less frequent than among men has been recognized also by Hirschfield, Bilder-Lexikon, Brown, Guyon, Allen and many others.
This fact usually is difficult for many males to believe. They point to burlesque, stage, night clubs, pin-up pictures and other exhibitions of female nudity, in the firm belief that women enjoy displaying their nudity, and persist in believing that women get as much erotic satisfaction from displaying themselves as the male usually obtains in viewing them.
This is not usually true, say the Kinsey reports and other studies. As a matter-of-fact, the woman's reaction may be quite contrary to the actual circumstances. According to Sexual Behavior in the Human Female: "Most of the females in our histories who had been involved in such stage exhibitions, were highly disdainful of males who could so easily be misled into believing that there was any real eroticism in such a performance."
Thus we face the fact that exhibitionism is usually a male phenomenon.
What makes an exhibitionist? Why does he do the things he does? What is he like? Is he dangerous?
The exhibitionist is not necessarily the so-called "degenerate" type. Caprio remarks that many exhibitionists who come into conflict with the law "are well educated individuals holding responsible positions in their communities."
Usually the exhibitionist's victims are women and children. A true exhibitionist, according to Rickies, 'seldom if ever goes beyond the simple act of exposure. There is no attempt to attack or molest; the exhibitionist is not actually dangerous to society, it is not a physical threat. The psychic trauma is not serious unless made so by the reaction of adults."
Most authorities concur that the true exhibitionist is not particularly dangerous. Ellis observes that the exhibitionist is shy and timid and seldom makes demands on women. Hartwell points out: "When exhibitionism is pathological, there is the desire to surprise, offend, or shock. Most are disappointed and lose interest if the object is casual. Many, if a response is forthcoming, cease and run away. Few people are harmed."
However, great care should be taken to instruct children fully about sex so that they will not be confused or frightened by an exhibitionist. This is especially true because the man exhibits himself to a child may not be a true exhibitionist but may be trying to interest the child in a further sex act. A man of this type can be very dangerous to children.
Exhibitionists may often be greatly aided by psychiatric help and are frequently referred to psychiatrists.
An example is the case of Ivan L., forty one, married, father of three children, and a businessman of good repute in a middle-sized community.
He was arrested when he exposed himself to a young woman who worked in his office. After several recurrences of the act, she reported it to the police rather than continue on the job and thus suffer the embarrassment of her employer's actions.
At first the subject was inclined to be uncooperative with a court psychiatrist but after several psychiatric sessions he finally began to communicate to his therapist. Here is an excerpt from his interviews:
Therapist: Tell me about your relations with your wife. Ivan:
Do you mean sex relations? I suppose you do.
Therapist: Yes.
Ivan:
She's frigid. She's been frigid since our last child was born. She didn't care much for sex before that. She was afraid of getting pregnant. Now she virtually refuses to have relations with me.
Therapist: How do you feel about that?
Ivan:
I think it's unfair to me.
Therapist: Let's get back to the girl in your office and what happened. Tell me again how you felt the first time.
Ivan:
I've already explained ... I had a terrific compulsion that I couldn't control. I felt I had to expose myself.
Therapist: You didn't tell me if you were attracted to her. Ivan:
I'm not certain. I guess I really wasn't very attracted to her.
Therapist: Did you want her sexually?
Ivan:
I think not. I think I wanted to show her.
Therapist: Show her? You say that more as if you wanted to convince her. Is that the word?
Ivan:
Perhaps it is. It's a little confusing to me.
Therapist: Convince her of what?
Ivan:
I don't think I meant that, either.
Therapist: Oh?
Ivan:
It's mixed up with my wife somehow. I can see that now. At least, I think it is....
Ivan actually was quite right. After many sessions with the therapist, it became obvious that Ivan was attempting to punish another woman for his wife's frigidity. The desire to shock or frighten his employee was an unconscious form of revenge on his wife.
In some cases the exhibitionist may be seeking to punish women, through his actions, for his mother's "prudery," impressed upon him during his earlier years.
It is observed that most exhibitionists do not marry, and there is evidence that the deviation may be a tangential type of homosexuality since usually there is a marked tendency to avoid actual sexual contact with women.
Exhibitionists seldom seek help voluntarily, but when they are apprehended by police and when a court refers them to a psychiatrist for help, psychotherapy may be quite successful, according to outstanding medical authorities.
Usually when an exhibitionist exposes himself he appears to be in a dream-or trance-like state. Rickies suggests that this may be due to the exhibitionist's own embarrassment, which he goes to great lengths to disown or deny. "This," says Rickies, "accounts for assumption of stupefaction, a dream-like state or amnesia. There is conscious awareness at all times."
In reviewing the case histories of exhibitionists, it is frequently noted that the impulse to exhibit comes on suddenly and with a compulsion that cannot be resisted.
In summarizing some of the factors in exhibitionism, virtually a full gamut of maladjustments, complexes and deviations may be run.
The factors may include, depending upon the individuals and circumstances: the castration complex, homosexuality, incest, impotence, defiance and frustration, masturbation, narcissism, revenge, sadomasochism, religious conflict, and inferiority, to name some of them.
High among the factors is the incest-Oedipus complex factor, and there seems, according to Rickies, to be evidence of latent or overt homosexual tendencies in almost every exhibitionist.
Voyeurism
There is such a close relationship between exhibitionism and voyeurism that Caprio regards exhibitionism as a passive form of voyeurism. Christoffel remarked that: "Every genital exhibitionist is an active scoptophiliac." Oberndorf, Karpman and Hirning concur, as do most other authorities.
Examples of voyeurism may be found in every community of any size. The following is a typical case.
On a spring night two police officers in a patrol car were driving through a rather well-to-do residential area when one of the officers spotted the silhouette of a man's head and shoulders outlined against a lighted window for a few seconds.
"Hold it," he cautioned his partner at the wheel. "Pull up and turn off the lights."
A moment later the two officers walked silently on grass at the side of a house, their eyes intent on the figure of a man who was motionless by a window. Obviously the man was peering in through the small margin where the blind had not been fully drawn.
He was not aware that the policemen were near him until they had closed in and grasped him.
He straightened up and looked at them with frightened eyes. He was middle-aged and appeared well groomed. He wore a fairly expensive sport shirt, light sweater and flannel slacks. Obviously he was no transient nor a resident of the seamier streets in town.
"What's going on?" one of the officers demanded.
"I-Listen, officers ... I can explain."
"Start," the officer snapped.
The front door of the house opened and a man came out.
"What's going on out here?" he demanded.
"This man was by the window here looking in."
"That's my daughter's room. She's getting ready for bed. Who is this man?" .
"You know him?" An officer flashed a light into their captive's face.
"No! What is he? One of those damned Peeping Toms? I ought to take a poke at him!"
"Take it easy, mister," the officer cautioned. "We'll take him in."
"My next-door neighbor thought he saw a prowler the other night. This must be the guy!"
Their captive was tensely quiet, his head bowed, mouth tight. The officers led him to their car and they headed for a police station. The man was sweating profusely and he looked ill.
"Listen," he said in a subdued voice. "Can I call my attorney? I know ... I mean, I realize what you think. I know what it is. If you'll just let me call my attorney. If my wife and children find out about this ... Can't you stop and let me call my attorney before we get there? Please?"
"You can call him there." The driver of the car said and shook his head. "Maybe you guys will learn that it isn't worth it. No matter how many good-looking babes in the nude you see, it isn't worth it when you get caught."
As a result of the man's arrest he finally accepted psychiatric treatment. Here is a resume of the highlights of his case history in his own words:
Martin B., 42, married, two children
I guess my first experience with this peeping started when I was very young. I was about ten or eleven, I think. A boy in our neighborhood and I used to look into the bedroom of two girls of about our age. We watched them undress. It used to excite me greatly at the time. I had a curiosity about sex and the other boy and I talked a lot about it.
From then on I had a tremendous compulsion to see girls and women undressed. I would go to great lengths to obtain a look into the privacy of a bedroom or a bathroom. Occasionally I was successful.
When I was in high school I tried very hard to sublimate my Peeping Tom desires. I seemed to be highly sexed and it was very difficult. My first heterosexual experience happened during high school with a girl who had a reputation for being "fast."
I finally succeeded in getting a date with her. I borrowed a friend's car and we went to a movie and then we parked and began to pet. Finally she let me place my hand under her skirt.
I can remember saying, "Let me look ... please." My excitement was almost unbearable. She let me pull up her skirt. I remember a moment of disappointment when I saw that she wore underclothing and garters.
She proceeded to take off more clothing and I tried to watch as I made my own preparations. My looking at her nakedness proved my undoing and suddenly it was all over for me. She was a little angry with me, but it didn't bother me. I took her home.
Martin went on to college. There he was able to keep his voyeurism fairly well under control. He took heavy courses and worked part time to put himself through school, so possibly he had little opportunity to indulge his deviation.
After graduation he went to work in an office and took a room in a small hotel. There he again became excited by his voyeuristic tendencies. The hotel rooms had thin walls. Although most of the occupants were residents, a few rooms were selected for transient trade, including one next to Martin's. Martin described his experiences in the hotel room.
The closet in my room was next to the room they usually rented to transients. I bored a small hole in the wall and was able to see into the other room. Of course I put the hole in the closet so that it wouldn't be obvious in my room.
I was always excited when the room next to me was rented to a couple. I remember several times that young couples had the room. I'd almost pray that they would leave the light on and make love. Occasionally they did. The excitement of watching was almost like a shock to me.
From the window I could also look across the street into rooms of another middle-class hotel. I bought a small telescope and spent hours at my window watching the various rooms in the other hotel.
During this era of my life, the sex urge seemed to become almost unbearable at times, and I couldn't keep my mind off sex, nor my eyes off women.
I would walk up flights of stairs behind girls in tight skirts to watch the play of their buttocks beneath the cloth. At the office I was forever looking at the lines of thighs, breasts and legs.
All of this frightened me because it was becoming so compulsive. I was afraid I'd commit some overt act, and it was becoming very difficult for me to keep from touching women.
About this time I met Susan. That changed everything for the time being.
Martin and Susan were married within the year. She was a healthy, responsive girl and apparently Martin's sexual problems were temporarily solved in the compatibility of their sexual relations.
During the next few years he was only occasionally tempted to practice voyeurism.
Once on a business trip he found himself in a hotel across from another, recalling the situation the year following his graduation from college. Martin said he sat up part of the night looking into rooms across the street.
"What happened?" the psychiatrist asked.
"A woman undressed. I saw her in the nude. She was young and well built."
"How did it make you feel?"
"I was more sexually aroused than I had been in many months."
"And?"
"Well ... just that. She turned out the light. I watched another room for quite a while. A couple was in it, but the light was very low. I couldn't see much."
"What did you do?"
"Nothing. After a while I took a sleeping pill and went to bed. I tried not to think about it. The pill put me to sleep."
In his late thirties, Marin's voyeurism became strongly re-established. He described it as follows:
I guess Susan and I had been married long enough that the sexual excitement was dying down. We had the children and we were more settled into a pattern. Sometimes I think both of us were a little bored.
The peeping business started again when I took to taking walks in the evening. By this time I had done fairly well on my job and we had moved into a rather nice residential district. I enjoyed walking in the area in the evening and early darkness.
One night I noticed a lighted room where the blind had not been drawn. A young housewife was in the room undressing. She was talking to someone as she unfastened her clothing. She had removed her brassiere when a man, obviously her husband, came into sight. He was just finishing the knot in his necktie. It looked as if they were dressing to go out.
The woman turned to say something to him and he laughed and cupped his hands on her breasts. She smiled and pushed his hands away and stepped out of sight.
A car turned into the street and I walked on, but I remembered the house. I made a point of passing it on all my walks, but never again saw the room unguarded by the blind.
The incident served to strongly awaken my interest in my peeping again. I became restless and anxious to see more. I looked for other opportunities even though I know I was doing wrong and felt ashamed.
One night when I was coming back from my walk I spotted a parked Car in the shadows of a short side street where there were no houses.
It looked as if someone were in the car and I stepped into the concealment of some high shrubbery. I moved a little closer and saw a couple in the car. They were kissing. After a while they moved around and I saw they had begun to love. I got as close as I dared. I could see the whiteness of the woman's thighs. My excitement was almost unbearable.
Afterward I went home and had intercourse with my wife, keeping the memory of what I had seen in my mind. I imagined that I was the man in the car.
I saw no more of that couple, but I found other windows. Soon I learned where I could observe in comparative safety. Though I always felt guilty about what I was doing I just couldn't stop it-I don't know why.
It was while at one of the windows he habitually frequented that the police discovered him.
Under psychiatric treatment Martin revealed a definite Oedipus complex. He recalled that as a small child he had wished to view his mother intimately. A household of unusual strictness prevented even the rather casual state of undress that might be expected in many homes. This undoubtedly intensified Martin's voyeuristic tendencies. His unconscious incestuous desire for his mother found expression in his desire to see. (This probably reflects the very small child's feeling that what he sees he has.)
Psychotherapy apparently was successful in this case. However, treatment is not always successful and in many instances the voyeur becomes a community nuisance. Some of them will go to extraordinary lengths in pursuit of their deviation.
Most adult persons, living average, active lives, have come in contact with, heard about or read about exhibitionists and voyeurs in their own communities. It is seldom that a large metropolitan newspaper does not mention arrests for indecent exposure or "peeping" several times weekly.
This brings up the question of just what we consider a sex offense to be, and whom we call a sex offender.
A full exploration of definitions, the various classifications and legal interpretations would take many pages.
Guttmacher says of the sex offense and the sex offender that technically "every breach of the legal code under which one lives is an offense. But millions of offenses have little social significance and the offenders are not really antisocial individuals." He then draws a comparison with the shopper who takes a pear from a grocer's bin, or the souvenir snatcher who takes a hotel ash tray, and cites the common opinion that such peccadilloes do not brand the perpetrator as a thief "unless he carries them out repeatedly."
He calls attention to the fact that offenses in which expression is given to partial instincts-among which he includes voyeurism and exhibitionism-are extremely common.
He goes on to say: "In many individuals, these are the normal components of the sexual foreplay which precedes sexual intercourse and they are often indulged in sporadically by quite normal individuals as an end in themselves. The temptation felt by a male to caress momentarily an attractive female by touching her body is very frequent and is often given in to. Eagerly watching a strange woman undress, when she has failed to pull down her window shades, is common enough."
He then mentions situations in which these impulses may be granted legitimate expression-for instance the voyeurism at burlesque shows or at a strip-tease performance.
Thus we may quite logically conclude that a touch of exhibitionism or voyeurism in the bedroom between husband and wife certainly may be not indicative of an "abnormal" condition.
Nor is it likely that the average male's appraising and admiring look at a well-formed woman is indicative of abnormality. In our present society it is quite obvious that there is a normal desire among girls and women to 'show" and an equally normal desire among males to "look."
It is when these desires-and in most cases on the part of the male-get out of control, in behavior that offends our particular society in our particular culture, that we have trouble.
Thus, it is interesting to note-that in Japan kissing in public long has been considered taboo, while nude bathing of men and women together is accepted. And in a former age, the exposure of a Chinese woman's foot, or the exposure of a Mohammedan woman's face, was as reprehensible as the exposure of her genitals!
Sexual mores vary in every culture.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Prostitution and Rape
No book dealing with the sexual side of life could be complete without reference to prostitution.
Although prostitution is considered to be more of a commercial or socioeconomic problem than a sex problem, it still offers one of the most extensive areas of iniquity in the field of heterosexual perversities.
The age-old practice of prostitution has resulted in a vast amount of literature pertaining to it, and many conflicts of attitude toward it.
Basically prostitution is the result of a constant conflict between the sexual drive of the human male and the restrictions, sheltering and patterns of behavior that he himself has imposed upon the female. He has prescribed chastity for the female until marriage, yet his own sexual appetites demand-in most cases-heterosexual satisfaction. The consequence has been women for hire.
For generation after generation many young women have been sacrificed to prostitution. Contemporary generations are no exception. In some cities prostitution is somewhat controlled. In others it may flourish. And nation-wide we have the call girl, the club girl, the party girl, the prostitute who works in a "house" and the many women who pursue prostitution on a part-time basis, often holding respectable jobs during the days and selling themselves at night. Then, of course, there are the streetwalkers known to the police in most cities.
There are also the kept women, the mistresses, and the married women who may seek additional funds through occasional acts of prostitution.
Listing prostitution among the deviations or the perversions is justified because prostitution is biologically a deviation since it does not exist for procreation. It exists solely for the pleasure and gratification of the male. The female prostitute seldom experiences sexual gratification from her coition for hire. In many instances the prostitute may actually be a lesbian.
Commercially, prostitution often has been termed "big business" and untold millions of dollars have been acquired through the exploitation of women. Seldom have the prostitutes profited greatly themselves, for it is usually men who profit through their earnings.
Prostitution is, of course, closely related to crime. It involves bribery and corruption of government officials. It exists in an atmosphere tainted by drug addiction, alcoholism and venereal disease. It commercially includes most of the common sexual deviations.
Historically, prostitution has existed for ages in almost all lands, and under various attitudes toward it. It is paradoxical that in the Judao-Christian lands which uphold strict monogamy, prostitution has been notoriously present. It also is interesting to note the frequency of married men as customers to the prostitute.
For the greater part, women involved in prostitution show some degree of emotional and intellectual backwardness. Police describe the average streetwalker as being colorless, of rather low mentality, prone to associate with criminals, and often inclined to alcoholism or drugs. Contrasting with these women are the younger prostitutes, who are irresponsible, attracted to a gay life, and defiant, rebellious or almost completely delinquent in behavior.
Psychological studies of prostitutes indicate that many of them are latent homosexuals, and it is said that most of them are unable to achieve a sexual climax during coitus. Similarly, the male panderer may frequently be a latent homosexual, or be involved in other deviations.
The ramifications and issues concerned with prostitution are far too many to be discussed here. Of one thing we may be quite certain: prostitution still poses one of the greatest problems, and because of its many facets, and the number of persons involved in it as a business, it will take major forces to bring about changes that undoubtedly should be made.
Meanwhile, as it has for centuries, prostitution today still has a definite part in the sexual side of life, indeed, of our culture.
In a small California town a young housewife was awakened by a sound in her bedroom. Her husband was away for the night on his job. She was alone.
Nervously she reached for the bed lamp. A figure loomed out of the half darkness of the room. She shook free the cloud of sleepiness and her eyes widened in fright. A hand clamped over her mouth.
"Be quiet and you won't get hurt I" The man's voice was harsh.
The woman struggled and the man slapped her hard, again and again, until she sank back to the bed in shock and pain.
Hands roughly caressed her trembling flesh. A mouth violated hers. Her nightgown was ripped from her body, exposing her soft flesh to strange, greedy hands.
"Don't ... please don't ... please don't ... Her plea was a stifled moan.
A half-hour later she was alone again, bruised, exhausted, and the victim of a rapist.
In an Eastern state a man stepped out of a dark alleyway and seized a high school girl on her way home from a library.
She struggled until she felt the sharp point of a knife against her throat. Terror-stricken, she allowed herself to be backed downstairs into the basement of a deserted building. There in a filth of rubbish, in the darkness, she gasped in pain and convulsively drew away in the shock of rape.
Then it was finished. The man said something in a muffled voice. His hand rose and fell in quick, hard jabs, the knife blade catching a faint gleam of light in the night. The girl threshed wildly for a moment, her screams muffled by the man's hand. Then she was quiet.
The man stood and fled.
The next day two schoolboys found the body of the victim.
Thus, in two of its many varied forms, is the story of the rapist told. Sometimes the victim lives to tell what happened. Sometimes she is too ashamed to tell and keeps the violation a secret for the rest of her life. Sometimes she does not live to tell, and the story is reconstructed by a police doctor, a coroner, a police technician in a laboratory, a district attorney.
Two types of rape are generally acknowledged within the legal framework of reference. There is the rape defined as carnal knowledge of a woman by a man against her will and forcibly, and there is statutory rape, which usually is defined as sexual intercourse performed with a female under the age of consent.
According to crime reports, rape was on the increase from 1955 through 1957. The Federal Bureau of Investigation reported 19,100 rape cases for 1955, 20,300 in 1956, and 21,080 in 1957.
No one knows how many unreported cases of rape there may be, but the number must be high.
The belief by some authorities that it actually is difficult to rape a woman against her will seems to be somewhat tempered by the number of rape cases that are reported involving two or three men, quite frequently following abduction of a girl or woman from a street by car, with the rape scene being enacted in the suburbs.
Nevertheless, statutory rape cases generally far exceed the rape of an older female.
Frequently rape is accompanied by sadism, and it is suggested that some men need the resistance of a woman to achieve potency-the need of the criminal to establish sexual dominance in order to satisfy hostile impulses toward women.
Guttmacher defines three types of rapists: Those in whom a pent-up sexual impulse results in the explosive act of rape-the true sex offender; the sadist-rapist; and the aggressive criminal who engages in rape as an act of plunder. The latter type has been known to rob a house and then rape the woman in the house before leaving, seeming to take sex as a part of his plunder.
Rape, like incest or pedophilia (sexual attack upon a child), is a cultural paraphilia rather than a biological one. It offends our moral beliefs and violates our conception of normal behavior.
Psychiatric and psychological probing reveals that the neurotic mechanism operating in the rapist may be related to a number of fixations and compulsions. The Oedipus complex frequently is present. Sadism is often a factor. Sexual inadequacy may be involved.
It should be specifically noted, in passing, that rape and sadism are not synonymous, as is sometimes supposed. The pain in rape may be considered incidental to the primary objective of the rapist, which is to overcome the victim.
Police frequently come across cases involving women who accuse men of rape when the accusation is without fact. In some of these cases the woman is attempting to rationalize her surrender to temptation. On occasion these circumstances make it difficult to determine whether rape was actually committed or not.
Likewise, proof of rape may be difficult with the woman accustomed to sexual intercourse. Rape of a child is a different story, according to LeMoyne Snyder in Homicide Investigation: "It is generally simple to determine if rape has been committed when the victim is below the age of 12 years."
It is when a child has been violated that the populace is more apt to become incensed and the feeling against the rapist to run highest. The child rapist is a threat to many communities. An example demonstrates the insidious method of operation that may be employed.
Mary Lou was nine years old. On a summer morning, several years ago, she was alone in her home when a man came to the door. She answered the bell and looked up into a tanned, smiling face.
"Good morning," the man smiled. "Is your Mommy home?"
"No, sir. She won't be back for a while. She went over to my married sister's to stay with the baby."
"What's your name?"
"Mary Lou."
"And you're all alone?"
"Yes."
"Aren't you afraid to be alone?"
"No. I'm alone lots of times. Usually I go out to play."
"I'll bet you do. But I've something here for your Mommy that I'm supposed to leave. Can I come in for a moment and give it to you and show you how it works so you can tell her?"
He demonstrated a mechanical kitchen gadget. The small girl's eyes lighted up with interest.
"We'd better go to the kitchen and you get a bowl of water and I'll show you exactly how it works," the man suggested.
"Mommy doesn't like to have me let strange men in the house," Mary Lou said hesitantly.
"Oh, it's all right with me. She knew I was bringing this. I guess she just forgot, so I'll leave it with you and then I won't have to come back."
"Well ... all right...." Mary Lou unhooked the screen door and the man went in.
An hour later Mary Lou's mother found Mary Lou, torn, bleeding and hysterical, hiding in a closet of a bedroom. The man was never apprehended.
So, once again, there is the plea for sex education and care among parents. To know is to understand. To understand is to prevent.
Although the sexual side of life has beauty, it also holds tragedy.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Other Sexual Patterns
It was a beautiful summer morning. In a suburban residential area a young housewife was busy with the family washing. Usually she used the clothes drier, but the sun was so bright and hot on this morning that she decided to hang her wash in the sunlight.
The last items she hung on the outdoor line were her own panties, especially hand-washed with a mild soap. Satisfied that all the clothing was securely pinned to the line, she continued her housework.
Later that day she went to a nearby shopping center and then she visited with a friend across town, taking her two children with her.
She returned home barely in time to get dinner and it was not until after dinner that she remembered her laundry on the line outside. She went out to gather it in. A few moments later she returned, a worried frown on her forehead.
Her husband looked up from the evening newspaper. "What's wrong, Catherine?"
"Bert, there's something awfully funny going on."
"What do you mean?"
"I hung the wash out today to get the sun, and all my panties are gone."
"That doesn't make sense! Is anything else gone?"
"No. Just the panties."
"Maybe some kids...."
"They were too high for kids to reach-or Smith's dog. No, someone just took them. It makes me mad, too. Two pairs were almost brand-new, including those black ones you're always teasing me about."
Her husband looked thoughtful. "Maybe we've got one of those guys around here-one of those who are queer for women's panties and stuff like that."
The husband was quite right. Two hours before, when the house was deserted, a car had stopped on the side street that paralleled the back yard. A man had got out, looked about to make certain that he was not observed, and then had gone quickly into the yard and taken the underclothing from the line.
He had driven away quickly, almost like a hold-up man after a major robbery. A half-hour later he locked the door of his room in a middle-class rooming house and took the underclothing from a paper sack.
Carefully he spread the panties on his bed and caressed the silky material. He sat on the bed and fondled and played with the garments for a considerable time. Finally he undressed and in solitude obtained the gratification he desired.
In another city that night a well-dressed, prosperous-looking man visited a rather exclusive and expensive house of prostitution. He was greeted with a friendly smile, as if he were well known there, and a woman named Violet was immediately called for him. They went to a room.
"The usual?" Violet asked, as she closed the door.
"Of course," he smiled.
She crossed the room to a chair and sat down, fully clothed. The man brought a pillow from the bed in the room and placed it on the floor in front of her. He made other preparations.
Finally he knelt before her and lifted her dress enough to roll down the hose on her left leg. Gently, almost reverently, he removed the rolled hose from her foot, over the toes, bending to kiss her foot as he did so.
For the next ten minutes he fondled the foot, lavishing soft kisses on it, caressing it? performing virtually a ritual until his gratification was achieved and then he drew away from her.
Five minutes later he paid her and left.
Thus we have two examples of fetishism. The first, involving the young matron's underclothing, is quite common and there are few communities where at one time or another there has not been a rash of disappearing underclothing from family wash lines.
The thief, if he takes the garments to satisfy his fetish, will always be a male, for this deviation is not known among women.
The second case may be defined either as fetishism or as a separate paraphilia in its own right called "partialism."
It may be noted that in the first case, the sexual stimulant was a garment. In the second case, that of partialism, the stimulant was part of a woman's body, and this constitutes, in essence, the finely drawn difference between fetishism and partialism.
Partialism may be directed toward any part of a woman's anatomy. The feet, hands, arms, and especially breasts and buttocks are most frequent centers of attention in this respect.
It should be emphasized, however, that partialism exists only when it becomes the exclusive erotic interest for the individual. Most persons have preferences in anatomical admiration or pleasure, and, in fact, there is a measure of partialism in everyone. Consequently if a husband, for instance, has an especially high erotic interest in his wife's breasts but engages in normal intercourse with her, his intensified interest in her breasts by no means signifies partialism.
These deviations, as stated, are quite common. Men apprehended for the offenses have been known to have scores of women's garments hidden away, the result of their thefts. Men involved in partialism may attempt, on occasion, to brush against a woman's breast, or fondle a strange woman's hand, or otherwise satisfy an erotic urge.
Apparently there is a strong relationship between sadomasochism and fetishism, and authoritative sources generally believe it to be a manifestation of castration fear.
Cures are usually possible through psychiatric aid and transference of the patient's sexual interest from the fetish to heterosexual gratification.
Frottage
Whereas the man involved in partialism may demonstrate his tendencies by merely touching, or indulging in kisses or manual caresses, the man who indulges in frottage obtains pleasure by rubbing against someone.
Frottage is one of the lesser-known deviations, but it may be encountered in crowded circumstances, such as in subways or elevators where physical proximity is frequent and often unavoidable.
Undoubtedly many a woman has experienced this unpleasantness when a man pressed tightly against her, even shifting after her as she tried to escape from him in a closely packed crowd.
In most cases, of course, the woman is fully dressed and the frottage action actually is a form of assault. Sometimes the man involved will carry a rolled newspaper which he offers as an explanation if a woman accuses him of proper advances.
Although frottage might appear to be a form of fetishism, especially partialism-since a woman's buttocks usually are concerned-it is considered a separate deviation.
Frottage may be combined with other paraphilias, such as exhibitionism and voyeurism. One indulging in frottage is known to be a frotteur.
The study of frottage has been limited, since the deviation is not frequently found, and not a great deal has been written about it.
Transvestism
One dark night on a Western highway a huge, over-the-road truck-and-trailer combination roared down a mountain in a ; \ blinding rainstorm.
As the "combo" went into a sharp turn, it suddenly skidded and the truck and trailer jackknifed. Headlight beams flashed crazily for a few seconds, a crash sounded above the storm, and then there was only the sound of the rain.
Twenty minutes later a highway patrol car stopped when an officer spotted the wreck at the side of the highway. Two officers climbed down and pulled out the large, unconscious body of the truck driver.
One of the officers returned to the highway car and used a radio to summon an ambulance.
A half-hour later an intern in a hospital helped undress the injured truck driver and exclaimed in surprise, "He's wearing women's underwear!"
An older doctor who had just come into the room caught the young intern's look of surprise.
"It happens," he said. "Transvestism."
The desire to wear the clothing of the opposite sex, called "transvestism," is fairly common and has a long history.
The truck driver just described was so embarrassed by the discovery of his deviation that he voluntarily sought psychiatric help.
In his case, as in many, transvestism was the result of a latent homosexuality, which the truck driver successfully sublimated by wearing female clothing.
The deviation is found among both men and women, although it seems to be less evident among women. Some authorities suggest that this may be the result of the trend in women's styles which allows women to wear clothing usually worn by men. It certainly is not uncommon to see women dressed in the more severe clothing of the male's tailored slacks, collars, ties and jackets.
Generally it is believed that transvestism is essentially a combination of fetishism and homosexuality. Castration anxiety in the male and penis envy in the female may be controlling psychological factors.
Havelock Ellis called transvestism "eonism" after Chevaher d'Eon, a man who masqueraded as a woman, in the early nineteenth century, so successfully that the doctor who attended him in his last illness and a woman who lived with him both thought that he was a female.
Of course, transvestism among homosexuals long has been common and it is not unusual for homosexuals to have parties where some of them appear in the dress of the opposite sex.
Although cases of the deviation frequently come to the attention of the public through the death of a transvestite and discovery of his or her true sex, or through some accidental revelation, transvestites do not ordinarily become involved with the law. Occasionally, though, one will dress in clothing of the opposite sex and be apprehended where there is a law against the act.
A change in sex may be attempted in actuality rather than merely imitated by the wearing of the other sex's clothing.
Such cases occasionally have brought international attention. A man has been "changed" into a woman, or possibly the story reports a woman changed into a man.
The true hermaphrodite has both the male and female reproductive organs, the external genitals being rudimentary. Surgery may be employed in these cases to accomplish a more definitive sexual classification. Hormone treatment may also be involved.
Experiments in changing sex have been carried out in Europe, Asia and America. The Austrian physiologist, Eugen Steinach-one of the doctors who created excitement in the 1920's with experiments in rejuvenation-pioneered in the field of sex changes. Such changes have been made in frogs, mice, birds and other creatures by the use of hormones and removal or transplantation of glands.
Apparently, however, we are very far from genuinely changing the sex of normal persons, according to experts like Richard Lewinsohn, M.D.
He observes in his History of Sexual Customs: "In fact, the instances occasionally reported in the papers, of men changing into women and vice versa, relate exclusively to physically abnormal persons-sexual intermediates-whose sexual character has been developed more strongly, in one direction or the other, by hormone treatment or by operation."
Kleptomania and pyromania
Although these two acts are far apart in execution-one involving stealing and the other involving arson-they may have definite sexual motivations of similar nature.
Among authorities who relate stealing to sexual factors are Menaker, Foxe, Guttmacher, Glueck, Karpman. Kleptomania is explained by them as a symbolic sexual act, a relief from sexual tension, a substitution for sex activity for the sexually unsatisfied-especially, in this instance, the unsatisfied woman.
Kleptomania may be related to homosexuality, frigidity, impotence, fetishism and a series of fixed ideas and frustrations.
Thus the well-to-do and reputedly respectable woman who surreptitiously steals a bracelet from a department store counter, and is caught, may be much more a problem for the psychiatrist than the police.
Of greater seriousness may be the pyromaniac.
One windy night a young man stealthily walked down a dark street in the warehouse district near the docks of a large city. He stopped in the darkness behind a building. He looked about to be certain that he was not observed and then removed a can of lighter fluid from a pocket. He emptied the contents on piled rubbish and crates jammed against the back of the wooden building.
A match flickered in the wind and went out. The young man crouched and shielded his hands as he lit another. It flamed and he dropped it into the rubbish. The lighter fluid caught in a quickly spreading flame. The young man watched for several seconds until the fire was started. Then he turned and fled.
Moments later as fire trucks wheeled into the street in what was to become a four-alarm fire, the young man stood in the rapidly gathering crowd of onlookers. His face was tense with excitement. His eyes glittered with an intensity that was far greater than that of the others who watched the raging flames. He was experiencing the height of erotic excitement as he watched the fire.
Weeks later he was apprehended at another fire, when a fireman recognized him as a spectator at several recent fires. Close questioning by a fire marshal and later by the police finally brought a confession. He had set more than twenty fires over a period of a few months.
Psychotherapy was suggested in prison, and his sexual deviation came to light when he admitted his sexual arousal and culmination at the scene of each fire that he had set.
Psychiatrists and psychologists observe that the same basic sexual motivations that result in kleptomania may also be involved in pyromania.
Sodomy has became synonymous with anal sexual relations, and is defined in Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary as: "Carnal copulation in any of certain unnatural ways." It might be noted, too, that sodomy is used as a synonym for homosexuality in some courts.
Certain practices labeled as deviations are so generally understood that they need no additional explanation in these pages. These include philandering, bigamy and polyandry (a woman having more than one husband). All of these may be ascribed to sexual maladjustments. The philanderer, of course, may be the Don Juan. The bigamist may not be able to concentrate his libido upon one love object, as the woman in polyandry cannot fix her love upon one man. In these cases impotence, frigidity, homosexuality and other motivations may be involved.
Another field of deviation, which recently has had considerable attention through fiction and attendant publicity, deals with sexual relations between an adult and a child. This is pedophilia, defined as sexual attraction to children or sexual gratification through intimacies with children. The act may include exposure of the genitals or handling of a child. The term "carnal abuse" is used to describe actual sexual contact with a child.
Some authorities suggest that the word pedophilia has the specific connotation of sexual attraction to immature girls.
It is frequently noted that the pedophile may be a homeless or older man, who often is timid and has a strong feeling of sexual inadequacy. Many of these men are too shy to approach a prostitute or other available sexual object and turn their attentions to children. Often they are impotent and limit their activities to fondling minor girls or boys. Occasionally there is attempted rape.
The literature of pedophilia gives a rather complete picture of motivations. Anxiety about potency is a common one, regression may be another, or homosexuality may be involved.
Without a doubt, pedophiles are responsible for many sex murders of children, but in the majority of these crimes the murderers are not sadistic, according to some competent observers. The murders committed by most pedophiles are for the purpose of destroying the evidence of their acts.
Obviously an act of pedophilia may result in serious psychic trauma for the child. This is one more reason for the intelligent sex education of children.
The more unusual sexual deviations include mixoscopia, sexual pleasure obtained from witnessing a couple indulging in intercourse,' and coprolalia, sexual excitement attained through the use of obscene language.
The lesser known and possibly more complicated deviations may be low in intensity, or so powerful that they result in criminal acts.
All of them pose a problem for someone, somewhere. All of them are of interest and concern to the medical, legal and other worlds of study that endeavor to understand the behavior of human beings and what makes them do the things they do.
"Few people are conscious of the deep influence exerted by sexual life upon the sentiment, thought and action of man in his social relations to others."
So said Dr. R. v. Krafft-Ebing in the preface to the first edition of his famed Psychopathic Sexualis.
Since Krafft-Ebing first brought his ideas to the public near the turn of the century, a great many books concerning sex and man have been written. Extensive studies have been undertaken. A vast amount of research has been devoted to the subject of sex. Many conclusions have been reached. Theories have been propounded, some of them abandoned, some strengthened.
Previous to Krafft-Ebing, Havelock Ellis, Freud, Jung, Karpman, Caprio, Guttamcher, Adler, Stekel-the contemporaries and the greats of the last century-there were the ancients, who also made their observations about the sexual side of life. They, too, reached conclusions, and tried to inform.
Of one thing we all may be quite certain-most persons encounter problems of sex in one form or another during the course of an average lifetime.
There have been many sleepless nights that could have been eliminated by a few intelligent questions and informed answers. The phobias, fallacies, old wives' tales, misconceptions, untruths and superstitions about sex have caused untold hours of worry, anguish and sorrow that might have been avoided.
Members of a great force of trained persons now are devoting the better part of their working lives toward achieving a greater understanding of one another and ourselves. The problems of sex and the sexual side of life is one of the primary fields in which these people work.
They are physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, anthropologists, the scientists, researchers, laboratory people, investigators, interviewers, therapists-the people who work together to explore the great mystery of why we do the things we do; how we may prevent the disastrous, cure the ill, correct the wrong, adjust the abnormal and subnormal, and help people to live happier lives to richer fulfillment.
Quite possibly there will be persons among those who read this book who may recognize the trouble symptoms of a sexual disturbance in themselves. Such persons should realize that there is excellent help available.
But such readers should heed this most urgent warning: Be certain that the person you consult for such aid is qualified to help you.
It is estimated that about 25,000 charlatans operate under the guise of "doctor" in one field or another. Unfortunately, the word "psychologist" has been misappropriated by some of these charlatans, whose training does not entitle them to the professional stature awarded the recognized psychologist in some of our most progressive states.
If you believe that you need aid in solving personal problems involving sexual disturbances mentioned in this book-or perhaps other disturbances that you believe to be of a psychological nature-have no hesitation in seeking competent aid. It is a natural, wholesome thing to do and is done by thousands every year.
To obtain such aid, it is suggested that you tell your problem to your family physician, who may recommend you to a psychiatrist.
Or possibly you may prefer to go directly to a psychiatrist. You may seek an appointment with an accredited psychologist who has a doctorate in psychology-the result of four years of undergraduate work in a recognized university or college leading to a bachelor degree, with an additional four years of graduate study for a doctorate, including one year of clinical internship, usually in a medical school or an accredited hospital or mental institution.
You may obtain help through your church.
You may obtain help from any office of the Mental Health Association, which may be a member of your United Fund or Community Chest organization.
Remember this: the physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists and scientists devoted to these fields of aid for humans will never condemn you for the things you cannot help doing. They will not belittle you, they will not pass judgment on you, they will not betray you, ridicule you, nor will they persecute you in any way.
They will aid you if it is humanly possible for them to do so within the limitations of their knowledge and skills. They will defend and protect you until you have learned to understand and become more comfortable with yourself. It is only through this type of understanding that psychiatry has become helpful.
The vast majority of those who have read this book may recognize that they have no apparent trouble factors in themselves. It is hoped, however, that they will be better able to understand those who encounter trouble in the sexual side of life.
It is hoped that there may be a better understanding of the homosexual, the exhibitionist, the voyeur, the Don Juan, the nymphomaniac. It is hoped that the problems of the rapist, the sadist, the prostitute, the pedophile may be better understood so that there will be greater social intelligence and action toward them.
The great problem in treating those subject to the deviations mentioned lies in aiding them to understand themselves to the point of a satisfactory adaptation to the world of people and events.
Psychiatry, psychology and medicine can go far in accomplishing this task, but by no means are they always successful in individual cases. There are many failures.
These failures will become fewer, however, as we become more conscious of the old cliche that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." The modern ounce of prevention in this instance is in maintaining good mental health.
In the field of law, there is room for further evaluation of sex offenses, their punishment and the treatment of offenders.
These are subjects beyond the scope of this book.
In any event, what may be "wrong" in America may be quite proper in Japan. What may be "abnormal" in India may be "normal" here.
Much sexual history has transpired since that day some twenty thousand years ago when someone completed the figure of a female in the porous sandstone near Vienna. This is called the "Venus of Willendorf." And even in this oldest extant representation of a human being the female genitals are well defined. Obviously sex was as vital a factor then as it is today.
And as long as there is life on earth, someone or something will be concerned about the sexual side of life.
