"I like a man who knows what he wants!" she said huskily. And then she stepped closer to him.
Clumsily his arms went around her body and he drew her in tight against him. Once again their mouths and lips met and parted and once again he felt the sting of sensation spout electric shocks through him. Finally he lifted his face and the girl, shuddering in delight, moved closer into his embrace and rested her face on his chest. Clumsily, his hands on her shoulders drew her down into the deep grass. They lay there, locked in the embrace, with Timmy feeling and sensing the quiet quivers of excitement that ran through her body.
Then gingerly and delicately he brushed his hands across her breasts. She moaned and rolled over onto her back and looked at him. The look was inviting... was one of surrender. Then, almost as if he were afraid not to, his hands crawled under her sweater. And he cupped the naked flesh in his palms. His eyes closed because of the suffocation of the delight as he felt her nipples hardening under his fingers. He shivered at the sounds of the small whimpers that escaped from her still partially-opened mouth and then slowly and carefully he tugged the sweater up to her shoulders. Eyes glazed, he stared down at her naked and twisting torso.
CHAPTER ONE
Gloria leaned her forehead against the window pane and stared sadly out at the night. Across the campus the chapel bell stroked nine times. With a sigh she moved away from the window, walked disconsolately across the living room and then dropped heavily into the sofa. She stared around the apartment as if looking for something. Or someone. The apartment seemed to stare back at her. The chairs. The pictures. The lamps. The walls. She looked from one object to another and then shuddered.
"Nine o'clock! What am I doing alone in my apartment at nine o'clock on a Saturday night! Why aren't I out dancing? Having fun? Why must I lock myself up behind these four walls instead of facing the world!"
Then she saw the picture on the mantle over the fake fire place and she had her answer. With a soft cry, she ran across the room and picked it up and hugged it to her breasts. "Oh, Johnny! Why did it have to happen! Why! Why! Why!"
Still clutching the photograph against the full lush breasts, she returned to the sofa. She lay face down, burying the photograph beneath her body. She let her mind play with the memory of the face and it took her back to another Saturday night. Six months previously...
It had been hot that night. Very hot. Even for California it had been hot. And so they had gone to the beach in the hopes of finding a cooling breeze. But the whole city of Los Angeles must have had the same idea for when they got there, the place was as jammed as if it had been a holiday afternoon.
"I know a place where we can have some privacy," Johnny had said. "We've got to drive a little to get there, but it's worth it. What do you say?"
There wasn't the slightest hesitation in her answer. Gloria didn't want to share this night with anyone. Except Johnny. For in forty-eight hours his furlough would be over and he would be leaving. So she wanted him all for herself. "Let's go!" she had said gaily.
He grinned at her and then gunned the little sports car out of the parking lot and headed north up the coast highway. She leaned her head back against the seat and smiling happily, watching the stars overhead. Why shouldn't -he be happy? She was with the man she loved, and who loved her. They were going to be married as soon as he returned from the Army. The smile washed away when she thought about that. For Johnny wanted to get married immediately, before he left. But that wasn't the way she had dreamed about it She wanted a church wedding with all the trimmings. And a honeymoon. Not a quick trip to Las Vegas and then some shabby motel room. Maybe he didn't understand then, but when he returned and it actually happened, then he would understand it. Then he would be glad she had made him wait After all, they were still young... both 25... they could still wait. And in the meantime she would be getting a trousseau ready and finding an apartment where they could live and having the fun of decorating it for him. He'd see that she was right. Right now his insistence was based on the fact that he was going away and that he would miss her. But in the long run he'd agreed with her.
These were the thoughts that ran through Gloria's mind as the tiny car drove through the night. And though they saddened her, it was only for the moment that she was thinking about them. For she was with Johnny. And he was with her and everything was all right. And when she thought about that she began to smile again...
"Here we are!" he had said, pulling the car off the highway and onto a dirt road that led toward the distant sand dunes.
Gloria looked around at the empty stretch of beach. So empty that it was almost desolate.
"How did you ever find this place?" she had asked, "you must have brought a girl here!" she said kiddingly.
But he didn't take it that way. For Johnny didn't like to kid about things like that. "No," he had answered with a shake of his head. "I used to go surfing here... that's how I found it" Then he was bringing the car to a halt on the land-side of the sand dunes and was helping her out. Holding her hand he helped her up onto the dunes and they looked down the steep cliff at the cove beneath them.
"How do we get down there?" she asked.
He pointed to a small footpath off to their right and then without waiting for her response took Gloria's hand and led the way.
A short time later, after they "%ad arrived at the bottom of the cliff, Gloria looked up. It seemed so far away, that it was as if she had entered another world. Then she looked around the cove and she was sure of it. The white sandy beach was illuminated by moonlight and small waves danced and broke upon the shore. Two long arms of continuous boulders sheltered the cove from the ocean, making it seem as if a fence had been built around the place hiding it from the rest of the universe. Gloria hugged herself happily and then raced down the beach. With a yell that echoed off the cliff above them, Johnny tore after her.
They stayed that way for almost an hour... running... chasing... tagging... wrestling... and skipping along the water's edge. Finally, exhausted, they fell to the mattress of white sand. Hugging their knees, they stared out silently at the ocean. Suddenly, Johnny stood up and began to undress...
"What are you doing!" Gloria had said nervously, as he pulled his shirt from his shoulders.
"I'm going swimming. That's what I'm going to do!" he had answered. "I've always wanted to do it at night and now I am."
"With - with no clothes!"
"That's right... naked. And if you don't want to look just turn your back."
Gloria lowered her head and stared with embarrassment down at the sand between her knees. That was another sore point between them. Her prudishness. It wasn't that she was really a prude, it was just her strict upbringing.
A girl just didn't do that with the man she was going to marry. She had once, while in high school, given herself to a boy only to discover that was all he was interested in. Her body. And because of the shame of it, she had vowed to herself never to do it again until the night she was married. Johnny, at first had teased her about it... especially after their petting and necking sessions had brought them close to the point of surrendering to their de sires. But she had never given in. But now that he was leaving he had become more insistent about it. They were grown up, he had said. A man who was old enough to be in the service was also old enough to make love. Especially to the girl he was going to marry. But Gloria hadn't seen it that way. She had waited this long, so she could wait until her wedding night. And that's why she had turned away with embarrassment as he undressed.
It wasn't until she heard him race past her and then the splash of his body into a wave that she looked up. Chest high, he was excitedly and happily bouncing and playing in the smooth blue green water. Gloria watched him, happy with his happiness. And wondered how he was going to dry off.
"Hey! Come on in. Water's great! Help you cool off!"
She looked out at him, torn between her desire to join him and her prudish attitude. Should I or shouldn't I? I want to but - but ~ I'm afraid to.
"Come on in!" he yelled again. "Nobody's going to see you! And I promise I won't tell a soul about it!" he cajoled.
I'll do it! After all, there's nothing wrong with our being naked together... especially since the water will cover us. I'll do it!
"Turnaround!" she yelled out at him. "Turn around and I'll be in in a minute!"
She waited until Johnny had obeyed her wishes, and hurriedly she stood up and stripped her clothes from her body. She wasn't wearing much, a blouse, capri pants, a bra and panties. And in a few moments she was splashing through the surf to his side.
But not quite to his side. Nervously she kept her distance from him, stooping down so that the water level covered her breasts. Once again Johnny laughed at her shyness, and then seemed to forget about it as he frolicked in the surf. Slowly her reluctance washed away at the sight of his exuberance. And then she was at his side, joining in the fun.
They swam. They leaped. They surfed and all the while they seemed to be oblivious to each other's nakedness. It wasn't until the huge wave smashed down on her and sent her tumbling and twisting into the surf, that she felt his hands on her. He had pulled her to her feet near the shore line, his hands holding tightly onto her shoulders. Facing each other, she had brushed the salt water out of her face and then looked at him... and something gave way then...
Suddenly the prudishness... the desire to wait for her wedding night... the fear... all vanished. He saw it in her face and he brought her close to his body in a tight embrace. Her eyes closed with the sensation and the awareness of their naked flesh crushed together. And it only served to heighten her desire.
"Oh Johnny, Johnny!" she had murmured, her head sinking to his chest.
It was then that he drew her down to her knees and his lips found hers. Mouths locked, they fell back onto the sand, their bodies still tightly embracing. She shivered as the unleashed passions swept over her. Then his hands were fumbling at her breasts, cupping them and nursing her nipples into erection.
"I want you! I want you Gloria!" he had whispered huskily. "I can't wait until we're married. I want you now!"
"And I want you too, Johnny!" she had whispered.
And then she rolled over onto her back and had prepared to surrender herself to him... It was just the way she thought it would be... a delight with every probe, with every caress. His hands and fingers stroked her every part of her body until she was twisting and writhing with the exquisite pain of it Her whole body screamed for him. Her breasts and nipples, her buttocks and thighs. It was like being in another world. And she revelled with the newness of it.
Stretched out on her back. She writhed and twisted as his lips found new ways to pleasure her. Then she became aware of his knees spreading her legs and she opened her eyes. He was crouching over her, passion contorting his face. Eagerly she reached for him, lifting her buttocks and arching her hips in open invitation. Then suddenly with the first velvet touch of him, she shuddered and screamed.
And pushed him away!
"No! No! No! I can't do it!" she had yelled up at him.
"But why not? Why not!"
"Because - because it's not what I want it to be! I want to wait... we have to wait... this isn't right!" Once again the puritanism within her had assumed control.
He rolled off her body with disgust.
And then sitting by her side, hugging his knees with his arms and staring out at the ocean, he spoke, "Why isn't it right, Gloria?" he had asked softly.
Still laying on her back on the sand, her body twitching and quivering with the slowly dying passion, she answered. "I don't know, Johnny... I really don't know why it isn't right. I just feel that, that's all!"
Then she sat up and kneeling on her knees in front of him with desperation on her face, she pleaded, "Can't you wait... won't you wait?"
His eyes swept across the uplifted breasts and he licked his lips and slowly shook his head. "No... I can't wait... I don't see why we should have to wait."
"But - but - it won't be long... you'll be back soon."
Once again he shook his head. "I don't know about that... I only know I'm going away and that I want you now."
Then he shrugged hopelessly, "Who knows, maybe I'll never come back... I want this night with you... maybe just to remember it" Tears blinked in Gloria's eyes and she shook her head. "Don't say things like that, Johnny... please don't say things like that! And you know I want you... but something stops me... I just can't do it!"
There was a distant look to his face as he studied her and then slowly he rose to his feet "All right... if that's the way it is, that's the way it is... Now let's get out of here."
He looked around the beautiful cove and slowly shook his head. "I don't want to stay here any more... let me take you home!"
And though she didn't want to go home, Gloria meekly did as he suggested. They dressed quickly and returned to the sports car and then headed south back toward Los Angeles.
His good night kiss at the door of her home was perfunctory and tears were streaming down her face as she watched him go down the walk and go back to his car. "Hurry back, Johnny! Please hurry back," she whispered after him. Her body still shook from the ordeal of her denial.
But he didn't hurry back... he was never coming back. For now he lay buried in a jungle in Viet Nam, the victim of a sniper's bullet.
And six months later, all she could think of was the night she had denied herself to him. And that was the cause of her loneliness and her unhappiness . .
Gloria rolled over onto her back on the sofa, pulling his photograph out from her body. "At least he would have had that" she sobbed. "At least we both would have had the memory of it! I was wrong... so wrong! And now I want him so badly I can taste it! I want him so badly I'd do anything to make it up to him! But I can't make it up to him... Til never be able to make it up to him!"
Still lying on the sofa, she slowly unzipped the house coat and then stared down at her naked body. Deliberately she rubbed the photograph over her quivering flesh. Across her breasts and nipples... her belly... her thighs.
"Take me, Johnny!" She whispered excitedly. "Take me! Oh please take me...!"
Then, in the loneliness of the small apartment, she began to sob hysterically...
CHAPTER TWO
Timmy, sprawled out on the lower bunk bed of the dormitory room, tried to blow the clouds of smoke away from his face as he listened to the conversation that buzzed around him.
There were four others in the room with him and they were casually sprawled on chairs and on the floor in attitudes of relaxation. Timmy listened to their conversation and hugged himself warmly with the delight of just being there. It was good to fit and belong and to be a part of and he felt the comfort of knowing that he was accepted...
This is why I came to this prep school, he thought to himself. Not just to learn from books, but also from fellows like these Life was too sheltered back on the farm. I always thought that. And now that I'm listening to these fellows I know it! A few more bull sessions like this and maybe I'll lose some of my shyness. But I don't know about the things that they do... I never had the opportunity to experience them before I came here. So all I can do is listen and learn and then one of these days I'll get up the courage to open my mouth!
He was a tall thin boy with a shock of unruly dark hair that defied every attempt to comb it into place His face was long and pleasant and his eyes flashed with the excitement of just being alive He was the kind of a boy you instinctively trusted. The kind of a boy that made you think, "now that's a nice boy!"
And the "nice" boy eagerly hunched forward in the bunk bed as the conversation of the others took a new course. Now they were no longer talking about their curriculum... the reasons for their coming to this particular school... their ambitions upon graduation... now they were talking about girls!
"I made it four times this summer!" the dark-haired boy who was Timmy's roommate said nonchalantly. "And with four different girls!"
The others looked at him with opened-mouthed admiration. Even if it wasn't true it sure sounded good!
"Tell us about it," said the short fat crew-cutted boy with the pimply face.
"Yeah," said the husky brunette in hushed voice. "And don't leave out any of the details!"
Now that he had commanded their attention, Timmy's roommate played it for all it was worth. His attitude was nonchalant and worldly... like he was relating an every-day occurrence Like he had trouble fighting girls off. "Well," he drawled, "there was this friend of my aunt's... who had a daughter... I took one look at her and I knew what she had in mind... " he left the words hanging there as if they were obvious. As if everybody knew what the friend of the aunt's daughter had in mind...
"What did she have in mind?" Timmy asked innocently, from the bunk bed.
They all turned to look at him and the irony of their glances made him avert his eyes nervously. "What do you think she had in mind?" his roommate said sarcastically. "She was hot to trot!... that's what she had in mind!"
Triumphantly he looked from face to face, checking their reactions. And he nodded approvingly at their expressions and continued the story.
"Well, it happened when everybody had gone out for dinner and we were alone in her house We danced and talked and kidded around and I kept wondering how I was going to make it happen when she excused herself for a few minutes. I thought she'd gone to the John or something like that, but I sure as hell didn't expect her to come back the way she did... "
"How did she come back?" Timmy asked in a small voice.
"Naked, that's how!" he said triumphantly. "And the next thing I knew she was tearing at me as if I were the answer to every maiden's prayer! I never saw anything like it! She was a regular nympho, that one!"
There was a hushed silence in the room while the other boys played with the image of the young naked nymphomaniac forcing herself on them. Vicariously, they enjoyed the experience It was almost as good as if it had happened to them.
Timmy felt himself flush with the heat of excitement as his mind conjured the image of the girl. Those were things that happened in books... but here it was happening to his roommate! The thrill of it was almost too much for him to bear and for a moment he buried his face in the pillow under his chin. Then the voice of his roommate lifted his head and he listened eagerly to the next episode.
"It was in a movie house... I was just sitting there minding my own business and watching the picture when all of a sudden I felt this hand on my thigh...!"
Oh my God, in a movie house! Timmy thought to himself. I've been to the movies hundreds of times and nothing like that happened to me...
"... I looked over and there was this girl," his roommate went on.
"What did you do then?" someone asked in a hushed voice.
"What do you think I did!" came the indignant response. "I did the same thing to her that she was doing to me!"
They all giggled nervously in chorus.
"Pretty soon we were both so hot and bothered with feeling each other up that we couldn't stay there any longer, so we left the movie and took a walk through the park on the other side of town. But we weren't there to walk, we were both looking for a place we could do it! She was the one who found it... she dragged me into the bushes like she was going to rape me or something!"
Timmy felt his body shiver with excitement and burrowed deeper into the mattress. This was better than even reading it in books!
"How was she?" the pimply faced boy whispered in a hoarse voice.
"Terrific! Hottest girl I've ever had! She couldn't get enough of me! I lost count after five times!"
"Five times?" someone said with wonder in their voice.
Timmy's breathing heavied as he thought about it. Five times!... wow! And I haven't even had it once yet! Wonder if they can tell that I'm still... still... a virgin! Wonder what they'd think if they knew that... would they laugh . . make fun of me... wonder what they'd do.
The conversation then bounced from one boy to the other. Each one trying to out surpass the previous story of sexual powers and ability. As the hours passed the stories became more obscene and the acts became more perverted. It was like listening to a group of satyrs whose sole function in life was to deflower every female that crossed their path.
And while Timmy listened, he envied. He didn't know whether to believe some of the stories or not, but his fantasy and his imagination coupled with his desire and frustration was so great that he didn't care if they were true or not And all the time he listened he wondered. Wondered what it would be like to go all the way with a girl. Maybe it was because the opportunity had never presented itself and maybe it was due to his own natural shyness that still in his eighteenth year Timmy had yet to taste of the pleasures of a girl's flesh. Oh, he had engaged in some heavy necking... even fondled the girl next door's breasts, but that was the limit of his experience. And so the great mystery still remained a mystery to him... And all he could think about was when that wonderful day when it would happen to him.
"What about you, Timmy?" his roommate suddenly called to him, "You haven't said a word!"
Timmy flushed and then to cover up his embarrassment smiled a knowing smile at them. "Yeah," agreed the husky boy from the floor, "it's those quiet guys that you've got to watch out for... they really make out!"
"Come on, Timmy, tell us about some of your experiences, his roommate cajoled. "I've heard about some of those wild things that go on with you country boys... let's hear about some of them!"
To cover his embarrassment, Timmy sat up slowly. When he reached for a cigarette, his hands were shaking. It was the first time he had ever smoked and his throat choked with a series of hacking coughs. And while the others waited expectantly, his mind hurriedly searched for a way out.
Should I lie to them? Make up a bunch of stories? No, I can't do that... I wouldn't know how to go about it! But I don't want them to know that I'm still a virgin. I'd never hear the end of that!
And so reluctantly he shook his head. "No," he said nervously, "I - I'd rather not talk about it... " They misinterpreted his explanation and looked at him admiringly. "See, I told you that boy's been around," his roommate said proudly. "It's only a man of the world that won't talk about his experiences with women!"
The others looked at Timmy with opened-mouthed admiration. And he did his best to give them a worldly look. Then, when their attention was diverted elsewhere, he wiped the beads of perspiration off his forehead and heaved a deep sigh of relief.
If they only knew! If they only knew! Oh, when is it going to happen! I - I can't go on like this. It's got to happen soon! It's got to...
CHAPTER THREE
Gloria sat at the desk in front of the class room and waited for the boys to file in and seat themselves. In her limited teaching experience, she had discovered that was the best way to maintain their attention. To let them settle down at their desks and squirm out their energy before she began the day's lesson.
What a way to try and forget about what happened to Johnny, she thought to herself while she waited. Teaching history in a boy's prep school. Am I really here because I feel that in this way I'm making something up to him? Or am I here because it's my way of escaping from the rest of the world? Here, in the confines of this school, I don't have to be anything but a teacher. Nobody knows or cares about what happened to me... and that's the way I want it I don't think I could face another man yet... it would be like - like being unfaithful to Johnny. So the least I can do is to try and help these young boys grow up... maybe in that way I can pay back part of my debt to him...
Though Gloria had graduated from the State Teacher's College, she never had any intention of assuming a career in that profession. She had only one desire at that time... to marry Johnny. To be his wife. To make a home for him. But when the news of his death had come, that dream had been shattered. For a few months, Gloria had done nothing and it wasn't until the world seemed to close in on her that she realized that there was only one way to forget... to keep busy. And so through a friend of her father's she had been hired as a history teacher at the Prep School a few hundred miles from her home. She had replaced a teacher who had been called back into service and it was only the pressing need of filling the. vacancy, plus her father's influence, that had gotten her the job. She had been at it for some six months now and though her appearance in the all-male school had first caused a stir of excitement both among the students and the other members of the faculty, her enforced isolation soon quieted down their speculations. For she had never relaxed and had never joined in the extra curricula activities. Her day was spent in the classrooms and her evenings were spent in the loneliness of her own apartment preparing for the next day's activity. On weekends, she usually returned to Los Angeles for a visit with her parents and though her mysterious disappearances over Saturday and Sunday often led to wide spread speculation about her activities, there was no way any one could prove them. But she was young and she was beautiful and that sensuous would be wasted just sitting behind a desk, the members of the faculty had said among themselves. So there was no doubt in their minds as to what went on during those mysterious trips on the weekends during her absence in Los Angeles...
There was only one thing wrong with her program. It wasn't working. She wasn't forgetting the dream that had been punctured by a sniper's bullet in a jungle some ten thousand miles away...
What am I doing here! I shouldn't be here! I should be home... my home... our home... Johnny's and mine.
I shouldn't be teaching boys... I should be sending my own son to school! Oh Johnny, Johnny! I'm so sorry... so sorry!
Timmy from his seat in the front row at the left, saw the tense look in her face and wondered about it. He stirred uncomfortably and unhappily with the awareness of something being wrong. For coming to his history class, was one of the bright spots of the day. He looked forward to it with eager anticipation. Not because of an undue interest in history, but because it enabled him to watch Gloria. For to Timmy, she was everything a girl should be. Sweet Gentle. Beautiful. And though she dressed severely in simple clothes, there was no way for her to hide the voluptuous body underneath. And so when he saw the worried expression on his face, Timmy worried also. For if the truth be known, he had a crush on his history teacher. No, more than a crush. He desired her...
Gloria smiled over at him when she became aware of his scrutiny. She knew that he constantly watched her and though at first it had made her nervous, she no longer seemed to mind. For there was something about Timmy that drew her attention also. She had tried to figure out what it was from the very first day of their meeting in the class room, but had never met with success. But she knew it was there. She knew it was there, because she found herself constantly glancing over at him. Looking forward to seeing him walking in the door. Wondering what he would wear. Studying him. And though his grades had been good, they were slowly beginning to tumble toward a failing level. And she worried about that. More so than with any other student because for some unknown reason she only wanted success for him. Only wanted him to achieve whatever it was in life that he desired...
And so they sat there in the classroom smiling nervously at each other and wondering why it was they were smiling. Then Timmy suddenly bowed his face so that she couldn't see the tinge of embarrassment in his cheeks.
For Timmy knew what the attraction was...
At first he hadn't realized what it was, but then it came through his day dreaming with stark clarity. For in his fantasy he was imagining Gloria some place else other than the classroom. It was another kind of a room that he was seeing her in... a bedroom. His bedroom!
In the dream, there was a soft glow from some hidden illumination that silhouetted her as she slowly and seductively walked toward him.
He imagined himself sprawled out on the bed, his back against the headboard with his arms folded across his chest. And she was coming closer and closer...
She was wearing something silky and gossamer and he was licking his lips because the light was outlining her body through the filmy negligee. Licking his lips, because that was all she was wearing...
And as she walked there was a seductive smile on her face because she was slowly unbuttoning the gown. He saw the creamy whiteness of her shoulders as it slipped down and then she was pulling it from her body and letting it drop to the floor at her feet. She stood at the edge of the bed and looked down at him. She was standing straight and taut, her breasts proud and uplifted. He wanted to reach out and brush his hand across the hard rise of her belly. Her thighs seemed like ivory columns, tapering gently into the long svelte legs.
Then he saw the strange smile on her face as she bent over him with a partially opened mouth. Her breasts loomed large in front of him and slowly he reached up and cupped them in the palms of his hand. He could feel the rose-bud nipples hardening into erection under his fingers...
Timmy swallowed quickly and looked over at Gloria to see if she had been watching him. He could feel the exclamation points of perspiration exploding across his forehead because of the fantasy he had just conjured up. Grateful that her attention was elsewhere in the room, he secretly wiped a hand across his brow and breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy the day-dream, it was only his fear of having to explain his nervousness that frightened him. Then, to occupy his mind with other thoughts, he busied himself with studying his history book. But it wasn't any use. The pictures on each page blurred and became something other than what they were They became images of Gloria, of her breasts brushing low against his face and mouth and of her bending lower and lower to his bed...
CHAPTER FOUR
Gloria sat tensely in the booth, her hands tight around the glass in front of her, and studied the man at her side out of the corner of her eye. The man was Alan Courtney, a fellow-teacher in the history department who had been asking her to go out with him ever since her arrival at the school.
It was a Saturday night and unable to go to Los Angeles because of her parents' decision to spend a weekend in San Francisco. Gloria had agreed to go out with him rather than spend another lonely night in her apartment. Alan had taken her to dinner and now they were spending the waning hours of the evening dancing in one of the more exclusive clubs in the town. But no matter how pleasant the evening and no matter how hard Allan had tried to put her at ease, Gloria still found it impossible to relax...
He's nice. Very nice. Handsome too. And an excellent dancer. Knows how to give a girl a good time. But it's not like being with Johnny! I can't relax with him... can't be myself. But I know why... it's because pretty soon he'll be taking me home And I'm afraid of that. Afraid to face it Afraid that he'll want to come into the apartment for a night cap. And if I let him in, then maybe... he'll want to make love! And though I really don't want to... I'm not that attracted to him... I'm... I'm afraid not to! Afraid not to, because of what happened the last time I turned a man down! I know that doesn't make sense, but that's the way I feel about making love I'm afraid to say no to any man!
And just as she had figured, Alan called for the check. "It's getting late Gloria. I ought to be taking you home now."
She didn't respond, but merely sat tensely at his side as he paid the bill. Then he was helping her out of the booth and they walked slowly and stiffly toward his car in the parking lot. Without saying a word, he twisted the ignition key, nursing life into the engine and then he gently eased the car out onto the highway.
Gloria sat stiff and tense against the door and stared straight ahead. Her mind was quickly snapping probabilities and possibilities into place and she was wondering how to handle each situation. But when Alan pulled to a stop in front of her apartment house she still hadn't decided what to do...
"I know it's impolite to ask," he said with a smile "But do you mind if I come up for a night cap?"
Grateful for the darkness that hid her face, Gloria slowly said, "No... not at all... I - I think that would be nice" Eagerly he helped her out of the car and holding her elbow, he guided her up the stairs to her apartment. Opening her hand bag, she fished out the door key and handed it to him. He shrugged happily and after turning the key, held the door open for her. Body held straight and tense, she walked briskly into the apartment and quickly snapped on the bright overhead lights. She turned at the sound of the door closing behind her and then nodded toward the kitchen.
"The makings are in there. Why don't you fix us some drinks while I go and get... go and get comfortable!"
Gloria cringed at the lewd expression that suddenly came into his face For she knew what he was thinking. Then, without waiting for his response, she turned and walked into the bedroom. She closed the door and sagged against it for support "Why did I do that! Why did I say that! Now he expects something from me... Now he's going to think that I... that I... want him!"
Wearily, she sat down on the edge of her bed and cupping her chin in her hands, thought about what to do. "I know what he thought I meant when I said something comfortable... something seductive! Something that I could easily slip off when the time was right, that's what he was thinking! But I don't want to wear anything like that... I don't want to give him any ideas like that!"
Quickly unzipping her dress and stepping out of it she walked over to the wardrobe closet Standing there in front of the mirror in her high heels, silk stockings, brassiere and panties, she gasped in surprise at how seductive she looked.
Quickly, to change the image, Gloria kicked off her shoes and peeled down the nylon stockings. Then straightening up, she began to push through her clothes in the hopes of finding something to wear. Something that would protect her. Something that would chill the desire that she knew was growing in the man on the other side of the bedroom door. Finally, she found a garment that she felt suited the purpose. A heavy quilted house coat that covered her from her neck to her toes. A wave of relief flushed through her body as she put it on and then tugged the long zipper up tightly against her throat.
"Well, he can't get any ideas from this! Maybe he'll just take one look at me and go home!"
There was surprise in Alan's face when he looked up as Gloria walked back into the living room. It was true, he hadn't expected her to return in a garment that hid and covered her body so completely. Then he smiled and giving her one of the drinks, he took her by the hand and led her to the sofa. They sat down and eyeing each other nervously across the top of their glasses, they drank slowly. It was then that Gloria noticed that the bright overhead lights had been dimmed and that the room was in semi-darkness. He had also turned on her hi-fi set and soft music was providing a backdrop to the mood.
They talked of inconsequential things... of other faculty members... of the school... and of students that they both knew from their classes. And while they talked Gloria became aware of the tension that was building between them. She also noticed the nervousness in Alan Courtney. Nervousness brought on by the situation of being in her apartment and wondering what to do next...
Pretty soon he's going to try and kiss me. I know it... I just know it! And if I let him do it, then he's going to want to do more! And I really can't blame him. After all, I did invite him up to my apartment. I am sitting on this sofa next to him. So I guess the circumstances are ripe for what he has in mind. Circumstances that I created!
She felt his hand crawl across the back of the sofa and then drop with apparent carelessness onto her shoulder. Her body tensed at the touch and she tried to ignore it They sat that way for a few moments and then encouraged by the initial success, Alan tightened the grip of his fingers and tried to bring Gloria in closer to him. Her body stiffened under the pressure and at first she resisted.
Don't do any more! Please don't go any further! I don't want you to go any further. I don't know what I'll do if you insist!
And Alan insisted...
His hand kept pulling at her and slowly her resistance crumbled and she allowed herself to be drawn into the cave of his arm. She cringed at the touch of her hip and thigh against his and then in apparent confusion, drank quickly from the glass.
"This is nice," he murmured, as his lips brushed against her hair. Her body became rigid at the touch of his lips and because she didn't know what else to do she continued to drink rapidly from the glass.
Suddenly it was empty.
"Here, let me take care of that for you," he said eagerly as he took the glass from her stiff fingers. Then he placed it on the coffee table at the side of the sofa along with his own before turning to face her again. He was smiling warmly at her as he took her hand in his...
"Like I said, this is nice... very nice." Gloria managed a weak smile of agreement and then bowed her head. His fingers under her chin lifted her face and she felt him turning her so that they were looking at each other. Then he lowered his head and his lips were on hers.
Her body trembled under the sensation of the kiss and her hands pushed against his chest in resistance. Alan pulled his mouth away from hers and looked at her in surprise.
"What's the matter? Anything wrong?"
Gloria wanted to scream at him... to beat her fists against his chest... but she didn't have the nerve. And so she sat there mutely and quietly shook her head.
"Good!" he said happily. "For a moment there I thought you didn't want this."
And once again he bent his face and his lips and mouth sought hers.
This time her resistance was weak. Almost non-existent. And she tried to give herself to the kiss. Their lips worked against each other and then she felt the fork of his tongue piercing into her mouth. Once again she quivered in resistance and then as the sensation tickled at her senses, she felt the resistance diminish and then fade away into nothingness. Then she began to respond.
This time she was the aggressor. Her lips and tongue worked and slid against his mouth with an insistence borne of a promise of more to come. More to happen. And as his arms tightened about her, pulling her even closer into him, her body began to float with the release of the weight of pent-up emotions.
It's been a long time since a man kissed me. Since - since that night on the beach with Johnny. That's too long! A woman like me shouldn't have to go without kisses... I like them... I want them... I need them!
Now her mouth was a hungry thing, sucking the desire out of him. It was as if her lips were trying to envelop him and her tongue was trying to spear him. And as he twisted to bring her in even closer, she could feel his quivering response against her body. And as his response hardened into desire, she suddenly realized the path she had taken. And what would happen at the end of that path.
So, in fright more than anything else, she suddenly pushed away from him.
They looked at each other, breathing deeply, and it was then that he reached behind her and turned out the lamp that offered the only light in the room. And there in the darkness, he reached for her again. And once again her lips and her mouth and her tongue responded.
Then, through the heavy cloth of the house coat, she felt his hands on her breasts.
She whimpered with the sensation and then with fright, pushed him away. But she had gone too far now and he quickly overcame her resistance. Once again his hands found her breasts and gently caressed them through the material.
"Don't Alan... oh, don't!" she pleaded softly- But it was as if he didn't even hear her. For now his hands were demanding and pressuring against her. His fingers pulled at her nipples and through the brassiere, she could feel them erecting into hardness. She was breathing rapidly now, in pace with the rising passion that was mounting within her.
"NO! No! No!" she whispered into his throat, with the touch of his fingers at the top of her zipper.
Then she felt the tug of it down the full length of the house coat and she moaned with the excitement of it. She was aware of him pulling it off over her arms and shoulders and then she was twisting free of the garment.
Then gently but firmly he was pushing her back down onto the sofa.
Oh no! No! I shouldn't let him do this to me! It shouldn't be him... it should be Johnny! I should be giving myself to Johnny... but Johnny's dead now! I can't give myself to Johnny. But I've got to do it with somebody... I've got to! I've got to! Hungrily his eyes devoured her as she lay there clad only in the brassiere and panties. Then his hands and fingers were roaming and caressing and probing and she began to twist and writhe as the sensations penetrated under her flesh in tiny explosions. Her body became bathed in her own perspiration and her breathing deepened with the exertion brought on by her passion. She felt him sprawl across her and she delighted in the crush of his weight against her. Then she began to writhe and twist under him, as if seeking by the friction of their bodies to ignite the flame that was now threatening to consume her.
Savagely, he unhooked the brassiere and pulled it from her breasts. She winced and moaned at the touch of his mouth and lips on the rounded orbs. Then she arched thrusting her back as if seeking to enjoy even more of the pleasure. He lifted his face and trailed moist kisses down the length of her twisting torso. Gloria winced with the delight of his teeth nibbling small nips out of her skin and she cried out in explosive sounds of agony.
"Oh, good! Good... good... good!"
Then she quivered with the feel of his thumbs hooking into the elastic band of her panties. She shivered as the sensation of silk scraped down over her hips and thighs. And then her legs were kicking the garment free. Dimly she was aware of her nakedness... aware of his hands and fingers stroking and petting it... aware of his mouth and lips and tongue kissing and caressing it. She was only dimly aware because her mind was whirlpooling into widening orbits of delight. And the pleasure mounted higher and higher.
Her hair was plastered to her forehead and her head was twisting from side to side when she realized he was undressing. Then the pressure of his knees was spreading her thighs and she was arching her buttocks and thrusting her hips to greet him.
The first touch was like a red hot poker that seared and burned. And the sting of pain destroyed and doused the licking flame of passion. For when she was aware of what was happening, the fires went out...
"No! No! No! I don't want you!" she screamed up at him and then twisted her body free.
He stared down at her in disbelief. Stared down at the body that was twisting and writhing, not in surrender and passion but in fear and in fright.
"What do you mean you don't want me!" he demanded.
"I can't do it! Not with you! Not with anybody!"
She pushed out from under him and sat up on the sofa. Her body was still quivering and shaking as she hurriedly picked up the house coat and used it as a blanket to cover her nakedness.
Alan continued to stare at her in disbelief.
"What kind of a girl are you anyway?" he demanded. "You're nothing but a damn teaser! You get me all hot and bothered and then you leave me like this! And you think you can get away with it!"
Gloria didn't answer but sat there mutely on the sofa, shaking under the lashing of his tirade. She had no defense that he would accept and she knew it. No explanation that he would understand.
His anger suddenly exploded and he slapped her hard across the face. "Bitch! Lead a man on like you do and then take it away from him! Women like you ought to be locked up! You're no damn good to anyone!" Then he slapped her hard again.
She sat as before, stiff and mute with eyes closed listening to the sounds of Alan dressing. She didn't open her eyes and the tension didn't drain from her body until she heard the sound of the front door slamming. Then she lost control and her body wracked in deep heaving sobs of hysteria.
"He's right! He's right! I am no good for any man! First it was Johnny. And now him! Maybe I should be locked up for doing what I do to men. Maybe that's all I'll ever do to them... hurt and destroy them!"
Then, still sobbing hysterically, she threw herself down onto the sofa. The house coat slipped from her body and she lay there naked. Then suddenly as a thought flashed through her mind, she stopped crying and lifted her face. Rolling over onto her back, she stared down at her naked body. At the rounded swollen breasts and the hard nipples. At the up and down pulsing of her belly. At the throbbing firm white thighs. A contorted look gave her a maniacal expression and then savagely she began to beat at herself with her tiny clenched fist.
I hate you... I hate you... I hate you! she screamed in frustration. Then suddenly, like a balloon with the air let out, she sagged exhausted and limp back onto the sofa. And defeated...
CHAPTER FIVE
"I hear you're supposed to be quite a lover!" the blonde girl said with a suggestive smile as she looked at him. Timmy swallowed nervously and neither confirmed nor denied the statement "Where did you hear that?" he asked with a slight tremor in his voice.
She laughed gaily, and then shook her head, bouncing the blonde curls in quick tight waves. "Oh, word like that gets around... a reputation like that is hard to get away from!"
Timmy knew where she had heard the statement. From his roommate. That was the only place that it could have come from. Time and again he had tried to draw Timmy out about his experiences with girls, and each time Timmy had evaded the question. But his evasion had never been in the form of a denial. It had always been accompanied with a mysterious smile and a knowing shake of his head... as if Timmy didn't want to speak of his many conquests. After all, a true man of the world doesn't brag about his powers with women. He doesn't have to. That was the impression his roommate had gotten and now the reputation had been spread around. Never mind if it was true enough, there were always people who were willing to believe anything...
Take this girl... the tiny blonde. A waitress in the commissary where the students ate, she was always deluged with offers for dates. But she had always been very choosy... she could afford to be when there were ten boys for every girl. And that's why Timmy had become so flustered when she had asked him to take her out! It hadn't been quite that obvious... more of a suggestion that since he was a stranger in the area... new to the school... maybe he would like some company to show him around on a Sunday afternoon... !
And eagerly he had accepted her offer. Ever since the first time she had ever waited on him, he had wondered how he would ever get up enough nerve to ask her out. Actually he couldn't take his mind off her. Furtively, his eyes would follow her around the dining hall, watching the sway of her buttocks under the white starched uniform as she moved. Noting the bulge of her breasts as she bent over the table. And those full lush red moist lips... oh how he had wanted to kiss them! And so with pretended nonchalance, he had accepted her offer, wondering why she had even suggested it. Why she had selected him when she could have had a choice of any boy in the school...
Now the answer was obvious. It was because of a supposed reputation as a lover. But Timmy didn't care why, all he knew was that he was walking hand in hand with a very desirable girl in the wooded area behind the campus. And his contentment knew no bounds for this is what he had envisioned ever since his arrival at the school. Of course, an occasional tremor of nervousness and excitement stitched its way through his body as he struggled with the problem of how to make the first overture. For that's what he really wanted to do. Not walk hand in hand listening to her incessant chatter about trees and birds and wild life, but to lie down on the long cool grass and caress her body with his hands and fingers... feel her respond to his touch and his kisses... and maybe - maybe - this would be the time when he would finally make the leap from boyhood to manhood. But how to go about it? This was the problem he nervously toyed with as they walked... She solved it for him.
Solved it, by suddenly stopping and turning to face him. There was a provocative expression to her mouth when she asked, "Well, are you such a great lover?"
Tommy licked his lips nervously and studied her face. Now why should she ask me a question like that? he thought to himself. What difference should it make to her? Unless... unless... !
He studied her more carefully now, aware of a possibility that his inexperienced mind had never thought of. He noted her shallow breathing as she watched him. Her half-opened mouth and the tip of her pink tongue occasionally brushing against those red lush lips. He noticed the way her full ripe breasts seemed to push against the softness of the pink sweater. Then as he became aware of her nipples protruding against the sweater and he realized that she wasn't wearing a brassiere! His eyes swept down to the flesh hugging capri pants that seemed to mold around her hips and thighs and buttocks. And it was then that he accepted the obvious...
She can be had! She wants to make love! She wants me! Never about that phony reputation, she still wants me! It's - it's - going to happen... finally, it's going to happen!
Timmy then performed the first aggressive act he had ever committed in relation to a girl. Pulling her toward him, he kissed her. She came into his arms eagerly, and her mouth opened wide and inviting at the touch of his lips. He shivered with the sensation caused by the slippery tongue easing in and out and around his lips, and then hastily drew away from her.
She was smiling up happily at him and waiting for his next move.
From some hidden source, he tapped the well of courage. "Do you... do you... want to find out more about that reputation?" he asked hurriedly.
His eyes closed in relieved response to her reaction. All the little blonde girl did was slowly nod her head up and down.
Unable to control himself, Timmy grabbed tightly onto her hand and pulled her rapidly toward a grove of bushes and underbrush that would hide them from the view of the campus. There was excitement in her touch as she allowed herself to be led into the small clearing. Then, not really knowing what to do next, he turned to face her.
"I like a man who knows what he wants!" she said huskily. And then she stepped closer to him.
Clumsily his arms went around her body and he drew her in tight against him. Once again their mouths and lips met and parted and once again he felt the sting of sensation spout electric shocks through him. Finally he lifted his face and the girl, shuddering in delight, moved closer into his embrace and rested her face on his chest. Clumsily, his hands on her shoulders drew her down into the deep grass. They lay there, locked in the embrace, with Timmy feeling and sensing the quiet quivers of excitement that ran through her body.
Then gingerly and delicately he brushed his hands across her breasts. She moaned and rolled over onto her back and looked at him. The look was inviting... was one of surrender.
Still surprised with his initial success, Timmy, with a soft cry took her breasts in his hands. He thrilled to the feel of the quivering flesh. So soft and yet so firm. So delicate and so lovely. Then, almost as if he were afraid not to, his hands crawled under her sweater. And he cupped the naked flesh in his palms. His eyes closed because of the suffocation of the delight as he felt her nipples hardening under his fingers. He shivered at the sounds of the small whimpers that escaped from her still partially-opened mouth and then slowly and carefully he tugged the sweater up to her shoulders.
Eyes glazed, he stared down at her naked and twisting torso. Then, almost with a desperate cry, his head dropped and his mouth was seeking the delicious taste of her breasts. He was aware of her hands on his face, pushing him even harder against her. His eyes clenched closed with the sensation and he could feel the beginnings of the slow curl of desire within his loins.
Then he heard the soft sound of the tug of a zipper and it caused him to lift his head. He looked down and watched her struggling her way out of the tight capri pants. His mouth opened in surprise as she twisted and writhed her way free of the pale blue outfit and then a sudden explosive gasp escaped from his lips. For that's all she had on. No panties... nothing else... her now naked body gleamed up at him and she held her arms out invitingly.
Timmy had never seen a completely naked girl before, and his reaction to her body was for the curl of desire to straighten and harden.
Gingerly, almost suspiciously, he reached out and tentatively touched her thighs. So soft. So creamy. His hand felt singed at the touch. The girl quivered and shook as his fingers began to crawl back and forth, stroking her gently.
"Come on, lover man! Give it to me! You got me so hot, I can't wait anymore! Give it to me!"
His fingers drew away from her quivering flesh as if they had been burned and he felt the hardness of his desire suddenly begin to diminish and fade. It was the crudeness of her words that did it. The demands of her flesh. For this wasn't what he had expected... not at all.
It's not what I thought it would be like. She's so... so... so like an animal! She doesn't want me... she just wants me to satisfy her! Just like I don't really want her... not this girl... she doesn't mean anything to me! We just would be satisfying ourselves, that's all. The only thing it would mean would be that I could talk about it in those bull sessions! And she could say... could say... that she's been... been loved... by another man. But that's not what sex is supposed to mean... I don't know what's it supposed to mean, but I know this isn't it! This is - this is... dirty!
It was then that he really looked at the small blonde girl laying naked in deep grass at his knees. Saw that her hair wasn't really blonde after all, the darkness at the roots was showing through in tiny streaks. Saw the rough chapped hands and the broken finger nails. Saw the small roll of fat under her belly. The elastic imprint of the elastic waist of the capri pants across her hips. And suddenly he was repulsed. For he knew that if he had had the choice, he would never have dated this girl. His only reason was his loneliness. And the ever gnawing desire to lose his virginity...
"Come on, lover boy... you've looked enough... now's the time for some action!" she interrupted his thoughts. And then she reached for him.
Timmy quivered in repulsion at her touch but offered no resistance He thought about how to escape... how to get back to the security of his own room... and because of it, his desire lay dead within him.
"What's the matter honey, don't I do anything to you?" she said with a harsh laugh.
"Maybe you need more than that to get going!"
Trance-like, Jimmy watched the girl lift herself on one elbow and then felt the tug of her hand at his pants. Her hand felt cold and clammy when it touched him and he shivered. Then, almost as if he was powerless to resist, he watched her lower her face. Her touch seemed to make him gag as the repulsion caught in his throat. His eyes were wide with horror and disgust as he savagely pushed her away from him. "No! No! No! Don't do that! Don't do that! Don't touch me!"
She looked at him in disbelief and then laughingly lay back down in the grass, pillowing her head on her hands behind her neck. "What's the matter, lover man? You want to have all the fun? Well, go ahead... I'm waiting!"
Then, with deliberate movements, she spread her thighs and arched her hips and buttocks toward him.
Timmy looked down at her and swallowed deeply. Then he looked away. Something made him look away. Something that tore at his insides and turned desire into disgust. "No!" he whispered "I... I... can't! I... I... just... can't do... it!" Then still on his knees at her side, he sobbed with his face in his hands.
Once again disbelief tracked it's expression across her face. Once again she sat up on her elbow and looked at him. "What the...
what do you mean, you don't want me!" she demanded.
Timmy, his face still in his hands, shook his head from side to side with despair. "It's true... I don't know why it's true, but it is... I don't - don't want you! I can't... can't do it with you!"
She reached toward him and touched him again and saw the truth of his words. The shock turned to anger, because she had interpreted the depth of his desire as a personal insult It was the first time in her life that a man had failed to respond to her and her reaction was immediate and vicious.
"Some reputation! It takes a woman to find out the truth about a man! And you're no man... you're a... you're a... " her mind searched quickly for a definition that would not only hurt him, but also rebuild her faith in herself and her ability as a woman. There was an evil smile on her face when she found the word. "You're nothing but a... a queer!"
That had to be the reason in her mind... why else would he fail to desire her? Hadn't she always been desirable? There wasn't a boy on the campus that she couldn't have merely by wriggling her hips and jiggling her breasts and she knew it. So that had to be the reason for Timmy's failure. It was the only one she could think of. When people's pride and ego are hurt the first reaction is to lash out and not to look into themselves for the possible cause. And so she had lashed out in defense of her own womanness, her own... her own femininity.
Timmy stayed on his knees, his face still buried in his hands, small sobs tracking across his shoulders while she dressed. There was contempt on her face as she looked down at him. Now convinced of her own explanation for their failure, she snarled down at him, "you don't have to worry about your reputation, lover boy, I won't say a word about what happened up here! I can't afford to let anyone think that I went out with a queer!"
Timmy didn't move until he heard the sound of her tramping out of the clearing. He looked up when silence spread its comforting blanket. Straightening his clothes, he stood up and with a forlorn expression on his face, looked down at the deep grass that still bore the imprint from her body. "Maybe... maybe she's right... maybe I am queer!" Then savagely he shook his head in self-denial. "No, No! I'm not... I'm not! It's just that I need... that I need... someone different than her. Someone... someone... oh, I don't know what kind of a someone! But I know I'm not queer! I'm sure of that!"
But she had planted the seeds of doubt and the roots of possibility began to gnaw at his in-sides as he walked out of the clearing and headed back toward the campus...
CHAPTER SIX
From his seat in the front row, Timmy stared at Gloria as if she were the last woman on earth.
Though he knew his obvious admiration was apparent to his friends, he made no attempt to conceal his interest in his teacher. Two days had passed since the degrading experience with the waitress. Two days in which he suffered the fear of the ridicule of exposure. Two days in which he waited for the cutting remarks of his schoolmates. But apparently the girl had lived up to her promise for no one said a word to him about what had happened in the clearing behind the campus. So it was apparent to him that they didn't know anything about it.
But the two days gave him time to think. Time to think of why he had failed to respond to the voluptuous body that had been offered to him. Though he wasn't sure why, he knew he needed more than just a female body. He needed a girl that fitted his image of what a girl should be And the only one in his immediate environment that filled his requirements was his history teacher. And so no longer caring about the ridiculing smirks of his friends, he continued to stare at her with obvious desire in his face.
Gloria was aware of the meaning behind the expression in Timmy's face. She had seen it too many times before to misinterpret it And on this particular day, as she tried to concentrate on teaching, it bothered her even more than it should have. For on this particular day, Gloria was not relating the expression of Timmy's face to the hungry needs of the boy, she was relating it to herself. For after what had happened with Alan Courtney, Gloria's own self-esteem and satisfaction were of more concern to her than of the young man entering manhood...
But his constant stare made her nervous. And also made her aware of herself in relation to him. For the feeling regarding Timmy had been growing within her. Changing from the desire to relate to him solely as his teacher to one of awareness of him as a man. There was something about this boy that appealed to her. Something had made him more than just another face in her classroom. Something that made it impossible to ignore him...
He's still looking at me, she thought to herself as she wrote the next day's lesson on the blackboard. I can feel his eyes boring into me, but why does he look at me like that? None of the other kids do. Oh, they all think of me as being very sexy, but that's normal for kids that age. And I'm sure every one of them has imagined being in bed with me... but that's as far as they let their imagination go. But not this one. Not Timmy. And somehow I don't think he thinks of me in that way at all. There's something else in his expression... he isn't out for a fast roll in the hay. He wants more from me than that... but I can't figure out what it is... It's a good thing I can't figure out what it is, because after what happened with Alan Courtney, I couldn't deliver anyway!
It was then that some of the other boys in the class became aware of what was going on between Timmy and Gloria. They smirked and giggled and passed notes back and forth. And from their expressions, they left no doubt either in Gloria's or Timmy's mind what they were thinking. But it didn't matter to either one of them. At that point and time, each one desperate for something, they could care less about the reactions of others...
Let them think what they want, Timmy thought to himself. It isn't true anyway. Not with a girl like that. But she doesn't even know I exist... to her I'm just another student. And I guess that's the way it will always be!
But why am I so attracted to her! And what do I really want from her?
Confusion spread across his face and he bit at his lips in embarrassment as his eyes locked with Gloria's. It was as if he were afraid that she had been reading his thoughts.
He's so shy... so very shy. Look at him... embarrassed... unsure of himself... I j know... I know what part of the appeal is... he reminds me so much of Johnny! The same sweet shyness... the same expression on his face... even some of Johnny's habits... Like the nervous way he runs his fingers I through his hair. If I didn't know any different, I'd think I was looking at Johnny when he was Timmy's age. But there's more to it than that, I know it! There's more to his just looking like Johnny.
There's something about him that makes me want to reach out to him and protect him. He seems so young... so inexperienced... it's like I didn't want life to hurt him... like I : wanted to shelter him. But what do I want to protect him from? I'm not his mother... and I certainly don't want to be his lover! As a matter of fact, I guess I don't want to be anybody's lover... because - because - I know I can't be! The way I feel now, I doubt if I could ever give myself to a man again! My experience with Alan Courtney should have convinced me of that! And yet I feel like I want to... I feel like I have to! That's what a woman's for, isn't it? To give herself to a man... to share her body with him! And yet I can't do it... even though I want to, I can't!
The dismissal bell rang at that moment, and finally free of the burden of the classroom, the boys tumbled happily through the door. Gloria sat at her desk, relieved that they were going, and waited with eyes closed until she felt the last one had gone. Then wearily she opened her eyes and looked around the classroom into the face of the boy seated at the front desk in the row to her left...
She gave a startled cry of surprise at his presence and then their eyes locked and they stared at each other. They both wanted to say something... to reach out to each other... but the wall of being student and teacher stood between them. And at that moment, neither one of them knew how to break down that wall.
With a sigh, Timmy finally pulled himself out from behind his desk, and tucking his books under his arm, walked slowly toward the door. He stopped and gave her one last lingering look. There was a longing in it and he shuddered in despair. Then his fear overcame his need and he quickly went out of the classroom and down the hall toward the open front door of the building.
Gloria stayed seated at her desk, staring at the spot where Timmy had been standing. She had read the need in his face and it had caused a quiver of sensation to worm it's way through her body. There was sadness in her voice as she spoke to the now empty and silent room. "What can I do for him? What does he need?" Then her thoughts spun away from Timmy and circled in on herself. There was a tinge of hysteria to the despair as she continued to speak. "But who'll do something for me... I need someone to do something for me!"
Then, still seated at her desk, she laid her head gently down on her arms and began to sob quietly...
CHAPTER SEVEN
The colored girl in the French maid's uniform opened the door cautiously and then smiled at the sight of the four boys. She ushered them into the house with a regal bow and motioned for them to follow her. Laughing nervously, they seated themselves on the sofa that she had indicated and looked at her expectantly.
"The Madam will be down in a minute," she said gaily. "Just make yourselves comfortable." Then she disappeared through the beaded curtain and they grinned self-consciously at each other in nervous embarrassment.
When they had started for the whore house, they had been filled with confidence and enthusiasm. But now that the image was an actuality... a reality... their nervousness and lack of confidence came into play. With false bravado they talked wildly between themselves boasting of what they were going to do and how they were going to do it when the opportunity finally presented itself. They didn't really listen to each other because each was trying to out do the other in the loud boasting of their sexual ability and prowess. They were trying to convince each other that this was old hat to them... just another experience in being a man. But deep down inside each of them the nervousness was bubbling and seething and if the opportunity to flee would have presented itself, they knew they would have seized it None of them really wanted to be there, but they had gone too far so they couldn't back out. To do so would be to lose face. To be less of a man than they thought they were... than they hoped that the others pictured them.
And so they sat huddled together on the sofa and while they waited for the Madam to make her appearance, they boisterously and nervously laughed when there was really nothing to laugh at. It was like each of them was waiting for the Warden to appear with the note of reprieve from the Governor. For deep down inside they knew there would be no reprieve. They knew they would have to go through-with the escapade borne over a few bottles of beer...
What am I doing here? Timmy thought nervously to himself, shifting to the far end of the sofa. I really didn't want to come with them, but I couldn't back out. How could I say no? What would they think? But I don't want to go through with it!
Then it was too late for him to change his mind for the Madam was pushing her way through the beaded curtain followed by four girls. The boys seemed to leap up from the sofa as if propelled, and then they stood nervously twisting their hands in front of them while they waited for the woman to speak. Looking them over carefully, she smiled broadly and then motioned at the girls who were waiting nonchalantly by the curtain.
"There they are boys... ready, willing, and able!" she laughed harshly "Just take your pick!"
The boys grinned shyly at each other, scuffling from foot to foot, and then with a courage borne of despair, one by one they stepped forward and selected a girl.
Timmy hung back, blushing slightly at the sound of their enthusiastic laughter as arms around the whores, they gaily went up the stairs. The remaining girl looked at him with a wry smile on her face.
"What's the matter, won't I do?" she slurred at him.
His face reddened as he looked at her. She was tall and thin. Almost gaunt. Her sallow complexion and the long strands of stringy black hair made her seem dirty to him. Like she needed a bath. The bathrobe was spotted with food and coffee stains, hung limply from her small shoulders and lay partially open down the length of her body. She moved toward him and Timmy blushed at the sight of the nubby breasts. They were small and ill-formed, and he looked at them with distaste The Madam, apparently sensing his displeasure pushed him toward the girl saying, "Don't worry about how she looks, Sonny... when Trixie goes to work on you, you'll forget about that! Whatever you want, she'll do to you!"
He wanted to say no and wildly he thought of handing her the money and then fleeing out into the night. But then the girl had a firm grip on his hand and was pressuring him toward the staircase.
"Just relax, baby," she was laughing. "Just relax and enjoy it."
How can I enjoy it with her! She's - she's -dirty! She smells! But maybe - maybe you're not supposed to enjoy it... maybe it's just something men and women have to do. So I guess the best way to begin... to learn... is from someone like her! She's had so many men... so many... that it won't make any difference to her if I'm any good or not! Be sides, she'll show me... show me... what I have to do...
Each thought seemed to weight him down as he went up the stairs, until by the time he reached the landing he was slowly dragging his feet. Reluctantly, he stopped and watched Trixie walk ahead of him to one of the many doors off the hall. She pushed it open and beckoned to him with a smile "Come on, boy... I'm not going to hurt you! Come on in and let's get it over with!"
The coldness of her words and expression seemed to coat his throat with chalk and he had difficulty swallowing. Then, with a deep sigh, he followed her into the room.
It was small. Postage-stamp small. And the bed in its center stood out like a hideous rash on a girl's face. You didn't want to look at it, but you couldn't keep your eyes averted. The only other piece of furniture in the room was a single chair on which several dingy towels lay carelessly folded.
Timmy leaned against the closed door and watched Trixie who had sat down on the edge of the bed. With a twitch of her shoulders, she shrugged the bathrobe from her body and then sprawled herself out on top of the gray-white sheet. She smiled eagerly at him and her hands beckoned for him to join her.
"Come on, big boy! I'm waiting! Here's the merchandise... come and get your sample!"
Timmy stayed frozen to the door, his eyes wide as he looked down at Trixie. Her naked body seemed even more gaunt then he had envisioned. Tall and thin, there were no curves or arcs or gently swelling bulges to her. She was all sharp angles and hard planes. There was nothing seductive, nothing desirable about her. He felt as if he wasn't even looking at a woman. But at someone who had no sex. Who was neuter. She lifted up her arms in open invitation and he shuddered at the sight of the black stubble of hair under her arm pits. If he had had any desire, it died right at that moment.
With a sigh, Trixie sat up on the side of the bed and looked at him. "What's the matter, sonny? Too scared to do anything?" she asked. "Maybe you want me to do it all?"
She took his lack of an answer for agreement and heaving her body off the bed, she padded toward him. Timmy seemed to cringe against the door as she came closer. Then her hands snaked around his neck and she was drawing his mouth down to hers. He shuddered at the feel of her cold lips and she mistook the reaction for the first sign of passion. Then her tongue forced its way between his lips and she tried to suck the passion out of him.
He felt as if he was being kissed by a tarantula.
Desperately, he pulled his face away from hers and then so as not to allow her to kiss him again, he pulled her in close to him. Her hands dropped from around his neck and seemed to claw at his as she pushed them up between their bodies until they were resting on the nubs of her breasts.
Then slowly she gyrated her torso into him. The feel of her flesh in his palms was rough and coarse, and he felt as if he were handling sand paper. The nipples hardened between his finger tips and he cringed at the aroma of garlic on her breath as she whispered into his face, "That's it, sonny. Now you're getting the idea! That's good... I like that... now I want you to like it, too!"
Her hands dropped away from his like stone weights and he could feel the talon-like fingers clawing and pulling at his clothes. Then she touched him and he shuddered repulsively.
Got to do it! Got to go through with it! Even though... even though... I can't stand her! Still got to let it happen... got to make it happen!
And so rigidly, he let her undress him.
Her hands crawled over his body and he shivered and recoiled at her touch. Then she was leading him to the bed and he permitted the whore to draw him down to the dingy sheets. He closed his eyes to shut out the sight of the water-stained ceiling and he tried to imagine another face... another body... hovering over him. His knees drew up as if in defense as he felt the touch of her hands on his legs. Then she seemed to be slithering down the length of his torso and spreading his thighs with her palms. "Come on, baby," she was whispering. "Come on... let's see what you've got! Let's see what you got!"
But he had nothing.
He felt the shift of her weight as she moved her body in surprise at his lack of response Then she was doing every thing to him that she had ever learned. Every stroke, every caress, every touch that was designed to arouse and to thrill a man...
But there was no thrill to Timmy. There was no rising of passion within him. There was nothing. There was only the tightening and restriction of his ability to respond. His eyes snapped opened when he felt the weight of her shift off the bed. She was standing at the edge, her hands on her hips as she angrily looked down at him.
"What's the matter, big boy... don't you like women!"
I don't know! I don't know! You're not a woman... you're a... you're a thing! That's why I don't know... I've never had a woman! But I don't like you... I don't want you!
And so, in response to his own thoughts, he shook his head slowly back and forth on the pillow. The whore surprised by his answer, looked at him and burst out laughing hysterically.
"Well that beats everything! I've had all kinds of men... even perverts... some of them wanted me to do things you wouldn't believe... but I've never had a queer before!"
She was still laughing hysterically as she flung open the door and she shouted down the hall to the Madam. "Hey Maude!" she screamed, "Next time you fix me up, better check the guy out to see if he's straight or not! This kid's as queer as a three dollar bill!"
Timmy's eyes clenched closed with the shock and the shame of her statement Blindly he stumbled from the bed and dressed himself. His only thought was to escape... to flee... to get out into the clean fresh air...
I don't know what I'll do if the other guys heard her. Because even if it's true or not, they'll believe it! And now I don't even know if it isn't true! Oh, please make it so that they didn't hear it... please make it so that they didn't hear it!
CHAPTER EIGHT
But they had heard it "Do you really think Timmy's queer!" his blonde roommate asked incredulously as Gloria walked by the group of boys on her way to the classroom.
"Well, you heard what that whore said... " the voice faded away as she walked down the long hall toward the history room. Her back was straight and still as if pinned into position by the darts of the words. She shook her head in disbelief as she went into the room.
"Queer?" she said softly. "Timmy? No... it's not true... it can't be true. Not him!"
But the doubt was still in her mind as she watched the boys file into the room and take their places. With pretended casualness, she watched for Timmy for she was afraid that he might not show up. Then, just before the warning bell rang, he eased through the door and quickly took his seat in the front row. Hurriedly he opened a book and buried his face in it.
Gloria watched him out of the corner of her eyes, aware that he was trying to hide behind the covers of the book. Once he looked up at her and she caught the tight pinch of fear around his eyes. She felt saddened at the unhappy expression on his face and quickly turned away from him so that he couldn't see her reaction.
So much like Johnny, she thought to herself. He can't even hide his unhappiness... that's the way Johnny used to look when something was bothering him. All tense and tight, like he was ready to explode. Maybe it's true what the other said about him being queer. Maybe that's what's been bothering him all these weeks. It's even affected his grades. He doesn't know it yet, but if he keeps on like this I'll have to fail him! And he's a good student... I know he is! So it's not that he doesn't know the work or that he can't learn, it's something else! Something that seems to be tearing him apart. What should I do? I'm only his teacher, not his mother! But as his teacher I should be doing something for him... helping him. Yes, that's it... I've got to help him... but how... how?
Throughout the morning's recitations her mind worked with the problem of what to do for the obviously suffering Timmy. Her mind wasn't really on the efforts of the students, it was concerned with the plight of the suffering boy in the front row.
I've got to talk to him... find out what's wrong. What's bothering him. But I can't do it here... not in a classroom. Then it's too much like teacher and student. I've got to make him feel like I'm... like I'm his friend! Got to get him to relax so that he'll tell me what's really wrong. But how do I do that... how do I help him forget that I'm his teacher.
The answer came to her just before the bell sounded dismissing the class. Hurriedly she walked over to the front of his desk and stood there. Timmy buried his face deeper into the book trying to ignore her presence, but finally, aware that she wouldn't go away, he looked up. She smiled at him and he smiled back weakly, wondering what she wanted.
"Timmy," she said softly, "I want you to stay after class for a few minutes. There's something I want to talk to you about."
He nodded his head in agreement and then quickly averted his eyes back to the blurred pages in front of him. He was aware of the boys seated near him who had overheard Gloria and he was too ashamed to look at them. He only hoped that the bell would ring soon so that he wouldn't have to face them. The class buzzed on about him and Gloria aware of his embarrassment, focused the attention of the other students on herself as she walked to the far end of the room. She knew they loved to watch her walk, and this time she deliberately emphasized the bounce of her buttocks under her wide skirt, so as to maintain their attention. Her back to the class, she smiled at the sound of a low wolf whistle at the rear of the room. Then with pretended anger on her face, she turned to face them. But the bell rang before she could say anything and like a pack of wild horses they stampeded from the room.
Except Timmy, who sat quietly and alone at his desk. He slouched down deep in his chair giving the impression of having shrunk in size Gloria waited until the last boy had left and then walking quietly over to the door, closed and locked it. The sound of the click seemed to jolt Timmy back into animation and he straightened up in his seat Gloria still at the door turned to face him.
"Do you know what I want to talk to you about? Timmy?" she asked.
He shook his head.
"Your grades. If you don't do something about your grades, I'm going to have to fail you."
He didn't say anything.
"I don't want to fail you, Timmy. You're too good a student" He sat listlessly, apparently uninterested in what she was saying.
"I've talked to some of your other teachers, Timmy... you're on the verge of failing two other classes." He shrugged dully.
"Don't you know what that means? If you fail three courses they'll flunk you out of school!"
He didn't know that and a slight tinge of fear washed across his face Now that the threat had been poised he seemed to stiffen in his seat with renewed interest "And you don't have to fail my course... there's still time for you to make up those papers you didn't hand in."
Imperceptivity he nodded his head and she smiled at the first indication of determination in his face "You want to pass, don't you?"
He nodded again and this time his back was a little straighter. And the look on his face was a little more determined.
"Good!" Then she thought of an alternative that would make his task a little easier. "Tell you what I'll do, Timmy," she said walking over to his desk, "instead of having you make up all that extra work, why don't I just give you a makeup examination next Monday. If you pass that, then I'll give you a passing grade Is it a deal?"
He started to say yes and then he groaned desperately. The sound seemed to wrench at Gloria's soul. "What's the matter, Timmy?" she asked hurriedly. "What's wrong?"
"I - I could never pass a make up examination... I haven't looked at a book in weeks! I- I haven't done any of the assignments and there isn't time between now and Monday to get ready for a test!"
Gloria's shoulders sagged in defeat. He looks so helpless, she thought to herself. Like - like he's all alone in the whole world! That's the way Johnny used to look sometimes. And I never could help Johnny at those moments, but I've got to help this boy... I've just got to. I can't let him fail... I won't let him fail!
"Timmy, if I... if I... tutored you myself, then you could pass, couldn't you?"
He looked at her without understanding what she was driving at.
"I suppose so... if I had some extra help, then I know I could pass!" he said with determination.
"Okay then I'll give you extra help! I'll tutor you myself!"
He was sitting up straight now, his determination stiffened by her concern for him. "Where? When?" he asked in a low voice.
The answer came out before she could stop it.
"At my apartment. I want you to come to my apartment tomorrow night at eight o'clock and I'll - I'll help you!"
They stared at each other then. Each shocked by the implication of what Gloria had just said. For they both knew that teachers did not invite students to their apartments at eight o'clock in the evening for tutoring.
Why does she want me to come to her apartment? Timmy thought to himself. Why can't she tutor me here in the classroom at the end of the day? But - but why should I care... I've - I've always wanted to be alone with her... find out what she's really like... and now this is my chance! This is my chance!
Why did I say that to him? Why did I invite him to my apartment? Sure I want to help him... want to see him pass... but why am I doing it this way? What do I really want from this boy? Do I really want to help him... or is it because... because... I want him to help me!
The discussion between them obviously over, Timmy rose from his seat and walked toward the door.
Gloria watched him go and as he opened it she said in a small voice, "And Timmy, don't forget - don't forget to bring your books... "
CHAPTER NINE
Later that night, Gloria knocked on the door to Alan Courtney's apartment.
I've got to do this! I've just got to! I don't care what anybody thinks, I've got to find out the truth about myself once and for all! I've really got to know if I'm a woman or not! And this is the only way I'll find out... with a man!
She had been thinking about it for weeks. Ever since her failure to respond to Alan Courtney. For deep down inside Gloria was aware of her desires and of her needs and yet something was preventing her from responding. She didn't know what it was... maybe fear... maybe anything. But she had to find out And though she had waited eagerly for Alan to ask her out again, she was not surprised when he had failed to do so. Though still friendly in spite of what had happened in her apartment he avoided any conversation with her other than that which pertained to the school. Even though she had dropped several hints about wanting to go out with him again, either he had been blind to them, or had purposely ignored them. And so after many struggles within herself, she decided to take the initiative. If he wouldn't come to her, she would go to him.
The door opened just as she was beginning to walk away. Alan looked at his watch and then at Gloria in surprise. "It's late," he said hurriedly, "what are you doing here? Is anything wrong?"
Gloria managed a smile and pretended gaiety with her answer. "No, Alan, nothing's wrong. Aren't you going to be a gentleman and invite a girl in?"
His surprise was so great that he didn't know what to say. Then slowly he pushed the door wider and watched her walk into his apartment. Closing the door, he leaned against it and with his arms folded across his chest he waited for her explanation.
She said the words with her eyes closed.
"Alan, I want you to make love to me!"
She opened her eyes and saw the tightening of his fingers on his arms. If he was surprised by her statement, he was doing a masterful job of controlling himself.
"Why?" he asked slowly and suspiciously.
"Because - because - of what happened the night you took me out!"
He shrugged with apparent indifference "I - I feel that... feel that I owe it to you."
He dropped his hands to his side and looked at her studiously. "Why do you feel that, Gloria?"
"Because - because... I led you on... and then... and then didn't deliver. I - I don't want you to think that I'm that kind of a girl."
"What kind of a girl do you think that I think you are?"
She laughed nervously. "Well, right now, I think that you think I'm a girl with an awful lot of nerve. I don't imagine many girls come to your apartment and ask you to make love to them!" She laughed again and this time he joined in. And the laughter broke the tenseness of the mood.
"No," he agreed. "You're right about that. As a matter of fact, you're the first girl that's ever done that to me!"
"Well?" she asked suggestively.
He came toward her and though her body was tense in fear, she stood rigidly in the center of the room. He stopped an arm's length away and looked down into her face.
"Well?" she repeated.
His answer was to slowly lift his arm and pointed it like a rifle toward a door. "That's the bedroom," he said evenly. "I'll wait out here until you're ready... " Gloria hesitated for a moment and then walked stiffly and deliberately into the bedroom.
She closed the door and leaned against it for a moment to recapture her strength. She looked about the strange room and shuddered. For it was the first time she had ever been in a man's bedroom.
So masculine Everything about it is so male Nothing fancy. But what did I expect... frills and laces?
Then she buried her face in her hands and despair and fright swept over her.
"Oh, what am I doing here... what am I doing here... I can't stay... I just can't! I'm so ashamed... so ashamed!"
But determination steeled her purpose and she knew she had to stay. No matter what, she had to stay. For she had to know the truth about herself. No matter what it cost her in terms of pride and what Alan Courtney might think, she had to stay.
Slowly she edged away from the door and walked toward the bed, skirting it as if it were a quagmire of quicksand that was ready to suck her down into oblivion. Standing at the foot of the bed, and unable to take her eyes off it, she slowly began to undress.
Her movements were performed as if she were under a hypnotic spell. Slow and trancelike First the buttons to the silk blouse Then the zipper at the side of her skirt. And then bending forward, she unhooked her brassiere allowing her breasts to tumble free Then she worked the silk panties down over her hips and thighs and kicked them off her legs. Slowly, deliberately, she picked up the clothes and walked to the dresser. Then with care, she neatly folded each piece and placed in on the top of the dark mahogany wood. Now she was ready.
It was then, as she turned, that she caught the sight of her reflection in the long mirror on the back of the open closet door. Deliberately she walked over to it and poised in front of it Her hands ran down the rise of her breasts, nursing the nipples into erection. She swayed with the sensation and her eyes closed. Opening them she saw the pink tips peek through her spread fingers and she quickly withdrew her hands. Then she palmed them down the length of her body... over her belly and across her hips and thighs. Once again she quivered with the sensation, delighting in the slow bubbling rise of passion that spread through her.
But it should be a man doing this to me... then I would really feel it! That's why I know that I want a man... that's why I came here! To prove it to Alan and to myself...
Her confidence restored, she walked straight and tall toward the bed. Bending down she pulled back the blanket and licked her lips nervously at the sight of the large expanse of white sheet. Gingerly she eased herself onto it shivering slightly at the cool touch against her skin. Then reaching to the small night table, she groped for the lamp switch and turned out the light. There in the darkness she waited. Eager. Expectant And afraid...
A few moments later the door opened. She turned her head and saw Alan's silhouette framed in the door way. She lay stiff and quiet as if afraid to move and waited for him. He closed the door gently behind him and came toward the bed. Grateful for the darkness that enveloped the room, Gloria waited for the sag of weight next to her. Her body, though tense, was steeled with the anticipation of her response.
She heard the sound of the whisper of his clothes dropping to the floor and then there was the creak of bed springs. Her eyes, now adjusted to the darkness, saw the outline of his body as he sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at her.
She almost shrieked with the first touch of his hands on her breasts.
Then she turned on her side and reaching up for him, drew Alan down to her. He held her stiffly in his arms and Gloria was completely aware of the long length of him against her shivering skin. She tried to force her body into relaxation but she was too aware of what was happening to accomplish it Her mind was occupied not with the pleasure but with the ordeal...
Alan sensed her mood and waited for her to relax. His fingers stroked gently and carefully up and down her back in the hopes of hastening the process. Every so often the stroking would feather-touch the top of her buttocks and she could feel the clench of her muscles at his touch. But slowly, gradually, under the soothing anesthetic of his fingertips, her tension diminished and eased. And then, in its place came the first flickering of sensuous sensation.
It's happening! It's happening! Oh, it's happening! I knew it would!... I knew it would!
Happily, she burrowed into the crook of his shoulder and neck and her response caused him to draw her even closer to him. She became aware of each point where their bodies contacted... her breast and nipples against his chest... the slow caressing of their bellies, the embrace of their thighs and hips.
Then his fingers lifted her face and he kissed her. Eagerly she responded. With her mouth and her lips and her tongue. And with the response her body began to come alive. Began to answer to the demands of the churning within her.
His finger tips slipped down the column of her throat and rested against her full rich quivering breasts. She moved slightly so as to make it easier for him and then she felt the pressure of his hands as he molded the flesh into his palms.
"Oh," she moaned softly as his hands and fingers moved and cradled at the full and rounded orbs. Then his face was pulling away from hers and his lips were at her nipples.
The sounds of delight seemed to whistle out of the depths of her throat and her hands went into his hair and pushed him harder against her body. She began to twist and writhe as she cradled him into her. And she felt the shiver of sensation lick its way up into her.
Still nursing at her breasts, Alan's hands began to tingle across and down her body. She felt the retraction of her stomach as they glided across the small mound and the movement of her buttocks under her caused her lower torso to roll in slow and even undulations. Delight sang a small symphony with the feel of his hands spreading the white column of her thighs...
"Oh, I want you... I want you!" she whispered hoarsely into his throat at his first touch. Then the touch became more than a light whisper of a promise. Then it cupped and pressured into a demand. A demand from which there was no turning back.
"Oh that's good," she murmured. "So good!"
Alan's reaction to her response was to increase the pressure of his hands and lips. Now on his knees at her side, he stroked and petted and caressed her body from between her toes to the tips of her pink ears. He was masterful and sure in what he was doing, and she responded to his knowledgeable explorations of every crevice and curve of her body.
Now the twisting and writhing was uncontrollable and her tiny fists beat and clawed at the sheet at her side. Her breathing was heavied and the tip of her tongue peeked through from her partially opened mouth.
"Soon... soon... soon... " Alan whispered down at her and the sound of his voice increased the cadence of her desire. "Just a little longer... a little bit longer!"
She felt the trail of his satin tongue and she knew why he delayed. It was to bring her up to the heights that bordered the abyss. She felt herself climbing higher and higher toward it and knew that she had never wanted with such need before. Her whole body was alive now... tossing and turning in uncontrolled response to every touch... to every caress... to every probe. It was as if she were pleading with him to take her all the way. As if she were begging for completion.
She was aware of the strange glow of heat that emanated from the core of her being and the sweet-sticky smell of her own sensation-sweated skin singed her nostrils. Then hungrily and desperately, her hands reached for his body.
She thrilled to the touch of him and the excitement of the spasmodic throbbing pulsations lifted her even higher toward oblivion. Her unsatisfied desires now became torturous while she waited for the inevitable. Then she couldn't stand the delay any longer...
Her hands pulled at his shoulders and arms and she cried out with the delight of her awareness of Alan's crouching over her. She opened her eyes and the hungry look on his face caused her to involuntarily spread her legs. He rubbed against her and she shivered as if - as if sand paper had scraped down the length of her torso.
"Don't wait! Please don't wait! PLEASE DON'T WAIT!" she screamed up at him.
Then she felt him lunge forward and the sharp bite of pain seared through her being. The bite of pain that sliced the delight of her sensations and feelings in two. She felt them wiggle worm-like away from the agony and then disappear back down into the caverns of her awareness. Then they withered and died...
"No!" she screamed pushing at his shoulders. "No, I can't do it! Not like this! I can't do it!"
Alan stopped his thrusting movements and stared in disbelief down into her face. The contortion was due to shock and fright and he realized it "What's the matter with you?" he snarled at her. "This was your idea... not mine! But you were ready... you wanted it... I know you were ready... so what happened to you!"
Her head twisted back and forth in confusion as the tears streamed down her cheeks. "I - I don't know! I just don't know!"
"Maybe - maybe - you really don't want a man!" he said wearily. "Maybe you don't want sex at all!"
No! No! No! He's wrong... that's not true I do want a man... I do want sex! It's just that... just that I want more than just sex! More than just any man! But how can I tell that to him... how can I make him understand without hurting his feelings? How can I make him understand when I don't even understand it myself!"
She felt him pull his way off of her body and then the room was bathed in soft light He turned on the lamp on the night stand. He was slipping into a bathrobe as he looked down at her. Gloria looked up at him and shuddered at the expression on his face. For Alan was no longer concerned about her... he no longer cared about her problem... her difficulty.
"It's a shame" he said with a disgusted shake of his head.
"What's a shame?" she asked in a small voice.
"To waste a body like yours! You were made for love... built for it... and you're just wasting it!"
She began to cry because of the shame of what she had done and because of her inability to complete it Long hard sobs of desperation wracked her body. Alan looked down at her and then with a sigh turned on his heel and walked out of the room. Gloria sat up at the sound of the door closing behind him.
"But I don't want to waste it!" she screamed at the closed door. "I don't want to! Can't you understand that? Oh, please understand it!"
Then she buried her face in her hands and the tears slipped through her fingers as she started to cry again.
"What's wrong with me... oh, what's wrong with me?" she sobbed softly to herself. "Maybe - maybe - it's just that I... can't make love with a... man!"
The thought was too repulsive for her to accept and she flung herself face down on the bed and maniacally beat her fists into the pillow...
CHAPTER TEN
The girl pulled the magazine away from Timmy and then clasping his hand in hers, dragged him reluctantly to his feet. "Come on Timmy," she said pleadingly. "We didn't invite you over here to read magazines... we invited you over here to have some fun!"
He looked at the far corner of the playroom where his roommate was engaged in a ping pong match with another girl. He saw the happy animated expressions on both their faces and he wondered what it was that prevented him from joining in the fun. He had made up his mind when his roommate had invited him over to his girl's house for the evening that he would enjoy himself. The offer had been made because of the unexpected arrival of his roommate's girl's best friend.
"Just for a couple of hours," he had said to Timmy. "There's two of them alone in that house... her parents have gone out of town for a week... so why don't we go on over and keep them company?"
And Timmy had agreed. Not because he particularly desired a few hours of a girl's company, but because the stigma of what had happened in the whore house was still with him and he felt that the only way of removing it was to be as natural as he could. And what more natural thing than spending a few hours in the company of a girl?
But it hadn't worked out that way. He was too tense, too stiff, to really let go and enjoy himself. And the way the girl was dressed and acted only served to heighten his tension. Only served to put him on further guard against anything happening.
She was beautiful. Long black carefully brushed hair hung in seductive waves like a frame around her cameo-like face. Her lips were lush and full and her eyes sparkled with the excitement of just being alive. Her body was long and tapering with big breasts that seemed as natural on her as the flowing sweep of her hips and buttocks. She was a seductive girl without even trying to be. And it was obvious that she liked being a girl for she flaunted her femininity in every way she could. It was the constant suggestiveness of her that finally forced Timmy away from the group and into the corner with a magazine. All he could do was hope the time would pass quickly so that he and his roommate could leave before anything happened. Anything that would reveal him to this laughing, exciting girl.
But it happened before he had a chance to do anything about it She had seated the four of them in a small circle on the floor when she held up the deck of cards. "My turn to choose the game," she said happily and excitedly. "You all had your chances and now it's mine. Okay?" she said invitingly.
They all agreed and they waited expectantly to hear the name of the game. "Strip poker!"
It fell like a thunder bolt threatening to knock them apart Nervously they looked at each other and waited for the first objection. There was none. There was none because they were too embarrassed to object.
Timmy felt the surge of panic within him but stifled it with the realization of what would happen if he mouthed any objections. The suspicions regarding his masculinity would be confirmed. And so he sat tensely and quietly and waited to see what would happen.
And he lost the first hand.
He was blushing when he took off his shirt and the girls laughed happily at his obvious discomfort. He tried to act nonchalant and could only hope that his false bravado covered up his embarrassment.
The girl he was with lost the next hand. She seemed happy about it... almost excited. Eagerly, she stripped the sweater over her head and then flung it gaily against the far wall. Her huge breasts bulged out over the top of the brassiere and Timmy tried to avert his gaze. But it was no use... he couldn't take his eyes off of the firm swell of flesh that peeked out over the top of the net material.
"What's the matter, Timmy?" she kidded, "haven't you ever seen a pair like this before?"
Then deliberately she thrust back her shoulders so that her breasts were even more pronounced. Timmy laughed weakly. And then was grateful that it was his turn to deal.
The game continued quickly after that. With each one of them losing in turn. At first it was fun and exciting. But it wasn't until Timmy and his roommate were down to their shorts and facing the girls who sat giggling with nervous laughter in their panties and bras that the realization of what was going to happen next hit them It was the roommate who broke the nervous tension by slowly getting to his feet. His girl called after him as he walked toward the door at the other end of the play room.
"Where you going?" she called after him. "Don't you want to finish the game?"
"No" he said slowly his gaze seemingly penetrating through her. "I don't want to finish this game... I want to start another one!"
Timmy swallowed nervously when he realized the implication. Then to his surprise, he saw the girl smile happily and get to her feet. He watched her buttocks bounce as she ran across the room to where his roommate waited. Arm in arm they stood and looked back at Timmy and the other girl still seated on the floor.
"See you two a little later," Timmy's roommate said happily. "If you want, I'll turn the lights off before we go upstairs." His hand hovered over the wall light switch while he waited for Timmy's response.
Timmy looked at the girl seated opposite him and saw her nervously lick her lips. The anticipation seemed to bubble out of her eyes and he nodded an agreement at the roommates suggestion.
The play room darkened and the closing of the door told him that he was alone with the girl.
"No sense in our continuing the game," she whispered across to him. "Besides, I'd lose anyway... " He heard the whisper of silk and he realized that she had taken off the brassiere and panties. She was silhouetted in the darkness and Timmy realized that she was sitting Indian-style in front of him... but naked.
This time I've got to do it! I've just got to do it. I don't want to... not with her... but I've got to go through with it! Oh, what's wrong with me... why can't I want this girl! She's desirable... beautiful... and yet something stops me from wanting her! But - but I'll make myself want her... I'll make myself do it!
Deliberately he reached through the space that separated them and palmed her breasts in his hands. He felt her body stiffen at his touch and heard the soft wince of ecstasy as the sensation nipped at her body.
Hands still on her breasts, he edged closer and closer to her until they were sitting facing each other, their knees and feet touching. It was when he felt the hardening of her nipples into erection that he became aware of her hands on his legs.
Then she was spreading them and edging closer and closer into him. Her fingers trailed down his chest and he shivered. Then they were hooking into the elastic band of his shorts and she was trying to tug them down over his ; hips. He arched his buttocks off the floor and she worked his shorts down over his thighs and legs. Then, with his hands still on her breasts they edged still closer to each other.
Deliberately, he moved one hand down the rise of her belly and felt it gyrate slightly under his touch. The girl responded quickly and passionately. With tiny whimpers and broad shudderings across her shoulders and back. Then she lifted her face, closing her eyes and pursing her lips. Timmy leaned forward on his knees and with both hands again on her breasts, he kissed her.
The kiss was a moist damp thing and it seemed to unblock the dam of his passion causing a slow trickle to flow upward from his loins. As their mouths were glued together, he sighed happily, for he felt that to continue would change the trickle into a torrent.
Then he felt her hands touching him and he responded to the strong fingers as he had never responded before. Spasmodic pulsations throbbed through him and he groaned happily.
It's happening - it's happening! I feel it happening... at last! at last! Oh, it's going to happen!
With a cry, he fell forward across her body bending her back to the floor. The girl whimpered happily and tried to lift herself to meet him. His hands and mouth beat a frenzied tattoo up and down the ivory-tinted flesh and he was aware of the sharp quiverings as she responded.
"Oh, that's good! That's so good!" she murmured. "Do it again... please do it a-gain!"
He tried to imagine himself as a master lover then and acutely aware of everything he was doing he attempted to raise her body to an even higher pitch of passion. Her hands still on him felt the quickening of his response, and she began to twist and writhe as if in anticipation of what would ultimately occur between them.
He bruised his mouth on her breasts and nippies and she winced with the agony of the ecstasy as the tender flesh reacted to the incessant caressing. His fingers beat a tattoo of passion down the length of her belly and then slowed in cadence to a soft caress and stroking. With each touch her moans became more emphatic... more shrill... and her eyes rolled to the back of her head and her fingers clawed at the hard floor as if seeking release. Then, his body now sweat-soaked with anticipation, Timmy spread her thighs with his quaking knees and crouched over her.
She opened her eyes with the awareness of his nearness and smiled happily up at him. Then she lifted her head and supported herself nonchalantly on her elbows. Her voice was matter of fact... almost business like... when she finally spoke "Not on the floor, lover boy! That's too hard! I know from experience! Let's get the show on the road and use that sofa over there."" She nodded with her chin and Timmy turned his head and looked over his shoulder at the beckoning sofa against the near wall. Then he struggled to his feet, holding out his hand to help the girl rise from the floor. She was chattering as they walked across the room toward the sofa. Chattering as if the interruption was a matter-of-fact thing. Chattering about inconsequential things. About school... and other boys... and coming social events...
and clothes... and movie stars... and things she liked and didn't like. The topics stretched from here to there and covered everything between. Everything but one thing.
Everything but what they were doing.
Timmy, his breathing still shallow from the exertion, allowed her to lead him toward the sofa. But his mind was no longer filled with desire. No longer filled with yearning for this svelte pliable body. She no longer looked sensuous to him. Her huge breasts suddenly seemed to him like a million other breasts that he had seen in photographs. No life to them... no dimension.
And the same thing happened to him regarding the rest of her body. The quivering buttocks that shivered as she walked in front of him. The pulsing fall and rise of her rounded belly. The flare of her hips and the white column of her thighs. All of it suddenly became a large shapeless mass that no longer spelled female... no longer indicated femininity to him.
She was still talking when they reached the sofa. Then nonchalantly she lay down on it and invitingly spread her legs. Business-like she reached up for him. He felt like there had been an intermission and now that it was over she was ready to resume the feature.
Timmy stared down at her and slowly shook his head back and forth in total disbelief.
How can she be like that? How can she act so nonchalant? It was like... like it doesn't mean anything to her. Like she was performing a function... like brushing her teeth or combing her hair. She can turn her passion on and off like it came out of a faucet! It was like marking her place in a book! Now she's ready to start reading again!
The pile-driving impact of each realization pounded the passion and the desire back down into the flat realm of nothingness. He stood there, his face drawn, and continued to look at her in disbelief. And though he knew what was happening to him, somehow he no longer cared.
I can't do it this way. I just can't! It's got to mean more than just a function... it just has to! Maybe with the other fellows it's different... maybe they don't feel the things I do... but I can't help that. Maybe to them the important thing is to be able to say they made another girl... but that's not what's important to me! I've got to feel... got to want... Got to desire! And - and - she just killed all of that! She probably doesn't know why, and could care less, but that's what happened!
The beautiful girl looked up at him, aware of the loss of his passion. She smiled knowingly at him and said, "that's all right... I understand! And I know how to take care of that!"
He watched her swing her legs off the sofa until she was sitting on its edge facing him.
Then he felt her hands on his buttocks pulling him in between her spread knees. He knew what the girl was going to do in an effort to rekindle his desire, and his body tensed in anticipation of the first touch.
It came with a velvet stroke and he shuddered as if someone had scratched a nail across a blackboard.
But that's all he did... merely shuddered. There was no further reaction... no additional response Then she really went to work on him. For in spite of her limited years, she had had experiences that would rival any prostitute. Sex was a play thing with her and she loved the game. It made her feel adult... mature... and so she had bounced from bed to bed and motel to motel in an endless expression of her growing up. And as a result, she knew the ways of men. She knew what they liked and what they didn't like. She knew what excited them and repulsed them. She knew how to use her hands and her fingers and her mouth and her lips. She knew where to touch and where not to touch. Where to caress and where not to caress. She was a master...
And Timmy's lack of response forced her to reach deep into the bag of her experiences as she sought to come up with the answer. His face was stonelike as he watched her. For though his physical being was aware of everything she was doing to him, she failed to raise one single note of sensation within him. Finally, she looked up into his face in confusion and when she saw the look there, her confidence turned to desperation. Now it was like a battle between them... a conflict. She was saying in effect, "I'm going to do this to you and you're going to respond like you never responded before... you can't resist me because I'm too desirable to resist" But Timmy did resist His desire and his passion lay limp and dormant in a soft warm ball that she couldn't nudge into life. That she couldn't awaken.
Finally, the beautiful girl lifted her sweat-stained angry face. "What's the matter with you?" she snarled up at him. "Are you sick or something?"
Timmy didn't answer. His body felt stiff and brittle... and to speak would shatter it into a thousand pieces. "You must be sick," she continued, "Because if you aren't something would have happened to you!"
Then she pushed back onto the sofa until she was sitting with her back against the wall and her arms were hugging her knees as she stared at him, still searching his face for a solution. Timmy stood in front of her as before. Silent and immobile There can't be anything wrong with me... there can't be! After all, when we were on the floor... I did want her... I did respond! It was what happened after that that killed the desire... can't she see that? Doesn't she realize that? No! There's nothing wrong with me! There can't be anything wrong with me!... there just can't be anything wrong with me.
Balancing her chin on her knees, the beautiful girl continued to look at him. At first, the lack of response had been a blow to her ego and pride. But that was gone now... washed away in the recollection of how other men had responded to her. What other men had said about her sexual powers. And so, she no longer thought of herself as contributing to the failure. Whatever had gone wrong, had gone wrong because of him and not because of her. Suddenly an explanation struck her and her face lit up with her discovery.
"I've got it!" she said snapping her fingers. "You must be queer! Sure, that's got to be it! You're a queer!"
Timmy bit at his lips in desperation and his body sagged under the impact of the words. For the first time he didn't feel like defending himself. So he turned from her and went back to his clothes that were sprawled on the floor. As he dressed, her words kept beating into his consciousness.
You're a queer! You're a queer! You're a queer!
And for the first time, his mind didn't fight back.
Maybe she's right... maybe they were all right! That must be it I've got to face it... I've got to accept it... maybe I am a homosexual!
The discovery seemed to suck the breath out of him leaving him an empty shell of a boy. And so sunken and drawn, his body stooped over like an old man's, he turned and walked toward the back door. He no longer cared what the beautiful girl thought He no longer cared what anyone thought He couldn't care. He couldn't care because the shock of his first acceptance of the possibility had drained him of his ability to care And so, beaten and defeated, and with thin streams of tears on his cheeks, he opened the door and walked out into the night...
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The tension sat in the room unnerving the entire class. It was like when the school principal drops in unexpectedly and takes a seat in the rear row to observe what's going on. Gloria felt it as she looked from face to face in the hopes of finding its cause. She was stiff and tense behind her desk, because she was afraid that she was the cause of the class' unrest.
Not them too! They couldn't have heard about what happened up in Alan's apartment last night! He couldn't have told the students too! I know that some of the other faculty members are in on it... he must have told them... but not the students also! I realize about the other teachers because of the way some of them looked at me this morning... and those guarded laughs when I walked by. God only knows what reason he gave them. Not... not that it really matters... they'll 'think whatever they want to think no matter what the reason. And I guess the students must have found out from overhearing one of the teachers talking about me! That's got to be the way... Alan wouldn't degrade me even further by telling the story to these kids! But it's obvious that they know... they're different today... like they're all in on a secret... a sordid secret. Something scandalous. And what makes it even more exciting to them is that it happens to be my sordid scandal.
Gloria was right about one point... what was setting them off was a sordid scandalous secret. But it wasn't about her. It was about Timmy. Word of his failure had flashed quickly from the girl to his roommate and then around the campus. And because of it, what were once rumors were now fact Rumors about what had happened behind the campus with the voluptuous waitress. Rumors regarding what the whore had said. Now it was all true After all, three strikes and you're out... and Timmy had struck out on three different occasions with three different women! So what else could they believe? This was the only alternative left to them... that Timmy was queer!
And Timmy knew the truth of what they believed about him. He knew it because he could see it in their furtive glances and then their hurried whispers behind their hands. He knew it because of the overheard comments as he walked by small clusters of students on his way to class. Comments that though he had tried to convince himself were about someone else, deep down inside he knew were about him. He knew it because of the barrier that had suddenly sprung up in his quarters separating him from his roommate And so mere was no doubt in his mind what they were talking about and giggling about and laughing about It was about him and his inability to achieve his manhood.
And so, as he sat stiff and rigid at his desk, studiously pretending to concentrate on the notes on the blackboard, he was aware of the meaning behind the restless sounds of the students that surrounded him in the class. Those he couldn't ignore. They bounced off the back of his neck and shoulders like tiny darts and he flinched with the pain of each accusation... of each degrading statement I don't know how much longer I can face them, Gloria thought to herself as she pre tended business by absorbing herself in the task of grading papers. This way I didn't have to look at them. Stare into their accusing faces. I can't face both the students and the other teachers... I just can't! Not when I know what they think! Not when I know what they are saying about me! But I can't escape it either. There is no way out until school is over... so I've got to face them! Oh, I feel so alone... so isolated. And all I'm looking for is someone who'll understand me... who won't laugh and point a finger... but who will just give me understanding. But how can I expect to find understanding when I don't know or even know the cause of what's wrong! Oh, what am I going to do... what am I going to do... !
The rising buzz of laughing voices caused her to lift her face Her angry expression failed to restore order to the room and so, rather than admonish punishment Gloria passed out paper for a quiz. "Well," she said softly to herself, "maybe by keeping them busy, I can also keep them quiet!"
Timmy stared down at the yellow paper on the desk in front of him and made no effort to answer the questions that Gloria had written on the blackboard. His face was pinched and drawn and his set expression gave the impression that he was waiting for some hidden message to appear on the paper in front of him... a message that would answer his problem.
What am I doing here, he thought to himself. There's no sense to my even trying to pass this test... I haven't cracked a book in months! Why should I? It doesn't matter anymore... nothing matters any more I don't want to learn about history! I want to learn the truth about myself! What I am... maybe - maybe... maybe I'm really... really queer after all! So I don't need someone who'll teach me facts and figures and dates... I need someone who'll understand me! Oh, how I need someone who will understand me! Be cause - because I don't even understand myself!
The dismissal bell clattered just as Gloria had finished collecting the last of the test papers. Without waiting for her approval, the class broke in a wild clatter of boys and shouting voices through the exits.
Timmy sat stiffly at his front desk, staring straight ahead and pretending to be oblivious to the insults that were hurled at him by the passing students. It wasn't until the room was empty that he pulled himself from his seat with apparent great effort. Holding the blank test paper by its edge, he walked to Gloria's desk.
"I'm afraid I didn't do very well on this," he said handing it to her.
She looked at the empty page and then turned it over to see if perhaps she had made a mistake. The look on her face was almost hurt surprise as she stared at him. "Why Timmy, you haven't written a thing! You didn't answer one single question!"
The shrug of defeat seemed to sag his shoulders, and Gloria ached with the desire to erase the obvious hurt expression from his face. Then she remembered her offer of the day before and she smiled brightly at him.
"Never mind about this test, Timmy. You can make it up next week. But you haven't forgotten about coming to my apartment tonight for that extra tutoring, have you?" she asked brightly.
His whole body seemed to droop with fatigue as he looked at her in surprise. "Do you still mean that? Do you still want me to come?"
Gloria answered positively and rapidly, hoping that her enthusiasm would rub off on him "Of course I want you to come! And you'd better be there, young man!" she said gaily. "At eight o'clock... and be ready for a hard night's work."
He smiled weakly at her and nodded his head. "I'll be there... and ready," he said in a soft voice, and then turned and walked out of the class room.
Gloria listened to the sounds of his footsteps going down the corridor and then shook her head sadly as she stared at the blank test paper in her hand.
"Poor kid," she said to the empty room. "Something's bothering him... something real bad! I wish I knew what it was because then I could help. And somehow, I want to help him very much... no matter what his problem is!"
CHAPTER TWELVE
It was two minutes to eight and Timmy stood hesitantly in front of the apartment door, his hand poised ready to knock. His hair was slicked down and he had put on a clean shirt and tie and was wearing his most expensive slacks and jacket. He didn't know why he had gone to such trouble with his appearance, but something inside him had insisted that he look his best. But now that he was there his inherent shyness welled up inside of him causing a bubble of doubt. Perhaps he had gone too far with his attire. Perhaps she would laugh at him. Perhaps she would get the wrong impression. These and a thousand other perhapses flicked through his mind, causing him to delay the knocking on her door.
"Maybe - maybe - I ought to forget the whole thing! Just go on back to my room and call her... tell her I'm sick or something! Maybe... maybe... maybe I ought to... " The door opened suddenly, interrupting his search for an excuse and he looked at her with his mouth half-opened in surprise.
"I thought I heard a noise out here," Gloria said in explanation. "Now why don't you come in and make yourself comfortable before we get down to work?"
Without waiting for his response, she turned and walked into the apartment Timmy reluctantly followed her, closing the door behind him.
To avoid looking at her, he pretended to study the apartment Then he was no longer pretending, for he had never been in a woman's apartment before. There was a delighted smile on his lips as his eyes moved about the room. Occasionally his head would bob in approval at something that struck his fancy.
Nice here. Feminine. You can even smell it in the air. But everything fits with her... all silky and lacey and lavender. The whole place is warm and comfortable... just like I knew it would be.
Though still standing, Timmy began to relax in the quiet surroundings of the room. It was only then, with the regaining of his self-composure, that he dared to look at her. She was seated on the sofa, knees trimly pressed together, smiling up at him. She looked different than in the classroom and he studied her carefully... almost as if he were looking at a stranger.
She's not wearing those shapeless dresses...
that's what it is. Never saw her in a skirt and sweater before. And her hair is different too. Not pulled back so tight and old maidish... looks prettier this way. And she's wearing more make-up, especially around her eyes. She looks more like a... like a... girl than my teacher!
Still smiling Gloria patted the sofa beside her, indicating for him to sit down. Gingerly, Timmy seated himself on the edge of the cushion and stared down at the soft carpeting under his feet "Well," she said eagerly, "let's get started."
Timmy jumped a little at her voice and then slowly relaxed as she opened the note book and spread it on her lap.
"I think we ought to begin way back at the beginning," she said. "I know it's an awful lot to go through, but you have got a lot to makeup, Timmy."
He didn't speak, but merely nodded and continued to look down at the carpeting.
Gloria watched his profile and then shrugged and began the chore of imparting information to him.
The evening wore on and as it did they both became more and more uncomfortable with the situation. It was obvious to both of them that the atmosphere was charged and strained. And that little or no benefit was being gained by Timmy. Finally, almost in desperation, Gloria closed the notebook and tucking her legs up under her turned to face him on the sofa.
"What is it Timmy? What's bothering you?"
He shook his head and bit at his lips in desperation. "I - I - can't tell you," he whispered in a hoarse voice.
"Why not?" Gloria insisted. "If you want me to help you then you've got to tell me what's wrong!"
"Nobody can help me!"
Gloria leaned back and looked at him in surprise. "What do you mean nobody can help you? Are you in some kind of trouble, or something?"
He shrugged indifferently and the movement irritated her. "Look," she said harshly. "If you want my help then you've got to change your attitude! Stop feeling sorry for yourself!"
Still looking down at the carpet his hands clasped in his lap he said, " I don't want your help. I don't want anybody's help. I'm be yond help!"
Gloria didn't understand, "Beyond help? What do you mean by that?"
He shook his head with his answer. "Yes, that's right... beyond help... that's why it doesn't matter if I pass your history class or not! It doesn't matter because... because I'm probably going to drop out of school!"
"Drop out of school! You can't mean that! But why? Why are you doing that?"
He closed his eyes and swallowed. The words were there, ready to be said, but the shame was like a dam that blocked them off...
How can I tell her what's wrong? How can I tell her about myself? I can't do it... I just can't do it! But she must know... she must have heard the fellows talking about what had happened between me and those girls! I want to tell her... I've got to tell her... I've got to tell someone. I can't keep it inside any longer... I just can't. I'll explode if I don't tell someone!
And so with a desperation borne of the need for confession, he told her.
He couldn't face her while he spoke, but sat rigid and stiff staring at the pictures on the far wall. His hands were still clenched tightly in front of him on his lap, and his face was still pinched and drawn. But at least he was saying the words...
"I'm - I'm quitting because I can't face anybody any more. And I can't face anybody any more because I know what they think about me."
"What do they think about you, Timmy?"
"They think... they think that I am a... that I'm a queer! a homosexual!" he said the words and defiantly turned to face her as if daring Gloria to dispute the words.
"Are you a homosexual?" Gloria asked softly.
Once again he turned to stare at the pictures on the far wall. His shoulders sagged in defeat as he answered. "I - I don't know. Sometimes I think I am and then other times I don't think I am! But - but - I really don't know."
Gloria chose her words carefully before she spoke, not wanting to jolt and shake him with the abruptness of her questioning. "What makes you think you might be?"
He closed his eyes before answering the question. It was as if he was hiding himself from her. "Well," he began slowly, "Well... well... I'm - I'm still a virgin!"
"But that doesn't mean that you're queer."
He shook his head desperately. "But there were these three girls... one was even a prostitute... and - and we made love... or at least tried to!"
"Tried to?"
Somehow the admission of his virginity made it easier for Timmy to reveal the rest of the burden. It was simple speaking to the girl seated on the sofa beside him. She didn't laugh... she didn't condemn... she didn't do anything but listen. And because he had someone who would listen, Timmy found it easier to speak.
"Yes, tried to... they were experienced, not like me. They knew what to do and how to do it And though I usually responded to them at first... " he hesitated, almost ashamed to finish the explanation.
"Yes, what would happen?" Gloria urged him.
"That's it... nothing would happen! After a while, all the passion and the desire left me and no matter what they did, they couldn't bring it back. And they tried... believe me, they really tried!"
"Did you want them at first?" Gloria asked in a low small voice.
He took his eyes from the pictures on the far wall and looked into Gloria's face His expression was one of pleading... of "help me"
"Yes, I wanted them! At least I think I wanted them! But then I became aware of what was happening and I found that I didn't want it to happen! Don't you understand! I didn't want it to happen!"
Mutely, Gloria nodded her head. "Yes, Timmy I understand that... " He went on hurriedly as if he didn't even hear her response. "That's what makes me think I'm queer! The fact that I didn't want them! Does that make sense to you?"
He gripped her arms with his strong hands as if trying to squeeze the answer out, and once again she nodded mutely.
"Because it's not natural not to want a woman! Especially - especially when he's making love with them! But they were so crude... so matter-of-fact about it... just business-like None of them felt anything for me it was just what was going to happen that they were interested in. And sex isn't like that... I know it isn't like that! But maybe it is... maybe that's all that's supposed to happen between a man and a woman. Just take your pleasure and forget about it And if that's the way it is, then I must be queer... because I don't want a woman like that!"
Then he released her arms and leaned his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "I don't know what I really want, because I don't know what's really right ! So I guess I must be queer! Like the other fellows are saying... I'm a fairy!"
It was then that Gloria noticed the desperate trickle of tears seeping out of his closed eyes and crawling down his clean cheeks. She felt hollow inside as she looked at him suffering.
"Let me get you a wash cloth so you can clean your face" she whispered softly and ! then quickly got up.
But deep down inside she knew the gesture wasn't only because she wanted to help him !... it was also because she wanted to be alone with her own thoughts. Thoughts that were so similar to his that it was frightening...
Hands on the side of the wash basin for support, Gloria stared down at the water rinsing through the cloth at the bottom of the bowl. Her thoughts at first had been a blend of con- j fusions and contradictions and now that she was alone her orderly mind was putting order to some of the chaos... "Poor Timmy! He's so confused and he I feels so alone He needs someone to help him, but how can I be the one? How can I help him with a problem like that when I can't even solve my own problem? It would be like the blind leading the blind! He reminds me so much of Johnny... so terribly much! The more I see him, the more I think of him as Johnny... or at least Johnny at that age.
She took the washcloth out of the basin and then wrung it out Holding it limply in her hands, she turned to leave the bathroom and return to the living room. Suddenly, with a shake of her head, she stopped...
"I can't help him! I've got to do something for him! If I don't, there's no telling what he's liable to do. No telling what he's liable to believe. But what to do? What to do?"
It was then that she heard the sound of Timmy getting up from the sofa. Clutching her throat, she prayed that Timmy was not leaving the apartment It was with a sigh of relief that she heard him go over to the picture window and look out across the campus. I've got to think of something. Not just anything, but something that will work. Something that will convince him that's he's not queer. Something that will prove to him that sex isn't at all like those girls portrayed it She wiped her own face with the damp washcloth as she searched for some answer.
Then she stiffened and her features hardened as the questions probed into her consciousness like scalpels.
Why should I help him? What right have I got to do that? It's all part of growing up... and he's got to do it by himself! No, it's none of my business... none of my business! There's only one thing I can do... only one thing I should do... that's to get rid of him! Send him away! He's got his whole life ahead of him. He'll find the answer some day...
Gloria almost screamed as the avalanche of memory crushed her.
That's exactly what I said to Johnny that last night on the beach! That's exactly what I did to him! Sent him away! Told him that he had his whole life ahead of him... that he'd have to wait Maybe - maybe - there are some things that you have to do that you weren't meant to wait for. Maybe something happens during the waiting so that you never get another chance... you never come back. Maybe - maybe - if I send Timmy away that's what'll happen to him!
It happened with another man once before, maybe it will happen again!
Going back to the wash basin, she redampened the cloth and then covered her face with it. Refreshed by the cold water against her skin, she turned toward the door...
I've got to stop thinking about myself. That's the only way. Right now I've got to think about that poor helpless boy out there Never mind about me, right now he's the only one that counts!
So I've got to figure out what to do for him. Got to figure out what he needs and then, no matter what it is, give it to him! No matter what I might feel or what it might cost me, I've got to do that! I've just got to do that!
Then, as she walked through her bedroom on the way to Timmy in the living room, Gloria knew what she had to do. She stopped at the door and saw him still looking out the picture window with his head leaning against the glass. There was a strange smile on her lips when she softly closed the door to the bedroom and went over and turned out the lights.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
A short while later the door reopened. Standing there in the darkness, she called softly to the boy who seemed immobilized in front of the window.
"Timmy... come here." Her voice was low and sensuous and the sound of it caused him to turn around.
It was then that she saw the complete havoc on his face caused by the desperation. It was as if acid had trailed across his cheeks and forehead. His eyes were sunk and deep and there was a forlorn look to them. The desperation seemed to clutch at his throat like tentacles and he stared into the gloom of the bedroom with unseeing eyes.
It was then that she held out her arms to him and repeated, "Come here, Timmy... come here."
It was with a cry of desperation that he ran toward the haven of the open arms. He didn't see her as a woman... as feminine... but rather as something to cling to. For at that moment that was what he needed... a haven... an anchor... an oasis. And that's what Gloria seemed to be offering to him. Protection from the slings and arrows of the horrible experiences that he had just been through.
He was sobbing as he held onto her, his head buried in the angle of her neck and shoulder. And his hands clenched tightly around her back. He felt the soft stroking of her fingers at his neck and on his shoulders as she tried to relax him and gradually the tension began to ease out of his muscles.
Then she rested her cheek on his hair and began to make soft soothing cooing sounds. The warmth of her nearness began to melt the frigid fear within him and his embrace tightened as if in an effort to get even closer to her.
"Just hold on, Timmy," she whispered softly. "Hold on as long as you want to... as long as you have to!"
And so he held on. Tightly. Tensely. Almost desperately. He didn't want to leave the security of her protection for he believed that to do so would be to once more expose himself to the unknown. And so he clung to her and tried to shut out everything else that had ever happened to him. Tried to erase the stench of the horror of his experiences with the warm fragrance of her cologne. Tried to blot out the reality of everything else except the feeling of the protection caused by her embrace.
Suddenly his hands stiffened on her back with the realization of a new reality. What he should have been feeling was the soft I cashmere of the white sweater she had been wearing. But he didn't feel that. What he felt was the velvet touch under his fingers of gossamer silk.
Head still buried in her neck and shoulders, his hands gingerly began to move in slow spirals across her back... They stopped their ! motion when he caressed the gentle curve of her hips and the top of the swell of her buttocks. For it was then that Timmy realized that she had changed the sweater and skirt and was now wearing a negligee. A negligee that was so sheer and so seductive that he felt it , might come apart under his fingers.
Gloria felt the stiffening of his body as he became aware of what she was wearing. She felt the resistance in his shoulders and arms as he slowly pushed away from her. And she realized that the conflict was beginning to once again war with him. A conflict fought between his desire and his fear of failure...
And so, reaching behind her back she placed her hands on top of his imprisoning them against her body. Gently but firmly she forced Timmy's hands once again to move in small undulations across the flesh of her buttocks. "Don't stop," she whispered up at him.
"Go ahead... don't stop!"
There was a hint of urgency in her voice and a suggestion of desire. And Timmy sucked in his breath and closed his eyes with the sensation under his fingers. Then she smothered the last of his resistance by pressuring herself in closer to his body. With the feel of her breasts and thighs against him, a soft sob of desire broke from his throat and hungrily his mouth searched for hers...
Gloria lifted her head and her hands framed his face as their lips locked together.
The kiss seemed to last an eternity.
It was warm and moist and tender and sent shivers of excitement racing through their bodies. The only sounds were the rustle of silk as Timmy brought her in even closer to him.
Then slowly, almost reluctantly, their mouths separated. Timmy looked down at her, his shallow breathing caused by the rise of sensation pumping back and forth like the action of a pair of bellows. His look told of his desire and of his confusion.
"I'm - I'm sorry," he murmured. "I - I couldn't help myself."
Gloria shook her head and the soft brown hair oozed like wheat in a breezed-swept field. "Don't be sorry," she whispered back at him. "I'm - I'm not. Besides, I made you do it!"
"Made me?"
"Yes... made you."
Deliberately she took two steps back so that he could see all of her instead of merely her shoulders and head. Then slowly and provocatively, she drew the pink silk garment down off her shoulders. Timmy's eyes widened and his look was of disbelief as he watched her let it trail from her hand and then fall caressingly around her feet. She looked like a goddess standing on a cloud as she stretched her body toward him.
"Yes... " she whispered. "I need you!"
His look was wild as he suddenly fell at her feet. His head was bowed and his hands were clasping the back of her thighs, pulling Gloria in closer to him as he lay there sobbing.
"Oh... I want you... oh, I want you!" he explained in hushed tones.
Her response made him lift his face.
"Then take me!"
He saw the truth in her face as he looked up the white ivory columns of her thighs and over the hard rise of her belly and between the breasts-bounded valley.
"But - but I don't know if I can," he said in embarrassment.
Gloria's hands under his arms and pulled Tommy to his feet.
"There's only one way to find out," she said in a throaty voice "There's only one way to find out... " Hand in hand, she led him slowly toward the bed, then she dropped his clammy fingers and bent to pull down the spread. He licked his lips at the sight of the delicate curve of her back and buttocks. Then he turned away from her after watching her ease onto the white sheets.
He knew that she was watching him undress as she lay on her back and his fingers were suddenly inept and clumsy. But finally it was done and in his nakedness, he turned to face her. She smiled up at him and the smile was warm and inviting. He moved as if in slow motion, gliding onto the bed beside her. His body stiffened at the initial contact of their flesh and nervously he waited for her reaction. But there was none. She lay quiet and still at his side, the curves and arcs and convex curves of her body glistening with the reflection of the dim light Hands limp at her side and flat on the sheet she continued to smile up at the ceiling.
Moments passed and still Timmy waited tense and stiff. The sensation within him was a seething stewing thing, waiting for the initial touch that would cause it to bubble and boil over. But the touch never came.
She's - she's not going to do anything, he thought to himself. She's not going to touch me... to ~ to - try and arouse me. If I want her - its - it's up to me! And oh, how I want her!
Realization jolted him into action and he suddenly swept his arms under her torso and pulled Gloria in close to him in a tight embrace. He rained hungry kisses on her lips and her throat and her eyes and her ears and the stiffness and tenseness went out of him at the sound of her first reactions.
She moaned softly again and again, and her arms and hands were like a vise as they held him in close against her.
"Do it! Do it Timmy!... Do whatever you want. I want you to do it! I'm yours! Use me however you will!"
There was a joy in him as he rolled to his knees at her side and as he began to play and caress her body. Her response to each touch was quick and sharp. A tight intake of breath and then a shuddering series of whimpers, and then the first cascade of quivering under her flesh.
He enjoyed her body, secure in the knowledge of the pleasure that it gave both of them. His eyes feasted on her intimacy and his hands and t fingers answered the desire within him. The desire to caress her, and to touch her, and to stroke and to probe her. And with each movement, Gloria's response heightened. She reveled in the joy of his hands shaping and molding her breasts and of his fingers caressing the peaks of her nipples. The joy increased when he began to trail moist kisses down and over her ivory-tinted skin. Legs and thighs twitched and clenched with the bewitching sensation that was caused by the feather-whisper on her torso.
It's me she wants! It's me! Not what's going to happen, but me! What I'm going to make happen. What she's going to share with me!
Then she opened her eyes and looked at him. Timmy followed her gaze as her head lowered and he shivered with the delight of the discovery. And then her hand reached out and up and he wanted to cry out with the depths of the sensation of the spasmodic pulsation between her long tapering fingers.
"You're a man," she whispered up at him. "All man!"
His response was a hungry desperate growl-like sound and then he was spreading her legs and crouching over her. He saw the shudder crawl across her face, but attributed it to the touch of his hands on her buttocks as he arched her back and lifted her hips...
"Don't make me afraid," she prayed to herself. "Don't make me push him away! I don't want this for me... I want it for him... so let it happen! Please let it happen! I need it to happen... " Her thoughts were cut off by the knife of the first searing sensation as he lunged against her. Hungrily, she clung to him, afraid to let go. Afraid to lose the feeling that was surging and swelling within her. Then as the sensation mounted higher and higher, Gloria began to move and twist, matching her movements to his.
With each thrust, short explosive sounds escaped from her throat as the lick of sensation seemed to spill over her. And then when the feeling became too intense and too deep for her to endure, Gloria's legs snaked out and around Timmy locking her to him. They were unified now, joined and connected. And each motion, each gyration, was a blending of their flesh and of their sensations and of their desires.
Deep... deep... deeper into each other they moved and thrust and each sharp lunge was as if they were searing the past ugliness from their mind and from their bodies.
Up, up, up the limitless heights of passion they crawled... And then they began to run.
Timmy shivered with delight at the swell of her breasts pushing against his chest and with the feel of her rounded belly gyrating against his. Somewhere inside him a fire had started and was now sending out long tongues of flame that had begun to consume him. He felt the roar of the conflagration spread through him, eating its way into every sensation. And suddenly the agony of the ecstasy was becoming too unbearable. Was too much to endure. Soon there would be a release. Soon it would happen. But for now there was only the pleasure of the pain...
Gloria twisted and writhed under him, as if stroked by each swell of sensation. She was lost in the rising swirls of the furies that raced unchecked through her entire being. And she thrilled to each delight Reveled with the pleasures of it.
For her breasts had never felt like this before.
So ripe and full and rich. Her nipples were hardened into pleasure points wherever they pressured against his chest. Her belly quivered in anticipation of the next contact against him. And she felt the pinch of pleasure in her buttocks where his fingers and hands squeezed into the clenching and unclenching muscles. Her thighs shook with savage intensity as she became aware of the spreading coil of heat that generated out from her.
Near... near... nearer... nearer came the fireball of pleasure. Her mind's eye closed as the sweeping spiral of colors brightened into a vividness that blinded her. She clung to him, cleaving with her legs and thighs and arms and hands. Clung to him because she was afraid to let go. Afraid because of the bottomless pit of passion that stretched below her.
Down... down... down...
And then suddenly their fears of the fantasy diminished. Faded away. Suddenly they no longer clung and hung back as if trying to savor the taste of each sensation and delight.
Now they hurried toward the promised land that lay over the crest of the next peak of their passion. They lunged again and again at each other as if in savage attack, and then with one last sharp savage thrust, they stepped off into the eeriness of the great mystery...
Their scream blended into a discordant dirge of desire, the notes finally wearing away with their wan and spent feelings.
Down, down... down they fell, finally plopping together in the soft cushions of their bodies.
Exhausted.
And completed.
It was Gloria who recovered first, limply pushing a strand of sweat-soaked hair off her forehead. She smiled contentedly as she looked down at Timmy's exhausted and spent body.
It happened, she thought happily to herself. And it happened right! It happened because I gave to him, I didn't try to take. I let him feel whatever it was that he wanted to feel... that he had to feel and because of it, I helped him become a man! Maybe - just maybe... this will help undo what I did to Johnny that night on the beach. Wherever he is, maybe he'll forgive me now.
Johnny, oh Johnny, someone needed and this time I was ready for them! Someone needed and I gave them what they needed!
Slowly the exhaustion drained from Timmy's body and he lifted his head, and looked into Gloria's face. It seemed to glow with delight and happiness and he smiled weakly at his own satisfaction.
It happened! It happened! It happened because I could respond this time... I had something to respond to! Let those other boys believe what they want to about me, but now I know differently! And it's all because of her. Because she let me respond. Because - because she wanted me for me and not because of what she could get out of me. But it was easy to respond to her... easy to be a man... because she's all woman... she's so - so feminine.
Once he again lifted his face and smiled down at her. "Thanks," he whispered softly.
"Thank you," Gloria said in response.
And they fell asleep in each other's arms. A soft gentle untroubled sleep.
A while later they awakened, each rested and refreshed. Timmy raised himself on one elbow and stared down nervously at Gloria. She sensed he wanted to say something but she also sensed that he was too shy to say it.
"What is it?" she asked gently.
"I just want to know if... if... " somehow he couldn't continue.
"... if what?" Gloria insisted on knowing.
Her insistence was the only urging he needed and he hurriedly continued. "... if - if this - this - will go on? Can I - can I come to your apartment again?"
She thought about it and as she did, she became aware of the changes within her. Changes that had finally broken down the barricades to her own happiness and fulfillment It was then that she slowly shook her head.
"I don't think so, Timmy," she said sadly. " I don't think so, because I don't think I'll be here much longer."
He didn't understand that. "You're leaving?" he said in disbelief. "But why - why?"
"Because now I can go out into the world again... face it... with every part of me. Now I don't have to hide behind the disguise of being a school teacher. Somewhere out there is a man that I can truly love. That I'm not afraid to love. I've got to go find him!"
She could see from the look on his face that he didn't understand her. But that was all right, because she understood it. And because she did, she knew she was completely free. And so, in her happiness, once more Gloria turned to Timmy. She saw the look of sadness in his face and said the words that she knew would erase...
"But in the meantime, there's still tonight... there's still now!" And then she touched him intimately and he became a man again. A big man.
A happy man...
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Gloria saw Timmy standing on the train platform. It was spring vacation and it seemed that half of the student body and faculty were waiting for the train that would take them to Los Angeles. The place was a bedlam of noise and confusion - everyone happy and excited to be rid of the grind that had confined them since September. This was freedom time to both student and teacher alike, and the air of festivity in the small station attested to that.
He saw her at the same time and she warmed to his quick smile of response. He had changed since that night in her apartment - the life and animation had come back to him. Though he still seemed to remain aloof from his fellow-students, he now had an air of confidence and surety about him that had previously been lacking. His grades were good and for the first time, he seemed to know where he was heading...
They smiled at each other, and to the others on the platform it was a teacher smiling to one of her favorite students - and that's all it was. But they both knew better...
They both knew how much they owed to the other. Because through and with the other, they had each conquered something within themselves that had confined and restricted. And now they were free of it.
Though neither of them had gone to bed with anyone else since the experience in Gloria's apartment, they both were sure and confident that should the right opportunity present itself, there would be no problems...
But, of course, as yet, the opportunity hadn't presented itself to either of them.
Timmy waved to her and then strode to her side. There was a warm deep smile on his face when he spoke.
"Going home for the vacation?"
She nodded, smiling up at him.
"Wish I could," he then said, "but it's too far for me to travel with just a week off. So I guess I'll have to make the best of it in Los Angeles. Always wanted to see a big city anyway, so I guess I ought to have a good time."
"Oh, you'll love it, Timmy," Gloria said. "There'll be so much for you to do."
They looked at each other nervously then-each aware that the other had something else to say and each aware that perhaps they shouldn't say it even though they wanted to.
For what had happened between them had never been mentioned. They had made love on that one night and that was all there was to it. The only times they saw each other were, of course, in the schoolroom - Gloria made sure of that. And yet there were times when she looked at him sitting in the front row that she knew that he was remembering her as she had looked in her bed - as she had looked naked and in the heat of passion- Just as Timmy had known that she was looking at him in the same way. Then, their embarrassment would get the best of them and they would hurriedly and nervously look away from each other. And yet they both knew the truth of each other's thoughts...
As a matter of fact, other than in the classroom, this was the first time they had spoken to each other since that fateful night.
"How - how about if you - if you show me around Los Angeles?" he finally asked nervously, shifting from one foot to another in his embarrassment.
She shook her head quickly. "No, Timmy - no! That wouldn't be right and you know it!"
He hung his head in disappointment.
Hurriedly she went on to explain. "Timmy, what happened in my apartment is over and done with. Let's leave it that way. And you know I'm right, don't you?"
Though he couldn't say the words he nodded in slow and reluctant agreement.
"Besides," Gloria went on carefully. "Somebody's just liable to see us and you know what would happen then - scandal or expulsion for both of us. No, neither one of us can take the risk. So let's just leave it the way it is for the rest of time - you're one of my favorite students and I hope I'm one of your favorite teachers. Agreed?"
The smile of understanding was on his face when he lifted his head and she felt warmed by it. "Agreed. You're right - I know you are. And I hope - hope that I haven't insulted you."
In her delight, she put her hand on his arm. "Oh no," she said eagerly. "You haven't insulted me. On the contrary, you've honored me."
"I don't understand that," he said quizzically, his eyebrows raised in confusion.
"Some day you will," she laughed happily. "Some day when you're a little older you'll know how you gave a woman back her feminity."
He shrugged boyishly and then smiled at her.
"Now, I think you'd better go and rejoin your friends before they start saying things about us - things that we won't be able to deny."
Timmy nodded and then, after one last reluctant look, left her side and went back to the small group of boys with which he was traveling to Los Angeles. She watched him, a warm glow filling her body, and then turned to look up-track for the delayed train...
"She sure is something," one of the other boys said as Timmy returned to the small circle. "How'd you like to tie into that for a night!"
Timmy wondered if the others had noticed the flush of embarrassment that the words brought to his throat. He wondered what they would do if they knew the truth...
"Here it comes!" someone yelled at the first sound of the train whistle, and the conversation about Gloria was forgotten in the excitement. Eagerly, they pressed forward toward the edge of the platform, and then, as the train slowed to a hissing stop, clambered quickly aboard. The sounds of their excitement carried through the coaches as they ran and jostled for the vacant seats - each of them trying to get to those near the windows or with their friends. Timmy, his body filled with the excitement, ran with them down the aisles, finally dropping into the first available seat. It wasn't until the train started to move again that he turned to look at his new companion in the seat next to him.
And stared into the smiling face of the most beautiful girl he had ever seen!
Sensuously dark, she looked out from under long lashes - her green eyes like deep whirlpools. Her skin seemed like marble - alabaster white. She was tall and languid as she put down the magazine she had been reading and smiled at Timmy. Her smile was neither an invitation or condescending - it was merely a look of greeting to someone sitting next to her. Dressed in a sweater and skirt, the soft material seemed to cling to her shapely breasts like two small hands and Timmy flushed because of the obviousness of his glance. But either she didn't notice or she ignored the look because she continued to smile at him.
"You must go to the boys' school in this town," she said softly - her voice matching the texture of her black hair. "That would account for all of you getting on at this station, wouldn't it?"
Unable to speak - or afraid to - Timmy merely nodded in agreement. He could feel the old shyness returning and he edged further away from her in his seat.
"Me too," she then said.
"You too what?" he finally asked, not understanding her comment.
"I'm also going home for the spring vacation."
"Oh."
She closed the magazine in her lap and turned to study him more carefully. "Going all the way to Los Angeles?"
He nodded his head and wished she wouldn't look at him with those deep green eyes.
"Live there?"
This time he responded with a negative nod.
"Visiting someone?"
Again he shook his head.
"Just going to do some sightseeing?"
This time his nod was affirmative.
"Not very talkative, are you?" she then said with a grin.
He blushed and bowed his head.
"It's not that I'm nosey, but since it's a long trip to Los Angeles and since we're going to be seatmates, I thought perhaps we should get to know each other... but if you'd rather not, that's all right with me. My folks have always told me that I'm too forward with strangers."
"Oh, no," he suddenly insisted. "Guess I'm a little too shy - especially with girls."
Her laughter sounded like the tinkling of bells to him. "You really shouldn't be shy," she then said. "You're much too attractive to be shy."
It was the first time - other than with Gloria, that a girl had truly complimented him and inasmuch as he didn't know how to respond, Timmy merely sat quietly and said nothing.
"A good-looking boy like you can say just about anything he wants to a girl and get a-way with it - just because a girl likes to be seen with a boy who looks like you."
The conversation was getting to personal for Timmy and so he continued to sit quietly, letting the beautiful girl say the words.
"That's right," she went on. "I know - I've been told that because of the way I look."
She wasn't boasting - she was stating a fact. Timmy thought about it for a moment and then slowly nodded his head in agreement. When he finally did speak, it was in a soft whisper.
"Yes, you are beautiful."
She laughed again - pleased at the compliment. "Are you afraid of me?" she then asked.
"In a way," he said softly.
"But why?" she insisted.
"I don't know," he said with an awkward shrug of his shoulders. "I just am."
"At least you're honest."
Then they were silent for a few moments and Timmy wondered what he could say to keep the conversation going. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see the whispering among his schoolmates as they watched him and he knew what they were talking about. He knew because that's all they ever talked about...
"Look," she finally said, "as long as we're going to share this seat all the way to Los Angeles we might as well introduce ourselves. Unless, of course, you'd rather not... "
"Oh no," he answered quickly. "I'm Timmy."
She smiled at him and held out her hand. "Dinah."
He took her hand, thrilling to its softness and touch. With the introduction, some of the barrier seemed to fall away from him and after a while he began to loosen up and forget his shyness. They talked of school and people they might know and how they felt about different things and what they planned to do with their lives and interesting things that had happened to them and the things they liked and disliked and the time passed quickly with neither of them aware of its passage. It wasn't until the porter came through the car announcing the fact that dinner was being served that they returned to the present.
Timmy knew she was waiting for him to invite her to dinner with him and he quickly offered the invitation.
"I'd love to," Dinah said eagerly. "Just let me freshen up first and then I'll be right back."
He stood up to let her pass and it was then that a sudden lurch of the train threw her against him. Instinctively, his arms tightened around her and he held her close as they struggled to maintain their balance. He was aware of the pressure of her breasts against his chest and of the feminine aroma as her face brushed against his.
And she was aware of him as a man.
There was a strange look on her face when they finally parted and her breathing had heavied. Timmy, slightly embarrassed by the incident, backed further against the seat so that she could pass and then bowed his head as she went out into the aisle.
He didn't watch her walk toward the rear because he didn't have to - the image of her was still fresh in his mind. He was even oblivious to the remarks of his friends who were commenting on how lucky he had been in his choice of seats. No, the only thing that he could think of was the pressure of her young firm breasts against him and the sweet exciting smell of her body...
Finally she returned from the ladies' room and he got up and joined her in the aisle. Walking behind her, they walked toward the dining car, both of them now strangely quiet.
The waiter seated them at a small table and the embarrassment was still with them as they studied the menu. Finally, they gave their orders and sat awkwardly looking at each other. They were silent, but their thoughts were as obvious to the other as if they had been shouting.
Gratefully, they accepted the dinners when they were set in front of them, and then, as if their lives depended upon it, they attacked the food.
It wasn't until they were finished with dessert and were nervously talking about inconsequentials, that the strain was broken by the appearance at their table of the small blonde girl.
"Dinah, can I talk to you?" she said in a low voice, obviously avoiding Timmy's eyes.
"Sure - what is it, Betty?"
It was then that the other girl looked at Timmy. Quickly, she averted her eyes after giving him a forced grin and then turned her attention back to Dinah. "No - I mean privately."
Not knowing what to do, Timmy hurriedly stood up. "Why don't I wait for you back in our seats?" he asked of her and then, without waiting for an answer, quickly got up from the table and walked to the rear of the dining car.
At the door, he turned to look back at the two girls and smiled to himself as he saw Dinah take some money out of her purse and hand it to her friend. Closing the door behind him, he walked down the aisle of the car until he found their seats. Dropping into it casually, he was glad of the chance to be alone. Glad, because it gave him the opportunity to think about the situation...
What do I do now, he wondered? She's not like any of those girls I met in school - she's got class. And from the way she's dressed and from the girls' school she goes to, I guess her folks are pretty well off. So where does that leave me? Sure would like to - would like to make out with her, though... got enough of a feel of her body to want all the rest of it. But that's impossible - even if she were willing- which she probably isn't - how could we do anything here on this train? Maybe she'll give me her phone number though - maybe I can take her out while I'm in Los Angeles. Yeah, that would be great - not only would I have some one to date while I'm in the city, but maybe - maybe we can even make - make love... aw, what's the sense in dreaming things like that - I'm just another guy to her ~ we'll probably never see each other again the minute this train gets into the station! So I'd better forget the whole idea before I start eating my heart out over her...
It was then that Gloria came down the aisle and smiled at him. And her words, as she stopped and bent her head close to his, seemed to stun him.
"That pretty girl you were with, Timmy? She wants you!"
There was no further explanation or comment - for when she had finished, Gloria straightened up and continued on down the aisle and went out of the car.
Timmy turned to look at her, hoping she'd come back and explain what she had said. But she went out the door leaving him alone with the mystery of her statement...
Now what did she mean by that! Bet she's just pulling my leg. No - she wouldn't do that to me - I know that Not Gloria. Maybe -maybe she's telling me the truth. Sure, I bet that's it After all, who knows what goes on in a girl's mind better than another girl?
And so it was with eager expectation that Timmy waited for Dinah to return from the dining car. He didn't know what he was going to do or say, but he knew he was going to do something...
She returned and he scrunched up his knees to let her pass. Finally she settled in the seat by the window and turned to face him. There was a soft smile on her lips when she looked at him and he unsuccessfully tried to interpret its meaning.
"Thank you for the dinner."
He nodded and continued to study her face for some clue as to what she was thinking. But in spite of her youth, Dinah was already wise in the ways of woman and so her look was noncommittal.
They were silent now - as if to talk would be embarrassing - and spent most of the time, as the train headed south, looking out into the night.
Darkness had settled on the countryside and its effect was beginning to be felt inside the train. Voices were now hushed - people had fallen silent - some were already sleeping with their heads back in the tilted chairs.
And then the lights dimmed in the car and only faint silhouettes of the passengers were visible.
Timmy sighed and stretched his long legs into a more comfortable and relaxed position. He was aware of Dinah pushing the button on the arm of her chair so that it went into a reclining position, and then he felt her settle her body as if preparing to go to sleep.
"You don't mind if I try to get some sleep," she whispered up at him. "It's still several hours before we get in and I thought I'd get some rest."
"Not at all," he answered hurriedly. "As a matter of fact, it's a pretty good idea. Think I'll try and get some myself."
They moved and turned, trying to find a position on the seats that would enable them to sleep, but after a few moments Timmy realized it was no use and gave it up. He stared a-round the car, noting how quickly some of the other passengers had fallen asleep and wondered how they could do it Even most of his friends were quiet now and he sat tensely in the chair wondering how he was going to pass the time until they arrived in Los Angeles.
"Would you mind reaching up onto the rack and getting me a blanket?" Doris quietly interrupted his thoughts. "It's getting awfully chilly in here."
Clumsily, in the darkness, Timmy stood up and reached into the overhead rack. He found the blanket and after unspreading it, handed it to Dinah. She whispered her thanks to him and then busied herself with covering her sprawling body. Then once again she settled down and tried to sleep...
Timmy sat down next to her, aware of the female aroma of her. They lay side by side in the two chairs as the train hurtled through the night, and Timmy closed his eyes and tried to forget his previous thoughts regarding the girl next to him...
A short time later he felt her move in apparent sleep as she tried to find a more comfortable position. She twisted and turned, groaned sleep-sounds in her effort, and finally settling herself with her head resting against his shoulder.
He looked down at her, his body once again stiff and tense because of her presence. And as he looked at the silhouette of her hair and face, he felt the desire begin to grow within him. He blushed in the darkness, grateful that nobody could see what was happening to him and then tried to occupy his mind with the kind of thoughts that he believed would dim his growing desire.
But it was no use, the feeling wouldn't go away - wouldn't diminish. If anything, it became more pronounced...
He felt the heat rise to his face and licked his dry lips. This never happened to me before, he thought to himself. And there's nothing I can do about it except to let it happen... and then hope that it goes away before she wakes up. Good thing it's so dark in this car - at least nobody can see me...
In her half-sleep, Dinah shivered because of the cloth. Instinctively she reached down and began to tuck the blanket around her body in an effort to protect herself from the penetrating chill of the railroad car.
And it was then that her hand brushed against Timmy. Though it was accidental, there was nothing to prevent her from becoming immediately aware of the situation.
"Oooh," she murmured, suddenly fully a-wake. And then she withdrew her hand as if it had touched fire.
But it was too late - she had already been burned. And as they lay there in the darkness, they were both aware of the situation.
The red flush of embarrassment covered Tim-my's face and he sat stiff and tense, wondering what to do or say. He wanted to reach out to her - to pull her close to him - but his natural shyness and inhibitions prevented him from making the first overture.
And as for Dinah? She too was stiff and tense. And curious. And, as her mind imaged the picture of Timmy's situation, she became nervously desirous...
And so, it was then that she moved closer to him. And when their shoulders touched she lifted her face and closed her eyes in expectation. A soft moan escaped from her half-opened mouth as she waited for him to do something.
He sensed what was happening and not really knowing what he was doing, he bent his face close to hers...
Their mouths met in a searing surge of moist lips and their bodies quivered with the initial shock of the sensation. Delight piled on delight and through half-opened lips their tongues met in embrace.
Dinah was breathing heavily when she suddenly pulled her mouth away from his. He could feel the shivering of her body next to his and though he wanted to reach over and touch her, he still didn't have the nerve.
It was then that he became aware of her spreading the blanket so that it covered both of them. Reaching down, he removed the arm rest between the two reclining chairs and placed it quietly on the floor between his feet. Then, with a sigh, Dinah moved even closer to him.
He kissed her again- long and sensuously- and when it was done, he could feel the goosebumps of pleasure up and down her bare arms. She seemed to be shivering uncontrollably and his hands on her shoulders turned her onto her side so that she was facing him.
She buried her face into his chest and whispered the words without looking up at him. Words that made him quiver with anticipation and apprehension.
"Be gentle, Timmy - please be gentle I've - I've never done this - this before."
And as he drew her in even closer, he knew the meaning behind the words. Dinah was a virgin. And for whatever her reason, she was willing to surrender that virginity to him.
He kissed her again. Softly and with a circular movement of his mouth against hers. And as he did, his hands quietly reached for her breasts.
He smothered the sound of her passion with his lips as she responded to his touch. And then, though she tried to draw away from him, his hands pushed even harder against her. It was then that she began to relax to the sensation. Began to fill her body with the de light.
His fingers crawled down and lifted the sweater up to her shoulders. He felt the satin skin of her torso and then he was working at the hooks at the back of the brassiere. It fell away from her body and he quickly cupped the quivering flesh of her breasts. She whimpered at his touch and then, as his fingers worked and caressed at her nipples, her head fell against him and she was sobbing as the de light crawled higher and higher into her being.
Her nipples erected into hardened rosebuds and her breathing shallowed as she was caught up in the ecstasy of the sensation. Cupping her breasts in his hands, Timmy bent his face and his lips found their target Dinah moaned at the first touch and he could feel the heat of her flesh against his cheek. The taste was sweet and sensuous and though she tried to pull away from him, it wasn't because of resistance but rather because of the pain of the delight And as his tongue worked against the hardened tips, the fingers of his free hand stroked and soothed at the ribbon of flesh above the waistline of her skirt.
And the velvet skin responded.
Muscles quivered and rolled as he caressed her and she began to twist and writhe in delight. He heard the sounds of pleasure escaping from her lips against his throat and in response she began to push harder and harder against him. It was as if she were seeking to absorb every sensation through the pores of her flesh.
He heard the sounds of her shoes dropping to the floor as she kicked them off, and then he became aware of her fingers on top of his as she toyed with the buttons at the side of her skirt. Under the blanket, she began to squirm and wiggle and then her hands were working the garment down over her hips and legs. Her body, now free, pressured against his and his hands crawled around to her buttocks. He could feel the silk of her panties under his fingers and the clenching and unclenching of her muscles as she responded to his touch and he knew that she was offering herself to him completely.
"Oh do it," she moaned. "Please do it. I've wanted someone to do it for so long -someone that I knew would - would take care of me."
He tensed at the words, realizing how much trust she was putting in him. How much she believed in the goodness of what he was going to do to her. And he remembered his own inexperience - his own difficulty and what it had done to him. And then he wondered if he was capable...
She seemed to sense his sudden reluctance and, almost in panic, she shoved herself even harder against him, thrusting her pelvis into position.
"I don't know- know what to do," she moaned. "Show me - please show me!" And so he showed her.
His fingers traced the ribbon of flesh of her thighs and her response was quick and sure. She whimpered and moaned and began to thrash under the blanket. His mouth covered hers in an effort to smother the sudden cry of passion so that it wouldn't be overheard and his arms tightened around her, stifling her frenzied movements so that she wouldn't in her excitement, kick off the blankets and reveal what they were doing to any passer-by.
Slowly, her actions subdued and quieted as he held her tightly. And while he held her he became even more aware of the heat of her passion against him. And of the almost surging desire within himself.
He had never felt so much a male in his life and he revelled with the feeling of masculinity. And he knew that Dinah did also. Tentatively, almost reluctantly, she reached down and gingerly touched him. Then she grasped tightly and cried in delight at what she was doing.
His fingers continued to stroke and caress at her thighs and she spread her legs almost involuntarily. Then his hands pushed against her and her body shook with a sharp spasm of pleasure. He could feel her through the softness of her panties and her writhing, twisting body told him that it still wasn't enough.
Fingers hooked into the waist of the silk and he quickly thumbed the panties down over her thighs and legs. Her feet kicked them free and then she thrust her unencumbered torso against him with a ferocity that he didn't think she was capable of showing.
"Oh, do it - do it - please do it, already!" she whimpered. And then, because of the claw of ecstasy that was raking at her being, she no longer could wait Her hands and fingers pulled and tugged at his belt and zipper and it was with a glad and almost relieved sigh that she welcomed him against her heaving flesh.
"I can't wait - Timmy, I can't wait!" she breathed excitedly into him. "Please - please - PLEASE!"
Once again he was forced to smother a scream of passion as he thrust against her.
"Oooh, it hurts - gentle -please be gentle," she whimpered with passion that was a plea because of the sudden thrust of pain.
And so, remembering Gloria, he suddenly gentled his movements and his actions. He became a soothing, tender man as he nursed her through the agonies of the aches. And then, as the passion and the pleasure overcame the hurts and the discomfort, Dinah suddenly lost all control.
They were on their sides, facing each other when she finally let go in complete surrender to what was happening. Her buttocks arched and her hips thrust forward and she lunged against him with an almost savage ferocity. Her gyrating movements became uncontrolled and her fingers clawed at his back as she fought against the ever-rising tide of heat and sensation and color that threatened to consume her.
She was crying now, sobbing softly as the feelings of delight completely overwhelmed her. She had never felt anything like this before and though she had long lived with the expectation of what it would be like when it finally happened, the reality more than matched her imagination.
And so she let go. Gave herself to it Willingly.
Then the strange feeling began to climb through her body. She felt herself being pulled and yanked toward some unknown world of pleasure that, because of its strangeness, she was afraid to face. And in her fear, she clung desperately to Timmy...
He seemed to understand what was happening to her. Seemed to know what she was going through. And he also knew that there was no turning back.
"Oh hurry - hurry - please hurry! Make it happen!" she whimpered, her body now soaked with the perspiration of passion.
And so he made it happen.
With one last and final lunge against her, he thrust deep and her head fell back on her neck in response and the fibres of her body seemed to fuse and then melt as the raging torrent of pain and pleasure swept over her...
Her scream was torn from the depth of her throat and his mouth covered hers quickly. Her head began to twist from side to side as again and again the delight dazzled her. Up... up... up it carried her to the dizzy heights that she had never scaled before. And then she stepped off into the blackness of nothingness and fell... down... down... down...
Timmy joined her a second later, his body being ripped by the jagged explosion that jarred and shook his being. Then he was aware of the constant shuddering of the girl in his arms and he quickly gathered her close to him and held her tightly as the aftershocks of pleasure continued to drain her. Slowly the delight subsided and though her body still occasionally quivered with a spasm of sensation, he knew that it was all over...
She lay still against him, limp and spent and exhausted. And though she was aware of the dull and constant throb of ache and pain in her loins, she was also aware of the pleasure of the completion of her passion.
It had been good.
It had been delightful.
It had been everything she had expected it to be - everything she had hoped it would be. And because she remembered the stories of disappointment and unfulfillment that her girl friends had told her about the first experiences, she sensed the reason for her happiness.
The boy who was still holding her tightly in a protective embrace.
And she looked up at him and smiled gratefully.
"Thank you," she whispered to him. "Thank you, Timmy."
He smiled a knowing smile down into her glowing face. "For what?" he asked in a low voice.
"For being the lover that you are - for being so - so experienced. I - I know what it could have been like with - with someone else... " Then her voice trailed away and he became aware of her hunting for her panties under the blanket and of her struggle because of the confinement as she tugged them up over her legs and thighs.
And though he knew that he would see her while he was in Los Angeles, his thoughts were of someone else. Someone who had shown him the way. Someone who had freed him and had made him a man... Someone whom he wished would find the happiness that was now his...
Someone named Gloria.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Gloria watched Timmy and the tall sensuous girl with him eating dinner in the dining car. They hadn't noticed her sitting by herself at the window when they had passed her table and she smiled at the sight of the young couple. Forgets all about me as soon as he finds another girl, she thought to herself with pretended humor. Isn't that just like a man?
But she knew it would always be like that with Timmy - there would always be plenty of females in his life. Some men are like that -and it has nothing to do with their looks -there's something about them that attracts women. Must be a sort of magnetism, some mysterious aura that causes women to want to be with them. And it isn't just sex - though of course that's a part of it - but that's not the only reason. Maybe we want to mother them - or maybe it's the other way around, maybe we want them to take care of us. I don't know what it is- but that boy's got it - and in spades! No, he'll never have to worry about there being a shortage of females, he'll always have more than his share... " Unobserved because of her position, she continued to watch them. She became aware that something was strained between them - something that was making them uncomfortable -and she wondered what it was. And it wasn't until she saw the expression on Dinah's face when she casually snuck a glance at Timmy out of the corner of her eyes, that Gloria realized what was wrong...
"They're wondering what it would be like to make love to each other! I've seen that look on a man's face before - and I've certainly felt it! Sure, that's what it is - they want each other and they don't know how to go about getting each other! Poor kids, in their shyness they'll probably never get around to finding out...!"
She continued eating and watching them, looking for some telltale clue that would indicate that they had made their decision. But none came and Gloria began to doubt if it would ever come. It was then that Dinah's girl friend appeared at the table and she watched the incident with more than just passing curiosity. She watched Timmy get up and leave and saw the expression of desire on the girl's face as she watched him go to the end of the car. Then Timmy turned and left the dining car to go to his seat. Gloria sighed, and over her menu saw the two girls suddenly lower their heads in animated conversation. Straining she picked up a few words and realized they were talking about Timmy. And it was then that she decided she would do something. Though she didn't know exactly what she would do, she only knew that she wanted to do something...
"After all, he's sort of like my protege now,"' she mused to herself as she paid her check and left the dining room, "if I can only give him some help."
Coming into the car where Timmy had reseated himself, she saw the miserable and forlorn expression on his face. She began to walk down the aisle, and though she really didn't want to butt in or interfere with his life, Gloria suddenly was overwhelmed with the need to say something to him...
And so she stopped alongside his seat and lowering her head, whispered the words hurriedly into his ear.
"That pretty girl you were with, Timmy? She wants you very much!"
And then Gloria straightened up and quickly moved to the door that separated the two railroad cars. Before going through, she turned and looked at his back. It was stiff and tense and she smiled as she realized that not only had he heard what she had whispered to him, but that he had also understood and was making up his mind what to do about them. With a sigh, Gloria closed the door behind her and went into her own car and walked rapidly toward her seat. She was surprised to see Alan Courtney sitting there waiting for her...
"Hello Gloria," he said in a low and embarrassed voice. "Saw you get on the train and I thought you might like some company until we get into Los Angeles."
She didn't know how to respond as she slid across his hunched knees into her seat by the window. She edged herself as far away from him as possible, remembering their embarrassed meetings on the school grounds after the fiasco of her going to his apartment, and she wondered why he should want to talk to her now... why he should suddenly become friendly.
"Besides," he went on slowly, not quite sure of himself, "I guess - I guess I owe you an apology."
Her body stiffened with the realization of what Alan wanted to talk about - for the remembrance of it was still embarrassing to her.
"What for, Alan?" she asked skeptically, turning her head to study his profile.
He stared at the back of the seat in front of them, unable to look at her. "About how I acted after ~ after you came to my apartment that night" Gloria remained silent unable to think of an appropriate answer.
Oblivious to her silence, he went on. "Guess my male ego and pride got a little hurt... that's why - why I said some things about you that I shouldn't have said."
She had to admire him for she knew that there was no reason for Alan Courtney to make this confession to her. That the only reasons were his own feelings about himself. Because, if he had said nothing to her, it wouldn't have changed anybody's opinion about him. So the only reason he was saying it was because of his own opinion about himself.
Then, with determination, he turned to look at her. "So I'm sorry if I said anything to hurt you, Gloria - or anything that caused you any embarrassment. Though I can't undo any of the things I did say, I want you to know that I'm sorry about it."
She smiled at him then. Tentatively. But warmly. "That's all right, Alan. I understand."
And she did understand. Recalling that night, she knew what must have gone inside him. She knew of his frustration and anger - frustration and anger that she had caused. And now, she even knew the reason for having caused them.
It was because she had gone to his apartment with one purpose in mind. To take from Alan Courtney. To use him.
And now she wished there were something she could do to undo the wrong she had caused.
The apology over, they began to relax with each other, making small talk about their plans for the coming vacation.
"Just staying in Los Angeles overnight," he was saying. "Got a sister that I owe a visit to - then I'm going on to San Diego for some sailing and fishing."
"By yourself?" she asked, wondering why she was curious about that.
He shook his head. "No - getting together with a couple of old college buddies - sort of a bachelor's reunion."
"Oh," she answered with understanding. And then she wondered why she was happy with the knowledge that there weren't to be any women along...
After discussing odds and ends for a while, they seemed to run out of things to talk about and an awkward silence spread between them. It was as if they were both trying to reach each other but neither one of them knew exactly how to go about it.
Alan's face suddenly brightened. "Say, there's a club car on this train - would you like to have a drink with me?"
"Yes," Gloria answered eagerly. And it was true - she really wanted to have a drink with him. Or maybe her eagerness was because she didn't want the conversation to end...
He stood up and then helped her out into the aisle. Walking behind her, he held her elbow in protection against the sudden swaying of the train as they headed toward the rear. She liked the touch of his hand on her skin and though she was conjecturing ahead to what might happen, she quickly shook off any ideas because of the limitations and restrictions imposed by the confinement of the train.
Finally they were in the last car and, standing in the doorway, they were surprised at the number of people. It was filled to over-crowding and they waited patiently for seats. Finally a waiter came over to them, shrugging with a wide smile.
"Got a pair of seats down at the end if you don't mind sharing the table?" he asked of Alan.
He shrugged helplessly as he turned to Gloria. "Well, what do you say?"
"Why not - at least we'll get to sit down. And besides, maybe they'll leave in a little while." She couldn't put her finger on the exact reason, but Gloria knew that she preferred being alone with Alan while they were drinking.
They followed the waiter to the rear of the dining car and he smiled them to a small table near the window. A short fat man get up as they approached and with a greasy smile, bowed them to the two unoccupied chairs on the other side of the small round table.
"Be my guests - be my guests," he said loudly, and instinctively Gloria flinched. Not only didn't she like small fat men, she especially detested loud ones.
He dominated the conversation as soon as the waiter had taken their order, regaling them with stories of how nice it was to have a young couple to talk with - and how lonely he had been until they had come - and of how eager he was to get home to his wife and children in Los Angeles. It seemed that he was a salesman and had been out on the road for almost a month - which would account for his eagerness to get home.
"... work for a brassiere company," he said in explanation. "... pull down two hundred a week!" Then he laughed loudly and obscenely, looking from one to the other to see their reaction to his joke. Gloria buried her face in the glass in front of her, noting the embarrassed grin on Alan's face.
"Don't you get it?" the fat man said eagerly. "Brassieres... pull down two hundred a week... it's a trade joke."
By this time they both nodded and it was as if this was all the encouragement the man needed. It was as if their acceptance of his quip had suddenly made them closer and more intimate.
He leaned across the table and studied Gloria. She blushed again when she saw that he was studying her breasts. Finally, he looked up and nodded in appreciation. " In my business you get to see all shapes and sizes - some too big, some too small- some that hang like a cow's udder and some with so much uplift that they'd knock your teeth out if you got too close - but honey, yours are perfect - beautiful. Haven't seen a pair like yours in years!"
Though she knew he was only discussing her clinically, somehow the idea of her breasts being a subject for open discussion upset her. She didn't think she was being prudish or old-fashioned, it was just that she didn't like the idea of this short fat man mentally taking off her brassiere and then handling her breasts like they were so much meat. And besides, the presence of Alan Courtney only accentuated her embarrassment. Perhaps she would have felt differently if he had never seen her naked -if he had never touched and caressed and petted them - if he hadn't stroked her nipples into erection- maybe she wouldn't have been so completely embarrassed then, but she knew from the tense look on Alan's face exactly what he was thinking, and the thought only accentuated her discomfort and displeasure.
Besides, she was imagining the same thing. She was imagining him touching and stroking and caressing her breasts and the thought of it brought a blush to her cheeks. And so, once again she bowed her head and busied herself with the glass in her hands.
The apparent lack of vocal objection by either of them to the conversation seemed to be all the encouragement the salesman needed. For then his conversation changed- then he began to regale them with stories of how much easier it was for a salesman to make out. He told them of his sexual conquests - and though Gloria didn't believe any of the stories - because she couldn't understand how a woman could be attracted to him - she couldn't help but listen attentively and with interest.
It seemed that every female who crossed his path couldn't wait to go to bed with him. It didn't make any difference where he was or what the circumstances - or how they looked - or their ages - or whether they were married or not - when the brassiere salesman crossed their paths, their clothes came off within half an hour of their meeting and they were thrilled as they had never been thrilled before. To hear him tell it, he was the world's newest Casanova...
And then to prove his wild stories he reached into his back pocket and withdrew a small black book. He thumbed through it for them and Gloria saw that page after page of names and telephone numbers. It was like an anthology of his conquests...
"Everyone of them," he was saying, "from the first one I ever scored with when I was twelve years old - she was my school teacher - to the one I made yesterday just before I got on the train - she was only eighteen and just ripe!"
Gloria tried not to look at the book but found herself unable to tear her eyes away from it. It was as if it had magnetic rays that were causing her to turn her head and stare.
"I learned one thing about how you make out with a woman," he then said and leaned back in his chair triumphantly as he sipped deeply of the drink in front of him.
The statement goaded Gloria like bait does to a fish. And she nibbled breathlessly at it "What's that?" she asked in a low voice, leaning over the table in her eagerness to hear his answer.
He finished the drink and put it back on the table with emphasis. Then he looked her straight in the eye and also leaned forward so that their faces were close together- so close that she could smell the aroma of the alcohol...
"All you gotta do is ask," he answered. "Just ask, that's all."
"Ask?" she queried, her eyebrows screwing into circles of confusion.
"That's right," he repeated. "Just ask. Ask them if they want to go to bed or not - because all they can do is say yes or no. And you'd be surprised how many times they say yes!" He leaned back in his chair as if waiting for their applause at his revelation. "And another thing," he then went on, "a lot of women have told me that the only reason they didn't go to bed with a particular guy is that he never asked them ~ and most females are too shy to do the suggesting." Then, turning to look directly at Gloria as if seeking confirmation, he asked, "Isn't that right, Miss - hasn't that ever happened to you?"
Gloria rocked back in her chair, too embarrassed to answer. And yet she knew the shocked expression on her face had given her away. She knew both of them realized the truth.
It is true, she thought to herself. What he's saying is true It ~ it happened with Alan - I - I wanted him that night, but I thought he'd never get around to asking me - to ~ to doing anything about it! Oh, I wish we could change the subject - all this talk about sex and going to bed and the dirty stories is making me -making me want it. I can feel what's happening inside me - and - and ever since that night with Timmy - and what happened - I've wanted to go to bed with a man to see if it could happen again - if - if I would feel the same things I felt with that boy...
So even though she didn't answer the brassiere salesman, her silence was enough of an answer. And he quickly took advantage of the situation.
"Whatdya say, Miss? I can tell from the way that you two are acting that you aren't more than just friends - oh, maybe you've been to bed once or twice - but that's all that gives between the two of you - nothing like love or anything. And since there isn't, I figure it's time I made my pitch - so how about it?"
"How about what?" Gloria asked in a tiny voice. But even though she asked the question, she knew what he was talking about.
"You and me." His fingers wigwagged back and forth between them. " The two of us. How about our getting together later? In my compartment?"
He asked the question as matter-of-factly as if he were asking her the time of day. But Gloria's reactions weren't that simple.
First she blushed. A rising tide of heat and color creeping from her throat into her face. Then, accompanying the flush, she felt the surge of anger. It smothered in her throat so that she couldn't speak - couldn't say the words that wanted to explode out of her being at the man's obscene proposition.
But she heard them any way.
From Alan.
He had risen out of his chair, and reaching across the table, had grabbed the small fat man by the lapels of his jacket. His face seemed livid with anger.
"Who the hell do you think you are, Mister! Saying things like that to her! Maybe you can get away with it with some of the tramps you meet, but not with her! Now, do you apologize, or do I beat it out of you!"
The man was stuttering and stammering, the fear now obvious in his face. He knew that Alan wasn't merely bluffing - that he intended to carry out his threat. And so he managed to get out a muffled apology to Gloria - words which though they didn't take away all of the hurt and indignation, still managed to smooth her ruffled feelings.
"Now get out of here, Mister," Alan ordered when the man finished the apology. "Get out and stay out!"
The man stumbled out of his chair and pushed his way through the crowd of curious on-lookers. Gloria, aware for the first time that she was the center of curiosity, bowed her head and wished she could sink through the floor of the railroad car. It was then that Alan's hand crept over hers and she quickly looked up into his solemn face.
"I'm sorry I let that happen, Gloria," he said reassuringly. "It was my fault - I should have stopped him as soon as I realized what kind of a man he was." Then he patted her hand and she felt strangely comforted by the action and his presence. "Do you want to go now - I'll take you back to your seat so you can get some rest."
"Oh no," she answered quickly. "I don't think I could look at all those people right now." Pointing over her shoulder with her chin, she indicated the still-curious onlookers. But deep down inside, she knew that was only part of her reluctance to leave. The other part had to do with her not wanting Alan Courtney to leave her...
"All right," he said with a smile of apparent understanding. "Why don't I order us another round of drinks. By the time we finish them everybody will have forgotten what happened."
Without waiting for her response, he called over the waiter and placed the order. While they were waiting for it to be filled, they sat silently next to each other ~ each deep in the depths of their own thoughts.
It was Gloria who spoke first. The question had been bothering her almost since they had met the small fat man and though she didn't know why she asked it of Alan, it suddenly blurted out of her mouth.
"Do you think he's right, Alan?"
"About what?"
"About - about men not - not making out because they don't ask the girl if they want to go to bed with them?"
There, it was said and she felt relieved because of it.
It was his turn to be embarrassed. Gloria could sense it in the nervous way he began to tear the matches out of the paper pack. "I -I really don't know," he finally answered.
"How about you, Alan - did - did you ever ask a girl to go to bed with you?" She didn't know where she had found the nerve to ask him a question as personal as that, but now that she had started on this track, there was no turning back.
He shook his head. " I don't think so. Guess I'm not that nervy. With me, it just seems to happen. You go out with a girl - wine her and dine her - and at the end of the evening you both seem to know if you're going to make love. If you hit it off, it's almost the natural thing to do. Isn't that how it is with you?"
Gloria nodded slowly in agreement - even though in her case her experiences were limited. But she realized that the procedure that Alan had just described was the normal one between most men and women.
And it was then that she remembered going to his apartment and propositioning him! Unable to look at him as if afraid he would read her thoughts, she turned and pretended to look for the waiter.
But it was obvious that Alan had been thinking the same thing she had been thinking!
"You ought to know what he was talking about, Gloria," he whispered. "Isn't that what you did to me?"
"Yes," she answered in a low hushed tone. "But not for the same reason as that man does it."
His fingers under her chin forced Gloria to turn her head and look at him. She had never seen him with such a serious expression before. "Then why did you do it, Gloria? What made you do it?"
She wanted to tell him. Oh, how she wanted to tell him. But her pride wouldn't let her. And whatever nerve she might have had, she completely lost And so she couldn't tell him. And it was then that she remembered something else the man had said. Something else that enabled her to answer him without answering him.
"How was it possible for that man to know about us - I mean about our just being friends and having gone to bed with each other once or twice? Do you think it's possible to tell things like that about people, Alan? I mean - about their sexual experiences with each other?"
He shrugged as he continued to study her. "I don't know - I suppose so if you make a study of it. But I don't feel that clinical about sex - I just want to enjoy it with a woman, I don't want to do a term paper about it."
She smiled at his attempt at humor and then sighed with relief when the waiter finally came with their drinks. It wasn't until Alan had paid him and they had both taken deep swallows of the alcohol that the silence was broken again.
This time it was by Alan.
And his words surprised and confused and embarrassed her because she didn't expect them.
"But maybe that man has the right idea," he said. "Maybe I'd make out more often if I just asked the girl to make love... " He paused and Gloria didn't respond. She couldn't, she was too busy waiting expectantly for his next words...
They came quickly. Almost as if he were afraid of saying them.
"How about it, Gloria? Would you like to make love with me?"
The thoughts and the memories flashed through her consciousness almost instantaneously. Thoughts of desire and passion and wanting. Of what had been building up between them ever since she had returned from the dining car to find him waiting for her. And memories of what had happened previously between them. Of the failure of their love-making. Of how she must have lowered herself in his eyes because of what she had attempted with him and how, because of something within her, she had failed him. Of her brazenness that night when she had appeared in his apartment, baring her body to him.
And a final memory of her only successful effort in bed with a man - a man who was really only a boy.
And she wondered if that was all she was capable of - seducing a mere youth. Could she satisfy an adult man? And could she be satisfied herself?
And so, because she wondered - and needed - she quickly nodded her head and said, "All right, Alan. Yes, I'd like to make love with you - I'd like it very much, as a matter of fact."
His face set at her response and Gloria wondered what was going to happen now. Though she had agreed she still didn't know what he planned to do. After all, this was a train - it wasn't like having the freedom of movement that would enable them to go wherever they pleased. And somehow the thought of making love with him in the seats of the car was repulsive to her. It was so public - anyone who happened to pass might see them. No, she knew she couldn't do that - it would be too inhibiting. And so she wondered what he planned to do...
She watched him push out of his chair and walk toward the end of the car where the bar was set up. He motioned to a conductor who was taking a break and quickly engaged him in conversation when the man came over to him. Gloria watched their heads move together and studied Alan's lips. She didn't know what he was saying - she only knew it had something to do with her. She was convinced of it when the conductor raised his head and looked over Alan's shoulder in her direction. She felt the flush of a blush spread into her cheeks when he smiled at her and then he quickly nodded and said something to Alan. Some money changed hands and then the conductor was handing something to the tall thin man. She watched Alan nod his thanks and pocket whatever it was he had been given. Then quickly he returned to their table.
She waited silently for him to make an explanation or to tell her what to do but he sat quietly sipping at his drink. It wasn't until he had finished it and, after looking at his wrist-watch, that he finally spoke.
"We can go now, Gloria. Unless you've changed your mind."
She shook her head and stood up, not knowing where to go or what to do. He seemed to sense her indecision and taking her firmly by the arm, he led her out of the club car. They were silent as he directed her through several parlor cars and it wasn't until they had reached the first sleeping car that he spoke.
"This is it," he said, indicating a door and taking a key out of his pocket. It was then that Gloria understood what had transpired between him and the conductor. He had bribed him for the use of an unoccupied compartment Though she thought she should feel indignation and shame - it was like shacking up in a motel for a few hours - but to her surprise, she felt nothing.
Except impatience as he fumbled with the key in the lock.
Finally he had the door open and stepped aside, to let Gloria go past him into the compartment He followed quickly behind her, locking the door after him.
The room was small - and the made-up bed dominated it. It seemed to point out from the wall at them like an accusing finger and partly in shame and partly in embarrassment Gloria turned away from it. At that moment, she didn't want to look at it. It was too sharp a reminder of why she was here...
"Now what?" she said quietly, looking at Alan through downcast eyes.
He shrugged nervously. And his silence told her what to do.
It told her that she wasn't there for conversation or to make small talk. It told her that she hadn't come with this man to play games or to pretend. She had come to his compartment with Alan Courtney for just one reason...
To make love with him.
She sighed with the realization of the coldness of the mood. There was no romance. No warmth. No real desire. No flush of passion. There was just the two of them- a man and a woman about to do what men and women have done since time began.
Make love Turning her back, Gloria began to undress.
It was as simple as that. There were no preliminaries. No embraces. No kisses. And none were expected - or needed.
There was only getting ready.
She was aware of him moving to the other side of the bed and when she heard the sound of his shoe dropping, she shuddered involuntarily. For now there was no turning back. No reneging. Now there was only going through with it...
And so, lifting her arms over her head, she worked her sweater off her shoulders and tugged it free. Then, after unzipping the zipper at her side, she wiggled the skirt down over her legs. Picking it up between her fingers, she draped it carelessly over a chair. Then she kicked her shoes off. It was then that she happened to catch sight of herself in a full-length mirror set in the door. The black lace brassiere covered her breasts and yet she felt as if her upper torso were naked. A half-slip covered her garter belt and panties and she blushed as she wondered if Alan was looking at her. Suddenly a wave of shyness swept over her and she wondered what to do about it. Finding some kind of cover was the only solution and the only cover was under the blankets of the bed. So, she quickly finished undressing. Reaching be hind her back, she unhooked the snaps of the brassiere and then bending forward, pulled it down over her arms and shoulders. Her lush and full breasts fell free and just the thoughts of the possibility of Alan's seeing them caused her nipples to harden like pink rosebuds. Impatient now, she hooked her thumbs into the waistline of the half-slip, garter belt, and panties, and in one motion pulled them down - along with her silk stocking ~ over and off her lower torso. Peeking into the full-length mirror, she glanced at her naked profile and wondered if a man would find it pleasing. If Alan Courtney found it pleasing...
It was then that the lights in the compartment went out and she was grateful to him for his consideration at her shyness.
Quickly, she slipped between the sheets and waited tensely for him. She pulled in a breath as his weight on the edge of the bed told her of his presence. And then he was alongside her and she waited like a corpse for his first move But nothing happened. He lay silently at her side, not moving, and with his hands clasped behind his neck. Gloria lay still and stiff, her arms tense at her sides, and the only sounds she could hear were the steady click-clack of the iron wheels on the rails.
Why doesn't he do something, she thought to herself. Why doesn't he kiss me - or touch me? Why is he torturing me like this! I - I can't stand the waiting - oh, I wish he'd do something already! Anything! But - but I can't stand this... I just can't...
She gasped when he spoke, the sudden sound frightening her.
"Relax, Gloria - just relax. I'm not going to hurt you - really I'm not."
Grateful for his concern and for his empathy, she smothered a sob, turning her head in his direction.
"Are you sure you want to go through with it?" he then asked slowly. "You can change your mind, you know. And there'll be no harm done."
But she knew she couldn't change her mind. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't For she knew that she had to find out the truth once and for all. And if she couldn't find it out with this man she knew that the next opportunity might not be so pleasant - it might turn out to be somebody like the short fat brassiere salesman. The thought of it disgusted her and she smothered a sob with the palm of her hand.
"Are you all right?" Alan asked quickly, turning to face her. "Is anything wrong?"
She shook her head unable to speak. Unable to speak because in his movement, his leg was thrown against hers. The touch of his flesh against hers caused her to shiver in anticipation. And in eagerness. And in fear.
Fear, because she knew what ultimately was going to happen between them. And because it was, she also knew she would have to face it - face the possibility that she would react and respond to him as she had previously done.
And so Gloria waited, tense and afraid -for she didn't want to face the inevitable - the unknown.
They lay on their sides, facing each other, their bodies tense and rigid. And it was then that his hand crept out and his fingers lifted her chin so that she had to look at him. The initial touch was like removing the stone that guards the whole dam - for with that touch, her body and her resistance seemed to crumble, and with a soft cry she thrust herself against him, her shoulders shaking with the convulsion of her fear.
Alan seemed to understand what was happening to her - for his arms crept under her body and around her shoulders and his hands on her back drew her in even closer. She was shaking as the tension crumbled and she lay stiff and quivering against him.
And aware of his masculinity.
The awareness of it caused her to suck in her breath in sharp response. And though she tried to push it out of her mind, the image wouldn't go away. And as it became firmly imprinted, her desire increased. And as her desire increased, her fears diminished...
And so it was with eagerness that she gave herself to his first kiss when he lifted her face from his shoulder.
Her mouth opened quickly and her body shivered with the brush of his lips against hers. They worked against each other and she could feel the tightening of his hands on her back drawing her in closer and closer as the sensations mounted and heightened.
Then his tongue probed deeply with an almost savage thrust and she cried out with the delight of it His mouth smothered her outburst and he drew her in even tighter against him...
The kiss seemed like an eternity of bliss and as the sensations increased, Gloria sensed the rising tide of warmth and heat spreading from her loins into her body.
Her body began to move against his then -in slow undulations because of the growing tide of her passion and desire And then, when it seemed she would suffocate, she slowly pulled her mouth away from his and buried her face against his chest.
It wasn't because of her displeasure - it was because she couldn't stand the sharp bite of sensation that was knifing into her being.
He held her like that - close against him -with his fingers stroking and caressing at the muscles of her back and shoulders. And once more under his touch, she felt herself begin to relax.
It was then that she became aware of the movements of his hands. They seemed to crawl from behind her and then to flutter gently between their bodies until they came to rest on her breasts.
She sucked in a breath at the first touch, thrilling to the ecstasy of pleasure and sensation that bubbled within her. She moved then -moved so that it was easier for him. Easier for him to touch and caress and stroke.
And the full, lush flesh responded as if his fingers were talons of flame burning and tearing at her skin.
"Ooohh," she murmured, her face still buried against his chest as the palms of his hands pushed against her nipples. She was aware of the physicalness of their erection but was even more aware of the feelings of delight and pleasure that coursed through her. Her upper torso was on fire now, and she delighted in its response.
Her hands moved up to the sides of his face, then, framing it in an embrace. Then her fingers were locking in his hair and were forcing his head down to her breasts. Lower... lower... lower...
"More... more... more," she murmured. "I want you to do more." And so Alan did more.
His lips found her nipples and she squirmed with the frenzy of her pleasure.
"Oooh, good - so good!"
And it became better as his hands shaped and moulded her breasts while his mouth and lips and tongue swept and caressed them into heaving mounds of response.
She felt the beginnings of passion's perspiration blossom over her flesh and the flush of warmth and heat caused her face to tint She strained against his hands - leaning forward and arching her back so that the fullness of her breasts were pushed against the palms of hands. Then she began to gyrate in slow undulations -as if seeking to absorb even more of the sensations.
Then his hands pushed her back down on the bed and she shuddered as his face seemed to loom over her. Shuddered not from fear or apprehension, but from impatience and need...
It's always like this... at first. It always has been, anyway. I love a man's hands on me - love to feel him touching and caressing and - and probing. Makes me feel like a woman - makes me feel like I'm being completed. I want him to do everything - anything he wants to do. I love it! Oh, how I love it! It's only - only when he wants to do more that something happens to me - something inside me locks up. Maybe it'll happen again and maybe it won't - I don't care right now. All I care about is what's happening - and that more happen! And more happened to her. His face lowered and she flinched at the feel of his moist kisses against her torso. She arched her back in response and her hands on his face pushed him lower and lower. Down past the deep cleft of her breasts - over the sickening ache within her nipples - around the pulsating throb of her white belly - across the alabaster flesh of her thighs. She screamed when he touched her. And then her hands were pressing against his head to prevent his escape. To help him do more. For whatever he was doing, wasn't enough. Whatever he was giving her, wasn't enough. Whatever she was feeling, wasn't enough. She wanted more. And so he gave her more. Again and again he stroked and probed her toward the heights of desire. Again and again he lifted her body toward the peak of her passion. And with each effort and each response, the flame within her touched and seared and branded her with its ache and its agony. It was as if her nerve-endings were crying out for satisfaction...
Her body began to toss and turn on the bed, and the sheets crumpled and bunched up under her writhing and twisting torso. Suddenly, she flung her arms out from her body and her fingers clawed at the air for release from the now-constant pressure of her passions. Her head moved from side to side in uncontrollable response and her eyes were clenched closed as the delight ripped into her like a hot poker of pleasure.
And then she knew that it was time...
"More! I want more - give me more," she pleaded in a husky voice through her half-opened mouth. "Do it! Do it now!"
And so he did it She was aware of him lifting his face from her frenzied body and then his hands were on her legs and she was spreading them wide in open invitation. Fingers slipped under her buttocks and her muscles clenched and unclenched at the sensation. Then she was arching her back and thrusting her pelvis forward in anticipation of what was about to happen...
And it did happen.
As it had never happened before.
With a searing, thrusting, biting lunge that seemed to split her asunder. She screamed -partially in pain and partially in pleasure - and then eagerly thrust against him as if seeking to absorb him into her being. And the passion lifted her higher and higher...
Now - now is when it usually happens. Now is when I push him away - when I'm repulsed by what I'm doing. Oh, don't let it happen this time - please don't let it happen this time.
And it didn't.
For her whole being was aflame now - on fire with a hunger and a need and a want Not just for herself, but also for the man who was deftly and surely thrusting against her. She could sense his pleasure and opening her eyes, she saw the contortions of passion twist his face into deep wrinkles. And, as if in answer to what she saw, she savagely thrust herself against him again and again, gyrating and twisting in an effort to increase the sensations of pleasure that she felt Up... up... up, her being seemed to soar. She felt free and unencumbered as wave after wave of agonizing ecstasy washed over and into and through her.
"Don't let it stop - don't let it stop," she murmured against his shoulder as her fingers clawed at his back.
And he didn't Instead, he increased the pulsations of pleasure and the heights of her madness. She was uncontrollable now - lost in the multi-dimensional universe of timelessness. It was as if all she were capable of doing was feeling - of sensation. Every touch, every stroke, every probe filled and consumed her with its heat and its ache - and still she wanted more...
And so he gave her more.
And then agony was too much for her to endure. The pain of the pleasure - the ache of the ecstasy - the sting of the sensation - all were too much for her. She had to let go or she felt that the top of her skull would fly off into space.
And so she let go.
The scream was long and piercing and seemed to be born somewhere deep within her guts. He tried to smother the sound with his mouth, kissing her hard to shut it off. But then the inevitable happened to him and his scream mingled and blended with hers until finally they had sucked the last bit of pleasure from the act...
She shuddered as he fell across her body, limp and exhausted and spent. Trance-like, she moved under him so that her breasts cushioned his weight and even that only served to revive the quieting spasms of sensation. Her nipples were still hard and her body was still quivering with the aftershocks of the concussion of completion and though she delighted in the feelings, they were no longer of complete pleasure but were mingled with the bite of ache and pain.
But she was oblivious to it. Oblivious, because it had happened to her. And with a man, not with a youth.
Alan, his body trembling from the ordeal, lay still and quiet across her and she gently stroked with caressing fingers, at the knotted muscles of his back and shoulders. She enjoyed what she was doing, for she knew she was comforting him and now was a time for comforting the man who had completed her.
That's why it happened - because I just didn't take from him. I gave him my body - gave it to him freely to do with what he wanted. To enjoy it and to use it And oh, how he enjoyed it! And because he did, I too, enjoyed. And thrilled. And wanted... I guess that's what sex really is about - giving yourself to the other person. Because when you do, you get back a million-fold. It was like that with Timmy and now it was like that with Alan. And it will always be like that from now on - I don't have to prove anything any more - or punish myself - now I can just enjoy being a woman. And oh, how I enjoy that... !
It was then that she felt Alan stir under her. He lifted his face weakly and smiled and she smiled back. Then he shook his head in disbelief.
"What happened?" he asked in a low voice. "I - I never had it like that before - what -what happened?"
She smiled happily at him. "You mean how come we were so - so successful this time and we couldn't make it before?"
He nodded slowly as if the effort to talk were too much for him.
"Let's just say I forgot about everything else and concentrated on being a woman," Gloria concluded with a broad grin.
He shook his head in confusion and then shrugged the questions away. "It - it doesn't really matter now," he said in a still-weak voice. "All that matters is that it did happen. Did it happen to you, too?"
She nodded quickly, the happiness obvious in her face.
"Good," he whispered. "I'm glad." And then the expression on his face suddenly turned to one of seriousness. She could sense that something was disturbing him and a slight edge of panic nibbled at her fears.
"What's wrong, Alan?" she asked quickly. "What's wrong?"
The serious expression didn't leave his face as he leaned on an elbow and studied her. "It's that vacation of mine - who wants to spend all that time in San Diego sailing and fishing when I could spend it with you in Los Angeles!"
The warmth of being wanted spread through her being and she hugged herself happily. And then the words slipped out of her mouth - words that she would never have had the courage to speak before... "Well, why don't you invite me to go with you - I - I like outdoor sports too!"
He laughed as he reached for her again.
"Good! But right now I'm only interested in the indoor type - how about you?"
Her breasts tingled to his touch and she thrust her being up hard against him in response. He was right, who cares about sailing and fishing when two people could - could do this instead...
