Laurie Wilson hurriedly flipped the pages of the dictionary. She gave a furtive glance over her shoulder, though it was unlikely that anyone she knew would spend their lunch time in the library.
Momentarily reassured, she plunged back into the book. It was a medical dictionary, and Laurie hoped that it would supply the answers.
There it was: Nymphomania.
Laurie drank in every word. Her mind was a sponge that needed water, needed help from somewhere, from someone. But it was all so cut and dry, an assemblage of impressive words. Oh, it might have been easy enough for Laurie to understand, even sympathize with--except that the victim of the disease was herself.
Laurie felt the familiar sick shame spreading through her body. She slammed the oversized book shut and shoved it away in disgust. She had loads of questions but not a single good answer. Why did she become a mass of molten desire at the mere touch of a boy? Why did she tremble when Jimmie just touched her hand last night?
Why did she let him take her again--and again?
Laurie slumped back into the stiff library chair. She brushed back a damp curl that slipped over her eyes. She was more than pretty, with dark, shoulder length hair. Her skin was a pale creamy color that looked and felt like velvet. Her body was something else, long, sinuous, and at the same time, incredibly round and ripe.
Ripe for any guy in town, Laurie thought bitterly. At eighteen, she was the neighborhood goodie that every boy wanted to taste.
Laurie Wilson: Town Slut.
Why did it have to be this way, Laurie thought? Why did the touch of a male body turn her into an animal? Laurie shook her head. These were the same questions she had been asking herself for years, since that time when she turned fourteen.
Laurie didn't know the answers, all she knew was that she hated herself for the slut she had become. The only thing for her to do, her only hope of salvation, was to get married --or else she would become a prostitute. No matter the choice, she had to leave Newbury.
The big clock on the wall read 12:30. Time to be getting back, back to reality, back to the corner diner where she worked nine to five, every day.
Laurie replaced the big black book on the shelf where she'd found it and made a hasty exit.
It was one of those beautiful days, the golden sun shining, the trees a deep green, the birds chirping merrily, and the people happy. To Laurie it was a great big mockery.
Because it had happened again yesterday, on the picnic, and the details were as vivid in her mind as if it was still happening. There were three couples in the group, and Laurie's date was Jim Garett. They had all packed into a little foreign car, and Laurie had to sit on Jim's lap in the back. That was the beginning. They had the picnic down by the lake, and afterwards, after the boys had downed more than a few cans of beer, Jim started to get wandering hands. The couples split up, and Laurie found herself with Jim down in the woods where no one could see them.
Suddenly his hands were all over her, exploring inside the front of her swimsuit, unhooking and peeling away the flimsy garment, roaming down around her hot hips and thighs.
"Don't, Jim," she whispered. "Please don't do it."
But he paid not attention. Why should he? He was used to having her say no while she lay on her back quivering with excitement. Jim knew as well as most guys in town that soon as his hands touched her breasts, Laurie was had.
She began to murmur in protest, but he buried his head between the sweet-smelling fullness of her breasts, squeezing her to him roughly, biting the swollen, aching tips. The sensation took control of her body, overpowered her mind. His mouth covered hers, pinning her down. She could not resist this man possessing her body.
Laurie made one last attempt to protest, but knew it was futile. Her body had gone too far now. There was a raging fire within that had to be put out. She squeezed her eyes shut and surrendered to the lovely sensations, her breath ragged and irregular, her limbs demanding... She needed him. To her horror she became a writhing demon, filled with and overpowered by the longings of her flesh.
Then came the awful shame when it was over.
"You're great, Laurie. Just like always," Jim panted.
She hated him. She wanted to rake out his eyes with her bare fingernails. But more than that she wanted to die.
How many times had it been now? Ten, twenty? more? And that was just with Jimmie. How about all the other boys? Laurie had long since lost count.
The dirt on her legs and shoulders gave her away, when they rejoined the group. And the sneer on Jimmie's face was a dead giveaway. The boys looked at her with sex dribbling from their eyes, probably thinking it was their turn, next to take a spin in the grass with Laurie Wilson. Mike Curtis gave Jimmie a crooked wink and chuckled. He was no stranger to the pleasure that Jimmy had just experienced.
The girls? Well, they just didn't speak to her at all.
When Laurie finally got home, past sundown, her parents were in the living room, reading the Sunday papers. They had not the slightest inkling of their daughter's secret life. They knew nothing of the depths of depravity to which their daughter had sunk. Sweet, innocent Laurie; the town whore. Laurie raced upstairs and tried to shower away the filth that stuck to her body. But she knew it went deeper than that. How deeply? She didn't want to do these things; she hated herself for it. Then why! What kind of demon possessed her body? What drove her to such obscene depths?
"Hey, Laurie! Where've you been?" It was Dottie, the other waitress at the diner. Laurie had been so lost in her thoughts that she forgot the time, not even noticing that she arrived back at the diner. Her eyes swung to the clock.
"Gosh, I'm sorry, Dottie. I must have lost track of time," Laurie apologized.
"It's all right, kid. As long as you're here now," Dottie said. She was a good-natured girl, older than Laurie, but still a good-looker. With her short-cropped red hair and a figure that most women would eat their hearts out for, Laurie wondered why she never married. She was taking off her apron, as Laurie stepped behind the counter. "There are two oglers at the end of the counter. If they bother you, honey, give a holler. I'm gonna get me a bite and give my dogs a rest."
Sometimes the way Dottie said things sounded just like a man, Laurie thought, as she watched her friend make her way to a back table. Laurie shrugged and started clearing the counter. She wondered what Dottie would think if she knew the truth about her, what she really was. But maybe she did know.
Maybe everyone in here knows.
The two fellows that Dottie had warned her about signaled and she started toward them, then felt a slow, steady flush rise from her breasts and spread across her face. Their eyes were glued to the jiggling mounds beneath her sweater, and their lips were frozen in a lewd smirk that was all too familiar to Laurie. She felt nude, felt as though they could feel the instant heat rise in her body. It was at times like this she wished she was flat-chested and thin-hipped instead of round and firm, with breasts that sat high and proudly uptilted on her chest. They were worse than a neon sign, blinking on and off, a constant invitation to come and get it. Laurie forced self-control, kept her eyes turned away from theirs.
"More coffee?" she asked, indifferently. The heat of their eyes on her breasts was making her uneasy. She stiffened her body, trying to ignore the involuntary hardening of the nipples. Could they see? Do they know?
Laurie picked up the coffee pot, not waiting for a reply. She couldn't just stand there and let them drink her up with their eyes and their thoughts. She was about to pour the coffee when the one with the pock-marked face put his hand on hers, stopping her.
"The coffee's rotten here." His voice was as ugly as his face.
"Then what do you want?" Her voice broke slightly when she realized it was the wrong question.
The man's grin broadened and his grip on her hand tightened. "When do you get off?"
"None of your business," Laurie said, and tried to free her hand, "You're hurting me."
"That's funny. I thought that's the way you liked it."
Laurie thought of throwing the scalding coffee in their faces, but suddenly there was a firm hand on her waist, moving her aside. It was Dottie. Good old Dot to the rescue. She'd probably seen the whole thing.
"Let the girl go, creep," she commanded.
The pock-marked face lost its grin; the grip on Laurie's wrist loosened; the hand slipped away.
"Just trying to pass the time of day," the other one offered. They were actually afraid of this towering redhead and the authority in her voice.
"Yeah, Jack, I know what you were trying to do. Now get the hell out of here and stay out, or I'll have a cop hot on your back," she said, in a truckman-like voice. "Yeah, sure, right away."
Laurie watched the two of them kind of melt in their boots. They slipped off the counter stools, and to Laurie they looked like a pair of eels trying to slime away and hide themselves in the mud.
"Wait a minute," Dottie cautioned. "That'll be a buck-ninety--including the extra cup of coffee."
They quickly scrambled in their pockets and threw some change on the counter, hardly taking time to count it. Then they were gone.
Dottie and Laurie lounged a bit behind the counter. There were no other customers--probably too hot for most folks to venture out.
"It must annoy you," Dottie said, "those kids coming in here and eyeing you like that. But I guess that's what you got to put up with when you got a figure like that."
Laurie looked down at her uniform and grinned. It had belonged to the girl before her, and it was at least two sizes too small for Laurie. The white fabric stretched tight across her breasts, leaving nothing to the imagination. "I guess it is a bit tight."
"Tight it is. But it brings every male in Newbury to the Clover Diner. It's good for business." Dottie nudged her in the ribs. "Don't look now, but here comes another panting hound. He's all yours."
Laurie's face got hot when she looked up. It was Mike Curtis, one of the fellows on the picnic. He wasn't wasting any time. Laurie stood in front of him and smiled, uncomfortably.
Mike Curtis was twenty-two. A couple of years ago, he wouldn't have noticed Laurie, but suddenly, one day, she grew up, and overnight she stepped right into Mike Curtis' generation. He was home for the summer, just loafing.
"Busy today?" he asked.
"The usual."
"Sounds dull. Wish I could liven things up a little for you," he said, with a wink, "but I'm running a couple errands for Dad." He moved a little closer on the seat. His thigh pressed against Laurie's. "Did you have a good time at the picnic?" he asked softly.
"It was fun." Laurie stared straight ahead.
"Jimmie had some fun too."
"What do you want?" Laurie asked.
"Me? I'm only trying to make a date. How about tonight?"
"I'm busy tonight," she said automatically. It was a lie. "Well, what about tomorrow night then? Or are you all booked up for the summer?"
"Not quite," Laurie said.
"Well, what about it? You free or not?" Mike asked. Laurie sighed. He wouldn't give up until he got his date. It was hopeless to keep lying.
"Tomorrow then. I'm free tomorrow."
"Eight-fifteen all right? Show starts at eight-thirty."
"I'll be ready."
"Wow, look at the time. Gotta run Laurie. See you tomorrow."
"Sure, Mike. See you then."
Laurie bit her lip as she watched him leave. She knew the script in advance for their date. The movies, then parking next to an old deserted barn. There would be some frantic fumbling in the dark, then Mike would want her, and she wouldn't be able to say no. That was the way it had always been.
It was all so sordid. It had been the same last summer too. Mike would take her out whenever he needed her real bad. He could always depend on old faithful Laurie Wilson for a good tumble. How she hated herself!
She knew the script and scenario by heart. But who had written this play about an innocent girl sucked into a never-ending whirlpool of lust? And why had she been chosen to play the leading role?
The words burned through the confusion of her thoughts: Nymphomania... a disease.
CHAPTER TWO
Laurie was showered and downstairs by eight o'clock. Her mother had breakfast ready, and the kitchen smelled pleasantly of bacon and eggs and fresh coffee. Her mother always made fresh ground coffee, because that was the kind of mother Laurie had. Every morning and every night she'd grind the coffee beans in one of those old grinders, insisting it was the only way.
"Morning, Laurie," her father said, looking up.
"Sleep well?" her mother asked.
Laurie avoided looking at either of them. She gave a quick good-morning and said something about having to rush as she sat down at the table. They didn't talk much anymore. Laurie remembered when the three of them were always chatting like a happy family. But things had changed in the past few years. Laurie, being an only child, felt that her parents were hanging onto her. She knew she was being unfair, but she resented them for it all the same.
More than that, though, there was this thing eating away at Laurie, this nymphomania business. It constantly gnawed at her, shriveling her up inside. She was afraid to talk to her family, afraid that something revealing might slip out.
Laurie finished her breakfast, but the dishes in the sink, and made a hasty exit. She mumbled about not wanting to miss the bus and was out.
The Newbury bus was just rounding the corner as she reached the bus stop. The door opened and she got aboard.
"Hi, Laurie. Nice morning."
Laurie nodded. Bill was the driver and a friend of most every family in town. Like her parents, he gave no sign of knowing anything off-color about Laurie. Perhaps the stories hadn't gotten around to him, or perhaps they did and he just didn't believe them. At any rate, he treated her just as he had when she was ten years old.
"How's your father?"
"He's fine, thank you." Laurie dropped her change in the box. She moved to her usual seat in the middle of the bus and sat down next to the open window. She didn't want a lengthy conversation this morning. She wanted to think about what she'd read in the medical dictionary yesterday afternoon, the words they were plaguing her.
Morbid, uncontrollable sexual desire... a sickness...
A sickness. But what was the cure? What kind of doctor could she go to? Or was all this just an excuse, a way of justifying her behavior, something to camouflage the truth, the fact that she was simply and purely a bad girl, a whore.
About six blocks later the bus came to a halt, and a young man jumped aboard. He was about twenty-six and a stranger, a very handsome stranger. He was tall and big, but his body and the way he moved had sensitivity, the same sensitivity that seemed to be etched on his handsome face. He moved down the isle toward her, and she felt her stomach go wobbly when their eyes met. She knew at that instant he was going to sit next to her.
"Good-morning," he said. "Do you mind if I sit here?"
"Please do," Laurie smiled, and continued to look out the window. Her heart was throbbing. She liked this man. She felt the seat take the pressure of his weight and then the heat of his body next to hers.
"It's a lovely town you've got here," he said, after a few stops had gone by.
Laurie turned to look at him. "You're new in town, aren't you? I mean I don't remember seeing you around."
"I just arrived this morning. And if the rest of the town and it's people are as pleasant as you, well, then I'm glad I came."
Laurie blushed. She realized why she liked him. He wasn't looking at her as if he was undressing her in his mind. He was just looking at her and smiling, treating her as a woman, not as a toy, a thing to be used only for his own pleasure. Oh, he seemed interested all right, but somehow it was different.
"Are you visiting?" Laurie asked. She wanted to know more about him.
"Oh, no. I came here to work." He looked at Laurie for an instant, then continued as if he'd decided to take her into a special confidence. "I'm here to set up a new store for Bridell and Co."
"You mean on Main Street I've watched the new building go up." Laurie said, thinking that he was awfully young for such an important job. "You see I work right down the street... " Laurie stopped, noticing a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
"I don't mean to laugh. It's just that everything here seems to be right down the street. I'm from Chicago and used to big cities," he explained. "I guess everybody knows everybody here in Newbury."
"You can say that again," Laurie said, hardly able to hide the bitterness she felt. It probably wouldn't take long before a Jimmie or a Mike or a Sammy got to tell him who was the hottest ticket in town.
"Say, I think I have to get off next stop. Where did you say you worked?"
Laurie pushed down a tingle of excitement. "At the diner. There's only one in town, so you can't miss it."
"I may do a lot of eating there then. My name's John. John Masterson."
"Laurie Wilson."
"Good-bye, Miss Wilson. And thanks."
He left. Laurie watched him get off the bus. Miss Wilson. That was what he had called her. He didn't have a ring on his finger, so he was probably a bachelor. Yes, he had to be a bachelor, Laurie reasoned. He didn't act like a married man. All sorts of ideas began to spin around in her head. A bachelor and a stranger, maybe he was even looking for a wife.
Laurie shook her head. She must be crazy, she thought, concocting a whole romance out of a five-minute conversation, a romance that could only end in tragedy. Before he was a week in Newbury, he'd hear the sniggers in back alleys, the dirty jokes about a certain girl in town, and he'd ask who. And they'd say, "Why, don't you know? Every guy in town knows about Laurie Wilson. She's public property."
No, a man like John Masterson would want something better. But it did sound good, didn't it? Mrs. John Master-son. If only he were really interested and no one told him about her, perhaps she'd have a chance at a new life with a husband who would always be ready to satisfy her hungry body, give her all the sex she required.
Laurie got up. She was building castles in the sand again. This was where she got off, where she belonged--in the corner diner, doling out dates with every cup of coffee and piece of pie, like the date she had tonight with Mike Curtis. Big Mike Curtis. He needed his weekly pick-me-up and here was Laurie, her young body bursting to give him whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it.
"Your stop, Laurie." Laurie looked up. She hadn't realized the bus had come to a stop. She was the only one left on board.
"Last stop," Bill grinned again. She could see his jovial face through the little rear-view mirror. She smiled back nervously and got up.
"Thanks. I guess I was dreaming."
"Excused. Have a good day, Laurie."
Laurie exited quickly, not able to look Bill in the eye as she left. Boy, how little he knew about Laurie Wilson. She crossed Main Street and headed for the diner. In the washroom she slipped into her too-small uniform, pausing a moment to eye her scantily clad body in the small, dingy mirror. I-t was a good body; half the men in Newbury could attest to that Laurie quickly pulled up the nylon uniform that barely hid a curve and buttoned the front. One last look, a comb through her thick, black hair, and she left. She stepped out behind the counter, grinning her usual good-morning to everyone.
Dottie was taking an order. She finished writing it up, put it through the chefs window. "Hi, sweetie," she said, passing.
"Hi, Dottie."
Laurie looked down the counter and eyed someone who hadn't been waited on. He was a husky man in his thirties with work clothes and greasy hands. "Can I help you?"
"Orange Juice, bacon and eggs, and coffee."
Laurie put in the order and poured him coffee. She wondered absently if he was one of the work crew left over at Bridell's, an electrician maybe, working in the same building with John Masterson. A couple of other people moved in and out, keeping her busy. She picked up the bacon and eggs and carried them on down the counter. The big man thanked her, obviously aware of her full breasts pushing against the thin fabric of her uniform. She wanted to talk to him, strike up a conversation about the new clothing store, see if he knew John Masterson...
But she didn't have a chance.
Jim Garett slid onto the next stool.
"Hi, Laurie."
"Hi, yourself."
"Hey, that's no way to treat a friend."
"I'm too busy to talk now," she said, looking away.
"C'mon Laurie baby, don't get high hat with me. This is Jimmie. Remember, sweetie?" he said, leaning closer.
"What is it?" she asked impatiently. She knew he was referring to the last time they were together in the grass. She could feel his hot hands on her breasts again, his thick breath down her throat, choking her.
"Just wanted to tell you how pretty you look today, Laurie."
Jim's eyes were peeling every last stitch of clothing from her body. He didn't need much imagination; he was totally familiar with what was underneath. Laurie bit her lip, remembering his hands on her belly, his thighs against hers, demanding. Laurie fidgeted uneasily, feeling a tiny reaction to his nearness down deep in her body. She glanced at the man next to them, eating his bacon and eggs. She didn't want him to hear, especially if he was in any way connected to Bridell's.
"If that's all you want, Jimmie, I'm..."
"No, it isn't. I wanted you to drive down to the movies with me tonight."
"I'm busy."
"Tomorrow then."
"I'll be busy."
Jimmie was getting angry. He didn't like to be brushed off. "Who's having their share tonight, Laurie? Anyone I know?"
"Mike." Laurie could see the flush of frustration rise upward in his face.
"So old Mike got here before me, huh? Who is it tomorrow?"
"As a matter of fact, no one, Jimmie. No one at all. I just don't want to see you ever again." It was the first time Laurie had ever been able to say no, especially to Jimmie. There had always been a kind of tacit understanding with all the guys that Jimmie had first choice when it came to Laurie.
"Look, Laurie... "
"No dice, Jimmie," Laurie said, with a firmness she hadn't felt for a long time. She left him with his mouth dangling open and moved away to take another order. She was astonished at the way she had told him off. She had never been able to refuse a date before.
As she collected something at the chefs window, she noticed a sullen Jimmie making his way out, glowering back at her every chance he got. Not looking where he was going, he collided head-on with someone coming in the door.
Laurie caught her breath when she saw who it was: John Masterson.
She quickly looked to make sure the seat Jimmie had vacated was still empty. She deposited a tuna on rye, then headed for where John now sat. Her heart was thumping wildly, high in her chest, making her breasts rise and fall noticeably. She made an attempt to swallow down her excitement, but this was not time to worry about composure. She had to get to him before Dottie unwittingly took him over. This was no ordinary customer, and Laurie wasn't about to let him slip through her fingers.
"Lunch time already?" Laurie asked, clearing the counter in front of him. It wasn't quite twelve o'clock yet.
"I told you I'd be here. I didn't want to miss you."
"Everyday, nine to five, that's me," Laurie joked.
"You mean you never get out for a walk or something? Don't you have a break?
"Oh, yes. But I very rarely leave the diner," Laurie said, and then thought guiltily of her trip yesterday to the library. "Would you like a menu?"
"No. I'll have a ham sandwich on white toast, and coffee."
Laurie felt her fingers shake as she scribbled down the order. She knew his eyes were on her, studying every move. Was she passing the examination?
"Mind if I ask you something? Before you run off?"
"Go right ahead."
"I know this is a bit sudden, and if I'm out of line, let me know. But I'm knew here in Newbury and I guess a bit lonely. Are you free tonight? Can I take you to a movie?"
"I'd love to," Laurie said, then remembered her date with Mike tonight. "But I can't. Not tonight."
"Tomorrow then?"
"Tomorrow'll be fine."
Laurie was intoxicated with joy. She wanted to skip down the aisle and hug everybody, tell Dottie that the John Masterson had asked her for a date! It was a dream come true. Like in some fairy tale, he was a prince come to rescue his lovely princess.
But before anything so bright and beautiful could happen, Laurie would once again be made to wallow in the mud. Once again her sweet body would become a writhing receptacle of sin, of wanton lust. She had no control over what would happen. It was what the script called for. Mike Curtis would touch her, and, churning with insatiable hunger, her body would rise up for more and more and more...
Before her date with John Masterson, she'd have to spend one more shameful night with Big Mike, his brute body sweating and crushing against hers.
Tears welled up in Laurie's eyes, as she rushed on to file his order with the chef. She didn't want him to see the tears; then there'd be questions, questions she couldn't answer, not even for herself, let alone for someone else. And anyway, tonight was going to be just another scene in the play. Actors weren't supposed to ask questions, just say their lines and play their parts. Knowing her body and the nature of her sickness, nymphomania, Laurie was sure she'd be convincing.
CHAPTER THREE
Laurie heard the double honk of Mike's dilapidated convertible and rushed down the stairs. If Mike was kept waiting, he would get out of his car and ring her bell. Her mother would ask him in, and Laurie didn't want him inside her home, talking to her parents. Not that he would say anything, but better not take any chances. Besides, what Laurie did in the back seat of his convertible was one thing, and it made her sick enough; but her home was the only sacred and private thing she had left, and she wanted to keep it that way.
Her mother was sitting in the living room, knitting. "Going out again, dear?"
"Just a movie. I'll be home early."
"Well, have a good time."
"Thanks," and she was off.
Laurie hardly got in the car when Mike stepped on the accelerator, zooming them down the street without warning. It was his way, rough and tough, like his hands when he squeezed her breasts till they hurt. Laurie looked at his profile, hard and unsympathetic. He had a habit of constantly working a little muscle at the side of his jawbone, probably because he thought it made him look more masculine or something, Laurie thought. She always hated when he did that.
She also hated the fact that he never said anything when he picked her up, never a, "Hello, Laurie. Gee, you look nice tonight." He wouldn't let her forget for a moment that he was there for just one thing and one thing only. He wasn't concerned with the little niceties, and he didn't expect Laurie to be either.
He'd take her to a movie, and afterwards he'd expect payment. Just like always.
Laurie sat huddled against the door, as far away from him as she could get. All day she had been thinking up ways to get out of this date. She wanted to make a new start, clean the slate for her date with John.
But it was no good. The only thing she could do now was to stay as clear of Mike as possible.
Mike sped down the Newbury turnpike, on to Milford, the next town. They were featuring a wild western there that Laurie didn't remember the name of. She wasn't keen on seeing the film, but then she didn't have much of a choice.
"Want a hamburger or something before we go to the movie?" It was the first thing he'd said to her since he picked her up.
"Not unless you do."
Mike turned to her. "You look nice tonight," he said, reaching over to slide his right hand beneath her skirt. "Thanks."
His hand traveled higher, stroking her thigh, while he tried to keep the car at a steady clip. "Move closer, will you. My arm's not long enough." When she didn't move, Mike dug his fingers into the soft flesh of her thigh and yanked her to him. "What's the matter, baby? I got bad breath or something?" He liked that, because he roared with laughter.
The movie house was more crowded than she had expected for a week night. Mike bought some popcorn and escorted her to the balcony and a secluded corner off to the side. He ate all the popcorn by the time the feature was halfway through, wiped his hands on his trousers, and got ready for action.
He swung his arm around Laurie's shoulder, his hand dropping automatically to her breast. As soon as his fingers closed in on the soft flesh, Laurie felt her nipples harden. She tried to shove his hand away, but it only returned a moment later, and Laurie let it be.
She hated herself. Why am I like this? she wanted to cry out.
Mike's grip tightened again, and little sparks of pleasure shot from her breasts down to her belly, then lower. She squirmed in her seat, tried to move out of his grasp, but the warmth in her belly was spreading.
They necked on and off, especially when the romantic scenes came. Mike would place a hard, hot kiss on her neck and would reach down and cup her breast.
Laurie was thankful when the movie finally ended, and they were again outside in the cool air.
"Please take me straight home, Mike. I told my mother I'd be early. I don't want her to worry."
Mike smiled. "Okay, Laurie."
"I mean it."
"C'mon, Laurie. Get in," Mike said, opening the car door for her.
He took a different road this time, then came onto the main highway. He only stayed on it a mile or so though, then turned off on a deserted country road. Except for right in front of them, where the headlights lighted the way, everything was black. In this part of the country, there was no such thing as street lights. It was an eerie feeling that Laurie never got used to.
"Mike, I told you. I have to get home early," she said uneasily.
"Don't worry. We'll get there. But first we'll take a little ride."
"No, Mike. Turn the car around. I'm serious."
"What do you think, Laurie? That I'm some kind of sex maniac that wants to attack you?" The road was real bumpy now, and Laurie could see the familiar farmhouse ahead. Then the car took a sharp turn and stopped. They were in a thicket of trees. Laurie knew the spot.
Mike switched off the motor, and the night seem to come alive with a thousand sounds. For an instant, like always, Laurie thought of the thousands of insects she couldn't see.
"Please, let's not stop here, Mike," she almost pleaded. "Will you relax, Laurie. It's not as though we've never been here."
Laurie flared up. "Listen, Mike Curtis, I don't know what you think you're going to get out of me, but I can tell you right now that whatever you want, the answer is no. I won't do anything with you tonight, or any other night. Now take me home!"
Mike looked at her, frowning, then a big grin took over. "Is that what you told Jimmie the other night, Laurie? Don't tell me you're turning over a new leaf, sweetie. Isn't it a bit late for that?"
He was right, of course, Laurie thought dismally. Who was she kidding?
"Start the car, Mike."
He reached for the keys, and, for a delirious instant, Laurie thought he would. Instead, he took them out and dropped them in his pocket. "Just in case, Laurie," he said. "I think we'll stay here for a while, if it's all the same to you." He reached over to her with both hands and pulled her body to his. One hand slid down her side and landed on her thigh, while the other worked its way to her breast. Laurie pushed his hand away from the front buttons, but it came back just as quickly. Before she knew it, most of the buttons were undone.
"Please, Mike. Don't."
His hand was inside her blouse now, creeping under the cotton of her bra, touching soft, creamy flesh, then forcing it free of the confining fabric. Something moist touched her throat, traveled down and capture a taut nipple. Laurie gasped sharply.
"Don't touch me." Her voice was thick and raspy to her own ears.
"You want me to, Laurie," he mumbled hotly against her breasts. "You want me to touch you... all over. Like this and like this... "
He slipped his hands behind her, underneath the blouse, and deftly unhooked her bra. Her breasts sprang free, proud and erect, belying all her protests.
"Don't you like to be touched, Laurie?" He kissed a trembling nipple, then bit it hard. "Tell me you don't like it, Laurie."
"Mike, no! I--no, Mike!" An intense wave of desire swept through her body. She came alive with desire and need. Mike's hands were all over her at once. She tensed her body and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to halt the shivers that racked through her. She tried with all her might to shut off the raging fire that was spreading like a drug through her system, capturing all her senses, invading every cell.
She couldn't.
She heard the click of the car door opening, arms lifting her, then the feel of cool grass against her back. It was a familiar feeling. She opened her eyes in an effort to pull herself free of the lust that gripped and held her.
"Don't move, Laurie," the face above her said. It was smiling. They were always smiling, she thought vaguely. Her blouse was being whisked away hurriedly. She listened to his heavy panting, keeping time with her own heavy gasps. Her mouth was open, eager for what was to come despite all her good resolutions. She licked her lips as the need deep in her belly began to churn and pulsate.
A zipper was opening. A cool hand touched her thigh, and then she was being swept away into the blackness of the night. A lovely, black velvet cloud enveloped her.
The fire raged higher and higher. Laurie flung her head back. She was lost to sensation. She pulled air into her lungs to feed the flames and drove on, faster and faster. Mike was the only one who could help her now. He had the only means to put out the blazing fire that rocketed her upward. Her nails dug into his back, her legs gripped him, demanding, more and more... "
She was thrust even higher. It all rose in a tremendous swell and burst in a thousands little bits that tumbled delightfully down through her feverish body.
And then it was all over.
Laurie lay limp and exhausted in a pool of spent passion. She was aware of the light trickling of sweat, rolling down the sides of her body and gathering in the hills of her breasts. After a moment, she opened her eyes, feeling alone and lost. The thumping of her heart ceased, and she came back to reality.
Mike stood over her, zipping up his pants, a triumphant grin on his face.
Laurie sat up and looked down at herself. Except for her bra, hanging limply from one shoulder, and a crumpled skirt shoved up around her waist, she was naked. She felt around in the deep grass for her blouse and panties. Mike picked them up and dangled them in front of her.
"Looking for these?" he asked, with a mocking smile.
Laurie snatched them away. "Thanks." She hated his guts. She wanted to wipe that smile off his smug face. She quickly put on the blouse and buttoned it, then slipped on her panties and pulled down her skirt. She felt so cheap and low.
"You were great," he said.
"Shut up! Now that you got what you came for, you can take me home!"
"What I came for!" he laughed. "Baby, you forget who was clawing who down there," he said, pointing to where they had been.
"I said shut up. I don't want to hear another word from your filthy mouth."
"You enjoyed it too, didn't you, Laurie?" he went on, relentlessly.
"Maybe then--but not now. Take me home, Mike," she said, full of self-disgust. He was right. She was just as no good as he was--even worse. What had happened to all her good resolutions? Couldn't she say no just once?
Laurie got into the car, empty and sick. There was no big bonfire in her now, only the self-contempt that always followed, the ache in the pit of her stomach that made her want to vomit.
Mike was in the car. He stuck the keys in the ignition and turned to her. He was having some second thoughts, if that were possible. "Look, Laurie, I..."
"Go to hell," she cut him off. "You got what you wanted, now leave me alone."
He didn't say anything. He just pulled the car out of the grass and got them onto the highway. In ten minutes they were home.
"When can I see you again, Laurie?"
"Never."
"Look, I don't understand you. One minute you're as hot as a wildcat, and the next... "
"Damn you! Damn all of you!" Laurie cried. "Can't you leave me alone!" Tears streamed down her face as she fled from the car and into the house. In her room, she leaned back against the shut door. She was breathing hard and listening for sounds from her mother's room. Good. Everything was quiet. She wiped her wet cheeks with the back of her hand and licked the salty wetness around her lips. She could feel they were swollen from Mike's love-making. Laurie flung off her clothes, took a scalding hot shower, and got into bed.
But instead of sleeping, she kept remembering...
Remembering Mike and Jimmie and George and Larry and...
What have I become? Laurie thought. What happened to the nice girl I used to be? She was once a little girl who was saving herself for her wedding night. She was as curious as any other little girl her age about sex, but that's where it ended. She wasn't going out to get any firsthand information. She knew how a good girl should conduct herself. When she went out on dates with boys, a good- night kiss was as far as she would go
Until that night with Dave Cunningham.
He took her for a moonlight ride to the beach after her girl friend, Ruthie's, sweet-sixteen party. They got out at the shore for a little smooching. It started out innocently, then something happened. There on the sand, kissing and embracing, Dave's hand touched her breast. Something went berserk inside her; a whole new series of sensations careened through her body. A feverish desperation took hold, and she suddenly found herself pushing his hands to where no boy had ever touched her before. She gasped and panted like an animal, but she couldn't stop. Dave was stunned and bewildered at first, then started to claw away at her dress. And then his hard body crashed against hers. Laurie couldn't stop him. She only knew she had to let it happen or go out of her mind. Then came wave after wave of pleasurable release, then the tide changed, and she was swept silently out to sea, her body calm now, cool and floating.
But that was only the beginning. Because a week and a half later Dave came back for more. He was timid at the beginning, but when he saw how easy it was to make her, he became bold. He told his friends of his conquest, boasted that all he had to do was touch her and she would go.
And soon they all came. Laurie would say no, but her body betrayed every time. She was a mechanical toy that anybody could click on and off, whenever they felt like it.
Laurie stared up at the ceiling, her face wet with tears, and thought of John Masterson. He deserved someone better. Even if he didn't find out about her from someone else, for how long could she keep her body in tow. After a while he'd want more than just a quick good-night, he'd touch her and the fire would begin. And then he'd know what kind of girl Laurie Wilson really was.
Laurie closed her eyes and prayed for a miracle.
CHAPTER FOUR
The morning bloomed bright and beautiful through Laurie's bedroom window. She woke early, before the alarm sounded. She was excited, and with reason. Today might be the turning point in her life. She thought of her date tonight with John, and a little shiver of excitement and nervousness pulsed in her brain. She stretched lazily for a while, reluctant to abandon her daydreaming. An image of Mike's face looking down at her threatened her for an instant, but she pushed it away. The sordidness of the night before seemed a thousand nights away, as though it hadn't happened to Laurie at all. In the morning, in the bright sun, she felt wonderfully clean and free. She knew that as soon as she got up the feeling would be replaced with guilt and shame, so she wanted to linger there in bed and hold on to the moment--for as long as she could.
The alarm sounded, jarring her back to the reality of another day at the diner. But at least she had something to look forward to. John would probably come in for and make plans for their evening together. Suddenly, she wanted to get to work quickly, get the day started.
As usual, Dottie' smiling face met her when she arrived at the diner. Dottie's work day started at six A.M. every morning. Luckily for Laurie, she preferred the early shift.
"My, don't you look like Miss Sunshine this morning. Any special reason?" Dottie was just about the only friend Laurie had left. They weren't terribly close or anything, but Dottie made it clear in her own way that she'd always be around if Laurie ever needed an extra shoulder to cry on.
"Did anybody ask for me this morning?" Laurie asked breathlessly. She thought perhaps John had come in for breakfast before work.
"Let me guess. You couldn't by any chance mean that dark handsome stranger that took up all your time yesterday?" Dottie teased.
"He was here then?"
"No, sweetie. But I'm sure he'll be back today. Brother was he all moon-eyed over you."
Laurie felt a little flutter in her stomach. She hoped Dottie was right.
The morning creeped along endlessly, with hardly any customers coming in. A couple of the fellows came, trying to make a date with Laurie, but she gave them both the iceberg treatment, and they left more puzzled than anything else.
At one forty-five, Laurie stepped in the back to check how she looked, and when she came out, there he was, waiting.
"He's all yours, sweetie." Dottie said, rearranging some pieces of cake on display. "Thanks, Dottie."
She was even more excited than she thought she'd be at seeing him again. For a while there she was afraid he wasn't going to show up. But now here he was, smiling at her as she came up to him.
"Hello, beautiful."
"Hi. I'd almost given up on you," she smiled back.
"I lost track of time. There's so much to do at the store."
"You must be a very busy man," Laurie said, noticing the faint lines of fatigue around his eyes.
"Not too busy to take tonight off. What time shall I pick you up, Laurie?"
"Around eight?"
"Fine. And right now you can get me a double order of hamburger and french fries. Rare. I'm as hungry as a bear."
"Coming up." Laurie placed the order, served him a cup of coffee, and got a bottle of ketchup from the kitchen. She picked up his order at the window and brought it to him. "Rare, right?"
"Right."
A couple of other customers came in, and Laurie took care of them. By the time she got back to him he was nearly finished. She gave him a fresh cup of coffee and put the empty dishes under the counter. "Feel better?" she asked.
"Much. Is there anything special you'd like to do to- night? Perhaps the movie in the next town..."
"No," Laurie cut him off, remembering her night with Mike. "I've seen that one."
John seemed to sense her change. "Okay, let's go for a good dinner, and then we'll see. Maybe dancing? First, though, tell me how to get to your house."
She told him the way as he finished the last of his coffee. Then he got up and said he had to rush back but that he'd see her tonight at eight. She tingled all over as she watched him leave.
The rest of the day dragged incredibly. Laurie tried to keep busy, but it was a slow day, and there were long periods with nothing to do but count the passing seconds till quitting time. At last the clock read five and she flew out. She had so much to do before John picked her up. Everything had to be just right.
At ten of eight, Laurie heard a car drive up and stop in front of her home. She ran to the window to peek out and, sure enough, it was John. She heard the doorbell ring and then her mother's voice at the bottom of the stairs.
"Laurie! It's John."
"I'll be right down," she called, and decided to give them a few minutes to get acquainted. She ran to the mirror again. She had dressed in her best. Her face had on very little make-up, giving her that scrubbed clean look that she knew suited her. She had beautiful skin and didn't have to worry about covering up any blemishes. Besides, she wanted to look clean and wholesome. As a last touch, she dabbed some perfume between her breasts, but not too much. She didn't want to be too seductive, just attractive enough to keep John interested. Her heart was racing wildly. Tonight she would find out what he was really like, and she hoped desperately that it wouldn't be just another sordid evening in the back seat of a car.
But most of all, she prayed she'd be able to control herself if he touched her.
Laurie was finally satisfied with the way she looked and went downstairs. John and her parents were chatting, and Laurie could tell by the look on her mother's face that she thoroughly approved.
"Here she is now," her mother said, as Laurie walked in the living room. John and her father stood up, and Laurie felt, for the first time in years, quite pleased with herself.
"Hi."
"You look lovely, Laurie," John said, taking her hand. They said good-night, and John promised her mother not to keep her daughter out too late.
In the car, Laurie felt relaxed and confident with John at the wheel. She gave him directions to get to "La Primadora" dinner club, just outside of town on the main road leading to Milford. Laurie had only been there once, and that had been on a special occasion with her parents.
"I liked your parents. They seem like lovely folks."
"They certainly liked you," Laurie smiled. "Do your folks live in New York?"
"My parents died in a plane crash when I was fourteen."
"I'm sorry." There was a slight pause. "Do you like Newbury? I mean it must be kind of a bore after living all your life in New York."
"No, I like it here. People in small towns have a refreshing outlook on life. They take time out to look at the trees and watch the grass grow... Boy, don't get me started. I'm already sounding like a bad amateur poet.
They both laughed. It seemed so natural to laugh with John. He made her feel real and alive, like she was someone and not something.
He took his eyes off the road for an instant to look at her. "How old are you, Laurie?"
"Eighteen. I'll be nineteen in September."
"I thought you were older. Tell me about yourself, Laurie."
"Oh, there's really nothing to tell," she evaded; "anyway I think that's the club up ahead." Boy, if he only had an inkling of what my life was like, he'd probably run and never stop, Laurie thought.
It was a nice place, "La Primadora." The waiters also supplied the entertainment, singing and dancing in Bavarian costumes. They had a delicious dinner, danced a bit, but most important, they talked and laughed. John was wonderful. He was the most handsome man in the place, and Laurie felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
"Will you be staying in Newbury, John?" Laurie asked, after the dessert.
"I don't think so. As soon as the store get rolling, I'll be moving out, probably back to the main office. A permanent manager will take over. In fact, I'm training someone to do just that.
"Do you live alone in New York?"
"I have a bachelor flat, nothing much. It could use a woman's touch."
"Well you could always marry," she suggested.
He looked at her intently, as if he wanted to say something but thought better. "First I have to find the right girl."
"You mean someone who can cook and sew and clean," Laurie teased. "There are plenty of girls like that around."
John laughed, then turned very serious. "No, she'll have to be someone very special."
The small band struck up a slow tune, and they got up to dance. After what he had just said about someone very special, Laurie felt a cold bitterness cut through her. John was everything she'd ever dreamed of, and he was in the market for a wife. It was a dream, but soon it would end. Between them there was a vast string of sordid nights in the back seats of cars and behind barns, like last night with Mike. There was the long line of boys who had known Laurie's body, not once, but time and again. She had no right to someone like him. She was nothing but a common tramp.
Soon he would find out the truth. It was inevitable.
"Why so solemn?" John asked, as they moved around the dance floor.
"Thinking. That's all." Laurie forced a smile.
"Me, too, as a matter of fact. I was wondering why a pretty girl like you is still single?"
Laurie looked away. "I guess I'm looking for someone special too," she said, and felt a knot tighten in her throat. Why was she still single? You only had to ask any boy in Newbury to know the answer to that one. Nobody married the town tramp.
The music stopped and a new rune floated across the room. John held her close. "Let's dance some more," he said.
The feel of his body up against hers was exciting, but fortunately he didn't hold her too close. He danced well, guiding her with ease and strength. The pressure of his arm at the small of her back sent ripples of pleasure up her spine. The music switched to a slower more romantic number, and John pulled her in tighter. The hardness of his chest pressed against her breasts. The over-sensitive flesh beneath her dress began to respond, no matter how hard she tried to hold back. She bit her lip as she felt the sudden rush of blood surge to her head and her nipples harden in response. The hot pulsing in her thighs was gaining strength.
Oh, Please! Don't let me give in. Don't let me mess everything up! Laurie cried inwardly.
Despite her effort for self-control, she felt her body taking over. If she didn't get away now, to cool off, something terrible would happen. She pulled away from his embrace. The abrupt withdrawal sent a wave of dizziness spiraling to her brain. She swayed slightly.
"Can we sit this one out?" She made a feeble attempt to smile. She couldn't let him guess the cause of her trouble. Another moment and it would have been too late.
"What's wrong? Are you all right?" There was genuine concern in his deep voice.
"I guess I got a little dizzy," she offered weakly. "I'll be all right. Just give me a moment," she said, and rushed off to the ladies' room.
When she returned, John looked at her a bit strangely. There was worry in his eyes, and it made Laurie feel guilty for deceiving him. They left shortly afterwards.
The drive home was short, but to Laurie it took forever. She was terrified that he'd pull over on the road and make a pass at her. She knew what would happen if he did. The animal in her would surge forward; they would make love, and that would be the end of all her dreams. It wasn't that she didn't want him to make love to her. She did. But she wanted it to be as his wife.
Finally they reached her house. He got out and held open the door for her, taking her hand. They stood looking at each other for a long moment, Laurie's heart pounding furiously.
"It was a wonderful evening, Laurie."
"For me too."
He touched her face gently with his hand, tilting it upward. She couldn't ever remember being touched with so much feeling. His lips came down and touched hers lightly. Nothing hot and passionate. Laurie was panic-stricken. Her breasts barely touched his chest, and a hot flame rose up, licking at her thighs. She fought against it desperately. It was the hardest battle she'd ever waged.
But she came out victorious.
She gently pulled away, just the way any nice young girl would on a first date and smiled up at him.
"Good-night, John."
"Good-night, Laurie."
She left him standing by the car.
"I'll call you tomorrow," he called after her.
Laurie closed her front door behind her. The car drove off, and she wondered dreamily if she'd ever see him again. Was it just a question of time before her happy bubble would burst?
She hoped not.
With all her heart, she hoped not.
CHAPTER FIVE
Laurie weaved the pushcart down the crowded isle at Gabner's Market. She usually got an early start on Saturday morning's so as to beat the rush, but, from the looks of things, everybody in town must have had the same idea. They probably wanted to beat the afternoon heat, Laurie reasoned, as she loaded a few cans of soup into her cart.
This morning, however, she had a different reason for wanting to do the shopping early. She didn't want to miss John's call--if he called. She wasn't sure he was working today, but she had the feeling he probably was. It must be a tremendous job to set up a new store, especially one the size of Bridell's. She had no idea how old he was, but he couldn't be more than thirty, she decided. Already he was a big executive.
She checked her list, made an about face, and headed for the frozen food department.
She felt happy for the first time 'in ages.
But she was also tense and nervous, nervous that something might intercept her dream and keep John from calling. Perhaps he had no intention of doing so anyway, of ever seeing her again after her strange behavior on the dance floor: Could he have put two and two together and come up with the answer?
No, that was impossible.
He couldn't have had any doubts about her, or she would have sensed it when he took her home. Either that or he was a terribly good actor.
Laurie thought of how handsome he looked at the dinner club. He knew all the right things to do, even down to tasting the wine before he'd let the wine steward leave the bottle. She was tickled to be at the same table with him in his crisp, white shirt and sharply pressed navy suit--like something out of one of those fancy New York magazines, only more masculine.
Much more masculine.
She selected a few choice pieces of meat and added them to her already piled-high wagon. Another check on her list told her she had everything. She turned the cart down the center isle toward the checkout, wondering absently if she should perhaps invite John to a home-cooked meal with her parents.
No. Too soon for that. She didn't want to rush things. Lost in thought, Laurie didn't notice the wicked now- I've-got-you grin spread across Jim Garett's face. Just as she was ready to pass, he jumped out in front of her cart and stopped her short. The handle of the carriage jammed painfully into her stomach, and she gasped.
"Hi, Laurie, baby," Jim drawled, obviously enjoying the effect of his intrusion.
"Will you get out of my way, please?"
"Why? Are you in a hurry? No time for old friends?"
She realized now what he was up to. He was determined to corner her, to play the master-servant game, like he had Some power over her. He enjoyed that role. It was probably the only time he felt like a man, Laurie thought.
"I'm through with games, Jimmie. Just let me go by."
"How about a date tonight? We'll go to our usual place."
Laurie didn't answer.
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" he mocked.
"I told you already. I'm booked up," she snapped. She had to keep her voice down so that people passing wouldn't hear.
"With that pretty boy who comes to visit you every day at the diner?"
"None of your damn business."
"Ah-ah," he said, shaking his finger. "What language. What if lover-boy heard you? Wouldn't he be surprised! Or maybe he knows all about you. Did you tell him all about yourself, Laurie?"
"Shut your filthy mouth." Laurie was getting panicky. Jimmie was angry--and that could mean trouble. She seemed to be built for nothing but trouble.
"That was pretty fast work, Laurie. What'd you use on him?"
"If you don't leave me alone, I'm going to call the manager." Laurie tried to angle the pushcart around him, but he blocked her again.
"And cause a scene? Just because I want to see you alone for a little while? You know, kind of patch things up between us," he said. He was looking at her breasts, just like he always looked at her breasts when he talked to her.
"It's no good," Laurie hissed. "Can't you understand that? Laurie Wilson has turned over a new leaf. Go to your little college girl friend if you need it so bad, but leave me alone.'" Laurie's face reddened. An old man squeezing by them looked at her and shook his head. She waited for him to pass, then added, "Move over, Jimmie. I'm through being everybody's plaything."
Jimmie glared at her, his hands clenching and unclenching the rim of the wagon, until his knuckles showed white.
"I'll give you one more chance, Laurie," he threatened.
"Nothing doing," she said firmly. She was scared, but she stood her ground. She deserved at least one chance in life, one good break, and John was the first good thing to happen to her in a long time. She couldn't give up so easily, because she had the shaky feeling that this would be her last chance, her last hope for self-respect.
"Okay, Laurie. But don't say I didn't warn you!" And he was gone, just like that.
Laurie was left limp with anger and fear. She hated them all, all of them. But as for saying anything to John, she didn't think Jimmie would dare. He wouldn't have the guts. He was all mouth and that's all.
Laurie pushed on through the checkout, asked for her packages to be delivered, and left. She put her meeting with Jim Garett in the back of her mind and took the bus home.
She was home by eleven A.M. Evidently, John hadn't called yet, because her mother said nothing, so she kept herself busy with some personal chores like washing out some nylon panties and things. It was about one o'clock when the back doorbell rang.
"I'll get it, Ma," she called. "It's probably the delivery boy with the groceries."
"Okay, Laurie. The money's in the cookie jar."
Laurie dried her hands and went to the back door. Standing outside the screen door was a young boy with two large boxes of groceries at his feet. She gave him a smile and said, "C'mon in."
The boy smiled back, kind of shyly, and dragged in one of the boxes. He handed Laurie the bill, then went to fetch the other package. Laurie had dumped the contents of the cookie jar on the table and was busy sorting out the correct change when she happened to look up at the boy. He was staring down at her, at her breasts. He was staring so hard, Laurie felt as though her blouse was being peeled away by his eyes.
Laurie looked down to where his eyes were glued and was horrified at what she saw. She had been so busy washing, her thin cotton shirt was practically pasted to her skin with perspiration, and it was the next thing to being transparent. She had on nothing underneath. The soft globes of her breasts were plainly visible right down to the delicate pinkness of her nipples. No wonder he was so spellbound. She was nearly naked from the waist up. She blushed, confused and embarrassed.
The boy grinned when he realized she knew where his eyes were. He couldn't have been more than fifteen, and already he was giving her the eye. Laurie felt her face grow red as she handed him the money.
"That should be right," she said uneasily, and turned to get out of his gaze.
"Your name's Laurie, ain't it?"
"That's right," she said, and started to empty the boxes. Why didn't the damn kid leave? "You're pretty."
Laurie turned to face him. He was still looking at her hungrily. She recognized the obvious longing in his eyes. He was only a kid, she told herself. He didn't even shave yet. Laurie knew the look on his face all too well. Maybe one of his friends or one of the older boys had told him who to go to for a good sex education. By the way he was sizing her up, she could tell how eager he was.
"Look, kid, don't you have some other deliveries to make?"
"Yeah, but
" Suddenly Laurie's mother called down. "Who is it, dear?"
The kid reddened all over and lost his nerve. "Uh-- I've gotta go," he stammered. Laurie watched him exit, letting out a sigh of relief. Her fame was spreading to the younger generation, she thought, miserably.
"Laurie
?"
"It was the grocery boy, Ma," she called up. "Start putting them away, will you, and I'll be right down."
She heard the sound of the vacuum cleaner being dragged into the closet, then that of her mother's feet coming down the stairs.
The phone rang.
"I'll get it!" Laurie picked it up on the second ring. "Hello?"
"Hello, Laurie. How are you?" It was John. "Fine. I was just packing away some groceries," she said, breathless. "Are you working today?"
"You bet. But I'm taking the evening off. Are you free?" ""Yes."
"Good. I'll pick you up at eight," he said, then added, "and Laurie--I've missed you."
Laurie's heart skipped a beat. It was too good to be true. She wasn't quite sure what to say. "I think I missed you too."
"See you at eight. Oh, by the way, no fancy dressing tonight. Let's make it a simple evening. I've got something planned."
"Okay."
Laurie hung up the phone. She was in seventh heaven. Another date with John Masterson. She had a feeling her luck was changing.
Perhaps things could work out for her. Perhaps her prayers would be answered. Maybe John's sincere affection, his tender regard was the cure for which she was seeking. Maybe her salvation was written into the awful play her life had so far been. Maybe John was to be her Prince Charming.
CHAPTER SIX
"Going out tonight?" Laurie nodded.
"With that new young man?" her mother asked. "Yes. John just called."
"I'm glad. He's a fine young man." Laurie noted the delighted twinkle in her mother's eyes. "Maybe a little old for you... "
"Oh, Mom..."
"Only teasing, Laurie." She held up her hand in a sign of truce. "Just wanted to see how serious you are about him. Have a good time," she said, and kissed her daughter lightly on the forehead.
At eight o'clock, John's car pulled up in front of her house, and this time Laurie was ready on time. John had said not to dress, so she had on a simple skirt and blouse that made her look as young as she was. After a short conversation with her parents, they left.
"Now can you tell where we're going?" You sounded so mysterious over the phone," Laurie said, when they were seated in the car.
"Well, in my travels around town today, I noticed something that I hadn't been to since I was a kid. A town carnival. So that's where we're headed. I hope you don't object to hot dogs and corn on the cob for dinner."
Laurie's heart sank. "Oh, no. Not at all."
"Good, then let's get going. I can't think of anyone I'd rather be on a ferris wheel with than you," he said, and took her hand warmly.
The town carnival. Every year the local church sponsored it, and all the profits went to charity. It was Saturday night, and probably every boy in Newbury would be at the carnival, with their dates or alone. She hadn't had time to prepare. How could she face all their malicious looks and side glances. They'd all be gossiping and pointing fingers, and John would be bound to notice something funny.
The place was crowded when they got there. There were all kinds of booths set up, and toward the end of the lot there were a few rides, including a huge ferris wheel, all lit up. Barkers were calling out the attractions of their particular booths, kids were running around crazily, dizzy with every thing they saw. John bought the tickets, and, as they walked into the bubbling atmosphere that only a carnival can generate, Laurie couldn't help being caught up in the excitement. There was laughing and fun all around her, and suddenly she wanted to be a part of it all. She looped her arm with John's and smiled up at him. "Glad we came?"
"Now I am," she said, "and by tomorrow I'll be the envy of every girl in town."
"You certainly know how to boost a man's ego." he said, pulling her close.
Laurie took a quick look around. She knew almost everyone there, and practically everyone knew her--knew her all too well. Her eyes moved around and stopped when she recognized a couple boys in the middle of a group. Color flamed her cheeks when they spotted her. She could remember making love to both of them at different times, and she knew they must be thinking the same thing, wondering whether or not she was now sleeping with the man next her.
She turned to John and kind of steered him in the opposite direction. "How's your shooting?"
"Not bad, I think."
"Shall we test it? There's a target booth right over there."
"By all means. Maybe I can win you a Kewpie doll."
He didn't win her a Kewpie doll, but he was a pretty good shot, Laurie had to confess. He bought two rounds and made four out of six shots.
"Pretty good for a city fellow," Laurie teased.
"I was in the army. But, to tell the truth, I don't like guns." He was suddenly serious, and Laurie realized how little she really knew about him. So he was in the army. What else was there? What kind of people did he know? What kind of girls did he date? She wondered about his past, about the other girls he'd known and maybe even loved.
They visited practically every attraction, played all the games, and John won her a little stuffed Teddy bear. They were about to try the rides when Laurie heard a familiar voice from behind.
It was Mike Curtis and Jim Garett.
"Hi, Laurie," Mike drawled, when she turned.
Laurie tried to hide her anger. "Hello Mike" Laurie said coldly. Mike and Jim looked to John, actually forcing an introduction. She had no choice but to do so, keeping her voice as cool and nonchalant as possible. They kept glancing curiously back at John, and she even thought she saw the two of them give a silent nod, as if deciding on something.
Finally, they left, but not before making Laurie a nervous wreck. She felt as though she was walking on a tight rope, and the slightest wrong move could upset the balance of everything she hoped for.
"That's a small town for you," she said to John, trying to cover her nervousness. "Everybody has to know everything. No secrets."
"I felt as though they were examining me with a microscope," John admitted, laughingly. "Let's skip the ride and have another bite. Okay?"
"Mmm. I am a little hungry. There's a refreshment stand over there and a few benches a little ways down," Laurie offered.
"Fine. You go sit down. I'll get something for both of us." John headed toward the refreshment stand. To Laurie's horror, she saw Mike Curtis and Jim Garett, heading the same way, as if by plan.
Laurie sat down on a bench where she could view them easily. She gripped the edge of the bench and watched as they started a conversation. She felt her heart chill. She was imagining the sort of conversation Mike and Jim might be making. She was positive they were making some remarks about her. They might even be telling John the whole truth, just so they could again have their share of her.
Hours seemed to pass till John returned. He came back smiling and handed her a hot dog and coke.
"This was all I could manage to get."
"It's--it's fine." she said Laurie searched John's face for a sign trying to detect any hint of a change. But there was none. Either nothing had been said about her or he was keeping it to himself.
But what if Mike and Jimmie had said something about her, insulted her, and he simply put it aside, disbelieving them. What would he think when he got the same story from other people around town?
"Would you like to take a walk?" he asked, when they finished eating. "I think I've just about had enough carnival for one night."
"Me too."
"Don't forget your Teddy bear."
There was a chill in the air, and the silence was a relief from the frantic carnival sounds and honky-tonk music.
"I hadn't been to a carnival since I was a teen-ager." He looked at her and smiled. "I keep forgetting you're still a teen-ager."
"Not for long. Besides my mother got married when she--" Laurie stopped, embarrassed.
"When she what?" he coaxed.
"When she was seventeen. I guess they're wondering when I'll take the step."
"Do you want to get married, Laurie? I mean, when the right man comes along?"
Laurie wanted to say, he has, but instead she said, "I probably won't be happy until then." Her heart was pounding excitedly. She had the feeling they were both thinking the same things.
John suddenly stopped walking. They were far from the lights of the carnival, but in the distance they could still hear the sounds of gaiety drifting through the air. Neither of them spoke for a moment.
Then he said, "You know, Laurie, I think I've fallen in love with you."
"I think I love you too, John."
"Do you think it can happen so fast?"
"I don't know. They say it does." she murmured.
"Let's walk some more," he said, and took her hand. He looked as though he had something important on his mind that he had to make a decision about. For a brief instant, Laurie feared that Jimmie or Mike had said something nasty about her, and he was thing it over. He looked so solemn.
Then he stopped again and took both her hands in his. "Laurie, I want you to be my wife. I want to marry you."
Laurie looked at his strong face. She loved him. He had said the very words she'd dreamed of hearing ever since she met him that day on the bus. But now, after actually hearing them, she felt afraid and confused.
"I-- but"
"But what, Laurie?"
"You hardly know anything about me. You'd be marrying almost a complete stranger," she whispered.
"But you'd be taking the same chance with me, Laurie. "There's nothing more I need to know about you."
"You don't know me at all, John," she repeated, even softer.
"Then I'll find out all about you."
A chill passed through her. Find out all about her.
"Laurie, I love you. And you said you loved me. We'll have a whole lifetime to learn about each other. If you like, we can confess all our secrets to each other now. I'll start. When I was twelve, in grammar school... "
"No," Laurie laughed. His enthusiasm was contagious. He was so trusting, she almost believed it could work. "No confessions."
"But if we're supposed to know each other before we get married, there can be no secrets."
"Your past doesn't matter."
"Does that mean the answer is yes?"
"I don't know," she said. "I don't know." She wished she could be free of the past, wipe out all her sins.
Suddenly Laurie was in his arms, her face snuggled against his shoulder. His arms wrapped around her, and she felt protected.
"What are you afraid of, Laurie?" he asked.
Maybe it could work, Laurie thought. With John's love to give her strength, she would be able to again walk with pride. So long as all the town busybodies kept their mouths shut!
John gently stepped back, his hands on her shoulders. "You think about it, Laurie. Think about it hard," he said, with intensity. "Because I love you so much, Laurie. And I don't want to lose you."
"All right. But I need a little time."
John broke the seriousness of the moment and said, "It's a deal. I'll wait until tomorrow for your answer."
"That's not giving me much time," she smiled back.
'No, but I don't have much time to give. I've waited a long while for someone like you, Laurie, and now that I've found you, I can't let you slip away so easily." He paused, then went on. "You see, in a couple of weeks, when I'm through here, the company wants me on the coast--permanently. And I want you with me."
"California?"
"Yes. I didn't want to tell you until later. It's a wonderful opportunity for me--for us, perhaps--but I didn't want you to think I was trying to pressure you. But I guess I am," he added.
California! Away from Newbury. A completely new start in life with someone she loved! It was too fantastically wonderful to be happening.
"Oh, that's wonderful, John. I'm so proud of you!" she beamed.
"Then you don't mind leaving Newbury?"
"Mind?" she cried. "John, I can't tell you how much I've wanted to leave this town... the people... "
"I was so afraid... but that's wonderful! We can get married next week and... "
Laurie cut him off. "I have till tomorrow," she reminded him. "Remember?"
"Right. C'mon now. I'll take you home. The sooner you start thinking the better."
They bypassed the carnival and got into the car. Laurie wanted to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. She looked over at John, and the sight of his strong face gave her confidence, confidence in the future.
"Let's go for a short ride," she suggested suddenly. She knew she was courting danger, but suddenly she felt like doing something reckless and carefree.
John headed for the quieter outskirts of town, and they just cruised along aimlessly. On a rather deserted road, he pulled over and stopped the motor. Without a word they were suddenly in each others arms, where Laurie so desperately wanted to be. These last days had been a torment. She needed his body next to hers, needed the warmth of his touch on her skin. She knew how starved for love her body was. It never let her forget.
She pressed her body tight up against his. His tongue darted between her lips, and his hand came down to her breast, hesitated a moment, then cupped it. Laurie felt the heavy throbbing begin.
But John eased away and broke the spell before she lost control.
"We'd better not lose our heads," he said, smiling. "I want to begin our marriage the right way, not in a parked
j) car.
Laurie nodded. He thought she was a virgin! He wanted a story-book wedding night, replete with all the care and tenderness a husband is supposed to give to a blushing bride.
Laurie's face was hot with shame and guilt as they drove off. She knew she wouldn't sleep tonight.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The next day, John called early to say he'd have to get some paper work out of the way at his office, but he'd see her later and would expect her answer then.
It should have been the happiest day in Laurie's life, but it wasn't. The love of a young, handsome man, marriage, happiness, a new start in life--everything her heart desired--was suddenly at her fingertips. All she had to do was reach out and take it.
But something stopped her.
She had a strange foreboding, a premonition that life was playing a big, fat trick on her, teasing her, whetting her appetite. She had wakened with the uneasy feeling that somehow the joke was on her, and she couldn't shake it no matter how hard she reasoned against it.
It wasn't that she didn't trust John's love. She believed in it with all her heart. His love, she was sure, was big enough not to insist that she come to his wedding bed a virgin. He'd said he didn't care about her past, that he felt he'd known her all his life--and in a way it was true. With him she was really herself, the Laurie she used to be and wanted to be, not just some Tom's kitten, jumping into back alleys whenever they came calling.
Besides, she'd never really given herself completely to any of them... It had always been her damned body taking over, leaving her out completely, forcing her to lie down and submit. She'd never given her love, only her body.
Laurie was only too aware that, even now, as she sought freedom from her flesh, it was trying to weaken her, undermine all her hopes and dreams, remind her that she'd been too long without a man, without a man's body straining with hers. She had been forcing out the hungry sensation in her thighs for days now, but how much longer she could hold out was another story.
John said they'd marry in a week if she agreed. Could she quiet her starving body until then? There would be more kissing and hugging. John would touch her breast again, only more lingeringly. He'd kiss them, and then her control would collapse. She'd tear at his clothes, shove his hands in her blouse, up her skirt, force him to make love to her.
And when it was over, where would she be? Just where she'd been for the last three years.
There was a timid knock on her door. It opened and Laurie's mother stood there, holding a small tray in front of her.
"I made you a sandwich, since you won't come down," she said.
Her mother had been trying to coax her out of her room all morning, worried at her daughter's seclusion. Laurie smiled, imagining how her mother's face would light up if she told her John had proposed. Since meeting him, even her home life seemed happier, Laurie reflected. Before she had always been too guilt-ridden to talk to them for more than a moment.
"I'm sorry, Ma. I just felt like being alone."
"Is anything wrong? Did you have a fight with that nice young man?" She put the tray on Laurie's dresser, fussing with the napkin self-consciously. She wasn't used to questioning her daughter.
Laurie felt a surge of emotion. Her mother looked so meek and hesitant, and Laurie realized that she had helped make her that way by shutting her out of her life completely. It was a necessity, sure, but her mother didn't know that.
Laurie went up and hugged her warmly. "No, Ma, I didn't have a fight with John." She wanted to go on, tell her that it was quite the opposite, but habit held her back. She'd have to learn all over again how to give freely when it came to her family.
"Oh, I'm glad," her mother smiled. "Now you eat your sandwich. Your father and I decided to take in a movie this afternoon. There's a roast in the oven. All you have to do is heat it, if you want something later."
Laurie listened till they left, then kicked off her shoes and flopped down on the bed. She didn't feel like eating. She had an answer to come up with by this evening. John would no doubt be calling in a couple of hours to pick her up.
Mrs. John Masterson...
In a few weeks she'd be away from all the old tormenting memories of sin. The sly remarks and wicked smiles would be a thing of the past. They'd have their own home, their own bed...
All she had to do was say yes.
It seemed so easy. Too easy.
What if the same thing started after they were married? Suppose one man simply wasn't enough to satisfy her abnormal desires? There'd be a new Jimmie and Mike. Someone would innocently brush against her at a cocktail party and sense the instant reaction. Maybe a week would pass, maybe two, but they'd be around to test if their intuition had been correct. Could Mrs. John Masterson be made when her husband wasn't around? Word would circulate, and then they'd all be around, one by one, to wind Mrs. Masterson up and watch her go. Because that was all you had to do. Just a pinch or a pat in the right place was sufficient to set her off.
Washroom stories would be the same as the ones in Newbury.
Only Laurie wouldn't be sole butt of a filthy joke. She would be able to share that honor with her husband. He'd be ridiculed and insulted right along with her. Only he wouldn't know it, until one day when he'd walk into a room unnoticed and overhear two men exchanging filthy stories. About his wife.
And she'd not only have ruined her life for a- second time...
She'd have torn his apart as well.
Could she take that chance? Play with his future as well as her own? She would be using his love as a tool to satisfy her sick body. A tool that would probably not even be enough. Because Laurie knew from experience that the more she got the more she craved. She was an addict: her habit was sex.
No matter how she looked at it, it seemed she was on the top of a sliding pond and the only way was down. She was walking along the edge of a precipice in her relation with John. At any moment, perhaps now, someone would come along and tell him about her, and she would go tumbling down.
How long could she keep up the charade? A day? A week? A month? It didn't matter. The impact would be the same when he found out what kind of girl she was.
Laurie was petrified with indecision. Either way she turned, the obstacles loomed up, big and menacing. But still there was that tiny glimmer of hope that she couldn't put aside. She had prayed for a miracle, so why couldn't this be it? Laurie asked herself. It was her stubborn fear and shame that kept her from marrying John. She loved him, and he loved her. Only a fool would hesitate.
The phone rang, catapulting Laurie to an upright position. He was calling sooner than she expected. Her heart raced insanely as she thought of what she'd tell him. Most likely he'd be there in less than half an hour after hanging up. It rang a fourth time.
Laurie got up and went to the hall phone outside her room.
"Hello?"
"Hello, Laurie."
She froze. It was Jim Garett. Her heart jumped into her throat and started to pound. She caught her breath and said, "What do you want?"
"Nothing special, Laurie. Just a little talk. I felt lonely."
"I'm busy, so make it quick."
"With Johnnie-boy?"
There was a long silence. Laurie felt her hand perspiring as she held the receiver to her ear. She could hear him breathing at the other end. It made her stomach turn, but still hung on. Finally, she repeated, "What do you want, Jimmie?"
"Couple of the boys and I were just saying how much we missed you."
"I'll bet"
"Thought we might pay you a visit."
Laurie's hand began to tremble. "My parents... "
"Are downtown, Laurie. We just saw them going into the movies. And the thought of you all alone... "
She really got panicky. If they knew her parents weren't home, and they did, they were liable to do something crazy, especially if Jimmie and Mike were together. They gave each other courage... She tried to think of something quick. But what? She couldn't say she had to go out. John expected her to be home and would be calling perhaps any minute now. "Keep away from me, Jimmie. Why do you have to ruin my life. I've changed. Why won't you let me be?"
"What's the matter, Laurie? You too good for us or something? That's no way to be treating old friends."
"You were never a friend of mine. Just somebody to keep company with."
"You did more than keep company," Jimmie said. "Remember all the good times we had? And there'll be more. Because you still can't say no, Laurie."
"That's past history," she said coldly.
"How about this Masterson guy? Does he do you up good, Laurie? Do you get enough loving, or could you use a little quickie on the side?"
"Shut up, damn you. I meant what I told you. I'm through with you and all your filthy... "
"That ain't a nice thing to say, honey." He paused, then continued. He pronounced each word with the sharpness of a dagger. "How would you like me to have a little talk with Johnny-boy?"
Laurie cringed. "You don't mean that?" she murmured hoarsely.
"What do you think?"
Laurie pictured herself on top of that sliding pond again and knew that this time she was on her way down. She heard the mumbling of voices on the phone, then Mike's coarse voice took over.
"Mike here, baby," he said. "The fact is, we're both feeling a little horny and... well, you know the old saying; 'no one will miss a slice off a cake that's already been cut.' So wha'dya say? Do we give Johnny M. a detailed report, or you gonna cooperate?"
Laurie felt dead inside. "You can't come here," she murmured. Her mouth was like chalk. She had no choice but to give in, give them what they wanted and be done with it. And as for John . . ? She must never let him find out the truth--no matter what she had to do.
"Well, we're not so unreasonable," Mike drawled. He knew he had her now, so he could be generous. "How about meeting us at Pearl and Main street. Say around seven."
"I'll try."
"No trying, baby. You be there. Or we see Johnny-boy and set the record straight."
"Seven. I'll be there."
Laurie hung up the phone. She felt stiff and unreal, as though she were going through the motions of a terrible nightmare. It was all over, the beautiful dream, and she was back in the gutter where she belonged. All with one phone call.
The telephone rang again. Laurie jumped nervously. It was John, she thought. She couldn't talk to him now-- or ever again. A lump swelled in her throat, and her eyes stung with tears.
The phone rang a second time, a third. A fourth. A fifth. A sixth... Then it stopped. Laurie held her breath, waiting in the silence. John would be worried, she knew. He would try again.
There it was--ringing again. Laurie ran in her room and burst into tears. She hadn't changed at all, not one iota. But what could she do? Phone the police and say that Jim Garett had just threatened her? That would be a laugh. Jim would simply claim that it was a social call. He'd tell of the dozens of times she laid down for him, and he'd have dozens of friends to back him up. Any accusation against Jim or Mike would bring everything out into the open. All her terrible sins would be public knowledge.
It would kill her parents, and John would despise her.
No, Laurie thought, she couldn't say anything against them.
Her face was soaked with tears. She fell onto the bed and stared unseeing at the ceiling, while the phone rang and rang.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Jimmie and Mike were drunk. They came to a short stop, screeching the breaks, at seven on the dot on the corner of Pearl and Main Street. They told Laurie to jump in, then shot off, jerking her head back. As soon as she got into the car she smelled the stale odor of whiskey. She sat in the middle, each side of her body pressed tight against them.
Mike put his arm around her and landed a wet kiss on her neck. Her skin curdled, and she looked away.
"You're sure a sight for a hungry fellow," he said. "Ain't she Jimmie?"
Jim took his eyes off the road for an instant and said, "You look lovely, Laurie."
"Thank you." Her voice was cold. But she knew it wouldn't take long for her body to warm up. They knew it too, so they simply ignored the ice in her voice.
"Hey, this is like old times, Laurie. Shall we make it the usual place?"
"I don't care where you take me. Just hurry up." The sooner it's over the better, Laurie thought.
"Impatient, huh, Laurie? Well, relax. Big Mike and I are gonna take care of you real good. You'll see."
Yeah. Maybe you forgot what a real man's like."
They both laughed.
Laurie knew where they were headed all right: down to the lake. It would be deserted by the time they got there. Any late picnickers would have left the woods by seven-thirty.
Her parents were probably home by now, having dinner. They must have already spoken to John, because the phone had been ringing constantly every ten or fifteen minutes before she left the house. She had written her mother a note and left it on the kitchen table, asking her to tell John that she had a date with someone else. The thought of deceiving him brought a lump to her throat every time.
Deceiving him! she thought. She was telling the truth, for once in her life. She had a date with not one but two slobbering pigs, who in about ten minutes would have her panties rolled down and be fighting over firsties.
Laurie squeezed her eyes shut. Oh, John, John! she cried inwardly. Why couldn't things have been different? Will it ever end? Will I be like this for the rest of my life?
When they were outside the town, Mike started to paw her while Jimmie drove. Laurie knew the procedure. He wanted her all worked up by the time they got there, so he could just flop down on her and take what he wanted without bothering with any of the preliminaries. He brushed her hair back and was doing little things with her ear. And when he felt her involuntary shiver, he started whispering all sorts of lewd words and remarks to egg her on, excite her. He told her things he would do to her, how he would do them, and how she'd cry out for more and more.
"Hey, Mike," Jimmie laughed, raising his voice against the wind, "don't use her all up. Save some for later, old buddy."
"Don't worry. I'm just warming her up," Mike said. "Good. We're almost there."
Laurie felt like a robot, like some sort of mechanical being. Turn her on; turn her off. She was there to be used. Suddenly Laurie realized that was the way she wanted it. That was all she was good for--to be used and abused. It was a just punishment.
They buzzed along the main highway, then turned off. A few bumps and turns and then they stopped.
Mike reached down and began to undo her blouse. A cool hand gripped her breast. A shiver of desire swept through her. Laurie shut her eyes tight, trying to ward off the inevitable. Suddenly his hands were everywhere at once. Perhaps Jimmie was at her too. She didn't want to open her eyes to find out. It didn't matter at this point. They could rip her apart, and she wouldn't care. As long as the throbbing of desire surged through her flesh, she was helpless to resist--or care.
One thing only took possession of her senses, swelled and spread through her brain, saturating her consciousness--the search for release, the desperate straining to put out the raging fire low in her stomach.
The cold moistness of grass and dirt scraped her back. She must be outside the car, she thought-through the red haze. Her blouse was already off and her skirt too. Mike's lips came down on hers, and she clung to them hungrily, plunging her tongue into his mouth. The madness churning in the pit of her stomach was out of control. She had to have more. Mike's big hand grasped her thighs and pressed hard. She pushed herself up toward him and gasped wildly as his body plunged down to hers.
It had been too long--much too long. Her body was starved, and the hardness of his body made her crazy. She thrashed wildly in a sea of lust, trying to mount and rise to the top of each successive wave that swept through her. They grew higher and higher...
An image of John's face floated into her consciousness and with it a moment of acute awareness. She saw herself, thrashing like a wild animal in the last throes of lust, the man above her as good as a stranger, faceless in the darkness of her passion.
John, forgive me! she cried, and then let herself be plunged into the dark, pulsating ocean that engulfed her. She and the ocean became one. She rose and fell rhythmically with the great tide. She threw her head back, panting and gasping, digging her heels into the rough ground. Mike pinched and twisted her nipples till they were raw and tender, but the sensation of pain felt good too. The hard ground, Mike's bruising kisses, everything combined to nourish and fan the fire even higher, until she thought she'd burst.
Then the blow-up came. Bright and shattering.
Dark and dirty--because following it came realization.
self-disgust, a dull throbbing reminder. That was all that remained once the dam was broken.
Laurie was dimly aware of Mike slipping away. She was wet with his sweat and spent passion. Blades of grass stuck to her skin. She opened her eyes to see Mike stepping aside, making room for the next in line, she thought bitterly. There was no passion in her now. She wanted to be left alone with her shame.
John was a long way off now, something that had happened to her in a previous existence, a vague memory, a dream of goodness and purity in the midst of a never-ending nightmare of lust and desire.
"Boy, Laurie, you were really wound up," Mike said, still breathing hard.
Wound up. Turn the key, press the button, and watch Laurie perform.
"Yeah," Jimmie panted. His eyes were bulging ludicrously from their sockets. "That was some show!"
Laurie looked at him with disgust. So, she'd helped Jimmie find a new way to get a kick--at her expense. Too bad it wouldn't be enough, Laurie thought, sickly aware that in a moment she'd not only have Mike's sweat all over her body, but Jimmie's as well. He was standing there looking down at her, his eyes gleaming like a wolf in the moonlight.
Please help me! Laurie though. Lying there on the ground, she felt like a snake wallowing in its own slime. Why couldn't she be free of this sickness? She wanted to move, to get Up and run. But run where? There'd be another Jimmie, blocking the end of the road, threatening to expose her at every turn, pushing her down and down.
Laurie bit her lip and squeezed her eyes tight, but tears wouldn't come. They just swelled up painfully in her throat and stung her eyes, but couldn't find release.
"It looks as though Johnny-boy hasn't been giving you enough, Laurie," Jimmie said.
"Go to hell!" she said, looking away.
"Now that ain't a nice thing to say. Not when I'm gonna help you fix up," he grinned.
Suddenly the knot holding Laurie down snapped. She had to get away. Run. Anywhere--as long as it was far away from their mocking faces. She pulled herself up and weaved slightly as the blood was suddenly forced from her head. Jimmie reached out for her.
"Don't touch me you pig!"
"You don't mean that."
"Don't touch me," she cried, then burst into tears. She was crumpling like a pathetic mass of noting. "Don't touch me," she kept repeating, "don't touch me."
Jimmie smiled and walked toward her. She backed up against a tree. He hovered over her, big and overpowering. She felt ridiculously small, pinned there against the tree.
Suddenly his hands shot out. One hand clamped down on her mouth, forcing her skull to hit the tree; the other hand clamped on her breasts. She made a muffled sound and tried to bite his hand. He pushed himself toward her, his hand on her breast, smashing painfully between their tightly pressed bodies.
She fought back with all her might, clawing him, trying to shove his brute strength away from her. But despite her efforts, she found to her horror that her body was beginning to respond, to churn with desire. Her breath came in shorter gasps. The same old crazy uncontrollable sensations were sweeping over her.
Don't do it," she forced the words through clenched teeth. "Please don't do it again... "
"Relax, baby," he laughed. "Enjoy it."
Then with a grunt he plunged at her. The bark of the tree scraped her back. Her fists pounded against his chest. He was big and powerful and demanding.
His body crashed repeatedly against hers. She closed her eyes and stopped trying to fight. Pain turned to pleasure. Her body galloped wildly, keeping time with his frantic pace.
His mouth covered hers, and he plunged his tongue down into her throat till she gasped for air. Beads of perspiration coated their straining bodies. She felt his hands clasp her buttocks and knead the tender flesh, then brutally shove them against his hard body.
She didn't want him. She hated him. But she roped her arms around his sweaty back, her hands enjoying the subtle play of muscles, then moving downward to the firmness of his buttocks. She was beyond recall now. Every muscle of her feverish body strove with his, faster and faster, until...
Suddenly it was over.
"Hey, now," Jimmie drawled. "That wasn't so bad." His hot flesh was still plastered against hers. "You seemed to like it well enough," he panted in her face. The whiskey was still on his breath, only it smelled even more putrid.
He pulled away and started to fumble into his trousers along with Mike. They were like two satisfied apes, Laurie thought, watching them.
"Here you go, Baby," Mike said, and tossed a bundle of clothes in front of her. She looked down at the little heap at her feet. She felt unmentionably filthy. She bent and picked them up one by one and slipped them on like an automation. She walked to the car and got in. She waited silently while they finished up, listening to them joking and laughing. She stared straight ahead into the black night until she felt them get in and drive off.
They talked on the way back--to each other, to her. It didn't matter. She heard nothing. Perhaps they were touching her, too. But she didn't know it. It was all of no importance now.
They dropped her off at her house at about midnight. She went into the house as quietly as possible so as not to wake her parents. She looked at herself in the hall mirror as she locked the front door. She was a mess. Her hair hung down over her face with bits of grass stuck in it here and there. Her soiled blouse hung out of her skirt and was wrongly buttoned, making her look like something out of a lopsided comedy. Her lips were swollen and the skin on her arms scratched and dirty.
She gazed at her reflection for a moment, then whispered, "Damn you!" to herself.
If John ever saw her like this...
She made her way upstairs .Her mother had left a small light on for her. As she tiptoed past her parents' bedroom, she heard her mother call out softly, "Laurie?"
"Yes, Mom," she said. Please don't come out, Mom. Not tonight.
"Did you have a nice time?"
"It was okay. Goodnight, Mom."
"Goodnight."
In her room, she flung off her clothes. She felt sticky and itchy all over. She'd have to take a long, hot shower before going to bed.
Sure, it was a good night all right.
For Jimmie and Mike... and all the neighborhood boys who would be hearing the good news tomorrow. That Laurie Wilson was back in circulation.
CHAPTER NINE
It was a week later.
Laurie wandered aimlessly around the empty house. That wall all she seemed to do the past week; lie around in her room, try to read a book, try to take her mind off the endless nights that loomed ahead.
She had quit her job at the diner, so that John couldn't seek her out there. At home not a day went by that he didn't call, sometimes even twice in an afternoon. Her mother would answer the phone, and she'd listen, tormented, at the top of the stairs, hear the hurt voice, the hesitancy and confusion in her mother's voice as she told him her daughter wasn't home or some other lame excuse.
Poor Mom, Laurie thought. She never sounded very convincing. Anyone could tell she was lying for her daughter and didn't like the idea of doing it. Especially to such a "nice, young man" as she had put it to Laurie.
But it was precisely because he was such a nice, young man that Laurie had to lie to him. It was the easy way out. The coward's way. She couldn't look him in the face and tell him he had proposed marriage to the town whore. That was too much of a blow for any man to take. And she couldn't allow Jimmie or Mike to do it, either. Also, there wasn't just John to consider. There were her parents, who believed in her and loved her. She had to shield them, too.
For as long as she could, anyway.
The truth and the subsequent scandal she'd cause would probably kill her mother, not to mention her father's respected image in town.
In a few weeks John would be gone and free of her, Laurie thought. In a short while he'd forget her, meet someone else. Someone who deserved his love. She wished with every fibre of her being that she could be that someone--that someone special he spoke of on their first date. If she could only wipe away the past, cleanse her body from all the men who had known her and possessed her.
If only she could cure this thing--this sickness--eating away at her insides, robbing her of everything she longed for. Everything decent and clean.
But the days dragged on, and instead of getting better she was getting worse. She needed more sex than ever before. Jimmie had been right about one thing.
The more she got, the more she needed.
And he, along with a whole string of neighborhood boys, was out to get his share of Laurie.
During the days she felt strangely drained of energy, the way she always felt right after her sex needs had been temporarily satisfied. She walked around as if in a fog. Her days were empty chunks out of time, filled with only guilt and shame, and tormenting memories of what could have been. She was thankful that her parents were spending the Sunday with friends. The less she saw of them the less she had to explain.
Each day was another dull reminder.
But her nights were something different. They were filled with a different kind of torment. They were a time of lust and abandon, when she gave herself up to the forbidden fires that raged through her body, burning out every last hope of decency, dragging her deeper and deeper into the depths of degradation and depravity.
There were no more illusions to smooth the way for her. She was what she was and because of that they held her by the throat. It was blackmail, sure, but on the other hand she didn't exactly make things too difficult for them. They forced her, but always at the crucial moment she began to cooperate. It was like clockwork. Once they worked her up into a fever pitch, she'd give herself more than freely to anyone.
Laurie went over to where her parents kept the liquor and poured herself a double scotch. For the past week now she had been taking little nips from the bottle. Her parents hadn't noticed, because they rarely touched the stuff themselves. It was just kept in the house for company. How could they have any inkling that their lovely daughter was becoming a booze hound along with other things? Anyway, Laurie didn't care that much. That would be the least shocking thing they could find out about her.
Still, she made a mental note to replace the bottle with a new one tomorrow. She couldn't shake the habit of playing the "good girl," Laurie thought wryly.
She twirled the honey-colored liquid for a moment, gazing into it as though looking for an answer. Then she stiffened and poured the scotch down her throat. It was bitter and burned a trail down to her empty stomach, where is sat like a hot potato. She wasn't used to drinking. She filled the glass a second time and put the bottle away. What was left of it, anyway. Glass in hand she walked over to the couch and stretched out, wishing there were some way she could forget, for at least a little while. Her brain was constantly flooded with memories of her past, of all the boys she had let touch her body... of John. And especially of the past week.
It had been a busy one all right.
Every day of the week she had a visitor. It had started early Monday, when she was returning from the diner. She had gone in person to tell them she wouldn't be working there any more. It was the least she could do. Instead of taking the bus, she decided to walk home. At least it would kill some time.
But she met Bob Cutter, and he had his own ideas on how to kill time. From the look on his fat face and the way he spoke to her she knew that Jimmie or Mike had already passed the word to him. And he obviously had no intentions of wasting any time. At ten in the morning he was already hot-footing it to the diner, thinking she would be there and no doubt hoping he'd be first. He must have gotten quite a fill-in of the night before.
So Bob was the first of the week.
She made a date with him for that evening, and when he picked her up he made no pretense of taking her to a movie or something. He took her to his place, gave her a drink, then started the gymnastics. At first Laurie was reluctant and annoyed, but then, like always, she responded.
He took her home and the next day called again. She hung up on him.
But an hour later his friend George called.
Then there was Jimmie again, and Mike, and Dick and Jack Nickols.
Even the pock-marked kid that had tried to make time with her at the diner and his greasy friend got a chance to try her out. Just the thought of looking at him made her sick to her stomach. When he tried to come near she fought like a wildcat, but without success. He, too, had been cued in thoroughly on what makes Laurie tick. He touched her breasts and her thighs and her body flared up. She remembered crying out at the moment before he took her, "Just don't kiss me!" But his face rammed down on hers and then it was too late to stop anything. She was lost again and it didn't matter who the man above her was or what he looked like. There seemed to be no end. She saw them all. Every evening she had a date and some afternoons, too, she spent doling out her special brand of loving.
There wasn't a thing she could do to stop them and they new it. Each made it a point of reminding her. They must have had quite a coaching session with Jimmie and Mike. Lessons on how to keep Laurie in line.
She hated it, every filthy minute of it, but she dared not stop their fun or they'd see to it, collectively, that John and her parents found out everything.
Laurie swallowed the second glass of scotch and placed the empty glass on the table next to the couch. The couch on which only the other day she had let one of them make love to her.
Jack Nickols.
Her mother had been out shopping when she heard someone at the back door. She thought maybe her mother had returned early or had sent some packages home ahead of her. But instead she saw Jack Nickols' grinning face behind the screen door. She thought of not letting him in, but the door was open anyway so she just turned around and went into the living room, sat on the couch and waited.
She knew he'd be right behind her and he was--red-faced and practically frothing at the mouth. He was quick and sloppy, apologizing when he was through because he had to run. He had come on his lunch hour, just on the chance she'd be alone.
Laurie looked at the clock ticking away on the mantle. At this very moment there were probably dozens of boys planning their next visit with her. She was without a doubt the greatest boon to Newbury since the automobile. At least for the male population. They knew where to get it whenever they needed it. Young and old. And the service was free!
Laurie laughed aloud. Yes, her fame was spreading, all right. Maybe she should start cashing in a little. Move to another town and set up a business. She may as well go the whole route. There was nothing left for her here. Nothing but the frightening possibility of exposure. Her parents were already eyeing her strangely. Her mother had tried to find out what happened between her and John at least four times this week. But Laurie refused to talk. About anything.
He mother was worried and puzzled and frightened at her behavior. But not as frightened as she was, Laurie thought. It wasn't an easy thing to go on lying to and deceiving the people you loved. Every night she had to make up a bunch of lies about where she was going, what she was doing, why she had quit her job.
It was hell!
And it couldn't last much longer. She'd wait till John left town, she decided suddenly, so there'd be no chance of his being told. Then she'd leave. She didn't know where she'd go, but she'd go someplaces. She had a little bit of money saved, so she could use that.
Besides, wherever she went she'd have something to pay her way with.
Laurie picked up her glass and took it into the kitchen. She washed it and carefully put it away, then went up to her room. She wanted to count and see just how much money she had in her drawer and how far she could go with it.
Thirty-eight dollars.
It wouldn't take her far.
But that was okay. She'd find some way to make it along the way. Some guy who'd be willing to pay for what she had to offer. No more kid stuff for Laurie Wilson.
She was sitting on a million dollars. All she had to do was go out and peddle it.
Suddenly the idea seemed extremely appealing to Laurie. She was excited and eager for time to go quickly, for the next two weeks to pass. Then she'd turn the tables on all of them. She'd learn to make men crawl for what they wanted. And pay!
Yes, she'd enjoy that, Laurie thought smiling. She'd enjoy that very much indeed
CHAPTER TEN
The doorbell rang, jolting Laurie back to reality.
She quickly gathered the money spread out on her bed and shoved it into the little cloth purse. She carefully hid it in the back corner of her dresser drawer under a pile of clothes. She started to run out of her bedroom to answer the door, then stopped.
It rang again.
Whoever it was, Laurie decided she wasn't going to answer it. It was most likely Jimmie or one of his creepy friends coming around to see what action they could drum up on a Sunday afternoon.
Well, she wasn't going to let them in. Not today. She deserved at least one day in the week free and she was going to have it if she had to shut herself up in her house like a criminal. Besides, she had plans to make. Big plans. Boy, wouldn't they all be surprised when little Laurie up and left them high and dry! She didn't know much about things in the big city, but she figured men were just about the same all over. They'd latch onto her the same as the male population of Newbury did. With only one difference: they'd pay for what they got!
If she stayed in this town much longer she'd become a regular institution. A charity institution at that!
The bell rang again, this time more intensely. Then Laurie heard the screen door rattling and she suddenly remembered that she must have left the door open when she picked up the Sunday papers. There was a latch, but that didn't do much good. Not if someone really had a mind to get in.
She stood still. If she didn't make a sound maybe they'd give up. A few seconds passed. She could hear them ticking away on the hall clock. All seemed quiet enough, so she slipped out of her sandals and tiptoed to the top of the stairway to peek down. A sudden and terrifying thought occurred to her. Her heart flip-flopped into her throat and she started to tremble uncontrollably.
What if it were John? With the door open, he'd know that someone must be home. Suppose he just walks in? Laurie thought panicky. What would she do? Her parents weren't home. She had no one to lie for her. He'd want to know why she refused to see or talk to him all these days. And what could she say?
How could she possibly face him, especially after this past week?
Laurie timidly peeked down the stairway. All she could see was a big shadow. She moved down a couple of steps to try to get a better view, but it was impossible from where she stood and she dared not move down any further in case it was John and he spotted her.
The screen door rattled furiously this time and then she heard Jimmie's voice.
"Laurie, I know you're there!"
Sighing, she went down to let him in. There was no use trying to keep him out. He could make quite a scene outside her door on a quiet Sunday afternoon.
"Okay, okay. Don't break the door down," she said. She wasn't too presentable--her hair was mussed and she had on a skimpy housedress--but it didn't matter. Not with Jimmie. He'd seen her naked in more ways than one.
Laurie opened the door and to her surprise there was someone else standing behind Jimmie on the porch. He followed Jimmie in without an invitation. He was in his mid-thirties, much shorter than Jimmie, with a lean, ugly face. He looked Laurie up and down with the coldness of a cattle buyer at an auction.
Laurie fidgeted uneasily. There was something about this guy that made her skin crawl. It was bad enough having Jimmie visiting her at her house. "Who's this?" she asked.
"This here is Marty Byrnes," Jimmie said. "Marty's a buddy of mine. He's new in town; be here only a short while. So--I thought I'd show him around. Marty, say hello to Laurie Wilson."
"Hello Laurie Wilson," the strange man said in a deep, unpleasant voice. He pulled out a chair and sat down, making himself right at home.
"Marty's from Chicago." Jimmie went on casually. "He's gonna be staying at my place for a couple of days, then he's heading for the East Coast. He's a big man, Laurie. I want you to treat him nice."
She stared at Jimmie, then at the thin-lipped, sinister stranger. "Why did you bring him here?"
Jimmie grinned. "He said he was looking for some action. I promised to show him some."
"If you think I'm--"
"You ain't gonna put up a fuss, are you, Laurie? You know what could happen to you if you got stubborn all of a sudden. Don't you?"
Laurie bit her lip. There was something nasty and foul about this stranger Jimmie had brought in. She was afraid of him. But she was also helpless.
Without warning, Jimmie stood up. "Okay, Laurie. Let's not waste Marty's time. Start taking your clothes off, huh?"
"Are you crazy?"
"I told you, Laurie. No. fuss. Now start stripping."
"In front of--him?" Laurie gasped.
"That's right, baby. He just came along to watch."
"I won't!" she cried hoarsely. "Not in front of a complete stranger! Tell him to go get his thrill somewhere else."
"Please," the older man said. "I'll just watch. That's all. I won't touch you."
"Just watch! What're you? Some kind of creep? This ain't a zoo, Mister!" Laurie spat out at him. She wasn't about to put on a free show for some nut off the street.
Jimmie stepped in front of her. "Take 'em off," he ordered. "If this is the way my friend Marty likes his kicks, then you're gonna see he gets 'em."
"You're disgusting, both of you!" she cried, and turned to run. Jimmie grabbed her and whirled her around sharply.
His fingers dug bruisingly into her arm. She tried to pull free. Jimmie slapped her. Not hard enough to leave any mark, but hard enough to show her who was boss.
"You gonna take 'em off, Laurie?"
"Not in front of that creep."
"Since when are you so fussy?" He twisted her arm behind her till she winced with pain. "How does that feel, Laurie? Wouldn't you rather be a good girl and do as I say? Now take 'em off or I'll take 'em off you."
Laurie realized she didn't have any choice. She began to panic. She thought frantically that if she refused, Jimmie and his friend would simply stay there all afternoon. Her parents would come home and then she would be trapped. She could never be able to explain away their presence.
"Let go," she said coldly. "I'm not interested in any of your dirty games."
"Don't be so nasty," he said. "It isn't as though I'm making you do anything you haven't done before."
His arm slipped up over her shoulder and cupped her breast. He let it linger there a moment, then pushed her toward the couch. His hand landed on her knee, pushed her dress aside and headed up towards her loins. She felt his groping hands with a mixture of revulsion and lust. The old magic was working. The least stimulation and she was wild, out of control.
She heard herself begin to pant. Jimmie's lips closed over hers, his tongue forced its way into her mouth. His big hands stroked her body. Her hips began to piston rhythmically in the beginning motions of love. Somewhere deep in her mind she felt disgust for herself, but she was unable to stop.
Jimmie suddenly stood up and yanked her to her feet. "That was just a little teaser. Now start undressing."
Laurie looked over to the stranger. He was sitting with a cigarette, taking it all in. With shaky fingers she unbuttoned her dress, slipped out of it and draped it over a chair. She hesitated a moment and glanced again at Jimmie's friend. The older man's eyes were bulging out of their sockets.
"All of it," he urged impatiently.
Laurie took of her bra, then her panties. Her body was not only hot from the weather but from the way Jimmie had roused it. She was nude now, her breasts thrusting forward, her belly flat, her buttocks smooth and rounded. She watched the two of them drinking up the sight of her hungrily.
Jimmie reached out and stroked her breasts. Her nipples rose up stiffly like little hills. He turned to his friend. "What'd I tell you, huh?" he said proudly and grinned.
"Just get on with it," Marty grunted impatiently. Beads of sweat were visible on his forehead.
Jimmie stripped quickly.
"Lie down," he said.
"No, Jimmie, please. Not in front of him," she whispered. "I don't want to."
"Yes you do. You always say you don't want to, but that's not what you mean."
He pointed to the couch and Laurie walked to it and lay down. She felt indescribably miserable and low. Like a zombie without a will of her own. The liquor she had been drinking earlier in the day was working at her brain.
She stared up at the ceiling, expectant. She could feel their hot beady eyes on her body. It was disgusting, but at the same instant exciting. She was completely exposed, waiting tensely for Jimmie's first move.
Then it came. Cold hands touched her breasts ever so lightly, then stroked the length of her body, gaining pressure till she could feel the sharpness of Jimmie's nails raking her flesh. It was a new feeling. A mingling of pain and pleasure. And all the while the urgency kept building. She didn't want it to. She hated herself for it, she hated every minute of it, but her body rose, seeking more. The touch of his hands were driving her crazy. Even now she was still unable to say no and make it stick.
"Don't Jimmie."
"You don't mean that."
His lips paused at her nipples, then went lower. She shivered in ecstasy. Her body was heating up like a furnace rapidly approaching a blowup. She tried to push him away, but it was like trying to move a mountain.
And then she stopped trying.
She lay back, her eyes closed, her lips parted, her breath coming hard. Jimmie was panting hoarsely.
His arms gripped her tightly. His body pressed down against hers with all its crushing weight. He ground his lips down on hers, hard...
His open mouth lunged against hers, robbing her of her breath, ripping back and forth against her lips. She tore her lips free. She was being taken like a whore in a back alley, amid the stench of garbage and filth.
Jimmie groaned and bit into her shoulder. Laurie shivered with pain. His passion was suffocating her, his body a brutal punishment. She racked her nails down his back to quicken his frenzy, increase her torture.
Her hate and bitterness was rising triumphantly in a tortured crescendo of passion. A morbid satisfaction raced through her mind at the thought of making love like this.
Being on exhibition, tasting the punishment of humiliation and rage.
Laurie felt his hot tongue trace a wet trail of passion along her throat, around her ears. Then, reaching down, he gripped her fleshy thighs. He dug into their softness as if trying to rip off a hunk of live tissue. Laurie screamed under the sharp stab of pain, then felt it slowly change into a rippling sensation of sweet agony.
She wanted the pain. The realization came in a flash.
All through it, she could feel the stranger's eyes on her. It was horrible. To be watched, to know that some strange lecher was greedily devouring every moan, every whimper, every gasp. Every obscene and grotesque move her body made.
It seemed to go on forever. She felt pleasure but also deep humiliation. She prayed for it to end, prayed for the little explosive release that would free her.
The wave of passion rose, rose, engulfed them. Their bodies began to move in rhythm. Faster, faster...
At last it ended. Jimmie's weight lifted.
Somewhere she heard a sound.
She turned her head and saw the face of the man from Chicago. It was pale, chalky, with the jaws clenched in a rigid, masklike way. He looked insane.
Jimmie was looking toward him too. "Didn't I tell you she was good?" he asked anxiously. He obviously wanted to please his perverted friend.
"She was okay. But not wild enough. I will make her wild." He got up and came toward her, a menacing gleam in his eye.
Laurie ground her teeth together, preparing herself for another onslaught. Another disgusting session of lust. But he didn't seem to have sex in mind. Laurie looked up at him, puzzled and relieved. He caught her by the shoulder and raised her to a standing position. Under the scrutiny of his gaze, she felt deeply ashamed of her nakedness. He stared at her hard, without uttering a word.
Then, without warning, his hand shot out and slapped her. Once. Twice. Three times. His hand lashed sharply across her breasts. They were already sensitive after Jimmie's hard lovemaking and the slaps sent stinging jolts of agony through her.
She was stunned. She stared in horror straight into his steely, bloodshot eyes. She cringed, expecting another sharp whiplash of his wrist. He pushed her back down on the couch and began to slap her repeatedly--on her thighs, the soft skin of her buttocks, her breasts, everywhere!
Jimmie jumped up. He obviously hadn't expected this. Through the stinging pain, she heard him yelling, "That's enough, Marty! Cut it out--" But the lean, hungry stranger ignored him. Maybe didn't even hear him. He was going at her raw, tender flesh with a fearful vengeance locked into the expression of his face. He was working up a frenzy, Laurie realized.
She was scared to death. She couldn't defend herself. The slaps came too rapidly. She huddled into the corner of the couch, trying to shield her body from his blows, but still they came, inflaming her skin, filling her with pain.
Then, for a wonderful moment, it stopped--but was almost instantly replaced by a sharp lash across her hips, as if from the lash of a whip!
Laurie bit into a pillow to keep from screaming. And then it came again. Slashing into the tender flesh of her buttocks a second time.
"Hey, Marty! Not with the belt! Are you crazy? You don't want to leave her marked up, do you? Then we'll all be cooked!"
That was all he was worried about. Laurie thought sickly. Not about how he might hurt her. but about how he might lose a good thing. She heard them struggling and turned. She saw Jimmie holding the man back by his arms, forcing him to drop the belt from his hand. The man's face was flushed and sweaty, and he was panting like a crazed animal, as though he had just been making love.
He backed away and Laurie saw that he was trembling all over, shaking his head. "No, no! I'm not finished!" he cried. He was desperate to get back at her. She could see it in his eyes. The hunger to rip away at her flesh; feel the thrill of an unnatural lust as she cried out for him to stop!
"That's enough, Marty! Let's go!" Jimmie was still restraining him.
Then with on tremendous swing, Jimmie went hurtling back. The stranger called Marty lunged at Laurie. She tried to protect herself but he was too quick. He got her hands behind her back and pushed her face down into the couch. With one hand he held her while the other swooped down and sent a myriad of stinging pain through her body. It rocked her senses and she knew the blows were still descending, but she didn't feel them. She could feel herself losing consciousness...
It stopped.
The pressure holding her down was gone. She opened her eyes, afraid to move, afraid the belt would come thrashing down on her again.
"I'm satisfied," she heard him say to Jimmie. "Now we can go."
Laurie didn't move until she heard them quietly leave. She remained huddled on the couch, the pain of the fiery whiplashes still tormenting her. The door clicked and she knew they were gone. She gathered enough strength to make it to the door and lock it. Then, limping, she went up to her room and looked at herself in the full-length mirror.
There were lines of red splashed haphazardly across her body where the belt had dug into her flesh. The skin of her breasts, stomach, and thighs was rosy from the slaps. She turned and saw the thick welts crisscrossing her buttocks. They were raised and ugly and burned unbearably.
Laurie began to weep as she examined herself, then burst into a torrent of hysterical tears. She threw herself down on the bed and tried to cry out the pain. The physical pain. But there was a deeper pain. The inner pain of utter humiliation.
She had reached the gutter now. In his travels, Jimmie had met some pervert out looking for his particular kind of kicks. So he'd directed him to a girl who'd put up with his jaded lusts.
Laurie Wilson.
She was the girl to see. Because she couldn't say no. Not even to a complete stranger. Not even to the threat of a whip.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
She had to get out.
Any place. She couldn't stay in the house another minute. Her parents would be home any time now. And she couldn't face them. Not tonight. The thought of watching them sit and talk in the same room where it all happened, on the couch where only a short while ago she made love to Jimmie and gave herself up to the distorted, twisted lusts of a complete stranger, a pervert, was too much for her to bear.
She had to go somewhere. But where? She was afraid to be alone with herself. If there were only someone she could call up, someone she could talk to, confide in. But she had no real friends. There wasn't a person in the world she could go to. She was utterly alone, cut off by her sins from all humanity. There were people she smiled at in the streets, but no one could bear a revelation of what she really was. They would recoil in disgust. Then she thought of Dottie!
Dottie had more than once invited her up to her place. And it wasn't as though she had any illusions that Laurie was a goodie-goodie. She saw the stream of boys every day at the diner and put two and two together. Yes, if there was anyone she could talk to it had to be Dottie. Besides, hers was the only place she could run to. It was too late to get a bus out of Newbury and she couldn't simply walk the streets.
She ran to the phone and thumbed shakily through the directory. She found the number and called. "Hello?"
Thank goodness she was home, Laurie thought and said, "This is Laurie Wilson. Could I come over and see you? I mean are you busy?"
"What's wrong, Honey?" Dottie asked.
"I can't talk now. I've just got to get away for a while and you're the only person--"
"Take it easy, Laurie," Dottie cut her off. "Come on over whenever you like. I'll be home all evening."
"Thanks, Dottie," she said and hung up.
She pulled a loose-fitting dress from the closet, so that the fabric wouldn't rub against and irritate the stinging welts on her body, and slipped into it. She looked at herself in the mirror again. Suddenly she had a picture of herself ten years from now.
She would be only in her late twenties. But she would look at least forty. She'd be living in some big city, because in a big city you can lose your identity, it would be easier to live with yourself. There'd be a room in some cheap, sleazy hotel on a slum street.
The picture was all too clear. She was caught in a chute and the only way was down. In ten years, maybe sooner, her hair would be stringy, her eyes hollow, her shoulders rounded, her breasts sagging.
There would be no John around to save her.
Drink and sex would be her consolations. And who knew what other evils?
Laurie frowned at her reflection. She was torn with shame and self-disgust. Her flesh crawled with the imprint of filthy hands and her mouth had a bitter taste. She turned away and went to the dresser where the money was neatly stacked away and pulled it out. She slipped it into her purse and hurried downstairs.
In the kitchen she grabbed the note pad her mother always used for shopping lists and quickly scribbled a hasty note.
Mom, Don't wait up for me. I'm going to spend the night at a girl friend's. Dottie's. Don't worry. Please.
Love, Laurie.
She placed the note on the table and read it over. She knew her mother would worry anyway. Taking a look around the neat little kitchen, with every pot and pan just where it belonged, with the flowers on the window sill, all lined up to catch the sun, Laurie felt a lump rise in her throat. Her eyes filled with tears.
It had been a good home, a good life. Why did she have to be such a vile creature, so unworthy of all this?
Laurie left the house and headed toward the north part of town. Dottie lived about ten minutes away from her house in a small apartment she rented from Mr. and Mrs. Wingate. They were an old couple and probably enjoyed having someone young around the place. Why Dottie was still single was a puzzle, though. Young, pretty, all the things any man in Newbury would be proud to possess.
Laurie walked swiftly. She wanted to leave everything behind, but she couldn't stop remembering. Her body still ached miserably, but she welcomed the pain. She even wanted it. She tried to latch onto it, concentrate on it as she walked, use it to blot out the foul pictures of herself with Jimmie and the man from Chicago.
When she finally reached Dottie's house and rang the upstairs bell to her apartment, the sudden urge to turn and run took hold of her. What right had she to burden someone else with the facts of her miserable existence? But the door opened and Dottie's smiling face ushered her in.
"You look terrible," Dottie gasped. She took Laurie by the shoulders and led her inside. "Let me get you some coffee. Would you like a bite of something?"
Laurie was trembling. The sudden sensation of having someone attend to her, someone who would sit down and listen to her sordid tale, someone with whom she could stop pretending, was like exploding a dam inside her. She felt she was going to burst into tears. "Have you got any scotch around?" she asked, her voice breaking .
"If that's what you want, Honey," Dottie went to a small cabinet in the kitchen and returned with the bottle and two glasses. She watched Laurie drink it down greedily, then said, "Now sit down and tell me all about it."
"It's a pretty sordid story," Laurie said timidly. But she knew she had to tell it to someone or her insides would go rotten.
"I've probably heard worse. Now go ahead."
Laurie looked around the small, neatly furnished room, trying to think of where to begin. She absently noted the sparse furnishings, the lack of decor. Dottie filled her glass again and she finally began.
She poured out the whole sordid tale right up to the scene with the stranger Jimmie had brought, while Dottie kept pouring the liquor and listening quietly, occasionally nodding or patting her thigh sympathetically. It was just what Laurie needed. She confessed all her sins and Dottie comforted her and treated her like a poor, misled child.
She was someone who could understand and not judge, Laurie thought.
The liquor was lying heavy in her stomach and her tongue seemed to be getting thicker as she talked on. Dottie was making her feel as relaxed as a puppy snuggled in his master's bed on a cold night. There wasn't any pretentiousness in her easy manner and Laurie had the weird sensation that they'd been pals since childhood. Even through her dimmed consciousness, because the alcohol was having its effect, Laurie realized this and she felt a sense of relief talking to Dottie.
Laurie leaned back against the sofa when she was through and sighed heavily.
"Feeling better?" Dottie asked.
Her head was woozy and she didn't quite feel her body touching the sofa beneath her, but she replied, "Much." Then she directed a look of thanks toward Dottie.
"Okay," Dottie said matter of factly, "let's take that dress off and see those marks you spoke of. I'll put some cream on them to take the sting out."
She was like a big sister, Laurie thought gratefully, and she needed someone to take care of her now. Dottie was treating her like a little girl and Laurie liked the feeling. The feeling of chalking up all her sins to simple childhood naughtiness. Deep down, past her liquor-soaked consciousness, she knew it was just a temporary escape. But it was an escape, no matter how flimsy or short-lived.
Laurie got up, a little wobbly on her feet, and unzipped her dress and stepped out of it. She followed Dottie into the bedroom and lay down as she was told. She closed her eyes and waited obediently for Dottie to begin her ministrations on her feverish flesh where the belt had left its imprints. The liquor had already eased the stinging considerably and there was only a dull ache left. But she was enjoying the role of the little girl who needed to be taken care of.
Laurie felt like the bed was floating beneath her and then she was floating with it. In soft waves her consciousness seemed to be drifting and drifting. Her body, exhausted and spent, seemed to find a pleasant plateau of forgetful-ness...
Laurie was riding on a cushion of sensation. Incredibly soft, feather-like fingers were dancing about her tingling breasts. Her whole body felt like a huge balloon that was swelling and swelling with ecstatic feeling. She was drifting with the warm breeze that teased and tickled her sensitive skin and she wanted to scream out with delight. But her voice seemed far from her body and she couldn't find it. It rose and fell with the tide of sensation that completely encompassed her being. The tips of her breasts came thrillingly alive. They tensed and swelled, reaching out for the invisible touch that had brought them to trembling awareness. Soft butterflies fluttered about in her tummy, teasing the flesh to almost painful excitement. She sank willingly into the vaporous cloud that carried her further and further away. A warm moistness captured an erect nipple and worked its delicate peak into the beginnings of a galvanic storm that made her whole being rock with maddening need and hunger.
Violent emotion erupted and she gave way to a carnal rhythm that pulsated through her body.
Her senses were about to burst, when she suddenly began to descend. The hands and lips that had been ministering to her fevered flesh subsided and departed. She twisted and turned in an effort to find the object that could give her straining body its needed release. A soft moan escaped her lips, then her clenched fist hit down on something solid.
It broke the spell. The dream. She wasn't floating. Her body still tingled, but it no longer drifted in the warm stream of air. Her breasts felt cold and her head a dead weight. She tried to open her heavy lids.
Her lashes fluttered. Her eyes opened then focused.
Leering, icy eyes paralyzed her.
She blinked to discharge the unwanted image.
But it remained unmoving.
The sight of Dottie's face and what she saw written on it triggered an explosion in Laurie's brain. A wave of utter revulsion swept through her, and for a frightening second Laurie felt her consciousness take a wild dip and plunge into blackness. A shuddering horror convulsed through her body as realization set in.
Even Dottie had been lusting after her body! All those times when she pretended at friendliness.
"I'm not going to hurt you, darling," Dottie crooned.
The sound of her voice made Laurie sick. Nausea loomed up from within.
She looked down at her naked breasts, rising like twin spikes from her chest. Evidence of the state her body was in. She didn't want to believe what she saw, what she felt. What she knew Dottie had been doing to her body. The thought of another woman touching her in all those places, her lips on her body...
She shuddered. She had read about women like that in books and magazines and it had always disgusted her.
"You look surprised," Dottie said huskily. "Do I surprise you?"
Dottie's face was brightly triumphant, her eyes black pools of naked lust. She was nothing like the Dottie everyone saw at the diner. She took Laurie's breasts in each of her slender hands. "Relax. You look like a frightened child. And you're trembling." She bent and kissed one of Laurie's breast's, delicately, moistly. "There! You see? I'm not going to hurt you."
Laurie stared in horror and disbelief. She was frozen. Only her eyes darted about nervously, looking for an escape. "No... " she finally managed. She wanted to say more but it wouldn't come.
"Yes," Dottie corrected. "Just do as I say."
"But... "
Dottie's lips silenced her confused revulsion. Laurie's body stiffened in instant response. Her breasts in Dottie's hands felt pained and swollen. A little sound escaped her lips and she hated herself for giving away her secret--that her flesh yearned to be touched.
She was still the helpless puppet; her body responding when the right strings were pulled She could be manipulated according to anyone's whim.
"Easy," Dottie said, seeing her victim's confusion.
"Dottie, I don't want this," Laurie finally managed. "Please stop," she moaned.
Dottie's laugh was suddenly shrill and filled the room.
"I've heard so many stories about what an insatiable little minx you are--so no more games. All right?"
Then there were no more words.
She felt Dottie attack her fiercely. Her hands were everywhere at once, tickling, probing, exciting. Dottie watched her, her eyes glazed with passion, her red lips moist and parted, glistening under the light. She was a falcon poised for attack; a nightmarish creature of wild fantasy come to life.
How much could her body take in one day?
Laurie shivered uncontrollably at the series of frightening images that raced across her mind, and at the unwanted series of thrills that the woman's touch let loose. A sickening ball of revulsion mixed with fascination formed in the pit of her stomach, growing, spreading through her body. Laurie desperately pushed herself further into the soft mattress, cringing from the onslaught of Dottie's caresses, trying to escape their electrifying impact on her flesh.
Too far, she thought. She's going too far.
And then as if Dottie had red her mind, she smiled. Her damp lips moved in to capture her mouth. Her hands glided over her shoulders possessively. She pushed her tongue insistently between Laurie's tightly closed lips, then through the barrier of clenched teeth. Her lips felt sickeningly sticky and sweet, her breast pressed into Laurie's creating a whole new world of sensation.
Laurie pulled away from her lips. For a long moment the two women glared into each other's eyes, each refusing to relent. Then, without averting her eyes, Dottie closed her thumb and forefinger over a stiffened nipple and brutally twisted.
"Ow!" Laurie screeched under the sudden pain. Her eyes turned into two hurt question marks, tears flooding to the surface.
Dottie laughed. "Sorry, darling." She stroked the bruised area soothingly. "I had to do something to bring you to life." Her head swooped down to Laurie's smarting breast Her tongue flicked at its tip transforming pain to ecstasy.
Laurie wriggled.
Dottie looked up knowingly. "Better?" Her hands stroked the sleek firmness, traveling higher and higher.
Laurie tensed. Her resistance ebbed. The feathery fingers on her thighs, the clutching hand on her stomach. She fought to contain the welling flood of ecstasy--ecstasy and self-revulsion. She sucked in her breath with an audible hissing sound and threw her head to one side, her cheek pressing into the sheet.
"Well," Dottie breathed triumphantly. "At last!"
Laurie felt a hot damp face bury itself in her throat, then begin its journey downward toward the apex of her desire. Tears streaked her face and she whimpered helplessly like a small child caught in a cauldron of conflicting emotions. Disgust, self-pity, passion, hate--all mingled to become one overwhelming fire. It burned through her pulsating body, lifting it, then suddenly, wonderfully, brutally, consuming it.
Laurie's eyes and hands clenched, her trembling body a huddled mass of spent passion. She had lost the battle against her hungering flesh and loathed herself.
A convulsive sob tore at her throat.
"Darling, you were exquisite."
The feminine voice turned Laurie's stomach sour. Her insides flipped and a wave of nausea rose to her throat. She held her breath, trying to push it down, but not really caring any more. A damp palm spread over the small of her back, applied pressure, made her skin crawl. Tears stung her eyes.
"Such a lovely back. Turn around, honey, so that I can look at the rest of you."
The sickly sweet words sent a shivering panic bolting through her. She shot up and off the bed, her breasts bobbing, her hear thundering.
"Let... me... go!" She struggled. Instead of being high-pitched, her voice was hoarse and cloaked with fear. Her eyes darted out quickly like a trapped animal.
She dashed from the bedroom to where her dress was draped over a chair. Laurie slipped wordlessly into her dress. The sight of the naked woman in the next room sent shivers of revulsion and humiliation up her spine. She had really reached the bottom of the cesspool now. She was the pervert, now. Her body was a disgusting thing and didn't deserve to go on living.
She heard the woman's voice behind her. "Look, don't run out of here like a defiled innocent," she spat. "You've been around. You knew the score when you came here to see me."
Laurie paused with her hand on the door. Perhaps it was true. Perhaps she had guessed long ago about Dottie. Perhaps she had coming looking for exactly what she got.
Laurie ran out, blinded by tears. She was already in hell--now where did she go? She ran along the street, in the evening heat, the scotch pounding at her head and burning her stomach. She felt sweaty and nauseous and chilled all at the same time.
She began to shiver. Memory after memory came spinning up from the cesspool of her mind, accusing her, mocking her. Her head was spinning. She could hardly think straight any more. She knew only that she was loathsome, that she was evil, that she didn't deserve to live.
She didn't know what direction she was headed. She didn't care. Her throat was dry and parched. She knew she was weaving unsteadily, because the ground kept swelling up before her. She prayed a car would come zooming down the street and end it all--in the gutter where she belonged.
She saw some lights ahead and thought of John and then the ground came up at her and she felt herself falling and falling and never reaching bottom...
CHAPTER TWELVE
Laurie woke with the familiar bright sun streaming through her window. But she wasn't in her room. It was a strange room; neat and antiseptic looking. A hospital room. She had the taste of cotton balls in her mouth and her body ached terribly.
She blinked her eyes open and saw a man in a white uniform standing over her.
"Good morning, Miss Wilson."
It was a hospital. "How long have I been here?" she asked weakly.
"Just the night," he said. "You've got some pretty bad bruises on your body, but other than that you're fine."
Laurie remembered and turned her head in shame, wondering what he must think of her. "Will I be here long?"
"No. A couple of days at the most. Mainly for the rest. Your parents are outside now."
"I don't want to see them," she whispered. "Not just yet."
"They've been frantic, Miss Wilson. I think it would be kinder if you saw them now."
"Okay." She didn't think of what she'd tell them. She couldn't.
The doctor disappeared. A few moments later her mother entered, then her father. They looked older, their faces drawn with deep lines. She heard the doctor say, "She's still a little woozy from the sedation."
He mother threw her arms around her, then her father. "Baby, we've been so worried about you," her mother cried. There were tears of happiness and sadness running down her wrinkled cheeks. Even her father's eyes were glistening a little.
"Mom," she said. "I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry." It was all she could say.
"No, no, Laurie. Don't be sorry. As long as we have you safe and sound now, that's all that matters. What's past is past. If you only knew how worried we've all been. Why if it weren't for John--"
"John?"
"Yes, but you must be wanting to see him."
Laurie looked at them dumbfounded, then horrified. "You don't understand!" she cried.
"More than you imagine, Laurie," her father said and took her hand in his. He kissed her on the forehead and said, "Come home soon." And then he led her mother out.
The door shut quietly behind them. Laurie stared at it dumbly Did they say John? Was he here? He must know everything about me.
Then the door opened and Laurie gasped.
"Laurie."
She looked at John with confused and scared eyes. Tears of shame and relief and gratitude flooded down her cheeks. He looked so different, stronger and a little sterner. Their eyes met--painfully and searchingly.
"John, I must tell you something... what happened... "
"Why you didn't answer any of my calls? I know why. That's what I'm here to tell you."
He knows it all, she thought frantically. Desperation raced through her, but through the panic came a spark of joy. But still he's here. He knows and yet he's. here.
"But how did you know I was here?"
"Because I came by to try to see you again last night. I knew something was wrong. When I got to your house your mother couldn't hide her worry. She told me you had gone out for the night--to a friend's--and left only a note. She said it wasn't like you'd been yourself all week." He paused a moment and took her hand. "I was worried, too. You see, ever since our first date I kept receiving anonymous notes. Notes about you."
"John, I-" He put his finger to her lips. "No, let me finish. So we called this Dottie you said you'd be with--your parents and I--and we got only a drunken voice on the other end. She said you'd left long ago. She didn't know where. We waited a while, then were about to call the police. But the phone rang. It was the hospital. You collapsed in the street and were brought into the emergency ward."
Laurie looked painfully into his eyes. She would have given anything for it to be different. She loved him terribly.
"About the notes, John," she whispered, then went on. "They were true. They were all true."
"I know that now, Laurie. I suspected something when you wouldn't see me or talk to me. At first I was hurt and angry, but then I put two and two together. The little messages kept coming and from their tone I guessed why you were staying away from me. To protect me."
Laurie turned her head away. "I'm so ashamed. I didn't want you to know." It was ironical. All the degradation of the past days had been for nothing. He knew. All along, he knew.
"But you see, I don't need to be protected; you do. And that's why I'm here. To take you away from all this... "
"You still don't understand, though. I'm not normal... "' her voice trailed off hopelessly.
"You're as normal as I am. But you need someone to protect you and love you. And I'd like the job."
Laurie could hardly believe her ears. Could the nightmare really be ending? Tears flooded her eyes and she said, "After all I've done--"
"It's past, Laurie. We'll start a whole new life. Together."
Laurie felt her heart pounding ecstatically. Then she remembered and all her hopes dropped again. "But I must tell you what happened yesterday." She saw Dottie's hands all over her and shivered.
"No, Laurie. Don't look back. Only ahead," he said intensely. "Don't persecute yourself any longer."
"But... "
"No buts," he said, and kissed her lips lightly. Suddenly she felt as though it were true. As though her future could be bright and beautiful.
"And no more time to think. Will you marry me? Yes or nor Laurie eyes felt moist. "I don't believe it, John. That you still want me. After everything--" John's eyes were sparkling. His hand tightened on Laurie's. She bit her lip, trying to hold back the tears.
"I want to cry," she said.
"Cry then. But say yes."
Laurie smiled hesitantly.
Well?"
"The answer is yes." Mrs. John Masterson.
It seemed as though her prayers had been finally answered. With a man John around as her husband, she'd get all the loving her body could possibly crave. She wouldn't have to live in constant guilt and shame.
Yes, it certainly seemed as though her dream had come true.
