Our society today is tormented, its members confused and misdirected, stumbling through life not knowing where they are going or why. Among the young, there is a special sense of desperation, as they view events that they are powerless to affect. They feel disenfranchised, cheated by a heritage that bottles up their emotions and inhibits their impulses.
These young people seek escape, and some do not wait until they have become old enough to strike out on their own to build a new life as young adults. The pressure is too intense, and they feel that if they remain with their parents, even with their friends, they will lose their grip on sanity.
And so they run away from home.
Some are only sixteen, and the world is so large, so menacing, that they are forced through fear to enter places that they would normally spurn. They must survive, they must eat, and so they make friends with men and women they normally would avoid knowing.
They are exploited and abused, and they suffer intense pain because they are afraid to return home, afraid that it will mean a kind of spiritual death if they return to their parents.
Away from home, they can indulge their impulses, enjoy pleasures that had been forbidden when they lived with their parents. Sex is one such pleasure, and I have found in treating many young patients that promiscuous sexual activity is the greatest means by which a runaway can assert his independence.
"At home, I had to hide in the bathroom and masturbate if I wanted to get my rocks off," one seventeen-year-old male patient told me. "But when I ran away, I found girls, and I felt that at last I had come alive."
Much has been written about the puritanical attitudes this society harbors, and the stories that some of the runaways tell point out the unhealthy pressures such attitudes exert on young people.
I have transcribed and edited nine tapes on which were recorded sessions with runaways who found their way to me for professional treatment. I have interjected my comments in the form of notes, but I have not expounded a certain viewpoint or lectured at length. The emphasis in this book is on the patient's words, his feeling and attitudes.
The last names of all patients are noted only by an initial-not necessarily their own-so that their right to privacy can be ensured.
I hope that these case histories shed some light on a problem that plagues this society-the alienation and subsequent rebellion of the young.
The problem is acute, as the patients' stories indicate.
CHAPTER ONE
PATIENT: Donald R., seventeen.
REMARKS: A handsome boy with striking features, Don was at first reluctant to articulate his feelings. After some prodding, however, he managed to make a start, and then the words seemed to gush out. The transcript of his second session with me follows.
DONALD: I hate to talk about my problems because they seem so trivial, really.. I mean, I'm the original poor little rich boy. My old man is loaded, up to his ears in money, sweet green money. We live in a goddamn palace, and I've never lacked anything material in my whole life. Not that I've been happy. If I had been happy, I wouldn't have run away from home. My parents never really gave a damn whether I lived or died. They claimed to love me, but they didn't show it. And so one night about a month ago, I found myself hitchhiking into New York City. I had had an argument with my father about something, I forget what. It wasn't very important, but it was the end for me. I didn't want any part of them any more. I didn't care what happened to me. I just wanted to go!
[Note: Don's relationship with his parents is obviously confused. He loves them, but he does not feel loved in return. When the pressure becomes too great, he leaves, hoping that he will find some degree of happiness away from home. Actually, he is attempting to punish his parents, to make them realize how unhappy he is and feel ashamed of the way they have treated him. And yet, he is not altogether sure this will be their reaction. In the back of his mind, he is afraid that his departure will be welcome. As a result, he harbors ill feelings about himself and his future. "I didn't care what happened to me," he says. I just wanted to go!" Such self-destructive thoughts indicate that he has taken on the role of his parents in condemning himself.]
When I hit the city, I climbed onto a train and went down to the East Village. I wandered around for a while, then went into this small cafe. It was a groovy place, lights flashing and a lot of beautiful people. I sat in this booth drinking espresso, when this guy lurches by, staggers, then flops into the seat opposite me. His hair was real long, longer than mine. He brushed it off his shoulders and gave me this stoned look.
"Hello, brother!" he said. "How is your breathing? Regular and effortless, I hope."
"Yeah," I said. "Sure."
"Talkative, ain'tcha?"
I didn't know what to say to him. He looked high in the sky, and I was afraid to trust him, to make friends with him. But at that time I needed a friend, any kind of a friend.
"I just got into the city," I said. "I'm looking for a place to sleep. Know of one?"
He laughed and sat back, his eyes flashing.
"Hell, yes!" he said. "I know a whole bunch of places. Depends on what you want, though. Wouldn't want you to crash in the wrong pad and wake up dissatisfied the next day. So you gotta tell me what you want, what kind of place. Too bad I don't have a copy of my latest book, The East Village on Five Cents a Day."
I laughed, and we talked a little more. He called himself Wolf and said he was from the Midwest. I told him my story, and he sympathized, cursing out my parents and everybody's parents, including his own. Then we left. He took me to an apartment building about five blocks away, and when we reached the top flight, I was so nervous, my stomach was jumping all over the place. The joint was dark as a dungeon, and I was suddenly very scared. I wasn't sure what was going to happen, and I wasn't used to that feeling.
"Lily!" Wolf shouted, pounding on the door. "Open up, goddammit!"
When the door opened, this fantastic chick peered out at us, then let us in. It was a small apartment, decorated with posters and photographs. The floor of one room was covered with cheap mattresses. I could see a couple screwing as I passed by. My eyes nearly fell out of my head, and my dick jumped. This was what I was looking for!
"Who's this?" the chick said, turning to look at me.
"An old friend of mine," Wolf said. "Treat him good, Lily. I like him."
The chick just smiled at me, and Wolf sat down in a rickety chair. There were three other couples lounging around in the room. I could smell incense mixing with the fumes of burning marijuana.
"Come sit down over here," Lilly said. "With me...."
I eased into this dilapidated sofa, and she snuggled close. I couldn't believe what was happening. I didn't dream I find anything as good as this. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. I mean, that's why I went to the Village. I had heard that the people were very friendly, that anything went. Lily took a drag on a joint someone handed her, then passed it to me.
"Finish it up," she said. "Get high."
I sucked hard, and the smoke bit my lungs. A couple minutes later, I was stoned. It was good grass, better than anything I had ever smoked. I felt sexy as hell, and I didn't have to look far for a playmate.
"You're cute," Lily giggled, crossing her legs so that whatever she was wearing damn near slid up to her neck.
Man, she had gorgeous legs, thick and smooth. I wanted to get down on the floor and pry them apart so I could bury my face in her pussy. I could see the dark hairs of her cunt in the dim light.
"You don't have anywheres to stay?" she asked me in this sing-song voice.
"Nope," I said, and reached for her.
She eased into my arms, and I kissed her hard. I opened my mouth, and her tongue slid against mine. Damned if she wasn't hot as hell. We sucked at each other's tongues like a couple of maniacs, and she crawled into my lap, moving that lovely ass of hers over my dick. I was stiff as a board and ready to go. I was no virgin, and I knew what I wanted.
"You stay here tonight," she gasped. "You won't mind, will you?"
"Not much!"
I kissed her again, and she opened her legs. I shoved my hand between her thighs, wriggling my fingers against her cunt. She was steaming hot and wet. I could smell that pussy as if it were right under my nose. It smelled good, strong and acrid. We kept on Frenching, working our mouths together while I slipped a finger into her snatch.
"Oooooooooh," she moaned. "Ooooooh, that's nice...."
I finger fucked her until she was groaning like a bitch in heat. I could feel her orgasm building, and I decided I'd let her go off once before we got down to serious business.
"Yesssss," she hissed. "Make me come! Make me do it!"
"Then come!" I said. "Come, baby! Come!"
She yelped like she was in pain, her pussy jerking over my finger as I worked it into her. I had pulled her dress down and had my face in her tits. She had a beautiful pair of tits. They were big, but they didn't sag. They jutted out, the nipples thick and leathery. I sucked one into my mouth and ran my tongue over it while she went out of her mind.
"Yessss, yessssss, yesssss!" she screamed, and I wondered whether the rest of the group was watching us. We were putting on a show.
When she was finished coming, she got to her feet and grabbed my hand.
"Come on, lover," she said. "We got work to do. I'm gonna work you all night and all day. You're never gonna get outta here, honey...."
I glanced around the room. Only one couple was left. The girl was on the floor, the guy's dick deep in her mouth. He opened his eyes and looked at me, smiling.
"Yeahhhh, baby," he murmured. "Yeahhh...."
I wasn't sure who he was talking to, me or the chick sucking his prick. It excited me, seeing them. His dick was huge, maybe nine or ten inches, and she held it in both hands while she sucked the tip of it. He slid deeper into his chair and pushed it into her mouth. I thought she'd gag, trying to take him, but she managed to get half of him between her lips before she coughed. He let up, and she moved her mouth over him, her head bobbing as she sucked him. He gripped the arms of the chair and let his head loll back.
"Suck it, baby," he moaned. "Ohhhh, suck it!"
I stood transfixed, as if I were watching something that was taking place in a dream. Lily tugged my arm, but I pulled her back. I wanted to see this cat shoot off in the chick's mouth. Suddenly, I was very happy, happier than I had ever been. I was living, really enjoying life, and I felt as though life were flowing into me, filling me.
[Note: The intensity of sex causes Don's exhilaration. Free from the inhibiting environment of his parents, he indulges his impulses and believes that he is tasting life at its fullest. Drugs plus sex equal life in his equation, and he wants to immerse himself in both. They will allow him to forget that life is comprised of more than marijuana and girls.] "Oh, baby!" the guy yelped. "Oh, baby, baby, baby!"
The chick was sucking him with a vengeance, her mouth twisting and turning. And then he came. He bucked his hips, and his dick disappeared into her mouth. It must've gone right down her throat, and she took him. His body shuddered as he shot it into her, and he gritted his teeth, his face contorted in a grimace. The girl pulled off him, and I could see his come dripping from the tip of his cock. He glared at her, and she got back on him, laving his dick with her tongue.
"You gonna stand here and watch all night?" Lily asked. "It's a good show, but I can give you a better one."
I followed her into the bedroom, and we stepped over bodies strewn on the mattresses until we found a comfortable spot.
"Lie back," she said. "I'll take your clothes off."
I did as told, and she pulled my pants off. My shorts bulged with dick, and she stared at it, smiling. I wanted to stuff my prick into her mouth, but I figured she had that in mind and I didn't want to rush her. I'd let her have her fun, let her play it her way.
"Ummmmmm, you look yummy!" she said.
I grinned, and she rolled my shorts down my hips and off. My dick sprang up in her face like a wooden soldier. Man, I was ready! We were near the window, and the moonlight gave a beautiful glow to everything. Her skin was soft and smooth looking, and as she flung her dress aside, I reached for her.
"No, no," she teased. "I want to do something for you first. What that girl in the other room was doing for her man...."
"Go ahead," I said. "Yeah, go ahead...."
I hadn't had any pot for a long time, and that half joint had really turned me on. I was high as a kite, and I almost flipped when she pulled out two more reefers and gave me one.
"Smoke it," she said. "You'll be in another world. And then we'll take off together...."
I never smoked a joint so fast in my life. When I was finished, the world was rosy and bright, and I lay there while sweet Lily crawled up my legs to kiss my dick. Man, that was the first time I'd ever felt a mouth on me, and I was in heaven. She played me nice, too. She could , really suck cock. Her lips would close over the head of my dick, and she'd move her mouth down on it, taking more and more of it between those soft lips. Her tongue slid along the underside of my prick, teasing me until I thought I was gonna explode. I go about seven inches, and I'll be damned if that chick didn't take every inch. I was writhing and twisting like I was losing my mind. I mean, I wanted to come, but just when I thought I was gonna let fly, she'd let up. I began to think she didn't want me to come.
"Take it," I said. "Take it, dammit! Suck it off!"
I heard her laugh softly, and then I knew that she was gonna give me what I wanted. She slid her hand beneath my ass and worked a finger into my asshole. Man, that really did it! I lifted my hips and powered my dick into her mouth like I was fucking it into her pussy. I guess that's what I was doing, fucking my cock into her mouth. It tickled me to think of it like that, and I worked it between her lips, my body feeling as if it would split in two if I didn't get my rocks off.
"Now, baby," I moaned. "Now! Now Nowwwwwwwww...."
The blonde bitch sucked me dry. I mean, she took every drop. I felt like I had catapulted into another world. I thought I'd never stop coming. I gripped the edges of the mattress and rocked thought the greatest orgasm of my life, up to that point, of course.
"You like?" she said when she came up for air, licking her lips like she'd just had some candy.
"Just fine, love. Just dandy."
"Now you do me," she said.
She lay back and spread her legs, and I stared at that lovely snatch. It looked so juicy, I just moved down there and stuck my face in it. That was a first too. I had never eaten pussy. Like I said, I was no virgin. But I wasn't very experienced, either. I had made it a couple of times with this chick around the corner, but that was it. Not that I didn't want to eat pussy before. I just knew that she wouldn't go for it. Hell, I practically had to break her arm to get a screw from her. Eating pussy was out of the question.
"Right there, right there!" Lilly gasped. "Take the clit! Suck my clitoris, honey! Ooooooh, that's right. You've got it just right now. Don't stop, please....
I didn't know about the clitoris, but I knew that she dug whatever it was that I was sucking. When I moved off it to stick my tongue into her vagina, she moaned like I'd just robbed her. But I liked the taste of her come. I worked my tongue inside her cunt, and the come was sweet and hot. Man, I felt like climbing inside that pussy! It was so warm delicious! How's that for a little back-to-womb action! Hah!
"My clit! " she shrieked finally. "Suck my clit, please/"
She maneuvered her cunt so that my mouth was right on her clitoris again. Her clit was stubby and hard, and I flicked my tongue against it until her body began to jerk and shudder.
"Ooooooooohhh," she moaned. "Oooooohhhh, noooooo...."
I realized that she was coming, and I really went to work on her. I ate that pussy like it was dinner.
"Stop!" she yelled after she had gone over the edge for about the third time. "No more! I can't stand it!...."
She pushed me back and moved on top of me. Man, I can't tell how good she looked, those big tits swinging while she rode my prick until I thought she was gonna faint. Her hair swirled about her face, and I knew that if I kept looking at her, I was gonna make it a very short fuck. So I turned my face away from her bucked my dick into her pussy. She felt as if she was on fire. I mean that snatch of hers was like an oven. And she was grunting and wheezing like she was dying.
"Oooooh, that feels so goooooood! " she said. "Ummmmm, you've got such a pretty dick. So nice and fat. I love to feel you in me. I feels like you're gonna split me right in two. Ohhhh, honey, yeahhh...."
I dug the way she talked. It turned me on even more.
"Fuck me, baby! " I rasped. "Fuck me! Do it good! Work that pussy! Work it! "
I grabbed her tits and hung on for dear life. She sank onto my dick, taking it wholly into her cunt. Then she eased up, sucking at it with the lips of her pussy. She quickened the movement, and I went off like a cannon. She jerked around on top of it, her cunt sucking the come out of me. I mean I was really coming, too. I hurt, the way she seemed to be tearing the stuff out of me. I never imagined I could dig sex so much. I guess that's what I wanted when I left home, some good pussy. None of that stick-it-in-and-come shit. I wanted a good fuck, a real ride for my money. And sweet Lily gave it to me.
"That was fantastic," I said to her when we finished. "I never had it so good...."
"You ain't seen nothin' yet," she giggled, and the next thing I knew, there was another chick down there sucking me off.
I could hardly believe what was happening. No chick had ever done that to me before that night. And now, this nameless girl was pulling at my cock with her lips, trying to get it hard. Two chicks in one night, and each of them hungry for my dick! It was like in a dream. I remember I had always wanted Jean to suck me off. Jean was the girl I screwed a couple of times back home. Like I said, I wanted her to suck it for me. But when I mentioned it to her, sort of casually, she said it was disgusting. She said that decent girls didn't do that sort of thing. How she managed to get up the guts to fuck with me, I'll never know.
Lord, but she was a dull cunt. Don't know why I ever bothered with her. Well, I do, really. I was so horny, I settled for her. But if I'd known Lily then, I'd never have messed with Jean. Those uptight, frigid bitches can go to hell for all I care.
"Just lay back and enjoy," Lily murmured. "Angie wants to give you pleasure . ... "
Angie obviously was the chick who was giving my dick the once-over with her ruby-red lips, and that was fine with me, just fine. The room was filled with people now, and I could hear them moaning. I was in the middle of a full-fledged orgy! Fantastic!
"Ummmmmmm," I heard Angie groan. "It tastes so gooood. Nice, lovely prick...."
Lily laughed at her, her eyes flashing. Then she kissed me, and I thought I was gonna come right in Angie's mouth, which would have been fine with her but not with me. I wanted to make this one last. I wasn't as horny as I'd been a few minutes earlier, naturally, and I wanted to get as much out of it as I could. I wanted those two bitches to suck my cock until it dropped off, and I knew that by the time that happened, I'd be too old to care about it.
"Give it to her, love," Lily said. "She wants it. She loves cock. And come. She likes to let it slide down her throat, to feel the heat of it. She's really freaked out...."
I obliged. I let fly, and Angie damn near tore my prick off. She sucked it hard, and I pumped it into her mouth, trying to dig it as much as I could. Meanwhile, Lily mashed her mouth against mine, driving her tongue between my lips so that I thought my mind was gonna break. I don't remember anything after that. I must've conked out. I was dead tired, and when I woke up, the joint was empty. Except for this one chick. She was black, and she was beautiful. Really beautiful. She was stretched out on a mattress, her body nude and a sight to make a man's blood boil. I shook her, and she moaned. I tried to wake her, but she seemed to deep in sleep. Finally, I shook her hard, and she came out of it.
"What is it?" she mumbled. "What's happening? Where am I?"
"I don't know, baby. But we're the only ones here."
She sat up and rubbed her eyes. She was real cute.
"Oh, now I remember," she said. "Christ, lemme out of this fuckin' place. I gotta get home."
"Where do you live?" I asked.
"Aroun' the corner. Who are you, anyway?"
"I ain't sure. All I know is that I came to this party last night after I met some guy named Wolf, and he-"
"Wolf? Yeah, I dig it now. Where you stayin'?"
"No place."
"All right. Come along with me...."
I did. We went to her apartment. It was beautiful. The building was a tenement, just like all of the buildings in that area. But she'd done a fantastic job fixing it up. It looked like the work of a professional. I asked her what she did for a living. I thought she might be studying interior decorating or something.
"I deal," she said.
"You what?"
"I deal in drugs."
"Kind of dangerous, ain't it?"
"Not if you know what you're doing. And I do." We had something to eat, and then she went out. I watched television for a while, smoking some of the grass she gave me. I had a ball watching all those stupid afternoon television shows. I was high, and they seemed perfect, so inane that they were sublime.
"Been having a good time, I see," the chick said when she got back.
"Yeah. By the way, what's your name? "
"Margie. What's yours?"
"Don."
"Hello, Don. Let's fuck...."
Shit! I had stumbled into paradise. If I had known it would be this good away from home, I would have cut out on Mommy and Daddy a lot sooner than I did. She pulled her dress off, and I stared at her as she unfastened her bra and pushed her panties off. Man, she was stacked! Big, juicy tits and a beautiful pussy.
"You like? " she said, standing over me.
I was lying on the sofa, and when I looked up at her, that snatch was within in tongue's reach. She straddled me, then slipped her hands beneath my head, pulling my mouth toward her.
"Do me a favor," she purred. "Give me a little tongue "
I didn't say anything. I just let her have her way. Her cunt stank, but I didn't mind. It was sopping wet, like she'd been playing with herself while she rode the bus home. I shoved my face into all that hairy blackness, and she moaned like she'd been stabbed.
"Oooooooh, yessss, suck it, honey!" she said.
"Suck it for meeeeee "
I didn't know what I was doing. I'd never had any lessons eating pussy, so I just wallowed around like an animal. She started grunting, and I tasted her come, thick and sweet. And then her fingers were down there, pulling the skin away from her clitoris. I opened my eyes and saw it, the hard red knob of her clit.
"Work on that awhile, honey," she said, "and then I'll work on you."
I took it between my lips and flicked my tongue against it. Bam! Instant climax! God, but that bitch was hot! Never heard of a chick who could get it off as quick as she could.
"Beautiful," she murmured. "Oh, that's so beautiful. You're gonna break my mind, love."
Next thing I knew, her hands were fumbling with my fly. She turned around so that she was facing my feet, and she took my dick out and started playing with it. Her hand slid up and down my cock, and I thought I was gonna come.
"Watch out," I said. "You're gonna jerk me of! "
"That's the idea, honey! " she laughed. "Don't worry. You'll enjoy it."
"Okay, baby. Let it fly "
I continued to drive my tongue into her cunt, stopping to nibble her clit as she pulled hard on my dick. She was really freaking out, twisting and turning so that I had to strain to keep my mouth on her.
"That's it, that's it! " she shrieked. "We're gonna make it! We're gonna make it! "
When I shot off, I thought my brain was gonna go through the ceiling out into the stars. It was so wild, I think I blacked out for a few moments. It was fantastic, straight out of my wettest wet dreams.
"Now we really get down to business," she teased after I had shot it all.
"Just wha'dya mean by that?"
She didn't answer. Her head went down, and she took my cock between her lips. She gave it one hard suck, and I swear she almost got me up with just that one. Then she pulled her head off me.
"Take your clothes off, baby," she smiled. "It's better that way."
I took them off. Quickly.
"Ummmm, that's fine," she said, staring at my cock. "That's just fine "
She went down on me again, and I felt her tongue wrap around me.
"Wow! Too much, baby," I gasped. "Yeah, suck it! Ummmmm, yeahhh...."
She worked on the head of my cock, whipping her tongue against it until I thought I'd die. I was about ready to try to pull her farther onto it, when she sucked my whole dick into that hot mouth of hers. I've a good-sized dick, but she took it all. It must've gone halfway down her throat, but she twisted her lips so that I got some action. Man, she was fabulous. I wanted to come in her mouth, but I thought she might get mad. I mean, the girl must've wanted that dick in her pussy, right?
"Hey, baby," I gasped. "I'm gonna come again. I'm gonna come....
I was right. She wanted some fucking. She pulled away and hopped on top of me. When her pussy slid over my dick, I thought I was gonna flip. She was hot as a furnace, and she started easing her cunt over my cock, teasing me with a real slow movement, then jerking over it, working it through her in sharp movements. Lord, could she fuck!
"Yeahhh, fuck me, fuck me!" I shouted. Ooooooohhh!"
I was real high, and I was out of my mind.
"You like it, eh?" she teased. "You like black pussy, eh, honey?"
Hell, I didn't care what color her pussy was. It could've been green and orange for all I cared. I just dug it, simple as that.
"Now, make it now!" she yelped.
I didn't have to hold back. She tore it out of me, squirming atop me, her cuntlips sucking at my cock. We screwed most of the afternoon away, and then she hit me with a proposition.
"Listen, why don't you go to work for me? You need money, right?"
"Right."
"Well, I'll pay you $300 a week. What do you say?"
"What do I have to do for it?"
"Deliver stuff. Smoke, shit, pills...."
"I could get busted for that real easy."
"No. Not if you do it according to directions. I've been doing business around here for years. There'll be no problems unless you mess up or try to cheat somebody."
"All right. You got yourself a partner."
"Not a partner, honey. An employee...."
"Have it your way. When do I start?"
"Tonight."
"Crack that whip, baby."
"What?"
"Never mind. Where do I go? What do I do?"
She gave me a quick cram course on the art of hustling drugs, and I went to work. I had to deliver a kilo of pot to several customers. Some took only an ounce; others took more. I was scared stiff. I kept looking for fuzz, waiting to be busted by a plainclothesman. But it didn't happen. Everything went fine and easy. I was finished in an hour. I had made fifty bucks. Not bad.
"Like working, honey?" she asked when I got back.
"Love it. Where do I punch out? I'm done for the day."
She smiled and pulled her dress up around her hips. She didn't wear any panties.
"Right here," she giggled, spreading her legs. "You punch out right here, love."
I grinned and walked toward her. I had smoked some of the merchandise during my rounds, sneaking into the park for a couple joints. I was high and mighty, and I felt like tearing her apart with my dick.
"Make way," I said. "Make way for the man!"
I pushed her back on the couch, and she opened her arms. I didn't bother undressing this time. I just took it out and stuck it in. I was hard as steel. I had been looking forward to fucking her the whole time I was gone. I could see that lush body in my mind's eye. The soft thighs, the sweet tits. It went in like a knife into butter, and she closed her legs around my back. She was strong, and it felt like she had me in the grip of death. Shit, what a way to die!
"We're gonna be very happy together," she cooed. "Just one big happy family."
She shoved her tongue into my mouth, and I came, great streams of sperm gushing into her. Her body stiffened, and she gasped like she was being strangled. I pumped my dick through her, reveling in the intensity of our orgasms. When I was through, she wouldn't let go of me, her legs clutching me to her. She was the hungriest bitch around, and I loved it. My cock was like rubber, but she continued to work her hips against me, sucking the last drop out of me.
"You're fantastic," I murmured. "The greatest...."
"Sure, honey," she said, letting my dick slip free. "Sure...."
Well, things were groovy for a long time. I must've spent three months with her. Then one day, I walk in and find her with two guys. You dig it? Two of them!
"What the hell's this?" I said.
"Be a good boy and roll me one, will you, honey?" she said, sweet as could be.
The two guys looked at me like I was some sort of creature.
"Roll one, my ass!" I said. "Who the fuck are these two bastards?"
They both glared at me like they wanted to stick a knife up my nose. One was white, the other black. They looked mean.
"All right, get out of here," she said to them. "Donald and I have to have a few words."
They left, and she started storming around the room. She told me that she likes to fuck with a lot of guys. It gives her kicks. I found out that they had been jamming the room whenever I did my errands for her. I got pissed off and hit her, and she cut me. I don't remember how it happened. All I know is that I hit her, and when she came up she had a knife and she cut me on the neck.
She could have killed me right there, but she didn't. Instead, we fucked. Man, we were both crazy. I stayed with her for a couple more weeks, and then I was busted. It was very funny-how it happened, I mean. I think she set me up for it to get rid of me. I'll never know, 'cause she got me a lawyer and I got off with the usual warning. When I got home, my parents were in tears. My uncle suggested I see you. And here I am....
COMMENTS: Don's alienation from his parents has obviously caused severe emotional problems. However, he is an honest boy, and he is anxious to progress in therapy. I think that when he understands the nature of his problems, realizes the origins of his difficulties, he will be able to deal with his anxieties. He will continue in therapy, and I expect good results.
CHAPTER TWO
PATIENT: Fran A., nineteen.
REMARKS: An attractive girl with a statuesque body, Fran had little difficulty in giving an uninhibited account of her troubles. Her story seemed to gush out, and she was anxious to make some sense out of what had happened to her. Her attitude made her an ideal patient.
FRAN: I guess you know I'm from Jersey. I was going to school at a small college about ten miles outside New York City. I was very happy, I thought. Then Jerry, my boyfriend, broke up with me. He said I was too dull. He meant that I was too cold sexually, that I wouldn't let him sleep with me. He begged me, told me that it was natural for unmarried people to have relations. I said that I thought he was wrong, but it wasn't the truth. The truth was that I was afraid to sleep with him. I was afraid of sex. My parents were very cold to me and each other, and sex played a very small part in their life, or at least I think so. They showed little affection, and I just knew their sex life was almost nonexistent. They had separate beds. You figure it out.
[Note: Fran's inhibited parents have obviously instilled in her some of their traits. She acknowledges that sex posed a threat to her, as it probably did to her parents. She is an only child, and she felt alone and discarded in her home.]
I remember the night Jerry and I broke up. I've always been nervous, kind of scared that something, anything was going to happen to me. I guess you might say that T was paranoid. Well, I got what I wanted that night. Of course, I didn't really want to lose him. But that's the way it happened. We had parked and we were necking; then we petted. He had my tits out and he was sucking them. I was pretty hot, but I tried to control myself. His hand went under my dress, and he worked his fingers inside my panties. I felt him touch my pussy. I was panting, and I guess he thought I was ready to be made.
"Jerry," I pleaded. "Jerry, stop "
"No, not this time," he said. "Let's go all the way this time. I love you, Fran....
He stuck a finger into my cunt, and I thought I was going to give in for a second. I might have, but he took his finger out and opened the fly of his pants.
"Baby, we're gonna have a good time tonight. I've wanted you so long...."
"He pulled his penis out of his pants, and I looked at it.
"No!" I gasped. "No, please, no!"
The size of him scared me. His prick was the first I had ever seen, and suddenly I was more frightened than I had been in my whole life.
"Don't worry," he soothed. "I'll be gentle. I won't hurt you. I promise."
"No, Jerry. I won't let you."
He glared at me. He must have felt foolish, sitting there with his dick hanging out while I told him I wanted no part of him. It seems funny now that I look back on it, but it certainly wasn't at all amusing then. It was nightmarish.
"What do you mean, you won't let me?" he snapped. "What am I, a rapist? I'm supposedly the man you love. We're going to be married when we graduate. That's two years. I don't want to wait that long to make love to you. A man-"
"You're only a boy, Jerry. You don't have to-"
"A boy? Is that what you think I am, just a boy? Well, baby, there's a hell of a lot of women walking around who would disagree with you there."
I stared at him. I couldn't believe my ears. He had told me that he, too, was a virgin.
"Look, I didn't mean that," he said. "I was angry. I didn't mean it...."
"Let's get out of here," I said. "Just let's get going. I want to go home."
He paused for a moment. I sat looking straight ahead. I began buttoning my blouse.
"Okay," he said, his voice harsh. "We'll go. But don't expect to see me again. I'm sick of this shit. The hell with you. I got chicks I can turn to. I don't need this garbage any more. You're a frigid bitch, and I don't know why I've bothered with you for so long. The hell with you!"
When I got back to my room, I fell on my bed and started crying. I though I'd just cry myself out, but something happened. I started, becoming hysterical. I couldn't control myself. I felt so desperately alone. There was no one who cared about me, no one I could talk to. I didn't have any close girlfriends, and besides, I couldn't tell another girl what had happened. It would have been too embarrassing. I felt locked in, and suddenly I wanted to get out. I had to get out! I jumped up from the bed and shoved some of my clothes and things into a suitcase. All the _ while, I kept thinking that I didn't really want to go. I wanted Jerry to make love to me. But I was too timid, too afraid.
[Note: Fran's fear is overpowering. She cannot face her fears, and so she attempts to escape from them. She feels that if she leaves school, leaves her parents and her boyfriend behind her, her life will change. She expects to enter a different environment, one that will not cause her to feel so sad, so defeated.]
I took a bus into New York City. It was a short ride, and suddenly, I found myself in the middle of Times Square. The lights were so bright, and there was so much movement that I felt better immediately. I stopped and had some coffee and doughnuts. I didn't have much money, but I decided not to worry. I'd get along. I'd get a job. But as the hours passed, and as I wandered through the streets, leaving one movie house to enter another until it was closing time, four o'clock in the morning, I began to worry. Where was I going to stay? What would happen to me? I went into several hotels in the Times Square area, but they all looked so sleazy, I left after inquiring about the nightly rate. I went into a pizza joint, and as I sat there, a boy caught my eye. He was handsome, and he had a certain dash to him. He wore boots, bell bottoms, a leather jacket, and a body shirt with a neckerchief. He winked at me, and I smiled. He glanced down at my suitcase, then finished his pizza. When he ordered another piece, he wandered over to my table.
"Hi!"
"Hello," I said.
"You comin' or goin'?"
He was referring to the suitcase.
"I just got in," I said. "I'm looking for a place to stay."
"You mean, you don't know anybody in the city?"
"No, I just got on the bus, and ... well, you know."
"Yeah, sure. What's your name?"
We talked for over an hour. He was very bright, and I liked him. He ordered me a beer, and I began to feel happy. I told him about everything, just babbled on about myself. He seemed very interested, very concerned. I thought he was wonderful. He told me I was good-looking and that I shouldn't be afraid of anything. He said he'd take care of me.
And then a funny thing happened; I started to feel sexy, and I mean real sexy. He was staring at my figure, which was good. I had worn one of my tight sweaters, and he could see my tits push against it. I liked the way he looked at me, so I sat back and pulled my shoulders back. I crossed my legs, and he glanced at my legs. There was a lot of skin showing.
I don't know why he excited me so much. Maybe it was because I was out on my own, and I felt like I could do anything I wanted. My future was mine to write. Maybe it was because it seemed kind of evil, the way we were acting. He made no pretense about the fact that he was trying to pick me up. He didn't love me. He just wanted to make me. I dug it. I don't know why I didn't feel that way about Jerry.
[Note: Several factors probably contributed to Fran's excitement. Her departure from her home and her boyfriend, her arrival in the bright city, the prospect of an illicit affair with a stranger-all these represented a break with her inhibited past. Now that she has run away, her true impulses have risen to the surface.]
"Listen, why don't we get out of here?" he asked me.
"But where can we go, Brian? Everything's closed."
I liked his name. He seemed so masculine. I was crazy about him, and we hadn't even left the place yet.
"Just come with me," he said, taking my hand.
He grabbed my suitcase, and we went to his hotel. He had a small apartment, and when we were inside he gave me a drink. It was straight Scotch, and I coughed on it. It was so strong.
"Feel better?" he asked me.
"Like a new woman," I said.
"Good. Now, c'mere."
I eased into his lap and he kissed me, hard. I ground my mouth against his, and our tongues twisted together. Damn, but I was hot! I could hardly believe it. I was ready for him, ready to do anything with him. My inhibitions seemed to fall away. When he slid his hands under my dress, I parted my legs, and he squeezed my thigh.
"Ummmmm, baby," he murmured. "You're so sweet. Get out of that dress."
I got to my feet and downed the rest of my drink. I felt warm all over, content and anxious to get on with what was obviously going to be an exciting night. I unzipped my dress and let it slide down my body. I wanted to tease him a little, so I turned my back on him and unfastened my bra, then let that slide off too.
"Yeahhhh, baby," he said. "Come to Papa...."
I stepped toward him, and his fingers went inside the elastic band of my panties and worked them down my hips. For a moment I became scared, but when he smiled up at me, his boyish face looking so cute, I calmed down. He leaned forward and buried his face in my belly, his tongue flicking against my cunt.
"Nice and juicy," he chuckled. "Just the way I like it. You want me to stop, honey?"
I was so shocked by the question, I didn't know what to say. He was so considerate.
"No," I gasped. "Don't stop. Do it to me. Do whatever you want to me...."
He pulled me into his lap again, and his fingers went to my cunt. He kissed me, and I felt his finger slide into my vagina, teasing and probing. It felt wonderful, and I pressed against him, my ass squirming over his cock. He was hard, real hard, and the feel of him added to my excitement. He wasn't crude, like Jerry. He was smooth, and he knew how to make a woman want him. He was just the kind of man I needed. I had had enough of adolescent schoolboys ripping at my clothes so they could get a glimpse of my pussy. Who the hell needed the all-American boy? Not me.
"Ooooooh, that feels so gooood," I moaned, and he laughed.
"Sure it does, honey, and you ain't felt nothin' yet. Lie back. I wanna give you a big, fat kiss."
I wasn't sure of what he wanted to do, but I did as he told me. I lay back on the sofa, and then he was between my legs, his mouth moving toward my pussy. I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing.
"Now, just relax, sweetheart," he said. "I know you're a virgin, and you've never been with a man before. But that's a good thing, because tonight I'm going to show you what it's all about. After tonight, you'll be a real woman. You'll know what you want, and you'll know how to get it. Just relax....
His hands parted my thighs, and I felt his mouth slide into the moist warmth of my cunt. My body tensed, and when his tongue slid into my vagina, I thought I would scream. It was fantastic, a feeling I had longed for but had never experienced.
"Oh, yes, yes, yes," I jabbered. "Oh, Brian! That's so good. Oooooooohhhh, yesssss. Your tongue is so marvelous....
His hand slid under my buttocks, and he lifted my ass off the bed so that he could drive his face deep into my pussy. I was out of my mind, and I writhed against him, wanting to get all of him into me. I had never before been able to lose myself in the ecstasy of sex, but that was before I met Brian. He nibbled at my clitoris, and I came, a surging, blasting climax that drove me mad.
"Yessssss, ohhhhhh, don't stop!" I yelped. "Please, don't stop. Ohhhhhhh...."
When he had me sopping wet and hot as a furnace, he moved off me and unbuckled his pants. When he took them off, his dick sprang out, stiff and throbbing. It looked beautiful. For some reason, I did not react to it like I had to Jerry's. Perhaps because Brian had warmed me up to a fever pitch. When I saw that big dick of Brian's, I wanted to cry out for joy. I knew that he'd be driving it into my cunt in a matter of moments, and the thought of it made me ecstatic.
"You're sure you want to go on with this?" he smiled.
"Yes, damn you!" I cried. "Now get the hell over here and stick that thing of yours into me!"
I spread my legs, and his eyes glowed as he moved toward me; I opened my arms for him, wanting to make it as good for him as he would for me. I knew that I would never again realize this moment, the loss of my virginity, and I wanted to enjoy every second of if.
"Easy now," he said as he positioned himself. "This may hurt a little at first."
"I don't give a damn!" I screamed. "Just" push it in and let me worry about the pain!"
He eased the nub of his prick into me, and I found myself bucking my hips, hungry for the rest of that enormous shaft.
"Fuck me!" I shrieked. "Oh, that's it! Give all of it to me. I can feel it! Mmmmmm, it's so good! But it hurts. Oh, God it hurts. Ohhhhhh, Brian! Brian!"
He lost control at that point, and the pain was incredible. He powered his cock into me, and I lay there crying, wondering when it would stop. And then it began to lessen, until the pain was gone and I was fucking with him like an animal. It was marvelous, jerking my hips against him so that his prick would drive completely into me. He had a very large penis, but I was big and we were a perfect fit.
"Suck my tits while you do it to me!" I said. "Ohhhh, suck 'em for me, please, Brian...."
He didn't waste any time doing as I asked. His mouth covered one tit, and he sucked it between his lips. His tongue slid over the nipple, and I arched my back, wanting to stuff as much of my breast into his mouth as possible.
"Ooooohhhh, that's right!" I crooned. "Suck it!
Suck Mama's tit for her "
I don't know where I picked that language up, but the words just seemed to fly from my mouth, as if someone else inside of me were shouting. Oh, if only Jerry could've seen me then. He had called me frigid, but he hadn't any idea of my capabilities. Brian was rasping and wheezing like he was about to have a heart attack, and I loved it.
"Am I good, Brian?" I asked. "Do you like the feel of me, of my body?"
It was a crazy question, I'll admit. But I wanted to hear him praise me, wanted to hear him tell me how much he enjoyed fucking me. I wanted him to say that I was the best he'd ever had, that I was fantastic.
"You're...." he grunted, but he never finished. His come spurted into me, and I worked my pussy over his dick. His hands showed me what movement he wanted, and I gave him a ride for his money. And then my climax hit me, my second. We just rutted like pigs, and when we were finished, he lay there sucking my tits, first one, then the other.
"Great," he said. "That was just great. I can hardly believe you were a virgin. But I guess the blood proves it."
"Blood!"
I wriggled free and looked down at the covering of the sofa. It was soaked with blood.
"Oh, god!" I gasped. "It's awful!"
"Awful?" he sneered. "What did you expect, milk?"
I looked at him, hurt by his words. His tone was different, hard.
"I don't know," I said. "I-"
"There's a lot you don't know, sweetie. And you might as well stop acting shocked when you learn something you didn't know before."
I didn't know what he was talking about, but his words disturbed me. Suddenly, I felt cold. But I didn't let myself feel bad for too long. I couldn't. Too much depended on my getting along with him.
"All right," I said, trying to be as off-hand as he. "Let's wash the blood out of this spread, then."
I got up and went to the bathroom, dropping the spread in the tub. I washed myself, then let cold water run in the tub, so that the blood would wash away.
"C'mon out here and get your drink," he called to me. "Right now...."
I stayed with him, lived* with him, always trying to please him. The longer I stayed, the harsher he became. And then one night, he came home with another man. The man handed me a bottle of Scotch, a very expensive brand, and introduced himself as Al.
"Al's a friend of mine," Brian explained. "I told him about you."
I wondered exactly what Brian had told him, but I was too nervous to ask. Brian dropped ice cubes into three glasses, filling mine almost to the top with straight booze.
"Drink up, honey," he said, handing me the glass. "We're going to have a party, a celebration." Al grinned at me, and I could see his yellow teeth, the squinty eyes leering at me. I hadn't had time to cover myself, and he had good view of just about all I owned.
"What are we celebrating?" I asked.
"A business deal," Brian said. "I just made fifty dollars, selling some merchandise to my friend Al."
"Oh," I said, taking another gulp of my drink. "What did you sell him?"
Brian lowered his glass and smiled. "You...."
I stared at him, disbelieving. "No "
"He's telling it straight," Al broke in. "I paid him the fifty out on the street."
"Why you dirty-"
I wanted to call Brian every name I had ever heard, but I never got them out. He slapped me, his palm snapping my head to the side. Then he grabbed my drink and pulled me off the sofa.
"Hold on a minute, Al," he muttered. "Me and Fran have to have a small discussion. We'll be right back...."
He yanked me into the bedroom and told me that if I didn't fuck with Al, he'd beat the shit out of me. Then he slapped me again, and when I fell to the floor, he kicked me in the stomach. I lay there, gasping for breath, petrified. I knew that if I didn't do what he told me, I'd be out. He wouldn't hesitate to throw me out. I wanted to die. I just wanted to stop living.
"Get up and take your clothes off," Brian said to me. "Show Al what you've got....
I stood up and unzipped my dress. The light in the bedroom was dim, and as I let my dress fall off, I felt my pussy begin to itch. I hated myself for it, but I couldn't deny it. Brian stared at me, then called Al in.
"Wow!" Al gasped. "What a body! Shit, I could fuck that all night long."
"You get an hour, friend," Brian said. "Okay, she's all yours."
. He walked out and closed the door behind him, leaving me alone with a man I'd never seen before.
"Go ahead, sweetie," he said. "Take the rest off. Don't be shy. And don't be afraid. I'm not gonna hurt you. Brian told me not to, and I won't. I just want to touch you, to feel that soft, hot skin of yours. C'mon. Please, take your bra off. That's it. Mmmmmmmm...."
I had unsnapped my brassiere, and when it fell off, my tits popped free, the nipples red and swollen. Damn! The old bastard was getting me hot. I smiled at him and slipped my fingers into my panties, playing with myself while he jerked at the zipper of his pants. I decided he was harmless and that I was gonna have some fun with him. I hated him, but I was gonna give him what he wanted. That is, after he gave me what I wanted.
[Note: Realizing that her "trick" does not intend to harm her, Fran decides to take out on him all her latent animosity toward men. As sex was an instrument of escape when she slept with Brian, it is a means of revenge in her relations with Al. She intends to make him pay for his brief moments of pleasure.]
"Like to feel what I'm feelin'?" I teased.
He just gaped, his mouth open as he gazed at my hands working inside my panties.
"Damn, you're somethin' else," he said. "Never seen a woman do that before."
"You never saw a woman play with herself? What kind of a man are you? Take your dick out, you fool...."
He pulled his cock out, and my mouth almost watered. He had a big one, bigger than I had ever seen. It seemed to me that he shouldn't have any trouble getting a woman and satisfying her. Why did he pay Brian fifty dollars so that he could fuck me?
"My, my," I cooed. "Aren't you hung like the proverbial horse? Ummmm, such a nice, big dick...."
That really turned him on. He leaned back against the door and worked his hand over his cock. The tip of it was beet-red, and I thought he was gonna shoot his load just standing there looking at me.
"Wanna get a better look at what makes me tick?" I asked.
He just nodded his head like a dolt. What an idiot!
"Okay, honey," I murmured. "Watch....
I eased my panties over my hips and down my legs. His eyes widened like a little boy's. He looked so ludicrous, his dick in his hand as he stared at me stripping for him.
"Oooooh, baby," he moaned. "You got such a pretty snatch. So soft and furry. I wanna do somethin' for you. Why don't you let me do somethin' for that sweet pussy of yours? I swear, I just wanna touch it with my tongue. I bet it tastes just like candy."
I pulled a chair over and put one foot on it. I felt strong, powerful. I put my hands on my hips and looked at him contemptuously.
"Sure, I'll let you get a little taste, honey. C'mon over here. Get down on your knees. That's it. Now stick your face up there in it. I haven't washed, so it stinks, but you don't mind, do you?"
He didn't answer. He just shoved his tongue into my vagina and wriggled it around like a snake. He was grunting and wheezing, and the sounds he made turned me on even more. I worked my hands into his greasy hair and urged him on. I didn't care whether I was doing right or wrong. I just dug what he was doing to me. My body was steaming, and I was looking forward to the rest of our session.
"Eat it, love," I said. "Eat it! Ummmmm, that's! right. Suck it out of me...."
He knew how to eat pussy, too. His lips closed about my clit, and his tongue worked over the tip of it. Man, he was good\
"Yesssss, honey," I groaned. "That's it. Oooooooh, make me come. Make me come!"
He did. I could feel it drip down the walls of my vagina and into his mouth. He was lapping at my cunt like a dog. His body was twisting about on the floor, and when I looked down, I saw that he was jerking off while he was eating me.
"Yesssss, shoot it!" I cried. "Go ahead, you sonofabitch! Jerk it off!"
I wanted to make him come. I knew he'd be angry that he'd wasted it on the floor. His body twisted, and he wormed his face deep into my cunt. I worked it over him, wanting to shove it all into his mouth. I had fallen in love with that mouth of his. I wished I could call him any time I wanted, make him get down on his knees and eat my goddamn pussy until I was too tired to take it any longer.
"Ummmmmm," he moaned. "Ohhhhh, god!"
His come shot from the end of his dick, spattering on the floor. I had already come down out of the sky, and when I saw him shoot off, I laughed.
"You jerk!" I shouted. "Why the hell did you do that? Don't you know how to fuck? Don't you know what a pussy is for, you stupid shithead?"
He jumped to his feet, and for a moment I thought I had pushed him too far. But Brian's warnings and the sight of my body calmed him down.
"I'll fuck you," he whined. "I'll fuck you good, honey. That's for sure...."
I turned and headed toward the bed, giving my hips a little extra roll. I could almost feel his eyes boring into me. I slid onto the bed, moving onto my hands and knees. I parted my legs so that he had a clear view of my cunt.
"You ready?" I said. "C'mon, love. Come and get it. I'm giving it to you on a silver platter. You just gonna stand there like you got no dick?"
I figured he wouldn't be able to get it up right away, and I was right. He pulled at it with his hand, then came toward me. I smiled at him, watching him try to get it up so he could stick it in me. He wanted me so bad, I thought he was gonna commit suicide if he couldn't get a hardon. He glanced at my pussy, spread open before him, then looked down at his huge dick, which refused to respond.
"Goddamn!" he sputtered. "What the hell!"
"What's the matter? You aren't scared, are you?
Maybe you're a little nervous "
He cursed again and jerked hard on his prick. He looked too. dumb to believe. And then I wanted that rubbery cock of his in my mouth. I wanted him so bad, I could taste it. His cock must've been a good ten inches, and it wasn't hard yet! You don't come across a dick like that but once in a lifetime, I figured, and I meant to have some fun with it.
"C'mere," I cooed, lying on my back. "Give it to me. I'll get it up "
He ripped at his clothes, tearing at his shirt and pulling his shoes, socks, and pants off. He had a pretty good body for a man his age. He must've been about fifty. His dick dangled like a piece of rubber hose as he crawled on top of me.
"You gonna...?"
"Put it in my mouth," I said. "Mmmmmmm...." I looked up at him, and his face was the picture of bliss. I sucked as much of it into my mouth as I could, then ran my tongue along the underside of that giant prick. Lord, but it was big! I wrapped my fingers around the part that I couldn't fit into my mouth, and he groaned like I was castrating him.
"Oh, damn!" he yelped. "You're so good, baby! You suck it soooooo goooood . ... "
He sounded like a teenager, that dirty old man. As for me, I had no intention of giving that dick up until I felt it come. I didn't want to take it out of my mouth. Every time it throbbed, I got hotter, and when he came, I squirmed around on that bed as if I was trying to escape.
"Do it to me, baby," A1 groaned. "Just keep sucking on it like that! Yessssss, oooooohhhhh. Gaaaaaahhhh. I'm gonna come, baby! I can't hold it! Ohhhh, shit! Yeahhhh!"
His come filled my mouth, and I thought I was gonna choke. Great streams of it gushed down my throat, and I gasped for breath. I took in air through my nose and swallowed his steaming sperm. It tasted good. I dug it, and I sucked him hard, working his prick through my lips to get as much of that sticky, hot come as I could.
"Oh, baby, that was too much," he moaned when he was finished. "That was just the end...."
"No, not the end," I said. "You still got a lot of time left. You aren't gonna run out on me and leave me hot, are you? What kind of man does that?"
He looked at me like I was some kind of nut, and I guess I was! Hah! I didn't give a damn what he thought. He figured he was gonna lay me out and let me have it. Well, I gave him the unexpected, all right. I gave it to him good, the schmuck. I wanted to make him admit that he couldn't satisfy me, that he wasn't half the man that I needed. I wanted him to slink out of that room wondering whether he should have come inside in the first place. Fifty dollars for humiliation! Hah! The ass!
"C'mon, sweetie," I said, leaning back and spreading my legs. "Gimme what I really need. I'm so hot, I'll die if I don't get it!"
"Wait a minute," he wheezed. "Wait until-"
"Now!" I snapped. "Now!"
"But I can't...."
I looked at him as if he were a roach. Then I shoved my middle finger into my pussy and started fingerfucking myself.
"Get out then if you're finished," I said. "Get the hell out!"
He headed for the door, his head hung. And that brought me right to the top. I came, again and again, and as he went out, he heard me moaning through an exquisite climax.
"What did you do to Al?" Brian asked after my customer had left.
"I gave him as much as he could take," I said. "That's what you wanted, isn't it?"
"But he said to me that-"
"I don't care what he said. He got what he paid for. It isn't my fault if he's a bit weak in the head. Shit, what kind of creatures do you find out there, anyway? Finks, phonies, dwarves, and frogs, that's what they are and that's what you are. A goddamn phony. A fucking freak! "
He hit me then. He really hit me. Over and over, until everything disappeared and I woke up with my body hurting so much that I couldn't move. I was on the floor. The bastard hadn't bothered to pick me up and put me on the bed. I wanted to kill him. Light was breaking through the window shades, and I realized it was dawn. I stumbled into the living room, and I found Brian asleep on the couch. And then I knew I was going to get out. Right then; not a moment later. I wanted to leave him and the dirty city. I wanted to go!
"Hey, what're you doin'?" he said as I headed for the kitchen. He bolted off the couch after me, but I slammed the door in his face and ran for the drawers. He came at me, and I grabbed the biggest knife, the carving knife, and the next thing I knew he was reeling backwards, falling across the table and crashing onto the floor. There was blood everywhere. I had slashed his face.
He screamed and scuttled backwards, like a crab. He was scared shit. He'd never been cut before, and he didn't know what to do. I was so weak, I could hardly hold on to the knife. He could have taken it away from me and carved me up like a roast. But he didn't know that. He only knew that his face was bleeding as if his head had been through a meat grinder.
"Don't!" he pleaded. "Don't "
One hand was covering the cut, and the other was stretched out in front of him, for protection. I stepped by him and went into the bedroom. I didn't bother packing. I took the money I had, then went back into the kitchen.
"Gimme the fifty!" I said.
He hesitated. I lifted the knife.
"No, no! Here, take it!"
He fished it out of his pocket and handed it to me. I stuffed it in my coat and backed out of the place. Then I ran down the stairs. I ran out onto the street and realized I was still carrying the knife, I stopped dead in my tracks, at an absolute loss as to what to do with the damn knife. Blood was damn near dripping from it. Ten people must've seen me holding it before I grabbed a newspaper out of a trash can and wrapped the knife in it. But nobody said a thing about it. Not a word. That's the way it is in New York. They don't give a damn unless you're coming at them with a knife. As long as the thing is pointed in the opposite direction, they play it cool. I threw it down a sewer opening, then beat it.
Shit, I thought, where the hell will I go?
My head was spinning, and I thought I was gonna faint. And then I knew where I wanted to be. I wanted to be home. So I got on a bus and took it on home. It was my brother who suggested I see you. Seems he knows somebody you treated once. That guy is still alive. Hope you can do the same for me.
REMARKS: Fran is a sensitive, intelligent girl, and I think her pessimism is unwarranted. Her life with her parents has been unhappy, but she now realizes that running away solves little. I believe that with hard work she can deal with strong sexual impulses, which arose after years of frustration. I think that the proper guidance, she can become a healthy, normal woman.
CHAPTER THREE
PATIENT: Alan B., 16.
REMARKS: A delightful young man, Alan was especially uninhibited in discussing incidents in his life. Therapy did not pose any threat to him, and in his first session, he immediately immersed himself in telling of his past. At five feet five inches and 140 pounds, he is small but well formed, his long blond hair giving him an extremely youthful look.
ALAN: Why did I leave home? Why does the bird leave the nest, baby? Not that that has anything to do with anything, but I just left. Cut out. Quit. My old man and my old woman were just that-old. And dull. Ditto with my friends. I took the train into New York, and before I knew it, I was cruising down 42nd Street. I didn't realize it then, but cruising was really the word for it. I didn't have a thing with me except what I was wearing. I had a few bucks, but I knew it wouldn't last long.
"Hey, man, you got a cigarette?" I asked this one cat.
He eyed me like I was some kind of fish in the market. "Yeh, sure, baby," he said. "Help yourself." He extended the pack, and I took one.
"Haven't seen you around before, baby," he said.
His voice was soft and velvety, and it did something to me. My prick started to swell in my pants, and my voice sort of stuck in my throat. I don't know why that surprised me. I'd messed around with a guy back home; you know, sucking each other off and all. I guess that's one reason I left. I didn't know what was going on in my mind. I thought that if I got away from home, I'd straighten out, if you don't mind the pun, which you probably do, being a shrink and all and with shrinks having no sense of humor.
[Note: Obviously, Alan's homosexual experiences have disturbed him deeply. He jokes about them, but when he ran away from home they were a source of great concern to him. He thought that by going to a new place, he would "straighten out," that is, develop his heterosexual impulses.]
I'd never been with a girl. I mean, I'd had dates, but I'd never fucked with one. I'd never fucked with anything, come to think of it. I was a fucking virgin. Strolling down 42nd Street. It was a toss-up who would get me-the gays or the whores.
"I just got into the city," I told this guy.
He lit my cigarette, and I took a deep drag. It felt good; it calmed me down.
"What're you lookin' for?"
"Huh?"
"I said, what're you lookin' for? You must be after somethin'. What is it?"
"I, uh, guess I'm looking for some ... friends."
"What kind?"
"The kind that fly balloons. What kind do you think, man? The friendly kind."
He slid by me and started up the street.
"Hey, wait a minute!" I said.
I didn't want to lose this character, with his buckskin jacket and engraved boots. He turned around, and I caught up to him.
"I was just kidding," I said. "Listen, I got no place to stay. You got any ideas? Any hotels you know of?"
"You don't wanna go to no hotel, man. They'll eat you alive. Come with me. I'm goin' uptown."
We took the double-A train to 72nd Street and walked a couple blocks along Central Park West. He insisted on walking near the park, along a cobblestone sidewalk that was shadowed by the trees. There were guys all over the place, and it was then that I began to realize what I was getting into. But it didn't bother me. In fact, I kind of dug it. I thought, If only my friends could see me now!
They would've been shocked, really shocked. Me, trafficking with known homosexuals! Horror!
"Where you live?" I asked him after a few blocks and two dozen stares. "Near here?"
"Right down this street," he said.
We crossed the avenue and headed west, and I noticed that two guys detached themselves from the lineup under the trees and crossed with us. "Mark!" one of them called. "Hey, Mark!"
"Hey, Bobby," my newfound friend said. "How you doin', love?"
The two crossed over to us, and we walked to Mark's apartment. When we got inside, they fixed me a drink and I sat staring at the joint. It was like another world. Really groovy. Pink and white and blue and it was all soft and cozy. We talked for a while, and then one of the others piped up.
"Really, Mark, tell me the truth. You never met this darling boy before in your life?"
"That's right," Mark said. "A great find, eh?" They all laughed, and I even chuckled, although I didn't know what was so funny.
"Come over here, love, and give me a nice kiss," Bobby said.
I looked at Mark.
"Well?" he said.
I got the feeling that he meant that I could leave if I wanted, or I could go give Bobby a nice kiss. I got up and went toward the guy. I felt wild, really sexy. I dug the scene. The guys were good-looking, really built, and I had a hardon that wouldn't quit. I leaned over and kissed Bobby on the lips.
"Mmmmmm, sweet," the other one said. "My name's Gene, love. Why don't you give me a kiss too?"
I kissed him, and I nearly jumped when his went to my cock. He squeezed it, and my breath oozed out of me.
"Oooooohhh," Gene sighed. "What have we here?"
Mark and Bobby laughed.
"I think he's sexually excited," Bobby said. "Isn't that awful?"
"Nervous too," Gene said. "Maybe we can help him out. He must be terribly uncomfortable."
"Leave him alone," Mark said. "Come over here, Alan."
I went over and sat next to Mark. His hand drifted into my lap.
"You know what you're gettin' into, don't you?" he asked. "You're not so dumb...."
"I know," I said.
Man, you could have heard a pin drop in that room.
"You're sure, eh?" Mark said.
"Yes...."
"Good."
He pulled me to him, and we kissed hard, his tongue slithering between my teeth. Man, I was really into it in a hurry. The next thing I knew, he had my dick out and he was down between my legs. Bobby tried to hustle in ahead of him, but he pushed him away.
"Get back, dammit!" he said. "I found him "
"All right, Mark. Have it your way," Bobby said.
"That's right."
Then his head dipped, and I felt him take my prick in his mouth. He just played with the head of it at first, and when I started squirming, he sucked the whole of it into his mouth. It felt great, just like with Jimmy, the guy I messed around with back home. But Mark didn't suck me off. He stopped just before I was ready to come.
"Hey!" I said as he moved away.
"Ooooh, isn't he impatient?" Bobby giggled as he took Mark's place. "Mmmmmmm...."
All three of them sucked me, and I felt like a king. While Gene was running his tongue around my dick, pulling at my cock like he wanted to tear it off, I saw Bobby hustle out of his clothes and go down on Mark. Mark Just stood there grinning at me.
"We're gonna have great times, kid," he said. "Don't worry about a thing. We'll take care of you. You'll be the cock of the roost."
Gene stopped sucking my prick long enough to fall over on his back and start laughing maniacally. "He's an epileptic," I said. "Tell me he's sick." Gene crawled to his knees and unbuttoned his shirt. "Get out of those clothes, honey," he said. "We're going to get down to business."
Bobby giggled, and I figured they were working on an act together. Strictly for laughs.
"C'mon," Mark said, taking me by the hand. "Lemme show you aroun' the place "
Bobby and Gene began wrestling on the living room floor. I stared at them. Their dicks were flopping around, and each was diving for the other's cock.
"They're infants," Mark said. "Don't pay them any attention. But they're good when it counts."
He snapped on the light in the bedroom, and I gawked. The place was even more fantastic than the living room; sculpture, posters, paintings, wild designs all over the wall. The bed was enormous, and it was covered with a smooth-looking quilt.
"Sit down," he said.
I did, and he pushed me onto my back and slipped my dick between his lips. He sucked it hard until it was stiff and swollen. I just lay there enjoying it all, gazing up at the ceiling, which was plastered with photos and posters. The room was suffused with a yellowish light, and my head started to slide into a place it had never been.
"So beautiful," Mark said. "Such a beautiful cock "
"Glad you like it," I said, and he chuckled.
"Now that you're ready, we can begin," he said finally, easing onto the bed.
"Huh?"
He got on his hands and knees. "Get behind
^ , y-y me.
I didn't know what he wanted, but I did as he told me.
"Well, go ahead," he said. "Stick it in. Just push it in and let me take off."
I was beginning to dig what was transpiring.
"Well, c'mon!" he snapped. "I thought you were a smart boy. Let's go...."
I moved behind him, and he reached under and grabbed my dick. I thought I was gonna come in his hand, I was so scared and so excited. He wanted me to fuck him in the ass!
"That's it," he said. "Now push!"
I fucked it into his ass, and he sighed.
"Ohhhhh, yeahhhhh," he groaned. "That's right. That's just right. I don't like 'em too big. It ain't as pleasurable."
He was very articulate. Very attuned to his inner self.
"Nice and easy," he moaned. "Just push and pull. Nice and easy...."
I was really hot by this time. I slid my arms around him and fucked hard.
"Easy!" he said. "Easy!"
Well, what do you know? The rough, tough cowboy likes it gentle. I couldn't believe his asshole was big enough to take my dick so easy. And then I realized that he must've put something up his ass, vaseline or something. And he must've had it up there when I met him. Shit, he was really ready for action!
"Ohhhhhh, man!" I groaned. "This is too much! I'm gonna come, man. I'm gonna come. I gotta! I gotta!"
I let it go, and he pulled back his head and his body shivered and shook like he was having spasms. I emptied myself into him, and when I was through, I let it slide out.
"Ohhhhh, so nice," he murmured, falling forward onto his chest.
We lay there like a couple of sweating pigs, trying to catch our breath.
"Man, you really freaked out," I said to him. "You really dug it, huh?"
"I was having an orgasm, baby," he muttered. "Don't tell me you didn't realize it...."
I felt stupid.
"Well?" he said.
"No, I didn't know," I said. "I never fucked before. I sucked a guy off a couple times. He was a friend of mine. We were very...."
"Yeah, I know. You were soul brothers. Well, baby, you don't know what you've got ahead of you. And I want to be the one who breaks you in."
I didn't like the sound of that. It sounded painful. Being fucked in the ass didn't appeal to me.
"Listen," I said. "I dug fucking you, but I don't want to return the favor, dig it?"
"You don't know what you're saying," Mark laughed. "You'll feel different after you-"
"There isn't going to be any after, man....
He gazed at me, his eyes flat. I didn't know what he was thinking. I hoped he was thinking kind thoughts.
"Bobby! Gene!" he called, and I knew I was in for it.
I started to move off the bed, but his friends grabbed me and forced me face down. I screamed, but the sound was muffled by the quilt. One of them was riding my neck, while the other grabbed my legs. I fought as hard as I could, but those bastards were strong as hell. I found out later that they lifted weights together. They were supermen.
"Go ahead, Mark!" I heard Gene shout in my ear. "Sock it to him! Hahhhhhh!"
And then I felt two hands prying my buttocks apart, pulling them open.
"Hold him now!" Mark shouted. "Here it goes!" And then there was the pain, the incredible pain. I thought I was gonna die. I didn't dream it could hurt so much. The head of his dick pushed inside, and then he wriggled against me, forcing it deeper, and deeper, and deeper. I knew he must've greased his dick, but it didn't seem to help much. I think I blacked out for a few moments, because suddenly it started to feel good.
".Let him go," I heard somebody say. "Let go of him. He's all right now. Yeah, baby. Go, baby!" Mark had his hands on my hips, and he was guiding his prick into me in slow, rhythmic strokes. Every time , he hit bottom, a thrill went through me, electric, as if he'd touched a nerve in my soul. "Jesus!" I gasped. "Oh, Lord sweet Jesus!"
And then it hit me. My whole body shuddered, and as Mark's dick battered into me, I experienced this fantastic orgasm. My ass felt as though it would split wide, and my mind flew off into the clouds somewhere.
"Whew! You really made it!" I heard Gene say! "Yeah, I think we've got a prodigy on our hands," Bobby added.
"It was out of this world," I said. "I never knew ... I mean, I just didn't realize ..
"Most people don't," Bobby said. "Let me kiss you, you lovely thing."
He grabbed my head and plastered his lips against mine.
"I want to fuck him next," Gene said. "Let me do him next. I held him for Mark. Mark, please...?"
"Let the kid alone," Mark said, getting to his feet. "Anybody want a drink?"
"Yeah, gimme a Scotch on the rocks," I said, and he left the room.
Bobby smiled at me, and I glanced at his dick. It was big, bigger than Mark's. As I looked at it, studied its thick veins and purplish head, my body flushed. I wanted him! I wanted his dick inside me, pumping into my ass.
"We don't have to wait for Mark, or do just what he says," I whispered.
Bobby's eyes widened. "Hurry," he gasped. "Oh "
He moved behind me and stabbed between my buttocks.
"Wait a minute," I said. "Use some grease or something. I'm too tight."
"Not after that last one, honey," Bobby chuckled. "You're nice and wet. Now, just open wide...." I spread my legs wide on the bed, and he eased his prick into me. Again, there was the pain, but it wasn't as intense. And when he began a quick in-and-out movement, my excitement began to build.
"Shit, that feels good," I murmured. "So goooooood..
"Yes, baby, yes ..
"Lemme get into this," Gene said.
And then he was under me, sucking my dick between his fat lips. I thought I was gonna pass out. Bobby was drilling that juicy prick of his into my ass while Gene was sucking my cock as if it were candy. I could hear them gasping and moaning, and the three of us must've created quite a symphony of sounds. When I shot it into Gene's mouth, Bobby went crazy.
"Ohhhhhh, fuck, fuck, fuck!" he grunted. "C'mon, baby. Lemme do it to you. Go ahead. Go ahead!"
And again I came, the muscles in my ass tightening about his prick, and I could feel his come, steaming hot, gush into my rectum.
"Oh, yeah!" I shouted. "Oh, yeahhhhhhh!"
Bobby fell off me, and when I turned around, I saw Mark standing by the door with my drink. His dick was iron hard, and his eyes were blazing. I knew that he wanted me, and I liked the idea. It was obvious that I turned them on. I don't think Mark expected me to react as passionately as I did. He probably thought I'd submit once, then beat it the hell out of the apartment. Now, he'd not only had me, one of his friends had fucked me. And another was waiting on line.
"So you're a real wonder boy, eh?" he said. "You can't stop once you start, eh? Well, get ready, baby. You've got one long night ahead of you...."
That was the truth. We fucked the night away. I mean, we did everything three males can possibly do together.
I stayed with them for a week. And something new turned up-Mark's sister. She was about eighteen, and she was beautiful. An absolute knockout. Big tits, sweet hips, and the sexiest face you could imagine, with long blonde hair framing it. Man, I fell in love with that chick the moment I saw her.
"I got to go downtown to buy some things," Mark said after he had introduced us. "I'm sorry, Sis, but I can't put it off. Alan will entertain you while I'm gone. He's been living with me for about a week."
I turned a few shades of red, and she giggled. Her name was Maura; very sensual.
"Where do you come from?" she said, smiling.
"Long Island," I answered. "I took off about a week ago, like Mark said."
"Where did you meet my brother?"
I didn't quite like that question. I mean, she must've known Mark was gay. What did it matter where I met him?
"I was looking through the telescope on top of the Empire State Building, and I saw Mark sunning himself nude on top of his building," I said "Naturally, I rushed right over."
She looked at me as though I were insane. I was ready to agree with that diagnosis.
"You're cute," she cooed, sliding next to me. "How come you mess with Mark and the rest? You don't like girls?"
Mark's sister was very blunt.
"I mess with boys because I dig it," I said. "How's that? Plain enough?"
"And you don't dig girls?"
"I didn't say that...."
I could get a good glimpse of those luscious tits of hers. They were nearly falling out of the top of her dress. She must've been very popular with the boys.
"Then you like me," she said. "I excite you."
"Yeah, baby," I said. "You excite me. I'd like to fuck you. After I sucked your cunt for about a half hour."
I figured I didn't have anything to lose. Subtlety was lost on this chick. She was a subtle as a sledgehammer.
"Then do it," she gasped, pushing those big tits of hers nearly into my face. "Do whatever you want to me. My brother won't be back for an hour. Hurry...."
I did just as she said. We lost no time. I pulled the front of her dress down and feasted on those huge breasts of hers. The nipples were enormous, thick and hard.. The tips of them were incredibly sensitive, and each time I slid my tongue over one, she'd whine like a bitch in heat. I shoved my hand under her dress and found that she wore no panties. Very convenient.
"Just do it to me," she yelped. "Please. Put it in me. I want it...."
She sounded like a ten-year-old girl. But she had me hot. I had always been sort of scared of girls. I was afraid I'd insult them by being too forward. But with this chick, it was different. I felt cool, nice and loose. I knew I could give her what she wanted. My dick felt like a board inside my pants.
"Ohhhh, hurrrrrry," she cooed. "Please. I want you. I need you so bad...."
I pulled my dick out, and she grabbed it, sliding her hand over the length of it. Like I said, I'm not too big-my dick's about six inches long. But she seemed to be mesmerized by it.
"Lovely," she murmured. "Just lovely...."
She had to be cock happy, right? It ran in the family.
"C'mon, let's do it on the floor," she said.
We got down on the damn rug, and she*took my dick and pulled it into her cunt. It went in like a knife through butter, and she lifted her ass and worked her hips. Lord, but she could fuck, too!
"Suck my tits while you do it to me," she moaned. "I love to have 'em sucked....
I shoved my face in the valley between those gorgeous tits, and she pressed my face against her. Then she moved my mouth to a nipple, and I suckled like a baby. I was ready to come in a jiffy.
"Get ready, baby," I said. "Daddy's gonna unload. Oooooh, baby!"
She giggled and swiveled her ass around, so that her cunt seemed to be twisting like a top around my cock. I nearly went out of my mind. Her dress was bunched up around her belly, and the whole scene was just too much. I expected her brother to barge in at any second and catch me doing it to his sister, but it didn't happen. I just exploded, and she tore every bit of it out of me.
"Yeahhhhh," she moaned. "Ohhhhh, that's good. You make me feel like an animal! Ohhh...."
Finally, I pulled it out of her and fell off her.
"Like it?" she asked.
I just grinned.
"Wait a minute," she giggled. "I got an idea. You'll dig this."
She went into Mark's bedroom and came back with a pair of panties.
"Put these on," she said, handing them to me.
I looked at her, wondering whether she was putting me on.
"No, really," she said. "Put 'em on. They're silk. You'll love the feel of them. And then we'll do it again."
I liked that last idea, and so I put her panties on. She was nude now, and that fantastic body of hers was doing things to me. I looked down, and my hardon was pressing against the smooth silk of the panties. I rubbed my hand over it, and the sensation was something else, something special.
"See what I mean?" she said. "Now, dig this....
She moved against me, snaking her arms about my neck and rubbing that delicious body over my prick. Her belly caressed my dick through the panties, and I thought I was gonna experience a very premature orgasm.
"Dig it?" she said.
"Yeah, it's wild."
Her hand went down there, and she squeezed my dick. Her fingers played with me, and her tongue danced through my mouth. Man, I had a hardon that was like steel. But I felt funny. I should have wanted to fuck the hell out of her. But it was Mark that I wanted.
"What's the matter?" she asked. "Feel a little confused-like something's happening, but you don't know what it is?"
"Yeah," I said. "I keep thinking about Mark "
"You want to do it to him? You want to shove that lovely prick into his asshole, don't you?" Like I said, she was very blunt. "Okay, I'll take care of that...."
She took me by the hand, and we went into the bedroom. She assumed a kneeling position on the bed, then turned and gave me that girl-scout smile.
"Go ahead," she said. "Fuck me. Right in the ass..
I grabbed my dick, fondling it through the panties. She looked delectable, kneeling on the bed with those luscious tits hanging down.
"How bad do you want it?" I said.
I felt like teasing her, making her beg for it. I was tired of being on the defensive.
"I'll pay you for it," she said. "I'll give you money. I'll find other girls for you. Or other guys, I'll do anything. Anything. Just fuck me. Please, Please stick that beautiful dick of yours as far into my ass as it'll go. Please...."
"You like it in the ass, eh?"
"Yessssss, I love it!"
"You like to do it with your brother, don't you?
You like him to fuck you, to jam his dick up your rectum?"
"Yes, yes, yes," she moaned, her face buried in the softness of the quilt.
"How long have you been fucking with your brother?"
"For years," she gasped. "Ohhhh, please don't do this to me. Please don't."
I pulled the panties off and hopped onto the bed. She shrieked like a banshee and reached behind her to take my dick. A bottle of grease was set on a table near the bed, and she dipped her fingers into it and smeared it on my prick.
"Now," she gasped. `'Now....
I spread the cheeks of her ass, then worked the head of my cock into her anus. She was incredibly large, and as I pushed, it slid into her without the slightest resistance. She must've been getting in the ass for a long time.
"Ohhhhhh, yessss, that's what I wanted," she moaned. "This is the best...."
I fucked her hard, ramming my dick into her ass, gasping as the muscles of her rectum contracted about me. Then I reached under her and grabbed her tits. They felt so firm and juicy, I wanted to come on the spot. But I held back, digging all of it. I squeezed her tits, and she started rasping like she was going to throw an epileptic fit. She was really turned on, and I tried to think of other things that would torture her even more.
"You like it, baby?" I said.
"Wonderful!" she grunted. "Oooooooohhhh...."
She took one hand off a tit and moved it to her cunt. "Finger fuck me!" she gasped. "Stick it in and fuck me with it...."
I eased my forefinger into her snatch. She was soaking wet, and I realized that she must have come several times while I was fucking her in the rear. I wanted her to have two orgasms, one in the rear and one in the vagina. I wanted to drive her crazy. She was so luscious, so exciting.
"Come on, baby," I whispered. "Come. Really go. C'mon! Go, baby, go!"
She began to gasp for breath, her lungs struggling to get enough air. I had her where I wanted her. Her body shuddered, then began to twitch. That's when I unloaded
"Ahhhhh," she screamed. "Oh, God! Eeeeee!...." Rockets went off in my head, and I forgot about her. There was only the searing sensation, the fantastic orgasm. I powered my prick into her until it was too soft to make it. Then I fell off her and collapsed on the bed, staring up at the ceiling but seeing nothing.
"Well, well, I see that you two have been getting along splendidly," I heard a voice say.
I turned my head and saw Mark. Maura struggled to her feet and approached her brother, her big tits jiggling.
"Don't be mad," she cooed. "It was just-"
He turned and stalked out of the room.
She looked at me. "He's very jealous," she giggled. "He wants me all to himself. But he's stupid.
He never should have left me alone with you. I'll talk to him."
She went out, and when she came back, Mark had his arm about her waist and he was smiling.
"Sis tells me it was all her fault, and I've forgiven her," Mark said. "As long as it doesn't happen again. And by the way, she told me you dug the panties bit."
"Yeah," I said. "It felt weird. I liked it."
"Good. I'll call Veronica. You and her should get together. She'd have a lot to tell you. And you might be able to make some money, too."
I didn't know what the hell he was talking about, and I didn't bother to ask. I figured that with these people, you might as well just wait and see what developed. I showered, and as I was toweling myself off, this chick walks into the room. I pulled the towel around my waist, but she smiled. "Don't bother," she said, her voice rather deep. "Mark told me all about you. I feel that we're very close, even though we've never met. My name's Veronica."
She came toward me, and I felt my dick swell, bulging against the towel. She glanced down at it and laughed.
"Well, Mark told me you were a hot one," she said.
As she came closer, I could see that her face wasn't smooth like a woman's. It was heavily made up, but even the makeup couldn't conceal the coarseness of her skin.
"What are you looking at sweetie?" she asked. "You're embarrassing me."
"Well, I-"
I couldn't finish. She slid against me, and I grabbed her and kissed her. For the first time in my life, I realized that the more sex you get, the more you want. I was horny again, and I liked this woman. She was sexy as hell, all made up like some sort of temptress. Maybe it was a little overdone, but I dug it.
"Ummmmm, yessss, kiss me," she murmured, squirming against me.
I let the towel fall to the floor, and immediately her hand was on me, squeezing, fondling.
"You have a nice little prick," she gasped. "Very nice indeed. Would you like to fuck me with it?"
What better way to cement a budding friendship?
I unzipped the back of her dress and peeled it off her. Then I unsnapped her bra and let if slide off. Her tits were small, but they were firm, and I sucked one, then the other into my mouth, working my tongue over them as she twisted against me.
"Ooooh, you are good," she murmured, stepping back.
She let the dress ease off her hips, and then she was standing there, dressed only in high heels and panties. It was at that point that I noticed a strange bulge in her panties. The dawn of understanding began to break upon my mind.
She knew what I was thinking. "Didn't Mark tell you?" she said, sliding the panties down her hips.
I shook my head.
"Oh, he's such a rascal!" she said.
She turned, so that her back was toward me. "Come here," she said, "and get these off me."
I stepped behind her and let my dick rub against the sheer material of the panties. Again, I felt that weird sensation. My dick began to jump, and I felt hot, hungry for whatever was in store for me.
"That's it," she said as I peeled the panties off. "Oooohh, yes, honey!"
I reached for her and found what I wanted-a thick, throbbing dick. I eased my hand over it, and she threw her head back. I kissed her hard, and she whimpered, writhing against me as I fondled her prick. I know it must sound funny, Doc, to speak of a woman as having a prick, but that's the way it seemed. That's what made it so exciting. Veronica was neither man nor woman; she was both!
"Easy, honey," she cooed. "Don't hurt it. It's got a lot of work to do."
Well, we rutted like a couple of pigs, and by the time we were finished I was exhausted. Maura came in with some food, and after I had eaten, Veronica suggested I put on her clothes. As I dressed, she told me she had built up her breasts by taking hormone shots. She was friendly with a doctor who provided her with whatever she needed.
"You'd be surprised at the money I make, honey," she said. "Sometimes four, five hundred a week. And I haven't got any pimp that I have to hand it over to, like those silly whores."
Maura came in and helped me make up my face, and then she fitted a wig onto my head. It was blonde, garish yellow, and when I looked into the mirror, I didn't recognize the person I saw. And then I realized that I had dressed that part of me that had lain hidden all my life. I giggled, and Maura and Veronica laughed.
"You look delicious," Maura said. "Good enough to eat. Give me a kiss...."
I kissed her, and she clung to me like she was going under for the third time. Her belly rubbed against my cock, and when she felt me swell, she got down on her knees and pulled my dick out.
Veronica grinned. "You see, honey," she said. "It does something to people. Some won't admit it. They stifle their reaction. But they'd love you if they gave themselves the chance."
Maura was tonguing my dick, and I leaned back and rested my hands on the dresser.
As I continued to talk, I noticed that my voice became more effete. But I liked it. Soon, I was lisping slightly urging her on with soft word, feminine words.
"Yes, yes, yes," Veronica hissed, sitting on the bed fondling her dick.
When I came, Maura gulped it down like it was grapefruit juice. I shut my eyes and took a trip. When I awoke, I was slumped on the bed. I had been sleeping, and it was dark outside. I still wore Veronica's clothes. Mark came in, and three other guys in drag with him.
"C'mon, honey," he said, his voice mocking. "You've got a date."
I struggled to my feet, and one of them, a tall girl named Ann helped me with my makeup. Then we left. We walked along Amsterdam Avenue, and when a cop turned the comer, they abruptly crossed the street.
"That's isn't Johnny," one of them explained. "Johnny doesn't bother us. He likes Angel, and she gives him some. But these others, they hate our guts. We scare them."
We turned another corner, and a car pulled up beside us. The window went down, and a man peered out.
"Hey," he whispered. "C'mere."
"Go see what he wants," Ann said. "But don't settle for less than fifty."
"Fifty?" I said.
"Yes, honey," she said in that motherly voice. "Dollars."
I walked toward the car, and the guy gave me the once-over. His eyes glistened, and I knew he liked what he saw. The car was very expensive, and suddenly I liked the idea of taking his money.
"Hello," he said, trying to sound seductive.
"Hi."
I leaned close to him, so he could get a whiff of my perfume. I felt excited. So many strange things were happening, and I couldn't resist any of them.
"You busy tonight?"
He glanced through the other window, looking for the Gestapo.
"Kind of," I said. "Why?"
"Well, I thought "
"You thought we might go off someplace and have a little fun, right?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"I need fifty bucks. Rent money, you know."
"Okay, okay. Get in. And hurry up. We'll go to my place."
We breezed through the park, and suddenly I found myself taking an elevator up to the thirtieth floor of a luxury building over near the East River. He moved close to me, letting his hand slide onto my tit.
[Note: In his search for an identity, Alan has allowed others to manipulate his psyche. He now refers to his own chest as a "tit," having submitted to the pressure to identify himself as a woman.]
"What's your name?" he asked me.
"Jackie," I said. "Who are you?"
"Jim."
The doors opened, and we hustled down the corridor. When we stepped into the apartment, I heard something rustle.
"Jim?" came a female voice.
I looked at him.
"My wife," he explained. "She, uh, wants to take part in it too."
"That makes it another fifty," I said.
My avarice surprised me. I was talking like an old pro. By the next week, I'd be eligible for a pension.
"Hello," the chick said when we went into the living room. "I'm Alice."
She extended her hand, and I grasped it, squeezing it gently. She was staring at me like I was the hottest thing she'd ever seen. I couldn't figure out what her scene was going to be.
"Pour Jackie a drink," Jim said, and she went rattling into the liquor cabinet.
Jim took that opportunity to slide his hand onto my ass. I was wearing a very short skirt, and when I smiled at him, he slipped his fingers beneath the hem and felt my ass.
"Yeahhhh," he growled. "Good times tonight."
I giggled, and his wife handed me a bowlful of booze.
"To tonight," she toasted. Not too original, but appropriate.
We quaffed, and I felt myself become dizzy. I hadn't eaten much and the booze was straight and strong. We retired to the sofa, where Jim replaced his hand beneath my skirt. I opened my legs and he put his hand on my cock. I heard him take in air sharply, his fingers squeezing my dick, which was quickly becoming very hard. He draped his arm around my shoulder, trying to pull me closer.
"Haven't you forgotten something?" I said.
He stared at me blankly.
"Money," I said. "One hundred."
"Oh." He seemed a bit glum. "Alice," he said softly. "Bring me my checkbook."
"Cash," I said.
He glared at me. This was becoming comical. I felt like an extortionist. His wife fished out the cash and gave it to me. I stuffed it in my purse. Yeah, I even carried a purse. Maura gave it to me before I left.
"Okay," he snapped. "Now let's go. Get your clothes off."
I didn't like his tone, but I got up and unzipped my dress. Suddenly, his wife leaped to her feet and tore the damn dress right off me.
"You slut!" she cried. "You filthy, disgusting beast. How dare you come in here with my husband?"
"I'm sorry, Alice," the old man whined. "I swear, it was her idea. I didn't-"
And then it happened. The old man turned and belted me. I mean, he really laid one on me. I went down for a ten count. I never saw the punch. He just turned and belted me right out of the blue. When I came to, they had me bound in a chair, and Alice had a very ominous-looking whip in her hand. The rest of the night is a bit cloudy in my mind. The old lady whipped me; then the old man worked me over. I was afraid they were going to do something to my dick, like cut it off. I say they were old, but they were only in their late forties.
After what seemed like three days of torture, they let me alone. I sat there while they fucked. They really had themselves a good time. After they had gotten their thrills, they threw me out. They let me keep the hundred, and I went to the hospital. It cost me fifteen bucks to have my arm set. They had broken it. I freaked out in the hospital, just when I was ready to leave. I didn't want to leave. I was scared. They grabbed me and held me down while on doctor gave me an injection. When I woke up I was in the mental ward. That's where you came in, Doc.
REMARKS: Alan's story is certainly astounding, but I do not doubt his words. His mind is certainly confused, and his impulses have been jumbled so many times, he has difficulty deciding just what he wants. However, he will continue in therapy and, with hard work, will be able to construct a productive life based on his true desires.
CHAPTER FOUR
PATIENT: Gina W., eighteen.
REMARKS: Although she is blessed with a very pretty face, Gina's figure is rather heavy, and she is very self-conscious about it. However, she would not be considered fat, and I believe that she exaggerates her condition in her own mind. Her first two sessions* with me were not fruitful, but in her third she was able to tell her story. A transcript of that session follows.
GINA: I was working as a salesgirl in my hometown, which is in Pennsylvania. I lived near a college, and I met some of the college boys, but they were so crude and dull that I lost interest in them. I couldn't go out with any of them without having to fight them off. I think I'm fat, but the boys always seem to want to get in my pants. And if they don't want that, they want to get their hands on my tits. Not that I mind. I've got a pretty good-sized pair, about forty inches, and I'm proud of them. It's all I've got to be proud of, when it comes to my body.
I dug some of the local guys, the ones that zoomed around on motorcycles. But my parents told me I was a fool, that I should find a college guy so I could live good. My parents are kind of poor, and they figured I'd marry a little money so they could relax.
"All that money walking around that campus, and you want to run with a motorcycle gang," my father said. "You're a jerk. You got no brains in that head of yours at all."
He didn't want to understand that I wasn't running with any motorcycle gang. I just liked a guy who owned one. Anyway, I got fed up and cut out. I got on a bus and went to New York. I was a virgin, and ,1 knew that I'd lose that tag in a hurry. Which was fine with me. I was tired of being a good girl.
[Note: Gina is not sure what she wants. She dislikes the aggressiveness of the college boys she dated, but as she leaves home, she states that she is eager to lose her virginity. It seems that she is tom between two ethics, one middle class, the other libertine.]
When I got to the city, I found my way down to the Lower East Side, what they call the East Village. I had read about it, and I wanted to be there.
I figured that whatever I wanted, I could find it there. I found an apartment my first day there. The rent was only twenty-eight dollars a month, and the joint was a tenement, real dirty. The next day, I scouted around for some furniture, and bought some on the street from an old man. I bought a big mattress and put it on the floor in the bedroom. After a week, the place was looking good. And I had made some friends.
One of them came knocking on my door at about noon on Tuesday of my second week in the city. He lived next door, and he was very sexy. Long hair, blue eyes, a real doll.
"Hey, baby, how you doin'?" he said as he came in.
I double locked the door, then turned to him. He was holding a crude-looking cigarette, and I knew instantly what it was, although I'd never had any experience with it. It was marijuana.
"C'mon, let's light up," he chirped.
I smiled and fought back my fear. I wanted to try pot, but the whole scene kind of scared me. I knew so little about it. I wasn't sure what it would do to me, and I hadn't known Hal, my neighbor, long enough to trust him if something happened to me.
"Whassamatter?" he said. "Not interested?"
"No-I mean yes, I'm interested," I said. "There's matches over on the table...."
He walked over and lit the reefer. The smell was strong and acrid. He took a deep drag, then walked back and handed the joint to me. I inhaled it, and he told me to hold my breath, to keep the smoke in my lungs as long as possible so that I'd get the full effect. He showed me how to hold it, how to suck on it so that I could fill my lungs with it. In about three minutes I was high.
"How you feel, baby?" he grinned.
"Just fine, love," I said, my voice thick and my words tumbling out, "I feel like a newborn babe, baby!"
He laughed and grabbed me. His lips closed over mine, and his tongue snuck between my teeth. If I hadn't been high, I probably would've pushed him away. After all, I hardly knew him, and he was being very forward. But I let him kiss me, and before I knew it, I was returning the kiss, sticking my tongue into his mouth so that he could suck on it.
"Mmmmmm," he moaned. "You busy today?"
"Well, I was gonna go out and look for a job . ... "
"Tomorrow for that," he chucked.
He sat down on the couch and pulled me into his lap. I didn't resist. I felt so light and airy. I felt wonderful. And hot. He kissed me again, and I really turned on. I wore only a terrycloth robe, and his hands pushed it aside and dove for my pussy. When he touched me, it was if he had put a flame to me.
"Ohhh, yeahh, baby," he groaned. "You're so hot for it. And you like to do it, don't you?"
"Don't talk," I hissed. "Just make love to me."
I was in heaven. This was just what I wanted. A good-looking man falling over himself to take me to bed. We flopped onto the mattress after we had hopped out of our clothes, and he spread my legs and buried his head between my thighs. I closed them and gripped him tight. I can't tell you how wild it was to look down at him, his hair falling all over the place, his head twisting between my legs. I couldn't even see his face, but I could feel his tongue flicking against my cunt.
"Open your legs," he gasped, pulling them apart. "Open 'em wide. I wanna eat you....
I let my thighs yawn apart, and he dug in. Damn, but it felt good. I closed my eyes, and it seemed as I were falling through some gorgeous warmth. And the man knew how to eat pussy, too. His lips fastened themselves to my clitoris, and his tongue worked the tip of it until it was swollen with blood. That's when I really took off. I lifted my ass off the mattress and ground my pussy into his face. I could hear him grunting like a pig, wallowing in my cunt.
"Yesssss," I hissed. "Suck it for me, suck it so goooooooddd! Oooooooohhh....
I came, and I thought I'd faint. He was marvelous. And then I came again, and again. After each orgasm, he worked his face into my pussy, my vagina, licking and tasting my come. I imagined what he felt like, and I came again. I almost wanted to get down there and eat it myself. For the first time in my life, I was totally immersed in my sexuality, my sexual feelings. I was way into a scene I had wanted to experience all my life. Total feeling.
"So sweet!" I heard him murmur. "Such sweet, juicy pussy. Tastes so good...."
And then he was off me, and I wanted to curse him.
"Don't stop," I pleaded. "What are you doing?"
"Gonna fuck you!" he laughed. "Gonna fuck...." He was on his knees, working himself into position. I looked down and saw his dick. It looked beautiful, long and hard. My first prick. Beautiful. I wanted to suck it, but before I could, he took it in his hand and eased it into the lips of my vagina.
"Oh, damn!" I gulped. "Ohhhhhh, that feels good. Go ahead and shove it in. Oooooooooh!"
He worked the whole of that wonderful prick into my cunt, and then his hands slid beneath my buttocks and he was fucking me hard, driving it into me. I didn't know what to do, so I let him do all the work. I didn't worry about a thing. My high was sending me through all sorts of changes, and I felt like I was gonna zoom through the roof.
"Ohhhh, yeahhh," I groaned. "Fuck me! Ohhh, Gahhhhhhhhh "
I came, my fourth orgasm.
"Get ready, baby," he said. "I can't hold it back any more...."
His voice seemed to come to me from far off, but I understood what he said. I clamped my legs around him, and his dick pistoned into me. I relaxed, then jerked him into me, fucking him into me with quick in and out movements. Then I slowed him, and he groaned so loud, I thought his dick had fallen off.
"Yesssss, nowwwwwww!" he shrieked. "Ohhh, god! Take it, baby! Take it out of me!"
I jerked my pussy over his dick, and he erupted. That's the only way I can describe it-an eruption. His come was so hot, and it seemed to explode, volcanic. I hugged him to me, and we went over the edge together.
"Beautiful," he said, after he had moved off me.
I looked down at the mattress. The sheet was covered with blood.
"Wow!" he said. "You mean you were a virgin? And it didn't hurt at all?"
"No," I said. "No pain. I don't know why. But I knew it wouldn't hurt. I just knew it."
I didn't want to tell him that I jerked off a lot and that I used to stick things into my pussy. I was surprised to see any blood at all. I thought I had broken my hymen before, when I was fucking myself. I had bled, and I thought that when I had my first man, there wouldn't be any blood. But it didn't matter. I rolled up the sheets and put them in the sink, letting water run on them. I felt marvelous, weak and tranquil. Hal came up behind me.
"You got a beautiful body, you know that?" he said, fondling my tits.
I giggled.
"You mean, you want to get your dick in my pussy?"
"Yeah, baby. That's part of it...."
And then I felt him probing, trying to work his dick into me from behind.
"Lean forward on the sink," he said. "I gotta do something about this problem. I can't get rid of this hardon."
I laughed and did as he said. I felt him grope for my cunt, then felt his dick pierce it.
"Yeahhhh," I groaned. "I like it this way. Oooooh, I can feel you way up to my throat, I swear."
He pumped it into me, and I just leaned on the damn sink and enjoyed. A cockroach crawled out of a break in the plaster and scuttled across the top of the sink. I watched him, thinking that he didn't look ugly at all. I spread my legs wide, and Hal pushed his dick so far into me, I wanted to pull it off and keep it there.
"Gonna come, baby," he said.
"Yes, come," I answered. "Come! Ohhhhhh, Hal! Come in me! Come!"
He unloaded, and I shifted backwards, sucking at his dick with my cunt. I came, and the two of us staggered away from the sink when we were finished. We lay on the bare mattress, and he looked at me, rubbing my pussy with his hand.
"We gonna have lots of good times," he said. "You really love to fuck, don't you?"
"Couldn't you tell?"
"Yeah, sure. Listen, I got a friend who would love to meet you. Maybe we can get together."
He fished another joint out of his pants, and we smoked again. And again, I felt this overpowering sexuality take hold of me.
"Yeah, bring him over," I said. "We can have a party. Just the three of us."
"He's got a girlfriend. Maybe she'll come too."
We made a date for a week later, but two days before we were supposed to party, Hal came knocking on my door.
"Hi!" he chirped, pushing past me into the living room.
A young guy was with him, but the guy was definitely not of our scene. He was wearing a suit, and he looked very square. Not square, really. Just phony hip.
"Lemme talk to you for a minute," he said, after introducing his friend, who said his name was George.
We went into the bedroom, and he grabbed me by the arm and started whispering in my ear.
"Listen, the guy wants to make it with you," he said. "He's already paid me thirty dollars. I'll give you fifteen. Just let him have a quickie. Don't bother with him. He's a jerk, and he likes to pay for it."
He didn't give me a chance to tell him that I thought the whole scene was disgusting. He just pulled me by the arm, and we went back into the living room. George was standing by the door, looking very uncomfortable.
"Well, I'll be moving along now," Hal said, his voice nauseously patronizing. "You and Gina get to know each other. See you, Gina."
And then he was gone.
George just stared at me. I guess he expected me to take my clothes off and bring him into the bedroom. Which was what I decided to do.
"I guess we better get on with it, eh, George?" I teased.
He blushed. He actually blushed. He was about twenty-eight, and that sort of thing should have been well behind him, but I guessed George had some serious problems with his mind.
"C'mon," I said, pulling my robe apart and flipping it into the chair. "Let's go find someplace to lie down . ... "
His eyes bugged, and he flicked his tongue along his lower lip as he looked at me. I felt good, standing there naked. I closed one hand over a tit, and he started to undress.
"That's it," I said, feeling wicked. "Take your clothes off, George. That's the way to do it."
I don't know why I wanted to hurt him. I know I felt degraded, lonely. I was a whore, and that made me sick. I never imagined I'd ever do anything like that, but I didn't have any money to speak of, and I needed bread. Besides, I felt like fucking. Why not get paid for it?
"Take your shorts off, too, George," I said. "Let me see your prick."
He just stood there, like a statue somebody had carted into my apartment.
"Well?" I said.
He grimaced, then peeled his shorts off. I looked at his dick. It was tiny, only a stub. I couldn't believe my eyes. I hoped he didn't have a hardon.
"Don't look at me like that," he growled, and suddenly I realized I was playing with explosives.
"C'mon," I said, feeling like a real whore. "Come give Mama a big, fat kiss...."
That turned him on. He moved quickly across the room, and when he grabbed me, his hands closed over my buttocks and his mouth clamped onto mine. I started to get excited, then lost it. He was too clumsy, too eager. His teeth cracked against mine, and his tongue whipped through my mouth. He wasn't right, wasn't seductive. And then I realized that all whores have the same reaction to their customers. He disgusted me. I wanted to tell him to get out. But Hal had his money, and Hal was gone.
"Ummmm, you feel so bad!" the guy gasped.
"Bad?"
"Yeah. Evil...."
The guy's a freak, I thought. Be careful. Make it fast.
We went into the bedroom, and I tried to get him into me. But his dick wouldn't get up. He started gasping, and I realized that he was panicking.
"Suck it," he said. "That'll do it."
I wanted to hit him in the head with a hammer. "No," I said.
"Yes." He grabbed my head and forced it down. "And if you hurt me, I'll kill you, I swear."
I didn't know whether he was bluffing or not, and I didn't intend to find out. I took his dick between my lips and sucked. It tasted terrible, rancid and bitter. I nearly gagged. But he wouldn't let me up. Slowly, his prick began to grow, and when it was hard, I stuffed it in my pussy. He came instantly, then got up and left. I lay there cursing him, cursing Hal, cursing myself.
[Note: In her search for her identity, Gina has experienced both exultation and degradation. She has let it be known that she will try anything, and now Hal has used her for his own purposes. With each incident, her identity shifts, changes. Now she feels like a prostitute, while before she felt like a woman who could enjoy sex immensely. With George, sex disgusted her, as did her behavior. Her mistake lies in the fact that she is basing her identity on superficial incidents, rather than on solid experience, which could be related in some way to a philosophy.]
When Hal got back, I ranted and raved, but he just ignored me. Finally, we got into bed and fucked the night away. I got so high, I thought I'd never come down.
The next morning, I felt terrible, like my soul was sick. Hal lay next to me, still asleep. The sheet had slipped off his body, and as I stared at him, this nauseous feeling began to spread through me. He seemed so ugly, so disgusting. I wanted to get up and run away from him. I didn't know what to do. So I rolled a reefer and smoked it. But that didn't help. It made it worse, and I started crying, bawling like a baby. Hal didn't even wake up. I cried myself out, my body shaking like it was gonna fall apart.
"Mornin', baby," Hal said when he woke up.
"Yeah, sure," I said. "Good mornin'...."
"What's the matter with you?" he asked.
I just laughed. "Nothin'," I said. "I'm in the pink. Don't worry about me. I'm fine."
He gave me a funny look, and I stared at him.
He ate breakfast and left. I don't know where he went. He never tells me. He was gone for two days, and something happened to my mind. I seemed to float away from the world, to become detached from everything. I didn't miss Hal, and I didn't fear his returning. I sat around the apartment, glancing at a book, listening to some music, getting high. And when Hal came back, he just went about his own business. He fucked me that night, but it didn't affect me one way or the other. It was as if he had made love to another woman, not me. When he was through, I got up and washed, then sat looking out the window. It was beginning to get cold outside, and the sky looked very bare and cold. I felt so lonely.
And then I met Myra.
Hal brought her home with him one day, and at first I thought she was his mistress or something. But she was just a friend, someone who helped him deal pot. She was beautiful, slim, but with a good body. And her face was entrancing, especially her eyes. When I first looked at her, it was as though we slipped into each other's bodies, each other's souls.
Hal left us alone, and we talked about life; you know, one of those soul conversations. We really hit it off beautifully. I gave her some smoke, and we both felt like a million dollars. When Hal came back, she left, but she promised to return the next day.
That night, Hal didn't bother making love to me. He just fell out, and I lay on the mattress thinking about Myra. I imagined what she would look like nude. Her magnificent body, glowing and smooth. And then I let my mind go. I imagined touching her, kissing her. I moved my hand to my clitoris, and I masturbated. I thought of her, and I brought myself to a climax. When I was finished, I broke out in a cold sweat. I didn't know what was happening to me. Why would a woman excite me so much? Was I losing my mind completely?
She came the next day at noon, and we sat by the window talking.
"I dreamed about you last night," I said.
"Oh, really. What did you dream?"
"That I made love to you...."
Her eyebrows lifted, and she sucked hard on her cigarette. The smoke drifted upward, and I stared at her, wondering whether she would be mad.
"Well, this looks like the beginning of something new," she murmured, smiling.
I couldn't believe my ears. She knew exactly what I was talking about, without my having to spell it out for her. I sat there like a mummy, my body heavy and full of excitement. I felt so weak, I thought I was going to pass out or something.
"You're very sexy, Gina," she said, moving out of her chair to stand beside me. "I wanted you the first moment I saw you. I know what Hal is like "
That last sentence was a beauty. I know what Hal is like! Right there, I figured I had nothing to lose.
"Come on," Myra purred. "Let's go into the bedroom. That's what you want, isn't it?"
I didn't bother answering. I just got up and let her lead me onto the mattress. We had just smoked, and I was feeling real good. She unbuttoned my blouse and parted it. My heart was beating like crazy.
"Ummmmm," she moaned, gazing at my tits like they were some kind of fruit ready to eat. "I knew they'd look beautiful. So full and firm...."
It seemed strange to hear that kind of talk from a woman, but since I'd never heard it from a man, I was grateful. Myra leaned forward, and I slipped my arms around her neck and pulled her face into the valley between my breasts. I wasn't wearing a bra, and the heat of her breath felt so good on my skin. Her tongue slid along the surface of one tit, then moved to the nipple.
"Yeahhhhh," she groaned, pushing me back onto the mattress. "Just relax, honey. This is going to be good."
I was a believer. I just lay there and let her run the show. I didn't give a damn if Hal came in and found us. I figured I had nothing to lose.
"Do you like this?" Myra asked.
Her tongue was sliding over my nipple, and she sucked my tit into her mouth, then let it ease out.
"Yessssss," I whispered. "Don't stop. It feels marvelous. It's been so long. I've wanted this so bad...."
That kind of talk must've turned her on, 'cause she really went wild. Her hands tore at my clothes, and when I was nude, she knelt and ran her tongue down my breasts and belly to my pussy. I lay there quivering like a bowl of jelly. Her tongue felt so warm and wet.
"I'm gonna kiss you there," she gasped, moving her tongue between my thighs. "Do you want me to?"
I realized then that she dug talking about it. That didn't bother me. "Go ahead and do it," I said, anxious to feel her eating me. "Suck my pussy! Oooooooooohhhh...."
Her tongue snuck into my vagina, and I lifted my hips and worked them against her face. She was whining like a kitten, and my Head seemed to float free, like a cloud. It was fantastic! Her lips nibbled at my clitoris, her tongue stroking it, slow and even. She was good! Real good....
"Ooooooooohhhh," I moaned. "That feels so nice. So warm and wonderful...."
I wanted to make sure she knew that I loved what she was doing to me. Her hands spread my legs wide, and her head burrowed against me. It seemed as though she was attacking me, and I dug it.
"So sweet," she murmured, her voice husky. "Your cunt tastes so sweet. Just like candy...."
Her hands reached up for my tits, and she squeezed them hard. That did it. I went off, and she knew it. Her tongue slashed against my clit, flicking over it again and again. She was with me, all the way. She knew I was coming, and she worked me higher and higher, never relenting. I thought I had reached an apex at one point, but the minute my orgasm subsided, she was at me again, driving, pushing.
I came three or four times before she really sent me on a trip. I don't remember exactly what happened, although I know I started crying, because when it was over, my face was wet with tears. That's how good she made it for me. She told me later that she wanted to do it even more, but that my legs scissored, and I pulled away from her, babbling like a baby. Well, I believe her. She was outta sight....
"Now do me," she murmured as I came down out of the sky.
She took her clothes off, and I reached for her. My mind was dull, and I didn't think twice about making love to a woman. It seemed very natural at the time.
"Just a minute," she said, sliding away and getting to her feet. "Lemme smoke again...."
She went into the living room and picked up the bag of marijuana. "Got any paper?" she asked.
I looked at her disgustedly. She had ruined what could have been a beautiful moment. But what else can you expect from a pothead? Smoke comes first. They've got to have it, like addicts need shit.
"Use the pipe," I said. "It's on the kitchen table. By the bread...."
She walked out of sight, and soon I smelled the acrid pot fumes. They must've stunk up the whole damn building. It worried me, the way Hal and his friends just smoked without burning incense or using bathroom spray. I was afraid somebody would freak out, and we'd get busted. Some old people lived in the building, and I figured they might get mad and tell the cops about the smell.
"Mmmmmmmmm," Myra cooed as she came back into the bedroom. "That's good smoke. I feel so nice...."
"Yeah," I said. "Sure you do. That's good. Why don't you stick a needle in your arm and break your brain?"
She laughed, amused by my moodiness.
"No, not me, honey," she said, kneeling to fondle my tits. "I ain't ever gonna use heroin. That's the end. I'll use a gun first."
I turned my face away from her. I felt so sad. I thought I had found something beautiful with her, but she was acting just like a man, just like Hal.
[Note: Clearly, Gina's sexual experimentation is an outgrowth of her alienation from her parents and her lover. She mistakenly equates sex with love, thinking that fulfillment in bed means contentment in life. As first Hal, and then Myra, disappoint her, she becomes more zealous in her search. She feels that she has committed herself and that she cannot give up. She is desperately lonely, and she will do anything to fill the void.] "I'm sorry," she said, sliding her hand between my legs. "I didn't mean to-"
CHAPTER ONE
"Never mind," I interrupted. "Just make love to me. Please make love to me...."
She dropped her head, and I felt her tongue there again. It was probing and hot. I leaned back, supporting my weight on my hands, and watched her work her tongue into me.
"Mmmmmmm," she moaned. "Yes, let me love you. I love you. I do...."
Bullshit, I thought. I knew she was full of shit. And as I sat there watching her eat me, I knew that I was going to kill myself. I wasn't sure when the happy moment would occur, but I was looking forward to it.
"Oooooh, I could crawl inside you," Myra gasped, driving her mouth against my pussy.
I pushed her away and went down on her. Hell, if I was gonna be gay, let me be gay! She moaned and let her legs yawn open. I knew that this was the moment she had been waiting for. I guessed she was bisexual but that she dug women more than men. She yelped and cried, and I ate her as best as I could.
"Yes, yes, yessss!" she cried. "You do it good! You're so lovely, such a doll...."
She rambled on and on the whole time I did it to her, and I have to admit, she spurred me on. I felt like a madwoman, sucking her like I wanted to take the life out of her. She was soft and ripe, and her pussy was clean. I didn't have to push past any stench. She had put perfume on her cunt, and it smelled lovely. r "I'm coming," she moaned. "I'm gonna come!
Ohhhhhhhhh, yesssss! ..
I felt her body twitch and writhe, felt the orgasm twist from her. She was like a wild animal, and I came just making her come. We had a grand old time. I really didn't want to take my head from between her legs. I wanted to die, wanted to bury myself there. Hah! How's that for a death wish? Buried alive in a mountain of pussy! Yeah....
"When can I see you again?" I said to her as she left.
"I don't know," she answered, not even looking at me.
"What do you mean, you don't know. What kind of shit is that? Who the hell do you think you are?"
She was trying to fuck around with me, just like Hal. She knew that I needed her, wanted her, and she had decided to play it cute. I hated her.
"Well, I guess I can see you Friday. I'm going to be busy until then," she said. "I've got to-"
"Forget it, bitch! Get the hell out!"
I pushed her out the door like I was a bouncer. She cursed me, but I didn't bother answering her. She made me sick. She thought she was so cute....
I went back into the bedroom and lay on the mattress. It was wet, and I could smell our juices on it. My stomach heaved, and I thought I was gonna throw up. I think I should have. It would have cleaned me out. But I fought it back, and when I was steady, I got to my feet and staggered into the bathroom. I thought of one thing, and I could see it etched on my mind-the razor blades. I grabbed one, and my stomach flipped again. But I didn't vomit. That would have been best, but I got under control again and picked up the blades, sliding one out of the package.
"Now is the time," I said aloud. "Now ..
I was playing the scene for all I was worth. I wanted to go out dramatically, like I had an audience. I thought about writing a last letter and leaving it for Hal but decided to skip it. He wasn't worth the trouble.
"Finally," I remember murmuring. "Finally...."
That kind of talk must make you sick, eh, Doc? You probably hear this shit every day. But you told me you wanted to hear everything, all the details, so I'm giving you the whole scene. That's the way I talked. I talked like I was crazy, like I was playing out some movie part. It made it bearable, even beautiful. I felt like the dying rose, neglected and lonely.
I slashed the blade across one wrist, and then the other. I wanted to cut deep, but I guess my heart wasn't in it. The blood didn't gush out, it sort of oozed. I sat down on the floor and rested my head against the edge of the tub. A cockroach came out and scurried up to my leg, then rushed to the side and disappeared in a crack in the floor. When my mind returned to what I was doing, I realized I didn't want to do it.
I started sweating, and my heart beat like a drum. But I figured it was too late to do anything about it. I had cut my wrists because I wanted to die. And I wanted to die for very good reasons. The reasons would still be there when I got back from the hospital, if I called an ambulance.
I became very weak, and I remember thinking, So this is how it feels to die....
When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I couldn't figure it out. And then Hal came in, looking very concerned. I started crying, and he brushed his palm against my face. That woke me up.
"Get out," I said, my tone flat.
"What?"
The nurse was standing next to him, and her eyes widened. I guess she expected some sort of Ben Casey dialogue.
"Get the hell out," I said. "Don't come back. I don't ever want to see your shit-eating face again....
His eyes flashed, and he blushed. He was embarrassed! What a fool he was!
"All right," he said, sounding very determined yet resigned. "All right..
He turned on his heel and stalked out. Hurrah! Wonderfully played. I loved him for it.
"Do you think you should have done that?" the nurse said, also looking concerned.
She had that scrubbed appearance, very antiseptic. I figured she lived with her roommate in some furnished apartment, one of those places that convinces girls to become nurses, so they won't have to live in a hole like I did.
"You get out too," I said.
Her eyes got even bigger. I thought they were gonna drop into my lap.
"All right," she said softly. "The doctor will-" This time I screamed it. "Get out!"
You should have seen her bustle out of that room. I mean, she really made time. So much for that Florence Nightingale shit. I saw the doctor later and gave him a hard time too. That's why he sent me to you. He thinks I'm crazy....
REMARKS: Gina now seems anxious to continue therapy, and I think that she will make good progress. She realizes that she must overcome some serious neuroses but that a worthwhile life is still within her reach.
CHAPTER FIVE
PATIENT: Gary S., seventeen.
REMARKS: A frail-looking boy with delicate features, Gary seems extremely unsure of himself. He had great difficulty expressing himself, and I had to give him constant encouragement. The following transcript was pieced together from several of his sessions.
GARY: I've always been a timid guy. My mother divorced my father when I was young, and when she remarried, I was cast in with my stepfather's kids. There were three of them, and I hated them. They were cruel and vindictive, just like their old man. And when my mother died, I just couldn't live with them, or him. So I took off.
I went to Aunt Pamela's apartment, over on Park Avenue around 90th Street. It was a fabulous place. The doorman wouldn't let me in until I identified myself and told him who I wanted to see. Then he picked up the phone and called my aunt. I mean, she's not really my aunt. She was just a good friend of my mother's long ago, when my father was alive. But my mother didn't have any sisters, and neither did my dad, so Pamela became Aunt Pamela.
"There's a boy down here wants to come up," the doorman said to her.
He gave her my name, then said okay, he'd let me in.
"Go ahead," he said, disappointed that he couldn't turn me away. "It's 3-B."
I brushed by him and pushed the elevator button. While I waited for it to come down, I stared at him, giving him this snotty look, like I knew how low he was. He glared at me, then turned his head and stuffed his hands in his coat. The bastard....
When I knocked on Aunt Pamela's door, I felt very nervous. I hadn't seen her in years, and I was afraid she wouldn't recognize me, much less be glad to see me. The door opened, and I gawked at her. She looked gorgeous. She was wearing some filmy nightgown, and she looked much younger than I thought she was. I figured her for about forty, but she looked like she was twenty-something. She looked great. Real sexy.
"Come in, Alan," she said, seeming real glad to see me.
I eased past her, getting a whiff of her perfume.
My dick did a little double take when I glanced down her front. Her tits weren't very well concealed. I couldn't help but stare at them.
"What in the world are you doing in the city?" she asked, giving me this coy smile.
I think she noticed me appraising her figure. And I think it pleased her.
"I ran away," I explained. "I couldn't take it any more, living with that idiot stepfather and his idiot kids."
She chuckled and took my arm. She pressed close, and we went into the living room. She moved easily, and her body seemed so soft and warm. I wasn't a stranger to sex. I'd fucked once with this chick. I mean, she spread her legs for about six guys, and I just happened to be one of them. I was scared shit just before I fucked her. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get it up. But watching her screw with three of the other guys turned me on. She was built like my aunt, I mean, Pamela-big tits and a smooth, cock-teasing body. When one of the guys stuck it in her, she giggled closed her legs around him. When it came my turn, I found that my dick was plenty hard. I let her find her cunt with it, then pushed. I didn't last long, but she didn't care. The more, the better. I got off, and somebody replaced me. About fifteen minutes later, I fucked her again, and it was really good. From that time on, I considered myself a man.
[Note: In searching for an identity in his divided home, Gary has used sex to compose that identity. Anxious to feel free from the dominating influence of his stepfather and his children, he labels himself a man after one incident involving a girl and several other boys. He needs the assurance that comes with being a man, for he must face the fears of running away from home. Of course, his conception of himself as a man is very shallow and has little strength.]
"Would you like a drink?" my aunt asked me.
I didn't know what to say. She surprised me, asking me if I wanted some booze. I considered myself a man, but I didn't expect it of her.
"Sure," I said. "Thanks...."
"What'll you have?"
Now, there was a good question. I wasn't what you'd call a heavy drinker. I remember that I'd had two drinks before in my life. Both were Scotch, on the rocks.
"Scotch," I said, trying to sound smooth. "On the rocks."
She smiled and swished out to the kitchen. I watched her hips roll as she walked. Damn, she was sexy! My own aunt!
When she came back, she handed me a glass brimming with booze. I took a sip and nearly coughed. The whole time, she was turning me on with this quiet smile. My dick started to swell as we sat there talking. I told her my story, adding that I came to her because I didn't know anybody else. I remembered that she'd been my mother's best friend, and I hoped she'd be able to help me.
"Of course," she said. "I'm glad you came to me. You can stay here, if you like. And don't worry about a thing. I'll take care of you. You won't have to go back with those awful people. I'm not going to let them get their hooks into you again. I told Marge she was crazy for marrying that man...." Marge was my mother, and that man is my stepfather.
"Well, it's late," Pamela said finally, "and I've got some business tomorrow. I've got to get up early. Why don't I take you to your room?"
My room? Fantastic! I didn't expect anything like this. I figured I'd be sleeping on the couch at best. But Pamela's apartment was huge, and when I saw my room, I flipped. The bed was enormous. And there was a carpet on the floor, from wall to wall! I shucked my shoes and socks off and walked in the deep pile. It felt like I sank in up to my ankles. The room was really great, expensive-looking. I wondered how she could afford it. When she had known my mother, she was poor, just like us. Then she moved to the city, and that was the last we heard from her, except for Christmas cards. That's how I got her address. She always sent me a card.
"Now, you just make yourself at home," she purred. "Get undressed and go to bed. Watch television if you want. Make yourself at home...."
"Home was never like this," I chirped.
"You're darling," she said and leaned forward to kiss me goodnight.
I expected one of those peck-on-the-cheek kisses, but I didn't get one. She took me gently by both arms and kissed me full on the mouth. Her tongue flicked gently against my lips, and my blood boiled.
The kiss combined with the fragrance of that perfume did great things to me. I wanted to grab her and really give her a soul kiss. There were a lot of things I wanted to do to her.
"You're cute," she giggled, stepping back.
I must've been all shades of red. She turned and left, and I got in bed and jerked off. I imagined her soft body under me, my dick working into her cunt, and my come just gushed out. I was really hot. I wanted her.
When I woke up the next day, she was right beside me, sitting on the side of the bed with that nightgown gaping open. She had shaken me gently, and when I came out of it, I realized that I wasn't covered, and I was nude. I always slept naked, and my dick-was kinda hard. I got the feeling she had sat staring at me before she woke me, and my prick got harder. I pulled at the sheet, trying to cover myself. She pretended like she hadn't even noticed the fact that my cock was flying free as a flag.
"I've got to be going now," she said. "I just wanted to look in on you and see that you were all right during the night. Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah, I was okay," I blubbered, my eyes drifting from her face to her tits, to her thighs, and back to her face.
"Good," she said. "I'll be back in about two hours. Make yourself something to eat. There's plenty in the refrigerator. Eat well...."
She got up and left, and I jerked off again. Shit, but my Aunt Pamela had me horny as hell! I cooked some bacon and eggs after she had left, then watched a movie on television. A bad movie. When she returned, she was with a friend.
"Gary, this is Adele," she said.
I smiled at Adele. She smiled back. I know she smiled because her mouth moved. I was busy checking out the rest of her, and there was a lot to check out. She looked about eighteen, and she wore a miniskirt with a tight, tight sweater. Man, she was packed, really built. My aunt had long, flowing blonde hair. Adele's was black and cut short. She had a pouting look about her, and I wanted to pull her aside and put my dick in her mouth.
"Can you stay awhile?" Pamela said to her.
"No, I'm afraid not," she answered, returning my gaze.
Man, I was really messed up. I mean, this chick comes out of nowhere, and now she's leaving just as quick.
"All right," Pamela said, moving to the door. "But do come up and visit sometime. We should talk...."
"Yes, certainly," Adele said, and her voice was sugary beautiful. "Maybe later this week."
"Let's make it definitely Thursday, for lunch," my aunt said firmly.
"All right," and she was gone.
Pamela closed the door and looked at me.
"Who was she?" I asked.
She smiled. "You liked her?"
"No. I hated her. She was ugly. I feel sorry for her. Who was she?"
"Just a friend. And a business associate."
I wanted to ask what sort of business my aunt was in, but I figured it was none of my business, so to speak.
"She was groovy," I said. "I'd like to spend a little time with her...."
"You're so sweet," my aunt chuckled. "You wouldn't know what to do with her even if you were alone with her."
"Just give me a chance...."
She turned and gave me this appraising look. I felt like I was being examined for possible auction.
"Oh, really?" she said.
I didn't reply. We ate lunch, and then she gave me a duplicate set of keys for the apartment.
"Now you can come and go as you want," she said.
"I'm not going anywhere."
I got up and went to my room. I undressed and headed toward the shower. The bedroom door opened, and there stood Aunt Pamela. She was carrying two drinks, and she didn't seem to be at all affected by the fact that I was nude.
"This is for you," she cooed, coming toward me, one drink outstretched.
1 took a few gulps, and she moved closer.
"How does it feel?" she asked.
"Good," I said. "Nice and warm...."
"Mmmmmmm...."
I don't know how it happened, but suddenly we were kissing, and then her hand was on my prick. It swelled, and she squeezed it. She was breathing very heavily, and I bent to kiss her neck. Her perfume hypnotized me, made me high. She pressed closer, and I slipped my free hand around her waist.
"Oooooh, Gary, she mewed. "You're so fresh...."
"You like 'em that way?" I asked.
"Yes, dear. Now drink up "
I downed the booze, and my head felt light. The glasses dropped to the floor, and she came against me, her mouth open, her eyes closed. I kissed her hard, letting my tongue slide into that sweet, hot mouth. She sucked at my tongue, her body writhing against me. Her belly teased my cock, and I thought I was gonna come right then. I yanked at her gown, and it fell. She stood there in bra, panties, and high heels. God, she looked fantastic! Like something out of the centerfold of a men's magazine. A wet dream in the flesh.
"Jesus...." was the only sound I made.
And then I realized that I wasn't as confident as I thought I was. I felt nervous, and my head started to spin. I didn't know what to do. My dick deflated like air was going out of it, but my aunt, bless her, fixed that.
"Come here and take the rest of these things off me," she said in that soft voice.
I stepped closer, and she turned, so that her back was towards me. I fumbled with her brassiere, finally tugging the thing off. She hissed and leaned back.
"Feel," she said. "Feel them...."
I eased my arms under her and grabbed a tit in each hand. They were enormous, juicy and white. I rubbed my palms over the nipples. She moaned and rolled her hips, her ass caressing my prick.
"Ooooooh, Alan," she cooed. "You don't know what you're doing to me...."
She knew what she was doing to me, I'll say that. My cock was iron hard, and I thought it would burst, the way she was working that soft ass of hers over it. The feel of her panties made it even more exciting.
"Take the rest off," she gasped. "My panties, take 'em off. Ohhhh, I want you so bad...."
I knelt and worked the panties over her buttocks, then down her thighs and off. She turned and grinned down at me. She looked like a goddess, standing over me, and I would've done anything she wanted, anything, as long as I got into that fantastic pussy of hers. It was golden, glistening and hot.
"You're such a good boy," she said, pulling my face forward. "Such a good boy...."
I realized what she wanted, and my tongue drove against her cunt. She gasped, then arched her body, lifting up on her toes so that I had greater access to her steaming pussy. And I mean, man, that it was steaming! Shit, but she was hot! Could've fogged my glasses, if I'd worn glasses.
"Mmmmmmm, yessss, that's just it," she murmured, twisting my head as I sucked her. "Oooooohhhh, right there...."
I could taste her come now, and I couldn't believe how delicious it tasted, like some sweet juice.
She threw her head back and shook her hair, her long, silvery-blonde hair. She was really into it, and I was really into her. It smelled musky, but I dug the smell.
"Oh, c'mon," she groaned after several minutes. "Let's lie down. I can't stand it any more."
She staggered over to the bed and eased onto it. I was on her like a fucking wolf. I sucked her tits, first one, then the other. They were so big, I could take one in both hands and work the nipple between my lips. They were huge, monstrously fleshy. I loved 'em. She was twisting around on the bed like a bitch in heat, and I guess that's what she was. Shit....
"Oh, Gary!" she gasped. "Ohhhhh...."
I worked my way down her belly, and she lifted her legs and let them fall apart. I dove into her snatch and feasted. I loved it, and she wriggled her cunt over my face, letting me taste all of her. Then she spread the folds of flesh away from her clitoris and pulled my lips onto it.
"Suck that!" she cried. "Just that! Just do as I say! Please!"
I grabbed hold of it and did as directed. She went out of her mind. She lifted her ass off the bed and shoved her hands in my hair. I heard her moaning and groaning, and her sounds echoed mine. I was in another world. I couldn't leave her cunt. I wanted to fuck her, and I knew I would, but if I couldn't, I would have gladly lain there and eaten that pussy as long as my strength lasted. I don't know how many times she came. It was plenty. I thought I had come, the way I was grinding my cock against the bedsheet.
"Ohhhh, God, that's enough!" she moaned finally, pushing me out of her cunt.
I got to my knees, and she pulled me onto my back. I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't have long to wait before I found out. Her head dipped, her long hair cascading down over my belly, and her lips closed about my dick. Well, Doc, what can I say? She sucked me like it was the end of the world. I just tripped out, lying there while she worked that fantastic mouth of hers over my dick. Finally, I couldn't hold back any more, and I fucked my prick into her mouth, jerking my hips, my cock sliding between her lips like a piston.
"Ohhhh, yeahhhhh!" I shrieked as I came. "Gahhhhhhhh!"
Man, she sucked every last drop out of my prick. I mean it. Every last, damn drop. I couldn't believe it, and when we were finished, I just lay there like I'd been shot.
"Ever had that done to you?" she asked.
I shook my head.
"Good. Then I'll spoil you "
She turned me over and started licking my ass, driving her tongue between my buttocks. Before I knew it, I was stiff again.
"On your back!" she snapped, and I obeyed.
She straddled my prick, then took it in her hand, guiding it into her pussy. I can hardly describe the look on her face when it jammed up into her. Maniacal might be the best word. She was in seventh heaven, that's all I know. And I was right there with her, 'cause she fucked me like I never dreamed possible. Her body rose, then settled on my dick, and as she fucked me, the pace picked up, until I was clawing at the sheet like a psycho.-I opened my eyes and saw those enormous jugs of hers tossing about. I grabbed two handfuls and let her take me on a ride.
"Now!" she shouted. "Come now! Make it now, Gary! Uhhhhh, nowwwwwww!"
I came and she joined me. We went out of our minds, pleasantly, and body and soul were together again, she was lying next to me, her tits heaving as she struggled to gain her breath.
"Christ!" I gasped, letting my head rest between those melon-like breasts. "That was fantastic! Outta sight!"
She ran a hand through my hair, which was soaking wet. "Yes it was, wasn't it?" she said coyly.
Then we got up and went into the shower. I soaped her body, letting my hands slide over the slippery, voluptuous flesh. She leaned forward and closed her eyes, and I got down on my knees again and ate her, soap and all. She nearly keeled over, but she grabbed the shower door and steadied herself. Her body shook, and I knew she was coming. I put everything I had into it, and when she let fly with an inhuman shriek, I knew she had gotten the kick she wanted. I was desperate to satisfy her at that point. I didn't want to ruin anything, so that she would turn away from me. I needed her bad.
[Note: Pamela's passion feeds Alan's, and his performance once again proves that he is potent, that, in his mind, he is a man. He is now caught up in a dangerous web. He must depend on his mother's friend for the fuel to feed his ego. He allows her to wield a great deal of power.]
We had dinner later, and she sat staring at me. "What are you thinking about?" I asked.
"How good you are in bed for such a young boy."
I didn't like the word "boy," but I didn't bother to argue the point. "Thanks," I said. "You bring out the best in me."
"I feel like a very lucky woman. You don't know how many women out there would love to have you around, so they could get the kind of thrills I get. I must say, you're exceptional."
"Look out, I may get a big head."
"You'll do fine with just a big dick!"
I wasn't sure what she meant by that. ... "Listen," she said. "Adele is coming up tonight. Shall we have a party?"
My mind's eye pictured the inviting curves of Adele's young body, and I said, yes, by all means.
"She's a dancer," Pamela continued. "I think she'll like dancing for you."
What next? I thought.
Adele showed up exactly at eight. She was wearing next to nothing, a red, shiny micro dress, and that suited the occasion. My aunt turned on the stereo after we had downed a few drinks, and Adele got up as if on cue. She could really dance, too. My dick got so hard I thought it would poke a hole through my damn pants.
"Dance with her," Pamela suggested, and I got up.
I wasn't much of a dancer, but I didn't need to be. Adele got up close, and before I knew it, she was grinding that flat belly of hers over my cock. Her eyes were on fire, and she twisted and squirmed like a snake.
"Yeah, baby!" I shouted through the haze. "Go! Go!"
She grabbed the hem of her dress and lifted. The dress went over her head, and she was nude, her tits flopping as she jerked and wormed against me. I reached for them, and she hissed as I closed a hand over each of them. She leaned forward, and I kissed her, driving my tongue against hers. Christ, I was hot! What the hell was happening!
"Ohhh, fuck me!" she gasped, sliding her hand over my dick. "Fuck meeeeeeeee!"
I didn't waste any time. I realized that my aunt was sitting there watching, but I didn't give a damn. What she saw couldn't hurt us. I took my dick out of my pants and, without bothering to undress, powered it into her. She arched her back, and her legs clamped about my back.
"Mmmmmmmmmmm, that's goooooooood!" she groaned. "Mmmmmm...."
I fucked it into her with slow, strong strokes, and she ate it up. We slid into a groove, her hips working against me in rhythm with my thrusts. I turned my head and saw Pamela sitting there cool as ice. I wondered what in hell she could've been thinking, then turned back to the business at hand.
I came, and her cunt latched on to my cock. The lips of her vagina tightened, and she sucked the come out of me. I gritted my teeth and let her pussy do its lovely work. When we were finished, I slid off her, my body slick with sweat. That was when I noticed Pamela moving toward us. She had an ugly-looking whip in her hand, and she had changed into an odd costume-a black corset and high-heeled, hip-length boots. Adele screamed, but my aunt ignored her, raising the whip and snapping the lashes across Adele's lush buttocks.
"Oh, no!" Adele shrieked. "Oh, no! It hurts too much! Oh, God! Stop! Stop!"
But Pamela just kept whipping the shit out of her. Adele's body twisted and writhed on the floor, and she tried to scoot away from the stinging lashes, but Pamela stayed right on top of her, bringing the whip down harder and harder.
And then Adele's screams turned to moans. She arched her back, thrusting her body up to meet the blows.
"Ohhhh, hit me!" she groaned. "Yesssss, hurt meeeeeee! I'm so bad! Ohhhh, yesss, Pamela! Beat meeeee!"
I couldn't believe my ears. Why the hell would anybody want to take the kind of treatment my aunt was dishing out? I figured Adele must be messed up in the head. That was the only explanation. But how did my aunt know this? It occurred to me that I had joined a party that had been going on for quite some time.
"Ooooooohhh, Pamela!" Adele was whimpering. "That's it! Yes, yes, yes!"
Her shouts punctuated the sharp descent of the whip. Sweat glistened on her body, and her face reflected her ecstasy. I began to feel slightly sick, and I considered leaving. But I was backed up against the wall, and I just stood there watching the strange scene.
Finally, Pamela tired, and Adele turned to me.
"Oh, Alan!" she pleaded. "Please, Alan. Don't leave me now. Don't leave "
"Go to her," my aunt commanded, her voice very stem.
I went toward the young woman, and I felt my dick swell as I looked down at her juicy body. When all was said and done, she was a doll, no doubt about it. And I wanted to fuck her. Badly.
"Yes, yes," she moaned as I got atop her.
Her legs opened, and I worked my cock into her cunt. She was so hot, I thought my damn dick would melt. Christ, but she was hot! That whipping really must've turned her on.
"Oooooh, that feels so goood!" she yelped, and I pumped my prick into her.
And then I felt something rip across my back. It stung like hell, and when I looked up, I saw my aunt towering over us, the whip raised for another blow.
"Hey! What the hell!" I protested.
But the lashes slashed across my ass again, and I started to get up. Adele refused to let me loose, closing her legs about my back. She was strong as hell, incredibly strong, and I couldn't free myself. Meanwhile, the whip continued to descend, and Adele's cries scared the hell out of me.
"Hurt us!" she implored my aunt. "Whip us, please! Please, make it hurt!"
I wanted to strangle her. The damn bitch was out of her mind. And then I felt her come. My dick wasn't very hard, but it didn't have to be. . It wasn't my prick that drove her over the edge; it was that whip. Her body writhed and jerked, and I knew that she was really having herself a ball.
"Eeeeeeeee," she wailed, sounding like a banshee. "Ahhhhhhhh...."
Finally, I crawled off her and sat glaring at my aunt. Adele got, dressed and headed toward the door. She reached inside her purse, pulling out several large bills. She handed them to Pamela.
"Thanks," she whispered. "He was fantastic! We've got to do it again, real soon."
Realizing that I was overhearing these words, my aunt murmured something and herded the girl out the door.
"So you made her pay for it, eh?" I asked caustically. "What's my cut?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, c'mon now. I saw her give you the money, and I heard what she said. Why pretend?"
"All right," Pamela said coolly. "That's what happened. Any objections?"
I stared at her for a moment. Sure, I had some objections. But I didn't dare voice them. I knew now that Pamela was a very strange woman and that she'd put me out in a minute if I gave her any trouble.
"No, I got nothing to say," I murmured. "Now what do we do?"
"We stay in business."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that there are a lot of women who will pay you very handsomely for your attentions. I know them, and I'll send them to you. They aren't ugly. You'll enjoy yourself. We'll split sixty-forty. Sixty for me-"
I didn't dig the rates.
"Why not sixty for me?" I said. "After all, I could take care of business on my own. If they want me, they don't need you."
"Go ahead and try it," she smiled. "You'll get nowhere. They're paying me for discretion. They're willing to part with a hundred, two hundred, even three hundred dollars if they're guaranteed secrecy. They've got too much to lose to take in some kid off the streets."
I could see her point.
"Okay," I said.
Well, to make a long story short, for the next three months I was a whore, a male prostitute. At first, I dug it. But after a while, it began to get to me. I didn't like the cheap feeling it gave me. I felt like a thing, not a man. I moved out, and when I took an apartment cross-town, I met Jerry, who gave me your phone number. I've got enough money to pay for these sessions, and I'm looking for a job. Things have got to change!"
REMARKS: Gary's courage is admirable. He realizes that he is emotionally unstable, and he is willing to work hard to gain his feet. His instability produced rather unusual behavior, but he was intelligent enough to know that he could not continue living with his aunt and keep his sanity. He is eager to work hard in therapy, and I look forward to the sessions with him. I do not think he is far from gaining his life's goal-to develop into a satisfied, productive man.
CHAPTER SIX
PATIENT: Carol B., nineteen.
REMARKS: Carol is very attractive, with a well proportioned body, but her face bears the scars of her misadventures. She seems much older than her age, and her words were at .first listless, tired. She was reluctant to touch upon her deepest emotions, but after several weeks, she became more articulate, more energetic. I think that she realized how important therapy is to her, and added rest gave her the strength to examine her experiences.
CAROL: I guess the whole thing started about a year ago. I was studying art in New York, taking courses at night while I tried to sell some of my paintings by day. Nothing was happening. I wasn't selling, and I got disgusted with the whole scene. I decided I didn't have the artistic temperament, so I cut out. I had been living in an apartment with another girl, and my father paid the rent each month, the school bills, etc. I didn't bother informing him of my departure; I just went! He wouldn't have cared, really. I mean, it would have embarrassed him. Because I was the daughter of dead wife, and he was supposed to make me happy! Wheeee! But he didn't give a damn about the real me. Not a good damn.
[Note: Carol immediately establishes a conflict between her father and herself. She feels unloved, believing that her father is providing for her merely out of a sense of duty. She despises his coldness and assumes that her departure would be almost welcome.]
I left town with a bunch of people I had met down the Village. They were wild. Speed freaks, acidheads, potheads, the whole spectrum. I used to party with them every once in a while, but as my painting career slid downward, I saw more of them.
"Hey, baby," one of them said to me one day. "We're going to Mexico. Jim's got a place down there, a little hut or something. Want to come along? It'll be a groove."
The idea appealed to me, and so I tagged along with them. We blew through the South and across the border, stopping at a little town on the west coast of Mexico. It was beautiful, very serene. I even bought a set of water colors and painted. We were there about three days when Ellen came in with a brick of Acapulco Gold, the very best grass there is.
"We fly tonight!" she chirped, and we all smiled at her.
I had never messed around sexually with any of the group. There were six of us. Ellen, Jean, and myself, Jimmy, Ted, and Henny. We smoked the grass in a water pipe Jimmy had brought along, and we got high as you could be. I thought I had smoked good grass before, but the Gold really blew my mind. I was drifting, floating through a gorgeous nod, when Henny came up beside me.
"I never told you what a beautiful body you have," he whispered, and I knew that his mind was really messed.
But I was feeling damn sexy, and Henny wasn't bad-looking. He reached for me, and I slid into his arms.
"Uh-oh," Ellen moaned, mocking. "Looks like the orgy has begun...."
Jean laughed and fell against Jimmy, who sucked her tongue between his lips.
"Yes, friends, loosen up and relax," giggled Ted, strutting around the shack like recreation director. "Good, clean fun and games, that's what keeps man in the pink of life."
"Oh, shut up!" Ellen shouted, grabbing him and pulling him onto a mattress.
I turned back to Henny, who was busy unbuttoning my blouse. I hadn't had much sexual experience, and what was happening was happening a bit fast for me. But I knew I couldn't slow things down. I just lay back and let the pot keep me cool.
"Beautiful," Henny murmured, his mouth lowering toward my breasts. "So beautiful...."
I arched my back, and he sucked one into his mouth. His tongue raced over the nipple, and I knew that I was gonna have the time of my life.
If only you could see your precious daughter now, Dad, I thought, chuckling to myself. You damn phony!
Henny's fingers slid inside my bell bottoms and beneath my panties, and I felt him probing for my pussy. The room seemed to spin, and I opened my legs wider to give him more room.
"Oh, yeah, baby," I heard him moan. "We are going to make it! Make it!"
That was fine with me. I turned my head and looked around the room. Ted's dick was in Ellen's pussy, and she was urging him on, her legs wrapped around his back. My eyes drifted closed, and the image of them flashed across my mind, exploding in all sorts of colors. It was beautiful. I could almost feel them coming, hear their moans, smell their heat.
"Lemme take 'em off," Henny murmured, pulling at my pants.
I opened my eyes, and I was naked, his dick dangling before me like a tree trunk. I gazed beyond him and saw Jean's mouth moving over Jimmy's enormous cock. Henny's cock wasn't anywhere as big as Jimmy's, but it looked damned good to me. I had never kissed a man there, and it occurred to me that this was the time to change all that. He was in some sort of nod, resting on his knees, straddling me. I took his prick and eased it between my lips.
"Uhhhhhhh," he grunted. "Ohhh, yeahhh, baby! Wheeeeeewwwwww! Too much! Too much!"
His moans fired me up even more. I sucked hard on him, feeling his prick throb in my mouth. I ran my tongue along the underside of that luscious dick, and I thought he was gonna collapse. His body quivered, and he steadied himself by leaning on the wall of the hut. He was sweating heavily, and the smell of him was strong and mucky. I liked it.
"That's it, suck it, baby!" he gasped. "Suck it hard and long! Suck it!"
Damn! Now there was a man who knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid of demanding it. I dug that, and I gave him quite a trip. When he came in my mouth, I gagged a little, but I quit fighting it and let his come slide down my throat. Some of it spilled over the edges of my mouth, down on my breasts. When I was finished sucking him, he kissed me hard on the mouth, and I came. The idea that he wanted to kiss a woman who had just sucked him off really turned me on.
"That was fantastic, baby," he groaned, burrowing his face against my tits.
And then he started licking the come from my tits, the come that had spilled on them. I took his head between my hands worked it against my breasts. 1 was hot as hell, and I thought someone had poured kerosene on me and applied a match. I had never enjoyed sex so much before. This was something special, and I almost wanted to cry when I realized that we had a long way to go before we were finished.
"Suck my nipples, Henny!" I urged. "Suck 'em good for me. I love to have 'em sucked!"
"Sure, baby," he murmured. "Sure...."
I knew then that he would do anything to satisfy me. And the idea thrilled me beyond belief. I mean, I never dreamed I'd meet a man with that attitude. Every woman searches for that kind of man, but few find him. Most of the others give up and settle for less. Or if they do find him, they're married with three kids and the whole thing's one big mess.
"Gonna make you feel good," Henny murmured, peppering my belly with kisses as he moved down my body.
I knew what he wanted to eat my pussy. Two guys had done that to me before, but I hadn't really enjoyed it. With one of them, I had been high, but it hadn't been good. This time, I knew it would be beautiful. My body was so tense, waiting for him to hit it, that I felt as though I would die. And then his mouth went into me, and I churned my cunt against him, wanting to feel his tongue inside me.
"Okay, baby," he moaned. "Okay!"
I lifted my ass off the mattress, wanting to give him all the room he needed. I hoped he would slide that tongue into me soon. I needed it so bad....
"Suck it for her," he was babbling. "Suck it till she begs me to stop...."
Instead of burying his tongue in my pussy, he lifted my ass high and lowered his head even further, and then I felt him kissing my ass, driving his tongue between my buttocks. His hands pried the cheeks of my ass apart, and I felt his tongue flick against my rectum, worming against it.
"Oh, oh, oh!" I groaned. "Henny! Ohhhhh, Henny! That's the end! Gahhhh!"
I came, and he shoved his face in my cunt, sucking the juices there.
"Mmmmmmmm," I moaned. "Don't stop. Keep doing that. It's so good...."
He moved his lips up to my clitoris, and when his tongue worked against it, I went nuts. I remember bucking like a damn horse, jerking around like I was throwing a fit. And then he was in me, his big dick driving hard into my cunt. I couldn't get enough of him, and after he had come, I remember Jimmy walking over and kneeling beside me.
"You really up there, ain't you?" he asked, his hand kneading one of my tits.
I didn't answer. I reached up and pulled his mouth onto my breast, and his lips closed over it, sucking and laving. I closed my eyes and wanted to cry. It felt so good! All this lovin'!
[Note: Carol is obviously starved for affection and attention. The young men can satisfy her sexually for the first time in her life, and she is willing to accept this as a desperate substitute for the deeper love she seeks.]
He sucked my tit, and I looked across the room and saw that Ted had finished with Ellen. He sat staring at me, his eyes reflecting his interest.
"Don't just sit there," I gasped. "Come over here and be useful...."
He crawled across the dirt floor on his hands and knees, and I wanted to laugh, so I did. I laughed like a madwoman, and I felt happier than I'd ever been. Jimmy pulled his head up, looked at me, then went back to work, nibbling one nipple, then the other.
"Ted, yes, Ted!" I groaned as he moved between my legs. "Oh, do it to me! Use your mouth on me!" He did. And he did it very well, too. I was trafficking with a group of pros, I realized. His tongue did lovely, majestic things to my pussy, and I leaped around inside my own head like an acrobat doing weird somersaults.
"Ohhhhh, owwwwwwww! Yessssss...."
I didn't know what to do. My body seemed tormented, as if there was some energy inside me that couldn't get out, was afraid to let go. Letting go, I wanted to let go so bad....
I guess you can tell I was out of my skull at that point. I was breezing pure, loving the feel of Ted's tongue in my cunt and Jimmy's jaws on my tits. Hah! Jimmy's soft jaws, working over me like a craftsman. I mean, I was hot! I wanna get well now, but I hope I can reach that kind of apex again, but with only one man, not two, or three.
Some women get it, I guess. But at least I've known it once.
"So, you got you ashes hauled, did you?" Jean asked me when we had all gotten ourselves together.
"Yeah, it was the grooviest thing ever. I couldn't believe it was happening to me."
"I've been there. It is the best...."
I looked at her closely. She was very pretty, with thick, red lips that were very sensual, very seductive. I felt an odd twinge, a sort of hunger gnawing at me. I wanted her! Damn, but I wanted her, too! And I didn't feel embarrassed or ashamed of the fact. The others were still lying on their backs, waiting for their highs to dissipate so they could get up there again, new all over.
"Have you ever made it with a "Woman?" I asked her, flat out.
She smiled, the corners of her pert mouth turning up, her eyes glistening.
"Sure. You wanna?"
Simple, eh? Just ask, and you shall receive. I really didn't expert her to be so direct, so frank. I thought she'd hedge, try to plumb my motives or something. But she just asked if I wanted to do it with her, just like that. Wow.
"Yes," I said. "Yes...."
She lay next to me, and we kissed, our lips caressing gently, hers nibbling at mine. I got hot all over again, and my hands roamed her body, soothing, squeezing. She was firm and soft, and I couldn't keep my hands off her. Then I felt her fingers touch my cunt, and I lifted one leg, to give her all the room in the world. As for the world, well, we were at the center of it. We were the axis, and we didn't give a damn about what was revolving about us. There was just the two of us, our bodies, our souls, with our desires burning our hearts out.
"Ohhhh, Carol," she gasped. "Ohhhh, I want you. I want you...."
She told me later that she had only had one experience with a woman before we made love, and so she was as excited about the newness of it as I was.
"Touch me!" she said. "Touch me, like I'm touching you. Put your finger in me!"
I slipped my middle finger into her cunt, sliding it in and out, finger fucking her just like she was doing to me. Her pussy was slick and hot, and I began to breathe like my lungs were collapsing. I gasped for air. And then her body swiveled about, and her head was between my legs.
"Mmmmmmmm," she moaned, flicking her tongue against my vagina. "Tastes good, honey....
Her cunt was right in my face, and when she spread her legs, I knew she wanted me to suck it for her. It was red and glistening, and I held back for a moment. But the more she ate me, the hotter I got, until I finally shoved my face against her hot muff and dug in.
"Oooooooohh, Carol!" she yelped. "Oooooohhh, that's so niiiiiice!"
She leaned back, and all I saw was pussy. Her ass jerked and writhed, and my face became covered with juice. It tasted good. I liked it, like it a lot more than I thought I would. That scared me a little.
"I'm gonna come," I heard her groan. "Gonna commmmmme! Ohhhhhh, yessssss. Ahhhhhh...."
She went crazy, her body twisting all over the place. I could hardly keep my mouth on her. She told me later that it felt too good, that she couldn't stand it. After I finished eating her, she went back down on me. She turned around, so that she was lying between my legs, her head facing me. Her hands gripped my thighs, and she gave me a really good going over. By the time she finished, I was weak as a kitten.
"It was great, wasn't it?" Jean asked me as I lay there, trying to catch my breath.
I wanted to say yes, it was fantastic, but another feeling crept in-disgust. For the first time, I was disgusted with myself. I didn't find my behavior admirable, and I didn't want to shout its praises. So I didn't answer her.
"See you later," she whispered. "I'm gonna go for a swim. It'll feel good."
Everyone piled out of the shack, and I lay there thinking about the water. The ripples sliding against the beach filled my mind, and I drifted off into sleep. I had a bad dream, though, a real bummer.
In it, I met my father down on the beach. I was only a little girl, and he was much younger. He was good-looking, and he sat close to me, playing with me in the sand. And then his face changed, the lines shifting, and he was someone else, a man I had never seen. His playfulness became more direct, and he unfastened my bathing suit, his hands trembling as he fondled my tits.
"Daddy?" I said, my voice betraying my fear. "Daddy, what are you doing?"
He didn't speak. He stood up and peeled his bathing suit off, and his dick sprang out, thick and red.
"Don't be afraid," he murmured as he pushed me onto my back. "I won't hurt you...."
But it did hurt, terribly. He pushed his dick into me, and it felt as though I were going to die. I pleaded with him to stop, but he kept murmuring in my ear, his grunts and growls screaming through my brain, and finally he was finished. He put his trunks back on, picked up the towel, which was bloody arid torn, and walked away from me, not once looking back.
[Note: This dream gives certain insights into Carol's relationship with her father. Seemingly, they are happy together, playing on the beach. But suddenly he changes, his face shifting to take a form she does not know. This change corresponds to the shift that took place in her mind regarding his identity when she entered adolescence. Her mother died, and suddenly she and her father drifted apart. She did not recognize him, and she could not rely on him, could not trust him. And so, in her dream, she is raped by him. Her fears are expressed in sexual terms, and she is left alone on the beach, torn and bleeding.]
"Carol! Carol!"
Ted was kneeling next to me, shaking me by my shoulders.
"Yes, it's all right," I said, coming out of it. "I'm okay now."
"Good. You scared me...."
I looked at him, and some thought, some insight flickered in my mind, then died. It seemed that he, too, was frightened, and I felt close to him. But then his hand moved to cup my breast, and he slid away, our souls immediately miles apart.
"You need a little lovin'," he said. "You had a bad dream, but I want to make you feel happy."
I pushed him away and went outside. I looked back as I walked out the door, and he stared at me with this hurt look, a look that chilled my heart. I wanted to cry. I hurt him, but I didn't want to. I felt so alone. I wanted to die. I stumbled down to the shore and watched the rest of the group play. They were tossing each other around in the surf, and they called to me to join them. But I didn't listen. Their voices sounded so strange, so unfamiliar.
"Later,-" I called. "Later...."
I turned and strolled down the beach, gazing out it the sea. It was late afternoon, and the sun was dropping toward the horizon. I could stand and watch it move, the descent seemed to quick. It seemed too fast, and I wanted to reach out and rake it, slow it so that the day would not end so quickly. Time was passing much too rapidly, and I felt as though I were being left behind, like some prehistoric fossil.
When I returned to the shack, I met Gale. He was young, about thirty, and he was mad. It seemed that we were squatting on his land. He didn't know Jimmy, who had told us that he rented use of the hut, and he said that if we weren't gone in the morning, the police would be summoned.
"You sonofabitch!" Jimmy shrieked. "You call the cops and I'll find you and beat your mother fuckin' ass into the goddamn ground/"
Gale just stared at him, his eyes radiating hate. He was rich, I knew that by the way he dressed and talked. But he had guts, plenty of guts. He stood his ground, staring Jimmy down. The rest of the group just gawked at them, and I realized that nobody was going to do anything to clear the air.
"Listen, there's been a misunderstanding," I said, not caring how foolish the words seemed in the supercharged tension that was roiling between Jimmy and Gale. "We thought it would be all right to stay here for a while."
Gale looked at me, and his gaze softened. I didn't know what to say next. He sort of charmed me, right there in front of the group, without his knowing even my name.
"What?" he said softly. "What did you say?"
I decided I was through with the group, sick of their idiocies. Jimmy had misled us, or at least, he had misled me. I was out to protect myself now. "This jerk told me we could live here because he had rented the place from the owner," I snapped, gesturing toward Jimmy. "I was dumb enough to believe him, and now I'm in a fix. I'll leave by morning, but I've got no place to go. No place at all...."
"Why you-" muttered Jimmy.
"Shut up!" Gale interrupted. "So you haven't got a place to lay your little head, eh? Well, we can take care of that problem. Come with me...."
He stretched out his hand, and I put mine in it. He closed his fingers over my palm, pulling me toward his car.
"The rest of you, I want you gone," he said firmly. "Understand?"
He didn't wait for a reply. We got in the car, and he gunned it across the sand and out onto the highway. I felt relieved. I was glad to get away from the group.
"Where are we going?" I asked, not really caring.
"To my home," he said, grinning at me.
He was terribly handsome, and I felt very attracted to him. We sped along, then turned into a narrow driveway which led us up a steep incline to his house. It was enormous, and once we were inside, he opened the drapes, and I had a fantastic view of the sunset, the sea spreading as far as I could see.
"Ooooooh," I murmured. "It's beautiful!"
"And so are you, my dear."
He moved behind me, and his hands closed about my breasts. I didn't bother putting him off. I wanted what he had; a place to stay. And I was tired of bumming in wooden shacks. Concrete and glass appealed to me.
"Ummmmmm, you have such nice breasts," he murmured, squeezing them, his fingers strong, his grip soothing.
"Why don't you give me a drink?" I said, beginning to feel that we were moving a bit too fast.
He dropped his hands and chuckled. I guess he knew that he was going to get what he wanted before the sun rose the next morning.
"What's your poison?" he said.
I laughed at the cliche. I hated cliches, but coming from his mouth, it was charming.
"Vodka sour," I said, deciding to make him work for his pussy.
"Right away."
I drank three of the damn sours, and the next thing I knew, we were on the couch and his hand was up my dress. I wasn't wearing much of a dress, just a wrap-around covering my bikini. I spread my legs, letting him work his fingers into my panties.
"You move so fast," I cooed, lifting my face, hoping that he'd give me a big, fat soul kiss.
I was hot, and when I realized that he was married, it made me even hotter. The idea of making it with a married guy fascinated me. His wife obviously was out, even though her photograph adorned the mantelpiece prominently. I wondered what the scene was between them.
"Where's your better half?" I asked coyly, pursing my lips so he's pay more attention to me than to the question.
"God knows," he grunted, covering my lips with , his.
His tongue pried between my lips, and I squirmed in his lap, feeling the stiffness of his cock press against my buttocks.
"She's gone for good?" I said.
"For good. Left two years ago. Good riddance."
I was beginning to feel real good. Here was a future....
"C'mon, baby," he moaned. "I want you. You know that. Do you want me?"
Strange questions, but I liked his candor. "Yes," I hissed. "Yesssss!"
I spread my legs wide, and he grunted like a boar. He was a little overanxious, and I guessed he hadn't had a piece in a long time. He must've been very lonely in that big house, no woman around to soothe his nerves and his dick.
"Oh, baby!" he gasped, fitting a couple of fingers into my snatch. "Damn!"
I got up and took off my skirt. He gasped at me like he was watching a peep show. I turned and unfastened my brassiere, and when it dropped to the floor, he was up and next to me working my panties off. I felt good, loose and happy. I sensed that I was more uninhibited than he, and it gave me a certain power.
"Take your clothes off too," I teased, rolling my hips as I walked away from him toward the bedrooms.
He ripped them off, and when I heard him coming toward me, I ran down the long hallway, glancing into each of the rooms as I passed. I saw a big bed in one, and when he came to the doorway, I was spread out on it, legs parted, my muff staring him right in the face. I was high, hot, and ready.
He didn't waste any time. He was on my like a wild man, tearing at my tits, fingering my pussy. I knew then that he hadn't been satisfied in a long, long time.
"Put it in," I gasped. "Go ahead, darling. Put it in. I want you so...."
"Oh, God. I love you. Ohhh, I love you...."
Music to a girl's ears! He fucked it into me, and I grabbed him and worked it through me. He wasn't very big, but it didn't matter. I was wheezing and gasping like an animal, coming over and over, waiting for him to lose control.
And then it happened.
"No! Oh, nooooo!"
It was a plaintive moan, enough to make your soul cry.
"Gale!" I called out to him. "Gale! What's the matter? Where are you going?"
But it was too late. He was out the door and into the bathroom. I lay there for a few minutes, trying to figure out what happened, and then it occurred to me that he was impotent. I heard his sobs echoing off the bathroom tiles, and I went to the door.
"Gale," I said. "Come on out, please. Don't be ashamed. Nothing's wrong. I'm not mad or anything. Please come out and let's talk."
Well, I finally coaxed him out, and we talked. And talked. And talked.
"It's no use," he sobbed. "I haven't been able to do anything since my wife left me, the bitch...."
At that point, I decided that talk was serving no purpose. I leaned forward and took his penis between my lips, running my tongue quickly along the underside of it. He gasped and tried to pull away, but I sucked him deeper, sucking hard, hoping to feel the tell-tale throb, the initial flush of blood into his limp prick. It came, and as I sucked him, he began to moan, and I knew that he was mine.
"Ohhhh, it's beautiful," he murmured. "Ummmmmmm, yesssss. Ohhhh, Carol...."
I sucked his dick until it was stiff as a ramrod, and then I straddled him and worked it into my pussy.
"Now, relax!" I said, grinning down at him as I pumped his dick into my cunt.
I felt strangely powerful, and the more I fucked him, the better I felt. I was strong, stronger than he. His face twisted as I eased over his cock, his contortions telling me that I was doing just fine. I put his hand on my tits, and he pulled at them, working himself higher and higher. I leaned forward and put my lips against his.
"Come," I crooned. "Come in me, Gale. Make me come too. Ohhhhh, Gale. Come .
.
. commmmmmmme! "
He arched his back, and I felt his sperm rush into me. He grimaced, gritting his teeth, and I thought I was gonna pass out. But he stayed with me and I rode him hard, sucking at his dick with the lips of my vagina.
"Ohhhh, man," he gasped when we were finished. "Oh, man oh man!"
"Enjoy it?"
"Enjoy it? You must be kidding, asking me a question like that! Of course I enjoyed it! I loved it, every moment of it! It was fantastic!"
We screwed the damn night away, and the next day he was ready for more. I stimulated an appetite in him that had lain dormant for years.
And so he asked me to marry him."
And so I did.
And we lived unhappily ever after.
The sonofabitch turned out to be a real phony. He brought me along on all his business trips, and it wasn't until it was too late that I realized what my function was-I was his whore, his private stock that he fed to special clients. Our sex life deteriorated, and we seldom made love. Not that he didn't have his fun. He found quite a few women who loved his loving, and he had no problems with potency. Finally, I left him, just packed up and came back to New York.
He divorced me a couple months ago, and it was right after that I decided to kill myself, which is why I'm here. I don't want to kill myself. It's a bad idea, and I need somebody to give me a better one.
REMARKS: The better idea that Carol mentions is therapy and hard work. I think that we can iron out her conflicts with her father, resolve them so that she can take up a normal life. She wants a husband and she wants a home; that is obvious. Once her emotional life becomes more stable, she can have both. She plans to continue therapy, convinced of its benefits, and I think that her prospects are encouraging indeed.
CHAPTER SEVEN
PATIENT: Jerry L., nineteen.
REMARKS: Jerry is a rock musician and, in keeping with that life style, wears his hair shoulder length and dresses as if he is attending a costume ball. He is a good-looking boy, articulate and eager to tell his story. During our sessions he often rose from the couch to pace the room, words spewing out of him as if propelled by some turbulent inner energy. Following is the transcript Of his second session with me.
JERRY: I think things began to happen to me when I started playing the guitar. Up to that point, life had been pointless and dull. I went to school, played a little basketball with my friends, and went home to supper and then to bed. But when I was fourteen, my aunt gave me a guitar, a cheap one, and I started strumming the damn thing, and I couldn't stop. I worked part-time and bought one that was electrically amplified, the kind the rock stars work with, and soon I was damn good, what with private lessons and some jamming with a few friends.
We put together a small group, and once I started working, dances and joints that didn't serve booze, I was hooked. When I was eighteen, a senior in high school, I ran away. I grabbed some money off the dresser, and zoom! I was gone, guitar intact.
I had been living with my aunt, the one who gave me the first guitar, but I didn't dig it at all. She always rued giving me the damn instrument, and she carped at me for wearing my hair long and hanging out with so-called hippies. They weren't hippies. They were just guys like me, bored and sick of suburbia. My parents had died when I was five, and I don't remember them much. I remember the old ax, though, Aunt Eleanor. So, like I said, I cut out, heading for a place where the real hippies played their games, the East Village.
"Hey, Jerry, baby!" Angie yelled when I rang the buzzer to her apartment.
She damn near fell out the window gawking at me.
"Open the door, freak!" I yelled, and when I heard buzzer, I went on in.
Angie was the sister of one of the guys in my group back home. He had told me that if I ever needed a place to stay in the city, I should call on her. And when I met her once, she made the invitation clear. So here I was.
"What the hell you doin' here?" she asked me when I walked into her apartment.
The joint was jammed with people. It was dark, and I couldn't see too good, but I knew that they were all high. It stank of pot smoke, and I figured that marijuana was the least of the evils that lurked in the musty room. Angie was a freak, and I knew that there were enough pills in the room to stock a drugstore.
"I'm a rollin' stone," I said, smiling. "I cut loose. I got no home....
I sounded like a walking ballad. I felt bad, lonely. I hoped she'd take me in.
I didn't have to worry about it. "Good!" she chirped, kissing me on the mouth. "Glad you got up the guts to go. Lemme introduce you....
I met a mess of people whose names I didn't remember and whose faces I didn't see. They sort of clung to the wall, moving slightly as my name was given to them. I remember one name-Catfish. The cat to whom it belonged looked like his handle, too, lurking in the dark, near the wall, like a catfish deep in the mud of a lake.
"And now, lemme give you some grass," Angie said.
I wanted to say no, because I only smoked on special occasions. I had met plenty of potheads, and I didn't like their way of life. I liked them, but the scene was bad, smoking every day, all day. As for freaks, well, that was like talking to a suicide victim.
"Here," Angie said, coming back with this giant reefer. "Everybody's starving out on the street, but my baby gets me good stuff, as much as I want."
I started to ask who baby was but decided to skip it. I put a match to the joint and sucked it hard. By the time I was half through the damn thing, I was up in the clouds. Angie didn't lie; the smoke was good.
"You feelin' no pain now, eh?" Angie said, pulling herself out of the clutches of her baby, or least, I think it was him.
"Yeah," I mumbled.
"Kiss me, then," she cooed, and I took her in my arms.
I wanted to kiss her, but she pulled me out of the living room into the kitchen. It was pitch dark, and I felt like I had fallen into the black hole of Calcutta, or Hackensack, or someplace bad.
"Ummmmmm, I dig you," Angie murmured, rubbing that sweet belly of hers over my cock rubbing that sweet belly of hers over my cock.
My cock liked the idea, and by the time we finished a nice long soul kiss, it was hard as a board.
"Right here!" Angie gasped. "Let's do it right here! On the table!"
Before I could protest, she pulled me onto the damn kitchen table and worked my dick free of my pants. It wasn't difficult, because I don't wear undershorts, and all she had to do was unzip my jeans and work it out. I guess you wonder why I don't bother with undershorts, eh? Well, when I was reading a lot, looking for a archetypal father and all that shit, I read that Hemingway never wore shorts. So I gave up the habit. It wasn't too bad, as long as you washed every day.
"Oooh, oooh, ohhhhhh," Angie murmured, squeezing my dick as I eased into position.
The damn table was rock hard, and I figured I'd come out of it with scuffed knees, at the least. I hoped nobody left the bread knife lying around. Didn't want to emasculate myself.
"Ohhh, Jerry, fuck me!" Angie wailed. "Ohhhhh, fuck me now!"
Like I said, I met Angie once before. I had heard she was a hot piece. Her brother told me he'd even had her a couple times when she freaked out and a lot of guys took her on. He said he never told her, but he couldn't resist her. She had a tight little body, well made and sexy as hell. I forgot where I was and let her hand guide me into her cunt.
"Like it, baby?" she grunted. "You like it in here?"
"Yeahhh," I said, feeling nice and cozy. "There's nothing like an eager pussy."
She giggled, her legs climbing up my back to lock about me.
"This one of your favorite spots?" I said. "The kitchen table?"
"Yep," she said. "I eat here too."
I let that remark pass.
"Nice and easy, Jerry," she moaned. "Take it nice and easy. That's it. Slow. Ummmmmm...."
I fucked her that way for a while, but after a few minutes, my way became imperative. I felt like I was gonna explode. I hadn't screwed in a long time, and it had welled up inside of me. I didn't realize how horny I was until I had pumped it into her few times. She felt like the greatest cunt in the world, her pussy steaming hot and exciting as hell.
"Okay, baby!" I said. "Get ready for the storm. Bad times are a comin' "
I fucked it into her hard, really pumping. She rocked from side to side on that soft ass of hers, and when I came she planted her feet flat on the table and rose up to take each thrust. Damn, but she could fuck like a pro. And she was only sixteen. Sweet sixteen....
When we finished, she slid off the table, climbed into her clothes and forged into the living room. The place was alive with the sound of screwing. I could hear them panting in the comers of the room, their little cries drifting through the murky air. Angie disappeared like a goddess returning to the sea, and I groped around for a place to rest my ass.
"Oops!" a high-pitched voice yelped. I hoped it was female, not effeminate. "Who are you?" it said.
I burned my eyes out trying to get a glimpse of the face. No luck. I put my hand out, touching a cheek. I felt hair, long, and sighed. But wait a minute. Long hair doth not a female make. I lowered my hand a little, about a foot, and found a pair of tits, unfettered. They were heavy, and I cupped one in my hand, but when I went to the other, I found another hand, somewhat hairy.
"Hey," came a voice, not at all effeminate.
"Oh, Harry, be quiet," the high-pitched voice reproached. "I like this...."
Harry cursed and moved away. The girl moved in the opposite direction. Suddenly, I had my hands full of soft, warm womanflesh.
"Who're you?" the chick asked.
"You may call me Foxy," I said, not knowing what the hell I was saying. I was high.
She giggled, and I dove for her cunt, fingering it sweetly. She was wet, and I put my fingers to my nose and smelled gism. Looked like Harry got his licks. Oh, well....
"Wanna fuck?" the chick asked.
"Nah, let's paint."
She moved over me, pulling at my dick.
"Lemme help you," I said.
I was hot now, really loaded and ready to bang. Sex is infectious, or something like that. Once you get a little, you want a lot. Well, there was a lot to be had in this room. My dick was out, and the faceless but not bodyless chick was working her hand over it. All sorts of pleasant sounds and sights were sliding across my frontal lobes, and I leaned back against the wall and let them dance.
"Yesssss, this is fun, isn't it?" she asked.
Damned if she didn't sound like one of those suburban bitches at a card party. Same thing, I suppose. Almost....
"You want me to put it in?" she said.
"Yeah. Why don'tcha?"
She sat on me, and it went in lovely. Lovely, sliding right up her pussy.
And then I started to laugh.
"What the hell?" she said, insulted.
"No cause for that, honey," I broke in. "It's my high. I just imagined what it would look like if somebody turned the lights on. And I don't just mean the overhead lights. I mean about 6 thousand-watt lamps. Man!"
She started giggling, and then the two of us were howling like wolves. A couple of others joined in, and then I had started something. The whole room rocked. That's when I stopped laughing. It ain't funny when everybody laughs.
[Note: Jerry is an unusual boy, extremely gifted, and the loss of his parents caused an unhappy vacuum in his life, forcing him to direct his talents inward, seeking an identity that was all the harder to find because of the absence of a father or mother. His insights are clever, and he attempts to be honest with himself. But there are certain mysteries that he cannot unravel, and they cause emotional disorders that sap his energy.]
"Yeah, baby," I moaned. "Fuck me! Be with me! I love you! I love fucking you!"
"I love it too!" she chirped, bouncing up and down like a automatic fucking machine.
I came, and she flipped, working it into her until she had climbed up there with me. We went on a trip, and when I came to, she was gone.
"Too bad," I mumbled. "I think I wanted to marry her. It could have been love at first sight, if we had ever seen each other."
I got to my feet and nearly fell. The high was still with me, although I was descending rapidly. "Want some food?" a voice said.
It was Angie. She looked as though she'd been screwed by the Flying Tigers. Her hair was a mess, falling across her shoulders in long strands, blonde and dirty-looking.
"Yeah," I said. "I'm hungry. What you got? And don't go handing me any Drake's cakes, either."
"Fussy, ain'tcha? You want a pot roast? How's that appeal to you?"
"A pot roast?"
"Yeah. One of the girls brought it. She's crazy. She hates Drake's cakes too."
I had something to eat, and I turned my attention back to Angie. She looked good, sitting there with those smooth, full tits and that lovely snatch. She was nearly nude, wearing only a short skirt, a blouse that was open down to her belly.
"Now, what's for dessert?" I smiled.
She leaned back on the couch and opened her legs. The half light of the room was soft and comforting, and I just dipped my head and took a few bites. She tasted strong, and I thought I recognized the odor of gism. Most likely it belonged to the last stud who was in her pussy. As I said, Angie wasn't spic-and-span.
"Ummmmmmm, taste good, honey?" she cooed, working her fingers through my hair.
"Yeah, baby, just like candy."
She brought my mouth onto her clit, and I sucked it between my lips, giving it the old once-over. Once was enough for Angie.
"I'm commmmmming," she moaned. "Oh, it feels good. I love it. Don't stop, Jerry...."
"Yeah, baby, lay it on her."
Now there was a voice that I didn't recognize. I knew it was male, but I didn't know the male to whom it belonged. So I looked. I turned my head and stared at what appeared to be the face of a werewolf. I mean, this cat was ugly....
"Eat it, brother. Go ahead and eat it. Don't let me bother you. I'm just an innocent bystander." You know that I liked this guy. I mean, anybody who talks and acts like he did must be together. Right?
"Ohhhh, Benny!" Angie moaned, her voice filled with despair. "You drive me to despair...."
But she was smiling. They obviously were friends. I continued eating pussy, digging the fact that we were being watched. I was high from the pot I had smoked right after we ate, and I was feeling real good. Somebody had turned on the record player, and some really beautiful music was tumbling around our earlobes.
"Ohhhh, Benny!" Angie said.
I looked up and there was Benny, forcing his prick into her mouth. I shouldn't say forcing she wasn't about to fight him. And his dick was so damn big, I couldn't see how she managed to get him in her mouth.
Now it was my turn to talk.
"Suck him good, Angie," I urged. "Suck him like he was your brother."
I don't know why I said that. I guess I was pissed off at her for some reason, although I was really enjoying watching her suck the cat's cock. I guess part of me dug it, and part of me hated it and wanted to hurt her. Anyway, I was ready to mention something about the times her brother fucked her and she didn't realize it was him. But I didn't say it. Something took hold of me, and I felt sorry for her. But what I had said caused a strange effect, as far as she was concerned. She became hot as an oven, writhing on the couch like an animal.
"Ohhhhhh, Shit! Yeaahhhh!" she wailed, sounding like some subterranean monster.
The music was pounding through me now, as I watched him ease his prick between her lips. It seemed as if it were my dick, and imagining what it felt like was no trick at all. I felt her tongue tease the tip of my cock, darting beneath it to slide along the underside as it burrowed into her. Damn, I was as hot as she, and enjoying it just as much.
"Okay, baby," I chuckled, lowering my mouth once again to her sopping snatch.
She lifted her hips, sliding her cunt against my face. "Ummmmmm, wow!" she moaned.
"Dig it, baby," I said. "Me and Benny there are gonna blow your mind."
One thing I've learned is that chicks love to have some guy tell them they're going to have their minds blown, sexually. I mean, a lot of chicks dig rock because it suggests some kind of sexual experience. They sit there, turned on, and jive right into their little thing. Guys dig rock for the same reason, but with chicks, the rock experience is more intense.
"Ooooooohhh, eat meeeeeee!" I heard Angie moan.
And man, when you hear a moan like that, you turn on. Dig it? I was hot as hell, and I could feel the come start to spurt from my dick. I didn't want to let it go like that, so I moved up her body and shoved it in her twat. I was right next to the cat's prick, and the two of us, Angie and I, sucked it together. And if you don't think that's a wild sensation, forget it.
"Fuck me, Jerry," Angie kept groaning. "Ohhhhh, fuck me while we do this. Ahhhhh, it's too much, tooooooo much!"
Yes I did fuck her, and yes I did come, and it was very good, indeed. Unforgettable, you might say. It made me feel good about running away. I figured I found what I was looking for.
[Note: Of course, Jerry is deceiving himself in this respect. He is searching for an identity, a feeling of self, but he mistakenly assumes that he will gain it merely by participating in an orgy. If he is to mature, his attitude must change, so that his experiences are not distorted, made to be more than they really are.]
"That was somethin' else," Benny said to me. "You really dug it, too, eh?"
I looked at him, at his craggy face. He was probably about twenty-six, but he seemed fifty. He leaned forward, smiling at me, his teeth yellow and flying out at odd angles. Ichabod Crane, no doubt.
"Yeah," I said. "It was fun. Never made it like that before. Never expect to again . ... "
"Jerry plays too," Angie broke in.
I didn't know what she meant by that, but Benny seemed impressed.
"I got a group," he said. "We been workin' steady down at the Caverns, a discotheque not far from here. We been lookin' for a lead guitarist. Ours is messed up. He comes to work whenever he feels like it."
I felt like somebody had given me a chance to pick a million dollars up off the street and walk away. "I'm lookin' for work," I said. "I got no money, and I need a job."
"Why don't you come around tomorrow about two," he said. "We'll listen, and if you play, we'll fit you in."
The place cleared out around six o'clock in the morning, and I found a comfortable place to lie down and did so, sacking out until around noon. I wanted to sleep later, but the prospect of working in a decent rock group kept me from sleeping good. I was really excited. When I left home, I hoped to latch on to some kind of group, but I didn't expect anything this good to develop so quickly.
"I'm off!" I shouted to Angie, grabbing my guitar case and heading out the door.
"See you tonight," she mumbled. "At the Caverns."
I walked into the place, filled with tables, with chairs stacked upside-down on the table tops. The room was big, bigger than I expected, and Benny saw me wandering through the forest of tables and called to me.
"Come on, dude!" he laughed. "Time to work "
I smiled, glad that he was still serious about listening to me play. A couple of other guys were there, one of whom was their agent. I sight read some of their stuff, played some, sang some, and when I was finished, I was making a hundred and fifty a week to start. Man, I could've jumped for joy. They took me around the comer, and I bought some new threads on credit.
"We play at eight," Benny told me. "See you then. Keep your ass out of trouble. And don't buy anything off anybody on the street. Got it?"
I knew better than to do something that stupid, but I just nodded. Benny liked playing the father, it seemed, and it was fine with me as long as he kept me working.
"Remember," he said, wagging a finger at me. "Eight o'clock. Sharp.", I went outside and wandered around. It was a beautiful day, sunny and cool. I had never seen the Village during the day before, and it looked altogether different. Everybody seemed to be cringing, trying to avoid taking a direct hit from the sun. I saw a couple of strung-out freaks, looking like they would commit suicide if they didn't get a pill or a fix, or whatever the hell it was that they needed. I walked into this sandwich joint, the walls painted in every color and bright as hell.
"Hi!"
I looked across the aisle at a cute blonde chick sitting with a friend. The friend ignored me, but the blonde was smiling like a turned-on Mona Lisa. She had a good body, and my cock told me that I was interested. I had plenty of time. It was only four o'clock.
"Hello. Why don't you come sit with me?" I said. "You look bored."
The other chick glared at me, not liking the dig. But blondie giggled, sliding out of the booth and onto the seat next to me. The joint was dark, lights just flickering nice and private like. The girlfriend left, and blondie, who said her name was Janet, slid closer.
"What'cha doin' down here?" she said, meaning the East Village. "You work?"
I thought that an odd question. Who the hell works down here? I must still have that washed, suburban look about me. My hair wasn't real long at that point.
"Yeah, I work," I said. "I play with-"
It occurred to me that I didn't know the name of the group I belonged to.
"I work at the Caverns. In the band."
I felt stupid.
"Really?" she asked, her eyes fairly glistening with incredulity. "You're a musician?"
I learned something else that day. Chicks dig rock musicians. They figure musicians have the inside track on what's happening. Musicians can get you the best dope. Musicians give you the best fuck. Musicians have a pipeline to God.
"What do you play?"
"Guitar."
"Really? Oh, I love guitars. Electric?"
"Yeah."
"Lead or bass?" Very knowledgeable chick, too. "Lead."
"Oh, that's so groovy. Listen, let's go someplace. I hate this joint."
"Why do you come here?"
"To meet you."
Well, at least she told it like it was. She stared at me with those big blue eyes and those sweet, soft tits, and off we went.
"Where's your place?" I asked.
"I don't have any. I live with a friend, but I can't go there during the day. We're gonna visit Ann. She's my friend, and she loves musicians too. You'll dig her."
We wandered through a couple backyards, going into a beat-up building through the back door.
"She lives right here," Janet said, knocking gently on 1-D.
"Yeah?" came a voice from inside.
"Ann?"
"Who is it?"
"Janet."
"Whad'ye want?"
Ann didn't sound like a friend of Janet's.
"Lemme in. I'm with a friend. C'mon, open the damn door, Ann."
Ann opened the door, and when I saw her I was glad that she had let us in. She was tall, willowy, you might say, with a lovely, smooth body. She wore a dress that fitted loose, her tits nearly falling out of it. Her hair was brown, and her eyes were beautiful, the same color as her hair and big, wide, and entrancing. She smiled at me, giving me a quick appraisal.
"Who's this?" she asked her girlfriend.
Janet brushed by her and plopped onto a sofa in the living room. The apartment was groovy, fixed up with posters and flowers. I really began to dig Ann.
"His name is Jerry," Janet said, her voice cool. "He's a musician. He works at the Caverns."
Ann's gaze became more interesting, her eyes narrowing as she looked at me. I forgot about Janet.
"Well, well," Ann murmured. "So we've got an important guest today....
She reached inside a small tin container, rummaging around for a few moments before withdrawing a small packet.
"You got some more?" Janet said, leaning forward.
"Yes," Ann said flatly. "Don't worry. You'll get yours. How about you, honey? You on a diet too?"
I didn't know what the hell she was talking about. Janet giggled, moving close to me, her hand sliding onto my thigh. My prick twitched a little, anxious to get to work. I figured I'd make it with both these chicks before the afternoon was out, winding the session up just in time to get back to the Caverns on time.
"Sure he's on a diet," Janet smiled, looking up at me with this mischievous grin. "Give him two "
Ann swiveled across the room, her hand outstretched. I took what she offered, two small blue pills.
"They'll help you melt the fat off your brains, perk up your soul," Ann said.
I liked the way she talked. I gulped the pills down, and we sat back and relaxed. Within a minute, I was flying high. The two chicks were laughing, getting a kick out of my reaction. I couldn't stay seated. I got up and stumbled around the room, gesticulating wildly, spewing some crap about the similarity between rock and jazz. When I turned back to them, they were kissing.
"Well, I'll be damned!" I yelled, feeling like the devil. "A couple of dykes! Well, I think I'll put my finger in your cracks! Hah! They'll decorate me. I'll look like a lamp!"
You can see for yourself that I was out of my mind. I staggered toward them, and they laughed and grabbed for me. We went down in a heap, and they started pulling at my clothes. I let them. They had me undressed in a jiffy, and then I started pulling at their clothes. I felt happy as a lark. And sexy as hell.
"Oooooohhh, Jerry!" Janet said. "Look at your thing. It's so big!"
Well, my dick ain't that big, but she dug it, and I was pleased. Her reaction was so innocent, so childish, that I fell in love with her. And then Ann took matters into her own hands.
"Yesss, it's very nice," she mumbled, dipping her head down to take it into her mouth. "Ummmmmm, nice...."
I just lay back and let her work her wonders. I worked my fingers into her long, soft hair and figured I was about to take a glorious trip. But when I closed my eyes, my skull split apart. I was too high, and the pills were too strong for me. But I wasn't going to let that ruin a good time. I kept my eyes open and my mind occupied.
"Janet!" I called. "Janet!"
She was sitting there in a nod, staring at Ann's head bobbing up and down over my dick.
"What?"
"Come here and kiss me," I said.
She climbed on top of me, and when I kissed her, I felt the come well up inside me and then I knew that I couldn't hold on any longer.
I shot it into her mouth, and she took it all, working her lips over the tip of my cock and driving me right through the roof. By the time she was finished, I felt drained, exhausted.
"Now you do something for me," she said.
Janet was still kissing me, sucking at my lips. I wanted to fuck her, but every time I got my hand on her cunt, she slid away. If I'd been sober, I'd have asked her what was wrong. But being in the stars, I didn't say a word.
"Get up and take this," Ann said when she came back into the room. She held what looked like a battering ram.
"What the hell is that thing?" I grunted, struggling to my feet.
"It's a dildo."
"A what?"
"A phony penis," Janet broke in somewhat triumphantly, as if she had just come up with the perfect put-down.
Ann sneered at her, her lips curling in an odd way as she glared at the girl.
"And what's your secret, honey?" she asked, and Janet backed away, looking as if tears would come to her eyes.
I should have felt embarrassed but I didn't. The whole scene intrigued me. I had never spoken with either of them before that afternoon, and already they were divulging all their hangups to me, not caring what my reaction would be.
"Take it and put it in me," Ann said, handing me the dildo.
I had never seen one before, hadn't even known such things existed. It was about two feet long, with the end of it thicker than the rest, resembling the shaft of a cock. Rubber was wrapped about it, and she had smeared some sort of grease on it, probably Vaseline.
"Come on, Janet dear," Ann murmured as she got into position, her legs splaying wide on the thin carpet.
I wasn't sure what my role would be in this melodrama. Janet hesitated a moment, then slid to the floor, straddling Ann's face.
"Yesssss," Ann hissed. "Now we'll have a good time; right, honey?"
"Ummmmmm," Janet moaned, working her hips up and down, her body writhing as Ann shot her tongue into the girl's slick pussy.
"You do like it, don't you, love?" Ann muttered, and Janet nodded.
"What?"
"Yes, I do. I love it. Ohhhhh, it feels wonderful. It feels like you're in me, way in me and I'm gonna feel good forever. Never enough. Never enough."
Her speech became more jumbled, and I got hard as a stone. My dick felt like it would split open if I didn't find something warm and soft. I didn't know what the hell to do with the damn dildo.
And then Ann informed me. "Why are you waiting?" she gasped. "Shove it in me. Go ahead. Just push "
I looked at the dildo, then down at my cock. My mind was reeling, and I don't remember what I was thinking. I do know that I didn't give her what she wanted. I crawled onto her and fucked my cock into her, and she screeched like a wild woman. It was very unsettling, but I tried to ignore her.
"Ohhhh, no!" she cried. "Goddammit, no! Janet! Janet! Gahhhhhhh!"
I came immediately, driving my prick into her with strong, sharp thrusts. I didn't think about making love to her, trying to control myself so that she could dig it more. I knew she didn't like my cock in her, but I was determined to get mine. Shit, what the hell did they think I was, anyway? Some kind of fool?
"Janet! Janet!" I heard Ann shout, and then the lights went out.
When I woke up, the apartment was dark and empty. I didn't know where I was at first, but then it dawned on me, and I broke out in a cold sweat. I looked for a clock, but there wasn't one. I crawled outside, finding walking impossible. The hallway was empty, dirty, and dark. I pulled myself up, resting on the staircase.
"Got to get out of here," I mumbled, stumbling out of the building. "Got to get-"
And then I hit the ground again. The next time I woke up, I was in the hospital. Seems I had split my head on the pavement. They sewed me up, and I went to Angie's. Benny was there, mad as hell. Angie seemed annoyed too, so I cut out. I went back to Ann's house, but she wasn't in. Finally, I decided to plead with Angie, and I damn near ran to her place.
"Sure, you can stay," she cooed. "I wanted to tell you before, but Benny would've been mad. And I need him in certain ways. What happened to you, anyway? You look terrible."
I told her the story, and she had a grand time. She thought it was hilarious. We fucked all night, and the next day I took my guitar and went looking for work. It took me three weeks before I found any, and I got real skinny in a hurry. My hair was shoulder length, and I looked like I'd been born in the Village. I worked for about three months, and then things went from bad to worse. I collapsed one night after I'd been fired, my body so weak I couldn't support it. That scared me, and it was right after that that somebody mentioned your name to me.
REMARKS: Jerry is a talented young man, and his future is much brighter than he believes. I think that with therapy, he will gain an understanding of some of his problems, which will curb his impulses. Sex will have a place in his life, but his life will not center on it. He intends to enroll in music courses in a local university, so that he can become truly a professional. He is working once again, and he will remain in therapy until he feels confident of his ability to build the kind of life he wants.
CHAPTER EIGHT
PATIENT: Wilma T., seventeen.
REMARKS: Wilma is a stunningly beautiful girl, with a shapely figure and a lovely face. Her energy seems boundless, although she seems to keep it in check. But her outward coolness belies the emotional turmoil that infects her life. Following is a transcript of her first session with me.
WILMA: To begin with, I think my parents came over on the boat and landed at Plymouth Rock. To say that their attitudes are puritanical would be an understatement. Damn, but I couldn't stand them! They had one kid, me, and I think that after fucking that one time, they were so horrified, they never made it again. And so I was an only child. I used to sit and pray for a brother or a sister. I was so lonely, so desperate.
[Note: Wilma's parents obviously suffer from some neurosis, and their preoccupation with their own problems leaves Wilma isolated and feeling unloved. As a result, she comes to hate her parents, and by the time she is in her early teens, she yearns to escape from their influence.]
You'd think it would be bad enough having parents like that, but I went out and picked a boyfriend who was just like them. I thought he was groovy, you know, but I didn't know nothin'. He was good-looking, but he was a fool. He didn't know anything about anything. He was just as scared as my parents, of life, of sex, of his own shadow. They were all sick.
[Note: It is interesting that Wilma sees her parents and her boyfriend as they truly are, not as they would like to be seen. Her insights are remarkable, and they will be put to good use in therapy.] I went to this house party with Phillip, my boyfriend, and I got so bored I thought I was gonna cry. He went off somewhere to talk to one of his buddies, and I just sat in the corner, feeling blue.
"You shouldn't look that sad," someone said. "It's bad manners. Besides, you're too lovely...." I looked up and there's this gorgeous thing standing there, about six foot two, eyes of blue, etc.
"Would you like some punch?" he said.
He seemed about forty, his sideburns graying a little to give him that distinguished look. He was well built, a really delicious physique.
"I had some punch," I said, trying not to sound like a high school kids. "Would you please ask the bartender for a bloody Mary?"
I was dying for a drink. I'd had a bloody Mary once, and I decided if I ever got the chance, I'd get another.
"One bloody Mary, coming up," he smiled and then he was gone, into the blue.
I sat there hoping that Phillip wouldn't come back. That would've been a drag. Instead, the man came back with my drink. I stood and found that he was just the right size for me, 'cause I'm tall. We sipped our drinks, and soon I was feeling good, not drunk, just pleasant, if you know what I mean.
"Shall we go outside?" he asked.
My heart started thumping like someone was inside beating on it. The guy turned me on, and I hoped I did the same to him. I must have, or why would he bother talking to me? I know he didn't approach me as if I were a child. He talked to me as though I was a woman, and I dug that. We walked out onto the patio, and he took my arm and led me down onto the lawn. I kicked off my shoes, loving the feel of the cool grass between my toes. The night was beautiful, filled with stars.
"Beautiful night, isn't it?" he said.
"Just what I was thinking," I said. "Very romantic...."
I looked up at him, and he smiled. I was giving him every clue, every opportunity to do something.
I was tired of Phillip, standing around talking, talking, talking.
"You're very pretty," he said. "Very ... attractive...."
"Oh?"
He moved closer, and I thought I was gonna faint. I waited, waited, and then he took me and kissed me. It was short, but ummmmmmmm, sweet. I opened my mouth, and his tongue flicked against mine. Then he backed off, glancing around to see whether anyone was. looking. I decided I should make him realize I was his for the taking.
"That was nice," I said, my voice almost a purr. "Let's try it again...."
I opened my arms, draping them around his neck, and he really kissed me, driving his tongue though my lips, working his cock against my belly. A real soul kiss.
"Listen, I'm going to the city," he gasped, pulling away. "There's a party I want to make. How about going with me?"
"Sure," I said. "Let's go "
We hopped in his car, one of those low, sporty types, and off we went! We blazed right out of Jersey and into New York. It looked great, all lit up and full of action. Now I understood why everybody left Jersey to come to the city. When you stepped into New York, you felt as though you stepped out of a cemetery into a carnival.
"Wheeeeeeee!" I shouted as we whisked cross-town. "Lemme loose! Let me loose!"
That poor man didn't know what to make of me.
His name was Keith, and all that mattered to him was that he had picked up a choice-looking pussy and was heading for a good time. He couldn't stop smiling. I know he had no idea how old I was. He thought I was about twenty-two, or so.
"Here we are, baby doll!" he said when we pulled up to the front of the ugly-looking building.
I wasn't impressed until I got inside and saw what the interior of a privately owned brownstone looked like. Fantastic! High ceiling, chandeliers, knee-high carpets, paintings, the soft clink of diamond necklaces, and soft lights with smooth music. It was dreamy.
"Drink?" somebody said to me.
I turned, and there was a guy dressed in red jacket. A waiter! A private waiter! Wild!
"The lady will have a bloody Mary," Keith said.
I drank three of them, and then the party began to loosen up. The band got a little raunchy, and some girl got up and started stripping. Keith pulled me close, and we stumbled into a corner. He shoved his hands up my dress, sucking my tongue into his mouth. Damn, but I was turned on like I'd never been turned on before. I was still a virgin, and I was a little scared, but not enough to keep me from being a bad girl.
"Oh, Wilma, baby!" Keith moaned. "Ohhhhhh, baby. I want you so bad!"
He sounded like a little boy, and I didn't like it, but I was too hot to worry about details. I let him work my panties off, and then I sat in his lap until we both couldn't stand it any longer.
"Get on it," he grunted, pulling his dick out of his pants. "Just get onto it...."
I did as he told me, and the pain scorched through my body, like a red-hot knife dissecting me.
"Oooooh, yeahhhh," he moaned. "Fuck me, baby. Fuck me! Damn, but you're a tight cunt!"
I began crying, tears rolling down my face from the pain, and he asked what was the matter. But right about then, I started feeling good, and I sobbed for joy, working myself over his thick cock. And then I came, shrieking like a witch, and he grabbed me and shook me. He didn't much enjoy fucking me, I guess, but I had a ball, if you'll excuse the pun.
"Ahhhhhhhhhh, mmmmmmmmm," I groaned, my cries filling the damn room.
He pushed me off him, embarrassed. People were staring at us, wondering why the hell I was making so much noise. They didn't mind us fucking, but we were expected to keep our cool.
And then Keith saw the blood.
"What the hell?" he shouted. "What the hell is this? You stupid bitch! Why didn't you tell me?"
I stepped back, giggling, and he slapped me.
"You bastard!" I screamed. "You try that again!"
He slapped me again, and I flew at him, my nails aimed at his eyes. Suddenly, I was off my feet, my legs flailing.
"Just a minute, young lady," a voice came. "What's going on here?"
"Oh, Ralph," Keith said, as if he were saved. "This cunt is crazy."
Ralph turned me around and took a look. "She looks mad, not crazy," he said.
He was cool as blue, and I was struggling like mad, trying to get loose.
Then Ralph noticed the blood. "What's this?" he said. "Looks like you broke a cherry, Keith. That's no reason to hit the girl."
She didn't tell me," Keith whined.
"You didn't ask!" I screamed.
Ralph laughed and put me down. "How old are you?" he asked.
I told him. and Keith paled.
"Well, well, Keith. You oughta be ashamed of yourself, beating up teenage virgins after you go ahead and take their cherry," Ralph said, his tone ominous. Why don't you leave?"
"But-"
"Why don't you leave, Keith?"
Ralph's voice was hard, and there was no doubting he meant business. I didn't know who he was, but I liked him. He was strong.
"Okay," Keith said. "But from now on, I don't know her. Never met her."
"That's fine with me," I said. "Go to hell, you no-dick motherfucker!"
I thought Ralph was gonna keel over. He laughed and laughed, and he was still chuckling long after Keith had gone out the door.
"You're quite a demon," he said to me. "Quite the little demon. Or is it demoness?"
I didn't know what the hell he was talking about, and besides, I was beginning to feel a little uneasy. Who were these people? How would I get home? I didn't imagine then that by the time the evening was over, I wouldn't give a thought to going home, not a single thought.
"What's your name, honey?"
Ralph asked me a whole lot of questions, and I told him all about myself. His wife came over, and she seemed as interested as he. She was damn good-looking, real sexy and expensively dressed. Ralph was kind of ugly, a bit fat with a round, funny-looking face. I kept drinking, and the party regained its momentum.
"Mike! Mike, come over here!" Regina, Ralph's wife, called to a tall boy.
"Yeah, Ma? What is it?"
"Dance with this young thing," she said, her eyes drifting over me. "She's all alone...."
I danced with Mike, and I danced with Larry, and I danced with ten other guys, some of them handsome, some not. I enjoyed every minute. I felt like the life of the party, and I guess I was.
And then the drummer hit a roll, the lights went down, and I found myself sitting with Regina and Ralph as this woman came out and began dancing. She was a belly-dancer, and she was good.
"We hired her just for tonight," Ralph explained. "She's tops."
I watched her costume disappear, figuring that when she was nude, she'd go offstage. But that didn't happen. She leaned back on a small couch, spread her legs, and worked her hips as she opened the lips of her vagina with her fingers. And all of a sudden I got so hot, I couldn't believe it.
"Yeahhhh," I heard a couple men grunt. "Show it to us, baby. Show that lovely cunt...."
I felt a hand on my leg and looked up. It belonged to Regina, of air people.
"Delicious, isn't she?" Regina said, and I nodded.
I was in a stupor, my vision narrowed to a small corridor. I watched the dancer work her body over the couch, and then a man jumped up and went toward her, pulling his zipper open as he stumbled across the floor.
"Oooooh!" I heard a female voice squeal.
"Go ahead, brother! Go ahead!"
He mounted the woman and pushed his dick into her gaping pussy. She made no attempt to repulse him. In fact, she seemed to welcome him, her arms opening, her legs closing about him once his dick penetrated her vagina.
"Ohh, yeahhhh!"
"Whooooooooo! "
The place began to jump, and once the man had finished, another replaced him.
"Never seen anything like this before, eh, honey?" Ralph murmured.
I shook my head; I was speechless by that point.
Regina's hand was beneath my dress, her fingers probing my cunt. I spread my legs wider, wanting to feel her inside me. I had to have something in there, had to feel something fill my pussy. I was so hot, my mind was fogged. I didn't know where I was, didn't understand what was happening. I just wanted someone to take care of that terrible itch, the maddening desire that was ripping at my insides.
"Mmmmmmm," I moaned as Regina worked a finger into my cunt. "You don't know what you're doing to me. Oh, my God!"
Ralph heard this last mutter, and he turned to me and slid an arm over my shoulder.
"You like it?" he rasped. "You like what you see? Does it excite you?"
"Oh, yesssssss," I hissed. "Ohhhhh, it's too much. I wish I was out there. Ohhhh, I wish-"
My mind was spinning, and I don't think I realized what I was saying, "Then go ahead," he whispered. "Go ahead down on the stage. Go down there...."
He took my arm and helped me up, giving me a gentle push. I staggered into the next table, and a woman yelped.
"Help her down," I heard Ralph say. "She wants to go down on the stage!"
Several people laughed, and a man pushed me in the right direction. And then I was there, standing under the bright lights, hands pulling at my clothes. I looked at the dancer, stared between her thick thighs at the red, sopping pussy.
"Oooooh, what do we have here?" she mewed. "Come on, dear. You're next...."
Two men grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me to my knees, pulling me forward between her legs. I could smell the musky, hot scent of her cunt, dripping with come. And then my face was in it and her legs closed about my head. The world seemed to explode, and I felt someone prying at my buttocks, spreading my legs.
"Yessssss!" the dancer shrieked. "Yesssssssss, Ohhhhhhh, Jesus, yessssss!"
I went out of my mind. I sucked her hard, licking all that wetness from her cunt. She twisted and turned, rubbing my face with her strong, smooth thighs. The men let go of my shoulders because they knew that I didn't have to be held any longer. I had no intention of going anywhere. The music was ear splitting, the beat rocking through my body.
"Open wide!" I heard someone scream. "Open that damn cunt wide!"
I spread my legs and felt something pry at my ass. It hurt like hell, but it kept pushing. I didn't realize it, but I was being fucked in the ass. The pain was excruciating, and I remember I began to struggle.
"Too late," I heard someone cackle. "Too damn late!"
And then, as it had with Keith, the pain subsided, and I felt a sudden exhilarating. It felt good! Oh, my God, it felt good!
"She's comin' around," a voice said. "Okay, baby! Show us how much you like it!"
I pushed back, the thick cock plunging into my rectum as I sucked the slick pussy of the dancer. My mind clouded, and I just did what came naturally at that point. It was horrible, looking back now, but at the time I was in heaven, completely absorbed by what was happening. I felt the man come in my ass, his hot sperm jetting into me. I tasted the dancer's juices, the sweet hotness of her cunt as she twisted like an eel, her legs drawn up, her pussy jerking against my face.
"Hey! Wake up!"
Someone was nudging me, trying to wake me. I opened my eyes and found that I could barely see. The room seemed to sway slightly, and my vision was blurred.
"Gotta leave, honey. You can't stay here."
A heavyset man helped me to my feet. I was nude, and after I found my dress, I stumbled out onto the street, looking like a ragamuffin. I didn't know where I was, and I wondered how I'd get back home. Then I remembered my parents, and I expected that even if I did go home, they wouldn't take me in.
"Wilma! Pssssstt ... Wilma...."
I looked toward the voice and saw Keith sitting in his sports car. He motioned to me to come toward him. I tried to walk straight, but I weaved from side to side, and I felt embarrassed.
I had never been in this state before.
Ah, fuck it! I thought. Never had so much action before, either. I can take care of myself. Let's see what old Keith has to offer me....-
"Get in," he whispered when I got to the window. "Hurry up. Let's get out of here."
"Where we going?" I said loudly.
"Damn, be quiet, will you? We're going to my place. I don't live far from here."
"You want a little piece, eh?"
"No, not just that."
"And then you'll throw me out, like they did. So I can wander around 'til I find another man."
"No "
"The hell with you...."
I turned and walked away. I had no intention of letting old Keith get away. I just wanted to make sure he knew I couldn't be had with a few shallow promises.
"Wilma!" he called, pulling out and driving opposite me as I walked. "C'mon. Get in. I'm gonna take care of you. Look, I've got money "
Money! Now we were talking business....
[Note: In depicting herself as nothing more than a prostitute, Wilma is punishing herself for her behavior during the previous night. Her confusion caused her to run away from home, and the traumatic experience of that night has destroyed her romantic notions concerning sex. Unwittingly, she has taken her parents' part, deprecating herself because she has yielded to certain impulses under severe strain. She is afraid to return home, and she decides to use Keith to prolong her flight from her parents' influence.]
I got in the car, and we went to his apartment. It was beautiful, overlooking the East River. We had a few drinks, and he began kissing me. I didn't push him away.
"You're so lovely, Wilma," he murmured, kissing my neck as he tried to work his hand between my legs. "Last night was terrible. I didn't realize you were a virgin, and when I found out, I overreacted.
Please forgive me. I love you. We can be happy "
I doubted that. His whining nauseated me. He didn't seem to think about what he said, he just let the words tumble out, meaninglessly. He uttered every cliche he'd ever heard, and I just sat there smiling at him, not believing a word he said.
"You must understand," he rasped. "I lost my head last night. It won't happen again. I'm crazy about you. I've got to have you. I've got plenty of money. You won't have to worry about a thing."
"I need a hundred dollars," I said.
He just looked at me, slightly stunned.
"I haven't any clothes. I'll need some," I explained. I wanted to see whether he was pure bullshit, or just partly.
"All right," he said, getting to his feet. "I understand. I'll give it to you."
He did, too. And then we played around. I felt sexy, having gotten the best of him. He was going to take care of me, and in turn, I'd take care of him. His means were financial; mine were sexual.
"Ohhhh, yes, yes, yes," he moaned, slipping a finger inside my panties. "I dreamt about this last night. I wanted you so bad. I wanted you here...." I kissed him hard, grinding my mouth against his, and he started gasping like he was having a heart attack. It tickled me to think I could excite a man so....
"C'mon," I whispered. "Let's fuck. I'm hot. You turn me on...."
I don't think any chick ever lied to him like that. He really got worked up, tearing at his clothes and mine, pushing me on my back and climbing onto the sofa.
"Yeahhhh," he groaned. "Gonna fuck you good.
Gonna really give it to you "
He jabbed his dick against my pussy, but it didn't go in. He was too excited to control himself, and I knew that I'd have to do all the work. I took his cock and eased it into my pussy, and when it went in, he came instantly.
"Gahhhhhhh, ohhhhh. Wilmaaaaaaa "
"That was wonderful," he said. "I never had it like that before. Right on the damn sofa. Whew!" He was like a little boy whose greatest wet dream has come true. He disgusted me.
"I'm gonna take a shower," he said, getting up and plodding toward the bathroom.
"I'm going out!" I snapped, pulling on my dress and grabbing my bag. "I'll see you later, lover...." He didn't even look back.
"The car keys are on the table," he said. "Take the elevator to the basement. The kid will get the car for you...."
I went downstairs, and when I got to the basement, this darling boy came over and asked me what he could do for me. All of a sudden, I felt wicked. I wanted to have some fun.
"Get my car," I said.
He looked at the number on the key chain, looked at me, glanced at the number again, and smiled.
"You a friend of Mr. Erickson," he said matter-of-factly.
"Yes, we're very close."
I stepped toward him, throwing my shoulders back so my tits pushed against the material of the dress.
He didn't quite know what to make of that, becoming a little flustered.
"I'll ... I'll get the, uh, car...."
"Just lead me to it," I said, and I followed him through the dark garage.
We came to Keith's snappy little bug, and he gave me the keys.
"Just a minute," I said. "My name's Wilma. What's yours?
"Gary."
"Well, Gary, I expect I'll be seeing a lot of you. I'm going to be living here now, with Keith "
"Oh?"
"Yes. You know him well?"
"Not exactly."
"Do you like him?"
"Not exactly."
I laughed, moving closer to him. We stood between two cars, and he just didn't have any place to hide.
"I don't like him either," I said. "But I like you. I suppose all the women in this building like you, now don't they?"
"Not all "
A smart-aleck kid! He was a doll.
"And I'll bet they're very friendly."
"Not all."
I eased against him, and I could feel the hardness of his dick against my belly. "Well, I'm very friendly," I cooed, snaking my arms about his neck. "Very, very friendly . ... "
He grabbed me and kissed me, and I came on the spot. Now this was action! Our tongues twisted together, and I rubbed my pussy mound over his dick, working him into a damn frenzy.
"In the Adams car," he gasped, opening the rear door of the car behind him. "Hurry...."
I pulled my dress over my head and hopped out of my bra and panties as he shucked his pants off. He just stared at my body, drinking it in, and I wanted to eat him up! I was so hot, I thought I was going to erupt. The kid was all right; he'd make quite a man someday.
"All right, Gary," I murmured. "Just lie back and let me do the work."
He lay on the rear seat, and I got on top of him, guiding his dick up into me. I had seen the position in one of those illustrated sex manuals, and it seemed to me that now was the time for position number nine.
"Oh man!" he gasped. "Jesus...."
"Ain't it nice?" I teased, sucking at his cock with the lips of my vagina.
I had read about that, too, in one of my books. For a virgin, I was very knowledgeable. I read all those sexy books with the lurid covers. I studied hard to become what I am today.
He grabbed my tits, twisting them in his strong hands, and I leaned forward, pushing one into his mouth.
"Suck it," T ordered. "Suck it for me. It's so goooood. Yessss, Gary. That's it. You're doing fine. Just fine ... "
That kid worked me into a lather, and when he came, I came for about the fourth time. His come seemed scalding, and I jerked through my best orgasm to that date. I was ecstatic, and when we finished, I looked down at his deflated dick.
"Suck a pretty prick," I giggled. "So nice and big and strong...." I bent and sucked it between my lips, letting my tongue loll over it.
"Oh my God!" he moaned. "Ohhhh, yeahhh. That's fantastic! Shit, baby, go ahead! Oooooohhhh!"
Funny, but Keith sounded more like a boy than Gary. I really dug the kid.
"Gonna suck you off," I gasped, my words coming out jumbled and nearly incoherent. "Gonna suck you off. All the way...."
He lay back and let me have my way. I worked my tongue over him, sucking hard with my lips, and his hips started moving, pumping his prick into my mouth. He was fucking me in the mouth, and I loved it. He was able to last a long time, and I was glad I had fucked with him first. I didn't give a damn if I ever made it to the store.
"Gonna come!" I heard him gasp. "Gonna come now. Nowwwww! Ahhhhhh...."
His dick spurted, and sperm gushed into my mouth. It didn't seem as hot as when he unloaded in my pussy, but it didn't matter. The taste of it was strong, and it was thick. I liked it. I sucked as much of it from him as I could, gulping it down so I could take some more. He shoved his hands in my hair and pulled my mouth onto him, stuffing his cock halfway down my throat. I nearly gagged, but I took in air through my nose and stopped swallowing. I felt like his prick would go right through me, right down to my fucking toes!
"Here, take this," I said to him when we were finished, handing him a ten-dollar bill. "It's a tip. For getting my car. I'll be seeing you....
I left him lying nude on the back seat of that car, and when I went back upstairs, I felt like a million dollars. I found Keith drying himself in his room, his dick hanging down like a piece of rubber hose. I looked at it, and it seemed damned cute. I felt hot again, and I almost started laughing! I was turning into a damned nymphomaniac! God have mercy on my soul....
"Aren't you cute," I said, sitting next to him and addressing his cock as I toyed with it.
"Oh, Wilma, stop," he said, feeling uncomfortable.
"No. I like it. It does nice things to me."
His prick began to swell, and his chest rose and fell, his breath coming faster.
"Ever had it sucked before?" I asked, knowing the answer.
He'd say no, hoping that I'd get a kick out of giving him his first blow job.
"Yes," he answered.
I looked up at him, not believing my ears. The guy had absolutely no class.
"Well, then you don't need me, do you? Listen, gimme another hundred, will you? I found somethin' I want, but it costs about 150 bucks."
I wondered whether he'd go along with me. He did. We made it together for about six months, and then he told me he couldn't keep me any longer. Which was fine with me, 'cause I'd found me another man who was real anxious to take me home with him. I stayed with that dude for about three months, and then it all started to get down on me. I felt real bad, and I considered suicide. But I met this young guy, a writer, and we hit it off pretty good. Nothing sexual; just friends. He gave me your name....
REMARKS: Wilma's emotional problems stem basically from her unhappy relationship with her parents. In order to escape them, she runs away, allowing herself to be used by various men so that she need not-face her troubles directly. However, she willingly entered therapy and is working hard to unravel her tangled emotions.
CHAPTER NINE
PATIENT: Jack G., eighteen.
REMARKS: When Jack first consulted me, I immediately sent him to an M.D. who prescribed a strong tranquilizer, valium, to combat his hypertension. At first, he was reluctant to articulate his problems, but after several sessions, he was able to begin his story. He is a handsome boy, tall and with a good physique. His fifth session with me follows.
JACK: The problem with me is that I never had a father. I mean, I had one, but he died when I was still a baby. He was killed in a car accident, and I was raised by my mother and my aunt. They were a couple of straitlaced bitches, to put it bluntly, and I could barely stand the sight of them by the time I was seventeen.
My father had left me quite a bit of money, although I couldn't get my hands on it all. But I shared a joint bank account with my mother, and one day I went into the bank and withdrew the balance, 11,000 dollars. I just put the money in my pocket, got in the car, and drove to New York. I found an apartment in the West Village, over on Bank Street, within a week. The rent was 300 a month, and it was a fabulous place.
Now we begin to live! I thought. Enough of the past. Let the future commence....
I began hanging out in the local bars and discotheques, and within a couple weeks I had myself a strange coterie of friends. They were mostly spongers, but I didn't pay any attention to that trait. I was grateful to have any friends at all.
[Note: Jack's hostility towards his mother and aunt, who raised him strictly, cause him to begin a desperate search for identity and happiness. He mistakenly believes that he can buy both, and he embarks on a spending spree.]
One night I met this girl, Melannie. She was working at this discotheque as a dancer, and I managed to get her attention and persuade her to sit with me and have a drink. We talked for a while, and I made it clear that I had plenty of money I wanted to spend.
"Out for a good time, eh?" she smiled.
"That's right, baby," I said. "Wanna come along? I think we could groove good together." I didn't know what I was talking about. I was scared stiff, a virgin who didn't know how to make a woman do what he wanted. I just hoped she'd go along with me, sleeping with me in the process.
"Okay, honey," she said. "Off we go!" She went backstage and got her coat. She was sexy as hell, with a great body and long blonde hair. Her speech was kind of hard, and she seemed too old for her age, which was nineteen, but I dug her. I wanted to fuck her, wanted to do all those crazy-wild things I had dreamed about, read about.
"Let's go, Diamond Jack," she said when she came out. "Whisk me away on your white stallion...."
She giggled, and I hugged her close, feeling the smooth roundness of her hips as we walked outside and got in the car. As we drove through the narrow streets, she opened her purse and took out a small brown bag. She held it upside-down, but nothing fell out.
"Empty," she said. "Listen, you want me to get a refill?"
"Of what?"
"Smoke. What's the matter, don't you smoke?"
"A pipe...."
"Well, I'll be damned. I'm talking about pot, love. Marijuana. Grass. You know, smoke!"
"Oh, sure, I smoke," I lied. "Let's get some more."
"Turn right here and give me thirty dollars. I'll get an ounce."
I gave her the money, and she entered an ugly building with huge wooden doors that looked as if they had once belonged to a castle. When she came out she was smiling, and she held the bag up. It was fat with marijuana.
"Lovely," I murmured, excited as hell. "Just lovely "
When we got inside the apartment, I grabbed her, and she came against me, those luscious tits flattening against my chest. I didn't want to bother with any pot. I wanted to fuck her instantly. Instant pussy....
"Calm down, lover," she purred, nibbling at my earlobe. "We got all night...."
She rolled two reefers and handed me one. I smoked it, drawing deeply, sucking the fumes into my lungs and holding my breath, just like she told me. I didn't feel anything at first, but I guess I was fighting it because I was scared. I thought I might lose control and hurt myself doing some stupid thing. But it came down on me all of a sudden, like a load of bricks falling three stories. The room ebbed and flowed, and my thoughts seemed crystal clear, except that I had difficulty following them to any conclusion. I gabbed like a magpie, and she got a kick out of it.
"You really loosen up when you smoke, don't you?" she said. "You're a talker...."
"I got a confession to make," I mumbled. "I never smoked before. Not once. Never."
Her eyes seemed to light up, and she pulled out the cigarette paper and rolled two more reefers.
CHAPTER ONE
-
"In that case, let's really lose our minds," she said.
I considered turning her down, but I was afraid she'd get mad. So I smoked another one.
"Ohhh, man! I groaned, feeling like the whole world was surrounded by my mind. "Shit, am I high!"
She laughed and moved into my lap, rubbing her ass over my cock as we kissed. I stuck my hand under her dress and felt for her pussy. I was surprised to find that she wore no panties. Her legs draped open, and I fondled my first pussy, working one finger, then two, into her slick vagina. She began to wheeze and gasp, and I slid her off me and led her to the bedroom.
"Just a minute," she said when we had undressed. "I want to do it my way...." She reached into her purse and pulled out a mean-looking whip. I couldn't believe my eyes. A whip? What the hell was happening?
"I want you to whip me," she whined, moving onto the bed. "Just hit me with it, punish me. I'm bad, I really am. Hurt me, hurt me and I'll make you so happy you won't know where you are. Please. Please!"
She spread her cock-teasing softness out on my bed, and when I looked down at her, something in my mind went click! I raised the whip, then brought it down on her belly.
"Ooooooohhhh!" she screamed. "Ooooohhh, yesssss, beat me! Beat hell out of me! Ummmmmmm!"
The chick wanted to be punished, so I punished her. I let the lashes snap against her pussy, and she went into convulsions, her body jerking and writhing on the bed. By that time, I was hot as fire and feeling woozy. So I dropped the whip and fell on her. She spread her strong legs wide, and I slid between them, pushing my dick into her cunt. I had trouble finding her, jabbing at her, hoping the damn thing would just go in! And finally it did. I fucked her hard, ramming it into her with long, hard thrusts.
"Mmmmmpfh! Ohhhh, do it to me!" she groaned. "Fuck me good, honey. Make me love it!"
I loved every second, and I couldn't hold out very long, my dick dying to unload.
"I'm gonna come, baby," I said, trying to make her jump up there with me, hoping that she'd come too.
"Yes, yes, go ahead," she gasped.
Her legs climbed my back, her heels digging into me, and I let it go. Man, I'll never forget that first one, not as long as I live. I thought my prick was afire, and as come spewed out of me, she jerked her pussy over my cock, sucking at it, drawing every drop of sperm out of me.
"Whew! That was outta sight," I said as we lay together.
And then she was on her feet, and she had to whip in her hand.
"Hey! What the hell?"
"You bastard!" she screamed, bringing the whip down hard. "You made me do it! You made me!"
I went for her, but she slashed the whip across my face, and it stung like hell. She hit me a few more times, and suddenly I began to like it. Her tits were flopping around like huge melons, and her golden cunt was glistening, still wet with our come. She looked ferocious, and I was terrified-pleasantly terrified, you might say.
[Note: Jack is unaware that the girl's beating serves as punishment, that she is substituting for his mother as a disciplinarian. He feels guilty about leaving home and making love to the girl, and he allows her to beat him so that his guilt might be assuaged.]
"Look at you!" she screamed. "Look at your ugly dick! It's so big, full of blood and ready to fuck. You wanna fuck? You wanna fuck Melannie?"
Before I could answer, she dropped the whip and climbed onto the bed. My body was burning, welts popping up all over me. But when she eased that pussy over my prick, I forgot about everything else but the motion of her body against mine.
"Baby, that's too much!" I gasped. "You're fantastic! Fuck me! I love you! Fuck hell out of me!"
I grabbed her hips, twisting the soft flesh in my hands. Then I played with her tits, pushing her back so that I could get a good look at her body. She smiled, and I thought I'd come. I slipped my hand around her and felt my cock as it slid into her. She rode me as if I were a pony, and by the time I was ready to come, I was out of my mind.
"Now! Make it now!" I babbled, gripping her hips and jerking her over my dick.
She Squealed, increasing the pace of her movements. The lips of her cunt seemed to suck the tip of my cock, and I felt my orgasm struggle to erupt. And when I came, I twisted my head back, gritting my teeth as I shot it into her.
"You're groovy," she murmured when we were through. "You really went for the whip bit, didn't you?"
"Yeah, it was fun. Weird...."
"Never had it before?"
"Nope. Never even had a woman before."
"You're kidding."
"No."
"You make me feel very old. Well, you fucked me good for the first time, I'll say that."
When she left, I crawled into bed, but I couldn't sleep. I remembered how it felt when she beat me, and I began to masturbate. I wanted to go out and bring her back and make her whip me again, and again. And when I came in my hand, the sensation was exquisite, much more intense than it had been when I had jerked off before.
I went back to the discotheque the next night, but she wouldn't go home with me. She said she had another date, but she gave me the address of a woman who could give me what I wanted-for a price. The idea disgusted me at first; I didn't want to traffic with whores. But I knew that if I asked a normal woman to beat me, she'd just laugh. So I dialed the phone number Melannie had given me.
A woman answered, her voice deep and sultry. I told her I wanted to make an appointment.
"Tonight?"
"Yes. Around eight...."
"Full bondage?"
My heart nearly skipped a beat. I was tremendously excited. This promised to be better than the previous night. "Yes, full bondage."
She gave me the address and told me to ring for her.
"My name is Carla," she purred. "I'll be expecting you."
Click....
I was there in plenty of time, but when I rang the bell, no one answered. So I went back to my car and sat waiting. When it was five of eight, I rang again, and the buzzer sounded. I opened the door and walked in. The house was a private brownstone, what they call a townhouse. It was expensively decorated, and I followed a sign that led me upstairs to a bare room, furnished only with a chair.
And then Carla came out.
I nearly fell off the damn chair. She was an incredibly beautiful woman, tall, with jet-black hair and a bronze, sun-tanned face. She looked very domineering, which was partly a result of her outfit. She wore knee-high boots, a black corset, black gloves, and trailing from her hand was a long, wicked-looking whip.
"Go inside," she ordered sternly, and I found myself obeying.
"Give me the fifty dollars and walk over to the wall," she said when I had undressed.
I gave her the loot, and she came toward me, smiling like the devil incarnate. The room was dark, and all sorts of apparatus lined the wall manacles, leg irons, ropes, the works. My dick was standing up straight as a soldier, and she looked down at it.
"You like me?" she said softly. "You like the way I look? Eh?"
"Yes. You're gorgeous. So sexy...."
I wasn't high at that point, but what happened next brought me as high as if I'd smoked grass.
"Kiss me," she said. Get down on your knees and kiss me...."
I did as she ordered, sliding my tongue over the smooth leather of her boots, tasting the bitterness and loving it. I moved up her leg, until I was kissing her black pussy, working my tongue into her cunt. She twisted her hands in my hair, and I felt as if I'd faint.
"That's nice," she whispered. "You may do that. I like it. You'll do exactly as I please-you understand?"
I nodded, and she pushed me away.
"You're a disgusting boy," she snapped. "You make me sick!"
Before I knew it, she had me in the manacles and leg irons, and the feel of the metal digging into my flesh heightened my excitement. And then she raised the whip and brought it down hard across my prick. She looked so fierce, so sexy, that I lost control. The lashes snaked across my cock, and still I maintained my erection, the pain subsiding. And then the pain became pleasure, as she lashed me again and again. I felt something snap inside of me, and I began screaming, yelling at the top of my lungs as she beat me.
My dick spurted, and sperm streamed from it, jetting out onto her. She rubbed it over her body, moving forward to grind her cunt against me, driving her tongue into my mouth. I don't know how to accurately describe the intensity of that moment. I may have lost consciousness, I was so exhilarated.
"You're terrible!" she screeched suddenly, stepping back. "You awful boy!"
And then she resumed beating me, whipping the lashes across my ebbing dick. Finally, I was spent, and she released me.
"I didn't give you what you paid for, but you got your money's worth," she said. "I'll put you in full bondage next time, maybe. You're not ready yet....
I staggered out the back door and I had to walk a block before I got to my car. I was exhausted, and I just slumped behind the wheel, trying to regain my strength.
This is bad, very bad, I thought. You're losing your mind, paying somebody to treat you like that. You can't go back. You can't....
But I did.
I went back again and again, and her treatment became more and more brutal. She would tie me in ropes, then twist my hair with her hand, slicing the whip across my dick as she yanked my head back. I was paying to be tortured, and she did an excellent job of it.
I never fucked her. She would drive me to an orgasm without my ever touching her. Occasionally, she would allow me to kiss her, to suck her pussy for a few brief moments when she needed some kind of relief herself. But I never put my dick into her, and that was what drove me mad. I mean, I'm not mad yet, but I thought I was, because when I tried to fuck this girl I met, I couldn't.
Man, it was a bad scene, as bad as it could be.
And so finally I went to the hospital. I had run out of money and I couldn't afford to pay Carla for her special treatment. I tried to talk this one chick into beating me, but she sat looking at me as if I'd asked her to cut my prick off.
The guy at the hospital sympathized with me, but he said he couldn't help me, that I needed a specialist. So I went home to face the music, but surprisingly, my mother was happy to see me. I told her everything, and although she was very shocked, she said she'd help me. She talked to our family physician, and he mentioned your name.
So that's where I'm at Doc. I hope you can help me...."
REMARKS: Jack is a bright boy, and he is honest, a trait that will serve him well in therapy. It took courage for him to go to the hospital and consult a doctor about his behavior, and it took even more courage for him to return home to face his mother. Fortunately, she saw the errors she had made, and I think that with continuing psychotherapy, Jack can gain a degree of emotional balance and live a full life. Once his guilt feelings are allayed, the masochistic impulses that drove him to Carla will be sharply reduced. He will resume having normal sexual relations, his considerable sexuality channeled in a healthy direction.
