As a Doctor of Psychiatry, I have often noted the lasting effect that the first sexual encounter can have on my female patients. All too often, that first, irremediable breaking of the seal will stamp an indelible, and sometimes traumatic, image on the impressionable mind of the devirginized woman. Especially if the woman ought "more properly to be described as a mere girl.
The women I met with were of varying ages. A few were no more than little girls. One, in fact, had her first taste of sexual congress at the incredible age of nine. More incredible than that, her first partner was her ten year old brother. But more incredible still, she seemed not to suffer from the experience: if anything, she seemed to enjoy it!
Then there is the case of Ruby D., who lost her virginity to a gang of high-school football players at an after-game orgy. She was not much older than the first girl I mentioned, and her reaction was even more brazen.
A rather different case was that of Olga O., a middle-aged librarian who had a sickening experience at the age of thirty-five when she was assaulted by a feeble-minded janitor at closing time in a remote comer of the stacks. The experience, however, seems to have served her well in the long run.
I spoke with a number of other women in the course of my researches, and feel I have gained a new perspective on a universal problem. My results cover the whole gamut of feminine reactions, and will hopefully prove informative and edifying to the mature readers for whom this book was written.
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CASE HISTORY ONE
Subject: Joyce G. Age: Sixteen
INTERVIEW ONE
Joyce is a pretty girl with light blonde hair that combs smartly around her face, and a smile, It is easy to see how a man, even a man much older than her, could see her as a very desirable sexual object.
Joyce is proportioned well, with a tall body, long legs, high buttocks, full bosom, and very pale delicate skin. She came to my office dressed in a conservative outfit, but her latent sexuality was always apparent.
She was rather amiable and easy-going, wanting to tell me the experience, wanting to get it out of her mind in some way. The following case reveals aspects of what it means to be de-flowered in our society, especially by a man older and more experienced.
Well, Doc, I guess I'm here because of the trauma. That's not my word, but it applies I think. My father said that. He said that the incident was a trauma. Of course, he didn't know, and I didn't tell him, that it wasn't a trauma at all. I mean, I guess you could say I was forced, if you want to push it, but you could also say Mr. Ross was forced. I mean, I really teased him.
Mr. Ross is my history teacher at school, and he's in his forties or so, and he's really a nice guy. Well, I had a crush on him at the beginning of the year, and it was getting out of hand, like, every time he'd call on me I'd fluster and gaggle, even if I had the answer to the question right on hand. It was getting insane, but it was funny also, you know?
Alright, I guess you don't want to hear the funny parts. Anyway, I was doing a lot of flirting in those days, and with anyone who turned me on. A lot of the boys at school were just noticing me. I mean, when the term ended last year, I didn't look quite like this. My breasts got big over the summer. It was really strange. All of a sudden my hips got very rounded, and my breasts finally started to pop out nice and perky. Well, I was delighted with myself when I got back to school, and it seemed that a lot of the boys there felt the same way I did about me. They thought I was super.
It was interesting and fun, you know? I mean, last year I'd had some attention. But I was only fifteen, and you know, it wasn't the same. This year, everyone at once seemed to notice that I was hot stuff.
Mr. Ross noticed it with a wide-eyed look of approval, and he started speaking to me differently. I mean, his voice got lower and his words got softer, and he would really flirt with me.
Of course I saw it coming. I mean, I encouraged it. I would wear really revealing blouses. You know the kind of blouses that sort of drape over a girl's breasts? Well, I wore those all the time, only now I had my big breasts for the material to drape over, and I was an eye-stopper of the first order.
Mr. Ross had me after class for a conference. Now, I'm going back about two months, I guess, because the whole thing exploded after a few weeks, and since then my parents have been getting progressively difficult, wanting to know where I am all the time and things like that.
Anyway, Mr. Ross had me stay for a conference, and there was nobody else in his office, so he suggested I come up and we can talk.
"About what, Mr. Ross?"
He acted occupied, and just told me to meet him there in fifteen minutes, and then he started straightening out papers on his desk, so I just left the room and went up to his office.
I had to wait outside because it was locked, but he came up in about five minutes and opened the door.
Mr. Ross is a fine looking man, with a mustache and gray and black hair, and a good build. He doesn't look like what you think a teacher should look like at all.
I sat down, and he moved his chair around, so that he wasn't behind his desk. I suspected he was doing that so he could look at my legs, but I was pleased, and flirted. I crossed my legs and showed him some of my creamy thigh, and he responded. It was strange. I mean, being alone with him, I realized that I was affecting him very strongly. Really strongly! He was having a hard time staying calm.
I guess I should say that at this point my sexual experience was nil. I had never even let a boy touch my tits before. I mean, I'd wanted to, but I'd just blossomed, just become really attractive to boys, and I hadn't gotten around to it yet.
Well, I could see very easily that something was coming, but I didn't know what. He was just so tense, and at the same time, trying to act like he was just talking to me about my term project. It was like, maybe a month into the term, and that shit shouldn't even come up for another month or so. That was the clue though. That was how I knew what he really wanted. That, and his eyes on my body, on my breasts.
"You really got pretty, didn't you, Joyce?" he asked me, a sly look on his face. "Well, thank you!"
I flushed. I wasn't used to an older man looking at me like that.
"Tell me, have you had sex yet?"
That was a shocker, the way he just let it roll out like that. He was smoking a cigarette and trying not to look at me as he said that, but then his eyes met mine, and it was me that tried not to look at him.
"Ann, no. Not really."
"Not really? A beautiful girl like you."
"Well, I just haven't gotten around to it, and I think maybe I'm a little young for it, anyway. You know, I mean, it can get you in trouble."
Actually, my mother insisted that I go on the pill over the summer. I guess she knew I was budding, and there was the possibility of some man noticing it as well as her.
"Yes, that's true. You have to be careful who you pick to play around with."
He was obviously suggesting himself now, and I can't help it, but I was flattered. I mean, here was this man who had his shit together, not like some high school punk, and he was interested in me. It made me feel like a woman.
"Well, yes. I suppose I'll have to be careful."
Mr. Ross smiled.
"Do you know my first name?"
"Ernie!"
I'd read it on his program book.
"That's right. You can call me Ernie when nobody is around. When we're in class, I'm Mr. Ross again. Okay?"
I smiled. I was really flattered, just by him taking his time with me.
"Sure, Ernie."
I giggled when I said it the first time, and he told me I had really pretty eyes and a great smile, and he said that if I was taught right, I'd be one sexy item in no time flat.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, if the right man shows you what love is about, it'll help a lot, baby. You must know that."
"Well, I hadn't thought about it," I lied.
"Time to think about it, Joyce."
At this point he got up and told me to get up, and I did. We stood facing each other, and I half-wondered if he was going to make a move, or tell me we'd be speaking again in the near future.
I should have known better. He just grabbed me and pulled me towards him, and the next thing I know he's teaching me how to kiss. Now, I mean really kiss.
He was sucking on my lips, his tongue running over my teeth, and he was beginning to run his hands over my body, over my breasts and groin.
You know, if it was somebody else I might have stopped him, but I was so flattered, I thought I'd let it run for awhile. What the hell, I figured?
He was getting hot quickly. His hands were all over me, and his breath was coming in bursts of steam. His hands were quick, and he was under my skirt, his fingers on my pussy, moving my panties aside skillfully.
"Ohhhhh, you are one sweet little bitch," he said, and I thought that he betrayed himself, that he didn't mean to say that at all.
I was starting to get very hot, and I couldn't believe it was happening so quickly, and right in his office. What he did was amazing. He lifted me up, so that my ass was on his desk, and then Mr. Ross, Ernie, got down on his knees, spreading my legs around his neck so that his lips were right up to my pussy.
I got a little afraid, and I tried to get up, but he held me down with heavy hands, and soon he was licking at my pussy with his tongue, and there was no way I wanted to get up!
That was my first experience with real sex. I had masturbated a few times, but that didn't feel anything like having this man's tongue on my pussy. He was a master at sucking a girl's pussy, and that's for sure.
I was gasping, moaning, my hair all messed up, my make-up running as tears of joy came to my eyes, and yet, through this whole thing, I was afraid. Every once in awhile, I would insist that he stop, and I would cry and beg him to stop.
He couldn't even hear me and I knew it. My inner thighs were around his ears, and all he could hear was a low moan when I spoke.
I was clutching at his hair, holding his head down on my pussy as he lapped at me.
Doc, all I can say is that that man is one hell of a cuntsucker. I hope that term doesn't bother you. When he looked up from my pussy, his whole face was wet.
"That's your pussy dew," he said, a dreamy look on his face.
I stroked his cheek, feeling a new sensation. I wanted to force his head back into my crotch, but I didn't know how to be aggressive.
In a second, he looked down and began to dig his tongue into my twat again. Mostly, he was pounding his tongue down on my clitoris, but his tongue was also sliding into the lips of my twat, and even sliding back to my asshole. When he licked my asshole I felt a warmth rise in me that I can still remember vividly.
Then, I felt his finger slide into my asshole, and I was astonished, but I was also having my very first orgasm, so my reaction was to sigh and moan and I guess, in effect, encourage him.
He was lapping my pussy and sliding his finger in and out of my asshole, when my orgasm took over and ran through my body, flooding my sensations and making me crazy with delight.
"Ohhhh, Ernie! That feels so good, Ernie!"
Again, he couldn't hear me. My legs were really tight to his ears.
He looked up at me, and he was watching my breasts heave, so I made them dance really special for him. He started lapping really hard, and in a matter of a few seconds I was having another orgasm, not knowing where they were coming from. Before I'd walked into that room, I'd never had an orgasm in my life.
It was strange, but let me tell you it was fun! Ernie lapped at my pussy for a long time, a real long time, but then he got up and took his pants off.
"What if someone comes in?" I said.
I was just looking for a reason to stop. I'd had my pleasure, and I knew he was going to want his. I didn't know what he wanted from me, exactly, but I had a good idea, and I was so hung-up that despite all the pleasure he'd given me, I didn't want to fuck for him. Not then. I mean, I wanted to, but I wasn't ready to!
It was such a strange feeling. As soon as I saw his big cock, I was struck by fear. Before I saw it, I was thinking that if his tongue feels good, his cock's going to feel great. But then, when I took one look at his cock, I was afraid.
Well, that didn't stop him. That's when I really got scared, when I realized that Ernie, Mr. Ross, was no longer the calm teacher I knew him as. He was a flaming ball of passion, and he was going to stick that cock into me no matter what I did.
I tried to struggle, but he had me flat on his big desk, and he had a long, strong hand on my body. I mean, I could fight, but just so much.
Ernie moved quickly, getting me hot again with his fingers, and this time I learned what a good lover can do with his hands. He had fingers all over me. On my clitoris, on my asshole, in my pussy.
It felt like a high electrical charge passing through me or something. I mean, it was really that weird, you know? Then, and this is the strangest part I guess, I stopped him and told him not to put his cock in me.
"I'm a virgin!"
It was weird. As on-fire as he was, he stopped and looked at me a moment. "You're crying, Joyce."
He started to lick the tears and sweat off of my face, and then he began to poke his cock around my pussy, holding me down on the desk with his hands on my waist. His hands were strong as hell, and I was losing the will to fight, anyway.
His cock entered the lips of my pussy, and he told me that it was going to hurt a little for a minute, but that it would go away soon. It would be fine soon. I believed that, and I just held my breath while he forced it in.
Ohhhh, Doc! That big cock sank into me and I was on fire with him. It felt even better than his tongue, and it was moving fast. In and out, up and down, his whole body's force behind each stroke. It was insane the way he was letting me have it. His cock was so quick and slick I had an orgasm within the first couple of seconds!
That meant three orgasms in a matter of less than an hour. Three orgasms in my whole life, and all right then and there. He was leaving a very strong impression on me, to say the very fucking least!
Well, he was also going through something very nice for himself and I could see that.
"Joyce, baby, I love the hot balls of your ass, baby. Lift those cheeks to me, bitch. You really have a hot young body, baby," he moaned.
I was enjoying listening to him, and it was so nice to come with him telling me what a hot saucy cunt I had. It was the most sexual experience I ever had. You know, I hear a lot of people are let down by their first experience with sex. I mean, they've been told that it's great, and then it's no big deal, or something like that.
Well, my experience has been the opposite. I mean, it was so sexually strong and pleasant, I've been trying to duplicate it ever since.
That's another story, Doc. I'll get back to Ernie. He'd popped my cherry, and he was still digging it into me, his hands cupping my ass, his cock driving into me at a furious pace.
"You have the tightest pussy I've ever fucked, Joyce," he moaned.
His big cock was moving like a steam shovel as he rammed it deep in my cunt. I was beginning to glow with pleasure, when I felt his finger slide in my ass again, and that set me off.
This time, my orgasm was so severe that I took him with me. That's how he acted, anyhow, like it was a reaction. I tightened my twat around his cock a lot when I came, and then I could feel him pulse.
That was really nice! As his cock started to pulse, I realized that he was coming. Of course, it helped that he told me.
"That's it, Joyce, you sweet little bitch. I'm going to come in that hot pussy!"
His cock was shooting cream into me, and I was gasping, hysterical with pleasure, as he moaned and fucked away at me!
He finished, and his weight came down on me as he realized how exhausted he was. It was strange. I mean, we were both covered with sweat, and when he sank down on me my tits flattened out and his big chest and my chest were really tight together. It felt good.
I could feel his cock inside me, and I tightened my twat, just to see if he would notice. His cock was getting soft, and I wasn't sure if he would even notice that I did it.
He noticed! He smiled, and he started moving in and out again, his cock getting hard all at once, right inside me! That was great!
Well, he fucked me again, but this time he lifted my long leg over his head and spun me around, so that his cock was in me from behind.
That was strange. I didn't know that could even be done.
"I love to watch those pointy little tits bounce," he moaned, as his cock started to dig into me, this time from the rear.
He told me to push the cheeks of my ass together.
"I love to bounce on that sweet pale ass, baby!" he moaned.
I started to wiggle my ass every time his balls and belly came down on it, driving his cock in my pussy.
"Joyce, keep that twat tight for me, baby!" he moaned, digging it into me!
"Ohhh, Ernie. I love that hot cock!"
You see, I wasn't pretending I didn't want it anymore, not even to myself. I was just following my own impulses, and they were to fuck, fuck, and then fuck a little!
I hope that doesn't sound crude, Doctor, but that was the way it was. Actually, it sounds healthy, doesn't it? Well, fuck all that, because it's all a matter of opinion.
Anyway, I came quickly on the second fuck, because the new angle afforded by fucking backwards was really groovy to feel.
He was holding back, so that he could lick at my profile and run his hands over my pointy tits and tight round ass as long as he could. That's what he told me at least.
Soon though, he couldn't hold it in any longer, and his cock started to erupt right on the spot, shooting out hot come into my pussy.
That was a pleasure, to feel my pussy taking in all that hot sauce, and I danced for him really nice as I felt the heat of his shot!
"Ohhhhh, that feels good, Ernie!"
My breasts were flat to the wood of the desk, as was my belly, and I was uncomfortable to be sure, but I didn't even realize all that until it was over. As soon as we'd both had an orgasm, it hit me that I was damp and sweaty, as well as cold and sore from the wood of the table. I was also sore from his big cock, and that hit me quickly, as soon as he let it drop out.
"How are you?" he asked, drying my face off with one of those awful industrial towels.
"Wow!"
That's all I said. I sat down and he started to help me, almost force me, to get dressed. That was because I was in a stupor, sort of, and I couldn't seem to move by myself. It was strange as hell, let me tell you. Oh, is my time up? Well, I'll fill you in on the rest next session, Doc. Thanks for everything.
INTERVIEW TWO
Well, Doc, me and Ernie got to be very good friends to say the fucking least. I mean, I was always hot to fuck him, and that turned out to be a drag because he wasn't always able. He has a wife and another mistress.
I learned quickly enough, that I was just part of his harem, but that didn't upset me, because he explained it away. You have to realize, Doc, that this man had a terrible amount of control over my head. I mean, he was my teacher, my lover, and the most experienced man I'd ever come across. He was smarter and smoother than my father, than my two brothers, than anyone I knew!
And he was so good looking, really. He's old, but he's so sharp, and his body is really tight.
"I want you to be my special girl, Joyce," he said. I didn't know what he was getting at, but he got their quick enough.
"I want you to learn to suck cock really nice. I want you to be my cocksucker!"
He could say things like that to me because he knew I was going to take it, and like it. He could tell right off that I got horny when he said dirty things, and he liked saying them. I could tell that.
On this particular day, the day he decided that I was to be his cocksucker, he was making me stand before him nude, while he stood there, pinching my taut nipples and letting me know how beautiful he thought I was.
"I'm going to show you how a cock likes to be sucked," he said.
He moved his lips down to my nipples, and he grasped one in his mouth, beating on the taut nipple with his tongue, really making me dizzy with a new sensation.
"How do you like that on your nipple?" he asked me.
"Ernie, you know that feels great!"
He smiled. He knew all about it. He was just playing with me most of the time when he asked me how something felt, because he already knew all about it.
He started to show me how he was whipping my nipples with his tongue, fluttering his tongue over them, and then circling the halo of my nipple with his tongue.
"Doesn't that feel nice, baby?"
"Ohhhhhh, yes!"
He stopped and looked up, taking my nipples in his fingers now, to keep them taut.
"Well, get down and do that to my cock, baby. Your lips were made for sucking cock, Joyce!"
He was cupping my chin and looking directly into my eyes .and at my lips when he said that, and I was amazed at the passion in his eyes.
I could feel his cock pulse in my hand, and I knew, as he put his hands on my shoulders and started to lower me down to his cock, that I would have to perform. That is, I would have to perform if I wanted to be his favorite. That's what he wanted from me, and that's what I decided to be!
I allowed him to place me, and he moved me slowly to the floor, on my knees. We were in a hotel room, and there was a thick rug, so it didn't bother me in the least to be on my knees. Well, his cock was big and hard.
"Lick my balls first, Joyce. Put my balls in your mouth and lap at them!"
I did what I was told, and I started to like it at once. I was thinking of how great it felt when he ate my pussy for me, and I wanted to make him feel at least as good as he made me feel, so I was making one hell of an effort.
I let his balls slide in my mouth and sucked on them as long as I could, and he told me to take my fingertips lightly, and move them along the shaft of his cock.
"Rub my cock on your face, Joyce. I want to see it on your nose and cheeks, on your neck."
His balls slid but of my mouth, and he started to rub his cock around on my face, telling me I was going to be the hottest bitch that ever got her lips on his cock.
He suddenly wasn't fooling around or being affectionate. All at once, he grasped my head firmly with his hands, and made my lips go to his cock.
"Start with a lick!"
My tongue came out and circled his big cock, dancing over the very tip. There was some lube on his cock, and I licked it off, which he really liked.
He moved me away and smeared the lube all over my full lips, and he said that he wanted me to flutter my tongue over his cock the way he fluttered his tongue over my nipples.
Well, that's what I did, and did he ever go wild! It was a heavy moment in my life, because I realized that I could provide a lot of pleasure with a minimum of effort. One little lick in the right spot, and he would dance like a maniac. I do mean a maniac!
He was humping his big cock into my mouth in no time, fucking me so hard I lost the ability to flutter my tongue. My tongue was just stuck on the bottom of my mouth, as his big cock filled up my whole mouth.
"Take that cock in deep, Joyce. I love to see your sweet lips around my cock, baby!"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."
"I love the way your hair gets wild, and your lips pout when you suck, woman."
It was nice to have him call me his woman. I mean, I always thought I was his little girl, and his Women were kept apart. Now, I realized that I was his woman, and maybe if I played it right, I'd be his favorite woman at that.
I let my tongue go to work again. The way I did that was to grab the thick shaft of his cock in my fist, and just let the tip charge in and out of my mouth. That way, I had the control I needed to do to his cock what he did to my nipple. Namely, whip it with my tongue!
He moaned and watched my mouth carefully, and soon I saw his face flood with a warm look, as he seemed to be melting with the sight of what was happening to him.
"I'm going to come in that beautiful mouth of yours, baby," he moan.
I could feel his cock pulsing in my fist. I figured, if it felt good to tighten my pussy when I was fucking him, it must be the same if I just keep my fist tight around his cock as my tongue whipped the flaming tip of his rod.
That's what I did. I squeezed the hard shaft of his rod, and he appreciated that. I must say he lit up when I got the hang of it.
He started to shoot all at once, and my first reaction was to wonder what I was supposed to do with the hot liquid that was jetting onto my tongue.
"Drink it down, baby.. It's hot sauce for your tongue," he moaned.
I was excited, and followed his suggestion, finding it to be bittersweet. I was moaning, my nostrils flaring to take in air, my whole body sweating, and he was above me, his hand on my brow.
"Sweet Joyce. I knew you'd be a great cocksucker. Lick it off for me, baby!"
Licking the come off his cock, I started to wonder what he was going to do now. Was he going to fuck me again? Was he going to make me do this now, all the time? I liked his cock in my mouth, but certainly not all the time. I mean, I wanted it in my pussy too.
We worked it out. I mean, he did want me to be his cocksucker mostly, and that was that. But we worked it out! He was giving me some cock when I wanted it, and he was always ready to lick my pussy, which he said he had a taste for.
Then, the lid blew. Happened like this. One of my mother's friends was having an affair with a man from another town, and they were using the same damn hotel that Ernie and I used.
My parents got the information at once, and I was in trouble. Of course, they didn't know who the man was, but they made me talk. You know how it is with parents, especially when something so outrageous happens. They have a way of making you miserable until you talk.
Well, I had to give Ernie's name, even, and now he's in a mess as well as me. It's too bad. I said he didn't rape me, and I don't think he did. It seems though, that the law has another term for it, and he's in trouble anyway. I was only fifteen when it happened. I just turned sixteen. I hope nothing bad happens to Ernie, because he didn't hurt me.
I know his wife didn't leave him, so I think it's just a matter of him maybe losing his job. Big hassle, but better than anything worse. Like, my father could press charges. At least that's what he threatens to do if I ever see Ernie again.
Now, I find that I can't get the right kind of sex. I mean, those boys at school are really silly, and you have to lead them by the hand if you want them to get anything done for you. Pain in the ass. I wish I had Ernie back, right now!
CONCLUSION
This case is typical in that the man who took the virginity of the girl was someone in a condition of power over her. Sometimes this power is love, but more often, it is a situational power. A man in a particular role, is more likely to get his way with a young virgin, than a man in another role. For instance, a teacher has his pick of temptations, and his obvious power, with which he can manipulate and arrange the seduction.
Joyce, as with most girls in a situation like that, found herself flattered that such an important person should desire her. The fact that his importance was really quite limited, didn't enter her mind at all.
According to what I was told, Joyce didn't instigate the incident by flirting or posing for him to make him want her. From what I gathered, her delightful appearance and sexiness instigated Ernie more than anything she might have done or said.
Of course, this is largely a crime without a victim. Joyce is grateful to Ernie for teaching her so much so quickly, and Ernie, even if he didn't respect the law, even if he did use his power without professional ethics, did no direct harm to the girl, other than making an excellent lover out of her.
I told Joyce to worry less about the whole thing, and it would eventually work out. I told her to feel no responsibility for Ernie, who is old enough to know he is taking chances, and to continue her search for satisfaction in bed.
She appreciated my honesty, and left with a smile. No further appointments were necessary.
CASE HISTORY TWO
Subject: Melanie Z. Age: Sixteen
INTERVIEW ONE
Melanie is a cute girl with frosted blonde and brown hair cut short around her pixie face. Her wide hazel eyes are beautiful, and again with a case like this, she appears to be very sexual, and it is easy to understand how an older man could find her attractive.
In this case it was her stepfather. The man married her mother, moving in on their quiet household.
Melanie's ability to articulate her problems, lets this case unfold rather easily.
Well, Doc, when Frank moved in I was pleased. I mean, my mother, Lin, had been alone long enough. I knew she was happy to have me around since the divorce, but she still needed a man. There was no way she could hide that from me. I mean, I'm too old to not know that a woman needs a man after she's been married.
Frank came along, and they hit it off, and he is one hell of a looker. Sharp and smooth, he looks like a movie star. She fell for him, and I think the problem was that she fell too hard, because he started to get demanding right away.
Hearing them in their bedroom one night, I snuck out into the hallway to hear what they were saying.
"I want to sleep with her. She looks just like you. I want to make love to both of you at the same time."
"We can't do that, Frank. She's just a child!" Lin said.
That's when I realized that they were talking about me. I was flattered that he wanted me, but I mean, I was also sorry for Lin. I mean, she finally had her man, and he wanted me.
Now, as far as sex was concerned, a little light petting was all I was into, although I had masturbated, and I even had an orgasm once. Nothing heavier than that though, and you have to admit that's nothing. I went back to my room, but later I heard them both moaning, and I went back into the hall.
I could all but see and taste it. The bedsprings were making squeaking noises, and their moans were strong and loud, and I just knew what they were doing. I started to masturbate right there in the hallway. I figured if they stopped I could hear them, and I relaxed.
I almost came right there, just with my finger on my clitoris, and my other hand on my nipples. But then they stopped, and I figured it was time to leave before someone went to the bathroom or something. I didn't need that!
Well, the next few days were quiet, but then one day Frank stayed home from work. He said he was sick. I knew he was full of shit, but Lin didn't. She went to work.
Now, this was during a spring break, so I had no school or anything and my days were my own.
"Want some lunch?" he asked, knocking on my door.
"Sure, be right out!"
I was trying to be sexy I guess. I put on a tee shirt, knowing that my perky tits and cute nipples would show through it. I even pinched my nipples a little to make them really taut when he first saw me.
My purpose though, was simply to flirt. I didn't think it would get out of hand. It did. And quickly.
For one thing, I could see as soon as I came down that he hadn't been near the kitchen. What kind of lunch could he have in mind?
"Frank, did you fix lunch?"
He smiled and shook his head negative.
"What happened?"
"I got busy. I started having a daydream, Melanie," he said, sitting down on the couch in the living room, inviting me to sit down next to him.
I sat down. I still didn't think anything serious was going to happen.
"You know, you look just like your mother. I'll bet you're going to be a hot little piece in bed!"
I was shocked.
"What?"
He laughed and pulled me close, and from that point on, it was out of my hands.
Frank moved quickly. He pulled me down onto the couch so that I was stretched out, and he opened my legs. I was wearing tight jeans, but he yanked them off as if they were greased, and he started to work on my bush with his fingers. He was moving quickly, taking his big cock out and making me touch it.
"Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you, you sweet child," he moaned.
Let me tell you. I was afraid. His big cock was suspended over me, and he started poking it around my pussy at once. He hadn't even taken my clothes off really. I mean, just enough so that he could get at my crotch. My tee shirt was still on, although his hands were under it and on my breasts freely.
His cock was too big, I thought, but as he continued to rub it around, and I got wet, I started to want it as much as he wanted to jab it into me.
He started with a finger, digging in deep. That got me really wet, and he followed that with his cock so quickly I didn't know what the fuck hit me. It was strange. I mean, my first fuck, and it was happening before I realized it.
Frank was pumping his hot cock into me again and again, and it hurt, but only for the first minute or so. Then, it was like a cloud of pleasure was passing through my head, and nothing hurt.
At that point, everything that happened felt good.
"Your pussy is so tight, baby. Just like your mother's hot cunt!"
His hands were on the balls of my ass, and his cock was moving up and down so fast I was going crazy.
"I'm going to come, baby! Just tighten that hot twat for me!"
He lifted himself up on his expanded arms and started to shoot hot come into me.
I felt his cock twitch, and I started to come also, only this time it wasn't the kind of orgasm I had with my fingers. This time, it was for real!
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, Frank!"
He smiled. At that point I had given in, and he could tell I was getting as much pleasure as he was.
Before I started to moan and beg him to fuck me harder, it was like he was raping me. But that changed quickly when he started to let me have the full force of that thundering cock.
"Ohhhhhhhh, Frank. I'm exploding!"
My pussy was tingling. New feelings, feelings I'd never felt, were emerging from my body.
"Let that pussy stay tight for me, bitch!"
Keeping my pussy tight around his cock, I started to grind my hips up.
"I'm going to shoot in that hot twat!"
His come was thick and hot, and it started to throb out of his cock almost at once. I came with him, because when he started to come his rhythm picked up, and he was really driving me out of my fucking mind.
"Bitch, I love to fuck you!"
Our fucking stopped as both of us came, and Frank got up off the couch. . "We'll have to tell Lin, and she'll have to agree to this," he said.
I was more for keeping it to ourselves, and got upset.
"We didn't do anything wrong, baby. It was natural. We just have to make your mother understand."
Well, that's another story, and I'm exhausted. I guess we'll have to wait for next session, alright, Doc?
INTERVIEW TWO
At this point, Melanie had me thrown-off completely. I couldn't decide how much she'd invited the incident, or how aggressive Frank actually was. This next interview clarifies a lot of the issues obscured by early information.
Well, Doc, Frank didn't tell Lin anything that night, and I figured maybe he re-considered. I was glad about that. I mean, the last thing I wanted to do was to break up a good marriage because Lin's new husband wanted to fuck me.
But let me tell you, there was a strong feeling of lust in me every time I saw him after that. And I saw him all over the house. He let a few days go by without saying anything, but then one night I was asked into their bedroom, by Lin herself.
"What?" I asked, arriving at the edge of their bed, looking innocent as hell.
"You don't have to play games anymore," Lin said.
"What?"
"Just take off your robe and get into bed with us. I want to see if you're as hot as Frank seems to think you are," Lin said
Well, I could tell it wasn't her idea. Frank was looking at me as though it was all cool and sweet. I just let my robe drop to the floor, and Frank took over.
He told me to suck his cock, and as I did, he started to lap at Lin's bush.
He told me his cock was like a lollipop, and that's the way I should treat it.
"How's that?" I asked, licking the tip.
"Just right!"
Frank started to hump his cock into my mouth, and it really felt strange. As he was doing that, he was licking Lin's bush, and I saw Lin go wild.
Lin is pretty. She does look like me, only her tits are bigger, and she's more mature, and watching those hot tits bounce around as she jerked and moaned, I envied her for being a woman, realizing more and more that I was just a little girl.
Well, Lin was taking a lot of Frank's attention, but he was fucking my mouth with passion, and there was a strange chain reaction, because when Lin came, I felt the cock that was driving into my mouth, start to drive harder.
Frank looked up from Lin's twat.
"Suck on that big lollipop, baby!"
I was sucking on it, but he wanted to watch, and that's what he did.
Leaving Lin, he sat up and watched his big cock as it went in and out of my mouth.
"Watch your little hot daughter, Lin!"
Lin sat up, and they were both watching me suck his cock. I could feel his pulsing cock getting warm in my mouth, and I felt the hot liquid start to shoot out.
It hit me quick, and started to run down the comers of my mouth and all over my face, as I took it out of my mouth and held it in my fist, letting it squirt wherever it was pointing, which was at me.
"Sweet bitch. Put it back in your mouth!"
I did, and I drank down the last of his orgasm. He was pleased, and he was stroking my hair, telling me that I was a good cocksucker.
It was a strange incident. Lin seemed pleased enough with the way he'd sucked her cunt. Frank wasn't finished though. He wanted to see both of us on him at once, and the only way to do that was to have me suck his asshole, and Lin suck his cock.
Well, I never heard of sucking an asshole before, but he was strong, and I could tell he really wanted it, so I did it.
His body was wild, as Lin took his big cock deeply into her mouth. She was competing with me, for technique. That was the feeling I got.
I was very exciting to see Lin with a big cock in her mouth. Aside from envy, I enjoyed the sight.
Frank was holding her by her chin, watching her mouth slide around on his thick cock.
Frank was also holding me, with one hand, telling me to lap at that hot asshole for him.
"Get your tongue inside it!"
He was freshly showered, so I didn't taste any shit, and I really got into giving him a good licking with my tongue. It was strange, because I thought he was going to buck me off at any time.
All of a sudden, he started to buck and thrust, and I knew he was going to come in
Lin's mouth.
"Suck it up, Lin! It's good to have you both working on me!" he moaned.
Lin was sliding off his cock, only to slide back on. He was petting her face as she stroked his long dick with her lips.
He had a hand behind him, on my head, and he was holding mc tight to his asshole, still.
"Give it to me, Melanie!"
I licked at him as best as I could, and he just kept thrusting his cock into Lin's mouth.
Suddenly, he exploded and I heard Lin moan as his cock shot bolts of come into her.
"Take that, sweet bitch. You're as good as your daughter when it comes to sucking cock!"
Lin swallowed his heavy cream, and I stopped licking his asshole. He released my hair and I fell to the bed.
"You two were a good team. From now on you both share my bed!" Frank said.
Well, for a few weeks it was strange. I mean, Frank slept in the middle, and he had his pick of two women every night. Sometimes he'd turn to his little virgin cherry. That's what he called me. Sometimes, he'd plow it into Lin.
Sometimes, he'd do strange combinations, like fucking Lin between her big tits, and then giving me a chance to drink his come for him.
It was strange, and let me tell you, Lin and
I were never sure how to relate to each other.
Now, I sleep in my room. I guess Lin finally insisted. Frank still drags me in for a blow-job or a quick fuck once in awhile, with Lin there. And if I'm alone with him, I know what to expect. Weird, isn't it, Doc?
CONCLUSION
The problems Melanie is having should in no way prove permanently traumatic. Her early experience with sex was intense and pleasurable, and her ability to enjoy it, proves her healthy outlook.
The situation in the household is political, as though it were a simple question of whether or not two women can please one man, and themselves. This is a situation that lends itself to alienation between the mother and stepdaughter, and it could be dangerous as such.
I told Melanie to try and find some lovers her own age, and teach them what she'd learned about sex, and to try and avoid competing with her mother. If she follows my advice, she should be healthy and fulfilled without difficulty. We have arranged another session in a few months, to determine whether or not she is being successful.
CASE HISTORY THREE
Subject: Lee P. Age: Sixteen
INTERVIEW ONE
I continued my research with a set of interviews involving a girl named Lee P. who looked much older than her sixteen years. She had apparently entered puberty at a precocious age, and informed me that she had her first period when she was only nine. Being so young at the time, she had not yet been warned about what to expect. The confusion and fear she felt then were certainly understandable. It is easy to understand her vulnerability, and all to easy to appreciate the ease with which her older brother took advantage of it.
Although her case sounds shocking when you first hear its details, the unusual circumstances make it less difficult to interpret objectively. After all, her breasts were already beginning to develop, and her brother was having his own problems at the time. He, too, was just entering the early stages of puberty, and so it is difficult to feel much surprise at the sordid turn of events.
She was reluctant to tell me her story, but over the course of a couple of interviews in the privacy of my office, she dropped her guard and related her tale to me in frighteningly explicit detail.
In the following pages, I present a word by word transcription of her revelations. I think it did her a lot of good to get it all off her chest. I hope her story will provide a comparable service for the readers of this narrative.
Well, Doctor, it's kind of hard for me to talk about this business. I mean, I had no idea what was happening to me at the time, and when I look back on the scene, I can't help feeling sort of disgusted by the whole affair.
I was out in the woods with my brother Eddie. We were playing in a tree house he had built with his friends, pretending to be pirates in the crow's nest of a Spanish galleon.
We were singing that silly song about sailing over the bounding mane when I felt my first cramps. I started to cry, and Eddie got very upset. He thought maybe he'd hurt me playing Bluebeard to my captured princess, and was afraid daddy would beat him for being so rough if I didn't stop squawking and ran home to tell our parents.
He was pleading with me to stop crying, but I couldn't. I told him it wasn't his fault, and he shouldn't worry. I said there was something wrong with my stomach, because I didn't know the name yet for the places further down.
Eddie wanted me to climb down from the tree house and go home, but I told him it hurt too much to go through all that, that I just wanted to lie down until it passed away.
He looked worried, and thought it would help if we changed games. He decided we ought to be playing doctor as long as I was sick, and I figured we might as well, that maybe I'd get better quicker if we made a game out of my hurts.
He asked me where it hurt most, and I told him it was in my stomach. He put his hand on my belly and said, does it hurt here? I told him no, it was lower down, and her kept moving his hand, asking me does it hurt here, does it hurt here?
When his hands were on top of my dress, I started to scream. That's where it hurts, I said, and he lifted up my dress to take a look.
Then it was his turn to scream. My panties were drenched in blood, and he stepped back to the wall of the little hut, his jaw hanging open all the while.
Then I decided I'd better take a look myself, and saw the blood. I didn't know what to make of it, and cried.
I didn't know what it meant, Doctor, I was getting hysterical and tried to make the blood stop squirting out of me by squeezing my legs hard together. But that only made me feel a new kind of pain.
Well, actually, Doctor, it only felt like pain at first. It was a new kind of sensation, and what with the way I was feeling and all, I didn't know how else to make it register except to think of it as more pain.
But as I squeezed my legs harder and harder, I began to tremble, and it wasn't only with pain. It felt good somehow, and I didn't know why.
Eddie could tell something funny was going on, and I could see there was a little lump beginning to grow in his pants. I didn't know what that was, either, but because it was happening to him in the same place whatever it was--was happening to me, I thought maybe he'd caught my disease. I figured it was a disease, you know. What else could I think, under the circumstances?
I better take these off, I said, and tugged off my panties. A few drops of red were dripping out of my wound onto the wooden boards of the hut, and Eddie stared at them, and at my wound, with amazing fascination.
I hurt, too, he cried, you gave it to me! So take off your pants, too, I said. He did, and then I saw what was wrong.
I'd seen his thing before, of course. We're brother and sister, after all, and we'd been taking baths together until a few months before that day in the hut. That's when Eddie's face began to break out in a scratchy down of little brown hairs. When that started to happen, around the time his voice began to change, too, well, mother decided we shouldn't take baths together anymore. Neither Eddie nor me understood why at the time, but we didn't want to say anything about it to mom or dad.
Well, like I said, I'd seen his thing before, but it was always a little thing, his hose I used to call it from watching him piss with it. But it wasn't so little this time. It wasn't so big, either, I've seen bigger things since then. Eddie's is bigger now, too, but I only get to see it now when I catch him by surprise in the bathroom. Poor Eddie had to beat off a lot until he got his driver's license a few months ago. Now he's always taking girl friends to the drive-in, and he doesn't jerk off half as much as he used to!
Sorry, Doctor, I should be getting on with my story.
Well, when I looked at his thing sticking out all stiff and sore, I figured it had puffed up from an infection I'd given him. I hadn't swelled up like that, of course, but the way I was bleeding, I figured I had the same infection. It just did different things to me, because I was a girl and didn't have a thing.
Since we both had it in the places where we went to the bathroom, we figured maybe we'd gotten it from the toilet seat or something. His thing was all red and I thought he was going to start bleeding like me, and I felt sorry for him.
I asked him if it hurt much, and he had trouble answering me. I figured it must hurt a lot if he couldn't talk, and reached over to play doctor with it, thinking maybe it would ease the pain if I did. It only seemed to make it worse, though, and I stopped it.
But when I stopped, he told me not to, that it hurt more when I didn't touch it. Then I thought maybe the same would be true for me, too, and told him to rub me where I was hurting.
Well, he gave me this fierce, confused look, and then he started to rub me down where it hurt. It made me feel better like I thought it would, but it wasn't soothing exactly.
No, I can't say it was soothing, Doctor. It made me hurt in a different way, but a way I didn't mind as much. I kept rubbing him while he rubbed me, and felt his thing throb in my hand.
That made me nervous. I didn't know what to do then. Then I felt my insides throbbing, too, and wondered what would happen next.
Well, he started poking me down there, and I started to moan. That scared him, but it didn't stop him. He was too excited to stop!
Well, I couldn't think straight at this point, and neither could he. His eyes opened wide with surprise as he felt the walls of my little pussy swallowing his fingers. A little dab of drool fell out of his mouth as he watched his fingers slide up a bit into my pussy, and I couldn't take my eyes off of it, either.
It felt so itchy, and I couldn't stand it. I told him how much it tickled, and how I couldn't stand it and how he had to help me make it stop.
Eddie started stratching in there like I had a lot of mosquito bites or something, and I started to burn. Eddie was panting like I was, and he said I had to help him stop itching somehow, too.
I figured if his fingers could fit into my pussy, then maybe I could fit his stiff little thing into my mouth, and maybe that would help him out, like when you suck on a blister, Doctor.
So I told him to lie down with his feet facing my face and let me try to kiss it for him. He tossed around and brought it near my mouth, and I kissed it a few times.
Eddie was weeping, then, and I thought maybe I should do more than just kiss it. So I opened up my mouth and let it bob inside. Eddie seemed to like that.
Then Eddie figured, well, if kissing his thing helped him, then maybe he should kiss mine. So he put his mouth down on it and started licking my wound.
That felt really good, even though it made me feel a lot hotter. He licked and licked, and then he got the tip of his tongue inside and really went to work on me. His other end was working hard, too, and it felt funny having his balls bouncing against my nose.
Pretty soon we both were too excited to think about what we were doing! His little cock was getting less and less little, and it was throbbing harder and harder against the insides of my mouth. I tried not to gag, and tried hard not to bite him. Then he really yelled, and I thought maybe I'd bitten him after all, but I think I was wrong. But I don't know, it's hard to tell what happened, because I started to yell, too!
I felt some stuff start running out of my legs, it was thicker than the blood, and it felt different, too, the way it came out of me. It didn't just drip, it came out in heavy spurts. Then Eddie's thing got really big and stiff, and some stuff started blowing out of his hose real hard and hot.
Was I surprised! Eddie, too, I'll bet! A whole mess of this funny, gummy stuff started shooting into my mouth in quick spurts, and it tasted really strange, kind of pungent like asparagus.
My mouth was full, and I couldn't just spit it out, so I swallowed it. I nearly choked! There was so much happening in my mouth, and it was hard to gulp down anything, the way I was having trouble breathing at the time!
Well, when his dong stopped leaking, I let it go and wiped away the stuff from my mouth. It was a gooey gray color, and I looked down at my pussy where his mouth still was, and saw some more gooey gray stuff coming out of there. We really had the same disease, alright!
I felt a lot better then, and so did he. We both looked down there, wondering, I noticed that he was beginning to hurt again, too!
Can't talk about what happened next yet, Doctor, I have to stop for a while.
I didn't push her. Time was about up, anyway. She said she'd come back the next day and finish her story then.
I had a pretty good idea of what was coming next, but I didn't want to say anything that would embarrass her, so I just nodded my head when she saw the time and asked if she could leave, and saw her to the door.
INTERVIEW TWO
According to the plans we'd made the day before, Lee showed up at my office after school and sat down across from me. She looked more relaxed than she had the last time, and began to talk readily.
She didn't waste time hemming and hawing, she got down to her story right away.
I let her pick up where she had left off, and sat back silently to hear her out.
Well, Doctor, Eddie stared at the bleeding and said he had an idea. He figured he could make it stop if he stuffed up the wound with my panties. He thought that maybe that would act like a bandage, and I figured it was worth a try.
So he took my blood-soaked underpants and started to fold them up into a bundle. Then he tried to stuff them up my crack, but the material felt awfully rough, and it hit against a wall, and I told him to stop it.
He looked very feverish then, and his member was all bloated again. I figured it was softer to the touch than my panties, and figured he'd be able to steer it better than a bundle of clothing, and he figured that I was probably right.
Eddie was hardly eleven at the time, and I don't think he'd really gotten in to masturbating yet, so I don't think he had much of an idea of how he should go about it, or what to expect.
He said he wondered how far he could put it in without hurting me, and I began to wonder about that, too. The pants had hit a wall only a couple inches in, but we both figured he'd only be able to get the head in, anyhow. After all, we figured, why else would his prick have a cap on it like a mushroom unless, just like mushrooms, you were only supposed to use the top part? We figured the stem was just there to make it easy to move the cap around, sort of like a prow on a boat or something.
So anyway, Eddie lifted up my dress, and he was too excited to get the tip in himself, he kept fumbling and missing the hole, so I stuck my hands down there and grabbed it and started to help it in myself.
It slid in over the cap and hit against the wall. Eddie groaned and sweated a lot, and got a real funny look in his eyes. I think I can get in further than this if I push, he panted, and I was so worked up by then that I dared him to try.
Well, Eddie really pushed! He couldn't do it, and his cock fell out from the strain.
I was really steaming now, and grabbed at it again. I made it go in again, and when the head was safely nestled in my box, I squeezed my thighs together to lock it in place. Then I shoved my hands around his buttocks and tried to ramrod his ass against me, thinking that would help things out. Eddie yowled and said he was afraid he'd hurt me, but we both felt the wall begin to sag from the pressure, and he stopped complaining.
Come on, Eddie, I said, I dared you, and you can't refuse a dare. He grunted and pushed some more.
Well, I felt something ripping, and then I thought maybe I should tell him to stop. I whimpered and pleaded with him to end the experiment. I told him I took back my dare, but he wasn't listening.
He pushed harder, and the wall began to really ache. Then it ripped wide open, and I screamed. Eddie and I were both astounded at how far the thing could go. It sloshed its way all the way up to the root!
I reached down and grabbed at his balls and squeezed, thinking that would make him stop. But it only made him scream and drive harder, and pretty soon the pain began to not be just pain anymore, and I stopped trying to make him pull out.
Neither of us knew what to do, we were pretty clumsy about the whole business. My pelvis started to wiggle uncontrollably, and I thought I was having some sort of fit and got really scared. I only wiggled for a little while, though, because my convulsions really got to Eddie, and he popped off a couple seconds after they started.
We sprawled out for a while and didn't know what to make of it. I marveled at the way his thing shriveled up and fell out of my box a few seconds after it popped, and thought it real strange. Eddie did, too.
Now I was hurting bad! I had just started to feel something nice and new when he popped off, and figured now that that wall had been battered down, it wouldn't hurt nearly so much if I got him to try it again.
I reached over and toyed with his prick to see if I could figure out how to make it fatten up again. It shot out and stiffened like magic, and it really made me feel like I had some special power over him if I could make that happen to him so easily!
Eddie figured out my idea without my having to explain it, and pretty soon he was lying on top of me again, and this time he managed to stick it in all by himself.
Wow! It slid right in so fast, we were both startled by that. We couldn't talk, either, we tried to, but we kept having to gulp and catch our breath, and it just didn't seem like it was worth the effort.
Well, his cock started squirming around inside of me, and I pushed up and down on his ass because I found out it felt good to have him go in and out, in and out. Eddie thought it felt good, too, and started doing the in and out stuff by himself.
He was really spanking my guts, let me tell you, Doctor! And just when I thought he'd found the right speed and started to moan with this incredible new pleasure, he shifted gears and started to pile-drive hard into me.
That hurt a lot, at first. But after a few strokes, I shifted gears, too! I discovered a whole new bunch of muscles, the ones in my twat, and started to squeeze them against his cock. Oh, he liked that, and I liked it, too! Boy, did I like that, Doctor!
So I started squeezing as hard as I could, and he begged me to stop, said it really hurt.
But I couldn't, and he lost control of himself and started to yelp and pound his fists against the floor like he was crazy or something.
I had my hands on his back, and got this spasm that made me squeeze all my muscles as hard as I could. I found myself digging my nails into his shirt, and gasped at the prickly feel of his buttons digging into my soft little tits.
My nipples started to get hard from the scuffing they were getting. I couldn't stand it, now I was getting this incredible rush of pleasure from my tits, too!
I felt really ashamed of myself, the way I started to wheedle and cry, and the way Eddie was carrying on, I thought he should be ashamed of himself, too!
Well, maybe I felt ashamed, but actually, I just didn't care at the time. The rushes I was getting from so many strange places were really unbearable, and all my mind was concentrating on trying to find a way to make them stop.
But it's not that I didn't like them. I like to laugh like anybody else, and tickling always makes me laugh, but too much tickling can drive you crazy, if you know what I mean!
Well, anyway, pretty soon I didn't want it to stop! I shifted gears again, not on purpose, it just happened, and my body started doing things I didn't know it could, and I sure didn't know how it was doing them, either!
Eddie, too. He was really screaming, his back was all tense and contorted like he was trying to lift an elephant on his back, and he was grinding into me like some kind of mindless animal.
I went totally out of my mind then, I was really swimming, and felt like I was going to drown! My head grew so hot, like I had a fever, and I got delirious. All my feelings were wrapped around his cock, and I could hardly breathe.
Then I couldn't breathe at all. My throat was rattling, and all my muscles squinched together till I thought they'd snap, and then my guts blew up and I thought I'd died.
I blanked out for a few seconds, and when I revived, my head was still swimming, and the room was spinning round and round. Then Eddie collapsed on me like a wet rag, and I felt a hot gush of that stuff of his spilling all over in side of me. That made me blank out again, and a whole lot of my stuff gushed out and got mixed in with his.
It took a few minutes before we could move. His cock was still locked inside of me, I couldn't let the muscles of cunt loose yet to let it go free. Then he yanked with his hips, and I felt my muscles tighten for an instant and then give up.
When his cock slithered out of my hole, it sent a whole new set of sparks flying in me! More of my stuff dribbled out through my crack, and made a puddle on the floor.
We both sat back on our asses and looked at it. It was amazing! We were afraid all that stuff shooting out of us was going to be red and bloody, and there was some of that, some ripples of blood kind of swished around in the puddle, but it was mostly gray stuff, like the stuff I'd wiped off my mouth before.
I'll never forget that sight, Doctor! I've loved the sight of come ever since!
Well, we played with the puddle for a while with our fingers, and I put a little dab of it to my lips and realized it was the same stuff I'd swallowed before. Quite a revelation! The whole business was beginning to make some sort of sense, except for the blood in my pants that had started the whole affair.
We got kind of serious and tried to figure out that part of it. Then Eddie said maybe the blood was just some sort of signal from my guts that I was supposed to do the things we'd just been doing.
That was pretty clever of him, I thought, and told him so. Then I threw in my two cents and said that mom and dad seemed to do that to each other at night, and there was a box of strange white cylinders she kept in the bathroom and used for something or other every few weeks, and maybe she used them to stuff up her crack when she was bleeding.
Eddie said that sounded right, because he's seen some of those long, white things covered with caked up blood in the garbage when he took it out.
We were really proud of ourselves then! We were sure we'd stumbled onto some big secret, something so big that adults didn't want us kids to know about it! We wondered why they didn't let us in on it before, and then Eddie had another thought.
Eddie said he guessed that maybe the adults just wanted to keep all the fun for themselves. I thought about that, and then I said that didn't sound like it was the whole story. What about that wall that had just been smashed, the wall inside my box? That could only happen once, unless it grew back, which didn't seem to make much sense.
Eddie pondered on that for a long time. Then he spoke up again. The way he saw it, getting that wall broken was a lot for me the way getting his rod to stiffen and pop off was for him. Maybe that's the real difference between boys and girls, he suggested, and not just the different ways they had to go to the bathroom.
I told him about my tits, how they had only started to grow a few months ago, and then he confided that his cock had only started to get stiff sometimes a little while ago, too.
We began to figure out a lot then. Next thing Eddie says, is how maybe the reason our parents hadn't told us about all this yet was because they thought we hadn't started all the changes we had to go through to do it yet. That made a lot of sense.
The thing we couldn't figure out was what it was for. But Eddie and I both came up with something like an answer at the same time. We'd both seen Zsa Zsa, our calico cat, give birth to kittens, and we both knew where the kitten came out of. They came out of the place where Eddie had put his cock!
That was quite a thought! But Eddie had his doubts. Zsa Zsa had her kitten weeks after Homer, our male cat, had gotten run over by the milk truck. So she couldn't have had that sort of thing happen before the kittens came.
That was a hard argument to answer. But then I thought I had the way around it. People got pregnant for a long time before the babies happened, I said, maybe it just took a lot of time for the baby to be made after you put the thing in.
Eddie had an answer to that. If people made a baby every time a man and a woman mixed their gray stuff around, then how come they didn't give birth to a hundred or a thousand babies at once? That made a lot of sense, because we both knew mom and dad were doing that to each other a lot now, now that we had figured out what those late night noises meant.
I think it's only for fun, Eddie said soberly. But neither of us were very sure, and all of a sudden we had this funny suspicion that if it was meant for more than fun, then maybe we were going to make a baby of our own. That was scary, and we wondered how long it would be before we'd know. But it was kind of funny, too. I mean, the kid would have to call us Aunt Mommie and Uncle Dad!
We both figured that we should ask our parents about it, but we guessed that maybe we shouldn't tell them we had done it to each other, we'd just ask some general questions. That's what we did, too. When we asked mommie and daddy, and got it all straight, we figured out another thing, too!
Mommie told me what the bleeding meant, and showed me how to use the napkins in the bathroom. She told me about the making babies business, and how the bleeding meant the egg was being washed away, so I couldn't make one then.
Daddy told Eddie about fucking, and later that night, Eddie and I compared notes. We thought that since I was still bleeding, and probably would be for a few more days, there was no harm in doing this thing that Daddy called "fucking" a few more times. We used that tree hut a lot the next few days, and never let on to our secret!
A little while later, Eddie and I started to read about fucking to find out more about it, and then Eddie told me one day that it was supposed to be a bad thing for brothers and sisters to fuck each other.
That was really upsetting, and then we started to feel guilty and really ashamed. That new word, "incest", really bothered us, and made us feel like we'd really done something bad. We did it a couple more times anyway, though. But then we figured we ought to stop, and we've hardly fucked each other since!
Eddie started to beat off around then. He beat off a lot, and got upset when I found him doing it. He let me give him blow-jobs a few times, though, we figured there was no harm in that! But now he's got a car, and does it with his girl friends in the drive-in. And I've got a few friends of my own, so I guess everything worked out alright.
It still feels awfully funny when I think back on it, though.
CONCLUSION
I was glad to hear that Lee and Eddie were no longer engaging in sexual intercourse, and tried to make her fell the gravity of such a practice's implications.
She came back to my office on a few more occasions, and was really amazingly frank about her encounters since her involvement with her brother. I tried to convince her of the risks involved, and though I got her to change to a more certain method of birth control than the use of prophylactics or coitus interruptus, I was unable to convince her that she should lessen her sexual activity.
I wanted her to come in for more counselling, and she agreed for a while, but I eventually resigned myself to the inevitability of her continued waywardness. However, she has calmed down a bit lately, and seems to have a steady boy friend. I had to talk her out of dropping out of school, as she wanted to go live with him, but she was finally persuaded that it would be best to wait until she had gotten her diploma.
Lee is a very bright and lively girl, and if she manages to get through school and avoid pregnancy, I have the feeling she'll make out very well in the world.
!
CASE HISTORY FOUR
Subject: Alicia R.
Age: Twenty
INTERVIEW ONE
Alicia R. was one of the most beautiful young women that I have ever interviewed. She was a gorgeous, black creature who had been working as a high fashion model for a couple of years before the time of our discussions.
Alicia had small, pert breasts that were perfectly matched by her lithe, firmly shaped and delicately carved body. The sensuous sienna luster of her flawless skin was a source of constant distraction, I must confess, but she obviously was resigned to this sort of thing happening to the men she dealt with, and was very suave and supportive.
She was not at all unwilling to divulge to me the details of her own devirginization. Although she hardly entered her third decade, she was already a woman of the world, and made it clear to me that she was not one to be constrained by inhibitions or taboos.
All of this was not only charming, but rather surprising: for, as she let me know almost immediately, she had only lost her maidenhead a year and a half prior to our conversations. But there were many surprises in her, as the following transcription of our interviews will reveal.
I suppose I was a bit slow when it came to sex, Doctor. You see, I got involved in modeling when I was about twelve, and as long as I was in school, I had no time for men if I was going to make a go of a career, too.
Not that I wasn't interested, naturally. But the boys in my school were rather dull as a rule. My looks made them uncomfortable, I guess, and they were all too eager to get at my body. It was rather boring, and not a little frustrating, being seen as a sex object instead of as a person, so I kept pretty aloof of the goings on in school.
Around my senior year, though, my modeling really got together, and I began to travel a lot and meet some more sophisticated people. But, out of habit, I suppose, I still kept my distance. Besides, I didn't want to compromise my still new sense of professionalism by mixing business and pleasure.
At least, that's how I rationalized it to myself. But I found myself getting very irritated, what with all the traveling, long stretched of time without seeing people I was close to, and so on. And I knew something was missing. I still wasn't sure just what it was, but I had enough sense to realize it had something to do with the lack of male companionship in my life.
Oh, there were always plenty of offers. But then another thing began to happen: I began to feel attracted to some of the slick and sophisticated fellows I kept running into in my work, and I began to feel defensive about my innocence. I thought they'd think me some sort of hick or child if they found out how little I knew about sex. And how could they help but find out if they got me in bed? I wasn't so naive as to think a man could pop my cherry and not know it!
It really got me down. I started getting regular work in Boston, so I decided to settle down there for a while and start hunting for a regular man in earnest. I didn't have much luck at first, though. I was awfully finicky, and was looking for someone who'd be . . . special.
When you're a virgin for as long as I was, you begin to think you want to get a special treat for all your trouble!
I had a few girl friends from my business, and we all decided to throw a big party on Halloween and invite a lot of choice young studs. I figured it was now or never, and spent a lot of time on my costume.
I got dressed up as a belly dancer, a lot of thin gauzy fluff and not much substance, you know. I've always been a good dancer, and I knew how to bump my bottom! So I was looking forward to a rollicking evening.
Well, a lot of people came to my party. There were lots of men, but they were all so slick and jive. It was just like the scene in high school, only they were more pretentious and better dressed.
Except for one guy. And he wasn't even invited!
He told me later how he'd managed to crash my party. Seems he was with some friends at another party, and one of them was with a girl who was a lab technician at a nearby hospital, and she told them there was another party going on later at some friend of hers place. Her friend lived across the hall from me, and that's how the confusion got started.
These guys were all students at M.I.T of all places, and I would have figured them all for hopeless straights with slide rules slung from their hips in leather holsters. But they just didn't fit the stereotype at all! It was funny how everybody had gotten into drugs in those days, and it changed a lot of people's heads for the better, I think. And besides, a place like M.I.T. wants brains, not money and social standing in their students, and some of the guys there come from pretty strange backgrounds.
Anyway, this guy I was talking about, he was going to the other party with everyone else, but he was lingering in the car with one of his friends when everybody else was going up the stairs, getting stoned. The guy he was with had to drive around to find a parking space, so they decided to split company and meet upstairs when the joint was done.
Naturally, he got up to the right floor and forgot the number. My party was getting pretty wild, and he figured the party was in my place and walked in.
Nobody knew who he was, but nobody really cared. He didn't know anyone either, of course, but he was pretty bold, and he had his eyes on me from the beginning and decided to stay!
Well, he soon made friends with everyone. He was passing out joints like they were chewing gum, and he was really fast and witty, and a real character. Not at all slick, either: crude and blunt was more like it. His father was a country singer who never made it out of high school, and worked days climbing poles for the electric company. And this guy sang and dressed like his old man, and really started raising hell.
Some dumb shit thought he must be a bumpkin and started to rib him, and he put the clown down pretty brutally. Everybody caught on that whatever he was, weird or not, he was damned smart. And when the jerk jiving him got defensive and starting making insulting remarks, he all of a sudden found himself flat on the floor with a sore jaw.
So, anyway, this fellow was making quite an impression, and he kept staring at me now and then. But he never tried to force himself on me. I figured he was biding his time, waiting for the party to thin out before he jumped me, but he wasn't like that.
He came over to me and said he wanted to dance. I'd watched him cut into the ass he'd flattened, and expected he'd feed me some outrageous line, but he was surprisingly polite and reserved. I just couldn't figure out his act at all. Then I began to figure maybe it wasn't an act, maybe her was just a very crazy, but very nice young man.
He was quite handsome, too, in a rugged, angular sort of way. He moved like a real working class type, but his mind kept showing itself to be altogether too sharp for that label to fit on him very well. And he could really dance, too, even though he was really blasted. Maybe because he was so blasted, it's hard to tell!
He didn't put a hand on me all night. It was driving me mad! The mystery was getting to me, and I was getting pretty hot.
Around one o'clock, he asked me if I wanted to step outside and snort some cocaine. Well, he's finally giving me his pitch, I thought, and I decided to see how much of an act he'd been putting over on me and go out with him. I was sure he was going to start pawing me all over once he got me alone!
Well, wrong again! Not that he didn't touch me. Hardly that! But he was very gentle, and didn't force me into anything. He just kept talking at a mile a minute, and not some song and dance about his ego trip, either, he was cracking jokes and asking about me and what I did, and after a few minutes I realized he hadn't said more than two words about himself.
He took out a silver spoon and started ladling wads of coke into his nostrils, and into mine, too. I hadn't been into much drugs, and I got quite a wild body high. And he kept cracking me up with his insane lines, and still hadn't groped for my tits or anything!
I asked him what he did, and he suddenly grew quiet. When he told me about going to M.I.T. and doing all this heavy mathematical stuff, I thought he was feeding me a line of shit. But he had a school ring that proved his case, and now I was really confused as hell.
I asked him about where he came from, and when he started telling me about his lunch pail and hard hat upbringing, and getting drunk with the old man in country western dives and all, I started to make some sense out of him. He was a rowdy romantic or something, who by some freak accident had gotten stuck with an excellent mind. No wonder he was so damned crazy!
We started to snort some more coke, and I began to think he was for real. And I began to think that he was really good with women, too, he hadn't grown up in some ivory tower world, he had to bust his ass to escape to one! I was really hot to get him to let me see that bestial side of him, I began to want him.
But I didn't know what to do, and I was getting very stoned. Then he put his arms around me to keep me on my feet, I was that stoned, you see, and though he started kissing me and getting very excited, he had a lot of control and respect for me, and I just wasn't used to that at all!
I wanted him to do something, and I wanted him to know it, but I didn't want him to think I was cheap, so I couldn't figure out what to do next. He did, though. He read me loud and clear, and walked me over to his friend's car and got me into the back seat.
Well, I was feeling kind of self-conscious, I had next to nothing on, my costume being what it was! He made no bones about letting me know he liked that, either. He lit up another joint, and dropped his head into my lap and crossed his legs. He had a massive bulge in his pants that became very visible when he slung his leg up, and he knew it, and he knew I could see it, and he didn't give a shit!
Excuse my language, Doctor, but I don't know how else to put it. Here he was, obviously very hot for me, but he had such control, and he was so confident of himself, too, that was very obvious. But he still didn't try to do anything, it was really too much. He was enjoying taking his time, he wanted me to relax and enjoy it, too!
Maybe he feels funny that I'm black, I thought, but that didn't make much sense. He was being very natural with me, and he was really paying attention to me, not just my body or some myth about wild black bitches, nothing like that at all.
When he saw I was getting too high to function, he took the joint from me and finished it himself. He had a lot of capacity in a lot of things, because he was still damned coherent, even if he was kind of crazy! Well, he all of a sudden stared up at me and put two strong hands on my shoulders and spoke one word: "Com'ere!" he said, and pulled me down.
I laughed and got a fit of the giggles. He smiled and kept his eyes fixed on mine, didn't even blink, and pulled me down on him and gave me a really long, deep tongue kiss.
I was startled. I gasped, and found myself burning with wild heat all of a sudden, and then he wraps his hands around my neck and stares at me some more, and this time he says not one word, but three: "I like you" he said, so blunt and matter-of-fact that I was stunned.
I didn't know what I was supposed to say. So he likes me, I thought to myself, how about that? Then he says, still staring at me and taking in my every gesture, a whole sentence: "If you can't talk, kiss me again." Just like that! And with a bit of country twang, yet!
Well, I kissed him! Let me tell you, rockets went off! Then he very naturally slid his left hand up on my tits, and started rubbing. He was still staring at me, but his expression had changed. His face got very soft, but his eyes were on fire. I gulped, and rubbed my hand nervously on his bulge. He liked that, and gave me a contented smile.
It was driving me wild! I was moaning, and he took my cue and started undoing the straps on the skimpy bra I had on. That was the first time a man had gotten even that far with me, and I was numb with suspense and bubbling over with passion. He told me to lift up my arms so he could slide the straps down my arms, and that made me feel awfully stupid.
Well, now I'm nude from the waist up, and as he starts sucking my tits, I started heaving up and down, jostling him in my lap. I bumped his jaw by accident, and felt his teeth sink into my nipple. I squealed, and then he rolled off me and pushed me down along the back seat and clambered on top of me.
I was loosing control rapidly, and I groped around for his luscious big cock as he started to hump me, and when I got a hold of that bulge, I realized that I didn't know what to do with it.
He understood my distress all too completely. He came to a stop, just as his fingers were edging their way into my groin, and he gave me that deep, mind-blowing stare of his and came out with another of his blunt little sentences. "You've never made love with
. a man, have you?", he said.
I couldn't meet his stare, and started crying and moaning and then I looked up at him for a half second or so and just blurted it out: "No!", I whined, and hugged him. I felt humiliated! I was sure he was going to throw me out of the car or laugh at me or start ripping off what little clothes I had on to get at my precious little cherry, but he didn't do any of those things. Instead, he just chucked my chin and cried a little himself, and gave me one of those damned blunt sentences of his: "I'm sorry" he sighs, and then he slowly moves off of me and sits me up straight and then seats himself next to me and stares.
Then he gives me this really pained look, a really sad look, and all of a sudden he's collected and cool again, and then he plays with my hair and gives me this oh so gentle kiss and smiles tenderly.
"Think about it," he says, and then he nibbles my ear and gives me this burning kiss and says, "Let's go back to your party!".
God, I was so hot I ached all over, and I knew he did, too, but he wouldn't let himself show it, he just got out of the car and then walked over to my side of the car and, with this very self-consciously exaggerated gallantry, he opens the door and waves me out. We both laughed and then he wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug and gives this really lusty, crude slobbering and biting kind of kiss that made me melt. I knew I'd really fallen for him then!
Alicia was lost in a pleasant reverie, and stopped talking. I noticed that our time was about up, so I told her, and she jumped with a start and blinked. She smiled and apologized, and then we set a time for our next meeting.
I was looking forward to hearing the rest of her story, and told her so. She blushed, and told me she was looking forward to it, too. Then she got out of her seat and pranced to the door. I couldn't help watching her lovely body as it moved before me so gracefully, and almost felt jealous of that wild young man she was telling me about. I couldn't believe that the last part of her story would be so innocent as the first part. As it turned out, I was correct in my assessment.
INTERVIEW TWO
Alicia arrived promptly and began the rest of her story without delay. She was very relaxed throughout her monologue, and seemed to delight in revealing all the little details of her first sexual encounter.
She had apparently enjoyed it immensely, experiencing multiple orgasms the first time she went to bed with her man. I thought that highly unusual, and inquired as to whether she shared my sentiment. But she told me he was a very unusual man, and so that was only to be expected.
I laughed at her coy humor, and began to feel jealous of that lucky man again. Then she changed her tone, and got on with her narrative.
When we got upstairs, a bunch of his friends were milling around in the hall. They'd just come out of the other party, and were ogling me and giving knowing looks to their friend. I was really offended at first, but he handled it so well that my sense of offense changed to one of feeling flattered. He let them know he felt pretty good about himself, but he refused to gloat. I wanted to cry for that kindness!
He saw me to my door and looked very ill at ease for the first time that evening. He said he felt obliged to return home with his buddies, but that he really wanted to see me again, and soon!
He asked me for my phone number, and the way I was dressed, I certainly couldn't pull out a pen and paper to write it down for him. But he said he had a good memory for numbers, and made a little game out of mine and made up some ridiculous formula to make all the digits fit together in a pattern. That made me laugh. He was a sly one, but very sweet! I didn't want him to leave, and he knew it, but he also knew that circumstances made it the better part of valor to wait.
He told his friends he'd meet them downstairs, and when they had disappeared into the elevator, he squeezed against me and humped me up and down against the door. God, I wanted it then!
I reached down and felt for his cock. It was so swollen, and I couldn't leave him like that, so I reached into his pants and hugged it.
He slid his pants under the tiny pants of my costume and started fingering my pussy. Oh! I'd never felt anything like that before! I didn't want it to ever end, I just rolled with his deft, tender strokes and felt my come dribbling into my poor little pants!
He was awfully hot himself, and I was astonished at how his thing got stiffer and more angry and began to throb heavily in my hand. I could feel his cock rear back and get ready to fire, and then his come burst out in a torrent, all over his underpants and my twitching hand.
That was a first for me, let me tell you! I was so bashful about it, I was afraid to pull my hand out of his pants for fear of messing up his jeans with all that sticky stuff welling in the spaces between my fingers and under my nails!
But I pulled it out anyhow, and he obviously couldn't care less what kind of a mess I made! He was too busy panting, and trying to bring me off. That he did soon enough!
My legs were wobbling, and if it weren't for the weight of his big, strong body pushing me tightly against the wall, I would have crumpled to the floor in nothing flat!
Having never come before I'd never even masturbated, believe it or not! I had no idea of what to expect, and started making wild, bestial noises that I couldn't believe were really coming from me!
Well, I couldn't take much more of this, I was so damned nervous about people hearing us and coming out into the hall and seeing. So I pushed his hand away with much regret, and gasped confusedly and hugged him.
My dripping hand made an awful mess on his jacket, and he laughed giddily when he caught on. I was so ashamed of myself for being so awkward, and having so little control of myself, but he just beamed at me and made me feel so, so good about it!
I wanted to say something to him, anything at all to tell him how he'd made me feel, and I just couldn't. He was awfully understanding and just kissed me and said he'd call me real soon.
I wanted him so badly! That nervous, awkward taste of pleasure made me unbearably hungry for more, and I started to blither and whine, and I wanted to say I wanted him to make it with me as soon as we saw each other again. But I only got the sentence started when he put his finger to my lips and told me to hush.
I wanted to melt! He thought if he let me say it and he knew damned well what I wanted to say then! he thought that would be taking advantage of me somehow, and he wouldn't let me. I understood so much about him then. I wanted to drag him into my bed right then and understand him like crazy, but I knew that wouldn't be right somehow, that it would wreck the beautiful mood, waiting for him to call, working myself into a frenzy with the thought that he'd been too stoned to remember my number!
Well, he called me, finally, at exactly six o'clock. I was so excited, I couldn't get out more than three words in a row without stuttering. But he was so calm, just oozing his sexy, controlled warmth, and we made a date for later that evening.
He didn't show till nine. Those three hours between his call and the ringing of my bell were sheer agony. When I heard him ring me, I literally lunged at the intercom to let him in. The next two minutes waiting for the elevator to arrive were worse than the whole three hours that went before!
When he came in the door that I'd had open ever since he'd buzzed the intercom, he presented me with a bouquet of gorgeous black orchids. It was too much! It would have seemed so hokey from anyone else but him, and I just started to cry and cry.
He put his arms around me and asked me what was wrong. At last, he didn't understand something! It felt so good to know I could find a vulnerable spot in him, and I just squeezed him and slobbered all over his face and told them the flowers were beautiful.
I basked in the look of confused hurt on his face and wanted to eat him up. Then all of a sudden I felt so bashful, and I blushed and got silly as a goose.
That made him laugh, and he pinched my bottom and sat down on the couch. I went to put the orchids in some water, and couldn't find a vase. I felt so helpless! But he came to the rescue and plopped them in a long, thin beer glass he found in one of the cabinets in the kitchen.
I thought that was hilarious, and couldn't stop laughing at him. He was in control of himself again, and laughed back. We both stood there, me against the sink, him with his arms folded and his muscular ass tight against the stove, laughing like lunatics.
He pulled out two tickets to a concert he'd told me he wanted to take me to. That was something else, he really thought I wanted to wait! It was an expensive concert, too, he'd put some thought into it, and must have sifted through all the small talk we'd traded the night before to find just the right thing to please me!
It was a lovely idea, and I was touched by his consideration, but I'll be damned if I was going to wait any longer! I had some lovely ideas of my own, and I was getting worked up trying to think of a way to drag him to bed and passing up the concert without seeming too horny or insulting.
I said I didn't know what I should wear, and began to fret and skitter about the apartment like a wet hen. I asked him to help me look for some things so he wouldn't just stand there patiently waiting for me. That would have spoiled everything! I dragged him by the hand from one closet to another being a model, I needed lots of closet space! and then I said I'd figured out what I was going to put on, it was in the bedroom, and he'd have to help me get into it, it was very tight with a lot of buckles and zippers and everything.
He'd been very confused by all this, but when I got him into the bedroom and closed the door behind me and stared at him frantically while my fingers wiggled the knob, I think he began to get the picture!
I didn't want to be too coarse about it, I'd been fantasizing about this moment all day long, and so I pretended to still be interested in putting on those ghastly clothes I'd been telling him about and asked him to take them out of the closet.
Well, he went fumbling through the closet, and got all wrapped up in that I had so many clothes in there, that gave me a lot of time, thank God! and while he was busy with that, I quickly slithered out of the things I was wearing until I was down to just my panties and my bra.
They weren't just any underclothes, though, I'd planned it out before! It was the belly dancer uniform I'd worn the night before, but without all the fluffs of gauze! Bare essentials was more than enough already!
My timing was perfect! I held the hem of my skirt at my knees until I heard him turn around, and then I dropped it casually to the floor, as if I'd just happened to finish getting out of my things when he turned around to look at me!
He asked me if he had the right thing, and I didn't even bother to look, I just told him to bring it over!
I had my back to him, and he handed it to me over my shoulder and I put my left foot up and tried to insert it into the top of the unzipped gown. I made a point of being clumsy, and squealed as I fell back against him and rebounded onto the bed. Then I stretched out flat and pouted, and asked him to help me up-Well, he bent down over me and clasped my shoulders, and I shivered and sunk into the mattress. He thought I was just teasing, and tried to coax me into being more pliant. I wanted to be a lot more pliant than he knew, though, and I told him I'd hurt my ankles and he'd have to lift me.
He knew what a line of shit that was! Help you, my ass, he said, and fell down on the bed and sprawled across me.
Ouch, I stubbed my toe, he mocked, and sniffed my ass. Those panties reeked from the night before, let me tell you! And he was kind enough to tell me so in no uncertain terms, and started to pull them down my legs.
He alternately laughed and panted as I squealed in protest, but the way I was squirming left no doubt in either of our minds that my protests were just a lot of shit. He was at my bra, and I quickly raised my arms above my head so he could slip it off as fast as possible!
Well, I figured there was no point in pretending any more! I spun around onto my backside and starting wrenching maniacally at his clothes. God, was he hot! God, was I! Those few minutes of ripping at each other's clothes took forever. Finally, we were both naked. At last, I had a chance to look at that marvellous cock of his!
I sat there with my legs wide open, just looking at that monstrous thing, and drooled like a goddam infant! Finally, I got up the nerve to touch it! It dripped a few drops of lubricant on my finger and jumped up inches!
He began to fondle my pussy, but I would have none of it! I was so hot and steamy already that I couldn't bear to waste any more time. I made some shockingly indelicate noises and yanked his cock toward my box and stuck it in. He obligingly fell on top of me with a ferocious grunt, and from there on in, I let him run the show!
It was a much better show than any concert could possibly have been! I decided to jettison all my damned controls and just let myself go! When his cock slid slowly in and came up against my cherry, I whined and whimpered and beat him with my fists. I wanted more!
He was blunt in bed as well as in speech, and he just gnashed his teeth and rammed. Shit! Did that hurt! But not for long! I was so glad that useless piece of flesh was finally gone for good, and wasted no time mourning its demise. I was starving for that bloated cock! I squeezed and twisted and bleated like a sheep, and knocked the wind out of myself with excitement when I felt it finally stab all the way in!
I didn't know what to do with my hands, they were flopping all over him like a flag in a gale, and it was just too much effort to keep my mind on them and on my gorged little pussy all at the same time!
He was so good! He nearly came about five times, driving me out of my mind with anticipation of feeling his sperm drench my box, and dread of having it be over so soon! But he somehow managed to keep from popping off for half an hour, and I was wiggling and wailing and wallowing in my heat like a horny pig in a puddle! But I was rather untutored, and after half an hour of mad grinding, I was sore as hell and couldn't take it any more. My fagged out pussy had had enough, poor thing!
Well, I gritted my teeth and determined to have one last blinding orgasm before I threw in the towel and crapped out for good. He knew where I was at, the dear, and he drove me to an incredible peak and drowned me in a lake of raging come just when I was bursting from the unbearable release of my own!
Well, that really did me in! I just lay there for what must have been another half hour, hardly able to breathe, while he crawled all over me nibbling every bump and hollow he could find! Such delicious torture! Mmmmmm! The thought of it makes my flesh crawl even now!
His precious tickets were dangling limply from his pants pockets crumpling on the floor, and he picked them up woozily and started mumbling something about there still being time to make it, but I hushed his mouth with a sharp wrench at his balls, and then I snatched those tickets and tore them into shreds!
Oh! he appreciated that, and his rod grew mean again and I pulled back from it in fright But then I figured, what the hell, a little pain and soreness never killed anybody, and even if it did, it was a nice way to go!
Well, he mounted me again, and this time he felt enormous, but I didn't care, I swallowed it greedily and began rocking. Well, he didn't shilly shally this time, he popped out lickety-split and filled me up with gobs of his sticky hot stuff. Oh, did that feel funky! I was so "pleased with myself, I hugged and scratched him forever, and wiggled my black bottom until I drained him of every last drop!
It was such a wonderful night! I didn't let him go till late afternoon on the following day, and by then we were both so spent we couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom! Our bodies stank deliciously, and I hated the thought of losing all those yummy smells in the shower. But I had to eventually, of course, and he finally dragged me into the bathroom and threw me under the water with him and socked it to me again while the water drizzled down into my crack and burned.
Well, what more can I Bay? I saw him a lot after that. I still do! He's just too good to let him get away! We do a lot of other things together now, of course, I don't want to give you the wrong impression, Doctor, but God! we still do a lot of that other thing, too!
CONCLUSION
I can't think of anything to add to Alicia's own vivid account, so I'll forego making any elaborate conclusions. When she got up to leave, she looked nervously at her watch, and I got up to open the door for her.
When the door swung open, she beamed as she saw the large, hulking man who was standing patiently outside waiting for her. There was little question in my mind about who he was, and I felt an uncharacteristic surge of embarrassment overcoming me as I averted my eyes from his grinning face.
I soon got control of myself, however, and wished the happy couple a fond good evening. She never did tell me his name.
CASE HISTORY FIVE
SUBJECT: Josie F. AGE: Fifteen
INTERVIEW ONE
The girl who came into my office was pretty in the way that cheer leaders are. Blonde, Ail-American look, with blue eyes, a charming shape, and a lovely face. Although she was only fifteen, she had a sizeable bust, and she wore jeans that tightly followed the seductive lines of her figure.
As you may know, Doctor, I am a cheer leader at Newton High, even though I am a freshman. I am out there, in front of the school with the other girls, trying to get the stands do their bit to support the school.
Well, after the game with Wheatley High, we went over to Brown's, the local pub, and because I was with the older students, they did sneak me a couple of gin and tonics. It was a happy time, being with the girls and the guys.
One time that I looked around to see who was there, I noticed this man at the bar, about forty, with dark eyes and a strong face. Just as my eye picked him up, he turned away, as if he had been staring at me, and seemed guilty.
I was in such a great mood that I didn't really care who was looking at me, in fact, I was floating with the drinks. I thought, naturally, he would look at a pretty girl.
You see, doctor, I had just blossomed out this year. My figure started to develop and my bust, and the boys were beginning to notice me. Until this year, however, I was just a kid that the boys went right by!
Now, they all were looking, and I. felt popular and attractive, even though I had not done any real dating. I was comparatively innocent in the whole area of sex.
Anyway, afterward, we all went out, and dropped off the various kids on the way home. I finally ended up with Margarite, whose home is four blocks before mine.
So, there were these four blocks to walk through to get to my house. It was dark at the time, of course, and just about here, the houses thin out, and there is one street of an empty lot.
I was walking along, my head dancing with the excitement of the day, so that I didn't even notice the car. It stopped alongside me, or just in front. And I kept walking.
Then a voice from the car called out for directions to Edwards Street.
I came to the edge, to tell them where it was.
The door opened, and it was this man.
He had a knife in his hand. "Get in, if you don't want to get hurt," he said. His voice was really ugly. I felt that he would hurt me if I didn't. There was nobody around, we were on a dark street. I thought I might run for it, but there was something about him that made me cancel that idea.
He grabbed my arm, and hissed at me. "I'm not going to hurt you. Just don't anything crazy. Get it."
So, I got in.
He moved the car nice and easy up the street, and I was hoping that someone had seen us from the window. But my hopes for it were low.
My heart was beating, and I was frightened to death.
I recognized this man, as the one at the bar, who had been watching me, and now I realized why he had. Oh, doctor, you have no idea how frightened I was!
"Take it easy, kid," he said. "Nobody's gonna hurt you. Just don't panic. Don't try anything funny."
And he drove just past my house, so that I could see the lights in the window, even see my mother walking past the window. It really tore me up.
I wondered what would happen. He didn't look crazy. He just looked like someone who wanted what he wanted, and was willing to take a crazy chance to get it.
He drove out of town, out toward the Trent Woodlands, and got into a secluded place out there.
All this time, he had the radio on, so I could hear rock music, the kind I loved, and news of our win over Wheatley High.
It all seemed so normal, that it was hard to think that I could be in any danger.
"Listen," he said, after we slowed down. "Now, don't get excited or anything. We're just gonna have a good time. You won't get hurt, unless you behave bad. If you screech or make a terrible fuss, it's just you that's gonna get hurt. Not me."
Then he reached into his glove compartment and brought out a bottle of scotch.
"Here, kid. Have a drink. It'll make things easier."
"What are you going to do, mister? You're not gonna hurt me."
"Take a drink and relax. You're gonna have a good time. That's all."
"Look, mister. I'm just a kid. I'm only fifteen. I don't know anything about having a good time. I'm just too young for fooling around."
He grinned at me. "No. Kid, you're just the right age for fooling around. You didn't know that, did you?"
"Please, mister. Let me go. I won't tell a soul. Nobody will know. Please."
"Don't beg, kid. A sharp looking chick like you shouldn't beg for anything. It's time you learned all about the real world, anyway. You're the right age." He gave me some.
I was too frozen to drink it.
He lifted my hand, helped me drink some.
Then he stared at me, his eyes greedy. "You're some sharp looker, kid. I admired you at the game. And I admired you at the bar. You're too good to waste on those wet-assed kids. I'm gonna teach you how to appreciate a good man. So that, when you get involved you'll be able to handle yourself better."
And he put my hand over his crotch.
I had not, until then, realized it, but somehow, he had got his cock out, so that it was there in the flesh, naked!
It was such a shock to me, that I pulled away, as if I had touched a hot stove.
He laughed. "You never touched a hot cock before. I can tell. Here, come back. Learn about what a real cock is like!"
And he got my hand and brought it back to his cock!
I was in shock, but at the same time, amazed at the size of the thing. I have a young brother, Freddie, four years younger. When he was a kid, I saw his thing, and it was a tiny piece of flesh. It never occurred to me that the thing could grow to this enormous hunk of meat. It was tremendous. Thick, fat, muscular, and hot, with veins on it.
It almost hypnotized me, and I felt a sharp excitement, for he forced me to hold it. The silky feel of it, the thick head of it. I had to look at it, however shook up I was.
"Nothing like it around," he grinned. He seemed to have pride.
"What do you mean?" I stumbled.
"Ever seen a prick like this?"
"I've never seen one ever! Oh, mister, please let me go. I'm too young for you. You need a grown woman."
"Don't tell me what I need. I need young chicks like you. You're the only kind. I know you're a virgin. One look at your face told me you were a virgin! I can read it like a book."
"But why should you want a young kid, if you can get older women?"
"Because young kids turn me on!"
"Look, you'll be glad you met me, after we're through," he gloated.
And he pulled on my shirt, unbuttoned it, and got my breasts out.
"Now, keep your hand on my cock, kid. Don't take it away."
The funny thing, doctor, is that I didn't .want to take it away. It had become the most fascinating thing I ever held in my life. I was frightened, all right, but I surely was fascinated, too."
And he bent down and started to kiss my boobs. He put his mouth over my tit and began to suck on the nipple. I could smell the booze on his breath, smell his sweat. I could see his thick neck. His hands were so strong, that I thought he had to be in some physical work.
He was a powerful man, and I could not, in any way, resist him, if he wanted to rape me.
And, it was foolish for me to imagine that he would not want to rape me. I figured it out. That he didn't care for older women. That he wanted only young girls. Perhaps, he could only respond sexually to young girls.
I understood there were men like that. It was horrible to be at the mercy of a man like him, but it would be stupid, I figured, to do crazy things. Like to fight for my virginity.
I figured that ultimately, my virginity would go. So it happened a little earlier than later.
My main hope was that he wouldn't hurt me. And there was nothing in his attitude that seemed to be, well, criminal.
My mind was working a mile a minute, even though we were sitting there, and he was sucking my breast.
He went to the other breast, and sucked that. And, I couldn't help feel turned on. He was making me excited, in spite of myself. I kept holding onto his huge cock, and he was sucking my tits.
It all turned me on. I could feel my own groin wet. I felt a real wetness between my thighs.
I thought to myself. This man, this stranger, is going to fuck me. I thought that it would be one of the boys at school, Bobby, who I really admired. A terrific tennis player, an athlete, a beautiful guy. I thought that he would be the guy that ultimately I would give my cherry to.
But, suddenly, like a bolt from the blue, this stranger comes, and I find myself in his car in the woods, holding his cock. Feeling his licking my nipples, and sending a shaft of excitement through me.
I wondered what was ahead now.
I just didn't want to be hurt. But was there any way of. avoiding the hurt. He would not be satisfied, I felt, unless he got to my cherry. He was what the men called a cherry buster!
INTERVIEW TWO
"What's your name."
"Josie."
"My name is Frank."
We looked at each other. I was holding his cock, he was holding my tit.
He laughed. "Okay, Josie. Get all your clothes off. We gotta make better contact."
"No."
He gave me the gimlet stare. And there seemed to be danger in it. "Don't hurt me."
I started to get my jeans off, then my panties.
He stared at my body, all nude, beside him. "Slip onto the back seat. I'll be there." And he, too, began to get his clothes off.
He watched me climb over, staring at my ass.
"Honey, you've got a gorgeous ass. I might just want to kiss that sweet ass of yours."
His body was hairy, lots of hair on his chest. He was muscular, well-developed, a strong body. When he climbed over, I could now see his cock and balls, the hair over his cock.
He put his arms around me. And he crooned.
"Oh, you are one sweet bitch!"
There was an excitement in this stranger holding me like that. I had to confess it. I was frightened of his intentions, but his body did a lot of things to my head.
I watched him.
He laid me out alongside of the seat, and got his face up against my crotch. I had no idea what he was going to do. I thought he wanted to stare at my cunt, to see what it was like.
Instead, he kissed it!
I had never had anyone do that to me.
Then he spread my cuntlips and put his tongue into my pussy and started to lick around. It seemed incredible that anyone would do such a thing!
I almost jumped up, from the shock of it, but he had me nailed down. He wouldn't let me loose, not in a million, for what he was doing seemed to give him tremendous excitement!
"Oh, you honey-pot. You sweet young honey-pot," he moaned, in between sucking my pussy.
He seemed to know where to put his tongue, for it make my vagina really vibrate. I enjoyed the touch of his tongue, the hard way it went in and out. As if it were a male cock, rather than a tongue.
I felt a powerful impulse to push his head into my crotch, because of the funny tense feelings that were going on.
Suddenly, I felt this tremendous gush of feelings, the orgasm, and I went off in a cloudburst! It was fabulous, the way that I felt. Like a great spasm of the pleasure nerves in my pussy!
I grabbed his head and pushed him into my cunt, and found myself heaving up my thighs against his face! It just was unbearably beautiful.
And this stranger, called Frank, had done it to me.
I almost felt glad that he had grabbed me off the street, to give me this excitement.
But this was just the beginning for him.
"You liked that, didn't you, Josie?" He was grinning, and his lips were wet, obviously, from my cunt-juice. He wiped his mouth.
I couldn't tell him that I liked it. Though my actions told him plenty, I suppose. After all, you don't tell a rapist you are enjoying the rape, do you, doctor?"
But he now grabbed my face, and kissed me. I was shocked, because he had just been licking my pussy. I could practically taste my own cunt-juice on his lips!
Still, it was even exciting, him kissing me. I was turned on by this guy who came out of left field,and was doing all these wild things to me. He made me discover my body! That was what was really happening.
Then, to my shock, he pushed my head down toward his cock.
"Now. It's your turn, Josie, to do that to me. Suck my cock."
"What?"
I was stunned that should want me to do such a thing to him. Yet, he had, in a way, done that to me. But i found myself completely at his mercy. I would have to do what he wanted. Yet, I confess, doctor, that it was an interesting problem.
I approached his prick, for he had my head forced down, my mouth just over it.
I stared at the size of it! A spectacular size. What a huge cock! I wondered if I could get my mouth around it, it seemed that big.
He pushed my head closer.
"Kiss it first. Gentle kisses, you little bitch."
I kissed his cock. The head of it. It was so silky, soft, yet hot."
"Now, lick it, along the shaft. Go up and down."
I did that, too. I was amazed at the silkiness of his cock.
Then, he told me to open my mouth and take the cock in. "Take it in your mouth, sweet bitch!"
It was the moment that I dreaded. Yet, it was also a moment that I craved for. I'll be absolutely honest, doctor. I opened my mouth and took in his cock.
The heat of hs cock was something amazing.
I let it just rest there, in my mouth.
"Now, get your tongue working under it. Then pulled your mouth up and down on the head of it. Do that, kid!"
So, I did that, too. I let my tongue work under it. And it seemed to do crazy things to him. He began to moan, and to mutter under his breath.
I could tell that what I was doing was knocking him out. He leaned back, as if too weak to do anything to respond to the sensations that he was getting from my mouth.
He could be my victim, now, if I wanted to suddenly destroy him, I thought. He was prostrate, out, just leaning back.
I could taste the leakage of his juices, the tart taste of it. It did not displease me. I found it exciting that I could do such tremendous thing to him. Weaken him, make him moan like that.
I began to get into the excitement of it. Of sucking on it. I found that the longer it stayed in my mouth, the more intense the excitement.
I was totally turned on by what I was doing. It seemed quite impossible that I was the innocent little cheer leader, who didn't know what for about sex. That I would now be sucking the cock of a strange man who suddenly appeared in my life!
How unpredictable is life, doctor!
That's partly the idea that streaked into my head when I was sucking his cock. But then, he spoke to me.
"Now, my balls. Lick them, too. Gently. Put them in your mouth, run your tongue over them.
So I went all the way down to his balls, and tried to do what he said. That was a different experience, somehow. But I was all into it now, and it no longer mattered what I did. I was so high on the sex thing, that I was ready to do anything he asked.
And, of course, he asked it.
"Now, stick your tongue up my ass, and wiggle it there.
And to my amazement, I went ahead and did it, just like that. Nothing seemed beyond me, at this moment.
"Now, go back to my cock and suck it till I come."
I did as he directed me. I was a zombie, ready to cooperate with my destroyer.
I went back to his cock, and it seemed that I had got greater skill, more technique than ever. Because I could suck his cock marvelously now.
I went at it as if it were the tastiest piece of meat in the world. I bit it lightly, and licked it, worked my tongue under it. I was really carried away by the sucking and by the powerful response that it had in him.
I could then feel him swelling up.
And his voice, very agitated said, "When I come, keep your mouth over my cock. Don't let go, do you hear. Hold it. Swallow it. Swallow the juice."
And then it hit me. His cock spilled its seed, a whole gush of cream right into my mouth. If he had not warned me, I would have gagged to death, it was so sudden and strange.
But I was swallowing part of it, and letting some of it get away, for it was just too much. I would surely have strangled.
He held my head so that I couldn't totally release his cock.
And then, he slumped back, leaving his cock in my mouth.
We stayed like that, until I felt his thing starting to lose its rigidity. Start to get soft and limp.
Then, I pulled away, and got some tissues to wipe my face.
"That's good for your skin," he said. "It's pure protein. Helps your beauty."
I said nothing, just wiped the juice from my lips.
I wondered now, what would happen. Whether it was all over.
It hadn't been all that terrible. If only he didn't hurt me, then it wouldn't be such a terrifying experience.
"Can we go now?"
He smiled. "What's the hurry, kid? You're enjoying yourself. You know it."
I had been, but why tell him that!
It had been a tremendously exciting scene for me. My first sex scene, and with this virile, older man.
"Why can't we go?"
"Why? Why do you suppose?"
"I don't know. You look tired. You look finished."
"Oh. Yeah. Well, don't count me out that fast, kid. We haven't fucked yet!"
Fucked! Then he would want to fuck after all. That's what really frightened me. That's how he might hurt.
I tried to imagine what it would be like when that thick heavy cock of his tried to get into my virginal cunt. The idea was terrifying.
"Please let me go. I've give you enough."
"Now, now, kid. You know that it's been fun for you too. We'll have one good fuck. Then I may let you go."
I felt despair. I would still have to undergo a bad experience. Up till now, I hadn't really been sexually molested in the strictest sense. Just my mouth had been violated. But now, it would be my vagina.
I was truly frightened.
He relaxed, then, took out the bottle of scotch, and drank some more, meanwhile telling me that I was lucky to have my first sex experience with a grown guy, and not a pimpled kid, who didn't know which way to put his cock.
"After we get through, you'll know what to expect from a guy. You won't waste your time with the little pimpled kids."
I was thinking that I preferred to be with the pimpled kids.
So, he talked for a while of this and that, sort of relaxing. Then, he told me that it was time to fuck. And, just to get it up fast, for me to lick his cock again.
I just wanted to get it over by that time.
So, I went down to his cock, and put it into my mouth. It grew hard and long. It was a miracle the way it grew in size in my mouth.
Then, he laid me alongside on the backseat, spread my legs wide.
"Is it gonna hurt?" I asked, all anxious.
"If it hurts a little, don't mind it. Because, afterward, you're gonna love it!"
He got it on the edge of my pussy, and pushed in. His cock seemed to instantly fill my pussy. A huge hunk of meat. He kept pushing and pushing, and each push gave me pain.
He had got in where nothing had ever been before. And he had such a large hunk of meat, that the pain was very sharp.
He got to the hymen, and it stopped him.
He cursed, and cursed, and pushed and pushed.
I wanted to scream, but I didn't I just gritted my teeth.
Finally, while he sweated and cursed and pushed, he broke through. A plop, and I knew he had busted my cherry. I felt the gush of fluid, and guessed it would be blood.
"Hey, we did it!" His tone was gloating. He rested for a minute, for me to get used to it, then pushed in, again, going all the way in.
It was pain, lots of pain, with some pleasure, too.
I was about to pass out from the feeling of that huge, monstrous cock in my virgin cunt. I really felt violated. Like some brute had stuffed me with a huge salami.
But, now, that he had busted through, the time came for his fun. He grabbed my buttocks, held them firmly, and started a movement, of in and out. Over and over, in and out, each time that he did it however seemed to increase my pleasure. More and more.
I found it thrilling, actually.
I began to expect each plunge with pleasure. Because I could tell that the orgasm thing was building up in me. So, that, when he finally went off, I could feel the spurt of his hot juice, and I, in turn, went off, too.
My cunt seemed to explode with pleasure. A terrific wave of pleasure that went all over my body.
That was it!
After that, he wanted no more of me. He dropped me on the edge of town, told me not to look back at the car or he would be forced to hurt me.
Then, he drove off fast into the night.
I didn't tell my folks or anything. I just feel frightened every time I walk the street alone. I expect an attack. It's terribly upsetting.
CONCLUSION
This girl has a lot of psychological strength. She was able to endure a lot that many other girls would have collapsed under. She did some thinking that prevented her from becoming hysterical. She kept her poise. After all, she was dealing with a rapist. They can really be violent. She handled him and herself well, considering that tough spot that she was in.
Now, all she needs is the therapy that assures her the streets are not always dangerous. She needs therapy that will eliminate her anxiety. The prognosis is good.
CASE HISTORY SIX
SUBJECT: Cathy AGE: Sixteen
INTERVIEW ONE
Cathy was an attractive girl, very athletic, into sports. She even came into the office with a tennis racket, and her carriage was very graceful. She had red hair, light skin, and a rather sensual mouth. Her manner was distraught, and it was obvious that she had undergone a dramatic experience.
Well, doctor, this happened just outside camp. We started out to hitchhike to town, me and my friend, Daisy, when Daisy said she had forgot her letters, and wanted to go back for them.
I said that I'd just meet her in town at the movie house. And so that, when the next car came by, I stuck out my thumb and the car stopped.
This area has always been pretty safe, at least, I never heard of anything ever happening. So, the last thing that ever occurred to me was that it would be dangerous to thumb a ride.
Well, when I got into the car, I realized that I had actually got in with a stranger, and that it had been stupid to hitch without a friend. There is safety in numbers.
The man was about forty, rugged looking, and obviously not from the neighborhood. Someone passing through. He smiled at me pleasantly, and said, "It's a nice day."
"Sure is. And thanks for the lift."
He smiled. "Oh, it's a pleasure to give a lift to someone like you."
I had to smile. "Thank you."
"You are at just about the perfect time of your life," he said."How old? Seventeen?"
"Sixteen."
"Sweet sixteen. The best age of the life for a girl."
"I don't know. It can be a drag, sometimes, being this young. You sort of have to wait for the good things to happen."
He drove slowly and glanced over, to study me.
"I can't imagine that you should wait for any good things to happen. You can make them happen. Even now."
"Well. I'm not sure of that. Marriage, that's one of the good things."
He laughed. "Can a kid of sixteen be thinking of marriage already? You need to have a lot of sex before you get married. Don't you?"
That em harassed me. It was none of his business. But he was being direct. I thought that I'd be, too.
"Well, I believe a girl shouldn't get into sex before marriage. That's the way I've been brought up."
"Oh, that's a bad mistake," he said, driving very slowly, as if he was in no hurry to get anywhere.
"The more experience you have with guys before marriage, the less error you make when you finally do get married."
I shrugged my shoulders. I was a virgin, myself, and I just didn't want to get into a discussion of such matters with a perfect stranger.
"Actually, I can think of no greater error for a young girl to make than to get involved with some guy before she's had sex with him. You check it out. All the newest sex theories say that. Don't you agree?"
"No. I don't agree. I think a girl should come to her husband a virgin. It makes for a more secure marriage. He knows that you haven't fooled around before. He expects you to be faithful. And it works out. That's my mother's teaching, and she's been married for forty years. They have a happy marriage, too. My parents."
"I think you're dead wrong. I don't want you to make that mistake, young lady. In fact, I think it's my duty to prevent you from making a bad mistake."
He had turned off the road to town, and taken a different side road that was into the country.
"Look! I think you've missed the road to town."
"Oh, that's right. Well, don't worry. We'll get it straight. There must be another road up ahead that brings us back."
But there was no road like that ahead. It all seemed strange to me, the whole terrain was different, more wooded, thickset trees. He saw another small road and decided to take it, to see if it led anywhere.
I became rather concerned, mostly because of our stupid conversation. I took a secret look at him, and realized he was a tough looking guy, with a sort of strange look in his eyes.
I wondered if I should be worried. He didn't talk as if he would act strange, in fact, he seemed to be very normal in his talk. Even if he did discuss the sex thing.
Still, I was getting the wrong vibrations. He ha; stopped talking and seemed to be looking over the terrain, as if he wanted to find the right place.
Not to get back to-the road, but to stop.
I got terribly frightened suddenly, for no reason, and wondered what to do if he attacked me. It seemed impossible that he would, though.
But then, he drove toward a clump of trees, off the road, and I knew I was in trouble. Why would he drive there?
I wondered if I could make a run for it, when he stopped the car. We had really got away from any sign of life, and were far off the main road.
It was a hot day, and the sun came down heavy, but still, you just wouldn't imagine he'd do anything in the daylight like this.
I was dead wrong.
For when he got into the tree area, he stopped.
He turned to me. "You see, kid. I think you're all wrong about not having experiences. I think you should have them. Because it will stop you from making a bad mistake in your marriage.
"I'm gonna tell you this. That I got married, and I was a virgin. I didn't know what a cunt looked like. I never even masturbated. I avoided the whole theme of sex. When I got married, I was a clumsy idiot. My wife thought I didn't know which side was up. She was completely disenchanted with my love making. She thought I was a cluck. And, within three weeks, she walked out on me.
"That almost broke me up. It took quite a long time for me to realize it was nothing but my sex ignorance that was responsible for the stupid muddle. Now, I'm going to do you a great favor, kid. I'm going to introduce you to sex. I know it could frighten you. That you don't want it. But I want it. And if you resist me. If you fight me. Then it will much the worse for you. Because I'm just beat the living hell out of you. So, be graceful about it. If you're gonna be raped, just lay down and enjoy it Confucius said that."
I couldn't believe my ears. By the time he had finished, I was just about ready to faint. My sex experience had actually been nothing. Just as his was
I wondered if he was telling the truth. It sounded like the truth. But wasn't the cases different a man and a I began to plead with him. "Please, let me go. Please. I'm just a child. I'm too young for this sort of thing. It will ruin me. My whole psychology in sex, is to wait. I have never had any real serious sex with anyone. Please, be kind."
"You're sixteen. You're ready."
And then he grabbed me and kissed me. He was strong as a lion. There was no resisting him, even if I wanted. And I thought I was an athlete. But he was a powerful man.
He. just pinned my arms together, and put his mouth on mine, and started to kiss me. Passionately. His lips rubbed on mine, then he forced my mouth open, and put his tongue in my mouth, pulled it out, out of fear, probably that I would bite it off.
I felt mad enough, and tried to struggle, but his strength was overpowering.
His hands went down to my shirt, and he unbuttoned it, carefully. I had a light bra on, and he just ripped that right off.
He took my breast in his mouth, and tugged on my nipple.
"Ohhhh, don't, please don't!"
I tried to pull his head away from me, but he stopped then. And suddenly slapped my face, real hard!
He stared at me. "Look, if you want me to get rough with you. I will. I'll knock you all over this car, if you're not careful. I don't want any shit out of you."
He took hold of my tit again, rubbed the nipple.
"You might as well relax and enjoy, otherwise you'll get a couple of black eyes, and you'll know you've been through hell!"
I was shocked by his violence. Somehow I didn't expect that, but it came like a shot out of the blue. I wondered if he had other violence in him, and if my resistance might bring it out.
I was too innocent. That was my trouble. Everything he did seemed to upset me. I was not letting myself feel. All that I thought about was the horror of it. That my innocence was being lost to a stray guy, someone I didn't know.
That's why I was so upset.
I started to do some heavy thinking.
If I wasn't careful, I could really get hurt. There was no point to getting hurt. Any man who'd rape a girl would do more to conceal his crime, if he thought it would get him punished.
So, it was urgent that I not be hysterical. That I keep a cool head. I was not letting myself feel. I was responding to him, as if he was some student trying to get fresh.
And defending my virtue.
That was stupid. I should remember that he was no wise kid trying to get fresh, but a grown man who could kill me, bury me right outside here, and they'd never find me. I mean, anything could happen.
I would not fight him. I would go along with him.
So, after I made this decision, somehow, I felt calmer. I waited for his actions.
He seemed to want to suck my tits. So I let him do it. I no longer pushed his head away. I relaxed and because of that, I could feel the excitement. There is something marvelously exciting about having one's nipples sucked. I hadn't quite realized it.
For the first time this was happening to me. I was sixteen years old, and nobody had ever sucked my nipples before.
He was doing it, and it really thrilled me.
He then told me to pull down my shorts. He opened them, and when he saw my red pussy-hair, it seemed to make him wild. He really jumped at that. He growled like an animal over a hunk of meat, and put his face down at my pussy.
He began to kiss my pussy, then, mouth it, and groan, like it really excited him.
"Oh, you have a real beautiful cunt. Red-hair pussy. And a sweet tasting cunt!"
He got his tongue in me, and began to lick it. He stuck his fingers in my cunt, too, as well as his tongue.
I was astonished. I had no idea that he would do such a thing to me. I found it thrilling beyond belief. His wet tongue titillating my clit did some delicious things to me.
It was all such an exquisite experience, having him go down on my pussy, that I began to get interested in what else would happen. I thought he was terribly considerate, not asking me to do things to him.
But doing things that got me excited. I wondered if this made him excited, too, or was it just that he wanted to get me hot and bothered.
I felt a terrific turn-on, from what he was doing. But, while he did it, he was fiddling around with his pants. He was taking them off!
Now, I knew it would be the real thing. I would have to confront his maleness. And all that.
I trembled at it. I have to confess. For years I had kept away from that sort of thing, frightened by it. Terrified of it. Now, in a setting of possible violence, I would have to face it.
INTERVIEW TWO
So, it now began to happen. For he stood up, and showed me his thick hard. I had never seen a cock in heat. Or, I'm not stupid. I have seen pictures, and diagrams, and read about sex.
But a real live, breathing, palpitating hunk of meat, just in front of my face! It was the thing in life, and just in front of me.
"Kiss it, kid," he said.
He wanted me to kiss it! I have never touched it, never seen one, a real hard, that is. And he wanted me to kiss it!
I was shocked. But, then, that would be the situation from here on in. This guy would want crazy things from a virgin, and I was to pretend I could do them.
So, I bent down and took it in my hand. It was so surpringly big. They always get big when they are erect, of course!
I kissed it, because he forced my head against it. "Kiss it, you little cunt," he hissed at me.
I kissed it, again and again.
"Now suck it. Put it in your mouth and suck it. Like it was a lollipop. You dig?"
I did that, too. I put my mouth over the head of it. The hot, scorching hot head of it. I took it into my mouth. It was exciting. I found myself excited by it.
Especially, when he leaned down and began to stroke my pussy. That really made me fierce. Because he was turning on my pussy while I was sucking him.
The experience seemed to go together. I enjoyed it more, when he did that. It was beautiful. I had no idea that I had been missing all this fun. My body was tingling. I never had such feelings before. They were all new. I had nerves in my body that I never knew existed.
And it all flowed out of his cock. I felt the meat in my mouth, like a live thing. It throbbed. It was velvety soft, the skin of it. But the flesh was hard, rock hard.
He got excited suddenly, and held my head, so that it wouldn't move, and began to arch his hips. He was literally fucking me in the mouth. He shoved his cock into me and just when I through it would strangle me, he pulled it out.
It was just a tremendous experience something I never dreamed possible I hurt, of course. It hurt my mouth to have him jam that big thick cock into my mouth like that.
He kept telling me to use my tongue on it. Over and over. And then he fucked my mouth, like it was a cunt! I could feel him swelling up.
"Hold it there. Hold it there, when I come," he yelled at me. "Don't dare take your mouth away when I come," he said.
I could feel him swelling up, and apparently something was about to happen. I had no idea. But he would come. I knew what it meant. He would fire his seed into me. He wanted me to keep my mouth over it, when it happened! I tried.
And then he fired. I felt the spurt of juice in my mouth, down toward my throat.
"Swallow, swallow, kid!"
I swallowed. I pretended it was ice cream, and kept swallowing as each spurt of cream came from his cock. I kept my mouth over it, while it happened.
A tremendous thing, really!
Because, I think I swallowed every drop that came out of that hard, boisterous cock of his. I felt wrung out, afterward. His cock was still in me, but it was shrinking. Getting smaller. I felt as if I had defeated him, somehow!
I had knocked it off! It seemed like a victory for me. We were into games. I found that so far, I had not been hurt. I had had my pussy licked. I had licked his cock. We were together for about half an hour, and were still in good shape. I mean, I wasn't dead or anything.
I had learned an awful lot. No, there was no reason to get hysterical about it.
This man, in his own crude way, actually, was initiating me into the world of sex. And it was nothing to be frightened of, if you had the right attitude.
I waited for the next game. I was even impatient. I knew he would still want to fuck me. Why not? I was even ready. Might as well go the whole hog. Find out what sex was all about.
I thought of our conversation at the beginning. He thought it would be better for me to have a lot of sex experience before marriage. To avoid a mistake that he had had in his marriage.
Maybe that made sense. After all, if it was true that his marriage had wrecked because of ignorance, it might be a good idea to know what good sex was beforehand.
And ignorance could do a lot of damage, if you thought about it.
He was relaxing now.
"See, how easy it all is. This sex thing. You can get a big thrill from it, if you don't fight it. I think you got a good head on you. That's why you didn't act like it was the end of the world, just because you come face to face with a cock!
"You may thank me, in the years to come. Because you learned how great sex can me. If you got the right attitude. But, if you think it's a rotten sin, that it's dirty. That it's wrong to do it before you're married, then you're in a bag of shit, kid. Then, you really go down the drain."
I nodded. I didn't want to contradict him. He was still a rapist, as far as I was concerned, even though he was peeling off a lot of shit about pre-marital sex.
He had forced me. That is the key word. Forced. Once you use force to get sex from someone, it's nothing but crime.
And he was a criminal. Someday he would be caught trying to nail some girl. Then they'd hang him.
But I didn't have to make myself a martyr with him. Because he was sick, I didn't have to go off the deep end, too! I would hang in there.
He had some grass, and lit a joint, and then passed it to me. I didn't like the idea of getting high with him. But I had made a decision not to cross him. Not to create problems.
It was good grass, and I went up. I felt good. I even felt sexy. I was ready for something else. For fucking. Yes, doctor. Isn't it weird. I had been begging for him to let me go, only a half hour earlier. I was on the edge of panic. I couldn't visualize a sex experience.
Now, I was high with him. I was ready for him to fuck me. I was eager for him to fuck me, even. How can you explain it all?
We passed the joint back and forth and I was really floating. I liked the feeling. His body looked interesting to me.
I was annoyed now, that his cock was not erect. I wanted it erect, so that he would do something to me. I almost flicked my finger at it, to show my contempt for the fact that it was not erect.
It seemed an act of coldness to me. That I didn't turn him on.
"Now, we fuck," he said at last.
It's about time, I thought.
I was absolutely eager to have the experience, would you believe it, doctor. Some magic that he had done, made me, a screaming virgin, ready to scream to get my cherry busted!
How was that for a weird picture, doctor?
"Now, you have never been fucked, so it may give you a bit of pain. But don't go on about it. Just keep taking my cock in. And don't try to stop me from going in. No matter how tight you are, cunt, you're going to get all of my cock. It's the way it's going to be. If you stop me, we'll just get nasty and knock you around. I'd hate to do anything to spoil your good looks."
You see, doctor, after all, he was just a rapist, and it was stupid for me to think he was anything else.
He made me lie on my back on the back set, and he kneeled between my thighs, lifted my legs wide, so that he could get in easy. If he could get in.
I was worried that I would bleed a lot. That he might be blocked and get very rough and tear me apart. I worried about a lot of things. But part of me, the sinful part, was saying, 'well, Cathy, it's time for you to lose your cherry anyway. So what if it's a man! Instead of a boy. Better that way.'
He put his cock at my pussy, smiled at me, and then wiggled his cock into the aperture. I was tight. He could tell that in a minute.
"You're a virgin all right," he said, happily.
I suppose he liked to bust cherries. There are some weird guys like that, I've heard. I should think that most men would hate to get involved with all that blood and guts!
He pushed his hard cock into me. It was like a iron pipe going in. I felt it going into my pussy, a hard slab of meat, filling me up, slowly.
He didn't go into me roughly. He would push a bit, then stop. Push then stop. He was a considerate rapist, if you think about it!
Then, he got to the blocked part. He pushed, but he could go no further. He began to curse.
"Jesus, you got a tight crotch, kid. You got a hymen about an inch thick."
Hymen. He meant my maidenhead, I suppose. Well, what of it. Nature was protecting girls.
He pushed. It hurt bad. But I gritted my teeth. It was like being operated on!
I began to hate him, just because he was forcing his cock into me. It wasn't any pleasure. It was just one big hurt. His cock was pushing ahead, like a tractor. Everything in front of it was folding. My felt in front of his cock was caving in. he was gashing my flesh with the knife of his cock!
I relaxed as much as I could, breathing deeply, because I could tell that he was about to make a terrific push. He wanted to break through with his plunge. He grabbed my buttocks in his strong hands, held it firmly, went back with his ass, then plunged in!
I screamed!
He had broke through. I could feel the wet stream of blood in me pouring out. He had broke my cherry! I was no longer a virgin. I felt a terrible rush of melancholy. A depression. I felt terrible, that my cherry had gone to a total stranger, a brute who gave me a lift one summer day.
Okay, I would roll with the punches.
But, he had just started. Because now, that he had depth, he started to fuck me. He plunged in and out of me, coming almost all the way out then going all the way down. He banged his balls against my ass. He really fucked as hard as he could.
And before I knew what was happening, he blew his cork. He came! The friction of my tight cunt was too much for his cock. He went off like a gusher.
I could feel the juice fill my torn up cunt! It was over, just like that.
I could scarcely tell if I had even an inch of pleasure.
But he was in heaven. That was clear! He got his gun. And got cherry, too. He thought it was beautiful. Told me so.
Said, that he had done his job for me, sweet bitch. That now, I would know what a good fuck was like. That my experience would stop me from making an ass of myself!
But where am I now, doctor? I feel unimportant without my virginity. I think that I am worthless. I have been ruined. I am depressed.
CONCLUSION
This girl overrated the virgin thing, like some old fashioned girls do. She came out of a disturbing experience, with just a little depression. Mostly, because she felt the loss of virginity had diminished her. Therapy will give her reassurance on this. She will learn that virginity can be a mental thing. The right attitude will restore her gayety and self confidence, again. If looked at correctly, she could take pride in the fact that she handled a seriously disturbing experience with good poise, with a lot of mental health.
CASE HISTORY SEVEN
Subject: Olga O. Age: Thirty-seven.
INTERVIEW ONE
The case of Olga O. was one of the more depressing ones with which I had to deal. She was a librarian, approaching middle-age at the time of her first sexual encounter. Given the late age of her devirginizing, as well as the rather sordid circumstances, it is not surprising that the experience was not without trauma for her.
She was not a particularly attractive woman, although one could guess that, at a younger age, she had been somewhat pretty and desirable. In any event, it struck me as quite unusual that she had somehow avoided or denied her sexuality for so long a time.
It is quite understandable, then, that she was highly reluctant to divulge any details of her experience at first, but she did eventually confide in me, and found that the attentions of a sympathetic ear were very therapeutic for her.
She arrived a half hour late for her first interview, and was obviously of two minds about the whole business. But she did, as I said, let herself go after a while. The following pages give a more or less verbatim report of her account.
You see, she was thirty-five when it finally happened. Is that strange? I suppose so, Doctor, but there were reasons, I suppose.
Oh, not very good reasons. I had a number of chances when I was younger. There was one man, an accountant, who I met when I was nineteen and working during the summer between semesters at the university. He wasn't what you'd call an exciting man, but he was. . well, he showed interest in me, Doctor, and that was something, wasn't it?
I mean, it wasn't that I was so unattractive or anything like that. But I was very shy, and afraid of men, I guess. I never went out much, I hid in my books. I guess that's why I wanted to be a librarian: that way, I could hide in books forever.
But, this accountant fellow, he showed some interest as I said, and as he was a rather meek fellow, I felt it difficult to feel as afraid of him as I was of most men. And I was ready, you know, but it took me a while to admit it to myself, I guess, and by the time I did, well . . . like I said, he was rather meek, and gave up just when I was ready to give in. And I was a little too meek, myself, to give him . . . encouragement.
Well, maybe I didn't like him that much, that certainly had something to do with it. It usually does, doesn't it, Doctor? (Laughter.) But, you see, that was always the problem. I was too timid to accept advances from men I found attractive, and too finicky to go through with anything with the men who seemed safe enough to . . . Well, basically, I've always been a coward. That's the story of my dull little life, Doctor. But there was one exception, and that was a disaster.
He was a highly refined gentleman. I met him while I was working as a librarian at the university, I was twenty-five at the time, and my sexual frustration was . . . Well, even the word "extreme" doesn't do my feelings justice!
Naturally, just as I was certain he was the one I wanted, just as I felt sure I had finally overcome my lack of sexual courage, he told me he was married, and I felt that I was being used, just a diversion, I don't know. I've always regretted my not following through, anyway. He was a very nice man, and even a short affair would have been something!
Well, anyway, I just got more and more set in my ways after that. I stopped trusting any men, and resigned myself to becoming an old maid. But when I was thirty-five, just when I thought, for better or worse, I'd gotten past the time in my life when I could be susceptible . . . oh, I found out how vulnerable, how wretchedly weak I really was!
And what a man to get entangled with! He and I both worked in the library, and that's about where our common interests began and ended. And even that's granting him too much! After all, I was at least a professional, with something approaching an education; he was the night janitor, and I doubt if he ever finished high school.
He was bald, about fifty, and just another lost cause, like myself. For obvious reasons -obvious to me, even at the time he had never been married, or even had a real girl friend. He was hardly what you'd call a "good catch".
Why did I let it happen? Oh, I don't know! You could hardly say that there were bells ringing, or rockets going off, or any of that. He was such a coarse, ignorant, lonely man. It was . . . sordid, yes sordid. Why did I ever.. . ? "
Well, getting to the heart of the matter, Doctor, when nine o'clock rolled around every night, he and I would be the only ones left in the library. He was desperate for someone to talk to, and I guess I wasn't exactly saturated with social commitments myself. He used to talk to me while I was closing up shop at night, and I found him repulsive at first. But he hardly noticed how I found him, he was so desperate for any sort of contact, that the mere fact of his finding me was sufficient to provide him with some sort of small relief from his dull little life. Well, I was pretty cool to him, you can imagine! But night after night, he would try to strike up a conversation, and I would try to distance myself from him, and he would just try and try again. Finally, he made some pitiful attempts to talk about books with me, thinking that would be the one thing he might have some sort of chance of drawing me out on.
His questions were so foolish, his enthusiasm so pathetic, I wanted to just laugh at him. But I couldn't do that, really. I mean, I had to see him every night, and the thought of the tension that would have meant, every night feeling him feel humiliated, or worse, feeling myself being humiliated by his contempt for my cruelty toward him, I just . . . well, like I said, I've always been a coward.
Well, my contempt started turning into pity. After contempt, I guess that's what familiarity breeds next. So I started taking him on as a start of student. He was certainly eager enough, and I began to give him books to read, and then I'd talk to him about what he'd read.
He wasn't all that dumb, he seemed to get something out of what he read. His eagerness eventually began to touch me. After a while, I used to take him on late-night tours of the stacks, showing him where the different types of books were stored, trying to give him some sort of sense of what a library was all about.
It was quite a revelation to him, and I began to realize that I was showing much more than what a library was: I was showing him the dreary, pent-up substance that my life was. My life hardly existed except in that library!
I guess the emptiness of his life made me see how hollow my own was. But he, at least, had this childish enthusiasm, and I began to need it, I started to look forward to my nightly lecture tours with that sad little man.
Well, one night he asked me out to dinner. He was very awkward, as if he almost expected rejection as a matter of course. Let's say I was just as awkward, and that I fulfilled his expectations. At any rate, I guess I hurt him, and the next few nights, he slunk in and shied away from me while he made his rounds.
I felt pretty terrible. I mean, why should I hurt this poor man? But I didn't want to please him too much, either! I didn't know how to handle such an embarrassing situation, and after a few nights of watching him cower and sulk, I couldn't take it any longer, and so I made a clumsy attempt at apologizing to him.
Well, he didn't mind the clumsiness at all! He was all too happy to wag his tail and forgive. But then. I was really stuck with him. But I figured it could come to no real harm. I was mistaken, though.
Well, I felt obligated to be his friend now, and I began to like the role after a while. I mean, he was the only person I really talked to at all, and that was something, even if it wasn't very much!
But one night, it got to be too much, much too much!
We were walking through the stacks, and he wanted to see some books about birds. He liked to look at birds, all the things he liked were like that: simple, childish.
The thought of pulling out a pile of books on sparrows and blue jays and such equally dull business was a little much for me. I would have had to sit there with him for an hour, watching him ooh and ah at silly pictures of a lot of birds.
So I thought, if I'm going to have to stare at bird pictures, they might as well be a little interesting, so I decided to dig up some old medieval books on falconry, something that would at least have a taste of a different world to it, a world that couldn't possibly be as dull as the one I was living in. I mean, what are books for?
But the moldy old books on falconry were hidden in a remote and seldom visited section of the stacks, a section where a lot of crumbling, rare manuscripts and things were stored, that could only be entered by unlocking a metal gate with a key that only I had.
He didn't even know what falconry was, but when I told him about how the medieval lords would go hunting with these trained birds of prey, and set them loose from special gloves to go chasing pigeons and other harmless birds and then to smash into their skulls with their sharp beaks, sending them dropping to the earth for the lord to retrieve well, that kind of interested him.
He wanted to know what the falcon's flight was like. I tried to describe the deep, swooping flight of the bird, the way it would give a horrendous cry and then drop suddenly many hundreds of feet to smash the skull of its victim.
That fascinated him. And I began to realize how the flight of the falcon was a very sexual. sort of image: at least for someone as sexually starved as myself. And sitting there behind the metal gate of this stuffy, unused section of the library, alone with this sadly eager little man, I began to wonder if I'd brought this situation about with some sort of desperate ulterior motives.
I was disgusted with myself at the very thought. And then I began to fear that he might read my thought, suspect what my fear was, and not pay attention to the sense of disgust and subconscious slip that it held for f me, not even notice those parts of my fear, not even notice that it was fear.
Well, we were sitting there for some time, Doctor. He was entranced by all the old medieval engravings of falcons swooping down on their prey, of the medieval lords and ladies dressed for the chase, and he began to ask
I about what their lives were like.
I started to talk about the medieval code of chivalry, and soon found myself describing the medieval notions of courtship, of the woman's place, of . . . well, he was getting more and more interested, and I began to feel terrified of
I my unwanted, long suppressed carnal desires that seemed to be trying to find a way out into the open, into the very choice of topics that our talking kept drifting toward.
I got a hold of myself abruptly, and made a quick end of our liaison. His eyes drooped, and he followed me out of the enclave with his tail between his legs.
The next night, he came in with a bunch of wilted flowers, in bad imitation of the courtly behavior he'd seen the lords show to the ladies in the pictures in those books. I blushed at that, and felt embarrassed for him as he handed them to me. But he was so simple, so sincere about the whole thing, I felt . . . touched, I guess.
I had to fight back a tear or two, in fact. His eyes were lit up, and lie asked to go back to that caged room again, he wanted to slip into that far-away world with me again, and I couldn't refuse him.
I felt very hot and excitable as I walked back there with him. I was afraid those urges I had been so repulsed b; the night before would come back, would I stronger this time. But I felt myself walking to that room with him anyway.
Olga drifted off at this point, and couldn't go on. She said she wanted to stop then, and I persuaded her only with some difficulty to agree to a second interview on the following day.
But she did agree, and we set a time. I knew the second interview would probably be dreadful for her, but I felt she needed to work through the experience if she were to ever overcome the horrible effect it had had on her subsequent life.
She was trembling when she left, and I expected she would be trembling even worse on the following day. I was not to be disappointed, as it turned out.
INTERVIEW TWO
Olga was late again, and fretted for a few minutes over some minor item which she had apparently misplaced, fumbling through her purse in search of it for a few minutes until I interrupted her dodge and brought her back to the main reason for her presence in my office.
She grew red when I brought up the distasteful subject, but she began talking about it, nonetheless. In fact, once she started, she became extremely absorbed in it, and spoke without any significant pauses for the remainder of our time.
I was careful not to interrupt the flood of her reverie.
When we got to the cage where the falconry books were, he went immediately to the one with the picture of the falcon smashing his sharp beak into the skull of the pigeon. He stared quietly at it for a few minutes, his eyes aglow, and I noticed that there was a bulge beginning to develop in his pants.
I began to breathe heavily. I was experiencing the same disturbing sensations I had felt the night before, but the sight of his male member jutting so grotesquely through his pants gave me a cold shiver. I couldn't take my eyes off it, and I was afraid he'd notice the attention I was paying to it and do something frightful.
My leg was rubbing against his, we were sitting closely together in the small space, and an unfamiliar twinge of sensation became horribly, uncontrollably noticeable between my thighs.
I felt that I would swoon, and fought desperately against the unwelcome surge of sensations welling up in me, and prayed I would find some sort of excuse to be rid of him, to leave that little room.
Then, anticipating my flight, I took out the key to the gate to the cubicle, and while I fumbled it in my hands, I somehow managed to drop it on the floor.
It made a clanking, ringing sound as it hit the hard marble floor, and he heard it and looked down and then reached to fetch it. When he picked it up, he looked at me suddenly, and saw where my eyes were directed.
A wild, starved look came into his eyes, and he pocketed the key and put his hands on my knees. I gasped and shut my eyes, turning my head against the wall. He moved his dirty, calloused hands up my legs, and I moaned, and whispered that he must stop. But my dropping the key was read as complicity, and my staring at his erection without voicing my outrage was only read as further proof, and soon I began to realize that there would be no stopping him.
Did I want to stop him then? Oh, I thought I did, but my body and my mind seemed to be arguing with each other. Having had so little sexual contact with men, I had no idea how to cope with a man's advances, how to turn off the insidious machinations of my own long thwarted instincts once they had been set in motion.
Did I want to stop him? I suppose not, I suppose not. As his hands reached the hem of my skirt and went underneath to graze my wobbly knees, I still thought of resistance, but thought and action were opposed to each other. I did try to wriggle free of him when his coarse, insensitive hands pushed their way into my underclothes and prodded into my sexual parts. But as soon as he touched me there, a jolt shot through me that paralyzed me, made me numb and helpless. It felt so dirty, and yet . . . perhaps, in that moment of weakness, I thought I needed some dirt in my antiseptic life!
I loathed myself as I heard some strange part of myself kick off my shoes and allow him to roll down my stockings and rub my naked legs. I sobbed uncontrollably as he reached up to fumble with the buttons of my blouse. His eyes met mine then, and I winced and started to cry as I saw the tortured, bestial longing in his suddenly wild eyes. There was no way he would stop now, I realized, and my arms surrendered to the inevitable and hung limply as he slid down the sleeves of my blouse, the straps of my bra, and began to fondle my tender, aching breasts.
I was lying on the floor now, only my panties, rolled half way down my thighs, still clung to my body. It was cold in that cage of a room, and I shivered at his every rough touch of my body. I thought of the two men I had almost been with before, so many years before, and as I looked at this sad, hungry man, I felt how bitterly wasted my best years had been, how even that accountant was a prize compared to the gnarled janitor who was now stooping over me.
That hideous lump in his pants soon lost one layer of the shabby cloth that had been hiding it from my sight. The change in his pockets, and the large ring of keys that he carried with him on his rounds, clinked and jingled against the marble as his pants sagged to the floor. There was no place for me to hide in, the cage had so little room inside, and I was forced to stare at him, my eyes fixed with horrid fascination on the swelling organ that seemed ready to rip his drawers apart with the powerful agony of its pressure.
As he slipped out of his shorts, I saw, for the first time in my life, the swollen phallus of a human male. The sight made me catch my breath, I had no idea they could be so large, so bent and knobby, so seeming strong and all-powerful. My mind was unbearably agitated just then, and in my fright and fascination, I reached out to touch the oppressive, unreal thing, to convince myself of its actual presence there before me, to get some more than visual picture in my mind of what it was that seemed so intent on doing violence to me now.
When I touched it, the sense of dirt, of filth, returned, and in its train came an urge to sink into it, to join the grime of his sweaty body to the clean and proper flesh of my own long suffering flesh.
Oh, I wanted to welcome it then, welcome at last the embrace of a man! I wanted him to go slowly, to give me time to accustom myself to the thought of what was finally to happen to me, to give me the few moments I needed to make my body unloose itself and allow itself to feel this thing that was still but a tingling, a peculiar hurt, a perilous unknown.
But this was denied me. Oh, I had a few short, mind-erasing seconds as his mouth drooled around the base of my nipples, making them protrude and tighten and grow electrifyingly tender to the harsh sucking strokes of his lips. But he only touched me briefly there, between my legs, he only began to start that fire, to get the kindling wood glowing, before he threw his massive log abruptly into the furnace.
I had a few seconds of shock when it entered me. It ripped into me unmercifully, shredding the virginal, atrophied walls of my unused vagina as it angrily penetrated into me. But then, it hit the hard, ancient wall of my maidenhead, and I will never forget the violent death it died.
It seemed to take an hour of battering before it finally was shattered by the stubborn ramming of that hard, cruel instrument of his. I bit my tongue until I drew blood, and then I felt the blood oozing out of my vagina and dripping in a steady stream on to the marble.
Then, when I thought I'd been ripped apart, he stabbed me deeper, much, much deeper than I had imagined it possible.
It felt so vile! I hated him then. And then it went still further!
I knew there was no turning back then. At least I knew that much, and knowing anything in the midst of all those strange, unbearable sensations was a comfort to m But then, when I thought I had attained the most abject possible state, my entire shiver was rocked by a devastating surge of some totally unknon, devastating sensation. I tried to repress it, to turn it off, to find it ugly, bestial, but it was too powerful. As it tore through me, I surrendered without knowing how to its tortuous pleasure.
I had never known such a thing. I had read so many books about this sort of thing, I had tried to form some image of it in my mind, but it could not be felt in my mind alone, I was not feeling it then in my mind at all!
What is it? What is it? I kept asking myself that answerless question, until my mind could no longer ask, or formulate, anything. My mind was erased, my body had taken me over completely, doing a strange, alien dance that I felt myself performing without any sense of how, or to what end.
Then something exploded, or caught fire, or dissolved, I don't know what to describe it as, but I squawked like a stabbed bird, like a pigeon just bludgeoned by a great, swooping falcon, and then there was nothing, nothing I could name. I seemed to fall, without there being any bottom.
I heard him scream, and then his chest collapsed into me with a thud as he released a steaming load of alien substances into the sore wound he had made between my legs. I shrieked, and heard myself give a rattling moan that did not seem to be from my body. Then my limbs convulsed, and against my will, or what little was left of it still, all the bones and muscles in my body bent inwards and squeezed together, squeezed down to the throbbing source of all these unfamiliar acts and feelings, and then my orifice heaved, as if to vomit, and retched out a spasmodic stream of warm syrup that stuck to my thighs and the mat of drenched, bloodied hair between them.
I was over soon, leaving me confused, shamed, and wanting more of it, wanting to know better what it was, what it could be if I left my body totally to its own devices and surrendered willingly to it.
He understood, when he was done, how little I understood what we had done there. Even an inexperienced man, and such he doubtless was, would know. He cock, now tame and tiny compared to what it had just been, slid out of me slowly, and I could see how the blood from my body clung to its shaft. The sight of it sickened me. But it also forced upon me a burning memory of the pleasure it had just brought me, and I was hypnotized by it, unable to speak or move.
Suddenly, years of pent up desires and unknown longings overwhelmed me, demanding more than the tiny morsel of ecstasy I had just nibbled on. My hand stretched across the space separating me from his implement, it grabbed it ferociously, stretching and tugging until I felt it swell again and become ready for more.
There was a look of astonishment in his eyes. He became an animal, and the quickness with which he was able to cast of the shell of his humanness drained me of my last resistance, infected me with its crass animal cravings. My sould filled to the brim with lust, excluding all else from it as I hauled his prick back down to my hole and skewered myself on its stiffening blade. This time, I closed off all other sensation, I shut my eyes tightly and ignored my ears, hearing only the raging pulse of my blood in my skull, I drifted away from all those things I was used to noticing, and the previously atrophied senses of my suddenly raw insides.
Oh! This time I drained the scum out of him, I used him ruthlessly for my own pleasure! My limbs, caught so unawares the first time, now took on a life all their own, a hungry, calculating will forcing them to seek what I needed then. I smothered him with the grappling violence of my uncontrolled yearning, I fought for every spurt of pleasure I felt ripping through me, I sucked the life out of his hard cock, gnawed at it with my ravaging cunt until my hole burned and dripped its dew on his groin.
It was the only way to fight off the shame, the sense of years wasted, only to have my precious little box finally squander its long buried treasure on such an undeserving man.
When he was done, he whimpered, but I rose, triumphant, rid at last of all that meek, retreating wretchedness that had kept me imprisoned in my virginity for so many years. Now he was the weak one, apologizing for what he had done, bowing his head, fawning, groveling and begging for me to forgive him.
Forgive him! I had been awakened by him. He was no Prince Charming, kissing me back to life after an enchanted interlude and carrying me off to a magic castle on a white steed, but he was all my miserable self-denial had made available for the taking. And so I took, no longer ashamed, no longer timid, no longer too proud to make use of him and no longer so meek as to remain contented with such a frail specimen as he was! I wanted more now! Much, much more than the paltry lot in life he represented!
I left him that night, speaking hardly a word to him, and went home to my mirror, to adjudge the hopelessness of my situation. I stood naked before the glass, testing the firmness of my aging breasts, letting my hair hang in so many different ways to find the way that did the most justice to the woman I wanted now to be.
I found that I was no longer pretty, but that I did not deserve, either, to think myself repulsive. That night, his sperm still wet inside my cunt, I went out by myself to a bar.
I put on the few pieces of clothes that approached the daring and suggestive: all gifts from girl friends on birthdays or Christmas, nothing that I had ever had the nerve to purchase myself. I had never gone alone to a bar, I had never dreamed of going to one in quest of a man. That night, and for many nights thereafter, I went out prowling, bringing home a few victims to service me, to show me those parts of myself I had so long denied, to force them to take command of my life, to turn me at last into a woman!
I suppose you could say that one night changed my life. My janitor soon could hardly recognize me as I abandoned the repressive garb I had hidden myself in for so many years, as I began to pay attention to such previously ignored matters as the style of my hair, the frames of my glasses, the scent of perfume and luster of my lipstick. He knew what had happened, and could no longer bring himself to speak to me.
I owed him my awakening, though, and would have paid him for it with another night of love, but he would no longer take it from me, he was ashamed, and had old-fashioned visions of himself as the man who had destroyed me, brought me to sin. Or else, he may have wanted me for himself, and saw all too clearly that I would never let him have that! I was hungry for men for a while after that first, gruesome night. I felt sick about what it had been for him, and the humiliation I had felt it was going to turn into for me.
I determined I would no longer remember myself as I was then, as I had been for so many wasted years. The word "fuck" no longer was the vehicle of dread for me: I wanted to fuck, and fuck, and fuck! And I did. Oh! I did!
Ah! But soon I was at sea, I was run by my body only, I had not learned how to feel! One man, then another, never the same one twice! I was able to be free with my body now, but my heart was still a little lump of ice. Ah! But at least my body had found some peace!
CONCLUSION
I was pleased to see how well Olga was finally able to confront the tawdry memory of her first sexual awakening. The heavy sense of guilt and shame she had carried with her before was still with her, now in the form of her inability to form more than a one night involvement with any man. But she had become aware of the problem through her confronting the memory of its source in our interviews, and I was happy to refer her to help.
She has, since the time of our talks, entered into sexual therapy at Esalen, and soon began to involve herself on a less shallow basis with a number of men she met there.
The last I heard from her, she was living with three men and another woman in a loosely structured "group marriage" of sorts. I feel she has made considerable progress toward evolving her capacity for significant relationships, and look forward to her continuing growth.
CASE HISTORY EIGHT
Subject: Ruby D. Age: Thirteen
INTERVIEW ONE
Ruby was not yet into her teens when she lost her virginity. Ruby was also not sure which of a number of young boys she had, in fact, technically lost it to: all she knew for sure was that it was one of the six teens who took turns abusing her on the long night during which her hymen was busted forever.
One would expect that in a girl of such tender age, and under such frightful circumstances, the psychic damage would have been virtually irreparable. But such was not the case with Ruby.
If anything, she had quite the opposite problem to contend with than the one we should expect. Ruby, in fact, had quickly made herself the terror of her school.
The frankness of her unabashed lust was astonishing, and I at first thought there was no hope of bringing her back to her senses. Her lewd history is given in her own words below.
Well, Doctor, you could sort of say I did it on a dare. I mean, I didn't know for sure what was going to happen, but I got the general idea in time to back out, but shit! I wasn't gonna be a chicken! I knew I was the hottest little number in my class, and I'll be damned if I was gonna let some other girl have all the fun before I'd had any!
It started as a sort of contest between me and Merryl. She's the co-captain of the junior high cheer-leaders, me being the other co-captain, of course! And Greg was the captain of the football team, and Merryl and I were daring each other to get up the nerve to be the first one to go down with him.
Of course, we didn't really know what "going down" meant at first. But the older girls had given us an idea. And we figured Greg and the other studs on the team had more than an idea, and would help us do whatever was necessary!
As it turned out, naturally, they were more than just willing! Greg was the one who brought me to the post-game party at Ted's house. I figured Merryl and the rest of the girls would be there, too, but I'll admit I was a bit surprised to find the whole team there, and none of the girls' there except me and Merryl! I guess you can sort of figure what I meant about it all sort of happening as a dare, huh, Doctor?
Well, anyway, it was the last game of the season, and if we won it, we were gonna be in at least a tie for the state championship. Well, we were playing that last game at home, and the atmosphere was really tense, let me tell you, and what do you know but Greg and the boys beat the stuffing out of those other guys, getting five touchdowns to their none!
Well, we knew that Greg and the guys were all fooling around with the senior cheer-leaders, and us junior high girls wanted to show those older bitches that we weren't just a bunch of kids! I knew that Greg and Ted and the rest had all been eyeing me and Merryl, we already had tits as big as the older girls', and nobody else had had a throw with us yet, so we were something new and tasty for them to try!
Well, me and Merryl didn't dig the drippy kids in our own grade, we wanted to get it on with those bigger, tougher guys on the team! We figured that would be some coup all right, and me and Merryl had been playing up to those studs for a few weeks before the big game. We sure let 'em know we were game to try something, and we just hoped they wouldn't think we were a couple of dumb little brats who didn't know from nothing.
So anyway, after the game, Greg and Ted invited me and Merryl out to Ted's place tot a victory celebration, and the four of us drove out there in Greg's Chevy and drank a few beers on the way. We drank more than a few, in fact, 'cause Greg took a detour through the woods and parked by the lake for a while and then took out some Ripple. We got roaring drunk, and while Ted had Merryl in the back seat, Greg started feeling for my tits!
Well! I could see in the rear view mirror that Ted was doing the same with Merryl, and I wasn't gonna be the chicken, so I let Greg feel my boobs and then I saw that Ted was going for Merryl's pants. She got a little nervous about that, so I decided that was my cue, all right!
I lifted up my dress myself, and Greg got down there fast enough! I grabbed at his cock, it was rubbing fast and hard against my leg, so I unzipped his fly and stroked that thing of his until it shot off. It didn't take him long either, and I was really surprised to finally see one of those things, and especially to see what a scrumptious mess it could make all over the dashboard!
Well, Merryl could sure hear Greg getting off, he made a lot of noise, and I could sure see her getting uptight in the back seat with Ted, so I knew I had one up on her already, and was looking forward to really putting her in her place at the party!
Ted was getting really horny, and Merryl was afraid to grab for his dick, and that got him really grouchy! When she knew I'd already had a few good tugs at Greg's, she got livid, let me tell you! She tried to make up lost ground with Ted, but he was pissed off by that time and slapped her a couple times when she tried to grope him after she'd already said her no no no's once too often.
Well, Greg figured he's got his, and too bad for Ted, so he patched out down the road to the lake and headed for Ted's place for the party. He asked me did I know how to suck cock, and I lied and said yes, because I was sure I could figure it out, which I did in no time!
He unzipped his fly and yanked his dong out at the first red light, and I figured sucking meant putting it in my mouth, which is what I did, and then I felt the thing get real big and just did his lollipop till I got the sugar out, if you know what I mean, and that didn't take longer than the time to the green light!
I figured, what with Greg coming off so fast, he must be really horny, and I wondered what was next! I was already up on Merryl by a hand job and a blow, so I knew she'd really have to think of something fast if she was gonna make me look slow! So then I figured, hell, soon as we get in that door, I'll make Greg read loud and clear how I want to get down to the basics without wasting any time, and that'll stop Merryl's clock but good!
Well, on the way to the celebration, Merryl finally got up the courage to shove her hand in and get some glob all over it for her troubles, and then Ted wasn't so grouchy, and then she started toying with his doodad and got her mouth into the action just in time for Greg to pull up in front of Ted's with a screech of the breaks that forced Merryl's jaws to jar and nearly made her bite off Ted's swollen prick!
Boy, that really pissed him off! I laughed my tits off while I watched him jump up and down in the seat with his wounded cock in his left hand and Merryl's face getting slapped crimson with his right! That little scene, plus the way we were all so drunk, and especially me, I'd reckon, well, that set the stage for what happened inside.
Greg had his cock back in his pants by now, and got out of the car and opened my door and grabbed my hand and pulled me out after him while Ted did the same sort of number on Merryl, except he was pretty sore at Merryl what with her almost biting his cock off and all, so he didn't just pull her out, he sort of kicked her ass a few times and dragged her!
Well, I really felt high as a kite when I saw Merryl getting hers! I knew I was going to show her a thing or two inside, although I still wasn't all that sure just what it was gonna be, but I figured that was Greg's job to show me, so I wasn't gonna get uptight about it like that dumb bitch Merryl! No way!
Well, we get inside, and we hear a lot of noise and see a lot of smoke, and what do I catch is happening but that the whole football team is there, but there ain't no twats but me and Merryl, and Merryl was already just about out of it after the miserable showing she'd put on in the back seat with Ted!
This is it, I said to myself, I'm gonna do whatever it is right here in front of all the boys and Merryl, too! She'll never live it down, I laughed to myself, though I must admit she did give it the old high school try once she saw me going at it. But she just didn't have the staying power, poor tight little pussy that she is!
And of course, nothing happened at first. Greg and Ted, and especially Greg, gave these shit-eating grins to the other guys, Greg sucking his lips and wiggling his hollow fist up and down to let the guys know what the score was!
I felt really sort of privileged, like, when Greg had me sit down next to him and he put his hand over my twat for everybody to see. Ted only put his hand over Merryl's boobs, and I knew she felt like I'd shown her up, she was really blushing and babbling, let me tell you!
Greg's stroking my pussy for a while, while he's grunting with the boys, and all of a sudden Harry, who's one of the tackles, shoves a fat cigarette in my mouth and tells me how I should take a big puff on the thing and hold it in.
Well, I'd never smoked cigarettes before, being afraid of getting cancer and all, except for once in the girl's room 'cause Merryl and some of the other girls were doing it to show how cool they were, and I couldn't let them get away with that! But even without being a tobacco fiend, I knew that this stuff wasn't your everyday North Carolina leaf! This must be that "pot" stuff they always talk about in "Rolling Stone" and the Johnny Carson Show, I figured, and waited to see what sort of savage stuff it would do to me.
Didn't take long to find out. My head took off in orbit around Mars or some place, and I remember looking at my watch at eight o'clock, and then wanting to check the time about an hour later, except that it wasn't an hour later, it was only five past eight, which really blew me out when I realized what was happening to my poor scrambled little brain!
So anyway, I smoked a bunch of this pot, see, and all the while I was keeping my evil eye on Merryl, and I could see she wasn't taking it too good, and was really getting kind of silly, and Ted was sort of laughing at her and slapping her tits around and watching the startled, empty look that kept jumping out of her eyes every time her titties bounced. I guess it was sort of a silly thing for Ted to be doing, even if he was the leading ground gainer on the offensive line, but he was really stoned, too, so just chalk it up to being wasted, is how I look at it!
Well, this pot did a few other things to me, too, let me tell you! The first thing I notice after that five after eight business, I roll my eyes around the guys all gathered there, and notice they've all got stiff ones now, and the sight of so many cocks all hard and eager all at once really sent my head into a tail-spin I didn't think I'd be able to pull out of!
I really felt overpowered by the sense of all that raunchy maleness so ripe for the plucking and sucking, and I began to get itchy in the tubes, and especially what with Greg stroking my snatch still, and I started to think maybe his stroking and my itching were connected, and maybe his cock could do a job of dusting my rug, that that must be what fucking was all about, and I didn't know quite how you went about doing it, but I had a good imagination, and I figured better now than later, especially as I was so stoned and figured I'd really get my rocks off with my head so whacked and out of it!
I took a look over at Merryl, meanwhile, and she was beginning to sniffle and shake her blown out little head around and around while Ted shoved his paws all over her blushing little body and then shoved his fingers down for some jelly and made her whine and moan out a few no-no's!
That's it, honey, I said to myself, this show's all yours, don't let it be a bust! The guys could see I had the right attitude, they all started rubbing their hands on their crotches, but nobody slipped out his dong, 'cause they all knew I was Greg's bitch that night, and they didn't want to make ass holes of themselves jumping the gun on the team captain, right?
So that meant it was up to Greg, but Greg was too stoned to do shit, so that meant it was up to me! Wow! I was gonna be the one to do the number to him! Course, the problem with that line of thinking was that I didn't know really what J was supposed to do, that was Greg's job like I said, but then I figured if I just got out his whanger, no matter how stoned he was, he'd have to somehow get it together enough to do it to me, or all the guys would think the great big captain was just another turkey like the rest of them!
Well, you can see I really had this scene down, and don't you start thinking I didn't know what I was doing when I pulled my next swift move! I was really ready for finding out what it was all about now, and even if Greg was too wasted to even stroke my pussy, I figured I could grab his hand and force him to play with my twat, and as long as his hand was down there, why shouldn't mine be down you can damn well guess where!!
Ruby's language was unbelievable. For a girl so young, she talked like a brazen whore. I was quite shaken by the experience of watching this barely pubescent girl act out the most obscene situations and suggestions with a series of blatant gestures that had no place this side of the gutter!
I knew that lecturing her on saving it for marriage or any of those other tried and true methods of alienating a wild young girl wouldn't accomplish anything. I had to let her have her way for a session or two, let her taunt me with her foul, unseemly language and not let her get any reaction at all out of me, if I was to have any chance of gaining her respect.
I had had enough of her escapades for one afternoon, so I looked to my watch, and I found, with not a little relief, that the hour was just about up. I told her as much, and set a time for our next interview.
She blew a bubble at me and pulled her tight little mini-skirt down from her hips, where its hem had been riding the whole time of the interview, and strutted out of my office.
I was looking forward to our next confrontation with a great deal of anticipation, and not a little trepidation.
It took me about an hour to recover from the episode, but after a stiff shot or two of the scotch I always keep in my bottom drawer for just such occasions, I recouped my resolve and felt ready for the next onslaught.
INTERVIEW TWO
I could hear her pointy hard heels clicking in the corridor that approached my office about five minutes after our next meeting was scheduled to begin. She strode into my office, and threw herself down into the chair with a lascivious swivel of the hips that brought her skimpy dress riding high above the thighs of her crossed legs.
It was difficult holding my temper, but I forbore making any negative outbursts until I felt more sure of having gained her respect -something, I began to realize, that might take a long time to be won.
She launched into her lurid description of her sordid escapades immediately, and with more relish than I found it easy to stomach. However, I managed, not without some effort, to maintain my professional bearing, and let her proceed undisturbed.
Well, like I was saying yesterday, I reached into Greg's pants and pulled out a plum, let me tell you! The great stud grunted like a pig and was too stoned to get his act together, so I figured this was really my chance to show them all who really knew the score. And I sure showed them all, soon enough!
I pulled on his thing and laughed at him as it got all bloated and heavy in my hand, and dared him to do it. Come on, Captain, I said, let's do some team work! But he was so blasted, all he could do was grunt, so I took off his clothes and blew him right there, in front of them all!
While I was sucking on his thing, I kept one eye on my business, and another eye on Merryl. I was pleased as shit to see that she was still together enough to catch my act, and she really turned red when she saw me suck out Greg's come and let it hang out of my mouth like drool before I sucked it all in and gulped it down!
Well, the great stud wasn't going to do any more for me for a while, but I could see how some of the other guys were more than eager to do whatever it was to my pussy, and pretty soon belt buckles and zippers were popping and whizzing all over the smoke-filled room!
Merryl tried to make up for lost time, I got down on Ted's pecker, but while he let her suck him all right, he didn't pay her much attention, 'cause he had his eyes glued on the show I was putting on with Greg's dong!
Pretty soon, Harry and Joel and most of the other dudes were out of their drawers and stumbling over each other to get at me. So I thought I'd really show 'em something, and I slipped out of my stockings and my panties and my skirt and just sat there eyeing them while I spread my legs apart. Now, whatever it is that's supposed to happen is gonna happen sure enough, I thought, and sure enough, it did, fast as lightning it did, you better believe it!
I don't know which one of them porked me first, I was pretty stoned, and couldn't keep my eyes fixed on anything, what with all the excitement in the air, and all the whoozy whirling stuff that was going on in my twat! I couldn't wait to find out what that was going to lead to, not at all! Fortunately, I didn't have to wait very long!
Like I said, I don't know who was the first one to stick it up me, but he really jammed a big one up there, let me tell you, and I was so stoned that when I felt that little flap of stuff go rip inside, I just rolled my eyes and yelled out, "Pop!" which made whoever it was do a quick ugh-grunt number and swill his suds into my snatch in nothing flat!
Well, he rolled over and moaned, and then somebody else, I think it was Ted, put in his knife for a piece of hair pie, and he popped pretty quick, too, and that made Merryl scream and jump all over him trying to get it hard again so she could do it to him too, but he just belched from beer and shoved her away for a while, while Harry grabbed her and made her screech, what with the way he laughed at her and kept trying to jam her up, but kept missing her peep-hole because he was so wasted and strung out and all!
Let's see, I think Harry tossed her down because he got tired of missing her hole, and then he came over to me and rolled Ted out of the way and took his turn. Boy! He had a whopper, all right! I got over the mere novelty on his strokes, you better believe it, 'cause I got into the motions pretty quick, and let me tell you, there's nothing like getting laid by a bull's cock like Harry's when you're stoned out of your mind!
It was really some pin-ball game, I can tell you that much, all the lights blinking like bats under a sun lamp, and bells ringing and shit like that! Wow! And Harry, I'll say this for him, he was able to keep it up for a few minutes, and gave me quite a sloppy little ride before he blew his gasket and spilled his grease!
Either Joel or Edwin did me next, and by this time my snatch was collecting quite a puddle of scum! Whichever one it was, he really got me moaning and shaking like I didn't even know was supposed to happen, but like I said, I was pretty stoned, and so I figured, well wow! so this is what it's all about, a pity I waited so long to get my cherry plucked, but at least I was making up for all those years I'd wasted!
Meanwhile, Merryl was running around like a wet hen grabbing at all the deflated balloons of the studs whose jelly I'd spooned, and they were all pretty out of it by now, and just kept pushing her away, and that really made her feel embarrassed! Then Jimmy, the second-string center, wagged a pretty puny cock at my twat, and I pushed him at Merryl, and he was so worked up he just ripped off her clothes, and left her tattered rags all over the room and gouged her box till she screamed! And all that noise for such a small rod, and only a second string center! Boy, she's never lived that down, you can bet your jewels on that, Doctor! Well, so anyway, I remember there was six different guys that did it to me, and I know that old Ted got in there at least three times, and he even got around to stick it to that drip Merryl after Jimmy had bopped her box to his satisfaction, and-naturally, Ted thought she was pretty ridiculous, and really slapped her around while he worked off his juice!
But the funniest thing was when Ted finally popped off in her pussy! He had had enough, and maybe he'd had too much, because just when he barked out how he was coming inside the world's limpest piece of jail-bait, he heaved and growled and threw up all over her tits, and some of his barf dribbled down onto her twat and trickled onto his cock, and that really pissed his off, so he stood up and called her a buck-toothed cocksucker and took a whiz in her weepy little face!
I was really gonna show her now, I said to myself, and so I jumped up while he was still whizzing, and while I fell down a couple times, what with all those bodies being in the way and all, and me so stoned and so on, I finally got over tohim, and I don't know what made me think of it, but I just jammed my fingers up his ass, and just like that his rocks bounced as his bone stood up again, and then I wiped off the barf with Merryl's panties and shoved it into my hot little whang-grinder! I was still standing up, too, that was really something, and Ted just moaned and gave me this huge shit-eating grin and fell over on top of Merryl's hand I just squeezed my legs and fell over on top of him and sat on his dick till he squirted his sauce!
That really did it! Merryl was hysterical now, not surprisingly, and crawled out from under me and Ted and ran off to hide in a corner where she clutched her tattered clothes and whimpered for a while.
I decided I'd had enough of Ted for a while, I didn't feel like finding out if he had any more barf left, either, so I went over to Greg and rubbed his dong between my tits for a while till it got all swollen and gorged, and then I licked it and kept jeering at him, the big stud, to get off his ass and into my snatch, but he was feeling pretty sloppy and just made some silly noises and rolled over and snored. Boy, that made Ted and the other guys laugh! Greg's never gonna live that down, you better believe that!
Well, that's just about all the action I got that night, except for getting Joel's dong stuffed up my crack a few seconds before Ted's parents and the police came in and carried off dumb Merryl in a blanket and started beating on all those jocks lying around lifeless like on the floor when they weren't vomiting or something.
My parents came down to the station house later on in the night, and they were slobbering all over me about how their poor little girl had had her life ruined by all those animals who ought to be shot as a public example or some such shit like that. I don't remember if I said anything much, but I guess I didn't, 'cause instead of tanning my hide for being a bad ass, v they quick transferred me to a school in the next town, and all the guys on the football team got suspended except Greg, 'cause Merryl let out how he hadn't fucked her, he'd been passed out the whole time, so they just put him on probation.
Well, I didn't stay out of the school for all that long, 'cause I whined about how I missed all my friends, and my parents are such saps that they thought my life would be ruined forever twice over if I never got to see my friends again. But actually, I just wanted to be back in the action and see how the social shit had hit the fan for Merryl and Greg. Ted and the other guys came out of it looking pretty good, and I got voted "Most Popular" in the junior high yearbook when it was all over, so you could say the whole story had a happy ending.
Oh yeah, Merryl got voted "Most Witty", which really humiliated her, and I thought that was going a little too far, but that's life, I guess, and I can't say I really mind the ribbing she had to take for that, even though I didn't have anything to do with getting people to vote for her, although I knew all about it before she even had wind of it, of course!
Well, Doctor, I guess that's what there is of my story, that's how I got my cherry popped, all right, which is what you wanted me to tell you. about in graphic detail and all that shit, right?
So now that I've told you all this hot shit, Doctor, I mean, I've really done you a solid, right? Well, Doctor, now that I've told you all of this and confided all of my tale to you, I wonder if you'd tell me why you want to know all this garbage? I mean, do you go home and jerk off to your notes or something, or is this something scientific or whatnot that you're doing?
I mean, not to be insulting of anything, but if you get your rocks off doing this sort of thing, it's all right by me, don't get me wrong, but I kind of prefer the idea of being part of some heavy experiment, you know? I mean, I'd like to be a scientist or something when I grow up, you know, and if this is some sort of science, maybe I've got a real talent for it, don't you think?
Well, I can see you don't like the way I put my question, Doctor, I'm sorry if I've caused any offense or anything, but I'm really curious about this business, you know what I mean?
But anyway, getting back to my story, I tried to find out which guy it was who was the first to put it to me, but I can't say I had a whole lot of luck. I knew it wasn't Greg or Ted, of course, but it could have been any of the other guys, and that meant I had about four possibilities left to choose from.
When all the hot and bother of the so-called scandal had died down a bit, and when my parents let me return to the old school so I could mix around with the guys and ask a few questions, I kind of interrogated the guys I knew had been at me, but they didn't seem to know any more than I did about it, or so they said.
Harry offered to fuck me again so I'd have some grounds for comparison, and I figured, well, why not, you know?
Harry sure is a good lay! He took me out behind the bleachers after baseball practice -the football season was over by then, of course and he didn't waste any time fooling around. Now that he wasn't stoned or drunk or anything, he showed how attentive and careful he could be, and that's when I discovered what my clitoris was really all about!
He was the team's best pitcher, and he sure knew how to use his fingers! He got me all lathered up, even without his thing having to be inside me, and I was moaning and groaning and begging for more.
He gave me more right away, and unzipped his pants and pulled out his cock and wiggled it at me. It looked like it was about the right size, as far as I could remember, and when he put it in, I tried to concentrate on the way he stroked to solve the mystery. But I was already so wet and excited, that I just couldn't tell, I was pretty dry that first time, and there was a lot more friction, and I guess that made for too many variables for me to figure it out.
Harry really shot off hard, and my poor little cunt felt like it couldn't hold that much juice, and I told Harry so. So he bent down over me after he'd pulled out, and started working his lips around down there until he'd got all the juice out.
He was much too sensitive to be the one, I figured, but seeing as how everybody was so wasted that first night, that's not what you'd call a very convincing argument!
I saw Joel again, too, but his cock had a crook in it that was really noticeable when he stuffed it in my crack and wiggled it around, and I thought that was proof enough it wasn't him. But then again, I wasn't paying all that much attention to fine points like that at the time I first got it, so who knows, really?
I tried the other guys again, too, and had the same sort of outcome. That really disappointed me, I mean I would have felt a lot better if I knew which guy to thank for the initial favor! But you can't have everything, I guess, so I resigned myself to to an imperfect sort of knowledge about it all, and that's that, I suppose!
Oh well, I guess time's up again, isn't it? Okay, Doctor, good luck with your research, and I'll see you later! And please write me a letter or something. I'd like to know what kind of conclusions you come up with when it's all over.
Oh yeah, Doctor, one more thing. I ought to mention that Jimmy, the one with the puny cock, he kept chasing Merryl around after they let him back in school, and they say he knocked her up. She denied it, naturally, but anyway she had to get out of school for a few months to go to Puerto Rico or something, which sounds pretty fishy if you ask me!
As for Ted, he's my regular fella now, but he's graduating next month, and I guess I'll have to hunt up someone else, I don't know, I haven't thought about it yet, he's going to college pretty far away and all, but you ought to interview him, too, you know, to get both sides of the story, you know?
I mean, he wasn't the one who actually did it first, for sure, but he did it more than anybody else, and I think he was watching the whole time, and he probably knows. He tells . me he doesn't, naturally enough, 'cause he's my steady now, and it gets him all burned up when he thinks about all those other guys who were in there. But maybe, you being a Doctor and all, he'd tell you what he won't tell me.
If you do interview him and he lets you in on the secret, don't forget to tell me about it in that letter you're gonna write me. It's something I'd like to know, and I sure enough have a right to, don't you agree?
CONCLUSION
Ruby's frankness was very difficult to put up with, and I needed a lot of time to consider her case if I was to reach anything approaching an objective viewpoint.
Ruby seemed to me-to be a good-natured little girl underneath all the sass, and I did, at least, manage to persuade her parents to transfer her out of her school, it being agreed by all concerned excepting Ruby, of course -that she was in need of a change of atmosphere if there was to be any hope of her calming down and becoming a more civil young lady.
I've heard rather gratifying reports of her progress from the authorities at her new school. There seems to be more than a little hope that her obsession with social status attained a high enough degree of satiety in the wake of her experiences at her old school, to allow her to develop a more mature, well-rounded, and individuated mode of self-expression.
She seems to have taken her own advice about pursuing a scientific career with some seriousness. I'd like to think this means I made some sort of positive impression on her impressionable young mind, but that, of course, is not our central concern here. I must admit, however, that whatever my own effect on her may have been, I was very pleased, and not a little surprised, to hear of this welcome turn of events.
The furor her case aroused initially seems to have abated, and her reputation does not seem to have followed her to her new school. Given the ribald nature of her reaction to the episode, it would seem difficult to imagine its leaving any permanent scars on her psyche.
I most certainly do wish her all the luck in the world. Her parents tell me she has calmed down quite a bit, and while they thought it in her and their best interests to instruct her in the practices of birth control, they are of the opinion that she does not seem to be abusing the privileges that such practices allow her.
I don't know if she will ever, indeed, enter into scientific work, but I think it reasonable to expect that she will continue to direct her rabid curiosity into ever more constructive channels.
GENERAL CONCLUSION
The cases in this book all reveal the repressed violence that underlies so much sexual activity. Older men, frustrated because of their life experience, often turn to young girls because they are vulnerable. They brutalize these girls with violent attacks, most often, eager to be the first sexual experience, finding in this violence against the girl's virginity some illusion of power and manliness.
Some of the cases reveal an urge in the female to find a male who will exploit her, violate her virginity.
There are women who yearn to lose their virginity, but dare not enter the sex coupling by choice, and therefore goad or lure a man to perform a brutal rape. In that way, such women escape the responsibility for a deep yearning to be sexually violated.
It is a society like ours, where sex is either heavily repressed or stimulated by films and books, fashions, and photos, that seems to encourage aggressive sex. Especially, among men who have the least control of their sex drives.
The problem, therefore, is one of a frustrating society, and a stimulating sexual environment.
The combination can be explosive. It often results in defloration of the young virgin, and often in brutal sex exploitation.
It is curious to speculate what happens in the mind of the young girl who has been deflowered.
Obviously, there is serious trauma about sex. There is the feeling that sex is an aggressive, savage assault, one to be feared and avoided.
Often, a girl who has been raped, may even avoid the entire realm of male sexual contact. May even lose a lifelong trust in men, fearing that any trust will be betrayed with ultimate violence.
The quality of such lives is obviously badly spoiled. Such girls, when they mature, are often the prey of the Lesbian, who they think gentle and non-violent, more sensitive and less threatening.
Not all girls, obviously, come away from a violent loss of virginity feeling like this. Some find the experience a natural experience, as if they expect that the hymen cannot be pierced except by violence. And they are therefore unhurt emotionally or psychologically by the forcible loss of the hymen.
Perhaps Nature implants this expectation in young girls, so that the penetration is taken as part of the life experience, as childbirth is.
Most females, however, respond to violent penetration with some kind of shock and fear. One reason that honeymoon nights can be either a devastating experience or a thrilling one. The gentle male, who tries to discover the feelings of the female, is obviously more successful in his relationship. Whereas, the violent male, who cannot control his sex drive, and selfishly gratifies his lust at the expense of a frightened female, he is the one whose relationship suffers deterioration. A marriage, in short, could be ruined, by one brutal night of defloration.
To return to most of the cases discussed in this book, usually of a violent penetration of a younger female, it should be underlined that no two girls will respond alike. There are some who welcome the aggression, and some who loathe it.
There seems little doubt that males who perform a violent attack on the sexual virginity, are working out some form of sadistic hate. Often a vague hatred toward some indistinct human being outside of themselves. Sometimes, the hatred can be something in themselves that they project outward, making a helpless girl the target.
It has to be admitted that through the media of sex, all the most violent emotions of man can be played out. Forcible rape is in the center.
