Together they clung, tightly, moving in the ageless rhythms. Renee let the tears come freely, as the last remembrances of pain went away. Tighter, deeper, Robby came, faster now, and Rene dug into him. His hands grappled for her moving cheeks. Her hands, now, went to his curve, and beyond, and she felt the machine pounding away, over and over and over, faster, deeper, tighter, more. She began to rise, beyond heights she'd ever known. Robby began to force pound. Their thighs tightened, ripping into each other's. The race up the hill became maddening.
CHAPTER ONE
The great day had arrived, Rene was about to realize her dream of independence-she was beginning her first year as a student at Baines College. Stepping off the train, she was pleased by the sight of the rustic station that contained much of the traditional beauty she hoped would be a part of her college life.
Looking up, she felt a warm sense of belonging as she read the hand-carved letters of the weathered sign that welcomed her to "Baines, Home of Baines College." Here, she felt, there would be men, not boys; here life lay for the taking-the broadening of the mind, the soul, and, yes, the body too.
With this last thought, Rene remembered the "special things" she had brought with her. She and her mother had shopped for the basic things, her own: the bras with the nipple patches that she could snap on and off, depending on how she felt; the G-string panties; the open-end girdle with the snap-out crotch; the shirtwaist dress that hugged her every contour and unzipped from neck to hem in front; the nightie that only partially covered her massive breasts; and the terribly small bikini bathing suits.
"Where to, Miss?" asked a cabby, interrupting her thoughts.
"Oh," Rene said," Mrs. Bagley's. I'm afraid I don't have an address." The cabby laughed, "So who needs addresses in Baines?" Rene glanced at his rear-view mirror and saw that he was wide-eyed and leering at her. Trying to be casual, she looked down. Of course. Really relaxing back into the soft seat, Rene had allowed her short, tight skirt to ride up high on her luscious, milk-white thighs, to the ends of her nylons. Worse, she had had spread her legs slightly when she had kicked off the high heels. The cabby had to know where everything in Baines was; he was flying blind, Rene told herself, gently raising her body and slipping into her shoes. He noticed, and went back to his driving.
But he wasn't through yet. "Joining the student body, eh? Well, you got the body for it," he said. Rene smiled. "Just a little joke, kid, no offense, okay?"
"No," she replied. "And, yes, I am coming here to college."
"You'll like it," he said with emphasis, again staring at her, higher now, where her full, firm breasts stuck out. Well, she told herself there's nothing I can do about them!
"Will I? I hope so." The cabby looked a bit like her father, she thought. But I'll bet being a taxi driver in a college town makes you a life expert, she mentally asked. And that would be where the similarity between him and her father would end.
CHAPTER TWO
It seemed only minutes later that the cab followed an offramp and for the first time Rene saw the campus. She couldn't see the actual buildings of Baines yet, but the greens were visible from a long way off.
"Were you dozing, kid?" the cabby asked.
"No," Rene answered, but I was reliving a dream, she had wanted to say. "How far are we from Mrs. Bagley's now?"
"Oh, a mile and a quarter, I'd say," he answered. "It's on the circle, across from Baines itself." Rene remembered what Hal and Larry had told her. The Rec Hall on one side, the bridge on the other. The bridge, when Larry had said it, he had gotten a funny look in his eyes. Rene wondered whether the bridge was the Baines equivalent of Love Hill, or at least one of them.
"Yes, I know. Those two boys at the station told me. The Rec Hall is near it, too, isn't it?"
"Right," said the cabby, "and the bridge is on the other side. Rene watched, but the cabby didn't seem to find the same significance to the bridge that Larry did.
"I didn't hear about any lakes, or streams," Rene said. "What's the bridge over?"
"A skinny little old brook that ain't good for nothing," was the cabby's answer. "It's old, the bridge, I mean, so they leave it standing. Too wide, all cement, it's even got a railing." He laughed heartily. "If you fell," he said while laughing, "you couldn't get hurt!"
"Oh," Rene said. She'd have to look into the bridge. Any college boy who looked as Larry did when he talked about it knew something at least one hack driver didn't. And what, any college boy was interested in, Rene was also.
"Relax, kid, you'll be there in a few minutes."
Rene did. Thinking what she was about the bridge made her think about Love Hill. And thinking about Love Hill made her think about the vow she made the night she was her own lover. Yes, she recalled. I really did need a man, more than even I had thought.
Robby Ellman was tall, good-looking, and a really fine dancer. Just those attributes, at fifteen, were enough to insure Robby's popularity. But Rene had made it her business to find out about Robby, too. He was an athlete, and well--liked by both boys and girls. Being a nice guy, Rene said to herself, in this matter, was of great importance. And Robby had asked her out.
It was his sort of sweet firmness that cinched it for Robby. That was what Rene knew she needed: a boy who wouldn't change his mind no matter what, a boy who could smoothly overcome any last minute mind changes she might have!
"Sure, to a movie," he had answered when she asked where they would go, and if a picture was all right. "Fine with me," he said. "There's a Brando picture I was going to see, in town. I'll pick you up around eight, Okay?"
She had accepted, of course, thrilled at the prospect. But one thing troubled her: no drive-in? She'd heard that whenever a boy wanted to make out, he'd take the girl to a drive-in. They could have drinks if they wanted to, certainly have privacy, and nobody bothered whether they came to see the pictures anyway.
His call came on a Wednesday, the date set for Saturday. It took till Saturday for Rene to figure out why a movie downtown. Robby would have to pass U.S. 133 on the way back to Ebli, and the Love Hill cutoff was on U.S. 133! More than ever Rene knew that Robby Ellman was-it!
It was nearly midnight when Robby smoothly turned on to 133. He had his father's Buick, the four-door with the room in back. The movie had been good, Robby was fun, and now Rene let her head rest against the seat, looking forward to the beginning of the evening.
"On our right, coming up, is the world famous path up to Love Hill, Ebli County's oldest, most popular attraction," Robby announced. Rene liked that: she had time to object.
"I've never been up there, Robby," she said calmly. "Have you?"
"As a matter-of-fact, Miss District Attorney, I admit to having seen our year-round playground." Then he smiled at her. "I'm honestly surprised that you haven't, Rene. We can pass by if you like."
"There's no sense denying I'm curious, Robby."
"We'll leave whenever you want to, and that's a promise," he said casually.
Instinctively Rene sat up, feeling the car veering to the right. Were they there already? Yes. Robby deftly negotiated the wide turn off the highway, and gunned the car up the incline. She felt a trembling sensation, strictly non-sexual, pass through her. "I'll remember your promise," she said, a bit firmly.
"Deal," he said, concentrating on the driving.
The road wound round gentle curves and each time they came near the valley, Rene marveled at the lights and the full moon. She was getting excited, she knew. She looked over at Robby. He was smiling his forever smile, paying strict attention to the road.
Several cars were already parked when they arrived. Robby maneuvered the Buick past them, cutting off his lights. He let the car coast past some trees, deeper into the spare woods, till it stopped of its own volition. At the last moment, Robby gently gunned it left, between two trees, shading any view from anyone else, and near enough to the cliffs so that the moon could be seen, but where no glare could shine into the car. Rene admired everything Robby did; he was a planner, all right. Her confidence returned.
Hobby's approach wasn't an attack, and Rene liked that, and responded to it immediately. His strategy was not to be grabby or pouncy, allowing his girl to warm to his kisses and signal him for the next step. Rene wondered when and how they would get to the back seat.
"Hey, that was some kiss," he whispered in her ear.
"Umm," was all Rene answered. His tongue had entered her lips easily, and she had instantly met it with her own, taking part in a winless duel. He licked her ear lobe, sending chills where it was counted. He's probing, Rene knew, and something was radar for him: he couldn't do anything wrong. She felt her nipples harden, crush against her bra tips. Her loose suit jacket rode up as she put her arms around him. Finding her open mouth again, Robby dug a bit harder, and Rene couldn't surpress a low moan. His hands found her bare back and sent tingles down her legs. She crunched in closer.
Their pace accelerated without erratic stumbles. Rene felt Robby's crush close in after the third kiss. His breathing came rough in her tender ears, his tongue slightly rough inside her. "
"Round one!" he said hoarsely, pulling away. Rene felt disappointed. "A draw," he said in surprise. He opened his side door and lit a cigarette. Oh, that's his game, Rene shifted angrily. Make me want. Taking the lighted cigarette from him, she calmed. Well, she asked herself, whose idea was this anyway? Robby got out, shifted a leg and walked to the edge of the cliff. Rene got out too, and joined him.
"That was lovely, Robby," she said, joining the game. He looked at her.
"Round Two requires a bigger ring, Rene," he said straight out. Rene looked around. Did he mean out here, amid the bramble? "Back seat" he said as if reading her mind, "out here's no place for warm, gentle clutches or infighting." Rene gazed into his eyes dreamily. She wanted him. Now. And it was her move anyway. She flipped her cigarette over the cliff and took his from him and did the same thing again. Then she came very close and put her arms around his waist and tilted her face very close to his. Robby bent and kissed her, hard. He brought her in tight, and she felt his thighs meet hers. Flames shot through her legs. She hoped she wouldn't falter. She was wet. And, joining his thighs, moving in to him, suddenly all movement halted. It was hard, throbbing, probing. It pushed. Rene stood stark still, letting Robby maneuver in. It touched home, and she shivered, clutching him tight. She felt his hands come down her back, down to her buttocks, and grip their hardness. He was bringing her closer still. She began to cooperate, moving, but it didn't seem to matter her body was acting on its own.
Robby stopped the mad kiss and put his arm around Rene and led her into the rear seat of the Buick. He took off his jacket and shirt, surprising Rene with his naked chest and arms. Then he took her to him again, and kissed her, deeply, achingly sweet. His hands were on her bare back again, touching, running up and down, tickling sensuously.
"You don't want this on, do you?" he said, and she shook her head. His graceful fingers unsnapped the bra, and Rene felt a great surge of freedom come over her. Feeling his bare body made her want, badly, to also take off her clothes, to feel their naked bodies together, on fire. It didn't take long for Robby to read her mind. Expertly he undid the buttons of her suit jacket, and slipped it over her shoulders. He laid the bra and the jacket across the front seat with his shirt and jacket. They embraced, Rene clutched his back, felt the firm rippling muscles tense. He kissed her neck, pushed hard against her tight, hard breasts, felt the stinging nipples pierce into his chest. Rene moaned in sweet agony.
Then he touched her, setting her ablaze again. "God," she cried softly, and Robby answered with a low moan of appreciation as his hands found, encircled, checked out her magnificent, heaving bulbs. He bent, and kissed the sharp points, and Rene clasped his head to her. He took her enitre rosette into his mouth, and sucked, fully, in and out of his mouth, deeper each time.
"More" she said, "Oh, Robby, more, more!"
He buried his face between her stiff breasts, and tongued her. She leaned her head back. Oh, God, she said to herself, I can't wait! Her thighs, were tightly closed and grasped her throbbing center, and she moved in and out, up and down, round and round. Then, Robby's hands, both of them, reached under her skirt, and dug his nails into her thighs.
"Uhh!" The pain was a new sensation, an oddly wonderful one. His hands went onward, under the elastic binding of her panties, clasped her firm cheeks, made her stretch, reach. His fingers, closed in deeper, between her cheeks. Rene opened her mouth, no sound came. She stopped, her body almost in mid-air. Robby's fingers, all of them touched her everywhere at the identical instant. The world stopped cold.
"Robby," she said evenly, surprised at her calmness. "Take them off." It was a firm a commitment as either of them ever had. Rene caught the fantastic feelings and suspended them for the time. Robby bent down, took off her panties, allowing a whiff of fresh air to creep up her legs and inside her. He unzipped her skirt, took it off easily and put it with her other things. She helped, rolling off her nylons, taking off her shoes. She was naked, exposed, more so than at any other moment in her young life. She was ready.
Time stood still. Then Robby gathered her to him again. He was naked, too. Electricity shot through Rene as she felt his flat body caress her round, full, hardness. Between her thighs, a terrible fire raged, a thick, hot, marvelous excitement joined her. She moaned, moved almost uncontrollably. Robby's kisses now sent her into ecstasy, his body burning onto her own, his moving thighs forcing her open.
Something, she hoped, God, something soon, whatever it is!
Robby gently turned her on her back, the length of the car seat. He lay one leg down toward the floor, and her bare foot dangled on its own; the other, he pushed against the back of the seat. He hovered over her now. Over his shoulder, Rene saw the moon watching. Then she closed her eyes.
Then he came to her. His hips between her thighs made her live again, and she moved, fighting to find the way. His hands once again gripped her cheeks, his fingers, coming together at her home. "Ahhh," she sighed, "Oh, Robby, oh, be good to me, oh, be-"
Higher came her buttocks, till she felt a hot flash enter her most precious parts. She closed on him, and Robby groaned. "Take it," he demanded, and Rene's hands grabbed it. It throbbed in her hand, big, steaming, damp, pushing. She braced herself, hoping to help him. "Come up, Rene, as far as you can. Meet me," he said. She obeyed, and felt a little more of him penetrate. She moved, in and out.
"No, baby, no, don't do that!" he cautioned, stopping his own movement.
"I can't help it, Robby, I can't!" she whined, moving faster.
Robby slipped out. Rene grabbed his haunches. She had to get him back. Had to! Then he shoved into her, hard. Rene stopped cold. "That's it, Rene, just like that, hold still. It'll be over in a minute-"
She was almost there, standing almost perfectly still. She moaned, wriggled, and Robby understood. He pushed it in as far as it would go, and moved for her. She rolled, dug her nails into him, screamed in silence. "Oh, Robby, don't stop!"
Surprised, Robby stiffened. Great, he told himself, great! With a single movement, he stiffened, took a breath, and jammed home. To the hilt, their pelvic bones coming to a clashing stop. Rene did not stir. The shooting, awful pain tore at her, outside and in, but soon, she prayed, soon, and forever, it would be gone, never to plague her again. Oh, Robby, she mouthed, don't stop, it's the only way to stop the pain, to make me forget it forever.
Robby felt himself being gripped, like nothing he'd ever felt before. If I move, he knew, but I've got to! He brought it out, but he was locked in! In and out he began, his cheeks coming together, sweat rolling between them, down his thighs.
"Baby," he began, "Oh, baby!"
"Ah, Robby, that's better, oh, so much better now...."
Together they clung, tightly, moving in the ageless rhythms. Rene let the tears come freely, as the last remembrances of pain went away. Tighter, deeper Robby came, faster now, and Rene dug into him. His hands grappled for her moving cheeks. Her hands, now went to his curve, and beyond, and she felt the machine, pounding away, over and over and over, faster, deeper, tighter, more. She began to rise, beyond heights she'd ever known existed. Robby began to force pound. Their thighs tightened, ripping into each other's. The race up the hill became maddening.
Robby hit, and hard. "Aaagh-" He stopped a second, then dove, machine-gunning into her sweetness. Rene stopped, too, a second, then, moved faster than ever, with each white-hot surge. Oh, it was-was-was-she kept time, taking him, it, feeling it washing over every bit of her.
Her eyes rolled back. And again, Rene soaked, swimming, falling in space, clasping onto him from deep inside. And Robby moved for her, still hard, a long time, till again, he, too came home, together with Rene....
"I said, kid, here we are, Mother Bagley's," the cabby smiled.
Rene re-focused her eyes and saw the leering cabby; did he know what she was re-living? Could he tell by the raptured expression she saw in his mirror? "Oh," she said, softly. "I was dozing off, I think" she said lamely.
"Yeah," he said, leering, smiling. "You sure were. I think, too." Then he broke the spell. Pointing, he said, "Here's home, kid."
Rene looked. She'd have to pull herself together before getting out. If she was alone with the cabby, what a thrill he'd get! If she was alone-no, the vow. She'd either have to cut this sort of thing out, or latch onto a man right away. What was up? Had it been that long, that she was so needy again? Or, were her times between need growing shorter?
The cabby obligingly took her bags up on the porch. She followed once he finished. Paying him, she looked hard into his eyes. "And here's a little something extra," she said evenly.
"Yeah," he said, pocketing the money without looking, and trying to be lewd. "I figured it'd be-money." Then he gave Rene a last lookover, from face to legs. She blushed at this flagrancy, and when they heard footsteps, he quit, smiled his leering smile, tipped his cap and jauntily tripped down the stairs. Rene turned and smiled her fixed smile, all sensations slipping away.
CHAPTER THREE
Mrs. Bagley was tall and thin and wore glasses. She was a smiler, Rene saw, the perfect house mother. "Come in, child," she said, helping Rene with her luggage. "Would you like a cup of coffee, or tea? We can talk while you unwind from your trip, if you like."
"That would be a good idea," Rene answered, and followed Mrs. Bagley into the breakfast nook. It was an old house, Rene saw, but spotlessly immaculate. She liked that and knew that while at Baines she would always have a nice, warm, clean place to come back to.
When Mrs. Bagley brought in the tray, it had two slices of pound cake on it, and several assorted cookies along with a steaming pot and two cups on saucers. "Here we are, Rene," she said. "Help yourself, and please don't be bashful."
Rene settled back. She was a bit hungry at that. "Thanks, Mrs. Bagley, everything looks so good." Not like her own mother's, perhaps, but homey. Rene felt that Mrs. Bagley, certainly no newcomer to Baines, purposely kept her place homey and family-like. She was in such contrast to the helter-skelter that any girl, after a tough grind at the books or a rough game with a man no doubt welcomed the calm, peacheful atmosphere she provided.
After they both sipped, Mrs. Bagley leaned forward and looked at Rene. "Rene, I want to talk to you, now, if you don't mind. I do with all my girls, so please don't get the idea I'm singling you out. All right?"
"Of course, Mrs. Bagley," she answered.
"I suppose everyone who houses students believes he or she has the nicest place," she began, "and I'm no exception, Rene. I've never met a girl who wasn't pleased with our home. And I mean, when leaving here, as well as while staying here."
Rene believed her. She nodded and smiled.
"I believe," Mrs. Bagley went on, "that it's because I get only nice young ladies in the first place. And second, that when all my girls, know the rules, and cooperate together, sharing their responsibilities, we keep everything nice, just the way we all want our home to be."
Rene saw firm belief all over the woman's face. Nothing stern, old-maidish, just the maker of the rules. Rene felt that she wouldn't make any impossible rules. She did pay attention.
"I'm not old-fashioned, at least I hope so," she smiled. "Smoking, in my day, of course, wasn't even something anyone talked about. But if you smoke, well, that's fine so long as you're careful, and are considerate of the other girls."
"I'm afraid I do smoke, Mrs. Bagley," she said. "But I am careful." She had wanted to add, ask my mother, but thought better of it.
"Good, I'm sure you are Rene. Naturally no boys are allowed upstairs, but you may receive all the phone calls you like," she said, again looking Rene all over, smiling. "My guess is that you will be receiving plenty." Rene blushed and looked away. "And, any boy may come pick you up. He'll wait either in the foyer, or in the living room. All the boys know that, of course, but I want you to know it, too."
Rene smiled back; what else could she do, or say?
Later, in her room as she unpacked and placed everything where she wanted it, Rene thought over the rules. Easy enough, and certainly not laid on thickly. Yes, she was going to enjoy living at "Mother" Bagley's.
Lighting a cigarette she went to the window. Sure enough, across the big, broad green, stood the first of the Baines buildings. The circle around the green had many houses similar to this one, some with Greek letters on shields on the outside. Rene looked to her right. A low, flat building stood half a block off. The Rec Hall, she figured remembering Larry's description. Then she saw the thin stream of water bisection the green fairly near the street. The brook. And, off to the left, the bridge Larry had hesitated about. It was stone, oddly wide and stupidly heightened over so small a trickle. A short person or stooping tall one could easily walk under it. Staring at it, Rene smiled inside; of course, that's what Larry got so excited about. I'll bet plenty goes on underneath that arch, Rene sniggered, blowing smoke at the glass.
As yet she didn't have a room-mate since it was mid-year. But that was all right with Rene. Mrs. Bagley had said that there would be seven girls that she knew of, including Rene. With several upperclassmen among them, some of whom preferred doubling up, that left just a couple by themselves. Looking around, Rene saw that she really had nothing more to do. She wondered if she should go down the hall and pop in on the others. She'd heard voices coming up. It wouldn't very good to poke around for anything since her room had a private bathroom and all her linens and towels were ready. Dousing her cigarette, she went out.
In the hall, she nearly collided with a big blonde girl.
"Oops!" the girl cried. "Oh, hi, you must be Rene, right?"
"Yes, Rene Adams," she answered.
"I'm Ruthie McCluskey. Some of the others are in there," she pointed over her shoulder, starting off again, "I'm just going to get my frozen candy bar. Go on in, be up in a minute." And she dashed down the stairs.
Rene smiled. As chubby as Ruthie was, a candy bar. But she seemed very friendly, Mrs. Bagley undoubtedly having cued her. Rene walked to an open door and peeked inside.
"Hi," a friendly voice called, "Come on in."
She walked through the door. It wasn't anyone's room, she saw immediately, being unfinished, without beds and quite large. Four girls lounged on floor mats with chairs and footstools nearby, and one girl sat at one of the small writing desks. They were all looking at her now, and smiling brightly.
"You're in the lounge, Rene," a tiny girl said. "The best single attraction at Bagley's Home for Wayward Girls." They all laughed and shifted around, not getting up.
"I didn't know about a lounge," Rene said, looking around.
"Only house to have one," a dark, slinky girl said, lighting a smoke. "Make yourself comfy, relax." The others mumbled ready agreement. Rene nervously extracted a cigarette from her bag and walked to a chair on the fringes of the group. She didn't want her back to the pale-faced girl with the bun and rimless glasses at the desk.
"I'm Betsy Parish," the mite said, filing at her nails. "And that's Janey Lorgan stretched out over there, Rita Stuben on my left, Stef Claus doing the sit-ups and Maria Noor at the desk. Ruthie McCluskey'll be back in a minute."
"Oh, I met Ruthie in the hall," Rene answered brightly. All the girls smiled neatly. "She was going to get a candy bar."
"She needs it," Stef said sarcastically, shaking her head.
"Oh, poo!" snapped Betsy, "what's a candy bar?" Then she turned to Rene. "Ruthie was telling us about her date with her boy friend back home. She started talking too fast and all the girls except Marie burst into giggles.
"When she gets frustrated, she hits the calories!"
Rene tried to join in, but on looking at the somber Maria, she just smiled instead. Ruthie came back and the girls jumped into position, ready for more of the details of her hometown date. But Rene kept her eye on Maria at the desk. The girl seemed interested enough, but not in the gay abandon that characterized the others. There was a certain sadness in her eyes as she followed the speaker. Rene tried to understand Maria.
Rene knew she was a sucker for underdogs, stray cats and any sad-type individuals. But Maria Nbor interested her in another, far more important way. Mrs. Bagley had told her about the other girls, just as she had told them about her. She had made special mention of Maria. The brain, that's what she called her; and Rene believed it now. And that was what interested Rene.
She'd already noticed that the other girls were typical, with sexy bodies of every type, from Ruthie's hefty, full-blown bustiness to Janey's hard firmness, from Rita's round contours, to Stef's almost perfect figure, and from Betsy's pint-size compact body to her own delightful one. Maybe they, were also good students, possibly average was her guess. But Baines, whatever its social state still maintained itself as a going, accredited college. And without scholastic achievement, on whatever level, there'd be no social life. And that was not for Rene.
It had never been difficult for Rene to find and cultivate "the brain" at school, boy or girl. As she progressed in school, they were, more and more, boys, and that way Rene found it easy to keep up with the work and pass her exams. As for girls, Rene was shrewd enough to be friends with most of them as well, using the age-old barter system. She'd gotten many bright, but backward girls many a date; shopped with others; helped others know how to dress, act, put up their hair. It wasn't as easy or as enjoyable, frankly, as with boys, but it was equally effective, and that was all she had planned on anyway.
So, she would have to get to know Maria Noor better. Looking at her, she saw possibilities. Maria's hair, pulled back into the bun, really wasn't as mousy as she'd feared when she first saw her. Her face wasn't bad at all, and her complexion was probably the best in the room. Sitting, Rene couldn't tell whether the girl was built at all, but there didn't appear to be any excess poundage, and she did have fairly good legs. Yes, Rene pondered, Maria Noor, we can be of use to each other: you supply the brains, I'll supply the body and experience. A little kindness at first would be wise; Rene could see that the other girls, all nice enough, practically ignored Maria. But then, she thought, perhaps it was Maria who ignored them?
The afternoon wore away with nobody doing anything special. The girls came and went, disappeared for a time, bathed or watched TV. Rene found herself yawning several times, amidst hunger pangs. Her watch said five o'clock when she really became hungry, and began smelling the food cooking downstairs. She got up, and went to her room. Maybe a quick shower, she thought. I haven't been out of these clothes since six this morning!
In the shower, with the steady stream of tepid water caressing her neck and shoulders, Rene began to unwind completely. She turned and let the water ping at her nipples as she held them up to the mainstream. A tingle began, and grew as she watched them rise, stand at attention and flower. The water gathered at the tops of her hard fullness, and flooded down between them in a gush, sending eddys quickly past her waist and dribbling down her flat abdomen. Sucking in, Rene watched as the water came to a surprised halt as it reached the forest. Watering was good for plants, Rene said giddily. She parted her thighs and felt the water carom down the sides of her pelvis, and slink down her thighs. What a wonderful feeling, she felt, shivering a bit. If only ... it had been the remembering, in the cab, that had set her off. Damn. Why did she do it? Knowing that just forgetting about it or being interrupted was temporary, and that she shouldn't start what she wasn't going to finish made her angry with herself. And now the water, seeing it, feeling its caress, was also a reminder.
Rene turned quickly, as she began sensing the deep warmth grow inside her. Now the water slipped down her back, sliding down her curve, part of it splashing off her cheeks, some slipping naughtily between, hugging her till it dropped off forever, The feeling gnawed at her. Maybe the shower hadn't been too good an idea after all?
Towelling herself, she only patted the points that bothered her, knowing that stimulation wouldn't do her any good. She had to check herself in the full-length mirror on the closet door. Yes, the body was still gorgeous. Hugging her breasts, pushing them forward, tantalizing her reflection, she pouted: yes, admit it, girl, you could use a man right now. Any man. Rene ran her flat hands down her sides, clasped her cheeks and jammed forward, slightly opening herself to the mirror. Sure enough, she saw herself parting a bit. The damp warmth was parted, and a glisten appeared. In a momentary frenzy Rene clamped her thighs together, hard, squeezing her arms around her bosom. It hurt up top, but stabbed her powerfully down below.
The food smells intermingled with the musk of her ready body. It was becoming too much for her. With all the excitement of leaving home, the train arriving in Baines ... Rene began hearing her inner self cry out for release, to rationalize on her vow. Sometimes, it said, emergencies, it said. It was strong, leading her to the bed. A man Rene countered weakly. Where? When? She lay down on it, frowning. Her heart beat rapidly.
I don't need memories Rene snarled, putting Bobby, Jeff and the others from her mind. This is just ... therapeutic, that's all! She rubbed her stirring nipples, easily at first, then harder. Get it over with, don't imagine him touching you, kissing you, parting you, giving it to you, rushing to you. No, not like that, Rene whispered. Not impersonally. Think of someone, anyone. An old flame?
No. A new one? Not yet. Hal, Larry? Too new, but easy to imagine. Someone unattainable? A movie, TV star? Ridiculous, kid stuff. Someone ... Rene stopped her hand from reaching home. She opened her eyes wide. Yes, she said, calmer now. Someone ... impossible. Impossible under usual conditions, someone who'd never come near her, someone ... someone she couldn't let touch her under any other conditions. Yes, that was it. Perfect.
He became her hand. He slipped to inside her thighs and Rene groaned. Yes, she said, YES! He touched her femininity, ran down her, electrifying her. His hairy hands, good. He bent to her and she saw the thick, black hair in need of cutting, the old pimples with hairs growing from them. His thick lips kissed her, sending shocks all through her. Her knees came up, to encircle him. Then he clasped onto her breasts, hungrily, roughly, hurting her so good. And he was atop her, heavy, dirty, sweating, leering. Too much weight, she had to shift lower, wrapping her legs around his massive, hairy thighs, to take him. Crudely, madly, he was there, in, deeply, and without waiting, he pounded, cruelly, without rhythm, without caring.
She'd have to work, hard, to make it at all. Forgetting everything, mechanically she moved, higher, harder, joining him. He quickened; oh, God, don't let him forget me! He jammed, ah, she knew, he wouldn't get away. And he hit and stopped, but Rene didn't. He murmured some gruff word and flooded her. Rene felt her world come to meet her, repeatedly, oddly wonderful as he was still, doing it all herself, more and more, circling, grabbing, taking, so marvelously, so keenly, so....
Coming down was so easy, not like with a man at all. Rene lay there, allowing all feeling to slowly leave her. She was impatient. Hurry. I'm hungry. Everyone's waiting. Just before she sat up she turned to the empty pillow beside her. And you were afraid it was only money?
CHAPTER FOUR
On Saturday morning, the Bagley house was just like every other house on campus on the day of a dance. The order of the day was curlers in hair. Even before the girls sauntered down to a leisurely, brunch-type breakfast, they had them on. No make up, still wearing either PJ's, gowns or housecoats ... Mrs. Bagley didn't allow nakedness downstairs ... they came down, bright-eyed, looking forward to the night.
The day before, after soundly sleeping, Rene and the others had registered and taken care of all their paper detail. They were ready for Monday's introductory classes and announcements. It only remained, as each adviser said wryly, to get the first rush-dance out of the way.
And today was that day. Rene could see the plastic cylinders piled high, seeing the other girls and knowing she looked the same way. All their delicious curves were tucked away in subdued and flowing robes. Even Maria had her hair up; Rene hoped the girl would come to the dance, although she'd told one and all she wouldn't.
The dance. Stef and Ruthie had been to the last one. Betsy had been to two before, and Jenny was about to go to her fourth. Only Rita and Rene ... and Maria ... were maidens this time. Rene wanted to hear all about it; she hated surprises, about anything.
"Well," Stef began, daintily tasting bacon, "it's really where we make our impressions. The guys are looking, and so are we."
"And first impressions count for so much," Rita said, worriedly.
"Don't worry, Rita," Jenny said easily, "the guys don't know what to expect either.
"Does everybody dress up," Rene wanted to know.
"To the eyeballs," Stef answered. "Probably the only time too, outside of formal affairs. Most of the gatherings are informal, but the "rush" is when we all get to trot out the latest fashions."
Betsy smiled as she smeared jam on toast. "Tonight's the night to show "em what you've got, girls, whether you've got 'em or not!"
They all broke up at that, except for Maria who smiled with embarrassment. "Well, first impressions aren't everything," Rene said, in defense. Stef and Janey looked at her.
"It may not be intellingent or logical, but you'll have to admit it's realistic," Stef said easily. Janey nodded.
"The guys are looking us over for the future, Rene," Janey added seriously, "for the coming events, the football dance, the frat socials."
Stubbornly Rene shook her head. "And us? What will first impressions tell us new girls about the fellows we'll meet?" Maria smiled gratefully at Rene.
The others shrugged, uncomfortable, with Rene's suggestion. Betsy, however, remained her usual bouncy self. "We'll pick and choose, be a little disappointed, and they'll do the same. Relax, Rene, no matter how many times us elder statesmen attend, we know we're all on the same auction block."
"Nobody expects you to go steady after tonight." Ruthie added, really more interested in a second portion of eggs. "Just shake off the newness and get to meet people, that's what it's for."
The faculty. Rene found out during the rest of the conversation, heartily disapproved of the dance, on the grounds that it shouldn't come at the beginning of the school year. They were adults, what can you expect, was the student attitude. The first dance was a Baines tradition of long-standing, so it always came off, regardless of anyone's feelings about it.
But Rene had to admit, after hearing in detail what had happened at a few of the dances, that perhaps the faculty did have a point. A few things did get shaken up. More than one problem resulted from a ride in the country, a stroll across the bushed green, a walk under the wide bridge, or a crowd packed into a motel room.
Rene thought of Marge when she was told about the one or two pregnancies that came out of the dance. When she heard about the abortions she took it soberly. The one time a man was found to have narcotics on him she dismissed since nothing like that ever attractted her anyway. Why blame the entire student body for the acts of a few kooks? Besides, between first dances, all wounds apparently healed, because on schedule, the last Saturday before the new semester, the dance took place.
In the lounge when Rene came in, she saw they were all there except for Maria. And they were busy at beautifying themselves. Well, that was why she had come, too, she reminded herself. Besides she didn't want to be alone and she hoped the conversation would get around again to the dance, so she could clarify her feelings. Cigarettes were already smoking up the place. It was warm outside, and getting stuffy. The girls were in varying degrees of undress; it was Saturday, a party coming up, and it was warm. They were home, in the privacy of their lounge, and they could do as they wished. If any girl disapproved, she could object, but nobody ever did.
Rene crouched in her favorite boxy corner. Here she could do her isometrics without disturbing anyone, and in fact, without their even knowing she was exercising. And Rene wanted to keep her superb breasts firm, high, and beautiful, without being annoyed by a disapproving mother or being surreptitiously spied upon by a greedy father.
She sat cross-legged now, also firming up her abdomen and thighs, doing her nails. Looking across at the others, she saw they too were dolling up. Janey got up and slipped out of her PJ top.
"I hope you new girls don't mind, I'm a clothes hater from way back," she said sweetly. "It's getting hot in here anyway."
All of them shook their heads and went about their business. Well, thought Rene, I did want to size up the competition, but I didn't think I'd get get to do it from the skin out. With two girls for each man average at Baines, competition could be a serious thing. And checking it out was just playing it cool. Rene gazed over at Janey.
The long, dark girl wore only the tiniest hint of G-string, and P-J bottoms, showing that she sunbathed all over. Janey was very exotic looking, Rene decided, with long lashed and piquant face. Her neck was long, and she was bony, but only where it made sense. Her breasts weren't at all large, but tight, high and firm, with the biggest rosettes Rene had ever seen. Her skin was fine. Her hips were prominent, her buttocks round and tightly-packed. Janey's legs, long and extremely sexy, Rene imagined, were the girl's major features.
Her walk was provocative, but not put-on. Janey simply had the cat-grace of a model or an actress well-trained, only in her case it was perfectly natural. Rene knew she wore the sharpest clothes well. She was certain that Janey did well around boys or men. She was cool, self-assured, and quite intelligent.
The other girls also removed their robes and housecoats and Rene joined them. Rita had trouble with acne, but her sense of humor, once warmed up, provided her with a personality that made everyone liked her a lot. Her body was hopeless because Rita was as young as Rene, but still gangly and all-thumbs. Ruthie, of course, was top-heavy, the candy not helping a bit. But Rene saw, when the girl stood in a nightie, that her waist, hips and legs were good. With those massive breasts before their eyes, boys no doubt went big for Ruthie, Rene figured.
Tiny Betsy, stripped down now to bra and panties, was a pint-size version of the best body in miniature Rene had ever seen She wasn't a bit surprised to hear that Betsy only dated six-footers; opposites attract, she knew. But, she wondered in all seriousness, if Betsy made love with fellows, how? The girl seemed to be so tiny that practically any position would seem improbable. Well, nobody seemed as well-adjusted as Betsy Parish, so she must do all right.
It was Stephanie Claas ... Stef ... that most interested Rene now. The girl was sometimes sneered at as the campus snob. But she wore contact lenses, and cocked her head at an angle that suggested snobbery. Stef was a bit curt sometimes, quick with answers, but Rene couldn't think of any reason to dislike her. Staring at her superb body in practically sheer PJ's, she considered Stef as her real competition. About one size smaller than Rene all over, Stef had what boys and men called "class". Everything was just right, in proportion to everything else, and really solidly good. And Rene could see that Stef took excellent care of herself, too, knowing and caring about her future. Add to these facts, the night mysterious air about the cool girl with the cocked head, and Rene knew she'd have to work all the way to the wire if a single man came between them.
The rest of Saturday wore on. The girls cleaned their rooms, did a little shopping, ironed, read or wrote letters. A few napped. Rene saw that at five, activity began again in earnest. Showers began everywhere. Dresses, bras and panties, nylons hung everywhere. Shoes stood alongside ankle bracelets. Colognes, bath powders, and perfumes began misting up the air. And hair spray squished from every room as time moved ahead. Around six, evening came to Baines.
Mrs. Begley called supper three times, but only Maria and Ruthie obliged. Upstairs, half nude, their bodies shiny and glistening the others paraded around. Janey combed out Betsy's hair, but she left hers alone to hang sexily. Rita combed out her own, swearing with every stroke.
Rene munched a candy bar, disdaining dinner when she was so excited. She took the fire-engine red dress down and looked at it. Her mother had hated it, because of the short, flaring skirt, and mainly for the daring decolettege. Well, fashion arbiters said to show off your best features, mother! Yes, Rene nodded, the red is it.
Stripped nude, Rene began dressing. She had splashed cologne everywhere, and put perfume between the delicious globes, under her arms, and on her abdomen. Now she slipped on the low, half bra, that lovingly caressed and slightly puffed up her wonderful breasts, but only enough to accentuate the line of her natural cleavage. Since they were real, all her own, her movements undulated sexily with this semi-bra on.
She chose Bikini panties for freedom of movement, and a thin gartter belt, the red-tinted nylons and the shiny opera pumps. A beautiful picture, Rene thought, checking the mirror, all topped off by her perfectly natural blonde hair. She got up, ready to put on the dress. Stopping, she slipped into a robe and crossed the hall to Stef's and knocked.
"Come," Stef answered, and Rene went inside.
Stef stood at her mirror, clad only in bra and panties. "Hi," she said, "what's up?"
"I was just thinking about hose, Stef," Rene said, lighting a cigarette. "It's so warm, and the hall will probably be filled."
Stef finished at the mirror and went to the bed. "I'd feel naked without 'em," she said, "or this, too," she said while struggling into her girdle. Rene watched her wriggle sensually as she got it just right. Then she saw the tight black sheath hanging from the door. Noting Stef's cleavage, seeing that her bra had no padding, Rene admired the girl all the more.
"In that dress you'll need all the protection you can get, Stef. It's beautiful."
Running her hands down her lean hips, she looked over at Rene. "Thanks. But there's always always a clink in the armor," she said, showing Rene that the crotch of her girdle snapped in place. Rene laughed.
"I can't dance when I'm all strapped in," she said.
"Well, the guys'll have to endure it," then again referring to the crotch piece, "the winner, if he's persistent enough, will succeed in breaking down the defenses."
"Don't you mean, 'penetrate'?"
Stef laughed easily. "I wonder, is penetration its own reward?" Both girls laughed aloud. Rene stood up, ready to go.
"Stef, you've been to the dances before. What are the boys like?"
"First thing to remember is not to refer to them as boys. Once a "boy" comes to college, somehow he becomes a 'man'. It's an amazing change, but for him, it's very serious."
"I'll remember," Rene promised. She wouldn't need any prodding. She'd come to Baines for men and left Ebli to the boys.
Stef looked thoughtful. "I guess they're all right, Rene. Same as anywhere." Then she went for the dress. "Now that you've asked, I'm wondering myself, whether they're really so different from high school seniors. They're sharper, hipper here at Baines, than at State. I know, I used to date guys from there when I was in high school."
"Could be, it's much freer here," Stef said, dropping the dress over her head. "Maybe it's the atmosphere." Freer? There it was, Rene's favorite word for her position in life at this moment. Freedom from parents who didn't understand her, freedom from a sticky old town, from stuffy boys who would miss being young men, and become, quite suddenly old men. "Freer? How," she asked Stef.
Stef zipped her dress and checked the overall effect in her mirror while looking at Rene. "Baines always did have a reputation for fun along with its scholastic achievements. I had a cousin who came here eight years ago. And, in a year, frankly. I've found that it's true."
Stef padded to the bed and sat down, contemplating her shoes. "Nobody kids themselves, Rene. When you enroll here, it isn't because of your grades. Oh," she assured," there's always a Maria Noor, and a Lee Kruger-you'll probably meet Mm somewhere around-but mainly we come to Baines because it's cheaper and our grades were good enough to get us in here."
"Well, that's honest enough," Rene smiled. "I like that, no pretenses, nobody here you have to snow."
She wondered about this Lee Kruger, a male Maria? Maybe she could get them together. She'd been trying to think of something she could do for Maria, in advance of asking Maria to help her. Stef looked full length at her mirror.
"I'm not the advice-giving type, Rene," she said over her shoulder, "but then, looking at you, I don't think I'd have to anyway. I don't like to mix into anyone's personal life." Then she turned and looked squarely at Rene. "And, I don't want anybody prying into mine."
"Fair enough," Rene said, placing her hand on the knob of Stef's door. They would become friends, Rene believed. Perhaps Stef wasn't a subtle-Susie, but that was good, too.
"Iwasn't applying that to you," Stef said easily.
"Oh, I know," Rene smiled.
"A few of the kids do go steady, but most don't. Remember there's about two of us for every guy here."
"I'm not the going-steady type," Rene said.
"Going steady here means they're really in love, or too weak for the competition," Stef said casually. Rene again thought about Marge Wesley.
"I don't knock it, Stef," she began, "only I sure don't believe I have to-"
Stef shot her a sharp look. "I didn't think you would," she said, giving Rene's body the once-over. "I only meant that if a gal looked like you, she might convince herself that the competition wasn't so keen."
Rene inwardly winced at the warning. She'd needed this talk, because Stef had pierced her very thoughts. Weakly she said," I just want to have some fun."
"Aw come off it, Rene, you're no bashful, backwoods Daisy-Mae and you know damn well you'll hit paydirt when you want to!" Stef snapped.
She came over to Rene, reached around and grabbed the soft full robe and pulled it tight, revealing Rene's every exquisite line and curve. "If I'm any judge, everything you've got is for real. That's phase one, and I have no doubt you're a winner." She let the robe fall loose again and walked away. "It's keeping what you get, Rene, and it takes more than just that."
Rene was fascinated. Stef didn't seem bitter, but wiser beyond her years. Stef turned back now, her eyes blazing. "All of us want some EMOC to come swooping down, gather us up and nest us, Rene. Make no mistake about that. But it's a short four years, if we last that long. And there's the rest of our lives, out there, long after Baines is a memory."
Stef lit a cigarette and threw the pack at Rene. Rene lit one, took a long drag and waited. Stef was wound up all right.
"We want to be accepted, first and foremost, we want to belong." She narrowed her eyes. "And when the chips are down, we'll try every way we know how to accomplish that. Here, none of us, with those odds, should be fool enough to think we'll be popular based on ourselves alone."
Rene watched as Stef paced. "Maybe we so-called 'good' girls rationalize, Rene when we remember we weren't cut out to be Nuns. And maybe," she said slowly, "once the ice is broken we'll find out why we really came to Baines."
Rene nearly gasped; thankfully, Stef had turned away, and not seen her involuntary action. The girl was positively clairvoyant! I feel stripped bare, Rene thought, throught my skin. Stef came back again.
"If you are a frightened virgin, Rene," she said sweetly, "have a ball tonight, stay cool, and tomorrow, give this whole bit a long, hard think."
"I'm not a virgin, Stef, I think you knew that. And I'm not really frightened, either. I just don't feel that a girl has to buy her popularity, that's all."
"That's naive, but your own business," Stef said. "I guess people in love give it away, don't they?"
Rene took a deep drag, not wanting to think back.
"You're right, Rene, nobody has to sell it. Or, for that matter, give it away, either. But try not to be hard on anyone who does. The woods are full of seniors who held out and tell their parents how awful Baines is. And there are freshmen who learned the secret word who write home how wonderful Baines is."
Rene opened the door. "Thanks for the smoke, Stef."
"Learn anything you wanted to, Rene?" Rene nodded and smiled genuinely. Stef laughed.
"I'm willing to bet you only confirmed your own thinking."
Back in her own room, Rene took off her robe and brought out the red dress. She was filled with Stef's conversation, and how adroitly the girl stated what she herself had been thinking. She'd play it by ear, as always. Preparing to pull the dress over her head, Rene had a sudden thought.
Looking in the mirror, she snapped off both nipple patches to reveal her beautiful tips. They were blushing. Leaving these off, she knew, would make dancing something special. Without effort she could rationalize anything once the effects of stimulation overcame her. And any movement, however innocent, that touched her sensitive rosettes, would put her in the frame of mind to accomplish anything.
Rene laid the patches in her top drawer, and got into the dress. Checking the overall mirrored image, she smiled in satisfaction. Her mountains gently rippled as she moved, her cleavage a cleft of artwork. Her waist, cinched tightly, augmented the flare of the skirting. Her knees and legs were fine, down to the shiny shoes. And she could feel the familiar sensation as the crepe brushed against her suspectable nipples. She could feel her blood coarse through her entire body, through throbbing veins, down to the apex of her being. She was ready, for anything.
CHAPTER FIVE
The Rec Hall was ablaze with lights. A four-piece combo twanged and knocked out pounding, jungle rhythms to incessant beats of echoing drums. Rene could hardly make out melody in the music, but there was no mistaking the insistent beat.
Dancers were everywhere, it seemed. Hopping about the floor and around the perimeter of the wall. Everyone looked so sparkling that Rene was glad she chose to go all the way red. The girls she saw, were partially dressed for hunting, with low cut dresses or high busts, tight waists, short, easy skirts. In their dancing, they warmed to rituals as old as mankind.
As she started to walk around the floor, Rene felt herself grabbed and brought onto the floor. Wanting to dance anyway, she willingly joined in. Looking up, she saw the smiling face of Hal, one of the fellows from the station.
"Hi," she yelled.
"You look great, baby, really!" he yelled back. Rene fet an inner glow. The evening had now officially begun. Rene threw herself into the jump set with abandon.
When the band took a breath before starting a slow set, Rene looked at Hal. His eyes were warm already. Rene knew why, because he hadn't taken his eyes off her whirling, beating globes, that threatened to come flying out with every bounce. Apparently she hadn't let her self-assurance carry over to Hal, for he waited impatiently for the slow set to begin.
He was a practiced dance-floor seductionist Rene found as they moved. Carefully he laid his hand at the back of her waist, just above her curve. He pulled her in close, pressing her breasts into his chest and moving evenly to the music. He didn't know, of course, Rene told herself, but he was doing just fine. She waited to see how far Hal would go.
"You smell good, Rene," he whispered in her ear.
"You do, too, Hal." She felt his thigh brush against her on a slow turn. He was sure priming the pump, all right.
"Like this?"
"Um-hmmm," she answered as he drew her in tighter. His hand slipped lower, over toward her hip and now she felt his thighs in tight. Smoothly, Hal maneuvered her an inch or so more to one side. Then Rene understood why. She felt his thigh gently but firmly move between her legs. He was very warm. He moved expertly again, this time his hand clutched her side and roamed back to her curve. Rene felt his strong fingers descend, nearly to the base of her spine. She reacted, shoving herself forward. And then she understood the latest maneuver as he pressed in. Hard, pointed, probing, it sought a home, and Rene felt its search, knowing that without too much trouble, they'd meet.
Gently, sweetly, Rene moved back. Hal's upper lip was filled with perspiration. She smiled as though nothing had happened. After a moment, Hal smiled in return. His eyes lost their glaze and they calmly danced out the set. When it was over, Hall excused himself with a final desirous look, left. Rene went into the ladies room.
After three long drags she settled down. In the mirror she saw that she was slightly mussed, so she reached in and re-set her great breasts. Her nipples still were straight and itching. Standing again, Rene reached under her skirt and did a major overhaul on the skimpy panties, which had taken the worst of the attack. As she combed her hair, the door opened and a tall, pretty girl came in. Rene looked quickly. The girl was very pale. She turned.
"Are you okay?" Rene asked, concerned.
"Huh? Oh, sure, thanks," the girl said, fishing for a smoke through her bag. Her hands shook as she lit up.
"You're sure?"
The girl smiled after several deep pulls on the cigarette.
Rene prepared to leave. But the girl's head toppled to the counter. Rene went to her and bent over. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Not a thing, I told you"! she snapped. "I'm okay, honest. The hounds are baying pretty good tonight, aren't they?" she said trying for a joke. Rene smiled back, wondering whether she should leave.
"You're new at Baines, huh?" the girl asked. Rene nodded.
"I wasn't raped, honey," she said wryly. "We started eevn and finished even, okay?"
Rene looked puzzled. The girl stood up, jabbed out her smoke, and looked squarely at Rene. "Look, sister, I got laid! And it was great;. So this is my post-reaction, okay?"Then she turned and went inside a stall, slamming the door behind her.
Checking the mirror Rene saw herself, mouth wide open. And the dance wasn't even two hours old! Shrugging, Rene left the room and went back to the floor.
She danced often, and fought off several varieties of wrestlers. She was enjoying herself when not dancing, watching a few couples leave the hall, to return again an hour later, perhaps a bit mussed, but generally happier than when they left. It didn't take an Einstein, Rene wryly told herself.
As the night wore on, and midnight approached, Rene felt a sense of missing something. Though she certainly hadn't planned on anything in particular, the proximity of warm bodies did spell out several things. There was Hal, eager, over-anxious Hal. And Larry too had worked her over. But they hardly persisted. Was she to tumble right now? Or never?
She began to wonder whether she had gotten a quick reputation. A familiar gnawing feeling had long before settled deep deep within her. It needed stimulation, of course, but on a dance floor? In minutes? It simply wasn't her style. Would she have to change that?
Never before did she have to fix a smile on her face; she either had a good time wherever she went, or left. No need for phoniness. All the same, time, Baines time, seemed to be running out. It was if there was a hands-off policy for the last hour.
At twelve thirty, less than half the crowd remained in the hall. More than a few fellows were glassy-eyed from stashed bottles in plants. And Rene was giving great thought to going back to her room. She had seen Betsy go off with Larry; that figured, she being 4'l!" and he about 6'3". Stef was nowhere to be seen. Ruthie and a boy fatter than she had long gone. Janey and Rita had doubled and just left.
Suddenly, a warm hand touched her arm. Brought abruptly from her thoughts, she turned suddenly.
"Hi, there," he said. He was tall and well-built, with black, wavy hair. His smile was good. "Hi," Rene said, automatically tuned now. "Dance?"
"Yes, thank you," she replied. And they moved to the floor.
For a time he looked straight into her eyes. He had Mitchum-type good looks, craggy, rough. "I'm Doug Mait." he said, and she smelled auromatic tobacco on his breath.
"I'm Rene Adams." She was feeling better by the moment.
"You're new at Baines, right? I thought so. I should have known the others. She began sensing a return of her self-assurance. It felt good.
"You're quite a beauty, too, but I bet everybody has already told you that, haven't they, Rene?"
"I think the standard reply is a girl always likes to hear it said, though," she countered.
"Well, watching you, I wondered whether you still believed it yourself." Rene started. So he'd been watching her. Funny, she hadn't seen him. She knew he had perceived she'd started to worry.
"I must apologize, Rene," he said, "I asked the fellows to sort of leave you alone for a bit." Rene did stop now. She looked up at him, fire in her eyes.
"Who gave you-"
"I put in my claim hours ago," he said, smiling, easily, and here I am."
"What Doug Makin wants, Doug Makin gets?" she snapped off.
"Always," he answered, the smile remaining. "Look, this bash is about to break up. Let's get out of here, shall we?"
"You assume a great deal." Rene didn't stir.
Doug took her arm and guided her toward the door. "Do you want them to throw you out?" Come on, it doesn't look good for a gal to be the last one to leave the party."
Rene allowed herself to be taken out of the hall. Doug's demeanor was so even, so self-assured that she felt herself compelled to see his logic. The fresh night air felt heady.
"Come on, Rene, I'll show you around Baines," he said, taking out his pipe. "Over there, across the green, starts the school. We'll cut across, Rene relaxed watching Doug get the pipe going, okay?"
He wasn't in any rush, she saw. In fact, little by little, as he conversed, she could see his great appeal. He was witty and urbane, unruffled in any situation apparently. And his confidence, well, she saw it, it oozed. "So, you see, I have a family reputation to maintain. Pop gives Baines money, and I keep up the class aspects." Rene laughed and took his arm. She was impressed, remembering now in the brochure, Makin stamped in several places around the school and town.
"I gather that any friend of Doug's is a friend to all," she asked.
"You catch on quick, honey," he answered. "Once I myself understood the raw, naked power of money and influence, well, only a fool would let it go to waste, don't you agree?"
"I agree." she said. And she did. Stef was right about the honesty of the place. "But, do you need it?"
"What's that?"
"I mean, you. You're a good-looking man, Doug, you carry yourself well, you don't paw and you dance really well."
"Everybody needs assurances. Rene," he answered simnly. "Even the great Doug Makin." If she had ruffled anything he gave no sign of it. Then he stormed, turned to her. "How about you."
"Me?"
"Needing-assurances."
"Of course, I confess. First time away from home, first college dance...."
Doug nodded and they began strolling again. Rene looked at him more closely now. She thought about getting into bed with him. She'd done that with every boy or man she'd met since before Robby, and, she knew, all girls did the same thing. They all wondered: what would HE be like? Doug? She decided he'd be selfish, but probably good. A girl would have to keep up, or be only a vessel.
Doug didn't appear to be the type who gave love, who waited. Well. Rene reminded herself, that's not one of my problems, so let come what may.
"The best way on campus," he was saying, "is to join a club."
"You mean like a sorority?"
"No. nothing like that, although that's all right, too. No, I mean become a member of something so that you'll get a stamp of approval."
"Is there such a club here?" she wondered.
"Well, not formally. They don't have a meeting place or a club. There aren't any dues or even meetings in the strictest sense. The only badge is acceptance."
Rene laughed. "Let's see ... when is a club not a club?"
Doug became serious. "When it's a symbol of belonging."
Rene again thought of Stef. She surely spoke from experience, all rieht. "And you think I could make use of a symbol?"
Doug tamped out his pipe. "That's up to you, of course."
"So, Doug Makin's grot a club, right? A drinking club? No. that wouldn't really mean anything. A dancing club, no, there's nothing special about that. A sex club, now, that could still be considered something special, couldn't it?"
"Since you're so practical you're getting warm," he said. "Wanna join up?" He looked steadily into her eyes. Her gaze didn't vary.
"Maybe," she said, walking again. She wondered why this good looking; man, so rich and so cocksure, needed gimmicks. "It depends on two things, and if you're the president of the club, I will tell you those two things."
"Prospective member of the Baines-Makin "Doggy" club, rise and be heard!", he intoned, orating.
Rene broke up laughing, "Doggy club?"
"You'll find out later why it's called that," he said with promise.
"Okay," he said, still smiling, "what actually do I get out of being a member?"
"Prestige, being accepted, belonging. Oh, I'll admit none of those things are indispensable to life at dear old Baines," he said, "but neither are they small or insignificant things to newcomers of these hallowed halls, with its tight cliques and unvarying social strata."
Rene was suddenly grateful for the darkness. I'm being threatened, she screamed inside! But outwardly, her smile didn't change. She hadn't asked for Doug Makin's attention; she could have gotten along okay without it; she was sure of that. Now, of course, there was no way to avoid him. She was hooked. Now the thought of making love with him wasn't academic. Somewhere, deep inside her, an odd feeling gnawed away at her. Was it going to be as simple as that? Only maybe.
"My next question, Mr. President, is: what are are dues, or tuition?"
Doug seemed hurt. "I'm surprised at you, ma'am. In our club there aren't any exchanges of money or goods. Tsk-tsk."
Rene was stumped.
"Well, me proud beauty, will you join up?"
It was a fairly straight proposition, Rene saw. She wished the other shoe would fall. Something he'd said perhaps? She couldn't pick it out from anywhere just then. She looked up at him, trying to offer a smile of agreement, knowing she could not manufacture anything really sexy. Doug took her arm and began steering her back across the green.
"Where to, Mr. President?" she asked, trying levity.
"To the place of initiation, of course, where else?"
Initiation? They walked fairly quickly now, Rene noted. How could she be so dumb? No dues, no tuitions, no exchanges. Initiation though. Now comes the exchange, all right. But why the mystery? Is he some kind of kook? Would he hurt her? No, she reconsidered, he was too well-known around Baines for anything rough. She went along, the trapped feeling nearly overpowering her.
He wasn't really holding her, she saw. She could leave, really, anytime. And, she told herself wryly, he wouldn't even try getting her to come back. She'd be dead, that's all: persona no grata on campus for certain. Well, make the best of it, Rene, she mouthed. What could he do? She was positive it involved sex, and although she had never done several of the things she knew existed and were being done all the time, that hadn't been her fault. The boys in Ebli simply weren't that sophisticated, that was all.
Where were they going? To a car? A motel? His apartment? They seemed to be moving toward the bridge near Mrs. Bagley's? Maybe he dug it in the bushes somewhere? Feeling that they were getting close to the "initiation" spot. Rene concentrated on working up a sexual appetite. Her nipples were no help; she hoped he wouldn't rape her; although, God knew she was easily and quickly aroused. Nature, she was confident, would take its course. It was never remotely close to "bad," that was for sure. But she'd never been with oddballs before. Maybe he wanted to take pictures? Was he planning on "selling" her to someone else? My God, she shrieked inside, were there going to be others, too? No, she calmed; Doug Makin wasn't the type to share anything, of that she was sure, too. That left only ... another girl, or a woman. Rene was becoming genuinely scared.
"Doug...."
"Going too fast?"
"Yes."
"You look worried, Rene," he said. "I hate surprises, any kind."
"Are you frightened of me?" He was incredulous.
"I don't know."
"Honest, there's nothing to be scared about. Cross my heart."
Rene looked at him and believed him. She relaxed as he took her arm again, this time leading her slowly to the bridge. But he didn't board it. Taking her hand at arm's length, he led her down beneath it. Rene came along. So, that was it, under the bridge! Looking over before she went down, Rene saw her house, her window. It was suddenly very dark, very quiet. Doug had walked her across the green and kept her there because the Rec Hall was closing up and he wanted to come back after everyone had gone.
Now they were underneath the bridge itself. It was very dark, not even shadows. She saw the brook was really a minor trickle, and that shore was bone dry. The stanchions were solid and thick. And surprisingly high: a man could walk beneath the bridge without stooping much. Now Doug had let her pass, and she led. Whatever it was, she thought, it didn't seem like a place for love-making.
Ahead she saw a natural rock table, two thin stones for legs, a flat piece across them. It was deathly silent. And she could not advance any farther. Her heart was beating heavily. Then she smelled aromatic tobacco, as Doug leaned and kissed her throat, sending chills streaming through her. His hands came round and clasped her breasts, taking her now stiff nipples between his fingers. Rene began to glow, as his practiced hands roused her neatly.
Suddenly she felt the pressure of his body against her. He was hard, hot, probing between her cheeks, sending pangs of desire rushing all over her body. Rene moaned. Then it came to her, what she'd been trying to figure out. No place to lie down, or even sit, his marvelous hands, his demanding body pressing for home. That was it ... the name of the club! Rene felt herself being engulfed by the thought, and the sensations. Soon; oh, ever so soon ... she'd be a "Doggy"....
Doug scooped her delicious breasts from the halter and had them straining to their fullest in no time. Rene writhed as he kept probing, thrilling her, and her own wetness came, stronger now than ever. The fires were lit, glowing, as he gently bent her forward. Oh, when ... when!
Then Doug's one hand left her nipple, and reached for the hem of her dress. Smoothly, he brought the skirt up, higher now, over her hips. His hand was hot on her rear, and she moaned again as he brought the flimsy panties down her thigh, over her knee. Raising a leg, she let him take them off her altogether. He shoved her now, and instinctively she fell forward, clutching ... the stone table!
She was doubled in half, her legs parted, open. She felt a drip down one leg. A moment passed as Rene sizzled. Then Doug's hands touched her already gyrating buttocks. He felt her, parted her gently. "Oh, Doug...."
And he was there, between her legs, touching her pulsating body, and moving forward, onward, deeper, fuller, throbbing full-steam ahead. Rene's world lit up. She closed her eyes, saw multi-colored stars as Doug hit home. She dropped her head as he clasped her breasts and squeezed them hard. He was driving now, drilling rhythmically, pounding, thumping. She felt faint. My God ... not now, please God, don't let me faint ... please.
Hoarsely Doug grunted. More she tried to whisper. More and more she begged. His hands clung, grasped, squeezed; she ached, but so marvelously. His eagerness made him now pile-drive and Rene opened her mouth to scream. Yes, YES! Her nipples ached with such exquisite pain, something she'd never known before. NOW! NOW! NOW!
Miraculously, he heard. Again and again he pounded home, over and over again splattering her, fulfilling her, yet releasing her pressures. Harder, deeper, and she became dizzy. Her mouth was open, she was holding her breath. She was floating around in space, caroming off mountain tops, the sky itself. The throbbing eased, but the sensations didn't want to quit. Her nipples were in flames ... and suddenly Doug made his final, magnificent burst. Rene hastily jammed her fist in her mouth. She'd have awakened all of Baines.
A few minutes later Rene found it an effort to straighten up. It was worth it, she smiled. Turning, straightening her skirt, picking up her panties, and finally putting her pulsating globes away, she looked for Doug. She saw his trousered leg only, standing up on the green. He was waiting for her.
She would have to savor the moments later. Doug Makin was through, she thought sarcastically, so that meant so was she. For now.
They walked in silence to Mrs. Bagley's, but Doug's arm was around her waist and they fitted close. At the gate, he turned to her, took his pipe from his mouth.
"Should I say, welcome to the club?"
Rene smiled and nodded. No use pretending. On impulse, she reached up and barked in his ear. He burst out laughing.
"You're a real sport, Rene," he said in admiration.
"Aren't we all," she countered. "It was a lousy night, till you."
"That's sweet, Doug." He let her go, but she turned. "When's the next meeting, Mr. President?"
Doug smiled easily, and shrugged. "Good night, Rene."
"Good night, Doug," she said and went inside.
From her room, Rene saw darkness and nothing else. The bridge was still there, though, she smiled. She undressed in the dark. Tonight, thank goodness, I haven't got a roommate. She came out of the bathroom, skipped the PJ's, and slipped between the cool covers, happily naked. She calmed her nipples now. By morning, the aches would be gone. But not the memories. She fell asleep instantly.
CHAPTER SIX
After the rush weekend, classes came and everyone at Baines settled down into routine. Rene found that college wasn't simply an extension of high school at all. But, oddly, she found it much better, easier for her to learn. In fact, she wrote her folks, she was pleasantly surprised and no longer worried about her courses.
The other girls, too, buckled down. Now the Saturday "bul!" sessions in the lounge were for real, because all week, they worked.
"Hey, don't we look sexy," Ruthie said to Janey one Saturday morning. The others, including Rene were in their usual various stages of undress, but Janey was dressed to the teeth, including gloves.
"I have been invited to a luncheon, in town, ladies, "Janey mimicked snootily. "I can't be bothered sitting around exchanging local gossip with a bunch of school girls...." Rita threw a pillow and Janey stepped aside with grace, sticking her tongue out and closing the door behind her.
"I'm going to have a talk with that girl," Stef said seriously. "She's not getting the right things out of dear old Baines U."
"Don't we wish!" Rita laughed, and the others joined in.
Rene laughed with them, also secretly envying Janey, who had apparently latched on to something big. "Say, who's the guy, anyway?" she asked.
"Only Dave Brewster, that's all," Rita said. "You know, the Brewster Mills? Dave's crazy about Janey."
They all agreed and the gossip session started full blast. Rene listened only half-heartedly. Six weeks had gone by, and after the first fires with Doug-he didn't believe in embers-they and a few other couples hadn't done too much different. Not that Rene didn't like Doug, or everything he offered. But it was so patent, and the regular couples so jaded. They never talked and went to the same places all the time, not that she wasn't grateful, never having been to fine restaurants, the theater and the like.
But the whole thing had just begun to pall, that was all. The other girls seemed spirited, even though by midweek if they didn't have dates they were hardly fit to live with. Rene looked at Stef and then had to look away. She remembered their first conversation; how she was so sure, that she wouldn't fall into any of the traps. In fact, she forced herself to face the fact that she was going steady, whether there was the traditional understanding or not. And she had bought and paid for it, which to Rene seemed even more of an admission. Yes, she had attained popularity, all right, the most exclusive kind. Now Rene understood why the other girls didn't discuss her week-ends.
More and more Rene seemed to find herself drawing closer to Maria. Looking up, Rene suddenly missed Maria. She folded her blouses into a ball, and got up. "See you later," she said. The others waved.
"Come in," Maria said from behind her door after Rene tapped. Rene opened it and saw Maria sitting in her chair by the window, a book in her lap.
"Hi," Rene said dumbly, "mind if I join you? I won't make any noise while you're reading?"
Maria quickly closed the book and put it on the table next to her. She smiled."I wasn't really reading, Rene. I'm glad you came, honest."
Rene knew Maria meant it. She knew, too, that she was Maria's only friend. The other girls liked her, too, naturally, but they were usually too busy for Maria when Maria got up the courage to join them. Rene felt something for the girl, and even if it was pity, she told herself, Maria seemed to appreciate it. Now, Rene felt as though she needed Maria.
"If you're sure I'm not taking you from study."
"You know me, Rene, study, study, study. I'm set for next week. Just sitting around with nothing to do, I was thinking about starting on two weeks ahead."
"I sure admire you," Rene said meaningfully.
"Me?" Maria was incredulous. "Me? Oh, Rene, you're such a good friend." She got up and got an ashtray for Rene. She had gotten it that first week, for Rene, the only girl who came to her room.
"No, I mean it. Able to read, concentrate."
Maria huddled in her robe. "It's habit," she said wryly."Like I said, when you've nothing better to do...."
Rene cocked her head as Maria stooped to pick up her laundry bundle. No one had ever seen Maria's body, except for the robe, and the dull sweaters and skirts she wore to classes. All anyone saw were her good legs. She carried herself slightly stooped, so the fluffy sweaters didn't reveal what her bust was like. Rene did wonder.
"Maria, can we talk freely, personally?"
Maria smiled and sat again. "I'd like that. I never did with anyone before, and I'm kind of anxious to, Rene. Oh, you're so nice."
Rene almost felt a blush coming on, but she brushed it aside. "Maria, how about boys?"
Maria stiffened. "What about them?"
"You haven't had a date since I've been here. Have you?"
"I've been, uh, busy, Rene, you know...."
"We've all been busy, Maria, Ruthie, Stef, Rita ... me. Just because it looks like we're dating all the time doesn't mean we aren't working."
"I didn't mean-"
Rene came to the bed where Maria sat. "I know what you meant. But you're not leveling with me. And if I can help you, you'll have to, Maria."
Maria stared down at her hands, folded in her lap. After a long moment, she looked up. "What do you want me to do, Rene?"
Rene looked squarely at Maria, then sat down. "Maria, have you ever kissed a boy, or a man?"
Maria took a deep breath, then shook her head. Rene patted her folded hands. "Don't you want to kiss, I mean?"
Maria studied the pattern on her robe. Rene stood up, helped Maria up. They stood there a moment, then Rene untied Maria's robe. Maria suddenly didn't know what to do with her hands, but as she saw Rene determined, she finally let them hang there, at the ends of her arms. Rene meanwhile, helped Maria out of the robe, as Maria turned red. Rene stepped back, and gasped. Maria was naked under the robe.
Rene, after regaining her own composure, took Maria over to the full length mirror. "Look," she said to the girl, whose head was bowed. "Come on, Maria, you've sure got nothing to be ashamed of!"
And indeed she didn't as Rene admired. It had been Maria's carriage, mainly. She didn't have Rene's full, nubile, obvious sexiness, but there wasn't a thing wrong with her body. Rene gently poked Maria in the back, forcing her chest to suddenly jut out.
"See?" Rene made her hold the position. It flattened Maria's tummy, too. "You've got br-boobs, Maria." Maria looked and blushed severely, then turned apologetically to Rene.
"I'm ... I'm ... cold," she said lamely.
"You mean this?" Rene smiled, flicking Maria's nipples.
Maria shivered, although it was plainly quite warm in her room. Rene looked at the high, pointed breasts, as round as her own, but about half the size. But Maria's rosettes were huge, and sensuous. Her ribs showed, but exercise would repair that, Rene knew. And sit-ups would harden up the girl's lean, flat stomach. Rene looked at Maria's lean thighs, and wondered how hard and firm they'd become. Checking behind the still-embarrassed Maria, Rene saw her cheeks, round, hard and good, she thought. Why, this girl was actually sexy, Rene stated to herself. There must be something wrong somewhere.
She looked in the mirror, at the still throbbing, pointed nipples. Could Maria be-one of those?
Rene had never been with a lesbian before and staring at Maria's lean, sexually potential body, she asked herself whether she'd adamantly refuse to try it, as she always said she would. She'd always been glad she didn't have the tendencies herself, but then, she'd never been confronted with the situation. If she were, Rene asked herself, what would she do, especially if it were someone she knew, and liked. Like Maria?
Suddenly, Rene knew she had to know. She turned and took Maria's face in her hands. Maria looked at her, almost sorrowfully. Rene gently took out the barettes on either side of her head, letting her hair fall loosely to her shoulders. She held up Maria's chin, high.
"Maria," she said quietly, "I'll be your friend, regardless, but I've got to know something, something personal. I hope you'll still want to be my friend, too, after I ask, but it's got to be. All right?"
Maria's eyes were wide. "Anything, Rene. I'll tell you, you anything you want to know. And it won't make any difference between us, I promise."
There was no way other than to spit it out, Rene decided. "Maria, is it-girls-you prefer? I mean, sexually?"
Maria looked squarely into Rene's eyes, then wrinkled her brows. Rene let her go. Maria looked like she had never looked before, cool, easy, relaxed, while still being nakedly exposed. She sat on the bed and then looked up at Rene.
"You want the truth, Rene? I honestly don't know. I'm not keeping anything back, so help me. In fact," she said, taking a breath, "somehow, I'd never thought I'd be-nude-in front of anyone in my life, much less discussing-sex-with them."
"You feel comfortable with me, that's not so strange," Rene said, sitting down and lighting a smoke. "You're a virgin, I can tell that."
"Girls, too, Rene," Maria said simply. "I haven't been held or kissed or-anything. Look at me, it's easy to understand, isn't it?"
"Heck no, not now," Rene kidded, again flicking Maria's nipple, and again seeing its instant rise. Maria laughed easily.
"Well, maybe not-now, but you see how I look every day, my hair-my-slouch."
"They're all correctable, Maria. Being with boys, though, nobody can do much about that, for you."
"Boys scare me. Really. Oh, I don't especially mean the pawing I hear so much about, but-but-
Rene dragged fully on the cigarette. "Do girls scare you?"
Maria stared at her. "A little, now that you mention it. You did, when we first met. Not now."
"That's the idea, Maria, people get to know each other, and nature takes it's course."
"Rene, that's why I tried to be honest with you. I don't know whether I prefer boys, or girls or both or worse...."
"Worse?"
"Yes, worse. Neither!"
Rene frowned. That was a possibility, but surely, a rare and temporary condition. "I guess it's possible. Have you never felt sexual, I mean at all? About anyone, or even yourself?"
Maria shook her head. "Oh, Rene, I know what it's all about, of course, including-masturbation, but honest to God, other than reading about it, or hearing about it-I know this sounds ridiculous, but-I never even think of it!"
Rene was really puzzled now. How could she help her friend if there wasn't anything she wanted help on? Then Maria took Rene's hand in hers. "Rene, can I ask you something?"
"Of course, what?"
"Is it easy, I mean for you to feel-that way?"
"Very easy, sometimes, too easy. But then I've never met anyone who didn't feel that it was fairly easy, anyway." That's it, Rene snapped her fingers. She had felt sexy since she could remember. But most of her friends back in grammar and high school hadn't till they were stimulated into it, much like discovery. "Maria, I may have the answer, I don't know. But you've never been kissed, never felt sexy by yourself-could it be you'd wake up that way if you were stimulated to? I mean, if you worked at, couldn't you-feel?"
"You mean to awaken my sleeping sexual state?" Maria asked wryly. "There's scientific basis for such things, Rene. But, I don't know," she said unhappily. "To see if it's boys, should I entice a boy? I wouldn't even know how!"
"How about doing it yourself?"
"What?" Maria asked in horror.
"Why not? You said you never even think of it. Well, you're obviously thinking about it right now?"
"You mean-right now? Maria asked incredulously.
Rene stood up. "Look, Maria, my room's just across the hall, right?" She checked her watch. "It's time we got out of here for a while, to shake the stink off, as my mother used to say. I'll go get dressed, and pick you up in half an hour. You just lie back, think whatever you want to, but make it sexy, understand?"
"You want me to-masturbate, right now" she hissed. "Yes, Maria."
"I-I-don't-even-Rene, I can't!"
"You do know the mechanics, don't you?"
"Of course." Then she shot Rene a look. "I think so."
"Rene-"
"Maria, it's not perverted, or wrong in any way, you're enough of a student and a brain to know that. Lock your door, if you want to, pull down the shades. Anything, but now's your chance."
"I just can't-do that. I mean, where do I start?"
Rene thought a second. 'Trust me?"
Maria nodded. Rene did pull down the shades, made the room as dark as possible. Then she came to Maria's bed, and gently lay the girl's head back on her pillow. Then Rene wetted her lips, and leaned close. "Now, close your eyes Maria, yes like that."
Rene put her lips to Maria's then, feeling her shudder, she put her tongue to the lips, and forced them open, and met Maria's tongue. Then she tightened the kiss, moving her face sexually. Then she reached down and took Maria's throbbing breasts in her cupped hand and gave it a tender squeeze, finding the nipple stiffened. She massaged it till Maria squirmed, then she broke the embrace.
"There," Rene said huskily, stunned that her panties were damp, "that should start you off...."
Rene tiptoed out and went to her room. With shaking hands she lit a cigarette. Perhaps she too was getting jaded, jaded into seeking new thrills. But the kiss had been something surprisingly wondrous. She'd felt her own nipples tighten, her own thighs tense as she stroked Maria. Was she, maybe a wee bit-like that? Of just perhaps, desirous to try such a relationship? No, she frowned, she was simply trying to help Maria. Maria? Or herself, and maybe Maria too?
She lay back on her bed and slipped her panties off; yes, the moistness was unmistakable. Finishing the smoke, she checked her watch again. Just as she was about to get up, a knock came at the door.
"Who is it?"
"Maria, Rene, may I come in?"
Rene lay back again. "Sure, the door's open."
Maria entered, still in her robe. "It's not even half the alotted time, Maria," she smiled, "or didn't it take that long?"
"It wasn't any good, Rene," she answered, closing the door behind her. "After you left-I gave it up."
"Oh, Maria, you're not trying."
"What do you want me to do?" she wailed. Rene sat up and brought Maria to the bed and sat her down.
"Maria, one question. If you were stimulated, then would you try it?"
"Yes, oh, I guess so-I wish I could feel it to be as important as you, Rene."
Rene felt the tingle deep. She gently laid Maria's head on to her pillow and removed the robe. Then she turned off the light and pulled down her shade. It was quite dark now. Then she bent and kissed Maria as before, only deeper. Maria shuddered and moved on the bed.
"That's good," she said unevenly. Rene took off her robe and bra. Maria looked at her firm breasts and standing nipples. "They're good, Rene, no wonder the boy...."
Rene lay next to Maria, got up on her elbow and kissed her again, fully, passionately, caressing her hard breasts lovingly. Maria put her arms around Rene then, sending a surge of raw power down to where she lived. "Maria," she whispered, "I'm very passionate, always have been-I'll need you in a minute...."
"All right," Maria said. And they embraced hotly, rubbing their bodies frantically together. Rene was afire. My God, it's a man, I've got to think. Suddenly she felt herself rolling to her back, and Maria at her breast. "They look so-she said, and kissed it. Rene moaned.
Maria sucked it powerfully, needily, and Rene began to squirm. "Maria," she called, "Maria-do it...."
"Tell me-how-what...." Rene took her hand roughly, jammed it between her moving thighs, and began to hug it. "Move, Maria, ah, yes, there-harder...."
Maria began, and looked at the-writhing girl next to her. Her forearm was falling asleep in the iron grasp. Her fingers ached as they moved, holding and rubbing the long, hard ball. It was wet, too, and warm, becoming hotter as she moved. She stared at Rene's closed eyes, open mouth, in wonder. Then she saw Rene's flared nipples, rolling, and she bent and sucked on them again, bringing whispered screams from Rene. She could not understand it at all.
Suddenly Rene grabbed Maria's arm and crushed it to her, holding it in a grip of steel. Maria winced in pain, as Rene pumped against her hand and wrist, dug her nails deep, then, slowly ever so slowly, eased up, and finally, rested back.
Rene caught her breath soon, but her heart throbbed still. Opening her eyes, she saw Maria's smiling face. Then she remembered: she was going to help Maria! She got up on her elbows. "Thanks, Maria, I didn't know how needy I was-thanks."
"It's all right, Rene. I think I understand it, now."
"Now, you lie back...."
"No, really...."
"I mean it," Rene said, and placed Maria down on her back. She kissed her several times, and Maria responded quietly. Rene felt better, touching Maria, having felt so selfish a few minutes ago. She kissed her nipples, too, the way boys did her own, in hopes it would fire up her friend. And then, when she saw that Maria seemed in a semi-state of passion, she let her hand slip to her thigh. Rubbing inside, she went for Maria's center. She was tender, damp. She found her womanhood and began to touch it lovingly. Maria moaned, and Rene smiled. You'll join the sisterhood, soon, she thought. Maria moved fast, desperately fast now, and Rene felt the sweat drip from under her arm as she jiggled the hot, wetness. In seconds, surprising Rene, Maria stiffened and dug her teeth into her fist. Go, baby, Rene said impassively; you're getting the message, honey.
Maria seemed to doze so Rene lit a cigarette in the dark and settled back. Soon Maria sat up and looked around. Rene turned on the light. "Hi, stranger, where you been?"
Maria looked at Rene, then smiled. "Somewhere all right."
Rene put on her robe and so did Maria. "I'm going to shower," Rene said. "Do we still have a date? I mean to go downtown for a while?"
Maria smiled, "You bet. I know what you mean, to shake the stink off, I mean. Meet you in ten minutes." Maria went to the door and opened it.
"Maria? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but, was it good?"
Maria looked fondly at Rene. "It was-real good," she lied, mentally promising herself to never again experience such sensations. It's as I thought, she said to herself: hateful, dirty. But, for others? What she couldn't forget was the look on Rene's face-how her body took on another self, a mad, beautiful self, how she writhed and groaned. Powerless lying there, so unlike herself in public. And that, Maria told herself, I did to her. "See you later, Rene," she said, still smiling;.
Rene hugged herself. At last, I've finally done something for that girl, she thought. And, as she removed the robe, maybe for myself too. At least one thing was certain: it was boys, correction, men-all the way from now on. She'd tried it the other way. Not for me, she said, starting her shower water, ever again, no matter what.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Lee Kruger wasn't handsome at all, in fact, not even good looking. But he had a magnetism about him that drew people, and he seemed to know it, and relish doing it. He didn't dress like the other men on campus, preferring to wear a shirt and tie and a neat pair of slacks and plain loafers. He wore his sandy colored hair in an old-fashioned crew cut. And he was always neatly shaven.
Rene couldn't help noticing Lee, beyond the fact that all the other fellows at Baines affected longish hair, horn-rimmed glasses, pipes, mustaches or beards and the traditional jeans and sweaters. He was only her own height, while the other men were considerably taller.
"Miss Adams," he called one afternoon following their sociology class, the only one they shared.
Rene was in a blue mood, a million miles away, but she did hear the unfamiliar name. "What? Oh, hello." She wasn't very enthusiastic, which Lee noticed immediately.
"Forget it," he snapped, and turned to walk away. Rene raced after him, took his arm and stopped him. There was an angry look on his face. "Well?"
"I'm sorry, I was thinking about something-I don't mean to seem like I was ignoring you," she said.
"It wasn't important, anyway."
"Please, Mr. Kruger...."
Lee stared at her, right into her eyes, not at her accentuated breasts in the tight yellow sweater. Rene knew everyone thought of Lee Kruger as different, but he fascinated her, first because he was different. He had never approached her before.
"I was only going to ask you if you wanted to share a cup of coffee with me, that's all."
Rene perked up. "I would! Honest!"
They didn't go to the same places everyone frequented. Lee took her instead to the German Beer-stube in town. They had to walk down a half flight, and into a darkened room, but the people there seemed to know Lee right off. He steered her to a back booth.
"You like Viennese coffee?" he asked, settling back.
"I hate to admit it, but I don't even know what that is."
"OH? Well, you'll like it." When the waitress came, he ordered it for both of them. Then he stared at her again. By now, used to the darkness, Rene began to feel creepy.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You're a fairly attractive girl. I'm a somewhat normal guy. I like to look at fairly attractive girls. Simple as that."
Rene was intrigued. She'd been called beautiful, sexy, highly attractive, but never fairly so. "I guess that's a compliment," she said in a low voice.
"A big one coming from me. But you're with the "in" bunch, aren't you? So, that's not much of a compliment, right? Sorry."
"If it's a big one from you, Lee, then it is much," she said.
"That's part of your intrigue, Rene, why you're in with the swingers. None of my business, naturally, but-well, I sometimes think I see more to you than that."
Now Rene became slightly excited. Lee Kruger, it appeared, understood her. She had been in many, too many of these blue moods lately. The girls at the house noticed it and at first tried to cheer her up. Then they just left her alone. Maria noticed it, but couldn't get closer to her either. Even Doug, who never seemed to notice or care, tried, but even he couldn't stir her. This young man, for some reason, seemed able to.
"Do you really think so?" she asked, moving forward. "I ask you because I respect your opinion, Lee, and because lately I've been wondering about myself, too."
"Yes, I think so," he said, a trace of anger in his voice. "There aren't too many people on this campus who have anything to offer much beyond the dancing, partying, boozing and screwing," he said distastefully. "They're shallow, unimportant kids gearing themselves to be shallow, unimportant adults. That's not my idea of school."
Rene listened. Yes, she'd been trying to put her feelings into words, trying to lay it out so she could define her own thinking. And Lee, in a couple of short, apt sentences, had crystallized it.
"Maybe you've noticed, I'm not the gay party doll these last few weeks...."
"That's because you've had it, Rene. Like the rest. But in your case, maybe that isn't enough to sustain you for the whole year. Think about four years! Ha!"
"That must be it," she lowered her head, "I know what my reputation must be...."
"The hell with that! What are you learning? What are your grades like? That's important!"
"He's right. Mrs. Castle, her counsellor had gently tried to warn her, but things seemed to be going downhill. She just couldn't apply herself anymore. What was wrong? Tears came to her eyes.
"Don't take it so hard-some sweet guy will make you forget all about it in the hay tonight," he shot cruelly.
Rene began to cry. His words struck home. Yes, anything that bothered her, she could keep from the bed, a couch, the back seat of a car. There, she was power, her old self; or, had been. For some odd reason, even sex didn't interest her as it always did. She began to feel frightened inside.
"Truth bothers you, doesn't it! Well, better you get it from me, than from the dean's black-list!" He slammed home his truths, Rene thought. Well, maybe that's what it took. Then, in an easier humor, Lee leaned in. "You can always tell me to go to hell, you know?"
Rene looked up at him, through bitter tears. "Oh, no, no, I wouldn't do that, Lee," she sobbed uncontrollably now. "Oh, what can I do...."
Lee didn't move a muscle to soothe her and she half hated him for that, until she began to understand that he wanted her to help herself, not depend on the hands of a man. That has its place, he'd said. She couldn't finish the coffee, and after a long period of silence, Lee paid the check and took her out.
"We're going to my apartment, Rene, here in town. If that isn't all right, say so now."
"I want to go, really, Lee...."
"You can leave anytime you want."
Lee's apartment was on the top floor of an old apartment hotel. They walked up the four flights. Everyone greeted Lee warmly, all of them, Rene noticed, seeming to in some way be waiting for his blessing. She began to look differently at the small, intense young man now. His face was hard, lined for a twenty-three year old, but he'd been in the Merchant Marine and at sea. His nose wasn't straight, his lips thin and mean. And his wide forehead was pocked with freckles. In school few people spoke at any length to Lee, except for professors. Many people had told her they were a bit afraid of him.
"This is it," he said, letting her in. It was small and surprisingly neat. Posters hung on the walls, but fight ones, Paris street scenes, Bavarian castles. An open door revealed a Murphy bed. On the floor, at a wall, component parts and speakers stood. And on an easel was a canvas. A desk, a low table, a small sofa and an old Morris chair completed the room's contents. "Make yourself at home. Although it's no set up for company."
"I like it, Lee," Rene said, meaning it. "It looks so comfortable. It's sure "you" all right. Where do you keep your books?"
Lee opened the door where the bed stood up. Lining the walls were home-made shelves, from ceiling to floor. There wasn't an empty space available. Lee stepped back. "The library," he said.
"I've never seen so many books! Do you read them all."
"This wall I've read. These, in the center, I am reading. Those? I stock up when I can, for the future. But I will read all of them before I die."
They had straight coffee from Lee's hotplate and sat around listening to his classical records. Rene had never tried to understand opera or symphony, preferring, she thought, what everyone else did. But, as Lee put them on, he prefaced with cogent remarks about what the composer tried to accomplish. Listening hard then, Rene began to stnse first then feel the beauty of the music.
"But, that's so simple," she said as a record finished. "Why, a child could have-"
"Yes, you're right, Rene, but a child-or a careless adult have something in common: they don't listen." Then he took out another record. "I've been playing the old warhorses, the ones most everyone has heard if only in some aborted form. When you get to the deeper things, well, this beginning will make things easier. Now, listen to this one, Rene. And then, let's be frank and honest. I want your opinion as to what it seems to mean to you."
Rene settled back. It was a beautiful game, and she was relaxing for the first time in weeks. This one, he wasn't explaining to her, so she'd have to listen carefully. Lee sat cross-legged on the floor, watching the record turn.
The low, sonorous beginnings chilled her. And when, slowly, sensuously the other sections joined in, Rene felt her whole being sit up and notice. The feeling of things to come overwhelmed her. The music, dully beautiful, began to take hold. Almost imperceptibly the music grew, in intensity and in thought.
Minutes passed, with out a sound in the room except for the weaving, building, flowing music. My God, Rene suddenly thought, this is-sex! This is preliminary, these are touches, kisses, love. She moved in the chair, knowing her nipples were taut. In a moment, she knew, it would strike home, wash over her.
The music built, promisingly, languorously, and Rene felt in visible hands caressing her breasts, then her thighs, moving inexorably toward her core.
Faster now, fuller, growing stronger, the music lushly pulled Rene along, up, up, with no way to stop it now. She let herself lean back, utterly relaxed, her knees apart, her legs straight out. She loosened her grip on the arms of the chair, and let her hands lie limply in her lap.
It was close, reaching, then dropping, reaching higher again, it wouldn't give up. Almost-touching-almost-there.
I'm being loved, Rene dreamed, deeply, fully inside, I'm moving to meet it-it's got to be soon....
And then it approached the zenith, trying, squeezing fighting to touch....
Rene squeezed her cheeks together, moved her thighs apart, wet, wanting, needing....
It hit! Tremendously, sumptuously, filling her, washing her, bringing her lovingly over the top, lushly, again and again....
It was several seconds before Rene realized the room was deathly quiet, the music stopped. She looked around. Lee was still seated on the floor, a blank look on his face. Looking down, Rene saw her legs apart, her skirt raised almost to her thighs, her body slumped forward so that her cheeks rested on the chair's edge. Her nipples were eased, she knew. Had anything happened? Was she dreaming, seduced by music?
"Lee," she asked softly, "what was that music?"
"Wagner. The Leibestod, from Tristan and Isolde-Love-Death theme. Did you enjoy it?"
"Couldn't you tell?"
"I wasn't watching you," he snapped, bringing her back to reality. Then he stood and Rene looked at the short, compact, body. He was solid, she saw, and somehow she imagined he'd be a powerful, magnificent lover. Rene knew, too, that she wanted him, had to have him, in fact, a startling fact, because she had never needed someone in particular before. Ever!
"Well, what did you think of it, Rene?"
"You want the truth, I guess. I don't want to disappoint you, Lee, but to me, that was the sexiest, most moving music I'd ever heard. Experienced is probably a better word. I never knew anything like it existed. My honest opinion is that if a man wants to put a girl in the mood-I think that would break down any girl's resistance."
She'd been honest, but if Lee had wanted her to say anything; else he should have told her. Somehow she could not lie to him, even if it meant she was what she was and could never change.
Lee was silent for a long time. Rene lit a cigarette, but Lee came over and took it from her and crushed it out. "You don't need those. Rene."
Suddenly panic gripped her. "Do you want me to quit smoking?" she asked, her eyes bulging.
"Who owns you," he asked severely, leaning very close to her face. "Nobody. Rene. You're the master. You don't require artificial stimulations, aphrodisiacs or tranquilizers. Cigarettes?" He took the half a pack from her hand and crushed them in his hand. He threw her book of matches across the room. Rene stupidly watched it fly. She slowly turned her gaze into Lee's blazing eyes.
"Do you think I can be my own master, Lee? Oh, I want to...."
He smiled. "Of course. You can do, be what you want. I do, and I'm no smarter than you."
"Oh, Lee...."
"I mean it! We're all born with instincts. Rene. It's how we develop them that counts. Of course mine are more highly developed than yours. That's because I care. When you discover you can care, you'll be amazed at what you can do."
A thrill sent shivers throughout her body. Was it possible, what he was saving? She looked at him. He believed every word he was saying. Impulsively, she gripped his hand and squeezed it. "Oh. Lee-I want to-I do!"
He stood straight and patted her hand. "And now, about that record. Like all art, its meaning is in the eyes of the beholder, or listener. So, you are as right as Wagner, the composer, even though his story at that point doesn't have much to do with sex, only love, a love that is cut short by death." Rene listened, enthralled.
"But, it moved me-sexually, Lee," she said.
"That's partly you, too, Rene, remember that. We bring to art part of us. Combined, anything can mean something totally personal. We equate love and sex, remember, although neither is dependent exclusively upon the other. Wagner told about a love, between a goddess and a man; to you, its total represented the act of making love, am I right?"
"Practically to actually having an orgasm, if you want the ultimate truth!" Rene said matter-of-factly.
"Are you unsatisfied?" Lee asked in surprise.
Rene gave it some thought. No sense kidding; I could use a romp in the hay right now. But, from the music? Habit? Being with Lee alone and curious about him? "I'm not unsatisfied, I don't think, Lee," she said. "But, if we were...."
"If we'd been lovers, or if you were with Doug or a date, you'd have gotten laid, right?" he said archly.
"Yes, that's right." She felt defensive. "I'm not going to deny that or try to justify it, either."
"Who asked you to?" he snapped. "So, you got teased by invisible hands," he started again, easier," right up to bursting, and woke up and found it was a dream."
"More like a seance," she said.
"It's like cigarettes and booze and all the other phony gimmicks," Lee said, pouring two cups of coffee. "I don't want you to think I'm queer or even bi-sexual, Rene-I dig girls only. But I'm of the opinion that any great need per se is wrong, per se." He handed her a cup and walked to the desk. "What I mean is, if that record had affected me the way it did you, I'd have to make you."
Rene wanted a cigarette. He was making her think deeply, to solve problems. "You mean I should make you come now?"
"That's a question, so you don't understand yet. No, I don't especially need anything right now that way, but then I don't feel any special necessity for making you come, either. Not to just satisfy some superficial habit you've become used to."
"That leaves fighting it off or masturbating, doesn't it," Rene asked.
"I suppose, if some definite answers are needed. You can go in there" he indicated the bathroom," if you have to, I certainly won't mind, or even peek, and we can continue this discussion when your mind is reasonably free and clear."
"You're patronizing me, Lee," Rene said not without a trace of anger. "Suppose I were to take off my sweater and skirt, wouldn't that give you some ideas?"
"Of course it would. You are the possessor of a very nubile, and undoubtedly rip roaring and ready body. But it wouldn't change my mind."
"And if I took off my bra and panties-touched you, kissed you?"
"Rene," Lee said half in disgust, "I don't doubt for a moment you could make me. I'm human. My point is, so what? A quick animal act to satisfy an urge you manufactured, in both of us? Go on in the bathroom and whip it!"
"Now you're saying I can't make you."
"I'm saying you don't have to have it every-time you think of it. First it's guys, then yourself when no guys are available, then music maybe-then what? Soon, you won't even need an excuse at all!"
Rene considered it. She'd been talking, that was all. She did not feel like taking off her sweater or bra, she didn't feel like coming. Whatever feelings the record made were gone. Her nipples were soft. She smiled up at Lee.
"Either you're very, very right, or you're very, very convincing," she said, a tremendous sense of admiration and respect in her look. "I'm so awfully glad we're together, Lee."
CHAPTER EIGHT
For the next month, Rene came alive. She smiled a lot, re-joined the Bagley girls at meals and in the lounge on weekends. She studied more, and harder and began again writing letters home. She and Maria talked about many things, which surprised Maria, who readily understood the change. Doug had probably become bored, too, because he never called, and Rene hardly gave him a thought.
She and Lee went on picnics a lot, because they didn't cost him much, and because Rene loved the idea of putting together lunches and being with him. They hiked and rode bikes, went to foreign movies and even two symphonic concerts and an opera. Oddly Rene sometimes looked up to find herself sitting on Lee's floor, a thick book in her lap, and Lee at his desk writing his thesis. A domestic scene, with music from the stereo, yes; but, more important to Rene, no loud voices, no rock-and-roll, no crowds, no need for go-go anything.
Her whole life seemed to change. She wore sweaters, still, but soft, subdued colors, sloppy ones that only suggested the full breasts. And simpler skirts, softer shoes. She slept fully, rose early and even forgot about her exercises quite often. She and Lee ate simply, too, as much because he couldn't afford better, but Rene put in some of her money when Lee wasn't looking.
As for her sex life, Lee convinced her at first that slow withdrawal wasn't necessary; that when they both wanted each other, then would be the time. But the withdrawal was quick, and, most surprising to Rene, easy. She felt no pangs, no stimulation from practically anything. She shunned dances, provocative underclothing and pointed discussions on the subject. Just holding Lee's hand, and even kissing him, somehow, seemed sufficient.
The last two weeks of the semester were coming up. Rene had an appointment with Mrs. Castle. She was sent in immediately.
"Hello," the woman said, indicating a chair next to her desk. "How've you been, Rene?"
"Fine, just fine, Mrs. Castle. How am I doing these days?" she asked. She knew she had improved.
"A remarkable change appears to have come over you, my dear. You're so much calmer than before. Tell me about it."
Rene decided there wasn't anything not to tell, so she began at the beginning and went straight through to date. She did not leave anything out, except for sexual details, but she felt that her counsellor should know where she felt she had erred and how she had solved her problems. Mrs. Castle listened impassively, being used to confessions after twenty years at her profession. But some things this young and beautiful girl told her struck responsive chords to her.
"And you feel this abrupt change is beneficial, Rene?"
"Don't you? Don't I look better? I sure feel better!"
"You look-wonderful, really. What I meant was, too abrupt a change sometimes leaves one with-shall we say-longing's for the older order."
"Oh, that. I'm still a human being, Mrs. Castle, but I believe I've come to understand need, too," Rene said confidently.
Mrs. Castle stood up and walked to her window. This girl has possibilities beyond the average she thought. I certainly hope nothing changes her, too much.
"Am I wrong?" Rene asked a bit skeptically.
"I'm not a psychologist, Rene," she answered, "but a thing like sex isn't like smoking or drinking at all. They are artificial, but sex is not. It isn't my idea of a pure analogy."
Rene thought about that. She hadn't been altogether sure, ever, that sex ought to be linked-up with the other traits, but Lee seemed so certain. Still, she did feel better, slept better, and liked everyone a lot more.
"I don't have any longinp-s for the old order, Mrs. Castle." she said evenly.
"Well, that's good, Rene, then we won't fret about it. Now," she said seating herself atrain. 'Dr. Dumas is preparing-your finals. If you like, I can set up an appointment and he can set up your dates. First semester finals are vitally important, Rene. They can mean the tenor your college career takes, or." and Mrs. Castle lowered her eyes, "they can mean you'll have to leave Baines."
Rene became frightened. Had she come up far enough? She looked pleadingly at her adviser. "Am I going: to be all right. Mrs. Castle? Please tell me, it's so important to me."
Mrs. Castle smiled professionally. "I can't see any reason why not, Rene, if you keep up the good work." Then she leaned forward. "I see you've taken to biting your nails, Rene."
Rene looked down at her hands. Only once had she caught herself biting them, but pressures of school work and all, she decided were the causes. "I don't smoke anymore," she said weakly.
"That was what I meant when I suggested old longings. Not just exactly which, but sometimes we substitute one habit for another, unconsciously."
"You mean by not smoking, I bite my nails instead?"
"Something like that. Rene, I'm a woman, of course, and I was married for fifteen years till Mr. Castle passed away. I never had children, but I had a good life with my husband. I sometimes wonder what a child of mine would be like, here at college." She looked at Rene lovingly. "It might have been you, you know. But I bring these things up, Rene, because I believe I understand you."
"What are you trying to say?, Rene asked, feeling suddenly unsure of herself.
"You're somewhat easily influenced, Rene, like all impressionable youngsters. You just told me of a full, and satisfying sex life. I am not condemning you, believe me. But, Rene, did you exchange biting nails for cigarettes, or sex?"
Rene looked puzzled. She stared down at her raw fingers. To now she'd not missed cigarettes any longer. And she hadn't equated her sex life as being lost. Looking up to Mrs. Castle, she tried to form all her questions at once. Mrs. Castle patted her shoulder.
"Rene, I'm not asking you, really. I just want you to think about that. Sometimes taking-something away is more harmful than the original habit, did you know that?"
Rene shook her head. Mrs. Castle sat down and looked across at the girl. Full breasts, she saw, undoubtedly all her own and tremendously important to her. A tiny waist, a round, firm behind too, and really exceptional legs. With her quite lovely face, Mrs. Castle totalled, Rene was probably an extremely popular and desirable girl. And she thought about Lee Kruger, the acid radical who'd gotten his hands on this raw material. A thrust of anger streamed through her. Why, the Lee Krugers of college life could kill off the normal, day-to-day extra-curricular activities students enjoyed. Certainly he was stifling this young thing.
"Rene," she interrupted the girl's thoughts, "it's certainly not for me to advise you to smoke, or to-well, to be promiscuous, but it is for me to try helping you to be yourself and enjoy that. To show you that adjusting to existing conditions is as important as creating brand new conditions simply because someone else tries to make you over. "Then Mrs. Castle bowed her own head. "If I've spoken out of turn, Rene, feel free to tell me to mind my own business."
"Oh, no, Mrs. Castle, I appreciate this," she quickly assured the older woman. "It's just that I am mixed up, you were right." Down deep Rene had wondered about herself along the same lines. True, she was enjoying life with Lee, and the rewards of hard work. But way back, somewhere in her subconscious, she had a few moments when Doug Makin and Stef dated. And when on a Saturday morning, all the girls except she and Maria had lit smokes.
Maria, she thought. Am I on my way to becoming another Maria? This shocked her. Instinctively she touched her hair. It lay full length and straight. She no longer set it, allowing it to grow naturally, as Lee had told her to. She stared past her knees to the soft, Cuban heeled shoes, remembering that they disgusted her till she began wearing them. Lee again. She looked at Mrs. Castle, kindly Mrs. Castle, who was now smiling encouragingly at her. Tears came to her eyes.
"Oh, Mrs. Castle, I am so mixed up...."
The woman came to her, took her to her breast and patted her head. "There, there, Rene, I didn't mean to make you cry."
"I know," Rene sobbed, "It's just that I want everything to work out right."
A thought struck Mrs. Castle. "Rene, tell me the truth. When was the last time you went out on a date, a real date? When you set your hair, powdered that pretty little nose, and wore something that was cut low and very feminine?"
Rene stopped sniffling and smiled at the woman. "A long, long time, Mrs. Castle."
"I knew that. Thinking about it, is it really so awful?"
Rene hesitated, then shook her head. "I guess I was too wrapped up in-too busy to remember I'm a female."
"You enjoy being a girl, don't you, Rene?"
"I always did," she said quickly. That's what was wrong with hers and Lee's relationship. She felt like-him! Not like a full-bodied, gay, pretty and, yes, sexy girl. The sloppy sweaters, the old-woman's shoes-she felt exhilarated, wanting to strip the clothes off and burn them. Suddenly Lee popped into her mind, and with it, a chilling fear. She showed it to Mrs. Castle.
"Thinking about Lee Kruger?" If I know that boy, she said to herself, he'll rebel.
"Yes," Rene said surprised. "I love him, Mrs. Castle, I really do. I'd do anything for him."
"Well, maybe you can help him, too, while helping yourself. I wasn't suggesting you leave him, Rene. Why not go dancing with him? Dress like the lovely girl you are, for him? We women do that sort of thing all the time, you know."
"But, he's so-so, different. I am dressing for him, right now,'" she said, regretting the disloyal feeling of distaste she felt.
Mrs. Castle went back to her desk. "Maybe I was wrong about you, Rene. Forget I brought up the subject."
"Mrs. Castle, are you angry with me?"
"Of course not," she said kindly, "I just don't want to cause trouble. I've filled your head with ideas, I see, and perhaps those ideas were wrong. For you. I just did not want to see you hurt, that is all."'
"I don't want to be different!" Rene shouted. "I don't! I want to be like everyone else!"
"Then tell that to Lee. If he loves you as you love him, he'll understand, and want you to be happy."
Later, walking; to Lee's apartment, Rene thought about her visit with Mrs. Castle. Yes, if Lee loved her as she loved him. It was something she didn't know. She walked faster. It was some-thin cr she must know.
Lee wasn't in the apartment, so Rene put her books down and sat. But she could not be still. She looked out the window. Then she made coffee, but it tasted bitter. After fifteen minutes of waiting she made up her mind. Dashing to the small drug store on the corner, she bought a package of cigarettes. She took them back upstairs to the apartment.
It was dark, and Lee still hadn't returned. Rene opened the pack and lit the smoke. She imagined she would cough and choke, but she didn't. A slight dizziness did come over her, but in minutes, that, too left her. The cigarette tasted giddily good to her. Suddenly she kicked off the shoes and they went flying. That felt good too. Her toes free, the warmth of the shoes turning to the cool of the floor. She watched her naked toes moving everywhere. A glance in the mirror made her look down at her chest. She stood un and tore the sweater off and took a full, deep breath and again looked into the mirror.
She smiled: there was Rene at long last! Her bare shoulders reflected lip-lit from the window, and accented her magnificent cleavage as she took deep breaths. The mounds palpitated, bulged to the line of the bra. and filled it. She put her hands beneath them and pushed them up. Yes, she was still all there, firm, beautiful, even without weeks of exercise.
Impulsively she stepped free from her skirt. Her waist was still slim and tight. Feeling her jutting cheeks for firmness, she was satisfied. Apparently a month hadn't changed her physical attractions. Her legs were still superbly shapely, down to her thin ankles. Yes, she thought, watching the apparition in the mirror, any man or boy would profoundly desire her. Everyone, that is, except Lee, the man she loved.
Thinking about Lee made her think about getting dressed again. No lighting another cigarette; she wanted him to appreciate what she had just as she appreciated what he had. Perhaps because of his mind, she was more appreciative of his assets than he was of her attributes. But then, she was what she was, a pretty, sexy girl just as Mrs. Castle had explained; and there was nothing wrong with that.
She looked for some records to play and stumbled across the Leibestod. For a long time she stared at it. She remembered when she'd heard it first, what reaction she'd gotten. She looked at it harder; that had been the last time she'd felt - sexy - like the woman, the female she was. That had also been the only time she had heard it, she reminded herself. She put it on the turntable and flicked on the machine.
Walking back to her going cigarette at the chair, she heard the low, murmuring beginnings again, and immediately felt the stirrings deep inside her. Yes. it was working. She sat tentatively. The music began to move. Rene began to relax.
There were familiar sounds coming now, building suggestions, warming motives and Rene began sensing her nipples moving. Yes, they were budding, blooming, blossoming. It felt good, exceptionally good. But they were trapped. Slowly Rene got out of her bra and experienced a grinding sensation all over as the music flowered.
It affected her, deep in her groin, the tentacles of her hairs tingling as the mounting chords pressed on and on. A subtle and sensuous strain touched her, and she felt the old, familiar dampness engulf her. Oh, Lee, she moaned, come to me be with me, don't hold me off anymore....
Beating, growing outside her and inside her, the music played, its intensity more and more meaningful to Rene's smoldering senses. Her hands were steel as they foraged, her thighs in flames as they parted. Oh, Lee-don't make me be alone....
Over and over the music swelled as Rene could not keep her body still-she ripped off the panties and sighed. She moved her knees apart, ready....
She could hear and sense both climaxes coming. It had been over a month. It had to be, stimulated like this, needy like this....
And suddenly the door was flung open and Lee entered. He looked in the darkness at the phonograph revolving, then over at Rene. He stood as if in shock, then slowly put down his packages, Rene, too, was stunned, suddenly not knowing what to say, or do. Lee went over to the machine and turned it off, then faced her.
"What the hell is the matter with you?"
His tone made her angry in return. "What does it look like?"
"Is this what goes on everyday I'm not here?"
"No! This is the first time, Lee-but not the last!" she said hardly comprehending her bravery, She came to him and put her arms around him; but he refused to react. "You once said I could make you. Well, I'm going to...."
"For whose benefit, yours or mine," he asked sarcastically.
Rene didn't care what he said. She was still in flames, music or no music. And it was Lee she needed, wanted. "I'm human, darling, I want you, I need you."
"You haven't changed a bit, have you?"
"Lee," she pleaded, "what's wrong; with wanting the man I love? Please-make love to me!"
"You don't want me-you need it!"
"Words, words, words," she murmured in his ear, "darling;, Oh, take me...."
Lee took her arms from around his neck and grinned her hard. His eyes glared angrily "All right, Rene. You say you love me, is that it' Fine Your memory is so good, tell me, do you else recall I said when you felt sexy, yon should do it for your partner, and not yourself?"
Rene looked puzzled. What was he sayin?
" I do love you. Lee."
Lee was hastily removing his clothes. Naked, he put the record back on and walked to her. Rene was consumed with desire and she saw that Lee was starting to feel the same way. The music filtered into her subconscious. Lee gruffly took her arm and steered her-to the chair. Rene looked at the standing bed, longingly-The chair?
Lee took her in his arms and kissed her, fully, sexily. Rene responded to the kiss, to his body at hers and to the demanding-music. Her breasts were pushed back by his hard chest. His hips met hers. He probed into her jungle deliberately hard, making her wince in delight. She needed it roughly now. They kissed repeatedly till Rene felt as though she would rape Lee.
"Oh, Lee," she whispered urgently, "I love you-I need you...."
His voice was fantastically calm. "Do you? Okay, then love me. Prove it...."
"How," she murmured. "tell me, darling " Lee slumped to the chair's edge, and roughly pulled Rene down hard. Only partially did Rene realize she was being pulled. She didn't care how
-the music taunted her. But, she was passing Lee. Then she felt her knees fold. She was down on the floor. That was fine, too, she told herself, getting set to lie back. But Lee's strong hands held her upper body up. Rene was puzzled frantic now.
"Lee?" she asked, "What ...?"
"You love me?" he asked again, harshly.
Rene nodded. It was so dark. The music pealed into her. Lee's hands held her face. "Then, love me!" he snapped. Rene felt her head being pushed down and suddenly she was wide awake, seeing before her, Lee's throbbing, maleness. His hands were insistent.
"Lee...."
"Well, do you love me-or not?" His power was enormous over her. Tears came to her eyes, as for a moment everything but tha music ceased.
"Well," he taunted, "Well, Rene? Do you love me?"
Resigned, Rene knelt to him and kissed him, grateful at least for the sounds of his sighing. She had never done it before only because no one had ever asked her to or made her. She would instinctively know, she imagined. The music was cut off as Lee clasped his thighs together. Rene leaned in, then out, beginning a rhythm.
He was powerful, Rene felt, touching him everywhere, and he was gathering strength as she worked. Over and down she went, deeper as Lee's body tensed. His hands grew softer, less strained, as Rene's power grew. He breathed easier as her breath came in starts. His body relaxed as hers became taut.
Yes, Lee, she wanted to say, I love you. See, I'm proving it. So this is your love, the worship you so often spoke about. So this is the crux, the source of your power. Yes, it's good, good to see that you're real, that you're human, too, and needy sometimes. But the needs you told me about, Lee-they weren't love at all, were they? They were your needs, all right, but only yours. The need to be worshipped, to be knelt to-this is your love, your sex.
Rene felt strong now as she dug fuller, deeper into Lee. Yes, I am the one, Lee, the one that makes your power, isn't that right? You've been seen with Rene Adams. Everyone believes I'm your own tool, yours, not anyone else's. What you say goes, right? Rene is in your power, right?
And, Lee, you are right! I am worshipping you right this minute! I became what you wanted and needed, Lee, and you used me up. You made me something else than what I was, to your own purposes. But now, my darling, I understand-I'm going to take your power away, Lee-I am taking your power away-right now....
Harder and harder Rene worked until she knew he was right there. With one tremendous downward pull, Rene dug her nailless fingers into Lee's thighs and heard, grateful, his gasp of pain. He jerked forward, tore at her head and stifled yells. More, is that what you want Lee-all right-more!
"No, No," Lee screamed as Rene continued. "Stop, Oh, please Rene, you've got to stop-no more, no more!"
After a long time, Rene unwound herself and stood. Lee lay limply in a ball in the chair. The phonograph clicked as the tone arm had not returned to its right place. Rene smiled at it as she dressed. She wouldn't touch it, let it go. She had to go home.
CHAPTER NINE
Rene felt great walking back to the house. It would be a long trek, but she needed it. She was barefoot and the ground was cold, but it all the more impressed upon Rene of her increasing power. I'll be back, folks, she said to no one in particular. She saw the outline of Baines come into view. Soon she'd be crossing the green, and in no time, she'd be in her room.
I need a shower, she told herself-maybe a hundred showers, who knows? No, it wouldn't take much, she knew. Just the old hair and exercise, those two things for sure. And throw away these stupid Clothes. She touched her breasts. Yes, her nipples were slightly rigid, still as unsated as the rest of her. Looking both ways and seeing not a soul, Rene felt between her legs. Yes, there too she was still needy, ready.
Well, she vowed, the old Rene is back and ready, willing and oh, how able! She laughed, but not enjoying it. She was human, a needy young and vibrant girl. She'd gotten it before and she would again. Wryly touching the inside of her lips and mouth, she said to herself she'd given it before, and well, maybe she would again. That, too. But, in an even exchange!
Rene decided to circle the campus from the building side. It was darker, for one thing, and she wanted to walk across the grass and let the night dampness get between her toes. She turned a corner and headed for the grass.
"Who's there?" a voice called. Rene stopped cold. It was a man, not a young man. She froze, feeling her heart beating through her sweater. Out of the shadows, slowly, he approached. "Answer me, who is it?"
Rene thought perhaps she recognized the voice, calmer now. "I'm a student," she said, trying to keep the hysterics from her voice. He was a thick man, with bushy hair. He smoked a pipe. He was advancing on Rene more rapidly now. In the soft light of the moon, she caught the reflection of his glasses. "It's me, Dr. Dumas, Rene Adams."
He stopped then, and lit a kitchen-style match. It made a wide, orange and yellow glow. Dumas came closer, holding the fire closer to her face. Then he waved the match, killing the flame.
"It is you, Rene Adams, isn't it?" he said, sounding better. "Tell me, do pretty young students take evening constitutionals as ancient professors do?"
Both of them were getting used to the darkness again, and Rene felt glad that he couldn't see how she felt. "I was just coming back from town," she said, "and the air felt so good I decided to circle around the campus."
"You live at Mrs. Begley's, don't you?"
"Yes, I do."
"Do you mind my walking beside you, Rene?" he asked her after a bit.
"No sir," she said. So they strolled quietly for awhile. Rene looked sideways at Dr. Dumas. Till now she had never thought much about him, other than as another member of the Baines faculty. She didn't have any of his classes, but he was her proctor, and, as Mrs. Castle had said, he would be setting up her finals. She began to think about him now; perhaps he could be of some use. Thinking-now that more than ever she wanted to stay on aL Baines, and enjoy life as she had till getting sidetracked by Lee, knowing Dumas could make the difference.
He was fairly tall, but you couldn't tell for certain because of the slouch. His hair was thinning, and slightly greying at the temples. He had a ruggedly handsome face, weathered and lined, and wore his glasses all the time. Rene could not ever recall not seeing him with a pipe in his mouth. His clothes were tweedy, but not Ivy League. What most distinguished Dr. Dumas was his full and deep voice. Rene knew of several girls who were captivated by it.
"I was supposed to be contacting you this week, Dr. Dumas, about the dates for my finals."
"Oh, yes, Mrs. Castle mentioned that. Well, check with me tomorrow, say three o'clock?" He didn't seem to want to talk shop.
"I wonder, sir," Rene tried, "could you tell me me how I'm doing these days ... what I should be boning up on and all?"
Dumas remained quiet, peacefully puffing on the pipe for a long time. Then he stopped. "Rene, do you have a minute? Let's sit and chat."
Rene followed Dumas to one of the benches that faced the green and sat down. It seemed that he sought out that special bench, one that faced the moon, and the last glow of the street lights. He turned then to Rene and stared at her.
"Rene, ordinarily I refuse to discuss all this," he said wagging his head around, alluding to Baines, "after hours. Oh, sure, I meet students wherever I walk, but the old hands know my rule. I feel you don't, so I'll take some time with you, if you like."
"I would appreciate it," Rene said. Dumas was a strange animal all right, but apparently a good guy.
"Perhaps you know that I write books," he said evenly. "Books on scientific research, about human problems. Students this year as a matter-of-fact. Students like you, Rene."
Rene turned to face Dumas. She'd felt naked once before and she didn't care for the feeling. A lecture she could take at this point, but not about herself. It'd been too tough a day, the changes she contemplated, too drastic to hear anybody philosophize for or against.
"Dr. Dumas, have you talked with Mrs. Castle about me?"
"Of course, I do about-"
"No, I mean today some time. After I had my conference with her?"
Dumas tamped the pipe and put it into his pocket. He turned to Rene and faced her squarely. "You're a very perceptive girl. Yes, I did talk to Mrs. Castle. And she told me, probably, everything you told her. Let me say now, that she and I talked about you in the strictest of academic confidences."
"I believe you." Rene said, more than a little disappointed. Well, she sighed, might as well get some mileage from it all. "Am I a statistic, Dr. Dumas?"
"Everybody is. Yes, Rene, if not one already in the complex of college kids and the so-called vices, then a future one. I hope straight-out truth doesn't bother you."
"If you know about me, then you know I hate surprises. And phoneys," she said quickly. She felt a curious heaviness in her chest. It wasn't purely physical, like a congestion, but more like a weight along purely psychological lines. "Are we speaking as teacher and student, Doctor, or as man and ... woman?"
Dumas took some time to answer, a habit that irritated Rene. "Anyway you like it, Rene."
"All right," she said, the welling edging forward. "I want freedom, something I never had. my shoulder or down my dress. I was stifled at home in every way. Nobody would tell me anything I wanted to know, just what they wanted me to know. What was good for me. they said." She bit her lower lip. She had to go on, to tell this stone-face something.
"Well, I say, crap!" she virtually spat out. Oh, God, don't let me cry. "I don't feel as though I'm some dumb teen-ager, Dr. More, I feel, act, and think much more like a grown-up than a ... child. It seems there's nothing in between anyway. I am a woman."
Dumas never stirred. Rene gritted her teeth. the felt a choking sensation as the weight forced itself higher. How to break through to this ... this scientist ... this doctor ... this author ... this ... adult? Rene tried to stare him down: no good. Another thought hit her. He is all those things, but what was he first, what is he still? A man. And Rene knew then, how to get through to Dumas.
"Dr. Dumas, you do sex research, too, don't you? Like Dr. Kinsey?"
"Yes, Rene, that's the phase of study being worked on right now."
"Look at me, please. Oh, not my hair ... it'll be right again soon," she said self-consciously patting the long, straight strands. "And for God's sake, not in these clothes." She made a face that Dumas smiled at. Rene wiggled her toes and laughed out loud. "No, I mean, look at Rene Adams, what you saw before this last stupid month, what you can envision from tomorrow on."
"Yes, I understand. What's the point?"
Still imperturbable? "I mean my face, maybe not a classic beauty, but good enough...."
"Quite lovely, I'd say," Dumas remarked. Rene watched; no, no emotion, a clinical reference, he might have been talking about an ear lobe or a veriform appendix in a jar of alcohol.
"My bosom," she chose the word carefully, "maybe not the biggest at Baines, but real, all my own, and I don't need any damn brassiere, either." She jammed both hands to her waist and stood up. "My waist is tight, too, see?" Then she slinkily slid her hands down her hips, clutching just above her knees. "The rest of me is real, too, Dr. Dumas, real, and strong, tight and, if I do say so myself, very desirable."
Dumas took his pipe out, tapped it against his shoe and began loading it again. Rene wanted to scream. Was he ... queer?
"Rene, you don't have to impress me. I'm forty-six, I've been a widower for eleven years and I've even given boys a sexual thought. I drink moderately, smoke a pipe constantly, shower regularly, and at least once a week go out with a woman. I am lonely, but I try to keep busy. If and when it gets ... bad ... there are places to go. As for my pretty female students? Well, I don't believe I'll go into that, no pun intended."
In spite of herself, Rene laughed; or was it because of herself? He was a rare bird. Talk about security! A girl would have to get him at just the right time or forget it.
"And your work, Dr, is that always strictly business?"
"Strictly. Twenty years ago when the project was started, we had to have completely dispassionate scientists, or, obviously the entire idea would have to be abandoned. Rene," he said, seating her again, "we view copulation, masturbation, inverted sex acts, all in the name of science. Ninety-nine percent of the time I am bored. So are my colleagues."
"And the other tenth of a percent?" she asked smiling.
"I said I don't believe I'll go into that," he answered evenly. "But, getting back to you, personally. You claim you know what you are. But do you? Scientifically, I mean? I doubt strongly that you are a nymphomaniac, Rene, just because you might thoroughly enjoy sex, giving, receiving or both."
"No, I don't think so, either," she said thoughtfully. It was odd, discussing oneself almost objectively. "But I won't deny I go out for it, when I want to."
"That's not especially revelatory. Most females do. But, ask yourself, do you go out for it to gain some end, or, is some end just ... there?"
"Like a prostitute?"
"Since our society is disinclined to allow an open single standard, every female seeks out a man for gain. Generally speaking, it is when a man seeks her out, that she fits the demure, surrendering image. But you, now. You're a calculating one. Perhaps the person has to have some special physical attribute, or perhaps financial, brains, special interests or something. Or, perhaps he merely has to ... need you ... or convince you he needs you."
Rene felt about to gag. This man was too sharp, he pinned her where she was most tender. As far back as she could remember, Rene "helped", but who? Did she convince herself "they" needed her, or did "they" convince her? Lee and Maria and Doug here, her folks and the boys back home? She wanted again to scream, but not just once.
"You believe sex for its own sake isn't at the bottom of my desires, then? That Rene Adams has to have a reason?"
"That's a fair guess, I'd say," Dumas answered. "I'd like to help you, Rene, if I can."
Knowing the fire in her eyes, feeling the choking sensation in her mouth, Rene turned again to the professor. "Everybody who ever tried to help me made me worse," she snarled. Yes, Dumas moved now. He removed his pipe and sat straighter.
"If I'm calculating, what are you. Dr.? Scientifically, you watch people screwing, going down and exposing themselves. For science, or so that you won't have to be a man! So you'll be bored by it all and can have a handy excuse for not going after us females. So we'll come crawling to you, to serve you so you can go to sleep believing your minds attracted us, and, oh, dear, one of us got into your pants when you didn't even expect it, and, oh well, may as well give her what she needs and wants. Ho hum."
Rene stood now and leaned toward the surprised doctor. "But you don't have needs, right? Just wants. So once a week or so, you extend your hospitality to some woman somewhere, taking care not to marry or bring her around Baines. That's a peculiarly entertaining matter, strictly, isn't it doctor?"
Dumas stood up now, his mouth a gaping orifice. There was no stopping this girl now, he realized. He remained standing.
"Well. I've had it," Rene cried, "with super-stuffed shirts of every kind." She took off the hated sweater and threw it blindly toward the green. She tore off the flannel skirt and tossed it away, too. "Here, doctor, here is a woman ... look," she said, ripping off her bra and dropping it. She wiggled a bit, then grabbed her great, full globes and gently flipped them at Dumas, kneading the nipples till they beckoned him. Despite himself, Dumas felt a warmth growing within.
"Here, doctor," Rene said sensually, stepping out of her panties, and turning around slowly, tantalizingly, showing him her round, hard buttocks and slim, smooth thighs. Then Rene posed close in front of Dumas, seeing-his mouth open in desire, staring-at her fine breasts. Rene saw a growing bulge in his pants and she burst out laughing, pointing there.
"Something about you stands up like a man!" she laughed, with no mirth.
"So, here you are, sir, a full-bodied, boiling-over girl-woman, the best kind. Tight inside, firm outside, one who digs anything-, everything ... like?"
"Rene," Dumas choked. It had been a long time. Too long. He felt sweat drip from his armpits. felt the strain in his shorts. Something in the back of his mind warned him.
"Well, doctor ... do I look clinical to you?" Rene turned to the green, tears beginning to mil. "Is there a goddam man in the house?" She screamed mightily. "Is there a real ... man ... in...." Yes, she moaned, it had been the longest month in her life. And with Lee there was nothing-. Oh. for a man....
Dumas breathed hard. The girl was right. As a scientist and as a teacher ... how could he go near her! But as a man ... those sweet succulent ninnies ... those round, hard cheeks . ... those legs He drooled, shook violently for a second and rushed to her. Circling her, he clasped her breasts, taking-the ninnies between his fingers. He pressed himself to her rear.
Rene was stunned. Cold hands, rough pants on her body. But in an instant, the feeling-was gone. Looking down, she was realized. Hands, old dirty hands, doing nothing but irritating. She wrenched free and turned to Dumas. Where were his glasses? His face was of tortured desire, animal in posture. Rene wanted to vomit.
"Don't touch me," she spat so hard her teeth ached from clenching them together. "You're a pig! A dirty ... lousy ... filthy ... pig!" Rene brushed the flowing tears, and spat in Dumas' face. He took a quick step backward, and Rene began to laugh, laugh hysterically, uncontrollably. Oh, yes, it had been a month all right, but a month not only of missed love. It had been the strain of trying to be something, someone else, another human animal.
Dumas was frightened. This girl, this snip, this naked girl was laughing ... at him, Dr. Ralph Dumas, PhD. She'd taunted him, gotten him hot, as a man, and now ... she loathed his touch. She was nothing more than a tease. Is that it? Her finals? If he had fixed everything, would she pay for it? But she laughed, pointed to him and laughed. He was humiliated, beyond words. Even the simple act of turning around, and walking off was exceedingly difficult for him. Taking a breath, praying to Jesus, he tore himself away and began to run. Let us never meet again, Rene Adams, outside school. Never. Inside Baines we are teacher and student. Outside for each other we don't exist. Do not forget, Rene Adams. On my wife's grave, I swear ... do not know me....
Rene sunk to her knees and sobbed frantically. Looking up for breath she saw she was alone. Alone, on the campus of Baines, deep in night, her room a football field away. And naked as the day she was born. Calmly now, she got up, brushed off her knees. No one was out that late. She decided to chance it. She ran across the green, noiselessly. What she needed now was sleep. How to face the doctor tomorrow, she would figure out ... tomorrow.
CHAPTER TEN
Rene slept through the following day and through the following night, too. Maria kept asking her if she wanted anything, but Rene refused food, calls and visitors. Partly she was exhausted but she simply wanted to stay away from everything and everyone. Maria made excuses in class for her, Mrs. Bagley told the others just to leave Rene alone.
The morning she did get up was lovely. And she felt good. In the shower, she languished for half an hour, just letting the water soak into every pore. She felt cleaner by the minute. Amazing, she told herself, how two days away from the world and a shower brought you back to life, ready to pick it up where it left off?
She shaved her legs and under her armpits; that too had been a long time, but Lee hadn't wanted her to do it. Well, she vowed, she was going back to being the Rene Adams that had so happily come to Baines a few months before. And this time, nobody, no how, was going to stop her, or in any way put on the brakes.
Rene dressed carefully. In many ways this was a key day. First, she would be appearing for breakfast, to face Mrs. Bagley and the other girls for the first time in days. Then, she would have to make her first class, sharp and ready for the critical week before finals. Third, she would have to face Dr. Dumas, and get the dates and times for exams. She was counting on the fact that he was a pro; he had said that he successfully intermixed his academic and private lives without stress on either. And finally, Rene would have to set up the preliminaries for a heavy date for that night. Deep inside her, the most awful furiously demanding passions stabbed at her. It had been too long not to do something concrete about it; concrete, yes, because she had a lot of making up to do.
By six o'clock Rene came tripping into her room, singing. Janey and Ruthie, hair in curlers, watched her in amazement. Betsy, on the hall phone held her hand over the mouthpiece and hummed along with her. Once inside, Rene closed her door and plopped on to her bed and threw her legs up. It was all she could do not to yell out: "Yippee!"
The day had gone perfectly fine, until four-thirty, when Wally Wayne, Baines' top football hero had cornered her in the library, Rene had been concentrating, doing well, because everything else had worked out, even Dr. Dumas who was polite, so much so that Rene had to prod her memory to recall the strange happenings of two nights earlier.
"Hey, Rene," the big man called softly, "Remember me, Wally Wayne?"
Rene smiled. "Of course, Wally, what's new with the team?"
"Going along fine. Say, what are you doing tonight? If it's finals, okay, but no other excuse will get you out of seeing "Thunderball" with me."
Rene, like everyone else at Baines wanted to see the James Bond epic. She'd made no special plans as to time or date mainly because of finals, and when thinking about dating at all, this first one was going to be dedicated to sex, as near 100 percent as possible. In that context, in her spare moments she'd given thought to THE guy: Doug, after all this time would either be panting for her or else simply out of the mood with her. She could jog his memory, of course, because many, many times she'd left him limp and, as he put it, the happiest he'd ever been.
She even gave thought to Lee, knowing with strong female intuition that now the radical character would be amenable. She thought of Hal or Larry, too, and several other guys. By four, taking a cigarette break, she had put together a composite she felt she would need for her sex-love.
He'd have to be reasonably good looking, but on the big side, with shoulders and neck and a good, muscular chest and a fairly flat abdomen. He'd have to love sex, either be or feel inspired to be a master. He'd be a no-holds-barred guy, somewhat on the rough perimeter, and definitely be a bust man. And he'd have to be appreciative of Rene's body. In short a lover, at least a halfway giver and not totally a taker.
Down deep, Rene knew that damn near any guy on campus would come close on one or more counts; even a strict taker, tonight she could handle. All Rene needed, wanted, were the tools.
She gave Wally Wayne the once over. His lack of stupendous mental prowess was a well-known, a campus joke. But he was a fun-guy. And there certainly was no question about either his natural build or his physical condition. Down deep, as Rene looked at the football star, her needs centered on its subject.
"I'm caught up on my finals," she lied and smiled. "And I do want to see that picture. Where is it playing, Wally?"
The giant hesitated a fraction of a second; Rene knew it was at a drive-in. Wally snapped up the ball and plunged. "Uh, at the drive-in," he said, trying to be casual. Well, Rene figured, that settled that: Wally was hungry, too. She had no idea, nor did she care how or where he had heard about her. The fever inside her had found its mark.
"That's fine," she assured him, watching Wally smile with obvious relief. This is going to be your best game yet, she mentally spoke to him; you'd get the ball every time; you'd have no interference anytime and you'd score as many ... touchdowns as you want.
Now, in her room she exulted. Oh, she could feel Wally's big hard body now. No, she sat up. Her nipples felt crushed, imprisoned. The warm, wet sensation between her legs. Uh-uh ... save it, baby ... it won't be long now.
At eight Rene was on the porch, waiting for Wally. Maria came out and looked at her. She wore a shirtwaist dress, with a zipper from the scoop neckline to the hem, above her knees. No hose. Maria couldn't be sure, but while she could see bra lines through the tight bodice, she thought she could make out Rene's ... nipples through the dress! Maria wondered whether Rene wore panties. Knowing Rene, Maria could detect what she was after. And knowing what sex now was, Maria felt a pang of jealousy ... along with another pang, the new kind, the kind she'd experienced since being in bed with Rene.
"Hi, Rene," she said sweetly, hoping she wasn't staring.
"Oh, hi Maria. Come on down, talk to me till my date comes," she said. Maria she knew, was really hitting the books. Well, there was time for that, and she knew Maria would help her.
"Gee, you look nice, Rene."
"Thanks. I hope my date thinks so, too." She looked at Maria. "Well, I see you're wearing your hair the way I fixed it. It looks fine."
"I haven't changed anything you did for me, honest." the girl said. Now she was certain Rene's nipples were showing through the dress! Maria had never heard of such a bra before.
Rene noticed Maria's eyes, and she glanced down. It was noticeable; well, then Wally couldn't help but notice, too. Great.
"Who's your date?" Maria asked casually, feeling the jealousy rising.
Wally Wayne. Do you know him?"
Maria sucked in her breath. "Oh, yes, the football player."
"Yes, that's right. Anything wrong?"
"Wrong? Why no, Rene, what makes you ask that?"
"No, I don't know him. But I've heard about him, that's all."
Rene shot Maria a hard look. "What did you hear, for example?"
Maria shrugged. "Just that he's a big man here ... a star on the team."
"And what else. Come on Maria" she snapped. Was he impotent. God forbid?
"Well ... I heard he wasn't very brilliant; that's all."
Rene laughed and hugged Maria, sending sharp, almost painfully hot flashes through her body. "Oh, Maria, I thought there was something ... bad about Wally I should know about. You scared me." Big deal, she thought, so he's a dummy; you don't need brains in bed.
Just then Wally's Chevy screeched up to the curb. Rene threw Marai a good bye kiss and hopped in. A peal of thunder suddenly came and seconds later lightning creased the sky in several places. Leaves whipped around in angry circles in the middle of the street and on the green. Maria felt a chill and braced herself, looking up. White clouds moved quickly across the dull sky; not a star could be seen. A grey mist hung limply over the moon, as clouds passed over it from time to time.
Wally gunned the car off, leaving burning rubber behind. Rene felt disgusted; was he trying in some stupid way to beat the rain?
Maria watched them drive off. So much for the drive-in. Wally Wayne, she knew, quite well, having been assigned as his tutor for the past year. He lived with his folks in a trailer park east of town. And he never had more than five dollars on him in his life. Feeling the first thick drops splatter the sidewalk, Maria went inside.
Searching her mind she recalled Betsy Parish spoke about Wally once. What was it? Betsy, tiny and compact, always dated the biggest ones, Maria knew. She prodded her head till she got to her room. She paced. No, she couldn't ask Betsy. Oh, if only I listened to their gossip, she said angrily.
It was half an hour later, when Maria was finishing her paper that it came to her. Yes, that was it. Oh, poor, poor Rene. Yes, Wally, Betsy had kidded unmercifully, was ... what had she called him? Speedy ... a quickie ... too quick ... Zing, Bam, Boing! ... and old Wally was ... closed up for the night Didn't ... couldn't ... wait for anything, anyone.
A small feeling of inner exhilaration started from somewhere inside Maria. She too was human, needed, now that she could zero in on what it was she needed. In her secret heart she knew what and who ... Oh, Rene, don't be too hurt, tonight.
Maria looked at her watch. It was nearly midnight. I must have fallen asleep, right her in my chair! The sound of pouring rain and thunder had awakened her. Quickly she closed her window. Then she ran into Rene's room; sure enough, her window was open. Maria closed it and with a towel from the bathroom, she wiped off the desk and the chair. Then she sniffed. There was a musky fragrance in the room, something like an aphrodesiac, Maria thought. She shivered, and started out when she saw the clothes on the floor. She shook her head and bent to pick them up. A sweater and skirt ... a bra ... and Rene tensed. Suddenly she was rummaging, until she found what she was searching for: Rene's panties. A frightening compulsion came over Maria. She couldn't stop herself. Tenderly, lovingly, she hugged the small silky garment to her inflamed breast. Tears came. She brought the panties to her lips. And kissed them, breathing deeply, intoxicated now.
And she experienced the same sensations as when she and Rene had been in bed. She felt her nipples touch the inside of her robe, and tingle. Her whole body trembled. Without touching down below, she knew she was warm and wet. She began to move around Rene's room. There was the picture of Rene, in the briefest of Bikini's. The full-bust shot of her in a sweater, her breasts bursting out. In the drawers, Maria discovered the nipple patches, the snap-in-crotch girdle and the rest of Rene's bras and panties. A cold sweat came all over her. A deep longing surged through her body. She moved quickly, everywhere, touching everything that was Rene's. Oh, Rene she moaned, please ... please ... I'll do anything!
Rene watched as the rains came. Wally raced past the campus and into town, slowing only for stop signs and screeching round corners. Once beyond town, he stepped on it down the highway toward the drive-in.
"Wally," Rene said sweetly, "it's raining too hard for them to try showing the movie."
"Maybe it's just a shower," he answered un-convincingly.
Rene moved closer to the football star and cuddled a bit. "We don't have to go to the movie, you know, Wally." She watched the wipers whip the water off either side of the window and took Wally's arm. He tensed.
"Goddam it!" he swore. "I sure wanted ... to see it."
"Why don't we just pull off for a while and park. Maybe the rain will let up.
Now it was Wally's turn. "Naw," he snarled, "it's going to pour all night. Probably tomorrow, too." But he did seem to be thinking over parking. "It's pretty cold to just park, Rene."
"Not when you're with someone you like, it isn't," she answered. His warmth pressed into her. Wally became uneasy. Yes, she was getting through to him, all right. "Come on, Wally, let's stop."
He scanned the shoulders along the highway. Boy, this broad really comes on strong; the guys were sure right. Jeez, though, I hate playing around in cars. Wish there was some place to go inside. Five bucks, that's the bankroll, and Mom and Pop are staying in tonight, too. Can't go to the frat house because the guys are working on their finals. Goddam it!
It's too wet around here, Rene. Let's drive out to the country." Suddenly Wally became brave. "There's probably an old barn or abandoned shack somewhere out that way."
So you're getting the idea, eh, boy? Rene exulted and hugged Wally's arm some more. "Okay, Wally, darling," she said, "that sounds like a fine idea."
"Yeah, it's too cold and wet for outside."
Rene glanced around the car. "It sure looks comfortable right here," she said, patting the seat.
"Not for guys my size it isn't," he said glumly. He was beginning to get signals deep in his loins, and pressure in his shorts. What a hot chick!
Rene touched his chest: solid. "Yes, I imagine a big fellow like you would find it hard to stretch out in a car, Wally." She settled back. Well, he's primed anyway; not that I'm not, she said, rubbing her left nipple against Wally's arm, and sensing the dampness between her throbbing thighs. It's just a little while,I can wait for that long.
They drove for over two hours, never finding a cabin or a barn anywhere. Wally circled the cloverleaf and headed back. The rain plummeted down, making pinging noises that now echoed inside the car. Wally was angry and hot both at the same time. He began to reconsider the car, but rejected it after remembering the one and only time he had tried it. He made a face. Jeez, he moved his lips ... maybe he'd have to settle for a hand job.
Rene was becoming agitated. The rain was depressing enough; but this goof drove so damned fast that you couldn't see a dry place if you wanted one. Add the elements to the sexual beating, and she was considering biting her nails. She glanced at Wally. He was talking to himself. The big stoop, she thought; I'll go out of my mind if we don't get somewhere soon. I don't care where. It's been a long time, Wally, she wanted to scream, too long, pal; let's swing, anywhere, but let's go! Rene even considered the back seat, to hell with Wally and his comfort; he wouldn't have to stay long in the saddle anyway.
She looked at her watch as she saw the dim, misty outline of Baines loom into view. Nearly midnight now. Panic, and a small hysteria washed over her. I've got to have it ... am I going to be prevented from it? Suddenly, out of the gray, the idea hit her. Of course! She rubbed her chin, moving away from Wally now. It was risky, yes, but far from impossible. As the car zoomed through the now deserted streets of town, Rene gave it careful thought. She looked over at Wally. He'd be the only problem, maybe; would he take the risk to get her? Small beads of sweat gave him a shiny mustache. He'd set this whole thing up, so he was apparently wanting. She'd have to try it out on him, and if need be, convince him. She looked down at her hands. The convincers.
"Wally," she plunged, "I know just the place. Inside, warm, very quiet and a hundred percent private!"
Wally slammed on the brakes right in the middle of the street. "Where? Tell me...." He was frantic now.
"My room. At Mrs. Begley's."
"Are you crazy?" he screamed. "We could get thrown out of school!" What a nymph, he said to himself; a crazy, hot-pantied nymph!
"Wally," she said softly, touching his arm again, and feeling him tense, "Wally, relax. Listen to me, carefully."
"Rene, we can't...."
"Listen," she replied, soothingly, her voice low, sexy. "It's midnight. Everyone will be asleep. The rain noises would cover up squeaks and even whispers, and besides, we'd take off our shoes."
Wally opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came. He wished it could work; no, it was too risky. Her hand was rubbing his chest now, and the fire was starting up. Oh, how he wanted this girl!
Rene let her hand slip lower. "Wally, my room is private. It's over the porch, so no one can possibly hear us once we're inside. Mrs. Bagley's room is downstairs, way in the back."
Wally felt the surge, the tightening increase, the hardness creeping up and forward. Rene's hand was at his belt. He turned to her, slightly panting. "Rene, we could get expelled!" he whispered, a terrible fright in his voice.
Rene leaned in close to Wally's cheek, to his ear and breathed into it. A small groan came from somewhere deep inside him. "Wally, you could take all my clothes off-feel me-touch me-" Her hand touched him and he moved loosely. He put his arms around her and their lips met, opened, and clung together desperately. Rene licked his tongue as her hand gripped the bulge and squeezed.
Wally relaxed and the engine gunned, taking them both by surprise. Wally emitted a small hysterical laugh. Rene still moved her hand on him, but he stopped her and began kissing her neck.
"Wally, turn off the engine," she said as he bit her.
Wally put his hands under her skirt, but Rene stopped him. "Here, baby," she said softly, unzipping her dress to the waist. She took his large head and placed him at her bare, pointed nipples. He sucked madly. Rene felt the charges dig deep and she began to wriggle. I've got to stop him, NOW, or ... , "There, Wally-it'll be worth it, darling, I promise you," she whispered to him.
Wally stared at her as she re-zipped the dress. His breathing; was very fast. "Okay, Rene," he shot out. "Let's go...."
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Maria wrung her hands, the desire overwhelming. Her breath came heavy, warm. Her breasts were tight, taut, the nipples, small and pointed. The dribble down her thigh incensed her. Oh, Rene, she mouthed, Oh Rene....
She stopped cold. Did she hear a sound? Or was it the rain, the wind? She tip-toed to the door and opened it. Oh my God! Quickly, she closed the door noiselessly. My God! It was Rene. And a big man-Wally! They were coming here-to Mrs. Bagley's. Rene, she wanted to scream, do you know what can happen?
Then Maria opened her mouth, as the total truth dawned. She hastily jammed her fists to her mouth. She must not make a sound. But she was-trapped! They were coming here-into Rene's room-and-I am in here!
Tuned now to every sound, Maria's mind raced. The window faced the front, besides the rain's fury was mounting. Footsteps, the padding of stockinged feet closed in. At the last moment, without thought, Maria slid to the floor, and pushed her body under Rene's bed, closing the skirt of the spread over her. Peeking out, she saw the door open noiselessly, and Rene's bare feet, and Wally's huge feet in sweat sox enter. Maria could not take her eyes off the scene.
The door closed behind them and Rene and Wally faced one another and kissed, strongly and passionately. Maria saw his feet standing flat, Rene's high up on her toes, very close, almost between his. Small sounds came from the pair. They parted and came toward the bed. Maria again bit down hard on her fist: they were going to-make love-on Rene's bed-directly above Maria!
Rene didn't speak, and she held her finger to Wally's lips. At the bed, Rene unbuttoned Wally's shirt, over his silent protests. He was naked above the waist. Rene dropped the shirt to the floor right in front of Maria's eyes. Then Rene unbuckled his trousers, and let them drop and Maria heard a soft moan from Wally; she realized, the sweat pouring from her forehead, that Rene must have-touched him. His shorts dropped around his ankles, and Maria tried to look away.
Wally shifted around, and Rene came closer to the bed. She was facing Wally now, her back to the bed. Maria watched in fascination as Rene's shirtwaist dress dropped to the floor, and as Rene with her bare foot, kicked the dress across the room. Other than heavy breathing now, not a sound came from either of them. Maria could guess their next move, but she prayed, hard.
Rene and Wally kissed deeply, crushing their bodies together, standing up. Then, suddenly, Wally took the reins. He shoved Rene backward; she folded at the knees, spreading Rene's legs far apart. Involuntarily Rene gasped at the sharp pain. Maria's eyes opened at the sound. Looking again, she saw the backs of Rene's ankles, her heels, one on either side of her head; between them, coming closer and closer, Wally's big feet, stupidly clad now in white, with his shorts and pants tangled around the ankles.
With a whoosh of air, the mattress was forced down hard. Wally's feet moved forward, balancing, it appeared, on his toes, digging into the carpet. Maria's face was flat on its side to the floor. Now, the bed began to jump violently. Fright gripped her as she realized Wally was apparently into Rene, and pounding away in a great fury at breakneck speed. His noises now were uncontrollable, animal-like.
Rene was surprised about being shoved to the bed. And uncomfortable with her legs dangling off it. Is he hot, she thought, and then she received her second surprise as Wally jammed his fingers into her thighs and spread her gruffly. It hurt. And then he was on top of her hard, his hand shoving it into her. His lunge was frantic, and deep inside her, touching her painfully. Rene grinned her hands and grabbed at his shoulder.
"Easy, darling," she whispered in his ear, "I'm yours, you don't have to rape me!"
But Wally, with quick, forceful movements jammed home, over and over, not allowing Rene to get set. Her fires were sweet as she began to approximate his rhythms.
And suddenly Wally groaned in her ear, grinned her shoulders, and he stopped dead. Oh, Wally, she screamed from inside, don't-oh, man, don't-WALLY! she wanted to yell. But there was no mistaking it. Rene started to try moving, but she was pinned under his dead weight. The splashing came unevenly, now dying, the throbbing presence diminishing. Wally breathed easier now.
"Wally," Rene said slowly, deliberately, "move with me now, baby-nice and easy...."
"I can't...."
A fear came over her as she dug her new nails into him. "Wally," she warned.
"I can't, Rene, I'm done...."
It was true, she felt, maddeningly true; he was soft, nothing inside her. Anything, she sobbed, just the pressure would work.
"Wally, make it good-now...."
But he began to move away, out. Up now on his elbows, he began to lift his body off Rene.
"Wally, baby, no-no-" she begged. "I'll kiss it, Wally-I'll do anything-please!"
Wally was out of her, on his feet, ignoring her. "I gotta get outa here. I don't want any trouble!"
Maria cried noiselessly, her tears dropping to the carpet. She saw Wally's hands reach down, pick up the shorts and pants together, turn and slip out of the room. She didn't have to crane her neck anymore, so she turned. Rene's legs were still far apart, and the bed shook still. Was Rene-doing it-herself? Maria listened hard for the tune of such movement; no, that wasn't it. She tried to tune in harder. When she heard the mournful sob, she knew why the bed moved.
Rene couldn't stop the tears, the grab in her throat, the near-hysterical sobbing. Her body, naked and beautiful, was used, beaten and unsatisfied. She didn't know what to do with her hands. Her legs and thighs ached. Her breasts, too ached from the mass that was atop it, crushing down just minutes ago.
And down there, still pulsating from the action, Rene did not hurt. She felt nothing but empty desire still all through her. Never, she knew, had she been so abjectly frustrated. She felt so alone-and with a new feeling, a feeling she had never before experienced: being unwanted for her body.
After what seemed a long time, she stirred, sat up. It was still pouring outside. It gave Rene an idea. Getting off the bed, she padded into the bathroom and set up a bath. Maria watched the legs become thighs, the thighs become the circular, split, firm behind. She saw Rene's cinched waist, the smooth, beautiful back, her blonde hair cascading to her shoulders. Her own desire came back. When she heard water, she realized what Rene was going to do: take a bath. Maria calculated. If Rene got into it and stayed, she would be able to get out from under the bed and sneak out noiselessly. No one would ever know she'd been in the room.
Rene came out of the bathroom, her hair inside a plastic cap. With a tissue, in front of her mirror, she removed her makeup. Maria watched, her heart pounding. She watched the full, fine breasts breathe. The flat abdomen stretch as Rene moved her arms. And the bushy inverted triangle that enflamed her emotions. Maria closed her eyes tightly.
When she opened them again, Rene was nowhere in sight. Now the bath water was off, too. A small splashing sound told her Rene had gotten in the tub. Hastily Maria got from under the bed, and on all fours, she went to the door. Suddenly she stopped. That fragrance, the aphrodisiac she had smelled before. Looking down she saw Rene's panties, the ones she had just been wearing, the ones she had kicked over, stripping for Wally.
And the idea crystallized in her mind.
She raised herself to her feet, took a deep breath, opened Rene's door and closed it again, trying to make just the right amount of noise so Rene could hear, and not enough to disturb anyone else.
She took two tentative steps forward, toward the bathroom. "Rene," she called softly.
"Who's that? I'm in a bath...."
"It's me, Maria," she said, her heart palpitating. What if Rene didn't want to see her, wouldn't let her stay? Fright gripped her. "May I come in?" She prayed she sounded casual.
"Come on. Oh, bring me a cigarette please. On the bureau."
Maria smiled and almost gleefully took the pack and lighter into the bathroom. Rene was lying almost flat, immersed to her neck in water, all but the flesh and the aeroles around her distended nipples. Her legs were oddly rippling under water, her whole body a wavy mass.
"Thanks, Maria," she said softly. "Just put one in my mouth and liqrht me up. Hmm. That's good," she said inhaling deeply and blowing; out a small part. "How come you're up so late?" she asked.
"Oh, I was writing and fell asleep in my chair. The rain woke me, I think."
Rene thought about it. "How did you know I was up?"
Maria had anticipated it. "I just came out of my room and heard running; water. Not a flushing you know-like a bath." she replied brightly.
Rene nodded and took another full drag-off the smoke. ""It's still pouring. I got in a few minutes ago myself." She turned to look at Maria, sitting on the closed toilet seat, smilingly staring at her. There was a warm, fine look to Maria that reassured Rene. "I'm so glad you're here now, Maria," she said, wondering if she was going to cry. "I needed someone to talk to tonight," she said so quietly that Maria had to lean forward to hear it all.
"I'm glad, too, Rene," she said, the greatest happiness in her life in the words. She felt her nakedness under the robe, tensing now at her breasts, easing now, between her crossed legs. She looked with unabashed desire at Rene's body. "If you want, I'll wash your back, when you're ready, of course."
"That would be dreamy, honey," Rene said. "You could start now, although God knows when I'll want to get out."
Maria stood up. "It's so warm and cozy in here. I wish I was wearing PJ's or something. I'd take off my robe." It was so casual, so like all the other Bagley girls that she knew Rene would do as she would.
"Why don't you, Maria. We've seen each other naked. Besides, I'm glad to see you becoming so much freer and easier. You're not so shy anymore. That's good."
Maria slipped off the robe and hung it up. She felt exhilarated, free. Then she bent and sat on the tub edge near Rene's hand. Her heart pounded against her chest. There was nothing she could do about her nipples. If Rene noticed, she said nothing.
"With my hands, or the washcloth?" she asked. "OH, with your hands, please," Rene replied, handing Maria the butt of the cigarette, settling back and closing her eyes.
Maria dropped the smoke into the toilet and came back, saying, "You'll have to lean forward, Rene, if you want me to do your back." Then, laughing, trying to be funny, "I'll do your front later."
Rene moved forward slowly. "Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea," she said, with no special significance at all. "All over like a massage."
"Oh, I'm great at massages, really, Rene. I'll be glad to!"
She began on Rene's back. Touching first, then kneading deeply into the tense muscles. She started up at the shoulder line and dug. Then, with broad, practiced strokes, rolled down Rene's spine, caressing her waist, and then starting the whole procedure again.
"God, that feels good," Rene said, "but I'm so damned uncomfortable this way." Then she sat up, rolled her head around on her neck and looked up at Maria. "Would you massage me if I lie in my bed, Maria? Just for a few minutes? I'd love it so," she pleaded.
Maria wanted to cry out in happiness. "Sure," she said with love. Rene stood up and Maria handed her a towel. I wish I could carry you in, Maria thought, watching Rene dry herself. Then, together they walked into the darker room. Rain pelted the windows.
Rene walked to the bed, as if in a daze. "Don't turn on any lights, please," she said softly. Maria hadn't considered turning on the lights. She simply stood and watched her naked friend sit down on the edge of the bed.
"It's going to rain all night," Maria said limply, staring at Rene, who yawned and stretched. Rene's arms reached high, bringing the rest of her body into a flexed state. Her round, full breasts raised, her waist tightened and her stomach muscles pulled towards the ceiling.
"I don't care." She lay back on the bed and turned over. "I'm ready, Maria."
Maria came over and sat on the bed and began massaging Rene's neck. For several moments neither girl said anything. Then Maria's hands moved lower, and she moved her body so as to massage down Rene's back.
Rene turned her head to Maria. "Isn't that uncomfortable for you? Why don't you get on the bed," she said.
Maria stopped her hands and tried to understand. "The only way I'll be able to do that, and still massage you, is to-to straddle you!"
"Do you mind?"
Maria could hardly contain her excitement. "No, Rene," she said almost inaudibly. She climbed onto the bed, and stepped over Rene's outstretched legs. She settled on her knees directly over Rene's thighs. She found herself spread open and worried that any sweat might drip on Rene; she was perspiring freely in her excitement. Suddenly Rene shifted, spreading her legs some, and touching the inside's of Maria's thighs. She could not contain her reaction, allowing a short gasp to come.
"Oooh, your legs are warm, Maria," Rene said dreamily.
Maria sucked in her breath, her heart beating a staccato against her chest. Their legs touching felt magnificent; she wanted desperately to lower herself, to sit on Rene, to move into her tightly.
"Do-you want me-to move-?"
"No, it feels good," Rene said gently.
Maria bent herself forward and began again the kneading on Rene's back. Just touching her, she thought, is so wonderful. She moved sensuously lower till she was sitting perfectly straight. "Am I too heavy, Rene," she whispered.
"No."
Maria began rubbing Rene's hips and back toward the center of her back, and down into her curve. She gained confidence now, her hands moving in a circular pattern, her strong fingers probing and feeling deep. Then, tentatively, she began going down between Rene's cheeks, down to her innermost thighs. Her heart throbbed as her nimble fingers dug. Rene moved, almost imperceptibly, and sighed. Maria continued, now, with a dedication, that made Rene begin parting her thighs more.
"Maria," she whispered, "honey, that's so good-you're doing it so-good."
"I can do it better, Rene," she answered.
"Umm...."
Maria gently got off Rene's legs, gently spread them apart and got between them, lowering herself more on the bed. Now, she could look directly down to between Rene's cheeks. Rene did not stir, or try to close up. Taking this for encouragement, Maria crouched low and began again stroking the innermost areas with her fingers. Rene's sighs were now becoming audible. And Maria began now, moving upward, a bit farther with each stroke.
"Maria," Rene said hoarsely, "it's been so long...."
"I know," Maria said, her own voice stronger now.
"It's so-sweet feeling," Rene whispered. "So gentle, so good," she moaned. "It's been too long. I've been hurt-nobody's loved me-and I wanted someone to-love me."
"I love you, Rene," Maria said, touching stray hairs now. "I love you."
"Nobody's wanted to-make me-feel-good."
"I'll make you feel good, Rene."
"Oh, Maria-please-"
"I will, Rene-just relax, my darling," she said, purposely keeping her tone even, mesmerizing the girl beneath her. Rene unlocked her arms and stretched them out, relaxing her whole body.
Maria crouched lower, her face less than an inch from Rene's body. She touched her lips to Rene's round, firm cheek, and felt her react.
"Oh, Maria," Rene's voice came from far off.
Maria kissed her again, touched her skin with her tongue, and began massaging Rene with it. Deeper inside the curves she moved, her hands moving Rene's body now for her own convenience, now gripping Rene's thighs and lifting her and spreading her.
Maria breathed again the mysterious aphrodisiac she had known earlier. Then she kissed Rene's parted sweetness. Rene sighed and reacted with movements in an attempt at meeting Maria's mouth, but Maria moved still farther forward and inside. Now she was almost beneath Rene. Rhythmically, she kissed as Rene met her every movement.
Suddenly, Maria flipped Rene over on her back and moved quickly higher along her body till she reached Rene's face. Crushing their bodies together, Maria kissed Rene's mouth, and their lips opened wide. They played with each other's tongues madly, their hands active, Rene's tightly around Maria and digging into her back, Maria's caressing Rene's hard breasts, squeezing her stiff nipples.
"Oh, Maria, Oh, how I want it-"
Maria gloried in being needed, wanted. She licked Rene's neck and ear.
Maria licked down between Rene's heaving, tight breasts, then up the side of the mountain to the peak. Then she soul-kissed it, and bit it, crying as she heard Rene's moan and grip her head. For a long time and she sucked, kissed and bit.
"Maria," Rene said between gasps, "kiss me-all over-there!"
Maria moved higher again, instead, and maneuvered her body between Rene's thighs, suddenly jamming her own thicket into Rene's.
"Will it work?" Rene asked in Maria's ear.
Maria brought her arms down, her hands down and underneath Rene's buttocks, and gripped them, raising them high and wide. Rene moved higher and in, as Maria tightened.
Rene moved fast, up, and forward. "Oh, Maria-please-do it-oh, can you?"
Maria pounded hard, breathing furiously, rubbing it in, in a tight, small circle so that they would meet and touch, if only for seconds at a time. Rene surged higher, and clung to the undulating girl above her.
"Oh, Maria-it's WONDERFUL!
Madly they searched for each other, frantically clutching, pushing together, clashing in a battle of legs and thighs; now Rene suddenly wrapped her thigh round Maria's leg, and with her hand, took Maria's cheek in her hand, and pulled her in even tighter.
Both girls gasped. "Now, Maria, baby," Rene said, "Now!"
And Rene felt the rise quickly coming. Now Maria's thigh was in tight, right there, and moving gloriously. Everything was moving fast, terribly fast. The long month's wait-so speedily, so marvelously, coming to an end. The horrible night's frustrations, crashing to a perfect, a fantastic finish-
It didn't matter, somehow, that nothing big, and hot and stiff pounded in and out. She was being touched right, and more, so sweetly. And so fast. Close, she felt, so close.
"Maria," she wanted to scream, "Maria-now, baby-NOW!"
It tore, hurt, pulled hair, rubbed too hard, but she was there, ripping away at the summit of the mountain, clasping Maria's bouncing cheek, digging, drawing blood from Maria's shoulder, biting through the lobe of Maria's ear-yes, yes-Oh, yes-OH, YES!!!
Over and over Rene felt the waves wash, till she slowly drifted down, down to earth-where Maria lay on her, moving in concert with her own breathing.
"Oh, Maria, baby," she cried, "oh, it was so good, darling."
Maria's tears mixed with her own. "You cried, Rene, when-when-it happened-did I hurt you?"
"YES, a little, but I couldn't stop-I wouldn't have. It still hurts there."
They lay in each other's arms for a long time as the rain continued outside. Maria every once in a while touched Rene's nipple, caressing it again.
"Maria, I'm insatiable. I thought I'd better tell you."
"Good," Maria smiled, bending to kiss it again, loving the feeling of it growing in her mouth.
"Maria," Rene said, again feeling the rise come over her. "Sleep with me tonight?"
"Yes, Rene. I'll-love you to sleep, all right?"
"Yes-now-"
Maria kissed Rene's breasts for a long time, feeling Rene begin to react and warm to her needs. She kissed her all over, finally reaching Rene's open thighs. Hesitating for a moment, she reflected. You're mine, now, Rene. No more disappointments. No more worries, for either of us.
And then she leaned in, grateful for the sigh she heard, glad for the hands that caressed her head. She kissed fondly at first, and then, reacting to Rene's needs, faster, deeper, with great, passionate fervor.
Rene lay back, letting herself go. Oh, my God-how magnificent, how-oh, God-don't let her ever stop-all night-I don't want her ever to stop doing this-
From far away, in fleeting moments, Rene felt her problems being drained away, her worries disappearing. I'll be all right now, she felt, Maria's here. Maria will take care of me-
CHAPTER TWELVE
The final weeks of the semester went quickly. Everyone at Baines had apparently begun trying to make up for lost time. In every house around the circle, lights burned late. The library was always crowded. The bars and coffee shops, as well as the other meeting places in town and along the highway were virtually empty, even on weekends.
At Mrs. Bagley's, the girls all worked hard, too. The lounge was used, but usually for reading or working by those girls who had roommates. Maria and Rene had decided not to move in together, but not to sleep alone, either. When it came to studying, Rene found herself not the leader she always was, but the follower, to Maria. Each day and evening, she grew more and more confident of her fate at Baines. Maria, serious and very sharp when it came to such things, kept Rene working, and helped make everything much easier for her.
Rene went to bed exhausted every night, but Maria seemed to thrive, even find the entire thing stimulating. She translated her new-found strengths to bed. And although Rene had needed so very much care, love and everything else Maria could and did give, many nights, she wished simply to turn over and go immediately to sleep.
Maria keenly watched for the signs. She had already decided that Rene was at this point, firmly in her power, in every way. First, Rene wanted to pass her finals, and stay on at Baines; without Maria's tutoring and help, that would be impossible. Second, Rene had wasted love made to her, initially to try and make up for the love she hadn't been getting from Lee, and then when she had reached the point of frustration; without Maria in this way, too, Rene would be in trouble.
Thus Maria saw herself as Rene's salyation. From this, she had become a new person. She dressed well these days, wore her hair properly, held her head high and her posture correct. A sense of pride surrounded her being, and this translated itself to others. Now people spoke to her, many of whom ignored her for the years she'd been at Baines. The teachers, always her great admirers, now smiled at her, congratulated her for her appearance and new charms.
The only advent that Maria actually resented was men. From nowhere, because she hadn't in any way solicited it, men started to look at her, in the ways they looked at the other, more attractive girls. It didn't unnerve Maria, really, it bothered her because she had no interest, and thus, found it offensive. Many times, when one or two were particularly obnoxious in her eyes, she wanted to tell them she was sexually deliriously happy, and that she didn't need their ogling, their sly innuendoes, their suggestions.
But Maria knew she wouldn't say anything, that she had to act as the other girls acted: coy, a bit shy, however hypocritical that attitude was. And she did it. She never told Rene about these times, guessing shrewdly that Rene might miss what she used to have.
Rene didn't get out much, and when she did, to the library, for example, she tended to ignore everyone around her, men and the girls alike. She knew she wasn't physically up to par, but she did not know what was wrong;, either. Her only thoughts were on passing the finals. She combed her hair, dressed reasonably well, made her face up properly, all instinctively. But there wasn't the pleasant repartee she was already known for, there wasn't the laughing girl everyone came to know in Rene.
Few of the students connected Maria and Rene sexually. Not even Mrs. Bagley's girls. Ruthie and Betsy were working as hard and didn't even notice their closeness. Janey, Rita, Stef and even Mrs. Bagley, all fans of Rene's, knew Maria's vaunted brainpower. And they knew Rene had not been doing well in class. So, they were glad that the two girls worked together, for Rene's sake.
Rene walked into her room and closed the door behind her. It was six-thirty, and she had had to come back from the library. She felt dizzy, unwell. Mrs. Bagley had prepared sandwiches for her, as she did for all the girls, but they made Rene feel nauseated just to look at them. She had started to work at the library, but felt a desperate need for air. Outside, the dizziness began, so she came back.
She had seen through open doors, the other girls working. But Maria was out. Rene had no idea where she was, and at this point, didn't care, either. She dropped into a chair and let the air out of her lungs. Then she lit a cigarette, took its first drag, and suddenly began to cough violently. She put out the cigarette.
Now she paced. What's wrong with me, she wondered, worried. I sleep well, the work isn't that difficult, really, even though its all coming at once. Worry, about the finals? Yes, that could be; nerves affect the body in many ways. But, no, it wasn't that, or only that; my eyes? She rubbed them as she did so often these past few weeks. No, at least not only the eyes.
She looked at her cigarettes, smelled them and shook her head. No, they were fresh, smelled as they always did. No foods bothered her, that she knew of. There wasn't anything going around, because she hadn't heard of anything. She lit another smoke, and slowly, this time, dragged on it. Okay. Nothing amiss. She smiled, grateful that she could at least smoke.
Well, she thought, I feel much better. Maybe I shouldn't have been in such a hurry to leave the library, there's so much more to the outline. On the other hand, she figured, walking now, one more evening off can't hurt anything. She'd make up for it tomorrow.
She ate a corner of Mrs. Bagley's sandwich. And drank some of the hot chocolate, that wasn't hot anymore. Then she read a little of her book.
Could it be Maria and me, she suddenly thought I had wanted, needed, a man; it had been a month, then, almost two now. Wryly she reminded herself, she still didn't have a man. Oh, there was Wally that night, but that doesn't even count. In most ways, she admitted, she didn't even any longer really MISS a man. But she did miss giving of herself, to the relationship. Not that she wanted Maria, other than as the lover-tool she was; she didn't, and was grateful that Maria hadn't asked her to do anything. But still, a man did provide that one single, vitally important addition-
Maybe, now that I'm somewhat satisfied, certainly not any longer frustrated, I'm having second thoughts about sex with Maria. After all, even though I am not a Lesbian, not "in love" with Maria, I'm not dating, and not even enjoying the ordinary relations with a man, or a group of men, such as in couples. Yes, she thought, I do miss a date, dancing, going out for dinner-and loving a man, too.
Yes, that must be-suddenly a wave of nausea came over Rene, a growing, tightening sensation from the pit of her stomach. She gripped herself, fighting tears. Oh, my God-I want to throw up! But Rene felt glued to the chair. Her bladder pinched. Her kidneys flared. I've got to-get up. The sweat poured off her forehead, down from her armpits. I'm sick, there's something wrong with me, she cried.
As she sat on the toilet, she heard Maria come in. "I'm in here," she groaned.
Maria rushed in; her eyes wide. "What's wrong, Rene? You look gray!"
"Something's wrong, but I don't know what. I lit a cigarette and coughed and got nauseated. Then I felt better and ate something. Then, I felt like vomiting-and a rush to-go."
"Do you have a fever?"
Rene touched her forehead with the back of her hand, and shook her head. Maria felt her. Rene felt the dizziness acutely now.
"Are you in pain?" askeed Maria.
Rene thought. "No, not really. Just dizzy."
Maria turned on the lights in the big room and went into her own room. Rene finished and washed her face with cool water. I've got to lie down, she said, almost aloud. She did stretch out on her bed.
Maria came back, her robe on, and, Rene saw, naked under it. Oh, no, not tonight, she thought. I couldn't take it. "Maria, I'm going to sleep. Maybe I'm tired," she said weakly.
Maria sat next to her, stroking her forehead. "I guess you are right, Rene. Maybe I've been working you too hard. I hope that's all this is, though."
Rene looked at her. There was a strangeness in her voice. "Maria, what do you think it is?"
"I'm not a doctor-"
Rene tried to get Up on her elbows. "Come on Maria," she snapped. "If you know something, tell me. Do you think I like feeling this way?"
"No, Rene, I don't think you like feeling "this way" at all," Maria shot back feelingly.
Rene narrowed her eyes. Her heart began to trip-hammer. What did Maria suspect? Why was she suddenly so waspish? "Maria," she began gently, "do you know what's wrong with me?"
Maria's eyes filled with tears. "And you're not going to like feeling 'this way,' either, but you're going to anyway. For a long time!," she continued, ignoring Rene's overtures.
Now Rene became frightened. She got off the bed and went close to Maria. "What is it, Maria? Tell me!" She gripped Maria's arms.
Maria looked over at her. "I just checked on my calendar, Rene, and I believe I know the truth." Rene reached for a cigarette, then thought better of it. She tried connecting calendars with the way she felt. She looked back at Maria, still puzzled.
"Rene, you're pregnant!"
Rene felt as though she were hit across the face with a two-by-four. She shook her head. Maria stood up and walked.
"You haven't had your period this month. I know, I've kept track," she said quietly. "You were due last Monday. Or even Tuesday. But today is Friday, Rene." She came quickly to Rene. "Any feelings, symptoms-your legs-abdomen?"
Rene thought, stunned. No, no symptoms of my period. Yes, it was due the first part of this week. A baby. Inside me. Pregnant. Me. She turned to Maria and watched as tears filled the girl's eyes. How? When? Some irony, she bit her lip. No man for almost two months-only-another girl-then it hit her. She stood up, brought her hands to her mouth. She looked down at Maria. Oh, my God. A fluke. Impossible, yet-possible? No, not just possible. True. Certain. Definite. She counted back. No sense in that. She walked across the room, then back.
"Wally," she said simply.
Maria bowed her head. Yes, of course, Wally. That night, when she was under the bed. The night that Rene had so desperately cried out for a man, and thought she had him.
"Maybe I'm wrong, Rene," she said, whimpering.
"No, Maria, you're not wrong, I'm sure of that." Maria wept openly. Rene comforted her. "Take it easy. It never occurred to me-me, Rene Adams, girl smarty-pants, huh? Trapped and caught," she said bitterly. "Now what do I do?"
"Rene, doctors have a medicine that can-kill it, if it's soon enough. It's true, I know it's true."
Rene knew Maria was right. "I know," she said, "but a student just doesn't waltz over to her friendly physician and ask him to prescribe something to give her an abortion!"
The girls suddenly looked at one another at mention of the word.
"Rene," Maria was firm, "you can't consider that!"
"Who says I can't?'" she replied angrily. "It's my-baby, my decision, isn't it? Well, then I can do anything I damn please with it." She began again to pace. "Do you know who?"
Maria shook her head. "No. Honest," she said at Rene's look. "I wouldn't know where to start. Besides, then you'd have to tell."
"If something isn't done pretty soon I won't have to tell," she said patting her abdomen. "But you're right, I've got to confide in somebody. The less the better, naturally, so the person has to be one who can do the most good."
"Rene, you don't even know for sure-"
"Oh. come off it, Maria! Two and two still make four, don't they? I hadn't been to bed with a man in nearly two months right? Except one? And I've missed my period? And this-sickness, this nausea?" She was surprised at her own acceptance of the facts, her taking it so well.
Maria hung-her head. Rene became disgusted. What she did not need was a worrier to hang around. She knew the time for action was now. But who? Doug? Yes, he would probably know of someone, but he was definitely the wrong guy to tell it to in the first place. She couldn't lie, say it was for someone else, that was too corny, and nobody would believe it anyhow. Lee? Yes, he would help. but not in the way Rene wanted help; Lee would advise having the baby, and maybe marrying him. She thought of several people, but rejected them all.
"Rene, could you go home?"
Rene looked incredulously at Maria. "That would be the worst thing of all to do, Maria!" She gave no more than a second's thought to her father and mother, and to Ebli itself. No. "Maria, I must have an abortion, that's all there is to it. I want to stay here, at Baines, and finish school. And I do not want to have a baby!"
Rene smoked, no feeling of sickness coming from anything, now. She was too wrapped up in her problem. "Let's go down to the drug store. They have those instant rabbit tests. Then we'll know for sure. Then, maybe they've got something to bring on the period, when a girl is-legitimately-late."
"I'm not dressed, but it won't take a minute," Maria said.
Later, back in the room, the gins sat. Dejection now set in tight. The test was conclusive. And the druggist feigned no knowledge of anything without a prescription that might help bring on a girl's menstrual period. And regardless of Rene's working at it, he refused, too. to mention any doctor's name who might consider performing any thing resembling an abortion.
"There must be something," Rene said, going back to-biting her nails. "There must be someone here at Baines who knows how to get one of those things done, Maria. You've been here two years-these things happen in college all the time-especially here!"
Maria thought that over. "You're probably right, Rene, but in the past two years, I was-out of things, you might say."
"I'm sorry I brought that up, Maria," Rene was sorry, it had been thoughtless. "Okay, think, then. Who would be likely to know about these things?"
Maria considered that. She remembered one girl who became pregnant in her first year at Baines. What had Cynthia done? She hadn't gone home. Oh, yes, she'd gone to-Mrs. Castle. In tears. But she hadn't wanted an abortion, hadn't wanted to give up her baby. Who else? Lynn Ogden, just last year, had gotten pregnant, at the first rush dance, everyone said. But she, too, had gone to Mrs. Castle.
"Everything I can come up with points to Mrs. Castle. The girls went there, but I never found out how things worked out."
Mrs. Castle! Rene snapped her fingers. Of course. "That's what I want, Maria, a name. That's what I'll do, too. Maybe she can give me some ideas."
"I don't think Mrs. Castle will-"
"I don't suppose so, Maria, but it can't hurt to ask, can it?"
"Maybe not," she said. "But she might make you go home."
"I don't think so," Rene said, her old confidence returning. "This doesn't exactly speak well for her college, you know. She'll try to help, you'll see. Maybe not exactly what I want, but she'll say something that I can use."
Rene undressed and purposely put on her PJs behind the bathroom door so as not to take any chances with Maria. Tonight she had to rest, sleep, think. Without interruption. When she re-emerged, she pointedly ignored the hurt-dog look that was on Maria's face.
The following morning, Mrs. Castle let her in her office, a welcoming smile on her face. "Come in, Rene, it's so nice to see you looking so cheery the week before finals."
Rene was feeling good, and that was odd, she knew, under the circumstances. But she held out hope from Mrs. Castle. And hope was something that Rene needed to cling to now. But she could also have to appear something less than happy, to Mrs. Castle, in order to gain sympathy and perhaps, the real help she really needed.
They sat across from one another at Mrs. Castle's desk. Rene lit a cigarette. If she was going to be sick, then the time to be, was now. All morning, she smoked, and felt lousy; her breakfast wanted to come up, but she forced herself to keep steady.
"Now, Rene, what can I do for you today?"
"Mrs. Castle," she began, "remember the last time I was here? When I was going with Lee Kruger?"
"Yes, Rene, I remember," she replied, betraying no emotion. What was in this girl's mind? I know she no longer goes with the radical Kruger; in fact, I hear she hardly dates at all.
"Well, from your advice, and all, Lee and I broke up. That day, in fact," she said, remembering the day unhappily. "Well, I've tried hard to apply myself since then," she went on, only telling that part for Mrs. Castle's benefit. "And I am going to pass my finals."
"Good for you, Rene, I'm very glad to hear that," the woman smiled.
"But, something just came up that might-kill everything," Rene said, the thinking about it bringing a feeling of tears. "Mrs. Castle, I don't know how to tell you this." She could hardly help the tears.
Mrs. Castle suddenly tensed. She'd seen this approach before, witnessed many times in "twenty years, the spectre of a girl seated across from here, in this frame of mind. She guessed Rene was going to have a baby. But, it had been too long for that, that she knew of, that her "spies" had told her concerning Rene. "What is it, child," she managed gently.
My God, thought Rene in panic; what if Maria's right, that I'll be sent home! She began to cry. What if Mrs. Castle threw her out of the office? Told her she would have nothing more to do with her?
"Rene," she said softly, handing the girl a tissue, "tell me, please. Crying can't help anything." And when Rene apparently could not control the sobs, Mrs. Castle knew her thoughts had been right. "Rene, have you found out that you're pregnant?"
Rene looked up sharply, dazed. How could she know? "Oh, Mrs. Castle," she cried then, laying her head on her crossed arms.
Mrs. Castle came from behind her desk and hugged Rene. So, somewhere, somehow, the spies had missed a liaison Rene had obviously kept. It was probably one single time, too. What a poor break, poor kid. Well, Mrs. Castle told herself, this is no time for sentimentality. Fate had played its role well; this girl, the one she had had her eye on since the semester had begun, was now, very close to being exactly where she wanted her, theoretically, in her power. The rest of her conversation would dictate the details. Mrs. Castle now set Rene up and helped her regain control.
"Rene, let's try to be calm now. You obviously came to me for something. What can I do, how can I help?"
"I don't know, Mrs. Castle, honestly, I don't know what to do! I can't go home-"
"I see," the older woman said, thinking that they were already closer. "Does it help any to know-the boy?"
Rene shook her head in despair. Wally? Living in a trailer, going to Baines solely on the basis of his stellar football antics. No, no good at all." No, that doesn't matter," she said between sobs.
"What are you thinking, Rene," she asked calmly.
Rene looked hard at Mrs. Castle. "An abortion," she replied quickly. Mrs. Castle watched Rene carefully. That was a well-thought out answer, very pat, matter-of-fact. Of course the girl could have thought about it all night, and all morning. But she wondered why the girl came straight to her, with this attitude. Was there any possible way she could suspect anything? No, that wag not possible.
"That's a natural thought, I suppose," she said, walking now, around her office, "but it isn't the sort of thing one brings to one's advisor, is it Rene?"
"I just know I need help, Mrs. Castle, and there's no one else I can turn to," Rene said, hopelessly. "But that is what I want."
"An abortion can be pretty harmful, physically, . and psychologically. Did you think of that, too?"
"I don't care," Rene replied quickly. "Can you help me? I would never say anything." Instantly she knew the words were wrong.
Mrs. Castle turned quickly and gave Rene an angry glance. "What makes you think there's anything you'd have to hide, Rene? The advisors here, as at every college in the country, get requests like this every day. And," she remarked almost offhandedly, "such requests are turned down every it as often."
Rene bit her lip. She had antagonized Mrs. Castle. Oh God, I'll kill myself, that's what'll I'll do....
Mrs. Castle sat down now, all business. "Rene, there may be the possibility that I can help. No, don't say anything yet. Listen. Since you are the one in trouble, this conversation never happened, is that clear? Because, should the occasion ever arise, what validity do you think your version would carry?"
Rene sat straight, calmer now, sure that Mrs. Castle would help. All she really wondered about was ... the price.
"Rene, I'm a widow, as you know. And a college counsellor, a poor-paying position at the largest universities. But. I manage to do my job, and live rather well, comparatively. And there is a reason: I am careful about my activities off campus, extremely so."
Rene watched Mrs. Castle as she spoke. She was leading up to something What? Lesbianism? She doubted that. But what? She stared, transfixed.
"Now," Mrs. Castle said easily, "I have a small enterprise going for me, in town. A very discreet operation, really but a very profitable one, too. Oh it's not an abortion ring, Rene, so don't look so thrilled. But I can help you, if you will help me."
"How, Mrs. Castle?" She was sincerely intrigued now.
"Rene, have you ever heard of a sex club?"
"No " she answered in surprise.
"Well many college students partake of such clubs all across the country, perhaps the world. I'm not sure. They're clean, complete as to anyone's ... desires ... and well, as I said profitable.
But there comes a time in any club, when new members ... new blood so to speak are needed. Recruitment in this sort of thing isn't as easy as some people imagine, even though everyone is so sure of the popularity of sex."
"I didn't know there were any her at Raines," Rene said sincerely. She thought that all the students had things going for them individually.
"There is, Rene, one, mine. So, now you know. It won't do you a bit of good to know, just to know, however. That I can promise you," she said mildly threatening.
"You said you can help me if I help you, Mrs. Castle," Rene said, again confident. "You can help me by getting me to an abortionist, right? But, how can I help you?"
"Let's speak frankly, Rene, shall we? Good. You love your sex, even you told me that. Well, if you were to join a few of our gatherings, say for a week, well, Rene Adams as a member would bring all the new members I could use. As a bonus," she said wryly, "you'd probably have the greatest time of your young life."
"You mean, join the rest ... in orgies ... and things like that?"
"That's a clear enough explanation, orgies," the woman said. "Perhaps you're bashful or don't care to join a group at sex?"
"It doesn't appeal to me," Rene said in disgust.
"Well, then," Mrs. Castle said formally, "then our interview is over, isn't. Naturally I am sorry about your predicament, Rene, but what can I do for you?"
Rene eyed the older woman, but did not move. "But you will see to it I get my abortion?"
"We receive money, Rene, from everyone who joins our club. And regular dues. In a week, we'll probably get twenty or more new members. Since there's little investment on my part, and a great deal of profit; yes, I can get you a clean abortion without charges."
That was better than Rene expected. She had figured, if she could get one at all, that perhaps she'd need as much as $500. As to how she would get the money ... home ... Doug ... at this point, she had no idea. Now, even that worry could be taken care of. She smiled at Mrs. Castle.
"A clean abortion? What exactly is that?"
"From an experienced medical-type person, Rene, in sterile surroundings, without additional troubles in the future."
"And all I have to do is ... enjoy myself?" she asked wryly.
"I'm not recruiting prostitutes, Rene," Mrs. Castle shot back. "In fact, it's amazing to me you haven't heard about us sooner. Quite a few of your student friends and acquaintances are members, you know. At our club, you do what you wish, with whomever you wish. I'm never there," she said, evenly.
Rene smoked a cigarette. She felt better considering the offer. Well, why not? Making mad love to guys all year ... having a girl make love to you ... the only difference here is quantity, really. It might even be fun, for what, a week? But at week's end ... the solution to the most important problem facing her in her life.
"All right, Mrs. Castle, I'll join up," she said. "But I have to be sure about the ... abortion."
Mrs. Castle was all sweetness instantly. "Rene, as your friend, I promise it. In fact," she said openly, "I'll guarantee it by taking you there myself. And waiting for you ,and take you to your room at Mrs. Begley's. Will that do?"
Rene smiled. It was agreed. She nodded. "Yes, that's fine. I really feel a hundred percent better, honest."
Together they walked to the door. "I'll see you tonight, Rene. Week-ends are so busy, you'll see. I'm glad you're joining in, really, even though it came about in just this way."
Rene opened the door and turned back. "Would you have asked me sooner or later?"
"Yes."
"I would have turned you down, before, Mrs. Castle." Rene smiled and left. Smiling.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Rene left Mrs. Castle's office feeling better than she had in months. Now, almost in one fell swoop, she was the old Rene. No more delinquency ... well, after the abortion there wouldn't be, anyway. But the so-called price Mrs. Castle thought she was extracting, was precisely and exactly what Rene was certain she needed to bring her old self back fully. It was also quite a good feeling letting Mrs. Castle believe as she did, that she, too, was getting some return on "her investment."
The remainder of the day went as well. Rene had two classes and enough time in the library to get made up for the previous night's miss. And Rene found concentrating easy, too, which to her meant things were better all around.
Back at Mrs. Bagley's, she showered happily, actually looking forward to the evening's promise. I've never been an exhibitionist, she told herself while dressing; I never cared to watch anybody else do it, and certainly didn't ever want anyone watching me. Maybe it will be dark; maybe everyone closes his or her eyes; maybe everybody at first feels the same things, and gets used to it all. But, Rene consoled herself, men, real honest-to-goodness men would be there. Not old decrepit men, or oddballs like Dr. Dumas, but real vibrant college men. And they all certainly knew what they were in for, she joked.
Rene decided against any bra at all, and no panties; why waste them? She wore her shirtwaist dress to make even that easier. She had powdered and scented herself everywhere; why not give your all, she sang gaily.
Maria came in just as Rene started out. "Hi," she said in surprise. "You must have done all right today."
It was a cardinal rule not to tell about the sex club. Rene hugged Maria. "Yes, I did, Maria," she said softly. "Everything is going to be fine."
"Where are you going?" Maria asked, suddenly realizing that Rene wore nothing beneath the dress. Color drained from her cheeks.
"Oh," Rene said casually, "to a party. I met some old friends in the library."
"They must be real pals, Rene," Maria said, hurt, "they won't even have to spend time unhooking you anywhere!"
"Oh, come on, Maria, it's been a heckuva long time for me, you know that." There was no sense denying; anything and carrying the conversation on, either. "I've got to go now."
"Do you want me ... to wait up?" There was a small fear in Maria's voice.
"No, I don't think so, honey. 'Night."
Rene walked quickly down the stairs and out. She left the circle before getting the address from her bag. Mrs. Castle's place was just inside town, a short walk. Spotting the house, she bought a package of cigarettes, and went to it. This being pregnant has at least one advantage, she reminded herself: anything goes, without fear. She knocked at the door, telling herself not to enjoy being pregnant, even for a week.
A Negro woman, stone-faced and impassive opened the door and without a word led Rene up the stairs. It was an old house, with lots of wood everywhere, a more than slightly rickety. Rene hoped the ... rooms? ... would be clean.
On the top floor the woman tapped at a door, and opened it, and showed Rene inside. Then she left. Rene stepped inside. It was quite dark, smelled wonderful, and Rene felt the soft plush of the carpet under her feet. She could make out a purple brocade finish to the walls. She nodded in appreciation. The hall she was walking along was narrow, and led to a softly lit, much larger room than even the lounge at Mrs Begley's.
Suddenly her eyes focused on people, all in the nude, all lying around low, plush divans, floor pillows of great size, and single pillows scattered everywhere. Low lighting from above keyed the mood. Swinging music permeated the room, coming through speakers in lamps, cigarette boxes and floorboards. The entire effect was wonderful, Rene thought. Nobody looked up as she stood there.
"You can get out of your clothes, or do anything you need in there," a voice told her softly in her ear.
Rene turned and looked closely. Stef! She became confused: should she say something in greeting? "Okay, thanks," was all she could manage, and started for the room Stef pointed to.
Inside was light and lovely, all in pale yellows, right down to the tile and towels and soaps. The mirrors were the walls. A closet stood open, and Rene saw many dresses, slacks and sweaters and blouses. On the floor were all kinds of shoes and boots. When she turned, she saw that Stef had followed her.
"It's amazing," Rene said, "I never thought anything this existed at Baines."
Stef took a smoke from an urn and lit up. "Now you know," she said. "I promised when Mrs. Castle was going to bring you in, Rene," she asked.
Rene began unzipping her dress, feeling self-conscious in front of the naked Stef. Again she appreciated the other girl's fine body, the full-blown breasts, the tiny waist, the longish legs-too.
"Now that she has invited you," Stef said, Now she, too, was naked. Stef looked her over, "I'm glad. I really am. You are beautiful, Rene, everywhere."
Rene couldn't help but blush. "I always thought you were too, Stef. To be frank, I'm glad you're here."
"Hope the old bat didn't charge you much," Stef said as they walked back into darkness.
Rene thanked goodness that Mrs. Castle had kept her word. She had apparently told everyone she was expected, but definitely had not told anyone of her predicament and their bargain. "No, at least I don't think so, Stef. I'm a little nervous," she said.
"You wouldn't be normal if you weren't the first time," Stef laughed. Then, using her wonderful sense of humor, as Rene had remembered when they first talked the night of the rush dance, Stef continued, "You never know who you'll meet at these club meetings!"
Stef led Rene into the huge room. "There aren't any rules, Rene. You just ... get comfortable, anywhere. There's plenty of drinks, food, too, over there. Comfy mattresses on the floor, pillows galore and beds in all the smaller rooms."
"Uh ... how about...."
"Getting acquainted?" Stef laughed. "Don't worry, my pretty, as I once told you, with a body like yours, they'll come to you." Then she turned and faced Rene. "Oh, one thing, Rene. Everything goes here. You can't refuse anything, but I suppose Mrs. Castle informed you of that. It's obvious, once you get to know it all, that here, everybody swings any way he or she desires. Nobody's going to rat."
"I understand Rene said, beginning to feel easier.
Stef laughed again. "You think you do, that's good. Well, come on, relax. Want a drink?"
"No, I guess I'll just ... wander around."
"Okay, be seeing you ... in the oddest places!" Stef said, stepping across a naked couple who Were kissing one another.
Rene stepped around them and when she looked up, Stef was no longer in sight. Rene walked toward an empty floor pillow near the sound of music. She was still nervous, but the talk with Stef clamed most of her fears. Knowing the nature of men, she knew it would only be a matter of time before someone closed in on her.
At the pillow she slumped down and got comfortable. There were maybe twenty people lining the floors, perhaps ten more on the couches; Rene wondered how many members would be coming later. The lighting hit her body just right, shadowing her vast cleavage for all to witness. Every line and contour of her body showed itself off to distinction. In seconds, Rene felt good enough to start looking around. She didn't have far to look.
First she saw his legs, parted, near her thigh. Then she saw the long, black hair of a girl. Rene leaned a bit. The girl's head was bobbing somewhat as she lay very high up on his legs. She was fascinated, and suddenly very sexy. She al' lowed her eyes to look father up the man's body. His hands held the girl's head, his abdomen tense. He was looking sensually ... at Rene's breasts, not five inches from his open mouth. Rene felt her nipples sting to a point. She bent close to him, and he grabbed her hard, round breast into his mouth, and instantly began to groan. Then he began to bite down hard. Rene held his head, and he gripped her arm, very tightly, then harder. He groaned and turned his head in an agony that told Rene that he was in heaven. She felt wet, deep between her legs.
He took her nipples from his mouth and brought her face close. "Come up here, baby ... all the way up ... yeah, all the way...."
Rene moved higher to him, and she felt his hands open her thighs. He maneuvered her so that she was suddenly sitting on him!
"Move her over, Charlie," a voice called. "Here, back this way."
Rene felt herself being brought back, as the man beneath her began going at her hungrily. Oh, my God ... Oh ... she had never done this before! And it was fantastic. Just as she began to move on him, Rene felt her head caught in a tight grip, and being moved into position. And then her mouth was opened, and she was pushed down, nearly to the hilt. She grabbed a pair of hairy thighs for support and with the power between her legs bringing her to a fast peak, she moved harder and faster with her mouth.
"Hey, kid, that's swinging...."
Rene felt it then ... simultaneously. She wanted to scream in thrilled happiness, as over and over, she moved ecstatically. Oh, more, she moaned ... more!
The man pushed her face away now, and Rene dropped her hands to the floor. She was alone suddenly, on all fours. But only for a moment. She felt him come feverishly to her, his stomach and legs in tight; then he pierced deeply inside as Rene groaned with pleasure, and began to join his movements. A girl Rene did not know slipped beneath her and began taking Rene's nipple into her mouth. Rene felt as if she were going mad. Looking up, she saw a man lifting the girl's legs up high, directly toward ... her. The girl spread herself apart and the man brought Rene's head down to the undulating girl. Hands forced her deep to the girl, who moaned. Rene felt the man inside her rushing now, the girl beneath her moving against Rene's tongue. And again, with a swift, terrible shove, Rene felt herself reach the zenith; and she moaned and dug her teeth into the girl, over and over, in the identical rhythm of her man.
Then she lay on the floor, alone, breathing deeply. It had been two magnificent performances, and she had played a part in each, something she never had done or experienced before. She wondered if they all were spent, or, as she, just beginning to peak. She looked around, and saw a man and girl, just a few feet from her, their arms wrapped around one another, the girl on top. Fascinated, she turned to watch; she had never seen a couple doing it before.
The girl was on her knees, drawn up tight to him, her small breasts digging into his chest. They were kissing feverishly, as she bounced toward him quickly. His legs were stretched out flat, but his thighs moved to meet her. Rene felt a need again. Suddenly someone bent in behind the girl, also between the man's legs. Rene saw, open-mouthed, as he got close to her bouncing cheeks; she saw him touch her, heard her moans; and he balanced on his knees and pushed into her. The girl groaned, stopped kissing and threw her head back.
"Oh, my God," she sang, "Oh Jesus ... baby ... oh...."
Rene gaped as the girl's eyes rolled back in her head, and she stopped still. Both men continued moving to her now, madly, faster and faster. She remained still, her head back, her mouth open, in ecstasy. Rene felt a tremendous rush between her legs, a violent need ready and waiting. She knew now, how to get acquainted. She grabbed the man's arm and turned him to her.
"Hurry," she cried, "Hurry...."
He smiled, and mounted her, immediately reaching home as she moaned. He wrapped her legs around his rear and waist and began to plow deeply. He was good, Rene knew, and she savored his slow, steady pounding rhythm. He raised to his knees and Rene opened her eyes to see why. A small man grabbed her full breast and began suckling it. Then she felt her head turned around easily. A man brought her hands up, and gave it to her. She kissed him, but he pulled away.
"With your hands, honey, just your hands," he said hoarsely.
Rene was starting upward again as the steady push-pull became more rapid. The tugging at her nipples thrilled her. Her hands caressed, maneuvered, moved and gripped the moaning man above her. Then a girl kissed her mouth, their tongues meeting and dancing gaily.
"Let's not waste it, daddy-o," she said, taking it from Rene's hands. Rene watched as the girl stretched the man against a couch and sat on him, deftly taking him deep. Watching, Rene felt her man come home, hard, and splendidly, fully, splashing her completely. Oh, he was really the best, she moaned, gripping him now with her free hands.
And again, she was alone. She got up and walked across the room, breathing heavily, She needed a cigarette. She wondered where Stef was. She decided to go into one of the spare rooms, "Hey, whoever you are, welcome aboard," came a familiar voice. Rene tried to go, but a girl spoke, too. "Yeah, join us, will you?"
"Okay, I guess so," she said a bit slowly. "I was just going for a smoke."
"Smoke in here, Rene," the man's familiar voice came again. Deliberately, Rene lit her cigarette and came to the bed. In the glow of the cigarette, she saw him: Larry, from the train station and first dance.
"Hi, Larry," she said self consciously, wishing she hadn't come into the room.
"Rene, we're all buddies here, don't feel trapped, okay !" he said easily. "Come on to bed. You can just smoke if you want."
"Here, Rene," the girl said, "sit by me. This hound dog is extra horney tonight. I may need help."
Rene felt shocked; the girl was Betsy Parrish. Betsy saw her tense up, and smiled, stroking her arm. "It's all right, Rene, you know how I always dig these long, tall yokels. I didn't know you and Larry knew one another."
Rene felt better as the other two lit cigarettes. She had worried about Stef, because she thought Stef was the only one she knew in the club that she knew ... outside. She worried whether she and Stef might ... sort of ... bump into each other somewhere during a sexual flight in the big room. Now, there was Betsy, and Larry. She shrugged; what was that Stef had said? You meet friends here?
"I'm glad you joined the club, Rene," Betsy said.
"You're glad!" Larry almost yelled, and they all laughed.
"I was so self conscious, Betsy," Rene said, "you know, running into someone you know ... here."
"Only the best people are invited to join, Rene," Larry said genially. "And I don't mind telling you from the time we met, on that train station, I've been wanting to get, shall we say, closer to you and your...." he tweaked her nipple...."bosom pals hero."
"And you said you liked us tiny-mates," Betsy said feigning disappointment.
"Well," Larry said happily, "like the man says, here, you cai have your cake and eat it, too...."
Larry put out his smoke, and leaned to Rene. She still felt queasy, till Larry's mouth surrounded her nipple. He moaned and dug his teeth in and went at it, hard. Betsy watched, then moved in tight. She put out her cigarette and turned Larry on his side, and slipped close to him, throwing a leg over his.
"Larry, darling," she said softly. "Give it to me now."
Betsy took Larry and they began to move together. Rene felt terribly sexy suddenly. Larry put his hands between her legs and began to rub her. Rene leaned back, feeling sensational, her thighs completely wide now. Betsy turned to look.
"Rene," she said, "if you move down slightly...."
Rene assessed the position, seeing what Betsy was planning, and moved down. Betsy pushed Larry's hand away and kissed inside Rene's thigh. Soon, all three moved together, moaning and groaning in their ecstacies.
Rene stayed with Betsy and Larry for a while, all of them taking turns. Then they all went back into the big room and parted. Rene watched crazy pattern and positions for awhile, and joined in whenever the spirit moved her. The crowd got larger, and more schemes were planned out, and acted upon once all the ideas were put into play. As the night wore on, Rene saw that she was very popular, more so than any girl except one, a tall, thin girl with hardly any breasts.
Rene went into the rest room later, having just found the man who had been her best, and gone into a private room with him for an hour. He was again slow, but steady, huge inside her, and warm and outgoing as before. He was no freshman, she knew; perhaps he was a senior, because he was in no special hurry, and spent time pleasing her as she desired. Neither spoke much, and neither did anything other than straight love-making. Rene wanted to savor it alone, so she came into the lighted room.
The tall thin girl without breasts was there, smoking. She looked at Rene and smiled. "Hello, I'm Lila"Egen," she said, "Smoke?"
Rene took one and thanked the girl. She was fascinated to watch, cat-like in her movements, very nice in her manners. "Lila, I'm curious. If you don't mind, what's your secret?"
Lila still smiled, but she looked puzzled. "Secret? I don't know what you mean, Rene."
Rene wondered how to approach her. "I mean, you're the most popular girl here."
"Oh, that," Lila said. "Only a man would understand," she said mysteriously, and smoked quickly.
Rene was unsatisfied, but she could not press the issue. She looked at Lila. A very attractive girl, yes, but not a beauty. Tall, actually lanky, and almost breastless. A fair waist, jutting, bony hips, and thin, but shapely legs. Rene shook her head. Lila laughed aloud.
"I know what you're thinking, Rene: compared to that super body of yours, how come Lila Egan, the pole, gets them all, huh?"
Rene flushed. "I really didn't-"
"Oh, phooey, every girl asks the same thing. Okay, I'll show the answer to you. You're not squeamish are you? Okay, here, see if you can understand this." Lila put one foot on a stool. Rene bent to see. She had viewed herself many times in her mirror, and saw nothing apparnt. But suddenly. Lila closed, snapped like a trap. She put her foot down aedlhdngua She prt her foot down and laughed hard. Rene looked shocked.
"Rene's it's a natural phenomenon!. All the boys dig the locked-in effect. It's so tight, grabs them, you know."
"Oh," Rene understood. "I've been a fool again," she said. "I'm young, I guess. I can only see the surface of things."
"Forget it. I wish I had your body, now," Lila said, "for a hundred reasons. But a doctor told me, later on, I'll be glad I've got my gimmick. I won't loosen after having kids, probably never," she said.
Later Rene found herself lying beside Lila, twin brother atop them both. Lila winged to Rene, who returned it and smiled. Then, together, holding hands, they began getting the twins' messages, and felt each other's hands grip together as they climbed the mountain together. Then they lost each other in the crowd that now threatened to make sardines of them all.
Once more, Rene found the young man who had twice been her favorite lover. This time he reversed them. His mouth worked expertly as the rest of him, slow and steady, powerful because his partner was forced to join his rhythm. Rene's thighs clasped him in more than once, when she felt her cheeks being opened, and a man dig in hard and deep. The pain and the pleasure together made her own mouth give more. And then she saw it, the stranger advancing toward her lover's spread cheeks. Oh, no, she thought ... no! But he came on, and touched, and drove. Her lover jumped, then relaxed. Rene could not close her eyes, her mind disallowing it. She watched and worked, experienced the explosions below, until she saw the stranger jam now, forcing, harder, faster, deeper. And suddenly, her lover jerked, a signal for her. She worked harder ... and suddenly everything happened at once ... inside her, outside her ... everywhere. Rene felt faint, yet was too enthralled to faint. But she closed her eyes, a violent dream-like state passing over her.
It was almost four in the morning when Rene began walking home. Couples and single people went their separate ways. She was glad for the cool air, but she had no complaints. She wondered, in fact, if the other girls were as "lucky" as she, at this particular point in life. Pregnant, but in less than a week ... not pregnant.
She had no trouble assessing the evening. She had lost count of the number of orgasms she had experienced. No trembling anywhere, no frustrations, either, she smiled. Her nipples were soft, between her legs, tight, hurting a little. She took in a breath, and felt better than she had in months.
But there was tomorrow, and five more tomorrows after that. She wondered whether there wasn't some secret way she could hope to get through the ordeal. It was the price, she knew, but too, the whole thing was more than just that. It was a penance, something she had to go through to learn some kind of valuable lesson. Sex had meant freedom, but ruefully, Rene realized that her precious freedom had gotten her into the greatest trouble of her life. Perhaps, she wondered, had she taken too much freedom? Had she abused it? Or, and the thought felt like a hard slap across the face, wasn't this kind of life freedom at all?
What she had to do now, she knew, was look upon the whole week in this new light. It would help her get through it. The others could come and go as they pleased, as members of the club. They could do whatever they wanted, but more importantly, whenever they wanted. They could come to Mrs. Castle's or not; stay an hour and go home, or stay all night, however they felt. They, Rene saw, were free. But she, well, she had to be there, for one week, at least. That was not freedom.
I must be grateful, Rene said half aloud. If Mrs. Castle hadn't proposed this, how else could she get the abortion? It took the place of money ... I'm a prostitute! The thought filtered deep, but Rene knew she could only take so much. She must not thing like that. The club was one giant orgy, that was what to think about, if thinking was to be done at all.
It had been joyous, of course, till all her frustrations had been appeased; beyond that, it had been ... different, a strange sort of "fun", perhaps. And she had met some pretty nice people, none of them, naturally, trapped in the place. She had met some old pals, too ... Stef, Larry and Betsy ... well, that, too she had to figure as price.
Rene yawned as she reached Mrs. Begley's. She ached some, but a lot of good, restful sleep would cure most of that; hot baths, the rest. Twenty four hours, she counted, then the whole shebang all over again. The days would have to be busy, she knew: activity, school work, study ... and no thought of sex, that, for sure.
She flopped into bed, knowing sleep would come soon. Yes, she would have to be mechanical ... smile, be sexy, put out, appear to enjoy, all mechanically, like an old whore. But that was the way to get through the week, perhaps the only way ... till the day of the abortion.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The seven days and nights had taken its toll on Rene. The first few days, her nights gave her deep, dreamless sleep, the sleep of exhaustion. But the next several were virtually sleepless. Was it the impending abortion? Or, the intense, straining activity at the club? Now, the fateful day had arrived, and Rene was too tired to care which.
Mrs. Castle had telephoned her early, breaking up what had promised to be real sleep. She told Rene to dress simply, to take some aspirin, and to bring along changes of underclothing, along with sanitary napkins in abundance. This unerved Rene, and she shook often, sometimes hard enough to drop her cigarette.
Only Maria was awake, and she stood in Rene's doorway, watching. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked.
"No, Maria, thanks," Rene said, fumbling around. "I've just got to wait for Mrs. Castle, that's all." She had finally confided in Maria because she had to talk to someone ... just in friend, to respect the confidence.
Maria's own frustrations had been building for the week. Not only had she not slept with Rene, she tortured herself with all sorts of fantasies of Rene with other girls, and the men at the sex club. But Maria had mate good sense, and she knew that Rene had to have the abortion. Now, the day had arrived. Something had awakened her early. Something told her, Rene was going to need her today.
"Do you know when you'll be back?"
Rene shook her head. She was grateful for Maria. "No, but Mrs. Castle said I'd be in bed for a couple of days." She stopped stuffing her bag and stared out the window. Suddenly she rushed into Maria's arms, both of them, quietly sobbing. Then, the horn of Mrs. Castle's car sounded.
"I've got to go, Maria," Rene said, wiping her eyes. "Please try to be here when I get back?"
"Of course," Maria answered softly. "Good luck."
Mrs. Castle had the motor running as Rene got in the car and settled back. The car made the circle, and went through town. Very few people were out. It was deathly quiet everywhere. As they turned onto the highway, the morning dew shone on trees, bushes, even the road.
"We'll have to go a bit slower till it dries," Mrs. Castle said easily. She looked over at the almost inert girl next to her. "Rene, are you all right?"
"I guess so. Just nervous."
"That's understandable," the older woman replied. "But you needn't worry. In fact, you might be surprised when you, get there."
Rene's mind was too distraught to try figuring out Mrs. Castle's cryptic remarks. Nothing else was on her mind but the abortion. What would it be like? An operation? Would she be on an operating table? Would there be masks, anesthetic, pain? She fidgeted.
"Rene, I wanted to thank you for ... last week," Mrs. Castle said. "It proved not only profitable, but should continue to be. You know you're welcome anytime, and as often as you like."
"I wish I could say I enjoyed it, Mrs. Castle," Rene replied. "But it was ... so ... too much."
Mrs. Castle could imagine, from all reports she'd heard. She felt a bit badly having to extract her pound of flesh, but long ago she had learned, from bitter experience, the business had to be handled strictly so.
"Well, it's over, Rene. And this will be, too, in just a little while."
They rode on in silence, each with her own thoughts. Rene began to doze, what with the smooth riding. Mrs. Castle smiled as she noticed. Good, she thought, it would do the girl good to rest. In no time, they'd be driving back. Of course, Rene would not be in any frame of mind to relax or even to doze, probably, but the whole thing would be a thing of the past, and their bargain would have been completed.
Until the next time, Mrs. Castle told herself wryly. It was too bad, but that was the way it was. The good ones, popular, and good for the club's business, they were forever getting into one kind of trouble or other. Take that tall, skinny boy, Larry ... stealing from the stores as he did. Probably a disease, she told herself, but he always came crying for help. And that terribly stuffy girl, that cocky one, Stephanie Claus; how could she endure it, a pregnancy every year! .
Well, it was her gain, Mrs. Castle consoled herself. The pessadillos of today's youth always, somehow, found outlets, and she seemed to be the one they turned to. And she did help, of course. It was always a fair trade, they got their troubles solved, she got her ... problems taken care of, too. The club was doing splendidly, particularly with the addition of Rene Adams. The poor girl had come to Baines and immediately had become a sexual celebrity, not having any idea she was heading for a fall. Too bad. Yes and no. It could have been worse. Some kook could have injected her with heroin, like that Beasely girl three years ago. Rene could have tried for an abortion among the science students, and died ... like that girl a dozen years ago. Mrs. Castle didn't like to think of those things.
"Rene," she said gently, touching the girl's arm, "we're here."
Rene awakened with a start. Mrs. Castle was smiling at her. The car had stopped. They seemed to be in a woods somewhere outside of town. She yawned and looked around. Trees, a small lake, and the cabin. She stared at the cabin. A light came from a window. "Is ... that where...."
Mrs Castle nodded. "Yes, Rene. Just go on inside, don't bother to knock" Mrs. Castle was feeling especially good, it seemed. "As, I said, you're in for at least a small, but pleasant surprise. He'll be good for you, you'll see." Rene took a deep breath, and got out of the car. She felt chilled. Then she bent forward and looked at Mrs. Castle. "You'll be waiting for me?"
"Of course, dear. Now go ahead."
Rene walked slowly to the cabin. It felt like walking to her own execution. Her dream ... nightmare ... while dozing in the car had been about death, a horrible, terrifying death. That, too, she realized, was part of the price. But she had to hold on ... only another hour, at worst. She felt sore everywhere, especially between her legs.. Where he had to work, naturally, she said sarcastically. She wondered whether he was a doctor ... no, Mrs. Castle would have said so. But he was ... what was it she said? A scientist. Suddenly Rene stopped, just a few short steps from: the door. Mrs. Castle had said something about a pleasant surprise! Was it someone she knew?
She shuddered, and went inside the cabin. It was fully lighted, hardly medically seeming at all. It was a rugged place, with timber stanchions, wooden furniture and ... then she saw the table, white metal, shining clean. A box of strange instruments stood next to it, on a smaller table. Rene began to shiver, her nerves frazzled.
"Come in, Rene, take off your jacket."
Rene turned, her face a mask of horror, her mouth wide open. She stifled a scream. It was Dr. Dumas, standing there, just off to her left. She wanted to run off, fast, but he quietly closed the door and leaned back against it. v "Dr. Dumas...."
"Yes, Rene, it's me. I see that Mrs. Castle didn't tell you," he said. He wore a white smock over a business suit. His ever-present pipe dangled from his mouth. His eyes blazed; otherwise he was the kindly, straight-forward professor whom everyone at Baines liked, admired and respected.
Rene felt her heart gag into her throat. Dr. Dumas, the man she had insulted, abused, titillated, then forced away. So that was her "pleasant surprise"? She began to breathe hard. She was trapped, hopelessly trapped.
"Dr. Dumas...."
"My, aren't you tongue-tied today, Rene. Not like the last time we talked at all, is it?"
Rene felt the tears, but she tried desperately .to fight them back. "Oh, Dr. Dumas, I...."
"You're sorry? Is that what you want to say, Rene?"
She nodded furiously. Dumas laughed sardonically. "Really sorry? Oh, come now, Rene. Relax, my dear, here, sit down. You mustn't feel frightened, didn't Mrs. Castle tell you? I'm an expert at this sort of thing. I'm trained, you know."
Rene slid into a chair, never taking her eyes off Dumas.
"Yes, Rene, I've performed curettments thousands of times, in hospitals, and in ... shall we say other circumstances?"
Rene tried to light a cigarette, more for something to do. Her hands shook violently. Dumas walked over and calmly lit it for her. She took a drag, and coughed hard. Clutching her stomach, she let the tears come now.
Dumas pulled a chair over and sat directly opposite her. "You know, Rene, that night we ... talked? As I ran off, like a scared and frustrated schoolboy, I made a vow. Oh, not the empty vow of a schoolboy. A man's vow. Do you want to know what I vowed, Rene?"
Rene felt ill. She wanted to lie down on the floor. Dumas was staring at her, saying something she didn't want to hear. Dumbly she nodded.
"I made myself a promise, that outside of school, if you and I ever should meet ... well, Rene, to be honest, I had revenge in my heart."
"You wouldn't...." she shivered. "Hurt you? Of course not, child. Do you think even now, that I'm some sort of madman, a villian? Don't be childish, Rene. After all," he said offhandedly, "You could be a mother, you know."
Rene felt she had to talk, to try to get Dr. Dumas back on her side. "Please, Dr. Dumas, that night, some things had happened to me ... I didn't know what I was saying ... I thought."
"You thought I was a dirty old man, Rene, someone who was trying to make you, didn't you?"
She nodded, then changed her mind, and shook her head. "I don't know ... I never thought...."
"That is closer to the truth, Rene. Oh, I know about your troubles, then, and now. But they were self-made, no one's fault but yours. Yet, when you had to fight back, did you fight back at the people you lived with, made your life with? No, you took it out on me. And you know something, young lady? I was prepared to help you, to be your friend!"
Dumas stalked the floor, angry now. "Not like Lee Kruger was your friend, Rene," he spat at her, "not like your girl friends. Not even like ... Mrs. Castle." He leaned in closer, almost to Rene's fright-filled face. "I mean, friend ... no bargains, Rene, just good, old fashioned fatherly-type friendship."
Rene felt hysterical. What was he going to do to her?
"But you emptied your feelings on me," he said softer now. "And you taught me something, too. You laid me out naked, too, just like you did yourself, only I still had my clothes on! You made me think about my life ... consider my position more carefully ... inspect the life I was perpetrating on my lady friends. I thought, till that night, that I'd been a gentleman, but you taught me differently."
Rene wrung her hands in despair. In her heart, she prayed.
"You made me feel sordid, Rene, and perhaps you were right. I'm still not sure. But I am in doubt, and, you know? For a scientists being in doubt is sometimes worse than being either sure or knowing something is right or wrong. That, Rene, is what you did to me that night."
Rene shuddered more, feeling sick. "What can I do?" she begged.
"DO? Ah, yes, you are now in trouble, and you face the person who might help you. Therefore, it's only natural you try to make amends, correct? I thought so. But, Rene, my dear," he said, looking at her body now," you challenged my manhood that night ... and took away from me my means of proving it to you, remember?"
Rene remembered, now, all too vividly. She had stripped herself naked, tantalized and taunted the man with her fine breasts, her naked round buttocks, her legs, and, yes ... she had spread her thighs apart to him ... before calling him names, and chasing him away.
"It's ironical, isn't it? Today, once again, you've got to get naked with me ... you've got to spread yourself wide open." He laughed without mirth then. "But, with a difference, right Rene? Today we get down to the results of sex, rather its beginnings, don't we?"
"Please, Dr. Dumas ... don't...."
"Don't? Why you little bitch," he spat, "who do you think you are? Still the white sex goddess of Baines? The hope for us all here? Did you know that Mrs. Castle had to convince me to operate on you? I wanted you to suffer it through, Rene. But then I thought it over. I told her, in the interests of science ... Baines ... I would help you. I didn't tell her what you and I went through together, so she believed me. But do you know why I agreed to this?"
"You said you wouldn't...." Rene said hysterically.
"No, I won't ... kill you, Rene. I won't even fix it so you won't ever bear children. Oh, the job will be a good one, of that you can be certain for as long as you live. But, Rene, you and I are going to get even today ... tit for tat, so to speak."
"What do you mean?" I
"First of all, I am going to satisfy myself, as I was so sure I would have that night. Then, you will get your abortion. Fair enough?"
Rene thought of Dumas making love to her. She shrugged in the depths of degradation and despair. She had gone through hell to get here. What was one more incident? She nodded and hung her head.
"All right," he said quickly, "disrobe, hurry up."
Rene blindly took off her sweater and skirt. She slipped off her shoes and nylons, and looked up at Dumas who watched her carefully. She felt a curious strength rising inside her. Casually she removed her brassiere, and took a deep breath, fluffing up her full, hard breasts, touching her nipples so that they would stand and point at him. Dumas let out his breath. Then Rene stepped out of her panties, and posed.
"Delightful, Rene, as I remembered. As I conjured up night after night since." He took off his clothes, and Rene saw that he was indeed all man, larger, fuller than anyone she had seen before. He caressed her then, and she turned away her head. But his touch was surprisingly good, and she put her arms around his waist. They moved closer now, his hot breath in her ear.
His kisses were hard and good, and Rene thankfully felt herself responding. It would go quicker this way, she thought, touching him, soothing him along his naked thighs. Dumas warmed closer. They slumped to the floor near the fireplace, on a thick bear rug. Dumas kissed her body, enf laming her even more. The old man was fine, she admitted, practiced, an expert at this, too.
He touched her all over, and she wriggled despite herself. His mouth found her, and began tasting her hungrily. Rene held him close, preened him, caressed him. She felt the glow from deep inside. She was astounded as he moved closer; she wanted him ... really wanted him. As he beautifully brought her to her peak, she dug her nails into his neck, and moaned. It signaled him, and he mounted her.
And then he grabbed her cheeks and expertly maneuvered her higher to meet him. How, she wondered ... But suddenly he was there, inserting himself, without help. And he strode fully, deeply. Oh, she moaned, he was so big ... it was so wonderful, how neither of them had helped or guided it in. And now they were jammed together, squeezed deliciously close.
His rhythms were superb, she felt. He was a marvelous lover, smooth, calm, assured. They increased their actions, quicker, more fully, Dumas coming almost completely out of her ... then, jamming it smartly, deeply hoe again. The teasing tantalized her as nothing ever did before. She felt frightened he would go out ... not come back; and she felt grateful, wonderful, as he always came thrillingly back.
His hands probed between her cheeks and stimulated her, till, together, frantically, they reached for their summits. And they struck it then-over and over-quicker, hotly, pushing, pulling, gripping, grabbing. Rene moaned it was so marvelous, and so long-It seemed she'd never come down as he clutched, guided, circled her.
Dr. Dumas got up and washed himself, as Rene still lay there, savoring it all. He turned to her, infinitely more calm now. "I'm no fool, Rene, and not a bit modest. That, was what you missed that night."
She was only slightly off her mountain as she heard him. He was right. He could afford to exult. Dr. Dumas was by far the finest she had ever experienced.
Suddenly he was dressed, and all business. "Get up on the table, Rene, now."
Brought back to reality, Rene obeyed, the old fright quickly returning. Dumas strapped her arms in, and she felt the sweat beginning. He clamped her legs, high, and far apart. Then he went for his instruments.
"Dr. Dumas," she hissed, "aren't you going to give me something?"
"No anesthetic, Rene," he said firmly, "not for you."
"But-"
"Shut up," he snapped, "I've got to concentrate-"
"But, I'll scream-"
"Go ahead-nobody's around-"
He swabbed her with a medicinal smelling liquid, and she jumped at its coolness. Then she felt an icy metal touch her, move inside. She bit her lip. I mustn't scream, she said, I mustn't-
But Rene did scream-more than once-she thought she was going to die-
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
A week later, Rene stood once again on the Baines train station platform. Her bags stood beside her. She looked blankly around her as she waited for the train to Ebli. Her face was set.
She was all right, yet she knew she would never be the same. Her nightmares had diminished, and all pain was gone. She was tender, and terribly tired and weak. And she was totally alone.
She knew she had lost a lot Of blood. Dr. Dumas had packed her tightly and she had difficulty walking for a few days. But, then she had gone directly to bed, and hadn't stirred for forty-eight hours anyway.
Mrs. Castle was pale when Rene stumbled to the car. She had had to endure the girl's screams, not knowing why Dumas had not used anesthetics. They rode back in silence.
At Mrs. Bagley's, Rene slowly mounted the stairs as the other girls watched in horror, scared to help Rene. Maria had cried oif seeing Rene's set, pale, drained face. She had helped Rene to bed, and stayed with her. But Rene refused to eat or say a word.
Somehow the week had gone by. No one disturbed Rene, and except for Maria, no one spoke to her. Her finals had come back, she had passed them all right. Upcoming was mid-semester week. She could stay at Mrs. Bagley's, move to another house, go to a hospital, join Maria at her folks' place, or go home to Ebli. She did not have to come back to Baines if she didn't want to. She had lasted the semester; in fact, had triumphed, with Maria's help.
Now, standing on the platform, awaiting her train, she knew that she would have to make a choice. Yes, she could come back, but to what? Mrs. Castle had told her she could join the club anytime she wished. Dr. Dumas would be nothing more ever again, than an instructor to her. The girls, in time, would welcome her into their confidences again. Mrs. Bagley, too, would forgive, if not forget. Lee Kruger was gone, having received a scholarship to an eastern school. Doug Makin was going to get his degree. Maria-yes, there would always be Maria, loving, needy, dependable Maria.
Rene realized that she could "turn over a new leaf," get a fresh start with the new semester, but that would be defeating unto itself. She knew; she couldn't be a prude, a non-joiner, a non-dater. She believed she could cut the Baines curriculum if she applied herself, but what about off-campus? She couldn't become another Maria, in any way. And she didn't any longer want Maria's favors.
The other prospects? Ebli? Nothing there would change because it was in Rene's power. She had already made up her mind not to tell her parents or anyone else about Baines. Now she understood Marge. Marge, whom she had pitied and scorned-Marge, who got out, at least, with a husband and a baby.
Rene was confused about her values now. Everything she had once considered wrong, square-seemed suddenly to be so right. Go home? To what there? No, nothing, and nobody would change there, either. There, everyone, had it cut and dried, they knew what they wanted.
Then she saw Hal and a stranger. They walked over. Hal smiled, and ran an approving eye over Rene's body. Six months ago when he had done the same thing; she'd been thrilled and delighted. Today, all she could manage was a weak smile.
"Hi, Rene, going home for the mid-week?"
"Yes, Hal," she said softly. Apparently he was among the few who either didn't know her story, or didn't care. She hadn't seen him much, aside from the rush dance, since they had met here on this same train platform.
"Yeah, you got to once in a while. Me, I'm going upstate with Jim, here. Say, you two don't know each other, do you?"
Rene looked at Jim. She wasn't sure, but he seemed familiar. She was too weak to try remembering. "Hi, Jim, nice to meet you,"
"I guess you don't remember me, Rene," he said, smiling evenly. "Hal," he said, turning to his partner, "did you get the bags? Hal winked and walked away. Jim turned back to Rene. "I would have sworn you'd remember," he said. "That first night you joined Mrs. Castle's little club?"
Rene winced and looked at Jim. He was tall, solidly built, handsome. Yes, from somewhere back in the recesses of her mind, she recalled him. "I'm not sure, but I-I think so-"
"You said I was the best you'd ever had," he said bluntly.
Now she remembered, the slow, steady man With whom she'd been three times that first night. Everything afterward, she had blotted from her mind. "I remember now, Jim," she said. She did not want to continue the discussion. She turned away. And Hal returned.
"Here comes the train, Rene," Hal said. "We've got to wait for the one going the other way."
The train pulled in, and ground to a stop. Several young people got off, to be greeted by a few people waiting. Hal and Jim took Rene's bags and put them inside a car door.
"It'll take off in a couple minutes, Rene," Hal said. "Hey, you're not sick or anything, are you?"
"No," she tried to laugh, "just tired. And, kind of anxious to get-home."
Jim lit a Cigarette. "You are coming back to Baines, aren't you, Rene?" She turned to him, but suddenly looked beyond him. Hal and Jim turned to see what she was looking at. A tall, beautiful red-haired girl had alighted, all alone. She walked slowly to the tall Baines sign and stared at it a couple of minutes. Jim and Hal exchanged glances and approving nods. The girl had a superb figure, Rene noticed, full breasts, a small waist and wonderful legs. The two college men stared and appraised her, as Hal and Larry had done so very long ago, Rene.
Rene found tears in her eyes. She wished she knew the girl, wished she could tell her-warn her-Then Rene wondered what she could tell her, 'or anyone. No, this girl would have to live life, just as she had had to, because people were no different regardless of age: they just had to find out for themselves. But Rene still wished she could do something for her, say something to her.
"Jim, we've still got a minute, let's welcome Miss Gorgeous Body over there," Hal said excitedly.
Jim turned back to Rene. "Rene, I hope you'll come back to Baines. Really."
Rene looked at him. He looked like a nice guy, and he was a fine lover, too. Where had he been all semester? If she wanted to know, she would have to come back, she knew. "I'll see, Jim, I'll know after being home a week," she replied.
"Have a good trip, kid," he said, waving. "Take it easy, Rene," Hal called.
The train began to ease out, and Rene stood on the step as long as she could. She watched Hal and Jim go over to the girl, and start a conversation. She saw the girl blush a bit, then laugh with them. She saw Hal take her bags inside the station, and Jim take her arm. Then Rene went inside and found her seat.
Watching the rolling countryside pass quickly, Rene wondered about the contents of the new girl's bags-snap-on bras-Bikini panties-panty girdles with crotch pieces-I went away from home-a young girl, Rene said to herself. Yet, I thought I was a queen. Now, look at me-in six short months. A tarnished metallic girl, a Baines girl. No, she admitted, not a girl, not anymore. A woman. Smarter, she hoped, but a grown woman. Certainly a sadder woman, but a wiser one? Only time, she knew, would reveal that secret. "I've been pregnant," she said aloud. But not anymore, she said. A bad feeling came over her. No, she snapped herself out of it. I've got to go home-up, not down. If I am a woman, I've got to swallow some things, bury them forever. I'm not going home with my tail between my legs, she vowed. Whatever I do, however I decide, to stay there, or come back to Baines-it'll be a woman's carefully thought-out decision, not a deal made out of weakness, but out of strength.
Rene lay her head back, and sighed. Don't bother trying to decide anything now, she told herself. You're a small-town girl, no matter what you become later. Make that good, turn that into an advantage-don't let it become a liability.
Rene closed her eyes, felt herself falling off to sleep. The chug-chug of the train was her lullaby. Her mind was clear, now. She felt-free.
