We live in groups, in a number of groups. This is something which happens to us through the chance of birth and environment. We have little choice about it. We cannot change our heritage and by the time we are old enough to make a change our habits and our drives are pretty well conditioned. "If we do make a choice it is usually not radical. In general, we are born and we grow up and live within the borders of our own conditioning. And we are rather satisfied by the way things work. We might want more money, we might be aware of a hundred vague desires which might be impossible, but this is not inconsistent with our acceptance of life, as it is. Hopes, dreams, desires-these are a part of the beauty about us. They are like the stars of. the sky. If they are unobtainable we still enjoy looking at them.
Joe Banning, who was seventeen, was a member of four main groups. One was his family group. This consisted of him, his mother and father, an older sister, and an assortment of uncles, aunts-, nephews and nieces. He also belonged to a neighborhood group, the people who lived in the same block and, to some extent, shared the same fortunes-a low-income group, Negro and white, Jewish, Catholic or non-belivers, a quite heterogeneous collection of people bound together by their proximity to each other.
He belonged to a school group, but this was summer and school was closed, and right now his relationships there were rather tenuous.
He belonged to a work group, for he was one of the fortunate teen-age youths who had a job. It was not much of a job, but it gave him a little money, it occupied his time, and it gave him a certain sense of responsibility.
Joe was a tall, thin young man, with tousled red hair, a freckled face, and deep blue eyes. He was fairly strong. His school record was not exceptional but at least there were no marks against him. And he had no police record. In this part of the city, a good many kids had police records before they were seventeen. At Peel's Drugstore, where he was employed, he was listed as a delivery boy. He delivered, and he did a number of other things. The other things were usually the dirty jobs, the cleanup jobs that someone had to do, so he did them.
The group at Peel's Drugstore included Arthur Morrell, who owned the place; Howard Kendrick, the pharmacist; Carter Harris, who handled the fountain-he called himself the Soda King-and Sue Dorchester, the cashier-clerk, who was really something. Joe was at the very bottom of the ladder.
He was supposed to get to work by noon. He had an hour off for supper. Then he worked until they locked the doors at nine and afterward he had to sweep up, clean up for the next day. Mr. Morrell stayed until he finished, or if he couldn't stay Mr. Kendrick stayed. Now and then, Sue Dorchester worked late. Once when she had stayed, and Mr. Kendrick had stayed too, they disappeared into the small storage room and were there for twenty minutes. There was a light in the front of the storage room and there was a light behind the three-quarter partition, but they turned them off. Joe took one look in that direction, then listened at the door. He heard low voices, but no words. Then he couldn't hear anything, but he could imagine what was happening. Just thinking about that made him a little excited. He would have liked to have taken Mr. Kendrick's place, and he could have. One afternoon when Sue had noticed him ogling her breasts she had said, "Careful, infant. They're not for you." He could have disputed that with her. He was much more of a man than she realized.
In the rear of the store was the supply room, but down the side of it was the corridor to the washroom. This was reserved for the employees; it was not for the customers. Actually, the washroom used one corner of the supply room. Opposite was a rear door to the side street, but it was kept barred.
Following the evening daring which Mr. Kendrick and Sue had disported themselves in the back part of the supply room-if that was what happened-Joe had examined the walls of the washroom. The partitions were thin. It occurred to him that it might be possible to bore a hole through the plaster, a hole through which he could view the back part of the supply room. He made the hole high on the wall, so it wouldn't be noticed. It was a successful operation, but to use it he had to stand on the toilet seat.
Of course, after he set up his peephole, nothing happened. As far as he could tell, Sue and Mr. Kendrick made no more trips to the rear of the supply room. But one night, finally, Sue worked after hours while Mr. Morrell was there, and shortly after locking up the store, Sue and Mr. Morrell wandered into the supply room. This amazed him. Sue and Mr. Kendrick had some kind of understanding. He could sense that from their attitudes toward each other. But that wasn't true of Sue and Mr. Morrell. Mr. Morrell wasn't friendly with anyone.
Joe worked steadily for several minutes after Sue and Mr. Morrell disappeared. He expected they would reappear, but they didn't. Then, just on the chance something might be happening in the supply room, he hurried back to the washroom as quietly as possible, climbed up to his vantage point, and took a look through his peephole.
He almost gasped out loud.
Something was happening in the rear of the supply room. The back light was off, but the light in front was bright enough to disclose what Sue and Mr. Morrell were doing. They had wasted little time. Sue was down on the floor, her dress pushed up. Her panties were off, too, and had been tossed to the side. At least, he thought that was Sue. He couldn't see much of her. Mr. Morrell was obscuring his view, and Mr. Morrell was breathing loudly.
Joe ran out of breath just watching. Mr. Morrell kept working at his pleasant task, then he stopped and rested for a moment. After that he got up, and in the process he rearranged his clothing. But Joe was hardly aware of that. All his attention was on Sue, and he saw plenty. Her legs were fat up above the knees, really fat. , She got up, found her panties, put them on and dropped her dress. Then she adjusted her neckline. She always wore her dresses low, but this one was especially low tonight, after this exercise. Her boobs were almost out.
Mr. Morrell said something to her and she answered, but Joe couldn't pick up the words. He decided, too, that it was time to get out to the front before Sue and Mr. Morrell left the supply room. He stepped down carefully from his perch and tiptoed to the front of the store. He was still sweeping up when Sue and Mr. Morrell reappeared.
"Not finished yet?" Mr. Morrell said, and he scowled.
"I'm almost finished," Joe replied.
He took a look at Sue, and she didn't look any different than usual. She scarcely glanced at him. She rarely did.
"Come on. Hurry it up," Mr. Morrell said. He hurried.
"I think I'll leave," Sue said. "Will you let me out the front door, Mr. Morrell?"
"Surely, Miss Dorchester," Mr. Morrell said.
Joe smiled to himself. Right now they were being very formal. A few minutes ago they had been considerably less stilted. It occurred to him that there was a lesson in this-never to be too trustful, never to be sure of the obvious.
There was a gang which hung around the store, and on the corner. They were mostly kids he knew from school, boys and girls. Some liked the same things, some didn't. Some were members of the gang because it gave them some place to go. This was a loosely knit group. Nothing, really, held it together.
Joe knew most of the kids in the gang. He could have belonged, and he did, after work. But not during working hours. During working hours he was an employee of Peel's. The gang was made up of kids with nothing much to do. They met at the fountain in the drug store and had Cokes. Or they met outside on the corner. They talked, did a little boasting, drifted away or came back. This wasn't a tough gang. There was one in the neighborhood, though. In fact there were several. Some of the fellows belonged, and some of the girls. But the gang on the corner was much different.
Joe got along all right with most of these people. One or two of the guys he didn't like. Several of the girls interested him. In fact, one interested him above all the others, Noel Traubert. She was tall, thin, wiry. She had sandy hair and green eyes. Breasts, too. He could notice them pushing out at her blouse. She was a rather quiet person, and she was usually with Debby Roth, who was an entirely different kind of person, vivacious, loud, a brown-haired, sultry character who could be had. At least that was the rumor. Maybe Noel was available, too. But he didn't think so. He hadn't had any luck with either one.
This was one of his deep secrets. He had never had a girl in his life. That is, he had never been able to go all the way. He had done a lot of loving, necking. A good many times he had gotten his hand past the breast vantage point, but that had been his limit. He never admitted that. He could boast and lie with everyone else. The awful truth, however, was this: he was still a virgin at seventeen! This was horrible.
Nearly every day he had to make deliveries. Sometimes there were only two or three. There could be as many as a dozen. These would range from prescriptions to a package of ice cream for someone who couldn't get out. On occasion he picked up a tip, fifteen cents or a quarter. Usually he got nothing. He figured if he got anything as a tip he was lucky. People in this part of the city didn't have much money. If they had, they wouldn't have been there.
He made deliveries when they were telephoned in. A request for a delivery seemed to imply an emergency, but this was rarely true. There were times when he was supposed to make a delivery after a certain time, or before a certain time. Definitely, never under any circumstances, was he supposed to enter anyone's room or apartment. This was supposed to be an inflexible rule. He was supposed to make all deliveries at the door.
Joe Banning didn't always keep this rule.
Late one afternoon in July he returned from a delivery, and in front of the drug store he saw Noel Traubert. She was just standing there, looking the other way, her back toward him. Some of the others of the gang were standing nearby, but he particularly noticed her. She was in short khaki pants, a blouse, and thongs. Her legs were nicely tanned.
He came up behind her, poked her at the bra line, and said, "Hi, there."
She jerked around as though his finger was electrified, then she said, "Oh, it's you."
"What's wrong with me being me?" Joe asked.
"It just don't mean much."
He ignored her words. "You going to be around tonight?"
"I'll be around somewhere," Noel said. "But who knows where that is."
"Thought we might go to the movies," Joe said.
"Yeah? You got that much money?"
"Sure. I'm one of the employed," Joe said.
"One of the employed?" said another voice. "You mean he's one of the finks."
It was Hugo Tennyson who had said that. He was one of the gang. A fink was anything unpleasant. In Joe's eyes, Hugo was a fink and always had been. But he was big for seventeen and tough, and he would be hard to handle.
Joe looked at him, and looked away. He spoke again to Noel. "If you've got to hang around somewhere, hang around here. Be seeing you."
He moved on, entered the store, and he didn't know whether he had made a date or not. At quitting time Noel might be in front of the store or she might not. If she was there, they might go to a movie. He had the necessary money.
What he wanted was not a movie. What he wanted he didn't know how to set up. That involved a certain amount of privacy. Ever since he had watched Sue and Mr. Morrell through the peephole, one scene had been driving him crazy. Toward the end, Mr. Morrell had climbed to his feet and had stepped to the side. That had allowed Joe a full view of Sue Dorchester, flat on the floor, feet pointed his way, dress pushed up, panties off, her legs still moving. He still got sweaty when he thought about that. He got even more excited when his imagination put Noel in the same position. He could do that mentally. He could imagine her in the same position as Sue but only in his mind, and that wasn't enough.
No, he wasn't interested in a movie. He wanted Noel. He didn't know how to manage that, but taking her to a movie might help.
Sometimes things just don't work out right. Just before closing time two telephone calls came in. Each was an order, and in each instance the person making the order insisted that this was an emergency. The orders had to be delivered immediately.
Mr. Morrell and Mr. Kendrick set up the two orders, then Mr. Morrell called Joe, and handed him the two orders. "Sorry it's so late," he said gruffly, "but these two orders have to be delivered. Maybe you can come in early in the morning, and do the sweeping."
Joe looked at the two orders. They were in opposite directions and four or five blocks away. Even if he hurried to one, then to the other, he might not get back until nine-thirty. Nine was closing time. He had asked Noel to meet him outside, in front of the drug store but now he couldn't possibly make it. Noel might wait for him for a few minutes but she wouldn't wait half an hour. To be quite honest, she might not come at all, but since he couldn't be here anyhow, he had no chance at all. His spirits hit the bottom but this was a rather familiar feeling. He had never been very lucky.
"Well...." Mr. Morrell said, and he sounded impatient.
"I'm supposed to get off at nine," Joe muttered.
"When you take on a responsibility, you shoulder it," Mr. Morrell said. "If you want to get ahead in the world, you do what the job requires. That is something you must learn."
Joe had heard that before. Mr. Morrell was a great moralist. He knew all the trite things to say about work, and industry, and honesty, and devotion, and Joe wondered if the man would keep Sue after hours tonight and take her to the back part of the supply room. He probably would. This was a good chance for another tumble.
"Did you hear me, Joe?" Mr. Morrell said.
"Yes sir. I heard you," Joe said. And he took the two small packages.
"Be careful with the money," Mr. Morrell said.
"I'll be careful with it."
He turned away, headed for the door, and as he passed Sue he made a wry comment. "The joint's yours."
"Good night, infant," Sue answered.
He went outside. It was a warm, clear night. Some of the gang were around but he didn't see Noel and it was ten to nine. If she had been there, he could have explained why he had to leave. He could have left a message with someone else, but a guy didn't advertise his dates. Besides, you shouldn't make a date seem important. All he could do was hurry off, make his deliveries, and then hurry back. There was a vague chance Noel would be here when he got back.
He picked one of the addresses and headed that way. It was one of the new apartment buildings, not a ritzy place but nice. And it had elevators. He didn't have to climb the stairs.
He reached the proper apartment, tang the buzzer, and as he waited, he noticed the name on the package. Mrs. Olga Parkington. It sounded important. And important people, or people who wanted to be considered important sometimes came up with a tip. He could always absorb a tip.
The door opened and the moment he saw Olga Parkington he gave up any idea of a tip. The woman was Short, dumpy, and not at all attractive even though she was wearing a red, silky negligee. Her hair was gray and frizzy and she was wearing too much lipstick, too much rouge, and too much perfume. She had a cackling voice. "Oh, you're the young man from the drug store. I'm so glad you came. How much is it?"
He looked down at the package, read the price. "It's one fifty, Mrs. Parkington."
"One fifty, I'm surprised. But come on in. I'll see if I can find my purse."
"I'll just wait here," Joe answered.
"Nonsense." She waved her hand. "Come on in and sit down somewhere. I declare I don't know what I've done with my purse. But it has to be around here somewhere."
She looked at him curiously. "You're not afraid to come in?"
"It isn't that, ma'am. I'm just not supposed to go in anyone's apartment. It's sort of a regulation."
"A silly regulation," the woman said. "But if you wait there I'll see if I can hurry."
She scurried from the room, probably to the bedroom, and Joe waited. He thought, bitterly: This is what I should have expected. Anything to delay me and keep me from getting back to Noel. This woman can't find her purse. The next one will most likely want to argue about the charges.
He waited another minute, and another, and finally the woman reappeared, but she hadn't found her purse. She seemed quite flustered. "I just don't know what to do, young man. I know I haven't lost my purse. It's here in the apartment somewhere. I know it is. Why do you have to wait out there in the hall? You would be much more comfortable in here."
Joe made a quick decision. Maybe it wasn't a good decision, but he wasn't going to stand here all night. He still had to make another delivery.
He held the package up. "I have one more package to be delivered, Mrs. Partington. While you're hunting for your money I'll take care of this order. I can come back later."
She beamed, nodded. "Splendid, young man. I'm sure I'll find my purse before you come back. Don't be too long."
"No, ma'am."
He swung away, hurried to the elevator. He wasn't going to wait here forever. And he wouldn't be back tonight. Instead, he would stop in the morning, before noon. He was taking a chance, he knew. Tomorrow the woman might declare she had paid him. People did things like that. He might have to put up the dollar and a half himself, but he couldn't be expected to wait here forever.
He hurried to the second address. It was in another elevator building, new and modern. The name attached to the address was Mrs. Serena O'Bannion. That last name was as Irish as possible, but it was a married name. The first name, Serena, didn't tell him anything. And he really wasn't interested. He only hoped that Mrs. Serena O'Bannion hadn't lost her purse.
He rang the buzzer on her door and waited. He gupled when the door was opened. The woman standing there was more than an eyeful. Tall, slender, young and beautiful, she was in the shortest of shorts. Above a bare midriff was a scanty halter. The material could hardly contain her breasts. They seemed about to spill over the top.
Her skin was nicely tanned and he could see a lot of that. Her face, at a single glance, was beautiful with full, wide lips, deep blue eyes, and above her forehead a wealth of blonde hair.
Joe tried to see everything at once. He gulped again, holding the package. He stammered, "I-I . .
The woman laughed. It had a musical sound. Then she spoke. "You must be from the drug store-and those things in the package must be for me. Am I right?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Come on in," the woman said. "I want to check things."
Joe forgot he wasn't supposed to enter anyone's apartment. He stepped inside, gave the woman the package., "Close the door," the woman said. "Then come on in here."
Joe closed the door and as the woman left the small foyer he couldn't help noticing the way she walked. That was nothing new. Sue walked that way. Lots of other women did, swaying their hips. But the way this woman did that was unusual. And exciting. Joe followed her into the parlor. He didn't want to miss any of this.
The woman stopped. She was looking at the package. After a moment she said, "Eight fifty. Is that right?"
"Yes ma'am," Joe answered.
She looked around. "I don't like being called ma'am. It makes me sound too old. I'll bet I'm not much older than you. How old are you?"
Joe added a year. "Eighteen, ma'...."
She smiled. "Well, I am a little older than that. But not too much. Umm, I wonder...."
She was looking at him, looking him up and down. His blood was already pumping hard enough. Now his heart was really pounding.
She spoke again. "I wonder if you can do something for me? I'd have to be able to trust you."
"I'll do anything," Joe answered and he gulped for the third time. He meant what he had said. He had forgotten about wanting to hurry back to the corner, to see if Noel was there. He was wholly at the command of this gorgeous creature who had caught his attention.
She made a sound in her throat. "Umm, I'll think about that for a moment. Wait there until I call you."
She made her smile even more dazzling, turned down a corridor and left the room.
Joe took a deep breath. He wanted that to be a steadying breath but he couldn't feel its' effects. He felt hot and cold in turn. He was vaguely aware of the fact that he shouldn't be here. He should collect the eight fifty, and leave promptly, but if this woman asked him to do something, he would risk anything. What was that she had said, just as she left? "Wait here until I call you!" He took another deep breath.
Another thought crossed his mind. This woman's name was Mrs. Serena O'Bannion. That implied a husband who might be around somewhere. Or who might walk in. He ought to remember that, but he wasn't sure he could.
Her voice, floating down the corridor, startled him. "Can you come here for a moment?"
Could he? You bet he could. He headed for the corridor, and down the dark corridor he saw a lighted doorway. The light wasn't very bright, but that must be the place from which the woman had called.
The room was a dimly lighted bedroom.
The woman was sitting on the bed.
She spoke to him as he appeared. "What's your name?"
"Joe Banning."
"All right, Joe. My name's Serena. You don't mind this, do you?"
He shook his head. "No."
"Then come on over here. You can't rub my back from the doorway."
"Rub your back?"
"Oh, that's right. I didn't say what I wanted. My back is hurting and Oliver isn't here. Oliver is my husband. If he was here he would rub that, but he is in Chicago. He can't rub my back from there, can he? That's why I need you."
"I don't know much about backs," Joe said.
"There's really nothing to this," Serena said. "I can tell you what to do but you'll have to walk over here."
He started toward her and he knew his face was red, and that he was short of breath, but he couldn't help that. He was going to rub Serena's back. She would be lying on the bed, and he would be with her-and his imagination was running away.
She got onto the middle of the bed and lay there on her stomach. She had been wearing sandals but she had kicked them off. She was still wearing a halter, shorts, and light panties underneath. That wasn't very much.
She spoke to him as he reached the bed. "Sit down, Joe. Don't be bashful. This is going to make me feel wonderful. There is a jar of cold cream right here on the bed, near my head. Put some on your hands, then start rubbing. But first, maybe, you ought to unbutton the halter and move the bands out of the way."
"I ... I'm not sure how well I'll do this," Joe said.
"You'll do fine," Serena said.
He leaned toward her, unbuttoned the back strap of the halter, pushed that aside, and now, looking down, he could see the rounded edges of her breasts. Her skin, right there, was very white.
He gulped. This was gulp number four, or maybe there had been more. He told himself, Don't look. Just don't. If you do....
He didn't finish the thought. Instead he reached for the cold cream, put some on his fingers, and started rubbing Serena's back.
He rubbed and rubbed, not hard, but gently.
He rubbed all the way up to her shoulders and all the way down to the top of her shorts.
He rubbed over the sides, getting close to the edges of her breasts.
Her skin was warm, smooth, and finely grained. There was a nice dip at the waist and when he felt over the sides he could have measured her ribs. Her neck wasn't very long, but thin, and her shoulders seemed thin.
After a long time, the woman spoke. "I'm almost asleep, Joe. Are you tired?"
He could laugh now. He was a little steadier. "No, I'm not tired."
"This has been wonderful."
"I'm glad."
"I wonder...."
"What?"
"Do you really mean that-that you're not tired?"
"No. I'm not tired."
"If I turn over-I think I will."
She rolled away and moved back, and in the process she pushed aside the halter which had already been unbuttoned. This left her bare to the waist, exposed her breasts, and all Joe could do was look at them.
A moment ago he had felt steadier, but that period was gone. His breathing picked up, Ins blood pounded harder and he felt shaky all over. Now was the time for another gulp.
Serena was looking at him. He could feel her looking at him, then he heard her low laugh and heard her voice. "They're just breasts, Joe. They're nothing special."
"I think they are," Joe said, and he blinked nervously. "I think they're very special."
"Why, thank you, Joe."
He could look nowhere else but at the white mounds, beautifully round but dipping just a bit around the darkened nipples. Small, wrinkled nipples, and with dark circles around them.
Serena spoke again. "You're not through, are you? I like to be rubbed."
"But...."
"Do they bother you-my breasts?"
"They take up a lot of room."
She laughed again. "Don't be afraid of them. They don't bite. Here, give me your hand."
She reached for one of his hands, moved that to her breasts, and pressed the palm firmly over one of the mounds. That was enough to start him. The hand, of itself, made a circular motion. His palm drummed over one of the nipples.
"Umm-very good," Serena said.
He looked at her face. "Do you know what I'm going to do?"
Her eyes were steady. "I think so."
"I'm going to kiss you."
"It's about time."
"You expected me to?"
"Certainly I did. I thought you would rub my body and if you liked me, you wouldn't stop there. Why should you?"
"You mean...."
"Aren't you going to kiss me?"
Her arms were reaching toward him as she was speaking and maybe she pulled his head down, or maybe he got down there himself. Whatever the motive force, he found his lips right at hers, and she held him there for a long, stirring kiss. At the same time he was fumbling with her breasts and those nipples seemed to have lifted up to stand much higher.
He drew away and looked at her, but her eyes were closed. And he said, "My clothes-you don't mind...."
"Get rid of them," Serena answered. "Get rid of them quickly."
He did. He had never undressed any faster, and all the time there was a song in his head. That's going to happen tonight. That's going to happen in just a few minutes. A real tumble. The first one of his life. And what a prize he had picked. No awkward school girl-not one of the hags who walked the streets. Here was a real princess.
His clothes were gone and he was on the bed with her. He was kissing her again, one hand again at her soft, warm flesh against his corded muscles. He hadn't noticed that happening, but while he had been stripping off his clothes she had slipped out of her shorts and panties, which was wonderful. He felt along her body and there was nothing to stop him now.
She was just as good about that as he was. Both of her hands were where they belonged and she used both hands to guide him.
There was no problem at all. Her arms were around his shoulders, holding him steady. He needed that. That body of hers kept moving, swinging, swaying, stirring him to a higher level than he had ever reached.
Then when he was right at the top and he wanted to hold back, he couldn't, so he let go, and what a moment! What a grand moment!
That must have hit her the same way, and almost at the same time. Her arms tightened and she held herself against him as though trying to hold him forever. She was breathing fast but so was he.
This was all right, this was wonderful.
He was going to want a lot more of this.
What a great thing this was to be alive and not to be alone.
He waited as she grew quiet, and her breathing slowed as she relaxed. She had dropped her arms and now, as she moved slightly to the side, he rolled away and stretched out beside her.
After a time she spoke. "That was very fine, Joe. I hope you are not angry."
"Angry?" He was surprised. "Why should I be angry? "
"At being seduced."
He smiled. "Was that what happened?"
"Certainly that was. I called you into the bedroom, got you onto the bed, and then got you interested."
"So I was seduced."
"Definitely."
He laughed. "I could take more of that."
"Umm. Do you have to go somewhere?"
"Not for a long time."
"Then that'll probably happen again. And maybe again. I am a demanding woman."
"I'm a demanding man."
"Yes you are."
He could smile to himself. This was the first time he had ever had a woman, and if she didn't know, then he must have really been good. He said to himself, Go to the head of the class, Joe. Maybe you're not the best man in town, but you're right at the top, and never doubt that. You'll even do better as time goes on. Noel? Sure, he'd take her as soon as he could, but here was what he wanted. Women like Serena. Or Sue.
He laughed, and turned, and put one hand to Serena's breasts. Then he raised up a little and looked at the full length of her body. Yes, she was all right.
"What's the rush?" Serena asked. "You're not ready yet."
"How do you know?"
"Then I'm not ready."
"When do I have to go home?"
"That's up to you. Oliver won't get home until tomorrow afternoon."
"I hope you're sure about that."
"I am."
"Can I see you again?"
"You had better. If you don't, I'll send after you and when I get you, I'll punish you."
"How?"
"I'll tease you. I'll make you beg, then I'll say no."
"You wouldn't be like that."
"But I will."
He leaned back and took her into his arms, and even though she was older than he was, way up in the twenties, he was big enough to hold her and make her seem smaller and like someone who belonged to him. That was great to feel that way.
He laughed, but not out loud. He was no longer a neophyte in the world of love. He had grown up quickly. He had done so with a top woman. Some of the gang might have had more experience, but he doubted if any had reached a place like this. Here was a real woman, one he could boast about.
He would lie here, give her a little more time to rest, then move at her with deft, sure movements. He would get her wild with his kissing, and with his caressing of her breasts. He would move just like the first time, but with more assurance, with more command. He knew just the steps to follow.
Joe Banning, in his own mind, was really on his way and he wasn't going to stake out any limits.
CHAPTER TWO
The most important thing in the world to Noel Traubert was her mother. She loved her with a fierce loyalty. She was even protective toward her. She idolized her and she idealized her, probably without being aware of it. She thought her mother was beautiful. Most other people wouldn't have agreed. She thought of her mother as a kind, gentle soul, and at times she was. She thought her mother was wise, intelligent; she might have been average. Noel tried never to be a problem.
Her mother's full name was Fanny Helen Wilson Traubert Eberling. The last three names were the names of her husbands. Her first husband had died when he was very young. Her second husband, Frank Traubert, had been Noel's father, but he had dropped out of sight years ago. Noel couldn't remember him but she hated him. Fan's third and current husband was Bill Eberling. Noel didn't like him but Fan did, and that was what counted.
After Frank Traubert ran away, Fan had gone to work, and for a long time there had been no men in her life. How long this period had gone on Noel didn't know. At first she had been very young, and, to a certain extent, unaware of the problems of living. Then, for a number of years, there had been a series of men who seemed to move in and out of her mother's life. Some had stayed with them briefly, but Noel always thought of them as friends. She didn't search for a deeper relationship.
Bill Traubert had come into their lives about four years ago. At that time Noel had been twelve and worldly wise, not through experience but through talk. No matter where you live, these days, you learn about the birds and the bees while you are quite young. When Bill Traubert had started coming to see Fan, Noel hadn't worried. In the past, men had come and gone, and none had stayed around very long. But Bill was more persistent. Sometimes he would stay quite late. Eventually he started spending the nights in her mother's room. She hated him in those days. She could try to deceive herself about what happened in her mother's room, but not successfully. Finally, when Fan said that she and Bill Traubert were getting married, she was radiantly pleased. This wiped out the taint of shame and evil. Marriage would make everything fine.
Of course it added Bill to the household as a permanent member of the group, and she didn't like that. But for Fan, she would go along with it. For Fan she would do anything.
During the next four years, Bill and her mother fought sometimes, but then most married couples did that. Bill worked as a carpenter, but only when his back permitted. He made good money when he worked, but this was only on occasion. The rest of the time he spent sleeping. Or in the afternoon he might meet some of the boys in one of the taverns. He might come home drunk, and broke. Or he might come home drunk, with a pocket full of money.
Fan didn't mind. When she came home from work she sometimes drank too much too.
When Bill drank too much, Noel despised him. She thought him weak and lazy. When her mother drank too much she could understand the reason. Fan carried the burden of supporting the family. She wasn't strong to begin with and she worked terribly hard. It was reasonable that she needed to drink.
Early that summer Bill had disappeared for five days, and for Noel, those were the most difficult days she could remember. Fan went to pieces. She drank, she did a lot of crying, a lot of ranting. One man had deserted her. She couldn't take it if another man did. She loved Bill Eberling. She would die if he didn't come back.
Noel believed her whole-heartedly. A person who could have been more objective might have said that Fan's pride was more involved than any sense of love. But Noel would never be able to be objective about her mother. If her mother said she loved Bill, then this was true. If she said she had to have him back, that was true.
He did come back. He had been in jail on a charge of vagrancy. A friend got him out. He hadn't given his true name and he hadn't tried to get in touch with Fan because he wanted to protect her from any scandal.
Fan cried, and cried, and cried, and said he was the most wonderful man in the world. As she said that she was curled up in his arms, not looking at his face. Bill, himself, was looking at Noel. She was in shorts and a halter and he could see a lot of her. His eyes made Noel uneasy, and she left the room.
She was trying awfully hard to believe in Bill. She was trying to see him as Fan did.
He was a big man, big everywhere. He was heavy, his shoulders were wide, his arms were well muscled. His face was ruddy and he had black, curly hair and thick brows. He had full lips and a flattened nose. He wasn't at all handsome but Fan said he was.
It's funny. Sometimes there is a factor in a situat- [text was missing in original pocketbook]
Just lying on the bed, nude and motionless, she gradually cooled down. It was still light outside but the sun was down and in a little while the evening breeze would come up. She would dress and go out pretty soon. She didn't have anywhere to go but that wasn't important. She would run into some of the gang in front of the drug store, someone to talk to. That would eat up the evening.
She heard a sound at the door, the sound of the door opening, and she opened her eyes and sat up. Then she gasped and grabbed for something to cover herself. Bill was at the door. No, he wasn't at the door. He had come in, closed the door, and was heading her way, Was almost to her. She had never seen him move any faster.
She had part of the sheet across her body and she cried out. Before she could cry out again, Bill hit her with his words.
"I wouldn't do that, kid," he was saying. "I wouldn't raise any ruckus. Suppose the neighbors hear you and come bustin' in? How's your maw gonna take that?"
She held the sheet in front of her, shoulder high, and she asked, "What do you mean?"
"I just mean Fan'll take it hard. She really will. If she finds I was in here I don't know who she'll blame. Maybe she'll kick me out, and that will hurt her. Or maybe she'll never trust you again in your life."
He was using a lot of words, putting them together to mean something. But he hadn't needed all that. She knew her mother. Fan was in love with Bill and Fan loved her. At least she thought she did. Fan had two things in life: Bill and her daughter. She would not want to lose either one.
"What do you want?" Noel asked. the way. Let's see what you can do."
They had a small kitchen. Noel had hoped he would leave her alone, but he didn't. He took a chair back in the corner and sat there while she worked. He drank two cans of beer during the next half hour and kept watching her as Noel got more and more uneasy, more uneasy. She didn't like him watching her.
She made spaghetti and meat balls and set up a small salad and two delicate portions of cold mashed potatoes. There was some French bread in the bread-box and she buttered several slices and added garlic salt, and warmed the bread in the oven. She had made a good meal but Bill didn't say much about it. He ate a lot of it, however, and then left her to clean up the kitchen.
She was glad he had left and she didn't mind cleaning up the kitchen. She even hummed as she washed and dried the dishes. Then, when everything was done she walked to her room, and sat down on the edge of the bed.
It was hot, but then it was hot everywhere inside if you didn't have air conditioning, or some good fans. Here, they had neither. Her mother didn't earn much money. Bill did, on occasion, but not regularly enough to be of much help. So in the summers they sweltered.
Noel was wearing only panties and shorts, and a halter but in the hot room after working, she was still uncomfortable. After a momentary hesitation, she took everything off, then stretched out on the bed. She was almost sure Bill had fallen asleep. This had become a custom. He drank beer in the afternoons, then he ate a heavy meal and collapsed on his bed. He might wake up later and go out, or he might not. At any rate, she really didn't worry about him. He had never come to her room. It was foolish to think he might. ion which has been there for a long time but you overlook it. You walk around it, or you go over it, or under it. If it kicks you right in the face, you don't see it. You call it something else or you run away from it.
This was what Noel had done with respect to Bill. Until this summer he had hardly ever noticed her. He used to call her "the brat." And he didn't look at her as though she had any identity. During the past weeks, however, he had changed. He glared at her sometimes, scowled at her. He looked her up and down as he had that evening when he got back from jail. And he seemed to be doing that more and more. Noel thought that maybe he wished she wasn't around. If she wasn't around he would have more time with Fan. Or maybe his look didn't mean anything. Actually, it was hard to read a person's thoughts.
She didn't worry about him very much. She still didn't like him, but she tried to like him because he was important to Fan. Nothing else counted.
Occasionally, Fan worked at night, and about a week after Bill's return from jail Noel came home for dinner and found that Fan wasn't there. But Bill was there, prowling through the refrigerator.
He looked around at her. "Your maw won't be back until after eleven. She's got to work."
"I wish she didn't have to," Noel said.
"We can use the money," Bill said.
She might have suggested they would have more money if he worked more often, but she didn't say it. She had made it a rule not to criticize him.
"You think you could whip up something to eat?" Bill asked.
"Yes, I think I can. But you'll have to get out of the way."
His laugh wasn't pleasant. "Sure. I'll get out of-"
That was a foolish question, and she knew it. He had barged into her room and he was wearing only his shorts. Fan was away, she wouldn't return until late. Bill had been eyeing her for weeks, eyeing her as though he wanted her, and he was about to see what she was like.
She should have foreseen this situation, but she had been blind. Bill wasn't in love with Fan, or maybe he was, in his own way, but could still act like this. Some men were like that, and so were some women. Love was a rather changeable quality and had many different meanings. The important thing she had to remember was Fan-nothing else counted.
She knew what was next but she still asked, "What do you want?"
The man motioned with his arm. "You might as well drop that sheet, kid. That ain't gonna help you any. Drop the sheet an' move over."
"But, Bill...."
He shook his head. "I been watching you, kid. I been watching you for weeks. All of a sudden you're ripe. Some man's gonna take you, any day now and that might as well be me."
"But what about Fan?"
"This ain't gonna hurt Fan a bit, 'cause you ain't ever gonna tell her. Understand? You ain't ever gonna tell her."
He dropped his shorts, stepped out of them, and Noel couldn't help looking at him.
He spoke again. "Go on, move over, kid."
She moved over. If she hadn't he would have forced her. He would be doing that anyhow, but as long as she could put him off....
He had flopped down beside her, turned toward her, and he pushed away that covering sheet. Then he got up on his elbow, looked at her breasts, and laughed.
"Thought they was about like that. Coming out nice. Mighty nice. A few more months an' you'll be proud of 'em."
His hand settled over one of them, his big, rough hand. He mashed the breast down, rolled that around. He did the same with the other. After that he started pinching. Her breasts were cone-shaped and pink, and there were tiny bumps at the tops. Noel didn't like what he was doing but when he teased he gave her a tingly feeling all over.
He moved closer. He tried his kiss to her breasts and kept working. But after a time he raised his head and looked at her. "How do you like that?"
"I don't like that at all," Noel said.
"You will. I'm just starting."
"I don't think you ought to be doing this."
"Why not? You're big enough."
"But Fan-"
"She'll never know. Quit bringing Fan into this."
She closed her eyes. How could she think of anyone else? She was taking this for Fan. She was lying here, being violated, because of her love for Fan. If it hadn't been for Fan she would have been screaming, tearing the place apart.
Instead, she was submitting quietly, even though one of Bill's hands was on her, big and callous, hurting her. She knew he didn't have to. One night Chuck Wales, one of the gang, had started loving her, and his hand had been on her. But he hadn't hurt her like this. That had been exciting. What was happening now, was just plain hurting. Maybe this was because she was resisting. She tried not to resist. But that still hurt.
"You're about to get loved, kid," Bill said, and he raised his head from her breasts. "This is gonna be a real tumble. Maybe you been tumbled before, but this you'll remember."
"No, Bill," she whispered. "Please don't."
He shook his head. "Cut that out, kid. If you'd only let go you would love this. I can tell you, the finest thing in life is a good" tumble."
Let herself go! How could she, when she hated this man. She had all she could manage to endure what was happening.
He swung closer to her, and at least that calloused hand moved away. But what was happening now was much worse.
This was a moment to remember. She knew that. This might not be a pleasant memory, but she was no longer a virgin. She had been used, and that was that. Tomorrow she might look at the world with the same eyes, she might appear the same, but she would be a different person. Vastly different.
He had hurt her at first, hurt her terribly. She still hurt, but not as much as before, and something else was happening to her. There was a faint, stirring excitement, a strange feeling of pleasure.
But she didn't want that. She didn't want to enjoy what was happening. She wanted to suffer. She wanted to sacrifice. She was making a payment of her love for her mother. That was what she was doing, and nothing else.
She hung on to that idea, mentally, but her body went on and almost, got out of hand. She twisted a little, a high feeling piled up and then everything seemed to go to pieces, and the tensions slid down and she grew quiet.
Bill did too. He stretched himself beside her and he finally rolled away.
Then he turned toward her. "How was that, kid? Pretty good, huh? You can bet that was good."
She didn't say anything.
He laughed, and seemed pleased with himself. "Yep, that was a real ball. But you'll do better next time, and the next time, and the next. Before long we'll really be having fun."
She still didn't say anything but she was thinking. What is he talking about, next time and next? Does he think I'm crazy? I'll never get caught again.
He rolled toward her, put one of his hands to her breast and started acting as though that belonged to him.
"You'd better go," Noel said.
"No rush." He shook his head. "I got to work on these boobs for a while. Want to build 'em up."
Noel stiffened. She tried not to feel what he was doing.
He spoke again. "We're gonna be in luck this summer. Your maw told me she was going to work nights, whenever she can. She might be away two or three times a week, and when that happens, why I'll be lookin' after you. How do you like that?"
She took a deep breath. "You mean, whenever Fan works nights-
"Yep. That's right, kid. You're gonna get a real workout this summer. You're gonna get tumbled every way there is. We might even figure out some new ways."
She looked up at the ceiling. "Now and then I work nights, too."
"Yeah? Doing what?"
"Baby-sitting."
"You can drop that."
"I need the money."
"What money?" He shook his head. "Fan's bringing in enough money."
Tears filled her eyes. Hot, bitter tears. The life Bill was picturing for her was an impossibility. What kind of daughter was she, to go to bed with the man her mother loved? To do so knowingly, and by plan. To do so again and again. She shook her head angrily.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked suspiciously.
"I just don't like that," Noel said. "I can't do that again."
"You can't do what?"
"This-what we're doing."
"Don't know why not."
"I'm thinking of Fan. She loves you."
"Sure she does. That's what makes this perfect. She'll never guess about us, not for a minute. You just button your lip and everything will be fine."
She covered her eyes with one of her arms, and in her mind she could still hear Bill's argument. This could go on and on. Fan would never be suspicious. Why should she be? Bill was her husband and she loved him. Presumably he was in love with her.
He rolled his hands on her breasts, and he laughed and said, "Got to get work on these. Got to build 'em up. I like them when they're bigger."
He moved closer, put his head on her, and she could feel his kiss settling at one of the mounds. At first he stirred up her feelings, but after a time he began hurting her, and she didn't like that at all.
She pushed his head away. "You'd better get back to your own room. Fan sometimes gets home early."
He shook his head. "Quit your worrying. Got this other boob to worry about, don't we?"
His head went to her again.
Noel just lay there, waiting.
Fan did come home early but before then Bill was in their bedroom, and on the proper bed. Noel heard them talking but she couldn't hear what was said. Along toward morning she fell asleep but she didn't get much rest. While she had been awake she had thought, and thought, but she knew she hadn't made any sound decision. There didn't seem to be one.
The next morning she was rather silent at breakfast, but so was Fan. She seemed tired, listless. But this was another work day and she had to be on time. Bill was still asleep.
"Don't make any more noise than you have to," Fan said. "I want Bill to sleep as long as he can. His back is bothering him again."
Noel thought, No wonder. From the way he worked at me, his conscience ought to be bothering him. Then she was flooded with guilt and she looked down. She couldn't look at her mother.
"You look as though you needed more sleep, too," Fan said. "Why don't you go back to bed again?"
Back to bed, Noel thought. So I could be ready for Bill as soon as Fan leaves the apartment? Never again.
She raised her head. "I'm really not tired, Fan. Maybe I can find some work somewhere."
"Don't you worry about work," Fan said. "I can handle that. Why don't you go to the library? You used to love to read."
"I might do that," Noel said. "Or I might go to the Settlement House. I can always find something to do there. Will you be working tonight, do you know?"
"I'll be home tonight," Fan said. "But tomorrow night I might have to work. We can use the money."
Noel started straightening up the kitchen. She would be home tonight, because Fan would be here. Tomorrow night, while Fan was away, she would stay away. This was going to have to be her program for the rest of the summer. She could run away, but that would hurt Fan terribly. She couldn't do that.
There was the key to Noel Traubert. Fan was the most important thing in the world. She came first. Everything else was secondary.
She hurried in the kitchen so she could leave the apartment with Fan. That saved her from a possible encounter with Bill, who might not really be asleep. At the subway entrance, Fan left her, and from there Noel walked to the Settlement House. It was too early to go to the library. Besides, it was quite a walk to the branch library, and she was tired. Her breasts were sore too, but not so much that she was concerned. In another day, most likely, the pain would be gone.
Walking slowly along the street she thought that this was the beginning of a new era. She was no longer an innocent child. As long as she could remember she had never been very innocent, but today, definitely, she was no longer innocent.
She spent part of the morning at the Settlement House, but toward noon she headed for Peel's Drugstore where some of the gang might be hanging around. Some were, Hugo Tennyson, Chuck Wales, Mary Riley, and Debby Roth. She was glad Debby was there. She wanted to talk to her. She needed to talk to her. Debby had crossed the line a long time ago. Debby knew the score.
All four, Hugo, Chuck, Mary and Debby were having Cokes. Cokes cost ten cents. Noel didn't have much money but she decided that spending a dime was worth it, so she joined those at the counter.
Half a dozen times Hugo had gotten her into the shadows and tried to see how far he could go. He never had gotten very far. She really didn't like him. Chuck had done much better. He was the one whose hand had gone about as far as was possible and now he was sore at her, disgusted with her. He scowled at her, then looked away.
Noel ignored him and she ignored Hugo. She took a stool near Mary Riley and started talking to her. Debby was between Hugo and Chuck. She really wanted to talk to Debby, but she would arrange that when she could.
Joe Banning entered the store. He was almost one of the gang, but not really. He had a job. He worked here. That put him in a different category, at least when he worked.
He came up to Noel and said, "Couldn't make it. Tried to get back but I couldn't make it. I had two late deliveries, emergencies, and they were about a mile apart."
"That's all right," Noel said.
Up to this moment she had forgotten he had said something about going to the movies. If she had wanted to pick up the date, she should have been on the corner at about nine. Apparently he hadn't been here, but neither had she. At about nine she had been in the process of being tumbled.
She smiled crookedly. That was what Joe wanted-a bed date. That was what Chuck wanted, and Hugo. That was what any of the guys wanted-bed dates. Of course a bed date might be in some alley, or on a roof top, or in one of the deserted buildings about to be torn down or in the shrubbery in the park along the river. They didn't often make out on a bed. Debby had told her once that she had never been tumbled on a bed. "I've made out every place else," she had said. "Every place-alley to roof top. But I've never made out on a bed. Someday I'd like to."
Noel thought, I ought to send Debby to my place. She could have a bed and she could ham BUI. I never want him again.
"What about tonight?" Joe said. "Doing anything tonight?"
"I have to go home tonight," Noel said. "But tomorrow night we might go out."
"Tomorrow night then," Joe said. "That'll be better anyhow. Tomorrow's payday."
She looked at Joe thoughtfully. Tall, thin, freckled, redheaded, he was not as good looking as Chuck, but better than Hugo who looked like a beast, a brute. He was one of the tough guys of the district. She would never trust Hugo.
For that matter, who could she trust? Maybe no one.
After Joe went to the rear of the store, she turned back to Mary Riley, who said, flatly, "I think he's a creep-Joe Banning. If you want him you can have him."
"Who said I wanted him?" Noel asked.
"They're all after the same thing," Mary said. "I'm old enough to know that."
She was fourteen, but a wise fourteen. She seemed much older.
Noel finished her Coke, and paid for it, then when Debby said she had to go home, she called out, "I'll go with you. I want to talk to you."
This was nothing unusual. She and Debby sort of hung around together. They left the drug store, headed up the street, two tall, young girls, sixteen, Debby a little heavier than Noel, Debby with brown hair, Noel almost a blonde, sandy-haired.
"Where were you last night?" Debby asked.
"Around," Noel said, and she looked away. "I met a guy."
"That's easy, anywhere. Did you like him?"
"I don't know."
"Did he get you?"
"Not all the way."
Debby laughed. "I could have guessed that, but just wait. One of these guys won't stop. You got to get over the line sometime."
"I'll get over when I want to," Noel said. She looked down at the sidewalk. "Does that hurt much the first time?"
"Sure, if he's any good."
"What about the second time?"
"That's not so bad. Third time is fun if the guy's any good. That's what's important. If the guy is any good. Did I hear you making a date with Joe Banning?"
"He wants to take me to a movie."
"A movie? Yeah. I know where he wants to take you, and so do you."
"Have you ever been out with him?"
"He's never had me, if that's what you mean. I don't like him. There's something about him-I don't know what it is unless Mary tabbed it. A creep."
"He's not that bad."
"I think he is."
"At least he's got a job."
"It's not much of a job. Hugo does a lot better without a job."
"Stripping cars? The cops will get him one of these days."
"Maybe, maybe not. He's a real guy if you feel you're up to one. If I were you I'd try Chuck. He's not bad at all."
"I'm not looking for anyone," Noel said.
She had lunch at Debby's, then in the afternoon she walked to the library. She was a little less tired now. If what Debby said was true, the next time shouldn't hurt too much. And the third time-
But there would be no second time with Bill. And no third time. Tonight she would go home after Fan got home. In the morning she would leave when her mother left. Tomorrow night she would stay out with Joe Banning or by herself, because Fan would be away. She wouldn't go home until Fan returned.
This was going to be her program for the rest of the summer. Bill would never trap her again.
It seemed to her that she had said this to herself several times already. But that was all right. She was fixing this plan into her mind so it would be permanent.
Joe didn't remember until the next morning that Serena hadn't paid him for the order he had delivered. The bill had totaled eight-fifty. Serena had said she would give him ten dollars, but she must have forgotten. Possibly she had had a good reason to forget. She had been awfully active in bed and it was quite late when he left. It was late and she was sleepy and he had not remembered the bill.
So here he was the next morning, eight fifty short. No, it was worse than that. He had delivered two packages last night and he hadn't picked up any money from either place. Serena owed him eight fifty. Mrs. Olga Parkington owed him one fifty. Mrs. Parkington was the woman who hadn't been able to find her purse. He had said he would call later, but he hadn't. He had reached Serena's and had stayed there.
Eight fifty and one fifty. That totaled ten dollars, which he didn't have. He could collect it and he would, but he didn't have it now. He wouldn't have it by noon. Just before he left Serena had said she meant to sleep until noon and he was not to call her. When she was free for an evening she would leave an order at the drug store.
He couldn't telephone her and he couldn't go to see her. He couldn't pick up the eight fifty.
He could get the one fifty from Mrs. Parkington, but not right away. He telephoned her at what he thought was a reasonable hour-ten-thirty-but she didn't answer the phone. She still wasn't home when he telephoned at eleven-thirty.
Joe was at the drug store early to sweep out, but Mr. Morrell was late so he didn't have to account for the ten dollars he should have collected. He left, then came back again at about eleven forty-five.
Noel was at the fountain with some of the gang. He had forgotten until then that he had made a tentative date with her for the evening before. And that he hadn't kept it. That should have made him feel bad, but it didn't. Last night he had had the greatest night of his life-a wonderful night. To be very honest he wanted to shout about what had happened. He wanted to gloat openly. It was disappointing he couldn't.
He stopped and talked to Noel and he half expected she would be angry, but she wasn't. It occurred to him that she hadn't been there either, but she didn't say one way or the other. Then, when he propositioned her for another date, she had agreed but had put it off until another day. In a way, the delay was fortunate. He was short of money and if he had to fork out ten dollars to pay for last night's deliveries, he would be broke.
He left Noel, walked to the rear of the store and was noticed by Mr. Morrell. His voice was crisp. "Joe, come over here."
He walked that way. "Yes sir."
"I believe you made two deliveries last night," Mr. Morrell said. "They amounted to ten dollars."
"I left it at home," Joe said. "Sorry Mr. Morrell."
"Sorry!" Mr. Morrell said. "Go and get it. You can make up the time later."
Joe turned and left the store. He knew it wasn't wise to admit he had failed to collect the money. If he did, Mr. Morrell would send him out to get it and it couldn't be collceted now. Besides, he didn't want to injure his relationship with Serena. He wanted to see her again. Before he finished with her he meant to wear out the bed. He could have gone to see Mrs. Parkington, but that wouldn't have helped a great deal. No, the only thing he could do now was put up his own ten dollars and get along until payday-tomorrow. If he needed a little for tonight he could see Mrs. Parkington. By now, surely, she would have found her purse.
He stayed away from the drug store long enough to have gone home and back, then returned and handed over his own ten dollars. Mr. Morrell took it, put the money in the cash register and gave him a short lecture on responsibility. This was one of his favorite subjects. He had a few others-truth, honesty, and Sue. Joe wondered if Sue had stayed last night after nine.
He took a look at her. Tall enough, and nicely padded, in a way she was quite attractive. He would never forget how she had looked when Mr. Morrell stepped away from her that night in the back of the supply room.
One of these days or nights Joe would try her himself. He felt the certainty that he could take her and make her like him. Serena had liked him. She hadn't even guessed that was his first time. If he was that good, Sue would be no problem at all.
Nor would Noel be any problem if he could just get started with her.
He didn't know what had happened to her last night and she didn't know about him. In a way, they had hit the same level in life at about the same time. And today it was interesting to observe the attitudes they had fallen into. Joe was riding a high crest, proud, sure of himself, on top of the world.
Noel couldn't have felt much lower. She was carrying a burden of guilt and just behind her was a shadow of fear. If she had known where to run she would have started running, but she couldn't. Fan would never understand.
Right now, Joe and Noel were miles apart. In a little while they would grow much closer, but not in the way either one would have thought.
Joe had to make three deliveries late in the afternoon. Two were routine and uninteresting. The third was a little out of the ordinary. It didn't add up to very much-a twenty-five cent tip. But there was some conversation which might lead up to something if he could work it out. It was stalled for the present-the man might never pick it up. Or then again he might. You never knew how things like this would work out.
The man involved was Mr. Matt Kroeger. He lived in a rather nice apartment, large and well furnished. He came to the door when Joe rang the bell.
"Oh, you're the boy from the drug store, huh," Kroeger said. "Come on in."
He turned around, walked away, and Joe hesitated, remembering he wasn't supposed to enter anyone's apartment. But then he shrugged and stepped inside.
Kroeger was on the telephone. He picked it up and went on talking for a moment. A rather big man, heavy, in the forties, he had wide shoulders, powerful arms, rugged features. His voice was sharp and positive over the telephone. He slammed it down when he finished, muttered profanely, then looked at Joe. "How much do I owe you?"
"Two seventy-five," Joe answered.
The man reached into his back pocket, took out his wallet, dug out three dollars and handed them over. "The extra two-bits is for you. Thanks a lot."
"That's all right," Joe said, and he started for the door.
"Hey, wait a minute," Kroeger said. "You live around here, don't you?"
"Yes, I do."
"Know your way around, I'll bet?" He was grinning.
Joe grinned. "Some I guess."
"I'll bet you do all right. Got a girl?" He hesitated. He didn't know what was coming. "Not-not exactly. That is-"
"You mean you play the field?"
"You might say that."
"That's what I did when I was your age. Greatest years I ever had. Never will forget 'em. I was just wondering-"
"Wondering what?"
"You know most of the girls around here?"
"I guess I know some."
The man gave a hearty laugh. "I'll bet you do. More than you want to admit. Bet you could even tell me where I might be able to pick one up some night, and I don't mean some old hag. I go for the young ones."
"I don't know," Joe said, and he was half frightened by the proposition. What was this man asking him to do-dig up a girl he could have some fun with? That was even hard for him.
"What's your name, kid?"
"Joe Banning."
"Joe, huh. And you work at Peel's. Think about what I said. I'll be in to see you in a day or so."
"I'm not sure what I can do." Joe said, and he was frowning.
The man waved his arm. "You like money, don't you?"
"Sure I do, but-"
"I can always dig some up," Kroeger said. "I'm not asking you to do this for nothing. I'll bet you could use an extra ten bucks."
"But I'm still not sure."
"Think about it, huh. I'll see you again."
"Yeah, I'll see you again," Joe said, and he swung around once more. This time he made it to the door.
He was a little angry when he got to thinking about Kroeger's proposition. He wanted a girl, and without much question he didn't want to talk to her or look at her. He wanted to put her to bed. And he wanted him, Joe Banning, to make the proposition, to set up the date. Kroeger would pay him, but what girl did he know who would go for a blind date with an older man? The entire scheme was ridiculous.
Joe worked out the rest of the day. At nine-twenty, when he got away, most of the gang which usually hung around during the evening had drifted away. At least Noel wasn't there. Of course she had said she had to go home tonight, but he thought she might have changed her mind. Serena moved across his mind. He had thought of her half a hundred times before. She was a warm and tingling memory. Her husband was with her tonight, and that wasn't pleasant to remember, but the day would come when there would be an order he had to deliver to Mrs. Serena O'Bannion. That would be more than an order. That would be an invitation to spend the evening.
He laughed to himself, turned away, and beaded in the direction of Mrs. Olga Parkington's apartment She owed him a dollar and a half, and he might as well pick it up.
She answered the door when he rang the bell and at first she looked startled, surprised. But then she smiled, and said, "Oh, it's you. I thought you were coming back last night."
"I meant to," Joe said. "But I had too much work at the store. I mean it was quite late-"
"That's all right." She bobbed her head. "Come on in."
Joe hesitated, but then stepped inside. The woman was again wearing the red, silky negligee. A short, thick-bodied woman with frizzy gray hair, she wasn't at all attractive. Last night she had seemed distracted, hadn't known what she had done with her purse. He hoped she had it tonight.
She did. She found it and turned toward him. "How much is it I owe you?"
"It's a dollar and a half, Mrs. Parkington."
She looked in her purse, then looked up. "I don't have the correct change. I have five dollars here. Can you change it?"
Joe scowled. "I'm afraid I can't."
"I just don't have any small bills," the woman said. "And I have hardly any change at all."
"I suppose I can come another time," Joe said.
"No, I don't want you to have to do that. Are you all through for the night? I mean-"
"Yes, I'm through for the night. I'm on my way home."
"You live nearby?"
"A block or two."
"What is your name?"
"Joe Banning."
"Joe. I like that. I've just been thinking. I might have some extra change somewhere." Do you like tea?"
"Tea?" He was almost startled. Then he shook has head. "No, ma'am, I don't care much for tea."
"You would mine," the woman said. "But you'd probably rather have Coca Cola. There is some in the refrigerator. I'll get you a bottle while you're waiting."
He almost turned away and walked out but then he got to thinking that this was all a dodge and that this woman didn't mean to pay the One fifty. That made him a little angry and he thought, I'll stay right here until I get my money. I'll stay here until she throws me out. She can dig up the one fifty if she wants to.
"Sure, a Coke would be fine," he told her, and he grinned.
She got him the Coke and poured it into a glass. Then she said, "You can help me look for the change, Joe. I want you to." A funny expression crossed her face. "I don't often get visitors."
"I'm not a visitor," Joe said. "I'm a collector. No one likes collectors."
"But I do," the woman said, and she laughed. No, she cackled. That was the way it came out. Then she said, "Come on, Joe."
He followed her to a side door, looked in. This was a small bedroom, crowded by a huge bed, a bureau and a vanity, a bedside table and several chairs. There was a closet door and a door to the bathroom. Clothes were everywhere, on the bed, on the chairs, on the doorknobs. The vanity top and the top of the bureau were cluttered by bottles, all sorts of beauty aids. There seemed to be only one light, a lamp on the bed stand.
The woman had turned the light on from an electric switch near the door. She walked to the bureau, opened the top drawer, looked in, then she looked around at Joe and said, "Don't just stand there. Sit down on the bed and make yourself comfortable."
Joe looked at the woman, then looked at the bed, and he thought, What a setup. What a perfect setup if she was other woman. But not this one-short, dumpy, hatchet-faced, and maybe not all there. If there was any dollar and a half anywhere around, she ought to know where that was.
But he walked to the bed and he sat down, and he wondered what would be next, what dodge to avoid paying the bill.
She surprised him, but this happened gradually.
She turned toward him. "Is the drink all right?"
He nodded. "It's perfect."
"You don't mind waiting?"
"No, that's ail right.".
She walked to the bed, turned and sat down next to him, and motioned with her arm. "I declare, I don't know where to start hunting but I really don't mind. I have someone to talk to. Sometimes a woman can get very lonely. Maybe you know what I mean."
Joe didn't, but he said, "I suppose so."
The woman spoke again. "I may never find the change I'm looking for. I suppose I ought to tell you that, but if you don't have to leave right away, if you can stay here for a while you can have the whole five dollars. It's there on top of the bureau."
He didn't know quite what to think. Maybe she was lonely, but what could he say to her, what could he talk about?
"There's another five dollars there, too," the woman said. "Ten dollars, Joe. Maybe that isn't much to you, but if you don't have to go anywhere, well-you know-"
Her voice had dropped so he could hardly hear her. He suddenly swallowed and the thought of What she wanted slammed at him all at once. Here be was, on her bed. The lights were low. She was right beside him. And on the bureau were two five dollar bills he could pick up and take.
If he stayed.
And if he did what she wanted.
He looked at the woman then looked away. She vwas short, thick-bodied, and she wouldn't rate at all in the beauty department. She must be in the late forties. But the lights weren't too bright and that would help, no one else would ever have to know about this, and that was an advantage. So was ten dollars and so was a new kind of experience. Maybe she would really be interesting.
He knew then what he would do but he hadn't yet admitted that to himself. He was still arguing with himself. He took a gulp of the Coke, then leaned to the side and put the glass on the bed stand.
She reached out, put a hand on his knee. "Did I shock you, Joe? Do you think I am terrible?"
He shook his head. "Of course not."
"I want you to call me Olga."
He made a sound in his throat.
"This is really a nice bed." She patted the bed with her other hand. One hand was still on Joe's knee.
He cleared his throat, then spoke, just to be saying something. "My bed is much smaller, and bumpy."
"Then you'll really like this one. Lean back. See how comfortable this is."
He leaned back and he thought, I'm lost. Now I've got to go through with this. But rather strangely, be didn't mind at all the way things were developing. This would be something new and different and besides, he was getting paid. Altogether, not a bad deal.
Olga had crawled round beside him, and she said, "Now you can put your feet up."
He did, but he was still wearing all his clothes and he wondered what she would do about that. She was in better condition for a tumble than he was. Under that red negligee she probably wasn't wearing very much.
But if she was worried about his clothes she wasn't doing much about them. She was beside him, quite close beside him, one of her hands on his chest. And her hand was just lying there.
Then the hand moved, fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, got them undone, and her hand slid under the shirt. Joe thought, I ought to be the one doing that for her. But he didn't move and he thought, Why don't I see what she does? This is her party anyhow.
Her voice, at least, was very low. "Isn't this nice? Very nice?"
He could say easily, "Yes. This is very nice."
"You do like my bed, don't you?"
"I could almost go to sleep."
"You can in a little while. Do you mind what I'm doing?"
"Of course not." He could say that honestly. She wasn't doing anything but lying close to him, one hand on his chest. The hand was moving a little, circling around. But that was all, for a moment. Then she raised her head, finished unbuttoning his shirt, spread that wide, then put her head down on his chest. She kissed him there, very lightly, and laughed.
Joe thought, This is all going backward. I ought to be doing this for her. But if this is what she wants-Her voice was still low. "Joe, do you mind what I do?"
He shook his head. "Why should I?"
"I don't know. I just wondered. Your skin is so warm and soft. I like just to lie here."
That was what she said, that she just liked to lie there. But she wasn' just lying. One of her hands was on his belt and his belt got unbuckled. Then he tensed.
"This is nice too," Olga said. "Very, very nice."
Her head was inching over his chest. Joe thought, She better be careful. If she isn't-
But she wasn't going to be careful. Her lips were on him and he knew a sudden flood of emotion which he couldn't hold back. And there that was-the sharp tension, the break, and a slow, spreading feeling of relaxation.
He thought, This was what she wanted all the time. I never even guessed.
He knew about this. The guys talked about this as something different. This was certainly different. He was really learning fast, Serena last night with some straight and fancy tumbling, and tonight Olga with some tricks.
Her head moved away, almost reluctantly, and she moved so that she was lying near him, her head now close to his shoulder, her hand on his chest.
She spoke slowly. "Joe, was that all right?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"Do you feel cheated?"
"I guess not."
"I think I have-cheated you. Some men would say that."
"I didn't."
She rolled her hand on his chest. "You could do anything with me, now. Anything, Joe."
He didn't know what to say, he didn't know what to do.
She was silent for a time, then she spoke again. "You were wonderful, Joe. You let me do what I wanted. But now I want some attention, too, I really do."
"You-you mean-"
"Turn this way. I'll help you."
She drew her hand back and he rolled toward her. He wasn't exactly sure what he was to do, but apparently he would find out.
Her negligee had fallen open. She wasn't wearing anything else and he was surprised at her breasts. They weren't bad at all. They stood out very well Not like Serena's, but the nipples were even larger.
He put his head there and Olga said, "That's right, Joe. That's right. Stay right there for a while."
He did. He moved those boobs around with his face and he could sense she was getting excited. He worked a little harder.
"Yes," Olga said. "There."
He thought she meant his hand but she didn't. She wanted him to do what she had.
"That's right, Joe," she whispered. "Yes. Yes. That's what I wanted."
That must have been all right for her, too. She twisted and rolled and really seemed to be having fun, and if this was what she wanted, then this was fine.
And for ten dollars, why not?
No, not ten dollars. One fifty went to the store. He would get only eight fifty. But the next time he'd get the full ten dollars, if there was a next time.
He wanted to laugh. He knew there would be another time.
CHAPTER THREE
Sue Dorchester was twenty-eight and married. Arthur Morrell knew it, and Howard Kendrick knew it. Joe Banning didn't. Actually, she had been married twice before, but she had never mentioned that to anyone. Even her present husband didn't know of her previous marital experiences.
She had her first taste of marriage when she was eighteen. That had been in Kentucky. Her husband had been a farmer and not a very successful one. Before she was nineteen she ran away with a hardware salesman who took her to Akron. She left him in Akron, took a bus to Cleveland and got a job. Within a few months she met and married a second husband. This lasted a year and a half; she ran away again, took a bus to New York City, and went to work in a restaurant in the Village.
It was three years before she married again and this time she was careful about the man she chose. She didn't want to have to run away again. Carl Dorchester, husband number three-he thought he was the first-was a bookkeeper. But he was planning to get ahead; he was going to night school, working to become a C.P.A. He had been twenty-seven when he and Sue got married. That was three years ago.
Now, he was thirty and he was still working and going to school, driving himself. He didn't earn much.
Sue worked to add to the family budget, and to keep busy.
She and Carl didn't have much fun together. She worked, and he worked, and at night Carl went to class or had to study. That included the week ends. Sometimes Sue wondered if it was worth it. Sometimes she thought about running away again, getting a new start m some other city. But she didn't want to have to do that. After all, she was no longer a fresh young girl. Her twenty-eight years were beginning to show in a few light wrinkles and a flabbiness in her legs and arms.
She hadn't bothered to get a divorce from either her first or second husbands. She had never been strictly moral, but she was not promiscuous, either. Howard Kendrick, the pharmacist at Peel's, had made half a dozen attempts to get somewhere with her. On three occasions he had taken her into the back of the supply room, but he never got her to comply. He got his hands all over her-she had permitted that-but the session ended right there.
She had said, "No, Howard! I wouldn't like that. You wouldn't like that either."
"On the floor or on a bed, what difference does that make?"
He had her right against the wall. The front of her dress was open and his head had been there. He was worked up enough to take her right where she was. She wouldn't cooperate.
When he finally realized he wasn't going to get any farther, he had asked her, "What do you want me to do?"
"Get a bed," Sue said.
"A bed! How am I going to get a bed?"
She shook her head. "Isn't that up to you?"
"A hotel room, huh?"
"If that's a first-class hotel."
"Do you know what a first class hotel room would cost?"
"Twenty dollars, maybe. Don't you think I'm worth that?"
She had him there. He couldn't say no. And he didn't want to spend twenty dollars.
They went through the same scene three times. She would go so far and then stop. And that was that. Howard Kendrick had never tried her. He never would.
But Arthur Morrell was a different matter. He had her one night right on the floor where Howard Kendrick had wanted her. That was the night when Joe Banning made use of his peephole in the washroom.
Arthur Morrell had no trouble persuading her. But he had paid for her. The next week Sue's pay check was five dollars higher, and would stay at that level. Sue and Carl could use the extra money.
In considering the matter of a salary increase, Sue was brutally honest. She and Carl needed more money. Twenty dollars a month was a worth-while increase.
"If I give you a raise," Morrell had said, "could you do a little work for me tonight?"
"Work?" Sue said.
Morrell grinned. "That won't be difficult. You might even like that."
She didn't have to guess what he meant. What he wanted was in his eyes, in the flaring of his nostrils. He had looked at her like that before.
She hesitated, then said, "Just tonight."
"You might like-"
"No. Just tonight."
"All right. Just tonight.
He would want more than just tonight. She was well aware of that. But she would worry about that later.
She nodded, smiled, and that night she paid off. That was a very rushed affair and not very enjoyable, but Arthur Morrell seemed satisfied for the moment.
Sue Had been working at Peel's Drugstore for three months. She was not an expert cashier, but she was fairly honest. She served as a clerk when it was necessary. She got to work promptly and she usually looked nice. Howard Kendrick was a problem to her, but she thought she would be able to handle him. Arthur Morrell might become more of a problem, but that was in the future. Amusingly, Joe Banning now and then looked at her as though he wanted to try her, but Joe was just a kid, no one to worry about.
Actually, her only real problems lay at home, with Carl and with herself.
What about the future?
What about her and Carl?
Would they ever come to a place where they could live like normal people, where they could have fun with each other, going to shows, going on parties, going to the beach and going to bed? She didn't know when she had gone to a show, to a party, to the beach. They went to bed, but it wasn't often that anything happened. Carl was too tired. Night after night after night he was too tired. This was actually true. Carl was physically killing himself with his regular work, his classes, and his endless study.
Why had she let Howard Kendrick go so far? Maybe because that was something to do, and maybe that was something she needed.
For the sake of a raise she had taken a tumble with Arthur Morrell. That had been too hurried to be very enjoyable, yet she hadn't minded. And the next time he wanted her-
Why did she feel this way?
Two late orders had come in by telephone. Arthur Morrell packaged them, then called Joe Banning, and sent him off to make the deliveries.
A little while later Arthur Morrell walked to the cashier's cage. He smiled at Sue. "You're the prettiest thing in the store."
"Not as pretty as money," Sue answered.
"Much prettier." He lowered his voice. "Do you have to go right home?"
She was ready for that question and she nodded. "Yes. I have a lot of work I have to do at home."
"Couldn't you stay a little while?"
"Not tonight."
"Joe won't be here, cleaning. He has to make two deliveries. We wouldn't be hurried."
She shook her head but managed to smile. "I don't like the floor."
"The floor?"
"That's what I said. I don't like the floor. I bruise too easily. If you had a bed-"
"A bed-where?"
"That would have to be available, wouldn't that?" He scowled at her. "What are you saying to me, really?"
"That I don't like the floor. That's all."
"But if I had a bed?"
She looked away. "We might talk about things."
"You just mean talk."
"Get the bed, Arthur, then we'll see."
He turned, and left her, then from his own desk he stared at her thoughtfully. And Sue told herself, I better do some thinking, too. What would I do if he provided a bed in some apartment? How far do I want to go? What about Carl?
She left the drug store promptly at nine, and walked home. It was not a long trip but tonight it took longer than usual. She was upset, worried, annoyed with herself. Right toward the end, just before she walked out, she almost spoke to Arthur again. If she had, she would have said she would stay for a time after they locked up. She would have had him again on the floor, for no reason at all other than that maybe she would have enjoyed herself.
So what did that make her? A loose woman? A hussy?
Maybe she was, or maybe she was just tired of going home to a husband who didn't have any time for her, Who left her alone too much.
It was a warm night. All along the street people were out on the sidewalks and on the stoops, some talking in groups, some just silent. A good many women were in shorts and halters; some of the men weren't wearing shirts. As soon as she got home she'd get out of most of what she was wearing and then collapse. It would have been nice to undress and have a beer and have someone around to appreciate her.
But Carl would be studying.
She knew it, and she was right. He hardly looked up as she came in. But he said, "Hi. Hard day?"
"In a way," Sue answered.
Carl said nothing. He probably hadn't heard what she said. His head was buried in a book.
Sue changed clothes, changed to sandals, panties, shorts and a halter. She thought of doing some ironing but she didn't want to. She washed out a few things. She wished she had bought some beer, but she hadn't and there was none in the refrigerator. They could have afforded it, but Carl didn't care for beer so they seldom bought it.
Sue wandered around the place restlessly. She stared at Carl and wished she had the nerve to throw away all his books, but that would have been horrible.
She interrupted him and that was wrong. "Carl!"
He looked up at her, frowning. "You know when I'm studying. What is it?"
"Do you ... Carl, how long are you going to be studying?"
He looked at his watch. "I ought to be good for a couple of hours. I'd like to finish this entire section. H I can hold up, I will."
"You couldn't just.. just skip a night ... take a night off?"
"Darling, you know I can't."
"Just tonight?"
"Not tonight, or tomorrow night. We're almost there, darling. Don't you realize it? One more year and I'll have my certificate. Then we can relax."
"No. Then you'll have to change to a new job. There'll be night work again. You told me so once."
"A little night work, yes. If you want to get ahead, you pay for it. But things will be easier next year. I promise."
"I wish I could be sure of it."
"You can, darling. Now why don't you go down and see the Zelinskis, or Ed Yorty and his wife. I don't want to keep you cooped in."
"The Zelinskis are dirty and I don't like Ed Yorty."
"Then try the Martins or someone else. Or sit out in front for a while."
She shrugged, and turned away. He wasn't sending her off, she realized that. All he wanted was to be left alone so he could bury his head in his book. What she did with herself he probably didn't care. He loved her, sure. But his work came first. That was Carl, her husband, who was on his way ahead, but so slowly she could hardly mark his progress.
She sat down, looked through a magazine, put it aside. She could wish, now, that she had stayed at the store. At least, if she had, something would have happened to her. She wouldn't be as nervous or as restless as she was now.
She got up, headed for the door, and called, "I'm going downstairs. Maybe I'll sit out in front until it's cooler."
Carl didn't even answer. He probably didn't even hear what she said.
She meant to go outside, but she didn't get that far. When she got down to the second floor, Ed Yorty was in the door to his apartment, and he waved and called, "Hi there, Sue. How about a can of beer?"
He had one in his hand, and he was grinning, and Sue thought,. Why not? That's what I've been thinking about anyhow. A can of beer. Martha will talk me to death but I can stand it.
Martha was Ed's wife. She was big, but she could whine like a baby. She didn't like anything about anything or anybody. Ed was just as big, barrel-chested, and not much to look at. He was barefooted, was wearing shorts, and nothing else. He was in the mid-forties.
As Sue hesitated he motioned again. "Come on. I'll even put some clothes on."
"It's too hot for that," Sue said. "How's Martha?"
"Cranky as ever."
"Are you sure you've got an extra can of beer?"
"Come a-runnin'."
She walked toward him and entered his apartment as he stepped aside, then closed the door and led the way to the kitchen. Sue followed him. Martha wasn't in the front room or in the kitchen.
Ed opened the refrigerator, took out a can of beer, opened it and held it toward her. "Got plenty more, too," he mentioned.
Sue tasted it. "Umm. Good."
"It's just beer."
"Sure, but it's cool and refreshing-everything it says in the ads. Where's Martha?"
"Over in Brooklyn."
"Brooklyn?"
"Her sister got sick a couple days ago. Martha's going to stay there for several days, helping."
"Oh. I didn't know that."
She was frowning. She hadn't realized Ed was here alone. If she had known that she probably wouldn't have accepted his invitation to step inside. Now, maybe, she would have trouble leaving. He was very much married if Martha was around, but if she wasn't his arms were very practiced. He had used them on her several times in the hall.
But he was not bothering her now, and the beer was good. She took another drink.
"What's Carl doing?" he asked.
She shrugged. "Studying. Lost in some book. He doesn't even know I'm around."
"I know you're around."
She frowned, but was silent.
"I know you're here," Ed said again. "Want another can of beer? I got plenty."
"No." She shook her head.
"Does it seem warm in here?"
"It's warm everywhere."
"Not in the bedroom." He pointed. "I've got a new window fan on the job. It helps a lot. You ought to try it."
"No thanks, Ed."
"It's really cool in there."
"I'll bet"
He scowled at her. "You're just like a woman. You make up things in your mind."
"Do I?" She looked away, was silent for a moment, then motioned. "Haw about another can of beer?"
"Sure. Another can coming right, up."
She didn't look at him but she was sure he was grinning, and that his grin couldn't have been much wider. And she asked herself, Why did I say that? Why did I ask for another can of beer? What am I thinking about? She was afraid she knew the answer. Another can of beer would keep her here, and in the next room was a window fan that made the air cooler. There was something else there, too. A very convenient bed where she could stretch out, and relax. Only she wouldn't do much relaxing. Ed Yorty would be right there beside her.
She took a deep breath and she asked, Why am I doing this? And with a man like Ed Yorty? This doesn't make sense.
He opened another can of beer, moved toward her, gave her the can and slid an arm around her waist. His voice was almost suggestive. "Hey, how about that? Why don't we try that next room?"
She took a sip of the beer. ""I don't know, Ed. I shouldn't stay. I've a hundred things to do upstairs."
"Do them some other time."
"You can't put things off forever."
"Just for tonight. You'll like being in there. That window fan reallv cools things."
"That couldn't help much."
"Come on. Let me show you."
He urged her toward the parlor door, his arm still around her and as she moved with him to the door and across to the bedroom, she had stopped asking herself why she was doing this. She knew what was ahead.
She knew almost step by step, just what would happen. Ed would talk about the. fan but he wouldn't talk about that very much. He would get her onto the bed and go to work, and he wouldn't waste much time.
The horrible thing was that she wouldn't mind.
She was even looking forward to what would happen.
They came to the bedroom, stepped inside. The bed lamp was burning. That was the only light. Beyond the foot of the bed was a window, and in that was a large square fan, churning up the air. The temperature was not much lower than in the kitchen.
"How do you like that?" Ed asked.
Sue shook her head. "It's still too warm."
"Sure it's warm but it's better in here than outside. Try the bed. You get right in the wind stream. That helps a lot.
"You just want to get me onto the bed," Sue said bluntly.
He laughed and nodded. "Sure. Why not?"
"I ought to leave, and you know that."
"Huh-uh." He gave her a hug. Then he said, "Finish that beer. We can get more later."
She took another gulp of the beer then handed him the can, stepped forward, turned and sat down on the bed. And almost at once he was beside her. He had set the beer can aside and now he pushed her down and leaned over and kissed her, and one of his hands was already under her halter and at ioer breasts.
That was a very good kiss, a demanding kiss. His mouth was sealed against hers. In half a minute she didn't have any breath left, and she didn't have any halter. He had pulled her toward him and had reached back and unbuttoned the halter. That still hung on her arms but the garment wasn't serving any purpose.
He drew his head away for a moment. That gave her a chance to breathe, and gave him a chance to look at her breasts.
His voice was low. "Hey, these boobs axe all right. Better than I guessed."
She smiled for a moment, then she said, "Ed, did you lock the front door?"
"Sure. It's got a snap lock."
"Stinker, you planned this all the time."
"Why not? I've been wanting you for a long time."
"I never should have come in."
"You mean you don't like this? You don't like this at all?" He rolled his hand on her breasts, trying one mound then the other. He rubbed over the nipples, the blunt obstacles which stood in the way. He did that again and again, and waves of radiating impulses seemed to spread throughout her body. Once more she was short of breath. Her blood was pounding faster.
"So you don't like this," Ed said, and he laughed.
She didn't answer, didn't say anything. She didn't want to tell him how she felt. She was enjoying every moment of this. His hands seemed to be charged with electricity. She had closed her eyes, had shut him out of her mind. That might have been Ed who was doing this, but more than that, this was a man who was doing this. He was a source of excitement and of delight; her body was a responsive object.
He lifted her, moved her so she was stretched out full length on the bed, and in the process he slid down her shorts and panties. For a moment, then, he neglected her to strip off his own clothes, but that didn't take long. He was back again almost at once, his head was down on her breasts, and his hand was on her too. A very practiced, very knowing hand.
But she could try that, too, and she did, and he raised his head and laughed and said, "How do you like this now?"
"I'm going to like this," Sue answered. "What are you waiting for?"
He didn't wait any longer. He swung to her, and she rolled with every movement of his body, stirring an excitement which seemed almost out of control.
She got there, finally, to a smashing crescendo, a high plateau of enjoyment, a star-spangled finish.
Then there was a time to relax, and to wish that the window fan was a little better. The wind stream Ed had promised didn't seem to touch her.
But everything else had been fine, the can of beer, the second can, the bed and the rest.
She stretched out on the bed and she didn't even try to think.
Here she was on Ed Yorty's bed, thoroughly nude and entirely unconcerned. Very well satisfied, too. She would have said yesterday that this was an impossibility. She didn't like this man, she never had, yet she had enjoyed him as much as he had enjoyed her.
This. was a crazy, hard-to-understand world. She had a very nice husband. Once she never would have thought about going to bed with anyone else. Yet she had been tumbled by Arthur Morrell to gain a higher salary, and tonight-How could she explain tonight?
He had moved over beside her, was lying there motionless, resting. Although he was not at all attractive, in a way he had been a very good lover.
He turned toward her now, and moved his hand to rest on her breast. He spoke under his breath. "You know, we do all right together."
Sue didn't answer. Her eyes were closed. She didn't want to talk.
But Ed did. He spoke again. "We're gonna try again. We're gonna have a lot of fun, you and me, every night we can."
"How?" Sue asked bluntly. "What about Martha?"
"I told you she was in Brooklyn."
"She'll be back."
"Sure, I but we'll work things out."
"How?"
"Just leave that to me."
She shook her head but was silent She was thinking that this was all for Ed Yorty. For some strange reason she had needed him tonight but she wouldn't feel that way tomorrow night, or the next night. For a long time after she and Carl had been married she had enjoyed a nightly tumble, but then as his work and his studies seemed to pile up, there had been less and less time for love-making. Now, she was getting along pretty well, sleeping alone. Occasionally she felt an urge for something like this, but she didn't mean to let things get out of hand. Not with a man like Yorty. That was definite.
He rolled his hand on her breast, made a sound in his throat, and then said, "How about another wrestling match? I'm a pretty good man."
"How about more beer?" Sue suggested.
"Beer?"
"You said we'd have another."
"You'd rather have more beer?"
"Get the beer," Sue said. "Then we'll see how we feel."
She didn't need any more beer but after all she had to go back to Carl, and pile into bed alone, and a few more beers might help her to go to sleep.
A few more beers and a little attention from Ed Yorty.
Why not?
He wasn't much to look at.
He wasn't anyone she would ever want to. go to bed with again.
He had nothing to offer but himself, the beer, and a window fan.
But here she was on his bed, very nude and very pliable, and that was easy to stay where she was and take another tumble. That might satisfy her for a long time. That might quiet her uneasiness.
She stretched out on her back and wished Ed would hurry back with the beer.
It was quite late when she got back, but Carl was still up, still studying. He looked up at her vaguely, as though he didn't know her, but then he smiled, and asked, "Any cooler outside?"
"Not very much," Sue answered.
"You look tired."
"It's been a long day."
He motioned with one arm. "One of these days you can quit all this. We'll be able to live in a decent place. You won't have to work any more."
She had heard that story before. She had heard it many times. She was even a little tired of it. She pointed to the bed. "I've got to get to bed. So far as I can see, tomorrow is just another day."
"I'll be in bed before long," Carl said.
He did go to bed in a little while, but Sue was unaware of it. She had fallen asleep.
CHAPTER FOUR
Noel Traubert seemed to have turned inward. At home she was rather quiet, she didn't talk much. When she was out with Debby Roth or Mary Riley she seemed moody. She used to laugh rather easily. She didn't laugh any more. She used to seem bubbling with excitement, but that was in the past.
Debby frowned at her and asked, "What's wrong with you, anyhow? Are you sick or something?"
"No, I'm all right," Noel answered. "Then you're in love. That's it. Who is it? Chuck?"
"Chuck Wales? Never."
"There's nothing wrong with Chuck. He's a nice guy."
"Then you can have him."
Debby laughed. "I have. I can tell you he's not bad. He takes things easy, too. He doesn't rush you. He'd go for you, Noel, if you'd give him half a chance."
"Maybe when he's forty I'll think about that," Noel said.
At home she was the same. Fan was worried about her. Several times she seemed to be studying her daughter, then finally one evening she asked, bluntly, "What's the matter, Noel?"
"Nothing," Noel said. Then she corrected herself. "Maybe I'm a-little tired of waiting for the summer to pass."
"You mean you'd like to get back to school?"
"That's part of it, I suppose. I'd like to get a job but jobs are scarce."
"Have you been going to the library?"
"Now and then."
"The Settlement House? They have craft courses. When I was a little girl there weren't such things, places where you could do things with your hands."
"I don't like the Settlement House."
"Isn't it a nice place?"
"Maybe. But I don't like charity. I don't want to be considered a case."
"They're not like that," Fan said. "Every person I've met at the Settlement House is friendly and that's something, anyhow. There isn't much friendliness left in the world."
"I get along," Noel said.
So here she was in the mid-summer, a tall, thin, wiry girl, sixteen years old, far into her adolescence. Too far. This had been a definitive year. The years ahead would never be quite like the years which were in the past. In a sense she had grown up. She couldn't have said she was an adult or that she had gained her maturity, but at least she was no longer a child.
She knew what was wrong with her, why she was moody, silent, thoughtful, and bitter. She knew the trouble but she couldn't analyze it, couldn't set it out in a formula which made sense.
Fan was the cornerstone of her problem, or to be more explicit, Fan's blindness and the two branches of her love. Her love for Bill, and her love for her daughter.
Bill was weak, he was lazy, and he was evil, but Fan didn't look at him in that way. She saw him as a man devoted to her, a man who was physically unable to do much work. Undoubtedly it had never occurred to her that Bill might cast a lustful eye at her daughter. If she believed in Bill, then it would have been ridiculous to think of him as evil.
Noel thought and thought about what to do about Bill, and about Fan, and about herself. All three were caught together in a triangle. She thought it was an ugly triangle. Fan thought it was a pleasant triangle. Bill probably, thought it an amusing triangle.
In her deliberations, Noel realized she could destroy Bill. All she had to do was expose his attitude toward her. If Fan learned that Bill had put her to bed, she would drive him out of the house, smash him. But at the same time, this would destroy Fan. If she lost Bill she would want to die. He meant almost everything to her.
Noel had made a decision with regard to the triangle. She knew it was not a sound and enduring decision. She knew it didn't solve anything, that it was a temporizing course of action. But she could see no other course to follow. It was the first decision she had made. All her thinking had not helped.
This was what she would do: say nothing to Fan, but by day and by evening, she would avoid Bill. In the mornings she would leave the house with Fan, and she wouldn't come back until Fan returned. That meant she had to stay away from the house all day and some evenings. When Fan worked late, then she stayed away, too.
It was not easy to stay away from the house all day. It was not easy to go without lunch. And if Fan worked nights it was not easy to miss lunch and dinner. Sometimes she took a lunch from the house but that was not always possible. Sometimes she was invited to someone's home for lunch, but that didn't always happen. A week of this, of missing lunches and of staying out late, and worrying, and she lost five pounds. She was thin already. She knew she couldn't go on losing more weight but she didn't know how to avoid it.
One night, after a week and a half of this, Fan appealed to Bill. She introduced the subject at the dinner table. She frowned at Noel, then looked at her husband. "Bill, have you noticed Noel, lately?"
"How could I?" He shot a look at Noel. "She's hardly ever home. If she was my daughter, I'd keep her in more often."
"Yes. That might help," Fan said. "She does need more sleep."
Noel spoke up. "I'm doing all right. I wish you wouldn't worry about me."
"I don't want to, dear," Fan said. "But something's wrong. I can sense it."
"I've been studying a lot," Noel said. "I practically live at the library."
"The library closes at nine," Bill said. "Sometimes you don't get home until eleven."
"Then I'm at Debby's, or at Mary's. And I don't stay out every night."
Fan looked at her thoughtfully. "And nothing's wrong? Nothing at all?"
"Nothing. I feel fine."
Fan smiled, straightened, then she motioned toward the kitchen. "There isn't much to be done tonight. I can handle the dishes myself. Bill, why don't you spend a little time with Noel? I have a feeling she's lonely."
"Yeah, I'll talk to her," Bill said, and he grinned.
"I don't need to be talked to," Noel said, and she was angry.
But Fan shook her head. "Sometimes a daughter can talk to her father when she can't talk to her mother. At any rate, we'll try it. I'll do the dishes. You two stay here and talk. Or if you want to, go to the bedroom."
They went to Fan's and Bill's bedroom. Noel preferred that to her own bedroom. And she was stiff and defiant as she faced Bill. For ten days she had avoided a scene like this. She knew, of course, that someday he would corner her, and she might have a few uneasy moments. But she wasn't really worried. She and Bill were alone in the bedroom, but they weren't alone in the apartment. Fan was as near as the kitchen. Bill wouldn't dare try anything while she was here.
He stared at her curiously. "What's the matter, kid?"
She shook her head. "Nothing."'
"Don't hand me that kind of stuff. You've been keeping away from me like I had some disease. What's the idea?"
"I've had several jobs, baby sitting."
"Yeah? Where?"
"Different places in the neighborhood."
"Nope. I don't believe you. You've been dodging me, and I don't like it."
He walked toward her and as he did she backed away. But she couldn't back any farther than the door. The door stopped her.
His puzzled expression had vanished. Now, as he reached her, he was grinning, and he pinned her against the wall, his hands moving up to cover her breasts, to close around them tightly.
He lowered his voice. "Didn't I tell you I was going to work on those boobs? They're doing fine but they need a man's touch."
She pushed at him. "Leave me alone."
"Leave you alone?" He shook his head. "That's been the trouble, you've been alone too much."
"If I call Fan-"
"Go ahead, call her. What will you tell her. that I've been mauling you? She wouldn't believe you."
She probably wouldn't. Fan didn't want to believe anything evil about Bill. Her love would cover a lot of wrongs.
Bill hadn't moved when Noel had pushed at him. She pushed at him again, but he stayed where he was, holding her against the door. His hands were rolling her breasts, but suddenly that didn't satisfy him and with one hand he unbuttoned the top of her blouse, hooked one finger under her bra, and pulled that up. That freed her breasts. Now, he really had something to hold.
He pressed against her, caught her breasts with his hands and squeezed. He said, "Say, I've been missing these. And something else, too."
Noel took a quick breath. "If Fan comes in-"
"She's busy in the kitchen."
"But she's thinking of us. She might come here, just to say something and if she did-"
"She's not gonna bother us. Not for a while."
"But if she does?"
Bill laughed confidently. "You know, I bet we could take a quick tumble right here on the bed."
"No! Never!" She was startled. "Bet we could."
"No. Let me go."
"If I do, how about tomorrow night? Fan's working then. I want you to come home for supper."
"I'll try to."
"Nope. I want a promise."
A promise? What was a promise? That couldn't hold in a situation like this. She could make a promise and then change her mind. Why not? Fan might stay in the kitchen for an hour, or she might not.
"All right, I promise." The words came easily. "Now let me go."
"Tomorrow night, you come home for supper. Is that right?"
"Yes. I'll come home."
"Fair enough, but I hate to let these go."
He looked at her, his hands almost covering her breasts. He moved them around. Noel thought he was-never going to let them go, but he finally did. He dropped his hands and stepped back, then raised his head and stood listening.
"Fan's heading this way," he said suddenly. "Yon better fix up your dress."
She did, and she did so in a hurry, stepping away from the door.
Fan knocked, then she opened the door and looked in and smiled at them. "How are you two doing?"
"I'm not getting anywhere," Bill said. "How would I know how to handle a teen-age kid?"
Fan looked at her. "Well, Noel?"
"I'm tired, that's all," Noel answered, "Then I want you to get to bed early."
"I have to return a book to the library."
"That shouldn't take too long."
"No. Not too long," Noel said.
She left the house a few minutes later. She didn't have to return a library book. She wanted to get out, that was all. She wanted a chance to think, and she didn't believe it would be possible around Fan and Bill. Fan would look at her and worry, then look at Bill and her face would soften with compassion. Bill would look at Fan as though Ire idolized her, then he would scowl at her daughter. But tomorrow night he meant to put Noel to bed.
Fan was wonderful, but blind.
Bill was evil, rotten to the core.
But what about her? What about Noel? She almost hated herself.
She headed for the corner where the gang usually gathered. Debby was there talking to Hugo Tennyson. Mary Riley was leaning against the wall of the drug store, staring at nothing. There were a few others, kids of her own age with nothing much to do. Dell Underbill seemed to be alone. She was short, and almost fat. She had stringy black hair, full lips, and from what was said, she knew her way around.
Noel joined her, and they stood talking until Vance Glasser appeared. At that point, Dell swung her attention to him and after a while they left, heading in the direction of the river.
Debby noticed them leaving, and called, "Careful, Dell. Don't get near the bushes."
"Isn't that where you go?" Dell shouted back.
Several laughed, but Noel didn't. She belonged to this group, yet in a way she felt alien to them, and as though she didn't fit in any more. Maybe that was because of Bill. She could pair off half a dozen couples who were going steady, or more or less steady. Then, there were the loners, the unattached. She had always been a loner. In a way, she was still a loner, but not in truth. Bill Eberling loomed above her like a dark cloud. Bill Eberling, her stepfather, her mother's husband, a man of forty. He was supposed to have a weak back but that didn't slow him down when he was in bed.
She shook her head positively. This" was a wrong thing that Bill was doing. This was wrong for her. Tomorrow night she was supposed to go home to Bill. She had promised she would, but she hadn't meant it. And she wouldn't.
Joe Banning came back to the drug store from a delivery, but he stopped when he saw her, and he said, 'We've been missing each other. How about tonight?"
"I've got to go home tonight," Noel answered. "Fan thinks I need more sleep."
Joe laughed. "I've heard that story all my life. 'You need more sleep. You need more rest. You're a growing boy and a growing boy needs-' Nuts!"
"I know. Parents are like that."
"How soon do you have to get in?"
"No set time. A reasonable hour."
"Then stick around."
"Why?"
"We could walk to the river and back."
"You'd want to stay."
"A little while, maybe,"
"How about tomorrow night?"
"I'm not sure about tomorrow night. Can't you stick around a while tonight? I'll be through in fifteen minutes."
Noel shrugged. "I'll think about it."
She did think about it, vaguely. It wasn't hard to figure out what Joe wanted. A little time in the narrow park along the river, some heavy loving, and a tumble if he could manage that. Hugo would take her to the park for the same reason. Or Chuck Wales. Or any of the other guys.
She shook her head and she thought, I'm not about to take a tumble in the park. I can't ever change what'? happened, I can't wipe out what Bill did, but I don't have to take any more either. Not from Bill. Not from anyone.
She meant that, very definitely, but she didn't want to go home yet. She didn't want to get there until Bill and Fan were ready for bed. She didn't want to bo lectured. At least Joe wouldn't lecture her. When he finished his work in the drug store and came outside, she joined him and they headed for the river.
"I told you I couldn't stay," she told him. "I've got to get home."
"All right, we'll get home." He didn't seem worried. "We won't stop in the park very long."
Her lips twitched. "Then you won't get very far, will you?"
"Why do you say that?"
"I was just warning you."
"We'll have other nights."
"Sure."
"Tonight we'll just get started."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know. You're trying to write out what will happen. How do I know what will happen?"
"I do," Noel said. "But don't worry. You might do much better with the next, girl you meet."
He turned and scowled at her. "What's the matter with you, anyhow? You didn't used to act like this."
"Maybe I didn't, but maybe I'm older."
"Not much older."
"Then wiser, Joe."
"Yeah? Which guy did that?"
She shook her head and smiled. At least no one would ever guess who had introduced her. Bill wouldn't boast, nor would she. This was a secret she would keep forever.
They reached the park on the river. It should have been crowded for the night was still warm, but a good many people avoided the park after dark. It wasn't supposed to be a safe place to spend the evening. Joe didn't seem to worry about that, however, and it didn't occur to Noel that this was a dangerous place to be. Besides, she didn't mean to stay very long.
They sat down on the grass, in the shadow of a clump of shrubbery. They had companions here and there, several dark, indistinct figures. They heard whisperings, giggles. From some couples there was silence.
They sat down, but Joe pulled her to the ground, pulled her into his arms, and started kissing her.
She had expected that, she had expected more. This was the pattern to be followed. Passionate kisses, then fumbling hands working over, her clothes, a pressure of body against body, and if you could manage, if you could work past the clothes, you went all the way.
Noel didn't mean to go that far. The kissing was all right. The fumbling hands were all right too, so long as they didn't go too far. She was asking herself a vague question. Why was she here? Why had she come to the park with Joe Banning? He was all right but she certainly didn't love him. She didn't love anyone. Chuck Wales? She had let him go about as far as anyone could without going all the way, but she wasn't in love with him. So, if she felt that way about Joe, why was she here?
A possible answer crossed her mind. She was here to wipe out the misery of what Bill had done to her.
Maybe that was true. Bill had taken her but she didn't belong to him, and she never 'would. He was older. Joe was of her own crowd. With Joe, more than with Bill, was where she belonged, but not to go all the way. Not until she wanted to. Not until she had to, of her own choice.
She was using her head. At least, she thought she was.
Joe was kissing her, and he was really good at that; his kiss was passionate. In just a little while she was out of breath, and she broke away, but he closed in again, and that was very exciting, being kissed like this.
Bill never kissed her.
But Joe seemed to love kissing and the way he did that was all right. His hand was getting busy, too, across her breasts, very lightly at first, then more positively, curving around one breast, then the other. She knew the instant when he started unbuttoning her blouse. She felt his hand creeping under the cloth of her brassiere. He brushed over one of the nipples and a shot of excitement ran through her body.
She thought, I'm going to want him but I've got to stop him.. I'm never going to be loved in a park.
Her brassiere was impeding his hand and he raised his head and said, "Clothes. I hate them."
"You mean you hate them sometimes, like now."
"Yes. Like now."
"You can't undress in a public park."
"Maybe not all the way, but part way." She shook her head. "Not tonight, Joe." His hand was already under her dress, sliding on her leg.
"More clothes," Noel said. "They can be taken off."
"Not tonight, Joe."
"I don't see why not."
"Can I tell you why?"
"Sure, but-"
"This is all right-this far. But this is all. I made a promise to myself, once, never to love in a park, or in a car, or in a back yard or on a roof." .
"Lots of people do in the park."
"But I don't."
"I don't see why not."
"Get a bed, Joe."
"A bed? Where am I going to get a bed?"
"I don't know."
"I think you're crazy."
"Maybe I am."
He leaned over, started kissing her again and that prowling hand under her skirt began to get somewhere. She was getting more and more excited. She was almost at some limit, and she knew that, and if this was going to be a frustrating experience to Joe she was sorry.
He raised his head to speak, and his voice was low and imploring, "Noel! I've got to-"
He moved his hand, reached for the top of her panties and started pulling them down. But he didn't get far. Noel didn't help. She lay flat on the grass, holding the panties where they were, and she said, "No, Joe. Never like this."
"Noel, I've got to."
"No."
"Please, Noel."
"No. Not tonight, Joe."
They didn't end the evening on a very good note. Joe seemed half angry, cheated. He stalked beside her as they walked home, and he didn't say much. He didn't kiss her when he left her, he didn't even squeeze her arm. He just turned away and left.
Noel watched him from the door, and in a way she was uneasy. She told herself that the evening had been a failure. That wasn't right to start something, then back out. That wasn't right that she had enjoyed herself while Joe hadn't. That had happened before when she was protecting herself, but circumstances had changed. She knew the score. She had gone all the way. And if you have, that wasn't right to tease a man and then back out. Next time she went out with Joe- But that probably wouldn't happen. He wouldn't waste any time on her.
Fan and Bill were still up, watching TV, when she went inside, and both frowned at her.
Fan said, "I thought you wanted to get to sleep early."
"I just got to talking to some of the kids," Noel answered. "It's not very late."
"Why don't you sleep late?" The woman smiled. "It's nice of you to get up every morning and have breakfast with me. But sleep if you can."
"I like to get up early," Noel said. "I wish you wouldn't worry about me."
"But I do, and I suppose I always will. Come over and kiss me good night."
She did. Fan wasn't overly demonstrative but she clutched at Noel and held her tightly for a moment. She made a low comment. "I'm a very lucky woman to have a daughter like you."
"I'm a lucky girl to have a mother like you," Noel said.
Over her head Noel was looking toward Bill. He had stopped watching the TV and was staring at her, a wide grin on his face. She couldn't have guessed what he was thinking.
In another moment she turned away, toward her bedroom, but Fan called after her. "I do wish you'd sleep in the morning."
"I'll try to," Noel answered.
"Now say good night to Bill."
She turned her head in his direction. "Good night, Bill."
He waved his hand casually. "Good night, kid. And listen to your mother. A little more sleep wouldn't hurt you a bit."
Noel walked on to her bedroom and the moment she got there she set the alarm clock for seven in the morning. It wasn't always easy to get up when the alarm rang. Quite often she was sleepy and tired, and it would have been wonderful to stay in bed. But she didn't want to be caught by Bill, either. So she had to get up every week day. She had to get up and get away.
She didn't go to sleep right away. It was rather strange, but she didn't spend any time at all thinking about Joe Banning. The ugly triangle was on her mind. The triangle made up of Bill, Fan, and herself. How was she going to get out of it In some way or other she had to. She loved her mother, loved her deeply-And Fan loved her, but she loved Bill even more. Bill was her man and she needed him. Noel could destroy Bill to save herself but in the process Fan would be crushed. That would never be fair. She loved her mother too much to think about it.
She thought and thought but her mind was going in a circle. It was a long time before she went to sleep.
She woke up the next morning, startled, shocked, aware all at once that Bill was on her bed with her, cradling her in his arm, and she stiffened, gasped and then whispered, "Fan!!"
The man laughed. "Fan? That's not my name. I'm Bill, remember?"
"But Fan?"
"She's already gone to work. She even woke me up to tell me to be ciuiet so you could sleep."
When she first woke up all she could think of was that it was morning and that Bill shouldn't be here because Fan was here. But if Fan was gone-
Was that possible? Was Fan gone? Why hadn't she awakened when the alarm rang? She couldn't have been so sleepy she wouldn't have heard the alarm.
She was still trying to understand what had happened and she said, "The alarm. I should have heard the alarm."
"Your maw turned that off," Bill said. "She came in here after you went to sleep, turned off the alarm. She said she was sure you would forgive her."
"Then she's gone."
"Yep. Fan's gone. And here we are, you and me."
He pulled her close, held her tightly in his arms, his arms around her, his hands at her breasts She was entirely nude. She slept that way. If Bill used pajamas he wasn't wearing them now.
She would stay right here where she was, and she would let Bill do whatever he wanted. She had been caught, and there was no escape.
He had loosened his arms slightly and both of his hands were at her breasts, rolling them around, ruffing them.
He spoke confidently. "You're gonna like this. You're gonna want me every morning."
Noel didn't answer but she told herself, Never again! If I have to run away-
He spoke again. "You know, I'm pretty good in the morning. There's nothing like a session in the morning. That's the best way there is to start the day. How do you like this?"
He was still rolling her breasts, mashing them down, pushing them together. Noel tried, desperately, not to think about what he was doing. She shook her head. "I wish you wouldn't. I don't like this at all."
"You're crazy, kid. You love this."
"I keep thinking about Fan."
"Fan? Why? This isn't hurtin' her any."
"But she's your wife."
"Sure she is. Mighty good wife, too. Good in bed when she's not tired. But this doesn't have anything to do with Fan. This isn't going to hurt her."
"If she found out-"
"Who's gonna tell her? Quit thinking, kid. Start feeling. Let me give you a rule about love, one that's pretty important. When you get onto a bed with a guy, stop thinking, and don't do anything but react. That's the ticket, kid. Listen to your emotions."
"I-I can't."
"Sure you can. Try."
"I don't want to."
"That's your head talking.-I said react, don't do nothing else. Look at what I'm doing. Let yourself go."
"No, I can't."
He laughed easily. "You're gonna get there. Don't worry. You did pretty well first time we tried. You'll do a lot better this morning. Just wait and see."
She looked up at the ceiling, thought about Fan and tears filled her eyes. She closed them tightly, tried not to think, tried not to feel. But that was impossible. Bill had changed position. One arm had been under her shoulders but he drew that away and now his head was at her breast.
He raised his head. "These are coming along fine. We're gonna build 'em up, kid."
She was getting excited. She hadn't wanted to, she had fought, but this was a losing battle, and she knew that. She had planned never to be caught like this but she had been tricked, and here she was, once more in bed with Bill. She didn't want to enjoy this and in her mind she wouldn't, but that seemed impossible to control the reaction of her emotions. Strains of excitement were running through her body. Her heart was working faster, her blood was pounding harder. She was getting short of breath.
One of his hands shoved along her body just as that had the first time and that hand of his was where that shouldn't be. But what a wonderful feeling that gave her. She moved, twisting her body. She hadn't wanted to react, this way but she couldn't help herself.
Bill raised his head. He had felt the movement of her body and he said, "So you like that, huh? I knew you would."
She had stopped fighting her feelings. Why should she any more? She wouldn't change things at all if she tried to choke off her emotions. What was happening was an unchangeable fact. She couldn't shut her eyes to that, and she probably couldn't turn off her emotions.
She was twisting with the movements of his body. She was building up a storm. No, the storm was already there. This was the top right now, and she let go and that was like everything going to pieces, falling apart.
A high, grand moment, and she wished that could go on and on.
That was wrong, and horrible, but wonderful.
Bill rolled away and lay beside her, and finally he said. "Well kid, how was that? Pretty good, huh?"
She didn't answer. Her eyes were still closed. She felt calm, relaxed, almost sleepy, and she didn't want to talk.
But Bill did. Bill liked to talk. She was on her back and now he put one of his hands on her breasts possessively, and said, "Kid, we're gonna have a great day. We've got all morning, all afternoon, and all evening. You're gonna get tumbled like no one ever got tumbled before. This is a day you're gonna remember."
She still didn't answer but she thought, All day. No, I can never take this all day. I've got to get away.
He spoke again. "It's still early. We'll stay here for a while, maybe then we'll get breakfast. And after that, know what?"
She could guess what he was thinking.
"Breakfast, then back to bed," Bill said, and he laughed. "You may not get much rest, but you're gonna get bedded."
She stirred uneasily, then she spoke. "I've got to go to the bathroom."
"Sure. Go ahead."
She rolled away, got up, and walked to the bathroom and tried to plan. It was still in her mind that she had to get away. A day with Bill was more than she could stand. When she left here now the thing to do was get dressed, and walk out. Maybe she couldn't just do that, but she could say she was going to the kitchen to start the coffee. Some of the washing was in a basket in the kitchen. That would take care of her underclothes. And most likely Fan would have ironed a dress for her. That would be hanging in the kitchen. Yes, she could get away if she was smart, and she would.
She got up, looked at herself in the mirror. Her breasts were a little pinker than usual. They would be worse if she didn't leave. And what did he mean about building them up? Did that help a girl's breasts if they were manhandled? Some of the girls said so, but she doubted them. Anyhow, her breasts were doing all right. They were large enough already.
She left the bathroom, walked toward the bed. She really didn't look bad and she knew that. He turned back the sheet which covered him. "All right, kid. I'm just about ready for you."
"I thought I'd start the coffee," she answered.
"It's all ready. Fan made a pot while you were still sleeping. We'll have some after while. There's no hurry."
"Then I ought to see that it doesn't boil away."
"It's automatic. It won't boil away and it doesn't need to be warmed."
"I could make sure it's safe."
"We're just wasting time, kid."
She could find some excuse to go to the kitchen. She could get away if she wanted to and she could stay away. But what about tomorrow morning?
If she ran away, what would happen tomorrow morning?
She could predict almost exactly what would happen.
She would go to bed tonight after setting the alarm to awaken her in the morning, but after going to sleep Mther Fan or Bill would come in and shut off the alarm lever. Fan would do that to insure that she got more sleep. Bill would do that to keep her on tap for the morning. Whatever the reason, she would oversleep and would wake up with Bill at her side.
If she stayed home she was trapped. There was no way to escape.
If she ran away, Fan would never understand. She would hurt her terribly.
She couldn't stay home, she couldn't run away. Any way you looked, the situation was impossible.
Bill was up on one elbow. "What's wrong, kid? What's the matter?"
"I'm thinking about Fan."
"Fan? Why worry about Fan? She's happy enough. She's got you and she's got me. What could be any finer?"
"But you and me-"
He laughed at her. "This is just something extra, something for you and me to enjoy. What we do doesn't hurt Fan a bit. I'm a lucky guy-two women in my family. I'm gonna keep this that way. Now are you gonna get in bed or do I have to go after you?"
She hesitated. She could still make some excuse, go to the kitchen, get away, but what would that amount to, really? If she got away today Bill would have her again tomorrow morning. Actually, there was no way to escape. She was trapped, beautifully trapped.
"Come on, kid," Bill said. "I'm getting impatient. Like I said, in the mornings I'm pretty good."
She knew she should have turned away but she didn't. Instead, she took one more step, to the bed. She had one guilty twinge, but that was all. Bill pulled her into his arms, rolled her onto her back, and settled his head to her breasts, and once more a tingle of excitement ran through her body.
She thought, Here I go again. And I will again, and again. From now on I'll be like this, maybe every week day morning, and a' good many afternoons and evenings when Fan is away. This will become a regular part of my life. I'll be almost like a wife.
He was still kissing her breasts. He would keep that up for a time, then that hand of his would reach out and she would stop thinking altogether.
But through her mounting excitement she could still do a little thinking and she realized that when she went to bed tonight she would alter one of her habits.
Tonight, she would not set the alarm clock.
And tomorrow morning, when she awoke, she wouldn't be alone.
This was to be her life, from now on. This was to be her lot, and if that was the case, she might as well enjoy herself.
Her laugh was a little shaky, but she laughed.
CHAPTER FIVE
Joe Banning knew that he should have been fairly happy, but he wasn't. This made him uneasy, unsure of himself, and a little nervous. He tried to analyze himself, tried to understand the trouble, but it was not easy to find the proper answers. On what might have been the credit side of his ledger were a number of items. On the debit side were only a few things. The balance should have been much in his favor, but it wasn't. And there was his problem.
For instance, he had a job. It was not much of a job but he had one, and most kids his age didn't. He was making money in addition to his job. Tips, and what might be called a bonus from Olga Parkington. But money wasn't everything. He was healthy, he got along with the gang. He got along with his employer and the others in the drug store. His folks didn't bother him. All these things were in his favor. Definitely, he should have been very well satisfied with himself. But he wasn't.
Why he wasn't happy was hard to explain. He didn't like to have to work until nine-twenty every night, but that was a little thing. He enjoyed but he didn't like his occasional sessions with Olga Parkington. In fact, this relationship disturbed him a lot. Another thing. Serena O'Bannion hadn't sent for him again and that worrier) him. His short evening session with her had been ideal, at least he had thought so. But she hadn't sent for him again, and that upset him. Another thing which disturbed him was his failure with Noel. He had walked her to the river one night and he had gone quite a way with her but she had stopped him before he could go all the way. He wasn't sare he would ever learn why he had failed.
It was strange, but of all the girls around, she was the one he wanted. He didn't know why, but that was the way he felt.
So here he was, Joe Banning, in the summer of his seventeenth year, working, making money, and wanting Noel, but he couldn't get her. Or Serena, who seemed to have forgotten him.
Olga Parkington remembered him too well.
He was dusting some of the back shelves, and being as quiet as he could. He didn't want Mr. Morrell to notice him. Mr. Morrell might think up a harder job. He was like that, a gruff man who liked to show his authority.
It was a dull afternoon. There were not many customers, except at the fountain. There, Carter Harris was busy every moment. Sue Dorchester was on her stool at the cash register. Mr. Morrell was back at his desk. Mr. Kendrick was behind the prescription counter, taking it easy.
From where Joe was dusting he had a good view of Sue's legs, and the bulge of one of her breasts. But then he had seen a better view of her legs than this, and a better view of her breasts. He would probably never forget how she had looked flat on the floor in the back aisle of the supply room with Mr. Morrell stepping aside to adjust his clothing. What a scene! What a tumble!
Joe wondered, idly, how many times the scene had been repeated. And how many times Mr. Kendrick had been one of the principals. He had never seen Mr. Kendrick in action.
He wondered about another thing. Did Mr. Morrell and Mr. Kendrick know about each other's interest in Sue Dorchester? A very nice question. Who came first so far as Sue was concerned? What chance would he have with Sue? What would she be like if he got his chance? How could he approach her?
These were nothing but speculative questions to occupy his thoughts. None of this was very important to him. He was almost sure he would never make out with Sue. He didn't know how to approach her. She treated him like a child, like someone who wasn't important. If he tried to proposition her she would laugh. He was sure of that.
The telephone rang. Mr. Morrell answered it, made some notes on a pad, then went out and selected several items and packaged them. After that he called Joe.
"Here's an order to be delivered," Morrell said. "But you're to deliver it on your way home, after nine. Don't forget it."
"Where is it?" Joe asked.
"The Kim-Bar Towers."
He took a quick breath. Serena O'Brannion lived in the Kim-Bar Towers. If this was an order for her and if he was to make the delivery after nine, he wouldn't have to return to the drug store. He would have the rest of the evening off, which would be wonderful.
Mr. Morrell spoke again. "This is for a Mrs. O'Bannion. I wonder if I don't know her. The name seems familiar."
Joe looked away. The world was suddenly beautiful. He thought, Maybe you know her, Mr. Morrell, but you don't know her like I do. She has a mole just below the ribs on the right side. What do you think of that?
With that one thought he wiped Mr. Morrell out of his mind, made him small. It was funny how important you could be just by thinking.
He had a date for tonight, a sub rosa date, but it was very real. Very exciting. Serena hadn't forgotten him. At this moment he felt as important as Mr. Morrell, and much taller.
Mr. Morrell left at about eight o'clock, following a telephone conversation with his wife. What had happened to call him away Joe could guess. And he didn't care except that if Mr. Morrell had to leave before closing time, then Mr. Kendrick was in charge. And if Mr. Kendrick stayed after nine, and persuaded Sue to stay, and if Joe wasn't there to sweep out, then what might happen between Sue and Mr. Kendrick?
He didn't care, really, but this was a nice question, and during the last hour he watched Mr. Kendrick, and Sue, and he wasn't much surprised when Mr. Kendrick and Sue had a whispered conversation.
She shook her head.
Mr. Kendrick insisted on something, or he seemed to be insisting on something. Sue shook her head again.
Mr. Kendrick went on talking and this time Sue seemed to be thinking. Then she said something and Mr. Kendrick straightened a little.
He said something more, then he went back to the prescription counter and disappeared behind it.
Sue looked thoughtful.
Joe thought, They've made a deal, or maybe Sue is just thinking about a deal. We'll see what happens at closing time.
At nine o'clock, Mr. Kendrick called him and said, "Joe, how about this order? You're supposed to deliver it as soon as possible after nine."
"I'll deliver it," Joe said.
"You'd better get started."
"Aren't you going to close up?"
"I will. I still have some things to do."
Sue was still at the cash register, busy at something. Usually she was ready to leave promptly at nine. Tonight she was taking her time. Joe nodded to himself. He thought he knew what was going to happen after he left and after they locked the door. Sue would make a trip to the rear of the supply room. Mr. Kendrick would be there, too. And tonight he'd get what he wanted.
That might be a good tumble, but not as good as the one he was headed for-he hoped. Why hadn't Serena called him before? What would she say when he appeared at the door? What would happen before he left? He was so excited he was out of breath before he had walked a block. Crossing the next street he was almost hit by a car. He was that anxious.
Serena answered the door. Her smile dazzled him. And what she was wearing made his heart jump. The first time he had been here she had been in shorts and a halter, and she had shown him a lot of tanned skin and a few beautiful curves. Tonight he could see hardly any of her skin. She was wearing a pale blue negligee, of some soft material that swayed in the draft of air from the corridor and was so thin it hid hardly any of her body. He could look right through the gown. He tried to say something but he couldn't.
Serena laughed. "Come on in, Joe. I've missed you."
He had dropped his eyes. He had been looking at her breasts, at the curve of her hips, at the shape of her legs. But now he made himself raise his head and he said, "You didn't call. I kept waiting but you didn't call."
"I couldn't call you," Serena said. "Oliver has been here, but tonight he's gone. He'll be away for a week. Won't that be wonderful? Come on in and close the door."
He stepped inside, closed the door, and then he just stood there. He knew he was supposed to step forward and take the woman in his arms. All the signs said that, yet he hesitated. She was so beautiful, so desirable, so completely a woman it was hard to realize that she was his. At least, his for a night. No, for a week. An entire week. This was too amazing to be real.
She raised her arms and her voice sounded puzzled. "Don't you want me?"
He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "I-I of course I do."
He walked toward her and took her into his arms, and that was strange, but as soon as he had her in his arms, he seemed to grow in stature so that he was more important, more dominant. He found her lips, and kissed her, and that was a very satisfactory kiss, so intense that left him breathless.
She drew away for a moment, finally, and she was almost out of breath herself but she could still say, "Are we going to stand here all evening?"
He shook his head. "No. Not all evening."
"Then get rid of that package you're holding and that's digging me in the back, and take me to the bedroom."
He released her for a moment, found a table on which to place the package, and turned back and slipped his arm around her waist. He led her toward the bedroom. With more practice he would have lifted her into his arms, but he was pretty new at this kind of relationship.
The lights in the bedroom were low. He looked around noticing the bed, the furniture. He remembered this place quite well. He remembered crouching on the bed, rubbing Serena's back.
He would never forget that moment. The sight of her breasts, so near and so perfect. All he could do was stare at them. He had even been afraid to touch them until Serena had taken his hand and put that on one of the soft, warm mounds.
But he had learned quickly from that moment. He wouldn't hesitate tonight. He wasn't afraid of her any more, and, more important, he was no longer unsure of himself. He knew what she expected. He knew what he could do.
She pointed to the bed. "See. I have the covers turned down. Wasn't that thoughtful?"
"Very thoughtful," Joe said. "And I like what you're wearing. That makes, you look more beautiful."
She seemed pleased. "You like this? Really?"
"Very much, but I'm going to take that off."
She laughed and leaned against him. "I expected you would."
"Right now," Joe said.
They had reached the bed and now he turned her and for a moment his fingers struggled with the tie-strings at the throat of her negligee. Then he opened them, pushed the folds back, and let the gown slide from her shoulders and arms. There was no garment beneath, and he couldn't help pulling her into his arms again.
The woman submitted, but then she made a protest. "Your clothes are rough. That would be a lot better if they were gone."
"That's what's going to happen next," Joe promised. And he second her into his arms, put her on the bed, and started undressing.
She had turned on her side, toward him, and she watched with a frank interest as he undressed. Briefly, he was embarrassed, but he knew he shouldn't feel that way. If her unclothed body didn't worry her, why should he feel any different?
That didn't take long to get undressed, and get onto the bed, and take Serena into his arms again. She had pulled up a light covering and that was strange how much more exciting that was when they were really in bed.
He kissed her again and he made that a real kiss, but at the same time one of his hands was on her breasts, touching them gently, shaping up the sides, rubbing over the nipples. He felt them grow and lift up, and he could sense her growing excitement.
Her own hands were busy, just as before. They reached along his body, touching him possessively. And if that was fair for her, the same was fair for him, so he touched her the same way.
He did something else, and this was on his own. He moved his head against her breasts. This seemed to make her almost crazy. Her head started rolling and he thought, Now is the time! He didn't want to leave her breasts. He had found them very interesting. But they weren't going away. They would still be there later. The evening was very, very young.
He swung closer to her, then let her guide him. She had moved her arms to clutch him around the shoulders, and she kept moving, constantly. There was a pattern to the way she moved. He picked up the same rhythm.
But he couldn't do that very long. The excitement which had been piling up for him got to be too much to be controlled. He tried to hold back, he did for a time, then he had to let go, and this was a very good moment.
That seemed to be very. good for her, too.
The excitements rushed away, but not the good feeling of satisfaction, the pleasure of a quiet relaxation.
He spoke slowly. "Mind if I don't move?"
She shook her head. "Stay as long as you want to."
He was silent for a moment, then he said. "Your breasts-T kind of neglected them."
"I didn't think so."
"But I did. You know. I think I like them."
"They're just breasts."
"No. They're special," Joe said. "They'll always be special."
He felt wonderful, satisfied, relaxed. After a time he rolled away a bit but he drew her into his arms and that was pleasant to hold her, particularly since he was holding her breasts. She smelled very nice, too, and she was warm and soft, and she nestled against him as though she belonged there.
For a long time they didn't talk, they just rested. Joe did a little thinking. He had one uncomfortable moment, realizing that Serena was much older than he and that she was married, and that he couldn't have her whenever he wanted her. But that was the way life was. Not many things were perfect. You adjusted yourself to the facts which faced you. You made the best deals you could. Serena didn't belong to him. She never could. But if he could have her occasionally, that would be fine.
One or two other things worried him. Serena was beautiful, desirable, and still young. Surely she could have had her choice of a hundred lovers, more mature, more attractive. Why then had she picked him? He didn't know. He might never know the answer. Another thing. Who was she, really? He didn't know how she thought, what she believed, what she was like.
She stirred in his arms, stretched, turned toward him, then spoke and she sounded sleepy. "I think I must have been napping."
"You were," Joe answered.
"Umm. Did I snore?"
"Not even once."
"Maybe you slept."
"Almost."
"I think that would be nice to sleep with you all night. Do you have to go home?"
"I ought to telephone my parents. I can say I am staying with a friend."
"Do you want to?"
"Yes I do, very much. That is, I want to stay if-if-"
"If it's safe? Don't worry. You have nothing to worry about. Oliver won't be back. I am sure of that. But if you stay you might not get much sleep. I might keep you awake."
He laughed easily. "I might do that to you."
"Mmm. You're nice."
"Only that?"
"You're very good, and that's all I'll say."
He smiled, and reached out and touched one of her breasts and he had forgotten all about the difference in their ages. He seemed to be aware of a new confidence in himself. He and Serena went together very well.
She spoke his name. "Joe-"
"What?"
"I want you to like me, but not too much. We can have most of the next week, but then I don't know. For days I won't be able to see you."
He frowned, but nodded. "I know."
"I want you to love me but I don't want you to fall in love with me. There is a difference."
He was silent, weighing what she had said.
She spoke again. "I want to tell you a little about me. I am a very much married woman. Oliver is older than me, but I like him very much. We get along quite well. I don't want to disturb our relationship. We are good, companions, Oliver and I. We don't have much of a time in bed, but that's all right. Do you understand what I am saying?"
"I think so."
"You don't hate me for wanting you like this?"
"Why should I?"
He was thinking, thinking hard. He wasn't sure he was right, but he thought Serena had chosen him because he was young enough to be safe. He was old enough to give her all the exercise she needed in bed, but he wasn't old enough to complicate her life.
That added up. He was being used.
But if he was being used, he was using her, too. And he was learning. At the same time this was fun.
"There's a telephone over there on the bed stand," Serena said. "Do you want to telephone your folks and explain you won't be home?"
He nodded. "Sure, I'll call them."
"Are you sure you want to?"
"Of course I am."
"I just want you to be sure," Serena said. "If you make that telephone call and decide to stay, I'm going to get up and turn off all the lights, then get in bed with you, and I won't give you a minute's peace. Are you hat brave, and reckless?"
Joe grinned. He was really doing very well. He said, "Start turning off the lights. I'll make my telephone call and I'll be ready for you. I'm not afraid of you, not a bit."
Sue Dorchester had half expected the proposition Howard Kendrick made that night when Mr. Morrell had to go home at eight. His departure left the closing of the store to Kendrick, and she knew that Joe could stay tonight to do the cleaning. That meant that at nine promptly, the doors could be locked. And if Howard could persuade her to stay for a time-
Definitely, she would say no.
Definitely, she did, when he suggested that she help him a little tonight, after closing.
This was just an excuse, but he said, "Sue, I'm a little behind in the records I've got to keep. If you could stay a little while after we close the store-"
Her lips twitched. "No deal, Howard."
"I wouldn't keep you long."
"You mean you'd rush. No thanks."
He frowned at her, then looked away. "I suppose you still want a room in a first-class hotel."
"Why not? I'm no tramp."
"I know that. It's just-it's just hard to walk into a first-class hotel and take a room with no baggage. We wouldn't have a chance."
"Then you don't have a chance."
He hesitated, then lowered his voice. "I'm going to tell you something I never want you to repeat. I don't do this often and you could never prove it, but the other day I sold some medicine without a prescription. I picked up an extra twenty dollars. Wouldn't twenty dollars buy you a pretty nice dress?"
She was startled. And she was angered. What kind of a person did Howard think she was? A hustler?
Someone who could be bought? Not at all. She wasn't like that. She wanted to reach out and slap Howard on the face but she didn't. Joe Banning was watching them. If she started anything-
Howard was still talking. "Don't get mad at me, Sue. Don't get me wrong. The only reason I took a chance to sell the medicine was that I needed the twenty to rent a room. Are you listening to me? Are you?"
She had stiffened. "I don't know."
"I took a chance," Howard said. "I sold some morphine without a prescription. I could go to jail for that, but I thought that if I could pick up twenty dollars extra I could afford a hotel room. Then I got to thinking. We need more than twenty dollars. We need baggage and a reservation, and all that takes time. Instead of spending the twenty dollars, why not just give the cash to you?"
She took a sharp breath. "I told you-"
"I know what you told me. A bed in a first-class hotel. And you can have that. I'll dig up the baggage, I'll phone for a reservation. But it seems it might be a lot more practical to give you the twenty dollars. Think about it, anyhow."
He turned away, walked to his place behind the prescription counter, and Sue thought, Never! What does he think I am? She raised her head and saw that Joe Banning was still watching her. There was a too-knowing look in his eyes, a smirk on his lips. He seemed to be reading her mind, and he might have been doing that. But not completely. Not this thought. I'll stay some night with him. I'll get him in the back of the store, and make him scream for mercy. That's what he needs-someone to cut him down to size.
But she didn't go on thinking about Joe. She tried not to think about anything. It was well after eight.
Soon it would be nine and she could go home to Carl. But Carl would be smothered by his work. Or if he didn't work he would pile into bed and fall asleep. He might even be too tired to kiss her good night.
She could go to Carl, and Carl was like nothing.
There had been a time when she could go to Ed Yorty, but Ed's wife was back home again, and he wasn't available.
Of course, that should have been all right. She had a place to go tonight. She even had a husband, and if he wasn't very loving it was because he was working for the future. Someday, Carl would have time for her. Maybe.
She looked toward Howard and she wondered what that would be like if she stayed. At least she would get a little attention, and twenty dollars. Twenty dollars! Why not? She could use twenty dollars, and if she took it, who else would know anything-about it? She had taken a tumble from Arthur Morrell, but that had been a business proposition. She hadn't let him touch her since. She had gone to bed with Ed Yorty because she wanted to. Now, if she let Howard take her, and if she accepted the twenty dollars, did that make her a pro? No, not at all. A pro was in business. She wasn't like that at all.
She knew right now what she was going to do, but she didn't yet admit that to herself. She was going to stay tonight, and take the twenty dollars. But the twenty dollars was extra. She was going to stay chiefly because of some need which was crying for attention.
What had her life become? Dull. Routine. Unexciting. She had a home and a husband, but her husband was too busy to notice her and her home was ugly, uninspiring. She worked on a dreary job. There was no sparkle in her life, nothing to keep her going. But if she spent an extra half hour with Howard in the back of the supply room, at least she would be manhandled, and that was always fun. She didn't know what that would be like to be tumbled by Howard, but that might turn out to be a ball.
Sue was doing a nice bit of rationalizing, but she didn't think about it that way. She was reaching for a justification of what she meant to do. How important was the twenty dollars? She didn't know. Maybe very important, but she would accept it casually, as something extra. Nice but not really necessary.
It was nine o'clock. Carter Harris, who ran the fountain, left right on the button. Joe followed him with the package he had to deliver. Sue took more time, checking the cash register tape with the cash, and getting the cash ready to be deposited in the floor safe. She was a little excited. She still hadn't admitted to herself what she meant to do, but she knew what she would do when Howard walked toward her.
She would hesitate.
Maybe she would be persuaded to stay. Maybe-
He walked toward her, touched her shoulder lightly. "Should I lock up, Sue?"
She didn't raise her head. "I haven't finished."
"If I don't lock up, someone will walk in."
"Then maybe you'd better lock up."
He turned away, walked to the front door, locked it, and clicked off most of the lights. There was still a light at the cash register. It would stay on all night. There were still lights in the prescription department.
Howard walked back, came up beside her and he was smiling. "Are you going to stay for a time?"
She took a deep breath. "I might."
He held out his hand. "Here. Take this. Look after it. I'd hate to spend it on a hotel room, although that might be fun some time."
Sue took the folded bill he was offering her. She slipped it into her purse and she had one bad moment-thinking. Now I've been bought, and paid for. But not if I don't feel that way. Not if I don't make a practice of this.
"Want to go back with me?" Howard asked.
She didn't answer but she nodded. She know where she was going. Back out of sight from the window into the rear of the supply room. They would be on the hard floor, like two animals.
She knew this, and that was amazing, hut she was looking forward to what would happen. She was excited, thrilled, and she knew she shouldn't feel that way, but she did. She wanted to be manhandled. She wanted to be loved, she wanted to be tumbled and she hoped Howard wouldn't be too gentle.
Why did she feel that way?
Maybe she was just a normal woman who felt the need of being wanted, of being desired, of being used. She wasn't getting love at home, so she had to get that somewhere else.
Howard led the way around the prescription counter. He clicked out all but one light, then led her on to the back aisle, and turned and took her in his arms. He had done that before.
He kissed her and he did that very well, but he had done that before.
He got his hand under the top of her dress and he plundered her breasts, and he had done that before.
Then he got her down onto the floor, eased her down slowly, and this was new. But this was in the program for the evening and she offered no objections.
You can love almost anywhere. You can love on the hard boards of a floor, and that can even be exciting. Arthur Morrell had taken her that way, but he had been in a hurry, and he hadn't been much fun. Howard was much better. He wasn't in any hurry. He was interested in her breasts. His hands were interested: so was his kiss. He took a little time right there and Sue loved that. He even got a little rough, which was all right. This was what she had wanted.
Then he reached under the hem of her dress, and when he started in that direction that took him about six seconds to reach all the way to the top of her panties, and to pull them down. Up to this point he hadn't been hurrying, but for a time, now, he would be. He was ready. And she was ready, too.
He crawled to her and he seemed very well satisfied. He moved and she was aware of the hard boards of the floor bruising her. She was quite aware of that but she couldn't help what was happening.
Who cared about bruises? Things were happening for her, exciting things, exploding feelings, a roaring river of pleasure. She was being tossed along and she never wanted to stop.
Finally she had to, but that was wonderful, and very promptly Howard moved away.
Then he crouched beside her. "Are you all right?"
"I think so." She smiled crookedly.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I must have gotten excited."
"I'm sure you did. Let me see if I can sit up."
She did, and with no trouble. She knew she might find a few sore spots tomorrow, but after all, this had been worth that. You didn't get anything in this world for nothing.
He sounded worried. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"I'll live, Howard. But next time-"
"Yes, I know. Next time, a bed."
He stood up, straightened his clothing, and she was annoyed by how simple that was for a man. After an affair like this a woman always had to readjust her brassiere, put on her panties and maybe a girdle. Then she had to fix her hair. Things were never fair between the sexes. The man always had the advantage.
Howard helped her up, then, man-like, he looked away while she put on her panties and smoothed down her dress. Before the session he wouldn't have looked away but now that this was over he was acting the gentleman.
And what he did next was typical. He drew her into his arms, comfortingly, gently, and with all the compassion in the world. He was adjusting his passions to the moment. At the height of his excitement he had been a little rough. This was to make up.
He kissed her on the forehead. "That was wonderful, Sue. More wonderful than I thought that could be. I know you have to leave but I wish you didn't have to."
"I wish we had something better than the floor," Sue answered.
"You mean you would stay."
"I might."
"Then you're not mad, not disgusted?"
"Why should I be disgusted? I know what a floor is like."
He showed a touch of excitement, of real interest. He hugged her tight and he said, "Know what I'm going to do? I'm going to raise another twenty dollars, or more, and we're going to set up that room."
She frowned at him. "You're married, and so am I."
"Maybe so, but we can work that out. I know we can."
She was still frowning. "You'll have to let me know ahead of time."
"I'll let you know."
A few minutes later she left. It was just after nine-thirty. The entire affair hadn't taken any more time than she had expected. She felt a little bruised, but not badly, and she felt very much at ease, most of her tensions gone. That had been a good tumble, a little rough, but she had wanted him to be like that.
She had an extra twenty dollars, too. A fee, if you wanted to call it that. But that really hadn't been a fee. That was a payment for the bruises she had taken, a well earned twenty dollars. And she had enjoyed herself, too.
This was very fine and nothing to worry about, but what lay ahead? What if she got all wound up in another week, and if Carl went on neglecting her, and if she looked around and saw an available man. What then?
That was a knotty question. She didn't want to search for the answer. She was afraid of what that answer might be.
Joe Banning had spent three very pleasant nights with Serena. And he had learned a number of things he hadn't expected to.
Little things, but they were not little things in Serena's mind-gentleness, and when to be rough, the vital importance of making good love, and of not being in a hurry.
They talked sometimes and, gradually, Joe found out a little about Serena's life. From several dates she mentioned he figured she was thirty and that she and Oliver had been married for three years. Oliver was much older than she was, and he was wealthy. He was also kind and good and she was fond of him, not only of his money.
Joe believed that. From other things Serena had said, be gathered that she had grown up in a poverty-stricken family, that she had fled from that into marriage with a man who had been cruel and sadistic. She had run away from him and had been on the verge of walking the streets when Oliver had picked her up.
Good old Oliver, She wouldn't want to hurt him, ever. But this didn't hurt him. His passions had run out. In sleeping with Joe she wasn't stealing anything from Oliver.
"I've only lied to him once," Serena said. "I told him I hated men, never wanted to have anything to do with another man. But of course that isn't true. I miss things like this, a man in my bed. After all, I'm just normal."
After one night with Serena, Joe was in love with her. After two more nights he could think of nothing else. He was seventeen and she was thirty, but he would have married her tomorrow. How he would be able to give her up when Oliver came home he couldn't imagine. He found he was starting to hate the man she had married. Maybe he was kind and sweet and never touched her, never put her to bed, but he still held the control of her life and that was intolerable.
He wanted her himself. He wanted Serena to be his, forever. If he could have wiped Oliver off the earth he would have done so. If an accident could have happened to him, he would have been quite happy.
It hadn't occurred to him to wonder if Serena was in love with him. Or if she was using him.
He had had three nights with Serena. He was going to have three more. Three more wonderful nights. He walked toward the drug store in a fog of pleasure, everything around him beautiful, but on the corner a block away he met Mrs. Olga Parkington, and she was enough to jolt him awake.
Serena was the stuff of which dreams are made. Olga wasn't. Olga was a shock of reality. She was a ten dollar fee for a bed session. He didn't want her now. He wasn't interested in what she could offer, but there she was, blocking his way. He couldn't dodge around her. He couldn't pretend she wasn't there.
A short, stocky, unpleasant looking woman, she had gray, frizzy hair and her face was caked with makeup. Too much lipstick, too much perfume. And a flabby body. He knew her body too well. She said, "Hello, Joe. I missed you last night."
He had completely forgotten he was supposed to be at her apartment last night. With Serena in his mind he could think of nothing else, and-right now he couldn't come up with a good lie.
"Well, Joe?" Her voice was reproving.
"My-my brother's at the hospital," Joe said. "I've had to go and see him every night."
"You could have stopped by at my place afterward."
"No. I have to take my mom home, then I have to look after her. She's frightened about my brother. She cries."
"I'm very sorry about your brother."
He nodded, and he was suddenly proud of the story he had come up with. It sounded good. It could even be spread out to cover the next three nights, three nights with Serena.
"He'll be at the hospital at least three more days," he mentioned. "After that-"
"After that you'll remember me?"
He scowled at the sidewalk. "It isn't my fault my brother got sick."
"No, I suppose not. But I don't like being neglected. I think I may go to Miami for a few months."
"You mean-"
"I don't like being neglected, Joe, I don't care what the reason. If you can't find a way to stop by tonight-"
"I'll see what I can do."
She reached into her purse, took out some money a five and a ten. She crumpled the bills together then held them out to him. She said, "Here, Joe."
He shook his head. "No. I can't take that. If I can't get there-"
"I want to make sure you'll be there. Or if you can't, I want a substitute."
"A-a substitute!" He was startled.
There was a hard, glistening look in her eyes. "Yes, that's what I said, Joe. A substitute. But I don't want just anyone. Maybe one of your friends."
He took the money, put it in his pocket, and he was amazed. He had never thought he would run into a proposition such as this, but maybe he shouldn't have been surprised at all. He had gone to Olga's bed four times in two weeks, and she was a hungry woman. Hers was a crazy way to enjoy love, but she surely wanted what she wanted, and if he couldn't supply what she wanted, almost anyone else would do.
Any young man.
She would pay for him, too, just as some men would pay for a woman.
Maybe there wasn't anything unusual about that at all.
She was watching him closely. "Well, Joe?"
"I'll see what I can do."
"I'm counting on you, Joe."
"I know."
"I'd rather that was you. I like you very much, Joe. I would always rather that was you. But if you can't be there, then I want someone else. Do you understand?"
He gulped, and nodded, and watched her move away, and he thought, That's what I've become. A contact. Olga's contact to a group of young men who van be suborned and who can be used, who can feed her hungers. If I can't satisfy her, then I'm supposed to find someone else.
He couldn't go. Serena was first in his life. She was first tonight. He couldn't go to Olga and then to Serena. Olga would have drained him of all desires. No, he had to find a substitute, one of the gang who might like a new experience. If he could set this up just right-
He walked on slowly, thinking about whom he could try, and although he hadn't been particularly thinking about Chuck Wales, he ran into him about halfway down the block. Chuck was just his own age, tall, thin, not unattractive. He was supposed to know his way around but he didn't go steady with anyone. He tried to hang around Noel but without much success which Joe approved. Someday he meant to get Noel himself.
He waved a hand. "Hi there, Chuck. How's everything going?"
"Nothing new." Chuck shrugged. "You won't believe it but I sort of wish school would start again."
"It'll start soon enough."
"One more year for you and for me and then what? The cruel, cruel world."
"And a job you don't want."
Chuck grinned. "No. I'd like a job. An easy job like yours."
"I do meet a few interesting people," Joe said ... "Yeah?"
"Women."
"Who are you kidding?"
"I'm not kidding," Joe said. "Can you keep something to yourself?"
"Sure. I don't blab."
"I met a woman the other night. I was delivering some medicines. It was about nine o'clock at night. I didn't have to go back to the store. This woman who answered the door wasn't much to look at, short and chunky, and maybe forty. But not bad at that. She invited me in."
"Yeah. I don't believe you." Chuck's eyes had widened.
"She sure did. She asked me to come in. Then she said her back was hurting and could I rub that. She said she was all alone and, well, she got me into the bedroom-and man, oh, man!"
"You mean she was that good?"
"Not good the way you mean. She got me onto the bed and she really took me. She was really something. I just met her on the corner. She wants me to see her again tonight, but I can't. I'm already in trouble at home."
"So what are you going to do about her?"
"I don't know. I want to go but I can't." Chuck rose to the bait perfectly. "Why don't you send me?"
"You! She'd wear out, Chuck!"
"Maybe I wouldn't mind. How about that?"
"I don't know. She might not like you."
"Bet I'm as good as you are."
"Maybe you are, but I'd have to ask her, talk to her. I should try, anyhow."
"That's the idea, Joe. Talk to her."
Joe hesitated and then nodded. "All right, I'll get away this afternoon for a minute and talk to her. I'll try to sell her on the idea. You really want to try her?"
"Why not?"
"All right, then I'll try to set that up," Joe said. "But just remember this. You asked me."
"Sure, I'm asking," Chuck said. "I can take whatever you can."
He seemed pleased, excited, and he walked on toward the drug store with Joe, asking more details about Olga.. Joe mentioned everything but the money. Olga's fifteen dollars was nicely nestled in his pocket and he meant to keep it there.
In the late afternoon he telephoned Olga about Chuck. She sounded pleased. A little later Chuck came in and he told him everything was set for the night. He gave him Olga's address, and he said, gruffly, "Don't back out, Chuck. If you do-"
"Who's gonna back out?" Chuck answered. "I want to try this woman of yours."
That was that. Joe was rather pleased with himself. A few more days and he could go back to Olga himself. But he didn't want to. It was Serena he wanted. If he couldn't have her he would dream about her. And wait. Definitely, he didn't want Olga.
In the early evening he was asked to make a delivery to a Matt Kroeger who lived in a nearby apartment house. He recognized the name instantly. He had made a delivery there some time ago. On that occasion, the man had suggested that he must know a lot of girls who lived around there. When he had admitted it, the man made a tentative proposition-that he might be able to help him pick up a girl. A young girl. He had said he liked them young. Joe had. said he wasn't sure what he could and Matt Kroeger had made the proposition more definite. "You like money, don't you. This might be worth ten bucks to you."
Those might not have been the man's exact words, but that had been the sense of what he had said. Then he had dropped things but had said he would see Joe later.
He hadn't. But he might say something tonight, and Joe was a little uneasy as he headed for Kroeger's. He wasn't sure he could do what the man wanted.
He reached the man's apartment, rang the bell, and when the door was opened, held out the package. "Here's your order from the drug store. Three eighty."
"Three eighty, huh?" The man nodded. "Come on in, kid. I'll see if I've got that much money."
Joe stepped inside, closed the door. He had discovered it was foolish to refuse to step inside someone's door. Breaking a rule had given him Serena.
Matt Kroeger reached into his billfold, took out a five dollar bill and held it toward Joe. "I reckon you can use the extra money. Keep it."
"Thank you very much, sir," Joe said promptly.
"Your name is Joe something, isn't it?" . "Joe Banning."
"That's right. I remember. We talked about a girl, didn't we?"
"Not exactly," Joe said. "You said-"
"I remember. You said you knew most of the kids around here, and maybe you could dig up someone for me. Isn't that right?"
"I said I wasn't sure I could."
"But you might."
"I don't know exactly what you mean."
The man laughed. He was a big man, wide-shouldered. He looked powerful and he was well dressed. He might have been about forty. "You don't have to know exactly what I mean. Let me worry about that. You just provide the girl."
"What kind of girl?"
"A live one, kid. One who's pretty and who can laugh and who knows how to have fun. One about your age, sixteen or seventeen. No older than that. I like 'em young. I'll bet you know a dozen who are like that."
"Maybe so, but-"
"But what, kid? What's holding you back?" He took a deep breath. "What should I say to them?"
"To them? Don't say anything to them. Pick out one-a live one, a pretty one, one of the fast crowd if you know what I mean."
Joe nodded. He was thinking of Debby Roth. She had been around plenty. She might go for a thing like this. Or Dell Underhill might. She was another.
"How about it, kid?" Kroeger asked, and he reached for his billfold again, took out a ten and gave it to Joe. "This is for you."
Joe took the ten, and he thought, Why not? All I have to do is pass on a message, tell Debby about this man. Or Dell. If one or the other wants to take a chance, why should I worry?
He put the ten dollars in his pocket.
"I want her tomorrow night, at eight," Kroeger said. "A live one, pretty, and about seventeen. Don't make any mistakes, kid."
"I'll do what I can," Joe said.
He turned to go and he didn't realize it, but today he had entered into a new profession. He had become a procurer.
CHAPTER SIX
Again, Noel Traubert and Joe Banning could have compared lives. The night Noel had been taken by Bill Eberling, Joe had found his way to Serena's bed. The next morning, each looked at the world with different eyes. To Joe, the world probably looked beautiful. Noel felt trapped.
In a second comparison, Joe was delighted to have a week with Serena, but Noel, who had escaped, again had been trapped.
On both counts, the odds were in Joe's favor. He was being treated royally. Noel was being treated badly. And she didn't like that.
For three mornings straight she woke up to find Bill in bed with her, and she could never get away from him until after noon. He seemed to be having a wonderful time, too. He was really enjoying himself. Part of that, she knew, might have been her fault, for her body reacted to his touch. She couldn't help that.
At least she told herself she couldn't. How true that was she didn't know.
Did she enjoy these morning sessions, or did she endure them? When she got highly excited, was that Bill's fault or was she secretly having fun? What was the truth? She wasn't sure she knew.
There were a Saturday and a Sunday when she was not bothered. She slept. She slept alone and Bill slept where he should, with Fan. It annoyed her Sunday morning, when Bill and Fan stayed in their room almost until noon. They were awake before then.
Angry at herself, she set the alarm and got up Monday morning and left the house with her mother. She stayed away all day. But Tuesday morning she stayed in bed, and Bill woke her up after her mother left. He was in bed with her again, one hand to her breasts.
She murmured his name. "Bill-"
"Who else would I be?" He growled the words.
"Has Fan left?"
"Half an hour ago. What happened to you yesterday?"
"I wanted to think."
"You didn't have to stay away all day."
"But I did. Bill, what we are doing is wrong. Things can't go on like this."
"I don't see why not."
"This isn't fair to my mother."
He shook his head. "You keep worrying about Fan She's all right, I tell you. A session a week, that's all she ever wants. A man needs more than that. A lot more."
She took a deep breath. "A woman wants a man to herself. She doesn't want to share him with someone else."
"Who says so."
She looked up at the ceiling. "I say so, Bill."
"You mean you want to cut out your mother. You want to keep me to yourself."
She nodded slowly. "I want you to choose between me and Fan. You can't have both of us."
"I don't see why not. How could we get along, you and me? I ain't able to work. You know about my back."
"Your back never hurts you in bed."
"Sure, but if I had to lift things I wouldn't last long. Things are just dandy like they are. Fan likes her job, and she likes you and she likes me."
"And someday she's going to find out about us."
"Not if you don't tell her."
She was silent for a moment and she thought, What am I going to do about this? Bill won't change. I could avoid him half the time but that wouldn't gain anything. In time maybe he'll get tired of me, but he hasn't shown any signs of doing so.
While they had talked, that hand of his on her breasts had just been lying there, but now the hand was growing active. That started moving around, and in another moment Bill's head was there, and he said, grinning, "Time for another treatment. These boobs are really doing all right."
His mouth touched and Noel couldn't stop the streak of excitement which ran through her. There was another, and another as his kiss got more active. He was tapping a flood of emotions, was setting them free. He even seemed to be setting them on fire.
She was ready, but he wouldn't hurry what he was doing now, what he called his treatment. Noel didn't think her breasts were any larger than they had been before he started. But they were more tender, more sensitive.
She started turning, moving, and she blocked her thought channels. Now she was nothing but feelings and emotions which were getting out of hand. Bill took her then, and this was all right even though she knew that wasn't.
This part she loved. There was a moment of violence, and that was wonderful.
Always, before and after, she had her regrets, her moments of recrimination, her sensations of guilt. She had to live with those feelings, and would have to live with them until she found an escape.
The next day she got up early again, had breakfast with Fan and left with her when she went to work. This was a good day to escape. Fan would be working late.
"I'll be doing volunteer work at the Settlement House," Noel explained. "At least, I may do that. And if I do I'll be late getting home."
"I think it's wonderful you're working at the Settlement House," Fan said. "It makes me proud of you."
Noel scowled, and looked away. She didn't know how she was going to spend the day. But at least she wasn't in bed with Bill.
She spent half the morning doing nothing, but shortly after ten she ran into Debby Roth. Debby was standing in front of Peel's drug store and she looked angry at the entire world.
"What's wrong with you?" Noel asked bluntly.
"That rat-fink Hugo, the big slob! I never want to see him again."
"What did he do? Choose another girl?"
"No, if he did that I could handle her. He just walked out. I don't know where he is."
"Why don't you forget him?"
"I might just do that."
"What you need is a real man," Noel said. "What is it they say in the ads; step up in class."
Debby's eyes narrowed. "What do you know about class?"
"He might not be class," Noel said, "but I can point to a man who could give you a real tumble."
"Where?" ' "Not far from here."
"You know him?"
"I know him."
Debby was silent for a moment, then she said, "Noel, we're never very sure about you. Maybe you're still a virgin or maybe you've been around more than any of us. You're hard to understand."
"I just don't talk much," Noel said, and she smiled. It was nice to be mysterious, not to be understood.
Debby spoke again. "This man. Who is he?"
"I don't want to tell you unless you're interested."
"How do I know if I'm interested."
Noel shrugged. "Suit yourself. I can bet this-wherever Hugo is, he's not alone. If you want to get even with him-"
"There's half a dozen guys I could take, if I wanted to."
"Then take one. I'm talking about a man. He's got a bed, too. You once said you'd never been tumbled in a bed."
Debby seemed interested. "Maybe you know him pretty well."
"Pretty well."
"Is he good?"
"I think so."
"Then you have been around, haven't you?"
"A little."
"Where could I meet this man?"
"At my apartment."
"At your apartment. You don't mean-" Noel spoke quickly. "Don't get any ideas about my apartment. Fan is straight as they come. Fan is my mother. Never say anything about her. She doesn't know about Bill."
"Bill?"
"He's my father's brother. He's no kid any more, but he's all man. If you'd like to try him-"
"Gee, I don't know," Debby said. "Let me think about that."
Noel looked away. She was smiling to herself. "If Debby dropped things right here she would probably think that her father had a brother named Bill, who was rather wild. If she went further and took a chance with Bill and learned the truth, that wouldn't make much difference. If she got involved with Bill she wouldn't talk.
Best of all, if she could get Debby interested in Bill, that would lighten the load she had to carry. Debby could pick up part of that. Why not? She liked this kind of stuff. At least that was the impression she gave.
Debby was wearing sandals, shorts and a halter. She looked down at her knees and said, "What do we do if I say yes?"
"Just go home with me," Noel said. "Bill almost never goes out in the morning. He'll be there."
"But what'll we do? How will you-"
"We'll go to my room." Noel said. "I'll tell Bill we want to look at some of my books. Then a little later I'll tell him you're in my room, reading, but I've got to go because I've got a baby-sitting job. I'll tell him to leave you alone, but he won't. He'll come in, make a pass. From there on that's up to you."
Debby was silent again, then she asked, "When? If I say yes."
"Right now, if you want to."
"That doesn't seem right to do in the morning. The nights are different."
"So is the morning. You'll find out. That can be pretty good in the morning."
Debby hesitated. "If I only know him-"
"That won't take long."
"We just walk to your place. And then you leave. That's all?"
"That's all there is to that."
Debby bit her lips. She spoke almost to herself. "If I say yes, we ought to go now. If I think about this I won't want to go."
"We could do this," Noel said. "We could head for my apartment. We could even go in. Maybe Bill will be dressed. You could have a look at him."
"Yes. I suppose we could do that."
"Then let's go."
Noel didn't realize how good a salesman she was. She hadn't planned this. She wasn't even sure how much this would help, but this might help a great deal.
Debby straightened. "I ought to say no and maybe I will, but it won't hurt to walk to your place. If I don't like this man I can always walk out."
"Yes, you can always walk out," Noel agreed.
They headed up the street and as they walked, Debby made a comment with regard to Hugo. "If you see him anywhere, tell him for me to drop dead."
"I told him that once myself," Noel said.
"You never did like him, did you?"
"He's too rough, he thinks he's too big, he's the kind to run over you."
"That's what I like about him. He can tell you what to do and make you do that. Is Bill like that?"
Noel smiled. "You wont be disappointed."
"I haven't said I'd stay," Debby said quickly. "All I'm going to do is go to your apartment for a few minutes. Then I'll decide what to do. That's all I've agreed to."
"Sure. We can walk out," Noel said. "That's up to you."
She was frowning, now, as they neared the apartment. To be very honest, Bill didn't look very attractive in the morning. His face was puffy, his cheeks were red, and his hair was a mess. His nose was flat and too big and he had thick lips and big hands. His chest was black with hair, and in the sagging shorts he wore, with a roll of fat above them, he didn't make a pretty picture.
Most likely, Debby wouldn't like him.
Most likely, she would walk out.
But it was too late to worry about that. They were practically home.
Two flights of stairs and they were at her apartment. She unlocked the door and they went in.
Bill wasn't in sight in the parlor, or in the kitchen. It occurred to her that he might have left. But he hadn't. His voice shouted from his bedroom. "Is that you, Noel?"
She answered him quickly. "Yes, Bill. I brought a girl friend with me. We'll be in my room."
"Oh." He didn't seem to know what else to say.
"Maybe I shouldn't have come," Debby said under her breath.
"No, that's all right," Debby said. "We've come this far anyhow, so you might as well stay for a minute."
"Just for a minute," Debby said.
Noel led the way to her bedroom. It was a small room, nothing special, and the bed wasn't made but Debby looked at it and said, "Yours? All yours?"
"All mine," Noel said.
That wasn't wholly true. Very often she had to share the room with Bill in the mornings. But essentially this was hers.
"I have to pile in with my two sisters," Debby said. "Some day I want a bed all my own. A king-sized bed."
"I'm lucky this is a good bed," Noel said. "Go try it."
Debby walked to the bed and sprawled out on it. She rolled over on her back, stretched out her arms and legs, using up most of the bed. "I wish I had a bed like this. I sure do. I wish this bed was all mine."
"Stay right there," Noel said. "I'm going to see what Bill is doing."
Debby sat up. "Don't do anything about Bill. I haven't decided what to do. I probably ought to go."
"Whatever you say, Debby. But take it easy while you're here. Go ahead, use up all the bed."
She dropped back, spread out her arms. "I might go to sleep."
"Go ahead," Noel said. "Close your eyes and dream. I'll be back in a minute."
She left the room, left the door slightly ajar, walked across the hall to the other bedroom, and went inside. Bill was sitting up on the edge of the bed, ready to get up. He had probably gotten up much earlier just after Fan had left, taken a look in her bedroom and found she was out, then gone back to sleep. She and Debby must have wakened him.
He scowled at her as she entered. "What was the idea, walking out again?"
"I'll always do that now and then," Noel said. "You might as well get used to that."
"Yeah? I don't like that. Who's this girl you brought with you?"
"Her name is Debby, and she is very nice."
"Yeah? Get rid of her."
Noel shook her head. "I don't think you want me to, Bill. She's a present."
He raised his head. "Huh? What do you mean?" "Just what I said. She's all yours if you can handle her."
"You-you mean-" , "She's lying on the bed in my room, just waiting. She might be a little startled when she sees you but I left the door open so you can walk in quietly. From there on, that's up to you."
Bill shook his head. "I don't get you, kid."
Noel motioned with her arm. "You're wasting time, Bill. Debby's in there on my bed, waiting. What's holding you back? I didn't think you were like that."
He stood up. "You're not kidding me. If I walk in there-"
"Try."
"I don't want any tramp."
"Debby's no tramp."
He smoothed back his hair, took a step forward then stopped. "What you doing this for? I don't get this."
Noel shook her head. "If you keep wasting time you'll never get there. Why don't you take a look in my bedroom? You won't be disappointed."
He still looked puzzled but he passed Noel and walked on to the door. Then he walked on to the other bedroom. Noel's bedroom. He peered inside.
Noel stood waiting in the hall. She saw Bill disappear into the bedroom and she almost held her breath. At almost any instant, Debby might scream. She was braced for that. She couldn't know for certain what Debby would do when Bill approached her. This was quite a chance she was taking.
A minute passed, and another, and there were no sounds from the bedroom.
She moved up to the door. That had been pushed so she couldn't see into the room, but listening, she heard voices, Bill's voice and Debby's.
Then there was a long moment of silence.
Then she heard a giggle.
She didn't know what Bill had done to cause the giggle, but she could guess, and she turned away and left. For the next two hours, at least, Debby and Bill would be staying right where they were. And maybe, just maybe, she had found a substitute to take her place in Bill's life.
Noel walked to the park along the river. She sat on the grass in the shade and she wondered, curiously how Debby and Bill were doing. Sometimes in the afternoon Bill took a nap, and that had given her a chance to get away. But Debby was new to him maybe he would skip his afternoon nap. He might even keep Debby for the evening. There was a chance of that.
Mary Riley found her, and dropped down on the grass beside her. "What you doing?"
"Thinking," Noel said vaguely. "Do you have to work today any place?"
"I wish I did."
"What are you going to do about lunch?"
"I've got a quarter."
Mary stretched out on her back. "There's no onp home at my place. Dad's at work, so is Mom. If you'd like to eat with me, you can."
"That might be all right," Noel said.
She looked casually at Mary. She didn't know her very well. A thin girl, small, and with stringy hair, she was only fourteen and not really one of the gang, but she hung around Peel's corner and seemed glad to talk to anyone. She wasn't very pretty and she didn't smile much.
"We've got milk," Mary said. "And there's cold meat. We could make sandwiches. That's not much but-"
"It's more than I expected," Noel said. Then let's go. I'm hungry."
They got up and walked to Mary Riley's apartment. It was on the fourth floor of a walk-up apartment house, but inside it was very nice. The rooms were clean and they weren't cluttered with furniture. There was a window fan which helped cool the air.
They had milk and sandwiches, and they talked. Chiefly they talked about the people they knew, Hugo, Chuck, Vance, Debby and Dell. Joe Banning was mentioned, too. Mary didn't have anything good to say about Joe. In fact she didn't say anything good about anyone.
"We got a hi-fi," Mary said, changing the subject. "Like to hear it? Jive."
Noel shrugged. "Go ahead. Turn it on."
"It's in Mom's bedroom. Finish your lunch and we'll go in there and listen."
Noel liked music but she could get along without it. The only real reason to listen was to fill in part of the afternoon. She had nothing to do, really.
She finished her sandwich and her milk and followed Mary to one of the bedrooms. There was a convenient bed. She stretched out on it and listened to the music from the hi-fi.
Mary joined her on the bed, leaned back. "I put on a full load of records. This will run for more than half an hour."
"By then, I'll be asleep," Noel said.
"Then go ahead. I might fall asleep, too. I like to take a nap in the afternoon."
Noel relaxed. She closed her eyes. She wondered about Debby and Bill. And she thought about Fan. She thought, Bill isn't any good. I've got to make Fan see it. But she knew that wasn't going to be easy In fact, it might be impossible. Fan was in love with Bill and when you were in love you were blind.
The music went on and on. It stopped and Mary turned over the records and lowered the volume. Then she returned to the bed.
Noel dozed for a few minutes, then she heard Mary's voice. It was very low, hardly audible. "You're a wonderful girl, Noel. The kindest person I know. And you're beautiful."
"Not beautiful," Noel said.
"I think you are. And your skin looks like silk, so smooth."
A hand rested on her arm. Mary's hand. The hand moved along her arm but touched her so lightly she could hardly feel the gentle brush of the hand gave her a rather pleasant sensation. That was nice to feel she was pretty, even if she wasn't. That was nice to think her skin was like silk.
She heard Mary stir, move her body, and she sensed that Mary had moved closer. She thought, Crazy kid! If she wants to think I'm pretty, let her.
That hand brushed over her arm again and moved up once more to touch her cheek, but that was so light a touch all that did was make her skin tingle.
"Yes, you are very beautiful," Mary said. "And you have a wonderful body. I'd love to see your breasts. Mine are just starting."
"You don't have to worry about them," Noel said practically. "They'll grow for you just as for me."
"Maybe, but if I could see them, please-"
Noel hesitated, but for just a moment, then she smiled and she thought, Why not? They are very good breasts.
She was wearing what she usually wore during these hot summer days, shorts and a halter, and she rolled over onto her side away from Mary and said. "All right, unbutton my halter, but breasts aren't anything special."
Mary loosened the halter and Noel slipped out of that, then rolled back. She stretched, and smiled, and wondered what Mary was thinking. Her eyes were still closed.
"They are lovely, lovely," Mary said. "I want to touch them."
Touch them, Noel thought. And she frowned.
Mary's hand curved around one of the mounds, but just as before, she scarcely touched the skin. Her touch was almost as light as a breeze. Her hand moved to the other mound, circled around and around, and then brushed across one of the nipples, then the other, and Noel felt a sudden stab of excitement, and another, and another.
She took a long deep breath and she didn't move, but she thought, I've got to stop this. Mary doesn't know what she's doing. I've got to stop this now.
But she didn't. That was entirely too pleasant, too good, and the way Mary was touching her gave her a wonderful feeling. The touch of Mary's hand was as light as a butterfly kiss. She could scarcely feel that, yet her entire body seemed to be inflamed. , Mary moved again, moved closer once more. And then-
What was she feeling? What was that?
She had asked herself that, but she didn't need to. She knew exactly what Mary was doing. Mary's head was there and her kiss had settled. Light kisses were circling her breasts, and she could ho longer lie still. She was caught in the fever of a gripping excitement. She was going through the same things she had gone through with Bill, but that was wrong. What she ought to do-
But she didn't do anything. She just lay there and enjoyed what was happening. She kept her eyes closed and let Mary go ahead, and do what she wanted. When Mary slid her shorts down she offered no objections. Later she might feel ashamed and embarrassed, but no one but Mary would ever know what had happened-
She thought, This is the way that is with Lesbians. I never really knew what that was like. I thought that was terrible,'but this isn't terrible. This is even a little nice. I could almost like this.
Mary reached out and touched her lightly, and smiled. "Is this all right? You don't mind what I'm doing?"
"I don't know," Noel answered. "I feel sort of dreamy, and good, and I don't want you to stop."
They talked later on in the afternoon. By this time both of them were nude, and curled up in each other's arms. Noel felt strangely protective toward Mary although she knew this was foolish. Mary could get along. She would have to, because so far as Noel was concerned, she was no Lesbian. This was to be only an interval in her life.
"I just can't stand a man," Mary said. "I wince if one touches me. They are rough and cruel, and they hurt you. I will never hurt you, Noel."
"I know you wouldn't," Noel said.
"If we can see each other like this, now and then-"
"We might be able to. I don't know."
"You're just like me, really. But you don't want to admit that. We could become real lovers."
"That sounds funny."
"Maybe, but that's the truth. Do you know of anyone who could love yon more than I did? Do you know of anyone who could be more tender, any more gentle?"
Noel frowned. At least part of what Mary had said was true. No one could have been any more tender, no one could have been more gentle. That had been exciting, too. This experience had really shaken her up. As a proof, here she was, holding Mary in her arms. She had never thought she would ever do anything like this.
Why was she doing this? Why did she feel so protective? Was she a Lesbian without knowing it? Of course she wasn't. She rejected that idea at once.
Mary stirred, looked up. "You do love me, don't you?"
Noel was still frowning. "I don't know. I don't know how I feel. I've got to think about this."
"I can help you."
"No. I have to do this myself."
"You could kiss me."
"All right, I'll kiss you," Noel said. "Then I've got to get dressed and we have to straighten out this bed."
"There's no hurry about that."
"I want to take a walk, I want to think."
"I'll go with you."
"No, I want to go alone."
Mary was silent for a moment, then she said, "You haven't kissed me."
Noel leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
"No, I want a real kiss," Mary said. "On the lips."
That was a strange thing, to kiss a girl on her lips and to feel her respond. But that was what happened when she kissed Mary and that was what she wanted, that was all right, maybe, but she still was uncomfortable.
Mary clung to her, held on to the kiss and at the same time smoothed her hand over Noel's breasts. A tantalizing sensation ran through her and she closed her eyes and let herself drift. But after a moment she straightened up and drew away, and whispered "Oh, no, Mary. I don't want to get started again."
"You just don't love me," Mary said, pouting.
"But I do."
"Then say you do."
"I love you, Mary."
"Kiss me when you say that."
It was not easy to get away. Mary clung to her, and cried. She didn't want to get dressed and she didn't want Noel to get dressed. But Noel got dressed anyway, and finally Mary did too. She was a very thin girl and her breasts were nothing but bumps on her chest Noel had said they were very nice and that soon they would be as large as hers. But that had seemed very funny to caress them; that gave her an uneasy, unnatural feeling.
It was late in the afternoon when she left Mary's, and she walked to the river and sat on the grass, and tried to understand what had happened.
Was she a Lesbian? She didn't think so. She hoped not. But what was the truth?
Mary had loved her, overt love, and she had enjoyed that.
She had loved Mary and although she had felt a little awkward, she hadn't minded very much.
Did she want to try that again? She didn't know. So where did that leave her?
Toward dusk she started toward Peel's but on the way stopped and had a hamburger and a coke. She had admitted to Mary that she had a quarter. She had more than that but it was never wise to admit you had any money. Your friends would spend it.
It was still early when she reached the drug store corner and several of the gang were there. But not Debby Roth. Noel asked Chuck Wales if he had seen her but he said he hadn't, then he said, "Want to take a walk?"
"Not yet, anyhow," Noel said. "I've got to see Debby."
"That's just an excuse," Chuck muttered.
It wasn't an excuse. Noel was very much interested in seeing Debby, interested in a report, although she wasn't sure Debby would tell the truth.. It occurred to her that maybe Debby was still with Bill, but that seemed impossible. One tumble, or two, and Debby would have escaped. She wasn't really worried about her. She had heard her giggle. Wherever she was, Debby was all right, but she wanted to see her.
It was an hour before Debby appeared, and she didn't look any different than the day before or the day before that. She made a few wisecracks, looked around and noticed who was there, then started talking to Chuck.
Noel joined them, interrupted them. "How was the morning, Debby?"
"Nothing special," Debby shrugged her shoulders. "I stayed home and cleaned my room."
"And the afternoon?"
Debby didn't look at her. She smiled but the smile didn't say anything. Noel thought Debby wasn't saying anything about Bill because Chuck was there, but then Chuck turned away and started talking to Vance Glasser, and Debby still didn't say anything.
Noel asked a blunt question. "How did that go?"
"How did what go?" Debby asked, and her expression couldn't have been more innocent.
"You know what I'm asking you," Noel said. "Sorry, but I don't."
"How did you like Bill?"
"Bill who?"
Noel was .puzzled. She couldn't understand Debby's attitude. There was no question about what she and Debby had talked about this morning, there was no question about where they had gone, there was no question about the circumstances under which she had left her. There was no doubt about what had happened, but Debby seemed ready to deny everything.
Noel lowered her voice. "If you don't want to talk about that, I'll find out from Bill."
Debby laughed and now she was showing a superior attitude. "Want to bet?"
"Hell tell me."
Debby laughed again, and turned away and headed for the entrance to the drug store. She took a place at the fountain and ordered something.
Chuck rejoined Noel, took her arm. "Hey, how about you and me going somewhere."
"Why?" she was still peering into the drug store.
"Just thought it might be fun," Chuck said.
Noel was ruthless. "I don't want to go with you."
"Aw, I don't believe you."
"But I don't."
"We could take a walk, anyhow. Ain't got much to do."
She looked at Chuck, hesitated. He wasn't too bad, really. Better than Hugo or Vance. Better than Joe, probably, although she liked Joe better. It wouldn't hurt to take a walk to the river and back. It was too early to go home. Fan wasn't back yet.
"Well, how about it?" Chuck said again. "You never get anywhere standing here."
She nodded slowly, then she asked, "What's happened to Hugo?"
"The cops picked him up."
"Does, Debby know about it?"
"How do I know?"
"What did he do?"
"Car-stripping, but I don't think they can prove it. He's probably out by now. Come on, let's go."
They turned away and as they did, Noel caught a glimpse of Mary Riley standing back in the shadows along the wall of the building. The lights of a passim car touched her briefly, and Noel couldn't help noticing the girl's tight, scowling face. She was staring straight at her, as though she hated her.
Noel and Chuck walked to the river, walked slowly. They did a little talking but at the same time, Noel kept thinking about Mary. She wished Mary hadn't been there, to see her and Chuck leaving. She and Chuck weren't going to do anything, but she still felt guilty and she didn't like that a bit. She owed nothing to Mary-nothing at all. It was silly to feel the way she did.
Unless she was a Lesbian herself.
So here she was again, back at those earlier questions. Was she or wasn't she? Had the experience this afternoon been only a test? Did that prove anything? What was the truth? How would she react in the morning when Bill came to her bed? That ought to tell her something.
They reached the park, found a pface to sprawl on the grass, and even though she had told Chuck he wouldn't get any place, he had found as secluded a place as he could. But maybe that was natural.
He rolled toward her, kissed her, and then muttered under his breath, "Never know what to do about you. Sometimes I think you like me, sometimes you act as though I never lived."
"I've got problems at home," Noel said.
"Everyone does. Remember when we were here last time?"
"I remember."
"That was a nice night."
"You were too fresh."
"Maybe, but you didn't seem to mind."
Noel looked up at the sky. She remembered what had happened that night, and what had almost happened here just a few nights ago, when she had been with Joe Banning.
Chuck kissed her, then kissed her again. He put his hand on her bare midriff, slid the hand under her halter, curved that around the mound of one of her breasts.
"If you're not careful," she told him, "you'll get something started."
"I just wish I could. If I could get you, Noel, I'd never think about anyone else."
"You're just saying that."
"No. I mean that."
He kissed her again, kissed her very well. That was a better kiss than she had had with Mary. A kiss from a girl! That was a funny thing. More than anything else this afternoon, that was what had bothered her, kissing Mary's lips. When Mary had kissed her breasts she had gone wild, and all the rest had been wonderful. But to kiss the lips-
Chuck was interrupting her thoughts, and his hand was doing a very good job on her breasts. Noel just lay where she was, enjoying herself. She told herself, This is what I want, this is what I need, someone like Chuck. Not Mary. I don't need her. I am no Lesbian. What happened this afternoon was an accident.
Chuck drew his hand from her breast. He moved that to her leg well above the knee. He had no trouble about that. Her shorts weren't very long.
He moved the hand just a bit, and he said, "I don't want to stop. You know I don't."
Noel smiled again. "Wait a minute, Chuck. Let me sit up."
"Sit up?"
"This won't take long."
She pushed him back, sat up, looked around. Chuck had done very well in choosing an exclusive place. There was a couple not far away but they were busy and the shadows were fairly deep. A cop might come by, but he might not.
"Whatever you do, don't faint," Noel said. And she loosened her shorts, pushed then down, and then took them off. The entire operation took about ten seconds.
Chuck took a deep breath. "Noel, you mean that's all right?"
"You'll never get a better chance than this," Noel said.
That was true. When Noel had taken off her shorts her panties had gone with them. Now, lying down, she was wearing only her halter. If Chuck wanted her, all he had to do was take her.
The earth was hard, but that didn't keep Noel from keeping in rhythm with Chuck's movements.
A storm was building for her. A real storm. She could feel that gathering, taking charge of her emotions. But this was wonderful. She had needed this. Here was all the proof she would ever want that she was straight, not a Lesbian.
She was a man's woman. That was what she wanted to be.
Chuck walked her back home, and he couldn't have seemed more devoted.
"You're my girl," he told her. "And don't forget it."
"No, I'm nobody's girl," Noel answered. "Tonight was tonight, and that's all."
"You mean that didn't mean anything to you?"
"No, that was very good. But I'm not your girl, Chuck. I'm not ready for that."
"You want to try some other guys?"
"I didn't say so."
"But that's what you want."
"How many girls have you tumbled?"
He shook his head stubbornly. "That ain't the point. That's different for men."
"Why?"
"That just is."
"Not for me," Noel said. "But I'm not looking for any other man. I'm just not ready to be sealed off. That's all."
"If any other guy ever touches you-"
Noel wondered what Chuck would think if he knew about Bill. He might never want to see her again. It was funny about men and women. A man could be as loose as he wanted to be, but he expected his own particular woman to be faithful to him. There were a lot of inequalities in the world.
Chuck had been elated while they had been in the park, and walking home, but now as he left he seemed thoroughly disillusioned. Noel was sorry he felt that way but she didn't know what to do about it.
She didn't want to belong to Chuck any more than to Mary.
And she didn't want to belong to Bill-but that was another problem.
She went inside. Fan should have returned home, but something must have delayed her. She might have missed a bus. Anyhow, she wasn't home.
But Bill was there, and he was in a good humor. "Hi-ya, kid. Where you been?"
"At the Settlement House."
That was a stock answer whenever Bill or Fan asked about where she spent her time. It saved a lot of explanations. A girl was supposed to be in safe hands if she went to the Settlement House.
"This girl you brought," Bill said-"Why?"
"I just thought you'd like her. Did you?"
Bill's grin grew wide. "What do you think?"
"How long did you keep her?"
"Most of the day."
"Is she seeing you again?"
"She said she would tomorrow. That crowds you out."
"I can take that," Noel said. He scowled suddenly. "Is that why you did that-to get out?"
"I needed a vacation."
"I don't know if I like that or not."
"I'll be around usually."
He had been watching TV. It was still going on but they were ignoring it, and now he stood up and walked toward her, reached her and raised his hands, closed them over her breasts. "If we had more time-"
"But we don't," Noel said. "Fan could come walking in any minute."
"If we were in your room-"
"But we're not."
His face darkened. "What do you want to get out for? If I thought you were going around with some young sprout-"
"You mean that would be wrong."
His hands tightened around her breasts, tightened so hard she winced. And he said, "You just listen. You're part of my family, and you keep straight, understand? If I ever find you with anyone else, I'll fix you for good, and don't forget it."
Noel twisted away. She headed for the kitchen and was there drinking a glass of milk when she heard Fan come in.
She would go in and see her, talk to her for a time, then go to bed. And she would really sleep. This had been quite a day.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Joe Banning had an extra ten dollars in his pocket. It had been given to him by Matt Kroeger, as a fee. For the ten dollars he was supposed to supply Kroeger with a girl, young and pretty, and there wasn't much question why Kroeger wanted her. He had said he would treat her well and he had implied he would pay her, but he hadn't been specific about that. He wanted the girl tomorrow night, at eight-thirty.
In weighing the possibilities, Joe had decided to talk, first, to Debby. She would meet Kroeger's qualifications and she knew her way around. As long as a year ago she had been supposed to be an easy make. He hadn't made out with her, then, and Hugo Tennyson had moved into the picture and started dating her steady. But in spite of that he didn't think she had sold herself to Hugo. It might be she wouldn't be interested in Kroeger's proposition, or she might be very interested. Anyhow, he could try her out.
In the early evening he saw Debby at the fountain, but he was busy and when he could get away, she was gone. He went outside, looked around, but didn't see her.
Mary Riley was there and he asked, "What happened to Debby?"
"She just went off with Hugo," Mary said. "I thought he was in jail."
"I guess he got out."
Joe frowned. If Debby and Hugo had just left there was a good chance they wouldn't be back. Hugo had left his folks. He had settled down in one of the condemned houses which was vacant and supposedly boarded up. At least that was the story. Debby probably knew where it was and she might be there, but that didn't help him.
"Another couple left a little while ago," Mary said, and her voice was bitter. "Chuck and Noel."
Joe frowned. Chuck had a date tonight, with Olga Parkington. He had promised to keep it. He had said he would be there by nine. It was now after eight.
"They'll be back," he muttered, and he hoped he was right.
"They went toward the river," Mary said.
"They'll be back," Joe said, and he went inside.
He was annoyed. Nothing seemed to be iroin" right. He had planned to see Debby but she had left and he probably wouldn't be able to see her until tomorrow. Then, Chuck had agreed to take on Olga but he had disappeared with Noel. Here was a third thing he didn't like, Chuck and Noel walking off together. He was interested' in Noel himself.
Joe was headed for another disappointment that night. At a little before nine he was summoned to the telephone. Some woman wanted to talk to him. She had told Mr. Morrell that it was an emergency.
It was. The voice on the other end of the line was Serena's. She said very little, three short sentences. "Don't come by tonight. Oliver is back. I will call you when I can."
Joe hung up, and a chill ran down his back. What if he had gone to Serena's and had been on her bed when Oliver came home? That was something to think about. The role of a lover might have a rosy side, but at the same time it was a dangerous road.
Mr. Morrell spoke sternly. "You know I do not approve of private telephone conversations over a business telephone."
"It was my mother," Joe said. "T wasn't going home but she's quite ill."
"Hmm. I hope she's not so ill you won't be here tomorrow."
"No, I'll make it," Joe said.
He turned away and he was sick at heart. This was a hard, rough world. Too hard and too rough. Serena was a wonderful person. He was in love with her all the way. He wanted her for himself but he knew that such a thing was impossible. Oliver was back. And while he was home, Joe wouldn't be able to go near the woman he loved.
Another thing worried him. Serena had said that she and Oliver lived a platonic life, but secretly he was afraid that was not true. Serena was so beautiful and so delightful that even an aging husband couldn't have left her alone.
Joe was so upset over his telephone call that he went home that night without remembering to worry about Debby, whom he wanted to see, Chuck, who was supposed to have kept a date with Olga, and Noel, whom he put next to Serena in his affections.
But he remembered in the morning. He remembered Debby because he had an unearned ten dollars in his pocket. He remembered Noel uneasily. And he remembered Chuck when he met him on the street and noticed how he was grinning.
"How was last night?" he asked bluntly.
"Not bad. Not bad at all," Chuck said.
"How old do you think she is?"
"How old! Oh, you mean-I never got there."
"You never got there! But you promised."
"Something happened."
"What?"
Chuck didn't seem at all embarrassed. "Just one of those things you can't help. I've been working on an item a long time. Last night she paid off."
He was talking about Noel. Joe knew that because of what Mary Riley had said, but he didn't want to believe that. Chuck was boasting. Noel wouldn't have gone for a guy like Chuck. He was almost sure of that.
He made a vague motion. "You made a promise but you didn't keep it."
"I couldn't help it."
"What about tonight?"
"I might be busy with the same item."
"Noel?" Joe looked straight at him.
"Could be her. You know how I feel about Noel."
"She wouldn't go for you."
"What makes you think so? Just because you didn't get anywhere doesn't prove anything."
Joe wanted to step forward and smash Chuck in the face, but that wouldn't get him anywhere. The best thing he could think of was not to believe what Chuck had said.
He muttered something and brushed on, heading in the direction of the drug store. But he was interrupted again. A small nemjsis was waiting for him on the next corner. It was in the shape of Mrs. Olga Parkington.
She wasn't smiling, and she held out her hand. "I believe you have some money of mine."
He spoke quickly. "Everything got fouled up last night. The guy who was supposed to show up lost the address."
"The money, please." She was still holding out her hand.
"I don't have the money," Joe said.
He did, but he wanted to keep it. Money was a very important commodity.
The woman didn't bend an inch. "What should I do, Joe? Talk to your employer? Possibly I couldn't reclaim my money, but I could cause you trouble."
That was true enough. At any complaint, Mr. Morrell walked all over him. He never had a chance against a customer, and Olga was a customer. He made a quick decision. Serena was lost to him, at least for the moment, and if what Chuck had said was true, he had lost out with Noel. That left him out on the beach, and on his own, and he could think of one course he could follow. He looked down. "How would that be if I saw you tonight?"
Some of the sternness left her voice. "You mean that, Joe?"
"Sure I do."
"And the other young man?" He raised his head. "You mean you want him, too?"
"Some other night."
"All right," Joe said. "I guess I can get him."
"But tonight I can depend on you."
"About nine-twenty."
She nodded crisply. Joe thought, I never should have gotten mixed up with her even for the money.
But that was still easy money and a guy could have fun with her. She wasn't just an ordinary tumble, either. And she was salable. He had just realized that.
He walked on to the drug store. It .was almost noon. Some of the gang were hanging around. He noticed Noel. She was listening to Mary Riley, shaking her head about something. Hugo was there, Dell Underbill and Vance Glasser and a few more. But not Debby. He didn't see her anywhere.
He turned to Hugo. "Where's Debby?"
"How should I know?" Hugo sounded angry. "She's getting too fancy for me, anyhow."
"You saw her last night, didn't you?"
"That was last night."
Joe turned away. He stepped to where Noel and Mary were standing and asked, "Anyone know where Debby is?"
"I haven't seen her this morning," Mary said.
But Noel hesitated. "What do you want with her?"
"I've got a sort of a message for her."
"She might be by late this afternoon."
"Are you sure of that? Is she working somewhere?"
"In a way she is."
Joe frowned. "I sure wish I could see her."
"Tell me and I'll tell her," Noel suggested.
"Can't. At least I shouldn't."
He looked at Noel and looked away and he thought, She's a nice girl. Too nice for a guy like Chuck Wales. I just can't believe she'd go with him. I ought to see her tonight.
But he couldn't see her tonight. He had to go to Olga's and that meant money.
He went inside, got to work on the routine jobs which he was facing but he kept watching outside and noticing who was at the counter. A couple of hours went by and he didn't see Debby. He made several deliveries and when he returned most of the gang were gone. Later in the afternoon, most likely, some of them would show up again, and maybe one would be Debby, but he couldn't be sure of that.
Sue must have noticed his uneasiness, for she asked, "What's the matter, Joe? Are you worried about your girl?"
He scowled at her. "I don't have any."
Her lips twitched. "That's too bad. No one looking after you. Want to cry on my shoulder?"
"Naw."
"It's a good shoulder."
She touched herself halfway between the top of the shoulder and one of the mounds of her breasts. Joe knew she was kidding him but it struck him that if he could rest his head where she had pointed, that might be interesting. Sue's body was very well constructed.
She spoke again. "Think about that, Joe. If everything's falling to pieces, I'm a good one to talk to. I'll stay late some night and you can walk me home."
He gulped, looked at her and looked away, and he thought, Here's a real opening, Joe. Grab this. Pick her right up while you cm.
But he couldn't. He had to go to Olga's tonight.
Nothing was breaking right. For the time he had lost Serena. When he would be able to see her again he didn't know. During this dry interval he should have been working at Noel, or Sue, or someone else. But Olga had moved in, at least for one night.
Noel, of course, was his prime objective. He had thought about Sue, vaguely, but never with the feeling that he might get anywhere. But maybe he had been wrong about her. She was older than he, but so was Serena, and he had really gone to town with her. If he had been able to satisfy her he didn't have to worry about Sue. All he needed was the chance, and he was pitching his chance out the window.
But maybe he could save the situation.
He lowered his voice. "I gotta see someone tonight. It won't do any good, but I've got to see what happens. After that, then maybe I'll cave in."
"Then you better come and see me," Sue said.
"Sure. That's what I'll do."
"Don't forget, Joe."
"I won't."
He didn't look at her and he tried to seem disconsolate, but he wanted to shout. This was almost a date, for tomorrow night. There was a chance Sue might change her mind, but if she didn't he could say he wanted to see her tomorrow night and she might wait for him somewhere, and if she did-
He could project all sorts of possibilities.
Maybe she could take Serena's place. He thought Sue had a husband. There might be a few complications, but if a guy and a girl wanted to get together, they could usually manage.
On several occasions, then, in the late afternoon, Joe noticed Slue looking at him with speculative eyes. Mr. Morrell went to talk to her but Sue kept shaking her head, and almost the same thing happened between Sue and Mr. Kendrick, she seemed to be refusing something. And after talking to Mr. Morrell and after talking to Mr. Kendrick, she had looked at him.
He was on the edge of excitement. Tomorrow night-
But he still had to face tonight and he had Olga for tonight, and he still had to reach Debby.
What had happened to Debby? How could he find her?
He had to make a delivery at about six and when he returned, Noel was just leaving the drug store. She had probably been inside, at the fountain.
He stopped her. "Hey, Noel. Have you see Debby?"
She shook her head. "Not around here."
"Do you know where she is?"
"I might."
"Do you think she might show up in the next couple hours?"
"She might, or she might not. What do you want to see her for? What's this mysterious message?"
He hesitated, then he said, "If I tell you, will you keep it to yourself, not talk about it?"
"Sure. I can keep a secret."
He still hesitated. He knew it helped to get you closer to someone, to share a secret, but this particular secret could easily be misunderstood.
"I might be able to find Debby," Noel said. "I might be able to give her the message."
"If you think you could-"
"I can try."
"Then it's this," Joe said slowly. "And don't talk about it to anyone. I had to deliver some medicine the other night. It was to a man. A nice guy, quite wealthy. He might be about forty. He's been Over here at the drug store and he noticed Debby. He's not married. I guess he's a little lonely. Anyhow, he wants to see Debby. He'd like to talk to her. He's even in the notion of spending some money. Debby might as well pick that up."
"He wants to put her to bed." Noel said bluntly. "He didn't say so."
"That's what hell want. That's what every man wants. Bed!" foe shrugged. "Debby wouldn't mind, would she?"
"Maybe not. What am I supposed to tell her?"
"That this guy wants to see her tonight, at eight-thirty."
"A guy who's rich, old, who's noticed her and who wants her. Is that all?"
There was a caustic note in the girl's voice. Joe spoke defensively. "He's a nice guy."
"They're all nice guys," Noel said. "What's his name?"
"Matt Kroeger. I'll write down his address." He did, and gave the slip of paper to Noel. She took it casually, and said, "All right. I'll see if I can find Debby."
"Will you let me know if you do?"
"Sure. I'll let you know."
Joe felt better when he left her and went into the store. He knew he couldn't be positive that Noel would find Debby, but there was a good chance she would and he had one advantage-Noel was helping him. This was a plus in his favor.
Against him, possibly, was Noel's attitude toward the message. She had been brutally honest in recognizing what the message said, but he knew he should have expected that. Noel was as smart as they came.
An hour passed. It got to be seven-thirty. Then it was almost eight. Debby hadn't appeared and Noel didn't return. But at eight, Noel did show up, came into the store. She had changed ffom her shorts and halter and was wearing a dress, possibly one of her school dresses. She looked quite grown up, and rather pretty and she nodded to him.
"You talked to Debby?" he asked.
"I talked to her. Everything's all right." ' "She's going?"
"She said she would."
Joe felt better. For a time he had been worried, afraid he couldn't get anyone to turn up at Kroeger's. But Debby had been perfect for the job, and apparently she had fallen for Noel's story.
He said, "Thanks, Noel. I'll do something nice for you, someday. Maybe Saturday night-"
"I'll think about it," Noel said. And she turned and left.
Joe finished his sweeping as quickly as he could after nine o'clock, and at nine-fifteen he was ready to leave for Olga's. By that time, the gang outside had pretty well disappeared, but it was interesting to him that Noel wasn't there, and that Chuck was. He had no idea where Noel had gone, but at least she wasn't with Chuck, and that was encouraging.
He walked on toward Olga's, scowling, and a little uneasy. He knew what would be expected of him tonight. This was all right. He could enjoy himself but he knew that Olga would make him uncomfortable, and anyhow he would rather have gone to Serena's.
Serena! What was she doing tonight? Would she be alone, and lonely? Or would Oliver be there? He couldn't get Oliver out of his mind.
He rang the bell at Olga's door, and almost at once she answered it, and then stepped back, a stern, slight frown on her face. She was in her red negligee and she was perfumed and powdered. Ready for him, but he had to be punished. He could sense that.
"Here I am," he told her and he managed a grin. "I told you I'd be here."
"But you disappointed me last night," Olga said.
"I couldn't help that. The guy promised he'd be here."
She shook her head. "Never try to blame anyone else. If you ever make a promise, Joe, then see that it's kept."
"I'll do that after this, Olga."
"Do you mean it?"
"Yes. I mean it."
"All right," Olga said. "We'll talk in here."
She motioned toward the bedroom and headed in that direction. Joe followed her, but he knew they wouldn't do much talking after they got there. They would go directly to the bed.
They did, and from here there was a routine. That varied a bit, but not a great deal. The lights were low. Olga would slide out of her negligee and get onto the bed, nude. Then she would turn on her side toward him, and watch him as he undressed. The first time he had undressed he had turned his back to her, but she had said, "No, Joe. Move around this way. I want to watch." , He took his clothes off, and Olga watched. Then he got onto the bed and before he could settle down her hands were on him, and she usually got busy with him right away. She never wasted much time. Later, she might take her time but right to begin with she got what she wanted.
That was like that, this time. She worked at him and he just lay there. Almost at once her head got busy there where her hands were and he could feel the pressure of her kisses.
That was amazing the way she stirred him up, got him excited. He didn't have to do anything, but sometimes he couldn't stay still and he started threshing from side to side and Olga had to hang on. She did, too. She wasn't about to lose anything.
A real bang, a different kind of bang but that could shake you up, all the way. That hit you quickly, and then was over.
Olga rested for a while, and now there was time to talk.
"I think I was very good to you," Olga said. "Much too good. I should have punished you. I should have made you do all the work, but I didn't."
"I know," Joe said. "What can I say, Olga?"
"Don't say anything."
"But I want to."
"No, don't say anything, but if you want to be forgiven, then be as nice to me as I was to you."
"Now?"
"Any time, but don't put that off too long."
She really meant now, so Joe rolled toward her, and .started kissing her. He started with her breasts. He took his time, too much time, for Olga suddenly put her hands on his head and pushed him where she wanted him.
This was her show, this part. He could get her excited, and could keep her excited, but that was all he could do. That was quite a time even at that. She rolled into a fast rhythm and he had all he could do to keep up with her.
He was always glad when she was finished.
Then there was a chance to talk again. He never had much to offer, but Olga was different. She liked to talk.
"How long can you stay?"
"A little while. I don't know."
"But you don't have to leave right away. That's wonderful."
She had turned toward him, and right now her hand was making wide circles around his stomach. Now and then her hand would stop and she would laugh, even if she was talking.
"You'll always be my favorite, Joe," she was saying. "Always my favorite. But I do want to see that other young man. You owe me that anyhow."
"I'll send him," Joe promised.
"You don't mind if I see someone else?"
"Not if you want to."
"Then you really don't mind?"
"I mind, but that's all right."
"Are there other young men like this one you are sending to see me?"
"You mean other guys who might like to-;you know what I mean."
"Yes. Are there others?"
"I suppose so."
She was silent for a time, then she said. "Joe, if you can't always be here when I want you, then can you always send someone else? That's sort of interesting to have different people. I mean-" Her voice trailed off.
He stared up at the ceiling. "A different person each time?"
"Oh goodness, no. There aren't that many, I'm sure. But if you knew of several different ones who could see me at different times, why that would be fine."
Again her voice faded and she was silent.
Joe was searching his mind. How many guys could he dig up who might like to be up here? Chuck had said he was interested. Hugo might be. And Vance Glasser. He might remember a few more.
"You would have to be very careful," Olga was saying. "Nice young men. I wouldn't want anyone else. That would take time, I know, to pick out the ones you need, so I think I should pay you. That's only right. I'm not very much interested in money."
That wasn't true, he knew. But he knew another thing. Olga would pay what she had to, to get this kind of entertainment.
"That might cost a little," he said slowly. "But you give the money to me, don't pay anyone else."
"I think that's sound."
Joe nodded, and smiled. He would do all the collecting. And he would keep all the money. Why not? He would send guys here for the adventure, for the experience.
What a beautiful setup.
The breaks were coming this way again.
Sue Dorchester was surprised at herself. She had no interest in Joe Banning. He might not have been an infant, but in relation to her he was. She had guessed ho was seventeen, maybe eighteen. That might have meant he was old enough to know about the birds and the bees, but she was twenty-eight, much too old for him.
Why had she offered to help him? She wasn't sure Certainly she didn't want to get involved with him. She was already too much involved-with Ed Yorty in the apartment house where she lived, and here in the drug store with Arthur, and Howard. She should have left Joe alone.
Howard had talked to her, earlier. He had raised more money through the sale of some drug, illegally. Now he wanted to set a date when he could reserve a hotel room for them, maybe next week. He wanted her to stay all night. He was sure he could get away from his family. Now, she had to make arrangements for herself, but she wasn't sure how she could do that But maybe she could. Maybe she could say she had to stay with a sick friend.
That excuse was hoary with time, but it still could stand up.
The problem, now, was this. Did she want to? Right now, tonight, she felt she did. Tonight, from the way she felt, she could have gone to bed with Howard Kendrick and enjoyed him. But how would she feel on a stated date? She wasn't sure.
She had another proposition to consider. This was even more definite than Howard's. In a way this was startling, for if she accepted, she would change the direction of her life. This was that drastic-a complete break with Carl.
She could accept that. She didn't know exactly the moment when she had lost interest in Carl, but thinking about it now she realized she hadn't been in love with him for months. He was dead as a lover, as a husband, as someone who controlled her life. She could forget him right now. If she never saw him again she wouldn't miss him.
That took care of Carl, took care of the break, but how about the proposition-the proposition from Arthur Morrell?
He had told her that he had found a small, furnished apartment. He had leased it, he would pay the rent. In return, he would expect to stay overnight occasionally. And two or three times a week he would expect to spend the evening.
His proposition had some virtues. It took care of the rent. It would provide enough personal attention so she shouldn't go to any other man. But if she wanted someone else, she could have them. She could arrange an evening with Howard if she was careful. And she could continue to work at the drug store.
Why she hadn't instantly accepted Arthur's proposition she wasn't sure. She didn't know why she was stalling. Maybe it was because she didn't care much for Arthur.
Anyhow, she hadn't made her decision.
She didn't know what she would do.
Howard Kendrick spoke to her just before closing time. "Think about that, Sue. Set the date, I'll make the reservation. We'll make that a night to remember."
"I'll think about that," Sue promised.
Then Arthur spoke to her. "I can hold that apartment only another day, then I've got to say yes or no. Would you like to see it tomorrow?"
She nodded. "Yes, I think I would."
"It's small but nice. I think you'll like it. Maybe you'll say yes."
"I'll tell you tomorrow," Sue answered.
He smiled and turned away and she looked at Joe but at the moment he didn't seem interested in her. He was scowling darkly. She shook her head, half angrily, and she told herself, He's nothing. He's nothing at all. Tomorrow I won't even talk to him.
She left the drug store promptly at nine, started home, but at the next corner a man called her name, stopped her. "Sue. What are you doing here?"
She recognized the man as one of the men who dropped into the drug store now and then, but she didn't know his name. He had seemed friendly in the store, and there seemed to be no reason not to be friendly now.
She nodded. "I'm on my way home."
"Then you live down here."
"Across the next street."
He was an older man, possibly in the late thirties, tall, slender, light-haired. He had a rather pleasant smile. "I don't imagine you remember my name?"
"No, I don't."
"It's Frank Silverman. Say, can I buy you a drink? Some coffee, or a beer? Even something stronger?"
She hesitated. She ought to go home, but why? Carl would have no time for her. He would be buried in some book.
"Come on," the man was insisting. "There couldn't be anything wrong in a drink. Make it as light as you want to."
"A beer?" Sue said.
"That's perfect. That's what I wanted myself."
They stopped in the next bar, sat in a booth, and had three beers, one after the other. Frank Silverman talked about his wife, his three children, and his job. Sue listened. And nothing happened. Frank made no proposition. He didn't nudge her knees under the table. He came nowhere near making a pass. He acted like a gentleman.
But the beer was good.
Sue left him in the bar. She walked on toward her own apartment, but before she got there a man stopped her and said, "Hi-ya, baby. I got five bucks that says you've got a place to take me. What do you say?"
Sue made it brief. "Drop dead."
He shook his head and laughed. "What could I buy for ten bucks?"
"A slap across the face if you come any closer."
"Yeah? What would you cost?"
"More than you ever had," Sue answered. "Now get out of my way."
The man did step aside, but he seemed puzzled, and be muttered, "Ain't no woman in the country worth more than ten bucks. What's wrong with me, anyhow."
Sue walked on past him but at the corner she stopped and she thought, That would have been an easy ten dollars if I had any place to take him.
Then, of course, she shook her head. She could never do anything like that. Never! What was the matter with her? She didn't have to walk the streets, she didn't have to turn to hustling. If she left Carl, acceptted Arthur's proposition, and kept her job at the drug store, she would be doing very well, with no rent to pay. She could even keep pretty straight. Arthur was all she needed. Arthur and occasionally a visit from Howard or someone else.
She smiled, crossed the street with the light, and a few minutes later was home.
There, Carl was studying as usual. He didn't notice she was late. He hardly looked up. But for once, Sue didn't mind. She had reached a decision. She would accept Arthur's proposition. As soon as possible she would move out.
That morning, Noel had slept until Bill woke her, and he woke her the way he usually did, in bed with her, his arms around her. She was a little surprised. He had told her Debby would be over and if that was true she had thought he would leave her alone. Maybe she should have known better.
Bill was cuddling her in his arms, his hands at her breasts, and she turned restlessly and said, "What about Debby?"
"She won't get here till almost noon," he answered, and he squeezed her breasts. "Besides, I got to look after these."
Now that she was awake he rolled her to her back and got his head on one of her breasts In a moment he would move to the other. Then he would move back and forth, between them. That wouldn't take long before her excitement would be racing and he would take her.
She had thought that the introduction of Debby would change things, would release her, but apparently she was wrong. Bill would take whatever he could from Debby, but that would be extra. Here at home, nothing had changed. And nothing would. Bill would be attentive to Fan, while she was around. When Fan was away at work, he would have Noel. She had been stamped as a second wife.
He had been good this morning, but then he always was, and after the session he devoted more time to her breasts, giving her what he called his treatment. It was after nine before Noel could get away. Ordinarily, she couldn't have escaped then, but Debby was expected. Bill had to save something for her. So in a way, Debby helped.
But not the way Noel had hoped. She headed down the street asking herself as she had maybe a thousand times, What am I going to do about this? How can J break the pattern? The only possibility she could see was to run away. That might hurt Fan a great deal, but she would be hurt more if she ever found out the way she and Bill spent most mornings.
She had a new problem, Mary Riley. The afternoon before she had indulged in a Lesbian exercise. Mary thought that had made her one of the gay girls, but she was wrong. Last night Mary had been tragic, and a little nasty. Noel meant to see her today.
She did. In fact, a good part of the day was occupied by Mary, arguing, begging, and now and then showing a flash of anger. Morning and afternoon, Mary followed her wherever she went. She seemed sure that Noel would break down.
Around noon, Noel talked to Joe Banning. For some reason or other he wanted to see Debby. She could have told him exactly where Debby was, but she didn't. She said she would try to find Debby but she forgot all about that until early evening. Then, in the early evening, she talked to Joe again, and this time he told her why he wanted to see Debby. She had been seen by a man who admired her, and wanted a date with her. Presumably the man had money.
"I'll find her and tell her," Noel said.
She did try to find her and she did get a glimpse of her but she was with Hugo, walking the other way, walking in the direction of Hugo's pad. It might be late in the evening before Debby got back into circulation.
"So she misses the date with the rich guy," Noel said to herself. "Too bad."
Then she had an idea. If a rich guy was available and wanted a date, why not a substitute? Why not a substitute named Noel Traubert? She was as tall and slender as Debby, and if she wasn't as pretty she still looked pretty nice in a dress. There was a chance, of course, that the man didn't want anyone but Debby, and if that was the case he could send her away. But he might not send her away. He might accept a substitute.
She hurried home. Fan was there, and she was delighted to see Noel change to a dress. She liked it when her daughter dressed up.
"Is it a party?" she asked.
"Sort of a party."
"Have fun."
"I will."
"And don't be too late."
"No. I won't be late."
She glanced at Bill. He really looked worn out. He must have had quite a ball with Debby. A crazy thought crossed her mind. Maybe, if Debby and J work, we can use him to the point where he falls apart. But that might take a long time.
Noel stopped at the drug store to tell Joe she had found Debby and that she would keep the date. Then she left, delayed along the street until nearly eight-thirty, and at that time approached Matt Kroeger's apartment, and rang the bell. She was excited, frightened, not sure what might happen. If this man didn't want a substitute-
He opened the door. A big man, heavy, thick-bodied, he had wide shoulders, long powerful arms, and there wasn't anything soft in his face. But his eyes brightened as he saw her, and he whistled. Then he cried, "Say, you look all right. Come on in."
She managed a smile. "Debby couldn't, come, so I thought-"
"Debby?" the man said. "Who's Debby?"
"She was the girl you wanted, but-"
"You look all right to me. Who needs Debby, whoever she is?"
"But I thought-"
He shook his head. "Stop thinking. This is a night for fun, at least I hope this is. I suppose you've got a name."
"Noel."
"Noel. I like that. You can call me Matt. Want to walk over here?"
She walked toward him and he reached out and took her in his arms. He lifted her right off her feet, and held her, and kissed her, and if he was a little rough he wasn't so rough that he hurt her.
He held her, and kissed her, and then he put her down, moved his hands to her shoulders and pushed her an arm's length away and looked at her-just looked at her. Then he shook his head and he said. "Never did I expect anyone like you. Young, and clean and you even smell nice."
Noel was a little embarrassed. "Anyone can be clean and anyone can smell nice if they take the trouble."
"If they take the trouble. A lot of people don't. When do you have to go home?"
"At eleven. At least I ought to be home by eleven."
"That's wonderful," Matt said. "But at eleven I'm going to want to keep you. That's the way I am. Are you hungry?"
"No, I'm not hungry."
"A drink?"
"No. I don't think so."
"There's food in the kitchen, in the refrigerator there are some Cokes. Should we forget them?"
"Why not?"
"Do you like music?"
"Sometimes."
He looked at her curiously. "You're a funny girl. Do you know you could use up a lot of time fixing things in the kitchen, or fooling around with the hi-fi?"
"Why would I do that?"
"It's a good way to stall."
Her lips twitched. "Do you want me to stall?"
"No."
"Then what do you want to do?"
"You mean that's up to me?"
She nodded, and this time she smiled, and Matt pulled her forward, hugged her tightly, then released her enough so he could stoop over and scoop her into his arms. He started carrying her somewhere and she knew just where they were going. To the bedroom. Even before she had gotten here, even when Joe had told her about this date, presumably with Debby, she had guessed the purpose. This was to be a bed date.
Her reasoning was simple. If bed was the destination, why delay? Stalling, or setting up a framework, was a little foolish.
Matt lowered her to the bed, straightened up, and grinned. "I haven't heard you scream."
"Do you want me to?" Noel asked.
"Then you don't mind this?"
"Nol This is what I expected."
He took off his coat, his necktie, his shirt. After that he sat down on the bed. That was a big bed, and to Noel felt very comfortable.
He looked around at her curiously. "You don't mind if I get undressed first?"
"Not if that's what you want."
"You still amaze me." He took off the rest of his clothes then got onto the bed with her, and nodded. "You're next."
"I know."
He leaned over and kissed her, and touched her breasts. And as he did that he took a deep breath and his hands suddenly weren't steady. "They must be wonderful."
"Why don't you find out?" Noel said.
She could never have acted this way if it hadn't been for Bill, but he had taught her a great many things. Chiefly he had taught her not to be ashamed of her body and not to be afraid of being touched. She was much smaller than Matt, and much younger, but much more steady. He had reached behind her to unzip her dress but he was having trouble. In the end she practically took off the dress herself.
He handled the rest of her clothes all right. A slip, panties, and a brassiere-away they went, and then she and Matt were in bed the way she had been with Bill this morning.
But this was much different than with Bill. Matt was tender, careful of her. He kissed her with a kind of reverence. He rubbed his hands over her body as though she were something precious, and he kissed her almost everywhere. She had never been loved quite like this. And she had never been excited this way. Long before he was ready to take her, she was ready for him. That was difficult to wait, terribly difficult.
But she waited, and when he took her, that couldn't have been much better. At the very first he moved slowly. Then, of course, in the drive of his excitement, he forgot to be careful and he let himself go. That was all right. She let go herself.
She had done that with Bill, with Chuck, and even with Mary. But this was topping everything else. This was the best. In a way she could understand why. With Bill, always, she was guilty. She held back a little. With Chuck they had been too hurried. With Mary the situation had been too strange. This affair tonight was different. She was there for love. There was no reason to hold back anything.
They had hit way up high and they stayed there for a time.
And then they eased down and lay together for a while, neither one talking.
But then Matt sat up and looked at her and shook his head. "I don't believe you're real."
"I'm real," Noel said.
"Umm. Want a Coke?"
"Yes."
"I'll get you one," Matt said. "And a drink for me. Don't go away."
"I'm not going anywhere," she answered. "At least not for a while."
He brought her a Coke and a drink for himself, and they went back to bed again, and talked, but didn't say much. They loved again almost better than the first time.
That used up the evening. It was almost eleven when they sat up, started getting dressed.
"I want to do something for you," Matt said, and he looked away. "If you need some new clothes-"
"No clothes," Noel asked.
"Jewelry?"
"No. If you want to do anything, give me money."
"Money?"
"You don't have to. I haven't asked for anything." He hesitated, then pointed to the dresser. "My wallet is over there. Take what you need-within reason."
She got up, walked to the dresser, picked up his wallet and looked inside. He had a number of big bills. She took out five.
"Mind telling me what you've taken?" Matt asked.
She looked around. "Fifty dollars. Is that too much?"
Again he hesitated, but then shook his head. "No, you're worth more than that. Can you see me tomorrow afternoon?"
"Why?"
"I might want to suggest something."
"Then I'll be here," Noel said promptly.
CHAPTER EIGHT
There are two ways of reaching a decision. You can make it yourself. You can grab the horns of a dilemma, twist them the way you want them, and stand on your feet and declare yourself. Or you can stall, vacillate, and wait and wait and wait, but eventually time and circumstances catch up with you, and one day you discover that they have made the decision for you.
Noel was not going to wait for time and circumstances to make any decision for her. She had stalled almost too long. She had put things off too long. She had had enough of Bill Eberling, Fan's husband. She wanted no more of him, ever. That, of course, meant that she had to leave home, for there was no other way to escape him. And that would hurt her mother, but maybe she could stand it. After all, as blind as Fan was with regard to Bill, she was a strong person. She wouldn't collapse if her daughter ran away.
Noel woke up early the next morning, and had breakfast with Fan. How many more breakfasts she would have with her she didn't know, but she tried not to think about that. She tried to be cheerful, pleasant.
"Was it a nice party last night?" Fan asked.
"A very nice party," Noel said.
"Did you have a lot of fun?"
"Yes."
"I wish you could have a party here with your friends but I'm not sure Bill would like it. He's not at all well. His back is bothering him, I know. Last night he seemed terribly tired."
Wonderful! Noel thought. I just hope Debby works him to death.
"What are you going to do today?" Fan asked. "I see you are wearing a dress again."
"Yes, I might have a job this afternoon," Noel answered.
"Baby-sitting?"
"No, I don't think it'll be that. I don't know what it'll be. It might not even work out."
"I hope it will for you," Fan said, and she got up, walked around the breakfast table, and kissed her on the forehead.
Noel was a little teary as she left the apartment with Fan. But she blinked the tears away.
The morning was not easy. She didn't run into Debby. Maybe she had slept late, then gone to see Bill. And maybe she would show up with the gang at Peel's late this afternoon. But Mary was around, to nag her, and to look mournful, or desperate, or weepy.
"But you love me," Mary said.
"No, I don't love anyone," Noel said. "And I'm not about to fall in love. And that's that."
Unfortunately, that didn't end the argument. Mary was unhappy, miserable, and she seemed to blame everything on Noel. At least she tried to.
Noel was able to get away from her shortly after noon, and she stayed out of sight until two-thirty. That was the time she had said she would be at Matt Kroeger's.
He answered the door promptly, and just as last night, his eyes brightened as he saw her and he said, "Come on in. I wasn't sure you'd get here."
"Why?" she asked bluntly.
"I just had a feeling you might change your mind."
She shook her head. "You haven't offered anything. I haven't decided anything."
He looked at her narrowly. "Are you always as direct as this? Most people would hem and haw and wait for the proposition."
"Are you going to make one?"
He laughed but said, "There you go, pushing me. I can make a proposition. I could make several. Like to go to the bedroom?"
"That isn't your main proposition, is it?"
"No, there's another."
"Then we'll save the bedroom for later," Noel said. "And if I go there I'll wait to be carried. I will always want to be carried."
He brushed his hand over his head and he said, "Noel, you're really one for the book. You don't mind a tumble, do you?"
"I didn't with you. I haven't done that very much,. There's a lot I don't know."
"I would never have guessed."
"Then I must have been better than I thought."
He scowled at her, then he said, "Two propositions. I have a friend uptown. A woman. She can take you in for a time. She runs sort of a school. After you spent a little time there you would be furnished your own apartment, clothes, food, and maid service. You would have some work to do, not too much. You would earn a fair income."
"My work would be with men-different men?"
"Yes."
"I am not sure I want that. What is the other proposition?"
"I have a place on the island. I spend my week ends there. Sometimes I take someone with me. If you were there I wouldn't have to take anyone. A middle-aged couple looks after the place. During the week you wouldn't have much to do, but week ends I'd keep you busy. You wouldn't be making any money."
"This-wouldn't be permanent, would it?"
"Probably not. It all depends."
"I'll take it," Noel said.
He took a deep breath. "You mean it? No money?"
"No money."
He shook his head. "The way you took that fifty bucks last night I thought you'd want to move uptown."
"Last night was a different matter," Noel said. "You can have the fifty dollars back, if you want it."
"You're still impossible."
She laughed. "No I'm not. You'll find out."
"What about your folks?"
"I'll write them a letter. Someday I'll see them. I mean Fan, my mother. She's the only one who counts."
He nodded slowly. "I can have your letter mailed from Cleveland. Yes, this might work out. When do you want to leave?"
"Right now."
"Will later tonight be all right?"
"Yes, that will be fine."
He grinned suddenly. "Then what about my first proposition, a trip to the bedroom?"
Noel smiled. "There was one condition, remember? I want to be carried."
He walked toward her, lifted her into his arms, turned and started toward the bedroom. Noel was aware of where she was going now, but she didn't know about tomorrow or all the tomorrows ahead. Some, she was sure, would be fine. Some might be difficult, but life was like that. She was taking a chance on tomorrow, but then, she had to. If she had stayed, Bill would have smothered her.
Sue Dorchester took a late lunch hour. Then she waited for Arthur Morrell. He met her promptly, took her arm, squeezed it, and led the way up the street. It was not far to the apartment he had found. By appointment, the rental agent was there. He was a tall, gaunt man. He seemed unable to smile. While she and Arthur looked through the apartment he stood at the hall door impatiently as though he didn't care what decision they made.
Actually, it was a very nice apartment. It consisted of a small parlor, a small bedroom, a small kitchen and a small bathroom. But the furnishings looked comfortable and the bed was big. Arthur tried it and said it was fine, and that it didn't squeak. He said he didn't like squeaky beds.
Sue looked at it and thought, That is where I will sleep, many times alone. But also there will be many times when Arthur is there, or when there might be someone else. Chiefly, of course, I will be sharing the bed with Arthur, and although he might not get me very excited, at least he will be attentive. That was one thing you could count on, so far as a lover was concerned. He was always attentive.
That was what she .had been missing. Attention.
Arthur sat up on the edge of the bed. His face looked anxious. "How about it, Sue? How about it?"
She looked down at him. "Would you like to be here?"
He didn't hesitate. "If you were here, yes."
"For how long? How many months?"
"Forever."
She shook her head. "Nothing is for ever."
"Then say for a year, and we'll add on another year, and another."
"But for now?"
"The lease is for a year. I'll pay the rent. Don't worry."
She looked away, bit her lip and said, "All right, Arthur. We'll take it."
"That's great! Great!"
He reached out, caught her arms, pulled her to him and his excitement made him shaky. He drew her into his arms and kissed and held her so tightly it was hard to breathe. Then he whispered that if the rental agent could be persuaded to go away, they could try the bed right now.
Sue laughed and shook her head. "He probably won't go."
"No. But that would be nice if he would."
"What do you have to do?"
"I'll have to go back with him, sign the lease, and pay the rent, and the security. I think you could move in tomorrow. If you can, I'll help you settle in."
Sue nodded again. If she was going to move she might as well do it. This was a drastic change she was making but she wouldn't be gaining anything by temporizing.
"Find out if we can get in tomorrow," she suggested "If we can, I'll move everything I want in the morning, after Carl has gone to work. I'll leave him a note."
"He was never the man for you," Arthur said. "Maybe not."
Arthur kissed her again, then they went to see the agent who was still waiting at the door. He seen-' almost indifferent when they said they would take the apartment.
It was a long day, and a strange day. She should have been excited at the prospects which lay ahead but for some reason or other, she felt sad. If Carl could only have stayed like he was the first months of their marriage-But he hadn't stayed the same. All of his interests had turned inward, and she had been squeezed out. To save herself, she had to do what she was doing. There was no other course she could follow.
Joe walked toward her. He said, "How goes it?"-She looked at him, looked away. "All right, I guess."
"What's the matter? Is something wrong?"
"No. I was just thinking."
"You've changed sjnce yesterday," Joe said. "I was about to use your shoulder to cry on. Remember?"
Her lips twitched and she looked back at him. "I haven't changed. I've just been a little absent-minded. Has the world fallen apart?"
"Just about."
"What can I do?"
His eyes were bold. "Loan me that shoulder."
She lowered her voice. "I'm afraid Mr. Morrell wouldn't like that. He's watching us anyhow."
It struck her as funny that Arthur was watching her with the attitude of a husband, but maybe if he was going to pay her rent he had the right of being jealous. The right! She didn't like that. If Arthur started watching her constantly, she would resent it. She might even blow up, walk out. But she couldn't do that now. Money was too tight.
"You said something about taking a walk," Joe said.
"Yes, I remember," Sue said. "Let me see-" She hesitated and she was thinking more of her resentment of Arthur's control than of Joe's vague needs.
"I could hurry my sweeping tonight," he was saying, "I can get away by nine-fifteen. If you had a cup of coffee at the lunch counter around the corner-"
She turned her attention to him. "You think of everything, don't you?"
He didn't like that. "No, it's just-"
"Where will we go after nine-fifteen?"
"I just thought-"
"I'll think about it, Joe." Then she hurried what she was saying. "Here comes Arthur-Mr. Morrell."
He was coming their way and as Joe walked toward the front of the store, he joined her, and frowned. His method of extending his control over her was interesting. "If that kid gives you any trouble, I'll run him out."
"You need someone to make deliveries," Sue answered.
"I can buy kids like him by the dozen."
Sue shrugged. "Joe's all right. He doesn't bother me.
"He's lazy like everyone else," Arthur said, and he lowered his voice. "Have you been thinking about our apartment?"
"Yes I have."
"I just can't wait until tomorrow night. We're gonna have a ball. We sure are."
He reached out, squeezed her arm and grinned. From the front of the store, Joe was watching. From the rear, from the prescription department, Howard Kendrick was watching.
Sue was able to smile, but she was thinking, II it's going to be like this I won't be able to take it. I don't want to be hovered over. I don't want to be owned. This isn't what I need.
The afternoon ran out, and the early hours of the evening. Several times she looked at Joe curiously.
She had told herself definitely that her interest in Joe was of the motherly kind, but she still felt uneasy about meeting him after closing. She reminded herself he was just a kid, only seventeen, and that seemed to end the matter. But it didn't. Finally she decided not to see him after the store was closed, but when he asked her again, she saw Arthur watching her, and she said, "All right, I'll be at the lunch counter. But be sure Mr. Morrell has left."
"I'll be sure of that," Joe said.
She waited for him at the lunch counter, after the store was closed, and she knew she was doing a foolish thing. She had no real interest in Joe Banning, and she never would have. Any way you figured it, he w-r-seventeen, and much too young for her. What she would do with him tonight she had no idea. She could take him home-this was the night when Carl was late getting home. He might not get back until eleven. But why should she take Joe home? Why should she do anything with him?
He joined her at the counter. "Hi. I made it in record time."
"And Mr. Morrell?"
"He ducked into the subway. I saw him. Everything's clear."
She finished her coffee. "What do you want to do?"
"Just spend a little time with you. Maybe we could take a walk."
"I've been on my feet all day."
"Then maybe we can try a restaurant, one where they have booths."
She shook her head. "No, we'll go home. I don't want to take a walk and I don't want to be out late."
Joe frowned. "Won't it bother your husband if I go home with you? I mean-"
"I don't think he'll be there," Sue answered. "This is the night he works late. He probably won't be home until eleven and you'll be gone long before then."
"Sure," Joe said. But he didn't sound happy.
They walked toward her apartment and on the way they didn't say much. Sue asked him what was wrong and Joe said everything was. But he didn't say what he meant. He didn't take her arm; at least she appreciated that.
It was a warm evening. Several people who lived in her apartment house were in front, sitting on the stoop, and one or two nodded. They might also have looked curiously at Joe, but no one she noticed seemed very interested. Then inside, and on the way up to her apartment, she was glad that Ed Yorty didn't come out and say something. Ed Yorty seemed to be a frustrated man. He wanted her again but his wife was back, and there wasn't anything he could do.
Sue unlocked her apartment door, reached in and clicked on the lights, and they went in. The small apartment was hot and stuffy. The windows were already open, but that didn't help much.
She looked around and then motioned, "There isn't much I can do to cool the apartment, but if you'd like to we can sit out on the fire escape. It's through the bedroom."
Joe grinned. "Couldn't we stop in the bedroom?"
"No. If you talk that way I'll send you home."
"You wouldn't do that."
"But I would."
He was taller than she was, and he was thin. It occurred to her that if they were in the darkness she might not have sensed that he was only seventeen. But he was. In the light of the room she could see that.
"Want to sit here?" She pointed to the sofa. "Or should we go out through the bedroom to the fire escape steps?"
"Out there," Joe said.
She led the way, or started to. Joe was right behind her. but as they were rounding the foot of the bed he reached out and caught her, swung her around and took her in his arms.
He might be seventeen, but he did very well, moved behind her, slid an arm around her, and turned her and held her close against him. He found her lips almost at once and was kissing her even as she started struggling.
She did struggle, but then she stopped and tried to reason with him. She pulled her head back and cried, "Joe, stop. Stop, I tell you, or I'll send you home. I didn't bring you here to-"
That was about as far as she got. He pulled her forward again and his lips stopped what she was saying. He was pretty good at kissing too. And he was good about holding her close against his body. A crazy thought ran through her mind. Why not! A quick tumble wouldn't take more thaii twenty minutes. That would take less time than that. Joe was ready for her now. All she had to do was lie back on the bed and let nature take its course.
She didn't have to do anything about getting onto the bed. Joe took care of that. He maneuvered her around the foot of the bed, then lay down on the bed with her, at her side, one of his hands already under the top of her dress at her breasts. He didn't waste any time getting there.
She didn't say anything. What was there to say? She had stopped struggling. She had already decided in her mind what she would do.
He took off her dress. She even helped him. And her brassiere, her slip and her panties.
She pulled him to her. He hadn't taken off his clothes and it occurred to her that would be more pleasant if he did. But why wait? There was always a right time and the way she felt, this was the time. She didn't want to wait any longer.
She eased him to her and she locked her arms around him-
And that was when the ceiling light went on and she jerked a look toward the door and saw Carl looking in at them.
Carl was home. He had come home early.
He had entered silently, walked to the bedroom and clicked on the light.
Now he was just standing there, his eyes wide shocked, unbelieving. He seemed rooted where he was.
Sue dropped her arms and as she did, Joe rolled away toward the far side of the bed. She heard him gasp, and out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of him, heading for the open window and the fire escape. He disappeared so quickly it was amazins.
Joe might have thought Carl would follow him, but he didn't. He still stood in the doorway, motionless.
Sue hadn't said a word. She didn't say anything now. She knew very well there was nothing she could say.
This was something she could never explain. There were no words to wipe out what Carl had seen.
She didn't say anything, and Carl didn't either, but he suddenly walked to the bed and leaned over and, using his fist, smashed Sue in the face.
Blood smeared from her nose. She screamed, and raised her arms to protect herself.
But her arms didn't help. Carl hit her again, closed the other eye. He hit her in the face again, again. He slammed his fist at one of her breasts, then at the other breast. He hammered her on the stomach.
She had screamed and screamed. When she stopped she didn't know.
She would never know who called the ambulance to carry her to the hospital.
Joe was frightened. He had never been so frightened in his life. He had escaped from Sue's bedroom, all right. He had piled out of the window and had skinned down the fire escape ladder as though it were greased. Then he ran for more than a block. He was out of wind when he stopped and he was still in a panic. Actually, he felt like running away. He almost did.
But he felt better the next day. Better, but nervous. He saw in nearly every man he met a copy of Carl Dorchester. He didn't calm down until he read in the newspaper that Carl was in jail. He had beat up his wife. She was in the hospital.
Arthur went to see her. He didn't make any report to Joe, but he did say a few things to Mr. Kendrick, and Joe was near enough to listen in.
"She sure took a beating," Arthur said. "I couldn't see how bad it was, most of her face was bandaged and her eyes were swollen shut. A man who would do a thins like that ought to be shot. No. That isn't enough. He ought to be tortured."
"What did he do it for?" Mr. Kendrick asked.
"Who knows? Maybe he was drunk."
"How long will Sue be in the hospital?"
"A week maybe. I sure hope her face isn't cut up."
"Will she be coming back here?"
"Sure she will. At least I think she will."
The story in the newspaper hadn't explained why Carl had beaten his wife. But maybe the police knew more than was in the newspapers. This gave Joe a new reason to be worried. Sue could have said someth;" to the police, or her husband could have said something. If that was true, maybe he was in for trouble. He didn't know. It had occurred to him that maybe he ought to pay a visit to Sue, but he was afraid to.
He was sorry about what had happened to Sue, but from his viewpoint, what had happened would become a good story. He had been interrupted at a most critical point. It was amazing he had gotten away. If Sue had tried to hold him, he might be the one in the hospital.
Three days slid by. Empty days. Very little happened.
He hadn't seen Noel at all. He didn't know what had happened to her.
He didn't see much of Debby. She never showed up until late in the day.
Olga met him once, had wanted to see him, and he spent the evening with her. A typical evening. And he did his best to entertain her but after that was over she had said, "Next time, I want someone else. The young man you mentioned to me."
"I'll see if I can get him," Joe answered.
Her voice was sharp. "Joe, I want him. If you fail me-"
"Don't worry, I'll get him," Joe answered.
Again, so far as Joe was concerned, none of the breaks were coming his way.
Serena hadn't called him again.
Olga didn't want him again. She wanted to try someone else.
He had narrowly escaped from Sue's husband and he was still nervous over the experience.
And Noel seemed to have disappeared.
He had a brief and disturbing talk with Debby. He met her one evening, outside the drug store, and he asked, "How did you like Mr. Kroeger?"
She frowned. "Who's Mr. Kroeger? I don't know any Mr. Kroeger."
"He lives down in that new apartment house." He pointed. "Don't you remember the message I sent to you through Noel?"
"She never gave me any message from you."
"And you never went to meet Mr. Kroeger?"
"I never heard of him."
"But Noel said-where is she, anyhow?"
"Away somewhere. She picked up some job. She telephoned her mother last night. I .guess she'll be back by fall."
Joe looked at her curiously. "How do you know so much about her?"
"I know the family."
She smirked and turned away, and Joe didn't know what to think. He had a feeling that Debby must have kept the date with Mr. Kroeger. At least Mr. Kroeger hadn't complained to him about the ten dollars he had put up. Ten dollars for a young girl for the evening. Debby must have showed up.
Three more days passed, and in the evening, Chuck stopped him outside the drug store. There was a wide grin on his face and he said, "Where do you think I'm going tonight?"
"How would I know?" Joe growled.
"Olga wants me. Met her on the street just before noon. She gave me this."
Chuck showed him the corner of a ten dollar bill. If it had come from Olga, and it must have, then he was all the way out in the cold.
"An easy ten bucks," Chuck said. "And she'll be a lot of fun, too. She acts like she's starved."
"She'll wear you out," Joe said.
"She won't wear me out," Chuck said. "I'm the kind who can take plenty."
So that took care of Olga. At least, for a time. Until she wanted to try some other young man. At that date, she might come to him. Or she might not. Easily she could use Chuck, and get him to find someone else.
Sue had been interviewed by the police, but she never mentioned Joe. This wasn't out of loyalty. It was a protection to her not to admit what she had been doing when Carl walked in. And he hadn't said anything as far as she knew. He had refused to tell the police why he beat her up. He was out of jail on bail, but he hadn't come near her, and he probably never would.
Arthur came to see her almost every day. He couldn't have seemed more devoted. He brought her flowers. He bought her candy she couldn't chew. He was ready to install her in the apartment he had rented as soon as she could leave the hospital. And he expected her to return to her job in the drug store.
She knew she didn't deserve such treatment. She knew she should have fallen in love with him, but she knew she wouldn't. Instead, she made a firm resolution-to be good to him, to be as faithful to him as possible, and to be very careful about her deportment.
She would never be caught the way she had been with Joe.
Never-if possible.
She was still ugly when she left the hospital. Her face was blotched with color. Her eyes were only partially open. Her lips were still cut.
But Arthur took her home, to the newly rented apartment. He took her home and put her to bed, and got onto the bed with her. And why not? That was why he was paying the rent. She was just out of the hospital, and she was shaky. Her lips weren't kissable, her face was discolored, and her breasts were sore.
Arthur tried to be gentle, but he didn't manage very well. He was awkward, and about as graceful as a cow. He bumped her, and he grunted, and he got sweaty, but in a way that was all right. Sue managed to build up a very nice level of excitement.
Then she stretched out beside him and rested and let him hold her, and was patient.
"This is like being home," Arthur said. "For this is my home. My real home. I am going to love being here."
"I love this too," Sue answered. And those were the words she had to use.
"Mondays I'm going to stay all night," Arthur said. "That's all set up. My wife will think I'm at the club, playing poker. She would never try to reach me."
Sue didn't say anything.
"Then, every night I can, I'm going to stop here after work."
"Of course you will," Sue said.
She smiled to herself. At first he would be overly attentive, but on most nights, after ten, she would be alone. And her week ends would be her own.
Three cheers for the week ends.
He got up and dressed and left her, but he promised to drop in at six, for dinner. Then he would stop in again, tonight. He was going to start to collect for the rent money he had put up. She would have to pay up. A bargain was a bargain. But three cheers for the week ends.
It was the next afternoon when Mr. Morrell called Joe to the telephone. His attitude was severe. "Another call for you, Joe. I don't like this. I've told you before this is supposed to be a business telephone. I want you to tell your friends not to call you at this number."
"Yes sir, I'll tell them," Joe said. But he picked 'up the telephone and said, "This is Joe Banning."
"Joe?" It was Serena on the other end of the line, and his heart jumped. "Joe, I can talk for only a minute. Oliver is waiting for me. I am at the airport. We are on our way to Hawaii."
His heart dropped all the way to the basement "Oh!"
"I am sorry it worked out like this, Joe," Serena said. "I will always remember you. I hope you will always remember me."
He couldn't say anything, not even a word.
"Good-bye, Joe," Serena said. "Good-bye and good luck."
The line clicked dead, just like that, and he hung up.
Serena was gone, out of his life. He would probably never see her again. He almost wished he was dead.
But he wasn't. He was alive, and he had a job, and his boss, Mr. Morrell, was giving him an order.
"Here is a package to be delivered, Joe. I want you to hurry there at once and to come straight back. Are you listening to me, Joe?"
"Yes sir," Joe said.
"I am trusting you, Joe," Mr. Morrell said. "I do not want you to talk to anyone when you come back."
That was a strange order but he hardly thought about it. He was filled with his own loss, the lost Serena. She was really gone this time. Gone forever.
Outside the drug store he looked at the package Mr. Morrell had given him. There was no name on it, just an address and an apartment number. There was also a notation, NO CHARGE. He shrugged and started up the street, found the address and the proper apartment, and knocked on the door, then waited.
It was Sue who opened the door, and he couldn't have been more shocked. She was in a negligee but that wasn't what caught his attention. It was her face which made him shaky. It was still discolored, puffed and black and blue around the eyes, and the lips were cut. Her front teeth were gone, too.
He gulped and didn't know what to say.
He was the one who had been with her when Carl had come in.
He was the one to blame for what had happened. When Carl came in he had fled to the window and down the fire escape.
But he hadn't known what Carl would do. He hadn't known what a beating Sue would have to take. He had read about it in the newspaper but right now he was face to face with the woman who had taken the punishment.
He gulped again, and spoke her name. "Sue!"
She held out her hand and her voice couldn't have been any more impersonal. "I believe you have a package for me."
"Yes." He held it out.
Sue took it, and slammed the door.
She slammed it hard.
That was that. Sue was out of his life, too. He might see her around. She might even show up at the store and go back to work, but she would never have anything to do with him. He knew that very well.
When he got back to the store another delivery was waiting for him. It was a package for Matt Kroeger, and that was interesting. Last time he had gone there he had picked up a good tip and an extra ten dollars, for Debby. Maybe this trip would be just as productive.
He rang the bell at Kroeger's apartment, waited until he appeared, then followed him inside and closed the door.
"Thanks, kid. How much is it?" the man asked. "Two eighty," Joe answered.
"Here's three bucks, and another one too," Kroeger said. "I probably owe you a lot more than that. You did me a good turn last week. Sure appreciate it."
"You're talking about Debby," Joe said. "I thought you'd like her."
"Debby?" Kroeger seemed puzzled. "I don't know anyone named Debby."
"Then she didn't show up?"
"No one named Debby," Kroeger said, and then he frowned. "Let's forget about it."
"If it wasn't Debby-"
"I said forget it, kid. Thanks for bringing over the order. I've got some things I've got to do so I guess you better go."
He was practically pushed back into the hall, and the door was closed, with an insistent, answered question pounding in his head. II it hadn't been Debby who showed up here about a week ago, then who was it? Who was it?
He could make a guess. Noel. But that was impossible. Noel wouldn't have taken an assignment like this. She wasn't that kind of person. Chuck had boasted he had taken her but he had just been talking. Joe was sure of that. It couldn't have been her who had showed up. It had to be someone else.
Someone else, but who? He couldn't reach any answer. He was thoroughly puzzled. Of course he could ask Noel what had happened when he saw her again, this fall If she came back.
If she came back? Now, why had he put it that way? What had happened to Noel, anyhow? Debby had said she went away somewhere to take a job; that sounded phony.
Near the drug store as he returned from Kroeger's he met Mary Riley. She was leaning against the wall of a building and no one could have looked more disconsolate. Her shoulders sagged. Her eyes were red as though she had been crying.
He stopped and said, "Hello, Mary."
She looked up at him looked away, and she didn't say anything.
He tried a question on her. "Mary, you were a good friend of Noel's. What's happened to her?"
Mary's voice was low. "She's dead."
"Dead!" Joe frowned at her. "Dead? Why do you say she's dead?"
"I just know she is."
"But how do you know?"
"If she wasn't dead she would come back to me. I know she would. She loved me."
"She's got a job somewhere. At least that's what Debby says."
Mary shook her head. "No. She's dead. She wouldn't have left me, ever. She loved me."
"Nuts!"
"You just don't understand," Mary said. "You're like everyone else. You only see what's on the surface. Noel and I had a beautiful love for each other. It was eternal."
Joe walked on. He wondered if Mary was sick. She sounded that way. A crazy, immature girl, with a crush on Noel. It didn't even occur to him that Mary was showing the traits of a Lesbian. She was still only fourteen. To a guy of seventeen, she seemed very young.
At eleven o'clock, the next morning, Debby was in bed with Bill. This had become an every other day pastime, and in a way was worth-while, for Bill had started paying her five dollars for every time. He was worried that he couldn't keep the payments up, but he didn't need to be concerned. At eleven-thirty, as he and Debby were going to town, Fan would show up, unexpectedly, and there would be an explosion. As a result, he would land out on the street and Debby would find herself in the hands of the juvenile authorities.
At eleven there, at eight A.M. Pacific Time, Serena was boarding a plane to Hawaii. She was clinging to the arm of Oliver, a man who was in his sixties. He didn't look very well. He wasn't very well, but with expert care he might live for a long time. "I will never neglect you again," Oliver said. "From now on I am going to devote myself to no one but you." And Serena said, "That's wonderful, darling." She had to say that. He was a very rich man.
At eleven, Sue was still in bed. Last night, just after nine, Arthur had come by. He would probably be by tonight, and for a number of nights. Eventually, however, his visits would slacken and she would have a little free time. She was looking forward to that. And she wasn't sure she was going back to work. She thought Howard might help her financially, and there were other men in the world. Interesting men, well heeled. She smiled and relaxed, and waited.
At eleven, Noel splashed in the pool. In a little while she would get out and sun herself. She was acquiring a very nice tan. Matt thought her tan was fine. She liked this place on the island; Matt was very kind. She was enjoying herself very much. How long she could stay here she didn't know, maybe only as long as Matt wanted her. But she would worry about the future some other time.
At eleven, Olga stood on the corner, waiting for Chuck to walk past. Last night and the night before she had been alone, but it was foolish to be alone if Chuck was available, or if he could get someone else to spend the evening with her. She waited patiently, a fixed smile on her face, and a ten dollar bill in her hand. After all, ten dollars wasn't much for what she wanted.
And at eleven, Joe woke up, and he wondered why he had to get up. Serena was gone, Noel was gone, Sue would have nothing more to do with him, Olga had lost interest in him. The world had gone sour.
But things might change. There was always a chance of that. How could he guess what was ahead? He got up and started dressing.
