There were two small bedrooms. The parents shared one, and the children the other one. Both bedrooms contained only a double bed, so that Dan and Ella slept together from an early age right on into puberty and beyond. Darkness was the only insurance of privacy they had, except for a small screen in one comer of the room which permitted Ella to get dressed in the morning without being too conspicuous. Perhaps it might have been better for both of them it there had been no effort at privacy at all. Dan would never had to have suffered an unsatisfied curiosity about the appearance of female sex organs.
Nevertheless, when he reached the age where his own sexual instincts began to plague him, he developed this curiosity and began to give some thought as to how he might satisfy it. Since his relationship to Ella was so close, and they slept in the same bed, it seemed to him that he ought to be able to accomplish it with her.
However, Ella always got behind the screen to put her clothes on in the morning. It was always dark at night when they undressed for bed. He was reluctant to simply ask her to let him look at her organs, and yet the occasional touch of her soft body and budding breasts in the bed before he slept at night kept the desire to find out urgent in his mind.
CHAPTER ONE
A girl frantically masturbating in the privacy of her bathroom, a boy staring eagerly into the dimly lighted bedroom where a woman is undressing, and a young woman who has just been deserted by her husband and left with a child to support and no visible means to accomplish the task, might not at first glance seem to have much in common. Actually there is more than a possibility-indeed there is a probability-that they all have one thing in common. Ugliness.
A psychological research team, working with a grant from a private foundation, recently explored in considerable depth the effect of modern society's preoccupation with physical beauty on a group of people to whom nature was capriciously unkind in this respect. The conclusion reached was that a serious need exists for early education in social adjustment. Among the recommendations made were these:
1) Special classes beginning even before junior high school in which such matters as grooming, make-up, hair style, dress, manners and etiquette would be taught, with a view to not only making social adjustment easier for all children, but to particularly work toward equalizing the pressure on the ugly child, and to bring out and make him aware of his best features, while at the same time helping him to overcome his more unattractive disadvantages.
2) To interest government at some level, whether local, State or Federal, in the establishment of facilities and subsidies to make medical repair of unattractive features possible.
It is anticipated that other avenues will suggest themselves as the study proceeds, and certainly one of these will be the initiation of a move to instigate sex education in the schools at an early age.
The sex drive, being one of man's most urgent and compelling motivations, is frequently perverted through the social pressure of a beauty conscious society upon the ugly individual. The research team found an unusually strong correlation between unattractiveness and anti-social sexual practice. A great number of case histories of people interviewed during the reserach project illustrate this premise, and of themselves suggest the solutions.
One of these, that of Alice H., is of particular interest in that it traces the development of badly channelled sex drive from its cause very clearly to its effect.
Alice, though not grotesquely ugly was an unattractive little girl, excessively skinny, long-necked, straggly haired (she still has difficulty in managing any kind of an attractive style for it), an excess of freckles, pinched facial features and a tendency to wear a sheepish smile most of the time. She had two brothers, both several years older than she, and her parents had little time for her since her birth occurred almost simultaneously with the stock market crash of 1929, and it took both their efforts on a midwestern farm to make ends meet for the family.
Alice was a little vague as to when her first sexual experience other than masturbation occurred, professing not to remember, though some statements made during the course of an extended interview with her tended to suggest that one of her brothers may have initiated it. At any rate, by the time Alice reached puberty her score in sexual intercourses accomplished exceeded that of most of the happily married young matrons of the community.
At the time of the interview Alice had realized that much of this early activity was the result of loneliness and a feeling of inadequacy (which she still feels), and very definitely would not have occurred had she had proper training at the right time. Other than her reluctance to discuss her first experience at sexual intercourse, Alice took an interest in the objective of the research, was in sympathy with it, and recounted her history freely.
Since her case is so typical it will be necessary for illustrative purposes to go rather deeply into it.
She remembered a house party she had attended when she was hardly past her tenth birthday. It was not a happy memory because none of the boys would play the mixer games with her, and made no secret of their derisive attitude toward her lack of beauty and grace. The party was in the evening at a farm house before there was indoor plumbing. Shortly after it got quite dark Alice made a trip to the toilet out behind the house. There was a grove of trees behind this little shanty, and when she found the door hooked from the inside, she went on into the cluster of trees and shrubbery far enough, she thought, to insure privacy, stopped, hiked her skirt up, pulled her panties down and squatted.
As soon as she began to relieve herself a flashlight was turned on and its beam unerringly searched out her exposed vagina. Male giggles sounded, and when she tried to stand up hands touched her arms. The flashlight had almost blinded her for the first moment or two, but the moon had come up and she quickly became aware that there were three boys.
"Hey, Alice," one of them chortled, "we want a better look at what you've got down there!"
She admitted that she could have screamed, and that her efforts to fight were half-hearted, and that she inwardly enjoyed receiving the undivided attention of some boys for a change. So it was that they pulled her down on the ground, stripped her panties off, pulled her legs apart and turned the flashlight again upon her vagina.
Their comments and eager interest in it stimulated her, and she did not bother to protest when they began to touch it, and pull the inner lips apart to peer into its depths. When one of them suddenly thrust his finger all of the way in, she felt a thrill go through her and she could not have protested if she had wished.
When she did not protest the boy with the exploring finger got bolder, and began to move it in and out, simulating the coital movement. Alice, trembling with excitement at the touch, felt herself become moist, and felt the finger move faster and faster as the initial friction lessened and permitted free movement.
"Man, that goes easy!" the boy exclaimed once, she remembers, "I bet old Alice has already lost her cherry!"
"Let me see!" And there was another finger inserted, then two at once, and the thrill became almost unbearable.
"Hey, Joe," one of them said suddenly, "I'll bet I've got the nerve to bang her. Dare me to?"
"You mean really do it to her-stick your prick right into her and everything?"
"Yep."
A hesitation, then: "Aw-I bet you ain't got the nerve. I dare you!"
"Okay-you hold the light so I can see to get it in."
The flashlight changed hands and in its glow she watched in fascination as the boy knelt between her legs, unbuttoned his fly and exposed his penis. It was stiffly erect and the sight of it held her gaze as if she had been hypnotized. He bent forward and she felt the smooth round end of it touch the moist lips of her vagina and penetrate an inch or so. Then he flung himself forward on her, and pushed into her, so that she felt the. warm, questing hardness of him much farther inside her than the exploring fingers had gone.
Her excitement had caused her muscles to tighten, so he'd had to push very hard to bury his penis all the way, and it was only an instant, before he had been able to make more than a half dozen coital thrusts, that she heard him gasp, ram himself abruptly against her, and felt the spasmodic jerking of his penis as he ejaculated. He lay on her and panted for a few minutes, and then suddenly the hard protuberance inside her began to shrink so that she could hardly feel it at all.
"You through already, Ben?" the boy holding the light asked.
"Yep-dang it! I'd like to do it again, but I can't right now."
"Did you really shoot off in her?"
"Yep."
"Do you think she'll have a baby?"
Ben shook his head. "I don't think she's old enough. Dad told me some stuff the other day. Girls got to have a period before they can have kids. Alice is too young to have periods."
The boy holding the flashlight suddenly thrust it at Ben.
"Here, you hold it. I'm going to do it to her, too."
The flashlight changed hands and the other boy knelt between her out-flung legs. Again she experienced the thrill of the sight of an erect penis, but almost before it was exposed to her sight it had been thrust into her.
Lubricated by her own excitement and by the semen the first boy had deposited in her, her vagina accommodated the second boy so easily that he quickly penetrated it to the full length of his penis, and rested for a moment to quell his excitement. Then he began to make the coital movements instinctively, and she began to tremble with excitement at the sensation his thrusting phallus generated in her as it slid back and forth in her. Unconsciously she pulled her knees up, and heard one of the boys giggle again.
"Old Alice really likes it, doesn't she!"
Then suddenly the second boy was all finished, and she waited for the third to begin. She remembers being genuinely disappointed when they all heard voices. Suddenly the flashlight was put out and the boys vanished. Reluctantly she got up, groped around in the moonlight for her panties, put them on, and went back to the party.
That was really the beginning of Alice's sex life. She had experienced the thrill of it for the first time, since the first actual experience had been painful and frightening and had occurred some time before. And in spite of her freckles and gawkiness, she had begun to be a social success, or so she thought, for when the boys came in there were some guarded whispers among the male contingent at the party and suddenly Alice began to be included in all the games.
The one thing that had been said during the episode which might have frightened her was the question:
"Do you think she'll have a baby?"
She thought about it from time to time, and wondered if she would, but having no idea how long it would take, and whether it would have been caused by the fingers or the other instruments, it was not too long before she put it out of her mind and began to feel that she had achieved some kind of a triumph, for now all of the boys in the rural neighborhood and in the small town a few miles distant began to pay attention to her.
Proper education at this point might have changed the entire course of Alice's life, but unfortunately it never occurred to either of Alice's parents that she was getting old enough to have sexual instincts, and they were so preoccupied with grubbing out their living that none of the sly rumors about Alice's availability ever got to their ears. So a way of life was initiated and patterns were set, and the attitudes were molded which led Alice into hours of anxiety and unhappiness later. She still had the skinny neck and the freckles, and the silly grin assumed a guilty sheepishness before the end of the summer, but Alice had something the boys were interested in, and she knew it and that was all that mattered to her. She was accepted.
Parties were infrequent in those years. Farms were some distance apart and opportunities for boys and girls to get enough privacy for real intimacy were seldom. Alice went to town with her parents every Saturday night, and usually was allowed to go to the movies. The boys were eager to sit with her, and she hardly ever sat through the movie without some boy's hand slipped under her skirt with one or more fingers pressed past the hem of her panties exploring the wet warm recesses of her vagina. Alice didn't really care if it went any farther than that as long as it kept the boys attracted to her. Usually her parents were ready to go home as soon as the show was over. She only remembers two or three times during the next two years when she actually had intercourse with a boy.
Then came a day when she was approaching her thirteenth birthday. Her father had planted several acres of the farm to sweet-corn and took orders in town for it, making his delivery every Saturday, so that the corn had to be picked late Friday afternoons. Since the two older brothers worked out, her mother was occupied with raising chickens and the farming took all of her father's time, picking the corn became Alice's responsibility.
The sweet corn patch bordered the creek which ran through the property, and was a quarter of a mile or more from the house, and out of sight around the brow of a hill. The creek had a few catfish in it and boys from the town wandered along it occasionally in the summer with willow poles and hooks and fish worms.
On this particular Friday evening Alice was busy picking corn near the creek itself, when she heard a voice behind her.
"Hi, Alice."
She turned and saw both Ben and Joe, the two boys who had had intercourse with her at the party two years before. She smiled her little sheepish smile and mumbled a greeting.
"You all by yourself, Alice?" Ben asked cautiously, looking around.
She nodded, and explained that she had to pick several bushels of corn, and that her father would come for it when he had finished his day's work.
She saw Ben wink at Joe and heard him say:
"There's plenty of time to have a little fun with Alice.", Joe came up behind her, put his arms around her and fell back pulling her with him. Then he held her tightly while Ben stripped her skirt up around her waist and pulled her panties off.
"Wow, Joe," she remembers his excited voice clearly, "old Alice has grown up some since the night at the party. You ought to see the hair on her pussy now!"
Alice remembers blushing, because she wasn't sure whether it was normal to have hair around her private parts or not. When she had first noticed it she had cut it off with a pair of scissors, but it had persisted in growing, and now had formed quite a substantial matting around her vagina.
"Will you let me look if I don't hold you?" Joe asked.
Alice didn't say anything and Joe took her silence for assent, which it actually was, since she was already growing excited.
Joe admired her hirsute adornment and they discussed it at some length, taking turns handling her, and probing the oily depths of her vagina with exploring fingers.
"Do you ever bleed down here, Alice?" Ben asked her suddenly. She shook her head.
"Good," he said. "Joe, you pick corn for awhile. I'm going to screw Alice. When I get through, I'll pick corn and you can get a piece. We can take turns until the corn is all picked, or we can't get a hard on any more."
Joe grinned and scrambled to his feet, but he picked corn around close so he could watch.
Alice recalled that she had no desire to get away or even to put up a resistance. When Ben took his penis out she looked at it with interest, and was aware of a tingling, pleasant ache in her vaginal region. Ben's penis was longer and larger than it had been two years before, and she wondered if it would fit into her now.
He demonstrated almost immediately that it would. In fact her excitement and the preliminary play of their fingers had caused a profuse flow of her lubricating fluid, so that he had very little trouble in inserting it to its full length.
Apparently Ben had acquired some experience in the intervening two years, for he did not experience the almost instantaneous ejaculation, but instead began to make the coital movements rather expertly, restraining his pace in order to delay completion.
Thinking back on the experience, Alice now realizes that she had developed more fully than she had realized, for the thrill built up in her then with the same intensity that it did in her mature years, and while she would not have known what to call it at that time, she quickly came to an orgasm, thrusting her body up against Ben so he could do nothing but hold his penis thrust fully inside her for a moment or two, while her lungs labored, and she gasped harshly.
Her orgasm stimulated Ben so that in just a few more thrusts he let out a startled gasp, his arms gripped her tightly, and she felt the spasmodic jerking of his penis inside her, and the hot torrent of semen which it pumped out.
He clung to her for a few minutes, then got up and summoned Joe. "Your turn, Joe. I'll pick corn for awhile."
Joe dropped to his knees between her legs and fumbled his trousers open.
"Hey," he exclaimed, "it looks funny after it's been banged, doesn't it? Doesn't even go shut again. Bet I can see inside better'n an inch!"
Then she saw another stiffly erect penis bared, and felt it promptly introduced to the eagerly waiting lips of her vagina, and she experienced a fresh thrill as he pressed it home and began to thrust in and out.
She lost track of time for awhile in the excitement of it, and remembers only that she experienced several more orgasms, while they took turns, alternately picking sweet corn and having intercourse with her. She thinks it was not less than three times each, and more probably four, before they could no longer achieve erections.
They ran on down the creek as soon as they heard her father's wagon coming, and she had barely time enough to get her panties back on before it arrived. Fortunately enough corn had been picked to satisfy her father's wishes. Alice rode back to the house on the back of the wagon, aware that the crotch of her panties was becoming saturated with the excessive quantity of semen which was draining out of her now.
She wondered how she was going to explain the condition of her panties to her mother, but nature chose during that same hour to provide an alibi for her. When she went out to the family toilet behind the house and pulled her panties down she found them stained with blood.
Still completely ignorant of matters any girl her age should have been aware of, she first thought that the sex play had caused the bleeding and she hesitated for a long time before she dared to call her mother to show her the problem.
"It's just your period," her mother said tiredly. "I've been wondering when it would come."
Beyond mentioning casually that Alice could look forward to the bleeding every four weeks, Alice was left in just as much ignorance as she had been in before.
The next day at the sweetcorn patch resulted in a severe disappointment for Joe and Ben, and actually Ben gave her more information about the implications of her period than anyone else did at that time. Ben had gotten access to a book which had given him a considerable amount of information about sex, and he even had a good idea how to predict the dangerous time of the month for her. As soon as her period was finished he and Joe returned and again alternated with the corn picking and the sexual intercourse, and thus the summer passed. Except while she was actually having her period, and three or four days when it was dangerous, Alice averaged six intercourses a day, and some times three or four more on Saturday nights in town, for if the movie was not especially interesting she would slip out of the exit door with boys and go with them to the convenient privacy of the school yard and entertain them in the manner which she had now concluded was the most effective in retaining their interest in her.
By the time she was sixteen Alice was addicted to sex almost as some people become addicted to narcotics. The day which passed without sexual contact with a boy was wasted as far as she was concerned, and though she experimented with masturbation in bed at night on those days, the shallow reach of a finger, and the external stimulation of her finger on her clitoris just did not bring the satisfaction the deep brutal plunge of a long erect penis did.
The passing years had brought a flowering of her breasts, her legs had filled out and were not like ungainly pipe-straws, but she still had the long skinny neck and the freckles, the silly guilty grin, and she had never figured out what to do with her hair except wear it in a short straight bob which did absolutely nothing for her in the way of enhancing her beauty.
Nevertheless the legend of her availability drew boys to her, and when she was sixteen she fell in love. The boy's name was Bob, and his claim to fame was that he was eighteen, and he had a Model A Ford, and a job at which he could earn enough money to keep the Ford in gasoline, and buy an occasional hamburger.
Her first date with him came just after school was out the year she was a junior in high school, and for entertainment he took her out into the country a considerable distance, parked by the creek where they could listen to the frogs and crickets, and showed her how to have sexual intercourse in the front seat of a Model A Ford. It was really quite simple. All she had to do was sit well forward on the seat, with her rump braced against the edge of it and lean back, while he got on his knees in front of her with his back to the windshield, and inserted his penis from this position.
Bob had one other claim to fame, and that was a penis which was fully an inch longer than normal, with proportionately magnificent dimensions, and a satyric capacity for almost continuous intercourse. He came by for Alice every evening, and so in spite of the fact that her father had not planted sweetcorn this year, Alice's daily sexual score diminished only from six a day to three or four, but she did not object, for Bob's staying power was enormous, and the four ejaculations he accomplished each evening involved continuous coitus for nearly two hours.
There was only one problem.
Bob had never heard of the rhythm method of contraception, and his budget did not allow the purchase of condoms. Before the first summer had passed Alice had missed two periods in a row, and enough of the information Ben had imparted to her had remained in her mind to the end that she finally mentioned to her mother that her functions weren't coming out quite right.
A doctor's examination confirmed the fact that she was pregnant, and the next evening her father took her and they drove to Bob's home to discuss the matter with his parents.
Alice has some painful memories of this meeting. Bob recited the legend of her availability in horrifying detail, his father disclaimed any intention of doing anything for Alice's benefit, and Alice's father hit him on the jaw so hard that he was rendered instantly unconscious, and his flying body took out a whole section of a rickety picket fence which bordered the garden.
Her father then had a brief but completely conclusive interview with Bob which resulted in that young man's decision to marry Alice immediately, and when his father recovered consciousness he expressed no desire to contest the decision. So the following Saturday they all drove to the county seat, both sets of parents signed the necessary consents, and a marriage license was issued. The wedding took place Sunday in a church building Alice had never entered before, but where she had inherited the same allegiance her parents had inherited. When the ceremony was finished and she had received a reluctant, but dutiful, kiss from Bob, she turned and faced the crowd assembled, and was able to count twentythree boys who had enjoyed her favors. That night she had her first sexual intercourse completely naked and in bed. And it lasted almost without interruption until the first light of sun the next morning.
So much in detail for the saga of Alice. Since her case is not at all untypical of what many homely, relatively uneducated young girls experienced then, and which many are still experiencing now, it has been recounted in considerable detail in order to emphasize the part lack of education in sex and in social graces, along with parental disinterest, and the need for an unattractive person simply to belong in a beauty conscious world, can play in the perversion of what are simply normal urges into anti-social sexual behavior which eventually damages someone almost irreparably.
Bob deserted Alice shortly after the child was born. She found out later that he had gone west and had wound up in the merchant marine under a different name. Ashamed and resentful, she moved to the nearest city, found a couple with whom she could live, and worked while the woman cared for the child. She narrowly missed becoming a prostitute several times, for she did allow several men to pay her sums of money for sleeping with them when she needed money desperately. She married once more, and it resulted in an almost identical situation-another child and a man not interested in carrying out his responsibilities.
Alice then became very bitter, and a natural instinct for introversion took control of her. While her sexual instincts were still as avid as ever she sublimated them in work and in caring for her children, and developed an almost pathological distaste for men. She still did nothing to improve herself, however, and when her children, both girls, began to enter their teens and become active in social events at school she became conscious that they were ashamed of her plainness.
Apparently the curse of ugliness was going to follow her all through her life, and her feeling of discouragement was extreme.
Fortunately Alice's story seems on its way to a happy ending, or at least a happier ending, and it is an ending which is available to many, but which few find.
Alice became interested in a church which had a ladies program which busied itself with the improvement of its members, and actually gave her the information and motivation she needed to make herself more attractive. She works hard at it, has regained the respect of her children, and has even started to date again, though she was a year or two on the early side of forty when the interview with her was conducted.
Her sexual desires are just as hot under the surface as they were during her teens, but she recognizes the disastrous results which come when there is no effort to control these impulses. She fully expects to marry again, and does not expect to have sexual intercourse until she does, though she realizes this is an ever-present risk. At the conclusion of the interview she expressed the hope that the ends recommended by the survey team might eventually become widely accepted throughout the world, so that many young girls could escape the heartache she experienced.
CHAPTER TWO
The esse of Doris S. is similar in many respects to that of Alice, except that Doris had more handicaps than Alice did in many respects. Doris was not plagued with the angular gawkiness which was Alice's lot. In fact her figure left little to be desired once she had obtained the necessary years to make it so. Her principal physical problems were that she was cross-eyed-which could have been remedied by relatively simple surgery-and her two upper front teeth were widely spaced, almost to the point that one would think that she had lost one. This too could have been corrected by dental care.
Whether Doris would have received this care even had she known of it, or had it been available at a reasonable cost, or no cost, is open to question. Doris' problem was her mother, who should have had some education in social adjustment herself. She worked as a bar waitress in a cheap dive in a small town in the western United States noted chiefly for its mineral water spa. She was not a prostitute by trade, but neither had she ever refrained from entertaining a man if he had money to offer, and it was her sexual misconduct which had broken up her marriage only a few years after Doris' birth.
She saw that Doris had a roof over her head, even though it was shared by a variety of men, food in her stomach, and clothes on her back. She provided little else either in the nature of love, guidance or information, and since Doris did not go to church, and there was no education in school as to social adjustment, Doris simply moved through the years without it.
She was in her early teens when, one night, she waked during the night and felt the need to make a trip to the bathroom. She assumed that her mother was asleep, and so she went quietly in her bare feet. The hall led past her mother's room, and since a light was on and the door open, she glanced in. There was a man in the bed with her mother, and neither of them was aware of her. Doris had never witnessed sex before, but she had heard enough to know that she was seeing it now, and she watched in fascination.
Her mother's legs were drawn up to encircle the man's body, and the bed sat at such an angle that Doris could see his penis alternately bared and buried as he made the urgent coital movements. She watched and listened to the guttural grunts of satisfaction they both made, and to the wheeze of labored breathing.
She did not want to be caught watching them, so after a few minutes she slipped on down the hall to the bathroom and relieved herself. But watching them had given her a strange feeling, and she touched her own vagina, wondering if it were really big enough to accommodate the size of the man's penis she had just seen. She was a little surprised to find her vagina unusually moist, and when her finger awkwardly encountered her clitoris the touch almost doubled her over with a thrill.
She left the bathroom without flushing the toilet, watched her mother and the male companion for another moment or two, then went on back to her own bedroom. She shut the door carefully, climbed back into bed and tried to go to sleep.
Sleep would not come, and the persistent strange yearning ache between her legs would not go away. After a time she got up, turned on the light, blinking painfully at the sudden brightness, got a hand mirror from her bureau and went back to the bed.
Holding the mirror so that it reflected the image of her own vagina back to her, she examined herself carefully. She had developed a considerable growth of hair on the large outer lips of her vagina, and there was a mound of it on the little soft bump of flesh at the top. For some reason the sight of it seemed to excite her even more. With her fingers she spread the outer lips apart and looked at the inner lips. They were quite red and looked swollen as if they might be engorged with blood. At the top, where they came together she could see a little pink round tip, and she knew it was what had given her the tremendous thrill when she touched it in the bathroom a few minutes before, though she had not the slightest idea at the time that it was called a clitoris.
She touched it again, and again felt the thrill. She continued to rub it gently, then more roughly and rapidly as the pleasurable feeling came close to overwhelming her. Watching in the mirror she could see the accumulation of whitish oil fluid bathing the lips of her vagina. The harder and faster she rubbed, the more the oil bathed it and the better it felt, and finally the thrill was so great she doubled up again, dropped the mirror on the bed and felt her body tremble violently.
She had to stop rubbing the clitoris then for a time, so the terrible excitement would stop making her feel faint. While she rested she kept thinking of the long red penis which had been plunging in and out of her mother's vagina, and wondering how it would feel. She looked around the room to see if there was anything she might be able to use as a substitute.
There was nothing, until she remembered the candle in one of the drawers. Electrical service was not too dependable in their town, and they had candles in each room against the time when they might be needed. She got up and found it and came back to the bed.
Again using the mirror to guide her she inspected her vagina and saw that anything to be inserted into it would have to pass between the swollen inner lips at a point below the clitoris, where they could be spread far enough to permit looking into her own body. Carefully she inserted the end of the candle and pushed it into herself.
It would only go an inch or so before she felt resistance and pain. She took it out, but the strange excited feeling persisted and she could not forget what the man was doing to her mother in the other room. She inserted it again and pushed a little harder. It still hurt, so she slid it back and forth for the inch or so it would travel and found the sensation pleasant. How much more pleasant it would be, she thought, if she could get it all the way in. After all her mother seemed to be having no difficulty at all with something considerably larger.
So she pressed again, and even though it hurt, she pushed and wiggled it until suddenly, with a quick sharp pain, it slid past whatever the obstruction was, and she could feel the hardness of it way up into her body. She pulled it out again and was surprised to see that it had penetrated only four or five inches. There was still a little soreness, but the strange feeling it gave her thrilled her so that she ignored it until it disappeared, and, still watching herself in the mirror, she thrust the candle in and out rapidly until she could feel the intense thrill building up again.
Finally she dropped the mirror so she could caress her clitoris with her other hand. The pleasurable sensation became so great that she made the candle literally flash in and out while she feverishly rubbed the hard little clitoris until suddenly she was in the spasm of climax and all she wanted was to feel the hard form of the candle as far inside her body as she could thrust it, while she lay there trembling and jerking, feeling the blood course with a tingling sensation through all the sensitive parts of her vagina.
After a few moments she decided to do it all over again, and picked up the mirror to look again. Suddenly all desire left her and fear came when she saw a smear of blood on the candle when she pulled it out. Looking close she saw that the inner lips of her vagina were smeared with blood and that streaks of it were in the soft brown hair on each side. Now that the pounding thrill of it had subsided somewhat her vagina felt sore inside, and she no longer wanted to probe at it with the candle.
Half sobbing, she got up, found an old worn out pair of panties in the bottom of her drawer, and used them to rub the blood off the candle, and to clean the stain from the throbbing lips of her vagina. Finally she folded them carefully, snuggled them up against her vagina and pulled on another pair of panties to hold them in place, so that if she bled more during the night it would not get on the sheets of her bed.
Then she put the light out and, exhausted, went to sleep listening to the rhythmic creaking of bed springs in the next room.
This was Doris' introduction to the heady thrill of sex. Unfortunately she still knew nothing about it, and had no idea what kind of relationships with boys could become involved. In fact she hardly thought of boys, because her crossed eyes and funny looking mouth had pretty well insured, so she thought, that they would be thinking little of her. Of pregnancy and venereal disease she had no concept at all.
Strangely her early interest in masturbation quickly brought her into contact with male interest. It happened, potentially at least, the very next night when she decided to try another bout with the candle. The whole course of her life might have been different if she had been content to quietly masturbate in the dark, but the sight of the activity in her vagina seemed to heighten the excitement for her, so she left the light on. And she forgot to pull the blind on the window. She was very careless about the blind, and unknown to her a neighbor boy, Jay, about fourteen years old, who lived in the house directly behind hers, had several times watched her undress for bed from his own window, and had acquired a pair of cheap binoculars which made it a very interesting project for him on the occasions when she did forget the blind.
Jay was an eager spectator that night as she spread her legs apart and saw with satisfaction via the mirror that there was no longer any sign of bleeding. His excitement mounted mightily as she began to stroke her clitoris with her finger, and when she shortly plunged the candle in between the ready lips of her vagina his stimulation was so great he seized his own erect penis and masturbated along with her.
He was through long before she was, for the soreness had passed, and she found nothing but thrilling satisfaction in the smooth rapid glide of the candle as she plunged it in and out and watched the alternate retreat and advance of her inner lips as they seemed to grasp and try to retain the candle.
Jay watched for the entire hour which she allotted herself for masturbating, and when she finally put out the light, he lay awake for a long time, reliving in his mind the tableau which the binoculars and the lighted window had provided.
As was indicated at the beginning of this chapter, the town in which Doris lived was noted for its mineral water spa. The town owned a large swimming pool which attracted a large clientele during the summer, but which was sparsely used during the winter and early spring months. The young people around town had taken advantage of the management's decision to give passes for work performed around the place, and Doris had earned several by laundering swim suits and towels. On the first Saturday afternoon after she had discovered the thrill of masturbation she used one of the passes to go swimming.
Jay had earned some passes by shoveling snow away from the walks and steps and parking areas of the pool, and when he became aware that Doris was in the pool, he surrendered one of his passes and was soon in the pool with her.
The day was a crisp one and the warm water caused a considerable volume of steam, so that the far end of the pool could hardly be seen from the front where the diving boards and offices were.
A substantial rope was stretched across the pool at a point where the water depth reached about four feet, and Doris was clinging to this rope, enjoying the weightless sensation of her body in the buoying water. She knew Jay and was flattered when he deigned to notice her and came to cling to the rope with her.
Jay made a little conversation with her, but was actually trying to decide what kind of an advance to make, for he had reasoned that if Doris had enjoyed what she was doing to herself with the candle, she could by no rule of logic have any objection to his touching her in the same region, and perhaps even making an inspection of the fascinating area himself.
He finally decided on a direct approach with no niceties in the way of preparation. He simply let go of the rope, made as if to pass behind Doris, but turned and. approached her between her outstretched legs, pulled the crotch of her bathing suit to one side with one hand, and pushed the outstretched finger of his other hand directly into her vagina. Doris stiffened, turned a startled look at him, but made no outcry, so he began to move his finger in and out, simulating coital movements.
Doris really didn't know what to do. She didn't want to create an uproar. She didn't want to make trouble for Jay, and she was flattered that he was interested enough in her to attempt any such thing. By the time she could have arrived at any decision the hot yearning feeling had seized her, the probing finger felt good, so she let him do as he pleased, even when he lifted her out of the water and took a good long look at her vagina.
Jay was not aware of it, but Doris would have made no objection if he had substituted his penis for the thrusting finger, but he was a little frightened by the public nature of what they were doing, and in truth a little frightened to actually engage in sexual intercourse.
For several weeks however, he kept close observation of Doris' coming and goings at the pool and managed to get into the water with her quite frequently. They were hardly ever alone, but he learned how to stand close to her and masturbate her with his finger even when several other young people were around them without anyone being the wiser. His interest in Doris fascinated the other young boys his age, since she had never been on anyone's list of interesting girls, and several of them began to suspect just the nature of his interest in her.
Finally late one afternoon the day arrived when there was just the two of them in the pool and the steam was even more intense than usual. Doris was hanging to the rope as usual, and Jay was behind her as usual, his fingers busy in her vagina. He was conscious that his penis was painfully erect in his trunks, and he made a sudden decision.
He undid the knot of the belt which held his trunks up and let them sag enough to free his phallus. Moving close in between Doris' legs, he pulled the crotch of her swim suit as far to one side as he could, pointed the head of his penis into the exposed crevice and pushed as swiftly as he could.
Several weeks of nightly activity with the candle had thoroughly destroyed her hymen and had loosened the tight muscles, so that Jay was completely buried in her with far less effort than he had anticipated. She turned her head and looked at him over her shoulder, and both of them were suddenly surprised to find themselves in the posture of sexual intercourse with neither of them having ever made any indication to the other as to desire, consent or intention.
Doris was instantly aware that the candle was no satisfactory substitute for the alive quality of the boy's erect penis, so she turned her head again, bent her body at the hips just enough to make the angle of entry satisfactory to Jay, and waited patiently for him to take the initiative.
Jay took it, for the instinct to execute primitive coital movements is in any male, and he could not have prevented himself at this stage. But as the sensation communicated itself and he realized that he was actually having sexual intercourse with a girl the inevitable result occurred. He gasped and ejaculated.
Doris confided in the interview that the significance of his orgasm was completely lost on her. She felt the spasmodic jerking of his penis inside her, was aware of a sudden increase in the moistness of her vaginal tract, and felt a great deal of pleasure in the sensation though it was not prolonged sufficiently for her to reach an orgasm herself. She had no knowledge of sex, did not know if she was capable of having a child, or that the injection of seminal fluid into her vaginal tract could accomplish it. All she knew about sex was that her mother seemed to enjoy it, and that one talked about it in whispers and that it was pretty much of a secret.
There was enough fog in the pool to insure secrecy, so she continued to cling to the rope, while Jay continued to stand closely behind her with his phallus buried in her. At first it seemed to her that his penis was going to lose its erect firmness. She glanced over her shoulder again at him and saw him staring down at her rump, which was partially bare since he had pulled the crotch piece of her bathing suit so far to one side. Instinctively she knew that the sight of her bare bottom and the visual evidence of his penis inserted into her was keeping him aroused.
Confirmation came quickly enough when in just a few moments he began to move it back and forth again, setting up the most pleasant sensation in her vagina. The edge of his bathing trunks touched her clitoris every time he pushed forward, and she shifted the position of her body several times in order to get the maximum effect of this.
Jay began to increase the speed of his coital thrusts and in a few moments her enjoyment of what they were doing was so intense she was hardly aware of their surroundings or of the possibility that they might be observed. She began to pant, and then to actually gasp for breath, and even though Jay was exerting all the effort she felt as if she were expending an enormous amount of energy. The excitement grew and grew and she had no idea what to expect. She began to wonder if she was going to faint there in the water, when suddenly she felt his hands grip her around the hips and pull her toward him. It was almost as if he were trying to follow his penis into her with his entire body, and then she felt the spasmodic jerking again, and then she felt much the same sensation in her own body as if the muscles of her vaginal tract were trying to draw him into it.
This time when Jay was through he was really through, and though he stood there for a time looking down at her bare behind and his penis was still inside her it was small and weak, and it bent whenever she moved. After a time she heard him sigh, and then it was gone and her bathing suit once again covered her private areas. Jay joined her at the rope.
"Damn, Doris!" he exclaimed, "That really felt good! Did you like it?"
At first she wasn't going to admit it, then she realized she had, and certainly her mother did. She saw nothing to be ashamed of. So she nodded.
"Let's do it every chance we get." Jay suggested.
She agreed. "Okay."
That night in bed she kept thinking about it and the strange aching urge came back. She got up and got the candle and thrust it in, but it didn't feel as good as it had on the other nights. It was cold and it stabbed straight in instead of being a little curved to fit her body and it wasn't the right shape or length, and it just didn't feel right. She put it back in the drawer, returned to the bed and rubbed her clitoris with her finger until she went to sleep., It was a few days before she went to the pool again, this time on a Saturday afternoon. She had taken satisfaction during this time in the little secret she thought she shared with Jay, and she felt wanted and needed, even if this much satisfaction had to be kept secret from everyone except Jay. It was enough not to be ignored by everyone. Now, at least, she had one admirer.
As it turned out, male-like, Jay had not been able to resist boasting about his conquest. By Saturday every boy in the town knew that Doris was willing to have sexual intercourse with a boy. And if she was willing to have it with one boy, why not any boy?
Saturday was another crisp day, discouraging to most people as far as swimming was concerned. The indoor pool was so filled with steam it was not possible to see more than ten or twelve feet from the edge. Doris surrendered another pass and went in, wondering if Jay would come.
He did and so did seven or eight other boys. The pool attendant circled the pool a few times at first and they swam, ducked each other and horsed around, ignoring Doris, until he got chilled and went back into the small office. Then they approached her.
"Hey, Doris," one of them said, "we want to look at your cunt."
She knew what they meant by the word. She wheeled and tried to swim away, but they had surrounded her, even Jay, all grinning eagerly. Again, she knew she could have screamed, but again the experience of being noticed seemed to have value, and she did not want to get them into trouble, or make any more public the small amount of embarrassment she felt.
There was not much point in resisting their superior numbers and strength, so she made only a token resistance when they grabbed her and supported her body in a prone position just above the water, while two of them pulled her legs apart and another pulled the crotch of her suit aside and exposed her vagina.
"Wow, look at the hair!" one of them exclaimed.
"I thought you were kidding when you said you fucked her, Jay," another said. "I guess you weren't. Her old pussy looks big enough to stick a cock into."
"Well, what are we waiting for?" another asked. "Let's all fuck her!"
"Me first!" said the one holding the crotch of her swim suit aside. He swiftly undid the belt of his swim suit, freed himself and Doris had her second glimpse of an erect penis. The odd shaped glans penis fascinated her, but she didn't get much of a look at it, for it was promptly buried in her, and she felt the swiftly returning thrill of sexual contact.
There were eight of them, but none of them was able to execute the coital movements for more than a minute or so before ejaculating. Even though three or four of them took more than one turn, it was less than twenty minutes before they released her, fearing discovery.
Jay had taken his turn with the others, and she had cried when he did. There was no longer a secret between them and he was the betrayer. She gave him a reproachful look as she climbed out of the pool and hurried to the dressing room. Still crying a little she stripped the suit off and went to the bathroom. She felt as if she wanted to urinate, but the only thing which came was a sticky stream of whitish substance.
There was a lot of it. She kept wiping it away with toilet paper, but it kept flowing for quite a while, finally ceasing. She dressed, wondering what it was.
In the short space of a week Doris had acquired a reputation, and one which insured her plenty of male attention. When she got over her first disappointment at Jay's betrayal, she began to enjoy her new-found popularity. The fact that every date she had, whether to a movie, a party or a dance, culminated in a few minutes in some secluded spot during which time her panties were quickly removed and a penis inserted into her, did not disturb her at all. She liked the sensation, and reasoned that if it were good enough for her mother it must be good enough for her.
She began to have her menstrual flow before the end of that year, but she was never during the course of her life able to become pregnant. Whether this was fortunate or unfortunate will not likely be decided. Certainly, as she developed socially, Doris was not to be a fit person to be a mother. If she had conceived an illegitimate baby at some point in her youth, it might have resulted in marriage, or at least some education for her. Since it did not happen, Doris was free to play at sex constantly until she slipped almost unconsciously into prostitution.
Her mother developed arthritic rheumatism by the time Doris was twenty-three, to the point where she was unable to work. Since none of Doris' sexual playmates was interested in dignifying the encounters by marriage, it was necessary for Doris to take up the task of making the living for both of them.
She simply took over her mother's job at the bar, began drinking too much, and swiftly found out that what she had given freely for so many years, was readily salable, and no less enjoyable by reason of the financial factor.
At the time of the interview with her, Doris was forty-three, had just undergone an operation for uterine cancer, and had little idea of whether she faced the prospect of years or only months of continued life.
Her speech was uncouth to the extreme, her idea of morals almost non-existent, but withal her denials of any regrets, it was evident that she was a very bitter, discouraged woman, with no future to look forward to, but only a continuation of a bitter and discouraging past.
Yet, at forty-three, she still had a good figure. School records indicated that she was not stupid. A little surgery on her eyes at the right time in her life, and a little judgment on the part of a boy who could not resist boasting, and a little discretion on the part of a mother who might nave kept her door closed-who knows what kind of a woman Doris might have turned out to be?
The price of the education and facilities advocated by the study group seems a small price in comparison to the wasted life of this one woman. Yet, Doris was only one of thousands....
CHAPTER THREE
Ethel L. was a homosexual. Interviewed when she was twenty-five, Ethel was contacted at a night-club catering almost exclusively to homosexuals, and was chosen because she was one of the few approached who indicated a willingness to discuss her peculiarity.
Unlike Doris and Alice, both of whom were only of normal intelligence and limited talent, Ethel was unusually intelligent, and a talented artist. At the time of the interview she was employed by a well known public relations firm doing advertising art lay-outs.
Ethel's problem was that she was shaped more like a man than a woman. It was true that she had breasts, but they tended to be overshadowed by a square mannish frame with broad shoulders and a masculine way of walking. Her face was more ruggedly masculine than feminine, and she affected a lazy type of hair-do which suggested a boy's hair cut rather than a feminine style.
Her mother died when she was very small and she grew up in a family which was all male except for her. Her father did not remarry, and was able to run the house without the need of a housekeeper. Her brothers treated her as one of themselves, and she never did outgrow a tom-boy approach to social adjustment.
While her face was not grotesquely ugly, it was not an attractive face, and it did not attract boys, except possibly to jeer. And her habit of attacking a jeerer with masculine ferocity and effectiveness did not earn her any affectionate male interest.
No one mentioned sex to her in her girlhood. No one encouraged her to do anything about her hair. No one selected frilly, feminine things for her to wear, and no one went into such matters as etiquette, other than basic politeness, nor was she encouraged to attend parties where some social mixing might have formed different habits.
Her father noticed her talent for art when she was young, and this was the one thing he did encourage. When she finished high school he sent her away to a college which specialized in art, and provided her with enough money so that she could live on campus, sharing a room with another coed.
Up to this point, Ethel was practically neuter in gender, and had never considered her sex organs as other than functional for digestive eliminative processes. Her breasts she tolerated, but kept them well trussed in strong, flattening brassieres.
But she roomed with Sally who had already become a homosexual, and who was delighted with her good fortune in drawing a roommate who looked so much like a man, and yet was female. She seemed to sense Ethel's latent homosexuality, and she laid her plans immediately.
The first night they shared the room, Ethel, as was her habit, took a shower before retiring and since the dressing facilities in the small room were not too generous, came back into the retirement area of their space with nothing on except the towel, and even this she wore draped around her neck as a male usually does.
She was a little "surprised to find that Sally had stripped and was reclining on her bed, totally nude in what was intended to be a seductive pose. Ethel made no comment. Sally did.
"I don't see why you wear the kind of brassiere you do," she said. "You have such beautiful breasts, Ethel. I would think you would want to dress to make the most of them and let people see what you have."
Ethel smiled, a sad little smile.
"With a face like mine it doesn't make much difference. The boys wouldn't notice me no matter what I did. I look more like a man than a woman-except for my breasts."
"Well," Sally said, "the tighter you bind them up the more like a man you look. Maybe if you showed them a little more the boys would pay attention."
There was a peculiar stress in her tone when she said "boys" which caught Ethel's attention. With her characteristic directness she asked: "Sounds like you don't think much of boys."
Sally was equally blunt. "I don't."
"Why?"
"All they ever think about is trying to get their long old cocks into a girl."
Ethel was shocked, but still curious.
"Well, I suppose that's natural-if they think the girl is cute. Did you ever have one try it with you?"
Sally nodded. "That's why I don't go out with them any more."
Ethel shrugged and sat down on her bed, still nude except for the towel around her neck. She was conscious that Sally hadn't taken her eyes from her breasts, but for some reason she didn't much care. In fact it was flattering.
She decided to be very direct:
"Did you ever let a boy do it to you?"
Sally nodded and blushed. "Once. It hurt terribly. I wouldn't let him finish, and I never let another one even try."
"Well, I think it is supposed to hurt," Ethel said. "At least the first time or two. After that I guess it is supposed to be really nice."
"Did you ever try it?"
Ethel looked sad again. "No boy ever tried to with me." She thought for a moment. "I don't know if I would have let him anyway."
Sally sat up on the bed and faced her. Ethel noticed for the first time that the tips of Sally's breasts were suddenly bigger and more deeply colored than they had been when she first came into the room from her shower.
"Who needs boys, anyway?" Sally said intensely. "Girls can have just as much fun together."
Ethel shrugged. "Well, I suppose they can run around and go places together and have fun all right. But if a girl wants to get married and have babies, or even just have sex without getting married-well, it seems like there would have to be a boy."
Sally shook her head. "Girls can have fun with sex, too."
Ethel looked her surprise. Sally got up and came across to stand right in front of her. She reached her hands and touched Ethel's breasts and fondled them.
"They're so soft and smooth," she whispered. "Touch mine, Honey, please."
Ethel felt a pleasant sensation at the soft flattering touch of the other girl's fingers. An emotion she had never felt before stirred inside her. Almost without her conscious will, her own hands lifted and her hands touched Sally's breasts and her fingers pressed gently at the distended tips. Sally made a wordless little crooning sound, and the strange intent feeling became stronger inside Ethel. She could not understand it.
Sally crouched down on the bed beside her and pushed her back so that she was flat on her back. She felt Sally's soft lips brush her neck and her square shoulders, then travel along the thrust of her breasts and into the crevice between them. Then she felt the moist hot touch of the other girl's tongue on her flesh, tantalizing the sensitive flesh around the very tip of her breasts, and softly laving the nipples themselves so that they suddenly jutted up proud and firm.
The sensation suddenly became delicious to Ethel and she felt her breath move in and out in long shuddering gasps. Her hands sought Sally's head and her fingers curled through the long blond tresses of hair.
Sally's mouth left her breasts suddenly and she felt her hands pulling at her.
"Now it's my turn," Sally gasped. "Kiss my breasts, Ethel!"
Ethel did, and found the same thrill and kissing the soft perfumed flesh, in raking her tongue around the velvety surface, and in pushing with her tongue at the fiercely erect little tips. Sally moaned quietly and squirmed under her touch, obviously thrilled beyond measure.
After a time Sally sat up and pushed Ethel back into a prone position.
"Now I'll show you why we don't need boys!"
She moved on the bed, and in a second her hips were beside Ethel's head, her face was just over Ethel's lower body, and she was gently, but insistently pushing Ethel's legs apart. Then Ethel felt a thrilling new sensation, and felt her whole body become tense and shiver as Sally's tongue touched her exposed vagina, and tracing a tingling path along the rosy inner lips to finally come in direct contact with her clitoris. Then the tongue did a million tiny acrobatic twists there until Ethel felt that she must either faint or go out of her mind with pleasure.
Twisting in the throes of her ecstasy, Ethel became aware of Sally's hips near her face and suddenly she wanted to look at and to touch Sally's own vagina.
Twisting to the side she lifted Sally's thigh and brought it over her so that now the other girl's legs were stretched one on each side of Ethel's shoulders and her vagina was directly in front of Ethel's face.
Ethel stared at it, and since she had never been particularly curious about her own, it was really the first she had ever really examined. She was intrigued by the thick heavy outer lips with the downy coating of blond hair, and the glistening pink inner lips with the sheen of moisture spreading over them. With her fingers Ethel parted them and saw the deeper red reaches of the interior of Sally's body, and the almost white tip of the clitoris peeping from the delicate fold where the inner lips came together at the top.
Suddenly she was obsessed with the desire to do the same thing to Sally that Sally was doing to her. She bent her head forward and thrust her tongue into the glistening crevice, and then drew it slowly along until it encountered the tiny shaft of the clitoris. Then she moved her tongue in tiny circles around and around it until she felt Sally's body quiver and jerk with pleasure.
She lost track of time then, and had no idea how long they clung together, caressing each other and sending the waves of voluptuous delight through one another, but it was quite late when they reached a point of satiation, and drew apart and went quietly to sleep in their own beds.
Neither of them talked of the experience as they dressed for classes the next morning, but the thought of it seldom left Ethel's head, and she had trouble concentrating on the school activities throughout the day.
It might be interesting to reflect at this point whether Ethel would have been so easily drawn into this homosexual liaison if she had been exposed to certain influences which were simply not available to her at that time, and might not be readily available to her even today.
If, for example, Ethel had been taught to fix her hair in a manner which might have enhanced her not particularly unpleasant features; if she had been taught to dress in a manner which had accentuated the femininity of her breasts and drawn attention away from her square shoulders; if she had been taught some degree of social adjustment wherein she had become interested in the activities peculiar to girls; had learned to dance, and even to flirt a little; and particularly if she had had a good basic grounding in sexual knowledge so that she could be aware of the social pitfalls of falling into homosexuality, and aware at the same time of the normal advantages of man-woman relationships culminating in home, marriage and family-Ethel's life might have been distinctly different. Whether it would have been of greater satisfaction to her is not for this treatise to determine, but it is certain that her social conduct in normal patterns and paths would have fitted her more gracefully into society, and saved her the humiliation of many snubs and jeers which she had to endure later.
Unfortunately none of these advantages were available to her, and her father, a good, kind, but naive man, was hardly aware of homosexuality, and it just never occurred to him that his tom boyish, square-rigged daughter might ever be exposed to its seduction.
For seduction it was. Sally worked unceasingly to pervert Ethel to an anti-male hostility, and was jealous of the loyalty which they developed for each other.
Every night was a thrilling experience for them, and they never seemed to tire of their sexual familiarities, or to fail to seek new varieties of contact.
One of their favorite modes was to bring their genital areas together so that each girl straddled the other's trunk along its length, and their vaginas came into direct contact with each other. Then they would rotate their hips in tiny circles so that the vulva were pressed tightly together and stimulated by the friction, and each clitoris was pressed snugly into hot moist flesh which rubbed and stimulated it until each of the girls was almost ready to faint from the pleasure of the contact.
Their close friendship and loyalty to each other, and the fact that they never dated boys, even patently scorned them, quickly earned them the reputation of being "queers," and they were speedily the laughingstock of the campus. This did not disturb them in any measure. Ethel resented it at first but Sally took it completely in stride, and soon brought Ethel to the same attitude.
Since they confined the intimate aspect of the relationship to their room, and made it plain to all neighbors that they did not welcome visitors, they were left alone and if the college authorities were aware of the relationship they maintained a hands-off attitude and permitted both girls, who were otherwise excellent students, to continue on through the needed years and to graduate with honors academically.
Both of them then severed all but the most casual ties with family and childhood friends, set up housekeeping together, got jobs, cultivated a few friends of the same sexual-social instincts, and confined their search for entertainment outside of each other to the night club where they were welcomed, and where anyone who relished the bisexual attitude of the majority of the world's people was looked upon as being out of place.
Both Ethel and Sally are relatively young, both are very intelligent, both are potentially excellent wives and mothers, but it seems apparent that this talent is going to be completely lost to society, and that their use and relationship to mankind generally is going to be confined to their commercial talents.
Since neither have any criminal instincts, society is not likely to be harmed in any particular way by either of them, except as their preoccupation with each other might seem noble and desirable to other potential homosexuals, but the real tragedy of it will come sometime in the future when death terminates their relationship and one of them is left without kin or descendants. The reaction at that time of the survivor to a bisexual world may have a potential for trouble of some unpredictable dimension.
While Sally and Ethel are typical of many homosexuals, objects of derision, but not particularly menacing to society, Lydia was of a different cut of cloth all together, and a much greater menace to society.
Lydia's ugliness was confined almost exclusively to her disposition. Her face could have been almost pretty had she worn anything but a defiant snarl upon it.
Like Doris, Lydia came from a broken home, though her mother worked at a respectable job and had enough money, along with the support she received from the estranged father, to maintain them in some comfort. Lydia and her mother seldom saw eye to eye on any matter and their time together, from Lydia's fourteenth birthday, was filled with bickering and quarreling. Some of it was over Lydia's insistence of wearing her hair in extreme styles, few of which were really compatible with her particular features, and her demand to be allowed to date at much too early an age.
Like many parents, her mother failed to give her sufficient sexual education, so that her attitude toward the subject was one of eagerness to get started and to try anything.
Her rebellious attitude carried over into school, where she defied every rule she could, wore her skirts as short, or shorter than was permitted and was frequently sent home to change them, and where she finally out of sheer perversity, combined the short skirts with no underpanties so that she kept any class in a complete uproar with all of the boys in front of her dropping pencils, or going through all sorts of maneuvers to get a peek up the short skirts.
Generally when she was sent home she did not bother to return to school, but stayed at home, smoked her mother's cigarettes, played records, and wasted time generally. Some times she spent the time alone, usually masturbating for hours at a time, but finally formed liaisons with other rebellious classmates, and the afternoons became minor orgies.
Neighbors phoned the school occasionally, and her mother had to come home, break up the parties, and transport her back to school. The school attendance officer spent hours with her, trying to break through the shell of disobedient reaction, and finally suggested to Lydia's mother that both of them try counseling.
They did try it, contacting a county-maintained service, and going regularly every Monday night for several weeks, but it seemed to do no good. Lydia continued to cut school and throw parties in her home for anyone else sharing her anti-social attitudes.
Finally when her mother came home one afternoon, after having been called by the school, and found marijuana cigarettes and some older boys with Lydia and two other girls, she threw something too. She threw up her hands and had Lydia declared incorrigible and transferred to a hall for juvenile delinquents.
The hall did little for Lydia except clamp an iron discipline on her which built her resentment to an extreme. She grew homesick and cried herself to sleep almost every night, but the experience instead of chastening her only intensified her bitterness toward her mother. On the few occasions when she was allowed to go home for a visit, the old resentments and quarrels boiled over again and it became clear that Lydia and her mother were never going to be able to stay together unless intensive counseling could change the girl.
She was finally transferred to a school where she could complete her education, but where the hall methods of discipline were maintained and where it was impossible to cut classes. Homesick for freedom, resentful and bitter, she settled down to the routine, determined only to wait it out until she was old enough to make her own way. Then she would be on her own, and to hell with the whole world except a few kids she knew who felt the same way she did.
She resented the fact that they had to be in bed every night by ten and the lights went out at that time whether they were ready or not. Out of sheer boredom she took up the habit of masturbating again, and she cared little if anyone was aware of it.
One night it was hot and she left the cover off. Even though it was a dormitory and the beds on each side of her were no more than four feet away, she flung her legs apart, applied her finger to her clitoris and began rubbing it vigorously. As her excitement grew she began to breathe vigorously and attracted the attention of the girl in the next bed. The other girl sat up and peered through the dimness of the room.
"What are you doing, Lyd-playing with your snatch?"
"Yes," Lydia panted. "What in hell else is there to do in this Goddamned place?"
"Not much, I guess," the answer came. "I'd much rather let a boy screw me, but I guess finger-fucking is better than nothing. Let's be gay together, Lyd."
Lydia stopped masturbating and sat up.
"What do you mean-be gay?"
"You know. Be gay. Like the fairies-the queers."
"I guess I don't know," Lydia admitted. "I've always wondered what the queers do. Never could see how two girls could make it together. Do you know?"
"Sure. For one thing they eat each other. That's really boss. Ever have a boy eat you, Lyd?"
Lydia shook her head. "I've let them screw me a few times if that's what you mean."
The other girl snorted. "That's for kids and squares. Eating really sends you. Want to try it?"
Lydia shrugged. "Why not? If it's against the rules of this damned place it must be all right."
She heard the other girl get up and cross to her bed.
"Okay, I'll eat you first, then you do it to me. Actually you can do it to each other at the same time, but it takes a little practice. Turn sideways on the bed and get your butt over here on the edge.
Lydia did that and let her legs hang over the edge of the bed. Dimly she could see the other girl kneel down in front of her, then felt her hands lift her legs and push them up and back until she was in a crouching position on her back.
Then she felt fingers touch her vagina, spread its lips apart and then she shuddered as a warm wet tongue touched her clitoris and licked vigorously at it. She felt as if a fire were being kindled inside her, and her breath began to rush in and out almost faster than she could manage it.
The tongue played around all over her vagina, tantalizing the clitoris, slipping swiftly up and down the length of her exposed vulva, darting into the open crevice and returning to the clitoris, until she was weak with delight and passion.
After awhile it stopped abruptly and the girl said:
"That's enough for you for awhile Lyd. Now I'm as hot as a four-dollar pistol, and it's your turn!"
Obediently Lydia followed her to the other bed and knelt down on the floor. The other girl assumed the spraddled position on the edge of her bed and Lydia touched her vagina, peering at it in the dim light. It did not smell too good and Lydia wondered if it would make her sick to touch her tongue to it. It was her turn, though, and she knew this girl could be mean if she was crossed in any way. She heard the whispered command: "Eat it, Lyd!" and she bent close and touched her tongue to the moist hot area.
It was not as bad as she thought it might be. The other girl quivered with delight when her tongue began to caress the hard little clitoris, and her body jerked in spasms of satisfaction while Lydia's tongue licked at her exposed vulva. She kept it up for as long as she thought the other girl wanted her to, then stood up.
"Now what?"
"Get on the bed with me. I'll stick a couple of fingers in you and you stick a couple in me. We'll taper off that way. It feels good and it's like making it with a boy, and you sleep easier afterward."
They lay down together with heads at the opposite ends of the bed and in an instant Lydia felt two fingers thrust inside her vagina, and she began to pant again as the girl moved them in and out in rapid coital thrusts.
She pushed her finger into the waiting vagina in front of her and began to work it back and forth.
"One's not enough!" the girl panted. "Put two or three in, Lyd. It feels more like a cock that way."
Lydia slipped another finger into the greasy opening and heard the other girl sigh in satisfaction. After a few minutes the other girl signalled that she had had enough, and Lydia returned to her own bed.
She wasn't sure she liked being gay, but it had felt good and she felt relaxed. It was fun to have it done to her, but she didn't really want to do it to someone else. Particularly the girl next to her. She was a big, rough, uncouth girl from a rough part of town and Lydia instinctively disliked her. But it was a gesture of defiance to the establishment, and it was something to do and having it done to her was a thrill.
So she learned to be gay, and she quickly found out that most of the girls had learned to be gay. They switched around and she only did it once more with the big rough girl. There was a little blond girl in the bed directly across the dormitory and it was better with her. She kept herself very clean, and was much gender.
Her term passed swiftly, though it did not seem swift at the time. She got released in the Spring and went to live with her grandmother and grandfather. Being penned up for all that time had not been pleasant and she did not want to repeat the experience, so she played it cool, as she phrased it, and was careful to do at least the minimum required of her. She had a job in a doughnut stand and got acquainted with some groovy boys.
She would be eighteen at the end of the next school term, and they could never throw her into juvy again, so she endured the year of high school and even managed to pass. She only cut a few times and stayed out of trouble then.
In fact she had done so well that she was engaged to be married to a boy she would have unhesitatingly written off as a hopeless square a couple of years before.
Her grandparents had felt the strain of caring for her, never knowing when she might go off like a stick of dynamite in their hands, and they were delighted when she decided to marry the boy and settle down.
Lydia looked forward to her wedding night with eagerness. She had permitted several boys to have intercourse with her before the span of time in juvenile hall, and had found it thrilling. Since her release she had not taken a chance. Now she looked forward to engaging in a pleasurable sensation.
After the wedding and the brief reception she and the boy, whom we will call Jack, drove to a motel in a neighboring city, showed their marriage license, since Lydia still looked younger than her age, and checked in.
It was apparent that he had little idea just how to approach their first intimate moment together, for he did not say anything about going to bed, and his kisses were even more awkward and hesitating than they had been prior to the ceremony.
Lydia finally decided to initiate matters.
"Well, Jack, we're married now." She smiled at him. "Do you want to undress me-or shall I do it myself?"
Jack blushed. "Gee, can I? Is it all right-"
"We're married, aren't we? Why wouldn't it be all right?"
She turned her back to him. "Here-unzip my dress."
His fingers fumbled at first then swiftly slid the zipper tab down her back. Then he hesitated again. She looked around at him. "What are you waiting for? Unsnap my brassiere."
So he unsnapped it too. Lydia wiggled out of the dress and tossed it on a chair. Then she came toward him with her arms outstretched. "Okay, now you can take off my brassiere."
His face turned beet red, but he wanted to see her breasts, she could tell. His fingers fumbled again, then drew the little harness off. She watched his face as his eyes fastened on her naked breasts, and her ego fed on the flattery in his eyes. His hands lifted toward them in an unconscious gesture, then he restrained himself.
"Do you want to touch them?" she asked.
He nodded.
"Well, why don't you?" she felt herself getting half angry. Was she going to have to lead him all the way? "We're married. I'm all yours. You can touch anything you want to and look at anything you want to. Just help yourself."
He touched her breasts then and the soft caress of his fingers thrilled her. She pulled him along with her and went to the bed and flung herself down on it. He followed her, and his hands went to her breasts again, and his mouth came down on hers.
Lydia enjoyed the kiss, and the hands on her breasts stirred her desire, but Jack didn't move fast enough to please her.
"Jack," she whispered. "Kiss my breasts, please. Make love to me."
Blushing furiously he kissed her breasts, pecking at them and wanting to bury his face against them, but hardly daring to, until she grabbed his head with her hands and pulled his face furiously against them. Then she felt his mouth open and taste her, and his tongue touch the erect little nipples. Fire coursed through her.
"Do you want me, Jack?" she whispered.
He nodded.
"Then I guess you'll have to take my panties off."
He lifted up from her, and if it was possible for him to blush any more furiously, he was doing so. But this time his curiosity was very strong and his own passion was running hotly. He plunged his fingers under the hem and stripped the garment from her. Lydia pulled her legs up and spread them apart so that he had a completely unhindered view of her vagina. He stared at it, and she knew that he had never seen one before. It gave her a sort of smug feeling.
"You can touch it, too," she reminded him.
He wanted to, but he was embarrassed.
"Don't you think we should turn off the lights?" he asked.
Lydia shook her head.
"That's not fair, Jack," she chided him, smilingly. "You've seen everything I've got. You can't turn off the lights until I see you naked."
He hesitated, and to cover his reluctance to undress he began to touch her vagina, running his fingers through the growth of luxuriant hair which surrounded it, pressing the soft moist little lips apart and peeking into the interior.
Finally his need for her overcame his bashfulness. He stood up and jerked his clothing off as if in a panic to get rid of it. In seconds he stood before her nude, and Lydia stared in fascination at his erect penis. It was larger than that of any of the boys she had experimented with in the past, and she was surprised at the fierce redness of it, and at the bulging glans penis at the end.
"Ooh, wow, Jack!" she remembered whispering to him. "Do you think that great big thing will go into my little old dingus?"
"Let's turn out the lights and find out!" he said gruffly.
Without waiting for her assent, he went to the switch and turned the lights off and came back to her.
Lydia expected to be kissed some more and fondled, but Jack was over-stimulated now and he chose not to wait any longer. He simply pushed her over on her back, settled himself between her legs, searched for the opening with the end of his penis, and when he found it, pushed abruptly into her. Lydia was roused, but not fully so. The lubricating fluids had not come down with sufficient volume and his entry into her was roughly accomplished and it hurt a little.
Nor was his sexual technique of much greater satisfaction. He simply began to plunge in and out of her with great vigor, puffing his breath into her ear, and in a matter of seconds she heard his gasp, felt the spasmodic jerking of his penis, and sensed the sudden flood of semen loosed into her. She had not come even close to experiencing an orgasm, and suddenly she found herself thinking of the soft feminine tongues which had tantalized her clitoris until she had almost exploded with passion at the juvenile hall.
Jack lay on her and panted for a time. Finally he whispered to her:
"I'm sorry it was so fast, Lydia. It will be better this time-I promise you."
Lydia didn't say anything, but now she had a premonition that it was not going to be so. That something was missing from the familiar sexual pattern, and that the simple presence of his penis inside her was not going to be enough, no matter how long he might be able to prolong the coital thrusting.
In a few moments his passion stirred again, and she felt his penis swell up to its former size and stiffness inside her and felt it begin to slide back and forth again.
Jack did not bother with any variation in his movements. He simply pulled it away until it was about to leave her body, then plunged it into her as far as it would go, and did this alternately as fast as he could, with great vigor so that the bed springs squeaked until Lydia was sure they could be heard all over town.
Once she whispered to him: "Slow up a little, Jack. It will last longer if you do."
"I can't, darling!" he whispered back. "It feels so good I'm about to go out of my mind!"
Lydia could not deny that she enjoyed the sensation, but there was still something lacking, and she was still nowhere near her orgasm when his second convulsive shudder began and once more she felt the warm torrent of semen released.
After he got his breath he lifted up on his elbows and tried to see her face in the darkness. She recognized the anxiety in his voice:
"What's the matter, Lydia? We went a long time that time, but you didn't seem to get anything out of it. Don't you like sex?"
She sought for an excuse.
"Maybe I'm just too tired tonight. It's been a long day."
He was still puzzled.
"You didn't seem tired a little while ago. You seemed in a hurry to get our clothes off and do it. I thought you'd be a real ball of fire, Sweetheart. Did I do something wrong?"
The comment about thinking she would be a real ball of fire rubbed Lydia wrongly. It was as if he had expressed disappointment in her, and a feeling that sex with her was always going to be just a one way street. She felt her anger flare up.
"Well, you didn't waste much time trying to get me in the mood. Just took a look at my pussy and climbed on like a bull!"
She knew it was like a slap in the face to him. He almost winced, but she knew how deeply she had hurt his ego from the reaction of that part of him which was still inside her. Until that moment it was still distended and stirring spasmodically, though it was flexible and useless for the moment, but after her sharp remark she could feel it suddenly shrink until she was hardly conscious of its presence inside her.
"I'm sorry," Jack whispered finally. "I guess I did get too eager, and I really did think you were ready."
She felt a little ashamed of herself then.
"I acted like a bitch. It was fun anyway-I just didn't get the big kick. Do you want to do it again?"
"Not right now," he said, then quickly added: "It's not that I don't want to-I just can't right now."
"I'll bet you could get another hard on if you'd turn on the lights and mess around with me. Don't you like to look at all my little goodies?"
She was teasing but he was embarrassed, and it annoyed her.
"Yes, I like to look at them, but it embarrasses me, Lydia. I'm sorry. I guess I'll get used to it quick enough. I wish you wouldn't call it a hard on, though. It sounds dirty. Erection sounds better."
It was a very mild chastisement but it irritated her.
"People erect houses," she said shortly. "Men get hard ons-or is it hards on? What difference does it make what you call it as long as it's stiff enough to do the job?"
He put his fingers on her lips and she shook her head.
"If you don't want to screw any more right now, get off me, Jack. You weigh a ton. I can hardly breathe."
He lifted up, scrambled away to a prone position beside her and took her hand. She knew that he wanted to tell her that she should not call it screwing, that sexual intercourse, or coitus, or something like that was the proper term. Well, the hell with it, she thought rebelliously, when they stuck that big dong in without making an effort to get you in the right mood it might as well be a big screw. It felt as rough anyway.
She sat up and answered the question before it came.
"I want a cigarette, Jack."
He hurried out of bed, got them for her and lit it, and in the light of the match she saw his eyes rove to her breasts. By the time she finished the cigarette he would be ready again, she told herself. Maybe this time she could get to the big action, even without his touching her clitoris with his tongue first.
The thought startled her and she almost dropped the cigarette. She had thought her days of being gay were gone the day she walked out of the hall and went back to high school. Now the sudden realization hit her. The main event would be all she could desire for if Jack was willing to kiss her vagina, and stimulate it with his tongue first for awhile.
She put the cigarette out, lay down and snuggled up to him, and made a discovery. Jack was sound asleep.
She pushed at him, but he only grunted, stirred a little and the deep breathing Went on.
She reached down and took hold of his penis. It was perfectly flexible and flaccid, and only a fraction of the size it had been when she first saw it. She moved the skin on it back and forth, but Jack was exhausted. Nothing happened. She said a profane word and settled down to sleep herself.
The interview with her recounts that the next morning she awakened before he did, and that she went into the bathroom, took care of her toilet, douched herself thoroughly and took a shower. When she came out he was awake. She smiled impudently at him.
"Good morning, sleepy-head. Ready to play this morning?"
He grinned back at her and flipped the cover away from himself. She had her answer. His penis was as erect and fierce looking as it had been the night before. He reached for her and she climbed ino his arms.
He kissed her until she cooed, and his handa were less bashful than they had been last night; they touched her breasts, her rump and her vagina, and he even went so far as to push a finger clear inside her and wiggle it suggestively.
"Do you want to know what it takes to really turn me on, Jack?" she whispered.
"Yes, Lydia-yes I would. What does it take?"
His expression was very serious.
"Eat me, Jack."
He looked shocked. "Eat you! What an expression!" He sat up and looked at her exposed crotch. "Do you mean kiss you-down there?"
She nodded eagerly. "Kiss it, and tickle it with your tongue. It really turns me on, Jack."
He looked very hesitant.
"Why not?" she pouted. "It's all clean, Jack. I've had a shower and took a douche. It won't hurt you."
"No, I guess not." He was still hesitant. "I just never really thought about doing that."
"Do you love me?" she asked him. "Of course I love you."
"Then you ought to be willing to do what I want you to do-especially if it makes me really want to do what you want to do."
"I guess so."
She could see that he was forcing himself, and that the idea was repugnant to him, but perversely, she was going to insist on it. She really thought he would enjoy it once he got used to it.
And it was true that the touch of his tongue on her clitoris nearly set her on fire. She gasped at the delicious sensation, and her hands unconsciously went down to his head and held his face against her.
He kept it up for as long as he could stand it, his tongue pushing into her open crevice, licking along the little channel between her inner lips and tantalizing the erect little clitoris, and then just when another second or two would have brought on her orgasm, he lifted his head, threw himself upon her and his penis stabbed into her, roughly and insistently.
The oral contact had been sufficient, however. She speedily reached her climax, and then several more before the morning was over, for he gave her passion no time to cool off. The novelty of her soft white body and swaying pink breasts under him was enough to fuel his passion so that he did not lose his erection after each spurt of semen, and it was not until after the third ejaculation that he found himself sated for the moment.
It is not necessary to dwell longer on the honeymoon experiences of Jack and Lydia. The point is apparent already. Lydia had been firmly rooted into homosexual instincts while at the school, and even though she was capable of enjoying the sex act with a male, she was not capable of entering into it until she had been stimulated by oral contact first. Had Jack been of a different disposition this would have been no problem. Oral-genital contact is not an unusual situation between males and females, in or out of the marriage bed, and many prior studies such as the famous Kinsey report have borne this out conclusively.
However Jack had been trained to regard this as dirty, loathsome, and abnormal. While he did it, unwillingly, for some time in order to please Lydia, it turned his love for her into a quiet distaste. He was completely shocked one night when Lydia asked him if he would like to have her stimulate him orally-in fact she remembers this as the point at which their eventual separation became certain.
It took a little over a year for their relationship to deteriorate to the point of separation, and the sexual incompatability fed on discussion. Inevitably Jack wanted to know what had given her the idea that she wished to have oral-genital contact. She had not been particularly reluctant to tell him, for she did not expect him to be jealous of her experience with other girls, and she was careful never to admit to him that she had had sexual intercourse with boys earlier.
Unfortunately the idea of a homosexual arrangement was even more horrifying to him than it would have been if she had simply been promiscuous during her problem years. Finally the emotional gap between them became too wide to bridge and they separated.
Here it would seem reasonable to point out, that while the recommendations of this survey team are aimed particularly at the peculiar sexual problems, and social problems of people who are extremely unattractive, the education programs indicated might have been of immense value to Jack as well. The sexual appetite of the human being has its variety, and as long as that variety is not handled in a manner calculated to be harmful to another individual, it is not, in fact, harmful to any individual. Under these circumstances, it is obvious that sexual education to be worthwhile would need to go much farther than the basic physiological facts of reproduction, and devote itself to some degree to sexual technique.
Had Jack grown up with the attitude that oral genital contact is not, per se, dirty, their marriage might have endured, even with Lydia's rather unusual pre-marital training. On the other hand, had Lydia been properly educated and trained, it might have been possible for her to have come through the early teen stage of rebellion and testing, without the tremendous travail, and without the juvenile hall experience, and she and Jack could have arrived in a mature fashion at their own personal sexual adjustments.
Lydia gravitated back into homosexual climate, eventually picked up with another homosexual who had the dope habit, acquired it as well, engaged in prostitution and thievery to feed the habit, and at the time the survey was made, was an inmate in a western prison, where she was receiving state help to cure the dope habit. She admitted to the interviewer that even if she were successful in this, that her confirmed homosexual outlook would probably eventually lead her back into more trouble with the law. She had little relish for what the future seemed to hold for her.
CHAPTER FOUR
One of the most common of the anti-social sexual habits to which the physically unattractive are drawn is the habit of masturbation. Much has been written on this subject, and most medical authorities are agreed that masturbation is not harmful when practiced with some degree of moderation, and when guilt feelings are not present.
This is the problem. Most human beings at one time or another in the life cycle have engaged in masturbation, either knowingly or unconsciously. In most cases there has probably been some feeling of guilt. Few children observed at any form of sex play fail to receive some form of punishment for it, and this alone is sufficient to develop some degree of guilt.
It is not the purpose of this volume to suggest that masturbation is the exclusive province of the unattractive. It is however a frequent outlet for sexual drives which are denied normal fruition because of the physical appearance problem. There seems to be much evidence that it is a manifestation of a tendency to turn within oneself for comfort and affection when it is denied from without. Perversely, when guilt feelings are a part of the picture, the comfort which is sought is denied, and the habit is solidified through intensification of the effort to find comfort, without the realization that the means is not leading to that end.
While the majority of persons, attractive or unattractive, have probably practiced masturbation, and have been able to shift from it to a normal sexual relationship with the opposite sex, many have not been able to make this shift, and many who have not been able to do so, have failed because of the pressures of ugliness.
Let's consider for a moment the case of Donna L. Donna was a very homely child, with an early tendency to chubbiness, and a face which combined its various features in a manner least calculated to please. Her eyes were of a vacuous blue, large with much white showing and somewhat protuberant. Her nose had a pronounced hook, her lips very, very thin, her teeth crooked and her chin weak.
No amount of treatment could have made her into a raving beauty, but the teeth could have been straightened, proper exercise could have strengthened the chin, the effect of the eyes could have been changed by glasses, and a more attractive manner of arranging the hair could have erased much of the unpleasant aspect of her face. Diet could have controlled the weight, and some education in ordinary social grace could have made her much more acceptable to her peers.
As it was, she had very few friends, never attended parties, and was never asked on dates.
She found at an early age that her vagina was a source of very pleasant sensations if it were handled or rubbed in just the right manner, and she speedily developed the habit of surreptitiously massaging it whenever she could do so without being conspicuous. Inevitably her mother noticed her doing it and gave her the standard lecture on the "dirtyness' of such practice. But she did not suggest any substitute, nor did she spend any appreciable time giving the little girl the affection she needed.
A sympathetic aunt did recognize this need, and when Donna was thirteen, gave her a puppy upon which Donna lavished much affection, and from whom she in turn received much affection.
The puppy grew quickly and during the next year quite by accident taught Donna a new way to masturbate, but unfortunately one which she quite by instinct realized would be abhorrent to society generally, and one which would make her a laughing stock if she were ever discovered. She always took steps to insure that she would not be discovered, but she could not hide her mind from what was going on, and the guilt complex grew until it was the central obstacle to her entry into society on anything like an equal basis.
Donna's mother always kept hamburger in the refrigerator to feed the dog, and it had become Donna's habit at time to retire each night to take a small handful of it to her room with her so that the dog could have a treat just before settling down at night. No one ever thought to question the practice, and it certainly seemed innocuous enough.
On this particular evening, Donna put the little handful of hamburger on her dressing table, made sure all the blinds were pulled so she could undress. She was in the habit of locking her door because prowlers had been reported in the neighborhood the year before and her parents were very cautious.
She undressed slowly, enjoying the feel of the warm night air on her naked body. She rarely wore night-dress, particularly in the summer when it was warm, preferring the freedom of nakedness, and also because it made it more convenient to masturbate, and did not leave the telltale stains on her clothing.
Finishing her undressing, she picked up the hamburger and got on the bed. She propped a pillow on the headboard and leaned back on it in sitting position, spread her legs so she could masturbate in comfort while feeding the dog his treat with her free hand. The dog sat patiently between her outstretched legs, facing her and waiting patiently for his handout.
Donna fed him a small portion of the meat, then began to rub her vagina, quickly so as to bring the intense pleasurable feeling on quickly.
Her fingers raced around on the soft inner lips of her organ, getting them moist and sticky, and she worked her thumb in and out like a miniature penis, until the soft little lips had a tendency to stay spread apart when she stopped doing that to massage her clitoris for awhile.
She quickly brought herself to an orgasm, then paused to feed the dog another morsel while the pleasant throbbing glow of feeling died slowly away.
As she pinched off a bit of the hamburger a small piece fell away from her hand, tumbled down her stomach and lodged in the hair just above her clitoris. The dog, watching eagerly, leaned forward and grasped at it with his tongue.
He got it in an instant, but before he did his wet warm tongue slid upwards across her open labia, and tickled the clitoris so that she almost cried out with the thrill of the feeling it sent through her.
She did not give the dog the morsel she had prepared for him, but instead, picked it into small pieces, rolled them into small balls, and placed them one at a time between the small inner lips of her vagina.
The dog needed no encouragement to seek after his treat, and when she pressed them firmly in between the soft little lips he had to lick energetically to work them loose and get them into his mouth. And while he worked, Donna shivered with ecstasy at the thrilling feeling which coursed through her at the warm wet touch.
She had enough of the hamburger to make thirty or more of the little balls of meat, and as her supply diminished she pressed them deeper and deeper between the lips of her vagina, so that the dog had to lick energetically to work them loose and get them away from her. Between each plant Donna leaned back and trembled with pleasure as his pink tongue engaged the sensitive parts of her organ, and stroked repeatedly across her clitoris. She lost track of the number of times she reached an orgasm before the hamburger was all gone. She was exhausted by the time it was gone, and when the dog finally lost interest and would no longer lick at her, she turned out the light, slipped under the covers and went quickly to sleep.
Frequently when she woke up in the morning after having masturbated for some time she experienced a sore, uncomfortable feeling in her vagina, and upon examination she would frequently find the soft little inner lips swollen and inflamed looking. The morning after the experiment with the dog she had no such unpleasant feeling, and she found herself looking forward to the coming night with anticipation.
She kept up this strange sort of masturbation every night except for the few days each month when she was having her menstrual flow, and found that she could fool the dog into searching carefully for a few thrilling minutes each night before she actually placed the bait.
The experience was so gratifying to her that she lost any interest she had ever had in trying to establish any kind of a social relationship with other people of her age, and was completely content to retire to her room early each night, strip herself and entice the dog to apply his tongue to her private parts.
Her parents never had any suspicion that her relationship with the dog was other than the normal one of a lonely little girl who needed the affectionate companionship of an animal. Even though knowing she was deceiving them she did not have a particularly guilty feeling about her habit until one day at school a particularly obnoxious young boy nearly guessed her secret.
There was more than a trace of cruelty in his nature, and he made a particular point of teasing Donna precisely because of her ungainliness and her obviously uncomfortable feeling when with groups of children. He lived on the next block to the one where her home stood, and he was aware that she had a dog of whom she seemed very fond.
This particular day in school she was talking with a small group of both boys and girls, or most likely it would be more accurate to report that they were talking and she was lingering with the group and listening. The conversation turned to pets, and the boy after some other attempted witticisms made the comment which began Donna's guilt neurosis:
"Donna is in love with her dog you know. Takes him to bed with her every night I hear. How about it? Donna-do you let the dog hump you? How does it feel to get banged by a dog?"
Donna flushed, turned her back, and hurried away. As she ran she was sure that her retreat was only verifying any suspicion which might have been roused by the remark. No one ever gave her any reason to believe that any of that group of young people had seen anything in her retreat but embarrassment at his crude remark, but the seed was planted, and as the years passed, Donna began to be convinced that everyone knew her secret. Even though she could not resist the nightly delight of the dog's questing tongue on her clitoris and her labia.
When she finished school Donna got a job as a librarian, eventually moved to her own apartment, lived a very quiet life with practically no close friends or associates. When her first dog finally died, she got another, and then another, and as the years passed she became more and more of a recluse. As her guilt feeling deepened through the years her behavior became almost conspiratorial when she was around people so that her neighbors feared that she was having a serious mental problem.
Someone reported it to a close cousin of hers, and the cousin managed after a long and persuasive campaign to get her to go to a hospital for a check-up. From this point it was a little less difficult to get her to accept some psychiatric care. The details of this case history were taken from the notes of her psychiatrist. Donna has been dead for some time now, but some checking back into her school records indicates that she had an exceptionally high degree of intelligence. Had her life and her social adjustment been properly channelled at the crucial time in her youth, her talents might have been of great use to the human society. Instead they were wasted, and the only satisfaction Donna received from her life seems to have been centered around her strange relationship with her dog.
Lillian D. is an interesting case where the early facets were extremely similar to those of Donna. Like Donna she was a little too plump, and her face was one which was not easily forgotten though not because of its beauty. Lillian was practically all nose, and every other feature of her face was subordinate to it. Children, characteristically cruel at early ages, made fun of it whenever she attempted to form normal associations, and she too began to shun people and spend much of her time by herself. Like so many others interviewed during the study, she sought the affection and satisfaction she failed to get from others from her own body, and as with the others, her vagina became the source of this sought after satisfaction.
In Lillian's case she developed an obsession with phallic symbols, and her habits of masturbation were geared to this bent.
She became really aware of sex at a relatively late age, for her menses had already begun and she was fully developed before she took any exceptional interest in the sexual side of her nature. There was a zoo in the city where she lived and she liked to go there. She particularly enjoyed watching the monkeys. One day as she approached the cage she noticed that a larger crowd of young people were there than usual and that they seemed to be getting a great deal of amusement out of the antics of the monkeys, for there was much laughter.
As she came closer to the cage she realized that it was not the usual antics of the monkeys which was amusing the group, but the performance of one pair of monkeys-a male and a female. Her face reddened when she realized that they were having sexual intercourse. She wanted to walk away, but the motion of the male monkey's penis to and fro in the female's vagina, and his evident enjoyment when he ejaculated fascinated her, and she stood and watched as long as they kept doing it.
It gave her a strange feeling in her own loins, and her legs felt weak.
She did not stay long at the zoo, but went on home, and went into the bathroom. She took her panties down and sat on the stool, but instead of using it as she usually did, she began to touch her vagina with her fingers and she found that the touch thrilled her. She was surprised to find it somewhat moist and sticky, and it amazed her that she could make herself tremble violently simply by rubbing the inner lips of her vagina vigorously. She kept thinking of the two monkeys at the zoo and presently she tried slipping her finger inside her vagina, and found that it was a pleasant sensation, too. She moved it back and forth in a coital movement as the male monkey had moved his penis, and this pleased her, too.
She reasoned that if the short travel of her finger inside her was pleasing something longer would be even more pleasant. She looked around for something which might work in a more satisfactory manner, but the only thing she could see was her own toothbrush. She took it from the rack and pressed the handle into herself until the bristles almost touched her labia, then moved it back and forth as rapidly as she could until a suddenly overwhelmingly delightful feeling overtook her and she gasped aloud.
She could not stay in the bathroom for too long without exciting the suspicion of her mother, so she finally stopped masturbating and waited for night and bedtime.
In the dark, under the covers, she parted her legs and inserted her finger and masturbated herself to sleep, and became a firm convert to the activity on the first day she experienced it.
Like Donna she was never content with just the use of her own fingers. Watching the monkeys had interested her in the male penis, or some reasonable facsimile of it other than any part of her own person, but her lack of beauty kept the boys at a distance. It was simply a fact that none of them were interested in her, and none of them had ever even considered her as a sexual playmate.
The next day her mother went into the city to do some shopping and Lillian was left to do the housework. It was while she was sweeping that she suddenly noticed with interest the slender round smoothness of the broom handle, and the nicely curved end of it. She quickly finished sweeping the kitchen and took the broom with her to her bedroom.
She closed the door and propped a chair against it in case anyone should come into the house and try to enter her room without her knowledge.
Then she slipped out of her panties and climbed on the bed, taking the broom with her. She propped the bristle end of the broom on the footboard of her bed, which elevated that end of it to just about the right angle, then she spread her legs and introduced the end of it into her waiting vagina.
The initial touch of the hard surface against the tiny cove her labia made thrilled her, and she kept pushing, trembling with excitement, until the end of the handle began to enter her. It was much thicker than her finger, and under normal circumstances might have been painful and would probably have caused her to bleed, but Lillian had ridden bicycles and horses a lot when she was younger and her hymen had apparently already ruptured. Her excitement caused a spurt of lubrication and the broom handle began to slide rather easily.
Its hard feeling inside her caused shivers of delight to go through her, and she tugged it into her vagina until it would go no further. She let it be still for a moment or two, relishing the strange feel of the foreign object inside her, then she began to work it back and forth, in and out, feverishly, faster and faster until it seemed she could hardly control herself and the delightful feeling was such that she expected to explode at any second. The explosion was delicious when it came and she trembled and moaned with the plea sure of it, but her body was not torn asunder, and after a few moments she could move the broom handle anew and bring on another orgasm.
She kept it up until she heard someone enter the house and realized that her father had come home. She had to hurry and get off the bed, get her panties on and remove the obstruction from her door, and busy herself sweeping her own room before he came up the stairs.
On another day she had occasion to look for something in an old suitcase in the attic for her mother, and it was necessary to take a flashlight to get it. As she came back down the stairs from the attic with the located object in one hand and the flashlight in the other she began to be fascinated by the shape of the flashlight. It was a three cell type with a curved end and the switch well up on the handle near the lens. Looking at it she realized that there was at least seven inches of smooth round shaft without an obstruction of any kind. She began to feel the strange pleasant ache in her mid parts, but it was only mid-afternoon.
She secreted the flashlight in her bedroom, and waited the rest of the day out impatiently. As soon as she could after dinner she indicated a desire to go to bed and was excused to do so. In her room she closed the door, undressed quickly, stripping completely, and glanced at herself in the mirror. Her face was flushed and she was surprised to find that her nipples were much more noticeable than usual, and she was surprised upon touching them to find them distended and almost hard.
She turned out the light, climbed quickly into bed, and got the flashlight from under her pillow. She spread her legs wide and placed the curved end of the flashlight against the soft inner lips of her vagina. The cool touch of it gave her a thrill and she rubbed it gently up and down against her labia for a few moments until the desire to feel its length up inside her became too strong to resist any longer.
She pressed it toward herself until she could feel her labia part and permit the shaft of the flashlight to begin its entrance. Soon she had two inches or so of it past the portal and the labia were stretched as far as it would be necessary for them to extend. She kept on pushing, delighting in the cool sensation as the metal shaft invaded her body, and did not stop until she could not push any further without feeling pain. Then she lay still without moving the flashlight and reveled in the sensation it gave her.
After a time, and still without moving the flashlight, she began to rub her clitoris gently with her finger, panting and trembling at the voluptuous feeling it imparted to her. As she began to approach her orgasm, she grasped the flashlight with her other hand, and as the orgasm came upon her she moved the metal shaft vigorously in and out until the thrilling moment passed and she felt the need to rest. Then she pushed it as far in as she could and lay still until the desire to bring on another orgasm came to her.
She kept this up for an hour or more, and finally went to sleep while she was resting between orgasms, and with the flashlight still thrust as far into her vagina as it would go. She woke during the night and was uncomfortable, so she took the flashlight out without masturbating any more that night.
For several nights she used the flashlight, then she began to wonder what other objects around the house might be interesting to use. The first one she tried was a clothes brush which had quite a long handle, although it was rather flat and quite wide. It was shaped in such a manner, in fact, that she thought at first she would have to abandon the thought of using it. She tried at first to turn it so that the wide part would coincide with the natural slit-like contour of her vagina, but it did not feel good that way, so she turned it and tried to insert it so that it would stretch her labia to each side in order to achieve entrance.
It seemed impossible, but the more she tried, the more her excitement and determination grew, and the greater was the flow of lubricating fluid around the labia. Suddenly the handle slipped inside her so quickly it was most unexpected, and she found the wide part of the handle completely immersed in her. Again she followed the pattern which seemed most pleasing to her-letting the phallic object simply stay motionless while she brought on her orgasm by teasing her clitoris with her finger, and only making the coital movements with the brush handle when she was actually beginning the orgasm.
She stated during the interview that as she began to grow sated with the exercise she wondered if she would have any trouble getting it out when she wanted to. When she tried it slipped out readily enough. This, too, made her curious. She got up, turned on the light, got a hand mirror and watched as she inserted the brush handle again. She was amazed at the distance her labia would stretch without causing pain.
She continued her experiments with different objects for as long as she lived at home, but had to confine it to her bedroom at night and be very secretive about it. She used candles, perfume bottles, pot handles, everything she could get into her room without exciting suspicion. The pot was a challenge, but she solved that by taking popcorn in it.
After she graduated from high school she got a job, and after a time indicated to her parents that she thought she might like to have an apartment to herself for a change. They saw nothing unusual about the desire and attributed it to the normal growing up process and a natural desire to try life on her own.
From the time she moved into the apartment Lillian spent the evenings as soon as she got home naked. She cooked her meals in the nude, and found a new variety of objects which she could insert in her vagina even while moving around in the apartment. She usually used one hand to eat with and teased her clitoris with the other, so that as soon as she finished her meal she was so aroused she had to find a phallic substitute immediately.
One night she noticed that the legs of her kitchen chairs looked most interesting. They were round steel of sturdy dimensions, and were chrome plated and polished to a shiny smoothness. She began wondering how she could manage to get one inside her.
As soon as she finished eating, she picked one up and went to the living room sofa. Sitting down she turned the chair up side side, with the back of it on the floor away from the sofa so that the legs extended toward her at an angle.
Then she slid forward until she was barely sitting on the edge of the sofa, and her outstretched legs exposed her waiting vagina to the upward extended leg of the chair. Then she simply grasped the two diagonally positioned legs of the chair and pulled the lowest leg up so that it touched her labia. Shifting slightly to get the angle just right, she exerted a little force and the cold steel leg slid inside her.
She held the chair with one hand, massaged her clitoris with the other until her orgasm was at hand, then worked the chair leg back and forth until the rush of her orgasm made her tremble with excitement. It was such an awkward, troublesome method of masturbating that it delighted her. For the next several nights she practiced it, and even moved her television set so that she could watch her favorite programs with the leg of her kitchen chair tucked as far inside her vaginal cavity as she could manage to get it.
Like Donna, Lillian finally wound up on a psychiatrist's couch, but unlike Donna, she went there of her own volition. The fact that she did is a tribute to a great deal of self improvement which she undertook on her own, even though she did not give up her odd habits of masturbating.
She read a great deal, and subscribed to a magazine which gave her many hints on personal grooming. The result was that she managed to dress and arrange her hair in such a way as to detract considerably from the shock of her ugliness. As she improved her looks, her personality began to emerge from its cocoon of exile, and she began to chat more freely with her fellow workers at her job.
Among them was a young man-a not particularly attractive one, though pleasant enough. His own lack of attractiveness made it difficult for him to get dates, and he had been embarrassed a number of times by girls who had summarily turned him down when he had sought their company. Sensing a companion spirit in Lillian it was not too long until he developed enough courage to ask her for a date. With some trepidation, Lillian accepted.
He dined her and wined her and took her to a movie, and then a few evenings later to a play, coffee before going home. Beyond kissing her goodnight, he made no effort to seduce her until the night of their fifth date.
While she made coffee he put some records on her phonograph and after the coffee they began to dance. While the light was on in the kitchen the living room was in semi-darkness, and it appealed to them both as being very romantic.
He kissed her, then again, and again, and finally stopped dancing to kiss her very thoroughly. Lillian had hardly been kissed at all before she met him, and his passion easily communicated itself to her. Actually she had been thinking about what she might use to masturbate with when he left and her own sexual instincts were at a high pitch. When he began to undress her she resisted for a moment, then decided suddenly that it might be interesting to actually have a human penis inside her rather than a substitute.
So she let Nick remove her clothing until she was quite nude, then she waited patiently while he stripped. She wished for more light for she was curious to look at his penis. In the dim light it looked bigger than anything she had used to masturbate with, but it was oddly shaped, she thought, with a funny sort of a knob on the end, and it was slightly curved. All of the objects she had inserted into herself over the years were rigidly straight and with few exceptions had not varied much in diameter from one end to the other.
When he drew her down to the couch she came willingly, breathing a little rapidly, and she let him stretch her out and part her legs, and then she waited, hardly daring to breathe while he introduced his erect penis into her vagina. If he was surprised at the ease with which it entered to its full length he did not express it.
The sensation was quite satisfactory for Lillian during the first moment or so. The warmth of it was a new experience and it fitted the natural curve of her own vaginal cavity so perfectly that she was startled. And when he paused for a moment with the full length of it inside her it was what she was used to. Automatically her hand moved toward her clitoris only to encounter his body.
Then he began to move, violently and excitedly, and his penis slid back and forth in her rapidly. It was a pleasant sensation, but it did not excite her as it would have if he had simply remained still while she massaged her clitoris. Even though neither his vigor nor his ardor left anything to be desired, and his staying power was remarkable, he reached his orgasm before she even approached one. In fact, he continued his coital thrusting as if nothing had happened and continued to make passionate love with her until he ejaculated again, and still Lillian had not approached a climax.
It was not until after he had left and she had brought on her own orgasm by masturbating that she realized that something was not entirely as it should be. Tony was a masterful lover, and yet he had given her no real sexual satisfaction, only a lift to her ego to know that a man desired her as a woman.
Having broken the ice, so to speak, and having enjoyed her body, Tony was eager for dates as often as she would grant them, and all of them ended up at her apartment with the two of them nude and clasped together in sexual embrace. And like the first time, none of them resulted in an orgasm for Lillian except on one occasion.
That time she prepared for his arrival at her apartment by stripping nude, inserting a plastic bath oil bottle into her vagina and massaging her clitoris until she was dizzy with passion. When Tony arrived she simply stated that she wanted to make love before they went out to dinner. This time the introduction of his penis into her own organ was all she needed to climax violently.
Tony was very pleased, and during the evening began talking hesitantly about marriage. But when they returned to the apartment after a leisurely dinner and had sexual intercourse again it was the same as it had always been. Lillian simply lay there wishing he would hold still with his penis inserted to its full length while she fondled her clitoris. She did pretend enough passion to please him, however.
After about six months Tony began to press the issue of marriage with some determination. Lillian was reluctant to agree because she was still in the position of needing masturbation after he left each night in order to satisfy herself and relax well enough to sleep. But she did have a genuine affection for Tony and recognized from a practical point of view that he might be her only prospect for matrimony.
This was when she decided to see a psychiatrist. Inasmuch as the doctor she chose had been asked to participate in the survey, it was not difficult to arrange an interview with her, and she discussed her problem quite freely. Her doctor is certain that her fixation on substitute phallic objects can be rather quickly cured, and that there is no reason to believe that Lillian will not soon be able to enter into marriage with full prospect of enjoying the sexual side of such union completely.
Lillian is, probably, one of a small minority of homely girls afflicted with a peculiar sexual problem who has had the initiative to educate herself more than usual, attempt to improve upon her social lot, and with the wisdom to see professional help in ridding herself of an unwelcome psychosis. For every Lillian there are undoubtedly hundreds of girls still relying upon some artificial means of stimulating and satisfying themselves instead of seeking for a normal male-female relationship. How much better for them, and for society if the climate in which the psychosis develops could have been eliminated through proper education and physiological care.
Before examining some of the anti-social manifestations of masturbation from the male point of view it seems desirable to touch briefly on the case history of Lola D. Suffice it to say that Lola's background was quite similar to that of both Donna and Lillian. Homely, not particularly welcome, and much neglected by her parents, she grew up in a small town in the west. The information concerning her was taken from a psychiatrist's file several years after the particular incident, and after she had moved away from the small town to a city on the Pacific Coast where more sophisticated mental and physical treatment was available.
Like Lillian, Lola became interested in sex after having watched animals engaged in it. Lola had witnessed a pair of dogs breeding in the vacant lot across the street from her home. She was about fourteen at the time, and the sight filled her with curiosity about her own body.
Again, much as Lillian had done, she experimented first in the bathroom by poking her finger into her vagina and stroking her clitoris, and then graduating to a regular nightly ritual of masturbation preceding sleep.
As Lillian had done, she experimented with a variety of phallic substitutes, though she did not develop any particular obsessions concerning them. But she was of an ardent disposition and once used to enjoying sexual stimulation she required it often, and usually indulged in it several times a day-invariably when she visited the bathroom, and at any other time which she could slip her hand into her underclothing without being seen to fondle her clitoris for a few minutes.
After graduating from high school Lola got a job as a waitress in a small cafe in her home town. They were usually quite busy around the lunch hour, but in the afternoon it was not unusual for two or three hours to go by without any customers entering.
Lola made frequent trips to the bathroom-so frequent in fact that the owner, who was also the chef, joshed her about having a weak bladder. In actuality she was simply going in to masturbate for a few minutes.
On the day her great embarrassment occurred, she had been drinking beer directly from the bottle, and since it was not yet empty she took the bottle to the bathroom with her, and finished it while she sat on the stool busily rubbing her clitoris.
When she finished the beer and was about to put the bottle down she noticed that it had a fine long neck, and she wondered how it would feel if she inserted the neck into her vagina and masturbated herself with it.
She changed her position and got up from the stool. Bending slightly and spreading her legs she introduced the bottle neck between her labia and pressed it up into her vagina as far as it would go. When she began the coital movements, however, she quickly discovered that it was difficult, even painful, to pull it out. In a few moments she was really frightened when she realized that some form of suction had developed and that it was not possible to pull the bottle neck out.
She tried to insert her finger along with the bottle neck to see if she could release the pressure, but her finger was not as long as the bottle neck and she could not manage that. And it hurt, trying to stretch her vaginal opening enough to permit the entry of both objects.
She hesitated for a long time, trying to decide what she could do to extricate herself from her predicament, and finally decided that as embarrassing as it would be, she had to get help. She opened the bathroom door a crack and called for the chef.
He was embarrassed when she insisted on having him come into the bathroom with her, and she knew he thought she was going to try to seduce him. She had let her skirt drop down so that he could not see her vaginal area, but he did not believe her at first when she told him what had happened and she had to pull her skirt up and stand there blushing furiously while he looked at the brown beer bottle lodged tightly in her.
Her embarrassment was acute when he began to laugh, and she quickly began to tug at the bottle with her hands again.
"Don't do that, Lola!" His laugh broke off quickly.
She really began to feel fear when he continued :
"I read about a case down in Hollywood, California, a good many years ago where a woman died trying to get a bottle neck out of her after some movie actor had stuck it into her. It can pull your guts right out with it!"
He studied the bottle for a moment.
"We've got to figure a way to release that suction. Can't just break the bottle because it might splinter and cut that pussy of yours to bloody ribbons."
Lola began to tremble. She was more frightened than embarrassed now.
"Wait a minute," the chef said, suddenly. "I've got an idea. Don't mess with that thing until I get back."
He disappeared for a few minutes, and when he came back he was carrying an electric drill. He unwound the cord from the handle, tightened the bit in the chuck and plugged it into the light receptacle.
"Okay, now," he said finally, "you hold it tight with your hands and I'll try drilling a hole in the bottom. That ought to do it."
Lola leaned back against the wall and bent as much as she could and took a firm grip on the bottle. The chef put the end of the drill bit against the end of the bottle and pressed the trigger switch. The bottle vibrated violently as the drill spun against it, and the glass pushed against her clitoris and almost drove her wild in spite of her embarrassment before the drill ground through the thick glass at the bottom. The suction released immediately and she was able to remove the neck of the bottle from her vagina. She dropped the bottle into a waste basket, pulled her panties up, dropped her skirt and stood there in acute embarrassment, not willing to meet the curious eyes of the chef.
"That was a stupid thing to do," the chef said finally. "If you want sex bad enough to do something like that why don't you let a man do it to you?"
Lola was too confused to do anything but blurt' the truth.
"Never had a man act like he wanted to!"
The chef didn't say anything for a time, but he did not move so she could get out of the bathroom. Finally he spoke, and his voice had an unusual quality to it now. There was a suggestion of a tremble in it and an eagerness:
"Lola, take your pants off again."
She looked at him.
The chef was unbuttoning his pants and while she stared he bared his penis through the opening. It was erect and red and as she stared at it it seemed to make a jerking motion every second or two. She had never seen one before and she stared in fascination.
"Take your pants off," the chef repeated again. By golly, Lola, you wanted to get screwed-now you're going to get screwed!"
She shook her head.
"No use shaking your head," the chef said. "You turn me down now and I may just mention to a few people around town I had to drill a hole in a beer bottle to get it out of your cunt. That ought to create a little conversation around this town."
Lola felt a cold chill go through her. Small towns thrive on gossip, and something like this would spread like wildfire. She would never be able to look anyone in the eye again. She looked at the chef beseechingly, but he had a determined glint in his eye, and she knew he meant what he said.
Tears filled the comers of her eyes, but she stooped and took her panties off, and pulled her skirt up around her waist.
The chef's approach to intercourse was just a little unusual, but she did not know really what to expect anyway, so she did not think it was particularly unusual when he sat down on the toilet stool and pulled her to him.
He required her to sit down on his lap, facing him, with her legs straddling him. When she began to settle down, he grasped one of her buttocks with his hand and steered her body so he could guide his penis into her with his other hand.
She was sore from the experience with the beer bottle, so the entry of his glans penis past her inflamed labia and up into her vaginal cavity was not particularly delightful, though she did feel a tingle of excitement in doing it.
Lola was not very heavy and the chef was strong. He simply took her rump in both hands and masturbated himself by lifting her up and down rapidly so that his penis slid in and out of her quite rapidly. The disarranged fly of his trousers touched her clitoris every time she came down, so that only a few minutes of it made her forget the pain and the embarrassment and she felt her lungs begin to labor with her excitement.
In three or four minutes the chef gave a sudden grunt and a strained expression appeared on his face. He jammed her down on his lap and held her tightly with his phallus extended full length into her, and she felt it begin a spasmodic jerking. She had no idea what was transpiring, except that she began to feel unusually hot and wet inside, and in a few moments the erect penis inside her was no longer erect and she could hardly feel it at all.
"You can get up now," the chef said finally.
She struggled to her feet and stood looking at him for a moment. His penis certainly looked different now-less than half the size it had been and very flexible and limp, it simply dropped down on his thighs instead of rearing up as it had before.
The chef winked at her and her blush came back.
"Wasn't that better than a beer bottle or a finger?" he asked her.
She did not answer. The chef labored to his feet, rebuttoned his pants and went out. Lola sat on the stool for a moment, feeling as if she needed to urinate, but nothing happened. Finally she put her panties back on and returned to the dining room. Fortunately no one had come in during the entire episode.
Very few afternoons passed from then on that the chef did not take her into a back room and have sex with her using his threat to expose her secret if she did not comply. Actually Lola did not need to be threatened. It was more fun than masturbating, and she could still masturbate at night.
The secret did get out, though. Several times people came into the cafe and were there when the chef and Lola came out of the backroom. Their relationship began to be suspected, and whispers started. Then one night the chef got drunk and someone got the whole story out of him.
In only a day or two every young buck who entered the cafe made some crack to her about having a beer bottle neck she might be interested in, and Lola finally packed up and left town. She wound up in a large coastal city, working in another cafe. By this time she had developed a guilt complex about her sexual instincts. She married twice; both were failures, and she was unable to achieve pregnancy in either one of them. This added to her complex, and she finally saved enough money to try the services of a psychiatrist. She was still under care at the time of the survey. She did not consent to an interview personally, but did agree that the doctor's records could be quoted from if her correct name was not revealed.
Discussion with her doctor indicated that Lola's problem was not a particularly serious one. While homely, she was hardly grotesque. Proper grooming, some dental corrections, and some instruction in ordinary social graces would have eliminated most of her early handicaps.
Sexual instruction at the proper time could have most likely prevented her ever having started masturbation, which would have eliminated the possibility of her most embarrassing experience, and the traumatic after effects of it.
Her inability to conceive was easily corrected, and had indeed been corrected by some relatively minor surgery while her psychiatric care was still in process. Another romance was beginning to blossom and there was every indication that Lola was on the threshold of a new existence, though it would never be possible to completely erase the memory and waste of the old one.
CHAPTER FIVE
Relatively few boys reach maturity without having experimented with masturbation. Relatively few continue it after they commence regular sexual relations with females. Here again, however, the male feels the handicap of ugliness in a beauty oriented world.
When he reads magazines, and when he looks at television or at sign-boards, he sees evidence that handsome males, smoking the right filter-tip cigarette, or drinking the right brand of whiskey, wearing the better cuts of clothing, or driving the more expensive makes of automobiles are having the longed-for success with girls, and he looks into the mirror and feels cut off.
The temptation to find a substitute is great, and the temptation to masturbate is almost impossible to resist When he wakes in the morning, if his bladder is full, he is most likely to have an erection, and even the warm touch of his hand in an attempt to place the organ out of sight under the clothing is a pleasant one and calculated to incline him to more handling.
Unlike most girls who take a slower path to sexual arousal, his instincts are quick and aggressive. The wind lifts a skirt, or a girl sits down and carelessly crosses her legs in such a manner that he can see her naked thigh almost to her crotch, His libido flames and when it flames his penis lifts.
He rides in a truck and the jolting rubs his penis against his trousers until it becomes erect. He sees animals having intercourse and his desires are initiated.
He slips around and catches somebody smooching in the park, and his mind goes to work. They are simply getting ready to hide and have sex, and he wonders when his first opportunity to have sex will come.
Yet, shy-and particularly if handicapped by being at once ugly and somewhat ignorant-he does not quite believe that girls really are as interested in sex as he is. In fact for a long time he has trouble believing that girls have a sex organ so completely different from his, even though he can see that other female animals are unique in this respect.
Inevitably he finds something on the printed page which stirs his interest in sex. Few are the communities which have not at one time or another entered in discussion, and attempted legislation, to put pornography out of the reach of the young. Yet if everything which has some pornographic effect on a curious young male were eliminated printing would have to be nearly abandoned altogether.
He goes through a phase when he looks up the word "sex" in a dictionary and then looks up all of the words that are associated with it. He particularly dwells on the word "vagina" and wonders why everybody he knows calls it "cunt" instead.
If there is an encyclopedia in his home, or in the library, he exhausts it, looking for anything approaching the erotic, and finding it in the most unsuspecting passages. If there is a medical book in his home he sneaks it from the shelf and pores over the pictures.
Always he gets an erection. An erect penis is conspicuous and uncomfortable, and as long as his mind is occupied with sex it will not subside naturally. He inevitably finds that the quickest and pleasantest way to get it to return to its normal condition is to find a secluded spot, take it out, and peel the loose foreskin back and forth until ejaculation occurs and relief is afforded. Even when he is too young to have an emission of semen he can achieve the spasmodic and frantic jerking and emotion throes of orgasm if he keeps up the massaging long enough.
If he were educated soon enough, he might not still resist the temptation to masturbate, but he would know what he was doing and how to avoid having it take control of him and cause harmful effects on his later years.
Alan was arrested when he was twenty-five years old for voyeurism. He was a tall, skinny boy with a long neck, long arms, knobby knees and elbows, and a real Ichabod Crane cast to his face. He was awkward in his youth and never really outgrew it. Shy and diffident, he never attempted to participate in any form of athletics, though he particularly needed the physical coordination and training it would have given him.
He received no information from his parents about sex, and his community took no interest in its youth. There were no programs for the young, except one church league which had an active youth program. He did not belong to that church-in fact he did not belong to any church.
He masturbated for the first time on a rainy Saturday afternoon in his room while poring over one of the greatest sources of pornographic printing available to youth-the ladies underwear section of a Sears catalogue.
He was studying the pantie page and wondering exactly what a vagina looked like, mentally equipping each model on the pages with his concept of what one would look like. The inevitable occurred. His penis became erect and extremely uncomfortable in his tight trousers. He unzipped his pants and released it from its uncomfortable prison. The sight of it interested him, it was so red and stiff, and he thought it was amusing that every few seconds it would sway gently as his muscles contracted and released.
He had never been circumcised and he wondered if he could pull the foreskin back completely past the head as one of his friends at school boasted he could do. He tried it and was unable to do so. He moved it back and forth thinking that it would eventually stretch enough if he kept working at it. As he moved the skin back and forth the sensation became so pleasant that he began to do it faster.
He kept looking at the pictures of the pantie and brassiere clad ladies in the catalogue and began to have sexual fantasies, imagining that instead of his hand on his penis he actually had it inside one of those mysterious vaginas whose image he could not successfully envision.
The more he stroked it the more his penis tingled with the most delightful sensation, and the faster he went the greater the sensation. His hand was moving almost faster than he could distinguish its separate movements when all at once the delightful sensation grew almost beyond his ability to endure. Suddenly his penis began to jerk uncontrollably and a quantity of whitish fluid spurted from the little hole in the end of it. The first few drops flew quite a distance, and succeeding eruptions fell much shorter, and finally, there was only a warm throbbing sensation and an uneasy dribble of the fluid.
The insistent erection was gone now, but he had learned about something which gave him great satisfaction. He cleaned up the sticky mass of semen, but did not put his penis back under his clothing. He continued to look at the underwear section until he got another erection. It took a long time to reach an orgasm this time because now he knew when he was getting close to it, and he would stop and let the thrill subside, so that he could prolong it and enjoy it for as long as possible.
Having discovered masturbation he became a convert to it. But it was a great inconvenience in that something had to be done about the emission after it occurred. It made it very difficult to do it in bed at night unless he was willing to put up with the wet condition of his underclothing or the sheets on the bed after finishing.
When summer came he found that he could go out behind the garage at the rear of the lot and do it there without interruption. His parents never missed him, or if they did they assumed he was playing hide and seek with the neighborhood youngsters. Actually these young people had little to do with Alan, and he with them. This was really Alan's fault. They would have accepted him, he realized later, even though there might have been some jibes at his ungainly appearance, but the effort to become accepted would have to have been his, and he did not make it.
His home was situated on a hillside lot, on the downhill side of the street. Back of the garage was a low concrete block fence which continued downward for about twelve feet, and which constituted a retaining wall to brace the sheer cliff which resulted when the lot just below on the parallel street had been excavated out of the side of the hill. The house on that lot was set back so far there was practically no back yard.
One evening when Alan slipped out behind the garage to indulge in his sex play he glanced over the wall, and found himself looking directly into the bathroom of that home. The bathroom had louvered glass windows and they were set at such an angle that he could see directly down into the tub.
He could see that there was water in the tub, so he continued to watch. In a few moments someone climbed into the tub, sat for a moment getting used to the warmth of the water. The person had long black hair and was obviously female. Alan felt a thrill go through him, and he could not have left his vantage point if he had desired.
In a few seconds the girl leaned back and lay down in the tub. Alan had his first look at nicely formed, fully developed breasts, and he could hardly take his eyes off them. Particularly when the girl began to handle them, and push at the large red nipples with her fingers.
He kept staring at her breasts, though he was also very aware of the black hair which adorned her crotch, and he wished that he could have a good look at the vagina which must be concealed under it. When the girl's hand went down there and began to make a rubbing motion, he got an immediate erection for he realized that the girl was doing something very similar with her own sex organs as he was accustomed to doing with his.
It was obvious that she received as great a thrill from her masturbating as he did from his, for her body twisted and writhed as she rubbed at her vagina, and he could see the expression on her face and recognize the tense ecstasy there.
He began to masturbate with her, but was disappointed that he could not actually see her vagina. When she sat up suddenly and even the hairy area of her crotch was removed from his view he was very disappointed. He watched while the girl reached somewhere and picked up a bath brush. He assumed that she was going to scrub herself now and get out of the tub, but instead she did a very strange thing.
She leaned back in the tub again into a prone position and this time she drew her legs up, folding her knees, so that suddenly he could see the reddish lips of her vagina amid all the black hair. He watched eagerly, still masturbating himself, as the girl took one hand and spread the inner lips of her vagina, and with the other inserted the handle of the bath brush and pushed it inside herself.
Then she began to work the brush handle in and out vigorously and he could see that the forefinger of her free hand was rubbing a spot.
The stimulation he received from what he was watching was so great that he ejaculated without trying to prolong the time he usually took to reach his climax. The excitement of watching her kept him so aroused that he did not lose his erection, and in a few moments he was able to resume masturbating again.
He did not leave the wall until the girl satisfied herself with the bath brush and then converted it to its normal use, finished her ablutions and left the tub. He watched her as she dried herself and slipped into pajamas and left the bath room. He continued to stroke his own penis until he ejaculated again, then returned to his own house.
The girl had quite regular habits, and he made a point of watching her nightly ritual, even though this involved staying out behind the gar age for as much as two hours in order to catch her in the tub. He watched for her at school and finally recognized her. He was surprised to find her a very quiet girl, inclined to keep by herself and having only a few friends. He had imagined that she would be very interested in boys and would always be around them. He wondered what she would do if he asked her to go to a show with him, but felt so sure she wouldn't that he never dared ask her.
Every time he saw her standing talking to her girl friends he would get a mental image of her laying in the bath tub with her legs spread wide apart thrusting the handle of the bath brush into herself, her face contorted with the thrill of the sensation she got from it. The secret she didn't know he shared with her amused him, and he began to desire to have more such secrets.
Once when he was watching the girl's father was in the bath room, shaving and apparently preparing to go out for some function. While he watched, the mother came in and began to strip and prepare for her own bath.
The husband finished shaving just as the wife finished stripping, and began to tease her before she could get into the tub, holding her and kissing her, fondling her breasts, and reaching a hand between her legs to touch that interesting organ which so excited Alan's curiosity. He hoped they would have intercourse there in the bathroom so he would be able to watch them, but after a little teasing the man let the woman get into the tub, and left the room.
Alan began to wonder how he might be able to catch sight of people actually having sex. The idea intrigued him, and he thought a lot about it. Obviously the bathroom was not the most logical place for such activity to take place. If he were going to witness something of that kind he would have to peek into bedroom windows, or catch somebody outside doing it.
There was a fairly large park not too far from his home and he had heard rumors that young fellows took girls there from time to time and made love to them in their cars, or sometimes in decided one Friday night to roam the park for the more secluded wooded areas of the park. He decided one Friday night to roam the park for awhile and see what he could see.
He had wandered through it during the day many times, and he had an idea where he might find the action he wanted to watch. One road wound through an area which contained a great deal of brushy shrubbery and many trees. It was some distance from the playground and pools, and there was a convenient hill which overlooked the road which ran through it.
He walked there just after dark and climbed the hill, to find a spot from which he could watch for cars. He watched for more than two hours and saw several cars drive through the area but none stopped. Finally when he was about to give up and go home one car did stop and park. He watched breathlessly, and after a few moments a young fellow and a girl got out and walked into the brushy area. They seemed to be carrying something, and Alan guessed that it was a blanket.
He moved quickly but quietly down the hill and entered the brushy area where they had gone. He was wearing tennis shoes, and he took care to move very quietly, stopping every few seconds to listen. When he finally caught the sound of their voices, even though they were talking in very low tones, it was not hard for him to follow them.
There was about half of a moon up and the light was dim, but his eyes had grown accustomed to it and he was able to move along without brushing against anything which would make a noise, and he stalked them carefully until he could tell by their voices they had stopped.
He left the path then and moved stealthily through the thicker underbrush, approaching them very slowly, until he could tell by the voices that he was very close. Then he got down on his hands and knees and wormed his way along until there was only a bush separating him from them. Coming up close behind it and stopping, he flattened out, made himself comfortable and watched them from its shelter.
It was a blanket they had been carrying. By the time he got to his vantage place they had spread it out and had sat down upon it. The boy was kissing the girl.
Anticipating that their petting would soon get much more fundamental Alan felt his own sexual instincts stir and he felt the beginning of an erection.
He did not have too long to wait. Before long the boy pushed the girl over so that she sprawled out on the blanket, and then he lay down beside her, turned and bent over her and began to kiss her again. In a few moments his hands began to wander over her body. Her blouse had come untucked from her skirt and Alan watched breathlessly as the boy's hand went up under it and quested from one breast to the other. He heard the girl giggle and saw her push once or twice at the exploring hand, but it was obvious that she was not really making an effort to avoid it.
Little by little the blouse got unbuttoned, and the brassiere got unsnapped and Alan again got a glimpse of naked breasts, only this time they were much larger and of more mature dimension than the ones he had been admiring in the neighboring bathtub for so many evenings.
The boy shifted his kisses from the girl's mouth to the bare breasts, and there was more giggling and ineffectual pushing. Kissing the breasts had freed his hands for more exploration, and Alan began to feel strong excitement as the girl's skirt was drawn swiftly up, exposing her thighs and her panties. At first the boy simply rubbed her vaginal area without trying to remove her panties, but before long Alan saw his hand slip under the elastic at the top, and he could see the bulge it made as it traveled swiftly down to her crotch and closed over the vagina.
There was a little more spirited resistance then for a time and some rather shrill protests and a number of shushes in a male voice, before the boy silenced the girl's protests by a passionate kiss on the mouth.
In a few moments the thighs simply remained wide spread and the hand ground about inside the panties at will, and the girl seemed to be having trouble getting enough breath, for she began to pant audibly.
In a few more moments the hand retreated from its position inside the panties, but only long enough to grasp the elastic hem and strip them down from her hips. She made only a token resistance as the boy broke the kiss long enough to strip them completely from her. Then he returned to the kissing and this time his hand had completely free play around her exposed vagina, and she made no effort to keep her thighs together to hamper him.
They were positioned on the blanket in such a way that Alan was staring directly into her crotch. As the moon lifted in the sky the light became a little brighter, and he could see the boy actually insert a finger into the girl and move it back and forth in a simulated coital motion.
Alan's erection had become so strong that he was uncomfortable. He shifted his position slightly, and very carefully, slid his zipper down silently and let it jut out of his fly. He began to stroke it slowly, and let the exciting feeling suffuse his loins.
Abruptly the boy he was watching seemed to feel that he had devoted enough time to stimulating the girl. He moved away from her for a moment, unzipped his pants and freed his own penis, which Alan could see was in as erect a state of preparation as his own. Then, ignoring the girl's feebly half-hearted and obviously insincere protests, the boy climbed between her outstretched thighs and lay down upon her.
Now Alan's vision was obscured. He could no longer see the girl's vagina and the mat of dark hair around it, but only the white sheen of her drawn up thighs, and the boy's back. But he could see the boy's hand move under him, directing traffic there, and the sudden thrust of his hips as his penis entered the girl, and he could hear her gasp at that instant.
Then the boy's buttocks began to lift and lower rapidly and urgently, and both of them began to pant loudly. Alan began to masturbate himself rapidly in rhythm with the copulating pair in front of him, and as the boy obviously reached his climax, Alan felt the thrilling shock as his own semen spurted out on the ground.
Having approached them so closely he could not retreat while they were still there on the blanket, so he could only stay and watch while they continued their sex play. The young man was apparently strong and well sexed, for he continued the exercise until it was apparent that he had climaxed at least three times.
Finally he seemed to be unable to maintain his erection any longer and he moved away from the girl. She continued to lay there with her thighs flung apart while Alan stared at the dark shadow of her vaginal recess, wishing the light were much stronger so he could see in detail how it looked. Finally she sighed contentedly, sat up and retrieved her panties. She stood up and put them on, and she and the boy picked up the blanket.
Alan froze then. Now the danger of discovery was the greatest. If either of them moved around the bush-well the young man would certainly punish him for watching them. He held his breath while they carefully folded the blanket and did not exhale it until they had moved away and disappeared down the path toward the road.
When he could no longer hear them, Alan got up, redressed himself and cut off through the brush in the opposite direction. Before long he was out of the park and on his way home, but he was not satisfied, even though his evening had been very interesting and instructive. He had seen human beings having sexual intercourse, but he still had not had a good look. The light had been too dim for him to see exactly what transpired, and he had been unable to see the expressions on their faces.
Before the summer was over he was roaming the neighborhood alleyways looking for lighted bedroom windows with undrawn blinds. Since he did not read the paper he was not aware that an occasional report was published of a suspected peeping torn in his vicinity. Actually it was several years before he was caught, but the first summer was not yet over when he found what he was looking for.
Some of the houses on a street not far from his own had small rental dwellings at the rear of the lot, usually constructed in addition to the garage which faced out on the alley. Alan had learned that one of these in particular had been freshly occupied by a newly married couple. He was certain that there would be plenty of sexual activity in that house, and he wondered if they might not, in their enthusiasm, be a little careless about open windows and blinds. It was a very warm summer and bedroom windows were usually left open all night for some relief from the heat. Since air does not circulate too freely with blinds tightly drawn, Alan thought there might be an excellent chance of doing some successful peeping at this home.
It had the added advantage of having a board fence which extended from the comer of the house to the rear comer of the lot, and he found in an experimental trip down the alley that there was a loose board on the fence which would afford entrance. Once through, he could only be seen from the front of the house, and there were some shrubs which effectively shielded any potential prowler from and observer there.
He picked his night, slipped quickly and quietly down the alley, took a careful look around, and went through the fence. It was still a little early and there was no light in the bedroom window, but he could see that the window was open and the blind was up. He crouched in the shadow of a bush and waited, and within the first hour the light was suddenly snapped on. He saw the form of the wife cross the room and pull the blind down, but, and he could hardly suppress a sigh of satisfaction, it was left up enough so that there was a lighted rectangle at least three inches deep. Alan moved closer so that he could see the interior clearly.
The young wife was a very attractive young woman probably about nineteen years old, with a pretty face, and long reddish brown hair. Alan felt the forbidden thrill close over him as he watched her begin to undress. Her blouse and skirt came off first, then a half slip and she put them all into a closet. Clad only in panties and bra, she sat down on the edge of the bed, almost facing him, and removed her shoes and stockings. She sat for a little while, so dressed, combing her hair at the mirror, then finally reached behind herself and unsnapped her brassiere.
Alan watched her remove the garment and he looked at her naked breasts with appreciation. They were large, but firm and young with no trace of sag, and they were capped with large pink aureoles and generous nipples which had an audacious jut to them.
Hardly had the breasts been bared when the panties were stripped off, tossed carelessly to a chair, and then she lay down on the bed as if she were waiting. While waiting she sprawled comfortably and Alan found himself in perfect position to observe her vaginal area. He noted that she had a considerable amount of reddish brown hair there, and he looked carefully at her vagina for it was the first he had seen at such a close range in such abundant light.
For the first time he could easily see the contour of the soft red inner labia, and how they came together at the top and formed the little cove which he had noted in previous observations seemed to house a point of sensitivity which seemed to give the woman a tremendous thrill when touched.
Alan began to feel his own sexual interest stir, and his penis began to thicken and grow erect. He was about to unzip his trousers and free it when the husband came into the room. He froze, watching them.
He could hear their voices as they chatted, but he paid no attention to what they were saying for he was only interested in the physical relationship between them, and in what it would do for him in the vicarious sexual satisfaction he might obtain from it.
The husband was obviously intrigued by his wife's nudity. Alan noted that he could hardly take his eyes from her crotch, and that as he undressed he was always turned toward her so he could continue to look at it. When he took the last of his clothing off, Alan could see that he was fully aroused sexually, and that his penis was erect and eager.
The woman noticed it too and smiled, and made some comment about it.
They came together on the bed and began to pet without turning out the light. Alan was very pleased, for he was sure that the man would not turn away from his obvious intent now for such an insignificant matter as putting the light out. His fingers were already busy in the woman's crotch while he kissed her, and he seemed to be rubbing the little spot where the rich red labia joined at the top. Alan watched her toes twist and her body squirm as the stimulation went on. His own erection became so insistent that he had to release his penis from his trousers in order to be comfortable.
He began to masturbate slowly while the husband fondled the woman, and kissed his way down to her breasts. There was no conversation in the room now. Both were completely intent on their sex play. The night was still and Alan could hear their spirited breathing as their passions mounted.
He was sure that they would proceed to have intercourse after a little of the breast kissing for that is what the young couple in the park had done. He was startled when the husband kissed nis way down the flat plane of the woman's belly, and finally touched his lips to her vagina.
A long low moan escaped her as he did so, and she pulled her legs up so that her body doubled almost into fetal position and it was obvious that she derived tremendous stimulation from this contact.
Since the back of the man's nead obscured Alan's view of the woman's vagina, he could not be sure exactly what the man was doing, but he was conscious that it went on for some time, and that his own stimulation was reaching a peak.
With an effort he restrained himself from masturbating to the point of an ejaculation, and as he rested, the man inside apparently reached the apex of his own stimulation. He stopped kissing the woman's vagina and moved to mount her.
The angle of the bed to the window was such that Alan had a perfect view of the proceedings, particularly with the woman's legs drawn up so far. He watched in fascination as the red glans penis made contact with the swollen labia, and pressed them apart, and slowly disappeared beyond them. As the shaft slowly buried itself in the vagina the small labia seemed to retreat before it and appeared to be following it inside. Then it penetrated fully, hesitated and began to move out again, and this time the labia followed it and seemed to grip it affectionately.
Alan suddenly felt his own semen spurt from him. He felt weak and dizzy from the emotion which flowed through him, but he could not leave the window, and he crouched there, fascinated by the sight of the thick red penis plunging vigorously in and out of the vaginal cavity, and listening to the hoarse panting of the young couple as it continued.
It was not long until the husband obviously reached his own climax, for he gave a huge sigh, suddenly thrust his organ as deeply as he could into the woman and clung to her, trembling. A low moan escaped her and Alan noted her hands clutching in a distracted fashion at his naked shoulders.
After awhile they continued the coital movements, and Alan continued to watch them, masturbating as he did so. By the time he was able to ejaculate again the couple inside seemed to have reached a point of satiation. They drew apart and after a few moments both got up and left the room, and Alan assumed that they were going to the bathroom.
It seemed like a good time to make his own retreat, so he slipped to the fence, peered through to make sure the alley was deserted, slipped through and went home.
He stated during the interview with him that he watched this particular couple several times during that summer. He also stated that he had almost completely stopped masturbating, except when he was engaged in his peeping.
After a few more years, he said that he found that he had little sexual drive on other than these occasions, and that he had no real curiosity to have sex with a woman himself. When he was finally intercepted and arrested it developed that he was still virgin as far as sexual contact with women was concerned, and that he had also reached the point where he only obtained erections while watching other people in some form of sexual activity.
Alan's offense, while repugnant to normal society, had not actually resulted in harm to anyone. His particular psychological attitude toward sex clearly indicated that he was not a potential rapist-at least at that point. His detainment by the police was embarrassing to him, but relatively little publicity developed from it, and he was placed on probation and required to obtain psychiatric counseling.
This had only just begun at the time of the interview with him, so it is impossible to make a prediction as to the future course of Alan's life.
It can only be pointed out that the tragedy of it-for the perversion of a human talent in this direction is a tragedy-could have been prevented with the proper kind of attention at the right point in time.
It is true that Alan was homely, and that this could not have been corrected by any form of surgery. But his personality could have been improved upon, and his social adjustment could have been attended to, and his ignorance of matters pertaining to sex could have been alleviated.
Even though the home is the environment where this would preferably occur, when it does not the classroom is the only other alternative. Misfits are a social misfortune which an enlightened society should and could avoid. The cost of this early education would certainly be more than offset in the saving to be effected in later years at the punitive and crash-corrective efforts necessary when it is all but too late.
CHAPTER SIX
In the cases considered so far it is to be noted that the damage resultant from misdirected social and sexual drives was confined for the most part to the individuals themselves, and frequently to close members of their own families. Society suffered, too, but indirectly and in a manner difficult of measurement. Society was deprived of the most effective contribution which might have been made by these individuals under a different set of circumstances.
Every human being is born with a potential for some form of good-some active contribution to the general well-being and progress of the human race. Whether this particular talent is discovered, nourished, and brought to fruition depends upon so many inter-related factors that the wonder may really be that any talent is ever brought to focus.
Certainly, education, training, testing, and social adjustment create the climate in which talent is either to grow or wither. If the education, training, testing and adjusting is conscientious, aggressive and well directed, the talent has a better chance. If any of these factors is lacking, or is lack-luster, the development of talent will be left to the drive of the individual himself, and even this drive is subject to the influence of environment.
The case of Hal C. illustrates a real, tangible, and serious damage to society itself in a personality development which started out to be very much like that of Alan in the previous chapter.
Hal had a habit of stealing which his parents were aware of, but which they made no serious effort to correct. Most of the time it was confined to the theft of an apple or a banana from the store, or perhaps another child's toy. Like Alan, Hal was a homely child, not well accepted by his peers. He had a sort of Neanderthal-man cast to his features, heavy, craggy, large toothed, massive browed-an ape-like ugliness which fell short of the rugged masculine virile appearance which is frequently admired even when the combination of features is not sleekly handsome.
They chided him gently, never required him to return the stolen objects, and actually felt sorry for him because of his handicap, and had no idea what to do to alleviate the problem.
Hal lived in a small city in a western state, situated on the slope of a mountain which provided natural parks within its reaching canyons.
His first real exposure to sex, other than the usual confusing references to it common to children, and a certain amount of unrequited curiosity, came when he was fourteen. A boy in his school had managed to accumulate a number of pornographic pictures, which he brought to school one day. During a recess several of the boys found a secluded area off the school ground up on the side of the hill and pored over them.
They were typical of what are usually called "French postcards," and ran the gamut from individual pictures of women which showed the vaginal area, through scenes of men and women having normal sexual intercourse, and posed in such a way that the position of the penis being inserted, or actually inserted to some of its length in the vagina was revealed, to the more unusual shots of various oral-genital contact. Hal remembers being particularly intrigued by one picture of a woman lying upon her back with her legs spread wide. A man was over her on his hands and knees, positioned in such a manner as to permit him to have his mouth in contact with her vagina, while she in turn had tilted her head back and had the end of his penis in her mouth.
There were other pictures which involved more than one of each sex in various sexual efforts, and Hal found them exciting and stimulating. He also found within a day or so an opportunity to steal the entire lot. He felt quite safe in doing so for certainly the boy who owned them could not report the theft to anyone, and he was too small to challenge Hal about it even though he had little doubt who had taken them.
Hal had a hideout on the acreage where his parents lived-an old shed which had once been a chicken-coop, where he kept some magazines, a mouth organ, and where he enjoyed taking a solitary vacation from the world for a few minutes each day. Again his parents felt that he needed this, respected his privacy, and never made an effort to find out what he kept in the building.
He spent more time there after he took the pictures from the other boy, studying them and wondering when it would be possible for him to enjoy some of the same experiences. None of the girls he knew seemed willing to have anything to do with him, so the prospect did not seem likely.
As he studied the pictures the inevitable occurred. He got an erection, and it was uncomfortable so he released his penis from its confined inside his trousers, and in the process of so doing found that touching it gave him pleasure. Soon he was in the habit of masturbating every day, using the pictures to aid his sexual fantasies, mentally substituting himself for the men in the pictures.
During the summer he spent quite a lot of his time roaming through the canyons back of the town, sometimes fishing, but generally just walking and enjoying the solitude. He often took a home-made slingshot and a handful of pebbles with him and stalked birds to see if he could kill them. Killing seemed to give him a strange sort of exultation and a feeling of power, as well as a sense of revenge on a world which was not really cruel to him so much as it simply ignored him.
On a Saturday afternoon he was a considerable distance up one of the canyons, moving silently in sneakers in an effort to get close enough to a crow to kill it. The crow had no illusions about his intentions and was aware of him. It kept flying a little farther each time Hal got within range, and Hal in turn was trying to get out of sight of the bird and still move close enough for his shot.
All at once he heard voices, and he could tell that there were not more than two of them, and that one was a girl. He stopped stalking the bird and started stalking the couple, just to see if he could slip up on them without being seen.
He was quite successful, for the pair were very much occupied with each other, and obviously not expecting any other person to be as far up the canyon as they were.
They were kissing when Hal got to a spot where he could observe them without being seen. A tree had fallen and the boy was standing with his back against a branch which reared up from it, leaning against it, clutching the girl forward to him as he kissed her.
Hal was much intrigued by the fact that as he kissed her his fingers were massaging her back in such a way as to cause her skirt to slip slowly up her thighs. Hal gulped and watched it climb and expose the brightly colored cloth of her panties. When the hem reached the boy's fingers he felt for the elastic waistband of her panties, slipped his fingers underneath it, plunged both hands inside and imprisoned a fat little buttock in each hand.
The girl broke the kiss, squealed, and slapped him, but he simply held her tight, caught her mouth with his again and continued to kiss her while his hands fondled her buttocks inside the pants.
She broke the kiss again and tried to slap him, but this time the boy took the offensive and jerked her panties down to her knees. Hal caught sight of her naked backside for a moment before her skirt fell and hid it.
She giggled then, and tried to run, but with her panties down to her knees it was impossible. She tripped and fell on a grassy spot. She rolled and scrambled quickly, but the boy was faster than she was, and before she could recover herself he had her panties completely off.
There then followed a period of negotiation, which Hal listened to with interest, during which she attempted, but without any real urgency, to induce the boy to return her garments. He refused, crumpled them into a small ball and thrust them deep into his hip pocket.
Then he grabbed her and tried to kiss her again. She resisted, and in the struggle they both fell to the ground again. After a little wrestling she began to get the boy kiss her again. Hal felt his passion rise. From where he was crouched behind the brush watching them he could see a considerable expanse of bare thigh, and as they moved restlessly in their embrace, her skirt climbed slowly high, revealing more and more.
The kissing began to stimulate the girl, and it became evident as she made less and less effort to keep her skirt down, or even to keep her legs closed. After a few moments the skirt had climbed up to her waist again and as Hal watched breathlessly her thighs came apart and he found himself looking with unobstructed view at her vagina.
He enjoyed it much more than looking at the pictures, though he found that the real thing looked quite similar to the pictures he had pored over for so many hours. There was the same thick growth of curly hair on the thick outer lips, and a rather brighter red than he had imagined to the inner labia, and it was a tremendous thrill to be looking at the slit-like opening.
After the girl began accepting the kisses quietly the boy with her began exploring with his hand, around her breasts at first, but he did not linger long there since they were still imprisoned in her clothing. The hand came down and stroked the smooth skin of her inner thighs for awhile.
At first she pulled her legs closed again, but as the kisses continued they fell apart again and the hand moved boldly to her vagina. Again the legs clamped shut, but the hand was imprisoned in contact with its objective, and it was a busy hand. In a few seconds the legs came up again and Hal watched with renewed interest as an exploring finger parted the red little lips and entered the opening.
He drew the finger back and forth so that it simulated sexual intercourse, and while the girl reached and pushed at his arm once or twice it was evident to Hal that she did not really want him to stop doing it. Indeed she moved her body and pulled her thigh up so that the angle of entrance of his finger was more comfortable for her, and Hal could hear her breathing begin to race.
When the boy inserted two fingers instead of one and made his hand move much more rapidly her breath became a hoarse gasping and her body began to twist and squirm.
Hal was quite surprised. He realized that the boy was actually masturbating her and that she was enjoying it as much as he enjoyed his own masturbating. He had assumed that only boys masturbated and it had never really occurred to him that girls might enjoy the same stimulation.
He kept perfectly silent and watched while the scene continued to its inevitable conclusion. The boy finally exposed his erect penis, mounted the girl, thrust it into her and began vigorous coital movements, which were matched by the girl. Both of them were so stimulated that it was only a moment or two before they climaxed and clung together, trembling and gasping.
When they drew apart for a rest the girl made no protest as the boy undid the top part of her dress and exposed her breasts so he could handle them and kiss them.
In a short time they became avid again. The boy rolled upon her, her thighs came up and this time Hal could actually see the erect penis meet the waiting labia, push them apart and disappear into the crevice. They were a vigorous young couple, and Hal had to stay motionless, watching, while they continued to have successive intercourses until the boy could no longer get an erection. Finally they finished, restored their clothes to order and walked off down the canyon.
Stimulated himself to the point of an uncontrollable trembling, Hal bared his own phallus and rapidly masturbated himself until his own spurt of semen restored a measure of calmness and relaxation.
Hal dwelt much on the scene he had witnessed, continued to pore over his French pictures, accumulated more as he got the opportunity to do so, and wandered the canyons around the little city, and even the back alleys at night, trying to catch other couples indulging in sexual experimentation. From time to time he was successful, and as he grew and approached manhood his desire to have intercourse with a girl himself became almost an obsession. Still, the fruition of it seemed as far away as ever for the girls simply did not like him, and most of the ones he knew seemed actually afraid of him.
It was only a week or so past his nineteenth birthday when the climactic event of his life occurred. It was another warm summer afternoon, and he was wandering the canyon again.
He caught sight of the girl before she saw him, and according to his instinct, he got out of her sight and slipped close to watch her. She was picking flowers, and she was a rather pretty girl, slim, but with a nice figure. He had seen her in school and knew her name, but had never had anything to do with her.
She was wearing a skirt and blouse, and as she stooped to pick flowers, Hal occasionally caught a glimpse of white thigh, and once or twice he could actually see the crotch strap of the black panties she wore.
It is probable that nothing would have happened if the girl had not suddenly had a need to pass urine. She put the flowers she had picked on the wrapping paper where her collection had grown to sizeable proportions, stood up, stretched and looked around cautiously. She did not anticipate that anyone would be near her, and she did not see Hal where he crouched behind a bush. So she pulled her skirt up and imprisoned it around her waist, slipped her panties down and squatted. Had she faced the opposite direction nothing might have happened, but she squatted facing Hal, and his eager eyes devoured her vagina as the stream spurted from it.
She had hardly finished and had not yet stood up when his impulse overwhelmed him. He stood up abruptly and moved directly at her, unzipping his trousers. She took one look at his erect penis as he bared it and screamed.
The scream echoed through the canyon and it made Hal panic. He leaped at her and swung his fist at her head. It caught her an awkward crab-like blow along the temple and stunned her. She fell back to the ground again.
Hal snatched her skirt up again and ripped her panties off. Flinging her legs apart he put his face down close to her vagina, and memorized in an instant every feature of it-the curly black hair, the plump outer lips, the glistening red labia minoria and the little protrusion where they joined to form a hood for the clitoris-and where his nostrils could draw in the feminine scent of her.
Brimming with lust, he got on his knees, lifted her hips until he could place his penis against her vagina, and then watched it push the small lips apart and enter her. The soft hot, moist feel of her flesh inflamed him, and he suddenly rammed it all the way into her with brute force.
The shock and pain of it revived her from the stunning effect of the blow he had struck her. Her eyes opened wide with horror as she looked at his brute-like face, saw the naked lust mirrored there and realized that she was being raped. She screamed again and Hal's hand grasped her throat to cut off the sound.
She made a series of gurgling sounds, struggled as hard as she could but was helpless before his strength. He only held her throat for an instant and when she relaxed he thought she had fainted. He continued to plunge his phallus in and out until the enormous thrill of his ejaculation overtook him.
He withdrew then, but the sight of her vagina, from which there was now a trickle of red blood, kept his excitement at a peak and in only a moment or two he entered her again and floundered awkwardly at her until there was another spurt of semen. Still she lay motionless, and suddenly he became aware that she was not experiencing the hoarse excited breathing that he had noted in other couples having sexual intercourse. A chill suddenly drove all thought of sex out of his mind as he realized that she was not breathing at all.
Horrified, he slapped at her, and rubbed at her hands hoping her breath would come back. He even flipped her over and made an awkard effort to give her artificial respiration. None of it was to any effect. The girl was dead.
He put her on her back again, tried to put the torn black panties on again, and pulled her skirt down so that she was not exposed. Then he got up and ran. He ran blindly and heedlessly down the canyon, not even aware that he was seen as he burst out of it and entered the outskirts of the little city.
He hurried to his little chicken coop hideaway and sat there, brooding, frightened and indecisive, stunned and full of remorse. He thought of running away, but was unable to make up his mind where to go, how to go about it, and he was paralyzed with indecision, for he had no idea how to sustain himself without his parents care to lean on.
He was still crouched there in an agony of indecision when the police came and took him away.
The state where this occurred executes its murderers by firing squad. Whether Hal will go before that squad is not predictable at this time. Authorities are concerned with the problem of responsibility in his case. His obvious mental instability may yet save him from the death sentence.
Society was damaged by Hal. The girl victim is dead. Her parents have suffered a loss which cannot be restored, and have felt the anguish of grief. Her talents will never be known or used.
Hal's parents have shared that grief, and have suffered the most acute kind of embarrassment for their society blames them for his action. And certainly to some degree they do merit that blame.
Society was damaged-severely so. But the question remains-how much responsibility does society bear for the circumstances which brought about the tragedy. Something which might have been done to avert it, was left undone.
And is still being left undone.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Incest is an unpleasant word. Society is revolted by the sound of it and the implication of it. But it is a fact, and a not infrequent one. Perhaps the incidence of incest cases is not as frequent as was the case in past years, but if this is true it is because there is a little more awareness of the abnormality of it. It is difficult to measure the extent of any improvement in society's ability to prevent incest, for the nature of it is such that it is a much better kept secret than other forms of sexual misconduct, and it is impossible to know what fraction of the general population which actually commits it is ever exposed.
The survey was only able to investigate a few cases, and these were turned up through psychia trist's records. In the case to be reviewed here the habit was finally broken under rather unusual circumstances, and the interview was permitted under strictest security, only because the people involved had become aware of the repugnant nature of what they had been doing, and were anxious to cooperate in any movement to improve education on the subject which might further lessen the incidence of it.
This case involves a brother and sister whom we shall refer to simply as Dan and Ella, because neither name is remotely similar to their own names. They were born in a middlewestern state in the late twenties, Dan being about eighteen months older than his sister.
Both were redheaded, freckled to the extreme, and homely to the extent that they hated to look in a mirror. They were taunted by other children about their flaming shocks of red hair and the tremendous profusion of freckles they were cursed with, and they became introverted as a result of it. They did not enjoy school, though neither of them was stupid at all, and they were never invited to join the Other children at parties or social events. They formed the habit of staying together to present a united front to what they regarded as a hostile society. Actually as the years wore on and the children became less cruel by instinct, it was in reality only a slightly derisive society which would have accepted them without much question. But by the time they were entering their teens they had pretty well rejected society.
Unfortunately their parents were ignorant people, and it was their own carelessness and lack of interest in the two children which set the stage for the incestuous relationship which came about. They lived in a small house on the edge of a small town and the father worked on farms within walking distance of the house.
There were two small bedrooms. The parents shared one, and the children the other one. Both bedrooms contained only a double bed, so that Dan and Ella slept together from an early age right on into puberty and beyond. Darkness was the only insurance of privacy they had, except for a small screen in one comer of the room which permitted Ella to get dressed in the morning without being too conspicuous. Perhaps it might have been better for both of them if there had been no effort at privacy at all, and Dan would never had to have suffered an unsatisfied curiosity about the appearance of female sex organs.
Nevertheless when he reached the age where his own sexual instincts began to plague him, he developed this curiosity and began to give some thought as to how he might satisfy it. Since his relationship to Ella was so close, and they slept in the same bed, it seemed to him that he ought to be able to accomplish it with her.
However, Ella always got behind the screen to put her clothes on in the morning. It was always dark at night when they undressed for bed. He was reluctant to simply ask her to let him look at her organs, and yet the occasional touch of her soft body and budding breasts in the bed before he slept at night kept the desire to find out urgent in his mind.
Tormented by it, he began when he was fifteen and Ella was a little past thirteen, to have trouble in getting to sleep at night. He would lie awake and have sexual fantasies, and he was acutely aware that a female form was next to him in the bed and the answer to all his questionings right at hand if he had the courage to do something about it.
One night when Ella seemed to be soundly asleep his curiosity became too strong to be denied any longer. Cautiously he snuggled closer to her and put his hand on her leg. It did not seem to disturb her sleep so he brought it slowly up her thigh until it reached her crotch. She was wearing a threadbare old pair of panties which clung tightly to her and through the clothes his fingers could trace the outlines of her vagina-the mound at the front, the beginning of a little hairy adornment, and the crevice between the thicker outer lips of it. His exploring finger could even make out faintly the fact of another pair of smaller, softer lips enclosed by the outer ones, but when his finger touched her clitoris she stirred and almost awakened.
Ben took his hand away quickly and lay so quietly that he almost forgot to breathe while she stirred restlessly, and moved around for a few minutes. He was frightened, for he was not sure that she might not complain to their parents if he touched her down there, but at the same time the experimentation had thrilled him and stimulated him and his penis was so stiffly erect that it was almost painful. It was a long time-after he finally became drowsy in fact-before it returned to its flaccid state.
He made no further effort to touch her that night, but on the following night he kept himself awake until Ella was soundly asleep and then and was sleeping on her side with her top leg drawn up so that her knee pointed toward the side of the bed. As he had the night before Ben let his hand rest on her thigh well away from his objective and waited to see if she would move or make any sign of having been disturbed. Nothing happened.
He moved his hand, touching her only very lightly, up along the smooth warm leg until his finger located the point underneath the crotch of her panties where he could feel the indentation of her vagina. He traced its outlines carefully with his finger, trying to visualize what it would look like, and again his penis became erect and stiff, and throbbed urgently.
Ella continued to sleep despite the exploring finger, so he became bolder, still holding his breath with the fear that she might suddenly awaken. He moved his fingers to the side and found the hemmed edge of her panties. Her position on the bed was such that the panties did not cling as tightly to her as those she had worn the night before. He was able to slip his finger under the edge of the crotch strap and lift it up enough to permit his fingers to slide inside.
Suddenly his finger encountered a wet area, soft and warm to the touch, and exploring again, discerned that they were in contact with two fleshy structures shaped like thin lips, close together, but easily parted, and surrounded closely by heavier protrusions of lip-like flesh covered with a fine growth of short hair.
Exploring he found that at the bottom of the crevice between the moist inner lips they were not firmly together and that it was possible to actually push his finger between them and feel it encounter the warm depths of her body. He did it very slowly, hardly daring to breathe for fear she would waken, but in a little while his entire finger was inside the opening.
The rhythm of her breathing suddenly began to change and he felt her leg move as if she were going to change positions. Quickly he pulled his finger out of the warm wet opening and moved away from her. She shifted then and stretched out on her back and he heard a long sleepy sigh. But she did not wake up.
He dared not touch her again that night. He was a long time getting to sleep, and during the night remembers dreaming a long involved dream which involved sex, but the details of which were not clear to him, and being suddenly awakened by the impression that he was actually having sexual intercourse. When consciousness came his penis was throbbing and jerking and he found the sheet near it was wet and sticky. It was his first nocturnal emission, but he knew what it was. Some of the boys at school had been bragging about having "wet dreams."
The next night he tried it again. Ella was on her back this time and her long slow breathing indicated that she was sound asleep. This time Ben decided to be quite bold since she had not awakened easily the night before. He put his hand on her belly and let it rest there for a time, then slipped his whole hand under the top hem of her panties and slid it down between her outstretched legs, and let it rest directly over the warm moist outline of her vagina. He found that he could get a much clearer concept of how it must look this way since his fingers could make out the outlines of both the outer and inner lips at the same time, and could feel the junction where the inner labia came together at the top.
Putting his finger inside her had thrilled him so much the night before that he lost no time in doing it again. It was a little awkward trying to do it with his hand inside her panties, but he found that he could manage by bending his finger at just the right angle. Once in he instinctively began to move it in and out and felt her vagina become noticeably moister.
He was so intent on what he was doing that he did not notice that the rhythm of her breathing changed, and he had been toying with her for quite awhile before he began to have a suspicion that she was no longer asleep. She said nothing however, so he kept the finger going for a time, not realizing that it was also almost in continuous contact with a tiny protuberance just where the two inner lips of her vagina joined at the top.
Suddenly one of her legs moved and pulled up so that the knee lifted the cover high and her body moved jerkily. Scared Ben removed his finger from its wet little prison and jerked his hand out of her panties and retired to his own side of the bed. It was a long time before he got sleepy enough to lose his erection, and during that time he could sense Ella moving restlessly about and he had the impression that her own hand was inside her panties for a time.
He was frightened to try any more experimentation for a night or two, but eventually his curiosity got the best of him and he kept himself awake until he thought she was sleeping deeply again. He was going to slip his hand in under her panties from the top again, but as it slid along her belly trying to locate the top of the panties it encountered no obstruction at all, and was suddenly resting on its objective. Ella had left her panties off.
Almost mechanically he inserted his finger into the cleft and began to pump it back and forth, while he thought about the implications of her nakedness. Now he was sure she had been awake the last time he had touched her, and he wondered if she had left her panties off because she liked what he was doing.
Then he realized that she was awake again, and this time she made no secret of it. He heard her whisper:
"Feels good, Ben."
He didn't answer for a little while, but he felt fear and he finally voiced it. "You going to tell Mom?"
"No." A pause, then. "She'd probably say not to do it."
"You like to do it?"
"Yes. It feels real good. Do it faster."
He speeded the tempo and his finger flashed in and out. Her breathing quickened, and she pulled her legs up to make a cradle of her crotch so that his finger entered at the angle most pleasing to her.
"Ben?"
"What?"
"Stop doing that for a minute. I'll show you where to just rub it so it feels wonderful."
He let her guide "his hand until his finger was pressed against the little protuberance almost hidden under the soft fold of skin where the inner labia came together. In a moment her body twisted and squirmed almost uncontrollably under the brisk pressure of his finger and she gasped with pleasure.
After a while he put his finger back into the opening again and she seemed content to have him do that. His own penis was painfully erect again, but he hardly dared think about the possibility of putting it into her, and he was still obsessed with the desire to see what her organ looked like. Finally he told her this and asked if he could look at it sometime.
"Maybe in the morning, Ben. Just for a minute right after Momma calls us and then shuts the door again."
After a time drowsiness overtook them both and they fell asleep. Ben had another nocturnal emission that night, and the thought of actually having intercourse with Ella came into his mind.
They were called in the morning, and the door was closed again so they could get up and dress. Ben nudged Ella to remind her of her promise. She blushed, but whispered.
"All right. Look."
He pulled the covers down and sat up. She moved her legs apart and he fastened his eyes on the object he had been so curious about for so long. The hair around it was not very long yet but it showed promise of coming in thick and profusely, and Ben was completely fascinated by the rose petal shape of the delicate little inner lips and the funny little bump under their fold where they came together at the top.
He reached over and slipped his finger into it again and made the coital movements until she squirmed.
"Stop it, Ben. Momma will be coming in here again."
He moved his hand reluctantly away and watched the flash of her naked little buttocks as she slipped out of bed and retreated behind the screen to dress.
He could hardly wait for night to come again, but it finally did, and supper was over and their homework done and it was bedtime.
They crawled into bed and this time he did not pretend to wait until she was asleep, but immediately reached his hand toward her crotch and found her vagina exposed to his touch again. He teased it with his finger again, rubbing her cli toris as she had instructed him the night before, but he had made up his mind that their play was going to go much farther that night than it had gone before.
His penis had become erect almost before he had finished undressing for bed, and after he had touched her for a few minutes it was throbbing urgently and almost painfully.
"Ella," he whispered, "I'm going to do something!"
He moved over and got his knees between her legs and stretched out on her. Lifting his body he reached down and took his penis and groped with it until he succeeded in bringing it into contact with her vagina. He felt the delicious thrill as it began to enter the moist opening, and he was trembling violently by the time he had thrust its full length into her.
He was much older before he ever learned that girls have hymens and that the first intercourse is difficult and painful unless the hymen is broken artificially before it is attempted. He never did. question Ella as to why he was able to achieve full penetration with such great ease, but during the course of the separate interviews with them Ella admitted that she had been masturbating for some time before Ben touched her and that she had broken the hymen herself with some object she had inserted into her vagina in her own experimenting.
Ben was only able to make a few coital thrusts before ejaculating. When this occurred he could only cling to her and let the fury wear itself out.
When it was finished he simply lay on her, tired, but filled with the thrill of it, and enjoying the sensation of the throbbing of his penis, still buried in her vagina.
He had no idea whether he should withdraw from her and go to sleep, or continue making the coital movements. He tried the latter, but found that they were painful to him. Still he was so intrigued by his discovery of sexual intercourse that he was reluctant to withdraw. Being young and healthy, he soon found that only a few minutes of rest were needed before his erection became as strong as before and it was no longer uncomfortable to resume the coital movements.
Resume them he did, and with much more vigor than before. Fortunately the bed was not one which squeaked, for the sheer energy of his onslaught would certainly have awakened their parents if the bed had been noisy.
As young as she was, Ella responded enthusiastically to his thrusts and actually experienced an orgasm of her own before he reached his again.
Sexual intercourse became a regular feature of bedtime for them after that. They only waited until the house was quiet and they were reasonably certain that their parents were asleep before beginning, and they seldom stopped before Ben had ejaculated twice or more.
Sharing this secret seemed to cause them to draw even closer to each other than they had been before, so that they were inseparable during the day at school, and they excluded all others from their intimate little circle. No one seemed to think much of it, attributing it to their mutual defense against a world which poked fun at their homeliness, and their own lack of social grace.
Incest was such a repugnant thought in their community that no one even considered that Ben and Ella lived in a climate of social exclusion which made it almost inevitable. And neither Ben nor Ella considered it as anything but a highly satisfactory solution for their social problems.
Ben was sixteen when it finally occurred to his parents that both he and Ella were really getting much too old to be be sharing a bed together. There was an old shed out back of the house which had been used for storage. One summer they cleared out an accumulation of junk, carted it off to a dump, scrounged a bed and installed it, and moved Ben out there. A week went by without the nightly sex ritual and Ben missed it, but couldn't devise any scheme for spending enough time in Ella's room to pick up the relationship again.
On the following Saturday afternoon their parents both went into the town to do the necessary shopping and visiting and Ben was left to mow the yard and Ella to do some housework. Ben finished a small yard in a very short time and went into his shack to stretch out on his bed and rest for a time. He heard a noise and glanced up to see Ella enter.
Her face was flushed and she looked tense.
"Ben, I can't hardly stand it at night by myself! Do it to me-right now!"
She flung herself on his bed beside him and pulled her skirt up. Ben sat up and looked down at her. She was wearing no panties and her vagina was naked and ready for him. He touched it and found it wet and sticky. He could even see the ooze of her lubrication, and the lips were red and swollen with the intensity of her passion.
His own desire flamed up. He bared his penis, mounted her swiftly and plunged it deeply into her. Her passion was so intense that he could only cling to her for the next few moments while she moaned and thrashed them both to their orgasms. Then he was able to take charge and as soon as his erection came to flower again he went vigorously about satisfying her terrible need for him.
Before their parents came back they made some adjustments to the screen of her window so she could slip out of the house at night and come to him.
And slip out she did, every night-even that very night after having had her passion satisfied during the afternoon. Ben had not expected her. He was half asleep, but he had been thinking about sex and his penis was erect. He didn't hear her silent approach, and was first aware of her when he did hear the rustle of her night gown as she came through the door.
As she got on the bed with him her hand brushed against his erect penis. The touch of it brought her desire to an instant flame. Instead of waiting for him to take the initiative, she moved over him and dropped to her knees so that her calves paralleled his body and her crotch was directly over his reaching penis. Guiding with her hand she speared her vagina with the glans penis and lowered her body so that the phallus sank deeply into her.
A long sigh escaped her, then she bent forward and shoved her hands under his shoulders, and began to pump her hips up and down as fast as she could make them go, fairly whimpering with excitement.
Ben stated that it was at this time that he first wondered if Ella had been born with more than her fair share of need for sexual intercourse. The insatiable demand of her passion surprised him even at an age where much is taken for granted, and in circumstances when ignorance is so complete as to make un-likely the posing of the question.
He eventually learned that the depth of her passion had a direct relationship to the depth of her need for social acceptance. When that was denied her-or when she thought it had been denied her-she sublimated it with sexual gratification. This information did not come to him, however, until he was several years older and their relationship was forced by events into a radical change.
For the next two years their incestuous relationship continued unchecked and unobserved. Both of them were physically mature now, and both had learned enough about sex to be aware that sexual intercourse is the procedure by which babies are conceived. It had not happened, nor did it happen. They talked about it once, briefly, then forgot it. Again, it was several years before they found out that Ella would need some surgery in order to make it possible for her to conceive.
During the next year Ella managed to get a copy of a sex manual. They read it together on Saturday afternoons while their parents were away, and experimented with most of the various positions possible. This was about the only point upon which they did not agree.
Ella found that she enjoyed sex the most when they accomplished it with her crouched on the bed on her knees, her head turned sideways on a pillow and her rump in the air. Ben would approach her from the rear, on his own knees, and would make the insertion from the kneeling position. Ella almost always had an orgasm within a few seconds of the insertion, but Ben disliked it because looking at her naked buttocks and watching his own phallus surge in and out during the coital movements always overstimulated him and his ejaculation occurred much sooner than he wished it to.
When Ben was nineteen the event occurred which brought an end to their relationship, at least for a time. Ben's draft board sent him one of the famous letters beginning with the word "Greetings."
Ella was so distraught about his leaving home that he half expected that their parents would guess at what had been going on, but they did not, and only assumed that Ella was grief stricken because they had always been so "close" during their childhood.
Ben was sent to a training camp just outside of New Orleans, Louisiana. He was shy, at first, expecting his physical unattractiveness to make the familiar old social problems for him in his new life too. To his delight he found that it did not. Army uniformity submerged him in a mass which did not have a sufficient gap from the least to the most, from the ugliest to the most handsome, to make anyone a standout. In fact there were plenty of young men no more handsome than himself.
He began to sense that being separated from Ella was a good thing-at least for him. He began to look back on their relationship with a feeling of shame, though his libido was as strong as ever, and it fed on the continual rough and bawdy barracks room humor.
He formed several friendships, but the soldier he seemed to draw more closely to was a lanky recruit named John. John was about as homely as Ben, his most conspicuous feature being a large nose with a wart on his forehead directly between his eyebrows so that his nose always looked like an inverted exclamation mark.
After a couple of weeks of intensive drill they were allowed passes and they went into New Orleans, ostensibly to give the southern city the once-over, but really to see if they couldn't do something about the urgent libido which plagued them both.
They had a swift look at Canal street, then found their way to the French quarter, and a bar. It was quite early in the evening, but not too early for girls. There were several of them and they were obviously looking for men-especially soldiers. Ben and John picked out a couple of dusky ones who were of obvious Cajun origin. Buying a drink was the expected thing to do, as well as providing an easy and natural opening gambit.
The girls were named Yvonne and Babette, and Ben found himself coupled with Yvonne. After a few drinks, they went to a French restaurant, ate at tables in an open courtyard-letting the girls select from the menu for them since neither of them could read it-and finally went to a dance for a time.
None of them really had any illusions about the evening being anything but a sex quest, and since the desire was easily communicated by hands and bodies during the dancing, it was not too late in the evening before one of the girls suggested that they all go to the apartment the two of them shared where they could all be much more comfortable.
The apartment was in an ancient stucco and tile building which looked like it might have existed for over a hundred years. They climbed up outside stairs with a wrought iron banister and walked along a balcony with an intricate railing of the same wrought iron, and were greeted by the scuttling retreat of a cockroach when they entered the apartment.
Babette chased the cockroach down with much laughter and did it in, then the girls retired to their bedrooms to get comfortable. When they came out, in filmy negligees, it was obvious that they were comfortable, for there was little to cause any feeling of constriction, and they looked much cooler, too, in the muggy warm air of the Southern night.
Ben and John had their ties off by then, and their shirts open. They fixed drinks from a bottle the girls had, and then John and Babette began to dance.
Ben considered that enough money and time had already been spent, and he was sure Yvonne knew what was expected of her, so he simply pulled her to him on a sofa and began to kiss her. She was an avid petter, he found, and in a moment her tongue was in his mouth and the warm blast of air from her nostrils tickled his cheek.
He returned the kiss with interest, and got his hand inside her negligee to explore her breasts. He had never wished to do that to Ella, but the touch of Yvonne's large, silky soft breasts, and the saucy jut of the hard little tips set his blood singing with hot desire.
She giggled as he handled them and made no effort to stop him. He leaned back on the sofa and pulled her with him so her body was sprawled on top of him. This made it possible for him to reach under her, pull the front part of her negligee up without exposing anything in the sight of John and Babette who were still dancing, and get his hand into her crotch.
She had a tremendous mass of curly black hair down there and he let his fingers play in it for a moment or two before he touched her vagina. He found it very moist and ready and his finger slipped into it easily. Yvonne giggled again and pressed herself closer to him.
He worked his finger in and out briskly for awhile, feeling the labia grow wetter and wetter to his touch. Then he pulled his finger out, put it into contact with the clitoris and rubbed it vigorously for a time while Yvonne squirmed and gasped and seemed about to go out of her mind with delight.
"I think we'd better go into your bedroom," he whispered to her finally, "unless you want to let them watch while I make love to you."
She giggled and got up and pulled at him. He followed her into her bedroom, pausing only long enough to wink at John. Yvonne shut the door and stood smiling at him.
Ben grinned back at her and pulled the negligee off her. The impudent jut of her generous breasts with their large red aureoles, and the profusion of black hair in her crotch caused his desire to boil over suddenly. He snatched his own clothing off and, stark naked, pulled her to the bed and flung himself on her.
A long moan escaped her lips when he rammed his painfully erect penis into her, and he felt her hips surge upward to engulf it completely in the hot moist interior, and then she matched the violence of his coital movements with her own threshing hips until he felt the sudden delicious shock of his orgasm and felt the soothing spurt of his semen into the Cajun girl's writhing body.
They rested then for a time, his phallus still jutting into her, and listened to Babette's squeal as John entered her in the next room, and to the energetic squeaking of the bed springs as they made love.
Desire stirred again before long, his penis stiffened and extended once more into the hot wet depths, and her hips began to roll. Ben lost track of his ejaculations before they became exhausted, but when he finally withdrew from her his mat of pubic hair was sticky with the combination of lubrication from her organ and the quantity of semen which had been forced out of it by the vigorous pumping action of his own organ. He beat John to the shower, then waited for him to clean up, and they went back to the camp, tired but pleased with themselves.
As he went to sleep that night Ben couldn't help thinking that having sex with a strange girl was more exciting and satisfying than having it with his sister.
Another month went past. He and John visited the two Cajun girls as often as they could and received the same sensuous and completely cooperative welcome each time. Ben was beginning to feel some affection for Yvonne, even though he realized that as soon as the outfit alerted and moved on somewhere else she would find another soldier and continue as enthusiastically with him.
Then Ella came to visit him. She came into New Orleans unannounced, got a room at a hotel, and called him at the camp. Ben was homesick for contact with his family and he was delighted to hear her voice, but as he went into town alone that night on pass without John he had some misgivings. He knew Ella was going to expect to have sex, and he was not really willing now.
He was not wrong. She kept out of sight behind the door when he entered the room, and closed it to reveal that she was naked. She flung her arms around his neck and kissed him and cried "Oh, Ben-I've missed you so much!"
In spite of himself he felt the old familiar desire course through him at the touch of her naked flesh, and he knew that she could feel the sudden bulge in his trousers where her belly pressed against him. She looked up into his face, pleadingly, and asked in a whisper: "Ben-can we? Right now?"
Ben hesitated, but only for a moment actually. He had thought a lot about their relationship since he had been drafted, and he had begun to grasp the concept of how it had started, and why it had continued. He was no longer self-conscious about his homeliness. It was not hard for him now to realize that it was not the problem he had once thought it.
But he knew that Ella had not even begun to sense that. To her they were still the ugly ducklings, secure only when they were with each other, and thoroughly happy only when he gratified the urge which she substituted for the normal urge for social acceptance. She still needed him, and he could not deny her-yet.
She hurried over to the bed and flung herself down on it, spreading her legs to welcome him.
The sight of her waiting vagina stirred his passion much as it had always done, even though she was not as voluptuous a female as Yvonne. Her pubic hair was scanty compared to Yvonne's luxuriant growth, and her vagina was small and thin lipped when compared to the generous orifice with which the Cajun girl was equipped.
Nevertheless, Ben took his clothes off, lay down upon Ella and rather dutifully thrust his penis into her. He felt sorry for her when her reaction betrayed the two months of dreadful loneliness she had suffered. He admitted that he enjoyed the sensation of sexual contact with her again, but it was now tinged with guilt and knowledge that it was wrong, and he continued it and brought it to fruition without feeling a sense of satisfaction.
After Ella had satisfied the first terrible pangs of her loneliness and need she began to sense the change in him. After he had withdrawn from her and they were resting side by side on the bed she turned troubled eyes on him and asked:
"Ben-what's the matter? Aren't you glad to see me?"
He took her hand and squeezed it.
"Of course I am, Elly! I'm as pleased as I can be-I've been real homesick for you, and for Mom and Dad. I guess I've grown up a little and found out a few things I didn't know before."
Her voice was still troubled.
"What have you found out, Ben?"
"Well, for one thing, that brothers and sisters aren't supposed to have sex with each other."
Ella looked defiant.
"Well, I guess that's what people say. I don't see why, if they like to. Who is hurt by it?" Ben thought for awhile.
"I think likely they are, Elly. Sooner or later it's going to seem wrong. Maybe just because everybody thinks it's wrong. When they realize that-well, then they are stuck with knowing that they've been doing something wrong."
"I still don't see what is wrong with it."
"Well, look at it this way," Ben said. "Someday you'll get married." She started to protest, but he interrupted: "Sure you will. How are you going to feel when you go to bed with your husband for the first time?"
"I don't care!" There was a trace of panic in her voice. "So no one is going to have me anyway!"
He squeezed her hand comfortingly again.
"That's another thing I've learned, Elly. Just because we weren't born looking like movie stars is no sign we're total washouts. I'll bet if we hadn't just stuck together like a pair of scared ninnies all the time we were kids we'd have gotten along a lot better with the rest of the kids, and had a lot of fun in school, too."
"Ben, you know they poked fun at us all the time!"
He shook his head.
"Not really, when you think about it. They did when we were real little. I don't remember anyone ever saying anything about us being ugly after we got up around the eighth grade or thereabouts. Do you-to really tell the truth?"
She was silent for awhile.
"I guess not, but I thought they would any time, and that was almost as bad."
"Well, probably," Ben agreed. "But the point is you can't run all your life. I was scared when I came into the Army, too. I'm just as homely as I ever was, but so are a lot of other guys. Nobody ever says anything to me about it. I get along fine-and it's fun to really get to know a lot of people."
He turned on his elbow and looked into her face.
"You're going to have to learn to do it, Elly.
You're a woman now. You've got to learn to enjoy life and make the most of what you've got."
"Ben, I'm scared except when I'm with you. And now you're scaring me too!"
She flung her arms around him again and pulled him close. Almost mechanically he realized that he had an erection. Realizing that she was genuinely frightened and needed comfort, he rolled over on her and let it slide into her again, but this time he simply left it inserted to its full length and did not immediately begin the coital movements.
He continued to talk to her, describing his army life, pointing out the satisfaction he had obtained from enlarging his social horizons, and encouraging, her to believe that her own situation was not hopeless.
Even as he began thrusting slowly in and out of her, he made her realize that their incestuous relationship was going to have to cease, and that she was going to have to make the first steps. Before he permitted her to build to an orgasm again, he persuaded her to accept a date with John as soon as the two of them could get passes. John was homely enough himself that Ella would not feel at a disadvantage with him, and Ben hoped this would provide the impetus she needed to strike out on her own.
As he rode back to camp that night he decided to plant the thought in John's mind that Ella was not against the idea of having sex with a man she liked. Perhaps that was what she really needed. After all his first night with Yvonne had opened his own eyes to a new outlook on life.
It has seemed necessary to dwell rather exhaustively on the situation which confronted Ben and Ella, because it is far more common than most people realize. It is true that it may have continued far longer into the mature stages of their lives that might be the case in many other brother and sister relationship, but upon the other hand there are such relationships which last through the entire lifetimes of the individuals involved.
Ben and Ella were fortunate that circumstances in the form of the military draft did intervene and create a new set of circumstances in which the relationship was severed long enough for a new pattern to develop.
Suffice it for this purpose to say that Ella did have the date with John, they did become intimate, it did open her eyes to a new horizon, and it did result in a romance which finally culminated in their marriage.
It would be pleasant if the story could be dropped at that point with a happy ending, but if it had been true, the research team would never have turned up such a classic example of the psychological dangers inherent in incest.
Ella loved John deeply, but the early relationship with Ben did prey upon her mind and she suddenly became almost completely frigid-an amazing development when the degree of the passion she exhibited with her own brother is considered.
Realizing the seat of the change, she sought the help of a competent psychiatrist, and it was through him that she and Ben were induced to reveal the facts of their relationship. At the time of the interview Ella was well along in her counseling, and was beginning to achieve results.
Ben appears to have been the more emotionally stable of the two, and seems, as of this reporting, not to have suffered any deep scars from the experience. Yvonne was only a passing fancy after all. He finished his military service, went home, finally married one of the local hometown girls, and seems to have settled into a quietly satisfactory way of life.
He is lucky. The lack of early education and social adjustment could have worked a disaster in his life.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Most of the case histories discussed thus far in this volume have been presented in considerable detail because it was possible to talk freely with the individuals involved, and in most cases they were anxious for some good to be derived by someone from knowledge of the unhappiness which they suffered. There were, however, a number of cases where the research team had to work around the individual involved and obtain the information from other sources.
One such case, that of a man whom we shall refer to as Ralph, the original information came from a prostitute he visited with some degree of regularity, and the balance of the information was gathered by discreet questioning of relatives, old friends, ex-teachers, and the examination of old records.
Ralph was born in, and grew up in, a small town in the midwest. It was a county-seat town, enough larger than the surrounding rural villages to provide not only a much larger shopping variety for the housewives of the community, but also a certain amount of vice for the males.
In short, there was a whore house on one of the side streets where the Madam kept two girls, and did at one time rotate them from time to time, bringing in fresh stock from a nearby large city now and then. Business had never been particularly brisk, and she had finally settled upon two rather young girls and at the time the research took place both of the prostitutes had been there for ten or more years and were in their late twenties. Both had an amazing amount of information concerning many of the town's males.
One of them, whom we will call Eva, was asked concerning the habits of her customers, and particularly with respect to any of them which she would consider to be particularly unattractive in appearance. She mentioned Ralph.
At this time Ralph was perhaps forty-five years of age. He served the community as a rural mail carrier, driving his auto from the county seat along a rural road, delivering mail to the patrons along that road, and finally delivering to the post office in one of the small villages at the terminus of his roate.
He had been born in that town of a marriage which rather quickly broke up after his birth. Neither of his parents had been handsome and poor Ralph seemed to have inherited all of the unpleasant features of both. He was overweight, and his face had a doughy quality about it which gave one the impression that his features could be changed simply by taking hold of them and twisting as one would modeling clay.
He had been ugly from birth and had been the subject of considerable ridicule from his contemporaries, with the exception of one boy with whom he had managed to maintain a reasonably warm friendship.
Ralph's father had not wanted children and his coming had placed an immediate strain upon the marriage, and it was not long before the father simply deserted them, disappeared and was never located. The experience left Ralph's mother embittered, discouraged and resentful, and she took out her moods on him after he got beyond the cuddly days of babyhood.
Their economic means were scanty. His mother took in washing and ironing and hired out from time to time to do house work and spring cleaning, but there was never enough money for luxuries and even necessities had to be of the most meager kind. Ralph's clothing had to be worn until it was threadbare, patches upon patches, and obviously too small for him. To get more wear out of it his mother bought most of it too large for him at first so he could grow into it and then on out of it before it was discarded.
He had his responsibilities and if he shirked them in the least she would scourge him most vigorously with a willow stick. He grew up cowed and with an inferiority complex which was probably justified, but no more bearable for that reason.
His friend told the researchers that Ralph had followed the usual pattern as far as his sexual instincts were concerned when they were boys. He had found that playing with his penis gave him a pleasurable feeling, and that after so much play it would become erect, and of course at that point he discovered the thrilling sensation of masturbation.
As deprived as he was of many of the small joys of life it seemed to Ralph that masturbation was certainly one of the pleasures he could indulge in to his heart's content. It could be done without assistance from anyone else and he could not see that it harmed anyone, including himself.
Unfortunately for him his mother had a strictly moralistic point of view, and by the time he had reached this age she nad begun to blame sex in any form for most of her troubles, feeling as she did that her husband had been interested in her only for sexual purposes. One day she came unexpectedly into his room while he was masturbating.
Ralph heard her as she entered and tried quickly to hide what he was doing. Unfortunately an erect penis is one of the most conspicuous objects in existence, and it defies normal efforts to get it back under clothing in an emergency. Ralph's mother saw it, realized what he was doing, began to scream hysterically at him, snatched a belt from his closet and began to beat him with it.
Instead of losing his erection, Ralph found that under the beating it only became more intense and after a few stripes he actually ejaculated.
Neither of them realized at the time that any profound effect had been achieved. She kept a suspicious eye upon him after that, but no form of vigilance is ever enough to prevent masturbation. Ralph had no problem in finding a time and a place to indulge in it, and having been denied the privilege now took perverse joy in doing so.
It was not until he got his first job as a handyman in the local creamery and was able to move away from his mother and have a small housekeeping room of his own in another part of town that he began to consider whether he might wish to attempt sexual relations with a woman.
Finally determining that it would be interesting, he saved his money, confided to his friend what he was going to do and later told him what had happened when he made the attempt. This was with one of the prostitutes who had preceded Eva by several years.
Ralph slipped into the whorehouse rather late one night, paid his money, chose one of the girls and went to the room with her. Both of them undressed and she lay down on the bed and spread her legs for him.
It was the first time Ralph had seen a naked woman, and he could only stare at her vagina in fascination. She looked at him with some impatience, he related.
"What's the matter, boy?" she finally demanded. "Didn't you ever see a pussy before?" Ralph shook his head and continued staring.
"Well get down and take a good look," she told him. "Maybe it will get you ready. It's late and the night is about over. I'm tired and would like to get some sleep. Go on and look, boy!"
He sat down on the bed at her feet and brought his face close to her crotch. His eyes drank in the sight of her curly pubic hair, the thick mound of the outer lips and the deep red and oily glistening of the delicate inner labia. He stared speechlessly at the dark recess of the deep cleft between them. He even touched it hesitantly and pushed his finger into the crevice, but his penis would not become erect.
Even when the whore seized it in her hand and began to masturbate him it remained stubbornly flaccid.
Finally she told him to go and get his money back and come back another time when he could perform.
The experience disturbed Ralph and it was several years before he went back again. As soon as he got home that night he found that just thinking about the appearance of her vagina would cause him to have an erection and he could masturbate. He could not understand why he could not perform with her.
He knew that his mother had warned him repeatedly about the dangers and consequences of sex, but he hadn't paid much attention to her advice on anything for some time, and he did not realize that her well-meant but poorly handled advice had set up a mental block in him with respect to normal sex.
Finally Ralph decided that it was time for him to try a woman again. He waited until late and slipped into the building. The Madam took his money and Eva took him to her room. He kept his eyes on her as they both undressed, thrilled at the revealed sight of her heavy breasts, and the smooth curve of her buttocks.
He trembled with excitement as she lay down and spread her legs and he had his second look at a vagina. He stared in fascination, but the same result occurred again. He did not get an erection. Eva was a much more patient prostitute, and she did not want to give his money back.
"We're going to have to do something about you, boy," she told him determinedly. "Something will get that stem of yours up. We've just got to find out what. Suppose you try kissing me on my little business down there."
Ralph's doughy features mirrored his shock.
"Don't worry about it," she snapped. "I just had a douche, and it's as clean as your mouth is maybe cleaner. Come on boy-gobble a little of it!"
Dutifully Ralph bent and put his face in her crotch. The woman smell was strong, but not unpleasant, nor did he mind touching his mouth to the hot, moist flesh of her labia. He even pushed his tongue into the crevice, but it did not achieve the desired result. No erection.
"All right," Eva said. "We'll try it the other way."
She pushed him prone on the bed and bent over him. Ralph was shocked when he suddenly found his glans penis inside her mouth and felt her tongue sliding around its sensitive surface.
He enjoyed the sensation but it did not produce an erection. After a few moments the girl stopped and looked up at him in some anger.
"You must be some kind of a nut, boy!" she exclaimed. "What's the matter with you-ain't I good enough for you?"
In frustrated anger she lashed out at him with her hand and gave him a stinging slap across his bare belly. Ralph gave a gasp of pain, but his penis thickened noticeably. The girl saw it and gave him a strange look. Suddenly she hit him several stinging slaps around his body, and Ralph felt his erection begin.
"I see," she said then. "You're one of those oddballs. Well, boy, I'll take care of you now!"
She got up and quickly snatched the belt out of his trousers. Ralph rolled around on the bed and tried to avoid her but she lashed him several times with the belt, not hard enough to raise welts, but hard enough to hurt and to make him gasp. He couldn't imagine why she was attacking him, until she suddenly stopped doing it and he heard her say:
"Well, that got the job done, boy. Do you want to get aboard now, or do you want me to beat you until you come uncorked that way?"
Ralph sat up and looked down at himself. His penis was stiffly erect. Eva lay down by him and pulled him on top of her. He was confused and dull witted and she had to reach down and take his penis and steer it into her waiting crevice.
Once inside, the moist heat of her flesh and the forbidden contact thrilled Ralph. He began to move his buttocks in instinctive coital movements and in a few moments felt his semen spurt into the hot recesses of her vagina.
Once the fierce excitement subsided he continued to lay on her, his now flaccid penis still buried in her, staring rather stupidly into her face.
"Well, now we know what your kick is, don't we?" she said in amusement. "It seems a shame to beat a nice dumb sort of a guy like you, but there's some kind of a kink in that fat head of yours which makes you like it. Are you going to come back again?"
Ralph nodded, dumbly.
"Fine," Eva said. "Now unless you think you can screw me some more right now, why don't you get off me? You're heavy and there may be somebody else downstairs who'd like a little crack at me before the night is over."
Ralph withdrew from her, got up and began to dress. She put on a robe, left the room and after a few moments he heard water running in a nearby bathroom. Before he was dressed she came in again and took off the robe.
He watched her, fascinated by the sight of her naked body, wanting to touch her but not daring, until she put on a simple little dress. Then he finished dressing and she escorted him downstairs and to the street.
Ralph went to her regularly after that. Their routine was unvarying. Once he was undressed, she would take the belt from his trousers and lash him with it until he was in a state of sexual excitement, but she would always stop before he actually reached the point of ejaculation, so he could get on the bed with her and have the sexual intercourse he had visited her for.
Eva, despite the hard, cynical nature of her profession was a woman of some depth of thought. In her years as a prostitute she had come into contact with various kinds of people-men with strange complexes. Most of them she regarded with contempt, but with respect to Ralph she felt only a deep sense of sympathy.
Over the years during which their periodic relationship continued, he had confided many things to her, and she was aware of the occasion when his mother had caught him masturbating and had beaten him until he had ejaculated on the floor before her. Eva knew that Ralph was never destined to find happiness in marriage-at least not until his complex had been exorcised from him. The nature of small town existance, the lack of any sophisticated medical or psychological assistance, and the very limited financial means available to Ralph, coupled with his extremely retiring nature, made it highly un-likely that he would ever be any different than he was.
Marriage seemed out of the question. No affectionate wife, certainly, could be content to beat her husband in order to have sexual relationships with him. Eva's cynical nature permitted her to do this without any pangs of conscience, but the deeper more thoughtful side of her made her regard it as a sort of mission of mercy, and she was able in some measure to justify her own way of life-reasoning that there were strange people in the world and that the profession of prostitution was the only source of gratification for some of them. She actually worried about the time when she .would no longer be available to Ralph.
It is difficult to speculate just what kind of a man Ralph might have been with the early training which will be recommended-and, hopefully, begun-as a result of the survey. Certainly Ralph was never destined to be a handsome man.
However, medical examination, available at no cost to him, could have determined the glandular reason for his obesity, and might have controlled it.
Financial help for both him and his mother during the time of their greatest need would have improved his appearance as far as his dress was concerned. The improvement in his appearance both as to dress and physically would have tended to give him a higher estimation of himself, and a greater feeling of confidence in his ability to relate to his fellow men.
Finally a course in social adjustment in school coupled with adequate sexual education would have been most likely to have smoothed life's paths for him and brought him into a normal social and sexual adjustment to the environment in which he lived.
While it is true that Ralph serves society in his job as a mail carrier no determination has ever been made-nor is likely to be made-of any special capacity or talent he may have. There is no reason to suppose that he will ever enter into a normal marriage, or father children, or contribute in any larger way to the growth and welfare of the human race. He will live out his life in his small niche unnoticed unloved-except for the strangely sympathetic prostitute named Eva and there will be none to bear his name or keep his memory alive when he is finally gone. Ralph is another monument to the waste of a vital human asset under conditions which can and should be avoided.
CHAPTER NINE
Most of the case histories described in this volume have been typical of anti-social sexual tendencies found in many physically unattractive people in that they have not been excessively abnormal or unusual. Instead they have seemed to be misdirected extensions of what otherwise might be considered normal or at most no more than slightly abnormal.
At the other end of the spectrum were encountered occasional examples of the more unusual form of sexual expression.
One such example was that of a young man whom we shall refer to as Jesse.
Jesse had a weak face with an underslung jaw and a vacant expression. Actually he was excessively imaginative and the blank look was an escape mechanism he had effected to discourage unwanted contact by adults.
Jesse's problem was that it worked too well and he eventually found that he was being ignored more than he really wished. At this point he also discovered that he didn't know what to do about it. He wanted to be noticed but he also wanted to be able to retreat from social activity as it pleased him.
The more he tried to think his way out of his dilemma the more confused he became and his final solution eventually embroiled him in an embarrassing situation.
Jesse noted that girls seemed to have less difficulty than boys in attracting the notice of other people and he also noticed that they seemed to be able to control the degree of contact to their own satisfaction. A girl might draw a series of wolf whistles as she walked down the street but the choice then became hers. Stop and respond or simply strut on.
Like so many of the homely children studied Jesse's parents were not especially interested in him. They furnished his roof his clothing his food and saw that he went to school. Beyond that he was on his own.
He was just past sixteen when he decided that for social purposes he could very well be a girl when he chose to. His physical form lent to the deception. His weak face when surmounted by a wig looked girlish enough. His legs were smooth and hairless and had a suggestion of femininity about them.
He used the small sum of money he was able to accumulate to acquire some female clothing-a dress, shoes, brassiere and false padding, and a cheap wig. He also purchased some make-up, lipstick and a bit of rouge and eye shadow.
His room had a separate entrance so that he was able to go and come as he chose. During this particular summer he would wait until dark, then don his feminine feathers and go down to the busier part of town and simply walk around. He practiced a girlish gait, and was completely delighted when he drew wolf whistles from boys on the street comers.
Jesse never realized that the satisfaction he received from this kind of attention was sexual in its nature. He simply regarded it as a means of drawing attention to himself which he could savor, then ignore and pass on by. He thought nothing of the fact that he was beginning to enjoy wearing girls clothing. He had originally worn boys shorts under the dress, but had finally bought a pair of silk underpanties, which felt very pleasant to him. So much so that he frequently wore them during the day under his male garb.
His masquerade came to an exciting climax one night when three boys began to follow him after he had smiled at them and walked on, ignoring their whistles. At first he thought little of it, but they were persistent.
They did not attempt to walk with him, but only kept pace a few steps behind him, and no matter where he went, they kept close to him. He even took refuge in a women's restroom for a time, but he felt acutely uncomfortable there, and was sure that every woman who came in would immediately recognize him for a male. His friends were waiting when he came out, and fell into step behind him again.
He worried more as the promenade went on, for he did not dare ask for help, or look for a policeman, for the fear of exposing his own rather unrealistic position. The fact that he did not make such an attempt did not pass unnoticed by his followers, and they took it to mean that the "girl" was not disturbed by their attention.
In desperation Jesse finally set off for home, walking rapidly. His route home took him past a school yard, and as he came opposite it the trio suddenly caught up with him, took his arms and led him into a shady area of the school yard.
"Don't get excited, baby," one of them grinned at him. "We think you're cute and we want to get better acquainted with you-don't we, boys?"
There was laughter, which Jesse suddenly found menacing, and nodding of heads.
They stopped him under a tree.
"Have you ever been screwed, honey?" the ringleader asked him, grinning. "We thought the way you strut that little ass of yours around town every night you might just enjoy a little old-fashioned gang-bang. How about it?"
Jesse shook his head and tried to pull away from them.
"Don't be bashful, baby," the boy said. "You could have put the fuzz on us a half a dozen times downtown, and you didn't. You kind of liked having us tag along. Now I think you'll like what we've got planned for you-"
A sense of desperation shook Jesse, and he did something he had never dared do before. He doubled up his fist and slugged the leader. Without the practice he might have had in a more normal and rugged boyhood, his aim was not so good. The blow he swung caught the other boy high on the cheek and raised an immediate mouse, besides knocking him to his knees.
It was a shocking surprise to the three, and it got Jesse loose for a moment. He turned and started to run, but this was one thing he had not practiced. His skirt interfered with the free movement of his legs, and after only a few steps, he tripped and fell.
They were on him immediately. The one he had hit was angry.
"You shouldn't have done that, doll. Now you're going to get it! Take her pants off, guys-I'm going to fit her out with a stiff cock!"
Jesse struggled desperately. He didn't know which horrified him the most-the sudden sight of the one boy's bared and erect penis, or the thought of losing his underpants and having his secret exposed.
They were stronger than he was, and bigger, and they were wary of the fist which he had swung so decisively a few moments before. Between the three of them, he felt his skirt jerked up around his waist, and in spite of his strongest efforts, his underpanties were suddenly jerked to his knees.
Suddenly the moment seemed to be suspended in time and to hang endlessly as the three boys stared at him, hardly able to accept that which their eyes assured them was another set of male sexual parts.
"I'll be damned!" one of them gasped.
Jesse would have wondered what came next, had it not transpired so quickly. A flashlight shed its merciless glow on them and a deep voice behind it let them know warningly that the police had arrived.
All of them were taken immediately down to the juvenile division at police headquarters and their parents summoned. Jesse's parents were as shocked as he was chagrined. The episode was recounted in the newspaper, though the names were withheld, and it became necessary for Jesse to be sent to a relative in another city where he lived until he finished his education and was able to get a job.
The research team had a difficult time tracking down this information, starting as they did from an accidental discovery of the news item. The information was finally released by the relative with whom Jesse lived after the incident, and only because the change of environment and the sympathetic attention and education this relative was able to bring into Jesse's life helped him to overcome the attitudes and instincts which were making a transvestite of him.
Much embarrassment and expense might have been spared had Jesse been able to have had this help at the stage in his life when it would have been the most useful and effective.
Sam's case history was more typical of children raised in a rural atmosphere-not that the causes and forming attitudes are basically differ ent-or that the remedy lies in another direction-but simply that the opportunity is more plentiful.
The interview which led the researcher to Sam's case was a routine one with a doctor in a small town in a middle-western state. The doctor was asked for any information he might have which would have bearing upon the theme of the research.
Sam, it developed, took care of a farm which the doctor owned outside of the town, and his peculiarity was not any particular secret, nor was Sam much ashamed of it. In fact he was rather proud of it, and not reluctant to discuss it at considerable length.
Sam, like the other people whose case histories nave been discussed here, was an ugly child. There was a sort of primitive look about him, a prehistoric outward thrust of brow, and an excessive hairiness which went with it. Deep-set eyes of a savage quality, and the most unkind disadvantage of a cleft palate. Sam found school so miserable that he just simply quit as soon as he could and spent his time on the farms around.
He was a good worker, and had a way with animals, which he lacked with people. With all of this he had strong sexual impulses and sufficient wisdom to recognize that he was un-likely to find any girl of a disposition to satisfy them for him.
He described without any evidence of shame his first sexual experience, and admitted that he still resorted to the same kind of activity. He had made a pet of a Jersey calf, a female one, and was feeding it one day when he was obsessed with the idea of examining the heifer's sexual parts. Since the calf was busily feeding and was not in the least frightened of him, he walked around behind it, and with his fingers, spread its vagina open so that he could look at the smooth red flesh of the interior.
As he looked he became conscious that his penis had become erect. Without really thinking it out, or considering whether it was acceptable or desirable or not, he unbuttoned his pants, took it out, stepped close to the calf and introduced it into the animal's vagina.
He related that it gave him a very pleasant sensation. The flesh was hot to his touch, very moist and smooth, and the calf stood patiently while he made a few experimental coital thrusts. The idea excited him, and the sensation was such that he ejaculated rather quickly.
He knew instinctively that he would be punished if he were caught at what he was doing, and the desire left him as soon as he had ejaculated, so he left the calf's pen then and finished doing his chores. Before he was through with his work, however, his mind began to relive the experience, and to take satisfaction in it. In a few moments he was walking through his work with another surging erection.
He went back to the calf pen, climbed inside, petted the animal until it stood quietly, then went behind it and inserted his penis into it again. This time he was able to thrust in and out for some time, exulting in the thrilling sensation, before the sudden shock of ejaculation came again.
From that evening on, he satisfied his sexual desires with the farm animals, using calves, cows, young female colts, a goat which was kept for a milk animal for some of the Doctor's unusual cases, and the sheep.
"The sheep is the best," he told the interviewer candidly. "You look at a ewe's cunt and you'll see it looks a lot like a woman's cunt. About the same size and all."
"If you know what a woman's vagina looks like," he was asked, "you must have had some experience with one."
Sam nodded.
"Went to a whore one time," he admitted. "I figured fucking animals is so much fun it might be more fun to fuck a woman. Would have been, too, if she hadn't kept looking at me that way."
A little further questioning brought the whole story out. Sam had saved up a few dollars, enough to meet the price of the local whore. He went late one night when she had just about closed shop for the evening and made his wants known. She had looked at the pathetically ugly face and had almost turned him away, but Sam was shrewd enough to have his money right in his hand so she could see it. Finally she agreed to the transaction.
She took him into a small room where there was a bed and a couple of chairs where clothing could be hung, and took her dress off. Sam gaped at her. He hadn't imagined that a dress could come off so quickly. Her brassiere came off with equal speed and she had no panties on. Sam stared at her generous breasts and at the mass of brown hair in her crotch.
"Come on, Sam," she said impatiently. "If you want to do some screwing get your clothes off and let's get on with it."
Sam fumbled his clothes off. His penis was beginning to get hard. She came over to him and took it in her hand. She peeled the foreskin back and then forward again, squeezing his penis as if she were milking a cow and watching the end of it carefully. By this time it was erect and firm.
"What did you do that for?" Sam asked.
"To make sure you don't have the clap or the syph," she said. "It looks all right Sam. What do you want, now-suck or fuck?"
"I want to stick this into you," Sam said. "Down there-" he pointed.
She sighed and got on the bed, on her back with her legs spread wide. Sam bent over her and examined her vagina for a moment or so, almost drooling with eagerness. It didn't look too much like any animal's sexual part, except that it did resemble in size at least that of the female sheep. He touched the delicate little inner labia with his finger, pushing them apart and probing the interior with the finger.
"Don't waste time poking around, Sam," she said wearily. "That thing has been hammered tonight until it's sore anyway. Just get on and get your gun off and get out of here. I'm tired."
Sam climbed on her then, felt her fingers take his penis again and guide it into her vagina. He thrust it in full length and lay for a moment enjoying the warm moist feel of the interior of her body. He glanced down at her and saw her looking at his face. The revulsion in her eyes was clear to him. He felt like getting up and running from the horrified eyes, but the excitement of being locked to her in coitus was too much to resist. He looked away from her and began to plunge in and out of her with vigor. She bent her legs, braced her heels on the mattress, and made her hips flash up and down and move in a small circle so that the friction of her hot moist flesh on his penis was tremendous, and it was only a few seconds until Sam felt his organ throb and the thrilling sensation as his semen spurted into her.
Almost before the last drops escaped he felt her pushing at him.
"That's it, Sam. You've had your money's worth. Get your cock out of me and beat it. I want to get some sleep."
He looked at her again and saw the same gleam of revulsion in her eyes. He got off slowly, took one long look at the parted lips of her vagina, now gleaming with her natural oils, and with a beginning trace of the whiteness of his semen as it seeped back toward the opening, then dressed and left.
"I couldn't stand the way she looked at me," he confided, his tone pathetic, "so I never went near a woman again. The animals don't know if I'm ugly or good looking, and they don't seem to mind when I fuck 'em. In fact we got one sheep I'm pretty sure likes me to. She don't even kick any more when I catch her. Sometimes I don't even have to tie her up. You want to take a look and see how much a ewe's cunt looks like a woman's?"
Sam's school records were checked and it was found that he was not a stupid child. He had been able to comprehend his lessons, and had made reasonable progress while he had attended. His problem was that he had enough sensitivity about him to be conscious that people either did not want to look at him at all, or were so fascinated by his extreme ugliness that they could not take their eyes from him.
In either event Sam was conscious of their inner thoughts, and he had a constant desire to flee from it. Companionship with the animals seemed to be the logical answer, and sexual contact with them was the inevitable result.
It is not to be implied here that farm boys do not experiment sexually with animals unless they have some deep rooted compulsion such as Sam had. Many of them do so experiment, but progress on to normal man-woman relationships and discard any desire to have contact with an animal as maturity approaches.
Sam's physical ugliness could not have been eliminated, but surgery could have alleviated it to some degree. Some financial assistance could have corrected his dress, and social training for him, and for his peers, might well have made his early scholastic environment tenable for him, and made possible a normal maturing process.
We have reviewed here a number of cases which had illustrated the depth of unhappiness and tragedy which can result to the individual and to his kin and his contemporaries-even to his posterity-when he fails to make an adequate social adjustment. While this study has been confined to the particular problems which belong to the physically unattractive, the problem of social adjustment is not confined to this class of humanity, but touches all humanity and the warp and woof of all social contact.
The research project has not been completed yet, and all conclusions which will develop from it are not available at this time, but one which has become apparent is that education in social adjustment is most likely to transcend even the importance of sexual education in the formative years, and that school systems all over this nation should be preparing for the initiation of this type of education. Text books are needed, and teachers must be qualified to present the instruction. The public must be brought to an awareness of the need, so that money can be made available for the program.
Human nature tends to respect the status quo. Any new development in educational processes is greeted with suspicion and resistance, even openly hostile resentment. Economy drives usually attack the new and relatively untried.
However, as our society grows more complex, as ever greater premium is placed upon appearance, the greater the strain grows upon the individual. The child is subjected to an influencing environment now more than ever before. Where there was once time to sit and stare at space and meditate, there is now television, sports programs, Church programs, Municipal and Park programs, and an ever increasing load of technical knowledge to be assimilated than ever before. The study burdens placed upon a high school student are heavier now than those placed upon a college student a few years ago.
Still children are flung into the programs much as our pioneer ancestors taught their children to swim years ago-simply by seizing them and flinging them into the water. The strain manifests itself in unnecessary failure so often. Study the statistics on drop-outs; on burgeoning juvenile delinquency; on resort to narcotics; on increasing alcoholism among young adults; a growing resentment of social pressure reflected in resentment against law as personified in the police officer, and then regard the growth of the entertainment industries which represent escape hatches from the complexities of society.
Is it possible to come to any other conclusion than that children need preparation to cope with the pressures around them? Is it possible to imagine that any child who labors under the added handicap of ugliness is going to experience anything other than an intensified feeling of pressure?
American society still has enough Victorian instinct about it to make the instigation of sex education in schools a controversial matter. However strides have been made in this direction and more progress is due.
The concept of social adjustment preparation is somewhat newer, and will undoubtedly meet with resistance too. It is a part of the entire program, however, and must be accepted and implemented. You who read this book are now in a position of clearer understanding, and you can press for these programs as they are introduced in your community.
Availability of medical services and govern mental aid in bringing them within reach of those who cannot afford them has also been subject to progressive forward movement in recent years. This progress is expected to continue, but the people who most need it will need to be made aware of their own need, and motivated to obtain it. Thus we seem to come back inescapably to the conclusion that education in social adjustment is the foremost need, and that sexual adjustment, and physical and mental improvement will be logical extensions from it.
Your interest and approval is needed now in the beginning of the drive to eliminate the tragedy and unhappiness of ugliness and social maladjustment from the American scene.
