"We kissed for what seemed forever, then I felt his hand on my thigh. I wiggled a little so that he could reach between my thighs.
"Touch my cock, Irene. Go ahead, play with it. Spread your legs a little more.... That's it. You aren't wearing anything under those things, are you ?'
"My hand started rubbing his dick as I parted my thighs. 'No, nothing,' I sighed.
"He pushed me away from him. 'Now get up and strip, Irene. I want a good look at you. I want to see if you really are a blonde. I want to see you without that white outfit. But keep those things on, the stocking things. Hurry up, Irene, honey.'
"I got up and turned down the lights, leaving one dim lamp lit. Then I went to work on the row of tiny buttons on my uniform. I'd bought the uniform before applying for this job, and now I wished I'd gotten one with a zipper. My fingers trembled as I undid the top, and I avoided Robert's eyes. Finally I was done, and half-turning I let the wisp of snowy uniform float to the carpet. I wore a white lacy bra and a pair of sheer white panty hose. Oh, and a standard nurse's cap on my short blonde hair. I didn't bother with that at all. Shivering, I undid my bra. It fell to the carpet next to my uniform. I turned slowly, giving Robert a good look at my tits. I was proud of them, and Tom had always been wild about them. They were high and full, small enough to never become sloppy, yet large enough to overflow any man's hand. My nipples were on the large side, but I have yet to hear a complaint about them.
"A real blonde,' Robert admitted slowly, his eyes glued to my crotch. The sheer panty hose were taut across my crotch, and the nest of buttery hair pushed through the mesh of nylon here and there. I started to remove the pants, but Robert stopped me.
"No, leave them on. You look cute with that hat and those stocking things. And those naked tits. Come here.' He held out his arms.
"I went to him, standing by the bed. His hand reached out and began to rub my pussy. I felt very naked in the tights, and very bold. I spread my legs, threw back my head, and let him play with my cunt all he wanted to. I was so caught up by the sensations in my body that I was taken by surprise when he replaced his hand with his face. All at once there was a wet tongue licking away at my crotch.
"Moaning, I clutched at Robert's head. His face was pressed hard against my cunt. I staggered back a step, but since that put me beyond reach of Robert's lapping tongue I moved forward again, eager for more. I wished the panty hose were off. They blocked his tongue from slipping up into my juicing hole. But he seemed to be doubly excited by the outfit. Then, as quickly as the tongue had begun its wild assault, it stopped. I was being pulled down onto the bed with Robert.
"Now suck me a little, honey. Suck me. Be a good little nurse and make this better. God, my prick is hard as a rock. Put it in your mouth, Irene. Go ahead.'
"Groaning, I allowed his strong hands to push my head down towards his lap. My pussy began to pound with a stronger urgency than before. He stopped pushing when his cock was a few inches from my lips.
"Suck it, Irene! Take it in your mouth! I know you suck cock! You were damn near licking your sexy lips when you were looking at it before____Lick it, honey____'
"I moaned and, propelled by a desire stronger than shame, I began to lick the head of his cock. I ran my tongue around the underside of his prick, licking harder when I felt him begin to shudder.
"That feels good! Now take it in your mouth. Suck on it!' Robert moaned, pressing down again on my head.
"My heart was pounding against my ribs as I allowed my lips to part. Robert's lovely prick slid into my mouth slowly. I felt a shock go through my pussy as I took the whole head in my mouth and began to suck on it. It was exactly as if a finger were flicking my clitoris.
"Yes! That's the way! Take all of it in your mouth. Yes.... That's it.... More----'
"I felt my cunt begin to convulse as I took his entire prick into my throat. It was exactly as if his cock was lodged in my pussy, stroking me. Only better, because no cock had ever done to my cunt what Robert's prick was doing to me now. I gagged as I took every last inch of it in, but it didn't matter - I was coming, groaning against the hairy base of his belly, screaming silently inside as I spasmed without touching myself at all.
"Robert knew. He held my head tightly to his belly and seemed to fight against having an orgasm of his own. 'My God! I knew you loved it!' His hand touched the absurd little cap, still pinned to my hair. 'That's the kind of nurse I needed ... yes.... You'll fix me good, baby. Real good...
"I eased up a bit as my spasms passed. His cock was harder than ever. I began a slow, experimental flickering of my tongue up and back across the shaft, then wrapped it around his prick. Moving faster, I began to suck him all the way into my mouth again. Immediately I felt myself growing excited all over again.
"Ohh ... that feels so good____I want to do it to you, too. I'm going to come, and I want to be eating that pretty little pussy of yours, Irene, when I do. Get naked, honey. Hurry.'
"Reluctantly I let Robert's fat prick slip out of my eager mouth. I stood up, stared at the glistening rod I'd been sucking, and began to pull down the white stockings. But he stopped me when they were to my knees.
"Come here, Irene. Leave them on like that.' His voice was thick. 'I've had nurses around me all my life, honey, but never anything like this. Never.'
"His eyes were glazed and his voice was as hypnotic as the staff between his thighs. I moved my eyes from his down to his prick, then up again. Then I started towards him.
"Robert watched me move, his gaze burning into my cunt. 'All my life I've needed taking care of, and only once in a great while was there a nurse who really understood my needs.' He grasped his cock tightly. 'This has been needing a woman's touch ... a woman's lips....'
"I moved to him quickly, instinctively knowing just what to do. I straddled his head carefully, my nurse's training restraining my movements so as not to disturb this special patient of mine. I arched myself over his torso, my face towards his groin, my pussy directly over his mouth. The rolled panty hose were obscenely stretched across his head. When I was firmly in position, I lowered my lips to his cock and pressed my cunt to his face.
"His tongue darted out and lapped at the trench between my furry lips. I bucked uncontrollably at the wave of ecstasy that rocked my flesh as the tongue worked further into my hole. I sighed weakly, then opened my mouth and sucked Robert's big cock into my hot, wet mouth.
"At first it was impossible to concentrate on both things at once. I would just get into the wonderful feeling of his thick prick in my mouth when the demanding tongue in my cunt would tease my tensed clitoris and that would drive all else from my mind. I felt as if I were strung out between two worlds, one of pure, ecstatic giving, and the other an Eden of taking. It was impossible to qualify them. But at last a flash of what Robert had said about the kind of nurse he'd been needing crossed my consciousness.
"There had been a reason why I'd gone into nursing in the first place, aside from the financial considerations, no small matter when you were Tom's wife. I had a real, a strong, need to mother, to care for others. A desire to give of the self in some personal way. And this was the way I was needed now, by Robert. Perhaps that was why I'd stayed with Tom so long, for so little real pleasure. He'd needed me as a receptacle for his hot come. But with Tom there had always been something so impersonal, so distant, like my cunt was a thing removed from me. But with Greg, and now with Robert, I was controlling the whole thing, taking him into my mouth to satisfy his needs, delicately and deliberately ministering to the desires of the man's most sensitive and immediate self. My reward would also be real, a hot spray of semen.... All of a sudden my eagerness for Robert's come to fill my mouth was uncontrollable. I began sucking him frantically, aware yet not concerned with the wonderful tongue-work in my cunt.
"Robert responded to the increase in my sucking by moaning into my wet pussy. He gripped my thighs tightly, and the fact that I would be covered with blue-black finger marks only increased my desire to suck him wildly. It was as if I'd been doing it for years, as if I knew from long experience exactly how to thrill a man with my mouth. I even knew exactly at what stage he was, knew precisely when his balls bunched up for the explosion, knew just when to suck all of him intc my mouth so that his boiling load could explode all over the inside of my throat____
"Robert ripped his face from my cunt and clutched me even more tightly. 'Oh! My God! I'm coming! Take it! I'm shooting in your mouth! Swallow it! Swallow my come!'
"I felt him shoot into my mouth, spray the back of my throat with his creamy juice. His cheek was pressed against my pussy, and just as my mouth filled with Robert's long-overdue ejaculation, I came again, a slow, thrilling orgasm which left me sobbing against his big balls, my mouth still dripping with come.
"When finally I was able to get up off the bed Robert was nearly asleep. He smiled up at me as I hastily dressed for my trip to the bedroom next door.
"That was wonderful, Irene. You're the best nurse I ever had. I'm going to need a lot more nursing. Every day. And night....'
"I covered his sleeping body tenderly and returned to my room, happy and a little tired. My life was happening so fast there was no time to reflect on it at all. But I had a job, and there was no doubt now that Robert would tell his father that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I clicked on the light in my room, a big smile plastered on my lips, lips which still tasted of come."
The foregoing, part of an actual case history related to us by a private nurse, is a not unusual example of the sort of sexual activity normally engaged in by those in the nursing profession. Even the frankness and detail with which it was related are common, rather than an exception, which might be expected, due to the psychological somatype of persons who become involved in medical work, especially nurses.
By its very nature, the nursing profession is one of openness and honesty, especially in the area of sexual intimacy and involvements;
Any woman who has made a career for herself in the nursing profession must, of necessity, have very few illusions about the human body or its functions, limitations, foibles or needs. The almost constant exposure to and handling pf the human body that is the everyday occupation of a nurse quickly eliminates any body or sex-modesty taboos that might have been instilled in the nurse as a child, the taboos that are so much a part of the normal member of our society. And, with death being an almost daily event in the life of a hospital nurse, and hanging over every patient who requires a private nurse, an almost cynical disregard for modesty and deep emotional involvement, physical, mental or sexual, is inevitable.
Fictional treatments of nurses, both in books and films, often show the nurse to be a compassionate and caring person, deeply involved with her patients. In actual fact, nothing could be further from the truth.
This isn't to say that nurses are unfeeling or undedicated to the work they have chosen to do. Quite the opposite. Dedication is a prime requisite for the nursing profession, without which no woman would be able to take the strain of this demanding job. What we are saying is that a nurse must not allow any emotional involvement with her patients to interfere with her work. In addition, the nurse is exposed, in the daily course of her work, to so much human suffering, so much mutilation and death, so many hopeless situations, that should she allow any emotional involvement she would soon become so psychologically disturbed that she would not be able to continue in this demanding line of work. A successful nurse must be able to develop a completely detached, uninvolved attitude regarding her patients.
The human female is, though, by her very nature, an extremely emotional creature, and this shutting-off of emotional response to her patients can be as psychologically harmful as allowing an emotional response unless there is some form of release. Most nurses find this release through complete sexual permissiveness.
Both in the normal large hospital situation and in private nursing, work loads make it quite difficult for a nurse to develop any outside contacts or fronds. It is not uncommon for a nurse in one of the metropolitan hospitals to work what is called a "snip's schedule," which is eight hours on duty, sixteen hours off, then back on duty again for another eight hours. This sort of schedule might continue for weeks at a time without a break in the routine other than the constantly changing shifts that are implicit in such a work schedule. For private nurses the work schedule can be even worse, from the standpoint of free time, since most private nurses "live in," and are constantly on call. Because of these parallel situations, the hospital nurse with her ever-changing shifts and the private nurse who is constantly on call, it becomes almost impossible for the nurse, especially a nurse who is new to the profession, to make any outside contacts which might lead to a stable emotional and sexual relationship.
Taken together, the explosiveness of bottled-up emotional responses and the rare and usually short periods of free time available to the nurse lead to sexual encounters within the doctor-patient-nurse social structure which are dedicated purely to physical gratification and emotional release, without any elements of personal involvement between the people concerned except on the most superficial and temporary levels.
The shallowness and temporary nature of any liaisons formed is not entirely due to the emotional and psychological makeup of the nurse, though. Much of the blame for the situation, if indeed there is blame to be placed, must be placed on the transient nature of the patients the nurses become involved with and the time-eating work loads of the only other men who have some semblance of permanency in their lives, the doctors.
Combining the emotional involvement only of the most transitory nature in hospital or private nursing sexual encounters and the knowledge and cynicism regarding the human body that is standard in almost every nurse, it is not surprising that the more esoteric forms of sexual release are prevalent. Forms of the sex act which have only recently begun to receive acceptance in contemporary society have been common for many years in the hospitals and in nurse-patient relationships. Chief among these forms of formerly unusual sexual release is oralism. The performance of fellatio and cunni-lingus.
Oral sexual practices have long been under a taboo in our Western society, and much of this rejection of oral sex acts can be traced directly to the Puritan ethic that was so strong in the founding fathers and early settlers in this country. Even the simple act of kissing on the lips was once considered to be an act which should not be performed in public, and there is an established direct relationship between kissing and oral sexual, relations. One is a direct progression from the other. It is interesting to note that, rather than retreat from the moral standards set by the Puritan ethic, some students of the expanding toleration of previously forbidden sexual practices have established a new standard: that it is permissible to think about these things, as long as you don't actually do anything. As Dr. Willard A. Mainord and Perry London said in their book Group Therapy:
To wish to do something against the moral code should arouse no guilt feelings unless the individual has reason to believe that he is already on the path toward a forbidden goal. To be more concrete, the sex-ridden puritan feels no guilt if he wishes he had a woman to take to bed but knows very well that he will not follow through. But the moralistic rake might feel guilt in a similar situation because he is probably already up and putting on his coat. The guilt is a matter of implicitly saying "I shouldn't do it, but I'm going to anyhow, if possible!"
In Europe, which has not been nearly so severely affected by the wave of puritanism that has run rampant across North America for the past century, oral sexual practices are much more accepted and condoned as a natural progression of preplay, to be followed by conventional sexual intercourse.
In America, though, oral sex has long been considered to be a "perversion," and it has only been in the last decade that such activities have begun to be accepted by some psychiatrists and psychologists as a normal form of sexual expression. It must be noted, however, that this acceptance has come after the fact, rather than before. That is, oral sex practices were becoming common in society while they were still being condemned by authority.
In finding the reasons for this acceptance of a formerly forbidden sex act, some researchers have theorized that the overall social conditions and climate, the decline of the closely knit society of the past, is the prime causative factor, in Morality and Mental Health, Dr. Frank A. Cizon, Director of Research at Loyola University's Chicago School of Social Work, states:
In both cases [the 1920s and today] you find young people rebelling against norms. In the 1920s, however, there were strong family ties, national ties and neighborhood ties. These were the norms that young people knew they could fall back on if they got tired of trying to rebel. Now we don't really have norms, a young person has nothing to go back to, and it shakes his security.
Today, many of the psychologists and psychiatrists who specialize in the study of human sexual behavior have become convinced that the addition of oral sexual practices to the more normal forms of sexual gratification is a great step forward in the establishment of a well-balanced relationship between a man and a woman. In many of the studies that have been made of sexual relationships that have proved to be unsatisfactory to one or both of the persons involved it has been determined that the most common causative factor is a lack of variety in the sex act. In other words, boredom, and the treatment of the sexual experience as a chore - a rote act - to be indulged in because it is "expected."
Even in situations which do not involve a permanent relationship between two people it has been found that the simple addition of oral sex acts, either as preplay or as an act leading to complete sexual gratification, is very likely to lead to a fuller emotional response and release, and corresponding emotional, mental, and physical satisfaction.
Psychologists studying the field have theorized that when a person progresses to the state of mental balance and freedom that allows sexual experimentation in the field of oralism, he or she has completely eliminated the guilt feelings that are instilled in childhood regarding sex, and is therefore much more capable of giving and receiving much more complete gratification from the sex act, whether the final act is of an oral nature or a more conventional sexual action. This is the reason why many behavioral scientists, psychologists, and marriage counselors are today advocating that persons experiencing sexual difficulties experiment with oral sexual practices.
In doing so, they have had to fight against the established taboos of the puritan ethic, and in the process they have had to change the very definition of "perversion." In the Textbook of Abnormal Psychology, Drs. Roy M. Dorcus and G. Wilson Shaffer state simply that i in perversions, the desire (felt by the individual) is satisfied by some process or materials which are not satisfying to most people.
How much better this definition is than the old standard, that a perversion is a "crime against nature."
Of course, we have already seen that there are members of the psychiatric and psychological ranks who do not agreee with the beneficial aspects of oral sexual practices. And, in studying the material gathered on the subject, we also found that there are some persons who apparently don't want to be caught in a fixed position on either side of the question of formerly forbidden sexual practices. An example is he who wrote, also in the Textbook of Abnormal Psychology:
Desires may be either excessive or deficient. Some confusion exists in determining whether the desire is abnormal or whether the gratification is abnormal. Some individuals may show an excessive gratification of a normal desire; this excessive gratification may lead to either an increase in desire or a decrease in desire. Non-satisfaction of the desire may result in (a) the abolition or reduction of the desire or (b) increasing the desire.
What he is apparently saying is that if you want something and you get it, you may want more, or you may want less. Then again, if you want something and you don't get it, you may want it even more, or you may forget all about it. That sounds like giving someone a "definite maybe" answer to a question.
To return to the central subject of oral sex practices in the nurse-doctor-patient situation, we find that there are several "special" factors which have led to the use of oral sex as a means of gratification and release.
Chief among them is, in the many cases involving nurses and their patients, that the patient is unable to engage in a normal sexual encounter, either directly because of his illness or because of a surgical wound which precludes normal sexual activity.
In many of the case histories which we have examined which revolve around nurse-patient relationships, there is considerable question as to whether the sexual gratification of the patient by the nurse was done merely from the standpoint of that gratification, for its own sake, or whether the nurse considered it to be an indicated part of the treatment of the patient. No doctor would, of course, prescribe an oral sex act as a form of medication, but nonetheless, some nurses claim that they have performed oral sex acts on patients in their care simply because they felt that the patient "needed it" for both his physical and mental well-being.
While we have no doubt that the patient, in many cases, did receive benefits that directly aided in his recovery by the administration of such acts, we are inclined to think that the statements made by the nurses that it was done as a treatment were mere rationalization on their part.
Whatever the reasons may be, the performance of oral sex acts, both as preplay and as complete sex acts leading to sexual gratification and release, is quite common both in hospitals and in private nursing situations. Much more common than in "outside" society, and more accepted as a normal and balanced form of sexual expression.
While the performance of oral sex acts has, as previously stated, become more and more accepted in today's society, and while contemporary psychologists and psychiatrists are encouraging the performance of such acts as a means of achieving sexual satisfaction and balance, we are inclined to wonder whether or not the performance of such acts in a nurse-patient relationship does come under the heading of "perversion," since it is utilized purely on the level of animal gratification, rather than as an emotional addition to a balanced relationship between a man and a woman.
Chapter One
Generous Mouth
"There's just something about helping people that gives me a warm feeling ... that I know I'm doing good ... and I guess as a nurse I do a lot of good. But I do special favors for those who I feel need them, sometimes. Saying it right out comes hard - but the truth is, I like to give sex to patients who I like and who I think really need it.
"Special sex. Mostly for men - males - and only once I gave it to a girl patient. That's going on now, actually - helping her. I'm not sure I like doing it with a girl, but she's very special. I'll tell about her later.
"I have to explain how it started. It was over a year ago, when I first came on duty in the hospital intensive care wing. I was only a few months out of nursing school. There was a darling fifteen-year-old boy in one of the private rooms. He had been climbing in the mountains and fallen off a cliff and broken both legs and both wrists, besides cracking some ribs. He had landed in rocks.
"His name was Davey W- and he had silky, pale blond hair, just like mine, only his eyes were gray-blue, and mine are more pure blue. I was assigned to him, and I took care of him, fed him his day meals, gave him his medication and bathed him every morning.
"Of course, he was in casts and all hung up with pulleys and counterweights and all. I had to give him a sponge bath every day, and two alcohol rubs.
"There was something about his being so helpless - so unable to do anything to anyone - that excited me. I could do to him. Girls don't often have it that way with boys, and men.
"I made jokes with Davey and was always cheerful, and I loved combing his hair and making him comfortable, changing the channels on his TV set____
"But it was giving him sponge baths that got to me - and him. Poor Davey. He was awfully embarrassed at first when I washed around his penis. He got an erection.
"I laughed and said it was perfectly normal and I wasn't offended. I said I was flattered. I had to wash it. That was fun. It was no danger to me. Davey had a beautiful white one that wasn't too long or too thick. It was ... well, it was the penis you'd imagine Michelangelo's David would have if he had an erection.
"I was fascinated by it, and by his small scrotum and the testicles inside. I washed them, too, every day, with the washcloth at first, then only with wet, soapy fingers and hands.
"It was very sensuous, handling Davey's organs that way. I got so I was actually teasing him ... putting my warm, wet, soapy hands on his hard penis, massaging it, moving the skin down to wash around the glans, and sliding my slippery hands up and down on it____
"His pubic hair was like curly silk, almost white, it was so blond. Like mine. But I don't let any males see mine. I'm still a virgin. I came close to getting myself raped a few years ago and I haven't been able to let a boy get close to me since then, physically or emotionally. I can't trust a male any more. Men are too strong ... and I'm too small a girl to fight them off when they get drunk or want to fuck me.
"I just don't let myself get into those situations, not any more!
"The time my inner life changed - I was giving Davey his morning wash, and I was gently handling his erection, slowly moving my hand up and down on it, when I happened to look up and saw the look of absolute agony in his eyes. My heart just sank because all at once I realized I'd been actually teasing him, sexually. His penis was as hard and stiff as it could get, in my hand, and he desperately needed to be relieved of all that accumulated tension.
"I was absolutely ashamed of myself. I said, 'I'm so sorry, Davey. I didn't realize....'
"I closed my hand tighter around his penis and began to pump it up and down faster. I didn't look at his face again while doing it for him. I heard him breathing fast, and I saw his belly and thigh muscles go tense. Then all at once a gasp was ripped from him and his beautiful, hard penis jumped in my flying hand and I learned he was developed enough to shoot semen.
"Those first three spurts went flying - onto his neck, onto the sheet, and one onto the cast of his right leg.
"He was gasping more and more, and more and more semen came spurting out, but not as hard or as far.
"I was amazed at how much he had stored up. And I realized I'd done the right thing. A teenage boy, confined to a hospital bed ... with all that sex tension building up and with his wrists and hands in casts....
"When the semen stopped coming out, and his penis got a little soft, I stopped pumping him and washed my hands in the metal pan of warm water I had brought in for his bath. Then I used the washcloth to wipe him all off.
"He thanked me and I said it was nothing, and that I should have done it all along. And I smiled and told him I'd do it for him every morning if he wanted me to.
"Of course, he did! He said later in the day, when I was giving him an alcohol rub, that he wished I'd do it again then. He could do it five or six times a day.
"I said I'd think about it. "That night I decided if I did relieve him, and calm him like that, several times a day, he'd be more likely to heal faster and be happier. That gave me a warm feeling. But later I dreamed of sucking Davey's penis. I saw myself washing it off good, then lowering my head and taking it deep into my mouth, and raising and lowering my head, faster and fas.ter____
"I woke up dizzy, my mind full of those images. And that morning, later, when I was masturbating him, I had a nearly irresistible urge to suck him. I found myself leaning forward and licking my lips.
"I didn't know where those sucking urges were coming from. I wanted to drink his semen. I wanted to suck him dry and keep him dry ... to make his testicles work and work and work to keep producing semen, and they'd never catch up.
"I had fantasies of Davey all haggard and weak from my sucking him off all the time. He couldn't stop me. I was a spider sucking the life out of him.
"Of course, I never have done it that much with a patient. I would never endanger his health! I'm a nurse! I'm just being honest about all my weird thoughts. I'm really convinced my special favors to special patients is a good thing for them. It's definitely unorthodox nursing practice! But I wouldn't do it if I didn't really believe it helped.
"It was a week after I started masturbating Davey that I first sucked his penis.
"That time is acid-etched in my mind.
"That particular morning I looked in the mirror when I was brushing my teeth ... with that white toothpaste mixed with saliva drooling off my lips ... and suddenly it seemed to be Davey's thick, syrupy semen.
"I stared at my lips and I remembered something I had forgotten years before. When I was a junior in high school a boy who'd tried to make me and failed said angrily, to get even, 'You've got awfully thick, fleshy lips, Judy. I'll bet there's a nigger in your family's woodpile somewhere.'
"I'd been self-conscious of my mouth for months.
"That morning, looking in the bathroom mirror, I saw my lips in a special way ... full, sort of pouty and sexy, ripe and juicy and hot - wrapped around Davey's stiff white penis.
"At work I couldn't shake that image. I guess I knew I was going to do it. I had a funny, shivery feeling in my belly when I went in to give him his morning bath. My hands shook and I nearly spilled the pan of warm water on the tray.
"I pretended nothing was different. I drew the sliding curtain around his bed so nobody could see what I was doing from the door if anybody looked in.
"I made little sexy jokes about how erect he was. He had an erection waiting for me every morning. Every afternoon, too.
"I washed his body, neck, face, legs as far down as the casts would allow. I saved his penis for last.
"I lathered my hands in the milky, hot water. I smiled as I lovingly clasped his lovely, throbbing organ and worked my fingers in slow strokings and sliding touches. It was very stiff.
"I was doing things different now. Normally I masturbated him, then washed him off. My heart was thumping hard. I kept licking my lips.
"Davey said, anxious, 'Aren't you going to do it this morning?'
"My stomach felt icky. I said, 'I'm going to do something super-special.' I couldn't look up. I rinsed off his penis with the washcloth, several times. 'Wait and see.' I shifted closer. I held his wet, clean penis with two fingers. I closed my eyes and lowered my head. I parted my moist lips.
"When I slid my lips down over the glans, Davey whispered, 'Oh, Judy - ' and his voice shook.
"I tightened my lips on the glans and then went lower, taking more and more of him. He only had about five inches, and I discovered I could almost press my lips all the way down, before the glans tickled way back at the entrance of my throat, and made me choke and gag.
"I pulled back till I had only the glans again, then dipped low, taking almost all of his stiff penis, then up again....
"There was no bad taste, of course, and the sensation of his stiffness sliding up into my mouth like that, then almost out, was something I liked.
"I had never sucked a penis before. But often I used to suck a wienie, or a carrot, pretending they were boys' organs. Then I'd bite! But I've never bitten a real penis. I would never do that.
"I held the base of Davey's hard penis with the thumb and forefinger of my right hand, and I filled my mouth with penis until my lips kissed my fingers, then I raised up and sucked hard on the glans. Then down again____
"I started to hear Davey moaning real soft and shaky, and as much as his casts let him, he was jerking around.
"I put my left hand on his belly to steady him and felt the muscles all tight, then go loose, and tight again.
"I was afraid somebody might come in and catch me. I listened through my breathing and the wet sucking sounds my lips and mouth were making, and through Davey's moaning, for any sound from the doorway or the hallway just outside.
"I wanted to make him shoot in my mouth. I kept my head going down and up, and kept sucking hard on his glans for a few seconds each time. I was enjoying myself. I had a good warm feeling that I was doing the right thing for him, and he needed to be sucked off.
"Davey gasped, 'I'm almost - I'm going to - '
"I patted his belly with my hand to let him know I heard and knew what he was trying to say. I stopped sucking his glans each time and just bobbed my head up and down as fast as I could, and I took my fingers from around the base of his penis - I took all of it. I could do it if I did it fast like that.
"He was pushing up to meet my down-sweeping lips, but I was going too fast for him. I tightened my mouth into a clinging tube and about five seconds later he gave a cry like a littie boy and I got a lot of semen spurting into my mouth.
"I plunged my head up and down until he got a kind of keen tone to his moans and he stopped jabbing his penis up at my mouth. Also, it got soft.
"I honestly didn't like the taste of his semen. It was all over the inside of my mouth and tongue and some of it had trickled down my throat and I'd automatically swallowed it. I clung my lips to his dying organ and pulled my head away. I spat the semen into a towel.
"I managed to meet his eyes then. He looked amazed and dazed. I asked, 'Did you like it?'
"He grinned and blushed. 'Sure, I did.' Then he said, 'No girl ever did that to me before.'
"If it'll help you get well quicker, I'll do it every day.'
"It will!'
"I had to laugh at the quick, exaggerated way he said it. But it gave me a glow. It made me feel good inside.
"I washed his soft penis and left to take care of some other patients.
"I sucked Davey's penis twice a day for two weeks. I got so good at it, and I knew exactly what to do for him and how to do it, that I could suck him off in less than two minutes, sometimes.
"I was always astonished that he could have an erection that much, sometimes only an hour after I sucked him off once, I'd have an opportunity to go in to him again, and there it would be, stiff and up, and I'd bend over it and open my mouth and take it in and suck hard and wriggle my tongue - I found that wriggling my tongue as I went up and down on it with my mouth was the best way for him - and he'd shoot another big lot of semen. His testicles sure managed to keep up with my mouth.
"Davey was taken home to convalesce and I didn't think I'd ever see him again. Then one day he walked into the hospital to see me - all well - and I was scared of him. Not because he could get me in trouble if he wanted to and ruin me and cost me my license.... It was because he was normal. He wasn't confined and helpless.
"Suddenly Davey was nearly six feet tall, towering over me, a young man, with all that strength____And I was terrified!
"I was rude to him, and I hurt him, but I couldn't help it. He didn't come back."
From the foregoing it is quite obvious that Judy has a severe and already well-established confusion-of-gender conflict, probably initiated by the attempted rape when she was still a girl. The fact that she has remained a virgin, has an openly stated distrust of men, and relates experiences of a sexual nature which only involve men who are immobilized shows clearly her deep emotional and mental problems.
As a woman with a normal body, experiencing the normal desires of a woman, she is being virtually torn asunder, without realizing it, by the fight taking place within her between those desires and her emotional problems. While she is not yet ready to admit it to her interviewers, or even to herself, she is showing quite clearly and sharply defined evidences of lesbian tendencies, despite the fact that all of her related sexual relationships (with the exception of the one she . is currently involved in - more on this later) involve men.
Only a deep and thorough analysis and course of treatment by a qualified psychiatrist will be able to eventually get at the roots of her mental and emotional problems, and at this time it is impossible for us to say, with any certainty, what are the original causes or present tensions contributing to her mental problems. However, we can speculate that a combination of factors, among them the attempted rape when she was still, physically and emotionally, a child, her presently somewhat boyish physical features, and the basically depressing nature of her chosen profession were, at least to some extent, responsible.
In regards to the last factor, the basically depressing nature of her chosen profession, nursing, it must be remembered that, while most cases end with the patient being cured and discharged from the hospital, the long period of time while he is in the hospital, undergoing treatment and recovery, can be a strong cause of severe mental depression, especially for a still young, inexperienced and impressionable girl like Judy.
This one factor, when combined with an unstated but assumed lack of contact with others outside the hospital, especially males, could be one of the major building blocks in her developing lesbianism. As C. G. Jung stated in his Practice of Psychotherapy:
Sexual disturbance is by no means the cause of neurotic difficulties, but is one of the pathological effects of a maladaption of consciousness, as when the consciousness is faced with situations and tasks to which it is not equal.
Accepting this, we find here a girl faced with twin tasks which she has been unable to handle. That of finding her place in the sexual spectrum, and that of performing her job despite her constant emotional involvement with her patients.
This involvement, by the way, is not of a positive nature. Although she states repeatedly that she performs the oral sex acts on her patients to "help" them, justifying the act as an aid to healing, it is obvious that she actually has deeper reasons for her actions. The most obvious of those reasons is her desire to emasculate the man, eliminating him as a threat. It is with the purpose of semisymbolic emasculation that she is so intent upon "draining" the man during the course of the oral sex act.
In this we have a textbook example of the difference between a balanced, if still unaccepted, sex act and a classic perversion. It is nQrmal for a young woman her age to desire sexual gratification and desire. It is also normal for a person her age to take part in a modification of this desire, i.e., experimentation with oral sex. As Dr. Roy M. Dorcus states in the Textbook of Abnormal Psychology:
The difference between a normal modification of a desire and a perversion is that the perversion interferes with adequate satisfaction of one of the primary desires or reduces the normal desire in strength or frequency, whereas a normal modification has no adverse effect on any of the primary desires or their satisfaction.
In other words, the person who engages in oral sexual activities, and is also well-balanced emotionally, uses these acts as an addition to the more conventional forms of sexual satisfaction. The unbalanced personality, on the other hand, is committed mentally to the exclusive use of these acts. In place of, rather than in addition to.
As Judy continues with her narrative we will find one underlying theme repeated over and over. She is only able, or desirous, of engaging in sexual activity with men who are physically helpless. The second patient upon whom she performed an oral sex act was partially paralyzed, and she refused to allow him to touch her during the course of the act. Another patient was both blind and immobilized by casts on his arms and legs, and one patient upon whom she lavished her attentions was completely unconscious, in a deep coma.
"My second man - the second man I sucked off - was a patient, also. That was poor Mr. H - . George. He was very well off and he had a private suite. But his money couldn't cure his spine cancer, and he was only forty-four.
"I was nice to him in the recovery room where I was working when we met, and he pulled strings to have me transfered up to his suite on tenth South. I didn't suck him off in the recovery room, of course!
"They took out a vertebra or two and chopped up his nerve trunk to cut down on his pain. But they didn't cut his penis nerves, luckily for him.
"I know I made his last three months of life a lot more bearable. I know I did the right thing.
"I remember a lot of our talk. He was a very well educated, very intelligent man, with graying hair that was receding on each side of a thick vee of hair ... so it made him look devilish because he also had a pointed Vandyke beard.
"He liked to put on a deep chuckling laugh that made him sound positively EVIL. But he was actually the sweetest, nicest man I've ever known.
"When the nice ones go like that it makes me wonder about God.
"George had deep blue eyes, almost purple sometimes. If he hadn't been bedridden and hadn't had IVs in him all the time, those eyes would have scared the absolute pee out of me. I couldn't have managed to stay a minute with him as a well man. He could have made me do anything. He could have done anything to me he wanted. But his legs were paralyzed and his right arm had a tube in it... and he was safe for me to be around.
"I had the impulse to suck him the first time I bathed him in his suite. It was very private, with an anteroom, a bathroom, and his bedroom.
"He didn't use the bathroom, of course. And he hated to have a catheter. So I'd go in with a bedpan and put it in position between his legs, and go out, and he'd urinate in it, using his free hand, and then I'd come back and get the pan.
"When I bathed him he said, 'Oscar isn't dead, you know.'
"I can see that.' His penis was fat and heavy and warm in my hand as I washed the glans. It was slowly growing. I was holding it up with my left hand and using my fingers and palm, all soapy, of my right hand, to cup and tickle the violet-covered glans. It was a big glans, sitting on top of the fat trunk of his penis like a plum on top of a soft, off-white cucumber, if you can imagine that. George had a big handful for me.
"I asked him, 'Why do you call it Oscar?"He's performed magnificently in his time."Award-winning?'
"Three-time winner of the Best Fuck of the Year award.'
"He was getting an extensive erection. I mean his penis was really big ... around seven inches! I said, 'I'm impressed.'
"I continued to wash it slowly, with lots of slippery soap. I used both hands on it, up and down and around.... It was fun. I looked up and his deep blue eyes were sparkling. He winked and smiled.
"He said, 'Oscar is getting some of his hopes up.'
"I can see.'
"Is he going to be disappointed?'
"Not if I can help it.'
"His fate, my dear, is in your hands.'
"That made me laugh. I met George's eyes for a second, and blushed, but I didn't care. I liked him and he was safe.
"I rinsed off his penis and patted it dry with a towel. Then I gripped it with my right hand and started masturbating him.
"It was a job! His penis was so big around it was hard for me to keep a good hold of, and it took more strength to pull the skin up and down.
"He saw my problem and said, 'Use both hands, Judy.'
"So I did. In fact, I got all the way up on the bed, on my knees, and got a good grip on his penis with both hands, my fingers intertwined, and I really went at it! The bed started shaking and George was bouncing a little from my movements, but I had my hands and arms going fast! I was actually crouched over his middle from the side, and looking straight down at his penis.
"He took an awfully long time. He kept whispering, 'I'm getting close now - don't stop. Don't stop, Judy!'
"I didn't. I could keep going almost forever that way, with both hands going at once. I was worried that the bouncing he was taking would hurt his spine or cause him pain.
"But George kept saying, 'I'm almost there. For God's sake, don't stop!'
"I didn't, but another minute went by. I sneaked little looks at his face. To check for pain and reaction. His mouth was open and his tongue was sticking partway out. His eyes were slitted and he was watching my hands jerking him off like a toad watches a fly. I felt his penis get stiffer. The glans also got a shiny look to it.
"Then George grunted deep in his chest, and his big penis sort of spasmed in my hands. Semen flowed in a thick surge. It didn't have much power behind it - there was no spurting through the air.
"George threw his head back. He drew a quiv-ery quick breath. He wasn't looking at me or my hands on his supercharged penis. I had a terrific impulse to suck him - at the last minute, before his orgasm was finished. My mind froze for a split instant. I felt a hot flash all through my body. Actually!
"Then I dove my head down and crammed that semen-covered glans into my mouth. I thought for another instant I'd gag on that stuff ... and I do have a small mouth inside, besides. But I conquered that and tried to work my tongue and kept on jerking him off with both hands.
"He grunted - sort of surprised and very happy and with pleasure and his free hand came to the back of my neck and held my head down. His grunts reached a peak - like his guts were being pulled out - and then his hand relaxed and I took my mouth off his glans.
"He smiled, soft and nice, and started to say something. But I interrupted. I was just furious! I said, 'Don't you ever hold my head down like that again! I can't stand that kind of thing! Don't touch me at all when I'm doing that!'
"George apologized and I accepted it. He said he'd never do it again.
"Unspoken was the understanding that was built into what I'd said, and what he'd agreed to - that I would give him sex again, and probably suck him off, too. It saved a lot of embarrassment.
"He was sincere in thanking me. He said what I felt. He said, 'Judy, I know I'm going down the tube. I'll never leave this place alive. What you did for me was beautiful. You're a wonderful girl, and the best nurse in the world.' Then he gestured my face close to his and he kissed me tenderly on the mouth. His Vandyke beard tickled my chin. Then he said, 'What great lips you've got! I wish ... well, our ages are too far apart, even if....' He waved me out, and picked up a book and stared hard at a page, but he wasn't reading.
"I didn't know how often George could stand to be sucked off. Older men - well, I thought maybe once a week.
"But the next morning when I went in with my tray with soap, towels, washcloth, and pan of hot water, he grinned and said, 'Welcome, Judy. I've been waiting!'
"That told me all I had to know.
"I gave him a good bath, all over, except for his penis and scrotum, which I saved for last. He'd had his breakfast tray and I knew from his chart he wasn't due for any medication for another half hour at least - and I'd be giving him that shot in any case. So I felt safe about intruders. In the private suites the outer door has a buzzer, and the anteroom has tile on the floor, so the patient and nurse can hear anyone enter. The main room has wall-to-wall carpeting, except for around the bed, which is tiled.
"When I got to washing his genitals, and his penis began to thicken up and get long, he said, 'I'd like very much to touch and kiss your breasts.'
"I shook my head. I said, 'Too risky.' But even if it hadn't been - I wouldn't have let him. I couldn't stand that much intimacy. Touching my body was out. Besides, I don't have very good breasts. There's a mole with a hair in it on my left breast. I should have it cut off. The mole.
"George only nodded and studied me with his dark blue eyes as I soaped up his scrotum and worked my hands slowly up onto his penis, which was already very big and hard, lying on his belly. It was twitching from his pulse beat. I slid my fingers around it and lifted it and soaped his pubic hair, which was getting gray, too.
"Then I used both hands, all soapy and wet, and ran my fingers and palms up and down on his penis, and around the glans, which was uncovered.
"George enjoyed the sensations and I enjoyed playing with that big, warm hunk of manhood.
"I asked, 'Do women like to have all this in them?'
"Most do - if it's done properly and with love.'
"I asked, 'How many women have you made love to?'
"Maybe a couple dozen. Do you do this for many patients?'
"No! You're the - the second.' I massaged his penis some more, then rinsed it off and dried it with little loving pats of a towel. I got up on the bed. I said, 'Now, keep your left hand to yourself.'
"I will, Judy. I don't want to make you angry.'
"He said it in such a comical way I had to laugh. I kissed the top of his glans. Then I slowly let my lips open wider and wider and slide down over it. It was a mouthful.
"I started licking my tongue around in my mouth. I hoped it wouldn't take too long.
"After a minute, George said, 'That won't make it, Judy. Not by itself. You have to move the skin up and down - like the first time.'
"I resented being told how to do it. Davey hadn't complained! But I did what George wanted. I got into a better position, between his dead legs - I had to lift and push his legs open to make room for my kneeling and crouching - and I got my two-handed, fingers-locked-to-gether grip on his thickness in the middle of his penis, and I started slowly pumping the skin.
"I did that for a minute, slowly, then I lowered my head again and licked the glans as I pumped.
"George liked that. He moaned softly in his chest. He whispered faintly, 'Good .. .fine.
"I pressed my lips down over the glans again. The warm size filled my mouth, silky and rubbery and big. I tickled my tongue over the most sensitive place and pumped the skin up to meet my lips. And I slowly increased the speed of my hands.
"I closed my eyes and sucked and pumped - and kept on doing it a little bit faster, and faster, until the bed was bouncing us both and I was going as fast as I could.
"I turned and twisted my head as I used my tongue and pounded my gripping hands up and down. I could hear George's quick, heavy breathing and moaning, and then I could feel a tiny change in his penis and in his glans which I was sucking like crazy. They got more tense, and he was right on the verge of coming.
"He whispered, 'Judy - what a style! Gooood!' And then he started his orgasm, grunting deep in his chest, and his penis did that jerking in my hands and mouth.
"When he had had all the pleasure there was to get from that orgasm, I stopped. I got off the bed quick, just in case. That kneeling position between his legs was very compromising. There was no way I could have explained it.
"George smiled and said, 'Thank you, Judy. You're an angel.'"
"'The head nurse wouldn't think so if she knew.'"
"Fuck her.' He closed his eyes and went right to sleep. He looked very peaceful and contented. It made me feel good.
"It was like that with George up until almost his last week.
"Toward the end he got terribly haggard and wasted away ... and he took longer and longer to have an orgasm ... but he did love having them.... We both hoped he could have a heart attack in the middle of one, and go that way.
"But he didn't. He died in great pain one night and he said my name over and over, I was told.
"That made me cry. "I went to his funeral.
"I know you're going to think I'm sick mentally now, when I tell about what's going on now.
"I'm in the intensive care section again, and I'm working the night schedule, from three-thirty to midnight, and I've got three patients I'm involved with, orally.
"I'm really beginning to get worried about myself. Maybe subconsciously I want to get caught or punished or something.
"You can't really consider one of my special patients any danger - unless somebody walks in, and that's not possible, because I do it while I'm giving an alcohol rub and have the privacy screen closed.
"He's a young football player who suffered a skull fracture, very severe, in a game, and he is in a coma twenty-four hours.
"He doesn't know what I'm doing ... but his penis knows. It swells up right away, as soon as I start in.
"I enjoy doing him best. He's totally helpless. All he is is a vegetable ... with a warm penis. And it's surprising how fast he ejaculates. I start with his penis soft and in seconds it's hard - as soon as it feels my warm mouth and tongue it gets totally hard in a hurry! I only have to suck about a minute and it spurts - whoosh, whoosh, whoosh - that fast.
"I don't have to be embarrassed about him knowing or watching or thinking and making judgments. I can experiment - like really tasting his semen and swallowing it. It's safer to take it all in my mouth and swallow it. No evidence or semen smell that way. And I don't mind doing it with him.
"He came out of surgery and into my section one night and I knew immediately I wanted to suck him off while he was comatose.
"He has a beautiful body. He's six feet three and built! I love to give him baths and rubs. I get all sensuous and turned on just running my hands over his body. Then I suck him off and get a funny thrill in my belly. A special warm glow down there.
"It's awful to say, but I hope he stays in a coma for a while. It looks like he might be in a coma permanently, anyway.
"I'm having my sick kicks with him, I guess.
"The second patient I'm giving my special treatment to is a blind man who was hit by a car in an intersection and tossed over fifty feet, according to what I heard from the police ambulance drivers who brought him in. He has both arms with multiple fractures and they're in casts up to his elbows and in traction to boot.
"We have to hand-feed him and ask him when he wants a bedpan.
"His name is Daniel F. J-. A very distinguished name, except that he's a welfare case. He's going to be transferred to County soon, and I'll lose him.
"Dan is only thirty-nine. He has a good, slim body, very pale skin, red hair, and burned-out eyes. He was blinded by looking into a powerful arc light too long. He won't tell me anything much except that.
"I sucked off Dan the second time I went into the room where he was with two other patients. I had to give him an antibiotic shot in the rump, so I had to draw the privacy curtains around his bed.
"I said hello, and he recognized my voice. 'You're Judy, aren't you?'
"Yes. That's very good to identify me like that. I have to give you an injection. Can you roll a little onto your left hip?'
"He did, and I pulled up his skimpy hospital gown. I saw his penis. It was small, but stubby and thick and hard. He was circumcised, and there was a smear of clear lubrication secretion at the opening.
"I gave the injection and he rolled back on his buttocks. I put my hand on his thigh. The muscles tt.;sed. I said very low, 'It seems you need a special kind of relief of tension.'
"He smiled wryly and managed to shrug a little, in spite of the traction. I knew his shoulders ached, and his back, too.
"He said, soft, too, 'That's the nature of the beast.'
"I said, running my hand down under his gown closer to his penis, 'I could help you with it, if you want me to.'
"Best offer I've had in years, and that's no lie.'
"It has to be a secret. "Count on me.'
"I'll be back in a minute, Mr. J-, to give you an alcohol rub. That'll help your muscles relax a little.' I said it loud enough for the other two patients to hear if they were listening.
"They both could see, and they had a TV on.
"Dan picked up on it right away. He said, 'Thank you, nurse.'
"I went for the cotton and the bottle. I was excited. I was doing good, helping a person who really needed relaxing.
"I set up and started the rub on his shoulders and neck. Then I put the cotton aside and gently slid my right hand down the front of his gown to where it was pulled up against his hard belly. He was in good shape for a thirty-nine-year-old man.
"I fingertipped his penis. I smeared his secretions over the tip of his glans. I made a. cup of my fingers and palm, and fitted it down over his stubby length. He only had about four inches, and half of it was hidden in thick, curly red pubic hair.
"Dan said, 'I've been shortchanged all my life? He sounded bitter.
"It doesn't matter.' I started finger-rubbing the underside of his glans. I said, 'Tell me when you're close.'
"He nodded. His thin, pale chest was already heaving faster than normal.
"I curled two fingers and my thumb around his penis, and began masturbating him in earnest. Short, fast little strokes. I braced the butt of my hand on his upper thigh and found I could do it very fast.
"Dan whispered, "I want it to last, but - I'm close!' His flat belly was sucking in and out.
"Don't tell anybody about this, now!' I put my left hand on his fluctuating stomach, and moved my right to his thighs. Then, in one movement ... I lowered my head and pressed my face to his loins and filled my mouth with that short, thick penis.
"Dan gave a funny, surprised gasp. His belly went tense under my hand.
"I sucked fast, and like with Davey, I managed to bob my head quick and drive my lips down to take it all. My nose started to tickle from dipping into that curly red hair that fluffed all around his penis. I got my right hand in between his slender thighs, and I warmed his scrotum with my fingers and palm. I cupped his testicles.
"Dan's breathing was fast and loud. He was twisting some, and the ropes and pulleys and weights attached to his straight-up arms-in-casts were creaking and rustling. He gave a low, sort of suppressed, gasping groan - and he came. I took four good big spurts of thick, gooey semen in my mouth. Then a lot more weaker spurts, and then a flow. Did he have it stored up!
"I had my mouth full and was in danger of letting semen dribble down into his pubic hair, which would have been a mess, so I mentally braced myself and swallowed it all.
"Dan lay quiet, his chest rising and falling fast, still. He said, 'You're someone very special, Judy.'
"I saw there was wetness in his blind eyes and I got choked up. A surge of emotion came up from somewhere, and I was very close to tears, myself. I had that stinging in my nose. I blinked fast and wiped a drop of last-minute semen from the tip of his shrinking penis, and covered him up with his gown and the bed sheet and the thin hospital blanket.
"I patted his leg and said I'd see him the next day, and for him to sleep if he could.
"Two nights later I sucked Dan off again. Maybe I can get in one or two more before he's taken away. He's a dear man. He's sckgrateful.
"Then - there's Patty. She's in the room next to the one Dan's in, but she's got the room to herself because we have no other female patient to fill the other intensive care bed.
"Patty is a tragedy. She is a nurse, and she's young - -just my age, twenty-one, and she even looks a little like me. She's skinny, with no breasts to speak of, and her hair is blonde, and long - but when she's 'all there' she's very aggressive and dominating ... and she's frankly a lesbian. She admits it.
"And she - captured me. I'm afraid of her, but I have to go in and tend to her, and when I do, and she's not doped up to hinder her convulsions, she makes me do perverted things to her.
"I just can't say no to her when she catches me with those blazing, powerful green eyes of hers.
"I think she's insane. I think it's the tumor in her brain that makes her so - strong and wild-eyed and overpowering, and that it's what's causing her to be a lesbian.
"She's going up to surgery in a few days. There's a fifty-fifty chance she'll die and she knows it, of course.
"Patty has to be kept strapped into her bed, because of her periodic convulsions. The doctors can't give her enough medicine to stop the convulsions without weakening her too much for surgery.
"She's cunning. The first time I entered her room she sensed I was the kind of person I am. She knew she could take advantage of me.
"Patty has a nasal quality to her low voice. It's not too strong a thing, but it's there. And she darts her head this way and that, as she talks.
"Her blonde hair is drawn back in a bun, and that makes her nose and chin seem sharp and hawkish. It ages her five years.
"I came in to check her condition as the chart ordered - this was just a few days ago - and we talked as I took her blood pressure and pulse and checked her straps and took her temperature.
"Patty has green eyes that drill right into my brain. I mentioned that already, but it's awful to be like a rabbit in the same cage as a python.
"She said, 'I need a bedpan!' And when I took the pan from the cabinet near her bed and pulled her hospital gown up to position it, she said, 'Play with my pussy!'
"She was strapped down. Arms, legs, hips, waist, neck. She couldn't move more than an inch or two. But I was suddenly afraid of her. Because I suddenly wanted to do it. But I didn't like her.
"Then I realized she wasn't responsible - her brain tumor was talking. I asked, 'Will that relax you?'
"It'll make me hot as hell. I want you to suck my titties and eat my cunt, too. That'll relax me. Better than those anticonvulsion drugs they're shooting into me every four hours!'
"I can't - '
"Yes, you can! You're my friend, aren't you - ' Her eyes went to my nametag. ' - Judy?' She licked her lips suggestively. 'I want that sexy mouth of yours . . . hmm? I won't say a word to anyone!'
"Y - You're a girl.'
"I still have physical needs.' Her eyes got to me. 'Play with me, Judy!'
"I'll - I'll examine. . . .' I put my hand down into her crotch and rested my palm on her blonde-curled mons, and let my middle finger touch the lips of her vulva.
"Her crotch was very warm, and I was very surprised when my finger touched oozing, slippery secretions.
"Her green eyes just blazed! 'Finger me!'
"I pressed my finger into her vulva and it was like sticking my finger into a hot mouth! I felt her clitoris immediately - it was big as a pencil eraser and as hard, too.
"She made a little sound. 'Rub it, rub it good!'
"To my fingertip, her clitoris felt like a very small penis. I started thinking of it that way. If it was a small penis, then masturbating it and maybe sucking it wouldn't be so bad.
"I rubbed that little hard button of stiff flesh in all that slippery lubrication and I got my usual warm glow as Patty clenched her little fists and panted and went off quickly, with lots of body-trembling.
"When the climax passed, she nodded and said, 'Now suck my titties! That'll get me hot again.'
"Do they hurt?' There was a wide nylon strap across her chest.
"Yes, they hurt. Make them feel good!'
"I unlocked the buckle and pulled the strap loose by about a foot. 'I'd better see if they're bruised.' I tugged down her gown enough to expose her small, pert breasts. They were like two fried eggs, with pink cherries set in the middle of pale pink yolks. She had beautiful little breasts.
"I touched her right nipple and it yeasted up even bigger and darkened and crinkled - just like it had been cooked in an oven.
"Suck it, Judy!"
"I bent over and let my lips close around the nipple. I flicked at it with my tongue. I enjoyed doing it. I lost my self-consciousness and began to really suck.
"I drew the nipple up into my mouth by suction, and tightened my mouth and tongue on it, and even grazed some teeth against it.
"Patty made a kind of mewing sound and arched her back.
"I sucked on her nipples like that for five minutes, at least. Each time I tried to stop, she ordered me to keep doing it.
"Then Patty said, 'Unstrap my legs. Eat me! Eat my hot, juicy cunt!'
"She said it so crazy-like, I knew she was insane. And I knew no one would believe her if she did tell anyone what I had done - and was about to do. I felt safe.
"I had to leave her for a few minutes to check on my other patients and check the nursing station.
"When I came back I drew the screen between the bed and the door. I kept the bedpan on the bed as a reason for unstrapping her legs, and for privacy. I retightened her chest strap after covering her nice little breasts.
"Patty's eyes were rolling. She kept saying, 'Eat me, eat me, eat me.'
"My heart was pounding as I got up onto the bed. I put my head down between her slender white thighs, and there was her pink-lipped vulva in front of my mouth, and it was oozing again. She was aroused again. She really needed relief.
"I'd never done it before. I put my fingers there and pulled her open. It was all pink and shiny wet inside ... a gaping pink tunnel opening ... and over it - in the groove - was the stiff nodule of her clitoris ... yes, like a tiny glans!
"I licked out with my tongue and stroked over the little penis.
"Patty gasped. I licked over it again and again. It tasted different from a man's penis. But it wasn't bad.
"She started to jerk and writhe in her prison of straps. She was mewing louder.
"I licked faster and faster, grazing my tongue over that small glans as harshly and as quickly as I could.
"Patty's body was shaking! I thought she was going into convulsions. But it wasn't quite the same, so I kept on licking fast and hard like that until she stopped shaking and whimpering.
"Then I got off the bed quick, strapped her in again, and set things up normal. I left before she could order me to do anything more.
"So far she's made me do that to her three times. I hope she dies when they open her skull and go cutting in her brain.
"I've been very honest about everything. I only wish I wasn't so vulnerable to people. I'm all mixed up inside. I'm not happy at all, except maybe when I'm doing something nice for a helpless man. I don't know."
There can be almost no question of Patty's psychoneurotic condition. What is most disturbing in her case is not so much her preoccupation with oral-genital sex as her trancelike attitude toward it, toward herself, and toward those whom she "services." The combination of feelings that she appears to have toward her charges - pathos at one point, apathy at the next - as well as her obvious uncertainty regarding her own true sexual nature, underlines her basically immature emotions and suggests even the possibility of a multischizoidal personality. Although the prognosis cannot be one of total pessimism, the indications are that Patty will have to undergo extensive and long-term therapy before she will be able to cope with the never-so-simple obstacles of emotional life.
Chapter Two
Phallic Worship
"Up and down, up and down, faster now. He loves it, I can tell from the way his magnificent cock stays large and from the mounting tension I sense. I pretend that instead of a sterile white hospital bed we're sprawled voluptuously on gold satin sheets. Suck, suck, suck, furiously now, then ease it a bit, make it last, make it good for him.
"What mounds of rippling muscles he has, thick patches of hair where hair should be, everything a girl could ask for. And this cock knows how to appreciate the delicate art of fellatio; it's an experienced cock all right. I wonder how it would feel inside me and wonder if I'd dare, here in the hospital, me, a nurse!
"Most of all I wonder what he looks like under those bandages covering his face, and he's probably wondering about me. It's more exciting somehow, not seeing each other, not knowing each other, communicating with taps on the table, two taps for fresh water, please, three taps for suck me off, nurse. And I'm not doing this out of duty or pity, I'm doing it because I adore sucking cock, losing myself in the ever changing rhythms of my head, the constant swishing of my tongue against the warm hardness. Up and down and around and around I go. I love it!
"The door's locked. The Do Not Disturb sign hangs on the knob. We have all the time in the world and I'll even give up my break, yes, gladly, if he wants to prolong it.
"Suck, release, suck, my vacuum-cleaner mouth takes it in deeper and deeper. Not all seven inches, that I can't quite manage, but lots of it, while my left hand takes care of the rest and my right hand fondles his balls ever so gently. My pauses are less frequent now. He's ready for the steady, continuous final phase. No more teasing, just straight suck. Build up speed ever so gradually. Nothing harsh, no quick changes, just more and more of the same, titillating the shaft more all the time. No swallowing, let the saliva slurp, slurp. His cock is dripping with it and so are my hands. By now it probably feels like pussy juice to him. Ah, I wonder what his fantasies are.
"Is he picturing himself, big and bronze on a deserted beach at twilight with a sinuous blonde, picturing the sensuous grace of her body as her head bobs up and down and her firm young breasts bounce ever so slightly, her long legs straddling his? Suddenly the beach fantasy becomes my own. I see his naked, hairy body not on satin sheets but on sand, the firm texture of his body glowing in the oblique evening light, his chest rising and falling as the waves rush in and out. His face, yes, dark, swarthy, eyebrows that match his pubic hair, full, round lips that want to eat my pussy and my pussy hurts for it. It hurts so much I want to take one hand away from him and get to the slick, tingly surface where scarcely more than a touch would send me into exploding ecstasies.
"But I go on, up and down, back to the satin sheets for diversion, soul music coming from the hi-fi, the faint aroma of rum we'd been drinking. I'm the maid sucking off the lord of the manor and I'd better do it fast now for his wife will be home and calling for me, but it's me he loves really, this gem of a man loves me, and so I suck, suck, suck.
"He's getting closer. Don't ask me how I can tell. Somewhere in his body, something is beginning to give way. The shaft is harder, my mouth strains with the fullness. Oh, God, in a moment it will all be over and I'd wanted it to last and last, me here forever a worshiper at the shrine of life, the eternal phallus. A sudden surge from within tells me to accelerate my motion, suck harder, faster. And now the throbbing has begun and he thrusts his mighty sword into my mouth. The warm liquid spurts out. My communion, my reward. I hold it for a few instants without swallowing, tasting its deli-ciousness and sucking till I'm sure I have it all, while he squirms relentlessly beneath me, the pulsations diminishing now. My mouth runneth over. And at last I take it into my throat.
"My pussy aches for release, yet I am content for the moment in his contentment. I hold his spent masculinity against my face, relishing this brief moment of utter tranquility, but knowing that sooner or later my pussy will demand release, too.
"And soon I have to leave, making the rounds of the other patients, exchanging a shy glance with Dr. C-, wondering if he'll ever get around to asking me out. He must know what a good nurse I am from the way I keep my patients serene and happy.
"Most of the doctors know what goes on here. After all these patients are young studs, soldiers, some fresh from the Southeast Asian whorehouses and some who haven't had a woman in months, but all of them so ornery, you catch them pulling their hands out from under the sheets all the time with that little-boy guilty expression: Mommy, you know I wouldn't do anything bad. Even with some of the pretty sick ones you're apt to see the sudden rising of a mountain peak in the middle of the sheet when you're just there doing your duty.
"Some hospitals are squeamish, I know. At the place where I did my training they took a guy to the psycho ward just for jacking off! Rather, for getting caught jacking off. My God, didn't they know that was a sign of health, not mental illness?
"So I was a little surprised at the way things are handled here. Don't get me wrong. It's not that all this is fully, endorsed and approved by the staff, it's just that people are hip.
"Shortly after I was hired, one of the guys bared a hard cock for me to see and pointed at it, smiling. I shook my head politely, fixed his pillow faster than usual and ran down the hall. I demanded to see the doctor on the ward, and when he finally had time to speak with me I told him.
"I think the patient wanted me to perform a sex act, fellation, perhaps,' I said.
"He nodded gravely. 'You're new, aren't you?
"Yes,' I said.
"The needs of these young men are great. The chances of anyone's becoming violent are rather slim. We screen patients carefully, although sometimes mental disturbances do occur in a hospital setting. Don't worry about being hurt.'
"He hesitated a moment before going on. 'We don't ask that our nurses be prostitutes. You're not demanded anything beyond your assigned duties. But some of the girls here feel such great sympathy for their patients that they go beyond the call of duty, if you know what I mean. Usually it's quite discreet. One doesn't speak of it to, say, the head of nursing. One closes ones eyes. Now forget that I have told you any of this. You're old enough to have figured it out for yourself.'
"I guess that was when I started to respect doctors again. I'd hated them, refused even to go out with interns when I was in training, because they treated us like slaves. I resented it all the more because I'd wanted to be a doctor myself once and I had all the qualifications except a rich father and a prick. A rich-father will pay for medical school and being male will get you a scholarship. Well, I lucked out. Instead of
Dr. S-, I'm Maria S-, R.N., a hospital whore. I don't make as much money as a doctor or a high-class whore, which I'm sure I could be, but I have fun and respectability. Who could ask for more? But now and then my bitterness shows.
"I don't suck everybody's cock, of course. Some of the other girls do it, some know about it and don't, and a few don't know about it. The problem is keeping it a secret from the nurses who don't know about it and wouldn't understand. No. 8, with the bandages on his face is a guy I dug from the first time I gave him a bath and saw the glorious architecture of his body. Little did I know that while his face was all bandaged up he'd develop a code to ask for it. No. 14 is nice, too, a bright college kid who got zapped by the draft when his grades dropped. We have kind of a good thing going, in spite of his being about four years younger than me.
"Most of the guys flirt and really work hard to get something going. Now, No. 14 just asked me one day if he could talk dirty.
"Sure,'I said. 'I won't tell.'
"If you weren't a nurse, I'd fuck you,' he said.
"What you mean,' I returned, 'is that if your right leg weren't in tension you'd fuck me. Right?'
"Come to think of it, I'd have a pretty hard time, wouldn't I?' He surveyed the gear that held his leg pointed upward. 'But I'd really like to. I wouldn't just fuck you, I'd make love to you. Would you believe I lie here thinking about it, thinking about you and what you'd be like?'
"I smiled. 'Do you talk to all the nurses that way?'
"You bet your, life I don't. Some of them would slap me in the face, me a sick man, returned from serving my country.'
"There's a sort of an unspoken rule that a guy doesn't get it from more than one nurse, because there aren't nearly enough nurses to go around and we have our jealousies, too. Some nurses get romantic and stick to one guy, which is rather selfish of them. But we all pretend that the guy we're with is the only one getting our favors, in fact, the only guy in the hospital getting such favors, hoping they won't compare notes and create a scandal once they get out.
"Well, to make a long story short, while No. 14 was telling me I was beautiful and intelligent and everything, I got closer and closer to the bulging monument beneath the sheet.
"I looked at him and suddenly his face was agonized with desire. 'Would you? Could you? I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have asked."Shut up and get sucked off,' I said. "He laughed. 'You're something, all right."Wait and see what you think when I'm finished,' I told him.
"I whipped back the sheet and carefully maneuvered the hospital gown out of the way. And there before me was his cock, reaching upward like a church spire, set in the finest nest of reddish blond hair. I took it in my hands and gently moved the loose flesh up and down.
"God, you don't know how long it's been,' he muttered.
"Tell me about Oriental women. Is it true?'
"Honey, they'll do it sideways, assways, anyways, or that's what the fellows tell me. Now I wouldn't know."
"You're putting me on.'
"I'm not. I'd sworn to be true forever to a pretty girl in Wyoming and she shafted me for a rich rancher.'
"He sounded serious, but I wasn't sure. Anyway, I said, 'Don't cry tears, baby, cry sperm. That'll do us both more good.'
"Let me kiss you first,' he begged.
"That made me feel all soft and tender. Some guys are still romantic in the old-fashioned way and I rather like it even if I'm not exactly romantic.
"Our lips met, mine on top of his and almost instantly our mouths opened and we exchanged tongue, mingling our saliva, passionately twisting our faces together. His hand reached to one of my breasts, which was about as far as he could reach, and beneath me I could feel the furious pounding of his heart. At last we separated, exchanging a glance of warmth and tenderness.
"I liked this guy, but, of course, I wasn't going to get hung up. And for me sucking a cock isn't romantic in the usual way, it's a kind of erotic religion or something. In giving myself this way I purge myself of my disappointments and bitterness. So I not only give, I take. I feed on these sick guys, not only eating their high-protein sperm but letting them give me something that nourishes my depraved - oops, I meant to say deprived soul.
"I looked again at that glorious tool, upright as ever. Then I waved my hand over it and watched as it moved toward my fingers. An involuntary reaction, of course, but I like to dispense with scientific explanations and pretend it's magic. His cock is drawn to my hand by mysterious powers beyond his or my control. And the same is true with my mouth. I approach the lower edge of the bed, then lean over with my tongue hanging out. And it reaches for my tongue; it wants it.
"I can hardly wait to get it in my mouth, but I don't forget the usual precautions, locking the door and putting out the sign so nobody will come in. It's amazing that some of the old girls on this floor don't know what that sign means. They think it's for enemas or something - well, there are guys who get their kicks that way, but they're just not of the same caliber as guys who want to get sucked off.
"I savor the sight of that tough, purple member for as long as I can stand it. It's going to be awkward since I don't dare sit on the bed, but I can lean over. And so I do. Anxious as I am I do it in sensuous slow motion, my mouth greedily opened and ready for its ritual meal.
"Oh, baby,' he groans.
"I don't answer. I just lower my gaping mouth to the head of it. Instead of clamping down hard, I let my tongue travel in tiny circles, teasingly, gradually centering in on his most sensitive spot. And when I get to that tender ridge he howls like a dog who's just heard a siren. So I dart away, lapping at the sides, the edge of the crown, everywhere but where he really wants it most. Too much too fast and I'd have a mouthful of love-juice in seconds and a rather embarrassed guy.
"This must be sustained. That's the secret, giving a guy just enough to keep him excited, making him wait in exquisite suspense while his mind carries him to his favorite fetishes and fantasies. The bigger the buildup, the bigger the explosion.
"I make my tongue almost as pointed as a pencil and explore the varied landscape of bumps and ridges with the curiosity of someone just landed on an unknown planet. Every cock has its own special character, unique and indescribable. It's not a question of some being superior to others; my own peculiar perversion is that I love them all. Each time the'one I happen to be sucking is the greatest and most beautiful cock in the world.
"Do you know what you're doing to me?' he groans now with the slurred speech of a man losing his rational powers.
"I smile back at him with my eyes, just the slightest squint. Nothing could make me take my mouth away from what I am doing.
"And I continue with the delicate preliminaries, knowing that I'm driving him wild but not stimulating him too much. God, I wish he'd tell me what he's thinking. I don't care whether he thinks of me or not. I hope that I evoke the most madly erotic imaginings from the inner reaches of his mind, stirring desires he didn't know existed. Yes, he probably had an aunt or a cousin, a little older and very sexy in her Western riding boots and all. She broke hearts as easily as teacups, ah, but to her younger sweet young male relative, she was always good. She was kind and gave him candy, never dreaming that he spent hour after hour in the privy, imagining her with her legs spread apart, her boots still on - and faster and faster he jerked his arm until the geyser of sperm let him know he was really a man and he didn't care what the preacher said or what anybody said because he knew damn well it wouldn't drive him insane permanently only for a few moments and it was well worth it____
"How well I know how a man thinks and feels. Is there something wrong in that? My fantasizing their fantasies? Surely not, surely it's because I like giving, I like cocksucking, I like men. Yet I rarely have lovers, on the outside, that is.
"He wants more. I know now that his mind has departed for some remote world of pure eroticism and he wants me to take all of him in my mouth at last. At last!
"But slowly, very slowly I lower my tensed lips over this marvelous prong, protecting its delicate flesh from my teeth.
"Suck,' he screams almost. 'Suck! Suck! Suck me!'
"For a fleeting, insignificant moment I hope that no one is passing by the door.... Then I suck, pulling upward, oh so tenderly, scarcely moving the loose flesh, then down, down, down, as far as I can go, wishing I could get it all in. Up again, slowly, and down, teasingly, with what must be almost excruciating sensuousness for him. Because he's dying with anticipation for more, his mind a step ahead of what I'm doing. Is it torture? Who's to say?"
In listening to the narrative of this young nurse the most striking feature is not the acts she is describing, but the language she is describing them in. Her appearance is quite sweet, almost virginal. The archetypal ail-American girl, complete with rosy cheeks and a creamy white complexion.
Considering the situation, though, it is quite possible that her choice of words, the bluntness of her description, her use of the "gutter" Anglo-Saxon terminology, has a deep psychological reason. As C.G. Jung pointed out in his Basic Writings:
Common speech, as we know, is full of erotic metaphors which are applied to matters that have nothing to do with sex; and conversely, sexual symbolism by no means implies that the interests making use of it are by nature erotic. Sex, as one of the most important instincts, is the prime cause of numerous affects that exert an abiding influence on our speech. But affects cannot be identified with sexuality inasmuch as they may easily spring from conflict situations.
Upon close study of the narrative we find that there are several quite unusual factors. To start with, the subject makes very little attempt to justify her acts. She states that she performs oral sex on her patients simply because she enjoys it. The only slight traces of justifiction shown are her statements that the hospital staff is generally aware that the nurses are performing oral sex on the patients, with covert encouragement from the doctors.
Another unusual factor is her constant fantasies during the performance of the oral sex act. This indicates that, while she repeatedly and emphatically states that she performs the act simply because she enjoys it, she actually has some very deep-seated emotional conflicts which she brings to the surface during the sexual episodes. Inside, she is actually wishing that she was someplace else, doing something different, with someone else. Add to this her statements that she usually receives sexual gratification and release only from masturbation, and a new pattern begins to form.
Her initial statements make her appear to be a thorough heterosexual, but consider the remarks of Dr. G. Wilson Shaffer in the Textbook of Abnormal Psychology:
The delay or non-satisfaction of a desire may result in organic changes so that the desire may be manifested in a totally different way or it may abolish the desire.
As she continues her narrative she begins to mention another woman, the mentions becoming more and more frequent, and finally admits to a lesbian experience. It now becomes obvious that she received enjoyment from this lesbian experience, an enjoyment that has led to tremendous guilt feelings and frustration, eliminating her ability to receive sexual satisfaction from a man.
This is not to say that she is a lesbian. Quite the contrary, there are strong indications that she does not have any tendencies in this direction. She has simply fallen into a trap such as was clearly described by W.A. Glassner in the American Psychiatric Journal:
It is unfortunate that many women enter into a lesbian relationship, thinking that they are lesbians, when actually they were only caught in a homosexual situation at a time when they were emotionally vulnerable. The common situation is one where the woman is having difficulty in sexual relations for either physical or emotional reasons, usually quite temporary. During this period she becomes involved in a lesbian episode, and receives enjoyment from it. Afterwards she is assailed by guilt, and later, to resolve these guilt feelings, she admits to herself, quite erroneously, that she is a lesbian. Quite often the woman will go along for several years, unhappily saddled with a heterosexual relationship which she cannot enjoy because she believes herself to be a lesbian.
As her narrative continues, one fact which emerges quite strongly, although it is never stated outright and there is strong indication that the subject is not even fully aware of it, is that she is really quite unhappy, without having the slightest idea why. Her fantasies are used as a mental trick to hide this fact from her own conscious mind, and her language and apparent honesty are used to conceal this fact from others. As Ray B. Radney states in Behavioral Patterns:
Nowhere outside the field of sexual behav- I ior is the tendency to conceal unpleasant facts, both from self and from others, so prevalent. The ability of the mind to refuse to consciously accept facts, while at the same time consciously hiding those same facts from the scrutiny of others, is a never ending source of wonder to me.
As the subject's narrative ends, it is encouraging to note that she has finally realized that she does have some serious emotional problems, although she had not yet fully accepted them, and their consequences. The indications are that she will be able to resolve her problems, though, and along with them the mental turmoil which is affecting so much of her life. She was able to achieve, for the first time in quite a while, a heterosexual relationship to the point of sexual gratification without having to resort to the subterfuge of fantasy to replace the object which gave her the gratification she sought.
"Up and down, again and again, speeding up by such fine degrees that he doesnt notice. The minuteness of it all, the utter precision, all this I've learned and practiced to perfection. God, if the hospital administration only knew that cocksucking is as delicate as surgery, with rules all its own that must be obeyed. Surgery? Oh, I know that may sound strange. Before you try to make something out of it, let me remind you that I wanted to be a doctor before I entered the sacred prostitution - sacred profession of nursing.
"All glory to the phallus, giver of the seed of life, magnificent in shape and proportion, issuing forth to all those who worship at its shrine the holy juices of ultimate redemption. Faster now along the tall and narrow human shrine where I worship, faster and faster, up and down, take in more and more. I'm lost now in the sheer joy of doing it, aware only of one other thing, the burning between my legs, the desire for complete union with this fantastic instrument.
"He's trying to move now, I steady him, and he doesn't dare. It's for me to do it all. He's too close so I slow down just a little, enough to swirl my tongue around, knowing that the rough surface will both distract and excite him. His cock is as wet as though he'd already come, even the downy hair surrounding it is moist. Strange, how this generates the flow of saliva; they don't tell you about that in biology. It's food, all right, but, my God, it's so much more than food.
"Give it to me, honey, give it to me,' he pleads.
"So I really suck, the same up-and-down motion as before, the same rhythm, only now with a pull from inside my mouth that creates more pressure against the tenderness of his prick. And I'm loving every blessed second of it now, my head bouncing wildly as I pull and sink down on him with ever increasing speed and tension. My head is dizzy from the fast rhythm. I'm in sheer ecstasy, for I know that the greatest moment of all is close at hand. My God, sometimes I think I'm going to come, too. Simultaneous orgasm without a thing touching my pussy. That's how far out I can get.
"I use my hands to steady him so there's no chance of injuring him in the violent climax I'm sure he's about to have. He's on the very verge of it, I'm sure of that, just as I'm sure he's hoping to postpone it as long as he can, languishing in these final moments so far removed from the everyday world, so beautiful.
"I keep my rhythm steady. When it happens, it will happen. I could make it happen, of course, but I want this to be like a bolt of lightning striking from the sky, something that neither of us willed, something that occurred without human intervention. And, oh-my-God, it is happening. Now, now, now! The juices shoot through the stalk as though at the pull of a trigger and the magnificent organ in my mouth convulses uncontrollably. I hold the rest of him still while his cock gyrates wildly, the semen spurting into my anxious mouth and filling it, dripping out of my lips and down his cock again. He's been saving a lot for me. I drink it in at last, partaking with reverence.
"I wanted to hold his beautiful organ in my hands and admire it, but he beckoned me to come to the head of the bed.
"I smell wet pussy,' he whispered as I got close to him.
"He was right. I could even detect the musky odor of cunt juice from under my starched uniform myself.
"Would you let me?' he asked.
"I - I - ' My God, I almost said I've never let that happen, which was true. I'd always given, never received as far as the patients are concerned.
"I have to get back to work,' I said at last. "Please let me.'
"I was confused about what to do. The truth is I don't often make it with guys, especially this way for some reason. Maybe I know the reason. What I do is masturbate and fantasize. What if I didn't make it? That would make him feel terrible, I knew.
"Please,' he said.
"I worried vaguely too about the chances of getting caught. Now getting caught going down on a guy would be easy enough to cover up by a quick grab of the sheet. While straddling a patient's face is a little hard to make excuses for.
"But, damn it, my pussy was hot and in the back of my mind was the hope, as there always is, maybe this time....
"We were kissing again, my sperm-soaked mouth against his lips, then both our mouths opening, the surfaces of our tongues gliding together, then his tongue darting about madly as though to show me what it could do to my pussy. I couldn't resist.
"It's what he wants, I kept telling myself, as I rolled down my panty hose, the most antisex-ual contraption ever invented. God, it's worse than slipping in a diaphragm. He needs this too, Maria. You aren't being selfish. It's all right. I left my uniform and my cap on, partly for safety's sake, in case I'd have to make a quick leap from the bed, and partly because I know the virgin white of a nurse's uniform is one terriffic turn-on. Or so I've been told.
"So I mounted the pillow, my sopping cunt spread above his face, still harboring slight fears of various kinds. This was new. But damn, if he couldn't do it, I could pitch in and help with my own hands. Guys did that plenty of times before I really learned how to suck cocks.
"His fingertips gently traversed the moist surface, examining every tiny crevice and bump as though he didn't know what pussies were like. I was sure hoping he knew, though. He stroked gently, though, like a man who's had plenty of experience. My tender flesh tingled at every touch. Yes, he knew how to make me want more. He could read my mind as I had read his and knew that the ultimate arousal lies in anticipation of going a step further, imagining that step, craving it ... a low scream rising within, yes, he knew.
"He had not yet touched my clitoris. He circled it, rubbed the lips around it, approached it only to turn back as though it were something too scared to be touched causually with lingers and harsh fingernails. And all I could think of was how his tongue, with its rough and slick surface would feel licking and lapping at it.
"He made me wait a few moments longer before gesturing for me to lower myself, which I did gladly. His tongue was magnificently agile. He could twirl it in any direction, point it, make a tunnel out of the middle of it. God, what a tongue. Again, though, he avoided my clitoris with what seemed to be deliberate intention.
"What if he doesn't know? Oh, my God, what if he thinks it's all in the vagina, that horrible myth that frustrated at lease one generation of women after being told all their troubles were sexual anyway! Probably some guys think girls are just cunts, holes, receptacles with nothing external that really counts. I'd soon know where he stood and I was going to be terribly disappointed if he happened to be one of the unenlightened ones.
"But he knew, of course, he knew. How silly of me to have thought otherwise. His tongue was now getting closer and closer, no not yet touching, but approaching, teasing. And as I waited, utterly distraught by the suspense, I knew my clitoris was bulging outward more and more, the blood rushing to it, making it hard and erect even though he still hadn't touched it at all. What fantastic agony! What expertise he had! So few, so very few men really know how to lift a girl to such heights of sensation.
"More! More!' I yelled at last, unable to contain myself.
"Now he brought his teeth against me, against the lips, the edges. His tongue was pointed directly at my clit, I was sure, and I wished I could make this small but magifi-cently sensitive organ of mine larger, wished I could make it reach out to that tongue, for that was what I wanted now more than anything else in the whole world. Either the scraping of the top of his tongue or the wet softness underneath would do. Anything! Anything! Please, can't you tell how I'm dying for it, perishing at your exquisite torture. Please give me more, give me what I want, hurt me if you must, but do something here where I need it so badly.
"No, I said none of this out loud, somehow feeling that I should hide the extreme desperation of my desires. I wondered how much he understood of what I really felt, really craved. He seemed so certain of his technique. So are other men, but this one really had a right to be confident. He knew how to drive a girl wild.
"His teeth gnawed at me hungrily. He loves this, I know, loves this the way I love to suck cock. For its own sake and nothing else.
"His tongue, oh, my God, how close it gets, then stops just short of the goal. Closer and closer. Now? Almost, yes, but he whips it away again. Oh, the bastard, the beautiful bastard.
"Ohhhhhhhh,' I scream, totally forgetting where I am and who I am, for he has just grazed the tender underside of it, yes, right where I want it and I want more. More!
"And now his tongue darts alternately from my clit to my hole, not lingering at either spot, making me hotter and hotter in both places. And it's good. Each spot is so sensitized now that I hardly know which I prefer. Fast and furious he works, this marvelous lover.
"Back and forth from my hole to my clit, clit to hole, again and again with swiftness and concentration such as I thought no man was capable of.
"Why do I say that? As I thought no man was . . . ? Because I've had so little success with men, sexually, I mean. Only a few do it right, somehow.
"And I'll confess - I have to, don't I? - what I thought of as my No. 14, my hospital lover, was giving me these delightful ministrations. Yes, I stopped thinking of him. I remembered Claudine and the time we went to Big Sur and camped on the beach.
"I'm not a lesbian. I've never had an experience of that sort before or since, but I have a hard time forgetting it----"
"We were friends, nothing more, and I never expected anything out of the ordinary to happen. But we were so alike, both brunette, slender, slim legged, firm breasted. Looking at her was like looking in a mirror somehow.
"Yes, as his tongue lapped at me furiously I remembered waking up to the sound of the rushing waves to feel Claudine's soft fingertips prying apart my thighs. It was like a dream, and anything can happen in dreams, so I didn't protest. In fact, I had no idea that it was real. I lay there as her fingers progressed from my thighs to the tender flesh between, which was wet, terribly wet.
"And I remember her whispering, 'We both want this,' clasping me in her arms as she did so.
"And I think I said, 'Yes.'
"Yes,' that's what I was saying now to my hospital lover, my No. 14, and somehow it was as though I was saying it again to Claudine.
"His tongue, all curled and pointed, penetrated my gaping hole, prodding as deeply as it could, scraping the sides, making me think of cock, how great it would be to have a cock inside me, his cock, anybody's cock____
"But as he drew his tongue out, my memories of Claudine returned, for now he was very gently sucking at me, sort of drawing my clit into him. I remember how I felt when Claudine did that, so expertly, so much better than any man had ever done. How beautiful it was as we lay there, our supple bodies entwined, as she did everything I'd always wanted, knowing what to do, for she too was a woman, a creature so like me, my mirror image. And strangely, as she lay on top of me, grinding her mound against mine in a desperate attempt to get closer, closer than was possible, I wished that she had a penis, for somehow it was not quite enough....
"Then, the darting and the lapping of her tongue into me as far as it would go, and I pretended it was a penis. How strange, how incredible it all was! And how feverishly passionate I became, squirming against her and thrusting my clitoris against her, wishing it were larger, wishing there was someway we could really fit, just as I was squirming against this anonymous creature under me now, wanting more and more.
"Claudine knew how to make up for my impossible longings, for the feverish lashing of her tongue drove me to heights of pleasure hitherto unknown. Tinglings of sensation that traveled up my spine and even made the back of my head feel strange. Fire and ice, that's what it was like, the extremes of sensation, the oppo-sites that converge in the wildest possible of ecstasies.
"Oh, Claudine ... why must I think of Claudine? Why can't I focus on this nice young male creature beneath me, whose tongue is so very like hers? Why? But I must. Even as he sucks so gently, bites without giving pain, produces every perfect sensation, I remember the rushing of the waves, the dim quarter-moon, the uniting of two bodies so much alike.
"Faster and faster, ever more deliciously, traversing only the underside of my clit before sinking into my hole. What a tongue! What tingling! My whole body trembling now, I squirm. I thrust, even. I don't care what I do, I'm going to get mine. I close my eyes and it's Claudine's face I see as my body becomes lost in sheer rapture.
"Now, yes, a slight pounding, rising from somewhere deep inside me. The best of an ancient drum, the beat of a heart, the rhythm of the universe and somehow it's Claudine's tongue that is evoking this, bringing me to this point of no return. My pussy swells and expands and for one brief moment it's like hearing a high-pitched sound, a primal cry, yes, accompanied by a flash of light and the blessing of the gods. For I have passed the gateway to paradise now. I hover on the very brink, the headlong precipice.
"And I plunge downward once more, way down, down, down, my pussy breaking into a flurry of shudders, pounding, pulsating, throbbing ... like the waves that crash. Claudine!
"And suddenly I'm sobbing. Not because it isn't Claudine, I knew that all along, but because I've deceived this young man, this perfect young man. Deceived him because he alone couldn't do what it took, only my fantasy, my recurrent fantasy could get me there.
"Hey, remember I'm a sick man,' he was saying.
"Did I hurt you?' I gasped fearfully, my sobs ceasing.
"No, but you surprised me a little. That was strong. With most girls it's never that strong, no matter how hard you try. It was great!'
"Yeah, it was,' I said quietly, smiling down at his youthful, handsome face.
"And I loved it. I loved it every bit as much as you did. Don't forget that.'
"I had to hurry back to the main station and get on with my chores. But that wasn't the only time this kind of thing happened. Yes, I usually made excuses, tried to avoid it, then succumbed to his expert treatment which brought me to pinnacles of passion no less intense than that first time. One of these days he'll be discharged and I'll be sorry to see him go. Because he got me over the fear that I might really be a lesbian. He really did, by eventually making me respond to him. Of course, I kept sucking his cock, just as fervently as ever....
"As for No. 8, it was a big day for me when I heard his bandages were to be taken off. I could hardly wait to see if his face was everything it should be to go with that marvelously structured body of his. And I'd been sucking him off practically every day, never knowing what he looked like.
"I wasn't on hand for the removal of the bandages, though both a surgical nurse and a doctor were. I tried to suppress my interest when they returned from the room to note the progress on his chart.
"Of course, I was prepared for the worst. Possibility of plastic surgery, loss of sight - either of these were things that could happen. His speech should be normal, though, for there'd been no severe throat injury, only a broken jaw.
"I waited for the earliest possible opportunity to go see him, not wanting to hear the news from someone else. At last I crept to his room.
"I wasn't disappointed, for there on the pillow was the swarthy face I'd expected, full cheeked with excellent bone structure. His eyebrows, which had been shaved, were growing in thick and heavy, dark, of course, like the rest of his hair. And I knew from his eyes that he could see. There was an instant response, though, of course, he didn't know that I was the nurse, the one who'd been sucking him off all this time.
"I let him know by means of the signal he'd given me, three taps on the table. And he smiled weakly. His face probably still hurt, I realized, but he seemed pleased at seeing me.
"I went to the door, put out the sign and pushed in the lock. Then I approached the lower edge of the bed. Without even peaking under the covers I could tell that old faithful was rising. Then I lifted the sheet.
"There it was, the object of my cock worship, tall, thick, and hard. Slowly I approached it with my hungry lips. I looked at his face now to see how he was responding to my uninvited overture.
"Much to my surprise, he was shaking his head. I was crushed, really crushed.
"It's not that I don't like you,' he said in a voice that was scarcely more than a whisper. 'It's that I love you.'
"I was stricken. Flattered, of course, but disturbed. What was I going to do now. I didn't dare let him get hung up, serious.
"Yes, he tried to talk me into marrying him, telling me about the property he'd inherited in Alabama and how we could raise peaches and children and all that. Oh, God, he thought I was just another cunt. Just another husband-hungry cunt. He was soon transferred to another ward, and though I promised to come see him, I didn't. I hoped that there he'd meet some nurse who was ready and willing to accept what he had to offer.
"Because I was a long way from being ready for marriage of any kind, wasn't I? Of course, the Alabama bit would have been all wrong, but so would any kind of permanent commitment just then.
"Yes, the day I started sobbing hysterically for no reason at all in the nurses' lounge, one of the other nurses, one of the cock-sucking nurses came up and said to me, 'Gets to you after a while, doesn't it?'
"That's all she said, but I knew what she meant. I wasn't sure what was wrong, but I knew very well something was."
The fact that Maria recognizes a problem in her sexual nature is encouraging in itself. Her subconscious longing for love, affection, and, through those, a more meaningful personal relationship, is apparent from her search for fulfillment through sexual liaisons, and is a healthy sign. It is more than likely that her obsessive remembrance of the lesbian tryst with Claudine - the first sexual encounter in which she had, judging from her narration, been able to attain orgasm - was a mental block the memory of which provoked doubts in her mind concerning her basically heterosexual nature. Her sexual success with the patient she refers to as "No. 14," however, was a definitely positive step. The oral nature of the relationship, although appearing to be strongly compulsive-obsessive, will probably, with proper therapy, be sublimated to its proper perspective and out of the potentially perverse position it has occupied in Maria's libido. Overall, the prognosis has to be one of optimism.
Chapter Three
A Woman's Touch
"The room I was in was so obviously a man's room, in spite of all the expensive trinkets and furniture, that I would have known there was no Mrs. B-even if the agency hadn't told me.
"You look very young to be an experienced nurse,' the tall, graying man commented finally, after giving me a thorough looking over. 'My son is unable to walk, and since I travel a great deal and the housekeeper is only here days, I need a dependable nurse to stay with Robert. A woman as young, as - well, attractive as you would want to date, I should think. I need someone full time.'
"I felt a moment of pure panic. I had to get this job. I had less than a dollar in my purse, no place to stay, and a maniac husband I was trying to avoid. 'Mr. B-,' I stammered, hoping my desperation didn't show, 'this is exactly the sort of job I want. I've left my husband and intend getting a divorce. I'm not interested in running around or dating. It's true I haven't had much experience as a nurse, and all of that caring for elderly people, but I'm sure I can take care of your son. From what the agency said, I assume you needed someone who would be on hand at all times, more a live-in baby-sitter, really, than a nurse. I'm very dependable. If you'd like to hire me on a trial basis, that would be all right.' I had to get this job!
"Let me introduce you to my son. I think the trial basis is a good idea. Let's say a week. By then we should know if it's going to work or not.'
"I was so relieved I was nearly skipping as I followed Mr. B-down the hall.
"Rob? This is Irene T-. Your new nurse.'
"He was buried in a book, which he reluctantly laid aside. I was surprised to see that Robert was about my own age. He was very handsome, with dark unsmiling eyes which burned right through me. 'She'll do, Dad,' he said finally. Then he turned back to his book and I was free to go to my room and put away my pathetically few belongings.
"The job would be easy. Outside of accompanying Robert on his infrequent wheelchair trips around the estate, I had only to administer medicine, keep Robert clean, comfortable and amused, and be on the grounds at all times. I sat down on the comfortable bed and tried to piece together the events which had brought me to this house.
"Three nights before, I had been unfaithful for the first time in four years of marriage. Three nights before, I had been caught in the act of being unfaithful, and my husband had attempted to beat my ass blue.
"I guess the whole thing started before I married Tom. Why I married him is a mystery. We'd gone to bed a half-dozen times, and each time it had been the same. He would grab me, spread my legs, pump his come into my womb, then roll off and go to sleep. Tom was handsome, though, and he excited me. I wasn't a virgin the first time with Tom, but none of the guys I'd slept with were much better, either. Besides, I guess I thought I could teach Tom the right way to love me after we were married.
"That was a joke. On me. Tom loved to fuck. His way. He wanted it nearly every night, and every night it was the same. He'd feel the need, grab me, take off whatever clothing was directly in the way, then fuck me, jamming his big prick up me fast and hard until he shot his load into me. Then he would roll off and fall into a snoring, contented sleep, leaving me wide-awake on the bed, nerves screaming, pussy wet and empty. Once in a while I'd be so frantically in need I'd manage to come as soon as he plunged that dick of his into my cunt, but usually I'd fall asleep unfulfilled and miserable. Tom was one of those men who thought that any sex other than fucking was abnormal, and the first beating he ever gave me was when I timidly suggested he kiss my pussy before fucking it, to get me in the mood. I forgave him afterwards, figuring that he had been pretty drunk. But I never suggested any novel sex games again after that.
"That's why my first 'introduction' to Greg was so funny. Tom had met him in some bar, brought him home for a drink, and listened to him relate, in exquisite detail, the blow job he'd been given a few nights before. I had already gone to bed, but not to sleep. Tom's fucking of the night before had left me tense and aching, and I'd decided to take care of it my own way. My hand was getting me all worked up when the two of them came in. They went to the kitchen and began to drink. I kept very still, hoping Tom would think I was asleep.
"Greg's voice was deep. Soon I was listening. It disgusted me that Tom was egging Greg on to give details When I knew how he looked down on people who used their mouths sexually.
"In spite of my disgust, though, I found myself getting excited as Greg raved about how this girl had sucked his cock. I became so hot I started playing with myself again, sure that neither man would come anywhere near the bedroom. Soon I was so worked up that I couldn't hear their words anymore, so I drifted off on a little fantasy of my own, imagining myself the girl Greg was talking about. What would it be like to suck cock? Obviously she had enjoyed it. I thought about parting my lips and letting a big penis penetrate my mouth while I rubbed my stiff little clitoris. The image didn't turn me off. Far from it. I could almost taste the massive prick, could almost feel the big slippery head enter my throat.... I recalled a time when I wondered what Tom would do if I woke him up from his nap by kissing his cock. But I hadn't dared.... The girl Greg was talking about might have dared....
"I was totally wrapped up in my thoughts and the wonderful sensation between my legs, so wrapped up that I failed to notice that no sound was coming from the other room. It wasn't until the door burst open and Greg staggered into the room that I came out of it. But it was too late. I reached for the sheet, but Greg pushed it away. Through the opened door I saw Tom bent over the kitchen table, snoring deeply.
"Greg sat down on the bed, his eyes all over me. 'You were listening to us talk, huh?' he asked, his eyes centering on my naked tits.
"I tried once again to cover myself, but suddenly it didn't matter as much. A warm flush colored my skin, and I found myself noticing how handsome Greg was, how well he was built. Tom was out cold. He probably wouldn't wake up for hours. Maybe not until morning. This wouldn't be the first time he'd spent the night on a chair. Then Greg reached out and began to squeeze one of my breasts. I forgot all about Tom.
"Yeah, you were listening.' He grinned drunk-enly at me and squeezed harder. 'Ever suck cock, honey?' He began to fumble with his pants. 'I hear you're a nurse....'
"In the near darkness I watched, fascinated, as he pulled his enormous prick out of his pants. It was hard and blunt-headed. He waved it in my direction like a magic wand.
"Why don't you nurse on this awhile?' Greg reached for my head and pulled me to him. 'But first....' His lips crushed mine and his tongue filled my mouth. I let him kiss me, powerless to resist, feeling my body turn hot and cold by turns as the rough fabric of his clothing rubbed against my nakedness.
"Then his hand tightened on the nape of my neck and I was being propelled towards his throbbing cock. The head of it pressed demand-ingly against my lips, and a bitter-sweet scent of male sweat was everywhere. I don't know what happened to me, but all of a sudden I was aware of the pain in his huge prick, the straining need, and I knew that by opening my mouth and taking it inside I could relieve that terrible, wonderful pressure. And I wanted to! I wanted to almost as much as he wanted me to. I let my lips relax, and almost at once I was being invaded. The broad knob shoved its way into my mouth, then down to my throat while the rest of him filled my mouth. It was like being fucked for the first time, only more so, more personal, as I could feel with my sensitive tongue every cell of the giant prick lodged in my mouth.
"He just had me hold still, giving his cock a chance to rest in my mouth. I felt unbelievably wild and free, spread out naked on the bed with an enormous prick between my lips while my husband slept unaware in the next room. My pussy was thick with the juice of my excitement, and I couldn't seem to control my legs. Then Greg began rocking his prick back and forth in my mouth, and without expecting it or thinking about it at all, I came, a hot bubble of passion so full it burst without warning. I moaned as Greg, unaware of my unexpected orgasm, continued rocking his prick in my mouth.
"I'd never given that much thought to cock-sucking before. Unlike Tom, I had no big ideas of what was normal and what wasn't, but never did I imagine it could be anything like this. Sucking Greg's cock was the most erotic thing I'd ever done, and I never wanted to stop. I knew I was only seconds away from my next orgasm. I could feel its warning tingles. I guess Greg was close to coming also, though his dick had only been in me a few minutes, because neither of us heard Tom get up.
"The next few minutes were a nightmare of screaming and pain. Tom ripped me away from Greg. His hand crashed across my cheek and his voice was a roar in my ear. Then another blow struck and I was on the floor. My naked ass was a fine target for his rage. I was screaming and waiting for the next blow when I realized that Tom was fighting Greg. Seeing my chance, I grabbed some clothing and ran, dressing in the front hall while I grabbed my purse, a coat, and a few dollars. I'd spent the next two nights in cheap hotels, and now I was safe and sound, tucked away in the B-'s elegant home.
"I stretched on the bed and smiled. In spite of all the trouble, the memory of what had happened still excited me. Never before had I come without being touched! Without thinking, I touched my full, soft lips with my fingertips and wondered if Greg had enjoyed the few minutes we'd had together. He'd certainly ended up earning them.
"A small light by my bed flashed and a little bell rang, announcing that Robert needed something. I hurried to his room.
"I'd like to be bathed before dinner, Irene. His voice was flat, but his eyes sparked with "a touch of interest.
"I prepared a tray of water and got the cloth and soap, hiding my surprise. Robert was paralyzed from the knees down, yet I got the distinct feeling I was supposed to bathe him. Or maybe he was just wanting me to bring him his things. His arms were muscular and healthy looking, so I didn't offer to help him out of his things.
"He stared at me a moment, then shrugged off his pajama shirt. He stared at me curiously while I stood still like a dummy. Actually, I was admiring his naked torso. Robert B-was a fine-looking man. It seemed a tragedy that he couldn't walk. It wasn't until his eyes on me began to look definitely irritated that it occurred to me to do something with his pants. 'Oh!' I undid the waistband, angry at myself for being so slow. I had to keep this job!
"My nursing experience was little, and there was something very different about undressing a young, good-looking man than an old one. The men I'd undressed in the nursing home were more like things' than men, and it was as easy to ignore their penises as it was an animal's. But Robert had a flat belly, slim hips, and a line of dark curling hair that became a jungle as I carefully pulled the pants downwards. My face reddened as I found it difficult to keep my eyes from his cock. It was a big cock, with a velvety head a few shades darker than the thick shaft. His balls were low and huge, and I caught myself wondering what he did about it, if he had any lover other than his fist.
"Robert saw my eyes brush his cock. He smiled slightly as I skimmed the pants all the way off, this time carefully avoiding his prick. I busily arranged his bathing things and prepared to leave.
"You may begin bathing me now, Irene.'
"Your back, sir?' I asked. His prick seemed to be in the line of my eyes at all times.
"His laugh was full. 'All over, Irene! You are a nurse, aren't you? You sound more like a schoolgirl to me!'
"I blushed furiously and grabbed the cloth. It was the image of Greg's cock nearing my mouth that was making me behave this way! I was a nurse, Robert was my patient, and if I didn't stop this nonsense I would end up jobless and on the street. I began to wash him.
"Hey, take it easy! I'm not that dirty, am I? Just rub nice and easy, Irene, okay?'
"I was so embarrassed by that time I was ready to cry. Instead I got very businesslike. I washed him professionally and thoroughly, then handed him the cloth to finish his privates.
"He stared at the cloth as if he didn't understand what it was for. 'Finish, Irene. Go ahead.'
"I hesitated only a moment. Ordinarily, a patient who was capable of washing himself there, washed himself. A nurse wasn't obligated to offer other services. But I had made such a fool of myself I no longer knew if this was a required part of the routine, or if Robert was just trying to test me. I wasn't familiar enough with his medical history to know his physical limitations. I finally decided to do whatever he asked of me, within reasonable limits. I picked up the cloth, got it soapy, and began washing his hairy groin.
"Keeping my eyes casual while washing his prick was a problem. I was careful to touch it with the rag only. Even so, it felt good in my hand. I worked quickly, my heart racing, then slid the cloth down and over his balls, between his thighs, and swabbed between the cheeks of his ass. By the time I washed the soap away my hands were shaking. I dried his balls first, then patted at his cock. I did a good job of ignoring the fact that the bulge under my hand was rapidly growing, but when I pulled away, his prick, huge and twitching, leaped up toward me.
"It's not dry enough yet, Irene....' He looked down at the monster jutting up from his loins.
"As if hypnotized I let the cloth cover him again, and my hand was a little stronger as I patted his aching flesh. I knew I should make some sort of joke and get busy putting away the bath things, but my cunt was suddenly crying with desire, the little droplets of moisture warning me that I was rapidly approaching a danger point.
"That feels nice. Rub a little harder, nurse.' His sculptured lips were curved into a smirk. 'You're pretty, Irene. Is your hair really blonde? Oh, that feels so good, Irene. You sure are a fine nurse, honey.
"My face was flaming, but somehow I couldn't seem to let go of his prick. It was so huge in my hand, so wonderfully hard---- I knew I was crazy to be doing this. I wasn't in the house two hours and already I was playing with my patient's cock. If his dad got wind of this, or the housekeeper, I'd be out on my butt and the agency would never find me a job again. But even while I was calling myself all sorts of names my hand was still clutching his dick, the cloth separating my flesh from his a meaningless joke.
"How did Robert like it? I wondered. Was he able to actually fuck girls? From time to time he must have had other young nurses. Certainly in time they would have to respond to his beautiful cock. Images of girls sitting on his dick did nothing to cool me off any. My hand dropped to his balls. They were very big.
"Play with my prick some more, Irene. It needs to be taken care of nice. Ah ... that's it. That feels nice----"
"Maybe he got by with having a hand job from a willing girl now and then. Fucking would certainly be too difficult. If I did it for him, what could I get out of it? Would he play with my pussy? If so, would it be any better than when I played with it myself? But all the questions were a waste of time. I had his cock in my hand and I wasn't about to let go of it. Besides, if there was nothing in it for me, even, I would still want to do it, I decided. Poor Robert, he was confined to this house, to this bed for the most part, and if I could make life a bit more pleasant I would. This, essentially, was why I got into nursing in the first place.
"Get rid of the towel, honey. I want to feel your hand against me----' His eyes were closed now, and his throbbing cock was very stiff.
"I started to drop the towel when I distinctly heard his father coming down the hall. Fortunately he was talking to the housekeeper, so I was able to pull on Robert's trousers and help him with his shirt before they entered the room. Robert was buried in a book, his hard cock hidden by the folds of the blanket, and I was fussing with the bath things by the time they came in with steaming trays of food.
"I thought we'd all have dinner together tonight,' Mr. B- announced. He helped the housekeeper set up a table. 'I have to make it quick, though. I have a business meeting tonight.' He glanced at his watch.
"Although the dinner was delicious I could barely eat a bite. Robert also seemed to have little appetite. Allthrough the meal I kept remembering the feel of his cock in my hand. As my mouth closed around the fork I remembered how my lips had closed around Greg's prick. I glanced over at Robert. He caught my eyes on him and immediately looked down at his well-covered lap. It was almost as if he had read my mind. It was hard to keep my mind on dinner and the pleasant, light conversation Mr. B initiated.
"Finally dinner was over and Robert's father had to leave. I followed him to the door, assured him again that his son was safe in my hands, barely managing to restrain a giggle. Mrs. H-, the housekeeper, left a few moments later. Then, trembling, I went to my own room.
"I wasn't there five minutes when the bell and light told me Robert needed something. I knew what he wanted, and on shaking legs I went, prepared to give it to him.
"Where were we?' Robert pushed back the covers and opened his pajama pants enough to expose his partially erect cock.
"I came over to him and sat down at the edge of the bed. His prick was very red and thick, and as much as I wanted to touch it I was suddenly struck by the weirdness of my desire for it. I wanted to take his cock, kiss it, lick it, suck on it.... I wanted to blow him, to do all those fascinating things Greg's girl had done to him, the things I hadn't had a chance to do to him, the things Tom would never allow me to do....
"Robert's dark eyes fixed on mine for a long moment. 'I know you're wondering what we can do, Irene. Me being crippled, I mean. I can't fuck you, baby. But I can do other things, better things. I can do things to you with my hands, my lips, my tongue.... Things that will drive you out of your mind. And I'm going to use that mouth of yours, Irene, that beautiful mouth.... Come here, Irene....'
"I suppose that was the moment for making a choice. If there really was any choice to make. It never even entered my mind. All I thought about was that at last it was going to happen to me, the thing I'd been waiting- for. Desire sent a shock of unreal intensity through my cunt as I allowed Robert's strong arms to pull me down to him----"
In Irene's case we have what almost amounts to a case of oral nymphomania, in that she actively desires to participate in either mutual oral stimulation or simple oral stimulation of the male to the point of ejaculation. The nymphomania label aprlies because she desires the oral activity for oral ism itself, as a physical means of gratification, with no emotional or mental effects. In other words, she doesn't care who the man is, so long as he is willing and able to take part in an oral sex episode.
The fact that she is running from a situation which could no longer be tolerated, a husband seeking to punish her for infidelity, and a sexual situation in which she was unable to achieve gratification basically has nothing to do with the oral aspects of her case. Had she not been introduced to oral sex acts by her husband's friend she would undoubtedly have ended up in a position where she would have been seeking sexual gratification through more normal means. The point was that she was seeking a more complete and fulfilling psychosex-ual situation, with the infidelity episode merely precipitating the crisis and the oral aspects merely giving direction to the form of fulfillment she was ready to accept. As Dr. Norman Powers wrote in the Psychiatric Journal of Great Britain:
Sexual desire is undoubtedly the most demanding of satisfaction. While moral codes, both those of society and that of the individual, may delineate what is and is not acceptable in sexual expression, such codes cannot stand up to a well-developed condition of sexual desire. In other areas a person may want something, but deny the wanting of it because of other, overriding, considerations. This is seldom the case with sexual desire, however. Indeed, I am of the opinion that a great percentage of mental disorders can be traced directly to the attempted suppression of a strong sexual desire.
It is noted that, aside from her desire to experience an oral sex episode, Irene had other strong reasons for participating in the acts she has described. To keep away from the potential violence of her husband, to secure a place to live, to insure a food supply, and to attain at least a small degree of financial security, she undoubtedly would have been willing to partake of the oral sex act, even if she had not been introduced to it earlier.
The fact that she discovered that she enjoyed it greatly was merely an added bonus.
"We kissed for what seemed forever, then I felt his hand on my thigh. I wiggled a little so that he could reach between my thighs.
"Touch my cock, Irene. Go ahead, play with it. Spread your legs a little more____That's it. You aren't wearing anything under those things, are you?'
"My hand started rubbing his dick as I parted my thighs. 'No, nothing,' I sighed.
"He pushed me away from him. 'Now get up and strip, Irene. I want a good look at you. I want to see if you really are a blonde. I want to see you without that white outfit. But keep those things on, the stocking things. Hurry up, Irene, honey.'
"I got up and turned down the lights, leaving one dim lamp lit. Then I went to work on the row of tiny buttons on my uniform. I'd bought the uniform before applying for this job, and now I wished I'd gotten one with a zipper. My fingers trembled as I undid the top, and I avoided Robert's eyes. Finally I was done, and half-turning I let the wisp of snowy uniform float to the carpet. I wore a white lacy bra and a pair of sheer white panty hose. Oh, and a standard nurse's cap on my short blonde hair. I didn't bother with that at all. Shivering, I undid my bra. It fell to the carpet next to my uniform. I turned slowly, giving Robert a good look at my tits. I was proud of them, and Tom had always been wild about them. They were high and full, small enough to never become sloppy, yet large enough to overflow any man's hand. My nipples were on the large side, but I have yet to hear a complaint about them.
"A real blonde,' Robert admitted slowly, his eyes glued to my crotch. The sheer panty hose were taut across my crotch, and the nest of buttery hair pushed through the mesh of nylon here and there. I started to remove the pants but Robert stopped me.
"No, leave them on. You look cute with that hat and those stocking things. And those naked tits. Come here.' He held out his arms.
"I went to him, standing by the bed. His hand reached out and began to rub my pussy. I felt very naked in the tights, and very bold. I spread my legs, threw back my head, and let him play with my cunt all he wanted to. I was so caught up by the sensations in my body I was taken by surprise when he replaced his hand with his face. All at once there was a wet tongue licking at my crotch.
"Moaning, I clutched at Robert's head. His face was pressed hard against my cunt. I staggered back a step, but since that put me beyond reach of Robert's lapping tongue I moved forward again, eager for more. I wished the panty hose were off. They blocked his tongue from slipping up into my juicing hole. But he seemed to be doubly excited by the outfit. Then, as quickly as the tongue had begun its wild asault, it stopped. I was being pulled down onto the bed with Robert.
"Now suck me a little, honey. Suck me. Be a good little nurse and make this better. God, my prick is hard as a rock. Put it in your mouth, Irene. Go ahead.'
"Groaning, I allowed his strong hands to push my head down towards his lap. My pussy began to pound with a stronger urgency than before. He stopped pushing when his cock was a few inches from my lips.
"Suck it, Irene! Take it in your mouth! I know you suck cock! You were damn near licking your sexy lips when you were looking at it before____Lick it, honey----'
"I moaned and, propelled by a desire stronger than shame, I began to lick the head of his cock. I ran my tongue around the underside of his prick, licking harder when I felt him begin to shudder.
"That feels good! Now take it in your mouth. Suck on it!' Robert moaned, pressing down again on my head.
"My heart was pounding against my ribs as I allowed my lips to part. Robert's lovely prick slid into my mouth slowly. I felt a shock go through my pussy as I took the whole head in my mouth and began to suck on it. It was exactly as if a finger were flicking my clitoris.
"Yes! That's the way! Take all of it in your mouth. Yes____That's it____More----'
"I felt my cunt begin to convulse as I took his entire prick into my throat. It was exactly as if his cock was lodged in my pussy, stroking me. Only better, because no cock had ever done to my cunt what Robert's prick was doing to me now. I gagged as I took every last inch of it in, but it didn't matter - I was coming, groaning against the hairy base of his belly, screaming silently inside as I spasmed without touching myself at all.
"Robert knew. He held my head tightly to his belly and seemed to fight against having an orgasm of his own. 'My God! I knew you loved it!' His hand touched the absurd little cap, still pinned to my hair. That's the kind of nurse I needed ... yes----You'll fix me good, baby. Real good...."
"I eased up a bit as my spasms passed. His cock was harder than ever. I began a slow, experimental flickering of my tongue up and back across the shaft, then wrapped it around his prick. Moving faster, I began to suck him all the way into my mouth again. Immediately I felt myself growing excited all over again.
"Ooh ... that feels so good____I want to do it to you, too. I'm going to come, and I want to be eating that pretty little pussy of yours, Irene, when I do. Get naked, honey. Hurry.'
"Reluctantly I let Robert's fat prick slip out of my eager mouth. I stood up, stared at the glistening rod I'd been sucking, and began to pull down the white stockings. But he stopped me when they were to my knees.
"Come here, Irene. Leave them on like that.' His voice was thick. 'I've had nurses around me all my life, honey, but never anything like this. Never.'
"His eyes were glazed and his voice was as hypnotic as the staff between his thighs. I moved my eyes from his down to his prick, then up again. Then I started towards him.
"Robert watched me move, his gaze burning into my cunt. 'All my life I've needed taking care of, and only once in a great while was there a nurse who really understood my needs.' He grasped his cock tightly. 'This has been needing a woman's touch ... a woman's lips. - '
"I moved to him quickly, instinctively knowing just what to do. I straddled his head carefully, my nurse's training restraining my movements so as not to disturb this special patient of mine. I arched myself over his torso, my face towards his groin, my pussy directly over his mouth. The rolled panty hose were obscenely stretched across his head. When I was firmly in position, I lowered my lips to his cock and pressed my cunt to his face.
"His tongue darted out and lapped at the trench between my furry lips. I bucked uncontrollably at the wave of ecstasy that rocked my flesh as the tongue worked further into my hole. I sighed weakly, then opened my mouth and sucked Robert's big cock into my hot, wet mouth.
"At first it was impossible to concentrate on both things at once. I would just get into the wonderful feeling of his thick prick in my mouth when the demanding tongue in my cunt would tease my tensed clitoris and that would drive all else from my mind. I felt as if I were strung out between two worlds, one of pure, ecstatic giving, and the other an Eden of taking. It was impossible to qualify them. But at last a flash of what Robert had said about the kind of nurse he'd been needing crossed my consciousness.
"There had been a reason why I'd gone into nursing in the first place, aside from the financial consideration, no small matter when you were Tom's wife. I had a real, a strong, need to mother, to care for others. A desire to give of the self in some personal way. And this was the way I was needed now, by Robert. Perhaps that was why I'd stayed with Tom so long, for so little real pleasure. He'd needed me as a receptacle for his hot come. But with Tom there had always been something so impersonal, so distant, like my cunt was a thing removed from me. But with Greg, and now with Robert, I was controlling the whole thing, taking him into my mouth to satisfy his needs, delicately and deliberately ministering to the desires of the man's most sensitive and immediate self. My reward would also be real, a hot spray of semen.... All of a sudden my eagerness for Robert's come to fill my mouth was uncontrollable. I began sucking him frantically, aware yet not concerned with the wonderful tongue-work in my cunt.
"Robert responded to the increase in my sucking by moaning into my wet pussy. He gripped my thighs tightly, and the fact that I would be covered with blue-black finger marks only increased my desire to suck him wildly. It was as if I'd been doing it for years, as if I knew from long experience exactly how to thrill a man with my mouth. I even knew exactly at what stage he was, knew precisely when his balls bunched up for the explosion, knew just when to suck all of him into my mouth so that his boiling load could explode all over the inside of my throat....
"Robert ripped his face from my cunt and clutched me even more tightly. 'Oh! My God! I'm coming! Take it! I'm shooting in your mouth! Swallow it! Swallow my come!'
"I felt him shoot into my mouth, spray the back of my throat with his creamy juice. His cheek was pressed against my pussy, and just as my mouth filled with Robert's long-overdue ejaculation, I came again, a slow, thrilling orgasm which left me sobbing against his big balls, my mouth still dripping with come.
"When finally I was able to get up off the bed Robert was nearly asleep. He smiled up at me as I hastily dressed for my trip to the bedroom next door.
"That was wonderful, Irene. You're the best nurse I ever had. I'm going to need a lot more nursing. Every day. And night....'
"I covered his sleeping body tenderly and returned to my room, happy and a little tired. My life was happening so fast there was no time to reflect on it at all. But I had a job, and there was no doubt now that Robert would tell his father that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I clicked on the light in my room, a big smile plastered to my lips, lips which still tasted of come.
"Mr. B-was seated in the chair by the table, his arms folded, his face dark with rage. He got up as I entered the room.
"My smile died a quick death. 'Mr. B-!' I dropped into a chair, my legs giving out under me. 'What are you... ?'
"You bitch! You whore! I saw you in there with my son! I stopped in to see Robert as soon as I got home, and you were so busy, the two of you, you didn't even hear me! I saw what you were doing to my son! I hired you to take care of him, not to___to___to suck his cock!' he exploded furiously. 'I hired a nurse for my son, not a whore for him!"
"I was in a state of panic. At first I didn't know what to do. I wanted to protest, explain myself, explain that I wasn't really that kind of woman. I wanted to beg his forgiveness, plead with him to let me keep this job, or, failing that, plead with him to not tell the agency why I was fired. I might have done any of these things, maybe all of them, perhaps none; only, crying with frustration and humiliation, I let my eyes drop to his lap.
"His prick was as hard as his son's had been. The bulge in his expensive trousers made the fury in his voice and eyes a lie! In spite of himself, Mr. B- was excited by what he had seen. He'd walked in on us while I was sucking his son off, wearing nothing, probably, but my nurse's cap and the white panty hose. And what he'd seen had given him an enormous erection!
"All of a sudden I saw a way out of the problem confronting me, and a way to keep my job. More than that, the rise in his trousers assured me that Mr. B - , respectable businessman and widower, needed some special nursing as badly as his son.
"I closed my ears to his tirade and moved closer to him, nearly touching him before he realized I'd gotten out of the chair. 'I've heard what you had to say, now it's only fair you hear my side of it, Mr. B-. Then if you want me to go, fine, I'll clear out right away. But first be fair enough to hear me out, okay?'
"He tried to take a step backwards and away from me, but the wall blocked his move. Slowly he nodded. "I could see his excitement, even from where I stood, inches from his body. I rubbed my bottom lip seductively as I looked up at him. I kept my voice soft. 'Mr. B-, you're so in the habit of thinking of your son as a boy that you've failed to notice that he's a man now, and he has the same needs as any other male. It's only his legs that are crippled. He can't get around like other men and find a ... a sexual outlet. Think of how terrible it's been for him. When I bathed him he became terribly excited. It was painful for a woman to touch him without knowing he would be relieved sooner or later. He needed a different kind of nursing, Mr. B. His cock needed nursing. So I sucked him off. He needed me, Mr. B - - . Think of what it would be like if you were unable to have sex at all.'
"He frowned uncertainly. I sensed his cock was harder than ever. 'I ... I don't have a woman. Not since my wife died. I manage to live with it.' The sternness was gone from his jaw, however. He avoided my eyes. 'I've never heard Robert complain about a lack of ... female companionship.'
"I didn't smile. 'Would you complain to him?' I asked seriously, stepping a little nearer, near enough so that the tips of my breasts brushed his suit jacket. 'Would you tell him if you were aching to sink your penis into a girl's vagina or her mouth?'
"He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His eyes dropped to my breasts and stayed there.
"Without stopping to think of what to do next, I boldly dropped my hand and pressed it directly on his bulging crotch. 'All Robert really needs is a woman's touch, from time to time. Maybe you do, too____'
I slipped to my knees and brought my face to his trousers. My lips teased his hard prick through the fabric as I whispered, 'Let me nurse you, too, in a very special way. Let me take your cock in my mouth and nurse it until it explodes____'
"He stood there numbly while I unzipped his fly and eased the trousers down his legs. Although Mr. B-had to be in his early fifties, he was slim and handsome, not quite as handsome as Robert, but his huge purple cock was very nearly as big.
"I took it in my mouth and sucked hard on its throbbing length. He groaned, then tried to push my head away. But his hands were shaking badly.
"I wouldn't let him go. I used the tip of my tongue on the sensitive underside of his prick, whipping it back and forth until I felt the resistance drain from his body.
"No ... no____This isn't right! I shouldn't let you! I haven't touched a woman since my wife.___'
"I cupped his balls with one hand and started pulling on his dick with the other hand while I let his cock slip out of my mouth. I kept my voice husky - as if I had any choice. I was hot all over again.
'That's all right, Mr. B-. You don't have to touch me. I just want to take care of you and Robert. I just want to make you happy, keep you comfortable. Let me take care of you, Mr. B-....' I turned my face back to him and sucked his stiff prick deep into my mouth. He groaned as I began a steady sucking action, drawing all of him into my mouth, releasing him a little at a time, working my tongue along his length as I eased him in and out of me.
"He half-sighed, half-sobbed, staggered back a bit so that the wall could hold him steady, then weakly reached out for my head. 'Ah ... God ... I ... I can't resist it.... Yes, yes, take care of me.... Suck it for me, like you did for Robert----It's been so long____'
"I think his words did as much for me as his cock. He needed me, his big, hot prick needed me! I took him into my throat, loving the pain-pleasure pressure, making my lips a cushioned ring from his dick, a wet little pussy, tighter than a real cunt could ever be. I sucked him slowly, wanting it to be so good for him he would have to keep me around for himself, as well as for Robert. I sucked him in a way that promised him a lifetime of effortless ecstasy.
"Wait! The bed ... the ... the bed, my dear. Let me....' He tried to move over to the bed, his legs undoubtedly weak from the sensations melting through him.
"I let go of him with my mouth, but my hand immediately covered his prick as he moved, jacking it off very gently, refusing to consider a change of heart in him. It wasn't really necessary, though, and I knew it. His dick was a bar of steel, a ^ot, twitching pole in agonizing need of my loving mouth.
"He kicked his way out of the ring of trousers around his ankles and moved to my bed. He might have looked absurd on the bed, his cock straining towards the ceiling while his uppper torso was conventionally covered by a white shirt, dark tie, and a suit coat. But all I really saw was that giant prick. My cunt throbbed as I followed him to the bed, and I could feel the juice beginning to lubricate the insides of my thighs.
"Mr. B-groaned as my mouth began to lick his groin. His pubic hairs were graying and wiry, a bush of great density, sticky with my spit. I licked around the base of his cock, then went to work on his balls. They hung loosely, and responded instantly to my lapping tongue. By the time I returned my mouth to his cock, Mr. B-was panting and begging for me to suck it, to take it in my mouth and suck on it until he shot off in my mouth! It was with a sense of intense excitement and victory that I began sucking his prick for him.
"That's it! Oh, that feels so good! I've never been sucked like this, Irene. Never! No one ever sucked it as if they loved it! You do love it, don't you, Irene? Keep that up and I'll do anything you want, girl. Forget what I said before. I'll do anything to you you want me to do. I'll fuck you, if you'd like. I ... I swore I'd never fuck another woman after Susan died, but I'll do anything you want me to do. Only keep on sucking me.___'
"I didn't bother taking the time out to explain to him then, or to assure him that fucking me wasn't important. Later there would be plenty of time. Then I'd explain that all I wanted to do was suck him, suck his son.... They could lick my pussy if they wished, but sucking them off was more than enough for me. I'd spend the rest of my life taking their cocks in my mouth, if they let me.... I tensed my thighs as I felt the first hint of Mr. B's impending explosion.
"Keep right on doing that, doing what you're doing to me right now and I'm going to orgasm right into your mouth! I'll deposit a hot mouthful of come down your throat if you continue....
"My tongue was cupped around his shaft now, and I only wished it was big enough to cover him completely. My mouth felt as if it was permanently shaped to take his prick. I was moaning silently when I felt it hit me, the spasms in the pit of my belly which vibrated downwards into my yearning cunt. I dug my fingers into the firm flesh of his ass and took every inch of him into my mouth, groaning even through the huge obstacle in my mouth, clutching him violently as I came.
"That did it for him. He was moaning and grabbing my head, forcing the last inch of his prick into my throat while a hot shower of thick juice splashed into my mouth. I tasted the acid come eagerly while another fierce spasm shot through my cunt. My mouth was filled with his sperm, overflowing with it, and some of it dribbled down my cheek as I moaned with the final wave of my orgasm.
"Finally I collected myself enough to lovingly lick the last few drops from Mr. B-'s cock and roll off him.
"He got up slowly and looked at me. At first he seemed undecided, now that it was all over, of how he should act. But the memory of my mouth on his prick could not be overlooked. Not now, not ever. I think he also must have weighed what I said about Robert's needs, sexually. When he finally spoke, after his clothing was back in place, his lips curved into a smile.
"I guess the trial basis is no longer necessary. You're hired.'
"After he was gone, I undressed and threw myself onto the bed, exhausted but very, very happy. There was no doubt about it - I was home. I had a place, a role, and how I was going to love filling it. It had been a fine first day at work...."
It is difficult to say whether Irene's oral obsession was, indeed, of a perversely nymphomaniacal nature (a case of orally channeled nymphomania), or whether it was a "safe" and non-involving method whereby she managed to attain both a personally satisfying sexual release and an assurance that she had found herself a home and a source of support. Although at the time of her interview by a private psychiatrist she was still engaging in oral practices with her employer and his son, the fact that she had turned for help appears to indicate that her problem was one of a compulsive nature that was uncontrollably bordering on nymphomania.
The outlook for her success in overcoming this compulsion hinges on her ability to variegate her sexual practices to the extent whereby she is not monomaniacally directed in her desires.
Chapter Four
Bella R-, R.N.
"You guys and your case histories fracture me, you know that? And believe me, that pun's intended. You can't be a nurse and be a virgin, that's for damned sure. Oh, I know, a lot of gals claim to be, but that's only because they know fuckin' well that there's no way in hell of proving if they're not virgins ... unless they get knocked up.
"A nurse knows too damned much, and usually too soon for her own emotional development. Even if you get through training without your curiosity driving you buggy, the first time you've gotta wash a male patient and he gets a hard on, well, blushing ceases to be the only way of handling it. That pun's intended, too.
"I decided very early in my career that being a staff nurse wasn't the life for me. Bunch of dried-out bitches giving orders and doctors checking charts with one hand, and feeling you up with the other ... no thanks, not for me. I'm an orphan, and I learned to be completely self-sufficient very early in life. The thought of having to bow down to a hospital's rules never appealed to me, so after about a year of putting up with that antiseptic bullshit, I signed up with the Nurses' Registry for private duty only. It's more money, and if you have to live in for the duration, it's usually in a pretty nice home. If someone can afford a private live-in nurse, he's doing all right. Besides, like a high-class call girl, a private nurse can pick and choose her patients.
"I'd lost my cherry by the time I was eighteen - which nowadays, is kind of late in life. I got mixed up with a kid in the other wing of the orphanage ... you know the sort of thing. Happens all the time. But then I kind of cooled it for a while. No special reason, really. Romance magazine stuff, I suppose, save it for the man you love and all that junk. Then later on, I met this groovy intern while I was taking my training. He figured he could teach me a few 'in' tricks ... and he meant 'in' with a capital I.
"Hey, listen, you want me to kind of cool my language? I mean, I don't want to get you in any trouble or anything____
"Okay. So the first time I caught on to the fact that there are some really way-out advantages in being a private nurse was my very first assignment. I was only twenty-one ... barely. And I was real cute - not that I'm a dog now, but you know the kind of 'cute' only youth can give a gal ... all healthy glow and clear eyes and no matter how much Chanel you use you always smell like baby powder. I was still wearing my red hair shoulder-length, sort of a Lauren Bacall style 'cause I was trying to look older. But there was no way of hiding the fact that I've got a wild body; not even a nurse's shroud uniform could hide it. Whoever my folks were, somebody must've been a fan dancer! Well, you can see for yourself ... it's all where it's supposed to be, and plenty of it.
"I was sent out to one of those fancy homes off Coldwater Canyon, on the Beverly Hills side of Mulholland. Tuberculosis case, age fifty-one, male Caucasian. His wife had been a nurse but had to go to Europe or to visit her mother or some dumb thing, so he didn't want to be left alone in the house. They had a day girl come in to do the housework, but she wouldn't fix meals and specially didn't know anything about properly balanced diets. I don't mind cooking as long as I don't have to have a nervous breakdown sweating through a souffle in the oven. And they were paying extra for it. Why not? Anyway, that's all I knew about the case when I accepted the job.
"The wife left on a Tuesday morning, and I arrived for work before the electronic garage door had finished closing. The day gal, Mae, showed me to my room and where the kitchen was, and then took me in to meet my patient, Mr. D-.
"He might have been fifty-one, but you could see that despite his weakened condition, he was a real stud. Graying temples, lean tennis-player body ... the sort of guy who usually has a tan all year around. He may have been in a weakened condition, but he wasn't out of the ballgame! Joe - that's his first name - took a heavy-lidded inventory of my body and gestured to Mae to get the hell out and leave us alone. It was okay by me. I don't know. There was something about that guy that just turned me on, all of a sudden like. Maybe because he was old enough to be my father or something, but whatever it was, I was getting too wet in the crotch for any female disorder!
"What's your name?' he asked me. Actually, it was more of a barked command, as if he should have said 'rookie' afterwards.
"Bella, Mr. D-. Bella R-.' I dug his voice. It had a Laurence Olivier timbre to it that got my juices flowing so bad I was worried I'd stain my uniform.
"You're very young,' he said.
"Old enough,' I answered, or some other wisecrack only a punk kid would think was witty. By then I'd gone over to the side of his bed and was checking out his medications. His doctor wasn't foolin' around with the kid stuff. There were fresh prescriptions for INH and PAS - oh, that's standard nowadays for TB, isoniazid hydrochloride and para-amino salicylic acid for a chaser. But you know all about that.
"You're to take 10 grams a day of the PAS. When did you have your last tablet?' I was trying real hard to act cool and efficient, but he had me psyched out. Joe was with it, know what I mean? I bet he could spot a hot broad through ten inches of steel plate! Maybe he just smells their heat, like dogs do. Anyway, the next thing I knew there was a firm, cool hand walking up the inside of my thighs. I was about to let him have both barrels with the shocked treatment, you know, 'Really, Mr. D-!' sort of thing, but he knew me better than that. Oh yeah, this guy really knew his women! He had his hand up to my wet crotch before I could say a damned thing, and that shot any of my coy tactics. Like he could feel how wet I was! He must have had buckets of my vaginal secretion in his hand, but neither of us said a word. I froze. Like a kid. I just froze.
"But I could almost sense the smile on his thin face as I felt his fingernails tracing light lines back and forth across the material of my panties. It was wild. I felt ... well, I felt deli-ciously wicked. Like I knew none of this should be happening, even that it was crazy for me to just walk into a room and suddenly some guy's playing with my pussy - but it was like stealing something and knowing you were going to get away with it ... a libidinous fantasy come true!
"As if it were beyond my control, I realized that I was parting my legs for him, thrusting my pelvis forward in a silent invitation. His hand knew what it was doing, too. By then, he'd inched his way beneath the elastic of my panties and had begun to stroke my labia gently, teasing my pubic hairs around.my vagina, and I got so tensed up I thought I was going to come right in his hand! I could feel my breasts get taut and my hard pink nipples were scratching at the material of my bra. Oh, wow, and my clitoris must've been twenty times its normal size, just pounding with blood.
"It was all so damned weird, know what I mean? Like screwin' on a church pew or something. And he just kept stroking, teasing, but never touching my clitoris - like maybe he knew that was all I needed to pop off. But I was goin' nuts waiting for his touch on that hot button!
"Wouldn't you like to have that hot snatch, sucked?' he whispered. I almost creamed all over him when he said that. Would I like it! Christ! I was ready to skip a day's pay just to have him touch it, let alone really suck me off. Oh, wow! And what was really way out about it was that I'd only heard about that kind of stuff ... no one had ever done it to me before!
"Anyway, I didn't need to be asked twice. I didn't have time, even, to wonder about what to do ... I mean, was I supposed to stand there or hang from the ceiling or what! But Joe, he just sort of led me, like we were dancing and he was an extra good leader. I hardly even knew how I was being guided, but with just a little bit of pressure with his free hand he had me out of my panties and climbing onto the bed. Once my panties were off, you cculd smell sex all over the room ... my body was reeking with that special heavy, musky odor and it was even turning me on, so I can pretty well guess what it must do to guys.
"Joe hoisted my skirt up enough for me to be able to straddle his body, and then with both his hands on my buttocks, he gently brought my hot cunt up to his face. I thought I was gonna faint. I.could feel him breathing on my wet pussy, just breathing, and it was sending me into orbit! Then I felt his fingers lightly spreading open the surrounding flesh, and then his breathing came closer and closer to my burning cunt and I could feel my clitoris arching and straining toward him like some kind of mini prick!
"Then he zeroed in. Oh, wow, I'm gettin' all hot just telling you about it! Anyway, when Joe's tongue started lapping up my pussy, I knew right then and there nothing else would ever be as great again. Maybe some people would never call that losing my cherry, but I knew I'd never be happy with just ordinary fucking again and nothing more! I'd always want to get sucked off or it'd be like droppin' one shoe, know what I mean? But Joe was gettin' a mouthful and I could tell he was just as hot as I was. He kept groanin' into my cunt and making these loud wet sucking sounds, slurping and lapping____Anyhow, I must've come in about two minutes! I had to lean against the headboard to stop from falling over ... I never felt anything like it in my life! I just kept comin' and comin' and I could feel my vaginal muscles spasming, clutching and rubbing. I'd never had an orgasm like that... not ever!
"Well, Joe wouldn't let me up from his face. He'd stopped tonguing me, like he knew how sensitive my pussy was at that moment, but he kept his face there and it was kind of reassuring to feel it, like he really dug sucking me.
"When I'd calmed down a bit and wasn't too sure of what I was supposed to do next - like who knows from protocol with a nurse and her patient having sex? - he very slowly started running his tongue along my already dripping pussy. His hands came up and began to undo the buttons at the front of my uniform, then slid inside the bodice of my dress and reached inside my bra and cupped my breasts. I never wear a bra when I'm not in uniform, and it was one time I wished I hadn't been wearing one. It didn't take much to get me all steamed up again, and I was rubbing myself againt his face, watching his hands playing with my tits and teasing my aching and hard nipples.
"When I was really squirming and all hot again, I felt his hands on my hips trying to turn me around. I didn't know why, honest. But listen, who argues with a pussy-hungry bedridden guy? I turned around. I was a little awkward doin' it, not being used to that sort of thing, but that was nothin' compared to what he had waiting for me. Somehow, Joe had managed to shove the blankets down to his knees, and standing up like a flagpole on the 4th of July was the biggest damn prick I'd ever seen in my life ... and a nurse sees an awful lot of pricks! It was bobbing at me, sort of like a cobra bein' charmed, and I didn't have to ask what he expected of me ... I just wasn't sure of what to do, or how. I know it sounds silly, but you know what fascinated me the most? That pearly'drop right at the urethral orifice! Honest. I kept thinking that it looked like a jewel on a velvet cushion.... But Joe didn't give me much time to play around with my imagination, there was something else he wanted me to play around with.
"I lowered my face toward his big dick and, sort of shyly at first, began to kiss the head of it. Funny, now that I think about it, but it was as if I were being extra careful not to spill his happy little drop of semen, like I was juggling or something. He was real hairy, that's for sure. And the pubic hairs kept tickling at my nose whenever I'd tongue along the sides of his penis. And I had never tasted anything like that before. It's hard to describe if you've never tasted a prick - which I guess you haven't. Maybe it's a combination of the feel of a penis and its smell and its taste. The first time a girl sucks a guy, it's a funny feeling. I wasn't repelled, or anything like that, but it was more that I wished I could be in two places at once. Half of me wanted to continue to suck on his big dick, and the other half of me wanted to sit in the corner and watch - my clinical half, I guess.
"But I began to warm up to my subject. Especially with Joe lapping at my pussy all the while, sticking his tongue up into my vagina and tongue-fuckin' me. I sort of lost consciousness. Not that I passed out, but that I lost touch with everything else around me. All I knew was what I could feel and what I could taste. I finally found myself beginning to actually like playing with his prick and balls, and I shoved my face right down between his thighs and began to lick his balls ... even his ass. He sure had a cute ass! Then I heard him groaning more and felt him really sucking on my cunt, so I took my cue from him. I brought my face back from his scrotum and hovered over his dong, knowing what a wild feeling it had to be for him, the same as he had done to me before. Then I really let him have it! I knew that I could choke to death on the length of his penis unless I totally relaxed my throat muscles, so I closed my eyes and let the hot glans slowly work into my wet mouth. He jerked when the head touched the back of my throat, but just kept going in, and in. All of a sudden I felt like I wanted to swallow him whole, and I involuntarily began sucking in my cheeks, working on the sides of his penis just like my vagina would if he'd stuck it in there instead of ill my mouth. It was a crazy feeling and I almost laughed when I realized that I was eating this guy alive - but I was too busy to stick with silly thoughts.
"Pretty soon he began to pump his hips up toward my face, slow at first, steady humping motions, shoving his prick in and out of my mouth. And I really liked it ... maybe too much. I felt like I had a wild power over him, like all I had to do was clamp down with my teeth and he'd be out of commission forever more. Even Hitler couldn't have felt more power than I did! And that realization did it! Oh, man, I don't know what happened after that. I went nuts sucking on him, playing with his balls with my hands, knowing all I had to do was twist 'em and that would be End
"I had to laugh with him. I could well imagine what his mother must have gone trough; he'd totaled his car and that'd be enough to make any mother up tight.
"Go ahead,' Jon said. 'Mix yourself a drink. There's plenty of anything you want----'
"Well,' I drawled out uncertainly.
"Really, I'd feel better if you would make yourself completely at home.'
"I giggled. 'Only if you do!'
"Oh no,' he said, 'I don't drink!'
"No deal, then. If you have a drink, then I know you won't squeal on me - and besides, then I could always say that it was only for your morale, not to let you drink alone.'
"Jon grinned, a cute lopsided grin, and slowly nodded. I fixed up a pitcher of martinis, put a twist of lemon in each glass, and brought them over to the big round coffee table between the fireplace and the sofa where he'd stretched out. It was very quiet for a little while, with neither of us saying a word. All you could hear was the sound of the ocean, the waves rolling up on the beach ... maybe a car once in a while ... and the sounds of the crackling fire. That martini was mellowing me right away and I was getting a nice soft glow.
"You're awfully pretty,' Jon said and his voice was real low, seeming to blend in with the whole mood the martini and the room was giving me.
"That's very nice of you, Jon,' I said, and I meant it, too. I reached across the table and poured us both another drink, then I settled back, sitting on the floor in front of Jon, my head resting lightly on his good leg.
"Would you,' he began, but I could hear his voice faltering, 'would you do me a big favor, Bella?'
"Sure, baby, want me to get you something?'
"I wasn't even thinking about anything else, know what I mean? But this kid was no dummy.
"Would - would you kiss me?' he asked.
"Well, I was surprised. Shocked, maybe. But he asked it so shyly that he made me wonder if he'd ever been kissed at all. I smiled, stood up slowly, then leaned over him and kissed him. Lightly, at first. Who knew what he was expecting? But my mind was way ahead of him. My eyes were already searching to see what effect the kiss was having, and sure enough, Bella R - was goin' to get rid'of the Hollow Mouth blues that night! He had on a pair of faded blue flannel pajamas, and the drawstring on the pants lay alongside the fly, weighing it just enough so that I could make out the outline of his prick - and it was twitching. I felt like that dame in Tea and Sympathy. Not that I thought he was a fag or anything, but only because he . was so damned young! Anyhow, he hadn't tried to stick his tongue in my mouth so I knew the game would have to be played according to the rules I set up. But I figured I'd better take it � slow and easy with him, not push too many but- j tons until I knew just how far he was ready to go. You never know with kids like that. One minute they're panting and sweaty hands all jjj over you, and the next minute they're bawlin' I for mama. Anyway, I slowly began to part my I lips, gently pushing at his, then ran my tongue | lightly over his lower lip, into the corners of . his mouth, tickling and teasing him. Baby Jon was getting hot, and in a hurry.
"I broke the kiss before we got to frenching. f You know, someone must've been a stripper in \ my family - always leaving 'em dying for more! But it worked. Jon's forehead was all beaded with sweat, and his face was flushed. He could've used some Reserpine about then to get - his blood pressure down. But I hovered over him, keeping my lips just an inch or so from his. 'Is that what you had in mind?' I asked him.
"He took an awfully loud swallow, and I couldn't help smiling. And he couldn't take his eyes away from the front of my dress. I knew damned well that, leaning over like that, he was getting quite a view of my 38-Cs - he'd have had to feel up an awful lot of sophomores at UCLA to find another pair of knockers like mine, and I knew it! 'Hey, baby,' I whispered, still just hanging over him like an oxygen tent, 'you've been kissed before, haven't you?'
"He just nodded. 'Sure,' he said after a moment.
"And you've scored with girls, haven't you? Nice-lookin' guy like you?'
"Couple of times,' he answered, and that flipped me. A couple of times! Oh, wow! I had me a live guinea pig! This was gonna be fun....
"Whores or "nice girls"?' I asked. It makes a difference, you know, and I wanted to be sure.
"Nice girls,' he answered. 'I've always been too afraid of V.D. to fool around with wh-whores. And they were nice girls, really. I was their first.'
"Hell, I thought to myself, sure baby, if that's what you want to believe. But at least I knew that no one had ever given him the old Hollow Mouth treat that I was planning for him. Knowing that I had a virgin on my hands really gassed me, tripped me out. Maybe I wouldn't be able to stop him from coming every time I put my mouth on him, but at least I knew I'd be able to keep him awake all night and that he'd go on and on. They've got stamina, those young kids. Anyhow, I brought hy face back down and closed my mouth around his, darting my tongue between his lips, and finally into his mouth. He tasted sweet, too, like a Certs commercial, and I knew that his dick would be like a peppermint stick in my mouth. I could hardly wait to get to it, but I knew I'd have to be patient - sort of prepare him for the idea. And suddenly I knew what a guy must feel like when he's trying to seduce a girl. Christ! Imagine having a. hot prick in your pants, all ready to pop off and come into a girl's mouth, and not know if you're goin' to get lucky or not - it must be hell on guys.
"I worked his mouth real good, I was just about pickin' his teeth for him! And he was responding, too. I never knew anybody could pant like that and not have a coronary!
"So I figured it was about time to stop that kid stuff, and I broke the kiss again. 'You're quite a guy,' I said, and straightened up. 'Listen, that position is wrecking my back,' I explained..
"Jon was torn between his throbbing dick and his concern for my back - it was written all over his face. And there was no hiding the condition he was in. There was no sponge rubber limply lying down on top of his balls ... instead there was a nice, long, hard bulge quivering above his belly. He was more than just ready, he was bus-tin'.
"Look,' I said, 'you're a big boy, you know the score. It's rough on a girl, too, to just fool around and not do anything about it. We've got a whole week ahead of us. Why waste all that precious time?'
"At first I thought he was upset, like I was pushing him too fast, but I found out later that it wasn't that at all; that his mother had a key to the apartment and he'd only been worried that she might let herself in and neither of us would hear her. What he didn't know, of course, was that I'd put the chain lock on after I'd come in and put my things away in the spare bedroom. If I'd known that was what was bug-gin' him, I could've saved him a lot of worry, but it was just as well, as it turned out. Bein' worried about his old lady had kept him from com in' too soon.
"Anyway, since he hadn't bothered to say no, I moved across the room and turned off all the lights, then came back in front of him and stood just before the light the fireplace gave off. Then I began to take off my uniform ... slowly. His eyes were out on stems when he saw how firm my big breasts were even without the bra. I slipped out of my dress and underthings and just stood there, letting the firelight play across my body, and enjoying the effect I knew I was having on him. I waited until I figured he couldn't stand much more, then I leaned over and pulled one end of his drawstring. In less than a second, his pulsing penis was free and beating against his belly; and he'd grabbed me by my waist and pulled me down on him.
"I slowly undid the buttons of his pajama top and let my breasts play across his chest. He didn't have much hair, but it was enough. It tickled the burning flesh of my breasts and tortured my aching nipples. It was an extra wide couch, so I didn't have any trouble at all straddling his hips. I pushed myself down so that my wet pussy would pin his dong down, but not go inside me. Guys like that kind of thing, if you don't overdo it. They can feel how wet you are, know that you're hot, and that they're right there, right next to your dripping hot hole, but they can't quite stick their pricks in. Almost, but not quite. Drives 'em buggy. Anyhow, Jon was waltzing underneath me, and I knew it'd been a long time since he'd gotten his nuts off. I arched my back and brought my breasts over his face, brushing the nipples across his eyes, pushing at his nostrils - I wanted him to feel like he had breasts pushing at him from every angle, in his ears, anywhere at all. Finally, he took my left breast in his mouth, and began to suck on it - a little rough, but I didn't mind, I was ready for that. I grabbed his hands and placed one on each breast, showing him how to pinch my other nipple so it wouldn't feel lonesome while he sucked on the left one.
"Jon seemed to go a little wild, like he was really getting milk out of me or something. He was such a baby, really, and I wondered if I could get him to gum my snatch - but that would have to come later . .. pun intended. So while he was suckin' the milk out of me, I raised my hips up slightly and could feel the air hit cold on the insides of my thighs where I'd been juicing all over both of us, and I didn't have to look to know that Jon had been contributing to the honey pot!
"But I took his stiff penis in my right hand, propping myself with my left one on the back of the couch, and began to gently squeeze it with a slow up-and-down motion. I could feel he'd been circumcised, which I always prefer - I like the feel of the knob inside my mouth. Then I let my hand wander down to his balls, and I felt the size of 'em. I don't care what the books say, big balls mean a hell of a lot of come, and this boy was goin' to give me an unending stream of burning semen to swallow - later. For that moment, I decided it would be better to just let him have it the ordinary way. So I slipped his rigid prick gently into my vagina, letting the head of it sort of roll against the wet lips first. Hell, you'd have thought that it was me trying to go inside of him, that's how gentle I was. But I'm a snapper, always have been. I could pick up a sock across the room with my snatch, I've got such muscle control down there. So I began to snap him up into me, letting the walls of my vagina grab him inch by inch, and with me bein' on top of him, I had complete control of how much of him.went in and how fast. I wanted his prick to slither into me, waiting, waiting, to hit my cervix - to know, when he got there, that he'd just slammed into a brick wall carrying a burning torch.
But Jon was blissfully unaware of how carefully I was guiding him into my cunt; he wasn't appreciating the finer points of my technique. I'd shifted breasts on him, and he was happy as all hell suckin' away, with his stiff prick inside my hot cunt, being sucked up into my hungry pussy. Later, I'd show him another kind of sucking. Right then, though, he thought he was in heaven. My abdomen was rubbing against his chest, and I could feel how sweaty he was; but it was a clean, good sweat, not the locker-room kind. And then I let him hit his mark with his shaft. I shoved my ass down hard on his stiff penis and knew I had his undivided attention when he bit down on my breast with the contact. It wasn't a hard bite, not enough to bleed or anything like that, but I felt playful. I pulled my breast out from his mouth and began to swing them back and forth so they knocked against the sides of his head, slapping him, sort of.
"His eyes sprang open, following the motion, and his mouth moved like a big fish's, but his eyes were glazed and I don't even think he knew who I was. So I began to fuck him, like only a woman can fuck a man. I rode up and down his shaft a little faster, then even faster - I knew he'd never hold out very long anyway - and then started to rotate my hips. Every time the glans was about to topple out of my grabbing cunt, I'd give him a little extra circle with my hips then swoop down hard on his wet penis, shoving it all the way against the wall of my womb and grinding my pelvis against his. I could feel that rod of his all the way up inside me, and it was nice ... don't get me wrong - but feeling it inside of me isn't what really turns me on the most. I gotta feel it in my mouth, shoving at my tonsils, not my cervix. Oh, wow! that grabs me!
"Anyway, as I'd thought, fucking him for openers wasn't going to take too long. I could feel him getting bigger and bigger and I knew it was going to be any second.
"What do you want me to do, baby?' I prodded him, smothering him momentarily with my big tits. 'Say it, baby, what do you want me to do?'
"F-f-fuck me!' he answered, his voice rasping and his breath coming in big gasps.
"Say it again, I didn't hear you.'
"Fuck me!' he yelled, and even with the cast on his leg, he was really slamming it up inside of me like crazy.
"Sure I'll fuck the baby,* I told him, and then 1 stepped up my tempo, grinding and humping with him all tight inside of me. I was actually slipping on his pelvis by then, that's how sweaty and creamy we both were. I kept hammering at him, saying over and over, 'I'm fuckin' you, baby, I'm really fuckin' you, all the way, baby, all the way, feel me fuckin' you? Feel my snapping at you? Feel me squeezin' the come out of you with my hot twat? Feel it? You want to come now, baby? You want to come?'
"He 'bout went insane then, and I thought he was goin' to bust his cast the way he was squirming to get at me, to get into me deeper and deeper, and then he tensed, hovered a second almost in mid-air, and let out a yell you wouldn't believe. He just yelled and yelled, and I could feel him coming inside of me, wave after wave of burning hot come shooting into my body, filling me up so that I could hardly feel his penis anymore for all the hot come that surrounded it inside my vagina.
"I must say, it felt pretty good. I hadn't enjoyed a regular lay like that in a hell of a time. But I had other plans yet. / still hadn't come. I hadn't been able to orgasm from regular intercourse in a long time, but I knew what would turn the trick for me.
"He fell back, then, exhausted. His penis fell limply from inside of me, and I let him get his breath while I lifted myself off of him and padded into the bedroom, toward the bathroom. I ran the hot water and washed myself off, then helped myself to his terry-cloth robe hanging on the back of the door. I found a plastic bowl under the sink and filled it with warm water, then took it and a washcloth back to the living room. Jon wasn't panting anymore, but he sure as hell wasn't breathing normally. But I took one look at that smooth young body of his, glistening in the firelight, and knew that I had to get his prick in my mouth soon, or I'd cut it off - one or the other. I don't think he'd heard me come into the room. His eyes were closed when I put the warm, wet washcloth on his groin and began to wash off his genitals. He had a real sweet dong, lying limp like that. Some guys always look like they're halfway to a hard on, but not Jon. His looked like a baby boy's, all fleshy and short - though God knows it wasn't short once he got it up - and it looked as if he'd never used it for anything but peeing in his entire life.
"But he opened his eyes when I began to bathe him, and he had the silliest smirk on his face I'd seen. I couldn't help it, I just leaned over and kissed that silly grin - and then he sighed and watched me. I'd put his robe on to keep my shoulders warm, but it was open all down the front - he could see anything he wanted to, and I made sure there was plenty for him to enjoy ... especially that my snatch matches my head. I'm kind of vain about being a natural redhead, and my pubic hair is sort of unusual in that it grows like a valentine around my pussy - almost begging to be loved. Anyhow, I washed him slowly and carefully, playing with his balls and teasing around his anus - ail those juices always slop down the crack of your ass. I knew it would take time to arouse him again, and I was quite happy to let him have as long as he needed - or wanted - as long as I could keep my ultimate target right in my hands, constantly in view. And it didn't take him all that long, really. Maybe a half hour was all.
"Do you like me washing your penis, Jon?'
"It-it's very, uh, very soothing. Bella,' he said and lifted himself to one elbow. 'I hadn't thought things would go as far as....'
"Shh. What're you worried about? I'm a nurse. It's my job to make you feel better; You do feel better, don't you, Jon?'
"He slumped back then. 'Hell yes! I've never known anything to be so great!'
"Well then?' I said it in a way that he could know I wasn't expecting him to answer me, then rested my face on his tummy, looking at him. His face, that is. I'd have plenty of chance to see what I really wanted very soon. I just looked at him, quietly, and continued to play with his scrotum, caressing and, very lightly, like you would a kitten, squeezing his balls. Every once in a while, like it was a mistake, I'd let my hand, or just a finger, touch his anus. I could feel him tense up right away at that contact, but he didn't pull away. With my other hand, I began to trace little patterns on his chest, pausing briefly over his nipples and watching them shrivel up into tight little pebbles, then just glancing across the hairs on his chest, down to his ribs, to his navel, then slowly back up again. The time seemed about right. 'Jon? Jon, do you like me?'
"Well, sure! I mean, of course I do.'
"Relax, baby,' I said, laughing to show that I meant it. 'I don't expect you to marry me or anything like that.'
"Well, uh, then like ... like what?'
"Would you do Bella a great, great big favor?' By then I was playing with his penis, just toying with it.
"Yeah, yeah, I guess so,' he answered a little hesitantly.
"Sit up, baby. Sit up and put your legs on either side of me. Here, I'll help you put the broken one on the coffee table.' He did as I said without any words, but I could see his eyes were filled with curiosity. 'There. Are you comfortable? Is your leg all right?'
"Yeah. I'm fine.'
"He had to look right past his own penis to see my face since I was sitting on my haunches, right in-between his legs, right in front of his sweet prick, his balls resting lightly on the cushion of the couch. His dick was beginning to come to life with the closeness of my face, with my soft breathing on it - maybe he hadn't totally figured out what I was goin' to do, but I don't think he much cared. I began to blow cool air at his dick from just a few inches away, making a small circle with my lips so that I could aim where my breath would hit him.
"What'd you have in mind, Bella?'
"I smiled sweetly. 'Did these other girls you went to bed with, did they ever want to kiss your penis? Tell me, Jon, you can tell me. I'm a nurse, so don't be shy.'
"Even in the dim light, I could see the color rushing to his face again. 'Do what?'
"Kiss your penis,' I repeated, and then I very quickly lowered my head and gave his pecker a light kiss along the shaft. Like a sisterly kiss, nothing to frighten him. 'A lot of girls don't know about intimate things like that, or if they do, they don't like to do it. They think a penis is dirty - ugly. But I don't. I think the male organ is a beautiful thing - especially when it gives as much pleasure as yours does.' Then I kissed it again, the same way, but on the other side. This time, I could feel his reaction to my lips on his prick; he was holding his breath, but it sure as hell wasn't out of fear or worry. And even if it had been, with his leg in a cast stretched out on the coffee table, he wasn't going to go anywhere. So I brought my face up and rested it on the inside of his thigh, my lips just brushing against his groin, my nose nuzzling his pubic hairs, breathing on his penis. There was no mistaking his reaction then, he started to swell slowly but steadily. I could have just stayed there and waited for it to swell right up into my mouth by its own accord, but I like semierections to suck on, I like to feel the way they pulse and swell inside my hungry mouth, hell, my anxious mouth!
"Anyhow, I could hear his breathing getting short again. Without looking up at him, I asked, 'Do you want me to kiss your .penis again?'
"If - if you want to,' he said, but he was already trying to lift his buttocks toward my lips.
"I took the sweet thing and looked at it for a moment, enjoying its semirigid state, knowing what it would soon be once I got my mouth around it and then I had to put it inside without waiting even one more second. I sighed as I lay the tip of it on my lower lip, extending my tongue so that I could tease the small little hole into giving me its pearl.
"Oh, my God!' he moaned. 'Oh, my God!'
"Do you like that?' I whispered while letting the glans rest on my lower lip, then I began to roll my tongue on the underside and curl around the ridge of the knob while I let his balls rest in the palm of my right hand. I was just grazing his anus with the tip of my little finger, but nothing else. Jon seemed terribly tense, so I decided to take his mind off of my little finger by taking his penis farther into my mouth, rolling it like a good cigar, savoring it on my tongue and pushing against my cheeks.
"But this is so different,' he moaned, almost as if he were in an anatomy class and had come across some strange discovery. 'It's the same idea, but it - it feels so - so different!'.
"By then, he really had a hard on going for him, and for me. I wasn't even listening to him anymore. I had what I wanted. A big fat juicy prick in my mouth, balls in my hand, and a tight, waiting asshole. I gave myself up to the enjoyment of sucking him, of playing with him, of taking the whole throbbing organ into my throat and then letting it slip out so I could kiss it all over, bury my face in his crotch with his penis hot against my cheek like a pounding poker trying to sneak in my ear. Then, I'd take it back into my mouth and suction it, listening to his moans as I did it but not really hearing him. This was my turn - he'd already gotten his rocks off. And I could feel my own juices begin to run down my legs, feel my clit burning bigger each time I took him farther and farther into my throat. I didn't want to be bothered with finding out if he'd suck me or not, or worry about changing positions at that point, so I stuck two fingers of my left hand inside my cunt, using my thumb to stimulate my clit even more than it already was. At least when I did myself, I could control the pressure and how fast I would come. I like to time my orgasms so that I can come when the guy shoots off in my mouth. You can't always do that when he's suckin' you off. So I'd shove my fingers inside myself and bring out gobs of the sticky mucus, then rub it around my swollen vaginal area and up around my hot, nervous clit, and at the same time feel his dong, throbbing and just as hot as my clit was, sliding in and out, in and out of my mouth, past my lips.
"I saw his hands reaching for my breasts, sn I brought myself up a little so he could reach 'em. Jon sure liked titties. He started massaging them, kneading them, and groaning and moaning. At one point, he even opened his eyes and watched me for a while, but I guess he was feel-in' too good to want to keep it up. He closed his eyes again and let his head fall to the back of the couch, where he just rolled it side to side.
"There's a point in lovemaking when you're so damned hot your asshole is hot too. Most people don't pay any attention to that, but it's true. You can't explain when that moment occurs, you just gotta have enough experience to know it, to sense it. And I knew that Jon wasn't far from that moment. So far, I'd stuck to stroking his balls and just touching his asshole, but his penis was getting like a steel rod in a furnace, and it was just a matter of timing. I always let a lot of saliva drool out of my mouth when I'm suckin' off a guy; that way, some of it gets to be in the right position, but we were right at that time. He had the broken leg straight out in front of him, and the other leg was crooked, his foot using the coffee table as a means of lifting up his pelvis so he could get more of his penis into my mouth, so he could pump at me. Later in the week I was able to get him to calm down, to just hold still and let me do the work, but that was later in the week. Right then, I was too hot to even think about things like that. It'd been too long since I'd had a guy come in my mouth, too long since I'd felt that weird power that comes over me when I'm doin' it.
"Almost in anticipation of what I was going to do to him, I moved my fingers out from inside my vagina and stuck my index finger inside my own asshole. Boy, was / ready! could've gotten a telephone pole up my ass and never have felt it! Some people think that's a dirty practice - and a gynecologist would have a fit! - but I keep both orifices exceptionally clean and I douche out both cavities every day. If there's a man around, I douche even more often. I like to be ready for anything---
"Anyhow, as I was fuckin' my own asshole and then switchin' to fuck my own pussy, I realized that Jon was watching me again, his eyes bigger and bigger as it dawned on him just what the hell I was doin'. It really seemed to get to him. His prick about leaped out of my mouth, but I didn't let it go. Hell no! no big hot prick is going to get away from my mouth when I want it! An' that's just about any old time of the day or night. I'd go to sleep with a dildoe in my mouth if I knew where to buy one!
"Then Jon seemed to really go out of his head. He let go of my breasts and grabbed my head with his hands, guiding it, pulling it toward him then letting me pull back a little. He was ramming his penis in and out of my mouth like it was the hottest, tightest, best cunt ever in this mutha-fuckin' world - and damn it to hell, it is! Then I knew it was time. Without breaking rhythm or even moving enough for him to know the difference, I took my forefinger and index finger together and shoved them right up his ass!
"He must've leaped a yard, but he didn't stop me, he didn't pull away, or anything else. Oh, wow, was he gettin' it good! I could hear him like he was gagging, choking on something, but there was nothin' in his mouth. I shoved my fingers as far as I could make 'em go, then curled the tips up and spread them apart inside him, making them big like he had a penis up there. I wanted to stop everything and suck his ass, but I knew he wasn't experienced enough for me to break the momentum once he was with it. So I just kept finger-fuckin' his asshole with my right hand, sucking his dick as far back as it would go, and, at the same time, using my left hand to work on my own vagina and asshole.
"You could of heard the noises we were making even over the ocean, the way everything was slurping and slopping, running together, sweating, pumping, humping, sucking, and fucking. It was great. I didn't want it to end, but I could hear the kid with that low yell of his starting up, and I knew he'd be pumping his juices right into my waiting mouth any second, right down my throat like some nectar being spurted out of a Roman fountain. And then he was doin' it, and comin' and comin' so that I hardly had a chance to swallow his semen as fast as he was spewing it into my mouth. Oh, God, it was good! And I kept right on finger-fuckin' him, and me too, until I knew he'd had it - for a while, anyway.
"Anyway, that's how we got the week started. He was an awfully good pupil and learned real fast. Took to pussy suckin' fast, too. I still see Jon once in a while. He's married now, but his wife's a square. You know the type. She thinks a guy gets on top, pokes around for five minutes until he gets his rocks off, and that's it. Jon says he doesn't know how to break her in on the really fun things to do. Well, I've learned a lot more since that week with Jon - and sure as hell a lot more than I ever dreamed of knowing that first time with old Joe! And maybe now I'm ready to try my hand at some of all that frustrated pussy that's lying around. Jon and I are setting up plans for a little threesome real soon now. But he knows it'll have to wait until after this current case I'm on - he's a friend of old Joe who told him to specifically ask for me at the Registry. He's not young or handsome or anything, but what he's got you can't buy! There's one guy you can suck on for hour after hour, and he just never comes until he's good and ready to - almost like he's got a switch he flips on and off. Wild!"
Basically, the case of Bella R - may be considered as an example of a woman who makes full use of her faculties, without actually falling into the classification of either a compulsive oralist or a nymphomaniac. Her professional calling, nursing, simply makes her search for sexual gratification that much easier, and the apparent caution with which she engages in her activities (which are not forced upon anyone, really) displays her use of her better judgment. Her ability to enjoy both oral-genital play as well as vaginal intercourse dispels any suspicions that she might be strictly orally oriented, even though she appears to terminate her search for gratification in an oral situation.
Chapter Five
Nurse Fall, Nurse Go Down
"All I can say is that I got hooked on it, have actually become addicted to it - and that's a helluva self-diagnosis for me to come up with. I mean, one-time psychiatric nurse - with ambitions even of going on to med school for a doctorate - winding up as a - a pervert. And I really don't know whom to blame. It's difficult being objective when you know you're screwed up. I mean, being a pervert is bad enough - and there's no question of that in my mind; to put it bluntly, fucking just doesn't do a thing for me anymore. It's either going down or nothing at all. No reaction - except, of course, if I think sue - sorry, fellatio and cunnilingus, or both. Then.... Sometimes it works. But even dwelling upon it doesn't do it if the guy I wind up with starts thinking, heavily thinking, you know - like prying my legs apart and trying to run his rod into my slit - about screwing. Off! Like a cold shower. And it's not that I abhor intercourse, or have some distorted idea about it, it's just that I want it in my mouth so much that the thought of not getting it where I want it turns me off. I've got to feel it, taste it, smell it, see it - and you can hear all the wild slurping sloshy sounds much, much better when you're right on top of things____And the sensations of a mouth working between my thighs, licking around the lips, darting inside, teasing the clit - just blows my mind.... God, it frightens me. I mean, hearing myself speak. Were I listening, professionally, I mean, I'd probably come up with a 'hopeless' - no, that's emotional - with a 'psychotic' verdict. But that could be one of my problems, my trying to diagnose myself all this time instead of turning my botched-up libido over to an impersonal, objective scrutiny.
"As I said, I don't know whom to blame - primarily because 'blame' is, of course, a no-no word in psychiatry. It suggests - what? Paranoia? A guilt complex? Who was it - Murray, I think - who even coined a term for the motive to avoid blame. Called it blameavoidance. Which makes me a 'blameseeker,' I guess.....
"Anyway, I think the problem goes back to last year - I was nineteen, then - to my first trial-tenure as a psychiatric nurse. It was an inculcation the chief psychiatrist there - a psychiatric unit in a general hospital - hammered day in and day out at all the nurses who turned to him with a problem they might have run into with any one of the patients. He used to drawl out - from some source I haven't been able to locate yet - 'The nurse creates an atmosphere of trust, sup-port, and confi-dence for the patient,' he'd say. He had this habit of clipping words while he was drawling them out, and stressing them in the oddest manner. 'She enables him to verb-a\ize his con-cerres and problems, and to gain in-sight into the na-ture of his problems.' Basically, the way I understood it, he believed that the only way to tear a patient away from any compulsive obsession he or she might have was to have that patient become interested in some other thing, but of a similar nature. Which is - I'm certain - where I made my first mistake. Of becoming involved with this one - the first of quite a few - poor soul who had an obsession. And, boy, did he have an obsession! He jack - ah - he masturbated. Like, I mean, all the time. Mortimer was his name. About forty years old. Used to be a painter - a house painter, I mean. Lost his job because of too much drinking. Wife left him. I guess that's when something snapped in his mind. Pathetic----
"Anyway, the first time I saw him, he was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring out the window, and beating his property like it was condemned. Needless to say, I wasn't prepared for such a demonstration. It was a first in my book. So, I got hot and bothered - so hot and bothered, in fact, that I ground my thighs together all the way to the ladies' rest room. I knew I wasn't a lady then - but there wasn't much choice. So I got in a stall, raised my uniform dress, pulled down my panties, and, trembling like a silly schoolgirl, twiddled my excited pussy off to a nice quick orgasm. Then - and this is really something, although I don't really know what - I remembered my function at the hospital. I found Mortimer's chart and made a notation on it. I remember I wrote: Mortimer Masterbated.
"The next day, first thing in the morning when I came on duty, the doctor called me into his office and told me that no one masturbated with a capital M and an e, and that my observation was not enlightening since, if I would have taken the pains to read Mortimer's file I would have known, Mortimer had been admitted to the psychiatric ward because he himself had committed himself because he couldn't control his urge to masturbate. And then, of course, came the old spiel: 'The nurse creates the atmosphere. .. '
"So, right after the morning coffee break - it took me a while to decide on the course of action - I headed straight for Mortimer's room.
"Now, I've got to admit to one other circumstance that might have had something to do with what happened after bedcheck that night. I mean, I wasn't in the best of emotional states. I had been hurt - for the first time in my life, I might add - in a way that only jilted girls can get hurt. Particularly, jilted girls who really love. Like I loved this bastard - Vance, a philosophy major at the same college I was going to. Briefly - because it makes me mad even this long after it'd happened - I found him in my room, in my bed, ramming his filthy philosophic cock into my roommate's greedy cunt. I mean, it was in the very same bed in which the night before he had asked me to marry him. This happened about three days before my first encounter with Mortimer. I wonder sometimes if some kind of stupid revenge wasn't behind my tangle with Mortimer. Or maybe an attempt to prove my own femininity in my own eyes.... But - with a mental patient? I don't know----
"But, as I was saying, I thought - no, I forced myself to believe - that I was going about my nursing duties when I softly walked up to the door to Mortimer's room and gently pushed it open. He heard me, however. As soon as I stepped through the door, he yanked a copy of Rosicrucian Digest off his bedside table - I don't know why in the world the hospital administration had a policy of scattering some of the most unlikely magazines around, but it did.... Anyway, Mortimer pulled this magazine off the table and tried to cover his obviously exposed crotch with it, making at the same time like he was deeply engrossed in reading something in the magazine. His reaction kind of puzzled me. I mean, here he was, self-committed, aware of his problem, yet attempting to conceal that same problem from those who were trying to help him solve it. But that gave me the opening to start getting 'involved,' which, as I said, I am sure was the beginning of my trip down. Yeah!
"I sat down on the edge of his bed, about a foot away from him - Mortimer was actually a good-looking man, although a little on the emaciated side - and asked, 'What have you got there, Mortimer?'
"He jumped slightly, looked toward me, tried to look surprised, then tried to smile, then said, 'Shit.'
"I wasn't prepared for that. I mean, I wasn't sure just how he meant the remark. After all, he was in a psychiatric ward, right? And he might very well have imagined that the magazine in his lap was something other than what it really was. Hallucinations, you know? So I smiled my sweetest, nineteen-year-old smile at him, and shook my head.
"It's a magazine, Mortimer,' I said, like I was talking to a kindergartner.
"Immediately the smile left his face. He appeared annoyed - for which, of course, I couldn't blame him. I knew I had interrupted him in the midst of an activity that was undeniably quite important to him - in his mind, anyway. Besides, I was coming on like a novice, and I knew it. But his features softened some a second later and he whispered, 'Yes, honey, I know.' Then added, 'I'm sorry. It just slipped out.'
"And that left me nowhere. I mean; he was not really behaving like a psychotic - at least, I didn't think so; at the time, in fact, I don't think he was anything but embarrassed. Which began to make me feel embarrassed, and then horny - but I caught myself, remembering that I was there to help.
"Mortimer,' I said, crossing my legs. I recall every detail because everything that happened was a follow-up on everything that preceded everything that happened. Uh - cause-and-effect-in-a-chain-reaction sort of thing. Okay? Anyway, as soon as I crossed my legs, Mortimer's eyes shot toward them, then glanced away.
"His hand moved off the magazine, slowly, and disappeared under it. The motion of his wrist was unmistakable.
"Mortimer,' I repeated, clearing my throat. I was trying to dismiss the strange hint of excitement I felt between my thighs.
"Yes, miss,' he said, not looking at me, his hand still moving - though slowly - underneath the magazine.
"My name is Pamela.' I paused. Then I got up enough courage, figuring that I was a nurse, right? Ha! I was getting hot, that's all. Suddenly, I realized that here was an opportunity to get even with Vance. Of course, there was no way for him to find out, but what the hell - / would know. 'Mortimer,' I said, in as feminine and compassionate a voice as I could bring out, 'tell me - why do you do it?'
"He shrugged his shoulders. Of course, how could he know? If he knew, he wouldn't have had reason to be there, right? Just as, if / knew, I wouldn't be telling all this____
"So I asked him if his wife had left him because he masturbated. Only I used the words 'because you did what you are doing now.'
"He shook his head. 'She left because I was a lousy husband.'
"Your sex life?'
"The hand under the magazine paused then, suddenly, started moving faster. 'I - I don't want to talk about it,' he muttered.
"I had an urge to yank the Rosicrucian Digest off his lap. I wanted to see what he had there. I mean, at that point I wanted to know if - you know - if I was getting itchy in my pants for a worthwhile reason. I squeezed my legs together real tight, instead, clasped my hands together, and asked,'Did she?"What?'
"Want to talk about it.'
"Suddenly his hand stopped moving under the slick paper tent. He sighed deeply - for a second I thought he had stroked himself off to a climax - then turned his face toward me. He nodded his head; his green eyes - that was the first time I noticed their color - looked both frantic and tired at the same time. 'Yes,' he said. 'Yes. She talked about it. She talked about it all the time. All the time, that is, that I wanted to do it. She was telling me why this was wrong, that was filthy, this was perverted, that was disgusting.... She would agree to having sex only in our house, in our oedroom - even though, since we had no kids, there was never anyone else in the house - in our bed, with the lights out, and a rubber on my - ' He stopped abruptly and turned away from me toward the window. The motion made the magazine slide off his lap and fall to the floor. He didn't seem to notice, or care.
"Now, I know that at that point - being a nurse and all - I should have either bent down, picked the magazine off the floor and replaced it in his lap, or taken the towel off the foot of the bed and covered him with that. Instead, I let my eyes quickly drop to where the magazine had been - to his cock ... and balls.... He didn't have a hard on, but neither was his penis hanging limp. I mean, it was obvious that he had had it up - I mean, I was sure he did because it was arched out from the thick black curls of pubic hairs at its base, like it was bent into a curve by the gravity that was trying to pull it down, pull it down against the force of his - or its - will, need, craving, whatever, to remain erect. I had no doubt that the conversation had made it wilt____
"I'll say one thing - the sight of it made me tremble. I don't know why. I'd seen men's sex organs before. Hell, I'd more than seen them. I was no virgin. Vance - but I don't want to talk about him____Anyway, in short, I suddenly wanted Mortimer's cock. At the time, I had no specific idea of how I wanted it. I don't think there was any thought of anything out of the ordinary. I mean - you know - I wanted to make it rock-hard, to feel it... probably inside my slit, way inside my slit. My mind whirled like it was caught in a wishing machine, and it was figuring out ways on how to make my pussy-wishes come true. Actually, it didn't take much cogitation.
"I glanced quickly toward the door, saw that it was half shut, then in one movement shifted right next to Mortimer, turning my back in such a way that if anyone walked into the room the first thing they would see would be my back, and placed my trembling hand - palm-down, fingers curled - on Mortimer's half-rigid muscle....
"It was hot. It jerked slightly when the cool skin of my hand and fingers came in contact with its firm warmth. I felt Mortimer's breath catch in his lungs. I had a terrible time trying to keep my own breathing even. As my fingers curled further, closing around the muscle, feeling the thickening and hardening effect their touch produced on it, I said in a soft voice, 'She was cruel to you, Mortimer.'
"I waited for him to turn to me. When he did - his eyes soft, his mouth half open in astonishment - I squeezed my fingers firmly around his no longer semirigid cock and moved my hand slowly and in short strokes up and down. 'There is nothing, Mortimer,' I said softly, looking into his eyes, trying to keep my composure and having a helluva time with it - I mean, I was hot in the crotch of my panties - 'wrong, or filthy, or perverted, or disgusting in aything that a man and his wife - or a man and any woman, for that matter - agree to do in bed, or out of it.'
"The next instant, his hand, which I was watching out of the corner of my eye, crept off his lap and onto mine. I waited for it to start moving under the hem of my uniform. I didn't have to wait long. And as soon as his fingers were under it - between my legs, of course (I mean, Mortimer knew where what was) - I shook my head, said, 'Later,' and tucked his hard on into the fly of his pajama bottoms. Forced it in, really.
"Immediately, his hand shot to it, frantically trying to bring it out into the open again. 'Please,' he muttered, 'I want - '
"Mortimer!' I snapped at him. 'If you jack off - ' My voice must have been pretty genuinely threatening, because I didn't have to finish the threat. His hand shook, but he drew it slowly away from the almost grotesque bulge in the cotton front of his pajama bottoms. I could see a portion of the purple, plumlike head of his erection showing through the opening in the material. I moved my hand slowly toward it, placed it around the top of the tentlike protrusion and, squeezing it, said, 'Tonight - after bed-check.'
"He nodded his head, then placed his hand on my arm. 'Please promise.'
"I said, 'I promise,' got up off his bed, and slowly left the room, giving him a small wave from the door.
"I'll say one thing now. I had a struggle of a time keeping myself away from the ladies' room. Hell, I almost had an accident, trying to put off going there even when I had to. Actually, that was silly. I mean, a woman can have a number of orgasms one after another. But then, it wasn't exactly that that I was concerned about. I was afraid that if I went into one of the stalls and diddled myself off as I had already done earlier that morning, I would have somehow lost the emotional charge that I felt building up in me.
"Anyway, it took me a little lying to get the head nurse to agree to letting me work a split shift that day. I don't remember exactly what I told her I had to do that afternoon, but she let me off at noon with the understanding that I would report back for duty at eight in the evening. Bedcheck in the psychiatric ward was at nine, but I figured I'd need an hour to check everything out - like who was on, how many nurses were going to be on the ward - you know, that sort of thing....
"It was nine-fifteen when I sneaked into Mortimer's room. Before going there, I made sure that the other nurse on duty - it turned out that the hours between nine and eleven were usually uneventful enough so that only two nurses were required - was well out of the way. I actually had no problem there since, shortly after nine, she made a broad hint that she didn't know how she was going to last the remaining two hours of her shift without getting a cup of coffee. Immediately, I had suggested to her that she go on downstairs to the coffee shop - it was actually the employees' lounge with vending machines - and relax for a while. There was a phone there, so I told her that if I ran into any problems with which I couldn't cope singlehand-edly I'd give her a call downstairs. With only five patients in the unit - with four of them asleep (I had made the bedcheck myself) and one quite awake and expectant (I had given him a brief wave when I had peeked into his room) - I foresaw no reason for any interruptions when I got to my 'therapy session' with Mortimer.
"So, when the other nurse left, I wasted no time in getting to Mortimer. I was a little apprehensive of catching him with his business in his hand again. I had checked his chart for the afternoon and had learned that he had made somewhat of a nuisance of himself that afternoon. In the eight-hour period, from noon until eight, he had rung his bedside buzzer over twenty-five times, asking - according to the chart - for everything from time to a glass of water to a trip to the patients' lounge to a scratch for his back "at a spot where he claimed he couldn't reach," the notation said. He explained his behavior, however, as soon as I came into his room and pulled the door shut. On the outside doorknob I had hung a Do Not Disturb sign - just in case.
"I've been going mad all day, Pamela,' he said when I was in the room. He was lying on the bed, his arms under his head. The bed had been raised to an upright, sitting position.
"I smiled at him, amused at his somewhat inappropriate choice of words. 'How do you mean?' I asked, walking up to the side of the bed and placing my hand on his shoulder. I felt him shudder slightly.
"Waiting for you - wondering if you would come. Wondering if you were telling me the truth this morning. Wondering if your promise meant anything.' He paused, withdrew his arms from under his head and brought his hands down to rest on my hips. 'After all, a promise to a madman - '
"Mortimer - ' I cut in, but he continued as if I hadn't said anything.
" - is a promise that need not be kept.'
"Momentarily, I felt my heart contract, hold, then skip a beat. 'I try never to break a promise - no matter whom I make it to,' I said, feeling that I had, somehow, said the wrong thing again. But Mortimer just smiled. His hands pressed a little firmer against my hips.
"I hate women who wear girdles,' he said.
"But I'm not - "
"That's why I said it,' he whispered. Then: 'I thought of you all day, Pamela. I thought of you - thought of you ... and thought of myself, trying to - ' He stopped, his eyes fixed on mine.
"It's absolutely ridiculous, but I forgot totally that I was a nurse, that he was.... I bent down toward him, my lips burning, my mouth half open, and brushed my lips against his. Then my mouth came back to his, crushed against his, open, his tongue sliding like a thick serpent into it. He had moved to his side, to face me, and his knee was wedged in between my thighs. I lowered my body so that his knee was no longer just between my thighs, but was higher - grinding, pressing, playing a fiery havoc in and around my pussy. The combination of his tongue action - screwing in and out of my mouth - and of his knee pressing against my pubic bone, then slipping beneath it and into the soft pillow of flesh and hair bordering my slit, made my mind go to pieces. I spread my legs as far as the uniform would allow and straddled his knee, worked it in further between my thighs, then bore down on it, feeling the coolness of the sweat and juices soaking the crotch of my panties, pressing in between my vaginal lips and into them.
"When he finally slid his lips off mine, I groaned, sobbed almost. His mouth worked down my chin, to my throat, then slid toward the vale between my breasts. His words - he gasped them out in-between each hot, moist kiss - made me whimper.
I "Oh, Pamela - Pamela,' he whispered, his Ivoice unsteady, his hands moving up on my hips, pulling my uniform up with them, 'I was - afraid____ I was afraid that - I'd been - dreaming____" His hands moved over my stomach to the front of the uniform. 'I must still - be dreaming!' His fingers trembled, fumbled with the buttons down the front of the uniform. But he managed them. His fingers felt hot through my slip, then still hotter when he raised its nylon and palmed my stomach with his hands - only the thin gauze of my panties between the heat of his hands and the heat of my skin. 'Am I dreaming, Pamela? Am I dreaming?'
"I shook my head, then realized he couldn't see my head - -his face was inches away from my pantie-covered mound of fur and skin and juices. 'No - oh, God, no!' I muttered, losing my balance, falling on the bed over him, delirious with the feel of his hands sliding my panties over my hips, down, down, down until I felt the cool air of the room and the heat of his breath ruffling my pussy hairs. 'Does it look like a dream, Mortimer?' I managed to gasp out, feeling a hardness under my left elbow, a firmness that could be nothing but----
"I shifted my body slightly and moaned. He was lifting my legs off the floor, raising my lower torso up high, then lowering it - my thighs spread by his strong hands - lowering it until I felt a firm, moist, trembling shaft delving in between my pussy lips, entering me, then withdrawing with a flick against my clitoris. I had to suppress the whimper that fluttered up to my lips. I tore at the sheets on Mortimer's body until the hardness that had nudged me in the elbow was a rigid staff of flesh in front of my face. I grasped it with one hand and bent it toward my mouth.
"Ummmm - honrmneyyy!' His lively tongue hummed against my pussy lips, licking up and down their length, sucking one then the other into his mouth, his lips alternated, now and then catching a clump of pussy hairs and pulling on it, pulling on it, then releasing it - and sliding his tongue back in, all the way in ... until his lips were pressed flush around my slit.
"Unable to stand the action of his tongue, teeth - he nibbled on my clit with them, on my puffy and sensitive pussy lips, on the mound above the moisture-filled opening - and lips, I opened my mouth wide and brought it down over the plum-smooth head of his cock. I kept moving down on it until I felt the smoothness lodge in my throat. I gagged, trying to keep my whimpering, my moaning under control at the same time, then withdrew my mouth until just the crown of his hard on was inside my mouth. I let my tongue play around the hot, moist, smooth head - I tried to slide the tip of my tongue into the slit - I sucked - I rolled it around inside my mouth with my tongue, all the time bucking my hips up and down over his face, grinding my snatch into his face, spreading my legs as far as they would go, then bringing them together until I felt his ears compressed against the sweaty, hot insides of my thighs.
"I had never before felt the sensations that were coursing through my body within the next few minutes, seconds - I wasn't sure of the time at all. All I knew is that all of my nerve endings seemed to have been concentrated in my mouth and my vagina; they seemed to be two centers from which all sensations spread and encompassed my entire body in a turbulent whirlpool of lust. I wanted, craved, needed relief, and at the same time I wanted to give Mortimer the relief that he needed so much. It's odd, but in the middle of our thrashing I suddenly wondered if Mortimer ever came when he jacked himself off. I wondered if he weren't----
"It wasn't long before I found out that he wasn't. No, he was not impotent. I'll vouch for that! And I - I, sure as hell, wasn't frigid.
"He made me come first. I don't know what exactly it was that he did (I don't think that his sliding his finger progressively further and further into my anus had anything to do with it, I don't know), but whatever it was, I had suddenly felt this indescribable feeling sweeping over me - like somebody had strummed a chord on a set of taut strings I knew were both nonexistent and, at the same time, were all attached to the nub of flesh-muscle at the top of my vaginal slit. It just about made me pass out. I remember that I had an urge to scream, but couldn't - not with Mortimer's cock throbbing and pulsating in my mouth. I swear I could feel the blood pump in and out of it, alternating its rigidity and size from firm and large to rock-hard and enormous.
"I know that at the moment I felt the churning inside my pussy reach a violence that made my whole body tremble, I clamped my thighs tightly against Mortimer's head, pressed my sa-liva-and-juice-soaked mound into his mouth, and bore down with my teeth into the rigidity of his cock in my mouth. Fortunately, I caught myself doing that last thing. I slackened the hold, let out a howl, and then felt his come spurting, spurting, spurting - God, I thought he'd never stop squirting his hot, thick semen into my throat. I have to admit, I gagged on the first load, but I gulped and swallowed it just in time to catch the next batch, adjust my breathing, and start drinking the syrup being delivered from his balls.
"When it was all over, I felt like just lying there on top of him, feeling his softening penis lying relaxed between my half-open lips, feeling his breath against the dampness of my crotch. But he nudged me.
"Pamela, darling?'
"I raised my head, turned my face toward him, and smiled. 'Ummmm!' I moaned. Then, realizing that I had no idea how long I'd been in his room, I rolled off him, picked up my panties off the floor, stuck them in the uniform pocket, covered his nakedness with the sheet, and, bending over him, kissed him briefly on the lips. The idea that his semen and my vaginal fluids were mixing in that fleeting kiss sort of thrilled me. As I straightened up, Mortimer caught hold of my hand and brought it to his lips.
"I was almost at the door when he called my name. I turned around. 'Yes, Mortimer?' I asked him, smiling.
"He looked at me kind of strangely, shrugged his shoulders almost imperceptibly, then shook his head. I thought I heard him sigh, but I'm not sure.
"Anyway, that was the last I saw of him. The next day he asked for a discharge. That's what I was told, anyhow. I was off duty that day and the next. But I didn't pine for Mortimer - not for long. He was followed by a string of other more than willing patients - and nonpatents - there as well as the other places I worked. None of them ever got to sticking their cocks in between my legs. For some reason, I didn't want that. And there were no problems, really - I mean, you know, Vance was totally forgotten. And I don't suppose there would have been any problems if what happened last week hadn't happened - my going down on Peter. That was his name - Peter. Peter, the prick."
In Psalm 116 of the King James Version of the Bible, a psalm attributed to King David, it is written: "All men are liars." It is a truism that encompasses more than verbally proclaimed falsehoods - it includes unspoken and disguised self-deceptions as well - and is a facet of man's personality without which it is doubtful that there would be any need for the science of abnormal psychology. Sir Thomas Browne, a noted seventeenth-century author and physician of England, recognized this folly of man some two millenia after King David's psalmody, stating, in his Religio Medici, that "every man [is] his greatest enemy, and, as it were, his own executioner."
In Pamela's case, this self-deception becomes obvious even if one has nothing but the preceding and following segments of her narrative to go by. Actually, when one considers the fact that oral-genital activity, in spite of its wide incidence, is still classified in most codices of law as a crime (Samuel G. Kling, in his Sexual Behavior and the Law, writes: "Under our present outmoded laws, both [fellatio and cunnilingus] are punishable under statutes against sodomy, usually with severe sentences." Jean Strouse, in Up Against the Law, echoes Kling with the words: "There are laws which say that any sexual penetration of any body opening other than the vagina and by the penis is to be considered sodomy - meaning that husbands and wives can be sent to jail for privately engaging in mouth-genital ... contacts."), it is not surprising that Pamela, being undoubtedly aware of such laws, chose at the very outset of her narrative to proclaim herself a "pervert." There can be no question that she herself did not believe this self-diagnosis. Her words, "there were no problems, really, until last week" (the week that she was exposed, that is) belie both her insistence of being a "pervert"
and her relatively sudden decision to seek psychiatric help. (It should be pointed out that Pamela turned toward a psychiatrist of her own volition; the administration of the psychiatric ward where she was last employed chose not to press criminal charges against her - probably from fear of unfavorable publicity.)
The question of whether Pamela was indeed "perverted" or not is not only difficult to answer (unless the term perverted is defined and accepted), but is actually irrelevant to both the analysis of her case and the general tenor of this work. In the opinion of this observer, too many of the current works dealing with the innumerable psychosexual problems of men, women, and children misspend an excessive quantity of printer's ink and reader's time in defining terms, coining words and phrases, and, in general, putting on a bombastic circus rather than attempting to diagnose the problem, seek out its causes, and, subsequently, concentrate on curing the victim.
Were Pamela to have sought out a therapist who adhered to the Freudian school of psychiatry, the chances are that the problem of the young woman's oral obession would have been tackled as a regression neurosis, brought about by a desire to return to the early (Freudian) "oral stage" of development, a desire spurred by a carry-over into adulthood of early infantile experiences at that same "oral stage." Such an approach to her problem would have, in fact, evaded her real psychosexual difficulty, or, at best, would have taken her on a restructuring of her already disturbed sexual desire into a form that could be treated through Freudian psychoanalysis.
Consequently, rather than dwelling on Pamela's flagrant "obsession" with oral-genital activity, her therapist concentrated on her attitudes toward vaginal coitus and her reasons for rejecting such an act. He felt that her reluctance to go into more details during the first therapeutic session on her relationship with her ex-fiance, Vance, as well as her concurrent insistence (more emphatic than long-dwelling) that she did not want to engage in sexual intercourse, held the clue to her oral "obession." Through a series of psychodiagnostic sessions, Pamela's therapist learned that Pamela's oral tendency was less of a positive obsession than her anticoital attitude. It was learned that Pamela had held reservations about vaginal intercourse from her early adolescence, when her mother, having been under somewhat traumatic circumstances abandoned by her husband (Pamela's father), had fairly indoctrinated the girl with the belief that men were interested in nothing other than "ruining" a girl by - as Pamela quoted her mother saying - "ramming their organs into her, and knocking her up." In spite of her initial insistence that she had been quite promiscuous, Pamela later admitted that she had, indeed, only had two other lovers before Vance, lovers with whom she had had sexual intercourse consummated. Her mother's admonitions, apparently, had made a strong impression on her. The first two boys with whom she had had coitus zhe had herself terminated her relationship with, claiming that she had found that, although both of the boys had attained the eja-culatory peak of sensation, she had been "reluctant" to enjoy it, "knowing what they really were, and what they were after."
Only in her sexual relationship with the philosophy major, her ex-fiance, Vance, did she manage to push her mother's warnings aside and fully enjoy vaginal sexual intercourse. Naturally, because of her somewhat limited earlier experiences with men, she considered Vance to be the man of her life. He was affectionate, tender, considerate of her physical well-being - everything, in other words, but what her mother had told her about men. Pamela idolized him.
It is not surprising, therefore, that her finding her fiance in bed with another woman - in another woman, in fact - shattered the relatively beatific vision she had managed to weave around the solidly constructed man-moster of her mother's distraught (and undeniably vicious) mind. Pamela's subsequent acts - particularly her first almost unbelievable tryst with Mortimer, the compulsive masturbator - were nothing more than an attempt to strike back at Man. She learned - although she must have been aware of the idea of fellatio and cunnilingus - that she could use the male for her own gratification without any risk of, in her words, "involvement." That she had to reciprocate - or that she did reciprocate - to cunnilingus through fellatio did not seem to bother her. She may have actually thought that by fellating the man she was forcing him to give her sexual pleasure by his mouth; it is possible that she was not even consciously aware of the. reciprocation. As a matter of fact, she might have even enjoyed the oral stimulation men were bestowing upon her more because of her own oral actions. For, as David Reuben points out in his Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* But Were Afraid to Ask:
If a woman takes a man's penis into her mouth while he is stimulating her genitals in the same way, their mutual excitement is likely to quadruple as the nerve transmissions double and redouble in response to increasingly acute stimulation. She feels the insistent throbbing of the organ against her lips, and experiences a slightly salty taste, as well as the characteristic but not unpleasant odor of the sudoriferous glands of the area. Because the penis is much larger in comparison than the clitoris she can also see the male genitals as she proceeds.
As we return to Pamela's narrative, we cannot help but notice the determination with which she must have obviously grasped at every opportunity offered her to, in her mind, "use the male animal," and disregarded at the same time the fact that she was providing them with no less pleasure.
"Peter popped out of nowhere, suddenly, taking me totally by surprise. And how! I'd been working at the A-S-H-Sanatorium, a sort of home for the borderline aged. I mean, they were aged, and they were also sort of neither here nor there as far as psychoses and neuroses went. Actually, the 'aged' part was stretched a little. Anyone who could afford the three hundred and some dollars a month, with a contract signed for a year, could get in. But there weren't really too many patients in the place who were what you might call young. The youngest one, I believe, was an aerospace engineer of forty-six. He couldn't afford the upkeep of his family - three mistresses and a kid of thirteen (he was a widower) - so he took the easy way out, apparently having laid enough away for just such a vacation. I sucked him off regularly in his bathroom. A couple of times a week we managed to work something out so he could get his tongue playing cock in my cunt____God - you know, I never used to talk with such fucking profanity? But that's neither here nor there. Peter..,.
"If we didn't have a full house at A. S. H. Sanatorium, I probably would have suspected that something wasn't on the up and up, you know, but the place was full. So, when the head nurse called me into her office one morning - last weekend, I think it was - and asked me if I would mind making a house call that day - 'Take some blood samples, give a Rorschach test - you know, routine procedure,' she had said - I thought nothing of it. I mean, I said that, of course, I wouldn't mind. Then: 'Who is it?'
"Oh,' she answered, sort of evading my gaze, "just someone who had called Dr. P- this morning, requesting admission when we have a vacancy. His name is Peter F-. Actually, just between us, I think he's a bit on the youngish side for us, but - ' She shrugged her shoulders, letting her but hang.
"She gave me the directions and Peter F-'s address. I took what I needed to run the tests, hopped into my car, and took off for the morning. The head nurse told me that they wouldn't expect me back until after lunch....
"Peter F-lived in a transient type of an apartment house, which, at the time (again), I thought nothing of. It was anything but classy. Long, dark hallways, worn carpets, squeaking stairs, and a broken skylight high above the five-story stairwell. His room was on the fifth floor. Well, you couldn't really call it an apartment. There was a burner in the closet - which he called his Tcitchen.' In fact, that was the first thing he said. I had rung the doorbell, he swung the door open, grinned - he had large, beautiful white teeth - and said, 'Hi! You must be from the rest home....' (Smart - with me standing there in my nurse's uniform.) 'I've got coffee perking in the kitchen. Would you like some?'
"I nodded my head, muttered, 'Thanks.' I'll say one thing - 4ie was one helluva hunk of a man. I hadn't been able to resist sliding my eyes down his front when he swung the door open. And that he had something in his slacks, I had no need to doubt. His cock was all right there. I could practically see its entire outline right under the material of the slacks. And it looked like it was not in a state of total rest. Now, I shouldn't have been so obvious. Although, when you get right down to it, it wouldn't have mattered.
"He caught my gaze. 'You are making it hard for me,' he said.
"My eyes scampered up his fly, up his stomach and chest, skipped over his lips and nose, and stopped on his eyes. This guy, I thought, sure knows how to break de ice. 'You're as subtle as the grandmother-eating wolf,' I shot back at him as he ushered me in.
"You know,' he said, taking my medical kit from me, 'I have always thought that the wolf - the one you are talking about - was dumb. Real dumb.' He shut the door behind me and indicated the armchair standing by the window.
"How do you mean?'
"Well - you don't mind if we skip the coffee, do you?'
"I shook my head. He headed for the closet. I stopped him. 'No/ I said, 'I don't really want any. Thanks.'
"He turned back toward me - I was already sitting down in the deep armchair, realizing suddenly that, he could look right down in-between my thighs - and said, 'The wolf.' Then he walked toward me, bent down, placing his hands on the armchair rests on either side of me, and smiled.
"What about the wolf?' Wow, I thought, what a patient!
"The wolf talked too much - and he was obviously perverted.' He paused. I didn't say anything - also tried not to look down at his cock, which I sensed was getting stiffer and stiffer___.
"The wolf shouldn't have wasted his time with the old woman. He should have eaten Little Red Riding Hood. Right there in the forest. When they were alone. When no one was watching.'
"To my surprise, I felt a blush creeping across my face. I cleared my throat, however, and asked, 'Is that what you would have done - if you were the wolf?'
"He nodded his head, his eyes - I noticed that they were like dark coals beneath his bushy eyebrows, yet totally expressionless - seemed to stare into me, through me____'I - * He paused again. ' - am the wolf.' His tongue - I trembled - slipped out between his teeth, licked his lips. 'You - ' Pause.' - are Little Red Riding Hood.'
"I let my legs fall apart. He had turned me on, like I was hooked on to his battery. 'And you are going to eat me,' I said. I didn't question it.
"But he nodded his head anyway. His right hand came off the armchair and moved down into the wide gap between my knees. I caught his hand. Held it.
"He raised his eyebrows.
"I smiled. 'If the wolf is going to eat Little Red Riding Hood, Little Red Riding Hood is going to eat the wolf.'
"His left hand came off the armrest, moved toward his belt buckle; his fingers gripped the zipper tab and pulled it down.
"There was nothing under his slacks but long, wavy, dark pubic curls gathered around the base of his blue-veined hard on. It was hard - even to the eyes. I could see nothing but the couple of inches of it at the base. Thick. Judging by where its head was outlined beneath the material of the slacks, it was all of eight inches long.
"I licked my lips, feeling moisture gathering in a slick film on my pussy lips. 'Give it to me,' I murmured. 'Give me that wolf-cock.'
"And he did. He pulled his trousers down and his staff sprang out, pointing straight at my face, a drop of lubricant fluid at the gaping opening at the tip of it.
"I opened my mouth and he walked his cock into it. I felt his hand sliding down my thigh - down, the way I was sitting; felt it splitting into hot fingers that insinuated themselves under the elastic band of my panties; felt their tips playing with the curls of my cunt hairs, playing with the slickness of my cunt lips, playing with the depth of my cunt tunnel - sliding in and out, tweaking the clit on the outstroke.
"Deciding to give my mouth a helping hand, I brought my fingers up to the swinging sac underneath Peter's peter, and rolled their contents around between my fingers, letting his hard on continue on its pistonlike trip in and out of my slick mouth-sheath. The realization that I got his cock in my mouth and his fingers in my cunt before getting his name - directly from him almost made me laugh. But then I realized that he was just frigging me - and I wanted to be eaten. I pushed against his stomach until the head of his cock popped out of my mouth. I gasped, 'Eat my pussy, wolf! Eat my - '
"Before I knew what was happening, he had me in his arms, out of the armchair, and being rotated into an upside-down position. I tried flailing my arms in an effort to right myself, but before I knew it - again - I was no longer moving. He was sitting in the armchair, and I was resting my elbows on the armrests, with my mouth over his erection, and my ass the uppermost portion of my anatomy, with my cunt glued against Peter's mouth. He was chewing on my pussy through my panties. Which was a first for me - sort of wild. My legs were resting on the back of the armchair, one on either side of his head, so, all in all, I wasn't really uncomfortable....
"So I brought my face down and gobbled up his wavering cock. It was erect, but it sort of tilted - from all that weight, I suppose. I tried swallowing as much of Peter's erection as I could, but I only succeeded in getting half of it into my mouth. It was, I swear, the largest piece of meat I'd ever run across. So I did the best I could with what I was able to work with. I nibbled on it, sucked on it, licked it up and down the shaft, twirled my tongue over its engorged red head, nipped at the fold of skin just underneath its head, and slid the foreskin up and down its solid length. Then, letting my hands do their thing on the cock, I brought my mouth down to the man's balls and sucked them in one at a time.
"Then he started reacting. At first his movements were almost unnoticeable, but gradually I began to feel his pelvis start jerking up toward my face, driving his hard on more forcefully into my throat. And his mouth on my drenched crotch was getting more violent. His large hands resting on my ass cheeks, he started drawing my cunt with more and more firmness against his mouth, bucking his cock up into my mouth with equal force.
"The instant I started feeling the delicious sensation radiating from between my pussy lips, spreading throughout my body, reechoing from my rigid nipples, I grasped the base of Peter's cock in my hand and started jacking him off, his cock-head sliding freely around inside my mouth. I felt his sperm coursing through his cock within the grasp of my hand, and then I felt it filling my mouth. It was. difficult to swallow - considering my upside-down position - but I managed. Every drop. Feeling my cunt lips fluttering against his mouth at the same time----
"We were resting - in that same ridiculous position - when Peter told me. That he was a plant. Apparently, one of the sons-of-bitches at the sanatorium had let it slip that I had blown him - so the administration decided to have
Peter F-, Doctor Peter F-, check the rumor out. The rumor that I was not fit to be a nurse----That I was actually a candidate for the patients' side of the psychiatrist's desk____"
Although the manner in which the trap, so to speak, was set for Pamela cannot be admired (in fact, it must be considered as both cruel in its wiliness and unethical), it should be pointed out that an investigation of the circumstances by Pamela's therapist - to whom, naturally, some of the internal procedures of the patient's last place of employment were known - presented him with what turned out to be an effective lever in convincing Pamela that gender was no criterion for prejudice. Specifically, he pointed out that the administration official who instigated the plan for setting Doctor Peter F as a plant for Pamela's proclivity, was a Dorothy G-, a female. He also cited for Pamela the innumerable instances of "unfaithfulness" admitted to in his records by women, balancing these out, of course, for credibility with similar instances "perpetrated" by men.
Although Pamela is still undergoing a post-therapeutic series of dialogue sessions with her therapist, the prognosis for her is definitely favorable.
CONCLUSION
In each of the foregoing case histories we have seen the constantly recurring theme of an active desire on the part of the woman to participate in an oral sex act. This runs directly contrary to the general opinions held by most people on this subject.
It is generally believed that oral sex acts, when they are performed, are at the command and desire of the man, the woman being "forced" into participation, even where the participation is voluntary. Therefore, it becomes obvious that there exists a drive and an urge towards the performance of oral sex acts on the part of the female. In this instance the words "drive" and "urge" are used in their technical senses, as they are described in H.C. Warren's Dictionary of Psychology:
A drive is any intro-organic activity or condition which supplies stimulation for a particular type of behavior. It covers both organic activating conditions, such as hunger and presumably cerebral conditions, such as mental set or such as desire for a particular object.
An urge is a strong tendency to perform a certain act.
While both of these definitions seem to be covered in the oral sexual episodes presented in this book, we must state that, in addition to the drive and urge, there is a definite measure of volition added in. That is, not only does the person involved feel an active desire for oral sexual activity, as opposed to sexual activity of an un-specific nature, but he (or she, in most of the cases contained here) has a constant intellectual desire to take part in an oral sex experience.
Except in the cases where it was obvious there was a functional psychosis, the determining factor in oralism-participation was conscious desire. A sexual encounter was going to take place, regardless of the method of gratification. It was in studying this sort of situation that Dr. K. Dunlap, in Social Psychology, observed:
We are not considering primarily what a man needs, but what he wants; that is what his psychological processes are directed towards. A man may need various things without wanting them; he may also want things that he does not need.
Obviously, in the majority of the cases presented here, we had the situation of a man wanting something that he did not need. Sexual gratification through oralism. With gratification and release being the prime goal, the method that goal was reached by becomes secondary.
The very fact that oralism can today be discussed, that books are being written about it, that psychologists and psychiatrists are studying it, and in some cases recommending it, says much for the progress our society is making towards fuller sexual freedom and emotional stability. It wasn't very many years ago that oralism was classed with such diverse sexual abnormalities as bestiality, necrophilia, sadism and masochism. Today we are slowly, but surely, retreating from that position, as members of the scientific community realize that both oral excitation and oral gratification have a legitimate place in the spectrum of sexual approach and response.
Finally, it might be appropriate here to examine a little more closely the difference between exclusive oral sexual practices to the point of gratification, experimental or wider^ range gratification through oralism, and oralism as a form of preplay.
The use of direct oral stimulation as a form of preplay, without following through to the point of gratification, is becoming quite common in our society. The almost universal practice of "french kissing" and the kissing of the female breasts has made the step to manipulation of the sex organs by oral means a small one, one that more and more people are taking. While this is not usually considered to be oralism, in the strictest sense, since the activity is stopped prior to physical release, we must include it since it almost always leads to further experimentation in oralism.
Experimental or wider-range gratification through oral manipulation is the truest form of oralism. The partners actively seek gratification (completion) by oral means, but use these oral means as an adjunct to more conventional forms of sexual activity. The desired result is sexual gratification, with oralism being only one means of achieving this result. The partners can find equal satisfaction from conventional sexual practices or from other forms of sexual stimulation.
Oral stimulation and gratification as a sole means of sexual expression is the only form of oralism which might still be referred to as a "perversion," in that it is the only form in which there is a functional mental psychosis. Here the person involved is unable to achieve sexual gratification in any other way, indicating serious mental disturbances. Fortunately, this situation is relatively rare, and the disorders associated with it are not often very complex, lending themselves to relatively easy solutions.
Oralism has become an ever more accepted part of the spectrum of sexual activity, a part which can not help but lead to greater emotional freedom and balance on the part of those who have reduced their repressions and guilt feelings sufficiently to the point where they can participate in this exciting experience.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Browne, Thomas. Religio Medici. Edited by John Winny. New York: Cambridge University Press, 1963.
Cizon. Morality and Mental Health. Chicago: Rand McNally, 1967.
Dorcus, Roy M., and Shaffee, G. Wilson. Textbook of Abnormal Psychology. Baltimore: Williams & Wilkins Co., 1945.
Reuben, David. Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask. New York: Bantam Books, 1969.
