"The next afternoon a very strange thing happened to me. I went to the hill after finishing my chores. It was an extremely hot day and I wanted to swim in the river. I took off my clothes on the top of the hill and ran down naked, until I came to the bottom. Then I ran into the water-it was very cold-and flipped over and over, refreshing myself. When I walked out of the water onto the river bank I was startled to see a woman sitting there watching me.
"I covered my nakedness with one hand and shielded my eyes from the sun to see who it was. I had never seen her before, but she was quite good looking and about twenty-five or thirty years old. She was sitting with her legs drawn up and her naked pussy was visible to me.
"I stared in wonder. Who was she? What was she doing there? She put her legs down and leaned back. Her white blouse shined in the sunlight and I could see the dark spots where her nipples touched the material underneath.
"Do not cover yourself! You are a very beautiful boy. I enjoy looking at you!" she called to me.
"I was shocked, but I listened to her. I moved my hands from my penis and stood naked in front of her. My body was still dripping wet as I walked toward her.
"I am visiting friends about a mile up the river. I went for a walk and saw you bathing here. I am Maria. Come here, don't be afraid."
"I walked to within a few feet of her. I brushed some of the water from my hair and said, "I am Antonio. We live just over the hill."
"You are very exciting for a woman to look at, Antonio. How old are you?"
"Almost thirteen."
"She couldn't believe it. "You are kidding me! I would swear you are at least sixteen! You have a cock bigger than my husband's!"
"I looked down at my penis. It was hanging full in front of me. I didn't know what to say or do. But I didn't have to wonder for long. She reached up and took my cock in her hand and held it tight.
"My cock became hard almost instantly. Holding on to it, she squeezed it until it began to hurt. Then she let go and caressed my balls with her fingers. I loved the feeling, and I moved my body closer, spreading my legs a bit so she could get between them. Then she found my asshole with her fingertip and rubbed it gently. My cock stood straight out in front of me.
"Then she lay on the ground and put her legs up. She pulled her dress to her waist and exposed her hairy cunt before me. It was a beautiful sight and I instinctively grabbed my cock as I knelt down between her legs, looking at it, feeling very excited.
"Antonio, when I lift my legs into the air, I want you to put your cockhead on my anus, understand?"
"I nodded. I would do anything she wanted.
"But first, come here and let me suck on you for a minute."
"I moved quickly and knelt down next to her face. She opened her sensual dark lips and fitted them around the head of my cock. I held her hair in my hands as she moved her head up and down on my shaft. The feeling was better than when Frederico had done it and the way she played with my heavy balls while she did it caused even more sensations of pleasure in my young body.
"Finally, just when I realized I was getting ready to shoot, she pulled her head away and told me to go to her bottom. I got up and moved between her legs again, kneeling there with my wet cock in one hand. She lifted her legs high and pulled her feet over her face. Her pussy and asshole were spread before me as I moved the head of my cock down and braced myself with one hand.
"I placed the head of my cock against the pink opening of her anus and she gasped. "Antonio, push till the head goes in just a little. Then make it come, make it shoot! I want to feel your hot young cream in my hole and all over my ass!"
"Her words excited me more than anything ever had. I pressed the tip of my cock into her ass and to my surprise the muscle gave way and it entered without any problem. Then I moved my hand up and down the shaft. It was so very strange, not seeing the head of my cock, but masturbating on it at the same time. Her shouts of ecstasy were echoed by the valley.
"In a minute I filled her with my semen. I pumped squirt after squirt into her and watched as it seeped out around the top of my cock and ran down her asshole. She brought one hand down and rubbed my come all over her pussy and her tummy. Her face was flushed and happy. And I could see a trickle of clear fluid coming out of her pussy.
"As the last spurt of come shot from my cock, I knew I couldn't stand it any longer. The stones in the ground were digging into my knees and my body was trembling. I had a great desire to fuck her, to shove my cock all the way up her ass. I had never fucked anything or anyone before and I was desperate to know what it felt like.
"So I did. I took my hand away and shoved my hips forward. Maria let out a scream which could almost have caused the aqueduct to collapse! I let my body fall to hers and her feet wrapped around my back. My cock slid in because of the lubrication of my semen and another surge shot through my body. I was getting harder again and I felt even more excited.
"Fuck me! Hard! Fuck my asshole, little big boy!" She shouted and clawed at my naked back. I pumped my ass hard, shoving my long cock in and out of her wet asshole. In a few moments I felt my pressure rising again and I let loose with a powerful orgasm that filled her once again. My cock went soft, and my mind was spinning. I finally pulled out of her and rolled over on the ground.
"We were silent for a few moments and then she sat up and straightened her dress. Antonio, you must have lied to me about your age. No boy of thirteen can do what you just did. Thank you, beautiful Antonio."
"I asked her how long she would be in the area. She said till the day after tomorrow.
"Then I could see you tomorrow, yes?" I asked with anticipation.
"Yes, surely. Here, tomorrow afternoon." She stood up.
"Yes, Maria, I will be here." I stood up also. She bent over and kissed me on the forehead and started up the river. I watched her until she was out of sight. I resisted the temptation to masturbate then, for I was still very excited. But I knew I would have to save myself for the next day. I jumped in the river, then ran up the hill and got dressed and went home ...
"It was difficult to return the next day because Rita wanted me to help her clean the barn, and I pretended to be feeling terrible, telling her I would do it the next day. She believed me and I took off early in the afternoon for the river. Maria met me there and we took off our clothes and played in the water until we were so excited we couldn't stand it any longer. We stood in the hot sun on the river bank and held each other tightly.
"I wanted to do the same thing we did the day before; I wanted to put my cock up her asshole. I had thought about it all night. I woke often, finding it hard to sleep, and played with myself, touching my cock and asshole, which sent shivers up my spine. It seemed very natural for me to fuck her ass again. I didn't even think about her pussy.
"Suck on my nipples," Maria said to me, pushing my head down to her breasts. They were hard and I pulled them into my lips and licked them with my tongue. She was very pleased and she returned the favor by sinking to her knees in front of me and taking my hard cock into her mouth. She sucked on it for a minute as I stood with my hands on my hips, with my legs spread in the sandy soil. The sun beat down and I was in heaven.
"She moved her head off my cock and started licking my balls. I shuddered as I watched her lovely face under my long thick cock, lapping my testicles. She sucked them into her mouth and swirled them with her tongue, and then she licked my thigh and brought her hands up to my ass cheeks.
"Turn around, Antonio," she ordered. I wondered what she was going to do. I turned around so my ass faced her. She kissed it and let her tongue slide down between the cheeks.
"Now bend over slowly," she said, and I did. "Oh, you are so hairy in between!" she exclaimed happily. Then, when I was facing the ground, she kissed me directly on the opening to my anus and I thought I would faint! The sensation was incredible! She licked and sucked and buried her head between the cheeks of my ass. She spread them with her hands and then moved her fingers down between my legs and began pulling on my cock. I nearly came, but held back for what was to follow.
"I want to fuck you," I said as I stood up. She smiled and lay back on the ground, naked, spreading her shapely legs. I knelt between them. But she did not pull her legs up as the day before.
"I know," I said, "why don't you turn over and I'll put it in from behind!"
"Antonio, I want to have you fuck me normally! In my cunt!"
"I thought about it for a moment and felt at once disappointed and afraid. I don't know why, I just did. I tried to put my cock in her pussy but I found that my erection had fallen down to such a point that I couldn't. She begged for it, but I just couldn't do it.
"All right, we will try the other. I want your beautiful hard cock in me anyplace I can get it!" And then she lifted her legs and I saw her asshole, hot and gleaming in the sunlight. I put my cock to the opening and it got hard as a rock immediately. I shoved with all my might and entered her. We fucked there on the ground till I came."
The understanding of the Oedipus complex is of paramount importance to us for an understanding of the problems which confront the neurotic as well as the normal individual. This complex, the common lot of civilized mankind, was the discovery of psychoanalysis. Freud, in his search for the secrets which beset the neurotic, and the desire to help free them from aberration, so that they could take an active and constructive part in society, found it necessary to trace the childhood experiences of these affected individuals.
Certain techniques were innovated in order to accomplish this purpose. First, from his studies with Charcot and Bernheim, Freud found that, with the application of a technique known as hypnosis, the individual was able to relate certain traumatic experiences which seemingly he had long forgotten. Originally, Freud thought that, by having these individuals abreact (relive) the aberrative histories of their life with the full emotions they experienced at the original time, somehow the dammed-up emotional energy would free itself, thereby curing the individual.
But the catharsis theory for the cure of mental illness was found to be premature. Freud discovered that the cure only lasted as long as the patient believed in him. If, for some reason or other, the patient would lose faith in the analyst, the symptoms would reappear. This faith and the subsequent hypothetical cure were found to be the result of suggestion.
It is to Freud's credit that he noticed the large part played by suggestion in the cathartic method of therapy and sought to obviate it. He found that this suggestive phenomenon resembled falling in love, and it was in conjunction with this that he first recognized the phenomenon now known as transference.
In this love transference, the patient saw in his analyst the return of some important figure out of his past, and consequently transferred onto his analyst the feelings which related to this individual. In the positive aspect of the transference, the patient transferred to the analyst the affectionate feelings out of his childhood that related to his situation with his father and mother. Consequently, there appeared the aim of winning the love of the analyst, which included that of a sexual nature. It was found that, while attempting to win the analyst's love, the patient would cure his own symptoms. Since these cures were designed to please the analyst, their effects lasted only as long-as the love transference remained active.
Besides the discovery of the transference and its relation to the phenomenon of hypnosis, new means were discovered to extract the repressed material. Originally, the cathartic method of hypnosis and abreaction gave way to that of concentration, whereby the patient closed his eyes and reported to the analyst the first picture or thought in association with a question.
Next, in modification of the latter, the pressure technique was developed. If the patient replied in the negative to a question, Freud suggested that, after he placed his hands on the patient's forehead, the correct answer would appear as the first thought. This thought was then to be communicated to the analyst without a question of its validity. Freud thought that this method was invaluable, except when there was no association or when the resistance was too strong. Further analysis proved necessary before the association could be revealed. One could discriminate between these two possibilities by noticing the patient's facial expressions.
Then came free association which is still used today. Here, the associations to ideas are allowed to arise spontaneously without conscious restraint or selective criticism.
All of these methods were developed after hypnotism was discarded in order to help free the patient from the suggestions of the physician.
Although hypnosis was eliminated, the suggestive effects of the transference remained. It is inevitable that the patient falls in love with the therapist. But its suggestive consequences are overcome by explaining to the patient the nature of the love transference, and how it contains all the infantile desires. Therefore, the task of analysis has become that of making the transference conscious. Now, instead of the patient reproducing the transference in action, he recollects it in memory. With this development, therapy was realized with a minimum of suggestion.
As another development to the study of the mind, it was found that the experiences related by the patient in hypnosis or in free association proved to be fantasies. In other words, these aberrative experiences which the patient thought were responsible for the outbreak of neurosis were really only fantasies which had very little relevance to anything the patient had ever experienced in reality.
These fantasies are known as the primal scenes. Among these stories, which occur continually in the neurotic's imagination, are the observation of parental intercourse or seduction by an adult. Commenting on this phenomenon, Freud wrote in Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis:
All this seems to lead to but one impression, that childhood experiences of this kind are in some way necessarily required by the neurosis, that they belong to its unvarying inventory. If they can be found in real events, well and good; but if reality had not supplied them they will be evolved out of hints and elaborated by phantasy. The effect is the same, and even today we have not succeeded in tracing any variation in the results according as phantasy or reality plays the greater part in these experiences. Here again is one of those complemental series so often referred to: it is certainly the strangest of all those we have so far encountered. Whence comes the necessity for these phantasies and the material for them? There can be no doubt about the instinctual sources; but how is it to be explained that the same phantasies are always formed with the same content? I have an answer to this which I know will seem to you daring. I believe that these primal phantasies are a phylogenic possession. In them the individual ... stretches out ... to the experiences of past ages.
In other words, these phantasies possess a psychical reality in contrast to material reality, but in the world of neurosis "psychical reality is the determining factor." As with dreams, these phantasies were found to revolve around the fulfillment of wishes.
These wishes portray a past that has long been forgotten, a past that existed when our parents were the most important and necessary beings in our lives. At this time we depended upon them for sustenance and shelter, and without them, or someone like them to fulfill these objectives, we would have surely succumbed to the forces of nature.
These primal phantasies were found to reinstate that period of helplessness in our lives, and they exhibited a content similar to the play Oedipus by Sophocles.
Oedipus, son of Laius, King of Thebes, and his queen Jocasta, was to have died as an infant because an oracle had warned Laius that his son would murder him. Oedipus was rescued and grew up with alien royalty. Oedipus soon doubted his origin and consulted an oracle. He was warned to avoid his home for he was destined to murder his father and marry his mother. In fear, he left the court where he grew up and, on the road, he met King Laius and killed him. He next came to Thebes and, after solving the riddle of the Sphinx, was made king by the Thebans out of gratitude. He married Jocasta, their queen, who in fact was his real mother. After she bore him two sons and two daughters, a plague broke out. The Thebans consulted the oracle and brought back the message that the plague would cease when Laius's murderer was driven from Thebes.
The god commands us to expel from the land of Thebes. An old defilement we are sheltering. It is a deathly thing, beyond cure.
(Oedipus, Sophocles)
The progress of the play now reveals how the oracle was fulfilled and how Oedipus, in guilt and appalled by the grossness of his act, blinds himself.
His fate may just as well have been ours, because it is the impulse in all of us to direct our first sexual impulses to our mother and our first hatred towards our father. Our dreams, which repeat our first childhood conflicts, prove this to us. Jocasta, warning Oedipus not to concern himself with such matters, says,
Why should anyone in this world be afraid, Since Fate rules us and nothing can before seen? A man should live only for the present day. Have no more fear of sleeping with your mother! How many men in dreams, have lain with their mother! No reasonable man is troubled with such things.
(Oedipus, Sophocles)
Like Oedipus, we live in ignorance of the wishes which most stir our souls. Those wishes which are most repugnant to morality and, consequently, give rise to the strongest guilt, have been forced upon each of us by our very nature.
Here in this land ... search reveals Things that escape an inattentive man.
(Oedipus, Sophocles)
Another tragic drama, Shakespeare's Hamlet, has its roots in the same soil as the Oedipus legend. Hamlet accepts the challenge offered by his father's ghost to seek revenge on his uncle, who killed his father and married his mother. The play is built upon Hamlet's hesitations over fulfilling this task. Why was Hamlet so incapable of taking this action? We see him on two occasions taking human life. First, in an outburst of temper, he runs his sword through Polonius, eavesdropping behind a curtain, and second, with premeditation, he sends two courtiers to the death they had been planning for him. Hamlet is able to do anything except take revenge on the man who did away with his father and took that father's place with his mother-the man who realized the repressed wishes of Hamlet's own childhood. Thus, the loathing which should drive him to revenge is replaced by self-reproaches and by scruples of conscience, reminding him that he is no better than the sinner he is to punish.
Freud found that these primal scenes exhibited a psychical structure similar to the structure of the greatest literature of Western man. It is this triangle of events depicted in the above examples which constitutes the Oedipus complex. The female counterpart to the Oedipus situation is called the Elektra complex.
It should be understood that, in both components of the Oedipus complex, male and female, the first love object is the mother. By renouncing the mother for the father, the girl enters into the situation. With the boy, the mother is retained as a prototype for all future lovers.
From both of these examples we see that there are two aspects of the Oedipus complex: the yearning to return to the mother and the guilt felt because of this desire. Oedipus's blinding and Hamlet's scruples of conscience are both manifestations of this guilt.
From where does this guilt arise? Freud provides us with an answer in The Ego and the Id:
At a very early age, the little boy develops an object-cathexis for his mother, which originally related to the mother's breast and is the prototype of an object-choice on the anaclitic model; the boy deals with his father by identifying himself with him. For a while these two relationships proceed side by side, until the boy's sexual wishes in regard to his mother become more intense and his father is perceived as an obstacle; from this the Oedipus complex arises.
It is the identification with the father which produced the inhibition, barring the way back to the mother. And the more we yearn for this transgression, the more guilt we have to deal with. It is precisely this guilt which produces the symptoms which constitute the neurosis. Thus, it is our yearning to return to the mother (incest) and the guilt over this wish (castration complex) which produces the conflict upon which the neurosis is constructed. It is the negative side of the Oedipus complex which causes the terror, transforming the wish for incest into its opposite-the horror of incest.
There are a number of experiences in a boy's life which prepare him to identify the loss of the most valuable part of his anatomy, namely his penis, with the inhibition against incest. Possibly, the child's attendant will threatens him with castration because of masturbation activities. Or the loss of his mother's breast which he initially considered part of his own body. Or, the daily demand to part with the contents of his bowels. But this still does not break down his resistance; he is still unwilling to believe in the possibility of castration. The perception which finally breaks this resistance down is initiated as the observation of a being so similar to himself, possibly his sister, who does not possess a penis at all. The perception of this, coupled with the belief that the penis plays a part in sexual relations-which he may not have firsthand knowledge of but nevertheless evidences by the feelings in this organ-causes him to fear castration as a punishment for incest. As a result, his ego turns away from the oedipal strivings. Originally, this threat of castration came from the external environment, but once the father is identified with, his prohibitions become part of a boy's mental makeup. The terror associated with incest and castration has then become internalized. This internalization of dread has positive results, since it leads into exogamous relations.
In the following five chapters, we will be tracing the development and ramifications of the Oedipus complex as it appears in the life of the neurotic and deviant individuals.
For this study, one point should be kept in mind: the word complex denotes unconsciousness. The Oedipus complex is an unconscious situation, since it was repressed because of its incompatibility with the conscious mind. Just because we are unaware of it, however, does not mean that the unconscious mind does not affect our lives.
Anal-erotics are those individuals who have renounced the union of the genitals and who replace the genitals of their sexual partners with the anal region of the body. Doing this, they disregard the lack of suitable organic arrangements as well as any impediment offered by feelings of disgust. We find from them that the excretory functions, which are regarded as improper because of toilet training, retain the ability to attract the whole of their sexual interest.
Whenever we confront a sexual aberration of this nature, investigation almost always reveals some experience in the nature of a fixation in childhood. Originally, the child's attitude to his anal canal is associated with the pleasurable feelings it yields him. In fact, to the excreta itself, he feels no disgust; they are his first gift to the people he esteems, until he is forced by his upbringing to exchange these pleasures for social respectability.
But what is it that causes this fixation to the pleasures of childhood which leads to the abandonment of the reproductive function? The answer is always concerned with the way in which the Oedipus complex is resolved.
CHAPTER ONE: Susan - United States
"I'm twenty-three and a teacher at a private girls' school in Los Angeles. You would expect me to have a nice quiet house with a husband and a garden and lots of books on my coffee table. Well, I don't. I have an apartment, and I don't have a husband. But I do have a lot of male visitors who don't get past the door with their pants on. There is a garden out back, where I sometimes sit in my bikini and spread my legs so my pussy hair shows-it drives the guys in the little office building next door absolutely wild! And I have books on the coffee table, mostly picture books of anal intercourse. I dig looking at pictures of big fat cocks sliding up a girl's asshole.
"I also like to get out of Los Angeles for a weekend trip to Las Vegas. The whole atmosphere of Vegas turns me on-the lights, the money, the crazy night people. It's there I find my best tricks, where I can let loose, let my hair down.
"But I usually have a problem when I let my hair down. Christ, even when a guy comes to my place in L.A. you would think he'd take the hint by looking at the damn picture books on the coffee table! I like getting fucked in my ass. It's as simple as that. And most guys-although not all, thank God!-don't seem to dig it. I think they're basically afraid of it, because after the first time-if they get into it or get pushed into it-they always come back for more.
"I couldn't go through with a normal fuck. It just doesn't work for me! I've got a beautiful body-firm breasts, hard nipples, a nice hairy pussy-but my ass is the best thing about me. It's soft and smooth and shapely, and the opening is lined with soft hair, like the soft down of a feather, and it holds and caresses a cock like no cunt ever could.
"What I started to say before I got turned on about myself was that it happens time and time again. I meet a nice guy-hell, maybe a beautiful guy-with a cock halfway down to his knees, and we have some drinks on the Strip and see a show and then back to the hotel for a good fuck. Only he wants to stick it in my cunt, and I want him to stick it up my rear.
"The minute I see a cock aimed at my cunt I shiver and go cold. I tried, believe me, I tried, I can't take a cock up my cunt-I don't know why-but I can't. I can lick them and suck them till they come. I can caress them with my hands, my hair, my feet even, but I can't take a cock up my pussy. I'd really like it that way, you know? I'd love to turn on to a good cunt-fuck. I'd love to like it because it would make my guy happy. But at the last minute I get really scared and I freak out. I seem to become the stereotype-the uptight schoolteacher who doesn't put out for anyone.
"But have a guy put his finger up my asshole, I go bananas! I'm like a wild woman. The sensations, the thoughts, the experience of the whole thing sends me into ecstasy. And then a cock up there-the bigger the better-and I'm completely done for. One good ass-fuck in Las Vegas gets me through three weeks of teaching those little monsters. But most men don't like to do it, at least men in this country don't. I've heard Frenchmen fuck their girls in the ass all the time. The mere thought of it leaves me very frustrated.
"I'm super frustrated right now because of Paul. He's a super friend and I like him a hell of a lot. I saw him at this nude stage show in Hollywood and happened-actually I planned it-to bump into him afterwards. He told me the show was going to Vegas in a few weeks, and I remembered it. I also remembered his fantastic body and the size of that thing between his legs. And I met him again in Vegas. Of course.
"I saw the show and was incredibly turned on by him, even more than the first time. He knew I was out there. I had sent him a note backstage, and he spied me in the second row and winked at me just before it came to his turn to take his clothes off. Because of laws in Vegas, they couldn't do the show totally nude, so he stripped down to a see-through pair of shorts. That hunk of meat looked even more tempting behind the flimsy covering. He thrust his hips in the air at the front of the stage and I closed my eyes and pretended he was standing behind me, shoving it deep in my ass.
"He had a near hard on by the time the curtain fell and when I met him backstage I looked down and saw the outline of his cock in his tight white pants. I told him he was great and he kissed me-a nice, juicy, meaningful kiss. I felt his cock press against my leg and his hand came up and tweaked my right nipple through my dress. We went for drinks and it was hard to keep our hands off of each other.
"I really like you, Susan," he said, holding my hand. His eyes were huge and dark ... captivating. I was really going into orbit-with the wine and my sexual passion and his beautiful body.
"I'm surprised you're not a homosexual," I told him.
"Why?"
"Because you're so beautiful. And you're an actor. You know what they say ... "
"He winked playfully. "Don't believe everything you hear-but you're close-you found one of the few straights."
"I smiled and moved my hand away. I looked at him and a thought came to me. He was so handsome and I felt so at ease, I thought if there were anyone who could help me get over my aversion to cunt fucking, it would be him. With a cock like his, I wanted to take it anywhere he wanted to put it.
"You see, despite my love for anal sex, I never have given up my desire to conquer my fear of vaginal sex. I used to masturbate while dreaming of a guy sticking his cock in my pussy, and I've dreamed about it in my sleep. But when it comes to the real thing-freeze-up time! That's why I thought Paul would be able to help me.
"In my room at the hotel-I stay in a different one each trip, and usually find a guy to pay for it-we hugged and kissed for a few minutes until we couldn't stand it any longer. We had to take off our clothes. Paul reached down and pulled my skirt up to my waist and rubbed my cunt lips through my panty hose. I was moist and he felt it, and it sent him into orbit.
"Susan, I'm gonna fuck you like you've never been fucked before!" he said passionately.
"Paul, Paul," I managed to say, but I thought to myself, you sure are, honey! See? Always in my mind-even when I'm hoping for a good cunt-fuck, I'm thinking about anal intercourse!
"Paul pulled his shirt over his head and threw it on the floor. His chest was hairless but muscular. I lay my head against it and licked his hard nipple. He rubbed his hand over my hair and I heard his zipper sliding down as his other hand was getting rid of his pants. I kissed him as he tugged on his pants with both hands and in a second, when the pants slid down over his buttocks, I felt his monster cock spring out between us and push against me. I couldn't stand it. I had to have it in my mouth.
"I knelt down in front of him and stared at it. It was long and extremely thick. The head was very dark and absolutely huge-the crown on top of the tower-and beneath, his balls hung low in their hairy sac. I placed my hands on his thighs as he stood still in front of me. He grasped his long cock in both hands and pulled it down, holding it directly in front of my lips.
"I smiled at it, looking directly into the slit in the tip, and then I opened my lips and took it. I clamped them down around the underside of the head and let the warmth of my wet mouth do a number on the tip. Paul moaned and clenched his fists. So far so good.
"I sucked hard with my cheeks and took another inch. Again, he moaned and moved a little. Then I let my fingers crawl up his legs until they brushed his beautiful hairy balls and that really did him in. He pulled out of my mouth and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Come here baby, and do me good!" he said, as he flopped back. I knelt between his outstretched legs and pulled the pants from his feet. His cock stood up in the air. His arms were outstretched on the mattress, and his eyes were closed. I wanted to give him a good blow job ... I knew I would.
"I started licking the inside of his thighs. Then I moved my head so that my nose touched his balls. They contracted with the excitement until I took them into my mouth and sucked them gently. The warmth made them expand again and soon they rolled around in my mouth freely and easily. Paul brought his hands down and lifted his cock in the air and I knew he was dying to have me suck it.
"I dropped my head and his balls fell from my lips and hung between his outstretched legs. Then I went down on his enormous organ. I took as much of it into my mouth as I could-it was halfway down my throat-and worked up and down the shaft, expertly. I sucked and licked and caressed with my tongue, as I ran my hands over his balls and gently probed down into his hairy asshole.
"I guess I'm fascinated with the anal area on any person, because I like to finger-fuck guys while I'm blowing them. But I always meet opposition. If they would be cool about it and relax, then they'd find out how great it can be. They'll say they don't dig it but they haven't tried it! And once they try it, they beg for more. Man, everyone's so fucked-up about assholes!
"Anyway, I almost made Paul come. His balls tightened and his breathing almost stopped. I felt it happening and knew he stopped it at the last minute. He pulled my head from his huge cock and held me still.
"Susan, don't move! I'm gonna come." He was really worried. I wouldn't have minded drinking his hot cum. It would have excited me and made me want more in my asshole. But Paul wanted to save it. Then I thought about it in my pussy and I told myself I wanted it there.
"I stood up and took off my clothes as he watched, fascinated. He was fully recovered-he wasn't on the verge of orgasm any longer-and he played with his huge dick as I stripped in front of him, doing a kind of striptease, getting him excited.
"How do I look?" I asked coyly.
"Incredible!" he replied, sitting up. He was staring directly at my cunt. I saw his lips part and his tongue licked them. I knew he wanted to eat me and I moved my hands down and pulled the lips apart and then let them come back together again. The sight of my pink flesh inside the thick hair was all he needed.
"I want to suck your pussy, Susan," Paul said as he fell to his knees in front of me. "I want to suck your pretty pussy till you flood my face with your hot cunt juice!"
"I could see talking turned him on. "Lay down on the floor and let my cunt sit on your face," I told him. He obeyed and lay flat on the floor, his cock standing up between his legs. He put his arms back and I stood above him. Then I felt his hands take hold of my ankles. He looked up to see my dark crotch hovering above him and I started to descend, moving my cunt lips closer and closer to his open mouth and hungry eyes.
"I was very hot. I felt the flesh of my breasts harden like rock. My nipples stood erect, like his cock. My head was spinning as I looked down to see his face hungrily awaiting its meal. And I wanted to give it to him, everything he wanted. Because then he would give me what I wanted.
"You've got the most beautiful cunt I've ever seen," he said as my pussy neared his face. Then the hair touched his outstretched tongue and he couldn't say another word. My cunt was at his lips and his tongue was finding its way up into me.
"I lowered my body to his head and my cunt plastered itself over his lips. His tongue slid into me and I watched his eyes desperately gazing up at my breasts. He lifted his arms and took hold of my nipples as he began to suck on my clitoris. He certainly knew what he was doing.
"I grabbed his head and ran my fingers through his hair as I knelt there, moving my pelvis over his face. He nibbled on my cunt lips and bit them a little, then he slid his tongue over my clit and sucked it till chills ran up and down my spine. His fingers moved from my nipples to my buttocks and he spread my ass cheeks and rubbed against the nub of my asshole. I went electric, crazy! The sensation drove me insane and I cried out for more.
"He rubbed his fingers up and down the crack of my ass as he ate my hard clitoris. I was hotter than hell. I pulled up and looked at his face. It was wet with his saliva and my cunt juices. He smiled.
"Sit in the chair," he ordered, pointing to the chair near the bed. I stood up and placed my hand on my pussy, feeling the wetness there. I liked how he was sucking on me and figured it would help me get ready for his cock. I sat in the chair and spread my legs. He followed me and knelt between them. He held his enormous cock in one hand and fingered my cunt with the other. In a minute I was begging for his tongue again, and he brought his face between my thighs. I threw both legs over Paul's shoulders and hooked them around his neck. I pulled his face against my open cunt. He was trapped, and he loved it. It was at that moment I knew I really liked this guy. I felt there were possibilities with him, a future. He looked so beautiful, so loving there between my legs. I didn't want to lose him.
"Hi, beautiful baby!" he said, smiling. He was talking to my cunt! Honestly, he looked at it and licked it and talked to it. "All set for a nice big kiss from Paul? Then Paul's big prick?"
"I sighed and pulled his head to me. His tongue slid up my pussy and didn't miss an inch of it. I was in hysterics-my clit was trembling and I felt the fluids rushing down my channel, over his lips and down his neck. I saw him ram his body against the chair, and I knew he was sliding his long cock up and down against the material. His eyes darted up to my face every now and then. I felt as if I were in total control, and I knew I was just about ready to come. I wanted to climax, wanted it very badly. I wanted to give him what he wanted-my pussy juice, my moment of ecstasy-so he would give me a good shot up my ass. I longed for the feeling of his beautiful hard cock spurting loads of white semen up my asshole. It had to come true! I was losing the thoughts of a cunt-fuck rapidly.
"I was ready to explode. I knew I was coming-there was no stopping it now. I squealed and thrust my cunt as far forward as I could and unlocked my legs. I felt the first rush of excitement through my body-that almost-faint feeling-and then I knew the gush was coming. I closed my eyes and all of a sudden something happened, something I'll never forget ... Just as I was hitting the top moment of my climax, Paul lifted my legs high into the air and slid his mouth away from my cunt lips and down to my asshole!
"He sucked on my asshole and shoved his tongue up it just as I came! I screamed and trembled, and he must have thought an earthquake had hit. It was the most incredible orgasm of my entire life, bar none. That moment of tongue-meeting-anus really did me in. It was emotional as well as physical. I really liked this guy and it seemed so right that he did what he did-sucking my asshole when he didn't even know, that's what I wanted and preferred.
"After the climax was over, I relaxed in the chair and Paul sat on the floor, still licking my womanly fluids from his lips, playing with his stiff cock. There was a smile on his face like none I had ever seen. I knew there was more to come ...
"We rolled around on the bed for a while, kissing and hugging. We were both incredibly turned on but every time his cock came into contact with my pussy I shuddered, although I did my best to conceal my terror from Paul. He cared about me-maybe he could even love me someday-and I didn't want to mess things up.
"Finally, as he moved his cock between my legs, I knew I had to say something. "How'd you like to put it up my ass?" I asked, over his shoulder. I felt something go through him and then he pulled away. He looked at me as if I were nuts and then he laughed, and I imagine he thought I was kidding.
"Spread your legs, baby, and put this pillow under your ass," he said. I thought maybe he was going to try it, and so I obeyed. My cunt was in the air, but when I spread my legs and lifted them, my anus was ready too. I loved to be fucked in the ass like that, with my legs up, being able to kiss him and have him suck on my breasts. But he put his cock against my cunt and started to work it in. I freaked.
"I wanted to do it, I really did. But the fear was just too much and I moved away and started to cry. Paul couldn't understand what was wrong and I told him I couldn't do it like that. I was afraid he'd call me a freak, but I was being silly. He cared about me and he seemed to understand. He didn't ask questions or pry into my past. He told me very honestly that he hadn't ever fucked a girl in the ass. That really surprised me because I thought people in show business were so jaded. He said he was afraid he'd hurt me with his big cock. I tried to assure him it would be wonderful, for both of us, and I started talking him into it.
"I spread my beautiful ass cheeks for him and let him nibble there. I spread them as far as I could so some of the pinkness of the opening of my anus was exposed, and he experimented with his finger, sliding just the tip in and out. He was getting to like it, and at the same time I stroked his cock, which kept him excited.
"I asked him if he liked getting finger-fucked and he said that he did, so I told him I would like the same thing. We were in a sixty-nine position and I felt his finger slide up me after he applied saliva to my asshole. The feeling was out of this world and I took his cock into my mouth at the same time. He fucked me with his finger, in long, beautiful strokes, as he stared in fascination at my opening and closing asshole. My pussy opened before him also and he ran his other fingers over my cunt lips. I felt his cock swell in my mouth and tickle the back of my throat.
"Then I pulled away and told him to put two fingers up my ass, and after some hesitation he did, while I sucked and nibbled on the tip of his giant dick. He was getting to like it, I could tell, and on his own he inserted a third finger, which felt like a cock was going into me. I could feel the probing deep in my rectum and the lips of my anus held tightly to his fingers. I squirmed on the bed and knew it was almost time to switch places and get his enormous prick up there. I was dying for it and I knew now that he wouldn't balk at giving it to me.
"And then, in one easy second, it was all destroyed. Suddenly, without warning, my mouth was filled with one of the biggest loads of cum I've ever swallowed. He shouted and shoved his fingers up my asshole as far as they would go. His cock head hit the back of my throat as it gushed in spasms and I swallowed and choked on his heavy load. It surprised him, too. He was so fascinated, so deep into watching his fingers fuck my asshole, that he lost control and let go. He told me later it was one of the best orgasms of his life, but that didn't make up for the loss I felt.
"And what I feared came to be. He sat up when it was over and told me he was really planning on fucking me in the ass, but now that he had shot off he couldn't get it up again, which I knew really wasn't true. He would do it the next time.
"I wondered if there would be a next time with him knowing he wasn't going to get a cunt-fuck out of me. I knew damn well he could have gotten it up again for my pussy, but the feelings of skepticism he had had when I first mentioned the subject were back and I knew the night was lost.
"I sucked his cock some more till all the cum was out of it and then he let it rest in my lips till it had softened. He played with my cunt and my asshole, but he never let himself get excited again. He was scared and a little freaked by the whole thing.
"When he left, I felt terribly depressed and terribly inadequate. I didn't want to be the way I was, but there wasn't anything I could do about it! I wanted it so bad, I needed it so badly, and his massive cock would have been perfect.
"I got my rubber dildo out of my suitcase and loaded it with cream, and then slid it into my rectum as I fingered my clit. I fucked myself like that-as I had many times in the past-crying and feeling awful, and yet growing very excited. I came, finally, and let the fake cock slip out of my ass. But I couldn't stop crying. Why am I like this? Why?
"And why couldn't I find someone who understands?"
Susan is obviously a person for whom the act of sex must remain somewhat removed from the idea of love. Removed in the sense that she is completely preoccupied with her own pleasure, not the pleasure of her partner.
In psychological terminology we classify this type of individual, insofar as it is possible to classify on the basis of such scant data, as a narcissist. Such person is an individual whose ego has not developed to the stage of object love, thus the sexual object for this female is herself. Despite this obvious disadvantage, Susan seems able to fascinate Paul. In this connection, it is of interest to our investigation to mention the thoughts of Sigmund Freud:
It seems very evident that one person's narcissism has a great attraction for those others who have renounced part of their own narcissism and are seeking after object love; the charm of a child lies to a great extent in his narcissism, his self-sufficiency and inaccessibility, just as does the charm of certain animals which seem not to concern themselves about us, such as cats and large beasts of prey.
Narcissism as a stage of development of the ego lies between what Freud designated auto-eroticism and object-love. Autoeroticism connotes pleasure derived from one's own body. But in this early phase of development the ego is almost nonexistent, and the child is at the mercy of his organic demands. In its later development the ego splits itself from the id (the reservoir of instinctual impulses), and directs this flow of libido toward objects of the external world. Prior to this cathexis of object-libido the ego passes through a stage of primary narcissism, whereupon the ego cathects itself with libido. This stage of ego development is necessary for the maturation of the normal personality. If not for this stage of maturation, the individual would be completely subservient to the demands of the external world. Thus, primary narcissism is a necessary development of the human psychological organization.
The type of narcissism from which Susan is suffering is what Freud termed secondary narcissism. In this occurrence, the individual withdraws her libido from the interests of the object world and reinvests it in herself. Secondary narcissism also has a definite purpose and cannot be viewed as pathological, for this is the way the normal individual gives up love objects, sometimes necessary in the course of human life. But when this libido becomes dammed up and is unable to reinvest itself in the object world, then we have a pathological condition known as the narcissistic neurosis.
We invariably find that narcissism is bound up with sexual deviations, especially those involved with the oral and anal orifices of the anatomy. Freud commented in Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality that a perversion is the opposite of a neurosis. By this he meant that in a perversion (deviation) the inhibitive forces of the psychical organization are in some form underdeveloped or rudimentarily constituted. The causes for this disturbance are always the result of a failure to form a positive identification with one's parents or the social milieu.
It is obvious that Freud had in mind the placing of the sexual function primarily in the service of the procreation of mankind. Today, with the increasing danger of overpopulation, it begins to appear that this Victorian concept of sexuality is outdated. But if we study the matter more closely, we find that civilization is taking us in the direction of a state of affairs which would have been regarded in Freud's time as neurotic, actually narcissistic neurotic. The cause of this neurosis is not that the sexual function is unaligned with the reproductive one, but that it is unaligned with the affectionate.
Susan is obviously an anal-erotic who derives pleasure from feelings related to the childhood feelings of retention, expulsion, or the obversion of feces. Susan's libido or pleasure drive is arrested, or fixated, in this phase of psychosexual development. The child who is fixated at the expulsion level of the anal impulses is most likely to develop the characteristics of ambitiousness and conceit, which are attributed to feelings generated by a successful elimination.
Karl Abraham, a follower of Freud, divided the anal level of maturation into two phases. The earlier one he designated as the expulsion tendency; the later phase as the retentive. Susan is obviously of the latter type. In her efforts to achieve an orgasm, she is tending toward the keeping and manipulating of Paul, much the same as she found pleasure in retaining her feces as a young girl. First of all, she is fixated at the anal-erotic stage. She also has regressed to the narcissistic phase of ego development. Not only does she display these characteristics in relation to Paul, her love object, but one may safely assume that she is concerned with nobody but herself in all of her involvements, sexual or otherwise.
Are there reasons for these two types of regressive development? Would it issue from what psychoanalysts call the narcissistic wound of the phallic phase of development, or what is more often known as penis envy?
The answers to these questions will be found in the development and subsequent analysis of all the female cases outlined in this work. For purposes of clarification, it is best if we begin with a history of the development of the female.
It is obvious that anatomically the female finds adaptation to the world more difficult than does the male. She must undergo, as she matures, a fundamental change in her choice of a love object, because the mother is the first recipient of an object cathexis. The male child retains the mother as the protype for all later object-loves. The female must sublimate this drive and transfer it to the father in the course of her maturation.
This is usually accomplished when she progresses to the phallic phase of development. Until this phase there is very little difference between the little boy and the little girl. But at about the age of four, depending upon external factors, she perceives the anatomical disillusion between the sexes, a factor which she does not take lightly.
The subsequent manifestations are twofold. First, as Freud remarked, "the girl holds her mother responsible for her lack of a penis, and never forgives her for that deficiency." From this depreciation, she transfers her libido to her father and seeks a child from him. This development in her life is known as the female castration complex and by its activation she enters into the Oedipus situation.
Secondly, as a result of her anatomical distinctions, a suitable organ for the discharge of aggressions is lacking. The clitoris does not and cannot serve the purpose; it is basically an inward organ. To clarify, the male child, by virtue of his penis, possesses an organ which is by its physical shape designed for the exploration and conquering of the world. Both his psychologic and anatomical forces are directed toward the outer world. A man, by his nature, is a forcer of situations; a woman is the receptor. The female does not possess an organ for the discharge of aggressions. She is the victim of her anatomical characteristics. As a result, she is forced-at this period of genital trauma-to turn her aggressions inward. This inward turning gives woman her uniquely passive-masochistic character, as opposed to the male's sadistic-aggressive drive.
In Susan we see the attempt to deny this genital trauma, and as a result she sacrifices her most unique feminine attributes: her passivity and her desire to have a child. In other words, she forfeits her ability to give herself wholly to a man, and her ability to carry out a sexual function which will result in a child.
In this highly narcissistic case, we perceive nothing characteristic of only the American woman, but of an aberrative individual whose deficiencies are found around the world.
"I thought I had lost Paul for sure, so you can imagine my surprise when he knocked on my door the next afternoon. I had been to downtown Las Vegas in the morning, and was just about to take a shower when he turned up. I held a towel to my body and asked who it was.
"Paul! I want to see you," he called from the hall. I quickly opened the door and he walked m. He was dressed in shorts and a T-shirt and carried a tennis racket in his hand. "I've been playing some tennis, but I got horny "cause I was thinking of you. And I have rehearsal in an hour."
"I didn't know what to do or say. Still holding the towel in front of me, I kissed him on the lips. But I was trembling because I thought we would go through the whole number again, and I wasn't ready for that.
"He pulled the towel aside and fingered the hair on my pussy. I stepped back and turned around so he could look at my ass. Paul didn't move. I asked him if he liked my ass.
"It's beautiful," he said calmly.
"Well," I said, "I can only get turned on by a good fuck in my ass. I like you too much, Paul, and I'm going to be too hurt if I do anything with you again that doesn't include anal intercourse. If you want this, it's all yours." I patted my smooth ass cheeks and turned back to face him. "If not, then you had better leave."
"He dropped his racket to the bed and opened his shorts. He dropped them to the floor and stood in his white underwear. Then he bent down and undid his shoelaces and took off his shoes and white socks. Standing up again, he removed his jockey shorts and his half-hard cock jumped out. Now, he stood there, naked except for his T-shirt. He looked very sexy that way.
"I really want to try, Susan. I've been hot all night thinking about it. I've gotta see what it's like." He took hold of his penis and stroked it. The head grew thick and rounded in his hand and soon it was as hard as it had been the night before. I reached around my buttocks and pushed my fingers against my anus. I was ready, too, more ready than I ever could be!
"How do we do it? What position?" Paul asked, like a little boy getting his instructions from his first experienced lady. The whole situation turned me on-this beautiful hunk of virgin with, his enormous dick. I couldn't wait to feel its action up there, spurting, burning.
"Let's do it dog-style. That way you can watch your cock going in," I said, feeling like an expert. I had to be the one to lead this new experience for him, and I kind of liked the feeling. I was a good teacher-of little girls in Los Angeles, and of big boys in Las Vegas who had the potential of becoming great ass fuckers!
"I knelt on the floor and spread my legs. Then I leaned my weight against my arms and stayed like that on all fours as Paul knelt behind me, I felt his hands move over my ass cheeks and I shuddered in anticipation.
"Won't it hurt?" he asked.
"Kiss it, make it nice and slippery," I told him. Immediately his head was buried between my buttocks. I felt his tongue lick my anus over and over, each time applying saliva. It ran down over my cunt. I reached back with one hand and lightly fingered my pussy, while his lips hungrily sucked on my asshole. I was ready for it now and I told him to get into position.
"I'm ready, Susan. I'm gonna fuck your ass!" Paul said, excited. He held his cock in his hands and centered the head on the opening. My asshole parted as he pushed forward. The tip slipped in and the head of his cock was locked there, surrounded and held captive by the tight walls of my asshole. I felt as if I were being spread apart-his cock certainly was the biggest I had ever had in there-and I loved every wonderful sensation of it slipping into me.
"Oh Susan, wow!" Paul whispered as he saw the tip of his cock disappear into my hole. He pushed forward slightly and another inch slid into me. He couldn't believe it, and he shook and trembled in excitement. I felt his cock grow larger within me and I begged him to put it all in.
"Susan, does it hurt?"
"Yes, but I love it. Please, Paul, fuck my asshole, burn my asshole with your big dick!"
"I was wild now, insane with passion. I pushed back, forcing his cock up me-all of it!-till his pubic hair mashed against my buttocks. I squealed and bolted upright. It felt as if my head was going to pop off my body! He grabbed my tits and held them tight, as his cock adjusted to the tight, hot channel it was now invading. He was breathing hard, in spasms, and I felt chills up my spine each time he let out his breath onto my shoulder.
"Paul pulled out slowly, looking down to see what was happening, and then pushed back in, equally as slowly. It was new for him, different, and very wonderful. I could tell he was in another world, especially when he started to increase his rhythm and began really fucking me like a dog. He was a superstud of a man and his cock knew what it was doing. I bent forward again, placing my head on the floor, so my ass was open and spread before him. And as he lunged forward again, his balls slapped my pussy and sent even more sensations of pleasure through my body. I was being satisfied like I had never been satisfied before. I could hardly believe it was happening. It was so fast and so furious and so unexpected.
"Fuck me hard, hard!" I shouted.
"Oh, baby, I'm gonna come in your ass! I'm gonna fill your ass till you explode!"
"Yes, please, Paul, come ... fill me with your hot cum! Put it in my asshole!"
"He began to pound his body against mine. My cunt juices were flowing and I was experiencing a constant orgasm. I spread my legs and met his every stroke. He had his hands on my buttocks, bracing himself, watching his huge prick invading me. I knew he had to be close. I wasn't going to be able to take it much longer in that position.
"Paul!" I shouted, waiting for it.
"Now, now, baby ... here I come!" and all at once the most incredible load of semen burst from the tip of his cock and filled me. He rammed into my ass for the last time and, as we fell to the floor, I felt the spasms of his swollen cock rocking inside me. His semen ran down the length of his cock, along my channel, and dribbled out. Then it dripped to my cunt and rested against his balls. He moaned and clawed at my shoulders and began kissing my hair and neck. He was in heaven and we both wished it would last forever. I wouldn't let him take it out-I wouldn't let him move-until it had softened within me.
"Finally, when it did, it slipped out by itself, with a popping sound. Paul rolled over and lay next to me on the floor, panting. His cock was wet with cum and he rubbed it with his hand. I turned and looked at it-it was still so very large-and thought to myself, I can't believe I was fucked by that big beautiful cock!
"I started to get up, but Paul stopped me. He was getting another erection and I wondered what he wanted to do. I immediately was afraid he wanted to fuck me in the cunt. But he didn't.
"Do what you did last night, only put your ass on my mouth. I want to suck my cum out of you."
"I looked at him in shock. I couldn't believe he had said it, but I guess his first experience with anal intercourse had freed him. I was excited again--I could feel the huge load of hot cum inside my rectum and the thought of giving it back to him was very exciting.
"I got up on my feet and lowered my ass to his face. Only this time I was facing his cock, and I knelt on either side of his shoulders. As soon as his tongue touched my anus, I saw his cock grow in his hand and I reached down and began to rub the tip, and then his balls. He was masturbating himself expertly, and I knew he would come faster if he did it himself. I was giving him the stimulation he needed with my ass plastered against his face.
"I watched his cock go up and down as I heard him moan and felt him moving his mouth and tongue under my spread buttocks. My pussy was against his chin and that added to his delight. My anal muscles were now loose from his big cock, and his tongue slid easily up the channel. His semen was sliding out of me and coating his throat! It was something that I had never done before, not really thought about. It was a marvelous turn-on, for both of us, and as drop after drop of warm cum fell into his mouth from my asshole, his cock trembled and shook under his manipulations until I knew he was ready to shoot.
"He groaned and gave one last tremendous suck on my anus, and then I saw his hand go still. His cock was pointed toward my face and I was hit with a gob of thick cream, and I opened my mouth, hoping that another would fly right in. Cum hit me on my forehead and my nose and cheek, but not on my lips. So I bent my head down and licked the gobs off of his belly, and then finally took the end of his penis into my lips and tasted the last of his load. I pulled my ass away from his face and he licked my cunt as I locked my legs around his head and sucked on his prick. We stayed like that, in that sixty-nine position, till we could barely breathe. I sat up and looked at Paul. He smiled a smile I'll never forget just as I'll never forget that fuck on the floor.
"He had to rush off to rehearsal, and he said he would have trouble doing the show because his cock actually hurt! But he came back that night for more, and we did it in all positions-standing, sitting, lying down. He came in my ass a total of five times and we slept almost the entire next day. It was too good to believe and never once in that whole time did he attempt to fuck me any other way.
"But a week later, when we were both drunk after meeting again in Vegas-it had been a difficult week of teaching, you can understand-we went back to his room and started to make love. We were getting to know each other now, and there was a certain closeness developing that was more than just sexual attraction.
"Would you want to try a regular fuck?" Paul asked bluntly, but gently.
"Of course, I immediately said no, and that got us into a talk that did me more good than I had hoped. Paul probed and pried and I started crying. I didn't want to remember anything bad in my life, and I had deliberately forgotten all the terrible incidents of my childhood so that they didn't exist any longer. But he finally got it out of me and I'll tell you right here what I told him. It was and is the clue to why I am what I am, and to what I can do to change that.
"When I was thirteen, I went off swimming with my girl friend, Sally. We lived on a farm and I was used to taking off my clothes and running around nude in the woods and fields. Sally was afraid that, while down at the little lake at the end of our property, someone would run off with her clothing when she was in the water. We had an argument and she got mad and went home. Well, I wasn't ready to go home and I wanted to swim in the sunshine. So I stripped off my clothing and played in the water for about half an hour. When I got out, dripping wet, my towel and clothes were gone.
"At first I thought Sally had come back and was playing a trick on me. But then I noticed something protruding from the bushes next to me and I gasped. A male penis-and I had only seen my brother's until this time-was standing out of the green, erect and long. I stared at it, transfixed, I wanted to touch it. I just reached out and took it in my hand. And, as I did, my hand filled with white liquid.
"I heard a voice muffle a shout and the bushes rattled and moved and I kept my hand there as I felt the penis throb between my fingers. The liquid kept coming and coming, dripping down on the ground, and I felt a rush of pleasure through my young body, especially between my legs. I knew what I was doing was wrong and that I should have run home immediately, but I was glued to the spot, as if the forbidden aspect of the situation was keeping me there, in spite of all my apprehensions.
"A male voice said, "Oh, Jesus!" over and over again. I held on tightly to the organ till it stopped spurting its liquid. I knew what it was-I had watched my brother secretly pulling on his cock in the barn some weeks before and his cock shot just like the one in front of me had-and I felt no sense of fear. I was excited.
"Suddenly there was a noise behind me and I turned to find a tall man, in his twenties, standing there. He was fully dressed and he grabbed me by my shoulders. It was at that moment that I became scared and wanted to run. I grabbed his waist and wiped my wet hand on his shirt. He didn't like that and he ordered the other guy out of the bushes. A naked man stepped out-he was older than the guy in clothing-and smiled at me.
"That was sure something," he muttered. He was holding my underpants in his hand, and often brushing them against his cheek. The other guy then told me to relax and he bent over and gently kissed me on the forehead.
"I did relax, as much as I could. I was fascinated with this-it was my first sexual experience, and I had always been a daring person. I looked up at the man in clothing and asked him what he was going to do.
"I want you to take off my clothes," he said in a nice tone of voice, "so I can be naked like you."
"I opened his shirt and unzipped his pants. Finally I pulled them down around his thighs and was shocked to find he wasn't wearing any underwear. I stared at the huge thing between his legs. It was standing out from his body, pointing in front of him. It was much larger than the one I had held, and I wanted to touch it also and see it pour out its white liquid.
"But he had other ideas. As soon as he was naked, he grabbed me and pulled me against his huge, hard organ. I trembled because he was rough. The other man didn't say a word. He just stood behind me, playing with his hard cock. The big man told me to lay on the grass, so I did.
"Then he started to lick between my legs, lapping my cunt to work himself up, and despite the horror of the situation-or was it mere confusion at that point?-the feel of his tongue against my slit drove shivers of lust through my young body. I shouted and tried to get up, but the other-man held me down, kneeling above my head, letting his hard penis rub against my forehead.
"The guy lapping at my cunt finally stood up and showed me how big his cock was. I couldn't believe it and when he took it in his hand I thought he was going to do what the other man had done-I thought he was going to make it shoot its white liquid. But instead, he knelt between my legs and told me he was going to fuck me. He said it wouldn't hurt.
"I hardly knew what that meant, and I really became afraid. He held my legs down as the other man shouted at me to be still and spread my legs. I was still a virgin and my little cunt had never had anything in it other than my finger. The thought of him ramming that long pole into my body was incomprehensible-I thought I would be killed!
"Please don't, please," I cried as he positioned his big prick between my legs. My shouts did no good-in fact they only made him more anxious and hotter. The men started laughing as he pressed the tip of his swollen cock to my little virgin pussy.
"Just as he started pushing it in me, the other guy grabbed his penis and began working it over my face, so when I yelled he touched the tip to my lips. I screamed in pain as the invading cock tore the outer and inner walls of my cunt and then I felt a gush of hot liquid in my eyes. I remember the hideous laughter, the pain in my eyes, and the terrible sensation of bleeding between my legs. My throat gave out and I could no longer shout. I felt the banging until my entire being could no longer take it and I passed out.
"When I woke, it was almost dark and there were bruises on my face and body. My legs were covered with blood and my eyelids were stuck together with dried semen. I walked in pain down to the lake and washed myself. I remember I couldn't stop crying and I told myself it didn't happen, it just didn't happen.
"I've always tried to forget that awful feeling, the laughter, the pain. Only the terrible fear returned, not the full memory, each time I thought of regular intercourse.
"But now I'm getting over it, with Paul's help. We ass-fuck most of the time, because he likes it as much as I do. Slowly but surely I'm beginning to relax when he puts his huge cock up my pussy. I think that I may even get to like it a lot. All I needed was to find a man, somewhere, who would make me stop trying to forget about that rape.
"Now that I have found that man, I am happier than ever."
In addition to Susan's eventual enjoyment of anal intercourse, which she probably will continue to employ as a method of sexual satisfaction, she had successfully made the first step toward a cure for her neurosis. In Susan's case, Paul has acted as her-albeit untrained-psychoanalyst. It will be, in all probability, too late for Susan to drop her anal activities altogether in favor of vaginal intercourse. However, anal intercourse will no longer be the compulsion it used to be for her. As such, we can safely say that Susan is making progress toward a more normal sexual life.
CHAPTER TWO: Jacqueline-France
"You American men! You just don't know what joys anal intercourse can bring. Not only for yourselves, but for your women, too. I have met Americans here in Paris and, with the exception of a select few, they all seem scared to death of anal intercourse. They look at me as if I'm crazy when I suggest it! Personally, I see no reason why we should not enjoy the pleasures of anal sex. We enjoy regular intercourse and oralism, n'est ce pas?
"I am a bookseller here on the Left Bank. It is a good living. I enjoy meeting people, talking to them, sharing their thoughts and interests. And I adore the tourists-they love my Paris, they love me, and I love them. I love their bodies, also. You see, sex is a big part of my life. And I want it to be so.
"I had my first sexual experience ten years ago at the age of thirteen, when we visited our family in the Loire Valley. My favorite cousin Jacques was fifteen at the time and we went for a walk in their enormous vineyard. Soon, we found ourselves sitting near a little stream in the sunlight. Jacques took off his shirt and lay back in the grass and started telling me of his recent sexual adventures. He knew quite a lot for his age and he certainly had a well-developed body. I watched him, fascinated as a big lump began to grow in his pants.
"Go ahead, Jacqueline, take it out. It won't bite you," he said with a smile, leaning up on his elbows. I think I must have blushed quite a bit, because I had never touched a man's penis, although I had seen them and talked about them with my girl friends. I also thought of what it would be like to feel one in my hand-thoughts which became my best masturbation fantasy. Now my cousin was inviting me to make my fantasy come true.
"I fumbled with the buttons on his pants, as he didn't help me. He just watched, amused. Finally I got them open. Reaching in, I wrapped my fingers around his organ-it was monstrous. Jacques just laughed and opened his buckle, sliding his pants down to his ankles. I stared at the huge thing between his legs. I'll never forget the sight of it there in the sunlight-it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen."
"Then Jacques spread his legs and told me to play with him, to touch him, to do anything I wanted. I was shaking because I was so excited. I thought, If only mother and father knew! I knelt between his outstretched legs and stroked his penis with my fingertips. Touching his balls lightly, I watched them move around in their sac.
"Go ahead, it won't bite!" Jacques said again, spreading his legs a little more. Now I could see the hair between his buttocks and the opening to his asshole. Even then, in my first experimenting with sex, I was fascinated by the anus. Jacques lifted his legs and spread his cheeks, because he could see I was very interested in his ass. I touched there, at the opening and I heard him moan, and then he told me to put a finger in him.
"I was shocked. Put a finger up his ass? I didn't know how. What finger? How deep? Wouldn't it hurt? But he guided me, applying saliva to my finger. He pressed it directly to the opening of his asshole and told me to force it in. I pushed and it was tight, but the muscle soon gave way and my finger slid up my cousin's derriere. The whole realization of what I was doing was overwhelming and I felt a tingling and a wetness between my legs. I watched Jacques as he moaned and wriggled on the grass in obvious delight as I moved my finger just a little, deep in his asshole. His penis seemed to grow even larger and he began to rub the skin up and down in his hand. The tip looked as if it were, going to explode. He loved what I was doing and then he told me to grab his cock and finger his ass at the same time. I did, pumping up and down his long organ with my right hand, while my left was under his asshole, with my finger buried to the hilt.
"A few moments later, Jacques thrust his hips in the air and I saw his balls tighten. Then a blast of white cream shot from the tip of his penis and the muscles of his asshole seemed to lock around my finger. He shouted and I felt all strength go out of his body as he was wracked with spasms. A hot liquid covered his chest and belly, and poured down over my hands. I loved the feel of it and wondered what it tasted like, but I was too embarrassed to actually lick some of it.
"But Jacques helped me. He sat up just as I pulled my finger from his hot asshole, and I lifted my other hand from his cock and saw that it was covered with white cream. I looked up into his eyes and he grabbed my hand. I was about to wipe it on the grass, and I didn't know why he took it. He lifted it to his mouth and opened his lips. Then he sucked off the semen.
"I watched him, utterly fascinated and excited. He did what I wanted. He moved my hand to my lips so I could taste the come that was left I sucked it into my mouth-it was still very warm-and let it slide down my throat. Then I lay on the grass, trying to get my breath back.
"To my surprise and delight, Jacques still had an erection and now he knelt next to me. I brought my hand up and touched it again.
"Jacqueline, I don't want to hurt you or make you do anything you do not want to do. But I would very much like to fuck you. I know I will be the first, but I will be very gentle."
"He was gentle and beautiful and powerful. I cried in pain, but also in pleasure, as I received a male organ into my small pussy for the first time. Jacques remained in me a long time before he actually came, which gave me time to get used to the massive invading member. When he did come, I thought my body had been flooded by some boiling liquid. It was an incredible moment, and I nearly fainted. He didn't pull out till his cock was soft, and then we moved down to the stream, where he gently washed and cleansed my pussy.
"I remember one aspect of that experience that is important here because it has to do with my anus. As my cousin was fucking me, I felt blades of grass tickling my little asshole. I remember the feelings very well-so electric, pulsating, stimulating. As our bodies rocked on the grass, my asshole became inflamed with wonderful tingles of pleasure. I didn't mention it to Jacques, but I remember it to this day.
"Let me tell you now about my first experience with anal sex. I was eighteen and I was helping Yvette, a dear friend, with her bookstall. One afternoon, a beautiful hunk of manhood walked up to the stand and bought a book. I thought he was an American, but it turned put he was French, though he had traveled around the world. He was my age, and had dark hair and eyes, and a deep-tanned body. I could see that under what little clothing he had on there was a tremendous body. And I also was very horny that particular day.
"His name was Philippe, as I found out later. We talked about nothing for a few minutes, but we were very much on a sexual level of thought. Before I knew it, he had invited me to his apartment, a nice little place just off boulevard Saint Michel, on the rue Monge. His room had a balcony which overlooked a garden of beautiful flowers. He was a writer and I called him Hemingway, just to tease him.
"He had said he wanted to get into something comfortable, so I sat on the bed and watched him take off his clothes. When he stood there in front of me in his undershorts, I knew that was the something comfortable he was talking about. I knew he expected me to do the same, and I could hardly wait. I stripped bare and lay back on the bed. I felt his eyes burning into my belly and cunt from the other side of the room.
"What a beautiful pussy you have, Jacqueline!" he said in a husky voice. And without another word he pulled me to the edge of the bed and spread my legs apart.
"Oh, Philippe, nibble on my sweet pussy, eat my cunt," I said. Talking during sex makes me much more excited. I think a person should say what he feels, or is thinking.
"He pushed the tender lips of my pussy apart and kissed them gently. Then his long tongue swept between them and pressed firmly into my vaginal canal. He pressed his face as deeply into my crotch as possible and I thought he was going to suck my entire cunt into his mouth! My pussy ached for the feel of his lips and tongue on my throbbing clitoris, and in a moment he was there, biting on the hard nub till my head began to spin.
"I felt a stream of pussy dew trickle out of the crack, into his mouth. I arched my body and wrapped my legs around his head, on his shoulders. I wanted to climax and I didn't want his mouth to pull away before I had reached it. I pushed up hard-too hard-and my cunt lips slid from his lips. Suddenly my asshole pressed to his mouth.
"Philippe sucked on my anus like I had never been sucked before. He pushed his tongue up into it and I felt the muscles giving, felt the hot wet tongue invading that virgin place. I spread my cheeks as far as possible and brought a hand down to play with my pussy lips. His long, brown hair covered my cunt and I pushed some of it in my pussy, which tickled and gave me even more satisfaction.
"He sucked my asshole in an unashamed and uninhibited way. I had been sucked there many times and I often used my finger there when I would masturbate. But now I was thinking of a man's prick being put up there-thinking of Philippe's strong young cock up there. He sucked on the most sensitive part of my entire body. He grabbed my ass cheeks and licked my asshole hard. He twisted his face and dug his nose and chin into me. I gasped in pleasure.
"My fingers worked my clit till they were very wet and tired. My clitoris was swollen to a size I never had felt before, and I knew it was the ecstasy of the ass-suck that was doing it. I wanted the moment never to end, for it was incredibly beautiful. Then I came and my entire body was wracked with spasms. I moaned and as I did, Philippe slid his lips back to my cunt and sucked up all the vaginal fluids as I lay back in ecstasy. When he pulled his head away, my cunt hairs glistened with the mixture of his saliva and my fluids. I turned over and sighed. Philippe sat on the bed next to me.
"That was the best I ever had," I told him honestly.
"You like what I did to your little rear end, didn't you?" he whispered in a seductive voice.
"I turned my head to him and smiled. He placed his hands on my ass and rubbed the cheeks. He told me how beautiful it was, how smooth, how unblemished. Then he kissed it, over and over, and I felt his hard cock rub against my side.
"I want to fuck you in your beautiful ass."
"Yes, I want it too. I want to have you shoot your load deep inside me, then I want to feel your come running down your cock till it drips out of your asshole." I was very excited. I turned over and looked at his cock. My entire body was inflamed in passion.
"He grabbed two pillows and placed them on the center of the bed. I positioned myself on them. It was hard for me to believe it was actually going to happen. His big cock was going to slide up my ass! I had thought of it, dreamed about it, and now it was going to come true. What I wanted most in the world, sexually, was about to happen from this beautiful stranger.
"The cheeks of my ass were elevated, ready to receive his giant member. I spread my legs as Philippe knelt behind me. The sight of my perfectly shaped, slender back and cheeky ass made his cock extra rigid.
"I'm going to fuck your asshole, little girl," he whispered in passion. Then I felt his lips on my anal opening, as he applied saliva. He brought the tip of his cock to my ass. I shivered in anticipation. The head of his cock felt like a battering ram. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to take it, that he would split me in two.
"I'm going to fuck your asshole," he said again, now pressing the tip of his prick to my hole. He pushed forward and I winced.
"Don't tighten up. The secret is to relax, just relax." He said it so gently, I let my body go limp. I tried not to think of the pain, only the wonderful feelings which were rising from that area of my body. And it worked. I felt the head of his swollen cock pry into my asshole. The muscles of the opening locked around it and he held it there, not moving an inch, till I could breathe regularly. I loved it and I wanted more, all of it!
"Hold on, baby, I'm going to give you all of my love muscle!"
"I held my breath and tried my best to relax, but I was so very excited! The battering ram of cock finally broke through all resistance and he pushed another two inches into me.
"I cried out in pain and anguish-yet it was a cry of love, a cry of encouragement. I loved the hurt I was feeling and I wanted more. I even reached down and felt his cock entering me, as if to make sure it was really happening and not just a dream. It fascinated me that such a huge thing could actually be penetrating me from behind.
"Then he pushed it all in ... I gasped. His cock was buried in my asshole, every inch of that huge organ! Then he pulled back and it slipped halfway out, and then he thrust it in again.
"Going to fuck you crazy," Philippe said, battering his cock in and out of my virgin hole. The forceful thrusts of his prick into my rectum pushed my hips back and forth against the pillows. And as my hips moved, my cunt was also in motion. Thus, I received an anal fuck from the rear while my clitoris was rubbing back and forth against the pillows.
"The saliva Philippe had applied let his cock slip in and out with ease, and the movement provided an intense friction which became a delicious feeling of ecstatic anguish for both of us. Soon Philippe was ready to ejaculate and I waited for it, wanting it, wondering what it would be like.
"We exploded in unison. His cock seemed to burst inside me, just as I let the rush of slippery fluid and excitement flood me. He filled my asshole with his hot come, every drop of it, and I felt it beginning to seep out of my asshole-then it dribbled down my pussy.
"Philippe pulled out of me and lay silently on the bed. I couldn't move. Tears formed in my eyes and I was filled with a feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction.
It had been the best sexual experience of my life. I knew now what real pleasure could be like, and I have experienced it ever since. I think everyone should experiment with sex, all forms of sex, till they find what is right for them, till they find their favorite way of doing it. Mine is anal intercourse and often!
"Philippe is still my friend and we often meet at a little bistro to talk away the night, or to go to one of our apartments and fuck. We like to include a third person, either a man or a woman, it doesn't matter. We have found that orgies-threesomes, bisexuality, call it what you will-are good and often much fun. Just last week Philippe and I performed anal sex for an American who was fascinated with it, but afraid to try it himself. But we did such a good job he masturbated and came twice-while watching us. I think now that he is back in America with his wife, he may be trying to get her to do something with her bottom that she never dreamed about before.
"Life for me is an easy-going thing. I am in no hurry to do anything. And I do what I want sexually. There is nothing I like more in this world than having a nice big cock up my asshole. Oh, I enjoy sucking on them, tasting them, nibbling on them. I like a cunt-fuck now and then, too. I like just about anything. But those are all just preludes, just warm-ups for the best and most important thing: my asshole. I feel fulfilled and complete when there's something up there. And that something can be just about anything-fingers, dildoes, hair brushes, anything!-but preferably it should be a hard cock.
"I get excited just thinking about it!"
In the last chapter we discussed some of the points of libidinal and ego development, with particular reference to the anal-sadistic stage of development. Here, we are concerned with this level of development also. In the case of Jacqueline, who has experienced and still periodically enjoys vaginal coitus as a secondary source of pleasure, we are mainly concerned with the manifestations of penis envy and how this development is connected with anal eroticism.
Helene Deutsch, writes in The Psychology Of Women:
In one way or another, there is no woman in whom one could not discover some traces of the genital trauma in the form of penis envy. In some women, these tendencies are not active, in others they contribute to character formation and produce neurotic symptoms.
Thus, penis envy is a normal development in the psychosexual life of a woman. It is merely a quantitative matter whether it will be aberrative or not.
But penis envy is not the only manifestation of the genital trauma during the phallic or clitoral phase of maturation. During this phase, the young woman lacks an active organ through which she may release her aggressions. Her aggressions turn inward out of necessity. This is a normal occurrence for the character development of the female. Although she is psychologically ready at this time for her receptive and passive function, she is not ready anatomically. As we said she is organless, her vagina is not anatomically ready to take over and compensate for clitoral devaluation until it is penetrated by the male member.
We find Jacqueline at this difficult phase in her life at the start of her story. She is confronted with all the ambivalent feelings so typical of her age. She is inhibited, which is emphasized in her fear that her parents will suspect her curiosity over her cousin Jacques' organ. On the other hand, she is anxiously awaiting her first sexual confrontation with a male. Thrust into this situation, Jacqueline succumbs to her womanly instincts. Finally, we find her completely given over to the idea of sexual pleasure, especially if it has anything to do with anality.
It is difficult to form conclusive opinions with this scanty evidence. But we may assume that she is suffering from a hysterical identification, as a result of a traumatic experience, which has subjected her to the repetition compulsion. Consider Jacqueline's remarks with respect to her apprehension regarding her sexual activities with Jacques, and its closeness with the breaking of the incest taboos. It is evident that she had experienced a shock from this situation.
Under normal circumstances, a young girl in her organless phase regresses to former psycho-sexual pleasure stages as a result of the genital trauma. In other words, until the vagina becomes the heir to sexuality, the anus becomes regressively activated as the primary source of pleasure.
In reference to the reactivated anal stage, we must notice some characteristic differences between Susan and Jacqueline. The former is unable to develop genitality because of her conflict with the incest taboo; guilt is the predominant factor. With Jacqueline, guilt plays practically no role at all in her psychical makeup. Rather, she has succumbed to the repetition compulsion. Thus, we may assume that in Susan's case we are dealing basically with a fantasy wish, and in Jacqueline's case we are dealing with a real situation and an actual event. Although both cases present us with a traumatic psychical reality, the present case is beyond the pleasure principle and may even contradict this principle of mental functioning.
Referring to the repetition compulsion, Freud wrote in Beyond the Pleasure Principle:
It is clear that in their play children repeat everything that has made a great impression on them in real life, and that in doing so they abreact the strength of the impression and, as one might put it, make themselves master of the situation. But on the other hand, it is obvious that all their play is influenced by a wish that dominates them the whole time-the wish to be grown up-and to be able to do what grown-up people do. It can also be observed that the unpleasurable nature of experiences does not always unsuit it for play. If the doctor looks down a child's throat or carries out some small operation on him, we may be quite sure that these frightening experiences will be the subject of the next game; but we must not in that connection overlook the fact that there is a yield of pleasure from another source. As the child passes over from the passivity of the experience to the activity of the game, he hands on the disagreeable experience to one of his playmate and in this way revenges himself on the substitute.
We mentioned that the phallic phase of development takes place usually between the ages of 3 and 6 in the female. The resulting psychical affects resulting from the genital trauma cause a regression. From approximately the ages of 6 to 12, the sexual desires are repressed. Freud has named this period the "latency period of sexual development." But during the puberty phase of physical development sexual desires grow stronger. This is similar in both sexes, and the objects of infantile love are re-cathected with libido. The result is the castration anxiety, which leads the male away from the mother or oedipal situation. The female's situation is complicated with the onset of menstruation. Thus, besides the re-cathexis of libidinal energy toward the mother, the old genital trauma is re-opened and she succumbs to castration anxiety. This anxiety leads the girl away from the mother. She devalues her and transfers her love to the father, hoping to get a child from him. These circumstances lead her into the oedipal situation.
It is of interest to note that a woman's later love for her mother, after the trauma has passed, is proportionate to her ability to overcome penis envy and stop discrediting her mother for her narcissistic wound. Thus, if she is later able to love and identify with her mother, it shows that she is rather well adapted to her anatomical reality and a willingness to accept, her femininity.
Just as a child is forced after his visit to the doctor to repeat the nature of this experience upon his playmates, in order to abreact, as in the Freud's example, Jacqueline is forced to turn this passively experienced trauma into an activity in a similar attempt to eliminate the elements of fear. In this activity, she is in a hysterical identification with her cousin and is repeating compulsively his sexual desires. Of course, there is another yield of pleasure stemming from the fact that the organ for gratification of sexual desires at the age of the genital trauma is the reactivated anus. Also in this activity she revenges herself symbolically upon Jacques, a fact which we cannot overlook.
"I just returned from a holiday in America with my new friend and lover, whose name I cannot tell you because of political reasons. Pierre, a name I'll give him, is very high in the government and I must be discreet.
"Telling you about him tells you much about me and proves a point-but more of that later. Let me tell you how we met.
"I had closed the stand one day when a big black motorcar drove by. I did not really notice it till it circled the street and drove by quite slowly. Then I saw the license plate was of the government, and I wondered who was in it. It continued down the street till it came around again and stopped near me.
"I turned and saw a man sitting in the back seat, smiling at me. He was very handsome and in his forties-a ripe, virile age here in Europe. I knew he looked familiar, but I felt embarrassed and turned away.
"I walked a few steps, and the car followed me. I tried to think who the person was, as he looked so familiar to me. Then it came to me! If it was who I thought it was I knew I would pass out right there. I looked again and the man was still smiling. It was him, I was sure now.
"I walked to the street corner and the chauffeur stopped the car just a few feet from me. The man motioned for me to approach the door, and I did so, after a slight hesitation. I wondered what he wanted-the thought of sex didn't occur to me immediately. I thought perhaps he thought he knew me.
"He was very blunt. He introduced himself and said that he very much desired my body and would I be his guest for dinner? He would reward me handsomely. I didn't want any reward; I was no prostitute. However, I smiled and nodded my head.
"Here is my card. Eight o'clock?"
"I shall be honored," I said softly.
"Oh no, it is I who shall be honored. What is your name?"
"Jacqueline."
"Jacqueline. Till this evening." He took my hand and kissed it, then the window rolled up and the car sped up the street.
"We had a very delicious dinner, and then we retired to his bedroom. I wanted nothing more than to be naked with him. The excitement he generated in me was greater than with any man-partly because of his fame and position, but also because of his charm and kindness. I sincerely liked him, and we found it easy to converse with each other.
"Once in the bedroom, he asked me to take off my clothing slowly so he could watch. He sat in a chair and I stood near the big bed. I removed my clothes ever so slowly. He became increasingly excited as I went on, and when I finally got down to my panties he opened his pants and pulled out a large, perfectly shaped cock. He held it tight in both hands, his eyes glued to my panties.
"I turned around and pulled them down over my smooth buttocks. He moaned in satisfaction when he saw the crevice of my asshole, and I bent over just a bit to spread them so he could see between them. Then I turned around and faced him full-front. He stared at my pussy and then jumped to the floor and, in a kneeling position, buried his face between my legs.
"I wriggled my body so nay panties fell around my ankles and stepped out of them. Lifting one leg into the air, my cunt lips were spread wide so he could eat all of it. Pierre was certainly an expert-he knew what he was doing. His tongue slid in and out of me with expertise, and my throbbing clitoris was all his. I put my leg down on the floor and spread my pussy lips wide with my hands, bending my knees (it reminded me of a dance class my mother enrolled me in when I was young) and pressed forward against his face.
"Pierre followed my every move. His mouth didn't leave my pussy once, even as I moved into a stooping position in front of him. As I did so, I could feel my asshole was open wide just a few inches from the floor. He lay flat on the floor now, with his head propped up on his hands, lapping at my cunt like a little puppy dog. Then he moved one finger down to my ass and my entire body shivered. I gasped.
"Ah," he said pulling his head away, "I have found the spot Mademoiselle Jacqueline finds most exciting?"
"Ah, oui, oui," I said over and over. He looked up at me and smiled and then went back to my pussy. My cunt lips were wide open and I was already wet with my own fluids. The touch of his finger on my anus had done it, had started me off, and I knew there would be no stopping me!
"Then he did it again-rubbed his finger lightly over the opening of my asshole. I wanted him to put it in me, so I could feel his tongue up my cunt and his finger up my asshole, but he only played there, teasing. Then he pulled his face away again and looked up at me.
"Darling Jacqueline, I must eat your little bottom."
"I lay back on the floor and lifted my legs into the air, grabbing my ankles with my hands. He came at me furiously and pressed his head against my spread ass cheeks. I screamed with ecstasy. His tongue wormed around in my anal opening, pushing lightly, forcing just the tip in. It brushed the hairs that lined the lips and even reached up to stroke my pussy lips. Then he tightened the muscles of his tongue as I relaxed the muscles in my body. His tongue poked into me and penetrated my hole.
"The feeling was sensuous and exciting. I was lifted into a world of pleasure where nothing existed except sexual feeling. Saliva gushed out of Pierre's mouth and made the penetration easier. He pushed his tongue in as far as it would possibly go and I felt as though a cock were up there!
"Fuck my asshole with your tongue," I cried out.
"And he did so. He grabbed both cheeks of my ass and rubbed them in his hands. With his stiffened tongue, he shot a tongue fuck into my asshole with such intensity and fury I thought I was going up in flames. My clitoris was erect and I reached down and felt it with my hand and manipulated it as he pierced my asshole with his tongue.
"I started to tremble and my body was covered with goose pimples. The sensations I was now feeling in my asshole were unlike any I had ever experienced. I knew it would be the best climax ever, the most satisfying, the most gratifying. I stiffened and cried out my pleasure.
"The dam broke under the flood. My vaginal walls poured out their secretions, they dripped down over his face, but he didn't stop. His tongue was still sliding in and out of my asshole. It wasn't until the sensation was completed that I finally relaxed and had to pull his head away from my asshole. I think he would have sucked on it all night.
"His cock was stiffer than ever. He stood up and quickly took off his clothes. I was surprised-and happy-to see a very well-developed body, with strong arms, a hairy chest, and enormous balls. He fell to his knees on the floor next to me and positioned himself over my body. I opened my mouth and he moved his hanging balls over my lips. Then he came down and I took them, sucking them into my warm wet mouth, as he had sucked on my asshole. I caressed them with my tongue and he moved his body up and down, so his balls were actually fucking my mouth! Finally, I could no longer keep my mouth wide open, and he moved off and held his penis above my face. I kissed the tip of it and then he began to caress and rub my face with it. He held the head in his fingers and rubbed it gently over my forehead, over my eyelids, over my soft cheeks and lips. A drop of clear fluid fell from the tip onto my cheek and he wiped it all over my face with the head of his cock. It dried there, coated on my face. Then I took his cock in my mouth and let him fuck my face. His balls slammed against my chin each time he shoved the huge member down' my throat. Even then I was thinking about it going into my asshole.
"I sucked him till he nearly came. He pulled out and bent down and kissed me. Then he moved his face to my breasts and nibbled on each hard nipple, murmuring soft words of love.
"I'm going to fuck you," he finally said, again kissing my face.
"Where?" I asked, reaching down to grasp his hot cock.
"Anywhere you would like, dearest Jacqueline," he replied, already knowing where I wanted it.
"I think you know where."
"Ah, oui, I think I do know very well."
"Please, do it now ... please fuck my ass!"
"I hadn't had anal intercourse in some three weeks and I was dying for it. We positioned ourselves in front of a wall mirror, so I could watch what was happening. Pierre positioned me by placing two big pillows under my midsection. This raised up the cheeks of my buttocks. Then I spread my legs apart and the cheeks of my ass parted and offered my anus to him. Pierre got on his knees behind me and applied lubrication to his cock and then to my asshole. It was cold and mushy, but it added even more excitement to the already ecstatic situation.
"His huge prick was now poised directly over the cheeks of my ass. I could watch the entire action in the wall mirror in front of me. And while I felt terror-stricken, as I always do when a cock is entering my behind-it still adds to my excitement-I watched with interest and great anticipation.
"He nestled the head of his cock between the cheeks of my ass. The feeling of his cock there unleashed waves of lust throughout my entire body, and I could again feel my clit budding and swelling in my pussy.
"Pierre pushed and the tip of his cock entered my asshole. I braced myself and bit my lips. He applied his pressure with a firm even stroke, pushing the walls apart to admit the rest of his cock. It was much thicker around the base and it became more difficult to get into me.
"But he did. He started thrusting and hammering away like a madman. My sensations of pain were very slight. The fucking movement in my asshole filled me only with pleasure and a great feeling of completeness. My eyes were glazed with lust. I gave up looking in the mirror and closed my eyes to enjoy the feeling of electricity generating from my anus.
"We began to synchronize our movements, pushing and pulling, fucking the living shit out of each other. The cream widened the hole and made our labors of deep penetration easier. I thrust my ass upwards each time he rammed his penis into my hole, and the narrow walls of the passage finally permitted fast, easy strokes of fucking. When the entire length of his cock was buried in me, I reached down and felt his balls hanging down over the bottom of my pussy lips. I rubbed his testicles and he moaned, and then started fucking again. Our bodies were wracked with incredible feelings of power and excitement. All I could think of or feel was that magnificent spear of flesh that had punctured the hole of rear-end love. That spear that was now all the way in me!
"Pierre's penis began to swell up to an even greater length and thickness. I knew his cock was going to come in my asshole any minute, and that's when I let everything go and no longer tried to restrain myself. And so, with our minds awhirl, and our spirits soaring crazily around the intense sexuality of the scene, his genitals blew out the secretions of his passion. The hot torrent of come quickly filled my rectal passage to capacity and then spilled over the hole and leaked down the cheeks of my ass. When the last bit of semen had spurted from the tip of his enormous cock, it softened and slid out of my asshole.
"Neither of us could say a word. There was nothing to say. It had been perfect, we had not been afraid to do what we liked best. He didn't state it, but I knew he loved to fuck a girl in the ass just by the way he performed. It was doubly great for we had reached orgasms at the same moment.
"As we lay there on the floor of his sumptuous bedroom, it occurred to me once again just who he was and another shiver of excitement ran down my spine. I wondered if I had pleased him enough to have him invite me back again?
"My answer came the next day. He rang up and asked me to a party the following weekend. I accepted. It was one of the most memorable evenings of my life. The party was attended by famous government people, painters, movie and stage stars, writers. I felt honored to be with one of the most sought-after bachelors in the country-or in the world, for that matter. Many women stared at me in envy and I thought to myself, go ahead and stare-you would only want vaginal intercourse with this man-you would not know how to please him! I felt very proud and very lucky.
"After the party I thanked him and he asked me to spend the evening at his house. "I already have an erection just thinking about your lovely buttocks," he said in the back seat of the car.
"I reached over and grasped his penis through his pants, and played with it all the way to the house. We stripped off our clothing immediately upon entering the bedroom, and he applied the lubricating cream to his cock while I positioned myself on the bed. He did it facing me, so we could kiss and he could fondle and nibble on my breasts. I held my legs in the air till his cock had been shoved all the way up my ass, then I locked them around his powerful shoulders.
"He moved in slow, even strokes until his cock swelled and finally shot! I felt every moment, every spurt, every move. He filled me with his hot liquid and his tongue searched out the deep recesses of my mouth. Then he pumped his cock some more and his-come spilled out, wetting the bed.
"I gasped as he continued fucking me even after he had come. Then I felt his fingers digging between us, finding my clit in all its wetness. Soon he was playing with me and he brought me off and kept his cock hard the entire time, still fucking my asshole. It was an amazing evening and I felt even closer to him.
"I knew I was falling in love. I didn't reject the thought. I only hoped he felt the same. But it was difficult to tell because of his position and of his need to be discreet. I received beautiful gifts from him and he sent me money for a new and beautiful apartment. I didn't feel these things were payment for my services. They were gifts from someone who liked me very much. It was all going so well!
"But then I started to be mentioned in columns of the newspapers and one of them even did a story called "Who Is She?" No one could find out who I was, as I never gave an interview. I considered my private life very private, indeed. But it upset Pierre and soon we had to discuss it. Many people had linked us romantically, we had to come up with a past for me, I had to have some importance. It is a long story, but we made up some things and people believed them. Then we went to America and had a wonderful vacation. The bad part of our relationship-the only bad part-began last week, after we had returned.
"We had little time alone in America, thus we had little sex. Every now and then, between appointments, we would be able to get in a quick anal fuck, but it was rare. We were both looking forward to our return to Paris so we could again live a less hectic life and be able to have sex at our leisure.
"Pierre's best friend Tomas, actually a distant cousin, dropped in soon after our return. He had been in Spain for a few years, and he asked Pierre for a place to stay for a few months until he got some money together. Pierre invited him to stay at the house, and since I'm always there, we have become a threesome.
"This would be fine with me, but the first time we shared in sex-and I liked it because Tomas is young, good-looking and has a powerful cock-I knew it would never work. Tomas hinted that he did not approve of anal intercourse. Instead of talking about it and getting him to try it, as I would have done, Pierre pretended to agree with him, so we had a night of straight oral and vaginal sex. Tomas is not afraid to take Pierre's cock into his mouth, nor is he afraid of fucking my mouth while Pierre fucks me. He will do anything-anything short of analism.
"When we were alone, I begged Pierre not to be a hypocrite. But he thought Tomas would look down upon him for our deviation. Deviation! I never considered any form of lovemaking a deviation. But Pierre wanted it kept secret, because should Tomas tell others ...
"One evening after Tomas had been having sex with us for a few days-and he was good at it, I'll admit that-he invited another girl to join us. The four of us had a good time, but the evening did not include anal sex. Oh, there was some kissing of assholes, but no penetration by the male organ.
"The nights left me with an increasing passion for anal sex. Pierre fucked me in the ass after breakfast one morning, when he saw how upset I was. I just stood up and lifted my nightgown to my waist after the servants left the room. He dropped his robe and put butter all over his cock. Then, as I bent over the croissants and jellies, he shoved his cock into my asshole and pumped me till I came. Just after we had finished, Tomas walked in, I wished he had come in a minute earlier!
"And this is where I am and this is where I leave you. I love Pierre very much, but I am very afraid that the gap between us will widen. If he cannot be honest with his friends regarding all matters, including sex, then how can we have an honest, loving relationship? If my desires and his own desires mean so little to him, then I should want no part of that man.
"But I love him and cannot break. Instead, I have been forced to do something else-I have been seeing other men, men who will stick their hot cocks up my asshole and give me what I need, men who care nothing about what people think. We hear so much about women's liberation these days. I think we should hear more about the liberation of self! If a person wants and prefers anal intercourse, he or she should practice it, whether or not friends or the world approves. You must do what you desire.
"I only know that I feel my best when there is a big cock driving up my asshole, ripping me apart, filling me, making me burst with its load of hot come."
A prognosis in this case is an extremely difficult task. Jacqueline's well-being is dependent upon her ability to recognize her enslavement to the repetition compulsion. Possibly, the abreaction of this event will have a therapeutic benefit, but certainly not a complete one. Other factors also come into account here. First of all, her fixation upon the anal stage of psychosexual development, and, secondly, the infringement of the incest taboo, even if it had only a small effect upon this aberration, still plays a part.
But most important are the circumstances of Jacqueline's credo of life. She expresses herself in the words, "You must do what you desire," and has a tendency to depreciate her love objects for their inability to follow this philosophy. The question is whether or not she has actually formed, in any of these relationships, a love transference. Her sexuality is almost purely dominated by her desire for pleasure. Affection plays a very limited part in all of these alliances. Unfortunately, we have no knowledge of the relationship between Jacqueline and her parents, and this information is imperative before we can form a conclusive prognosis ...
CHAPTER THREE: Antonio-Italy
"My mother died when I was only three years old. We lived on a farm just outside Naples, a big sprawling place where my father, my two older brothers, a younger sister and I learned the rigors of hard work and religion. My father was very strict in both aspects, and although I appreciate it, I also wish he had paid more attention to our schooling. When my father married for a second time, I was twelve years old.
"We needed a mother and he needed a wife. Rita was a Widow and childless, so father could give her what she needed-children and a husband. She was a pretty woman, but she was big! She had gigantic breasts and her ass jiggled as she walked. She never wore any underpants. She was a good, fun-loving woman with incredible energy, doing the work of five women and doing it well. I remember her as being the best cook in the world! At least, the world of my life.
"My brothers had told me about sex when I was still quite young, so I was pretty worldly. They were quite proud when hair grew on their genitals, and their cocks began to grow. I was envious, of course. But then, when I turned twelve, I began to change rapidly. My little cock thickened and lengthened, and a thatch of dark hair appeared around it. My balls got bigger and my voice lowered. It was happening a little earlier to me than to most of my friends, but I loved it because I was the center of attraction. I felt very masculine and grown up.
"One night, after Rita had said good-night, we were all in our beds on the top floor of our house. My brothers started talking about Rita and told me they had watched her bathing that afternoon and they proceeded to describe her body and the size of her nipples and cunt. They pulled their covers back and revealed their hard cocks, and began playing with themselves. They told me to do the same. I was already hard when I pulled the covers down to reveal myself. They were surprised at the size of my cock-it was already as big as Frederico's, my oldest brother.
They came to my bed and we all knelt on it, facing the center. We had a contest to see who would ejaculate first. I had never done this, but during the past few weeks I would wake up and find dried cream in my underwear. So I tried, but I couldn't seem to do it. I must have been nervous. My brothers both came and I was fascinated. I rubbed their balls for them as they pulled on their cocks, which helped excite them. Finally, after they had wiped the come off themselves and my bedcovers, I told them I could not yet do as they had done.
"I do not believe you," Frederico said.
"I have tried!" I told him honestly.
"You have not tried everything!" he said. I didn't know what he meant, but I soon found out. He told me to lay back on the bed and think of a beautiful woman. I couldn't think of anyone but Rita, especially Rita's beautiful ass. All of a sudden I felt something warm and wet encase my penis. I opened my eyes and looked down; I saw Frederico sucking on my cock! I couldn't believe it! We had often played with each other, but we had never done such a thing. I had never even seen such a thing being done, although Frederico often told me his girl friend took his cock into her mouth.
"My other brother told me to relax and to close my eyes. He knelt down at the side of the bed and ran his fingers over my well-developed chest and down to my balls and between my legs to my asshole. The feelings were like none I had ever felt before and I started to tremble. Frederico sucked hard on my penis and gave me pleasure I didn't know I could feel. In a few minutes I was sweating and I felt as if my cock were about to burst, to explode with warmth!
"I moaned and almost began to cry as my body was wracked with spasms and my cock released its load. Twelve years of my life went out of me at that moment and I knew now that I was a man. I filled Frederico's mouth till he choked and swallowed all of it. I finally lifted my head and looked down. He looked up, with my softening cock still in his mouth, and smiled. It was a moment I'll never forget. I loved my brothers for teaching me those things.
"A few weeks later, my brothers and sister went to Rome for a week to stay with my grandparents. I had a bad cold so I was not allowed to go. I didn't mind though, because I loved the farm and I liked being alone. When my chores were done, I would often walk up to the top of the big hill in the center of our land and look down at the river and the ancient aqueducts. Then I would take off all my clothing and run naked in the sun, or sit and eat grapes and cheese as my body grew dark tan. I would masturbate there in the sunshine, and then masturbate again at night in my bed. Sometimes I would do it five times a day. I could not get enough of it, could not climax enough to satisfy me. I wanted a woman.
"One day I returned to the house very dirty. My father had gone into Naples for the day and Rita had just cleaned the house, so she wouldn't let me in without bathing.
"Antonio, you take your clothes off and wash in the tub!" she called to me. I turned and went into the bath house, stripped and got into the big old tub filled with warm water.
"All of a sudden, without any warning, Rita came in. I tried to cover my cock with my hands, but I had an erection, and it was difficult to conceal.
"I need the soap for the kitchen floor," she said, and I believed her. But I thought I saw a glimmer in her eye as she looked down at me in the tub. She found her soap in the cabinet on the other side of the room and when she turned around she was staring at my back.
"I had been up to the top of the hill with a small bottle of vino, where I had been laying on my back in the soil. Rita noticed the dirt on my back and neck.
"Antonio, how did you get so filthy! I'm going to wash your back, give me that sponge!"
"No, I can do it myself," I protested in vain. She knelt next to the bathtub and soaped up the sponge.
"I have a right to wash your back. I'm your mama now! Since when did you get to be so modest?"
"She scrubbed my back and the feel of her hands on my naked flesh sent tingles up my spine. My cock erected to its fullest. I could no longer conceal it with my hands. I removed them and I blushed as Rita's hands stopped moving on my back and just rested there.
"She stared down into the water for a moment, saying nothing, and then continued rubbing my back.
"Antonio, you are quite a man already! You should have a girl friend like your brothers."
"I suppose, Mama," I replied. I began to feel more at ease and my cock softened a bit. It floated on top of the water between my legs. I was beginning to enjoy the feel of her hands cleansing my body.
"Have you been playing with yourself when you think of girls?" she asked, washing my arms.
"Oh, no," I lied. She scowled and started to laugh. Her whole body shook. "Why do you laugh?" I asked.
"I know what the priest says, but I also know what young boys do. Your brothers play with themselves. I have seen them in the barn one day! So I bet you do the same."
"Well ... sometimes," I admitted. There was no fooling her.
"Don't be ashamed, Antonio. The priest is wrong, it will not hurt you. Everyone does it. I did it till I met your father. It is a natural part of living."
"Suddenly I became very brave. "I masturbate often, sometimes twice a day. Even three times."
"Well, you are quite a boy for your age," she said, and dropped the sponge into the water. She had finished with my arms and back and she smiled down at me, took one last look at my cock, and left the room.
"Just talking about it got me excited again, so I jacked off.
"The next afternoon a very strange thing happened to me. I went to the hill after finishing my chores. It was an extremely hot day and I wanted to swim in the river. I took off my clothes on the top of the hill and ran down naked, until I came to the bottom. Then I ran into the water-it was very cold-and flipped over and over, refreshing myself. When I walked out of the water onto the river bank I was startled to see a woman sitting there watching me.
"I covered my nakedness with one hand and shielded my eyes from the sun to see who it was. I had never seen her before, but she was quite good looking and about twenty-five or thirty years old. She was sitting with her legs drawn up and her naked pussy was visible to me.
"I stared in wonder. Who was she? What was she doing there? She put her legs down and leaned back. Her white blouse shined in the sunlight and I could see the dark spots where her nipples touched the material underneath.
"Do not cover yourself! You are a very beautiful boy. I enjoy looking at you!" she called to me.
"I was shocked, but I listened to her. I moved my hands from my penis and stood naked in front of her. My body was still dripping wet as I walked toward her.
"I am visiting friends about a mile up the river. I went for a walk and saw you bathing here. I am Maria. Come here, don't be afraid."
"I walked to within a few feet of her. I brushed some of the water from my hair and said, "I am Antonio. We live just over the hill."
"You are very exciting for a woman to look at, Antonio. How old are you?"
"Almost thirteen."
"She couldn't believe it. "You are kidding me! I would swear you are at least sixteen! You have a cock bigger than my husband's!"
"I looked down at my penis. It was hanging full in front of me. I didn't know what to say or do. But I didn't have to wonder for long. She reached up and took my cock in her hand and held it tight.
"My cock became hard almost instantly. Holding on to it, she squeezed it until it began to hurt. Then she let go and caressed my balls with her fingers. I loved the feeling, and I moved my body closer, spreading my legs a bit so she could get between them. Then she found my asshole with her fingertip and rubbed it gently. My cock stood straight out in front of me.
"Then she lay on the ground and put her legs up. She pulled her dress to her waist and exposed her hairy cunt before me. It was a beautiful sight and I instinctively grabbed my cock as I knelt down between her legs, looking at it, feeling very excited.
"Antonio, when I lift my legs into the air, I want you to put your cockhead on my anus, understand?"
"I nodded. I would do anything she wanted.
"But first, come here and let me suck on you for a minute."
"I moved quickly and knelt down next to her face. She opened her sensual dark lips and fitted them around the head of my cock. I held her hair in my hands as she moved her head up and down on my shaft. The feeling was better than when Frederico had done it and the way she played with my heavy balls while she did it caused even more sensations of pleasure in my young body.
"Finally, just when I realized I was getting ready to shoot, she pulled her head away and told me to go to her bottom. I got up and moved between her legs again, kneeling there with my wet cock in one hand. She lifted her legs high and pulled her feet over her face. Her pussy and asshole were spread before me as I moved the head of my cock down and braced myself with one hand.
"I placed the head of my cock against the pink opening of her anus and she gasped. "Antonio, push till the head goes in just a little. Then make it come, make it shoot! I want to feel your hot young cream in my hole and all over my ass!"
"Her words excited me more than anything ever had. I pressed the tip of my cock into her ass and to my surprise the muscle gave way and it entered without any problem. Then I moved my hand up and down the shaft. It was so very strange, not seeing the head of my cock, but masturbating on it at the same time. Her shouts of ecstasy were echoed by the valley.
"In a minute I filled her with my semen. I pumped squirt after squirt into her and watched as it seeped out around the top of my cock and ran down her asshole. She brought one hand down and rubbed my come all over her pussy and her tummy. Her face was flushed and happy. And I could see a trickle of clear fluid coming out of her pussy.
"As the last spurt of come shot from my cock, I knew I couldn't stand it any longer. The stones in the ground were digging into my knees and my body was trembling. I had a great desire to fuck her, to shove my cock all the way up her ass. I had never fucked anything or anyone before and I was desperate to know what it felt like.
"So I did. I took my hand away and shoved my hips forward. Maria let out a scream which could-almost have caused the aqueduct to collapse! I let my body fall to hers and her feet wrapped around my back. My cock slid in because of the lubrication of my semen and another surge shot through my body. I was getting harder again and I felt even more excited.
"Fuck me! Hard! Fuck, my asshole, little big boy!" She shouted and clawed at my naked back. I pumped my ass hard, shoving my long cock in and out of her wet asshole. In a few moments I felt my pressure rising again and I let loose with a powerful orgasm that filled her once again. My cock went soft, and my mind was spinning. I finally pulled out of her and rolled over on the ground.
"We were silent for a few moments and then she sat up and straightened her dress. "Antonio, you must have lied to me about your age. No boy of thirteen can do what you just did. Thank you, beautiful Antonio."
"I asked her how long she would be in the area. She said till the day after tomorrow.
"Then I could see you tomorrow, yes?" I asked with anticipation.
"Yes, surely. Here, tomorrow afternoon." She stood up.
"Yes, Maria. I will be here." I stood up also. She bent over and kissed me on the forehead and started up the river. I watched her until she was out of sight. I resisted the temptation to masturbate then, for I was still very excited. But I knew I would have to save myself for the next day. I jumped in the river, then ran up the hill and got dressed and went home. All excited.
"It was difficult to return the next day because Rita wanted me to help her clean the barn, and I pretended to be feeling terrible, telling her I would do it the next day. She believed me and I took off early in the afternoon for the river. Maria met me there and we took off our clothes and played in the water until we were so excited we couldn't stand it any longer. We stood in the hot sun on the river bank and held each other tightly.
"I wanted to do the same thing we did the day before; I wanted to put my cock up her asshole. I had thought about it all night. I woke often, finding it hard to sleep, and played with myself, touching my cock and asshole, which sent shivers up my spine. It seemed very natural for me to fuck her ass again. I didn't even think about her pussy.
"Suck on my nipples," Maria said to me, pushing my head down to her breasts. They were hard and I pulled them into my lips and licked them with my tongue. She was very pleased and she returned the favor by sinking to her knees in front of me and taking my hard cock into her mouth. She sucked on it for a minute as I stood with my hands on my hips, with my legs spread in the sandy soil. The sun beat down and I was in heaven.
"She moved her head off my cock and started licking my balls. I shuddered as I watched her lovely face under my long thick cock, lapping my testicles. She sucked them into her mouth and swirled them with her tongue, and then she licked my thigh and brought her hands up to my ass cheeks.
"Turn around, Antonio," she ordered. I wondered what she was going to do. I turned around so my ass faced her. She kissed it and let her tongue slide down between the cheeks.
"Now bend over slowly," she said, and I did. "Oh, you are so hairy in between!" she exclaimed happily. Then, when I was facing the ground, she kissed me directly on the opening to my anus and I thought I would faint! The sensation was incredible! She licked and sucked and buried her head between the cheeks of my ass. She spread them with her hands and then moved her fingers down between my legs and began pulling on my cock. I nearly came, but held back for what was to follow.
"I want to fuck you," I said as I stood up. She smiled and lay back on the ground, naked, spreading her shapely legs. I knelt between them. But she did not pull her legs up as the day before.
"I know," I said, "why don't you turn over and I'll put it in from behind!"
"Antonio, I want to have you fuck me normally! In my cunt!"
"I thought about it for a moment and felt at once disappointed and afraid, I don't know why, I just did. I tried to put my cock in her pussy but I found that my erection had fallen down to such a point that I couldn't. She begged for it, but I just couldn't do it.
"All right, we will try the other. I want your beautiful hard cock in me anyplace I can get it!" And then she lifted her legs and I saw her asshole, hot and gleaming in the sunlight. I put my cock to the opening and it got hard as a rock immediately. I shoved with all my might and entered her. We fucked there on the ground till I came.
"After I pulled out, Maria took my half-hard penis in her lips again and sucked off all the come. I let her keep doing that until I knew I was ready to shoot again. I fell back to the ground as she knelt on all fours, sucking me as hard as she could. When I exploded in her mouth, I opened my eyes and looked up. There, on the top of the hill, was the figure of a woman watching us. And I could tell that figure was Rita. I didn't say anything to Maria, but I'm sure she felt my alarm. Rita was gone almost immediately, but I knew it was going to be hard facing her.
"I never saw Maria again after that day, but I will never forget her. I tell you about her because it is only a preview of what's to follow in my life. You see, I have never-with the exception of about three cases when I was very drunk-been able to keep an erection for vaginal intercourse. I can fuck an asshole or a mouth and come six times in a row, but I cannot do it with a pussy. It amazes me that I was already that way at twelve years old. And it has always worried me."
Possibly the easiest way to get an understanding of this situation is to deal with Antonio's homosexual acts first and then progress to the other aberrations.
Antonio's first experience of orgasm was with a member of the same sex. This is by no means a novelty, in fact this type of experience may be found in the childhood of many adults. Freud accounts for this paradox by explaining, in many of his writings, that there is a constitutional factor both psychologic and physiologic which indicates the natural bisexuality of the species. For instance, he wrote in Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality:
A certain degree of anatomical hermaphroditism really belongs to the normal. In no normally formed male or female are traces of the apparatus of the other sex lacking; these either continue functionless as rudimentary organs, or they are transformed for the purpose of assuming other functions.
However, Freud does not believe that this natural physical hermaphroditism explains homosexuality. Bather, he attributes the etiology to a fixation of the libido due to early affective sexual impressions, which cause a clinging to the erotic significance of the anal zone and a narcissistic object choice as the most essential characteristics of sex inversion. Thus we must recognize that somatic hermaphroditism and inversion are totally independent of each other.
This idea does not contradict the later findings of psychoanalysis that the human is virtually psychically bisexual in his early infantile relationships. It is the heterosexual identification with our parents which converts this original bisexuality. This identification implies a desexualization, which makes this bisexual energy available for transformation under advantageous circumstances into a general love for mankind as an example among other possible sublimations.
The psychical components of this infantile bisexuality are expressed by Freudain his book Leonardo da Vinci and a Memory of His Childhood:
There was once a time when the male genital was found compatible with the picture of the mother. When a male child first turns his curiosity to the riddle of sexual life, he is dominated by his interest in his own genital. He finds that part of his body too valuable and too important for him to be able to believe that it could be missing in other people whom he feels he resembles so much. As he cannot guess that there exists another type of genital structure of equal worth, he is forced to make the assumption that all human beings, women as well as men, possess a penis like his own ...
That the penis could be missing strikes him as uncanny and intolerable ... [But eventually] ... he conies to the conclusion ... that little girls too have a penis, but it was cut off and in its place was left a wound. Under the influence of this threat of castration, he now sees the notion he has gained of the female genitals in a new light; henceforth he will tremble for his masculinity.
We notice many points for comparison with the ease of Antonio. First of all, he exhibits quite an interest in his penis and values it quite highly, possibly even more so than is usually the case. We also know from a statement of his stepmother, Rita, that the priest speaks unequivocally against the practice of masturbation. This represents a feature of many cultures and it is usually perpetuated by parents or other moral authorities.
The individual develops a castration complex, then, from these three facts: (a) the female genitals, (b) threats centered around masturbation, and (c) the threat emanating from the incest taboo.
We see that Antonio cannot achieve coitus. His libido is fixated at the anal point of psychosexual development. From this fact we may assume that Antonio is unable to achieve vaginal intercourse because he fears the female organ, it implies the threat of castration.
If this castration complex is a normal manifestation of the human, as we assume, why does Antonio's case produce aberration, whereas the normal boy has an advantageous outcome? The answer to this question is of paramount importance in understanding Antonio.
His first sexual experiences are introverted. This is by no means unusual; the bisexual impulse at a later date succumbs to sublimation in normal individuals, as we have discussed.
Why did this not happen to Antonio? He gives us a clue when he tells us:
"I really got into ass-fucking the day after my experience with Maria. I avoided Rita that night and didn't talk much at supper. The following day my father went to Naples on business and Rita and I were again left alone. I was out in the yard when Rita called me from her bedroom window.
"Antonio, come up here!"
"She was completely naked when I entered the room. "Close the door and lock it," she ordered. I obeyed. I was becoming very excited. Her body was not nearly as fat as I had thought-it was big, but solid. And her ass was nice and mushy. I stood against the door, looking at her sprawled on the bed in front of me.
"I watched you yesterday. I want what you were giving that woman," she said softly.
"But you are my stepmother," I responded, already feeling my cock harden in my work pants.
"That should make it all the more exciting. I want you to stick that oversized cock of yours up your stepmother's ass. Your daddy refuses to do it!"
"I was breathing hard and heavy as I began to unbutton my trousers. They dropped to the floor and my hard penis sprang up.
"Give it to me, Antonio! Do what your brothers only dream of doing!" And at that moment she looked positively beautiful lying there. I wanted to fuck the living shit out of her. I wanted to be a man and show her what it was like to get fucked in the ass.
"She turned over on the bed. "Suck my hole, bambino," she said, spreading her legs on the bed. I moved to her slowly, rubbing my cock with my hand. I was terribly excited. I saw the hairs between her ass cheeks and spread them with my hands as I knelt between her legs. Then I bent down and licked just once over the entire area of the puckered anal opening.
"She squirmed and started panting. "Antonio, I haven't been fucked in my bottom for months! Your daddy has a nice cock and he knows how to ram my pussy, but he won't give it to me there.
"Oh, Antonio, yes that's it, suck it nice ... "
"I did my best. I licked and bit and pushed my face between the huge cheeks. I darted my tongue deep within the cleavage and tasted her rectal hairs. Shivers raced through my entire body as the tip of my tongue flicked back and forth through them. Then I stuck my tongue out as far as it would go and I pushed at the opening. It entered and slid into her. The inside was moist and hot and I pulled back and did it again. My head reeled at the realization that I was actually sucking my stepmother's asshole-and I was not even thirteen years old!
"Oh, Antonio, tongue-fuck my asshole! Oh, you beautiful, beautiful child! When I'm good and hot I'll let you stick your big cock up my ass. Then I want you to shoot off and blow it in my ass."
"Rita moved her hips upwards and I moved my fingers underneath her and placed one of them inside her pussy lips. It was wet and warm in there and I began to wriggle it around, which she liked. Then I found a hard little nub and when I rubbed it she squirmed and cried out in pleasure. I didn't really know what it was, but I knew I was doing something right. I ate her ass and moved my finger in her cunt until she could stand it no longer. She moved up on her knees and I followed, never taking my mouth from her rear end.
"Fuck my ass, Antonio! Fuck it with your finger first!"
"I hadn't thought of that. I had often worked my fingertip inside my own asshole when masturbating, but I hadn't thought of finger-fucking Rita. I pulled my face from her ass and wiped it with my hand. Her asshole was shining with my saliva and I placed my finger there and played around a little. She begged me for it and I shoved it in slowly all the way. She groaned a low, deep sound and I knew I had accomplished what she wanted.
"I slid my finger in and out of her asshole until she told me to put two in! I pushed two fingers up-I was utterly fascinated! I grabbed my cock with my other hand and began stroking it. It felt bigger than ever.
"Rita asked for three fingers. It was difficult getting them in, but I finally did. I fucked her like that till I thought I would die of excitement. I was really entranced by the sight of my fingers sliding in and out of this woman's asshole! It was hard to comprehend that it was actually taking place-in my father's bed yet!
"Antonio, I can't stand it! Your cock! I want your cock!"
"I pulled out my fingers and wiped them on the bed. Then I bent down and applied more saliva to her ass with my mouth and positioned my cock on the opening. Rita suddenly went silent, ready and waiting for it. The touch of her asshole on my cockhead was electrifying-for both of us!
"Then I pushed forward; she was still silent, holding back all sounds to feel my cock sliding in her. The head of my penis pushed at the opening. It was difficult. The muscles were tight, but I finally got it in and the tip of my swollen cock disappeared and was enclosed by the rubbery walls of her anal canal. She let out a deep groan.
"Antonio, I am in heaven ... I am in heaven!" she called out as I slowly pushed the rest of my cock into her asshole. I felt the walls expanding under my force, clinging tightly to every inch of my long cock. I held her ass cheeks with both hands and watched myself enter her.
"Finally I gave one last lunge and my pubic hair pressed against her ass cheeks. My balls swung and hit her big cunt. I was in-all the way in. My penis was buried up the asshole of my stepmother and now I was going to give her a fucking she would never forget.
"Oh, I'm bursting! I'm bursting!" she shouted, bouncing her head up and down. She reached down with one hand and grasped my balls and held them in her hand. I shivered at her touch and pulled my loins back, drawing my cock out of her asshole. She pulled my balls forward and my body went with them, shoving my cock all the way up her ass again. Then she released her hold and stuffed her hand up her pussy.
"I went to town. I pulled out and pushed in with long, easy strokes, giving her a chance to get used to it. I know she wanted and needed a rough fuck, but I wanted to get her all warmed up first. It was strange; I felt as if I had been doing this all my life. Actually it was only the second time. But at that moment I felt as if I were in full control and she was under my power. No longer was she my stepmother. She was a woman giving herself to me.
"Oh, yes, Antonio, slide that nice long cock way in there ... that's it ... "
"I'm gonna fuck you, Rita!" I yelled and then slammed my cock all the way up her. My balls banged against her hand, which was still stuck in her cunt. I did it again and again until she lowered her head to the pillows and began to moan. This is what she wanted.
"Mercilessly, I became carried away, inflamed with passion, hysterical. I wanted to come with such a load as to make her actually explode! I wanted her asshole to ache for weeks. Every time she took a shit, I wanted her to feel the pain that would recall the moment when I filled her ass with hot come. And I wanted her to want that pain again and again so w do it over and over. Wouldn't my brothers be surprised it they knew what was going on?
"She moaned and cried and loved every minute of it. Just before I shot, she trembled and squealed, and then, immediately after that, she took her hand from her pussy. I later realized women could come, too. She braced herself and begged me to shoot. And I did.
"I think I shouted also, although I can't remember. I know I had trouble keeping from falling over. I stuck my cock up her ass so hard it felt as if my pubic hair and half of my lower body went with it!
"My come shot out like gunfire! My body bounced on the bed, and my balls shook as they exploded the come up my shaft. My cockhead jumped inside her, and the come poured down the shaft and dribbled out over my balls and her cunt. As she felt the first few burning sensations, she let her body collapse on the bed and I fell with her. Because her ass was so full of come, my cock was forced halfway out of her asshole.
"But that made it all the more exciting because her cheeks were now encasing the lower part of my cock and they felt almost cold compared with the heat of her anal canal. I shot the last few jets of thick sperm into her asshole and then I pulled out and let my hard, throbbing cock rest between the cheeks of her ass.
"Rita was sobbing on the bed. I wondered if it was from joy or from guilt, and then I figured it was a bit of both. I know that I only felt excitement. Sex was something that everyone should share, I thought, as I had shared it with my brothers. I felt no restrictions regarding family, although Rita and I were not really related. I think Rita felt guilty because of my father. Also, I had done the very thing she wanted her husband to do, and that must have weighed heavy on her mind.
"I moved from the bed without a word. She was crying softly now and I knew it was best to leave her alone. I went to the bath house and washed my body. Then I went out for a walk to my favorite place on the hill. I fell asleep there and didn't come back until the sun was going down. I had supper with father and Rita, and he never guessed a thing.
"I told my brothers about my experience with Rita one night when we were masturbating together. They both were interested and it made for a good fantasy for them. They didn't believe me, however. I told them I could prove it. So the next time Rita and I had anal intercourse, I made sure they were hiding in the closet, watching every bit of it.
"We kept our relationship going for a month, until one day I mentioned to her that Frederico would like to ass-fuck her. She was horrified that I had told him, but she finally relented. She knew he had a good body and she wanted his big cock up her ass when she thought about it. He fucked her hard and expertly while I watched, and while Rita sucked on my cock. I came in her mouth at the same time my brother came in her asshole.
"Soon, all three of us boys were fucking Rita in the ass almost twice a week. My father knew nothing of it. If he had, I think he would have killed us all. He was a very proud man.
"Things couldn't go on forever and the day came when I wanted to go off on my own, to get away. I was sixteen. My father wished me well and I left home to wander around the countryside, seeking a new life and loves.
"I roamed the country for almost six years. I worked when I needed money, met people, made and lost friends, and enjoyed life. Finally, I felt the need to settle down. The wandering part of my life was over, and I knew I wanted to be a farmer like my father. He was getting old now, so I went back to visit him.
"I stayed with my father and Rita for almost a year. At the celebration of my sister's wedding, I met a girl-Margherita-whom I liked very much. Rita liked her also, and we invited her to dinner with the family. My brothers were both married already, so our family grew in numbers.
"Shortly after that, as I was dating Margherita, father suffered a heart attack and was unable to work any longer. Rita took good care of him, and I took good care of the farm. He told me if I wanted it, it was mine. I gladly accepted, and soon after that Margherita and I were married.
"Margherita claimed that analism excited her. She had only been fucked in the ass once in her life, but she had been desiring it again. The first time I did it to her I thought I had hurt her badly, for she almost passed out from pain, and we had to stop. But soon after that we tried it again and it worked beautifully. She loved the feel of my hard cock up her ass-and my cock had certainly grown since I was twelve. She took it with great pleasure and excitement. This was just before we were married. We never tried a vaginal fuck because, I think, in the back of our minds we could hear the priest telling us no intercourse before marriage and we avoided cunt-fucking until the wedding night.
"I was very drunk that night. So drunk I can't remember much of what happened. I guess we went up to our room when most of the guests had gone home. I took my clothes off and fell on the bed. My cock was hard and Margherita started nibbling on it. Then she climbed on my cock and shoved it up her cunt. I must have grabbed her and responded, because she said I did it with great emotion and feeling. We rolled over and over on the bed until I had pumped a huge load into her pussy.
"It was more than a month after we were married that she began to want a vaginal fuck. I was giving ... it to her in the ass almost every night, but I noticed her growing more and more dissatisfied. I would eat her pussy till she was ready to faint. I would lick her ass and fuck her with my tongue. I would let her suck me off any time she wanted. But I didn't want to fuck her in her cunt.
"We tried it and it didn't work. I could not stay hard. So we went back to anal intercourse. It seemed, however, that all of the excitement and enthusiasm evident in our sex life before we were married had disappeared. I grew very uncomfortable. Then she started telling me I was not a complete man, that I was sick in my mind. Nonetheless, I believed she loved me as I loved her. It was that I just couldn't satisfy her any longer.
"I became very distressed. Rita was too old, she could not take it any longer. Margherita was so very disappointed in me. Masturbation was not helping much, either. I would take walks to the hill, sometimes hoping I would meet Maria by the water, or someone like her. I needed to fuck women in the ass, but I had none to fuck. I was so desperate I thought of taking my brothers' wives and ass-fucking them.
"Margherita finally told me one day that she wanted to have a child. I did too, very badly. I was a young man with a successful farm. I would love to have children roaming the fields, as I had done with my brothers for so many years. The thought of making a baby did get me sufficiently hard one more time in order to fuck Margherita in the cunt. She sucked my cock till it was very stiff and then I shoved it in her. I thought of her ass, pretending that I was fucking her asshole, and then I shot off. But there was no baby.
"I couldn't do it again and we grew further and further apart. I was uneasy being near her, so Rita and my father wondered what was wrong. I think perhaps Rita knew, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone about it. Often I went into Naples to search for a girl, any girl, who would be willing to take my huge cock up her ass. It happened frequently that I ran into a girl who told me she would do it, only to turn me down at the last moment. They seemed to be afraid of the size of my cock-those prick-teasing bitches, telling me that I would tear their assholes to bits with my raging hard on.
"I began to drink heavily, becoming impossible to live with. Finally, I found one whore in town who loved to get my big, hard cock shoved up her ass; we saw each other every weekend. I would slip my cock up her ass and fuck the living daylight out of her. I would come in great spurts and, right away, we would start all over again. We did it just about everywhere. I fucked her standing up, sitting down, on our sides-every way short of standing on our heads. She did not charge much, and I enjoyed her ass.
"Then Margherita found out and called the parish priest, who in turn gave me the usual lecture about the sins of the flesh. I told him my wife had made a mistake, that I didn't do the things she accused me of. Anyway, the whole thing became ridiculous. I wanted to ass-fuck, and my wife refused me. I left the farm soon after, and have not yet decided whether I shall return.
"I have been living in Rome now for almost seven months. I work wherever I find it, but I am not happy. I have relatives here, but I do not want them to see me. With no education, it's difficult to get a good job. I see Frederico-he alone knows where I am-and he gives me money and tells me he loves me. I am still his little brother. And women want me, usually older women. Although I am strong, young and handsome, I can't give them what they want, being afraid to even try as much as I would like to. Frederico tells me Margherita waits for me still. I want to return to her, but only when I can satisfy her.
"I must tell you what brought me to you and made me spill out this long story. Last week I got a little drunk. I was walking down near the Via Barberini when I saw a very young girl who appeared to be in her teens, standing in a doorway. Standing with her ass to me. I could see she was wearing a very short skirt. As she looked over her shoulder, she smiled very seductively. I stopped, my cock began to harden in my pants as I watched her pull her skirt up just enough for me to see the crack of her ass.
"She walked in the door and left it open. I followed her up the stairs to a small room with only a bed and table on which a candle was burning. She lay on the bed with her face down. After closing the door, I lifted her skirt so I could see her ass.
"It was flawless, shapely, perfect. I bent down and kissed it, massaging it with my hands. Then I undid my pants and let them fall. She watched from the bed and put out her hand. I moved my cock to her palm; her fingers wrapped around it. I shuddered. It felt so good.
"She pointed to a little jar of lubricating cream on the table. I handed it to her and she scooped some of it up with her hand, gently applying it to my cock. She rubbed up and down until my cock was very greasy. Then, she turned and buried her face in the pillows. She spread her legs just slightly and I knew she was ready for my throbbing cock.
"I knelt on the bed and fell on top of her, kissing her hair and neck as I rubbed my cock down the crack and across her asshole. She spread her legs and, with one hand, she gently guided the head of my hard cock to the opening. I braced myself on the bed and looked down between us, watching her hold my shaft as I pushed it into her. She opened up for me immediately, and, with the aid of the cream, I slid into her fully, completely.
"I fucked quickly as I was very excited. I shoved my cock in and out of her ass again and again. She held to the headboard and moaned softly. There was something about her that excited me in a strange way. She felt different from any girl I had ever had before. I hadn't seen her face closely, nor had we even talked. She had her dress on-only her skirt was pulled up over her asshole. It was the strangest situation I had been in, and I found it very stimulating.
"Then I came and her body shot up against mine as rush after rush of hot come filled her rectum. I collapsed against her body and stayed there for at least ten minutes, as my cock softened in her asshole. It slipped out with a slurping sound, and I sat up on the bed and let it hang between my legs.
"I turned and rubbed my hands over her ass one more time. She was breathing normally now, but I couldn't take my hands off that beautiful ass! I moved my fingers down between her legs and felt something full and heavy. Then, my head reeled as I realized what had happened! As she turned over, a soft, big cock flopped in front of me. She was a he!
"I sat there in shock as he sat on the bed and smiled at me. Looking closely, I saw that the boy had very pretty, feminine features. His hair was long, as many boys wear it these days. He had makeup on and a dress. What could I say? Still in disbelief, I looked down at his cock. I jumped up and ran out of the building.
"I felt sick. After returning to my room, I fell into a deep sleep, and experienced a nightmare-I fucked my brother in the ass!
"What is happening to me? Was it that I had liked that fuck? It had been a good one, I feel, but I wanted to run from it.
"The next night I went back. The boy was standing in the doorway dressed as a girl. We went to his room, where he took off his dress and wiped the makeup from his face. Again, I fucked him. When it was over, I felt terrible.
"I will go back again, I know, although I really don't want to. I want to return to my Margherita. But I feel afraid of all women now-even afraid of myself."
A nightmare, such as Antonio had, always reveals conflict-a desire, always sexual, and the intense struggle against this tendency. We see that in Antonio's nightmare, as well as in real life, his desires only knew gratification. Normally, the inhibitive force would lead to sublimation. This can fail to occur because either the sexual instincts are too strong for the inhibitors, or the inhibitions, which are formed upon the identifications with the parents, are undeveloped.
Antonio's bisexual desires, reinforced by his brothers' sexual advances, led to the repetition compulsion. Antonio turns this passively experienced event into a pleasurable activity. He is possessed of his activity and unable to drop it, even when he desires to, in order to save his marriage and have children. Thus, we see that he does not lack a heterosexual identification. His hopes lie in this direction, but he is unable to fulfill them.
This identification contains elements belonging to the father's prohibition against incest. But this does not interfere with Antonio's desire for his stepmother. We may assume that this sexual experience with Rita reawakened and intensified the oedipal situation. In the desire for his stepmother, he risked his father's punishment, i.e. the threat of castration. Under normal conditions, the castration complex leads the young man to surmount the oedipal situation, leading to exogamous relations.
But this doesn't happen with Antonio. He regressed to the anal-sadistic level, and, as if in defiance of his father, he fulfilled his incestuous desires. In a symbolical sense, he deposed his father, as did Oedipus, and became King.
The castration complex did not have a normal outcome in this case, but that does not mean that it lost its terrifying aspect. It was just defended against, but instead of repression and sublimation, it had another fate.
We do not know the manifestation of Antonio's ego defenses, only the ramifications of his libido. The anus became the center of libidinal activity for him. As it is possessed by both men and women, Antonio was able to defend against the perception of what the female genital implies in the oedipal situation, namely castration.
It appears that all of Antonio's sexual motivations were in defense against the castration complex, i.e. his homosexual tendencies. Thus, all of his love choices were narcissistic. He chose an object similar to himself because he needed reassurance against castration.
We have seen that Antonio's bisexual energy was never desexualized and his incestuous longing never sublimated. He was unable to come to terms with the female sexual organ. In fact, all his libido was dominated by defense measures to mitigate the threat of castration. His brothers were also regressive in character, and it seems that, by their advances upon Antonio, they predisposed him to aberration. However, this is only an appearance. If Antonio's brother was able to sublimate his homosexual libido, why was Antonio unable to? The answer lies in the fact that Frederico did not have relations with Rita while he was caught in the onslaught of puberty, which awakens the sexual feelings which have been repressed during the latency period. Frederico's intercourse with his stepmother did not have the full symbolical meaning of incest.
It appears that, based on our knowledge gained from our libidinal investigations, Antonio has a tendency to blame others for his deeds. Every experience he has was through the provocation of another. He would have us believe that he was innocent on all these occasions.
First of all, it was his brothers who assaulted him as did Maria and Rita. He is the hero who makes the valiant attempts at hetero-sexuality for his wife, even though he fails. Even with his new homosexual object, he is fooled and remains innocent because he thought he was a she. But the dream reveals to us his true core and feelings, he is a homosexual, because this is needed as a defense against the intense threat of castration provoked by incest. In other words", he has the tendency to project his own guilt onto others. This becomes a major cause in the perpetuation of his aberration, another defense against castration and the realization of his true self.
CHAPTER FOUR: Mei-Ling - Formosa
"Although I'm now thirty years old and married, I should go back to the time I was only seventeen and tell you an experience I had with my girl friend, Lin-Piao. She was pretty and we were very close. You might have called us rebels at that time, because we could not accept all of the teachings and view points of our elders, who were of the old tradition.
"Lin-Piao and I were in Taipei with our families for a youth festival. These were days of dancing, sports and great festivities. We participated in everything we could.
"During this time, there was a boy staying with the neighbors. His name was Ching Yeh. He was about twenty, very handsome, quite tall and strong. On the second day of the festival, he sat near me at a banquet and offered me a flower to wear in my hair. I was certainly attracted to him.
"Lin-Piao had also seen the boy, only her view was much more exciting than mine had been. In the large bathing house one night, she was walking by where the men were bathing. Through the window she clearly saw Ching Yeh, standing naked except for a towel over his shoulders. Later, she was able to describe to me in detail every feature of Ching Yen's body. We became giddy and silly for our minds were filled with visions of this handsome boy.
"We had invented a game of guessing just how big a certain man's organ was, and we often played it using movie stars or people we read about. But there was no need to play this game on Ghing Yeh. Lin-Piao had seen his penis, and she told me it was the biggest one in the world. She could imagine no one bigger.
"One night, when everyone was away at the festival, I went walking toward the bathing house when Ching Yeh came up to me in the yard.
"Why, Mei-Ling, are you not with your parents?"
"I did not feel well and received permission to remain here, as did Lin-Piao."
"He smiled and I sensed he knew I was not telling the truth. I blushed and said, "Yes, I feel fine. We didn't want to go, that's all."
"Ching Yeh began to laugh. "I told my uncle the same thing!"
"That's very funny," I told him, laughing still. Lin-Piao came out into the yard to see who I was talking with. Her eyes flashed with surprise and happiness. I invited Ching Yeh to visit us after I had had my bath and before our parents would return home.
"He accepted, turned, and went back into his uncle's house next door. I walked to the deserted bathing house and quickly stripped off my clothing. I was very well-developed for my age and often I was called beautiful.
"I stepped into the water, which was scented with oils and salts. It was very refreshing and even stimulating. I felt my breasts harden and I touched my fingers to my nipples. A rush of excitement shot through my slender body. I fell back in the water and let my long black hair float freely in the huge tub. I reached down and rubbed my hand between my legs. I thought of the handsome Ching Yeh and what he really looked like naked. I imagined I could see him standing at the edge of the room, near the mats by the door, stark-naked. I saw his long penis hanging in front of him, and, when I beckoned him to join me in the water, he moved slowly towards me, his penis rising and strengthening ...
"Suddenly I became aware of eyes staring at me. I turned and looked at the door. My daydream had come true, although not as vividly as I had hoped. Ching Yeh was standing in the doorway, but he was dressed in a long white robe. I could see through the silken material. His torso was outlined in the dim light, and there was a very dark spot where his torso and legs joined. In the middle of that darkness was a long crease down the front of the robe. I gasped and moved under the water to my neck.
"Mei-Ling, I have come to ask you if you should like me to wash your beautiful hands ... your beautiful shoulders and your lovely back." He did not wait for a reply. He walked to the edge of the pool and bent down, grabbing a bar of soap in his hand.
"I moved slowly in the water and soon I was next to him. He reached down and touched my wet hair and brought some of it to his mouth and kissed it. Then he knelt and rubbed the soap over my arm and shoulder. He rinsed me in the clear water. Then, I stood up, revealing my breasts to him. The water began to steam as the room became cold from the night air-a very romantic scene.
"Won't you join me?" I asked.
"His eyes lit up. He stood up, looked down at me and smiled. Standing there, towering above me he reminded me of a god. And when he pulled his robe over his head, I knew he was a god! Many inches of thick soft cock hung between his legs. Although soft, his cock was as big as any man's erect penis. He stooped down, giving me a long close look at it. I reached out and touched it with my wet fingers.
"Do you like it?" he asked.
"It is most beautiful. I should like to kiss it," I said, holding its head in my fingers.
"I would like that very much," he whispered sensually, putting his hand on my head. Slowly, ever so slowly, he pulled my head to the place between his legs as I held his cock up to face me. I kissed it on the tip, where the opening was, and I felt a surge between my fingers as it began to thicken. I pulled my head back and watched as it doubled in size before my very eyes.
"It was gigantic when it reached its limit. Its head was solid and looked as if it were about to burst. The skin was the softest I had ever felt-it reminded me of a newborn baby's skin. This softness seemed to contrast with the hardness of the penis itself. I was fascinated that something could be so hard and soft at the same time. I tried to wrap my hand around it but I couldn't. I kissed it again and this time opened my lips enough to take in the head, sucking gently. I felt no revulsion to do this for him. We were taught the ways of making love to men when still young. It is a beautiful and great thing to be able to give the male pleasure, and one of the highest pleasures is to take his organ in your mouth.
"I felt the heavy rolling sac hanging almost to the ground as he squatted near the side of the tub. His cock bounced upward as I pulled my lips from it. He slipped into the water, with my arm still between his legs. I rubbed his balls as he placed his arms around my shoulders. Bringing my hand up, I took the end of his enormous penis and squeezed it tightly. He groaned a sigh of pleasure and kissed me gently on the cheek.
"Then he took my breasts in his hands and felt them, rubbing them, pinching the nipples. He bent down and sucked one into his mouth, and then the other. They were hard as rocks, tingling. When he stood up, I let go of his cock and it sprang up between us. He pressed his body to mine. I shook at the idea of that huge battering ram entering my body.
"He placed his penis between my legs and I held tight to him, bounding on it. The tip stuck out so far between the cheeks of my ass that I could reach down behind me and fondle it. I felt as if I were sitting on a hard piece of wood! It was an amazing feeling. My pussy quivered as the cock touched its lips. But the electric feeling came from my asshole.
"My anus had always been a place of great sexual stimulation for me, but I had never had anything enter it other than my finger. I had heard stories-so had Lin-Piao-of girls who put various instruments up their rectums. We heard of the pleasures of anal intercourse, but I had never tried such things.
"However, my curiosity was intense. I wondered what it would be like to take a man up my anus, and when I masturbated, I often thought of this. It always made my climax much more intense. Lin-Piao had once watched her parents in the midst of anal intercourse and had related that the look in her mother's eyes while her father was fucking her in the ass was one of absolute pleasure. This thought remained in my mind.
"Suddenly, when his huge cock touched the opening of my ass, I knew that I wanted it there. But I could not tell him this. He would determine what it was that we would do, what kind of sexual encounter we would have, and I would obey. I was under his power romantically, too. He was so beautiful I think I would have done anything he asked. If he wanted me to suck his ass, I would do it. If he wanted to fuck me, my body was his. And if he wanted to put his long cock up my virgin anus, that would be even better.
"Mei-Ling, you are beautiful! I would like you to get out of the water so I can look at you in the light."
"I climbed out of the tub and stood looking down at him. My long black hair was covering most of my breasts and I pulled it back so he could see them. I spread my legs so he could see the fullness of the lips of my young pussy.
"The water churned in front of him as his hand roughly pumped on his cock. I smiled down, and he motioned for me to turn around. I did so, showing him the smoothness of my buttocks. The water, still dripping off my body, looked like golden drops of honey in the soft light.
"Mei-Ling, please bend over. I wish to see between your lovely ass cheeks."
"I obeyed, and spread the cheeks of my ass before his gaze. I heard him getting out of the water, and I started to get up, but he called to me to remain as I was. In a moment he was kneeling behind me and I felt his breathing near the opening that was spread in front of his eyes.
"I gasped as his tongue lightly circled the opening to my anus. He didn't actually touch the hole, just around it. He licked and tickled me with his tongue and lips. He covered my ass with kisses and then finally moved his lips to the center and roughly pushed his tongue directly into the opening. The lips parted just a bit before the unexpected invader, and I gasped in absolute delight. I had never felt anything more exciting!
"He began to suck on my asshole until I thought I was going to fall over into the water. His tongue darted in and out of my asshole and he sucked on it with all his might and power. Finally, he pulled back and stood up. The tip of his cock now rested where his lips had been. Telling me to stand up, he held his gigantic organ with one hand while the other reached around me and grasped my breasts, fondling them and rolling the nipples with his fingers.
"You have never had a man in your anal channel, have you?" he asked, wriggling his cock between the cheeks of my ass.
"No," I replied in a sensuous whisper. The feel of his hard cock there was pushing me to the stars.
"You would like a man to make love to you there, wouldn't you, Mei-Ling?"
"Oh yes, Ching Yeh, yes."
"You would like it to be me, yes?"
"Oh yes, Ching Yeh, I would be honored. You have the body of a god."
"Then he turned me around and looked into my eyes. "Will you come into the water once again with me, my beautiful flower?"
"I will obey any wish," I said, and I meant it. I had consented; I had given myself. I had to obey his every wish.
"We returned to the warmth of the water and he held me tight to his body. His cock was still rigid, pressing against my soft skin. I did not know what position he wanted me to take-in fact I did not know if he meant that we were to do it there in the water or not. But I soon was instructed.
"Ching Yeh asked me to lean against the side of the tub, with my back to him. "Let your body rest against the side, hold to the top with your arms. You must not fight me even if I cause you pain."
"Oh yes. I do not care if it hurts. I want you to love me ... " I could think of nothing but what it was going to feel like. I was anticipating the greatest thrill of my life.
"Mei-Ling, beautiful flower, it will hurt you at first. But the pain will soon subside. The warmth of the water will soothe you, and the warmth of our love will encase us in joy. I want to put my semen into your body, deposit it into such a thing of exquisite beauty. I will be the first to put it in your beautiful tight anal love-canal."
"There were no more words to be said. He placed the head of his giant penis directly against the opening of my asshole. I spread my legs wide and rubbed against the side of the tub. He steadied himself on the floor of the tub and pressed his loins forward. It would not enter.
"Mei-Ling, spread your legs a bit more. Now breathe deeply and evenly as you do in meditations. Now I will enter you."
"He pushed with such masculine might that I feared I would break open. It seemed that my entire backside was split, burning, opening in the wake of his huge, driving penis. He pushed it into me, stopping about halfway. I screamed in pain-I hated myself for doing so because I had promised him not to. But then it subsided and I regained control. As the room came back into focus, I suddenly began to feel a sense of incredible pleasure lifting my spirits and physical excitement. I had never felt anything like it-it was better than I had ever imagined it could be.
"He placed his hands on my shoulders as he pushed inch after inch of mammoth cock into my asshole. I moaned for it was both pleasurable and painful.
"Sweet flower, I love you. I am going to fuck you here in this water, fuck you till my balls explode with their gift, fuck you until I shoot my juice deep within your body." He pressed forward and pushed another inch into me.
"Again, the room started to spin. "Ching Yeh, it is too big, I cannot take it!" I protested in a small voice, for I had little breath. I was sure he would never be able to get the entire length of his cock into me, but I could feel it deep in my belly already. Yet, I wanted every inch of it in there.
"You will take it all ... you will be fucked by it all."
"When he gave the last final shove, my body slammed against the wall of the tub. I slipped and thought I was drowning, although my head and arms were above the water. I was drowning in a sea of pleasure! He held me up, for I had gone limp, as his cock pulsated deep within my virgin asshole. I could feel him in there-it was a most amazing sensation. I reached down, still feeling dizzy, and felt his balls and then the base of his cock. I rubbed my fingers over the stretched lips of my asshole, now spread so far apart to hold his organ between them. I was amazed, truly amazed.
"Then I placed my hand back on his balls as he rubbed my breasts with one hand and played with my pussy with the other. His fingers pushed the lips apart and his hand finally worked itself deep in my vagina. I felt like I was being fucked by two male organs at once.
"Finally, he began to move out of me. I thought he was pulling all the way out because he kept moving back, but he only went until the tip of his cock was still in. It was so huge-it seemed at that moment longer than before. When he pushed it back in, I thought it took actual minutes to get it all the way up my ass. The opening of my anal canal ached and was red with pain. But the pain was only a prelude to pleasure as I began to feel more excited with each stroke. He pulled it out of me with a fast movement and shoved back in just as quickly. He was manly now, forcing his long, thick cock up my ass, invading it like a battering ram against the Great Wall. He rocked his hips back and forth, shouting into the hollowness of the room. His excitement was at its peak and I waited, enthralled, entranced, for him to shoot his virile load into my narrow passage.
"Ching Yeh knew exactly what he was doing. He worked himself into a rhythm of pushing and pulling, and at the same time his hands were rubbing me in the right places, keeping me so stimulated that I was almost on the brink of orgasm. I now was enjoying every moment of what was happening to my asshole. He professed his love for me and told me again and again how it would feel when he came. I waited for that moment like I had never waited before. I was about to experience something new in my life, which was a very special event for any girl.
"Then I knew he was ready. His strokes were so rapid that I didn't know whether he was shoving it in or withdrawing. My asshole was in ecstasy-and ecstasy of constant moving friction.
"Mei-Ling, Mei-Ling ... I am coming! I am coming!' he shouted over and over so loud I think the heavens must have heard him. He held tight to my shoulders and then slammed his chest against my back and moaned, almost cried. It was happening!
"I felt a great heat inside me as his cock jumped and leaped in its orgasm. I nearly fainted-from the feeling and the realization of what was happening. Everything--the festival, my parents, my masturbating, my dream of seeing Ching Yeh naked-flashed through my mind. Then I rested my head back on his shoulder as he calmed down, still holding his rigid cock in my asshole.
"Look, Mei-Ling," he said a moment later. I turned my head to one side and looked at the White swirls of creamy matter were rising next to us, floating at the top of the water.
"I am losing your gift!" I said in alarm.
"No, there is plenty in there and it will remain there," he said gently.
"It is a beautiful liquid, so white, so pure. I should like to take it into my mouth sometime."
"You shall, you shall," he said and kissed me softly. Then he pulled back and his cock slipped out of me and a great amount of his young semen rose between us.
"I turned around and cleansed his softening cock with the scented soap bar. Then we got out of the tub and dried ourselves. We wanted to remain naked and run across the yard, but it was too cold. We dressed quickly and dashed out into the night air. When we reached the little building where Lin-Piao was waiting, we became excited again. She sat naked on one of the little mats in the corner of the room. Incense burned in a dish next to her.
"I watched you," Lin-Piao confessed softly, "from the window of the bathing house. I want to be loved in that way too. Please, I ask with honor. Please?"
"I looked at Ching Yeh. We were startled at first, but in a moment he had drawn his robe over his head and was standing, facing Lin-Piao with his hand on his already hardening cock. I knew the night was not over yet."
In the first and second chapters of this book, we dealt with the anal experiences of women, drawing particular attention to the organless stage in the development of female sexuality. At this time in her life, a girl experiences a genital trauma, which consists of two primary components.
First there is the feeling of inferiority in reference to the superior size and ability of the male sexual organ to release built-up aggressions of a sexual nature. This stage in the psychosexual development of a woman is known as penis envy.
Secondly, the other component of the trauma consists in the innate anatomical disposition of the female. At this time, she discredits her clitoris and awaits for her vagina to be penetrated by the male before it can become the center of her sexuality. During this period, the young girl is organless, and regresses to the earlier anal and oral stages of maturation. This regressive phase is broken once her vagina becomes her genital organ.
She remains in this organless state until the latency period is broken by the overwhelming tides of sexuality during puberty.
The beginning of the menstrual cycle complicates matters even further. For when the young woman begins to menstruate, the genital trauma is reactivated. Again she lacks an organ to discharge this sexual buildup as the male can. Thus, she now anxiously awaits penetration that will nudge her into womanhood.
At the same time, her aggressions undergo a transformation. They are actively directed inward, in psychical conjunction with the actively directed function of her .anatomical structure. This series of events result in the passive and masochistic characterology of the normal woman.
There is no doubt that, so far in Mei-Ling's story, both she and her girl friend are normal youths. We notice a strong flavor of narcissism in their attitudes. For instance, Mei-Ling relates to us that she is very beautiful, and in similar statements she lets us know that she is quite concerned with the excellence of her own body. Again, this is also a normal reaction. The intensified narcissism during this period helps compensate for the castration anxiety of the genital trauma. This narcissism is also a help and a compensation in overcoming her natural passive-masochistic tendencies. If the young girl did not manifest this intensification of narcissism, she would be overwhelmed by numerous identifications which are so characteristic of both sexes during this influential period of life. Thus, narcissism is a defense against the intense identifications of childhood adolescence, especially with the mother, and in this respect strengthens the ego in order to help form a more balanced personality.
In reference to the great importance of the interplay between narcissism and passive-masochism Helene Deutsch writes in The Psychology of Women:
In our opinion, the intensification or preservation of the narcissism that was strengthened during adolescence results from a conflict between definite sexual tendencies and that part of the ego which expresses the instinct of self-preservation. Since the sexual tendencies of woman are directed towards goals that are dangerous for her ego, the latter defends itself and strengthens its inner security by intensifying its self-love, which then manifests itself as "narcissism." Woman's sexual goals are dangerous for her ego because they are masochistic in character, and the riddle of feminine narcissism can be solved only if we understand feminine masochism, the aggressor in the inner conflict. In all situations marked by intensified masochistic tendencies, the narcissistic protective reaction seems to come into play.
We can find two points in the case of Mei-Ling which can be considered abnormal in our Western culture. The first is her relationship with her girl friend, which develops in an atmosphere of homosexual elements. And secondly, her intense anal eroticism.
In reference to the former, it is worth mentioning that during the prepuberty stage of development, also a deeply important stage in the life of a woman, she is occupied with her best friend relationships. This serves the purpose of freeing the young girl from her mother-attachment and helps her prepare for womanhood.
Usually, with the approach of puberty, this type of friendship is dissolved and the young girl renounces her homosexual attachments in favor of a heterosexual relationship. We seem to be witnessing this process in the activities of our case, but we must remember that Mei-Ling is seventeen years old, four or five years behind the age at which we would expect this change to take place.
It is of interest to mention that every case of homosexuality in a female finds its roots in the inability to renounce the mother, and is thereby the result of a fixation at the regressive level of the mother-child relationship.
The sexual significance of the anal stage should have been overcome with the first penetration by the male organ of the vagina. But this failed to occur in both of our girls. Thus we see that they are not ready to accept their femininity to the fullest degree.
In the first chapter, we mentioned that sexual aberration is related to the separation of affection and sexual pleasure. By no means do we mean to contradict this statement. But in the female the reproductive function also is innately tied into the sexual function.
With reference to the special function of womanhood, Helene Deutsch says, "For the normal, healthy woman coitus psychologically represents the first act of motherhood."
Even with the heightened narcissism of Mei-Ling, she is still quite concerned with the pleasure of her partner. Here we notice the beginning of her blossoming womanhood.
The regressive features of her homosexual attachment of Lin-Piao are also beginning to dissolve. We can assume this, because there seems to be a competition for the love and affection of Ching Yeh. This competition is a prototype, and necessary for dissolving the too intimate relationship between the girls. However, since we have no knowledge about Mei-Ling's age at menstrual onset, we cannot say for sure whether her psychological development is too late. Also, we must not forget that in her society, the concept of child-woman is considered sexually attractive.
"Lin-Piao sat on the mats, waiting, watching. I took my clothing off and stood next to Ching Yeh, watching him play with his cock. Then he sat on the floor and smiled at both of us.
"It is difficult, even for someone as young and strong as I am, to get another erection strong enough to fuck two virgin girls in the ass in such a short time. I need a few minutes rest. But you both may work on me to help me."
"I knelt near him and took his cock in my hands. He flopped back on the floor and spread his body wide. He closed his eyes, ready for our lovemaking, ready for our touches of hands and mouth which would return all his power. His penis became stiff, but not as rigid as it had been.
"I moved my lips to the tip and took it. I ran my tongue down the little crack in the end, tasting just a little drop of his semen. Then I nibbled there, under the heavy rounded tip, and I felt it surge in my lips as it got harder.
"I became aware of Lin-Piao's lips near mine and I saw that she was licking his testicles. They rolled under her caresses and moved with a force all their own. She sucked one into her mouth and then did the same to the other. Ching Yeh uttered a low groan of pleasure. I took as much of his huge cock into my lips as possible.
"I worked up and down on his long shaft as Lin-Piao ran her hand up and down the smooth skin of the part not in my mouth. She stroked him with vigor as my head bounced above. As she played with his big balls, he moved his legs about on the floor. He was wracked with pleasure and I was suddenly afraid that he would not fuck Lin-Piao in the ass, but would shoot his load in my mouth. I would have liked that, but I knew that Lin-Piao was very eager to experience anal intercourse. And she was ready.
"I stopped sucking and Lin-Piao took over. Ching Yeh moved his hand up; he grasped our swinging breasts, and fondled them. Then we began to move and roll across the floor together. All three of us grasped and hugged and kissed and licked at each other's bodies. Ching Yeh's cock was against my breasts as I took Lin-Piao's nipple in my mouth, then I had my face in his ass, while his lips fitted themselves over Lin-Piao's wet pussy. It was very exciting and stimulated us even more.
"Then it was time. "We must hurry, our parents will be returning soon," Ching Yeh said. He asked me to watch and do whatever I cared to help excite them. Then he told Lin-Piao to lay down on the floor. She did. He knelt beside her. Bending down between her legs, he kissed her asshole. I shivered as I recalled how I had felt in the bathing house.
"Suddenly, Ching Yeh stopped and looked up. "I would like to try something different, please," he said. I wondered what he meant.
"Lin-Piao, please turn over."
"Yes, Ching Yeh," she responded, lying on her back.
"Now, Mei-Ling, please kneel above Lin Piao's head so you can hold her feet above her face."
"I moved into a kneeling position behind Lin Piao's head and, when Ching Yeh lifted her feet over her head, I grabbed and held them there. Her pussy was spread open before him, and, even more important to the situation, her asshole was open and ready.
"Ching Yeh moved his hard cock to the anal opening. He saw that there was not enough lubricant there, so he applied more saliva with his tongue, causing Lin-Piao to gasp in pleasure.
"Oh, Ching Yeh, I have never felt such ecstasy!" she said.
"Wait, my flower, you will soon see what it is to experience ecstasy."
"He placed his cock to her asshole and pressed it there with his fingers. Then he pushed, holding it firmly with his fingertips until the head had nestled its way into her grasping, clinging anus.
"Oh, Mei-Ling, it is so big! I cannot take it!" Lin-Piao shouted up at me. I was kneeling almost directly over her face and I looked down to see her eyes looking up at me just under my pussy.
"Nonsense, Lin-Piao, I thought the same thing. You will see how beautiful it will be!"
"Then Ching Yeh looked up at me and smiled. He removed his hand from his cock and braced himself on the floor. He began to slide his long penis into her hot virgin asshole. I watched as the ass muscles opened to receive the incredible visitor.
"I felt a tingling in my pussy and I knew I had to put my hand in there, but at the same time I realized I had to hold tight to Lin-Piao's legs. "Lin-Piao, please, rub my pussy, please," I whispered. She did so without even realizing it I think. She was in another world-that same world of pain and pleasure I had been in only a few minutes earlier. She rubbed my pussy automatically, feeling nothing other than the marvelous sensations emanating from her anus.
"I felt her fingers tickling my little bud and I started to shake and wriggle. Ching Yeh watched happily, which gave him more stimulation. He was sliding his cock into Lin-Piao's asshole very slowly as she gasped for breath.
"Then the fingers in my cunt moved around some more, and my fluids began to run down her arm. I shook violently as I climaxed from the feeling of her hands, from Ching Yeh's gaze, and from the awesome sight of his cock being slowly buried in her asshole. I sat back on my heels, cradling Lin-Piao's head in my legs, and watched in pleasure and satisfaction.
"How do you feel, Lin-Piao?" Ching Yeh asked with a grin. He seemed to be enjoying himself. When he was with me he was different-he was passionate, loving. With Lin-Piao he seemed to be having fun rather than to be sharing an emotional satisfaction with her. This pleased me. It made me feel special.
"Finally, Lin-Piao answered him. "O Ching Yeh, it hurts so very much! But I will not shout. I will endure ... I will not shout ... "
"Suddenly Ching Yeh lunged forward with one powerful thrust and Lin-Piao's eyeballs seemed to bulge out of her head! "Eeeee! Oh! I am dying!" she shouted, louder than I could possibly have called out. I had to suppress a laugh. She was always too sure of herself.
"But then the mood changed as Ching Yeh really began to give her what she wanted to receive and what he, as a man, needed to give. He pulled his enormous cock from her asshole until I could see the rigid tip. Then he slammed it all the way into her again, as he started his rhythmic movements.
"He bent his head down and bit her nipples and licked between her breasts. She had one hand stuffed in her pussy, while all the time she moaned and cried with little sounds in the back of her throat. She kept her eyes closed; her body was often wracked by spasms. I knew she was enjoying it, and I was happy that she was receiving pleasure. She was my friend and I loved her dearly. If he had been my husband I would have shared her with him.
"Oh, Ching Yeh, you are so big!"
"I'm going to fill your ass with my come."
"Oh, Ching Yeh, your cock is so huge! You are splitting me in two!"
"Do you want my come? Do you your ass?"
"She reeled her head from side to side, calling out, "Oh yes, please, please, come in me!"
"Come in you where?" Ching Yeh asked, tempting her, teasing her, drawing her to the finish.
"In my asshole! In my burning asshole!"
"I shall drown you with my come! I will drown you!"
"I could hardly control my excitement. I pressed my cunt lips against Lin-Piao's head as I heard their voices. What they were saying excited me, for it was rare that I heard such talk, such language. I loved it and I hoped they would not stop.
"I am nearing it, I am coming near. Mei-Ling, tell me you want to come in Lin-Piao's asshole just like I came in yours. Tell me!"
"I could hardly get the words out. "Oh yes, my dear Ching Yeh, fill her with your white cream, fill her from that beautiful cock!"
"Please! Please!" Lin-Piao begged from the ground. She kicked her legs, but I held tight. She worked her hand in and out of her pussy as Ching Yeh's hips moved up and down, slamming in and out of her tight little ass. His balls flopped against her flesh with a soft thud.
"I'm coming, Lin-Piao! You will feel it!" he shouted. There was a scowl on his face which told me he was really going to reach an orgasm.
"Yes, yes," she gurgled.
"Then it hit and I watched it through blurred eyes. Ching Yen's entire body jolted and shook as he wildly pumped Lin-Piao's asshole full of his juices. She didn't say a word. She just took it, felt it, embraced the moment. I knew how she felt-hot, full, complete--and I shared in her ultimate joy.
"Ching Yeh pumped his hips for just a few more moments and then his entire body collapsed on top of Lin-Piao. I dropped her feet and they thumped to the ground. She was completely relaxed, loving the moment, feeling it with every fiber of her body. Her asshole was overflowing with thick, white come for the first time in her life. The thrill was unbelievable for her.
"Oh, Mei-Ling, Ching Yeh, I am very pleased," Lin-Piao said, and then began to giggle. She was evidently very, very happy. I sat next to her as Ching Yeh pulled his long, softening penis from her anal canal. When the head popped out, a trickle of semen followed it and bubbled there. Lin-Piao rolled over on the floor so Ching Yeh could lay between us. I joined them and the three of us lay there breathing normally as we relaxed after the strenuous and exciting affair.
"Ching Yeh left a little while later and soon after he had gone, our parents returned. By that time, Lin-Piao and I were pretending to be sound asleep. I heard my mother bend down on the mat next to me and ask if I were feeling better.
"I am fine, just fine."
"Yes, it was good for you to rest," she whispered, patting me on the head.
"I woke in the middle of the night to find that my ass cheeks felt wet. I reached down behind and realized that some of Ching Yen's come was still running out of my now-relaxed anal canal. I slid my finger in easily because of the semen still in me, and finger-fucked myself with my right hand while my other hand worked inside my pussy. I had to be quiet so as not to disturb Lin-Piao, but it was difficult.
"I kept thinking of Ching Yeh's beautiful hard cock sliding in and out of my asshole in the water, of Ching Yeh's penis pounding into my friend. I came easily, with great emotional satisfaction. I learned the next day that Ching Yeh could not sleep either. He told me he had gotten up in the night and played with himself till he had an erection. Then, thinking of fucking my asshole, he pumped his cock until he reached an orgasm.
"I had hoped to be fucked by Ching Yeh at least one more time before we were to return to our village, but to our sadness we were not able. Our parents were always nearby; then the festival came to a close. I was in a great depression for weeks afterward. I missed the beautiful, handsome boy who had taken my anal virginity. I missed him greatly.
"Then, another year later, as was the custom for centuries, I was to be wed to a nice boy, whom I liked but whom I did not love. The marriage day drew near, just as an unfortunate accident happened. My betrothed was killed in a fire in the factory in which he worked. It was another two years later that marriage was again suggested for me. I was certainly "old" by ancient traditional standards, and I was fearing a life without a husband.
"I had seen Ching Yeh a few times over the years at each time we had professed our love for one another. Ching Yeh and I presented our desires to our parents, who finally consented to the match. There was a great wedding feast and celebration. Ching Yeh and I were married on a beautiful winter day when the sky was clear and the wind crisp.
"We have, in our years together, made love in every way and fashion. We have had children and we have great love for them. I cannot wait for my daughters to grow up. I want to tell them of the joys of anal intercourse, so they will have open minds and will be able to experience the wonder and excitement I first experienced that day in the bathing house.
"You see, anal intercourse still remains our favorite way of making love. There is nothing in the world so exciting for me as the feel of Ching Yeh's huge penis up my asshole. And he tells me the greatest joy for him is the knowledge that he is flooding my rectum with his come."
The prognosis for Mei-Ling is quite favorable. Even though she derives pleasure from anal intercourse, this has not destroyed her enjoyment of vaginal coitus.
There can be no better testimony to the health of Mei-Ling than the fact that she is a proud mother and a happily married woman who is devoted to her husband.
CHAPTER FIVE: Denholm-Australia
"I'll bet you think of Australia and kangaroos come to your mind, right? Koala bears? They're here, all right, and they're part of it, but there's another part of Australia which people seem to know little about: the people!
"We're stuck here on the other bloody side of the earth, so I guess it is easy to understand. I'm going to tell you a little bit about the people-the young people, like myself, and the people I know. I think we're very hip, free spirited, and much less stuffy than our parents and most other adults.
"I'm twenty-three and I dig the music of Rod Stewart, Cat Stevens and Lana Cantrell. I also love American pizza. My hair is long and I'm quite good looking. As a musician, I spend most of my time writing songs and playing with a group. I take life easy, but my biggest thrill is fucking an asshole. I dig girls but I guess I should say I'm bisexual, because I don't mind fucking a guy's ass every now and then.
"Take yesterday for example. I had just finished doing a recording session when I met this good-looking young chick outside the studio. She turned me on with her big smile. I looked down at her legs and her ass--shapely, meaty, sharp. I wanted her.
"She was wearing tight hot-pants that covered her buttocks firmly. Her nipples were pointing out of the little sweater she was wearing-I felt weak in the knees. It had been one hell of a recording session, and I needed something to relax me, to take the built-up energy out of me. I started thinking how nice it would be to spend the night with her.
"Hi," she said. The way she said it, the way she looked at me ... well, I knew she wanted the same thing I did. Girls like her were always hanging around rock singers, around the studio and the concert halls. It was a great phenomenon of those times, the groupie. On nights like that one I was thankful for them.
"How'd you like to come up to my place?" I asked her.
"You're Denholm R--, aren't you? You wrote "Wandering Fool," didn't you?" She had a high, clear voice. I liked her.
"Ja, that's me. And I'd kinda like to fuck your little bum." I believe in being honest and straightforward with people. No bullshit. Too many people in this world are full of bullshit, games and the like. If everyone would just be less up-tight about sex, things would be a lot better.
"Her name was Sheila and she told me she was supposed to stop at some friend's house, but had been waiting outside the studio just in case.
"What if we stop there for a bit, then go on up to my place?" I asked.
"That sounds fine. You'll dig my friend Bill, he's a swinger. He's beautiful too, almost too much so!"
"I grabbed her hand and we walked up the street. Once we had turned the corner, I reached down and grabbed the cheek of her ass. She smiled.
"You never said yes," I said.
"Yes to what?"
"An ass-fuck!"
"She grinned. "Anything you want, baby." I slapped her ass and we walked up the street. I was getting excited just thinking about it. She looked down the crease in the front of my jeans and giggled. "This is gonna be great!" she said, anticipating the size of my cock.
"We rang Bill's doorbell and a good-looking kid came to the door dressed only in a pair of faded jeans, with only one button on the crotch buttoned. I could see the hairs above his cock through the opening. Sheila introduced us, and Bill smiled at me and turned around to get some grass. I saw that the jeans fit tightly over his ass and thought to myself, I wouldn't mind fucking his asshole either!
"We sat on pillows on the living room floor, and smoked a joint. Then Sheila asked Bill if he had gotten the film yet.
"What film?" I asked.
"Some erotica we made," Sheila replied. "That's what I do, besides go to college. I'm a photographer."
"Far out," I said, putting one arm around Sheila. She nestled her head between my shoulder and neck, and asked Bill to show the film. He pulled a screen down from the ceiling, got the projector and loaded it.
"While he did that, Sheila and I were rolling around on the floor, feeling every inch of each other's bodies. She had nice, hard tits, the kind a guy likes to suck on for hours. Her pussy was soft and hairy, as I soon discovered as she pulled her hot-pants to her knees. And her ass-a beautiful ass. I turned her over and kissed it hard right smack between the cheeks. She moaned and Bill looked at us and said, "Man, that's the place to really turn her on. Hey, why don't both of you take off your clothes. It's the best way to watch this flick."
"Good idea," Sheila said, pulling her sweater over her head. I stood up and took off my shirt and shoes. Sheila, at my feet, pulled my socks off and then I opened my pants. Bill watched as I dropped them to the floor and stood bare-assed in the middle of the room. My cock was hard, and Sheila immediately slammed her mouth down over it, sucking like an expert.
"I stood there, very excited by the feel of her lips, and was quite turned on because of Bill watching us. He stopped threading the projector for a moment as he looked into my eyes and then down at the beautiful girl working desperately on my cock. I saw his cock getting hard in his pants and in a moment he opened the button, and let them fall to his knees. He had a huge cock, bigger than mine, and he grasped it in his hand and held it there.
"Sheila sure knew what she was doing. She turned profile so Bill could watch what she was doing. My balls shook up and down as she slid her mouth up and down the length of my hard cock. Bill walked toward us and knelt down just a foot from me. He watched closely as Sheila performed.
"I looked down to see that Bill was beating his cock furiously. I was carried away with excitement.
"Then he moved behind me and I instinctively spread my legs, knowing that Bill was going to do something to increase my excitement. I hoped he wasn't going to try to put his dick up my ass, because I don't dig that. But against my cunt. Each stroke jostled my inner organs and sent tremors of excitement through my whole body. Every nerve seemed to be on edge. Every part of me had come alive. As he plunged his prick into me with increasing force, my gentle sighs turned to uncontrollable moans. I was where I wanted-to be, on a lovely plateau of pure pleasure.
"He kept right on stroking my cunt, especially my clit as he fucked me, his fingers moving in the same furious rhythm as his prick. Fuck me in the ass, fuck me in the ass, a voice in my mind cried out. I wouldn't have dared say words such as these out loud, but the words echoed in my mind nonetheless. Fuck me in the ass!
"He did, as though he'd heard the words of my inner mind. He pierced me with knife-like sharpness, in and out, now swirling his prick around, stimulating that one delicate spot until I could hold out no longer.
"He knew what he was doing to me and let himself go at the very moment my own spasms began. My ass gripped at his prick which sprang into me, its energy surging forth as the semen raced through its channels to spurt out inside me. I shuddered underneath him and let myself emit one low scream as the pulsations became incredibly intense. The twitches of his cock triggered wave-like undulations of my ass. Yes, that's the way it really was. My ass was coming! It was a fantastic fuck.
"We collapsed together side by side on the bed, my back against him as though I were seated in his lap. He clung to me then again began to caress my tits, my belly, my cunt. He was trying to get me excited again, but I had a hunch he'd want to do something different. I was entirely right.
"After kissing me passionately, he broke away to ask, "Wouldn't you like to try the real thing? We seem great together so far."
"It was marvelous," I said, placing my hand on his semi-erect cock to show my appreciation. "I'm afraid I've had it for tonight, though. Do you mind?"
"He shook his head sweetly. He wasn't the sort of guy to persist and maybe he was tired, too. It had been a magnificent climax for both of us. We had coffee together and talked about casual things. After he'd gone I wished I could have let my hair down and told him about myself, really. At least I could have told him that what he'd done was, for me, "the real thing."
"I guess I'm a pervert, every bit as much of one as my ex. Maybe I could carry some weight around this dumb town if I mentioned that I'd been married to Claude ---, that I was the girl of a thousand faces one saw on the record covers and in the ads. I was afraid of mentioning the name though, because somebody would think, maybe even say, "What? That fag?" And they'd end up feeling sorry for me.
"Besides, Claude wasn't a fag, not anymore. He'd been one, yes, but he was cured at last. He left me, not for a man, but for another woman, one who is, I suppose, more of a woman than me. Once he was ready to give up pretty boys, he was ready to give me up, too.
"Innocent kid that I am, I thought he was perfectly normal when we first started going out. And he was beautiful, built like a Greek statue, with dark, pensive eyes. I idolized him. Since I'd had so little experience with sex, I didn't know to look for the warning signs. When he didn't try to make love to me, I thought it was out of consideration and kindness. I was already tired of New York men who are constantly on the make. I thought that between Claude and me there was something deeper than just sexual attraction.
"He proposed marriage before he'd even taken me to bed. How beautifully old-fashioned, I thought. My girl friends occasionally asked about our sex life and I'd say, "Great! Just great." And when I went home to Charleston and announced to my family that we were engaged, my mother said to me privately, "You haven't ... you know, have you?"
"No, Mama, I haven't," I could say with a clear conscience.
"There had been others, though. When I first went to New York, I hadn't learned that a girl had better say "no" before a guy gets inside her apartment, especially if she doesn't know him very well. So, I got laid a few times. I let it happen passively and didn't enjoy it very much. I couldn't come and that began to bother me. Then there was one nice guy, Harold, who let his foreplay go on so long that my cunt exploded in one fantastic orgasm while he fingered my clit.
"I was ashamed of myself. That wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. Harold kept doing it again and again, driving me to the wildest ecstasies with the mere touch of his finger. He'd do it in taxicabs, in apartment building halls, and even once when we were in the shower together. If it was a more or less public place, I'd have to bury my head against his chest to keep from screaming. Afterwards, though, I'd feel as though I'd done something naughty. Harold inserted his cock in my pussy now and then, but I couldn't feel anything unless he played with my clit at the same time.
"What's wrong with me?" I wondered. "Is my cunt incomplete or something? Am I more masculine than feminine?"
"Claude got heavier and heavier in love making before we got married, I guess, to make sure I wouldn't change my mind. Once we lay together admiring each other's bodies for a long time, then he played with my cunt with his fingers. The familiar rush of warmth rose inside me. I tried to stop myself, but I couldn't. I was coming, just the way I had with Harold, the sensations from my clitoris sending electric shocks up my spine. It was beautiful, that first orgasm with Claude, but afterwards I cried. He took me to see him stick it up her asshole. But he didn't! Instead, he spread her ass cheeks (with the aid of her own hands) and aimed the tip of his cock directly at the pink little hole. Then he shot a load of come onto her asshole like I've never seen! It filled her ass cheeks and ran down over her cunt. She cried and yelled and banged her feet on the ground. I could imagine how hot and exciting it must have felt!
"Then he let his cock go and he pushed some of the semen into her hole with his finger, giving her a good finger-fuck. Just as I thought it was almost over, he took his still hard cock and placed it right to her ass. The camera came in close just as the lips of her anus parted to receive the member. His cock sank into her with the lubrication of its own come! Was I ever amazed! This kid was going to fuck her right after coming, using his own come as a lubricant!
"And fuck her ass he did. He rammed his cock in and out of her until I thought I was going to come myself. Sheila was rubbing my cock so hard I had to have her stop. I couldn't stand it any longer. The sight of the kid fucking the woman's ass, and the feel of Sheila's hand was too much. I wanted to save my come for her asshole.
"The camera came in under the kid's flopping balls. They seemed to swell with his orgasm, and when he hit, I thought his entire body had been forced up the woman's asshole. He slammed her into the ground and kicked his legs high. The come floated from her ass opening as he pumped spurt after spurt into her. Then he pulled out and crawled up over her back. The camera came in close to show the last drippings of come from his softening cockhead, and the last gush of warm come from her asshole. Then, Gar got up and smiled, picked up his underpants, and carried them into the house, over his shoulder, as the woman lay panting in pleasure on the ground.
"Bill got up and clicked on the lights. "Wow, that was fantastic! I'd like to stick some rock score behind it, to add to the excitement," I said.
"Yeh, Den, why don't you? I was just going to put any old album behind it. But if you have something written, it would be great."
"However, there was something more important which had to be taken care of right then and there-mine and Bill's cock, and Sheila's beautiful little buns. I placed my hand on her ass and kissed her full on the mouth. She pulled away from me and flattened herself out on the floor, on her stomach. "Fuck me, Denny, come on and fuck me! Bill, I'll suck you while I'm taking it in the ass."
"Bill knelt in front of her. "Wait till you two really get going, then you can take me," he said, holding his cock in his hand. He smiled at me and I knew it was time to really go to town.
"I leaned down and filled the crack of her little ass with spit. Then I rubbed the head of my cock up and down between the cheeks. She moaned and begged for it, but I wasn't ready to give it to her, not just yet. I wanted to get her real hot, bloody-out-of-her-mind hot, with my mouth. I flicked my tongue against the hard nub at the opening of her asshole and she shivered in pleasure.
"Then I opened my lips and forced my tongue directly at the opening. It slid in about half an inch and I pulled it out and did it again and again until she was begging for my cock. Bill was panting as he watched, and he beat his cock furiously above her face. He moved close to her, sitting on his heels, and let his balls slide up and down on her forehead and nose. She lifted her head and licked at them a few times.
"Finally I shoved my tongue as far as I could and it entered her like a cock. She screamed in pleasure. I pulled out and replaced it with my dick. I shoved hard and entered her. She screamed, and her entire body bolted in a spasm of utter surprise and delight. Then I slid all the way into her without stopping. She loved it.
"When I was all the way in, I told her to get up on her knees, so we could do it dog-style, and at the same time she could suck on Bill's nice, hard cock. She moved up and I went with her, never allowing my cock to fall from her asshole. She knelt and I watched as Bill let her take his cock. He put his hands on her back and I grabbed them and held them for a second. We were the masters and she was our slave. I fucked her in the ass while she sucked Bill's cock with all of us coming at the same time.
"I let go of his hands and began to fuck her nice and hard in her little hot asshole. Bill matched my movements up front, and shoved his cock in and out of her face, fucking her there. We fucked and fucked and she moaned and shook all the time we pumped her. I felt my balls swinging free beneath me, and I watched the expression change on Bill's face from excited interest to pained ecstasy!
"Tell me when, Denny, I'll hold off till you shoot!" he cried.
"Oh man, I'm almost there! I'm gonna ram her cunt so full of come she won't know what hit her!" I returned.
"And I'm gonna fill her mouth so full ...
"He didn't get to finish his sentence because I let out with a yelp that shook the house! "NOW!" I shouted into the air. I rammed my cock into her asshole with such force that it pushed her onto his cock, sticking it way down her throat. At the same moment, Bill let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes. He came, just as I did, and together we stuffed her body so full of come she could hardly breathe!
"Sheila shook and moaned, and tears rolled of carrot juice. He wasn't fixing anything to drink now, though, and he didn't waste much time showing me around the place. He led me to a mattress covered with an Indian blanket in a corner of the living room and pulled me down beside him.
"Baby, I wanna fuck you. I wanna fuck you so bad," he said.
"He was very sexy, even if he did seem a little crude. And I was flattered. I knew I'd set off some spark in him, and it isn't every day that that sort of thing happens. Maybe this time would be different. I hoped, maybe this would be the man who could do it for me. He didn't look the type for weird kicks. I'd have to try to make it the ordinary way. It wasn't courage that brought me boldly to this point as much as it was the two martinis I'd had.
"He started stripping off his clothes and left me to undo mine. When his pants came down, I noticed that he had an all-over tan. A nudist, no doubt. I also noticed he was hung like a horse. The sight of such a huge phallus would have turned on other women, no doubt. Frankly, I was impressed. It was lovely to look at but all I could think was ouch!
"Once my pantsuit was off and neatly draped over a chair, he took one long look starting with my boobs and going on down. I guess I was posing, my tummy all sucked in, my head tall, my weight gracefully balanced.
"Beautiful," he said. "Now I know I haven't seen you before. If I had, I'd remember when and where."
"That was a relief. I still didn't want anyone probing into my past.
"I stood still as he approached me and pulled me tight against his tall, muscular body. He smiled down at me, pushed my hair away from my face, then bore down hard against my lips with his, twisting my mouth before opening it, then prodding his tongue inside to meet mine. While he kissed me, he pressed that huge cock against my belly. Soon our two bodies squirmed together sensuously as our tongues mingled. My breath came hot and fast. Already I knew that my cunt juices were flowing. What a fast turn-on this gorgeous Nordic lover was. He had me totally in his power and I scarcely knew him. Maybe this man would be the one to save me from my perverted desires. I could only hope so.
"He wasn't one to hesitate. He soon had me flat on my back on the mattress. He kissed me again, plunging his tongue even deeper into my mouth than before. My tongue twisted and swiveled against his and underneath him, my body wiggled. My pussy really felt hot and the idea of that gigantic prick which now rubbed against my belly no longer scared me.
"He pulled away from my mouth and skillfully heaved my pelvis into the air, throwing my legs over his shoulders. My cunt was within inches of his face. Opening his mouth he drew out his tongue, licked his lips, then dived for the slick sensitive flesh. He swept over my clitoris again and again. Dizzy with sensation, I was afraid I'd give way to an orgasm if he kept it up much longer. Instead, though, he curled his tongue into a point and traced the edges of my slit several times. Then he lapped at it, deliberately moistening it with his saliva, getting it ready for that fantastic tool.
"I opened my cunt as wide as I could. Crouching over me and staring into my face, he began to shove it in. It was big, all right, and, well, it had been a long time since anybody had done it this way with me.
"God, you're tight," he said, adding, "I like them tight."
"I was utterly overwhelmed at having an instrument like this inside me. I was practically in a swoon. Slowly we began to rock together. He moved his prick as though it were made of lead. Each stroke seemed to crush me. There was something about it that was like ass fucking. All my innards jostled around, compressed by the fullness. I was soon totally caught up in the rhythm, my movements in phase with his. Gradually, the speed increased. God, I was hot.
"Hot enough to come or almost. But I didn't come. I was suspended, ready for the magic touch that would send me over the hill. But the magic touch wasn't there, not yet.
"He fucked me relentlessly, scarcely aware of me, it seemed. In and out, churning away, savoring his own sensations, he didn't give a damn about me. Or so I thought. Just another prick who wouldn't know if I really came if I managed to fake it.
"But I was wrong. Suddenly he pulled out his cock and whipped me over on my belly. He slapped my buttocks as though he were spanking me for being such a bad girl. Then, slowly and expertly, he drove that mammoth cock straight up my ass. It hurt a little, but I loved the hurt of it, for this was the magic touch I needed.
"He was speeding up now and every thrust jolted me as though it would turn me inside out. He jerked it in and out with amazing swiftness. My awareness of everything else dimmed. I was conscious only of the tender ring around my ass, the giant tube that invaded it again and again.
"Suddenly my whole body bolted as though I'd been struck by lightning. I shuddered helplessly, all the while wailing my head off. Ripples of ecstasy spread from my ass, overtaking the rest of me in waves of increasing violence. I screamed until I nearly choked. My ass grabbed at his prick, but it was moving too fast. In a few more thrusts he'd finished and pulled it out, his semen dripping everywhere, chilling my thighs and my cunt. I still twitched and whimpered as I fell into a heap on his bed.
"How did you know?" I whispered.
"He shrugged. "Just guessed. The prettier the chick, the more weird they get, I figure. And dispense with the male sexual organ in act. Similar to the case of Antonio, the male love object is a defense against the fear of castration.
It is quite evident in both these cases that the preference for anal sex is symbolical proof of their inability to cope with the idea of the female genitals. They represent proof, to the immature, of the real danger from incest: retributive castration, and proof of the threats made by parents of the dangers in masturbation.
We find another predisposing factor in the case of Denholm. As a result of having a weak father, of whom his mother could and did take advantage, Denholm did not have a sufficiently strong male prototype with which to identify. As was mentioned before, it is the identification with the father which forms the inhibitive forces in the psychical organization that fights off incestuous longings. In other words, the boy fears his father's retribution for incest. This fear is at first represented by an external threat emanating from the father. He usually wants his son to leave the sheltering caves of mother overprotection and to make his own way in the world. When the young boy's incest desires become associated with his genitals and he recognizes that some individuals to whom he is so similar do not possess a penis, he identifies this thought with his own castration. Later when he identifies with his father, this threat is internalized and becomes the chief weapon which he uses to break the bonds of his desire for his mother, i.e. the castration complex.
Because of Denholm's weak father, the subsequent identification with him did not prove sufficiently strong to break the bonds of motherly desire. To accomplish this task, Denholm was forced to identify with his mother. In this way, if he became identical with her, he would no longer have to fear his love for her. This unconscious reasoning resulted in a narcissistic object choice, as Denholm sought an object similar to the one his mother loved and saw in him. Therefore, as the mother-son relationship remained fixated, Denholm became his mother by identification and looked for an object like himself in the external world.
By this defense maneuver, he was able to overcome his fear of castration due to incestuous impulses. His anus became his chief sexual concern because it allowed him to be passive in the sexual act like a woman. But with this anal eroticism, he could also be active (again in identification with his mother) with another's anal cavity because it didn't represent nor contain the same fear elements of his immature unconscious belief that the female genitals were living proof of his castration fears.
Therefore, Denholm's anal eroticism, narcissism or narcissistic object choice, and degradation of the sexual object represent defenses against incest and related threats of castration.
"When I was a little kid my mother was the dominating force in my life. My dad was a sickly, very quiet man. She was big and healthy and I think she was tired of his dick long before he died. (He died when I was thirteen.) One day, when I was about ten or eleven, I watched them making love. It was a terrifying sight. His cock was very small and he couldn't seem to satisfy her cunt. She practically flung him out of the room when he came all over her pussy instead of in it. I remember her calling him all kinds of terrible names and then telling him how she much preferred getting a big stud to fuck her in the ass than to have his little cock up her cunt.
"I can't say that I blamed her, but she treated him too bloody rough. I never had much respect for him, because of it. He never once stood up to her and he didn't seem to care about anything in the world except his business. I was fascinated with sex ever since I could remember, but that scene I had watched turned me way, way off.
"However, one thing about it stayed with me. I kept hearing over and over in my mind the words about a stud fucking my mother's asshole. I don't know why, it just seemed very exciting for me. Later, I experimented with my asshole while I masturbated, and I began sticking all kinds of things up there-my finger, a hair brush, carrot, even the end of the kitchen broom. Music became a part of my life and I would sit on my bed with my earphones on, beating off while I shoved something up my ass.
"My interest in anal matters changed from my own body to others when I became old enough to know what it was all about. I fucked my first girl at fifteen, but it wasn't anything for me. It wasn't exciting. I guess I thought of my parents and that turned me off. As I fucked her though, I thought of her asshole, of my balls rubbing on her asshole as she wrapped her legs around me, and that got me excited enough to come in her pussy.
"Since then I've fucked a few girls normally, but none of the experiences has been rewarding for me. There's no excitement to it. Analism is where it's at, and I dig fucking the asshole. I never tried fucking a guy until I became involved with young rock musicians. They are very cool, and I felt free with them, sexually also. Many of them are either bisexual or homosexual, and they have very little hang-ups about it. I knew a kid, Kurt, from Germany. He had a nice tight ass and he asked me to fuck him one night. I wasn't going to at first, but then I figured what the hell? His asshole was tight and as exciting as any chick's I'd ever fucked. By then, I figured, an asshole is an asshole and I don't bloody well care who it belongs to!
"I didn't have to answer, for just an instant later he'd whipped his tool out of my cunt and rubbed the end of it around the opening of my ass. It only took a moment for the moisture to spread around, making that lovely prick slide in, oh so easily. I cried out with pleasure as it sunk deeper and deeper into me.
"How quickly I was swept up in the ecstasy of his prick entering my ass, swiveling mercilessly into its strange depths. Immediately, my body responded, churning against him, grinding, twisting, turning. I gasped and groaned, and sought desperately for something to hold on to. His hand reached for my wrists and held them tightly.
"I was oblivious to everything except the dull pumping motion from behind arid the chills of sensation around my asshole. My twitches and moans were totally automatic, for my conscious mind had faded, eclipsed by the sheer exquisiteness of sensation.
"The slow, sensual monotony drove me almost to the point of hysteria. I was on the edge, so close to coming, hovering there, waiting, wishing a moment such as this would never end. The speed of his thrusts increased and his hand now clung to my wrists, while the fingers of his other hand still tickled my clitoris delicately. I moaned and quaked, then held my breath for an instant. The spasms arose from somewhere deep inside me, magnifying themselves, turning into utter convulsions. My ass gripped his prick tightly as he shoved it in deep and hard, the final stroke that sent his juices spilling into me. A shrill scream burst from my throat and the throbbing continued, diminishing so very gradually that I thought it would last forever.
"We lay together in wordless awe, cuddling like little children. He didn't attempt to arouse me again that night. At last we dozed off to sleep in each other's arms.
"I awoke the next morning to find the sun shining brightly upon his nude body, totally exposed, for he'd kicked the covers off. I wasn't sure if he was still asleep or not, but at any rate, his cock was fully erect.
"I couldn't resist reaching out to it, caressing it delicately with my hands. What fantastic pleasure it had given me. God, how I loved it in my ass. A big one would never do as well. This cock that I now held lightly against the palm of my hand was the perfect cock.
"He'd soon get up, of course, and walk away, perhaps walk out of my life forever. He liked ass-fucking, I knew, but he wanted something more. And he had a right to something more. Despair encroached upon my initially happy mood as I thought about myself and how I'd learned to enjoy only one sort of lovemaking. It wouldn't be wrong, if I could only enjoy other things, too.
"He roused from his sleep and opened his eyes. His gaze was tender, compassionate.
"You like my cock, don't you, Alice?"
"I love it."
"But there's one spot you like it best. Why is that?"
"I sighed, wondering how much to tell him. "It's a long story," I said at last. "I won't go into all the details. I was married and I learned to like it that way."
"You mean that's all your husband wanted?"
"I wondered if I'd told him too much. "Yeah, he was hung up on this sort of thing. And I was inexperienced. I still am. We haven't been apart very long."
"I'm sorry, honey. Maybe I shouldn't have asked. I won't make you talk about things you don't want to talk about."
"I smiled at his strong, understanding face. "It's all right," I said, then I added, "but sometimes I wonder if there's really something wrong with me."
"Wrong? But how could there be? You have such violent climaxes."
"Only one way though. Otherwise I'm frigid."
"You, frigid? That's absurd. Frigid women can't make it at all. They'd envy you. Sooner or later you'll find some nice guy who likes it that way and no other way and you'll live happily ever after."
"That crushed me. He wasn't going to be the guy, that was clear enough. And I didn't want to go on this way. I wanted terribly to be like other women. I wanted to enjoy all of sex.
"He didn't cut me off right then and there. Sometimes I wished he had. He kept coming back to see me and never again tried to fuck me in the cunt. At least he got me to talk about it frankly so I reached the point where I could yell, "Fuck me in the ass!" so loud the neighbors surely heard.
"We just took for granted that ass fucking was my thing and that it wasn't really his thing, so we knew that sooner or later we'd reach the end of the road. He kept telling me to go out with other men. I didn't enjoy it much because I'd get the same reaction again and again. They all thought I was a weird, kinky chick. Jerry seemed certain I'd meet somebody compatible and he was going out with other people, too. Only he was the one who met someone else first.
"He came to see me as always and we made love. He lay on top of me, thrusting his prick into my ass as he held my breasts against his chest, my face against his. It was so close to what I now thought of as "the real thing," that after my spasmodic climax subsided and he held me under him, I wanted to tell him that I thought I was beginning to be "normal" after all. I was on the point of begging him to fuck me in the cunt when he rolled off and said he had something to tell me.
"There was another woman, that's what it amounted to. He still cared for me, yes, her cool fingers across our naked skin.
"Bill's asshole was very tight and very hot. I loved the feel of it-kinda like fucking a virgin. I was ready to shoot almost immediately, but I held off, waiting until Bill was ready also.
"Let me know when, Bill," I muttered, in sheer ecstasy. I heard Sheila moaning with each of his thrusts and her soft sounds made me all the more ready to shoot off.
"Oh man, it's coming! Fuck me hard, Denny! I'm gonna come! I'm gonna come!' He moved his body with incredible force. Then "I felt a tightening, a contraction in him, deep within his hot asshole which told me the first shot of sperm had leaped from his cock.
"Oh God!" Sheila shouted and then muffled her mouth with the mattress.
"I let go. I collapsed as my body poured my come into Bill's rectum. It seemed to ease out of me in one long gush, and I thought it would never end. Bill yelled in utter ecstasy as he felt the cream spurting hotly into his asshole from down the length of my cock and against his rubbery anal walls. He pumped his own cock as it emptied into Sheila in just the same way.
"I didn't want it to end. It was too perfect, too exciting, too magical. And I wasn't even stoned! I fucked him and her at the same time, it seemed, for the electricity was going through all three bodies. I finally pulled out of Bill's ass, giving Sheila a chance to breathe beneath our weight. Then he pulled out of her and we all sat on the bed.
"Sheila took Bill's wet, slippery cock into her mouth and licked off all the come. She sucked on it for a minute and the sight of her doing that excited me again and my cock began to harden.
"Bill put his head down and took me in his mouth, doing what she had done to him, cleansing me of the semen and sweat from his anal canal. Then he didn't stop until he had brought me to another orgasm, and just before I came I shoved two fingers up Sheila's spread ass and worked them around as Bill's wet come slipped out of her hole.
"Then I shot into his mouth, but the load wasn't nearly as big as the first one had been. He pulled his head away and we all lay on the bed. The film had run out and the camera was still going, but Bill was too beat to get up and turn it off. We all felt like we had been through a physical workout, alright.
"Again, as with all the other times, I felt a kind of revulsion toward Sheila. I liked her and I liked fucking her, but that was all she was good for. She wasn't very intelligent. But Bill was, he was brilliant, and I think he'll be a great filmmaker some day. I didn't mind talking to him, even after I had fucked him. But I was no longer interested in Sheila.
"I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm afraid that the chick's gonna turn around and ask for a vaginal fuck after the anal fuck is completed? Maybe I hate girls because of my mother? Maybe I'm crazy. But I don't find it screwing up my life. I'm pretty happy and now I'm really into working on films with Bill. Oh, I see Sheila around every now and then, but Bill and I have become close friends, and I still enjoy fucking him.
"I really hope one day that I'll be able to overcome my distaste for having women around as something other than sexual objects. That's all they are to me, a nice piece of ass-a nice ass-fuck, and nothing more. I guess it would be nice to get married when I'm older and maybe have kids, but not till I get it together about girls. I don't want to be fucking guys my whole life!
"It isn't a big thing and I'm not too worried about it, but I thought I'd mention it, in case you have any ideas. I always like to think ahead and look to the future."
Denholm's multiple deviations and their renunciation or the overcoming of them are dependent upon three factors.
First, there is his desire to overcome them, and secondly, they are dependent upon his ability to unite the two currents of love, the tender and affectionate feelings and the sexual feelings, a set of feelings that are very often quite divergent. Thirdly, his ability to come to terms with his desire for incest. The accomplishing of this task will necessarily lead him to a conscious realization that all his defenses are devised to counter this desire, which ultimately are the causes of his aberrations.
will be afraid to experiment with anal intercourse. Because a woman's sexual anatomy is diffuse, the problem of learning to enjoy anal intercourse is subtle and complex. She must learn to relax, to let herself go, to abandon herself. She must, above all, become aware of new sensations. Little wonder, then, that the transition from vaginal to anal intercourse with orgasm is not instantaneous, but something that takes time and understanding on the part of the man involved.
Even though maximum responsiveness may be long in coming, the learning period of anal experimentation need not be frustrating for the woman if the man is considerate in his actions. This is a time for gradual progression from the low-keyed sexuality of accustomed vaginal intercourse to the higher pitch of anal intercourse.
The goal for both the man and the woman should be to make their sexual experience as rewarding for both parties as possible. With skillful stimulation and patience from the man, more frequent orgasms from the woman can be hoped for in anal intercourse than might be experienced in the first few attempts.
Today, the range of possible sexual experience has widened tremendously. The emancipation of women, the increased education for both sexes, have encouraged sexual experimentation. Most men and women approach sex with the attitude that they will try almost anything once. They may not enjoy it, and may never repeat it, but they feel that the best way to find out about something is to try it.
As a result of this willingness to experiment sexually, manual-genital stimulation has become almost universal, oral-genital contact has become common, and anal intercourse has become one of the most popular of the "experiments," as opposed to the "standards" of manual and oral play. Because, as was explained earlier, the divorced woman is searching for some method of reassuring herself that it was not because of her lack of sexual ability that her marriage came to an end, it is quite common for analism to become the most popular method of sexual experimentation.
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