ADULTERY, according to Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary, is defined as "Voluntary sexual intercourse by a married man with another other than his wife or by a married woman with another other than her husband." When most people think of adultery they usually assume it consists of fornication, genital-to-genital intercourse. But sex has more forms of expression than that. Oral gratification such as FELLATIO (mouthing the penis) and CUNNILINGUS (mouthing the vagina) are also acts of sexual intercourse and are just as popular as "straight" fornication. A couple can commit adultery, therefore, without ever meshing their genitals and there are a surprising number of married women who PREFER it that way.
As a psychologist with a practice in New York City, I've talked to many married women who are troubled over their sex lives. My office is wired for sound so that each of my patients has his and her story recorded on tape. I've found this to be more convenient and less distracting to the patient than constantly jotting down notes during the sessions. With tapes I am able to go over the sessions again and again at leisure. Over a period of years I've discovered that certain sexual trends have become more prominent via these tapes and one of them is the remarkable rise in ORAL adultery.
One of the reasons married women give me for indulging in fellatio and cunnilingus with men other than their husbands is a wish to avoid pregnancies. But with birth control devices so available this excuse seems hardly valid. If a woman wants to have sex with a man she can always come prepared with The Pill. Another reason women give me for having oral sex relations with strange men is that it is "less involved" than fornication. One of my patients, a middle-aged wife of a bank executive, told me that she has a passion for fellating attractive men in hallways. "It is so much easier than finding a room and taking off all your clothes for straight sex," she explains in her tape.
Fornication is almost always referred as "straight" sex by my patients as if to imply that oral acts are abnormal. Actually fellatio and cunnilingus are nearly as common as genital-to-genital intercourse. Benjamin Morse, in his book, MODERN MARRIAGE MANUAL, points out that nine out of every ten married couples engage in some form of oral sex play. My own findings agree with this figure so it is the LACK or oralism in marriage that is abnormal.
While oral sex acts in marriage are common, it is unique for women to engage in them EXCLUSIVELY in their adulterous relationships. The case histories that follow will be about such oral adulteresses. These women come from every walk of life and range in age from wives barely out of their teens to grandmothers. There is no "generation gap" where sex is concerned.
Since none of these women listed in these pages knew their stories were being taped, I am taking the liberty of disguising their identities. What follows now are the actual words of women who found pleasure in having oral sex relations with men other than their husbands. This book will prove that there is more than one way to perform adultery.
Robert Rehbei, Ph.D. New York City
Chapter One... THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH
CASE HISTORY:
Name: Ellen H.
Age: 29
Ellen is a very attractive young woman with black hair and blue eyes. She has been married to a stock broker for seven years but only recently has had extra-marital relations. Out of a desperate need to save her marriage, she came to me seeking professional help.
"I don't know what's wrong with me, doctor. For seven years I've been happy with William and now, suddenly, I've been having these affairs. Remember a play about adultery called THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH? Maybe that's what I have. According to the play, the seventh year of a marriage is a dangerous one because that's when couples wonder infidelity is all it is cracked up to be and start looking around for someone else to satisfy their sexual itch. Well, this must be true because here I am in the office of a psychologist for the first time in my life.
"My husband is exactly my age and very loving so you can't say that I've gone after other men because of neglect. If anything, William is OVERLY affectionate. There are few nights that he doesn't try something with me. If he can't get an erection he uses his mouth. Since neither one of us draws the line at French love, we have many ways in which to enjoy ourselves. People who just have straight sex must have awfully dull lives.
"I used to think that I had no sexual hang-ups until recently. My parents were not prudes and understood that sex was an important part of life, so I wasn't exactly repressed. They didn't give me a license to go out and screw any boy I wanted, though. They were still old-fashioned enough to feel that girls should go to their marriage bed with their virginity intact.
"As the only girl in a family of five boys, my virginity was well protected. My parents accepted the fact that boys were freer to sow their wild oats than I was and so looked the other way when they came in about dawn with sheepish expressions on their faces. While my mother scolded them a bit about their late hours, my father seemed proud that they were demonstrating their virility. There were no faggots in his brood of young studs.
"Two of my brothers were older and two of them were younger than I was, so I had ample opportunity to see the male libido in action at all ages. When I was fourteen, I heard my two older brothers talking about their affairs with girls. As I listened in the dark and quiet of my bedroom, I used to masturbate thrusting my fingers in and out of my vagina. My brothers spoke of sex quite candidly as teenaged boys do, and their rough talk excited me. I sometimes thought that they were just telling one another lies but I later learned through girls at school, that my brothers were pretty advanced for their ages. How I envied them their freedom. How I wished I had a penis instead of a slit between my legs.
"Is this what you doctors call penis-envy? I suppose every girl has it at one time or another in her life. A penis seems such a handy tool.. if you'll excuse the pun. With a tube of flesh, a person could screw through the world without a care but a slit is another matter. Girls had the fear of pregnancy hanging over their heads. In those days, before the Pill, out-of-wedlock babies were common and there wasn't a semester at school that didn't go by without at least one girl dropping out because she started to show the results of five minutes of passion in a parked car. It was little wonder my parents held me in tighter check then they did the boys. This irked me no end because I was aware of the double standard that said boys had a right to more sexual freedom than did girls.
"When I was fifteen I had a very close brush with sex for the first time. A boy, a friend of my brothers, invited me into his finished basement for fun and games. I thought he meant childish sports like throwing darts or ping pong, but Harry was seventeen and at the peak of his manly powers.
"As soon as we were alone he showed me some pictures excitedly. They were all pornographic. I've heard rumors to the effect that females are not supposed to be aroused by sex pictures as are males, but my heart pounded wildly when I saw the still shots of naked men and women in all sorts of poses. I still remember the first one. It was a close up of a woman sucking on an erected male organ.
"Harry slid his hands over my body. When he pressed against my rear I felt his own dick in a state of erection. 'Like the pictures, Ellen?" he breathed hotly. 'Wouldn't you love to have some fun like that?"
"I knew I should have thrown the pornographic pictures on the floor and stormed out of the house, but, erotic that I was, I stood there with the boy's stiff dong against my butts as I thumbed through still after still. This encouraged the guy and he grabbed at the crotch of my slacks. 'Let me see you naked, Ellen," he said with a tight voice.
"NAKED. The word thrilled me. In my daydreams about sex I always wondered what it would be like to be naked with a naked boy. I recalled all the times I screwed myself with my index finger trying to imagine that I was being fornicated by a boy. Harry's offer so took me by surprise that I didn't move. Again he took my silence for consent and he zipped his fly open. 'Ellen," he said softly when he was exposed.
"I turned around and saw a bared prick for the first time. It seemed very large and pink. Harry was seventeen and almost a man sexually. He took one of my hands and placed it on that upright pole of flesh. I trembled. This was the piece of meat that got so many girls into trouble. Fears of pregnancy swept through my head. 'I... I don't want to," I managed to say.
"'It doesn't hurt," the boy claimed. 'Ill be careful."
"My hand seemed welded to his hard prick and I just couldn't break contact with it. How warm and alive it felt in my hand! 'A baby," I gasped. 'I don't want to get into trouble."
"'Then go down on me," he all but begged.
"'Go down?" I wondered, repeating his plea.
"Then Harry told me what the phrase meant in short, crude words. He wanted me to mouth him just like the girl did in a pornographic still. For some reason his suggestion revolted me and I let go of his penis as if it were a red-hot rod of iron. I ran out of the house and kept running until I reached my own room. I locked the door as if attempting to lock out my own thoughts. Harry's sexual pass excited me and I stripped off all my clothes. I stood in front of the mirror and gazed at my blossoming body. My breasts were high, firm and conical and there was a thick covering of hair over my vagina. I was almost a woman as Harry was almost a man. I was as ready for sex as he was. I cursed myself for not giving in. All I would have had to do was to kneel in front of him and experience would have been mine.
"I slipped my index finger into my cleft and played with my clitoris. My vagina became very warm and moist. I closed my eyes and thought of that first stag picture I had seen of the woman 'going down' on a man. Suddenly I took the finger out of my sex opening and started to suck on it. I tasted my own body but I imagined I was tasting male flesh. Harry...his pink, hard dick...
"My daydreams now turned to fellatio instead of fornication. With four brothers in the house I didn't have to strain my imagination, either. Now and then I would come upon one of them leaving the shower naked with his penis swinging. I had the idea that they sometimes exposed themselves to me on purpose but I wasn't about to complain. My penis-envy grew. Male sex organs seemed to be so much more attractive then feminine slits. A man could also have sex casually without the fear of losing his shape and his reputation. I cursed the Fate that made me a girl instead of a boy.
"As I grew older, I began to enjoy being a girl, as the song goes. My penis-envy submerged as I went clothes-happy. Girls had much more freedom in dress than boys had, at least, and I bought one beautiful outfit after another. I didn't lack for male companionship and, as unattractive as I thought my vagina to be, it was frantically sought after by men and boys alike.
"Although I was tempted to give in many times to the demands of my boyfriends, I still remained a virgin until I was twenty-two. In this age of sexual freedom this makes me something of an oddity, I suppose, but I did hit the wedding bed sheets intact.
"William, my husband, didn't come to the wedding night a virgin because he had confessed to me, BRAGGED! I should say, before we married about all his affairs. It seems that he had been sexually active since he was sixteen when he took a trip to a cathouse, as he called it. If there had been a similar place for girls, I may have gone to one myself. How easy it was for boys to have said. All they had to do was scrape five or ten bucks together and they could buy themselves an experience.
"Once William gained confidence in himself and his ability as a man, he free lanced his way through women and girls with that staff of life. When I asked him if he ever wondered if he had impregnated one of them or not, he seemed grossly indifferent. 'I figure that any girl I fuck knows enough to take care of herself," was his casual answer.
"For all I knew my young groom had fathered dozens of bastards, but I tried to pretend that he had been lucky and had met only those girls who were able to protect themselves.
"William more than made up for all the sex I had missed during my growing up period. Although I was a virgin on my wedding night, I had no fears about sex. I was only too ready to become a woman in every way. When I stripped off my clothes, I stood in front of a naked man in the nude for the first time, with my rose-red nipples stiff and pointy with sheet lust. William's flesh was also stiff and pointy. His penis was large and hard and, for the second time in my life, I grabbed a male sex organ.
"William pressed me against the bed and rubbed one of his hands over my pubic area. He didn't want to penetrate me right away, feeling that he had to arouse me first. I was already more than aroused but I let him engage in all the foreplay he wanted. It was his wedding night as well as mine and he, after all, was the more experienced.
"My groom licked both of my breasts and sucked each nipple. As his mouth worked on me, that stag picture of years ago flashed in my mind. Now that I had a man of my own!legally!I had the opportunity to indulge myself orally as well as in the straight way. I knew that William had nothing against oral sex and I had the strong urge to go down on him right then and there. How many virgin brides fellated their husbands before they were broken into?
"I didn't want William to think that I had had a wild sex life before marriage, so I resisted the impulse. As much as I wanted to be active, I remained passive as a good bride should while my husband sucked my nipples. For a moment I thought he was going to perform cunnilingus on me when he ran the tip of his tongue down to my belly button. But William finally mounted me and I felt the hard, smooth head of his dick probing against my vagina.
"He was a sure and careful lover and slid his pole of flesh into my body with controlled passion. It went in one inch then another. I moaned in a mixture of delight and pain. His penis pushed through my girlhood and into my womanhood. I felt my virginal blood rise warm and moist and William began his thrusting motions. Sex... at last.
"My husband rammed his meat into me with increasing fury. He wasn't losing control, but simply opening up more and getting into high gear sexually. My entire body tingled with excitement and my nipples were like little erected dicks themselves as they punched up against William's hairy chest. He kept pumping away with virile gusto and I dug my fingers into his back. Then he had an orgasm. His fluid shot into my body and I cried out with joy. I was a woman!
"William didn't try oralism until the fourth night of the honeymoon. I suppose he thought I would object to any such overtures in the opening hours of our marriage and so desisted until he realized I was anxious for fuller experiences in love-making. It began when he sucked my nipples and then ran his tongue down to my belly button.
This time he didn't stop there and went on to my pubic patch. He licked my sexual hair and then probed into my cleft with his tongue. William was an expert at cunnilingus and he knew just where to touch me. When the tip of his tongue swept over my clitoris I pushed my body up against his face in excitement. Once William realized I had no objections to French love he went into high gear again and sucked wildly. He slipped his hands under my butt, and as he mouthed me he slipped one of his fingers into my anal passage. I wondered just how many other girls he had loved in this way and was jealous. My old penis-envy made itself known again.
"I brushed my foot against my husband's erected sex organ as he mouthed and fingered me. As I stared at his sexual meat I had the urge to fellate him for the first time. William seemed to sense my desire, old lecher that he was, and turned his body around so that we were now in the '69' position of genitals against mouths. Without hesitation I took my husband's stiff staff orally as if I had been doing it for years. Once more that stag picture flashed in my mind. I had missed the opportunity to French a boy when I was a teenager, but now, as a married woman, I could safely enjoy the oral sex.
"William's tube of meat was so long and large that I could not take it all in even though I all but choked on it. I slid my mouth up and down along his organ as he chewed on my pubic area. My husband groaned a bit and then shot his sperm. I had all but forgotten about this part of fellatio.
"When the male juice filled my mouth I drew back for a moment in shock. Then, after swallowing, I continued to mouth my husband until he poured all his sperm into me. I kept fellating him until his tube of flesh grew small and limp once more. When I broke contact William sat up in bed and smiled. 'You mean you've never had any sex before we married?" he smiled.
"I told him about that brief moment with a boy in a basement and I wasn't sure if he believed me or not. In a way, this was a compliment to my sexual ability since I had mouthed him to utter satisfaction even though it was my first attempt at French love.
"Life and love were good to us and we prospered. I never became pregnant but neither of us minded that much. We were free to travel anytime we wished and became jet-setters. I didn't know if William was sterile or if I was the one who was barren, but it didn't seem to matter because we enjoyed life without the burden of children. We talked about adopting babies now and then but nothing really came of it. In our hearts we knew that we didn't want them.
"I gave my husband all the sex he wanted so he didn't have to stray. But William came down with a case of the Seven Year Itch in the third year of our marriage. Having always been excessively active with women he felt hemmed in with only one of them.
"You might call us a 'modern' couple because my husband didn't bother to hide his extra-marital affairs. 'Variety is the spice of life, Ellen," he told me.
"I couldn't say that I remained married to him because of the children because there simply weren't any. Divorce, oddly enough, seemed to be no answer to my husband's adulteries. I still loved him and he loved me, but he wasn't ready to concentrate all his sexual energies in one direction alone. I suppose it was a compliment to me that he gave me three whole years of his life in the first place.
"As much as I loved my husband I developed a streak of hate against him. He could have sexual relations so casually without fear or guilt. All he had to do was whip out that meat of his and ram it into any hole he wished while I had to be more discrete.
"I considered adultery the moment I heard about my husband's affairs, but, somehow, I couldn't permit myself the pleasure of other men's company. I had been a good girl before I married and twenty-two years of purity could not be dismissed so lightly. It was only after William's adulteries got to be so common that I decided to get into the game myself.
"I was twenty-nine and had been married for seven years before I had my first illegal affair. I was at a party with William and, as usual, he flirted with every female under the age of fifty. A busty blonde who was still in her teens flirted back. 'I may be late coming home tonight, dear," William whispered to me and took off after this latest bit of fluff.
"I knew that William would not show up until after dawn and he expected me to go home alone. By now I knew his routine. I watched him make eyes at a girl who was a full decade younger than he was and burned. As he neared middle-age he still felt no compunction against chasing teenaged girls. But he was a male, after all, and males could chase girls of all ages no matter how old they got themselves. As a woman pushing thirty it would be unseemly for me to chase teenaged boys. If there had been a nineteen year old kid at the party I would've flirted with him just to spite my husband.
"After a few drinks the idea of shacking up with another man became more acceptable to me. When I saw William leave the party with the blonde I made up my mind to have another man for the first time in our marriage.
"My eyes fell upon a guy in his thirties. He was very good looking and had arrived at the party stag. His name was Alvin and I knew him slightly as a recent divorcee. This, to me, made him fair enough game. As anxious as I was to commit adultery I wanted to do it with a single man.
"I was just drunk enough to be obvious. Alvin could see that I was an easy lay and invited me outside. We grabbed a cab and were inside his apartment moments later. As soon as the door closed he pawed my body and started to take off my clothes. "I saw William leave with that blonde," he whispered. 'He must be crazy to turn down steak for hamburger."
"I'm kind of stale steak," I told him, "I'm pushing thirty."
"'I'm pushing forty!" Alvin answered, "You're a kid to me."
"Yes, I thought, but you're a man and men could free lance through fields of women until they can't get their staffs up anymore.
"My heart pounded wildly as Alvin pulled off my bra and massaged my breasts. I felt like a fifteen year old girl again in the basement with that boy with the stag pictures. William was right about variety being the spice of life. There was nothing like a new man to make love seem fresh again.
"Alvin stopped playing with my breasts and began to remove his clothes hurriedly. When he was naked I looked at his trim body and his erect penis. I was almost thirty, yet this was the third penis I had ever seen in my life. Somehow I felt cheated. My husband, that boy of years ago and Alvin all had seen breasts and vaginas by the hundreds. I was just another woman to the fellow I had picked up at the party, but he was a full third of the men in my life.
"'Okay, Ellen," he smiled, "Let's go to the bedroom."
"As much as I wanted him I hated the way he was being so casual. It was as if he was taking me for granted. I was 'sure ass', to put it in masculine terms, something he could brag about the next day over a poker table.
"'I don't want to go to bed," I told him just to bring the man up short.
"Alvin pressed against me. I felt his stiff dick slide up along my pubic triangle. He grabbed my buttocks. 'I'll screw you anywhere you want, baby," he said thickly.
"Again he was only too sure of himself. 'I don't want to screw," I told him. When his leering expression changed to one of disappointment I felt happy.
"'You a cock-teaser or something, Ellen?" he complained. 'You like to lead guys on only to slam the door?"
"I wanted Alvin badly enough, but somehow I just couldn't allow him to go all the way with me. I wanted to be the one to call the sexual shots and not submit myself to a male ego. And then I knew one way to resolve the situation. I slipped to my knees.
"'Oh, baby!" Alvin sighed with relief and lust, "You want to do it that way? Go right ahead!"
"His erect manhood was thick and powerful with a clump of reddish hair at the base. His testicles were taut, hairy balls and I licked them. The man quivered under my oral touch. I ran the tip of my tongue up along the seven-inch length of his erected tube slowly until my lips found the shiny head of the organ.
"'Ellen, oh, Ellen!" the man all but cried with passion.
"He placed his hands on my head as if to push me forward to complete the act of fellatio, but I didn t want to be rushed. I wanted to show him that I was seducing him and he wasn't seducing me. I nibbled on the head of his sex organ until he pleaded with me to go easy.
"'Maybe I'll bite your damn thing off!" I told him and then plunged my open mouth down.
"As I fellated him I worked my teeth on his meat knowing that I was hurting the man. Alvin didn't want to complain because he wanted the pleasure so much that he was willing enough to endure the pain. I clutched at his rump hard and fingered his anus. Alvin groaned again at this display of sex. It was obvious that he hadn't expected such an onslaught from a woman he only intended to screw.
"I ran my mouth up and down Alvin's impressive sex organ. While he was slimmer and shorted than my husband, he was better endowed. Alvin pressed his hands against the back of my head and held me against his body when he started to come. As I swallowed he kept moaning with ecstasy. When his warm juice filled me I moaned along with him. I kept sucking until he was drained. When his flesh went limp I still hung on. I experienced a keen feeling of power over the man. His most valued possession was flapping helplessly between my teeth. All I would have to do was to bring my teeth h together...
"'Ow!" Alvin screamed.
"He pushed my face away roughly and examined his damp digit. I had, in a daze of alcohol and sex, almost bitten his dear dick in half! I knelt on the floor with my butt against my heels as I watched Alvin stroke his penis soothingly. 'What the hell are you, some kind of nut?" he cried. "'Sorry, I guess I just lost my head," I smiled sweetly.
"Alvin wasn't in the mood for more fun and games after that and I dressed. When I got home I went directly to bed and fell fast asleep. Usually I turned and tossed when my husband was out on one of his affairs, but this time it didn't bother me to know he was screwing around.
"I told William about leaving the party with Alvin and claimed we had had straight sex along with the French kind. Somehow adultery didn't seem to be adultery when it was restricted to the oral level. My husband tried to pretend that he was tolerant of my wanderings and insisted that he had wanted me to take up with other men all along.
"'After all," he said without much conviction, "If I have other women, you should have other men."
"As much as William tried to play the role of 'modern' husband I knew that it galled him to realize that his wife wasn't all that dependent on him for sexual pleasure. For once I had the upper hand in the war between the sexes.
"The next time we went to a party William kept an eye on me instead of me keeping an eye on him. It was a wonderful change of pace. To prove that I was a woman of passion I made a point of flirting with a fellow I had never met before. He was about my age and his name was George. I didn't ask if he was married or not because I didn't want to know. As long as he was willing to leave me, that was enough.
"For the first time I was the one to leave with a new love instead of my husband. George wasn't exactly my type, but he served his purpose. He was crude and grabby. As soon as we got into the elevator he started feeling up my boobs. Another male who thought he could have women casually and at his leisure. I was tempted to drop him somewhere but then I thought of how I made Alvin suffer. Sex could be a weapon as well as an instrument of love.
"George took me for a ride in his car and parked in a lover's lane. This told me that he was either too cheap to rent a room or so anxious for sex that he couldn't wait.
"'I'm nuts about you," he sighed and started to climb all over me.
"He unzipped his pants and out popped his sex organ. I took hold of his meat and started to pull on it.
"'Honey, don't jerk me off," he said, "I don't want to waste my stuff."
"'You won't waste it," I told him, and leaned forward. When my mouth covered his dick he sucked in his breath sharply. The fellow simply hadn't been prepared for such an overture. Like all men, he thought that a woman had to be urged into oral sex.
"George patted my hair as I fellated him. He kept cooing sweet nothings and seemed contented to have my mouth on him instead of my vagina. Perhaps he even preferred it that way. When he pressed his hands against the back of my head I knew that he was about to climax. Like Alvin he didn't want me to break contact just as he spewed. He didn't want to 'waste his stuff'.
"His flow was a strong and salty one. I didn't know much about George's love life, but he seemed to have built up this load over many days of celibacy. He grunted in a pig-like fashion as he released himself. Once he shot out his last drop I started biting. At first he didn't seem to mind, but, once I started to hurt, he became uneasy.
"'Okay, honey," he breathed, That's enough."
"For an answer I brought my teeth even closer together.
"'Hey! Cut it out!" George cried and pulled my head up, forcing me to break contact.
"He looked at me in surprise. 'Are you a cannibal?" he wanted to know.
"'Yes," I told him, "I am a man-eater."
"I grabbed his now limp sex organ and bent down again. But the fellow didn't want to have anything more to do with me and zipped his prize shut. He dropped me off at my apartment where, to my delight, I found William... alone. He hadn't made out.
"He wanted to know all about the fellow I had left with and I became evasive.
"'William, I don't expect you to tell me all about your affairs, do I?"
"The poor man burned but tried to play it cool. My husband, with typical male ego, hated the idea that another man could satisfy his wife. Just to tease him I hinted that George was built along the order of King Kong. Men have a fetish about penis size; when they hear that some other fellow is excessively endowed it makes them feel small and impotent.
"After George there was John... and then Donald... and then ..,. Well, why go on, doctor? I've committed adultery with at least a dozen men, and all of them orally. Alvin asked me once if I were some kind of nut and I guess that's why I'm here. I must be at least a little mad. While I don't think adultery is some kind of madness, I do believe there must be something wrong with a woman who only fellates lovers and never fornicates them. I've tried to have sex in the straight way with these men, but something always holds me back. I just have to mouth them and bite their sex_ organs until they beg me to stop. I would like to stop. Can you help me, doctor?
DIAGNOSIS:
Ellen grew up resenting the freedom males have in the sexual area. As the only girl in a family of four brothers she became well aware that there was a double standard that restricted sexual expression amongst girls while allowing boys much wider license. She resents the fact that she had to remain a virgin for twenty-two years while her husband enjoyed total sexual freedom since the age of sixteen. Ellen does indeed suffer from penis-envy and this resentment of males found an outlet via fellatio. It isn't love that drives Ellen to mouth penises but hate. When she bites men sexually she is expressing a secret wish to render them impotent, to place them on her feminine level where they would not have male members but vaginas instead. To cure herself of penis-envy Ellen is trying to destroy the sex organs she will never have.
Franklin Klaf, in his book, "Nymphomania", claims that women who appear to be man lovers basically resent men for their enjoyment of the double sexual standard and therefore try to ape them by taking affairs casually and in great numbers. Ellen would not have turned to oral adultery if her husband had been faithful to her. But when William started to show off his extra-marital affairs, Ellen's submerged envy against men broke to the surface. Even then it took her four years before she acted upon her feelings because she is really a moral woman who cannot take a lover with ease. When Ellen finally did have another man for the first time in her marriage she could only accept him on an oral basis. By fellating instead of fornicating she could have the illusion that she wasn't really an adulteress. But Ellen found fellatio a way to control men and to completely dominate a penis. By having a male sex organ orally she gloried in the knowledge that she could castrate a man simply by bringing her teeth together. Ellen will never actually do this, of course, but the feeling of power alone is enough to satisfy her long-buried longings and resentment of men.
In every case of oral adultery Ellen found her men at parties. At no time was she ever completely sober when she performed sex acts upon these pick-ups. William Robie, in his study, "Sex And Life", states that women who must be primed with alcohol first before they allow themselves to have sex with men other than their husbands really desire a lasting marriage rather than a large number of lovers. This is true in Ellen's case. She only started having lovers when it was obvious that her husband would not stop having other girls. Ellen takes on lovers just to spite her husband and to show him that she, like him, can always find sex elsewhere.
Why can't Ellen bring herself to have 'straight' sex with the men she picks up at parties? One of the reasons is that she is afraid that she and not her husband is really fertile. Ellen enjoys her jet set life too much to take on the burden of an unwanted child. If she doesn't care to have a child by her husband she certainly will not be able to accept one by a stranger. It is true that Ellen can take precautions but her urge to have 'straight' sex with men other than her husband isn't all that strong. Her adulterous drive is completely oral.
When I pointed out my findings to the young woman she readily agreed with me that her oralism had its root in hate rather than love. Once she realized her problem she still had to solve it. The only way Ellen could ever really be happy was through a faithful marriage, but this could not be accomplished. William still insisted upon having affairs with other women, and Ellen, in revenge, went on having affairs... all oral... with other men.
A psychologist is not a judge or a policeman, and I could only show Ellen the cause of her problem and tell her how to solve it. Today this young, attractive woman is still picking up strange men at parties and fellating them, but at least she knows why and this, at least, is the beginning of a cure for her oral adulteries.
Chapter Two... Campus Sex
CASE HISTORY:
Name: Pamela M.
Age: 34
Pamela is a small, mousy woman who is married to a college professor. She is living proof of the old adage about appearances being deceiving for she looks like anything but the erotic type. When she spoke she blushed and lowered her eyes but this did not stop her from telling this most sensual story:
"I married fairly late in life... thirty. My husband, Thomas, is twelve years my senior and looks even older. His hair turned gray in his twenties and he never tried to cover it up. Unlike most men my husband takes a pride in looking mature. He doesn't have this youth complex that makes middle-aged men do their best to appear much younger. He tells me that his students at college respect him for it because too many teachers make themselves laughing stocks in their attempts to join the Now Generation. Thomas is the old-fashioned kind who believes that people should act their age.
"I used to teach school myself but on the ninth grade level. I quit after a year because I just couldn't handle children. I simply lacked the firm hand to keep the boys and girls in line. My parents were disappointed in me because they had paid so much for my education and now I proved a failure.
"After my mother died I moved back home to take care of dad. I was glad of the chance to be useful and make up for the failures in my life. My father told me that he didn't want to see me waste myself on taking care of him and urged me to take an apartment of my own. He wanted me to meet a young man and settle down. Since I was an only child he counted on me for grandchildren. I suppose this was another failure on my part since I was never able to produce any.
"In time my father stopped urging me to seek my own life and we had a nice enough life together. As a retired civil service employee he had a check coming in each month so we didn't have to worry about finances. It wasn't enough to live a life of luxury, of course, but retirement benefits took care of our needs.
"I was twenty-nine when my father died. Suddenly I was left alone in the world and didn't know where to turn. For one thing money became a problem. With my father dead there were no more retirement checks and he only left a few thousand in the bank. I considered going back to teaching but, at the last minute, I decided to sell the house instead to raise cash. After I collected close to thirty thousand on it I moved into a small apartment in a high-rise. I didn't have enough to live on for the rest of my life, naturally, but at least I didn't have to worry about finances for awhile.
"I had time on my hands and felt like an old lady at twenty-nine. With my father gone I no longer had a man in my life and I suddenly realized how lonely I was. Although I had a very nice apartment I dreaded going back to it at night. Just to hear another human voice I switched on the radio or the television set. I wanted to have a cat or dog but my lease forbade having animals in the building. And so, out of a feeling of unendurable loneliness, I forced myself out into the social stream again.
"Not far from my building were those 'single bars' where unmarried men and women got together. New York is filled with career girls in their twenties and thirties who have no other way to meet men. I didn't have a career but I certainly was single so I dropped around to one of them.
"It was early in the evening so there were more men in the bar then women. Females like to arrive late at places to make an entrance and to pretend that they weren't anxious for companionship. Since I had been out of the social swim for so long I had forgotten about these little ploys and the men stared at me when I went up to the bar and ordered a drink.
"I had picked a spot between two men about my age and felt their eyes on me. I knew that it would be only a matter of time before one of them would start a conversation. As you can see I'm not exactly a beauty but, in that bar at that time, I was someone to be competed for.
"The fellow on my right was the first to start a conversation. His name was Alan and he claimed he was an engineer. I say 'claimed' because strangers at bars usually lied about themselves. I lied, too, and said I was a free-lance writer. This sounded fashionable and also served to explain what I was doing at a bar so early. As one without regular hours time was my own.
"Alan bought me a couple of drinks and my inhibitions began to vanish. I started placing my hand on his legs and this gave him the idea I could be had for the asking. Well, maybe he was right. At my age I was more than ripe for love.
"Before I knew it I was out on the street with my pick-up. Alan led me to a cheap rooming house and we walked up four flights of stairs. For an 'engineer' he wasn't doing too well.
"I was pretty drunk because I wasn't used to alcohol. I let Alan lead me into his single room and I fell across the bed. My head swam and I felt his hands slip up under my dress. 'Don't!" I said weakly but he wasn't going to be stopped now.
"Alan licked my legs and sucked hickey marks on them. Sexual arousal made my nipples react and my vagina warmed quickly. I threw my arms against the mattress and let the man have his way with me. He stripped off the rest of my clothes and my body tingled under his leering gaze. 'You've got a cute little cunt," he told me and began to take off his own clothes.
"He had a great body, I had to say that much for him. His penis was fully erected and I couldn't keep my eyes off it. I was much too shy to say something like: 'You've got a handsome big cock."
"Alan placed his body on top of mine and he rammed his fleshy rod in between my legs. He wasn't wasting any time and I gasped as he thrust his meat back and forth. Alan was a rough lover who would make an experienced woman uneasy let alone a virgin.
"'Man, you're tight!" Alan exclaimed when he rammed into me.
"At first I thought he meant that I was drunk but I realized he was talking about my taut vagina. No doubt he figured that a woman my age had to have had a great number of men to loosen up her sexual slit. He kept pumping his large male organ into me despite my tightness and then released his come.
"He sighed heavily and pressed his weight down hard against my naked body. When he rolled off my flesh he could see why my cleft had been so narrow. 'You mean I busted you?" he asked with a boastful smile. 'Shit, and I thought you were a swinger!"
"It became increasingly obvious to me that Alan was just another handsome, virile nobody who cruised the singles bars in search of willing girls. I had no romantic illusions about him and marriage was out of the question. To him I was just something to pass the time with.
"I went back to the same bar the next day in hopes of meeting Alan but he was already pawing a new girl who was much younger and prettier than I was. For someone who had had intimate relations with me he acted as if I were a complete stranger and didn't even nod in my direction when I caught his eyes. I felt like the woman scorned.
"Another man at the bar offered to buy me a drink and I accepted. Once more I got loaded and wound up in a cheap room naked with a strange man. This began a brief fling at nymphomania and I gained a reputation at the singles bar as a 'sure lay'.
"I didn't mind giving men my body but I drew the line when they expected me to give them money. Since it became clear to the bar flies that I wasn't really a writer they all figured that I was some kind of heiress. While it was true I had a nice bundle of money in the bank it wasn't a fortune and it was all I had. The guys thought I was actually a millionairess who was being kept in check by lawyers who gave me just enough to live on each month. I didn't try to discourage this rumor since it gave me a touch of mystery. Of course, with the handsome studs thinking I was rich, it also gave me a lot of headaches. I became the target for con men.
"Martin was a clever one. He wasn't as obvious as the rest and pretended to love me for myself. I was so anxious to find a man and settle down that I told myself I was in love with him. Martin said he was an investment consular and it wasn't long before he had his hands on my thirty thousand. He seemed disappointed that it was all the money I had and that I wasn't a millionairess after all but he managed to put up a brave front... and disappear with just about every cent I had in the world.
"When I finally went to the police about Martin I found out that he was wanted in half the states in the union for bilking women out of their savings. Martin was never caught and I'm sure he's still busy making women fall in love with him.
"I was so disgusted with myself for being such a fool with men that I decided to give up sex. It was nice but I couldn't afford it. I had to find some kind of work to support myself so I went back into education not as a teacher but a staff worker in a nearby college. That's where I met Thomas.
"The first thing that impressed me about Thomas was his gray hair. He wasn't a young phony like the ones I used to find in bars. Thomas was a hard worker who didn't chase everything in skirts and I felt safe with him. When he asked me for dinner one night I accepted right away.
"Thomas said he liked me because I seemed down-to-earth and didn't throw myself at men. We had something in common. I didn't let Martin know why I appeared so cool to the opposite sex and let him believe I was a perfect lady.
"We dated for several months after that and Thomas never tried to get fresh with me. This didn't disappoint me because it proved that he wasn't another lecher. Thomas didn't give me an exciting life but he did give me a secure and safe one. It was as if I were back with my father again.
"I was thirty and Thomas was forty-two when we married, each for the first time. After having had so many rough-and-tumble lovers I could see that my new husband was somewhat undersexed.
Thomas was only forty-two and in good health but he simply wasn't interested much in passion. What he wanted more than anything else was companionship. I provided him with this just as I had provided it for my father. He had been my best friend and now my husband was in that role.
"After six months of marriage Thomas rationed out his sexual overtures to once every second week. Even then he performed intercourse as if it were a painful duty. As soon as he had an orgasm he would pull his penis out of my vagina and then go to sleep.
"Yes, Thomas didn't give me the sex I needed but I still loved him. All those other men had given me sex but none had ever loved me. Thomas loved me and this meant more than erotic gratification.
"It wasn't until the third year of our marriage that I felt the urge to have sex with another man. My husband worked mainly with post-graduate students; young men in their twenties. These fellows dropped by to see their teacher all the time so I had temptation staring me in the face. Most of these fellows were unmarried because they were only beginning their careers. They made me think of those bar flies who were always on the look-out for willing females. I was almost a decade older than most of these students but I found myself getting increasingly interested in them. They assumed that my interest was a professional one since, after all, I was the professor's wife.
"I tried to stop myself from being drawn into an adulterous relationship with one of my husband's students by attempting to get him to become more passionate. At night I would take his penis in my hand and play with it even though it wasn't our time of the month for sex. I would rub my pubic patch up against his legs at the same time but Thomas would always say something like: 'I'm too tired, dear." Thomas was usually 'too tired."
"The next day after one such night of frustrated love a young fellow named Dick came to see my husband. Thomas was delayed at school for some reason so I told the young man to make himself comfortable. I made both of us drinks and I kept staring at him. He was a very handsome boy with red hair and blue eyes. 'You must have a lot of girl friends," I said bringing up the subject of sex quickly.
"'I'm too busy for girls," he smiled and actually blushed. So few young men blush these days.
"The telephone rang at that point. Thomas called to say that he was going to be a couple of hours late. I didn't mention that Dick was waiting for him. I didn't want him to hurry home on the boy's account. I wanted Dick to myself.
"When I told the cute lad about my husband's call he said that he would come back some other day. I just couldn't bear to see him walk out of the house so I made him another drink. After a third drink we were both a little drunk. I rubbed up against the handsome young stud and groped at his crotch. When I did he finally realized just why I was detaining him and he pressed his lips against mine. I clutched at his firm young body. Dick started to unzip my dress and this made me pull away from him. 'No," I breathed.
"The fellow looked annoyed. 'No?" he repeated. 'Isn't that what you wanted?"
"Dick reminded me of those fellows I used to pick up at bars, all right. Somehow I felt he, like them, would treat me as just another object. I remembered my promise not to have sex with these good looking studs anymore. I didn't want to be taken for a fool again no matter how much I wanted sex.
"'I guess I'll leave," Dick told me, still burning over my rejection.
"I groped at his crotch and held him. 'Stay here," I all but whispered.
"The student looked confused until I zipped his fly open. He was in a state of erection. My hands slipped over his iron-hard pole of sex. After all those limp nights with my husband it was good to grab a powerfully virile young man again. I wanted sex and yet I didn't want to commit adultery. There seemed to be only one solution. I went down on my knees...
"'A blow job?" I heard Dick say in wonder. 'Is that what you want to give me?"
"He was crude but correct. I licked the shiny, scarlet head of his stiff penis and then opened my mouth. The long bulk of his sex organ filled me and I bobbed my head up and down along his uplifted manhood.
"The young man stood in front of me with his pants and shorts down about his knees and his prick deep in my mouth. I kept fellating until the young man patted my head. 'I'm going to shoot my load," he said as if by way of warning.
"I suppose he wanted to give me the choice of pulling my mouth away from him or not. Even in the midst of this oral passion he was being considerate. Maybe he wasn't so much like those bar flies, after all.
"I pushed my mouth all the way down his stiff tool and sucked. Dick climaxed. His flow was very strong and I kept swallowing down his hot and salty fluid. How very virile the lad was! Although I loved my middle-aged husband he just could not provide me with all the sex I craved for. Well, at least I was not committing adultery... not really. Mouthing wasn't fornicating.
"Dick's sex organ grew soft in my mouth and I stood up. I couldn't face him but he embraced me hard and, vital male that he was, he tried to take off my dress once more. Again I had to push him away. He smiled wickedly. 'You just like to go down, right?" he wanted to know.
"The student was patronizing me but I could hardly blame him. How many faculty wives perform acts of sex perversion on campus studs? I implored Dick not to spread the word about me. After all, there was my husband's reputation to think of as well as my own.
"Can I see you again?" he asked by way of answer.
"I then understood what he wanted. He wanted me to perform more oral acts upon him in the future. I was being blackmailed but I didn't care. I wanted to mouth Dick's virile manhood again.
"The student came back the following day, not to see my husband, but to see me. He thought I was a bit odd for only wanting oral sex, yet he didn't try to push any other kind upon me. We both stripped and went to bed. I licked his smooth, hard body and sucked his penis into spewing action once more.
"Dick returned time and time again until he grew tired of my weird sexual demands. On his last visit he told me that he wasn't going to come back until I screwed him in the regular way. 'Hell," he complained, "I know girls who do everything but French. You do it the other way around."
"'Each to his and her own taste," I replied lightly.
"'Well, getting Frenched all the time isn't my taste," Dick said. 'I can get as much from a fag."
"As much as I liked the strong and handsome boy, I couldn't give him my vagina. He had to be satisfied with my mouth or nothing. Eventually he picked nothing and didn't bother coming back.
"There was more than one stud on the campus and I knew I would never be lonely. I could've had teenaged lads, but I drew the line at child molestation. There were plenty of adult students in the post-graduate classes for me to play around with.
"I didn't even have to go looking for young men... they came to the house. At first they came to see Thomas, but soon I had them looking for me. When I started with Dick, I had to get high on alcohol, but I no longer needed to be braced up in such a fashion as I went down from stud to stud. The more men I had, the less guilty I became about sex.
"My dear husband became aware of these students who dropped by the house, but he was the typical absent-minded professor and never realized what the studs really wanted. 'These fellows keep missing me, dear," he told me once. 'Try to hold them for me if I'm not going to be out too long.
"This made the situation weird. A muscular stud named Garry actually did want to see my husband for some reason, but he also wanted the use of my mouth. He arrived at the house an hour before Thomas and we went into the bedroom where we removed our clothes. Garry had a great body and one of the biggest pricks I had ever seen. When I mouthed him, I almost choked myself to death trying to get it all in. He shot his load and I felt as if I were drowning in his manly fluid.
"After I had sucked the young man off, he tried to mount me. Usually all I had to do was tell the stud to stop but this one was almost out of control. He got the head of his partially erected penis into my vagina and I clawed at his back so hard that I made him bleed. He screamed and slapped me. Once he lost that driving urge he apologized. 'I'm sorry, Pamela," he said, "but you really turn a guy on with that mouth of yours."
"I was flattered. 'My husband will be home any minute so I'd better fix your back up first," I told him and applied Band-Aids to his cuts which weren't deep at all.
"By the time Thomas came in, Garry was fully clothed and was sitting there with an innocent expression on his face. He talked with him for a half hour or so and then left. It never failed to amaze me that my husband never got the hint that his students were more interested in me than in him.
"But I'm afraid that he will find out sooner or later and that's why I want to stop my oral need for young males. In the past few years I've fellated over thirty men! I'm sure some of them have spoken to others about me, but I've been lucky since my reputation around the campus is still good. How good will it be if my secret is ever discovered? How much longer can this go on?
"Poor Thomas. He means so much to me. If I had a choice of having empty sex relations with an unlimited number of studs for the rest of my life and my middle-aged, sexually indifferent husband, I would pick Thomas. Championship is more important than sex in the long run and I don't want to lose a man who likes me for myself and not my mouth or my money. No man since my father had ever been so kind to me and, if I lose Thomas, I doubt that I will ever find another. I live in fear that one day he will find out about my affairs with his students and I will be cast out into the world again. At my age I can't afford to be an orphan. Once was enough."
DIAGNOSIS:
Pamela may be in her thirties, but emotionally she is still a very young girl. When she lived alone and taught school she could not take it because she needed someone to lean on. After her mother died, she went to live with her father under the guise that he needed her care. Actually it was the other way around; Pamela needed the care and affection of her father.
As long as Pamela had a man in her life she was not bothered by her strong sexual drives, but once he died, these feelings came to surface. The young woman couldn't act upon these feelings because she was still too immature to face the world alone so she sold her house in order to have enough money to love on. This prevented her from going out and looking for a job. Yet she still needed a man and this need overpowered his basic shyness. Once she discovered the joys of sex, she went from man to man.
Martin, the con man who took all her money, was a traumatic shock to Pamela. She realized that she had been a fool and retreated from her new-found joys of sex. In Thomas she found a father she could center her life around once more because those had been the happiest years of her life.
The older man provided her with the companionship her father had given her, but he did not provide her with the sex she craved. If Thomas had been as virile as one of her studs had been, she would've been happy, but as it turned out, the professor was low-keyed as far as sex went. He probably had avoided marriage until he was forty-two because he was afraid he would not be able to satisfy the demands of a wife. In Pamela he thought he had found a like mind who was as low keyed as he, and was disappointed when she proved to be far more sensual than she appeared.
Benjamin Morse, in his book, MODERN MARRIAGE MANUAL, claims that many undersexed men have a deep fear of not meeting the demands of women, so they usually avoid marriage altogether. Men like Thomas, however, who find that they must have someone to live with, make sure that they pick a mate who doesn't seem to be sexual or demanding. When the professor thought that quiet Pamela filled this bill, he proposed, not knowing that she was quiet only because she had had too many sex affairs as was in seclusion from being hurt again by a new one. It was a case of mistaken identity when the pair met and married.
Pamela, however, wanted to relive her life with her father and so was able to take her husband's lack of sexual attention in stride... to a point. When a young student provided her with the opportunity to express her long-repressed sexual needs, Pamela let herself go. She turned to fellatio instead of fornication out of a belief that oral sex acts did not constitute adultery. Even in her most pressing needs, the woman could not hurt her husband.
The woman also picked fellatio as her form of sexual expression because she wanted to avoid repeating her former bout with near nymphomania since it had brought her so much unhappiness in the end. By mouthing men this time instead of fornicating them, she could feel that history would not repeat itself since she was not repeating the same kind of sexual sessions. In oralism, Pamela thought she found a way to release her longings and yet stay faithful to a man she really loved. When I made it clear to her that fellatio was adultery, Pamela wept. She realized that she had been kidding herself all along.
Today Pamela has made a good adjustment to life and marriage. Once she stopped rationalizing away her guilt about fellatio by claiming it wasn't really adultery, she stopped having lovers. Although her husband hasn't become more passionate, she is willing to accept what love he can give her. While young studs are very virile, none of them have given her what she values even more than sex... the security of an affectionate mature man. Emotionally, the thirty-four year old woman is still a little girl in need of a father despite her many affairs, oral and otherwise.
Chapter Three... Revenge is Sweet
Case History:
Name: Dorothy S.,
Age: 50
Dorothy is a plump woman with bright brown eyes and expensive clothes. She is married to a well-to-do contractor who made her come to see me after discovering her with another man. From the onset she made it clear that she was only seeing me to please her husband and spoke in a crisp and bitter way.
"Arnold thinks I'm crazy because I've had other men. Well, he's had a lot more girls than I've had boys so what the shit is bugging him? But since he's paying for these shrink sessions I'll go along with it. After we're finished I'll get him to see you. Yes, and I'll pay.
"I shouldn't kick about Arnold; he's a good provider if anything. He's not much to look at but he's got a brain. We've been married to one another for twenty-seven years and we're grandparents nine times over so you can see we're not going to jump into a Divorce Court without a damned good excuse. That's the real reason why I'm here in the first place; my husband wants to cure me of making it with other men. He thinks I'm sick. I think he's sick for believing that for a second. Shit, what's so sick about having guys lick your body? I'm sure he's had more than one girl do that to him.
"Look, doctor, I don't want to waste your time probing into my past because I can give you the whole story right now.
"I was one of ten kids and I don't have to tell you we were poor. I can't see why in the hell poor people always insisted on having so many children. When I married I made sure I never had more than three. Anyhow, being one of ten in a poor family didn't make me a living doll. I learned early in life that I had to fight for every bit of affection that came my way. That's why I wound up buying boys in my middle years. Let me explain that!
"You see, I never was a pretty kid and I thought I had really been cheated by life. Being poor was bad enough but did I have to be ugly besides? My sisters were pretty which meant that plain looks didn't run in the family and they found boyfriends to make life worth living. As for me I had to all but throw myself at boys to let them know I was alive.
"Homely girls usually, withdraw into themselves but I wasn't the withdrawn type. Because boys ignored me I spent many a night at home when I should've been at a party or dance someplace. My older sisters married out of poverty using their looks to buy husbands. All of us buy and sell one another like pieces of furniture in one way or another I learned this before I was ten.
"When I got out of high school I went to work in a factory to help support the family. College was out of the question. No one in my family went on to college because we all considered a high school diploma, especially for a girl, something of a prize. Of course that was back when I was a kid. Today a high school diploma is considered to be only a stepping stone on to bigger and better things.
"I didn't go far with my diploma because I found myself working along with morons at the factory. When I looked around me I wondered if it was worth the sweat to go on living. I didn't mind the work or my lousy home so much as I missed the lack of romance in my life. If I had a boy to love me then I could take any crap the world handed out.
"When I saw one of my sisters marry off I made up my mind to have love no matter what. I was dumpy and plain but I was no shrinking violet. I all but made a pass at one twenty year old guy who worked along with me at the factory. His name was Tony and he had the reputation as a skirt-chaser. If it was pussy he was after he could have mine any day.
"Tony wasn't one to turn down an offer from anything so he followed me out of work one day and said, "Let's take the long way home, kid."
"He took me into the bushes near the factory and felt up my breasts. It wasn't the most romantic spot in the world but it was better than nothing. When I took off my blouse and bra he rubbed his fingers over my nipples. 'Nice tits," he said and then had me take off the rest of my clothes.
"There is a lot to the business about a boy not respecting you for giving in too easily. Since I threw myself at Tony lie treated me like a whore. When I was naked he made cracks about my figure and I got mad. 'If you don't like what you see then forget about it," I told him.
"I was about to put my clothes back on when he told me to take it easy. 'I was only pulling your leg, kid," he said.
"Tony opened his pants and exposed his cock. It was limp and long. I hadn't even excited the bastard. He started jerking his meat into hardness and I didn't know if it was my figure that turned him off or if it was because he had had too much sex that day already and had run out of steam. At any rate he couldn't get it up. He looked at me in disgust and then told me to French him. 'Maybe I just need a little encouragement from you, doll," he said.
"I went down on my knees in front of him and took his prick orally. As I mouthed him he started to react. When his dick was big and hard I pulled my mouth away hoping that he would now throw his meat in between my legs. 'Keep going... keep going," he said excitedly. 'You're doing fine."
"Well, this was some reaction from the lover, at least, so I went back to Frenching him. He shot his load in my mouth and I spat the stuff out on the ground. I hadn't expected this. I thought he just wanted to make him a bit more harder but, instead, he planned to have me go all the way.
"I was angry and told him off. 'Maybe you're some kind of fruit who can't do it the normal way," I said.
"He laughed. 'Doll, I just wanted to see if you were my type," he said. 'I don't waste time on girls who only want to do it one way."
"I believed him because I wanted to believe him. Tony promised to screw me in the right way and in a room. For me this was some kind of big deal. It was as if he were giving me more than I had a right to expect. But, even then, he didn't go through with it. Instead he told all the morons at the factory about me and soon these creeps started hanging around me asking me if I wanted to take a trip to the bushes. Tony thought it was all a big joke.
"I left the factory telling myself that I was too smart for such a dumb job. The real truth was that I couldn't take those hard-up morons who wanted me to go down on them any more. As it turned out it was a good move because I found a better paying job at an office. The employer liked me because I busted my hump trying to make good. I guess I threw all my sexual energies into work that time. With all the frustrations I had some kind of success had to be in my future. By the time I was twenty I was the head of my floor. The girls who worked under me called me a bitch and every other thing but I did get work out of them. I hated them as much as they hated me because I knew that they were all slated to marry while I had to make up my mind to be a career girl.
"I met Arnold at a company dance. He was a short, fat guy none of the girls wanted to dance with so I made myself available to him. I could see that he had his hot eyes on the beautiful and shapely girls but he got stuck with me. When I accepted his invitation to dance he seemed almost grateful that someone had shown him some attention. Well, I could say the same about myself. We were two wallflowers that found one another.
"What Arnold lacked in looks he more than made up for in brains. I could see that he was destined to go places so I hitched myself to his rising star. He did get lazy now and then but I was used to pushing work out of people so part of his rise could be credited to me.
"My family didn't like Arnold much because they measured him against all the good looking guys my sisters married. Still they knew I had few options about marriage material. As a beggar I couldn't be a chooser.
"Arnold got the same reaction from his family when he took me to meet them. People acted as if being homely and dumpy were crimes. Anyhow, once both our families got used to seeing us together we didn't look all that bad.
"Both of us were in our mid-twenties when we married which meant that neither one of us had to suffer the pangs of solitude long. My family had written me off as an old maid so the marriage came as a surprise to them. I had all but written myself off as an old maid, too, but it looked like I wasn't going to suffer that fate after all.
"Arnold was with a construction company driving a tractor at the time of our marriage. He made pretty good money when he got jobs but his kind of work depended on contracts so that he was laid off a lot of times. Money was scarce but I was used to that. When I became pregnant I was afraid I might get stuck in the same poor trap I had come out of and this made me push my husband all the more to get ahead.
"My husband was a strong lover and he had a good-sized dong. Unlike Tony he didn't mind screwing me in the pussy. Arnold told me about his unhappy youth which was much like my own. All his life girls had rejected him because of his looks. It was surprising that we managed to breed very attractive children. At least we knew they wouldn't go through the same hell.
"Life was hard but I had all the love I needed to bear it for the next few years. My husband went from tractor driver to foreman and on to an executive position with the company. All the while our children grew into attractive adults who married and had children of their own.
"When my last child left the house to marry I discovered that I had lots of time and money. Arnold kept suggesting that I go on long trips by myself. He claimed he was too busy to take extended vacations with me. The truth of the matter was he wanted to have more time with his chicks.
"Arnold always did spend much of his time away from home. I took it for granted that he spent it at work. I never dreamed that my husband, my hard-working man, was actually playing around with girls old enough to be his daughters. I found out about Arnold's affairs when I caught him once with a pretty blonde with a wonderful body. He had taken her into the house we shared when he thought I had gone off on a vacation. I had missed the plane and had returned home only to find Arnold in bed with this girl who was barely out of her teens.
"I looked on speechless as she popped out of bed waving her naked ass while my husband just lay there like a frozen statue. Since I wasn't one who kept things bottled up inside myself I let out a scream and slapped the girl around. When my husband tried to break up the cat fight I clawed him across his ugly mug.
"'Dorothy," he tried to explain, "it really isn't nothing. She is just some girl."
"'I can see that!" I screamed back. 'I can see that she isn't a boy!"
"Arnold told me that it was natural for men his age to have affairs. 'After all," he said, "you can't expect a man to go through life having only one woman."
"Well, it seemed that now that my husband was loaded girls flocked to him as they hadn't during his youth. To girls there is no such thing as a rich ugly man. Once a man has money he is a movie idol. There are girls who can take men in any shape and at any age so long as they are willing to pay. The blonde, of course, was just another hooker but she still shook me up. I wondered how many other girls my husband had been fooling around with and he confessed that he had been going to high-priced call girls for years!
"The one thing that had made life bearable for me was the love of my husband and now he told me that I never even had that really. He didn't start chasing other girls until he was past forty but it didn't take him long to make up for all the girls he had missed as a young man.
"After the blonde left and I had calmed down I couldn't blame my husband. I understood him because we were so much alike. After a lifetime of loneliness and of being married to a not-so-pretty woman he had reached a point where he had the money to attract the kind of cunts he had always hungered for. I knew enough not to make him promise to give up these girls. He had worked his ass off all his life and he deserved his fun. Yes, and I deserved my fun, too.
"The next day I went back to the airport and caught a plane. I was sure that Arnold got the blonde back into bed as soon as he realized I had actually taken off this time. So my husband was playing around. Many married men in their forties did the same. I was sure that just as many married women made it with studs, too, and I calmly decided to get me some of that action.
"I went to a resort near the beach. The joint was crawling with prostitutes... of both sexes. Since women were supposed to have the same rights as men I couldn't see what was so wrong about hiring a stud.
"The male whores posed as beach boys, those young men who ran all kinds of errands for guests. I had always been aware of their existence but had never thought about using them until now. I fixed my gaze on one very attractive fellow who was half my age and who posed about the pool in a bikini. I could see that he was more in love with himself than anything else but was willing to allow others to adore him... for a price.
"Gregory was popular with the middle-aged ladies at the resort and I joined the chorus of love-starved women. I got the tanned vision to come into my room on some excuse. He knew what I really wanted and was prepared to go all the way. At the age of fifty I decided to commit adultery for the first time. I didn't feel guilty about it because I knew that my husband had been screwing girls on the side for years.
"As soon as we entered my room and locked the door I made a pass at the young man. I patted his fanny and told him that he had a beautiful tan. 'Are you brown all over?" I wanted to know.
"He gave me a weak smile as if to say that my approach was a corny one. I was sure he had heard dozens of different versions of that line. 'There aren't many places to sunbathe in the nude around here," he informed me. 'See how little sun I got on my ass."
"Gregory pulled his trunks down and revealed his pale rear end as if it were the crown jewels. His penis was limp and he had a sandy patch of pubic hair. I took the cock in my hand and played with it. 'How much?" I asked getting directly to the point.
"He made a face. I could see that he wasn't used to this direct question. I suppose male prostitutes and female clients hedged around first about price and I had taken the play away from him with my abrupt question. But I always found directness to be a virtue and I wasn't going to let this pretty-boy take me for a ride. Shit, since I was paying for him I deserved to know how much he expected.
"'Well, we can discuss price later," he hedged and took his cock out of my hand as if he didn't want me to get any free feels.
"'Let's talk about it now," I demanded. 'If you don't want me I can find another boy who..."
"'Fifty dollars," he said suddenly once he realized that I wasn't one of his love-struck old ladies who depended on him alone for sex.
"Fifty. My husband paid as much as a hundred a night for his call girls. I told the guy he had better be good for that price and he gave me another of his weak, annoyed smiles. Gregory was a beauty physically but he was really nothing inside. The bastard had probably been spoiled so much by women all his life that he took the female sex for granted.
"I took off my clothes and the son-of-a-bitch didn't even look at me when I was naked. This galled me no end. The least he could've done was flash me a leer. Of course I knew that I wasn't exactly the type to turn men on. I hadn't been attractive as a girl and age hadn't improved my looks.
"When I slipped next to the nude young man on top of the bed he took his prick in his hand and started to pull on it. My annoyance grew. I wasn't going to give him fifty bucks for jerking off!
"'I... I've had other commitments," Gregory explained nervously. Commitments, that was a polite way of saying cunts.
"'Let me pull on that thing," I said and grabbed his meat.
"Gregory lay back on the bed like a woman and allowed me to jerk his cock into hardness. As it started to swell he spread his legs wide, showing off. 'Why not take it in your mouth?" he asked. 'You can get it harder that way."
"I was about to lean over to such when something stopped me. I then thought of Tony, that stud from the factory. He had made the same demand. 'I suppose you want to come in my mouth," I said.
"'If that's what you want," he answered coyly.
"The bastard! Like Tony he had an aversion to my body and wanted a French job to complete the sex act. Things hadn't changed much. Boys still avoided loving me. Well, there was one thing that did change and that was the fact that now I could call the sexual shots. I let go of the stud's prick and rolled over on my back. 'How about you going down on me instead?" I asked, glaring into his cold eyes.
"Gregory jumped slightly. I suppose he wasn't used to having his clients make such demands. He didn't seem to care much for my offer and I watched his prick soften once more after all the hard work we had put in to make it stiff.
"This time I was the one to spread my legs and grin. Gregory lay on his side and placed a hand on one of my breasts. He started licking the nipple. If he had an idea that this was going to be the Frenching I had bought he was sadly mistaken. The bastard was going to put those rosy lips of his against my pussy and lap inside me with his tongue if he expected to leave the room fifty bucks richer.
"I liked the way he sucked on my nipple, though. As he mouthed me he reached down to my slit and stuck a finger inside. He found my clit and excitement began to well up in me.
"I slipped my hands over his tanned and muscular back. He was really very beautiful. But, compared to my husband, anyone would be beautiful. The more I saw of the stud the more I understood Arnold. After sleeping with me for so many years he just had to get him some pretty meat.
"Gregory licked my breasts and sucked each nipple until they were sticking up like a couple of baby cocks. To my disappointment his own cock lay limp. Although he was exciting me I wasn't doing a thing to him. Well, I was sure that my husband hardly turned on those little whores of his, either.
"The stud reached my thighs with his mouth. He ran his tongue all over them as if building up courage to press his mouth against my half-century old vagina. Finally he licked my bush and then pressed his lips against my opening. 'Lick all the way in, doll," I all but ordered. 'I want a complete job."
"The nude man sighed and spread the lips of my sexual cleft apart. He was no novice at going down on women and knew just how to use his tongue. He whipped it across my clitoris and triggered spasms of passions inside my body. I massaged his bobbing head with my fingertips and moaned aloud. 'More... more," I urged.
"Gregory seemed pleased by my reaction and his dick began to swell with pride as he shoved his face in between my legs. I pressed my inner thighs against his smooth cheeks as he gave me the best French job I had ever enjoyed.
"'Are there any other boys like you around here?" I asked after he was finished.
"'Yes, but I can take care of you," he told me.
"Now that he could see that I was good for a fifty he wanted to be my exclusive serviceman. I couldn't see the point in that. My husband didn't restrict himself to just one girl so why should I have only one stud?
"The gigolo-beach boys had their own grapevine and I was soon pegged as a bit of a nut because I never wanted a straight fuck. Well, that isn't exactly right; I did want to be laid in the normal way but I also wanted to make it harder for these boys. If they didn't like the idea of throwing their meat into me I could just imagine how they felt about mouthing my pussy.
"At fifty bucks a shot my money didn't last long at the resort but it was still the best vacation I ever had. During my stay I had seven different studs French me and I was certain that my husband couldn't say as much about the girls he messed with.
"I wanted to brag about my adventures when I got home but I wanted to make my husband feel guilty about being caught with a girl. If I told him about Gregory and the others he would stop feeling guilty and he would be off the hook. As it was he always tried to make up to me by not complaining about the amounts of cash I drew from our joint account and of the trips I kept going on.
"Through my call boys I learned of other places where women could enjoy stud service. The next place I went to was less than eighty miles away from my front door. It was supposed to be a 'health farm' where women went to lose weight. Instead of beach boys the place had masseurs who doubled as whores. On my first night there I asked one of these masseurs to come to my room to do his duty. In came this big, hairy guy wearing tight pants and a tee shirt. He was in his late twenties which meant he could be my son. Frank rubbed my naked body with his strong hands. He really did know how to give massages. Frank spread my buttocks apart and spent a lot of time rubbing my ass. Then he slapped my can and told me to roll over. When I did I could see that his prick had grown stiff and it bulged his crotch. I placed a foot against it. 'I see you like your work," I told him.
"This was all he needed to go into his pitch. 'I do more than massage," he said and opened his fly.
"His dick was big and healthy. I flicked my foot against it and the man got ready to mount me as if I had already asked for a screw. He was a handsome stud but I didn't like the way he took me for granted. Just as he was about to push his dick into me I said, "French me."
"He stopped as if struck by a bullet. 'You don't want it straight?" he asked in a surprised tone.
"'Not today," I told him. "Frank seemed unhappy about not going through with the screwing and he turned his face towards my hairy patch. Down went his mouth and, like Gregory, he knew how to make oral love. "I kept on having young men mouth me and I always got a kick out of the way they reacted to my demands. I was the first woman who ever wanted French jobs and nothing else. Every other broad was only too happy to have a guy ram his meat in between their legs. I was just as sex-hungry but I had different needs. There was something about having a handsome guy go down on me that thrilled my entire being.
"My husband went on staying out late and he always pretended that he was working even though I knew he was plowing into some new cutie. I was dying to tell him about my loves. I wanted to show him that two could play the same game. But, like all men, he thought that prostitute-chasing was strictly a male occupation. The only men who thought otherwise were the studs who sold their bodies to females.
"After a while I got careless and made the mistake of bringing studs home. My husband caught me with a cute lad of twenty and blew his stack. It was a repeat of that scene we had together in the bedroom except our roles were now reversed; I was the one with the whore.
"Arnold wanted to beat the guy up but I managed to put and end of that. My husband was no match for this boy and he would've had his head handed to him. Arnold thought I was crazy and that's why I'm here. After listening to my story you must know I'm not nuts. I'm just an old bag who likes young guys to French her. If that's insanity then at least half the women in the world must be mad." DIAGNOSIS:
Dorothy is one of the most stable oral adulteresses I've ever met because she is not guilty about her affairs and knows why she wants men to perform cunnilingus upon instead of fornication. When Tony, the boy she met at the factory when she was a girl, had her fellate him she realized that it was because he had not found her attractive enough to have genital-to-genital intercourse with. Tony compounded this insult by telling morons at work about her and she had to bear their clumsy overtures. Dorothy never forgot this and found sweet revenge in making young men perform oral acts upon her in later life.
The woman was not satisfied having these men without her husband knowing about it. She did not like the idea that her husband could go through life enjoying girls and thinking that she was ready for the sexual scrap heap. Although Dorothy couldn't bring herself to tell her husband directly about her affairs she managed to have him "accidentally" catch her in the act with another man. Actually she wanted to revenge herself upon her husband this time for his years of adultery.
Helen Deutsch, in her book, Neurosis And Character, points out that many accidents are based on a hidden desire to hurt oneself or someone else. A man bent on suicide, for example, but who is unable to kill himself directly may drive when drunk and wind up in a car crash. Dorothy acted like this when she brought a man home secretly knowing that her husband would catch them both in bed.
I couldn't help the woman in any way because she was determined to go on having men. I could only point out that it was neurotic of her to restrict her affairs to oral acts. If she had to have other men she might just as well enjoy them completely.
At this writing the woman and her husband have come to an agreement whereby each has a right to a private life and private "friends." This is actually a far more mature arrangement than getting a divorce. In time they will tire of having lovers and turn to one another again. Sex passes but true love is lasting.
Chapter Four... The Pain of Love
Case History:
Name: Alma K.
Age: 42
Alma is a tall, well-proportioned woman who is married to a lawyer. She has two children attending out-of-state colleges. The woman was referred to me after she had been found beaten in a hallway. Alma wore dark glasses all through the first session to hide the fact that both her eyes were swollen and bruised.
"You 11 forgive me if I don't take these glasses off. I look a sight. You would think I had been in a heavyweight boxing match and had come out the loser. Black eyes may look attractive on men, because it gives them that rugged look they all prize. As a woman, I hardly want to look rugged. What I would like to do is hide my face from the world until it is fully healed. My husband, Carl, feels differently. He thinks I'm in desperate need of psychological help. I am sure he's right. My husband is never wrong about anything.
"Carl is a corporation lawyer and our two sons are taking courses at college that will lead them into the legal profession. I feel stupid because I couldn't make it through college. It wasn't a matter of money, because my parents could well afford it. If I had enough brains, I could've gone on to be Ph.D. My husband had to work his way through school, and he always wondered why I never took advantage of my opportunities. Anyhow, he made sure that our sons were well educated. When the three of them get together I feel so left out. It is as they're talking in a different language.
"As a girl, I wasn't a bit interested in education and spent most of my time cutting classes. With some friends of mine I'd take in a movie. I used to get a beating when I got home and my parents kept shouting that I would never amount to anything. I always wondered why I should amount to anything; what was wrong with just enjoying life?
"Boys didn't like smart girls anyhow. They were comfortable with me and I was very popular. I made up my mind to marry early and raise a family. That is a woman's normal function.
"My parents didn't like to have me see too many boys. I suppose they were afraid I'd get pregnant or something. My parents were such squares. I don't think they liked sex at all because I was an only child. I always had the feeling that they tried sex just once and then found out that they didn't like it. I was the result of that one and only roll in the hay.
"I wanted more out of life than getting bored in school and marrying some juiceless jerk like my father. When I was sixteen, I ran away from home for the first time. I was so fed up with my folks trying to push me into a mold where I didn't belong that I had to escape.
A fellow in his thirties picked me up in a car and he kept asking me a lot of questions. I tried to lie and say that I was on my way to see friends, but I wasn't all that smart. He knew that I was a runaway. He pulled up to a dirt road and started kissing me. It was fun for awhile, but then he opened my blouse and pulled off my bra. I told him that I would scream if he kept that up, but he only laughed. 'Go right ahead," he told me. 'There is nobody within miles of this spot."
"I screamed and he just sat there. When I tried to get out of the car, he pulled me back. 'Take it easy, sweetheart," he said. 'I just want a little fun."
"His idea of fun was rape. He slapped me a few times to get me quiet and then he pulled his pants down. His dick was sticking up and he waved it in front of my face. 'Ever been fucked before?" he wanted to know.
"I shook my head and he told me that he had a special passion for virgins. 'I like to break you cherries in right," he said and tore my skirt off.
"The man threw his entire weight against me and his penis was like a knife cutting into my flesh. I screamed even though I knew it was useless. He wasn't gentle and pumped his tube of flesh into me fast and hard, while I squirmed against the front seat of the car. Then he shot his juice. I felt it pour into my body like hot water. 'Like it, baby?" he kept asking. 'Like it?"
"The rapist actually thought I should enjoy being his victim. He pressed his body against mine until he had no more come left. As soon as he had satisfied himself, he had no use for me and kicked me out of the car. I was in the middle of nowhere, but I didn't care so long as I didn't have to face him any longer.
"I was lying in the dirt, naked and there was a lot of blood between my legs. I had to be grateful that he had thrown my clothes out along with me. I dried up the blood with my blouse and put my clothes back on and then started walking.
"After a couple of hours I reached a farm house where I called the police. When the cops came they acted as if I deserved my trouble. 'That's what you get for running away from home," they said.
"Since I had given the police a good description of the man and his car, he was caught that day. He denied everything and stuck to his story that he had never seen me before. Because I couldn't actually prove he raped me, he was set free.
"If this wasn't bad enough, it turned out I was pregnant. My folks began to wonder if I had made up a rape story just to explain my condition. Anyhow, they arranged for an abortion. It was illegal, but they stuck their necks out that much for me. After if was over, they made sure I never stayed out later than ten at night.
"I didn't want to go to college, but I went just to please them. They picked an all-girls school to make sure I wouldn't come home with a belly filled with a bastard. Although I tried to make good at college, it was just no use and I dropped out. My parents all but stopped talking to me after that.
"I married Carl just to escape my home again. I really didn't love him, but he was in love with me. Carl was just too stiff and formal for my tastes. I liked warm, out-going boys you could have fun with. My parents liked Carl, though, and that was another reason I married him. I wanted to do something right for once in my life.
"Even though I slept with Carl and had two children by him, I never felt close to him. We just didn't have the same interests. I liked to watch television, but he said it was only for dopes. He liked lectures, but they bored me silly. I always wondered why he had picked me instead of another girl. When I asked him about this, he said that it was something he always asked himself.
"There are worst marriages, I suppose. Carl was a good provider, at least, and we bought a nice house out in the suburbs. While the community was attractive, I found it dull. I needed excitement but my husband didn't care about going out on weekends.
"When the boys grew up they brought their young friends to the house, and this was fun. I found that I had more in common with teen-aged kids than I did with my adult neighbors. This was fine until my sons outgrew me and became serious like their father. I was a stranger in my own home.
"When the boys went away to college, I was even more isolated than ever. Out of sheer boredom, I started drinking in the daytime. My husband put a quick end to this and all but ordered me to go to the city and take up courses in things like art. He was the one who started me on the road that led to this beating.
"Art, like everything else that was too high class, bored me to tears. Still, I went to the city and pretended to be interested in my culture classes. What I really did was see movies just as I had when I was a girl cutting classes at school.
"The movies I liked best were the Swedish sex films. Not many women went to these movies alone and I soon found out why. As soon as I sat down, a guy took a seat next to me. He started looking at my face instead of the screen, and then he placed his hand on my knee. I moved away and he took off without a word. It was exciting, really. I wondered how far he would've gone if I had accepted his overtures.
"When I went home that night, I kept thinking of the man in the movie house. I hadn't really gotten a good look at him, but he had appeared to be younger than I was. Maybe he wasn't a creep after all, but some lonely guy wanting to make contact with someone warm. I knew just how he felt. I've always wanted to make contact with someone warm, but it never happened.
"The next time I went to the city I picked a movie house in a district that sold nudist magazines and things like that. I wasn't interested in the picture; I just wanted someone to sit next to me. It wasn't long before a man sat next to me, even though the place was almost empty. I didn't move. Then I felt a pressure on my leg. I wanted to change seats, but I still sat there. This gave the man all the hint he needed. He had to know that I was willing to be picked up. 'Want some candy?" he asked, pushing a small box of taffy at me.
"I turned and faced him for the first time. He was about thirty and was poorly dressed. He needed a shave and I pegged him as a drifter who killed time in movie houses as I did. I took a taffy out of the little box and he pressed his hand tighter on my leg. My heart began to pound faster. After twenty years of marriage I was allowing another man to touch me.
"You live around here?" he whispered.
"'Visiting," I explained.
"There was a pause and then he said, "Want to go out and get coffee?"
"'All right."
"I got up and he followed me out into the sunlight. We looked at one another more closely. I was afraid that he might be disappointed when he realized that I had at least a dozen years on him. But this didn't bother him at all.
"He told me that his name was Paul and that he had only arrived in the city a week ago. He said he worked as a truck loader which was the kind of job a drifter would take.
"We went to one of those cheap diners where coffee went for a dime a cup. It was obvious that Paul was almost broke, but I didn't make any move to pick up the twenty cent check. I didn't want him to feel that I was ready to buy him.
"Paul wasn't a hustler anyhow, but just a young man in need of sexual release. He knew that I was willing enough to be laid, but he had no place to bring me. He lived in one of those flophouses that didn't allow women guests.
"Paul brought me to a district near the waterfront that was lined with big, empty trucks waiting for ships to come in. I knew that he was looking for a place to make love and this made my hands tremble. Dogs made love, if that is the word, in the street. Yet, the very lowness of the situation thrilled me. My life had been so clean and square and I was ready for a little dirt.
"'This looks about right," the young stranger said and pressed me against one of the trucks. Although I could hear the traffic going by, we were hidden from view. Of course, if a cop or a tramp walked behind the truck, we would be caught. I didn't mind. This made the whole affair that much more exciting.
"Paul pressed his lips against mine roughly and pawed at my body. He clamped his hands on my can and pushed his weight up and down against me in a screwing fashion, he started to pull my dress up.
"'No, not here, like this," I whispered.
"'Where can we go? You got a car?"
"I had gone to the city via train, as usual so that haven was out. Paul was so sexually aroused by now that he wasn't in the mood to argue the point. He pulled my dress up to my waist and tugged at my panties. A chill swept over my body.
"'Don't do it," I implored him.
"'Knock it off," he responded sharply. 'You want a fuck as much as I do."
"He pulled out his penis. It was stiff and ready for action. I was forty-two years old, a mother of two, and the wife of an important lawyer. Yet, here I was in the waterfront allowing a young tramp to claw at my flesh. What if he made me pregnant? I wasn't smart enough to make my husband think the child was his. I wasn't young, but I was still old enough to have a child.
"I grabbed Paul's prick more to protect myself than to indulge in lust.
"'Not now," I begged.
"'Are you some kind of cock teaser?" he snapped angrily, his eyes blazing. 'I didn't leave a good movie for nothing."
"Poor Paul. While the movie was inexpensive it was still a big thing in his budget and I had taken him away from it with the promise of sex. I pressed his warm rod of sex this time with passion. 'It wasn't for nothing," I told him and slipped to my knees.
"His penis seemed even larger at close range. It was very hard and throbbing. Paul had an agonized need for release, any kind of release. I opened my mouth and leaned forward. His rod filled me and I began to suck.
"The young man sighed with pleasure as I fellated him. I took as much of his meat as I could and pulled back. Just as I reached the rounded head of his manhood I plunged down along his stick again. He was so in need of an outlet that he spewed semen only seconds after I had first made contact. I swallowed down his warm and vital maleness and I forgot about the traffic so very near the scene. Paul and his penis was all that mattered.
"As soon as he finished shooting his load, I got to my feet and brushed the dirt off my knees. Paul zipped his pants up. His unshaven face was calm and relaxed. All most men needed was a little love.
"'You go around blowing guys often?" he wanted to know.
"I told him that this was the first time. 'I don't know what got into me," I told him honestly.
"'Honey," he smiled, "whatever it is, keep it up. If it's dick you want, you just have to hang around this area. There are more hard-ups per square mile here than any place on earth."
"I took this as an offer and I was soon cruising the waterfront on a regular basis. Each time I went into the city it was with the excuse that I had to attend class. My husband never questioned me and seemed glad to have me out of the house.
"It was very easy to pick up men. All I had to do was stand in one spot long enough and they would come over and talk to me. I was usually taken for a hooker. This figured. How many women are there in the world who like to go down on strange men for the fun of it?
"The waterfront was a dirty, dangerous, and exciting place. I say dangerous because it was not an area for women. Once a thin, nervous man asked me for a cigarette. I knew that this was just an excuse to talk to me. He wasn't good looking, but I was willing enough to go all the way to my knees for him.
"When I gave him a cigarette he said in a low voice, "How much?"
"'For a cigarette? Nothing."
"I mean for your ass."
"I laughed to myself. Once again I was being taken for a whore. When I told him that I wasn't what he thought I was he seemed surprised. He told me that he had watched me take men into hallways and leave a few minutes later.
"'Let's go into that hallway and find out what I do," I told him.
"The area was filled with abandoned buildings where drunks and tramps lived with the rats. I took the little man into a nearby hallway that smelled of human waste. It was filthy, yet, as I said, filth seemed to arouse me.
"I went down on my knees and opened the fellow's fly. I pulled his penis out and started mouthing him. His sex organ grew slowly. When I brought him to the peak of his hardness, he let loose a great load of come. I took every drop and zipped his pants up. Then I got to my feet. He looked confused.
"'You mean you don't charge for that?" he asked.
"'No," I answered. 'I French for the fun of it."
"His eyes narrowed. 'You must be out of your head. Are you a rich hop-head or something?"
"He grabbed my handbag and searched through it. He took about thirty dollars and change and then tossed the bag aside. I didn't dare scream because I could never explain what I was doing in the waterfront with such a man.
"I had to send a collect telegram to my husband and get enough for the return train fare. I told him I had lost the money somehow and he didn't argue. He just couldn't believe that his nothing wife had a secret life on the side.
"After the robbery, I switched my cruising area because I didn't want to meet that creep, or anyone like him again. But, with my low tastes, this was unavoidable.
"I found this small park favored by drunks and drifters. The few women in the place made me look like a young and beautiful girl. I sat down on a bench and it wasn't long before this handsome young guy sat next to me. His name was Bill and he was a merchant seaman. I told him that I was passing through the city and had stopped at the park to rest my feet.
"'Yeah," Bill said, "you don't look like the type that hangs out here."
"Bill lived aboard his ship, which was due to pull out the next day. This meant that, once again, I would have no room to share with my latest love. I didn't mind. Rooms were for lovers who had to go completely naked. All I needed was a bit of kneeling space and a half-way decent looking stud.
"The sailor invited me into a nearby bar for a drink. At least he had some money and was a few cuts above the men I had grown used to. The bar was filled with other sailors and I was the only woman present, except for a bar maid who seemed to resent the competition I was giving her. I was sure that she had me pegged as a hooker. What other female would allow seamen to pick her up in a park?
"Bill got sexier as he got drunker. He patted my waist and said, "I'll be on that ship for three weeks without touching port I need something to keep me until then."
"We staggered outside and I let Bill bring me into the men's room of the park's toilet. Both of us were so drunk that we didn't care who caught us. I sat down on a commode that didn't have a seat and opened his fly.
"'Wanna do it in the French way, sugar?" he grinned wickedly.
"'That's all right by me."
"As he exposed himself, one of those awful drunks from the park stumbled into the toilet. He stared as I mouthed the sailor's prick. He then opened his pants and stood next to me as if expecting to be next on line. Bill pushed him away with one hand that sent him flying across the room.
"The man left silently and I continued to fellate Bill. He was so drunk that he couldn't get an erection. Alcohol depressed the sexual drive, even if it did lower the inhibitions.
"Suddenly, the toilet was crowded. It seemed that the first man had brought in support. They pulled Bill away and a fight began. I was so drunk myself, I didn't know what was going on exactly so I just ran the hell out of there. I kept on running until I was sure that no one was behind me. Then I sat down on the street and laughed. It was all really very funny.
"I was a split personality living in two entirely different worlds. In suburbia I was a respectable matron, but in the city I was an oral erotic who sought the lowest of men. It was only a matter of time before these two worlds collided.
"It happened when I was cruising the waterfront. A guy in his thirties fell in step with me and started talking. He never told me his name or profession, but I took him for a longshoreman. He was big and tough and he wore work clothes. When I invited him to visit a local hallway, he quickly agreed. I thought I was going to be in for a lot of sex because he was so virile looking.
"It was another dirty hallway like all the rest. On the walls were pornographic drawings of men and women engaged in the same kind of act I was about to perform on the stranger. I opened his pants and started playing with his dick.
"The man tried to lift my dress. 'No," I said, "I only use my mouth."
"'Only?" he repeated. 'Hey, are you a guy in drag? A fag once tricked me into a blow job that way."
"'Feel around and you tell me if I'm a man," I offered.
"He slipped his hand under my dress and thrust a finger into my slit. As if to make sure of my sex, he licked the finger.
"'Yeah," he grunted. 'You're real pussy alright. I know by the taste."
"'So, another Frencher, right?" I smiled.
"I went to my knees. The man's penis was huge, about the biggest I had ever seen. It was as hard as iron and I could smell manly sweat coming out of his fly. I licked along the length of his manhood and then opened my mouth wide. He was so well-endowed that I could only get about half of his sex organ orally. My lips and tongue went wild over this treasure chest of penis.
"'Coming, baby," he grunted.
"I pushed my mouth down as far as it could go and then felt his hot come shoot against the back of my throat. The size of his orgasm matched the size of his organ. He was like two men rolled into one. I kept mouthing and swallowing until he had nothing left to give. When I stood up to face him, I expected him to be calm and smiling. But instead, his tough face was contorted with hate.
"'You lousy pig!" he snapped.
"I drew back in fear. He seemed to be mad.
"'I hate you damned degenerates! he all but screamed. 'You are the scum of the world!"
"He punched me hard in the face and I bounced off a wall. I felt everything go black and he kept on hitting me with those big fists of his. I was sure he was going to kill me.
"I woke up in a hospital. The police had found me bleeding in that hallway and they had contacted my husband through what identification I had in my bag.
"Carl wanted to know what I was doing in such an area when I was supposed to be attending an art class. I tried to lie, but he was just too smart for me. He questioned me with his sharp legal mind and tongue, and I finally told him everything just to shut him up.
"When I told my husband that I had Frenched men along the waterfront, he was speechless for the first time in his life. He just didn't know what to say. He walked out of the hospital room and didn't come back until I was ready for discharge. The only way he could explain my actions was to say that I was insane and he insisted that I see you.
"Well, here I am. Now that you know the story, what do you suggest?"
DIAGNOSIS:
Alma is clearly a masochist who finds a strange pleasure in pain and humiliation. This can be found in her choice of "lovers." Instead of looking for attractive, intelligent young men, she sought out the dregs of the city, the drunks and the drifters. Her choice of "love nests" such as hallways and toilets also indicates her warped need for humiliation. And, when she was robbed, she still returned to the waterfront as if hoping to find that same experience again.
Judd Marmor, in his book, Sexual Inversion, claims that masochists have a special fondness for performing oral sex acts upon others because it puts them in a kneeling and servile position. It can be noted, that Alma never once expected her men to mouth her and she was always the one to go to her knees.
Like all masochists, Alma has a low opinion of herself. This began when her parents tried to make her do school work she was not capable of. When she failed, she blamed herself. Instead of finding her own educational pace, she withdrew from competing with other students into the dream world of the movies she saw on the sly.
Although the woman is of normal intelligence, she considers herself "stupid" because she always compares herself with bright people like her husband and parents. One of the reasons she sought out men below her social level on the waterfront, was to escape a world she could not cope with in suburbia. She was even awed by her own sons.
Herbert J. Gans, in his book about suburbia called, The Levittowners, states that there are many women like Alma who feel they can't live up to the role of suburban housewife and would prefer the city where they wouldn't have to worry about status. As the wife of a corporation lawyer, Alma felt she had to keep up a certain intellectual front, but hated herself for not even being able to talk to her sons. Her flight into the city was actually a flight from the status of suburbia into the non-status of the waterfront.
Alma selected oral sex as her form of adultery at first because of her fear of becoming pregnant by a strange man. The rape of her girlhood with its pregnancy and abortion had left a deep mark on her personality and thus she was not able to allow her first man to engage in fornication. But, once she discovered that she could give satisfaction with her mouth, Alma was lost to the warped life of the oral adulteress.
I talked to Carl, Alma's husband, and told him of my findings. I pointed out that his wife had suffered from an inferiority complex all her life that had turned her into a masochist which, in turn, made her perform oral sex acts upon men in a low social level.
Once he understood this, he agreed to help Alma feel like an intelligent and wanted woman again who did not have to punish herself by rolling in the pig pens of life and lust.
Chapter Five... The Second Husband
Case History:
Name: Slone B.
Age: 31
Slone is a trim, pretty woman who looks almost ten years younger than her actual age. She is married to a social worker and is the mother of three small children.
"I've never thought of myself as being a very sexual person but, lately, that's just what I've become. I know that women attain the peak of their sexuality in their thirties just as men reach it in their teens. I assume that's why I've become an adulteress in the past few months.
"During my teens I was a rather prim and proper type who rarely dated. When a boy got fresh with me I always put him in his place. I was considered to be a 'good' girl by my parents but a 'pill' to the boys.
"I went through college with my virginity intact which is some kind of achievement in itself. After that I went into social work which was where I met Norman, my husband. Norman was only a few years older and I thought him to be nice even if he wasn't exactly handsome. He seemed to be very serious about his work and put in a lot of overtime. When I asked him why he worked so hard he told me that all he had was an empty room to return to at night and he had to kill time somehow.
"Norman was a very lonely young man and this drew him to me more. I was still living with my parents so I had some kind of family life but he had nothing. When I invited him for dinner one day he seemed so grateful that I felt like crying.
"My mother and father liked Norman and were glad to see that he was such a serious-minded young man and not like the fellows who still acted like kids even though they were in their twenties. In my teens I used to date some of these boys and they all seemed to be just as young as they were then. They were hung up on cars, girls and surfing in that order. Sometimes they would combine all three and load up a car with girls and take off for the beach. The fellows got very tan, muscular and handsome but they weren't the type to depend on for a future. I pitied the girls who ran after them because these young men had no thought of marriage in their empty heads. Norman, however, was the exact opposite. He knew that marriage was a serious business and prepared himself for it. He put most of his money in the bank for the house he hoped to own one day. All those beach bums never saved a dollar in their lives. They spent it as soon as it came.
"Norman didn't propose until he was sure that he had enough for a down payment on the kind of house he wanted along with a lot of new furniture. He even figured my salary into his plans and knew just how much I would make before I had to drop out to have a baby.
"Everything went according to plan. I had my first baby almost to the day he had expected it to come. Since I had to take care of the house and the child Norman worked extra hours to make up for the salary I used to bring in. He didn't seem to mind, though. 'I used to do overtime because I hated to go back to my room," he told me. 'Now I work overtime so I can have a nice house, wife and baby to come back to at night."
"As a lover Norman was virile when he wanted to be. After so many years of solitude he really enjoyed sleeping with someone for a change. When he held me in his arms it was as if he wanted to make up for all that he had lacked in life. He confessed to me that he had gone to prostitutes, though, before we were married. 'I just had to let go sometimes," he said. 'It wasn't anything serious. Those women were simply outlets and nothing more. I'm glad now I don't need to return to them."
"Just because a man is quiet, studious and hard-working doesn't mean he is not interested in sex. Norman was a man like any other and had to have a woman now and then during his bachelorhood. I didn't get angry over his trips to a house of prostitution. He was twenty-four when he married me and I could hardly expect him to come to the wedding night a virgin.
"I, needless to say, did marry as a virgin. Norman knew this and so was very considerate with me. He didn't push himself on to me and aroused me first by rubbing my breasts and vagina with his hands. Then he placed his body on top of mine and inched his stiff penis into my cleft slowly. He pushed the entire length of his sex organ into me and began to pump. My nipples grew to hard points and my vagina felt as if it were on fire. Although Norman didn't look it he was a very passionate man.
"My husband made the bed squeal with his thrusting movements and I was afraid that the other guests at the honeymoon hotel would hear it and know what was going on. In the middle of my first sex experience I thought of appearances, that's how proper I was then.
"Norman stopped moving and had an orgasm. His warm semen filled my body and both of us breathed hard. As it turned out Norman made me pregnant on our honeymoon and I wouldn't be surprised if my first baby came with his first load of sperm.
"As a boy Norman never did have much of a family and he was sent from relative to relative until he became old enough to go out on his own. He told me that he wanted to have a real family of his own and that's why he was delighted when the babies came at the rate of one every second year for the first six years of our marriage. Soon I was up to my arm pits in diapers and toddlers clothes. I didn't complain, though, because I had become a woman. No one could call me a 'pill' now... not after having three children in six years.
"Norman checked his finances and discovered that we couldn't afford another child right away so I started to buy birth control pills. Now I could really enjoy sex without having to worry about becoming pregnant. While my husband continued to have sex with me he never tried anything different...you know... orally or anally. When I tried to force the issue and lick his penis one night he seemed shocked. 'You shouldn't do that, Slone," he told me. 'Only whores do that."
"I was even more shocked than he was by his attitude. I always had the idea that men liked all kinds of sex but Norman only wanted to do it one way. It was true that he was virile but he was also very dull.
"I never did try to attempt anything different after that in bed. It had taken me six years to work up to a point where I thought he would accept such an overture. Norman had never tried oral sex on me, I had always figured, because he was just too considerate of my feelings. Now I realized that he thought fellatio and cunnilingus to be perversions that only prostitutes engaged in. I was sure that those bachelor trips to the bordello had something to do with this belief. He probably had had these women perform oral acts upon him and then he felt guilty about it afterwards. There were some parts of my husband's life that were a closed book.
"The older I got the more sensual I became. As a girl I had very little interest in sex and now I wanted more and more of it. When I looked at my three children growing up I felt that life was passing me by. Sex was just a device in which to bring children into the world for me. I now envied those girls who traveled with those beach bums. Some of them had married and divorced and others were living with lovers. Had I been right in marrying a good, hard-working square like Norman who limited sex to straight fornication alone?
"My husband seemed more concerned about his job, the house, the children than in me. In his thirties he was already acting like an old man. He worried about everything and was uncomfortable at parties. When he told me that it would be a good idea to rent one of the rooms to make some extra money I went along with him not knowing what I was going to let myself in for.
"Norman told me that he wasn't going to bring a complete stranger into the house. He said that Harry, a social worker we both knew, needed a room. He was single, twenty-three, and very good-looking. My husband was so sure of me that he saw nothing wrong with bringing such an attractive young man into our home to live with us. It wasn't long before he discovered how little he really knew me. I wasn't the mousy house-frau of his dreams.
"Harry was easy to get along with. The children liked him and he often took them out for walks. He was also good company for my husband because they could talk over their cases. And, last but far from least, he was good company for yours truly.
"While the new roomer was popular with girls he was a bit lazy and rather spoiled. He didn't like to exert himself and chase these girls... he wanted them to come to him. The phone always rang with girls calling up and I used to listen to Harry make up excuses why he couldn't see this one and that one. If he wanted to Harry could have a different bed companion every night.
"Harry wasn't very interested in his work in social services. He only took the job because he liked the starting salary. But social work was very hard and had a big turnover in employees. I was certain that Harry wouldn't last on the job especially after he started taking too many 'sick' days off. As a single man disinterested in his job Harry could afford the risk of being fired.
"I began to see more of Harry than I did my husband. On his days off he would chat with me in the kitchen and go to the stores with me and the children. I began to look upon him as my second husband. It wasn't long before this relationship went sexual.
"It began when my oldest children were at school and the baby of the family was sleeping upstairs. Harry was on one of his 'sick' days and lazily watching television. I brought in a couple of cups of coffee and watched some silly quiz game with him. 'I would think a good-looking young guy like you would have something better to do with his time," I chided mildly.
"He gave me a mock leer. 'What do you suggest, pretty one?"
"I blushed. Although the proposition had been done in jest it still excited me. Harry saw me react so warmly to his invitation for love and sat next to me on the couch. As I said, he was lazy but still very virile. He didn't like to chase women but if one was right there in his hands he got interested. I was there and he was most interested. 'You're a very attractive woman, Slone," he said seriously and held my hand.
"I looked straight into his eyes and he saw my desire for him. I was never one for wearing masks. He leaned over and kissed me on the lips. I responded by embracing him tightly. Harry placed my back against the couch and put his body on top of mine in the fornicating position. He 'dry humped' me, as men liked to put it, by pumping up and down without entering my body. 'Let's take off our clothes," he whispered.
"'Let's not, Harry," I said. 'You're a sweet boy and I don't want to ruin a beautiful friendship."
"'Come on, Slone," he urged. 'What's a little fucking between friends? We won't ruin a thing."
"He quickly opened his pants and exposed his penis. When he tried to pull down my panties I rolled over on my side sending him off on the floor where he sat with his erect dick bared and wanting. When I gazed at his vital member my face burned hotly. For years I had wondered what it was like to perform the act of fellatio. While my husband objected to it I was sure that Harry had other ideas.
"The young man stood up holding his pants with his dick showing through the unzipped part. He was about to cover himself entirely when I reached out and took his cock with my hand. Harry's expression changed from frustration to excitement in a split second. I pulled him towards me with his penis and sat up on the couch so that his sex organ was at eye level. He stood there waiting. I paused for a moment fearing that, like my husband, he might pull away and call me a degenerate. I couldn't take another slight like that. But, nothing ventured; nothing gained. I opened my mouth and took his aroused sex organ.
"Harry didn't move and stood there as I pushed my face all the way to his pubic area. I couldn't see what was degenerate about fellatio. It was really very pleasant. I pulled my mouth off his dick and examined the shiny wetness I had left on it. Once again I mouthed him and this time I started to suck.
"'Slone... Slone," Harry sighed as I performed the act of fellatio.
"I was satisfying him orally. For the first time in my life I was having a different kind of sex. I slipped my hands around to the young man's taut buttocks and squeezed as I bobbed my head up and down on his meat. Then his sperm shot into my mouth. I gagged for a second and then started to drink in his manhood. My whole being tingled with erotic joy. There was nothing wrong with oralism at all. I couldn't see what my husband had against it.
"'Wow!" Harry gasped after I had finished. 'You sure run hot and cold. One minute you're kicking me off your body and next you're going down on me."
"'I am a woman of mystery," I told him. 'You would be surprised what kind of feelings I have."
"My child began to cry upstairs reminding me that I was a wife and mother and I had just committed adultery. It had been an act of oral adultery but it was adultery just the same. Guilt took the place of passion and I hurried upstairs leaving Harry exposed and still aroused.
"When my husband came back that day for dinner I was afraid that my face might reveal my brief fling. Harry had no such fears and talked as if nothing had happened. That night I reached over and embraced Norman hoping that he would make love but all he did was mumble and fall asleep in my arms.
"Harry decided to work the next day and I made breakfast for him and Norman... my two husbands. I suppose there are few women who wouldn't mind having two men in the same house loving her. This was the way it turned out for me. Anytime Harry got me alone he would make a sexual advance. Although he wanted to have genital intercourse I only let him use my mouth. He thought that this was crazy but went along with it anyhow. While Norman screwed my vagina Harry did the same to my mouth. It was a wild situation.
"My handsome second husband still saw other girls and I found myself getting possessive of him even though I really had no right to hold the gay young bachelor. I thought that my husband found out about us one day when he said, "I want to talk to you about Harry, Slone."
"By the tone of his voice I took it for granted that he knew it all. Instead he complained about the days off that his co-worker was taking. 'Harry won't have his job long if he keeps calling in sick," Norman informed me. 'We both know that he's just plain lazy."
"I promised my husband that I would urge Harry to become more serious and breathed a sigh of relief when he left. I wondered how he would react if he ever found out about my sexual adventures with the young man. Norman took everything seriously and I was sure that the fact that I was an adulteress would break him up.
"I didn't want to hurt Norman but the only way I could prevent this was by telling Harry to leave. I was too weak to end the affair and went right on enjoying it.
"It wasn't easy to have an adulterous relationship in the same house with a husband and three children but I managed. I looked forward to the time Norman was home so he could watch the children while I drove off with Harry. I had the excuse of going to stores to cover up the affair and insisted that I didn't need the children to help me with the packages. After all, I said, I had a grown and healthy man to do that besides driving the car.
"We found special spots where we could park to make our own special kind of love. I felt like a teenage girl again except this time I was much more interested in sex. I cursed myself for not giving in to those surf bums in my youth. If I had had more love then I would not have such a great need for it now.
"Our favorite spot was a deserted parking lot behind a factory. During the week it was full when the factory was open but, during the weekends, it was as empty as a desert. Harry told me that he always brought his girls there. I knew he was teasing me to make me jealous... and he accomplished that. 'Are you ever going to marry one of these girls?" I asked.
"'Why should I buy a dairy when milk is so cheap," he answered glibly.
"With typical male ego he had to brag to me what a popular lover he was. 'You find me cheap then?" I wanted to know.
"He realized that he had made a blunder and stammered, "Oh... that was just a figure of speech. I hold you very dearly, Slone."
"Harry kissed me and rubbed my legs with his hands. I wanted to resist him just to show that I wasn't all that available but I found myself opening his fly and plunging my hand inside. His penis was limp and I lowered my head. I enjoyed mouthing a limp organ just to have it grow in my mouth.
"My second husband lowered his pants and his jockey shorts to his ankles to give me loving room. I took his soft manhood and sucked. It started to erect and Harry stroked my hair as I fellated him. His male organ grew hard and swollen and I could feel him getting more aroused by my actions. If only I could make my first husband as excited, I thought.
"Harry shot his load. It was weak and not very full. This told me that he had already given the best of himself to some other girl the night before. I wouldn't be surprised if he had taken her to this very parking lot. While it was true that I had two men I was sure that Harry had more than two women. As I mouthed him I wondered where his penis had been the night before. I wondered if the girl had fellated him as I was doing now.
"After I finished we went shopping. We had to do it quickly to make up for the time lost at the parking lot... if I could call it lost time.
"My oldest child, a girl of nine, was the first to realize that Harry was more to me than a paying guest. While my husband didn't suspect a thing this little girl did. Females had an inborn instinct for the ways and means of love that males were blind to. 'You really like Harry don't you, mom?" she said to me one day using an undertone that told me she knew more than was good for her.
"'Of course I like Harry," I said trying to pretend innocence. 'Don't you?"
"'He spends a lot of time with you," she said. 'All my friends have been noticing."
"I felt my house of cards falling apart. Now the neighbors were talking. I knew that I had been discreet with Harry but it didn't take much to start a rumor in my neighborhood. Even if there had been no sexual affair the neighbors would invent one. I knew that Harry couldn't stay in the house any longer no matter how much money he added to the family's finances.
"That evening I suggested to Norman that perhaps Harry would be happier living someplace else. He seemed surprised by my words. 'But he likes it here!" he exclaimed. 'Besides we need the money. Has Harry been complaining about anything?"
"'No but it is really awkward having a single young man in the house. You know how neighbors talk."
"'Ah ha! The neighbors! Well, just ignore them dear. We know that nothing is wrong between you and Harry and that's all that matters."
"I wanted to tell my husband that there was something very wrong going on under his own nose but I just couldn't hurt him. Since he wouldn't get Harry to leave I had to talk to the young man myself. I was sure he would understand.
"I brought up the subject at that parking lot right after we had another oral relationship. I put it to him quite bluntly that, sooner or later, our affair would be revealed if we persisted in seeing one another.
"'You want me to move, Slone?" he asked.
"'I think it will be the best thing in the long run." Tears started to well in my eyes. It wasn't easy breaking off one of the very few close relationships in my life.
"Harry did more than just leave the house... he quit his job. This gave him a good excuse to move away. He wasn't doing it just for me; he had always hated social work.
"'Well, I'm sorry to see you go, Harry," my husband told him. 'I liked having you around here."
"'And I liked being around here," he answered with a wink to me.
"After Harry left I thought my problem was solved but now my husband is talking about taking in another young bachelor he met at the office.
Even though I've begged Norman not to do it, it looks like he is determined to have the man under our roof. I don't know what to do now. I don't want to tell him about why it wouldn't be safe for me to have another man in the house but it seems the only way. Should I tell my husband the truth, doctor?"
DIAGNOSIS:
Truth can be a dangerous thing and, from what Slone told me about her husband, I felt that he would not be able to withstand the knowledge that his wife had had oral sex relations with another man. By telling Norman the reason why she couldn't have another man in the house she could keep him out but it would also destroy the marriage. If Norman felt so strongly about oral intercourse that he wouldn't allow his wife to perform fellatio upon him he certainly would not take the fact that she had been fellating another man easily. I advised the woman to throw a tantrum if she had to on the matter of accepting another house guest but, at all costs, avoid telling her husband the truth.
Slone's case proves that not all men like oral intercourse. Norman is in the very small minority, though, because Kinsey has shown in his book Sexual Behavior In the Human Male that nine out of every ten husbands enjoy some form of oral intercourse with their wives. Norman, it appears, is the tenth man who finds oral sex repulsive. As Slone had suggested he may very well have formed his opinion against fellatio during the time he visited prostitutes. To Norman oral sex and prostitution went together. He avoided oralism with his wife because he felt that it was a "perversion."
When Slone was a teenage girl her sexual drive was weak and thus she was not really bothered by the fact other girls her age were having affairs while she did not. As she grew towards middle-age her sex drive became stronger and so she sought out ways to satisfy it. Her husband, at the same time, was on a sexual decline and this was where her problem began. Hungry for the experiences Norman would not provide she turned to another man who was only too available in the house. While Norman provided her with security and emotional stability Harry provided her with eroticism. She did, indeed, have two husbands.
Jurgen Ruesch, in his study, Therapeutic Communication, claims that many women would be happy having more than one husband at once. If bigamy were legal Slone would have been better off with two husbands rather than just one but, as it stands, she just had to give up one of her men. Giving up Harry for Norman was a good choice since the younger man had never been deeply involved with the woman. To the bachelor she was just a handy outlet for his oral drives. Norman, however, even though he was not as sexually satisfying, loved her deeply in his own quiet and serious way.
Slone never told her husband about her relationship with Harry and, as I had suggested, made such a scene about taking in another boarder that he dropped the plan altogether. Today Slone is living with only one man and she has adjusted to the fact that her husband will never become the lover she needs. Her brief fling with the handsome young bachelor has satisfied her hidden passions. Now that she has tasted the joys of oral intercourse she is no longer driven by a need to perform fellatio.
Chapter Six... The Sadist
Case History:
Name: Helga N.
Age: 44
Helga is a large, heavy-set woman with a strong face. She is married to an executive in a large business machine company. She did not come to my office willingly, but only because a judge in a criminal action against her advised her to seek psychiatric help. Like others who were sent to me against their will, she resented me.
"A psychologist! What kind of job is that for a man? I think all you head doctors are phonies. You cause more trouble than cures. I've known women who've been going to head doctors for years and they keep getting worse. One of them gave up on her doctor and she improved right away. I think you people like to keep crazy people crazy because of the fees you keep getting. I'm only here because of the court. Once the judge gets off my back, I'm dropping you, baby, like a hot coal.
"In case you don't know it by now, I've been charged with assault. Imagine that? How many women do you know are taken to court for beating up men? I guess that's why people think I'm crazy; it's supposed to be the other way around. Well, women have been assaulted by men for centuries, so it's time we had our innings.
"The guy asked to be beaten, anyhow. He didn't put it in so many words, but I know his type. They enjoy having women dominate them. My husband is the same way. He may have an important job at the business machine company, but he is really a spineless jerk. Oh, he's smart enough and all that, but he's no man at all.
"My father wasn't a man, either. As a matter of fact, I don't think I have ever met a real man in my life. Women are the stronger sex even though we don't have muscles. If it wasn't for women, men would still be living in caves.
"Let me explain to you about my father. He was a failure and he took it out on his wife and four of us kids. He worked in a cafeteria handing out food, a job anyone with a grain of sense could do. He didn't bring in much money, and he drank half of that. When he got loaded, he took to beating up my mother. When he got tired of pushing her around, he turned on us kids. I was the oldest, so I was the biggest target. 'Bastards!" he used to scream. 'You're not mine!"
"He enjoyed claiming that we were not his children because this gave him the excuse he needed to desert us later on. I was glad to see him go, even if we did have to go on welfare. I promised myself that no man would ever push me around.
"I was sixteen before I let a boy put his hands on me sexually. I guess I wanted to see what all the shouting was about. He was a couple of years older, but a lot more experienced. He took me out into the woods and we stripped. The boy placed a rubber over his stiff prick because he didn't want to knock me up. I was grateful to him for that much, anyhow.
"He had me lie down on the ground and then he got on top of me. As soon as his body touched mine, I wanted to leave. I hated the idea that he could have his way with me. Still, I stayed in place while he pushed his rod into my body. He was so aroused that he didn't waste time warming me up to the sex first. When he stabbed me with his cock, I felt as if I were not really there under him, but actually watching the scene several feet away. Sex was supposed to be exciting, but I was cold to it. To me, it was just an uncomfortable pain in the crotch.
"While girls my age started to get married, I remained single. I just couldn't see what was so great about getting married. Why tie yourself down to some jerk for the rest of your life? The only advantage I could see in marriage was being supported by a guy. I told myself if I ever did marry, it would be for money and money alone.
"I was almost thirty when I met Andrew. He was an up and coming junior executive at the business machine company he worked with even then. He was five years younger than I, but he seemed to prefer older women. I pegged him right away as one of these men who just had to have a woman henpeck him. This was something I was more than willing to do.
"Andrew came from a home consisting of three older sisters and a battle-ax of a mother. His father, like mine, had deserted him as a child. This was about the only thing we had in common. The desertion made him weak while it made me strong. Being the only male in the house, his mother and sisters drained what manhood he had, leaving a pale shell. As the oldest child in my family, I had to pick up the burden of financial support as soon as I got old enough and this made me tough. I was too tough for any man to dominate, so I did the dominating.
"On our wedding night, I told my husband I wanted rest more than sex and he was too much of a jerk to say otherwise. From the very beginning I showed him where we stood. The following morning I let him crawl on top of me. When he rammed his penis inside my body, it still felt like nothing more than a pain in the crotch. I just couldn't see what the big deal was about sex.
"If Andrew had any manhood, he would've objected to the way I ordered him around, but he seemed to like having a strong hand in his life. His mother had told him what to do until he was twenty-five and now I took over.
"Andrew was grateful to me because I gave him his first sex experience. Before marrying me, he had been too timid to force himself upon a girl. Actually a girl had to force herself upon him since he didn't have the nerve to fuck. All through our marriage, my husband asked me for sex and never once did he ever dare to screw me without permission. I didn't care much for sex, but I let the poor idiot use my body now and then because he was paying for it.
"We have a son who is at boarding school. I found pregnancy so repulsive that I had myself fixed by surgery after the delivery so that I would never have another child. I hated taking care of my son as a baby and I hired a girl to do it. Once the boy was old enough, I packed him off to a boarding school.
"Why did I have a baby in the first place? I guess I just wanted to see what it was like just as I wanted to see what sex was like at the age of sixteen. Motherhood impressed me as just another pain in the crotch. I despised myself walking around with a big belly all the time. When I gave birth, it was like getting rid of a tumor.
"The one good thing about having the boy, though, was that Andrew couldn't get rid of me so easily. As the mother of his only child, I was something more than a woman he was living with. Yes, after awhile my husband got tired of being pushed around. He talked about divorce a few times, but I always shut him up. No man was going to get rid of me; I got rid of them.
"Andrew was too good a catch to let go. Right now he's making a thousand dollars a week and he's still rising in the company. He may even head it some day. I'd be mad to let him divorce me. If he ever did get serious about the divorce, I would take custody of our son and that is something he couldn't bear. The boy is the only one he has ever loved.
"A few years ago my husband moved into his own room at the house. Before that we had been growing apart slowly so the break didn't come as a surprise. Since we never did have anything like a happy sex life, it really didn't matter if we became two strangers living under the same roof.
"I knew that Andrew would never take up a mistress; he just didn't have the guts or the balls. However, I, as always, was different. With my son out of the house and my husband having as little to do with me as possible, I needed another jerk to push around.
"I met Steven at a company party. He was a loud-mouthed man who liked to think of himself as a lady-killer. He was in his thirties, but he dressed in mod clothes, trying to pass himself off as a kid. He was married to a dowdy woman who was more interested in their children than in him, so I could right away know that he was in the mood for some action. His clothes alone gave him away. Steven was trying to recapture his youth which meant he wasn't very happy being middle-aged. The bastard just had to prove that he was still sexy.
"When we danced, I socked my pussy up against him and pressed my boobies against his chest. I was almost ten years older than he, but I showed him that there was plenty of steam in my engine yet. Steven was quick to realize that I was on the make, and he asked me to step outside. I didn't know what the hell he expected to do on the lawn of the mansion we were in, but I left with him anyhow.
"He took me behind a tree and started feeling my tits. I let him go on just to see how far he would go. Since I was wearing a gown, it would be difficult for me to strip right then and there. This didn't stop the over-aged hippie from trying. He started to pull my zipper down and I told him to stop. 'Not here, stupid," I said, letting him know what I thought of his actions.
"'Where then?" he wanted to know.
"I gave him my address and told him when my husband would be out... not that it mattered since we all but ignored one another in the house.
"Steven showed up the next day. I was surprised to see him because I thought he had only pawed me last night out of drunkenness. I guess he thought I might have only given him my address for the same reason because he seemed anxious when I opened the door. 'Remember me?" he asked in a pathetic way.
"'How could I ever forget you?" I answered.
"I took Steven to my room. When he could see that my husband had his own bedroom, he assumed he knew all about me. 'He doesn't fuck you anymore, right?" he asked.
"I didn't like the way the bastard grinned. He acted as if he had me by the short hairs. Just because I had all but propositioned him on that dance floor, he thought he owned me. He was going to find out soon enough just what kind of pushover I was.
"We closed the door and took off our clothes. Steven had a stocky body and his prick was already in an uproar. His pig eyes leered at my nakedness. 'You're a lot of woman!" he exclaimed and grabbed my large breasts.
"'Suck them off," I said, almost as an order.
"He took one of my nipples in his mouth and started sucking. He was the oral type by the way he went at me. I could use that desire.
"Steven pushed me against the bed and mounted my body. Just as he was about to screw me, I rolled over. 'Not that way," I told him. 'I want a French job."
"He seemed confused. I could see that he really wanted to start banging, but I wanted him to suffer. I spread my legs and exposed my hairy pussy. 'Go on and get to work," I snapped.
"He paused for a minute as if he didn't know what to make out of my attitude. Steven had come seeking romance, but here I was giving orders. I told him to start mouthing or go home. He slipped to his knees and pressed his mouth against my slit while I lay on the bed with my feet against the carpet.
"Steven licked my pubic hair and spread the lips of my vagina apart. He lapped inside me with his tongue. I looked down at him kneeling in front of me and laughed. 'You sure are a great lover," I told him.
"He paused for a second in his mouthings and then continued. I now had him by the short hairs! If he continued to love me after that snide remark, he would take all the shit I handed out.
"Steven stopped Frenching me after about ten minutes and stood up. His penis was still erected and he looked desperate. Once again he tried to get on top of me, but I wouldn't let him screw. 'I don't want to get knocked up," I told him even though I was not able to have a baby after my operation.
"'Ill pull my dick out in time," he promised.
"'Forget it," I answered. 'All I wanted was a blow job anyhow. You can go now."
"He was shocked. After taking so many pains to see me, I was dismissing him like a dog. He put on his clothes and left with his tail between his legs. I laughed aloud. Maybe he didn't like the session, but I found it fun. I decided to do it again sometime.
"My next idiot was a guy who came to fix the television set. His name was Roger and he was in his twenties. He was a big, good-looking fellow, but a jerk. When he showed up, I wore a see-through robe. Roger couldn't keep his mind on his work as he kept shooting glances at me. The son-of-a-bitch didn't know if he should make a pass at me or not. I was, after all, the wife of a pretty important man.
"How about a drink?" I asked.
"'Yeah, that will be fine," he answered, nodding his curly head anxiously.
"When I walked away, I could feel his eyes boring into my ass which was protected only by a thin, near-invisible cloth. On the return trip he didn't stare as boldly at my pussy and my tits, but he did shoot those sneaky glances. I handed him a shot of brandy and he bolted it down as if it were a shot of beer. He was really all worked up.
"That shot of booze was all he needed to get sexy at last. 'I like the way you're dressed," he leered.
"'You mean you like the way I'm undressed," I responded and stood in front of him as he leaned over the TV set.
"He stopped working and this time he didn't get sneaky with his looks... he stared right into my hairy box. I dropped the robe off. 'Now that you had something to drink, how about something to eat?" I offered.
"Roger was so dumb he didn't get my meaning for a minute. Then he understood and wrapped his sweaty arms around my hips and ass. He clamped his teeth on my vagina and started chewing. As he Frenched me, he slipped one of his fingers into my anus. Roger wasn't very bright, but he was passionate.
"The young stud ran his tongue deep into my cleft and played with my clitoris. For a passing moment I experienced a rare sensation of passion, but it didn't last long. I never enjoyed sex. To me it was a messy bother that people used to dominate one another. In every sex relationship, someone was slave and the other was master. The only time I was even close to being a slave was that first time when I was sixteen and I let a boy take my cherry. Since then it was the men who served me and not the other way around.
"Roger licked my thighs and then ran his tongue up along my belly. When he reached my breasts, he sucked each nipple. He all but chewed them off and I yelled at him. 'Take it easy!" I snapped. 'I'm not a pizza pie."
"The guy buried his mouth into my neck and sucked a hickey mark there. When we were standing up face to face, he opened his pants. I felt the hard tube of his prick against my pubic area. He took it into his hand and guided it to my slit. I pushed him away when he was about to penetrate me. "That is enough for one day, big boy," I said.
"His face was flushed with passion. 'What do you mean? We just got started," he complained.
"I stepped back and he advanced. He was big enough to knock me on my ass and rape me, but I wasn't going to let him get that close. I picked up some wires from his tool chest and lashed his exposed sex organ. He let out a scream. I lashed him across the face and blinded him for a moment. Then I ran out of the room and locked the door behind me. 'It was fun, big boy," I yelled through the door. 'You can let yourself out of the window when you're through."
"No sex experience ever thrilled me as much as that lashing. I could see now why some people dug whips and riding crops. With a few light wires, I had dominated a young man who could've killed me easily. Yes, and he had liked it, too. A couple of days later he showed up at the house wanting to 'check' my TV set. What he really wanted was another beating.
"'That was sure some fun we had the other day," Roger told me when he came in. 'I hope I didn't make you sore."
"'No. I just don't like to be screwed in the pussy," I told him. 'I like guys to go down, though. Too bad you lost control."
"'I won't lose control the next time, I promise!"
"'The next time? You're taking a lot for granted, aren't you?"
"Roger, despite his size, turned into a little boy. 'Please... let's do it again...." he begged.
"He was now mine to do with as I pleased. I took him into my husband's bedroom because I knew he kept a supply of belts. When I ordered Roger to strip, he quickly complied. He was so anxious to have sex that he was already in a state of erection.
"I wrapped one of my husband's belts around his ankles and then secured his wrists together behind his back with another belt. 'Kneel down," I ordered and Roger did as he was told.
"When I took off my clothes, he gazed at me with liquid eyes as dogs do to their masters. I stood in front of him. He leaned forward to mouth me, but I stepped back. 'Not until I say so," I told him.
"I looked down at the big man kneeling there staring up at me. So many men are so willing to submit themselves to women. They will take any kind of humiliation just for a little sex. I turned around and pushed my ass against his face. 'Lick," I told him.
"Roger didn't hesitate a moment. He licked my buns and even ran his tongue along my anus. He got more excited and sucked hickies on my rump. I just couldn't see how he could do it. I wouldn't do that to any man if my life was at stake. But, as I've told you, men are the weaker sex.
"I turned around again and let Roger lick my vagina. He chewed on my box and it was frustration for him to do it because he couldn't grab hold of me as he wanted. His frustration was my joy; the more he suffered, the better I liked it.
"Once I got tired of his mouthing, I told him to flatten out on the floor with his ass up. He complied without question. I took another of my husband's belts and lashed down at his hairy buns and his broad back. I didn't pull my punches and I watched red welts criss-cross along his pale skin. Roger kept gasping in pain as I whipped him, but he didn't plead for me to stop. The bastard needed pain just as my husband needed humiliation and domination.
"My arms got weary, but my entire being tingled with life. I preferred beating men than loving them. I wish the hell I had found out about this sooner.
"I let Roger lie there for over an hour and he began to wonder when... or if... I would ever let him go. Naturally I couldn't keep him trussed up like that forever, especially with my husband due home shortly, so I dressed and then undid the belts. For a brief moment I was afraid that he might lash out at me, but he was a meek as a lamb. 'Can I see you again?" he asked.
"I told him that I would think about it and he put on his clothes. When he left, I felt really happy for the first time in my life. It was a grand and good sensation binding up men and beating them. I almost wanted to do the same to my spineless husband, but I was afraid that he might like it so much he would never stop pestering me.
"Finding me willing to suffer at my hands was no problem. I picked up one fellow at a party who thought I was just another bored housewife wanting a roll in the hay. When I went to his apartment, I surprised him with my desires for flagellation and cunnilingus. He didn't object to being tied and whipped with his own belts. He enjoyed performing oral sex acts upon my ass and vagina.
"It wasn't long before I bought whips and leather straps. I was becoming a female version of Marquis de Sade. My husband knew that I was bringing men to the house and seeing them in their apartments, but he never said anything. By this time we were divorced emotionally, if not legally. He assumed that I was having adulterous relationships. I suppose he was secretly glad that someone else was taking care of what sexual needs I had. As for him... I doubted if he had any sexual needs left. He hadn't been much of a man when I married him and now he was a nothing.
"Jack, a guy of about forty who serviced my car, became my latest piece of meat. He had never been married and his mouth watered every time he saw a woman. When I brought him to the house with the excuse that I needed him to start my car, he quickly bent to my sexual will. Jack had never had much of a sex life, and he was only too ready to try anything I wanted.
"He took off his clothes and his body offended me. He was flabby, hairy and not even clean. I took a few drinks to brace myself before the session began. Jack not only allowed me to tie him with the leather straps, he even helped secure his legs together. 'You'll let me do things, won't you?" he pleaded. 'You'll let me go down on you, right?"
"Jack made me sick. When he was completely tied, I stood in front of him while he knelt and had him lick my pussy. He was so hungry for sex of any kind that he tore at me with his teeth. I was just drunk enough and mean enough to do something about it. I picked up the whip and lashed him as hard as I could.
"The tubby creep cried out in pain. I lashed him again. 'No more!" he begged.
"Blood appeared on his hairy body. When I used the whip, I always hold back, but not this time. I wanted to see just how much I could hurt a man. I lashed and lashed while he screamed in agony. Soon his whole body was covered with blood and he tried to roll away from me. I guess I lost my head and I couldn't stop.
"Jack lay on the floor unconscious and I was sure I had killed him. This thought didn't bother me at all. What would it be like to actually kill a man? Surely murder must rank as the crime of crimes.
"I took a few more drinks and fell asleep in a chair. When my husband came home and saw me naked and drunk and the gas station man unconscious and bloody, I could imagine what his reaction was like. He called an ambulance for the man who was not going to die after all. The police questioned me and I couldn't think of a good lie. How could anyone explain away a situation like the one my husband found me in? It was the truth and the gas station man backed me up. I thought that would be the end of it, but the creep charged me with assault!
"When the judge heard all the evidence, he didn't know what to do. Jack, after all, had willingly allowed himself to be tied and beaten. I just went a bit too wild with the whip, that's all. The judge told my husband that he would drop all charges if I sought professional help. Now I know that this is all bullshit, but I'm willing to pay you for your time. After a few sessions, you'll give the court a good report and then the matter will finally be dropped. I'll make it worth your while, doctor. What do you say?"
DIAGNOSIS:
I did not accept Helga's bribe, for to do so would be an injustice to the community and my own ethics. The woman was clearly a sadist of the worst sort and she required more than out-patient treatment... she needed to be placed in an institution for an extended period of time.
Helga's sickness began when she saw how her father treated her mother. She became a man-hater very early in life because of the beatings she suffered at the hands of her father and is a classic case of what becomes of the "battered child". Sidney Furst, in his study, PSYCHIC TRAUMA, maintains that children who are severely beaten, usually grow up to be child beaters themselves. Helga hurt her only child by sending him to a boarding school as soon as he was old enough. She then turned her sadistic streak on her husband. When Andrew had enough, even for a masochist, he withdrew from her life, leaving her to seek other victims.
Since Helga received no love as a child, she grew into a frigid woman. When she allowed a boy to have relations with her at the age of sixteen, it was more as an experiment than anything else. She wasn't really involved in her own seduction because she claimed that she had the feeling that she was viewing it from several feet away. Helga did not have another sex relationship until she married almost twelve years later. The woman married a man she did not love for financial security alone, and just as coldly had a child in order to have a hold on the man's pocketbook. Once this was accomplished, she destroyed her ability to have any more children.
William Robie, in his book, SEX AND LIFE, claims that women who resent the idea of having children are really in flight from their own womanhood. These females usually come from unhappy homes and they dislike the idea of giving children love they did not receive when they were young. Helga not only had not received love as a child, she was never sure if the man her mother was married to was really her natural father since he always made a point of denying his parentage. This, coupled with beatings, made the girl hate the idea of love, marriage and motherhood.
In Andrew she found a man she could dominate and thus who was no threat to her. Andrew was a masochist who fit perfectly into Helga's sadistic plans. As a woman-dominated boy, he grew up assuming that males were unimportant and so it was an easy thing for him to be ordered about by an aggressive wife. But a man can take just so much, and he deserted his wife in his own mind by moving into a private room.
Once Helga found herself without someone to rule and humiliate, she went hunting for other men. She soon found them because a large number of men in the country are so unsure of their manhood that they find a certain pleasure in being dominated by women. These men are the type to willingly submit to the lash and the weird demands of sadistic females.
Helga, like all sadists, needed to give stronger and stronger doses of pain as her career progressed. When Jack, the gas station employee, entered her strange world, she was all but ready to commit murder to experience a sexual thrill. If she is allowed to continue without intensive care and therapy, she will become a hopeless psychotic.
I gave these findings to the court, and today Helga is in a private mental hospital. I can only hope that she will one day return to society as a happy and stable human being.
Chapter Seven... Incest and Oralism
Case History:
Name: Janet M.
Age: 37
Janet is a slim, beautiful blonde woman who is married to a sports announcer. She is step-mother to the man's two teenage sons from his previous marriage.
"I don't know where I can turn, doctor. You are my last hope. I've reached a point where I think I'm going out of my mind. My husband doesn't know I'm here and he doesn't know WHY I'm here. Scott and Tracy do, though, they're his two sons. I suppose they are my sons, too, since I've married him but I prefer to look upon them as just another couple of boys. It isn't that I don't love them... quite the opposite. It is because I love them too much.
"This is my second marriage, too, doctor, but I have no children to show from it which is a blessing, really. I married Edward when I was only seventeen. He was fifteen years older and you might call him a sort of father-image for me. My own father died when I was nine and I was brought up by my mother and a couple of old maid aunts. My aunts were old in every sense because they couldn't stand happiness. I suppose that's why they never married. I still can see the two of them now sitting on the front porch and bad-mouthing the whole world. They never allowed boys to come around to the house and forbade me to date. 'There's too much sinning going on today," they would tell me.
"I wanted to get in on that sinning because the last thing in the world I wanted to do was to turn out like my aunts. As for my mother she just sort of drew into a shell after my father died. He was the only man in her life and she had him for such a short time.
"The boys at school said I was very pretty and I dated them on the sly but I could never know one of them for long with my aunts keeping their evil eyes on me. They found sin everywhere and they looked upon boys as devils out to destroy angel-girls.
"Then Edward came along. He was only thirty-two but he looked pretty old to me at seventeen. He had been a friend of my father's and he dropped by to see his widow. When Edward walked through the door I realized that he was one of the few men ever to enter the house. He had a dry cleaning business in California and was on his way back there. California! It seemed as far away as mars. How I wanted to go there and leave that sad house with my evil aunts behind. When Edward asked me out I quickly went with him. My aunts didn't object for once because they thought the man was only showing me a small kindness.
"Edward took me to a movie and then to an ice cream parlor. I enjoyed the looks I got from my school friends because they were wondering what I was doing with an older man. Edward took me for a long walk and slipped his hand around my waist when we were alone. He told me that he had spent all of his adult life building up a business and now he was ready to find a girl he could share it with. He had known me only a matter of hours and he was proposing!
"Edward meant escape from the awful house and I accepted him on the spot. I knew that my aunts would object to the marriage so I eloped with him to a state that granted marriages to girls of seventeen. We went to a motel for our wedding night. When Edward held me in his arms I realized that I was going to have sex for the first time. It all had happened so fast that I was scared.
"My husband had had many girls before, of course, and was used to making love. He didn't force himself on me but worked up my passions step by step. Edward slipped a finger into my vagina and thrust it back and forth as if to get me used to his penis. He took off all my clothes and licked my breasts. He surprised me when he ran his tongue over my sex and then sucked. There was a lot about love I didn't know.
"Then he was naked. I gazed at him in the gloom of the motel. His penis was standing up long and firm. I wondered if I could take all that meat between my legs. He placed himself on top of me and I felt his male member beginning to enter my body. I gasped and clutched at his back. There was some pain but there was a great deal more pleasure. Edward slipped into me with care and consideration. When his prick was dug all the way into my cleft he rose up and slipped into me again with a bit more speed. Soon he was thrusting with vigor and I became so impassioned t hat I wrapped my legs around his hips. He spewed and the warmth of his manhood filled me.
"Although my husband was fifteen years older than I was we had a wonderful marriage. California was like a new world to me and I was free for the first time in my life. Edward was not a rich man and I had to work in the dry cleaning store for fifty hours a week at no pay. He kept hoping that we would make enough money to pay for hired help but that never happened.
"My husband worked himself to death. He had a heart attack in the shop and died. I was thirty-six at the time and I had to begin another life somehow. I sold the store and treated myself to a world cruise. I felt I had this much coming to me after all the years I had put into the place. When I saw young people on board the ship enjoying themselves I was reminded of how much I had missed. Edward had been a loving man but I still felt I had been denied a youth. All my good years had been spilled down the drain of that dry cleaning shop that had given us a living wage and no more.
"I met Danny in my travels. He was a widower about my age who had two growing sons, Scott and Tracy. The boys were at school back in America and he was taking a rare vacation alone for once. Danny obviously thought the same about me because he showered me with attentions. By the time we both arrived home we knew we were in love.
"Danny took me to see his two sons who were being looked after by relatives at the same time. They were handsome lads. Scott was seventeen and preparing to enter college and Tracy was sixteen. The boys liked me and this was all Danny had to know. He proposed and we were married.
"My husband's job required him to travel a lot following teams around the country. I stayed home with the boys and it was a strange new experience becoming a mother for the first time. The boys were a delight and I was glad to see that both of them had active social lives which was something I never had as a kid. Tracy, the sixteen year old, was on the shy side but still popular with the girls. Scott was more outgoing and he wanted to be a pro football player someday.
"I let the boys bring their friends into the house and I suppose I was not very strict with them because the neighbors always complained about the noise. I guess, in a way, I was giving these teenage parties for my benefit. I still could not forget how my aunts refused to have any of my friends inside the house.
"When Danny came home he applied a firm hand but he would always be off again to attend some other game so that the boys knew all they had to do was wait until he left to swing. The relatives that used to take care of the boys during my husband's trips were no longer around because I was now the mistress of the house. I was a poor choice since I wanted a teenage crowd around me as much as my stepsons.
"Scott and Tracy told me that some of their friends had crushes on me. You know that Television ad where boys mistake much older women to be young girls? Well, that was the kind of situation I found myself in with these teenage lads. I was flattered. I had always been proud of my youthful figure and I was glad of the attention I was getting from the boys.
"Perhaps I began to feel too much like a teenager because I started to look upon Tracy and Scott, my 'sons," as boyfriends instead of lads I had to care for and protect. I could also see that it wasn't easy for the boys to look upon me as a 'mother," either. To them I was a still-young and attractive female who was living with them.
"At sixteen and seventeen boys have powerful sexual urges and my two were no different. They were curious about sex and female nudity and there were times I was aware of them peeking into my bedroom. I enjoyed sleeping in the nude and sometimes my breasts were exposed above the covers. Since I didn't want the lads to feel guilty about sex I pretended to be asleep and would roll over.
"Scott and Tracy were both given to masturbation. I could tell this by the stains I used to find on their bedsheets and towels they often took to bed with them to sop up the semen. They also kept girlie and nudist magazines hidden in their drawers. I didn't find them because I was prying but simply came across them while cleaning up. Tracy, the shy sixteen year old, once found me flipping through pages of a nudist magazine that he had left under his pillow. He blushed redly but I made it clear to him that it was quite natural to be curious about women at his age. And, since the subject of sex had been brought up, I told him that every teenage boy in the world found sexual outlet through masturbation. Tracy seemed very grateful that I wasn't going to shame him. When I was his age I had been much too introverted about sex. My aunts thought it an evil and my mother was so lost in her own dream world that I could not talk to her about this most important subject. I was glad that I was able to talk to Tracy about it freely. For a woman who had never been a mother I thought I had dealt with the sixteen year old boy's sexuality very well.
"Scott, even though he had many girlfriends, was still a virgin just like his brother. He, too, kept pictures of nude girls and indulged in masturbation. I talked to him about sex and I was careful not to lecture the lad. Like his brother he was glad to see that I was no bluenose.
"It wasn't long before the three of us were talking about sex as if I were one of the boys. Tracy wondered what it would be like to be in a nudist camp. 'I can't see how those guys can walk around without a hard-on," he said.
"The boy pointed to a picture in a nudist magazine showing a group of nude men and women together. All of the males had limp sex organs. Scott took a look at the picture and said, "I got a stiff prick now just watching them."
"'Well, I wouldn't have that worry if I ever went to a nudist camp," I told them.
"The boys looked at me hotly and I could feel them undressing me with their eyes. My heart skipped a beat. I knew that I had aroused them into wanting me and figured it was time for me to leave the room. That night I heard the lads talk about sex, nudity... and me. 'Man, I'd love to see Janet naked!" Scott exclaimed. 'I wonder if her cunt is blonde, too?"
"'No she isn't. She's the woman our father married. Don't make me out to be a motherfucker."
"'I... I wouldn't mind getting into her," Tracy admitted.
"'Who wouldn't? I can't see why dad leaves her here all the time. If she were my woman I'd been plowing into her every hour on the hour."
"This was the way the boys talked about me for awhile. The conversation even became more sexual. As I lay in bed I rubbed my aroused nipples in excitement. Every woman wants to be wanted and just because there was a legal arrangement that made these boys my sons it didn't mean their feelings... and mine... were incestuous. If they had not been so legally bound to me I would've given in to them. What was the harm in having a pair of healthy young males have sexual pleasure for the first time? Eventually some other woman would have them. They might, in their young passions, impregnate girls. I felt that every teenage boy should be introduced to sex by an older woman. Sex, like everything else, was a learning process.
"The following morning I felt eyes on me. My breasts were above the blanket and I opened my eyelids just enough to see Tracy standing near the door. He was wearing a robe but I could see that he was naked under it because he had his penis in his hand. He was playing with himself as he stared.
"'Come in, Tracy," I said softly....
"It was just after dawn and the house was very quiet. Scott was still asleep in the other room. My husband, as usual, was across the country getting ready to announce a ballgame.
"The sixteen year old boy covered his sex with the robe and walked into my room. I sat up in bed and didn't bother to cover my breasts. Tracy gazed at them and swallowed. 'Isn't this better than looking at magazines?" I smiled.
"He nodded and seemed to be in a daze.
"'Let's play nudist camp," I said and threw back the covers.
"Tracy stared hard at my blonde pubic patch. I stretched out over the bed and spread my legs. There is nothing shameful about the naked body," I told him. 'Let me see yours."
"'I... I have a hard-on," he apologized.
"'That only proves you're healthy," I said.
"The boy took off his robe. He had a slim yet athletic body. His upright tool was as large as his father's. 'Janet... I want to... I want to...," the lad said tightly not being able to get all the words out.
"'You want to have intercourse with me?" I injected. "That's only natural but, Tracy, I'm married to your father and that would mean I would be committing adultery with his own son."
"The boy grabbed his stiff cock and began to pull on it. 'I know," he said. 'I just have to do something...."
"I sat up with my feet on the floor. Tracy's upright sex organ was only inches from my face. I had enjoyed a complete sex life with Edward, my first husband, and was enjoying one with Danny, my second. I accepted oral sex as foreplay and afterplay to fornication. It was just a pleasant way for couples to pass time in bed. When I kissed my stepson's penis, then, it was more out of this play than anything else. Although I could not bring myself to engage in fornication with him I saw nothing too wrong about fellatio. 'Don't throw all that good stuff away, Tracy," I said.
"I licked his stiff penis and taut testicles. His flesh was warm and good. I opened my mouth and took his rod orally. The boy was so near the peak of his desires that he spewed semen into me the moment I ran my mouth down the length of his male member. I sucked out his come and swallowed. I continued to fellate the lad until his rod became soft and limp again.
"'There!" I said. 'Do you feel better now, Tracy?"
"'Janet... oh, Janet..." the lad sighed and went to his knees. Now that I had shown him that oral sex wasn't really adultery he wanted to perform cunnilingus on me.
"Tracy licked my blonde pubic area and chewed on my sex. I brought his young head closer to me with my hands. He was so terribly sex-hungry that I could not deny him. The sixteen year old lapped inside my vagina and his mouth worked rapidly. I was so engrossed in the oral sex act that I did not hear Scott enter the room.
"'Hey!" the seventeen year old exclaimed in a quiet tone and walked over to the bed. All he was wearing were his undershorts. He stripped them off and sat next to me. His penis was slightly larger than his brother's and he had a heavier, more muscular body with hair on his legs and chest. He took it for granted that I was willing to fornicate and he pushed me against the bed ignoring his brother's mouthings. I had to explain to him that I drew the line at genital intercourse while allowing oral sex acts.
"'I need a fuck!" the seventeen year old begged desperately.
"'You just need to get your rocks off," I told him.
"I started to French Scott and Tracy returned to performing cunnilingus upon me at the same time. I mouthed the big, handsome lad as he lay against the mattress. His penis felt massive and powerful and when he shot his juice I almost drowned in the warm semen. Once I had drained the lad he was less anxious to screw me. Males are quick to be aroused they can be calmed down just as quickly.
"Now that the boys realized I was willing to have all but straight sex they were all over me with their mouths and hands. They sucked on my nipples, licked my breasts and ran their tongues all over my thighs and buttocks. Yes, it was sexy but it still wasn't adultery... in the real sense of the word.
"After the oral orgy the boys seemed very happy. They had had sex relations with a woman. They had seen me in the complete nude. For once they didn't have to look at pictures of nude girls and masturbate.
"I implored the boys not to brag about their experiences with me because I knew how the male ego demanded an audience. I especially didn't want them to tell their father.
"'Don't worry about that, Janet," Scott assured me. 'Hell, we're not children. We knew what we were doing."
"I took comfort in the fact that they, after all, did press the situation. If it hadn't been for their Peeping-Tom antics and their aggressive interest in sex I would not have had any kind of eroticism with them.
"When Danny came home I all but smothered him with my attentions. In a way I was trying to make up for the fact that I had orally seduced his sons... our sons. As long as he was in the house the boys didn't try to make any advances on me but, once he left, they made a habit of coming into my room. The boys wanted to sleep with me but I didn't let them. Somehow sleeping with a person seemed even more intimate to me than having oral sex. This didn't stop the lads from coming into my room in the morning. Oral sex soon became as much a part of our lives as breakfast. They were both so very virile that they had orgasms every day.
"You don't have to tell me that my affairs with my stepsons is wrong. I had only wanted to give them some lessons in sex at first but now it is getting out of hand. I can't wait until Scott goes off to college so I will only have one boy to deal with.
"I doubt if I'll ever have the respect of these boys. How can they respect a woman who has oral orgies with them? But, in a few years, Scott and Tracy will be out in the world with girls of their own so it doesn't really matter what they think about me. I can't stand the guilt that mounts each time I have the boys. I've tried to make t hem stop coming into my room but I just don't have the strength. I've come here to you, doctor, seeking this strength, the will to end the sexual affairs I'm having with my stepsons.
"I've even reached a point where I've allowed girls with bad reputations into the house after Danny is gone to get the lads to switch their attentions to them. I'd rather see the boys screw these girls on the living room floor than to have them come into my room every morning. But they both have such giant-sized crushes on me they can't get interested in girls their age. How can I end their passion for me? How can I make them stop chasing me?"
DIAGNOSIS:
The reason that Tracy and Scott keep coming into Janet's room every morning is that she doesn't lock the door. When I asked her why she didn't take this very obvious precaution she became evasive. This indicated to me that she wants to have sex with the teenaged lads despite her claims that she is trying to end the oral affairs. The woman started the incestuous relations by exposing her body in the morning when she knew the boys would be watching. Under the guise of teaching them about sex, she tempted the virile males into erotic wanting. Once she got the boys active, she pretended to take the passive role in order to claim that the boys chased her instead of the other way around.
The reason Janet desired teenaged boys so was because she always felt she had been cheated out of a youth. In her thirties the woman decided to create this lost youth by throwing the kind of parties she had always wanted. By indulging the boys, she indulged herself. In her girlhood, boys were never allowed to enter her house and now she could have all the boys she wanted.
Judd Marmor, in his book, "Sexual Inversion," claims that adults who look upon children and teenagers as sex objects are trying to recapture their pasts where they had not received love. By loving the very young they are able to love themselves. Pedophilia, or the adult's unnatural desire for sex with children, is usually a male ailment but there are women like Janet who are sexually driven toward minor boys.
Janet also likes to kid herself into thinking that oral sex acts do not constitute adultery. When I explained that oralism was just as serious as fornication she argued with me in a vain attempt to convince herself she had only "played" with her stepsons. Once she realized that she had actually been committing adultery all along with her husband's boys, she agreed to lock the bedroom door at night.
The woman had come to my office seeking some kind of justification for her acts, but instead I made her face the truth about herself. I advised her to tell Scott and Tracy that the oral orgies were over and that they would have to find sexual outlets somewhere else. I doubted that the boys were the kind to force her into performing sex acts since they had not tried to fornicate her even when she was mouthing them. If they had this much control they were able to restrain themselves further and turn to girls their own age.
Since Scott and Tracy were mature enough to take care of themselves I suggested that Janet ask her husband to go along with him on trips now and then. Danny's absences made the woman center her needs on the only other available males in the house... her stepsons. Today Janet is a much happier woman and the last time I saw her was at a football game. She was up in the announcer's booth with her husband.
Chapter Eight... The Burden of Guilt
Case History:
Name: Margo F.
Age: 45
Margo is small, plump and sad-eyed. Her husband is an accountant and they have four married children. She is a grandmother to seven girls and two boys.
"Imagine me, a grandmother, getting mixed up in a sex affair with another man! At my age I should be settled down but I still have all kinds of urges. Forty-five isn't all that old, I suppose. Maybe I married too young and had too many children too fast. I'm too young to be a grandmother to nine kids.
"I was just eighteen when I married Tony. He was still going to college and we didn't have much to live on. Still, we were happy. What do young people need except love? But, those were the days, as the song goes. Once the babies started coming our love nest became a nursery.
"I love children, I really do. It's just that, when I look back, I wish the Pill had been invented then. I've advised all my children to wait for awhile before they had babies, but you can see how they took my warning. Nine grandchildren! I feel like a hundred years old!
"When my last boy married, my husband said it was time for us to look after ourselves for once. Tony is only a couple of years older than I am but his hair is almost all gray and he has a big paunch. People are surprised when they find out he is under fifty; he looks closer to sixty. This is what work and worry did to him, I suppose.
"I expected life to improve for me once all my kids were married, but it became even duller. At forty-eight Tony thought watching television and drinking beer was a high time. When I tried to get him out of the house he told me that we should act our age. Act our age! That's exactly what I wanted him to do. People in their forties are in the prime of their lives. They don't spend all their leisure in front of television sets.
"Of course, I had much more leisure time than my husband. He had his work, but all I had was a little housecleaning and cooking. After taking care of four lively kids it was simple to take care of one lazy man.
"I went to bingo games in the afternoon to kill time. It really bored me because the halls were always filled with old ladies. I was only middle-aged. I wasn't ready for the rocking chair set.
"When Tony got his vacation I insisted that we go somewhere and do something. He agreed with me on that, at least, and we rented one of these campers just to ride around the country in. With a month off, we had time to see the whole country.
"My husband liked to fish so we headed for some trout streams. I didn't like to fish because it was so boring. Sitting in one spot for hours to get a nibble wasn't my idea of excitement. Tony, however, was in his glory holding a fishing pole with his face to the sun. When a fish did bite he seemed disappointed because now he had to do a little work to reel him in.
"If it wasn't for the fact that I knew how to drive the camper, Tony would've spent all his vacation by a trout stream. When I wanted him to go someplace else I'd pack everything away and start the engine. Tony would finally give in and go to sleep in the camper while I looked for another spot... a lively one, for a change.
"I parked in a trailer camp just to see some new people instead of fishes and trees. There were a lot of people traveling around the country in trailers and campers and not all of them were near the retirement age, either. Retired couples did seem to prefer the open road, though. I thought this was better than waiting to die in a house you've lived in all your life.
"I met Vernon at the trailer camp. He was about forty and her was traveling with his wife, a real bitch. The couple were on a vacation but the man's wife had to be dragged along. She hated the idea of a camper and much preferred a fancy resort. Vernon hold me that Rita, his wife, had her way for the last ten vacations and this time he put his foot down and insisted on renting a camper.
"Vernon worked in a machine shop. He was a big, husky, handsome guy with curly brown hair that didn't have a bit of gray in it. He was on the heavy side but every ounce was pure beef. I couldn't see what Rita had to complain about. I wouldn't mind spending the night with such a specimen of manhood.
"I married as a virgin and Tony had been the only man in my life. At no time did I ever consider adultery during our long marriage... until I had become a grandmother nine times over. When I looked at Vernon I wondered what it would be like to have one last fling before I got too old to care.
"My husband had been a virgin when he married, too, and he never even looked at another woman during our marriage which had to be some kind of compliment to me. At the age of forty-eight he had all but given up caring about sex and was more interested in his job and his comforts and his grandchildren than anything else. When men reach their forties they were supposed to be at a dangerous age, but my husband was as dangerous as a pussy cat. He didn't have the energy to chase a girl even if it were all downhill and the wind was behind him.
"Vernon invited us over to his camper for drinks. It was a tight squeeze for the four of us and not very pleasant with Rita acting so sullen. She didn't even try to be sociable. I was glad to leave the camper and so was my husband.
"'Let's go looking for some fish, Margo," he pleaded when we got back to our own place.
"We had stayed at the trailer camp long enough. The only reason I had wanted to stay on was for Vernon. We weren't having an affair, but I could see he liked me. I felt sorry for him because he was stuck with such a shrew of a woman. I guess he liked to talk to me because he needed the sound of a friendly female voice.
"That night I walked around the trailer camp while Tony slept. There was a beautiful full moon and the sky was very clear. It was all so romantic with the wind moving through the tree tops and I longed for the warmth and closeness of a man to make it all complete.
"And then I saw Vernon....
"He was standing framed in the doorway of his camper wearing a tight pair of pants and nothing else. His chest was massive and hairy and I could see the outline of his sexual parts. The man was only eight years younger than my husband but he looked so much more vital and alive.
"'Want a drink, Margo?" he offered quietly.
"I wanted to accept but I couldn't bear the thought of meeting Rita again. 'I don't want to disturb your wife," I told him.
"'She isn't here," he answered. 'She left an hour ago with some other women for a bingo game in town."
"Rita would be the bingo type. The idea that she wasn't around and that I had her husband to myself interested me, so I took Vernon up on his offer of a drink. He stepped back when I passed him at the doorway and the thick hairs of his chest brushed against my arm. For some reason I felt very light-headed.
"Vernon closed the door which made the camper very intimate. He poured a couple of drinks and handed me one.
"'I hear you're leaving in the morning," he said sadly.
"'Yes, my husband is in a fishing mood," I told him.
"'And what kind of mood are you in?"
"I could by the tone of his voice and by the way he looked at me that Vernon wanted me to say that I was in the mood for love. This was a fact but I couldn't bring myself to say it. The brawny, half-nude man appeared to be more than ready for some action himself. I should've made an excuse and left the camper but I didn't want to. I was forty-five and deserved some romance.
"We had a few more drinks and Vernon kept glancing at his watch. He knew when his wife would return and this meant that he had just so much time to make me in. Finally he slipped his hands over my waist and kissed me full on the lips. I didn't object. I placed my hands on his bare back and returned the kiss. His massive maleness was overpowering.
"' My wife will be back in less than an hour," he said.
"Vernon was really telling me that I still could leave if I wanted to. But I didn't want to. I clung to him and he brought me down on top of the bed. His fingers worked at my clothes and I helped him take them off. Before I knew it I was naked. The only man who had ever seen me completely naked was Tony. Now, in my mid-forties, another man was looking at my bare flesh.
"'Nice and meaty," he breathed. 'You're my kind of woman."
"Rita was a nervous stringbean with a flat chest. For a man who liked his women on the plump side he certainly had picked the wrong one to marry.
"He pulled off his tight pants and exposed his huge cock. It was erected and looked like an entire salami. The more I was of the man the less I could understand Rita. Some women just didn't know when they were well off.
"Vernon pulled me against his body and clamped his rough hands on my ass. The moment the head of his giant prick touched my slit I suddenly turned moral. I thought of Tony sleeping innocently in the camper. He had never taken another woman so why should I take another man?
"'Don't!" I said, and placed one of my hands over my sexual opening.
"'Don't?!" Vernon cried with frustration. 'Woman, why did you go this far if you didn't want me to screw you?"
""That's what I wanted... at first," I said. "Then I thought of my husband. I can't do this to him."
"'Knock it off!" he complained. 'You mean you've never fucked another guy since you were married?"
"When I admitted that this was so he shook his head in disgust and flung himself back on the bed. As I lay there I stared down at all that wonderful meat. I leaned over and ran my tongue along it. Vernon moaned with delight.
"'Do it that way, then," he said, "I dig French jobs!"
"I took the head of his engorged penis in my mouth. It was so big that I could hardly fellate him. I pushed my face down until his organ pressed against the back of my throat and then I withdrew completely. In the yellow light of the camper his great prick shone with my spit.
"Vernon lay with an arm across his eyes and a smile on his face.
"'Keep going," he urged. 'You were doing fine. It's been the longest time since a woman went down on me."
"'Your wife doesn't?" I wanted to know.
"'Rita?" he smirked. 'That bag of bones doesn't even like straight sex. That's why I have to find women like you who are still alive."
"We had something in common. Our mates had lost interest in sex while we still wanted passion. I leaned down once more and licked the huge organ from base to shiny tip. I took his large testicles orally and licked his brittle pubic hair. Since I was only going to have oral relations with this man I wanted to make it something we would both remember. Remember? I wish now I could forget what happened in that camper.
"I took as much of Vernon's penis as I could orally again. I mouthed furiously and he kept moaning.
"'Here it comes!" he told me, and then a tremendous load of sperm flooded my throat.
"I kept on sucking until the man was dry. Even in a limp state his penis was a wonder. I place my cheek against it and lay that way for a long time. Outside a car came to a stop and I got to my feet.
"'Rita!" Vernon announced tightly.
"He pulled on his pants fast enough, but when the door opened, I was still struggling to get into my blouse. I didn't even take the time to put on my bra and panties. Rita quickly sized up the situation.
"'Why you fat old bag!" she screamed. 'What are you doing around my husband?"
"The last thing in the world I wanted was a scene. My husband was only a matter of feet away. I hadn't had regular intercourse with Vernon just because of him and I didn't want him to find out I'd cheated on him now.
"Rita tried to claw my face and I pushed her down. Vernon grabbed her and I ran out of the camper.
"'Fat slut! Whore!" the thin woman screamed, waking just about everyone within ear shot. 'Wait till your husband finds out!"
"When I got back to the camper I heard Tony snoring. I had always hated those snores but now they were like music. Rita kept on screaming and I heard Vernon beginning to shout. I felt awful. It was bad enough to have sex with another man, but it was even worse to be found out. I made up my mind that my husband would never know so I slipped into the cab of the camper and started the engine. Tony kept on sleeping even as I drove through the night. I didn't like driving in the dark, but I just had to get away from that screaming woman... and my one and only adultery.
"As soon as I found a nice spot I parked and went back into the van part of the camper. Tony was still asleep. I took off my clothes and slipped into his arms. I held him close.
"'Tony, I'm sorry," I said to his unhearing hear.
"The following morning Tony was surprised to find we had left that camp. I told him I had moved the camper at night just as a joke and he believed it. My poor, innocent, forty-eight year old man! He just wouldn't even begin to suspect that his wife had had one last fling at life and love.
"I didn't pester him for the rest of the vacation to move when he found a good fishing spot. You don't have to tell me it was guilt. It crushed me down like a two ton weight. Tony was pleasantly surprised when I didn't press him and he fished his heart out.
"I kept telling myself that I had hurt no one by mouthing a man at a trailer camp. As long as my husband didn't know, what's the harm? I was sure that many wives have had such passing flings and it never bothered them. But there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of Vernon, his salami, my mouthing, his screaming, and that fast drive out of the trailer camp.
"Tony went on working as hard as he always did and this made me feel more guilty. I just didn't deserve such a husband. When we went to visit our children and grandchildren my guilt was at its peak. As a grandmother I was supposed to be something of a saint. Grandmothers weren't supposed to go around sucking cocks.
"One night, while watching television with my husband, a western came on showing a cowboy who looked exactly like Vernon. He was big, brawny, and sexy. He also wore tight pants which reminded me of that night at the camp. My husband patted my hand and asked me to get him a beer. Somehow this touch, the sight of a man who looked like Vernon, made me cry. I ran out of the room and wept. My poor husband was so confused he didn't know what to do.
"'Margo, what's wrong?" he asked.
"I gave him some excuse about not feeling well. He was so kind that my guilt went up a few more pounds. It was getting so that I was afraid I'd have some kind of breakdown. That's why I came here, doctor. I want to avoid going crazy."
DIAGNOSIS:
Margo reacted so strongly against her very brief fling because it was the only one in her life and thus it loomed much larger than it deserved. I assured her that this one moment of oral passion didn't make her an evil woman and that she should stop punishing herself. She is a very moral person who feels that every sin would be punished. When she fellated a man she felt that somehow she should pay for it. Since the incident happened six months before she came to see me this meant that she had carried her burden of guilt around all that time. Six months of living with an agonized conscience is more than enough punishment for her very short journey into oral sex.
Sidney Furst, in his book, "Psychic Trauma", maintains that some people can indulge in all forms of sexual expression and not feel guilty while others spend years brooding over a minor slip into vice. It all depends on one's conditioning, Mr. Furst says. Margo, who had been brought up to believe that the family was the most important thing in a woman's life and that her husband was supposed to be her only man, went into agonies because, at the age of forty-five, she had her first sexual relationship outside of marriage.
As much as she desired Vernon, she couldn't not make the affair one of genital to genital intercourse. In her mind this was a major sin... adultery. She looked upon oral sex, however, as a minor sin, but this did not stop her from loading the burden of guilt upon herself.
It took several sessions before the woman no longer felt guilty about fellating a man she met on vacation. I doubt that she will ever again have an adulterous relationship, oral or otherwise. Margo is the kind of person who is unable to sleep at nights if she feels guilty about something. I was glad to have helped her of her six month bout of insomnia.
