This secret diary of a nun was uncovered in England many years ago, and there, it became an underground bestseller. The church tried to suppress it because of the many anti-Christian things that were contained in the document.
But the book has finally made it to the United States, and you can finally read about the evil practices of the nuns in Elizabethan England, recorded by one who was there to see it all and who took active part.
Sister Maria, the authoress of the document questions some of the things that were done. When she first arrived at the convent, she was brutally beaten and tortured by the Mother Superior in an effort to see how far her faith in God went.
It was after that first experience that Sister Maria sat down and started to record other things, as she saw them. It is a jagged document, shifting in time and place. Some of it was recorded only a few minutes after she witnessed the scenes, and other scenes were recorded months later, from memory.
Elizabethan England was a place where many strange things were happening. People were being accused of witchcraft, and some of them were sent to the convent in order to be purged of the Devil. Sister Maria records some of the gross things that she witnessed, in all their gory detail.
It is only fitting that we are now allowed to print this document, and show these people up for the things that they did, and the abuses that they carried out in the name of the church.
CHAPTER ONE
I, Sister Maria, have a confession to make to you, oh God on high. I confess to the sin of losing my virginity, but I do not take the responsibility for it. I confess to the sin of enjoying some of the things that happened to me as the stake was thrust deeper and deeper inside of me.
I never expected anything like that to happen to me when I joined the convent. I always thought that things like that were sacred things. And I never would have expected nuns to do those kinds of things.
I remember when I was young, at school. My friends would ask me what I wanted to be, and when I told them that I wanted to devote my life to God and His teachings, they would laugh. They would tell me that it was not a normal thing to want to do. And I saw the way some of them went off together, in the bushes, and I knew what they were doing there.
But I decided that I was going to remain pure. Virginal. I wanted to stay that way because I thought that giving myself to any man would take away from the love that I wanted to devote to God. So I decided to remain chaste, but only a few minute ago...
No.
I don't know if I have the strength to live it all again so soon. It's too soon. I can still feel the throbbing in my vagina, and even as I write, I'm sitting here with tissues to catch the dripping blood.
I am glad that I was given a room to myself, at least. Even though the room is small, and there is only a bare wooden desk and a small bed, it will suit my needs for the present time. And I ask for no more, except that you, God, forgive me for the few minutes of enjoyment that I had.
Is that why I'm in such pain right now? Is that the way You work? For even as I look down, I can still see the blood dripping down my thighs, and I wonder if I will ever be the same again. I wonder if I will bleed to death, and if I do, I want You to forgive me.
My mother never wanted me to become a nun. She wanted me to marry and have children so that she could relive her life. I see the way some of her friends are with their grandchildren. It is as if they are young again. When I told her that I wanted to join the convent, she started to cry.
"Why? Why, of all things, would you choose something like that?" she asked me.
"It is not my choosing." I said to her. "God chooses those whom He wants to serve, and I feel that I have been called."
"But that can't be. When could you have gotten the calling?"
I couldn't answer her, because there was no time in my life when I could actually pinpoint it all. But it seems as if I've known all along that this was what I wanted to do. So I couldn't give her any straight answer to a question like that.
She tried to talk me out of it, but she couldn't. She even decided to take me out to the theater. We went to the Globe, to see one of Shakespeare's newest plays, and my mother was quite surprised when she saw that the play was about a nun. It was called "Measure For Measure."
In the play, Isabella, the nun, is asked to give up her virginity for her brother's life. He has been sentenced to death for impregnating a girl, and the man who has sentenced her brother is willing to let him go if she will give up her virginity to him. I couldn't believe that this kind of thing was shown on the stage. The nun refuses, of course, and then, by a weird chain of events, she eventually ends up leaving her order and marrying the Duke of the country.
But I knew that I would never be like Isabella, because I had been planning to remain a virgin for the rest of my life.
And in some ways, even though I sit here with blood still running from between my legs, I feel as if I still am. For I still have never felt a man inside of me, and if I can, I will try not to, ever. But that phallic shaped stake that they used on me was enough to break my hymen, and make me bleed, so I still feel, at times, like I am no longer a virgin.
I never would have thought that something like that would happen. When I first came to the convent, still against my mother's wishes, I met the Mother Superior then. She seemed rather young for a woman in such a high position, but she was so kind. I never would have believed that she would do something like she did to me. I don't hate her for it, because I can believe in her reasons for doing it a little bit. I can see what she was trying to get across.
I only wish that 1 did not have to bleed so much. I only wish that I could stop the blood now, in some way or other.
"Have you heard the calling of God?" the Mother Superior asked me the first time I came to see her.
"I think that I have," I said to her. "I don't know for sure. But I know that I want to love Him always and dedicate my life to His ways."
"That is fine, my child," she said, touching my head, "but do you think that you could give up all the things that a young woman is used to?"
"What things? I have nothing that I would regret giving up."
I was only fifteen at the time, and what I was telling her was true. I thought that she might have been thinking about men, because many of my friends, as I've said, were having intercourse with boys our age. But I wasn't.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked me.
"I had one, once. But that was long ago. When I was ten."
"When you were ten? And then what happened after that?"
"I just found God, and I knew that, that's what I wanted to devote my life to."
"Then you heard the calling when you were ten?"
"I don't know. Did I have to hear a calling to become a nun? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled like that. But I can feel it inside of me, and I know that this is what I have to do."
"You think about it for a year," she said to me, "and if you decide then that you still want to join the convent, you shall."
"Thank you," I said, as she held out her hand for me to kiss. I held it as I placed my lips on it, and then I left.
I knew that I would be able to hold out for a year. I knew that it would be easy, because you could pray to God anywhere that you are. I couldn't wait for that year to end, though.
Because in many ways, I felt so much closer to Him when I was at the convent. I knew that He watched over all the sisters there, and I wanted Him to watch over me, too. I feel like He's watching over me now, and I know that He sees everything that happened.
I remained chaste for a year, even though many boys tried to get to me. I remember one day when my younger cousin, William, took me out back and showed himself to me. He started to pull at his penis, and soon, it was getting hard. I didn't know what to do. I did know some things about sex then, and I knew what he would want me to do. In fact, he tried to bring my hand down so that I would touch his penis, but I pulled back.
"It's wrong," I said to him.
"It's not wrong," he said back. "It's the way things are. Everyone does things like that. It's not wrong."
"Well, it's wrong for me," I said. "Now put it back in your pants. I want to be a nun."
As soon as I said that, he immediately pushed his penis back in his pants.
"Jesus," he said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. But you never told me that you wanted to be a nun. I feel terrible. I feel like God is going to curse me now or something, I don't know."
"If you pray to Him, and you repent for what you have done, I'm sure that He will find it in His heart to forgive you."
And then, the two of us got down on our knees, and we prayed to God right then and there. I could hear my cousin begging His forgiveness.
And I not only prayed with my cousin, I prayed for him, too.
All that prayer went in vain, though, because three days later, I saw him in the bushes with a girl, and they were fornicating. I prayed to God to forgive him once again, saying that he was only a mortal man, and man seemed to find that kind of drive in him. For some reason, that was a need that man kept thinking he had to fulfill. And I thought that way for a long time.
What happened to me less than an hour ago, seems to prove it a little bit. For that was the first time I had ever felt anything inside of my vagina, and I could feel a great deal of pleasure from it, mixed with the pain. I know that's a strange thing to admit to. But I did feel pleasure. Even as I move my hand down to mop up the blood every few minutes, and I touch my pussy, I can feel a small wave of pleasure shooting through my body.
I know that it's wrong, and I pray that I will be able to overcome that feeling. I still think that it's a typical mortal feeling, but in order for me to feel closer to God, I know that I should forget about it.
I feel now, that I am strong enough to relate what happened to me. I can feel my strength coming back to me. My pen is not as shaky as it was when I started to write at first. My handwriting is becoming easier for me to read as I continue to write, and I take that as a sign.
I came back to the convent one year to the day later, and I saw the Mother Superior once again. She smiled at me, as if she recognized me.
"You have come back to take your vows, then," she said to me.
"Yes. I feel as if I'm ready. I was ready a year ago when... "
"I'm sure that you were," she said to me, "but now you are even more ready, so you can forget about that."
"I know."
"Does your family know that you're planning to join our convent?"
"Yes, Mother Superior. My mother knows, and my father is dead. My younger brother knows."
"And what do they have to say about all that?"
"My mother does not approve, but I told her that I have to come. My brother thinks that it's good, if that's what I want."
"And how do you feel about your mother's feelings?"
"I'm sorry that she cannot understand the way I feel," I said, "but I know that it's my life. That might sound disrespectful in the eyes of God. After all, we are told to honor and obey our parents. But this is what I want, and I feel that it is also my mother's responsibility to see that."
"That's interesting," she said to me. "I will tell you what to do. You will come here next week, and you will be ready to go through your six weeks of silence and prayer. And then, at the end of those six weeks, if you still want to become a nun, you will take your vows."
"I've waited one year already," I said, "and I'm sure that I can wait another six weeks. But is this the way that things are always done?"
"Yes, my child."
I didn't take any of my belongings from home when 1 entered the convent because I knew that we wouldn't be allowed to keep them anyway.
I was issued a simple woolen dress and I was shown to the room where I am now sitting. My meals were left outside my door, and there would be one knock to tell me that the tray was sitting outside. But I was not allowed to talk with anyone, and all I did was pray. I would wait for that knock, then wait a few minutes to hear the sound of retreating footsteps. Then, I would open my door and take in the tray of food, eat, put it back out, and return to my prayer.
The Mother Superior came to see me after the third week. She sat on my bed while I remained on my knees, praying.
"Do not answer my questions," she said to me. "I have only come to see if you are getting along well." As she spoke, she ran her hands through my long red hair, for it was long then. "You realize, of course, that we are going to have to cut off your hair when you take your vows." I nodded. "And you don't mind that?" I did, a little, but if I was going to have to have it done for God, then I didn't. And since I couldn't say anything to her anyway, all I did was nod. "You are looking well, I have to admit," she said, "and I think that you will make a fine nun. If you can pass the last test that has to be given. But you will learn about it in time."
Then, she stood up to leave. I looked up at her, and she smiled at me.
If I had known what the last test was going to be, then, perhaps I might not have stayed. For just thinking about what happened, and not the way I felt, seems painful to me. I know that if I had heard about it a few days before it was going to happen, I probably never would have stayed to see it happen. I probably would have left the convent that day.
The Mother Superior didn't come back to see me until two weeks later. It was the beginning of my sixth week, and I couldn't wait to take my vows. She spoke with me again, practically repeating the same things she had said to me the first time.
"I can see that you truly have the devotion this time," she said. "I wasn't so sure about it when I left the last time. You know, many of the girls who come here change their minds about becoming a nun after the first week of solitude and prayer. But you seem just as happy this fifth week as you did the third week. And now you only have one more week to go. And then, the final test. If you can make it through that, I know that you will make it as a nun."
She stood up again, and she left me.
And finally, the last day came. I couldn't wait to see what was going to happen, although I was a tiny bit nervous about the final test. I had no idea of what was going to happen.
The Mother Superior came into my room, and she lifted me off the floor. She leaned over and she kissed me on the cheek.
"You will come with me now," she said as she led me into the hall. "You will come with me where we can put you to the final test. But remember, you are still to remain silent. This is your last day, and you must continue to pray to God and ask Him to take you in as one of His flock in the holy place."
I was moving my lips in prayer even as she led me down the hall. She took me to a room that I had never been in before. When we got there, she closed the door behind her and she turned the lock.
She gestured for me to enter the room.
I looked around the room. I could see a large basin that was used for bathing. And on the other side of the room, there was a rack that was used for torturing people. I couldn't understand why there would be anything like that in a convent, but I was to learn in only a few minutes.
"You must bathe now," the Mother Superior said to me. "If you would, please take off your dress, I will get some hot water for you."
I was a little embarrassed about getting undressed in front of her, but there was really nothing that I could do. I slipped out of my dress, and I put one hand in front of my breasts and the other in front of my cunt, just to cover myself. The Mother Superior, meanwhile, was walking over to a large fireplace. I hadn't noticed it before. But there were pots of boiling water being heated over the fire.
First, she took some cold water and put it in the large basin. Then, she added some hot water. The basin wasn't completely filled when she told me to step in.
I walked over there and did as I was told. Then, she walked back to the fireplace to get some more water, and she poured it on my back. I could feel the scorching water on my flesh, and I wanted to scream. But I remembered that I was supposed to remain silent, and I did.
Then, the Mother Superior took a washcloth and some soap, and she came back. She told me to stand up, and she began to wash me. She paid particular attention to my breasts, which I had still been trying to cover. She pushed my hand away and she tweaked my nipples. Then, she began to apply the soap. She pressed the bar against my nipples rather hard, and I was a little embarrassed when I felt my nipples starting to get erect. That usually only happened to me when it was cold outside.
"You look like you're getting aroused," she said to me as she touched my nipples with her bare fingers and began to massage them. "You must continue to pray to God, for that is the purpose of this test. He wants to see if you are willing to give up your sexuality in order to serve him."
I couldn't believe what she was saying, but it sounded valid. And then, I realized that she was going to try to do anything in her power to arouse me. Already I could feel small pleasurable sensations running through my body. She continued to massage my nipples for a few minutes, and then, she started to soap up my belly.
But she didn't work there, too long, for her next stop was my cunt. She soaped up my red cunt hairs, and then, she started to spread my lips. I could feel her trying to push the bar of soap up my pussy, and when it rubbed over my clitoris, I could feel myself getting more and more aroused. But I grabbed onto the sides of the basin for support, and that gave away the fact that I was getting aroused.
"You must keep praying," she said to me, as she moved the bar of soap in and out of my cunt.
And then, I could feel myself getting wet inside. I was glad that she was bathing me because she couldn't tell the difference between the water that was in my cunt, and my own juices which were beginning to flow. And she didn't work on my cunt too much longer.
That was to come later.
She moved around on the other side of me, and she started to soap up my back. When she began to work on my buttocks, I could feel her massaging them, too. She took my ass cheeks in her hands and kneaded the flesh between her fingers.
All of a sudden, I could feel her starting to separate my ass cheeks with her fingers, and I felt them roaming along my ass crack. Before I even knew what was happening, she was forcing one of her fingers up my asshole. I could feel my muscles stretching to take her in, and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes from the pain of it all. But I held back from saying anything, and I even managed to hold back the tears.
Because after a few minutes, she started to massage my asshole, and I could feel my muscles beginning to relax a little bit. I could also feel some more waves of pleasure beginning to run through my body, and I hated myself for it. But I prayed to God and asked Him to forgive me.
She massaged my asshole for only a few minutes, and then, she told me to stand there for a few minutes. I could feel the soap beginning to cake up on my body as it dried. But then, she walked back to me with a large bucket of hot water, and she started to pour it on me in order to clean off the soap. Again, I felt as if my skin was on fire. But it was all over in a few minutes, and then she was taking a soft towel and she began to dry off my body.
I stepped out of the tub of water, and she led me over to the rack. At first, I was reluctant to lie down on it because I didn't want to be bound.
"But child," she said to me, "that's the point of this last test. You have to put yourself in my hands, because I am the Lord's servant, and I am doing His job for Him. You have to believe that I am not planning to hurt you in any way. I am only planning to see if you have the faith to remain true to the Lord, no matter what happens to you."
I lay down on the rack, and I could feel her pulling my wrists as she bound my hands up at the far end. Then, she was tying up my feet, but not before making sure that my legs were spread enough for her to be able to gain entry.
I watched as she walked over to a table and took a pair of scissors.
"Remember when I told you that we would have to cut your hair. Well, now's the time when I have to do it. That is why I bathed you first. Now your hair is wet, and it will be easier for me to cut."
She took hold of my hair, and she started to cut it off. I almost cried as I saw my long strands of hair falling on the floor. I knew that it would take me years to ever grow it that long again, if I ever did that at all. I didn't know if it would be allowed.
It was only then that I realized how much I had to give up to be a nun. I didn't know if I would ever be able to have my long hair. But I had God, I said to myself, and I started to pray to Him as more and more of my hair was sliced off. Soon, it was all lying on the floor beside me. I knew that she must have kept some hair on my head, because I could feel it there.
I was shocked when she moved to the hair that was between my legs and she started to trim it with the scissors. At first, I thought of trying to move so she couldn't do that. But I knew that if I did that, she would have to struggle, and those scissors looked too sharp for me to want to risk anything. But I watched as she trimmed my cunt hair away. And then, when she was finished with the scissor, she took out a large razor.
"Don't be afraid," she said to me.
I could feel the blade scraping against my skin as she began to shave away the rest of the hair that was too close for the scissor to reach. I looked down and I could see my whole triangle was gone. And the skin there looked so smooth now, but it still looked like there was something missing.
She finished quickly, and then she put the razor away.
"And now comes the final test," she said to me. "You have told me that you have remained chaste up until this point in your life. You know that if you do become a nun, it is expected that you will remain chaste for the rest of your life. So we have to let you know what you're going to be missing. You have to see what it feels like for yourself."
Even as she spoke, she was moving her hand toward my breasts. She cupped them in both her hands, and she started to massage them. I could feel my nipples stiffening up once more, and I know that she must have felt that, too, seeing as how they were rubbing up against her palm. She then took her hand away from one beast while the other hand continued to play with the other breast. She moved her mouth down to my nipple, and she began to lick it.
I couldn't believe how good that felt. I could feel the pleasures running all over my body, but primarily, I could feel it in my pussy. I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter down there, and I hated myself for it.
I prayed to God and asked him to take away my feelings. I didn't want to know what this was like, even though the Mother Superior had said it was her duty to show me the pleasure that I would be missing. And the more she licked my nipple, the more pleasures I could feel through my body.
She continued to lick my nipple, and then, I could feel her other hand leaving my other breast. She started to run it across my belly, and then down to where my pubic patch had been. She rubbed her hand over the now naked skin. She started to moan when she did that, and I couldn't understand it exactly. It seemed as if she was getting turned on a little, too.
But she was the Mother Superior. She wasn't supposed to feel like that. But there was nothing that I could do or say. I continued to move my lips in prayer, even as I felt her fingers near my pussy lips. She started to massage them, and that was when she must have felt my wetness there. She took her mouth from my nipple and she looked at me. I couldn't tell if she was mad or not because her face looked so calm and complacent, but her eyes looked like they were ready to kill.
But when she spoke, I could tell that she didn't mind. For her voice seemed to be soothing, even though she was reprimanding.
"I can tell that you're getting aroused," she said to me. "I don't even have to insert my fingers, and I can tell that your pussy is getting wet. Are you praying to God and asking Him to help you?"
I nodded my head, and she smiled. Then, she went back to licking my nipple as her fingers continued to massage my pussy lips. She soon started to insert her fingers, just a little. But I could feel my pussy lips spreading and she was massaging the folds of skin that were inside of me.
I could feel my clitoris starting to grow again, and I felt her fingers rub over it. She grabbed it between her fingers, and she started to massage it. I didn't know what was happening, but I began to see colors.
I could feel the pleasure in my cunt, and I tried to thrust my ass off the rack because I wanted her fingers to be buried deeper and deeper inside of me. I know that, that was the wrong thing to do, and I prayed to God even more then, telling Him that I was sorry for feeling the pleasure. I started to thrust my ass up more and more, and I could feel her fingers sinking deeper and deeper into my pussy.
And then, she bit down on my nipple, and the shot of pleasure that ran through me was more intense than anything that I had felt through that whole encounter. I felt as if I were going to burst open from the inside, and I didn't mind the idea at all. She continued to bite into my nipple, and I could feel my pussy muscles starting to spasm.
I knew that it was wrong, but there was nothing that I could do to stop it. Soon I could feel my pussy juices flowing all over her fingers. She continued to massage my clit even while this was happening, and the pleasures grew to such an intensity that I couldn't stand it. I started to moan between words to God.
And then, the pleasures began to subside as my first orgasm seemed to come to an end. I thought that the whole thing was over. I thought that I had passed the test, and I had.
At least that part.
"You did submit," she said to me, "but that was really to be expected. I was giving you a nice workout, and I don't know how you could have done anything but submit. Whether your soul was into it or not, it didn't make a difference. Your body responded physically, and that is all that counts. Now you know what it feels like to experience sexual pleasure, but the test is not over yet. There are still more things that must be done."
I watched her walk over to the other side of the room, and she opened a drawer of a desk that was next to the fire place. I didn't get a good look at what she took out until she brought it closer.
It was a stake. I didn't know what one was then, but she held it up in front of me and she told me all about it.
"It is the same shape as the man's penis," she said, "and you have to take it inside of you so you can feel what it is you will be missing during your life. You must learn to hate this, because of the pleasures that it will bring you. And those pleasures take away from the love that you must feel for God. That is why you must continue to pray even as I do this to you."
She was running the object over my nipples as she spoke. I loved the feeling of the object as it touched me. I could feel my nipples getting stiffer by the second. She moved the pole down my body, and she pushed it near my pussy lips. I didn't think that I would ever be able to take anything of that size inside of me. It looked so wide, and I had felt how her fingers had filled me. I knew that the dildo would definitely have to stretch me if it was ever to get in.
She brushed it against my pussy lips for a few minutes, until she could see that my juices were beginning to flow. She could see that the head of the pole was getting wet just from brushing against my pussy lips.
"Prepare yourself for a little pain," she said to me.
I didn't understand why there would be pain. All the things that she had done to me before had been so pleasurable. So why would there be any pain because of this thing, I wondered?"
And then, I felt her ramming the pole up my pussy, and I could feel an excruciating pain shooting through my body as she ripped through my hymen and continued to shove it in even deeper. My pussy walls were stretching to take it all the way in, and I could feel it scraping against my tender vaginal skin. She let up on me for a minute once the thing was inside of me.
Then, she began to move it in and out of my pussy as she stood to one side of the rack and started to play with my breasts again. I looked down between my legs, and I could see that the stake was covered with blood. I wanted to cry when I saw that, because I knew that it was all my own blood. And I could feel it rushing out from between my legs, still.
"You must know what the whole thing feels like," she said to me.
I didn't know what more there was to it, but then, she was moving her mouth down to meet mine, and she was kissing me on the lips. I could feel her tongue digging its way into my mouth. I loved the way that felt, I have to admit. I could feel her darting her tongue in and out of my mouth, and my pussy felt like it was on fire then.
That was when the pain began to subside a little, and the pleasures began to increase. She started to move the dildo faster and faster in and out of my pussy. I couldn't help but get involved in what she was doing. For she seemed like she was an expert at it, and she had so much control over my body.
Her hand was controlling the stake which was controlling my pussy. Her other hand was pinching and massaging my nipples. And her mouth was making contact with mine in what was most likely the best part of the experience.
I could feel her tongue darting in and out of my mouth, and that was so sensational that I thought I was going to die from the pleasure. And at that point, God was the furthest thing from my mind.
I started to thrust my ass off the rack, even more violently than when she had been using her fingers on me. For now I felt like I was totally filled with that pole inside of me. Even though I was still concerned about the blood that was seeping from between my legs, the blood that still seeps even now, as I write this, I couldn't help but get involved in the pleasures that were emitting from my pussy and tits and my mouth.
And then, I could feel my pussy muscles starting to spasm once again, and I knew that I was having another orgasm. I started to move my ass faster and faster, and I could feel beads of sweat running down my forehead and between my breasts, and especially at the soles of my feet. I started to moan as I felt my climax starting to build, and then, I could feel at its peak. She must have known what was going on inside of me, for she started to squeeze my nipple even harder just at the height of my orgasm.
And then, as soon as that happened, I could feel the passions starting to subside. I dropped back on the rack, and I waited for her to finish whatever it was she wanted to do. She pulled her mouth from mine, and she looked at my body. She ran her fingers over the drops of sweat.
"You look like you enjoyed this very much," she said to me. "But do you still have your faith in God, and do you think that you can still serve him knowing that you will have to give this all up?"
I nodded my head yes, even though, at the moment, I wasn't all that sure. For I had never had a feeling like that before in my entire life, and it had just been so incredible.
She untied me, and she helped me back into my dress. She gave me a towel to hold between my legs until the bleeding stopped, and then she led me back to my room, where I sit now, recording everything that happened to me.
It's been over an hour now since it happened and I am still bleeding, although it is beginning to stop a little now.
And all the, pleasures that I felt at those moments of orgasm are being paid for now by the pain that I am feeling all over my body. My legs are sore, and they ache. I can feel the same kind of pain that I felt when the Mother Superior first rammed that stake into my pussy. I hope that pain does not last too long, it is practically unbearable.
But I am ready to give all that up now. For I am sure that I will never have the chance to experience anything like that again. Not while I'm a nun living in a convent. For I know that things like that just don't happen here. Here, I am living in the house of God, and in His house, things are holy and pious.
I can feel myself growing more and more tired, and I feel that I am going to have to stop writing for a while and sleep. And then, by the time I wake up, my period of silence and prayer should be over, and I will be able to take my vows and become a sister of the church.
I only hope that I can refrain from my thoughts about sex. For each time I think about what the Mother Superior did to me, I feel a tiny tingle of pleasure and... No! I mustn't think like that at all. God, I didn't think that. It just slipped out, but believe me, I am planning to devote my life to you. It is You that I love, and no one else. Not even the sheer physical pleasures of sex can change that.
CHAPTER TWO
I can't believe it. I can't believe the things that I have witnessed these last three months here in the convent. In some ways, I would be totally shocked at the disgraceful conduct of some of the nuns here, and some of the things that they do to other people in the name of God.
But each time my anger rises as I think about them, I remember that I was aroused by many of the sexual goings-on myself. I remember the feeling that I had in my pussy as I either watched, or took active part in some of the escapades here, and so I know I cannot condemn anyone.
For we are all aroused in some way. It is like the Mother Superior said to me the day of my sexual test. She told me that I was becoming aroused physically, and she was right. For there was nothing that I could do about that. When my clitoris is touched, I do become physically stimulated, and I know that many of the other sisters here feel the same way.
And that is why they do some of the things that they do.
I laugh to myself when I think that the Mother Superior told me that I would have to abstain from sex if I wanted to join the convent. I have to laugh because I never would have done any of the things that I have done, had I not been in the convent. For here, everything seems to have some kind of explanation, and no one feels any kind of guilt for the sexual practices they experience.
The first thing that I saw happening that shocked me, was two sisters making love. Their names were Sister Margaret and Sister Jacqueline. I didn't know them all that well when I first saw it happening, and I never expected it to be happening when I entered the room anyway.
But I had been going to chapel regularly, and this one day, I was just too hot to attend mass. I thought that if I went to take a shower first, I would be more refreshed, and then would still be able to go to the later mass. When I walked into the shower room, I heard noises coming from one corner of the room.
I walked there and I saw the two of them together.
Sister Margaret was the taller of the two. She had short black hair and large breasts with big, thick nipples. Sister Jacqueline, on the other hand, was shorter, and of a more fair complexion. She had smaller breasts by comparison.
I walked over and I could see Margaret on top of Jacqueline. She was licking her nipples, and she was grinding her pussy against Jacqueline's. I could hear them both moaning and groaning, and I could see how sweaty they both were. At first, I thought that it was because they were hot, like I was, but then, realized that the sweat was from their sexual passions that they were building up inside of each other. But they looked like they were loving everything.
I watched as Margaret spread Jacqueline's legs and proceeded to move her mouth down and lick her pussy. I couldn't believe it when I saw her actually spreading the fair girl's lips. Even from where I was standing, I could see the red of her tunnel, and her erect clit sticking straight out. And then, Margaret moved her head down and started to flick her tongue in and out of Jacqueline's pussy. Jacqueline was writhing with passion on the floor, and soon, she was screaming out loud as she approached her orgasm. I could see her juices flowing out onto Margaret's tongue, and she started to flick her tongue faster and faster, lapping the juices and causing more to flow at the same time.
Then, they switched places. I watched as Jacqueline went down on Margaret and began to lick her pussy.
It didn't take long for Margaret to start cumming, and she yelled out even louder than Jacqueline had when she had cum. I don't know why, but in a few minutes, I could feel my own pussy starting to get wet. I didn't want anything like that to happen, but I guess I was just getting aroused because of what they were doing. Even as they continued, I started to pull up my habit and move my fingers to my own pussy. I could feel how wet it was, and I started to move my fingers in and out of my cunt, faster and faster.
I must have started to moan, even though I didn't know it, because the two girls stopped what they were doing, and they looked over at me.
"What are you doing here?" Jacqueline asked, lifting her head from Margaret's cunt. I could see Margaret's juices running down Jacqueline's chin, and I wanted to laugh, but knew that I shouldn't.
"I'm sorry," I said, "I didn't mean to interrupt."
"Do you know this girl?" Margaret asked Jacqueline.
"I've seen her around. I know that she pretty new here, but I don't know her all that well."
"If you tell anyone what you've seen.' Margaret said to me, "we'll have to do something about it."
"I wouldn't dream of telling anyone," I said, "That would be slander, and God wouldn't like something like that." I smiled at both of them. I couldn't help thinking that they both had lovely bodies. I liked the look of their thick pubic patches. Mine was getting to be like that, since the hair was starting to grow back in. It had been over three months since the Mother Superior had shaved me.
I didn't even realize that I was standing there with my habit still pulled up and my hand inserted in my pussy. They both started to laugh, and that was when it occurred to me. I dropped my dress and stood there, not really knowing what to say to either one of them.
But before I knew what was happening, Jacqueline was walking over to me and she was stroking my hair. It was still pretty short, and as she ran her fingers through it, I wished that could have been longer. And then, Margaret moving to the other side, and she was stroking my hair.
Both girls moved their hands to my breasts, and each one started to pinch them. I loved the way it felt. I just stood there as they started to lift my habit over my head. And in a second, I was as naked as the two of them were, and they began to press their bodies against mine.
I could feel Margaret's breasts pressing against my arm. And before I knew what else was happening, they were laying me down on the floor.
You have a nice body," Margaret said to me, as she leaned over and kissed me on the mouth.
I could feel Jacqueline down at the other end of my body. She was spreading my legs, and she was moving her mouth to my pussy. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I mean, I remembered what it had been like with the Mother Superior and her fingers, and the dildo, but Jacqueline's mouth was doing an even better job on me.
I could feel her digging her tongue deer and deeper into my pussy, and I raised my ass off the floor. It was only then that she cupped my buttocks in her hand and started to squeeze them. I couldn't believe how good that felt. I could feel her moving her fingers in my ass crack, and she started to insert one in my asshole. I could feel my pussy spasming, then and there.
At the same time, Margaret had moved her mouth over to my nipples, and she began to suck on them. They were already stiff, but the more she sucked them, the better I felt. She was also running her hands over my belly. I had never had so many hands all over my body before, and I had to admit to them when it was all over, that I couldn't remember ever feeling better in my life.
But there was still so much more to come. Jacqueline started to blow into my pussy, and when I felt her warm air there, I loved it just as much as I had loved everything else that was happening to me. I could feel my pussy starting to spasm again, and then I started to cum.
When that was finished, the girls switched positions, and Margaret began to eat my pussy. It didn't take me long to cum again.
And when we were through, we lay there, totally exhausted and totally spent.
"You know," Margaret said to me, "we did this to you for a reason."
"And what could that reason possibly be?" I asked, as I reached over and began to massage her breasts.
"Well," she said, "we don't really know you all that well, and for all we knew, you could have reported us to the Mother Superior. We did this to you so you would be involved, too, you wouldn't be able to tell on us."
"I wouldn't have dreamed of telling," I said. "I told you that before you even started working on me."
"Then," Jacqueline said, "maybe we did it, because we wanted to do it, too. After all, when I saw you standing there with your habit pulled up, I couldn't help but notice what a nice-looking pussy you had."
I started to blush, and I could feel the color all over my body.
"Why did you girls decide to become nuns?" I asked them.
"Well," Jacqueline said, "I didn't know what I wanted to do with myself. But my whole life, I knew that I was different from the rest of my friends. I wasn't going after boys the way that they were. I was more concerned with my female friends, and soon, I knew that there was something wrong. It was nothing that I would have wanted anyone to see. And I did come from a religious family, so I thought that if I came to a convent, I could not only devote my life to religion, but also, I would be around girls all the time."
I looked at her, and I could hardly believe what she was telling me. After all, I had always thought that the people, or women, rather, convents, were all there because they wanted to devote their lives to God and God only. I had never thought that anyone would have gone there in order to be closer to women, although, when Jacqueline was finished telling me the story, I really couldn't think of better place to go in her situation.
"What about you?" I said to Sister Margaret.
"My story is pretty much the same, you see. Except that my parents wanted me to go and become a nun. They thought that it would be good for me, especially when they saw all the things that I was doing on the outside."
"What kind of things were those?" I asked.
"Come on, you must know what I'm talking about."
I had to admit that I didn't, and I noticed that Sister Margaret was looking at me like I was crazy. It was as if what she was going to say next was expected of every girl who was living on the outside.
I was fucking around with boys," she said.
"You weren't. You couldn't have been." I was completely shocked. But after she said it, I realized that she was right. I thought about all my friends that I had left, and the things that they used to do. But I was still confused, and I had to tell Sister Margaret that. "But I thought that you weren't allowed in here unless you were a virgin. I thought that all nuns had to be chaste.
"They're supposed to be. But who is going to know if they are or not? I mean, they're not going to check something like that, so I lied."
"God will know," I said to her.
Then, Margaret and Jacqueline both started to laugh. I watched as their large breasts heaved up and down as they laughed and laughed. Soon, I couldn't help myself, and I started to laugh with them. But I still didn't know what they were laughing about, until Margaret told me.
"I guess you're right," she said, trying to catch her breath. "I guess God will be the One who will know, but right now, I'm supposedly dedicating my life to Him, and I always thought that He shouldn't hold a grudge about something like this."
"He shouldn't," Sister Jacqueline added.
"But, it does go against the teachings," I had to tell them both, and for a minute, everyone got pretty serious.
"Well," Margaret said, breaking a short silence, "it was God who made us sexual beings in the first place. If you trace it all the way back to Adam and Eve, it was He created Eve to serve Adam. And He was the One who gave them the sexual organs in order to satisfy themselves."
"Yes," I said, "but they were expelled from the Garden of Eden for eating from the tree of knowledge and then taking advantage and abusing their sexuality."
"They didn't abuse it," Sister Jacqueline said, "they only started to learn what was fun, and what wasn't. And they found out having intercourse would be about the best way for them to have fun, so they did it."
"They were expelled nevertheless," I had to say again.
It was only then, that I spotted Sister Jacqueline giving Sister Margaret a strange kind of look. One that I still didn't quite understand.
But then, when she started to talk, I realized what that whole look meant. I was preaching the word of God, and because of it, they now didn't seem all that sure if they could trust me or not.
"Do you think she's going to tell on us?" Sister Margaret said.
"I don't know," Sister Jacqueline said back to her. "She sure seems to be pretty straight in her beliefs."
"I won't tell on you," I said again. "I already told you so many times that I wouldn't tell on you, and you have to believe that I wouldn't lie about something like that."
"I'm still not all that sure."
And then, before I could do anything, Sister Margret had pushed me down to the floor. I fell on my backside, and I could feel the cold concrete. Besides, it hurt a little when she did that.
Then, both girls were down beside me, and Sister Jacqueline was grabbing my arms. She held me while Sister Margaret began to slap me across the face. I could feel the stinging on my cheeks each time her hand landed there. But she only slapped me for a minute before she stopped.
"You promise?" she said.
"I do."
And then, she started to lick my nipples again. Sister Jacqueline continued to hold my hands as Margaret began to lick my nipples all over again. I could feel her tongue first making circular motions around them.
When that happened, I moaned. There was throbbing in my pussy. I couldn't believe how good it felt. She licked one nipple, and then she moved her mouth to the other one. I started to moan, and I tried to move my arms, but Sister Jacqueline was holding me too tight.
Then, Margaret began to move her way down my belly. When she flicked her tongue into my navel, I thought I was going explode. I never knew that the navel could be such a tender place. Well, when she did and I started to thrust my ass off the floor, she knew that it was turning me on, and she continued to do it for a long time after.
I could feel my pussy muscles starting to spasm, and I knew that the minute she moved her mouth down there, I would start to cum. I think she knew that too, and that's why stayed with my navel for such a long time.
But soon, she had to move down to my pussy. I could feel her spreading my legs and all she had to do was flick her tongue over my clitoris once before I could feel my pussy juices starting to flow. Her tongue was fast, though, and she managed to lap up all the juices that my pussy was expelling. I was writhing in passion on the floor. I couldn't get over how good I was feeling. I continued to thrust my ass up off the floor, and I could feel her digging her tongue deeper and deeper into my pussy cavern.
And then, the passions started to subside, and gently, I let my ass fall back on the floor. I could feel Sister Margaret pulling her tongue out of my pussy, and at the same time, Sister Jacqueline let go of my arms. She reached over and she pinched each of my nipples once.
I lay there, totally spent, and trying to catch my breath. The two girls were looking at me now with such loving eyes, that I couldn't help but smile at them. For I knew what they had done that for. I knew that they were doing it to guarantee that I wouldn't tell anyone what I had seen, but even more, they had done it for their own pleasure, because I had already made them that promise more than once.
"You look like a Sister that gets hot very easily," Margaret said to me.
"I know. I feel terrible about it, too. You see, I was a virgin when I came in here."
"You were?" Sister Margaret said, as if the thing were totally ridiculous to her. "I can't believe that a girl as beautiful as you never let a boy inside of her. Weren't you even curious?"
"I guess I was curious a little bit. I guess we all are. But I knew that I was going to want to dedicate my life to God, and I knew that I shouldn't do something like that if I was going to."
"You know, you might have been right in that," she said, "but I still think that it was a crazy thing to do."
"Well, I still know what it's like to feel passions," I said. "I first felt it the last day of my six weeks of solitude and prayer. The Mother Superior took me to this room, and there, she did all these wonderful things to me."
"I know what she did," Jacqueline said. "She does it to all the new girls when they come in. It's pretty much standard procedure when a new nun wants to enter the convent. But I think it goes even deeper than that. I think the Mother Superior just uses that to off herself."
"But she said that it's a test," I started say.
"She says that it's a test all right," Sister Margaret said, "but you really don't believe that, do you?"
"Would someone as holy as the Mother Superior lie?"
"Maybe it's not a lie. Maybe she's grown to believe that it really is a test, but Jacqueline and I know better than that. I've figured that the Mother Superior just has these unreleased tensions, and she releases them by doing things like that. After all, didn't it look like she enjoyed what she was doing to you when she was doing it to you?"
I started to think back. It seemed that everything Sister Margaret was saying could have been true. It seemed to me that I could remember a total look of satisfaction on the Superior's face as she shoved that dildo into me. And the way she had licked my nipples, at least in my mind, proved that she had enjoyed what she was doing to me. She had to have been. Because even when I faltered and forgot to pray to God because I was getting caught up in what she was doing, she even told me that it was okay.
And hadn't that been the point of the whole thing to begin with? Hadn't that been what she had told me the point of it was? To see if I could continue to pray to God and forget about the sexual feelings that were building up inside of me?
"Well?" Margaret said to me.
"I have to admit that it did look like she was having a good time."
"A good time? She was having the time of her life. She doesn't seem to enjoy anything other than initiating the new girls, at least from what I've seen."
"I smiled at the two of them. I was beginning to like them more and more as I spoke to them, and I was glad that I had met my first friends there.
"I think I'd better take a shower," I said to them, as Sister Margaret reached down and gave me her hand to help me to my feet. "After all, I did come here to take a shower originally. I didn't realize when I was coming here that I would get even more sweaty than I had been."
They both started to laugh, and they walked over to the shower stall that I was entering and stood there, watching me.
I turned on the water, and I could feel it hitting against my breasts. I could feel all the salty sweat washing off my body. The water was colder than I ever would have thought, and I could feel my nipples stiffening after few seconds. Of course, Sister Margaret and Sister Jacqueline had something to say about that.
"Look at her," Margaret said, as I started to soap up my arms. "It seems like anything will turn that girl on."
"Yeah," Jacqueline had to agree, "look how stiff her nipples are from the shower warning. It's definitely a sign."
"It sure is a sign," Margaret agreed.
"A sign of what?" I had to ask. After all, they were talking about me, and I wanted to know what they were referring to.
"A sign that you're a highly sexed, individual. It certainly shows if your nipples can get stiff from a cold shower. And the way you came the last time proved it even more. Why, I only had to touch your clit with my tongue and you were already cumming. Faster than I've ever seen anyone."
When she said that to me, I felt really good. Especially since I was around two people who seemed to be as highly sexed as they said I was. I continued to wash the rest of my body, paying particular attention to my pussy because of all the sticky juices that had started there. When I was finished, I reached for a towel and I started to dry myself off.
"There's only one other thing," Margaret to me.
"What's that?"
"Well, Jacqueline here might have this thing for women, and I don't mind it all that much because I like women, too. But I know what it's like to have a man, and I love that even more. It's just that there aren't too many opportunities around here to go out and find yourself a man. But I think that's what you need."
"Are you kidding?" I asked, an incredulous look on my face. "Are you really kidding, or what? There's no place around here that I'll be able to find a man."
"Just wait and see," Margaret said to me, smiling and looking ever so wicked. "Well, I think that we'd better be going, too."
I watched as the two girls started to slip on their habits. Then, they both said goodbye to me, and quietly slipped away. I knew that I would be seeing them again. I would be seeing them a lot because the convent was so small anyway.
As I dressed, I started to think about all the things that they had said to me, and I could feel my mind becoming more and more troubled. I started to wonder if all the sister engaged in the same kind of activity that the two I had met did. I told myself that I was going to start to watch them a little more closely just to see what they did.
I also started to think about what had happened to me, and what Sister Margaret had said to me about getting a man.
In some ways, I liked the idea. I remembered what my cousin's penis looked like the day he had exposed himself to me and tried to force himself on me. I remembered how hard, and bold it had looked. I thought about what it might feel like inside of my pussy, and I could feel myself throbbing with anticipation. Because I knew how good it felt for other flesh to be touching me there, and I knew also that a penis was made to fit inside a vagina.
Then I thought of what else they had said.
I was a highly sexed person.
I had liked it when they were there and they had said it, but as I thought about it, it was beginning to scare me a little bit. For I had decided to devote myself to God, and I was supposed to suppress all these feelings. I had, for so many years before, but now, they were all starting to come out. It thrilled me in one way, but it scared me in so many other ways. I kept telling myself that I was wrong to think about sex. I told myself that I should only think about God, and how good He was for having let me join in His congregation of devoted worshippers.
I cursed the Mother Superior for having done what she had done to me, even though I loved it. I cursed her, though, because she had unleashed something in me that I loved. Something that I had, had no idea of before coming to the convent, and something that I wanted to explore even more. But I was in an environment where something like that wasn't condoned, and I didn't know if I should even be thinking about it, much less thinking about doing it.
I finished dressing and I started to walk to my room. But as I passed each sister in the hall, I couldn't help but look to see what their reactions were to me and to each other. I was trying to figure out if any of them engaged in the same kinds of things that Margaret and Jacqueline engaged in.
I could see them all, naked, and kissing and licking each other. I knew that it was wrong to even think like that, but I couldn't help myself. I had just gone through a wonderful experience. At least I had felt wonderful, but then, as I watched them more and more, I began to feel guiltier.
When I went to the late mass that day, I prayed that God would somehow look down and take time to help me sort out all these things that were going through my head. I hoped He would send down some kind of an answer and tell me what to do, or at least, tell me if it was all right to feel the way that I was feeling about sex.
CHAPTER THREE
I can't say that an answer came my way within the next few weeks, but there were so many things happening. So many encouraging things. I can't help thinking that this was the right place for me to come to after all. I've seen Margaret and Jacqueline quite often within the past few weeks, and we've been together, sexually, a few times. I love it when the two of them work on me together. I love it when one of them pinches my breasts while the other one licks my pussy.
I don't think that anyone suspects what we do, but if so, they don't seem to make any indication to the fact. Which is making me tend to believe that all the sisters here engage in such practices.
The other day, I sat down and started to think things through, step by step. If what Margaret and Jacqueline had told me was true, each one of the Sisters here had gone through the same initiation with the Mother Superior that I did. And if that is so, they each must have some kind of feeling toward their own sexuality. Maybe some of them were hurt too much to have any kind of feeling. I know that if the pleasure didn't start to build when it had inside of me, I would have been in terrible pain from the bleeding that was happening. But it had built and built inside of me until it had overcome all the pain. Maybe a few of the women felt too much pain, and therefore, were turned off.
I'm still not all that sure. All I know is that I can feel the sexual longing building up inside of me. Sometimes at night, I dream about my cousin. I dream about him entering my room. He takes off his clothes, and I can see his whole body. He has very little hair, except around his penis. There, it is black, and it is thick. There is some hair under his arms, but his chest, is completely, smooth. I dream about walking up to him and stroking his nipples. I move my mouth to them and I start to lick them because that's something that I'm familiar with. I can see that his cock is starting to rise before I even touch it, and I like that idea. But I'm scared to move closer to it.
And then, after I can feel his nipples are stiff, I also feel him touching my head. He begins to push me further and further down. I try to struggle, because I'm still a little scared about touching his cock. But I don't struggle all that much. In fact, it's just a little act so he will have to force me down there. I know that it's an act because I really want to take him in my mouth, just to see what he tastes like.
Finally, my nose is buried deep in his pubic hair, and I can smell his manly odor emanating from that thick patch. I can also feel his hardness rubbing against my chin, and I like that feeling so much.
He tells me to open my mouth and lick him. Since he is in command, there is nothing that I can do but obey. I open my mouth slowly, and I start to lick the tip of his cock. I can feel him tremble when I do that. I run my tongue near the little slit and try to push it in. Then, I open my mouth wider and I take him all the way down my throat and begin to suck on him.
All of a sudden, he grabs hold of my hair and he starts to move his hips back and forth, sending his cock in and out of my mouth faster and faster. I start to move my tongue all over the hardness, and I love the flavor of it. I can taste something at the tip of his cock, but I don't know what it is. All I know is that I want more and more of him.
I move my hands behind him and I start to massage his buttocks. He stops for a second when I touch him there and he tells me how sensitive he is. But he says that it feels good, so I start to knead his ass flesh through my fingers. I love the way it feels. It's smoother than any other part of his body. I move my fingers near his asshole, and I start to prod one inside of him. At first, he seems so tight, and rather reluctant for me to enter there.
But after a few minutes, I can feel him easing up a little bit, and my finger slides inside of him. I drop his cock from my mouth and I take in his balls. I can't believe how hot they are. They heat up the whole inside of my mouth, and I love it all. I can feel the warmth traveling inside of me, all the way down to my pussy. I feel it starting to throb, and I have to reach down with my free hand and start to frig myself.
I can feel his cock brushing against my cheek as I suck on his balls. After a few seconds I can feel spasms in his cock, and he tells me to take him back in my mouth immediately.
I don't know why, but I do. I start to suck on him harder and harder while my finger moves around in his asshole. My other finger still moves around in my cunt, playing with my clit and turning me on more and more.
And then, he starts to pulsate in my mouth. I don't know what's happening, but the pulsations increase more and more, until, he starts to shoot off inside of me. I can feel his creaminess on my tongue, and I start to swallow it.
But I don't know what it tastes like, for I've never had it before.
And the only reason that I know so much about what it's like for him to start throbbing in my mouth is because Margaret told me all about a man's cock and what it's all like. She told me how a man starts to throb and pulsate when he's about to cum, and she told me about the consistency of a man's sperm.
But she couldn't tell me what it tasted like because she says she's never tasted anything to compare it to. So my fantasy usually ends right there, after he's cum in my mouth.
It doesn't even go on to anything after that. Sometimes, I try to think about what it would be like for him to enter me, but I can't even imagine that either. I can imagine my pussy lips spreading, and my muscles being stretched, like what happened when the dildo was inserted in my vagina. But I don't know what it must be like for him to start throbbing in my pussy before he cums. I can imagine it being very pleasurable though. And I'm sure that I would enjoy it if I ever had the opportunity.
Forgive me for saying that, God.
I can't help it. Maybe, if You would help me to learn about this, it would all be okay. Maybe, if You would give me the opportunity, and then make it painful for me. Then I wouldn't want to do it ever again. But right now, all I can think about is my cousin's penis (because it's the only one that I've ever seen) and what a penis must feel like inside of me.
I sometimes hate the Mother Superior for awakening me to these sexual feelings that I have, but I know that if she didn't, Margaret would have. Because Margaret was right when she told me that those feelings must have been there anyway. Even though I had never touched my pussy before coming to the convent, I used to feel some kind of unsatisfied feeling within myself.
And I had always thought that the day I came closer to God, those feelings would all be satisfied. But now I seem to be proving to myself that I was wrong.
Those unsatisfied feelings had to have been sexual, and that's all there is to it. And now, all I can think about is what a penis must be like, and I know that I would not turn down the opportunity to have one.
I know that's wrong. I know it is; but I can't help it feeling like that. I thought that if I wrote it all down, it would get the whole thing out of my system, but it hasn't, and so, I'm going to stop now.
* * *
* * I can hardly believe what I have just witnessed, and that it why I have to write it all down now, while it is still so fresh in my mind.
I don't know how they could have ever gotten away with something like what I just saw, but there were reasons for it. And anyway, because of my sexual feelings now, I am just taking it as a purely sexual act. Just like I have now begun to think of what the Mother Superior did to me as a purely sexual act.
But she found reasons for it, just like she found reasons for the scene I just now witnessed.
I have relived it all over in my head at least ten times within the last ten minutes. I only wish that I could now speak to the boy whom I've seen and ask him to fulfill me. But I know that I can't. I wasn't even supposed to have seen it all. There were a few of the sisters there, and I know that the Mother Superior must have asked them to come. But I hadn't been asked, and I can only attribute that to the fact that I've only been here a short time, and the Mother Superior is still not that sure about me. I have decided to try and talk with her and get on her good side in case one of these incidents are repeated.
I could hear voices coming from the chapel as I passed it this afternoon. There was a strange chanting going on, and I wondered what kind of service there could be. After all, the masses are all announced so we can attend, but nothing had been announced for chapel that afternoon.
I decided that I had to go in and see. I opened the door slowly, and when I saw a few of the Sisters on their knees in front, I decided that I had better hide for fear of being spotted.
The Mother Superior was on the podium in front, and she was praying louder than all the others. I couldn't make out her words exactly, but it didn't seem to be any prayer that I could remember.
"We will aid him and help him to reach you, All God on high," she was saying. "He has been cursed with the Devil, and we will help him become pure again so he can return to You and become Your follower once more.
I didn't know what she was talking about I was wondering who the "he" she was referring to was. All I could see were the Sisters on the podium, on their knees, chanting and answering the things that Mother Superior was saying.
"We will all help him," they were chanting. I looked around to see if there was any man there. But I didn't see anyone yet.
"We have come before You, God, so You might help this stricken lad. His mother has come to me and she has told me that he seems different. I did not know what she was talking about, until she brought the child with her. And then, I could see that he was possessed. He cursed Your name in front of me, and I knew all the time that it was the work of the Devil."
"It is the work of the Devil," the nuns chanted.
"And You have helped us to fight the Devil before. You must help us once again if You want to see your children returning to You once more."
And then, I watched as one of the side doors was opened, and a boy was led in. He couldn't have been any more than fifteen years old, and he was one of the handsomest boys I have ever seen. He had straight brown hair that fell down on his forehead. He had high cheekbones, and a very masculine looking face.
He had such broad shoulders, but I was to see more of them later. For right now, he was fully clothed and his hands were bound behind his back. He was being pushed in more than he was being led, for I could see how unwilling he was to be there.
"You will all die," he was yelling. "And when you die, you will see that there is no God. You will all see that there is no life after, and as your corpse rots in the grave, you will then learn that you have wasted your lives, chaste, and praying to something that doesn't exist."
The boy was led in front of the Mother Superior, and she forced him to his knees. He looked up at her, and although I didn't see him spit, I could see the phlegm running down her cheek afterwards. She reached up and wiped it away with one hand. The other hand was used to smack the boy across the face.
"You are speaking the Devil's words," she said to him.
"There is no Devil, you foolish woman," he said back, "just as there is no God. No God, no Devil. Only what you see before you. Human beings. And we have to learn how to make it on our own."
"Can you honestly tell me that you have no belief in God whatsoever?" she asked, calming herself down a little more.
"Yes," he spit out at her. "I have no belief in God because I know better. I know that there is no one but us."
"Again, I tell you, those are the Devil's words coming from your mouth," she said to him.
"And again I tell you that there is no Devil either."
"Take him," she said to the sisters who had led him in.
I watched as they dragged him to the altar front of the chapel. He was kicking his feet, trying to get away, but since his arms were tied, there was really no way for him to escape. For at one point, he did manage to slip of their grasp, and he started to run toward the back. I hid in the pews because I didn't want anyone to see me there. I could hear some sort of commotion, and then a struggle going on, and I knew that he was caught once more.
I raised my head slightly and I watched as three nuns started to drag him up to the altar. They were actually dragging him across the floor, and I watched as he continued to kick his feet. Finally, they had him up on the podium, and they raised his arms above his head and tied them to the top of the altar.
"You will start to pray now," the Mother Superior said as she walked in front of him. "You will start to pray to Him and you will ask Him to forgive you for the sins which you commit by denying His existence."
"There is no one to pray to if He does not exist," the boy said, but this time his voice was quivering a little more.
I'm sure it was only then that he began to sense his vulnerability. For before, he still had use of his feet, and he had probably thought that he could run and escape somehow. But now, his hands were not only still tied together, but they were stretched over his head and tied to the altar, too. Even if he wanted to, there was no way that he would be able to get away.
"The Devil has taken possession of your entire body," the Mother Superior said to him, "and we have to rid you of his evil doings."
I watched with anxious and horrified eyes as she began to rip off his shirt. I couldn't believe that she was doing something like that, but then I realized that she would have to strip him completely if she wanted to work on him.
I watched as she tore his shirt off in shreds, and then, I could see his naked chest. It reminded me so much of my cousin, in my fantasy. For his chest was pretty smooth, there was a little hair around the nipples in small tufts. But I could also see that he had a lot of hair under his arms, and I wanted to run up there and stroke that hair. But I had to stay hidden.
I could see the boy's chest rising and falling as he was stripped, slowly. He looked like he was horrified as his shirt fell off before him. And then, the Mother Superior was taking off his pants, but she didn't tear them off, like she the shirt. She opened the rope that was holding his pants up, and then she slid them down his legs. Since his feet weren't bound, he tried to kick them, but once she had the pants down around his ankles, it was harder for him. She purposely didn't take them off all the way, and I guess it was another way to restrain him. For had they been taken off, his legs have been free for him to kick with.
But since they were wrapped around the lower half of his legs, he could hardly move them.
I couldn't believe it when she pulled his pants down, though. I could see his cock trembling. It wasn't hard, yet, but it still so inviting. I could see the thick patch of brown pubic hair that he had, and I could actually see his balls swinging back and forth as he tried to pull his arms free and get away. But they had him right where they wanted him, and I was sure that the Mother Superior had no intentions of letting him go until she had done what she considered to be God's work.
"The Devil is everywhere in your body," she said to the boy as she started to run her hands over his naked and sweaty flesh.
He was trembling when she touched nipples. She didn't leave her hands on any one part of his body for too long, but she touched him everywhere. And when her hand touched his penis, I could see that it was starting to grow. I couldn't believe it, and knew that I would have to continue watching. For I was finally getting to see a hard cock.
She took her hands from his body, and then she called to the other sisters.
"This is going to be a hard job for us accomplish," she said to them, "only because his doubt is too great to be believed. He has no belief whatsoever for the Lord's teachings. And therefore, I am sure that the Devil is inside of him, and we have to drive him out."
"We will do it," I heard them chanting. "We will drive the Devil out."
And then, they were all surrounding the boy, and I could see how much more scared he was becoming.
Soon, they were encircling him, and, although I couldn't see it, I knew that they were all running their hands over his body. There were only about six of them, but when they surrounded him, the only thing that I could see, were his bound hands high up on the altar. I watched as his fingers tried to strain out of the bonds that were restraining him. And then, I heard him starting to scream. I didn't know what they were doing to him, but I was even a little scared for him.
After a few seconds, they all pulled back. I see that his cock was now fully hard, and it was pointing right out. The Mother walked over and she started to stroke it, but only for a second.
"We must expel the Devil from you in all regions," she said to him.
When she looked off to the side, I followed her gaze. And there, I could see a pot of water. I could see the fire underneath I was surprised that I hadn't noticed it all before.
Then, I watched as the Mother walked over and took out a large rubber bag. I saw her immerse part of it in the water, and I knew that she was filling it up. She pulled it out, and she screwed a long hose to the one end that had the hole and let the water in.
Then, she was walking over to the boy. He had watched everything that she had done too, and I could tell that he was so scared, I could actually see the beads of sweat run down his forehead and dripping from the hair of his armpits. He tried to back away as she approached him, but there was nothing to stop her She walked behind him, and although I couldn't see her, I knew that she was moving near his buttocks. I watched as she patted them. Then, she turned to two of the Sisters who were standing to one side.
"The soap in this water should help cleanse the Devil out of him," she said to them. "The water is boiling hot in order to chase the Devil away. Now you two must hold him so I can fill him with the water."
I watched as the two Sisters grabbed the boy's legs and separated them, spreading them so wide, that the boy started to scream again. Then, the Mother Superior was spreading his buttocks, and she started to push the tube up the boy's asshole. I couldn't see any of this, however, but I could tell it was all happening. And the minute the tube was pushed up his ass, I could see his cock starting to pulsate. I wondered if he would start cumming.
After all, that was the way Margaret told me that it happened.
I heard the most painful cry of all coming from the boy as the Mother Superior squeezed the bag and the water started to fill him up.
"It's burning me," he screamed, but that didn't stop her. "You're killing me. You're killing me. Please stop."
"Should we stop?" one of the Sisters asked, as she turned to the Mother Superior.
"Of course we shouldn't," the older woman said. "Don't you see that it's the Devil who's screaming inside of him? If we stop now, the Devil will always have possession of his soul. We must continue, regardless."
And she did. She squeezed the bag more and more, and I could see it getting thinner and thinner as the water flowed from it into the boy. He continued to scream the whole time, and more sweat started to drip from his body. I could see his pubic hair dripping with sweat. At times, he tried to wrench his legs free from the grip, but they were holding him too tight.
"You must hold that water inside of you," Mother Superior said to him as she pulled the hose out of him. "You must hold it inside until the soap does its cleansing of you."
But the boy wasn't listening, and I have to admit that I didn't blame him. I watched as he started to let the water drip out of his asshole. It was dripping down his legs, and soon, it was pouring out, until there was a large puddle surrounding him. He looked at the Mother Superior and he smiled.
But she didn't smile back. Instead, she slapped him across the face so hard thought I heard the sound of his neck cracking. But it couldn't have been all that hard, because he was still conscious and alive.
"Suit yourself," she said to him. "I am only going to have to give you another, and another. And each time you expel it, I will continue. There will be more soap in the water each time, too, and that is what is causing the burning sensation. And the water will be hotter and hotter as it still is sitting on the fire. But that is the way you seem to want it, and that is the way it is going to have to be."
She walked back to the pot of water, she immersed the bag once more. I watched her fill it again, and then, she was walking back to him and she was shoving the hose up his asshole once more. But this time, I could see an almost evil look on her face as she did it. She squeezed the bag again, and the water began to flow into him.
Meanwhile, two of the sisters had walked out, and they were returning with a pail and two mops.
They started to mop up all the water that he had expelled from the first time, while the Mother Superior was squeezing another load into him. I don't know what kind of soap there was in the bag, but I knew that it had to be powerful, because I could see that it had eaten away some of the wood of the floor. When the Sisters were finished mopping it up, I could see that the wood was no longer the dark brown that it had been, because the soap had eaten through.
So I could only imagine what it was doing to the boy inside. I felt so bad for him, but there was nothing that I could do about it.
The second time she pulled the hose out of him, he held in all the water. I didn't think that he would be able to do it, or that he would even want to do it, but I figured that he must have learned his lesson from the first time. I could see him writhing in pain as the soap must have been eating up his insides.
Then, the Mother Superior moved around to the front of him, and she started to stroke his nipples, gently, I could see his cock trembling when she did that, and I noticed that a tiny bit of water started to drip down his leg. I figured that the more excited he became, the less control he would be able to have over his muscles "Come here sister," she said to one of the nuns. I watched as the youngest one in the group walked in front of the Mother Superior. "Take off your habit. We have to get him more excited so that the Devil can be expelled from his body."
I could see a look of pleasure coming over the boy's face as the sister stripped in front him. I really couldn't blame him, because she happened to have had a very lovely body.
When she was naked, I could see that she had rather large breasts, with two perfectly rounded nipples. They seemed to be very stiff. I could also see her nice patch of blonde pussy hair. She had an extraordinarily tight buttocks.
"I want you to arouse him," the Mother Superior said to the girl.
I watched as the naked sister moved closer to him. She rubbed her body against his, grinding her pussy hair into his cock. I could see him smiling even more as she moved her mouth to his and kissed him. I'm sure that she was pushing her tongue into his mouth, and I was also sure that she was doing a good job in arousing him because I could hear him starting to moan as her skin touched his.
Then, she pulled her mouth from his, and she started to lick his body. She paid particular attention to all the places where he was sweating. I started to envy her so much, and I was wishing that I could have been in her place. I watched as she started to lick his armpits, and when she was through, there was no more dripping sweat there.
Then, she moved her mouth to his nipples, and she began to flick her tongue around there. I could see that her large breasts were against his cock at that point, and I think that the Mother Superior could see that, too.
"Don't touch him there yet," she said to the Sister.
I watched as she tried to move her body in order that her breasts didn't touch him there. She continued to kiss him everywhere, moving her mouth down to his and flicking her tongue in and out.
I started to think of Margaret and the effect her tongue had, had on my navel. I wondered if the boy would start cumming as soon as his cock was touched.
But I didn't have to worry about that, because the Sister was following the Mother Superior's directions to a 'T'. She didn't even brush against his cock anymore. She continued to lick him, and when she reached his groin area, I watched as she licked her way around it. I could see her sucking some of his pubic hairs into her mouth, but she never once let her tongue touch his cock. At least not yet.
She licked her way down his legs, pulling his pants off the rest of the way. I could see his bulging thigh muscles, and I really wanted to be up there helping that Sister to turn him on.
I watched as she licked his toes, and she was around on the other side of his body, licking her way back up. As she reached buttocks, I could hear the Mother Superior warning her to watch his asshole because he was still filled up and it wouldn't have been good for her to get any of that soap in her mouth. But that didn't stop her from licking the cheeks of his buttocks, and I could actually see his hard cock moving when she did that.
She licked her way up his back, and she was moving around to the front of his body and she was kissing him again, just like she had done when she had started. But this time, she wasn't grinding her hips against his cock. She wasn't even touching it at all, and I could see that there was a single, glistening drop of moisture at the tip of his penis.
I fantasized about having that drop in my mouth. It was that single drop of excitement that Sister Margaret had told me about. She said that it was one way of telling that a man was getting turned on when the tip of his cock started to get moist with his drops of cum.
The nun pulled back and she looked at the Mother Superior. I'm sure that she was wondering what it was the older woman wanted her to do next. And I couldn't believe my ears when I heard her direction.
"You must take him inside of you, but you mustn't let him cum there. For it is the Devil's seed that he will be spurting. You must work him up to his point of cumming, but each time you feel it inside of you, you must stop. Because we have to let his seed build up inside of him so when he does expel it, it is taking all of the Devil out of him."
The Sister nodded, and then, she walked closer to the boy. She spread her legs and she hopped onto his body. I couldn't believe that she was planning to get support that way, but it seemed like she was going to be able to do it. His hard cock was right under her ass as she wrapped her arms around his neck for added support.
I watched as the Mother Superior took hold cock from below and started to move it toward the Sister's pussy lips. She forced him right inside of the young girl, and then, the girl wrapped her legs tighter and tighter around his ass as she slid down, moving him deeper into her.
I could feel a familiar throbbing in my pussy as I watched all this, and I knew that I was becoming aroused. I couldn't help it. Here I was, in a church, witnessing a man, well a boy, really, and a Sister making love in the name of the Devil.
Because that's what it really came down to. I don't know, and I don't care about what the Mother Superior said about driving the Devil out of the boy.
All I know is that they were fucking.
Because in my mind, really, that's what it all came down to. I don't care if it was in the name of God or in the Devil, or whatever it was. They were still fucking, and I could feel my pussy throbbing as I watched them.
I don't know why I did what I did next, but I just couldn't help it. I moved my hand down under my habit, and I pushed my fingers into my pussy. I couldn't believe how wet I was there, but I had expected it. My fingers slid into my pussy so easily, and I started to move them in and out, faster and faster.
I could see that nun's ass moving up and down as she rode the boy's hard cock. As I slid my fingers in and out, I started to imagine that it was my pussy that cock was moving in, and as a result, it didn't take me long to cum. I held down my moans, even though when I came, I felt like screaming out for joy. I could feel my juices running all over my fingers, and I looked down on the floor and I could see them there, too.
I looked back up at the boy, and I could see his face getting redder and redder. It looked like he was ready to cum, even though I'm not all that sure what a boy would look like in a situation like that. All I know is that he was starting to moan, and he was puffing his cheeks in and out.
At one point, the Mother Superior touched the girl's ass and she told her to slow down a little bit. I figured that was because she was aware of the boy's very excited state, and she had already warned the nun not to let him cum inside of her. I think that the nun was very scared about that because the Mother Superior had said that his expulsions would carry the Devil in them. Which was a nice way of saying that his cum had the Devil in it.
I watched as she started to rock up and on his cock once more. I could see his balls moving under her ass as she rocked up down on him. I wanted to cup them in my hand and then take them in my mouth, to see if they would be as hot as they were in the fantasy that I had about my cousin. Sister Margaret had told me that the man's testicles get very hot when he's excited, and I wanted see if she was telling me the truth, even though I had no cause to doubt her.
The Mother Superior slowed the girl down a second time. I don't know how he managed to compose himself, and also, how he managed to hold that water in him at the same time. Because it was only after the second time that the Mother Superior slowed the girl down that I saw another trickle of water running down the boy's leg, and then I remembered that he still had all that water up his asshole.
"This time," the Mother Superior said to the girl, "you are to lead him up to his climax, and then, when you feel him throbbing inside of you, you, must jump off him. For if any part of him cums inside of you, we must expel the Devil from you, too."
I could see a look of fear on the nun's face as she believed every word that the Mother Superior was saying to her, and she didn't want to have to go through the same kind thing that he was going through.
I watched the girl start her third and final ride on the boy's penis. If I were her, I knew that I would approach this one ever so slowly because I wouldn't know when I would ever have the opportunity of doing something like this again. But she didn't approach it slowly at all. She started to rock up and down on his cock so fast that he slipped out at one point.
The Mother Superior reached down, gave him a hard squeeze, and then forced him back inside of her once again.
I don't know if the Sister came or not because she seemed too caught up in what she was doing. If she did cum, though, she didn't make any kind of outward signs indicating that she did. I'm sure she had to. After all, his cock was brushing along her clitoris, and if she had any kind of normal feelings inside of her, she would have had to feel something.
Maybe she was just trying to hide it all because she didn't want the Mother Superior to see how involved she was getting in the whole experience. I looked at her very well and tried to remember her face because I decided then and there that I would confront her later on with what I saw and ask her what she felt. For the idea of having a man's penis inside of me fascinated me more and more by the second, and I knew that I would have to hear exactly what it was like.
I watched her moving faster and faster on him, and then, she must have felt him throbbing uncontrollably because all of a sudden, she jumped off him. But not before his cock started to pulse and he shot out a heavy load of cum.
It landed on her belly, and the Mother Superior pushed her away.
"Quick, wash it off," she yelled, and the trembling girl scurried away to the bucket of water that was over the fire.
The Mother Superior, meanwhile, had taken firm hold of the boy's cock, and she started to run her hand up and down over the shaft faster and faster. I could see his cock throbbing, and then, he was cumming more and more. I could see the creamy white consistency of his ejaculations.
I had such a desire to run up there and lick up all that wasted cum. I really wanted to know what it tasted like, and I wanted to know if the consistency of it felt as creamy on my tongue as it looked lying on the floor.
And then, his penis started to go limp in the Mother Superior's hand, but she continued to run her hands back and forth over it. I could even see her squeezing it as if she wanted to get every last drop out. And I could actually see the final drops dripping out of the head of his penis.
All of a sudden, the boy spoke, for the first time since the Sister had started to ride him.
"You'd be sure to get it all out," he said. "If you sucked it."
She didn't seem to like that too much, because she slapped him across the face, harder than she had done before. The slap practically rendered the boy unconscious and I watched his head drop down to his chest. He lay there, unconscious, and I saw the Mother Superior turn to the girl.
"You did an excellent job," she said, "and He will reward you in the afterlife for having helped to drive out His foe."
She smiled, as if she were really pleased and believed all that. It wasn't that I, myself, had any reason to doubt what the Mother Superior was saying to the girl, but I didn't believe her all that much either. I wanted to think that what the Mother Superior was saying was true, but all I could think of was the fact that this nun had fucked this boy.
Fucking.
On church grounds and in the name of God.
It was only then that I decided to sneak out. I wanted to see what would happen to the boy when they were through. I wanted to see if he would now repent for having said that there wasn't any kind of God. I wondered if he would say that when he regained consciousness.
But deep down, I was sure that he wouldn't. I was sure that what they had done to him meant nothing more than a good fuck. I did stay to watch them untie his bound hands from the altar, but I snuck out while they were carrying him out of the room. I thought that it would be the most opportune time.
And here I sit, recording all these facts as they happened, and I wonder if I will ever get in the grace of the Mother Superior enough for her to let me do something like that Sister did in order to help God.
I can feel my pussy throbbing at the anticipation of actually having a chance to ride someone's cock. I don't care if I won't be allowed to let him cum inside of me. All I know is that the throbbings and pulsations inside of me will be enough to enable me to cum. I know it.
I can feel it in my bones, and in my pussy.
God, forgive me for saying that, too, but it's in Your name that the Mother Superior is carrying out all these things, and it's in Your name that I would agree to go along with it all. If that is any way for me to get into Your good grace, then I want to, more than anything else in the world.
And now, I have to go because I can feel a tension rising in me. I know that the only way to release my tensions is to play with my clitoris.
But I continue to hide this journal under my bed, for if anyone should find it and show the Mother Superior my thoughts...
No! I refuse to even think about it all.
CHAPTER FOUR
The day after the incident which I witnessed, I talked to Margaret about it. I was hoping that I would find Jacqueline and Margaret together so I could get their opinions, but Jacqueline had been called upon to teach a class. You see, they have classes for young girls here in the convent, and the teacher was sick, so Sister Jacqueline was substituting. I invited Margaret to my room, and I think she had the wrong impression at first.
For as soon as the door was closed behind us, she tried to kiss me and touch my trembling breasts. But I pushed her away.
"Not now," I said to her.
"What's wrong then? Isn't that what you invited me here for?" she asked.
I looked at her, and I could sense a bit of hurt in her eyes. I didn't want her to feel that way, so I stroked her cheek, just to let her know that I still did care.
"I have to talk with you about something, and that's why I invited you here. I have to tell you about something that I witnessed."
"What could be all that important that's causing you to act like this?"
And then, I told her about everything that I had seen, from the first minute. "And you say that this Sister fucked that boy?" she asked when I was finished relating my story to her.
"Yes, she did. That's what it all came down to in the end, at least. I couldn't believe it first, but... "
"What?"
When I didn't answer, she smiled at me, and she reached over and stroked my short hair. My hair had grown a little since the Mother Superior had cut it, but it still wasn't as long as I would have liked it to be.
"You wanted to be the one fucking that boy, didn't you?" she asked me.
"How can you say something like that?"
"It's easy. If there was a mirror in the room, and you could see your face, it would be just as easy for you to tell as it is for me right now. I've seen the faces of many girls who want to fuck some man or other, and I can tell that you have the same look that they had."
"You're right," I said. "I can't believe that I'm not even able to hide anything like that from you."
"It's not only from me. If anyone had seen you looking this way, and they had known the things that you have seen, they would be able to figure it out, too."
"I can't help feeling guilty about having thoughts, though," I had to say. "It is within God's teachings."
"There you go again, finding excuses. You've been like that from the first day we met, you know."
"Is it all that obvious?"
Margaret started to laugh, and she leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. I liked it a lot when she did something like that to me.
"You know," she said, "the one thing that I liked about you the first time that we met was your innocence. I like that still, now."
"My innocence?"
"Of course. The first time Jacqueline and I seduced you, I was looking at your face. I could see one part of you thinking that this was wonderful. I knew that you were getting carried away by what we were doing, and I could sense that total feeling of satisfaction. Well, I shouldn't say total, because I should know better. That tiny other part of you that I could sense, that told me something different. That told me that you still had fears about what you were doing, and that made me think you were so innocent."
"But I was," I had to insist. That was only the second time that anyone else had ever touched my body. Why, I had never even masturbated until I became aware of my own sexuality, and that wasn't until the Mother Superior had raped me."
"So, its rape now, is it?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"The last time I spoke to you, you didn't use as harsh a word as rape. I wonder what you'll be calling our seduction in days to come. Will it change into a rape, also? Think about it, Maria."
"I would never call what you did to me a rape. But that's getting off the subject now anyway. Tell me, what, do you think about what I just told you? What do you think about that boy and what happened?"
"I can't say that I've ever seen or heard about anything like that happening around the convent before, but all I can say is if it happens again, I want to know about it and I want to be there."
"So do I," I said, and then, I started laughing. "Can you imagine what we should say to the Mother Superior about something like that? Should we just come out and tell her that we want to be there the next time they bring in a boy who has to have the Devil fucked out of him?"
And then, Margaret started to laugh, too.
"I see your point," she said to me. "I can see it all so clearly now. But you're right. We have to think of some way to get into the Mother Superior's grace so we can be asked to participate next time."
We sat there in silence for a few minutes, and I couldn't help but notice the way Margaret was looking at me. Her eyes were wandering up and down my body, as if she were seducing me just by looking at me. I could feel a tingling in my breasts when I noticed her eyes gazing right at them.
And then, all of a sudden, it hit me. I started to babble on and on.
"You know," I said, "we don't even know if it takes getting into her good grace or her bad grace. We don't know anything of the sort. I mean, supposedly, in the Mother Superior's mind, that girl was taking a risk by fucking him. I mean, if he had cum inside of her, the Mother Superior probably would have performed the same kind of exorcism on the girl. So maybe, she was being punished for something that she did, rather than being rewarded. I'm really not all that sure. I wish there was some way I could find out."
"You know, you're right," Margaret said to me. "You're so right."
"But I think I have an idea. I remember thinking, as I was watching all the things happening, that I would like to have a talk with that girl. I remember thinking about it even then, and I'd still like to. I remembered what she looked like purposely so I could find her and talk to her."
"Then what in heaven's name are we waiting for?" Margaret asked as she tugged on my arm and pulled me to my feet.
We were out the door in a few minutes, and we were running to the dining hall. It was almost noon, and most of the Sisters took their meals together. We got there faster than I had ever gotten there before, and when we walked in, I could see that most of the Sisters were already seated with their tray of food in front of them.
Seeing as how we didn't have any assigned seats, and we could sit wherever we wanted to, when, we wanted to, I started to look around for this blonde nun that I had seen. And since our order was not all that big, it didn't take me long to spot her. She was sitting at a table with a few other older Sisters, and that gave me some kind of idea about getting her to join Margaret and I at our table, which Margaret had already gotten.
I walked up to her, and I bent down and whispered something in her ear. She smiled at me, and then she stood up. She excused herself from the other Sisters who were sitting with her, and then, she picked up her tray of food and she was carrying it over to our table.
"That was a neat idea," she said to me, as she sat down.
"What did you tell her?" Margaret asked me.
She seemed to be amazed that I had gotten her over so fast.
"She just told me that if I wanted to spend my time sitting at a table with a lot of older women, that was fine, but if I wanted to move and join the younger crowd, I was welcome. And then, she said that all I would have to do would be to get up, excuse myself, pick up my tray and come over here because they wouldn't know what it was that she had told me to begin with."
"That was a neat idea," Margaret had to agree. "By the way, my name is Margaret, and this is Sister Maria."
"I'm Sister Theresa," she said, smiling. "I really wanted to introduce myself to some of the younger sisters earlier, but I just never had the chance. You see, when I first came here, there didn't seem to be so many younger people, so I just grew accustomed to eating and talking with some of the elder women here."
"I can understand that," Margaret said. "I'm just a little surprised that we never got to talk with each other because this place is so small."
"I've been doing work for the Mother Superior," she said.
Margaret and I gave each other a sly look because we both knew what kind of work she was doing, if that was considered to be any kind of work at all. In my mind, it seemed more like play.
I wanted to ask her about the kind of work that she was doing, but I decided to let it wait a little bit. We just talked as we ate, and Theresa told us about why she had decided to join the convent. She told us that her parents had both died when she was young. She had a brother, too, and he was taken to a monastery to be raised, and she was taken to this convent. She had been here now for almost fifteen years, and she had only taken her vows less than a year ago.
"How old are you then?" I asked her.
"I'm only nineteen," she said, trying to hide her beautiful smile.
"Wow," Margaret said, "I wish that I was your age and I had all the experiences that you had. Oops, I shouldn't have said that."
But it was too late. Theresa looked at Margaret with questioning eyes, and the actual question followed.
"What kind of things are you talking about?" She asked.
"I guess I should be the one to tell you," I said, "especially since I was the one who witnessed the whole thing. I was in the chapel two days ago when the Mother Superior was using you to exorcise the evil spirits from that young boy's body. I know that it was wrong, but I heard chanting, and then I decided that I had to see what was going on. I snuck into the chapel, and I watched everything."
"You did?" she asked, not seeming shocked at all.
"Yes. I saw the way the boy was stripped, then I watched as you rode his cock in order to bring the Devil out of him."
She was silent for a few seconds, and I noticed that she dropped her eyes and looked at the table. I wondered if she was too embarrassed to talk with us about it further. I was just about to speak, when she did instead.
"What you saw was something that the Mother Superior would be upset about, if knew. You must promise not to tell her that you saw us."
"I wasn't planning to," I said. "But there is one thing that I would like to know. Why were you chosen to do something like that? Why you, out of all the other girls in the Convent?"
"It's only because I know the Mother Superior so well, and she knows that I would never tell anyone else about it."
"But what about the other Sisters that were there? I saw them touching the boy's body, even though they didn't actually fuck him like you did."
"Is that what you call it?" she asked, almost on the verge of laughter. "Is it called fucking? I always thought that it was intercourse."
"It's all the same thing," Margaret said. "There are a lot of words for it, but that's all beside the point. What Maria and I want to know is, is there any way that we can get involved in what was going on? I mean, do you have to get into the Mother Superior's grace in order for her to let you do something like that, or what? We want to know how you came to be chosen."
"I already told you that it's because she knows she can trust me. I wouldn't have been chosen otherwise."
"Well, she can trust me," I said. "I'll tell her that she can trust me if she lets me do thing like that."
"She'd never let you with reasoning like that," Theresa said to me. "You see, I'm still trying to figure out if what she's doing is because she really believes in it, or because she gets off on it."
"I was wondering the same thing as I was watching," I said. "And the same thing goes for you, basically. I was trying to figure out if you were getting off on it. I mean, did you have an orgasm while you were fucking him?"
"Many. But I've learned how to hide them over a period of time. You see, I just try to pretend that I am doing the Lord's work, and I try to repress my feelings of pleasure."
"How long have you been doing something like this?" Margaret asked.
"This is only the third boy that I had to cure. The first one was accused of sleeping with a girl, and he had to pray while I rode his penis. The second one was supposed to have the Devil in him, too. But he was different this boy in that he was actually screaming out curses and telling us that the Devil would destroy us all. Not only did I ride him, but at the same time, the Mother Superior was applying a burning torch to his buttocks to burn out the Devil. I could hear him crying, and I could see that his skin was peeling away. It was awful. But this last boy was so different. All he did was deny the existence of God, and she said that he had the Devil inside of him for that reason."
"But that is what the Bible teaches us," I said to her. "If you deny the existence of God, it must be the Devil's work."
"I guess you could say that," Theresa said to me.
"It's not me who's saying it. I'm quoting from the Bible."
"Regardless, all I know is that I terrific time fucking him. You know something? I like the sound of that word a lot. It rolls off the tongue."
"Don't say it too loud," Margaret looking around the room and making sure none of the other sisters were listening to what we were saying. "I somehow get the feeling that many of the Sisters here would be upset they heard you talking like that."
"Well," I said, not really caring what Margaret was saying, "what about those Sisters who were there watching you?"
"Yes," Margaret said, "do you think that Maria and I could get to do what they doing? I think that it would be great fun."
"You'd never get to do it with an attitude like that. But I'll see what I can do when I talk with the Mother Superior."
"Would you? Do you really think that you could talk her into something like that? I mean, into letting us?" I was getting so carried away, because I was so anxious about it all.
"I'm not promising anything," she said to me, as she smiled, "but the Mother Superior is very close to me, and I think that I would be able to talk her into it all right."
"That's great," Margaret said, as she stood up. "Well, I think that I should be getting back to my room because I have a few things to do."
"I'll walk with you," I said to her, as I stood up, too. "Look, Theresa, it's been great talking with you, and I'm sure that we'll be able to talk some more."
"We will, I'm sure," she said.
She didn't make any kind of move to get up, so we both carried our trays to the dispatchery, and we left. I couldn't help but notice how cute she had been, and Margaret had to agree with me.
"I can tell you one person who would like her."
"Who?"
Jacqueline, of course. I think that she would go crazy if she ever laid eyes on that girl. After all, you remember what she told you. She has this tremendous attraction for women."
"That's right. I remember that now."
"Yes, you'd better, because she's just as attracted to you. Now, let's confer. Do really think that she'll be able to help us?"
"I couldn't say," I said, as we started to walk down the hall toward Margaret's room. "She said that she would help us."
"I know, but I've been deceived before in my life, you know. I really wouldn't be that surprised if the went and told the Mother Superior that you had witnessed the whole thing, and then the Mother Superior called us both into her office."
"But why would she ever do a thing like that?"
"I don't know. But honey, you just seem to be too trusting of people. You have to learn that there are just so many different kinds of people in the world, and most of them are out looking for their own well-being."
"But what possible reason could she have for not liking us? I mean, we're only trying to be friends with her, and we haven't asked her for all that much. I'd only like to take part in the fun."
"I know that, and you know that, but does Theresa? And besides, taking part in the fun might mean, in her mind, that you're taking away from her fun. After all, you said it yourself. She was the only one who got to use that boy's cock. The others just all stood around and watched. She might be thinking that you want to take her place."
"She'd be right to think something like that."
"But you know, we forgot to ask her if she enjoys it or not. If she does, and you want to do it, she's certainly not going to let you."
"And what if she doesn't like it?"
"Well, then, you'd seem to be in luck. Maybe she'd want you to take her place as the number one male fucker in the convent. But that's something we should have found out before telling her anything."
"You know, you're scaring me by saying all that."
"We were just standing outside of Margaret's room when I said that. She opened her door and pulled me into the room with her. She closed the door behind us, and then she pulled me closer and kissed me on the lips. I could feel her tongue digging its way deeper and deeper into my mouth. Then, she pulled back.
"Did that soothe you?" she asked.
"A little. But it made me more excited than it soothed me."
"I'll fix that." And then, she started to unbutton my habit. When she had it open in the front, she kissed my already stiff nipples. I could feel the pleasures all the way down in my pussy. My legs started to give way under me, and I couldn't stand anymore. I sunk down into her bed, and she was on top of me.
She started to kiss me all over, pulling off the rest of my garments at the same time. Soon I was lying on her bed, totally naked. She spread my legs and she started to lick my pussy lips. I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter inside, and soon, I was pushing her head closer to my muff. I wanted her to stick her tongue inside of me so bad, that I told her so. And even before I was finished telling her, she was starting to do it.
I felt myself starting to cum already.
I started to moan as I arched my ass off the bed. I could feel Margaret's tongue sinking deeper and deeper into my very existence. I felt as if she were controlling all of me, even though she was really just controlling one part of me. But that one part seemed to have so much power over my entire being.
I could feel her cupping my buttocks in her hand, and I started to moan even louder. And then, I could feel my pussy muscles spasming more and more.
"You're always so hot," Margaret said to me as she let go of my buttocks and reached up to pinch my nipples again.
And then, I could feel the passions starting to subside. I let my ass fall back on the bed, and I could feel her licking out what was left inside of me. I could feel her sucking out all my juices, and I felt great.
I dressed quickly, and then I went back to my room. I was only there for a few minutes, and I was just getting ready to pray. All of a sudden, there was a knock at my door.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"The Mother Superior. I would like to talk to you for a few minutes."
I started to tremble. I couldn't imagine what she could possibly want to talk to me about. And then I thought about Theresa, and I realized that she had probably told the Mother Superior everything. I started to sweat as I reached for the handle and opened the door.
The look on her face was so calm and complacent, just like it had been that first time she had raped me. She was smiling, too, as she entered my room. She closed the door behind her, and then looked at me again.
"Would you like to sit down?" I asked her.
"No," she said, rather sternly, "what I have to say won't take too long. I have heard that you've seen many things here. Things that I would rather you had not seen. Am I correct in my assumptions?"
"You might be correct if you would tell what things you're talking about," I said to her. "It's true. I've seen many things here, but I don't know which ones you're talking about."
I didn't know what had given me courage to talk to her like that, but in some ways, I had reasoned the whole thing through. You see, I didn't want her to know that I had seen those things, unless she told me. And in a way, I wanted her to tell me about those things, just so I could see the way in which she interpreted them.
"I'm talking about the exorcism in the chapel a few days back. Sister Theresa told me that you witnessed it."
"Is that what you call it?" I asked. "An exorcism?"
"Certainly, my child," she said to me. "The purpose of it was to drive the Devil out of that boy."
"And did you? Did you really drive the Devil out of him? I didn't stay long enough see how he was feeling when it was all over."
"We didn't," she said to me, "and that is why I am here. Sister Theresa told me about your interest in what we did."
"Did she?"
"Yes. I do wish that you would have spoken to me about it first, though. But now that I know that you are willing, I would like your help."
"In what way can I help you?" I asked her.
"As I've said, we were not successful in driving the Devil out of that poor boy's soul. He still denies the existence of God, and he speaks the Devil's words in doing so. I will ask you to help him. I will ask you to go and talk to him, and then, if you can, to try and drive the Devil out."
"But..."
"Are you scared?" she asked me.
"I didn't know if I was scared then. In some ways, I was, mainly because I still didn't know what she expected of me. And in other ways, I was looking forward to being able to be with the boy.
"I'm not sure," I said to her. "If you would tell me exactly what is expected of me, I'll tell you."
"What is expected of you?" she said to me. That's a perfectly valid thing to ask. The boy still lies with his arms bound together. He still denies the existence of God. He is in a small room, all alone. I just want you to go in and talk to him."
"Is that all?"
"What more did you expect?"
"I'm not sure. I mean, I did see what Sister Theresa did to him, and I just didn't know if that was the same kind of thing you expected me to do."
"You mean intercourse with him? If that is the way you want to go about it with him, that is the way it must be. But it is for you to decide. After all, you are working with the Devil, you must remember."
I thought it so odd that she still insisted that I was working with the Devil. For as far as I was concerned, she was just giving me the opportunity to fuck this boy. It was an opportunity that I had been thinking about, but now that it seemed too near to me, and it seemed like I was going to have the chance I do it, I was even more scared.
"When will I do it?" I asked her.
"I think that tomorrow will be the best for you," she said. "Now, I would like you to think about the ways in which you are going to go about driving the Devil from this boy's soul. Today you think of the methods, and tomorrow you put them to use. I will come for you tomorrow then."
"Thank you, Mother Superior," I said to her. "Thank you for picking me for such a deed."
"I am not the one who has chosen you, you must always remember that. Rather, it is God's wish that you do this deed for Him."
She held out her hand for me to kiss, and I did. Then, she opened the door and she left. I stood there, a bit stunned, still looking at the door long after she was gone.
I was more confused now than ever before. First of all, the Mother Superior knew that I was still a virgin, in the technical sense, of course. And now, it seemed as if she was willing for me to go in and fuck that boy.
Of course, it was all in the name of God. But still, she herself had said that it was 'intercourse,' that I would be using, if I had to. It was as if she was sanctioning the loss of my virginity in the name of God.
But I was still confused as to why she picked me, and why she was going to be sending me into a room alone with that boy. He would be bound, I thought, and that would make things much easier for me.
So I sat down and began to think of the things that I would do to him, the things that I would say to him, and the way I was going to drive the Devil from his soul.
CHAPTER FIVE
It's over now, and I can't believe how glorious I feel. I can still feel a pleasurable throbbing in my pussy thinking about it all.
They came to get me early in the morning. The Mother Superior and Sister Theresa were together. I heard the knocking at my door, and I opened it slowly.
"We are waiting for you," the Mother Superior said to me.
"For me?"
"Yes. We have come to get you so you can talk to the boy and save his soul from Satan's hand."
"I quickly slipped into my habit, seeing as how I hadn't been dressed. When we walked outside, and I looked up at the sky, I could see that it was still fairly dark outside. The sun was just beginning to rise.
"Why must I do this all so early?" I asked as I walked along with the two Sisters at my side.
"You must start to work on him early in the morning, before the Devil has had his chance to fully awaken. It's easier for you that way."
"Is that the way it works then?" I asked.
The Mother Superior just smiled at me, but she didn't answer me that time. We continued to walk along until we came to another hallway at the far end of the chapel. This was a hallway that I didn't know existed up until point. As we walked down there, I could sense some kind of eerie presence.
"What is this place?" I asked the Mother Superior.
"It is a special place," she said to me. "You must ask no more. I only ask that you trust me, and keep it secret from everyone else."
"Of course I will," I said, even though I had every intention of telling Margaret and Jacqueline about it the next time I saw them.
The Mother Superior stopped in front of one of the doors. I noticed that Theresa looked a little scared, and because of that, I was beginning to look scared too. It was only once I was inside that I realized she was scared for my sake, because she still must have thought that the Devil was inside that room, in that boy's soul.
"Here is the room, and past those doors, the possessed boy lies," she said to me. "I hope that you have the wisdom and the faith to drive the Devil from his soul. Good luck."
"Good luck," Sister Theresa added.
The Mother Superior opened the door slowly, and she ushered me inside: But she didn't try to come into the room, and neither did Sister Theresa. But the Mother Superior did say one last thing before she closed the door.
"If the Devil has left his soul when you finished," she said, "you may untie his hands and let him go. But if you fail, do not untie him. I'll be in my office and you may come there whenever you are finished."
And then, the door was closed behind me. I jumped a little when I heard it slam and I realized that I was in the room all alone with the boy. I could see him lying over in one corner of the room, mainly because there was a small lantern with a fire by the bed where he was tied.
I don't think that he saw me at first, but he sensed that there was someone in the room. He probably must have heard the door opening and then closing. But I was standing in the darkness, and I knew that he couldn't see me, because he spoke.
"Who's there?" he asked. I was too scared to answer at first, and then he repeated himself. "I want to know who is there. What do you want now?"
I finally stepped out so he could see me.
"I don't want anything now," I said. "I've been asked to come here and talk to you."
I could see that he was wearing ragged clothing. But his muscles were bulging through the holes of the material. I wanted to touch so much, but I was still a little too scared.
He looked over at me, and he smiled.
"Well," he said, "I see that they've sent another nun here to fuck me. Well, go ahead.
I'm ready, and my cock is ready."
"I didn't come here for that reason," I said to him. I knew that I was lying a little bit, because I still didn't know if it would come to that.
"What did you come here for then?" he asked me.
I moved even closer to him. I wanted to touch him so badly at that point, but since he had made that remark about fucking, I was too scared. I knew that the minute I touched him, he would assume that, that was the reason I was there. I kneeled down beside him, but still kept my distance.
"I have come here to pray for you," I said to him.
"You're kidding, of course."
"I'm not kidding. I have heard that you are possessed with the Devil, and I have come to pray in the hopes that your soul will be redeemed and you will learn to look at things in the light of God's eyes."
"There is no God," he said to me.
"But there is. You have to believe that there is."
"Can you prove it to me?" he asked.
"In what way could I prove it to you? You must have the belief. But you must also be able to feel it. I can't bring you a miracle, if that's what you're looking for. I can't do something like that."
"Then why should I believe you in any way?" he asked me. "After all, you tell me that there is no way for you to prove that God does exist. So, unless I have concrete evidence, there is no way that I am going to believe you."
"You won't even have faith?"
"No. I don't feel it, and therefore, I will not put on any kind of an act. As far as I'm concerned, it's sheer mockery on your part to believe that you can talk me into thinking there's a God."
I could see that he was sweating, and I reached over to stroke his forehead. I couldn't believe how soft his skin was, and he must have sensed the way I was feeling a little bit.
"You like me?" he asked.
"I don't even know you," I said to him. "The Mother Superior just asked me to come and talk with you and see if I could convince you."
"My name is John," he said to me. "John Bard. I used to live with my family at home, until they threw me out."
"But why?"
"I told them the way I felt about God. They were good Christian people, and they thought that I was possessed by the Devil, so I left home, and said good riddance to all of them.
"But don't you miss them? Don't you worry about them?"
"Not at all. After I left, I had a job working in a theater. The Globe Theater. You might have heard of it. Their resident playwright is a very famous man. His name is Mr. William Shakespeare."
"Yes," I said, thinking that now we have something to talk about, "I've even been there. I've seen one of the plays performed there."
"Really? Which one?"
"It was called 'Measure For Measure.' My mother took me to see it about a year ago. She didn't want me to become a nun then, she thought that if she took me to the theatre, she would, be able to turn my head in another direction. She was furious when she found out that the play was about a nun."
"Yes," he said, "a nun who is willing in the end to give up her virginity to the Duke of the town."
"She never gives it up in the play," I said, remembering it all then, "and there is no indication to the fact that she ever will. It is true that the Duke asks her to marry him, but in the end, there is no indication that she going to. I think that it's all speculation on your part to think that she would give up her virginity to a man, above God."
"It's not speculation," he said. "I know that many nuns give up their virginity for one cause or another. Tell me something, have you given up yours yet?"
"No," I said.
"Would you give it up for a cause that you believed in?"
I didn't want to tell him that I would, because I didn't really know him that well, and as far as I was concerned, that could have been a piece of information that he could use against me in some way. I started to think about what Margaret had said concerning my trusting people, and I decided that this boy was going to be someone whom I wouldn't trust at all. Not then, at least.
"It depends what the cause is, maybe," I said. "But, I think there would be other ways for me to solve anything else, rather than giving up my virginity."
"Tell me something," he said, "don't you ever feel any sexual urgings? I mean, don't you ever feel a throbbing inside of you, and you know that the only way to cure it would be to either masturbate or have a man?"
I couldn't believe that he was being so forward and he was actually having the nerve to ask me all these questions.
I refused to answer at first, but then he asked again.
"You didn't seem to hear me, did you? I asked you if you ever feel a throbbing between your legs? That's your sexuality, you know, and you're denying yourself of so much by refusing to meet those urges."
"How do you even know that I have urges like that?" I asked him.
"What are you first?" he then asked. "Are you a woman, or are you a nun?"
"Neither. I'm just a girl. I don't think of myself as a woman yet, and as far as being a nun goes, I've only been that for a few months now, so it's still pretty new to me."
"Would you like to touch me?" he said.
"In what way?"
"Would you like to kiss me on the lips and see if you don't feel some kind of a desire for me?"
I couldn't help myself then. I would have liked to have been a little stronger, but I could smell his manly odor all over the room, and I had been waiting for something like this to happen. He was making it all so easy for me. I leaned over and I kissed him on the lips. I dug my tongue deep in his mouth, and I could feel his tongue meeting mine.
I didn't keep my lips on his for too long because I could feel myself starting to breath a little heavier, and I didn't want him to sense that I was beginning to get the tiniest bit aroused.
"Well," he said to me as I pulled back.
"Well, what?"
"What did you feel just then?"
"What do you mean, what did I feel?"
"Are you going to repeat everything that I say to you? I want to know if you felt anything when you just kissed me. I could feel you starting to breath heavy and... "
"That's a lie," I yelled out.
I dare you to do it again. And this time, you stay until I decide to break the kiss, and we'll see how you're feeling."
I moved my lips back down to his, and I could feel him running his tongue along my lips. Then, he pushed it deeper and deeper into my mouth. I could feel my breasts heaving up own against his arm, and I know that he had to be able to sense all the pleasures that I was feeling.
Because, even then, during the kiss, I could feel the throbbing sensations in my pussy. I couldn't help what I did next, but since I had promised to hold the kiss until he broke it, my hand was floundering and I moved it to his chest. I could feel his breathing was heavy, too.
I started to stroke his chest with my hands. I reached under the torn cloth, and I could feel the tufts of hair around his nipples, and the hardness of them under the hair. Then, I felt his tongue pulling its way out of my mouth, and I pulled my head back a little.
"You see how you feel now," he said to me. "I know, and you know, that you're totally aroused. And if you had moved your hand down my chest any further, you would know that I'm aroused, too. So, tell me, and answer my first question that I asked. Are you ready to fuck me?"
I looked at him, and I had to smile. He was being so totally presumptuous, and now, he had to be aware of my motives for coming to see him. As far as I was concerned, it was pretty much useless to even try and hide my feelings.
"I have come here," I said to him, "to try and drive the Devil from your soul. I only pray to God that He will be able to aid me in that mission."
"That's what they all say to me. But you and I both know what it comes down to. If you want to hold my cock, and then feel what it's like inside of you, that's fine with me. But why don't you just say it?"
I knew that I could never do anything like that. Instead, I just moved my hand down his chest. I let it rest on the stiffening bulge that I could feel under his pants. Even as I touched it, it was growing longer and harder. I could feel a thrill going through my entire body. This was going to be my first cock. My first fuck. Even if I did have to put up the pretense that it was in the name of the Lord.
I moved my mouth down to his, and I kissed him again. I could feel him start to throb when I did that, and then I immediately pulled my hand away.
"What's wrong?" he asked me.
"I don't want you to cum right away," I said. "I felt you starting to throb, and I was scared that you were going to cum."
"You don't have to worry about me. I have self-control."
I was glad to hear that, even though I still wasn't sure what he meant by that. But there was one thing that I was starting to remember. When I fucked him, I wasn't supposed to let cum inside of me, otherwise I would get the Devil in me. That was, of course, if I wanted to believe the things that the Mother Superior said.
But at that precise moment, I wasn't sure if I wanted to believe all that or not. All I knew was that I wanted to see what that boy looked like, completely naked. So I reached over and I started to tear off the rags that he was wearing. I tore at the shirt because his arms were tied and stretched out over his head, and that that would be the only way I would be able to get it off. I could see how stiff his nipples were when his chest was bare.
"Do you like what you see?" he asked me, and all I could do was nod.
Then, I pulled his pants down his legs, and I watched as his hard cock bounded up. It was pointing straight up at the ceiling. I was very good at estimating lengths of anything, but his cock must have been at least eight inches long. And it was so thick that my fingers hardly met when I put them around the shaft. And I did touch the shaft the minute his cock was exposed for me to see. I started to move my fingers up and down the length of it, and I could feel him settling back to enjoy it all.
I watched him spread his legs a little more, and I could see the way his balls, in their sac, dropped down and lay touching the bed. I cupped them in my hand, and it was then that I realized Margaret had been right. They so hot, and I loved the feeling of them.
"Why don't you touch it with your mouth?" he said to me.
"I don't know. Is that proper?"
"When two people are together, anything is proper. Besides, I would try to satisfy you in some way, if my hands were untied."
I wanted to, and for a split-second I reached over and made an attempt to untie the ropes. But then I realized what I was doing, and stopped.
"Don't you want me to satisfy you?" he said, when he noticed that I had given up my attempt to untie him.
"Of course I do." I said, "but I still have my doubts about you, and I would be too scared if your hands were free."
"Well then, you're going to have to do all the work. Why don't you start by sucking my cock for a few minutes?"
I moved my head down to his swollen organ, and stuck my tongue out. I licked the very tip of it, trying to prod my tongue into the small slit. I was actually trying to see if I could taste a small drop of him, the way I had seen Theresa do it, and the way Margaret had told me about it all. But there wasn't even a drop yet so I started to lick the shaft up and down, from the very tip of it to the base which was buried in that thick patch of hair. When I moved my mouth lower down, my nose was buried deep in his pubic hair, and I could smell that strong manly odor emanating from there.
For a few minutes, as I moved my mouth up and down the length of his shaft, I started to pray to God in the hopes that He would save this boy. I don't know why I was even beginning to really think that he was possessed. Maybe it was because I wanted to appease of the guilt that I knew I was feeling. Because I have to admit that I was feeling guilt.
But I loved, it anyway. As I moved my mouth up and down his cock, he started to arch his ass off the bed. It was almost as if he was the one who was doing the moving, for as soon as he did that, I stopped moving my head and just let him slide his cock in and out of me. I could feel the very tip of it touching my throat all the way in the back.
I started to let my hands wander all over his body. I ran them down his legs, and I feel the fine coat of fur that was covering him. I ran one hand up his chest, and I started to pinch his nipples again. I remember that he started to moan when I did that, and I was glad about it. I moved my hands under his arms, and I stroked the soft hair of his armpits.
After a few minutes of sucking his cock, I could feel it starting to throb in my mouth. I pulled back a little, and then, I moved my tongue to the tip of it once again. I couldn't believe it when I tasted a drop him. I ran the drop on my tongue, and I feel the creamy consistency of it. There's nothing that I can think of to compare the taste to, but I liked it.
Then, I pulled my head all the way back, and his throbbing cock fell from my mouth. I watched it twitch on its own, and I wanted to laugh. But I made sure not to it again. At least not until the pulsations subsided.
"Did you like that?" he asked me.
"It was nice," I said, not wanting to make a statement that would commit me one way or the other.
"Why don't you get undressed so I can satisfy you?"
"I already told you that I wasn't going to untie you, and I mean it."
"I'm not asking you to do anything of the sort. I just want to look at you, that's all. Besides, it would be more of a turn-on for me if I saw you naked. Just like I know my naked body is turning you on."
I thought that was a rather vain thing for him to say, even though he happened to have been right. I was loving the sight of his naked body.
But I stood up right next to the bed so he could still see me, and I started to get undressed. First, I took off my headpiece, and he smiled when he saw my short hair. Then, I reached for the buttons of my habit, and I stepped out of it. I was wearing nothing underneath. I usually didn't, except when it got colder. But the garment was heavy to begin with, and when it was hot outside, it was usually too uncomfortable to wear any undergarments.
He gasped when he saw me standing there, naked. I could see him starting to smile even more, and then that smile tuned into a grin.
"Climb on top of me," he said. "I want to feel your naked flesh next to mine. Please, climb on top of me."
I did. I climbed over him, and I lowered my ass onto his chest. I could feel a little tingling as I felt the tip of his penis touching my buttocks, and I know that he could feel the tingling, too.
"Move closer so I can lick your nipples," he said.
I moved my breast closer to his mouth as I cupped it myself. I could feel his tongue going in circular motions around my nipple, but not yet touching it. I loved the way that felt, and I could feel my pussy starting to get wet. I know that he could feel it, too, since my pussy was right on his chest. I'm sure he felt the wetness, because he let out a small laugh. My nipple, meanwhile, was getting stiff with the anticipation of when he was actually going to touch it.
And when he did, I thought I would explode. He clamped his teeth around my already stiff nipple. At first, I could feel a shot of pain going through me, but then, he started to run his tongue over the very tip of it and I could feel all the pleasures.
He pulled his mouth away, and it was instinct on my part. I knew that he wanted my other nipple in his mouth, so I just moved it there and felt all the passions as he repeated the same actions on my other nipple.
Then, he pulled his head away again.
"I want to taste you," he said. "I want you to bring your pussy closer to my mouth, so I can taste you."
I thought that it would be rather awkward to do something like that, but that was what he wanted, and I wasn't going to argue with him. I moved my body and I positioned myself so that my legs were near his neck. My pussy lips were right near his mouth, and he lifted his head up a little bit.
I spread my pussy lips for him, and he looked up and smiled again. Then he winked at me, and I took it as an appreciative gesture on his part. He flicked his tongue into my pussy, and soon, it was searching out my clit. Once he had his tongue inside of me, past my pussy lips, I moved my hands. I don't know why, but all of a sudden, I let them start to roam down his legs. They were soon clutching his cock, and I started to stroke it again. One hand played with his balls while the other concentrated on the long shaft.
But the pleasures were all mine, I could feel his tongue flicking its way in and out of my pussy. I could feel my pussy walls starting to spasm, and he continued to lick my clit. I could hear him moaning the whole time, and I had to admit that he was doing a sensational job on me. Even without the use of his hands, and I did feel bad about that. In some ways, I wished that I could have untied him, but I didn't want to take any risks.
He started to flick his tongue in and out of my pussy, faster and faster. I could feel the pleasures starting to mount, and, at the same time, I was moving my hand up and down the shaft of his cock, faster and faster.
"Hey," he said, pulling his head back for a second, "you'd better slow down on me, or else you'll regret it."
"Why?"
"A man is a little different from a woman. It seems like you're getting ready to bring me off at the same time that you cum. But if you do that, I just won't be able to get it up for a while."
"I don't understand."
"That's one thing that you women have over us men. You can cum and cum, and cum, over and over again, but once we cum, we go limp for a short time, until we can get our energy up. And you don't know how long you're going to be able to stay here, so you'd better hold off until you fuck me."
Before I even had a chance to answer, he had moved his head back to my pussy, and he pried his tongue into my tunnel. He went back to licking my clit, which sent my passions off. I had been at such a heightened point already, that when he went back to working on me, I thought I was going to cum right then.
I touched his cock again, only because I found that I just couldn't keep my hands off it. I don't know why, but I loved the feeling of it. I could feel this one particular large vein, which I had noticed before, when I was sucking it. But now that I was stroking him, I could feel the blood in that vein throbbing and pulsing. I just moved my fingers along the length of that vein, and I thought that it was so great.
I could feel his tongue flicking back and forth over my clit, and soon, my pussy muscles began to spasm again, and my juices were flowing. I yelled out, just a little, as I felt all the powers inside of me being unleashed. I thought that I was exploding inside, and as I looked down at him, I could see that in some ways I had. For my juices were all over his chin as his tongue continued to flick in and out of me in order to lap out those juices.
And then, I pulled away from him for a few seconds, and he looked at me. His eyes looked like those of a little puppy whose favorite toy been taken away from him for a punishment. I didn't want him to feel all that bad, so I leaned down and I kissed him on the lips once again. I could feel my nipples pressing down on his chest. I could feel the small tuft of hair around his nipples rubbing against my tit skin.
I broke the kiss fast because I had just thought of something. I had thought of some kind of way to make him believe in God. I wasn't sure if it was going to work, and there was only one hope for me.
I had to have built up his passion enough for him to want me so badly that he would do anything I asked him to do.
So, as I pulled back from the kiss, I moved my hands back to his cock and balls. I tugged on the balls for a second, and I stroked his cock some more. I could feel how wet and sweaty his pubic patch was, and I only hoped that all that sweat was due to the passions he was feeling.
"I guess," I started to say to him, "that it all comes down to fucking in the end, doesn't it? Doesn't it?"
"Are you willing?"
"Yes, I'm willing," I said to him.
"Are you able?"
"I'm certainly able," I said. "After all, I'm the one who has control over this entire thing. I'm able to do anything that I want to do."
"I'm ready;" he said. "You can feel how anxious my cock is to feel what you're like inside."
"Are you really all that anxious?" I said, hoping that he would tell me again so I could continue to formulate my plan and then put it into action.
"Of course I am. Can't you feel me throbbing?"
"Yes." And now I was ready to begin. "But I don't know if I want to fuck you all that much, I still have to talk to you."
"Jesus," he said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have sworn like that. But what are you talking about?"
"God. You still don't believe in Him. Now look, I know that there are many people like you. There are so many people who don't have any kind of a belief in God. I certainly don't think that they're possessed by the Devil, but that's the way the Mother Superior thinks."
"So what?"
"Do you like being held captive here? Do like having your arms tied up like this, and being used like this?"
"I don't hate it, if that's what you're getting at. I don't love it all that much, either, though. I mean, I would like it if my hands were free so I could use em' to help satisfy you."
I smiled at him then.
"You can be free," I said to him. "All have to do is admit that there is a God, that's all. You still don't have to feel it, but if you admit to it, then the Mother Superior will let you go."
"Why would you want something like that?" he asked me.
"I have to admit that I'm being the tiniest bit selfish on my part. But it's also for your sake. You see, if I cure you, or at least, if she thinks that I did, I'll be in her good grace forever... "
"And you'll be able to fuck more men."
"That's a big part of it, too. But I do want to be in her good grace. And besides, don't you want to be free yourself? Just think, you could probably go back to the Globe Theater and get some work."
"That seems like it would be a good idea," he said.
"Then, if you will promise to say that there is a God, I'll untie your hands and we can have a terrific fuck. But you have to promise. And then, you'll be able to leave this place."
"I promise," he said.
I leaned down and I kissed him again. And as I did it, I started to untie the bonds that held him captive. There were quite a few knots in the rope, but I managed to untangle it all, and had him free in no time. I felt him wrap his arms around me and hug me in a warm embrace. I couldn't believe how good it felt to be held in the arms of a naked man. I could feel his strength overpowering my body, and I loved him for having that strength.
And I loved him for promising me that he would say there was a God.
As we kissed, I could feel his hands reaching for my breasts. He started to play with my nipples, and I could feel them getting stiff once again. And then, he was on the bed, until we had changed positions. I was on the bottom, and he was on the top.
I felt him starting to get off me, and I grabbed his shoulder a minute.
"It's okay," he said to me, "I'm not planning to leave you."
He just stood at the end of the bed for a minute, and he started to spread my legs. He licked his lips as he looked down on me, and I couldn't help but laugh.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"You look like you're ready to kill, and I'm your victim."
He spread my legs a little bit more, and he took a firm hold of his hard cock. He started to move closer to me, bringing his cock closer, and closer to my exposed pussy lips. For a split second, I was so scared. I couldn't believe that he was going to be able to fit that whole thing inside of me. But then I remembered the dildo that the Mother Superior had used on me. The dildo, as far as my memory served me, had been much thicker than his cock. So I knew that if I could fit that into me, I would easily be able to fit him inside.
And that's when my fears started. He continued to move closer, and then, he was prodding the head of his penis near my pussy lips. I could feel them spreading and giving him a warm reception. He pulled back a little, and I know that it was just to tease me. I could feel him rub the tip of his cock over my pussy again and again, but he wasn't making any kind of a move to enter me. I could myself getting wetter and wetter inside.
He really seemed to know what he was doing, for the more he ran the tip of his cock over my pussy lips, the more I wanted him. I could feel my pussy lips grasping the tip of his cock, each time it would feel between them, but he would always pull out just as I thought he was going to enter me.
And then, after a few more minutes, minutes that seemed like days, of teasing me, he finally pushed himself into me. I could feel my pussy walls stretching to take him in, and they were so wet already that it was easy for him to slide in. I couldn't believe that it was finally happening to me.
He plunged his cock deeper and deeper into my pussy, and I felt as if he were controlling all of me. I could feel his pubic hair brushing against mine, and that was when I knew he was in me all the way. I felt the base of his cock rushing over my clit, and I could feel my pussy walls getting wetter still.
And then, he started to move in and out of me. I began to moan the minute he did that because his cock was brushing over my clit with each movement, and it was sending wave after wave of pleasure through me. I wrapped my legs around his ass, and I let my feet massage his buttocks.
It was the first time that I had touched them since touching him, and I loved the way they felt. They were definitely the smoothest part of his entire body, and I couldn't help but try and push my toes into his ass crack. He started to laugh a little bit when I did that, and I realized that he must have been so sensitive there. He continued to pump in and out of me, faster and faster. Each time he would pull out of me, I would raise my ass off the bed just a little to try and bring my cunt closer to him. It was as if I didn't want him to ever leave me.
At one point, I could feel his cock starting to throb inside of me. I could feel him stretching me more and more with each throbbing motion. But when that happened the first time, he slowed down inside of me and waited for the sensation to subside. When they did, he picked up his thrusting pace again, driving his cock deeper into my soul.
And I continued to ply his ass flesh with my toes. And then, after what seemed hours and hours of unbridled passion, he started to throb inside of me again, and I could feel his cum shooting out in my tunnel.
At that same time, he triggered off another reaction in me, and I started to cum all over again. I could feel my pussy walls wrapping tightly around his cock as he continued to move in me and shoot still. But then, he started to go limp, and I could feel him beginning to shrink inside of me. I didn't anything like that to happen, but there was nothing that I could do. It was just like he had said. He had the ability to cum once, and then it would take a long time for him to achieve another erection.
I could feel his cock shrinking inside of me faster and faster, and it was only then that he stopped thrusting and collapsed on top of me. I left my legs around his ass to try and keep his cock embedded in me. But soon, he had shrunk so much that he just fell out, and I felt his penis slap against my leg. I could also feel some more of his cum dripping out of his cock and smearing against my leg.
It was only then that I remembered that I wasn't supposed to let him cum in me, but when I thought about it, I decided that it was all nonsense to begin with.
I wrapped my arms around his back, and I squeezed him. He moved his mouth to mine, and then he kissed me again.
"You know," he said, "if you ever decide you want to leave the convent and you're looking for somebody to marry you, I'm available."
"That's ridiculous," I said, and I knew that I blushing. "You can't tell me that you love me just because of what we did."
"No, that's correct. But I do have some feeling. After all, you're the only nun who was able to convince me to lie to get my way out of here. None of the others even thought of it, and neither did I."
"Then, you'll do it?" I asked.
"I wouldn't lie to you now, would I?"
I was so happy that I kissed him again. And then, I thought that it was time for me to start getting dressed. I took a handkerchief and wiped the cum that was dripping from between my legs. Then, I wiped off his cock, and I started to get dressed. He sat there, watching me, and when I was fully dressed, he started to pull on the ragged pants that he had on. The shirt was torn to shreds, and there was no way he was going to be able to use it for anything, except maybe for rags.
I took his hand and opened the door. There was no one out in the hall, and I started to walk to the Mother Superior's office. I held his hand the whole time and I led him there. I knocked on the door, and then a voice told me to enter.
"Here I am," I said to her, smiling. "I think that I've succeeded in driving the Devil out of his soul."
"Have you?" she asked, giving me a solemn smile.
"Ask him. He was the one who was possessed."
"Is there a God?" she asked, turning to him.
I looked at him, my eyes gazing into his. I didn't want him to go back on his promise now, and I was thinking about what would happen if he did. I knew that I would get in trouble for having untied him. But by the look in his eyes, I could tell that he wasn't planning to go back on his promise.
"Yes," he said, turning and looking at the Mother Superior. "there is a God, and I will be the first one to pray to him."
"Wonderful," she said, as she stood up and walked over to him. She kissed him on each cheek, and then she did the same to me. "You have done God's work Maria, and He will reward you for it."
"Thank you, Reverend Mother," I said.
"Young man," she said, turning back to him, "you can now go out in the world and preach the word of God. You can be one of His followers, and I want you to remember that it is all because Sister Maria was so willing to work with you and help you. You may leave now. As you go past the gate, you will see a small shack. There is a box with clothes inside, and anything that you find, you may keep."
"Thank you," he said to her, and then he turned to me. "And I want to thank you, too, for everything that you've done. And remember what I said to you."
"I will."
And then I watched him turn and walk out of the room. I wanted to cry as I saw him depart, because I could actually feel my heart going out to him. But I tried to compose myself, because I was still in the presence of the Mother Superior.
"You have done wonderful work," she said to me. "But you must tell me how you went about it. Did you have intercourse with him to pull the Devil out of him? Was that your approach?"
I didn't feel like going into detail with her because all I could think about was his cock, and how warm and comforting it had been to me. Besides, it seemed like that was an answer she was expecting, so instead of saying anything to her about it, I just nodded.
"Then that was your approach," she said. "I only hope that you remembered not to let him cum inside of you because if you did, the Devil's seed will be transferred to your soul.
"Of course I didn't," I said to her, lying.
But even as I said it, I could feel something inside of me, and I started wonder if the things that she had told me were all true. If he was really possessed by Devil, and I had let him cum inside of then I was the one who was now possessed.
But I brushed that thought from my mind, and I brush it from my mind even now, as I record all these things. For I hadn't believed her when she told me about the Devil before, and there was no reason to believe her.
And all I can still think about is that boy's cock, and how wonderful it felt when he first entered me. I can remember the way my pussy walls stretched to take him in, and the feeling of his hot balls when I touched them. I remember the feeling of his weight on my chest, and the warm, comforting feeling I had when he wrapped his arms around me.
And for the moment, that is enough to make me content.
But I will not be content for long. I know that I will start to think about having a man again, and when that happens, there will be nothing that I will be able to do to keep me from having one.
I know it now for certain.
CHAPTER SIX
I am possessed. I know. I can feel it eating at my insides and tearing at my soul. I was wrong to ever doubt the Mother Superior's words. I was wrong to ever think that it was stupid not to let that boy cum inside of me. Because I did let him, and now, I can feel something tearing at my insides and eating my soul.
I don't know when I first started to think like that.
All I know is that I begin to doubt the existence of God. I have told no one, not even Margret or Jacqueline who happen to be my closest friends here. I am afraid to tell anyone. I am afraid that they will put me in a room and strap me down to a bed. I am afraid that they will take a glass tube and put hot water and soap up my asshole in order to drive the Devil of me.
He's in there. I can feel it.
There are other indications in my mind, as far as I'm concerned. The doubt that I am finding in existence is only one of the reasons that I feel the way that I do. But there are others.
All I can think about now are cocks and cunts. I try to think of other things, but those are the only images that I can focus in my mind. And my pussy is always throbbing when I think about things like that.
I first felt it the night after I had intercourse with that boy, and took his seed inside of me. It was just after my last entry in my journal. I was lying in my bed trying to get some sleep.
And then, I started to dream.
I dreamt that I was back home again. I dreamt that I was walking in the field with my cousin. This time, when he exposed himself to me, I immediately went down on my knees and took his swelling cock into my mouth. But it didn't end there, for as I was sucking on his hard cock, I could feel someone from behind. My skirt was being raised, and someone was starting to massage my pussy from behind.
I left his cock only for a second so turn around and see what was happening. And that was when I saw my father standing there, stroking my pussy. His pants were below his knees, and I could see his hard cock pulsating. It was the longest cock that I had ever seen. I went back to my cousin's cock, and I started to lick it again. And then, I could feel the head of my father's penis prodding its way into my pussy. I could feel myself being filled so much, and I was being stretched at the same time.
I know that it's wrong to even think something like that, but I just couldn't help it. I started to squirm my ass the minute he was inside of me, just to let him know how much I liked what he was doing. I could feel his pubic hairs brushing against my buttocks once his cock was embedded deep in my cunt. I started to moan with delight at the thought of having two cocks all to myself.
I was lying in bed the whole time thinking about this, and it all must have been subconscious on my part.
For as I continued to fantasize, I could feel my own fingers moving down to my pussy. I was soon spreading my pussy lips, and I was ramming my fingers up my hot cunt. I couldn't believe how wet I was there, but that didn't stop me. I started to finger my clit, and I could feel all that building inside of me. I started to finger it harder and harder, and I thought that I was going to explode.
I could still feel my cousin's cock in my mouth, and then, my father was taking his still swollen cock out of my cunt, and he was beginning to insert it into my asshole. I could feel my ass muscles stretching to take him all way in, but I didn't mind that at all.
I loved the way he felt once his cock was embedded in my asshole. He started to thrust it in and out.
And then, I could feel another cock. I looked around, and it was my own brother. He had climbed underneath me, and he was starting to prod the head of his cock into my pussy where my father had just been, and he was soon thrusting deeper and deeper inside of me.
I started to pull on my clit at that point, and I could feel an explosion inside of me as my muscles started to spasm and my juices started to run. And then, I had three cocks in me, and they were all thrusting. I tried to keep up with them all, but they all seemed to be going at their own pace, not even caring about me.
My cousin was forcing his cock in and out of my mouth, and I could feel his hot balls hitting me in the chin each time he thrust in. I reached up to grab them, and I could feel my hands on fire just at their touch.
My brother, who was lying under me, forcing his ass off the ground each time he thrust his cock into me, reached up and started to pinch my nipples. And then he began to pump inside of me, faster and faster until I thought that his cock was going through me.
I could feel his cock touching my father's through the thin membrane of skin separating my twin holes, but I could feel them rubbing each other, and I felt like I was going to explode.
But I was exploding.
For I looked down at the bed where I was lying, and I could see my juices were everywhere. I could see a big puddle between my thighs, and I moved my ass up and down into it.
"Fuck me harder," I yelled, and then all three of them did. I could feel three sets of balls hitting me in different areas, and I loved it all.
And that was when I first thought that this was all the Devil's work, for I had never had kind of thoughts like that before. And with my brother and my father and my cousin?
Why, that was a sin in itself, I knew. But I didn't want any of my fantasy to stop. I wanted those cocks to stay inside of me for the rest of my life. I wanted to be filled with cocks forever. I could then see all the boys that I had known in my entire life starting to surround me. They were all naked, and they had erections. I watched as they began to stroke their cocks, and then, some of them were starting to cum on me. I could feel their creamy white cum all over my body, and I wanted more and more of it.
I started to rub it into my skin, and I could feel it penetrating me. I loved it so much at that point, that I told them all to stop. I pulled myself away from my cousin and father and brother, and ran over to them. I took all the hard cocks that hadn't cum yet, and I started to jerk them off. I held one in my hand, while my mouth moved to another one. I soon had one in each hand, and one in my mouth. I just couldn't get enough of them.
And I was thumbing my clit the whole time. I couldn't help it. I could feel more and more of my juices flowing out of me, and there were times that I thought I would die from exhaustion. But nothing could stop me from continuing what I was doing.
I kept sucking one cock after the other, tasting all that cum inside of me, feeling its creamy consistency sliding down my throat. I couldn't get enough of it all. For when they were all finished, and there wasn't a cock that I hadn't sucked, I looked at them and I still asked for more. They all looked at me like I was crazy.
But I couldn't help it. I wanted to taste more cum, I wanted to feel more cocks in my mouth. There was nothing that I could do. And then, I noticed that there was still one cock that was left. It was my father's, but that didn't stop me from walking over to him, getting down on my knees, and taking him in my mouth. I couldn't get over how big he was, but I didn't care. I started to suck his hard cock faster and faster. I reached behind him and took his ass cheeks in my hands. I started to ply the flesh through my fingers.
I started to suck his cock harder and harder, and I could feel him starting to pulsate in my mouth. I wanted him to cum inside of me, and I moved my fingers over to his asshole. I started to insert them, slowly at first, and then with a harder thrust.
I could feel him start to spasm then, and I felt his warm cum shooting out in the back of my mouth. I swallowed every drop of him, and then, when I felt him starting to go limp in my mouth, I looked up at him.
"Is that all you have?" I asked him.
And that was when I realized for sure that I was possessed. Because I listened to his words, and I heard what he had to say on the matter.
"I don't know what's wrong with you," he said to me. "You seem to have an insatiable lust for men. You were never like that before. Isn't that why you joined the Convent? Didn't you join it so you could bring yourself closer to God? Don't you know that what you're doing is only bringing you further and further away from him? You're sinking lower and lower into the pits of Hell, and you don't even to know it. But you are."
"Hell?" I asked him.
"Hell. And you will stay there for the rest of your life."
And all I did was laugh in his face, for I didn't care. I knew that he was only saying that to me because he hadn't been able to satisfy me. He had cum in my mouth, but I wanted more, and he took that as a defeat. He took that as a sign that he wouldn't able to fulfill me, and I knew that he was saying all those things to ease his own mind.
But my laugh was so horrible that I even scared myself. That was when I went back to frigging my own clit. I could feel myself, still so wet and sticky inside, but I wanted to cum more and more.
I don't know what made me reach for it then, but it was the only thing close enough to the bed. It was the only thing that I could see in the room that would be able to work on me the way a cock was able to work on me.
I picked up my crucifix and I started fuck it. I shoved it in and out of my pussy, and I could feel it rubbing against my own clit. I reached for my nipples and I started to pinch them. I could feel myself cumming and cumming and cumming, ten times over, but I still wasn't satisfied.
I finally fell asleep, but I couldn't get the thought of a cock out of my mind. I could see images of them in my head. I opened my eyes at one point, and I thought I saw a giant cock right in front of me.
I woke up the next day and I was sweating. I could feel my hand still inside of my pussy, and I immediately pulled it away. That's when I noticed the blood. I guess I had been so caught up in what I had been doing the night before, all the times that I was bringing myself off, that I didn't realize I had reached an extreme and was hurting myself. Because as soon as I saw the blood, I could feel the pain in my cunt.
I dressed fast, and then I went to the morning mass. But I could hardly bring myself to pray to God. I could hardly get the words out, because I wasn't sure if I was wasting my time or not. I had this doubt about whether or not he even existed, and if he didn't, I told myself, I was just wasting my time.
"Congratulations," I heard a voice say behind me.
I turned around, and I could see that Margret was in the pew behind me. I smiled at her, but somehow, I felt as if I was even lying to her. I don't know why I felt that way, but I did.
"What are you congratulating me for?" I asked her "I heard about that boy whose soul you saved. So, you finally got to feel what a real cock was like. Tell me something, how did you like it?"
"It was fine," I said to her.
I couldn't even tell her that it was all I had dreamed about the night before. I knew that she would think I was crazy, and I didn't want that. But at the mere mention of the word, that was all that I could see in my mind. Margaret was no longer looking like a person to me. Her black habit faded in my mind, and all I could see was a giant cock.
I looked at all the other nuns at the Mass, but they weren't even there. All I could were giant cocks standing all around me. I closed my eyes and tried to shut all those thoughts out of my mind, but there was nothing that I could do. For even with my eyes closed, cocks were all that I could see. They were everywhere, and when I started think that I was seeing my father all over again, I opened my eyes immediately. I thought that it would be better for me to what I was seeing, all those nuns as cocks, rather than my father.
For it was wrong to think of him in sexual terms. It was wrong to think of anything in sexual terms. It was taking away from my love of God. And I didn't even know if there was a God for me to love anyway.
I spoke with the Mother Superior after Mass that morning. She pulled me aside and told me that she would like to have a talk with me over breakfast.
"If you want, we can dine in my office, rather than in the dining hall."
"I would like that very much," I said to her.
I thought that it would all be safer for me. In her office, she would be the only other person that I would see. I wouldn't have to worry about everyone looking like a giant cock, even if that was the feeling I was getting about her.
She had two breakfasts sent over to her office, and we both ate while we talked.
"I'm very proud of the work that you did here," she said to me. "I thought that boy was going to be a hopeless case, and you managed help him."
"Thank you," I said. I wanted to tell her so badly that I was now possessed, but I cautioned myself. After all, I knew what would happen to me it I was to make a confession like that.
I knew that I would have to tell her everything, and that scared me.
I was wondering if you would like to do more work like that," she said to me.
"Like what?" I asked. My mind had wandered to the thought of cocks again.
"Like the work that you've done with that boy. There are many others whose spirits seem to belong to Satan."
"But can Satan be that strong for him to be able to take over so many spirits?"
"Is there God in all men?" she asked.
I wanted to tell her that I no longer thought there was, but I couldn't. So I only smiled, and I nodded my head. That answer seemed to be good enough for her.
"There is Satan in all men, too," she said.
"Is he strong enough to turn so many men off to God?"
"Not only men," she said to me, "but there are women, too. Anyone can fall under the power of Satan."
I wanted to laugh, but I knew she would catch on as soon as she heard my laugh. For it had changed. I knew. It had the ring of evil in it. I was waiting for the time that my laughs would also expel fire from my mouth. Then, I said to myself, I would know for sure that I was possessed.
"Are there many people here who are possessed?" I asked.
"Do you remember that hall I took you to?"
"Yes."
"Well, behind each one of those doors, is another person who has the Devil in their soul. There are hundreds of them here in Convent. We have tried to help many of them. We have tried to drive the Devil from their souls. And I'm happy to say that we have succeeded almost as many times as we have failed."
"Is that good?" I asked. "Wouldn't you rather succeed at all times?"
"Of course we would. But we are only mortals, and the Devil is so strong, that sometimes it scares me."
"And when would you like me to start my work?" I asked her.
"Whenever you feel that you are ready. I know that you must be tired from all the work you have already done. It is a tiring experience to fight face to face with the Devil."
I thought it odd that she would even say anything like that, because I felt stronger and stronger by the minute.
The force of the Devil was growing inside of me, I knew. And the more I thought about her idea, the more I liked it. If one person, possessed by the Devil, would start to fuck another person possessed by the Devil, the union would be so strong that he might be able to even overthrow God.
"I need some more rest," I said to her. "I need a few hours to myself so I can think. When I am ready, I will come back here and you can show me the next person that you want me to help."
"You will be blessed a thousand times over for this," she said, smiling. She stood up and walked me to her door. She held out her hand for me to kiss, and when I did, I wondered if that would send my evil into her soul. I hoped in so many ways that it would, and then, the Devil's force would grow stronger and stronger on earth.
I walked back to my room. By the time I got there, I could feel the passions rising inside of me. I knew that I was going to have to masturbate again, but I tried not to. I thought of all those other people that I was going to try and help, and I knew that I was going to be having the opportunity to sample quite a number of cocks. The thought of it thrilled me to no end, and I started to frig my clit as I thought about it.
I could feel my juices starting to flow. And then, when I was finished, I put myself to one final test. I took the large bronze crucifix in my hand. It was so solid, and I never thought that I would have been able to bend it. But I did, with only one hand. And I knew that it wasn't my strength.
It was the Devil's.
And now, I am going off to fight him, and I want to laugh about it all.
CHAPTER SEVEN
If I record the evil things that I have done, will God destroy me for it? I know that he will not, because I am sure that he doesn't even exist now. And if it is the Devil in me talking, then it is, because I am sure that he does exist.
I have just returned from my mission of saving all those souls who are supposed to be possessed. I have saved no one, I know. Instead, I have...
No!
I would rather write it all down in order that I will be able to remember it all. And when I see Satan, I want him to know what I have done. I want him to be able to read it all so he will bless me and take me in. I want fuck him more than any other man. I know that his cock must be like a flame.
I went back to the Mother Superior and told her that I was ready to see some of the other possessed victims.
"Some?" she said to me, "Why child, I should think that one would be enough for you to handle a day, if that many at all."
"I will see what kind of strength I have within me, and how I feel when I am through helping the first one. I would like to do all God's work as soon as possible because I know these are things that have to be done."
"You are ambitious," she said to me. "You must try and restrain yourself. Ambition can be a virtue in some people's eyes, but it is not in the eye of the Lord. I want you to remember that."
"Yes, Reverend Mother," I said, not really giving a damn about what she had to tell me. All I knew was that I wanted to see these other people.
"Do you think that you're ready to take on a man?" she asked me as we walked out of her office and started on our way to that secret hall.
"Of course I am," I said. "One soul possessed by the Devil is the same as another. I'm sure I will be able to handle it."
"Very well," she said to me.
When we got to one of the doors, she stood front, and she smiled. She opened the door and she ushered me inside.
"Remember," she said, before she closed the door, you are to rest when you are finished. Do not try and conquer too much in one day."
I didn't say anything, but I waited for the door to close behind me. I could see that there a man strapped to a bed on the far side of room. The room was similar to the other one where I had worked on the boy and had come into contact with the Devil. But the Mother Superior had been right. This was a man that I was going to work with.
I could see that he had long black hair, and must have been in his forties. In some ways, reminded me so much of my father, and I knew that I was going to like that more than ever.
"Hello," I said to him, smiling, and I walked closer to the bed.
"Out!" he screamed. "Get out, or I will send the Devil deep within you. Out, I say."
"You cannot know the Devil as well as I do," I said to him.
"You mock me."
And to show him that I didn't mock him, I fell to my knees in front of him and I kissed him on the lips. His breath was wretched, but I didn't mind. I imagined that Satan's breath would be like that, too. Even as I kissed him, I moved my hand down between his legs, and I stroked his hard cock. I could feel him getting even stiffer under my touch.
I pulled away, and he spat at me.
"You have come to fuck me, and nothing more. You call yourself a sister in the name of God, but I know better. I know that you are just a fornicating bitch!"
I slapped him across the face. I could feel my rage building. It was only with that slap that I realized some of Stan's strength was within me. For I could see a deep red bruise forming on his cheek, and he groaned in pain.
"You are a fool," I said to him, "and being nothing more than a fool, I should have nothing more to do with you. But you are a brother with Satan, as I am."
"You? Again, I tell you that you mock me."
I started to laugh, and I could feel my evil laugh reverberating around the room. It echoed, and it swelled, until it was almost deafening. And then, I looked at him, and I could see my face reflected in his eyes. It looked like my eyeballs were on fire, at least from the view that I was getting in his eyes.
"Do you still doubt me?" I asked him.
"I don't know," he said.
"I have come to fuck you, true, but for your own pleasure."
He smiled at me.
"And how should I know something like that."
I moved my hand down to his cock and pulled it out of his pants. I couldn't get over the size of it. I opened my mouth all the way, and I started to suck him. I could hear him moaning louder and louder as I continued to suck that root. But there was one thing that I wasn't sure of.
Was I supposed to make him cum? If I did, would that send the Devil out of him, and into me. After all, I was sure that was what had happened to me the day before. But I didn't think on it too much for I was enjoying it.
I reached into his pants and I pulled out his hot balls. I sucked them into my mouth, too, and I felt as if my mouth was on fire, but I loved it all.
"You are bringing me such pleasures," he said as he started to thrust his ass off the bed, sending his cock deeper and deeper into my mouth. I was so glad that I was able to satisfy him.
I could feel his cock starting to pulse in my mouth, and I sucked it even harder at that point, until I felt him explode inside of me. I finally got to taste the creamy cum of a man, and I savored the flavor and consistency of it on my tongue for a long time before I actually let it slide down my throat. I started to moan when he was finished cumming in my mouth, and I took his then limp cock and started to rub it against my cheek.
"Did you enjoy that?" I asked him.
"Very much. But I still doubt your words of the Devil. I am still not sure if I believe that you are possessed."
"I will prove it to you, but you must promise me something."
"How can you prove it to me?"
I reached over and I took a thick piece of wood that I had seen lying on the floor when I first entered the room. I held it in front of him, and then, I broke it in half with my bare hands. I even amazed myself when I did that, and I know that I amazed him, because I could hear him gasp.
"Do you believe me now?" I asked.
"I have no reason to doubt you. No girl of your size could have been able to do something like that unless there was a power inside of her and that power was helping her to do it. But how do I know that it isn't the power of God?"
"Fuck God. I am working for the Devil, and now, you must make me a promise."
"What is it?" he asked, obviously stunned by the last remark I had made. I had been a little stunned myself, for it was the first time that I had ever cursed God. But I didn't feel anything wrong with it.
"It is senseless for you to be lying here in a dark room, with your hands tied, wasting your life. And you and I both know why they have you here. It is all because of their belief that you have in the Devil inside of you."
"I know that, and you know that, but what of it?"
His insolence was irking me, and I took the liberty to slap him across the face once more, but not as hard as the first time.
"You shut up and you hear what I have to tell you before you talk. You are a fool, and I don't know why Satan has chosen you, but I will not question his actions. All I know is this..."
"What?"
"...you are just wasting your time here. This is what you must do. You must promise to praise the Lord's name until they release you. It is easy. Satan will understand why you are doing it, and he will, forgive you for it. But you must do whatever it is that they want you to do in order that they release you. For as I've said, you just waste your life and Satan's time by lying here. Once you are free you will be able to go out and spread Satan's words throughout the world."
"I'm too scared," he said, and his voice was trembling.
"You must be strong," I said as I slapped him across the face again. I was getting very mad at him. "Are you a man? Can you call yourself a man and then tell me that you are scared to go out and face the world in name of Satan? You are no man then."
"I am."
"I want you to be. Now let me hear you say that God exists. I want you to practice saying it. Say that you believe in Him. You must, no matter how much it pains you to speak those words."
"He exists," the man said. "God exists, and I love Him."
"And I love you for saying it."
I lifted my skirt up and flashed my pussy in front of his face, to show him that this was the reward he was going to get for having spoken the words I wanted to hear. I moved down his body, and I reached for his cock. I could feel that it was already starting to get hard again. I slipped it into my pussy and I started to ride him. I had to do all the work, and that bothered me.
He didn't make any kind of an effort to thrust his hips up and bring his cock closer to me. I hated him for that, and I wanted to tell him so. But I could feel the power that his cock had over me, and it was a good enough feeling just to be filled by that beautiful organ. I could feel my pussy juicing up the minute I put him into me, and my passions rose throughout the entire ride.
When he started to pulsate inside of me, I started to cum. And then, when my pussy muscles massaged his cock, he started to cum, and that sent my juices flowing once more, all over again.
I fell on top of him, but I still wasn't exhausted. I could feel his cock shrinking inside of me, and then he flopped out.
"I must go," I said to him. "I must go because there are others who need my help as much as you did. But I will be back to release you. All I want, while I am gone, is for you to continue to admit to the existence of God. You must say it over and over again in your mind, so you might even begin to believe it. And then, after I have seen a few others, I will bring the Mother Superior here and she will listen to your confession and set you free."
"I will do all that you say," he said to me.
I brushed his wet hair off his forehead and I smiled at him. Then, I turned to the door and left. When I was standing in the hall, I tried to decide which room I should go into next. I wasn't all that sure of who would be in which room, and I was a little frightened.
But then I remembered that I was doing Satan's work, and he would be the one to guide me where I wanted to go.
I closed my eyes and I tried to see where he wanted me to go next. I walked down the hall, and I found myself standing in front of one of the doors. I knew that this was going to be my next victim, and I turned the knob and walked in.
There was a naked girl in the room, and she was strapped down to a large wooden table. I smiled at her as soon as I walked into the room, and she smiled right back. I walked over to her and brushed her long blonde hair out of her eyes. I could see her large tits with big red nipples heaving up and down. When I looked at her pubic patch, I could see that most of the hair had been burned away.
"What happened here?" I asked, rubbing my hand over her burned patch.
"They tortured me, and they burned me, and they tried to make me confess that I wasn't possessed by the Devil. But I knew better, and I knew that to say anything else would only mean that I was lying to myself. So they tried to burn me in order to make me see things their way, but I held out."
"Was it painful?" I asked her.
"It was, for a time. But then, I got used to it, and now, I don't mind it at all. I still don't look forward to it, but I no longer cringe the way I used to before, either."
"I have come in the name of... "
"God? Are you here to convince me that there is a God?"
"Not at all. For I have seen the ways of Satan, and it is his words that I have come to tell you about."
She looked startled and I leaned down and kissed her on the lips. At the same time, I moved my hand down her thighs and then back up to her pussy.
I started to massage her pussy lips, and I could feel her getting wetter and wetter. And I then, plunged my fingers into her pussy and started to massage her erect clitoris. I could feel her starting to breathe heavier and heavier so I moved my mouth over to her nipples and kissed them, one at a time. I loved the way they tasted in my mouth, and loved the texture of their stiffness.
I continued to finger her cunt, even as I pulled my mouth away from her nipples and started to talk to her.
"As I've said, I have come to spread Satan's words. I have to tell you that in order for you to help him, you must confess to believe in God, and you must denounce Satan's name front of the Mother Superior."
"No," she said to me, between short breaths. I knew that she was getting more and more turned on, and that was the point.
"But you must," I insisted. "Do you think that you can do his work here? Lying strapped to a table in a dark room? You must lie, even if it will pain you, until you are allowed to be set free. Then, when you are out in the world, you will be able to go out and spread Satan's words."
I could feel her arching her hips off table as I moved my fingers in and out of her pussy faster and faster. I could feel her pussy walls starting to spasm, and then, her juices were flowing all over my fingers. I watched her orgasm started to subside, and she gently let her ass rest back on the table.
"I'm still not sure whose words you speak," she said to me.
"You can doubt me even now?" I asked, and with that, I gave her a slap across the face, so hard, that she started to cry.
"I'm sorry," she said, through her tears.
"It is not to me whom you apologize," I said. "Rather, you apologize to Satan, for you are wasting your time, and his time, by lying here doing nothing for his cause. And that is why he has chosen me to come and talk to you. He has chosen me to come and tell you that you must lie for his sake, and then, when you are out, you will preach his words."
"I will," she said to me.
"Swear it."
"I swear it. I swear it by the name of the Devil, whom I love above God and any other man walking the face of the earth."
"Good," I said, "now I must go. But you must continue to talk of God, and the deeds that he does. You must talk yourself into believing in him."
I could hear her saying the words of God as I closed the door behind me. I stood in the hall again, and I wondered which room I was going to have to go to next. I closed my eyes, and then, I found myself in front of another room.
I can honestly say that I felt like I had as much energy in me, still, as I had, had when I started. It was as if there was a force inside of me and that force was guiding me, and leading me, and giving me the courage and strength to continue for its cause.
And I knew that force was the Devil himself.
I went into the third room, and that was where I saw the most grotesque of all people I was about to encounter. At first, I could hardly even tell if it was a man. I only saw a form.
It was strapped to a wall, and it was hanging there. It was only when I got a little bit closer, and I could see the naked form and the hanging cock and balls that I realized this thing in front of me was, in fact, the form of a man.
"What have they done to you?" I asked him.
I watched him raise his head, and he looked at me. He started to laugh, and I could hear the same laughter coming from his mouth that came from mine. I started to laugh with him, and soon the walls were echoing with laughter. But then, a few seconds after I joined him, he stopped, and he listened to my laughter.
"What kind of a person are you, that comes to me dressed as a nun, but laughs the laugh of Satan?" he asked.
"I am a follower of Satan in disguise," I said to him.
"I don't believe you."
"You were the one who just said I laughed the laugh of Satan."
As my eyes began to focus in the darkness of the room, I could make out more features of the man. He was a rather handsome man, or had been once, I could tell. For now, he was thin, and ashen white. I could see his bones sticking out through his skin, and it irritated me. His wrists looked so limp and thin, and as I looked closer, I could see that the stakes that were holding him up to the wall I been driven right through his wrists. Caked blood was there, and for a second, I could feel a wave of nausea running through my body.
But then, I remembered that I had been sent there on a mission, and to get sick would only detract from the work I was supposed to do.
"Why do they have you hanging here like this?" I asked him.
"Why do you think, sister of the Devil?" he said, spitting out his words.
"You tell them that you are a follower of the Devil, and they have tried to torture you into saying you believe in God."
"Very perceptive," he said to me. "Of course, there were other reasons. They could see the powers that I had, and they knew that they would have to bind me up, or else I would unleash even more."
"What kind of powers?" I asked.
"I could cause fire to spurt forth from my fingertips. I could breathe out and cause a frost to cover the earth."
"Why have you been chosen to have such powers?" I asked.
"I used to be the second one, only to the hands of Satan himself. He sent me here find followers for him. But I was taken prisoner, and here I have been. I have tried to get away many times, but they have staked me to the wall."
"There is a way for you to get out," I said to him, and then I went on to explain my plans. It was the same plan that I had told the other two people about, but this one seemed more reluctant to go along with it.
"But, why?" I asked.
"Satan would cringe each time he heard me confess my love for God. I know that I would cringe, too, and they would see my lies."
I reached out and I started to stroke his flaccid cock. At first, I could feel no reaction whatsoever, but soon, he was on the rise.
"Are you a man?" I asked him. "I ask, because you do not act like a man. Anyone could deceive the people of this Church. Anyone. You and I will know that you lie, no one else has to."
I could feel his cock getting harder and harder, and he started to moan.
"You do this to torture me," he said. "I feel it. You do all this to torture me and make me confess."
"I do all this," I said, forcing his head down look at my hands on his cock, "because I want to bring you pleasures. That's the only reason. And I want you to go free so you can spread Satan's words."
I moved my mouth down to his cock, and I started to suck him. It only took a few seconds before he started to pulsate in my mouth, but this time, I was being smart, and I pulled my head away.
"Do you want to be satisfied?"
"Of course I do," he said.
"You will not be satisfied, and I will not let you cum, until you agree to do what I tell you to. Then, and only then, will I bring you to a climax."
"You are evil," he said to me.
"Satan is evil, but that is why we love him. Well, what do you say?"
"I will go along with you."
I moved my mouth back down to his cock and I continued the job which I had started. I could feel drops of his cum seeping out of the head of his cock, and I could taste the smooth flavor on my tongue. I reached for his hanging balls and I started to squeeze them.
I could feel his cock shooting out in my mouth, and I loved it all. I continued to suck long after he had cum, and I was amazed he was able to stay stiff for so long after. I left him, and I could hear him repeating the words of God even as I closed the door behind me.
I went to see two other people that day, and then I thought that it would all be enough. After all, the Mother Superior had told me to stop after one, and I didn't want her to become suspicious about the ways I was making these people confess.
"How have you done?" she asked me when I walked into her office.
I wanted to tell her that I didn't do well, and I wouldn't do well until I made her see the ways of the Devil, too. But I knew better. I still had my wits about me, and I knew it would be foolish to confess to my knowledge of the Devil, especially when I could do such a good job as long as I didn't say anything.
"I have seen five people, and they have all agreed to change their ways. They all admit to the existence of God."
"Really?"
"Yes. In fact, the second man I converted was the one whom you had staked to the wall. He now sees that he was being misled, and is ready to ask God's forgiveness, and he wishes to have your blessings."
"My child," she said to me, "you have done amazing work for yourself, and for God. You will surely be blessed in the hereafter."
I knew that she was right, but it wasn't God who was going to be blessing me. It was going to be the Devil, and I knew that I would be able to be with him, finally, when I died.
But for now, there was just too much work that he wanted done on earth, and I knew that I was too valuable to him here.
CHAPTER EIGHT
I continue to do the Devil's work for him, but I know that I am beginning to suffer for it.
I start to think that perhaps there is a God now, and my mind is tossing and turning. I can never get any sleep anymore. When I close my eyes, I sometimes see visions of God, and at other times, I see visions of the Devil.
But the image of the Devil is always so much more pleasing to me. For with the Devil, I can see people engaged in fucking. Fucking. What God would call sin, and I know that I want to be with him.
I have set ten more people free. Now, I know that there are at least sixteen people out in the world who have heard the word of Satan and are spreading it. I pray that none of them have died.
I can hardly bring myself to go to mass anymore. The image of the crucifix that I see scares me, and sometimes it makes my skin start to crawl. I usually think about sticking it in my cunt when that starts to happen, and that usually makes me feel a little better.
I have been using my crucifix pretty often to bring myself off. Each time I can feel more and more pleasures building up inside of me. And when my orgasm starts and my juices start to flow, I only want to feel it more and more. Sometimes, now, I find myself going to mass with a dildo up my cunt. It's the only way that I can think of soothing myself.
I saw Sister Jacqueline the other day. She came to my room, and she wanted to make love to me, so I let her in.
"It's been such a long time since I've felt your body next to mine," she said to me as she started to pull off my habit.
I felt her hands all over my body, then. She started to pinch my nipples, and soon, she was moving her head down to my cunt, and she was licking my pussy. For the first time in a long time, I could feel the throbbing sensation in my pussy stopping. She had to have sensed it, too, and she looked at me when she felt how dry I was becoming inside.
"What's wrong?" she asked me.
"I don't know. This is the first time that I haven't been wet in a long time."
"Is it because of me?" she asked.
"I couldn't tell you. But I've been using my pussy so often, not only for God's work, but for my own."
"What kind of work have you been doing?"
And then, I started to tell her all the things that I had done, and all the cocks that I had, had inside of my cunt. I didn't tell her, however, about my true feelings for Satan, and the real things that I was saying to all these people before I did things to satisfy them.
She smiled when I told her of all the pleasures I had felt in my life now, and then, I decided that I would question her on her feelings about God.
"You once told me that you came to this convent because you wanted to be closer to women," I said to her. "What about God?"
"What about God?" she asked me.
"You never told me about your belief in God. Do you feel that it's stronger because you're here?"
"Sometimes. Sometimes, though, and you must promise not to tell the Mother Superior any of this, I feel that there is no God. I sometimes wonder if he exists at all."
"Do you really believe that?"
"Sometimes. What about you?"
"I don't know," I said, still trying to be on the defensive. "Sometimes I know that he's there, and other times I'm not sure. What about the Devil, do you believe in him?"
"If there is a God, there is a Devil. And if there isn't God, there cannot be a Devil. For it is told that the Devil was expelled from heaven by God."
I had never thought of that, although I knew that she was right. We made love once more. This time, I was the one who licked her pussy until she started to cum. And then, we both got dressed, and Sister Jacqueline left me alone.
I thought about God and Satan. She was right. In order for me to believe in Satan, I had to believe that God did exist. I could feel my mind pressing in on me, and I didn't know what was happening. I fainted.
When I awoke later, I found that someone had lifted me into my bed. At first, I saw a very fuzzy image sitting in front of me. And then, as my vision began to clear, I could see that it was the Mother Superior herself who was sitting there. She squeezed my hand, and it was only then that I realized she was even holding it.
"How are you feeling Sister Maria?" she asked me.
"I think I'm okay," I said to her. "How did you find me?"
"If you want to know the truth, and I think that it's rather funny, Sister Theresa was passing your room when she heard a loud thud. She knocked on your door then, but there was no answer. So she opened it, and she found you lying here. She ran to get me, and together, we lifted you into the bed. And here you are."
"How long ago was that?"
"Only a few hours. You looked so peaceful resting here."
"Did I?"
"Child, I can tell that something is troubling you, and I want you to tell me all about it. I could see it in your face as you were sleeping."
"I don't know what it is," I lied.
"Of course you do. We all try to hide our problems by pretending that we don't know what they are. But we always do know."
"It's God," I said.
"God?"
"Yes. I've been doing all this work for God, driving the Devil out of the souls of his children, and I begin to wonder if I am doing the right thing. You see, there are times when I only thing of it as fucking, and I know that I even like that part of it all. And when I think that I'm fucking, I start to think that I am doing the Devil's work and... "
She leaned over and she kissed me, but on the lips. I could feel her tongue pressing into my mouth, and then the kiss was over.
"I know that I should take part in the guilt that you're feeling" she said to me, "because I realize that I unleashed your sexuality when I initiated you into the Church."
"But you had to do that. You had to show me what I would be missing. And now, I start to wonder if I am missing that."
"But you aren't. You are using your sexuality in the name of God."
"And what should happen if one of the men came in me? Would that really mean that I was possessed?"
She pulled back in fear for a minute, and that's when I realized that I couldn't tell her anything. I smiled at her, and she smiled back.
"My child," she said to me, "that hasn't happened yet, has it?"
"No," I lied. "But if it did, what then?"
"I'm sure that God would try to help you to overcome the power of the Devil. I know that He would. But the Devil's power can be strong, and it can work in so many evil ways. I am glad that you are strong, too, because you've done so much work for Him."
"I think I'd like to sleep again," I said to her.
I put my head back on the pillow, and I closed my eyes. I waited until I heard her get up, and then, when the door was closed once more, I opened my eyes again. I knew not, for sure, that I was possessed. Because I had seen the look of horror on her face when I spoke about a man cumming inside of me. But the thing was, it wasn't only one man that had cum inside of me.
It was all of them.
I started to fantasize about my father again. I could see his cock so clearly in my mind, and I was reaching for it and licking it. I could see drops of his cum dripping out of the very tip of it, and I took them all on my tongue.
Even as I fantasized, I could feel the throbbing starting once more in my pussy, and for the first time since I had been with Margaret, I could feel a sense of relief. I realized then, that I would always have to have this throbbing in my pussy if I wanted to feel any kind of release at all.
That was the way Satan worked.
I moved my fingers down to my cunt, and I brought myself off to a quick and satisfying climax.
But was it satisfying?
I thought so, when it was over, but as soon as I felt my passions starting to subside, I could feel the throbbing in my pussy once more. I started to jerk myself off again and again, and I still couldn't satisfy that throbbing, although, each time I was in the middle of my orgasm, I would feel satisfaction then. But when the passions would begin to subside, the throbbing would start all over again.
And when I tried to close my mind and think of anything else, all I would be able to see were images of cocks. I could see hundreds of them thousands of them. And I wanted all of them inside of me. I wanted to touch all of them, and suck all of them.
I reached for the dildo that I kept under my bed and shoved it deeper and deeper up my cunt. I could feel myself ripping through my skin, and then I started to bleed. But I loved all that. For it was Satan's blood.
I find myself spending more time in the secret hall where all the Devil worshippers are kept. I like to go there because it soothes my mind, and I find that I have things to talk about with those people.
Maybe I'm descending deeper and deeper into the madness of hell. I really don't know all that much, and I don't care.
The other day, I went into a room where there were two men. Both denied the existence of God, and in order for me to convince them, I let them both fuck me at the same time.
One in the ass and one in the cunt. I couldn't believe it when I felt my two holes being filled. It was just like it had been in my fantasy with my father and my brother. I could feel their cocks rubbing against each other. Soon, they were both cumming, and my walls were being stretched more and more. I convinced them to both tell the Mother Superior that they believed in God, and then, to go out and spread the word of the Devil.
I was deceived. I can't believe it, but I was deceived. I am writing this last entry, or what I think might be the last entry, from one of the small rooms in the hall. But this time, I have not come to visit anyone. I am the person who is going to be visited because I am the one who is supposedly insane. Or the Devil-worshipper, as I've been told.
And they tricked me into coming into the room. They told me that there was a person in the room who was totally incurable. I came in, and then they slammed the door behind me.
"I'm sorry I had to do this to you," the Mother Superior said to me, "but those two men whom you went to see told me what you said to them. They told me everything, and now, I know that you are possessed more than anyone else."
I couldn't see anything in the darkness, but I was sure that I did see one image. I looked over at the wall, and it looked like there was a burning fire there. I couldn't have really been there, though, for if it was, it would have lit up the rest of the room.
Only that wall was lit up. And I could see an image of the Devil there, holding his red pitchfork, and he was smiling at me. He was waving to me, and he was smiling at me, and I knew that I was going to be okay.
The Mother Superior came back a few hours later. At least I think that it was a few hours later, and she opened the door just a little. She slid my diary through, and let it fall to the floor.
"You are lucky that we're not going to tie you up like we do with the others," she said to me. "I have read your diary. I found it in your room, and I have read it up until this point. You have some interesting views, or you have had. But now, it is too obvious that you are possessed by the Devil, and I can't do anything about it except try and drive him out."
"How?"
"You don't have to ask me that question. You've seen the kinds of things that we have to do to drive the Devil out of people. But you seem to be more evil than any of the others. You seem to be more evil because you lied to me, and you made me release all those people. Now, they are in the world doing the Devil's work."
"You stupid cunt," I said to her, "do you really think that you'll be able to fight the Devil? He's stronger than you are."
"I know that, my child. But so is God, and He will help me. Now, you must think about the things that you have done. We will be back for you later, and when we do come back, we will begin to question you."
"You will torture me?"
"If it comes to that, we will."
And then, she door was closed. I hurried over to the floor where my diary lay, and I am making these final entries now. I can feel my skin crawling as I think about the many things that they can do to me in order to torture me and get me to confess that I have the Devil inside of me.
