Rachel from an early age desired to help people. She aspired to become a nurse. But from an equally early age she was turned onto insatiable sexual urges, after having been seduced by her widowed father whom she had inadvertently guided into unbridled lust. When her brother converted her to a sex slave for his own wanton passions, the die was cast, setting a pattern of sexual self-enslavement.
Overwhelming sexual urges drove her into a seething cauldron of aberrations involving lesbianism, masochism, sadism and even bestiality while still in her teens.
Yet, wraith-like and tenacious, the desire to aid the infirm persisted, propelling Rachel ever-closer to a nursing career-where surcease could conceivably be attained. It wasn't....
In a nursing home Rachel was drivers to perform the most shocking perversions of all-and this with the patients, both male and female-who were entrusted to her care.
Driven uncontrollably, Rachel found final succor only at the hands of the professional psychiatrist.
The results, and the ultimate destiny of this unfortunate victim of twisted sex drives make this case history of Rachel unique in the annals of modern psychology!
Physician, heal thyself.
-Luke, iv. 23
CONTENTS
FOREWORD
CHAPTER 1: THE CASE OF RACHEL N
CHAPTER 2:. ENTER FLOE
CHAPTER 3: THE FATHER, THE DAUGHTER, And Death
CHAPTER 4: ENTER TORRENCE AND BERTHA K
CHAPTER 5: MRS. T., THE HEALER
CHAPTER 6: THE FAITH HEALERS
CHAPTER 7: THE INITIATION OF MARGARET
CHAPTER 8: THE FINAL PERFORMANCE
CHAPTER 9: A LAST LOOK AT RACHEL
This book is dedicated to all who devote themselves to the helping of the ill-it is dedicated to those of us who have taken and kept our oaths of allegiance to a certain way of life-notwithstanding however, it is also placed humbly as a memorial to some of us who meant to do one thing, and ended unfortunately doing something else-perhaps something else not really in keeping with our original intentions.
This book is by no means a scientific treatise, though the case details are factual and true. This book is meant to show that many times the healer is as much in need of healing as is the unfortunate patient.
FOREWORD
When an author approaches a documentary book of this sort, he approaches it with mingled emotions, for it is not only unkind but unfactual and without proper basis to portray a certain group of people by the use of the extremes of the group represented.
As a member of the profession of psychology, and having been a practicing psychologist for a number of years, this writer perhaps feels this more stringently than would a layman, since the following case episodes are all closely allied with the profession of healing-of helping the sick-the emotionally upset, and those for various reasons not able to help themselves.
Our profession of healing, mental and physical, is not without its faults; nor is any profession; but neither is the profession of healing without great merit. All professions, like weapons, can be used for good or evil. There are charlatans and incompetents in every field of life-in every phase of service.
It is certainly understandable then that the highly rated profession of healing is not immune to occasional degrading incidents. Nurses, doctors, and their colleagues, are certainly susceptible to the same influences and pressures as judges, lawyers, police officials and the like.
It is also true that some of the people involved in these cases cannot help themselves, but are the product of a society that they themselves constantly try vainly to explain, to interpret to others. They are the product of environment and heredity, just as we all are.
The writer sincerely trusts that the reader will not judge too rashly, and that he will not, under any circumstances, form a judgment derogatory to an entire group of people, because of some few aberrants found in that group. This writer asks that as the reader digests the following actual case histories-told largely in the subject's own candid and frequently colorful language-that he will approach them with the humbleness of the tolerant, the forgiving, the understanding.
It would be well for us to remember that we are all persons of the same basic quality, if not in the same quantity. These following case histories are offered principally as tools to the understanding of our fellow humans. And we should not judge, lest perhaps some day we will be called upon to sit before our peers, cringing under their judgment.
Perhaps even in that moment, let us pray it never befalls our lot, our judges will remember that any person is capable, many times may even be driven, to the commission of any act, however despicable, given the right set of circumstances.
Sean Greene
CHAPTER ONE
THE CASE OF RACHEL N.
Though it may seem unusual to present this central case history in its full detailed length, it is nevertheless necessary to portray the full personality of Rachel N., from childhood on, as her life became embroiled and intertwined with other lives and case histories. It is important to the extent that we are all the product of the various incidents and episodes that mold and shape our destinies.
In any event, the life story of Rachel N., as recorded in clinical files, and told largely in her own frank and frequently coarse but realistic language, will serve to point up some of the reasons behind her bizarre actions as a mature woman, and a professional nurse.
Rachel N., was the daughter of John and Evelyn N. She was a most lovely little girl, well-adjusted, possessing superior intelligence, and a profundity of curiosity. Her hair was almost platinumcolor, and she had the deep dominant brown eyes of her father.
Her brother Ted, two years her senior, in sharp contrast to Rachel, was more like her mother. His hair was black, and his eyes were a penetrating blue. At twelve years of age he was already developing the slick muscular build of his father.
This was what everyone would have called "a nice family."
There was a tremendous closeness in the family. But as in all families, one of the children was close to the father, and the other was close to the mother. In this family, it was Rachel who was close to her father, and Ted who found solace and comfort in the company of his mother, a glorious-looking woman of twenty-seven.
There was no vulgarity-no commoness-there was no use of profanity in the household, except for an occasional outburst by the father when he would become discomfited by some minor happening. All in all, this was the kind of family that produces presidents, governors, leaders of nations, and leaders of men.
On Sundays, this was the kind of a family that one might see at the park on a picnic-a wonderful, close-knit group of individuals.
All might have gone well, and things might not have turned out as they did, except for the fact that when Rachel was ten years old, and they were returning home from an outing a terrible accident occurred and Evelyn was instantly killed.
Though Rachel had not been as close to her mother as to her father, she was shattered by the loss. Not only that, but there was a scar that shredded her young back from the right shoulder blade to her over-mature buttocks.
Where before she had been unblemished, now she was a creature of disfigurement-that is, she was such in her own mind. Ted was unhurt and scarred not at all, but John, her father, was to carry an ugly scar across his cheek for the remainder of his life.
After the accident, things changed in the family. The closeness that had been there before was gone. Rachel no longer was contented by the bounce of her father's knee. Nor was she comforted by the blessedness of his smile. She was lost to all of the reality of the world save for eating, sleeping, and the other routine procedures of everyday living.
So it was that she turned to a world of daydreaming-a world of fantasy. In this world, she pictured herself as the nurse who had tried so desperately to help the family in their time of trial.
This nurse's name was Floe, and she was a beautiful woman-red-haired, soft looking, with a mysterious smile.
In the beginning, it was merely a remembrance of kindness, but then one day, another feeling cropped up in the young girl's breast. It was a nebulous feeling of delight as she remembered Floe's mysterious smile and soothing hands.
Unconsciously, lying in bed-according to her tape-recorded account-Rachel's hands began to move about her own young body. At first, she had no conscious thoughts of sexual gratification, but then as her hands reached her lower abdomen, she found herself exploring further, and when her finger touched her small but aroused genital area she was delighted by the same aroused tickling feeling that she had gotten before when she would straddle her father's leg. This then, was Rachel's first overt attempt to sat isfy herself by masturbation, even though at the time she did not know that she was masturbating.
That day the family slept late, for it was Sunday, but Rachel, once she had aroused herself, could not sleep. She felt the need for some affection, some pampering. It had been a terribly long time since she had received any affection-the type of affection that a young child craves, desires, and needs. She got out of the bed, and went to her father's room. He was still asleep, but she quietly slipped into the bed with him, and cuddled close to his underwear-clad form. She was not trying for conscious sexual gratification-all she knew was that to have her body close to his made her feel good.
As she pressed closer to him, he called out to Evelyn, his departed wife, and in his sleep he pulled Rachel close to him. She could feel his masculine hands hugging her, and then the touch of them upon her buttocks. Her father was still in the fog of sleep-in the never-never land wherein one is not quite aware of what one is doing-but still, very shortly, she could feel the protrusion of his erection as it grew up to touch her throbbing young lower abdomen. Almost totally unfamiliar with the male sexual anatomy, she reached down her hand to examine her father's penis. She knew nothing of pubic hair, and the touch of her hand on his heavy growth thrilled her even further. By that time, he was awakening, but he was still clouded by his desire, coupled with the fact that he actually was dreaming of sexual activity with his deceased wife. When Rachel moved her hand along his penis, he pressed his stomach closer to hers and went into an uncontrollable ejaculation. She thought he was urinating and it frightened her. She tried to draw away from him, but he groaned and clutched her to him more tightly, moving his hand to her genital area.
"I didn't know what Daddy was doing to me," she said in a frank, detailed tape-recorded interview. "All I knew was that it felt good. I suppose that when he moved his hand down to my pussy, he must have gotten some of the spraying semen on it, because it was all slick and wet. It was a good feeling though, and I pushed my belly close to him!
"I knew that something was happening other than his urination, or what I thought was urination, but I didn't know just what. He was groaning and jerking all over the place, and calling out to Mama. All at once, though, he woke up. His face turned pale and ashen when he saw who was in the bed with him. I guess it was a terrible shock. He wasn't mad or anything like that, though, he was just shocked. He mumbled something that I didn't understand, and ran quickly into the bathroom. I could still see his erection protruding out of his shorts as he fled from the room!"
Nothing more was said of the incident, but Rachel thought about it at length during the next several days. She could remember the delight she had experienced when her youthful abdomen had been rubbing next to that of her father, and the sexual thrill she had gotten when his rough finger had tickled her clitoris.
Her father was drinking quite a lot in those days, and this served to stimulate Rachel's desire for further gratification, for sometimes he would pass out, half-naked on his bed. She would go into his room, more often than not catching him with a nocturnal erection.
"I would tiptoe in," she explained to the case interviewer. "A lot of times, Daddy would have on what men call a piss hard-on. I didn't know about that of course. All I knew was that I was lonesome, and the sight of it sort of gave me a feeling of relief. It also made me want to get into the bed with Daddy. I could almost feel his stomach next to mine. I was awfully lonesome."
But Rachel's father made it a particular point not to allow that to happen again. He could hardly look Rachel in the eyes. He took particular pains to make sure that their physical contact was kept to a minimum. Occasionally however, she was able to sneak a hug, or a quick sitting on his lap, but this latter was done only in the presence of Floe, who was at that time coming over quite frequently.
In a way, Floe's visits helped to satisfy Rachel's normal need for affection. Rachel even admitted that she could get some warm satisfaction by cuddling next to Floe.
In the meantime, Rachel had learned to masturbate, and was perfecting that art by vicarious thoughts not only of her father, but of her brother Ted. In addition to that, she was becoming able to reach a satisfying goal of sexuality-that is, an infantile climax-by thinking of Floe. There was one time when she caught Floe in the act of urination, and saw her vulva. As Rachel put it, in her own words, recorded on tape:
"I didn't know anyone was in the bathroom, I went in perfectly innocent. Floe was seated on the pot. She was just through peeing I guess, because she was wiping herself off with a piece of toilet paper. I must have appeared startled, but she made no mention of the fact. She just gave me that mysterious look of hers, and smiled. Boy! She had a pretty pussy! Of course, I couldn't see all of it, but I could see the patch of hair. It was red, not blonde like mine. I could also see a little of where the lips of her pussy parted. I really became interested in sex organs then! I wanted to touch Floe's thing right then, but I was afraid of what she might say or do if I brought it up. I guess I was getting fairly precocious about sex by that time, but still, I had not ever thought of penetrating myself. As a matter-of-fact, I don't really think I knew much about what a pussy was for at that time except that when I tickled my clitoridal area, it elicited great feelings of pleasure."
And now Rachel was tickling herself more than ever, trying in some way to substitute sex for affection. This would have been all right, except that soon she came to care little for the effection part, and was concentrating on sexual stimulation more than ever.
"By the time I was eleven," related Rachel, "I was able to get a real glow on. I still had my cherry though, and I had not tried penetration, having learned to bring on a climax purely by thinking about someone and playing with myself externally.
"Ted was growing by leaps and bounds, and was real big for his age. He had a habit of going about the house in his undies. I was more than curious about his genitals, and though I always managed a demure blush, I never missed an opportunity to sneak a peek at his penis!"
Now, here we have a case of normal desire and need for affection that had been channeled into something else. This child, Rachel, had reached a point of what could be termed habitual sexual thoughts. This is much akin to Pavlov's conditioned response, wherein a response is elicited, governed by a certain stimulus-this stimulus is in turn strengthened by the response, and so on. All in all, it is a vicious cycle. The stimulus elicits the response, and the response strengthens the stimulus, which in turn elicits a stronger response, ad infinitum....
Rachel was budding into mature teen-age (if such a state exists) by the time she was twelve. Her young breasts were coming out, and there was a curve to her buttocks that had the roundness of womanhood. She had begun to menstruate, and there was the first sign of hair in her pubic development.
At school, her conversation with other girls was more or less centered on the male of the species, and a great deal of giggling accompanied each session of talk.
"I had never really openly discussed sex" said Rachel, "But naturally we girls finally plunged into that area of discussion. We would mainly talk about boys, but then one of the girls brought up the subject of queers-you know, fruits, homosexuals. I thought it was fascinating, but I wondered about myself, for I was still thinking a lot about Floe. Anyway, we talked about sex a lot. I was masturbating all the time then, at least once every day, and sometimes two or three times. I still had not had any penetration though, but some of the girls had. Some of them were already screwing, or at least they claimed that they had been screwed. One of them said she had "sucked a dick.' I don't know why, but that idea repulsed me".
As the reader will note, Rachel's development was following normal lines of progress. The only thing was that she was progressing at a more tepid degree of development. This was helped along when she met Erin K.
Erin was a merry, cheery girl of well-to-do parentage. She was thirteen, and Rachel was nearing that age, when they met. Like Rachel, she was blooming into a most lovely young lady. But unlike Rachel, Erin was much more sophisticated.
She was more worldly wise when it came to matters of sex.
Rachel found herself attracted to the girl at their first meeting. It was as if some invisible tie was drawing them together. They became inseparable, and spent most of their time together. Their conversations ran the gamut from sexual matters to talk of the weather, and it was inevitable that they find themselves together some time, shrouded in a cloak of privacy. The first time it happened, Erin was spending the night with Rachel. Ted had gone out, and her father (Rachel's) was at Floe's. This left the two girls alone together.
As they prepared their supper, their conversation was as usual. They talked of boys, and of the things they knew about. Their manner was relaxed, warm, friendly, and occasionally Erin would let her hand touch Rachel's shoulder lightly. They were at the sink after supper, when Rachel noticed another look come into Erin's eyes, as Erin blatantly posed a question:
"Have you ever really had sex, Rachel?", she questioned.
Rachel would have taken exception to the remark from anyone else, but not so from Erin. Actually, she was pleased.
"How do you mean?" she retaliated. "If you mean with a boy, no."
"What have you done, then?" went on Erin. "Have you ever done anything to yourself?"
At this point in the conversation Rachel hesitated. But then, under Erin's probing darts of interrogation, she gave in, and admitted to having fingered herself. Erin then asked Rachel if she had ever achieved penetration, and Rachel replied in a truthful negative.
"I really didn't know what was going to happen," Rachel went on. "I knew she had something on her mind, but I didn't know exactly what. I was aroused. I don't mind telling you that for a moment, there was a look on Erin's face almost like the one that I had seen on Floe's. Her eyes were milky looking like they even didn't see. It was like I was in the room with a stranger-a stranger who was fascinating, mature-wantable!"
"She just walked over to me, and gently cupped a hand over one of my breasts. I know we were both pretty young, but still I knew that something powerful was taking place. She squeezed my tit real good, and the next thing I knew, she was undoing my dress-top. Hell, I was surprised-wouldn't anyone be? I didn't resist at all though. I wanted something just as bad as she did. I could feel my breath bounding up inside me, and I felt like a explosion was going to errupt in my stomach. I pushed myself up right close to her, and I could feel our hearts pounding against each other's!"
Being afraid of detection, Rachel suggested that they go into her bedroom.
"I was so foolish," declared Rachel. "I was just trembling all over. I know that I would have pissed all over myself if someone had only touched my pussy. When we got into the bedroom, I was like a whore without a pussy. I didn't know what to do. I thought I'd die! I'd dreamed of doing things with someone else, and I thought I knew the score. Shit, I was naive as hell! Erin seemed to sense my hesitancy, though, and she was as gentle as a lamb with me. I felt the heat of her lips on mine, and her tongue flicking into my mouth, touching the tip of my own and the roof of my mouth. For some silly reason, I wondered if a dick might not have felt the same way. All at once, I didn't think sucking one would be so detestable.
"Well, anyway, by then Erin had gotten me about half undressed, and I was on the bed. I could feel the probing of her fingers under the crotch of my panties. She kind of let her finger just slip between the lips of my pussy, and when she did I nearly went out of my mind. But, she moved her hand up then, and began to massage my stomach. I was totally naked, but she still had on all of her clothes. She asked me if I would like to see her pussy, and I told her that I would like that very much. Even before I looked upon it, I had already decided what it would be like-those two lips parting into the fleshy pink of her insides!
"Anyway, she got onto the bed right alongside me, and I started to undo her dress. We were both hot as firecrackers by then, and I could feel her hands-her fingers pinching me. They were like little tweezers as they brought my flesh into undulating peaks of excitement!"
As Rachel went on with the telling of her tale, her eyes shone with the excitement of one possessed. Her body twisted in the chair, and one could readily see that she was aroused by simply thinking of the long-past episode.
She went on to tell: "Well, I was undoing her dress, that is, her blouse-Her titties were bigger than mine, and they were more Soft and palpable. I got the finest thrill out of feeling her nipples grow stiff and stand straight up under my inexperienced fingers!"
Rachel's conditioning was becoming complete, as the stimulus of Erin's erotic desires fed the fires of passion in her soul. There was a new feeling welling up in Rachel. Also, there was a tenderness about being alongside Erin; and Erin knew what she was doing. Her deft and practiced hands moved from one blooming curve of Rachel's body to another. Finally, when Rachel was responding to her every caress, Erin asked her if she was ready for the insertion of something into her vagina. Rachel described what happened as follows:
"Like I said, I was trembling all over, and my flesh was all goose-pimply. My pussy was well-lubricated, but I was still afraid to have anything put inside of me. When I told Erin of my fears, though, she only laughed at me. She told me that she would be real gentle, and that it would be better to lose my cherry to a finger than to a penis. She said that was the way she broke hers, you know, by sticking a finger into her vagina.
"I was still fearful, but she coaxed me to a position where my legs were sort of hanging over the side of the bed. She got right down to it, and I was totally unprepared for what took place. She put her mouth on my vulva, and the thrill was sharper than about anything I had ever experienced. She was sucking me-I mean really sucking, not just licking and probing, though she was jabbing the entrance to my vagina with the tip of her tongue. She was also making little sloppy smacking noises. All of it combined literally threw me into a frenzy. She did that for a little while, and then she let her mouth stray to my anal area. I don't know who taught Erin about sex, but she lost no time in teaching me. She brought me to a pinnacle of passion with her tongue, and then just as I was about to experience a mature orgasm, I felt her finger go into me. It went right on in, rupturing my hymen in one swift thrust. I must have cried out in both pain and sheer delight, because Erin stopped for a moment.
"But then Erin began to stroke me some more. I came on the spot-a tremendous orgasm-my first mature one. She must have reached some sort of a climax also, for she put her mouth back onto my pussy and I could feel her body jerking and throbbing. Those little smacking sounds were very prevalent then, and they heightened my desire. I simply couldn't get enough, and I forced my lower abdomen to Erin's lapping mouth. In a minute, though, she stopped again, and asked me if I would like to put my mouth on her pussy. Frankly, I did not really know how to go about it, but Erin was very competent in her instructions. She got on her back, and put a pillow under her rump. Then she told me to start kissing her on the mouth.
"I went right to it, and the taste of her saliva was something tremendous. I suppose some of my own juice was still lingering on her lips. Anyway, she really responded to my loving! Her belly was touching mine, and our breasts were nipple-to-nipple. In a few minutes, she began to push my head down to her breasts. I felt her nipples stiffen between my lips, and I suppose I would have kept that up except that she pushed my face down to her stomach. All the time, she was giving me instructions about what to do. I put my tongue into the pit of her navel. That satisfied her for a moment, but then I felt her hands moving my face further down. I could smell her genitals even before I got to them. She wasn't really hairy down between her legs, though she did have quite a bit up on her lower abdomen.
"Well, I didn't have to really do much of anything, because she was doing most of it for me. She opened up her legs real wide, and the next thing I knew I was looking at the shining lips of her vulva. I dove right to it. I put my tongue into her. and became frantic over the taste and the sounds that I was making on her pussy!
"These sounds were something else! Once, her pussy made a noise all by itself. I suppose it was due to some air that I blew into her. When she reached her climax, she grabbed me by the breasts, and tickled my nipples furiously. I don't know what it was, but a thin, slick discharge came out of her. It was sort of white, and pungent-tasting. I really didn't like the taste of it, but the thought of having some of her juice on my lips was excruciatingly wonderful!"
The girls spent most of the remainder of the night in mutual masturbation, cunnilingus, and more diversified forms of sexplay, including but not limited to anal stimulation by the use of their fingers and tongues. For some reason, Rachel's father did not arrive home for the night, nor did he come home the next morning. This gave the girls a further chance to explore the intricacies of sexual involvement. Rachel was extremely gratified by the session that morning-a session which involved her brother Ted, and a situation that was to further condition her for more daring sexual experiences, though it left her with a considerable guilt trauma. In her words:
"Erin and I were on the bed, and believe you me, I was satisfied! She wasn't, though. I didn't know anyone could want so much sex! We had just finished eating each other, and were lying quietly, when all at once, she asked me if I had ever done anything with my brother. I was not prepared for that, and I knew that it was wrong. I told her so too, but she only laughed at me again, and told me that she had a good mind to go and get into the bed with him. I was really frightened then. Hell, I was afraid he might tell on us! Erin was gay as a sparrow about the whole thing though, and before I could stop her, she was out of the bed, nude and giggling. All at once, the whole thing seemed funny, almost hilarious. I joined into the spirit of the situation, and before you could say Jack Robinson, we were peeking into Ted's room and our sides were splitting with mirth. Not only that, but again I was unprepared, for Ted was sitting on the edge of the bed. He had on a gigantic hard-on, and he was masturbating. I knew it was wrong to entertain the idea of sexual manipulation at the hands of my brother, but then I remembered the time I had held my father's penis, and the thrill I had gotten from that.
"Erin was absolutely frantic to get into his room, and I guess we made too much noise, because he stopped right in the middle of a long stroke, and looked in our direction. 'What the hell are you doing there' he yelled. I didn't know what to say, but Erin did. 'We want some lovin,' she answered in a flamboyant manner, and looked at me and then back to him.
"Well, I don't think I'll ever forget the scrambling of Ted as he tried to cover himself. Perhaps if it had just been Erin alone he might have reacted differently, but as it was, he looked afraid-probably he was as nervous about the situation as was I. His penis was fully erected, and even after he had managed to get himself under the sheet I could still see the bulge where it was poking upwards.
"Erin was giggling like mad, but there was a misty look in her eyes. She ran to the bed and jumped right in, zooming her hand down to grab poor Ted's penis. Then we were all in the bed laughing, tickling, and playing. Ted's original apprehensiveness was gone, and we had a pillow fight. Once, Ted plopped me real hard. For some reason, it excited me sexually, and the look that passed between us could not have gone unnoticed. Erin said, 'What have we here!' I didn't have an answer ready, but then it suddenly dawned on me that here I was in the bed with my brother, and I was sexually aroused by him. I might flee the room had he not deliberately reached out and grabbed one of my breasts with his hand.
"Whang! went the insides of my brain, and I grabbed him by the penis. It was nearly hard by the time I clutched it, arid I could feel the blood pulsing through the veins that were distended along the sides!
"Erin reached out and took hold of Ted's balls. When she did that, he ejaculated prematurely, and before I knew what was happening, she had her mouth on it, slurping and sucking his penis for all she was worth. Ted's eyes rolled back into his forehead, and I knew that he was in another world. I couldn't help myself. God help me for ever doing what I did, but I jerked Erin off of my brother, and took his penis into my own lips. I could feel the bulbous head of the thing probing into my mouth, and all the time, Ted was groaning.
"There was a musky smell, and the taste of stale mint in my mouth-then I felt the probing of Erin's tongue onto my anus. I really had one hell of an orgasm! I'm thirty years old now, but that was the greatest orgasm I've ever had! I've looked up more asses than you can shake a stick at since then, and I've had just about all the voyeurism that anyone could desire. But right then, in that instant, I got the finest thing off that I have ever experienced! Man it was great! Something else!"
Rachel went on to relate that she did allow Ted to perform actual heterosexual coitus with her. Not only did she allow it, but she induced him to do it. As she recounted the events of that morning:
"I got through sucking off Ted, and then Erin put her tongue to his rectum. I could see the contraction of his buttocks, and the flinching of his loins as he drove to meet this young entrepreneur's caresses. I thing that he even nearly urinated once, so excited he got. But all of the time, my pussy was throbbing, and I wanted to fill it with a penis. I could remember the size of Daddy's when I had held it in my hand that morning so many years past. I don't thing I'll ever forget the way it spewed onto my stomach I'm talking about the way Daddy's did now, not Ted's.
"I looked into Ted's face, and his look was almost pathetic. I knew he wanted to say something, but didn't know exactly how to say it. I know he wanted to say something like: 'Oh my sweet, my love ... I want you so much! I want to pour myself into you. I want to fill you with my love-the testimony of my fluid!' I knew this was what he wanted to say, but in our youth, so many times there are so many things that we want to say, and really quite don't know how to say them....
"Well, as it finally worked out, Erin told me to take a position on my back, and to place a pillow under my hips. I did this. It was then that I knew that Ted had never had any before, for he was inept, in fact quite clumsy.
"His fingers were like small probes of passion as they found their way into the recently deflowered depths of my vagina. I didn't really want to enter spiritually into this thing, but my body was dying for some sex. I guess my mind was, too. I wanted a male, and I was going to have one, even if it was Ted-my own brother!"
Here, there may be a tendency for the reader to find fault with the writer, for the reader may think that this meticulous recounting of Rachel's early life the word-for-word transcription of the frequently disgusting tape recordings is perhaps even ludicrous. This is not the case however, for the background of her conditioning must be told. Otherwise, the reader cannot fully grasp the situation wherein Rachel was brought to the brink of a change of personality.
Rachel went on with her account of the episode with Ted:
"As I mentioned before, I was on the bed, and I had a pillow under my hips. With the look of Erin's eyes in front of me, and the feel of Ted's bulging penis trying to find its way into me, I must have looked a fright, nevertheless, I was aroused to the peak!"
Rachel went on to relate that she and her brother engaged in active coitus, and that his penis was very large. She indicated that her genital area was a bit tender, but that she was to such a height of passion and excitement that she would have cared less had he put a leg into her.
"I was out of my mind," said the girl. "When Ted in his bumbling placed the nose of his penis, you know, the phallus against my genitalia! I really was terrified, but at the same time I was enthralled. Erin was having a ball too. She had slipped one of her hands underneath my buttocks, and the whole time Ted was stroking me, she was manipulating the cheeks of my rear, spreading them, and penetrating me in the anus with her fingers. Ted was acting like anything but a brother, for he was actively tonguing me in the mouth, and he was groaning like an inflamed bear. His weight was heavy on my body, but it was good too, especially when I felt the first throbbing, quivering preliminaries to his orgasm. And then like a volcano, he erupted into me. I actually called out my father's name, it was so deliciously reminiscent of the time he had ejaculated on my stomach!
"Ted didn't get right off me, but sort of soaked his penis in me. I was in a tremendous state of excitement, but all at once it dawned on me that I had been having intercourse with my own flesh-and-blood brother! I started crying, and I guess that it scared Ted because he tried to shush me. It didn't bother Erin though. She laughed at me real mean-like, and pinched me real hard on my rump. Even in my frenzy and remorse it was thrilling, but I got up and ran from the room! I went into the bathroom hoping that Erin would follow. I felt nauseated about the entire episode.
"She didn't come in, though, and I could hear her and Ted talking on the other side of the door. I figured I might as well look in on them. I had had plenty of sex myself, but the sight I saw aroused me again. I must have been a hotter number than I thought was possible, for as I watched Ted go down on Erin, I soon was cramming fingers into my own genitals. He did that to her for a little while, and then he got another erection. He was more practiced with Erin than he had been with me, and I was looking right up their asses. When he put that log into her, she threw both of her legs to the ceiling and acted like she was trying to literally envelope him, literally devour him with her ravenous box!"
Rachel when on to explain how the sight of her brother and Erin in the sexual act brought her to another climax, though she was still terribly upset by the feelings of guilt that were commencing to eat at her again.
After Ted and Erin had reached their tumultuous orgasms, the girl went home. Ted left the house, and Rachel fell into a fitful slumber.
It is interesting to note that this girl was not in any way abnormal, but had merely begun to substitute physical sex for a lack of affection. This writer, in editing the case material, is stressing her early development so that the reader will later reach a more comprehensive understanding of her traumatic problems when she entered into the field of helping the ill.
In addition to the initial trauma of her incestuous relationship with Ted, another thing happened that day, or rather something did not happen. Her father did not come home for another night. Needless to say, Rachel was frightened when by ten o'clock neither her father or her brother were home, and then, as she put it, she was more afraid that Ted would come home before her father.
"I knew what I had done with Ted was wrong, terrible wrong," she stated, "and still I couldn't get it off my mind. I wanted more of it. I knew that if Ted wanted it I would let him have it. Hell, I didn't trust myself at all. I could have killed Erin for suggesting that we try what we had!"
At ten-thirty, Rachel finally managed to fall asleep. She was not aware of it, but in her sleep she was sobbing, and the weight of her guilt was taking a more strong hold upon her troubled mind. At eleven, however, she was awakened by the touch of hands roaming over her body. It was Teddy, and he had come for a second helping. She wanted to resist, but even before she was wide awake her organs were screaming for the substitution of sex instead of solace.
"Damn!" she related. "There I was, again under the hands of my brother-a brother who was not going to take no for an answer! I made only one supperficial attempt to repulse him, and then I opened my legs to him. He didn't insert his penis right away, but licked me good. He licked me all around my butt, and then up the crotch, before he put his penis into me. I know that I must have already been in constant orgasm for a full five minutes when he did make his jab. I reached up and jerked his buttocks toward me and locked my legs about his waist. He must have gotten his just as I got mine, because right at the moment I felt the muscles of my vagina contract I felt his quivering throb! I was full before I knew it, and then, damn it, I was crying again!"
"Ted was like a fool, though. Even with the salt of my tears in plain view, he put his penis into my mouth. I could taste the mixture of our mutual lubrication, and then quite suddenly, I felt him build to an erection within my mouth. I didn't know what I should have done, but when he ejaculated I just swallowed. He was apologetic about that-you know, jacking off in my mouth. I didn't find it objectionable at all. As a matter-of-fact, I liked it!"
For a further analysis of Rachel and her development, the reader will find food for thought in the following chapters wherein it is pointed out how another and quite different manner of sexual gratification was rationalized into reality by this very beautiful and thoroughly mixed-up young woman.
CHAPTER TWO
ENTER FLOE
It has previously been pointed out that Rachel was developing not only ever-increasing sex drives, but that in her search for affection and love, she was also developing latent lesbian inclinations. They were further developed when her father finally did arrive back home some two days later. He did not come alone however, but brought with him a new wife in the person of Floe, the attractive redheaded nurse.
This incident helped Rachel not at all, for Floe was most attractive. Her stature was petite, like that of a young girl, but that is where any immaturity in the stepmother's figure ended, for her hips rounded to curvaceous buttocks; her breasts were tight against her bodice, and her legs were a delight for Rachel to behold. As we pointed out in Chapter One, Rachel had one time before caught a glimpse of Floe's privates, an incident she recalled over and over to herself with much pleasure.
And now, what with Floe constantly around the house, Rachel had more fuel for her burning fires of passion-her hunger for love and affection, till, each time she thought of her former relationship with her brother, she felt horribly guilty. She never told anyone about it however, but kept it buried in her mind's deepest recesses.
However, she did not keep the thoughts of Floe's loveliness buried in her subconcious. The nearness of the woman pushed Rachel into frequent sessions of fantasy wherein she would picture Floe cuddling next to her, and allowing her to fondle her genitals. Rachel went to great lengths to make the fantasies real, and by sheer concentration was finally able to achieve a subtle orgasm simply by thinking of her stepmother, who was more like an older girl friend than a stepmother. The more Floe endeavored to be nice to Rachel however, the more enamored the girl became with her.
"One day," said Rachel, "Floe was trying to help fit a dress on me. She was an excellent seamstress, and no longer worked at the hospital. She made a lot of my clothes. Anyway, she was pulling the dress, and fitting it on me. The closeness of her was heady. I don't suppose she meant to do it, but in bending and turning to help fit my dress, her shorts crept down her buttocks a bit. I could see the beginning of the top of her rear crack. It was like I was stealing something, looking down that little distance towards her anus. She didn't know I could see into her shorts, and this made it even better. I could hardly wait for her to get out of the room so that I could masturbate!
"I did it good, too. First I locked my door. Then I got on the bed, and laid on my back. I put a pillow under my hips like Erin had suggested before. Then I began to think of loving Floe. In my fantasy, we were back fitting fitting the dress as we had been doing just previously. I was standing over her, and her shorts crept open at the back zipper as they had before. Only in my daydream, I didn't just get excited and aroused. In my day-dream, I called out to her. 'Floe! I said. 'Oh Floe, I want my hands on you! I want to slip my fingers down into the back of your shorts. I want to let one slip down your cleavage until I touch your ass-hole! I don't want you to help. I just want you to get hot!' "
"I was at the same time prodding myself with the handle of a hair-brush. Finally, unable to restrain myself, I wrapped a pair of panties around a coat-hanger rod-you know, the cardboard kind. I ferociously crammed it into my pussy. I came immediately. I was carried away, and I must have stroked myself a little harder than I should have, because I was a little raw after that session. I started thinking about Floe a lot. After that day, I tried every chance I could find, to catch her in some partial state of undress. I didn't want to see her all the way undressed. In my way of thinking, I wanted to steal the naked look from her. I succeeded sometimes, too. One day I managed to see into the bathroom. She didn't have any idea about my peeping, and was not at all concerned about the position she was in.
"I was sort of hurt, for evidently she had had sex relation with Daddy the previous night. The reason I concluded that was because she was just in the act of inserting a douche nozzle into that beautiful red box of hers. She had one foot up on the lavatory, and I could see her parting the lips of her vulva with one set of fingers as she guided in the nozzle with the Others. I prayed for her to manipulate herself, but outside of moving the nozzle in and out a couple of times for ease and lubrication, she only took a douche. When I saw all the douche water come out of her, I knew I would have to masturbate. I did, but it was not at all satisfying. I wanted to be with Floe. Sometimes I would get so damned nervous thinking about her that I wouldn't hardly be able to keep my hands off of her."
Ted, in the meantime, was taking every opportunity he could find to continue sex relations with his sister. Rachel said she would not have agreed to this any more, except for the fact that she was so torn up emotionally, she had little resistance left in her. Usually, she and Ted would have their sex sessions when Floe and her father were out of the house. If not that, they would innocently say that they were going swimming or offer some other reason for sneaking off.
"Ted didn't like the idea much, but I finally forced him to start using some kind of protection. I sure as hell didn't want to get pregnant, and besides that, I was still feeling more guilty all the time about doing it With my brother. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I felt guilty when he would get me all aroused. It was only after wards that I was plagued with these dreadful feelings, especially once, it was really bad.
"No one was home except Ted and I. I prayed for him to come to me, and yet at the same time I prayed that he wouldn't. Pretty soon he did, though. He was rough as hell on me. He didn't even rub my breasts or anything. He hardly allowed me enough time to get lubricated before he spread my legs. I don't know what was wrong with him that day. He never would tell me, but let me tell you, he was like he was wanting to rape me or something. He bit me hard on one of my shoulders while he was doing it. He bit me so hard that it left an imprint of his teeth on me so that I didn't dare wear a sun-halter, exposing my shoulder, for a full week. He wouldn't even wear a rubber, and even though I was angry with him for the way he was acting, I remember thinking how much better it was in the flesh rather than doing it with one of those darned things!
"He had me broken over on my knees and elbows, and I think his penetration was deeper than it had ever been before. I could feel the preliminary throbbing, and I knew that he was going to ejaculate pretty soon. I began to squirm by buttocks up against his stomach, and reached between my legs to pull on his testicles. About then, he withdrew his penis, and tried to insert it into my anus. He was so hot that he couldn't help himself. I suppose that if he hadn't ejaculated on my anus though that he would have torn me wide open. As it was though, his ejaculation greased the way for his penis to abruptly penetrate my rectum. I could hardly get my breath, I was so startled.
"He reached to the front of my hips and dragged me back tight against him. I felt pain and pleasure at the same time, and I began cursing him. I don't really remember what I said, but wasn't cursing like I wanted him to stop. I didn't even want him to become gentle. Hell, I was begging him to cram it into me more! Even today I can remember how strange my supplications sounded in my own ears. I was begging for him to really get with it. My language was filthy, but somehow the very sounds helped me to an orgasm. Ted was spent, though. Hell, I was just getting wound up, and he couldn't go any further. He was making sounds like it was hurting him. I am sure that this was due to the tightness of my anus which I could feel gripping his trembling organ.
"When he withdrew, his organ was limp-flacid, and looked weak, not strong like it always had before. For some reason, I became furious, when I thought of how he had come into my room and literally raped me, chewed me, and all of that; when I thought of how he was leaving satisfied, and of how I was so aroused and would have to masturbate. I turned on him, and clawed him good across the chest, and around' his buttocks. To my surprise, he immediately began to mount another erection!
"I was really erotic at that point, for I was experiencing something that was new-the pleasure of giving someone pain, and watching them enjoy it. God, I really needed to reach an orgasm! But before we could continue, I heard my parents returning. Ted left the room, and my only recourse was to masturbate. But when I did, I began to scratch myself across my buttocks with the teeth of a long black comb. I know I left welts across my fanny, but to my profound surprise, I found that I reached an orgasm without any penetration. It was delightful!"
This was the beginning of Rachel's sado-masochistic development, but only the beginning, as the reader will see later. For a long time, she restrained herself from having any relations with her brother, thought she did admit to thinking about his sexual precocity when she would have her sessions of masturbation. But Rachel was very preoccupied with her thrilling new process of pain and pleasure. She began to do other things to herself-such things as punching a fork against her abdomen just over her genitals. She would not bring blood, but merely press hard enough to gain orgasm.
Naturally, by this time, she was also developing a bit of fetishism regarding Floe, and this was satisfied for the moment by the theft of one of her stepmother's brassieres. If Floe missed it, she said nothing, and Rachel used it to good advantage. She would insert rough objects into the cups and then don the brassier, making believe that the tweaks of pain she was able to get were from a vicarious nibbling by Floe's beautiful white teeth.
"I found some small cockle-burrs," said Rachel, "and I put them into the cups of Floe's brassier. Sometimes I would also put some into the crotch of my panties, and then put on a tight pair of shorts over the panties.
"No one knew it, and I could go around the house getting orgasm after orgasm, depending on the position of the panties against my vulva. I wore the bra as tight as I could get it, and took great pleasure in sitting in the same room with Floe. Floe didn't know it, but I was stealing her sexual desire. I was actually having a spiritual communion with her. I would just sit across from her, and we would engage in the most innocent of conversations, like a teen-age daughter has with her mother. All the time, I would be feeling the touch of her lips on my breasts and the pinching of her fingers on my genitals. Of course this was caused by the rough objects I had inserted into the bra and the crotch of my panties. But there we were in the room together, and I had her bra on, and I was listening to her talk while I reached a climax. I tell you, it was weird as hell, but at the time it more or less satisfied me."
This method of release did not work for long, however, for as in the case of all stimulus-derived activities, more and different stimuli were required by Rachel to enable her to satiate her near-nymphomaniacal state.
She found some additional release in an episode with another young schoolmate-an athletically built young man of sixteen. His name was Clarence, and though he was only sixteen, he already was of stalwart figure. His shoulders were large and brawny, and he elicited strong feelings in Rachel.
Clarence was less than precocious, however, and though he was of real masculine build, Rachel had three dates with him before he had the fortitude to put an arm about her young shoulders and let his hands wander to her breasts. Rachel laughed about the incident as she later confided about it:
"Clarence was a real kook!" she exclaimed. "But what the hell, I guess I was one too. I really didn't even want him, but he was so big and strong-looking that I wanted to get him into a position where I could pinch him on his penis. I still wanted to hurt someone-I also wanted someone to hurt me.' 'At the time, Rachel was still only fifteen years of age, but more than ever, she had reached that age of indeterminable age. She was a very sexy-looking creature, and had manipulated her genitals with everything from a large pickle shrouded by a condom, to a picnic sized bologna.
"Well," she went on, "this kook, Clarence, showed up right on time for our third date. We were supposed to take in a movie. I had been more than free with myself on our prior dates, but for some reason he always played the part of the gentleman. I had planned things out though, and I knew I was going to have him that night or else. I had just finished my period, so I really wasn't worried about getting knocked up. Besides, I was always hotter than hell right after I had stopped flowing.
"I knew he was having a hell of a time trying to keep his hands off me, and as we drove on through the rain toward the drive-in, I snuggled over close to him. I could feel his breathing starting to become rough, coarse, labored-and I pushed my hips up tight against his. He surprised me by slipping an arm about my shoulders.
"I let him build up for a little bit, and then I scooched up to him in a way so that it was impossible for him to keep his hand from brushing down onto the tip of my right breast. I was aroused, not just by he touch of his fingers on my nipple, but I have always liked to be the aggressor, and the thought that I was actually seducing him when, he thought that he was taking the initiative, led me on to even more vulgar overtures. I asked him if he wanted to stop the car. He was real surprised, but he pulled off the main road to a little place where some of the kids went to smooch. It was raining hard as hell, and the rain reminded me of the gooey smacking sounds that Erin's mouth had made on my sex organs. I was delighted when he pulled me over next to him. He was bumbling and fumbling, and he might had done it by accident, but the first thing I knew, he had his hand on my stomach. It was on the outside of my dress, but nevertheless it felt good. I let him hold it there for a little while, and all the time he was trying to kiss me. He didn't really know how in the beginning, but most people rise to the occasion.
"I asked him if he knew what he was doing, but he just grunted and kept on mashing his hand onto my pelvic area. I reached over and let my hand brush onto his penis, which was trying to bulge up against his zipper. I didn't fool around, and when I took it out, he put his hand up my dress. I thought he might be real slow, but he actually nearly tore off my panties trying to get a finger into me. He did it though, and the first thing I knew, he didn't just have one finger into me, he had two, then three, and then it felt like he was trying to get his whole hand into me! At the same time, I could feel the head of his penis becoming slick with that first lubrication that a man gets prior to copulation. My mind was once again going around in circles, and I felt like little explosions were taking place down in my pussy. I was filled with a great sense of pleasure and excitement. I squeezed his penis real hard. That was all it took, for it throbbed heavily in my hand, and I know that he shot a full foot straight up into the air. I immediately bent to it, savoring the entire event. He was spent for a little while after that, but then by tickling his balls, and taking his penis into my mouth again, I brought him to another rigid state.
"I came several times before I though about a final session of actual coitus. When his penis was wet again, I took a position on the back seat of the car. Now he had a big one. It was fine! I mean it was a real man's joint. I went nuts when he put it into me! I thought I would take it all. I could take it in diameter, but the length was a all in, though. I was enjoying all of the stroking and trembling that was going on in his strong little too much for me. I finally managed to get it body, but I had a plan, and that plan was not to be undone. When I felt his buttocks quivering I reached down and grabbed his testicles. I squeezed them as hard as I could. He cried out fightily, and I thought he was going to jump off. Instead, he tore my hand loose from his balls, and clamped his penis into me with such force that it really hurt. I reached a tremendous juicy orgasm. The only thing was though, that right at the point of orgasm, I thought of not only Ted, but of my father and of Floe. That upset me, but what really upset me was that Clarence just piled off after that final go around. I got angry about that-terribly angry. He actually did remind me of my brother Ted except that his penis was quite a bit larger.
"All the way home that night, I thought of Floe. Hell, that night when I was trying to get to sleep, I was still thinking about her! I wanted Floe more than I had ever wanted anyone, except that morning that I climbed into bed with Daddy. I don't think then that I really was looking for sex, that is, not right when I did it. I did get some feelings later when I felt him spew onto my stomach, but really, right at first, I was just lonely, frightened and about ten years old. I made a vow to myself, and that vow was that I was going to have Floe hug me and kiss me even if I didn't muster the courage to approach her about some form of real sexual union between the two of us."
Rachel did, too by her own detailed, recorded account in the bulging case-file. She began to plan. She racked her brain for just the right approach. She decided that Floe could not take any exception to treating her for an accident, and she finally settled on a course of action.
Whether fortunately or unfortunately, it matters little-about that time, Rachel's father went on the evening shift at the plant where he worked. This gave Rachel a perfect opportunity to put her plan into action.
One evening when they were alone, Rachel decided it was time to try out her plan. She mentioned to Floe that she was going to take a show er. Floe smiled at her and Rachel left the room. Once in the bathroom however, she made no attempt to get into the shower. As soon as she was nude, she took a position on the floor and slammed her foot hard against the door, at the same time giving out with a piercing scream. Floe was on the scene at once, and bent over the girl, who was feigning unconsciousness.
"When Floe came in," Rachel said, "I just stayed on the floor, and pretended to be out. I had previously spread my legs so that she could not fail to get a good look at my vulva. She bent down to me, and began to bathe my forehead with a cool damp cloth. She was wearing a loose-fitting smock, and I could see where the cleavage of her breasts plunged downward. Her hands were exciting as she tried to soothe me, but that wasn't all that enthralled me though. It was her mouth that was thrilling me, and the warm glowing curves of her figure under the flimsy frock.
"She kept talking to me, asking if I was hurt badly. I told her I wasn't, but I moaned enough while I was telling her to convince her that I was really hurt worse than I was letting on. She asked me if I could get on my feet, and I said that I thought that I could if she would help me. I told her that I had just gotten dizzy and weak in the knees, and that I must have fainted."
Floe helped her stepdaughter to the bed, and tried to cover her with a sheet, but Rachel had other plans. She mentioned to Floe that she was warm and would rather lie nude for a few moments. Floe took no exception to Rachel's request, but began to examine the girl for possible contusions, bruises, perhaps even a fracture. Her practiced hands moved over Rachel's hips and thighs, and though Floe did not know about it, Rachel was becoming highly aroused. Floe's hands were moving along the outside of Rachel's thigh, but Rachel wanted the caress on the inner skin. She mentioned to Floe that there was a pain on the inside of her leg, and Floe, again taking no exception, began palpation of the girl's soft white inner thigh.
"I was really aroused," recalled Rachel. "I wanted some of Floe's sex so badly I didn't know what to do! She was rubbing me about the inside of my leg, and once the back of her hand touched the lips of my pussy, I decided that to hesitate was a waste of time. I wanted to go all the way. I was so far committed emotionally by then that I didn't really give a damn what anyone thought.
"I raised my hips a little, making a firmer contact between the exterior of my genitalia and Floe's hand. She slowed her manipulations, and asked me what I was trying to do. I didn't hesitate a bit, but pressed my parts to her strongly, and feigned sobbing. I told her I loved her very much, and that I constantly had thought about her hugging me and kissing me since she had come to our home, but that I had been afraid to mention it."
"She obviously took my manifestation of sexual desire to be a need for affection, for she pulled me up close to her. I could feel the softness of her breasts bearing down upon my own stiffening nipples. I hugged her tightly to me, and let my hand slowly fall down to the rounding curve of her upper buttocks. She stopped caressing me, and looked surprised. Again, she asked me what I thought I was doing, and this time, I detected a tone of stiffness in her otherwise warm voice. I acted like I was going to cry again, and told her that I was affraid and that I didn't know what I was afraid of. Her expression softened, and she pressed her, warm moisture-laden lips to my trembling cheek.
"I knew that by then it was all or nothing, and I twisted my face until instead of her lips being on my cheek, they met my own eager mouth. Floe acted like she wanted to pull away, but I clutched her tightly, and flicked the tip of my tongue against her teeth!"
For an instant, it felt to Rachel as if Floe was responding, but then her stepmother jerked abrutly away. She appeared to be furious with Rachel, and there was a red glow to her countenance that Rachel had never perceived at any time in their past relationship. But if Floe was angry, so was Rachel, and she related exactly what took place.
"Hell, I was furious! I wasn't just angry at Floe, but at myself as well for fumbling the entire episode. As I watched her flounce out of the room, I could have cried my heart out. I had planned thing so smoothly, and then quite unexpectedly everything had gone to hell on me. She went straight out of the room. Shit, she didn't even look back! I knew it would be hell to pay if she mentioned what I had tried to do-if she even breathed a breath of it to my father, I would be up the old creek. I had other things on my mind also. I went to the bathroom, got my stiff brush, and got back onto the bed. I put my old faithful pillow under my rear, but then I flipped over and doubled it beneath my stomach, which was actually jerking. I had it done that way once before when I went to the dentist and he gave me a shot of novocaine. I guess you know what I mean! Well, I had my ass up in the air, and I scrubbed the cheeks of my rump as hard as I could with the stiff bristles of the brush. I also shoved an end of the sheet into my vagina as far as I could get it.
"I reached a very unsatisfactory orgasm, and though I really tried to reconjure up a picture of Floe cuddling with me, I couldn't. I could hear her rummaging about in the next room though. I listened, and at the same time I stuck the handle of my brush into me. In a little while, I was finally able to get some relief, but it still wasn't much for what I had gone through.
"I then tried a finger in my anus, but that didn't help either. I was all set for a night of misery when I heard Floe call out from the other room. There was an urgency in her voice that hadn't been there before. I went right to her!"
When Rachel entered her stepmother's room, she found the woman sitting on the edge of the bed, sobbing her heart out. Rachel asked her what was wrong and offered an apology for her actions, but Floe assured her that it was not anything that she had done. She broke down and admitted to Rachel that while in nursing school she had practiced lesbianism almost exclusively. She told Rachel that she cared little for heterosexual affairs, and while she was able to endure the episodes with John, she constantly had to fight her desires for coitus with another female. She also admitted to Rachel that she had thought of doing things with her, but that she hadn't know how to approach her.
Naturally this confession on the part of her stepmother filled Rachel with glee, and even before the echo of the words died in the pregnant stillness of the room, Rachel had her lips planted firmly on Floe's. That time there was no hesitancy on the part of either girl. Rachel was met with a moist kiss together with a generous amount of tonguing.
Rachel was still nude, and Floe commenced to squirm out of her smock, even as her hands began to roam over the curves of Rachel's hungry body.
"I could feel her hands kneading every part of me-they were like little pincers of pleasure as they touched my every sensitive area. Floe was really experienced. As we went on there was no question in my mind that she was a true lesbian, for she spoke of tender things-of how much she wanted me and desired me-she told me how she wished that I were her very own!
"I knew I had been a foolish girl to wait so long to approach her, but I decided to make up for lost time. For the first time in my entire life I was experiencing what I knew had to be. I kept tasting her sweet lips as her hands kept on tasting my privates.
"Floe wanted to know if I had ever had heterosexual coitus, and I readily admitted that I had. She then wanted to know if I liked it as well as making love to her. At the same time, she gave me one of those looks that nearly made my flesh fall from my bones. I replied that I could take heterosexual sex or leave it, but that I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anyone. She questioned me regarding fellatio. I promptly advised her that I liked it, but that I liked cunnilingus much better, especially when I was the active partner. She was surprised at my knowledge of the terms, but immediately suggested that we do it mutually-you know-like in the sixty-nine position. I repeated that I would do it with her gladly, but that I wanted to do it to her singly the first time, and after that we could do it the sixty-nine way."
Floe agreed to Rachel's proposal, but suggested that prior to the active session of cunnilingus that they perform a sort of mutual masturbationnot with their tongues or hands, but in a manner that she, (Floe), was particularly fond of, and particularly adept at, as Rachel later was to find out.
Rachel, unfamiliar with Floe's unique technique, did as her partner obliged by taking up a position on her back, and drawing up her knees until they touched the tips of her hardening breasts. In this position her vulva was exposed in an upward position. Floe spread the girl's legs apart enough to get one of hers through the vee of her crotch. In this position they were able to make solid contact with the tempestuous external parts of their sex organs. In a few short moments of vigorous rubbing, pressing, and quivering of their parts both of the women experienced an explosive orgasm.
"Boy!-I could feel her juice pouring all over my pussy!" said Rachel, becoming more excited as she continued to retell the events of the afternoon. "It was simply wonderful. We were both so wet from persperation and our mutual juices that we were happily sliding all over each other but instead of this lack of friction causing us not to have as great a sensation, it was really better I think, because we were like a couple of sisterly clouds as our bodies were not just getting one little feeling but a whole magnificent, universal concept of sexual love!"
The session between the two lasted until nearly midnight, when it was time for John to return. They brought each other to extreme heights of passion and desire. They went into a session of cunnilingus before the end. Floe did it to Rachel first, and then Rachel pleased her erstwhile stepmother by doing a magnificent job on her. There was kissing, petting, caressing, and in one instance, in a flurry of wild abandon, Floe actually penetrated Rachel's anus with the tip of her tongue-Rachel described the latter happening as making her "as nervous as a pot of boiling noddles, but as pleasantly satisfied as a satiated shrew."
After their final interlude of loving, they rested. Both were well satisfied, and Floe thanked Rachel profusely for bringing her to the most satisfying climax that she had had in years. As they rested, side by side, Floe told Rachel about her lesbian encounters during her course of nurse's training. Rachel found herself becoming aroused again as Floe went on with her telling of tales, but they were not able to continue on with their love-making.
Rachel rested peacefully that night however; that is, for a while she did. Then she heard noises-angry sounds coming from the room of her father and stepmother.
"Daddy sounded real mad," she said, "and I went to the door and peeked. There was a large crack between the door and where it met the wall, and I had no trouble seeing all that was taking place."
"Floe was crying again, and Daddy was walking back and forth in front of her like a wild tiger."
"'Damn you anyway!', I could hear him saying. 'You bitch, when I want some pussy I want some pussy, and I don't mean no maybe about it! Shit, what kind of man do you think I am? I could tell he had been drinking. Poor Floe, I guess she was so tired from our session that she just didn't have any energy left for Papa. I don't guess she wanted any part of a man anyway. At least she had said that she didn't, I had no reason to doubt her either."
"Daddy was naked except for his shorts, but I could see that he already had on a staunch erection. Every now and then the head of it would leap out of his shorts. I was reminded of the morning that I had felt that head of his penis throb wildly in my hand, and my own hand crept to my pussy."
"Daddy kept up his raving, and then he started drinking out of a little bottle. It was a half pint I think, but it must have been boot-leg whiskey because the bottle was round and long, not flat. He cursed her some more and then he almost jumped to her side. He grabbed her by the arm and threw her onto the floor. I never knew that he had it in him to treat a woman that way, but I was seeing it with my own eyes. He didn't even bother to tell her to take off her gown which she had put on since I left her. He just reached down and ripped it from her writhing figure. I sure didn't like the way he was treating her, but the sight of her prostrated at his feet gave me a new kind of a thrill. I could see her genitals wet between her legs, and the sight of Daddy over her form brought me to another orgasm.
"She made like she was going to get up off of the floor, but he put a foot on her belly and held her down. His penis was so erect that I know it was ready to rip itself out of the crotch of his underwear. I became much more excited. I would have loved to put my hand around it! I would have liked to kiss the head of it. It was reddish purple right on the head, and I could see the distention of veins along-side. His erection was so stiff and tight that it had pulled his nuts up right underneath his stomach. They looked like two lemons in a real tight sack. I know that his penis was at least two inches in diameter, and at least eight inches or maybe even nine inches long. I wanted that thing inside of me-I wanted it in my mouth so bad that I found myself licking my lips! Goddam!"
Rachel then watched her father bend his form over that of Floe. But he didn't attempt coitus, he straddled her breasts forcing the head of his penis into her fighting mouth. Rachel could see that Floe was still resisting, but the sight of the woman being forced to suck on her fathers penis raised her to another orgasm. The position did not suit her father however, and soon he was sitting on the side of the bed, his feet on the floor, and his legs open. He forced Floe down to a position her knees and made her perform fellatio on him, but not to the point of ejaculation. He caused her to get off of her knees and to sit on his upright penis. Rachel described the situation with delight.
"I was looking at Floe's ass and the vee of Daddy's legs. I was surprised that they made penetration, but they did. Floe took it all. The expression on her face was anything but satisfied, but her body was fighting to get more and more of his penis into it. God, but finally she got all of it into her. I thought that her anus was going to turn wrong-side out. It didn't though. She just stiffened up, and I knew that she was hurting. I liked that though. I wanted that same hurt, or to do it to someone."
One can readily see that by this time, when Rachel was sixteen that she was developing or rather refining other sexual tendencies-namely those of masochism and sadism. The use of the stiff-bristled hair brush across her buttocks was indicative of this-also her desire to hurt a man about the genitals. But, as she continued to watch her father brutally take her stepmother, the drives of these two mechanisms began to solidify in her whirling mind. She rapidly stroked herself in and out with several fingers but in addition to that, she pinched the lips of her vulva viciously-so viciously that she brought blood. The pain however was mixed With feelings of supreme delight.
As she went on manipulating her genitals her eyes closed, and she imagined that the pinching of her parts was actually the biting of her father's teeth. She had several twinges of orgasm. These orgasm compounded into multiple sessions of maturity when she heard the sounds of smacking and slapping coming from the next room.
That time when she looked, her throat tied itself into a lunip, and she thought that she would not be able to catch her breath.
John had forced Floe into a position on her back upon the bed. Rachel became so excited at the revelation of this portion of her tale that at one point she had difficulty forming her words.
"Daddy had Floe on her back upon the bed. He had made her draw up her legs-she was holding her knees to her breasts by clutching herself tightly behind the rear bend of her knees. The way that she was positioned, her pussy was looking straight up to Daddy. He was using his hand on her-not fingering her or tickling her, but slapping the hell out of her right on the widening lips of her pussy!
"I figured he was huting her, but he wasn't; and then instead of just slapping her on the external parts of her pussy he began to slap her all about the buttocks. A look of keen pleasure crossed her face, and she pulled her legs tighter to her chest. It was one Hell of a sight. As he continued to beat her, her whole ass turned red from the pounding, and then she reached with one hand and grabbed his penis. She didn't stroke it, but pulled on it so hard that I was afraid it might come off. Daddy's face was contorted in pain, but there was a lustful smile on his lips. The harder she pulled on his dick, the harder he slapped her on the fanny. Soon, I was a contraction start to take place in Floe. Her buttocks quivered a little-then they stiffened, and I could see the contraction begin in the muscles of her genitals. Her lips were parted and the saliva was running in little droplets out of the comers of her mouth. She was groaning something fierce, and then she came. Her ass was like a bowl of jelly it was trembling so violently. I remembered what she had said about not getting any satisfaction from Daddy, and I was just a little angry, for I knew that she had either lied to me, or else, I had primed her to have some good sex with him. Perhaps she was thinking about me, I thought. But then I became so interested in what was going on that I forgot everything except the scene before me.
"Daddy's ass also tightened, and about the time that Floe gave her appreciative gasp, his huge organ began to spit. I know that he threw that load a full two to three feet. All the time, Floe was tightening and relaxing her grip on his penis-she wasn't stroking him mind you, but squeezing and unsqueezing his penis. When he was having his last throbbing spew, she hurriedly got the head of it into her mouth, and performed fellatio on him. He was just standing there trembling, as first she kept it in her mouth-but then she began to lick his penis like a child licks a stick of candy. God, if she hadn't stopped for a moment I would have passed out!"
They stopped for a little while then. Floe stayed on the bed, but Rachel watched as her father continued to drink from his small bottle. He was still unclad, and she described his penis as "the most remarkable hunk of meat that she ever hoped to see."
John kept drinking continually until his bottle was drained. Then he held it to the light, before returning his gaze to his wife.
"Her eyes had a look of fright in them," said Rachel, "but she made little effort to resist. Daddy parted her legs and put the neck of the bottle into her vagina. She was completely still, but allowed him a few moments of stroking pleasure before she asked him to withdraw it from her. I was surprised, but Daddy did as she asked without the least sign of resistance."
Then Rachel watched as her father bent Floe over the edge of the bed. He smeared her anal area with a lubricant that he had retrieved from their dressing table. He was quite gentle as he made his first short probe into her anus, but Rachel related that really there was no need for gentleness for Floe seemed to want it very much. She pushed back upon the huge penis with gusto, and as John stroked in and out, she reached down between the wide arch of her legs, manipulating her clitoris, and tickling his testicles at the same time. Rachel could imagine the pleasure that Floe was experiencing for she remembered how anal intercourse excited her. She made up her mind that she would somehow have her father do it to her. Perhaps some day-some day when Floe was not at home-yes, she concluded, perhaps some day if they were alone, and he was drunk enough, things just might work out for her.
And, so it is that we shall see in other chapters how this beautiful young lady's psycho-sexual adjustment, or maladjustment, developed until she was overtly to become a person suffering from the most acute form of intolerable sexual deviation and bizarre behavior that is imaginable.
CHAPTER THREE
THE DAUGHTER, THE FATHER, AND DEATH
So the cornerstone of incest was once again laid, and Rachel dwelt more and more on how she would have some sex with her father.
And though she still continued to have relations with Floe, Rachel never let that thought from her mind. It was not that she was losing her lesbian tendencies, it was simply the fact that she wanted her father's mature penis inside of her.
On the surface, this looks like sex, but it was actually the result of Rachel's wanting to regress back to childhood-to the time when her mother had been alive. She was searching for a way to go back to that day that her need for affection had been satisfied in the bed with her father.
Floe was not helping the situation either, for she was becoming more aberrated with each passing day. She spent a great deal of time telling Rachel about her Lesbian activities while she was in nursing school. She went into great detail about how she spent enormous amounts of time prepping patients for surgery-many times fondling their genital area. Perhaps some of her tales were fabrications of the truth, but this mattered not much to Rachel who was spending more and more time in fantasy land-sexual fantasy land.
One of Rachel's favorite trips to this nebulous land of sexual activity was one in which she depicted herself as a nurse. She was always dressed in a prim white uniform-and invariably the operation that she was performing was one involving the patient's sexual organs. In her fantasy, it mattered little if her imagined patient was a man or a woman. If it was a woman, it always took on the form of Floe, and conversely, if the patient was a man, it was always her father.
In these episodes, Rachel would picture herself first standing by the patient's bed. A chart would be in her hand, and the chart would reflect the prognosis of the patient-a patient who would always be under treatment for some sexual aberration. She would talk to her charge for a little while, and then her hand would slowly slip under the patient's coverlet.
While she conjured up these thoughts, she would lie on white sheets in her own bedroom, and gently massage her genitals or lower abdomen. She eventually became so adept at this sort of thing that she had little difficulty in bringing on a mature complete orgasm.
During all of this time, she experienced the gamut of sexual activity under the guiding hand of Floe.
Anal intercourse was accomplished many times after Floe purchased an artificial phallus. Floe also taught Rachel how to press on her abdomen down near the bladder to bring on a quicker, more violent and satisfying orgasm. Under Floe's tutelage, Rachel learned how to spread and close her legs rapidly during sexual activity to also bring on a more violent climax.
Never once did Rachel confide to Floe that she wished to have relations with her own father. Rachel did however do her utmost to bring Floe to complete lesbianism. She knew that this would make things more difficult for her father to keep p relations, thusly making her own task of seduction easier.
And, Floe did become less ardent towards John, their relationship soon dwindled into nothingess. He became a morass of depression, and took to drinking heavier than ever. Neither was Floe the same person. She went back to work in the hospital. It was seldom that she and John were home at the same time.
Rachel took the entire disintegration of her family group with much aplomb, for everything was falling into line for her.
"I knew I was terribly wrong," she related, "I knew that I was being incestuous, slutty, a pig of a person, but I didn't really care-no, I won't say that. I will say that I had to have him-you know, Daddy. I just had to have him! I was doing some things with some of the boys in school, but it was unsatisfying as hell. Mainly, it was one of those bam-bam, thank you ma'am type of things when I would let one of them have some. None of them could hold onto an erection for any length of time. Usually, it was a couple of jabs, and they got their climax. I was beginning to wonder at what age a man became proficient regarding sex, that is, as proficient as my father."
With all of this anxiety churning inside her, it was inevitable that Rachel initiate the conquest of her father. She knew that she could not pull a ruse similar to the one she had tried on Floe. The only thing that she could think of was to gradually excite him until he could not help himself, and perhaps would make the first move.
She started by going about the house as thinly clad as she dared. Most of the time, she wore only a sheer slip without panties or brassier. In that way, her thatch of pubic hair showed up as a shadowy mass, and her nipples pushed through her upper slip in small vibrant peaks. She knew that she was arousing her father when one day he hardly seemed able to keep his eyes from her.
"I was getting to him and I knew it. I could see his penis beginning to bulge against his trousers. I tried not to tremble and I thought he was going to touch me, but instead he finally tore his eyes away and told me to either put on some clothes or go into the bedroom."
"I did as he said, but I didn't completely shut the door. You have no idea what a thrill I experienced when I saw his lustful expression in my dressing table mirror. He was hiding outside of the door trying to see all that he could. And believe you me, I put on a show for him. I took my time, my every move calculated to excite my father-to entice him to break the traces and rape me. Hell I wanted him to hurt me! I wanted him to be brutal-to hit, slap, and bruise me!"
Rachel continued to vamp her father with her movements, making no effort to clothe herself. When she had gone far enough to excite even the most frigid of males, she quickly turned to the door. Caught unaware, his jaws slackened, and his face became flushed. He ran into the kitchen much like a small boy who had been caught in a degrading act.
"I wasn't about to be put off," declared Rachel. "I chased him into the kitchen, flaunting my aroused body before him. He looked like he would die! He was fighting his desires, but I could see the tell tale erection of his penis coming up. He turned from me and shakily poured himself another drink-no, he didn't pour it, he drank right from the bottle. The scar on his cheek was turning red, and looked all inflamed.
"He must have thought that I had gone, because he turned back around. 'Like it?' I asked trying to make myself as sensuous as possible. 'Don't do this to me Rachel!' he begged. 'Please my baby, Don't do this to me!' There were actually beads of perspiration coming down his cheeks he was in such throes of indecision.
"I felt powerful-I wanted him to go on begging. 'Afraid Daddy?' I teased, and he just stood there looking at me for a long moment. Then he lunged to me, and clutched me to him. The dream that I had dreamed so many times was taking places, and I went crazy!"
Rachel felt her father's bold hands encircle her body. She felt his probing tongue into her mouth as he lifted her in his arms and carried her to her room. There he stood her before him, and his tongue searched out the delicacy of her breasts. She was like jelly in his arms.
"Father!" she cried, panting her tepid breath along side the scarred cheek. "Father! Oh how I've waited for this! I want you into me in every way! Oh, Daddy! Take me! Hurt me! Kill me if you want to! Oh Father, Fuck me!" He threw her belly next to his as he fought to tear his trousers off.
In no time at all, she was feeling the warmth of his penis wet against her bare belly. It nestled into the hair on her abdomen. But she did not want to take it into her right then. She asked John to spank her, and delighted when he caused her to draw up on the bed. The sight of this beautiful sensuous girl combined with the fury of his alcohol soaked brain caused him to spank her viciously. He began by slapping her squarely on the face of her genitals. She experienced her first orgasm with his first slap, but admitted that it was not real strong. But then he began to smack her all across her buttocks. She begged him to go on to more intemperate pleasures. He was specific in meeting her demands. He used his thin leather belt to stroke her buttocks, leaving thin lines of crimson strolling across her rear. His erection was full by then and he begged her to submit to normal coitus. Instead, Rachel, inflamed with lust, took his penis into her mouth. She nursed it and kissed it until she could feel the warmth of his spurting semen coming into her mouth. She squeezed his testicles until she heard him bellow out a cry of excitement.
After that-a little later, the father and daughter engaged in a long session of anal coitus, although Rachel was only able to take the first portion of his probing erection. There was cunnilingus, analingus, mutual masturbation-a veritable picnic of sex before they were finished. And when it was over, and they had rested, he again placed her onto her back. She felt his great penis probing to the depths of her insides, and the trembling of his body when he reached a full climax.
"I shoved up onto it with all my might," she said, "But still I could only handle about six inches of it. God, but it was something out of this world! I felt him pour himself into me with a ferocity that I would not have dreamed possible. He actually came so much that it was running out of me and onto the bed. He laid on top of me for a little though, letting his entire supply drain out. I was in heaven, and had been completely satisfied. I felt like that from then on I would have a complete sex life. I felt no guilt. I didn't even feel like the man on top of me was my father. I was a strange person in a strange place with a delightful stranger on me, in me, and pouring his soul into my very own!"
Rachel had little time to relish those thoughts, however, for suddenly her father began to mumble unintelligible utterings. He flung himself from her and fled the room screaming that he had killed his daughter-that he had committed an unpardonable sin. Rachel chased behind him, and caught him in the kitchen. He was holding a shiny knife and had stretched his penis out onto the kitchen table. In psychotherapy later, Rachel recounted a most horrible scene:
"I was still nude, but I don't guess I even thought about that. I don't guess I would have cared if Jesus had been in the room. I only knew that I must try to stop my father. I couldn't though. He quickly drew the shiny knife across his outstretched penis. I saw the blood of his life flowing out of him. He didn't pass out right away, but in one final plea for forgiveness he asked me to pray for him. God, I didn't know it, but he had cut off both his testicles and his penis with one fell swoop of the castrating blade. I reached down and tried to stop the flow of blood with my hands, but I couldn't. I vomited when I felt the thick clotting of it on my hands. I know I was a sight when Floe came into the room. I was covered with father's blood, and he was lying in a pool of crimson, his last breaths gushing out of him. His penis lay on the floor near us. I never did find out what happened to his testicles. The ambulance driver must have disposed of them, or Floe did!"
At this point in her account, Rachel could not control her sobbing, for in spite of her terrible action, she had loved the man very much. She finally regained her composure and went on:
"Ted came into the house about that time. When he saw father, he went berserk. He's still in an institution. I was in one for six months myself, as you know.
"Naturally there was an inquest, but I told them that father had raped me and then remorsefully he had taken his own life. It was odd, because I didn't go into shock until about a week later. No one questioned my story, and after all there was nothing I could do to help poor father then. He had already gone to meet his Maker.
"When I was released from the mental hospital, I returned home to find that Floe had turned the house into a rest home or something like that. Anyway, she was taking care of people who could not take care of themselves.
"While in the hospital I had become quite interested in the profession of nursing, and frankly welcomed the chance to do something for someone else. I guess it was a sort of pennance I was trying to pay for my role in the death of my father. At the time, I was seventeen-just barely."
Rachel was a beautiful seventeen too-in spite of the emotional turmoil that she had endured, she still had a look of loveliness about her. Her hair was shiny, and her skin did not have a blemish. Her breasts and other curves had found their way to glory. There was also a new look in her eyes-it was a look of tenderness-a look of mercy. She could not even think about sex anymore without becoming nauseated. This was, of course, mainly due to the trauma involved in the death of her father. Not only that, but she was still harboring a tremendous guilt complex regarding her sexual activities with brother Ted. And in addition, she still blamed herself for his incarceration in the mental institution. She rationalized that if she had not seduced her father that his penalization would not have taken place. This was in error, for it was found that Ted had a malignant brain tumor, and no doubt would have had to be institutionalized in any event.
So here we have the background of this girl-this person who was to dedicate her life to the helping of the helpless. We have a girl greatly experienced in sexual promiscuity-we have a girl who is still subconsciously preoccupied with every form of sex. This girl also possesses a traumatic guilt-ridden mind. She has had, (and still has), both the desire for sex with women as well as men. Indeed, at the time of her decision to help others-a way of absolution of her own guilt-poor Rachel needed help about as much as anyone.
Nevertheless, she did enter into the position of helping Floe run the nursing home. She began to expand her knowledge of the care of the ill, and was soon very proficient in her own way. She learned to bathe patients-to carry bed-pans-to administer to the sick. he and Floe were hard put to run the home, but they managed. One time, Floe cuddled Rachel close to her, but she seemed to notice Rachel's hesitancy and did not press the matter further. Instead, Floe hired a lesbian friend of hers, also a nurse, to help with the running of the home. Actually there was no hiring involved, for Floe and the woman merely settled on a working arrangement wherein they could be together. The nurse's name was Bertha K.
"I had been sleeping in the same room with Floe," offered Rachel, "But I had to move out when Bertha came. I didn't like it much, but I did it anyway. I certainly was not in the mood for any sort of sex. I was just like an ice-cube. Floe sensed it. She was as loving as ever, but she did not press herself on me. We shifted the patients around, and I was able to move into the room next to Bertha and Floe."
About that time however, another incident took place which was to change Rachel's life even further. One of Floe's friends, the mother of a young man named Torrence L., placed him in the charge of the nursing home. He was a paraplegic. He was young, and though his lower extremities were completely without feeling, his mind still dwelt considerably on sex. He was also quite handsome with an athletic build in his upper body. He and Rachel hit it off immediately-they became quite close.
Rachel's days were without end, and her nights were a living hell. She would try to sleep, but in spite of her unspoken vows to leave sex alone, she found herself becoming more and more interested in the action of Floe and Bertha as they frolicked in the next room.
Her only real solace-her only real peace of mind came when she and Torrence were alone and talking about all sorts of things. At first their conversations were of a menial nature, but as this writer related, Torrence's mind was a storehouse of sexual fantasy. As it would happen, one day, he shifted the subject to one of sex.
One night, much to her dismay, Rachel found herself thinking of Torrence's sexual organs. For the first time in months, she fell asleep with her hand resting on her lower abdomen.
In the following chapters we shall see just how Bertha's and Torrence's arrival on the scene further changed this young girl's life.
CHAPTER FOUR
ENTER TORRENCE AND BERTHA K.
As we have seen in the previous chapter, Rachel was once more beginning to feel sexual urges-a new twist of her mind was causing her to dwell on the sex organs of the paraplegic Torrence.
In addition, the more that Rachel listened to the erotic sounds coming from Floe's room, the more curious she became to watch Floe and Bertha in the act of lesbian love. And, Floe and Bertha made no effort to hide their relationship. There were many times when Bertha's flashing eyes caught Floe's. Rachel was not really jealous, she was more envious of the affair that was going on between the pair.
"I didn't exactly dislike Bertha," said Rachel. "I just felt put out about Floe's moving her into her room. Another thing was that at night I could hear them petting and making love. Floe's soft voice would drift through the door into my room, and I could well imagine the pleasures that Bertha was giving to her. Bertha was good looking too. She was taller than either Floe or myself and about twenty seven years old. She wore her hair in a short mannish crop, but there was nothing mannish about her figure. Bertha was built real well. She had real big juicy looking tits-sometimes I thought they might pop right out of her uniform!"
To understand the mechanism of what was taking place in Rachel is most important, for actually she detested Bertha K. Her feelings regarding the woman bordered on kleptomania much in the same manner that one develops a fetishism. You see, to Rachel, the woman was a possession of Floe, and though Rachel was only beginning to desire sex again, she was still much in need of Floe's affection. There is no question that this need for affection was the main precipitating cause to make Rachel want to fondle Torrence's organs.
"I was just plain lonesome," said Rachel. "I would lie there in my bed at night listening to Bertha and Floe-then the first thing you know, I would be thinking about Torrence's sex organs. I had begun to play with myself again-not like I had before, but in a gender manner. I mainly just rubbed the external portions of my genitalia. Only rarely would I insert anything into me. I was able to get to an orgasm by just rubbing myself, listening to the sex sounds from the next room, and thinking of Torrence.
"Up to that time I had not seen his penis. He took care of his own sanitary needs-as you know, paraplegics wear a catheter to urinate, and I became obsessed with the idea of seeing how it fitted onto Torrence's penis.
"I don't know what came over me-perhaps it was as much Torrence's fault as mine. Goddam, but I must have still been crazy as hell! Anyway, when Floe moved that other woman into the room with her, she didn't seem to have time for me any more-Torrence and I started spending more and more time together. I suppose it was only natural that eventually we'd talk about sex.
"I felt sorry for Torrence-hell, he was perfect from the waist up, and nothing hardly from there on down! He had absolutely no feeling in his legs, as you know. That didn't keep his mind from working overtime though-that boy-hell no, that man wanted some sex worse than anyone I have ever seen! I was really wanting some myself by then, but the odd thing about it was that I wanted some of Torrence. There was something about the thought of sex with that sexless soul that made me get a real charge!"
Rachel went on to relate how she and Torrence began to talk more and more about sex. One day when they were alone, he told her about an incident that he had been involved in. At the time of the conversation he was twenty and Rachel was seventeen.
She listened intently as he told her of how he had been asked to look after his cousin-a most attractive young girl of fifteen, but suffering from mental retardation. As Torrence described her, she had the mentality of about a seven-year-old child though her physical development was quite on a par with her age. At the time, Torrence had been sixteen and himself in excellent physical condition.
"I used to stay with Betty quite a bit," he told Rachel. "She was a nice kid-just like a baby. Honest, if she didn't open her mouth you wouldn't have known anything was wrong with her. She was built real fine-I mean she was really fully developed.
"Anyway, she had a favorite game, jacks-you know, the game you play with a little ball and the little metal things. Well, we were playing jacks while we were waiting for her folks to arrive back home. She got so excited that she just happened to let her legs open up. Poor kid, I know she didn't have any idea of sex or anything like that. That didn't help the situation though, because I was looking straight into her pussy!"
Torrence's eyes glittered as he went on recounting the episode.
"Like I was saying," he continued, "She happened to open up her legs, and I found myself looking straight into it. I had noticed her figure before, but I had not really thought about any sex with her because I was afraid that in her retarded state that she might blurt it out to her folk. That would have been my sore ass if she had. Right then though, when I got a full view of her snatch I wouldn't have given a damn who she told. I could see it all, even with her panties on, because they had bunched up in the crotch, sort of between her thigh and her pussy."
As Torrence went on with his recital of the episode, Rachel found herself becoming aroused. Almost without thinking, she placed one of her hands on his withered loins. He only looked at her and laughed though and assured her that there was no feeling in them whatsoever. Nevertheless she kept her hand in its position. Torrence continued, his face contorted in distress as he obviously remembered back to the days when he was a whole male.
"Betty didn't seem to notice that I could see up her dress. She just kept on playing jacks and I kept on looking up her ass! Her pussy was fully covered with hair, but I could see where the lips parted a little. I got on a real hard. You may have some idea of how I felt, if you can imagine a full grown pussy-a full grown body and all of it, with the mind of a child! I wasn't very experienced at that time, but I'd finger-fucked one girl-I had also frigged one of the boys of the neighborhood in the ass. I just couldn't help myself though-I reached over and put my hand up her dress. She was so intent on playing the game that she hardly seemed to notice except that she did squirm a little when my hand got on it!"
As Torrence continued to tell Rachel of the incident, she could feel her genitals becoming wet, and there was a strong desire for some sex. She moved her hand to clutch Torrence's penis tightly.
"I could feel the tube of his catheter," she said.
"And though he warned me not to remove it from his penis I did so anyway. I got the most intense feeling of power when I felt his penis. It was cool feeling-not cool like a hippie would mean-but honestly cool, temperature-wise. It was limber too. I kept on squeezing it between my fingers while Torrence talked about his seduction of his cousin."
"As I was saying," said Torrence. "I reached over and put my hand on her pussy. I could feel the warm dampness of her crotch. Honest, Rachel, I had no intention of doing anything to her except to play with her snatch. But when I got my hand on it and she didn't resist, I began to get other thoughts on my mind. I tried to fingerfuck her, but she backed away and sort of snickered-you know, like a kid will do.
"I had a hell of a hard-on by then though and I wanted to really have some sex. I asked her if she liked what I was doing-she giggled again and nodded. I said something to her about taking off her panties, he told me that her mother had told her not to ever do that. I kept on after her though, and pretty soon I convinced her that she would have a good feeling in her pussy if she would let me play with her.
"I knew I had a couple of hours left before the folks got back home so I talked her in to going into the bedroom where I undressed her. She still didn't have any idep about anything sexual being involved. But kid, when I got to kissing her on the tits, she got wound up!"
Torrence told Rachel that he then spread his cousins legs and managed to insert his little finger into her.
"I didn't draw any blood," he said. "That is, when I used my little finger. I thought she was going to explode, though when I used my middle finger. I suppose her bodily functions were really raising hell, because she got to riding down hard on my hand. I then told her that I had something between my own legs that she would really like. In her childish manner, she asked me what it was, and I told her that it was a present that I was going to let her have. She was really curious about the whole thing. I took off my pants and she was fascinated by my dick. I had on a real raging hard and I couldn't wait.
"I got her down on the floor. She asked me what I was going to do, and I told her that I was going to give her the present. By then her pussy was wet, but she still hadn't started any bleeding. I got on top of her-I tried to be as easy as I could on her, but I got carried away. After the tip of my prick started entering her I just rammed it in. She took me fine! That lit tie gal got her nuts off without any trouble. It was a shame, the way she was talking like a small child, and at the same time fuckin' like a professional whore. I felt like a bastard for what I was doing, but that didn't stop me in the least. It's a damned wonder that she didn't get pregnant!"
After the initial act of coitus was over, Torrence asked Betty if she would like to taste his penis. The young girl hesitated, but he told her that if she would taste it, she would grow up to be beautiful. In her simplicity, the girl did take his penis into her mouth, and in a very short while, accepted his full ejaculation as if it were the most normal thing in the world.
"Honest to God, Rachel," Torrence said as she became more aroused, "you just wouldn't have believed it! That kid sucked me dry! When it was over, I decided that I would eat her pussy. I never had done it before, but I just wanted to do it for some damned reason. I caught her clitoris between my teeth and nibbled it rapidly. Well she got her nuts off again! I came myself from the sheer excitement of the moment!"
During the course of Torrence's recounting of the tale, Rachel was becoming very aroused. She asked Torrence if he would mind if she committed fellatio upon him. He advised her that it would do little good for him, for he was unable to have an ejaculation. That made no difference to Rachel however. She was very excited, and immediately bent to his penis.
"I felt funny," she said. "I felt like I was doing something to a corpse! Hell, Torrence was alive, but still there was something about his flacid penis that made me come right off the bat. I sucked him for a full ten minutes, I know. Then I asked him if he felt up to doing cunnilingus on me. He said that he would if I wanted him to. I knew that we would have to go into my room. I had a table in there that I could get on so that he could roll his chair up to get to me. Besides that, I didn't know when to expect Floe and Bertha back. I didn't want Floe to find out about Torrence and myself. I still don't know why, but I was getting a sort of revenge for the way she was behaving with Bertha. It was like I was stealing something right under her nose.
"Torrence and I went into the room, and I got up on the table. I didn't take off my dress, only my panties. The feeling of that table, cold against my naked butt, was something else! I spread my legs real wide and Torrence rolled up to where he could get his mouth onto my pussy. He may have been dead from the waist down, but he had a tongue that wouldn't quit! I mean he really was able to accomplish insertion of it into my vagina. While he was doing that, he put his thumb into my anus!
"I asked him if he would pinch my buttocks, and he did. I wanted him to rip me-to tear me. I rode down heavy onto his probing hand. My God, I got an orgasm then! I had forgotten how wonderful it was to experience such a thing. It was a beautiful one, even if it was being caused by poor sexless Torrence!"
Rachel went on to tell the medico how rabid Torrence became even though he could not reach an orgasm. She told of how he kept up his tonguing of her until she reached a stage of having multiple orgasm. Underneath her buttocks the table became soaked with her lubrication as well as Torrence's saliva.
"My God!" she said excitedly as she remembered the event. "I thought he was literally going to eat me alive. All the time he was sticking his tongue into me he was moaning and smacking. The sounds were like the ones that I remembered from the time I did it with Erin and with my brother. But hell, like everything that I had done lately, things went wrong. I was so wild with passion and satisfaction that I didn't even hear the sound of footsteps entering the house. Shit, the first think I knew, I was looking into Bertha's surprised face.
"The bitch! She had her nerve just walking into my room. I asked her what the hell she wanted, but she only gave me a sarcastic grin and knowing smile. I was afraid that she might fink out on me to Floe, but she didn't. Floe had not come back home with her. Well, anyway, she just stood there for a few minutes and then left the room. Torrence didn't know what to say. I think he was about as shocked as I have ever seen anyone. His mouth was all slick with my juice and his spit. I looked at him for a moment, and then we were both laughing. What the hell, after getting caught there wasn't much else to do was there!"
But Bertha had no intention of informing Floe about the scene between Rachel and Torrence. In the next few days, Rachel found herself under piercing scrutiny as Bertha's lesbian gaze stayed upon her. Floe was her usual charming self, and if she noticed anything she made no overture about it. But every time that Rachel and Bertha were alone, Bertha would take every advantage to brush against Rachel or make some other such move to have her intention known.
"I knew she was putting the make on me," Rachel confessed. "I didn't know exactly what move to make. There was no doubt about it, the woman was arousing me. I began to take stock of her attributes. There was a certain bulge to her rear that made me want to reach out and touch her there. As I told before, she had real groovy breasts. I wanted to take the nipples of them in my mouth. I wanted to feel them under the flicking of my tongue. Still, I definitely did not wish to antagonize Floe."
But then, almost as if fate was dealing its own hand, Floe had to attend a nursing seminar, which left Rachel and Bertha together most of the time.
"I had no pretentions by then," said Rachel. "I had even began to return Bertha's longing looks. Not only that, but nightly, I was masturbating, and then when I got the opportunity, I would have Torrence let me suck him off or either he would eat me-I say suck Mm off, but of course that's a wrong statement. I just liked to have his penis in my mouth.
"When Floe began attending the seminar, she hadn't been out of the house an hour before Bertha made her approach to me. I was in my room preparing to start the day, when in came Bertha. She walked right up to me and put one of her arms about me. Bertha was taller than I, and the way she pulled me to her, my face was just above those sexy breasts. I made no attempt to resist but pressed my face into her tightly. She began to make sounds like she was enjoying it all, and then I felt her hand going up my skirt. I wanted to scream out to her to take me, but there wasn't any need for that. There was no need for any sort of persuasion. It was only seconds until we were locked in a violent embrace, and I felt her tongue in my mouth. She asked me if I would like to have her do cunnilingus on me. Like to have her do it! Hell, I was frantic with desire! We undressed, and I noticed the rounding curve of her stomach. Her hair was completely black, and the bushy vee near her cunt caused me to want to rub mine against it. We took a position on the bed-both of us spread out legs so that we could make contact with our pussies. It had been so long since I had been with a woman that I came off almost at once.
"Bertha was groaning and rubbing her pussy against mine like it was going out of style. When she got her gun, she took one of her hands and looked to me like she was trying to spread the lips of her pussy until she split herself wide open.
"I thought Floe and I had made love properly, but it was nothing like the way Bertha and I did it! She went into her room, and returned with a double ended dildo. We got back into our former position, and each of us had about seven inches of the artificial phallas in our cunts. She bore down onto me and I could feel the thing grooving into my cervix. Got, I hadn't had anything like that in one hell of a time!"
Rachel continued her loathsome description, and said that after that, she had the desire to be spanked, and Bertha was more than accommodating. Bertha gave a different twist to it, however. She whipped Rachel with a coat hanger. She whipped her solidly, causing red lines to appear across her throbbing buttocks. Then Rachel reciprocated by doing the same thing to her.
"I had her crying with pain and pleasure," Rachel recounted. "I hit her so hard that little veins were even rupturing. We were both nearly wild with passion by the time we fell into each others' arms exhausted.
"That night I could hear Floe and Bertha moaning in each other's arms. I went to the double doors dividing our rooms, and peeked.
"They were in an ass-to-ass position-I think they were trying to do mutual anal intercourse with the dildo. They must have been succeeding, because I saw them shoving their buttocks together fiercely. When they finished that, they rested for a little while. I could see the red of Floe's pubic hair, and for the first time in a long time I was consumed with desire for her. I masturbated right there as I watched! The next thing they did though really set my crazy. Bertha took a position straddling Floes breasts, and as I watched, Floe tried to insert the nipple of one of her breasts into Bertha's pussy! When that was over, Floe straddled Bertha in a like manner, and Bertha did the same thing for her.
"I didn't sleep much that night. I needed some more sex. I sneaked into Torrence's room. He was asleep, but not for long. I didn't even bother to ask him to let me do fellatio. I just fell to the job. I removed his catheter and took his penis into my lips. He did his best for me by allowing me to spread his legs and tongue his testicles. Then I sat on his face-that's right-I sat right down on his mouth. He was having trouble breathing, but he managed. I asked him if he would lick my anus. He did-he licked me all the way from my rear cleavage up the lips of my vulva. I reached a glorious climax!"
At this point in Rachel's life, obviously, she was becoming highly perverted, her body demanding more and ever more sex.
In the home, the nursing home, there were some elderly persons. Rachel found herself desirous of one elderly man in particular. His name was George, and he was approaching sixty-five. He was not senile, but in the lechery of increasing age, he never missed the chance to grab for Rachel. This delighted her, and soon, she was returning his touch. In Rachel's frank recital of her seduction of George, the following took place:
"I went to George's room one day," said Rachel. "He was trying to get up an erection when I walked in on him. I suppose I had him all flared up from my constant teasing.
"Anyway, he had it out-his penis, and he was looking down at it. It was nice-sized, but awfully limber. At first he looked surprised, but then when he saw that I wasn't running out of the room he looked at me and smiled-I smiled back at him and walked over to him. He was anticipating my every move and thought. He had already released his penis by the time I reached down and closed my hand around it and his testicles. Before I went any further though I locked the door. I knew that Floe would be angry if she caught me fooling around with George. Hell, she was having her good times with Bertha wasn't she-I could see no reason that I shouldn't be getting some kicks myself. George was ready too, that is, he was after I fondled his penis for a little while.
"I would never have believed an old man like him could get such an erection, but he did. I'll bet that when he was young he was a real stud. But I didn't just want plain sex. I wanted to do it to him in his anus. He didn't much like that idea-he wanted it the usual way. I kept fooling around with his testicles though, and then let my hand dawdle under his nuts, right in his crotch. By applying pressure to the seminal canal I got his penis as stiff as a board. It was long, rigid and throbbing. When I had him going really good, I let him put his hand up my dress. He ran a finger right into my vagina. I experienced an immediate orgasm.
"Then I told George to bend over the side of his bed. I probed his anus with a finger searching for his prostate gland. When I mashed on it, he got a dribbling discharge for his penis. I withdrew my finger, and using the flat of my palm I whacked him a solid lick across his buttocks! He wasn't prepared for that, and I guess that it hurt the hell out of him! I was glad though, and when he grunted under another slap I got another orgasm.
"George wasn't going to be put off though-I found that out in a hurry. For an elderly man he was as strong as a bull! When I gave him that last swat on the buttocks, he turned on me like a ferocious animal and grabbed my uniform near the neck-line. With one quick, forceful movement, he ripped it from my body. There I stood almost naked before his glaring stare. He laughed real soft, like he was really having a ball-and then he tore the rest of my clothes off!
"I was surprised, but I liked it! I began to tremble all over-hell, by the time he got me to the bed I was ready for a prick as big as a fireplug!"
In the following hour, Rachel had her hands full, but she was equal to the task. The elderly patient George inserted his penis into her waiting cavern, and stroked her masterfully. Then he withdrew and performed cunnilingus on her.
"The old man was a master at sex," declared Rachel. "He knew how to do it all-another thing that surprised me was that he was able to keep his erection up. Hell if anyone had asked me about that I would have told them that they were a fool! Nevertheless, it stayed up like a barber-pole.
"During our second normal coitus, though, he got short of breath and asked me if I would mount him from the top. I did, but I didn't mount his penis facing him. I was anal-erotic at the time and climbed onto his penis in coitus a posteriori. In this position I could feel the heat of his aging abdomen against my buttocks. Not only that, but in that position he could pinch my rump. This brought out definite sensation of satisfaction. I also could reach down and tickle his nuts without any difficulty.
"All in all, this was one of the most satisfying sexual episodes I had ever enjoyed!"
Actually, though, when Rachel was in the act of normal coitus, she was in effect really using a masturbatory technique, wherein she was really substituting the old man George for an artificial penis. Further, in this particular episode tendancies of masochism, narcissism and infantilism were manifesting themselves.
Rachel was well aware of her narcissistic urges and her masochistic drives. She knew that she was not of the so-called normal, but this bothered her little, if any at all. As a matter-of-fact, she was delighted by the fact that she could bring on an episode a la solo. Her narcissistic manifestations were pointed up by the fact that she was becoming, at the age of about eighteen, able to bring on an orgasm by viewing herself before a mirror. We have already pointed out that she was definitely an anal erotic, and now we point out that she was extremely penis-conscious-witness the episode heretofore related, wherein Rachel was extremely aroused by the sub-normal penis of Torrence.
Rachel was becoming much more daring in her methods of sexual gratification, and spent a great deal of time bathing the genitals of her charges-either that, or she would give them little needed enemas.
Also, she was beginning to day-dream about Torrence's retarded cousin, Betty. She would depict a vicarious session between them, much the same as the story that Torrence had related. She and the girl would be playing a game of jacks, but here, her fantasy would change from the original. Instead of the girl's vulva becoming exposed, Rachel would see her own genitals exposed. The girl would perceive Rachel's opening vulva and ask her what it was. Rachel would imagine that she would tell the girl that it was a piece of cake-some candy, or some other such edible concoction. Also, in her ribald fantasy, Rachel would depict herself telling the girl that her sex organs possessed a magical quality. The episodes were always accompanied by Rachel's violent masturbatory technique of putting anything she could find into her vagina. Then she would imagine her own body as that of the retarded child. She would inflict pain on herself, but in her mind, the pain was being inflicted upon Torrence's cousin.
Rachel had come upon a new switch also. She had read of the rin-no-tama, an ingenious device invented in the Orient. It is an instrument used for autoerotic practices among masturbating women. Basically, the rin-no-tama can be described as follows:
Two brass balls are employed-about the size of pecans or pigeon eggs; one is hollow, but the other ball contains an inner rubber ball, or else is loaded with a heavy liquid similar to mercury or quick silver. The hollow ball is first inserted into the vagina and pressed inward until force is applied to the mouth of the cervix. Then the other ball-the one loaded with mercury-is inserted until it rests against the former one. The two objects are held snugly inside of the vagina by a paper tampon. The slightest muscular contraction or movement causes the balls to vibrate rapidly.
By moving the pelvic area, the vibrations from the loaded ball are transferred to the hollow one. This vibration causes a prolonged pleasure sensation, and this instrument in the vagina of an experienced user can nearly always produce an extremely powerful orgasm. One of the most advantageous qualities of the instrument is that it can be used in public.
Unable to locate a genuine rin-no-tama, Rachel in her wild desire devised her own. First she bought several plastic table-tennis balls. One she used just as she had purchased it. The other, however, she pierced with a nail file and filled with quicksilver. Then she taped over the hole in the ball with surgical tape. Now she was ready. She inserted the hollow ball as she had read in one of her manuals on autoerotic practices. When it was tightly against the cervix, she pressed the filled ball in until they touched. After that came a tampon. But unlike brass, plastic had not the vibratory characteristics, and Rachel was greatly disappointed. Though she twisted her hips with all her might, she could not get the desired effect. There was some pleasurable sensation, but it was not sharp enough-there was not enough pain involved. She tried putting more table-tennis balls into her vagina, but this helped not at all. In her desire Rachel calculated that the balls were not rough enough-either that or they were not heavy enough.
Back to town she went. This time, she purchased golf balls-balls without the resiliency of plastic. Back in her room, she stripped off her clothes, and laid with her open crotch facing her mirror. In this position she could take note of her privates in true narcissistic fashion. She began her act by titillating her clitoris, and then when the lips of her genitals were exuding their natural juices she would place her fingers into her mouth. During all of this-a practiced act-she experienced the most voluptuous sensations not only in her vagina, but in her mind and anal area as well.
She continued on with this autoerotic practice until she had achieved two orgasms, the second more fierce than the first.
During this manipulation of her privates, she used one hand for tickling her clitoris and vagina, while with the other she played with two of the golf balls.
"While I was doing this I used my free hand to rub my lower abdomen like Floe had taught me. I got another orgasm off. When that happened, my pussy just seemed to open up and beg for those golf balls! Altogether, I got five of them in, except that the last one was about half outside of the lips. Just laying there looking at my opened crotch with that little bit of white in the lips of my pussy gave me another idea. I donned a sanitary napkin and pulled it up tight. Then I put on a girdle. I had things so tightly pressed both in my vagina and against my clitoris that my slightest movement of my hips or buttocks gave me a sharp sensation of both pleasure and pain.
"I had to laugh at Floe and Bertha. I had a delicious secret! Here they were, going about waiting for nightfall to have relations, and I was getting orgasm after orgasm by just walking around!"
But Rachel had little to laugh about for very long, for she entered into an episode with one of the patients that changed her entire course of life. The patient was a female-a woman who had lost her voice due to a stroke. She was approximately forty-five years of age, and outside of her vocal infirmity, she was in reasonably good health. There were times however when it was required for one of the practitioners of the home to give her a whirlpool bath for the stimulation of her muscles. Floe generally did that, having more experience in the massaging than did Rachel or Bertha. Once, however, Rachel got a chance to watch one of the bathings. The experience aroused her, and she began to plan on her own. She knew that she would have to administer the bath while Floe was out-Bertha also, if possible, for she and Bertha were no longer on good terms.
"As you know, Floe was no prude," said Rachel, "but one thing she would not stand for was any altercation with one of the patients-nor would she stand for any mistreatment of them. I had been lucky to get away with what I had done so far-I didn't want to press my luck.
"So I waited until one day when Bertha and Floe were both gone. I had my golf balls up in me and I was already aroused. I went into the woman's room-her name was Clara, and she was seated in a rocker listening to the radio. When I entered she looked up and smiled. She had a tender smile-almost loving. I asked her if she was ready for her bath, and she gave me a puzzled look. I knew that she had already had it, but I went to her tub and filled it. She was acquiescent about going into the bathroom with me, and even made no resisting move when I began to undress her.
"I had her take a seat on the commode, and I started with her shoes. From where I was kneeling in front of her I could see right up her dress-clear to her pussy. I wanted to reach up to her crotch so badly that I didn't know what to do, but I decided that I had better play it gentle. I took quite a while though to take off her shoes, and used every opportunity to look into her crotch!
"I checked the rest of her lower anatomy at the same time. Where the crease of her buttocks met the hem of her panties excited me very much. I told her to stand up. She did, and I unzipped the back of her dress-the water in the tub was still running, and this sound combined with the thoughts in my mind caused me to let my hands linger a bit as I went about the job of undressing her."
Rachel went on to say that when she did this, that is, let her hands linger on the woman's body, she met with her first resistance. Clara turned away from her and made a grunting noise. Rachel was determined, though, and even the sounds of the resisting woman caused her to become more aroused.
"I told her to go on and get into the tub," said Rachel, "but she covered her genitals with one hand and tried to cover her breasts with the other. I took her by the arm-she was no match for me-I guess she knew it because she quit grunting and sat down in the whirling water.
"I began very methodically to massage her legs. There wasn't too much water in the tub, and no soap at all, so I had no difficulty in seeing her pubic hair. I started at her ankles and worked my way up her legs to the thighs. When I looked up once, she looked frightened but made no sound. I naturally took this as an indication that she was through resisting. I moved my hands from her thighs and began to massage her back. Gradually I worked my hands around to her chest and commenced to massage her breasts. Those golf balls were really doing a job for me, and I had a difficult time controlling my anxiety. I did, though-I kept massaging her gently-making no drastic moves. Pretty soon I could feel her heart beating faster and her breathing becoming a little more labored.
"I stopped playing with her breasts and moved my hand back down to her legs. I felt her open them some and I knew that I had her. I began to titillate her clitoris. She wasn't fighting me then-hell no she wasn't. I could feel her legs open wider, and then she was raising her pelvic area to my every thrust. I was in a hell of a fix though. I still had on that damned girdle along with the rest of my paraphernalia. I had fears about being caught, but by then, I was past the point of turning back. I kissed her squarely on the lips-she responded by kissing me back, and then I felt the wetness of her hand creeping uncertainly up my own inner thighs.
"I immediately stopped what I was doing and took off everything. I know she was surprised when she saw one of the golf balls fall to the floor. I asked her if she would like to have one or two put into her, and she nodded-poor thing, all she could do was grunt, groan and nod. Anyway. I got her to stand up, and I tried to get one of the balls up into her pussy. You would have thought I was shoving a hot poker into her. She groaned loudly and pulled away. Right then, I went crazy. I had been able to get in a finger, but she obviously had had little or no vaginal manipulation-she was still as tight as a drum. I told her to settle down, and I tried another shove with one of the balls. It still hurt her though, and I soaped her pussy down real good.
"After that, I was able to get one in. She began to rotate her hips, and her face took on a dreamy smile. I knew that she was getting it and getting it good. I didn't even bother to ask, but probed her anus with my fingers. She really grunted then. I didn't wait, I just shoved a finger all the way up into her ass. We must have been a really odd looking pair right at that moment-me on my knees-she with her legs spread and trying to turn her ass to me so that I could get better anal penetration.
"I wasn't getting any satisfaction though-no real satisfaction. I wanted to inflict more pain onto her eager body-I wanted to hear her grunt. I wondered if she would, or could stand a whip ping. Not waiting, I grabbed a small towel. I wet it and popped her good-right across that quivering ass! She screamed-that is, she let out a piercing groan. I hit her again. She wasn't wanting any of that though, and tried to run from the room. When she did, she slipped to the floor. I knew I was just about insane-I shouldn't have kept it up, but I was getting orgasm after orgasm. I looked down at her cringing form, remembering when Floe had been forced to submit to my father's desires."
Rachel went on beating her patient-whipping the woman across her back, buttocks, and breasts. She whipped the woman until small bloody marks began to appear on her skin. By then, she was ravenous, and fell to the prostrated form of the patient. In Rachel's garbled testimony, the following took place:
"I fell to cunnilingus, disregarding the whimpers of the woman. When I was finished with that, my nose was on her vulva and my tongue searching for her anus. But then another idea came into my mind. I decided to give her an enema-not just a normal one though, I decided to really fill her up! She was heavy, and limp as a rag, but I managed to get her onto her stomach. We used regular old-fashioned enema bags, and I filled one to the brim. But instead of inserting the nozzle into her anus, I shoved it into mine! As I let the water flow into me to the point of pain, I experienced an explosive climax. I threw myself face down upon her body and felt the rounding curve of her wet buttocks pressing into my abdomen.
"She soon began to squirm as I filled her bowels to capacity. This didn't stop me though. I held the nozzle tigthly into her anus, and spanked her hard with my open palms. Soon she was crying out loud. I let the tube blow out of her and watched intently as the fluid poured out in a horizontal geyser!"
Rachel was indeed rabid by then-so rabid in fact that she was still torturing her patient (and that is the only word for what she was doing) when Floe and Bertha came upon her. When they walked into the bathroom where Rachel and Clara were, Rachel was sitting on the small of Clara's back facing her buttocks, he was pounding the woman with the abandon of a whirling dervish. Floe lunged at the girl and dragged her from Clara's back.
"You little slut!" she cried out and slapped Rachel's face.
"Shit!" declared Rachel. "I was so goddam wound up by then that even Floe's slap caused me to get an orgasm!"
But that was the last orgasm Rachel was able to get in Floe's nursing home. Floe expelled her on the spot. Not without giving her funds to begin her own course into the world-but nevertheless, she threw out the budding practical nurse.
"Shit, I was glad to go," said Rachel. "I was tired of all the crap! Another thing-I was tired of wanting something and not being able to have it!"
A good commentary at this point is to rephrase Rachel's statement-it was not what she wanted and could not have-it was what she never had been able to accept before-it was the fact that Rachel was incapable of accepting genuine love. Not only could she not accept genuine love and affection, but she was also really unable to accept the artificiality of the type of love that she was getting. Rachel was a classic schizoid type.
In the following chapter we shall see how she actually developed into a confirmed sadist, enthralling herself with all of the perverted forms of punishment extant-that is, as we know them. Her frank, candid, recorded account continues.
CHAPTER FIVE
MRS. T., THE HEALER
When Rachel was expelled from Floe's nursing home she had not really a place to go. Floe, as we have pointed out, did give the girl some funds-it amounted to a little over one hundred dollars-but this certainly is not enough to carry one over the financial hurdles of life for a very long period of time.
The first thing Rachel did was to find herself a room. She did not do this by consulting the classified section of the local paper, but in her usual impulsive manner, she walked into the first home that bore a sign heralding "Rooms for Rent." While this was not exactly another mistake, it was a contributing factor to the things that befell this poor child at a later date.
Her new landlady was one Mary L., a petite woman of middle years with a figure well preserved. When Mary asked Rachel what her profession was, Rachel replied that she was a nurse from a neighboring community.
When Rachel told the woman this, the landlady gave her a discerning stare, but Rachel did not notice anything out of line in the woman's manner of action-or if she did, she did not later recall it.
"I couldn't even think by then," said Rachel. "The landlady seemed most considerate, and I jumped at the chance to put a roof over my head. Besides, I was actually worn out from the altercation with Clara-and then also I was pretty sore from the beating Floe had given me.
"I went immediately to my room, but I couldn't sleep. My mind went right back to thoughts of Betty, Torrence's retarded cousin. I kept thinking about how her pussy must have looked under her skirt. I kept thinking about how it must have smelled up near her crotch. The first thing I knew, I had a finger in my anus and one of my hairbrush handles in my vagina!
"I actually contemplated suicide. I was as miser able as hell-I couldn't get sex off of my mind, but more often than not my feelings of guilt were returning. I decided that I would talk to a minister-a rabbi-a priest-hell, man, right then I would have talked to Hitler!"
Rachel was upset-terribly upset. And she did go in search of solace. Her religious background had not been very much, and on Sunday morning she picked the first church-actually a big tent-she came upon.
"It was a non-denominational sort of church, a revivalist thing," said Rachel. "Anyway there was music coming out of the tent and it sounded peaceful to me. I went in and took a chair in the back. There was a youngish, good-looking man on the platform. He was waving his arms and shouting. The people were all chanting something or the other and stomping their feet.
"I didn't know what else to do, so I joined in with them. Before I left the rooming house though, I had put in my golf balls and they were giving me fits! Every time I would pat my foot or otherwise make a move I would approach an orgasm.
"Well, all of the congregation kept on singing for a little while, and then this young man commenced to shout and preach. All of a sudden one of the young girls in there started running up and down the aisle and screaming. The next thing I knew, she was rolling on the floor alongside where I was sitting. I could see her legs-they were tremendously white and soft-looking-she was kicking them up in the air, and yelling something I couldn't understand.
"I just kept on looking at her flaying legs and her moving lips. I had never seen anything like it. It was only a matter of seconds until she was ripping the clothes off her jerking young body!"
Rachel then told how the girl had completely torn her clothes off before the entire congregation.
"They were all like mad dogs," Rachel related, her face distraught. "They gathered in a circle around the girl. She was oblivious to them-she just kept on rubbing herself all over. Her breasts were young but full, and she had a tremendous amount of real dark hair between her legs. She was so carried away that I thought she was going to have a sexual attack. As for me, I had already forgotten about coming there to see the preacher. The more I continued to look at the wiggling girl the more upset and aroused I became! I felt like jumping up and down myself.
"Well, the man who was preaching come down to where the girl was wallowing. He took off his coat and covered her figure-I could have throttled him. I could feel my golf balls straining against the mouth of my cervix and the tightness of my contracting vaginal muscles. I knew that I was going to die if I didn't get some relief.
"The preacher ushered the girl to the back of the altar, and they went through the folds of a red curtain. The rest of the people began leaving the church, but not before they all passed an offering plate. God, I had never seen so much money! But money wasn't on my mind. I was still terribly upset, and felt the need for a decent conversation as well as for some sexual relief. I decided I would go to the rear of the church and see if I could talk with someone. At least, I figured I might catch another glimpse of the naked girl.
"I went to the rear of the altar-I didn't just walk through the curtain though. I stopped at the folds of it and called out to whomever was inside."
Rachel had fully expected either the young man or the girl to come out, but instead a wizened old hag answered her call.
"Damn, but she was a horrible-looking thing!" said Rachel. "I sure as hell didn't want to talk to her, but when she spoke to me her voice didn't fit her face. Her voice fairly flowed out of her wrinkled lips-it was soft, tender, almost like a rush of cool air. 'What is it you need, My child?' she asked. At once I felt more at ease."
Rachel did not really know how to tell the old hag about her problem. The old woman appeared to be insistent, however, and induced Rachel through the folds of the curtain. She found herself in a small dim-lit alcove.
In addition to her, the young man was there-also the young girl who had denuded herself, except that by now she was clad in a loosely fitting smock-not so loose, though, that Rachel couldn't see her young curves. Besides those two, there were another woman and two other men. There was a shuffle to hide the money that was being counted. Rachel assumed it was the money that had been taken up at the door. The old hag asked Rachel to have a seat and motioned the others away from the alcove. When they were alone, the woman again faced Rachel-again, she asked the troubled young girl the nature of her problem.
"I don't know how she knew I had a problem," said Rachel. "That is unless it was the distressed look I had, not only from desire and feelings of guilt but for the pressure of the golf balls against my cervix. I had reached a delicious orgasm just as the services had concluded, and the pain of my pelvic area was severe. I suppose I just blurted out my problem. I thought the old woman might have been shocked. But she wasn't in the least shocked.
She reached out to me and placed one of her hands on the back of my shaking wrist.
"The touch of her hand on mine was cool, refreshing, but for a fleeting moment I had the feeling of touching the hand of a corpse. I also thought about how cool Torrence's penis had been to my touch and to my mouth. Another thing that I'll never forget was the way that the old woman looked at me. Her eyes were deep, penetrating; yet at the same time I felt as if our souls were meeting."
Rachel's opinion of the woman had changed rapidly. Some of her former anxiety and desire were dissolving. She stayed and talked for a full half hour. She even offered to leave some money with the old woman, whose name she had learned was Mrs. T. But Mrs. T. told her that nothing was required. She bade her to return the following day.
When Rachel returned the next afternoon, her feet were sore from job-hunting, but in a few short moments, Mrs. T. had her soothed again. Rachel told her of her new problem of unemployment. Mrs. T. had a ready answer. She explained to Rachel that it would indeed please her if she would join the staff of the Tabernacle-as the place was called-in carrying out their work of helping troubled souls. Rachel jumped at the chance. She little tried to fathom the woman's reason for trying to be kind, but something about the gnarled creature made Rachel trust her.
"It didn't take me long to find out some things though," said Rachel. "I found out that these people were running a skin game. I wasn't upset over that, however, because I liked Mrs. T., and besides, the young man, the preacher, who also had a smattering of medical education, was terribly attractive. The money was good too, and in addition I had rationalized that I was doing good for someone after so long a time of selfish pleasures, all self-indulgent in nature."
Rachel's job with the group was to throw a howling fit every so often, just as the young girl had done the first night Rachel had come to the Tabernacle. This delighted Rachel no end, for it gave her a chance to indulge in her passion for exhibitionism-a manifestation that was a fetishism behind the closed doors of her room.
"I got a real boot out of it," said Rachel. "I would scream and tear my clothes off-hell, all the yokels thought that Spirit had descended into my soul! Shit! I was wallowing in the floor getting one hell of a charge out of the way their holy eyes were looking down at my sensuous form. Sometimes I even refused to remove my sanitary napkin. The preacher-his name was Cleve did'nt much like the idea of my falling down with a sanitary napkin still on, but Mrs. T. did-she said it gave the entire performance more credibility. The other girl liked it too. Her name was Sherry.
"Sherry was beginning to go for me more and more all the time. I could tell it from the way she was beginning to look at me. She wasn't but about fourteen or fifteen, but she was something else to take a look at, She was fully developed. That is to say, her body was fully developed. Her mind was overly developed. When she wasn't getting ready to think of a new way to tear off her clothes, she was reading sex booklets-hell, once I found her with a copy of London's book on Sexual Deviations-you know, the one he did with Caprio."
It was true that Sherry was attraced to Rachel. The girl had had not much more of a life than had Rachel. She was also a creature direly in need of any form of affection. Unlike Rachel, however, Sherry was completely able to accept affection. She was the illegitimate daughter of the pianist, an elderly woman who went by the name of Rosie.
Rachel was also developing a rather strong desire to get the girl alone so that they could engage in some form of sexual activity.
"I was still living at Mary's rooming house," said Rachel, "And one afternoon, I asked Mrs. T. if it would be all right for Sherry to visit with me. She didn't suspect a thing. I don't guess she did, anyway, for she agreed to the idea immediately. I told her I had a couple of dresses the girl might be able to use.
"Sherry was delighted. I don't know if she was just happy about getting some more clothes to rip off, or if she had the same thoughts on her mind that I did.
"When we got to my room, I tried to be nonchalant when I told her to get out of her dress so that she could try on my clothes. She said something to me right off the bat about me not harboring any ideas about doing anything with her. I was flabbergasted. Here for two weeks, day in and day out she had been giving me all kinds of sexy looks, and then she was telling me I needn't have any ideas about doing anything to her!"
Rachel was becoming more sophisticated by then, however, and knew how to bide her time. She assured the cocky young girl that she had no such intention, and asked the precocious filly if she would like to go ahead with trying on the clothes. She also told the girl that she might be interested in some costume jewelry.
"I really didn't know if she would go for it or not, but she did, and real quick like she was down to her bando (teen-age bra) and her panties. I could see the fuzzy hair blooming near her crotch, and I became excited. I thanked God I had had the foresight to insert one of my golf balls! I squeezed my legs tightly while I looked at her curves-I experienced orgasm at once.
"She gleefully began to try on the clothes I was offering to let her have. One moment she would smile at me, but the next she would look like she was becoming petulant:-distrustful. I was still getting some kicks out of looking at her as she dressed and undressed. I liked the way her young buttocks looked. They were very round and full."
Here it may be pointed out that Rachel was manifesting homosexual desires again-her preoccupation with the buttocks of another female indicated that indeed, she was substituting the girls buttocks for those of Floe, or even her own. She had a strong desire to spank Sherry, but for fear of rejection, she held herself in check.
"I wanted to reach to the back of her pantiesyou know where they went across the small of her back. I remembered the time Floe had been fitting the dresses on me."
It is noteworthy here to mention the actual transference that Rachel was feeling-her substituting herself for Floe unconsciously as she had used the idea of dresses (a fetish), to lure the girl to her quarters-the fact that the hem of the girl's panties reminded her of her stepmother. She went on with her discussion of what took place.
"I kept right on getting more and more aroused. Sherry knew it too. I knew that she was teasing me. We finally finished trying on the clothes, but she made no effort to re-dress. I was hot as hell. My genitals were absolutely soaking with lubrication. I had gotten so wet that my lone golf ball had slipped down out of my vagina and the only thing holding it up was the crotch of my panties.
"Sherry walked over to my radio and flipped it on. Then she turned around to face me. I could see where her buttocks creased against the edge of the table. I wanted to kiss her right in the crack of her rear."
Sherry really began to tease Rachel then. She commenced to do a little acrobatic dance before the distraught woman. As she did, she made every portion of her anatomy available to Rachel's gaze. Unable to stand the pressure of desire, Rachel uncontrollably began to press one of her hands to the lower portion of her abdomen.
"I didn't know what kind of a game she was playing," Rachel confessed. "I couldn't help my self though. I unbuttoned the top of my dress, inserted a hand and began to rub the nipples of my breasts. Like I was saying, I was really hot. She was taking it all in too. In her eyes there was the look of the devil, and on her mouth a satisfied smile. Then it occurred to me that she was getting her kicks out of watching me suffer! I was on fire, but I decided to let her have some of her own medicine. I stopped what I was doing and told her that we had better go. She looked very disappointed, and much to my distress put her own clothes back on. I knew that I had made a mistake. I also knew I had to have some sex. I told her that I was sorry for the way I had acted and that I would give her some of the jewelry I had mentioned if she would make love to me. She only laughed though. I became infuriated and slapped her hard up side of her face. She smiled and kissed me briefly. I thought that she might have reconsidered, but before I could react, she was out of the door and gone.
"That was one time I cried. I cried my guts out. I had wanted to have that little girl more than anyone in a long time!"
Rachel undressed then. She removed her golf ball from her vagina-actually, it fell to the floor when she removed her panties-then she masturbated by titillating her clitoris. She tried to hurt herself, and after a gigantic orgasm, she went on massaging her clitoridal area lusting in the feeling of intense pain. From what she related her sexual ambivalence was unquestionably growing in strength.
Not satisfied with the pain she was stimulating in herself, Rachel went on:
"I just wasn't getting it. I went to the dresser and got some of the jewelry that I had told Sherry about. One of the pieces had a long sharp pin on the back of it. I took a place on the bed so that I could see my entire genital area as well as the folding crease of my buttocks where they joined my thighs. Using the pin, I imagined it was Sherry's hand holding it. I jabbed it into my buttocks several times. Damn! What on orgasm I finally got. This was a good method and I knew it, so I went a step further. I closed the pin and hooked the catch. Then I shoved the entire piece of jewelry into my vagina. I put on my panties and laid back on the bed thinking of Sherry. Pretty soon I got another one. When I felt it coming on, I again faced my privates to the dressing table mirror. As the orgasm increased to its peak, I relished the sight of my bleeding ass. The blood showed up as little spots on my panties. I suppose I would have gone on all afternoon had not there been a knock at the door. I didn't even bother to re-dress except for a housecoat."
Here it is apparent that Rachel was experiencing a vicarious form of kleptomania, in the insertion of the jewelry into her vagina. The jewelry representing Sherry-the pin jabbed into her buttocks, representing a probing of an imaginary penis-a sharp, hurting object. No doubt, Rachel was still punishing herself for her father's death.
When Rachel answered the door, it was the young girl, Sherry, again. She had been crying. Rachel could tell that, immediately. She thought the girl had reconsidered and come back to culminate their unsatisfactory beginning of sex. This was not the case however, as Rachel immediately learned, when the girl blurted out that the operators of the Tabernacle had been arrested for fraud. Rachel was shocked at the news. The money had been more than she had ever made in her life.
"I took Sherry into my room. I knew she was young for it," said Rachel, "But she was so upset, I gave her a small glass of brandy. Then when she was a little calmer, I asked her if she should not try to do something. She told me that Mrs. T. had issued instructions many times that if a thing of that nature ever happened, it was every man for himself. Still, the money had been real good. I had over a thousand bucks in the dresser-money I had made by howling in the Tabernacle. I told the girl to stay in the room, and I walked down to the Tabernacle. When I got there, several men from the Fire Department were already tearing down the big tent. I didn't say a word to them, I just turned around and retraced my steps back to my room. When I got there a sight met my eyes that is worth telling about.
"Sherry was howling drunk! She had consumed almost all my brandy, and was dancing about the room to the music coming from the radio. She had disrobed completely, and evidently was preparing for another teasing session at my expense. She didn't even have on her undies. Let me tell you, her figure was delicious. Her full breasts were bouncing each time she did a step, and her kicks showed me the lips of her pussy. I didn't say a word. One thing though, she wasn't going to get me all upset again.
"I took off my clothes-I undressed completely and went to her. She whirled away from me, but I caught her and pulled her to me, holding her tightly about the buttocks. Her voice was coarse when she spoke. 'Hit me!' she demanded. She begged me to hit her. 'Where?' I asked. She replied that she didn't care as long as I woulud hit her. I told her to bend over the bed. She did and I laid my flat palm to her. I beat her until she was red all across her ass. She wriggled against the bed, and I knew she was experiencing orgasm. I kept hitting her until I could see that she was through. Before she got up, though, I pressed my abdomen to her blushing butt. And then, just before I came, I put my face to her crack!"
Rachel said that the girl had evidently never experienced analingus before, because she jerked all over when her anus was stimulated.
"I did that to her for about fifteen minutes," Rachel went on. "Then I asked her if she would like to spank me. Her eyes lit up like Roman candles on the Fourth of July! I got on the floor and drew up my knees exposing my vulva and buttocks to her. She got on the floor next to me and started in. Her hands were small, but she spanked the orgasm right out of me. She played my buttocks like a tom-tom. I could hardly move when she was finished, but it had been delightful.
"I asked her if she had ever done anything with a man. I was surprised when she said that she hadn't. She admitted she had once let a boy insert a finger into her. She further admitted to me that she masturbated several times a day. I decided to give her an enema. She was against it, but another two shots of brandy. I had her bent over the commode. She winced a little when I inserted the nozzle, but then she backed onto it. I let her have the warm water. In a few seconds, she asked me to stop, but I liked her wincing. I kept it up until I knew that she was in real pain. She was liking it too even if she did ask me to stop. When I knew that she was ready to explode, I took a position behind her so that her buttocks were right in front of my stomach. Then I withdrew the nozzle from her rear. The feeling of the warmth coming out of her buttocks onto my stomach drove me crazy. I pulled her to the floor, and began to kiss her on the mouth. She responded to me like she was as ravenous as myself. I told her to remain on the floor, and I went and got my artificial penis."
Rachel returned to the bathroom, where the girl lay in ecstatic exhaustion. She was so weak from the enema that she could hardly keep her eyes open.
"That didn't matter to me," said Rachel. "I told her to open her legs-that I was going to fuck her good. When she saw the dildo, though, she clamped them together tightly. I guess she thought it was too big for her. Hell, I knew better. I remember how big an object I had been able to take when I was her age. I forced her legs open-I should have been gender I know, but I wasn't. I inserted the dildo into her, feeling her body hunch when she felt the size of the object of penetration. I didn't care though, and the touch of our bodies together was wonderful as I kept up my stroking of her. It wasn't long before she was really taking it. I felt her hands around me, and her belly rising with each of my thrusting probes. She bled a little and this further excited me to orgasm. Just as I came, I felt her tongue on my breasts, and then her tender mouth was on mine. My God, we kissed like the end of the world was coming. Then she reached her pinnacle of passion.
"Her legs went into the air, and she contracted her vagina so much that the dildo was hard for me to stroke. Her throat was emanating little gurgles, and her fingers were searching behind my buttocks. I told her to pinch the hell out of me. She did, and I got another one. Then for the first time since we had begun, I remembered the piece of jewelry inside of me. I got off and dug it out, at the same time telling her to come over to the bed.
"Once on the bed, heaven was in the room! I took a sixty-nine position on to of her, and handed her the pin. I told her to jab me in the buttocks with it-real deep-real hard. While she did this to me, I did cunnilingus to her. We both came at the same time-God, it was wonderful!"
That night, the girls slept cuddled close together. The following morning, Rachel awakened Sherry with a caress, and felt the girl's body respond immediately. They would have entered into another session of sex had not they had a caller in the person of Cleve, the young preacher from the Tabernacle. He told them that he too had been away from the Tabernacle at the time of the raid-he also told them that the case against Mrs. T., and the others was hopeless to beat. He said the Tabernacle was a thing of the past. While talking, he happened to see the dildo, which Rachel had neglected to put away.
"I knew he had seen it," said Rachel. "I really didn't give a damn for myself, but I didn't want him to think anything about Sherry was odd. He didn't say anything about it though. He had a drink of brandy, and started talking about our future. He asked me if I had any money. I told him that I had about a thousand. He said that he had about the same. Then he suggested that he, I and Sherry start another operation a little further upstate. Shit, I had nothing better to do, so I agreed. I did stipulate however that I wanted us to open a regular healer's office. In the state we were in, there was no law against that as long as you bought a license. We agreed at once, and by that afternoon, our plans were made."
We can see by now that Rachel's mind was not working properly. All that she thought about was sex and gratification of it. Her personality had reverted back to it's former state. In her own words:
"Those bastards at the State Hospital hadn't done a decent job-hell, I knew it. I was more obsessed with sex than ever. Yet, in the back of my mind something was lingering-something that made me feel guilty as hell."
In the following chapter we shall see how Rachel's deviations continued to progress-how she went from one horrendous situation to another as the fires burning within her ate at what was left of the decency within her.
CHAPTER SIX
THE FAITH HEALERS
It must be pointed out to the reader that while a great deal of this girl's aberrant behavior was learned about in recorded psycho-therapeutic interviews, another major portion of it was elicited from close personal contact by the writer-not as a psychologist, but as a friend and confidant.
Further it should be pointed out that although this writer in no way condones many of the things that Rachel was driven to do, he still is tolerant of this poor young woman, many years his junior. He trusts that as the reader peruses the following pages he may find the same tolerance-not for Rachel's actions, but for her situation and for her as a tormented mixed-up person.
Having discussed their plans, the three were ready to put them Into action-the charlatan Cleve, the psychopath Rachel, and the confused and abused child Sherry.
Rachel moved out of Mary L's. roming house, and after they purchased a rickety jalopy, the trio headed to a rather large metropolitan community in the northern part of the state. After they had purchased their license, they rented a house on the outskirts of the city. Cleve went into town, and immediately had an advertisement inserted in the major newspaper, as well as buying some enticing spots on the radio. They did not profess to be physicians-they did not even profess to be healers-the entire operation was described: Madame Rachel's Healing Parlor-She looks into your past, tells you your future-she can solve your problems-all of your problems!
That was it-that was all they advertised that they could do. They did not profess to dispense drugs-they offered no miraculous cures-but of course all of the foregoing was implied. Then they waited.
The clients soon flocked to them, and Rachel, dressed in a flowing white gown, listened to them pour out their troubles. Before the customer was admitted to Rachel's inner chambers, Cleve had already secretly transmitted to her the client's name, address, the nature of the client's problems, etc. It was a simple and beautiful system of skinning the public. They made a great deal of money, and not only that, it was a perfect opportunity for Rachel to satiate her perverse sexual desires. Rachel told how this took place. She told it to this writer in person, and the account continues from the short-hand notes:
"The first time I really did anything wrong in that business," she said through sobs, "was when a mother brought in her son. He was about twelve and he stuttered.
"The woman told me she had taken her son to many doctors, but that none had been able to cure him. As I looked at the boy, an odd feeling came over me-hell, it wasn't odd, it was the same old feeling. I got the sex urge! He was a little plump and at the first sight of his young butt, I got aroused. I didn't let on, though-I talked seriously to the woman. There was no question about it, the boy had a terrible case of stuttering. I knew I couldn't help him, but a thought occurred to me. We had several spare rooms in the house, and I decided to seduce the young fellow. I told the mother that I thought I could help him, but not as long as she was there. I told her that I would like for the boy to spend the night with me.
"The woman was obviously neurotic-In fact she was a kook-I'll explain that later. She seemed overjoyed to learn that I might be able to do something for the boy and agreed to my suggestion. It was rather late in the afternoon when she left, so I turned things over to Cleve, and took the boy upstairs. At first I tried not to frighten him. I guess I succeeded for he made no effort to resist anything I suggested. I knew Cleve knew what I had on my mind, but I didn't think he would say anything. He was about half queer-he was as big a kook as the kid's mother. Sherry was out."
Rachel's first move after she got the young man upstairs was to lock the door. Then she looked at him pleasantly and began to talk. She asked him if he was frightened and he told her no-he told her that his mother had told him it was all right and that he was to do whatever she told him to do.
Rachel related: "As I continued to talk to the young fellow, I found my eyes drifting to his groin. I saw no tell-tale bulge there, but I figured that if I could get him undressed, or even get him near me, I could get up an erection for him. I wanted it in my mouth. I really wanted to spank his ass. I wanted to hurt him I"
She went on chatting with the young man for a few more moments, and then she motioned him over to where she was seated. Beneath her flowing gown was only the sheerest array of undergarments-a thin lacy brassiere and a pair of panties of the some material When the young man stood before her, she reached out and took him by his hand. Finding no resistance, she patted her lap and told him to take a seat. He did so without question. The weight of his round buttocks on her pelvic area and abdomen aroused Rachel greatly. She gently placed her hand on his groin. Still there was no resistance.
"I was torn up by then," she said. "Utterly frantic! I undid his trousers and took out his penis. It was good-sized, larger than it should have been. I asked him if he liked it when I did that. He said that he did, and honest to God, he didn't stutter one damn syllable.
"I began to stroke his penis-It was slow coming to an erection, but when he did get one up it was huge-quite nearly as large as a grown man's. I kept fondling him, and pretty soon I felt the warning throb coming into not only his penis but into his buttocks as well. The cheeks of his buttocks were actually pinching me. I kept on stroking his penis up and down, but I increased the rapidity of my strokes. He hunched his buttocks upwards and ejaculated. Hell, the sight of that semen coming out was too much for me. I immediately committed fellatio on his jerking penis. It didn't seem to surprise him.
"Once I got all of his juice, I undressed him. Then I undressed before him and got on the bed. He couldn't get up another erection right away, but he was willing to do anything I wanted him to. I told him to put his face down between my legs, and he said, 'You mean like Mama has me do?' Well, I knew then that I had the secret. By getting a little from me, the kid had released some of his guilt. He told me his mother had been having him do it to her for about eight years. He said that he didn't like to do these things with her any more, but that he liked to have me play with his penis."
Rachel and the young boy continued with their session for almost two hours. She had him perform cunnilingus on her several times, experiencing orgasm each time. Then finally, after he had another erection, she and the young boy entered into active coitus.
"His penis got larger the second time than it had been the first. I only let him get the head in though-Then I teased his virility by making him hold the rest of it outside. When I felt him shaking all over, I grabbed his buttocks and pulled his ass down hard. I got it all-I got a profound shot of semen. I could feel it going inside of me. It was hot-he actually shot it into me. His buttocks were tight-I could feel every straining muscle in his body taut, quivering, begging. I held him into me until there was no more strength left in him. Then I got up and left the room. I thought about my insane brother for a second, but then I erased the thought."
Here, Rachel was regressing back to the time of her childhood when she and her brother had first engaged in coitus. While not obvious, it was apparent on the surface that Rachel, in intercourse with the young boy, had been reaching back to the time before the untimely death of her seduced father.
The following day, the boy's mother arrived at Rachel's Parlor. All night long, Rachel had been planning the events of the day. She had discussed it with Cleve, and he said that anything was all right so long as she did not bring the law down on them-also he stipulated that the woman must pay dearly in order that they should keep her incestuous secret.
"She was all dressed up-dripping in furs," said Rachel, and I noticed a twinkle in her eyes. "I had the boy in the office when she came in. At first he talked to her as plain as I'm talking to you, but once she kissed him hello, he began to stutter like hell.
"I got right to the point. I talked right in front of the boy-shit, I didn't care. I told her that I knew about her and the boy-I further told her the only way that she was going to help the boy was to do it with him in front of some other people. I told her that it would relieve him of his guilt, and that he would stop stuttering. She told me that I was 'crazy as hell,' if I thought that she would do anything like that. As a matter-of-fact, she denied the entire thing-you know, about any previous relations with the boy, I simply flipped on a tape-recording that Cleve had taken down.
"When she heard the boy's voice saying how she had been seducing him for eight years, her face turned as white as death. 'Cut it off,' she said. 'I'll do what you say. His father must never find this out!' I didn't come right out and say it, but I indicated that we could work something out. Hell, I didn't want her so nervous that she couldn't put on a good show."
Rachel then ordered the crestfallen female to accompany her and the boy to a rear bedroom. Once inside the room, she told the woman to undress.
"I lost no time," Rachel went on. "I couldn't wait to see what was going to happen. About that time, Cleve came in and took a seat. He was anxious as hell too. I had already had to promise him that he coud have some of the boy. By the time the woman was nude, Sherry came in. Hell, she wasn't dumb any more. Sherry was ready for anything. She started undressing before us. I saw Cleve's erection starting when Sherry commenced to disrobe. He had been begging me to let him have some of her, but up to that time I had refused. Nevertheless, he began to undress.
"I looked at the mother of the young stuttering boy. She looked horrified. It thrilled me to know that I was causing her grief. I also undressed. Then Cleve, Sherry and I watched the woman do as I ordered."
Rachel forced the mother to fondle the boy until he had an erection. She continued with her candid (and we have deliberately left it unedited) recital of the disgusting, animalistic orgy:
"While she was doing that, I made her face her rear end in our direction. She was on her hands and knees on the floor. I told her to spread her legs a little so that we could get a good look. She hesitated, and I whacked her hard across the ass. She didn't hesitate after that. Sherry wanted to do it too. I motioned her on, and she whacked the woman also. Right when she did it, the boy ejaculated into his mother's mouth. She must have gotten aroused by our spanking, for she dove down onto his penis like she was going to chew it off.
"I couldn't resist myself; I fell to the crack of her anus and inserted my tongue. While I was doing that, Sherry focused on my anus, and though I didn't know it, Cleve went to hers. In a few short seconds I experienced a tremendous orgasm! I figured that Sherry was doing the same because I felt her tongue darting into my anus faster than ever. The mother was getting hers also-I could feel her hands reaching back to touch my breasts-I could smell the lubrication of her, and feel the muscles of her anus tighten. I went to her vagina with my tongue. We must have had some sort of mental telepathy going on because Sherry did the same to me. About that time though, I felt Sherry's face lunge forward directly into my rear. I knew something was amiss. I turned around, and sure enough, there was Cleve! His eyes were closed, and he was giving it to her from the rear. I didn't want the girl pregnant, so I yelled back to him to get off. About that time though, Sherry yelled for me to leave him alone. I have never seen such a look of rapture on anyone's face.
"'Where is it?' I yelled into her entranced face. 'Does he have it in your pussy?" Her mouth was hanging open, and though she was trying to answer, a groan was all that was coming out. She took my hands, and from her tight squeezing grip I knew that she was in intense pleasureful pain. I squeezed back, at the same time, feeling the hands of the boy's mother reach down to my vagina. She manipulated me with abandon. Evidently, she wanted offbeat sex as much as the rest of us. She certainly knew how to do it. Even as I was holding onto Sherry with all my strength, I felt the woman spin my body around, and dive onto my pussy. Her tongue was like a thousand probes, licking, digging. Her teeth were like minute pincers as they bit into my clitoris."
Rachel went on to say that just as she was about to have an orgasm, Sherry let out a delightful scream-an indication that she was also experiencing an orgasm.
"In a few moments when I knew she was through," said Rachel, "all of us unwound. I got to Cleve before he withdrew. I could see immediately that he had driven his penis into Sherry's anus-it was in clear up to his testicles. He was still trying' for ejaculation. I was so relieved that he had not put it into her pussy that I reached over and grabbed his testicles with one hand. With the other one, I put a finger into his ass hole. He ejaculated at once. I heard Sherry scream again. I knew she was having the time of her life. When he finally withdrew, she simply collapsed face-down on the floor."
Rachel related that then all of them rested for a bit. There were two beds in the room so there was no problem as far as space went. Cleve insisted that the boy get into the bed with him. The mother seemed to object, but he told her frankly that she was going to do as they said, or else she would be exposed.
Rachel went on to tell the clinical interviewer: "I couldn't understand the woman. On the one hand, she had engaged in sex with all of us. She had not drawn the line at anything. Still, she did not want the boy to have any relations with Cleve.
"None of us cared what she thought. We told her that the boy was going to do as we said, and that if she knew what was good for her she would keep her mouth shut. She didn't like the idea, but once we reminded her that we would reveal her incestuous relationship with her son if she persisted in resisting, she nodded to the boy. Then she got in the bed between Sherry and me. The boy got into the other bed with Cleve.
"We had hardly settled down before I could hear Cleve and the boy. One of them was groaning. I couldn't tell which right off so I looked. I guess the mother looked at the same time, because I heard her give out with a gasp of surprise. I suppose I might have done the same thing if I had been the boy's mother-I can say that now, but at the time, her startled cry aroused me."
Rachel said Cleve had the boy on his stomach-there was a pillow beneath the young man's stomach to bring up his posterior to a more vulnerable position. Cleve was attempting anal intercourse with the youngster. He was not having much luck however, because his penis was too large.
"Stop!" begged the upset mother. "He's never done that before! Please, for God's sake, stop!"
The mother broke into hysterical sobbing, but instead of consoling her, Rachel and Sherry forced her to watch as Cleve prodded a rupturing entry into the young man's anus.
"The woman was nearly insane," said Rachel contritely. "All of us should have been put away for our actions. That boy had the damndest look of pain on his face I have ever seen. Cleve was hurting him so bad that he had tears in his eyes.
It was my place to have stopped it. I didn't, though-I watched delighted as Cleve stroked in and out of the boy's rectum. It didn't take long. Cleve only jigged him a few times, and then suddenly he really rammed it home. That kid doubled up under the pressure-his eyes opened in terror. Cleve was getting his kicks too. His eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip. I could see his fingernails turning white as he pinched the buttocks of the terrified boy!"
As Rachel was telling of this episode, the memory of it was so horrible to her that she sobbed between words. Sometimes there were times that she couldn't go on. At times she was asked to stop, for fear that she might pass out from hysteria over the remembrance of the despicable scene.
She managed to complete the details of the episode,, though. "Cleve poured it into the boy-I thought we would have to knock the mother out. She was screaming and sobbing for all she was worth.
"I looked into the woman's face. She was not unattractive. She was a woman in her early thirties. Her face was finely featured, though one would not have known it if they had seen her contorted in pain-and mental anguish. The tears were running down her cheeks and onto her breasts which were full nippled and firm. They were quite large too-I'd say between a thirty-six and a thirty-eight. I was a thirty-four myself, so I could pretty well tell. Those tears would hang on the tips of her nipples and then like little waterfalls they would fall onto the covers. I became aroused again, and took one nipple into my mouth. By then the boy was resting. Cleve had done his job-the poor mother just lay on her back and let me suck on her tits. Sherry was watching with gleeful eyes."
Rachel told how she and Sherry had made love to the woman. They mutually kissed her on the breasts, the stomach, and between the legs. In spite of her previous anxiety over her son, once the boy seemed to be alright, the woman responded heartily to their ministrations on her body.
"I bit her nipples until she had an orgasm," Rachel confessed. "And Sherry was down there smacking between her legs-those smacking sounds drove me on. I made the woman turn over on her stomach, and I spanked the hell out of her while she did cunnilingus to Sherry.
"Sherry had her legs wrapped tightly about the woman's black hair-it looked once like they were part of each other. I could see the muscles of Sherry's abdomen begin to quiver and undulate-also, her hips were grinding around like hell.
All at once I saw her give a series of hunches upwards-she came on so hard that the woman had to pull off for breath-but each time Sherry would force the woman's face back down onto her eager pussy. In the meantime I was spanking like hell. Instead of my hands though, I got a belt. Little lines appeared under my whip-hand-I kept it up until the woman's buttocks were bleeding and sore looking. Then I kissed her all over them. She liked that. I know she did, because I felt her contractions when she got her gun. I reached for an orgasm, but it wouldn't come. I nearly went out of my mind. There's no question about it, I was released from the hospital much too soon!"
From her own account one can readily see that Rachel knew that she was ill-but as is the case with so many persons, she could not bring herself to re-enter an institution. Still, she achieved some catharsis by simply admitting to herself that something was wrong.
Many of the statements made in this book will make little sense to the ordinary layman. And quite a few of the statements made herein will make little sense to the budding psychologist. But to the real clinician, most of the statements in this book will make a great deal of sense; Rachel was a most complex person. But Rachel's problem was not one of the tainting by heredity-It became more and more clear as she went on in psychotherapy that she really hated her father for not having been killed along with her mother. She also had a great deal of hostility toward the mother for leaving her at such an early age. Of course these emotions, like all psychopathological motives, do not usually appear as they are engendered. Most of the time, the ego of the person thus afflicted cannot live with the truth-the mind protectively hides the truth from the person. Unfortunately, most of the time the midn also hides the truth from the analyst. The cure of mental illness, except in so-called miracles, is a long drawn-out process. Many times, just when the patient seems to be getting better, he is worse off than ever.
As we have pointed out, Rachel was becoming more aware of the precariousness of her mental balance. Yet, her psycho-physical drives were more than she could cope with. As we go on again in her own unvarnished words, with the revolting scene of that perverse afternoon, the reader will find this more in evidence.
Rachel, sobbing and tearful, continued: "I hated myself that day, and yet, I had to go on. I had to get an orgasm somehow. I told Sherry to get the enema. The mother tried to get off the bed, but I slapped her hard across the face, and told Cleve-the bastard-to hold her down. He did as I said. He also hit her hard across the face with the flat of his hand. The boy watched, but he didn't seem to mind-I know it was because of the incestuous relationship that his mother had forced him into. As a matter-of-fact I got the unadulterated feeling that he was really enjoying the entire episode!
"When Sherry returned with the enema, she asked me if she could insert the nozzle. I told her she could, but not to withdraw it until I was in position.
"I didn't want the woman on her stomach right at first though. I kept her on her back, and put a pillow under her buttocks. When she wouldn't spread her legs, I hit her hard in the abdomen. After that I had no trouble with the response to my commands. When her legs were open and her patrs in plain view, I shoved as many golf balls into her pussy as I could-I think it was five. I know I had so many in her that you could see pressure pushing upwards in her lower portions.
"Then, Sherry put the nozzle into her rectum. I watched, all the time feeling the orgasm build up within me as the woman's face twisted in pain from the pressure of the fluid. When she had had all she could take, I cautioned Sherry to hold the nozzle in, and we turned her over on her stomach. I took a position on her buttocks-you know, like I told you-one where they pressed up into my belly. I could see that Cleve had put his penis into the mouth of my victim. This brought me closer yet to the elusive orgasm-It was the first time one had not come to me when I needed it-I hated my female sex at that moment. Had I been a man I could have gotten one easily. When I was on her buttocks, though, I ordered Sherry to pull out the nozzle.
"The warm spray covered my lower extremities-I found my orgasm-Oh God, how I found it! It was so strong that they later told me that I screamed-it was so violent that it brought on my period right then and there-I began to flood. I didn't know it though-my mind was like an erupting volcano! The blood was not only pouring out of my genitals but also it was driving the cells of my brain into temporary insanity!"
Rachel really didn't find out until the following day what happened, when Cleve came to her terrified, and told her she had bitten one of the woman's breasts so badly that they had been fearful that the poor creature might lose a nipple. Fortunately, the woman's husband had been out of town, and they had managed to force her to stay there.
That morning they got the woman out of the house, but Cleve had made her leave the boy there. He figured that that move would stop her from any talking. Besides, as he told Rachel. "The kid didn't want to go with the old cunt anyway!"
"I managed to get up that afternoon," said Rachel. "As I walked down the hall, I could hear the sounds of intercourse coming from Cleve's room. Naturally, I thought he and the boy were at it again. I went in. It wasn't just Cleve and the boy-Sherry was in there, and another young girl was with them-I had seen her before. Her name was Gilda and she was a friend of Sherry's. All of them were on the bed together. Gilda was scarcely eleven, but she was rising to Cleve's every jab-Sherry was equally as adroit in her response to the penis of the boy.
"Naturally, I became aroused, but as I watched the scene going on before me I became nauseated. I went to my room and puked-I didn't ever think I would stop vomiting ... I don't know what it was that came over me, but if I had had a knife I would have cut my throat. I could only think of one thing-that was home!
"I knew I would have to beg Floe to take me in, but hell, I didn't care. I packed a few things, put all of my money in my handbag, and walked out of the goddam place. I was in front of Floe's nursing home in about seven hours!"
Rachel said that she hardly had the nerve to approach the front door, but she was sick over her part in the action upstate-not only that, but she was afraid. Additionally, she felt sexless, much the same as she had felt upon her previous discharge from the mental hospital.
This in itself is an interesting point, for this was indicative to a return to some sore of normalcy. She was much to her relief a sexless creature-for the first time in months she did not feel a need for constant sex.
She took a deep breath, hiked up her shoulder, took a firm grip on her cheap suitcase, and walked up to the door.
In the following chapter, we shall see how a change in Rachel's personality begins to shape her life into a different course of destiny.
"I stood at the door," she said, "for what seemed like an eternity. I heard steps approaching. I started to run, but before I could find the strength for another decision, the door opened-it was Floe-she was smiling.
"'Thank God,' I said, and I fell into her waiting arms!"
CHAPTER SEVEN
THE INITIATION OF MARGARET
We have seen in the previous chapter how Rachel's psychic discontent led her into every pathway and byway of perversion and depravity. We have seen how she ran the gamut of sex offenses from incest to profound sadism-sadism, both self-inflicted and against others that led her from a home life to a mental institution. Also, sadism that led her to deeper depravity when she committed the act of vampirism against the incestuous mother in her healing parlor. The latter, we hold, however, was like a form of electrocranial therapy-it shocked her into a form of normalcy-at least, she had the power of choice to make a decision to return home-something gave her the courage of return to the only genuine affection that she had ever known. It could only have been the traumatic shock of Cleve and the young stuttering boy, along with the mother's anxiety over the same disgraceful doings.
In any event, it was over a week before Rachel really returned to the world of the living-a week during which she babbled with the ferocity of the completely insane and incongruous. Finally however she was able to awaken one morning and look into a pair of smiling eyes. A young girl was looking down into her face-a very young girl, she could not have been over twelve years of age, was trying to rouse her.
"Who are youV asked Rachel, feeling relaxed, as she languished in that sleepy time just before complete awakening.
"I'm Maggie," said the girl. "I'm Margaret, that is. I'm Floe's cousin. I've been here about a month."
"Like it?" said Rachel, wondering why Floe had never mentioned the girl before. To Rachel the young child was very pretty. She could see herself as she had looked a decade before. The child was a typical sub-teen girl. Her nose was bridged with freckles, and her slight figure had not yet gained any of the curves that would later make men give her a lingering look.
The little girl, Maggie, continued to straighten Rachel's bed-clothing as she answered. "Oh, I suppose so. It's not like when I was home though. We lived on a farm. I like living on a farm, don't you?"
"I don't know," said Rachel. "I've never had that dubious pleasure."
"Dubious, what's that mean?" questioned the impish little creature, as she showed a snaggy smile.
"Never you mind that!" said Rachel, feeling better all the time. "Off with you! I have to get dressed."
"I'll see you in a little while then," smiled her childish benefactor, as she skipped out of the room.
"I felt good," said Rachel later, "but at the same time I felt sad as hell. I wanted so much that little creature with the snaggy smile, and the fearful, happy little body should grow up to be normal. What chance did she have though. I would have throttled her there and then-right on the spot if I thought that she would have to go through the hell I had been through. I had not a sexual thought about the child in my head-I felt like a floating spirit.
"At least I was through menstruating, though, and I could hear the noises of the living once more. Besides that, I could smell bacon frying, and the odor of hot biscuits wafted into my nostrils. I got up, threw on a house coat and went into the kitchen."
The kitchen wasn't where it had been. Many changes had been made. A whole new patient wing had been added where the kitchen had started before. The nursing home had nearly doubled in size. Rachel was overwhelmed.
"I absolutely couldn't get over it!" Rachel related exuberantly. "Floe had done wonders. She had even added two registered nurses to her staff, and a cook.
"Bertha was still there too. She was seated at the table when I walked into the kitchen. I didn't remember having seen her since my return home. She greeted me with a warm smile. I was glad. I hoped that she still didn't hold any grudge. She looked as lovely as ever-more lovely in fact. She had lost a little weight about the hips, and her breasts looked smoother. Her smile was as moist as alluring as ever. But mind you, I was not looking at her sexually at least I didn't think that I was-a mind will play tricks on you, won't it?"
I had to admit that she was right, but as she went on with her recital, I was beginning to understand much more about the mechanisms that had molded this woman's life. For one thing, she was virtually an extremist-a common fault of the schizophrenic personality of the paranoid type.
In an additional week, a week in which Rachel became quite attached to her new friend Maggie, she plunged into the work of the home, relishing the release from her former anguish. Floe made no overtures to her, nor did Bertha, and this pleased Rachel greatly. She did not feel any sexual urges, but she had long since learned to distrust her self control. She did not know how she might react if one of them did make a sexual suggestion to her.
"Torrence was not there any more. He had gone home to live with his parents. I was glad, for I did not wish to see anyone connected with my former life. I wanted to be free from desire and sensual weaknesses."
But freedom from her perverted desires was not to come that easily for Rachel, for though Bertha had been commonplace in her initial greeting to Rachel, it was only a short time until she was giving the reforming young lady some intriguing glances-moreover, she was taking every opportunity to rub against Rachel or, whenever she could, she would sneak a wanton caress. When she did these things to Rachel, Rachel would only smile at her and say, "No Bertha, I'm all through with that kind of existence.
"The reason I used the word existence instead of life," amended Rachel, "was because the sort of life I had lived was not a life at all-hell it was really a living death.
"That damned Bertha though, she wouldn't leave me alone. She kept after me like a male dog keeps after a bitch that's in season. I don't know, but I must exude some kind of come-on, something or other unconsciously, because even now, after all the time I've put in trying to be good and moral, I get accosted by all manner of perverts-damned if I know what it is."
I had to admit to Rachel that I didn't know either, but when I was around her, I myself was attracted to this lovely senuous creature-mind you, this has not been long ago at all. Today, Rachel is still only twenty-seven, and a lovely twenty-seven at that! She still has the figure of a goddess-she has the smile of an angel mixed with the grin of a jackass-her laughter is a blend of sublety and bawdiness. I frankly did not know how to answer Rachel's questions; she was trying desperately to communicate, and there I was wanting to calm and console her, and could not. Indeed it was most distressing.
Rachel went on to tell of those days of reformation. She was frank, objective, and tried not to paint anything except an honest picture of herself and her companions.
Bertha kept after her, and then one day, like the instantaneous click of a light switch, Rachel found herself thinking about the woman.
"It was odd," she said. "I had been doing so well in controlling my emotions that I didn't think it possible that I would ever return to my former way of life. As you know, I had not re-entered psychotherapy at that time.
"I was taking a Sunday afternoon nap. I had been playing with Maggie, the young girl, and I was bushed. But anyway, I was just lying on the bed. It was a warm afternoon, and I had on only my undies and a slip. I was on top of the covers.
"Something awakened me suddenly-I must have been having an erotic dream. I don't remember about that part. I do remember though that when I awaken, Bertha was definitely on my mind, and another thing-I had my hands on my genitals. I quickly jerked my hand upwards, but it was a useless gesture. I was too late-once I had the conscious knowledge that I had been touching myself in a sensuous area I had an orgasm. I hate to tell you this, but it was beautiful-I had almost forgotten how lovely an experience like that can be. You know how it is with masturbation, don't you? The sensation is sharper than it is in natural coitus-I always got a great bang out of it. Well, that's beside the point.
"I was quiet for a moment, pondering the episode. I couldn't fathom why it had happened. Then I got to thinking about Maggie-about how she romped and played, her lithe young figure showing beneath her frock. I figured that in some way that she must have excited my olfactory senses-you remember what Krafft-Ebing said, about it, the more I took this into serious consideration. I concluded that somehow, some odor from the child's body must have excited my olfactory mechanism which in turn sympathetically excited my sexual desire center-I suppose I was thinking over my head at the time-now I know this to be true-not just in my case, but I have found that an excitation of the olfactory senses can stimulate sexual desire-but then I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I?"
Rachel was definitely getting ahead of herself though I had to agree with her about the arousal of sexual response by stimulation of the olfactory centers. I listened intently as she went on with her recounting of events. She was truly a remarkable girl-friendly to a fault-lovely to a degree unthought of.
"Well, as I was saying," she said. "Bertha was on my mind. I couldn't get her off it. I determined that I would rebuke her severely the next time she tried to excite me, although she had already excited me-something had!
"I tried to think about other things-hell, I even tried praying! It was all without any effect.
"I found my hand creeping toward my clitoridal area. And then I was cogitating on former experiences. I was remembering the delightful experiences that I had, had with Floe, with father, with Erin, with my brother-a thousand others at least-well, not quite, but at that moment, I could have conjured up that sort of a count!"
At this point, I had to be amused at Rachel, for at last, she was able to speak without remorse-she could even speak with humor about her former degrading episodes. Her admission of these experiences, done in a humorous fashion was highly indicative of a return to normalcy. But this was some time after that episode and many others. Rachel continued:
"I thought of the young girl Maggie, but I refused to let myself dwell upon her slender frame, her winning smile, the hardness of her immature buttocks-yes, that's what I said, immature buttocks. But there I was, back again, thinking about someone's ass-in a way it was hilarious. But in another way, even if I was concerned, it was sickening. It was sickening that I should allow myself to dwell upon this untainted young thing's ass!
"In any event, I masturbated another two times, each time getting to the heights of a great orgasm! Even if I say so myself, it was what the hippies call a big thing!
"I thought about it a lot in the next two days, but, thank God, Bertha was so busy, she did not bother with me, except one time. It was only a slight pat on my fanny-I relished it though-I thought about it a lot. I would lie in my bed at night thinking about her and Floe in their room, doing it. I would become jealous-no not jealous, envious is a better word. I was beginning to think about sex a great deal. I even thought about returning to Cleve and Sherry, but the fear of incarceration for my part in the rape of the woman and her child made me hesitant about that."
However, though Rachel was only thinking about her situation, and not doing anything about it-that is, not making any overt sexual moves, her troubled days were again not far away. She began to fait for Bertha's overtures, an in spite of her feelings of guilt, she was thinking about the young Maggie-she was also using her dildo again. This is significant if only to point out that in spite of her determination to lead the good life, she was being compelled to go in another direction.
"As I was saying," she went on, "I had begun to use my dildo again. The results were most gratifying. But in another way, they were not, for now I was terribly plagued not only with guilt, but remorse. I had done so well, I hated to lose my good-time. I was kind of like a kid with a piggy bank I had saved for a time, and now I hated to lose it. I knew my masturbation and vicarious thoughts were like pilfering pennies out of a bank that contained dollars, but it was only a matter of time until I would steal the whole amount, break the bank, and stop saving. I was like an alcoholic that had not taken a drink-you know, I had a chip, I wasn't concerned with the morals at that time-that is, with the exception of my thoughts about Maggie-I was concerned with losing my chip.
"One night, in a fit of remorse, almost grogginess from it, I thought that someone should invent a thing called Sexual Perverts Anonymous. Then I got to thinking about the euphemism of the situation, and thought that it should be called Anonymous Sexual Perverts-that way, the initials would have spelled ASP. And after all, at the time, I felt like an ASP-no I felt like a rattlesnake waiting to strike!"
And, indeed, Rachel was like an asp searching out not the breast of Cleopatra, but any breast. Her hunger had become insatiable, her thoughts about sex uncontrollable, and her mind a kaleidoscope of perversion!
Bertha continued on with her aggravation of Rachel, but no longer was it an aggravation to the girl, for in two short months, her, frustrations had returned. She was day-dreaming about all forms of sex-all forms of depravity. She had decided however that at all costs she would not admit to any relations with anyone in the nursing home. Not Floe, not Bertha, and definitely not little Margaret!
"I was having one hell of a time," said Rachel. "It looked like the more I tried to not do something, the worse it became not to do it. Then one day out of a clear blue sky I thought of Mary L., the woman with whom I had lived some months prior. I decided that I would call on her. She had been kind to me, and I thought that perhaps a conversation with her might ease the situation at least it would get me away from them for a little while.
"I asked for and got the afternoon off. I dressed in my softest frock and took a cab to her house. She was glad to see me too. The first thing she asked me was if I wanted a room again. Before I answered, she indicated that the money was no object. She seemed overly glad to see me. We sat in her kitchen and had coffee. She was dressed in a flowered dress, but it in no way hid the soft curves of her petite figure.
"I forgot about talking about my problem. I figured that if maybe I could desex myself again that I would not be troubled about the nursing home. But how to approach Mary? That was the next question. I was not terribly aroused, but like I said, I was thinking of preventive sex-a sort of satiation wherein I would not be so trouble as at the nursing home. The plan came to me unconsciously-I guess it did, for I don't remember plotting anything."
Rachel's unconscious was plotting, though. In fact, though she would never admit it, I felt that she had a tremendous sexual urge at the time she decided to revisit her old friend and benefactor. She had described Mary before-she had described her in such detail that upon her mention I knew exactly of whom she was speaking.
The two women finished their coffee, and Rachel offered to help clear the table. But when she tried to rise from her chair, she winced in pain. Mary went to her immediately.
"What's wrong, Rachel?" she asked, re-seating the girl.
"It's nothing," Rachel said in a plaintive voice. "It's just that lately I've had a catch in my lower back. I've been meaning to go to a doctor about it. When it gets like this at home, I usually have someone massage it for me."
"Does that really help?" questioned Mary, her hands moving down the girl's back to where she thought the pain was.
"Lower," begged Rachel in a demure voice, in spite of the fact that she was becoming greatly aroused.
"I really hadn't planned it the way it was working out," lied Rachel. But then when she knew that I knew she was lying, she added. "Oh hell yes I knew that, that was the way it was going to work out! Hell my mind was working like a machine. I was calculating every way I could think of to get my hands on her! I could already feel the swelling of her vulva as I knew it would swell under my touch. I was quite like my old self!"
Mary told Rachel she would be glad to rub her back if it would ease her pain. Rachel resisted falsely, but allowed Mary to lead her to the bedroom.
"I was trembling" said Rachel. "I was ready. I got on the bed, and soon, I felt her small hands rubbing my shoulders. 'Lower,' I said, and I felt her go on without instruction. Soon, her hands were in the small of my back. 'That's good,' I said appreciatevely, and then I felt her hands move to the zipper that went down the back of my dress. I had on no slip, and her hands were soothing on my skin when she touched me. 'Does that feel better?' she asked. 'Perhaps if I undid your brassiere?"
"I didn't answer. I only grunted. But then it occurred to me that no answer was necessary. Her hands were trembling and nervous. I decided to let her seduce me. I don't know why it is, but one woman always knows when another one wants her. She pulled my dress down about my shoulders. I was still on my stomach. At first she went on rubbing my back, but her hands kept dropping lower and lower. Finally, she was at the top of the cleavage of my buttocks. I felt her hesitate for a moment, but then she pulled down the top hem of my panties.
"She couldn't get her hand on my ass though because my dress was still on. I flipped over on my back and pulled her down to me. 'Oh my darling girl!" she moaned as I found her lips. At the same time, one of my hands went up her dress, and hers-both of hers cupped themselves over my heaving breasts. She had on no panties and was already wet when I touched her. I immediately inserted a finger. She stopped her action at once, and quickly disrobed. By the time she was nude, I was too. She lost no time. She got onto the bed and told me to sit on her face. I did! God, what a wonderful day me spent. I was thoroughly satisfied when it was over. She explained to me that she had known about mine and Sherry's action, and that she would have asked me for love before I left had I not left in such a hurry.
"The high point of the afternoon came however, when she went to the kitchen and returned with a huge heated bologna. It was about two inches in diameter and some one and a half feet long. She had warmed it on the stove. It wasn't hot-it was just right-it was about penis temperature-maybe a little warmer, but about the same. We did it to each other with that until both of us were throbbing masses of satisfied pussy!"
Having been satisfied by another session of lesbian love, Rachel returned to the nursing home. But unlike she had hoped for (I wondered if she had really hoped for it), she was still desirous of Bertha. She was however able to control herself.
Bertha kept after her, but Rachel staunchly refused, though one time she did let Bertha have a kiss.
"It was long, stunning, full of tongue and wet," allowed Rachel. "I was aroused, but that was as far as I would go. I stopped her love-making and went to my room, where I masturbated to a glowing orgasm!"
Rachel was trying very hard to forestall her sexual urges which were coming back on her most strongly. She tried to stay away from the small girl-but try as she would, she could not keep the child away from her. She kept up her relationship with Mary L. in the hope of the salvation of release. But instead of release, it was like oil on a gasoline fire. She became more and more desirous of sex.
"I was like a boiling weiner," said Rachel, almost humorously. "It looked like I didn't know what direction to go in. It seemed like everywhere I turned that Maggie was around. I was not desirous of the small imp, but I was afraid that I might do something to her. (Here, Rachel was telling the truth. She definitely did not want to corrupt the child. She knew from past experience what other people had environ mentally done to her-she honestly did not want the same stigma to curtail Maggie's life.)
She could see tell-tale signs in the girl's habits though-the way she rocked on her bicycle seat-the way she would ride the arm of an easy chair-the promiscuous scratching of her genital areas-whether or not it was a conscious reaction Rachel did not know-she did know however that there was a sexual connotation to her actions.
Rachel put it this way: "I would watch her as she rode her bicycle. She rocked on the seat-you know, she was massaging her clitoris-all of the signs pointed to overt masturbation. Now you and I know that there is not really anything wrong with this-it is all a part of sexual awakening. The thing that bothered me however-was was what she was doing just a part of growing up, or was she being led into her characteristic actions by someone else? I knew that Floe would never dream of such a thing. I wondered about Bertha, however."
As it turned out, Rachel's absence from the little girl did little good. The following sequence of events point this up nicely. As Rachel out-lined it:
"I was doing everything I could to keep from molesting the child. Before, we had played games in the evening. I even stopped that. I could see the hurt look on her face, but I figured that it was better to hurt her in her youth than for her to be hurt later on account of something that I did-something that I couldn't help myself about.
"I started to go to bed early in the evening. I complained about a headache-a belly-ache-hell, I even complained about an ass-ache! I just didn't want to get myself into a compromising position With the kid.
"Things didn't work out however, because one night-no, it was actually early one morning-predawn. I was awakened from a fitful sleep by the feeling of a body next to mine. I thought that it might be Bertha who had sneaked into the room, but when I put my hand over next to me I knew that the body was too small. It was Maggie who had sneaked into the bed with me-she was crying her little heart out. In spite of my fears, I pulled her over next to me, and soothed her. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that I didn't love her anymore. I told her that she was foolish. I told her that I most certainly did love her. I asked her where she got such a notion.
"She snuggled her little body up closer to me, before she answered. I could feel the heat of her.
And by that time-she was approaching eleven-she was becoming softer, more delicate to the touch and feel.
"'You never pay attention to me any more,' she sobbed and hugged me tightly to her. I could feel my heart pounding and the blood welling in my genital area. I started to push her away, but suddenly to my surprise I found that she was kissing me on the neck. Goddam, I like to have gone crazy! I kept my hands to myself though. I could remember back to a time when I had sneaked into bed with daddy-remember I told you about it-the time he sprayed his semen on my small stomach!"
"Yes, I remembered, I told her. I could also envisage the horrendous thoughts that must have been going through her mind when the small child tried to find affection by hugging and kissing her. Rachel drove on into the depths of the matter:
"She kept kissing me," related Rachel, "And then to my surprise, she placed a hand on one of my breasts. True, her touch was the inexperienced touch of a child. But the feeling of her hand on my nipples caused them to stiffen in sexual joy-in perverse delight!
"I kissed her back, but I told her that she shouldn't do that. I was really trying-you believe that, don't you?"
I did believe her. She continued, and I listened to her story more fascinated with her case than any I had ever heard. And that included Tina's classic bisexual with whom I had come in contact, and written a previous book about.
"Well, when I told her she shouldn't do that she was simple in her answer. She replied poutingly: 'Well, Floe let's me do it! 'Floe let's me do it! Floe let's me do it! My God, the words were like bursts of gunpowder in my brain! Floe let's me do it!
"I suppose I startled the child. I jumped straight up in the bed and snapped on the lamp. 'Floe lets you do it?' I questioned, anger welling within my heart and mind. The child nodded innocently, and gave me a smile. Her teeth were back in then and her smile was not at all unpleasant. My God, I thought. Here I had been doing my best to keep from defiling the small girl, and no telling how long she had been subjected to lesbian sex.
"I asked her how long it had been going on, and she told me that she and Floe had been "cuddling and kissing" since before I arrived. I asked her if that was all that they had done. She answered with a smile that indeed no that was not all they had done. She told me that Floe had taught her how to suck on her breasts. She said-she said it proudly too-that once Floe had let her touch her thing. Well, you could have knocked me over with a straight-pin. I started to throw the girl out of the bed, but her little form looked so patheticso humble-so begging and in need of affection that I hesitated an instant too long."
Rachel continued, relating how the young child had again placed a hand on one of her breasts, and begun to kiss her again. Not only that, but before Rachel could collect herself, one of the girl's small hands was trying to probe under Rachel's nightie. She related the following pathetic and sickening scene:
"I tried to stop her-no, I didn't. Once her hand touched my leg I couldn't control myself. I spread my legs open, at the same time snapping off the light. I turned on my side so that she could get to me better, and as she rubbed the hairy thatch of my vulva, I raised her gown and began to remove her panties. The hardness of her little buttocks had begun to turn soft, and I rubbed her gently. There was no haste. I turned her small lips up to mine and inserted a tongue. Evidently, Floe had not done anything like that with her, for she seemed surprised. I told her to do it with me though, and then I was locked in a tragic embrace with Margaret. I felt her small probing tongue pressing itself against my waiting lips. She was precocious as all hell!
"I hated myself for what I was doing-or about to do, but then my hand was on her small slick vulva. The slickness wasn't from lubrication. What I mean is that her vulva was small, and hairless. I was terribly excited. I squeezed her to me, and asked her to put a finger into me. She acted like she didn't know what she was doing, but nevertheless, I felt her searching hand parting the juicy lips of my parts. She tried one finger. Then she giggled and put in her whole hand-not the hand part, you know, only the fingers."
As Rachel went on, her voice trembling in memory of the event. I had the feeling that she might like to be experiencing the same again. As much as I would have liked to proffer a question at this point, I did not. I was enthused with the reaction of this lovely creature who was baring her innermost soul to me.
"As I was saying," said Rachel. "The little girl was close to me and she and I were mutually masturbating. I didn't know that she was capable of orgasm, though I had been at her age. She was however, and soon, after I had tickled her clitoridal spot for a time, I felt her stomach trembling against mine. Her taunt young buttocks tightened, and she hunched forward, driving herself ever closer to me.
"Then she came! Her tongue had learned it's way into the recesses of my mouth by then, and it was like a small darting arrow as it nipped against the tip of my own. Her excitement-excitement fairly flowing out of her small body-caused me to get to orgasm at the same time. She and I were embracing so tightly that I knew that I must be causing her some anguish. This added to my feeling of pleasure.
"If I had stopped there, things might well have been different, but I was as hot as I had ever been. I parted the cleavage of her buttocks, and after moistening one of my fingers with some of my own genital lubrication, I probe into her anus. She grabbed me tightly, but at the same time, she threw her rump into a position for better anal penetration. I got an entire finger into her rectum. I stroked her in and out until I reached an excited orgasm.
"Then I placed her on her back, and caused her to spread her legs. You can't possibly imagine the feeling I had when I fingered her vagina and looked down into her small loving face at the same time-a small loving face grimmacing because she still had not lost her hymen. I ruptured it for her though. I used my longest, largest finger. I should have been gentle, but instead, I kept looking into her face and rammed it directly into her-directly into her until the rear knuckles of my hand tuoched the cringing lips of her lubricated vulva-a lubricated vulva, lubricated with the bright red blood of her ruptured maidenhead. I fell to her waiting pussy immediately and committed cunnilingus on her. She threw her pre-teen legs around my head and locked them. My tongue went into her like I was kissing her on the lips; and then the quiver came again. I had brought her to orgasm! God, it was a thrill! I reached orgasm right along with her!"
Rachel said the orgy between her and the small Margaret lasted until the early dawn, when they stopped for fear of being apprehended.
"I was in a daze when it was all over. So was Margaret. She was fascinated by my full-grown, hairy pussy. I didn't know if I could stop her she had gotten so carried away. I actually had to promise that we would get together later that day, or either that night in order to get her to stop."
That night, they did get together again. As Rachel went on with her story, the previous night's contact sounded like a verse from a song of the Temperance League.
"That day-all day, I had suffered from the pangs of hell-ridden guilt. I had actually made up my mind that if Margaret showed up that night that I would shoo her out of the bed-shoo, hell! Fat chance! When that eager little thing got into bed with me, there wasn't any shooing anyone out. She began it all by pressing her belly up against mine. And then as we kissed, her face slowly moved down every inch of my body until she was kissing me on the pubic hair. Then she began to chew on it-then her face was between my legs and I got onto my back, and thrust my legs wide open. My feet were headed straight at the ceiling. She burrowed into my vagina like a passionate ghoul-it was as if she was trying to eat her way to my very heart. I could feel her labored breathing in the upper lips, but her tongue was driving all sensible thoughts from my erupting brain. I could feel an orgasm comin on, and I pressed her face further downward-toward the area of my buttocks. She did not hesitate. My orgasm was splendid-all the while I was experiencing this orgasm-no, this series of orgasms-this multiple release of passion I was thinking of the time I had performed cunnilingus for the first time. I envisioned Margaret as myself and myself as Erin! God, it was all too weird!"
But unlike the night before, Rachel was not able to contain her depraved lust within reason able bounds. She made the small girl turn over on her stomach-then Rachel began to bite her viciously about the buttocks. The young girl tried to respond, but she could not, for she was not yet conditioned to that type of violent passion. She began to plead and to beg Rachel. It was a miracle that Rachel came to her senses in time; elsewise, porbably she would have killed the child.
"It hit me like a bolt of lightning," said Rachel, recalling the vicious attacks, "when I realized what I was doing, I soothed the girl, and doctored her wounds. Then I put the poor child to sleep. I was terribly upset. I was numb-like a robot, as I once again packed my things. I didn't want to leave the child, but the die had been cast as far as she was concerned. I knew in my own sick heart that someday she would be as perverted as I was.
"Nevertheless, I did pack my things, and like a thief in darkness, I sneaked out of the house. The first place-the only place I knew to go, was to Mary's."
Now, here was another step in the right direction for Rachel. Not that she was doing the right thing by going to her lesbian friend's home, for she should have immediately committed herself to a hospital. Rachel was not insane-she was the product of years of conditioning. Like it was previously pointed out, where sex was concerned, she was like Pavlov's dog. It was to take much reconditioning before she could even begin to return to normalcy.
In the next chapter, we shall see the beginning of that return, as well as the final destiny of Rachel.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE FINAL PERFORMANCE
When Rachel arrived at Mary's, Mary thought that she had come for a love-making session, but Rachel explained that indeed she had not. She explained that actually she had come there because she knew that Mary would understand her plight, being in much the same situation herself.
And though Mary wanted some sex very badly, she did understand Rachel's plight. Where another lesser person might well have been indignant, Mary was understanding. The night passed without any overt sexual relations between the two women, but they did snuggle in each other's arms.
The following morning, they talked at length. Rachel told Mary flatly that she was going to seek some help. She consulted one of the foremost psychiatrists in the state. Fortunately she was able to pay for his services. Had she not been however, there was an excellent State Hospital for the treatment of the mentally ill. At any rate, Rachel had the final burst of common sense to put herself in professional hands.
The following series of interviews will point out exactly how her case concluded.
Rachel found Doctor B. to be a very terse but highly understanding individual. He was so understanding that he immediately gained the girl's trust. The following interview is among the first of the series:
Dr. "Good morning, Rachel. How are you today?"
R. "I'm better, Doctor, but I'm still troubled about a lot of things.
Dr. "What sort of things, Rachel?"
R. "Well, there's something that I didn't tell you."
Dr. " What's that, Rachel?"
R. "Lately I've been wanting to have relations with an animal!"
Dr. "Lately? Have you ever felt like this before?"
R. "Yes. (Pause to regain composure) I did it once with a dog when I was staying one night with Erin."
Dr. "Did you enjoy it?"
R. "No, not too much. It was different though. He was a real big dog-real big-a great Dane I think."
Dr. "Did you and the dog actually copulate-did he gain penetration?"
R. "Yes sir, Doctor, he sure did! He got it all the way in both Erin and myself.
(This was an episode that Rachel had never mentioned to me, and has not done so to this day. I in turn have never mentioned it to her.-S.G.)
Dr. "Was the intercourse anal or was it normal-you understand, in your vagina?"
R. "I only took it in the vagina from the dog."
Dr. "Did you do it out of curiosity Rachel, or did you actually want to copulate with the dog?"
R. "I did that out of curiosity Doctor, but this time, I really want some from a dog as a matter-of-fact doctor I want some out of anyone. I really want some bad!"
(Doctor's note-Patient Rachel squirmed in chair, wrung hands and otherwise exhibited symptoms of hysteria. Appears very anxious over this trend of thought. It appears patient is actually searching for stimuli that will arouse her sexually.-Check with Dr. K. in State Hosp on prog, of his patient, Luther M. Some analogy here.)
Dr. "How often have you been thinking of this particular form of sex in this time, Rachel?"
R. "Since our last meeting, Doctor."
Dr. "Your studies at the nursing school aren't keeping your mind occupied, Rachel?"
Rachel had enrolled in the nursing school at the State University. She had told them nothing of her ailments. Dr. B. kept her secret, not only on account of the professional ethics involved, but he concluded that it might well be therapeutic for her to undertake such a course if for no other reason than to keep her mind occupied.
D. "You didn't answer, Rachel. I asked if your studies at the school were not keeping you busy enough?"
R. "I think that, that's part of it, Doctor-there's a girl."
Dr. "What do you mean, a girl, Rachel? Are you attracted to some girl in training?"
R. "Yes sir! She's pretty, kind, and real sexy. I didn't start it though, she did. She's the aggressor. She's the one that brought up the subject of the dog. I've actually been thinking about quitting. There's more lesbians in the nurses' school than there are on the outside."
Dr. "Come now, Rachel-there are different people everywhere. If you can't cope with them on the inside, then you will never cope with them on the outside...."
This interview did not end there, but in more detailed narrative, the following is what was happening to Rachel:
There was another student nurse, a girl younger than Rachel by some two years. She had definite lesbian tendencies. As Rachel said, one lesbian can generally spot another. Rachel had been in the school only two days when the girl, Senora caught her in the laundry room. As Rachel told of the incident:
"I was really trying to play the straight and narrow. I had to move into the nurses' home, you know to go through the training. I was having a hell of a time as it was, because the two girls in my room were living dolls. One of them in-particular went about half naked all of the time. She kept me all agitated. Her breasts were the size of grapefruits, and they had the prettiest red nipples I had ever seen. T wanted one of them in my mouth the first time she took off her brassiere in front of me. She was a natural blonde, and every time I saw that pubic hair I nearly came-hell, no sense in lying about it. I could get an orgasm just looking at her!
"My other roommate was just as cute but directly contrasted in coloring and manner. She was very modest. I managed to see hers too, however. I walked in on her when she was on the toilet. She had a curve from the small of her back down to the bottom of her buttocks that made me want to smack her on the ass, not with only my hands but with my lips also.
"As you can see, I was having my problems without the advances of a dike! Anyway, this girl Senora caught me in the laundry room. I was putting some soiled sheets into the chute. I couldn't help myself. I wanted some sex. I was standing there rubbing the bottom of my belly when she came in on me. Her eyes lip up when she saw what I was doing.
"'What have we here' she asked knowingly. I pretended that I didn't know what she was talking about, but I know I was blushing. I tried to walk past her and out of the room, but she hugged me against her tightly. That did it! Hell, my knees turned to water. I couldn't resist. I had been thinking about sex so much that I was getting one orgasm after another. She knew it too. She quickly put one of her hands under my uniform skirt, and I felt her pull the crotch of my panties to one side. I must have been groaning and moaning, because I heard her say, 'Get it honey! Go ahead, get it! I can wait until some other time!' Then I felt her fingers digging at my vagina. I closed my eyes and let it come. I think that I even urinated a little because after I got it a few times, and she let me go that floor under me was wet as it could be.
"She asked me if I would like to see about a change of rooms. She said that she would really like to have me for a room mate. Her voice sounded a thousand miles away, but her face was directly in front of me. She was pretty as hell too. And she was well built. She was of Mexican or Spanish extraction I think. I know that she was some sort of a Latin. I told her I didn't think so. I expected her to resist, but she just shrugged her shoulders and left me alone in the laundry room. I cleaned up my puddle of whatever it was from the floor, and went about my business."
Rachel couldn't get the dark girl off of her mind, however, and several times in the next few days, she found herself looking at the girl. Each time she was met with an inviting glance.
"I decided that I would go to a movie the following Saturday. I wanted to get out of the building. I would have a lot of free time that day, and I didn't want to be around Senora. When I got to the movie, I took a seat in the darkest part, figuring I might want to masturbate. Hell, I was all sexed-up About thirty minutes after I took my seat, I knew that someone else had taken one next to me. I turned my head slightly-it was Senora, and she had that same lecherous smile on her face. I moved my hand from my stomach. It had only been resting there anyway. I was going to masturbate though.
"Well, there she was, and my goose was cooked," Rachel continued in her recorded interview with Doctor B. "I didn't even try to fight. If she had gone to all that trouble to have me there was no sense fighting it. I felt her hand move to my lower abdomen. She began with a gentle, rotating massage of my pubic hair. It was quite dark where we were, but I was afraid of detection. I asked her to stop, only to hear her subtle chuckle. She told me to lay my coat over my lap. There was no sense in fighting, and besides, I could feel my buttocks eating into the seat of my panties. I did as she said. She stuck her hand under my coat, and raised my dress and slip.
"I felt her pulling on the crotch of my panties, and I raised up off of the seat slightly. She easily removed them. I was waiting for a finger to go in, but she only tickled my clitoris until my pussy was soaking wet. Then she removed her hand, only to put it back quickly after she had dug into her purse. By then I was ready to do cunnilingus to her right in the theatre. I felt her put something between my legs. I opened them to help her, and then I felt the cool glans of the dildo go into me. I schooched down in the seat to help her insert it. In it went, but in my position I could not help but attract attention. She didn't seem to care. I jerked off of it, and told her that we couldn't do anything there. She told me to go with her. I followed, as meek as a sick kitten until we got to a dingy looking building. She didn't even look at me. She just walked in the door. There was a nasty looking man inside, and he showed her to a small room. I was still following. She gave him some money and he left.
"After he was gone, she turned to me. 'Come here, baby,' she said, looking confident. I obeyed. She was about my same size and I fitted right into her initial embrace. She kissed me for a minute. I reached orgasm several times-so many times in fact that I was a little weak before she suggested that we take off our clothes.
"I was very surprised to see her wearing a sanitary napkin," Rachel continued, her face flushing with a new found modesty. "It was as white as milk against her deeply tanned complexion. I told her that I couldn't do cunilingus with her if she was in that condition. She smiled her damned smile again, and told me to have no fear, she took off the napkin, and laid on the bed. She opened her legs and told me to come closer to her. I could see the string of a tampon. 'Pull it out,' she commanded. I did, but there was no discharge on it. She opened the lips of her pussy, and out came two brass balls! It was a rin-no-tama! She handed me the little balls, and asked me if I would like to try it. I told her yes. She told me that when we were through that she would let me wear it for a few days. She said she wore it all the time.
"'Hell,' she said. I'm getting orgasm after orgasm, while all of you cold-pussied sisters are goin' around wantin' to finger-fuck yourselves!' I had to admit that she had a point there, for I remembered the pleasure I had gotten out of my insertion of golf balls. I put the device into my purse, and eargerly went to her arms. But Senora was not one to rush anything. I'll tell you this, as much as I detest what she has done to me to undermine me I do respect her for not rushing me. She is just adamantly peristsent-she's persistent as hell!
"All we did for about thirty minutes was to hug and rub our bodies together. We kissed a great deal also, but then she got down to serious business. She strapped on her dildo. It was made out of a leathery material. I got onto the bed, pillow under my buttocks, and waited for the plunge. She told me no. She told me to get on top of her and to face her. I did. I straddled her, my genitals positioned over the huge instrument. She asked me if I thought I was wet enough. I didn't know, but I answered her by gingerly lowering myself downward until I could feel the head of the thing parting the lips of my pussy. I squirmed around on it for a few seconds and then sat down hard on it. It was rough, but in it went. It was long, and I felt it hit my cervix. It hurt a little but I didn't give a damn. I was bouncing up and down on her as rapidly as I could, each bounce both hurting and feeling good. She stopped me though, just as I was short of orgasm, and told me to lean backwards as far as I could.
"I did, and experienced such a combination of pain and pleasure that my next orgasm was like a session of flagellation by a thousand whips-all of them centered in my exploding vagina-all of them like probes in my excited brain. That time I even got extemporaneous twinges of pleasure in my breasts though there was no massaging of them by either myself or by Senora."
Rachel went on to say that Senora then asked if she would like to play the active role. Rachel did. She strapped on the large leather dildo and inserted it into her acquaintance's vagina.
"This is going to sound odd," said Rachel, "but she had trouble taking it. Hell, I thought it would go right into her. She was quite small, though, and I had to take it easy. We finally ended up by placing two, not one pillow under her buttocks. She managed to take most of it, and rapturously rose to my driving strokes. She asked me if I could see it going in and out, and if it excited me to see it. I told her that I could see most of the scene and that it excited the hell out of me. This seemed to thrill her, and she cried, 'Do it to me Mew, baby! Kill me with it! Goddam you, you son of a bitch! Poke it in me until I can feel it coming up in my throat!' I did the best I could for her, and surprised myself by getting another orgasm. She really got one though!
"I was doing a slow grinding stroke and her hips were rotating. It looked like she was impaled on a great stick of some sort. I looked down at her stomach. Little waves of passion were appearing on the surface-her stomach was like a small sea of lust and desire. Then it began to quiver. The ripples moved downward until they reached her genital area. She stopped all movement then, and told me to ram it in until she screamed. I did, and when the full dildo entered her pussy, she bowed up like a breeding cow. She was in such paroxysms of passion that her mouth was open, and her lips quivering. Finally, she sucked in a deep breath and I heard her piercing scream. Everything about her then relaxed, and I seriously considered whether or not she had died. In another moment though, she opened her eyes. There was a dreamy look on her face, and a smile on her lips. That was when she brought up the subject of the dog. When she asked me if I would like to try it with one, I told her yes. She told me to get off.
"I withdrew the monstrous dildo from her pulsating vulva, and she went out of the room. In a moment, she returned with the dirty-looking man and a large dog-it was a Doberman I think you know, one of those black dogs with a long nose. The first thing she did was to give the man some more money. Then she took a position on the floor on her hands and knees. I could see her eager body throbbing-trembling in anticipation as she waited for the dirty man to guide the dogs long red penis into her. The man got the animal into position. Then he began to masturbate the dog until an erection was obtained. The dog knew what he was doing alright. His penis went in and out of her privates so fast that she was gasping for breath. Finally, the dog reached his climax. He slowed in his jabbing, and then hunched up to her until I could see no space between them. I guess that is when the ball on his penis became swollen.
"Senora's arms collapsed, and she went to the floor. Her buttocks were still raised but her face was resting on the floor. She was in another world! She had her eyes open, but they were sightless-I don't know what was going on in her mind, but she just laid there and gasped. Her mouth was open and she was salivating. In a little while, the man was able to remove the dog. I then took a position-damn, but I wanted some of what she had gotten!
"The man got behind me, and I could feel the dog's first penetration. I was feeling his penis fully. But without warning, Senora jumped to her feet and told the man to take his dog and leave. I didn't even get to orgasm! I was upset, angry, sick with a need for that type of copulation, but she would not explain her action. She said nothing as she dressed, and after I asked her to explain her actions and got no answer, our conversation ceased."
Rachel was allowed to keep the rin-no-tama however. She inserted it before they left the room, and held it up into her with the folds of a handkerchief. They walked back to the hospital in utter silence. When they arrived there, Senora had nothing to say, and Rachel went straight to her room. She was very distraught. She silently undressed and climbed into her bed. Her only salvation was her insertion of the autoerotic device, tre rin-no-tama.
"I was absolutely ill," said Rachel to Doctor B. "I tried to get to sleep, but it was a fruitless effort. I lay there listening to the sounds of my sleeping roommates, wondering what the blonde would do-her name was Denise-if I went to her and made love to her. I wondered if she would accept me or reject me. Then I heard her rustling in her bed. My eyes had become accustomed to the darkness, and besides, we had a small blue night light that stayed on after dark. I looked in her direction. I could see her massaging her breasts, and then the cover moved down off of her body. She must have thought us both asleep. Her hand went to her pussy, and she began manipulation of her parts. I was transfixed. I watched as long as I could stand it. When she was lubricated and the wet sounds came to me, I could stand it no longer!"
Dr. B. "Did you go to her, Rachel?"
R. "Yes sir-I was so ferociously upset I couldn't stand it!"
Dr. B. "What did you do, and what happened?"
R. "Well, I went to her. I was stupid I guess, too fast. I put one of my hands on her lovely breasts. I felt her body stiffen. I kissed her full on her mouth, which was partially open, both in fantasy and surprise. She jerked quickly away, and called me a dirty queer bitch! Then she slapped the hell out of me and told me that if I ever tried to touch her again, she would report me!"
Dr. "What did you do then Rachel?"
R. "I went to my bed and cried myself to sleep."
Dr. "You did sleep then?" R. "Yes sir."
Dr. "Are you wearing your rin-no-tama now?"
R. "Yes sir-I just have to! I am so sexually upset that I can't stand it without some sort of stimulation."
The foregoing is but one of the series of interviews to which this writer had access. Dr. B. did not break the confidence of his patient, for at the time I was working with her myself.
The main line of attack on Rachel's problem was one of simple psychotherapy as opposed to psychoanalysis. We found that she was becoming better able to control her emotion-that is, as long as she stayed on a scheduled of visits to the counselor.
In due course, she came to us one day-a near normal person, finally. It was the day after she graduated from nursing school. And oddly enough, in spite of her problems, or perhaps, because of them, she was Number One in her class.
What was wrong with Rachel? This is an excellent question, and perhaps not answerable at all. For one thing, she had a congenital inclination toward nymphomania. Whether it came from her father or mother, who know? She had a tremendous hormone imbalance, which was brought under control. There were many sessions of deep hypnotherapy, during which time, she was able to release much of the hostility towards her parents-hostility which had been turned inward toward her own pitiful guilt-ridden self.
Suffice to say however, that one day-a most gratifying day, a quite normal young woman walked out into the world-or so it would have seemed.
CHAPTER NINE
A LAST LOOK AT RACHEL
That day-the day that Rachel was able to go out into the world-has been just about four years ago. She has most remarkably proven that understanding and tolerance can be beneficial to everyone, no matter how depraved.
Today, Rachel is not only one of the most respected members of her profession, but is actually a Supervisor or Nursing in one of our leading hospital. She is lovely-as beautiful as ever. She has gained an insight into herself that few of us are ever able to gain.
But, was the price too high? Certainly it was! There is no question about that. Poor Rachel, however, had no choice except to pay the price. Had she consulted professional help at an earlier stage in her illness, the price would have been far less-also, had anyone else really tried to help her. the price might have been less.
It is well, however, to take heart from her experiences. It is well for all who consider mental aberration a shameful thing to look upon Rachel as a beacon of hope-a beacon that perhaps may lead some others-others in need of treatment-into capable professional hands.
As I bring this book to a close, Rachel herself stands before me. She is smiling-her smile is confident. I would have marked her case as closed, except for one thing. As she read the last pages of this manuscript, her question was indicative that she still yearned for affection.
"Do you think the people who read this will like me?" she asked like a small child. I did not answer, I only looked at her as I had so many times before.
Then she laughed that deep throaty laugh of a mature young woman-a woman confident of the future.
"It really doesn't matter, does it?" she said. "Let's go get some coffee. I have to be on duty in about ten minutes."
"Wait a minute," I said, as I wrote this last line:
