"I had my first real sex-I mean all the way screw when I was twelve. Before that, I had fooled around a lot, letting guys feel me up, play with my pussy and my asshole. I even jerked a couple of guys off, but I never went the whole route of fucking until I met Chet.
"Chet was a man. All the others were boys-just smart-alecks who would have panicked if I had said 'yes' to them when they wanted to screw. But Chet was something else. He was about forty, and he was taking my mother out once in a while. That's how I met him....
"Chet and I really hit it off, and I don't know how it might have ended if he and my mother hadn't had that auto accident. They were both killed in a bad accident, and I found myself alone in the world. My only living relative was my mother's youngest brother, Rudy, who lived in a city about two hundred miles away....
"I got on fairly well in school, but I had grown so used to having money available when I wanted something, that I felt lost without it. Marge insisted that two bucks a week was plenty for a girl my age, but Rudy used to sneak me a few dollars extra, quite often. Rudy owned a garage, and had six guys working for him. My mother had told me that he had always been crazy about motors and engines and especially cars, even since he was a little boy, and he had started small and had built a very good business. He wasn't rich, but they lived good and had a real nice home.
"I guess that's where it all started, between me and Rudy-the sharing of the 'secret' that he was giving me extra money....
"The lonelier I became, the more determined I was that I was going to have my way with Rudy. It would be a double victory, because I really wanted to find out what he was like in bed. I could tell that he was feeling some of the same thing for me, by his eyes, and the way he subtly changed his contacts with me. I mean that he began to get me alone when she was out to the store, or at some sort of club thing. Marge was a real 'joiner,' all filled with the community spirit of sweetness and light, so she was gone a couple of nights a week.
"Rudy began to kiss me-just 'little girl' kisses at first, but I changed that quickly. When he kissed me, I opened my mouth and sucked his tongue in, and that got to him fast. He couldn't help but put his hand on my breast, then pull my body in close so that my pussy was rubbing against his cock-and I could feel it getting hard right away. We kept it at that for a few days, and I even stopped mouthing off to Marge, so she wouldn't suspect anything, but both Rudy and I knew that soon, we had to have each other....
"We could hardly wait to get at each other. Rudy just swept me into his arms as if we had been lovers for years, and he began to take off my clothes, kissing me on the breasts, the arms and neck, and finally, on the pussy and thighs! I was white hot by the time he got his clothes off, and I couldn't keep my hands off him. I wanted to play with his stiff cock, and do everything he wanted to make him happy. I hoped that he would want me to do things for him that he couldn't get Marge to do, because I was sure that she must be a cold-assed tomato in the hay. I wanted Rudy to think of me as a woman, and not just his sister's daughter-and to treat me that way....
"It was hard for the next few days, to look Marge in the eye without laughing in her face. I almost wished that she would catch us, so I could enjoy seeing her come apart at the seams, knowing that I had taken her husband from her. But we managed to control ourselves, and not give away our secret by even a look. Rudy managed to get me some of the birth-control pills and I began taking them. He was awfully concerned that I might get pregnant, and he told me that it had been so wonderful for him that he wouldn't let anything ever stop our lovemaking.
"I felt happy, but I still couldn't get rid of that feeling that I wanted to show Marge up. I wanted something that would remind me always that Rudy was my lover, not hers.
"Then I saw that lovely gold ankle slave bracelet in the jeweler's window, and I told Rudy I had to have it. I told him I wanted it engraved with his initials and mine, so that I would always have a reminder of our love, day and night. Rudy was afraid that Marge would want to see it, and would spot the initials and know about us, but I told him that nobody but he and I would ever know about it, so he got it for me, engraving and all, about a week later....
"I told Rudy how I felt and he just looked at me and laughed. 'You're something else,' he said, as he took my hand and led me back into his and Marge's room. When I crawled onto the bed, it made me feel I had won another round in the battle for Rudy. I could hardly wait for him to put his prick into me, so I could watch us in the full-length mirror that was hung on the wall near the bed. I had been hoping for that for a long time, and now, it was going to happen.
"Rudy crawled on the bed beside me and put his hand on my breast. Both of us were facing the mirror, looking at each other in it, smiling and enjoying it immensely. I reached behind me and began to play with Rudy's prick. It didn't take much playing to get it hard and erect, and I spread myself on the bed so that I could still look into the mirror, and spread my legs wide.
"'Fuck me, honey,' I told Rudy. 'Really give it to me tonight. Fuck me rough-make me squeal, daddy.' He pinched one nipple and grinned, 'You're a devil, Lori. I'm going to make you holler 'uncle!' "
"We giggled at the joke and then he crawled on me and began to shove his cock into me. Both of us were looking in the direction of the mirror at first, getting a real kick out of it, as if we were two different people, standing aside and watching the horny couple on the bed, going to town.
"We were speeding up, ready to explode, when both of us saw her in the mirror! Marge was standing there, her eyes black with hate! I just wanted to keep on going, and let her suffer some real torment, watching Rudy make me come-and in her own bed! But Rudy panicked....
* * *
The above was a condensation of the testimony of Penny K. She and her uncle were accused of a murder, and tried in a small Midwestern town. The key to the solution was, as she stated, a slave bracelet given to her by her uncle.
The pair were ultimately convicted-her uncle of second degree murder, and Penny of complicity because she withheld information from the police. She was charged with being an accessory after the fact, and is now incarcerated in a home for juvenile criminals.
At the time of her trial, she was thirteen years old! We cite this case as an example of the many tragic turns that uncle-niece incest may take, and to point up that this form of incest is far more common than is supposed.
It is assumed that the older person in such a sex situation is usually responsible, but case records are now proving that this is not necessarily true. In a majority of the cases studied, it was the young female who either instigated the sex act, or who willingly cooperated with the older male, with no coercion involved.
CHAPTER ONE
The Hero Always Gets the Girl
"I had never known a man like Mike. He was so different from all the jerks that I grew up with in that hick town. He was the best-looking boy I'd ever seen in my life-like a movie star. And the way the girls in his neighborhood followed him around-and to think that I was the one that he took out and made love to. It made me dizzy, just remembering it.
"Mike was my dad's youngest brother, and he is only seven years older than I am. It may seem funny-the closeness in age, but there were eleven children in my father's family. Daddy was the oldest and Mike was the youngest-they had big families in the country in those days, I guess. Anyhow, when my dad died, I went to live with my grandma and grandpa-my mother had died when I was three. Daddy never remarried, but I always had a housekeeper-an old lady named Mrs. Baum, who kept house and cared for me. She was nice. She wasn't real bossy or anything, and I used to be allowed to do a lot of things. I was an only child and daddy spoiled me pretty bad-at least, everyone said so.
"My grandparents had moved to the city a long time ago. My granddad's health got bad, and the doctors told him he needed a warmer climate, so they sold the farm and moved to California. Granddad was always a tight one with a dollar, and they had a pretty nice place. Besides, my dad had left a lot of insurance money for my bringing up and schooling, and granddad got a check every month that more than paid my way.
"Mike was the only one still living at home, when I went to live with them. He was eighteen then, in his last year of high school, and I was almost twelve. I had already started to menstruate and my breasts were taking shape. I had quite a bit of hair under my arms and around my pussy, but because it was such a light blonde shade, it hardly showed.
"I think I had a crush on Mike from the first time I laid eyes on him. He was so handsome, and always smiling-always kidding and making people laugh. I didn't remember much about him when he used to visit us in the country, except that he was always teasing me. He hadn't really stopped when I went to live with them.
"Only, his teasing was different, now. He would pinch me on the titty when I passed, or grab me by the fanny and goose me. Sometimes, he would grab me and hold me close and stick his tongue in my ear until it made me want to scream-or he'd stick his tongue into my mouth and get me all excited. Mike was strong. He was going to college on a football scholarship, and he had been on the wrestling team in high school, and he was a shotputter and discus thrower, too, on the track team.
"He had red hair that laid in soft curls and it made any girl want to just run her fingers through it. He was tall, and I heard one girl say he was 'built like a Greek god.'
"Anyhow, after my daddy died, it was Mike that made me feel welcome at granddad's. They were getting pretty old, and after having that many kids of their own, plus a lot of grandchildren running around, I guess they weren't too happy to have a young girl around. They were nice enough, but pretty old-fashioned and strict. Mike was the only one that could get his way with them, and he and I became good buddies right off.
"When I was about ten, I had begun to masturbate a lot, but after I went to live with my grandparents, and Mike began to fool around with my titties and my pussy, I did it almost every night when I went to bed. I used to pretend that it was his finger that was playing with my knob, or that he was on top of me, put ting his cock inside of me. I'd seen a couple doing that down by the swimming hole back home, and I watched the way she giggled, then moaned and groaned and rolled around, as if she wanted to scream with delight. I used to pretend it was that boy that was playing with me or screwing me when I masturbated, but now it was always Mike.
"We had a TV, but grandpa and grandma used to go to bed real early, and they never would let me stay up to watch after eight o'clock. But Mike fixed that. Nights when he was home, he'd sneak up to my room and tell me to come on down and watch TV with him. He always made sure his mother and father were asleep first, then he and I would sit in the big armchair and drink soft drinks and watch TV.
"I used to wear a nightie-the old-fashioned, down-to-the-floor kind, and when I would sit on Mike's lap he would tickle me. Sometimes he would play with the nipples of my breast, or he would run his fingers up and down the inside of my thighs-just brushing the lips of my pussy, but not sticking his finger in. I used to spread my legs and wish that he would really play with me-stick his finger up inside me and rub my clit. But he used to seem to get his kicks from just teasing me.
"I knew that I was beginning to have a nice shape. Boys at school used to whistle and a couple of them had even asked me to go to the movies with them, but my grandma said I couldn't date until I was sixteen, so that took care of that.
"It wasn't so bad, though, because if there was a good movie on that I really wanted to see, Mike would talk them into letting me go with him. We always had a real good time. He'd act as if I were his date-you know, put his arm around me and feel my titties, or run his hand up under my dress and fool with my thighs and rub my pussy lips once in a while.
"That's where it first happened between me and my Uncle Mike. I don't mean intercourse, but this one night, we both knew that it was more than a game we were playing. Mike had a car, and this night, we went to a drive-in movie. I don't even remember what the movie was. All I can remember is just knowing in my bones that Mike was going to do something 'different' to me. I just had a feeling like electricity was running up and down my body, and Mike was extra quiet on the way to the movie. I noticed that he kept looking at my legs. I was wearing a real short skirt, a thin blouse, and no bra. He just couldn't seem to concentrate on his driving, but he didn't say much. He just kept staring at me out of the corner of his eye.
"When we parked at the movie, and got the speaker attached, we settled down to watch the movie-or I did, anyhow. Mike was still staring at me in the dimness. It was as if I could feel his eyes burning holes through my clothes. Then he put his arm around me and pulled me close. He said a funny thing: he asked me how old I was! He knew perfectly well that I was almost thirteen years old.
"But he didn't wait for an answer. He said, 'Patsy, you're a beautiful girl. Did you know that?' Of course I thought I was attractive, but I got a thrill hearing Mike say it. He went on, drawing closer to my ear with his lips and talking softly. 'I shouldn't say 'girl,' because you're a woman-a lovely, budding woman.' As he was saying it, his other hand was running up under my skirt and he was feeling my breast with the hand that he had over my shoulder.
"I had always gotten a thrill from his touching me, but this time was different. I could feel little twitches starting inside my pussy and running up to my scalp. I could almost feel his fingers burning when he touched me. I'd had boys at school feel me up, and it gave me some kicks, but nothing like Mike's touch. And his lips were close to my ear, whispering and blowing softly in it. He knew that always turned me on, and he was pouring it on real good. Funny, but I suddenly remembered all the times I had masturbated, pretending Mike was making love to me, and here we were, all alone, and he was starting to do all the things I'd dreamed of him doing to me.
"I turned toward him and opened my lips. His arms closed around me and his tongue shot into my mouth. Almost without thinking, I reached out for the bulge in the front of his pants. I could see his cock getting hard for the last five minutes, and I just wanted to touch it, maybe stroke it or kiss it!
"Mike's tongue was driving me crazy, flicking in and out of my mouth. He freed one hand and rubbed my breast, and I really caught fire. I unzipped his pants and took his prick out. I ran my hand up and down it, feeling it and stroking it. I could hear Mike begin to gasp and to breathe heavily as his fingers grew more insistent on my breasts. He was actually hurting me as he dug his nails into the soft flesh, but it was a delicious hurt and I never wanted him to stop.
"I kept on playing with his cock and it throbbed and jumped in my hand. Mike kept getting more excited and he stopped kneading my breast and instead, he slid his hand down behind me, then up under my dress and began to pull off my panties. I lifted up to help him, and he dropped them on the floor. He crawled down on the floor, and pulled my legs sideways so he could reach my pussy, and he spread my legs and plunged his mouth down onto my pussy!
"It was like a tongue of flame being shoved into my cunt, and I automatically grabbed the back of his head and pulled him closer to me. He began to push his tongue into my pussy, touching the knob with every movement of it, and I began to heave my butt in rhythm with his tonguing.
"I was astonished when I came inside a minute ! It was my first real come with another person involved, and it happened so fast that it startled me. I gasped and moaned while Mike kept on sucking my clit and digging his nails into the soft flesh of my thighs. His cock was still out, standing up stiff and proud. I could see it in the dimness, and I could only think of one thing: I wanted to suck it! I wanted to feel it in my mouth and to tongue it and make Mike as thrilled as he had made me.
"I pushed him away and said bluntly, 'I want to kiss yours, Mike.' He looked at me in a strange way, but he scrambled back onto the seat and I crawled down so I was on my knees between his legs. I took his cock in my hand and began to lick it, going up and down the shaft of it, running my tongue around the rim of the head, and finally, I plunged it as deep into my mouth as I could, using a sucking motion all the while.
"I could feel Mike trembling and hear him panting and saying, 'Oh, God-oh, God-do it, baby-do it!'
"Before I realized what was happening, my mouth was flooded with his hot, sticky semen. It came out in such strong jets that all I could do was to swallow it and keep on sucking. He was bucking with his ass to make the last little throb of joy last longer, and then he pushed me away, I thought maybe I had displeased him, but he said, 'Look, honey-we've got to get out of here! I've got to do you up good, and have some more of you, and this damned place is too wide open!'
"He started the car and I nestled beside him. His pants were still unzipped and I put my hand inside and played with his half-stiff prick. He smiled at me and told me it felt so good that I Wouldn't be sorry when we got to a place where we could be alone and he could thrill me.
"He headed out of town, and near the outskirts, he stopped at a motel. It was a small place and it looked pretty dead. He told me to stay in the car and he went in and got a room. The old lady didn't even look out, although I was squeezed down on the seat so she couldn't have seen me if she had looked. Mike got a single bed place, and we drove to the last cabin in the group. He had told the manager that he wanted to be as far back from the road as he could, so he could get a good night's sleep, and she had given him the very last one.
"When I walked in, I felt strange-not guilty, but queer. I had never been inside a motel before, and I don't know what I expected, but it was nice and clean, and that was all that counted. Mike flipped on the lights and then he took me in his arms and kissed me. 'Don't be scared, Marlene,' he said gently. 'I love you, and I promise I won't hurt you. You'll see. Just trust me.'
"I was still heated up and excited from sucking his prick and playing with it in the car, and I knew that he meant that he wanted to do more than just lick my pussy. He wanted to fuck me. I could tell by the way he kept looking at me while I undressed and he stripped.
"When I was naked, I laid down on the bed with my legs spread. I noticed that the nipples of my breasts were hard and standing up. Mike had begun to get a real good hard-on again, and he walked over and sat beside me on the bed, his hands on either side of me. He leaned over and kissed my nipples, then my stomach and finally, he began to stick his tongue up inside my aching, wet cunt. I could hardly wait. I reached out and began to jerk his cock, but he took my hand away and climbed on the bed, taking a position between my outstretched legs. He was on his knees, and his prick stood up stiffly. He said, 'Don't be scared, honey. Just try to relax and tell me if I hurt you, so I can change around. It might hurt a little bit when I shove it in, but in a couple of minutes, you'll forget all about it-it will be so good for you!'
"I was nervous, but not about his hurting me-I just wanted to get going, so I could see if it was as wonderful as I had imagined, having a man fuck me!
"Mike lowered his body after he had put both pillows under my fanny to raise it up to meet the level of his prick. He was on his knees and he edged up closer to my pussy until the head of his cock just brushed the lips of my cunt. He spread the lips of it with one hand and took his prick in the other, and then he slowly began to lower his body.
"When I felt the head of it entering my pussy, it felt so big and round and hard that I wondered if Mike had been lying to me about how much it might hurt. It didn't seem possible that he could get that big thing inside me, but it didn't really hurt. He worked slowly, inching a little bit more of his prick inside me with each stroke. As I got wetter and hotter, his prick slid in easier. I put my legs up high and let them rest on the back of his hips, and I felt his cock going in real deep. It did hurt, but it began to feel so good, like he said it would, that I wasn't even aware of any pain after the first minute or so. When he had it going in and out smoothly, Mike let his weight down on my body a little more, and he reached under me with one hand and held my ass, pulling me up to meet his thrusts.
"I began to moan and writhe, it was so wonderful. I wanted to just take him all the way inside me and keep him there forever. He leaned forward and began kissing my lips and eyes and neck, and I was on a cloud! I was somebody different, and I was standing beside the bed and looking at every movement I made. I kept soaring higher and higher, getting dizzy from the ecstasy, and then a shower of stars burst inside my cunt!
"Mike was pumping fast now, and I was lunging upward to meet him. His cock was touching the very depths of my cunt, but it was massaging the little knob as it went in and out, and I had my first real fucking orgasm! Mike came about a second or two later, and we just let go, rolling around the bed, biting, kissing, thrusting and coming. I had another lightning climax just as Mike was slowing down, and when he relaxed, his cock still in me, I put my arms around him and hugged him to my body.
"He asked, 'Was it good for you, baby?' I told him in gasps, that it was too wonderful to even describe, and that I wanted more of it.
"He said that we would have to be going, so grandpa didn't suspect anything, because Mike always had me home when he had said he would, before. But he did take time to kiss my breasts and suck my cunt a little, and he told me I should wash it out real good in the bathroom, then take a pee.
"I did what he said, and he got dressed and helped me into my clothes, kissing me and feeling me up all the while. I wished that we could stay all night, naked, together like we were, but Mike grinned and said that there would be a lot of nights like that from now on-and there were-even better ones!"
A study of young girls who are addicted to masturbation reveals that almost 100 percent of them fantasize about a close relative-that is, during their early teen and subteen years.
Statistics are deceiving concerning incest, for the simple reason that all families consider it sinful and shameful and tend to try to cover it up at all costs.
Marlene was in a classic position to engage in an incestuous relationship with her uncle, for several reasons. She had lived for the past few years in an atmosphere of masculinity, for after her mother died, Marlene lived with her father. That she formed an attachment for him is undoubtedly true, even though she may not have realized that she had also formed a sexual attachment to him.
As her body was developing into that of a young woman, she was also developing the mating instincts of all girls. It is well to note that psychiatrists are in complete accord that a young girl is at her sexually aggressive peak between the ages of twelve and sixteen.
When her father passed away, Marlene doubtless felt forlorn and desolated. Her father had been the center of her life, which meant that she needed a strong male figure to replace him.
Placed in the care of her aging grandparents, Marlene deeply felt the lack of communication, the fact that they had nothing in common.
It was quite natural that she would fall in love with (infatuated with is a better phrase) the first young male who came along. That Mike was handsome, athletic, jovial and, as we have seen, able to communicate with Marlene at her level of intelligence and emotion, merely enhanced the chances that incest would result.
Medical science has established firmly that a child's first spiritual and sexual attachment is connected with a member of the immediate family-usually of the opposite sex. Boys usually form a strong attachment for their mother or an older sister-or, if she is in close enough contact, an aunt.
Girls quickly throw off the natural "mother attachment" and become enraptured with an older brother or the father. When the father image is removed (as it was in Marlene's case), the sexual and emotional attachment is usually transferred to the nearest male, of whatever age. In cases where a young girl is bereaved of her father at an early age, she invariably instigates sexual contact with a brother, regardless of his age. Many case histories show that in brother-sister incest, it is the girl who usually triggers the sex. play and pushes it through to consummation of the sex act in full intercourse.
There is a natural awareness in the minds of most young people, male or female, that incest is wrong-not so much morally or on religious grounds, but because of a danger of disrupting the family structure, if found out. Usually, after a few childish experiments such as playing "Doctor," or merely exploring the organs of the other sibling, the child is satisfied and soon his attention is transferred to an area outside the family, as he enters school.
"Out of sight, out of mind" seems to apply aptly in most cases of early sex play with a relative, and as the focus of his activities shifts to other arenas, so does the child's sex interests.
None of these elements was present in Marlene's case. She had been an only child who had lost her mother and then her father, thus, any thoughts on the matter of "breaking up a home" were not forthcoming to her. Death had already destroyed all her close family ties. As she matured and began to function as a young lady (menstruation, growth of pubic hair) she also began to develop emotionally into a young woman.
Mike, although her uncle, was a stranger to her. He was young, handsome, happy-go-lucky-and, most important, he was close at hand. Mike quickly saw the budding young breasts and the changing of her body from a gangly stage to a curvesome one, and he made tentative passes at her (feeling her breasts, tongue kissing, etc.) to see just how grown up Marlene was. Beyond doubt, had she objected or "tattled" to her grandparents, Mike would have desisted, but when she responded, no matter how coyly, incest was bound to result.
Once aroused, Marlene could not help herself. As she masturbated, she fantasized about Mike. She saw him many times each day. She came to "hero worship" him for his good looks and gay manner, as well as his athletic prowess. He was a ready-made, ideal sex partner, and Marlene sensed it instinctively.
She felt no guilt, as we pointed out before, because she saw no danger to the family relationships, and also, because Mike was, in effect, a total stranger.
Under different circumstances, there is little doubt that Marlene would have settled upon a sex object, of whatever age that was available and willing. This is not to blame her for the incestuous relationship, but merely to accent her strong part in developing it. As we shall see later, it was not a game with her, nor a brief fling, as it might have been to a much more mature young lady. Mike became her idol-her man, in a very real sense.
Many women have admitted that they never entirely forget their first sexual affair, nor do they ever quite relinquish a "certain" close feeling for the man who first deflowered them. Marlene was no exception. As time passed, and other boys began to become important to her, she was able to put Mike aside for a time, but always, he was "the one"-the man to whom she had willingly surrendered her virginity.
In his excellent book, Sex Is Everywhere, sexologist Gordon B. Strunk points out some interesting sidelights to incestuous behavior. He says: "Sexual fondling of young children by adults and adolescents, such as aunts and uncles who pretend to cuddle and love, account for a large number of incestuous relationships later on, including the performance of intercourse.
"Accomplished intercourse unfortunately affects future adjustments to sexual normalcy in addition to the sordid immediate effects on the individuals involved. Though not clearly defined as yet, there seems to be a clear tie-in with early incestuous acts and later homosexuality-particularly in the case of the female.
"Very often, she is abused by a relative and becomes wary, then bitter to all males. This ultimately drives her to the more gentle and 'emotional' love of woman for woman, and often, the lesbianism lasts for life.
"Another factor in later development of sex patterns is the fact of guilt. Since most civilized human societies have strong taboos against incest, the young child eventually finds that what he has done (or is still doing) is considered wrong, sinful and immoral, by any yard stick he may apply to it-the law, the family, the church and the community in which he lives.
"Thus, the seeds of guilt are deeply embedded, and we often find that the person who has engaged in a lengthy or disastrous incestuous affair, subconsciously seeks to be punished for his guilt. If, on the other hand, this individual places the entire blame on a member of the opposite sex, it is but a short step to hating and fearing any member of the opposite sex.
"Prostitutes have revealed that a large percentage of them actually hate men, because their first sexual experiences were at the hands of a close relative, or if not, then a brutish, uncaring male."
It would seem then, that Marlene had escaped all the more dire results of incest, but the human ego is not that simple to put aside. Marlene, in addition to giving her body to Mike, had given him her total love. She did not truly love her grandparents. Her own parents were dead. All the love she was capable of feeling, went to her uncle, Mike. When the relationship broke off, as it had to when Mike left for college, Marlene's world came tumbling down about her head. It was an even more shattering loss than that of her father, since her love for Mike took the form of boy-girl "fun," as well as being the love of a rapidly maturing woman for an adult man.
In this situation, it was natural that Mike would be the one to develop guilt feelings. Naturally, his first thought was to break off the affair before something tragic occurred-such as Marlene getting pregnant.
However, Mike was not a usual, run-of-the-mill young man. He had had sexual intercourse with a neighbor girl when he was thirteen. He had been caught, the first time, and his parents had made his life a virtual prison. He never dated until they died, when Mike was seventeen, and this left him with a severe fear of women. Mike did not date much in high school and when he did, it was merely to escort a girl to a game or a school dance, then bid her good-bye.
When Marlene appeared on the scene, Mike made the same immature mistake that many child molesters, seducers and rapists make-he thought of Marlene as a "child," a toy that he could have fun with. He didn't count on her being able to arouse him fully to the point where he would want to possess her sexually, and before he realized it, his emotions and passions had gotten out of his control.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," the poet says, and it is a truism that cannot be contradicted. Fury knows no age limits; a young snake is as deadly as a full grown one. In a few short months, a lion cub becomes as dangerous as the mother or father, and thus it is with humans. Hate can be an overpowering emotion that leads to the destruction of the hated as well as the hater.
Let us continue with Marlene's account of her passionate affair with "Uncle Mike."
"After that first time in the motel, I couldn't get enough of Mike. I thought about him at school, at home, when I went to bed at night. He was there all the time, as I had seen him, naked, all man! When the boys began to ask me to go out, I guess they thought I was a snob, because when I'd look at them, I mentally compared them with my uncle Mike, and they didn't interest me at all.
"I guess I was dreading it all along, but I still wasn't ready to give Mike up when he left for college. We had a wonderful summer together. Mike had to report to college early to begin football practice with the freshman team, and we crowded everything we could into the few weeks he had until college. We used to go swimming at night. We'd go to the beach and build a fire. It was like we were the only ones in the whole world, and after the fire died down, we would always make love-lots of different ways.
"One weekend, we went up to a cabin in the mountains that was owned by the father of one of Mike's buddies, and we were all alone-like being married.
"Mike was awfully horny that time, and for the first time, he had me in the asshole! I don't know just how it all started. I remember that he was kissing my body all over. We had already fucked the regular way. We had hiked through the woods most of the afternoon, and we were both tired, so I just laid there and let Mike smother my body with kisses and caresses. He rolled me onto my stomach and began to kiss the back of my neck, then down to my fanny, between my thighs-he made me tingle all over. Then, without warning, I began to menstruate! I jumped and ran for the bathroom and inserted a sanitary napkin. I was embarrassed, of course, and all I could think of was to apologize to Mike for spoiling our weekend together. He waved his hand and said it didn't matter, but it mattered to me. I was hot as hell every time I had the rag on, and I wouldn't leave him alone. I kept on fooling around and kissed his naked body all over, and finally, I got him good and hard.
"I told him that I would suck him off, that there was no point in both of us going without, but he balked. He said it wasn't fair to me, and he convinced me that he really was too tired. I asked him to rub my legs and back. The muscles in the back of my legs were tired and sore, and he got some body lotion that I had brought, and while I relaxed on my stomach, Mike began to rub my back. When he moved down to my thighs, I was feeling so sleepy and relaxed that I didn't even notice that he was working on the cheeks of my ass. He would push hard on them, spreading them open so that he could see my asshole real good, close up.
"He didn't say a word. He was naked all the time, and suddenly, I felt him on his knees between my legs. He leaned forward and I felt his cock brushing the crack of my ass. I thought he was just teasing me, and that he wouldn't put his cock into my cunt when I was bleeding the way I was. I hadn't noticed that he had smeared the body lotion all over the end of his cock. The next thing I knew he was shoving it up my asshole!
"It hurt like hell, and for some strange reason, it made me furious! I guess I'd heard the kids pop off about being 'cornholed,' and all that dirty stuff, but I never believed that people really did that! I tried to roll away, but Mike put one hand down on the small of my back and held me down while he kept on shoving his cock into my asshole, deeper with every jab.
"Then he just let his whole weight down on me, holding me almost helpless, while he reached around under me and shoved one finger up inside my cunt and began to rub my clit in rhythm with the pokes of his prick up my ass!
"I began to relax as his cock slid in and out a lot easier, and besides, he was turning me on with his fingering and there was a funny wonder or curiosity building up inside my brain. I wondered how many other ways there were to have sex, that I had never dreamed of! And at the end, I was really beginning to enjoy it! Mike took his finger out of my cunt and concentrated on his own come, so I just put my finger inside me and masturbated myself. I came when I felt his hot load of juice shooting deep into my asshole, and it wasn't bad. Not as good as being fucked, but still, it was satisfying.
"When Mike collapsed and lay beside me, breathing hard, I was proud, in a silly way. There was nothing that I wouldn't do to please him, and now, I'd learned another way-a way that might come in handy, when I was menstruating, or when Mike was in the mood for something different.
"He started to apologize, but. I shut him off with a kiss. I told him it was all right-that anything that pleased him was all right with me. He laid there a long time with me in his arms, and I finally fell asleep.
"In the morning, he explained what had happened to him. He said that he had heard the guys talking about ass-fucking, and he had always wondered about it. He said he never would try it with a guy, like some of the guys bragged that they had done, but that it still intrigued him. He said he wouldn't ask me to do it that way anymore, and I could see he really was ashamed; He felt bad too, because I could suck him off, or let him shove it up my ass, but there wasn't much he could do to really make me come when I was menstruating.
"When we got home, Mike started to get ready to go off to college, and although the school was only a little more than a hundred miles away, I felt like he was going to another world. I felt a lot worse than I had when my dad died, but then, I loved Mike a lot more than I ever had loved anyone.
"We had one good night together before he left-and it turned out later to be the most important night we'd ever spent together. The only thing that spoiled it was that I cried almost all night. I was like a baby, crying for a bottle. I just hated to even go to sleep, knowing that I would be wasting all those hours. We went to the same motel where I first had Mike, but this time it seemed ugly and dirty.
"Mike was sweet-the sweetest he'd ever been. He said he just wanted to have me the straight way-that he wanted to just thrill the both of us by locking our bodies together by intercourse. We had intercourse twice, then I kissed him until he was ready again, and then we had a third fuck. I could always go longer than Mike, and he was pooped when he finished. He fell asleep in my arms, and I think I stayed awake until daylight, just holding him and feeling sorry for myself at losing him. We had already talked about how I could visit him some weekends, but all that seemed so far away and so impossible, that it didn't help.
"We went home very early. I had said I was staying with a girl friend, and Mike was supposed to have been with a fellow who was also going to college with him. Because Mike was leaving that morning, he said he would pick me up and bring me home early so I could go to the bus depot with him, and grandpa didn't suspect a thing.
"I don't know how I ever kept from fainting or going into hysterics when he climbed on that bus and waved good-bye. Then he was gone. I was alone again. I tried to tell myself that I could hang on to the dreams and memories, but I was kidding myself. I needed him. I wanted him to belong to me forever. I didn't want to be away from him even one day!
"I couldn't concentrate on school when it started. I began to get skinny, and nervous, and then, the whole world turned black. I had tried to put any worry aside, but it was there all the time after I missed my first period. I knew I was pregnant! I had all the symptoms-nausea, pains inside my body-and I had already begun to show a little bulge. I figured it out on a calendar and I knew I had to be at least three months gone!
"I panicked. I couldn't tell my grandparents-it would have killed them-especially if they thought that Mike was the father. Probably my grandpa would have killed me, for get ting his 'baby' in such a jam. But most of all, I was worried about what Mike would say or do.
"I had no one to turn to. Panic began to really get to me. I even thought of committing suicide, but that mood didn't last long. I guess I began to think like a woman for the first time, because I sat down and analyzed the whole thing. I came up with the thought that, this was what had happened, so we had to work it out-me and Mike. And, in a vague way, I did want to have the baby, even though I hadn't the slightest idea of what I'd do for a living. Mike had to work for his meals and board at college, and there wouldn't be any left over to see after me or a baby. Grandpa was out. He was pretty strait-laced, and I didn't have the guts to tell him. I didn't feel close enough to anyone to even let on, so I just stood still and did nothing.
"It was one of the teachers at school that spotted my condition and cornered me and put it right point blank. Miss Felton was her name, and she asked me right out if I was pregnant. I was desperate enough by then to blab to anybody. I wasn't a grown woman-I was just a scared, lonely little girl, who was not yet fourteen.
"I thought she would turn me in, but she didn't. She was so nice. She said I should keep quiet about it and we would work something out-somehow. I had to believe in somebody, so I did what she said.
"A week later, she told me that she had it all arranged. I would stay with her until the baby came, then all the expenses would be paid by a family who would take the baby and raise it as their own.
"It was an out, but I wondered if Mike would hate me for giving his baby away. I hadn't told him-Miss Felton said I shouldn't, but I had to give him a chance, so I called him collect at the school.
"I almost came apart at the seams at his reaction. He screamed at me-called me a dumb little bastard-he even said it probably wasn't his baby, because he knew what a hot little ass I had!
"He said that if I ever told his mother and father, he'd beat the hell out of me, and that he would deny the whole thing anyhow! I was in a daze after talking to him, and I just stayed at Miss Felton's-Irma's. I never went back to my grandparents. I wrote a note and told them that I couldn't stand living there anymore, and that I was running away. I guess they never did notify the cops or anyone, because there was nothing in the papers about it.
"Even the school didn't dig much. I wrote a note and said I was transferring to a school back east, and I guess they thought 'good riddance,' because that was all there was to it.
"I came to adore Irma in the next few months. She was so good to me-so kind and understanding. I guess I lived there almost a month before she let me know what she was doing all this for. I suppose you've already guessed that she was a lesbian. But she is the kindest, gentlest person I have ever known in my life. I was so hungry for some loving that when she began to massage my breasts one night, then kiss them and suck on the nipples, I wouldn't have been able to resist anyone-man or woman or child. I had become so used to have Mike love me, and for me to love, and it smashed me all up inside, the way he had talked to me.
"I loved him, but at the same time, I hated his guts! He acted as if it was all my fault, that he had nothing to do with it! Sure, I was a dumb little bastard, but if he was so smart, I don't know why he didn't at least use a safety! He knew I was menstruating, and that should have told him that I could get pregnant. All he ever said was, 'Take a pee, honey, and wash it out good with warm, soapy water!' Big, wonderful man of the world.
"Anyhow, by the time the baby came, I was already in love with Irma. I knew that nobody could ever match her for kindness and sweetness, and her lovemaking was as sweet and satisfying as I'd always dreamed of. I had learned to perform cunnilingus for her, just the way she liked it, and she was so patient with me, while my stomach was all swelled up and I felt like I was a freak.
"When the baby was born, I asked for something to put me to sleep. I didn't want to see it, and I never did. It was adopted when it was three days old. All I know is that it was a girl. I don't know what it weighed, what color eyes or hair it had-nothing. Irma felt it was best that way. I don't think of it often, except to wonder a little bit whether it looked like me or Mike.
"Irma and I moved to a new neighborhood on the far side of the city, after she asked to be transferred. It was a lot easier. I didn't have to sneak around, afraid someone who knew me would see me and blab to my grandparents or to the school authorities.
"I wanted to quit school, but Irma insisted I go, so I took her name and passed as her younger sister. That made our living together a lot safer, too. We stayed together and were desperately in love for three years. When I graduated from high school, I was really a grown-up person. And why not? An incestuous affair with an uncle that had given me a baby-then three years with a lesbian. God, did I ever feel I was older than seventeen!
"I took a job as a waitress when I was through school. I was on a moddy kick where I wanted to see what the world of men-and 'straight' women-was all about. I tried to be obvious with guys that looked okay, and a lot of them asked me for dates. But I just froze up. I couldn't let any of them put his arm around me or kiss me, let alone feel me up or undress me. I wanted it, but I couldn't have it.
"I've read a lot since then-psychology books and stuff, and I guess I feel guilty about the baby, about the incest, about becoming a lesbian-about my whole life since my father died. I may be able to break out of it someday and live a regular life. Right now, I live with two other girls and they are both lesbians. I have sex often, but it doesn't turn me on anymore. I don't know if it ever will, or if I'll ever be able to know a man's body again. I'm not ready to try it yet. It seems like I'm in a cage, with the key hanging right outside, where I can reach it, but when I start to-it disappears, almost as if it were all a nightmare.
"If I can save enough money, maybe I'll go to a psychiatrist. I don't believe in that 'headshrinking' shit, but I don't know what else to do. I don't want to stay this way, and I'm afraid to have a man fuck me, because I have that big hang-up about the baby. If I ever do find a man that loves me, I'll have to tell him the whole rotten story, and risk losing him. But if he can stick with me, after hearing my sad story, I know he and I will be able to work it outmake it work-all the way."
NOTE: Marlene, as of this writing, has taken the first step toward self-help. She has attended several group therapy sessions and seems much encouraged at the lifting of even a small part of her guilt feelings. Perhaps as time goes by, with private sessions, she will, as she so desperately wishes to, "make it work-all the way."
CHAPTER TWO
The Gay Old Dog
"I'd seen my uncle Mark a lot of times, of course, but he always seemed so much older than my daddy, and my other uncles that he was more like a grandfather to me than an uncle. He was almost twenty years older than my mother. He was her oldest brother, and I only saw him once in a while, and always when there was a whole bunch of 'family' around.
"It was a lot different when my dad died, and he came to live with us. I guess I knew from the first day he got there that he was-well, different. The way he looked at me, and a couple of times, the things he said. I was only ten, and I didn't have any titties yet, but he used to like me to sit on his lap, and he'd put his hands on my breasts and play with the nipples. It made me feel sort of funny, even then, but my mother never thought anything of it. She thought that it was nice that he liked me so well.
"A kid never really knows what an uncle or cousin or an old friend of the family is pulling. Looking back, I remember a dozen men who used to play with my pussy while they pretended to be just 'loving' me, and neither of my parents thought a damned thing about it. I know this: when I was six or so, I was so used to having my cunt fingered that I masturbated almost every day. I didn't even have any 'daydreams' about it-I just finger-fucked myself, because it felt good. It never was as good when I did it as it was when some man was doing it, but still, it was better than nothing.
"I never used to use anything else but my finger, not for a long time. Then I tried a weiner! Another girl and me were fooling around at her house one day-she was older than I was-and she told me that a weiner worked good, so I tried it. I guess it was almost like being screwed, now that I think of it.
"Anyhow, to get back to my uncle Mark. I was always my daddy's favorite, and when he died, I felt like I was all alone, because my mother was always busy with my two brothers. They're twins, and they were only three when my daddy died. I guess it wasn't her fault. Somebody has to look after kids that young all the time. '
"That's why my uncle Mark came to live with us. My mother just couldn't find anyone that would watch the babies-at least, not at the price she could afford. We didn't live in a big city, where they have a lot of day nurseries. She had to ask friends, and there wasn't much insurance money left. I don't know what kind of work she would have got anyhow-she never worked at anything all her life, except being a housewife.
"She called my uncle and he came to see us. He was a salesman and he covered the whole state, so it really didn't matter much if his headquarters were in our town, or where he had lived for years-a city about sixty miles away. So he came to live with us.
"I had never really known him, so I didn't know if I liked him or not. All I remembered was that he always held me on his lap and played with me, and he always gave me money-dimes or quarters. A little kid judges people by what they do for them, not by what they really are, so I guess I thought Uncle Mark was okay.
"He started right away. Almost the first night he was there, my mother went over to a neighbor's house for something, and she had hardly got out of the door before Mark had me on his lap. I was watching TV, and he picked me up-I was lying on my stomach on the floor and held me in his lap. I could feel his hot hand through my panties, and I knew what he was going to do. He gave me the usual jazz-you know-'My, my-haven't we grown up into a pretty young lady-' that sort of thing. He kept on kissing me on the cheek, and after a while he turned my face and kissed me on the mouth.
"I guess I let go. I didn't mean to, but I missed my daddy-really, I missed a man paying attention to me, so I kissed him back. Before I knew it, we were sucking tongue-long, juicy kisses and all the while he was shoving his finger up inside my pussy, tickling my clit and making me sweat and pant. I didn't know what it was I wanted, but I remember that I spread my legs wider all the time so he could go deeper with his finger.
"My mother came back that night and he just pretended that I was sitting on his lap and doing nothing. I had sense enough to pretend, too, and my mother just smiled and went to the kitchen and did something or other.
"Uncle Mark kissed me on the cheek quickly and said 'We'll have lots of fun together, Ruthie,' and he put me down on the chair we'd been sitting in and went into the kitchen and talked to my mother. I went to bed right after that, but I masturbated, and I think it was the first time that I imagined it was his finger inside me, instead of just mine.
"Like I said, he was gone a lot at first. I don't know if it was because of me or not, but he asked to be put on a route where he could be home every night, and in a couple of weeks, his company worked it out for him. My mother thought it was wonderful of him to give up money in order to be close to us, to help us more. She never did get wise, I guess-until it was way too late.
"Uncle Mark never paid any attention to the boys. Oh, he'd look at them once in a while, or tweak their cheeks, but it was me he was interested in. He began to offer to 'babysit' so my mother could go out more often. I remember him always telling her: 'You're still a young, attractive woman, Ella. Life can't stop just because Jack died. Get out more. Live a little before you're too old to enjoy it-like me!'
"My mother ate it up. She was always telling people how wonderful her 'big brother' was to her and her kids-but, believe me, he was getting what he wanted, all the time.
"Mom did start to go out more often. Not with men-just to neighborhood doings or friends' houses to play penny-ante poker-things like that. I never did see a man with her-at least, they never came to the house. Uncle Mark really did support the whole family, all the way. There were three bedrooms in our house. My mother slept downstairs with the twins, and I slept upstairs, and Uncle Mark's room was next to mine. He said it was best that way, because then my mother wouldn't have to be running upstairs at night to see about the twins. And also, he wouldn't be awakened if they fussed or cried, as he had to get up real early every morning. Anything he wanted, he got. My mother thought he was just made of solid gold. If she had only known!
"The first time he really did anything except play with my pussy was when I was about ten years old. He came home late that night. We'd all been in bed for quite a while, and I was asleep. So was my mother. He made sure she was, I'm positive, before he came into my bedroom. He was stark naked! When I woke up, he had crawled into bed with me and I could feel his bare skin close to me. I wore a nightgown and it was always pulled way up around my neck from my twisting and tossing in my sleep. I could also feel his hands-one rubbing my ass cheeks and the other shoved between my legs from the front.
"Funny, but I wasn't scared when I awoke. I knew it was him, and I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I guess maybe he had already began to get me hot with his feeling and rubbing, because when I woke up, I just turned over and he pulled me close to him. He began to kiss me and I kissed him back-tonguing his mouth and wiggling closer to him. His hand was on my ass-cheeks and one finger was shoved into my asshole-not deep, but it tickled and made me feel funny between my legs.
"I felt his cock pushing against my stomach, and he began to squinch down in the bed so that it was even with my cunt, but he didn't try to put it in. He just rubbed it so that it went in between my legs, rubbing the lips of my pussy.
"He kept going down farther, kissing my neck, then my nipples and my stomach, and he twisted me around so that I was on my back. He spread my legs and moved down so that his head was between my legs. I could feel his hot breath on my wide-open pussy. I knew he was going to kiss it and stick his tongue inside, like he did my mouth, and I was squirming and panting for breath.
"When he put his mouth on the lips of my pussy and spread the lips with his fingers, I thought I'd faint-it made me feel so-so drunk! guess that's what it feels like to be drunk, anyhow. My head was going around and all I could think of was for him to put his tongue inside and touch my knob, like he did with his finger. I automatically reached down and pulled his head in closer, and he began to run his tongue in and out of my cunt.
"I was numb with the pleasure it brought to my whole body. It was so warm-his tongue-it slipped in and out so easily, and when he began to nibble at my clit, I discovered for the first time that he wore false teeth! I knew from the way he was biting down on my knob that it should really hurt a little. Instead, it felt wonderful !
"I just kept having one spasm of joy after another. I suppose it wasn't really an orgasm, but it just left me weak, but feeling like I was as light as a feather, floating on the air.
"Uncle Mark rolled over so that I was straddling his face, and he kept on sucking and licking and nibbling my cunt, and all the while he was jerking off. I didn't know what that was then, but I do now, and he was jerking his cock like crazy. After a while, I felt some warm, sticky juice hit my back, and he really bit my cunt as hard as he could-or I should say, he 'gummed' it!
"Then he stopped and got up and took his handkerchief and wiped me off, and cleaned his cock real good. I was fascinated watching it get soft and finally hang down like a limp rag, and I giggled a little. Uncle Mark put his fingers to his lips to warn me not to wake my mother or the babies, and he bent over and kissed me and said, 'Don't forget, Ruthie, this is our very own secret!' As if I'd ever tell anybody and take a chance of not getting any more of that good stuff!
"I didn't have to masturbate that night. I was so exhausted from all the 'comes' I'd had that I went to sleep right away. I didn't dream that there could be things we would do that were even more exciting than that, but there were-a whole lot more!"
Here we have the classic situation for uncle niece incest. A young girl recently bereft of her father-the only male image she has ever known-and a man who had doubtless never laid an offensive hand on her body in a sexual gesture.
Yet, Ruth was entering the stage in her life where her body was beginning to make demands on her for satisfaction of her budding sexual awareness. She needed the attention of a male to replace that of her dead father, and, in Ruth's case, an older man had a far greater chance to get through her wall of loneliness than would a young boy of her own age, or a bit older.
Uncle Mark was a lonely man. He had never married. He had been a salesman for most of his adult life, leading the life of a nomad, with no sex anchor. His bouts with females had been confined to prostitutes and bar pickups and this, in itself, made him a threat to any pure, innocent young female. He was sated to the teeth with wild aggressive, money-hungry type female. Probably (if he runs true to type according to psychiatric records), Mark still harbored a vague dream that somewhere, somehow, he would find a pure, unspoiled woman who would make no monetary demands on him, and who would not instantly size him up for what he really was-a lecherous, somewhat bored old man.
Mark followed the typical pattern of the older man with a young girl at his disposal, ac cording to psychiatric studies. He began with fondling, exciting the young creature and, at the same time, building up a need for more of this new and intriguing treatment. At the same time, he was building a confidence in Ruth's mind that her uncle Mark would not only not harm her, but instead, provide a new source of pleasure that she had heretofore only dreamed about.
In her own recollections, Ruth states that she masturbated only rarely, and that even when she did, she did not associate the pleasurable feeling with any member of the opposite sex-or indeed, of her own sex. Her brief experimentation using a foreign object (the weiner) to add depth to the masturbatory feeling, was a chance happening and again, she did not associate the weiner in her thoughts with the male penis. She had not yet become aware of phallic symbolism. She was virginal, untouched and innocent, a perfect target for a man such as her uncle.
Another factor that must have had a great deal to do with her trust and eventual delight in her uncle, was the "hero" role that he was playing in her life, and that of her family-her mother and brothers. She was old enough to be aware that he was the economic mainstay of the family, and in her childish mind, he was naturally a "good guy" if only because her mother treated him as one.
In the light of what happened later, it is safe to conjecture that Ruth associated no shame or guilt with her sex acts. All children derive pleasure from the excitation of their sex organs and also the anus. Most begin to play with such organs at an astonishingly early age.
Ruth was unusual in that she was the oldest child. Usually, when a girl has older brothers, or lives in close proximity to male cousins or uncles, she has been fondled by them or has engaged in childish experiments with sex organs-the "Let's play doctor," or "You show me yours and I'll show you mine," syndrome.
Ruth knew only that her sex organs were a source of delight when she played with them. When Uncle Mark came into her life, she discovered that it was even more pleasurable when he fondled her. Quickly then, Ruth began to wonder at the delights that awaited her as her uncle's advances became more intense. When he used his tongue to massage her clitoris, he launched her into a new orbit of joy. She experienced what, to her, was her first full orgasm-minor as it may have been. Little wonder that she looked forward with eagerness to more thrills delivered by the hands and mouth of her uncle. At that point, she did not even associate full intercourse with the ultimate in male-female contact.
However, as the human body develops physically, it also grows sexually and, even then, Ruth knew instinctively that there must be additional sex acts that would give her pleasure. She wanted that pleasure, and it seemed only right that she should give pleasure to her uncle Mark, in return for his kindnesses to her, and also to insure that he would continue to provide her with such a wonderful outlet for her own seething emotions and sexual desires.
It is not strange then, that Ruth should, from that point on, become an equal aggressor. She was not a backward child-just an innocent one. When she let her native animal instincts in the field of sex hold sway, she became a tiny tigress, as we shall see. This is not to apologize for her, nor to shift the greater portion of responsibility from the adult male involved, but is rather, an attempt to understand how a child of her tender years could become an aggressive, sexy woman in her sexual nature, while still remaining a young girl in body and mind, and in part, in her emotions.
Had her father lived a few more years, it is quite likely that Ruth would have entered this sexual and emotional wilderness at age sixteen or seventeen, after she had become more emotionally mature and had been given some education in matters of sexual behavior. In all cases of young girls and older men engaged in sex acts, whether related to one another or not, the girl is invariably without guilt feelings. It is only later that she realizes fully what she has done to offend society as a whole. Ruth was not aware, as she picks up her story, that society frowned on and made laws against the physical union of males and females of the same blood relationship, regardless of age.
"After that night, I couldn't wait to have other times in bed with my uncle Mark. I just couldn't get it out of my mind, the thrills that had heated up my whole body when he mouthed my pussy. I guess, in my own little-girl way, I was madly in love with him. I remember how pleased my mother seemed to be that I showed a lot of attention to him when he was around. I would always run and kiss him and hug him when he came home, and she never seemed to notice that I was sticking my tongue into his mouth, or that he was holding my ass with both hands.
"Uncle Mark began to offer to 'babysit' more and more, and he even gave my mother extra money so she could go out to movies, to card parties and all that-so he could be all alone with me.
"When he had to sneak into my room while my mother was sleeping, he was always nervous. He seemed in a hurry, and it was never so much fun as when we knew we had the whole house to ourselves, except for the babies, and they didn't matter.
"One night that same week, my mother went out to some 'aluminum ware party' at a woman's house, and left Uncle Mark and me alone. We didn't wait very long after she left to go upstairs and get undressed. He wanted to do it in his room. I didn't know why, at first, but he showed me. He had two dressers in his room with big mirrors on them, and he had them arranged so that he could look into the mirrors and watch everything that was going on on his bed. I kind of liked it too, once I began to really loosen up and play with his cock, and suck it.
"I sucked it for the first time that night.
"Mark started out the regular way, playing with my pussy, sticking his fingers up inside it, playing with my asshole, kissing me all over. I noticed that he kept twisting around so he could look into the mirrors, and after a while, I began watching him in the mirrors, too. It was fun, seeing his head move up and down as he licked my cunt, or to see my legs spread wide open and his finger shoved deep inside me. Sometimes, we would look at each other in the mirror, and that was even more of a kick.
"He made me come two or three times that night. I liked it with the lights on, too. I really liked to watch him in action.
"When I had come a third time from his sucking my cunt, I sat up and began to play with his cock. It was big and long and stiff, and I was almost afraid to touch it too hard. It was so stiff that it seemed it would break if I bent it too much, but he just sat back, his hands spread wide, holding himself up, while I played with it.
"He didn't say a word. I guess he knew that I wanted to taste it and to see how it felt in my mouth. I wanted to give him all the thrills he gave me, and I knew he wanted me to kiss it and suck it. I only hesitated because I was afraid that it would choke me.
"I held it at the bottom, close to all his hair, and I bent forward and touched it with my lips. He jumped a little, and I moved my head so that my lips formed a circle of hot flesh, rimming the head of his cock, but not taking it into my mouth.
"After a bit, I began to lick it, first up one side, and down the other, stopping at the head of it to give it a little suck or kiss. Uncle Mark just leaned back, watching in the mirror, and I knew he was really enjoying it by the hazy look in his eyes. It kept jerking in my hand, and I could feel it jump every time I touched the head of it.
"Uncle Mark said, 'Take it all in your mouth, baby, and suck it-hard.' I guess I had lost my nervousness by then because I knew that it didn't taste bad, and I was happy at the way it pleased him. I opened my mouth wide and rammed it down over his cock, letting it go as deep into my mouth as I could. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, and I began to suck it as hard as I could, moving my head up and down so that his prick went in and out of my mouth with every suck.
"He reached down with one hand and pushed my head down on it harder. He began to push it faster and faster, and I began to suck it harder and harder. I laid on my bare belly and used both hands on the base of his cock. I glanced up at him once in a while and he was watching me closely, looking over into the side mirror. But I was happy to know that he was enjoying it so much, and I really tried to take it all into my mouth. It gagged me once in a while, but Mark didn't notice, so I just kept control of it with both hands, and he didn't push my head too hard, so I managed. I remember, towards the end, how I kept thinking about the stuff that shot out of his prick, and I wondered if there would be a lot, and what it would taste like. I felt my own twat getting hotter and wetter, and I wanted him to come-to have that good feeling that I always had.
"I was going fast at the end, when I felt the first big spurt of sticky, salty-tasting stuff shoot into my mouth. Mark stopped pushing on my head. He leaned back with his eyes closed, and his body was shivering. His cock was making little jerks every time another bunch of juice would come out of the little hole in it, and I was swallowing it as it came, still trying to suck it good.
"After a minute, no more juice came, and I felt a relief. It hadn't been bad at all. I had made him come! I had partly paid him back for all he did for me, and I wanted to keep on doing it! I just kept sucking hard, but his cock began to get softer and softer, and after a while, he pushed my head away. He pulled me up into his arms, and he laid back so that my body was on top of his, and he kissed me on the lips and eyes. He told me, 'I love you, Ruthie. You're the sweetest thing in this world. I'll always love you.'
"He was fooling with my asshole all the while, and then he edged his body down so that his head was between my legs. I moved my legs up so that I was sitting on his face, and he began to use his fingers on my asshole while he opened my cunt lips with his tongue, and began to stick it in, massaging my lump until I came again.
"Then he told me to change positions, so that we were upside down on each other-my mouth was near his prick and his was right at my cunt. 'We can do it to each other at the same time, honey,' he said, and then he began to really tongue my cunt. From this position he could use his fingers on my asshole and his other hand was free, run his finger up inside the back part of my pussy, while his tongue was going in and out of the front.
"I grabbed his cock and began to suck it and lick it, and pretty soon it was nice and hard again. He rolled over so that he was straddling my face, but he was using his knees to keep his weight from hurting me, and I just laid there with my mouth open, using my hands on his shaft to guide it into my mouth! He was eating my cunt like a hungry bum, and I began to buck and bounce as I felt that good feeling coming again. He shoved his cock harder and faster into my open mouth, and at the same time that I felt that white heat spread all over me, he shot another load of his juice into my mouth.
"I was used to it this time, and I just kept swallowing until finally he stopped shoving it in. It was going soft again, and he rolled over and just licked the lips of my cunt, holding my ass with both hands. I kept on trying to get his prick back up, but I couldn't. Later, I had another 'come,' and then he got up and got dressed. It was still early, so he told me to get dressed and watch the babies while he went out to get some ice cream. He brought a quart back, with some pineapple stuff and whipped cream to put on top of it. I loved ice cream, and to me, this had been the most happy night of my whole life!
"We watched TV for a while after that, and then I went to bed. He sat by my bed and talked to me. He asked me how I liked sucking him off, and I told him I really liked to do it, because it made him so happy. He told me that as time went by, there would be a lot of other things we could do together, but he wouldn't tell me what he meant. I sort of guessed he meant fucking-the kids at school were always talking about it-but none of them seemed to really know how to do it, or how it felt. I could hardly wait, and when he went back downstairs, I played with myself again, imagining it was Uncle Mark's tongue inside me instead of my fingers. I shoved my thumb in my own mouth while I fingered my cunt, and made believe I was sucking his prick, and in a few minutes, I had another 'come.'
"I wanted to wait until he went to bed, then I was going to sneak into his room and get some more, but I fell asleep. I was so happy. I could hardly wait for school to be out so that I could go home and meet Uncle Mark. Every night, I hoped that he would come into my room, or whisper that I should come to his bed, but it wasn't for a week or so that I had a chance to be with him-naked, I mean, and alone.
"It was on a Sunday, and Uncle Mark didn't have to work. My mother took the twins and went to visit some old friends that lived across town. She wanted me to go, too, but Uncle Mark told her he would take me to a movie, if it was all right, and we'd have dinner out. My mother thought that would be real nice, so Mark drove her to her friends and then came right back home.
"He was extra excited when he found me taking a shower. I knew we were going to have some sex, and I wanted to be nice and clean and fresh for him to kiss and suck. I had began to notice that my breasts were beginning to swell up. Not much, but they were beginning to grow, and the nipples were beginning to get bigger. They hurt me once in a while, but I wasn't worried about it. I asked a girl at school about it and she said that her breasts had burned and stung a lot when they were first getting big.
"I was standing in the bathroom, just getting ready to shower, when Mark came in. I was looking at my breasts in the mirror, wondering how long it would be before they got big and round, like on some of the other girls that weren't much older than me.
"He surprised me, but he came up behind me and put his arms around me so his hands covered my breasts. He kissed me on the neck and laughed. 'Pretty soon, you'll be all grown up and you'll go away and forget all about old Uncle Mark,' he said. I put my hands on top of his and squeezed them. 'I'll never go away or forget you,' I promised.
"He backed away and looked at my body. He shook his head. 'Let's see,' he said, 'you're almost eleven. You're going to have a pretty body-like your mother had. I remember when she was growing up. All the boys were crazy about her.'
"I was proud that he noticed my shape beginning to form, and I blushed a little.
"'Wait for me,' he said. 'Let's take a shower together. That'll be fun, won't it?' Before I could answer, he went into his room and in a moment or two, he came back into the bathroom. He was completely naked, and I noticed that his cock had begun to get a little stiff. I teased it with my fingers, then bent and sucked the head of it real quick. Before he could grab me, I got into the shower and turned on the water, adjusting it so that it was nice and warm.
"Mark came in. It was sort of crowded in there, so we could hardly move without our bodies touching. I picked up the soap and began to make lather under my arms. He laughed and took the soap from me and began to rub my armpits, then my chest, my stomach, and finally, he began to rub the soap between my legs. When I was all sudsy, he turned me around and rubbed my back, then down to my ass. He spent a long time lathering between the crack of my ass, and he kept sticking his soapy finger up my asshole. I was getting all hot and I wanted to be sucked and to suck his prick, right there in the shower. I thought it would be real fun, with that nice warm water running all over us. I could feel his cock was hard, when he brushed against me, and all at once he started lathering his cock with the soap.
"I turned and looked down at him. He was sort of playing with it, rubbing it from top to bottom until it was all white with soapy lather. I was wondering if he was going to wash it off before I sucked it, when he surprised me and turned my head around and dropped the soap. He held me close to him with one arm, and with the other, he guided his cock head up into the crack of my ass!
"It excited me. He let go of me, but I didn't move away. He used one hand to spread my ass cheeks and then he told me to bend over just a little. I did, putting my hands on the far wall of the shower to keep my balance. I think I knew he was going to fuck me-but I didn't know it was going to be in the asshole!
"Then I felt the head of his cock going up inside my asshole! It slid in easily, because both of us were so soapy, and it didn't hurt any more than his finger did when he shoved it up there. In fact, not as much. I could feel it going farther and farther up, and when it began to slip in and out easily, Uncle Mark put both hands on my hips and pulled me in to him to meet the upthrusting of his cock into my asshole!
"I was all excited, but I was a little disappointed. It felt good, but not as good as when he sucked my knob and shoved his fingers up inside of me. But I could tell that it was good for him. He began to groan every time his prick went deep into my asshole. He was saying something-it was hard to hear him over the noise of the shower, but I think he was saying, 'Oh, Jesus-what an ass! Oh, Christ-let me fuck you, Ruthie, right up the old shit chute!'
"As he moved faster, drawing me in to him in a regular rhythm, I got hotter and hotter. I used one hand to reach down and masturbate, rubbing my clit hard, in time with his pokes up the ass. Then I felt his prick begin to jerk fast, and a hot load of come shot up my ass! I don't know if I came or not, but I think I did. He kept on shoving it in, slowing down all the time, and finally he stopped. He pulled his cock out and washed it off.
"He turned me around and got down on his knees and began to shove his tongue into my cunt, holding my ass cheeks with both hands. He made slurping noises, and he kept on moaning and groaning, and pretty soon, he made me come!
"We got out and dried off, and he seemed sort of ashamed. He asked me when we went into his bedroom if I had been hurt when he had shoved his cock up my asshole. I told him the truth. It had made me feel like I had to take a big crap at first, but when I got used to it, it hadn't really hurt me at all.
"He just couldn't seem to get enough of me that day. It was our first time doing things in the daylight, and it was a lot of fun. It was also the first time he really licked my asshole, and it felt good. He laid me on my back and used long strokes with his tongue so that he started with my asshole and ended up with his tongue licking the lips of my cunt. I put my legs up high and spread them, and he got down real low and began to stick his tongue into my asshole as far as it would reach!
"It made me hot, and when he began to masturbate me with his finger, I put my finger in beside his. I worked on my clit while he shoved his finger way up inside me, touching the walls of my cunt. His tongue was going in and out of my asshole like crazy, and before I knew it, I had come again.
"Uncle Mark kept on asking if I was sure that he hadn't hurt me when he had shoved it up my asshole, and finally, he asked me if he could do it again. I told him I didn't mind, and he went to the dresser and got a jar of vaseline from a drawer. He told me to get up on my hands and knees, and when I did, he smeared my asshole with lots of vaseline. He stuck some up my asshole, using his finger. Then he covered the head of his prick with a whole gob of the stuff. I was watching in the mirror as he crawled up onto the bed and positioned himself between my legs. His cock was all hard and standing straight out, and this time I just let him guide it into my asshole, while I braced myself with my hands.
"When it was in, it began to slip in and out even easier than it had with the soap, and there was no burning feeling, like there had been when he used soapsuds to oil his cock and my asshole.
"He did the same thing, though. He put both hands on my hips and helped pull my butt back to meet his cock as it went deep inside me. I was getting so I almost liked it, and it was a lot better when I could look at us in the mirror and see how that long, hard prong disappeared inside my ass! I was surprised that it fit, but he was able to ram it almost all the length of it into me, and it didn't really hurt me. I was so interested in watching that I forgot to masturbate myself, and Uncle Mark came quickly that time. But he didn't stop. He just kept on shoving it in hard, and it didn't go soft on him. He came even quicker the second time, and when it was over, he jumped up and got a washcloth from the bathroom and he came in and washed out my asshole, while I laid on my stomach with my legs spread.
"I really felt good. I was learning more and more how much real pleasure I could have with my uncle Mark, and it made me feel more grown-up all the time.
"Afterwards, he sucked my pussy again, and I was so hot that I had my come right away.
"We laid there, playing with each other's things, not really trying to excite each other-just feeling good over what we had done. I asked him if that was what the kids called 'doing it doggie-fashion,' and he laughed and said that it was one way. 'When you're just a little older, and this thing gets a little bigger-' he wiggled his finger inside my pussy, and I knew he meant my cunt-'we'll try the real dog-fashion. You'll like that, baby,' Mark promised.
"I didn't know what he really meant, but I remembered how far into my asshole he could shove his cock, and I figured that if he were to put it a little lower, into my cunt, that it would go way up inside me. I wanted to try it then, but I didn't say anything. He kept mentioning that we had to wait until I was 'big enough,' so I figured that he knew more about it than I did, and I didn't push for it.
"We had a lot of fun that year. During summer vacation, he used to let me go with him on some of his sales calls, and it was like a regular holiday for me-eating in restaurants and, sometimes, stopping in a lonely place and sucking each other's thing.
"My breasts were growing fast, and by the time that school started in the fall-I was twelve in August-I had hair showing under my arms and around my pussy. I had also started to menstruate. At first, I was scared, so scared I was afraid to ask my mother, but she caught me washing out some panties that had blood on them, and she told me all about what menstruating was.
"I didn't dare to ask her, but I wondered if it would make any difference to Uncle Mark, now that I was beginning to have my periods. I didn't know exactly how to tell him, but my mother must have said something to him, because the next time we had sex, he told me that he knew that I was menstruating, and that it meant that I was just about ready for the best fun of all. We made a game out of that, I remember. I teased him, asking him what 'the best fun of all' was. He just laughed and said, 'You know, baby, you know.'
"I made believe I didn't, although I knew he had to be talking about fucking. I wanted to hear him say it. So I kept on pestering him until he finally came right out one night and said, 'Okay, you little fox-I want to fuck you-to put my prick in your cunt and fuck you all night!'
"I got a kick out of that, and when I thought about it later that night-my mother was home so we couldn't do anything-I masturbated and tried to imagine how it would be when he shoved that nice hard prick up inside my cunt. I knew it had to be better than his finger, or even his tongue, and for days, I used to get all wet and hot inside my pussy, just thinking about how it would be.
"When it happened, it was more exciting than I had even dreamed it would be. It happened when my mother was at a movie. We knew she was going to a double-feature, and that she'd be out until almost midnight, and we planned it all the way. I'd been coaxing Uncle Mark to really give it all to me-cute little ways, like whispering to him: 'Are you going to fuck me tonight?' or, 'You're too spoiled by sucking to want to fuck me, aren't you?'
"Anyhow, we were both as hot as could be, so when we were alone, we didn't waste any time. Mark had taken a shower when he came home from work, and I had taken one right after supper. I had on a loose robe, with nothing on underneath, and I went upstairs and into Mark's room as soon as we knew my mother was gone. He came right up, and he stripped. There was an electricity in the room that both of us felt. I stood there, watching him get undressed, my breasts now standing out nicely, the nipples round and pink, and now they were getting hard and jutting out.
"Mark was getting a hard-on by the time he had his pants off. Everything was building up. I could just feel my body getting hotter, and I wanted it to be perfect for me. I know that Uncle Mark did, too, because he had been extra sexy for the past few days, rubbing me, feeling me up, sneaking kisses-we just set off sparks when we touched each other.
"It had been exciting to use the word 'fuck,' and here we were, ready to try out first real fuck!
"I laid down on his bed and spread my legs. I cocked one knee up and spread my arms, trying to look as sexy and grown-up as I could. Uncle Mark came over and sat beside me, staring at my body from head to foot. I liked the look in his eyes when he crawled down between my legs and began to play with my cunt lips. He was talking, heating me up more all the time, until I began to tremble. He was saying, 'In a few minutes, baby, I'll take you to heaven. I'll open these pretty lips and slide my cock up inside you, in and out, in and out, until you'll beg me never to stop fucking you. We've waited a long time for this, sweetheart, and I want it to be the most wonderful moments in your whole life!'
"I began to roll from side to side. My cunt was so wet and hot that it was a wonder to me that it wasn't smoking. Mark bent his head and began to tickle the lips of my cunt with his tongue. He spread them wide and began to play with my clit, using the tip of his tongue. I was going crazy. It was bad enough that I liked to be sucked off like that, but with me all ready to have his cock inside my cunt for the very first time, I was like a wound-up spring, ready to pop.
"I reached down and grabbed his head, pushing it away. I raised up and begged him, 'Please fuck me-please!'
"He smiled and he moved his body up on mine. I spread my legs wider and he held himself up on his knees, while he took his cock in his hand.
"He kissed my lips, soft-like, and I felt the head of it touch the lips of my cunt. He was wiggling it around, as if to find the right spot, and I began to really sweat.
"All at once, he shoved it way in, putting all the weight of his lower body behind it. I had been expecting and waiting for it so long that it shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. It didn't hurt, but when his cock explored places deep inside my cunt that he had never touched before, it thrilled and chilled me.
"I think I felt like I was two persons. One was lying there, watching Mark fuck his niece for the first time, and the other was hiding inside my body, trying to make certain that not a single little sensation was overlooked. I had thought about it so much, but it was far beyond anything I had imagined it would be.
"As Mark's prick began to go in and out, digging deep with each stroke, touching the innermost parts of my pussy, I began to raise my ass to meet it. His cock never seemed to lose contact with my clit, and after a couple of moments he reached underneath me with his hands and grabbed me by the ass, pulling me up and in, almost as if he were sliding me on and off his rigid prick. I began to moan and groan with the pleasure of it, and Mark kept looking down at his cock going in and out of my body, and then over at the mirror, for a different view. I was too interested in feeling it to care what it looked like. I knew I was going to explode in the most exciting orgasm I'd ever had, and I could tell by Uncle Mark's movements that he was going to come soon, and I wanted it to be at the same moment for both of us. It was almost as if we'd been doing it together for years, instead of the first time, because just as I felt the first hot squirt of jism into my pussy, I had the first of two orgasms-each bigger and more thrilling than any I'd ever had before.
"Mark was so excited he couldn't stop pumping away, and he just kept on drawing my pussy up and onto his cock with his hands until, about a minute or so later, he had another come and I had a whole series of them. They all seemed to blend into each other, and I was weak from the physical movements at the end. I just wanted to sleep. I was in a dream world. Mark just relaxed, with his cock in my pussy, and murmured nice things in my ear, about what a wonderful fuck I was and how much he loved me.
"He told me to go and wash my cunt out with hot, soapy water, and he came into the bathroom while I was doing that and washed his prick off. I felt so proud and so grown-up. I had been able to thrill my uncle all the way, every way-just as if I were a grown woman.
"Looking back, I wonder why he never thought of using a safety. Maybe he didn't realize that I could get pregnant, or else he might have thought that he was too old to really make a girl pregnant. He was about fifty-seven or so, I found out later, and he certainly wasn't too old for anything!
"After that, we really had a ball with sex, every chance we had. We tried it almost every way we could think of, and we used to go for two or three hours, sometimes, sucking, playing around, corn-holding and fucking. I was so wrapped up in Uncle Mark that I didn't have time for boys, even though a lot of them were eying me and making up to me and asking for dates.
"My mother never suspected a thing. That's why it almost floored her when she found out that I was pregnant. She stormed and ranted and threatened to call the police if I didn't tell her the name of the boy, but I wouldn't let out a peep. Me and Mark talked it all over, and finally he talked to my mother. I can see her face yet when he told her that he thought it was best that he find a doctor who would perform an abortion, and he'd pay for it. He argued that if it were done right away, no one would ever know, and that I-and she-would be spared all the shame and embarrassment. But for the first time, my mother stood her ground. She was dead set against abortion on religious grounds, and at the same time, she was in a panic for fear that something awful would happen to me at the hands of 'some butcher,' as she put it.
"She watched me like a hawk, trying to find out if I were still seeing the boy who had gotten me 'knocked up.' She would have had a heart attack if she had known that it was Uncle Mark, right there under her nose. Finally, he told me that I had to go away and have the abortion. He had found a doctor in a city about a hundred miles away, that he knew was trustworthy and careful. He said some of his men friends had used this abortionist before, and that the only thing I could do was to go there, have it done and then come on back home. He said he could handle my mother all right, and that once it was over, there wasn't much she could do about it.
"So I went, and had an abortion! I wasn't very pregnant and it wasn't so bad. Oh, I was sick, all right, for a week or so, but then I snapped out of it and went home.
"Uncle Mark had been wrong about 'handling' my mother. She had panicked and called the police and reported me missing. She was positive that I'd run off with the father of my unborn baby, and the cops were all over school and asking all kinds of questions of every boy in my classes, plus a lot of dumb jerks that lived in the neighborhood.
"When I came walking back in, she just blew her top. She told me to get out, and she wouldn't listen to my uncle, even when he told her that if she threw me out, he'd leave, and she'd have no way to support herself and the twins. She was so crushed and angry that she wouldn't even leave the house. She didn't want any of her friends to see her or to ask questions. Actually, all they thought was that I had run away for a week. None of them knew I had been pregnant, but the way she acted, you'd think it had been in all the papers in big headlines!
"It ended up with her blabbing the whole story to the juvenile authorities and I was sent to this home for wayward, incorrigible girls!
"My uncle Mark didn't leave, but he sure made life tough on my mother. He never let her forget that he thought she was a heartless, cruel woman who thought only of herself, and nothing of the needs of her children.
"He visits me once a week, but we can't do anything. I don't know how long I'll be in-it's been over a year, and they can keep me here until I'm eighteen. Uncle Mark gets me things I want, but it's rough up here. Some of the girls are lesbians. I've tried letting them kiss my pussy, but so far, I have never done it for any of them. It helps some-at least it's better than masturbating-but I have thought about running away some day.
"I need sex. People think that because I'm not yet fifteen, that I don't have all the same feelings that a woman does, but I do. I'm different than a lot of the kids here, because I really pay attention to school work. I want to get out of here and be able to take care of myself. My uncle is always after the authorities to allow me to be put in a foster home, but so far, they haven't agreed. Maybe I could make it that way, with some nice people. I hope they try me soon. I can't wait much longer for some real sex-with a man!"
NOTE: It is obvious that Ruth's anxiety shows in her words and actions at the home for delinquent girls, to which she is confined. As long as the authorities feel that she will lead a promiscuous sex life, she has little possibilities of being released to foster parents.
It is to be hoped that Ruth will continue to study diligently, and prepare herself for the day that she will be granted freedom to make her own way in the world. Perhaps by that time, she will have gained enough maturity to control her sex appetites, and to channel her attentions and affections toward young men of her own age. Ideally, of course, she may be completely rehabilitated and emerge as a wholesome young woman to whom the sordid past will be but an unpleasant memory, as if it had been a nightmare she had when she was still a child.
We hope it ends that way for Ruth.
CHAPTER THREE
Summer Orgy
"I remember my thirteenth year well. I graduated from grammar school, had my birthday a week later, on June twenty-third, and I left on the first of July to spend the summer with my uncle John and my cousins, Rich and Jack. But there was more to it than just a summer vacation. It was the year I discovered what sex was all about-or I should say, I was taught about it.
"I hadn't seen them for so long I had almost forgotten what they looked like. They lived in Los Angeles and I lived in a dinky little town in Arizona. When my cousins were little and my aunt Millie was alive, they used to love to come and spend half the summer with us. I remembered them as wide-eyed kids who had never seen a horse or a cow close up-only in the movies. We had lots of fun then, but I never had been to visit them in L.A. My dad runs a gas station and sort of general store in a big bend in the road. It isn't even that, since they put the freeway through. It skirted around dad's dinky place and left us a. mile off the main highway. Only a few local people still came to dad, either out of loyalty, or because he was closer-if they ran out of something.
"Anyhow, I had been teasing Dad to let me go away for the summer. He really didn't need me around. He could cook and keep house better than I ever could, and there wasn't enough trade at the store to keep one person busy, so he finally broke down and let me go. I wrote a letter to make sure it was okay, and Dad bought my bus ticket and gave me thirty-five dollars for spending money. It may not seem like much, but to him-to us-it was.
"I was shocked when I met Rich at the bus depot. I hadn't seen him for about five years, and he had been a gangly kid then. Now, he was over six feet tall, with broad shoulders, a handsome face, and a convertible that would knock your eyes out. Jack wasn't much shorter, and every bit as good-looking as Rich, and in a way, he had a lot nicer personality-outgoing, always kidding and wearing a big grin. I warmed up to Jack right away, but it was Rich that really stayed in my thoughts on the ride to my uncle Johnny's place.
"I was so proud when Rich held his arm for me to hold while we walked out of the bus depot, and when Jack stood there, hands on hips and whistled loud and clear-you know, the 'wolf whistle.'
"As I sat between them, Jack put his arm around me and even before we got home, he had managed to brush his hand against my breasts. I wore a size thirty-six bra, and I had a nice shape, I knew that, but I was really flattered when those two good-looking cousins of mine made over me that way. I knew I was going to enjoy every minute of the vacation, and already, I was dreaming of a way that I might perhaps talk my uncle John and my dad into letting me stay in L.A. and finish my schooling.
"I was surprised at my uncle, too. Not that he had changed so much, but I just hadn't paid much attention to him before. He was a handsome man, and I could see where the boys got their good looks. And was I ever overwhelmed by the place they had! They had a swimming pool, a big yard with a croquet layout on it, a Ping-Pong table in the combination dressing room and game room out by the pool. They were rich!
"I know now that they weren't really all that wealthy, but Uncle John was an engineer for an aircraft company, and he made pretty big money. Also, I learned, my aunt had left a big insurance policy to both of her sons, so they had money in their own bank accounts and didn't need to rely on their father for anything.
"We went swimming the first night, and the fun began right away. I had brought my bathing suit, but it was an old-fashioned thing, and Rich dug me up a suit that one of his girl friends had left in the dressing room. It was a real mini-bikini thing, and when I looked at myself in the mirror, it seemed that it showed everything I had-the crack of my pussy, my nipples jutting out-even the hair around my pussy-the outside part, anyhow.
"I could see Rich and Jack eying me and nudging one another when I came out to the pool. I was surprised that Uncle John was also in swimming trunks, and when he looked at me, his eyebrows shot up and he shook his head. He came over and held me by the shoulders. 'My gosh,' he said, 'I always thought your mother was. a beautiful girl. Never could understand why she wanted to bury herself over there in Arizona with your dad, but, Betty, you've got her beat a mile!'
"He kept saying nice things all evening about my shape and my looks, and he hardly gave the boys a chance, but I could see by their eyes that they were going to want plenty of chances when Uncle John was at work.
"But I was surprised that it was Uncle John that made the first move. It turned out that the boys both had dates that night, later on, and they got out of the pool early and dressed up and left. They apologized for leaving on my first night there, and said that from now on, they would be including me in a lot of things-the beaches, Disneyland, Hollywood Bowl, a tour of a movie studio-all the exciting things I'd thought about so much.
"It had been a happy beginning, and when they got out of the pool and left Uncle Johnny and me alone, I was already relaxed and feeling right at home. It was easy to see that all three liked me, and I knew the summer was going to be a wonderful one. I didn't know that some of the wonders were to begin that night, though.
"I guess most people think that girls from the country are either all-sex or dumb about it. I was sort of in the middle. I was fourteen, and I'd been raised in cattle and fruit farm country, and I guess I took sex pretty much for granted. I'd seen dogs screwing, chickens, cattle mating, even horses, and I somehow knew a lot about sex without ever applying that learning to human beings. We were always in such an isolated place that I had no real boyfriends.
"In school, I suppose I had the usual 'feels' and smart aleck remarks made to me, and I had been on a few dates, but they had turned into 'smooching' affairs with a few feels thrown in, until we both got so excited that it scared us. I doubt if any of the boys knew what to do, and I didn't know either. My father was pretty strict, but I did sneak out a couple of times for more serious dates with the older boys. They weren't much different, except for one boy named Ron, who did get my panties off one night in his car, and got down between my legs and kissed my cunt a little. He lost his nerve, though, when it came down to really trying to screw, and I heard later that he had caught a dose of clap from some whore, and that it was a good thing I hadn't had any fucking with him. I don't know if it was true or not, but a couple of the girls he dated told me about it.
"Anyhow, Uncle John went inside and got some good wine. It came from Spain, the bottle said, and he brought out some glasses by the pool. He asked me if my father had let me drink, and I didn't want to seem too much like a baby, so I said that daddy did if I wanted to. I did qualify it a little and leave a way out, by saying that I had never drank much but beer, and then only once in a while.
"John poured the wine and we sat there sipping at it, in our bathing suits. It was good, and the whole scene was something out of a Hollywood movie, to me. A beautiful pool with soft lights all around it, a full moon, a warm breeze, and from somewhere, I could smell night-blooming jasmine bushes.
"Pretty exciting stuff for a girl not yet fifteen who had been used to the dry, harsh desert country.
"Uncle John was sitting beside me on a chaise-longue thing-all chrome and leather-and I could feel a little tingle go through me when our bodies touched. The wine mellowed me quickly-I think now that he knew it would-and I began to relax more and lean on him and talk a blue streak. He kept filling my wine glass, and I sipped it faster and faster. Before I knew it, his arm was around me and I was snuggling on his shoulder and his hand was touching my breast.
"He had said to me, 'Tell me all about yourself, Betty,' and I was gabbing away, really enjoying everything. He was a dynamic man. He was all man, all the time-a lot more sexy than either Rich or Jack, and he was getting to me with his clever feels and his movements. After a while, I could see that there was a big bulge in the front of his swim trunks, and I knew what a hard-on was, all right. I guess I got sort of giddy from the knowledge that I could really turn him on that way-me, a country hick-and the wine made me a little loose in my thoughts as well as in my words.
"I giggled and pointed to his cock. 'Why, Uncle Johnny!' I said, being real cute and mocking, 'Whatever is going on?' He laughed and squeezed my breast, letting his fingers dig into the nipple and I felt myself getting pretty horny.
"'You're not as dumb as you make out,' he laughed, finishing his wine and taking my glass and setting it down. 'Come on, let's really have some fun!' He stood up and peeled off his swimming trunks and I gaped at his cock as it stood up stiff and proud, almost touching his bellybutton, it was so long and hard. Before I could get my wits, he had reached around and undone the snap on the bikini bra and then untied the cords that drew the bikini bottom tight around my waist, and he took off my entire suit!
"He picked me up in his arms, and my flesh burned against his bare skin, and he walked to the steps and down into the pool! The water excited me, instead of taking the edge off my 'glow on,' and I got into the spirit of the thing quickly. I always was a good swimmer, and I took off across the pool, Johnny right beside me. We were laughing and yelling and feeling each other as we raced up and down the length of the pool two or three times.
"When we finished, I was tired, and we were both panting and giggling, and he took me in his arms. His cock had softened a little, but I could feel it begin to get real hard again when he crushed my breasts to his chest, and our pubic area pressed tight against one another. I felt like I was in a dream-playing a part in a movie I saw, called "The Babysitter," where the first seduction scene between an older man and a young girl took place in a swimming pool.
"It was strange, looking back on it now, but I didn't feel I was doing anything wrong. I was just 'having fun-the time of my life!' Uncle Johnny wasn't my relative, he was just a handsome, mature man who was making love to me in a wild, romantic and exciting way! The word 'incest' never entered my mind. Maybe it was because we were practically strangers, even though we were niece and uncle. We were discovering each other for the first time, and we liked what we were finding and feeling.
"He kissed me, and I opened my mouth to let his tongue flicker inside for a moment. I shoved my own tongue into his mouth, and he sucked on it, while his hands moved to my ass, pulling me in closer as his fingernails dug into my soft flesh. Then one hand came around and took my breast, cupping it with a hard pressure that sent more tingles up my spine. I knew then that it wasn't just the wine that was making me feel the way I did-it was my uncle's magnetic personality, and his strong, sexy body, and the masterful way he went about it. He wasn't treating me like a child. I was a woman, and he wanted me.
"I reached down and grasped his cock in my hand, running my fingers up and down the length of it, squeezing it and feeling it throb under my touch. It made me feel so-so grownup-so chic and worldly. Up until then, I had been messing around with 'little boys' and now, on my first night in Los Angeles, I was with a real man who wanted me sexually. But there was more than just the sex. I felt inside, somehow, that Uncle Johnny really did love me. I could feel a need in him for my body and my love, and I suddenly remembered that my aunt had been dead for a long time-over ten years-and I remembered what a lonely life my father had led after my mother died, and I suddenly wanted to give Uncle John everything-my love, my body, my life-if he needed it. I don't know if I've ever really been in love. They say young girls have crushes on older men all the time, but to me, it was the first blossoming of love for a grown man!
"He was holding me close, massaging my breast and my fanny, and we were moving our hips so that our organs were touching. He began to mumble, almost as if in pain, 'Oh, Betty, my darling-you're such a lovely thing.' You're a woman-a desirable, beautiful, exciting woman!' His body and his words were making me melt, and I wanted him badly! He said, through a kiss, 'I need you and want you. Will you?'
"I knew what he wanted, and I wanted the same thing. I knew it would spoil it if I played naive or coy, so I just threw my arms around his neck and kissed him harder than ever, shoving my pussy hard against his cock. 'I want you, too,' I said,' ... now!'
"It may sound strange, but I didn't worry about being 'an amateur' at the sex game. I knew that Uncle Johnny would know exactly what to do, and that it would be wonderful with him.
"We walked out of the pool, admiring each other's sleek, water-covered body, and we went into the dressing rooms. John grabbed a towel and began to dry me off, first my back, then the front. He took a long time rubbing my breasts and between my legs, and I kept kissing his body-whatever part of it came close to my lips.
"I grabbed a towel and dried him off, and when I was finished, his cock was stiff and proud again, waving as he walked, almost as if to make me more excited as we went into the house. It was a one-story, rambling place, and Uncle John's room was a lovely place-a combination den, bar, and bedroom that overlooked the patio and pool. I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was someone else, acting in a romantic movie.
"He poured two small snifter glasses of brandy, and we sat on the bed. The brandy burned my throat, but it made me even more excited, and I clinked my glass to his and tried to act like an experienced woman, instead of a fourteen-year-old amateur. But I felt like a woman and I was so at ease with him.
"He surprised me by asking, with a soft smile, 'Are you a virgin, Betty?' At first I was tempted to deny that I was, but I knew instinctively that he would know I was lying. Besides, I wanted him to teach me, and to be gentle, yet terribly masculine with me, and I sensed that it would mean so much to him if he knew that he was the first man to enter my pussy with his cock, so I just smiled back and nodded.
"He took the glasses and set them aside and began to kiss my body. I laid back on the bed and just wallowed in the wonderful feeling of his lips roaming over my neck, my breasts, my stomach, and finally, he buried his handsome face in the soft hair around my cunt and I could feel his tongue exploring areas of it that only my own fingers had ever touched before! He spread my legs wider and began to use his finger to go deep inside me, while his tongue massaged and tormented my clitoris, driving me almost insane with the pleasure. I had never masturbated much, but I knew that this was going to be a thousand times better than anything I could do to myself-or that any of the silly boys I knew could do!
"I had an orgasm in a burst of pleasure that shot through my whole body! I wrapped my legs tightly around Uncle Johnny's neck and bucked and rolled. He kept his mouth locked to my pussy, his tongue dancing in and out of it, his teeth nibbling at my clit and his fingers exploring the inner walls. I was moaning with pleasure, and inside a minute, I exploded into another orgasm, even better than the first!
"I wanted more. I wanted to have him eat me up, but I wanted even more to feel his hard, beautiful cock inside me. I just knew that it would be the most wonderful moment of my life. I pushed him away and then pulled him up so that I could kiss him and suck his tongue. His lean, muscular body was flattened against mine, his cock pushing hard against my thighs, my breasts burning into his chest. I stopped kissing his mouth and he drew his head back and looked into my eyes and smiled.
"'Was it good, baby doll?' he asked. He knew damned well it had been, by the way I had threshed about and moaned and shuddered. 'You're wonderful!' I told him. 'Now-go all the way-fuck me-fuck me until I beg you to stop!'
"I could feel his cock jumping when I said that, and he got on his knees and spread my legs. With one hand, he spread the lips of my pussy, and with the other, he took his throbbing prick and began to gently lower himself down on my body so that he could slide it into me without putting all his weight on me. I wouldn't have cared. I was walking on air-living in a dream world, filled with only John. I didn't think about it hurting. The first time it does, everybody had told me, but I didn't care. In a way, I guess I did want it to hurt a little, because I'm one of those people that usually forget the good things and remember the things that hurt. Maybe that makes me a little bit of a masochist, but that's how I am.
"I seemed to be sharper in all my senses, all over my body and mind, for I can still remember that feeling as the head of his prick slid between the lips of my pussy and touched my clitoris for the first time! They say that a man likes to remember the first 'cherry' he's had. Well, I think a woman does, too. My very first intercourse, and it had been wonderful-as if a romantic poet had written the script, and we were acting out the parts.
"He began to push it in and out, still guiding it with his hand, but after a few thrusts, my wet, hot pussy just softened up and it slid in and out easily. It didn't hurt. It was a funny feeling-different than when he had been sucking my cunt-but there was no real pain to it. I began to move my ass so that I met his thrusting cock, and he moved my legs so that I knew he wanted me to lock them around his hips. He got back on his knees, but he held my ass cheeks in both hands, drawing my cunt up to his cock. He was looking down at his prick sliding in and out, and I loved the look on his face. It was lustful, yet it was soft and gentle. At that moment, I didn't care if I died the next hour or so-I'd tasted heaven. And I kept thinking that I had a whole summer of it ahead of me. I wondered if I could ever leave Uncle Johnny, after this!
"His movements became faster and I kept up with him, and towards the end, it was like we had been having each other like this for years. Our bodies just seemed to 'know' what the other's was going to do-what it was feeling. When I felt him explode his hot juices into me, my cunt tingled and danced with joy as I had an orgasm at the same moment. I was almost out of my head with the pure pleasure of my first fuck! I was like another person, standing there and watching, while I felt my whole body go almost numb with the delight his cock was bringing to me.
"When he began to come, he let his weight down on me and really pumped away, moaning and moving his hips, while our tongues played with each other's, and we mumbled silly words that neither of us understood. But the message of love and passion was there, just the same.
"He rolled off me and lay there, my head on his chest, both of us just enjoying the 'afterglow.' He said softly, 'God, Betty, you're the most wonderful creature God ever made. You're beautiful. You're adorable. What will I ever do without you?'
"I didn't want to think about that, so I began to play with his cock. It was slimy, from his come and my own juices, but it began to throb and get hard, and inside another five minutes, we were at it again. I had learned from the first one, and this time, I knew how to maneuver my body so that my pussy was more accessible to his cock, and we both came a lot quicker. But it was just as good. And this time, Uncle John laid there on me, looking into my eyes, running his fingers through my hair and over my face, adoring me with his eyes.
"'Sorry, baby girl?' he asked. I shook my head and kissed his fingers. 'I'm the happiest I've ever been in my whole life!' I told him. And I meant it.
"He began to chuckle. Then he said, 'I'm going to have one hell of a time keeping the love for you that I feel from showing, when the boys are around.'
"I laughed and said, 'What about me?'
"He put his hand on my lips and said, very seriously, 'Let's not even think about it. Let's just love each other this way, forever-'
"After that, we put our suits on again and took a swim. By the time the boys came home, I was in bed. I was not asleep. I was too excited and thrilled to sleep. My body and my mind were on fire. I just couldn't believe that being made love to by a man could make a woman feel as alive, as important and as happy as I felt.
"I heard the three of them joking in the den. I remember that Rich said to his father, 'Well, you lucky old dog, how did you get along with our little country cousin?' And he followed it with a suggestive whistle-a 'Phewww-pheeuu,' that suggested that he expected that his father would have seduced me within a few moments. If he only knew!
"I heard Uncle John say, 'She's a lovely girl and a sweet person. I want you both to show her a good time while she's here. Give up a little time and be nice to her. She's a wonderful girl.'
"I heard Rich comment laughingly, 'Boy, Pop, we should have stayed home tonight. Sounds like our little cute visitor has already won you over!'
"Then Jack chimed in, 'Don't worry, Pop-anybody would be proud to take that chick around. Trouble is, what am I going to tell Joanie? She'll never believe that Betty's my cousin, and that she's only fourteen!'
"Uncle John chuckled and said, 'You'll work it out-a fast talker like you.'
"They headed for bed then, and later, I was just drifting off to sleep when I heard the door open and Uncle John stuck his head in cautiously. I was groggy, but it made me feel good when he half-whispered, 'Good night, my beautiful baby.' I didn't answer him. I didn't want to come down off the cloud I was on. I was just beginning to believe that it was really happening, and I didn't want to wake up-ever!"
The incidence of cousin-cousin incest is much higher than the records seem to show, according to research undertaken among young college girls and career girls who are just out of their teens.
An interesting sidelight, however, is that this kind of incest almost always happens when the cousins are very young-usually before they have reached puberty. It is also interesting to note that it almost always happens in the reverse of Betty's case: that is, it happens when "city cousins" visit for any length of time in the rural areas.
Many case histories show several causes for this. Among them, the fact that the older persons who accompany the youngsters, being related, often "turn the kids loose," leaving them to their own devices, while the older ones visit and catch up on news of the family. On the part of the city-bred youngsters there is a feeling of freedom which comes automatically, it seems, when they are away from the confines of the "concrete canyons" of the larger cities. Life seems more basic and there is a tendency to take advantage of the more earthy acceptance of sex as a fact of life.
In Betty's case, however, it worked in the reverse. She was a relatively chaste girl, as she admitted, having never had any real intercourse, although she had been fondled and even had a partial cunnilingus attempt performed by one boy. Still, she had stepped out of what, to her, was a humdrum, somewhat austere world into the fairyland atmosphere of Los Angeles.
She was impressed not only with the surroundings and the general atmosphere of a happy, easy-going household of affluent men, but she was seeing her cousins and especially her uncle, in a new light. She looked at them through the eyes of awakening womanhood, and to Betty, her Uncle John was not a relative at all, but a mature, handsome, sexually attractive "Prince Charming."
It is a moot question whether or not she would have reacted so quickly and willingly to the advances of either of her male cousins at the onset of her sexual adventure. She felt more at ease, she told this writer, with her uncle-probably because she had been used to the maturity of her father, with whom she spent most of her time, living in the isolated, lonely spot in the desert which she did.
Then too, Betty admitted to a "curiosity" about her mother's people. Her mother had been dead for some years, and Betty had lived in a "man's world," to a great degree. Her uncle touched a responsive chord deep inside her when he compared her to her mother, whom she had never really known-particularly when he had said that she was more beautiful than her mother had been at her age.
As it turned out, however, the key to Uncle John's successful conquest on the first night, was the environment in which Betty had lived for so long. Her father was a rather dull, unimaginative man who had almost given up hope when his venture in the desert failed. He worked hard, and he loved Betty, just as he had loved her mother, but as she later learned from her uncle, her father had never been a man to express his love or show his emotions. Like many typical "country men," her father expressed his affections in terms of working and giving material things, as best he could, to his family. He was a simple man who had buried himself in his own little world of work at the death of her mother, John's younger sister. Stepping from his drab, workaday world into the glittering world of her uncle, the inevitable had to happen. That it happened so quickly is understandable also, for in the language of psychiatry, Betty was the victim of a little recognized "euphoria" which comes to almost everyone, and particularly women, when they are transported from one environment into another that is freer and where they are little known. (It was believed for years that airline hostesses were extra "sexy," and it is true. However, a deeper study of this phenomenon showed that most women, whether married or single, are prone to become much less inhibited and more promiscuous and open to "dates," after an airline flight. It is not the flight itself, but rather, the quick change into a new world, which triggers in them the buried "daring" and longings. To a lesser degree, this happens to males, also.)
These delvings into motivation for incest are not intended to condone nor condemn this sexual happening, but rather, are aimed at creating an understanding of it. That incest has been practiced for centuries is an established fact, but in the United States (as opposed to primitive societies), it has always been taboo. When it is uncovered by other family members, shame and guilt have always served to bury it in the "family skeleton closet," making in-depth studies of this subject extremely difficult.
In the past few years, however, beginning with the studies made by Dr. Alfred Kinsey into the sex patterns and appetites of the American male and female, more and more honesty has been forthcoming in interviews. In some instances, the young rebels involved in the sex revolution have deliberately exposed incestuous backgrounds, almost as a weapon to "shock" the so-called establishment into being as honest as they are.
As she develops the account of her "summer orgy," we shall see that Betty is an extremely well-adjusted individual. Obviously, she had not been saturated with religious or moral taboos that invariably create deep guilt which results in severe neuroses. She was simply obeying her very natural instincts. Had the three males involved been total strangers, it would have doubtlessly been the same, with no real guilt feelings confusing Betty.
It is also believed by most schools of psychiatric thought that, the more removed the relationship involved, the less depth to any feelings of having committed either a "sin" or a crime.
In America, we extend incest (legally, and for purposes of marriage) to second cousins, in most states. Because childhood experimentation in sex usually takes place between relatives, the average person, if he thinks about the subject at all, tends to take cousin-cousin incest seriously, and often, even uncle-niece incest is accepted as understandable, though not always forgivable. Father-daughter, mother-son, and brother-sister incest create the furor in society, while in actuality, case records prove that incest is far more prevalent in the case of cousin/cousin relationships, with almost twenty-five percent of all cases indicating that most girls are subjected to at least "fondling" first, by uncles or older male cousins!
We chose Betty's case because of her utter frankness in detailing it, and her phenomenal reaction to a summer of initiation into sex by close relatives. She might be considered typical of many women of other generations who were almost forced to have incestuous relations, in order to survive, because of ele mental conditions, or the often proven rule that females have always outnumbered males, and thus were forced to "share" sex with a relative, or become old maid "pariahs."
Betty's case is also interesting because, unlike many unfortunate "ugly ducklings," she was not unattractive. She did not have to
"chase" males and barter sex because she had an ugly face or personality. She is a beautiful girl, and it might be said of her that it is a shame that more young persons, male and female, cannot approach what is believed to be a very common sex practice, with her equanimity and poise. Far less tragedy would result, most sexologists agree.
How often incest happens is hard to determine, because it is so well hidden by family members, but we can be sure of one thing, it is rarely that incest occurs without leaving emotional scars on the younger member of the sex partnership, as happened with Betty.
Let us continue with her account of her "summer of ecstasy."
"When I awoke next morning-it was Saturday, and all three men were home-I just lay there, feeling good all over, remembering the night before. I analyzed my feelings for my uncle John, and they weren't any different in the daylight and without any wine or brandy than they had been the night before. He was some man, and all man, and I was glad that he had been the one to 'break my cherry.' I had listened to a lot of bugaboo about that 'first time,' and I had found that it was all a bunch of bull. It had been wonderful-every bit of it.
"While I dressed, I wondered if the boys would suspect anything had happened with their father. My eyes seemed to shout it out, how happy I was, and my whole body looked different to me. It was as if I had grown from a little country girl into a sophisticated, experienced, happy woman, in the space of a few hours. Even my clothes looked strange on me-like a mature woman would look masquerading as a teenager.
"My uncle had a Japanese houseboy, housekeeper and cook, and it was easy to see why they all treated Kum as one of the family. He prepared a breakfast like I had never dreamed of, and he was polite and attentive, and he added even more to the dramatic excitement of the situation. Kum-I never did learn his full name-had a family, and he worked from six in the morning until six in the evening for Uncle John. He had prepared the dinner the night before, but had left before I arrived.
"I was the center of attention at breakfast, and I don't think that anyone noticed the covert, warm, knowing glances that John and I exchanged every so often. Rich was really sweet. He praised my hairdo, my makeup, my dress. He said, 'It's good to have a beautiful lady at our table again, isn't it?' Both Uncle John and Jack agreed loudly, and the meal was an adventure to me, because all three of them asked me what I wanted to do first. They confused me with all their offers, but I settled it in my own mind when I found that both Jack and Rich had dates, and that I would be the 'third wheel.'
"I told them I didn't want to spoil their plans, and that we'd arrange other days and evenings, and that seemed to please them. I saw a warm glow in Uncle John's eyes when I worked my way out of being away from him over the weekend, as if he were thanking me with his eyes.
"He stepped in with just the right remark. He said mockingly, with a wicked grin, 'Well, Betty, it looks like you're stuck with the old boy for this evening. What would you like to do?'
"I had always wanted to see Grauman's Chinese Theatre, with all the handprints and autographs of the movie stars, and when I mentioned it, Uncle John said, 'Fine! We'll have dinner, then go to the theater. It's been too long since I've been out with a beautiful young woman. It will do me good.' He made a mock face at his sons. 'Who needs these whippersnappers, eh, Betty?' I laughed and so did the boys, and then Rich broke in and said, 'Look, before you two get going steady, how about going down to the beach with me tomorrow?'
"I agreed right away, and we spent the rest of the day just having fun. We swam, then played Ping-Pong, and just relaxed and enjoyed each other. Rich and Jack left for their dates about seven, and Uncle John had called and reserved a table at Brown Derby, on Vine Street, for dinner. I was excited and thrilled when we walked in. We did make a handsome couple, and later I learned that it was quite common in Hollywood to see a man in his fifties with a teenager on his arm. I wasn't the least bit embarrassed, and we had a wonderful dinner. Uncle John was so attentive. He had eyes for only me, and he was so proud of me. It was the most flattering thing that ever happened to me. I was like a little tourist-which I was-when we went to Grauman's. Uncle John just stood by and smiled at me, running from one autograph to another, squealing and clapping my hands like a little child.
"We saw a good movie-I can't remember what it was-and then we went home. It was almost midnight, and John was afraid that the boys might come in and surprise us, so we didn't have sex. But we sure kissed and felt each other until I almost demanded that he take me to bed. He laughed like a little boy. I knew he was proud that I was so eager to have him screw me, and he told me that there would be all summer, and that from now on he would plan his work and his free time around me.
"I was frustrated, but oh, so happy, when I went to bed, and I slept soundly. I wasn't used to the long days full of so much excitement, and I slept like a log.
"Next morning, Rich knocked on my door early and I got dressed and took my swim suit-the one I was borrowing from his girl friend, and we drove off, to stop for breakfast at a cute little restaurant near the beach.
"Rich was as charming as his father, but in a more exciting way. It was almost as if he knew that I was wondering if he would be as wonderful in bed as his father had been. I really did begin to wonder, especially when we got to the beach and he put on his swim trunks. We laid on the sand for a long time, talking and joking, and I could see his cock beginning to bulge out his trunks, while he kept staring at my crotch, and my breasts that bulged out of the bra a little.
"We went in for a swim, then he dug out some cold beer he had in the car, and we drank and talked some more.
"Suddenly, Rich said haltingly, and with a deep blush, 'Betty, don't think I'm a wise guy or anything, but-you are an awfully attractive girl. You're beautiful, and you have an exciting body. Can we-go somewhere and-just be alone?' At the end, he was blurting it out and he was embarrassed, and didn't look me in the eye. I was eating it up, of course, a little giddy with this new power that I seemed to have found over men.
"'You mean-to go to bed with you?' I asked him. I was surprised at how calm I was about it. It shook him up, and he blushed even deeper. 'It's not what you think,' he protested, laying his hand on my thigh. 'I'm not a wildie-chasing girls to take to bed. But-' I could see he was being very serious, 'I really am turned on by you. I was from the second I saw you the other day. I-I can't explain it.'
"I was enjoying it in a vicious way and I grinned and said, 'But you do mean going to bed, don't you?' He nodded as if he were guilty of some crime. T guess so,' he mumbled. I was getting excited watching the bulge in his swim trunks and watching his muscles ripple in the sun.
"'Where?' I asked simply.
"His face brightened and he blurted out, 'I have a friend up the beach a mile or so. I've got the keys to his beach house. I know he's away this weekend. Do you really mean it?'
"I bent over and kissed his head. He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm. He was shaking, he was so excited. He gathered up our towels and we went to the car and drove about a mile north. What he called a 'beach house' looked like a movie star's mansion to me, but he was right, the place was locked up tight and we went in using Rich's key.
"He was nervous-much more nervous than his father had been, and giggled when he led me to the bedroom, acting like a schoolboy.
"We were still in our swim clothes, and he just stood there, fidgeting from one foot to the other. He wanted me to undress, but he didn't want to come out and say it, so I decided I'd take the bull by the horns and get our little session started. I walked over and turned my back. "Undo my bra,' I ordered. I could feel his hands shaking when he unhooked it, and when he took it off, I stepped away and turned so he could see my breasts. The nipples were hard and standing out stiffly, and they fascinated Rich. Almost as if he were in a daze, he reached out and touched one breast, while I slipped out of the bottom part of the suit. He almost gasped when I moved back and posed like some hussy, so he could get a good look at all of my body.
"After a moment, I asked, 'Well, aren't you going to take off your trunks?'
"He slipped out of them, trying to hide his huge hard-on with his hands, and I giggled again, and ran to the bed and flopped down on my back, holding out my arms to him.
"He was awkward and clumsy, and he didn't even take time to kiss my breasts or pussy-he just crawled on top of me and began to insert his cock into my cunt! I was pretty lubricated, and he slid it in easily, and then he began to pump away, kissing my lips and ears, but not saying a word. I put my legs around him and gave him all the cooperation I could. He was exciting even though he was a little crude, and when he began to step up the pace, I went right along with him and I came just before I felt him shoot his load into me. He kept on pumping, moaning and kissing me, and in another thirty seconds, I had a second come.
"He never did come the second time, and I know now that it was because he was afraid. He had begun to feel guilty, and he was already worrying about me getting pregnant. He gave me a clue soon after that when he said, 'God, I should have used a safety!' In a vague way, he made me a little worried, but by the time we got home late that afternoon, I had forgotten all about it. I had also chalked Rich down as a total miss-out as a lover, compared to his father. We didn't talk much on the way home, but he seemed sheepish and apologetic. I tried to tell him that I had been to blame and that I had wanted him to do it to me, but it didn't help much.
"He got dressed and excused himself to the rest of us and went out early. When he came home that night, he was very drunk, and I hoped he'd snap out of it soon. It hadn't been that bad-at least for me, and I found out a long time later that Rich was worried that he had screwed up his chances for marriage. He was going steady with the girl he eventually married, but the only sex he ever had was when he patronized a call girl he knew. He was one of those 'nuts' about virginity, and he not only worried about me losing my cherry, but he was afraid that if I got pregnant his fiancee would find out, and that would destroy his 'image' with her-and his chances for marriage.
"I went to dinner that night with Uncle John and Jack, then we came home and watched TV and then we all went to bed early-but not before John met me in the patio and gave me some feels and some kisses. He asked me how it had been with Rich, and I told him I had had a very nice day, and I let it drop at that.
"Things went along fine. During the week, when both of the boys were out of school, they took me to nice places. We went to the beach often, to Tijuana one day, to Disneyland, then a tour of a movie studio. It was all exciting and wonderful. Rich pretended that nothing had ever happened between us, and so did I.
"I began to enjoy Jack's company. He was nearer to my age, and he was a ball of fire. He joked and laughed all the time, and he kept me in a light, happy mood. We swam a lot in the pool at his house, and because Rich had several dates, Jack and I were alone a lot. We just hit it off perfectly, and there was an easy friendliness about him that made me like him a lot. He used to fool around a lot when we were in the pool, but he never got serious.
"Twice that week, he had dates in the evening, and I played it 'noble,' and told him I didn't want to go along and spoil his date. It gave me a chance to be with Uncle John. Something really happened when I was with him. All the tension dropped away, and although it wasn't as carefree and fun-filled as my times with Jack, it was the happiest time of all, when I could be alone with my uncle John. I guess I knew I was falling in love with him, and that he was in love with me-crazy as that sounds.
"We had wonderful, thrilling and fulfilling sex each time we were alone, and the second weekend we were there, he announced at dinner one night that he had to attend a convention at Lake Tahoe, in Nevada, for four days, and he thought it would be a wonderful chance for me to see what he called the most beautiful part of the West. I knew he was making the announcement for the benefit of the boys, and they quickly agreed that I should go. They had been there several times, and they were enthusiastic about the scenic beauty of the lake that is half in California and half in Nevada.
"There was no convention, of course, but John and I had four wonderful days and nights up there. He had rented a private lodge and we flew up and back. It was my first time in a plane, and, of course, it was my first time to see the lavish casinos and the wonders of the lake itself.
"When we came back, I knew I was deeply in love with my uncle John, and I didn't feel guilty about it at all. In fact, I felt a bit more guilty about Rich than I did John, because he still avoided my eyes most of the time, and although he was polite enough around me, he shied away most of the time, as if he were ashamed of himself, or else he was afraid that he would break down and make more passes at me.
"Jack and I went on having wonderful times, and it wasn't until a month later that he and I finally had intercourse. He had asked me to go to a beach party at night, and I asked John if he minded and he said, 'Of course not. You'll have fun-and that's what I want most for you.'
"So, we went to this beach party and I met a lot of Jack's friends. It was sort of a wild bunch-a lot of them seemed to be hippies, and I enjoyed myself until most of them began to get pretty drunk. Jack wasn't really drunk, but he was feeling good, and when I told him I wanted to go home, he sobered up quickly. He apologized for his friends and asked me to walk along the beach with him for a while, so he could sober up completely. He didn't want his father to see he had been drinking heavily-not that John would have minded too much about the drinking, but he was awfully strict with both boys about drinking and driving.
"Jack was so quiet and so apologetic that I began to feel sorry for him. I don't know how it started, but we sat down in the sand, listening to the surf pounding in, looking at the stars, and we began to talk about our lives without a mother. Jack, in spite of all his gaiety, was a lonely person, and he must have missed his mother terribly. Rich was tougher-strong, like his father-but Jack was just a little, lonesome boy at heart.
"The next thing we knew, we were kissing and feeling, and without really getting all excited about it, he took off my bathing suit, and stripped off his trunks, and we made love there on the sand under the stars.
"It was odd, but Jack was more experienced at it than Rich had been, and he was more at ease. He didn't say any wild, romantic things about loving me, or 'getting carried away by my beautiful body.' He just said that I 'turned him on to top heat,' and when it was over, I had come twice and he had come twice, and when we were walking back to his car, all he said was that I had been wonderful. He had no guilt feelings nor any regrets, and I could tell that he must have had intercourse with a lot of his dates. To Jack, it was just part of the game. It seemed no more nor no less enjoyable than a fine meal or a ride along the beach on a beautiful day.
"In a way, I cared a lot about Jack. I liked his way of looking at things, and we became really good friends-not just lovers-but close buddies. I had intercourse with him three times that summer, and it was always the samegood, satisfying-and then forgotten.
"My life alone with Uncle John was the real happy part of my summer. I grew to love him more every day, and when it began to get near the time I had to return home to get back to school, we both worried a lot. I don't think he knew what to say, in spite of his maturity and man-of-the-world ways. I didn't know how to put the real dread at leaving him into words, but I tried to show him with every part of my body, how I loved him and wanted him. I had grown up so much during those weeks. We had come to a point of complete ease with each other in bed. I had wanted to suck his cock, and he treated me as if I were a goddess, after I had begun to do it to him.
"When it came time to go, he wouldn't let me take the bus. Instead, he flew me to Phoenix, rented a car and drove me to my dad's place. He and I had talked about it, and he got right to the point with my father. He asked him if he would let me come and live with them and go to school in Los Angeles.
"My father's face fell, and I could see that it hurt him to think I would want to leave him. He said he'd need a little time to think it over and to talk with me, so Uncle John left for home. My father was very strange about it. He seemed to want to have me go, yet he couldn't give me up, and finally, he told me that he had had to go to a doctor while I was away, and that he was very sick. He had cancer.
"Naturally, I forgot all about my dream of going back to be with Uncle John. I wouldn't even listen when Uncle John wrote and offered my father a home there, too. My dad was a proud man, and he wouldn't accept charity from anyone. He and John had never really liked each other. They were too different in their personalities and backgrounds, and I knew that my dreams were dead-at least for the time being.
"The young never really accept death as a fact, and even though my dad lived for more than two years, and was awfully sick the last few months, it still surprised me when he died.
"I was sixteen, but I felt as if I were thirty. I had been dating once in a great while, but nothing serious, and no sex. Somehow, I didn't want it, without John.
"The first year we had written a lot, and I had even called him on the phone a few times, but just before my father died, I hadn't heard from John for over two months. He and the boys came to Arizona for the funeral, and it was then that I got an even bigger shock than my father's death! Uncle John brought his wife with him. She was a nice woman, young-about thirty, pretty, graceful and warm, and I liked her a lot.
"When he introduced her, Uncle John looked at me with his steely blue eyes, and it told me all I had to know. It was over between us-forever. Dad's property didn't bring much and he had only a small insurance policy, and Uncle John offered to help me find a place to live in L.A., but I knew it would be too hard on him and on myself. The spark was still there. I could feel it when we touched each other, so I wanted to leave it as it was-a beautiful summer in my life.
"I took what money I had and came to Seattle. Maybe it was the utter contrast to the desert I was raised in, but I love the rain, the beautiful lakes and most of all, the awesome stretches of forests. I'm married now, and very happy. My husband, Earl, is an attorney and I have a lovely home-as lovely as Uncle John's house.
"Earl is almost twenty years older than I, and I suppose that Uncle John did have something to do with my preference for older men when I began to date seriously. I met Earl when I took a job as secretary in his offices, and we were married less than a year later. He was a divorce, and has a son that is almost as old as I, but we have a good life.
"Rich and Jack are still unmarried, and they visited us here for a week last year. We had a good time, and none of us mentioned our summer. I have never seen Uncle John since my dad's funeral. I don't know how I really feel about him. I know one thing: I get a strange, lonesome feeling deep inside me when I hear a song that's popular right now. It comes from the musical Mame and it's called 'If He Walked Into My Life Today.'
"But it's best this way. I'm not ashamed in my own heart of my love for him. In a way, he made me ready for a love like Earl gives me. I'm happy; he's happy, and that's the way all love stories ought to end."
CHAPTER FOUR
The Two Worlds of Julie
AUTHOR'S NOTE: A case like Julie Brown's is an exceptionally rare one, for it involves incest with both an aunt and an uncle in a lesbian and heterosexual pattern. It is not typical, yet when one hears her story it is completely understandable. It might be said that it is a "typical" slum case, but that could be putting it too mildly, for Julie at age twelve was thrust into a jungle of poverty, immorality, alcoholism and sex aberration, in which she was forced into a battle for survival.
"I can talk about it now because I'm out of it. I'm twenty, on my own, doing good. I want to say one thing at the beginning, though: I'm sick and tired of all these meatheads who go around kidding themselves, saying 'Black is beautiful!' Black is shitty. Black is hell! Black is the worst goddamned thing that anybody can be. I hate my black face and body-my kinky hair-my big nose and fat 'nigger lips.'
"I don't know if I'd be any different if I hadn't been brought up in a dirty, smelly slum. Maybe if my father and mother had been decent people I'd be able to dress fancy like the hippie bunch, and walk the streets or the campus with signs saying that 'Black is beautiful.' But in my world nothing was beautiful-black, white, red or yellow. They were all garbage, just like I was.
"I don't know who my father was. I doubt if my mother even did. Her maiden name was Brown, so that's the name I go by. She was one of those dumb, 'deep-south' Negroes whose daddy brought her to New York so he could 'make something of himself.' That's a laugh. He made himself into a shoeshine boy, that's what. And he was worse off than he had been back in Mississippi, because there he didn't have any uppity ideas, or any dreams of licking the world. He finally got fed up and just cut out, leaving my mother and six kids on their own.
"She's never known any other life than the welfare. Neither have I, until I got out on my own.
"No wonder she used to sleep with anybody who would give her a meal or buy her a cheap dress. She had four of us kids before she was twenty-five, and the last two she had were born dead. I think she wanted it that way, but maybe it just happened because she didn't have enough food or clothes.
"I never did know much about my relatives, except for my aunt Sally. She used to live near us in New York, but she moved away to Chicago and we heard she got married. She wrote once in a while and said she was doing real well, and that her husband had a good job with a truck company. Once a year or so she'd send a present, like for Christmas or on my birthday, and I felt that at least I had somebody I could call a relative.
"I got sick and tired of all the men that messed with my mother, and we began to fight real bad when some of them began trying to screw me. My mother began to call me a troublemaker and a liar, and one day I stole some money out of her purse and just left. I knew it was all the money she had but I didn't care. She was getting it from men, anyhow, and I wasn't going to be no young whore for those black bastards !
"I got a ticket for Chicago and still had enough left over for a couple of sandwiches and some soft drinks. I asked how to get to my aunt's address when I got there, and took a city bus to where she lived. I was a little disappointed when I saw the neighborhood. It wasn't a lot different from ours, only she did have her own house-a small one, but still not a rat-filled tenement like we lived in in New York.
"I got to her place about noon, and when she opened the door she just blinked at me and growled, 'Well, what you want, young'un?'
"I thought she was groggy from just being waked up, but later I found out that she was stoned to the ears. I told her I was Julie Brown, her niece, and she scowled at me and finally asked, 'What you doin' here?' I told her I had run away. It didn't seem to register with her, but she held the screen door open and told me to come in. All I had was a little canvas bag with a dress and two pairs of panties and my other pair of shoes.
"She made some coffee and drank a couple of cups, black and hot. After that she seemed to be able to think clearer. Finally, she said, 'And you want to stay here with your aunt Sally, huh?' I told her I did, and she nodded. She said, 'Well, I guess Roy won't mind for a while, but you'll have to sleep on the couch.'
"I didn't mind that. It would be better than sleeping in the bedroom with just a beat up mattress on the floor, and my mother's men friends making noise all night, fucking and arguing.
"When my uncle Roy, whom I'd never seen, came home that night, he just shrugged when my aunt told him I was going to stay for a while. She had been drinking gin all afternoon, and there was no meal ready for him. He just looked at her and shrugged and began to fix supper. I wanted him to like me, so I asked him if I could help. He told me I could peel some potatoes if I wanted to, and I did. He got some hamburger out of the refrigerator and opened a can of pork and beans, and that's what we had for supper. It was a lot better than I was used to most of the time, but my aunt didn't eat. She just kept on drinking gin. Finally, she went into the bedroom. I could hear her snoring in a few minutes.
"Uncle Roy didn't say much for a long time. I got up and began to clear the table, and I got some soapy water ready in the sink to wash the dishes. He seemed to like that. He wiped the dishes and we began to talk. He told me he was a truck driver for a big wholesale food company, and that he worked six days a week. He asked me about myself, and what grade in school I was in, and why I had run away. I just told him the straight truth. He stopped and just looked at me when I told him about all the men that slept at our house-some stayed a long time, others just one night. He shook his head and put his hand on my shoulder. 'You had it pretty rough, Julie,' he said, patting my shoulder. 'You can stay here. Maybe you and I need each other more than we know.' I didn't know quite what he meant then, but I liked him. At least he noticed me. When the dishes were done, he gave me a dime and told me to go down to the store and get myself an ice cream cone. It was only a half block away on the corner, and when I came back he had fallen asleep in the chair in front of a pretty old small-screen TV. He looked awful tired, and I wondered why he didn't make my aunt do some of the things in the house-especially get his meals.
"I didn't know what to do, so I just watched TV for a while. Then I got undressed and laid down on the couch. He had told me there was a blanket and a pillow in the closet in the front room, so I got them and got ready to go to sleep. I thought maybe I should wake him, and when I shook him he woke up right away. He shook his head and stared at me. I just had my panties on-I didn't have a bra-and my breasts were beginning to grow round and nice, and he just stared at them, and at my pussy.
"I told him I was going to bed, and he got up and put his arm around me. He kissed my lips and put one hand on my breast. 'You're a good girl, Julie,' he said. 'You sleep. We'll talk some more.' He kissed me again, after I crawled under the cover, and I got to thinking about how his hand had felt on my breast. Lots of boys and men had felt my breasts, but none of them had been soft or kind like Roy had. I guess it was the first time I could remember somebody kissing me good-night. I fell asleep fast, thinking that I was going to be all right. At least my aunt and uncle seemed willing to let me live there, and anything was better than home.
"I woke up and felt strange for a moment. It was just getting to be daylight and I heard noise from the kitchen and I could smell coffee. I got up and went out, and there was Uncle Roy, all dressed and shaved, drinking coffee and fixing himself some sandwiches. He had already filled his thermos bottle and was about to leave. He smiled when he saw me and I went over and kissed him on the cheek. He grinned at that and held me in his arms a moment, kissing my lips. His one hand was rubbing my breast, and in a minute his kisses got different. He began to shove his tongue into my mouth. I opened my mouth wider and sucked it.
"He pushed me away all at once, grabbed his lunch bucket, and left. All he said was, 'You be good.' Then he was gone. I went back to bed feeling sort of excited, but sort of let down, too. I fell asleep, and about ten I heard my aunt hollering at the top of her voice: 'Bring me some coffee, Julie, and get your black ass in here fast!'
"I heated the coffee that was left and took a cup into her room. She looked a mess. Her hair was all straggly, she was naked, and her eyes were bloodshot.
"Aunt Sally took the cup of coffee, spilling it a little on the messy bed, because her hands were shaking bad. After a sip or two, she looked at me as if for the first time. I was only wearing my panties. I hadn't put my dress on, and I felt funny from the way she kept on eyeing my breasts and my crotch.
"I'd had plenty of 'street sex' learning from the smart-ass guys, but it had never dawned on me that there were women who went for other females. Still, I felt funny with her staring at my titties. I had understood-even liked it a little-when Uncle Roy had cupped and squeezed my breast with his hand, especially that morning when he was kidding me so hot. I was a little scared by the wild look on Sally's face. I was relieved when she told me to go and see if there was any gin left in the cupboard.
"I found a third of a bottle and took it in to her. She'd finished the coffee, and she grabbed the bottle and took two or three big swallows, then corked it and laid back down. She was still staring hard at my titties.
"'Sit down!' she commanded, pointing to the bed. I was a little afraid of her, so I sat down beside her. She reached out her hand and felt my breast. In spite of my fear of her, when she began to pinch the nipple and roll it between her fingers I began to get hot in the crotch. She moved to the other breast and I got hotter. Then she pulled me down to her and began to suck on one of my nipples! I'd never had anyone do that. Some of the boys and men had pinched them or felt them, but I'd never had anybody kiss them. It really made me gasp. I knew it was wrong, or at least awfully strange, but I liked it.
"I let her kiss the other nipple and I relaxed a little. She moved down on my body, kissing and biting and sucking, sliding my panties off as she moved her mouth down to my crotch. I could feel my cunt getting wet and hot, and I just spread my legs and let her stick her tongue inside my cunt! It was really something. I'd played with myself a lot of times, but it had never been like her mouth felt, with her tongue diving in and out. She began to play with the crack of my ass, then shoved a finger up inside my asshole!
"By that time, I was bucking and writhing around in excitement. I wanted her to keep on until I came. I used to come all the time when I masturbated, so I knew what it was. Besides, all the kids I'd known back in New York talked about fucking, sucking, and masturbating-all the time. But I had never had anyone suck my pussy, and I never even thought that a woman would even want to do it to another woman! Maybe I was dumb, but that's the straight truth!
"What puzzled me even more, I guess, was the fact that I liked it, and that I could come by having a woman do that to me. Aunt Sally didn't even seem to know or care if I came or not. She just spread my legs wide and dug in with her fingers, her tongue and her teeth. I had two quick comes, and all the while she just was moaning and sucking, mumbling into my cunt things like: 'I just want to eat you all day, baby.' Or, 'Fresh, sweet meat for Sally.' I wondered if she was a little off her rocker, the way she was acting.
"Finally, she just got tired and flopped back on the bed. She was naked, and I saw her flat, saggy titties just seem to almost disappear when she laid on her back. She wasn't a good-looking woman to start with, and with all the booze she gulped all the time I couldn't help but think that no man would really want to fuck her or make love to her. She wasn't old, just beat-up looking.
"She reached out one arm and dragged me over to her. 'Your turn, Julie,' she said, already beginning to talk with a thick tongue from the belts of gin she'd taken. 'Come on, suck your old Aunt Sally's cunt, baby.'
"I shuddered when she threw off the sheet and I saw her cunt. It was covered with thick hair, but the lips of it stuck out at least a half inch, and I could see the folds of brownish flesh inside. It looked like a worn-out piece of liver! Even from a distance of a couple of feet I could smell it, and it was sickening. I knew if I tried to put my tongue inside that ugly hunk of flesh I'd throw up. I didn't know what to do. I reached for the gin bottle that she had set on the floor by the bed, and took the cork out and handed it to her. I could hear my voice cracking with fright when I told her, "Here, Auntie, have a little more of the gin. I'll be back, and then I'll suck it.'
"I guess she believed me, because she swigged down all that was left of the gin. I hadn't seen any more out in the kitchen, and I wondered what I would do if she insisted on me sucking her cunt! My own pussy still tingled with the thrill of her sucking it, but I knew I just couldn't 'go down' on her and eat her smelly cunt, no matter what she did to me.
"I went to the bathroom and locked the door. I hoped that the gin would put her back to sleep, and it did. When I came out a half-hour later I could hear her snoring. I peeked in and saw that she was lying there naked, one arm over the edge of the bed, still clinging to the empty gin bottle.
"I tried to think what I'd do when she woke up. I went through all the cupboards in the kitchen, and under some pans I found a pint of gin. I put that beside her bed and then I left the house. I just walked, thinking about things, about Uncle Roy feeling me up, and kissing me that way, and, most of all, about my aunt. She was a queer-a woman lover. Funny, but I kept feeling sorry for my uncle, not her. She seemed to be able to knock herself out of the world with gin, but I wondered what that poor guy did. I had seen that he had to do all the cooking, and from the messy house she had I guess Roy had to do any cleaning that was done, too. But most of all I wondered about Roy and Sally in bed. I was dumb about those things then. I didn't know anything about bisexuals or lesbians or homo sexuals-only the smutty insinuations that the kids made about other kids at school. But they never explained what they were talking about.
"I wondered if Uncle Roy knew that his wife liked to suck cunt, and I wondered how he could stand to even get into bed with that smelly cunt of hers. I wondered if he sucked hers, and if she sucked his cock. A hundred things.
"I came to a little park. At least there was a few feet of grass there, with some half-dead bushes around it, so I sat down on the grass and wondered some more. I guess I thought a lot about Uncle Roy because I kept remembering the way he had kissed me and fooled with my breast. I wondered if he ever stuck his tongue into my aunt mouth, the way he had mine. I just couldn't see how he could. I thought about the tingle that had gone through my body when he was tonguing my mouth and feeling my titty. I compared the feeling to when I played with my pussy, using my fingers, and to the way it had felt when my aunt was sucking it! I was all mixed up, but I knew one thing for sure-I liked the feeling I got from my uncle a lot more than when my drunken aunt slobbered all over my pussy and my tits!
"I stayed out until late in the afternoon, and when I went home I could hear my aunt snoring again. I peeked in and saw that she had opened the bottle I'd put there, and had drank over half of it. She was dead to the world, and I went to the kitchen and found some potatoes and some hamburger. I peeled the potatoes and put them on the stove to boil, and I made patties of the hamburger. I found a can of pork and beans, and I opened them and put them in a bowl. Then I set the table. I don't know why, but I only set two places, one for me and one for Uncle Roy. I guess I didn't think my aunt would wake up by the time we ate.
"Uncle Roy came in about six, and he looked so tired. He glanced into the bedroom, then came into the kitchen. He smiled when he saw that I had started supper, and he came over and kissed me. He didn't feel me up, or stick his tongue in my mouth-he just kissed me on the cheek and squeezed my shoulder.
"He said, 'You're a good girl, Julie. How did you get on with Sally today?' I wanted to blurt out the whole story, but I was afraid that I might be spilling the beans-that maybe he didn't know about her.
"I stuttered, 'We-well, she-just stayed in bed most all day. I-" Uncle Roy nodded and heaved a big sigh. 'You don't have to be afraid to say it, honey. She was stoned all day. She's that way most of the time.' He spread his hands wide and shrugged. 'I just don't know what to do about her.'
"I walked over and put my arms around his waist, and held my face up for a kiss. He looked down at me, his hands going around my waist.
Then he said, 'You're smarter than I think you are, Julie. But-' He frowned, shaking his head as if he didn't want to say what he was going to. Then he squeezed me tight against him so that I couldn't see his eyes, and he asked, 'Did she-did Sally try to-well, do anything to you?'
"I knew then that he knew she was a cuntsucker, and in a way I felt relieved. I just nodded my head up and down, hanging on to him tightly.
"I could feel him tense up. He said, 'That drunken bitch! I ought to throw her ass out on the street, right now! The cunt-loving, gin-soaked bitch!'
"I could feel the fires building inside him, and I just wanted to cuddle him like I would a little boy that was hurt. But I didn't know what to do, so I just squeezed him tighter and patted him on the back.
"He pushed me back a little and I looked up at him. He was staring at me as if he was just realizing that I was there, in his arms. I could see the question in his eyes, and I lied. 'She didn't do anything, Uncle Roy-honest. She just wanted me to sit on the bed, but I was too scared. That was all. I brought her some more gin, but I guess I shouldn't have.'
"He shook his head quickly. 'You did just right, girl. Keep the sonofabitch smashed-that's the only way I can stand the goddamned bastard. It's you that I'm worrying about, not her. Was any of her friends here?'
"I told him that I had walked a long time, and that I didn't think so, because she was asleep when I left and she had drank a lot of gin by the time I came back and started supper. He nodded, and said, 'You're sweet, baby. Go ahead and put the hamburg on and I'll wash up. Maybe we go to the movies or something, okay?'
"He bent and kissed me quickly, holding my ass in his big hands and pulling me in close. I could feel his cock beginning to get big, and I stuck my tongue into his mouth quickly, then drew it out, teasing him. He grinned and said, 'Devil!' I pushed him away and went over and got the hamburg patties I'd fixed. He stood there watching me as I put them in to fry, a smile on his face. It was good to see him smile, and I smiled back. He went into the bathroom and I could hear him whistling while he was washing up.
"We had a nice supper. He said it wouldn't do any good, but I put one hamburg pattie aside and some potatoes, in case Aunt Sally woke up. He told me to put the dishes in the sink and we'd go somewhere.
"He had a battered old car that he said just about got him to work and then home, but that we'd take a chance on it tonight. I thought we were going to a regular movie, but he drove quite a ways and then we went into a drive-in theater. I don't even remember what was playing. He parked way in the back row, away from any other cars, and when he put a speaker in the car, he turned it off. He put his arm around my shoulders and I could hear his voice shake when he asked, 'Were you foolin' me with those kisses, girl?'
"I wanted him to know that I meant them, and I turned so he could see my face in the dimness. 'No. I liked it. I want more!'
"'You know what you're saying?' he asked, his hand moving along my bare thigh. 'I'm talkin' about more than kissing, Julie.'
"I said bravely, 'So am I.' At least, I wanted to sound brave.
"'You ever been with a man?' he asked, peering into my face. I knew I couldn't lie to him. If I did he'd find out anyhow, so I just said, 'Nobut-' I sighed, 'I want to.'
"'You're a sweet baby,' Roy said, his hand sliding farther up my leg until he came to my crotch. He slid a finger inside my panties and began to play with the lips of my pussy. I squirmed and spread my legs, and he moved closer and stuck his finger right into my cunt, touching my knob and making me jump and gasp with the pleasure of it.
"'Let's get in the back seat, honey,' he said. When I was crawling over the seat, he took my pantie top in both hands and just peeled them off me. I giggled and flopped in the back seat. He crawled over, and took me in his arms, so that one hand was on my breast and the other slid up between my legs. I could feel my pussy getting wet and hot as his fingers slid up inside it. I reached over and unzipped his pants and put my hand inside his fly. His cock was already stiff, and it felt hot when I grabbed it and began to stroke it.
"We just did that for a few minutes, while we kissed with our tongues flying in and out of each other's mouth. He was rolling the nipple of my breast around with his thumb and finger, while his finger on the other hand was massaging my knob, and I was jerking his prick, harder and faster all the time.
"All at once, Uncle Roy stopped feeling me both places, and he laid me back on the car seat. He grabbed one leg and put it up around his shoulder, then he got down on his knees on the floor. He spread the lips of my cunt with his fingers and he shoved his tongue up inside my pussy! It was a million times more exciting than it had been when Aunt Sally did it. Without thinking, I reached down and grabbed his head with both my hands, pulling him in closer to my aching pussy! He began to rub his tongue hard against it, up and down, and he shoved one finger into the back part of my cunt and dug it in deep. Inside a half-minute, I just lost control of my pussy. It began to move, all by itself, faster and faster, up and down, meeting his tongue and finger, and then a burst of heat spread all over my body, starting with the spot where his tongue was rubbing! He was making noises like somebody eating soup, and I raised my head and looked down, watching him licking and sucking, happier than I'd ever dreamed a black slum-girl could ever be!
"I wanted more. I wanted his cock inside me, rubbing the places he was sucking, touching the deep inside parts that his finger was exploring. I wanted to be fucked and fucked and fucked!
"I pushed his head back and he raised his head. I looked into his eyes. 'Fuck me, Roy-please fuck me and fuck me!' I pleaded.
"He raised up and spread my legs wide, one resting on the back of the seat and the other hanging over the edge. He stayed on his knees and moved in between my legs, his big, beautiful black cock in his hand. He guided the head of it to the lips of my cunt. Then he took my hips and pulled me down on his prick! I felt it slide deep inside me, and it didn't hurt-or if it did, I didn't feel it.
"He moaned as he dug it into me, all the way. It made me gasp, and I slid down so that I locked one leg around his hip, so I could help him go even deeper into my throbbing pussy! He kept saying, 'Oh, sweet shit, baby-sweet, sweet shit, you're good!'
"I kept saying to him, 'Fuck me, Roy-fuck me all you've got-fuck me!'
"We both seemed to know that the other one was coming, and we just hung onto each other tight, using arms, hands and legs. Then I felt his warm, sweet come shooting inside me at the same second that I burst wide open like fireworks in the sky. The hot electric sparks seemed to shoot out of his cock and into my pussy, and then they spread all over me. My ass tingled, my stomach shook and my cunt was afire with him! I couldn't stop, even when the first come was over. It was too perfect. I didn't want him to ever stop.
"He kept on, his cock getting harder again, and we came again in a couple of minutes. This time, I just had to stop long enough to kiss him-to suck his tongue and tell him over and over that I loved him-I loved his cock inside me-I loved his fucking! I was like a wild animal, and he laughed as he pulled his cock out.
"'Plenty more, baby, from now on,' Roy laughed, bending his head and licking at my come-filled cunt. 'You and me, we're gonna really show them.'
"We straightened ourselves up and he drove out of the drive-in. I sat close, my hand on his still hard prick, rubbing it. For the first time in my life, I felt close to somebody. I loved somebody and could feel love come back to me from Roy. I didn't care about anything else. To hell with Aunt Sally-or the whole world, for that matter.
"Uncle Roy pulled into the driveway by the house. It was still dark, so he figured that Sally was still sleeping off her drunk, or had started on a new one. We sat there just looking at each other, his hand playing with my tit, and me rubbing his cock with my hand. Without even wondering if he would like it or not, I bent over all of a sudden and plunged my mouth down over his cock! I wanted to stuff my mouth with it-eat it, lick it, suck it-anything to show him that I loved it, and him.
"He put his hands in back of my head and helped push my head down and up as I began to suck on it, using my teeth to nibble at the head of it once in a while.
"It only took a minute or so. He said in a husky voice, 'I'm gonna shoot in your mouth, baby. Don't be afraid. Just swallow it. I'm coming, baby-NOW!'
"He let himself go, his cock moving in and out of my mouth faster and faster, until I felt the spurt of his warm juice shooting into my mouth. I loved it. I swallowed and kept on sucking, licking every drop of it up, until finally he began to bunch up his stomach muscles, and gasp when I sucked it. He pushed me away, but he pulled my face up to his and kissed me softly on the mouth. 'I love you, baby,' he mumbled. 'I really do love you, like I never loved no one before!'
"I loved him so much I wanted to cry. I wondered how I could ever love him the way I wanted to, with that ugly bitch of an aunt around. I know it was borrowing trouble, but I had been to heaven, and I wanted to stay there, and the black devil in the house couldn't keep me out!"
It is an accepted fact that promiscuous sex activity is far more prevalent in slum areas than anywhere else. As one "welfare mother," who raised seven children without ever being married, put it: "What else can poor people do for fun? Sex is free, at least, and something the welfare people haven't taken away or rationed-yet!"
That Julie would accept sex as freely as she did with her Uncle Roy is understandable. In her background, sex was the only thing she saw plenty of, and to her, it became an accepted fact of life. This is true among the majority of slum dwellers, and it has nothing to do with ethnic background. Because the minority groups are, by and large, fated to live in sub-standard communities, many tend to think that free-wheeling sex is much more common to Negroes, Mexican-Americans, and Puerto Ricans. Authorities say this is not the case, but rather, that the living conditions are responsible for the sexual promiscuity, as well as the high rate of births out of wedlock.
Most states have rules in their welfare ad ministration which state that if there is an adult male in the household, who is not disabled, then he must work, or no welfare aid can be given. This one factor alone has created the phenomenon that Betty spoke of: a male who "lives" at the home, or at least, who visits at night for sex and social purposes, but who would automatically disrupt the welfare payments if he were to marry or live under a common-law status with the woman of the house.
That this is regrettable cannot be denied, yet no changes have been forthcoming to remedy this cruel injustice. However, in this book, we are interested in the socio-psychological facets only insofar as they affect the sex habits of the individuals involved. We are here not as moralists or reformers, but as reporters, and in the course of many investigations into case histories brought to our attention, we have come across this situation so often that it is hard to ignore its influence on the unfortunate dwellers in the "poverty pockets."
Returning to Julie and her aunt and uncle: This girl stepped into a situation that was fraught with tragic possibilities long before she entered the scene. A wife who is a complete alcoholic; a husband who is sexually frustrated (as we determined in talks with Roy), and who is suddenly confronted with a nubile young girl who, in her innocence of sex, falls in love with him. That Julie was ripe for seduction by any man who was even kind and considerate of her, is beyond question. Added to this was the shocking and disgusting experience she had with her lesbian aunt.
The knowledge that his wife was not only a hopeless drunk, unavailable to him as a sex partner, even had he not loathed her for her lesbianism, made Roy equally vulnerable to the situation that presented itself in the coming of his niece.
We are not attempting to write a mystery, thus, we will reveal that Roy is now serving a ten-to twenty-year sentence for second-degree murder, and Julie is a ward of the state, confined to a home for wayward juvenile females. We reveal this at this point in order that we might include some of the statements of the harried and work-ridden Uncle Roy. Roy is, by most standards, a "good" man. He showed this by continuing to work hard to support a home and to keep at least a semblance of his marriage intact. That it was frustrating for him is readily understandable; in fact, it is difficult to see why he even made the effort. Parts of his testimony on the witness stand will serve to provide a deeper look into the heart of a lonely, bitter man who saw a glimmer of hope, and who grasped it without counting the cost. We hope that the reader will neither condemn nor condone his acts, but will join us in trying to understand him better.
"I worked hard for what I got, and it wasn't for myself. It was for Sally, from the beginning. I loved her, a long time ago, and I wanted the things any man wants-a home, a good wife, kids, maybe-the decent life. I'm not blaming anybody for the way things happened, but I always had to take hard jobs. I didn't have no education to speak of, and being black as well as dumb, doesn't give a man much of a chance.
"Sally was all right at the start. I guess it was my fault that the sexy side started to go downhill. I worked long hours in the warehouse when I first started for the company, loading trailers and unloading boxcars and trucks, before I got a chance to become a truck driver. I'd come home at eight o'clock at night, and I'd be so tired that I'd fall asleep at the supper table.
"I couldn't blame her for getting pretty fed up with that, and when I bought the house, I had to work even harder. I took two jobs for a while-delivering papers in the early morning hours to the newsstands-before I went to work in the warehouse.
"Sally began to drink a lot. I didn't like it, but there wasn't much I could do about it. I suppose that she missed sex, too, and began to hang around bars a lot, drinking cheap gin and being picked up by men. When I found that out, I beat the hell out of her and that only made her worse.
"The next thing I knew, I come home and find her in bed with another woman! Stoned to the ears, both of them! I almost lost my job over that. I was so uptight I had two minor accidents in one week. I knew I had to get hold of myself, or I'd kill myself and maybe somebody else too, in an accident.
"So, I closed my eyes to it. I suppose everybody wonders why I didn't get a divorce or just walk away or throw her ass out. Well, I couldn't. I'm just not that way. She was a helpless wreck, toward the end, and I just couldn't do anything like that. I didn't have anything to be proud of, but I was proud, just the same. I was a man. I knew it, even if the world didn't notice. It wasn't any good for me or Sally, I know now, but I just couldn't do anything about it. Besides, a lawyer wanted six hundred dollars to get me a divorce! Where would a guy like me get that kind of money, without robbing somebody?
"That's how it was when Julie came to live with us. I just naturally liked her. She was sweet and clean and kind, like Sally was once, and she was not a little girl-not in her body-she was a woman. She was as lonesome as I was. She needed somebody as bad as I did. We had a need, that's all. We didn't think nothing about incest. We just thought about that need we had. It was eating my insides out, and when she came, and was so close, so lonely-well, I just had to have her.
"I'm not sorry that we had each other, even for that little while. I am sorry for what I had to do, but I think maybe I would have done it anyhow, sooner or later. I'm sorry for that, and I'm sorry that Julie had to be mixed up in it, but it wasn't any of her fault. All I ever got from her was good and sweet. No matter what anybody else thinks-it was good, what me and Julie had."
We shall continue with Julie's account of her torrid affair with her uncle Roy.
"I wanted to be with Roy so much, so bad, that those next few days were murder for me. I managed to stay out of Aunt Sally's way by seeing to it that she always had a good supply of gin around-Uncle Roy bought it and hid it so I could give it to her-and when some of her women friends would come, I'd just leave. I'd pretend that I had some errand to do for Uncle Roy. Most of the times, it was the same woman. She was older than Sally, and she was almost always drunk. , "A couple of times, I would pretend that I'd gone, and I'd sneak back in and peek into the living room or the bedroom. They would be in bed, either making love to each other, or just drinking gin, talking, but not laughing. I never heard Sally laugh. Most of the time, all she did was scream at me at the top of her lungs. She was always stoned by the time Roy came home, and after a while, we just began to ignore her. I mean, we just made love on the couch in the living room while she was smashed out of her skull from the booze. We could hear her drunken snores, and we got so we almost forgot that she was even there, after a while.
"We did everything to make each other happy. Once or twice, Uncle Roy wanted to shove his cock up my ass. I didn't like the idea at first, but then I felt that anything he would do to me wouldn't hurt. He loved me and I loved him. We were all each other had, so I told him to go ahead and do it.
"It hurt some, but when he reached in front of me and began to play with my knob, while he was shoving his dick up my asshole, I got a bang out of it, too, and I came a little bit after I first felt him shoot his hot stuff up inside my asshole.
"We loved to suck each other off at the same time, after we learned how to get into position, because he was a lot taller than I was. But the best of all was when we would fuck the regular way. I loved to lie on my back and wrap my legs around Roy, and just hang on while he pumped joy into my box.
"That's the way we were the night Sally staggered out of the bedroom and caught us. We were both naked, and we were so wrapped up in fucking that we didn't even hear her stumbling around in her room, looking for some more gin, I suppose.
"I saw her first and I froze. I was scared. She was standing there with a bleary look in her eyes, an empty gin bottle dangling from her hand. She was only wearing a dirty nightgown.
"Roy knew something was wrong when I got so stiff and scared, and he turned his head and saw her. He was startled, and he didn't even take his cock out or get up off of me. We just laid there like statues, and Sally stood almost as still as we were, except that she was weaving around, almost falling down.
"All at once, her eyes got wild. She took the gin bottle by the neck and smashed it against the radiator near the door. She came running at us, screeching, 'I'll cut your fucking cunt out, you rotten slut!' It was me she was after, and I just stiffened in terror and grabbed Roy's body. He had more sense than I did. He pushed me away quickly and scrambled up. He met her before she reached the couch, and she raised the jagged glass and tried to stab him in the face!
"He caught her arm in mid-air. He was strong, from loading all those heavy boxes and cartons every day, and I saw his fingernails digging into her flesh, but she didn't let go of the bottle. He shook her arm, but she still didn't let it fall, so he swung his other hand and hit her with his fist. She fell backward and she still had the bottle. But she was dazed, and when he came over and tried to take the bottle, she kicked Roy right in the balls! He grabbed both hands around his balls and cock, and he cursed at her. If she'd have had shoes on, she'd have probably 'nutted' him. He backed off a little, holding his crotch, and she got to a sitting position, then on her hands and knees, still grasping that scary, jagged bottle! She didn't even pay any attention to Roy-she came at me again! I was laying there, too scared to move. I was scared for Roy and scared for me. Sally was like a mad person. She was frothing at the mouth. She was cursing me, but I couldn't understand what she was saying, she was so mad.
"I threw up my arms, expecting to feel that sharp, ragged glass cutting into my flesh. I just wanted to save my eyes and my face.
"Uncle Roy moved like a football player. He just flung himself through the air and knocked her down, like you see a man tackle another man in a football game. She dropped the bottle part, and scrambled away to try to get it again, but Roy beat her to it. He grabbed it and he raised it up over her neck, while he held her down with his other hand, grabbing her around the mouth.
"'Stop it, you crazy woman!' he yelled. 'Or I'll cut your head off!'
"She kept struggling, and she brought one knee up into his crotch again. It didn't hurt as much as the first kick, because she couldn't get a good swing.
"Then everything seemed to go crazy. I saw Roy's arm going up and down. I heard his cursing and her screams, and I suddenly realized that I was screaming, too.
"Then Sally stopped screaming. She just laid there, blood all over her face and neck. I could hear her gasping, making a funny, bubbly sound. Roy stood up, with the bottle still in his hand. He just stared down at her, and in a minute or so, she stopped making any noise at all.
"I'd never seen a dead person, but I knew she was dead. Uncle Roy was beginning to cry. He just sobbed, over and over, 'Oh my God, oh my God!'
"I couldn't move. I didn't know what to do. The world was caving in on me, and I was so scared that I wet all over myself and the couch!
"It seemed like an hour that he just stood there, but it must have only been a minute. Then he snapped out of it and came over and put his arms around me. 'What's gonna happen to you, baby?' he said. 'I messed it all up. I just made a mess of everything.'
"I was shaking with fright, and I don't remember all the things he said, but he made me get my clothes on and he told me to take a long, long walk. He said when I came back, he'd have it straightened out. I guess he wasn't really thinking straight, either.
"I left, and I didn't find out until a lot later what had happened. He had tried to carry her body out to the car. He was going to crash the car some lonely spot, and he had put her clothes on her. But what none of us knew was that the people in the next house had heard all the screaming and cursing, and had called the cops. They got there just as he was putting her body into the car.
"They arrested him and they waited until I came home. Then they took me to a police station where they only took young kids.
"It was like a bad dream from there on. They asked me all kind of questions, and then they had a doctor examine me. Uncle Roy had already come once when we were on the couch, and they found his juices in me or something like that.
"They treated me all right, but I just cried day and night. I had to appear at Roy's trial, too, and his lawyer had me on the witness stand. I told all about Sally sucking my cunt that first day, and about seeing her with other women in bed, licking each other's pussies and sticking their fingers inside each other's cunt! I told the truth about everything, right up to the point where I left the house.
"I guess it wouldn't have been so bad for Roy if he hadn't tried to get rid of Sally's body. But his lawyer seemed to think that I had helped a lot by telling all those things. I wasn't there when they found him guilty, or when the judge sentenced him. They had already taken me to this home, and I read about it in the papers.
"I can't write to him, and they won't let him write to me. I wish I could die, I'm so lonesome. I don't know what I'll be like when I get out of here, or what I'll do. But if I can find a way, I'll wait until my uncle gets out. Maybe I can make up to him for all the trouble I got him into, I don't know."
That is the story of the two worlds of Julie: one a brief encounter with sexual and spiritual love, from an uncle, the other of poverty, despair and finally, tragedy.
She will doubtless shy away from any lesbian contacts in the institution where she is confined. When the first shock of lone ess and the deep tragedy wanes a bit, perhaps she will adapt to life there, study, and one day, emerge with the scars on her soul somewhat healed.
We hope so.
CHAPTER FIVE
Count on Uncle Charlie, Baby!
"I almost made it to Hollywood with Jimmy. Even if I didn't, I still had a ball for those few days. I'm just sorry that he had to get arrested, and that he lost his job and all. He was only trying to be nice to me. I was the one that made him take me in his semi. I don't mean I forced him, but I sure let him know that if he would let me ride with him he wouldn't be sorry.
"He was an independent hauler, so he didn't have any company to worry about. He didn't think he would lose his license, of course, and when that happened he couldn't make the payments on the truck, and he couldn't get a job with any trucking companies after the police spread the case all over the newspapers.
"We slept together in the little 'room' up over the driver's seat. Jim would pull off the road after he'd driven about ten hours, and, after we'd eaten something in a diner or restaurant, we'd just find a good quiet spot and crawl into our 'bed.'
"Sure, we had sex. That was what I used to pay my way. He was a nice guy, and I'm sorry it happened the way it did, that he got hurt.
"I'd sure have been better off if I had made it with him to the West Coast-or anywhere, for that matter. But at that time I couldn't know about Uncle Charlie. I had no choice. It was either go to him, or my mother was going to put me in a home for delinquents. I guess I couldn't blame her. I've been a problem for her since I was thirteen or so.
"That's when it all started for me. I had been in all sorts of school plays, skits, pageants, and when the local little theater group did The Bad Seed, and I got the leading part. I looked like I was about eleven, and they put a tight wrapping over my breasts to make me look younger. I didn't know was going to affect me like it did-the applause, the feeling of being important out there in the lights-the fun of being somebody else....
I was hooked good. I knew then that I'd never be happy again in my life if I didn't make it as an actress. Oh sure, I dreamed about becoming a big star, but if I couldn't then I'd settle for just being a good character actress-anything, just so I could be part of it all!
"I was just fourteen when I ran away the first time. I made the mistake of telling one of my girl friends where I was going. She told my mother, and the police stopped me before I was fifty miles from home. I took a bus that time. I used money that Arlie Jones had lent me. I call it 'lending,' even though I figured it was a gift. I had dated Arlie quite a few times-nobody knew about it, of course-and finally I'd let! him screw me.
"Arlie was older, maybe thirty-five. I'd known him since I was a little girl. He was different than most of the men and boys I knew. He liked movies, and reading good books, things like that. Arlie was the director in a lot of the little theater productions, and he acted in a few. He understood me. Maybe that's why I let him get my cherry, even though I knew he was married.
"So they brought me back home and I put on an act for a while. I never told them where I got the money to take a bus, but Arlie got sort of scared, and I didn't go on any more dates with him.
"I had to report to a juvenile officer in town once every week, for a while. Then they cut it to once a month, when they thought I had learned my lesson about running away and about having sex with older men.
"I even had a few dates with some younger boys, sixteen or seventeen, but it was a front. They were all a bunch of jerks, babies. Their idea of a big evening was to go to a drive-in movie and neck like hell. It turned them on, but not me, and when they got their steam up they always got cold feet and backed off. I even made one kid take my panties off and go down on me, but he was so damned scared that he'd make a fool of himself at fucking that he almost shit his pants in his hurry to get me home. He never did ask for another date.
"I didn't know it at the time but I had quite a reputation at school. They thought I was wild. Most of the parents forbade their snot-nosed sons to have anything to do with that 'hussy.' That sounds like a corny word, but in my neighborhood that's what they called a sexy woman or girl.
"But anyhow I should tell you about Gene. It was on account of him that I finally got to go to New York and stay with my uncle Charlie. Gene was around twenty-eight. He'd been married and divorced twice, and he came back to our town and managed a bar. He tended bar days, and, once in a while, nights. It was Gene that really turned me on more than any man in the world. He was handsome, with wavy blond hair, big blue eyes, and a muscular build. He had half the women in town making passes at him. For some reason-I guess because he didn't want anything to do with anyone who wanted marriage-he went for me. Not me alone, but mostly me. He had a small apartment in the same building the cocktail lounge was in and I spent a lot of time there. I forgot to tell you that I had known Gene since I was a baby. Of course, he was a lot older than I was, but I knew who he was when he was running all over town with a different girl every night.
"I was walking home from school one afternoon when he pulled up in his convertible and sat there, smiling, waiting until I was opposite his car.
"'You're Penny, aren't you?'
"I pretended I didn't know him, but I knew who he was, and a tingle went up my spine, being so close, seeing him smile and eye me up and down.
"'Ride?' Gene asked. I only had three more blocks to go, but I wasn't passing up a chance like this. He leaned over and opened the door for me. When I climbed in I could almost feel his eyes boring into me. I had on a miniskirt, and he could see part of my panties. I didn't make any effort to pull my skirt down, either.
"He looked over with that big smile and said, 'Whereto, Penny?'
"I just shrugged. He took off, and before we had gone a block he had reached over and was feeling my thigh. I liked it, but I didn't want him to think I was too easy, so I said, 'You're a fast man, Gene.'
"He seemed sort of surprised that I knew his name, but he didn't take his hand away. 'Life is in a hurry, baby,' he laughed. 'Man that moves fast gets the most.'
"He seemed so happy and boyish that I had to laugh along with him. We both knew that there was a spark between us, and that it would set off a whole bunch of fireworks, if we let it. And I wanted it. I had grown so damned bored with the jerks that had been trying to date me-I wanted a man, and Gene was more man than anyone I had ever seen.
"He pulled up behind the cocktail lounge where he worked and we just walked up to his apartment. We didn't have to ask each other. We both knew that we wanted sex, and like he said, 'Life is in a hurry.' While we were undressing, I asked him, "How did you know I'd come up here with you?' Gene laughed and said, 'News gets around, Penny. About everybody. I guess you know a lot about me, too. Besides, I asked a few people who you were-what you were like-all that. I've had my eye on you for a couple of weeks. You've got the older chicks in this burg beat a mile-' He whistled, and his eyes shone as I dropped my panties and bra and stood there naked. He was in his shorts, and I could see that he already had a hard-on, and it was a big one.
"I walked over to the couch and laid down, and he dropped his shorts and walked over to me. His cock was standing stiff and straight, and I could hardly wait to feel it inside me. But Gene liked to play around first, even though neither of us needed to be excited-we were already hot. But he spread my legs and crawled up between them so that he could kiss my pussy. He knew what he was doing, I'll tell you. He spread the lips with his fingers, then put his tongue in and tickled my clitoris until I began to roll and buck my ass up and down. He used one hand to massage one of my titties-soft, at first, then harder and harder until he was raking the nipple with his fingernails! He was driving me wild, and finally, I pushed his face away from my cunt and demanded: 'Fuck me, Gene-fuck me now-hard and fast-hard and fast!'
"He looked at me and shook his head. 'And to think I messed around with those other broads all this time!' he said. He crawled up between my legs, getting up on his knees a little, until he fitted his cock inside my pussy. Then he let the weight of most of his body rest on me, and he began to pump away. He kept biting my lip and ear and shoving his tongue into my mouth, then into my ear. It always got me hot as hell when a man did that-either way, and I locked my legs up around his hips and met every lunge of his with one of my own.
"When I felt him shoot his hot juice into me, I came. He was moaning with pleasure, and he kept sticking his tongue deep into my mouth, and I sucked it and flicked my tongue against his. He just kept right on, and I had a whole flock of orgasms, one right after the other, before he came the second time.
"I've only told you about Gene because it was him getting me pregnant that led to my being sent to my uncle. When the chips were really down, my mother couldn't see me sent to a home for wayward girls, so she called my uncle Charlie in New York and asked him if I could come there to get an abortion. Nobody in our small town in West Virginia knew any abortionists. In fact, if there had been one within a hundred miles, he'd have been lynched.
"Uncle Charlie was the 'roughneck' of my mother's family. He'd been a boxer, a professional strikebreaker, a sandhog, anything that was dangerous and rough, Charlie tackled. When he got hurt in a tunnel accident, he took his settlement money and bought a bar in New York. To my mother, Charlie was a hero. He could do anything, or have it done. He was always the one that came up with the money, or who doubled up his fists and beat the hell out of anyone who threatened him or any of his family.
"Of course, I had no real remembrance of him, because he was always away somewhere working. He left home when he was sixteen. He said that he wouldn't 'die coughing his lungs out like my old man had, in the coal mines.' I guess he was pretty good as a prizefighter, but he was awfully young and they 'pushed' him too fast. They put him in against the top fighters in the light heavyweight division, and he got his brains beat in.
"When I got pregnant, my big hero, Gene, acted like he'd never heard of me. Of course I didn't tell my mother who the father was, and she didn't tell the probation officer, either. She was always a weak sister type, who gave up easily. If there was anyone around to do the dirty work, she'd let them. So this time, it was Uncle Charlie.
"She called him and told him that I was in trouble, and he seemed to think it was no more difficult than getting rid of a cold. He told my mother to send me along, and let him take care of everything. My mother was crying afterwards, and she whined, 'That's the way Charlie always was. I can hear him saying, a hundred times, "Count on Charlie, Sis." '
"Trouble was, nobody really knew Charlie anymore. He had only come back a couple of times for a visit, and then he was restless and bad-tempered. But whenever my grandparents or my mother and her older sister needed any money, or any kind of help, 'good old Charlie' was always right there with it.
"I didn't really know what to expect when I went to New York. I guess every family has those heroes that nobody really knows, but everybody tells big stories about. I didn't really care, anyhow. I just wanted to get rid of the baby and then I knew I was going to either talk Uncle Charlie into letting me get a job and try for acting parts, or if he wouldn't go for that, I was just going to disappear and go it on my own.
"Charlie met me at the bus depot, and he wasn't at all like I pictured him. He was short and stocky, with a little bit of fat on his stomach. His face was pretty battered. He wasn't really ugly, but he sure wasn't a good-looking man. But there was something about him that made people look and listen. He seemed to be always in command. I guess that's called being dynamic-whatever, Charlie had it.
"He knew me by pictures my mother had sent, and he walked up, real breezy, arms outstretched, and he hugged me hard and kissed me on the mouth. His first words were, 'Don't worry about a thing, now, Penny. Just count on Uncle Charlie, baby!'
"I was surprised that he had already contacted an abortionist-a Puerto Rican doctor. The second day I was there, it was all done. I was only a little more than two months pregnant, and it wasn't so difficult, I guess. I came through it fine. I guess if I hadn't, Uncle Charlie would have killed the doctor. As it was, Charlie went along and he was in the next room all the time, and when Charlie was near, the doctor seemed nervous and shaky.
"Charlie had a real nice apartment, away from the cocktail lounge he owned, and I stayed there. He had one bedroom, but his living room had two studio couches in it that made into beds, so there was room for me.
"I didn't see too much of Charlie the first few days. He insisted I just rest up and, to tell the truth, I did feel a little groggy.
"I began to wonder about him-the way he kept sizing me up, and how he would always come over and kiss me when he came home-not a 'peck,' but a real hot kiss. I asked him when I could go down and see his place, but he kept telling me he didn't want his niece hanging around a saloon-he always called it a saloon, though it was a pretty nice cocktail lounge on 8th Avenue, near a lot of big office buildings. Charlie lived as if he had plenty of money, and I began to think that if I played up to him a little, he might let me stay there and take a real fling at show business. In a way, I guess I had a lot to do with the kissing-I opened my lips and moved my pussy up close to him when he kissed me.
"He came home early one night, about eight. I was watching TV, and he was in a happy mood. He gave me that big kiss, only with an extra flourish this time. He put his hands around my fanny cheeks and pulled me in close to him. I could feel his cock starting to swell as I let his tongue go into my mouth. When he really kissed me, I could tell that he has been drinking a lot. What I thought was a happy mood was just plain drunk!
"Uncle Charlie began to feel my breasts, and with his other hand, he was rubbing my pussy, through my dress. He'd never gone quite that far before, and I began to be a little bit scared of him. He was a strong man, and if he got really rough with me, I wouldn't be able to handle him.
"He said, 'You must be about ready to cut loose again, Penny. And don't give me any bullshit about not being a sexpot. You came to me all knocked up and I got you knocked down. Your mother told me that you've been fucking around with men since you were twelve. Now, it's time to pay off Charlie. You know, that goddamned butcher job didn't cost peanuts. I want some fucking, and I want it now!'
"I guess it was the way he talked and the way he was digging his fingers into my pussy and my breast that made me mad. As I said, he wasn't good-looking, but there was something about him that could turn a lot of women on. If he had been a little gentler, maybe I'd have offered him some sex. I felt I owed him a lot-not just for the operation to get rid of Gene's baby, but for what I still wanted from him-my chance at show business!
"But I backed away and slapped his hands down. That was the worst thing I could have done. His face got ugly and red, and he came at me with his fists doubled up. He shouted, 'You little shit, don't you give me none of that stuff!
You're a cheap whore, just like all the rest of them, and I've paid in advance. Now you get those goddamned clothes off and get your ass in gear! I said I'm going to take it out in trade!'
"He didn't hit me, but I knew he would. Still, I was mad. Maybe I was too used to being begged and honeyed into having sex, but Uncle Charlie was making me angry. I have to be hot for a guy-have to want him-to really put out, and he was just turning me cold, turning me off completely.
"I backed off and said, 'You're drunk, Charlie. Let's wait until you're sober-then we'll do something.'
"He moved closer to me and shot out one hand and grabbed my wrist, twisting it and making me wince. 'Old Charlie never gets too drunk to get a good hard-on!' he shouted. He reached down with his other hand and unzipped his pants and took out his cock. It was already stiff and straight, but not completely hard". 'And when I am, I can always get a dumb cunt to suck it for me until it gets good and hard!' he went on. 'Now, you get those fucking clothes off, before I tear them off you!'
"I was really scared now, and in a funny way, his bare cock began to excite me. I had never had a firm hand on me, and when I did, I usually rebelled all the more. But Charlie was different. I knew he wasn't just threatening. I began to take off my panties, and he stepped back a foot or so, his cock still hanging out of his pants. Then I took off my blouse and skirt, and last of all, my bra. I have had nice big round breasts since I was twelve, and I watched Charlie's eyes as he ran them over my breasts and my pussy. His cock began to throb and jerk, and he unbuckled his belt and took it off. It didn't dawn on me what he was going to do. I just never connected sex with violence-except for the violent biting and scratching that are part of it when you really want it.
"When he flicked out quick as a snake with that belt, he caught me completely by surprise, and I screamed when it caught me on the stomach! It stung like hell, and before I could do more than holler, he had raised his arm in a good swing and cracked me on the ass as I half turned away!
"All I could think of was to grab for it, and I ran at him, wanting to grab that belt and hit him back, or else scratch his goddamned face until it was uglier than it was already! But as I came close, he shot out a fist and caught me alongside the head. It stunned me and knocked me down. I fell on the floor and he stood over me, his crooked mouth twisted in a grin. He dropped his pants and his shorts, and he stood there in his shirt, his big cock getting larger by the second. He took the belt in both hands and ran his hands over it, almost as if he loved the feel of it. Then he raised it high and brought it down across my exposed thighs and pussy! It sent fire into my flesh, and I rolled and writhed, but no matter where I covered myself with my hands, there was always another spot exposed, and the belt bit into my ass, my breasts, my shoulders, until I could hardly see, the pain was so brain-numbing!"
The case of Penny and her uncle Charlie is unusual. It is rare that a sadist has a chance to perform his sadistic sex acts on a close relative, simply because the signs of sadism usually appear early, and the family shields the young victim from the sadist.
Charlie himself would make an interesting study, for he is typical of the modern-day sadist, in that all the outward signs were there for all to see, yet were overlooked by the members of the family, and those who should have spotted him for the devil that he was.
Any psychiatrist would have immediately noticed the pattern of violence in Charlie's behavior. He was a prizefighter-a youth who delighted in inflicting punishment on others. The fact that it was for money made little difference to him. He would have been a neighborhood bully or a tough, "alley fighter" type, had he not left home at an early age. He would have terrorized the neighborhood boys, using whatever implements of painful torture he could, in eluding his fists. He would have doubtless been the terror of the neighborhood contingent of girls, too, for a sadist is, whether he realizes it or not, sexually motivated.
Once Charlie had reached late puberty, he would have begun to experience sexual arousal from inflicting pain, and especially on females.
As it was, he deliberately chose jobs that allowed him free rein to explode his violent nature almost at will. The life of a boxer makes it possible to vent violent tendencies almost every day, in sparring, in bag-punching, and in actual matches.
Note too, that Charlie had been a professional strikebreaker-a paid "scab"-in the parlance of labor. Here too, there was great opportunity to engage in almost wanton violence, usually against persons who are ill-equipped to defend themselves. Most workmen are, if not mature, surely not in the best athletic condition, and when a gang of professional strikebreakers are brought in by company officials, violence and bloodshed almost invariably result.
In his early associations with the saloon and cocktail crowd, Charlie had often "flexed his muscles" in bars, to beat up innocent, though often noisy, drunks. In his own place, he brooked absolutely no loud talk nor untoward conduct-not that his clientele would have protested or shunned the place, so much as the fact that Charlie simply could not control his sadistic tendencies. He almost created incidents so that he might inflict pain and physical hurt on another person.
As we shall see when we continue Penny's account, he had a low opinion of women. In his life as a boxer and a professional roughneck, he had associated only with the dregs of femininity-the tough, money-hungry women who gravitate to the professional fighter's group, if not to him personally. In his strikebreaking activities, if a woman happened to be marching in a picket line and got in his way, or grew too obstreperous in her language and taunts, Charlie would as quickly use his fists on her as he might her husband or son.
Recall, too, if you will, that his face bore the marks of his trades, and that he was a somewhat homely man whose face had been twisted and lacerated by the fists of other men, as well as having been pulverized by other weapons such as knives, broken bottles, blackjacks and brass knuckles. He was not an attractive man, where women are concerned, as Penny pointed out. He did, however, have that certain fascination for them that a dangerous beast might have. He excited the animalistic imagination of most women who paid any attention at all, but to Charlie, all women were "pigs," creatures of contempt who were only targets for his sadism.
As we shall see, Charlie had had to "buy" his sex, all his life. He had never been in love, nor had he ever been loved by a woman. This fact-living his sex life entirely with cheap bar pickups or prostitutes-created an utter contempt for women that bordered on psychotic hatred.
We shall see, from his actions and words, that he had agreed to help Penny only because she fit into the category of females that Charlie knew and liked to associate with. She was cheap, easy to lay (as she had already proven) and, equally important, she was in his power because she was in his debt from the moment she came to New York. The blood relationship meant nothing to him. Incest had no part in the governing of his passions. To Charlie, a female was a female, made only to punish and enjoy sexually.
As to Penny, she was not a naive youngster who was entrapped by a scheming, "dirty old man." She was an experienced, aggressive young female who enjoyed sex, and who enjoyed even more the feeling of "being in command," by the use of her sexual attractions. In her own way, Penny was of a sadistic nature, though it had not found an outlet in physical violence upon others. She enjoyed the "puppet on the string" relationship that came about when she completely dominated a male who desired her sex Actually, from a psychological point of view, it was quite natural that Penny should become a dedicated hater of men. She had already come to despise many of the younger boys with whom she had been on dates, for their immaturity, their lack of sexual aggressiveness and knowledge. It irritated her when she could not so sexually arouse a male that he could not help but try to have intercourse.
When she finally entered a full sexual relationship with a man she really seemed to admire and, to a degree, respect (because of Gene's free and easy manners and his reckless disregard for public opinion) she was let down sharply when he turned coldly away from her after she became pregnant with his child. The seeds of hatred and deep mistrust of men had been planted early-actually, before Gene entered the picture. Psychiatrists know that most of us associate authority with the male image-the "father figure." Subconsciously, Penny had already begun to hate men because of her long association with juvenile authorities.
Then, too, she had never remembered a relationship of closeness or love with a male, such as most girls experience with their father. Usually, when a girl can grow up with both parents, she begins to see that any authority exercised by them is for her benefit, and is used because they love her. Penny's only contact with male authority was that of a threatening, punitive nature. Thus, all of her confrontations with males were more in the nature of a defiant challenge-to show them that she was the strong one, and that she would dominate in all things.
Thus, it is easy to see, even for the lay person, why Penny eventually became what she is today-a professional prostitute, a man hater, and a lover of women, in her private life.
One other point in Penny's makeup is very significant. She is a complete egotist. Having interviewed many actors and actresses, and having established a close relationship with several of them, we have heard from their own lips the importance (and total existence in each) of egotism. To be a dedicated actress, a woman must believe in herself above all else. It is one of the few professions where this super ego is an asset, and it is always there in each successful performer in show business.
Penny had been bitten by the "show business bug" at an early age. She had proven (to herself, at least) that this was a world that fascinated her and which she could conquer. She was willing to give everything-even her body and sexual favors, and to sacrifice her own self-respect in order to follow her star. In her own mind, Penny feels that she was not rebelling against authority, but that she was merely following her own destiny to an eventual stardom in the theater or films.
In this case history, all the pieces fit together to create a tragedy, almost as if a script writer had cleverly written the plot and then cast two
"perfect types" for the lead roles-Penny, and "good old Uncle Charlie."
Let us continue with her account, in her own words.
"All I could remember was that the more he hurt me, the more determined I became that the sonofabitch would never get that cock of his in me! I hated the bastard! He was like all the rest-no, he was far worse, and I wasn't going to faint or pass out from the pain, to make it easy for him to fuck me while I was helpless. In fact, I was going to show the bastard that I was tougher and smarter than he ever would be.
"I managed to crawl to the couch and I grabbed two of the cushions and held them so they covered most of my body. Charlie still kept on swinging the belt, only now, he had grabbed the other end, and was using the heavy buckle end to beat me. When I used the cushions as a shield, he went insane. He dropped the belt and grabbed the cushions and tore them from my hands. Then he scrambled up on top of me and used his fists and his nails. He would hit me with one hand, while with the other, he was raking his fingernails across my breasts, grabbing the soft nipple and digging in so deep that the blood came! I was going into a blackout, and all I could think of was to kick him, or to do something painful to that goddamned cock of his that was bobbing up and down like a war club.
"I tried to get my knees free enough to give him one of them in the balls, but he was too heavy on me. I finally got his cock in one hand, and I raked my fingernails up and down it until I knew it had to be bleeding. I really dug into the semi-softness of it with all the strength of my fingers, and then I would rake upward.
"He yelled filthy names at me at first, and used both hands to beat me about the face, and finally, I must have been really hurting him, because he stopped beating me and throttled me with both hands. He began choking me, and he had awfully strong fingers and hands. I knew I was going to faint, and I was afraid that in his frenzy, without my resisting him, he would actually kill me! His eyes were like balls of black, boiling oil! He was insane, and yet, his goddamned cock was as stiff as a poker. If I hadn't been so panicky, I might have laughed. Maybe I did, a little-I was that hysterical with fright and pain.
"I'd never known pain like this. I had never had any worse than a slap across my fanny once in a great while, from my mother. It was new to me, and it was making me sick to my stomach. Suddenly, Charlie eased up on my throat, and I spewed a whole gob of vomit out! It went all over his chest and stomach, and all over me, and it sobered him up.
"He scrambled off me, his cock waving at me as if it were alive and angry, and he stood there looking at his stomach, with my vomit mixed in with the black hairs. He grabbed my dress and began to wipe it off, and he growled at me, 'Get into the bathroom and clean up, you fucking slob. I ain't finished with you yet. You ain't even made a down payment on that abortion!'
"I was still half dazed, and I stumbled into the bathroom and when I looked into the mirror over the sink, I threw up some more, at the sight of my face. It was all swollen and bloody. My lip was cut and my nose was bleeding, and one eye was already swelling shut and turning purple-red !
"I splashed some cold water on my face and it helped bring me back to reality a little. I managed to get into the shower and I turned the cold water on. It stung and shocked me and that's what I needed. It felt good, running over my sore, bruised body. I looked down and saw that he had cut the flesh on my thighs, my breast and my stomach, and I could feel that he must have opened wounds on my shoulders and on my ass cheeks with that goddamned belt.
"I cleared my head a little, and I wondered what I would do if he came at me again when I went out. I even thought of taking something from the bathroom-a razor blade or a bottle of shave lotion-to defend myself from the goddamned maniac.
"While I was drying myself gingerly-the cuts and bruises hurt like hell-Charlie came and stood in the bathroom doorway. He was half-grinning, but it was like most persons look when they're snarling at you.
"I looked down and got a little satisfaction when I saw that I had really scratched the hell out of his cock. It was a little softer, but not really soft all the way, and I could see little drops of blood in the scratches. I couldn't look right at him. I didn't want him to see that I was as scared as I really was.
"He stepped inside and patted one of the sore spots on my ass. 'You're a real bitch in a fight, baby,' he said, a little honest admiration in his eyes and tone of voice. 'You must take after your Uncle Charlie. Nobody ever put Charlie away, and you ain't going to be the first, baby.' He was bragging, but at the same time, he was warning me that I'd better not try any more rough stuff against him.
"He frowned at my body, then said, 'You ain't so fuckin' hot, you know. Hadn't been for me, you'd be in a goddamned home somewhere. You owe me, and I'm gonna collect in full. You might just as well knock off all the wildcat shit and get ready for some real fucking.'
"Funny, but I thought he was right. My body was too sore to absorb much more, and besides, he had hit a sore spot when he mentioned the home. I remembered what I had really come here for-a chance to crash into show business, and I knew that I could take all the cock he could shove into me and come out all right. It was worth it, for a chance to do what I'd always wanted to.
"Then he said something funny as he stepped back and looked my body over from head to foot. He said, 'You can probably make a wad down at my joint. Some of the girls down there make three-four hundred a week, they tell me.'
"I suspected he was talking about girls that hung around his cocktail lounge, but I didn't know then that he was actually pimping for some of them. At least, he was letting them work out of his place, and I know he was steering a few friends of his onto the setup. But I didn't learn about that for sure until later. I'll tell you about that, later on.
"I decided that the best way to handle Charlie was to act as if I wasn't afraid of him. He was still a horny man, and I felt that he liked 'young stuff the same as most men do, so I just played it cool. I turned and looked at his prick. I reached out and touched it, and said, 'I'm sorry I hurt you, Uncle Charlie.' I deliberately called him uncle, hoping that it might cool him down if he had any ideas of using his fists or a belt on me again.
"Then I said, 'I don't want to "make a wad" by being a whore, Uncle Charlie. I want to become an actress. I'll play ball with you if you'll help me get a chance at acting.'
"He looked at me quizzically. I could see that he hadn't heard about my ambitions from my mother. He said mockingly, 'You got it assbackward, baby. You'll play along with what I want whether I help you or not. I told you, you owe me. Now, get your ass in that bed and we'll get down to some plain and fancy fucking.'
"I walked into the bedroom. I still felt that, once he got into me, and found how good I could be when I wanted to, he'd change his tune. I laid on the bed and spread my legs. My body hurt, but he hadn't hit me on the cunt, and when I looked at him standing there, his prick getting hard and straight up again, I felt a little hot start for him, in my pussy. He had a nice body, even if he was short. He kept himself in good shape, and his stomach was flat, his shoulders broad and muscular. He looked like a fighter when he was naked like that.
"He laid down beside me on the bed, and he nudged me with his elbow. 'You better make that old cock of mine feel better with your mouth, kid,' he said. 'You scratched it, now you suck it!'
"I had never sucked a man's cock before. I'd had it a lot of different ways, but never in my mouth. I'd had men suck my pussy, but none of them had ever wanted me to do it to them. I raised up and took it in my hand. I jerked it a little, and Charlie began to play with one of my titties. In spite of myself, I began to get pretty excited about taking Charlie's cock into my mouth. I thought it would gag me, it was so round and hard. But I knew I could control how deep it went into my mouth, so I didn't worry about it.
"I leaned forward and began to tickle the head of it with my tongue, while I still held it in one hand and moved the soft skin up and down. Charlie raised his head to watch me, and when I began to lick the shaft of it up and down, he sat up and put his hand on the back of my head. He pushed my face down hard, and I opened my mouth and let his prick slide into my mouth. It tasted salty, and it was hot, but it wasn't as big as I thought it would be. I began to suck on it, moving my mouth up and down on it, still playing with the shaft of it with one hand. I moved so that I was between his legs, lying on my stomach, and Charlie laid back and began to move with the suction of my mouth. He bucked up as I was going down. He began to move his hips up and down faster and faster, and he panted and moaned a little as he began to roll from side to side. Then he let out a gasp and I felt the first shot of hot juice squirt into my mouth. It surprised me, although I don't know why-maybe because I didn't know quite what to do about it. I just swallowed it and kept on sucking. I was pretty hot by then. In a funny, sexy way, I was enjoying sucking his cock.
"When the last throbbing had left his cock, it began to go soft again, and he pushed me away. I thought that he would go down on me, or play with my titties and pussy until he got another hard-on, but he didn't. He sat up and looked at me. I was still wiping my mouth on the back of my hand. Some of his come had dribbled a little, and I thought he'd make some move to work us both into a mood for a good fuck.
"He said, 'That was a little better, but you still got a long way to go before we're square.'
"I started to get up, figuring he was telling me off, but he pulled me back down on the bed. He was hurting my arm, the way he dug his nails into my flesh.
"He began to play with my nipples, pinching them hard between his fingers. Even though it hurt some, it made me hotter than ever. I had really wanted to have him fuck me after I'd sucked him off, because it had worked me up pretty good. He stopped pinching my tits and then started to kiss and suck them. I relaxed and laid back, and he began to bite them, while he used one hand to stick his fingers up inside my cunt. He wasn't gentle, and along with all the sore spots and cuts, I didn't respond to it at all, in a sexy way. He seemed to me to be just going back to hurting me because he liked to hurt me.
"But I saw that his prick got hard again, and I hoped that when it was good and stiff, that he would forget all the hurt and just climb on me and fuck me. But I didn't know 'good old Uncle Charlie' very well. He pushed me away again, after his cock was stiff, and told me to get on my hands and knees. I still thought that he was going to fuck me from the back. Gene had done that a couple of times, and it was pretty good. I knew that it let a man's cock go in the full length, and although it wasn't my favorite way, it still wasn't too bad. At least it was better than having Charlie using his fingers and his fists to punish and hurt me.
"I got on my hands and knees and he crawled up between my legs, his cock in one hand. He moved in close, and spread my ass cheeks with one hand while he guided his prick with the other one. He guided it right to the opening of my asshole! He began to shove it in, and it hurt like hell.
"I'd heard about 'cornholing,' but I'd never had it done to me. I was dry, and so was his cock, and it wouldn't go in easily. Charlie kept on ramming it home, and after a bit it did begin to slide in a little easier, but it still hurt me. I turned my head and begged him, 'Please, Uncle Charlie, fuck me the regular way, can't you?'
"He swung one hand and slapped me across the face! It almost made his cock slip out, but he grabbed it and held my hips with one hand and began to ram it in again, harder and deeper with each thrust.
"He shouted, 'You think I'd put my good clean cock into that filthy slit you call a cunt? After all the other crumbs you've fucked? You nuts, girl? You're like all those sluts that hang around my joint-you're cock crazy. You think that any guy that looks at you wants to fuck you! Well, not me-not Charlie. You cunts are good for a blow job or an ass-fuck, and that's all. Old Charlie ain't running around with a dripping cock from some disease you bastards peddle! Not me. You just shut your mouth and open your asshole, or I'll beat the shit out of you next time!'
"He was warming up to his cornhole job now, and his cock was going way up inside my asshole. He grabbed my hips in both his hands and pulled my ass back down as he was thrusting upward. I don't know if it was the physical hurt or the humiliation I was feeling, but I just began to cry, like a little girl. It didn't seem to faze him at all, because he kept on pumping away, and after a couple more minutes he shot his load up my ass!
"I was beginning to get weak from the beating, and from the hurt in my ass, as well as the shame and anger that was sweeping over me. I made up my mind that if he pulled one more nasty, dirty, hurtful trick, I was going to try to knock him unconscious, then make a run for it. I didn't have any money, but I didn't care any longer. Charlie was a madman. He was so bitter about women that he didn't know how to be kind or good to them. I'd had it with him.
"He pulled his cock out of my asshole and laid back on the bed. I looked at it and it was covered with his come, mixed with little flecks of my brown shit. He pointed at it and told me to get a washcloth and clean him up. I was too tired to fight, and too scared, so I hobbled into the bathroom and wet a washcloth with warm water and went back to the bed and washed him all clean. His cock was soft again, and he had started to doze off. But when I washed it he was wide awake again.
"When I had finished, he sat up and told me to get my clothes on, that we were going down to his place. I'd wanted to see it before, but now I was too tired and hurt. I didn't want any more beatings or ass-fucking so I just got into my panties and blouse and skirt. I felt sort of numb in the lower part of my body, and I was also frustrated sexually. I wasn't used to being aroused, then abused and left high and dry, without any satisfaction for me.
"Charlie got dressed up and we got into his car and drove to his cocktail lounge. It was about ten o'clock. We parked in a parking lot nearby, and he took my arm and led me into the front of the place. It was crowded, with a lot more men than women. There were a few booths in the back part and a little dance floor. One couple was dancing to the music from a juke box, but the rest of the people were sitting at the bar, or in a couple of booths.
"I thought the place looked pretty rundown and shabby, but the people there were laughing it up, and everybody seemed to be having a good time. When we walked in, a lot of the men shouted greetings at Charlie, but he hurried right back to the end of the bar and began to bang on it with a heavy wooden mallet he had grabbed from the back bar.
"Hey, you chumps,' he yelled, when they had quieted down a little, 'this here is my niece, Penny. No fooling, she's really my sister's girl. Now-anybody here fools with her, they got Charlie to answer to! Got it? Okay, go on back to your booze!'
"He shoved me toward an empty stool at the end of the bar and told the bartender to give me a drink. I didn't know what to order when the bartender-an older man with only one eye and an eye patch over the other-asked me what I wanted to drink. Charlie laughed a nasty laugh and said to him, 'She thinks she's all grown up, Sid, so give her a grown up drink. Give her some bourbon with a little water chaser.'
"I'd tasted bourbon once, and it had burned my throat. I didn't see how anyone could drink it, let alone enjoy it, but I was afraid to refuse.
"By the time the bartender had served me, Charlie had moved up the bar and was laughing and joking with some of the male customers. He hardly glanced at me, and I relaxed a little and looked around more carefully. I saw that the women in the place were all much younger than most of the men, and that more often than not, one woman would be sharing a booth with two or three men. It was the same at the bar, where two women sat, surrounded by coarsemouthed males. I could hear the smutty talk that was going on, and it began to dawn on me what Charlie had meant when he referred to the women at his place.
"They were, at best, 'B-Girls,'-girls who hung around the bar and cadged drinks from men, and who doubtless took them home later, where they sold their bodies to them. I found all this out later, but I suspected even then what was going on.
"I sipped gingerly at the bourbon, and it did burn, but I was sore, discouraged and downhearted, and I screwed up my courage and downed the glass of liquor in a gulp. The bartender noticed my empty glass when I gulped down the water and he refilled it immediately. I had raised the second shot glass of whiskey and was about to down it when I felt a hand on my arm. I turned to look into the face of a nice-looking woman of about thirty. She was well dressed and she had kind eyes. She was smiling, and she said to me, 'That won't do it, kid.'
"I put the shot down and turned to talk to her. 'You don't know my uncle Charlie,' I said.
"'Don't I?' she asked sarcastically. 'I wish I didn't. But, are you really his niece?' I nodded, and managed to smile a little when I almost repeated her statement, saying, 'I wish I wasn't.'
"She had soft red hair and I liked her instinctively. She reached out and gently touched my swollen eye and put her finger on a discolored spot on my arm, where Charlie had hit me.
"'You don't have to take that from any man, honey,' she said, her eyes shining with anger as she glanced at my uncle. 'Listen, my name's Barbara, and I'm about fed up with this place. Want to take a chance and cut out-for good, from Charlie?'
"My heart jumped at the thought of being away from his cruelties, and besides, I liked Barbara right away. I didn't know then that she was a call girl or that she was a lesbian, but I'm glad she found me. I needed somebody to talk to more than anything else right then-somebody who would understand, and who was kind and gentle.
"But I was still scared of Charlie. I'd had a good taste of his kind of treatment-and his kind of sex. And I knew it wasn't for me. I remembered that, twice that night, the thought of killing him had entered my mind. But I had my chance now. All I needed was the guts to go through with it. Barbara was offering it to me.
"'I want to,' I said softly, 'but-I don't know.' I glanced at Charlie who was slapping a man on the back and laughing at some joke he'd told.
"Barbara looked at Charlie with a sneer. 'Leave it to me, baby,' she advised. 'I'll leave here in a few minutes. You go out the back door. If Charlie sees you, tell him you're going to the John. I'll wait for you at a place called Mame's, two blocks up the street, on the same side as this joint is. Charlie never comes in there. It just isn't his kind of place.' She snickered when she said that, but it was only later when I found out that it was a well-known lesbian hangout that I appreciated the weak joke.
"I said, 'I haven't got any money. All I've got is the clothes I'm wearing.' Barbara patted my arm. 'Never mind about that. I'm leaving now. You just do like I told you. Everything will be all right, you'll see.' She moved her head close and kissed me quickly on the cheek. It sent a strange quiver up my spine. Even the touch of her hand on my skin was doing something strange to me.
"I nodded, having decided that it was now or never for me. I was getting the chance that I wanted, and I wasn't going to let Uncle Charlie stop me. 'Okay,' I told her. 'I'll be there as quickly as I can.' She squeezed my arm and walked away. She headed out the back, as if she were going to the toilet, and flashed me a quick smile just before she disappeared.
"I sipped at the second drink. It was tasting a little better now. I knew that Charlie would move away sooner or later, to where he couldn't keep me in his line of vision, and when he did, I was going to make my move.
"But he stayed there quite a while-ten minutes or so, and I had finished the second drink. I was beginning to feel different. I had more confidence, and the soreness seemed to be fading from my body. Of course it was the bourbon taking effect, and when I set the empty glass down, the bartender filled it again and walked away.
"I kept my eye on Charlie, and he walked up to the far end of the bar and sat down in a booth with a woman and two other men. I knew it was my chance, but I didn't want to blow it, so I called the bartender and asked him where the ladies' room was. He pointed toward the back, then left to wait on a man who was pounding on the bar for a refill of his drink. As soon as his back was turned, I got up and went to the back. I kept on past the restrooms and out the back door. Making my way through an alley, I came back out on the street a few doors from Charlie's place, and I walked fast in the direction Barbara had pointed.
"She was waiting just inside the door for me. When I walked in and saw her, I almost felt like crying. For the first time in weeks, I felt as if I were with a friend.
"She took me by the arm and we walked back out onto the street. There was a cab nearby, and she woke the driver by tapping on the windshield. I didn't pay any attention to the address she gave him. I didn't care where we went, so long as it was away from Charlie.
"It wasn't far to her apartment building, and when I walked in and saw all the bright, frilly, feminine things, I felt clean again. I even forgot all the bruises on my body. I felt like I was home-where I belonged.
"Barbara stood beside me, watching me take in the place, a soft smile on her face. 'It's home, honey, for as long as you want it,' she said. She walked over to me and put her arms around me and kissed my cheek. Then she moved her lips to my mouth, and when I felt those soft, warm, eager lips open, I opened my own lips and her tongue slid inside my mouth-exploring, demanding, promising!
"I began to kiss her back, moving closer to her, rubbing my pelvis against hers. We were almost the same height and shape, and we stood there for a long time, just giving out messages of reassurance with our mouths and our bodies. I knew she was a lesbian, but I also knew that no man had ever made me feel this secure-this wanted and appreciated. Her hands roved over my breast and my bottom, and without any words, she led me into the bedroom. It was a lovely room, with bright curtains and a lot of 'girl things' around, like stuffed animals, fancy perfume bottles and stuff.
"I let her undress me, and she gasped when she discovered each bruise and cut on my body, stopping to kiss them tenderly. When I was naked, she urged me onto the big bed, and I watched as she stripped quickly. She had lovely round breasts, smaller than mine, but pert and saucy. Her waist was small, and her thighs nice, and I was surprised to see the 'V of natural red hair that surrounded her pussy. I could see the lips of it nestled there, and I wanted her to kiss me all over and to let me caress her body with my own lips.
"She went over my body again with her kisses, making soft clucking noises as she gently caressed each mark. She said things like, 'My sweet baby, nobody's going to hurt you again-never!'
"When she spread my legs and nestled her red head between my legs, I felt at peace. I just relaxed, letting every part of my body focus on how wonderful it felt as her tongue began to lick my thighs, then the lips of my pussy, and finally, my clitoris. It was heaven. It was all the other thrills wrapped up in soft, sweet love, and I knew that I'd never again want a man.
"After she had made me come three times, I went down on Barbara. It was as if a strange magic had come to me. I felt so natural ... so good and clean. I wanted to make her come, and I kissed every inch of her pussy that I could reach. Afterwards, we lay in bed naked and talked. I told her most of what had happened to me, and she understood. She told me that she was a prostitute-a call girl-but that it was just 'her job.' She hated men, actually, and she told me that she had set a limit for herself of three hundred dollars a week, and whether she earned it in one night or five, she quit and devoted herself to lesbian love for the rest of the week.
"She told me that I was going to have my chance to try acting. She said that she couldn't stand the thought of a man pawing me, or sticking an ugly prick inside me-and especially, beating me. She said that she would do all the earning, and that I would live with her and love her, and that all my time would be my own to try to get a good start in show business.
"It was like a dream come true. All I'd ever wanted, and love, besides.
"We've been together for. two years now. I haven't done great as an actress, but I have had a couple of small parts. Barbara insisted that I go to dramatic classes, and I've been studying for over five months now. I haven't had a man in all the time we've been together. I've had more than enough love from Barb to last me a lifetime. I wouldn't piss on the best man that ever lived-not after knowing the kind of love I have had with her.
"Maybe I'll make it in show business. I hope so. But if I don't, it will still be all worth while, because I discovered what love is all about. I love Barbara and she loves me. I try to blot out of my mind the fact that she has to sleep with men to support us. She's very generous, and she won't hear of me working at all, except around the apartment.
"I don't hate men-even Charlie. But I don't want to be around them. I wonder sometimes what it will be like if I do make it as an actress and have to kiss and hug a man, but then, I guess that would be the real test of how good an actress I really am, wouldn't it?"
NOTE: In checking out some of the details of Penny's story, some interesting information concerning Charlie came to our notice. He had had a series of infections of gonorrhea, and, five years earlier, had discovered that he had been exposed to syphilis in his relations with one of the prostitutes who worked out of his cocktail lounge.
It may or may not be true, but Charlie claims that his reason for hating women hangs on these infections, for the syphilis had made great inroads into his system before he began to take treatments.
Charlie also claims that it was because he knew he was infected with the dread disease, that he did not have intercourse in the normal manner with his niece, Penny. This part of his story sounds like a fabrication, however, for he had been taking treatments for syphilis for many months, and he would have been aware that he could have infected Penny by anal intercourse, or by having her perform fellatio on him, had she had any open sores in her mouth or anus.
As to Penny, she recently wrote that she had transferred her residence to Los Angeles, still in the company of Barbara, and that she was going to try for some roles in television or films. For one who has faced the bitter sacrifices that she has, we firmly believe that, given a chance, Penny will give a fine dramatic performance in any romantic part she may be asked to portray. She has lived far beyond her years, and has gained what we believe to be a deep insight into human nature, both male and female.
She is one of the more fortunate young women who follow the lure of the footlights. We cannot be sorry for her in her lesbian role, for it has brought her true contentment and happiness, and that, in the end, is what all of us are seeking in whatever relationship we might enter.
CHAPTER SIX
The Collector
The following account is true in each detail, but for obvious reasons, we have changed the name and the locale of the case history.
Psychiatrists are constantly amazed at the voracity of the young female. That they are aggressive in sex is unquestionable, but case histories concerning the "young gangs" reveal the startling fact that many of the younger hoodlums who form gangs, and who are given to violence, are masterminded or strongly abetted by young females. The following case history does not involve gang membership, but it does give us an insight into the more demanding, pampered sexpot who takes the whip hand in sexual relations, using her body as a bargaining item, though not always for money, as does the prostitute. There is a new breed of female who has grown up in an era of great personal freedom from authority, and who has been allowed or encouraged to use her femininity for any purpose, the moment that she sprouts curves and pubic hair. She is the insatiable power seeker of her gentler, who, once she has discovered her whips of sex, exercises them without regard for the consequences to herself or to her sex partners.
This, then, is the account of Lori, as she told it to the authorities.
"I had my first real sex-I mean all the way screw when I was twelve. Before that, I had fooled around a lot, letting guys feel me up, play with my pussy and my asshole. I even jerked a couple of guys off, but I never went the whole route of fucking until I met Chet.
"Chet was a man. All the others were boys-just smart-alecks who would have panicked if I had said 'yes' to them when they wanted to screw. But Chet was something else. He was about forty, and he was taking my mother out once in a while. That's how I met him.
"My mother was a swinger, after my father got a divorce. I mean that she tried to make up for all the years she had had to live the quiet, uneventful sex life of a housewife. It was only after the divorce that she began to really date. She spent a lot of money on a real swinging wardrobe and she went the 'young chic' route--mini-styles, boots, expensive wigs and hairstyles-and she wasn't bad when she got going, because she had a shape like a teenager.
"My father had to pay quite a bit of support money for me, and my mother worked as a private secretary to a big shot broker. After about a month from the date the divorce was final, Mom began to date Chet more than anyone else, and I liked him from the beginning. He was a character, always clowning, a big spender, and a damned good-looking man.
"I guess I knew he had one eye on me from the beginning, because he used to sneak a feel and kiss me just about every time he was at the house. And finally, he worked around to asking me to meet him and skip school one day. He had gotten me really aroused, and I was about ripe for some real sex, after all the fumbling and feeling that the guys at school went in for.
"So I met Chet, and we went to his place. I didn't tell him I was a virgin, and I doubt if it would have mattered. All he was worried about was my mother not finding out that he was cheating with her daughter!
"When we got to his place, he fixed himself a double martini, and while he drank it, he was fooling with my titties and running his hand up under my skirt and letting his fingers brush my pussy lips. I could see that he was getting a hard-on, and he was really turning me on to white heat with all his kissing and fingering.
"He broke one long, tongue kiss to say. 'Lori, baby, you're really something. You look and feel good enough to eat! Know what I mean?' I knew all about going down on a girl, because a couple of the guys at school had begged me to let them suck my cunt. They always ended up an argument with the reminder that if I let them suck me off, or if I would suck their cocks, there would be no worries about getting knocked up. But I had never let any of them get into me with their tongue--just their fingers, and I had never sucked a cock, either.
"But I wanted to seem grown-up and sophisticated to Chet, so I brazened it out. I shrugged and smiled at him when he said that and said, half-jokingly, 'Then go ahead and have a feast!'
"He just went wild. He took my blouse and skirt off, then peeled off my panties, and before I could catch my breath from all the tingles he was sending up and down my body, he had me on my back on the big couch and had spread my legs and crawled down between them. He almost dived into my pussy, spreading the lips of it with his fingers, then sticking his tongue in until he found my clit, and putting pressure on it with the movements of his tongue in and out. He dug the fingers of one hand deep inside my pussy, and with the other, he was clawing at my nipple-not hard, but enough to excite me a lot. Inside two minutes, I was bucking and bouncing around, my hands locked behind Chet's head, and when I exploded into orgasm, it was like taking off in a jet. It really made me feel like I was heading straight for heaven. When Chet stopped and sat up and smiled at me, I would have given him anything he wanted. I would have sucked him off, and I expected he would ask me, but he didn't. He stood up and stripped off all his clothes, and his cock was big and stiff and all I could think of was how wonderful it would be to have it inside me all the way-the full length of it.
"Chet grinned down at me, running his hand over my mound. 'Ready, Cherry?' he asked. I just reached up my arms to him and spread my legs wider, and he crawled on top of me, supporting his weight on one hand while he guided his cock into my cunt. I was too excited to feel any pain if there was any, which I don't think there was. I was only aware of his big, beautiful cock filling every tiny part of my cunt, and how thrilling it was to feel it rubbing hard against my clit as it began to slide in and out, while Chet gradually let himself down so his body covered mine and his mouth locked into place with my opened mouth. We were joined completely, it seemed, from head to toe, and when he began to set up a rhythm with his cock, in and out of my cunt, I just naturally fell into it. We bounced and writhed and screwed, digging our tongues into each other's mouth, until the lightning struck! That's about what it felt like when I came that time, and Chet came a second later, shooting a big load of hot, sticky juice up inside my cunt! I wanted to climb the walls, and I just kept on moving my ass up and down, until I got him ready again. Meantime, I had two or three small comes, and by the time we had finished the second fuck, I was almost exhausted with pleasure. I just felt like I wanted to stay there like that, with Chet's cock inside me forever.
"But we didn't want to take any chances, so we got dressed and Chet drove me a block from home and let me out. Before I got out, he kissed me, one hand on my pussy, rubbing it through-my panties, and he asked, 'What do you want, Wonderful? Anything-anything at all!'
"All at once, a vision of a gold purse that I had seen in a store window, flashed into my mind. Almost without thinking, I blurted out, 'The gold purse in The Young Set window!'
"Chet laughed and shook his head. 'Women are all alike,' he said, fishing into his pocket. He came up with a twenty dollar bill and handed it to me. 'You've got it, baby!' he said.
"I got the purse and stashed the rest of the money away, and that was the beginning. I had a lot of dates with Chet-on the sly, of course, and each time he would either bring me a gift of something I said I wanted, or he would give me the money to buy it.
"I felt like a giant! It was a wonderful feeling to know that a man would get you anything you wanted. And besides, it was a heady feeling to know that a grown man-one old enough to be my father-wanted me, and further, that he was willing to give me money or things. I didn't feel like a prostitute, though. I looked upon the things he got me as gifts for what I had given him, not as payment for sex.
"Chet and I really hit it off, and I don't know how it might have ended if he and my mother hadn't had that auto accident. They were both killed in a bad accident, and I found myself alone in the world. My only living relative was my mother's youngest brother, Rudy, who lived in a city about two hundred miles away.
"When it was all over, the court gave custody of me to Rudy and his wife, Marge, and I went to live with them. I liked Rudy-he was a lot like Chet had been-happy-go-lucky, lots of laughs, a good dresser and a handsome man. I didn't know his wife, Marge, because they had only been married a short while and I'd only seen her once or twice when they visited us, but I could see at first glance that she didn't approve of me, my clothes, my makeup or my attitude. If it hadn't have been for Rudy, I'd have run away the first week. Marge wanted to change everything about me, and I got pretty stubborn. I knew that my mother's insurance was provided to pay my way, and I was no 'poor relative' that she could push around, so I just stood up for my rights, and in a way, Rudy did, too. He and Marge were always fighting over one thing or another, and I began to wonder what they ever got married for in the first place.
"When I went to the new school, it was a drag. The kids were square and the boys thin from hunger. Besides, I guess I had gotten used to Chet and his grownup ways of turning me on, so I began to look around for some man that I could get my sex kicks with, and who would treat me like Chet had. I used to get out the things he had given me, and lay them on the bed and look at them. Each different gift reminded me of a different sex session that I had enjoyed, and I often used to masturbate while looking at them.
"I got on fairly well in school, but I had grown so used to having money available when I wanted something, that I felt lost without it. Marge insisted that two bucks a week was plenty for a girl my age, but Rudy used to sneak me a few dollars extra, quite often. Rudy owned a garage, and had six guys working for him. My mother had told me that he had always been crazy about motors and engines and especially cars, ever since he was a little boy, and he had started small and had built a very good business. He wasn't rich, but they lived good and had a real nice home.
"I guess that's where it all started, between me and Rudy-the sharing of the 'secret' that he was giving me extra money. I got into the habit of asking him for a lot of things, especially if Marge wouldn't let me have something. Sometimes, Rudy would just face her and tell her that he was going to let me do something, or get me something, and at other times he would just 'sneak' it. I became very close to Rudy, and I began to look at him as a man, and not as my uncle. He was easy to look at, and I used to masturbate, thinking of Rudy being on top of me, with his tongue deep in my mouth and his prick deep in my cunt. I guess he began to be a challenge to me because I had begun to detest my aunt Marge so much. I grew defiant-and she was quick to point it out to Rudy, right in my presence. She laid the law down that either she was going to be boss in her own home, or else. I knew that it was a declaration of war and that Rudy wouldn't be able to talk her out of her plan to dominate me in every act.
"Rudy calmed her down a little-enough to tell her that he would handle it. He played on her sympathies, telling her that I was still in a semi-daze from my mother's death-and that, after all, my keep was being paid for and I was entitled to at least the same kind of life that other teen-age girls were. But I knew it wouldn't last.
"When she put him on the spot like that, Rudy became sort of cold and distant. Not that I blamed him for trying to get away from Marge's screeching and carping, but it left me high and dry-really alone.
"The lonelier I became, the more determined I was that I was going to have my way with Rudy. It would be a double victory, because I really wanted to find out what he was like in bed. I could tell that he was feeling some of the same thing for me, by his eyes, and the way he subtly changed his contacts with me. I mean that he began to get me alone when she was out to the store, or at some sort of club thing. Marge was a real 'joiner,' all filled with the community spirit of sweetness and light, so she was gone a couple of nights a week.
"Rudy began to kiss me-just 'little girl' kisses at first, but I changed that quickly. When he kissed me, I opened my mouth and sucked his tongue in, and that got to him fast. He couldn't help but put his hand on my breast, then pull my body in close so that my pussy was rubbing against his cock-and I could feel it getting hard right away. We kept it at that for a few days, and I even stopped mouthing off to Marge, so she wouldn't suspect anything, but both Rudy and I knew that soon, we had to have each other.
"Marge wouldn't let me have dates, even at the house, saying I was too young, and wouldn't know what to do if a boy began to 'take liberties,' as she put it. What a laugh that was! But I pretended to change my ways, to lull her suspicions, and pretty soon, she began to lay off me and stopped nagging Rudy to 'do something about that little sexpot.'
"One night when she was at some sort of a meeting, and she thought that Rudy was working late at the place, she gave us our chance. We had arranged it in advance, and Rudy even had it set up at work for one of the men to tell Marge if she called, that Rudy had to scrounge around for a special part for a car.
"We could hardly wait to get at each other. Rudy just swept me into his arms as if we had been lovers for years, and he began to take off my clothes, kissing me on the breasts, the arms and neck, and finally, on the pussy and thighs! I was white hot by the time he got his clothes off, and I couldn't keep my hands off him. I wanted to play with his stiff cock, and do everything he wanted to make him happy. I hoped that he would want me to do things for him that he couldn't get Marge to do, because I was sure that she must be a cold-assed tomato in the hay. I wanted Rudy to think of me as a woman, and not just his sister's daughter-and to treat me that way.
"He didn't waste any time. Once he was naked and I began to play with his cock and balls, he pulled my head in close and I opened my mouth as he guided his big cock into it. I played my tongue around the rim of it, tickling his pee-hole with the tip. Then I began to nibble on the head of it and it gave me a big kick to hear him moan and gasp while I began to suck and nibble on his cock. He couldn't take it for long, because he pushed me back on the couch and gasped, 'We'll have time for all that later. I've got to fuck you. I've got to-now!'
"I wanted it as bad as he did, so I spread my legs and held the lips of my cunt open, while he took his place between my legs and steered the head of his prick into my wide-open pussy! The second I felt it inside me, I almost came, I was that eager. But I held off until he had eased down onto me and was shoving it in deep. He was covering my face and mouth with wet, licking kissed, and his prick was racing faster and faster, in and out, touching every spot inside me that gave me thrills. He was riding my body high, so that he rubbed my clit with every stroke. After a couple of moments, our bodies almost seemed to run themselves, interlocking perfectly so that we gave the thrill to each other at the same moment. Rudy was making groaning noises and calling me 'my baby, my sweet one,' and then we both exploded in a glorious orgasm! We couldn't have slowed the fast rhythm of our come if we had wanted to, which we didn't. We just kept on, kissing, touching, loving, moving our genital organs in rhythm, until we had come a second time.
"Rudy crawled off me and stood there with his cock all shiny and slimy with his come and my juices, but he looked worried. 'Do you know how to take care of yourself, Lori?' he asked. I laughed, he looked so terribly scared. I told him not to worry about it, but I know he did while I went into the bathroom and washed out my cunt. We got dressed then and he kissed me and thanked me, and he went back to the shop.
"It was hard for the next few days to look Marge in the eye without laughing in her face. I almost wished that she would catch us, so I could enjoy seeing her come apart at the seams, knowing that I had taken her husband from her. But we managed to control ourselves, and not give away our secret by even a look. Rudy managed to get me some of the birth-control pills and I began taking them. He was awfully concerned that I might get pregnant, and he told me that it had been so wonderful for him that he wouldn't let anything ever stop our lovemaking.
"I felt happy, but I still couldn't get rid of that feeling that I wanted to show Marge up. I wanted something that would remind me always that Rudy was my lover, not hers.
"Then I saw that lovely gold ankle slave bracelet in the jeweler's window, and I told Rudy I had to have it. I told him I wanted it engraved with his initials and mine, so that I would always have a reminder of our love, day and night. Rudy was afraid that Marge would want to see it, and would spot the initials and know about us, but I told him that nobody but he and I would ever know about it, so he got it for me, engraving and all, about a week later.
"I thought it would satisfy me, but it didn't. I mean that I loved the slave bracelet, but something inside me was creaming to use it to lord it over Marge. She had laid off me a lot, but I could see by her eyes that she was suspicious, and she hardly tried to cover up the fact that she hated me and wanted to get rid of me. She didn't argue with Rudy anymore about it, but a few times, I could hear her voice rising into a shrill screech, and I knew that I had to be part of the argument.
"I used to lie in bed, my fingernails digging into the palms of my hand, wanting to strut into their bedroom, naked, to show her who was boss of Rudy-in bed and out, and I wanted to show her the ankle bracelet to prove it to her. But I didn't. I liked our good times together too well, and so did Rudy, so I cooled it.
"Then she pulled the oldest trick in the book on us. Marge said she had to attend a club meeting of some sort, and both Rudy and I were so eager to take advantage of her absence that we didn't think anything of it. We never suspected that she would sneak back to the house. Rudy told her that he would work late that night, and everybody agreed that we could keep busy and use the free time. I said I wanted to press some of my clothes, and I even set up the ironing board and iron before Marge left.
"Rudy left for the shop right after we had dinner, and in about fifteen minutes, Marge was all dressed and ready to go. She stopped at the door and stared at me. I had changed into a robe, and it hung open a little so she could see part of my breast and some of my pubic hair around my cunt. I let her look, hoping it made her envious of my body. She glowered at me for a second or two, then she left. She didn't even say good-bye, but I could tell that there was something bothering her by the cloud on her face and the sparks in her eyes.
"I didn't care. In a few moments, I could be with Rudy, making wild love. Just to make it look like I had done something, I pressed a couple of my dresses and put them on hangers. It helped pass the time, and it would convince Marge when she came home that I really had been busy. I'd be busy, all right, I giggled to myself as I unplugged the iron-but with her husband, and not some silly old ironing!
"Rudy came home as we'd planned, about twenty minutes after Marge had left. It had been over a week since we'd had any sex, and we were both aching for some fucking and sucking. He came in and kissed me, holding my robe open so he could see all of me. He went into his room and stripped, and in a couple of minutes, he came out. We started for my bedroom, but I had a strange idea. I wondered if it wouldn't be even more fun to do it right in Marge's bed! Fuck her husband right on the same pillows and bed clothing and bed that she thought was reserved for her only!
"I told Rudy how I felt and he just looked at me and laughed. 'You're something else,' he said, as he took my hand and led me back into his and Marge's room. When I crawled onto the bed, it made me feel I had won another round in the battle for Rudy. I could hardly wait for him to put his prick into me, so I could watch us in the full length mirror that was hung on the wall near the bed. I had been hoping for that for a long time, and now, it was going to happen.
"Rudy crawled on the bed beside me and put his hand on my breast. Both of us were facing the mirror, looking at each other in it, smiling and enjoying it immensely. I reached behind me and began to play with Rudy's prick. It didn't take much playing to get it hard and erect, and I spread myself on the bed so that I could still look into the mirror, and spread my legs wide.
"'Fuck me, honey,' I told Rudy. 'Really give it to me tonight. Fuck me rough-make me squeal, daddy.' He pinched one nipple and grinned, 'You're a devil, Lori. I'm going to make you holler "uncle"!'
"We giggled at the joke and then he crawled on me and began to shove his cock into me. Both of us were looking in the direction of the mirror at first, getting a real kick out of it, as if we were two different people, standing aside and watching the horny couple on the bed, going to town.
"We were speeding up, ready to explode, when both of us saw her in the mirror! Marge was standing there, her eyes black with hate! I just wanted to keep on going, and let her suffer some real torment, watching Rudy make me come-and in her own bed! But Rudy panicked. He almost jumped off me and rolled to the edge of the bed and stood up facing his maddened wife. He began to splutter some silly explanation, but Marge didn't wait. She disappeared, and appeared a moment or so later, the iron in her hand! The cord was dangling, and she was raising the steam iron to use as a weapon-on me! She headed for the bed where I lay propped up on one elbow, stark naked. She was so enraged that she ignored Rudy. I almost choked on my heart, realizing that she really meant to brain me, and I screamed, 'Rudy-stop her!'
"Rudy had stood as if he were in a daze, but my scream of terror snapped him back to reality. He leaped on Marge, trying to get the iron away from her. She was a lot gutsier than I'd ever thought she could be, for she battled him toe to toe, kicking and scratching with her free hand, now trying to get in a blow with the iron at Rudy's head!
"She landed a kick near Rudy's balls, and he reacted by lashing out with his fist. He caught her right on the temple, and she started to fall. Rudy grabbed the iron from her. Now his eyes were wild with rage, and as she fell to the floor, half-stunned, Rudy swung the iron up and down, again and again, hitting Marge in the head and face until she wasn't moving or making a sound! She was dead! Rudy had killed her!
"For what seemed to be an hour, we just froze as we were, staring at her body. Rudy still had the bloodstained iron, and I began to retch as I looked down at what had been Marge's face!
"The next thing I knew, Rudy was slapping my face to snap me out of the trance I'd fallen into. He was saying, 'Come on, Lori-we've got to fix this! We've got to clear ourselves!'
"I got hold of myself, and listened as Rudy spelled out his plan to cover up the killing. He told me to go to the movies, and to wait until I had seen the complete double-feature-and to pay close attention so I could tell anyone who asked, all about both pictures. He said he would return to work, after leaving his canvas bank deposit bag near Marge's body. Then he would pretend to get a call from her, saying she thought somebody was prowling around the house and that she was afraid, and wanted him to come home.
"It worked out exactly that way, I learned later. Rudy made sure that no one at work was close enough to hear whether the phone rang or not, then he called to one of his employees, Red Billings, and told him that he might have to close up and go home. Rudy had the receiver in his hand, and he spoke into it, saying, 'Look, honey, you're probably just jumpy. I'll be home as soon as I can-maybe in an hour or so-' He turned to Red and asked, 'You be finished by then, Red?' Red nodded," and Rudy explained that she had called to say she thought a prowler was outside, and she was worried because Lori was at the movies, and she was there alone. Rudy also acted worried for Red's benefit, and he told him that maybe he should try to get home as early as he could, because he had three day's cash receipts at home, waiting to be banked in the morning.
"Rudy hung up after telling the dead phone that he would be home soon, and I stayed at the movies until I had seen the whole thing. I didn't know what to expect, when I got to the house. There were several police cars there, and an ambulance, and a uniformed policeman at the front door took me inside. He took me to a man in a regular business suit-a detective lieutenant, and the lieutenant told me that my aunt Marge had been killed, and that I shouldn't panic, but just relax and answer some questions later. I had a chance to get a quick glance at Rudy, and I could see that he felt confident that his plan was working out.
"After a long time, they took her body away, and they questioned Rudy and me, but not together where we could hear what the other one was saying. I was nervous, but that even made it seem more natural, I thought, and I answered all their questions about what movies I'd seen, and I even had my ticket stub to add proof that I'd been there.
"Finally, they asked Rudy to come down to headquarters and add more to his statement. He acted glad to do it, because he wanted them to hear Red's version of what had happened at the shop-the phone call from Marge, and all. I was a little scared when they said that I shouldn't stay in the house alone, and that they were only taking me into protective custody.
"They treated me nice enough, but one detective kept on questioning me about how my aunt and uncle got along, how I liked her, how I liked him, how each of them treated me-all that sort of thing.
"I didn't pretend that I was crazy about Marge, but I told them that we got along pretty well most of the time. The more they questioned me about my feelings toward my uncle Rudy, the more nervous I got about what he must be going through. I asked them if I could rest, and they said I could after a few more questions. That turned out to be almost all night, but a lawyer that Rudy had called showed up, and he insisted that they either charge and book us both, or let us go home or to a hotel and rest.
"They charged Rudy with suspicion of murder, and they held me on some sort of 'aiding and abetting' charge. They did let me shower and change into other clothes, and they fed me, but they kept on questioning me. They took all my clothes-and my slave bracelet, and the next day, a lot of detectives came into the room where I was and one began to talk. He wasn't polite, now-just stern. He said that bloodspecks that matched Marge's blood, had been found on my slave bracelet. This meant, they pointed out, that I must have been in the room when Marge was killed!
"I began to get scared, and then they questioned me about the initials on the bracelet, over and over again. I got so tired and confused that I finally broke down and admitted that uncle Rudy had given me the bracelet, but I said it had been as a 'welcome' gift, and that Marge had picked it out.
"That was all they needed, I guess, because they told Rudy that I had confessed-which was not true-and he finally broke down and admitted the whole thing. His attorney was there when he did, and when they took Rudy and me to trial, his lawyer pleaded that Rudy was acting in self-defense and in defense of my life. Luckily for Rudy, the jury believed our stories-we both told the straight truth when we took the witness stand-and they convicted him of second degree murder, and me with being an accessory before and after the act of murder.
"Rudy was sentenced to from five to ten years and I was sent to this reform school. They call it a rehabilitation center, but it's a jail, any way you look at it. I also have to take psychiatric treatments, but that's no sweat. I'm normal enough, except for wanting more sex than most young girls, I guess.
"That's about it. I'll be here until I'm eighteen, and then I'll be out and on my own. I don't know if I'll see Rudy again or not, but if I don't, there will always be men like him around, that will give me gifts and take care of me. One thing, though-I'll guarantee you that I won't have anything to do with a guy who is married. It's too risky and too complicated, trying to duck around and keep a secret like that. Besides, I think I can make it on my own-as a woman. I'm young, I've got a nice body, and I'm pretty. Maybe I'll just take a job and meet some nice guy and get married. I just don't know, because I don't think that just one man would be enough for me. At least, I've learned that much from the headshrinkers.
"I'm sorry that Marge is dead and that Rudy is in prison, but I can't let that spoil my chances in life. I've got a lot of years ahead, and I'm lucky that I live in a time when the young people are doing what they want, at last, with few restrictions as long as no laws are broken-and I promise that I won't break any-unless they make laws against screwing."
CONCLUSION
Incest is as old as man's recorded "history. It is a man-made attitude that was often relaxed for reasons of survival, while at other times, it incurred the death penalty if it were discovered.
There is one school of thought which believes tenaciously that incest began with Cain. If the Biblical account is accepted, as it is by the Judeo-Christian world, there is strong evidence that these believers are correct in their deductions, for the Bible tells us that after Cain slew his brother, Abel, he was branded with a dark skin and curly hair, and banished into the land of Nod. There is no mention of any further miraculous creations of a female mate for him, thus, it is inferred by some students that Cain either mated with his sisters, or else he cohabited with some of the beasts which God had created.
A few even pursue this latter theory further, stating that this proves that the Darwinian theory-that man is descended from animals-is true. They offer as arguments the thought that, if Cain had mated with one of the higher primates, such as the gorilla or orangutan, his offspring might well be the beginning of a race of sub-humans, which eventually spawned man as we now know him. Be that as it may, incest has shown up in the histories of most peoples. In the Bible, we find several references to it. Lot whored with his daughters after the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah; Absolom, favorite son of David, had intercourse with his sister, Tamar. These were not condoned, however, but at other times, the wandering Nomads of the old testament were faced with the problem of survival in arid, alien lands. During such times, they were instructed by the elders to take into their homes the wives, nieces, mothers and daughters of their dead brother, and to have intercourse with them.
We find throughout history, cases of polygamy, and in almost all instances, it was inevitable that men would marry or cohabit with nieces and close cousins. Women have always outnumbered men in the population figures, it seems, and this often meant that single females had to be "serviced" sexually by close relatives.
That incest will eventually cause the deterioration or death of a group or tribe has been pretty well disproved by many cases; most notorious being Fletcher Christian and the men of the ship Bounty, who eventually populated Pitcairn Island with what must have been an incestuous breed of hardy, beautiful people.
Even more proof was offered when an Englishman named Harrison grew disgusted with the confinement of British life and mores, and went to a South Seas isle, where he took a bride and her sister and retreated to an even more remote island, to live in peaceful isolation and sexual freedom.
From these two women, there sprang over sixty children, and they must have intermarried-at least half-brothers married half-sisters. This continued on for many years, all of the island's population springing from one common ancestor, and only two female ancestors, until the island had a population of over five thousand! During a particularly hard time of near-starvation, Harrison appealed to the British authorities for help. It was given, and it ultimately launched a thorough and well-documented study into the health, mentality and social patterns of the inhabitants of the island. They were found to be free from disease of all kinds, healthy, happy, and without neuroses, doubtless because they had never lived under the inhibiting, guilt-creating puritanical rules that had governed American and British sex patterns for centuries.
Undeniably, incestuous relations had to have been engaged in to create such a large populace.
Moreover, studies of the persons involved threw a giant monkey wrench into the theory that close inbreeding causes immorality, feeblemindedness and a weak breed of humans.
Animal husbandry has further refuted these beliefs, for many of the champion products of in-breeding have gone on to win show prizes, and to bring high prices on the market for their superior qualities which other breeders wish to integrate into their own stock bloodlines.
That incest has had a part in American history is also undeniable. If we study the decades of frontier penetration, we cannot but see that when families settled a community, their relatives tended to flock to surround them. In such instances, the marriage of close cousins-even of half-sisters and brothers, was inevitable.
A study of social patterns shows clearly that the taboos placed on incest were not morally inspired, nor were they, in many instances, based on religious tenets. They were based on the common sense fact that, where incest occurs within a tribe or a family, it disrupts the unity of that group. Man, in his constant quest for new horizons to conquer, has always taken his "woman"-either from his own home grounds, or from the ranks of alien people he has encountered in his journeys. His life was at best, a lonely trek, and it followed that if incest were to be permitted, jealousies and quarrels would eventually tear the tribe asunder. This they could not afford.
They depended too much on the solidarity of purpose and the joining of physical forces against the elements and against other humans who were their enemies.
Internecine wars destroyed many empires, a classic example being the incest and devious sex patterns of the ruling Italian house of Medici.
In modern America, however, incest is not based on any of these reasons. Incest, in almost all cases, is based on pure lust and need. That it is covered up is beyond question, much like a huge iceberg which only reveals to the sight one-fifth of its actual size.
There is far more incest taking place in America today than is realized, yet it is a difficult subject to research because it is still cleverly hidden by close family members of the guilty parties.
Brother-sister incest is considered by many experts to be a natural happening, which just as naturally fades out as the brother and sister grow and take their place in a world outside their own home. Yet, in dealing with sex aberrations through case histories and personal interviews, it is astonishing how many brother-sister incestuous relationships do exist. A minority of sociologists and psychiatrists hold that this is the most common form, with father-daughter incest running a close second.
In modern, urban America, this may be true, because the first sexual contacts do take place within the home-not within the family as a tribe; thus, the early sex experimentation often occurs between brother and sister.
However, there is another school, to which this writer subscribes, which holds that the commonest form of incest is that between uncle and niece. There are many reasons why this is true. For instance, in rural areas, the brothers and sisters tend to be clannish. Much of their leisure time is spent with one another's families, and a close, trusting association usually builds between uncles and nieces. When the uncle takes the girl on his lap and fondles her, it is accepted as a part of "family affection." That he often caresses her sexually, fondling her genitals, and later, feeling her breasts, is overlooked, if done openly, though it often takes place in secret.
This closeness and caressing build a confidence in a young girl that often lasts through puberty, so that when an uncle does attempt full intercourse, she accepts it as she has accepted his caresses all her life.
Sometimes, the girl is frightened-too frightened to tell her parents. This is often a natural reaction, if she has been educated by her parents to think that sex is dirty or sinful, for she fears that she will be punished for her part in the sex play. At other times, the girl may fear her uncle. He may have threatened dire things if she "tattles."
At any rate, in most instances, the climate is very portentous for sexual relations to develop between an uncle and the daughter of a sister or brother.
Add to this the new sexual attitudes of American adults and youngsters. Promiscuity is almost encouraged by doting parents who abrogate their role as parents and counselors, and allow girls of as young as eleven to use heavy makeup and wear clothes which make them appear to be sixteen or so. They permit dating at a very early age, long before a girl is mature enough to make sex decisions.
When an uncle sees this promiscuity, he frequently counts on his close relationship with the child to lead him to an easy conquest.
The motives for uncle-niece incest are as varied as the faces of the participants. Psychiatrists have discovered that "vengeance" can even be the motive, when a brother holds a fancied or real grudge against his sister or brother, and takes his spite out by molesting a female child of theirs. A few cases have been investigated where the male has made sexual advances to his sister-in-law or even his own adult sister, and, having been repulsed, he seeks out the juvenile daughter and satisfies his lusts on her, while at the same time, he is "getting even" with his in-law or relative.
However, it is little recognized that many such unwholesome relationships are instigated and continued by the girl. She may feel so repressed sexually that she will start an affair with an uncle, simply because she feels that she can get away with it easier-that they will not be suspected. Or she may have built a natural love for an uncle over the years which, when she reaches puberty, and begins to think in sexual terms, becomes a sexual love.
Whatever the motives, incest is still a growing problem in social and family affairs. It is still a launching pad for later promiscuous sex activities, and it is still creating guilt feelings in not only the persons who engage in such acts, but in the emotions of the immediate family involved.
The case histories you have read represent sex aberrations from the viewpoints of those who engaged in them. They were taken from case files of psychiatrists and social workers, and from personal interviews. We have changed the names, but not the events. We have edited the accounts only in the interest of eliminating redundancies. These are true stories as they come from the lips of the girls and men involved.
They are offered simply to throw more light on the so-called sex revolution that is taking place, to allow us to see the reasons behind such acts, as seen through the eyes of the participants. We trust that we have achieved our goal of enlightenment in this book.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Ellis, Havelock. Psychology of Sex. New York City: Emerson Books.
Guttmacher, Manfred S. Sex Offenses: The Problems, Causes, and Prevention. New York City: W. W. Norton, 1951.
Krafft-Ebing, R. von. Psychopathia Sexualis. New York City: Stein and Day.
Masters, R. E. L. Sex-Driven People. Los Angeles, California: Sherbourne Press, 1966.
Stekel, Wilhelm. Sexual Aberrations. New York City: Liveright, 1930.
Ullerstam, Lars. The Erotic Minorities. New York City: Grove Press.
