For this volume, I've selected five case histories which illustrate the association of pain and bondage with the sexual act.
For the most part, I have allowed these five young girls and women to speak for themselves. In some cases, they tell a bizarre tale of the process by which they came to find pain pleasurable. In others, they describe how bondage was inflicted upon them by others and tell the consequences this had for them.
All of these case histories illustrate the divergent forms that sexuality can assume. I have gathered them in this volume in an attempt to shed light on these aspects of human sexuality.
While it is true that some may find much of this volume repugnant, my professional opinion is that whatever gives pleasure to another human being should not be repressed by society. In the words of today's youth, "Whatever turns you on is okay."
And although it's true that tastes vary in this respect, I don't think any one of us should denigrate the preferences of another. If an area of sexuality does not arouse one's interest, one is free not to delve into it.
Some of these histories, however, illustrate the fact that people don't often know what they will find sexually exciting until they actually try it. I think that adventurousness in the area of sexuality should be encouraged since a full and satisfying sex life is absolutely fundamental for individual happiness and self-fulfillment.
I must caution the reader as well that the women he will meet in this book are far from what might be described as the "ordinary American housewife." This volume is definitely not for the squeamish.
CASE HISTORY ONE
SUBJECT: Muffy R. AGE: Sixteen
INTERVIEW ONE
Muffy R. came from an affluent family which lived in Scarsdale, New York. It's a city of manicured lawns and carefully tended gardens.
Although the school system is excellent, many residents choose to send their children away to boarding schools throughout the East Coast. Muffy R. was one of those girls.
She attended an exclusive school in New Hampshire. She was a pretty girl of sixteen when I first saw her during Christmas recess. She was wearing a plaid pleated skirt, a cashmere sweater over a silk blouse and bobby socks with Baswejun loafers.
Her figure was just beginning to ripen into full womanhood, and her still-growing breasts made a pleasing mound under the soft camel colored sweater she was wearing when she first came to my office. She wore her auburn hair in braids that hung over her shoulders and ended where her breasts began to rise.
Muffy R. was clearly distraught as she entered my office that day. I could tell she had been crying by the puffiness of her eyes. This is what she told me during that first session.
Oh, Doctor, I'm so upset that I just don't know what to do!
I know that you're busy, and I'm really grateful you gave me such a quick appointment. Of course, Mother's just dying to know why I wanted to see you, but I don't dare say anything about it to her.
It's just too humiliating!
I know that there must be something I can do, but for the life of me, I don't know what it is. I do know that I can't go on like this. I've done nothing except cry for three days now.
God! I must look a sight!
Anyway, it all started three days ago.
Now I don't know how I can even tell you about it. I'm just so embarrassed! I feel like I want to just DIE!
But I've got to talk to someone or I'll go out of my mind. I swear, Doctor, I'll literally lose my mind if I can't get this straightened out.
I had called Missy earlier that day. It was a Friday and we had come home from school last Wednesday for Christmas vacation. She's my best friend at school and lives not too far from us. I hadn't seen her since we got home from school, and we were planning to spend the night together. I was going to sleep over at her house.
Mother drove me over to her house at four like we'd planned. But Missy wasn't home. I was a little hurt because Missy and I never go for more than a whole day without seeing each other, and I thought she'd be anxious to see me.
Her father opened the door to let me in. I was surprised to see him there so early in the afternoon. He's a stock broker or something, and I know he usually doesn't get home until after seven at night.
He told me that Missy had to go someplace with her mother and would be back in about an hour. Then he told me to leave my things in the foyer and come into the living room. He said he wanted to talk to me about something.
I didn't have the vaguest idea of what he wanted. The only thing I could think of was that it must be something about school. But Missy's really a good student, and if there were any kind of a problem, I'm sure she'd tell me about it.
And the house was so quiet that it made me nervous. Usually the housekeeper is doing something or other around the place, but she must have been out or on a day off that afternoon.
Missy's father was still in his business suit. It always gets me the way they all dress the same. He was wearing a three-piece, dark blue pinstripe suit with a gray tie and a white shirt. Just like any other stock broker in New York.
I went over and sat on the velvet sofa while he went to the bar to make himself a drink. There's a matching sofa across from the one I was sitting on, and he sat on that one and put his drink down on the cocktail table after he took a sip of it.
"How are things going at school?" he asked me after a long pause.
I told him everything was fine and that Missy and I really loved the place. I do miss being at home a little, but I like the place so much that I'd die if I had to leave.
Anyway, then he started asking me questions about it. He asked me how I liked the teachers and how I liked the activities. That kind of stuff. Of course, I said it was all super.
Then there was a pause and he took a long swallow of his drink.
"Well, I don't know," he said at last, pausing to weigh his words. "I've been hearing rumors, and I've started to wonder if that's really the best place for Melissa."
I was in a panic when I heard that!
Missy was my best friend, and I was praying that he wouldn't make her change schools or something. I just couldn't bear the thought of not seeing her every day. Next year, we even plan to be roommates.
"What kind of rumors?" I asked him.
I couldn't imagine that anyone had said anything bad about the school. It's one of the most exclusive girls' schools in the east, and all the girls get into the best colleges. Smith, Vassar, Radcliffe ... places like that. There's just nothing bad anyone could say about the place.
"I've been hearing stories about the girls and the headmistress," he said.
I was really confused. Miss Havisham is pretty strict, of course, but I'd never heard about her doing anything physical with the girls. If someone really does something bad, she just calls their parents and the girl is gone the next day.
At that time, I didn't understand what he was talking about.
"What kind of stories?" I asked him. "Miss Havisham would never mistreat a girl," I told him.
"That's not what I mean," he said.
"Then whatever can it be?" I asked.
"I've been hearing that she seduces the girls ... makes them sleep with her," he said.
I let out a gasp when I heard that.
Sure, we always made jokes about Miss Havisham being a little dykey, but no one took it seriously. And even if she did do things like that, I'm sure that she didn't do it with any of the girls. There are a few other teachers that I'm sure are that way, and it wouldn't surprise me to find out that she does it with them if she is that way.
"I don't believe it!" I told him.
"You mean you've never heard of that sort of thing happening there?" he asked me.
"Well, I know it happens once in a while, but I've never heard anything about Miss Havisham," I said.
The only things I've really heard about have been things between other girls at the school. But even that doesn't go on very often. Miss Havisham has a strict rule about expelling anyone who gets caught even trying to do things like that.
I didn't want to say anything to him, but Missy and I fool around with each other once in a while, but we almost never do it at school. It's just too dangerous there.
I'd be mortified if I got kicked out for that!
God! My parents would find out and everything. I know I'd just DIE!
So I told Missy's father about how strict Miss Havisham was about that. "If she expels the girls who get caught, she certainly wouldn't be doing it herself, would she?" I asked.
"You can never tell about that sort of thing," he said.
Then I noticed the way he was looking at me. There was a glazed look in his eyes and a real intense expression on his face. It made me feel like he was undressing' me with his eyes. I didn't like it at all!
And I felt really funny sitting there talking about such things with my best friend's father. I wished that there was some way I could get out of there or something. I thought I'd be more comfortable waiting for Missy in her room or in the kitchen. I could tell that I was getting all red with the embarrassment that I was feeling. But I couldn't think of any excuse to make. After all, I didn't want to offend the man.
I couldn't think of anything to say, so we just sat there for a long, awkward moment.
"Do you ever do that sort of thing, Muffy?" he asked at last.
I could feel myself getting redder and redder. I wanted to just vanish into the sofa I was sitting on.
"Oh, no . ... I'd never do anything like that," I said in as convincing a tone as I could manage.
Telling a he like that made me even more embarrassed than I already was. I don't like to tell lies, and it's always real obvious when I do. I mean, I blush all over.
And I couldn't imagine why he was asking me questions like that. I felt a wave of terror that he might have found out something about me and Missy. Maybe he'd heard us some night that I was sleeping at their house or something.
Then the thought struck me that maybe Missy had said something to her father. That really scared me, but the more I thought about it, the more I didn't think it was possible. Missy and I had made a pact not to tell anyone about the things we did, and I was sure she wouldn't break it.
"I can see that talking about this embarrasses you, doesn't it, Muffy?" he asked.
"Oh, yes," I said. "I don't like this conversation at all."
"Is that because you've got something to hide?"
"Oh, no, it's nothing like that."
"I think it is, and I think you'd better tell me about it," he said.
He was looking at me real hard. Now I started to feel scared. I didn't know what he might know, but I was determined not to tell him anything.
"I think I want to go home," I said.
"No, you're going to sit right there until you tell me all about it," he said.
I didn't know what I was going to do. I had been so looking forward to sleeping with Missy that night, and what her father'd said made that impossible. I wanted to tell her about what he'd said, but I knew that it would be impossible for us to do anything. I just couldn't face it after what had already happened.
I hardly knew it when I started, but I was crying. I felt a wet tear run down the side of my face, and I needed to blow my nose.
"There's no need for tears, Muffy," he said. "Wait there a moment and I'll get you a kleenex."
Well, Doctor, I was so stupid!
I should have rim out of the house right then and there. But I didn't. I waited until he came back with a kleenex. I was sobbing so hard by that time that my mind was completely blank, I guess.
I didn't even see the things he was carrying in his other hand when he gave me the kleenex. I just took it and blew my nose. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't bring myself to look at him.
All at once, I felt myself being pulled up out of the sofa. My eyes were full of tears so I couldn't really see what was going on.
Before I knew it, Missy's father had a rope around my neck and was tying my hands with the ends of it. It was looped tightly around my neck and it hurt as he tied my hands. It was one of those thin ropes, the kind people use for clotheslines and things like that.
"What are you doing?" I yelled through my sobs when I realized what was happening to me.
"I'm going to teach you about the real thing," he said.
"Oh, no! Please don't!" I wailed.
Then he took the handkerchief out of his suit coat pocket and tied it around my face so that it gagged me. By this time, I had a pretty good idea of what he was planning, and I was terrified. The thought of Missy's father doing such a thing to me was just too much.
As soon as the gag was in place, he ran his big hands all over my body. I could feel myself shivering with fright.
Then he unbuttoned my blouse. I felt his hand tremble as he undid each button. When he had it completely open in the front, he unhooked my bra and threw it on the floor. He cupped my breasts in his hands and rolled them around. Since he had gone this far, I knew he wasn't going to stop. And he didn't!
Missy's father unfastened my skirt and let it fall to the ground. After that, he pulled my panties down to my ankles, took off my 'wejuns and socks and slipped the panties off me. I was standing there naked except for the blouse that hung loosely from my shoulders. There were goose bumps all over me and I felt cold.
I couldn't believe what was happening to me. It was just too ghastly!
As I stood there, he ran his hands up and down my thigh and reached up to my breasts. All I could do was stand there in horror and watch him.
After a few minutes, he stood up and pushed me to the couch. He reached in his pocket and took out a clothespin. My eyes were wide with fright! I couldn't imagine what he was going to do with the thing. He opened it wide and clamped the thing to my nipple. Then he did the same thing to the other nipple.
My nipples are kind of small, and the clothespin biting into the flesh hurt at first.
Then it started to feel good.
That was the biggest shock of all!
I was really frightened then. It was bad enough that my best friend's father was going to rape me, but the fact that I was getting some pleasure out of what he was doing was even worse. I thought that I must be some kind of a pervert or something.
Missy's father reached his fingers to the clothespins and pulled them. That made the nipples hurt even more, but it was feeling better and better. I can't really explain that, Doctor, and I don't really understand it myself. I thought I should be dying with the embarrassment of it all, but I wasn't.
He swirled the clothespins around and my nipples moved with them. By that time, I could feel the nipples getting erect. I wanted to stop them somehow, but there was nothing I could do about it.
I was hoping he wouldn't notice. But as soon as he stopped rotating the clothespins, he ran his fingertips back and forth over the very tops of my nipples.
"You like what I'm doing, don't you, slut?" he snarled at me.
I didn't say a word. The gag he had placed in my mouth prevented me from saying much, but I didn't even try to nod. Then he slapped me.
"You like that, don't you, bitch?" he yelled.
I thought I had better nod my head so he wouldn't slap me again, so I did.
Then he stepped back from the couch and looked at me. He didn't say anything, he just let his eyes wander all over my body. As he stood there in his three-piece suit, he unzipped his fly and took out his penis.
My eyes went wide when I saw it. The thing was huge and fat. And it was hard.
Now I've seen pictures in books and things, and I've even touched a couple when I've been on dates, but I'd never seen anything like that before. I couldn't imagine how the thing was ever going to fit in my vagina. I was afraid it would rip me apart if he tried to do that. Most of the time, I feel filled up by a tampon, and the times that Missy had put two of her small fingers up me had seemed to stretch me.
He walked over to me and reached down to the clothespins that were holding my nipoles. He tweaked the ends of my nipples and pulled at the pins again. It was beginning to feel better and better the more he did it.
I felt a twinge in my crotch and I could feel the juices oozing in my cunt. That was really a shock. I was afraid he'd really hurt me if he stuck that hard prick into me, but I was getting more and more aroused.
Missy's father pulled me up by my shoulders and hugged me tight to him. His cock pressed hard against my tummy. I had a strange urge to reach down and touch it then, but my hands were tied behind me. I'm glad that I didn't because I was getting more embarrassed about the way I was feeling than about what was happening. I just knew that it couldn't be right to be feeling pleasure at what was happening to me. And, more than anything else, I didn't want him to know that I liked it. It was true that I had nodded after he slapped me, but there was no way from that gesture that he could guess how excited I was by this time.
He turned me around and pushed me to the middle of the living room. Then he gave me a shove downward, and I went to my knees. I sat down on the carpeting wondering what I was supposed to do. The only thing I could think of was to lay flat on my back, so I did.
He looked at me for a minute, then he took off his suit coat, vest and shirt and laid them on the sofa. Then he kicked off his shoes and pulled his pants and shorts off.
When he came back to me, I saw all of him. That long thick cock jutting out from the curly black pubic hairs and the big sack of wrinkled skin underneath them. His chest was real hairy, and I kind of liked that. For an older man, Missy's father really is pretty handsome.
He parted my legs with his foot and knelt in front of me.
Now my fears about what that enormous cock might do to me came back. But at the same time, I was kind of interested in it. I had liked looking at it.
He reached up to my tits and took off the clothespins. He pinched them hard and ran the tips of his fingers over them. I knew he could tell they were erect by the way he was feeling them. And what he was doing was sending a wave of pleasure through my tits. I could feel my pussy getting wetter and wetter.
When he finished with my tits, he moved his hands down to my pussy. He parted the lips and poked his index finger in. When he felt how wet and warm it was, he swirled his finger around. He moved it to the top of my slit and pressed against my clit. That really sent a jolt of excitement through me.
"Just like a bitch in heat," he mumbles. "All juiced up to take a big, hard cock ... And loving every minute of it."
That really embarrassed me. There was nothing I could do to hide how good I was feeling from him. I knew that I should be in agony, but I wasn't. I should have been consumed by humiliation, but all I felt was pleasure. I couldn't believe it, and I felt so ashamed that I could have died.
He pushed my legs further apart and lowered himself over me. He put one hand on his cock and centered in at the entrance to my cunt.
I was still afraid of what that big thing was going to do to me, but I felt a growing need for something to be inside of me. He rested himself on his forearms as he lay above me and slowly let his hips sink down.
As soon as he had the head of it in, I got even more afraid. It felt like it was splitting me apart. I could feel the walls of my cunt stretched tight to make room for it.
But he kept going. He let his hips drop inch by inch, and my cunt was forced to take more and more of that out-sized organ. Finally, he had the whole thing inside me. I felt it stretching me, but it didn't hurt nearly as much as I had thought it would.
Then he raised himself and made a thrust into me. I felt the head of his cock lodge at the back of my cunt and push against it. My whole insides were stretched.
But it was starting to feel good. He made three or four slow lunges in and out of me, and I started to feel better and better. The thing was pressed against my clit, and every time he moved it, my clit followed the stroke.
As it got better and better for me, I ceased caring whether he knew I liked it or not. My cunt was getting so wet and hot as he slid his cock back and forth in me that I gave a moan through the gag.
People always tell you that the first time isn't very good, but I don't think that has to be true. I had broken my maidenhead years ago with my finger so that I could use tampons, so I didn't have that to worry about.
And I guess the thing was tight because I hadn't done it before. That just makes it better, I think. At any rate, I really liked the way his cock was stretching it every time he drove it into me.
He started to go at me faster and harder, and I thrust my hips into him so that I could get even more of that prick into me. I felt totally filled, but I still wanted more. I couldn't believe how much I liked it.
I felt myself getting higher and higher as he pummeled away at my cunt. I was releasing more and more fluids and his cock was slick with them. Each new thrust sent a wave of pleasure through me, and I knew it wouldn't be long before I was going to have an orgasm.
I worried for a brief instant what would happen if somebody came in and found us like that. He never did tell me exactly where Missy was, and he hadn't mentioned a word about the housekeeper. I knew that I could always claim that he had forced me to do it, and the gag and the rope would back that up. But I would hate to have to do something that mean to someone who was giving me so much pleasure.
And I didn't want the exquisite sensations I was feeling to stop. I knew at least that much would happen if someone interrupted us. No, I sure as hell didn't want it to stop. I wanted it to go on forever.
By that time, all semblance of rational thought was about to leave my head. He was making one forceful lunge after the other into my pussy, and the waves of pleasure they sent through me were adding up. I was poised right on the brink of an orgasm, and each thrust, each withdrawal and each new thrust were nudging me over the edge.
As he slammed into me with ever increasing speed, I felt all of my senses leave me. Everything was centered on my cunt and what was happening to it.
It seemed to become a world unto itself. And the entirety of my being was focused on that world. Nothing else existed for me, and I didn't want anything else to exist. Nothing mattered except those hard thrusts into my pussy.
I felt my body go rigid and I clenched my teeth against the gag as the force of my orgasm hit me. My body was engulfed by pleasure, swept away by it, every pore infused with it.
My hips were bucking against his driving cock as the blinding flash hit me. But he kept up his thrusting, and I was seized by another and another.
My cunt twitched and went into a spasm. It was like I wanted to grip his cock as tight as I could and hold it into me. Shudders passed through me as I hit my peak time after time.
Then I heard him let out a gasp. He gave me several more thrusts, each one of them setting off a quick orgasm, them he buried his cock into me. His body jerked as he shot load after load of hot come into my pussy.
The spasms of his cock and the heat from the come sent me into a final shattering orgasm. I had never known there could be such pleasure. I was transported to a world where nothing but that pleasure existed for me.
As he finished coming and held his cock in me, my senses returned and I realized what had happened to me. My best friend's father had taken my virginity. He had raped me and humiliated me.
But I had had the best climax of my life. That was almost the worst part of it now. I had liked what he had done. And he had been right when he had called me a bitch in heat who loved every minute of it.
In a way, that was the final humiliation for me. The fact that I had enjoyed it so much, and he knew how much I'd liked it.
I feel so ashamed, Doctor!
When he was finished with me, he withdrew his cock from my pussy and rolled over. He was still panting, and he rested a moment to regain his breath.
He took the gag out of my mouth, and I turned so that he could untie the rope that held my wrists together. I didn't know what to say, so I kept quiet.
"You say anything about this, bitch, and I'll let the world know what you and Missy have been up to ... Got that?" he asked.
"Yes," I replied meekly.
I put my clothes back on as he gathered up his own and went upstairs. Neither one of us said another word.
When I was dressed, I went to the foyer, picked up my things and left. I didn't want to face anyone then, and I realized that somehow he had indeed found out about me and Missy. That added to the humiliation and despair I already had.
It's too much, Doctor! It really is! And I just can't stand it.
It's not the fact that I lost my virginity or anything like that. It's that I liked it so much. I know that happened was totally wrong, but that didn't bother me at the time, and it should have. I'm convinced that there's something wrong with me.
And I can't bring myself to face Missy. Not only have I lost my virginity, I've lost my best friend as well. I'd like to talk to her about it, but I just couldn't bear her knowing what her own father did to me.
And I can't bear the fact that he knows about what we've been doing.
Do you see my problem, Doctor? I just don't think that I can go on living with myself after all this.
And everything looks so dreary now. Without Missy for a friend, I'm going to hate school. And I really don't want that to happen. I want to have fun just like normal people. I want to go to school and have friends just like normal people.
And I've got to tell Missy something. She called twice over the weekend. I don't know if her father said anything about me being there or not. But she knows something is wrong.
And Mother knows something is wrong too since I won't talk to Missy on the phone. She always used to bitch about the amount of time we talked, and now she's upset because we aren't speaking at all. She keeps pestering me to tell her what's wrong, but I can't. Really, Doctor, I can't.
So I hope that there's something you can do for me, Doctor.
There's got be an answer, really there does. And I need to find it as soon as I can. I can't go on living this way.
These feelings that I have are ruining my life, and I don't think I can take much more of it. I know that I maybe shouldn't have them, but there's really nothing I can do about it. That's why I wanted to see you.
I needed to tell someone about the awful mess I've gotten myself into, and there just isn't anyone else I can turn to. Just telling you has made me feel a little better. I just felt so alone with everything bottled up inside me. I didn't know what to do, or where to turn. I know there's hope for me, and I hope you can help. If things don't get better for me, my life just won't be worth living.
Mother told me that you've always been able to help her with her problems, so I decided that I'd try to see what you could do about mine. I know that you can understand what's happened to me better than I can, and maybe you can make some kind of sense out of it. I know that I haven't been able to yet, but I think maybe you can. There just isn't anywhere else I can turn.
I know that you think it's probably silly for a sixteen year old girl to feel that there's nothing left to live for, but I can't help feeling that way.
My life was going so well before all this happened. Now everything is changed, and not for the better. I'm not sure that I want to go back to the way I was. And I guess that isn't possible anyway.
But at the same time, I can't stay the way I am. I'm too miserable. I can't understand why liking something like that has made me unhappy, but it has, and something has to be done about it.
And I want my best friend back. It's too lonely without Missy as a friend. There isn't anyone else who could take her place, and I don't want anyone else. But how can I face her after what's happened to me? I don't dare tell her it was her father, but I don't see how I can not tell her either. We've always told each other everything. I'd feel like I was lying to her if I didn't tell her, and I don't want to Jo that. I don't want our friendship to be changed, but I guess it has been.
Please, Doctor, find an answer for me.
INTERVIEW TWO
When Muffy R. returned to my office a week later, her spirits seemed to be somewhat improved. A rosy glow was in her cheeks and there was an air of holiday cheer about her.
I had told her after our first session that she need not feel guilty about enjoying the sexual act. It was true that her introduction to it had been unusual, but not nearly as traumatic as it could have been. And I told her that she should definitely discuss what had happened to her with her friend. It was not necessary for her to reveal that the friend's father had initiated the act, but if she felt she had to mention this, it was better to do so than lose such a close friend.
I was very glad to see her looking so chipper as she entered my office for the session which follows.
Oh, Doctor, I'm so glad that I came to see you!
You wouldn't believe how much help you've been to me. Really!
I'm a hundred times better than I was last week. I still don't feel completely back to normal, but I feel a lot better. And there's some fun in my life again, some real fun. It's going to be a nice vacation, after all. I'm really happy about that.
Well, let me tell you all that's happened. Some of it may shock you a little bit, but then I guess you've heard just about everything, haven't you?
Some of it shocked me, but it's been a lot easier to handle than it was. I'm grateful to you for that.
You were certainly right about talking to Missy. I called her that very evening and told her to come over the next afternoon. My mother had an appointment at the beauty parlor, so I knew we'd have the house to ourselves. I didn't know how I'd break the news to her, but I knew that I had to.
She was simply too important to me to lose as a friend, and I knew that once I had her back, I'd start feeling better. That's the way we are. It's a very special friendship and about the closest relationship I've ever had with anyone.
So on Tuesday, she came over for lunch. Right away she asked about what had happened on Friday. Fortunately, she said that her father had told her that I was there, but had left because I was sick.
As long as Mother was there, I said that was true. I had told her the same thing when I got home, but she could see that I was more upset than sick. I guess she thought that Missy and I had had some land of fight or something.
Missy said she had worried about me over the weekend, especially when my mother kept saying that I couldn't talk. She said she thought that maybe something she'd done had made me mad. I told her it was nothing of the sort.
During lunch we just talked about the usual things. What was going on over the holidays, about the kids at school, about boys we knew.
I was dying for my mother to hurry up and get out of the house, but she seemed to take her time. I think she wanted to eavesdrop a little on what we were saying.
She had been really concerned that I had wanted to see you, Doctor. She could tell something was troubling me, and I think she felt a little hurt that I couldn't confide in her. I didn't want her to feel hurt, but there was no way that I could tell her either. I hated causing her worry and all that, but there really wasn't much I could do about it. I was too confused to do anything that whole weekend.
Finally, she left the house. It was such a relief to be able to tell Missy what had happened. I could only hope that she would understand.
"Missy," I said, "I wasn't sick last Friday."
"But you said ... "
"I know what I said, but I hate to wait for Mother to leave before I could tell you what really happened."
"Well, then tell me," Missy said.
"Something happened that made it impossible for me to stay at your house last week," I told her.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I'll bet it was Daddy. He made a pass at you."
"How do you know?" I asked her. I couldn't believe that she guess at the nature of what went on so quickly.
"Because he does it to me whenever he gets the chance," she told me.
"He makes passes at YOU?" I asked. I was shocked. I had heard about this kind of thing, but I didn't believe it could exist right here in Scarsdale.
"Well, he's made a little more than a pass at me," Missy admitted.
"He made a little more than a pass at me, too," I said.
"Oh, what did he do?" Missy said. Her eyes were lit up as she said it.
I explained it to her then, every last detail of it. The only part I felt out was about how much I had liked it. I didn't say that it had been terrible or anything like that, but I didn't say how wonderful he had made me feel. And I didn't tell her how guilty and ashamed I felt about liking it.
"So....." Missy said when I was finished.
"So, what?" I asked.
"So, how did you like it, silly?" she asked me.
I was afraid she was going to ask that question, and I didn't know how I was going to answer it. I decided on the truth, and if that made her think I was some kind of a pervert, that would just be the way it was.
"That's what made me so upset," I said. "That's why I ran out as fast as I could. That's why I didn't talk to you over the weekend. At first I didn't think I could ever face you again."
"What do you mean," Missy said. "Was it that awful?"
"No . ... the problem was that I really liked it. I liked it a lot."
"You did?"
"Yes, I did. And it made me feel terrible that I liked it so much."
"I'm surprised, Muffy. I didn't like it so much the first time."
"What about now?" I asked her.
"Mow I like it . ... I guess I had to get used to the fact that it was my father. I think that bothered me at first."
"It bothered me, .too," I said. "But I just couldn't help myself. I didn't want to like it, but he felt so good inside me."
"I know ... He has a big one, doesn't he?" Missy asked.
"I'll say," I told her.
I was really shocked at what she told me. I couldn't believe that her father was actually doing that to her. At the same time, I sort of envied her a bit. After all, she was getting that fat cock shoved up her cunt a lot more than I was.
But as soon as she said that she liked it too, I felt a lot better about myself. I knew that as long as some other person liked it, I couldn't be as perverted as I had thought myself to be.
Then I asked her to tell me all about it. I wanted to know how long she had been doing that sort of thing, and I wanted to know why she hadn't told me before about it.
She said that it had started years ago. At first, he just fondled her, but as she got older, he started to put his finger into her cunt. Then a few years ago, she was taught how to suck him off. Two years ago, he had penetrated her for the first time. He always told her that she wouldn't have to do anything until she was ready for it.
But why didn't you tell me?" I asked.
"I was afraid you wouldn't want me for a friend anymore if I told you," she said.
"Don't be silly," I said.
"Well, this sort of thing is a sensitive subject," Missy said.
"I know," I told her. "But you don't have to keep it such a secret . ... At least not from your very best friend."
"Now I wish I'd told you sooner," she said.
"I wish you had too. Then I might not have been so upset about what happened."
"I'm sorry it had to happen that way," she said.
"Please don't be, Missy, I liked it," I said. "But tell me one thing, I ve always thought that there was some way to tell once you've done it, but I've had my mouth on your pussy and it didn't seem any different from mine."
"I know they all say that, Missy, but I don't think there's much truth in it."
"I don't think so either. I've been looking at my cunt in the mirror, and I can't see any change in it."
"Don't worry about it," Missy said with a smile, "Your mother won't find out about it unless you tell her."
"That's a relief," I said. "I certainly don't intend to say anything to her."
"Good."
"Does your mother know?" I asked her.
"Oh, I think she's got an idea about what's going on, but I don't think she knows for sure. There really isn't much she can do about it."
"Really?" I asked.
"What's she going to do? Kick Daddy and me out ... because I'd go with him if she did. And she can't just walk out. What would she do for money?"
"You've got a point there," I said.
"Besides, I don't think she-likes sex much anyway. Daddy's always making nasty remarks about her turning him down. She's probably glad to be relieved of some of the burden."
"Do you think so?" I was amazed by all this.
"I wouldn't be at all surprised, and I certainly like doing it."
"Would you like doing it right now?" I asked.
"I was hoping you'd want to," Missy said. "I really missed not doing it on Friday night."
"So did I."
"But you got something better," she joked.
"I don't know about better, but it was sure as hell different," I said.
With that, Missy walked around the kitchen table and gave me a big kiss.
In the past, Missy and I hadn't really kissed a whole lot. Mostly we just lay together and stuck our fingers into each other's cunts. Once in a while, we ate each other out, but that hadn't happened too many times.
As she kissed me, I could sense that things were going to be different between us now. Our relationship was going to get even closer and warmer than it had been before. That made me happy.
As we kissed, she opened her mouth and stuck her tongue into mine. I had never done that before, and I liked the feel of the hot rough thing exploring the crevices of my mouth. I returned the gesture and we rolled our wet tongues around together.
With all the talking we had done about sex, just the feel of her mouth on mine gave me a tickle in my cunt. And as we rolled our tongues together, I could feel my juices start to ooze into my pussy. I always like that because it makes me feel warm and moist. I could almost imagine my pussy giving off steam under my panties.
We stood there and necked like that for about ten minutes. Missy ran her hands up and down my body, and I hugged her into me as tightly as I could.
Partly I was feeling my aroused passions, and partly I was feeling vast relief at having my friend back. And there was the added thrill of really going at it with her. It felt different, somehow. It felt more grown up, not like we were a couple of school girls diddling each other's twats.
I liked it a lot.
After a while, we broke the long embrace, and Missy put her hands to my blouse over my tits. I couldn't wait to get out of that restraining material, so I unbuttoned it, threw it off my shoulders to the floor and unhooked my bra. Missy had her hands on it, and she pulled it away when it was unhooked.
She put both her hands on my breasts and kneaded them. I felt a twinge of pleasure throughout my chest. Then she took the nipples between her thumb and forefinger and squeezed them. She rolled them around in her fingers.
I loved what she was doing, but I wanted to get at her tits as well.
I lifted up the bottom of the sweater she was wearing and ran my fingers up her tummy to her titties. She has bigger tits than I do, and she wasn't wearing a bra. I was happy about that.
I pressed my palms into her tits and rotated them around. I marveled at the softness of them. Then I moved to the nipples. I traced all around them, then I tweaked them with my finger. Missy gave a low sigh with the pleasure it gave her.
She took her hands away from my erect nipples as I continued to work on hers. She reached down and unfastened the skirt she was wearing. It fell to the floor.
As soon as her nipples were good and hard, I took my hand away and unfastened my own skirt. I couldn't wait to get out of all my clothes, so I pulled down my panties and took off my shoes and socks. I could tell that I was really hot by the cool feeling the air gave me as it hit my curly pubic hairs.
But I knew that coolness wouldn't last for long.
As soon as I had my clothes off, I felt Missy's hands roaming over my body. She ran them over my tits and down my tummy to my mound. She put both her hands over it and pressed hard. The pressure sent a thrill through me.
Then she poked a finger into the top of my slit and swirled it around. I loved the wave of pleasure it sent through me. With every movement, I could feel my cunt get hotter and wetter.
I moved my hand to her slit and reached in a finger. It was warm and moist inside. I found her clit with my finger and pressed it. She gave a small moan.
When I felt like I couldn't stand it any longer, I lowered myself to my knees and put my mouth to her cunt. I smelled all musky as I inhaled deeply through the pubic hairs. I like that.
Then I ran my tongue up and down her slit. She was putting out a lot of cunt juice, and I liked the salty-sweet taste of it. I tried to lap up as much as I possibly could. I raised my head up so that I could rotate my tongue around her clit. I could feel the little thing as I passed my tongue around it. I put my tongue to it and moved it up and down on it. Missy gave a squirm of delight and pulled my head harder into her body.
Then Missy let go of my head.
"Why don't we put something inside them?" she asked.
"Like what?"
"Oh, I don't know ... Let me look," she said as she turned away fron me.
I don't know why, Doctor, but it had never occurred to me to put anything else up there except my finger. I had heard all those stories about girls who put coke bottles and things like that inside them, but I had never tried anything like that.
Missy went into a cupboard and looked around. Finally, she brought out a bottle of Heinz ketchup. My eyes lit up when I saw it. It looked about the same size as her father, and the memory of that incident and the way it had made me feel came back to me. Then Missy went to another cupboard and took out a bottle of Schweppes tonic water. That was a lot smaller than the ketchup bottle. I wondered how she would allocate the bottles. I wanted the ketchup bottle for the growing need I felt within me.
"Which one do you want?" Missy asked me when she was at my side.
"Oh, I think I want the ketchup bottle," I said.
"My, my ... You certainly are coming along," she said.
We both gave a little giggle then. I didn't want to rush her or anything, but I really wanted to get that thing in me as fast as I could.
Missy handed me the tonic bottle. I moved to the front of her cunt right away. She evidentially understood how I was feeling, because she reached the ketchup bottle to the top of my hole and worked the top of it in. It gave me a feeling of fullness as soon as I felt it. She let the juices of my cunt make it all slick, then she shoved more of it into me.
At the same time, I worked the end of the tonic bottle into her. As it went in, Missy gave a sigh. I knew she was feeling the same things I was and that turned me on even more.
She kept pushing the ketchup bottle into me until I felt it stretch the back of my cunt. She pulled it out a bit and rammed it in with more force.
I could feel it moving my clit, and that sent a wave of pleasure through me. At the same time, I was starting to move the tonic bottle inside her, but I sort of had to hold it into the top of her cunt to make sure that I was getting it to slide along her clit.
She started going faster and faster with the ketchup bottle in me. I could close my eyes and almost see her father laying over me with that big cock of his ramming in and out of me. That idea sent me even higher. I loved what Missy was doing to my cunt, and I loved the way I was turning her on with the tonic bottle.
I thought about those plastic things that some people use, and I wished that we had a couple of them. And I was anxious to try out a vibrator. I know that there are places in the city that sell them, and I was determined to get one for myself. And I thought about the idea of giving one of them to Missy as a Christmas present. I knew I'd have to tell her that it was a special present or she'd open it when she opened the rest of her gifts with her family. I didn't think her father would mind, but I doubted that her mother would approve.
But all those thoughts started to fade as Missy thrust the ketchup bottle into me faster and harder. I was going at her cunt with the tonic bottle as fast as I could.
We were both moaning and gasping for breath by that time.
"Oooooooooooh, shove that thing into me!" Missy gasped.
I pushed it into her even harder and faster. She picked up her motions with the ketchup bottle, and I felt myself getting close to the edge.
I didn't care about anything else then, I just wanted more and more of what she was doing. The thing was totally filling my cunt, stretching it into me whenever she made a really deep thrust.
"Ooohhhhhh," I moaned. "I think I'm going to start coming."
Then I felt her go over the top. She let out a huge breath of air, closed her eyes, and her face went into a contorted expression. I kept the bottle going in her cunt as fast as I could.
Then I felt my own peak arrive. All of the sensations I was feeling welled up within me and flooded through my body. And still the bottle kept going in my cunt.
The orgasms started coming one after the other and it was all I could do to keep up the motions of the tonic bottle on Missy's cunt. Each climax was more shattering than the last, and they seemed to be building on each other, reinforcing each other somehow. I was in heaven, and I never wanted to leave.
A shudder rippled through my body and my cunt started to twitch around the bottle. A spasm gripped me, then there was another. I was lost in the sheer ecstasy of it. I was vaguely aware of Missy panting and moaning beside me, but most of my being was engulfed in the white hot flashes that were emanating from my cunt and racing through me. It was all I could do not to scream with the pleasure of it.
There was a blinding storm of fire and my cunt was at the center of that raging vortex. I didn't think any more pleasure was possible, but it kept coming. I was consumed by the conflagration within me.
Finally, after what seemed an eternity, it subsided. Missy was still holding the ketchup bottle in me, but she wasn't moving it. The end of the tonic bottle I was holding had come out of her cunt, and I was just standing there with it pointed at her. I don't know when it was that I stopped moving it.
Both of us were heaving with the effort it took to get enough air into our bodies, and we were covered with a thin film of sweat.
Missy slowly pulled the ketchup bottle out of me. We set both bottles on the table and collapsed into each other's arms. Both of us were totally and completely satisfied. It was then that I knew how truly special our friendship had become.
Doctor, I can't tell you how much that day meant to me. I know it didn't solve all my problems, but it certainly turned my life around.
I felt happy again, and I felt excited about the things that were around me in the world. The prospect of going back to school with Missy appealed to be, and I can't wait until next year when we can be roommates. We're going to have to keep a low profile for the rest of this year. We can't take the chance that someone might catch us. Although there is one thing that I intend to do. I want to find out about Miss Havisham for once and for all. I'm not sure how I'm going to do that, but I'll think of a way.
In a way, I feel a little funny about the way I let my reactions to what Missy's father did affect me. If I had just stayed and talked to her later, things would have been very different for me. But at the time, I felt like I was the only one in the world who had ever felt that way.
Being alone made it much harder than it should have been, I think. I even wish I could have told my mother, but she would have gotten all upset and had Missy's father arrested for rape or something. I certainly didn't want that to happen.
I suppose that it was rape, but if I had known how it was going to feel, I would have begged him to do it to me. Now I'm actually glad the whole thing happened.
Isn't that sort of like what they say? "If rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it." Well, something like that. That's what I did, and I'm glad I did.
Still, I can't really approve of what he did. Mostly for Missy's sake. What's going to happen if it doesn't work out that way in the future. He could get sent to prison, and the whole family would be ruined by the scandal.
Missy and I talked about that briefly, and we decided to have a talk with her father about it sometime. She promised me that sometime soon when they're alone together, she's going to call me and all three of us are going to go at it. That sounds kind of fun to me. She said there's a good chance she'll be able to arrange it over the holidays because hell be off work a lot, and her mother will spend a lot of time shopping.
Do you think I'm just too depraved, Doctor?
I know it sounds like I'm turning into a scarlet woman or some sort of wanton hussie, but the more sex I get, the more I want.
I know that people are supposed to like it like you told me last time, but I think I may be wanting too much of it. Well, I guess I'm going to have to give it up for the most part when I go back to school, so maybe that will be good for me. I'm just not sure that I'm going to like it.
Well, I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. At any rate, things have definitely taken a turn for the better in my life.
I want to thank you for all the help you've been, Doctor. I hope I don't need to see you again anytime soon, but I really have enjoyed talking with you.
CONCLUSION
It is clear from what Muffy says that she really has improved considerably.
Sometimes, the only thing a person really needs is the knowledge that he or she is not alone in the world, and that others have had similar experiences and reactions.
I did advise Muffy that perhaps she was entering the sexual arena of life at a pace that was perhaps a bit fast for one so young. Since she reacted to her first experience so strongly, I felt it might be best for her to take things a little easier. After all, she has many years in which to develop her full sexual potential.
And I was a bit concerned that she might find herself side tracked somehow if she finds herself in an emotional involvement that she is unable to cope with at her level of maturity. I told her that sex involved more than just what her body was capable of feeling. It involves emotional committment as well, and that's something few persons her age fully understands.
She seemed to understand what I was telling her, and I have every confidence that she will live a full and happy life if she can exercise a modicum of restraint at this point. She has all the advantages a modern society can offer, and I have no doubt that she will use them well if she takes the time to consider her actions not only as they relate to herself, but also as they relate to others.
CASE HISTORY TWO
SUBJECT: Marie B. AGE: Thirty five
INTERVIEW ONE
When Marie B. walked into my office, there was no indication that anything was troubling her.
In fact, it was hard to believe she was there at all. Marie B. is the wife of one of the wealthiest banking executives in town. They have a fine home in Saddle River, New Jersey, and a chauffeur drives her husband the forty five miles into Manhattan every morning.
She looked exactly like what she was. She was a powerful force in the upper echelons of the social world in the metropolitan area, and her bearing as she strode into my office displaced that power. She walked confidently with her head held high.
Her clothes also matched her status. She wore a beige dress from Bergdorf's, Gucci shoes and long strands of gold chains fell gracefully around her neck. Her earrings were simple gold discs to offset the chains. She casually laid her Vuitton handbag on the floor as she sat down.
I didn't know what her problem was then, but I was pleased to meet this woman that I often read about in the local newspapers. She was as beautiful as she was rich and chic. Her hair fell in long, auburn tresses around the classic features of her face, and she wore just enough makeup to heighten them. Her breasts were ample and in proportion to the rest of her lithe body.
This is what she revealed during that first interview.
Thank you, Doctor. I'm very pleased to meet you as well. All my friends have told me about you, and I know that you've helped many of them. I just hope you can do the same for me.
I'm not really here for myself, Doctor. It's mostly about my daughter.
But what she does affects me, so I guess I can use a little help as well.
Anyway, something's just got to be done about her and I'm literally at my wit's end. Nothing I've done or said has made a damn bit of difference to her, and she flat out refuses to come and see you. I'm more or less here in her place.
I've tried to get Mark, my husband, to talk to her, but he just skirts the issue when he tries to talk to her. I suppose he doesn't believe that it's really true. I guess I can't blame the man for wanting to think his daughter's an angel.
And I can't even bring myself to tell him the worst of it. He dotes on her.
You probably know that he's a lot older than I am. I was just eighteen when I met him, and he was forty five. We got married the next year, and a year later, Cynthia was born. She was an adorable baby, and Mark was about the proudest father I've ever seen.
Mark wanted to have more children, but I developed a problem with cysts in my uterus, and I couldn't get pregnant. Finally, I had to have a hysterectomy, and that ended our chances of having any more children. In those days, they didn't have sperm banks and surrogate mothers, so we just accepted the fact that one child would be it for us. That made Cindy all the more precious to us.
As I look back on it, I guess I should have done something sooner. Since she was all we had, though, it was difficult to accept the fact that something was wrong with her.
And I suppose it was difficult to acknowledge our responsibility for it. We gave her everything, so we thought that made us perfect parents. I've learned my lesson now, but then it's too late to go back and undo what's been done. I wish life gave you a second chance, but with things like this, one is all you get. Sometimes I don't think it's fair, but then the world just isn't fair, is it?
Cindy's always been a bright child, and it always pleased us that she did things before other children. She was precocious, and we were proud of her and encouraged her as much as we could.
When she was about eight, I noticed that every once in a while, she smelled funny. Then one afternoon, I walked into her room and saw her with her hand in her vagina. I think I knew in the back of my mind what that smell had been, but I didn't want to think of a child that age being sexual.
Yes, I've read that we're all sexual from the minute we're born, but one's own child is always a different matter. I wanted to think of her as the bouncing bundle of innocence that she'd always been. I think all parents are like that, aren't they?
Well, I did my best to be liberal and open-minded about it. The last thing I wanted her to have were hang-ups about sex. It took me years to get rid of the inhibitions my mother put into my head with her furtive comments about "marital relations" and "one's wifely duties." I didn't want Cindy to have any of that.
So I explained to her in a calm, rational manner that there was nothing wrong with what she was doing. I told her that it was something everybody did, but that it was a private thing that we did when we were alone.
She seemed to understand what I told her, so I didn't think there was going to be any problem about it. Later that night, I told Mark about it.
"What did you tell her about it?" he asked me.
"I told her everybody did it, that it was natural, but that it was something we did in private," I said.
"Why didn't you tell her the truth?" he asked.
"What's that?"
"That it makes you go blind and drives you insane," he said with a smile.
We both laughed, although I knew that he was actually only half joking. He knows in his mind that it's natural, but he had a very strict Catholic upbringing, and those priests and nuns left him with a lot of inhibitions about sex. He knows the truth, but the effects of all that repression are still with him.
Anyway, everything went along fine for about six months. I had told Cindy about washing after she did it, so we didn't have the problem of a smelly kid running around the house.
Then one afternoon, she Was up in her room playing with one of her friends from school. I had to go to that wing of the house for something, and I noticed that it seemed awfully quiet. Usually she and her friends played records and things like that, and they always played them so loudly that they had to shout to make themselves heard above the noise.
I went into her room and there was no one there, but I heard splashing noises coming from the her bathroom.
"This feels real good," I heard her say to her friend.
I walked in and both of them were in the bathtub naked. Cindy had her finger in her cunt and was showing the other little girl how to masturbate.
I did my best not to over react, but I just didn't think that I should allow that kind of activity. I told them to get out of the tub, and later I told Cindy that she wasn't to take any more baths with her friends. I didn't say a thing about what I had seen her doing.
Now, Doctor, I know that it's natural for little girls to explore each other like that at her age, but I really didn't want that sort of thing going on in my house. I can just imagine what would happen if some of Cindy's playmates told their parents about what she taught them. That wouldn't be good for me or Cindy. I thought it was in her own best interests to have at least a few prohibitions.
As time went on, I noticed that Cindy stopped having so many playmates over. She would go to someone else's house whenever she could. I began to wonder about that, but I didn't make any effort to find out what was going on. I suppose I didn't want to think about it.
That spring, I got the first telephone call. I was so upset and embarrassed that I didn't know what to do. She was over at the Snowdon's playing with a group of kids from her school. I think there were five or six of them, both boy's and girls.
Gloria Snowdon who is a social acquaintance of ours called to tell me that she had gone to the basement to check on the children. When she got there, she found them all in a circle. Cindy was sucking on one of the little boy's cocks.
I really didn't think it was so terrible at the time. After all, children have been playing "Doctor" since time immemorial.
But what Gloria Snowdon had to tell me was a little disturbing.
She said that she had questioned the children about the game, and they all said Cindy had organized it. She had diagnosed the little boy's ailment as "soreness of the peter" and had prescribed that she suck on it to make it well.
I didn't even know that Cindy knew words like "peter" for that part of the male anatomy. We had had several discussions about sex, and I had explained where babies come from and all that. I've made it a point never to mention any of that stork nonsense to her.
I asked Gloria what Cindy had said to her. She told me that Cindy had admitted organizing the game. When she asked Cindy why she had done it, Cindy told her that she liked to play with little boys' "things" and make them hard.
So this wasn't the first time Cindy had done that sort of thing. Now I knew why she was spending so much time at her playmates' houses rather than ours.
At the time, I didn't know what I should do. The chauffeur was about to leave for the city to pick Mark up, so I have him go over and bring Cindy home. She didn't look very ashamed of herself when she came in the house, and she was truculent with me when I questioned her about what had happened.
Mark and I had always tried not to use any kind of corporal punishment with her, but I made an exception in this case. I laid her over my lap and gave her a spanking. Not a very long one, and not very hard, but it was enough to make her cry.
Afterwards, I explained to her that I had spanked her not because of what she was doing, but because of her attitude. And I told her again that sex was a private matter. I told her that the time for her to be doing things with boys was a long way off, and that she shouldn't be doing those sorts of things with her friends.
I made a point not to say that it was "dirty" or "disgusting" or anything like that. I didn't want her to associate that kind of thing with sex. I've always found sex to be beautiful and natural and I wanted her to feel that way too. After all, she'd already discovered that it was fun.
She listened to me in silence, then I sent her to her room. As further punishment, I sent her dinner up on a tray and forbid her to watch television that night.
Mark and I had to go out for dinner that night, so I have the maid instructions to keep an eye on Cindy and report back to me if she tried to watch television.
We didn't get back until after twelve, and the whole house was quiet. When we got to the top of the stairs, Mark went down the hall to our room, and I turned to the right and went to Cindy's room to check on her. I just wanted to make sure she was asleep. And I felt a little guilty about the spanking I had given her.
As I opened the door, the room was dark except for the blue glow of the television set. As I looked at it, I saw two naked people sitting on a divan holding microphones.
Cindy was watching Midnight Blue on the cable! I was shocked and outraged.
I walked over to the television and turned it off. As I passed her bed, I saw that her nightie was open and she had her hand to her cunt. Now I knew that there was going to be a problem.
I was so upset that I didn't say a word to her. I wanted to talk over the situation with her father. I hadn't had a chance to tell him what had happened that day.
"You get in bed, Cindy," I told her. "We'll deal with this tomorrow."
Mark and I had a long discussion about it. Both of us agreed that part of it could have been natural curiosity. But what disturbed me even more was the fact that she has disobeyed me. She had always been so good in the past. And I was surprised that she even knew about Midnight Blue on cable.
We agreed to remove her television set for a week and not to have the cable reinstalled when we allowed it back. That seemed enough for the time being.
Now I think that we should have come to see you then when the situation might have been manageable. I guess we thought the whole thing would just go away.
And it seemed to do just that for a few years. I thought she had gotten over it or something, and I was pleased that things were working out so well. There weren't any more incidents that we found out about.
But I know now that all I accomplished by talking to her and disciplining her was to make her more secretive. She made sure that no one found out about what she was doing. And she got very good about that.
It was during the winter she was thirteen that her school called us. It was the headmistress herself, and she wanted to see me as soon as possible. I agreed to go in the next day.
When I walked into the woman's office, I could tell she was distressed.
She talked around the issue at first. Finally, she told me that one of the teachers had discovered Cindy in the band room making love to one of the other girls.
It was after school hours, and they were in the room where all the instruments are kept. It was purely an accident that they had been caught at all. The woman had gone in there looking for something she had mislaid.
She also told me that there had been rumors about Cindy that had reached her. One was that she had had numerous lesbian affairs and the other was that she was having sex with some of the boys at Seminary Hill. That's a boy's school nearby that many of the Saddle River boys attend. They sometimes have social functions with the girls at Cindy's school.
Under the circumstances, the woman told me, she had no other choice than to ask me to withdraw Cindy from the school. She said she hadn't acted on the rumors she'd heard because she had a policy of letting the girls know that one shouldn't put any credence in idle gossip.
But she said this was just too much. There was no way she could countenance such behavior. Cindy had to go and that was that. She gave me copies of all of Cindy's records and said she could finish out the day, but that was it. She'd have the things in Cindy's desk and locker sent along to us later. She had no intention of talking to Cindy herself. She said she thought that was the role of the parents.
She told me that the records would be marked "Withdrew for medical reasons" so that this stigma wouldn't stay with the girl. I was grateful for that.
But the whole situation was humiliating for me. I felt responsible for what my daughter had done, and I knew that part of it was my fault. I wanted to vanish into the floor as the woman talked to me, but I was stuck there.
As soon as Cindy got home, I told her what had happened. She didn't seem to be surprised. She knew she had been caught, and she had been waiting to see what was going to be done about it.
"I guess I was a little indiscreet," she said.
"Indiscreet?" I said. "Is that all you call it?"
"That's about all I can think of," she said.
"An act like that, under those circumstances, and you only call it indiscreet?" I yelled. I was shocked that she didn't take it more seriously than that.
"Well, I guess you could say that I was dumb."
"Now I think you know better than that, Cynthia," I said.
"You mean you think it was disgusting and perverted," she said.
"To some degree."
"Well, I like boys too."
"So I've heard."
"She told you about the gossip about me?" Cindy asked.
"Yes, she did. Is it true?" I asked.
"Well, you might as well know ... It's not only true, but that's not the half of it ... I even let Brutus fuck me once."
My eyes went wide in amazement. Brutus is our German shepherd watchdog. I didn't know if she was just making it up or not. Her attitude was such that she could have been going out of her way to shock me.
But I didn't want to hear anymore. I had been through enough that day, and I felt totally drained.
"Go to your room, young lady," I told her, "and don't ever use that kind of language around me again."
Cindy turned and went up the stairs. I think I was more shocked and worried by her total lack of concern about what had happened than anything else. If she had been at all contrite or remorseful, I would have felt better about it. But she didn't show even the slightest trace of embarrassment. I thought that it might be merely a case of adolescent rebelliousness that she was going through, and I guess I tried to make myself believe that. I just couldn't face the truth then.
When Mark got home from the city, we talked the whole thing over. He didn't think it was quite as serious as I did. He said it wouldn't be such a tragedy for her to finish out the year at a public school. She was ahead of the kids there anyway, so we decided to keep her out a month so that we could make the medical excuse look more valid. Later, we were going to start looking for a boarding school for her.
That spring, Mark and I toured the East Coast looking at boarding schools. We wanted one that was really strict. We thought that would break her of the habits she'd developed. We talked about sending her to a psychiatrist or psychologist, but we didn't do anything about it. We didn't want to admit to ourselves that the problem was that significant.
Mark and I thought that Miss Porter's School would be the best place for her if we could get her in there. Cindy had good marks and very high test scores, so we weren't worried about that.
What concerned us was that the school might learn about the real reasons she had left the other school. Although her records covered it up, we knew that there was a network that operated throughout the private schools of the East.
They were evasive at Miss Porter's as to whether they would take her or not. But the Dean of Admissions at Deerfield Academy in Northfield, Massachussetts, assured us that Cindy would be accepted there. The school wasn't quite as good as Miss Porter's, but it would be adequate if she was turned down there.
In early June, we got the letter from Miss Porter's saying that they would take Cynthia. We were overjoyed, and we looked at that as the solution to all our problems. Cynthia liked the school, and we thought that she'd reform her behavior in order to stay there.
I had a series of long talks with Cindy. I explained the importance of having a good record at the school, and what that could mean to her. Girl's from Miss Porter's get into all the best colleges, and I told Cindy how helpful a good education could be for her. She seemed to understand me, but whenever I brought up the subject of sex, her recalcitrant attitude showed itself.
She said she couldn't live without it, and that the attitudes of the rest of society were old fashioned and prudish. She was fourteen and practically a grown woman, she said, and she had the needs of one.
I tried to get across to her how immature she still was, but she didn't want to accept any of that. It's nearly impossible to try to convince a teenager that he or she still has some growing up to do, and Cindy was no exception. She wanted to be an adult, and there was no convincing her that she wasn't.
I worried all summer long about what was going to happen to her.
And I wanted to keep her home at night, but there was really no way that I could. She didn't seem to be dating anyone on a regular basis, so I deluded myself into thinking that nothing was going on. I couldn't have been farther from the truth.
One afternoon, I moved her purse off the kitchen table, and her birth control pills fell out. I suppose I had suspected it all along, but it still came as something of a shock. We had talked about contraception before, but she had said she wasn't worried about it.
"I can always get an abortion," she had said in a flippant manner.
I tried to convince her of the seriousness of an abortion, but she just gave me one flip retort after another. After a while, I got the impression she was putting me on, so I dropped the matter. She was a bright girl, and I got the feeling she already knew what I was telling her.
I asked her about the pills that evening before she left on her date.
"I'm glad you decided to be sensible and go on the pill, Cindy," I told her.
"Yeah, I decided you might be right about the abortion bit," she said.
"Well, I'm glad you decided to take my advice about something."
"When you're right, you're right, Mother."
"Thank you, dear."
"But when you're wrong, you're really wrong," she added.
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
"About giving up sex."
"Oh? You're not seeing anyone on a regular basis, are you?"
"No."
"Then you can't be doing that much," I said.
"You really are out of it, Mother. I fuck with all of them."
"Please watch your language, dear," I said. "You mean even on the first date."
"Hell, they don't even need a date. Sometimes I go to the movies and do it with strangers ... I get a kick out of that."
"Cynthis, I don't want to discuss this any longer," I told her.
At that point, I just didn't want to hear any more. I was astounded both at what she had said to me and at how naive I had been. For some reason, I thought that because she wasn't seeing anyone on a regular basis, she must not be doing very much sex. I just assumed she would at least want some kind of relationship with a boy before she fucked with him.
I guess that proves what they say about the word "assume." Break it down and it comes out to be "ass-u-me." Make a false assumption with no evidence and everyone ends up looking like a fool. I certainly wasn't any exception.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to tell Mark what was going on. He would never believe it in the first place. In the second place, I didn't know what either of us could do to change the situation.
It was obvious that Cynthia wasn't going to listen to what I had to say on the matter. The only thing I could think of was to keep her in the house all the time. But that really wasn't possible. I was worried about the possibility that she might get some kind of "social" disease or something.
At that point, it seemed a little ridiculous to worry about her reputation. She probably has a pretty good one among the teenagers in our area. Good in the sense that they all know she puts out for everyone.
The only thing I could hope for was that the coming year at Miss Porter's would turn her around. I didn't know how that would happen, but I was hoping against hope that they had some kind of magic that would change her. I didn't see how Cindy could go on behaving in such an indiscriminant manner. I didn't know how it could ruin her life, but in the back of my head was this idea that it could. I certainly knew that it wasn't healthy. At least not for a fourteen year old.
I also worried about the possibility that she might be using drugs. Some of the boys she was seeing were older than she, and I had read that drug use among teenagers is very high these days. Hell, when I went to high school, we believed "Reefer Madness." We all thought that one pull on a marijuana cigarette would lead us straight to hell. Now I know that isn't true, and I like it once in a while, but if Cindy couldn't handle drugs any better than she was handling sex, she was certainly headed for deep trouble.
INTERVIEW TWO
After the first session, I told Marie B. that we had to find a way to get her daughter in to see me. I asked her to concentrate on it during the week before the next interview and see if she could come up with anything.
From what she said, I could tell that what her daughter was doing was really upsetting her. I told her that she couldn't hold herself personally responsible for everything her daughter did. Every parent makes mistakes with his offspring, and there is usually no way to definitely determine what makes a child behave in a deviant manner.
But it was clear that Cynthia was headed for trouble. There hadn't been time during the last session for Marie to bring me completely up to date on her errant daughter, and I wanted this second interview so that I could learn the girl's complete background.
This is what Marie B. told me that afternoon.
Well, Doctor, things have actually gotten worse, if you can believe that.
I didn't think it was possible, but they have. Now I'm really worried, and I don't know what I'm going to do.
But there is one bright spot. I told Cynthia that I wasn't going to give her her allowance if she didn't come to see you. Very reluctantly, she agreed. I hope you can talk some kind of sense into her, because I haven't been able to. And if things keep going on like this, I just don't know what's going to become of the girl, I really don't.
Now where was I last time? Oh, I was telling you about the summer before she went to Miss Porter's School. That was a year ago when she was fourteen. She's a lot worse this summer, but I'll get to that later.
I was telling you that I was worried about Cindy getting into drugs, right?
Well, I felt guilty about it, but one afternoon when she was at a friend's house playing tennis, I tore her room apart. I really did, I went through everything.
I was relieved to find that there wasn't a trace of anything. I did find two vibrators and a dildo, but by that time, something like that didn't bother me too much. In fact, I thought about trying the vibrator myslelf, but I didn't.
I thought about questioning her about drugs, but if she was using them, she probably wouldn't tell me about it anyway. What I did was to really watch her when she came home from a date or something. But she always looked fine. There was never even a trace of beer or liquor on her breath, and she didn't seem to show much interest in it. God knows there's enough booze around the place if she ever wanted any.
I thought about restricting her that summer, but it was just unreasonable to keep her in every night. I made her limit her dates to two a week, but I doubt that it made that much difference.
Cindy didn't act like it bothered her at any rate. Hell, if she wanted it that much, I knew she would find a way to get it. After all, I had no guarantee when she went out to play tennis or go shopping that she wasn't out someplace screwing.
There's no way I could watch her twenty four hours a day, so I didn't even try. I just prayed for the miracle that Miss Porter's might bring.
She left for the school right after Labor Day. Mark and I went along with her to get her settled in. We stayed two days there, and I could tell she was getting anxious for us to leave so she could get on with her new life there.
In a way, I was almost happy about it. She really seemed to be taken in by the place. I thought that if she liked it, she would do her best to live up to the rather strict rules of the place. If she would only do that, I thought, she would see the error of her ways.
But I didn't know how good she had gotten at not getting caught.
We drove up for Parent's Weekend, and Cindy seemed really happy. She said she loved the school and had made a lot of nice friends there.
Needless to say, I was tickled pink to hear that. And she seemed like she was starting to act in a much more lady-like way. They teach them manners and etiquette there, and she was obviously learning it well.
What she was doing, of course, was erecting a very elaborate facade. I was totally taken in by it that weekend.
As I watched the changes she had made, I was convinced that Miss Porter's did indeed have some kind of magic trick that was producing a miracle for Cindy. I was beginning to get hopeful about her future. After all, if she graduated from Miss Porter's and went to a good college, there wouldn't be anything she couldn't do. And, naturally, I want the best for my daughter.
Two weeks later I got a call from the school. They said that Cindy was being placed on social probation for the next month. That meant that she couldn't leave the grounds of the school for any reason, and that she had to be in her room every night by seven.
When I asked what the problem was, the dean told me that she had been a half hour late getting back to her dorm after a mixer with the freshman class at nearby Phillips Academy. That sounded just like the old Cindy.
I thanked the woman for calling me, and I called Cindy that evening to talk to her. She seemed a little upset by her new restrictions, but she was more perturbed at getting caught than she was about anything else.
"But why weren't you on time?" I asked her.
"Oh, I got so involved in what we were doing that I lost track of what time it was," she told me.
"What were you doing?" I asked her. As soon as the words left my lips, I was sorry I'd said them. I had a pretty good idea what she had been doing, and I really didn't appreciate her candor in discussing it.
"We were fucking," she whispered into the phone. At least they had taught her not to emphasize the word when she used it. And at least she did lower her voice so that the whole world didn't hear her.
"Cynthia!" I protested. It was more a protest over what she had said rather than what she had done. I didn't put anything past her.
"He had a big cock, and it went on forever ... He didn't come in two minutes like most of them," she said.
"Don't say things like that," I told her.
"Well, it's true, so why should I lie about it."
"Try to remember that I'm your mother," I told her.
"Just thought you'd want to know," she said.
"I do not want to know."
"Suit yourself."
"You're going to get yourself thrown out of there," I told her. "No I'm not."
"Yes, you are if you keep on like this ... They won't tolerate that kind of behavior," I said.
"From me they will," she told me.
"What makes you so special?"
"I've been sleeping with the dean. She'll intercede with the headmistress any time I want her to."
"She's the one that called me," I said. I couldn't believe what she was saying, and I was shocked that she had seduced one of the officials at the school. And using that relationship to get what she wanted. The girl was more devious than I had thought.
"This wasn't the first time ... Any other girl would have been thrown out," she said. She sounded like she was almost proud of herself.
I gave her another warning to at least try to be careful if she wouldn't behave. After I hung up, I thought about what she must be getting away with if she had already been caught more than once. There was just no limit to it.
I tried to talk to her over the Christmas break, but she was in no mood to listen to what I had to say. I finally gave up. After she went back, I worried constantly that she was going to be expelled. I didn't know what we'd do if that happened. I guess she's have to go to public school.
This spring the call came. The dean didn't have the news I'd feared most, though.
She said Cindy was being suspended for the rest of the term. Since it was the end of April, she could make up the work over the summer, take her finals next fall and start the new term.
I was so glad that she wasn't being expelled for good that I almost forgot to ask what her infraction was.
"She spent the night with a boy," the woman informed me cooling. There was an undertone of disgust in her voice when she said the word "boy."
Cynthia arrived home the next day.
That was a month ago, Doctor. Now she has a chance to make good at the school in the fall, and I don't want her to muff it. But from the way she's acting now, I'm just not sure there's any hope for her.
Two days after our last session, I was watching her lying beside the pool. I was at one of the second floor windows, and she didn't know I was watching.
She was wearing a black bikini. It looked good on her, I'll admit, but the thing is really skimpy. Her breasts are still growing, but they already poked up rather nicely from her chest.
As I watched, I saw Gomez, the gardener, come around the pool house with a rake in his hand. I could tell by the way he stopped when he saw her that he liked what he saw.
Cynthia heard him as he walked by the pool, but she pretended not to notice him. She had her eyes closed and her face into the sun. But as he walked along the other side of the pool, she reached behind her back and untied her top. Very slowly she pulled it off and ran her hand across her breasts.
Gomez stopped in his tracks. He's a Mexican with thick black hair and a large moustache. He's about thirty, and he's really rather nice looking. But he is the gardener, you know.
I could see what she was doing from the window, and my first impulse was to run down there and stop what was going on. But I didn't. I stood there and watched. To tell you the truth, I was a little turned on by the idea of watching my daughter in action. I hate to admit that, Doctor, but it's the truth. Maybe there's an element of voyeurism in me. Now that I think about it, there's probably a little bit of it in all of us.
Anyway, he just stood there watching her. After a minute or so, he moved to the corner of the pool house and leaned against it while he looked at her. Then he brought his hand to his crotch and rubbed it back and forth across his cock. I could see by the way his tight levis bulged that he had a hard-on.
I had a really strange sensation then. As I watched, I almost wished that it was me lying beside the pool. I wanted it to be my body that was being devoured by a man's eyes. I felt a twinge of envy for Cynthia then.
Cindy kept running her hand back and forth across her tits. Instinctively, I put my hand to my own nipple and rubbed my palm over it. As soon as I felt myself doing it, I tore my hand away. I thought the whole thing was really perverse. I thought it was sick to be getting turned on watching my daughter seduce one of the servants. But I couldn't deny that it did arouse me.
After about five minutes, Gomez went over and stood beside her. His body cast a shadow over her face and Cindy looked up at him.
She said something to her, and he moved so that his shadow wasn't across her face. She put her hands behind her neck and closed her eyes again. I could see that they were talking, but I couldn't hear anything from that distance.
I felt like I was rooted in that spot. A lightness came to my legs and feet as I watched, and I felt like I couldn't move even if I wanted to.
It looked like Cindy wasn't even acknowledging his presence. She really is becoming a bitch, I thought. It was clear to me that she wanted the man, but she was treating him like she couldn't care less. I felt sympathy for Gomez at that point. I didn't think it was fair of her to treat him like that even if he was only a gardener.
I was in a total state of confusion. I didn't like the pleasure I was feeling watching that scene. At the same time, I wanted to see more of it. I wanted them to do it right there so I could see it all. But then I didn't want Cindy screwing with the servants in the first place. They'd start getting lax toward their duties.
Now this is really funny, Doctor. As I was thinking about all that, I had the thought that I didn't want Cynthia tormenting poor Gomez like that. You know how hard it is to keep good domestics.
If she was going to let him fuck her, let him do it; don't tantalize him so that he gets all hot and bothered and not give him an outlet for his frustrations.
Then another idea hit me. If she didn't screw with him, I could go offer myself.
I really felt guilty about that one, Doctor. I was having so many contrary feeling that my whole mind was in a quandary. I didn't know what I wanted Cindy to do, I didn't know what I wanted to do, and I didn't know what to think about any of it.
So I just stood at the window looking at them, a thousand conflicting thoughts racing through my addled mind.
After a few minutes, Cindy raised herself up on her elbow and looked around the yard. Then she got up and led the way to the pool house like she was going to get a fresh towel.
I was really excited by this time. I was still confused as hell, but I knew what I was going to do. It wasn't a matter of what I wanted to do or what I thought I ought to do, it was a matter of what my body was imploring me to do.
I walked calmly down the stairs and went out one of the patio doors. I made a beeline to the window at the side Of the pool house. That window was shaded by a large sycamore tree, so the presence of my head there wouldn't change the nature of the lighting in the room.
The room was used for changing. It was small and there wasn't much in there besides a locker, a bench along one wall and a stack of towels on top of the locker. There was green industrial carpeting on the floor.
I wished there was more light, but there was nothing I could do about it. But I could see them clearly enough to know what was going on. Gomez had his levis pulled down to his knees and Cindy had the bottom of her suit off. She was naked.
Cindy was standing there with her hand around his cock while he inserted a finger into her cunt.
I tell you, Doctor, I was so excited that I could feel my own juices start to ooze into my pussy! I know it sounds awful, but I couldn't help it.
I watched as she ran her hands all over his cock. She pulled the foreskin back and rubbed the head of his cock. And Gomez had a rather large organ, I can tell you that.
Gomez moved closer to her and took his finger out of her cunt. He centered his. cock on her hole and made a thrust with his hips. Then he made another thrust and it looked like it was all the way in. He had to bend his knees a little bit so that his cock was at the right level to go into her.
Gomez started lunging into her pussy almost as soon as his cock was in her. After a few minutes, Cindy closed her eyes and leaned her head back. I was afraid for a moment that she might see me, but she was evidently so concentrated on what she was doing that she was oblivious to everything else. Gomez ground his cock into her with ever increasing force. He put his hands on her buttocks and pulled her into him with each thrust. Cindy looked like she was getting more and more aroused with every plunge he made into her. I could see that her teeth were clenched and her face was contorted into a grimace of pleasure.
Gomez went on pumping into her. I heard her start to moan and gasp and a spasm passed through her slender body. Then Gomez let out a bellow and went faster for a few seconds. Then he thrust his cock into her and his hips twitched as he came.
They were standing there motionless together when I left. I didn't want them to open their eyes and see me, so I left as soon as I saw Gomez come.
Now I hate to admit this, Doctor, but I raced up to my room as fast as I could and threw myself on my bed. As soon as I could, I pulled down my panties. I put my index finger on my clit and started to rub it. As soon as I put it in, I could feel how wet my cunt was. I ran it back and forth over my clit, and in almost no time, I had a fierce orgasm. It took my whole body and totally engulfed me.
As soon as the sensations subsided, I felt guilty and ashamed. I knew that what I had done was terribly wrong, and I vowed that I'd never do it again. And I made a mental note to tell Cindy to keep the top of her bikini on.
When I passed by the window from which I'd watched them on my way downstairs, I looked out. Cindy was back beside the pool and she had the whole bikini on. Not that there was that much to it, but it was better than just the bottom. Gomez was no where in sight.
But the confusion I felt that day was nothing to what I felt two days later.
I knew I shouldn't have, but whenever Cindy went to the pool, I kept an eye on her. I told myself it was because I didn't want that sort of thing to happen again. This time, I thought to myself, I'll nip it in the bud.
I know what I really wanted. I wanted a repeat performance.
It's hard for me to admit that even now, but I did. I feel just awful about it, but I just can't remember when anything turned me on that much. And if the truth were known, I suppose that I wanted more than a repeat performance. But I refuse to let myself go that far. It's not only a matter of my inhibitions, it's a matter of common decency as far as I'm concerned.
Anyway, I was keeping an eye on Cindy because I knew she was at the pool.
About four o'clock, I saw Gomex talking to her. I secretly wished I could have microphones installed by the pool so I could eavesdrop.
After a few minutes, Gomez went around to the storage shed that is part of the pool house. I didn't get a good look at him when he came out, but I could tell that he was carrying something.
Cindy hadn't followed him this time. After he left, she walked to the back of the yard and went into a large wooded area that's part of the estate. I saw Gomez walk the length of the pool house and go into the same area.
I couldn't really understand what they were up to. I thought it was odd that Cindy wanted to go there to fuck when the pool house was really much more comfortable.
I resisted the idea at first, but after a few minutes I slipped on a pair of sneakers and followed them. I was feeling odd about doing it, but I know that I wanted to. This time I was as much curious about what they were doing as well as excited about it.
I went to the woods and entered them at what I thought was the same place they had. I couldn't hear a sound anywhere, and I hoped they weren't too close. I was sure that if they heard me, they'd stop whatever they were doing. And I thought I might have a hard time explaining my presence.
It must have been at least twenty five yards into the brush that I heard the first sounds. I heard a loud, high pitched whine and then a loud snap.
There was a low moan. I realized that I must be very close to them. I looked around, but I couldn't see anything. Then I heard the sound again and walked toward it. I was careful to make as little noise as humanly possible.
I moved around a big tree that was overgrown with vines and I saw them.
There was a small copse, and I saw Cynthia tied to a tree on the far side of it. Gomez had a long branch in his hand. As I watched, he brought his arm back over his shoulder and delivered a sharp blow to her side. He had left a few leaves at the end of the branch and it was these that I had heard whistling through the still air.
The entire scene shocked me. She was bound to the tree totally at his mercy. There was no telling what he might do to her. And every time he brought the switch down, it left a red welt on her body. I was appalled!
But I didn't make any move to stop it. I could tell that Cindy liked what he was doing. She winced when she felt the sting of the blow, but then a small smile would cross her lips.
I watched for about five or ten minutes as Gomez hit her again and again.
Then he moved in on her and pulled down his pants. I watched as he inserted his cock and started to hump away on her, then I left.
I felt differently as I watched this time. I wasn't so much excited by what I saw as curious about it. I wondered why being whipped like that turned Cindy on so much. I've heard about that sort of thing before, but I had never actually known anyone who was into it.
I guess my life has been a little sheltered in that respect. Mark is very ordinary sexually, but he's very good in bed, so I've never been bored with him. And I love him immensely, and that certainly helps.
So what do you think, Doctor? Is there any hope for Cindy?
CONCLUSION
I told Marie B. that I was happy she was able to get Cindy to see me. Even if she did have to be coerced into my office, I couldn't do anything without talking to her. And it was clear that she needed help.
I also assured Marie B. that she needn't worry too much about the excitement she felt at watching her daughter have sex with the gardener. Many parents are sexually curious about their children, but most of them repress what they feel. I'm of the opinion, however, that it is best to at least express some of that curiosity. While it would rarely take the form that Marie B. experienced, an atmosphere of candor, openness and sharing can accomplish the same end.
My appointment with Cindy wasn't until two days later, but I was already anxious to see her. I knew that she was going to be a most unusual patient.
CASE HISTORY THREE
SUBJECT: Cynthia B AGE: Fifteen
INTERVIEW ONE
Cynthia B. gave the impression of being a completely innocent prep school coed. She wore a pleated skirt, bobby socks with loafers and a soft cotton blouse. Her clothes were in good taste, and she wore them with flair.
She had her mother's shining auburn hair, and it was done in a chic page-boy style that allowed it to fall gently on her shoulders. Her figure was not fully developed yet, but the contours that would increase to form a striking beauty in a few years were evident.
I knew she was there against her will, but I found myself completely charmed as she sat before me with a pleasant expression on her face.
From what her mother had told me, I knew most of what was so beguiling about her was an act for my benefit. But it was a very good act. If this young woman could come to recognize the lack of wisdom in her present behavior, there was little question that she would go far in the world.
This is what she said that first day.
I know my mother has been here twice, Doctor, so I won't try to make you believe that I'm enjoying this or that I want to be here.
But since I have to, we might make it as pleasant for each other as we can.
I think we should have an agreement. I won't be nasty if you don't try to do a number on my head. I mean, I'm pretty happy with myself. As far as I'm concerned, it's the rest of the world that fucked up. Get them to come around, and I won't have any problems at all.
I can imagine what my mother's told you about me. She gave you a long song and dance about how I didn't want to do anything but fuck, right? And she thinks that's terrible because I'm only fifteen. I can understand how she feels because I know where she's coming from.
When she was my age, nobody did anything. I don't know how they managed, but I guess it really was that way. They really didn't know what they were missing. If they had, I'll bet things would be different.
Nobody's a virgin anymore. It just doesn't make any sense.
I mean, this idea of being a virgin when you get married is total and utter nonsense to me. What if you find out the guy has a two inch cock and comes in thirty seconds after he puts it in. Who wants to be tied down to that kind of a creep?
I know that a lot of women bitch about what lousy lovers their husbands arc, but they could have found that out before they got married. Then they wouldn't be stuck with two kids and a mortgage in suburbia and some weirdo who only wants to do it twice a year. I really think they've got no one to blame but themselves.
I know that mother probably went on and on about what I've been doing, but she really doesn't know the half of it. Hell, ever since I can remember, she's been saying "no" to me about sex. You know, every time she tries to make me stop, I just want to do more. You can chalk that up to defiant puberty if you want to, but I have no intention of changing my ways. I've done too much to turn back now.
One time when she was talking to me about it, I told her that I had had sex with our guard dog. She probably thought I was just trying to shock her or something. But let me tell you, that dog is really something!
You may think it's perverted to let a dog fuck you, and I did think it was a little odd the first time. But I couldn't help myself. I was sick and tired of my finger, and there was no one else available at the time.
I found the dog and took him to the pool house. God, if that pool house could talk, it would sure have some stories to tell. But I'll get to that later.
At first, I didn't have the faintest idea about how to turn a dog on. I let it sniff at my cunt, but that didn't do a whole lot for him. So I sat down beside him and wrapped my hand around that hairy sheath of his.
I rubbed my hand back and forth on it, then I wrapped my hand on it and jerked like you would with a boy. That did it. In no time, the pink tip was out of the sheath, and it was growing rapidly.
I had never seen a dog's cock before, and it really is a lot different that a man's. The head of it isn't rounded like a boy's cock. It sort of tapers toward the end. I couldn't even see a hole there, but there must be one for the come to get out.
When it was all the way out, I saw how big the thing was. I wasn't even sure I could take it at first. But then I've had a lot of things in my pussy, so I figured it wouldn't be a problem.
I got on my hands and knees. I figured that as long as I was making a dog fuck me, we should do it doggie style. Does that make sense to you? Well, it made sense to me at the time, but anyone else might find it a little weird.
I reached behind me and grabbed the dog by his cock. He seemed to get the idea as I moved him closer to me. He put his front paws on my back and I guided his cock to my cunt. He started thrusting with his hips when I put the end of it in me.
I pushed against it until the whole thing was in me, even the fat round knob at the end. God, it felt wonderful!
He humped and humped in me. I felt better and better. That thing really filled me and stretched my cunt to its limit. He wasn't really doing a lot for my clit, so I balanced myself with one hand on the floor and reached a finger into the top of my slit. I put my finger on my clit and rubbed it around. My cunt was really making a lot of juice, and it felt wonderful. I was so hot that I couldn't stand it.
The dog humped harder and harder. I knew he was going to come, and I wanted to come with him, so I ran my finger up and down my clit and pressed it into me.
I was right on the edge as the dog started to come. He hunched his cock deep into me and held it there. My cunt was so hot that that motion sent me over the top. Then I got the surprise of my life.
Dogs don't come like people! I could feel my pussy filling with the dog's slippery come, and I could feel the dog's cock throbbing inside me. The throbbing of it felt like there was a vibrator up there or something. It sent me into another powerful orgasm.
But the dog didn't stop coming into me! I thought it was going to end soon, but he just kept on coming and coming. I was delighted as hell when I found that out.
I pushed harder into the dog's hard cock and felt it quivering inside me. I went over the top again. My cunt was really filling up with that dog's come.
Then I had a succession of climaxes. I was gasping and panting with the pleasure I was getting from the dog's cock in me. Really, I couldn't believe how good it was. I felt my cunt twitching against the dog's cock, and I went over again. Shudders were going through my body, and I felt like I couldn't take any more. But the dog continued to come. I thought he'd never finish.
Then all of the sensations I was feeling sort of came together and I had a massive, mind-blowing orgasm. God, it was really something!
After that died down, I really couldn't take any more. I couldn't feel the dog's cock pulsing in my cunt any longer, so I moved forward and the thing slipped out. I looked at it and come was still dripping out of it, but I guess that was just the last few drops or something.
I noticed that dog come isn't white like a boy's. It's sort of clear looking. I sat down on the floor of the small room and spread my legs out. I could feel the stuff dripping out of me. I wanted to see it better, so I spread my legs as far apart as I could. Then I parted the lips of my cunt with my fingers and bent over to look at it. I'm pretty limber, so I was able to see most of it. Hell, I can almost eat myself out, but it's going to take a few more years of exercise until I can really do it. But I intend to keep practicing.
Anyway, I looked into my open pussy and saw that it was just full of the stuff. I suppose part of it was my own juices as well, but I think it always feel like I'm producing more fluid than I really am. I've looked at my cunt after a long session of fucking when it felt like it was really wet, but it never looked anything like this. It looked like there was a puddle in there!
Well. The only reason I'm telling you all this is so that you get an idea of what I'm really like. I'm sure you got a somewhat different impression from my mother. She thinks I'm some kind of a sex fiend or maniac. What would she think if she really knew all the details?
Well, in a way I really don't care. I'm the way I am and that's all there is to it. You can't change a sow's ear into a silk purse.
I think part of the reason for it is that I started so early. Mother got all upset one time when she found me playing with another little girl. We weren't doing anything really. I was just showing the girl how to put her finger on her clit. That isn't really so bad, is it? Hell, I thought I was doing the kid a favor. I certainly wish someone had told me about it earlier. I can remember getting strange feelings from down there from the time I was three or four.
But it wasn't until I was seven or eight that I found out that pressing on it made it feel even better. Then I finally found out that putting my finger in there really made it feel good.
Then there was the time that I got caught for organizing a game of "doctor." I couldn't see why everyone made such a big deal about that either. I mean, it wasn't like someone was going to get pregnant or something.
God! Parents would be doing their kids a favor if they encouraged them to play sex games rather than trying to stop them. The weirdos I know don't mind if their kids play cowboys and Indians or have imitation wars, but they get all up tight when the kid wants to touch someone else's cock or cunt.
That doesn't make any sense to me.
But I caught on to what the situation was. You had to make sure that the adults didn't catch you doing it. It still didn't make any sense to me, but I wanted to avoid trouble for myself, so I went along with it. Hell, they had to do it to get kids, didn't they? Now they got upset when they caught their kids doing it.
Anyway, I started getting more careful about my activities. If it was warm outside, I'd take my friends out behind the back lawn to the trees and we'd do it there. That was always kind of fun. I still like to do things out there.
And whenever I was at someone else's house, I'd be real careful to make sure no one else was around. If there were several of us, we'd take turns being the guard for the others. That way we almost never had a problem. And if the adults didn't know what we were doing, there wasn't any hassle. It worked out much better all the way around. We got what we wanted, and they got what they wanted. We wanted sex, and they wanted ignorance. So be it.
I'll never forget when I found out about boys being able to come. I knew that something came out of the boy's cock to make a baby, but mother always described it as a "seed." In my mind, I pictured something like a nasturtium seed dropping out of his cock into a cunt. I always wondered why it wouldn't just fall out instead of making a baby, but I was still ignorant about a lot of the details then.
Well, I must have been about eleven or twelve. One of the boys that I'd played games with for years told me that he was able to "jack off." I didn't know what it meant really, but I knew it had something to do with sex, so I wanted to find out about it. I invited him over right away.
We went out to the woods together, and asked him about it. He pulled out his cock and started to pump on it. I always used to just run my hand over his cock when we played games, and he always said that it felt real good. I was interested in this new technique. I asked him if I could do it to him.
He readily agreed and I wrapped my hand around it and did the same thing that he had done. It felt good to have that hard thing in my hand. It seemed awfully big to me at the time, but I guess that was because his cock had finished growing and his body hadn't. It looked big in comparison.
But I do remember getting excited by the whole thing. As I pumped away on it, the head of it got darker and darker. The whole thing seemed to swell even more and get harder. Then he told me he was ready to "come." I didn't even know there was such a thing then.
He stopped the motion of my hand with his and held his cock there. As I watched it, it gave a jerk and a big glob of white stuff came out of it. It shot out of the hole at the end and landed on the ground about three feet away. Then his cock jerked again and there was another spurt, but this one didn't go as far as the first one. He continued to squirt out the stuff, and it dribbled down over our hands.
It felt all hot and sticky, and I liked it right away. I rubbed it between my fingers and marveled at how slippery it was. Then I tasted it. It tasted kind of salty and sweet at the same time. I liked it right away.
He told me that that was the stuff that made babies. That gave me a clearer picture of what was going on, and I began to understand it a little.
All that night, I kept thinking about it. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted a boy to "jack off" in my cunt. I had had cocks inside me before because we all knew that that's where they were supposed to go. But that was about all we did with them. A boy would push it in, we'd stand there for a few minutes and then he would pull it out. We didn't know about the rest.
And I wanted to have a boy "come" in my mouth. I wanted to see what a lot of the stuff would taste like, and I wanted to see what a cock felt like as it actually shot the stuff. I couldn't wait.
I saw the same boy at his house the next day. His parents were away, and their housekeeper was really lazy. She never checked on us.
We went up to his room and started to do it. I sucked on it first. I've always liked the smoothness of the head of a cock in my mouth. But we were really ignorant.
I mean, my idea of sucking on a cock then was to put the head of it into my mouth and hold it there. Sometimes I ran my tongue around it, but that was about it. He didn't know what to do either.
Since nothing seemed to be happening, he thought we should put it in my pussy. I stood up and he pushed it in. We didn't know what to do then either.You'd have thought that the sensation of pushing it in would have given us a clue, but it didn't. It would have been a lot better if we had known more.
At any rate, he pulled it out and we put our hands on it and started pumping. Just as it had the day before, the thing got all dark purplish and he was breathing hard. He said it was about to "come" then, so I put my cunt to it and he shoved it in just as the first shot spurted out.
His come really made the walls of my cunt slippery and it sank right into me. I could feel it contract as he came, and I liked the feel of it. But I thought that was the way you always did it.
The whole thing seemed a little odd to me, and I was a little disappointed because my finger on my clit made me feel a lot better than this did. At the time I thought that if this was "fucking," I'd take my finger any day of the week.
But still I liked the contact of the boy inside me. I wanted to learn more about it, and I made sure that I did.
The next weekend, I was supposed to go on a field trip in my science class at school. Well, they never pay very close attention to attendance on those things since they're more or less voluntary.
So I had Lenny, our chauffeur, drop me off in Union City, and I told him to pick me up that afternoon. I wasn't sure how I was going to go about it, but I was determined to find a man and learn what this "fucking" business was all about. I knew that if adults were so adamant about not wanting me to do it, there must be something to it.
I looked at people on the street and I thought about just 'going up to one of them and asking him to do it. But I knew it was something people didn't talk about, so I decided that wouldn't be appropriate. I think I must have walked around for hours. I just couldn't think of a way to do it.
From the impressions I had gotten up to that point, I thought that men always wanted to do it, but that women didn't. So it was a little hard for me to figure out why all those men were just walking by me without saying anything. But then I guess there was no way for them to know what I wanted.
Finally I walked into a gas station. There was a fat older man sitting behind a messy desk, and kind of a nice looking man outside pumping gas. He was probably about twenty, I guess, but that really looked mature to me at the time. He was tall and had dark hair with a thick moustache. He was handsome--in a cheap sort of way.
I walked out of the office without saying anything to the man behind the desk and waited for the other one to finish what he was doing. I didn't know if I had the courage to do it, but I wanted to ask directions as to where I could find a place to get fucked. And you always got directions at a gas station, right?
It didn't make any sense, but I was ready to try anything by that time. I had actually gotten aroused by all the thinking I had done about it. That seemed a little odd at the time, but I didn't question it too much then.
When the man was finished, I stopped him as he was going back to the office.
"Pardon me, sir," I said, "but I'd like to ask you a question."
"What is it?" he asked. He didn't seem too friendly.
"It's kind of personal," I said.
"Look, little girl, I've got work to do, so get on with it."
"Well, I'm looking for a place to get fucked. Can you tell me where I might find one?" I asked.
"Are you for real?"
"Yes," I said. "I really want to find someone to fuck me."
"Do you even know what it means?" he asked.
"I think so," I told him. "It's when a boy puts his cock up my cunt."
"You got the right idea ... You ever done it before?"
"Well, I've had cocks in my cunt, but I'm not sure about the 'fucking' part," I told him.
"Come around to the back, and I'll find out if you know what you're talking about," he said.
The man went inside and got a key that was attached to a heavy metal ring. He went around to the side of the building, and I followed him. He opened the door to the men's room and went in.
I thought he was going in there to take a piss or something so I waited outside. But he didn't close the door after him, and he was just standing there looking at me. I can't believe how dumb I was then!
"You going to come in here or not?" he asked me. It sounded like he was a little angry or something. I think he must have been impatient with my ignorance.
I walked into the little room and he closed the door. It was kind of dark inside and the place really reeked of piss. I wasn't sure then that I really wanted to go through with it, but I had gone that far, so I figured I should stick around and find out what would happen.
Almost as soon as the door was closed, the man pulled down the greasy green pants he was wearing. He had a nice looking cock. It was flaccid, I remember, and it had a long foreskin over the head of it. That was a little new to me since all the little boys I had played with had been circumcised. At that time, however, I didn't know too much about things like that. I just thought he had a rather unusual cock.
I didn't really know what I was supposed to do, but I knew I should do something with his cock. I put my hand on it and felt it. It felt nice even though it was soft, and I ran my hand all over it and around his balls. Those were bigger than I had ever touched before, and the feel of the wrinkled sack excited me.
Then I remembered what my little friend had shown me about "jacking off." I knew that the man's cock had to get hard before it would go into me. I had tried enough times in the past to stuff soft cocks in my pussy, and it never worked.
I closed my hand around his cock and pulled it back. I remember I was really surprised when the skin moved back from the head of his cock, and I saw that the head of it was like all the other cocks I had seen. He wasn't so different after all!
I moved my hand forward and pulled the skin over the head. Then I started pumping it. I could feel it start to grow in my hand.
"You got the right idea, kid," he told me. I was really glad I was doing the right thing to him. It made me happy that I was making a man hard. I had always liked it in my games when a boy started out soft and got hard. And I remember that I was always disappointed when that didn't happen.
After I worked on him for a few minutes, his prick was stiff. I couldn't get over the size of it. It was bigger than anything I had ever seen before. I wasn't sure it would fit in my cunt, but I wanted to give it a try
But first, I wanted to taste it. I leaned over and put the head of it in my mouth. As I did that, I pulled the skin all the way back with my hand. The head of his cock was all smooth and nice, and it had sort of a pungent taste to it. And I liked the sweaty, musky smell of him.
I held my mouth on him just like I had on lots of other little boys. After a minute or two, he put his big hand to the back of my head and pulled me into him. I was a little scared at first, because I didn't know what he was doing. Then I felt the head of his cock slide to the back of my mouth. I held it there.
He put his other hand on my head and pulled me back so that his cock was almost out of my mouth. Then he pushed it back in again.
I don't know why I had never thought of doing it that way, but I hadn't.
As soon as I got the drift of what he wanted me to do, I did it myself. It was a lot better than just holding the head of it in my mouth.
"Now you're getting the idea, little lady," he said.
God! It made me so happy and excited that I was doing the right thing to him!
"Just keep sucking on that cock," he said.
I sucked on it as hard as I could. I kept a firm grip on the base of it with my hand and moved my mouth back and forth on it. Every once in a while, I felt it give a little jerk in my mouth.
I was getting hot doing that to him, and I couldn't resist the idea of putting my hand on my cunt. So I pulled up my skirt with my other hand and put my hand under my panties. I had felt my juices oozing out earlier, and my cunt was all warm and moist as I slipped my finger into the top of my slit. I pressed it hard against my clit. That really felt nice.
"So you want this big dick up your cunt?" he asked.
I pulled my head off his cock and stood up. "Yes," I said. "I want you to fuck me." He reached down and pushed down my panties. When they got to my feet, I stepped out of them. I held my dress up around my waist, and he put his hand over my mound. I started to pump on his cock again.
He rubbed his palm all around my smooth pussy. Hell, I didn't even have any pubic hair then, just some fuzz that was beginning to get a little dark.
Then he stuck his finger in. He ran it to the bottom of my slit then to the top. When I felt it press against my clit, I gave a little sigh.
"You like that, don't you, little girl?" he asked.
"Yes, sir, I do," I told him.
"Then how would you like my fat cock in that hole?"
"I think I'd like that a lot."
I was still a little afraid that the thing wouldn't fit up there, but I wanted to try it just the same.
He took his finger out of me and sort of bent at the knees so that his cock was low enough. He moved in closer to me and centered it on my pussy.
Then he thrust his hips forward a bit, and the head went into me. There was a rush of excitement through me as I felt it go in.
He pushed more of it in, and I felt it stretching the walls of my cunt.
I was already pretty wet, but I felt more and more juices flow as he pushed into me. It felt good to be really filled like that! He gave a final shove, and the thing sank all the way in me. I could feel it nestled in the back of my cunt. At the time, I thought that was going to be it.
It felt really nice to have him inside me, but I really wanted more. I was really excited, and I thought about putting my finger on my clit and rubbing it while he had his cock up me.
Then he pulled back and pushed it into me again. I felt a wave of pleasure go through me. I thought he was just trying to get it in deeper.
He pulled it almost all the way out and shoved into me again. I really liked that and I thought about telling him to do it again
But I didn't need to say anything. He started a series of rhythmic movements in and out of me. Finally, it dawned on me that this is what's supposed to happen. It was the same thing I had realized when he pushed my mouth back and forth over his cock. This was what "fucking" was all about.
I could feel my clit being moved around by what he was doing, and I got more and more excited. My cunt was secreting more and more juice. As it got slicker, he started to go faster.
I was getting hotter and hotter as he went at me. The pleasure of it was greater than anything I had ever done before. I started to moan.
"You like this big dick fucking you, don't you?" he said.
"Yes ... yes ... yes, I like it," I said. I was practically gasping as I said it.
He went at me faster and harder. I couldn't believe it, but the harder he thrust the thing in, the better it made me feel. He was plunging into me with such force that I thought it should be painful, but it wasn't. It was wonderful!
Then I felt an exquisite pleasure fill me. I didn't know exactly what was happening, but it felt so good that I never wanted it to stop. And the more he pummeled me, the better it got.
I was panting and gasping for breath with the pleasure I was feeling. Then I had to close my eyes with the thrill of it all. As he plunged his cock deep within me, I was totally swept away. I completely forgot about where I was, and I could no longer smell the stench of the room.
Then there was a white flash and a shudder went through my body. I clenched my teeth and let it take me. I felt my cunt go into a spasm around his thrusting cock.
I had never felt anything like that in my life! It was sensational.
I was aware of him breathing heavily as he rammed his cock into my wet cunt, but almost everything else was blotted out by the ecstasy that consumed me.
Then he let out a gasp and shoved hard into me. He took two more quick plunges and held his cock all the way into me. Then his hips jerked and I felt a new warmth in my cunt. That sent me over the top again.
I realized that he was shooting the same stuff into me that I had seen come out of my playmate's cock.
His hips pounded against me with every squirt of it, and I was in heaven.
After a long moment, he stopped jerking, and my senses came back to me. I opened my eyes and looked at him. His face was all covered with sweat as he held his cock in me. Then he let out a long breath and pulled his cock out of me.
I looked down at it, and it was all wet and glistening. There was a big drop of white stuff oozing out of the hole at the end of his cock. His prick was still big, but it wasn't as stiff as it had been.
He reached down and ran his finger along the underside of his cock. Another big glob of the white stuff came out. I enjoyed what I had done, and I wanted to do more of it.
"You're some piece," he said to me after he buttoned his pants and I had put my panties back on. I was happy to hear it.
"Thank you, sir," I said as he opened the door.
I felt a little funny about it, but I just walked away from him when we got outside. For the rest of the afternoon, I just walked around thinking about it. I couldn't wait to teach everyone I knew about how to really "fuck."
Well, Doctor, that's the way I got started. I'll tell you more about some of the things I've done since then next time.
INTERVIEW TWO
From what Cynthia B. told me during the first session, it was clear that she was a girl who enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh.
There's certainly nothing wrong with that, but I was concerned about the way she was pursuing that pleasure. It seemed to me that she was seeking pleasure as the primary goal in her life. She was defining herself as a person through her sexuality, and that can never be enough to give a person a complete identity. It might work well for a few years, but, in the long run, Cynthia was headed for major trouble.
If she had nothing else to sustain her, Cynthia would eventually discover that the pursuit of pleasure to the exclusion of all else would make her life pointless and empty. She would then cease to enjoy even that, and her life would be devoid of all meaning. There is little doubt that her personality would disintegrate at that time.
What she told me during our second session confirmed my suspicious.
Well, Doctor, here we are again. Now that you're totally convinced that I'm a crazy, let me add the finishing touch.
Mother had a little talk with me this week about what I was doing with Gomez. He's our yard man, and I think he's kind of sexy.
She didn't think I saw her watching us a couple of weeks ago, but I did. And I know she got turned on watching us. She doesn't like to admit it, but she's really pretty randy herself. There are a lot of things she'd like to do, but she's too inhibited to let herself do them.
Well, I'm sort of into making Gomez do strange things to me. I don't know what it is, exactly, but I get a kick out of it.
Maybe it's because he's one of the servants or something. I don't think I'd like to do some of the things I do with him with a regular boy. And I sort of get off on the fact that doing it makes him a little nervous.
Anyway, I was lying beside the pool and I heard him doing something on the patio. I looked over at him and saw that he was really sweaty. It was a hot day, and he really works hard.
I called him over to me. He looked around to see if Mother was around before he came to me. I was feeling horny and I like his cock better than my vibrator.
"Si, Missy?" he asked as he stood over me.
I didn't look up to his face. I kept my eyes on the bulge in his jeans that his cock made. Even though he was soft, I could see how it snaked down his leg.
"Gomez, I want you to meet me in the pool house in a few minutes," I said.
"But, Missy ... so much work ... "
"You can do that later," I told him.
"Si, Missy," he said with a resigned air. He understands English fairly well, but he still doesn't speak it very well.
He went back to the patio and continued what he was doing, but he looked over at me every few minutes to see if I had gone to the pool house yet.
I could see in his eyes how nervous he was. And I was thinking about what he had done to me that time in the woods. He was really nervous that day. I guess he's terrified that someone will catch him, and he'll lose his job or something.
The longer I waited, the edgier he got. I know that it was a little bit cruel, but I liked making him sweat like that. I suppose I shouldn't put him through that sort of thing, but I really wanted to think of something different for him to do.
Finally I went to the dressing room in the pool house. As soon as he got there, I told him to go get some rope from the room where all the gardening stuff is stored. He got a nervous look on his face, but he got it.
He knows by now what I want him to do when I ask for the rope. While he was gone, I pulled the long wooden bench away from the wall and put it in the center of the room. Then I took off my bikini and lay across it. I made sure my ass was high in the air. He wouldn't like doing it, but he'd know what I wanted.
When he came back, he put the rope on the floor. He hesitated a second, then he knelt on the floor beside me.
He raised his arm and held it in the air for a moment. Then he brought his hand down on my ass.
There was a resounding slap as his hand connected with my bare skin. He paused for a moment when he heard it. I guess he thought someone else might hear it and try to investigate.
"Again, Gomez," I said.
He hit me again. I could feel my ass getting all nice and warm from that second slap. There was a twinge in my pussy.
"Harder, Gomez," I coaxed him.
He hit me really hard the next time. I could really feel the force of the blow and I liked the way it felt. The juices started to flow in my pussy.
He went on spanking me like that until my ass was all red and tender. I was in an exquisite agony from it. In a way, I didn't want him to stop, but I knew he was getting so nervous about it that he might not be able to fuck. That's happened a few times in the past, and you can imagine how I feel about it. Needless to say, it's hardly a situation I like to find myself in.
"Tie me to the bench, Gomez," I said.
I turned over and stretched out on my back along the bench. I put my feet over the sides so that my pussy would really be exposed. I really feel vulnerable in that position, and it sent a chill up my spine as I got into it.
Gomez got the rope and looped it around my neck. Then he put it around my waist and tied it tightly. I knew that I could get away if I wanted to, but I like the idea that being tied there gives me. I felt like I was completely at his mercy. In reality, of course, it was the other way around.
"Go to work on my cunt," I ordered him.
Gomez ran his hands over my body. He rubbed his palms over my tits, then he moved both hands to my cunt. He ran his fingers through my pubic hairs and tugged at them. I was getting aroused by what he was doing, and I wanted more, so I thrust my hips up.
He put his fingers into my slit and ran them back and forth. That felt really good. He moved his finger to the top of my pussy and probed for my clit. When he found it, he swirled his finger around it. Now I was really getting hot and wet.
"Now, Gomez," I said. "Now put your mouth to it."
I've found that a lot of Latins don't really like to eat out a cunt, and Gomez is one of them. I guess they're inhibited or something, or they think it's dirty. Of course, knowing that Gomez doesn't like to do just makes it more fun for me.
I felt his hot breath on my pubic hairs, so I rolled my head back and closed my eyes. I didn't want anything to interfere with what he was going to do to my cunt. Even though he doesn't like it, he's gotten pretty good at it.
He put his mouth on my slit and stuck his tongue into me. He licked all up and down me with his tongue. Then he parted the outer lips with his fingers and pressed his mouth into me.
He found my clit with his tongue and went back and forth with it. That sent waves of pleasure through me. I let out a moan as he lapped away.
He went faster and faster, and I was getting hotter and hotter. I felt like I was going to start coming if he kept it up much longer, and I didn't want to do that just then.
"Stand up, Gomez," I told him.
He stood up and looked down at me. His lower lip and his moustache were all wet with the fluids of my cunt. The sight of him like that turned me on even more.
"Now take down your pants, Gomez."
He unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down. I told him a long time ago to stop wearing underwear. I got tired of the hassle it caused in getting his cock out.
I watched as his cock flopped out. It wasn't even beginning to get hard.
"Now piss on me, Gomez."
"Missy . ... I ... I," he stammered.
"Don't talk, just do it," I said.
He moved closer to the bench so that his cock was hanging over my tummy. He gave the head of it a tweak. After a long moment, there was a dribble out of it. It stopped for an instant, then a strong stream started to come.
"Get it all over me, Gomez," I told him.
He moved his cock so that his piss splashed onto my cunt. I liked the warmth of it hitting me there.
Then he moved it slowly up my body. He let the heavy stream of yellow liquid splatter on each of my tits, then he moved it to my neck.
"Higher, Gomez," I urged.
Finally, he brought it to my mouth, and I drank a few quick swallows. I felt completely degraded and humiliated. A human toilet drinking a wetback's piss. It sent a thrill through me.
The stream got weaker, slowed to a trickle and stopped.
"Now bring it to my mouth," I said.
Gomez bent at the knees so that his cock dangled right at my mouth. I licked over the thick foreskin that covered the head. Then I poked my tongue under the skin and ran it around the head. It had a pungent taste to it.
I felt his cock start to grow as I licked on it, so I took the whole head in my mouth. I'm into guys getting hard in my mouth. And that's one thing that works almost every time.
I sucked on the head of his cock as hard as I could. As it got harder, I took more of it into my mouth. I moved my mouth back and forth over it. After a few minutes, he was completely hard.
"Untie me, Gomez," I said.
He pulled his cock out of my mouth a little reluctantly and removed the ropes. Then he stood up. I lay there for a moment looking at his stiff prick jutting out from his thick mat of curly black pubic hairs.
I leaned under him and put my lips to his balls. I ran my tongue over them until they were wet with saliva. Then I took the wrinkled sack into my mouth and moved his balls around with my tongue.
All of a sudden, the door to the room burst open. Gomez jumped away from me, and I looked to see who it was.
"I simply will not tolerate this any longer!" my mother yelled.
I hadn't seen her watching, but I guess she was. She looked angry, but there was an intensity about the way she was looking at us that was odd.
"What you're doing is disgusting, Cynthia, and I won't have it in my house. I simply won't!" she screamed.
"How long have you been watching, Mother?" I asked.
"I saw everything you did, and it made me sick," she said.
Now, I'm not exactly a dummy, Doctor. If it made her so sick, why had she stood there all that time watching us? "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much," I thought.
"What took you so long to break it up?" I asked her.
"I ... I ... Well, I just wanted to see how far you'd go," she said.
"That's not good enough," I told her.
I got up and went over to her. Without saying a word, I unbuttoned her blouse and unhooked her bra. I pushed the blouse over her shoulders as she looked at me wide-eyed.
"Cynthia, what on earth do you think you're doing?" she gasped.
"I'm just doing what you're too inhibited to do," I said.
"I want you to stop it this instant!"
When the blouse was off, I went for the skirt she was wearing. I unfastened it and it dropped to the floor. Gomez just stood there and watched.
Then I slipped my hand under the elastic waistband of her panties and rubbed it over her mound. It felt warm and moist. Now I knew that watching that scene had really turned her on.
"This ... this . ... We can't do this," she stuttered.
"We can, and we will . ... You're free to leave if you want to," I told her.
As I said it, I poked my index finger into the top of her slit and twirled it around. It was wet and slick inside, and I found her clit and pressed it. I knew she wouldn't be able to stop now.
I took my finger out and pulled her panties down. She stepped out of them when they reached the floor and kicked off her shoes. I knew she wanted it, wanted it bad.
I got down on my knees in front of her and started to lick at her pussy. She let out a moan when I swirled my tongue around her clit. I had imagined what it would be like to do something with her in the past, but I never thought I'd be able to manage it. I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted it to be a regular thing, but I wanted to try it at least once.
Gomez moved closer to us, and I grabbed his hard cock. I pulled my hand back to the base of it, and then I ran it forward, pulling the foreskin over the head. I didn't really have a scenario for what was going to happen, but I sure as hell liked what I was doing.
"Why don't you get down here on the floor?" I asked my mother when I stopped lapping at her cunt.
She sat down next to me, and I reached for her nipples. I squeezed them between my thumb and index finger and pulled at them. They were erect, and I could tell that she liked it. There was a look both of excitement and disbelief in her eyes.
"Get on your hands and knees," I told her. It felt odd telling my mother to do things, but I figured I should be the leader in this situation.
She complied, and I pulled Gomez to his knees with his cock. He knew what I wanted him to do and moved so that he was between her legs. He put his hand through her legs to her pussy and tested it for moisture. It must have felt all right to him, because he scrunched up to her ass right away and poised his cock on her hole.
He gave a shove and part of it went in. Then Mother shoved her hips into it.
Gomez grabbed her at the waist and started thrusting. At the same time, I moved so that my cunt was right beside his face. He knew what I wanted him to do.
He bent his head so that his mouth was at the top of my slit. He darted in his tongue and found my clit with it. I let out a sigh as he went to work on it.
Gomez went faster and faster into my mother as he gave my clit a real tongue lashing. I could hear Mother moan as he pummeled his cock into her pussy.
He swirled his tongue around and around my clit. My juices were really flowing, and he was making a slurping sound as he went at me. It seemed like he was actually enjoying eating out my cunt now that he had his hard cock jammed up my mother's cunt.
I was getting higher and higher as he lapped away. I didn't want to come until my mother did, but I couldn't resist the urgency that his tongue was producing in me. I was at a high plateau, and he was pushing me closer and closer to the edge.
Gomez took his mouth away from my cunt for a minute and reached up to fondle my mother's lovely breasts as he plunged into her. She was bucking her hips into every powerful thrust he made.
That gave me the break I was looking for. Gomez came back to my cunt after a few minutes, and started lapping again. Now I had the time I needed.
As his tongue started to take me up again, I watched him pounding away at Mother. It was a hot scene, and I enjoyed watching it.
After about ten minutes, I heard Mother start to gasp and pant. A spasm passed through her body. I was just on the edge myself, and I let myself go over when I knew she was coming. A shudder went through me as the full force of it hit me.
Gomez pushed his mouth hard against my cunt and kept up his licking. At the same time, his whole body was tensed for his own climax.
I was still coming when he moved his mouth away from me and let out a gasp.
Then he pushed his cock into Mother and held it there as his hips twitched and his cock shot squirt after squirt into Mother.
I'm telling, you, Doctor, that was one of the best scenes I've ever had.
When we finished, Mother scrambled into her clothes as fast as she could and went into the house. She was a little shy around me the rest of the day, and we still haven't talked about it. But I think she'll come around. Hell, I wish that we could do something with Daddy.
You probably think I'm really perverted, Doctor, but I wouldn't mind that at all. People say you aren't supposed to do all these things, but I get nothing but pleasure out of it. And if they don't hurt anyone else, I can't for the life of me see why I shouldn't do it. Hell, sex is better than almost anything else on earth, and I want as much of it as I can get.
I know that I should want other things too, but right now I'm not interested in anything else. I wouldn't be surprised if that's true of most teenagers.
I am determined that I'm not going to screw up so much next year at school, and I think it will be a bit better than last year. Sophomores get a few more privileges, and I think I can manage to live within the system.
But I still wish they'd change the system itself. It doesn't make any sense to have all those restrictions. Mostly, they're designed so that you can't fuck. But there isn't a system in the world that I can't outwit on that score. Where there's a will, there's a way, as they say. And I do have the will.
Mother says I have to keep coming here all through summer vacation, Doctor, and I've found that I really don't mind so much.
And there's also the fact that afterwards I get to roam around Manhattan looking for sex. I think that's going to be fun. There are still a few things I need to learn, and if I can't learn them in New York, I can't learn them anywhere.
CONCLUSION
I feel that Cynthia will need prolonged therapy before she is able to put her sexual feelings into proper perspective.
She needs to develop a structure for her life. Her sexuality is certainly part of that structure, but it can't be the basis for it. She needs to develop definite goals for herself and achieve those goals.
One of the disturbing aspects of her personality is her apparent uninterest in maintaining any sort of relationship with a sexual partner. I don't feel that a relationship is always necessary for the enjoyment of sex, but I do feel that not trying to develop any relationships is unhealthy. Cynthia needs to find something outside herself, and this is one area in which she might do that.
I am pleased that she intends to try to live within the rules her boarding school has established. She needs to learn that she is part of the larger world. And part of that is coping with the restrictions society places on us. Man is a social animal and cannot exist solely for his own pleasures. At times, the needs and desires of the individual must be subordinated to the needs of the society as a whole.
I'm not sure it's possible for Cynthia to learn all this in one summer of therapy. But if she can at least grasp the basics, she will be on the road to a more satisfying and fulfilled life. That will at least be a step in the right direction.
I am somewhat concerned about the effects of her sexual activities on her mother, and told her to have Marie B. call my office. With luck, I trust there will be no lasting trauma.
CASE HISTORY FOUR
SUBJECT: Alice J. AGE: Seventeen
INTERVIEW ONE
Alice J. came to me in a high state of agitation. She was suffering the affects of acute anxiety and depression.
She came from an upper-middle-class family who lived in Great Neck, Long Island, a suburb about twenty miles from Manhattan. She was in her junior year of high school and was doing quite well. She planned to attend college after she graduated.
Alice was a pretty girl with long, straight blonde hair. She wore tight fitting blue jeans for her first visit and a white turtle neck sweater. She wore very little makeup, and the youthfulness of her face was apparent. She was on the slender side, but she had ample breasts which softened the effect of her thin body.
I soon found out what was causing her such anxiety.
Doctor, I'm really glad to see you. You can't imagine what I've been through this past week. I just haven't been able to concentrate on anything, and I've been miserable the whole time.
And there hasn't been a soul I could talk to about it. It's really just too embarrassing. I'm so glad that I can finally get some relief. I think I'd go stark raving mad if I couldn't tell someone about it. I hope you won't think that I'm just some hysterical female who's making a big deal out of something that isn't really that important.
Most of the problem centers on my boyfriend, Greg. I really like him a lot, but I can't abide some of the things he does.
I think I must be a little old fashioned or something, but he wants to do almost nothing but sex. I don't mind doing it once in a while, but that's all he wants to do. And he wants to do it all the time.
Don't you think there's something a little strange about that?
I certainly do. And some of the things he wants me to do are a little bizarre. I mean, I don't mind ordinary sucking and fucking, but he wants me to do things like stick my tongue up his ass-hole, and I absolutely refuse to do anything like that. The whole idea of it disgusts me.
He even suggested once that he'd like me to put something up his ass-hole. Now, Doctor, I think it's really perverse for a boy to want something like that done to him. I always thought that only gays wanted things like that done to them, but I guess that's not true.
I really do like him a lot, and I don't want to break up with him, but I don't know how I can tolerate any more of his crazy ideas.
Do you know what he did last weekend? That really shocked me, and I told him that if he ever did it again, I was through with him. And I mean it, Doctor, I really do. He went too far, and I won't put up with it any longer.
His parents were away for the weekend, and I told my folks that I was going to spend the night with a girlfriend. The girl I told them I was going to be staying with agreed to cover for me if my folks called or anything, but they never do, so I didn't think there would be any problem.
After dinner, I walked over to Greg's house. It isn't very far from ours.
I wasn't there for two minutes before he started to paw at me. I wanted to sit in front of the fireplace for while and talk. You know, cuddle up with each other for a while and that sort of thing.
But he didn't want to do anything romantic. He just wanted to get to the fucking part of it. Are all men like that? Sometimes, I wonder about it.
So I decided to let him. I thought maybe we could sit in front of the fire later.
So we went upstairs to his parents room and took our clothes off. Greg has a rather large cock, and it was already hard. I tell you doctor, there are times when I wish there was a pill that I could slip in his drink to make that thing stay soft for a while.
Anyway, we got on the bed and kissed for a while. I was starting to get excited. But right away, he wants to stick it in. I wasn't ready yet, and I told him so.
So he sucked on my nipples for a while, and finally they got hard. I could feel my fluids start to flow. At last I was getting aroused.
He couldn't wait any longer, so he got on top of me. He didn't even show any consideration when he put it in. He just rammed it all the way in. I had my legs around his hips, and he started thrusting away like mad. I mean, really hard.
I was starting to get hot then. My pussy got slicker and slicker and his cock felt better and better inside me. I like it when he makes me feel like that.
As he humped away, I went higher and higher. I could feel myself getting ready to come, and he was really pounding away at me.
Then you know what happened?
All of a sudden, there was a lot of loud clapping!
I looked around in absolute terror. There were two of his friends standing in the bedroom door watching us. Right away I pushed Gregg off me.
"What's the meaning of this," I asked.
"I thought we'd have a little party," Greg said.
"A party?" I shrieked. "Not with me, you aren't going to have a party!"
The nerve of it! He had that planned all along. They must have been hiding in the basement or something. I couldn't believe that he'd pull a stunt like that.
"Fuck you!" I said. "I'm getting the hell out of here."
"I don't think so, Alice," he said.
"You let me go, Greg," I told him. "You let me go this instant!"
"C'mon, Alice. You know Mark and John ... What's the problem?"
"The problem is that I don't want to do this," I told him.
"But you don't have any choice," he said. "There are three of us."
I looked over at Mark and John and they were taking there clothes off. Now I was really scared. I couldn't believe Greg was pulling a stunt like this. He'd tried a lot of weird things in the past, but nothing this far out. I was petrified.
When they were naked, they came over to the bed. Greg had his arms around me. I tried to wriggle free, but I couldn't. The nerve of it, I thought.
All at once, there were hands all over me. Around my tits and around my legs. There wasn't a damn thing in the whole world I could do about it, so I stopped trying. They had me wedged in solid.
I really felt like I was being used, Doctor. Used and abused. They weren't showing the least bit of consideration for what I was feeling. The three of them were pawing me all over and not giving the smallest through to what I might be feeling.
Then they turned me around on the bed so that I was lying on my side. Mark lay down in front of me and stuck his cock right into my slit. I was glad that I was still wet from Greg's fucking. At least it didn't hurt when he pushed it in.
Then Greg got on his knees in front of my head. His cock was sticking in my face and I could see a bead of moisture on the hole at the end of it.
He pulled my head up and forced that big prick of his into my mouth. I decided the best thing to do was to suck on it, so I did. Hell, if I got them off, this horrible thing would end and I could get out of there.
That was really all I wanted at the time.
There was some movement behind me, and then I felt a greasy finger on my ass-hole. That really upset me. Greg had tried to fuck me there once before, and it hurt so much that I couldn't stand it. I hoped that John's cock was smaller than Greg's if he was going to do that sort of thing.
Then I felt the head of his cock on my ass-hole. It felt narrower than Greg's thick dong, and I was grateful for that. John pushed the head of it in, and it hurt even though it wasn't as big as Greg's.
He kept going until it was all the way in. Then he pulled it out and gave another push with it. After a few more shoves, it didn't hurt so much anymore.
At the same time, Mark was jamming his cock into my cunt and I was sucking on Greg's fat prick.
All I wanted them to do was come so that it would be over. I sucked on Greg as hard and as fast as I could. I took his cock as far into my mouth as I could, then I pulled my mouth back to the head of it and went down the shaft again. I could only go about halfway down it. I haven't been able to learn how to relax my throat muscles yet so that I can take all of a huge cock in me, but I want to learn how to do it someday.
Mark was lunging in and out of my pussy, and I felt it getting wetter as he plowed into me. I didn't want to get excited by the way they were mistreating me, but I thought my pussy could use some extra juice.
There was hardly any pain now as John went in and out of it. He was making steady, rhythmic thrusts, and my ass-hole was actually starting to feel good. It was all full and stretched by what he was doing.
As I was sucking Greg's cock, I put my hand under his balls and held them. I felt them shrink up into his wrinkly sack. That always means that he's getting really excited, and I like it when he does that.
I lingered on the head of his cock on every stroke now. I licked my tongue all over it and around to the underside of it. I took my mouth completely off his cock and held it up across his belly. Then I took my tongue and flicked it back and forth over the place where the rim of the head meets the hole in the top.
I worked on his cock like that for a while, then I tongued all the way down the tube on the underside of it until I got to his balls. I put the whole sack in my mouth and flipped my tongue on it. I could feel the two huge balls bouncing around in there. Greg gave a moan as I did it. I hoped he was getting close to coming.
Mark was going at my cunt as fast as he could. I thought my pussy might be really stretched out of shape by what he was doing. But it was making me feel better and better. There was more than enough juice in my pussy now to accommodate him.
And the cock in my ass-hole was starting to feel good. John was ramming it in, back and forth, in and out, faster and harder.
To my surprise, what he was doing was making my juicy pussy feel hotter and wetter. I was beginning to like the way every orifice was jammed full of throbbing cock.
Well, Doctor, I guess I shouldn't have said full of cock, because my mouth was still stuffed with Greg's balls. But that's sort of a technicality, don't you think?
I didn't like the idea that I was getting so hot from what they were doing. I mean, there I was being raped, actually, and in every possible place. But I couldn't help what my body was feeling.
I kept going higher, and I started to float with it. It was nice being so taken in that way, but I certainly wouldn't admit that to any of them.
I moved my mouth off Greg's balls and licked my way to the top of his cock again. I put the head in my mouth and rotated my head around it. I've always liked the way the head of a cock feels all smooth in my mouth. And I was getting to the point that I wanted to taste his come in my mouth. That's another thing I like.
Mark was panting now as he drove into my pussy. It felt so good that I wanted to cry out, but that's a little difficult when your mouth is full with a throbbing member. And mine certainly was!
At the same time, John was filling my ass-hole with his cock. My sphincter had relaxed against the long intruder, and it seemed to me that every stroke he made sent my poor pussy a little higher. And I could feel the two cocks colliding inside me through the thin membrane that separates my cunt from my rectum.
Mark and John were giving me a myriad of wonderful sensations. The pleasure I was feeling ebbed and flowed through my body. From my juicy pussy to my hard nipples, from my stretched ass-hole to my full mouth.
I felt myself right on the edge of an orgasm, and I wanted to stay there as long as I could. It was an exquisite feeling, one that filled me with delight.
But as I sucked furiously on Greg's cock, and as Mark pummeled away at my cunt and John lunged into my ass-hole, I felt myself being pushed over the top. I was delirious with the pleasure I felt. It was divine!
The first orgasm hit me with a blinding flash. I made a gurgle with Greg's cock in my mouth as it passed through me.
But the thrusting didn't stop. It just got faster and harder. I went wild with my passion. It was all I could do to keep sucking on Greg's cock, but I did.
My climaxes started coming one after the other. Shudders rippled up and down my body. My cunt went into a spasm and seemed to grip Mark's cock. What Joy!
They were all panting now as they got close to coming. I wanted to taste Greg's come in my mouth now, I wanted Mark's hot cream in my pulsing pussy and I wanted John's slippery jism in the dark interior of my rectum.
I was totally consumed by the passion that held me in its grip. As soon as one climax died down, another took its place. They started to come even faster, one powerful orgasm taking hold of me even before the last had left. It was wonderful!
Gregg reared his head back and let out a shout. I was too far gone to make out what it was. Then his cock throbbed in my hot mouth, and I felt the first powerful burst of white cream on my tongue. I rammed his cock all the way in as he came. He shot load after load of the sticky stuff into my mouth. I swallowed it as fast as I could, but I could feel a little of it dribbling out of the comers of my mouth.
Mark and John were about ready to come as well. I could only hear them intermittently through the strong series of climaxes I was having. But I could tell from the feelings coming from my twitching pussy that Mark was on the brink.
I heard him let out a long gasp, and I felt his cock swell inside me as he thrust it deep within me. Then his whole body went rigid as he shot wad after wad of hot jism in my pussy. That set off another powerful orgasm in me.
All of a sudden, John groaned and held me tightly. He made a last powerful lunge in me and his hips started to spasm as he came. His hot come coursed up my ass-hole.
All the climaxes I'd had seemed to gather within me then as I rolled the last of Greg's come on my tongue. Then it burst on me like a rocket going off.
I gave a long moan as shudders rippled through me and my cunt went into a violent spasm around the cock that was still in me.
Gradually, that last shattering orgasm faded and I came back to reality.
Greg was resting in front of me on the bed. John slowly withdrew his cock from my ass-hole, and Mark eased out of my cunt. There was come in every orifice.
We all lay there quietly for a few minutes. I couldn't believe what had happened to. And I couldn't believe the situation I was in. It was humiliating, Doctor. I felt used and degraded.
But that wasn't the end of it, Doctor.
I thought that once they'd all come, they'd leave me alone . Was I ever wrong!
After a few minutes, they all went downstairs for a beer. They didn't even bother to invite me. The worst thing was that they took my clothes with them and locked the door when they left. I was a prisoner there, and they could do with me what they wished. I sat there alone and started to cry.
You can imagine how I felt, Doctor. My boyfriend had gotten me into this situation and he was aiding and abetting the others. I could imagine them downstairs talking about all the horrible things they were going to do to me. It was awful.
It was bad enough that Greg didn't want to do anything but fuck, but to have three of them together like that was really too much for me. They were acting like a bunch of sex crazed maniacs, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I thought about going out the window or something, but with no clothes, that was a little out of the question. After all, even if I could make it home, what would I say to my parents? I certainly didn't want them to know what had happened to me.
All sorts of things started going through my head as I waited for them to come back. I was afraid that they might try to hurt me or something. I've read about people who are into that sort of thing, and I think it's really weird. I can't imagine what they get out of that sort of thing. I hoped that it wasn't going to happen to me.
They were gone for about an hour, and I was hoping that the beer wouldn't make them too crazy. If they got really drunk, there was no telling what they would do. And when Greg has been drinking, it takes him forever to come. Sometimes I sort of like that, but I didn't think I'd like it if all three of them were that way. And since they had already come once, they'd be able to last quite a while as it was.
When they unlocked the door, they were laughing. I couldn't tell what it was about, but I did hear the word "slut." They had to be referring to me, I knew that. And I couldn't believe that Greg would allow that kind of talk. We've been going together for almost a year, and I thought he really liked me. At least he seemed to, but now I was beginning to have my doubts. I couldn't understand how he was letting this happen to me. It was positively inhuman!
They were still naked, so I knew that they had something in mind. Now, Doctor, don't you think it's a little unusual for three boys to sit around for an hour drinking beer with no clothes on? There had to be something wrong with them.
But there was no time for me to worry about that then. They all had beer cans in their hands, and they sat around me in the bed. At least Mark had the courtesy to offer me some. I normally don't drink, but I gulped down as much as I could. I figured I'd need it that night. And I was a little offended that Greg hadn't offered first.
Right away they started to paw at me. It was nothing really serious, as far as they were concerned. In fact, they were making jokes about it and laughing all the time.
I felt like a piece of meat, Doctor.
Greg put his fingers in my cunt and poked them around. He did it like he didn't care about me at all. It wasn't like he was trying to get me hot or anything. He was just poking his fingers in my pussy because it was there, that was all.
The other two were pulling at my nipples. And their attitude was about the same. They pulled at them because they were there, not because it might turn me on and not even because it might turn them on. It didn't make any sense to me.
But I had no choice but to put up with it. There was no way I could escape from three strong boys. I felt so helpless and vulnerable. That really made me uncomfortable.
For the first time in my life, I felt really dirty. Utterly degraded and humiliated. Dragged down in some slimy gutter by these uncaring monsters. Pulled through a sewer by beasts. Forced under the surface of a cesspool by ogres.
I want to tell you what they did to me that night, Doctor, but I know there isn't time for it now. I feel better that I've been able to talk to someone about part of it, though. I feel like part of the weight is off my shoulders.
I know that I shouldn't feel responsible for what happened that horrible night, but I do. I can't seem to get away from it. Somehow, I blame myself for the whole rotten thing. I've tried to think differently, but I can't.
So I guess I'll have to continue this next time, Doctor. I wish there was time to get it all off my chest today, but I know there isn't. Once I tell you everything that happened to me, I hope you'll be able to help me. I know there must be some way to get over the way it makes me feel about myself.
INTERVIEW TWO
I did what I could to ease Alice's troubled mind after our first session.
It was clear that part of her problem was facing the reality that she hadn't minded what had happened to her that much. I'm used to that situation since it occurs frequently in my practice. A great many women find difficulty accepting the fact that sexual activities that are not condoned by society are pleasurable for them. Indeed, it is hard for anyone to overcome deep rooted inhibitions.
Alice appeared a bit more self-composed when she arrived for the next interview. This time she wore a pale green dress that made her green eyes stand out. It was most becoming.
What follows is the continuation of that night which brought on such anxiety and depression for her.
Well, Doctor, I feel a bit better now, but I still haven't been able to get over this depressed feeling. I feel like some of the tension has been relieved, but I still find myself feeling angry and depressed. I'm hoping you can help.
Where was I last time?
Oh, I was telling you what happened when the boys came back to the bedroom. About how they were pawing me and laughing about it, making me feel like I was nothing but a common whore.
As they were going over me, they were talking like I wasn't even there. like I was some kind of non-entity. That really disturbed me.
"Hey, Mark," Greg said, "put your fingers in this hot cunt."
"Yeah, that's nice," Mark said as he slipped in a finger.
Now I had two fingers in me, and they were both going in different directions. It felt funny for both of them to be going at me like that.
"And look at these tits," John said as he pulled my nipple.
"I know," Greg told him, "they're not too big, but they make a good handful."
"And Mother always said that anything more than a handful was wasted," John said.
They all laughed, but it made me feel terrible.
I mean, what they were doing was bad enough, but this was adding insult to injury. There was no excuse for it. I finally decided to speak up.
"Don't talk like I'm not even here," I said.
"You aren't," Greg said.
"What do you mean by that?"
"You're just a bunch of holes as far as I'm concerned," Greg told me.
"Don't say things like that!"
"Shut up, cunt, or we'll really do something you won't like!"
When he said that, I really felt bad. The nerve!
"And we're going to plug them all," Mark added as he poked his. finger around in my cunt. I hate to admit it, but it was starting to feel good.
"She can't say she didn't like it the last time," John said.
"Yeah, that pussy was wet as hell," Mark said.
"And she sucked on my cock like there was no tomorrow," Greg added.
"It feels like her cunt's getting wet again," Greg told them.
"Yeah, I'm getting pussy juice all over my finger," Mark said.
"I wonder if that hole wants to get plugged again?" Greg asked.
"I think she oughtta get us hard first," John said.
Yeah," Greg agreed, "Maybe she should suck some cock first."
With that, they got off the bed and pulled me off as well. Greg put his hands on my shoulders and forced me to kneel on the floor. They stood in a line in front of me. I knew what they wanted me to do, but I didn't want to do it.
"Put your mouth on that cock," Greg ordered.
"But . ... but . ... but," I stammered. "Do like I told you, bitch, and get that cock hard."
I didn't have any choice in the matter, so I put his soft cock in my mouth. As I did it, the other two pulled my hands up and put them to their cocks. I clutched at their pricks as much to keep my balance as anything else.
I sucked on Greg's cock as hard as I could. He was acting so mean and surly that I didn't want to displease him. There was no telling what they might to me if I didn't at least try to cooperate. I was really nervous about that.
When Greg's cock was limp, I could take all of it into my mouth. But as I sucked on it and licked around the head, it started to swell, and
I had to move my head back a little. I have to admit that I do like the feeling of making a man hard in my mouth.
And I could feel the other two getting hard in my hands as I pumped on their cocks. I knew they were treating me like dirt, but I liked the feel of those pricks getting stiff. I also thought that the sooner I got it over with, the better it would be. Greg usually doesn't want to come more than twice in a night, and I hoped Mark and John would be the same way. It might take a while this time, but then maybe I'd be free.
When they were all hard, they really put me to work. The three of them moved closer together, and they switched my head from one cock to the other. Sometimes I didn't know which cock I was sucking. I put my hand to each set of balls as they pulled me around, then I put it at the base of the cock and spread saliva over the whole thing as I sucked on it. That made the prick I was sucking give a little jerk.
While I was hard at work on a throbbing member, I heard Greg speak.
"Keep her working, guys," guys, "I'm going to get something to really fill that hot pussy of hers."
I was a little confused when I heard it. I thought he was going to get something like a dildo, and with three hard cocks, that wasn't really necessary. I mean, if the three of them went at me like they did the first time, there wouldn't be a hole to put it in. That is unless they tried to stick it up my nose or something, but there was no way that would work.
I sucked the two cocks that were left as hard as I could. I went back and forth between them as fast as I could. Then I pulled the cocks together and put both heads into my mouth at the same time. I had to open my mouth as wide as I possibly could, but I managed to get them in.
The sensation of those cockheads stretching my cheeks apart was really nice. It gave my pussy a warm feeling, and I could feel the juices start to flow. I was beginning to feel like I wanted something up there.
I was so involved in sucking those two large cocks that I didn't even hear Greg come into the room. The first I knew about it was when I heard panting at my side. I didn't know what it was, so I took my mouth off those cocks and looked.
It was Bowser!
You can imagine how shocked and bewildered I was when I saw that huge Golden Retriever standing there with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. I didn't know what they were going to do with him, but I knew I wasn't going to like it one bit.
"You get up on the bed, cunt," Greg ordered me.
I did as he told me and waited to see what was going to happen next. This was all too horrible to be believed, and I couldn't believe it was happening to me. No one should have to take that kind of treatment, or be placed in a situation like that. I was scared out of my wits.
"Now spread your legs apart," Greg commanded.
When I was lying there completely open, he came over to the bed.
"I just want to see how this pussy is doing," he said.
He reached down and stuck all four fingers of one hand into me. That stretched me about as wide as my hole could go. Then he pushed them in and started moving them back and forth. My cunt was wet enough to take them, and the pressure of his hand against my clit was making me aroused. More and more juices started to flow.
Greg took his hand out and I saw how it glistened with my fluids.
"That hole's about ready," he announced to the others.
"Good," Mark said, "I can't wait to see this."
I wondered then if they had had everything planned out in advance. It was almost too macabre to think about, and I didn't want to think Greg was that way. But then anyone who would do what he had was capable of anything. I wondered how I could ever have had the idea that I was in love with him. That seemed crazy to me.
Greg pulled Bowser onto the bed by his collar.
"Lap at that pussy, Bowser," he said as he pushed the dogs muzzle at my cunt.
The dog sniffed my cunt and licked it with his long tongue. It felt all rough and scratchy as it swept over my mound and made my pubic hair all matted with dog spit.
Greg looked at Bowser's cock as the animal lapped at my cunt. The dog seemed to like what he was doing, but evidently it didn't excite him because Greg reached under the dog and grabbed his prick. He wrapped his hand around the hairy sheath and pumped it until the dog's pink cock emerged.
"I've jerked him off lots of times," he told the other two, "but I've never seen him fuck a cunt ... This should be interesting."
God, I thought, how could this be happening to me? It was all too ghastly, too cruel, too mean, too degrading, too humiliating to even think about.
Greg pulled Bowser's tongue away by jerking the animal's collar back. Then he pushed the dog on top of me. With his hand, he guided Bowser's cock to my slit.
At that point, Bowser knew what he was supposed to do. He started hunching his hips at me. The first thrust of his hindquarters missed, but the second buried the end of his cock in my pussy. I couldn't believe how big the thing was!
The dog started to hump away as soon as the end of his cock was in. Before I knew it, he had the whole thing buried to the hilt in me. His paws were splayed out at my side, and I could feel the dog's hairy chest against my tummy. His muzzle was pressed hard between my tits.
Bowser lurched into me with such force that even the knob at the base of his cock went into me. That thing must have been as big around as a man's fist. I couldn't believe that my cunt could take it all, but it did. And every time he pumped that fat doggie dick into me, the knob brushed against my clit.
The shocking thing is that it made me feel good. My pussy was getting hotter and wetter by the second!
I looked around, and the three of them were standing around the bed pumping on their hard cocks. It was like I was part of some kind of freak show or something.
But I didn't care too much by that time. The dog was going at me fast and hard, and I was getting carried away by the pleasure it was giving me. Started to thrust my hips into Bowser's prick so that even more of it would go into me. I wanted it as deep in me as possible. I could feel it really stretch the back of my cunt when I thrust into it, and that was driving me wild. It also increased the pressure of the knob on my clit.
Bowser started to pant, and I could feel his hot breath on my breasts. It sent a wave of sensations through my nipples that combined with the pleasure I was getting from my cunt and took me higher.
I was getting delirious with all the sensations that were going through my body.
Then Bowser started to go faster. I knew that he was about to come, and that brought me to the very edge of an orgasm. Then, as Bowser stuck his huge dong as far into me as he possibly could, I started to come.
A shudder passed through my body and my cunt twitched. I couldn't believe how good it felt.
As the first spasms passed, I noticed that Bowser was just keeping his cock held all the way inside me. But I could feel it quivering and pulsing in me. I realized that he was coming, and that sent me over the top again.
But it didn't seem to stop. The dog kept his cock up me and it felt like a vibrator or something up there. I hit another climax and then another.
My whole body started to shake with the pleasure I was feeling. My cunt convulsed around that twitching doggie dick. One blinding flash after another flooded my brain. All the orgasms were building. They floated me away on a sea of pleasure.
Eventually, the twitching of Bowser's cock stopped, and the intensity of my passion abated. As I lay there still gasping for breath, the dog pulled out of me.
Greg, Mark and John were still standing around the bed slowly jerking their hard cocks. Every once in a while, one of them would take a swig out of a beer can.
"Shall we flip to see which of us gets the hole with the dog come?" Greg asked the others. I didn't think I could take any more, but I didn't say anything.
"I guess you can count me out," Mark said, "I had that hole the last time. I want to put my cock someplace else this go-round."
"Suit yourself," Greg told him. "How about you, John."
"Hell, she belongs to you. It's only fair that you get it."
"That's fine with me," Greg said.
Greg pulled Bowser off the bed. Then he pushed me aside. He lay down on the bed and spread his legs.
"Get your twat on that hard cock," he ordered me.
I raised myself to a squatting position and moved over him. As I poised my cunt over his cock, a trickle of clear dog come dribbled out. I reached down and spread it all over Greg's throbbing organ.
I centered the head of it on me and lowered myself onto him. My cunt was so slick with Bowser's come that it slid in to the base of the shaft right away.
I rocked back and forth on the thing a few times, then I raised myself again and started to pound my pussy into it.
"That's right, slut," Greg said, "just keep that hot pussy wrapped around this fat dick!"
As I rammed my cunt into his hard cock, John got on the bed .He knelt by Greg's side and held his cock in his hand. I leaned over as I humped away and took it in my mouth. His was the cock that had been up my ass the last time, so it tasted a little funny at first.
Then I felt a finger go into my ass-hole. It was still lubed from the last time, and it slipped right up there. I took my mouth of John's hard prick and looked around. Mark was in back of me twirling his finger in my bung hole.
He slipped his legs under Greg's and scrunched up as far as he could. I stopped humping Greg for a moment so that he could get his cock in my ass. He centered the head of it on my puckered little hole and pushed his hips up so that the head of it went into me. It didn't hurt at all this time.
As I lowered myself onto Greg, Mark's large organ slipped up my greasy rectum. I liked the way I could raise and lower myself onto both cocks at the same time. It made me feel more like I was in control of the situation, or at least in control of the pleasure I was giving the cocks.
I reached around behind me when I went up the next time and felt the two poles that were penetrating me. Both of them were thick and slippery.
Then I moved my hand to the two sets of balls. Greg and Mark's bodies were so close together that I could put both sets of balls in one hand. I rolled them around together. Then I moved my hand away and went back to humping those two giant cocks. I really loved being filled to the brim that way.
To get even more cock into me, I went back to sucking John. I licked up and down the underside of his cock and ran my tongue over his balls.
There was cock everywhere. The feel of a cock stretching my pussy. The pleasure of cock in my tight ass-hole. The musky scent of a cock at my nose. The taste of a smooth cock in my mouth. Cock permeated all of my senses.
I started to hump away at the cocks that were up my cunt and ass, and I sucked harder on the one in my mouth. I could feel myself getting hot all over again. I felt like I was nothing but a sex machine going after hard pricks. It was wonderful!
Greg's cock in my pussy was rubbing against my clit, pulling it back and forth with every stroke that I made into him. My juices were flowing heavily then, and I started lunging into those two cocks as fast as I could.
At the same time, I brought my hand to the base of the cock I had in my mouth and wrapped my fingers around it. As I moved my mouth up the shaft, I followed it with my hand. When I got to the top, I took my mouth off it and rotated my hand around the saliva-slick head. I could feel John's cock strain against my palm. The head was all purplish and I could feel it throb as I held it.
I put my mouth back on it and sucked harder.
By this point, I was really grinding into the cocks that filled my cunt and my ass-hole. My pussy was so hot and wet that I thought I was about ready to come. And my clit was sending wave after wave of pleasure through me.
Then John reached over and ran his fingers around my nipples. They were really stiff now, and that sent a torrent of sensations through my chest. They rippled across me and merged with the pleasures that were emanating from my cunt and ass-hole.
John squeezed my nipples between his thumb and forefinger, and he pulled them away from me. I gave a muffled moan as I sucked at his cock.
All the sensations I was receiving combined into one. All of my body was on fire and I knew I was going to explode. There was no stopping it now even though I wanted to just stay at the high plateau of ecstasy forever.
As I went over the edge, John's body went tense and he thrust his hips into my mouth. I took his cock as far into my throat as I could, and he let out a gasp. Then I felt his cock convulse, and the first hot squirt of cream coursed down my gullet. I moved my mouth up on it so that the rest of the spurts pulsed against my tongue. And I ran my tongue over the hole at the end of it as he was shooting.
Shudders shook my body as John finished coming in my mouth. I felt my cunt twitching against Greg's cock, and I lunged into it with all the force I could muster. Both cocks seemed to have swelled inside me, and I was aware of Greg panting for air underneath me.
Another climax hit me. It swept me away on a tide of pleasure. But I kept going at those two huge cocks. I was lost to the winds of passion! They were at gale force throughout my body and I was engulfed by them.
Greg gave a loud bellow and arched his hips into me. He gasped at he came, and I felt his cock erupt inside me. He pumped wad after wad after wad of hot cream into my convulsing pussy to combine with my cunt juices and the dog come already there.
My orgasms were coming one on top of each other now. I was delirious with the pleasure of it all. Then Mark let out a heavy rush of breath and pushed his cock as far up my ass-hole as it would go. I felt it spasm as the first strong gush of come spurted in my dark passageway.
I went over the top again in a blinding, shattering orgasm that ripped through me like the fires of Hell. I lost all control of my senses and rode with it.
Gradually it subsided, and I reoriented myself to my surroundings. I realized that they had done it again. Used me like a piece of meat. A warm, moist place for their greedy cocks. It was shocking! It was disgraceful! It was humiliating!
I pulled off the cocks that filled every one of my orifices. I felt utterly defiled in every possible way.
But at last it was over, I thought. Finally I can escape from this den of iniquity. There will indeed be some respite from this degradation!
But that wasn't to be the case. Greg's perverted mind hadn't yet run its course.
When I moved my body off them, Greg and Mark rolled to the other side of the bed. Greg got up and walked around to me.
"I think this harlot needs a little more," he announced.
God in heaven, I thought, what more is there that he can possibly do to me. I couldn't for the life of me imagine what further humiliation there could be.
"C'mon, guys," he said as he pulled me to my feet.
Then he dragged me out of the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom.
The other two were right behind him. When we got there, he pushed me toward the bathtub. I thought we were all going to take a shower or something, and I thought that I really wouldn't mind that.
But he didn't have anything like that in mind.
"Get your ass into the tub and sit down," he commanded.
It was futile to resist, so I didn't.
"Now let's give her a little shower, guys," he said. There was something odd in the way he said the word "shower."
As I sat there looking up at them, all three of them moved in close to the tub. They had their cocks in their hands, but their cocks had gone limp by this time. I still hadn't figured it out by this time. I was really dumb, I guess.
Then Greg tickled the underside of his cock near the head, and a thin stream of piss came out. I couldn't believe it! This was the end! It was too sick to be real!
Greg's stream of piss got stronger, and he aimed it right at my cunt. You know, Doctor, I have to admit that the warm fluid felt kind of nice and soothing there.
Then Mark started. He aimed his piss at my tits and moved his cock back and forth so that the stream splattered first on one nipple and then the other. It made my nipples feel warm as it splashed on me.
John was the last to start. He was the closest to my head and his initial trickle landed on my neck. As the volume and force of the yellow stream increased, he aimed it at my mouth-
"Open your mouth, whore," Greg snarled.
I didn't want to do it, but I didn't want to piss him off, so I did.
Now this is the most disgusting thing of all, Doctor. As that thick stream splattered in my mouth, I drank it. And the taste isn't bad. It made me feel warm and content inside. I don't know how much I drank, but it seemed like I was swallowing for a long time. They must have really gone through the beer when they were downstairs!
The stream that Greg was directing at my pussy made it twitch. I was liking it more and more as he kept it up. It wasn't like being fucked or anything, but it was nice. All that warm, yellow liquid flooding over my cunt, cascading down my breasts and coursing through my throat.
Gradually all three hot flows ebbed to trickles and stopped. At that moment, I wished there was some way for a man to go on pissing for hours. I wanted to just sit there and let myself be drenched in the stuff.
"Let's let the hussy clean herself up," Greg said to the others. "There's more beer downstairs, and I'm ready for one."
"Yeah, me too," Mark said.
The three of them walked out of the room and left me sitting in the bathtub soaked with their piss.
Oh, Doctor, can you imagine such humiliation, such degradation, such absolute depravity? And I had enjoyed it!
Doctor, I just can't face the utter shame of it! How can I go on living with myself? The truth of what I went through is hard enough to face, but the fact that all of it excited me is just too much to face. I simply can't go on.
Thank God nothing else, happened that night. After they left, I took a hot bath, then I went to the guest room, locked the door and went to sleep. Not that locking the door would have made much difference if they had wanted more from me.
When I woke up the next morning, the house was quiet. I went downstairs, found my clothes and slipped out.
I haven't spoken to Greg since that awful night. He called at my house one night, but I told my mother that I wouldn't speak to anyone, especially him. And I've managed to avoid him at school.
But do you know what the worst part of it is, Doctor? The most horrible thing is that I'd do it again. I just know I would. There have been times these past two weeks that I've thought about calling Greg so that We could get back together. And I had the depraved idea that I might actually ask him to invite Mark and John sometime when his parents are away. I know I shouldn't even consider such a thing, but I can't help it.
I can't fathom why my mind goes in such a bizarre direction. The whole thing is disgraceful, but I can't make myself stop thinking this way. I've tried, Lord knows, but nothing has worked. I hope you can help me. I really need it.
And there's another thing that's been troubling me.
I've been thinking about getting a dog!
And the more I think about it, the bigger dog I want. A great Dane, maybe. I always look at their balls and cocks when I see one now.
Isn't that just the limit?
I swear, Doctor, you've got to purify my brain. Run it through a car wash or something. Sanitize it! Anything to stop these sick, filthy ideas that keep haunting me.
I don't know how the hell it can be done, but it's got to be. It's just got to be!
CONCLUSION
I could understand what Alice was feeling, and I sympathized with her, but her approach to the way she was feeling was one hundred eighty degrees out of phase. Instead of wanting to rid her mind of the ideas she has, she should be working to more fully accept her sexuality.
While her desires may not be shared by everyone, they are certainly far from being perverted. In fact, they aren't altogether that uncommon.
I've prescribed a long course of therapy for Alice. Over the course of it, I intend to make her more fully cognizant of the range of her sexuality. I want her to accept it for what it is; a deviation from what society considers "normal" sexuality, but far from anything that she should try to repress.
I hope that she can learn to express her sexual appetite without guilt or shame. There is no need for either of those feelings.
Repression of sexuality is common throughout the social fabric of the western world. Certainly sexuality is more open now that it was in the past, but severe inhibitions about sex continue to wreck havoc in many lives.
I feel that more people should follow Alice's example and seek professional assistance when they are troubled by guilt or shame. Once the problem is identified, the individual will be on the road to recovery. And without a full acceptance of one's sexuality, it is nearly impossible to lead a full, satisfying life.
CASE HISTORY FIVE
SUBJECT: Mary R. AGE: Thirty
INTERVIEW ONE
Mary R. had a worried look on her face as she entered my office for her first session. But even though the small lines her concern caused, her face was lovely. She had classic features with an aquiline nose that set them all off handsomely.
She was from Rockville Center, Long Island, but she didn't look like she belonged there. Rockville Center is predominantly a working class suburb, and most of its inhabitants pronounce it "Rock-val Cen-tah."
But the woman who sat gracefully in the leather chair in front of my desk was clad in a chic beige dress that accented her shining brown hair.She wore a tasteful gold chain around her neck, and a good-sized diamond graced the third finger of her left hand.
Mary R. talked in a charming voice, and her accent was distinctly Midwestern. This is what she told me during that initial session.
Well, Doctor, I don't want to waste any of your valuable-and expensive-time, so I'll get to the heart of the matter as quickly as possible.
What I'm concerned about is my husband Alex.
I love the man, and I certainly want to stay married to him, but he's starting to do things that worry me. And you can probably guess that it's about sex.
I suppose most of the problems you hear about concern sex in one way or another. I've always had the opinion that psychiatrists had to be somewhat voyeuristic to be good at their profession. And I don't mean that in a negative way, Doctor.
I think it takes a healthy interest in sex to be able to listen to people talk about it all day long. But then for sixty dollars an hour, I could be interested in just about anything, so I don't know.
Please don't misunderstand me, Doctor. I don't mean to imply that you're in this just for the money. I'm confident that you genuinely want to help people, and I'm sure the lofty fees are justified. After all, you spent a lot of years in school getting where you are, and office space in Manhattan doesn't come cheap, does it?
Well, I said I was going to get to the crux of the problem, but already I've gone off on a tangent, haven't I? I do that from time to time, so please bear with me.
Now, about my husband.
It all started about two months ago. I didn't even realize what was happening at first. I've got to say one thing for Alex: he's subtle.
One afternoon when I was putting the laundry away, I found a magazine in his underwear drawer. It was hidden at the very bottom, under a pile of shorts. I shouldn't even call the thing a magazine. It was a pornographic picture book.
Out of idle curiosity, I looked through the thing, and I was surprised by what I saw. There were all sorts of pictures showing men whipping young girls, tieing them up and raping them, that sort of thing.
I was a little shocked that Alex's taste in porn would run to that sort of thing. I mean, he's always been perfectly "normal" with me. This was the first "deviant" thing he'd ever done in the six years we'd been married.
I brushed the whole thing aside at the time. I thought maybe one of his friends had given it to him or something. And I thought there was a chance that he might have gotten by mistake somehow. But then I wondered why he would keep such a thing.
But he hadn't been acting any different from usual, so I didn't think any more about it, but it did stick in the back of my head.
About a week later, I was putting something in that drawer again, so I checked to see if he still had the magazine.
Well, Doctor, he had not only kept it, he had added three more like it to his collection. They were all the same thing. Men getting young girls into bondage and performing all sorts of sexual acts on them. It didn't look very realistic in the pictures, and I found it difficult to understand why anyone would want to look at them.
I thought about saying something to Alex, but that was the only thing that had happened, so I didn't.
I thought that if he wanted to look at things like that once in a while, there was no harm done. And when I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that it was probably better for him to look at pictures like that than to actually try to do it.
But one thing was for certain. It was no accident that he had them.
A few days later, I made a point of checking his little "collection." This time I found out that it had doubled! I was beginning to get a little worried about it.
I thumbed through one of the new magazines and found that several of the pages were stuck together. I couldn't understand it at first, then it dawned on me: Alex had been jerking off while he looked at the pictures! That seemed a little ridiculous to me, and I was almost a little hurt. I've read that married men usually masturbate once in a while, but I'd never had the nerve to ask Alex about such a thing. Now I knew that he did. And it looked like more than "once in a while."
I tried to figure it all out in my mind, but I couldn't. I wanted to ask him about it, but I didn't think I could do that either. I didn't want him to know that I was snooping around in his drawers. We've always tried to let each other keep his privacy as much as two people living with a small child can.
Then one morning after he left for work in the city, I went upstairs to tidy up, and I saw that he had left one of the magazines on top of the bureau. It hadn't been there when we got up, so I knew he had left it there on purpose.
He actually wanted me to see it!
I was incredulous at first. I found it difficult to understand why a man would want his wife to see such garbage. And I didn't know what I should do about it.
I went back to the kitchen and thought about it over a cup of coffee. I considered talking to him about it, but I didn't know how. I really wanted to call one of my close friends and talk about it, but I didn't want anyone to know about something so shameful. So I decided not to do anything. I put the magazine with the others.
Well, the very next day it happened again. Now I knew I'd have to say something. There was just no way I could let him go on behaving that way. What if one of my friends came over and saw something like that lying around?
And Bobby is five now, and I wouldn't want him seeing something like that either. He wouldn't know what it was, but that doesn't make any difference.
There was only one thing I could do. I had to confront Alex. I had to tell him that I didn't appreciate what he was doing one bit, and I had to make him stop it.
I waited until that night after Bobby was asleep. I didn't want him to overhear a conversation like the one we were about to have. You can never tell what might stay in a child's mind and affect him later on. I try to be careful about that.
When I came back from putting him to sleep, Alex was sitting at the kitchen table finishing a drink. I didn't waste any time.
"I want to talk to you, Alex," I said.
"About what?"
"You know perfectly well."
"But I'm afraid I don't, my dear," he said. There was an odd quality to his voice. It sounded almost a little sinister.
"I want to talk to you about that 'filth' you've been leaving around the house."
"What 'filth?' I've always thought that I was pretty neat," he said.
He knew damn well what I was talking about. I didn't like the game he was playing.
"You know what I mean. Those magazines of yours."
"Oh, what's wrong with them?" he asked.
"You know perfectly well what's wrong with them," I said. I was beginning to get a little irritated by his attitude.
"No, my dear, I'm afraid I don't."
"They're nothing but cheap pornography!" I shouted.
"No, my dear, they are certainly not 'cheap,' I can assure you of that."
"I wasn't referring to the price," I said. "Then what were you referring to, my dear?" He was so calm and smooth that it made me angry.
"For Christ's sake, stop calling me 'my dear,'" I screamed.
"All right, but do keep your voice down," he said. "After all, I hardly think you want to broadcast this conversation to our West Coast audience."
"I'll try to stay calm and collected," I said in a quieter tone.
"Now what were you saying?" he asked after a pause.
He had gotten me so angry with the silly game he was playing that I had completely lost my train of thought.
"We were talking about those magazines," I said.
"Oh, yes," he said, "you find them objectionable somehow."
"I certainly do!"
"In what way, might I ask?"
"You know perfectly well."
"But I'm afraid I don't," he said. "In fact, I find them rather stimulating."
"If you do, you have a sick mind," I told him.
"And what qualifies you to sit in judgment of my mind?"
"Nothing, but you know those pictures are filthy and perverted."
"By the same token," he said, "I think it's a waste of time for you to watch soap operas, but I don't call you 'sick,' 'filthy' or 'perverted,' do I?"
"That's different."
"I'm afraid that I don't see the difference."
"Millions of people watch those programs."
"Millions of people look at pictures like that as well," he told me.
"I don't believe it," I said.
"Mary, they wouldn't print those magazines if a lot of people didn't buy them. I'm sure that you know that 'profit' is one of the prime movers in this society."
"Yes, I know that," I said. I was a little irritated by how the conversation was going. He clearly had me with the argument he was making. But I knew that sort of thing was perverted, and I think he knew it too. He just wasn't willing to admit it, so he got me snared in a trap of twisted logic.
"Do you think you'd like to do that sort of thing?" I asked after a long pause. I knew that I had to try some completely new approach with him. The other one was at a complete dead end. His smirk when he knew that I had given up angered me.
"I think that I will enjoy it very much," he said.
"What do you mean by 'will' enjoy it?" I asked.
"I simply mean that I'm going to do it."
"You are?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Indeed I am."
"I don't believe it."
"You had best believe it."
"I don't like the idea of your being unfaithful," I told him.
"I didn't say anything about being unfaithful," he said.
"Then I don't see how you're going to do it."
"That's really no problem."
"How can you say that?" I asked him. I really didn't understand what he was getting at.
"In fact," he said, "I'm going to do it tonight."
"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked.
There was an evil glint in his eyes as he looked at me. Finally I began to see what he had in mind. I couldn't believe he wanted to do that sort of thing with me.
"You can stop thinking whatever it is you're thinking right now," I told him.
"But I don't want to stop thinking it."
"You can just forget about tieing me up or any nonsense like that."
"But I don't want to forget about it."
"Well, you'd better."
"I really don't think so," he said.
He stood up from the table and finished his drink. There was an evil leer in his eyes and a menacing grimace on his face.
"You're forgetting that I'm bigger than you are," Alex said as he loomed over me.
"I'm not forgetting that, it's just that you'd better not try anything."
"What are you going to do about it?"
"I don't know, but I'll think of something," I said.
"And I'm also stronger than you are," he said.
"That doesn't make any difference either."
"I think it does."
"And I told you to get that idea out of your head. I'm not going to do it."
"Yes, you are, my dear," he said as he put his large hands on my shoulders and leaned on me, pushing me hard into the chair I was sitting on.
"Are you going to force me, Alex?" I yelled. I was beginning to get a little nervous.
"Yes, indeed, my dear. That's part of the point." His voice was dead calm.
"I don't care. I won't do it!"
"Ah, but you will."
"I won't stand for this!" I shouted. "You can't do this to me."
"I can and I will," he said.
"I'll scream," I threatened.
"You don't want to wake up Bobby, do you? I don't think you'd like him to see what I'm going to do to you."
"You wouldn't!" I protested.
"I will if you make it necessary," Alex said.
With that, Alex pulled me out of the chair. And he wasn't very gentle about it.
I beat my fists against his strong chest, but it was to no avail. He only smiled. I think that it was actually turning him on more that I was resisting like that. I was determined that he wouldn't do anything to me like I had seen in those magazines.
Alex bent down and lifted me in his arms. I had been hoping in the back of my mind that all of this was some sort of a charade, still a game that he'd get tired of playing. But that hope was beginning to fade.
I was more serious now in the concern I had about what he might do to me. I didn't want any part of being tied up and beaten. It was revolting to me.
"Please stop this, Alex," I pleaded as he carried me through the dining room. "This game has gone on long enough." It was my last desperate attempt to get him to stop trying to do this to me.
"This is no game, I can assure you of that," he said.
"I don't care what it is ... Just stop it!"
"I don't think I would care to do that," he said. The calmness in his voice was really beginning to irritate me.
He carried me up the stairs and into our bedroom. He literally threw me on the bed and went to the door and locked it.
Then he went to my bathrobe that was hanging on the door of our bathroom and pulled the terry cloth belt out of it.
"Alex, you can't do this," I begged.
"Shut up, you bitch," he snarled. The even calm was gone from his voice, but this was even worse. I can tell you, Doctor, I was scared as hell.
"Don't use words like that," I told him.
"I told you to be quiet, slut," he growled.
"Alex!"
With that he hit me on the face with the back of his hand. The sound of the slap reverberated around the room.
"Get out of that blouse . ... NOW!" he ordered.
My face stung with the force of the blow he had given me. I was too afraid of really getting hurt to do anything, so I did as he requested. In the back of my mind, I figured that he wouldn't kill me, and that I could take Bobby and escape this maniac tomorrow. I knew I couldn't live with such a man.
"Now the bra," he said when I had my blouse off.
He continued ordering me to take off my clothes, one item at a time, until I was completely naked. I couldn't imagine what he was going to do, and it was hard to believe that I was in this predicament. I was an ordinary suburban housewife, and this sort of thing shouldn't be happening to me.
When I was naked, he came over and sat beside me on the bed. He pulled my arms behind me and tied the belt from my robe around my wrists. He pulled it tight, and it hurt. I was shocked at what had come over him. He was like a different man. More like a wild beast than a man.
I could feel his hot breath on my back as he tied the rope. When he was finished, he stood in front of me. I didn't know what tp do. I thought about crying, but I was too frightened for that. Nothing had prepared me for anything like this.
He reached down and gave me a slap across the other side of my face, but this time, he used the palm of his hand. It stung, but not quite so bady.
Alex went over to my dressing table and got my hairbrush.
"Now lay on the bed with your ass in the air," he said when he returned.
I did as he ordered me to, and as soon as I was in the right position, he gave me a hard whack on my buttocks with the flat side of the brush.
It hurt like hell, and I winced. I wanted to cry out, but I was afraid it would only get worse if I said anything. Then he gave me another blow, and another.
He brought the hair brush down on me again and again. My whole ass was sore, and I knew that it was turning red with the rain of blows he was bringing down on it.
Then something funny started to happen. My ass got all warm from the blood that was rushing to it. It was all sort of tingly and nice.
And I could feel the juices starting to run in my pussy. That amazed me! The whole region was warm. That was almost as shocking to be as what he was doing.
Then Alex turned me over. He threw the brush on the carpet and stuck a finger in my pussy and swirled it around. That really felt good.
"Fucking slut gets turned on by a spanking," Alex muttered.
I didn't approve of that kind of language as a normal rule, but in this situation it had sort of a nice ring to it. It was sexy, in a cheap sort of way. It made me feel like I was a woman who belonged in the gutter, and I got a kick out of it.
"Cunt gets all wet from a nice spanking," he said almost under his breath.
As he twirled his finger around, I got hotter and hotter. Now I really wanted him to fuck me, but I didn't think I should say anything to him about it.
"Hot cunt wants a cock, I bet," he said.
He pressed his finger against my clit and I wanted to scream out to him to fuck me. I was so hot and wet that I wanted anything up that cunt I could get.
"Yeah, nice soft pussy wants a hard cock," he said.
After he said it, he took his finger out and stood up. He was out of his clothes in no time. He crawled between my legs and spread them apart. It was a little uncomfortable laying there with my hands under me, but I didn't care by that point. I'd go through anything to get a cock into me. I was that hot.
He poised the head of his cock on my cunt and thrust it in, letting his body fall over mine as he did it.He rested his weight on his forearms as he shoved his cock into my hot cunt. God, I nearly went wild with the pleasure of it when I felt the whole thing inside me. It was so nice to be filled at last.
Alex made a few quick thrusts into me. I found it hard to believe, but I was already on the verge of an orgasm, and I was gasping for breath.
"Little pussy-likes that big cock, don't it?" Alex mumbled.
I was feeling so hot that I started to buck my hips into him. Anything to get more cock into my wet hole. I hadn't felt that good doing sex in ages.
"Yes, it does," he said, "That cunt-likes a big fucking cock riding in it."
What he was saying made me even higher. He'd never said things like this to me before, and I found that I really liked it. It made me feel like a real wanton slut.
"That fuck hole-likes to have it jammed in, don't it?" he said as he made a hard plunge into me. I could feel his cock at the back of my cunt, stetching it.
Then I went over the edge. A spasm went through my body, and I started to shake and tremble all over. My body went rigid with the force of it.
He started to go even faster and harder into me. I have another orgasm. They started coming on me every few seconds. It was like they were marching over my body in a special rhythm all their own as he rammed his cock into me.
Everything seemed to come together all at once, and I felt my body was nothing but one huge, pounding orgasm. I could feel my cunt twitching and convulsing.
Alex was going as fast as he could in me. Then he arched his head back and let out a long grunt and drove his cock deep within me. That brought me to the most shattering orgasm I've ever had. It coursed through my body like a herd of elephants.
Alex held his cock deep inside me as he filled my cunt with hot cream. It seemed as if his cock would never stop squirting out the thick, rich stuff.
Well, Doctor, I see that our time is up. I really hope you can help me feel better about what I've done and the way what's happened has affected me.
CONCLUSION
I reassured Mary R. that her situation wasn't as unique as she thought it was. While what had happened to her wasn't part of the daily routine of most people, it wasn't so bizarre as to have severe traumatic affects.
I prescribed a short series of sessions for her so that I could make her fully cognizant of her sexual desires and express them without fear or guilt.
