For centuries mankind has accepted the fact that mature males have a special passion for very young females. It is not an uncommon sight to find men in their forties and fifties dating girls old enough to be their daughters and even granddaughters.
A book called LOLITA, which dealt about the relationship between a mature man and a twelve year old girl, became a best-selling novel and movie. Today when a man is found to have a sexual interest in a very young girl he is said to be possessed of a Lolita-complex. This complex is so common that parents warn their daughters about "strange men" who want to entice them into cars.
Yet, how many parents warn their young sons about "strange women" who might have the same sexual interest in them? Psychiatric and police evidence, over the past decade, has shown a marked increase in female pedophilia in which mature women in great numbers chase boys young enough to be their sons ... and even grandsons. The Lolita-complex is not restricted to the male sex.
As shocking as it will sound to many people, there are women in their middle-years who desire the flesh of boys still in their teens. The stories in this book are about some of them.
Johnson and Masters, in their book, THE HUMAN SEXUAL RESPONSE, report that women over thirty are usually more subject to erotic stimulation than younger females. As a woman grows older her sexual interests become stronger rather than weaker.
According to Dr. Kinsey, in his famed study, THE SEXUAL BEHAVIOR OF THE HUMAN FEMALE, women reach the peak of their sexual capabilities in their mid-thirties. In a similar study on the human male, Kinsey pointed out that men reach their sexual peaks in their teens.
The obvious pairing off, it appears, should be between a teenaged boy and a woman in the early part of her middle-age. While human nature seems to cry out for such a mixture of age and youth, society, however, is against it.
For this reason many women who do have affairs with boys in their teens suffer greatly from guilt complexes, some to the point of suicide.
Society seems far more ready to accept a relationship between an older man and a much younger girl than one between a mature woman and a lad of tender years. Men like to brag about their sexual adventures because of this, while women do their best to keep their affairs secret.
But there is an unconscious need to confess in all of us, and that is why I've been able to find women to talk about their sexual adventures with boys for this book. According to Theodor Reik, in his book, MASOCHISM IN SEX AND SOCIETY, the greater the guilt the greater is the desire to seek punishment through confessions.
The mature women I have used for subjects in this study range in age from 30 to 55. They come from all economic levels and include married women, spinsters and divorcees. The boys these women have loved range in age from 14 to 17.
While some of these boys sell their bodies on a professional level, most are ordinary lads with natural sexual desires who've willingly allowed themselves to be seduced by much older women. In not a single incidence did a mature woman force herself upon an unwilling lad. Un-like pedophilic males, women cannot "rape" the objects of their lust and seduction must be employed.
As a sexologist with a special interest in the field of female pedophilia, I have established a number of contacts with mature women who have engaged in relationships with teenaged boys. I've discovered that Theodor Reik's theory about people having a basic need to confess was a correct one, as the following stories will indicate.
All the confessions are from tape recordings freely given by mature women with a need to tell all about their sexual affairs with teenaged boys.
-James Harvey
CHAPTER ONE...
HELEN
Case History: Helen C. ... Age: 38.
The subject is a shapely, attractive divorcee who is employed as an executive secretary in a large advertising firm in New York City. She lives alone is a cozy, modern apartment overlooking the East River which was where this taping took place.
"Forgive me if I slur my words now and then because I've just had three drinks before you came. I'm something of a moral coward; I have to prime myself with booze before I can tell the truth. Well, better a drunken confession than none at all, right?
"I want to say the thing fast and get it out of my system ... I, a mature woman of thirty-eight, being sound of mind and body, did willfully fornicate and fellate a boy of fourteen. Say, that's very illiterative, isn't it? All those f's! Well, all the best words seem to start with 'f' so it's a good way to start my story.
"To begin at the very beginning I was the only child to a pair of school teachers. My parents had been married for almost fifteen years before I was born and you might say I came as a surprise to both of them.
"For teachers who worked around youngsters all the time, they seemed to be awkward with me. I always had the feeling that they were somewhat embarrassed by having a baby when they were both middle-aged. I seemed to be a living announcement of the fact that they still liked to screw.
"I believe in early marriages. It gives children a chance to grow up with fairly young people. Parents look old enough to a child, but mine looked like my grandparents. When I entered my teens, my mother and father were already past the age of fifty.
"Talk about a generation gap! There was hardly any communication at all between us although I did get more than enough of the material things of life. I realize now, looking back, that my parents gave me things because they couldn't give me themselves.
"When sex began to rear its lovely head, my life really became complicated. To begin with, my parents didn't believe in it. They were so puritanical it was sickening. I was not allowed to date boys because my parents said that the male of the species meant only 'trouble'. Needless to say, I was a very lonely girl.
"I developed crushes on several boys at school. I still remember Paul, a handsome fellow with curly brown hair and blue eyes who sat next to me in class. Since I was a pretty kid myself, he expressed interest in me, but I was always too shy to do anything about it.
"I watched with envy when he turned his attentions toward another girl who wasn't as socially backward as I was.
"My parents both taught in the high school I attended but they made sure that I never became one of their students. They wanted to escape the possible charge of showing favoritism to me because I was their daughter. I didn't mind not attending any of their classes because they inhibited me enough at home.
"As the only child of a pair of school teachers I just had to excel in my studies. When I won a scholarship to college, I was able to be free, at the age of eighteen, for the first time in my life. My mother gave me a last bit of maternal advice before I left for college: 'Remember to save yourself for your husband, dear.'
"I felt like laughing out loud. She sounded so damned old-fashioned!
"When I went to college I planned to do something about my social life. I was now out of that dreary house and ready for life and love. I fully expected to roll over and spread my legs for the first guy who wanted me. I was coming out of my shell.
"I suppose I over-reacted to my puritanical upbringing because I soon got the reputation as a man-chaser on campus. At eighteen I was well-developed with firm, jutting breasts, so I had the bait to land my first fish. Hank was the very first.
"Hank was a senior who had a passion for freshmen coeds. When I showed up on campus he tried to date me right away. He wasn't a handsome boy, but he did have a rugged sort of charm. He was in college on a football scholarship and was being led along with snap courses that didn't require much brainpower.
"Actually, if it wasn't for the fact that he won football games, Hank wouldn't have lasted through his first semester. That old bromide about college football stars taking up courses like basket weaving was all but true in Hank's case. I, with my scholarship in education, was miles away from Hank intellectually, but this didn't stop me from throwing myself at him.
"The football star was something of a boor, but since he was my first date, I thought of him as a brilliant wit. Hank made it known from the start that he was after my body and he drove me out to a lover's lane. He parked in a secluded spot, and in the front seat of a car, I lost my virginity.
"Baby, I've always been nuts about you,' was the way Hank started his seduction.
"He planted a hard kiss on my mouth and then I felt his lips part. I allowed my lips to part, too, and he probed inside my mouth with his active tongue. A French-kiss. For a girl who rarely received the regular kind this was like being raped. My face burned and I responded to him by probing my own tongue up against his.
"This seemed to be all the encouragement Hank needed, because he zipped his fly open and exposed his penis which was engorged and throbbing. I gasped when I saw a real live sex organ for the first time.
'"like it, doll?' Hank muttered thickly, it's all for you!'
"He took one of my hands and placed it on the tube of flesh. My fingers curled over the long sexual member naturally and I gloried in the strength and warmth of it. After so many years of dreaming about sex I now had it, quite literally, in my hands.
'"Come on, Helen,' he urged. 'Take off your clothes.'
"I hesitated for a moment, my stern upbringing making itself felt. Impatiently the football star shoved the hem of my dress all the way up to my hips. He deftly pulled my panties down with one stroke and bared my hairy cleft. Hank grunted with pleasure and then pressed his mouth against my vagina.
"My whole body shook with a mixture of pleasure, shock and disgust. I had heard about cunnilingus before, but this was the first time I had ever been so closely associated with it. But, then, it was the first time I had ever been so close to sex before, so everything was new and exciting to me.
"Hank chewed on my slitted opening hungrily while kneeling on the floor of the car. His erect dick rubbed against the leather covering of the seat and I thought he might become so aroused that he would shoot his load then and there. But the football player was well-versed in handling women and knew how to hold back his juice.
"My vagina warmed and grew moist under his oral caressings. Hank licked inside with his tongue and touched me in all the right spots. I squirmed in ecstasy as the big, rugged athlete sucked between my legs. After living a life with my legs closed for so long I spread them wide to embrace his bobbing head and working tongue.
'"You're sweet and tasty,' Hank told me when he broke contact, i bet you're cherry.'
"I swallowed hard and nodded. 'This ... this is my first time,' I said.
"He grinned wickedly. 'Yeah, I can smell a virgin a mile off,' he told me. 'Now I'll give you a fuck to remember.'
"Hank was the crude type but refreshingly direct. He got out of his kneeling position and, by holding his rod with one hand, guided it against my well chewed cleft. As soon as the knobby head of his penis penetrated me I cried out quietly.
"I had been brought up to believe that sex before marriage was evil so that I couldn't quite let myself go at this most intimate moment. Still, my need for love was greater than my fear of it, so I embraced Hank as he came down on top of me, his long rod sinking into me deeply.
'"Oh! Oh, Hank!' I gasped aloud as he plowed through my virginal veil.
"The husky football player ignored me as he pumped with a sureness born of long experience. Hank thrust into my flesh with piston like movements. I was naked from the waist down while Hank's pants and shorts were bunched about his knees.
"He still wore his shirt and jacket which didn't add anything to the romantic mood I had hoped for. As a matter-of-fact it was all pretty vulgar. And, yet, for an eighteen year old girl making it with a guy for the first time I was hardly in a position to complain.
"Hank kept ramming that iron hard stick of his into my sexual opening until I clawed at his back for the want of release. My insides were on fire as he kept pumping away. He stopped suddenly and thrust the entire length of his meat into my body and sighed.
"Then something hot and moist shot inside the cavity of my flesh. He was coming.
"The husky boy kept pouring into me and, when he was empty, he sat back up in front of the steering wheel with his dick partially limp and flapping. 'Helen, you're a pretty good lay for a cherry,' he said with a smile.
"I placed my hand against my vagina. I was bleeding. So, after eighteen years, I had become a woman. 'Thanks,' I said softly.
"Once Hank had my body he seemed to lose interest in me as a person quickly. A girl told me that the football star was that way; he couldn't establish a lasting relationship with anyone.
"While Hank went from girl to girl with the abandon of a butterfly going from flower to flower, I imagined myself as being in love with him. Actually I was only trying to justify my honest lusts.
"I wanted to prove to myself that I had given into Hank out of genuine affection rather than something as basic as a virgin wanting to get laid. The puritanical streak my parents had driven into me would not permit me to enjoy sex freely and openly.
"At any rate the crude football player had turned me on to screwing and I needed the warmth and weight of another male body. I was not very selective and accepted a pushy jerk who walked around the campus with a perpetual erection because no other girl offered him an outlet.
"The less said about Jerry the better. Although I tried to convince myself that I had fallen in love with him it just didn't work because I cringed every time he placed his sweaty hands on my body.
"After Jerry came others and I was known around the campus as an 'easy lay'. In high school the boys had called me 'stuck up'. I never seemed to hit that happy medium.
"I never seemed to meet the right boy, either. While every stud on the campus was willing to bang me the fellows I could really go for only wanted me for a one night stand.
"In my desperate need to prove myself a woman I had scared off possible lovers. I had been lonely in high school because I was too virginal and now I was lonely in college because I was too much Miss Round Heels.
"My stern upbringing came to the fore telling me that I was being punished for my sins. Guilt engulfed me like a tide and I had my first nervous breakdown.
"In a need to purge myself of guilt I confessed my sins to my parents in the hospital. They gazed at me without emotion. 'I always said that boys meant trouble,' my mother finally said through tight lips.
"I cried in reaction to her coldness and my own sense of despair. I decided to get off the sexual merry-go-round and return to my old virginal self. Of course I could not become a virgin again but, at least, I could act like one.
"Once I left the hospital I devoted myself to study and graduated with honors. To show my parents that I was a daughter they could be proud of I went into teaching.
"I tried to convince myself that I liked teaching just as I had tried to convince myself that I had loved all those men I had had sex with. When I looked at all those rows of bright, young faces before me I recalled my own lonely childhood. Where had the years gone to? Where had my youth fled to?
"The teaching profession isn't the place for a girl to find a husband. There are more old maids in the field than any other. The male teachers I met were either married already or simply the type who preferred their single status.
"I thought that Frank was one of the latter types when I met him at the high school we both taught in. He was ten years older than I was and a bachelor. My parents encouraged a match between us.
"I was so surprised that they seemed to be that much interested in me that I invited Frank to dinner. Since my parents were retired teachers by then we all had something in common to talk about.
"Gradually Frank drew closer to me because of our mutual interests and I think he proposed to me for no other reason that it seemed to be the proper thing to do.
"After almost three years of 'courtship' in which Frank didn't make a single sexual move towards me he popped the question, as the saying goes.
"I was twenty-five at the time and ready for my first proposal. I believe I accepted because it, too, seemed to be the proper thing to do. If my relationship with Frank was anything it was proper.
"On our wedding night Frank insisted on undressing in the dark and going to bed with pajamas! When he reached out to touch me and found me nude his hands drew back as if they were feeling a hot stove.
"'Helen,' my groom whispered, 'I didn't think you would want to do it so soon.'
"I was too stunned to speak. Frank had the strange idea that we had to get used to sleeping with one another first before we had sex.
"It was up to me to make all the advances so I slipped my hand into the fly of my husband's pajamas and grabbed his cock. It was hard and of normal size so I couldn't understand why he had been so hesitant about making love to me. He wasn't impotent ... just a prude.
"As always I tried to tell myself that I loved Frank but it wasn't long before I realized I had made a mistake in marrying him. Not only was Frank low powered as far as straight fornication was concerned, he wanted nothing at all to do with oral love.
"I never became pregnant so I didn't have a child I could turn my affections to. I continued teaching and found myself growing old before my time. As the years passed Frank's small interest in sex diminished still further.
"He was content to grow old fast while I strove desperately to hang on to youth. I thought of finding a lover but something held me back. I suppose it was the puritan in me which said that adultery was a no-no.
"At thirty-seven I fell in love ... really ... for the first time in my life. The obvious thing to do in my case would be to divorce a husband I never cared for to marry the lover I was wild about. But there was just one hitch ... my lover was all of fourteen.
"I met Anthony in one of my classes. As soon as he sat down in front of me my heart began to beat faster. He had curly brown hair and blue eyes and the sweetest face.
"Handsome lads had sat in my classroom before but none had affected me as much as Anthony. It was six weeks later before I found out just why he impressed me so; he reminded me of my first crush when I was fourteen.
"The boy looked so much like that other lad of so long ago I wondered if he were his son. However, when I checked his name, it wasn't even remotely similar. It would've been ironic if I had fallen in love with the son of my first crush.
"My affection for Anthony quickly grew to passionate desire. The cardinal sin a teacher can commit is having sexual relations with a student. In my career I had seen two men being dropped out of the teaching profession because of the advances they made towards teenaged girls.
"I also knew of men who were interested in young girls sexually but always managed to hold their desires in check. Pedophilia, I always thought, was strictly a male sickness because I had never known of a woman who had the same passion for young boys. But, I knew of one now ... me.
"Although I tried to repress my desire for the fourteen year old lad I found myself making up excuses to be with him. As a teacher it was easy for me to assign Anthony to certain classroom duties.
"Since ours was the last class of the day I had ample opportunity to keep him with me after the school had emptied. My first duty for him was to erase the blackboards.
"By the time he had finished we had the classroom to ourselves. I gazed at the way his tight trousers fit snugly over his ripe young ass and his bulging crotch. Mature women aren't supposed to be turned on by the bodies of teenaged boys but I couldn't keep my eyes off Anthony.
"It wasn't long before I couldn't keep my hands off him.
"I first touched the lad intimately when we were in the cloak room. I had gotten the lad in there on some pretext after school. The closeness and warmth of his vital young body was like a magnet to my hands.
"Almost in a daze I cupped one of them over his ass and another over his crotch. 'Anthony..., ' I said in a low voice.
"He was shocked by my touch at first but he didn't draw away from it. A timid smile tickled about the corners of his lush lips. When I rubbed his crotch I felt his penis swell and grow swiftly.
"How wonderfully he reacted. It sometimes took me a half an hour of such caressing in bed to get my husband to react as much.
'"Anthony ... let me do it...,' I begged and opened his fly.
"The lad's erected dick came out. I had been handling my husband's limp, unexciting sausage for so long that I had almost forgotten what a strong, virile pole of manhood was like.
"Anthony's penis wasn't as large as my husband's but it made up for that lack in sheer hardness. I slipped to my knees and pulled the lad's pants and shorts down. He didn't move as I cupped his smooth buttocks with both my hands.
"The boy had a small patch of brown pubic hair and narrow hips. He was so very young! The last time I fellated a male was years ago when I had first tried to interest my husband in oral love.
"Now I could have a male member in my mouth again. I licked the boy's uplifted rod and he shivered with excitement. It was so good to know that I could turn a male on even if this one was only a child.
"I opened my mouth wide and leaned forward. When the fourteen year old boy's sex organ filled me I sucked with gusto, clamping my hands over his ripe ass. Anthony issued little moans of delight and surprise as I fellated him.
"I was sure that the lad was a virgin and my sudden erotic advance had taken him completely by surprise. But I knew that he didn't object to it because he stood in front of me with his male organ buried deep in my oral cavity.
"I mouthed the youngster until he spewed out his sperm. Anthony tried to warn me ahead of time not knowing if I wanted to drink in his juice or not. He placed his hands on my cheeks and said, 'I'm going to come.'
"For an answer I clamped my hands on his smooth buttocks harder and fellated faster. When his fluid leapt against my throat I sighed with pleasure. He tasted as sweet as he looked.
"The sperm of teenaged boys wasn't as bitter as that of older men. I kept mouthing the lad until I drained him dry. I kept on mouthing him until his penis grew limp.
"When I stood up to face him I found that his face was flushed red and his blue eyes were bright with lust. For the first time I started to come out of my sexual daze and realized just what I had done. I had orally seduced one of my young students!
"'Anthony,' I said nervously. 'Something just came over me. Please don't tell anyone.'
"He shook his brown curls and slipped his hands over my waist as if wanting my body this time. 'No, I won't tell. Let me ... I mean ... I want to ... I mean..., ' he stammered and slipped his hands over my hips and breasts.
"The boy was so aroused that he wanted to continue having sex relations with me. I was tempted to remove my clothes and show him my body but I stepped out of the cloak room and didn't look back.
"All the rest of that day I lived in fear that Anthony's parents might come calling accusing me of orally raping their son. While it was true that the lad hadn't objected he was still very much the minor.
"If I had been a man and he had been a girl I could be sent to prison for twenty years. I recalled one case in which an older man was sentenced to that term in prison for performing, what the papers called an unnatural act upon a minor girl.
"An unnatural act ... that's what I had committed. I was an unnatural woman.
"The next day I wanted to make up an excuse not to attend school because I couldn't bring myself to face Anthony. I was certain he had told his friends if not his parents what I had done to him in the cloak room. The male animal just loved to boast about sexual adventures.
"When my students began to file in for my last class of the day I studied their faces to see if they were looking at me any differently. The only face that showed any sign that something had changed in my schoolteacher image was Anthony's.
"The boy kept blushing and smiling timidly and I was afraid he would give our affair away. When the bell rang to end the school day the lad stayed behind even though I hadn't asked him to do so.
'"You want anything? he asked in a quiet yet pointed way.
"'Anthony,' I said, 'I told you to forget about yesterday. I don't want to get us into big trouble.'
'"But I didn't tell anyone,' he assured me and pushed his body against mine.
"I was so sex hungry that it didn't take much to get me active. The touch of the fourteen year old boy's flesh against mine was like a switch being thrown inside me.
"All I had to do was reach out and a beautiful young stud would be mine. I put my hand out and led him into the cloak room. As soon as we were there I pressed my lips against his. Anthony responded by embracing me tightly.
'"I want to see you,' he breathed heavily, tugging at my clothes.
'"Have you ever seen a naked woman before?' I wanted to know.
"'Never,' he answered after gulping loudly.
"The idea that I was about to reveal my nakedness before the virgin eyes of a young, attractive lad thrilled me. I stepped out of my shoes and removed my blouse. When I took off my bra, Anthony's blue eyes bore into my breasts.
"My nipples grew stiff and came to points. 'So big!' he gasped and placed his hands on my bosom.
"I took off my skirt and undid the tops of my stockings from my garter belt. The young boy watched in utter fascination. Now only my panties were between him and my complete nakedness.
"When I pulled them down I felt those blue eyes bore into my pubic triangle. He sucked in his breath sharply. 'So much hair,' he said. 'I didn't know women had hair between their legs like boys.'
"How utterly innocent the child was! This made me adore him all the more. My guilt would have to wait until after love had passed. I took one of his hands and placed it over my vagina.
"The boy gulped aloud again and said in amazement, 'A cunt.. . a real cunt.'
"Frank, my husband, never used such sexual terms and the lad's four letter expression for my vagina aroused me still further. I urged him to take off his own clothes. When he was naked I saw how erect his male member had become.
"His body was smooth yet muscular and I pressed against it. Since the floor of the cloak room was dirty I decided to take the boy in a standing position. I pushed him against a wall and impaled my sexual opening on his upright pecker.
"The teenaged lad sighed with a tremble in his voice when I engulfed his stiff tube completely with my vagina. I took the masculine role and pumped against him while he held me passively.
"As I thrust his hot hands clutched at my rump. I pushed my hard nipples against his smooth chest as I continued fornicating the boy. Our breathing became labored as I was afraid that a passing janitor might hear us and investigate.
"Suddenly Anthony grunted out loud and wrapped his legs around mine. His sperm leapt into my body and I lay still against him. He dug his fingers deeply into my soft butt halves as he poured out his come. He was now a virgin no more.
"I was now helplessly and hopelessly in love with a fourteen year old boy. Anthony felt the same way about me which made the affair unique. I was used to screwing males who felt little or nothing for me.
"I wanted to make love to the boy in another place besides the cloak room in the high school but it appeared to be the safest refuge. To be seen with a student outside the school would only lead to gossip.
"I thought of picking the lad up in my car outside of the city limits but too many things could go wrong so the cloak room at school became our love-nest.
"But no one can escape eyes in this crowded planet and one of the janitors at school became suspicious about me spending so much time with a young boy. I didn't realize that he was watching me until the day he pulled the cloak room door open to catch me in the act with Anthony.
"In desperation I offered the man hush money but he wouldn't take it. 'You're disgusting!' he snapped and went directly to the principal then.
"Things moved rapidly after that. I was fired and Frank divorced me. Everyone thought it best to keep the matter quiet but the news got out and I became the local scandal. That's when I had my second nervous breakdown.
"My parents refused to see me this time and I could understand why. After all, the daughter that they had raised had turned out to be a sex fiend who molested children.
"When I recovered I had to look for another job outside of teaching. Obviously I couldn't go back to any profession that included the care of young boys. But, since I never did like teaching, it was no great loss. I'm much happier as an executive secretary.
"Since my affair with the fourteen year old boy I haven't had another with a male of any age. As a divorcee who is still young and attractive I would have no trouble finding lovers or even a new husband.
"Yet, somehow, I'm afraid to love again. When I was a girl I fell in love with a fourteen year old boy and that led to frustration; when I was a mature woman I fell in love for the second time in my life to another fourteen year old boy and that led to disaster. Maybe love isn't meant for me.
"Well, that's my whole, bloody story. I don't know about you but I need another drink."
Reaction:
Helen is a woman crushed between her natural desires and her sense of guilt. Her parents repressed her normal desires when she was a child so that she grew up assuming that there was something basically evil about sex.
But, once she was free to express herself, Helen went as far from her parent's restrictions as she could go not only to experience erotic activity, but to revenge herself on her mother and father.
After becoming involved with unsatisfactory affairs she felt that perhaps her parents were right about sexual repression after all and that she had been wrong. This confusion led her into her first nervous breakdown.
The woman married a man she didn't really love because she needed security. In a way Helen was trying to reenter her childhood because Frank reminded her of her father. Although the woman had been unhappy as a child she had, at least, been secure.
By marrying a man who was much like her father Helen hoped to recreate this lost refuge.
Helen remained married to a man she didn't love because he provided security if nothing else. Yet, as she grew older and her peak of sexuality was reached, Helen was driven by the need to have an affair.
Her ingrained sense of morality ruled out adultery but, when she saw the young boy, it was as if she had returned to her childhood again and had developed a crush on a fellow student.
Anthony, being very young, made the affair seem innocent rather than evil. When the woman took the lad into the cloak room it wasn't as a teacher but, rather, a fellow student. At the age of thirty-seven, Helen found the courage to make love to a fourteen year old boy that she had lacked when she was that age.
The discovery of this affair, complicated by a loss of security via the divorce and the firing, caused her to have another breakdown.
Wilhelm Stekel, in his study, PECULIARITIES OF BEHAVIOR, claims that people tend to regress towards childhood when the adult world becomes too difficult for them. In Helen's case she regressed to the point in her life where she felt love for the first time.
When she made advances on Anthony she wasn't loving him so much as she was that other fourteen year old in the past. Since the subject is aware of this, her adjustment to mental stability can be rapid.
Helen hasn't quite recovered from her emotional upheaval since she had only been out of the hospital a few months at that time of the taped interview. However, her progress will be good because she is now engaged in work she really enjoys.
The divorce will prove helpful in the long run for it broke the mental lines of dependency she had with her past. Frank had been a father image and now the woman is free to mature and become an adult rather than a fourteen year old girl who has crushes on fourteen year old boys.
CHAPTER TWO...
NORMA
Case History: Norma D. ...
Age: 52.
The subject is a plump matron with a pleasant face. Although she has a home in the suburbs she often comes to midtown Manhattan to live in hotels which she uses as bases of operations for her journeys into the twilight world of lad loving. This interview took place in one of these hotels.
"I'm beginning to discover which hotels ignore you and which ones ask too many questions. I don't dare go back to the last place I stayed at because the management is very square and frowns upon guests picking up girls and boys.
"From what I gather this hotel doesn't care what a guest does so long as there's no trouble and the bills are paid. Of course I could save myself money and problems by simply taking the boys to my home in Long Island.
"I have seven rooms ... all empty. My three boys and two girls have homes of their own and my husband, Walter, ran out on me two years ago. I can understand children growing up and leaving home, but what really riles me is a husband who deserts you.
"I had just turned fifty when Walter decided that he had had enough of me. He was just my age so I guess that fifty is a milestone in a man's life. It was at that age Walter figured he had to make hay while the sun was still shining and took up with a girl in her twenties.
"I suppose all middle-aged men get a bit desperate at one time or other and want to get some young pussy to make a pet of. When my husband became a grandfather for the first time it depressed rather than excited him so that was the tip-off that he still had young ideas.
"All throughout our marriage Walter never even looked at another woman but, suddenly, at the milestone age of fifty, he committed adultery with a girl young enough to be his daughter.
"Walter wasn't experienced enough to hide his lechery and I soon found out about him. I was prepared to forgive his minor slip from grace but he went wild and ran away with the girl.
"He was good enough to leave me the house, car and bank accounts taking just enough to start a new life in some other city. This happened two years ago and I haven't heard from him since.
"In another five years I can consider him legally dead and remarry if I want to. But I have no intention of remarrying; I'd rather have my teenaged lovers.
"At first I was heartbroken by Walter's desertion but then I decided that two could play the game of chasing young meat. I drove to Manhattan and checked in, under an assumed name, at a mid-town hotel.
"It made me feel very wicked even though I didn't know the first thing about making it with another male. I married Walter when I was a young virgin and there had never been another man in my life. Now, in my fifties, I was going to screw a new male.
"I fortified myself with a few cocktails before I went tailing after cock. The Time Square area of Manhattan, I knew, had the reputation of being a stomping ground for boy prostitutes. These boys usually serviced homosexuals but I was certain that they wouldn't turn down an offer from a female if she was willing to pay the same fee.
"Times Square was crowded and warm that first night and I wandered around it looking at the young men who seemed to be wandering aimlessly themselves. When I caught their eyes I looked away quickly, too shy to begin my first encounter.
"I watched other men pick these same fellows up so I was sure that they were willing to sell their pricks. As I gazed at the young studs I wondered how it would feel to have a rigid, juicy penis in my hand again.
"In the last years of our marriage Walter, like most men his age, showed me little interest in sex. Actually I hadn't had a satisfactory fuck in the longest time so I was primed and ready as I drifted about mid-town Manhattan.
"I went into a bar hoping that a he-whore would make me an offer there. Besides, I needed the fortification of alcohol. When I stepped into this joint I discovered that I was the only unescorted female there.
"The bartender didn't look too happy when he brought me a drink because he realized that unescorted females of any age meant trouble.
"It wasn't long before the man on my right at the bar offered to buy me a drink. He was about forty or so and no beauty but he was a man, at least. He was also pretty drunk. After a minute or so he started asking me personal questions.
"When I told him that my husband had deserted me, he said, 'That's a coincidence ... I deserted my wife.'
"This made me hate him right away because he reminded me of Walter. Still, because I was so alone, I stayed in the bar with him. He never told me his name and I don't believe I gave him mine. That's the way things are in New York; people meet, screw, separate but never exchange names.
"The guy led me out of the joint and into his car which was parked nearby. He drove down a few blocks to a dark area and parked again. He started pawing my body and mumbling in an alcoholic fashion.
"I was ready enough for affection but I just couldn't cooperate. This lack of warmth on my part made my first pick-up angry. 'What's the matter with you?' he snapped. 'Get with it!'
"He zipped his fly open and brought out his penis. It was long and large but also soft. A mixture of alcohol and age had taken away his power to love. Again he reminded me of Walter. When I sat there in the car I wondered what I had come to Manhattan in the first place for.
"My husband had run off with a girl young enough to be his daughter and, what I wanted, was a boy young enough to be my son. So far I hadn't strayed far from my marriage bed because this stranger was just another Walter.
"The man pushed my dress up and started to pull at my panties. What feeling I had had before was now gone. I opened the door of the car and stepped out.
'"Where are you going?' he demanded.
'"I have a dental appointment,' I answered because it was the first thing that popped into my mind.
"He grunted, displaying his frustration. 'What am I doing with an old bag like you in the first place?' he said and drove off.
"An old bag! I suppose that's what I was. The man had been no chicken but, at least, he was younger than fifty. In a world where being over thirty was considered something of a sin, I felt I had no right to sex.
"A man in his fifties could look for younger females but a woman of the same age couldn't be as free.
"I went back to the hotel and felt sick and disgusted with myself. I had come to New York in the first place hoping to find love, or, at least, sex but all I found was a hateful drunk. It was hours before I fell asleep.
"There is a saying about each new day being the first day of the rest of your life. When I woke the next morning I decided to find some kind of affection or excitement. I was willing enough to pay a young stud to screw me and New York City was supposed to be loaded with male hustlers.
"After breakfast I went wandering around
Times Square again. I wanted to see what kind of an adventure I could find when perfectly sober. The sun was shining and this made me feel safer and more secure. I didn't know if young studs hustled before dark but I was determined to find out.
"I walked along Broadway and saw a number of young males loitering against walls. I watched as a middle-aged man picked one of the best looking ones up and go off with him. The rest of the boys exchanged glances and I knew that they were all willing to sell their bodies.
"Although I didn't know it at the time I had come upon a 'meat rack' which is a place male whores wait to be picked up by clients. Usually these clients are other males because middle-aged women simply didn't go looking for prostitutes the way men did.
"I, of course, was an exception that proved this rule wrong.
"My heart pounded faster as I walked down the street along the meat rack. The boys didn't pay me any attention because they just couldn't believe that I was interested in buying their waiting cocks.
"One of the lads was hardly more than a child. He had dark hair that was fashionably long and a rather slight figure which made him appear younger than his seventeen years. He was wearing jeans, a black leather jacket, a tee shirt and cowboy boots.
"Boys who hustled homosexuals favored this get up since it projected an illusion of masculinity. Since I knew that this youngster was a prostitute I didn't feel too badly about accosting him. After all, it wasn't as if I were trying to seduce an innocent.
'"You look hungry,' I said. 'Want me to buy you some breakfast?'
"The boy showed me a fleeting expression of surprise but then realized I was a prospective client despite my gender. I led him into a nearby cafeteria and the boy obviously was hungry because he ordered about two dollars worth of eggs, bacon, French toast and coffee.
"I only had coffee since I had already eaten and watched him devour the food. Between mouthfuls I learned that his name was Bobby, that he was seventeen, and that he had been in the city for the past four months. I didn't have to ask how he had been supporting himself.
"Once Bobby had eaten he seemed brighter and handsomer. He also became more talkative. 'You're the first woman who ever picked me up,' he said. 'I've seen it happen to some of the other guys but this is the first time it ever happened to me.'
'"Well, I guess I'm a change of pace for you then,' I smiled.
'"Yeah. I'm not really a queer, you know. I dig broads.'
"I was delighted at being called a 'broad'. It made me feel young. We left the cafeteria and headed towards my hotel. I didn't want to be seen entering the place with an obvious male hustler in tow so I gave Bobby my room number and told him to use the stairs while I went up in the elevator.
"He said that he knew the routine since he had gone through with it so many times before with men. When I got to my room I was afraid that the lad would change his mind and not come.
"But I wasn't alone for more than five minutes when I heard a quiet knock at the door. I opened it and Bobby slipped inside.
"For the first time I realized I hadn't discussed price. Bobby was a professional hooker, after all, despite his childish figure. When I brought the subject up he shrugged his shoulders. 'Sometimes I get twenty bucks,' he said.
"I knew that I could argue him down to half that fee but I thought that twenty dollars for the body of a teenaged stud was very reasonable so I agreed to his price. The lad seemed surprised that I had accepted it so easily. No doubt he was used to lower prices.
"I wondered how much he made in a week, anyhow. By his slim body I could see that he wasn't used to eating well.
'"Maybe I better take a shower first,' he said almost shyly.
"This told me that he wasn't used to living in a room with a private bath, too, and I directed him to my private John. Bobby walked into the clean, tiled room and started stripping not bothering to close the door. He was showing off his body to me.
"The seventeen year old lad wore a dirty pair of shorts. When he took this last garment off I could see his penis which was in a state of erection. His thin legs were lightly-haired and his young ass was boyishly small. Only his stiffly erected dick revealed adulthood.
"The boy grinned at me and walked into the shower stall. When I heard the water being turned on I started to take off my own clothes excitedly. I gazed at my nakedness in the mirror.
"I didn't have the kind of body to show off as Bobby had. My breasts were no longer firm and hung down with huge, flat nipples that looked as if they had been sucked dry. My waist was thick and I had a rear end that seemed three times larger than the boy's.
"I hoped that my fifty-ish shape wouldn't turn the young stud off and make him lose that wonderful potency.
"I heard the shower being turned off. Bobby reappeared on the bathroom tiles. His dark hair lay wet and limp over his forehead but his young, juicy meat still stood up like a flagpole. As he dried his shiny damp body he stared at my nakedness.
'"Haven't had a broad since I came to New
York,' he confessed.
'"Maybe I should charge you,' I told him.
"Bobby continued to dry himself and his hair now stood up as if every strand was in a state of erotic excitement. He came out of the bathroom and stood next to me. The lad was only an inch or so taller and he was about fifty pounds lighter.
'"Let's go to bed,' I urged.
"I spread out on the bed and the nude boy rubbed one of his hands almost wildly over my snatch. I had been afraid that the youngster would force himself to love me for a price but I knew that he really wanted sexual contact in spite of the fact that there was over three decades between us.
"Bobby was starved for heterosexual love as well as food. His young penis throbbed visibly and I grabbed it. For the first time in years I felt a really hard dick.
"Bobby mounted my body and rammed his manly tool inside my flesh. We both sighed at the same moment. I embraced the lad hard and slipped my hands all over his smooth, narrow back.
"Bobby plowed into me swiftly and with a power born of genuine desire. He was no sloppy, middle-aged drunk who thought he was doing me a favor. The seventeen year old grunted as he screwed me and his dick seemed to be growing and getting harder inside my body. I felt like a virgin again on my wedding night because this was how my husband banged me that first time.
"Bobby pushed against me and lay still with his mighty meat dug well into my cleft. He spewed out his semen and it felt like a hose of hot water being turned on inside my flesh. He came on, twice, three times, four times rapidly and kept on coming until he was finally dry.
"The slim lad slid off my body and breathed hard. 'You're a nice lay for an old..., ' he began and then stopped himself.
'"An old lady?' I added. 'Well, that's just what I am but even women my age need sex. We don't take the veil once we pass the age of thirty.'
"I leaned over and started licking the boy's smooth chest. When my big breasts rolled against his body he massaged them with both hands. My once limp nipples had stiffened with passion by this time and he kept rubbing his thumbs over them.
'"Let me suck your tits,' he all but begged.
"I obliged by placing one of my stiff nipples on his lips. He opened his mouth and started to suck it hard. I pressed my body against him and played with his penis and testicles.
"Bobby put his arms around me and pressed his face deep into my breast by embracing me tightly. Although the lad was a prostitute there was still very much of the child left in him.
"When a male demonstrates partialism to breasts that is always a sign of immaturity. Bobby sucked my nipple with such fervor I thought he was about to bite it off and swallow it, he was that tit-hungry.
"His penis started to erect again as I masturbated him. This surprised me because I hadn't seen a male sex organ react like that since my honeymoon. Bobby, in his splendid youth, was bringing me back to my own salad days.
"The boy took his mouth away from my nipple and climbed on top of my body. Once more he rammed his tool into my hairy gash and began to pump. When he reached a climax he came with almost as much vitality as he had before.
"I gave the lad twenty dollars, feeling that he deserved more but I didn't want to spoil him. I told him that we'd meet some other day and exchange flesh for cash. After the boy left I lay on the bed naked and satisfied for the first time in years.
"Bobby showed me that I would be wasting my time in bars since it was so easy to pick up the best young studs in the street. I never did mix sex with alcohol, so I soon became a popular client around the Times Square area. I learned where all the meat racks were.
"My next trip to lad-loving land wasn't as pleasant as the first had been. Not all the hustlers were like Bobby. I picked up Steve in a park next to the big library in mid-town Manhattan. This was a well-known meat rack and a dangerous place for a woman alone at night.
"When I walked through the park past a long line of young males hanging around waiting to be picked up, I trembled. Although I was hunting a stiff young penis, I didn't want to be raped.
"Steve walked in step with me and struck up a conversation. like Bobby, he was seventeen, but there was no child in him. He was a big, tough blond kid who knew his way around the city jungle, and he pegged me right away as an aging woman on a search for youthful thrills.
"I was staying at the same hotel but Steve didn't want to sneak up the stairs as Bobby had done. 'Shit, woman,' he told me, 'I'm no burglar. I'm your stud.'
"When I went up in the elevator with the tough blond boy I knew that I had attracted the attention of the management which was always on guard against unwelcome guests.
"Steve proved to be a sadistic lover. When I stripped off my clothes he shook his head and grinned. 'Well, grandma,' he said, 'this will hurt me more than it will you.'
"He was talking about how difficult it was for him to have sex with a woman of my age. I got the idea he didn't like women at all by the way he stabbed his hard dick into my flesh. It was as if he were trying to get an unpleasant duty over with as quickly as possible. When he had an orgasm it was weak and spare.
"Male whores had just so many good screws in them and it was obvious that Steve had already gotten off rocks previously that day. At any rate, I paid him his fee and he strutted off as if he had accomplished a beautiful love scene.
"Steve had entered my hotel room claiming that he was only a hustler and not a burglar, but, to my dismay, I found that he was actually both, because he had walked off with my wrist watch and cocktail ring which I had left on the night table.
"Naturally I couldn't complain to the house detective, but the man paid me a visit anyhow. It seemed that Steve had worked the hotel before, so it was clear to the detective why I had brought the boy in. The management, in a not too subtle way, made it known that my patronage was no longer acceptable. They didn't care for foolish old ladies who bought the bodies of young studs.
"I was more careful the next time and looked for Bobby, but, alas, couldn't find him. The twilight world of the Midnight Cowboys was not a stable one and boys drifted through it like fishes in a dark and silent sea. For all I knew Bobby had given up hustling and had gone back home.
"Gradually, however, I did become very adept at boy-hunting and knew just which lads to pick up. As I said before, I never pushed myself on a kid who wasn't willing to sell his meat, so all my affairs were on the commercial level. I developed a strong desire for teenaged lads and ignored adult males entirely. I had become a Dirty Old Woman.
"I picked up Kenneth at a bus station in Times Square. It was easy to see that he was another Midnight Cowboy because he was dressed in jeans, black leather jacket and boots. He had a baby-face and was only sixteen which made him just the right target for a sex-hunter of any sex.
"I offered the lad a coke, and like Bobby, he appeared a bit surprised by the fact that a woman was after his body instead of a man. Still, this didn't bother him and he let me bring him to a nearby hotel. I introduced him to the desk clerk as my 'nephew', but could see that the man didn't believe me. I wasn't the first guest to bring in a strange young boy from the street.
"The young lad stared at me when I took off my clothes. He had only been hustling for three weeks and I was his second female client. Somehow it made me feel good that I wasn't the only old doll in the world who wanted the flesh of teenaged lads.
"Kenneth pressed against my rear with his rigid digit between my butt halves. 'Force of habit, I guess,' he whispered. 'This is the way guys like it.'
"I had never tried anal intercourse in my life and I was willing to start now, so I told the young boy to sodomize away. He had me lie on my belly with my ass up. I detected that he preferred doing it this way and assumed that he was more homosexual than heterosexual. Most of the boy prostitutes in New York like to claim that they are straight, but I'm sure that more than a few are as gay as the men they service.
"Kenneth mounted my body and injected the head of his penis into my anus slowly. It hurt, but since he was built on the small size sexually, it could have been a whole lot worse. He slipped his young dick all the way into my anal passage and began to fornicate as if he were in my vagina.
"Once I got used to it, I found sodomy strangely exciting with its mixture of pain and pleasure. The boy's rod of manhood slid deeply into my body and I clutched at the mattress for support. I wanted to cry out but I didn't dare for fear of attracting attention I didn't want. It would be one hell of a position for a respectable suburban matron to find herself in.
"The sixteen year old stud rammed and rammed into my behind and I felt as if my anal passage was on fire. I thought of all the men the boy had reamed like this before me and all the others to follow. I was like a bead of flesh on a long, sad string.
"Kenneth shot his load. The heat and moisture of his juice filled my body and I groaned with sheer delight. The lad lay on top of me until his penis grew limp and he withdrew gently. When I tried to embrace him the boy got off the bed and started to put his clothes back on. Now that he had given his service, he didn't want to waste any time with free affection.
"When I gave the boy ten dollars he left my room without another word. Somehow I got the impression that he was at least a bit insane. Times Square is hardly a health resort.
"I never returned to that hotel because I knew the people there had pegged me as a boy-screwer. It didn't matter because it was rather a dump. When I got tired of getting leers from hotel workers I searched for a place which didn't give a damn about the sex lives of their guests.
"I found this hotel which is something of a sexual zoo. Transvestites, prostitutes, junkies, drunks, pornographers and everything you can imagine lives here. Last night some guys made a blue film in the next room using teenaged kids. When it comes to weird sex, youth is most desired.
"I'm living a double life. In suburbia I'm a respectable matron, while in Times Square I'm a lecher after the bodies of young boys. I don't know how much longer this will go on because I seem to crave lads more and more with every passing affair. I had hoped that my desire for teenaged cocks would've diminished in time, but I've grown nymphomaniacal.
"Every time I see a cute lad of fifteen or so walking along the street I have the greatest urge to cup my hand over his crotch and proposition him. So far I've only accosted prostitutes, but one of these days I might just try to make it with an innocent kid and then get into a mess of trouble.
"Well, maybe that would be the best. I have to be stopped somehow."
Reaction:
Norma's sense of guilt about her passion for teenaged boys is leading her to a sex scandal because she wants to be caught and punished for her pedophiliac affairs. Her growing fears about her ever-increasing needs for boys is making her seek refuge in an arrest or a commitment to a mental hospital.
R. V. Sherwin, in his book, SEX AND THE STATUTORY LAW, claims that many sex criminals secretly hope to be caught because it is the only way they can stop from continuing their assaults upon innocent victims.
Norma may eventually be caught for sexually accosting a minor boy since she now wants to avoid prostitutes in favor of the non-professional lads.
When the matron's husband deserted her for a much younger woman the event had a traumatic effect upon her psychological make-up. The sudden rejection hurt her deeply and, in a need to strike back at her husband, she started to chase boys even younger than the girl he had dumped her for.
Her attempt to have a relationship with an 50 adult male failed because the man reminded her too much of her husband. Having a sex affair with such a man or any other adult male would not satisfy her need for revenge so she sought out teenaged boys instead.
Norma could not bring herself to accost just any lad so she looked for boys who were willing to sell their bodies. By having sex relations with prostitutes the woman can rationalize away the fact that she is a pedophile.
But there is a complication ... Norma doesn't really want to rationalize away her guilt, she wants to be punished for it and that is what is leading her towards an affair with a boy who isn't a prostitute.
One way Norma finds some punishment is by having a relationship with a male prostitute who treats her badly. When a Midnight Cowboy robbed her after a sexual session she was actually pleased for, in this way, she received her pleasure but also paid for it.
George Henry, in his study, SEX VARIANTS, points out that a large number of men who contract V.D. from prostitutes feel that this is just punishment for the sins of the flesh.
Normal looks upon robbery the same way. As much as she tries to justify herself she is still aware of the fact that she is in her fifties while the boys she has sex with are in their teens.
Norma, like the other mature women studied in this book, gave her taped confession in an effort to find an outlet for her guilt and also to cry for help.
She does not want to go on making love with lads in their teens but she is still reeling from the traumatic effect of her husband's desertion and is not fully responsible for her actions.
According to Alfred Kinsey, in his study, THE SEXUAL BEHAVIOR IN THE HUMAN FEMALE, the older woman feels the effects of a desertion more than a younger woman because she had given so many more years to her husband and this compounds the rejection.
At the age of fifty Norma should have been preparing for a companionable retirement with her husband but, instead, she found herself cast out upon the world again alone and in need of love. Out of her pain and desperation she turned to teenaged lads for the love that vanished with her husband.
CHAPTER THREE...
MARIANNE
Case History: Marianne E. ... Age: 41.
The subject is a tall, thin, sad-eyed woman who has never been married. She works as a librarian in a small town in Kansas. Since there is only one library in this town I will not name it because it would only identify the interviewee. The taping took place in the house Marianne's parents had left her and where she had spent all her life.
"Quiet here, isn't it? When my parents were alive my brothers and sisters were around, this house seemed small and noisy. Now it is like a big morgue. I really don't need all this room and I'd sell it in a minute if I could find a buyer. But, you see, the trend is away from small towns and these old houses are a drug on the market. All the young people move away to big cities once they get old enough.
"That's what happened to my brothers and sisters. They all left home once they got their high school diplomas. Each one of them got married within five years after they left and I'm the only spinster in the family. If I had left right after high school I might have married, too. But I was never the traveling kind and enjoyed the home fires too much.
"I had a very happy childhood so you can't blame my present problems on a terrible past. But, now that I think of it, maybe it would've been a blessing in disguise if my childhood had been unhappy and I had been driven out into the world to sink or swim. I probably would've sank, though. That's my nature. I'm a born loser.
"As I said my childhood was happy but childhood doesn't last. When I entered the dating age I didn't date. I reached my adult height at fourteen, so, as you can see, I was a very awkward girl. If my breasts had developed more or if my face had been prettier, it wouldn't have been so bad, but, as it was, I withdrew into a shell and avoided social contact because it was so painful for me.
"My parents did their best to get me out of my-shell but I was just too self-conscious about my gangling arms and legs and my excessive height to dare the storms of teenaged dating. My brothers and sisters, however, had good social lives and this gave them the poise to leave home base. It wasn't long before I found myself the only one of the kids left behind.
"Since my parents were aging, I used that as an excuse never to leave home. Someone had to take care of them.
"Because I've always loved books, it was only natural for me to become a librarian. It was easy enough for me to find a position in the town's only library for no one wanted to be stuck there. It was strictly an old-maid's job and the other unmarried women of the town avoided it like poison because it was the last place in the world to find a husband.
"When I took the job everyone said it was only natural for me since it was obvious I wasn't the marrying kind. I was consigned to spinsterhood before I was twenty-five. People had the weird idea that I was totally disinterested in sex. How wrong they were! I thought about sex almost all of my waking hours, and while sleeping, I often had the most erotic dreams.
"When someone is denied sexual outlet in the real world his fantasy world develops quickly. Masturbation became my sole comfort outside of dreaming. Over the years I've used all sorts of instruments on myself such as rubber hoses, pipes, bottles, broom handles and so forth. My parents never did know about my rich masturbatory sex life and considered me a 'good' girl.
"I enjoyed dancing about in the nude with mirrors all over the room. When my parents were still alive I had to be careful about being found out, but when they died eight years ago in an auto accident, I took to pulling down all the shades and walking around the entire house in the nude.
"I fell in love with a number of movie and television stars and always imagined that I was being screwed by them when I pushed phallic instruments into my vagina. As a matter-of-fact, I lost my virtue to a cucumber while thinking about my favorite actor. It happened when I was nineteen, an age when at least half the girls in America lost their maidenhoods.
"When I saw this pile of cucumbers at the grocery, my face flushed with sexual heat. I had been masturbating on a fairly regular basis by then and I was very much aware of penis-shaped objects. No one at home ate cucumbers, but I bought four of them. The smallest was five inches and the largest was about eight inches. I bought them with the express purpose of using them as my love life.
"As soon as I got home I hurried up into my room and locked the door. I stripped off all my clothes and handled the green, hard, warty cucumbers. My vagina began to warm and itch with desire. So far I hadn't probed deeply between my legs in my masturbatory injections, but now I wanted to go all the way and see what it felt like to have an object that was even larger than a male prick.
"At first I used the five-incher and stood in front of a mirror as I pushed it inside my opening. I shoved about half of the cucumber into my sexual passage and pulled it out again. The hard, knobby shape of the dildo slid over my clitoris and made it stiffen. I placed the small cucumber down and picked up the largest one. If I was going to go all the way and make myself bleed, I wanted to have the biggest and the best phallus.
"I licked the thick, long, hard, green cucumber and thought of my favorite actor. I crooned softly to the object and imagined myself kneeling before the young man who had his sex organ exposed and aroused. Girls aren't supposed to think about such things as fellatio, especially ones who live in small towns in Kansas. But, as I said, I had a rich fantasy life which included every possible erotic act and position.
"I left the mirror and stretched out on my bed naked with my legs spread wide. I placed a pillow over my breasts and hugged it, pretending that my nude actor was on top of me. As I held the cucumber with one hand, it began to feel like flesh and blood.
"Slowly I rubbed the smooth tip of the object up and down along my pubic area. 'Do it, love! Do it!' I gasped to my unseen lover.
"I pushed the first inch of the cucumber into my vagina and moaned. The thing was really too big for a nineteen year old virgin, but I was so sex-hungry, I wanted all of it. I pushed it another inch. In a spasm of passion, I lifted my knees and flattened them out again across the mattress.
"It went in another inch ... and another. Deep inside my body I felt maidenhood resist the intruder. I usually stopped probing at this point but this time I pushed the phallus in further. There was a tearing and a fleeting moment of pain. Blood rose up and made the green cucumber scarlet.
"I pushed it in still further until I could take no more. All I hung on to now was the last inch of the eight inch object. That wasn't bad for a kid who had never been laid in her life.
"Instead of pulling the phallus out, I left it in and mopped up the blood with a towel. I squirmed on the bed without inhibitions and gloried in the pain caused by the green penis. After nineteen years of not feeling passion, I wanted to feel and feel and feel, no matter how much it hurt. My vagina was alive at last.
"Those four cucumbers became my four boyfriends. I even gave them each a name which shows you how sick with loneliness I was. I called the biggest one by the name of my favorite actor and called the smallest one 'Dickie'. There were nights I used all four. I often pushed 'Dickie' up my ass while sucking on another and screwing myself with the third. Just so the fourth wouldn't feel rejected, I let it roll freely between my breasts. Oh, the orgies I used to have alone in my room with four cucumbers!
"When I first started masturbating, I thought that it was just as passing thing that all girls go through, but I never did break the habit. Yes, today, at the age of forty-one, I still masturbate. My brief fling into heterosexual love increased rather than decreased my desires.
"As I grew older I noted, with some despair, the children of the people I used to go to school with maturing and leaving town. When these children were younger, I used to watch them come into my library and take out books. I watched an entire generation grow up in the library and leave.
"The few young ones that have remained are already talking about getting married, so I guess I'll see their children grow up about me.
"I've also watched the children of my brothers and sisters grow up. Out of my loneliness, I offered my nieces and nephews the run of this house any time they want it, but few of them care about living in such a small, dusty town even for a weekend. Still, they do drop around now and then.
"Sonny is the fifteen year old boy of my sister who lives in Washington, D.C. Her husband is with the government and Sonny is their only child. They used to come out here when the boy was younger and I always spoiled the lad. Sonny was such a pretty boy. He used to crawl into my lap and have me read him bedtime stories. I didn't know it at the time, but this child would eventually become my first, and so far, only lover.
"Yes, I'm talking about incest. You are looking at a woman who has seduced her fifteen year old nephew.
"Sonny dropped by last summer on his school vacation without warning. Since I told him that he was welcomed at any time, he took me at my word. It was the first time in his life that he traveled so far alone, so I recognized his trip as an adventure in maturity.
"When he claimed he had hitchhiked most of the way from Washington to Kansas, I envied him. At the age of fifteen, he was already well on his way to adulthood which was more than I could say about myself. At the ripe age of forty-one I was still a fearful child.
"Sonny didn't have any special plans, so he could stay with me until school opened in September. The boy talked about staying for a few days and then moving on to California. He wanted to spend his summer vacation hitchhiking from coast-to-coast.
"In an effort to keep the lad with me, I spoiled him as always and gave him enough money to spend on movies and bowling alleys. There wasn't much for an active fifteen year old boy to do in town, especially one from a city like Washington, D.C.
"To keep his interests up I introduced him to some of the teenagers I knew through the library. 'Maybe you'll find a nice girl,' I teased my nephew.
"Sonny certainly had the looks to attract a flock of girls. He was big for his age, blond, blue-eyed and handsome. It was my hope that he would fall in with the local teenagers and stay on to enjoy their company.
"My nephew was a hit with the local kids and soon he was inviting to my home. He asked me if it would be all right to have teenagers over. All right? After living alone for so many years I ached to fill the rooms with youth and life.
"Sonny was somewhat more sophisticated than the teenagers of the town, and this made him all the more attractive to the girls. I watched them gaze at him lovingly and recalled my own youth when I hungered for boys. It began to dawn on me that Sonny wasn't the child I used to cuddle in my lap. He was old enough to have strong sexual interests ... and to carry them out.
"My nephew favored a very pretty local girl who was just his age and he dated her several times. Sonny now didn't seem to anxious to go wandering all over the country. I loved having a man about the house even though he was only fifteen and my sister's son.
"I loved having someone else to cook for besides myself. After Sonny came back from a date I sat in his bedroom and had him tell me all about it. In a way I was reliving the dating age I had missed when I was his age through him.
"I gathered that my nephew wanted to go all the way with the girl he had a crush on but she, true daughter of a small Kansas town, drew the line wide and clear and never allowed him to go beyond wet kisses.
"Have you ever fucked?" I asked the boy, enjoying the use of that popular term.
"Sonny seemed both shocked and pleased at my use of the word. I guess he had me pegged as an old maid and it was my intent to give him the idea that I swung pretty good despite my age, looks and occupation.
'"No,' he said in response to my question into his sexual life. 'Have you?'
"The boy was stretched out on top of the bed wearing his jockey shorts and nothing else while I was wrapped up in a terry cloth robe ... and nothing else. Ever since the boy arrived I had been encouraging him to become as informal as possible in dress, deeds and words.
"Although I was aware that there was a sexual interest at the root of this attitude incest hadn't entered the picture.
"I made up stories about my very active love life using all the wonderful crude four letter words. My fifteen year old nephew looked at me with new eyes as he took it all in.
"I was exciting him with my lies and I also found the mere voicing of eroticism to another human being as big a thrill. I told Sonny about the time I took four boys on at once remembering my orgy with the cucumbers.
"The boy was young enough to accept anything an adult told him about sex and yet old enough to respond physically. I watched the bulge at the crotch of his jockey shorts grow larger and larger.
"When I looked down at the outline of his fully erected penis against the thin cloth I couldn't help myself. I slipped one of my. hands over it and felt his sex organ jump. Still playing the part of an experienced woman of the world I pretended to be very casual and said, 'You really pack a cannon there, Sonny. Let me have a look.'
"The boy didn't hesitate a second and lifted his behind so he could pull his shorts off. And then I saw a human phallus for the first time ever. The lad's erect tube of flesh was about five inches long and dark pink.
"His darker testicles were lightly covered with blond hairs and his pubic patch was as yellow as corn. I closed my hand over his stiff pole of meat so that only the shiny head of it showed.
"I did my best to sound objective and sophisticated when I said, 'Nice. You're going to have a lot of fun with this, Sonny.'
"He trembled and swallowed hard. The boy was thoroughly enjoying this incestuous scene. 'I haven't had much fun with it so far, Aunt Marianne,' he confessed. 'Man, I just got to get me some pussy.'
'"Well, I've introduced you to some nice girls in town.'
'"That's just the trouble ... they're too nice,' he told me. And then he got very confidential. 'Aunt Marianne ... are there any ... cathouses around here?'
"I had wanted to be closer to my handsome nephew and I was getting my wish. Now the lad wanted me to fix him up with a woman. This request didn't revolt me. It seemed only natural that a virile young lad would want to have intercourse.
'"There are no cathouses in this little town,' I told him. 'But you don't have to go to one.'
"I leaned forward and took the shiny head of his penis orally. I had sucked off a variety of phallic objects in my time and now, at last, I had the real thing in my mouth. After all those cold, lifeless dildoes my fifteen year old nephew's penis was manna from heaven.
"Sonny began to breath harder as I fellated him. He was nearing something I had never gotten from the hundreds of phallic objects I had used ... an orgasm. My mouth worked with erotic fury as my head bobbed up and down along the length of his manhood.
"Then he released his fluid. It leapt into my oral cavity and I swallowed with complete abandon. I had daydreamt about fellatio for so long that it was not all that unusual to me now that I had the reality. I kept mouthing the handsome lad until he squirted all his sperm into me and his penis began to go limp.
'"That's known as a French job,' I told my nephew. 'A woman in a cathouse would charge you at least five dollars for that. See how much I've saved you?'
"I was surprised at my reasonably calm attitude. I had just gone down on my fifteen year old nephew and yet it all seemed so natural. Why had I always been so hung up on sex, anyhow? It was really sweet and simple.
"Sonny didn't appear to be disturbed by the fact that his aunt had Frenched him, either. He lay on the bed with his legs parted and his limp tube in one hand. 'Gee..., ' he said with boyish wonder. 'That was a groove.'
'"Sex is a groove,' I told him. 'It beats me why so many people of my age make such a big fuss about it.'
"'And I always thought you were an old maid,' he said.
"Sweetheart,' I answered lying pleasantly, 'the reason I don't want to marry is that I don't want to be stuck with one guy. If I want to I can have this house filled with men and boys screwing every hole I got. I could have them here tomorrow.'
"The lad's lustful eyes bore into my body. 'Yeah?' he responded thickly.
"Now he wanted to see me naked. Again this seemed to be only natural and human. I stood up and faced him as he lay there massaging his young penis. I took off the robe and let his eyes eat my flesh with savage and silent hunger.
"To a fifteen year old boy the nude body of a woman, even that of an aging aunt, was a mystery. Now the lad was getting a full education in female anatomy. What was so terrible about that?
"There are nudist camps where children of all ages walk about naked with equally nude adults and they grew up sound and healthy. What was the harm in me revealing my breasts and vagina to the questing eyes of a normal teenaged boy?
"I only wished that my uncle had exposed himself to me when I was a girl. With a knowledge of sex and the male anatomy I wouldn't have brooded so much about eroticism.
'Aunt Marianne,' the lad gasped, 'you're beautiful!'
"Tears sprang to my eyes. 'No one had ever said that to me before. I had grown into adulthood certain that I was ugly and now this darling child was telling me that I was beautiful. I knew that, in time, he would not find me so attractive once he looked at other naked females.
"But, for the moment, I was a sex queen. I wanted to make the moment last so I lay next to him on the bed. The boy immediately rolled over on his side and fingered my sexual slit.
"I thought of all the times I had fingered myself in the loneliness of this very room. After the death of my parents I had moved into their room and I had let the boy use mine. When his fingers dug into my vagina it was as if I were being touched for the first time.
"I have had bigger things in my cleft but nothing excited me as much as the exploring fingers of a fifteen year old boy.
"My nephew was trying to excite me as much as he was examining the mystery of my womanhood. He leaned over my body with his eyes only inches above his fingers. I took his erecting penis in my hand and pressed closer to his naked young warmth.
"I had dreamt so often of having a boy in this bed with me and now it had happened. Once Sonny achieved an erection he was ready for that final sex act that would make him a man in the erotic sense. So far I hadn't actually engaged in true incest with my nephew but that time had arrived where I had to either accept or reject him.
"He took his fingers away from my pubic area and turned to face me. His expression was set with need. I just couldn't reject him. I placed my hands against his face and kissed him hard on the lips. This was all the signal he needed.
"The boy mounted my body and, in his virginal clumsiness, he thrust his stiff dick between my thighs instead of inside my vagina. I was hardly an experienced woman myself at the art of intercourse but I grabbed his penis and guided it into my hairy cleft.
"Sonny's sex organ slid into me easily. The walls of my vagina had been toughened through decades of masturbating with dildoes of all sizes but the lad still thrilled me because his was the first real male organ to ever enter my lonely passageway.
"I opened my mouth and my nephew responded by doing the same. While he had French kissed before this was my first experience. Our tongues played wetly as Sonny lifted his thighs and then pushed down into me again. This was his very first fornicating stroke in a career of love that I was sure would last for many years and many more women.
"The sturdy young lad rammed into me again and again. Each time he became more confident of himself. Sex, like everything else, was a learning process and my nephew was an apt pupil.
"He pumped with vital passion even though he had climaxed only moments before. While my experience with men was very limited I did know that the male sex organ was not an ever hard pole like a cucumber and went limp after spewing.
"Sonny thrust his lovely meat into my sex starved flesh and I dug my fingers into his moving rump. He kept pumping even when he started to shoot semen again. I took a good hold on his ass and pushed his torso against mine so that his dick would be deep into me during the climax.
"We continued to tongue one another as he spilled over and his body shook with lust. After he had emptied his fluid into my body he sucked each of my nipples. I had always considered my breasts to be underdeveloped but the teenaged recent virgin was making me feel like a mature woman ... a beautiful woman.
"If my nephew had any plans to wander over the country for the remainder of his vacation they were gone now. We slept together and became lovers without shame or remorse.
"At the back of my mind was the nagging voice that told me it was all wrong but I ignored it as I enjoyed love for the first time in my life.
"When Sonny left that voice became louder and I didn't have the lad's waiting arms to run into. Every time I looked at the bed shared that first night I became very depressed. Incest. That was the word. I couldn't avoid it. I had seduced my fifteen year old nephew.
"Only the knowledge that I hadn't destroyed the lad prevented me from going insane. Sonny keeps writing me long letters, the kind that lovers write to one another, and he wants me to visit him in Washington this Christmas.
"I know that he wants to have sex with me again right in his own house occupied by his parents. The letters I send him are more guarded because I don't want one of them to fall into my sister's hands.
"I'm sure she's wondering what her son finds so attractive about the old maid librarian back in Kansas. If she ever found out it would kill her ... or she would kill me."
Reaction:
Marianne is an exceptionally guilt ridden woman and that is why she thinks that only death would resolve her problems. If her nephew had demonstrated that the sexual affair had depressed him rather than excited him she would have lost her hold on sanity.
Only the knowledge that she had sexually satisfied her nephew keeps her alive and reasonably sane. The boy proved to her that she was a genuine woman after all and this fact has lifted her spirits.
Incest or not, her affair with the fifteen year old lad was a very successful one.
Guilt and sex began at the same moment for Marianne when she started masturbating for the first time as a girl. John Trimble, in his book, AUTOEROTIC ACTIVITIES, claims that most people look upon masturbation as evidence that they are not attractive enough to have a sexual companion. This is especially true of adults who cannot use the excuse that they arc only indulging in a youthful outlet because they are not experienced enough to have intercourse.
The older the masturbator is the greater is his guilt. Marianne, at the age of forty-one, is guilty enough about her autoeroticism without adding the burden of pedophilia and incest.
Incest actually occurs between older males and girls but Marianne's case is an exception. Sigmund Freud, in his work on incest, TOTEM AND TABOO, maintains that every culture from the most primitive to the most sophisticated has laws against sex relationships between members of the same family.
Some cultures accept adultery and homosexuality as minor sins but even the most permissive of them reserves its harshest penalties for incest.
If Sonny had been a boy other than a blood kin Marianne would still feel guilty about the sex affair but not quite as much as she does now. She still remembers her nephew as the child she used to hold on her knee and this is tearing her apart.
As an aunt she is supposed to guard her nephew's morals rather than go to bed with him. She dreads the thought of meeting the boy again for fear that her needs would cause her to rekindle the incestuous relationship yet, because Sonny is the only male who has ever shown her love, she also craves his attentions once more.
This boy, despite the fact he is her fifteen year old nephew, has made her feel like a woman and this is something she requires most of all. Ever since she was a girl Marianne has been using phallic instruments on herself and, now that a male has given her his penis, she doesn't want to return to that dreaming, sterile, masturbatory life again.
Yet the librarian has gone back to masturbation because it has become such a strong habit with her. The only way she can break away from this habit is by having a lover around at all times. The only lover the woman knows is her young nephew.
Marianne is not the kind to go searching for other boys because she is simply not that overt and aggressive. Her pedophilia only came about through chance because the boy had been so available.
It is un-likely that, now that she has tasted the young flesh of boys, Marianne will begin a career in pedophilia. For one thing she cannot afford to do so in her small, tightly knit town where she would be uncovered right away.
Because her affair with her nephew had taken place in the privacy of her home where the lad had a reasonable right to be it went unnoticed in her community but, once she started to seek other boys in town, she would lose her job as well as reputation.
The woman's problems will resolve themselves once her nephew starts finding girls his own age. This will stop him from seeking out his aunt for sexual pleasure and the letters will no longer come to the lonely spinster in a dusty Kansas town. Either way Marianne will be a loser.
CHAPTER FOUR.. .
JULIE
Case History: Julie E. ... Age: 37.
The subject is a shapely woman married to a dentist. She has a house in the suburbs of Chicago but this interview took place in a rest home where she is recuperating from a suicide try and a nervous breakdown. Her doctors gave her permission to tape her confession because they felt that it would aid in her recovery.
"I guess I'll have to reenter the world some day but I feel safe in this rest home. My doctors say that all the patients here feel the same way; this is a womb we all retreat to in times of trouble.
"I suppose they want to see me leave and face the horrible facts that drove me here in the first place. Well, I have nothing against facing facts as this taped interview will prove.
"I'm not one of these people gifted with total recall so I'll not go all the way back to my baby days where, no doubt, I will find that my troubles began when my mother didn't give me her nipple upon demand. No, I'll start with Kevin which is only eight months ago.
"Kevin is a sixteen year old boy who moved in next door to me and my husband. He was the oldest boy in a family of five other youngsters. His father was a foreman in a plant in Chicago and his mother had her hands full just being a mother to such a large brood.
"After three miscarriages myself, I stopped trying to have children. My husband, Arnold, was disappointed and talked about adoption but we never did get around to bringing a child into our lives. Maybe it was all for the best when I think about what happened.
"The people who sold the house to this young family were a retired couple who went to live in Florida. After their almost death-like silence Kevin and his family came on like gang-busters.
"Frankly I welcomed the noise and the action. The kids started to drift over to my place once they found I had a free hand with the cookies. I suppose I was just a childless woman finding some kind of outlet for her maternal feelings.
"Kevin, being a sixteen year old, didn't come for cookies. His main ambition in life was to become seventeen so he could get a driver's license. He spent hours working on the family car in the garage until he had it humming perfectly. It was his talent with motors that formed our first social contact.
"Arnold knew a great deal about teeth but nothing at all about cars. He called the garage for the slightest problem. When the car wouldn't start one cold morning Kevin offered to give the battery a boost.
"The boy seemed so eager to work on a new car that I allowed him to hook up the battery with cables leading to his family's automobile. He started the car in a minute and Arnold offered the boy money, but he wouldn't take it.
"'Hell, what are neighbors for?' he grinned.
"When my husband drove off I invited the lad in for coffee and cake which was the least I could do. I liked Kevin right away because he was a bright, attractive, engaging boy.
"I learned that he planned to go to college and was looking forward to leaving home. 'Hell, what kind of action can you have when you live with your folks?' he told me.
"The 'action' he was talking about, of course, meant girls. This didn't surprise me but his easy confidence to me, almost a stranger, did. Kevin was not the shy type. He spoke his mind with all the refreshing directness of his extreme youth. When he discovered that I was childless, he said, 'Are you on the pill?'
"His question annoyed me but I told him, without any show of emotion, about my miscarriages. The boy shook his thick, chestnut hair and bit into a piece of coffee cake. 'You can have three of my brothers and sisters if you want them,' he said with his mouth full.
"I thought of Kevin as a brat, an engaging one but still a brat. Yet, when he left, the house seemed strangely empty. I wasn't used to having such young people around me and I found I rather liked it.
"Kevin's brothers and sisters began to make my house their second home, but I didn't mind. Their mother seemed to be pleased that I wasn't a crank, because her last neighbor hated everyone under the age of twenty.
"All the children were very warm and friendly and they soon were playing with the other kids in the district so that they no longer had reason to hang out in my house. You see, children tend to associate with other children so that they naturally drifted in each other's home. Since I had no children they had no reason to drop by. I missed them.
"Kevin, the sixteen year old, didn't waste much time finding girls. He was soon dating at least three of them on my block alone. To make money for his dates he worked at various odd jobs. When anyone wanted some work done on a car, they called for Kevin. He quickly got the reputation as a reliable mechanic so he started making enough money to pursue his love life. I hesitated to call it a sex life, because I had the old-fashioned notion that boys of sixteen should be virgins.
"I hired Kevin to mow the lawn and help me with heavy work around the house. He was good company along with being a good worker, so I found myself looking for things he could do just so I could talk to him. When the car needed cleaning and waxing I didn't have a garage man do it but called for Kevin.
"After the lad had finished, he came into the house expecting to be paid. I didn't give him the money right away because I wanted him to sit and chat awhile. I gave him a can of soda and got him to talk about his life's ambition. Kevin wasn't one to think far ahead and he only pointed his snub nose to immediate goals like getting a driver's license and moving away from home.
"I suppose 'callow' would best describe the lad, but I convinced myself that it was something he would eventually outgrow.
'"What kind of girl will you marry?' I asked, bringing sex into our conversation for the first time.
'"A rich one,' he told me quickly. '"You mean you'd actually marry for money?'
"He looked at me blankly. 'What other reason is there?'
"His glance and question threw me. 'Well ... there's always love,' I stammered.
"Kevin shrugged his shoulders and made a sound with his mouth. 'Hell, I'm getting all the love I can handle now,' he said.
"I felt the blood pound in my temples. I wondered just what he meant by 'love'. Although the boy was only sixteen, he seemed to be very self-possessed for his age. Maybe he was having a sex life after all. The girls he was going with on the block were known to be swingers who went in for mini-skirts and late hours.
"They always did seem a bit too wise for their years to me, but I never imagined that they went all the way with boys. But, if they did, Kevin was sure to be there. Boys of sixteen were generally shy around girls but he was the exception.
"I don't want to sound like a prude because I'm not. I had my first sex experience when I was eighteen when I let a boy screw me in his car. It was a rather messy affair and I still remember how the boy took pains to put a rubber on his erected penis and then take it off again after he had finished.
"After that there were two other boys before I married Arnold and turned respectable. Three one-shot experiences before marriage can't rate me as a slut because I never was wild, as some girls are.
"Kevin made me think of my teen years and my moment, brief though they were, of lust. Kevin was sixteen and the girls he was dating were about the same age. Maybe girls and boys were screwing earlier. After all, I was just a couple of years older before I had my first sex experience.
"Then I remembered when Kevin brought up the subject of the pill that day he had started my husband's car. My first boy had used a rubber. Perhaps rubbers were out now and the pill was in. Instead of a boy protecting himself it was up to the girl. With so many birth-control devices available to the youngest person, it was little wonder the birth rate was dropping.
"Sex experiences before marriage no longer carried with it the horrors of unwanted pregnancies. The pill was now the 'in' thing for teenyboppers to carry in their purses.
"I don't know why I became so preoccupied with Kevin's sex life, but I did. When I got him over to my house on another job, I got him to talk about his girl friends. He then told me that he had been having sex relations for the past year and a half ... since he was fourteen!
"Kevin appeared surprised that I was so shocked by his revelation. 'What's the big deal about that?' he wanted to know. 'Sex is normal. As long as you don't make someone do something against his will or rape a kid, then a consenting couple can do anything they want.'
"The boy was telling me the popular credo of today's Love Generation. The term 'consenting couple' had been said before in countless panel discussions over television and radio about youth's morals and mores. I had to remember Kevin was living in an age where nudity was flaunted in public on stage and in the street and where people make no bones about the fact that they are living in unwedded bliss with their lovers.
"Kevin was sixteen and at the peak of his sexual powers so what reason was there for him to repress it? If he found a pill-taking teenybopper who was willing to consent all the way with him, why shouldn't he screw her?
"When I told my husband about Kevin and his sex life, he told me that the boy was just 'sounding off. He just couldn't accept the fact that sixteen year old boys and girls today were enjoying sex. But, then, Arnold was something of a square. He was eight years older than I and tended to be sexually indifferent in bed.
"It wasn't a matter of age creeping up on him because Arnold fell asleep ten minutes after our first experience on our wedding night bed.
"As the years went on, my husband looked upon sex as an annoying itch rather than a pleasure. In bed, when he wanted to scratch that itch, he would say something like, 'Want to, dear?'
"Arnold always asked me if I wanted sex and never surprised me with an advance. I envied the women who complained that they had beasts for husbands who grabbed and screwed them at will. My husband was too civilized for such sportive tricks and always gave me a request for love as if he were ordering a plate of beans.
"Anyhow, my husband was a virile enough lover and I couldn't complain. There were times, however, that he screwed me as if he were drilling a bad tooth, out of a sense of duty rather than pleasure. I suppose he had the idea that, as my husband, he had to throw me the meat every now and then to keep me from straying.
"Maybe I'm being too rough on Arnold. He's stayed by me all through the scandal, my suicide attempt and my breakdown. Another man would've beaten me up or screamed for a divorce ... but not Arnold. No, he's too civilized for that.
"But, I'm getting ahead of my story. I was telling you how I finally came to realize that Kevin, that cute boy next door, was the champion stud of the neighborhood. He didn't have to go after girls because they came for him. I used to see these mini-skirted dolls ring his doorbell to see if he could come out and play their most adult games.
"It reached a point where Kevin would hide in the garage until they had gone. Once he even hid in my house to avoid a girl he had stopped caring for. Times certainly have changed. I remember a day when it was the boys who chased the girls.
"It was the time that Kevin hid in my house that the intimacy began between us. It had a natural point of conversation when I talked about the girl he was avoiding. 'She's a pretty thing,' I told him as I glanced through the window at his front porch. The girl was a bit overweight but otherwise attractive.
'"She's a drag,' Kevin told me. 'She can't take the hint I'm not interested in her any more.'
"I watched as the girl gave up trying to contact Kevin and she left the front door in a huff. As I watched her plump rear wiggle down the street, I said, 'Have you had sex with her?'
"'Yeah,' the sixteen year old told me casually. 'A lousy piece of ass, though. All she does is lie there while I do all the work.'
'"Boys are supposed to do all the work,' I said. 'Do you expect her to get on top and do it?'
"Suddenly I found myself making the most erotic conversation with a boy old enough to be my son. While I thought it odd, to say the least, the boy talked as if he found nothing unusual in our conversation. I could be just another one of his pals for all it mattered. Free sexual expression was the thing amongst teenagers.
'"Have you ever taken the male position?' the sixteen year old wanted to know, looking me squarely and unblinkingly in my eyes.
"I touched my throat as if trying to unclog the words that got stuck there. 'Why ... no ... no, Kevin,' I answered both stunned and delighted by our erotic inter-change.
'"You've been married all these years and you've never tried something different?' Kevin asked with surprise. 'You're an attractive woman. If you were my wife, I'd...'
"For the first time, the aggressive lad showed some degree of restraint and didn't finish the statement. But, by now, I wanted to hear what he had on his mind. 'Go on, Kevin,' I urged. 'I'm not as square as you may think.'
"The boy leered at me and said, 'If you were my wife, I'd ram you every which way possible.'
"I smiled weakly. 'Why go after a woman my age when you have all these young girls willing to satisfy you?'
'"Sometimes it's best to go to an established firm instead of a beginner,' he told me with a wink.
"I could've ended the conversation there and sent him home, but I wanted to listen to more. I wanted him to go even further than words. ...
"'Arnold thinks you are all talk and no action,' I told him knowing that he wasn't the kind to let that go by.
"Kevin showed a flash of anger. 'I can give you all the action you want,' he said.
"The boy pressed his lean body against mine and kissed me on the lips. His busy hands groped at my flesh, touching me in all the intimate places. Then he opened his fly and exposed his aroused manhood. 'Take off your clothes,' he all but ordered. 'You can tell your husband afterwards just how much talk I am.'
"The situation had gone far enough and I knew I should've ended it there. I had baited the teenager to this sexual fury and it was up to me to calm him down. But my own sexual fury had taken possession of my body. No boy had shown me such virile wanting since my girlhood days.
"Kevin started to pull off his clothes and I gazed at his naked body. He was muscular with a narrow waist and a smooth chest. He had a good sexual development with a thick patch of pubic hair. His penis was about the size of my husband's and I assumed that the young lad had more than his share of sexual hormones. This had to be the reason why he was so sexually aggressive.
"'Chicken?' Kevin snapped, placing his hands on his bare hips. 'Now who is all talk and no action?'
"I had come to the brink. I still had time to back off and not jump over the cliff of boy-screwing, but my entire being cried for the flesh of this stud. I removed my dress and stepped out of the slippers I was wearing. When I undid my bra and bared my breasts, the sixteen year old boy leered hard.
"'Man, what tits!' he gasped. 'You make the girls I've been banging look like boys!'
"I pulled my panties down and we faced one another completely naked. Kevin looked me over as if I were a prize horse and he was interested in buying me. He walked around my body. His hands swept over my buttocks. 'I love big asses,' he breathed and walked around in front of me again.
'"That girl that just left was pretty broad in the beam,' I reminded him, still wondering why he'd turn down a girl his own age for a woman old enough to be his mother.
'"Yeah, but she can't take it in the ass,' he informed me. 'I like to do everything in bed.'
"The boy was even more sexual than I had imagined. He went in for sodomy. Although I had fellated, I was still an anal virgin. Arnold and the boys in my past had never even attempted to sodomize me.
"Kevin threw one of his arms around my waist and demanded to know where the bedroom was. I walked towards it with the sexually aroused teenager in tow. As soon as the lad saw the bed he all but pushed me into it. He knelt on the mattress and spread my legs wide. In a flash he was on top of me with his engorged penis buried all the way into my vagina.
"The sudden stroke made me gasp aloud. Usually my sex affairs were carried on in silence, but this young boy was making me react as no man or boy had ever made me react before.
"He rammed his tube of flesh with piston-like power. While he was as well-endowed as my husband, he used his dick with such energy that it felt as if it were twice as large. As the saying goes: It isn't what you got but how you use it.
"The lad was so aroused that he couldn't hold back his come any longer and let it fly into my body. His sperm just poured out like a fountain and I pushed up against his body, lifting it. The nipples of my breasts were stiff and probed up against his smooth skin. I forgot about our age difference. This was easy to do because his hard, spewing penis was anything but child-like.
"'Man, oh, man!' Kevin signed after he had emptied himself out into me. 'I dig your meat!'
'"And I dig yours,' I told him, lost in a sexual dream.
"The sixteen year old slipped off my body and looked down at my large breasts and my erected red nipples. He ran his tongue over one of the nipples and then started sucking on it. His teeth hurt but I didn't complain. If the boy wanted me that much he could eat me alive.
"Kevin was full of all kinds of wicked ideas. He sat on my body with his legs straddling my waist. Then he placed his long but limp dick between my breasts. He masturbated himself into hardness by pushing the globes of flesh together so that his penis was caught between them. Air whistled through his thin nostrils in excitement as he rubbed my breasts against his slowly engorging sex organ.
"I never knew that a sexual position could be so imaginative. I had mouthed Arnold a few times and he had gone down on me, but it never became one of our more pupular indoor sports. Most of my sexual experiences were the man-on-top, face-to-face variety of straight screwing. Kevin, with all his youth, knew enough to break away from that traditional mold.
"My eyes were fixed to the head of his dick with its small slit as I watched it swell and grow more livid with lust. My stiff nipples felt as if they were about to burst as Kevin rubbed his palms over them as he pushed my breasts back and forth. Just when I thought it would shoot a load of come, young Kevin rolled me over and rammed his rod between my butt halves.
'"It hurts!' I cried.
"The teenaged boy grumbled and picked up a jar of cold cream from the night table. He greased up his stick and then fingered some of the cold cream into my anus. The boy grabbed my meaty rear hard after he had finished preparing both of us for sodomy. 'I haven't had a can like this in the longest time,' he said thickly.
"Kevin, not as pushy as he had been before, slipped his warm tool of flesh between my butts and inched into my rear opening. With the cold cream, he managed to slide into my body, but with some effort. There was still some pain, but I wanted to have this sexual act that was unique to me, completed. For all I knew, I might never have another chance like this.
"The sixteen year old boy slipped the entire length of his rod into my anal passage. He lifted his body up slowly and injected his tube of flesh into me once more. He repeated this action and then shot his load. His warm come filled my rear and I moaned in ecstasy.
"'What are you going to tell your husband now?' he wanted to know as he lay on top of my butts.
"That you're a man of action,' I said.
'"You going to tell him how I screwed and Greeked you?'
"That, of course, was out of the question. Arnold was slow to anger, but this would really make him blow his cork. I had allowed a teenaged boy the use of my body. I couldn't say that I seduced him, actually, but I had led him to perform these sexual acts. While Kevin had been pushy, I had allowed myself to be pushed. As a woman in her late thirties I should have known better.
"Kevin got the idea that I would always be available for him and came back the next day after my husband had left for more fun and games.
"'Look, Kevin,' I pleaded, 'let's not complicate our lives. Yesterday was unusual and I want to forget it. I must have lost my head.'
'"Don't give me that,' the boy said. 'You wanted it as much as I did. You still do.'
"When the boy grabbed at my body again I pushed him away. I hated to be taken for granted. Kevin was a great stud but he was just too sure of himself for his own good.
"I soon learned what kind of mean streak the boy had when I began to get calls from strange fellows. 'I got seven hard inches for you, baby,' one of them told me. 'When do you want me over?'
"It was obvious that Kevin, burning over the fact that I had pushed him away, had told all his friends about me. When I went to stores in the neighborhood, I noticed that the teen crowd looked at me in a knowing way. They stopped talking when I came in and whispered amongst themselves when I was there. After I left they stared out of the window at me when I walked away.
"The next time I got Kevin alone I demanded to know why he had told everyone about our brief affair. He smirked and said, 'I'm just trying to line you up with more studs. If you don't like me, I'm sure you'll find someone.'
"I screamed and slapped him hard across the face. The boy slapped me back harder. He wasn't one to absorb punishment without striking quickly in return.
"This exchange of slaps seemed to increase the obscene phone calls. Kevin, it appeared, was a sadist of the first order and had set his teenaged pack on me. While it was bad enough for me to take the phone calls, I really cracked up when the unseen strangers filled Arnold in on my relationship with Kevin.
"My husband came from work one day with his face pale and drawn. I knew that something was on his mind. 'Julie,' he said, 'I've been getting the weirdest phone calls at the office ... some sick stuff about you and the boy next door.'
"I went cold and shook. I was never good at bluffing and I knew that I could not convince my husband that the teenagers were just up to some tricks. I went into the bathroom and picked up one of Arnold's razors. I slashed both of my wrists and watched the red blood gush out of the wounds. There was nothing left for me to do but die.
"Arnold wrapped up my wrists and drove me over to the nearest hospital. The doctors stitched me up but I was so numb that I didn't feel any pain. If I couldn't escape into eternity I could escape into the recesses of my mind. Reality blurred and I had to be given shock treatments.
"Arnold-likes to think I was crazy when I screwed the sixteen year old. He wants to believe that I hadn't been in my right mind when I allowed the stud to use and abuse me. Well, we all need excuses to dodge hard facts, don't we? I haven't the heart to tell my husband that I was only too sane when I had sex relations with such a young boy.
"I'll be leaving this place soon. One of these days I'll just have to face the boy next door. I hope he'll have the decency to ignore me as I will ignore him. Young passion is only good for the young and I've had my fill of youth."
Reaction:
Julie will, probably never go back to lad loving again after her near-tragic affair with the sixteen year old who appears to be the sadist the woman claims he is. If Kevin hadn't been so overtly sexual there would not have been any affair because Julie wouldn't have chased an innocent lad.
But, since the boy paraded his sexual powers, the mature woman allowed herself to be taken along on a tide of emotion created by the teenager's aggression.
A not-too-happy sex life caused Julie to drift towards the vital youngster. If her husband had been more passionate, she would not have had the need to seek satisfaction elsewhere. Although she is in no way a nymphomaniac, Julie does have strong, natural sexual leanings that demand release. Her husband couldn't provide this release, so, unconsciously, the married woman sought other outlets.
Frank Caprio, in his book, VARIATIONS IN SEXUAL BEHAVIOR, states that middle-aged women tend to panic when they realize their husbands have passed their sexual prime and they will never again get the same boyish passion they had enjoyed from them in their younger days.
Julie was at this dangerous stage in her life when she met Kevin. She, like the boy, was at her sexual peak, and thus she had more in common with him than she had with her husband. At first she found a kind of satisfaction in listening to the lad talk about his erotic desires. When she realized how available the boy was, her attentions became fixed on him.
The boy, too, knew that the woman was very available, so their sexual relationship became something neither of them could, or wanted to, avoid.
At this writing, Julie is back in her suburban home with her husband, and from what I've gathered lately, Kevin will be going to college soon and will not be around to remind the woman of her single fall from grace that almost killed her.
CHAPTER FIVE.. .
PEG
Case History: Peg N. ... Age: 43.
The subject is a nurse who is assigned to a large hospital in New Orleans. She has dark red hair and green eyes and possesses a splendid figure. This interview took place in her studio apartment where she lives alone.
"I was married once when I was twenty to a salesman who thought he was a phallus on wheels. Harry could charm the birds out of the trees so, naturally, he was a very successful salesman. He certainly sold himself to me fast enough.
"At the time I was sharing an apartment with two other girls and, like them, expected to get married shortly. We were all working in the same office and I hadn't as yet taken up nursing.
"My job wasn't a great one but it did pay the bills and that was all that counted. At twenty I was very pretty and popular and I didn't have to be concerned about finding a husband. My only concern was that I would find the right man.
"I didn't want to grab any guy and then find out it was all a mistake later on. My mother did that. She married a fellow who ran out on her two years later. I never knew my father and I didn't want this to happen to any child I might have. I loved children and couldn't bear to see them hurt.
"I met Harry at a party. He was twenty-five, single and very good looking. When he turned on the charm I just couldn't resist him. He was impulsive and this attracted me because I liked men who dared. Later I discovered that impulsiveness could be a fault.
"Harry tried to seduce me hours after we met. This didn't surprise me because I was used to having males of all ages trying to crawl into my panties. He kept pursuing me and I knew that I might give into him sooner or later.
"When he pawed my body one night in a lover's lane I pleaded with him to stop. 'I want to get married first,' I told him.
"I hadn't meant that I wanted to marry him, but Harry took my comment as such and announced, 'So, let's get married.'
"He was proposing. Harry was such a card I didn't know if he were serious or not. He never impressed me as being the marrying kind. Actually he wasn't but I was blind to his faults.
"'I know a Justice of the Peace,' Harry said. 'We can be there in fifteen minutes and
'"You want to get married now?' I cried in disbelief.
'"Why wait? You know we're made for one another.'
"While I had gone out with a number of boys I was still inexperienced sexually so I was vulnerable to any phony with a good line. Harry was a gold plated phony and had good lines to spare.
"He convinced me that he was madly in love with me so I let myself be driven to a Justice of the Peace. Eloping, to my romantic mind, was a perfect way to get married. It was all so impulsive and daring.
"The ceremony was over fast and Harry took me to the nearest motel. When he signed in as 'Mr. and Mrs.' he cracked a joke about this being the first time he told the truth to the desk clerk of a motel. That was Harry; he was always carrying on.
"For a newly minted groom Harry seemed awfully casual about his wedding night while I, virginal bride, trembled with the joy of the moment. His first words to me inside our very first bedroom were, 'I gotta take a piss.'
"Harry went into the bathroom, left the door open, and started urinating into the toilet bowl. This hardly made for a romantic sight or sound. When he returned he took off his clothes and urged me to do the same.
"He acted as if I were some pig he had picked up at a bar instead of his bride. I started to cry. My husband, realizing he had been more than a bit crude, turned on his salesman charm again and was all over me with comforting caresses and words.
"Note that I say he 'turned on' his charm. Basically Harry was anything but charming as it was only something he used to advance himself in some way or another. Right now he wanted to advance into my body and that's why he poured on the snake oil. I was still stupid enough to give in and helped him remove my clothes.
'"Why, you have a lovely body, dear!' he sighed when I sat on the edge of the bed naked.
"He cupped his hands over my firm, conical breasts and pulled me down against the mattress. Now he was all courtesy and consideration. He didn't thrust into me right away but spent at least an hour at foreplay, sucking, licking and touching me everywhere until I was more than ready to get my first fuck. If anything Harry certainly knew how to make a girl happy ... when he wanted to.
"Harry finally mounted me and edged his thick pole of flesh into my cleft. I was so anxious to become a woman that I moved up against him and took in a couple of inches on my own. My groom rammed the rest of his meat into my tight body and started to pump. At a rather advanced age of twenty I lost my virtue.
"My husband was able to make money in large sums almost casually. I think he was spoiled because things came to him too easily. I certainly had. Yes, it was true that Harry married me but the legal aspect of our relationship meant nothing to him.
"He was an utterly amoral man. Barely a month after our elopement Harry took me to a party filled with other young couples. I liked the people until the men started tossing their house keys into my hat. One by one the women took the keys out and it was only then did I realize Harry had taken me to a wife swapping club!
"I stormed out of the place, went home and bolted the door against my husband and any other husband who might think he had access to my body.
"Harry didn't show up until three days later. He acted as if he had just been down to the corner to buy a newspaper and didn't give me any explanation where he had been to.
"When I started to rage at him he turned on the old snake oil and he was screwing inside of a half an hour.
"Our marriage lasted for sixteen months which was even shorter than the one my mother had enjoyed ... if enjoyed is the word. I did have one advantage over my mother though. I never had a child. Sometimes I wish my mother never had any children either.
"My sixteen months with Harry had knocked what girlishness I had out of me and I returned to the world a much harder woman. All throughout the marriage Harry chased and caught other women without regard to race, creed or place of national origin.
"When it came to sex, Harry was most democratic. The break came when he actually took a girl home with him and expected me to share the same bed. For all I knew he wanted me to take pictures.
"Because I was not able to bear children I couldn't see any reason to remarry. If I wanted sex there were more than enough men to be found.
"Now that I had made up my mind to be a career girl I started shopping around for a career. Since there was always a need for nurses I went into training to be one.
"I had gone into nursing in the first place because it seemed a logical career for a woman who didn't plan to marry. After my first year on the job I discovered I had an affinity for the work. In nursing I felt useful and wanted.
"Lovers drifted in and out of my life but somehow I could never sustain a lasting relationship with any one of them. Harry had ruined me. He had made me so wary of the male beast that I didn't dare let my heart go again.
"Once I found myself getting close to a man I dropped him out of fear I might forget my pledge not to marry. All I wanted from men were their thrusting sex organs. I was, after all, a woman with womanly needs.
"As I grew older I found myself longing for a true love relationship but I simply could not let go and trust a man. When I entered my forties it didn't seem to matter much one way or the other because men became scarce.
"A man in his forties could find himself a girl in her twenties or any other age he desired while a woman past forty was denied this same freedom.
"I'm hardly an old lady now, of course, and men still find me attractive but I no longer find men all that attractive.
"I've had more than my share of lovers, and, certainly, all I want of marriage.
"I was forty-two when the true relationship I had always sought entered my life. For the very first time I was able to let go and commit myself to another human being. This may sound like a perfect ending to my quest for love but the person I'm talking about was a fourteen year old boy!
"Seth was one of my patients. He came into the hospital suffering from a liver disease and his condition was serious. The boy was very quiet and seemed to accept the fact that he might not live long. Seth never complained and was a favorite with the hospital workers.
"He had wavy, sandy colored hair and soft brown eyes. His skin was pale and flawless and there was an almost beautiful cast to his face. The boy's parents were a hard working couple who had enough to worry about with five younger children to take care of.
"They had lived with Seth's condition for so long that they appeared to be indifferent to him. The casual observer would rate them as heartless but I understood them.
"When parents spend years taking a child in and out of hospitals a certain degree of defeat sets in and they can no longer respond with compassion to his sufferings.
"Seth also understood this and that is why he never wondered why his mother and father didn't see him every visitor's day. He knew that his parents had other children to look after. If anything he felt guilty about taking their time when they did come.
"In my long years of nursing I've met many such boys but none touched me so much as Seth.
Perhaps I looked upon him as the child I've always wanted because I thought my first instincts towards him were maternal.
"I certainly didn't consider them sexual because I could not consider an affair between a forty-two year old woman and a fourteen year old boy as normal. Yet, in the long run, what is normal?
"The lad had a rare liver ailment which was usually fatal. Since Seth's parents could not afford his hospital bills they offered up their boy as a guinea pig for new medicines.
"This, again, may seem heartless but there was nothing else for the harried parents to do. The only choice they had was to take the lad home and watch him waste away. In a hospital, at least, he had a fighting chance.
"Seth was placed in a private room where doctors could examine him at any hour. His isolation made him all the more endearing to me. While he did have a television set and a radio he didn't seem to be much interested in them.
"After a lifetime of hospitals his spirit was all but crushed. The doctors asked me to see what I could do to cheer him up since I was assigned as his nurse. It was important to give a patient a will to live for it helped the cure.
"I've seen despairing, loveless patients who had minor ailments wither away and die simply because they saw no point in living.
"I went to the fourteen year old boy in hopes of injecting a will to live in his all too young body. Seth, however, seemed to be aware of my intentions. He was used to professional cheerfulness and wanted no part of it.
"I didn't want to come on as Miss Sunshine all the time but I knew that the lad needed companionship. Boys his age were dating for the first time but he had to he on a hospital bed passively as needles were stuck into him.
"When he realized that I really did like him the boy opened up. He talked about the things he would like to do in the future.
"I want to work outdoors," he told me. "I don't care what kind of job it is so long as I don't have a roof over my head all the time.'
"Seth had had enough of being forced to stay indoors and this was the way he reacted against his many hospitalizations. I told the lad that Oceanography was going to be the field of the future and his sad eyes lit up for the first time.
"I brought him in all kinds of books about life in and on the oceans and this formed the basis of our deep friendship.
"It was my duty to bathe the lad and he seemed shy about exposing his nakedness to me. He had a soft, pale body and young penis lay limp against his testicles. As I ran my hands over his flesh Seth began to react sexually.
'"It ... it's getting big,' the boy stammered and tried to cover his erecting tube of flesh.
'"Nothing to be ashamed of,' I assured him. 'It only proves how healthy you are.'
"I took his stiff cock in my hand and played with it. I knew, of course, that nurses shouldn't sexually tease patients, especially young males, but I felt that ours was a special relationship.
"If by arousing him sexually I could also arouse in him a will to live then I found nothing wrong in manipulating his penis.
"The fourteen year old lay back and gazed down at the contact I was making with his sex organ. As it grew harder and longer in my hand I found that I was becoming sexually excited myself.
"The lad, like all fellows his age, was very curious about sex. How had his curiosity ever been satisfied? I was sure that no one had ever been this close to him in his young life. Seriously ill or not the boy still had a need to give and receive love and this meant that he had a will to live.
"I played with the boy's penis until he climaxed. His sperm shot all the way to his shoulders. I kept masturbating him until I jerked out all his semen and his penis began to go soft.
'"Feel better now?' I asked tenderly showing him that sex was just another part of life and no sin.
"That felt nice,' he admitted. 'I never had anyone jerk me off before.'
"This got us talking about sex in general. When he spoke he kept gazing at me with new eyes. I was no longer a creature in a starched uniform but a human female.
"'I wonder if ... I wonder if I'll ever ... do it to a girl,' Seth said hesitantly as if testing my feelings about sex.
"It would've been so easy for me to cruelly repress him so that he would feel self-conscious and guilty about having normal needs. Instead I told him that any girl would be glad to have him.
"Seth reached up and clamped one of his hands on my breast. 'I always wanted to see what a woman looked like,' he told me softly.
"I glanced towards the door. I knew that a doctor was going to visit him in a few minutes. 'Some other time,' I promised and quickly cleaned up the results of his orgasm.
"My face was flushed when I left the boy's sick room. I had never been so intimate with a patient before and I hated myself for teasing such a young lad so. As a mature woman and nurse I should've been more intelligent in dealing with his sexual powers but, instead, I encouraged him to display his capabilities.
"I made up my mind not to tease the fourteen year old again like that. After the doctor examined him he told me that Seth had shown a sudden improvement. 'It must be your care, Peg,' he said.
"A sudden improvement.. . love was the best medicine in the world; the only true wonder drug. Perhaps I was only reacting to my middle class background when I flogged myself with guilt about touching the boy sexually. If sex would make the boy well I was more than willing to give him all he needed.
"The next day when I visited the lad his brown eyes were bright and he smiled. There was even some color in his cheeks, as if he had been given an injection of some drug.
'"I dreamt about you last night,' he said.
"I went over to the bed and held his hand. 'What was I doing?' I wanted to know.
"He smiled even more and a blush made his cheeks redder. 'You'd be mad if I told you,' he answered.
"When I urged the lad to tell me about his dream he said that we were together on a deserted island walking hand in hand in the moonlight as naked as the day we were born.
"I thought the dream was a very sweet one and I kissed him lightly on the lips. Seth responded by embracing me tightly and pressing his lips against mine. I didn't push him away and embraced him back as if he were a grown and healthy lover.
"Somehow I was sure that his cheeks would go pale again if I hadn't. 'Stay with me,' the lad whispered.
'"I have other patients, darling,' I answered. "I'll be back."
"When I went about my duties I made stupid mistakes because my mind was back in the room with the teenaged boy. I knew that Seth had fallen in love with me and I thought that this was not unusual since he was so ready to love anyone who showed him kindness.
"What was unusual, however, was the fact that I had fallen in Jove with him! I thought of all the lovers I had and, when I compared them to that pretty fourteen year old child, I realized that I had never been close to any of them.
"I had had a great number of intimacies but had never been emotionally intimate. The last time I had ever committed myself to another human being was way back when I married Harry.
"The bastard had been indifferent to this commitment and that was why I had steeled myself against making the same mistake again. But Seth, a young boy, had gotten through all my rigid defenses as no man had ever done. He had touched my heart.
"I looked forward to seeing him again that evening as one lover looks forward to seeing another. When I entered the room the lad gave me a beautiful smile. He lifted his arms and I rushed into them.
"We kissed like the lovers we were. Since no one was due in the boy's room until midnight I knew I had hours to be with him alone. I slipped my hand under the bedcovers and clutched at his sex. He had a full and throbbing erection.
"'Darling,' the boy whispered, 'let me see you.'
"He meant he wanted to see my naked body. I stood up and started to remove my uniform. When I got down to my bra and panties the boy threw the covers back and pulled off his pajamas. His erect penis throbbed full of life and love.
"I removed my bra. The lad's brown eyes shone as he stared at my conical breasts and their bright, stiff nipples. I pulled my panties down and he swallowed hard as he leered at my vagina.
"'Hair?' he gasped. 'I didn't know that women had hair between their legs.'
"'Every adult has, sweetheart,' I told him. 'It is called pubic hair.'
"His innocence was a wonder to see. I was so used to cynical, hard boiled types who had seen everything and hadn't liked anything they saw that the fourteen year old lad's interest in me was like a refreshing breeze.
"I walked over to his bed and, as soon as he could reach me, his questing hands explored my body. He slipped a finger into my vagina and weighed my breasts with his hands. Then I climbed into bed next to him.
'"Show me how,' he begged softly. 'Please ... please...'
'"It is all so simple,' I told him. There is nothing at all complicated about making love even though so many books have been written about the subject. You just do what comes naturally.'
"I clamped the naked youngster to my body and rolled over so that he was on top of me. I guided his stiff penis into my vagina and our sex organs meshed. Once the boy sank all the way into me I placed my hands on his hips and urged him to rise.
"Just when the tip of his cock was about to leave my body I pushed him back down into me again.
"'Move like that, my dear,' I told him. 'Keep moving until you come.'
"Seth moved awkwardly at first but quickly got into the sexual swing of things. Soon he was ramming me like any of the lovers I've had. His male part was boyishly small but I felt that it was the best penis ever taken in by my vagina.
"Seth seemed to be so light and tiny when compared to some of the hairy apes who've used my body but he was still my best lover to date. Harry, with all his smooth, slick, phony professionalism was nothing compared to this lovely young boy who was screwing for the first time.
'"It.. . it's happening!' he gasped and then shot his load.
"I clamped him hard against my body and held him there as his sperm poured like lava. Sweat moistened our bodies and we breathed loud and hard. I could hear our hearts beat as one. His heart. Life was making that organ beat and love was the fuel behind it.
"The doctors who examined Seth the next morning were amazed by the boy's improvement. He still had a rare liver disease but the rest of his body seemed to be ignoring this unpleasant fact.
"Everyone claimed that the new drugs were working on the lad but I was sure that the oldest medicine in the world was making him better ... love.
'"I can't understand it,' one of the doctors said to me later. 'According to all the tests the boy should be dying but he appears healthier than he has been in years.'
"'Dying?' I asked.
'"Yes, don't you know? Seth doesn't have more than six months to live ... according to the tests. He's shown a great deal of improvement especially in his mental outlook but his liver is drying up like a prune.'
"I all but staggered away. I knew that the boy had a disease that was usually fatal but I had always held out hope that he would become one of the lucky ones. Dying. Seth. Fourteen.
"While it was true that love had improved Seth it was mainly in his mental outlook as the doctor had determined. This didn't stop me from continuing my sexual affair with the young patient. I wanted to will him to recovery. I wanted to give him my strength just as I gave him my body.
"But, little by little, day by day, the boy withered. I was there to the end. He reached out and clamped his hand on mine and smiled. 'I'll never forget you,' he said.
"The smile faded and his eyes closed. I kept holding his hand as the doctor examined him and pronounced him dead. Seth had lived two more months past the time the doctors had given him and I told myself I had been the one to give him these extra days and nights. I had made his final months on earth happy.
"I know that there will be people who will hate me for what I did if they ever found out but I don't care. I am proud of the fact that I had given a sweet, beautiful, lonely boy the only love of his very short life."
Reaction:
The nurse is aware that she had made the boy's life happy in his remaining months through sex but she still feels guilty about engaging in pedophilia with her young patient. If she had not given the boy any love he would've died sooner and he would have left this world without ever once enjoying a deep relationship with another human being.
Peg, too, benefited from the affair because it was also her only profound sexual inter-change.
Smiley Blanton, in his book, LOVE OR PERISH, tells of a case where orphaned babies became listless and died simply because no one ever picked them up and fondled them. Love, as the nurse had put it, is really the best medicine.
Today many orphanages have volunteers come in just to hold babies to prevent them from dying early. Older children in hospitals and orphanages also require some degree of affection as much as they need food and housing if they are to have any chance of survival.
This attention, of course, doesn't mean sexual experiences as detailed in Peg's confession, but growing boys and girls must have warm relationships just as growing plants must have the sun.
Adults need warm relationships, too, and this is what Peg knows is missing from her life. The dying boy proved to her that she cannot go on living without close attachments.
The nurse has finally gotten over her bitter marriage to the lecherous salesman and she is now able to commit herself once more to another man. Her pedophilic affair with the fourteen year old boy did not herald the beginning of a career in lad loving, but it did release her pent up emotions so that she can seek out the warmth and affection she needs.
Although Seth died he left this legacy behind him. His short span of time on Earth had not been in vain for he taught another human being to love again.
CHAPTER SIX.. .
FRANCINE
Case History: Francine T. ... Age: 55.
The subject is a flashy, stocky woman who has been divorced three times. Her divorce settlements have made her independently wealthy and she spends her time going from resort to resort. This interview took place in her plush quarters in Las Vegas, Nevada.
"Gambling bores me. I think it is only a substitute for sex. Shit, why go for a substitute when you can have the real thing? The world is full of boys willing to screw for love or money.
"In my younger days it used to be for love but now I have to pay. Well, I don't mind. When you reach my age you can't expect to have a young stud for free.
"I know I don't look it now but I used to be quite a beauty. That was before I put on the weight and my hair hadn't turned gray. In my teens grown men used to chase me because I looked older. My breasts were a size 38 when I was still in high school and I got all the tit men.
"My parents were worried about me because of all the attention I got from males. They thought some guy would get me to roll over and I'd show up one day with a belly full of trouble.
"My folks didn't know me because I made up my mind early never to make a fool of myself over some guy. If men wanted my body they would have to pay for it.
"Now don't get the idea that I started hustling. I never sold my ass yet. The only whores in my life are all male and I do the paying. I was after much bigger stakes than twenty dollar tricks. What I wanted to do was marry rich.
"I was seventeen and just out of high school when I married the first time. I knew that my extreme youth was an advantage just as my size 38 boobies were so I parlayed it into a marriage to a fifty year old banker.
"George wasn't really rich but, compared to the working class background I came from, he was King Midas.
"My family was shocked when I told them that I was going to many a man older than my father. They knew that I was only after his money but they pretended that it was a love match. A love match! If only they knew!
"George had been married before and he was a grandfather. His adult sons and daughters snubbed me because they realized I was after his loot What they didn't know was how hard I had to work for it. My farty old husband, you see, was a pervert.
"The old banker liked to have me lick his entire body from head to toe. He also enjoyed sucking every part of my body especially my tits and pussy. George was strictly an oral type and he rarely got his pecker up to give me a healthy fuck.
"On top of everything else George had a number of fetishes. He dug leather, rubber and fur. One of his greatest kicks was to put a fur coat on over his nude body and pretend he was a bear. He had me dress in the same way and he would run around the house making believe that we were a couple of bears in heat.
"In the outside world George was a respectable businessman but, to me, he was just another sex nut.
"When I first married George I hoped to hang around for twenty years or so until he kicked off so I could inherit his money. But, after a year of playing bears and having my ass whipped with leather straps, I decided to quit and go for alimony instead.
"I got a sizeable settlement because I told George I would let the court know about his weird sex tastes. I could pretend to be an innocent teenaged girl ravished by a perverted monster.
"George agreed to a fat alimony because he knew his business reputation would be destroyed by my revelations.
"I began to travel for the first time and became a jet-setter before there were jets. As a teenaged divorcee I had a ball and I spent my money as fast as it came. My husband's lawyers knew that they could trick me into giving up my alimony demands by one lump sum once I found I was always broke before the monthly checks came.
"They let me spend myself into debt and then, when creditors started hounding me, they made their offer. They would settle all my debts and give me fifteen grand besides if only I would sign a paper that said I no longer expected monthly alimony checks.
"My own lawyer didn't like the idea but he realized it was the only way for me to get off the financial hook I had impaled myself on through girlish extravagance.
"I should have learned a lesson but I hadn't. Once I got my hot mitts on the fifteen G's I went on another spending spree. It wasn't long before I was close to being broke again. Before I only had to wait for my alimony check but this time a check would not rescue me.
"However, I was still young and shapely and there were still plenty of rich men willing to screw me. I put on my sexiest bathing suit and posed around the pool at the resort I was staying at. I had always been cool to the wealthy guys before because I hadn't needed them at the time. Now I needed a rich sugar daddy.
"I selected a chubby jerk who had inherited his fortune. George, at least, had enough on the ball to make his own pile but not Mark. He was so dumb that he couldn't hold a coupon-clipper.
"Mark was forty-two and a couple of women before him had already taken him for alimony payments. I couldn't see any reason why I shouldn't get in on the kill and be Wife Number Three.
"Mark's snooty family could see that he was making another mistake but, since he was over twenty-one, there was nothing they could do about it. I would've stayed married to Mark but he was such a dull creep that I left him after three years. When the alimony checks came this time I was careful not to spend myself into another financial bind.
"At the age of twenty-four I was a two-time divorcee. I was young enough and attractive enough to have swarms of studs all over me. Every now and then I'd shack up with a guy for kicks but I always kept my eyes peeled for Mr. Money Bags.
"The five hundred a week I was getting from Mark was nice but I had acquired expensive tastes.
"I met Donald at a party given by a former movie star. He was already married to his first wife but I could see that, at the age of sixty, he wanted to kick up his heels with a much younger filly.
"Donald was a Chairman of the Board in a large New York firm. He was going to be retired in another couple of years and he didn't see much fun in floating around on an ocean liner with his sixty-one year old wife.
'"I have younger ideas than that,' he confided in me with a wink.
"At first he wanted to set me up as his mistress but I was after much bigger game. The old man was so crazy about me that he willingly agreed to divorce his wife of thirty-five years and become a groom again.
"Once again I hoped to simply out live my husband and then collect his millions but sex seemed to agree with him and he thrived on my young body. I don't know what kind of pills the old bastard took but he managed to get it up at least twice a week to bang me.
"like all the other men I've met he was wild for my breasts and nipples and he enjoyed sucking them. He also liked to sixty-nine with me stretched out on top of his body and my slit against his mouth. I'd take his penis orally and suck at the same time hoping that I could French him to death.
"Donald got the idea that having sex relations with young females would make him younger so he started chasing teenaged girls. After a long life of being square and straight he suddenly flipped and went pussy happy. Most men reach their Desperate Age in their forties but Donald waited until his sixties.
"At any rate all the screwing and sucking around did seem to make my Dirty Old Man younger and more virile and I knew that he'd probably outlive me. For the first time I had a good reason for a divorce.
"I had a private detective gather evidence on my creaking Lothario and, when I faced Donald with it, he actually seemed proud of himself.
'"I guess I've been a naughty boy, dear,' he grinned.
"Donald set me free with the best alimony deal yet. He was anxious to play around with his teenaged sex kittens and rid himself of a bag of twenty-six.
"I thought he would spend the rest of his life messing with kids but, a year after the divorce, he married an eighteen year old blonde who described herself as a model. I knew her to be just another hooker who played the resort trade.
"The girl managed to be Donald's main inheritor when he died three years later. Today this blonde bombshell is living it up on a scale that makes me look like a pauper. If I had only stuck it out a little longer with the old man I could've inherited those millions.
"Still, I can't complain because my alimony checks keep coming. There was a time I thought about trying for another Mr. Money Bags but I had had enough of freaky old jokers no matter how much loot they possessed.
"After my third and last divorce I decided to have younger men for a change. I had been a sex object to three over aged creeps and now I wanted to turn the tables on the male gender. In his sixties Donald bedded down with teenaged girls so why couldn't I make it with teenaged boys?
"When I looked at kids of fifteen, sixteen and seventeen they seemed like children to me after my marriages. I couldn't bring myself to make them right away so I started on adult men in their twenties.
"At first guys screwed me because I was a good lay and they paid all the bills, but, as the years went on, the bastards didn't want to unzip their flies unless I made it worth their trouble first.
"I was pushing forty when I paid for stud service for the first time. After making men pay me for decades I now had to pay them. Well, since I was now after younger and younger meat that seemed only fair. As I had turned the tables on males they did the same on me.
"I was past forty when I had my first very young boy. It happened after a gigolo gave me a rotten time. I met the hustler at a hotel I was staying at in South America.
"Juan was very slick and sexy and knew how to squeeze cash out of middle aged American ladies. It got so that I could put a price on each stroke of his hard dick.
"I don't mind paying for my fun but I hated being made a fool of. Juan seemed to think I was a millionairess by the way he demanded money. He might have pushed other women around but I was too tough for him and gave him the ass's rush.
'"You're too old for me, Juan,' I snapped. 'You're a lousy lay. I'm going to get me a kid who knows how to screw.'
"The oily son of a bitch grinned at me. "Of course,' he smirked. 'I suppose you'll find yourself a handsome young boy who will want you for yourself."
"This made me mad enough to go out and do just that. I walked along the beach until I found this fifteen year old kid who was swimming in the surf. His body was smooth and golden and he had a head of dark, wet curls.
"He was one of the lads from the poor section of the city who were always sneaking a swim on the private beach that belonged to the hotel. When he saw me he looked frightened.
"I had picked up enough Spanish in my travels to assure him he had nothing to worry about.
"'If anyone asks just say that you're a friend of mine,' I said.
"His name was Pedro and he was part child and part man. His manly part showed at the crotch of his tight swim trunks while his child part showed in his sweet face. Still burning from my gigolo's remarks I looked at lad as a sex object.
"'Would you like to make a dollar?' I asked, falling upon my habit of offering money before I requested sex.
"'Yes,' Pedro answered. 'What do I have to do?'
"I was speechless for a moment. I hadn't expected to go this far this fast. For a fleeting second I felt like making up an excuse about wanting a certain shell, but, instead, I came directly to the point.
'"I want you to take off your bathing trunks.'
"The fifteen year old's baby face showed an expression of sheer lust. Poor boys in South America matured early and my comment didn't seem to shock him as much as it would an American lad.
'"You want to see my tool?' he wanted to know.
'"I want to do more than see it,' I told him.
"The boy knew the beach better than I did and led me behind some dunes. He immediately slipped off his trunks and exposed his erected dong. None of my male whores had reacted so quickly. The boy was as anxious to have sex as I was which was more than I could say for guys like Juan.
"I took the lad's hard dick in my hand. It looked good enough to eat so I went down on my knees and Frenched him. The teenager was so close to a climax that he shot his come after I had bobbed my mouth up and down his stem three times.
"I clutched at his firm yet smooth skinned ass as he spilled his fluid into me. His sperm shot hard against the back of my throat and I kept on swallowing until he had no more juice left to give.
"The boy seemed happy enough just getting the sex but I gave him the promised dollar, too. A buck for a suck; a bargain for a change.
"Pedro told me that he would be hanging around the same spot in the beach the next afternoon and I said that I'd see him. When I went back to the hotel I told Juan about the boy I had just met.
He knew I was telling the truth because he had been such a lad in his teens.
"'I hope you get a disease,' he sneered. 'All those waifs are unhealthy.'
"The greasy gigolo was burning now because he knew that I had actually found a young and handsome boy who undercut his excessive prices. My bragging backfired on me, though, because Juan complained to the management about the poor boys who were using the beach and 'bothering' the guests.
"The next day the hotel's security squad chased all the lads away and that ended what could have been a very exciting adventure.
"But there was more than one teenaged stud in the world. I planned to see how many there were. Pedro showed me the advantages of making it with kids. To begin with they came much cheaper and most teenaged boys were even willing to do it for nothing.
"When I looked back on all the money I had wasted on adult prostitutes I could kick myself. If I had started in with young boys I would've saved myself a small fortune.
"When I went back to my own country I discovered that the lads were just as anxious to have sex with women as Pedro had been. Kids between the ages of fifteen to seventeen were usually virgins and so were not too particular about the age of their first woman.
"This worked to my advantage. I was willing to take on all comers and even pay a few bucks to my favorites.
"I was driving down a deserted highway around dawn when I spotted someone hitchhiking. As I drove by him I discovered that he was just a boy of sixteen. I slammed on the brakes and the lad slipped in beside me.
"His name was Tommy and he had reddish hair and blue eyes. He gave me some story about going all the way to California to see some relatives but I had the sneaking suspicion that he was running away from home. As it so happened I was headed for California myself so I had a companion.
"When I stopped at a motel an hour later he seemed to get the idea that he should go on hitchhiking. I knew that the kid had been on the road all night and could use some rest so I told him that the motel was on me.
"'It's silly to get two rooms so I'll sign us in one with twin beds as mother and son,' I offered.
"Tommy didn't know what to say. By the way his face flushed I gathered he realized sex had reared its lovely head. To the desk clerk I was a mother with a son in tow and he didn't blink when I requested a twin bedded room. If I had asked for a double bed that would've made all the difference in the world.
"The lad appeared a bit uneasy when we were alone in the room. He just didn't know what to make of me.
'"Let's take a shower,' I told him and started taking off my clothes.
"Tommy's blue eyes went wide as he watched me strip. When I was naked I stood before him with my legs spread and my hands on my hips.
'"What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?' I asked.
"He shook his head while he kept staring right into my pussy. A virgin; my favorite kind of boy. Virgins excited my teaching instincts. I sat next to him on the bed and let my big boobies roll against him. They were still pretty firm even though I was middle aged and the teenager broke through his shyness and placed his hands on them.
"'So big!' he exclaimed.
'"Now that I showed you what I have, I want you to show me your body,' I smiled.
"Tommy undid his shirt and pulled it off. His chest was hairless and he had a great pair of shoulders for a slender boy. When he took off his pants and shorts he actually hid his erected penis as if it were something to be ashamed of.
"I suppose the poor lad had some wrong notions about sex put into his head by the bluenoses. When I pulled his hands away I looked at his beautiful cock that stood upright like a pink pole.
'"You are going to have a lot of fun with that,' I said. 'I'll show you just how much.'
"Our bodies were a little grimy and sweaty from the road and I disliked having sex in an unbathed condition. When people talk about dirty sex I assume they mean not showering before screwing. I led the slim, naked lad into the shower stall and turned the hot water on.
"The stall was narrow but it made for a nice, close fit. Tommy's shyness vanished when he rubbed his hands over my back, ass, breasts and pubic area. The years had taken a toll on me and I was no longer the beauty that I once was but the sixteen year old didn't seem to mind. To him I was a goddess of sex.
"When the lad moved against me his erect dick could no longer bear its burden of passion and he started to shoot his load. Not one to see anything wasted I impaled my cleft on his spewing male member and pressed him against the wet, tiled wall of the shower stall.
"I pumped up against him and plastered my mouth upon his. Tommy hugged me hard as he poured out his love juice. I had wanted to give the boy his first lay in bed but his boiling youth could not wait.
"The hot water poured down on both of us as his hot come spilled into my body. When he stopped shooting I turned on the cold water and this cooled us off sexually and otherwise.
"We didn't use both of the twin beds and Tommy slept naked in my arms after we had ourselves an hour long orgy. Before we left, however, I messed up the other bed to show the management that I wasn't a 'mother' who slept with her 'son'.
"Tommy stayed with me all the way to California where he admitted he didn't have any relatives there after all. This didn't surprise me because I had known that all along.
"We lived together at various hotels for a couple of months and the lad was satisfied with the few bucks I gave him every now and then. So far he was turning out to be the best lay of my life.
"But all good things had to end. In a mood of homesickness the boy called his parents. After crying over the phone for awhile he decided to go back. When Tommy left I felt lost because he had become my favorite lover.
"I didn't waste much time finding another boy and picked up this seventeen year old stud in a park. He was a sharpy and he proved that not all teenaged kids are sweet, sexy and innocent.
"After we had screwed the bastard demanded the keys to my car. I told him to go to hell because he wasn't all that good in bed.
"The son of a bitch called me a 'horny old bitch' and slapped me around. I guess he thought I would fold up and give him the car keys but I had been slapped around before and fought back. When he found out he had met more than his match the seventeen year old punk left my apartment.
"But, all considering, my best lays have been teenaged boys. I've screwed males from fourteen to sixty-two but nothing can beat a kid who has never been laid before.
"The less experience a boy has the more I like him. I suppose it is because I know he is more interested in my body than my pocketbook. At my age you don't find too many males interested in sleeping with you.
"In Las Vegas I've already met not one but two sexy young studs. Both are fifteen and good friends. I know they are friends because I've paid to see them make it with one another in this very room. I've become a bit weird in my declining years; now I go in for stag shows.
"I met Karl and Sal hanging around outside of a grocery store trying to make some pocket change by carrying bags. Karl is very blonde while Sal is dark.
"Since they made such an interesting pair I took them to my place and propositioned them. After so many years of propositioning boys I can tell which ones will and which ones won't. From the moment I met them outside that grocery store I knew that these kids were ready for any kind of action.
"Las Vegas may be a small city but it is a highly sophisticated one.
"The boys stripped and paraded around the room naked with their dicks hard and ready. I took off my clothes and, although I was almost twice their ages put together, they leered at my flesh and fondled me.
"Once these boys tried to get into a cathouse but the madam had thrown them out. This told me that they were very anxious to have their first sex experience and I was only too happy to oblige.
"I lay down on the bed ... that one over there ... and spread my legs. The kids elbowed one another to get the first crack and I can tell you I found this very flattering. How many fifty-five year old broads have fifteen year old studs fighting over them?
"Karl got to me first and he shook nervously when he mounted my body. With all his ballsy talk he was just another scared virgin. I told him how to ram his dick into me and the husky blond lad was soon banging away as if he had been screwing for years.
"Sal sat on the edge of the bed and stared at us. This was a new sensation for me ... two boys at once. I was ready for something unique and exciting because I was beginning to get jaded. A little exhibitionism never hurt anyone.
"The husky blond kid started shooting his load and I wrapped my legs around his hips to keep him in place. Karl gasped and sighed with surprise and pleasure as he had his first heterosexual contact.
"The only other relationships he had before me were with other boys. He told me this after he had completed the act of fornication.
"'Now me! Now me!' Sal cried impatiently when he realized his pal had climaxed.
"Karl slid off my body and the other fifteen year old was on top of me in a flash. He didn't need any instructions after watching the blond kid bang me. He rammed his big, juicy dong all the way into my much used slit and pumped excitedly.
"The lad was clumsy like all virgins but I found this very awkwardness to be an added delight. I was sick of those slimy profession hookers like Juan.
"The dark-haired boy reached his climax and trembled all over as his sperm left his young body. I wrapped my arms and legs around him as he was introduced to the adult world for the first time.
"After Sal was laid I had both boys take a nipple each and then suck on them. I stroked Karl's blond head and Sal's dark one as they lay together on me. It was during this intimate moment they told me about their previous homosexual experiences.
"I've never seen two fellows make it with one another,' I said. 'There'll be an extra five bucks in it for you kids if you show me.'
"I don't know if it was the money or if it was the fact they both loved one another but they didn't waste time going into their gay act. Sal went down on the blond boy and mouthed his dick until it erected once more.
"He Frenched his pal until Karl had an orgasm. The dark-haired lad continued with the oralism until the blonde's penis went limp again.
"Sal was fully erected once more and he satisfied himself by rolling his friend over on his belly and Greeking him in his tight little ass. By the way these two boys made love I could see that they were no strangers to the gay world.
"The homosexual scene made me very excited and I Frenched both boys even though they didn't have enough energy to climax for the third time. The three of us spent long moments licking and sucking one another's body and I had each of the boys French a female sex organ for the first time.
"By the time we had exhausted ourselves our bodies were covered with hickies and we were all very satisfied.
"Karl and Sal will be here tonight so I'm looking forward to another orgy. You would think that, by now, I would get tired of boys but I'm not. As a matter-of-fact I now want to buy young studs by the lots.
"One of these days I want an orgy with six or seven boys between the ages of fourteen and seventeen. I'll have them do a lot of homosexual stuff like forming a Daisy Chain for my lecherous pleasure.
"Youth seems to be keeping me young. I'm now like my last husband, Donald, who spent his remaining years screwing and sucking around with teenagers. It may have killed him but what a way to die!
"I wish all my husbands could see me now. They had used me when I was a very young girl and, now that I'm on in years, I am using young lads.
"Why should it be that only men can enjoy themselves with the bodies of the very young? Because I'm in my fifties does it mean that I should dry up and blow away like dust?
"Shit, I have passions, too! I expect to go on having healthy young boys for the rest of my life. I'm not a bit ashamed of my desires for them."
Reaction:
Francine protests too much when she claims that she is not ashamed of her passion for teenaged boys because, like all mature women who have sexual relations with very young males, she has a deep rooted sense of guilt about pedophilia.
With all of the woman's many affairs and marriages she has never really loved anyone and that is her main tragedy. The closest she ever came to any meaningful relationship was with Tommy, the fifteen year old lad she had picked up on a highway.
Most of her pedophilic affairs never last for more than a single night, but she lived with Tommy for two months. When this boy left her she gave up hoping that she could recreate the relationship with another lad.
The woman went from boy to boy in an almost frantic search for her own lost youth. The older she became the more she needed boys to prove to her that she still possessed womanly attractiveness.
Anthony Storr, in his book, SEXUAL DEVIATION, claims that women who feel that they cannot compete any longer on an adult level seek out males much younger than themselves because they know they can dominate the situation.
Usually these women attach themselves to weak men or those they know will not turn them down for younger females. For this reason older women often associate with effeminates and become, in the language of the homosexual, "fag hags".
Francine, with her growing interest in male homosexuality, is going to find herself tagged with this bitter phrase in time. She appears on her way to becoming one of those elderly, well to do women who travel about with very young and dependent males in tow like French poodles.
When Francine was a girl she discovered that older men desired her body and, quite coldly, she went about exploiting their attentions. Her first marriage with a perverted man old enough to be her father who had a fetish for leather and furs made her colder still so that real, romantic love was out of the question.
After exploiting two more older men she became disgusted with herself for engaging in erotic positions with them. Once she believed herself to be financially secure she hoped to have interesting sex relations with younger men for a change but her three marriages had killed what little real affection she had and she went from man to man never finding one she could really get close to.
All Francine found were calculating men who hired out their bodies for steep prices. It was only when she discovered teenaged boys in her forties that the woman found anything that resembled the kind of love she always wanted.
Revenge plays a major part in Francine's pedophilia. By seducing young lads she is getting back at her three husbands for using her body when she was very young. Now that she is the villain instead of the victim she wants to make up for the youth that she bartered away for financial comforts.
Richard von Krafft-Ebing, in his well known work, PSYCHOPATHIA SEXUALIS, claims that adults who have given up hope of ever finding love with people of their own age group usually turn to children and teenagers to vent their frustrations on.
While Krafft-Ebing states that pedophilia is usually a male deviation it is not uncommon for mature women to seduce minor boys. It is this frustration that motivates the thrice divorced woman of fifty-five and not her claim that she goes to young boys because they are less expensive than adult males.
A mature woman needs the company of another mature mind if not body. While she will find a great deal of sexual satisfaction with teenaged studs she will never find social satisfaction.
There is just too much of a generation gap between herself and the teenaged lads and this gap will increase as she gets older and she continues to seek out young boys who could be her grandchildren.
CHAPTER SEVEN.. .
INGRID
Case History: Ingrid O. ... Age: 37.
The subject is a well-formed brunette who is a successful real estate operator in Miami, Florida. She is single and lives alone in a bungalow near the beach which was where this taping took place.
"I've had many bad habits in my time, but I think that lad loving is the worst. At one time I was big on gambling and went to the track where I lost more money than I took in. I also bet on every kind of sporting event there was and was a constant loser.
"If I had all the dough I've thrown away on gambling, I could be living in a big house in one of the best sections of Miami instead of this little bungalow.
"For a couple of years I was on pills, both 'downers' and 'uppers'. It started out when I needed extra pep to pull myself through a trying day. A friend of mine gave me a couple of bennies and I sailed through my day without a hitch so I started to use them regularly. But you can't be up all the time, and you need sleep.
"That's when I started taking downers and I was off and running on the junk merry-go-round. I had to commit myself to a rest home before I broke that habit.
"In my younger days booze was a big thing for me. I wouldn't say I was an alcoholic, but I did bend a pretty good elbow. I quit when I woke up one morning in a flophouse with an unshaven ass in bed beside me.
"I knew that men were a bad habit, too, but I never thought cute little boys were even worse. I'm afraid to think what my next problem will be. Every time I feel I've run out of sins, another one crops up. If I ever kept a dog around this place, I'd probably make him.
"You can blame everything on my broken home. I went to an analyst for awhile and that's what he told me. By the way, psychoanalysis is another bad habit to get into; it is expensive and addicting.
"I went to this jerk for close to two years at fifty bucks a throw and I was as nutty at the end of that time as I had been at the beginning. I think nutty people are better off not taking any kind of treatment at all. Time cures everything.
"Anyhow, I was telling you about my broken home. My father was a new car dealer and made damned good money, which kept my mother, me and my two sisters in comfort, if not luxury. He was a handsome guy and had a weakness for anything with a slit between her legs.
"My mother knew all about his adulteries but tried to look the other way. She was the kind who loved to suffer in silence. I think she got a kick out of being kicked.
"We moved around a lot because my father hated the idea of settling down in one spot. He was a born bachelor who somehow got married. Even when we were in a new city for a few months, my father would spend most of his time away from home. He was a torn cat who had to have his tabbies.
"My mother wasn't much help in creating a feeling of security either. She lived in a dream world and neglected us kids. She was interested in stuff like astrology and splinter religions arid thought that the present life meant nothing and that the hereafter was all.
"The more my father chased broads, the more remote she became. All the while, I, with my sisters, looked like waifs out of Charles Dickens, even though there was enough money to keep us properly housed, fed and clothed.
"The break-up came when my father asked for a divorce. When my mother refused to give it to him, he just took off. Since my mother was unable to support herself, let alone three growing girls, she sent up out to relatives while she wandered in a daze off into the sunset.
"I don't know where she is now, and I don't care. Since she never gave me love, I can hardly expect to waste any tears on her. The last I heard about my father, he was arrested for dealing in stolen cars. He was sent to prison along with other members of his gang.
"I've kept track of my sisters, though. When my mother sent us out to relatives, we were split up because no one family could handle all three of us. I went into a home of an aunt and uncle who could be my grandparents. They were old, cranky and enjoyed running my parents down. Since I depended on them for life itself, I had to keep quiet.
"One of my sisters did better, and was sent to a house where the adults were warm and friendly and where there were other kids to play with. My second sister did even better, and was sent to an aunt and uncle who had been thinking of adopting a child. When my parents broke up, they were quick to pick the girl they always favored the most. Honestly, I felt like the runt of a litter of puppies.
"The happy homes my sisters went to reflected in their futures. Both girls have married good, hard-working men and are raising children of their own. I, who went from the frying pan into the fire, as far as homes were concerned, became a nut.
"For the life of me, I couldn't see why my aunt and uncle married one another because they rarely had conversations and most of the time we all sat in stony silence. When they did speak, it was to run someone down, usually my parents.
"I made up my mind very early in life that marriage was a sick institution and I promised that I wouldn't have anything to do with it. When sex began to nag at my growing body, I, like lonely kids everywhere, found masturbation an outlet and a comfort.
"My aunt caught my fingering myself in bed one night and whipped me with a strap. 'That's how you'll make yourself crazy!' she screamed. 'Crazy houses are full of people who abuse themselves!'
"I believed her and tried to avoid rubbing my slit, but sex kept demanding my attention more and more and I gave into the habit, the first of many. The only good thing my analyst did for me was to convince me that every young girl fingers her cunt while growing up.
"My body filled out fast and boys became interested in me. Love-starved and sex-hungry, I was a pushover for them. I lost my cherry when I was fourteen to a guy of about twenty. He took me to his room and started fingering my slit. When I didn't object he pulled out something larger than his finger.
"Since I was a minor, I suppose it was a case of rape, but I didn't feel like a victim of anything. Although he was just about an adult and took advantage of me, I didn't mind.
'"You've got such a pretty body,' he breathed when he got me to strip.
"My heart pounded wildly. It was the first compliment I'd ever received in my life. For this single bit of flattery, I was willing to give him my all.
"The young fellow took off his clothes. His chest was very hairy and his upright dick seemed to be very big. At the base of his penis were his testicles that hung like huge, hairy plums. He embraced me and our naked bodies touched. The fellow was anxious to get down to business, and slipped his mighty dong into my cleft.
"A sharp, tearing pain inside my body made me gasp. 'It's all right, sweetheart,' he whispered into my ear. 'That always happens the first time.'
"When he started rutting me like a bull in heat, I forgot about the pain and threw myself into the spirit of screwing. Up! Down! Up! Down! The fellow's body moved quickly and passionately.
"Suddenly he stopped and plowed his meat all the way into me. I felt something warm shoot out of his body and he sucked in his breath as his entire being reacted to the climax of the sexual act.
"I became the fellow's girl friend, much to the displeasure of my aunt and uncle. His reputation was well known in the neighborhood, and everyone knew that he didn't waste time on girls who didn't put out. My uncle ended the affair by threatening my first lover with an arrest for 'child molestation'. This scared him off and I never saw him again.
"My aunt and. uncle knew that I was going wild and nutty, so they figured they could marry me off and let someone else handle me. I was seventeen when they introduced me to a skinny, ugly little jerk of twenty-five who worked in a law office. The poor bastard didn't know how to go about getting girls and I was sure that he still had his cherry.
"When we went out on our first date, he was so shy that I, eight years his junior, had to open every conversation. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was many him. It would be like marrying a younger version of my uncle who wasn't much for words, either.
"This law clerk told my aunt and uncle that he was all for the marriage even though he never even held my hand. Before I knew it, preparations were being made and I could see that I was going to be forced into a marriage against my will if I didn't escape it in time.
"I packed a bag, left a note, and slipped out of the house in the dead of night. I don't know what happened to that law clerk, but I've heard, through my sisters, that the couple who had, after a fashion, raised me, lived to a ripe old age and died peacefully in bed. It was probably the only thing of importance those two ever did in bed during their dumb lives.
"I got a job as a waitress in a restaurant where guys were always making passes at me. Once I let one of them get into my pants, they all wanted a piece of nookie. The fellow who ran the restaurant fired me because he said he didn't want any tramps bringing down the quality of the joint.
"That's when my drinking began. I guess I was trying to drown my ever-present need for love and sex. Drinking only caused more trouble, because guys fought over me in bars. A bartender I knew wanted to marry me all the same, but I turned him down. Marriage was for sickies. It was better to have lovers.
"When my drunken period ended, I decided to get a hold of myself and make a good living for a change. I took courses in real estate and found that I had a knack of selling houses and property. I'm an extrovert who loves people and this is an asset on the job.
"Once I started making money, I discovered a way to get rid of all that green fast ... gambling. I was hooked on race tracks and enjoyed the give-and-take with other gamblers. Nothing joins people more than a similar vice.
"I lost money so fast that I had to borrow from my boss. This made him edgy because he knew where gambling led men and women. Finally he let me go because he didn't want me to get into any deeper debt to him than I was already. He wrote off my debt to him as a going away present.
"Only when I was stone broke did I finally give up the gambling habit. I found a job at another real estate office and was determined to make a go of it. I pushed myself so hard that I had to have pills to wake me up and to put me to sleep. Pills led me to a nut house, the place my aunt said I'd eventually wind up in for jerking off as a kid.
"I started going to an analyst after I got out. He didn't seem to do anything for his money. All he did was sit there in silence looking wise and knowing. I felt I was home again with my stone-faced uncle.
"My lad loving period began after I had undergone psychoanalysis, which shows you how much good it did for me.
"Kids rent bungalows for a week, a month, or the season every Winter around here. When I bought this place it was in the middle of August, the off-season in Florida, so this neighborhood was deserted. Then, when the first chill began up North, the place was suddenly jumping with all kinds of kids.
"I walked out to the beach one day and found it packed with cute lads wearing nothing but bathing trunks. There were some cute girls, too, but I didn't pay much attention to them.
"In my usual friendly fashion I started talking to some of the boys. I met a bunch of high school seniors who had talked their parents into letting them spend their Christmas vacation in warm Florida instead of icy Illinois. They all chipped in and rented the bungalow next to mine for a week, which didn't make me sad. Most people my age would resent having a gang of kids moving in next to them but I wasn't like most people my age.
"Ken, Edward, Jimmy and Jay were all seventeen years old. They were loose upon the world by themselves for the first time, and naturally their main interest was girls. It seems that all of them were virgins and they had made a pact to get laid in Florida or bust. They told me this when they were a bit loaded on beer.
"At the time they didn't think of me as a possible solution to their plans because they all had eyes for the pretty girls in their bikinis. I had a more matronly figure and I probably reminded them of their mothers. I certainly was old enough.
"The boys soon learned that far more boys than girls were at the bungalow colony and they had to compete with a lot of other studs for the same broads. With a tight timetable staring them in the face, they got desperate. 'You know any girls?' Ken, a chubby boy with pink cheeks asked me.
"We were sitting around their rented bungalow swilling beer in our bathing suits and I felt sorry for the lads. They hadn't come to Florida to get warm, but to get laid. I felt annoyed by the fact that they didn't even consider making it with me. I was still kind of a mother-image to them, someone they went to with problems but not pricks.
'"The only girl I really know,' I told the boys, 'is me.'
"The kids exchanged glances. For the first time they looked upon me as a sexual being. I guess they had been put off by my advanced age before, but now that I had opened the door for them, they didn't waste much time getting in.
'"You've got a great figure,' Edward, a tall lad with black hair told me, opening the door a bit wider.
"Tm no slip of a girl in a bikini,' I said, 'but I've never had any complaints.'
"Jay's crotch bulged obviously and he leered down at the valley formed by my breasts as he stood next to my chair. 'I always did like women with meat on them,' he said tightly.
"It hadn't taken the boys long to get sexually aroused. At their age the slightest erotic suggestion sent blood pouring into their dicks. I thought that any further conversation would be cock-teasing, so I threw my door open as wide as possible and invited the gang in.
"I stood up and peeled off my bathing suit. 'First come, first served,' I said with a grin.
"The boys stripped off their bathing trunks. Each of them had an erection and they crowded around me at once, probing their stiff tubes against my body. I stretched out on a bed and Jay climbed on top of me first. He rammed his male member into my vagina, and for the very first time in his young life, started screwing.
"Ken, Edward, and Jimmy watched as they gathered about the bed. I looked up at their taut balls and erected penises. They were all so anxious to lose their virginities. Boys in their teens think that there is something unmanly in not having sex with girls at their age. Virtue may be an attractive thing in a girl but it was some kind of a crime in a boy.
"Jay shot his load a few seconds after he mounted me. When he peeled himself off my body he seemed very proud and joyful. He had become a man by coming.
"Edward was next and he rammed into me in a rather clumsy way, but I knew that, in time, experience would smooth out his rough edges. He had the raw material to be a great lover because his penis was very large and hard. After pumping into me for a few seconds he reached a climax. He, like the other lads, were so primed for sex that they couldn't contain themselves once they made contact with a female body for the first time.
"Ken, the chubby kid, didn't have much of a rod, but he more than made up for his lack of inches with sheer energy. His heaviness pressed down against me and he sometimes thrust his dick outside my body, but eventually, he shot his come and a new man was born.
"Jimmy, a cute kid with curly blond hair, all but threw himself on my body when his turn came. He had been aroused enough at the beginning, but after seeing his friends screw me, his young dong was about to split at the seams with need. He was well-endowed and he used his tool very well despite his boiling need.
"I assumed he had picked up pointers from watching the other lads bang me. When he poured his juice into my body he issued a huge sigh of relief. The pact that he had made with his friends about getting laid in Florida or busting was now fulfilled.
"Since I had taken on the four lads just two days before they were due to leave for Illinois, I didn't have much more time with them. The boys realized that a bird in the hand was worth a half dozen on the beach and spent the remainder of their vacation screwing me. I saw them off at the airport and they promised to see me the next chance they got.
"Teenaged boys now became my newest vice and I threw myself into it as I had with all the other previous sins. Around the beach my name became popular. I was the old bag who dug the flesh of little kids. My reputation brought me studs by the dozens and sometimes kids of eleven and twelve started hanging around my bungalow.
"I chased them away fast. Morality begins when you draw the line and I drew it at the age of fifteen. I didn't want to take on anyone younger than that. I think a couple of fourteen year olds slipped in but I never asked any of the studs for birth certificates.
"For every rose there is a thorn, as the saying goes. My thorns came when I was walking along the beach one night alone. When I reached a deserted section I turned to walk back to my house. Just as I did, I heard a cry in the darkness. 'There she is!'
"There was a rush of feet and I soon found myself surrounded by a wolf pack of boys ranging in age from fourteen to seventeen. It was so dark I couldn't tell exactly how many there were, but I didn't need light to know that they were all drunk or high on dope. Having been addicted to both booze and pills in my time, I could tell when someone was on something.
"'I hear you like to fuck kids,' one of the younger ones said.
"'Some other time,' I said and tried to move on.
"Instantly I was covered with hands. All the boys started demanding that I strip and take them all on right there. I tried to push them away, but there were too many of them and they were all made powerful by alcohol, junk and sexual need.
'"Let's rape her!" I heard a young lad suggest
"I recognized the voice. He was a fifteen year old I had already taken on. He wanted to rape me, not because I was unavailable, but because he was caught up in the madness of the moment. There was a streak of violence in all males and I could feel it being released among the boys like a storm.
"Although they had to know that I would have willingly had sex with them if they had asked me in a nice way, they were all too high on violence to care. Of all the drugs, violence was the most addictive and most dangerous.
"The boys tore off my clothes. I was so far away down the deserted end of the beach that my screams went unheard except by the raping pack. If anything, my sufferings seemed to delight them.
"'Look at her ass!' a boy cried when my rear was exposed.
"'Look at her tits!'" another screamed when my bra was torn off.
"'Look at her cunt!' three or four lads screamed at the same time.
"Naked, I was thrown down upon the sand. Someone fell on top of me. He thrust his erect penis into my vagina and started the mass rape.
"Boys pulled off their pants and some stripped themselves completely naked. They weren't content to wait in line, and stiff dicks were shoved at me from all directions. I was rolled over on my side so that a boy could sodomize me while another fornicated. A kid who could be no more than fourteen straddled my head and rammed his penis into my mouth. I was so pinned down by naked boys I had no other choice but to French him.
"Three-way rape became the order of the night. As soon as someone climaxed into my vagina, anus or mouth, another dick would be shoved into the opening. There were so many boys having orgasms, the darkness seemed to take on the odor of warm semen.
"The pack of sexually aroused teenagers also used their mouths on me and sucked at every part of my body. Boys chewed on my nipples, butt, legs, thighs, belly and vagina. The mouthing began in earnest when the last boy had shot the final load.
"The lads were so swept up by the mass rape that they couldn't stop themselves even though they had reached their climaxes. But, as with all storms, this sexual one finally passed.
"The boys left as quickly as they had arrived, and I was alone once more. I managed to cover myself with my torn clothing and I crawled back to my bungalow.
"I couldn't call the police, of course. What could I tell them? Could I complain that I had been raped by boys I had already seduced? But, while the police never learned about the mass attack, everyone around here did.
"Boys avoided me and I knew that some of them had been in on the big rape. Since I've stopped encouraging boys to have sex with me, they'll all know that I've soured on young studs since the attack.
"Now I don't even go out on the beach at all. I'll probably put on my bathing suit after the season is over and I'm thinking of selling this bungalow.
"It used to be that I was wild for teenaged boys but now I can't stand the sight of them. Lad loving has gone the way of all my other bad habits. I wonder what I'll take up next?"
Reaction:
Ingrid is a woman who lives her life in frantic phases. Gambling had been one of her phases and so were drugs and alcohol. After her brutal experience on the beach, it is doubtful that she will be a lad lover once more.
She will find some other vice, and after tiring of it, she will look around for another form of self-destruction.
Ingrid has strong suicidal impulses which are balanced by an equally strong need to survive and enjoy life. When she goes as far as she dares with one form of self-destruction, she retreats from it and rebuilds herself.
Once the woman finds that she is whole and stable again, she moved towards destruction once more and this pattern repeats itself time after time as her need to live and her wish to die battle each other.
All of us, according to Wilhelm Stekel, in his book, PECULIARITIES OF BEHAVIOR, have suicidal impulses along with an instinct to survive.
In Ingrid's case, her opposing drives are much more marked than the average person. Because she has denied herself the stabilizing relationship of marriage, Ingrid appears doomed to spend the rest of her life being battered between her strong desires to live and to die.
Alcohol and drugs are instruments of self-destruction, but after almost killing herself with them, Ingrid made a splendid effort to become a success in real estate. Her period of stability didn't last long as she started to gamble.
Smiley Blanton, in his book, LOVE OR PERISH, claims that gambling is a form of both self-destruction and a cry for love. Since Ingrid has both of these impulses, it was only natural that she fell into the habit of gambling.
When people bet small sums of money in hopes of getting much larger amounts, it is their way of demanding the love they feel had been denied them. And, when gamblers lose constantly, they are actually giving away their lives in little bits in the shape of money.
When Ingrid went broke at the tracks, she accepted this as a kind of death, and falling back on her life's pattern, rebuilt her bank balances and her life through hard work.
In lad loving, Ingrid found another habit where love and self-destruction were almost one as with gambling. She entered the world of pedophilia in hopes of finding the love that always seemed to pull away from her grasp.
But, even as she had sex relations with teenaged boys, she knew that she was performing socially unacceptable acts. This realization satisfied her suicidal impulses and she increased her scope of pedophilia, until, at last, she neared the border of self-destruction once more when she became a victim of a mass rape by teenagers.
At the time of the interview, Ingrid was in her rebuilding phase, and so could view herself objectively. By the time her confession is published, she will probably be in the midst of another destructive period.
I can only hope that she will read these lines and learn to live again. One way she can do this is through the love of an adult male ... and not a teenaged lad.
This is one of the worst cases of pedophilia that I have so far come across and it will probably top all those off that I will ever come across.
Even the boys, to whom she gave her body so completely, could not tolerate the degree that she went to. They showed this by actually getting back at her in the end. They all felt guilty themselves. And they could have only picked up this deep feeling of guilt from their lover, Ingrid.
As in all the cases so far, this deep guilt rears its ugly head. The boys picked it up and had to use violence to overcome it. Thus the rape scene on the beach. They knew that by raping Ingrid that they would probably destroy the temptation of having a willing, elderly woman around to fuck whenever they wanted.
Ingrid, who has many years of sex ahead of her, will perhaps even go back to pedophilia after she loses her paranoia of the young rapists. And when she does, she will again go to the extremes that she did on previous occasions in pedophilia and, indeed, in her other vices.
Very -likely though, her next vice will combined with drugs. She will probably resort to heavy doses of drugs in order to suppress the pain of all her enormous appetites being shut off by society's rules about sex. And, if she does go to drugs, this may be her last vice.
Since she is still relatively young, when you compare her age to that of the other cases in this book, she may even try her luck at prostitution. For here she may come across the type of young men she-likes and even get paid for her services.
There are many prostitutes today who are in that profession for just that reason, to satisfy then-own lusts and to make a decent living at it at the same time. It seems that this is the most expedient way for a woman who has a case of nymphomania or pedophilia to feed her hungry sexual appetite.
Of course, one way out for Ingrid would be to face up to all the facts of her past. She had a very poor family life with her mother, father and even her aunt and uncle.
Her analyst tried to help her out with this and even she acknowledged it. Her troubles in the present stem from the strict repressions and suppressions of her early family life. The rest of the cases in this book actually reflect the same thing. Because of early suppressions and stops on any normal sexual outlet, the woman has turned to perversions and later felt guilty about it.
Possibly, if these women could actually reflect fully on their pasts and resolve the problems there that have never been resolved, then they could be free now to be normal. If looked at closely, even the parents of Ingrid were victims of their own early family life. It is a never ending cycle of sexual suppression which stimulates every kind of perversion in the books.
As of this writing an organization is making a study on all perversions and their causes and might come up with some applicable answers for cases such as Ingrid's.