In many primitive tribes it is a common practice for the older men of the tribe to make love with their nubile daughters during the initial rites of puberty. Obviously, to the mind of Western Civilization such a practice is intolerable and thus not allowed to exist.
But what is intolerable, whether for religious or social reasons, does many times exist in the undercurrent of behavior that is out of the reach of the long arm of moral controls. Incest between a father and his daughter is one of these forbidden acts that does occur with a startling amount of frequency beneath the surface of acceptable behavior.
The Twentieth Century has brought mankind to the edge of space and to the depths of the oceans; but it has also opened the doors to our own passions and desires. We have taken a good, long look into ourselves and we have discovered that we are not as pure and noble of heart as we once thought. We have seen that within ourselves lurks darkness, a strange and unyielding force that many times results in behavior which is abhorrent to our conscious minds yet desired with tremendous force by our subconscious.
In this volume of case histories, we shall examine numerous situations in which the subconscious desires were allowed to emerge into the reality of actions. We shall examine the conditions and environments under which these acts of coupling between a father and his daughter occurred and we shall, if possible, establish the relationships between environments and the act itself.
Using first-hand testimony as told to myself and my tape recorder by the fathers and girls involved, we shall spare no detail no matter how intimate in our attempt to dig through the surface and come up with a grain of truth. All of these testimonies will lend some insight into the relationship between a father and his daughter and each one will, hopefully, illustrate the circumstances which seem to add to the motivation of the participants.
It is hoped that through the study of the cases included in this volume the reader will further advance his understanding of human sexuality. And that through that advancement he will then realize the connection between our sexual drives and motivations and those universal desires and needs that affect us all.
CHAPTER ONE
The case of Lynne H. gives us a striking example of how puritanical sex codes may turn against those who practice it and eventually result in more perversity than they were originally intending to curb. It is within the character of Lynne's father, Burt, that we shall see this strange, and not too uncommon metamorphosis.
Lynne H. is fifteen years old, blonde and blue-eyed. She is a beautiful girl who has only recently acquired a woman's body. But her emotions do not as yet coincide with her feminine being. As all young people, though, she strove to discover the natural beauty of sex with people her own age.
Growing up in a small town in central California, Lynne was raised by her father. Burt is a rough man who works the oil fields nearby. His wife left him with their small child after he had beaten her one night in a drunken rage. Thus, the protection of Lynne fell solely into his hands, and he developed a very strict sense of morality as a result.
I spoke with Lynne not long after the events of this case occurred. She was a little older, and much wiser because of what happened to her. But her enthusiasm, and the hope of finding her own happiness in the future were still with her. I think after reading the printed form of our taped conversations, the reader will find in her an intelligence and awareness of life. These factors help in her discussion of the case, and in her ability to remember in vivid detail what took place daring that summer when her father used his strict sense of morality to violate his own daughter.
The feeling was always there. It was there ever since I could remember. That constant, almost nightmare feeling that he was watching me, waiting for me to grow up. Now, after all that has happened, I realize that the whole thing wasn't some kind of figment of my imagination.
My father and I lived in this small town near some oil fields on the coast. It was one of those places where every Saturday night the place came alive and then died the next morning. I knew that sometime I would have to leave, have to go to the city or something and get away. But as it turned out, it was just too late.
When my mother left us, I was about four years old. I don't remember her too well. Daddy took all the pictures of her down, and there was no way which I could even tell what she had looked like. It was like, after she left, she had never existed. All of a sudden, she was a non-person like from some of those science fiction books.
As I was growing up, there were things that daddy did with me that, until now, seemed perfectly alright. He used to give me baths, and wash me all over. He would run his hands up and down my back, pinch my buttocks and sometimes even run his hand up between my legs. I had played with myself a little by then, and when he touched me there, right in my vagina, it really shook me.
One night, when I was about nine years old, he really went pretty far. He had just showered me and dried me off. He carried me naked back into the bedroom and lay me down on the bed. I felt funny because of the way he was staring at me, I had never seen that kind of look in his face before.
"You look fine, my little Lynne...." He said, grinning from ear to ear. Then, he lowered his pants. His penis was huge and standing out stiff and red. He began jacking himself off, slowly moving his hands up and down the length with even, sensual strokes.
"Ah yeah," he moaned, "someday a boy's going to come inside you ... and you're going to open your legs for him. Go ahead, open your legs!"
I did as he commanded. There was a funny tingling sensation in my stomach. He stared between my thighs, his eyes seemingly driving into my vagina. I waited, frightened and not sure of what he would do next. Then, he began pulling on himself harder and harder. A huge amount of white semen shot from him, and some landed on my stomach. I thought I would throw up when the hot stuff landed there, and got up and ran into the bathroom. As I stood in the bathtub trying to wash the stuff off, all I could hear was his terrible laughter from the bedroom.
For a long time, that scene really bothered me. But there was nothing I could do about it nor anyone I could talk to. So, it kind of just faded into my memory. It was the only way I could face him after that, the only way I could stay in the same house with him.
All this time, he was changing. He began drinking a lot and swearing all over the place. As one year, then another, passed, he grew more and more demanding and belligerent. He ordered me around as though I was a slave or something, and he wound up drinking at least a whole bottle of whiskey a night.
Finally, when I was fourteen, things began to change for me. My body had developed pretty well, my breasts were large and shapely, and my pubic hair formed an almost perfect blonde triangle. It was nice because I began to see myself as a woman, I mean, someone who might be attractive to boys. I really began to dream about some guy who might come along and take me away from my father.
Sex for me had been something that I didn't dare to even explore. My father's lectures were really something else. He would stand near the door to the bathroom, while I was naked behind the shower curtain, and preach to me. This began when I was about fourteen and was really self-conscious about my body.
"You watch yourself, Lynne," he would say, stopping only to take a long swig on his bottle, "boys are goin' to be chasin' you all over the place. They'll try an get between those long, thin legs of yours and plant themselves. You got to be careful, save yourself for the right man ... your husband. And even then, when you're married and he rolls over and suckles those big, soft tits of yours and brings his hand up between those creamy thighs, you got to turn him away. At those times, you just think of your old daddy and all the hard work he's done to raise you right and proper. And if a boy ever tries to make you do something awful, like take him into your sweet little mouth, you just tell me and I'll git his hide!!!"
And then he would lean against the doorway and wait for me to step out of the shower. I would hold off as long as possible, always hoping that he would leave. But he would stay there until I finally had to reach out and grab a towel. The rack was far enough away from the tub so that I would have to show my breast. His eyes were always right there, waiting to catch a glimpse of my breast.
"Yessir," he would shout, "men are going to try and pervert you, destroy that little body of yours. Your ol' daddy will be a waitin' for 'em, though, you just count on it, honey!"
And then finally, he would leave. It was amazing, but this happened every time I took a shower when he was around. I began to shower in the afternoons, while he was still at work. That worked for awhile and allowed me to have my first sexual experience.
There was a lake near my house where we kids went swimming during the summer months. Spring had arrived and one afternoon I walked down to the beach. No one was around, the place was empty because the water was still pretty cold.
I wandered around the beach for awhile, just happy to be alone. But when I lay down on the warm sand, this strange tingling seemed to invade my whole body. I became aware of my breasts, not because my daddy was staring at them, but because they seemed to be growing hard. I rubbed my nipples, and beneath the thin material of my blouse, I could feel them growing hard. I had never noticed this before, even during those times when I struggled in the shower to get myself wrapped in a towel.
I slid my hand underneath my blouse and lifted the cotton of my bra above my breast. Just having it naked like that, being able to touch the warm skin capped by my rock hard nipple really got me off. I pinched the nipple, then stroked it lightly, trying to find exactly the touch that made me feel best. Soon, I was unbuttoning my blouse. When it hung open, my breasts became exposed to the warm sun and air, and I was really getting turned on.
It had never occurred to me just how good my body was. My breasts were large and topped with symmetrical nipples that looked like the kind those girls in the magazines had. When I lay back, they fell evenly on my chest, pointing out just slightly in each direction. Then I sat up, and watched them fall down across my chest. It was amazing to me how they moved, and how good they seemed.
The afternoon was really picking up. There was nothing that could stop me. I felt as though I was beginning to know myself for the first time, to really experience my own body. Until that time, everything about myself had been a point of shame and dirt. Those things that daddy kept saying to me, those words of warning, had always made me disregard myself. But on this warm and sunny day, I was learning to forget those words, and to see what really existed.
I stood upright and threw my blouse to the ground. Just that act gave me a thrill. In a moment, my bra also fell to the ground and I was naked from the waist up. I felt freer than I had ever felt before. The energy, that strange tingle between my legs, was growing steadily. It was a new feeling for me, coming on as strong as it was, and it gave me a sense of myself and the excitement which might have been possible in life ... especially with another boy.
I walked around for a while, just feeling my breasts bounce and watching them. The nipples were rock hard, and they began aching. I rubbed them softly, then lifted my breast to my mouth and ran my tongue around the circular buds, letting the tingle shoot through my entire body. It was the most incredible feeling I had ever had.
Then I noticed a moisture between my legs that I had never known before. My panties were soaking wet, and my thighs felt like they were on fire. I massaged my belly, then let my fingers roam downwards underneath my jeans and panties. When I reached the top edge of my furry patch, I began to grow dizzy with excitement.
Quickly, without thinking anymore about any thing but just allowing myself to feel, I unzipped my jeans and pulled them down. After stepping out of them, I slid my panties down and stood completely naked on the beach. I was so excited, so tense with the new sensations shooting through my body that I felt if I moved even one inch I would burst apart. So, I just stood there, perfectly still and unable to move.
The warm wind seemed to take my body and caress it with its gentle fingers. It roamed around my breasts, then down across my stomach and seemed to drift between my moist thighs. The juices were flowing like a fountain, and my loins were burning up. Finally, I gathered the courage to touch myself there.
At first, the sensation was so strong that it seemed unreal. The lips of my vagina seemed larger than they looked. They were wet and seemed to pulsate as I ran my finger up and down the length of each side. Then, I pulled them apart and touched myself inside.
It was like diving into a warm, exciting world. The more I pushed my finger up into myself, the more my whole body tingled. I went up as far as I could and closed my legs tightly around my hand. Then I fell to my knees, unable to stand the fantastic sensations that were flowing through me.
I lay back on the sand and spread my legs. I suddenly felt more daring and alive than I had for a long time. I wanted everyone to see me naked, I wanted to expose myself to the universe.
I pushed myself further than I had ever been before. My thighs were like open gates as my hand roamed firmly between them into my writhing cunt. All of my flesh revolved around the center core of my vagina. Then I discovered my clitoris.
It felt strangely erect, like a small piece of flesh accidentally placed at the top edge of my crack. Each time I touched it, the sensation shot from it like a bolt of lightning. I pulled the layer of skin around it and moved it back and forth, not really being able to touch the small bud directly.
In the midst of all this, when I felt myself floating towards the bright sun in a swirl of ecstasy, I thought about my father. His image came into my mind like an invader of secret dreams. His face, contorted from whiskey, leering like a savage horny old man stuck in my skull. I stopped moving completely, lay back and tried to get that image from my mind. But it was useless.
As I dressed, I realized that I had been affected in some strange way. I wondered why the pleasure I had been feeling during those moments couldn't have lasted. I was angry more because the words of warning, the very things he had said to me were nothing more than his own desires. Sex felt good, there didn't seem to be anything wrong with it and yet, he had told me what a sin it all was. And now, as I was getting close to that place his words and the image of him had destroyed it all. I was furious by the time I started the long walk back to town. But I was also determined to find a boy, and experience the real thing. I knew that if it was anything like what I had just gone through, then it must be well worth it.
I continued masturbating for a long time after that. Late at night, after I made certain that daddy was out cold from a heavy night of drinking, I would lift my nightie above my waist and begin. Each night, as I played with myself, I discovered those places between my legs that seemed to give me the most pleasure, I felt as though I was getting closer and closer to orgasm. I knew that eventually it had to come, that someday I would be able to find some total release. But the fear of being discovered, that constant threat of my father walking in my room to find me sprawled half naked on my bed with my hands between my legs was always there. It was something that I would never get over.
But then I met Steve. Steve was a mechanic in town who I knew just slightly from the times when daddy would allow me to ride in with him to get supplies and gasoline. Steve seemed very nice. He was tall and pretty good looking, but not handsome. What seemed really good about him, though, was his smile. It was real friendly and open, as though he was really capable of being honest. It wasn't the kind of leer which I had seen so many times on the face of my father.
The day I met Steve, daddy left me in the car while he went across the street to get some more whiskey. Steve was waiting on the car, and as he cleaned off the windshield, he looked in at me and smiled.
"You're looking better every day, Lynne." I blushed. It was the first time in a long time that anyone said anything nice to me. Most of the boys around really were frightened of the old man, and wouldn't dare make a pass at me for fear of the consequences.
"Your old man really keeps you locked away, don't he?"
It was a relief to find someone who seemed to understand.
"Yes," I replied, wondering what was taking daddy so long.
"You should get out and around a little. You know, see some movies or something...." Then he came to the window and leaned inside. "There's a good film at the Central. Get yourself a girl friend for cover and meet me there."
Then he backed away real quickly. My father was crossing the street, carrying a large bag with a couple of bottles inside.
"Ten o'clock. Back row."
"What the Hell did he say to you?" My father was angry, the last words from Steve had reached his ears just as he was lowering himself into the front seat.
"Nothing, daddy...." I was scared. But my father was in a good mood because he had just been paid and, as was usual, had just spent the better part of his pay on whiskey.
"Okay, fuck it!"
He tore out of the station. I looked back and saw Steve watching us. He held up both hands as a signal for the time when we should meet. My heart began to beat wildly, and I was afraid that my father might hear.
When I got home, I called up Sally. She wanted to go to the movies, and it was alright with my father because he was having one of his card games that night anyway. All afternoon, I paced around my bedroom, half scared and half anticipating what was to come that night.
When Sally finally came over, with her mother waiting in the car out front, daddy was already drunk. He looked at Sally with a leer. She was pretty well-built, with long dark legs and long black hair. Her breasts were pretty well defined beneath her flimsy dress, and daddy really ate the whole sight up.
"Well," he said, taking a long swig, "take care of yourselves. Your mom's going in with you, ain't she?"
"Yes, sir, she is," Sally lied. But we knew neither would talk to the other because Sally's mother was terrified of my father. I really couldn't blame her, either.
When we finally got to the theater, I explained what the situation was to Sally. She agreed, telling me that it was high time I got myself into a little trouble.
Steve was waiting for me in the back row. He grinned broadly when he saw me. As I sat down beside him, I realized that we were alone, the next people being three rows in front of us.
"I didn't think you'd really come." He said taking my hand and squeezing it.
"It was easy. But if daddy ever finds out, we're in big trouble."
"Yeah, I know." But he laughed as though no one, especially my father, could scare him off. It made me feel good to know that he wanted to be with me badly enough to risk being caught by my father. No other boy had ever been that brave because of me.
We watched the film for a while. Then, from nowhere, he leaned over and kissed me. It was the first time I had ever been kissed. His tongue worked hard to get inside my mouth, and finally I opened myself to him. He jabbed inside, ran his flesh along my teeth and then plunged further inside.
I was really beginning to enjoy the feel of his mouth against mine. But then his hand came down on my knee. I tightened up immediately, not wanting to go too fast.
"Easy," he whispered, sliding his hand now up my thighs to the edge of my panties, "just touching. Okay?"
I didn't know what to do at that moment. I knew if I let the situation go any further then I would have to go all the way. But the day had been spent thinking, wondering what it would be like to be close. I had masturbated in the shower and had gotten myself really hyped up then. Now, just after kissing him, I was really turned on. I knew deep down inside that I would never be able to stop.
"C'mon Lynne. I don't hurt...."
I spread my legs and he moaned as he slid his hand up against my crack. My vagina seemed to ripple as he glided his palm gently up and down. My panties were soaking wet, and the heat seemed to pour out from between my thighs like an oven.
"You're wet," He said.
"Yes...." I moaned, feeling dizzy and loving every movement and every touch. "Take them off."
"I can't!"
"Why not?"
It was a good question. I mean, it was dark in the theater, and no one would ever know. I pulled up my dress, felt his eyes on my thighs, and quickly slid the wet panties down over my legs. It felt very strange to be naked in public, or at least naked beneath my dress. I was quickly getting hotter than I had ever been before.
Steve quickly slid his hand between my legs and touched my crack. He held his fingers there without moving, almost as though any movement might start an explosion. I waited breathlessly for him to do something, to start something which would get me off.
"You're beautiful," He whispered, and then he lowered his head onto my lap. I panicked because I was sure that someone would see us there. But Steve wasn't afraid. He pulled my dress up to my hips, and put his mouth to my cunt.
I began moaning softly, trying to keep my voice down as he drove his tongue up and down along my crack. His flesh was soft and warm, and he worked in and out of me smoothly and delicately. I was feeling like I was going crazy, and I knew at that moment that I wanted to fuck him.
I opened my legs far and let his head rest between them. He pulled open my lips and drove his tongue deep inside me. Then he pulled out and worked my clit, moving that bud back and forth with the tip of his tongue until I thought I would fly right out of the theater.
"Come up, Steve, enough!"
He rose from between my naked legs and put his head against my breasts. Quickly, he opened my blouse and pulled my bra down across my tit until my breast stood out naked. He put his teeth to my nipple and began biting it softly, moving his tongue against it while he did this.
I was getting so worked up that I thought I would have to leave the theater. I was sure everyone there knew what was happening between us. I kept thinking that at any moment my father would barge in, holding his shotgun and kill us both. But then Steve would bite down on my nipple a little harder, and I would be jolted back to reality. Finally, he leaned back against his seat, exhausted and breathing heavily.
"Your turn," He said.
"My turn for what?"
"This...." And he took my hand and rested it on his groin. I could feel the hard staff beneath his pants, and the way it twitched each time I moved my fingers.
After all the things my father had warned me about, nothing had been of greater ominousness than a man's penis. To my father, what I was doing now would have carried at least a life's sentence in prison.
"Does it feel good?" Steve asked as I began stroking him, marveling at the length and at the hardness of his prick.
"Yes ... but take it out!"
He looked shocked. But I wanted to do everything my father had told me not to. Once and for all, I wanted to prove to myself that my father's warnings were just a lot of bullshit; that a woman's vagina and a man's penis were as natural parts of their bodies as was lips and noses.
Steve struggled for a few moments, then pulled his pink shiny cock from inside his pants. I took the staff into my hand and squeezed it. A tiny bud of white liquid drooled from the hole, and I knelt over and flicked it up with my tongue. Steve groaned.
"Shut-up!" I cried, almost laughing.
"You're driving me crazy!" He moaned.
"It's going to get a lot worse!" I was really beginning to enjoy myself. Everything had lost the aura of dirtiness and sin that my father had placed on it. I knew then and there that sex would become my thing, that I would live only for the feel of a man inside me.
I licked the head of his prick. The mushroom bud was huge, and it seemed to emanate its own warmth. Then I put my lips around it and drew him deep inside my mouth.
Steve tightened up as I rode up and down his penis. I let him pump strongly into my mouth, and extended my neck at an angle so that I would be able to take even more of him inside.
Then I felt his penis begin to pulsate. The white semen shot up into my mouth with more force than I had anticipated. I gagged and choked as I tried to take all of it inside. Finally, though, I managed to swallow it. Steve lay back against the seat and smiled at me.
"You are unbelievable!"
"You're pretty good yourself...."
"How many times have you done that?"
"This was my first...."
He seemed shocked but pleased. "My God, you do it better than anyone I've ever had. You're a natural!"
I stuffed his penis back into his pants. I enjoyed the feel of it even when it was soft. I played with his sacs, squeezing each ball separately then running my finger up between them gently.
"Let's leave this shit hole of a town."
I laughed at the idea, but could see that he was perfectly serious about it. He really wanted to take me away. But I knew that I couldn't go.
"My daddy'll get me arrested. And you'll be thrown in some jail for all kinds of things...."
Steve thought about this for a moment, then realized that I was right. I wasn't even close to the age of consent.
"We'll keep seeing each other, though, won't we?" He seemed really unsure whether or not I would be with him again.
"We still haven't made love."
He laughed.
After that night, I dreamed of the time when Steve and I could really do it. I wanted to have it happen in a bed, somewhere where we could really be free to make all the noise we wanted to. It was a horrible feeling, though, knowing that I would have to wait for such a long time before anything like that happened. Even though daddy didn't suspect anything, I still had to be careful about it. One slip and the whole thing would be over.
Then one weekend it happened. Daddy walked into my bedroom, as usual without knocking, and announced that he was going to see his sister for the night. I knew better. He was going to a roadhouse somewhere up the road, a place he went to a couple of times a year. He always thought I fell for his line about his sister, but he guessed wrong.
"Now you be good, you hear? I don't want you messin' around like all the other dumb-ass little kids whenever their parents leave them alone!"
I told him I would be fine. He was so drunk by the time he got into his pick-up truck that I don't think he even noticed me. I was worried that he might be able to tell exactly what I was thinking or planning to do. What I didn't know at that time was that he knew exactly what I was planning.
The night before, I had snuck into my bedroom and had called Steve. Our conversation had gotten really way out of hand.
"I want to kiss all of you," He had said in that real sexy voice of his.
"I want to feel your lips all over my naked flesh. On my breasts and between my legs. I want you inside me." I had said.
And then Steve had begun breathing real hard. "What are you doing?" I asked, seeing the image of his penis as he pushed it up between my legs.
"I have it in my hand, Lynne, just the sound of your voice makes me all excited."
While I had been talking to him, he had been jacking himself off. "Are you all naked?" I asked, feeling the tingle between my thighs and wishing I were with him.
"Yea," He replied....
And then I really got carried away. I started telling him things. Like I said that I wanted to take his penis into my mouth again, to kiss every part of him there and to suck on his balls. I said that I wanted to have him eat me out, run his tongue all the way up inside me, and then to push his cock deep into my belly. My breathing was getting heavier and heavier, and then I listened as he came. He moaned loudly into the telephone and I began to shake all over.
After I had hung up the phone I was so excited that I was about ready to try anything to get to see Steve. This feeling of desperation lasted until the next day, at the time when daddy told me about his little visit to his 'sisters'. What I didn't know was that he had heard all of the conversation the night before, and that he had known about Steve and myself.
I watched him drive off, and when I was sure he had gone I ran into the house to call Steve.
"He's gone!" I said, holding my already moist mound.
"Goddamn! I'll be right over!"
He hung up without saying goodbye. I tore at' my clothing and ran into the shower. I wanted to be perfect for what I knew would be the greatest day of my life. As I ran the bar of soap over my flesh, I became really turned on. I spread my legs and held the soap there, and rocked back and forth along the bar until I thought I would faint with dizziness. And then I heard the doorbell.
I wrapped a towel around me and ran to the front door.
"Beautiful, baby, just beautiful!" Steve stood there grinning. His eyes moved up and down my body. I stepped away from the door and dropped the towel. It was the first time he had ever seen me naked.
"How am I?" It was the first time any boy had ever seen me in the nude.
"The best...." He took me into his arms and pushed himself up against my belly. I threw my legs around his and began moving my wet cunt up and down his jeans.
"Let's go fuck!"
We ran into my bedroom. I didn't even bother to shut the door. I lay back on the mattress and watched Steve as he pulled at his clothes. He was in such a hurry that he ripped three buttons off his shirt. When he was naked, he stood above me and just looked at me.
Then he knelt down over me, took my legs and spread them, then put his mouth between. His tongue worked up and down my crack, and I could hear the noisy licking sounds as he gobbled up my juices. I pushed him further and tighter against me, trying to get him inside.
But I didn't want his tongue this time. I had had that before. Now, I wanted the real thing, his penis.
"Stop it, Steve," I moaned, pulling his head from my mound, "I want you inside me. I want all of you!"
"Okay."
And he lifted himself onto the bed. He hovered above me, and I spread my legs so that he could come down between them. I felt the head of his penis up against my vagina, but he could not enter. I reached down between our bellies and took his hard staff and directed it into my hole.
I could feel the walls of my vagina tear and spread as he entered me. He was larger than I could have ever imagined, and there seemed no end to his length. When he was finally in all the way, we rested.
"My God," I whispered, afraid to talk or make a move, "you feel good!"
"So do you, baby ... so do you...."
And then he began pumping. At first the motions were slow, almost beset with fear. But then he started moving faster and faster. Each time he plunged deeply into me, I felt as though my entire being would burst apart.
"Ooooh ... ahhhh...!" I cried, thrashing my pelvis up to meet his, throwing my legs high onto his back so that he could have all of me.
It seemed as though all of our skin, each square inch of our bodies was coming together and melting. I did not feel as though it would ever end, but just continue on and on. I never wanted it to stop, I always wanted to feel like I did at that moment.
"Goddamn you, you bastard! Get out of my house before I kill you!!!"
Daddy was standing in the doorway to the bedroom. The shotgun was pointed directly at Steve's head. Steve came at that moment, and I will always remember a quirky little smile building at the corners of his mouth. He had ejaculated into the vagina of the daughter of the man who stood behind him ready to kill him. I have always thought that it was one of the grooviest orgasms ever.
"You little runt! Get your prick out of here before I shoot it off your skinny little body!!!"
Steve winked at me. I could tell that he was scared, and would probably go get the Sheriff or something. I knew as I watched my father push him out of the house that I was in for the beating of my life. I felt that if I could keep the feelings I had just had with Steve alive, that I could endure any kind of beating the old man might give me.
When Steve was finally gone, Daddy came storming back into the bedroom. He was drunk and roaring mad. His eyes were on fire and he dripped saliva from the corners of his mouth. He seemed more like a wild, rabid animal than an outraged moralist.
"You little whore, fucking with anyone with a rod that gets hard!!!"
"Please daddy...." I cried, covering my nakedness with the bedspread.
"You'll just open your legs for anyone, won't you!"
And then he seemed to calm down. He lowered his gun, then dropped it onto the floor. He sat down on the bed next to me and tried to pull the covers away from my breasts. I held on tight.
"Oh, come on, baby. I'm sorry about all this. You remember how you used to treat me when you were small. You would do anything for me. How about a little kiss, huh?"
I was becoming more terrified of this than of the beating. I was beginning to pray that he would start slugging me rather than do what it appeared he might do.
"Go to Hell you dirty, horny, fucked up old man!!!"
The words shocked him. He raised his hand and then slammed the opened palm across my face. In a strange way I was relieved as I fell back onto the bed.
"No little bitch is going to call me that!!!" And then he ripped the covers away from me. I was naked, and drew my legs tightly together so that maybe I could prevent him from entering me.
But his strength was too much. He tore open my legs and ran his hands firmly up between my thighs. He grabbed my mound and pushed one finger strongly inside my vagina.
"There, little girl, that's where it's all happening. From now on, it belongs to just me. No other stud ever gets inside you, ever!"
I watched him as though from a dream. He took his clothes off slowly, and when he was naked, he brought himself to where my head lay.
"Here," he said, holding his huge prick near my lips, "open yourself for me ... like you did for him."
I couldn't do it. But then he pinched my nose so that I couldn't take any air and when I finally had to open my mouth his penis was inside. He lunged unevenly back and forth into my mouth, and I thought he would plunge his prick back through the wall of my throat. Finally, he withdrew.
He walked around the bed, looking me over and smiling wickedly at what he saw.
"Pretty neat stuff. And you're all mine. Every man's little girl should always be his, no matter what!"
I felt him get down between my legs. He kissed every part of me and then put his tongue to my vagina. When he was through there, he peered at me across my belly.
"You like your old man? He isn't so bad after all, is he?"
Then he stood up, lifted my legs and spread them out at a right angle. I was wide open, and I could feel the heat of his prick as he got closer and closer to me. Finally, the huge tip ripped through my lips and he plunged deep inside.
I gripped the sides of the bed, trying to hold on with everything I had. He moved strongly and without any kind of gentleness. Somehow, life had made him some kind of wild animal, his urges had become uncontrollable and what was worse, without any love.
The maddening scene seemed to last a lifetime. With relief I felt him shudder, then I felt his white stuff pour into my vagina. He fell across me, breathing hard and went to sleep immediately.
I left home that night. My father was so wiped out by the whole thing that he wouldn't have awakened if a million tons of TNT had fallen on his head.
The nearest highway found me a ride within ten minutes. I had to give the guy driving a blow job, and then he took me all the way to L.A.
I am now eighteen years old. Men like me, they always try and pick me up wherever I go. But I am not sure if there will ever be a time when I could stand the thought of a man making love to me. Maybe, though, someone who is gentle, kind and understanding will come along who might be able to help me. I guess I am just waiting for that person, trying to keep myself together in the meantime.
SUMMARY
This case demonstrates the peculiar powers which sexual repression and the ensuing sense of frustrated morality has on various individuals. It is important to note the progression of the father in this case through his various stages of guilt.
In the beginning, when Lynne was just a little girl, Burt, the father, used her tender body as a sexual toy. He even went so far, in one example quoted by Lynne, to force the small child into performing fellatio upon him. But this series of events, even though it obviously gave the man pleasure, created within him a strong and certain sense of guilt. This shame would have to be worked out in some way.
That manner of working out his own guilt feelings came from preaching sermons of morality to his own daughter. But these sermons were schizophrenic in nature. It should be noted that the only times Burt really became moralistic was when Lynne was standing naked behind the shower curtain. Obviously, the silhouette of her naked young body excited him; but the guilt forced him into words of sexual morality rather than into any acts of sexuality. Thus, within the man, there developed a tormented sense of desire, but a desire that was accompanied at the same time by a strong feeling of guilt.
The solution to the problem lay with Steve. In his subconscious mind, Burt saw that if he caught his little girl doing exactly what he had warned her not to, then he would have all the justification he needed to have her himself. If he could make her lose her virginity, or at least catch her in the act, then there would be no more sacred cows which needed protection.
The afternoon with Steve gave Burt the breakthrough that he needed. And, as is evident by Lynne's recounting of the episode, he took full advantage of his psychological opportunity.
With Lynne herself, we see a young girl who is willing to learn about life through her own experiences rather than through the warnings of her father. She goes against his word, seeking to establish herself as an independent woman capable of love. In so doing, she succumbs to Burt's strange games and finds herself the victim of his repressed lust.
Lynne has analyzed the problem and understands the ramifications of her experiences with her father. The intelligence, however, may know one thing and the emotions another. It is in Lynne's own words that the young, beautiful girl knows exactly what she needs. With her inquisitive and fearless mind, it is certain that eventually she will find it, and with it, she will discover herself as a complete woman.
CHAPTER TWO
Harry M. is a forty year old father deeply entrenched within the normal aspects of society. For fifteen years, he has worked as an aerospace worker in a suburb of San Francisco while, at the same time, trying to raise his daughter Melaine. These two full time jobs have left Harry much to himself, and far out of touch with new social patterns of behavior that have emerged upon the American scene in the past decade.
The irony of Harry's story revolves around the split that has developed between himself and his daughter, and between himself and the world around him. Isolated for forty hours a week in a sterile laboratory, Harry has lost touch with the world around him, and in seeking to protect his daughter, has also lost communication with her. It is Melaine who first sees the loneliness of her father, and the outright lack of sensuality which seems to motivate his entire life. She, in her manner of the new sexual morality seeks to rectify the situation without regard to the taboo which prohibits the sexual coupling between a man and his daughter.
To say that Harry was a victim in this story is carrying the word a little too far. After recording his statements, told to me over a period of two evenings, we both agreed that in fact there were no victims. The taboo of father/daughter incest obviously had some affect upon the man, but otherwise, he was able to view the actions of his daughter as ones motivated from love and sincerity rather than from any perverse sense of sexuality.
When this thing with Melaine happened, I felt like I had been reborn; that my eyes had been opened after being closed all of my life. I realized that I had been walking through most of my life in a hypnotic trance, really unaware of myself and of my own potential. I would have to say that she helped me, but I still feel strange about the manner in which everything took place.
The change really began sometime last summer. As usual, I was going to work everyday, doing experimental work with hydraulics, and then returning home to our little home outside San Francisco. As I look back on the situation now, I realize that I was virtually walking through everything with my eyes closed. I saw nothing. I still treated my daughter as if she were five years old instead of realizing that she was fifteen, with the body of a woman and the mind of a growing adult.
Until that summer, I had spent all of my spare time with Melaine-taking her to the zoo, the movies and to the beach. I had not sought any sexual relations with women because I felt that they would interfere with my daughter's upbringing. So, in essence, I was living solely for my work and for my daughter.
Then, one weekend in early July, I discovered that things had changed. I came home from work on a Friday evening, ready to spend the night with Melaine, when she appeared from her bedroom wearing a very low cut dress. She is a beautiful girl, with straight black hair and green eyes that shimmer wildly when she's excited or happy. Her body is long and lean, and her breasts are finely sculptured mounds that seemed to express themselves more in that moment than they had throughout the fifteen years I had raised her.
"Where are you going?" I asked her, startled at her appearance.
"On a date. We're going out to dinner then to a movie."
She had never really dated like this before. There had been friends and boys with whom she had gone to the beach and other places. "Who with?" I asked, trying to sound cool about the whole thing.
"Daddy," she said, sitting on my lap, "I'm a big girl now, I mean, I've got to learn about life and things."
I could feel her small, tight buttocks as she wriggled on my lap. She wore perfume, but the scent of her skin was even finer. As she talked with me, her white teeth shone brightly from behind her smooth, full lips. She had become an incredibly beautiful girl.
"Alright, Melaine, just be careful!" She kissed me on the cheeks, then she did a very strange thing. Instead of pulling her warm mouth away, she ran her tongue across my cheek, then licked my lips smoothly and finally kissed me full on the mouth.
"I will, daddy. And why don't you go have some fun. After all, there are a lot of women who would enjoy your company...."
That kind of talk stirred me. I became excited and threw her off in a joking manner before she could become aware of the hardness underneath her ass. "I will, baby, don't worry about it."
She laughed as she ran from the room to answer the front door. The boy was tall and skinny, and looked nervous. I envied the bastard, and realized with a sense of relief that Melaine did not really like him.
I sat in that chair for a full hour after she left with her date. The kiss she had given me was not the kind of kiss a daughter gives her father. Then, the words which she spoke, the attempt on her part to get me out and with a woman were all beating into my brain. The feel and smell of her young, firm body near mine did not help matters either. I realized that it had been one Hell of a long time since I had been with a woman.
San Francisco is a town dotted with all kinds of places where a man can find a woman. There are massage parlours, nude studios and bars, and prostitutes walking the streets throughout the city. I decided that I had better go there on that night, have myself a woman and try to relieve the thoughts and images that were plaguing my mind.
The first place I went to was a nude bar. Inside, there was a stage with a blonde wriggling her ass all over the place. She was naked and had huge, firm tits. They looked kind of phony to me and I remembered about silicone. When she went up, the tits seemed to go up directly with her, there was no lag.
But it had been a long time since I had last seen a naked woman. Before I could order my drink, my prick was hard and throbbing. I don't think I had had an erection for months, and now I was really straight and hard.
"What would you like, sir?" She was a topless barmaid. Her breasts were small and pointed, and I suddenly thought of Melaine.
I ordered a scotch and water. She smiled at me and I waited for my drink, wondering when I would be able to walk again. I watched the dancer some more, and then decided that I would really enjoy a massage.
I found a small parlour right around the corner from the bar. Inside the tiny front office, a tall, raven -haired beauty sat behind the desk. She smiled at me, her brown eyes shining with mischief.
"What can I do for you?"
"I'd like a massage...."
"We have," she said, standing behind the desk and revealing her toga-clad body that seemed to bust right out of the material, "twenty dollar massages. That would be for an hour. Then, we have our special ... for forty dollars."
She waited. "And what is that?" I finally asked. There must have been some small legal problem with the forty dollar massage that forced the customer into asking himself.
"Well," she said, lowering her eyes as though she were a virgin revealing herself to a man for the first time, "for forty dollars you get one hour with one of our young ladies. You will be naked and so will she."
"I'll take it!" I said, watching her eyes as she glided them over my body. I handed her the money and she led me down a hallway to a small room. Inside, there was a medical table with a small dresser in the corner.
"Remove your clothes, I'll be back in a second."
I undressed and lay down on the table. My prick was still hard, and I wondered if I would ever be soft again. I decided to roll over onto my belly so that she wouldn't be hit with my bulging cock the moment she walked in, but I was too late.
"No need for that...." She stood in the doorway. The toga fell from her shoulders, then across her hips and finally to the floor. Her body was incredible, like a Greek statue. Her bony shoulders moved gracefully down into her large, melon shaped breasts. Each tit was topped with a smooth, pink bud ... and the nipples were already hard and pointed. Her belly was like glass, it was so smooth. And then her long legs led to the triangle down below where her glistening pubic hair was sparse, like in a small girl's, and revealed the pink slit that ran up between. I had never seen a more beautiful woman.
"Are you alright?" She asked, pushing me back flat on the table and beginning to rub my boiling skin.
"Yes...." But I was shaking with excitement. Watching her move above me, her breasts dangling there with her belly right near my face was really getting to me.
"My name is Kim...."
"I'm Harry. Pleased to meet you."
Then we both fell silent. Her hand moved deliciously over my body. She rubbed my chest, then followed the center of my body down to my pubis, then gracefully touched the tip of my cock and moved away again.
I couldn't stand it too much longer and decided that I would have to make my move. I brought my hand up behind her leg and massaged the back of her thighs. She moved herself towards me, arching her belly outwards a little and making her crack more visible.
"Mr. H!" She said, spreading her thighs as I brought my hand up between them, "you're being a bad little boy!"
"Yes ... I always was a bad shit!" This made her laugh. I felt the heat between her legs, and I finally reached her mound, rode my fingers along her wet, warm crack. She was big, a real fucker who had been around.
Kim lifted her leg and rested her knee on the edge of the table. Her mound was in full view from behind. I reached underneath, and entered her with my finger. She moaned softly as I began stroking the warm interior of her vagina.
"Oh yesssss, baby...." She whispered.
Then she leaned down across my belly. Her breasts rested on my balls and she moved them around in circles over my throbbing cock and nuts. Then she took her breasts and squeezed them around my penis. She began moving them back and forth along my length, creating for me an artificial cunt the likes of which I had never seen.
"You're big and nice." She said, smiling at me. I could see that she was turned on. Her pupils were enlarged and her lips wet and shiny.
"Put your mouth to it." She stopped smiling. I rested my hand inside her cunt, waiting.
"It will cost."
"How much?" I was willing to spend anything to have that warm, lush mouth wrapped around my prick.
"Forty...."
"Okay...."
"I've got to have the money before."
I pulled my hand out from between her long legs. I pulled the money from my wallet and she took it in silence.
"Okay," she said after putting the forty dollars in a small purse she kept inside her toga, "sit down...."
I sat on the edge of the table with my legs dangling over the edge. She stood between my knees and gently moved them apart.
"You want to watch?"
"Yes." I thought it would be fun to watch her blow me. She leaned down between my legs and began kissing the inside of my thighs. I stroked her back, feeling her strong muscles moving firmly beneath my hands as she worked her way ever closer.
When she reached my sex, she took my penis and held it upright. She kissed the inside of my thighs, then blew warm air onto one of my sacs. Then, she took my ball into her mouth and sucked gently on it. Her tongue seemed to work as a separate entity as she stroked the soft skin there and continued to whistle the air through her large lips.
After taking each of my balls into her mouth, Kim then flicked her tongue up and down the length of my prick. She followed the ridge on the underside, and when she reached the head she let her tongue roam around the circumference.
Before taking me inside her mouth, she looked up at me and smiled. "Oh yeah," she moaned, and I knew that she was enjoying herself, "I love it...." And then she parted her lips and took my length into her mouth. Her tongue was working quickly as she rode up and down it, sucking hard and pulling from me those juices that had been bottled up for so long inside.
"I'm cuming!" I wanted to warn her because it felt like a time bomb was inside that was ready to explode. She raised her eyes, but kept her mouth around me. I grinned. She obviously liked it, I had heard about women who really enjoyed taking cum into their mouths, and she was apparently one of them.
As I began throbbing and spurting in her mouth, Kim reached around me and pulled me even closer into her. Her mouth worked frantically along my prick, trying to stay with me as I throbbed and shot my stuff down her throat. When I had finally finished, she licked me off, enjoying taking everything that I had.
"That was incredible!" I said as I was pulling on my pants.
"It was a long time for you, wasn't it?"
"Yes," I answered, not feeling funny because I hadn't been with a woman for some time.
"You should get yourself more," Kim said, pulling her toga up over her melon breasts, "someone should take you and make you into a lover."
"How about you?" I didn't know what I was asking, had forgotten that she was a pro.
"Sorry." she said, suddenly turning cold as though she were afraid of going any further than a customer/professional relationship. "I don't think you could afford me."
She winked and walked out the door, I really liked her and would have taken her home with me if I could have. Then I thought about Melaine, wondered what she was doing during those fantastic minutes when Kim had been sucking me off. The idea that maybe Melaine was doing the same thing to that boy she had gone out with made me at once angry and envious.
I went home that night and had trouble falling asleep. The image of Kim, bending over me with her mouth around my penis kept flooding my mind. I wanted everything now, wanted more sex and really began to wonder what I had been doing with myself for the last fifteen years. All of that time I had been without a woman, and now the idea of being without female companionship even for this night was appalling. I finally got to sleep after drinking almost a fifth of bourbon. It was more of a knockout than sleep, but at least I wasn't turning and twisting thinking about Kim and that Grecian body of hers.
The next week, during the working days, things began changing again. In work, I found some relief from my own frustration, and even began to take some notice of the cute little redhead named Jean who worked in the file room next to my lab. But after leaving the job, and returning home, I found it very difficult to speak with my own daughter. The irritation that I was feeling was infecting every part of my life. It grew worse on a Tuesday of that week, and I decided to take the rest of the day off.
As I drove home through the warm sunshine, I thought about taking Melaine to the beach. We could drive down the coast, lay around on the sand and then have dinner in Monterey. I knew that she would enjoy it because she always liked those spontaneous holidays.
I called out to Melaine when I walked in through the front door, but she was nowhere to be found. I walked upstairs to her bedroom and then looked in mine. She was gone. She had not been expecting me, so there was no reason to believe that she should have been around waiting.
I mixed myself a drink and sat down to read the paper. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw some movement in the swimming pool. I peered through the curtains, not sure of what I would find out there, and saw my daughter.
Melaine was swimming back and forth across the length of the pool. Beneath the cool, shimmering water, she was stark naked. I couldn't see all of her from where I stood, but whenever she reached one end, she would stand and then dive back in the other direction. Her small, pear shaped breasts were shining with the water rolling down across her pink, buds.
As I watched her, I felt ashamed. I knew that the sight of her naked body was turning me on, and that was something which was terribly wrong. But she was so beautiful, so fragile and so graceful in the nude that I couldn't tear my eyes away. When she finally emerged from the water, I was then able to see her entire naked body.
She walked across the patio, lay down on the lounge chair and threw her legs wide apart. Her pubic hair was sparse, and her little pink crack plainly visible as the sun reflected lazily off her shiny skin. Her mound was perfectly formed at the vortex of her thighs, creating a perfect little triangle that seemed to blend beautifully with the rest of her. Her long lean legs, her flat young belly all added up to the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. As I stood there gazing at this most remarkable sight, the telephone rang.
I was able to pick up the receiver on the first ring, so Melaine never heard it.
"Hello?"
"Is this Harry M.?"
"Why yes," I replied, recognizing the voice of Mary Sue who lived next door. I hadn't seen or spoken with her for months, but as I remembered her, she was a petite little blonde with almost a boyish figure.
"Mr. M.," She screamed, obviously irritated about something, "did you know that your little girl is wandering around in the open air without a stitchof clothing?"
"She does have the pool...."
"Don't be funny, sir, this kind of thing is illegal!"
I knew that it wasn't illegal. And I told Mary Sue that. Then, to my surprise, she demanded that I come to her house for what she called 'a serious discussion of this problem.
I had not known a problem existed. But I went next door to the split level home anyway. There was something almost ludicrous about the whole thing, something which I knew to be true but could not really put my hands on.
Mary Sue wore a white blouse and black slacks when she answered the door. She looked more like a member of an evening cocktail party than an outraged citizen who was protesting the fact that Melaine was swimming in the nude.
"This kind of thing is happening all over the country, Mr. M., and I think it should be stopped!"
I asked her what she was talking about. She offered me a drink and went on to explain that the morals of the country were folding. That everyone was running around naked having sex. She said that she was grateful that there were still people like herself and me who really understood the need for some kind of control.
I resented being classified in that niche, and I told her so. Then, a thought occurred to me. I didn't want to be labeled or drawn into her own little uptight way of life, I decided to try and end our little association as quickly as possible. The only way that could be accomplished was through an immediate attack on the poor woman.
"Miss Mary Sue," I said, in my best David Niven voice, "I think there are problems here that you fail to grasp. It would be advisable if you allowed yourself the advantage of seeing this whole situation from another perspective...."
I had her going. She was already on her third drink and was getting pretty well polluted. Her eyebrows seemed frozen into a puzzled frown, and I knew that I was confusing her.
"You have limited yourself...." I walked up to her and gazed down at her small body. She was actually very pretty, and I could see where she could be very sexy if she relaxed her mouth and allowed her body to gain some sense of itself.
"Mr. M.!"
She was shocked when I took her into my arms and kissed her. Her tight little mouth held fast like stone, but then something amazing happened. She relaxed.
Her lips parted and our tongues met halfway and did battle until finally I drove her back into her own mouth. I pushed myself up against her, and grabbed one cheek of her ass and squeezed.
"My God!" She breathed, her voice now mellow and low, "I haven't kissed like that in years!"
I felt her hand coming up between my legs. "Oh wow!" she moaned when she held my cock. She moved it back and forth beneath my pants, fingering my balls and getting in her feels everywhere.
I unbuttoned her blouse. She tensed up as I removed the fabric from her and then pulled the small bra down across her little, apple shaped breasts. She was almost flat, and most of her breast was nipple. Still, when I leaned down and suckled the small, hard buds, they tasted as sweet as any woman's.
"Oh, easy ... please, easy...."
She was struggling with my zipper, and when she finally pulled it open, she began jacking me off like crazy. Her hand moved up and down quickly, she was going to pull me off before I even had a chance to get myself together.
"Go slow!"
"Okay ... sorry...."
It had been a long time for her. She did not feel the movements as a woman does when she has been getting it with some amount of consistency. She began pulling on me now more slowly, and her even strokes began to emulate how I would pump into her when the time for that came.
"Just a minute...." She pulled away from me, naked from the waist up. With trembling fingers, she unsnapped her button and pulled her slacks over her slim hips. I was surprised to see that she did not wear underwear.
When she was naked, she dropped her hands down across her blonde cunt and turned her toes inwards as though she could suck her little mound back up inside her belly.
"Do you like me?" She asked, raising her eyes to mine. Her pupils were large and her blue eyes watery. Suddenly, she had become a beautiful woman instead of a cranky housewife.
"Yes, I do."
"Take off your clothes ... "
I pulled my clothing apart and when I was naked she walked the two feet between us and rubbed her belly up against my prick. Then she took my rod and pushed the head between her thighs. After spreading her legs, she managed to squeeze the tip in between her lips.
"Oh God, that feels nice. So nice to have some thing there!"
I pulled her ass in tightly and she responded by throwing her leg up and around my back. Now, her cunt was wide open, ready to be entered. We both struggled until finally I felt myself slide up between her soft, warm lips and into her vagina. She held onto me tightly as I began pushing in and out.
"Oh yes, fuck me. Fuck me...." She was moaning, there were even tears flowing down her cheeks.
I pulled out because I was losing my balance and without a word, we went into the bedroom.
The room was as sterile as my lab. Obviously, she kept the place immaculate. But the room showed no signs of life. Everything was in its place, and the bed seemed to be made of stone.
"Do you ever sleep with your husband?" I asked, realizing why she was like she was.
"No ... not in five months. Sometimes," she continued, laying down on the bed, "in good years we do it maybe three or four times."
I held myself above her naked body. She was almost totally flat when she was lying down. Her bush of blonde hair was the only part of her that really stood up. But she was sexy, sexy because she really wanted it.
"Please...." She moaned, tiring of me standing above her and just looking. But it had been such a long time since I had had a woman, and I wanted to prolong the moment.
As I leaned down between her legs, she spread herself to greet me. She lifted her legs and held them around my back, pulling me tightly into her. I fumbled with her hole, finally found it and entered her.
She cried out as I went in inch by inch. Her vagina was tight, unused and on the verge of extinction. I began pumping very slowly, feeling her entire body loosen and become mine as we started driving into each other.
"Now ... now ... ooooh ...." She was moaning like crazy. I felt her shudder beneath me, raise her pelvis in one last frantic plunge and then she came. I poured myself into her, feeling my juices being drained, those energies that seemed to just now be needing release.
When we had finished, and were laying side by side on the bed, Mary Sue began talking.
"Sometimes," she started, staring up at the ceiling, "sometimes it's got to happen. I mean, we have to put ourselves out, break all the rules. I guess you could say maybe it's for survival. I wanted you the moment you came here, and I understood at that moment why I had made the call. I hope you realize now that I really didn't mind seeing your little girl swimming naked."
I thought of Melaine sitting out by the pool in the nude and I was excited again. "No, I understand."
"Good, I felt kind of silly about the whole thing...."
When she saw that I was hard, she leaned down across my belly and held my cock gently.
"I love it when it's hard. I love it...." And then she took it into her mouth. She ran her tongue around the edges then slid her lips all the way down to the base. When I came, she swallowed everything, and I think she came at the same moment also. It was a new day for both of us.
By the time I got back to my own house, Melaine was dressed and sitting in the living room watching T.V. She looked sparkling clean, fresh as spring and more beautiful than I had ever seen her.
"Hi, daddy!" She got up from her chair, ran over and kissed me on the cheek. She did not wear a bra underneath her tee shirt, and her melon shaped breasts bobbed and weaved as she ran.
"Let's go away for a few days...." She jumped at the idea. I had suddenly felt the need to get out of town, away from my job and away from the changes that were taking place. I had a few days vacation coming to me, so there would be no great loss if just Melaine and I went down the coast together.
"Are you sure you want to come?" I thought that perhaps she had a date or something.
"Yes, daddy, of course I am!"
In another hour, we were on the road down towards Monterey. I had called up and made reservations in a small motel for two in separate, adjoining rooms. Just driving along the coast with her next to me already made me feel better, as though I was still on some road that had begun only a short time before.
"You know," Melaine said after a long silence, "you look better than I've seen you look in a long time. How come?"
"I don't really know," I replied, feeling her young eyes on me, "I guess things are just getting better."
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
I detected a note of worry in her voice. There was the same sweet smile, but behind it lay a mind that was seeking answers. "No, I don't."
"Oh."
And then she slid across the seat right next to me. She moved her legs up against mine and threw her arms around my neck.
"Well, now you do! I'll be your girlfriend!"
And then she put her mouth to my ear and blew warm air into it. Her tongue flicked at the hole there and a shiver went through me that felt like an electric shock.
"Melaine, what the Hell are you doing!!?"
I was half angry and half loving it. She was so sweet and open, so impulsive. I was already erect and wondering if the whole trip might not be some kind of disaster.
"I'm your girlfriend, daddy, I can do whatever I want!"
And then she ran her tongue around and around inside my ear. She seemed well practiced, she really knew what she was doing.
"Melaine," I said finally, not wanting this to stop but knowing that it must, "not that way!"
"Why not?"
She pulled away and seemed hurt. She put her hands between her thighs and stared at the car floor.
"Because, you're my daughter! You can't behave that way with your own father!"
"They do it in other countries. They love their fathers there and they show it. Why can't I?"
"Because this isn't another country! We don't do things like that here. We can't!"
"That's too bad...."
I hadn't realized what kind of a girl she had become. Her ideas, her way of looking at things was much different than mine. When the magazines and newspapers spoke of the younger generation, I had never paid them much attention. I had always thought each generation was pretty much the same. But I was beginning to see that I had been wrong. This new generation, these kids growing up were seeking new rules. They were going on pure feeling without analytical thought or without the old mores. It was astonishing, yet, at the same time, it gave me a thrill. Just to think that possibly there was another way, another manner in which people could behave with each other was the best thought I had come across in years. I suddenly began laughing.
"What's so funny?" She asked, thinking that I was laughing at her. "It's nothing."
"It's got to be something!" She was hurt and angry because I had refused her advances.
"Listen, you just did something that I wasn't ready for, that's all."
"You mean that honestly?" She was smiling again.
"Yes," I said, feeling her warmth return and watching her loosen up again.
"Groovy!" And then she moved up next to me again. This time, she rested her hand high on my thigh so that when she dangled her fingers she was actually touching the lower part of my balls. "Touch my breasts...."
"What!?"
Melaine did not speak again. Instead, she raised her tee shirt above her head and threw it off. She sat there next to me, her breasts shining in the afternoon sun, smiling like a mischievious and delectable child.
"Touch them!"
She took my hand from the steering wheel and placed it on her breast. The nipple rose between my finger as I felt her soft warm flesh rise and fall with her increased breathing.
"That feels nice. Is there anything wrong with this?"
I couldn't answer her. The feel of her full breast was so stimulating to me that I could barely keep the damn car on the road. When she mover her hand higher up between my thighs, I thought I would drive into a ditch.
"I've always wanted to do this ... you know, touch you. I remember when I was a little girl I used to sneak in and watch you taking a shower. Your penis looked so huge and long then, but there was something safe about it. I really wanted to touch you then, to play with you like we did when we went to the beach or to the park...."
Her head was on my shoulder. I played with her nipple and she rubbed my groin. There was a crooked little smile on her face. She seemed more at peace with herself than I had ever seen her. The moment was totally beautiful.
"Let me." I had flinched when she tried for my zipper. But finally I relaxed as she fumbled with it and finally drew it down across my prick. In a moment, she was holding my erect penis in her shaking hands. Her eyes were wide open as she gazed at it.
"It's beautiful! Oh daddy ... !! !"And then she bent down onto my lap. I felt her little mouth open and accept the bulk of my prick inside. Her mouth was so sweet it was almost unbearable. Her tongue was warm and wicked, moving about like a little snake over my heated flesh.
Every movement, every motion that Melaine made seemed to come from a free and wildly sensual intelligence. There were no abrupt movements, everything came from a grace that I had not known since my youth. There was no guilt, no explanations and no panic. Everything was as naturally beautiful as the golden trees along the coast.
I didn't want to come inside her mouth so I pulled her head away from me.
"Still hung up with that soiled routine, eh?" She had read my actions, knew the reason behind my sudden movements.
"I guess I am...."
"Well," she smiled, holding my penis in her hand, "let's do it the other way ... okay?"
"Okay!"
As her hand glided smoothly up and down my prick, my daughter kissed me lightly on the lips. Her hair was fine and silken and her small breasts pushed gently against my chest. I had never known a girl to feel so good or lovely before.
"Just let it come, daddy ... all of it...." She was whispering into my ear as I began ejaculating into her hand. She rode with my orgasm as though she had beat me off a hundred times before. Her rhythm was excellent, and she managed to make the last few moments more than just a dying off period.
After we had both dressed, she leaned against the door of the car and smiled. "Now, what the Hell was wrong with all that?"
"You're still my daughter...."
"That made it even better!"
When we got to the motel, we both ran into our rooms. I was beginning to get confused about everything. The moment, the reality of her next to me was something which I could not deny as being the most desirable thing in my life. But the fact that she was my daughter, that what I was engaging in with her was something that society despised. I realized that my own self-image, my own sense of moral righteousness would never be the same. I had committed the ultimate sin, and I had enjoyed it. I wondered with a feverish mind whether the fact that I had enjoyed my own daughter in that way made me a healthier human being or a worse sinner.
"Hello daddy...."
Melaine stood in the doorway which led into her room. She was naked and did not bother to cover herself like Mary Sue had. Instead, one leg was thrown out a little ways, and her pink lips were plainly visible beneath the fine hair of her pubis. I had never seen a more beautiful woman before in my life. I suddenly understood the magic which painters saw in the young female body. The soft lines that were firm yet barely negligible. The smooth skin was without marking of the flesh that appear on older women. The complete grace which they seemed to possess, a grace untouched by hard living.
"Are you just going to look? I know you can do more than that!"
She plopped herself down on my lap. There was no feeling of modesty over her own nudity. She was as comfortable in the nude as she was when she was dressed.
"This is going to be the greatest vacation ever! Could we go out on a boat tomorrow?"
I told her we could. There was no sense of the dramatic in her. She was sitting naked on my lap, her small buttocks wedged firmly against my groin, and she still had the naturalness and lack of drama to speak about our vacation.
"Get undressed daddy, and we'll make love...." She said it simply and without simplications. She watched me from the bed as I struggled out of my clothes. She was laying on her stomach with her chin resting on her arms. She looked like a small, helpless animal who knew how to have fun and was really anticipating the joy she would receive. There was none of the dread that had been evident with Mary Sue.
"You're pretty good-looking for an old man!"
"I'm not old, damn you!" She giggled as I pretended to slap her on the fanny. She rolled over and arched herself up to my hand as I brought it down again. Her cunt was wet, and the small firm lips protruded out from between her slender thighs.
"Come on daddy...." She held her arms out to me and raised her legs. I fell between them and she slid her feet up around my back. She reached down to my prick and held it a moment, then guided it in between her pearly gates. When I was all the way inside, she stopped moving.
"Let's just enjoy the feeling of being this close, okay?"
I knew what she meant. There was that incredible feeling of having known someone as one thing, then turning around and discovering an entirely new side. Finally, though, she began pushing herself up against me. And soon, our bellies were slapping hard against one anothers! She was obviously not a virgin, and she came easily after a very short period of time. When I came, she drew her legs together and held my penis inside her vagina. She looked serene and complete, like the most beautiful woman in the world.
"Did you like it?" She asked after a while. "I loved it...." And she smiled and went to sleep.
Our weekend was spent making love all of the time. And when we returned home, I knew that it was all over. There was a change inside Melaine that was apparent. We would never make love in our own home, and we would never make love again.
One night, shortly after our vacation, she came into the living room carrying a duffle bag. She explained that she was going away because she had completed herself with me. She said that society would never allow us to continue like we were and that she would have to seek other men. I understood what she said and we parted.
I realized after she had left that she had opened a door to me that had been closed for a long time. As for her, I think I gave her a much needed love, a kind of love that turned her into a complete woman.
SUMMARY
The positive notes in this case must be taken into consideration when analyzing the conditions under which incest took place. The fact that there was no need of advancement or even promotion of the idea from Harry gives evidence that the motivation for the act came from his daughter. In fact, Melaine in a strange way led Harry through a series of sexual changes that might be classified as sexual growth.
Harry had resigned himself to a life filled with work and dedication to his only child. This existence deprived him of the human contact which is needed by all mankind.
Melaine grew up in a generation which prized human warmth and sexual expression. Her freedom, and sense of life within others allowed her to develop and seek the same thing in her own father. Her actions, then, might be considered under the light of love rather than as a sexually perverted act.
Obviously, the young girl was aware of her own libido to the extent that she could recall her own feelings as a child when she saw her father's penis. This enchantment is common within elements of Freudian analysis. But instead of repressing this desire, Melaine acted it out in reality. In so doing, she lent a new height of sensuality to her father's existence-one that resulted in a more fulfilled life for him later on.
Harry now faces the problem of working out in his own mind a means by which he can accept the relationship that existed between himself and his daughter. But instead of becoming an extreme and non-moving moralist, he has taken this worry and transformed it into a desire to know more about and fully understand the complex and often strange workings of human sexuality.
CHAPTER THREE
Carol W. is seventeen years old. Tall, with flaming red hair and the body of a Hollywood starlet, she is the kind of girl who could have any man she went after. But Carol also carried with her extreme good looks a quick and active mind-and with this facility, she has attempted to rectify what she felt to be a sexually repressed situation within her family, especially with her father.
Born and raised in the suburbs of Los Angeles, Carol was one of two sisters. Her mother left the family when she was only three years old and she and her older sister had to play the role of housewife for the man who was their father. Jim W., Carol's father, thus worked hard to raise his daughters, to make them into the kind of women who 'wouldn't cop out' like their mother had.
This bitterness held on the part of the father resulted in a strict puritanical ethic which he employed for every venture. His tremendous ability to stifle all emotions, to make every nuance of sexuality something wicked and taboo finally led the two girls into a search for themselves. It is this search for sexual fulfillment and the inevitable inclusion of Jim within their own private sexual revolution which we shall deal with here.
Using a tape recorder and the bright, willing nature of Carol, I was able to construct the events which finally led to the act of incest between Carol and her father. Her story is one which could easily be termed a microcosm of American society and the changes that have taken place in our society over the past decade. I am hopeful that, with this perspective in mind, this case history will provide illumination into the act of incest and into the state of sexuality in the world today.
I remember what life was like before all this happened. I was sixteen and Mary, my sister, was one year older. Daddy was working in a real estate office, a highly respected businessman who never indulged in the foolishness that the other men in his profession used to. I mean, after board meetings or conventions, the guys would get together and go to bars where the girls danced in the nude; or they would go to massage parlours and get themselves jacked off, or something like that. But never my daddy. He would shake his head, decline the invitations so many times that after a while they stopped asking him to go along altogether.
Not that either my sister or I wanted him to make the scene all over town. But his refusal to do anything, to ever get himself out there for some fun made us both feel kind of guilty. I mean, here we were, his two little girls preventing him from having a good time. By the time we would be old enough to go our own way, then, he would be too old to have any fun.
And our life at home was just as bad. We would come home from school, clean the house, make dinner and sit down to conversations dealing with politics or art or something like that. Daddy would never ask either of us if we were seeing any boys, because that was strictly prohibited until we were in college. So, the same kind of stifled existence that he led while away from home he imposed on us girls when he came home every night.
It was at about this time that Mary and I began talking about the situation.
It was very late at night, during the summer, and I was having trouble getting to sleep. I just lay in bed, feeling my stomach tighten with the desperate feeling that nothing would ever happen to me or that I would ever get out of this mess. And then I heard Mary.
She was moaning softly, and the sound was accompanied by the rustle of her bedclothes. I thought maybe she was ill or something, so I jumped out of bed and went to her room.
Daddy always made us both wear these ridiculous flannel nightgowns, I guess because if we wore nighties or something sexy like that he felt he would get turned on or something. Anyway, when I walked into Mary's room, her nightgown was lying on the floor next to her bed. "Mary?" I was scared.
She continued to moan as though not hearing my call.
"Mary!" I went over to her bed and there she was. The blankets were thrown back and she was lying on the white sheets completely naked. Her legs were hanging over either side of the mattress and her hand was up between them. She had red hair like me, and her fiery looking cunt was wet where she was rubbing it vigorously.
She looked up at me with glazed eyes and smiled. She shook her head back and forth as if to say: 'don't interrupt me.'
I watched her, amazed at the beauty of her body. I knew I had a good body, but I had never really seen Mary's. Her breasts were as large as mine, and her legs were just as long and thin. I felt myself growing warm as I watched her.
Then, she began moaning loudly. The air whistled from between her lips and she grimaced as though in pain. Her fingers were working furiously at her vagina, and then she threw her legs up, arched her back and after holding that position for a few seconds fell limp onto the bed.
"Ahhhh...." She seemed happier than I had ever seen her.
"What was it?" I asked, never having done it to myself before and wanting to make sure of what it was that I had just seen.
"Honey," she replied, rolling over onto her side and not bothering to cover herself, "that was called 'wanking'."
"Wanking?"
"That's the English word for it. Here we say 'beating off, 'masturbation' ... all kinds of words and phrases. They mean about the same thing, though. It's when there's no man to do it with, you've got to learn to do it to yourself."
"But why do it in the first place?" I was genuinely curious. All my life had been spent denying myself any pleasures of the body, and I really wanted to know if this was a way out.
"When you do it, Carol, you'll know what I'm talking about...."
Just standing there above her bed, gazing down on her naked body and talking with her made me excited. "I wanted to throw off my nightie and see what it felt like to be naked without having to take a shower or anything. But it was too soon for that, I would have to proceed slowly and with caution.
"Don't ever tell daddy!" She called out as I was leaving her room.
"Even if I did," I answered, "he wouldn't want to know about it!"
I left my sister naked in her room and walked down the long hallway towards mine. But on the way, I stopped and peeked in at my father. He was sleeping soundly, bundled up in heavy flannel pajamas with the covers pulled up almost above his head. I stood there in the doorway staring at him. There was something wrong here, something that was missing from all of our lives. It gave me a sad feeling, but it also made me more determined than ever to do something about it.
When I got to my room, I closed the door and turned on the little night light above my bed. The room looked like a movie set-the light is very vague and you can hardly see.
Next to my closet was a full-length mirror. I stood in front of it and stared at myself. I pulled my hair high onto my head and posed myself like one of those high fashion models. Then, I started hiking up the hem of my flannel nightie.
It was a shock to look at myself this way. I mean, I had always looked at my legs as some kind of tool or machine, had not sought in them any sense of beauty. But as I held the hem just beneath my hips, I realized that I had very good legs. I put them forward, moved them together and then lifted the hem even higher so that my fiery red pubis was visible. My heart began thumping wildly as I pushed my belly out towards the mirror and watched myself writhe and turn like a strip teaser.
Finally, I pulled the heavy cloth all the way off. I stared in amazement at my breasts, they were large and white and very well set on my chest. The nipples began turning hard and they ached.
I dare not touch myself at that moment. I felt as though one touch in the wrong place and I would shatter into a million pieces. It was good enough just to be standing there naked, looking at my body as a woman would instead of trying to deny the fact that it existed. Afterwards, when I climbed into bed with my nightie firmly back in place I felt much better about myself. I realized that in total ... everything that my father had warned me about and taught me to do were strange words coming from a man who had lost all sense of himself as a sensual person. I knew that if I was to break free of him that I would have to go against everything he stood for at least as far as sex went. I decided at that moment to leave home.
The next morning, before anyone was up, I packed a small duffle bag and took off towards the freeway. I would hitchhike up north and hopefully find somewhere to stay. I didn't know anyone, or know how to earn money. But I was already sixteen years old and I felt that life was passing me by. There wasn't enough time to take practical matters into consideration.
A young guy, driving a Volkswagen bus, came to a screeching halt when he saw me on the onramp. Suddenly, I felt much better about myself and my life. I mean, there was at least one guy in the world who was willing to waste a little rubber on his tires to stop and pick me up.
"How far are you going?" He asked, smiling across the cab. His name was Todd, and he had long hair and a beard. His bus was outfitted with a stove, refrigerator and a bed. He looked like he had been on the road for a long time.
I told him my name and then told him I was going north. I hadn't thought about a destination yet and did not want to appear lost or adrift at sea.
"You got to be going someplace, Carol...." He seemed genuinely upset that I didn't have any specific place to go to.
"Well," I replied, feeling kind of silly, "maybe San Francisco...."
"Far out! That's where I'm going!"
I was happy. Everything at that moment, or at least the small things that I needed, had pulled themselves together.
"But," Todd said, keeping his eyes on the road ahead of him, "I've got to stop near Santa Barbara for a few hours. And I'll probably want to catch some sleep on the road near Sur ... Is that okay with you?"
I didn't realize at that moment what the implications were of what he was asking. I nodded dumbly, feeling more interest in the passing scenery and the sense of my new found freedom than with his strange proposition.
"Anything you want to do will be fine!" I said.
"You're a tough little chick. Tell me, is that flaming red mane of yours real ?"
I smiled. I had always disliked my hair because it was so bright and seemed kind of childish to have red hair. But he seemed to really dig it. "Yes, it's mine...."
He laughed loudly, lit a cigarette for me then one for himself. "And I thought you were going to tell me that there's only one way to find out!"
I thought about that for a minute and then found myself blushing continually for the next five miles after I realized what he had meant.
Just before we reached the town of Santa Barbara, Todd pulled off the highway onto an old dirt road. We drove for about ten minutes up into the mountains behind the town.
"This," He explained, carefully maneuvering over the bumps and ruts in the road, "is a special kind of place. It's run by a former doctor from Berkeley. He was one of the first to realize that Americans are sexually repressed. He opened this place to help people regain a sense of themselves."
Suddenly, it seemed as though fate was working with me. The very reason for which I had left home was now approaching in the form of a therapeutic institute ... a place where people like myself went for treatment. I was becoming very nervous as the front gate loomed up ahead. We stopped and a woman came from the small guard house. She was short, plump and naked from the waist up.
"Todd, how are you?" She was very happy to see Todd. Her breasts were large and meaty, and when she talked they moved up and down.
"Elaine ... I've got the manuals from the printers for him."
"Are you going to stay?" She asked, leaning up against the car so that her nipples were resting against the metal.
"No. Going to 'Frisco. Be back here maybe in three days...."
She walked back to the guard house and opened the small electric gate. Todd waved and grinned to her as we drove through and on up the small gravel roadway towards the main house.
Riding through the grounds of the Institute was like waking up from a dream only to find that it was all real in the first place. There was a huge lawn, and sitting behind the grass was a large, Southern type house with pillars and everything. It was a beautiful place, kind of like a Utopia or something.
But what was more incredible about the place was the fact that everyone was walking around in the nude. I had never seen a man's penis before, and suddenly there were hundreds of them dangling all over the place. When we finally parked the bus, a young guy came running over. I found myself staring right at his bouncing meat, and was fascinated by the sight.
Then, a girl came over who was also naked. She had a thin body and barely any breasts at all. Her long, blonde hair seemed to cover up what little chest she had. It was strange seeing her pubic hair in the sunshine like that, and her crack that was plainly visible beneath her sparse hair.
"Everyone walks around here like this," Todd explained, seeing me looking at the naked bodies as though they were some alien form of life.
"Doesn't anyone mind?" I asked dumbly.
"No, as a matter-of-fact, they all kind of enjoy themselves."
I could see that they did. On the lawn behind us, a young couple was playing a game of tag. The boy was chasing the girl, and when he finally caught up with her, he pulled her to the ground. Then, he grew erect and she reached down and held him as though it was the most natural thing in the world. Then, she put her mouth to him and took his penis between her lips. I was blushing like crazy. At the same time the scene was repulsive and erotic ... I couldn't really decide which.
"Just don't pay any attention to them," Todd smiled, "they're a little turned on. We have a special room where people usually go for that kind of thing."
I waited inside the bus until Todd finished dropping off the manuals he had come to deliver. When he was through, he climbed back inside with two bottles of what looked like very good wine.
"Something to help pass the time...." He grinned broadly, and seemed very nice. At that moment, as we pulled through the road and watched the naked people frolicking on the lawn, I knew that someday I would return to this place. It seemed like a dream, and it also held something for me which I could not understand at that moment. But I knew that I would be back.
We drank the wine and drove through the California afternoon towards San Francisco. Todd was very interested in me, he wanted to know all about me. I told him everything that I could without making it sound as though I were some kind of sex-fiend. But I was getting pretty drunk, and words just kind of poured out of me without my realizing what I was saying.
"I just looked at my sister, laying naked in her bed, masturbating, and that was that. I knew I had to leave there, find out how things really were instead of taking my father's word for it...."
Todd was shocked to hear me talk this way. But he was also intelligent about it. "Sometimes, the only way we can ever know is to try ourselves. That's where all real experience comes from ... you should know that soon."
As we rode and drank, I came to trust him more and more. He accepted me, didn't laugh at my stupid feelings. By the time we reached the road into Big Sur, we were very good friends.
"Let's stop and take a breather...." He pulled over to the side of the road near an open field. There were acres and acres of grass weaving and rustling in the wind. And behind the open space, a tremendous and beautiful forest loomed as far as the eyes could see. I thought it was one of the most beautiful spots I had ever seen.
We took a blanket and what was left of our wine out into the field. We were so far from the highway that we couldn't even see his bus. It was a terrific spot, and I felt freer than I had felt ever before in my life.
"Why don't you take off your blouse?"
I was laying on my back, enjoying the sun and the warm feeling I had from the wine. Todd reached over to me and began unbuttoning my shirt, and when it fell open, he patted my stomach.
"Your skin is too white. You should get more sun...."
His touch was incredible. I shivered when he followed the line from between my breasts down to the top of my pants. Even though I still wore my bra, I was already feeling naked and open.
"Carol," he whispered, resting his hand on my breast, "you are a beautiful chick!"
I was speechless. He was moving very fast. There was nothing I could do, and besides, this is what I had run away for.
Then he pulled the cloth of my bra down across my breast. I shook with excitement as he touched my nipple. Then he put his mouth to it and began sucking on it. His tongue roamed in circles around the tip, sending shots of electricity through me.
"Beautiful breasts ... just beautiful...." He kept repeating the compliment. I just had to lay back and close my eyes. I couldn't stand the feelings, it was like my nervous system was being over-zapped by inputs.
"Sit up...." I ob-eyed. Todd lifted the blouse from my shoulders then unsnapped my bra and pulled it from my body. My breasts fell free, and I realized that I was half-naked with a boy for the first time in my life.
Todd held each of my breasts in his hands. He seemed very pleased with them, and really enjoyed toying with my nipples. I sat almost as a person apart, watching him touch me, then fondle the pink erect buds then lift and drop each of my tits. The pain of his touch was almost excruciating; I was barely able to keep my eyes focused.
"Please," I begged, not being able to take anymore, "no more. Just stop...."
"Alright ... but stay naked...."
"I will."
And he poured some more wine. We sat cross-legged facing each other. He stripped down to his waist and we were both naked in the same places. That made me feel easier. But what made the scene so nice was the fact that I knew my breasts were good, and that he enjoyed looking at them. We began laughing and talking like little kids, and I soon began wondering what the Hell all the ominous warnings from my father had really been for.
The more wine we drank, the calmer I became. After a while, I was laughing and joking with Todd, not caring that occasionally he would lean over and hold my breast. Then, finally, he kissed me. The touch of his naked chest against mine made me shiver with pleasure. I opened my mouth and allowed his tongue to wander freely inside. When we embraced each other, he pushed up against me, I pushed him away. I wanted to try something on my own.
"Wait," I whispered, barely able to get the words out, "I want to do something to you...."
I pushed him down onto his back. He grinned up at me, waiting for me to begin. I unsnapped the top button of his jeans and then pulled all the others apart. He lifted his hips as I struggled to pull the cloth down. Finally, I got them over his feet and he was naked except for his underwear.
"What brought that on?" He asked, laying there with his penis making a large ridge beneath his pants.
"I don't know," I replied, feeling very drunk and very reckless.
"Well," he joked, "whatever it was, don't let it stop now!"
That was all I needed. I pulled the white cloth down across his penis and then off. I stared at his cock laying up against his belly; that large, pink rod that seemed to burn in the afternoon sun. I could feel the moisture between my legs, and I knew that my panties were soaked.
"Go ahead, Carol, touch it."
He took my hand and put it on his warm prick. The skin felt rubbery and hard, and I could feel the heat rising from it like a furnace. I wrapped my fingers around it and began stroking him gently. Each time I moved up and down, it would twitch and tremble. There was a strange feeling of power in doing this, as though I alone con trolled all the pleasure that he would receive from his own organ. I began to really enjoy the feel and the touch of him. I played with his balls, feeling their softness and running my hand up between them and following the ridge that ran on the underside of his penis. It was a whole new world for me, and suddenly I wasn't afraid of it anymore. "Now you, Carol...."
Todd sat up. He pushed me gently down onto my back and kissed me on the mouth, then ran his tongue gingerly down between my breasts, stabbing at each of my nipples then trying to take the whole breast into his warm mouth. I held his head against my chest and tried to pull him tight against me.
My flesh, my skin and my body seemed to be throbbing with a new excitement. It was a warm feeling that I had, a strange and new feeling that I belonged to myself and to the universe. The body was something which could be used for pleasure instead of for shame or hurt. That, to me, was something which I had always known inside myself but had never dared utter in my own home. This thought, this idea of pleasure, was one which tied me into myself so that I felt whole ... I was beginning to arrive with myself, to become a complete human being.
"Raise your hips...." Todd had unbuttoned my jeans and was pulling them down across my ass. I raised myself, and he slid the warm garment off my legs. Now, all that remained between me and him were my panties.
Todd took my legs and spread them. He kissed the inside of each of my thighs, then ran his tongue all the way up between my legs. He pulled the lining of my panties aside and drove his tongue underneath them. I shook with the feel of his warm flesh invading that place that I, myself, had rarely even touched.
"Take them off, Todd ... !!!" I was writhing, wanting desperately to be naked and open. I wanted something between my thighs, something to complete the pattern that I was on. I wanted the sun there, to suck in the warmth of the day and to pull in the strength of him. I wanted to be complete.
He tore at my panties and threw them aside. Now, I was naked. I threw my legs apart and pulled his head down between them. He kissed each of my lips, then blew warm air up along my crack. I felt like I would explode.
"Ooooohh ... please, don't stop!!!"
He licked inside my vagina, pulling the lips apart and opening me to his own mouth and tongue. He must have really strained himself because his tongue seemed to travel further inside me than I would have ever believed possible. Then, he withdrew his mouth and placed his lips just above my crack. He had found my clit.
The feeling I had when he first stabbed at my erect little pearl was incredible. I almost jumped out of my skin. He was holding me from underneath, though, and kept me somewhat in control. Then, my whole body began shaking. I felt this kind of strange tingling emerging from the bottom of my feet and through my arms. I became frightened, it was as though my entire body would be consumed and destroyed by this strange feeling.
"No ... no stop!!!" I cried, trying to pull him away from my cunt. He could tell that I was scared, so he stopped.
"What's wrong?" He asked, his lips moist with the wetness he had received from between my legs.
"I don't know ... just this incredible feeling ... a tingling all over...."
"Relax," he said, "it's just the beginning. You've got to learn to flow with it...."
"But I can't!" I was at that time determined that I would not yield to it, whatever it was. Todd understood this and was very kind about it. He pulled himself away from me and lay down on his back, breathing heavily.
"You'll get used to it, Carol. Want to get dressed?"
Even though he was trying to be nice, I could tell that he was suffering. We had gone pretty far, and he had not found any relief. I felt sorry for him, laying there with his erection and no place to put it.
"No," I answered, "let's stay naked. I like being naked...."
"Do you mind if I asked you to do something?"
"What?"
"This...." And he took my hand and put it on his penis. He wanted me to jack him off, to relieve him of the tension that had built up inside him.
"I don't mind," I said, relieved that there was something I could do to help him. I felt like a bitch stopping when I did.
I pulled on his cock slowly and evenly. It was hot, and the warmth felt kind of reassuring in my hand. Then, I decided that I would do some thing that would really make him feel good.
"Lay back and relax, Todd...." He did. Then, I rested my head on his stomach and directed the tip of his penis towards my mouth. Slowly, I worked the bulb like head around and around near my lips, blowing air onto it and always getting closer.
"Oh yeah, baby, that feels good...."
When I put my lips to the tip, he flinched, so I stopped for a moment before resuming. I opened my mouth then and allowed his penis to enter. It felt larger inside than I thought it would. I sucked on it, drove my tongue around and around the edges and tried to get all of him inside me. It was when his tip reached the back of my throat that I thought I would gag. But instead, I held on and kept sucking.
"I'm cumming ... !" He tried to warn me, but I just planted my mouth with more firmness on him. I felt his entire staff begin to shudder and shake, then the semen came. One spurt after another, the stuff just kept coming. I swallowed as hard and as fast as I could, then the stuff started pouring out from the corners of my mouth.
When he had finished, I licked him off. My tongue went everywhere, as though it had a life of its own. Down the ridge, between his balls, and onto his balls. I took one sac into my mouth, sucked gently on it and dropped it again. He moaned, holding my head gently and running his hands through my long hair.
"That was beautiful, baby ... !!!" Todd leaned up on his elbows and grinned at me.
"I'm glad you liked it...." I was happy that I had pleased him. In that moment, I had learned one of the great lessons of lovemaking. It was as important to please the person you were with as it was to have them please you. Pleasure was a two way street, and when people realized that, they could have more of it and that pleasure would eventually be better.
But the moment for me had not come. Even though I had pleased Todd, I myself had not been able to go all the way. That clutch in my stomach, that fear I had suffered at the hands of the strange sensations throughout my body had left me somewhat empty. While driving through the city of San Francisco, I had asked Todd what could be done about it.
"Go to the institution, Doctor Cromwell knows everything there is to know about therapy. He can help you."
"What about money?"
"Don't worry, Carol ... that can be handled."
So, after spending three days in the city, Todd and I turned around and headed back down towards Santa Barbara. I would join the group at the clinic, and try to complete that cycle that had begun that afternoon out in the grassy field.
The first class that was held by Doctor Cromwell, a middle-aged man with long hair and a great mustache, was a nude therapy session.
"The purpose of us all sitting around naked," the doctor explained, "is to familiarize ourselves with our bodies. These frames of skin and bones are the vehicles of pleasure while we are upon this Earth. It is important that we learn how to use them, learn where the centers of pleasure are located and, last but not least, learn how to be comfortable with them."
There were three boys and two girls in the class. I felt funny when I first entered the small room because everyone had gotten there before me. They were all standing around naked, a little uptight and embarrassed but still at the point that I would have to reach after they had all gotten there first. I stumbled and almost fell as I stepped out of my panties, but once naked felt a little more at ease.
The doctor, too, was nude. I was interested in watching him talk because he didn't even seem to notice that any of us were naked. I couldn't take my eyes off his penis, which was long and thick. When he noticed this, he turned to me and asked me to stand.
"You have a great body, Carol...."
Everyone in the room was looking at me. I sucked in my stomach and threw my shoulders back a little so that my breasts would look bigger. I felt excited when everyone agreed with the doctor.
"Your breasts are finely turned, and your little cunt is exceedingly attractive...." Then the doctor came over and stood right next to me. He pushed his penis up against my leg, and I backed away. "See," he said, turning to the class, "the reaction of one who has learned to fear the touch of human flesh."
Then, he turned me around and placed his hands on my breasts. I felt the tingle of excitement shooting through me, and then felt the warmth begin to grow between my legs.
"There," he said calmly, and I noticed that he had an erection, "the touch is beautiful, isn't it?"
"Y-yyes," I stammered, watching in fascination as his prick rose to the heights, "it is nice...."
"Now touch me...."
While the class watched, he took a step backwards and placed his hands on his hips. His cock stood out straight and pointed right at me. He wanted me to touch it.
"Go ahead, my child, don't be afraid...."
My hands were shaking ... I reached over and touched the tip. A small drop of white semen drooled from his hole, and the cock seemed to rise even stronger.
"Touch all of it...."
His eyes were locked into mine. He was not wavering. His orders were always followed, and he had this way of commanding people to do things. Later I learned that his basic premise of therapy was based on his ability to sound and act in an authoritative manner. In doing this, he was able to substitute his orders for pleasure for the order which his patients had received as children warning them against the joys of the flesh.
When I finally took the full mass of his cock into my hand, the other people applauded. "Very good ... now how does it feel?"
"Hard as a rock!" And everyone laughed.
Then I started jacking him off. This brought a silence to the class. They had expected me to withdraw my hand, having gone this far already. I shocked them all, and felt very daring about it, by stroking him. The doctor stared at me with this strange kind of amazement in his eyes.
"It's alright...." He moaned. But I did not stop. I moved up close to him, and rubbed the tip of his penis up against my crack, all the time pulling on his staff.
He came all over my pubic hair, the white stuff invading my shock of red hair and drooling down between my legs. It felt good, and the doctor had been taken care of.
After that first session, the doctor continued to work with me. He discovered that my strange feelings that drove me away from intercourse were the result of some kind of 'fear induced hysteria'. In other words, the warnings from my father had been so deeply set within me that they emerged whenever my senses overrode my conscious mind. It was like a vicious cycle. I had to be thoroughly conscious in order to make love, but when that consciousness gave way to the subconscious and the pleasures of purely sensual experience, the old teachings would invade my body and result in the panic which I felt. The situation seemed unworkable.
But then something happened which alleviated the problem ... in the most direct manner possible.
When I had first arrived at the clinic, I had sent my father a card telling him that I was alright. In his hysterical manner, he had traced down the origin of the post office mark and finally had landed outside the clinic itself. He felt that I had been kidnapped by some kind of evil force, and that I would be put on the white slave block or something.
He showed up one afternoon near the outer perimeter of the grounds, not being allowed inside because of the strict security measures that were taken. As fate would have it, I was taking a walk through the woods that day and met him face to face near the fence. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending upon how you look at it, I was stark naked.
"Carol!" He shouted when he saw me. "What the Hell are you doing here?"
I tried to cover my breasts and my cunt, but that was impossible. So, in the easiest manner available to me, I struck a pose which I thought would appear natural and unconcerned, "I'm trying to learn how to live, daddy...."
"Live!!! Walking around stark naked!!! Living is discipline, order and routine. That's all living is for!!!"
And then I got angry. I was no longer embarrassed or even uptight about him. I was just plain furious.
"Daddy," I screamed, walking right up to him standing there on the other side of the fence, "living is much more than that. It's pleasure, too. If you don't have one side of it, you really can never have the other side either! All you've ever taught us is deadness ... or how to look like you're dead so that no one will possibly ever suspect you of being alive!!!"
And then he was silent. He looked sadder than I had ever seen him standing there with his old-fashioned crew cut and his white shirt with a string tie. It was a hot day.
"Daddy," I said, reaching through the fence and taking his hand, "take off your tie. It's too hot for a tie...."
Then, to my amazement, he took off his tie. It was like he was allowing me to lead. For the first time in my life, he was listening to me. Then I noticed his eyes on my body. I suddenly felt very sexy because I knew that I was turning him on.
"Daddy, come over to the fence."
"No," he said softly, as though doomed for life to stand on the other side of the fence, "I can't. Never will."
We were holding hands. I let my hand fall to his groin and held his sex. He was erect. "Daddy," I said, massaging his penis, "any man who gets this hard can't be doomed like you like to think you are...."
When he leaped the fence, there was a new vigor in him. He didn't seem like a tired old man anymore, but more like a youthful athlete.
We stood facing each other. The events of the afternoon seemed to take on a programmed sense, as though the script had been written a long time ago and we were both just acting out our parts.
"Just remember daddy," I said as I pulled off his shirt, "that I love you."
He smiled at me. Then, I pulled off his trousers. When he was naked, I held his prick. It was large and hard.
"How long has it been?" I asked, licking his cock and sucking on his balls. "I don't remember...."
"You will this time!"
I took his penis into my mouth and sucked on it. Then I pulled away and lay back on the grass.
I spread my legs, rubbed the hair between them and smiled.
Daddy got down on his knees and put his mouth to me. He licked my crack slowly and firmly, he seemed to know exactly what the pace should be. It was like we were lovers from long ago, recreating the best in lovemaking.
"Oooooh daddy...."
He was becoming savage. His mouth was taking me apart. He knew every spot, was working now without thinking. For the first time in a long time, he was just feeling his way through something.
"Daddy," I cried, pulling his head away from me, "please take me. I'm yours!!!"
He crawled up between my legs. As he pushed his prick between my swollen lips, I cried softly. The pain was at once great and wonderful. When he was finally all the way inside, we began to move with each other with firmness and love.
We both came at the same moment. He slept soundly on top of me, and then rolled over onto the grass.
We didn't speak with each other. Finally, after a long time, he dressed, hopped back over the fence and left. I haven't seen him since.
As I walked back to the clinic, feeling the ache in my loins and the soreness of my vagina, I realized that the hysteria had not come this time. I had cured myself by loving the source of my problem directly. I wondered whether daddy knew that, too.
SUMMARY
This case demonstrates the very common occurrence of sexual hysteria and the roots from which this malady develops. Carol was the victim, but we must never forget that her father was also a victim in much the same way that Carol was.
Sexual repression, and the denial of pleasure of the senses was, to the puritans and others, a way of life. It was first employed by those who felt that survival in the barren wastes of uncivilized countries necessitated the employment of ultimate discipline. With this discipline came the denial of the senses, and the denial of the pleasure principle.
Carol's father employed this systematic denial as a means of controlling in himself that which he feared most-the sexual attraction to his own flesh and blood. In doing so, however, he managed to distort the potential to such action and thus blow the whole situation far out of all proportion.
In this cycle, the stronger his conviction, the more desperate were those feelings developing within the subconscious mind.
Carol, seeing that she had been sexually denied, began a pilgrimage in the hopes of discovering her own sexual potential. Her sexual hysteria was, indeed, the result of tremendous guilt feelings. Secretly, her subconscious mind did realize that her father had been so strict because of his own desire for his two young girls; and because of this realization, Carol felt doubly guilty for denying her father that pleasure of her body, and at the same time for going against his teachings.
In the classical Freudian sense, Carol's resolution came through the act of making love to her own father. In this way, she was able to give him the gist of pleasure and her own virginity and thus allow herself in the future to seek pleasure without that guilt aspect entering the picture. On the other hand, by making love to him, she was also able to involve him directly in 'sin' and thus abolish any guilt feelings she might have had in that direction.
Carol is now a well-adjusted and happy woman. She says that her father has remarried, and is living happily with his new bride. With these people, those natural and very strong feelings were allowed to bloom. And, in doing so, resulted in fulfillment and the ability to become human.
CHAPTER FOUR
Merle S. is a forty year old Oklahoman living modestly in the rural outskirts of Los Angeles. Coming to LA to work the aerospace plants Merle, his wife and two daughters, found themselves settling in the more familiar surrounding of the farming areas Northwest of the city.
After discovering that the only employment available to him was working a gas station, Merle settled into a small home and resigned himself to a simple life. But his wife at that time was discouraged by the events that had taken place. One hot, summer night she took the family money, hopped a bus and headed towards New York City.
Merle has not heard from her since.
Merle was left with his two daughters, Cindy and Pam. Cindy was sixteen and Pam fifteen when the events of this case took place. According to the man, the two girls were the main thrust of his life, the one central core that gave his existence some meaning.
But as we have seen in other case histories in this volume, Merle's daughters were growing up in an entirely new world than he was accustomed to. It was their exposure to the new forces of freedom and sexual liberation that finally led to the events recorded here.
Using a tape recorder and Merle's descriptive powers, I was able to gather the full story of the events which lead up to the acts of incest which took place. The fact that two girls were involved is one which shall explain itself as a result of Merle's testimony. And, with this same testimony, we shall view the consequences of alienated and misplaced lives ... a phenomena which is occurring with some deal of regularity in this country today.
Originally, I wanted to be a farmer. I wanted to work the land with my family beside me. I'm not a learned man, and I don't care too much for sitting in an office all day fooling with papers and forms and all that shit. All I ever wanted to do, really, was to be free of bosses and free to wear whatever kind of clothes I wanted. But that never happened.
It was just after the war when Sally, my ex-wife, and myself decided to come West. We packed up our old Ford pick-up and started out. It was quite a trip because Sally and I were young, then, and very much in love. She was a real beauty, too, with golden blonde hair, a body that would make men turn their heads wherever we went and green eyes that could look right through you.
I remember everything about that trip because it was such a good time all the way. Me and Sally would sit in the cab of that truck and just fool around all the way. Sometimes, she would take off her clothes and sit there naked as a bluejay, wearing only this funny little smile of hers. She was a real wild woman, the type of gal who would do anything anytime she felt like it. Sometimes I wonder if I was really ready for her when I married.
One moonlit night, while we were crossing the Mojave desert near the town of Needles, Sally got real wild and strange. She stripped down to nothing and began screaming about how we were going to really make it and everything.
"We're goin' to have a television, parties and a house ... clothes, a new car ... everything, right?"
I watched her large, melon shaped breasts bobbing up and down and had to just agree with her. "Of course baby, as soon as I get that there job in the factory we'll have everything we need. Now how about a little of what you got there!"
But she wouldn't slide across the seat. She would just sit there kind of bouncing up and down like a little girl, her tits bouncing like crazy, singing her song. I should have known then that she had some kind of a wild streak, something inside her that didn't really apply to me.
Then, as though the devil that always rode with her really got hold, Sally opened the door of the truck and stood out there on the running board. At that moment, a couple of truckers were cruising by and boy did they get some eyefuls.
I was really pissed. I mean, there was my naked wife standing out there showing the world everything! And all I could do was pray that one of those fucking truckers didn't run us clean off the road trying to get a better look at her sweet little cunt.
When I finally managed to stop, I was about ready to kill I was so mad. I grabbed Sally and pulled her to the ground near the truck. As the traffic poured by on the other side, I started hitting her until finally she was quiet. Then, I got excited because she looked so inviting laying naked there underneath the moonlight.
"Oh baby," I moaned, "I got to have you!"
"I'm all yours, Merle," She said, now looking very reserved and almost like a little fawn. She lay back on the desert, raised her long, shapely legs and let them fall apart. I had always thought that her cunt was about the best one I had ever seen. That night, it looked even better. She was a natural blonde, and that little honey pot of hers just kind of shone like some pot of gold. Her crack was perfect, and no matter how many times we fucked, it was always tight and well shaped.
"C'mon Merle ... fuck me!" Sally was a real mountain girl, and she had been having men since she was fifteen.
I tugged at my pants and got them down around my knees. I was so hard that my balls ached. Sally whistled when she saw my prick sticking out like some kind of log.
"Bring that there meat here, baby...."
She was twisting on the ground, moving her legs back and forth against the other. She was pinching her own nipples, making those pink buds erect and hard.
When I lowered myself down there between her milky white thighs, she grabbed me and pulled me hard against her. She took my cock and planted me inside her vagina. In another second, we were going at each other like wild animals.
"Ohhhh ... baby...." She cried, throwing her belly up against me and digging into my back with her nails. When Sally came, she really came. I mean, it was her whole body that told the story, every inch of her luscious being.
After I had finally shot my load, it suddenly occurred to me that we were laying naked on a highway.
"We better get the Hell out of here!"
"Yeah, baby," Sally said, "let's get ourselves to the city and make some fucking money!"
Well, when we got to L.A., everything seemed to work out like we had planned. I got a job in one of the factories and was making good money. During those years, we had Cindy and Pam, and it seemed as though we were going to have a pretty good life. But then came the layoffs, and I was out of work.
Sally was pretty upset about all of this, so we decided to move out to Saugus and try our luck out there. It wasn't much of a town then, and the only job I could get was at a gas station. We bought a small house and started making do with what we had. It was at this time that I started noticing a change in Sally, a change that would eventually result in her leaving.
The house we bought had a small backyard with a chain link fence around it. The neighbors were friendly enough, but there was no privacy at all. Sally seemed to enjoy this because one afternoon I came home from work early and found her out there sunbathing in the nude.
"What the Hell are you doing?" I screamed, seeing Jake Wilson peering over his wife's rose bushes at the sight of my wife lying naked and spread eagled on the lawn.
"Why," Sally said, moving her thighs further apart and running her hand gently across her bush, "just gettin a little of this here Southern California sunshine. Just like you promised. Only, we haven't got any swimmin' pool...."
She wouldn't look at me. She just lay there, stark naked and with her legs so far apart that anyone who cared to look, and Jake Wilson certainly cared enough, could see her crack as plain as day.
I told her to get dressed and get inside the house. But she just smiled and told me that I had no reason to make any rules around her, and that she could do whatever she liked. Finally, I picked her up bodily and took her inside the house, threw her down onto the bed and tried to make love to her. But she closed her legs on me and turned away.
"You got no rights anymore...."
That was all she said. I couldn't understand what was happening to her. Later, I would discover that she was making it with some cheap insurance salesman who promised her swimming pools and Cadillacs.
It was summertime then, and I was working late at the station. About a week after catching her naked out there in the backyard, I came home to find that she had gone. All the money was taken, and her clothes, too.
Our little girls were five and six, then, and it was up to me to take care of them. For years, I was angry. I got mad at everyone and everything. I figured that I would never be the same, that I would always be pissed off and would someday turn into a pissed off old man and then that would be that.
I stayed on at the gas station and put the girls through school. They learned how to take care of themselves, and they learned all there was to know about keeping house. Cindy was the oldest, and as I watched her turn into a little lady, I began to see a lot of her mother in her. She was really a wild little kid. Pam was the follower, and whatever Cindy did, Pam was there to back her up. I enjoyed them both and got accustomed to my life.
But then one night Anne came into the station. In the areas around our neighborhood there were a couple of real fancy ranches where the people raised horses for the movies. These people were real country folk, but they were also very wealthy. I had seen them from time to time when they would come into the station for gas, but I had never had the occasion to know any of them until Anne.
Anne was a real fine looking woman, about thirty and sexy as hell. She had fine blonde hair that she wore long and straight. Her body was a little thin, but she covered it up nicely with fine clothes. When she drove around in that little sports car of hers, she looked like someone right out of the movies.
When she pulled into the station that night, I could tell that she was a little loaded. I mean, she barely missed taking the pump out when she careened in from the street. I liked her immediately.
"Fill 'er up...." She moaned, collapsing behind the wheel and taking a long hit from a half-empty bottle of rye whiskey.
As I washed down the windshield, I couldn't help but to look inside the car. She was wearing this real fine silk blouse, but, aside from that, she was naked. I mean, her dress and her panties were laying on the floor in front of the passenger seat. The shirt itself just about barely covered her cunt, and her long, thin legs were purely naked.
"What the Hell you looking at?" She was half-smiling, obviously knowing what I was looking at.
"Can't a girl even have some fun without everyone staring at her like she was some kind of freak?"
I finished with the gas and took her money. While I was in the office making change, Anne came inside.
"You know mister," she began sitting down on the edge of the desk, her shirt riding high enough up her thighs so that I could see the tiny hairs of her cunt, "you're real nice. You don't say much ... you just let people be...."
She was really stoned. I knew if I let her stay there any longer that she would be flat on the floor. I gave her her change and waited. Her lips were visible between her thighs now, and suddenly I wanted her. I knew I could if I tried, I mean it was obvious that the lady was asking for it.
"You're staring at me!" She said ... Then, she pulled up her shirt and revealed herself completely to me. Her cunt was blonde, and the lips were pink and swollen. She was moist there, and I wondered if she had been doing herself in while she was cruising around.
"You like it? I mean, you dig me here?"
She threw her legs apart and held herself open for me. She was seething inside, her pink crack seething with moisture and the juices of love.
"Yes...." I was astonished. I wondered what the Hell women were coming to.
"Well," she continued, still holding her lips apart and smiling at me, "if you really like me, then eat me...."
"Not here," I said, eyeing her sweet cunt. She was really a doll, and there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted her.
"Well okay," she said, really sounding disappointed, "how about my place?"
I told her that I couldn't because of my daughters.
"Bring 'em along...."
She was sincere about it all. Her husband was traveling the world trying to sell his horses. She said that he paid more attention to the animals than he did to her. She wanted some company up there on the hill where she lived, and would appreciate having some company. I took down her address, told her I would call her. As she drove away from the station, I wondered if I hadn't made a giant mistake. I mean, there she was offering herself to me like that and instead of taking it right then and there, I had made plans to call.
When I got home, both Cindy and Pam were watching television. They were fifteen and sixteen years old, and both were turning into little dolls. They had their mother's blonde hair, and had also inherited their mother's fine body. Cindy had Sally's green eyes and Pam's were blue. I was really proud of them, but sometimes felt that I didn't even know them.
There were times when Cindy, especially Cindy, would look at me in that strange way that Sally used to. Her green eyes would flash, and there would be this funny little smile growing at the corners of her mouth. At times like those, I wondered if maybe the spiritual world hadn't played some mean trick on me by putting Sally into Cindy's body. It was eerie, and mostly I chose to ignore it because it made my little girls seem to be something other than they were.
I told both girls about Anne, and how she had invited all of us up to her house. The fact that there were horses there to ride really excited both girls. But Cindy seemed interested in a little more than horses.
"Is she your lover, daddy?"
"Cindy, don't talk that way!"
"Why not?"
"Because, I'm your father."
"But you're still a man, aren't you?"
"Not when I'm your father!"
Cindy played with the hem of her nightie. She pulled the thing up her legs a little, I don't know to this day whether it was to show a little of her thighs or if it was just an unconscious action. "That," she said finally, "just doesn't make any sense at all!"
"Well, it had better!"
Then she had looked at me again with those green eyes. They flashed, then gained a kind of wise humor to them. She seemed much older than her sixteen years. "Did you enjoy mommy?"
I knew what she meant, but refused to answer the question. I couldn't just stand there discussing my sexual life with my own daughter, it just wasn't right.
"None of your damn business!" I said, wanting to end this strange conversation.
"She was good, then, wasn't she?"
"I don't want to talk about it, Cindy."
But Cindy wasn't that easily put back. When she wanted to know something, she would go all the way until she found her answer. There was no stopping the kid.
"Was she as pretty as me?"
Then Cindy lifted herself off the couch while Pam watched. She hiked the nightie all the way up to where her pubis began and held it there. I was startled, not only by her actions but by the shape and texture of her skin. She was, indeed, a beautiful little girl.
"You and Pam are the prettiest women in my life...."
"That's good, daddy...." But Cindy was onto something else. I didn't understand her or what she was getting at. And, just before she sat down again, she let the nightie climb to her belly. Her cunt flashed out at me like a neon sign. It was golden like Sally's, only the hair was not as abundant. In that brief moment, I saw her little pink crack. She seemed perfect, a smooth and beautiful woman. I was shocked and worried because of thinking that way about her.
"We'll go up to Anne's with you....".
Cindy had brought the conversation back to full circle again. She sat on the couch next to Pam, and her eyes were on me. That crooked little smile came across her face and then disappeared again. I was glad that we would be going up to Anne's for a few days, the change would do me and my daughters a lot of good.
Anne's house was a huge stone mansion sitting on top of a mountain overlooking the whole valley. From her living room window, we could see our small, little house nestled amongst a lot of other houses that all looked about the same. In the rear of the house, there were stables with fifteen fine horses sitting around waiting to be rode. The place was like a dream, a dream that Sally and I had once had.
"This is so groovy!" Cindy said when she saw the swimming pool out in back. The two girls were excited as Hell over the whole place. And Anne really seemed to enjoy having them in her house.
The whole thing was very strange. After that night at the station, it seemed incredible that everyone would be getting on as well as they were. Anne loved the kids, and her lonesome manner was gone as soon as we walked in.
After having some lunch, Anne took the girls out to the stables and saddled up a couple of horses. She gave them each a map of the grounds and surrounding hills. They would ride all afternoon, and when the sun began to set they would return to the house tired but very happy.
"Let's take a swim...." Anne had come running back from seeing the girls off on their ride.
She got out a suit for me and when I emerged from the dressing room, she was already in the water. She wore a very tiny, meshed bikini that left very little to the imagination. Her skin was a golden brown from days spent laying out in the sun. Her blonde hair was even whiter when it was wet. Her tiny breasts and slim hips made her seem even more graceful in the water.
The water was warm and luxurious. We each had our drinks and were soon sitting in the shallow end talking and drinking. I knew then why I wanted this kind of luxury when I had first come West, it was the only way to live.
"Your girls are great...."
"Thanks, I kind of like them...."
Anne had the kind of looks that were always good no matter what she was doing. She could doll herself up, or just run around with no makeup and still look equally fine. Her finely chiseled face, her sparkling blue eyes were the finest I had ever seen.
We got to talking about my life. I told her about Sally, about raising the girls and living a simple and uncluttered existence. She seemed real interested, and kept asking me more and more questions. I suppose because her own life had turned out so badly she wanted to see if there was any connection between hers and mine.
"You poor man," she said after hearing my story, "you must be very lonely!"
"Sometimes...." I muttered. I hated it when a woman took pity on me, it made me feel kind of weak and stupid.
"Well," she said, pouring herself another drink, "maybe we can help each other...."
"I think we can, Anne." When she reached for her drink, she had to lean across me. Her bra rested against my chest, and I felt her small breasts all soft and warm beneath the thin material. We kind of stayed in that position longer than was needed.
"It feels good to be touched...." She pushed herself even tighter against me. Then I felt her legs, she was wrapping them around my thighs, and pushing her belly hard against my body. I was more than ready for her, had been waiting all afternoon for this moment.
"Out here?" I asked, worrying about the girls coming back sooner than expected.
"They're far gone into the West. We've got a few hours, at the least."
"That's good enough for me!"
When I kissed her, she became supple in my arms. Her whole body seemed to float into my body. Our mouths opened and our tongues met. She tasted salty, and her tongue worked quickly and with much force.
I was already hard as a rock underneath my suit. The bulge was plainly visible. She pushed herself against me and rotated her firm belly around and around.
"Feel good?" She whispered, licking my ear and blowing warm air into it.
"Uh huh...."
"I like you...."
She reached down and rested her hand on my groin. She followed the line of my prick up and down. Her hand was experienced and firm, she knew exactly where to touch and just how much pressure to exert.
When I touched her, she pushed herself against my hand, taking ever ounce of pressure and using it. She was really a lonesome woman, and I could tell she needed to be touched.
"Feel me ... touch me ... please...."
I unsnapped the strap of her bra. She pulled away from me as I slid the garment from her breasts. They were not as small as I had first thought. Finely shaped and pointed, the nipples were small and very hard. They seemed the perfect size for her small frame.
"You sunbathe in the nude?" I asked, noticing that her apple like breasts were as brown as the rest of her.
"Always...."
I took her breast into my mouth and bit down on her bud. She grabbed my cock and squeezed as a way of reacting. She was moaning now, and her eyelids began fluttering delicately. She was getting turned on very quickly, and was obviously adept at letting herself go and enjoying herself.
"Oh yes, baby...." She moaned, arching her back and pushing her little tit into my mouth, "suck me. Bite me, make it hurt!"
I ran my tongue around the edge of her nipple. Her skin was so fine, so smooth when I kissed the area between her breasts and tried to lick her stomach. Anne pulled herself high above me so that I could reach her down below.
"Take them off ... hurry...." I pulled her panties down and she kicked them off. Her naked body was slithery and girlish, she moved and twisted like a small animal. I loved holding her, feeling her firm buttocks and running my fingers up and down her crack.
"Now, finally...." she moaned, standing up in the water so that her blonde cunt was staring me right in the face, "now, you'll eat me...."
She threw one leg over my shoulder and balanced herself by placing her hands on my shoulders. I wanted to kiss her again, but her cunt was right there. I licked around the soft pubic hair, then ran my tongue around in small circles until I finally separated her firm lips and entered her vagina.
Her juices were flowing. She was warm and soft inside. The skin seemed so virginal, as though she had never been touched before. I stroked her there, hearing her above me moaning and groaning without any thought to the fact that we were outside in broad daylight.
"Oooohhh, baby ... lick me ... lick me...."
I wanted to be inside her now. My prick was throbbing like crazy and ached for release. I withdrew and stood up ... She pulled me towards her and arched her back so that her naked little cunt was rubbing up against me.
As we kissed, she struggled with my suit and finally pulled it down. When my cock popped out, she stood back and held it in her hand. She seemed to be amazed by it, as though she had never seen an erect penis before in her life.
"It's beautiful!" She said. Then she kneeled down and put her mouth to it. Her tongue went in small circles around my head, then she pried at the hole. She knew her stuff, her mouth was as knowledgeable as her hands were.
When she wrapped her lips around me, I felt like I would explode.
"Easy ... easy...." I pleaded.
She pulled her head away from my cock and smiled up at me. "Don't worry ... do it now. We've got all afternoon."
She sucked me into her mouth again and began drawing on my penis as if there was no tomorrow. She was really getting off doing it to me like that, pushing her mouth down to the base and then moving so slowly back up the length again.
I couldn't handle it anymore. I shot my load into her mouth and she struggled to take all the fluid inside. The white stuff poured from the corners of her mouth. She slurped and licked me clean. When we were finished, I was still hard.
"You want to fuck me?"
"Yes."
Anne pulled me out of the pool and spread a blanket down on the cement. She lay down in the sunshine and spread her legs. I knelt between them and she pulled me gently into her.
As I pumped slowly into her sweet, tight cunt, she moved her hands up along the crack of my ass. I felt her finger go inside my anus and she left it there.
We moved well together. She was graceful and intense at the same time. She knew just the right amount of movement, and just how fast to go. Our mouths stayed locked against one another's during the whole time, it was as though we wanted to get as much of each other as possible.
Finally, I felt myself cumming. Anne let herself go and I could feel her vagina throbbing and pulsating against my cock. As my first spurt came, Anne pulled her finger from my ass. It was a tremendous feeling. Both sides of me were being drained. The orgasm felt like it was twice as powerful.
"That was fantastic!" I said afterwards when we were smoking, lying side by side in the nude.
"There will be more, Merle, plenty more."
I felt like I really loved her. We were good together, it seemed, and I couldn't see any reason why we shouldn't stay together for the rest of our lives. But, as in everything, there were certain complications.
One of these was her husband. And the other, my daughters. I would learn later that they were watching us from a hilltop far away. And watching the way Anne held me, blew me and fucked me had given them a great sense of resentment ... especially Cindy.
When the girls returned from their horseback riding they were both in very strange moods. They answered my 'hello' with abrupt nods and went right into the rooms Anne had given them. I could tell immediately that there was something wrong.
"Don't worry about it," Anne said, seeing that I was upset. "They're just tired from all that riding...."
"I hope that's all there is to it." I sensed at that moment that there was more, that something else was bothering them. Especially, Cindy.
After dinner, Anne told the girls to go swimming to relieve their aching backsides. The water was warm, and the soothing experience would help them.
Anne and I sat in the living room watching the fire and talking about little things.
I heard the girls laughing and playing in the water. I hadn't heard them with such happy voices in a long time, and it made me feel good that they were having fun. But then, I saw Cindy as she walked by the window towards the diving board. She was naked.
"They're both naked!" I shouted, getting up to go outside and tell them to put their suits back on.
"Well, so were we!"
"Yeah, but they're too young for that!"
"Why worry, no boys are around. I'm sure they've seen each others' bodies before. All young girls are like that...."
Anne was right. I couldn't go out there anyway and look at them floating around in the nude. It would be too much. And Anne could see nothing wrong with it.
We drank far into the night. Cindy and Pam had come in wearing their suits, as though they thought they were fooling me, and had gone upstairs to bed. Anne laughed about my worries and seemed to think that I was playing the typical father. But she liked that, seemed to think that it was a good side of me.
Anne's bedroom was at the far end of the hallway. The girls were sleeping at the other end. I felt kind of strange about going into her bedroom because it was so obvious what I was doing.
I really didn't want the girls, especially Cindy, to know what was happening. But, I figured, they would have to have guessed by now and there would be no denying it.
Anne closed the door of the bedroom and looked at me with those wild blue eyes of hers. She was hot again, would want it through the night. As she pulled off her clothes, I became erect again. It seemed that every time I was with her, it was impossible not to have an erection.
"Let's take a shower together," She said when she was naked. Her firm belly was moving steadily, she was already hot.
I stood outside the shower, watching the water cascade off her smooth body. She smiled widely as she rubbed the soap over her cunt, making sure that she got inside her crack with the suds and opened herself to my hungry eyes.
"You going to stand there all night beating yourself off, or are you going to come in here with me?"
I looked down and my cock was standing up again. I climbed into the tub and we held each other.
"You really like water, don't you?"
"I'm sexually hung up ... it makes me feel like a virgin...."
She laughed at her own joke. Then, she took the soap and made a load of suds. She took the handful and wiped it gently onto my penis. She seemed to enjoy it, watching my cock as she slid her hands back and forth.
"Like it?"
"Love it...."
She was really cleaning me up. She soaped my balls, then soaped my ass and came back again and soaped my prick. Her hands never stopped moving, she seemed to love touching me there. There was always this look of fascination in her eyes, those blue pearls which seemed to always reflect what she felt inside.
"Why do you like it so much?" I asked, when she refused to allow me to return the favor because she wanted to keep touching it.
"Oh, I guess I've got a father complex or something. Always jealous because daddy had one and I couldn't have the same thing."
She laughed at her joke.
When we had finished drying each other off, we climbed into bed. It was the first time in years that I had been in bed with a woman. The feel of her body next to mine, the way she wrapped her firm thighs around my legs made me quiver with delight.
"You've really missed it, haven't you?" She asked, holding my penis and stroking it gently.
"So have you...."
"Yes ... you're right."
She threw herself on top of me. Then, she sat up, her buttocks resting against the tops of my thighs. She spread herself and held my prick up in front of her vagina opening. The view from where I lay was great. Her body was strong and firm, and her widespread cunt seemed more beautiful than ever.
"You like it this way?"
"Yes," I replied, although Sally and I had never had occasion to do it like this.
"It turns things around, that's always good for you."
She held my penis up against her crack and was pushing the length in and around herself.
"It feels so nice this way ... everything so open and wide...."
Then she lifted herself up so that she could move the head of my penis into the opening of her vagina. She rotated the prick around and around near the entrance. All the while, she was throwing her head back and swinging her long blonde hair in circles. I reached up and grabbed each of her breasts, pinching the hard little buds of her nipples and rotating the small tits around like she was doing with my penis.
"Oooohhh...." She cried as she sat down on me. My prick slithered up inside her, more fully than I had invaded her all day.
Watching her rock back and forth on top of me was fantastic. She moved like a wild animal, her stomach muscles rippled like crazy with each thrust of her belly. During the height of it, she reached down to her own cunt and began working her clit. She massaged that pink pearl with expertise. Obviously, she had been accustomed to doing herself. Now, she was getting filled from all sides, and her obvious pleasure was intense and good.
When she came, she cried out and held herself out against me by holding my shoulders tightly. I could feel the explosion inside her cunt, her juices seemed to seethe with the force of her orgasm and her whole body shook and shuddered. She was a real comer.
When we awoke the next morning, the sound of laughing reached our ears. I went to the window and looked down into the pool. Cindy and Pam were frolicking around, wearing nothing but their happy grins.
"They have exquisite bodies, don't they?"
Anne stood naked next to the other window. She was also watching them. "Yes," I replied, feeling Anne's hands wrap around my body and begin massaging my penis. In another moment, I was hard and ready to take this girlish woman once again.
After the few days at Anne's, everything began to change at home. Cindy and Pam were very quiet for the next few days, hardly speaking to me at all except to say the necessary things that needed to be said. Then, one night, everything came out into the open.
I was lying in bed, reading a hunting magazine, when Cindy walked in. She was wearing a towel, and her hair was wet from the shower. She had that strange look in her eyes again, a kind of ghostly resemblance to Sally.
"We haven't talked much lately, have we daddy?"
She sat down on the edge of the bed. When she drew her leg up underneath her, I could barely make out the dark shadow of her sex between her thighs. I was naked under the covers, and I had to bunch up the blankets so she wouldn't see my prick rise.
"No...." I replied, waiting to see what she was up to.
"I just wanted to ask you about Anne. I mean, do you love her or something?"
"I don't know, Cindy. I suppose it could be possible...."
"Why?"
"Because, that's the way things go."
"I saw you two fucking in the swimming pool that day...."
Cindy had lowered her eyes and was playing with the bottom of the towel. She said the words so softly, so blandly as though she were talking about the weather or something.
"Don't talk like that!" I said, feeling anger and a certain sense of desire rising within me.
"Why not daddy?" She stared at me openly, challenging me with those green eyes.
"Because, it isn't proper. I'm still your father no matter what you may think!"
"If you are, then why do you look at me like that?"
I didn't know what she meant until she stood up ... In a moment, the towel fell from her body. Her breasts were round and full, and her golden nipples were erect. Her smooth skin, her blonde pubis were young and clean. She was, indeed, a beautiful child and somehow she reminded me of Sally.
"Put your clothes back on!"
But she wouldn't. Instead, she lifted her leg onto the bed and arched her belly towards me. Her vagina was clearly present beneath her sparse pubic hair. I felt myself begin to throb.
"What's the matter, do I turn you on?"
I was getting angry at this kind stimulation. It was wrong, and it was unfair. But I couldn't jump out of the bed and grab her because I was naked.
"Cindy, Goddammit, get out of here!!!"
She began rubbing her cunt, stroking that fine hair between her thighs. "I won't leave until you let me see you. I want to see your sex...."
She was impossible. The challenge in her eyes was still present but along with that, there was a sense of excitement which couldn't be denied. Her small hips wiggled provocatively towards me while her breasts seemed to reach out and touch me. I was so turned on that my anger seemed more a sexual thing than an emotion by itself.
"Cindy...." I pleaded with her. But she wouldn't go. Then, when I wasn't ready for her, she reached down and snapped the blanket back from my body. Her eyes opened wide when she saw my hard penis standing up like a pole.
"Big and good ... just like I thought it would be...."
When she reached down to take it in her hand, I grabbed her arm and pulled her down onto the bed. I threw her over my stomach and began spanking her bare little ass. Her breasts were rubbing against my penis, and the more I spanked her, the more she twisted herself so that her nipples were actually rubbing my prick.
"Oh, daddy ... stop ... stop ... !!!"
But I was getting carried away. I desperately wanted to stop and hold her tight cheeks, run my hand along her crack and follow it down between her legs to her little tuft of hair. It was only through the spanking that I could avoid doing this, to keep myself from doing something with her that I would regret for the rest of my life.
I did not notice her at first, but while I continued spanking her, she had raised herself and had reached underneath and taken my penis into her hands. She was jacking me off like crazy while I beat her bottom. I almost didn't even realize what was happening until I started coming.
"Come on daddy ... shoot yourself ... come on ... !!!"
She began writhing, pushing herself against my legs and stroking my cock wildly as I shot my stuff into the air. When I had stopped, finally, she laughed. Then she rolled over onto her side and just stared at me. The way her body looked, with her tits hanging off just slightly in opposite directions really reminded me of Sally.
"Don't feel bad about this, daddy ... it was all my fault...."
She smiled and touched my cheek. Then, as suddenly as the whole thing had begun, she got up and ran from the room. I watched her naked body shimmy and sway as she moved out into the darkness of the hallway.
I couldn't sleep at all that night. I had to drink. There was something wrong with everything that was happening. I wondered if my little girls were crazy or something. But now, when I look back on that terrible night, I realize that I enjoyed it as much as she had. That made me feel even worse because I knew how wrong it all was. I wondered if I could ever face Anne again.
When I told Anne about what had happened, she tried to explain the situation to me in Freudian terms. She said that the girl was trying to compete with her unknown mother, that because the mother wasn't present, she felt that she had a better opportunity to get the love that I had had for Sally. This sounded reasonable to me, but there was still the question of what I could do about it. Anne told me that it would be a good idea if I sent the girls away to school so that maybe they could have some kind of normal opportunity to grow up. But I didn't have the money to do this, and Anne knew it.
"Maybe we could work something out...."
I knew what she meant by this. She had already told me that she was making plans to leave her husband. If this happened, then she would have alimony as long as she didn't remarry. I was more than willing to go along with this. With Anne, I felt as though I could do anything. We both knew that we had a chance to make it together.
I returned home feeling much better about everything, even about the scene with Cindy. I knew that things would work out, that they hadn't gotten that far out of hand where they were impossible to solve.
But that very night, it happened. And this time, it just wasn't Cindy. She had gotten Pam into the act, also.
I was sound asleep, dreaming of the life I would have with Anne when I heard the sound of footsteps. I bolted up, but it was too late.
This time, for some reason, I didn't have any defense. I did it willingly and without hesitation because, I think, I was half asleep and without any full realization as to what was happening to me.
Cindy was already in bed and Pam was pulling the covers off. They were both laughing and whispering.
I lay naked on the bed, and felt Cindy's naked body pushing up against me. She had hold of my penis and was stroking it gently. Then, she leaned over and kissed me on the mouth. Her tongue drove deeply inside my mouth and she moved it around inside searching out my tongue.
Then Pam was at my balls. She, too, was naked and I could feel her tiny breasts rubbing up against my thighs. She licked my balls, then took my penis into her mouth and began sucking on it loudly. All this time, Cindy kept kissing me and rubbing herself against me.
Then Pam withdrew her mouth and Cindy moved down to my prick. Then I felt Pam above my mouth. She lowered her sweet little cunt down onto my mouth. I began sucking on her wet vagina, driving my tongue up inside her and enjoying the taste of her sweet juices.
Then Cindy lowered herself onto my penis. Like Anne had done only a few days before, she lowered herself with the same kind of abandon. By the time I was fully inside her, she was groaning loudly and moving like a wild animal on me.
All around me it was there. Pam's cunt at my mouth, Cindy's cunt surrounding my prick. It was the most total sexual experience I had ever had. Everywhere the groans and the moans were flooding the room, everywhere the juices from these two, young girls were flowing. I was totally engulfed by the experience, totally taken by the massive feelings of skin and hair and moisture.
When it was all over, Cindy and Pam stood above me. Two naked nymphs, happy with their victory and wild gleams in their eyes. I didn't recognize them as my daughters anymore. They were strangers, girls from the most erotic wet dream a man ever had.
"You'll never forget us, daddy. We were better than any of them, weren't we?"
I nodded dumbly, still recovering from the experience. Their nudity was wistfully beautiful, like a fine painting. I felt that I would never be able to touch them again.
"Don't worry," Cindy said, "we're leaving here. We know you want to be with Anne...."
And then they both turned and walked out the door.
I ran to Anne's, told her what had happened. She was very understanding. She said that she had known after our first conversation that something like this would be the ultimate result. Speaking with her, I was better able to understand-to accept.
I know it will be a long time before I'm fully able to understand what happened during those couple of nights. But with Anne's help, and possible communication with both Cindy and Pam in the future, I'm sure I'll be able to know what really happened beneath the surface.
SUMMARY
The father-love syndrome of the Freudian school maintains that a young girl's love and sexual desire stems from her basic desire to have her father as a lover. In this case, we see that this very strong desire worked to fulfillment because of the situation in which Merle and his daughters found themselves.
The first point to be considered in this situation is the fact that the mother was not present. Having left the family long before the girls could really know her, the mother basically developed herself into an imaginary threat. This image, or lack of reality, caused the girls, especially Cindy, to attempt to establish herself as a replacement for the missing mother.
This desire on Cindy's behalf to give her father the love that had been taken away from him was one which existed purely in the abstract until the advent of Anne. With the coming of Anne, Cindy was then able to see the reality of the threat she felt. The fulfillment which Anne provided for Merle gave Cindy a real and positive goal ... something which she could emulate.
The fact that Cindy and Pam were able to put into action their deepest desires is a resulting factor of the conditions under which they grew up. Without the typical family morality and teachings, many children find themselves acting upon desires which society tries to repress and control. This almost primitive behavior pattern emerges whenever the usual controls break down. It is because of this breakdown that Cindy and Pam were able to instigate their 'night of love' with their father.
Merle has since married Anne and lives happily. His two daughters have gone off to school and are learning those rules which society maintains in today's world. Merle does not feel that the ability to understand what has taken place will come from punishment or coercion, but from a genuine and honest appraisal of the desires and emotions which reside in all human beings. With this attitude, and the communication of this point of view to his two daughters, Merle indeed stands an excellent chance of regaining the touch he so desperately wants and needs with his family.
CHAPTER FIVE
Marlene M. is seventeen years old, black-haired with sparkling blue eyes and a slim, model-like figure. She is an intelligent girl who has sought to rectify what might be termed a troubled childhood through her own actions. In this case, we shall follow, through Marlene's own words, the voyage she took in order to complete her own life.
Marlene was born into a well-to-do family living in San Francisco. Her father was an executive with an oil company and her mother a pretty matron of the arts. But when Marlene was six years old, her parents split up. Her father was booted from the household and after his departure no mention of his name was ever allowed again. Thus, Marlene grew up with a strange picture of who her father was, never really knowing the man except for the occasional slip from her mother.
Using a tape recorder and Marlene's willingness to tell me everything in complete detail, I was able to trace the events of her voyage in which she sought out her father. At sixteen, the young girl had decided that possibly her mother had been wrong about him, and had decided to find out the truth for herself. It is this search for the true facts that we shall concern ourselves with here.
In each case history we have examined, guilt plays a large role in determining the actions of the participants. In Marlene's case, that factor will play an even larger role. With this consideration brought to your attention, we shall begin.
I decided to look for my father on my sixteenth birthday. That was the day my mother tried to hide a birthday card sent by him. I found the card in a dresser drawer with the postmark from Los Angeles. I knew that it was from him, that man who had never been mentioned.
Throughout my childhood, I had heard my mother say nothing good about my father. When she did speak of him, which was on very rare occasions, it was in purely negative terms. I knew that before I began my life on my own, I would have to find out who he was ... what kind of man he was and if he loved me.
I wrote my mother a letter telling her that it was 'high time I left'. I figured that if I could give her some excuse, some kind of story which she could tell her club members about me being some kind of a typical daughter then she wouldn't bother thinking any further about the situation. Even though I had been raised by her, I still didn't like her. I mean, she was a woman who had her own thing, and everything like that, but there was something really phony about her. Watching how she treated men, I sometimes wondered if maybe my father hadn't been smart to leave. Sometimes I would try to imagine what he must have been like staying with a woman like her, and most times I would just stop trying when I realized that it must have been very difficult for any man to have stayed with her.
The night I left, I bought a ticket on a bus to L.A. and that was the most exciting night of my life. My mother had always arranged my dates, trying to get me to marry into high society and everything. Just riding on that bus, not knowing what was going to happen next was a thrilling experience for me.
On the same bus with me was a guy named Al. He was a long -haired dude with a long mustache. My mother had always warned me about guys like him, but after talking with him for a while I knew that he was kind and gentle.
"I'm just wandering around," He told me after he took the seat next to me. "You know, kind of just seeing what's happening in this world...."
I told him that I was going to L.A. to see my father. It made me feel good to tell someone that I had a father, kind of made the whole thing real in my own mind.
"That's a groovy thing," Al said, lighting a cigarette, "always good to be in touch with the old man. They seem stupid when you're young, but when you grow they seem to get a little wiser...."
He seemed to understand exactly what I was doing, or at least what I was looking for. After a while of talking and laughing together, Al took me into his arms and kissed me. It was a long, passionate kiss ... I had never been kissed by any of the fellows at the yacht club that way. I was more turned on by that kiss than by any other kiss I had ever had.
"You always kiss that way?" I asked after we parted.
"Only when the girl is as beautiful as you are...." And I could see that he meant it.
We necked for the next fifty miles. For the first time in my life, I opened my mouth to a boy. Boys had tried the same thing at the club, but I had always thought it kind of dirty to touch tongues when you kissed. With Al, it all seemed natural ... as though that was what was supposed to be done when two people kissed.
When he tried to touch my breast, though, I began to panic. His hand was gentle, but he was determined to touch me there. I guess I was pretty innocent because I took his hand away and placed it into his lap. He just laughed.
"Oh," He moaned, pulling out another smoke, "You're one of them. That's too bad. I thought you were hip, you know, someone who dug a little pleasure and wasn't afraid of it."
I explained that I hardly knew him, and that nice girls didn't go around doing things like that. The words flowed from my mouth, but they didn't belong to me. They were the words and phrases of my mother, and that realization made me kiss him again. If there was anything I wanted to do, it was to get away from the teachings of my mother. I had always felt that there was something wrong with her, something that just wasn't natural.
"That's better, Marlene...." He said after I kissed him again long and hard. This time, I took his hand and put it on my breast. I really enjoyed the feeling as he pinched my nipple beneath the material of my blouse. His fingers were gentle, and he really seemed to know what he was doing.
"You like that?" He asked after ho. had pushed his hand underneath my blouse and was touching my bra.
"Yes ... I do...." The more time that passed, the more I began to realize that pleasure was its own thing. I mean, there was nothing religious or sacred about it, there was nothing like fireworks connected with it. It was just something that felt good. Al had that ability to make the scene without any kind of big deal being attached to it. He just did it.
In the darkness of the bus, I let him unsnap mv bra and take it off. Being naked underneath my blouse was a real thrill for me. To feel my breasts hanging free was something I had only seen in other girls who wore no bra ... it was great to feel it for real on myself.
"You've got nice breasts...." He said. His hand was on them and he was pinching my nipples. I was beginning to breathe real hard, and the whole thing was turning me on like I had never been turned on before.
When he began rubbing my belly, I decided that I wouldn't stop him. I knew what he was after, and was more than willing by that time to let him get it. I was a new person now, and I knew that I would have to find things out for myself. I wanted to touch everything, to know what all feelings were about. I was willing to let Al show me the way.
His hand went underneath the top elastic of my slacks and he roamed far down my belly. I was scared as his fingers began fumbling around the area where my pubic hair started. And when he reached my crack, I thought I would jump out of my seat.
But I couldn't stop him. It was going too far. There were things I wanted to know. Everything my mother had warned mc about was now happening, and if only for that reason I had to let them go all the way.
"Touch me...." His voice was strained and his words came at me like a command that I couldn't refuse.
"Alright ... but easy and slow, okay?"
"Okay."
I sat back and watched him as he unzipped his pants and drew out his penis. It was the first time I had ever seen a man except in the pictures that some of the girls in the club had brought in once. His penis was already hard, and it looked big and threatening as it popped out of his pants. In the darkness, it seemed to glow.
"Listen," Al said, feeling probably a little embarrassed, "you don't have to if you don't want to...."
I asked him what he was talking about. He took my hand and placed it on his cock. The hard skin, the roundness and heat of the thing sent chills up my spine. I wrapped my fingers around it and began stroking it. I knew that that was something a girl was supposed to do with a man. I wanted to do it all.
"Easy, baby ... slower!"
He was really getting turned on. I began stroking him harder now, pulling on his prick as though it were a tool to be used. I watched his face as my hand seemed to move on its own faster and faster up and down his shaft. I knew that he would come, and I wanted him to. I didn't care anymore. There was a feeling of power inside me that wouldn't allow me to stop. I wanted him to spurt all of his juices into the air, to see him as he was at his most vulnerable.
"Oh yeah...." He cried out when his white stuff started shooting in uneven bursts from the tip. I kept jacking him off until everything had shot from him. When he was empty, I held his penis and waited for it to get soft again.
"Hey baby," He said, when his prick was now soft, "you're really something else!"
I smiled. I felt new and reborn. The words of my mother seemed to grow so much less meaningful. In the course of a couple of hours on a bus, I had managed to get further than I had after sixteen years. The excitement of my accomplishment was invigorating and tiring. I fell asleep and did not awake until the skyline of Los Angeles appeared in the dawn's early light.
Al took me to his apartment where his sister and her boyfriend lived. Whenever he came through town, this was home for Al. It was a nice place, located in Hollywood with a large swimming pool that was filled with young people even when we arrived early in the morning.
"This is home when in L.A. Marlene ... you can stay or leave ... whatever."
His sister, Eve, was an older girl. She looked tough and worn, looked as though she had been around.
"Where are you working?" She asked me before I even had a chance to take a sip of the coffee she had prepared.
"I don't know ... maybe in a store or something...." I hadn't really given any thought to money. I thought I would find my father right away without having to wait around. The thought that it might take longer than I first expected brought me quickly back to reality.
"You can't work in a damn store, Marlene, it'll take you months to save any kind of money."
I asked Eve what she suggested I should do.
"Come with me. You've got a nice body, I'm sure they can use your talents...." She smiled wickedly. I didn't know what she was talking about, but when she mentioned a hundred dollars for a day's work, I was willing to give it a try.
Eve drove down Santa Monica to a sordid little store front that was boarded up. All around this place were bookstores selling adult books and magazines. I had seen this kind of neighborhood in San Francisco in North Beach, so I wasn't too bother by the atmosphere.
"Now," Eve warned when we walked into the front office, "just be cool and you'll get your money."
A short man with a beard came out from the rear and kissed Eve. Then he stood back and looked me up and down. I didn't like his eves on me, nor the way he smiled when he had fin ished with his preliminary examination.
"Very nice, Eve. Your recruitment tactics are amazing...."
"She came in with Al on the bus. She needs a quick hundred ... if that can be arranged."
"I'm sure there will be no problem if she's willing to understand our artistic procedures here...."
I finally had to speak up. I asked them both exactly what was happening, and what I was expected to do.
"Just come with me...."
The short man's name was Burt. He led me through a long hallway to a small, darkened room in the rear. He went over to the wall, switched on a knob and suddenly the room was blaringly well lit. There were five or six large lights pointed towards a small set covered with red, velvet blankets.
"Okay, honey ... start posing...."
He handed me a fifty dollar bill. I knew at that moment that I would have to go through the rigors of this thing if I was to eventually have enough money to continue my search.
"Okay, baby, just be natural ... I'll do the rest...."
He stood behind a camera and began fooling with the focus. I could hardly see him because of the lights and that made me feel better. I began striking as many poses as I could think of, copying those women I had seen in the fashion magazines. Burt snapped about ten shots then stopped.
"You've got a nice touch. You've got class ... now start turning it on with a slow strip, okay?"
"Alright...." Even though this would be the first time I was naked in front of a man, I didn't mind it. It was the same feeling I had had on the bus returning again, making me want to do everything against the rules under which I had grown up. Anyway, Burt was a nice guy, and I already had enough money to last me a week with the promise of another fifty after the session. I figured I had nothing to lose, but a whole lot to gain from this experience.
I peeled open my blouse and held the sides together in front of me. Then, in a moment of daring, I reached behind me, unsnapped my bra and turned it around so it would appear that I was naked underneath.
"That's the way, honey, you're beautiful...." I posed this way for a few shots, then let the blouse drop open. I grew excited, I mean, my nipples grew hard when the air touched my naked breasts. The heat of the lamps warmed me, and my skin glistened. I felt very sexy and womanly knowing that someday there would be men standing in bookstores looking at my naked body, wishing that they could be with me.
"Marlene," Burt said softly behind the camera, "hold your breasts, play with them...."
I pushed my melons upwards and lowered my mouth and touched my nipples with my tongue. It was the first time I had ever touched myself that way, and the feeling was very satisfying. I encircled the buds with my tongue for a full five minutes, and by the time Burt asked me to change poses, my vagina was soaking wet. "Okay, take the rest off...." I pulled down my pants, striking poses at each step of the action. In one, I stuck out my ass and smiled into the camera. In another, I spread my legs outwards towards the lens and held the front of my jeans down just below my crotch. I was really getting into trying to turn that camera on.
Just standing there wearing nothing but my panties. I began to touch myself all over. Burt seemed to disappear from behind the camera, and I became the only person in the room. The sweat was pouring down, and my cunt was flowing with juices like a fountain. I played with my panties, pulled them tightly up into my crack and spread my thighs outwards towards the camera's eye. Finally, I tugged them completely off and faced the objective eye in the nude.
"Yeah...." Burt moaned when he shot the first full nude of me. I was happy that he liked the way I looked.
"A little beaver, Marlene...."
"A little what?"
"Uh, you know, spread your legs and let them boys out there look right up between ... okay?"
"Okay." I lay down on the red velvet rugs and threw my legs apart. I pulled the lips of my cunt apart and felt the heat of the lamps warming me up inside. I knew that I was excited, my vagina was throbbing just slightly. The wetness down there must have been glistening like crazy.
"She's doing alright...."
Burt was speaking to Eve. She stood off to the side wearing a very short bathrobe. She smoked slowly while watching me pose, then threw her cigarette to the ground and walked into the glare of the floodlights.
"Marlene," She said quietly, taking a seat next to me, "I hope you don't mind if I earn a little bread with you."
Her hand was on my thigh. Her robe fell open and her right breast fell free. Her nipple was hard, and the bud seemed to glisten with a life of its own beneath the harsh light.
"I don't know, Eve ... will it make any difference about the money?"
Eve laughed. "No, baby, you'll still get your hundred even if you don't do anything with me. But, if you do do it, you'll get an extra fifty."
I liked her. She was honest. I reached over to her and pulled the robe from her shoulders. I held her breasts, those small masses of flesh capped with her strikingly hard nipples.
"That's better...." Her eyes were wide, her pupils larger than usual. She was really turned on by me, by my nudity and by my touch.
"Okay girls ... give me five minutes of goodies...." Burt seemed happy with the developments taking place before his camera's eye. Later, he would tell me that I was the prettiest model he had ever had pose for him. The price of my pictures on the market were twice the going rate.
Eve's robe slipped easily from her body. Her blonde pubic hair was t-rimmed into the shape of a heart. I laughed when I saw it, somehow it struck me as being very funny.
"Eat my heart out...." She joked.
I waited until she settled herself on her back and then knelt between her legs. She was wet and smelled very sweet, like strawberries. She even tasted like strawberries. It was very weird to touch another vagina with my tongue, to feel the soft, rippled flesh and the warm, flowing juices.
"Ah yessss...." She moaned, "you really know your stuff...."
I was licking her like crazy and she was pushing her hips up and down like a small machine. Then, she turned herself around, pulled open my thighs, and drove her mouth up into my cunt. I could feel her working deep inside my vagina, slurping up the wetness that was there and virtually driving me crazy. It was too much for me. I had never experienced such a scene before and my nervous system wasn't ready for it.
I wanted to come, I felt the need for release but I couldn't seem to get there, or even get close. Finally, I pushed myself away from Eve's seething cunt and screamed. Later, Burt would sell this picture of ecstatic release. In the photo, which would sell for fifty dollars, I appear to be in the throes of the ultimate glory. But, in truth, I was suffering from the most unbelievable frustration imaginable.
After the completion of the session, as both Eve and I dressed in the same room, we spoke about our desires.
"You were great, honey...." She said, smiling.
"You weren't bad yourself...."
"I wouldn't mind doing something like that on our own sometime ... you know...."
Eve invited me to go up the coast, get a motel room and spend a few days with one another. I decided that maybe that would be a good idea, and she did promise to help me find my father when we got back into L.A. She said that she knew a lot of businessmen, insurance men and real estate brokers who would probably know where my father was.
The Seaside Motel in Malibu stood right over the sand, and at night the floodlights lit up the beach as though the moon was always full and shining. Eve and I took a room overlooking the water. We ordered a couple of bottles of gin and proceeded to get very drunk. By the time the sun had gone down, we were both pretty well smashed.
"Let's go swimming...."
Eve could hardly stand she was so drunk. But somehow, we made it down to the beach. We both stood on the sand wondering what to do next. I ripped off my clothes and ran naked into the water. Eve followed and we splashed around like little children in the crashing surf.
We didn't care if anyone saw us. We were happy to be there and I, especially, felt so free and wild that nothing would ever bother me again. It was a great feeling, one that I would never forget.
When we both came marching out of the water, dripping water and stark naked, we saw a tall lifeguard standing near where our clothes were thrown.
"You girls can't swim at night...."
"But we have...." I said, not bothering to cover my body. I enjoyed watching his eyes as they traveled down across my breasts and then to my shiny cunt.
"You should get dressed, young lady, it's against the law to swim in the nude!"
"Oh really? I thought everything was free here!"
"Some things are, but not the sea at night." I was drunk and really turned on by the swim.
I wanted some action. Eve just stood off to the side and watched. I think she was too drunk to really notice what was happening.
"Listen," I said, finally, "take off your trunks and I'll give you something...."
The guy was shocked. He looked around him to see if anyone was watching, then stripped off his suit. When he was naked, I walked up to him, held his penis and rubbed the head of it against my crack.
"My God," he said, holding my breasts and rubbing the nipples, "you really don't waste time, do you?"
"There isn't enough of it in the world for that...."
You could imagine the shock he felt when I knelt down in front of him and began licking his cock. I fondled his balls, then drew his staff between my lips. He pushed into my mouth, holding my head against his prick.
"Stop it," he said finally, "I want to ball you...."
It was funny, but everything I had done in the last few days had circumvented the proposition of fucking someone. I wanted to fuck, but then again the thought made me quiver. There was something I felt that I had to do before I would let a man's penis between my legs. I couldn't explain it, and had to go along with just the feeling I had about it.
"No," I replied, "none of that, it's dirty...."
"Dirty!" He shouted, holding me tightly by the shoulders, "here you are giving me a blow job and you say balling me is dirty!"
I was getting scared. I had come a little too far. I looked around for Eve. She was dressed, sitting on the sand watching the scene as though we were in some kind of movie.
"The young lady doesn't want to fuck you...." Her words were biting, they cut through the night air like a dagger.
"Who the Hell are you?" The guy was really getting upset, so upset that he lost his erection.
"You can't even keep it up during a little attack of flak, can you?" Eve was really cutting into him, and she knew just how to make him
"You're both bitches!!!"
"She gave you head, buster, you couldn't ask for much more than that!"
The guy pulled on his shorts, suddenly realizing that he was into a pretty weird scene. I couldn't have agreed with him more.
"Let's go to bed," Eve said finally after we watched the guy walk quickly away from us. I was sorry that it had turned out this way because I had kind of liked him. But it was too early for that, time would have to pass before I could, or would, really make love.
I couldn't stay with Eve for much longer. When we got back to town after our little vacation, she had tried to find a lead as to the whereabouts of my father. But she had come up empty handed. There was another element which drove me away from her, though, and that was her possessiveness. She didn't seem to understand what I was doing, or how I was going about doing it. So, I finally had to take my money and leave. It was the wrong road for me to be taking at that point in my life.
I got a room in a small apartment building in the Valley and went out looking for work. I tried everything and was turned down everywhere because I was too young and had little experience. Finally, I saw an ad in an underground newspaper advertising for young girls to work as masseuses.
The parlour was located in the middle of a pleasant shopping center. It didn't look too sordid or anything, so I went inside.
A woman in her twenties was sitting behind a desk. She looked me up and down just like Burt had when I walked through the door. Finally, she ask me what I wanted.
"I want to work here...."
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen," I lied.
"Ever work in a place like this before?"
"Yes," I lied again and went on to invent someplace in San Francisco that I had worked for years. She either believed me or thought that I was good-looking enough to handle the work and even bring in a few customers.
"Alright, come with me...."
She led me back through a long hallway into a small room. As we passed the closed doors of the massage booths, I could hear the laughter of men and women. I wondered how far along into the sexual thing I would be required to go if I worked here. I decided upon the limits. I would do anything except fuck, and I figured that that would be plenty.
"Get dressed and then come up front...." Martha, the redhead handed me an almost sheer toga. "And stay naked underneath ... it's good for public relations if you know what I mean."
I put on the sheer gown and stared at myself in the mirror. The tips of my breasts were plainly visible beneath the material, and the dark shadow of my pubic hair could be seen when the light hit it right. I thought that I looked pretty sexy in the thing and was actually pleased with myself. I was becoming very determined to be as sexy as I could, and this outfit certainly helped me in that goal.
I waited in the front office for over an hour before anyone came in. Martha chatted about things like her nails and her hairdo but never went into anything deeper. She was obviously used to girls with strange backgrounds working in her place and had thus developed the fine art of small talk as a way of avoiding embarrassing questions.
Finally, a young dude with short hair and a nervous manner came in and asked for a massage. He flipped a twenty dollar bill onto the table, lit a cigarette with nervous hands and turned towards me.
"Are you working?" He asked, looking me up and down and finally resting his eyes on my nipples that felt as though they were popping right through my toga.
"Yes, I think so."
"Good."
"Okay, Marlene," Martha said, shuffling papers, "Mr. Hobbs here will be yours. An hour with a bath before ... okay?"
I got up and took Mr. Hobbs' sweaty hand and led him into the last booth at the end of the hallway. As we walked down the dim row of booths, I could feel my breasts bouncing up and down and I could feel his eyes always on them.
"Alright," I said when we got inside the small room, "take off your clothes and I'll meet you in the bath."
He smiled and began undressing. I ran the water, making it as hot as I could and waited for him. Finally, he came through the door wearing a huge smile and nothing else. His penis was already hard as a rock, and he seemed to take great delight in my shocked expression.
"Mr. Hobbs! You're supposed to wear a towel when going from room to room!"
Why?"
"For modesty's sake, that's why!"
But he just laughed at me. I watched him lower himself into the tub. I lathered up a bar of soap and began soaping his back.
"You've got very nice hands, Marlene."
I thanked him for that. Then I moved around the front side and ran my hand down his stomach just to the point where his pubic hair started. His cock was kind of floating in the water and I wanted to avoid touching it. I wanted to make sure that I would get enough money out of this thing to make the venture worth my while. I didn't want to start anything.
"You scared of touching me?" He asked when I worked carefully around his balls and soaped instead his inner thighs.
"Nope ... just have to be careful and cautious...."
He took my hand and put it on his prick. I wrapped my fingers around his swollen prong, letting the heat penetrate, then stroked him once up and down and withdrew.
"That really felt nice, why did you stop?"
"Because...." And I smiled my best smile. I didn't know whether this dude was going to pay me anything or just sit around making strange passes.
"Get into the tub with me...."
"I can't...." And I let my hand graze the lower portion of his swollen nuts. He smiled, then closed his thighs around my hand and held it there.
"C'mon, Marlene ... you're very beautiful...."
"I'm sorry," I repeated, pulling my hand away with some difficulty, "but we're not allowed to do those kinds of things."
He put his hand on my leg then moved it up along my hip until he had the toga pulled all the way up above my breast.
"Incredible body ... absolutely...."
I let him touch my tit, and he worked at the nipple with a kind of feverish excitement that told me it had been a long time for him. I leaned over the tub and let him put his mouth to mv nipple, and he took the bud and clenched his teeth gently around it. I have to admit that he was very kind and easy going about the whole thing. He was just a horny dude who couldn't find himself anyone to do it with.
"Easy baby...." I moaned, finding myself getting turned on and knowing that it was highly unprofessional of me.
"There's a hundred dollar bill in my coat pocket ... go get it, then come into the tub with me...."
I debated with myself for a moment then decided that his was an offer I couldn't refuse. I would make that much money in this place in a week, and if I took his hundred, I would be able to quit and go look for my father. In the coat pocket, there was, indeed, a hundred dollar bill. I put the money into the lining of my jeans and went back into the bathroom.
"Everything okay?" He asked, smiling broadly.
"Just fine...." I stood above him and pulled the toga over my head. When I was naked, I walked to the edge of the tub and pushed myself out to him.
He reached around the back of me and pulled my buttocks towards him. My pubis was right there at his face, and he examined every inch of me there as if he had never seen a cunt before.
"You're gorgeous there...." He brought his hand up between my legs and let his fingers play at my moist lips. I was getting hot, and the heat from the bath combined with mine to make it almost unbearable.
He put his mouth to me and licked me up and down in my crack. I put one leg up on the side of the tub and held his hungry mouth against my wide open vagina.
"Ohhhh ... yes...." I moaned, really meaning it and really wanting him to go as far as he could into me with his tongue. He played at my clit for a while, twirling that erect little bud around and around. But I wanted him inside, I wanted him to pull my lips apart and dive deep inside my vagina where the warm juices now flowed.
"Eat me inside ... please...." I pulled myself open for him. He looked up at me and smiled, then put his lips to those lips which existed there between my legs. He stroked me wildly, and then pushed his tongue far up inside. I wanted him deeper, and stretched myself so that I was opening everything to his throbbing tongue.
He was driving me there, and I was feeling that same kind of frustration which I had felt during the shooting session at Burt's. It was driving me wild, sending chills and shivers throughout my body, making my breasts ache with desire and resulting in my head spinning with the total feeling of everything.
But as I had done at Burt's, I reached a point where nothing more could be tolerated. I didn't scream this time, but pulled myself away from his hungry mouth.
"Now," I said, seeing the disappointment in his eyes, "it's your turn. You've already done me in fine."
"Okay ... I'll just lay back here and let you play...."
He rec-lined in the tub. His pink cock lay back against his belly waiting to be taken.
"Alright," I whispered, rubbing his heated forehead and letting him play with my breasts, "now we'll see how you come...."
I washed him down again. But this time I did not stop where I had before. I brought my hand up between his thighs and held his balls lightly. He moaned.
"Quiet!" I warned, not wanting anyone to hear from the outside.
"I can't help it...." he smiled sheepishly.
"I'll try to be more careful...."
I knelt down over the edge of the tub and pulled his legs apart. I moved my tongue in slow, careful circles up the inside of his thighs. Then I stabbed at his balls, one at a time, and let my tongue make the journey up between them and onto the ridge that made its way up the underside of his meat.
"Oh yea...." He was writhing and twisting in the tub. I could feel him throbbing, his cock pulsating with the future explosion that would take place.
When I finally held his hardened, swollen staff against my lips he was on the verge of complete breakdown. His eyes were opening and closing as though he had lost all control.
"Just take it easy, Mr. Hobbs, everything will come out alright....".
I moved his bulbous head against my lips, barely opening them and allowing him to penetrate. Each time I passed his swollen member against the center of my mouth I would take a quick stab at it with my tongue.
It was the first time I had really given a blow job. Except for that dude on the beach, of course, I had never come this close before, As I swallowed his aching prick, that pink rod that seemed alive all by itself, I really realized just how much a girl who knew her stuff could turn a man on.
This thought became very prominent as I sucked and pulled on his penis. I began to realize that for some reason I was readying myself for something, some act that would allow me to use all of my newfound talents for something other than just pure sex. What that thing or adventure would be would become quite clear to me within the next few days.
I felt the throbbing in his prong as he began shooting his stuff into my mouth. I held him in side and swallowed it all. When he had finally finished, I licked him off gently and slowly.
"How was it?" I asked, drying him off with a small airhose that was supposedly part of the special treatment in the parlour.
"You really are a pro ... I don't think I've ever been made to come as good as that."
"Have you had that done by many other girls?" I was curious, interested to see if my preparation was paying off, if I was getting good at the only art which a woman can ever really master.
"Plenty. I was overseas for a while ... you know, in the army, and you have 'em all beat by a mile."
I was so happy to hear it, so contented with myself that I was able to compete. I knew I was good because I could feel it, I could sense the movements and rhythms of others.
"I can't pay you any more," He said, when I held his member and moved it to another erection.
"Don't worry about it," I said, jacking him off slowly and evenly, "I just wanted to thank you for the compliment."
He was shocked, but happily so. He fondled my breasts delicately while I held his penis outwards and played my little tune on it.
"Would you make love with me?"
"No." And that was that. I couldn't, and he saw that I was serious so he settled for my hand job. When he came for the second time in an hour, he seemed to shoot his load with more force than he had the first time. This he attributed later as we both dressed to my expertise.
"Marlene, could I see you a minute?" Martha stood in the doorway. She looked angry. I was still naked, and I had Mr. Hobbs' penis in my hand.
"Excuse me...."
"Listen baby," Martha began, "this place is right on the edge of the law, if you know what I mean. There are certain practices which we cannot tolerate here, especially being naked with a customer."
"But I thought...."
"You're not paid to think, Marlene, just to give massages and that's it!"
I was getting annoyed. I had kind of enjoyed my session with Mr. Hobbs, and I didn't like the restraints Martha was trying to put upon my work.
I quit that very minute and walked out the front door with the hundred dollars in my pocket from Mr. Hobbs. To my surprise, he was standing outside waiting for me.
"I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble."
"That's alright ... I'll get another job...."
But Mr. Hobbs was pretty persistent. He wanted me to come home with him. But I knew if I did that then I would be called upon to make love with him. And that was one thing which I couldn't do ... yet.
After about a half hour of debate over coffee and donuts, Mr. Hobbs finally gave up. He gave me his calling card after he left, he obviously wasn't as young as he looked. He worked as a private investigator.
"Oh Mr. Hobbs?"
He turned just as he was leaving the restaurant. I made a deal with him right then and there.
If he could help me find my father then I would spend one weekend with him in Big Sur. He was more than agreeable, and told me he would have the address and place of business of my father before that weekend. It was already Wednesday.
I waited in my apartment, amusing myself with the television shows, for twenty-four hours. I had begun to wonder if maybe I wasn't foolish in thinking that Mr. Hobbs would perform for me. But he did seem to really want me, and he did agree to do the thing for me. There was no reason to think that he wouldn't.
And then, about six o'clock the next morning, the phone rang. I leaped to answer it and almost broke my legs stumbling over the marble coffee table.
"Marlene," It was Hobbs, his voice was happy. I knew that he had succeeded. "I've found him. He works for Universal Insurance down on Wilshire. Suite 420 ... in their building. Today being Thursday, he should be coming to work in another hour or so. You want a ride down there?"
I told him that I would rather go alone. And then I told him that as soon as I had seen what I needed to see that I would call him. He didn't believe me.
"Listen," He said, "if you don't, don't get bugged. I'll be around, anyway. Even if it's for dinner."
I made up my mind that I would keep my end of the bargain.
The ride in the cab down to the financial section was the most nerve-racking ride I had ever taken. The freeways were jammed, and we crawled along for what seemed like hours. Finally, though, the Wilshire skyscrapers loomed above us and we were there. I paid the cabbie and walked out into the morning sun.
All around me people were bustling into the huge buildings. They were all well dressed and very efficient looking. I tried to imagine what my father would look like but couldn't.
The building which housed his offices was one of the tallest. Its glass windows reflected the morning brightness like a giant mirror. I entered the lobby, getting strange looks from the people, and took an elevator to the fourth floor.
At the end of the plush hallway was a fine, oak door with large golden lettering. There, at the top of the list, was my own father's name! My heart began beating wildly. Except for the certainty of Hobbs' investigation, this was the first real object that confirmed the existence of him. After those long years with my mother always denying the fact that he even was alive, it was very strange to be standing just outside his office where, during all the years that I had been growing up, he had been working.
"I'd like to see Mr. M., please...."
The receptionist was a very beautiful girl. She had large breasts that she barely kept covered with a see-through blouse. Her eyes were blue, and her hair long and well kept. Suddenly, I wished that I had taken my money and bought some clothes and gotten a beauty treatment before coming to see him.
"Who shall I say is calling?"
"Tell him it's his daughter...."
This shocked her. She looked me up and down like I was some kind of freak.
"Mr. M., there's a young lady out here who wants to see you. She claims to be your daughter!"
"What!!!" I could hear his voice bellowing through the office intercom. It was low-pitched, everything I had always thought it would be.
When we met each other, we both stood apart and just stared. He was very good-looking, and his hair had turned grey so he seemed really distinguished. I hadn't counted on him being as happy to see me as he was. It was an incredible reunion.
I hung around the office all day. Daddy sent me out with a couple of hundred dollars to get some clothes, and when I returned, everyone in the office congratulated me on my appearance. It was the happiest day of my life. And after work, we went out to a very fancy restaurant.
"Daddy," I asked when we had finished eating, "why did you leave mom?"
"I didn't."
"She's always said that...."
"Never mind what she had told you about me," he interrupted, "that was never true. She was having an affair with a friend of mine. When I found out about it, I was angry. I hit her. She turned around and sued me for assault and battery, got her father to handle the whole thing and basically threw me out of my own life...."
I wasn't surprised to hear any of this. I had always suspected that something strange had taken place between my mother and father. And I had always felt that maybe my mother had been the real heavy and not my father like she always claimed.
"I'm glad to see that you've grown up enough to seek out the truth. It must have been difficult for you...." He patted me on the head as though I was a little girl. I took his hand and held it against my stomach. His touch, the smell of his cologne, everything was exciting to me.
"It must have been harder for you." And when we walked out of the restaurant, he took my hand and held it as though I were his lady for the evening.
Daddy lived in a groovy penthouse apartment at the top of a twenty story building on Sunset. The inside was just as I had pictured it. There was a stereo, abstract paintings, a round bed and mirrors all over the place. He was obviously a real swinging bachelor.
"You can sleep in the bed, Marlene, I'll sleep here on the couch...."
The bed and the couch were in the same room. I undressed while he showered, didn't bother to put on my nightgown and climbed into bed. The cool sheets felt exciting against my naked skin, and I soon found myself trembling with nerves and tension.
"Well, well," He said, emerging from the shower wearing his silk robe, "you certainly have grown up!"
I held the sheets up to my neck. I wanted to drop them, to expose my aching breasts to him and let his eyes roam all over my body. But I couldn't, not yet anyway.
"Sleep well, Marlene ... tomorrow we'll do the town together, okay?"
"Alright, daddy. But aren't you going to even kiss me goodnight?"
"Of course ... of course...." As I watched him approach the bed I knew that my chance had come. Something' inside me was taking over and there was no more controlling it. I dropped the sheet to my waist and watched his eyes fall upon my hardened tits.
"Oooops! How clumsy of me!" I was slow to bring the sheet back up again.
"You always sleep like that?"
"Yes," I replied, trying to figure out what to do next, "I started back home when things got dull. It was always boring there."
"Well," he laughed, sitting down on the edge of the bed, "I'll have to agree with you there."
I let the sheet fall again. "You don't mind, do you? I've become kind of a nudist lately ... it's much more natural."
"Uh, okay ... go ahead if you like...."
"Great!" And then I pushed all the covers off and jumped out of them. I was naked, and my vagina was already creaming with sexual excitement.
"You are daring, aren't you?"
"It's so much better this way. Do I have a nice body?"
I was feeling so spontaneous, so free of everything. It was like some kind of ultimate dream and I was in the center of it. Everything had directed itself towards this moment for such a long time, and now that it was here it was better than I had ever expected it to be.
As I lay back on the bed, I could feel my father's eyes traveling up and down my body. My nipples ached to be touched, and my cunt seethed with the warmth that had developed there.
"Marlene ... what are you doing?"
"I want you to make love with me."
"I can't...."
"Yes, you can...."
He was shaking. I took his hand and placed it on my breast. At first, his fingers wouldn't move, but soon he was rubbing my nipples, making them ache even more than they had been.
"Oh yes, daddy...." I moaned, writhing naked on the bed. He seemed to get more into what was happening, and his hands began moving quickly over my two mounds. I knew that I was getting him, that finally he was making it with me.
I felt inside his robe. His thighs were strong and firm. I moved my hand up between them and he spread his legs to allow me access. His balls hung down like two, large sacs. They were warm and big and he groaned when I moved one against the other. Then I took his penis and began moving my hand up and down his warm length.
"Oh, Marlene ... this just isn't right...." But his words were not making sense as compared to what we were both feeling. There was a tremendous surge happening between us, a shot of energy that was impossible to deny.
I pulled open his robe all the way and he helped me as I pulled it from his shoulders. I leaned over his stomach and took his penis into my mouth. I glided my lips over the entire surface of him, wetting him with my tongue as I went. He was long, thick and hard ... and his meat throbbed violently in my mouth.
"Oh yes, baby ... do it ... do it ... "
He had hold of both of my breasts and was working them hard. Finally, I pulled away from his cock and resumed my original position on the bed.
"Okay, daddy, now take me!"
He stroked my body, then rested the palm of his hand on my hot mound. I opened my legs, and his fingers worked their way inside my crack and down into my vagina.
It was an excruciating pain that I felt as he moved his hands back and forth along me. My lips down there seemed to throb and ache with an energy that was completely devoid of the rest of my body. It was as though my vagina was coming alive, was exploding into its own secret universe.
When he bent down between my legs I wasn't sure if I could take it. He kissed my legs, then my thighs, then pushed his mouth between my legs. I spread myself as wide as possible and he began licking me. His tongue worked fast and smoothly, he had obviously done this many times before.
"Ooooh ... daddy ... eat me ... eat me...." The words sounded good, they meant something to me because I realized that for years I had been dreaming about this moment.
The sound of him sucking on my cunt, taking my juices into his mouth made me even more excited. He tried to take everything, tried to suck all the wetness from between my legs into his mouth. And I wanted to give him everything I had.
Then he found my clit and pushed aside the skin around it to get to it ... He stabbed at it with his tongue, then drove the small erect bud around and around. By this time, I was arching myself high, thrusting my belly into his mouth with all the strength that remained to me.
"Fuck me ... put it inside me ... hurry!!!" I was screaming, loud enough for anyone who cared to to hear what I was ordering. Daddy pulled himself away from my vagina and we kissed long and hard. As our tongues melted into one another's, I could feel his hot staff resting against my stomach. It seemed so big and hot, so ready to invade my loins that I could not wait any longer. I reached down between our stomachs and held his cock in my hand. When he lifted himself, I directed the head of his steaming prong towards my hole. Gently, but with a great amount of pain, his thing pushed aside my tender : lips and invaded my vagina.
"Oh God ... Oh God...." I was in pain. Every inch he pushed himself into me gave me another shot of pain that I though would make me faint. The ultimate feeling was unbearable, as though my entire body was being split into two, separate halves.
When he finally had gotten himself in all the way, he stopped and rested. I could not move, but only lay there with his huge meat resting inside me.
"Why?" He asked me breathlessly.
"Because I never knew you. I wanted to know you the best way that two people can ever know one another...."
I was serious. The words seemed to come from deep inside. And then he smiled, kissed me and began pumping.
We started very slowly, and his prick moved like a giant snake in and out. Each time, I thrust myself up to meet him and soon our bellies were slapping hard against one another's.
"Ahhhh!!!!" I cried when I felt myself finally reach that place. My body began to shudder, the blood seemed to spurt from within me and everything that was me flew from within my frame and went outwards to reach him. I felt his prick throbbing wildly inside, the hot semen shooting towards the far reaches of my own vagina.
We had both come better than we would ever come again in our lives. As we rested afterwards, we both knew that there was no reason to try it again, that with another attempt we could only fail to reach the heights we had reached the first time.
The next morning I came out of the shower, wearing only a skimpy little towel wrapped around me, and saw her standing in the living room. She was tall, elegant and had fiery red hair. Daddy seemed real embarrassed about my being there.
"Marlene ... I'd like you to meet Elaine...."
The tall woman nodded then looked to daddy for an explanation. "She's my daughter...."
"Oh," said the woman, now smiling, but still somewhat uptight about the fact that I was naked beneath the towel.
I went over to daddy later, when Elaine had run down to pick up some food. "I'm leaving," I said.
"But Marlene ... !"
"Daddy, I've gotten what I came for, I know that you love me, and that you always will. If I stay here, I'll just complicate things for you...."
He gave me some money and we said good-bye. I was right and there was no denying that. We made a secret pact with each other that we would meet each year on the same night that we had first made love to each other. I could tell that he was serious about the agreement, I certainly was.
I called Hobbs from a phone booth downstairs and within an hour we would be speeding towards Big Sur. We would make love all weekend and later I would move into his apartment with him. I still live with him, and we are very happy with our two dogs and three cats.
But I know that in a year, when that time comes again, I will wander away for a few days. During that time, I will commit once again that most sinful of all actions ... I will make love with my own father.
SUMMARY
Marlene's case demonstrates how children who have been neglected the opportunity of one parent's love may go to extremes in seeking a way of claiming that love at a later time. With Marlene, she used the warnings and puritanical mind of her mother as a catalyst in her methods.
Marlene's mother forbid the young girl to participate in sex. Through the constant denial of the existence of her own husband, the mother set herself up as a woman who was almost capable of bearing a child without the presence of a man ... even during conception. This attitude or myth may have religious overtones, and an investigation into Marlene's mother's background would reveal that certain religious beliefs did, in fact, influence her own storytelling.
In her search for the truth, Marlene had to go against the warnings and words of her mother. In order to do this, she had to turn herself into a complete sexual experimentist. She had to try everything and anything, seeking always to get closer to the reality and farther away from the falsehoods of her mother.
Using the sexual permissiveness that exists all around us today, Marlene found it easy to break through the sexual mythology that had been established inside her by her mother. Once having broken through this barrier, then, she was able to confront her father and to face the truth there.
The sexual coupling between herself and her own father was the result of Marlene's genuine need to claim her love for him in the one way which her mother obviously could not have done. This was by using sex. Anything else would have been a direct replay of her mother's games, and would have failed as a communicative act. Instinctively, Marlene knew this, and this saved herself for her father.
The seduction of her father was made possible by her desperate need. Her father must have sensed this in his daughter and allowed himself to be seduced. Freudians, also, claim that there is little in the human arena of the erotic that matches the sensual attraction which a little girl provides for her own father. There is no doubt that this factor added much to the eventual lovemaking of the father and daughter in this case.
This case provides us with a sexual odyssey in which the ending is a happy one. Both people found themselves able to complete a cycle which had long ago been broken. And, after the completion of this cycle, they were both able to resume their normal lives with normal sexual partners.
Whether or not the promise to meet each year on the date of their original coupling will affect either party remains to be seen. After speaking with Marlene at length concerning the potential of such meetings, I came away with the feeling that she is a girl who knows exactly what she is doing. She knew that she would have to go to extremes to free herself from her past, and now she believes that these extremes will have to be met at least once a year in order to preserve their potency. Although Marlene had established strange and unorthodox rules for her own life, one must marvel at the way they have worked for her. It seems that she is one girl who is capable of handling herself in that twilight sky where normal sexual practices are non-existent and the forbidden acts of those with strange needs are practiced.
CHAPTER SIX
Steven J. is a thirty-year old mechanic working in a small coastal town North of Los Angeles. His manner is easy and uninvolved. He is quick to smile at a joke and the first to correct a misunderstanding. His genuinely civilized attitudes and actions, however, were met with an extreme situation which finally drove him into the offices of psychiatrists and other professionals of the mind.
Steven had married young. His wife and himself were both sixteen when married, and one year later they had their first child. The child's name was Elaine, and she was destined to change both of their lives.
Elaine became a burden on Steven's wife and soon came to represent to the young woman a 'threat' to her life and freedom. In anticipation of the women's liberation movement, Steven's wife took the money and left. With a sly grin, Steve will tell you that she wanted her freedom but now is entrapped in a horrendous situation with a wealthy manufacturer in New York City.
The life that Steve lived after the separation is what we shall concern ourselves with here. His growing relationship with his daughter provides us with the central theme, and the eventual result of this relationship is the major thrust of Steven's statement.
Using the tape recorder, I was able to elicit an in-depth story from Steven, going into intimate detail about the developing relationship with his daughter, Elaine.
I suppose I could see it coming from the time Elaine was a little girl. There was something different about her, something that demanded attention and love. She would go to any extremes to secure those things, and I guess what has come to pass represents nothing more than an extension of those desires.
For years after my wife left, Elaine and I lived in a kind of simplified harmony. She was a good girl, but sometimes bent on pranks and mischief. But, she was still my daughter and always acted in the manner. Then, when she started grammar school I started noticing changes in her ... ways of behavior that should have given a clue as to what was coming.
When Elaine was about eight years old, it began. She was a striking little girl. Her hair was light brown, and her eyes were a wild kind of blue. Sometimes, she would look at me and those eyes would penetrate beyond myself, as though she was seeing something else. But she was a beautiful child, and her beauty was a factor.
One day, I was taking a shower. I thought that Elaine had gone over to her girlfriend's house to play so I wasn't too careful about closing the bathroom door. But all the time I was showering, Elaine was standing at the edge of the curtain peeking in. Her eyes were wide, and there was no doubt that my prick held some fascination for her.
"Could I come in there with you?"
I didn't know what to do, I realized that the implications were in my mind alone so I told her that it was alright.
It was kind of exciting being naked with her. Her shiny little body didn't show any signs of womanhood, and all there was really to distinguish her from a boy was the fine little slit that ran up from between her legs. But even though physically she wasn't a woman, there was something that was incredibly feminine about her.
"Let me wash you...." She took the bar of soap and reached up to my chest and began soaping me. I remember becoming nervous because her arms kept grazing my penis, and I knew that if the scene continued that I would have an erection.
Then, almost as though she was reading my fears, she brought the soap down my belly and began washing my pubic hair. She touched the base of my stem, then took all of it into her hand.
"Elaine!" I screamed, feeling panic surge through me as I tried everything I knew to keep myself from getting hard.
"What's wrong, daddy ... I'm just washing you...."
I would come to know the innocent language, the wide-open eyes as a sign of mischief. She had learned to use these weapons well, and almost everybody was powerless before them.
She continued to wash me and I grew hard. There was no reaction when finally my penis stood out hard and straight. She just kept washing it as though nothing was happening.
But I was trembling. The sexual excitement of the moment was intense. It was a strange feeling to have her inadvertently jacking me off, her small hands running up and down the length of my hot skin. Finally, though, I had to pull her away. The last thing I wanted to do was to come.
That was the first episode of this kind that I experienced with Elaine. It started me thinking, and I realized that if I was to raise a normal daughter, I would have to make myself strong with her and never allow to happen what had happened that day in the shower. The only way I knew how to accomplish this was to get myself a woman who would satisfy me continually so that I could deal with Elaine on a more normal basis.
The woman who caught my eye was a widow who was a little older than myself living by herself in a remote cabin in the hills behind the town. I had seen her many times drive into town, stop at the store for supplies then head back up into the mountains to preserve her private hermitage. I decided that I would pay her a visit and see if maybe I could get something started between us.
I drove the ten miles over dirt roads and then reached a dead end. I knew she lived back here, because hers was the only house around. I parked the car and started back into the dense forest on foot.
It was a warm day, and there was little wind. The sun beat down through the tall trees in heated shafts, and by the time I reached the edge of her property I had stripped to the waist.
I crept like an Indian around the perimeter of the one bedroom cabin, looking for some sign of life. When I reached the rear area of the house, I found it.
She was laying on a blanket. Her legs were spread just slightly, and her large, melon shaped breasts rose and heaved with her slow breathing. I had expected a lot of things on my voyage to her home, but the last thing I had expected to find was Germaine sunbathing in-the nude!
I sat down on a rock and tried to work things out. I knew if I approached her from out of nowhere that she would frighten and that would be the end of that. I thought of going back into town and trying to call her, then remembered that she didn't have a telephone. I knew that she knew who I was, I had done work on her car many times. There was only one way to solve the problem. I walked back into the woods and called out her name as though it was my initial approach.
"Germaine!"
No answer.
"Germaine ... !" I imagined her running naked into the house and pulling on clothing over that luscious body of hers. I was sorry that I had not approached her on first sight.
"Steven ... !!!" Her voice echoed from the rear of the house. She knew who I was by the sound of my voice, or was watching me from some secluded look-out.
I followed her calls. When I turned the corner at the rear of the house, I realized that I had taken the proper tact.
"Why hello!" She seemed very happy to see me. She was still naked and made no attempt to cover herself. Her long, black hair hung over her tits, and her black, silken vagina was spread somewhat because of the cross-legged style in which she was sitting.
I mumbled something about driving through the woods and getting lost. Germaine laughed, and then lay back, bringing her knees high and keeping her thighs close together.
"You mean", she said, toying with the high grass next to her blanket, "that you didn't want to see me?"
"Yes," I admitted, feeling myself growing hard, "I guess I did want to see you...."
"And this?"
She let her knees fall apart. I was staring right down between them at her pink crack. She was big there, the lips seemed larger than most women's. I wanted inside.
"You don't waste time!"
"I can't," she replied, pulling her legs back together, "it gets pretty lonely up here all by myself...."
As I sat down next to her, she took my hand and glided it up between her legs. When my fingers reached her honey-pot, she closed her thighs around me. She was warm and moist, ready for action.
"Feel good?"
"Yeah...." And then she slid her hand up between my legs and touched my balls. She felt around until she worked my stem free of the bonds of my pants and rode her fingers up and down the length.
"You feel pretty good, too." And then she grew very serious, her eyes became cloudy and she looked worried.
"What's the matter?" I asked, pulling my hand from between her thighs.
"It's just this...."
"What do you mean ... ?"
"Well," she began, sitting up and facing me squarely. I wanted to reach out and take her breast, but this was not the time for that. "I live up here alone. I mean, I'm totally free. I can run around naked, I can fuck anyone who comes along and there's no one who gives a shit. I just want to make sure it stays that way between-us. My body is yours if you want to use it, but the rest of me remains mine, alright?"
She was a strange woman. There was something almost spiritual about her, an element that seemed to emanate from within her shining blue eyes. I agreed to her terms because they fit mine, but my motivations were of a far different nature than were hers.
"Good," she said after I voiced my approval, "now let's fuck the afternoon away ...."
She was at my zipper before I had a chance even to stretch out beside her. In another moment, she had my prick in her hands and was working the organ slowly and gently.
"I'm glad you came," she whispered as her eyes followed her hands, "the men in town are afraid of me. They never come up here. Too bad, they could all have me if they just tried."
She had been a legend of sorts in the small town. A woman who had reverted to animalistic styles of life, a witch of the highest order. But, as I discovered that day, she was none of those things.
"Take off your clothes...."
I stood up and stripped. When I was naked, she wrapped her arms around my legs and kissed the tip of my penis. She licked me there, then went underneath and scorched the underside of my prick all the way to the base. When she reached the end, she took the bulk of me inside her mouth.
She sucked hard and long on me, pulling her lips along my hot skin and drawing my prick far into her mouth. She was a slow worker, she made every movement count. I found her delicious.
When she finally pulled off, I pushed her back onto the blanket. She lay back quietly, spreading her legs and pulling my head in towards her cunt.
She was hot and wet. Her skin throbbed with juices, and there were strains of heat flowing from her that were warmer than the afternoon sun. I licked at her crack, riding up and down the soft tissues of her vagina. Her clit was erect and large, larger than any woman's I had ever seen. I took the bud between my teeth and bit down. Germaine screamed and threw her pelvis high into the air.
"Oh baby ... you've found my secret!!!" She cried as I continued to bite down on her magical pearl.
Her thighs were wrapped tightly around my head, she seemed eager to pull me all the way inside her. She was a wild animal, thrusting and twisting with complete abandonment. There was no end to the pleasure that she would demonstrate. I had never known a woman so full of passion as this one.
I finally pulled away from her seething cunt and hovered above her. My prick found the hole without any trouble and I was soon floating inside her warm depths, trying to reach the end of her.
She wrapped her legs around my back and pulled me tightly into her. She was wide open, completely accessible without any concern for her modesty. She wanted to get as much as possible from me, and there were no limits to the things she would do to get this.
When I came, I heard her moan. It was a disappointing cry, and I figured that I hadn't lasted long enough. She lowered her legs and let them fall apart on either side of my body.
"Again?" She asked, her eyes on fire and her breath warm and husky.
"In a sec...."
"Okay. But don't move ... please."
She wanted me between her legs. She closed her thighs around my penis and held me there. There was no way that I could pull myself free.
Finally, after a few minutes of relaxation, I grew hard again. When she felt my meat growing inside herself, she smiled.
"You're good...."
And then we began again. This time, the movements were less frantic and more evenly paced. Her thrusts were slow and grinding, and our bones in the pelvic region clashed with every movement.
But the fury of the first time had died down. And with it, her seemingly uncontrollable passion. Now, she was working steadily towards her end, grinding evenly into a sought after place. I worked smoothly with her and then let her do the moving when I felt her vagina begin to tighten and throb.
"Oh ... please ... easy ... go, go, go!!!"
She came softly, like a small deer crying in the forest. Her body shuddered, then fell back into a peaceful state of rest. I lay on top of her for over an hour, listening to the wind as it made its journey through the fragrant pines all around us.
The afternoon with Germaine, the establishment of our agreement not to get involved served the purpose which I had been seeking. When I arrived home that night, I felt much better about my life and my daughter. I knew that now I would be able to resist any and all advances made upon me by my daughter, and that I would be able to resume my role as a father ... and nothing more.
Four years passed and nothing much happened. Elaine was blooming into a fine looking girl. Her breasts were small and pointed and added a great deal of charm to her small, boyish figure. But there was no doubt that she was turning into a very sexy woman. The relationship with Germaine had allowed me to think more freely about my own daughter, and at that time I secretly envied the lucky bastard who would eventually marry Elaine.
During this period of time, I saw what appeared to be good changes in Elaine. She was turning into a lady. Those wild moments that had existed before were now only memory. My hopes for the future were always brightening.
The best times spent during those years were with Germaine. I enjoyed her sense of freedom, and her complete lack of modesty about herself. Afternoons, I would drive up to her place and find her walking the woods wearing only her smile. She looked beautiful in the nude, had a full and natural body. She seemed perfect for her surroundings, a feat that many women never quite achieve.
Many times, I would watch her ride her horse. She would ride him naked, and her breasts would move evenly and with grace as the horse galloped through the forest. When she returned from those outings, her cunt was always teeming with her own juices. She would tell me how she got herself off, the feeling of having a pulsating animal between her naked thighs always worked for her and she enjoyed it.
They were good days. But now, after what has happened, I realize what I was doing. At home, with my own daughter, I was trying to raise a perfect little lady. I wouldn't allow Elaine to wear her bikini around the house or to walk around in bra and panties like she enjoyed doing. But once I left that house, I would seek the open naturalness of Germaine. Her nakedness, which was almost constant, plus her unchecked enjoyment of sex were things that I prized highly in her. I had, then, established a duality for myself. My hypocritical scene, though, was soon to be discovered by my daughter. And that would be th catalyst that changed everything.
One evening, when Elaine was thirteen, I came home late from Germaine's. Elaine was waiting up for me in the living room. She wore a tee shirt, and little else. Her long, smooth legs were tucked up underneath her, and the bottom of the shirt was putted high across her tight little ass. She was a beautiful sight, but one that inspired fear in me.
"Elaine," I shouted, angered by her sudden breaking of my rules, "I've told you never to dress like that!"
"Yes, daddy." And then she got up and walked around the living room. Her breasts were bouncing beneath the shirt, and her nipples protruded openly against the thin fabric. She was showing herself off to me, being deliberately belligerent.
"Stop that, Elaine...."
"Stop what?" She turned to me with those open blue eyes of hers and smiled coyly. She knew exactly what she was doing, and was getting some kind of charge from doing it.
"You know very well what I mean, young lady!"
Then she sat down across from me. She let her legs dangle out in front of her, and the hem of the shirt was just above the line of her pubic hair. She was wide open, and her pink crack stared me right in the face.
"Why is it all right for that witch in the mountains to ride her horse naked? How come both of you sit around out there in the nude, feeling each other up? Huh, why is that okay?"
She had been to the cabin. She had seen Germaine and myself fucking and sucking and doing everything else that I so desperately wanted to protect Elaine from. Now, the truth of my little game emerged, and there was very little defense that I could muster. But I gave it my best.
"Germaine," I said, directing my eyes into hers so that I would not be peering up between her slender thighs, "we are two consenting adults. Whatever we do it is because we are old enough to realize the consequences of our actions. You, on the other hand, do not understand the implications of human passion...."
I was pleased with my little speech. I could see that she was a little surprised by it. She had never heard me speak with such zeal.
"Daddy ... look at me, I'm old enough for that, aren't I?"
I was afraid of what was coming. She stood up in front of me and lifted her shirt. Her small little pubis looked gorgeous and threatening at the same time. Her cunt hairs were thinly moulded and gave visual access to almost all of her crack. There was the little girl with the pink, shiny slit and the surrounding bush that would turn her into a woman.
"Goddammit, Elaine ... all girls go through what you're going through! It just takes time ... "
"Oh, fuck you!"
She ran into her room. She was angry with me because I had turned her down. She had lifted her shirt for me, had exposed that very delicate and new part of her to my eyes and all I had done was to yell at her. I was very confused at that moment. I remember wishing that she had a mother, someone who could explain the details of what was happening to her body. I felt that if that happened, then maybe the whole situation could be cleared up. I decided to try Germaine, to see if she would help me out.
Germaine was more than willing to help. I drove Elaine up to her cabin on a warm, summer afternoon. When the two met, I felt very much out of place. They seemed very much alike, as though they had known each other for a long time. Being the perfect gentleman, I decided it better if I was not present and took a long walk in the woods.
"We had a wonderful time!" Germaine said happily when I returned three hours later.
But Elaine was strangely subdued. I took her silence as a sign that she had grown sober, that Germaine had told her the facts of life and these details had impressed her into a new attitude towards herself and towards me. It wasn't until we were halfway down the mountains that Elaine began to tell me about what had happened.
"I'm not really sure...." She answered. I had asked her why she was crying. Tears had been flowing down her cheeks from the moment we had started home.
"C'mon Elaine," I begged, not knowing how to handle her when she cried, "you can tell me. Maybe there's something we can all learn from this."
"Well," she began, staring at the floor of the car, "it was awful."
"Awful! I thought you two had a good time?"
"She did. I guess she digs that kind of thing."
"What kind of thing, Elaine? Tell me every thing. What happened when I left you two alone?"
I was beginning to feel panic. I realized that after all the time I had spent with Germaine, there was still something about her that always eluded me. She was too wild, too open and free. She was an escape valve for me, and now I had included my daughter in that scene. I hadn't realized just how far I had gone.
"After you left...." She was having trouble, and she was genuinely upset. "We went into the house. She took off her robe that she was wearing and walked around naked."
"She always does that, Elaine, it's part of her scene...."
But I knew that making herself naked in front of my daughter was not necessary. She could have talked with her just as easily with clothes on as without. I suddenly began developing an extreme dislike for Germaine and her ways.
"I guess," Elaine agreed. "But she said that she liked to be naked and that there was something special about the naked female body and that communion with nature is possible only when there are no clothes."
"I see ... go on...."
"Well, then, she asked me to take off my clothes. She said that we should begin our talk with a firm understanding of what we were talking about."
"And did you ... I mean, take off your clothes?"
"Yes...."
I was beginning to see the picture. Germaine was a pleasure freak, anything and everything would do for her. I remembered those afternoons watching her with her horse, stroking herself against the animal's rough hide and wondering what else she did to get her kicks. I was beginning to find out.
"When we were both naked, she started showing me all the parts of her body. She made me touch her nipples ... and then, she made me lick them and squeeze them. She told me that only through applying the pleasure practices to others would we know how to give ourselves good feelings...."
I could see that Elaine was trembling. The experience was obviously one she had not counted
"And then after that, she did the same thing to me. Then, she made me lay down on the couch and spread my legs apart. She got between them, you know, with her mouth and began sucking on me and licking me there...."
"Didn't she tell you anything at all?"
"Nope. She said everything to be learned could be learned just by doing ... "
I was really getting pissed off. This woman whom I had trusted had taken my daughter and introduced her into the fine art of lovemaking ... only with another woman!
"Daddy," Elaine said after a long silence, "It wasn't what I wanted. I mean, I know I was acting strange with you ... I don't really know why But this was different. She was mean."
The bitch had seduced my daughter. I felt very sorry for Elaine and realized that she was a confused child. Everything that I had done had resulted in this happening to her. I couldn't find a decent way to forgive myself. I was torn up inside, unable to face the problem.
We didn't speak for the rest of the way home. The quiet house was welcomed, and we both fell exhausted onto the couch. I wanted to do something that would make it seem like this thing had never happened. But I couldn't figure out what it was.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, Elaine."
"Do you still love me, even after what I did?"
"Of course I do ... it was a bad thing that happened. It was all my fault!"
"Don't say that ... please, don't say that!"
But I felt that way. Elaine saw that I was disturbed, and she slid across the couch and put her head in my lap. She was like my little girl again.
"Was mommy like Germaine?"
The question was too abrupt to answer properly. There was some truth to it, and I could see in my mind the connection.
"No ... not at all...."
"Then, why did you go to Germaine?"
I tried to be honest with her. I explained that a man needs some relaxation, some escape from the dull routine of everyday life. "Germaine gave me that ... and that was all it ever amounted to."
"Oh."
And she lay still on my lap for a little while longer. Her breathing was slow and even, and I could feel the small bulge of her breasts against my legs. Her body felt young, warm and open.
"What about me? I mean, why can't I do that for you?"
"Do what?"
"What Germaine did...."
It was coming again. There was something that was driving this child, forcing her into a coupling that would be disastrous. I explained to her what the situation was, and how there were certain rules that had to be followed. But she wasn't listening.
She turned her face down into my lap. I wasn't sure at first what she was doing. As it turned out, she was kissing the bulge beneath my slacks where my penis lay in waiting. I couldn't stop her this time, she needed it. I had gone as far as I could, had done everything I thought would help. There were no more solutions.
"Does that feel nice?" She asked, wrapping her lips around the cloth and moving my prick back and forth underneath.
I couldn't answer her any more. I suddenly felt the greatest desire I had ever experienced flood through my being. I wanted her.
Elaine lifted herself and put her mouth to mine. She tasted sweet. Her small tongue pried open my mouth and went inside, like a tiny snake.
She brought her hand up between my thighs and held my balls. Her fingers were light and gentle, and as she stroked me there I grew harder and more tense than I ever had.
It was an uncertain feeling that invaded me at that moment. I couldn't fight back, all I could do was to let her take me. Her hands were all over me, and she was growing hotter with each passing second. Her eyes were clear and expressionless, there was none of the little girl I had known in them.
She pulled her mouth away from mine and fell to the floor in front of the couch. In a quick move, she lifted the tee shirt from her body and was naked from the waist up.
Her breasts were small and firm. Her nipples stood out as tiny rosebuds, strong and pink in their youthfulness. I reached down and took one between my thumb and forefinger and squeezed gently. She moaned.
"This is all I've ever wanted...."
She worked like a busy child at my zipper, completely absorbed in the work of pulling open my trousers and then struggling to get them down across my hips.
"C'mon daddy ... lift yourself!!!"
I ob-eyed. She pulled down my pants and my shorts in one strong tug. Then, she moved her hands slowly up and down my thighs, watching my prick throb between them.
"I remember," she said, breathing hard, "when I was little. You would let me wash it...."
"Yes...."
And then she took my rod and held it up straight. She examined it as though it were some kind of new toy.
Her lips were soft and wet as she placed them around me. Her tongue was moving steadily in and around my hot flesh, and she was barely able to get any of it inside her small mouth.
I stroked her hair, pulling the fine fibers through my fingers and watching them drop along her bare shoulders. She was so young, and everything about her was unused and clean.
She sucked on me hard, pulling her mouth up and down my cock with a strong determination. Finally, she allowed it to flop out of her mouth.
She licked me all around, kissed each of my sacs and then pulled herself up to my lips again.
We kissed long and hard. She invaded my mouth again, poked around my teeth with her finely pointed tongue. She worked quickly and with a certain amount of strange cunning, as though she were an animal from the forest taking apart her prey.
She stripped the remainder of clothing from my body and pushed me back onto the couch. Then, she stripped herself and threw her leg over my chest.
"Do like she did to me...."
She moved her belly up along my chest until her fine little crack was in front of my mouth. She reached down in front of her and pulled the tiny, pink lips apart.
I roamed inside her, tasting her sweet, young juices and sucking on her fragrant skin. She moaned and groaned, throwing her hair in circles above me.
"I want you now," She moaned. Elaine pulled her cunt from my mouth and slid herself backwards along my torso. She rode over my penis and straddled me just behind it.
She held my prick upright against her crack and began moving her belly up and down along its hardened surface. Her breasts were tight and her nipples swollen. Her mouth was partially open, and she seemed to be tonguing herself in the cheeks.
When she had warmed herself up enough, she took the head and placed it between her lips. I was huge compared to her small and unused cunt, and she struggled to get me in between her lips and into her vagina.
"Ahhhhh...." She moaned when finally I began slipping inch by inch into her belly. She placed her hands halfway up my chest and leaned forward. The pain must have been tremendous. Her eyelids were fluttering and mouth hung open as though she were being tortured.
When I finally entered her all the way, she began rocking back and forth. Her body moved gracefully, and she moved quickly. She knew she was getting it, and wanted to make sure she made it before something happened that would disrupt the pleasure.
I felt her tight vagina walls begin to flow in silent, smooth waves. Elaine leaned way back, held herself against me, and rode out her first orgasm. She cooed softly as the feeling surged through her, and then began whistling.
"My God ... oh, daddy...." She cried, pushing my meat into her and moving her thin belly quickly back and forth on top of it. And then, finally, there was silence.
Elaine fell forward in a heap of exhausted flesh. She breathed slowly and evenly, and soon she was toying with the hair around my ears.
"It's just all I ever wanted." She said, letting her tongue explore the inside of my ear.
"Yes, I know...."
And we both fell asleep, holding each other very tight.
SUMMARY
In this case we see the condition which led to the eventual act of incest between father and daughter as one in which Elaine was raised without a mother. Once again, the absence of the mother played a large role in determining the behavior of the child.
In the early days of her childhood, Elaine exhibited the normal interests which a girl has in her father's sexuality. The scene, as told by Steven, in the bathtub was a prime example of this fixation. It is important to note that without a mother, the girl finds herself virtually free of sensual competition and may then attempt any kind of exploration she desires. In other words, the libido is free of the controls which are normally imposed upon it by both parents.
Steven saw the relationship between himself and his daughter as a threatening one. In order to make sure that he would not be subjected to moments of weakness, he found his own sexual outlet and from that established his 'dual code' of behavior.
But during this time, the daughter was also experiencing the need to discover her own sexuality. Being denied this need by the tough standards imposed by Steven, Elaine found herself acting in strange ways.
Steven's solution to his problem evidences the difficulty in establishing and maintaining such a dual code of behavior. He lost sight of the original intention of his code and thus brought his own daughter into the elements which he had sought to protect her from. Thus, the initiation into the act of lesbian love by Germaine provided Steve with the emotional breakthrough that was necessary if his daughter was ever going to be able to seduce him.
After her adventures with Germaine, Elaine found in her father the broken will that she had been looking for. She had committed a taboo act and was therefore not to be protected against such indoctrination. The father's guilt also added much to his inability to fight off his daughter's seduction because he was the one responsible for her affair with Germaine.
Steven tried to play a tricky game with the deep-rooted desires of himself and his daughter. He failed in this attempt because he lost sight of his goals. But the elements which exist in this case are not as tragic as they might have been. Just Steven's initial ability to understand his daughter's motivations and desires will almost certainly help him to gain an equilibrium with her in the future.
CONCLUSION
In this study of incest between fathers and daughters, we have seen a number of situations from which parallels may be drawn. In our attempt to discover some link between sexual actions and environments, we shall take note of those circumstances that apparently added to the motivation and subconscious desires that resulted in incestuous behavior.
In every case included within this volume, one factor has been present. And that is the absence of a mother.
Typically, in the family unit, there exists a tension line between the members which serves to control the needs of the libido. Freud told us that men desire their mothers and daughters harbor tremendous feelings of same for their fathers. In the family where both parents are present, these strong desires are controlled by the strong presence of each parent.
In establishing a sexual communion between each other, the husband and wife are able to establish themselves firmly in their children's minds as belonging to each other. Thus, the incestuous desires which may be present within the children are limited only to the deepest rooted fantasy because there is no opportunity for it to become a fact of reality.
But in the home where the mother is not present, and the small daughter lives without her threatening presence, the chances for incestuous behavior occurring seem to grow heavily.
In each of the cases where the mother was not present, the daughter was able to establish herself as a woman in the eyes of her father. In some cases, she created for herself the same role which the mother would have played had she been present. In others, the daughter became a replacement for the sex-symbol role which the absent wife would have had. In all cases, though, the daughter became a moving factor in establishing herself in a role that would fill the void left by the non-existent mother.
After studying the cases presented in this volume, we can reach some conclusions concerning the breakdown of typical sexual controls and their affect upon deviant behavior. When those controls are destroyed, or rather do not exist due to the fact that the needed participants are absent, there is a large chance that deviant behavior will result. The libido being freed, the actions then emerge into reality.
The sexual attraction between a father and his daughter is classically a strong one. Our society has sought to control it and through this goal has developed a very subtle, very refined method which uses the family unit, with the presence of the wife, as a necessary factor. But today the family unit is disintegrating, and these subtle controls are disappearing. With this situation invading the American scene, there can be no doubt that the rate of formerly tabooed sexual behavior will climb.
It is hoped that this study has provided an insight into incest between fathers and their daughters. As the subtle controls of the past break down, necessitating new perspectives on sexual behavior, it becomes a necessary fact of life that everyone takes it upon him or herself to study and further extend their understanding of the human sexual process.
