"Old habits die slowly. I guess that's the only real explanation for the next week or two. I roamed around the house in a daze, wandering from room to room as if I were hoping to suddenly find myself somewhere. It took me an endless time to calm down and begin to face facts.
"The most obvious fact was the simplest-I'd changed and the change centered on one of the biggest aspects of my life. Sex. I'd been a dreamy doll, a sexless, fantasy loving child in adult garb, lulled into believing I was a gentle, pure female when actually I was something of a medical wonder, a child until I was thirty, unawakened, even after years of marriage.
"Now I was a woman and by accident of nature or by fate itself, my first real introduction to sex was by anal intercourse. Ken had brought me out, made a feeling woman out of me and I frankly wanted more of it. But I also had a deep fear of getting tied down to a man again, as if the same thing might happen all over again and I might discover I'd ended up night after night with bitter disillusionment in bed with me. Besides, I wanted to sample more of life now that I'd briefly tested the waters and found them very much to my liking.
"Ken called often, but I found excuses to avoid him. Then I met Carl, a friend of a friend and started going out with him. Carl was a whole different kind of guy, quiet and on the shy side and I simply didn't know how to push our relationship into sex. Finally, Carl took matters in his own hands and asked me to spend the night with him.
"I was tremendously excited as I prepared for bed after a long evening of dinner and talking over drinks in his apartment. He went out for cigarettes, leaving me to warm the bed. Again I was feeling terribly sexy and free and I was actually looking forward to experiencing sex as it was meant to be, normal sex. There was no chance of my body failing me this time-I watched the calendar carefully these days and I knew that as much as I'd loved what Ken had done to me, I was bound to love straight sex even more, now that I was so turned on.
"After a quick bath I slithered between the sheets, eager for Carl's return. He was a tall, masculine type and I rather hoped he was built more massively than Ken. Fortunately I heard the key in the door soon after I got in bed. I don't know how long I could have stood waiting.
"Carl undressed quickly in the room after greeting me with a kiss. Even in the dim light I could see he was built well, with fine muscles, a trim waist and what promised to be a good-sized prick. I shivered at the prospect of my first aware fucking.
"Once he got started, Carl turned out to be more enthusiastic than I'd ever expected him to be. His hands knew their way around a woman's body and he had me worked up even before his hands touched me between the legs. I was oddly quiet as his fingers gently opened the plump lips of my cunt. It wasn't that what he was doing to me didn't feel good-it was just that I was waiting for that magic moment when all of me would come alive in one burning split-second, when the deep ache would take over and I'd go loose all over.
"I played with his body as he attended to mine, content to wait, feeling unhurried and sort of dreamy. But something failed to really come alive inside me, even though he'd gently begun teasing my clitoris with knowing fingers. I was wet down there, though and I assumed the fire would build once we got down to it. I moaned softly when Carl began sucking my hard nipples in turn, genuinely enjoying the sensation, willing to stretch it if that was the way to get that good feeling all over again.
" 'Are you ready, Marie?' Carl asked, his attractive face and rock-hard prick revealing that he certainly was.
"I hesitated, then nodded. I opened my legs to him, shifting my hips to hold his weight against my belly. The tip of his large cock grazed against my clitoris, then edged down until it reached the moist opening to my womb. I closed my eyes briefly, all but willing myself to swoon as he took me. But it didn't work.
"Nothing happened. Oh, I felt him enter me, felt the hardness of him sink further and further into my tight hole, but nothing really came alive! It was neither uncomfortable nor painful, it just didn't feel all that exciting! I couldn't understand it, not after that night with Ken. And it wasn't Carl himself-he' turned me on sexually about as much as Ken did. Both were simply men with whom I hoped to discover myself. I'd been honest enough about it from the start, with myself, anyway.
"I moved then, swinging my hips with a mechanical lifting and lowering that was entirely too reminiscent of my many nights with Jim. Carl didn't seem terribly aware of my indifference, but I was bitterly upset by my own lack of response. It would have been different if it hadn't been for Ken, or if I hadn't been expecting so much. But now this nothingness was unendurable. I tried to make myself feel, rubbing my breasts against Carl's sweating chest, drawing circles through his wiry hair with my nipples, churning my hips against his as if to build a fire inside myself by friction, if all else failed. When none of that worked I think I went a little crazy, twisting and rocking against him, attempting in some useless, energy-wasting way to force him to excite me more. All it did was urge Carl into a gigantic, explosive orgasm. He grabbed me, drove his cock in and out of my cunt as if he were no longer in control of himself and then he shot his hot sperm into me.
"Angry and confused, I sighed deeply as soon as he had rolled off me. All I felt was sticky and disappointed. If that was the normal, acceptable sex, I was going to have to come to grips with the fact that it just wasn't for me ...
"After Carl was sound asleep I gathered up my clothes, slipped into the other room, called for a cab and started to dress. I knew Carl would never understand, but I honestly didn't give a damn. All I knew was that I was through with being disillusioned. I'd found one thing I liked and I was going to concentrate on that ...
'The next time Ken called I accepted a date. Both of us were too worked up to bother with going through motions. I rejected the thought of dinner, smiling up at him. He knew what I needed.
"His apartment seemed very familiar now and I didn't even wait for him to get to work on my clothing. From the moment I'd agreed to meet him, the slow fire had begun its work. I stripped between hot, languid kisses. Then, when we were both naked, I played with his cock, making sure it was as hard as it could get. Then I looked up at him, my eyes little slits of pure passion.
"He looked at me questioningly. 'It's a different time of the month ... ?' he ventured, wanting to be sure I wanted more of what he'd given me the last time.
"I walked slowly to the bed, my hips swaying like crazy. I got on the bed on my belly and slowly raised my hips to him, allowing my puckered little slit to wink up at him between the creamy hillocks of flesh I knew he liked so much.
" 'You're on, honey,' he breathed. Then he hurried into the bathroom.
"As I remained quietly on the bed waiting for him to work a little lubricant into his rod, I felt myself go all loose and fluttery inside, just as I had the last time I'd been in Ken's bed like this. I experienced a tremendous rush of relief that I could recapture the same feeling all over again. Secretly I'd begun to fear that what I'd felt the last time was a fluke, a once-in-a-life moment and my life would be all the more miserable for having tasted, however briefly, some real pleasure, only to lose it again. But now I knew that was not the case ... Put me on my belly, with the promise of a nice long dick soon to slip into my butt and I'd come alive again ... There seemed no point in questioning or cursing this strange need of mine. It was there, that was all and I had to have it.
"My thinking was cut off by the feel of Ken's hand on my ass. He fitted himself to me with a sleek push and my relaxed muscles opened for him as if by magic. I sighed and settled back on his staff, taking it deeply inside me. Sure, there was some pain, but it was an exquisite kind of delicious pain. He was only halfway inside me when I began to gasp with delight. I came immediately, then settled back to take more. I was alive again and I was loving every minute of it.
"We swayed together for as long as Ken could stand it. Then he emptied himself into me, his fingers grasping my naked tits as he came. I could feel his hot juice shooting into my bowels and I took his come happily, grateful to him for opening my life this way, if only by accident. I vowed to come to him whenever he wanted me, out of gratitude, if nothing else, and at the same time, determined to find myself other lovers with bigger, thicker cocks, cocks which could fill me even better ..."
Since the end of World War II the setting for family living has been revolutionized and the physical environment plays a large role in this revolution. Cities are bigger, supermarkets are bigger, houses are better fitted to live in and filled with labor-saving devices. This whole trend has contributed to a splintering of the once-basic family unit. Today, divorce has become common and accepted and with the acceptance of divorce has come a major change in our social way of life.
By today's standards those who fail to maintain their love or those whose marriage seems a failure from the very beginning find that divorce and possible remarriage offer alternative paths to the values and satisfactions originally sought in the marriage. The turning point is usually reached when one partner or the other concludes that his or her chances of achieving those values or satisfactions are greater in a possible future relationship than in the present marriage, or that the present relationship costs more than it is worth in terms of either emotional or financial stability and/or growth.
According to Donald Brogue in Population of the United States:
Beginning about 1875 the divorce rate in the United States began to rise. It climbed fairly steadily for nearly 75 years, reaching a spectacular peak at the end of World War II. After a postwar return to normal, the upward trend resumed. The main causes of this long-term rise in the American divorce rate are urbanization and industrialization. Increased anonymity and mobility have weakened social controls. These controls formerly held couples together by external pressure and provided group chaperonage to prevent them from getting involved in extramarital alliance.
Both the change in attitude concerning divorce and the actual incidence of divorce in the United States have led to a radical change in our sexual mores, a change which is, in a large part, responsible for accelerating the divorce trend in a self-sustaining fashion.
Most parents advocate sexual restraint for their children, regardless of whether they practiced restraint themselves when they were young. The more strongly they encourage restraint and the" more influential their general relationship to their children, the greater the reduction of premarital intimacy. Children generously supplied with care and affection by their parents acquire stronger social consciences incorporating parental attitudes towards sex. Conversely, those whose training is either neglected or harshly overdone are respectively underexposed to the norms of restraint or prodded into rebellious rejection.
The contribution of satisfactory family environments to sexual restraint has been demonstrated in various studies.
Eustace Chesser, in The Sexual, Marital and Family Relationships of the English Woman, stated, "English women whose parents were happily married, for example, were more restrained than those from unhappy homes or who lost their mother through death or lost either parent through separation or divorce."
In happy homes parents collaborate in socializing their children more successfully. Restraint is also greater among women who got along well with both parents than among those who had trouble. Even boys, who are generally less influenced by their parents than girls, were more sexually restrained if they got on well with their mothers than if they rebelled against them. Also notably unrestrained are women reared by anyone other than the parents.
Divorced men and women are not only handicapped in raising their children unaided, but they have different sexual philosophies. In his national sample of adults, Ira L. Reiss wrote in his book The Social Context of Premarital Sexual Permissiveness that separated and divorced parents were three times more apt to be highly permissive sexually than married parents (40 percent versus 13 percent). Their permissiveness presumably reflected their eagerness to remarry. Such parents are actively engaged in courtship rituals and correspondingly interested in sexual freedom for themselves. Hence the premarital intimacy of children from broken homes and their eventual higher divorce rate, contributing substantially to the national divorce rate, reflects the example and perhaps even the implicit teaching of the remaining parent.
Despite jokes about the "seven year itch" and "the dangerous years," the worst year of marriage is the first. More marriages break up then than in any other single year. At the very beginning, the worst incompatibilities become apparent.
One study by Charles E. Clark and Harry Shulman, A Study of Law Administration in Connecticut, found that:
Over one-third of all cases of divorce appeared in the first year of marriage, even though most of those couples did not dissolve their marriages until many years later. The alienation which eventuates in divorce often begins at the very initiation of marriage. Indeed, some couples married and divorced without ever living together. Sexual problems and personality clashes undermined the possibilities for personal relationships and led to particularly quick dissolutions.
It is, unfortunately, almost impossible to pin down the direct causes of divorce. The official causes, the legal grounds on which judges grant the decree of divorce, tell us little. Most divorces are granted for "cruelty," a notoriously vague term. Most of the rest are based on desertion, leaving unnoted the reason why a husband or wife left the home, or on non-support, which frequently overlaps with desertion. However, it appears that extramarital affairs, adultery, might, in most instances, be a prime cause.
Because sex is the most intimate aspect of marriage, extramarital intercourse is its most profound betrayal. Sometimes it is a kind of premarital intercourse for a second marriage, the physical expression of a new love which has already superseded the old. Sometimes it is a casual fling by a man or woman who otherwise considers himself or herself a good mate. Always, however, it threatens the solidity of marriage socially by potential new involvements and psychologically by destroying the uniqueness of husband-wife intimacy.
Though the marriage is always impaired by this, either as a cause or effect of adultery, the relationship between adultery and divorce is not simple. John Levy and Ruth Monroe, in their book The Happy Family, were convinced that "sexual maladjustment, including infidelity, is seldom a primary cause of marital discord."
Whether adultery causes divorce depends on whether it is known. Forty percent of the unfaithful wives sampled in Kinsey's Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, believed their husbands didn't suspect their infidelity. Even where unfaithfulness is known, the partner does not always rush to a lawyer. In some cases he rushes to a marriage counselor, the crisis providing an impetus for reconstructing a shaky marriage.
Where divorce follows known adultery, the partner is apt to blame the unfaithfulness, especially if the offender was the wife, for the divorce. According to the double standard, infidelity is less forgivable in wives than in husbands. Thus Kinsey found that 51 percent of the wives' known affairs were given "major" blame for divorce, versus only 27 percent of the husbands' known transgressions. Significantly, every offended partner attached at least some divorce-causing significance in these adultery-followed-by-divorce cases.
In short, adultery tends to destroy marriage. The recuperative prospects for a given marriage depend on the circumstances and motives. Levy and Monroe said in The Happy Family:
Infidelity may be an attack upon the wife, a refuge from her, an attempt to prove one's manliness, a revolt against childish taboos, a method of working out impulses arising from early experiences, an act of revenge either upon the woman, the wife, or women in general, the gratification of a physical urge uninhibited by moral scruples-almost anything.
The same holds true, of course, for women involved in adultery. Kinsey estimated that half of all married men and one-fourth of all married women committed adultery sometime during their married life.
Divorced people are disappointed with their first marriage, but rarely disillusioned with the idea of marriage. Frequently they are more eager than ever to marry before they get too old. Most women think a happy marriage is their birthright and if they don't achieve it on their first try, they hope for the next time.
This is, in all probability, the chief reason behind the sometimes frantic sexual activity engaged in by many young divorcees. In both the United States and England two-thirds of all divorced women remarry. Although this rate is not as high as the proportion of the population who ever marry at all (over 92 percent), at any particular age proportionally more divorced than single persons marry.
At any age, divorced women are most apt to remarry and spinsters least likely, while widows fall between the two. These data show how strongly divorced women are motivated to remarry. Widows may have pleasant memories to live on, but divorced women have only unhappy memories, along with the nagging fear that perhaps they weren't sexually pleasing to their ex-husbands. Those unpleasant memories-and the nagging fear, they hope-will be erased by their current sexual affairs and eventual remarriage.
On the national average it takes a woman 2.7 years to remarry following a divorce. A widow, on the other hand, usually takes 3.5 years to find another mate. The slower rate of the latter reflects the taboo on hasty remarriage after bereavement out of respect for the memory of the loved one. Divorced persons, by definition, have nothing to respect or remember. Moreover, their first marriages normally ended in separation many months before the divorce decree was final, months in which the woman was free to seek out new sexual partners to reassure her of her sexual desirability.
If an extramarital affair motivated the divorce, the courtship ritual for the new marriage preceded the termination of the old marriage. In a study of high status Americans, John Cuber and Peggy Harroff, in The Significant Americans: A Study of Sexual Behavior Among the Affluent, found that the most frequent reason for divorce was, "Finding a mate who seemed better to fit the man's or the woman's needs and wants-an engaging alternative to the lackluster of one's present circumstances."
Whether one wishes to call the discovery of a new partner a reason for divorce, it is unquestionably an occasion for divorce and prompt remarriage. Unfortunately, statistics show that where sexual incompatibility was the cause for the divorce-in that the woman found a new sexual partner who was better able to satisfy her needs-the remarriage is no more likely to last than the first marriage.
A woman seeking fresh sexual excitement will be attracted to the man who is best able to fill her cravings of the moment. Whether that man will be able to fill the other roles needed in a husband is problematical. Once the excitement of the new sexual experience has worn off, it is quite possible that the woman will find herself in an even more untenable position, usually leading to a second divorce and possibly even more frantic searching for new forms of sexual excitement to replace the love relationship which she has been unable to find.
The case histories we will be examining in this book are of women in this situation. Unable to develop a viable inter-dependency with a man, perhaps incapable of forming close personal attachments based on anything except sex, they substitute bizarre sexual experimentation for a sexual love experience, and like a narcotics addict, soon find that they have to go farther and farther in their search for "kicks" to quiet their inner longings.
CHAPTER ONE - Rear End Collision Course
"The way things had been going, I didn't know if I'd ever get married again. I had already struck out twice-and both times for the same reasons: differences in our sexual desires. Both girls gave me my walking papers because ass fucking was what satisfied me most and they were not about to take it in the rear for very long.
"I was a good husband-both of them were willing to admit that-but for some stupid reason they just couldn't hack sex from behind. I did everything I could to make them satisfied and fulfilled during our relations, but I guess that just wasn't enough. They wanted to be fucked in their vaginas and I wanted to do it in their sweet asses.
"Charlotte, my first wife, was practically a virgin when we were married. I say 'practically' because I was the guy who popped her cherry the year before we got married. I met Charlotte at a friend's party to which he had invited all of his old girl friends. Can you imagine a party made up of past flames of the host? Man, you talk about hostilities flying back and forth. But Melvin-that's my nutty friend-invited all these girls just for kicks. To see the fireworks and enjoy every minute.
"Charlotte was there, drinking up a storm after realizing why she had been invited. She, like the others, thought she was Melvin's date. When she saw all the other gals vying for his attention, she got pissed off-as the others did eventually. But it didn't take long before the chicks started pairing off with other guys and making the best of it.
"So Charlotte and I hit it off pretty good from the start. We necked a little at Melvin's party, but I got so fucking smashed I could barely do that by the end of the evening. Charlotte gave me her number and I called her the next day and made a date for the following weekend.
"Within three dates I was in her pants. When I found out she was on the pill I really made a point of getting her to put out all the way. She claimed she wasn't taking the pill for contraception, but for some medical problem she had. The night she put out all the way, I had to do some pretty fancy talking ... especially why she was being so dumb ... so stubborn ... not to put out when she was protected by the pill.
"I had her pants off, petting her clitoris and talking her into fucking. I put my finger in her hole and said, 'Now wouldn't it be nicer if my penis were in there? Filling you up with my big hot prick? That sure would be better than one skinny finger.'
"I kept talking to her, trying to break down her resistance, which I finally did. Charlotte got so hot she finally begged me to fuck her.
" 'I've just got to find out what it's like,' she said between pantings of passionate breathing. 'I can't stand it anymore not knowing what it's like. Please put it in me.'
"I slipped my prick to her as she lay there half-undressed. To my surprise it went right in with no resistance whatever ... she didn't have a hymen. Later she told me she deflowered herself gradually by masturbating with objects she pushed into her vagina.
"After a few screwings, Charlotte became free as a bird with her sex ... she relaxed and enjoyed it like any other girl. But I found that I wasn't completely satisfied. Her hole seemed to be too big for me and there wasn't the amount of friction or tightness which I really desired. Actually, I have a smaller than average penis ... it's not as thick or as long as that of any other man I've seen. I know what I'm talking about, because I spent a few years in the army and you have plenty of opportunities to compare pricks.
"I had heard of the 'Greek way,' but the idea never seriously entered my mind until my seventh date with Charlotte. After she was all hot and ready for me to give it to her, I suggested we try something different. She was game, so I told her I'd like to fuck her in the ass. At first the idea didn't appeal to her, but as I rubbed her vaginal juices downward and into her anus, the pressure and caresses seemed to stimulate her and she said she wouldn't mind trying it now.
"I had a hell of a time getting my penis into her anus the first time. She was so new at sex that she hadn't learned how to cooperate with her muscles and body positions. But I finally managed to get the head of my prick into that tight ass of hers and shoved it all the way.
"She liked it, all right. Charlotte was 'ooh-ing' and 'ah-ing' all over the place. Christ, did she dig it ... at first.
"As time went on she insisted that I fuck her in the 'place Nature intended your organ to go.' How's that for a slogan?
"Eight months after we met at that party, I fell in love with her ... or should I say it was eight months before it dawned on me that I was in love with Charolotte? We had a nice intimate wedding and really balled it on our wedding night ... sixty-nining, mutual masturbation ... we ran the gamut. Christ, the love juices were soaked all over that mattress. I'll bet they had to wring it out when we left.
"As the months went by during the first year of our marriage, we got along pretty good for newlyweds. We had the usual squabbles in the process of getting adjusted to each other's personality quirks. She found that she liked having her breasts sucked more than she realized before she was married. Charlotte now felt free to really do all the things we read about in the sex instruction books. She turned out to be a superb sex partner, willing to try and experiment with anything.
"But, much to my displeasure, Charlotte did not like anal intercourse as often as I requested. Finally she asked me one day why I liked it so much and I had to think a little to get my words right so I wouldn't hurt her feelings-if that's possible with any woman!
"As delicately as possible I explained that my organ seemed to be a little small for her vagina and the added pressure of her ass muscles gave me more pleasure. It was simply that my penis was not thick and I found that fucking her ass was more fulfilling.
"She said it was silly ... that she didn't think my organ was too small ... and that she thoroughly enjoyed being screwed in her vagina ... that as far as getting it in the ass was concerned, she didn't mind it as a switch for the sake of variety, even though she had to reach under and play with her clitoris during this kind of fucking. But, as a steady diet, that would be impossible.
"Charlotte read up on how to control her muscles in her vaginal cavity, but it just didn't make it. I mean, there still wasn't that pressure and tightness I felt when my prick was in her ass.
"As time went by, this conflict in our sex lives caused more and more friction. We had arguments over the 'normalcy' of it, the morality of it and so forth. I tried to get her to realize that it doesn't matter what gives me pleasure, so long as I don't hurt her, she should be willing to accommodate me ... to go along with whatever turned me on. I would do the same for her.
"Well, these talks occurred every couple of weeks. Sometimes they would turn into arguments, sometimes just compromises in our sex for that evening. But, after a year and a half our marriage was completely blown apart by our sex lives. She simply laid down the law that there was to be no more ass fucking and that was that.
"By this time we were not getting along at all. Divorce was imminent. I packed my bags one night and took off for a motel. I made out with the cocktail waitress at the bar next door ... she let me screw her in the ass with no fuss or muss about it. Afterwards, I went down on her and we had a wonderful night together.
"Charlotte filed for divorce and we were on our way to the single life again.
'Then I met a real beautiful girl at a play. I go to the theatre a couple times a month and one night, during intermission, I spotted these two good looking women at the bar, having a cocktail. I walked up and ordered scotch on the rocks, turned to them and bummed a match for my cigarette. We started talking and before intermission was over I had arranged a date with one of them, Millicent.
"Millicent and I went out for dinner and then for drinks at my place. I had a brand new apartment now, with wet bar, a completely stocked liquor cabinet, the works.
"Millicent is built like a brick shit house and she has an ass to match. After a couple of drinks, I moved to her side of the sofa and put my arm around her. She lifted her head towards mine and I kissed her on the nose. She smiled and I said, 'Do you love to love?'
"Millicent kissed me on the mouth and said, 'I just love to love.'
"As we French-kissed, I opened her blouse and caressed those large tits. She turned to me and pressed her chest against my hands harder. Christ, there's enough there for five hands. God, is she built.
"Her hand moved to my crotch and began to fondle my hard on. I was sucking on her tongue like mad, breathing like a bull in heat. I slipped off her blouse and cupped one of those succulent breasts to my mouth, taking the nipple full into my hungry mouth, sucking on the large swollen pink mound. Her nipple tasted sweet and delicious, like a tender flower bud.
"Millicent squirmed and moaned as I kissed and sucked the hard nipple. 'Oh, I love it,' she moaned. 'Suck it good, honey ... suck it good ... that's it honey ... suck me good ...'
"I couldn't take any more stimulation with my clothes on. I wanted to be completely nude, to feel her hands on my naked penis and to feel her thighs and ass. I straightened up and removed my pants and shirt. Standing in my underwear, I reached down and slipped off Millicent's skirt and panties.
"She sat, slumped in the corner of the sofa, breathing heavy, waiting for me to return to her hot tits. I quickly jerked off my shorts and undershirt, throwing them across the room with a wild wave of my arm. She reached up and took a firm grip on my prick. I sat down again and resumed my sucking of her sumptuous breast.
"As she squeezed my prick, my other hand slid down, rubbing her tummy, then down further to her pubic hairs. The mound was high and fluffy with thick hair covering her wet vagina lips. My finger moved into her sopping crevice, dipping into her sex fluids. I moved my fingers up and down the wet slit, brushing her clitoris firmly with each pass. This made her squirm more and groan. Her hips were pumping up and down, back and forth, sideways, in circles ... she was going wild with stimulation, not knowing which way to thrust her ass next.
"I picked up Millicent and carried her to my bed. I put her down gently on the satin sheets. The overhead red light threw beautiful shadows across her body, accentuating all her curves.
"I lowered myself on top of her and resumed playing with her breasts, then I slid my body down, kissing her tummy, while twisting and flipping her nipples. I moved off of her, then turned her body so she faced away from me and I moved in so that my prick was against her plump ass.
"My hands wrapped around her hips and pulled her tightly to me. With my right hand I rubbed the wet fleshy interior of her vagina lips, causing Millicent to squirm once more and moan loudly. My fingers grazed her clitoris with increasing frequency, as my hips jabbed forward, poking my prick into her ass crack little by little.
"Now my fingers fell upon her clitoris and massaged it from every angle. I fondled that little stiff flesh as Millicent jerked and thrashed her voluptuous ass against my prick, making my stiff organ poke against her tight brown anus.
"She squirmed and writhed from the intense caressing of her clitoris ... banging her ass against me again and again. My prick swelled and pulsed inside of her lovely ass cheeks ... it was surrounded by her soft spongy ass flesh ... the warmth and sexiness made me even more excited.
" 'Oh, Jesus!' she yelled, 'you're setting me on fire! Oh, Christ, Freddy, your magic hands are making me burn up! Ohhhhhhh ... my God ... I oh, shit, Freddy ... ooooooh, aaaahhh! Oh, fuck it! Oh, shit you're driving me wild! Goddamn ... oh, fuck ... '
"Quickly, I took my hand away from her clitoris and applied some of my saliva to my throbbing prick. Then I felt my way again into her wet pussy lips and began to pinch her sex button, all the while poking my wet prick against her anus.
"Millicent kept up her torrent of passionate raving as her ass and my prick poked at each other. Finally, I gripped her voluptuous hips firmly and pressed my hard on into her tight ass opening. Her ass squeezed with a pulsing rhythm around the head of my prick. My brain was spinning with desire and lust. I bit into her shoulder, sucking the flesh deep into my mouth. Millicent moaned from the pain-pleasure of the bite.
"At the same time I plunged my prick deep into her beautiful ass, feeling the tightness press all around my stiff prick. I was in heaven! Her hot body surrounded my prick and made me feel one with her. My entire prick was entombed in that snug hole ... buried deep in the warmth of her body, that gorgeous body which excited me just to look at.
"Her bulbous cheeks pressed against my pubic area and lower abdomen, stimulating the tingling nerves there. My fingers pressed harder on her clitoris as I withdrew my prick a little and then plunged it in to the hilt, enjoying the pleasure of her soft plump cheeks. Those two globes of sex, their warmth and smoothness caressed my body while her insides caressed my burning hot prick.
"I withdrew slightly again, careful not to let my dick slip out and plunged harder, banging against her big ass, making a smacking noise. She moaned louder. My fingers were flipping her clitoris back and forth, pinching and tweaking the little hot spot while Millicent thrashed her hips within my grasp. My hard prick jerked and pulled in every direction.
"We both were moaning loudly, pounding our bodies in abandon. Millicent began to yell louder and then she screamed, 'I'm coming! Jesus, I'm coming!'
"That was enough to set me off and I made one final shove, burying my prick deep into her twitching body. My prick exploded like a cannon, her ass clenched my prick, not wanting it to move away. This extra pressure sent my orgasm soaring like skyrockets and colored sparks, explosion after explosion racking my body.
"Millicent screamed out loudly as she orgasmed, her lovely body wrenched and jerked against me.
"Then there was stillness. We lay panting, moaning and gasping for air. I stayed with my prick inside her wonderful ass for a long time, petting her thighs and pressing my hand over her pubic area to soothe her twitching flesh.
"My prick had shrunk now so that it slipped out from the tight grasp of her asshole. It was held between the two beautiful cheeks of that sexy ass. I continued to pet and soothe her sweet body.
"After a while, I backed away and took her into my arms, resting her head on my chest.
" 'Did you enjoy being fucked in the ass?' I asked, curious to know what her attitude was concerning this first time.
" 'Oh, God,' she whispered, barely able to get the words past her lips. 'If you fuck like that in the ass, I wonder what it's like when you fuck me in the other hole. It was good, baby. I've been made love to in there before, but your sweet prick is just the right size for going in the back door-it's not too big-I liked it.'
"That made me happy as hell. I did fuck her the conventional way the next week, but for two months-every weekend-I fucked her in the ass. And she liked it, never complained how unnatural it was, or that she wasn't satisfied or anything like that. Within three months we were married.
"I thought that at last I had found a woman who liked being loved in the back as well as in front. But, I was wrong. She led me to believe that ass fucking was okay with her all the time, but it didn't take me long to find out she had been lying."
In any attempt at a psychological evaluation of an individual, especially where deviant sexual functioning is the central factor, the main concern should be with the person's adaptation to life and his particular form of sexual deviation, rather than with any psychological symptoms he may display or the root causes of each symptom. The most important thing should not be whether the subject is or is not sexually "well-balanced," but whether or not he has been able to adapt successfully to whatever sexual hangups he may have.
Using this as a guideline, it is easy to see that Fred G. is not what could be called a satisfactorily adjusted person. This is because it does not appear that he has been able to come to terms with his emotional and psychological problems, especially the psycho-sexual disturbances created by his small penis. Although directly sexual in nature, this has led to what the psychologists refer to as a "personality disturbance," since it has affected his entire life-style.
When a psychologist says "personality," he is referring to the total of thought patterns, feeling and behavior, including sexual behavior, which an individual habitually employs in his attempts to adapt to life.
To say that a person has a normal personality is to say that the person has been able to make a complete and satisfactory adaptation to adult reality. The person who has reached this state of development has usually become psychologically rigid in making peace with his own illogicalities, eccentricities and follies.
Because of this developing personality rigidity the person will lose a certain amount of freedom of thought and action. In most cases this rigidity leads to the repression of any sexually deviant impulses. Thus an overtly normal exterior may conceal deep-seated serious sexual problems. If a person who has managed to repress his unusual desires suddenly finds himself in a high-stress situation-such as Fred found himself in when it became obvious that he could not achieve complete sexual satisfaction due to the small size of his penis-these repressed desires are apt to break free and cause changes in the personality picture.
In Fred's case, his rapid conversion to anal-ism, with the attendant drop in enjoyment from conventional sexual practices, seems to indicate a developing paranoia brought on by his feelings of penile inadequacy.
Such developing paranoia often takes on an erotic form of manifestation. Freud developed the hypothesis that erotic paranoia arises when homosexual tendencies escape the repression in which they have been held because the subject feared the exposure of these tendencies, to himself as well as to others.
Because of Freud's theories it has been taken for granted for a long time that any person who develops a paranoid reaction of the type which appears to be developing in Freddie is basically a homosexual and that his homosexuality arises from a fear of castration. However, modern students of basic psychiatric theory have found that when the evidence is closely examined, serious difficulties arise concerning these assumptions.
It has been found that a great number of overtly homosexual persons never develop paranoid reactions and a great many persons show paranoid symptoms without being homosexually inclined. For those who take chapter and verse of Freud as gospel it is easy enough to dismiss such observations with the challenge that at least latent homosexuality can be demonstrated in persons such as Fred. But latent homosexuality is far more common than are paranoid reactions. There may be some relationship between the two but, as Dr. S. F. Klaf, in his article "Evidence of Paranoid Ideation in Overt Homosexuals," pointed out:
The relationship between the homosexual and the individual exhibiting paranoid re-. actions does not appear to be a casual one. Therefore, we must assume that the two aspects of homosexuality and paranoia, while they may be found together in one individual, are not necessarily connected as primary symptoms.
Persons such as Fred who develop erotic paranoid reactions are usually persons who, in early childhood, were unsuccessful in developing an ability to trust other people. In order to understand how Fred's paranoid reactions could have developed we must understand that even the most normal person lives on trust. He must take action continuously on the basis of fragmentary information, which only later events can confirm or contradict. A person must assume, all the time, without confirmation, that people in general are well-disposed toward him, or at the very least that they will, to the best of their ability, avoid harming him.
The normal person hears parts of a sentence or sees fragments of behavior around him and assumes that what he misses will not put him in personal jeopardy. Fred, however, at least when it comes to sexual matters, is in an entirely different situation. He is constantly afraid that the woman he is involved with at the time is secretly laughing at him because of his small penis. In everyone there are fears of one sort or another, along with an undercurrent of magical and superstitious thinking that is not released except in dreams. And even then they are almost always forgotten.
In persons such as Fred, though, we find these reactions coming to the surface. His most outstanding personality characteristic in sexual matters is one of deep distrust of women and their motives. At the same time he exhibits a strong tendency to deny his hostility towards women. However, he constantly projects his own hostility onto these women, claiming, even to himself, that their refusal to engage constantly in anal intercourse is a form of sexual abnormality on their part and that he is the normal person. Because of this and because of his inability to trust any woman, he develops aggressive traits which are manifested in his desire to "punish" women by engaging almost exclusively in anal intercourse. Therefore, even if he should come into contact with a woman who enjoys anal intercourse as much as he does, it is doubtful if he will be able to make a lasting adjustment. If she enjoys it, he will-because he is unable to trust any woman-think that she is lying about it for some unknown reason. and even if she manages to convince him that she really does enjoy it, he will be unable to adapt since then he cannot punish her by engaging in anal activities.
"That marriage with Millicent lasted exactly six months-count 'em-six months. So, I had actually decided that, until I had met a girl who really liked it in the ass only, I was going to stay single. After the divorce, I had met two girls who really liked it in the rear, but each of the two relationships was very short lived. We simply did not groove on the many other ways that make up the basis for a sound and stable marriage. If ass fucking was all there was going to be with them-either of them -then that was not enough for more than a casual relationship. It may be true that asses mean a lot to me-a great deal, as a matter of fact-but there is more to life than mere sex. You can't fuck all the time and when you're not fucking you have to be able to talk to the sex object.
"I also had discovered something very interesting about my own sexual life. It seemed to have been changing over the past few months. Breasts do not seem to interest me as much as the protuberance of a woman's behind. When I look at a young girl walking down the street, my eyes automatically go to her young ass. I hardly look at her tits. I have found that I could care less now whether or not she has large or small tits. They just don't intrigue me like asses do.
'The only thing of real importance is whether or not the woman in question has an attractive, well-shaped ass. When I see one whose shape is appealing, I have to forcibly control myself from goosing her or patting her beautiful round mounds. Those fluffy, puffy bum-bums just seem to be reaching out, begging to be tweaked by me.
"I find this especially disconcerting when I'm riding in elevators. One of these days I am going to let myself go and grab ass-and get myself in deep trouble. But I just can't seem to help the way I feel. Asses just turn me on something fierce!
"I sometimes dream of walking through fields of them, asses everywhere, crawling through plump, pink, spongy asses till I can't take any more of them. That should be the day! I'd be like the kid in a candy store-asses of every size and shape, all waiting for me. Me! Asses and more asses!
"If I haven't had a piece of ass-and in my case, a piece of ass can be taken completely literally-for a week, I wake up dreaming about sucking and chewing on some lovely girl's big, round ass. Or even playing with some strange woman's buns out on the street in broad daylight.
"But my wettest wet dreams always center around fucking some beautiful tight asshole that is waiting for me. It's been gift wrapped and has my name on it. That recurring dream always goes the same way. A soft, but firm, large pink ass with no one attached to it is weaving sexily in front of me, trying to entice me to stick my throbbing prick right into its bull's-eye. When I do, it's the most delicious, the very tightest hole I've ever used. I wake up tossing and coming all over the bed. Believe me, I have no complaints about that dream at all!
"Please don't get me wrong-I do have other thoughts besides asses and ass fucking and I do have other activities. I'm just as normal as any other guy. In fact, I belong to a bowling team. Well, it's not exactly a team, it's just a bunch of us guys who get together once a week and bowl. But we call ourselves the 'Six Sex Symbols.'
"All the other five guys are married, so you can imagine what a ribbing I take from them every Wednesday evening. Oh, a couple of them have been divorced and remarried, but at the present time they're all married and 'holier-than-thou' around me. Talk about your female matchmakers ... these guys are constantly trying to get me married off. They can't stand seeing a guy who's happy and free. They want every fella in the world should be shackled like they are.
"Since we've all known each other since school-some of them as far back as junior high school and Harvey I've known since kindergarten-we all get pretty personal with each other. They don't care what the hell they say about me or to me if it'll get them a laugh or make me uncomfortable. I guess they figure why should they be unhappy, all tied down and stuck, while I was happy and single?
"Well, one Wednesday evening when we had all gotten together at eight o'clock on the button at the bowling alley, there was a look on all five of their faces that told me they were up to something and it was probably up to something no-good. They all looked like the cat that ate the canary. Anyway, they were bursting with some kind of secret at my expense.
"I played it cool and waited to see what was up. I did not have long to wait.
" 'Freddy, old buddy,' Herman, the fat slob of our group started, 'we ain't seen you with no dames lately. You havin' it hard findin' the right dame?'
" 'Go throw a gutter ball,' I retorted, trying to let him and the rest of the guys know that it was none of their damn business whether or not I was dating and who-if anyone-I was going with.
"Marv, the nose, shot in with, 'Oh, the cocks-man ain't talkin' ... or the cocksman ain't get-tin' any. One or the other. Come on, Freddy. Tell your best friends all. Who is she? Or, better yet ... is she? Level with us, old buddy ... are you goin' with anyone right now?'
'That told me what I wanted to know. They were more interested in whether or not I was going with someone rather than who I was going with. That meant only one thing. They had a broad up their sleeves and they wanted to lay her on me-so's I'd lay her, or better yet, get hooked by her and get married, so we could all be long-suffering buddies again.
"Before I could get a word in, Sheldon, the unofficial leader of our group spoke up.
" 'Freddy, you know all of us and you know we only have your very best interests at heart- right? Right!'
"He answered himself before I had a chance, knowing full well that I would have said, 'wong,' and that would have been the end of that. They really were up to something.
" 'Excuse me, Sheldon, my good friend and protector, but I do believe it is my turn to bowl. I hope you do not take offense at my taking my turn. You wouldn't want me to miss my turn, now would you-having my best interests at heart and all.' And I walked up to the alley, searched for my ball and let 'er rip.
"I was actually disappointed when all the pins went down and I had gotten a strike. That meant that I would have to go back and listen to more of their drivel that much sooner. If I had missed even one pin, then I would have had more time away from their plotting.
"Back at the bench, all five guys jumped on me at once. Usually one of the guys-either Herman or Jackie-was over-eager to get up there and throw that ball down the alley. But not that evening. All of them were surrounding me on that semi-circled bench and were pleading a case for some gal named Cynthia. Sounded like an awfully snooty girl to me-Cynthia.
"It seemed that Herman and Sheldon's wives had just asked her to join their luncheon bridge club or something. She was from out of town and was young and lovely and very single. They didn't know whether or not she'd ever been married before, but they knew for sure that she was not married now-and that was all that counted.
"Herman and Sheldon both put it to me. Their wives would literally kill them if they didn't get me to make a date with Cynthia- with marriage in mind. They said that all the wives were hearing wedding bells already.
"I told the guys flat out that I had been burned twice and wasn't about to try it a third time. What did they think I was ... a ding-a-ling? Enough was enough. But, for the sake of my buddies-and I knew they were sincere when they told me that they would get into hot water if they didn't arrange a date between Cynthia, God, what a name! and me-I agreed to meet and date Miss Cynthia P. That would make everyone happy. Wives all pleased and waiting, buddies off the hook, Miss Cynthia flattered all to hell and possibly madly in love with me in moments and maybe one ass fuck before I dropped her, or before she dropped me because of my peculiar proclivities.
"You should have seen the guys' faces when I agreed! As if I had told them they had each won the Irish sweepstakes. They couldn't have been much more pleased. I really felt sorry for those five poor henpecked slobs! Shit, they were really pathetic when it came right down to it. To get to the point where their wives ran things like that! Shit, what a mess!
"Sheldon was the one whose wife had priority -after all, her husband was the unofficial leader of our group, which made her the first lady!-so, dear Virginia got the privilege "of making the match official. She invited me over for dinner-through Sheldon, of course-and she also invited Cynthia. Neither one of us were supposed to know that the other was coming.
"Both Sheldon and Virginia were going to act surprised that the other had invited a guest home for dinner and of course, there would, surprisingly, be enough food for just another person. What a coincidence! My, what kismet! Shit! But, for Sheldon's sake-and the sake of all the other guys-I went through with it.
"I arrived just at six and Cynthia was already there. She was helping Virginia in the kitchen, so homey and wifely ... shit!
"'Freddy, I'd like you to meet Cynthia P. Cynthia, this is Freddy G.,' Virginia was bubbling.
" 'So nice to meet you,' said the loveliest feminine creature I had ever seen, in the sexiest voice I had ever heard.
" 'Uh, hi!' I replied intelligently, ogling her deep blue eyes, dark blonde, shoulder-length hair, slender and shapely body. I hadn't seen her ass yet, but I knew it had to be fantastic! She was fantastic!
"How we managed to get through dinner I'll never know, what with my perpetual hard on and all. But, the evening did finally come to an end and I was permitted to take Cynthia home.
"She gave me directions as I drove toward her part of town, talking and joking all the way. She had a marvelous sense of humor, which occasionally touched on the sexual, but not often. She knew when and where to draw the line so she did not come off as being 'dirty minded.'
"We pulled up in front of her apartment house, which was quite beautiful. The apartment was definitely in the luxurious class.
"I had the picture of her sweet ass in my mind since I had caught a glimpse of it as she sat down to dinner. I wanted to slide my hand across the seat and grab it into my hands. She was slim, but her ass protruded conspicuously and the outfit she wore accented this feature.
"Cynthia directed me to the guest parking area. I got out of the car and went around to let Cynthia out. As she swung her legs from beneath the dash area and over the edge of the door sill, she looked up at me with the most tantalizing expression. It was that same expression she had used on me over dinner several times. It made my gut swim with hot fluid.
"She stepped to the pavement, with my help and turned to step away from the door. As she did, I looked down at her ass ... that small but sensuous arc. My prick jumped in my pants as I admired her round and perfect butt.
"We walked to the front door, which was locked to prevent non-residents from entering and Cynthia began the clich� key-searching scene. As she pulled the key from her purse, I blocked the lock. Startled, she looked at me.
" 'Aren't you going to ask me up?' I said, smiling as though insulted.
'The look of indecision on her face was almost funny. 'If you're not too bashful,' I pressed on, 'I would like to come up with you.'
"There was another moment of hesitation. She searched for the words. 'I ... I ... guess it would be all right,' she stammered.
"All right? Christ, she had been turning me on all evening and then at the last moment she's chickening out. I simply could not understand her behavior.
"We entered her apartment ... it was fantastic. She must have been earning a hell of a salary to keep this place, I thought.
"I looked around, searching for a bar. It was there, all right. That was the fanciest apartment bar I had ever seen, complete with gold leaf mirrors on the surrounding walls.
"Cynthia sat on the plush sofa, staring straight ahead. This wasn't the sexy cheerful girl I had known all evening. I figured something must be troubling her, so I offered to fix us drinks. She looked at me with a dazed expression and nodded her approval.
"We sat and engaged in small talk, but she continued to accept drink after drink, not making any suggestions that I leave and at the same time not encouraging me to make any passes at her. This was confusing.
"On our fourth drink she took a deep breath, cupped the glass in her hands and looked at my shoes as she spoke.
" 'Do you like me, Freddy?' she asked, somewhat lost in thought.
"Without hesitation I told her how very much she appealed to me ... that I was turned on by her all night.
"She looked straight into my eyes with the expression of a frightened, confused little girl.
" 'I feel the same about you, Freddy,' she confessed. 'And I've had enough drinks to tell you why I haven't encouraged you to even kiss me. I ... I ... want to go to bed with you, but I have this problem. It's ... well, I have always had a fear of pregnancy and I am allergic to all contraceptives. So ... well ... what I am trying to tell you ... is that I have a little perversion. I guess you'd call it that. You see ... I can only be satisfied by having love made to me by entering ... by going ... that is by doing it ... the Greek way ...'
"I couldn't believe my ears! This magnificent creature was telling me that she liked the same kind of love-making as I!
"I laughed with pleasure as she looked at me with a startled expression ... my eyes wide and frightened, hands trembling, as though she had done something terrible and now she would have to bear the consequences of her blabbing.
" 'You are not going to believe this, Cynthia,' I said, taking her arms and pulling her closer, 'but I have been divorced twice because that is the very kind of fucking I like ... the only kind!'
"She put down her drink and cooed, 'Oh, Freddy ... thank God.'
"I took her in my arms and kissed her passionately, slipping my tongue into her mouth, swirling it around frantically as my prick swelled and pulsed in my pants.
"She grabbed me by the hand and tugged, pulling me off the sofa and onto my feet. "Let's not waste any time, darling,' she said, lust written all over her lovely face. "We're going to make it right now,' she said firmly and led the way to her bedroom.
"She turned on her bedroom light and adjusted the dimmer switch so that we could barely see each other. Then she undressed hurriedly, sexily, as only a few women can. I undressed quickly and followed her to bed.
"As I lay down, Cynthia turned so that her sweet pink ass was near my hand and her head was near my penis. She took my organ in her hands lovingly and began to lick it. I moaned and cupped the cheeks of her ass in my hands and caressed them, squeezed them and petted them. She moaned and sucked my prick into her mouth, which set the fires going in my gut, those whirling, swirling flames of heat that send a man into the heavens.
"My finger sunk between her full round ass cheeks and planted itself on her moist anus. She moaned and sucked my prick harder, pulling on it with eager devotion.
"She lifted her head. 'Let's do it now, sweetheart. I can't wait any longer." I love you ... I love you ...'
"Cynthia got into position by moving herself to the foot of the bed, facing up towards the pillows. She knelt, her knees just on the very edge of the bed. I came around and stood between her legs, which were jutting out over the bed, pressing my wet prick between her sweet, soft ass cheeks. They were so round and perfectly formed, it was a thrill just to look at them with her in that bent-over position. A beautiful ass jutting up in the air, just like in my wet dreams, pleading for my prick.
"I positioned my hard on carefully and leaned into her warm body. It entered her warm asshole and as it did, Cynthia thrust her ass back, swallowing my whole prick in her body. I grasped those lovely hips and pulled her lithe form to and fro, massaging my prick in and out of her snug bunghole.
"Cynthia moaned loud, calling my name over and over, crying her love for me as my prick made love to her insides. I squeezed her hips- those beautifully formed curves-and pushed the cheeks together, placing even more pressure on my prick as it moved in and out of her magnificent ass.
"As my passion climbed, I became more violent with her hips, pulling her to me with greater force and command. She was no longer a delicate loving girl, but a piece of succulent ass to be ravaged. I pulled her so hard against me that my pubic bone and her ass bones felt their firmness through our flesh.
"Cynthia's body, her ass, her every movement and feel, gave me the most exquisite, sensations I had felt in all of my sex experiences. She was driving me wild. I was exciting her as much. That was evident by her perpetual screaming and moaning. Her voice cried for me to stop, then not to stop. She was pleading with me to kill her with my stiff prick. She, too, was at that moment full of the most wanton lust imaginable.
"Suddenly Cynthia started to moan ... a low moan that rose higher and higher, giving the effect that she was going to scream her head off once it would have reached its peak. It was obvious that she was coming ... coming wasn't the word for it ... more like taking off into orbit!
"And that triggered my balls into the most excruciating orgasmic spasms. We thrashed and jerked on the bed, as I clung tightly to her hips, banging and banging my prick into her ass, not wanting to let go of her for an eternity.
"And that's the way it's been for two years now ... one fantastic sex experience after another. We have been married twenty-seven months and both of us have never been happier in all our lives."
In finding Cynthia, Fred has finally found a partner with whom he can enjoy anal sexual activities without fear that she will develop a negative reaction to it. His aggressive attitude towards women, though, which is manifested in his preference for anal intercourse as a means of humbling the woman, will probably not allow him to continue to enjoy this situation. Since Cynthia accepts and enjoys his anal advances, Fred will soon become sexually frustrated, without realizing the cause of his frustration and soon after will find some reason for terminating this, his third, marriage.
CHAPTER TWO - Deborah's Delight
"I'm sorry, but if I seem a little bashful in telling this, you'll just have to be patient and bear with me. You see, I've never before revealed to anyone the real truth of why I haven't married again. The truth is too ... well, it's just two personal and embarrassing. I'm terribly embarrassed telling it even to you. But, really, I can't go on holding this secret inside of me forever because I do want help-I do want someday to rid myself of my anti-matrimonial feelings and marry again.
"To begin, you must understand that Jack, my ex-husband, had nothing to do with my present dilemma-or perhaps, to be perfectly frank, I should say my present unnatural sex habits because they're the cause of my dilemma. No, Jack was actually a darling husband, handsome, affectionate and completely faithful. He worked hard to give me a comfortable home and I must confess that where sex was concerned, he was sufficiently passionate for any woman and utterly unselfish.
"You might even say that Jack was too unselfish in his love-making. For example, he would take great pains to get me in the mood, dazzling my mind with sweet compliments, kissing all over my neck and fondling my breasts, stimulating a healthy flow of lubrication in my vagina. Then, when I spread my legs wide for him, he would whisper something like, 'Deborah darling, I realize that you hurt when I fuck your little baby cunt, so I'll take it real slow and easy.' Then he would insert his hot, throbbing hard on into me ever so tenderly, trying not to hurt.
"Believe me, I was thankful for his tenderness because ... well, I really do have a small vagina. Oh, yes, of course, my hole loosens up some with a little fucking, enough to take a penis the size of Jack's, but it still is awfully tight. Somehow, I never felt comfortable with him fucking me, though I didn't mind too much because I loved him and that made up for the pain. Also, he always reached his climax very quickly, after only a few seconds and then it was all over.
'The poor dear, he was never able to make me come during all the five years of our marriage. Except once. That once happened purely by accident and didn't involve any fucking in my vagina, which is why I don't count it. Also, I don't like to count it because, indirectly, it was the cause of our divorce and all the problems I've had with men ever since.
"What happened was this. Jack and I had some friends over one evening and there was quite a bit of drinking, enough to get him drunk. After our guests had left, he took to raving about how sexy I looked in comparison to the other women we knew and soon, before I could remove my makeup for bed, he was naked and coming at me with the biggest hard on I'd ever seen him with.
" 'Debby, my sweet little sex pot,' he said, 'I've got a stiff proposition for ya. Do ya think you can find me an opening for it or shall I let the matter drop?'
" 'All right, darling,' I answered, remembering that I hadn't given him any sex for a couple of weeks, 'I'll give you what you want. But please make it quick because I'm awfully tired and sleepy.' With that I slipped off my panties and lay back on the bed, my legs spread very high and wide. I didn't think to put some Vaseline in my vagina because I was sure that he would do at least a little something to stimulate my juices.
"But, as fate would have it, Jack was much too drunk and impatient to prepare me with kisses and caresses. He practically leaped between my legs, jabbing at my bone-dry vagina with that long, rock-hard thing of his. He didn't try guiding it into my hole with his hand but just kept on bouncing his rear, poking all around the general area of my hole, finally locating what he thought was the right spot and giving his penis an extra hard thrust.
"Oh, lordy! I felt that hot, throbbing shaft of his sinking deep into me-but not into my vagina! By mistake he'd sunk it into my rectum! Under the pressure of Jack's hard, desperate thrust, his penis eased right in upon contact.
"Of course, I realized immediately that his penis was in my rear instead of my vagina. But I didn't tell him. I was going to tell him, but somehow I couldn't. Do you know why? It felt too good! I was afraid that if I told him, he'd take it out. And I didn't want him to take it out. It felt so comfortable and warm and exciting way up there deep in my rectum-like I had a second vagina that I was a hundred times more receptive to fucking. Like nature had made the error of placing all of my sex nerves in my rear instead of my vagina.
" 'Fuck me, darling,' I moaned. 'Please fuck me like you never have before. I love it, I love it, I love it!' Which was all the encouragement Jack needed because he really started humping then, ramming his big shaft as far as he could into my passionate fanny, pumping and snorting like a wild bull. He would've climaxed in just a few seconds, I know, but luckily the alcohol slowed him down-his climax, I mean.
"Then suddenly, at the height of Jack's desperate plunging, I got that glorious feeling of my whole body and soul catching on fire, signaling the eruption of a giant orgasm, the very first in my life. Oh, wow, I never, never, never thought I had it in me! At last, at long last, I was actually going to come!
"And I did, too. I erupted with such ecstatic violence that I heaved Jack clear off me-and right at the very moment he was beginning to come. 'Damn, woman, what in the hell's gotten into you, anyway?' he stammered with frustration and surprise. 'I've never known you to get so worked up before over my ...'
"Poor man, he'd noticed a little telltale smear of brown on his whang and it not only robbed him of speech but left him staring in horrified shock. 'I'm sorry, dear,' I sympathized, 'but it seems that your aim was just a little off tonight.'
"However, I could've saved my sympathies. Jack, quite obviously, wasn't accepting any blame. The indignant rage in his eyes told me exactly what he was thinking-that it was all my fault, his being 'perverted' and 'defiled' in a sodomous sex act with me, because I had not only failed to resist and correct his clumsy aim, I had actually helped it and held onto it and thoroughly enjoyed it, even to the point of climax.
"All of which was perfectly true, of course, except for one little detail: I most certainly did not look upon the act as a perversion or defilement, not when it had given me the first real sexual pleasure I'd ever had in my life. To me it had been as natural as breathing, particularly since my vagina is so unnaturally small and inadequate for fucking.
"Oh, well, I thought as I watched my husband trudge silently and morbidly into the bathroom, he'll get over his shock when he's all sobered up with a good night's sleep. Already I was entertaining pleasant visions of him fucking me in my rectum again the next night and again and again after that.
"Which just goes to show you how wrong a gal can be about her husband. For, as it turned out, Jack didn't come back from the bathroom to sleep off his anger. Jack didn't come back, period. After purifying his precious pecker with a mouth wash-honestly, I found the bottle emptied the next morning-he very quietly sneaked out of the house and disappeared. The next time I heard from him was via a very brief note, written two months later from another state, advising me that he was filing for divorce for reasons that I surely must understand.
"Then it was my turn to go into shock. Because I really loved Jack. In every way, except for his Victorian outlook on sex which I could forgive, he'd been the perfect husband. I missed him terribly and after the divorce, which I didn't contest, I lived very much in solitude, visiting only with close neighbors and relatives, hoping against hope that Jack would eventually want me back.
"I suppose that I would've gone on for years like that, waiting and hoping, if it hadn't been for Lewis. Lewis, believe it or not, was the plumber who showed up one afternoon in response to my call for a man to fix my leaky shower faucet. He wasn't exceptionally handsome or anything like that but he had a very charming, outgoing personality and was plainly a man who'd been around-in the military service, I found out later.
"While Lewis went about the job of repairing my shower, I stood at the bathroom door in my robe, literally talking up a storm with him. I don't know how it happened but our conversation got franker and franker until we were soon talking about very personal things, like his problems in getting along with his wife and my problems in getting along without any mate at all.
"For example, Lewis told me that his wife was very much of a prude, reluctant to even undress in front of him, although, they'd been married for years. Her excuse was that she didn't have a good enough figure to be seen in the nude. 'As if I care about that,' Lewis told me, shifting his eyes from his work to the front fold of my robe. 'When I'm in the mood for sex, I'm not particularly interested in Jane's figure, just her pussy and her big ass.
" 'I take ft that you really go for your wife's rear,' I said, feeling my own rear sort of tingling at the idea and letting the front of my robe fall open a little. I didn't have a thing on beneath my robe and was curious to find out how interested Lewis might be in my figure.. Actually, I've always been kind of proud of my large breasts and well-rounded hips.
" 'Well, let's put it this way,' he answered, his eyes probing the little bit of bare skin he could see down my front, settling on the dark shadow of my furry vagina. 'I go for all female rears, not only my wife's. I don't think there's anything more beautiful or enticing than a nice big, dimpled female ass, especially when it's walking close in front of me and even more especially when it's bent over close in front of me.'
"That did it! I couldn't just stand there listening to him talk like that any longer. He was getting me too hot! Already I could feel my rectum pulsating and my vagina filling with passion juice, reminding me that I hadn't had any sex for ages and ages. Impulsively, almost unconsciously, I took the front of my robe in my hands and pulled it wide open, exposing the whole of my naked body. I let Lewis feast his eyes on my large breasts and vagina for just a very brief moment, not smiling at him, then I lifted the bottom of my robe up high under my arms and turned my back to him.
" 'All right, mister plumber, if you're such a connoisseur of ladies' rears, tell me, what do you think of mine?' I asked, sort of pushing it his way.
"Lewis didn't answer immediately. He just wiped his oily hands off with the towel hanging close by and reached out to enfold the cheeks of my rear in them, caressing and lightly squeezing.
" 'Beautiful!' he exclaimed. 'Absolutely beautiful! I'll kid you not, Deborah, your ass is one of the best I've ever seen. It's so full and firm and smooth and warm and ...'
"'And what? Don't hold back because I really want to know exactly what you think.'
" 'Fuckable. That's what I was going to say - fuckable. Okay? I hope I haven't shocked you. It's just that-well, that's the way I am. I'm the kind of guy who likes to fuck women in the ass. And don't say you didn't ask for it, you wanted to know exactly what I think and I told you.'
" 'No. I'm not shocked, Lewis, so there's no need for apologies or anything like that,' I said, still keeping my back to him, though he had withdrawn his hands from my fanny in his moment of shyness. 'I'm just wondering whether I should bend over for you. You did say that you especially admired a woman's rear when it was bent over close in front of you, am I not right?'
" 'Ah, you bet I said that and I meant every word of it,' he sort of purred as he left the shower stall and picked me up in his arms. 'Only let's get the hell out of this bathroom and go to your bedroom where we can do this thing right. I want you completely naked and on your bed when you bend over for me. Better yet, I want you on your hands and knees, backed up to the edge of the bed, with your knees spread wide. In other words, beautiful lady, I want to see every little nook and cranny of your big, sweet ass. Okay?'
"By now he had me in my bedroom and was lowering me to my feet. Of course, he didn't have to tell me to remove my robe. And I didn't have to tell him to remove his clothes, either. In fact, that's what he was doing when I got up on the bed completely naked and positioned myself on the edge as he requested.
" 'Okay, mister connoisseur,' I said as he struggled to untie a knot in his shoelace just five or six feet behind me, 'the merchandise is on full exhibit, every little nook and cranny of it. Take a real good look and then tell me if you like what you see.'
"Oh, I certainly was talking sexily. But I couldn't help it; I was thinking sexily. Lewis had caught me in heat and he'd excited my passion even further with all that sexy talk of his, especially the things he said about my rear being beautiful and fuckable. And I was getting desperate to excite him further, too-so that he'd be sure to do the things I needed so badly.
" 'Hey, lady,' Lewis gasped as he stared with a big grin at my fully exposed bottom, 'You sure do look delicious with your asshole and cunt all laid out for me like that. I can hardly wait to lick up the sweet juice that's flowing from your cunthole and slip this big cock of mine into your ass.' With that he removed the last of his clothing and came straight at me, reaching under to grab my breasts and pull his face hard between the spread lips of my boiling hot vagina.
"Did that ever feel thrilling, perched on my hands and knees with my knees far apart and my rear arched up high, his nose pressed into my rectum while his tongued lapped away at the juice in my vagina. Then I felt his tongue darting into my vagina hole, pumping in and out, faster and faster, while he tugged on my breasts with a strong milking motion. I couldn't help myself-he'd stripped me of all my inhibitions, first with his remarks and now with his wild tongue and nose action.
" 'Oh, yes, yes, yes!' I moaned in ecstasy, 'shoot that long, hot tongue of yours in me all the way, all the way! Fuck me with your tongue, you big ass-hungry animal! I love it!'
"And I meant every word. Of course, I'd never in my life had my vagina fucked by a man's tongue because Jack, my ex-husband, would have been just as horrified at the mere idea as he had been at the accidental experience of fucking me in my rectum, but that certainly didn't lessen the thrill. For one thing, the tongue is much more pointed than a hard penis and it can't go in nearly as far. So, as abnormally tight as my vagina is, it could take Lewis's tongue quite easily. Then, too, he had his nose partly imbedded in my rectum which had the effect of further exciting me.
"I mean, the excitement was so great that I was brought right to the verge of climax. I would've climaxed, too, if Lewis hadn't sensed it and withdrawn his tongue and nose. 'No, baby, no. I don't want you to come just yet,' he stammered as he knelt behind me and licked all over the cheeks of my rear, then up and down between my legs. 'I want you to come with me, while I'm fucking my cock into your big, beautiful, delicious ass. Okay?'
" 'Yes, Lewis, yes, that would be better,' I mumbled, turning my head around in hopes of glimpsing his penis. Then, in a moment, he finished licking my rear and stood up, giving me the glimpse I wanted.
"Now, please understand that I'd only seen one male penis before in my whole life-not counting the little male babies of my married lady friends-because I was an innocent virgin when Jack got me and had never played around with any other men on the side. So, with only Jack's organ to use for comparison, I had to concede that Lewis's was utterly magnificent. It was half again as long as Jack's and at least twice as round in its rock-hard state. And smooth-golly gee-I'd never seen anything so velvety smooth, symmetrical and ... and delicious-looking. And there was a huge bead of translucent nectar poised on the very tip!
"I could see by the way Lewis was eyeing my rectum and drooling with impatience that he was planning to mount my rear real quick. So I obeyed my immediate impulses, not thinking or caring how lewd he might consider them. I swung myself around on the bed, muttering something like, 'Oh, what a gorgeous prick you've got there! Please, let me have just one little suck before you put it in my ass.' Then, before he had time to reply, I had the big plum-sized head of it full in my mouth, draining away the great bead of passion oil, savoring its sweetness, sucking for more.
" 'Sure, baby, help yourself,' I vaguely heard him say as he clasped my head in both hands. 'You can suck my balls, too, if you want to. Only don't make it so good that I'll unload my come in your throat because I've got to save that for your asshole, remember?'
"But I wasn't remembering anything right then. All I could think of was the first-time thrill of sucking a man's big, hard penis and tasting the juice of its passion. And Lewis had said that I Could suck his balls, too, if I wanted. Oh my goodness, the thought of taking into my mouth the sack full of glands that held all of his creamy-sweet sperm sent little electric shivers clear through me, tingling my rigid nipples and making my rectum twitch something awful.
"I couldn't wait. Taking one more big suck of his mighty, pulsating shaft, I pried his legs open wide with my hands, turned my face under his hairy crotch and gulped in first one and then the other of Lewis's testicles. Really, how could I help myself? I was out of my mind with the most devastating passion I'd ever known! I would've eaten his balls right out of him if he'd let me. Instead, I did the next most satisfying thing, munching away on them and sucking and rolling them around inside my mouth, imagining that maybe I could draw some of his precious come out that way.
" 'Sonovabitch!' Lewis gasped. 'You're absolutely the most, woman! Never, but never, have I ever had my balls sucked like this!'
'Then I did something really shameful, something that will prove to you just how insanely passionate I was. I worked my long forefinger deep into his rectum and commenced to masturbate him frantically with my other hand. In other words, I was determined not to miss a single trick, not to leave anything undone that might stop the mounting excitement in my own rectum. I suppose that's what I was really trying to do in my crazed state ... communicate to him how starved I was for the special brand of sex we were getting ourselves involved in, especially the hot fucking he'd promised to give me in my rear.
"Anyway, Lewis got the message. And how he got the message! 'Enough of that, you cannibalistic little bitch!' he snapped after a moment or two, pushing my head out from under his crotch. 'It's time now for your ass fucking. and woman, let me tell you that you're really going to get the ass fucking of your life. I'm going to ream out your asshole so good and fill your guts with so much of my boiling come that you won't be able to sit for a year.'
"I don't know, maybe he realized it and maybe he didn't, but those lewd, sadistic-sounding threats of his were music to my ears.
" 'All right, mister, you can fuck me in my rear now,' I said, getting back on my hands and knees at the edge of the bed, my big, tingling bottom poised up high and wide for the thrust of his magnificent meat. 'Only, please, put some Vaseline or spit in the opening of my rectum so it'll go in easy without hurting. I've only been fucked there once before by my ex-husband and his thing wasn't nearly as big as yours.'
" 'Only once before? Damn, that's hard to believe!' Lewis exclaimed as he stared in wonderment at my rectum. 'By the size of your asshole and the way it's winking at me in anticipation, you'd think a thousand big cocks had banged you in there.'
"Of course, my rectum was completely beside itself with hot, throbbing passion by now and that, no doubt, was why it appeared so extra large and overly fucked. Or maybe mine is just naturally large, I don't know. After all, I've never actually seen it myself.
"However, to get back to Lewis, it only took him a split second to smear a little spit on the head of his great shaft and get it aimed in the right direction. Once the head had eased nicely into the orifice-which was reacting to the erotic feel with a loosening, encircling welcome-Lewis took hold of my hip bones and pulled hard, at the same time giving his quivering hard on a series of little prods.
" 'Ah, yeah, you passionate little cunt, your asshole is really ripe for fucking,' he groaned as his hot meat sunk deeper and deeper into my rear. 'I can feel the muscles inside grabbing and sucking, begging for more and more of my cock. Oooh, baby, it's good in there! No wonder you love to be fucked in the ass ... your asshole is ten times more passionate than any pussy I've had. Shit, woman, you're perfect.'
"He obviously was talking dirty to encourage me to do the same, but I didn't mind at all because it was adding to the excitement.
" I'm so glad you like fucking my asshole,' I moaned truthfully, completely consumed by the sheer ecstasy of his huge organ jammed to the hilt in my rear, 'because I like it, too. I mean, I love it! It feels so ... marvelous ... so heavenly ... so damned fucking good! Oh, shit, mister, your big cock feels so great in my ass, I could keep it in there forever!' Ohhhhhhhhhhh, wow, I'm starting to come! Now ... now- I'm coming ... coming!!! Don't stop ... fuck me harder, harder ... faster, faster!!! Ooooooooh-Eeeeeeeeee!!!'
"Lewis was coming, too. I could feel his torrent of boiling lava pouring high into my intestines. It was so wonderful, something like an enema only a thousand times more erotic and thrilling. In fact, it was partly the thrill of his sperm splashing deep into my rectum that gave me such a tremendous explosion of a climax.
"Never, but never, have I ever been so thoroughly screwed. When Lewis let go of my hips and withdrew his meat from my rear, I just sprawled forward on my stomach and went instantly to sleep, a heavy, euphorious sleep in which I seemed to be very keenly aware of owning a well-stretched, well-loved bottom.
"And Lewis ... well, I don't know whether he collapsed after our wild session or not because he was gone when I awoke. He'd done the little amount of work necessary to complete the repairs in my shower and had quietly left the house, leaving a brief note which read, 'You're great but my instinct of self-preservation tells me that I had better not come back for seconds.' I suppose he was referring to the way I had ravaged his testicles.
"Anyway, Lewis was true to his word, for I never saw him again. I was tempted to call for some more plumbing repairs but didn't want to suffer the possible embarrassment of getting another man who'd either turn out to be my ex-husband's type or worse. Actually, I didn't need Lewis to satisfy my particular sex need when I was in heat because I soon had the good fortune of meeting someone else who was every bit as good, if not better."
Deborah K. has stated in her narrative that the reason she was unable to achieve an orgasm in vaginal intercourse-and therefore the reason for her entrance into the world of anal ism-was that her vagina was too small to comfortably accept an erect penis, even though she has described her husband's penis as being relatively small, at least in relation to Lewis's.
While the possibility exists that her vagina actually is too small to allow her to enjoy vaginal intercourse, there is the distinct possibility that she was suffering from a mild case of vaginismus.
Vaginismus is a strong muscular contraction in the vagina entrance whenever there is an attempt at penetration which prevents insertion of the penis. In Deborah's case her husband was able to penetrate her, but the muscular contraction was strong enough to prevent any enjoyment of the act on her part. This muscular contraction of the vagina during sexual intercourse is totally psychological in origin.
The usual reason for vaginismus is some form of psycho-sexual disturbance as a child. It is frequently caused by fear and anxiety regarding painful intercourse, guilt feelings about intercourse, fear of pregnancy, or ignorance about the sex act itself. In Deborah's case there is a supplementary report that she was present at the birth of her younger sister, the report indicating that the childbirth was prolonged and of an extremely painful nature.
It is quite possible that the memories of this experience are responsible for both Deborah's vaginismus and her ability to enjoy anal intercourse.
Analism is one of the defined stages of the development of infantile sexuality, and in the course of his studies of infantile sexuality, Freud discovered that the sexual aims of the anal deviant were virtually identical with those of a child.
More specifically, in sexual deviations adult sexuality is supplanted by infantile sexuality. However, in Deborah's case this represents an oversimplified explanation of her current psychoanalytic concepts regarding her sexual deviation.
At the onset, it should be pointed out that sexual deviations such as analism have been practiced throughout history, among almost all societies and at certain times and in certain cultures, such as in Classical Greece, have been generally accepted and even esteemed.
Thus, Freud described sexual deviations as "universally human." Deviant tendencies such as Deborah's and even her eventual habitual anal acts, or at least adult fantasies regarding such deviant acts, occur in the life of each and every individual, normal and sexually deviant alike.
Dr. O. Fenichel's comments in The Psychoanalytic Theory of Neurosis are particularly appropriate:
Since the aims of perverse sexuality are identical with those of infantile sexuality, the possibility for every human being to become perverse under certain circumstances is rooted in the fact that he was once a child.
In other words, perverse or deviant acts such as Deborah's analism are exaggerated distortions of acts which also occur as part of the sexual behavior of normal individuals. The crucial difference lies in the fact that the deviant act does not represent the sole source of sexual excitation and gratification for the sexually normal individual, as it does with Deborah.
To illustrate in another area, the sexual actions of foreplay which Deborah reported enjoying so much prior to the unsatisfying intercourse represent a regression to infantile sexuality. However, in our culture at least, such foreplay is appropriately regarded as completely normal behavior. It becomes deviant only when this forepleasure is more satisfactory to the individual than genital union, as it was with Deborah.
While foreplay as the primary source of sexual pleasure for Deborah represented a form of sexual deviation, it is also somewhat misleading. Actually, such sexually pathological states which represent nothing more than a direct regression to infantile sexuality are not to be considered typical deviational behavior.
Like the normal adult, a typical anal deviant such as Deborah can achieve a satisfactory orgasm through the anal act once the obstacles which block sexual gratification are removed, either by the elimination of the feared form of the sex act or by the performance of the desired deviant sexual act.
The point is that deviant sexual acts such as gaining pleasure only from foreplay or gaining sexual gratification from the anal act alone are not simply psychologically disorganized activities reminiscent of the polymorphous perverse sexuality of children or of infantile or retarded personalities. Rather, it is organized under the guidance of one component instinct of infantile sexuality, in this case a regression to the anal-erotie stage. The satisfaction of this anal-erotic instinct makes complete and satisfactory orgasm possible for the deviant during anal intercourse even though this is not possible during vaginal intercourse.
Like the neurotic, a sexual deviant like Deborah has specific psychopathological repressions. She has unconscious oedipal conflicts and a strong unconscious fear of childbirth, brought on by her observation of the birth of her sister. Similarly, disturbances in genital primacy in neurosis and in sexual deviations alike may be attributed to these same factors. Anxiety and guilt feelings are always associated with the Oedipus complex.
Anxiety over loss of love or sexual excitement is less important than sexual deviations such as analism than it is in the various neuroses. Rather, classical psychoanalytic theory holds that it is always the guilt feelings and fear which prevent the deviant from achieving sexual gratification through normal acts. In Deborah's case, then, the sexual deviation serves as a denial of the possibility that she will ever experience the pain her mother went through in childbirth. When the denial of this fear is successful, as it is in anal intercourse, sexual pleasure and orgasm become possible.
"Dwight didn't just pop into my life out of the blue, so to speak. No, first there was Todd, the shoe store clerk, whom I met about a week after my very wild but short-lived acquaintance with Lewis. Having fitted me with a new pair of shoes and in the process, ogled my legs thoroughly, Todd invited me to lunch with him, then to a nightclub that evening, followed by a late visit to his apartment. But-get this-all the guy wanted to do in the way of sex was watch me promenade around in the nude while he masturbated himself. Can you imagine? So, of course, I dropped that screwball-but fast.
"Then there was Tony, the elderly artist I met a few days later in the park where he was all set up with his easel, painting landscape. Very naively I accepted Tony's invitation to see his collection of finished canvases and accompanied him to his studio. But, as it turned out, the dirty old man had other things on his mind. Which wouldn't have been so bad, if he'd been able to get a hard on or wanted to do more than lick my vagina. One look at that little shriveled-up peanut of his and I suddenly remembered that I had an urgent appointment somewhere else.
"A couple of more weeks went by. Then I had the good fortune-at least I thought it was good fortune at the time-of meeting Dwight. Ah, yes, I sure looked upon him as a godsend. What-a-Man Dwight, I. called him. He was visiting his sister, a close neighbor friend and when I dropped in to borrow a dress pattern from her, Dwight and I took to each other immediately, talking up a storm about his hobby, which was collecting antique sabers, of all things and about recent motion pictures we'd seen.
"That evening around eight, Dwight, stole over to my place after telling his sister that he was going out to look up an old Marine Corps buddy. And he brought a fifth of sherry wine with him, saying very charmingly: 'I hope you. won't think me overly presumptuous, Deborah, but Sis is a teetotaler and I'm dying to have a drink of something besides coffee, especially with some nice person like yourself.'
" "Why, I'd be delighted to share a nip or two of wine with you, Dwight,' I told him, going after glasses. 'You know, I was hoping that someone would drop in. There isn't a thing worth seeing on television tonight.' And- wouldn't you know it?-as I walked to the kitchen for the glasses, I was careful to walk in that certain way that accentuated the curve of my rear. I did it because, really, I just couldn't help myself. It was that time of month and I was in heat again!
"Of course, visiting with Dwight and his sister earlier in the afternoon hadn't helped my smoldering passion any because most of the time he'd sat right across from me, his pants bulging at the crotch, exciting me with the knowledge that beneath his fly was a soft but truly enormous penis. Or had it been soft? The way he kept glancing at my legs when I accidentally on purpose opened them a few inches with the hemline above my knees, he might've been aroused to at least a half-hard on.
"Anyway, it certainly didn't take long for me to learn the truth about the size of Dwight's organ. Because the first thing he said when I returned with the glasses was, 'Hey, girl, if I may be so bold, you've got a helluva nice shape. I mean, for a gal who lives by herself, you sure look sexy. When you walked into the kitchen just now, I couldn't keep my eyes off you.'
" Well, thank you, Dwight,' I answered happily as I sat the glasses down on the coffee table and poured the sherry. 'I make a special effort to keep my girlhood figure through diet and exercise, so it's really heartening to me that you noticed. In fact, it may surprise you to know that in my younger days I actually gave some serious thought to a career as a stripper.' Which was a big lie, of course. I was just fishing for a certain kind of male reaction-and hoping that Dwight would grab at the bait.
"He did grab at it. I mean, he reacted exactly like the full-blooded male wolf I suspected he was. 'Yeah, girl, you would make a terrific stripper with that beautiful body of yours,' he said, gulping down a big swallow of wine as he ran his eyes hungrily over my large, pointed breasts and down the curve of my hips. 'And, what's more, I would be your most loyal audience, coming to see your every performance, especially if you stripped down completely nude. Wow, I'll bet you're really something in the nude!'
"I had intended to sit down on the divan beside him and carry on some polite conversation before trying any blatant seduction, but instead I just stood there in front of him, taking big swallows from my wine glass, wondering if he was the kind of man who liked to fuck women in their rectum. If he wasn't that kind of man, then, hell, I was wasting my time. Even at that moment, I could feel my whole rear burning and tingling with mounting passion, craving desperately to be filled with a big, hard penis-but I would've rather had no sex at all than the disappointment of a little fondling on my rear or the tease of a tiny, boy-sized shaft in it,
"Call it feminine intuition or anything else you want to, but there was something about Dwight, sitting there drooling at my body, that told me to drop all of my inhibitions and get on with the show.
" 'So ... you honestly think I'd be nice to look at in the nude, do you?' I asked, peering challengingly at Dwight over my glass. 'All right, mister, just to show how much I appreciate your nice compliment, I will strip down nude for you. More than that, I'll do a little routine for you a la burlesque. That is, if you think, you can keep control of yourself. Burlesque routines can get pretty torrid, you know.'
"I didn't know any real honest-to-goodness burlesque routines but that didn't matter. The movements I had in mind would be a reasonable facsimile, I figured and would produce the desired effect in Dwight if he was half the man he seemed to be. So what if I was rushing things? I had to rush, being in desperate heat like that. and besides, Dwight had encouraged me, hadn't he? If I was shoving myself at him like a brazen whore, it was as much his fault as mine.
" 'I don't know, beautiful, whether I can keep control of myself or not,' Dwight sort of muttered, the bulge of his fly beginning to rise in anticipation. Then he poured us both another round of sherry and said, 'Here, drink this down and let's give it a try, shall we? Show me your naked ass and shake it around close in front of me, then if I lose control and haul you off to the bedroom we'll either know that I'm very weak or you're completely irresistible.'
"Ah, wonderful, wonderful, I thought, he's attracted especially to my rear! That was just the inspiration I needed. Gulping down all of my wine in one big draught, I purred as sexily as I knew how, 'All right, here goes, my own special routine called the dance of the passionate female ass.' And with that I tossed Dwight my empty wine glass, glanced quickly at the window shades to make sure they were all down and started bumping and grinding my hips in rhythm with the soft radio music, at the same time unzipping my dress.
" 'Yeah, baby, I sure can see that you're doing the dance of the passionate female ass,' Dwight sort of stammered, tossing down the last of his sherry and pouring himself another. 'Go ahead ... go ahead, baby ... swing and sway that big, beautiful, delicious ass of yours! You've really got it, baby, the most lovable ass I've ever seen on a woman ... and by far the hottest.'
"By now I was completely nude and already I could feel my rectum beginning to pulse and tingle with increasing desire for Dwight's hot, throbbing ramrod. In fact, it seemed that my rear was taking over full command of my dancing, forcing me to turn around and way over so that the entire crevice between my cheeks would be on vivid display as it swayed and undulated close in front of Dwight.
"Then involuntarily, impelled by the most powerful instincts of my nature, I spread my legs far apart so that my lone male audience might see every little detail of my rear crevice, even the details of my open, hanging vagina. I remembered what Dwight had just said about me having the most lovable and hottest ass he'd ever seen. This would be the acid test of his sincerity. If he was attracted as much to my rectum as to the cheeks of my ass, then he'd be definitely my man.
"Well, I must say, he passed the acid test with flying colors. 'Sonovabitch!' he gasped in awe. 'Look at that asshole, would ya! It's ... it's absolutely gorgeous, all satiny smooth and puffed out like a little doughnut, opening and closing like ... like it's grabbing for me ... begging to be kissed and fucked! I've gotta have it! I've gotta put my tongue and cock in it!'
"The next instant Dwight had me in his arms and was carrying me into my bedroom. 'Oh, Dwight,' I moaned, absolutely delirious with happy anticipation, 'I'm so glad that I affect you this way ... I'm so hot for you ... so much in need of your big, hard cock in my passionate rectum!'
" 'Yeah, baby, we need each other, you and I,' . he answered, playing his fingers all up between my fanny cheeks even as he carried me. "We're both in love with this one particular brand of sex and that's not easy, finding such compatibility.'
'Then he put my naked, passion-ridden body down on the bed, eased me over onto my back and pushed my legs back high and wide. 'Now hold it like that, beautiful, while I lift up your big, soft baby ass and put a pillow under it. Some ass-lovers prefer the hands-and-knees position but I personally think it's better this way because I like to kiss the girl and suck her tits while I'm fucking her butthole. Tell me, how do you prefer it?'
" This way is just fine,' I answered. 'Only please hurry because my rectum is starving for love.'
" 'Patience, girl. I don't even have my clothes off yet. You wouldn't want me to fuck you with clothes on, would you?'
" 'No, of course not, but please, please hurry!'
" You'd like to have a gander at my cock, too, wouldn't you?' he said, rushing to get his clothes off. 'I think it's only fair to warn you, my cock is pretty big, though I believe that magnificent asshole of yours can take it easy enough if I Use plenty of lubrication.'
"Then he dropped the last of his underwear and peering down between the raised fork of my legs, I saw his tool. And what a tool! I could hardly believe my eyes, because it was even bigger and prettier than Lewis's. And what balls! Honestly, I'm not exaggerating, Dwight's balls would've done justice to a fully grown bull.
" 'Oh, Dwight, your cock is just beautiful,' I complimented him as he crawled onto the bed, proudly displaying himself. 'So what if it is a little big? I'm going to adore having it deep in my rear, fucking like crazy. Only, please, won't you hurry? Spit on it or something and put it in before I die of frustration.'
" 'Damn, I didn't think it was possible for a woman to have such a hot ass!' he replied, grinning widely. 'Okay, baby, as my horny old grand pappy used to say to grand mammy, "Back your ass against the wall, here I come, balls and all." ' And with that little quip, Dwight sighted in on the bull's-eye of the doughnut-shaped target and poised himself for the grand thrust.
"Perhaps I should mention in passing that Dwight was much more experienced at this sort of thing than Lewis. At least, he had twice as much expertise. Instead of using spit on the head of his great shaft, he stirred it around in the deep pool of natural lubrication between the lips of my vagina. Then, true to his word, he slid himself up on me and commenced to suck the nipple of one of my breasts very hotly before inserting his big, rigid whang in my bottom and driving it deep with a series of gentle but firm little thrusts.
"Man oh man, what a terrific sensation that was, feeling Dwight's great mass of hot, throbbing meat sinking deeper and deeper into my fuck-starved rectum. Soon great tidal waves of electricity were racing madly through my hard, swollen breasts, down over my stomach and thighs, reaching clear to the tips of my toes. My whole body began to quiver and shake with the mounting intensity of my passion and I could feel my clit jumping extra wildly, the juice spewing from inside my vagina in a mighty, ever-increasing torrent.
'"Oh, yes, yes, fuck my ass real good!' I begged, becoming absolutely insane with the desperation of my enormous passion and lust. 'Please, please ram that giant man-cock all the way up my ass! Bang it harder, harder! I love it ... oh, how I do love it! I need your wonderful, glorious fucking in my ass ... I need it ... I've got to have it!'
"And What-a-Man Dwight did exactly as I asked, banging his magnificent fuck-tool into my rear harder and harder while he sucked on my nipples faster and faster. From the mounting violence of his humping and the increasing loudness of his moaning, hissing breath, I could tell that he was building fast to a gigantic orgasm.
"Then, suddenly, Dwight jerked his mouth away from my breasts, glanced at my face with a glassy-eyed look of agonized ecstasy and gasped, 'Yeah, baby, that's right, milk my dick good with those nice tight muscles of your asshole. Milk away, you beautiful, big-assed bitch, milk away! You're driving me plumb out of my fucking mind, making me come, making me come! Ohhhhhhhh, I'm coming, coming ... deep, deep, deep in your ass!!!'
"Wow, did that man ever come! Honestly, it felt like he was firing his boiling cream into my rear with a fire hose. And talk about a thrill- I've never, but never, felt such a sublime sensation. It was like ... like ... well, like nothing I can really describe. I suppose the Closest I can come to it is the feeling you get when you get under a hot shower after coming in from an icy blizzard.
"Yes, of course, Dwight's fabulous climax deep in my rear had the effect of triggering an equally great climax in me. I had an earth-shattering climax such as scant few women have in their entire lifetime-probably only one woman in ten million. Because it was a sort of double climax centered in my vagina and my rectum. And it can only happen when a woman's rectum contains as many sexually sensitive nerve endings as mine. At least, that's what I read once in a sexology book.
"So there Dwight and I lay in the aftermath of our gloriously wild ass fucking orgy, he sprawled out on his back beside me, his penis as limp as a wet noodle and I turned over on my stomach, trying to relax the pangs of my well-stretched rectum. Very soon we were both fast asleep, recuperating for yet another sensational anal orgy-and another and another. For there wasn't much doubt about it- Dwight and I had truly found sexual compatibility and as a direct consequence, had fallen very much in love with each other.
"Did we get back into sex immediately after waking up? Well, no, not immediately. Dwight had a little telltale brown on his battered organ that needed to be washed off and I had great gobs of dried come all around my tail that also needed to be cleaned up. Also, we'd worked up an enormous appetite with all that frantic ass fucking and needed the strength that some food would give us. However, you can be sure that it didn't take Dwight and me long to shower, eat and get back on the sheets.
" 'C'mon, beautiful,' he said with a big, lascivious grin as he laid me on my back and reached for the pillow to prop under my rear, 'I know your sweet little asshole must be kind of sore from all that hot fucking it had a few hours ago, so now I'm going to give it a certain very gentle treatment that is also one of my specialties. Don't ask me to explain, just hoist up your legs high and wide like before, then relax and enjoy it.'
"Relax, he said. But how was I supposed to relax with him doing one of the most exciting things I'd ever had done to me? All with his tongue! That's right, he lowered his face down between the spread cheeks of my rear, stuck out that long, snakelike tongue of his and the next thing I knew he was twirling and jabbing and licking it in every part of my rear, even up front in my vagina, swirling it around like crazy.
" 'Oh, sweety, that feels so good!' I moaned in sheer delight. 'You've got such a long, hot, magnificent and talented tongue. Please, darling, shoot it into my vagina and give me a good, hot tongue fucking there. I would dearly love to come that way, then come again with your tongue fucking in my rectum. Okay, darling? Will you do that for me?'
" 'You bet I will, mama,' he muttered, his face still deep in my crotch, 'but you don't need to ask. I was going to do it, anyway, plus a lot more. Now will you please relax and shut up? This is no time for idle conversation.'
"So I shut up and tried again to relax, something I found to be quite impossible when that snake tongue of Dwight's darted into my vagina hole. In fact, he drove me into another state of mad, delirious passion before long with his terrific tongue action and gave me two more tremendous orgasms, once with his tongue working away in my vagina and once with it jabbing my rectum, both times with his expert index finger in the opposite hole.
"Now you know why I call him What-a-Man Dwight. Or rather I should say, I used to call him that. You see, I haven't seen him for three months and I suspect that I'll never see him again. He just up and disappeared one day, calling me on the telephone a week later to tell me that my passionate rear was just too much for him. He said that he'd lost too much weight on account of my insatiable passion and just couldn't afford to lose any more.
"Really, what's a girl like me supposed to do to get and keep a man?"
Since Deborah has been able to get around the emotional problems which triggered her assumed vaginismus through anal intercourse, it is doubtful if she will ever return to vaginal intercourse. She seems to have no trouble finding men who are able to satisfy her need for anal intercourse and orgasm, and as long as it is not upset by a desire to have a child, we can assume that she has made a satisfactory adaptation to her problem. Even if she should desire to have a child, this can be arranged by artificial insemination. Because the vaginismus is psychologically caused and generally relates only to penile intromission, there is generally no trouble from it during childbirth, despite the fact that in this case the condition is caused by unconscious fear of childbirth.
CHAPTER THREE - Back Door Divorce
"It's sort of difficult to talk about my sex life. You know, my generation wasn't as glib and frank as today's ... I don't think being frank is a bad thing, only difficult-for me.
"It'll be easier for me to start off with the harmless material. My name is Janet D., I'm thirty-nine and I've been divorced for five years.
"I was married when I was twenty-one and stayed married to the same man until I was thirty-four. Not a bad run, I don't mind saying.
"We got divorced for the most common of reasons. My husband and I just grew apart. We weren't the same people thirteen years later. Our sex life wasn't bad, but it wasn't the end of the world for me, either.
"It was rough getting out in the world again without the security of being married. Remember, I was thirty-four then and that's not young out here. If you're a woman over twenty-three, guys in southern California really don't want to know you.
"It really gives me a laugh. Everyone seems to believe the old saw about the 'older, experienced woman.' What they mean to say is that once a woman gets used to having a man, she'll do damn near anything to get another one.
"Well, women aren't like that. I don't need sex in the way that men seem to. I need affection and concern and a man who makes me feel secure. When I get that, the sex part of it is terrific!
"My problem-if that's what it's called-is that I sort of like to feel ... humiliated, I'd guess you'd say. I don't know. It's not that I want to be treated badly, but in final analysis maybe it does.
"I'm not being totally honest with you and I think that I must, if this is going to make any sense. While I was married I wasn't faithful to my husband.
"I didn't cheat like crazy, but once I got a taste of extramarital sex, I realized I couldn't stop. And that's what really caused the divorce. I knew it wasn't fair to jack-my husband-to be doing that to him. I respected him as a man and I wouldn't deceive him on a long-term basis, which is what would have happened if I hadn't divorced him.
"I was faithful for a long time, almost all of our married life. But then Jack started complaining that I was sex crazy and that he couldn't satisfy me. It was beginning to get to me. I'd been raised in a way that made it proper for a girl to make advances to a man and by the time I'd shed that inhibition, it turns out that the man I'm making advances to doesn't want me!
"So I got to feeling unattractive and sort of dead inside. I wasn't sure of myself as a woman anymore. Godawful feelings all day long and I wasn't able to get a damned thing done around the house.
"And of course, instead of improving myself I was allowing myself to fall apart in every way -my looks, my conversation, my interests, they were all dying.
"So, one day I got a call from a sales agency. There's a million of them in southern California. They want to sell you everything from water softeners to movie equipment. They wanted to know if I'd see their salesman. That didn't turn me on at all, but then the girl on the phone said, 'Of course, we mean when both you and your husband are present.'
"Well, what she was saying was now interesting. Jack happened to be in Santa Barbara for two days, but I told the girl to send the man over at five. That's when my husband got home, I told her.
"Well, I took a nice long bath, fixed my hair, put on an attractive outfit-not too obvious, but one that really showed off my figure. I was ready for that doorbell at five o'clock!
"Promptly at five the doorbell rang. I was living in an adults only apartment building then, so I wasn't worried about anyone seeing a man enter my apartment when my husband was away.
"If you knew what goes on in those buildings! But one thing you have to say about them, you are as free from social pressure as you will ever be if you live in one.
"Anyway, I opened the door and invited the young man in. And he was young! He couldn't have been over twenty-two, maybe three, judging from his face and his build. He looked shy, which I thought was strange for a salesman.
"He looked around and I realized he was curious where my husband was. 'Oh,' I said. 'My husband is not here yet, but please have a seat and wait. He'll be here shortly.'
" 'Okay,' he said, smiling. He sat down on the sofa and said, 'I can't really begin, my sales presentation until he gets here because it all follows and I have to give it in sequence.' He had a look on his face that indicated that he felt he'd said too much, but I looked as sweetly dumb as I could and asked him if he'd like a drink.
'That brought him to life. 'Sure,' he. said. Whatever you've got!'
"He was expecting coffee, or some other non-stimulating beverage, so when I returned with two bloody marys he really sat up. 'I'm not supposed to drink during a presentation,' he said.
" 'Hush,' I told him. 'You'll have that finished by the time my husband arrives and anyway, vodka doesn't smell on your breath.'
"That seemed to calm him down. I looked him over closely and I decided he was real cute. He looked like he had a good build too, flat tummy, small behind and a nice lump in the front of his pants.
" What does your husband do?' he asked.
"'He's in real estate. He's due back from Santa Barbara where he went to make a deal.'
"He kind of thought that over for a minute and I could see his eyes appraising my figure. I'm a tall girl, as you can see-five-eleven without shoes-and I've got a full figure. When I was twenty, my figure was forty-thirty-thirty-eight. I sure had a lot of boys around me then!
"And as you can see, the only real change in my figure has been a few inches around the waist, which I'm trying to take off! But with proper clothing, I still look about the same, figure-wise, as I did then.
"Anyway, he was impressed with me, I could tell that. Only thing was, he didn't know how to manage the Conversation about my husband.
"I figured I'd let him have at least one more drink before I spelled it out for him.
"He'd already gulped down the first one, so I ran off to make us each another. Mine only required freshening, but I gave him a real strong one.
"Midway through the second drink he began to get the idea. I saw the expression on his face change and then he was smiling at me. 'What time did you say your husband was due back?'
"I gave him a big smile in return, only now I was getting nervous. It was time to make a decision and suddenly it hit me full force what I was doing. I'd been faithful to my husband up till then and being unfaithful that first time took more nerve than I thought it would.
"But I was already committed. Damn it, I wanted a man to make love to me, not merely service me and that was the feeling that I'd had with Jack lately. He made it seem like he was doing his duty when he made love to me and I didn't like that one bit.
" 'Gee, now that you mention it I think I'd better check. He should've been here by now.' I put my drink down and went into the bedroom. I told him the phone was in there. It was. I made believe I was making a call to Santa Barbara, only all I did was dial the number for the correct time and then added three digits to my dialing so that, if he was listening, he'd hear all ten digits being dialed-three for the area code and seven for the number.
'Then I went into a big spiel with an imaginary Jack and of course it wound up with me coming back into the living room and shrugging my shoulders helplessly. 'I'm so sorry,' I said. 'He won't be back till tomorrow. I guess that ruins your sales pitch.'
"He smiled and patted the sofa next to him. 'Sit down,' he said. 'Yours was the only call I was making tonight, so let's relax a little. I don't have a damn thing to do now and if you don't mind, I'd like another drink.'
"I didn't want him to get plastered, so I figured I'd just show him where it was at. I smiled at him as I sat down next to him. He was almost drooling as he saw the size of my tits close up and I said, 'Do you like big ones, honey?'
"He looked up at me. 'My name's Mel,' he said. 'And I do love them. Yours are perfect!'
" 'How can you tell? They're all covered up and I could be wearing a strong support-for all you know, they hang down to my knees!'
"That was all he needed. In one sudden motion he was by my side, his face buried in my cleavage. He was licking and kissing and it felt real good. 'Hey!' I said. 'Let's go into the bedroom!'
"I showed him the way. His prick was almost poking through his pants and he was in a hurry to strip down. He stripped first while I watched and by that time all my qualms about deceiving Jack had left.
"He had a nice body. His cock was pretty big and I liked the way it sort of angled-it looked like it would be kind of fun to be diddled by. He stood there and I walked all around him, running my hands over him. He was hot as a. firecracker. I hoped he wasn't so hot he'd just put it in and come.
" 'C'mon,' he said. Take your clothes off.' I sort of figured he'd want to do that-Jack always liked to take my clothes off. I pushed him gently onto the bed and he sat there on the edge while I stood in front of him and peeled down.
"His eyes almost came out of his head while he watched me. I'm a big girl, as I said and I don't need any supports-not yet, anyway. My tits are huge, but they still ride pretty high and they are easily my best feature. I had no idea that he was more interested in another aspect of my person because every man I'd ever been with had freaked over my tits.
"But Mel was an ass man and when he told me to turn around I could hear his breathing speed up. I knew a lot of guys liked to look at girls from behind, but he was the first one I'd ever met.
" 'You've got a beautiful, sexy ass,' he said. I giggled and turned around. 'We've been talking all night,' I said. 'Let's get going!'
"He smiled and I jumped on the bed. He ran his fingers through my hair and I could feel him putting pressure on my head, pushing it down towards his lap. I let him do the pushing, even though I knew what he wanted-the same thing all men seem to want. A little mouth before they really get turned on. I liked to do it, but I also like them to force me a little. He kept pushing and then ... there it was, right in front of my face-thick, rigid and pulsating.
"I grabbed his cock and held it good and tight, squeezing it a little and watching it throb. It stuck out of my fist a good three inches. I was holding it by the shaft.
"I lowered my mouth to it and gently licked the knob all over and he twisted and moaned and pushed my head some more. He wanted me to suck it in.
"I opened my mouth and took in the head of his cock. Then I lightly clamped my lips around it and sucked easily, gently, because I didn't want to give him too much at once. He liked that and I felt the pressure relax on my head. He was at ease now, letting me suck him all I wanted.
"I shifted my position so that I was more in line with his cock and then released it from my hand. It stood up perfectly, running in a straight line from his lap up into my mouth.
"I lowered my head on his tool, allowing him to fuck it into my mouth. Jack loves cock-sucking, so I'm pretty good at it, with all the practice I got sucking him off. Mel pumped gently because he didn't want to hurt me, but I was able to take as much cock into my mouth as he could give me.
"I never stopped strumming him with my tongue and allowing the pressure of my lips to build up a tight seal around the shaft. He was lost now, what with the drinks taking hold and my mouth loving him up.
"I felt him shifting under me and then his mouth was between my legs and he was eating me out in a big way. His teeth sort of hurt at first, because he was one of those guys who like to alternate being gentle with being rough. I liked it, because I always respond to a little roughness.
"I was on top, resting on my knees and my elbows. He was underneath, on his back, his head between my legs. He was licking me now and he knew enough about the way women are built to not just stick his tongue in my hole. He worked it around, searching for my clit and when he found it nestled there, he sucked it and bit and rolled it around on his tongue and I was coming at the rate of an orgasm a minute before he was done.
"And all the while I was sucking him deeper and deeper into my mouth, not caring anymore if he came or not. I like to have a man come in my mouth when I'm hot and coming myself. I like the taste and the feel of it more than anything right then. Of course, at other times I don't like it at all.
"But he had no intention of coming in my mouth, though I didn't know it at the time. He let me suck him right up to the point of no return, but then he suddenly pulled out and gave., me a final kiss on the cunt. 'Enough of that,' he said. I was interested now. He was the first man who'd ever stopped sucking before I wanted to.
" 'I like to come in places other than your mouth,' he said. Hell, if he wanted to fuck he could be more direct than that, I thought.
"I got onto my back and spread my legs. 'C'mere,' I said. I really enjoy a good strong fuck after sucking-most girls do.
"He climbed on top and stuffed his meat right into me. I almost cried out when he did. I've got a small cunt and most men think that a girl my size has a cunt like a sugar bowl, but it just isn't so. And I haven't had any children, so there's been no stretching. I have a tight cunt and that's one of the reasons I enjoyed fucking so much.
"But he was built pretty big and when he slammed his prick into me, he didn't exactly do it with the greatest gentleness. For a moment I thought I was going to tear, but then he slid in all the way and I wrapped my legs around him and let him pile drive me into another come. God, he could fuck all day and all night, it seemed. His cock seemed to get bigger and bigger and after ten minutes or so I felt like I was impaled on it.
"Then, after I'd come again, he said, 'Roll over. Let's try it a different way.' I'd been fucked dog fashion before and I sort of liked it. I like the feel of a man's balls banging on my ass and besides, getting fucked from behind allows my cunt to be rubbed in the areas that are missed when I fuck the straightway.
"So I rolled over and he whooshed it in and out a few times, but he didn't seem to have his mind on the fucking. Of course, now I know what it was he was doing. But then it just seemed that he was getting tired of the whole affair.
"But then, suddenly, he drew his cock out of me. 'Hang on,' he said. I didn't know what he meant, but then I felt the tip of his prick pressed up against my asshole and my legs drew together involuntarily. 'No,' I said. 'That'll hurt!'
"Nothing I said was going to make any difference. He had his mind made up and he'd been there before. He knew that a girl would need coaxing. 'Listen,' he said. 'Girls built like you, with sweet juicy asses, they just love it once they get used to it.'
"I shook my head. 'No, please,' I said. 'It'll hurt too much and besides, it won't feel good even if it doesn't hurt!'
"That was the wrong thing to say. 'How do you know it won't feel good?' he asked. 'You ever done it before?'
"I hadn't and he knew it. 'No,' I answered weakly, all the time conscious of his cock wedging hard against me. 'It's just that ...' The truth was, I had no answer for him. I didn't know what it would feel like and he knew it.
" 'Listen,' he said, 'it'll feel real good or I wouldn't do it.' He had me there and I felt my legs relaxing, letting him in. He kept up the pressure and suddenly his cock slid into me. Only about an inch, but it felt like a yard and as big around as a baseball bat. 'No!' I said.
" 'Relax,' he said. That doesn't hurt, does it?' The truth was it didn't. It felt sort of uncomfortable, but it didn't hurt. It didn't feel good, but it didn't hurt.
"He let his cock sort of stretch me out a little. He didn't move and pretty soon I felt my asshole relax. It was funny. It was real tight and then it sort of gave, or something and it got bigger. It got loose.
"Then he started feeding more and more of his prick into me. I can tell you, every half-inch of cock felt like ten feet! But it wasn't hurting and now that I was big enough to take him without fear of being hurt I sort of got into it.
"It was so nasty-that's what finally turned me on. It wasn't just that I was being unfaithful to Jack. That was excitement enough. But now I was being unfaithful in a new way. Mel was fucking me in the ass and he was the first man who'd ever done that. It was sort of like giving up your cherry all over again.
"He was grunting now and he was all the way in. It felt damn good by now and I was surprised. Of course now I know that the anal channel can be stimulated and it in turn stimulates the vagina and the clit somehow and it's so tight back there, even when you're stretched out, that it feels like you're being fucked with a telephone pole.
"He was sliding in and out now and I could feel his balls banging on my buttocks. I was twisting my ass and hips around, really trying to get everything I could out of that experience. I felt totally depraved, totally wanton and that was so strong a feeling that I felt myself reddening and my breathing was becoming irregular, I was so excited.
"In all my sex life up till then I'd always been sort of passive. I would do damn near anything a man wanted me to, but I always made sure he led the way and I never did anything on my own.
"But now, with Mel's cock up my ass, I was suddenly overwhelmed with all sorts of delicious sexual feelings. I started playing with myself, fingering my clit and squeezing the lips of my cunt. It felt so good! I hadn't felt that way since the first time I'd masturbated when I was young.
"Mel was talking to me now, telling me that he knew all along I'd love his cock in my ass. I was panting, nodding my head, because he was right!
" "Want me to take it out now?' he asked.
" 'God no!' I yelled, settling back on him so that I was sure to get every inch of meat he had. He laughed and thrust his cock all the way in, rough-like and then started to really hammer it back and forth and I felt sure that it would make me bleed but I didn't care any longer because the pleasure was too intense.
" "You've got to come back,' I said, in a low whisper.
" Why?' he asked, but he knew why.
" 'I got to have more of this!' There was no way I could see myself asking Jack, my husband, to shove his cock up my ass. Besides, it wouldn't be the same. Part of the pleasure of this was the fact that it wasn't my husband doing it!
"I knew right then that my marriage was over. There was no way I could ever say no to Mel and God only knows how many others there would be. All those young boys out there who would do this for me ...
"He was grunting and groaning and beginning to become irregular in his strokes, but I'd come so many times that it didn't bother me at all. It seemed to me that I was barely conscious of the whole thing once he started fucking my ass.
" 'I'm going to come!' he said.
" 'Do it! I want it!' I answered.
"That did it for him. Before I knew it his hands had gripped me by the hips, controlling my motion as he pounded the last few strokes into me.
"My hands were digging between my legs and with one hand I reached all the way back between my legs and felt his hard, thick cock pile-driving into my asshole. God, that felt good, and for the first time I realized how easy it would be to become what people call 'depraved.'
"And then he shot off in my ass and he came and came and of course that set me off all over again. I almost wet the bed with my excitement. He was hard as a log and bigger than ever and I could feel every pulse of his excitement as it fed his juices into me.
"We did it four or five times together in less than a week and then I asked Jack for a divorce."
Janet D. indicates in her narrative that she credits a streak of masochism with her desire for anal intercourse. While there is no doubt that she does have some well-defined masochism in her psychological makeup, we doubt that this was the prime reason for her entry into analism.
Instead, we are inclined to believe that her entry into analism was purely the result of a rebelliousness against the staid, conventional life-style she had lived in for so many years. Once she had broken out of the life-style by participating in an extramarital sex act, the rest followed naturally.
Prohibited kinds of sexual behavior, such as analism, often take on the aspects of novelty and adventure which they probably would not otherwise have. In other words, Janet probably developed this desire for anal intercourse not because she no longer enjoys conventional sex, but because there is the thrill and novelty of committing an act which she would never ever have considered prior to her divorce.
The problem this causes is that, when social convention bans a sex act which a person nonetheless desires, that person has the choice of either consciously favoring the act and unconsciously feeling guilty about it, or consciously being against the act and feeling unconsciously compelled to resort to it anyway. In either event, the banned act is usually, to one degree or another, performed when the desire becomes too strong to resist and then is later regretted. In either case, the end result is a feeling of guilt, caused by the original repression of the forbidden desire, which is then combined with obsessional behavior and frustration.
According to Freud, repression such as Janet endured for several years of marriage is the core symptom for almost every form of sexual deviation, including anal sexual activities. He described the development of frustration and its release, stating that a traumatic experience, usually in childhood and of a sexual or pseudo-sexual nature, is "forgotten," or more properly, "repressed."
However, the excitement associated with the event has not been extinguished and its traces persist in the unconscious in the form of repressed memories. These memories remain without outward effect until some contemporary event, such as Janet's desire for an extramarital affair, revives them. At this point there is a breakdown of the successful repression and "the return of the repressed" which signals the onset of the sexual deviation. In Freud's words:
The original sexual excitement is revived and is now forced to find a new path or outlet. The clinical manifestation or symptom results from a compromise between the repressed desire and what I call the dominant mass of ideas constituting the ego.
Karen Horney, in her book New Ways in Psychoanalysis, saw acts such as analism as being essentially a self-effacing solution to guilt and repressed desires. She stated that, in the self-effacing solution, sexual activity has the greatest appeal for solving such problems. A self-effacing subject, such as Janet, needs to be loved, to give in rather than argue, to please, to be approved of. She is oversensitive and fears criticism, rejection, abandonment and to the degree that she may be able to anticipate these reactions she is usually completely without justification in her fears.
Jack Rubins in his article "On the Early Development of the Self: Its Role in Neurosis," explaining Dr. Horney's theories, stated:
In its extreme form, this solution (self-effacement) may be manifested as morbid dependency and is often characterized by neglect of self so severe as to result in self-elimination. Helplessness has great appeal; consequently, unconscious acting-out through sexual perversion may occur.
In other words, where a deviant personality, in this case Janet D., enters into anal sexual activities because of a strong desire for self-effacement, there is a very real danger that, unless she is able to release her repressions through the anal act, the eventual result may be an attempted suicide.
Wilhelm Reich postulated explanations for the abnormal and/or deviant behavioral patterns of both men and women involved in psychopathological sexual activities, which would include analism.
He believed that the female was of a compulsive character, orderly and thrifty and with a tendency to spend a large part of her time daydreaming. Outwardly at least, she is very well controlled. Inwardly, however, she is distrustful and indecisive. Her affective reactions are diminished almost to the point where effective assertive actions are completely blocked. Reich explained this in The Function of the Orgasm:
These characteristics are the result of fixation at the anal-sadistic level, due to overly strict or premature toilet training. The strong inhibitions which are created at this stage interfere with the progression to the genital phase, and instead, bring about a regression to the earlier stage of anal interests and aggression.
The idea that Janet's desire for anal sexual activity and her eventually aggressive seeking out of men to satisfy this desire, is caused entirely by the toilet training she received as a child may seem like the purest nonsense.
However, psychological researchers, from Freud to the present, put the blame for virtually all abnormal or deviant sexual behavior on events which took place during childhood and which were then repressed until they were brought out by some traumatic experience in adulthood. Janet's traumatic experience, which brought forth her anal desires, was the sudden realization that, after fourteen years of marriage, she wanted to break her marital vows by having sexual intercourse with a man other than her husband.
"As it turned out, Jack wasn't too upset about the divorce. We had been growing apart and it was beginning to show.
"It wasn't anything that either of us caused, or that either of us could help. Jack had been a carefree, devil-may-care guy when I married him, but by the time he was thirty-five he was all business and making money was his whole life.
"And like a lot of guys, he never made much money for himself, but he made a lot of money for the people he worked for.
"I guess that's the way it always is. The real smart people, they just take advantage of a hard-working guy like Jack. They make all the x money and he does all the work.
"Anyway, we separated and split our possessions pretty even-steven. It wasn't a bitter divorce and I'm thankful for that.
"In fact, I think it made Jack secretly happy that he didn't have to bring it up to me. Now he was free to spend all his time on the job or thinking about the job or being with people who were in the same line as he was. That seemed to be all he wanted out of life anyway.
"Jack wanted to move closer to his office so I kept the apartment, which was fine with me. I live in West Hollywood and it's a good area for singles. A lot of restaurants and bars and funny people. Not like the stupid San Fernando Valley.
"Anyway, Mel and I really carried on after Jack left. Mel even moved in with me for a while, but I got tired of him in a hurry.
"First off, he didn't have anything to say and you can only spend so much time in bed. Secondly, he was much too young for me. I felt funny with him when we went out. I always felt that people were looking at me and thinking that I was some sort of freak, dating younger men and all that. It just wasn't true! I would've preferred a man my own age for several reasons, one of them being an older man's ability to be interesting on a wide variety of subjects.
"So Mel moved out and there I was, a fairly young divorced woman with a good job, a great figure and not a soul in the world who cared for her.
"All my friends were married. They were the friends I'd made when Jack and I were married and I always felt funny seeing them after the divorce.
"It was obvious that what I needed was a new circle of friends. But how do you go about finding new friends at my age-preferably single friends?
"Well, that's one of the good things about living in West Hollywood. There are countless little bars filled every night with people from the area and they tend to be show biz types, mostly single. It wasn't long before I became a regular in a couple of places and it wasn't long after that that I had enough new friends to get tired of the phone constantly ringing.
"One night, I'd gotten home from work pretty tired. I was planning to just take a long bath, have a small meal and go to bed.
"But the phone rang. It was Grey, the bartender at one of the places I usually went to. He told me that it was going to be a good night because it was the owner's birthday and as a special treat, all drinks were going to be a dime for the rest of the night.
"I'm not that heavy a drinker, but I knew it was going to be a funny night because a lot of the other regulars were and booze at a dime a glass was bound to provide some hilarious happenings.
"I took a quick shower and changed clothing and went over. The bar is on Santa Monica, right near the Sunset Strip area, where life goes on.
"It was already going pretty strong when I got there. Some people from my crowd were sitting in a booth in the corner so I walked over to them and joined them.
"It was then that I noticed the new man in the group. He was sitting in the corner of the booth with his back to the door, so I hadn't seen him when I came in.
"He looked familiar and after I sat down and was introduced to him, I realized where I'd seen him. He was a character actor and I'd seen him on countless TV shows, always as the villain.
"His name was Jim and he was dark and mean-looking. But he was not mean at all, he was a clown by nature, always making people laugh and a lot of fun to be around. Of course, on the screen he was always terrifying people and acting like a crazy man, but that was because he looked so mean.
"He took one look at me and I knew he wanted to get something going. He had the same effect on me. It wasn't because he was an actor or anything. I would've liked him no matter what he did for a living.
"We spent about an hour in the bar and in that time he maneuvered himself next to me. Before I knew what was going on, he was holding my hand. Then I felt his other hand under the table between my legs.
"Well, it had been a while since I'd been with a .man and my response to him was pretty obvious. He smiled, leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, 'Why don't we get out of here?'
"That was exactly what I wanted, too.
"We said our good-byes and everyone in the booth had a smart comment to make. I guess Jim had a lot of success with women and it wasn't hard to understand.
"The reason I hadn't met him before was because he'd been in Mexico, making a Western and he had only gotten back to town that day.
"We had dinner at a steak house down the street. He was by far the most fascinating man I'd ever met. He was intelligent, with a great sense of humor and he didn't take himself or the world too seriously-which I really like. He liked me, too, I could tell. He looked as if he'd be a wonderful lover. I was only concerned about how I'd hold on to him. A man like that is very attractive and I knew he'd have a dozen girls a day willing to make it with him.
"Hollywood sure has a lot of beautiful girls and most of them will sleep with whomever they find attractive-and they'll do it today, right now ... competition for a great guy is pretty severe in Hollywood.
"We got back to my place about ten-thirty. He was a little tipsy by then, not stumbling drunk or anything. About all we'd had to drink were a few beers and some wine. I guess booze affected him pretty strongly.
"We got inside and I excused myself to freshen up. He sat on the sofa in the living room and started thumbing through a magazine. I hurried up and got back while he was still on the same magazine.
" 'You've got a real nice place,' he said. 'So different from all the other apartments in town.' Of course, he was only teasing. My apartment is just like every other apartment in Los Angeles.
"I sat down next to him and before we said another word we were in each other's arms, kissing and stroking and I knew that, at least for this night, he was mine.
'Then he sat back and looked at me. 'You ever smoke grass?' he asked.
"That stopped me. I never had, though I was pretty curious about it. I wasn't scared of it. After all, something all those kids take can't be all that strong. 'No,' I answered. 'But I've always wanted to.'
"He smiled and reached inside his denim jacket. He was dressed the way you'd expect an actor to be dressed: jeans, cowboy boots, a pullover shirt and a short denim jacket. His hand came out of the pocket, twirling a thin, twisted-up cigarette.
" 'Here it is,' he said. 'Imported from Mexico, guaranteed Acapulco Gold!'
"I'd heard the term before, but I wasn't sure what it meant. That's marijuana, right?' I asked.
"He laughed. The very best, Janet. Here-let me get it going.' He lit it and inhaled, holding the smoke down in his lungs. Finally he exhaled. That's the way you do it, honey,' he said. 'Suck that smoke in, then hold your breath.'
"That didn't sound hard. I took the cigarette from him and did as he told me to. It was very easy. It wasn't as harsh as regular cigarette smoke, so I had no problem inhaling it.
"We passed the joint back and forth and I didn't feel anything. I'd always suspected that this whole marijuana bit was pure mental suggestion, anyway. But just before we put it out-and he kept the butt-it hit me.
"It was a very strong feeling, sort of numbing and it started in my feet and worked its way to my head. I couldn't talk or even think too clearly. I got a little nervous and upset.
"But Jim calmed me down and told me to relax and not fight it, but just concentrate on all the new feelings that were pouring through me.
"I guess we sat there for about fifteen minutes, both of us allowing the stuff to take us up, up and away. When I finally snapped out of it, it seemed as if we'd been there all night, but I checked my watch and saw that we'd only been in my apartment for twenty minutes.
"I turned to Jim to tell him that and I stopped short. He was staring at me, his face sort of slack and I knew he'd been checking me out for a while. I glanced at his lap and he had a big bulge there, which he was stroking with his hand. But then he smiled at me and I got over my funny feeling.
"I couldn't talk. I didn't have to, because I had no objections to Jim's obvious plans. He stood up, leaned over and picked me up!
"Now, I'm a big girl and men don't often do that for me, but it made me feel all small and girlish. He carried me into the bedroom like I was a feather and I think that turned me on as much as anything that happened afterwards. It was the thing that made the relationship between him and me that of a man and a woman, rather than two animals just interested in a climax.
"He helped me undress and I don't think I could've managed without him. That grass was very strong and while I was physically capable of undressing, it seemed to me that I'd forgotten how. That gave me a fit of the giggles and when I tried to explain what I was laughing at, I'd just laugh all the harder.
"So anyway, he stripped down and I .realized he must smoke a lot of grass to be able to be so in charge and know what he was doing.
"He climbed right on top of me and slid his cock all the way in. I loved it! I'd never in my life been so conscious of what getting fucked really feels like. That grass gave my body a super sensitivity and I almost passed out from the pure pleasure sensation of it all.
"But it was going by too quickly. He was so good-looking that I had wanted to suck his cock for a bit and here we were already fucking!
"I decided not to stand on formality. I summoned up all my mind and was able to say, 'Please get off for a minute.'
"He stopped humping and got sort of a funny frown on his face. I wanted to tell him not to worry, that I wasn't changing my mind or anything, but then I decided that rather than try to tell him that, I would show him.
"He turned over and sat there, his legs straight out in front of him on the bed. I knelt beside him, grabbed his cock and swallowed about half of it.
" 'Ahhhh,' he said and I knew it was pleasing him. Another thing ... that was the first time I'd had a cock in my mouth that had already been in my cunt and it was really exciting. I mean, he was covered with my juices and I was tasting myself as well as him..
"It turned me on to a whole lesbian thing and I was thinking that now I knew why some girls suck each other off, because it's a real exciting taste.
'That was all because I was stoned and my mind was wandering all over the place.
"But he was really having a good time and before I knew it I felt his cock hardening and tightening and then he was pumping his come into my mouth.
"I was gulping it and really digging it, because I was so ... stoned. I was coming, too and all I had been doing was sucking him off.
"But I was disappointed, too, because I'd wanted to do so much more.
"After he'd shot it all down my throat, he pulled me around and kissed me full on the lips. That was nice,' he said, 'real nice.'
"I wanted to do something and he sensed it. 'Hey,' he said, 'don't worry about the rest. We've got all night, baby and I'm not a once-a-night man ... not by any means!'
"I smiled and started playing with his cock. Damned if it wasn't hard as a rock again within five minutes after he came! For a man his age, that was next to miraculous and I knew it.
"This time I wasn't taking any chances. I wanted him in me and that's exactly what I got. He climbed on and I locked my legs around him and he humped me good. Being stoned, it seemed like he humped me for two hours. God only knows how long he was on top of me-I guess it could've been anywhere from ten minutes to an hour.
"I came and came and I was getting that randy, horny feeling that really turns me on in a pure sex way. I wanted more and more and I wanted it from him.
"Suddenly, I remembered that he hadn't fucked me in the ass.
"I didn't know how to bring it up to him. I mean, how does a girl ask a man to screw her that way? For all I knew, it would really disgust him and that's the last I'd see of him.
"For a moment, I wished that Mel was there.
'Then I decided to give it a try. I knew it felt good for the man because Mel had told me so and I believed him. After all, it's a tight, well-muscled warm hole and that's what it's all about.
"Jim was still fucking like a stallion and I loved that, too. I was really enjoying to feel that hard cock of his clean me out, knowing that I was going to have the pleasure of that prick in my ass, too.
"I whispered to him that I liked it from behind and he laughed and said he loved to do it that way. We pulled apart and I flipped over onto all fours, while he knelt behind me on the bed.
"But before he shoved his cock in, he leaned forward and nibbled on my pussy for a minute. His tongue was the silkiest thing I'd ever felt. I rubbed my pussy back and forth across his face and he liked it.
'Then I felt his tongue in the crack of my ass. I longed for him to stick his tongue in my asshole, but he just swished it up and down my crack a few times-from top to bottom-and then he got ready to plunge his meat in.
"I let him slam it home, twisting my hips to give him all the more pleasure. He fucked hard, with even, strong strokes. He never took it all the way or played games about fucking. It was in and out, thick and hard and it could take you over for a come in a couple of minutes.
"I'd already lost count of the number of times he'd made me come by then. I was half there, half in a dream world of sex that consisted of my pussy and his cock and a lot of beautiful feelings.
"He fucked and fucked and the more he stroked my cunt, the more I wanted that cock up my ass. I pulled forward quickly as he was on a backstroke and his cock popped out. 'Hey!' he said, 'you're losing me!'
" 'No I'm not,' I answered. My ability to talk had returned and I was grateful for that. 'I want something else now.'
"He was frowning again, probably wondering what in the hell is with this chick? He started to ask what it was I wanted but before he could get out a word, I wagged my ass at him like a happy dog.
"That got the message across in a hurry. I was looking back at him over my shoulder and I saw his face light up with surprise as it finally hit him that I wanted his prick buried to the hilt up my ass.
" 'You mean ...' He couldn't even say it. That was a laugh. The big time Hollywood lover stuck for words! I suddenly felt very sophisticated and sensuous.
" That's it,' I answered. 'C'mon. You'll love it! I've got a great ass!'
"When I said that he smiled. 'Don't worry about me,' he said, 'I've always wanted to fuck a woman's ass, only I never got around to it. Here we go!'
"He laid his cock right in there, like Mel used to do and wham! he was halfway in before my asshole could so much as stretch out.
'The thing is, when you're used to getting it in the ass, your asshole loosens up a lot faster than it did when you first started. He was panting, really excited about what he was doing to me.
" 'Damn, it's great!' he said. 'Better than your cunt! Much better! You're so tight!'
"I smiled. I wanted him to really dig it, so I worked my ass muscles around him, squeezing his cock for all it was worth. The ass muscles are really strong and Mel told me that it feels stronger than being squeezed by someone's hand.
" 'Oh, don't stop,' Jim said. 'I could come just from your squeezing me that way!' And he could, too, because I'd made Mel come that way many times. He'd just stick it in and I'd squeeze one off of him without him moving a muscle.
"But I wanted more than that. 'Fuck me,' I said. 'Please! Do it to me the way you would my cunt. I want to be fucked back there!'
"All my talking really turned him on and he started thrusting good and hard. It started hurting a little but that's just what I liked.
"It was wonderful, hard, smooth strokes that felt like they were going to come out my mouth. I wanted him to do that for days and he seemed willing. I'd look back over my shoulder and smile at him and he'd smile back, but it was turning into a mean smile that made me shiver and made his cock feel better than anything.
"And then he suddenly pulled it out and told me to turn over. I did and now I could see that he had taken his belt from his pants.
" 'You like to feel pain, honey and that's something I know about.' I didn't know what he was talking about but then he started to hit me with his belt. First across the tits and then right between my legs. He wasn't doing it very hard but it stung and I felt myself coming and coming and coming.
"Oh, I even shiver now when I think of it. I wanted him in me again, so I held my hands out to him and he dropped the belt and climbed onto me.
"I was on my back now, in the regular position. I hadn't had time to turn over. But he said it didn't matter and for me to wrap my legs around him real high, almost around his neck and that would put my ass in the right position.
"He was right. It was really great and sexy because it was a new position for getting fucked in the ass. It made my asshole even tighter because my legs were at such an acute angle, but that only made it better.
"He really could hump me now, too, because he was lying on top of me the way he would if he were fucking my cunt. It was so good that for a few seconds I actually blacked out. When I came to he hadn't even slowed up. Then he was biting my tits real hard and my nipples were standing out hard and thick-looking. He almost bit them off, but I didn't even care.
'The steady, strong fucking was getting to be too much again. I was losing control and there wasn't anything I could do about it. There I was, already in my thirties and for the first time I was experiencing the total involvement in sex that I should've had years ago.
"I reached between us and once again felt the beautiful hardness of his cock. I traced the staff up into me, caressing the union of cock and asshole with my finger. I wanted him to continue biting, which he did and my head was rolling from side to side as the almost overpowering force of a total climax built up in me.
"And when I got off on that one, I knew that Jim was going to be with me for a while, because his come was right there with mine and it was just as strong. Anything that good for two people is something they aren't going to get their fill of in one night."
Janet doesn't realize it yet, but she has a very serious problem. Since she started her sexual experimentation relatively late in life and since her first experiences with unusual sexual practices were so enjoyable, she has no idea of where to draw the line. She is simply accepting whatever happens, when it happens and that-combined with her masochistic tendencies- will undoubtedly lead her eventually into a situation completely beyond her control.
CHAPTER FOUR - A Tender Tail of Love
"It seemed odd that our marriage, which had begun with such a splash of champagne and applause, should be ended by so little ceremony. The day I'd waited so long for had finally arrived and I sat quietly on the couch and began to plan my new life of freedom.
"I felt more than a little sad, in spite of the fact that divorcing Jim was my idea. I'd had to fight for the right to be free of our six-year marital contract and yet, once I'd won it, I couldn't help feeling a little depressed.
"Maybe I've always been a romantic, like Jim said. I believed in having only one love, marrying that love and living happily ever after. Just like all the fairy tales say. It was with that end in mind that I kept my body virginal before my wedding night, even when my mind rebelled and ached to give myself to someone in the endless years before I met Jim, my white knight, my enchanted prince.
"I really believed all that stuff and when I was twenty-four and a little old for make-believe, when even my determined head was beginning to wonder a little, Jim came into my life, bigger than life, in fact, with a great smile, a big, muscular body and brown eyes that lit up the very first time he looked at me. We clicked at once and I breathed a secret sigh of relief because I hadn't lost faith after all. My prince had arrived, all I'd ever wanted, if a little more horny than I expected him to be.
"Going together was wonderful and I fell more and more in love with my man every day. Jim loved me, also, yet there was an edge of concern to his love. 'You're such a dreamer, Marie,' he'd complain. 'Like a little girl who never grew up all the way. I'm not a hero or a Greek god. I'm just human, baby and I worry that you won't love me so much when you realize that.'
"I'd try to reassure him whenever he'd talk that way, sure in my heart that his humanness was just as precious to me as his dream-come-true side. So what if I believed we'd marry and then live happily ever after? It seemed to me that all too many couples married with an eye toward a profitable divorce. I was marrying for love ...
"Ours was not a typical problem. Sex runs neck and neck with money problems as a marital strain. And sex was a problem with us from the start, from the night of our beautiful, beautiful wedding. I'd worn a flowing white gown and the scent of roses was everywhere. Then we dashed through a hailstorm of rice and were off on our honeymoon.
"Why such a wonderful beginning should have turned into such a nightmare is beyond me. I came to our marital bed in yards of silky white lace. It was then, the prince turned into a third-class frog.
"Oh, I don't mean he raped me, exactly, but what I'd intended to be a slow and tender love scene degenerated into a nightmare of ugly words, hurting, sweating hands, bruising lips and a ripping, tearing of my body that made me cry out with agony and disappointment. He swore afterwards that he had not been particularly ungentle, that for some women the first time was a bit more painful than others and that from here on out, he was sure, everything would be easy.
"But it wasn't. There was a feeling of wrongness about our sex life and though I eventually numbed to the pain and even the discomfort, I felt exactly as if Jim had taken my most cherished dream and mashed it beneath a vicious heel.
"The six years passed somehow and Jim managed to make quite a bit of money. We had been seeing less and less of each other and a peculiar thing began to happen. When I hadn't seen my husband for a few days, like when he was away on his business trips, I began to have strong, totally unexpected longings for the feel of a masculine hand on my body. I'd go to a romantic movie with a friend and I'd come out tingling all over, especially since so many of the movies were so explicit.
"At night, alone in our bed, a rush of heat would harden my nipples and I'd find myself pressing my thighs together in an effort to relieve the dull ache there.
"At first, all those feelings would disappear when Jim finally came home, but after a few weeks I became so hot, I even found myself longing for Jim's touch. I began preparing for bed with more care, touching perfume to my ears, between my breasts, even between my thighs. But Jim didn't seem to notice at all! It was then I realized he was seeing another woman.
"He didn't want the divorce. We haggled about it for weeks. Finally I did the only thing a person in my position could do-I hired a detective.
"She turned out to be a little slut. A little nothing. Pretty, in a cheap way. But not inexpensive, either. I faced him with my knowledge and soon I had my divorce plus a decent income, a very decent income, as long as I didn't remarry.
"Sitting on the couch with the final papers in my hand, I began to think of that aspect. I could survive quite nicely on Jim's money, probably better than I could married to another man. Besides, I had no wish to remarry. But what of this sudden, strong new thing in me, these urges which were beginning to bother me day and night? I'd heard that sexual desire comes late to some women, but I hadn't expected it to hit me ever. Maybe I'd needed my girlish fantasies squashed before I could grow up all the way, I don't know. If that was the case, Jim had done a very good job of it.
"Whatever the reason, I was suddenly free and alive at thirty-one and freed to a brand new world, a world of new standards, where a woman looked for sex on her own terms without fear of society's vengeance. I intended to make the most of it, and in doing so, find out for the very first time who and what I was ...
"I'm not unattractive, small, naturally blonde and my figure looks ten years younger than it should. Meeting men turned out to be much easier than I'd expected.
"Jean, my best friend, introduced me to Ken, a friend of her husband's. He was tall and attractive and he took me to a French restaurant. When he asked me what I'd care to do after-wards, I dragged my heels only for an instant, then I bluntly told him I'd like to see his apartment. Actually, I don't think he was all that startled. I tell Jean everything and she knew how badly I was dying to try my new freedom and incidentally, do something about this non-stop itch between my thighs.
"Ken lived in a simple but tasteful apartment and neither of us bothered with making conversation at all. He took me into his arms tenderly, kissed me, told me I was a very beautiful, desirable woman and started undressing me. Now that it was actually about to happen, my heart was thudding so hard I could hardly hear his whispered words of pleasure as he stripped away my clothing, kissing me as each new section of pale flesh emerged. I wondered if he knew he would only be my second man. I was tempted to ask him to be gentle, but somehow that need for loving tenderness didn't seem so important-in fact, I was getting impatient about all the time he was taking to get me out of my clothing.
"His lips were good against mine and when he attempted to slip his tongue between my teeth, I willingly opened up to him. I felt wonderfully brazen, half-naked in his arms, kissing this near-stranger and working my tongue against his. I was terribly aware of the bulge in Ken's pants and I was secretly thrilled when he took my hand and brought it to his fly. I groped curiously. He was hard, ready for me. I unzipped him quickly, thrilling to this whole new me. Ken had no knowledge of me as I was, the little girl who never grew up. He wouldn't believe it if I told him of my long wait for my prince charming. He'd laugh as his big hands tightened around my brazen, naked breasts. But something had happened to me, some deep, dark metabolic, chemical change ... the little girl was coming to life and it was a life she'd never before imagined. If only my horny husband had waited ... if only he could see me now ...
"His penis was throbbing insistently as my hand pulled it free and I felt a quick, wholly unexpected flash of disappointment that it was smaller than Jim's. The head of it was particularly small and wedge-shaped, but the hardness, the urgency of it got me hot all over again. Sighing softly, I squeezed it warmly and as a final display of my new freedom, I reached down to remove my own panties. It was then I realized that I wasn't so easily liberated, after all-I had suddenly started my period!
"Acutely embarrassed, I grabbed my purse and dashed to the bathroom. After the damages had been repaired I returned, red faced and irritable. I was still hot, I was still embarrassed and I was feeling more persecuted than ever before.
"Ken, however, turned out to be more amused than upset. He took me into his arms, kissed me and teased me out of getting dressed and leaving immediately. 'Don't be silly, Marie. We can still have a little fun, can't we?'
"Then he kissed me again, only this time with more tongue-playing urgency than before. I found myself responding, in spite of the hopelessness of the situation. It felt so good being in his arms like this, so spine-tingling good, that I was powerless to resist.
"When he got busy stripping away his own clothing, I didn't even question his actions, needing to at least feel his nakedness against my own. His hard bar of flesh was rubbing against my lightly-haired mound and it felt too good to stop. I suspect my reactions were like those of a normal fifteen-year-old. I was not new to sexual intercourse after six long years of marriage, but I'd never really participated before. Like a young girl, I kept wanting more and more while knowing, for whatever reason, the ultimate was not to be. I silently cursed my body for betraying me at the same time it was urging me on. I even considered asking him to push his wedge-headed tool into me in spite of my period, but I knew I couldn't really allow it, even if he were willing. But we had to do something!
"His hands were everywhere at once. I felt my flesh being grasped and squeezed, my nipples being pinched and rolled, my back and arms rubbed while Ken's lips played with my ears, lips, neck. His mouth sucked a nipple as far in as it could go and I knew I'd wear the marks of his teeth on my shoulders and soft breasts for days to come. But all of that only served to increase the heat between my thighs, to feed my devil body. Never had I been able to let myself go like this, to allow my own husband the freedom with my body I allowed this man. It was wild! I was frantic to sit down on that pulsating rod of his, suck it into my body until my rump was nesting on his hairy testicles. Oh, I'd come of age in a big, abrupt way and somewhere inside me the fairy princess was dying of shock. Well, I wanted her to die. She'd had her day ...
" 'Whew! We've got to do something about this, baby. I'm damn near ready to shoot as it is.' His voice sounded strained. 'You're some girl, you know that? Jean warned me to be a good boy because you were a little on the quiet side!' His eyes were glazed with passion and there was a little bubble of fluid on the tip of his penis.
"He sucked a nipple briefly, then licked at my ear before whispering into it. His voice was casual, as if asking me if I drove a car or something. 'Do you suck, sweetheart?'
"He caught me off guard. Before I could answer indignantly, Ken had moved us around by pressing me downwards while slithering up. We'd never gotten beyond the couch and I could feel the painful buttons clawing at my back as I was placed in position. Then all I was aware of was his tool, far larger than I'd thought, spongy at the tip, pushing against my mouth. I opened my mouth to explain that what he was attempting was not at all what I wanted. Taking advantage, he chose that moment to thrust into me, moaning as he penetrated my protesting mouth.
" 'Ah, that's it, Marie! Take it all into that mouth of yours! Oh, suck my cock, sweet baby! Suck it! You've gotten me so damn hot I can hardly stand it!'
"I paused only long enough to avoid gagging on the hot, throbbing mass thrust so suddenly halfway down my throat. Then I snapped my head back, letting the monster fall from my mouth with a vaguely sickeningly wet sound. 'No!' I managed. 'I don't do that! I don't want to try, either!'
"I must have sounded even more disgusted than I felt, because Ken released me at once. Then he reached down for me and pulled us both up on the couch. He took me tightly in his arms.
" 'Sorry, Marie, I didn't read the signals right. Shit, that felt good, though. You really ought to give it a fair try sometime. I'll play experimental animal. Night or day. Just Whistle.' Our tongues met.
"I shivered all over in spite of what had happened. I was that fifteen-year-old again and my now healthy glands were still working overtime. He felt my gut reacting to the kiss, so he tried it again, this time putting even more feeling into our embrace. His hands roamed my nakedness again, one hand feeling my belly, my breasts, the high rise of my mound while I instinctively clenched my muscles around the tampon buried in me. His other hand poured over my back, working down my spine, across my hips, finally settling on fondling and squeezing the plump cheeks of my rump. It felt unexpectedly nice and I moaned a little as his other hand joined in so that he had a fleshy handful in each palm. Jim had never once touched me this way and I found myself responding to it fully.
"A finger touched the beginning of the deep cleft between my cheeks and even Ken seemed surprised by the intensity of my reaction. I couldn't help it. Something inside my head clicked when he touched me there.
"With more knowingness, Ken began to move the finger downwards, dragging it to, then lightly over, the dimple-like mouth of my anus.
"I had been holding him loosely, my hands rubbing his back softly. But when that blunt finger of his tickled that totally virgin slit, I damn near slashed his back with my nails. I arched my back and cried out with the shock of excitement I'd experienced at the brief contact.
"With great deliberation Ken pushed my cheeks apart and licking my ear at the same time, pushed a fingertip into my rump!
"Everything got vague then. I only know I went sort of wild, moaning and whimpering, holding him to me so tightly I don't know how either of us breathed, allowing that finger of his to do whatever it wished inside me. Maybe you can compare what happened to me to what would happen to that normal fifteen-year-old the first time some pimply-faced boy began rubbing on her clitoris, I don't know. But since my breakup with Jim, I'd shamefacedly play with myself on especially bad nights, when I'd shiver under the blankets wishing for a little relief from any quarter. And good as that had felt, it was nothing compared to what I was feeling when Ken began working his finger in and out my tight little rectum!
"He finally pulled away from me, withdrawing his finger gently as I moaned with disappointment. 'Let's get to that bed at last, huh, baby? We is gonna have us some fun!' He put an arm around me, half walking me, half dragging me into the other room.
"I was too shaky to do much more than allow myself to be transplanted from one room to the next. I didn't even comment when he gently pushed me down on the bed, my face to the mattress, my back to him. I heard him step into the tile-floored bathroom, do something with the medicine cabinet, but nothing made much sense. I was too busy reliving the sensation of his finger, plowing into my tiny butt.
"Then he was back and falling on top of me, his weight heavy but welcome. I felt his hard flesh prod me between the cheeks of my quivering bottom and I held very still, wanting only more of the insanely delicious sensations to wash over me. There seemed no need for questions or second thoughts. Something inside me had been waiting for this moment for years.
"Ken didn't hurry his actions-not even when my impatient body squirmed upwards to meet his. I was too hot and eager to channel my swinging hips, though and finally Ken ended up using his hands to hold me still, while his twitching meat began the torturously slow assault on my rectum ...
" 'Oh, God, oh, my God! You've got the tightest, sweetest little asshole in the world!' he hissed. 'It's grabbing my cock and milking it! Oh, honey, it feels so good in you] Do you like it? Do you want me to put more of my cock up your tight asshole? Tell me, baby, tell me!'
"I was drowning in a torrid wave of belly-quaking sensation, my insides stretched and burning, yet tightening and straining to get the most out of this strange new world of sensuality. A streak of demanding lewdness took over, a desire to throw off every hint of my former personality, to be wantonly free, even to the words of the gutter. The desire was so strong that I knew I'd never resist it, but in giving in I experienced a moment's pure panic, as if I were being taken over by a weird new being, a she-creature sent up from the deepest pits of hell to make a mockery of all I'd ever tried to be. But there was no time, then, to give in to that panic-all I knew or cared about was that suddenly the wedge-headed pole in my butt wasn't moving and I desperately needed it to pound its way all the way into me ...
" 'Yes!' I shrieked, 'Oh, yes! Please! Give me more! More! Oh, Ken, please! Please keep shoving that great big dick of yours into my ... my ass. I ... I ... oh, I need it so badly ... It feel ... feels ... so ... wonderful ...'
"Words were sticking in my throat as my body began a lazy, slow-motion orgasm, a yawning kind of spasming that started up somewhere deep in my womb and spread out in all directions, as if unsure how to satiate a fire burning out of control in a strange forest. I gasped and churned my body under Ken's slowly fucking hips, then I just settled for sobbing into a pillow as the most intense wave shook my frame. But Ken was far from finished and as he continued moving in my ass, I knew I'd only just begun ...
"As I think back on it, I suspect this was Ken's first experience with anal love, also. And he was loving it almost as much as I was. There was the same fullness as with vaginal entry, an even greater fullness, in fact, but, for me, it was a much more sensitive fucking. My clitoris was forced against the bed cover and every move made it slide against the fabric in a way it never had against my husband's belly. I was all opened up for Ken by the time he was deeply into me and any hint of pain was swiftly converted to sugary pleasure. I came again, just a few moments after the first attack. That got to Ken and he suddenly emptied himself into my bowels, crying out like he'd been stabbed. I immediately clutched at him with newly developing muscles, reluctant to ever let him go.
"I was in a dream until the moment Ken brought me home, hinting at other dates in the near future. Then, as I undressed for the second time, I suddenly burst into fiery tears of hot shame. My God! I wondered, what had I just done! Now that it was all over, now that I was back in my old nest, the strangeness of what had just happened to me hit home. My superbly relaxed body sagged under the realization that that writhing, squealing creature under that stranger had actually been me, that I was the one who had wantonly backed into Ken's hard prick and asked him to fuck me! And not even in a normal fashion, but in a perverse, animalistic way ... and-even more unbearable-I'd loved every last second of it ..."
In most women the term "frigidity" is used exclusively to describe a condition in which a woman either does not respond at all to the various forms of sexual stimulation, or who is unable to achieve a satisfactory orgasm.
Marie P., as we have seen, is both responsive to erotic stimulation and quite capable of having a satisfactory orgasm, so long as there is no vaginal penetration. She is what might be termed "vaginally frigid."
The probable psychological factors causing this vaginal frigidity are fear and guilt regarding penetration and the total impropriety of the sex act as she sees it. Sex is viewed by Marie as being dirty and an act of violence. Consequently, any form of vaginal sexual activity is seen by Marie as being a direct threat to both her emotional and physical well-being.
Marie's vaginal frigidity may also be a defense against earlier unacceptable impulses in childhood, such as forbidden sexual fantasies regarding her prince charming. Her inability to assume a completely female orientation, because of her preoccupation with her fear-induced standards, has led her to a psychologically diminished capacity to engage in sex acts of a conventional nature which would lead to sexual satisfaction.
Psychologically, Marie might be considered to be a pathological sexual deviant. In Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality, Freud implied that any heterosexual behavior terminating in sexual intercourse and orgasm was normal. Sexual behavior terminating in orgasm in situations other than heterosexual intercourse were designated as deviations, aberrations or perversions. If, as in this case, orgasm was to come only during anal sexual practices, Freud would have considered it to be perverse and pathological. He viewed behavior as pathological if it was part of a habitual pattern.
If a perversion instead of appearing merely alongside the normal sexual act and object and only when circumstances are unfavorable to them and favorable to it-if, instead of this, it ousts them completely and takes their place in all circumstances-if, in short, a perversion has the characteristics of exclusiveness and fixation-then we shall usually be justified in regarding it as a pathological symptom.
Most psychiatrists today agree with Freud that where orgasm is habitually achieved without heterosexual intercourse, a pathological condition exists. A wealth of clinical data from psychoanalysis demonstrates that in those instances where sexual behavior does not include heterosexual intercourse, such as we have with Marie, fear and inhibition have determined the exclusion.
However, the activities that have led to orgasm may or may not be pathological. Masturbation, for example, can be one normal mode of sexual expression for both sexes throughout life. The same holds true for fellatio and cunnilingus, which may make up part of the normal sexual repertoire. Many individuals who participate in such practices suffer from shame and guilt because they have been taught, since they were children, that such practices were wrong, sinful and dirty. This attitude especially holds true for anal sexual activities.
When anal intercourse constitutes the major, if not the only, activity of sexual life, it is not the activity as such which is psychopathological, but rather the existing fears regarding heterosexual activities which exclude the capability for normal heterosexual intercourse.
Freud classified sexual aberrations as (1) deviations linked to the sexual object and (2) deviations linked to the sexual aim. He defined the sexual object as the person towards whom one is sexually attracted and the sexual aim as the act through which one is sexually satisfied.
Under the category of deviation in respect to the sexual object, Freud included homosexuality, the choice of sexually immature persons and the choice of animals.
Under deviations linked to sexual aim he constructed two subcategories: anatomical extensions and fixations of preliminary sexual aims.
Subsumed under anatomical sexual extensions were the behaviors which include the use of nongenital organs as genitals, such as the anus. Preliminary sexual aims refer to the various aspects of sexual foreplay preceding intercourse.
Freud formed the theory that any interference with, or fear of, participating in normal sexual intercourse could result in a fixation on one of the forms of deviant behavior. This, to a large extent, is what has happened to Marie. She is, for a still unknown cause, afraid of vaginal intercourse, unable to receive any enjoyment from it and she was therefore hit upon anal intercourse as the sole form of sexual activity which she is able to enjoy.
As long as Marie continues to search for her prince charming-a man who will be able to both satisfy her childhood fantasies and eliminate the guilt she feels from engaging in those childhood fantasies-she will remain vaginally frigid.
"Old habits die slowly. I guess that's the only real explanation for the next week or two. I roamed around the house in a daze, wandering from room to room as if I were hoping to suddenly find myself somewhere. It took me an endless time to calm down and begin to face facts.
'The most obvious fact was the simplest-I'd changed and the change centered on one of the biggest aspects of my life. Sex. I'd been a dreamy doll, a sexless, fantasy loving child in adult garb, lulled into believing I was a gentle, pure female when actually I was something of a medical wonder, a child until I was thirty, unawakened, even after years of marriage.
"Now I was a woman and by accident of nature or by fate itself, my first real introduction to sex was by anal intercourse. Ken had brought me out, made a feeling woman out of me and I frankly wanted more of it. But I also had a deep fear of getting tied down to a man again, as if the same thing might happen all over again and I might discover I'd ended up night after night with bitter disillusionment in bed with me. Besides, I wanted to sample more of life now that I'd briefly tested the waters and found them very much to my liking.
"Ken called often, but I found excuses to avoid him. Then I met Carl, a friend of a friend and started going out with him. Carl was a whole different kind of guy, quiet and on the shy side and I simply didn't know how to push our relationship into sex. Finally, Carl took matters in his own hands and asked me to spend the night with him.
"I was tremendously excited as I prepared for bed after a long evening of dinner and talking over drinks in his apartment. He went out for cigarettes, leaving me to warm the bed. Again I was feeling terribly sexy and free and I was actually looking forward to experiencing sex as it was meant to be, normal sex. There was no chance of my body failing me this time-I watched the calendar carefully these days and I knew that as much as I'd loved what Ken had done to me, I was bound to love straight sex even more, now that I was so turned on.
"After a quick bath I slithered between the sheets, eager for Carl's return. He was a tall, masculine type and I rather hoped he was built more massively than Ken. Fortunately I heard the key in the door soon after I got in bed. I don't know how long I could have stood waiting.
"Carl undressed quickly in the room after greeting me with a kiss. Even in the dim light I could see he was built well, with fine muscles, a trim waist and what promised to be a good-sized prick. I shivered at the prospect of my first aware fucking.
"Once he got started, Carl turned out to be more enthusiastic than I'd ever expected him to be. His hands knew their way around a woman's body and he had me worked up even before his hands-touched me between the legs. I was oddly quiet as his fingers gently opened the plump lips of my cunt. It wasn't that what he was doing to me didn't feel good-it was just that I was waiting for that magic moment when all of me would come alive in one burning split-second, when the deep ache would take over and I'd go loose all over.
"I played with his body as he attended to mine, content to wait, feeling unhurried and sort of dreamy. But something failed to really come alive inside me, even though he'd gently begun teasing my clitoris with knowing fingers. I was ... wet down there, though and I assumed the fire would build once we got down to it. I moaned softly when Carl began sucking my hard nipples in turn, genuinely enjoying the sensation, willing to stretch it if that was the way to get that good feeling all over again.
" 'Are you ready, Marie?' Carl asked, his attractive face and rock-hard prick revealing that he certainly was.
"I hesitated, then nodded. I opened my legs to him, shifting my hips to hold his weight against my belly. The tip of his large cock grazed against my clitoris, then edged down until it reached the moist opening to my womb. I closed my eyes briefly, all but willing myself, to swoon as he took me. But it didn't work.
"Nothing happened. Oh, I felt him enter me, felt the hardness of him sink further and further into my tight hole, but nothing really came alive! It was neither uncomfortable nor painful, it just didn't feel all that exciting! I couldn't understand it, not after that night with Ken. And it wasn't Carl himself-he turned me on sexually about as much as Ken did. Both were simply men with whom I hoped to discover myself. I'd been honest enough about it from the start, with myself, anyway.
"I moved then, swinging my hips with a mechanical lifting and lowering that was entirely too reminiscent of my many nights with Jim. Carl didn't seem terribly aware of my indifference, but I was bitterly upset by my own lack of response. It would have been different if it hadn't been for Ken, or if I hadn't been expecting so much. But now this nothingness was unendurable. I tried to make myself feel, rubbing my breasts against Carl's sweating chest, drawing circles through his wiry hair with my nipples, churning my hips against his as if to build a fire inside myself by friction, if all else failed. When none of that worked I think I went a little crazy, twisting and rocking against him, attempting in some useless, energy-wasting way to force him to excite me more. All it did was urge Carl into a gigantic, explosive orgasm. He grabbed me, drove his cock in and out of my cunt as if he were no longer in control of himself and then he shot his hot sperm into me.
"Angry and confused, I sighed deeply as soon as he had rolled off me. All I felt was sticky and disappointed. If that was the normal, acceptable sex, I was going to have to come to grips with the fact that it just wasn't for me ...
"After Carl was sound asleep I gathered up my clothes, slipped into the other room, called for a cab and started to dress. I knew Carl would never understand, but I honestly didn't give a damn. All I knew was that I was through with being disillusioned. I'd found one thing I liked and I was going to concentrate on that ...
"The next time Ken called I accepted a date. Both of us were too worked up to bother with going through motions. I rejected the thought of dinner, smiling up at him. He knew what I needed.
"His apartment seemed very familiar now and I didn't even wait for him to get to work on my clothing. From the moment I'd agreed to meet him, the slow fire had begun its work. I stripped between hot, languid kisses. Then, when we were both naked, I played with his cock, making sure it was as hard as it could get. Then I looked up at him, my eyes little slits of pure passion.
"He looked at me questioningly. 'It's a different time of the month ... ?' he ventured, wanting to be sure I wanted more of what he'd given me the last time.
"I walked slowly to the bed, my hips swaying like crazy. I got on the bed on my belly and slowly raised my hips to him, allowing my puckered little slit to wink up at him between the creamy hillocks of flesh I knew he liked so much.
" "You're on, honey,' he breathed. Then he hurried into the bathroom.
"As I remained quietly on the bed waiting for him to work a little lubricant into his rod, I felt myself go all loose and fluttery inside, just as I had the last time I'd been in Ken's bed like this. I experienced a tremendous rush of relief that I could recapture the same feeling all over again. Secretly I'd begun to, fear that what I'd felt the last time was a fluke, a once-in-a-life moment and my life would be all the more miserable for having tasted, however briefly, some real pleasure, only to lose it again. But now I knew that was not the case ... Put me on my belly, with the promise of a nice long dick soon to slip into my butt and I'd come alive again ... There seemed no point in questioning or cursing this strange need of mine. It was there, that was all and I had to have it.
"My thinking was cut off by the feel of Ken's hand on my ass. He fitted himself to me with a sleek push and my relaxed muscles opened for him as if by magic. I sighed and settled back on his staff, taking it deeply inside me. Sure, there was some pain, but it was an exquisite kind of delicious pain. He was only halfway inside me when I began to gasp with delight. I came immediately, then settled back to take more. I was alive again and I was loving every minute of it.
"We swayed together for as long as Ken could stand it. Then he emptied himself into me, his fingers grasping my naked tits as he came. I could feel his hot juice shooting into my bowels and I took his come happily, grateful to him for opening my life this way, if only by accident. I vowed to come to him whenever he wanted me, out of gratitude, if nothing else, and at the same time, determined to find myself other lovers with bigger, thicker cocks, cocks which could fill me even better ...
"I wasn't really all that surprised when a friend of Ken's called me one night the next week for a date. I'd decided to brazen it out and all but told Ken I was interested in meeting other men who might like sex this way. It was an enormous step for me to take, but I was deeply convinced, at that point, that I had wasted enough time already. Dave sounded sexy, even on the phone.
"We had dinner at a very nice little place downtown, then went to see a movie I'd been wanting to see for months. But all through it, I was distracted by Dave's nearness. He was very good-looking, but that mattered less than the fact that I could somehow tell that he would be special in bed. I found myself squirming in the seat like a silly teen-ager. If Dave noticed, he didn't let on.
"We got to my house very late, but for me the best was yet to come. Yet, as soon as I'd unlocked the door, Dave took me in his arms, kissed me firmly while his hands strayed to my ass, rubbing it quickly, then let me go. Coolly, he backed away, threw me a one-sided grin and told me it had been a lovely night. Then he left! Just like that!
"I hardly slept that night, wondering why he hadn't come in, wishing I had or hadn't said this or that earlier, asking myself over and over what had gone wrong. More than that, I was achingly hot, worn ragged from frustration. I drifted from' hating Dave for walking out like that, to despising myself for giving a damn. I also threw in an unkind word or two for Ken, for introducing me to Dave in the first place.
"He called me two days later, asking me for another date. Sighing, I accepted. Again, I spent the waiting time eagerly. This time I was ready for him.
"When Dave arrived I met him at the door in my robe, claiming I just didn't feel well enough to go out. I invited him in for a drink, instead. From the look on his face, it was obvious he was planning to spend quite a bit of time in my house, anyway. I felt relieved, more tired of games than I'd believed possible.
"We had our drinks and Dave complimented me on my robe, perfectly aware that I wore nothing underneath.
" 'Why don't you come over here and sit on my lap?' he invited, finishing his drink, his eyes hot on my body. '
"I obeyed, sighing as I felt his hard cock pressing through his pants and against my left cheek. He rubbed himself against me a little, his hands going to my breasts. I finished my drink while my nipples became hard pebbles and that creamy, aroused, feeling spread throughout my entire body. Then he pushed me away, adjusted his pants, and his big hands lifting my robe up to my waist, he brought me back to his lap. His prick felt enormous as it moved over my tender rump, free of its confining cloth. He placed his hands on my waist and moved me in slow circles, then urged me to get up again.
" 'Let's get really comfortable, baby,' he suggested.
"I got busy lowering lights, but when I started to shed the robe Dave stopped me. 'Leave it on, doll. It looks sexy that way. And it's not in the way at all. Come here ...'
"I walked over to him. He was naked now, but still in the chair. I got a good look at him then, at the hard flatness of his chest, the muscular length of his thighs, and best of all, at the massive prick between his legs. I felt a stir of growing excitement as I stared openly at his lap, unaware that I was actually running a nervous tongue over my lip until his smile made me aware of what I was doing.
"As I came up to him, I suddenly panicked. It just didn't seem possible I'd be able to take on that huge shaft. But Dave must have known what I was thinking.
" 'Relax, Marie. Sit back down on my lap. Come on,' he urged, taking my hand. But this time he pulled me down facing him. I landed solidly on his cock, on top of it, riding its sturdy length like a witch's broomstick.
" 'I want to stick that up you, baby. You know where, don't you?'
"I nodded, not trusting my voice. He was twitching under me and I felt myself responding to him, actually eager to attempt taking him into me.
"Our mouths met in a long, slow kiss and his tongue was hot and barely stirred in my mouth. I licked at it willingly and my nipples responded as if they had a life of their own. I knew I couldn't take a lot of building up and again the fear that I'd never be able to take his cock into my ass returned.
" 'Lift up, darling. I want you to get ready.' He reached down on the floor for a tube of jelly. I held still as his blunt finger began to move over his big tool. When it was glistening in the dim light, he wiped his fingers on a handkerchief on the floor beside his pants. Then he gently and firmly moved me until I was standing over his lap, one foot up on the armrest, my rump inches from his face.
" 'Now your turn,' he promised, ducking his head.
"I felt his breath on my exposed anus before I knew what he had in mind. Then I felt his warm tongue! It started at the top of the deep crack and worked slowly downwards until its tip touched my slit. Then, with no further warning, Dave suddenly plunged his tongue in and out of my asshole! I cried out with pleasure at the unexpected attack, but Dave seemed unaware of my outburst. He continued to move in and out of me, shoving his tongue into my yielding flesh as far as it would go. The creamy, open feeling in my bowels deepened and intensified and I thought I would have to have an orgasm right then and there if he kept on with what he was doing a moment longer.
"Sensing it was time to stop, Dave straightened up, reached down and again picked up the tube of clear lubricant. 'Use this on yourself, baby. I love watching women get themselves ready for me.'
"I was so heated up by that time that I would have stood on my head if he'd told me to. Hands shaking, I squirted a bit of jelly on a finger and bent over, knowing what kind of show I was putting on for Dave. His face was still very close and I knew he was watching intently as I began rubbing the lubricant into my puckered, already slippery anus. But, remembering the size of Dave's prick, I knew I'd better take advantage of this chance. By the time I removed my finger from my butt I was slippery enough to take on an elephant and Dave's cock was harder than ever. Neither of us couldn't been more ready.
"He wasted no time in pulling me down on it. He wanted to do all the work, so I bobbed weakly on his lap as he pulled me over his shaft, then nested the head against my distended slit. I groaned as his dick began to slip into me. He used my own weight to force the gigantic prick into me. I kept waiting for it to hurt, but it never really did-I was too excited and thrilled. All it did was explode the bomb in my womb, so that I was shaking with my orgasm before Dave's cock was more than halfway inside my straining asshole. I moaned and felt my muscles bite into his dick as if it was a huge piece of meat waiting for me to polish it off, one way or the other. But then Dave got busy moving again and for the first time I experienced a little pain as he insistently pulled me down over the rest of his prick. It was like fitting a tight glove on a wet finger.
"Dave knew I didn't need gentleness, though. I was as eager to have all of him embedded in me as he was to be there himself. He simply ignored my automatic attempts to evade being stabbed further with his big rod and his fingers were leaving bruises as they pressed harder and harder, as I wriggled on the end of his cock, a prisoner, but a willing one ...
"After what seemed an endless time, I was suddenly slipping down a final inch or so, coming to rest at last on his hard lap. He was groaning with pleasure. Then he began to move me up and down, his arms strong around me.
"I don't know when I started coming again, or how many times I spasmed with that great prick of his deep inside me. I just rode up and down on it under Dave's direction, and when Dave finally began to pump his come into me, I was ready to call it a night. I got off him and let him carry me to the bed. But instead of going home, Dave got in next to me. I was happy about that and sleepily thought we might have a repeat performance in the morning ...
"But I was hardly asleep when once again I felt his big dick pressing into my ass. He came fast that time and I fell asleep at once, happier than I'd been for a long time. But that wasn't the last of it. It was barely dawn before I felt his now familiar grasp around me again. This time I'd had enough sleep to be refreshed and I was ready for him. He fucked me sweetly and slowly. For an encore, he took me the other way, the so-called normal way. Except for the pain of his huge dick, I didn't get much out of it, and I suspected, neither did he. But neither of us cared very much. We knew exactly what turned us on. We were so sure, in fact, we ended up doing it a final time just as the noonday sun filled the bedroom.
"Much as I wouldn't have expected it to turn out that way, at long, long last my prince had arrived ..."
While Marie has not been able to do anything to clear up the psychological problems which caused her vaginal frigidity, she has nonetheless managed to make a successful adaptation with David. This adaptation may allow her to find happiness in a world which otherwise might have proven to be too much for her emotional stability.
CHAPTER FIVE - Right Train ... Wrong Track
" "What I want,' I blurted out, 'is a man with a small cock and no hangups.'
"Jerry laughed and I didn't know him well enough yet to know why. Nor did he know what I'd been through. As we drove away from the party, though, we were beginning to exchange mysterious waves of communication. There was physical attraction between us. Half of me said, 'Why not? You're only twenty-six and sexy as hell. You need it.' The other half of me protested, 'No, it's too soon. You don't dare become an easy lay just because you're divorced.'
"Well, the first half won. Jerry put me at ease the way few men ever had. Sure, he was a good-looking chap with a dark beard and a suave way about him. But that wasn't all. He made me feel like letting loose. Before long I was using four-letter words and making no pretenses of being a lady. And when we drove along the dark, deserted streets near my apartment, I didn't stop him as his hand crept under my skirt and slid along my nylon pantyhose, closer and closer to my crotch.
"When he pulled into a parking space and stopped the engine, he turned to me and gathered me in his arms. Such strength! This is a real man, I thought, feeling the muscles of his forearms tense as he pulled me tight against him.
"He kissed first the lobes of my ear, then my neck, before his lips brushed my mouth, teasingly. At last his mouth clamped down hard on mine and our lips twisted together. Then his tongue prodded my lips open and sank deep into my mouth, searching my own tongue. I even liked the way he tasted. A pipe smoker. The aroma of spicy tobacco and Scotch only helped convince me that Jerry wasn't going to be like my ex.
"His kiss set my heart pounding furiously. As our tongues mingled, his hands ran lightly over my back, then finally across my shoulder and down to my breasts. Even though I was fully dressed and sitting upright in the car, I began to tremble. I couldn't help myself. It had been so long, too long ...
"We broke apart, both of us panting. He didn't even ask if he could come up to my apartment. He simply said, 'Let's go, Alice.'
"Nervously, I turned the key in my lock. It was going to happen, there was no doubt about it. Was I ready for it? Would I be able to respond to ordinary lovemaking after all this time? I wasn't sure.
"He sensed my fears, but didn't make them worse by talking about them. Once inside the door, he picked me up, one arm supporting my back and the other under my legs.
" 'Which way is the bedroom?' he asked.
"I directed him through the archway and down the well-lighted hall. I had a phobia, about coming home to a dark place, so I'd Left practically every light burning.
"In the bedroom he tossed me down on the soft, down-lined quilt. Two lamps illuminated the very pastel, very feminine room. He reached for the switch on the larger one and turned it off. Only a soft pale blue glow from the swag lamp was left.
"He started unloosening his collar. 'Been in Los Angeles long?' he asked with utter nonchalance.
" 'Too long,' I said. 'Three months.'
" 'Plan to stick around?' he asked with interest.
" 'I packed it all in when I left New York. Told everybody I wasn't coming back. I figured there'd be lots of work here for a model. I guess I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things ...' My voice drifted off.
" 'I hope you hang in awhile,' he said.
"Moments later, before I had a chance to conjure up the things I knew I should forget, he was unbuttoning my light jacket, his fingers tracing the space between my breasts. With the jacket off, nothing was left but my flimsy mini-dress, no heavier than a nightgown. I was fashionably braless, despite the size of my breasts. He found the erect nipples almost at once and began drawing circles around them with the tip of his index finger, first one, then the other. The trembling began again. Did he know this would be the very first time since the divorce? That he was the only man I hadn't pushed away?
"He knew I liked him. His face reflected full confidence in his power to please. We exchanged smiles. Soon he was lifting the scant little dress up over my hips, past my breasts and over my head. I was left naked except for my matching bikini pants. He sat back to admire what he saw.
" 'I don't see how you'd have any trouble getting work as a model,' he said finally.
" 'I don't pose like this,' I said almost apologetically. I wasn't about to tell him about the great jobs I'd had and the prestige that went along with them. That was all over. What's more, I'd had chances to pose more or less in the raw, but the thought always put me off.
" "You're beautiful,' he whispered, moving in closer, 'beautiful.'
"His hand grasped both breasts and again his lips pressed against mine. The pent-up energy in me surged forth. I wiggled and squirmed, finally reaching out my hands to his head, running my fingers through his hair. Again his tongue rubbed against mine. Then he was over me, making me lie down. Above me his body was strong and hard, though he propped himself upon his elbows to avoid crushing me with his weight. Such strength and such gentleness. I squirmed beneath him, feeling his taut belly and finally the rigidity of his prick. It was small, as I'd hoped.
"As he undressed, what I'd discovered was confirmed. His prick was hard and it wasn't short, but it remained graceful and slender. Precisely what I wanted. But how was I going to let him know? Should I pretend to have an infection or something, I wondered? How does a girl let a guy know she wants it in the ass?
"He had absolutely no hangups about his prick, at least not that I could see. Here was a guy who'd lived through those miserable myths about cock size and hadn't let it bother him.
"I bent over that precious prick and drew it into my mouth, inch by inch, making it seem longer. Then I whipped my tongue to the sensitive ridge, lashing it back and forth. There was room in my mouth to do an exquisite job with my tongue. I'd let him come that way if he wanted to, if only I could be sure he'd give me what I wanted.
"Up and down my head bobbed and I sucked his cock, slowly at first, speeding up gradually. Without making me miss a beat, he maneuvered me into a sixty-nine position. Then he dug his hand underneath my bikini panties, deeper and deeper until his fingers grazed the top of my bush.
"He plowed through the dense, kinky hair to the slick, moist flesh which quivered at the touch of his fingers. Gently he explored my cunt, descending into its crevices, then climbing to my bulging clit. Finally he took two fingers and straddled my clit, moving the loose flesh back and forth. God, he really knew how to drive a girl wild!
"I kept pumping his slender cock as he took my bikini panties down, then I kicked them off. It felt good to be naked. I spread my legs wide apart offering him a choice of all I had to offer him there.
"Immediately he sprang for my cunt with his face. First he centered in on my clitoris, sweeping the smooth surface of his tongue around it and over it. He spread my cunt lips with his fingers, then prodded his tongue into my slit. With ever-increasing fierceness now, he darted from my clitoris to my cunt hole. I raised my hips ever so slightly. He continued lapping as before but his fingers now proceeded downward. He'd guessed, perhaps, or maybe what I'd said in the car hit home. Somehow he knew. Anyway, his finger now prodded the opening of my asshole. I opened it to him with ease.
"Still chomping at my clit, he dug his finger deep in my ass. I was totally open, totally relaxed, not clamped up like a clam the way I'd been the first time. It had 'taken practice to learn how to ass fuck, that I'll admit. But I'd been conditioned to enjoy it over any other kind of sex.
"In and out his finger moved, slowly, sensuously, giving me the kind of thrill I suppose some women get with their cunts. The outer ring of my ass is incredibly sensitive, like my clit, only in a different sort of way. So few people know what it's like and maybe other women never really learn to love it. For me, it's the most exquisite thing in the world.
"Finally he withdrew his finger and his tongue traveled downward, stopping only momentarily at my slit, then licking gently the puckered flesh of my ass, moistening it, driving me almost out of my mind. I sucked wildly at his cock to let him know how much I enjoyed the strange sensations he now gave me. He knew, yes, he knew.
"He lapped vigorously at my cunt and ass, spreading the moisture of my cunt juices everywhere, preparing me for what I craved. Finally I relinquished his cock from my mouth and let myself moan.
" 'You want it, don't you, baby? You want it there!'
"I nodded. I couldn't talk about it, couldn't explain it. All I knew was I wanted that slim prick up my ass. I got up on all fours and he took one of the pillows to prop under my head. He was well experienced at this, I could tell, even though we were starting out in a rather traditional posture. Funny, though, I dug this traditional, easy way of doing it. It made me feel so female, so passive and utterly helpless.
"I hunched my buttocks toward him as he knelt over me. He clasped my suspended breasts, one in each hand, gently massaging them, then his hand drifted down my torso, across my belly and into the moist forest of pubic hair. While his cock dangled against the cleavage between my cheeks, his fingertips grazed my pussy. The combination of all this left me panting breathlessly. I was ready and willing and open.
"Keeping one hand on my tender clit, he took the other to steer his rigid tool to where I craved it. It slipped' into my ass with no difficulty and found its way deep inside. My sphincter was tight but not tense and I knew he liked the way it grabbed at his prick from the purring sort of moan he made.
"Slowly he began to ass fuck me, taking several seconds to withdraw that long slender cock almost the whole way only to return, letting it slither into me. All this time he kept rubbing his fingers around my pussy, giving my clit plenty of attention, enough, but not too much.
"Soon I began to meet his thrusts, grinding my buttocks against his belly. His prick was so far in me now that I could feel his balls anything else ... Anything other than that.
"All of a sudden I felt his hand reach up between my legs and lightly rub the underside of my balls. Sheila slammed her head down on my cock till the tip rested way down her throat. I was building to a climax! Then Bill pressed his lips between my ass cheeks and I felt his tongue dart against my anal opening-he licked and licked in heavy strokes, just as Sheila was doing on my cock. The rhythm was too much for me-it was like a hard rock song! Man, I shook all over as my come filled her mouth. She choked and coughed, but she took it all and got it down her throat. I thought I was bloody well going to faint!
"Bill kept his tongue lapping into my asshole till Sheila released my cock from her lips. Then he got up and said, "What a groovy warm up for the film. Hope you liked it. I wasn't sure you'd dig what I was doing.'
" 'I can dig anything. That was great,' I said, rubbing my hands through Sheila's hair. She was sitting at my feet, clinging to my hairy leg. Man, I needed to sit down. That had been some orgasm. I was still very hot, as if I hadn't come at all. My cock was still hard when I sat down, to watch some hot erotica.
"Bill clicked the lights off and turned on the projector. The short title rolled across the screen. 'Guy and Gal'-not terribly original, I thought. Then we came in close to a shot of a nice-looking guy's face. He must have been about nineteen or twenty.
" "That's Gar, a friend of ours,' Sheila said. The camera pulled back to reveal Gar sitting in a garden, with only white undershorts on. He looked bored and he rubbed his hand over his crotch, which was well-filled. Then a woman, about thirty or older, but very shapely and hard looking, walked across the yard with a basket of laundry. She started hanging it on a clothesline and each time she lifted her arms her short skirt went up to reveal bare ass cheeks that shined in the sunlight. Gar pulled his shorts off, revealing his hard cock. He began stroking it as he watched her. In a minute it was hard.
"She didn't seem to notice him at first and continued until she had hung up all the clothes. Turning abruptly, she saw the boy. She looked at him disapprovingly at first, but then showed a glimmer of interest. She stood staring at his cock for a moment. The camera went in for a close-up of his cockhead, red and dripping with liquid and then back to her. She frowned, pretending not to be interested. As she started back to the house, Gar jumped up, ran to her and grabbed her by the hand.
"She resisted, but he pulled her to him and made her take his cock in her hand. She did so and then tried to move again, but stopped. Slowly, she turned back to him and kissed him full on the mouth. Then he lifted her dress and rubbed his hands all over her ass cheeks and around to her naked pussy. She stepped back and pulled the dress up over her head. They were both naked now in the sunlight.
"While the flick was playing, Bill sat down on the other side of Sheila. She began to play with both our cocks, which had certainly gone hard by now. We leaned against her, sometimes going down to nibble on one of her hard little tits.
"Meanwhile, in the flick, Gar and the older woman had fallen to the ground and began rolling around in the green grass, making love. I thought he was going to go down on her several times, but he stopped just before getting to her bush. I wondered if he didn't like sucking on a pussy? I soon got my answer. He pushed her legs apart on the grass, lifted his head and shook it, causing his blond hair to jump in the sunlight. Then, he brought his face directly to her pussy and almost stuffed it up there! The woman's face flushed and she banged her feet on the ground as the kid sucked the living, hell out of her cunt!
"Then he really got into it, which excited me even more; because ass-fucking is the thing that really turns me on. Even to watch. The kid was an expert for his age-for any age.
"He rolled the woman over and spread her legs again. The camera came in for a real tight shot of her spread buttocks. They were-damn, it's hard to find a word!-exquisite! They were fucking beautifully! The sunlight cast a shadow down the middle of her crack, but you could just see a little glow of moisture in the hairs which surrounded the opening. He bent and kissed her asshole and pulled away. Then he turned her over and started into her cunt again. She went crazy with excitement.
"Bill's camera work was as good as his tongue had been in my ass! He got it all close-up this time. We watched as Gar lapped the cunt and covered it with mushy kisses. Then he pulled on the genital hairs with his teeth and pulled the extended clitoris into his mouth. The woman was holding her cunt lips open wide- talk about a beaver shot! When his lips hit her clit, I thought she would rip her pussy open! Bill and Sheila were panting-as was I-because the film was really exciting. I could see Sheila pulling on Bill's huge cock and I thought to myself, Wouldn't it be nice to see Bill fucking Sheila in the ass?
"Then Gar flipped the woman over again and placed his hand between her ass cheeks. Bill said, 'Watch this, you won't believe it!' He was right!
"Gar played with the woman's asshole as he beat his cock in his other hand. He knelt between her legs, pulling on his meat just above her spread ass. His cock seemed to grow harder and I thought he was near coming. I was ready in his arms and told me, 'It's all right, Alice. It's all right.'
"Once we were married, we tried conventional fucking. It was miserable. I didn't know how to respond and half the time Claude couldn't get it up. We'd fall asleep crying together sometimes. I didn't dare tell anyone how awful I felt. I was sure it was all my fault, that I was making him impotent.
"Then one night he rolled me over on my belly and began to make love to my ass. First he gently ran his fingers over the opening, tentatively, cautiously, waiting for me to protest. I let him continue. There was something a little shocking about it at first, I'll admit, but I wanted so much for our lives together to go well that I was willing to try anything.
"Then he brought his lips and tongue to the same spot, kissing it the same way he'd always kissed my mouth. I sensed immediately that he enjoyed this more than most of our attempts at lovemaking, but I didn't stop to ask why. Because he enjoyed it, I suppose, I too became aroused. When my ass was thoroughly moistened with saliva, he inserted one finger, then two.
"At first I was tight. Two fingers were painful. He kept kissing my arms, my neck, my buttocks and urging me to relax. At last he inserted his cock. When I screamed in pain, he perhaps thought I was reacting with pleasure. It hurt, my God, it hurt that first time. Yet, I didn't stop him the next time and soon I learned to relax. I learned to ass fuck the way most girls learn to fuck, I guess, with reluctance and a lover's patience. And before long he made me crave it so much we never bothered to try the other kind of fucking. Little did I know where he had learned this strange art. Nor did I suspect when he started seeing a psychologist that this was one of the things he was to be cured of. When he emerged from his treatment, a full man, he wanted no more boys and no more me and no more ass fucking. He even told me bitterly that he'd married me only to put on a good front for his profession. So I was left, humiliated and lonely, with a craving that very few men could satisfy."
Alice Z's acceptance of the "inevitability" of anal intercourse indicates a strong trend towards masochistic behavior in her psychological makeup. Many researchers accept this masochistic trait in women, especially virgin women-as Alice was prior to her marriage and introduction to analism-as a normal and useful component of their female sexuality, developing congruently with adolescence and sexual maturity. Helene Deutsch wrote in her book Psychology of Women:
Woman's entire psychologic preparation for the sexual and reproductive functions is connected with masochistic ideas. In these ideas, coitus is closely associated with the act of defloration and defloration with rape and painful penetration of the body. The sexual readiness, the psychologic pleasure-affirming preparation for the sexual act, draws its masochistic components from two sources-one infantile, regressive and dispositional and the other real. For defloration is really painful and involves the destruction of part of the body ... Acceptance of the pain associated with pleasure, or of pleasure associated with pain, may result in such a close connection between the two that the sexual pleasure becomes dependent upon pain. Thus feminine sexuality becomes and acquires a certain amount of masochism as a psychologic preparation for adjustment to the sexual functions is necessary in woman.
Thus we see that Alice went to her marriage bed expecting to be hurt by the sexual experience. Unfortunately, she was not able to overcome the experience of being hurt and therefore she associates all vaginal intercourse with being hurt and is therefore unable to enjoy it. Had her husband been a man of determination, been able to lead her through the problems associated with the first sexual experience, and above all, been sexually well-oriented, she would probably have been able to develop a normal sexuality. Instead, he introduced her to anal intercourse as the only form of sexual experience they could both enjoy, then left her humiliated and lonely when he was cured of his homosexual problems.
Another unfortunate factor is that the men Alice met, following her divorce, were equally unwilling to help Alice find the means to enjoy vaginal intercourse. Of great help might have been some of the various marriage manuals around today. However, the most important lessons, the lessons Alice needed most to learn, are not to be found in books.
" 'I've seen you somewhere,' the handsome blond stranger said to me over his martini. 'I'm certain of it. But where?'
" 'Maybe I've visited you in my dreams,' I said coolly, but not really wanting to put him off.
" Then they were wet dreams, baby.'
"What nerve! I liked him, though and it had been over a week since I 'd heard from Jerry. This blond Viking introduced himself as Siegie and minutes later we were speeding away from the bar in his old MG. Well, here I go again, I realized. This is how divorcees become promiscuous, I guess and I seemed to be joining the ranks.
"Instead of asking where I lived, he drove to his place, a rustic little cottage in one of the canyons, with organic vegetables growing all around. No wonder he was the picture of physical fitness. At least, he drank martinis instead from her eyes as she felt our cocks pumping hot gushes in her asshole and mouth. She told us later that it had been one of the best moments of her life. After that bout, she was so wrecked she fell asleep while Bill and I sat naked there on the floor, our cocks dead after that fantastic fuck. We talked about erotica and music.
"That's an example of my life. I have great power over women. But after I'm through fucking them in the ass, I generally prefer men to talk to. Call me a male chauvinist, I don't give a bloody damn. Girls are dumb. They're good for a fast ass-fuck and blow job, but I know I could never live with one. And I don't like cunt-fucking much either."
Whenever we find a sexual aberration (perversion, fetishism, inversion) investigation reveals some experience in the nature of a fixation in childhood. Denholm is no exception to the rule.
The fixation in childhood which causes the outbreak of neurosis is always concerned with the way in which the Oedipus complex is resolved.
As we know, the Oedipus complex represents two opposite currents of feeling. On the one hand, there is a strong current of feeling for the mother, a desire to possess her in a sexual manner. The other current is termed the castration complex, which is the result of an identification with the father. These feelings represent the fears of punishment relating to one's desires for an incestuous relationship. The child, before the latency period and during the adolescent and preadolescent teenage stage of development, has a strong libidinal drive for the mother. In the beginning of the latency period, all sexual desires meet with the fate of repression. This is how the child handles his first sexual feelings, in fear of external punishment by the father. This mechanism is no longer available to the pubescent; his repression fails in the wake of his growing sexuality.
But as a result of the castration complex, he is forced to seek sexual satisfaction in an exogamous relationship. In other words, his desire for his mother or sister will evoke the wrath and taboos related to the question of incest. Thus he is threatened with retribution. This is the castration complex; to avoid this danger, he seeks an object outside the family circle.
One of the most common reasons for the appearance of this complex relates to the degradation of the sexual object. This is Denholm's problem. He is unable to unite his affectionate and sexual love components. Therefore he cannot find a common recipient for both these components of his love instincts. Freud summed this up in Contributions to the Psychology of Love: "Where such men love they have no desire and where they desire they have no love."
Why do individuals behave in this manner? We have already mentioned the incest barrier, which prohibits sexuality directed towards the parents, most particularly in the case of the male towards the mother. Because of the creation of this barrier, the individual is forced to find a substitute for his mother relationship in the external world.
If this exogamous choice meets with frustration and/or if the infantile attractions are hard to renounce because of fixations, the libido has only one choice: it turns inward and this is known as introversion. From this vantage the libido seeks satisfaction in phantasy. As Freud stated, "The sensual current of feeling is now attached to the unconscious ideas of objects (i.e. incestuous objects) and discharge of it in onenistic acts contributes to the strengthening of this fixation."
In this way, it happens that all sexual feelings remain attached to their original incestuous objects. And because of the incest barrier (castration anxiety), the individual becomes impotent.
But there are less severe cases of psychical importance. In these, part of the sensual feelings seek objective gratification, from objects which do not remind the individual of his incestuous tendencies. As a result of this defense, there develops a split in his love life, the affectionate currents remain attached to the incestuous object and the sexual currents seek an exogamous object, i.e., one outside the family.
In other words, these, two components are originally united, but when the incestuous longings are too strong, it is necessary to defend against them. In this defense, the individual splits the components and seeks an object which does not remind him of his affectionate, relationship to his mother. In this way, affection is completely split off from his sexuality. The only way that the individual can find sexual release is if it is totally removed from his affectionate feelings which remind him of his mother and the castration complex.
The common way of finding protection against the danger is the lowering or degradation of the sexual object. This explains Denholm's inability to find any women for whom he may feel any affection. To him, they are merely sex objects and after he has been sexually satisfied he can hardly bear their company.
Another aspect of this case, which we must certainly not overlook, is Denholm's homosexual tendencies. It seemed at first glance that all we were going to be dealing with was the degradation of the love object, but as our case progressed we discovered that these tendencies became ever more noticeable.
In this manifestation, we find an analogy with the case of Antonio. The underlying unconscious reasons for both of these individuals' inversions lie in the fact that they are unable to you're a weird one. That's a fine ass, though,' he said, slapping me on the buttocks, 'a mighty fine ass.'
"I wasn't sure how to take what he said. It was different from the pleasant aftermath I'd enjoyed with Jerry.
" 'Hey,' he said, as though some flash of inspiration had suddenly struck him. 'You said you'd done some modeling? I know a guy who needs some pictures, far out stuff, you know. I'd be game if you were.'
"I looked at that stupid face underneath the blond hair and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
" 'How about it?' he asked.
" 'Shut up,' I told him and got into my clothes.
'That was the last I saw of him and I tried not to think about it. I ended up hitchhiking back from the canyon where he lived and managed to get home without being molested. Maybe I ought to get molested. Maybe that would help.
"Soon, though, I heard from Jerry and was thrilled that he was coming to see me. This was a man, a real man who emanated warmth and strength. In my mind, I guess, I was building him into some kind of god, but it was better than dwelling on my unfortunate escapades.
"I had sandwiches and coffee made when he got to my apartment, but it was me he wanted, not food. Just as he'd done before, he carried me into the bedroom. He explained that he'd been away on business, that he'd thought of me and wanted to get to know me better. I felt great, but at the same time I was scared of alienating him.
"My fears began to disappear as he smothered me with kisses, grappling at my hostess robe and pulling it open. He softly swept his hands over my breasts. Then his lips sought mine and he kissed me longingly, passionately. Already the stirrings of desire were rising within me. If only I could please him ... I really dug him a lot even though we hadn't done a lot of talking. In everything he did he showed himself to be a man of complete self-assurance. To me this makes a man sexy.
"When we parted from that kiss we were both panting. He got me out of my silky hostess gown and drew back the covers on the bed, then started to get undressed. I sat up, unbuttoning buttons for him and struggling with his belt buckle until he came to the rescue and undid it himself. He waited, though, while I slid down the zipper of his pants and reached my hand inside to that pencil-slim cock I adored. God, I hoped he'd do it again. My ass was already eager for that serpentine sensuality his ass fucking could produce, carrying me into regions of exquisite pleasure. He wouldn't put me down for wanting it this way, yet maybe he'd feel slighted that I didn't want it the other way.
"I pushed my perplexing thoughts out of my mind, now stroking his graceful tool with the utmost tenderness. I ran my fingertips over the glans, down along the sides, then finally encircled the diameter with my thumb and forefinger, rubbing the loose flesh up and down.
"I relinquished my hold long enough for him to wiggle out of his pants and shorts, then began again the slow up-and-down motion. At last I bent my head down over it, my hair cascading over his thighs. Extending my tongue, I licked it, letting my tongue travel along the tender ridge several times before opening my mouth and drawing the full length of it in. Continuing the slow sensuous motion I'd initiated, I now sucked, bobbing my head up and down, drawing the tender skin into my mouth as my head rose. I swept my tongue over its most sensitive bulge again and again. As I performed this delightful task, he ran his fingers through my hair and down along my spine.
"Finally he asked me to stop. 'Tonight I want to really fuck you,' he said.
"I smiled, suppressing my fears, but not saying anything.
"First, though, he lowered his head to my pussy and lapped at it, darting his tongue from my clit to my cunt hole, moistening the whole area. I shook with delight as he grazed my clitoris. There was a marvelous precision in the touch of his tongue that brought me swiftly to an intense level of desire, making me moan uncontrollably as his tongue swept expertly over the tender, quivering flesh, moistening it.
"I felt momentarily lost as he abandoned me with his tongue, drawing his face away. Next he positioned me on my side, lying down behind me. He was going to fuck my pussy from behind!
"I lifted one leg into the air while he carefully spread my cunt lips with his fingers. I could feel the bluntness of his cock against my slit where he held it for an instant before slowly shoving it inside. In this position that small cock was tighter than I could have imagined. I liked its steel-hard sharpness as he moved it in and out with deep, long strokes. His hands were now free to massage my clitoris as he fucked me. His cock almost touched my ass as he pulled it further and further out, making each stroke deeper and more intense than the last.
"It was good. My cunt was nicely moist and we fit together beautifully in this position. Yet something was missing. Even the agile movements of his fingers over my clit failed to bring me to the pinnacle of pleasure where I wanted to be. I was hot, my cunt juices were flowing freely and my breath was heavy and uneven. I longed, though, to have that beautifully graceful prick slithering into my ass.
"He knew, God knows how, but he sensed my mysterious craving.
"He whispered to me, 'You'd like it the way we were the other time, wouldn't you?'
A few weeks ago, I fucked the hell out of my cousin, Randy, who is married and has three little kids. He could dig it, so why couldn't I? It was great. I wouldn't mind fucking his wife's asshole sometime, either.
"Anyway, Sheila and Bill are typical of the people I meet and associate with. Bill and I talked that night about doing a flick together and when Sheila woke up, she said she wanted to do the flick with me, that we should be in it. I had only thought of writing the music to that point, but the idea of being in it wasn't a bad one.
"We left that night anticipating when we would film the flick. A week later, we went to Bill's apartment, where he had cameras set up around the bed.
"Sheila stripped in front of the camera and spread her asshole wide so Bill could get a good shot of its pinkness. She had beautiful ass lips, very hard and full. Then she got into the bed and started looking at pictures of naked guys. All of a sudden, I walked in the door with all my clothes on. She smiled up at me and called me to her. I stood next to the bed as she unzipped my pants and pulled my soft cock out. Then she leaned up and took it in her mouth and sucked on it while I undressed. When I was naked, I got into the bed with her and we rolled around for a while, as Bill directed us. He was standing behind the big camera, his cock as hard as a rock under his jeans. Then Sheila put her mouth to my asshole and began sucking on me as I played with my cock.
"'Rim him hard!' Bill called to her. She stuffed her tongue up my ass and practically knocked me over.
"Then I was really turned on. I tossed her over on her back and lifted her legs high into the air. I grabbed the tube of cream from the table next to the bed and wiped a gob of it all over the end of my prick. Then I placed it to her asshole and pushed it in. We fucked like that for a few minutes so Bill could get a close-up of my shining, slippery cock moving in and out of her expanded asshole.
"Then we changed positions. I lay on my back and rubbed my cock with more cream. Sheila stooped over me, facing my feet and I held my cock straight up into the air until her asshole was fitted over it and she came down. She sat on my cock as it slipped into her. Then she rode me, pumping her ass up and down, as I lay there watching, enjoying it all.
"'Hold it, gotta change film,' Bill called and we stopped, although it was difficult to. 'And make room for me.' he said. He changed the film and placed the camera further back from where it had been. There would be no close-ups anymore, but there would be a fantastic record of three people fucking.
"Bill dropped his pants and jumped into the bed with us. His massive cock was hard and Sheila and I both played with it, making love to his body. I licked his balls a bit and ran my fingers around his asshole as Sheila gave him a good blow job. Then he made Sheila lay on her stomach and spread her ass cheeks. He was going to fuck her.
"I greased his cock real good and applied more cream to mine. Then I watched and helped hold his cock to the tip of her ass opening as he began fucking her. He slid it in slowly-it was really big and it hurt her-until it was all gone. I pulled my hand from between their bodies and started working one hand down under her cunt, while with the other I rubbed on his balls.
"After a few minutes, Bill turned and looked down at my hard cock. "Want to stick it up me?'
" 'I'd love it.' I answered without hesitation, although I had never even thought of it until now. This would be something really new, but it would be great! I had wanted very badly to sink my cock in his tight ass and now to do it while he was fucking Sheila's beautiful little hole would be extra exciting.
" 'Oh, yes,' Sheila said, 'I want to feel you both on top of me. Fuck him hard, Denny!'
"I knelt between the four legs and looked at Billy's hairy asshole. His ass cheeks were as smooth and soft as Sheila's and it excited me when I looked down between them to see his balls shaking over her pussy. I rubbed a gob of cream between his buttocks while spreading his legs as far as I could so I could rub his asshole with the grease. I stuck my finger in him and he moaned. He was ready for more.
"I placed the tip of my cock on his anal opening and felt the hairs of his ass tickling my glans. Then I pushed, but my cock slipped away. I held it down, aiming it and pushed again. The bed creaked and Sheila groaned and Bill held his breath. My cock entered his rectum and spread the lips of his asshole.
"It hurt him a lot at first-'I'm not used to doing this very often!' he had said. I knew it was true, but as I slid more of my cock into him and gave him a chance to get used to it, everything was all right. I gave him a few easy strokes while he and Sheila lay very still. Then I shoved it into him with all my might.
" 'Oh, man, yes! Far out!' he said.
" 'Bill, your cock is growing inside my asshole! It's going to burst!' Sheila yelled.
"I guess the excitement of my cock up his ass made Bill even more excited. He pulled off of her a little, which pushed me even further into his hole and then slammed his loins down into her rear. We began a fantastic fuck, all three of us. I banged my cock in and out of Bill's asshole while he did the same to Sheila. She screamed in excitement under the pressure of our bodies and she reached up on each side and they were, well, more compatible. I knew what that meant Anyway, they wanted to try a one-to-one setup with no outside adventures, so it was the end of us. I wished him well, mustering up all the courage I could and remained cheerful until after he left,
"Once I was alone, I sobbed hysterically. I wanted Jerry, wanted him more than anything, but there'd been this one thing between us. I tried to tell myself that I'd become involved too soon after the divorce, that I was too vulnerable. The haunting recognition that something was really wrong with me kept coming back. I stopped going out completely and when I finally found some two-bit jobs, I decided to get real help. After all, I was left with a divorce, a disastrous affair and an odd sexual hang-up to get over. It was time to see an expert."
It was unfortunate that Alice's marriage and her first sexual experiences, introduced her directly to anal intercourse. Otherwise, it is doubtful if she would ever have developed the sexual inhibitions which prevent her from enjoying vaginal intercourse.
Fortunately, she had enough sense to seek professional guidance and we are sure that soon she will be able to enjoy all the many forms of erotic experience, including occasional analism.
CONCLUSION
In studying taped interviews of the many case histories which were culled prior to the preparation of this book, it became quite obvious that almost all of the women involved were harboring deep feelings of insecurity from their initial marital failures. Those feelings of insecurity were allowed expression in the area of promiscuous sexual relationships many of which spanned the full spectrum of deviant sexual practices.
In general, it was found that many of the women went through a period of sexual abstinence following their divorce, during which time they went through a period of deep depression. They felt that they had failed in life and were afraid to try marriage again least they again fail. Then, as time passed, each began to wonder about the reasons for their marital failure. At first, they were prone to place the blame for the failure entirely on their husbands, but, as time passed, each developed nagging doubts regarding their own ability to function as a woman, particularly in the area of their sexual relations with their husbands. This, naturally enough, led to a desire to experiment, to find out if they could please a man sexually.
Later, as each of the women tried, through sex, to quiet her fears that it was her own inadequacy which caused the divorce, the forms of sexual congress became more and more esoteric, eventually leading into analism.
It is, contrary to popular opinion, possible for a woman to have a thoroughly enjoyable orgasm during anal intercourse. This is because the primary area of feeling in a woman's sexual organs is the clitoris, not the vagina as is commonly thought. The vagina itself has very few tactile nerve endings. Some of the tissues surrounding the vaginal entrance are highly sensitive, especially the small inner lips known as the labia minora. Since these surround the vaginal opening they are stimulated by the rhythmic movements of the penis during intercourse and are a source of pleasure to the woman.
However, the clitoris is the most important spot, the female organ which directly controls her ability to achieve orgasm. The clitoris is deeply embedded in fleshy tissue so that many young women are completely unaware of its existence until it is aroused by the manipulations of an experienced man. When this happens, it, like the male's penis, enlarges when its blood vessels expand the spongy tissue in the course of sexual arousal. With further sexual arousal, nearing the point of orgasm, it retracts to become even less accessible than usual. This is because the head of the clitoris is so sensitive that it is liable to become quite irritated if manipulated directly for any extended period of time. Most women prefer indirect stimulation of the clitoris via manipulation of the mons pubis.
After the clitoris retracts, direct stimulation by manipulation or via penile contact becomes practically impossible. However, indirect stimulation occurs in every coital position where there is either full penetration of the rectal canal with attendant pumping motions. It is the pumping motion, not vaginal contact, which stimulates the partially or totally buried clitoris, bringing on the orgasm.
Most women prefer continued indirect stimulation of the clitoris during the course of orgasm. This comes with continued male thrusting into either the vagina or rectum. Because most men prefer to cease thrusting on reaching a climax, this suggests, that, ideally, the woman's climax should come before the man's, rather than having man and woman reach climax together.
CONCLUSION
As was said in the Introduction, all forms of sexual aberrations can be traced, back to the ramifications of the Oedipus complex and this was exemplified within these pages.
It was also demonstrated that the two currents of the oedipal situation-the desire for the incestuous relationship with the mother and the fear of this as it applies to the horror of castration-is the common criterion of these cases. An individual who falls ill, deviates from the norm, does so due to an inability to successfully handle the Oedipus situation.
The individual's first desires are for his mother and his first aggressions are towards his father, the person who forces him out into the world, away from the serene blissful state of motherliness. If it were not for this inhibition, each impulse would know only one destiny: gratification. We see, then, that this inhibitory identification with the father, which forms the castration complex and the negative element of the Oedipus situation, not only represents the factor which causes the outbreak of aberration, but also the factor which makes civilization possible.
The castration complex institutes the defenses of the mind which drive it out of the mother's shadow and into the world to seek substitute satisfactions. We have mentioned sublimation as being one of these defenses which fights off our incestuous longings. Sublimation takes up the excess libido which is not able to find a direct outlet in the external world from mother substitutes, therefore desexualizing it.
This desexualization is responsible for all the constructions, mental and otherwise, which make civilization possible. From this sublimation, our incestuous sexual desires are transformed into civilizing substitutes, such as into houses or dwellings which serve as substitutes to provide us with the shelter which we once longed to receive from the mother. In the construction of these substitutes, the original aggressive instinct against the prohibiting father is transformed into constructive aggressive tendencies, lending to civilization an energy which is utilized in the transformation and overcoming of mother nature.
With this civilizing trend, the forces of the Oedipus situation are relegated to the forgotten past; they are placed out of the mind. But like any desire or mental construction once it has come into existence, it can no longer vanish and its effects are continually at work even if we are not conscious of them. The forces of the Oedipus complex are repressed into the unconscious where they continue to live and affect our life. And it is only when and if we come to conscious terms that we will find any freedom from them.
What modern society calls the normal individual is only such because he has defended against these now unconscious impulses more successfully than the neurotic. But if he is to gain a lasting liberation and a subsequent knowledge of himself he must come to terms with these same forces which the neurotic is forced to do by his inability to cope with the demands of society.
Anal eroticism, as a variation and accompaniment of the sexual norm, can be fulfilling and provide diversion for normal sexual intercourse. What we have observed in these case histories, however, is the psychic conflict resulting from compulsive excess, which provides as much mental torment as it does physical pleasure.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Abraham, Karl. On Character and Libido Development. New York: Norton, 1966.
Deutsch, Helene. The Psychology of Women, Volumes I & II. New York: Grune & Stratton, 1944-1945.
Freud, Sigmund. General Introduction to Psychoanalysis. New York: Liveright, 1942.
------. Contribution to the Psychology of Love. New York: Crowell-Collier, 1963.
------. The Ego and the Id. New York: Norton, 1961.
------. Leonardo da Vinci and a Memory of His Childhood. New York: Norton, 1964.
Sophocles. Oedipus Rex. Translated by Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald. New York: Harcourt, Brace & World, 1957.
