Introduction
CHAPTER ONE - Behind with Pleasure CHAPTER TWO - Anal E.S.P
CHAPTER THREE - Sweet Sister of Mercy
CHAPTER FOUR - The Reluctant and the Willing
CHAPTER FIVE - Imagine All Those Nurses
Conclusion
Bibliography
INTRODUCTION
"Last year, when I was working in another convalescent home as an aide, I let myself be seduced by the charge nurse, a male L.V.N., on the night shift.
"His name was Malcolm G--. He was short and stocky and very tense, a very nervous man. He was always busy. He couldn't relax.
"Malcolm-I'll call him Mai-I think he was mostly a homosexual. He had a swishy walk, and flighty little gestures when he talked, and a way of talking that was definitely gay. But he seemed strongly attracted to me, or to my ass. He was always making references to my 'rear' and always patting it and hinting that it appealed to his 'baser' instincts.
"One night I was in a room changing a bed after an old man had died in it. The body was in the cool room in the basement.
"Mai came in and started fooling around while I tried to tuck in the sheets. He reached in under my uniform and pinched my ass.
"I whirled around and said, 'Don't do that unless you mean it.' I was laughing, and he was grinning. We indulged in a lot of horseplay. We'd been working together for several months. The night shift is a very private time, usually. A minimum staff, and mostly the patients are asleep.
"Mai had been patting and pinching my fanny for weeks. I had an idea he was strongly ass-oriented. He never tried to kiss me or touch my breasts. Always my ass.
"Anyway, that night he said, 'I'll tell you what, Peggy girl, you take down those panties and I'll show you how I mean it.'
"I said, 'Front or back?' I started to pull up my uniform skirt. I was daring him. I was smiling.
"He said, 'I'm not interested in your female equipment. Just show me your nice, naked rump.'
"So I did. I flipped up the back of my skirt and bent forward as I skinned down my panties. I put my hands on my knees and wiggled my bare ass at him. I looked over my shoulder to see what he would do.
"Mai was staring. His face was stiff and his eyes were funny. He surprised me. He went down to his knees and started fondling my cheeks, and kissing them. And licking them.
"That excited me. I loved it. My skin on my ass is sensitive, just like my breasts. I couldn't keep from really wriggling my ass from pleasure.
"Mai was shameless. He started licking into my split. I'm a very clean girl, so I wasn't reluctant to have him smell me or see me there. I trembled when his tongue licked closer and closer to my anus. His thumbs held my split open and he kissed further and further in ... until at last his tongue licked wetly over my anus.
"I was breathing fast and so was he. Mai was almost gasping. His fingers were clutching my cheeks as he pressed his face tight against my ass, right into the split, and his tongue started poking delightfully at my puckered little hole. It sent shivers through me.
"He stopped long enough to ask me, 'Do you like that?'
"I said, 'Do I!' I was getting all hot and bothered.
"He went back to tongue-poking at my anus, and my hole started to respond. It spasmed a bit and the tip of his tongue-he sort of made a stiff tube of his tongue-the tip poked into my hole!
"I gasped. A thrill went through me. He kept up that action. His tongue was getting into my anus easily. I was loosening.
"I peered down between my legs at his pants front and saw that he had a hard on. Tongue-fucking my ass turned him on!
"It sure turns me on! I love it when a man does it, but few do. Mostly men are only interested in fucking with their prick.
"But Mai ... oh, Mai! His tongue licked and poked so delightfully. I was itchy and glowing and squirming my ass. I slid my right hand under my skirt to my pussy. I gasped again as I touched my wet, slippery, throbbing clitoris. My head was hanging down ... I was wiggling my ass against his face and mouth ... and I was slithering my finger deliciously over my clitoris.
"I came! Oh, wow, did I ever come! It was all hot and shivery and strong! I nearly fainted. I nearly fell over! Mai's darting tongue going in and out of my anus was incredibly exciting! I couldn't keep my ass still. I didn't want to. I was panting and quivering and wriggling in my orgasm ... and I saw him reach down with one hand and unzip his fly. His prick popped but. It was juicy at the tip. It looked normal sized. He wasn't circumcised. He wrapped his hand around it and started to beat off while he tongued my ass.
"I felt selfish and I wanted to help him, to give him pleasure myself. I said, 'Want me to do that for you?'
"Mai stopped tonguing and jacking off. He hunched down and peered through my legs at my face. He grinned. His mouth was wet from his saliva. He wiped his mouth with his hand. He said, 'Sure, but I don't want to stop rimming your ass.'
"I said, 'I think if we got on the bed ... in the sixty-nine position ... with me on top....'
"He frowned as he visualized it. He smiled. 'You can sit on my face.'
"I guess that appealed to him a lot. We got up on the hospital bed. He wasn't embarrassed or ashamed in the least. I liked him for that. He laid flat on his back and I tucked in my skirts and straddled his head. His eyes were sparkling. He said, 'Umm, let me eat some more of this lovely ass!'
"I giggled and said, 'More lovely ass, coming down....' I lowered my ass. He used his hands to guide me and to open my split wide for his face and mouth.
"I was afraid I was too heavy for him that way, but I guess I wasn't. I was actually laying most of my weight on his chest.
"The problem was I couldn't reach under easily to stroke my clitoris. I said, 'Let's try it on our sides.'
"So we did. It was perfect. He rested the side of his neck on my thigh, like it was a pillow, and my other thigh was like a scissor-lock oh his neck. I could have choked him.
"I was face to face with his prick. I held it with my right hand and rested my head on my left arm. I started jacking him off, and I was pointing his prick right at my face as I did it. It was exciting and shivery to know that when he came he'd squirt into my eyes and onto my nose and mouth and chin....
"I wasn't turned off by shit, but if he squirted all over my face it would be a sticky mess. So I worked my head closer to his loins and took the end of his prick into my mouth.
"I don't really enjoy sucking a prick, but I don't dislike it, either. It's just that I'm not oral. I'm anal all the way. But even that's funny, because I get no kick from kissing and tonguing a man's ass. I'm passively anal.
"Mai was getting his tongue working in and out of my anus again, giving me that beautiful glowing tickling sensation. I was aware that he didn't want to fuck me in the ass, only tongue me. That was okay. His tongue was tremendously exciting.
"I sucked him and pumped his prick at the same time. Then I said to him, "Will you tickle my clitoris, please?'
"He worked a hand around one of my thighs and got a finger into my pussy ... and then right on my swollen, tingling clitoris.
"He knew anatomy. Mai was drilling my anus with his tongue, getting at least an inch of tube tongue into my excited little hole with a wonderful fluttering, stabbing movement. And at the same time he was running his fingertip over my throbbing clitoris, sending strong pleasure thrills through me.
"I sucked and pumped faster on his prick. I was going to come again! The powerful building of sensory pressure was almost ready to break like a wave and wash over and through me.
"The faster I sucked and stroked his prick, the more wild he tongued my ass! Suddenly his hips jolted forward and my mouth was stuffed with his prick. I knew it was his time. He made a whimpering sound against my ass. The surging breath from his nose tickled my split. His tongue went crazy in my ass-hole.
"I stroked his prick as fast as I could. I used my tongue as I sucked on the end of his prick, and on as much of his prick as I could when he shoved it deep and butted my head back.
"I went almost blind as a lightning bolt of pleasure whipped through me. Another one! I shivered and trembled. My ass squirmed against his face. The sensation of his tongue plunged in my anus was more intense than my exploding clitoris! My thighs tightened on Mai's neck.
"His prick gushed semen into my mouth. He shot five or six times---I had to swallow the stuff. I couldn't disentangle myself. I didn't want to. I sucked and pumped and swallowed and gasped and moaned as my pleasure swept through my nerve system.
"When it was over for both of us, we lay like that-in sixty-nine-for a few minutes. He kissed my ass affectionately, but our lust was gone. I let his prick slip limply from my mouth.
"We got off the bed, made some jokes, straightened our uniforms, and he left to do his job.
"I had to put another clean sheet on the bed.
"We got together like that, Mai and me, three times, in empty rooms. It was wonderful.
"But-just when we were going off together that last time, Albina F-, the other aide on our floor, a mean old black bitch, walked in on us and gave out a scream that woke half the building.
"Well, she reported us the next day to the manager and he fired us both. We were lucky he gave us each a letter of reference with just the bare minimum of nice things about us...."
Whenever the subject of anal intercourse or anal sexual activities comes up in conversation, the most often asked question is: "What's in it for the woman?"
The most common misconception regarding anal sexual activity is that the man involved will be able to orgasmically enjoy the experience because a man is able to receive sexual stimulation and achieve sexual gratification in any orifice, as long as there is a physical stimulation of the penis, while the woman is limited to sexual excitation and orgasmic satisfaction only through physical stimulation of the vagina. Nothing, in fact, could be further from the truth, as has been shown repeatedly in modern psychosexual literature.
The wide-ranging findings in the sexual field, reported by Masters and Johnson in their book Human Sexual Response, include the following pertinent observations concerning female sexual stimulation and gratification:
The nature of the orgasm in women is the same, regardless of the method or zone of stimulation, and it is as definite as it is in men. There is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm distinct from a clitoral orgasm; anatomically and physiologically there is only one type of orgasm: the rhythmic contractions of the outer third of the vaginal barrel, releasing the vasocongestion of the greatly distended circumvaginal venous plexi and vestibular bulbs surrounding the lower third of the vagina.
They went on to make clear that the orgasmic function follows certain established patterns, patterns which are essentially identical with all women. They stated that the clitoris retracts approximately sixty to ninety seconds before the beginning of the orgasm, such retraction being an essential feature of the physical mechanism of the clitoral region, which maintains a continuous physical stimulation of the retracted clitoris by a rhythmic pulling on the edematous prepuce during sexual intercourse or by preputial friction occurring during direct stimulation of the clitoral region.
Clitoral responsivity, they found, was much more important than simple vaginal stimulation, such as is accomplished by the penis, in the eventual production of the orgasm. In other words, as long as there is a continuous physical stimulation of the clitoral region, a woman is capable of achieving a satisfactory orgasm.
Under "normal" sexual circumstances there are three possible methods of achieving this clitoral physical stimulation. The intercourse method, where the sliding motion and attendant friction of the penis in the vagina alternately pulls and pushes on the skin and muscles around the vagina and clitoris; by direct manual stimulation of the clitoris itself; and by internal stimulation through the use of the woman's own muscles. All three methods can be directly or indirectly operative during the course of anal sexual activity, and can, therefore, lead to an orgasm.
The first method, physical stimulation of the clitoris through the sliding motion and friction of the penis in the vagina, would be dampened, but not eliminated, by the insertion of the penis into the rectum rather than the vagina. The distance between the clitoral region and the rectum is somewhat greater than the distance from the clitoris to the vagina, but the physical pulling and pushing on the muscular tissues in the rectal, vaginal and clitoral regions would still be present, though somewhat weakened.
The second method, manual stimulation of the clitoris by the man, is common in anal sexual activities. In mounting the woman from behind, it is natural that the man would use his hands to fondle and stimulate the breasts and the clitoris.
The third method, self-stimulation of the clitoral region through the operation of the internal muscles in the area, would be equally operative in both anal intercourse and normal vaginal intercourse. Here the prime factor is the actual physical movement of the woman's body during the sexual intercourse operation, the "pumping" motion serving to stimulate the clitoral region to the point of orgasm. This is especially effective during the period following the retraction of the clitoris, immediately prior to the orgasm, and this pumping motion and stimulation would, of course, be in effect during both vaginal and anal intercourse.
Actually, the orgasm is not an individual event, as most people mistakenly assume, but a multiple happening. Orgasmic response in both men and women involves sexual stimulation and arousal, followed by four distinct orgasmic stages. These stages, or phases, were concisely described by Masters and Johnson as being the excitement stage, the plateau stage, the orgasmic stage, and the resolution stage. All four are present in varying degrees of intensity.
The arousal, or "sexual motive," stage is affected by several factors, such as the interest felt in the chosen sexual partner, the setting in which the sexual arousal is taking place, the mood of both partners, and the positive or negative effects of the sex-related emotions such as desire, love, . and anxiety over the participation in the sex act itself. When the degree of motivation for orgasmic release is high, sexual excitement occurs quite quickly. This sexual arousal and excitement is physically indicated by the onset of vaginal lubrication, lubrication which usually occurs within ten to thirty seconds of the initiation of direct pre-play by the man, and is the result of a "sweating" phenomenon taking place on the walls of the vaginal barrel.
If this intense sexual stimulation and excitement is maintained by the man, the intensity of the sexual response by the woman usually increases quite rapidly, and the woman enters into the next, the plateau, stage of the orgasmic cycle. The length of time she will remain in the plateau stage is directly dependent upon the degree of effectiveness of the physical and mental stimulation being received and the strength of her desire for orgasmic release. The stronger the stimulation and the more urgent the desire, the faster she will move on to the orgasm.
The actual orgasmic stage lasts only a few brief seconds, during which the basic physical responses of the body to sexual stimulation, and the widespread vasocongestion and increase in muscular tension brought on by the first three stages, are suddenly released. Both the intensity and the duration of this orgasmic experience vary widely from woman to woman, and from time to time and mood to mood in the same woman. This has been the main factor giving rise to the mistaken beliefs regarding the different forms of possible orgasmic response in women. In men there is a markedly smaller variation in orgasmic response, which is the possible reason why such legends have never grown up around the male orgasm.
Sexual drive and the many varied forms of sexual arousal and expression can be profoundly affected by both physical and psychological factors. The "normal" strength of the sexual drive varies widely with the age and sex of the individual under consideration, as well as with the degree of psychosexual balance. In an individual with an extremely strong sexual drive, whether this intense drive is caused by physical or psychological factors, experimentation with the more esoteric forms of sexual behavior, such as anal sexual activities, is to be expected. In addition, we know now that the usual frequency of orgasm in men is between two and four times per week, while women have a much greater, and, again according to Masters and Johnson, an almost unlimited orgasmic potential. It is because of this high degree of sexual and orgasmic potential, often unfulfilled through lack of opportunity, that women sometimes develop a strong predilection for the various forms of sexual behavior, especially oral-ism and anal ism.
In this connection, Dr. M. J. Sherfey stated in his article on the evolution and nature of female sexuality in relation to psychoanalytic theory, in the Journal of the Americal Psychoanalytic Association, that the rise of modern civilization was contingent on the suppression of the inordinate cyclic sexual drive of women because ... women's uncurtailed continuous hypersexuality would drastically interfere with the maternal responsibilities, and with the rise of settled agricultural communities ... large families of known parentage were mandatory and could not evolve until the inordinate sexual demands of women were curbed.
Finally, to understand the personality and behavioral patterns in the sexual area of those who become involved in anal sexual activities, as well as other forms of psychopathological sexual behavior, we must first understand that a large part of this unusual sexual behavior is motivated by fear, both conscious and unconscious.
Psychological and psychosexual studies conducted in the past decade have shown conclusively that many persons who prefer other, unusual forms of sexual activity to normal heterosexual intercourse suffer from a neurotic fear disorder which is often psychopathological in nature. Fear is the determining factor in sexual frigidity in women and impotence in men, and is quite often the cause of sudden and dramatic changes in the normal mode of sexual behavior in otherwise stable-seeming persons.
Where anal sexual activity is the preferred method for sexual stimulation and gratification, it is quite often used by the psychoneurotic person as a method of preserving the ability for sexual gratification while renouncing the emotionally feared heterosexual relationship.
In addition, the hope of finding some form of responsive sexual stimulation which is strong enough to break through the barriers erected by these fears, a breakthrough which will allow the individual to form normal emotional attachments, will send the person in search of ever more esoteric sexual practices.
CHAPTER ONE
Behind with Pleasure
"Sexual experimenting was nothing new for me; I had studied the subject on my own since the age of fifteen. Some of my favorite books were those which dealt with the studies in sexual behavior, written by all the known authorities. Sex had always fascinated me, not in the way it does most people, but as a facet of man's behavior. There is so much mystery and ritual about the subject that it was a natural for my curious mind.
"I haven't done all the things I've read about. I guess that'll take a lot more dating with a great variety of men for that to happen. However, now that I'm working with highly educated people in a hospital, things are beginning to work out pretty good. By that, I mean, it seems that the more intelligent and imaginative people are more prone to experiment, whether it be with sex or anything else in life. I guess I've masturbated in every conceivable way possible. That's how I started broadening my knowledge of my own body and sex in general.
"You see, these books describe in detail how various individuals get their kicks, from the pathological to the normal. So I used these case histories as guides to discovering what my own body was capable of as far as different kinds of stimulation was concerned. I'm glad I took up nursing before I had exhausted the possibilities because some of the methods for making yourself come can be lethal. We get occasional patients who try playing with themselves by inserting a pop bottle up their vagina. It never occurs to them that the damn thing can break. You'd be surprised how many women are rushed into emergency because they stuck a bottle in their cunt and wound up practically bleeding to death. Also, the suction creates a vacuum and they can't get the stupid bottle out!
"Oh, I've used all sorts of things, like large candles that I heat over the stove and then carve with little ripples, so it gives more friction when I push it in and out of my pussy. This jazz about girls using bananas is a bunch of crap. Ever feel the tip of a banana? Can you imagine that scraping the sensitive insides of a girl's cunt? Don't you believe it.
"One of my favorite tricks was a huge rubber hot dog that I bought at a novelty shop. I'd coat it with cooking oil, lie back on my bed, and slip it in a little at a time while I played with my clitoris. The hotter I got the more I'd shove it in, until I was so hot just the fucking action of the rubber wiener was all I needed to bring me to a climax. I was always afraid of putting anything into my ass because I didn't know what I could injure up there. That is, until quite recently, but that's how my latest adventures began.
"Anyway, I was game for anything that would give me a new thrill if the books confirmed that it was okay, or pointed out the dangers. like sticking things in your urethra. If you put the wrong things in there you can wind up in the hospital. like the other day we had a sixteen-year-old girl come in because she was playing with herself, using a bobby pin. Stimulating your urethra is about the most intense thing there is-it can really send you through the ceiling! So I can't blame any girl for trying that out. But short things like bobby pins can get lost in there by slipping out of your fingers. But, man, that's really intense when you put something in there. I used to use a real thin plastic tube that was closed off on one end. I'd oil it up, or use my thick saliva, and slip it into my little hole. God, I felt like someone had just put a torch to my body. It lights up your whole insides. I could come in just a few seconds that way.
"It would leave my insides so stimulated that I craved sex the rest of the day. I would do that on a weekend so I would have all day to play with myself. After a few hours, I'd flop in bed, pinch my clitoris, and suck on one of my nipples. Boy, was that good! Then a couple hours later I'd grease up my other breast so it was real slippery. I'd sit in front of my full-length mirror with two fingers up my vagina, and play with the greased-up tit with the other hand. If you don't have any hang-ups about sex, you can find an infinite number of ways to ball with your own body.
"I still masturbate, even though I can have any doctor I want-the single ones, that is. I don't mess around with the marrieds. It's just that there's not always a man available when I'm ready for loving. I have my own apartment, so I do as I damn well please. Since I learned about anal stimulation, I sometimes use that when I play with myself.
"I don't know why I didn't discover how great my ass could be in sex until so late. I mean, I always enjoyed having my ass petted and squeezed, but it never dawned on me that I could be turned on to liking being screwed in there. To me, it was just another part of my body that got excited when I was being fucked or petted. As far as I was concerned, the fellas I made love with could play with my ass all they wanted, but to fuck it? I figured that was just for their pleasure, as sort of an exploration thing.
"Oh, sure, I had massaged my anus several times while finger-fucking. I knew it could be pretty stimulating, but that was just on the outside. Then, about six months ago, I dated this doctor who was new at the hospital. He is one hell of a lover, as he showed me on our first date.
"While at a drive-in movie, I snuggled up to him and we began kissing. As my passion rose, I began French kissing him. He responded by petting my breasts. We sat there, getting more and more excited. His hands felt so good on my tits, like he understood exactly what kind of caressing I wanted every second. First his hand brushed lightly over my rayon blouse, just barely pressing my mounds. Then he began lifting and gently pushing in on my breasts. He didn't touch my nipple for the longest time. He waited until I was so excited that I practically begged him to play with my nipples. He got me so hot, so desirous of his body, that I was climbing all over him in the car. I couldn't stand it any longer and told him to drive us to my place. If we were parked elsewhere, I would have raped him!
"As we entered my apartment he placed his arm around my waist, reached up, and began playing with my nipple. I almost pulled him to the floor, he had me so passionate. I cupped my hand over his and led him to the bedroom, where a dim red light shone from the ceiling. This is my sex pad, and I've got it equipped with red and blue lights, for whatever mood I'm in.
"I started to unbutton my blouse when I felt his hand, ever so gently, remove mine from the opening in the blouse. 'Let me,' he said, kissing me all over my neck. That sent ripples of fire all down my body, making small feathery glows between my legs. I had never met a man who could make such beautiful love even before we got into a bed.
"When he had me stripped, he lifted my small body up in his strong arms, kissed my lips, then my breasts, and lowered me slowly onto the mattress. I began clawing at his shirt, wanting to feel his beautiful hairy chest, to press that firm body against my tits. His mouth met mine again and enveloped my lower lip. As he gently sucked on my lip his hands were busily removing his shirt. He never left me unstimulated for a moment. God, what a lover!
"Even as he unzipped and removed his pants, the other hand fondled my pussy, rubbing it gently, squeezing and caressing. Now he was completely nude, sitting at my side, softly fingering my little pussy lips as the other hand petted my nipple. I was burning up with passion, wanting him to continue petting me, wanting him to fuck me, to ravage me if he liked. His warm fingers kept me in a spiral of mounting sexual excitement; tidal waves of agonizing lust were being driven through every part of me. My pussy was wet with the love juices my lover made pour from me. He was causing more wetness between my thighs than I had ever experienced; that delicious feeling, knowing that I am a woman ready to receive my lover's organ at any time he wished to enter my body.
"But he made no move to indicate that he was about to mount me, even though my insides were crying out for his meat, that wonderful large hunk of man that makes a woman feel complete. Instead, he gracefully, tenderly took my nipple into his mouth as though he were sucking the most delicate morsel of food. His tenderness thrilled me; the complete devotion to arousing my whole being to craving his every touch, to wanting him so desperately that I would be driven to plead for fulfillment! 'Oh, Ronny, please do something,' I urged. 'It's so beautiful, I can't take any more. Please do something ... fuck me Ronny, please fuck me. Oh, God, Ronny, please fuck me . . .you're so beautiful ... it's so beautiful ... please fuck me.'
"He lifted his head from my breast and whispered, 'I'm not through loving you, Dolores. There's more of you I want to taste.'
"His total love of my body, and his desire to experience more of it sent warm sensations of sex swirling through my head. I had never felt so loved, so willing to give my entire body as a gift of sacrifice and submissive slavery. I was his to do with what he pleased, and everything he was doing seemed so fantastically unreal, so intensely sexual. I was being lifted up into a world of pleasure and delight my body had never experienced.
"His hands caressed my waist, moved down to my smooth graceful hips, and stopped. With a firm movement he signaled me to turn over, his hands never leaving my full hips as he guided my body so that I lay on my breasts. He placed both hands on my lovely ass and rubbed lightly, caressing it with the sex that seemed to spark from his fingers. I moved my hips under his warm hands. My ass was getting hot under his constant massaging. My hips swayed back and forth, not knowing how to relieve the mounting beautiful sexual excitement he stirred in them.
"Then I felt his mouth breathing hot breezes into the crack. I squeezed my ass cheeks together, hoping for some relief from this latest source of pleasure. I was wild with passion. 'Oh, God, Ronny,' I cried, 'do something to me, please. Bite me, pinch me, suck on me. You're driving me crazy. Oh, Jesus, I love you. Please make me. Oh, Christ, you're tearing me apart with your love. Ronny, you've got to make me! Please baby, I can't take any more! Oh, I love you! Please fuck me!'
"He said nothing, but kept breathing his hot breath into the dark delicateness of my cheeks. His hands cupped both sides of my ass and he began squeezing and pressing those spongy mounds, which gave me new and delightful feelings. Then, " as if to surprise my already over-stimulated body, he pressed his tongue against my anus. Oh, God, I wanted to scream out for him to fuck me at last. How much longer was he going to torture me? I needed his prick inside me so bad.
"His tongue left my anus and he began to make little bites on my cheeks, sucking and nibbling small areas of sponginess in his mouth. My hips moved uncontrollably in circles, then jerked from side to side. Every bite, every suck made my clitoris swell and pulsate. I ground my hips into the mattress to get some contact on my pussy, to find some relief from his wonderful manipulations of my soft body. He was literally driving me crazy with this nonstop teasing and perpetual stimulation of every part of me but my insides-that which was screaming desperately for caresses.
"As he squeezed and bit into one soft cheek, his free hand reached under me, sliding a finger up and down my sopping wet pussy lips, up to the clitoris and back down to the hole, then continuing back to my anus. Oh, God, I was writhing like a mad woman. When was he going to fuck me? He had perfect control of his rhythm and movement; he was pushing my nervous system over the brink of tolerance. Each time his finger slid from my clitoris, caressing the full length of my pussy lips, and to my anus, I plunged my hips downward into the mattress, in a desperate fucking movement. The whole area, from my cunt to my ass was tingling with sexual energy.
"Now he concentrated his full attention on my ass, pulling the cheeks apart, licking my anus. I moaned and whimpered, groaned for his prick to become part of me, any part of me. I had to have my lover in me, to feel his stiff cock caressing my insides. As he continued chewing on my ass, his finger again slipped between my pussy lips and rubbed my clitoris. 'Oh, Jesus, Ronny,' I cried out, 'you've got to fuck me now. I don't want to come without you in me. Please fuck me now before I come!' All the while, his fingers were flipping my hard sex button back and forth, driving me up the walls, while his tongue licked my anus, which by now had become so sexually aroused that I wanted and needed gratification even there. To my surprise, I uttered, 'Fuck me in the ass, fuck me in the ass. Oh, make it feel good. Fuck me in the ass.'
"I was wild, reeling in ecstasy. My cunt wasn't crying out anymore, but his long stimulation of my anus and ass caused a need, a craving for gratification in a different way from the usual. Ronny withdrew his fingers from my slit, grasped both sides of my full hips, and drew them upward so I was on my knees and elbows. He coated his beautiful prick with his thick saliva and pressed it against my anus. It was now the center of my sex.
"At the time, I knew what was happening, that it wasn't what usually satisfied me, but that's what my body needed right then-to be fucked in the ass. I felt crazy and wild with lust. Ronny's seduction aroused feelings in me that no other man had. I felt that my body was created to entomb a penis regardless of how or where it plunged into me. He seduced my little ass into wanting him there, and the thought of being fucked in such a different manner drove me to greater heights of abandonment.
"He grasped my hips firmly and pushed his hard prick forward, into my hot waiting ass. I pushed back, driving his hot meat full into my hungry body. It was weird, strange, and therefore exciting! He pulled out a little and plunged his hot prick into my tight ass again. I moaned and wiggled with ecstatic passion. I could feel parts of my insides being massaged that had never been stimulated before; a kind of distant but extremely pleasurable sexual pressure. He pulled me to him, pounding my soft ass against his hips. I loved the power in his hands, the way he controlled my body and made it move in rhythm with my needs. I could feel that hot prick going deeper and deeper into the unknown recesses of my ass, that mysterious territory no penis had ever explored or made sexually excited.
"I raised my ass higher and higher, begging for his prick to drive in again and again. Then, while his giant cock throbbed in my body, he reached around and began to finger my clitoris. I could feel the muscles in my stomach clench hard, as if wanting to squeeze that monstrous prick with all my body had to give. My ass tightened, squeezing his prick firmly as he slipped it slowly out a few inches, then drove it to the hilt, all the while flipping my sex button like mad. My head became hot and numb; skyrockets flashed across my eyelids as my whole being seemed to explode in an onrush of fiery coals and molten lava. I was coming from what seemed like every part of me. There was a complete shattering of every cell in my hot body; I came again and again, screaming at the top of my lungs at each throb of my orgasm, jerking and flipping my hips and shoulders in wild spasms of indescribable joy.
"I collapsed in exhaustion onto the bed. Ronny rolled off to give me breathing room and flopped one hand on my ass. That was the most fantastic orgasm-I should say series of orgasms-I had ever had up to that time.
"Shit! You talk about experimenting! That was the zenith! Only it really wasn't an experiment. He made me want to be fucked in the rear. That's what was so fantastic about the whole thing. That first experience of getting screwed in the ass taught me an important thing about sex that I hadn't realized: you can enjoy almost any kind of sex if it is introduced in a tantalizing and exciting manner. Ronny had introduced me to anal screwing in just that way."
Studied from a psychosexual orientation, the subject of this case history has several quite serious emotional problems, all of which stem from one root factor. She is completely and totally in love with herself. Not the normal selfish self-interest which is an accepted part of the psychological makeup of all of us, but an overpowering narcissism which had distorted her entire psychosexual operative outlook into something which is close to being psychopathological.
One of the most positive indicators of this strong narcissistic behavioral pattern is her continuous masturbatory activity, a form of sexual behavior still considered to be totally abhorrent and perverted by many people. A large part of the reason for this attitude to self-stimulation is no doubt due to the teachings a child receives from his or her parents regarding masturbation. Teachings which are, for the most part, quite inaccurate.
The various familial rules against masturbation have given birth to numberless myths regarding the subject. Myths such as the one which states that masturbation is a direct cause of mental illness, or that it will make a person become sterile, or cause hair to grow on the hands. Actually, there is absolutely no scientific evidence to support these old-wives' tales. L. Dearborn, in his article on autoeroticism in the Encyclopedia of Sexual Behavior, stated:
No other form of sexual activity has been more frequently discussed, more roundly condemned, and more universally practiced than masturbation.
Actually, masturbation is considered to be a psychopathological indicator only when it either becomes a compulsion beyond the willful control of the subject or the sole form of sexual activity when more normal forms of sexual expression are available. In this case, the subject is not physically limited to masturbatory activity, and indeed takes part in heterosexual activity. The self-stimulation does, however, show signs of being a compulsive form of behavior with her. This shows that her masturbatory activity is a symptom of her emotional disturbance, narcissism, not because it is a form of abnormal sexual behavior, but because it is compulsive behavior.
The studies done by the Kinsey research team and reported in their book Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, indicate that over seventy-five percent of all women have engaged in masturbation. This shows conclusively that self-stimulation is a virtually universal and inevitable aspect of psychosexual development, and in most cases it has been shown that it is adaptive in nature; that is, it is an adaption compensating for a missing element in normal heterosexual relationships. In this case, the adaptive factor is narcissism. Since the subject is unable to find anyone she loves as much as herself, she prefers to make love, sexual love, to herself, although she is willing to engage in relationships with men. She does not, however, receive the emotional satisfaction from these relationships that she gets from her masturbatory activities.
Sandor Rado, in Volume One of The Psychoanalysis of Behavior, stated that normal heterosexual love is made up of three major components, sexual love, magical love, and sensual love. Examination of the subject shows that, in all three components, her love is directed inward.
In sexual love the dominant factor is a desire for shared orgasmic release between the partners. While the subject here is able to enjoy orgasmic release through heterosexual behavior, the enjoyment is selfish, in that she is not in the least interested in whether or not her partner reaches a satisfactory orgasm. Added to this is the factor that she is able to achieve a more complete release through masturbatory activity.
Magical love, according to Rado, is the feeling that one's love partner is supremely intelligent and powerful, able to provide security, care, and comfort, and is a shield against the problems of the everyday world. The magical love object, in effect, performs the same functions as the parents did, with the same effect. The subject of this case history, since she is strongly narcissistically oriented, is unable to conceive of a person more intelligent or powerful than herself. In addition, she believes that she is able to provide for her own security, comfort, and care much better than any outside agency, better even than her parents; consequently, it is impossible for her to feel any form of magical love for a person of the opposite sex.
The sensual form of love-relationships is stimulated by an appreciation of the psysical attractiveness, the obvious sexuality, of the love-partner chosen, and, in addition, is an idealization of him on a highly subjective level. The appreciation of sexual attractiveness is what draws some women to fantasies involving movie stars, and the subjective idealization is the root cause of the fantasies in which the woman fantasizes the possibility of a relationship with the movie star. On a more normal level this sensual love is directed at whatever man the woman has become involved with. In this case, the subject is in love with herself, with her ability to stimulate herself to orgasm, and since her sensual love-choice (herself) is available, the idealization is real, rather than a fantasy.
"I saw quite a bit of Ronny in the ensuing weeks, but as with most relationships there had to come a parting of the ways. We were lovers for about two months, living like man and wife in our off hours. While it lasted, it was a real groove. He's the one man who will live in my memory because he gave me such wonderful sex. There's always someone like that in everybody's life, I guess, and he was it for me.
"But I didn't have sex just through the rear-that came afterwards, when we broke up. Knowing how much I liked having my ass stimulated, however, Ronny usually fingered my anus while we fucked or sixty-nined. I could tell when he planned on putting his finger in my ass because he would spend several minutes filing the nail of his index finger before coming to bed. That was to make sure he didn't scratch my insides. We had an intense love affair which began with sex and never stopped. I mean, there was hardly a moment one of us wasn't fondling the other.
"I was crazy about his body and he felt the same about mine. That's a glorious thing when two people are so sexually attracted to each other that their flesh becomes an overwhelming and all-consuming fixation. We spent more time in bed together than out of bed. When we came back to the apartment after our shift at the hospital, we kissed as soon as we got inside our love nest. One kiss turned us both on, and off to bed we'd go.
"One time, after I had made dinner, Ronnie looked at me from the living-room sofa where he was resting, and I felt that sexual warmth sweep through me. Just a look, mind you! We were so attuned to each other that one loving glance was enough to make my body weak with desire. I walked over to him, sat down and kissed him full on the lips. His hands went under my uniform and slowly slid around to my ass. He didn't even have to play with my tits anymore to make me reel with passion; all he had to do was caress my plump little ass and I melted in his arms. I thought surely I had become a nymphomaniac, so often were we having sex. I couldn't get enough of his loving.
"He stuck his tongue in my mouth and hot ribbons of fire trickled through my body and nestled in one massive burst of flame in my clitoris. I sucked his tongue hungrily, with the same love and lust I had sucked his prick the night before. I unzipped his fly and took that large swollen cock in my hand, squeezing it and pumping it. He moaned into my mouth with passion as his fingers found their way to my anus. Slowly, gently, he rubbed that small dark area, sending shivers all through me. My vagina, clitoris, and anus were all responding simultaneously, contracting and expanding in spasms of sexual excitement. I could feel my panties getting soaked with my love juice, wet from my lover's magic hands.
" 'Dinner can wait,' I moaned.
"Ronny 'mmmmed' and put his tongue back into my wet mouth. I loved sucking on him, any part of him: his tongue, his nipples, his prick his ass. All of him was delicious and made me sexy.
"We got up from the sofa and he swept me up in his arms. His tongue reached out and licked my lips. I cried a whimpering sigh and sucked that beautiful tongue back into my mouth. He set me down at the foot of the bed and we undressed quickly. I sat on the edge of the bed and took his gorgeous love stick in my delicate hands and kissed the head of that pleasure-giving flesh with tenderness and desire. That beautiful prick was the joy of my life, the thing I lived for. I wanted it in every part of my body, wanted to feel his hot swollen prick between my breasts, in my mouth, between my thighs ... everyplace.
"My hands reached up and cupped his cheeks as my mouth opened wide to suck in his manly prick. I brought him to me, sucking that swollen hunk of sex full into my throat. I had learned to relax my throat muscles so that I could give him full satisfaction by taking in every inch of his cock. I loved fucking him with my mouth. I loved to tell him that too. It made him hot just to hear me say it.
"My tongue licked the underside of his prick, up and around the delicate purple knob. It moved and swelled in my hands as if to tell me how much it liked what I was doing. Ronny placed his soft hands on my face and gently pulled me away from his joy stick. I lay back on the bed as he moved that long prick into my pussy lips. With jabbing motions, his wet prick poked at my clitoris. He kept hitting it with the tip of his prick over and over, as though fucking that little hot spot. Fireworks exploded down there every time his loving meat pressed against me. My mouth opened and closed, moaning and whimpering from the intense sensations flitting all through my loins and stomach. There was no other contact, just his soft firm prick touching me in my most sensitive part. It made me mad with longing for his entire body to hug me and crush me to him.
"I didn't want him to stop, and yet that constant intense sex feeling that shot through me each time his prick bounced off my clitoris gave me the craving for more in other parts of my body. I was writhing on the bed and whimpering. I loved what he was doing to me, and at the same time I was frustrated from not having that prick inside me to finish what he had started. I couldn't stand any more, and both lust and hunger finally exploded as I cried out a torrent of cursing. 'Oh, you son of a bitch! You're killing me, you bastard! You fucker! Oh, you beautiful shit! Give me your prick, damn it! You dirty cocksucker! Fuckin' bastard! Oh, shit, stop it! You're killing me, you fucking bastard ! Oh, cocksucking dirty son-of-a-bitch ... fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!'
"He rammed his cock into my pussy as my legs flew around his hips. I jammed my cunt at him, swallowing his big cock all the way to the end of my cunt. We rammed our pubic bones together, which caused both pain and pleasure. I was violent, thrashing my body against his with every ounce of energy my muscles could force. We were fighting a war of sexual energy, Ronny wildly hurling his prick into me as I met him with equal thrusts, plunging my hips at him with fierce lunges.
" 'Stick it in my ass!' I screamed. 'Stick it in my tight ass!' I wanted that pole in every slit and opening of my body. He pulled his prick out of my pussy and positioned it lower, as I raised my hips to meet his. With one lunge his fat swollen prick pierced my anus and became mine in another hole. He grabbed my hips and pulled and pushed, ramming his meat into my sexy ass, pounding my cheeks, my fleshy hot ass that delighted in the poundings as our bodies met.
"I reached down with one hand, fumbling nervously for my clitoris. There was sex juice flowing copiously, running down the slit, lubricating my ass and Ronny's penis. I swept one finger up the center of my pussy lips and came upon my engorged clitoris. It was throbbing, pressing outward to meet my soft finger. My lovely sex button, that miniature prick which sent me flying whenever it was rubbed.
"As Ronny's giant prick was setting my being on fire, I rubbed and pressed that little joy button with a vengeance. Sex was never better, I thought. Any sex with him was good. He slammed that big tool of his into me as I heightened my passion by pinching and twisting that hard red flesh, bathed in my love juices which felt sexy even to my touch.
"I felt my whole body begin to leap with the sexual flames of the oncoming orgasm, an orgasm which was going to make all the others seem like little ripples. At the last few seconds, as the mounting fires consumed my insides, I brought my other hand to my breast and sucked in my nipple. Excruciating shocks of unbelievable sensuous intensity jolted into my clitoris, which I had been pinching and pulling with madness. I sucked my sweet nipple harder, pressing it against my teeth for greater and more painful stimulation. The hurricane of excitement came crashing in as the world spun wildly, throwing me in all directions. An orgasm of unbelievable strength and power ripped through my body, causing one burst of explosions after another, catapulting my senses to unknown heights of joy. My body shrieked in agonizing pleasure. I felt as though I were screaming deafening sounds from every cell and pore of my body.
"The very next thing I remember was somebody crying, a hysterical weeping that shook my body as it lay curled on the bed. Strong arms surrounded me as I quivered, tears flowing down my cheeks in small rivers. The crying ceased as quickly as it had begun. I lay heavy on the bed, sinking deeper, floating softly down, down, down....
"I was abruptly awakened by music coming from the radio alarm clock. My God! We slept straight through till the next morning. I guess our bodies had just had it.
"That day was a very groggy one at the hospital, I can tell you! If I had to assist in any emergencies, I don't think I would have been much help. My veins felt like they contained liquid lead instead of blood. The night had really wrung me out.
"A few weeks later Ronny got a transfer to a hospital across town. The hassle of driving the distance made it necessary for him to move closer to his work, so we didn't see too much of each other. Our dates tapered off until suddenly there were no more dates, no more phone calls, no more Ronny. It just petered out slowly. He began dating other nurses at his hospital, and I found myself fighting the loneliness by accepting dates with other fellows.
"But during our relationship I had developed a taste, a need for anal screwing. I could come without normal intercourse. At the beginning, I would use other stimulation along with being screwed in the ass, like having the guy play with my clitoris or nipples while he fucked me. But as time went on, I discovered that my rectum had developed sufficient sensitivity to arrive at an orgasm without additional stimulation.
"There was no trouble in getting men to screw me there because not many girls go for this sort of thing. I guess it's because we're brought up to think that anything outside of so-called normal intercourse is sick, or perverted. But I never dated a fellow who didn't enjoy it with me, which proves that there's nothing abnormal about it. They all expressed their enthusiasm when I told them to fuck me in the ass. It's different and exciting.
"And there is small chance that I'll get pregnant doing it with my ass. I can't take those birth-control pills because of side effects, so this kind of fucking works for me in more ways than one. I haven't been screwed in my pussy for months, and I don't miss it. I'm completely satisfied having a man's penis in my rectum. I get the same glorious satisfaction of him filling my body with his, that wonderful feeling of oneness.
"But anal intercourse hasn't replaced everything, just vaginal intercourse. I still like sixty-nining and all the other things that make sex interesting. In fact, I can't stand a guy who only wants to fuck. I love to suck on penises and have guys suck on me. And at other times I'd rather just play around, like mutual masturbation. If a guy wants to finger-fuck me, that's okay too. Just as long as we enjoy ourselves. But when it comes down to screwing, I like it better in my ass than in my pussy.
"I remember this young intern who took me out.
When we got down to the nude in my bedroom, he immediately went for my cunt. After he finger-fucked me for a while, I asked him to put his finger in my ass. The poor guy froze, shocked at what I said. I don't suppose he'd been around too much. I mean, anybody who's at all sophisticated knows there's nothing weird about anal stimulation. It just takes one little experience to learn how nice it is to have your ass played with. And to prove my point, I seduced this young intern, and while I sucked his sweet prick I began playing with his ass. He liked it all right, and after a few minutes of petting his cheeks I wetted my finger with saliva and pushed it against his anus. As I sucked in his prick, my finger made little circles on his hole. You should have seen him squirm.
"Then I slowly pushed my finger into his ass and he moaned like crazy. I blew him while moving my finger in and out and around in histight little hole. After he came he told me it was one of the best comes he ever had!
"But there were some men that I couldn't take in the ass-their pricks were too big, and it hurt when they put it in. I can take a big prick in my vagina-that damn thing will stretch for a horse, if it has to! But not my little ass. If a guy has a really mammoth dick, I can't accommodate him. That's how I judge whether or not I fuck the fellow I'm out with, by the size of his organ. By fucking, I mean in the ass. I don't have any trouble coaxing a man away from my pussy and into my rectum. It's so seldom they meet a girl who actually asks to be screwed from the back that they don't hesitate for a second in putting it in me.
"Another time, just as I was getting ready for bed, some salesman knocked on the door peddling cookware. He was in his thirties, quite good-looking, and very sexy. He had that virile personality that some salesmen project, a vibrant, alive feeling. I let him in the apartment, partly out of curiosity of his product and partly to see if this virile hunk of masculinity could turn me on by his presence. He showed me brochures and pamphlets illustrating his wares, and kept glancing at my nightgown, searching for the outline of my body underneath. It was a flannel nightie, and not at all transparent.
"As I leaned over to examine one of the pictures, my boobies bounced loosely under the nightie and his eyes immediately went to the moving cloth. I could see out of the corner of my eye that his face was getting red as he stared at my tits. I looked him square in the face and said, 'Do you see something interesting?'
"He was so flabbergasted at the question that he jerked his hands nervously on his briefcase and cleared his throat. The more I looked at him the warmer I got. When he realized I was flirting, and not being sarcastic, his muscles relaxed and he said, 'Yes. You.'
"He was exciting me. Not to drop the ball, I said, 'Maybe you'd like to see my wares. They're not for cooking, but I'll bet they can get you pretty hot.' I took his hand and placed it on one of my tits. He dropped his briefcase, squeezed my breast hard, and kissed me on the neck. My juices began to flow. He kissed me again and again all over my neck, making my cunt flow like mad. I could feel my clitoris swelling and throbbing, beginning to ache with sexual longing. I hadn't had any sex in over a week and was ripe for picking. Every time he kissed my smooth neck I felt stronger stimulation swirling in my stomach and pussy. My ass was tingling, telling me it too wanted to be touched and loved.
"I stood up and said, 'I think we'll be more comfortable in bed.' He replied, 'You know it, lady. I could be real comfortable with you there.'
"He began undressing frantically, as though racing against time. When he was completely naked, I stood and looked at his beautifully tanned body. He was muscular and in good physical shape. I hadn't seen a body like his in ages. We were both breathing heavily, looking searchingly into each other's eyes. He approached me and slipped his hands under my nightie, grabbing the I cheeks of my ass hard. I kissed him, plunging my tongue into his mouth as he brought my hips against his hard prick. He squeezed me tighter, sucking on my tongue till it hurt. His hands were digging into my ass with tremendous strength, kneading the soft cheeks in his iron grip.
"He was so excited that he lost control of his muscular potential. But though he hurt me, I still kept getting more excited. I was enjoying his rough handling of my body. He ground his prick into my pussy area, making fucking movements, and squeezing my ass so hard I thought he'd tear me apart. It only made me hotter. I ground my lips against his, twisting and turning my mouth, sucking forcefully. He moaned and countered with more rapid hand movements on my ass. I thought he would crush my hips, so hard was he grinding them against his own. That prick felt like an iron bar pressing into my stomach.
"I pulled my mouth from his, gasping and panting. 'Let me remove my nightie,' I said, barely getting the words out.
"His hands quickly released their steel grip from my ass and shot to the top of the nightie. With one lightning stroke he ripped my nightie open, baring my titties. His arms encircled my bare waist as he sank his teeth deep into my fleshy shoulders. He was wild and animalistic, and it made me even more excited. I fell headlong into his orgiastic and unselfconscious mood of lust. I flung my arms around his massive shoulders and dug my nails into his back, sucking and biting on his neck. It was wild and primitive. I felt like an animal who knew nothing of the refinements which people had developed in their lovemaking. I didn't think; I just felt and fought with him. This was a contest.
"He bit and sucked unmercifully on my shoulders and neck, as my nails dug into his flesh, scratching, piercing his massive body. We were in a jungle of complete abandonment. No rules, no considerations for the other's feelings; just selfish, almost hostile, attacks of sexual abuse on the flesh, raising our desires to higher and higher peaks of aggression.
"He sucked my cheek into his mouth and bit down hard. I screamed with pain; pain which was mixed with pleasure, as my body cried out for more abuse. 'I'm gonna fuck you so hard I'm gonna kill you,' he grunted, then squeezed me So hard I thought I would pass out. My torn nightie had fallen to the floor, so our naked bodies were in full contact, wet and hot with lusty passion. He pushed me hard against the bed, pinching my flesh as he did so. I fell onto the mattress, rolling facedown.
"He pounced on my ass and chewed into the soft fluffy mounds like an animal after its prey. He jammed a thick finger into my cunt, moving it jerkingly, roughly ... for his pleasure, not mine. 'Oh, you sweet ass, you,' he gasped, 'you fucking sweet ass. You're gonna get yours.' He removed his finger from my pussy and rammed it into my ass. I was helpless under his strong hands, but I was loving the helplessness, thrilling in his dominance of my body. 'Oh, you sweet ass,' he repeated, 'you fucking sexy ass,' and again his teeth sank into my smooth fleshy cheeks, biting and sucking every inch.
"He pulled his finger out of my anus and grasped both cheeks in his large muscular fingers, squeezing my flesh unmercifully, experiencing its texture and softness, reveling in the way my flesh fought against his pressure and molding. I moaned the moans of sexual agony when everything is right and good.
"He spread my cheeks wide and attacked my sensitive anus, licking and sucking hungrily, drooling his thick saliva over my entire crack. He buried his face between my cheeks, groaning with his exquisite pleasure of being surrounded by my lovely ass. He licked and sucked as my hips swayed to the rhythm of his moving lips and tongue.
"His warm face left my cheeks and he climbed upwards, lying flat and full upon me. The weight of his heavy body sent chills of sexual delight all through me. He sucked and chewed my shoulders and upper back, sending sharp delirious shocks of throbbing passion into my clitoris and anus. His hips rose as one hand aimed his cock into my tight cheeks. Then, with his full force, he plunged it deep into my ass, smothering my body again with his. I screamed with joy. He filled me with a giant prick, all the while keeping my helpless body pinned beneath his own. The complete contact, the warmth of his body, made me feel protected and loved completely.
"With small insertions and withdrawals, his prick stayed full in my ass, his hips pounding over and over on those rubbery cheeks of mine. His hands reached under and grasped my hot breasts. As his fingers found my nipples and began to pinch them, I thought I would die from the ecstasy. I couldn't move; I wanted to writhe and twist, but his heavy body kept mine immobile. His total domination of me was thrilling, a kind of frustrating sexual excitement.
"His pinching of my tits was driving me wild. The fucking he gave my ass was absolutely fulfilling. And then, with a warning pulsation which rippled through my body, I felt my orgasm winding its way, making swirling fires in my belly, traveling to my ass, and finally erupting in a volcanic fury as I screamed my pleasure into the vast ocean of turbulence surrounding me. He bit his teeth into my flesh, raising the peak of my orgasm still higher. His large penis drove in to the hilt, spurting its juices deep into the recesses of my body.
"We lay there for several minutes, gasping for air, not moving or speaking. His prick still lay buried in my loving ass, keeping the cooling flames of that sensitive part warm with his magnificent tool.
"He left me as I lay, overjoyed with this new and different experience. I heard the rustle of his clothes as he got dressed. I was too weak to even turn over and look or talk. He disappeared, closing the front door, as I drifted off into blissful sleep."
It is extremely doubtful if the subject of this case history will ever be able to form a "normal" sexual relationship with a man, primarily because of her strongly established narcissism or self-love. The fact that she is able to enjoy sexual relationships with men in no way changes this evaluation, since these relationships take place on a purely physical level, with no deep emotional involvement.
CHAPTER TWO
Anal E. S. P.
"Oh, I guess I've been anal all my life. Ever since I can remember my mother used to almost beg me-she'd say, 'Peggy, for God's sake, stop playing with that awful stuff!'
"That's why it doesn't bother me to clean up patients who are too sick or dumb or old to use a bathroom or bedpan. I just wipe them up and change the sheets. The smell doesn't bother me. People sweat and spit and pee and shit. It's natural. Nothing natural is bad. I don't think so, anyway.
"I don't honestly get enough anal sex to suit me. I mean, I like it! I could take a good solid ass-fucking three or four times a day and still come back for more.
"Let me tell you how I masturbate. It's what I do most. I've tried those prick-shaped vibrators, and they're fine for about ten seconds, but after that the vibrations overpower the nerves and the sensations get dull and empty. It's overkill. Most of those vibrators vibrate much too strongly. Something like that with a soft, gentle, very light vibration would be fine.
"I like a soft plastic prick, about five inches long--just about the average prick. I got one from a mail-order company. This special plastic is so real feeling when you heat it in a pan of hot water for a few minutes and put a thin coating of K-Y on it, it feels just like a real prick going into me.
"But here's what I do. I get itchy during work and can't wait to get home to my little apartment so I can heat up my plastic prick and get my thrills.
"I lock the door, get undressed, and take a quick shower to clean work-grime and sweat off me. I dry off and stay naked. I don't like to wear anything when I'm home alone.
"I've got a cute little body, even if I do say so myself. I'm five feet one inch tall, and weigh one hundred even. I've got brown eyes and dark blonde hair that I wear up most of the time. I'm really proud of my ass-it's nice and small and rounded. The cheeks are like two creamy melons. (That's what a poetic writer said about them once. I never forgot.) I avoid the sun. I don't like to get tanned. I burn more than tan, anyway, no matter what kind of stuff I use. I like to keep myself all soft and pale and creamy. I use a lot of skin creams all over my body, especially my ass cheeks.
"I love to stand in my bathroom and sort of stick my ass out and use both hands to rub lotion into the skin. Around and around ... slow and easy. It's incredibly sensual for me. I watch myself do it in the mirrors. I have a wall mirror facing the medicine-cabinet mirror, so I can see my hands sliding around on my round little ass.
"I guess most people would never admit something like this about themselves, but I'm not ashamed. Of course, I'm anonymous for this, but that's just to protect my job and to keep from being bothered by a lot of uptight freaks.
"While I'm caressing my ass that way, smoothing in the cream and lotion, I get hot. I just plain get hot. I start easing my fingers down into the split and touching my little ass-hole. That sends shivers through me. And in front, in my pussy, I'm getting wet and oozy. And my clitoris starts to do its little tingling and throbbing.
"I'm breathing faster by then. But I stop there. That's my foreplay, I guess you'd call it. I make masturbation into an art.
"I get my nice plastic prick from its tissue wrappings in my bureau drawer, and I run hot water in the kitchen into a pan and start the soak.
"I get the tube of K-Y and I put a drop on my finger and I work it nice and easy into my ass-hole, getting it all slippery and ready.
"I've got a soft little glow in my ass-hole by then because I take about five minutes-working my fingertip in little circles around the opening, and then gradually pushing it in and out and in and out, just the tip of the finger. I keep my fingernails very short and well buffed, of course.
"By then, after that fingering, I'm really ready for my prick. I get it from the pan and dry it off. It's warm all the way through, just perfect.
"I put a drop of K-Y on the head and smear it all around, and down the shaft ... leaving about an inch to hold on to that's dry and non-slippery.
"Then I'm ready. I get down on my knees on a pillow beside my bed, and I lean forward with my head and shoulders resting on the bed.
"I slip the head of my warm, slippery prick into my split and start nudging my ass-hole with it. I wriggle my ass, reach under to my pussy with my other hand, and start touching my clitoris.
"I get strong shocks of pleasure right away. Small earthquakes of sensation go through me. I start to rub my clitoris and press my prick more and more firmly against my ass-hole.
"My ass-hole is used to giving up. It gives way and spreads apart and lets the head in. It gives little spasms at first, then settles down around the shaft.
"That's when my fun really begins. I start screwing myself in the ass with that prick ... and oh, it slides in and out so nice and easy, and it feels so good! I twist it and sort of corkscrew it in and out, every which way, but slow, slow ... to get all the sensation, the sweet glow that it gives me. And at the same time I finger my clitoris faster, and I get a different, more intense kind of pleasure ... and I come!
"It hits me so strong, that first orgasm! I shiver and go loose and hot and I gasp and I fuck my ass faster!
"Then it's just a soft glow, all melty feeling, in my belly and thighs and ass. I slow down and sigh and keep on and I feel another orgasm beginning to gather in my body, like a storm building up, and when the electrical tension reaches a certain point-wham! A bolt of pure pleasure is discharged and I'm in heaven again, gasping and fucking my ass-hole like mad, and fingering like mad....
"I can keep that up, orgasm after orgasm, until I have about five. That takes about a half hour. But after five comes like that I get weak-actually weak-all washed out. I get all trembling in my belly and knees and arms. I have to stop.
"But after an hour or so I can do it all over again if I want to. Sometimes I do, if I'm especially hot that night. It goes in cycles according to my period. Some nights, just before my period comes on, I get so itchy I do that three times in an evening.
"But it's still masturbation. And I'm a people person. I basically would much rather have a real man with a real prick fuck me in the ass while either he or I rub off my clitoris.
"There's nothing in the world like feeling a man fuck you in the ass faster and faster, harder and harder, till he comes and shoots in you there, while you finger your clitoris and come with him. Lord, what a combination! It just devastates me.
"I'm also unusual in that I'm positive I have E.S.P. I have something in the way of mental telepathy. I can't explain what happens to me any other way.
"The men I meet-the men who approach me-almost always turn out to be ass-men. They always want to feel me there or kiss me there or mostly fuck me there.
"I think I broadcast on a special mental wavelength, and only ass-men pick it up and respond. I've asked them why they decided to approach me and they say they're not sure, just something about me, aside from my cute little round ass, of course.
"I'm currently having an affair with a doctor. George. He's an ass-man, of course. He's married and has four children, and he doesn't ass-fuck his wife, ever. He has this element in his sexual nature, though, and I'm his outlet. Wow, am I!
"George is a big man-six feet two and overweight. He's over two hundred and twenty. You can imagine how he towers over poor little me.
"He's terribly strong, too, and just a little bit selfish and ruthless.
"I met him at work. He has several patients there. I guess I was broadcasting on the ass wavelength that night because he came around into the nurses' station-I was the only aide on duty and the LVN was passing out her medicines-and he started joking with me and touching me a little ... and then he boldly put his hand down on my ass. And rubbed in little circles.
"It was asking a question. He didn't say a word about what his hand was doing. He kept on talking about the charts of his patients.
"But I answered by letting him do it and I even stuck my ass out and showed I liked it by wiggling a bit. I looked up and smiled. He's a handsome, powerful man.
"He didn't waste any time. He said, gruffly, 'You like back-door lovemaking?'
"I said, and I flushed, because I couldn't look away from his brown eyes-he just held me-I said, 'Yes ... I do.' I sort of breathed it.
"He kept on rubbing my ass, and I started to get hot. I wondered how big a prick he had.
"George gave me a hot look and said, 'I'll be right back.' He went down the hall.
"When he returned a minute later, he took my hand and led me down the south hallway and took me into the manager's office. He closed the door and we were alone and it was dark.
"He hunched over and kissed me with lots of hot tongue. His hands, both big hands, were on my ass, rubbing and working up my white uniform till he could get his hands under it and still stay on my ass-rubbing so nice. And then his hands were on my white nylon panties, warm and strong, his fingers spread wide to cup each half of my ass, each cheek.
"He slid his mouth off my mouth and kissed the side of my neck. His hands were cupping and caressing my buttocks and pulling my pussy up against his pants.
"He had my uniform bunched up around my waist, held there by his arms as he massaged my ass. My pussy was covered only by my panties, a thin layer of nylon, and I could feel the really big, hard bulge of his prick.
"I clung to him and rubbed my pussy against him there. My vulva lips were wet and my panties were wet. My clitoris was getting very tingly.
"I was hot. But I was worried. I whispered, 'I have to get back ... Miss Y-'ll miss me.'
"He held me tighter. 'No you don't. I made arrangements with her.'
"I was kind of amazed. 'She knows we're in here?'
"He said yes. I don't know if he bribed her or not. I guess he did. Or he had some way of making her look the other way.
"George said we had at least a half hour. He pushed his hands inside my panties, onto my ass cheeks. He pushed my panties down ... to the level of my crotch.
"I let him. I loved his fondling of my ass. His fingers were skating into my split, deeper and deeper.
"I acted bold-I slipped a little to the side and got my hand on his prick. It was a monster! I shivered.
"I unzipped his fly and got my hand inside his pants and wormed my hand further, into his briefs, into the gap in front, and I got my hand on that big, thick prick of his. It was a shock, feeling a prick that big. He's a big man and I guess naturally endowed ... or overendowed. George has the biggest prick I've ever seen, and the biggest one
I've ever let fuck me in the ass. It was really huge!
"George whispered, 'You want that, Peggy?'
"I was in a turmoil. His hands were working so beautifully on my ass, and his fingers were starting to probe at my anus. But I couldn't get my hand all the way around his thickness, and as I worked my hand up that shaft, I found a big, knob-like glans. I knew it wouldn't be easy taking a thing that huge. It would reach way up into my colon, right up into my guts.
"I was afraid and yet I did want to be fucked by him. I was tremendously attracted to his strength and dominance and body ... yes, that awfully big prick was a temptation and a dread.
"I knew I'd let him go ahead. And I knew it would probably hurt me. I said yes, I wanted it.
"He took me to the big Leatherette-covered sofa against the wall. He said, 'I want some sixty-nine first.' He wasn't asking, he was telling. He pulled out his huge prick and laid himself on the sofa. The cushions crinkled under his weight.
"I stepped out of my panties. I didn't mind sixty-nine. I just didn't think I could do much of a suck job for him.
"George guided me the way he wanted me. He pulled me onto him. I knelt so I straddled his head.
"He got his hands on my ass and rubbed and fondled and guided my pussy lower and lower to his waiting mouth.
"I had my hands wrapped around his monster prick. It's a good thing it's as long as it is, or I couldn't have reached it with my mouth ... him being six feet two, and me only five one.
"I felt him licking my pussy lips, and settling my vulva down onto his mouth. His hands were always on my ass cheeks, caressing and fondling, easing his thumbs into my split, teasing my ass-hole, making me squirm a little.
"I started licking that big glans of his. I tried getting my mouth down over it. I had to stretch my mouth as wide as I could to take the head. That was all I could manage. My mouth was full. I could barely use my tongue.
"But George was using his tongue in me wildly! He told me later very few women could suck him well, because he was so big. Once, he said, he had a Negress with a very wide, big mouth who had gone down on him and sucked him off with immense skill and enthusiasm, but he couldn't quite hack a close relationship with her, even though she had a great ass and also loved to be ass-fucked.
"I had a series of small orgasms from his tonguing me, and rubbing my ass. He had a fingertip into my anus by then and was driving me itchy-crazy with a soft ass-glow from doing that to me. I couldn't help squirming around on his mouth a lot.
"I took my mouth off his big glans and started masturbating him slowly, using both hands.
"George pushed my pussy away from his mouth and said, 'That's enough of this. Get up.'
"I was glowing in my ass and pussy. I got off him and stood beside the sofa. He got off, too, and I could see a little better in the darkness, from the light that came in under the door from the hall. George's huge prick poked out of his pants ... wow, did it scare me.
"He told me to kneel down and rest my head on my arms on a sofa cushion. I pulled a cushion off to the floor and did what he wanted. My ass was up in the air ... and I felt vulnerable as hell. My anus was itchy and my pussy was drippy. All I could think of was that huge prick of his.
"He was breathing fast, and so was I. His hands stroked over my ass, lovingly. He said, 'You've got such a lovely ass...." He rubbed the head of his prick into my split. It was tantalizing and scary. He worked it up and down. He covered the glans with spit and made the long ass-groove wet and slippery.
"I reached under to my pussy and got two fingers wet with my juice. I smeared my ass-hole as best I could. George knew what I was doing.
"Then the time came. He got a little closer. He got the head of his prick right on my anus. He slipped his left arm in under my hips. His right hand held his prick in position.
"He had me. He started to pull my ass back onto his prick, and to push into me.
"My anus opened up under the pressure, but his glans was so big! I was stretched-the strain turned into pain. I was biting my lips. But thenahhh-the glans popped into my ass. It was like a big gulp. My anus spasmed around that big thickness. It tried to close and couldn't.
"There's a special kind of helplessness and defenselessness in being ass-fucked by a big, strong man.
"George was wise and considerate. He knew what a shock his huge cock was for my ass. He waited for my anus to get used to being stretched so wide. Then he started fucking me ... oh, so slowly at first ... little moves into me, just a half inch or so, in and out, as if we had all night. It was soon delightful to me. I could hardly wait for him to work deeper and deeper. The pain was gone, faded. The anal spasms were gone. There was pleasure.
"He gradually increased the depth of his moves, until he was really fucking. I was gasping as he sawed deeper and deeper. The thrust of his prick was incredible ... so much, so deep! An enormous blunt object surging up into my colon.
"The pleasure was in being possessed and in possessing such a huge prick. The glow was as much psychological as physical.
"I sluiced my fingers around in my pussy. I pushed fingers up into my vagina and felt the deep slide of his prick in my rectum.
"George was enjoying it very much. His breathing was loud. So was mine. A hot red bubble of pleasure was building in my guts and loins, making me shake and making me wriggle my ass and push back against his thrusts....
"George was plunging more and more length into my ass. I felt the head of his huge prick penetrating further and further into my colon. I felt a wild and weird kind of pressure. My anus was a ring of golden sensation. I was feverishly rubbing my clitoris. I shook and panted as an orgasm rippled through me.
"George's breathing was getting hoarse. He whispered, 'What an ass! What an ass!' He was fucking me faster, and harder, and deeper and deeper!
"I quivered through my orgasm and was almost immediately into the beginnings of another one. The soft melting sensations I usually have after a come were over very quickly.
"George was plunging all the way into my ass! He smacked my cheeks with his thighs. He pulled my ass tight to his loins. He sucked deep lungfuls of air. He was into me to the hilt! I felt engorged. My whole belly-my guts-were full of prick! My large intestine was swollen with prick! The colon and intestine spasmed too! A weird sensation-not painful especially, just weird! It felt like a giant turd was coming, going through me ... was passed and then invaded my ass again. Over and over.
"I fingered my clitoris and went through a moaning, quivering orgasm as George slammed his monster prick into me-all into me!-faster and harder. He was jarring me with his thrusts! I was in heaven!
"I felt him start to come. I knew because of his erratic, panting breathing. He grunted and actually sobbed. He cried, 'Oh, Jesus!'
"I responded, too. I was almost blinded by another orgasm that hit like lightning. My whole in-sides seemed to twist and turn under the impacts of his last powerful, shuddering thrusts. I knew he was spurting in me, mixing his semen with my churned shit.
"George pressed his loins tight to my ass. His giant prick lay totally buried in my colon. I was moaning with him, undulating against his loins, my belly flexing. I crouched, ass high, my ass totally used, my face pressed against the cushion, my fingers ravishing my pussy as his throbbing prick emptied itself of his last few drops of semen and began gradually to soften and shrink.
"The glow of my intense pleasure softened and melted my guts and flowed into my thighs and lower belly. I relaxed and sighed. I whispered, 'Oh, that was so good.
Peggy's anal sexual development, her fixation on fecal matter, and her quite obvious connected psychological problems, represent a direct regression to the anal-sadistic stage of childhood development. A regression which, if not treated, will eventually lead to even more serious psychopath-ological instability.
This anal-sadistic stage of development which Peggy has regressed to is a normal one for the child, coming right after the oral phase of development. During the development of anal sensuality as a child, Peggy was expected, for the first time, to relinquish a part of her freedom, in that she was expected to cooperate with her mother's demand that she use the toilet for the evacuation of feces. The primary aim of the developing anal sensuality is the enjoyment of the pleasurable sensation of excretion. Later on, the stimulation of the anal tissues through the retention of the fecal mass may have become an even more intense pleasure source.
There is a direct connection between anal and sadistic drives at this stage, which may be attributed to two factors. First, the object of the anal-sadistic activity is the feces themselves, and their "pinching-off' is regarded as a sadistic act. Subsequently in her psychosexual development Peggy begins treating people as she had previously treated the feces. The sense of social power which evolved from her learning sphincter control constituted the second sadistic element. In training for cleanliness Peggy asserted her power over her mother by giving up, or refusing to give up, her feces.
The first anal strivings are autoerotic. Pleasurable elimination (and, at different times, pleasurable retention) of the feces does not require the outside help of an object or person. At this stage of development defecation is invested with omnipotence, and the feces, which represent the agent of such pleasure, become a libidinal object, so to speak, by virtue of their narcissistic evaluation. Although they have become external, they have "ego quality," for they represent a part of what was once Peggy's own body. Hence, there is a tendency to re-introject what was once eliminated in order to restore narcissistic equilibrium. Thus, the feces become an ambivalently "loved" object. They are "loved" and retained or reintrojected, on the one hand, and they are hated and "pinched off' on the other.
Certain pleasurable anal sensations are associated with the mother's ministrations, such as diaper changes, which Peggy unconsciously remembers. This maternal care, in combination with the conflicts which surround toilet training, subsequently altered the direction of Peggy's object strivings. However, as mentioned above, Peggy treats people in much the same manner in which she treated her feces as a child.
The compulsive neatness which is typical of persons who have regressed to this pregenital stage of psychosexual development is an expression of their wish to dominate. They exert power over things and people and force them into a rigid and pedantic system, typical of the hierarchal structure of a nursing staff. Concomitantly, Peggy's feelings are characterized by the ambivalence referred to earlier, along with a tendency to control and retain her current love-object choice, together with a desire to expel and destroy it. Drs. John E. Mack and Elvin V. Semrad, in their section of classical psychoanalysis in the Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry, explained this.
The connection between anal eroticism and the physiological basis for ambivalence derives from the fact that during this stage in his development the child treats the object, that is, the feces, in a contradictory manner. He alternately expels the matter from his body and retains it as a loved object.
Although some progress is made toward finding a love object during the pregenital and oral-sadistic phases of development, for the most part a child such as Peggy develops libidinal activity which is autoerotic in nature. That is, the sexual impulses are directed toward her own body and discharged through a combination of anal sexual activity and masturbation.
The fundamental task which Peggy faced in attempting to find a satisfactory love object belonged in the phallic or genital period of development, at which time the pattern for later object choices was set down, for it was in this phase that Peggy discovered the anatomical differences between the sexes. Since Peggy actually never progressed completely out of the anal-sadistic stage, retaining anal erotic desires into the genital stage of development, it was only natural that her later decisions involving love-object choices centered around sexual stimulation and satisfaction through anal activity. The sexual and love-object choice events associated with the genital period set the stage for the developmental predisposition to later psychoneuroses, in this case the obsessive regression to the anal-sadistic stage of emotional and psychosexual development.
"Last year, when I was working in another convalescent home as an aide, I let myself be seduced by the charge nurse, a male L.V.N., on the night shift.
"His name was Malcolm G--. He was short and stocky and very tense, a very nervous man. He was always busy. He couldn't relax.
"Malcolm-I'll call him Mai-I think he was mostly a homosexual. He had a swishy walk, and flighty little gestures when he talked, and a way of talking that was definitely gay. But he seemed strongly attracted to me, or to my ass. He was always making references to my 'rear' and always patting it and hinting that it appealed to his 'baser' instincts.
"One night I was in a room changing a bed after an old man had died in it. The body was in the cool room in the basement.
"Mai came in and started fooling around while I tried to tuck in the sheets. He reached in under my uniform and pinched my ass.
"I whirled around and said, 'Don't do that unless you mean it.' I was laughing, and he was grinning. We indulged in a lot of horseplay. We'd been working together for several months. The night shift is a very private time, usually. A minimum staff, and mostly the patients are asleep.
"Mai had been patting and pinching my fanny for weeks. I had an idea he was strongly ass-oriented. He never tried to kiss me or touch my breasts. Always my ass.
"Anyway, that night he said, 'I'll tell you what, Peggy girl, you take down those panties and I'll show you how I mean it.'
"I said, 'Front or back?' I started to pull up my uniform skirt. I was daring him. I was smiling.
"He said, 'I'm not interested in your female equipment. Just show me your nice, naked rump.'
"So I did. I flipped up the back of my skirt and bent forward as I skinned down my panties. I put my hands on my knees and wiggled my bare ass at him. I looked over my shoulder to see what he would do.
"Mai was staring. His face was stiff and his eyes were funny. He surprised me. He went down to his knees and started fondling my cheeks, and kissing them. And licking them.
"That excited me. I loved it. My skin on my ass is sensitive, just like my breasts. I couldn't keep from really wriggling my ass from pleasure.
"Mai was shameless. He started licking into my split. I'm a very clean girl, so I wasn't reluctant to have him smell me or see me there. I trembled when his tongue licked closer and closer to my anus. His thumbs held my split open and he kissed further and further in ... until at last his tongue licked wetly over my anus.
"I was breathing fast and so was he. Mai was almost gasping. His fingers were clutching my cheeks as he pressed his face tight against my ass, right into the split, and his tongue started poking delightfully at my puckered little hole. It sent shivers through me.
"He stopped long enough to ask me, 'Do you like that?'
"I said, 'Do I!' I was getting all hot and bothered.
"He went back to tongue-poking at my anus, and my hole started to respond. It spasmed a bit and the tip of his tongue-he sort of made a stiff tube of his tongue-the tip poked into my hole!
"I gasped. A thrill went through me. He kept up that action. His tongue was getting into my anus easily. I was loosening. Wow, what a sensation.
"I peered down between my legs at his pants front and saw that he had a hard on. Tongue-fucking my ass turned him on!
"It sure turns me on! I love it when a man does it, but few do. Mostly men are only interested in fucking with their prick.
"But Mai ... oh, Mai! His tongue licked and poked so delightfully. I was itchy and glowing and squirming my ass. I slid my right hand under my skirt to my pussy. I gasped again as I touched my wet, slippery, throbbing clitoris. My head was hanging down ... I was wiggling my ass against his face and mouth ... and I was slithering my finger deliciously over my clitoris.
"I came! Oh, wow, did I ever come! It was all hot and shivery and strong! I nearly fainted. I nearly fell over! Mai's darting tongue going in and out of my anus was incredibly exciting! I couldn't keep my ass still. I didn't want to. I was panting and quivering and wriggling in my orgasm ... and I saw him reach down with one hand and unzip his fly. His prick popped out. It was juicy at the tip. It looked normal sized. He wasn't circumcised. He wrapped his hand around it and started to beat off while he tongued my ass.
"I felt selfish and I wanted to help him, to give him pleasure myself. I said, 'Want me to do that for you?'
"Mai stopped tonguing and jacking off. He hunched down and peered through my legs at my face. He grinned. His mouth was wet from his saliva. He wiped his mouth with his hand. He said, 'Sure, but I don't want to stop rimming your ass.'
"I said, 'I think if we got on the bed ... in the sixty-nine position ... with me on top....'
"He frowned as he visualized it. He smiled. 'You can sit on my face.'
"I guess that appealed to him a lot. We got up on the hospital bed. He wasn't embarrassed or ashamed in the least. I liked him for that. He laid flat on his back and I tucked in my skirts and straddled his head. His eyes were sparkling. He said, 'Umm, let me eat some more of this lovely ass!'
"I giggled and said, 'More lovely ass, coming down...." I lowered my ass. He used his hands to guide me and to open my split wide for his face and mouth.
. "I was afraid I was too heavy for him that way, but I guess I wasn't. I was actually laying most of my weight on his chest.
"The problem was I couldn't reach easily to stroke my clitoris. I said, 'Let's try it on our sides.'
"So we did. It was perfect. He rested the side of his neck on my thigh, like it was a pillow, and my other thigh was like a scissor-lock on his neck. I could have choked him.
"I was face to face with his prick. I held it with my right hand and rested my head on my left arm. I started jacking him off, and I was pointing his prick right at my face as I did it. It was exciting and shivery to know that when he came he'd squirt into my eyes and onto my nose and mouth and chin....
"I wasn't turned off by come, but if he squirted all over my face it would be a sticky mess. So I worked my head closer to his loins and took the end of his prick into my mouth.
"I don't really enjoy sucking a prick, but I don't dislike it, either. It's just that I'm not oral. I'm anal all the way. But even that's funny, because I get no kick from kissing and tonguing a man's ass. I'm passively anal.
"Mai was getting his tongue working in and out of my anus again, giving me that beautiful glowing tickling sensation. I was aware that he didn't want to fuck me in the ass, only tongue me. That was okay. His tongue was tremendously exciting.
"I sucked him and pumped his prick at the same time. Then I said to him, Will you tickle my clitoris, please?'
"He worked a hand around one of my thighs and got a finger into my pussy ... and then right on my swollen, tingling clitoris.
"He knew anatomy. Mai was drilling my anus with his tongue, getting at least an inch of tubed tongue into my excited little hole with a wonderful fluttering, stabbing movement. And at the same time he was running his fingertip over my throbbing clitoris, sending strong pleasure thrills through me.
"I sucked and pumped faster on his prick. I was going to come again! The powerful building of sensory pressure was almost ready to break like a wave and wash over and through me.
"The faster I sucked and stroked his prick, the more wild he tongued my ass! Suddenly his hips jolted forward and my mouth was stuffed with his prick. I knew it was his time. He made a whimpering sound against my ass. The surging breath from his nose tickled my split. His tongue went crazy in my ass-hole.
"I stroked his prick as fast as I could. I used my tongue as I sucked on the end of his prick, and on as much of his prick as I could when he shoved it deep and butted my head back.
"I went almost blind as a lightning bolt of pleasure whipped through me. Another one! I shivered and trembled. My ass squirmed against his face. The sensation of his tongue plunging in my anus was more intense than my exploding clitoris! My thighs tightened on Mai's neck.
"His prick gushed semen into my mouth. He shot five or six times.... I had to swallow the stuff. I couldn't disentangle myself. I didn't want to. I sucked and pumped and swallowed and gasped and moaned as my pleasure swept through my nerve system.
"When it was over for both of us, we lay like that-in sixty-nine-for a few minutes. He kissed my ass affectionately, but our lust was gone. I let his prick slip limply from my mouth.
"We got off the bed, made some jokes, straightened our uniforms, and he left to do his job.
"I had to put another clean sheet on the bed.
"We got together like that, Mai and me, three times, in empty rooms. It was wonderful.
"But just when we were going off together that last time, Albina F-, the other aide on our floor, a mean old black bitch, walked in on us and gave out a scream that woke half the building.
"Well, she reported us the next day to the manager and he fired us both. We were lucky he gave us each a letter of reference with just the bare minimum of nice things about us.
"Mai came over to my apartment a couple times, but he got awfully possessive and jealous of my other lovers. We had a fight about it, and didn't see each other after that.
"I can't be a one-man woman. I like to be ass-fucked too much. And at the same time I like to live by myself.
"I took a chance one time-I risked a one-shot with a patient.
"He wasn't a regular patient. He was forty-six years old and he was in the convalescent hospital to dry out after a binge. He was a big executive in one of the big aerospace companies. His name was Donald E-
"He had the only private room in the place. I was on the night shift and the chart said he had to have an alcohol rub at nine.
"I went into his room and found him jacking off under the sheet. He stopped when he heard me, but I saw what he had been doing.
"I carried my tray in and put it on the medication table next to his bed. I said, 'Don't let me stop you. It isn't against the rules.' I smiled.
"He had nice gray hair, thin, and a moustache. His body was pudgy. He wore tinted glasses. He said, 'I'd rather you did it for me.'
"I said, 'I would if it was on the chart. Get your doctor to prescribe a penile rub and no problem. All it says now is an alcohol rub. Rub, not drink.'
"He said damn, smiled, and turned over onto his belly when I asked him to. I pulled the sheet down and started in.
"He was pudgy, but undernourished. We were giving him all kinds of vitamins and special foods.
"I rubbed his neck, shoulders, back, and then started in on his buttocks. He had a round, fleshy ass on him-it was a little like mine. I said so and he laughed.
"I enjoyed massaging his ass. I spent a lot of time on it. Rubbing and kneading and ... actually, at the end, fondling and caressing ... letting my thumbs ride down into his split a little.
"He was enjoying it-even squirming. He said, 'You've given me a stiff on. You enjoy rubbing my rump, don't you?'
"I said, 'Maybe.' I kept on.
" 'That's your bag, is it?'
" 'Maybe.'
"He turned over quick and showed me his erection. His prick was short and stubby, like a pink post. He said, 'I've got fifty dollars that says you'll suck me off and ream my ass with your finger while I do the same to you.'
"I hesitated. I might have done it anyway. The fifty was the clincher. On an aide's salary fifty dollars is a week's income. I told him his money was right.
"He took the money from his wallet in the drawer and I stepped out of my panties. I put the fifty dollars in my bra and hopped onto his bed.
"We got into the sixty-nine position right away.
He didn't show any desire to kiss me ... at least not on the mouth.
"He wanted me on top. My thighs enclosed his head. He wheezed a little and pulled me back and adjusted me to his mouth. I felt his mouth fitting itself to my pussy, and then his tongue licking into my pussy lips, very skilled! He knew just how to do it to me in that position. And at the same time he curled his arm around my hips and slid his hand onto my ass and grooved his middle finger right down into my split-and into my anus.
"That made me squirm my pussy down tighter on his open mouth. And his wild tongue fluttered around in my pussy, around and around on my clitoris.
"And I was busy, too. I was at first staring down at his prick. There was a drop of secretion at the urethra opening. As he got his mouth going on my pussy, I dove my mouth down onto his prick. I filled my mouth with it. It was fun to clamp tight on it and whip my tongue around and around over the head while he did the same to my clitoris.
"I pulled his knees up so I could reach under and poke a finger into his anus, as he wanted. When I skated my fingertip over his hole he writhed under me. His prick got a lot harder in my mouth.
"He slid his tongue into my vagina and tongue-fucked me and finger-fucked my anus. I was itchy and squirmy with the sensations. The pleasure made me finger-fuck him faster and deeper! And suck him even harder. My finger sank into his anus all the way, clear to the second knuckle and even further. He was moaning and gasping for air as he tongued me. His breath was harsh and tickling in my crotch.
"I felt his doughy belly tense under my chest. I was moving my head up and down like a pump, taking his prick way back to my throat. I can do that if the contact is only for a split second, before the gag reflex has a chance to cut in. I was taking it all. His curly pubic hair was tickling my nose during those mouth plunges.
"I was getting that hot bubble in my loins from his licking and fingering of my special zones. I started to quiver ... and so did he!
"We went off almost at the same time. It was glorious to have him thrashing under me and shooting spurt after spurt of semen into my mouth while I was in that special golden haze of urgent sensation. My belly jumped and my legs tightened on his head and I gasped and gurgled around his prick.
"He moaned and sucked air under my crotch. But his wild, skilled tongue lapped on my clitoris till I thought I'd explode! And we both reamed each other's ass with our fingers. It was good! It was very good! We just melted into each other. I left my finger in his anus for a few minutes. Then he made a little push at me and got off him. I went into his bathroom and washed my hands and rinsed my mouth.
"It only took-oh, maybe seven or eight minutes all told, not counting the alcohol rub.
"Donald asked me to buy him a bottle of vodka and bring it in to him the next day. He gave me twenty dollars more to pay for the booze.
"So I did it. It's his life. And my life is mine. We'll each go to hell in our own way, I guess.
"He checked out the day after I brought him his bottle-and went on another nonstop toot, I guess.
"I was lucky I didn't get myself fired because of him. The head nurse asked me about how he got that bottle. But Donald had had a lot of visitors and I acted very innocent....
"I have a boyfriend besides my doctor who ass-fucks me at work. George pays off the charge nurse each time. She pretends she doesn't notice I'm gone for half an hour or so each time he comes in to 'see about his patients' late at night.
"But my boyfriend is Frank L--. He's a plumber. Boy, does he plumb me! We met when he was called in when the convalescent home's hot water heater blew and flooded the kitchen.
"It was my ESP at work again. He noticed me immediately when he and his partner came in. It was like I was a magnet the way his eyes found me and we looked at each other.
"It was a long job for them, an emergency that took most of the night. I went in to watch them work when I could. I made them coffee. There aren't any cooks on duty at night. They come in at five A.M.
"Frank kept looking at me! And I kept trying to be near him, and I waggled my tail at him, too.
"When they were finished, he talked to me for a minute. He has hot eyes. His look, up close, made me feel chills up and down my spine. We made a date.
"He took me to lunch the next day, because our work schedules were so different. We talked deep with our eyes and hinted at things and grinned at each other and made a date for my nearest day off.
"Well, to make a long story short, we ended up, after a restaurant supper, in my apartment. And we got down to business right away.
"Frank reached for me and I went right into his arms. He pulled me over on top on him. We were lying on the sofa.
"I felt a long prick, like a hard snake, against my belly. I was wearing hot pants and he wasn't wearing any underwear! I could feel his prick very distinctly.
"He said, 'You've got bedroom eyes.' He put his hands on my back and slowly moved them down onto my ass. He fondled my cheeks through my corduroy hot pants.
"I squirmed on him. I said, 'I like what you're doing, very much.'
"He said, 'I'm an ass man. Very-few girls respond to that kind of loving.' He was asking-testing-hoping.
"I said, 'That makes me special, I guess. Because I love that kind of loving.' I kissed him on the lips.
"Frank's arms tightened around me. He didn't use his tongue. He isn't that kind, not very oral. But, oh, is he anal!
"He said, very husky and turned on, 'Stand up for a minute.'
"I did. He sat up and I got an idea from the bulge in his pants how he was hung. Wow! Frank was excited. He pulled me closer. His hands were on my hips. He looked up at me and his eyes had an anguished kind of expression, with hope. He said, 'You really mean it?'
"I nodded. I said boldly, 'Fuck me in the ass and find out, why don't you?'
"He almost wriggled with happiness. He shivered. 'I will, by God, I will!' He started to fumble with my hot pants.
"I helped him. In a minute I was naked and helping him with his clothes. Ummm, when his pants went down and I got my first look at his long, thin prick ... I got wetter than ever.
"I got down on my knees and handled it, right in front of my face. I moved the skin back and forth and kissed the head.
"It was like a long, pink bone, slightly curved, and it throbbed strongly in my hand. I guess I am a little oral, too. I couldn't resist taking the head into my mouth and sucking it. In fact, I closed my eyes and started to slide it far into my mouth. It wasn't too thick.
"Frank was embarrassed by my doing that, though. He stopped me. He said, 'I like that, but I want to fuck you, you know where!'
"I nodded. We went to the bed after he got all undressed. Frank is muscular, with thick hairy legs and a big hairy chest and strong arms from pulling and hauling on pipes and wrenches all day. His hair is thinning out, though. But I love the power in him, and his lovely, long, thin prick. There's no discomfort at all in taking it. It's a delight, because his glans isn't blunt or fat-it's tapering, a narrow pink arrow with a perfect, rounded tip.
"He arranged me the way he liked it best-me on my hands and knees, not necessarily with my head and shoulders low to make my ass stick up and out, though I like to sink down in front like that-it gives me a crazy feeling of being an animal, sometimes.
"Frank doesn't believe in a lot of preliminaries. That first time he slipped his finger down into my split and felt my anus and gently poked his finger into me.
"Frank-likes to get to the fucking right away, but contrary to what you might think, seeing his build and muscles, he's very gentle and tender as a lover. He's in no hurry at all once he gets in. And that's what I love-savoring the sensations during a slow, delicious ass-fuck. So does Frank. He's never in a big hurry to pump away and get that orgasm. The doing is as enjoyable as the getting.
"Anyway, he put a lot of spit in on my anus and some on his prick, and just-eased it into me. There was no pain at all. A little friction and rubbing for lack of lubrication, but it got better as he slowly fucked me. His shaft got wet and slick from my inner wetness.
"Oh, wow, can he get into me! It's deceptive, because he isn't thick. He reached way up into my colon-on into the large intestine.... I felt a weird presence there, in my guts. I loved it. My heart was pounding.
"Frank was breathing fast and deep, even though he was sliding his prick in and out of my ass so slow it was excruciatingly sensual. The lining of my rectum tingled and glowed.
"I put my finger into my pussy and touched my clitoris. An almost electric shock of pleasure surged through me. I gasped. My rectum spasmed on his glans at just the right instant.
"Frank sobbed with lust and arousal and delight. He whispered, 'Jesus, Peggy, you're the greatest I've ever had!'
"And I panted, 'And you're the greatest I've ever had!'
"He held my hips with both hands and, gradually, slid his prick in and out faster and faster. The faster he fucked the more I felt, all up and down my spine, in my guts-in my ass!
"I was shivering and squirming like crazy. I was slithering my finger over my clitoris and coming every minute!
"I tried to time my last come with his. He was running that prick into me like a piston. My ass was so warm and melty! He got so far up into my guts, it took my breath away! I was dizzy.
"Then Frank went off-and he grunted and couched and sort of roared! God, he loved it. I could feel his prick swell up and jump as he shot his semen into my rectum and intestine.
"I went off with him, with my face pressed down into the bedspread, my whole body shaking, my finger racing over my clitoris....
"But Frank is good for only once or twice a night per visit, and he visits only once or twice a week.
"I make do with my dildo and George. I enjoy myself shamelessly. I'm not going to change my sex life for anyone. Anybody who's shocked at what I do and how I do it is a prig. A stupid prig, at that!"
It is apparent from the subject's narrative that her anal-retentive character is so strong as to reject any offer of change. Her sexuality is bordering on the area of perversion, if it is not within that area already. And it is, of course, her rejection of genital-genital sexual activity in favor of anal intercourse exclusively that characterizes her as a pervert, or near-pervert, psychologically speaking. Prognosis is indefinite, but it is leaning toward pessimism, as far as Peggy's ability or willingness to broaden her base of sexual activity is concerned.
CHAPTER THREE
Sweet Sister of Mercy
"I barely noticed the handsome young man who hired me to take care of his wife. I was too busy feeling terrible for the tiny woman who, as a result of an automobile accident caused by a drunk, was confined to her bed, unable to do much more than breathe.
"A friend of mine once told me nursing was the worst profession in the world for me, because I was a bleeding heart type. She was probably right-being a softie was no help. Professionally or privately. No help at all.
"All I had to do was look at my life. At thirty-two had known two husbands, more lovers than I cared to count, and I'd not yet known anyone who hadn't found some way to take advantage of me. Oh, I don't mean that quite the way it sounds ... no one's victimized unless they want to be, but I swear I wasn't consciously looking to be a loser. Somehow, though, I always ended up getting the short end. A lot of that had to do with my being the world's softest touch. I'd become involved with some man, let him give me a sad story, and there it was again. When I look back at the things I let old boyfriends and husbands get away with.... Ron, my first husband, used to knock me around like a yo-yo every so often. I'd be all set to move out on him each time, then he'd give me some stupid story about being sorry, needing me, even swearing he'd never hurt me again, and I'd end up forgiving him. Asking him back, even, once he'd gone through a big 'you're too good for me' bit. Then, of course, he'd work me over against the next time the mood struck him. Well, if I had to be such a pushover, I always thought it was for the best I buried myself in nursing. At least someone who deserved it would get a little mothering for a change.
"I was more than ready to get on with the mothering as I looked down at the poor young woman who was my new patient. I was looking at the pale, pretty face, lost in thoughts of unfairness and professional concern, when the husband, Kurt, came up behind me. Together we watched the steady breathing and the immobile features.
'She'll be just fine, Mr. G-, ' I whispered comfortingly.
" 'I know. The doctor said it was just a matter of time. She's a lot better already. I'm really glad you're here, Kathy. I have to go back to work and someone has to stay with Nola. Besides, I need someone to talk to. Come on!'
"His hand was warm on mine as he pulled me toward the other room. I allowed myself to be rushed through the small house, ending up finally in the kitchen.
" 'I'm hungry. In fact I'm starving to death. Have you had dinner yet, Kathy?' He threw himself into a chair and grinned crookedly up at me.
"Unable to resist returning the smile, I admitted I hadn't taken time out for dinner before moving my things into their house an hour after the agency sent me here. I was feeling strangely self-conscious with my new boss. He was good-looking in that certain, arrogant way that had always turned me on-and gotten me in trouble, I might add.
"Then, slowly, Kurt dropped his eyes, deliberately trailing them over my large breasts, trim body, rounded hips, stopping at my crotch, clearly outlined between my plump thighs in the too-tight white pants suit I wore. I'd gained a little weight since leaving Harv, my second husband, and I knew my ripe body was a little too suggestive in the pants suit, but until my first paycheck for this job I had no choice about what I wore. Now I reddened as Kurt frankly stared at my pussy.
" 'Hmmm ... we are talking about dinner, aren't we? Food, food, huh?' he mumbled, studying my crotch as if it were a feast.
"I didn't have to do any mental mathematics to figure out it had been a comparatively long time since I'd had any sex. The instant wetness of my crotch under his steady gaze was proof enough. Having him feast on my hot pussy would be wonderful. For one wild, fantastic moment I considered hooking a long leg over his back. Him seated, myself standing, he was on eye level with my crotch anyway....
"Instead I backed away a step or two. This was a job, Kurt was my patient's husband and my employer, and he had to be kidding, anyway. I was just so hot I was losing sight of my fading sense of humor. I plastered a smile on my face. 'You were saying something about dinner, Mr. G--? '
"Sighing, he tore his eyes back up to my face. 'Knock off the "Mr." bit, okay, honey? My name's Kurt. Now then, why don't you rummage around in the fridge and find us something to eat. I bet you even can cook.'
"I set my mind to showing him he was right. But my mind was far from the mushrooms and other treasures I salvaged from the kitchen. My new boss had managed to turn me on good, in spite of my determination to never mix business with pleasure, my recent resolution to stay away from men and sex until I felt I could handle them, and the fact that Kurt had a sick wife in the other room. There was just something in the air, in his eyes, in the fire in my own body that warned me that I was on the verge of getting a good fucking, no matter what I did to prevent it. My knees were actually shaking as I prepared the salad.
"Dinner was good, and Kurt praised me over and over as we ate. He brought out a bottle of wine and we polished it off. I was unused to all this attention, and I have to admit, it felt nice. Then I remembered my duties and went off to attend to Nola.
"When I returned, Kurt was sitting in the living room, a fresh bottle of wine already started. I knew I should make my excuses and go to bed, but I gave in, as I knew I would, and joined him for another drink. The knowledge of our sexual interest in each other was there. Nothing needed to be said. Still I cast around in my mind for some way to avoid the entire issue.
" 'You know, Kathy, my wife isn't the only one around here in need of nursing. I have this-' Kurt began after a few minutes of small talk. But he never got to finish his sentence. Bert and Jeannie barged in through the kitchen door, a couple Kurt had known for years, apparently. I got up quickly, before they came in. Smiling leadenly, I got through the introductions and excused myself. Kurt had set up a cot in his wife's room for me, and he had moved into the spare room.
"I tried not to make a sound as I prepared for bed. Sleep wouldn't come, though, so I started going over the past six months in my head while the voices of Kurt and his guests droned through the closed bedroom door.
"I married Harv after a miserable affair with an orderly at the hospital where I worked. Nick turned out to be an alcoholic, and after going through all my savings I ended up working like crazy to pay off his old debts so that I could pay off his new ones. Then I got sick, we lost our apartment, and Nick split to live with another woman, another nurse. After all that, Harv looked pretty good. He was a quiet man, with the crude good looks that heated my blood at a glance. From the time I was fifteen I'd known that life simply wasn't bearable without someone who could give me what I needed-a nice, fat cock that could ream out the tension in my always hot cunt. I was an early addict, a sucker for that special combination of looks, voice, and penis that made me go all weak inside. I'd never been inhibited or artificial. When the right man came along, the one who had that magic going for him, I didn't play games. I was more interested in our bodies crushed together under cool sheets than I was in a movie and dinner date.
"Sure, life had never been dull, but just before I met Harvey, while I was going through that bummer with Nick, I started thinking about how nothing had ever turned out quite the way I wanted it to. The men in my life had proved to be weak and clinging out of bed, and I was on the verge of giving them up for a while. But fate wouldn't let me off the hook so easily. Harv got himself smashed up in a motorcycle mishap and, bloody and bruised, popped into my life.
"Men who take command from the start get to me right away. Harv endeared himself to me by talking me into having sex with him right in the hospital! And while he was still too wiped out to be able to move much!
"It was late at night, and Harv was my last stop. My rounds were extensive. It was a very small hospital and we were short of help. I half expected Harv to be asleep by the time I got to him with his night knockout pill. But he was up and grinning.
" 'Ah, here's the sexy sister of mercy! A sweet, sweet sister of mercy! Come to give me a rubdown, I hope. That pavement shooting up at me like that.... I ache all over.'
"I explained that it was time for sleep, that a rubdown would do a lot more harm than good until his injuries were healed somewhat. We talked in whispers, as we were the only ones still awake. That telltale heat was there even then. Harv had that magic and knew it.
" 'I'm too warm, baby. How's about peeling away these covers for me, huh?'
"I pulled off his covers and immediately saw why he wanted them off. His hospital gown was a white tent. His prick was straining against the cloth, an irresistible target for my astonished eyes. Harv reached down and tugged at the gown, lifting it out of the way of his huge erection.
"Instantly I was swimming in my own slick juices. His dick was big and thick, and his oversized balls seemed laden with come. He was nearly hairless, and because of it he seemed unusually naked in the semi-dark hospital room.
" 'See what you did to me, baby? Now be a good little nurse and take care of it for me. Seeing as how I'm kind of useless right now, and this bed is kind of narrow....'He lifted his hips, shoving his cock at me obscenely. 'Suck it,' he commanded in a harsh whisper.
"Although I was astonished, to say the least, I couldn't rip my eyes from that beautiful tool of his. I swallowed nervously, my mouth suddenly dry.
" 'I said suck it, Kathy. Go on, stick it in your mouth. Don't pretend you've never sucked cock before. That mouth of yours was made for cock sucking.'
"Instead of turning me off, his words were exciting me like crazy. He was so sure of himself, and somehow what he said was delivered so matter-of-factly I didn't feel as if he was putting me down for doing to others what he now asked me to do to him. And he was right. I glanced around quickly, even stepping into the hallway for an instant. We were quite alone. Trembling, I got to my knees, reached out for that hard mass of beautiful flesh, and began to kiss the head of his cock. At the touch of his burning sex against my lips I completely flipped out. I began to suck on it like I'd never get enough. Before long I was slipping out of my panties, tugging at my skirt, and reversing myself on the bed next to Harv. His tongue was heaven in my pussy, and I came in about four seconds. But we kept it up until I'd downed two hot loads and spasmed against his twisting tongue more times than I cared to count. It was with shaking fingers that I wrote in my record book that our newest patient appeared to be improving rapidly.
"We were at each other's pants constantly after that, and we moved in together once Harv was released. Sex was amazing between us, and Harv never seemed willing to quit. He was nearly ten years younger than I was, and I marveled at his energy. I was never happier. In fact, our happiness sent us stupidly down to the courthouse to make our fun legal, and that was our biggest mistake. Once Harv was my husband, though, our living on my income seemed more noticeable. He made no effort to find a job, and every time I brought it up he'd ram that wonderful cock of his up my cunt and the subject would be dropped for a while. Then I started coming home from work and finding evidence that Harv had been having company, and the company always turned out to be female. Again, a word of doubt from me would be met by a staggering hard on thrust down my throat or between my legs. He was a superman in the sack. I was hooked on his one talent, though I didn't want to admit it, not even to myself. Sometimes I think I even accused him for the sole reason that I knew it would lead to a pussy-stretching hour of bliss. But all that was leading us to hell, and I knew it.
"We had been married a very short time when money began disappearing. Small amounts at first, then more and more until it was obvious Harv was helping himself without the slightest fear I'd jump him for it. I tried to ignore it at first, but when my car was nearly repossessed because my payment was deftly removed from my purse, I had to say something. This time I got a slap across my face for my accusation!
"Harv almost overplayed his hand, though. He was counting on my being so hooked on his cock that I'd bear his slapping me. What he overlooked was that he'd just fucked me numb the night before, and it wasn't my cunt thinking now. Sated at the moment, I wasn't thinking ahead about being cut off if I didn't take whatever he dished out. Furious, I told him to get out. I threatened him with everything from the police to the FBI. He left. I made up my mind to put Harv out of my mind. He was another loser.
"Unfortunately, things are never that simple. I was in my bed-what had been our bed-one night, possibly a week later, regretting my actions. I was hot, and I had an itch that had to be scratched, and only Harv knew how to scratch it good. Somehow I managed to drift off to sleep, but even my dreams were colored with my desire. Then I heard the familiar sound of a key in a lock. I held very still as Harv let himself in, stripped in the dark, and got into bed with me. I tried to fight him off, but he knew the minute he touched me that my thighs were going to part on their own for him, my tongue would curl around his beautiful shaft at the slightest urging, no matter how much I was hating him out of this bed. And that's the way it was. He plowed my pussy all night long. When he wasn't shoving his meat down my willing throat, that is. And to my disgust, it was better than ever.
"Harv was back to stay. The only difference was that he wouldn't touch me again for a solid week after that night. At first I acted nice to him, just because I was so hungry for sex. But he wouldn't so much as let me touch it. He continued to help himself to my food and money, though, and when I tried to kick him out this time, he beat me until I couldn't get up off the floor. What happened next was the final straw. I could hardly bring myself to think about it as I tossed and turned in Kurt and Nola's house that first night. But I forced myself to go over it.
"I couldn't quite believe that Harv was going to hit me again. So, like an idiot, I kept getting up and yelling at him after every blow. As I said, he stopped beating me only when I could no longer get up. It was what happened after that that sickened me enough about myself to finally give me the incentive to get the hell out of that marriage.
"I was on the living-room floor, crumpled and refusing to cry, when Harv undressed himself and began removing my clothing. I was numb at first, unaware of what he was doing, cringing and waiting for the next attack. But once he had my panties off I began to realize what he was going to do. I was too shocked to stop him. Then, when I tried, it was too late. Harv was much stronger than I was. All my struggling was to no avail as he forced me over to my stomach and kneeled between my legs. I felt the naturally lubricated tip of his cock press between the cheeks of my ass and throb against the unprotected mouth of my puckered, virgin ass-hole. I did everything I could to buck him off me. I pleaded, threatened, then pleaded again, but it was no use. The more I fought the harder his prick seemed to get. Sadistically Harv didn't hurry his act. He simply held me down and let me feel his massive prick against my tiny slit. He wanted me to be totally aware that I was going to get it, and the getting wasn't going to be gentle.
"When I'd nearly run out of pleas and was weary from the struggle, Harv began to move. He pulled back from me until I could feel his stomach muscles tense. Then he plunged his prick into me! I screamed sharply as his fat cock dove past the tight ring at my rectum's entrance, but so many sensations were hitting me at once I hardly knew what it was exactly that I was screaming about. With one lunge he was halfway up my tiny ass-hole, stretching the delicate tissue as far as it would go. I was unprepared for the pain, but my moans seemed only to urge him on even more. He rammed that thick cock of his in and out of my ass-hole, groaning in my ear at the exquisitely tight fit. His arms reached around and his hands were squeezing handfuls of my plump breasts, fondling the nipples. One hand went to my pussy and began fingering it, running a finger in and out of that hole while his prick plowed my smaller opening.
"It felt as if a pair of experienced hot cocks were working me at the same time, filling me, deserting me, filling me again. The other hand on my tits was coaxing pleasure, touching them in a way that was too obviously adoringly to ignore. As wonderful a lover as Harv had always been, he was never more skilled and magical as in that moment when he was bringing me as much pain as he had ever brought me pleasure. Yet his very excitement was amazingly infectious, so much so that even as I flopped around weakly on the floor, having just been given the beating of my life, my breasts being mauled as if by a hungry animal, my cunt finger-fucked and manipulated as if by a madman, and my tender, inexperienced ass-hole being broken in as if by a battering ram ... and this is what hurt me most of all, what I cringed at as I remembered the whole thing ... through it all ... I felt my traitorous body responding, so that as Harv emptied his balls into my ass-hole in an effort to humiliate me utterly, I came....
"It didn't seem possible, thinking back, but there was no point in denying it to myself. Even as I thought I would certainly be split in two any second, I exploded in the most ecstatic orgasm I'd ever had....
"I suddenly wondered why I was bothering to remember now, anyway. Why remember? I'd left Harv, come to this city, gotten this job. By a stroke of my usual rotten luck I'd managed to get an employer who turned me on. Well, I simply wouldn't give in to it, that was all....
"Even as I thought that I had to laugh at myself. I was a slick puddle down there even now. My irrepressible cunt was throbbing even in my chaste nurse's cot....
"The bedroom door silently slid open even as I tossed reslessly and thought thoughts I didn't want to think. It was then I became aware of the silence from the other room. Kurt's guests had obviously gone, and he was probably stealing into the room to check on his sleeping wife. I decided to pretend I was sleeping soundly. There was no point in encouraging anything I wasn't sure I could handle.
"Kurt tiptoed to the bed, leaned down, kissed his wife's cheek, then her lips. Her breathing changed and my trained ear knew she was awake. He whispered something I couldn't hear, and Nola's weak but musical voice whispered an agreeable answer. I'd been taken by her voice earlier, when I'd been hired, and professionally I was pleased to note that it sounded a bit stronger now. Her frail body had been shocked by the accident, but it was only a matter of weeks before she'd be fully recovered and as strong as ever.
"I kind of mentally tuned out of their brief whispered conversation, aware only that whatever it was they discussed, they were in agreement about. I faked sleep so convincingly that I soon dozed off. A minute or an hour later I came awake feeling a warm hand on my nearly naked ass...."
Kathy's sexuality, especially her enjoyment of her anal "rape" by Harv, are but a symptom of her real psychopathological problems, a deep-seated dependency and a masochistic behavioral pattern. Psychologically, these two problems are seen to be interrelated to a high degree.
The concept of a masochistic personality development as a compensation for failure to achieve a satisfactory love relationship is used extensively in adaptational psychodynamics to explain a wide range of psychopathological symptomatology. Thus, masochistic behavior is explained in terms of automatized obedience and submission to old parental threats of punishment before forbidden pleasurable goals could be experienced and achieved. This is self-punishment elicited by guilty fear, administered in advance of obtaining prohibited pleasures. This has been described as "pain dependent" behavior, which can be observed in all forms of disturbed pleasure functioning. This explanation is based on the desire for mastery, experience and pleasure, despite inhibitory fear and guilt. According to adaptational theory, it cannot be attributed to death-seeking instincts, or sadistic or masochistic components of a sexual instinct.
Ideally, the production of what is called "emergency emotions," such as fear, rage, guilty fear, and guilty rage, will lead to the realistic resolution of the threatening situations. In this case, Kathy's problems with her ex-husbands should have led to an immediate resolution of the problems and an avoidance of future problems of this sort.
Where healthy resolution fails, however, as it has with Kathy, there develops an overproduction of some of these emotions, which then presents the person with an additional threatening problem from within with which she must cope.
The overproduction of emergency emotions, termed "emergency dyscontrol," is the simplest form of psychosexual behavioral disorder. Usually the problems are controlled through the unconscious handling of them in dreams. Occasionally, though, dream control is not effective, and surface manifestations appear. This is what has happened in Kathy's case, with the prime surface manifestation being extreme dependence.
Such dependence throughout life, together with an inability to give love or affection of a real nature, is usually accompanied by mental responses of fear and rage, along with eventual gross obedience or gross defiance, with little in-between range of emotional shading. This dependent craving is resented, and the anger is aimed at those upon whom the individual is forced to depend.
A scarcity of sources of pleasure forces the individual to cling to every morsel of pleasure that comes along. Thus, any loss of small pleasure is experienced as a severe blow. However, a favored or routine pursuit may absorb the entire limited capacity for pleasure.
Intellect is used to do the job ordinarily done automatically by pleasurable feeling. Unemotional thought is used to figure out how to live in the emotional world of other people, whose emotions are not shared by the individual. This attempt to imitate other people's pleasurable reactions may create the impression of extreme sexuality in a basically frigid person, or frigidity in a highly sexual person.
This sort of situation can lead the person into a greatly increased craving for magical love. The normal reparative devices may sustain a workable adjustment to the dependency problems, but the desire for magical love miscarries because it defeats adaptation by its very nature. While it provides solace, the person eventually comes to depend upon the idea of a magical love, and the intrusion of reality can cause extreme mental damage.
In Kathy's case, a satisfactory outcome, a resolution of her psychosexual problems, will depend upon both her ability to adapt to her sexual problems and her inner and outer resources. These would include her intellect, educational opportunities, social and financial advancement, employment opportunities, and, most importantly, the establishment of achievable goals directed and aided by a psychosexually stable relationship with a man who can accept her extreme overde-pendence without reacting sadistically.
Failures to adapt to situations such as this tend to develop under the stresses of a life involved in the nursing profession, and as Kathy becomes more and more aware of her failures in sexual and psychological development and adjustment she will be flooded with fear and experience a severe loss of pride. If she is able to find no acceptable way out of her situation, she may decompensate with a regression into acute schizophrenic panic.
"For a moment I was lost in time and space.
Then I remembered about Nola and Kurt. Kurt....
'Kurt!' I whispered, really waking up. Had he gone out of his mind? Had he completely forgotten his ill and sleeping wife in the other bed?
" 'It's okay, honey. Calm down. Just couldn't resist getting in a quick feel. Move over, huh?'
"He made as if to get in bed with me. I wondered if I could still be asleep or something. This guy couldn't be for real. 'Kurt! Nola....'
" 'Worried about Nola, huh?' His whisper was nearly a chuckle. 'If that's what bothering you, let's go into the other room, Kathy, honey.'
"I stared at him in the darkness, wondering if it was Kurt who was out of his mind, or me. 'But we can't! Nola.... I mean....'
"This time he did chuckle. 'Tell you what. Either you come talk to me in my room in-say, five minutes, or we'll have to-talk right here. Five minutes, Kathy. See you.'
"I felt him get up and watched him leave the room. I stared at the ceiling, listened to Kurt's footsteps go down the hall and to Nola's steady breathing, and thought furiously. I was at least honest enough with myself to know that I was itching to go to his bed and get on with it. But this was a whole new ball park, and I wasn't sure of what the game was all about.
"As the minutes passed, though, I thought about Kurt's threat of coming back. Would he really hop into bed with me right in front of his wife? Maybe he would. What if she woke up? She'd be horrified. God knows what it would do to her condition. Silently, I slipped out of bed. No matter what kind of nut her sexy husband might be, right now she was my responsibility. I had to make sure she came to no harm. Whatever happened to me, it was my job to shield her.
"My heart was pounding as I stole down the hallway. What if he was only kidding? What if he laughed when I showed up? I was on the point of returning to my cot when I heard his voice.
" 'Kathy? That you? In here, honey.'
"Taking a deep breath, I stormed into his bedroom. 'Mr. G-, I don't know if this is your idea of a joke, but....'
"He was stretched out on the bed, smoking a cigarette, naked. His cock was enormous, maybe the largest I'd ever seen. And it was very, very hard.
" 'Calm down, honey. Come here and I'll explain it all. Come over here. Don't look that way.' He laughed. T take it back. Keep looking that way. Right at my cock. Come here, baby, before I chase you down Vine Street with this tool of mine. And knock off the "mister" bit. Kurt, remember.' Then, seeing my obvious discomfort, he softened. 'Look, Kathy, I'm really not the great beast or anything. Honest. Nola thinks it's fine, too.'
" "Thinks what's fine, sir?' I asked icily, a little fed up with all the confusion.
"Sighing, Kurt held out a hand. His cock had withered quite a bit, but it was still big. 'Come over here, Kathy. That's a good girl.'
"I let him pull me down on the bed. His arm went around me. It felt surprisingly good.
" 'Look, Kathy, I don't know what you think's going on around here, but I really do like you, did you know that? So does Nola. And she was hoping you liked me, too. She feels lousy that she's out of commission right now. We've always had a great sex life. No hang-ups. But she's been out of it for weeks now, and I've been stuck in this house every minute of it. I didn't mean to push you, honey. I guess I was just a little eager, that's all. Kathy, even though you're a nurse, I wonder if you have any idea what it's like to have your sex life cut off like this, after being so ... active. For a man, I mean.' He laughed, but nicely. 'like, it hurts, you know.'
"His hand stroked my shoulders and back as he talked, and I felt myself relax a little. I didn't say anything.
"Kurt continued to talk, his voice low and soothing. Pretty soon I stopped listening to the words and concentrated on'his hand on my back. There was something wonderfully hypnotic about allowing myself to be held gently and stroked by a totally naked man with half an erection. I made no move to involve myself in what he was saying or in thought of any kind. It had been several weeks since that fateful night with Harv, and in spite of my strong wishes to keep away from men, my hormones were standing end to end by this time. So I let myself be a body thing, a feeling, nonthinking creature.
"Kurt's hands began to work down my back, tightening at my waist, following the curve of my hip, warming my flesh as well as the thin fabric of my gown as it moved. Soon one hand was cupping my ass cheeks, then moving upwards again. I felt more and more in a dream state, relaxed yet a little high and hot. When his hands moved to my breasts I just hunched my shoulders a little so he could feel the full weight of my swollen mounds. I didn't need to turn around to know that his prick was back up to its former super size. But I did turn, and reached for it.
"I was almost content to sit there, playing with Kurt, for the rest of the night. I couldn't seem to get out of the dream state I was in. That is, until Kurt began to rub my pussy.
"First he rubbed it over the gown; then, with an impatient shrug, he was reaching under the gown. His fingers played with the reddish down, then felt between the folds of flesh for my small oiled clitoris, rolling the hard little jewel between callused fingers. That did it for me. I was moaning like an animal in heat, and I had no choice but to open my legs wide and let him do what he wished. One hand was still feeling my tits and that felt good too. 'God, that feels so wonderful, Kurt,' I moaned as his fingers continued to roll and tease my erect little flesh marble. 'Now stick your finger in my hole, please....'
"Once it starts for me, that wonderful, impossible first buildup, it's useless to try to stop. I found that out a long time ago, in high school. Even then, once a boy managed to get me to the finger-fucking stage, that was it. I was his. He could fuck me all night long if he wanted. Once I get a finger in my pussy I just open wide and take whatever comes my way. Once I was even 'raped' that way-two boys who knew about my weakness grabbed me, dragged me into the bushes, held me down and started playing with my naked pussy. Before long I was letting them fuck me. I even sucked one of them off, my first experience in cock-sucking.
"This was no exception. I was getting fingered good, and I was loving it. I repeated my desire to have him slip a finger into my vagina,-but I was unprepared for what he actually did. Keeping one finger on my clitoris, Kurt deftly shot a finger up my ass-hole. Before I could protest he began to pump it in and out fast, meanwhile rubbing my clit harder than ever. I was spread-eagled, half on his lap, half on the bed. My nipples were burning little pebbles, my clitoris was being worked over, my tender ass was being speared, and there was nothing I could do but come. I groaned as I spasmed, and I tugged frantically on the fat shaft in my palm.
"Kurt laughed low in his throat, delighted that his unexpected move sent me into convulsions. Then he lifted and placed me on the bed. I threw open my legs as he mounted me, resigned completely to getting fucked.
" 'Want it, Kathy? Want my cock in that beautiful little hole of yours? Then put it in, baby.'
"Groaning, I reached down and grabbed his prick. I rolled under him until it was lined up with my hole. Then I clamped my heels into his ass cheeks and waited.
"Kurt moved smoothly, introducing just the head to my aching hole. I cried out softly as the wonderful tool penetrated me, and my cry deepened as the cock slid further into me. Halfway in, Kurt rested. Then, when I thought I couldn't stand it any longer, he began to move again, fucking me now in slow, smooth strokes.
"My fingernails bit into his shoulder blades as I came again, and I was so hot the slick cream glazed the insides of my thighs. I had no trouble taking his big cock. I ground my soft outer lips hard against the hairy base of Kurt's belly, feeling his dick fill me so that I swore I could feel him all the way up my belly.
" 'Oh, Kathy, honey ... .Your cunt is squeezing the come out of my dick.... Yes, keep doing that! Lift your legs, baby. I'm going to pump you full of come...."
"I raised my legs until they were touching his shoulders. It was fantastic. He was all the way in me now, further in me than anyone had ever been. Kurt started nipping and licking at my ears. Then his mouth went to mine, and we were joined in a deep, long kiss while I reveled in the sensation of being filled to the brim with cock. I knew then what a fool I had been to think I could ever do without this. I needed it. I had to have it. No matter what the price. I wouldn't think of the future or anything, just the feeling of now, of being completely, totally fucked, of being under a pounding cock, the only place I ever really longed to be.
"I was riding his cock, lost in the moment, when Kurt suddenly pulled out of me, grabbed my legs and forced them even further into the air so that I was nearly doubled over. Then he pressed the slick head of his cock against my ass-hole and pushed.
"First I moaned loudly, half in protest, half in delight. The memory of my night with Harv flooded back, and I made an effort to push Kurt away. 'No! Don't! Don't do it to me that way!'
"Immediately he halted his furious assault of my rectum, his prick about an inch inside me. 'What's the matter, Kathy? Does it hurt, baby? I'll go slower. Real slow. I love fucking girls in the ass, honey. It feels so good up there. Let me show you how good it can feel....'
" 'Don't! I-it'll hurt....'I argued uselessly.
His prick was in another inch now, and I was loving it in spite of the pain. But somehow it seemed right to complain, to make sure this wasn't like with Harv.
"Kurt laughed softly. 'Just relax, Kathy. Just feel it in you...." Then he began to feed it to me an inch at a time, slowly withdrawing it partway after every thrust.
" 'Oooh ... that's so wonderful!' I groaned finally, unable to fight it any longer. It hurt, yes, but the pleasure was so much stronger than the pain.... He was slamming into me now, opening me further and further with each stroke, widening the track Harv had started. My heels were hooked on either side of Kurt's shoulders, and my curvy ass was being beaten beautifully by his thrusting loins. 'Oh, yes, fuck me, Kurt.... Keep shoving that big cock up my ass...." I was beyond myself with ecstasy as I built up to a tremendous orgasm. 'Fuck me hard! Go ahead! Give it to me! Fuck me!'
"He moaned as the words poured out of me. 'Christ, honey, I knew you'd be a good fuck! I knew you'd love taking it up the ass! I can always tell!
like Nola....You should see her take it this way!
She loves it as much as you....'
"Any other time the mention of his wife would have been upsetting, but now the erotic image of little Nola with her ass cheeks spread for Kurt's prick was very exciting. I was powerless to move in this position, so I began begging him to let me sit on his magnificent shaft. It was nearly impossible to shift around without disconnecting, but we managed. Finally he was flat on his back and I was sitting right down on his prick. It was all the way up my ass-hole now, and while I moaned from the unavoidable pain, I began, at the same time, to come from the undeniable pleasure.
"Kurt knew I was starting to come, so he played roughly with my tits and fondled my clitoris. I came, all right; I thought I was going to die from the way my body kept convulsing as every inch of me, every cell tightened and relaxed all at once. Thick love juice oiled my thighs, his belly, my ass as I slip up and down that greased pole, pounding out the spasms that threatened to drive me straight out of my mind. Finally, I was calm again, relatively speaking, and I relaxed slightly, the cock still deeply embedded in my ass-hole. I happened to tilt my head and a large mirror over a dresser caught my eye. In it was the image of two people, us, and the cheeks of my ass were fire red, as if I'd just taken a good beating and come back for more. Just looking at us like that got me hot all over again.
"Kurt had all he could take. 'I have to shoot, Kathy. I have to pump a load into that beautiful little ass of yours. Get down on the floor, honey. Quick!'
"I groaned passionately as he slowly withdrew his throbbing cock from my bruised flesh. Once on the floor I allowed myself to get on all fours as he wanted. He got behind me and this time his prick slid right in. I had to steady myself by grabbing the bedstead as he began to fuck me violently. I was working myself up to still another come when Kurt beat me to it. His hot load burned the aching walls of my rectum, but I backed into him in order to take every last drop. We fell asleep like that, on the floor, his shriveled cock curled up against my exhausted ass-hole.
"The next week was tiring but wonderful. At least once a day Kurt would fuck me, usually in the ass-hole. He also would eat me and have me suck him. Once he even got me to lick his ass-hole. I'd never done that to anyone before, but I kind of liked it. I liked everything he did to me.
"But every time I'd see Nola I'd feel terrible. So I went out of my way to give her the best nursing possible. She was improving rapidly. By the end of the week she was eating normally and talking a little, but she still wasn't out of the bed except for trips to the bathroom, and then one of us had to help her walk the few steps.
"The three of us ate together that weekend, a little celebration for her improvement. We even had a drink of two. I'd consulted with the doctor, and he'd assured me that Nola would be fine once she had a good rest. So she had a drink, too, and Kurt kissed each of us several times. I paid no attention to it until he suddenly grabbed me and really kissed me! His tongue was halfway down my throat while his wife calmly watched. I glanced at her nervously when Kurt let me go. Nola was smiling warmly at me. Then he kissed his wife the same way.
"Her voice was soft and musical as she turned to me after the kiss. 'Can I fuck yet, Kathy?'
"It was a good thing I wasn't holding anything. My mouth must have dropped a mile. 'You shouldn't get ... get overly excited yet, you know,' I answered weakly.
" "That's too bad,' she shot back quietly. 'I really am getting horny. Well, that means you'll get all the fun again tonight, sweet Kathy. Can I at least watch?'
"I was never at so much of a loss for words in my life before! But Kurt answered for me.
" "That might be too exciting.' He grinned. 'But let's risk it. I've waited long enough to get the two of you together.' He reached out and rubbed my butt over my skirt. 'Give Nola a kiss, honey. Show her you like her, too.'
"I think I obeyed only because I hadn't the foggiest idea of what else to do. I meant to plant a sisterly kiss on Nola's soft cheek, but the girl turned her pretty face and our lips met. She hadn't the strength to do very much then, but her pointed little tongue darted out and met mine in a loving caress. I was surprised. Possibly at not being turned off by the kiss.
"Immediately Kurt began to undress me. I was still as he pulled off my panties, finally. Then he got out of his things, and I was instantly excited by his big cock, even with his wife right there! But I needn't have worried-she was as eager as we were. Her eyes were hot on me as she reached out and squeezed her husband's prick.
" 'Let me get her ready for you, darling. Can I do that?'
" 'I don't see why not,' Kurt answered. He motioned me over to the bed, then had me turn so my back was to Nola. 'Suck my cock, Kathy. Go ahead. No, don't get to your knees. Bend over. We'll both get ready at the same time that way---'
"I did as I was told, bending from the waist and sucking the huge dick into my greedy mouth. I'd just managed to suck about half of it when I felt cool, fragile fingers prying apart the soft cheeks of my ass. Then I felt the satin smoothness of Nola's pale face against the inner surface of my butt, and her wet little tongue was instantly darting up my ass-hole! Shock delayed my enjoyment a few seconds, then it was feeling entirely too good to concern myself with 'why's.' I only knew that the lovely Nola was licking my ass-hole like she would never stop, and I was loving every flick of her hot tongue. I sucked Kurt's prick so hard he pulled back slightly.
"I have no idea how long that continued, but it was Kurt, not Nola, who finally pulled away.
" 'Fuck her now, darling! Shove your prick into her like you shove it into me! Can you do it over here so that I can lick her while you do it?' Nola's cheeks were pink now, warmed by her excitement.
"Kurt turned me so that I stood over his wife. Then he began to penetrate my well-prepared ass-hole with his swollen shaft. I was moaning and backing into it when Nola worked her face between my cunt lips and began to eat my pussy. She knew what she was doing, too, and went to work on my clitoris right away. When she started sucking on it
I went wild. Kurt had his big cock almost all the way inside me and was starting to fuck in earnest, and Nola was sucking me off so furiously that I couldn't keep back the first explosion.
"After I came a few times Nola was beyond reason. She begged Kurt to give her some cock where she loved it, and I realized that as worked up as she was, it was safer to give it to her than to withhold it. So I had to undergo the shock of parting with the wonderful thing myself.
" 'Why don't you return the favor and get Nola ready, Kathy?' Kurt suggested.
"I was so hot by then I'd have done anything anyone suggested. I waited until Kurt lovingly turned his wife over and lifted her nightie. Then I bent over her small but sexy little ass. I parted the cheeks quickly. The coral ring was darker than the rest of her ass, and it was there I centered my attack. I licked her ass-hole once, then shoved my tongue up there as far as it would go. I thought Nola would come right then. Again I tongue-fucked her. Then Kurt pulled me away. I watched and played with myself as he quickly and efficiently ass-fucked her, bringing both of them to an instantaneous orgasm. Then Nola was so tired we each held her until she was soundly asleep. Then we continued to fuck.
"Nola's recovery was swift after that, and while I was very happy for her, I was sort of dreading the day when I'd be out of a job. But it turned out that I'd wasted time worrying for nothing. Neither Kurt nor Nola wanted me to leave at all! They wanted me to stay on with them for as long as I cared to stay! Who am I to say no to such a deal?
"So for the past year I've been their full-time nurse, taking care of both of them nightly or any time they want me. I nurse them with my mouth, my tongue, my pussy.... And best of all, when they want it, my ass-hole.
"Whenever outsiders ask me how I like my work, if the rewards of nursing are worth it, I have to answer them honestly. I love it. I've learned in the past year that taking care of the needs of others is the surest way to have your own needs taken care of. It's the best job of all...."
Although it appears that Kathy has found a stable situation with Kurt and Nola, we have no doubt that she will soon be leaving it. While her sexual needs are being satisfied, her emotional dependency and masochistic behavioral patterns are not, and soon they will once again get the upper hand.
CHAPTER FOUR
The Reluctant and the Willing
"If only my wife hadn't locked the keys in the car none of this would ever have happened. But she did, and since my office was only a couple blocks away Janice walked over to get my extra set of keys. Miss Phillips, the receptionist was out on her lunch break so Janice came right into the examining room looking for me. Well, I guess she got a surprise, all right.
"There I was with Angela, my office nurse, my tongue halfway up her ass, and she was sucking and slurping on my cock and moaning like there was no tomorrow and she wanted it all right then. Her cunt was pumping up and down on my face, covering me with her juice and I had a finger up her ass and was finger-fucking her and she was crying out with pleasure. My cock slipped out of her mouth and she was on it like a dog on a rabbit, grabbed it with her hand and started jerking me off and licking the tip. My finger was going a mile a minute in her ass-hole, my tongue was lapping at her clitoris and I had the other hand down between us massaging her nipples until they were rigid as my prick.
"Well, neither of us even saw Janice standing there, we were so far into another world. Frankly, I doubt if it would have made any difference if we had seen her. I know I couldn't have stopped even if the building was burning down, and Angela was in something resembling a sexual coma, her eyes closed, moaning as her lips slid up and down, taking the whole shaft of my cock in her mouth. I could feel the tip striking softly, rhythmically against the back of her throat. There was that tingle in my balls that told me I was going to pop any second now. Angela picked up the feeling; she squeezed my balls lightly and began licking my prick like a lollipop, sort of moaning or singing to it, she was so out of her mind. I pulled my finger out of her ass and grabbed both cheeks, spreading them as far as I could. Then I pushed my tongue up her ass-hole, moving it around inside. Her haunches began to quiver against my face and I felt her mouth thrust suddenly, passionately down on my cock. We both came at the same time, clutching at each other and shaking so violently that we almost fell off the examining table. My cock slipped free and I spurted in her face. She didn't mind a bit, just grabbed my joint and held it there lovingly, letting the come splash on her face, running her tongue over the head. My own tongue was jabbing into her ass and down over her wet pussy, tickling at her clit.
" 'Oh, Johnny, Johnny,' she gasped. 'Don't stop eating me, baby. Lick me, Johnny, I'm still coming. Ohhhh!'
"That was when I saw Janice standing there in the doorway. Her mouth gaped open. Her eyes stared at us like she was in some kind of coma herself. Then she just turned around without a word and walked out the door-didn't even bother to close it behind her. I don't have to tell you that Angie and I got off that table pretty fast. It takes a lot to keep Angie down for long, though-that's one of the things I've always liked about her. By the time she'd finished fixing her makeup she was back in good humor again. She was even making jokes about it. Just as she was leaving she ran her hand over the front of my pants and said, 'If you can ever straighten out that square wife of yours, Doctor, we might work this show up into a threesome.' She winked at me and was gone out the door.
"Well, I don't have to tell you what it was like when I got home that night. Janice had all her things packed together and had reservations at a downtown hotel. I remember that every other word she threw at me seemed to be either 'divorce' or 'infidelity.' Cheating! That was the word she used! Can you imagine that? Sounds like something out of the 1890s, doesn't it? I lost my own temper and told her that if I couldn't get it from her, the only thing left was to get it somewhere else. You see, Janice has always been embarrassed to let me fuck her in the ass. It's one of the things I enjoy very much, doing a girl that way. I've done a lot of cornholing in my days, and let me tell you those other girls loved it! Once they got the feel of a stiff prick in their pert little behinds they clamored for more! But Janice won't even try it once. I've tried to explain to her that the ass-hole is just a sexual organ like any other, and capable of giving a great deal of pleasure. But Janice has that strict upbringing of hers to fight. I guess I can't blame her too much. I just wish she'd try a little harder.
"Before this trouble started my life was as normal and uncomplicated as anyone else's. I grew up in a suburb of Los Angeles, had the usual childhood diseases, went to grade school and high school, both within a few blocks of where I lived. I was able to walk home for lunch almost every single day until I was eighteen. After graduation, I went away to college.
"I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I'm an intelligent, liberal-minded person. Try to tell that to my wife, though! She thinks a modern, experimental approach to sex is like being a communist or a drug addict or worse. Well, Janice is the one with problems, not me! I've tried to help her relax and get with the modern world, but she fights me constantly-sticks on that tight, Queen Victoria, 'we-are-not-amused' face and won't hear another word. I wouldn't even be here now if she hadn't threatened to leave me. I know you understand, as one professional man can another.
"Anyway, to make a long story short, I went through high school and college near the top of my classes and got a full scholarship to medical school. That's the only way I could have gone through, since my father was dead and my mother was hard put to keep things going. We didn't have much money, so I had to make up for it with hard work.
"In medical school I specialized in proctology-'the care and study of ass-holes' as we used to say when I was a student. I told that phrase to one of my more intelligent patients once and she changed it to 'stare and cuddling' of ass-holes. Not a great joke, but we both had a good laugh over it nonetheless. And it shows a healthy, liberated attitude, too, if you don't mind my intruding on your field for a moment. Lenore was able to appreciate the real sensuality of getting fucked up the ass-hole. The involvement of entirely different nerve patterns to give you a thrill like you've never had in your life!
"I used to corn-hole her right in my office several times a week-in those glorious days before my wife started losing her car keys-on the floor, the examining table, once she even knelt down naked on my desk and I stuck my cock up her lovely pink little ass-hole while we watched ourselves fuck in a wall mirror. If Miss Phillips had walked in then! Well, I've had some narrow escapes, I can tell you.
"Lenore was a perfect example of how a woman with strict, puritanical upbringing can be reeducated to enjoy the most modern, liberated sexual practices. And she sure did enjoy it! After she met me her beautiful little ass-hole was like a weather vane-a weathercock, if you'll pardon the joketurning itself toward every stiff prick in town. She really went on to make a name for herself in those circles where cornholing is appreciated. She came to me in the beginning with a few minor problems, nervousness, constipation, you know the sort of thing. Mostly her problems were caused by her husband, I suspect. He was a real backward, prudish type-used to turn off the lights and pull up the covers before he'd fuck her. He'd screw her missionary-style, then roll off and go to sleep. A real winner, as you can see! She told me she tried to suck him off once. She practically had to sneak up on him like an Indian under the covers before she got her mouth on his prick. He stopped her, said he had too much respect for her to let her do that. Can you imagine it, in this day and age? Men like that don't realize that a woman appreciates boldness and innovation in sex. Women want their thrills, too!
"Lenore had just turned twenty-five when I met her. She was my first patient of the day, sitting nervously on the couch in my waiting room, hands folded, legs together. Very prim. Very respectable. Very dec ... well, you know all the words our society has at its fingertips. She was quite a lovely woman. What they call an English rose complexion, fresh and pink, as though she'd just been running. It made her look like a blushing teenager. And she had one of the most beautiful sets of breasts I've ever seen anywhere, full and thrusting under a dark tailored suit that complimented her blonde ham One of the things I've always admired is a superb sense of taste in clothing. Well, Lenore could walk down Fifth Avenue or the Champs Elysee and hold her own with any model or high-society girl. You can imagine how I felt the first time I stuck my cock up that proud, aristocratic ass and heard her moan with delight.
"But I'm getting ahead of myself. In the beginning she was just a patient, if an exceptionally beautiful one. I sent her into the examination room with Angela to get undressed. She was quite nervous when I came in to examine her. She clutched the white hospital gown around her nakedness but hadn't thought to take off her high-heeled shoes. Some women will do things like that deliberately to arouse you during the examination. But Lenore, as I was to discover, had a genuine, almost child-like innocence about her. This combination of innocence and sensuality has always been a weakness of mine. Even today I always get a stiff prick just thinking about it.
"I helped her up on the examining table; she still had her shoes on when I guided her feet into the stirrups. Frankly, I was starting to feel a tingle in my cock as I lifted up the gown to expose her.
" 'Just relax now,' I told her. I noticed my voice was a bit tight when I spoke. This won't take very long and it won't hurt a bit.'
"She nodded and stared at me with her large child-like eyes. Her knees were drawn back under the gown, legs spread wide by the stirrups. She actually blushed when I lifted up the gown.
"What a pussy that girl had! The crack was covered with a full growth of fine blonde hair that didn't quite conceal the clitoris. That little love button seemed to be waiting almost expectantly, as though it knew better than either of us what was going to happen! Further down, the pink little ass-hole pouted in a web of delicate light hairs. I confess I damn near forgot myself and went down on her right there.
"My prick was throbbing against the fabric of my pants. I had to press close to the table to keep her from seeing the bulge. I was so excited by that lovely body that I almost forgot to put on my rubber gloves before putting my fingers in her.
" 'Just relax now, just let your legs relax.'
"I slipped a finger inside her at first, then two fingers. She gasped softly and turned her head away. I thought at first she was having pain, then I felt the slippery wetness of her cunt. It opened hotly under my touch. I slipped a third finger inside her. Her eyes closed and suddenly her tongue traced lightly over her lips. A faint spasm of muscle over one eye told me that she was all too aware of the pleasure her body was experiencing. Her mind was trying unsuccessfully to fight down this sudden, dominating pleasure. Now that I think back on it, it was as though fate had taken a hand in showing her, against her own will, what she had missed, what life could be like if she was capable of throwing off the early, false, and foolish morality that had been imposed on her.
"That was when I decided to help fate along.
" 'Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?' My fingers stroked the silky liquid walls of her pussy.
" 'No ... no, it's---' The muscle flicked above her eye.
" 'Now, I'm going to perform one further test just to be sure everything's okay. I'll just slip a finger in behind. It won't hurt at all.' I touched lightly on her ass-hole.
" 'Oh ... I didn't think....' She stopped in embarrassment.
" 'It's perfectly usual. Don't be disturbed.'
"She nodded. The huge, child-like eyes avoided my face.
"My cock was as hard as iron. I slipped a greased finger into her ass.
" 'Nnnnuuuhhhhh! ... Oh ... oh, God!' The cry escaped in spite of her efforts. She closed her eyes.
"Lenore lost the fight right there; her body took over completely. All the muscles of the anal sphincter came into play at once, squeezing eagerly at my finger, pressing and throbbing in a frenzy of ecstasy. At the same time her golden-haired cunt clasped softly, wetly at my other hand.
"I probed deeper in her ass-hole, moving my finger in a gentle rotating motion. I watched as her lips began to quiver. Her beautiful cunt grasped with soft convulsions at my hand.
" "That's not so bad, is it?' I asked in my most professional tone.
"Her eyes were riveted on the ceiling. I'll never forget that helpless look. She had lost control of her body responses completely. I had won. She didn't dare look at me. She didn't have to. I was way ahead of her.
"A sudden soft intake of breath told me that she was coming. Her ass-hole squeezed and nipped at my finger like a small bird, the cunt opened to take my fingers, which it mistook for a spitting cock. Her legs quivered slightly in the stirrups.
"Lenore's eyes were closed now, her face relaxed, all the marks of strain dissipated. Now even her mind and emotions had given in to the feelings which swept her away. And I must say she was absolutely beautiful in her surrender, radiant in the fulfillment of her orgasm.
"In spite of my tremendous desire for this young woman, this lovely, proud girl, I controlled myself. And it wasn't easy, let me tell you! But I'm sure you know, as a fellow professional, how wrong it can be to face a nervous patient with an embarrassing situation. I had already won the first round. She had come to realize, even if unconsciously, the pleasures of an expanded sensuality. There would be plenty of time in the future to bring her the rest of the way. And I didn't want to frighten her away. I wanted her to come back; I wanted in a totally consuming way to lick and suck and fuck every inch and opening of her body.
"I waited until her orgasm was finished and then gently removed my fingers and stripped off my rubber gloves. I acted as though nothing unusual had happened, as though every patient went through this kind of experience as a matter of course. But I noted that Lenore looked at me strangely. The earlier nervousness was gone. There was no embarrassment. She stood before me a very cool and self-contained young woman, appraising me with her large eyes. I think she was appraising herself, too, perhaps for the first time honestly, measuring her life in the past against the possibilities of the future. There is no question in my mind that she had come to realize that her lovely little ass-hole was a much neglected source of sexual pleasure. In weeks to come, she would make up for that neglect with a vengeance.
"Well, after Lenore had gone, I was the one who was nervous! Every time I thought about her my cock would jump to half staff and start chafing against my pants. I walked around all morning bent over with one hand in my pocket to keep from giving myself away. Fortunately, Angela had kept my appointment schedule light that day. You can be damn sure that I checked and double-checked to make sure that Lenore had an appointment for the following week.
"To tell you the truth, I didn't know how I was going to hold out that long.
"By lunch time my balls were ready to explode. I told Angela to delay my appointments for an hour and I went home to throw a good fuck at Janice. There's one good thing I'll say about her, she's always available for screwing even if it is difficult to get her to experiment.
"Janice was out sunning herself by the pool when I got home. She had on a really tiny bikini that she wears when she's in the yard, though she wouldn't dream of wearing it in public. And she's got a nice, tight little body, too. A lot of women would be very happy to show off that kind of shape on the beach. Well, she's missing a lot of good stares, that's for sure.
"Anyway, I stripped down quick and went out by the pool, no bathing suit or anything, just a hard on that stuck out like a baseball bat. Janice saw me and burst out laughing. That was a funny thing about her: if I was lucky enough to catch her in a horny or humorous mood she could be quite a good fuck, as long as I didn't ask for anything too far out-especially anything to do with her pink little virginal ass-hole. That was definitely out. But now she came over and looked down at my hard on. She was smiling.
" 'You sure are an outstanding man,' she said. She reached down and ran her fingers lightly along the underside of my shaft. I was so hot I almost spurted in her hand.
" 'Doesn't bother you, does it, lover?' she crooned. 'I sure wouldn't wanna get my Johnny all upset.' She stroked my joint again.
"Janice could really stand my cock on end when she got in the mood. Usually this was when we hadn't fucked for a couple weeks. Then she would suddenly find herself as hot as I was all the time.
"I reached over and put my hand on her crotch. The tips of my fingers grazed a few stray hairs that crept out from under her suit. She didn't stop me, she just smiled and shook her long, dark hair down over her shoulders, egging me on. My hand worked away on her crotch, then slid up to the string that held her suit bottom on. I pulled the string and the bikini panties fell open on one side, exposing the lush growth of dark hair that I loved on Janice. I twined my fingers in the hair and pushed the suit down further. I could feel a beginning dampness at the lips of her cunt.
" 'Johnny, I've got an idea,' Janice whispered.
" 'Not now, baby, let's make it...." I was afraid if I didn't get it into her fast I'd come in her hand or on the front of her suit.
" 'No ... over here,' she answered. She quickly pushed down her suit and took a firm grip on my prick, leading me toward the swimming pool. She climbed halfway down the ladder into the water at the shallow end. Suddenly she put her head forward and slid her lips all the way down my cock to the root. Her tongue lapped at the shaft. This was completely unlike Janice; she must have been really hot to let herself go like that. I was at the edge of spurting into her mouth when she suddenly let go and with a giggle jumped down into the pool.
" 'Come on, Johnny,' she called, 'we'll do it here! I want to do it in the water!'
"I didn't need any second invitation. I just followed my cock and in two seconds I was beside her in the water. She leaned back against the side of the pool, grasping it with her hands, letting her legs and belly float up to the surface. The water rippled gently through that soft black triangle as she spread her legs for me. I was going crazy!
" 'Oh, Johnny, darling,' she murmured.
"I positioned myself between her legs and put my hands under her ass to brace her. I massaged the tight round globes, letting my fingers play in the hair around her cunt. Then I stuck my cock in her.
" 'Johnny!' It was a cry of delight.
"I fucked away as hard as I could. The contrast between the chill of the water and the slippery hotness of her pussy was almost unbearable. She leaned her head back, letting the long hair trail sensuously in the water. Her face shone radiantly in the bright sunshine. I had never seen her so beautiful as she was at that moment getting fucked in the pool. But then I had never seen my wife so passionate, either. It was a new kind of Janice-only a temporary Janice as I was to discover later. But it was a sign of the real passion bottled up in her if I could only break the chains of her upbringing.
"She closed her eyes and groaned and threw her head from side to side as I fucked her. I leaned down and pulled off her top and sucked on her tits, running my tongue over the nipples until they grew stiff. She wrapped her legs tight around my hips and pulled me closer.
" 'Johnny, don't stop,' she whispered over and over.
" 'I'll fuck you, baby, I won't stop.'
"I hammered my prick into her. She sighed and let out contented little grunts at the deep penetration. By now my cock was a glowing hot staff inside her. My legs stiffened suddenly and began to shake. I came so hard that the come backed out of her cunt into the water between us and made our bellies slippery as we pumped against each other. She began to gasp and increased the motion of her pussy against my groin. Her legs tightened and began to quiver. Without thinking, in the passion of my orgasm, I thrust my finger all the way into her ass-hole and fucked her convulsively.
" 'Aaahhhh, Johnny ... Johnny, darling!'
"It hit her like an electric shock. I don't think she even noticed that it was her ass-hole and not her cunt that was giving her such pleasure. If she'd been in her right senses instead of coming all over me, she would have noticed that her body was responding to sex in a way that it never had before in her life. She tightened on my finger-it was like she was trying to jerk me off with her ass-hole. I sucked on her tits some more and let the tension drain out of my body. Janice took the whole load that day in the pool. She took the load both for herself and Lenore. Her body knew what it was all about, but I don't think it ever registered in her head. She had achieved a genuine breakthrough in fucking. She would have been ready for some real cornholing next-and that's what I wanted from my wife-if that goddam puritan childhood hadn't come rushing back into her conscience. But try to tell that to Janice!
"The next day, of course, we were back to normal. Janice was the prim, virginal housewife. You'd never know she'd been corn-holed, with a finger, anyway. And if you'd told her how much she loved it, how she'd cried out for more and pumped her cunt against me-well, knowing Janice, she'd probably have called the cops or the Legion for Decency or something.
"During the next few days I thought constantly about what had happened between Janice and me. We had reached what I thought was a real plateau where she had begun to shed her former inhibitions about sex. I really thought she. was ready to join the modern world. Here we were, married nine years, I was thirty-three, Janice twenty-eight. Now, goddammit, twenty-eight is certainly old enough to know your own mind! We did a lot of screwing in nine years. Janice was a virgin when I married her. Not only was she a virgin, but her family, especially her mother, had spent years turning her against sex. So I took special care to be careful and gentle on our wedding night. Naturally I wanted her to be turned on by sex, not off. I even went so far as to plan a special program for her. Six months of careful, conventional fucking before we got into the more interesting, advanced program. Why the hell am I talking like a doctor, it's my wife I'm talking about! I wanted her to like the same things that I liked! I married her in good faith, I expected to spend the rest of my life with this girl. In every other respect she liked what I liked. In fact, between you and me, there was a lot that I learned from her. Good food, good music, a fantastic taste in clothes. I think I've said before that I appreciate good taste in clothes. All of that I learned from Janice. Yet she never measured up to the thing I cared about most. Obviously I'm talking about sex. She never seemed willing to learn from me.
"I had been into cornholing long before I met Janice, of course. I don't mean any of that queer stuff, that just disgusts me. But I had already fucked a lot of girls in the ass before I got married, and let me tell you they loved it! Most chicks really do, you know. You just have to teach them to relax, to forget all that phony stuff they learned from their parents about being ashamed and afraid to try anything outside of missionary position.
"Janice's parents didn't appreciate my marrying her. Her parents were rich, and here I was, just a scholarship student. A poor intern. She was a child of the social set. Her parents expected better of her than anything so common as falling in love with a medical student. Especially a poor medical student. But she did fall in love with me. And I fell in love with her, too. There's very few other women I would have taken so much care with. I wanted Janice to forget all those inherited superstitions about sex. I wanted her to know what real trusting and giving was all about. My intentions were never anything but the most honorable, no matter what her parents thought.
"I waited over six months before I tried to corn-hole her. The first time I fucked Janice I was proper and considerate, just like a normal, straight husband. I kissed her breasts a few times, then caressed her pussy gently-just tickled the lips with my finger. I stuck my cock in, moved it around a few times until she got the feeling, and then pulled it out. I don't mean to say I didn't come-I sure did! I wouldn't deprive either of us of that on our first night. But I was trying to educate her slowly all along. She wasn't ready for a full married sexual life. I knew how innocent she was, and I didn't want to do anything that might give her a shock. This was my whole life, my whole future lying in bed with me, and I didn't want to risk anything that might give her the wrong impression. So I took real care of her. I wanted Janice to fill all the fantasies that had occupied my years of growing up.
"The only fantasy she fulfilled was the prim little princess who never grew up. The little ice princess. Except for those weird times when she went completely in the other direction. like in the swimming pool that day. Once in a very rare while she escaped from that asexual prison she lived in. And those were beautiful days, I can tell you. The most beautiful days of my married life. But those days were few and far between.
"The first time I corn-holed a girl was in high school. I'd been going with this girl for several months. We were sort of pinned or whatever-in a high-school sense. That means we'd gone to a few movies together and a couple of dances. Her name was Nancy. She was a nice enough girl, but the main reason I was taking her out instead of the cheerleaders is because the cheerleaders were all getting fucked by the football and basketball heroes. To them I was just another student, and a grind at that. But Nancy really liked me, and she was willing to go a long way to make me like her.
"I was seventeen at the time. Nancy was sixteen. One night we were driving home with several other kids from a party. It was pretty crowded in the car and Nancy was sitting on my lap in a corner of the back seat. I can remember how the cleavage of her ass seemed to fit exactly over my cock as she pressed down on me. We were necking pretty heavy. So was everyone else, no one was paying any interest to me and Nancy. I had my hand under her skirt working up the inside of her thigh. My nuts were on fire with the way she was working her ass slowly back and forth in my lap. We were kissing and sucking on each other's tongues, and believe me, that's enough to turn any high-school kid into one big, stiff prick. My hand reached her crotch and I started snaking, I was so hot. Nancy didn't have any panties on! She must have taken them off in the ladies' room, just before we all went out to the car. I pressed my fingers into the hot dampness of her cunt and she started sucking furiously on my tongue. She opened her legs wide so I could get all the way in her. I was finger-fucking her so hard that I didn't even notice that she had managed to get my fly unzipped with one hand. Her skirt covered both of us-not that anyone was bothering to look-and she lifted her ass and slid my cock out of my pants. She settled back down again, fitting my cock firmly into the moist, warm crack of her ass. Then she set up a slow, rhythmic contraction of the muscles, milking me until I was almost crazy. I don't think I've ever had such a powerful orgasm as I did that night. I spurted like a fountain. The come filled her ass and ran down the inside of her legs, covering my pants. I jabbed my prick into the slippery cleavage again and again and felt the head just barely start its entrance into her ass-hole. My hand was covered with her juices. Then Nancy sighed and licked my ear. Her arms were tight around my neck.
" 'Oh, J. J., ' she whispered. 'That was so good. We'll do that anytime you want.'
"And we did. It wasn't such a big step to corn-holing her. After all, we had almost done it that night in the car. Nancy really got to love being fucked in the ass-hole, and I loved doing it. And since this was in the days before The Pill it was the easiest way to avoid those troubles which can ruin a career before it gets started. I sure didn't want to wind up in some stupid high-school marriage. So I fucked Nancy in the ass for almost two years, including when I came home from college on vacation. I've always been grateful to her for introducing me to cornholing."
With John J-we have another case where there is some regression to a childhood stage of psychosexual development. In this case, John has developed a form of anal desire which is, clinically, a fetish.
Fetishism, in this case the identification of a specific nonsexual body part as an object to produce sexual satisfaction, is a late psychosexual development. It often uses an object nonsexual in nature to enhance sexual satisfaction as a translation from an earlier transitory object, such as a bottle, security blanket, favored doll, etc.
The use of a body-part fetish to enhance sexual satisfaction occurs normally in most adolescents, and a developed form of this fetishism can be seen in some men's fixation on female breasts. It is only when such a body-part fetishism becomes the primary choice for sexual satisfaction that the concept of sexual deviation is to be considered. It then represents an immature solution to a sexual identity problem, and should be identified as such.
The fetishist achieves sexual excitement and gratification by substituting some part of the body, such as the rectum, for a total human love object. With regard to the specific fetish chosen, Kinsey felt that there might be a connection between fetishism and sadomasochistic behavior, as evidenced by the aggressive quality of some of the objects which typically arouse sexual excitation.
Apart from such considerations, various authors have described the fetish as representative of the female, as well as the male, genitalia. However, psychoanalytic clinical investigation has shown that, almost without exception, the fetish is symbolic of the penis or penis use. In this case, the fetish involving the anus is symbolic of penis use in the vagina, without actually involving the vagina.
Fetishism is basically a defense against castration anxiety (as are all sexual deviations). Since the fetish is a penis-use symbol, it is logical to assume that fetishism would be demonstrated almost exclusively in males such as John. Obviously, one would not expect a penis-use symbol to reassure a female of her possession of a penis. This hypothesis has been confirmed by the researches of Dr. Kinsey, who reported "only two three cases" of female fetishism among the population studied.
As early as 1927, Sigmund Freud explained fetishistic behavioral deviations in males as the result of an overpowering castration anxiety which originates in early childhood. For the young boy, the absence of a penis in females is a reminder that this could happen to him, and it revives his fear of castration. Consequently, he refuses to accept the fact that women have different genitalia than men. Since a woman must have a penis, she cannot have a vagina. Therefore, the only avenue open to John for sexual intercourse is through the anus.
Confronted with reality at a later stage of his development, John undoubtedly turned away from the developing interest in the vagina and replaced it with his fetish, the female anus, which stands in his mind for a female penis alternate. Sexual excitation and gratification are possible only when he can convince himself of the existence of a female penis, for only this belief can keep his castration anxiety in abeyance.
Epigenetically, the development of fetishism presupposes that John was exposed to the sight of the female genitalia in early childhood, and that the anxiety provoked by this experience was so intense that there was a corresponding need to deny the perception. Thus, the ego was split. On the one hand, there is an awareness of the female genitalia. On the other hand, the knowledge is denied. This split in the ego, however, serves at least one positive function. Belief in the existence of a female penis wards off all incestuous impulses. The fetishist, such as this subject, cannot become completely involved in a satisfactory heterosexual relationship with a woman. Yet, he is unhappy with his sexual way of life as it exists. He is very frequently depressed and moody, and at times he may drink excessively. Nevertheless, he is usually well liked by both men and women, and has many friends. In fact, the fetishist's attitude and reserve often make him appear both attractive and interesting to women. The fetishist is interested in establishing social and sexual contact with women, and his conversation and actions may be very seductive, but he rarely engages in a conventional heterosexual relationship, simply because he does not believe that a woman is capable of engaging in vaginal intercourse. This leaves the rectum as the only "opening" he can logically find for aggressive sexual action. Of course, there is the possibility of oral intercourse, and the fetishist with an anal fetish will engage in great amounts of oral sexual activity. However, in this case the subject also has an established fear of a developing homosexual tendency, which tends to "turn him off' oral sexual activities as a prime sexual gratification method.
"Well, things have sure been happening in the ole town, let me tell you! I really think Janice may be beginning to see the light after all. It could be that her walking into my office that day was the best thing that could have happened. Catching me like that with Angie might have been just what she needed to see our marriage in a more realistic light. Anyway, I have a feeling that these totally unnecessary sessions will be coming to an end pretty soon. There are a lot of backward, inhibited people in the world who need this sort of thing a lot more than I do.
"There's been no more talk of divorce since this past weekend. I really think Janice may be ready to make a determined effort to understand the sexual problems which have divided us. And she couldn't have a more willing teacher!
"Well, let me start from the very beginning. A turnabout in thinking like this shouldn't be passed over quickly or easily. In fact I'm glad to have a chance to talk about it in detail. I want myself to understand exactly what happened to Janice so there won't be any backsliding. Heaven knows I wanted long enough to bring my wife into the modern world. I wouldn't want to lose her now.
"I was trying to dissipate some of the hurt and hostility that had sprung up in Janice since we had separated. I figured that I had been in those sessions long enough so that she might be curious to see the results. I took a chance and called her at her hotel. She was willing to have dinner with me that night at a restaurant near the hotel. But further than that she wouldn't make any promises. That was okay with me, I didn't want to rush things. I wanted to have a chance to let the old familiarities do their work-the jokes and confidences we shared whenever we were together.
"I picked her up at the hotel about six-thirty and we drove to a little Italian restaurant she liked. We had been there many times before and some pretty heavy fucking sessions had followed some of those visits. The romantic atmosphere usually got to Janice. She didn't often drink, so a few glasses of that Italian wine could have quite an effect on her. And on this night in particular she was tense and upset, so it didn't take much to get the first drink into her. By the time we were halfway through dinner she was beginning to giggle a little.
" 'You really did look funny-the two of you on that table.' she said. 'That doesn't mean I'm willing to forgive you. But you really should have seen yourself.'
" 'What was so funny?' I asked.
"She giggled again. 'Well, the position! The way she was laying on top of you and you were so-well, tangled up in each other. How on earth did you ever manage to stay on the table?'
" 'We almost didn't, especially when you came in.'
"She made a sour face. 'Ummnhmmm ... well, that part wasn't so funny. You really hurt me, Johnny.'
"I put my hand over hers. 'I'm sorry, baby,' I said, 'You know I wouldn't do anything to deliberately injure you.' I sipped my wine for a moment and then added, 'I guess my particular desires got the better of me for once.' I didn't say anything about all the other times that Janice knew nothing about. 'I just needed a session of that kind of sex. But I didn't do it to hurt you, baby, believe me.'
"She didn't say anything. But I could see I had reached her. That anti-sexual ice was melting!
" 'We had a good session of cornholing, so I don't feel the need for any more.'
" 'I wish you wouldn't use that word, Johnny.'
" 'Sorry.'
"We ate the rest of our meal in relative silence. But I could see that she was doing some heavy thinking. Once, she smiled at me and blushed suddenly. I had the feeling she might have been testing out in her mind the image of herself on that table with me, instead of Angie. Herself lying on top of me with my tongue halfway up her ass. Herself lapping at my cock while I finger-fucked her ass-hole. Herself down on her knees while my cock plunged in and out of her virginal ass in an ecstasy of cornholing. She was drinking faster now to keep down the nervousness. Something was definitely going on in her head.
" 'She's the one who satisfied you-that bitch-not me. That's what really hurts.' She stumbled a bit on one of the words. Her voice was slightly blurred.
" 'Except for the fact that she favors my-my sexual inclinations, she doesn't mean a thing to me, baby. It's always been you.'
" The bitch!'
" 'It's just physical with her, too.'
"Janice gave me a skeptical look. 'Don't count on it. And even if it is, she can find someone else to be physical with and keep her hands off my man!'
" 'I didn't know I was still your man.' I squeezed her hand.
" 'Hmmmnn ... well, we'll see.'
"After dinner we drove around for a while listening to the music on the radio. Janice had lost her nervousness. She seemed to have settled something in her mind. She hummed softly along with the music. I could see that the wine had loosened her up considerably. She was getting sentimental, maybe even romantic, though I didn't count on the latter. We talked about some of the good times we had had in our marriage. I complimented her on how good she looked that night, and she did, too. Her hair was wrapped around her head in a large braid-sort of Spanish style. She wore a flowered see-through blouse that went well with her slightly olive complexion. Below that, a short skirt and high heels showed off her long legs. I don't know if I told you this before, but Janice studied ballet for several years when she was in school. And those years of training showed up in her beautiful legs. They were long and tapering, beautifully muscled, the kind of legs that were made for a miniskirt. And her ass was something! Full and firm. It was one of the first things I had noticed about her. For years I had ached to bury my cock in that behind.
"Now, as we drove along, I put my hand lightly on her leg. She didn't move it away.
" 'Why don't you come home with me tonight, baby. You've been in that hotel long enough.' " 'I'm not certain.' " 'Not certain about what?' " 'I still have some thinking to do.' " I stroked her leg. 'Two heads are better than one, Jan. I really have the feeling we can straighten things out satisfactorily-tonight' "For a long time she was quiet. Then she said, 'Okay, Johnny. Maybe we can stop back at the hotel for a minute first so I can pick up some things.'
" 'We can pick up your stuff tomorrow, honey. There's everything you need for tonight at home.'
"She nodded. Before we had arrived back home she was holding my hand.
"The first thing I did when we got home was pour Janice a stiff drink. I felt that the last vestiges of her hostility toward me were beginning to dissipate. Now I wanted to work on her inhibitions. After all she was my wife and she did love me. I could use these feelings to help her over the wall that had separated us for so long. All's fair in love and war, and I was ready to go the whole way. I poured myself a drink and sat down next to her on the couch. I rubbed the back of her neck lightly.
" 'You're sure looking good, Jan.'
"She smiled a bit drunkenly. 'You're not looking so bad yourself.'
" 'It's been a long time, hasn't it?' My hand slipped down to her shoulder and rested on her bra strap which was visible through the fabric.
"The more Janice drank, the warmer her response became. Being back in familiar surroundings helped a lot, too. And it didn't hurt a bit that she'd been without fucking for several weeks. She was horny as hell. It wasn't long before I had my hand inside the front of her blouse squeezing at her tits. She leaned against my shoulder and let me do what I wanted with her. The ice was gone. " 'Oh, Johnny, I've wanted you so bad.' " 'Me, too, baby. We'll make up for it tonight.' "She nuzzled my neck.
"In a few minutes she was completely naked and moaning with passion as I sucked her tits and worked my finger against her rigid clitoris. I was concentrating on keeping my own passion under tight control so I could work on her. It wouldn't do any good to pop in my pants before I got Janice where I wanted her. But dammit, I'll tell you it wasn't easy when I saw that magnificent body completely exposed and open to me. After all, I hadn't had any fucking myself for several weeks; I'd been damn careful not to give Janice any more reasons to think about divorce. So I kept my joint packed in ice-speaking figuratively-and went at that delicious little clit like a general marshaling his troops.
"My hand probed the soft tissues until she spread her legs as wide as she could. I dropped down between her knees and buried my face in her hairy muff, working at the clit with my tongue.
" 'Ohhhhh, Johnny....' It was a scarcely audible whisper, almost like a subconscious thought. But it told me all I wanted to know.
"I dropped my trousers and positioned her ass. Then I stuck my throbbing hot cock deep into her pussy. She gasped with the delicious shock and we both had an orgasm at the same moment. She threw herself forward and grabbed my neck, kissing and tonguing me passionately. I held her there with my cock still in her, feeling her hot juices run down the inside of my legs. Neither of us had been depleted in the slightest by our orgasms-it was as if the accumulating desires of these past weeks had only made us stronger. I had never felt so potent, so sexually powerful. My sperm jetted powerfully deep within her cunt, yet my prick stayed rigid. Her legs and arms entwined me hungrily. We were both swept away in an ecstasy that was almost painful.
"It was only the beginning for us that night. We had only to finish fucking in one position before we started fucking in another. Once I found her lying on top of me in a sixty-nine position-exactly in the position she had discovered Angie and me weeks before. Her face was down over my joint, her eyes were closed, and she was sucking me off furiously. I looked up to find that beautiful dancer's ass poised inches above my face. I couldn't resist. I pulled it down on me and ran my tongue gently over the rim of her ass-hole. I licked at it a moment, then slid my tongue deeper into the groove and entered her.
"Her legs relaxed. She gurgled softly over my cock and pushed her ass down on my face. I spread her cheeks and lapped at her ass-hole.
" 'Lover ... don't stop ... it's so good.' Her mouth thrust down on my prick with movements that increased in speed and intensity, and I spurted into her mouth. She moaned and swallowed several times, drinking down my hot come. I reamed her ass-hole, pushing my tongue in until she squirmed with delight.
" 'Johnny,' she whispered, almost afraid to speak the words, 'Johnny, corn-hole me! I want you to corn-hole me! Please, I want to know what it feels like!'
"Well, you can believe it took me about one second to get behind her. She was on her hands and knees on the floor, her ass waiting expectantly for my cock. I licked her ass-hole until it was relaxed and slippery, then spread her cheeks and pushed the head of my joint into her.
" 'Oooooooohh, Johnny! Johhhnnnneeee!'
"I pushed in further until the whole length of my cock was in her ass. Then I started fucking.
" 'Ooohh, corn-hole me, Johnny ... you're cornholing me! You're fucking me in my ass-hole and it's so good! Lover! Lover!'
"Her ass-hole began to quiver with little convulsions. She crawled forward in short little motions of her hands and knees. I followed right behind, fucking at her like a battering ram, thrusting my cock in and out of her ass. We must have crawled over half the room, stuck together like Siamese twins. The whole time Janice was moaning in delight.
" 'I didn't know it was so good, Johnny! I never knew it was this good!'
"By now I was getting a case of shivers that came all the way up from my balls. My legs trembled so that I was afraid I was going to lose my balance and pull out of her; but Janice felt it, she backed up tight against me and ground her ass into my hips. Her ass-hole clamped on my joint, holding me in her. I reached around and chafed her rigid, pointed nipples with one hand, sliding the other down to work on her clitoris some more. The hair of her cunt was sopping wet.
" 'Aaaaahhhhh! Johhhnnneeee!'
" 'Nnuuuhhh! Baby! Ohhh!'
" 'You're coming in my ass-hole! I can feel it, lover! ... You're shooting in me! It's so goooood!' She was throwing her head around wildly, her long hair cascading down her shoulders like some magnificent jungle animal's. One hand reached back between her legs and began to rub her clitoris.
"I pumped away like a madman.
"It was like hitting a brick wall at ninety miles an hour when it happened; the come pumped out of me like out of a fire hose, lubricating her ass so that my cock slid slickly in and out. My brain seemed to explode. I heard myself cry out, and my voice was joined by Janice's. We shuddered and collapsed on the floor, completely spent.
"It was a few minutes before my cock softened and slipped out of her ass. We lay there holding on to each other. Janice took hold of my limp prick and milked the last drops out of me. There was a look of real contentment on her face as she lay there beside me.
" That was wonderful,' she said.
" 'I didn't hurt you, did I?' I asked.
" 'Just for a second at the beginning. I guess it's because I never did that before and I wasn't used to it. But when I relaxed it was just wonderful. Oh, Johnny, I've never had a feeling like that before!'
" 'You'll get used to it. I'll see to that.'
"She nestled her head against me and ran a finger lightly along the inside of my leg. 'Maybe we could do it once more before we go to bed.'
" 'Hey, give me a minute to recover, will you!'
"She laughed. 'You see what you've done to me? You've turned me into an addict. I'll never stop pestering you now.'
"I lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. 'A cornholing addict?' I asked.
"She blushed.
" 'Say it. Say you're a cornholing addict. Tell me how you love to get fucked in the ass.' " 'Johnny-' " 'Say it!'
" 'I ... I'm a ... cornholing addict. I love to get fucked in the ass. I do love it when you fuck me there, Johnny, honest!' She held on to me tightly. 'Oh, what a fool I've been all these years. To make such a big fuss over something that feels so good. How you must hate me!'
"I put my arms around her and kissed her cheek. 'Don't be an idiot. I could never hate you. I just wanted to make you more a part of my life, to show you what it could be like.'
" "That bitch,' she murmured. 'She got the best from you when it could have been me.' She punched me lightly in the side and grinned. 'What else have you been doing to her that I should get some of?'
" 'You'll be getting it all from now on.'
"She got up from the floor and took me by the hand. 'How about some of it right now?' she said coyly. 'Let's go upstairs to the bedroom.'
"So that's how it was that first night. The night of our reconciliation. Sounds kind of good, doesn't it, that word? Reconciliation. And all because I just happened to get up the nerve to make that phone call. And I can tell you it all happened in the nick of time, too. My guts were getting so heavy from lack of use I might not have been able to hold out much longer! That might have ruined everything. Maybe we never would have gotten together again after that.
"Anyway, we went upstairs and I corn-holed her again and then fucked her in the usual way-in the cunt, I mean. Then she fell asleep in my arms. It was really romantic, almost like a honeymoon. The right kind of honeymoon this time. The first step into the modern world.
"Well, that first experience really set her imagination on fire. I suppose it was the same sort of thing that happened to me when Nancy introduced me to cornholing. Janice couldn't get enough of it, and the more I fucked her there the more sensitive and responsive her ass-hole became. After the first couple days I only had to pat her on the ass and she'd quiver like a pointer waiting for the bird. And I gave her the full helping of my little bird, too! She invented a whole galaxy of cute little tricks like slipping a finger up my ass while she was sucking me off-the first time she did that I came so hard she almost choked-or holding an ice cube against my ass-hole while she sucked me. You can't believe what a sensation that is. I guess you could say that she's turning me on to a few addictions of my own.
"But the biggest surprise she saved for last night. A little going-away present before wrapping up these sessions. Or maybe she just wanted me to have something really interesting to tell you. Well, it was interesting, all right. It was downright mind-blowing, as the kids say today. And I thought I was the only one who had something to teach!
"I got home after a really hectic day at the office, one of those miserable, problem-filled days that can ruin your disposition for the whole week if you let it. I had warned Janice before I left in the morning that I would be home late for dinner. She's been a doctor's wife for nine years, so she knew what I was talking about. She's seen my foul moods when I get one of those days-and in the old times, before we got into cornholing, she used to be at a loss to know how to handle me. Well, not anymore!. She had a couple of stiff drinks waiting for me at the door and a twinkle in her eye. There was a delicious beef stroganoff, my favorite, simmering in the oven. We sat on the couch for a while, and she rubbed my forehead and neck to help me relax. I could tell there was something going on behind those beautiful green eyes, but she wouldn't give me a hint. Just made me finish my drinks and then set dinner out for me.
" 'You just have your dinner and stay comfortable,' she said all at once. 'I'll be right back.' She went upstairs toward the bedroom.
"When she came back down again she was wearing a silk bathrobe. I couldn't see what was underneath, but I did see that she was wearing sheer nylons with high-heeled spikes. I began to feel that little telltale tingle in my groin and in my cock.
" 'Comfy?' she asked as she sat down next to me with a grin.
"I waited. "What's going on in your little brain?' I asked.
" 'Nothing much. A couple of new ideas for dessert.'
" 'Is that your new dessert cook's outfit?' " 'You like it?'
"I put my hand under her robe. She wasn't wearing anything but a garter belt. "Very much,' I replied. 'I'll make a note to recommend it to every restaurant in the country.'
"She opened the robe, exposing the soft, dark hair of her cunt. 'I thought you'd approve.'
"Well, with that kind of incentive in front of me, it wasn't long before I was stripped down to my socks. I had my hand working the soft ground between her ass-hole and her clitoris, but Janice seemed to be deliberately maneuvering me into a slow buildup, just keeping my cock stiff with a measured supply of licks and nips and kisses. She took a firm grip on my prick with her little hand and jerked me off until I was hard as a bar of iron.
" 'Let me put it in, baby,' I prompted.
" 'In a minute.'
"She jerked me slowly for another minute. " 'Now,' I said.
"She shook her head. Taking my cock in both hands she dropped down on her knees in front of me and began sucking the tip in slow steady movements until I was writhing on the sofa. Just when I was afraid I was going to come, she let go of me and stood up. She let her bathrobe fall to the floor and stood naked in front of me, except for sheer stockings and high-heeled shoes.
" 'Now,' she said. 'I've got a surprise for you.'
"She took hold of my hard on, exactly as she had that day by the swimming pool. I followed with a sense of eager anticipation as she led me up the stairs to the bedroom. I could see that she was enjoying the game as much as I was. She paused dramatically in front of the closed door of our bedroom, letting the suspense build. She grinned at me. Then with her eyes still on me she turned the knob and let the door swing open.
"There, in the middle of the bed, naked as a jaybird, was Angela. She smiled impishly and opened her legs so that I got the whole view.
" 'Hi, Johnny, what's new?' said Angela.
"I heard Janice giggle behind me.
" 'Angie! ... Janice!' I blurted in astonishment. 'What's going on? Angie, what are you doing here?'
" 'Angie and I have been talking for the past few days,' said Janice. 'She got me so curious with some of the interesting things she said, I invited her over. I want to see some of these tricks she knows and I don't.' She tickled the underside of my shaft with a finger. 'I want to make up for the trouble I've caused you. If another woman can show me how to satisfy you, then I want to learn. Please, Johnny.'
"I felt that electric tingle low in my balls. I was so excited by the scene in front of me that I found it difficult to catch my breath. A thousand possibilities invaded my inflamed imagination.
"'Sure, baby,' I said huskily. 'Sure, whatever you want.'
"Janice ran over to the bed and lay down next to Angie. I looked at the two of them lying there with cunts and ass-holes at the ready, and I admit that I was stymied for a moment. I didn't know which one to go at first. like the poets say, I was stuck with an embarrassment of riches. Angie was the one who settled the question. She called me over to the side of the bed and took my cock in her hand. She took up the slow, delicious jerk-off motion that Janice had been doing a few minutes before.
" 'Don't you have any manners, Johnny love?' Angie said in a low, silky voice. 'Don't you know that the wife should get the first serving in her own house?' She steered my throbbing cock toward Janice's mouth. Janice gazed almost hypnotized by the huge member, then parted her lips to receive it. Just as her lips closed over me, Angie slipped a finger into my ass and began a slow, rotating motion. Angie kept up the rhythmic jerking on my cock, her finger probed deeper into my ass-hole, and Janice, eyes closed, sucked voraciously at the tip. I thought I was going to explode.
"A minute later I did explode-in a volcano of come. Janice gurgled and swallowed as my come hit the back of her throat, but she wasn't fast enough. The hot stuff streamed out of her mouth and down her chin. Some of it ran down the nipple of her right breast. Angie leaned over to lick it off, then stayed to suck Janice's nipple, all the time never missing a beat on my cock. I put a hand down to Angie's cunt and rubbed the hot, wet clitoris. There's no other way to explain what happened next-we all just went crazy with excitement.
"We found ourselves in a tangle of bodies on the floor. I had my prick buried in Janice's ass, and the two girls were sixty-nining each other furiously, sucking and lapping each other's cunts. Janice was moaning and working a finger in Angie's ass-hole and sucking at her clit. I was riding Janice like a bronco buster when suddenly I felt Angie's head between my legs, her tongue licking hotly at my balls.
" 'Lover! Cornhole me! Fuck me, please!' Janice's voice came out in a low, passionate mumble, muffled by Angie's hairy pussy. But I got the message loud and clear. I fucked away like a madman.
" 'Nuuuhhh ... uuhhh!' Angie's voice rose in a sudden tremor. Her legs began to quake. Janice responded by burying her face in Angie's cunt and increasing the speed of the finger up her ass. I pulled my cock out and buried my tongue in her trembling pink little ass-hole, reaming her out with a passion. My balls had disappeared in Angie's mouth; she sucked them gently and jerked me off with her hand. We all came at the same time, our voices mingling in a symphony of orgasm. We lay there in rapturous contentment, our hands and lips and tongues exploring each other's sticky bodies.
"We all went in and took a shower together. We soaped and scrubbed each other and it wasn't long before there was a lot of tickling going on. Pretty soon we were ready for something more. We dried off and went back to the bedroom. It was there that the girls had another surprise waiting for me.
"It all started with Janice sucking me up to a full-blooming, throbbing hard on. I was sitting on the bed; she had her face in my groin, her hands and knees braced on the bed. Then, to my amazement, Angie comes up behind her with one of those-what do they call them?-dildoes. You know, one of those big, soft rubber cocks! Angie has it strapped around her waist. She climbs up behind Janice on the bed and starts working the head of this dildo slowly, gently into Janice's cunt. Pretty soon she's fucking her full steam ahead and Janice is shaking her ass all over the place and taking my joint into her mouth down to the belly button. Then, just before I come, everything stops all of a sudden. The girls get up, like they've had everything planned beforehand and the next thing I know I'm kneeling down on the floor and Angie's working my cock with her mouth. But she's not wearing the dildo anymore. I look around and there's Janice strapping the thing on. Janice walks up behind me and smiles. She licks me in the ear and whispers: 'You've fucked me for years, lover. Now I'm going to fuck you!'
"I can't believe what I hear! This is my prim, proper little Janice talking, Miss Philadelphia Main Line, the former honorary Ice Princess! I start to protest.
"But the two girls are giggling like mad and holding me in position, especially Angie, who has an iron grip on my cock with her mouth and I'm not looking to bring her teeth into action. So I finally give in. Janice gets down on her knees behind me and spreads the cheeks of my ass. I've already forgotten what's going on behind me because I'm working over Angie in a sixty-nine, I'm so hot. I've got a finger up her ass and I'm eating her out and she's sucking me off so good I can hardly stand it. I feel Janice pushing that dildo up against my ass-hole.
"What a night we had, I can tell you! We fucked each other in so many ways I can't remember them all. We probably even invented some new positions. I might have to take a notebook along the next time to remember it all. We'll sure be getting together again, the three of us, now that we've found each other. Found each other, that's certainly the right word for it!
"I wonder if I can get Lenore to join our little group---"
While it is almost impossible to make any evaluation as to what will happen in the future to John, it can be predicted with some assurance of accuracy that his abnormal sexual practices will eventually lead him into homosexuality. Since he has convinced himself of his omnipotence as a lover, it is doubtful that his mind will be able to accept the shock when he realizes that he is, or is becoming, a homosexual.
CHAPTER FIVE
A Backhanded Introduction
"You know, these days it's possible to read so much written material on the subject of sex that I'm beginning to think that people are stopping to consider whether it's all necessary or not-I mean whether or not it makes any difference in people's lives.
"I guess what I mean to say is that I think that it does have a purpose, and a damned good one too. Of course, that's because I've always found society to be damned intolerant of people like me who have sexual preferences that are not shared by the majority.
"It sure seems to me that since all this concern with sex in the media, people by and large have started to loosen up a lot. There was a time when you didn't even dare talk about certain sexual things in front of women-like oral sex and anal sex.
"When I was growing up, there wasn't much talk about it, anyway. Back in the fifties, things were pretty quiet on the sexual front. Nobody even admitted to wanting something different than a piece of ass-much less getting it!
"I grew up in New York City. That's not a good place to grow up. Kids have no privacy. It's not like other parts of the country, where teenagers at least had cars in which they and their chicks could drive out into the sticks and be able to ball. In the city, nobody had any room. Everyone lived with their parents, no one had a car, and when I was sixteen years old neither I nor any of the guys I hung around with had ever been laid.
"Well, we changed that around that summer by going down to Coney Island and-fucking some hookers. It was awful-I thought I'd be sure to get VD.
"I tell you, even from that first experience I knew that just fucking wasn't what I wanted. It was okay. It was enough to make me come. But I didn't feel any of the heart-stopping excitement that the other guys described. Not at all. It seemed to me about the same as beating off, at which I'd had lots of experience.
"I didn't say anything to the other guys. Hell, I think I acted even more excited about it than they did on our long ride back home on the subway!
"But it wasn't long after that first fuck that I found what I wanted. And once I tasted it I realized it was my thing!
"like I said, it was. summer and I was sixteen. After the experience down on Coney Island with the hooker, I felt pretty much like the man of the world. I mean, I'd been laid!
"This friend of mine had an uncle who was a hiring boss for one of the longshoremen outfits in Manhattan. He told us that if we wanted to shape up each morning he'd put us to work maybe three days a week.
"That wasn't bad. Three days' work, even at scab wages, was better than we were going to do anywhere else. The drag was having to shape up.
"You see, you had to be there every morning at seven-thirty whether you were hired or not. The boss came out, checked the guys standing there and named the ones who were going to work that day. A very corrupt system.
"Anyway. I'd catch the train in to Manhattan from Brooklyn. A cup of coffee and a donut, and then by seven-thirty I'd be in front of the hall. If I got work, off I'd go.
"On the other days, I wouldn't get hired. That meant that I was up, awake, in Manhattan, and without a damned thing to do. I didn't want to go back to Brooklyn-there was nothing happening there. So I used to hang around the city. Hell, I even went to a few museums to see what they were like.
"It was about three weeks after I got the longshoremen's job that I met Nancy. I was having a cup of coffee in this little coffee shop right there on Christopher Street and Seventh Avenue, which is the IRT exit for the Village.
"She sat next to me at the counter and before ten minutes had gone by I realized that she was a damned good-looking girl. The mirror behind the counter was grimy, but even with that I couldn't help but notice her long blonde hair and soft, regular features.
"She was built, too. Later I saw that she was almost as tall as I was-I'm five nine-with the longest, nicest legs I've ever seen on any girl.
"She had good tits too. A lot of tall girls don't, especially the ones who are sort of slim the way Nancy was. But, boy, did she have 'em! Big and firm and she loved to have them chewed.
"Anyway, we got to talking as we had coffee that morning. I'd already shaped up, and there was no work. So it was only eight o'clock in the morning and I had the whole day ahead of me.
"She was a student nurse and she was also enrolled in some summer courses at NYU. She said that it was her day off.
"I asked her what she was doing up so early if she didn't even have a class that day. She said that she was from Georgia, and she was used to getting up early every day.
"We decided to take a walk. I figured she lived somewhere in the neighborhood. The Village has a lot of NYU students, and she looked like she had the kind of money you'd need to afford a place down there.
"We walked down to Washington Square, and pretty soon the freaks started to gather. Washington Square has a fountain right in the middle and every day during the summer it's sort of a meeting place for all sorts of people: students, kids, perverts, businessmen, you name it. We sat on the stone edge of the fountain and talked about this and that for about two hours.
"She was older than I was, but I really liked her, and I could tell that she liked me. I asked her what she was doing for lunch and she said she had plans. I guess my disappointment was evident in my face, because she laughed and said that her plans included me. She was inviting me to her place for a sandwich and a beer.
"For the first time since I'd met her I realized that with any luck at all I was going to sleep with her. Boy, that sure made me feel good. She was by far the most attractive chick I'd ever talked to and one of the best I'd ever seen! When you're sixteen and a chick like that invites you to her apartment, believe me, you're ready to go.
"She lived in a cute one-bedroom apartment in an old, but nicely kept, building. Her apartment had a bedroom, living room, a kitchen, and a bathroom. I knew it probably went for maybe two hundred fifty dollars a month. I guess her folks had plenty of money.
"She hustled into the kitchen after asking me to turn on the record player. She came back ten minutes later with a little tray containing a bunch of sandwiches and two beers. We both ate a lot, because it had been a long time since breakfast, and that had only consisted of a donut and coffee.
"I lit a cigarette and sat back to finish my beer. She was just finishing up, too, and she reached over and took a cigarette from my pack on the table. 'I feel good,' she said, patting her stomach.
"I did too. I was getting edgy now, wondering how to make the next move. I'd never been in a girl's place before-none of the chicks I knew had a place. They all lived at home. I wondered what my older brother would do in similar circumstances. It didn't help. I had no idea what he'd do.
"Finally, after the silence that followed the meal, I could see that she was getting a little spooked too. 'Anything wrong?' she asked.
" 'Everything's fine,' I said.
" 'You're so quiet. Can I get you anything?'
" 'No, thanks. I guess I'm just tired or something.'
"She sat up on the sofa. 'Oh. Well, that's no problem. Look, I've got some studying to do-only take awhile. Why don't you go into the bedroom and get some sleep-when I'm finished I'll wake you up.'
"Why hot, I thought. I smiled, got up, and walked into the bedroom. Ten minutes later I was asleep, and soon after that she was in bed with me.
" 'Hey!' I said as I woke, her hands busy undoing my pants. But then I saw what was going on and I sank back on the pillow, thanking the luck that had taken the ball and run with it. She'd stopped me from having to wonder about getting her to bed-she'd gotten me to bed!
"This was great! In a few seconds I was nude, my cock thick and hard and pretty big, even for a full-grown man instead of a sixteen-year-old.
"She was sort of giggling, which I thought was strange. All the girls I knew would've been nervous as hell in a situation like that, but I was the only nervous one around.
"She was naked, and I was grooving on her body. That was the first time in my life that I'd been in bed with a naked woman. That whore on Coney Island hadn't even taken off her clothes.
"God, I was really out of it. Slowly I relaxed, sinking back on the bed. She was strumming my cock and it felt real good. I didn't know what was going to happen next, but I knew that she had a plan all worked out, and so far it looked real good to me.
"Everything she did was like nothing else I've ever experienced. I guess it was because it was fresh and new and the situation was perfect. No guilt, no worries. What a way to be!
"I braced my back against the headboard so that I could get a better look at Nancy. She was sprawled out alongside me, her face hidden because her head was resting on my belly, looking toward my cock.
"I slid my hand down her back, rubbing it and feeling the tension relax around her shoulder blades. Then I stroked her ass, running my hand in circles, poking her crack with the flat edge of my fingers.
"She was moving now, rubbing herself against my hand. I was watching, loving the way she moved so sexy, like a little animal conscious only of sexual pleasure happening to her now.
"Then I slid my hand further down and felt the moist softness of her cunt. Her pubic hair was soft and fleecy, thicker than I had imagined, but it felt good.
"She had increased the movement of her hand, and now my cock was really big and already wet with my juices. I felt the tip of her finger as she poked around the tiny hole on top of my cock, letting the juices boil over and then rubbing the wetness down the length of my shaft.
"Her legs opened up and it was much easier now to finger her hot cunt. I teased her with my middle finger, poking it in a little and then taking it out. I realized that she enjoyed other things just as much as a finger in her cunt: she loved me to rub the length of her slit and she liked me to put my hand sideways in her ass crack so that she could rub on it.
"I liked doing that, too. There was something about her ass that turned me on more than any other feature that she had. Sure, she had beautiful tits, and they were a turn-on; same with those long, tan legs. But it was her ass-smooth, rounded, delicious looking, that really wiped me out.
"Then she was leaning forward and I felt the hot touch of her lips against my cock. That, of course, was an entirely new trip for me. Never in my life had I expected her to do that. Where I grew up, cocksucking was reserved for homos and for ugly chicks that had to suck in order to have anyone go out with them. Not chicks like this. Christ, I'd've thought that a good-looking chick like that would've been disgusted to go down on a guy! That's the way you are at that age, I guess. Not too bright and with absolutely no understanding of sexuality.
"By the time I'd thought that out she was really going to town on me. Her mouth was wet and it slid easily over the length of my cock. It was wonderful, but I knew if she kept it up for a few seconds more I'd come in her mouth.
"I wanted to, believe me, but I thought that if I did she'd get pissed and that would be the end of that. Of course, that wouldn't have been the end of anything, but I didn't know that. I reached down and grabbed her by the hair and pulled her tightly clamped mouth off my cock.
" 'Hey,' she said.
" 'It's just that I didn't want to come,' I said weakly. I could tell it pissed her off. But my explanation seemed to do the trick. She smiled and then said, 'You New York boys are sure funny! Of course you were going to come! What in the world did you think the point of that was?'
"She had me there. I smiled and she scooted around, facing me. I could see her cunt now, and my eyes were fastened to it. She said, 'Never seen that before?' Her legs opened and her hands tugged at her lips, revealing a reddish colored hole glistening with juice. 'Taste it,' she said.
"I burrowed my face in there and lapped like a dog. It was so exciting that I felt like I was getting heart palpitations. I was running out of breath, and I was in good shape. She knew how to move, too. She was rubbing her snatch all over my face, grinding her pussy up and down on me and getting off like crazy. Finally, she raised up on her knees, and I turned over onto my back and slid underneath her.
"Now her cunt was directly overhead. I reached up and tugged her down, and she planted her beaver right on the spot and started going crazy all over again.
"There was a difference, however. This time, because of the position, I was also able to run my tongue in her ass-crack every now and then, and that turned me on more than sucking her cunt. It heated her up, too. Pretty soon she'd stopped rubbing back and forth and just sort of leaned forward and let me glue my mouth to her back door.
"Now I knew that I was home at last. It was absolutely the most sexually exciting thing that I could've done at that age, and I knew it. And she was moaning and groaning and really coming like crazy from it. I knew I was going to do even more and so did she, but this was wonderful for openers.
"Then she leaned forward and down and I felt her mouth settle over my cock again, and this time I didn't stop her. I sucked and tongued her ass-hole while she sucked and bit my cock, both of us going out of our minds with it.
"Then I pushed her away. I didn't want it to end there. She sat up and got off, and I turned her around and got behind her, dog-style. She was rolling her ass at me and I knew what she wanted, but I wanted every bit of her that I could get.
"I wedged my cock into her cunt and she settled back on it, moving her ass in tight little circles as I fed my cock to her. She was on her hands and knees, and I reached out and grabbed a handful of her hair. I pulled her head back and controlled her that way, pulling her hair every time I wanted her to stop moving her ass around.
"It felt good, of course, but I wanted to just feel my cock in her cunt with no extras. I wanted to feel the tight clasp of her box, its warmness and the tiny feathery fluttering that traveled up and down the length of my prick.
"The thing was, I was learning that anything that I did with Nancy was enough to get her going. She was one of the most sexually responsive people I've ever met. Whether it was sucking or fucking or cornholing, she was able to get off. And the thing was, she was just as happy to play with herself while I watched, on those occasions when I was too pooped to pop.
"Anyway, I began moving in and out of her, making her hold still all the while. It seemed like I was another person, feeling and thinking only sex, and she was part of me because the sensations were mutual, caused by the two of us. It showed me, I guess, that sex is the best when it can be channeled into an expression like that, of community. But I don't know. We didn't have anything going for us but pure fuck, and that was more than enough.
"She was oozing juices now, and her legs were trembling from her comes. She wanted to get on top of me and slide up and down my pole, but I didn't want that. I preferred to do it my way. I've always been that way about fucking with chicks.
"Finally, I knew that it was not doing anything to her anymore. She'd come too many times now and she was getting irritated by the same strokes.
"I pulled my cock out. It was covered with juice, hot and slick to the touch. I reached underneath her and smeared her goo all over her underside, particularly around her ass-hole. She knew what was happening, and I bet that bitch was grinning.
"I could feel her ass-hole pucker up under my massage. It wanted cock, all right, and it was going to get it. I fingered it softly, not wanting to hurt her but to see if she was ready. Even I knew that an ass-hole was a lot smaller than a cunt and that a full-sized cock might just hurt a little.
"She sucked my finger right up. God, that felt good. Her ass-hole was tight, but it was getting looser by the second. I guess she wanted it so bad she was willing herself to stretch out back there.
"My finger was all the way in, and even though she was loose, it was still really tight. Very warm, too, and her muscles were squeezing it bard and strong.
"I imagined what that would feel like on my cock. I knew that I'd probably come almost immediately once I shoved it in her, and I didn't want that at all. I mean, what's the point of ending it too quickly? All the fun for me is in the trip, not the arrival.
"I remembered one of the guys saying that if you put a rubber on, or some Vaseline, it would slow you down. That sounded like a good idea. I mean, a little Vaseline was not going to hurt and it might make the whole thing more fun for her-take away some of the pain, anyway.
"I asked her if she had some. She said that she did. I waited on the bed while she ran off to get it. Then she smeared my cock with it while I sat on the edge of the bed.
"There was absolutely no question now. She jumped back on the bed, once again on her hands and knees. I entered her slowly to make sure I wasn't doing any damage. I slid in easily, considering the size of the hole.
"It made me a butt-fucker for life. Up till that point, I guess, if I hadn't fucked her ass I might never have fucked anybody's. After all, a lot of chicks just won't do it. My luck was in meeting one who loved it so early in life. It made me a confirmed butt-fucker, all right, and now I can almost spot the chicks who dig it.
"Her hole was tight-and when she squeezed me it almost hurt. The muscles were extremely strong compared to those of her cunt, and I let her work on me while I held perfectly still.
"I could've shoved it in and out, and that was my plan. But once in I realized that the pleasure was hers to give, and she could do that best if I was quiet and she squeezed and milked and rolled on it the way she was doing.
"It was fantastic. It was so much pleasure that I finally forced her to stretch out on her belly so I could lie on her back. It was too much to kneel there, what with trembling knees and a feeling that I was blacking out. Once I was atop her, however, I realized I couldn't get it all the way in as I could when I was kneeling-but enough was in so I didn't give a damn.
"She seemed to like it better that way too. She worked hard, sweating, grunting, and I could feel the tinglings of my come.
"But there was still something missing from all this. I guess I was raised conservatively or something, but I didn't want to come that way.
"I pulled out and turned her over, and she had a surprised look on her face. 'You can't put it back in my cunt,' she said. 'I might get a disease!'
"I smiled at her. 'I don't want to, Nursie,' I said. 'Just hook your legs high around me and I'll get back in.'
"She didn't know if that was a good idea, but she was game for anything. I felt her legs snake almost around my neck and then I reached down between us and wedged my cock back into her ass.
"It was all over. I sank to the hilt, and I heard her breath wheeze out of her as she stiffened under the renewed attack. But it was already over for both of us.
"Her final come was very strong and she lunged up under me, but it was no use because I was all in already. I felt her ass-hole throbbing like a fist clenching around my cock, and the first burst of come from my cock seemed to make her shiver and roll around, but I was so far gone that I can only remember fragments from the end.
"It was a helluva thing.
"We met every day that I was out of work. Hell, after a while I was glad when I didn't get hired, because I couldn't get enough of Nancy. She was the first, and now, talking about it, I think she might've been the best."
One of the most frustrating factors about Jack B-'s case, as far as psychoanalysis of his problems is concerned, is the fact that after several sessions with the subject the psychiatrist was firmly convinced that Jack B-, who was referred to a psychiatric clinic (under some duress) after attempting to anally rape a nurse while the latter was awaiting a bus, was in fact a pathological liar. Although this element of his psychopathology is not glaringly evident within the narrative presented here, a comparison of several of his narratives obtained during psychoanalytic sessions, leaves no doubt that the subject is suffering from some deep inner conflicts.
There is a strong indication that Jack B-is suppressing one "unacceptable" form of behavior and, unconsciously, trying to do this by resorting to another, similarly somewhat "unacceptable" form. The suppressed leaning that the subject appears to have is repressed homosexuality.
Clara S. Thompson, in her book On Women, points out:
. . . From Freud's point of view, unconscious homosexuality is to be found in everyone. It is a part of the original libido endowment. According to him, it may exist in three different forms. There is latent homosexuality, repressed homosexuality, and overt homosexuality. Latent homosexuality apparently exists in everyone, although perhaps the amount varies from one person to another. It is not necessarily pathological. Freud assumes it may either find expression in pathological difficulties or in sublimation.
The problems of the case history subject fall into place once one becomes acquainted with his childhood training. As a youth, being an only child, he was brought up under what might very well be termed severely strict circumstances. He was doted upon, yet, at the same time, he was "protected" from the innumerable "vices" of the world. Among these "vices" was sex. Since his parents had made specific efforts to "protect" him from any scandalous involvement with girls, Jack had to limit his friendship to a small circle of "decent boys."
It was while he was in this clique that the call of adolescence-sexual curiosity and the libidinal drive-became a deafening roar in his subconscious. To answer that call, he and his friends took the most natural route under the circumstances, of appeasing their urges. They began a series of sexual experimentation sessions. Beginning with solitary masturbation, they proceeded to mutual masturbation, then to oral-genital activity, and finally to anal-genital acts.
Jack became attached to one of his friends. The attachment, which was shortly, and rightly, interpreted to be a sexual one by the subject's parents, was abruptly terminated, and the boy was sent to his parish pastor for counseling. This session with the pastor apparently brought Jack out with the conviction that he was not only "a sinner," but was also in danger of becoming "a perverted individual." When his parents died, Jack was taken in by his uncle and aunt, in New York, whose daughter was a nurse and who felt that there was no profession more laudable than the medical.
The subject became attracted to his cousin; however, he did not feel that he dared reveal his feelings for her. With this cross-current of drives and inhibitions, the subject began at first to fantasize having affairs with nurses, then he began to seek out nurses for his sexual gratification. A nurse, to the subject, became the next-best substitute for the "untouchable" cousin whom he really craved.
It is not unlikely that he had actually succeeded in seducing a nurse, or had been seduced by a woman who, by pure chance, was a nurse. It is doubtful, however, that his affairs with nursesall of which were, according to him, anally oriented-were anywhere as numerous as he wants us to believe.
The subject is obviously suffering from conflicts that will not become resolved until he is able to distinguish between fact and imagine, and to shrug off the distorted inhibitions he has about sexuality in general and anal intercourse in particular. His attempted rape of the nurse was nothing more than a subconscious cry for help.
Regarding anal intercourse, Alfred Kinsey and his co-researchers showed almost a quarter of a century ago, in their study Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, that "as many as half or more of the population may find some degree of erotic satisfaction in anal stimulation, but good incidence data are not available." If the case subject begins to accept this basically non-perverse side of anal eroticism, he might become free of the very attraction that specific "forbidden" activity holds for him.
"Nancy, as I mentioned, was a student at NYU. What I didn't know was that she was there only for summer school. She didn't let me know any different until late August. School was already out and she told me that she only had a week more in nursing before she had to go back South.
"I was wiped out. Not only was she the perfect sexual partner, but I had, as sixteen-year-olds do, really fallen for her. She was beautiful, intelligent, older than me. She took me all over New York and let me see it through her eyes, and I realized with her that New York really was a helluva town. Of course, it was on her bread that it was all possible. New York is a great place when you can afford it.
"Anyway, I didn't know what to do with myself after she split. I was back in school, too, but high-school girls really seemed young and stupid and not very attractive after I'd spent the summer balling a big-time college girl, and a nurse at that. A nurse just like-like one imagined.
"But, what the hell, I thought. It was great while it lasted, that was for sure. I didn't begrudge anything-after all, there had been no promises made, and she was free to come and go as she pleased. So was I, for that matter.
"But that didn't help me much. I was pretty torn up over it all, on the physical as well as on the emotional level. We wrote to each other, but that petered out.
"I knew I had to find someone. You can't stop fucking when you're that age-the drives are too strong.
"Sometimes I would think that it might've been better if we hadn't ever started, at least that way I wouldn't know what I was missing.
"That's the way it was with the other guys. They still thought that sex was what they got from that Coney Island whore, but I knew differently, and it really ate at me.
"I was going crazy, unable to study, to read or to enjoy anything. Finally I decided to get a job after school. That way, at least I'd be earning some money while the whole thing wore off and I could get myself together again.
"So I got a job bagging groceries at Bohack's, one of the local supermarkets. From there I went to another store up on Flatbush Avenue because the tips were better. It was a more exclusive store, with imagine labels and fancier prices, but all I cared about were the tips.
"A bag of cheap food and a bag of expensive food weighs about the same and takes about as long to pack. So off I went.
"The people in the new store were better-looking too. In Bohack's we got the usual Brooklyn supermarket crowd, and they're not much to look at. In Sid's, we got the pretentious crowd from Brooklyn Heights-younger and in better shape, they were.
"It was while I was working there that I met my next love. I guess I lucked out.
"We had a special service for small orders. You could phone your order in and the bag boy would deliver it to your apartment.
"Most supermarkets had the same thing in the area, so it was no big deal. But it was reserved for the new guys, because you lost a lot of time taking an order out and the tip was never really that big.
"In other words, you could make more dough bagging and just carrying out to the cars, you see? It was volume in the store, but when you had to take an order on foot, you lost a lot of time. And how much can you expect for carrying a bag of groceries a few blocks?
"Anyway, this order came in and I was handed the damn thing. I got a cart and filled the order, had it checked out by the manager, and tucked the bill in the bag. The address was a few blocks away.
"I got my coat from the stockroom and left my apron on the hook. It was snowing lightly, and that made the walk a little more pleasant than it would've been-especially in the summer. It only took me a few minutes to reach the apartment building.
"The order was for 3-C, so I hiked up two flights and banged on the door. When it opened, and I saw who the order was for, my cock started thrashing around in my pants.
"I'd always noticed this one piece of ass that would come into Sid's, because she never joked around with any of the guys the way the other broads did. She often wore a nurses' uniform and she was good-looking.
" 'Ah,' she said, smiling. 'You're from Sid's.' She felt the pockets of her slacks, but she obviously didn't have any money in them. They fit so tight I could see that there were no bulges whatsoever at the pockets. She frowned. Where the hell did I put my cash?' she said. Then she sort of remembered I was standing there in the hall. I guess I've got a face you can trust, because she invited me in.
"I set the bag down on the dinette in the kitchen and fished out the bill. 'How much is it?' she called from another room.
" 'Ten eighty-four,' I yelled back.
"I could hear her rummaging around in there. She was swearing softly now, and I knew she felt like an idiot. You don't phone an order in unless you check to see that you've got the bread. Most people in those days didn't keep checking accounts, so it was usually a cash business. She came back into the kitchen, a little red-faced.
" 'I'm sorry,' she said, and she meant it. T had that cash all day long, but-what with straightening out the place and all-I can't find it.'
'What I was supposed to do in a situation like that was take the groceries back. If she'd been a fat cat, with a private house or something, I'd of left it-company orders, in order to establish good will.
But never in a small apartment. But I didn't feel like taking it back, and I wanted to score some points with the chick.
" 'Look,' I said. I fished my bread out of my pocket. I had fifteen dollars and some change. 'Let me pay and then the next time you're in the store, you pay me back. That way I won't have to lug this bag all the way back, and you won't have to go through this again later when you find the money. Okay?'
"I was afraid she might take it the wrong way, but she didn't. 'Thanks,' she said, and she meant it. 'It would be a life-saver.' She realized that our relationship had changed slightly now. I was no longer some dog-faced bag boy, but a friend. After all, I'd volunteered to lay some bread out for her-and what more can you ask of a friend?
" 'Look,' she said, 'why don't you sit down for a minute, have a cup of coffee with me?'
"I could hardly suppress the smile. 'I'd really appreciate it,' I answered. 'It's been a hard day.'
"She got the coffee ready and I took off my coat and hung it over the kitchen chair. She served the brew and sat across from me. She was still sort of satisfying a social obligation, I could tell that. I hadn't exactly swept her off her feet.
" What do you do?' I asked.
" 'I work for a hospital. I'm a charge nurse.'
'That sounded impressive as hell to me. I thought immediately that she was older than she looked.
" 'How old are you?' she asked. She could almost read my thoughts.
"I decided to fudge a bit. 'Eighteen,' I said. She swallowed it.
"The conversation bottomed out after that. It looked to me like the chick was regretting getting so friendly with the bag boy.
'"What's your name?' I asked. The bill just said H-, and gave her address.
" 'Judy. What's yours?'
" 'Jack,' I said. I looked at her closely. She seemed to be about twenty-five, about five four, red hair, and one of those shapes that's all curves and almost plump, but still young and pert and really nice.
"She caught my eyes. 'Do you often stare at women that way?' she asked.
"I stammered, and then said, T didn't realize I was staring. It's that you're a very pretty lady, and I guess I forgot myself.'
"Again, I lucked out. It was what she wanted to hear. 'You're a nice-looking boy yourself,' she said. When she said that I caught a look in her eyes that I hadn't seen since Nancy left. And I thought I knew what that look meant. It was sort of a softening of the eyes, and with Nancy it always meant she was ready for anything. Please, God, I thought, let it be so.
"But how could I advance? I was still too timid at that age to just blurt out a proposition, and yet I knew that the chances of filling another order for her were slim. They go to the first guy who walks by the manager's office.
"She knew what was going on, and she knew I needed help. She took pity, bless her soul. 'like to see the rest of the apartment?' she asked, smiling.
"I was out of my chair immediately. 'Sure would,' I sang out, grinning from ear to ear. What could be more obvious than a teen-ager thinking he's about to get laid?
"I followed her through the living room, which was pretty hip for those days: travel posters, candles all over the place. Next was the bedroom. I wanted to stay there awhile. I noticed a big mirror across the room from the bed.
" 'I've never seen such a large mirror,' I said, and it was the truth. It covered the wall from side to side, reflecting the whole room back at you while you looked into it.
" 'I love mirrors,' she said. 'I found that one for sale in a shop on Third Avenue-you know, where all the interior decorators go. A lot of those shops won't even sell to the public, but I've got a friend in one and he knew how crazy I am for mirrors, so he made a special deal with me.'
"I wanted to talk more. 'But it's so big. Is that what you like about it?'
"She smiled. 'I like a lot of big things, Jack. Mirrors are one of them, and that's the biggest one that'll fit into this room.'
"She was right about that. I was looking at her face in the mirror and it was sort of changing, like Nancy's used to do-sort of getting tense. I knew she wanted it.
" 'It also helps me when I do my exercises,' she said. That sounded like a good conversational lead to follow.
"'Exercises?' I looked her up and down. 'You don't look like you need any exercise. You're per feet.'
" 'Sure,' she said, smiling. 'But I put weight on easily, so exercise is a way of life for me.'
" 'Show me,' I said, smiling.
"She positioned herself in the center of the room and began going through her exercises. They were fun to watch, what with her twisting and turning and pulling those slacks tight across her ass. Her blouse was opened at the neck and I got glimpses of soft white meat in there.
" 'That's a lot of work,' I said. I walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. She didn't seem to notice. I guess she hadn't done her exercises for the day, because she ran through them all.
" 'Whew!' she said, walking over to the bed and sitting down heavily alongside me. That does take a lot of energy.'
"It was, as they say, now or never. I turned to her, took her in my arms, and kissed her mouth. She responded eagerly, and all my tension left like a bird set free from its cage. I rolled back on the bed, pulling her with me.
"In seconds we had stripped down, and she was lovely. Totally different from Nancy, but perfectly built for the kind of body that she had.
"We were both so hot that for a moment neither of us knew what to do. like a lot of good-looking women, Judy wasn't getting her share, and it showed. She was hot as hell, her woman smell already filling the room as we stood there facing each other.
" 'Look,' I said. 'Just tell me what you want.'
"She frowned. 'That's the first wrong thing you've said since you got here.'
"I didn't understand. But I realized that if I wasn't careful I was going to talk myself out of a golden deal. Instead, I fell to my knees and buried my mouth between her legs. She gasped, but her legs opened up and I was tonguing her cunt for all I was worth.
" 'Yes,' she said, softly. I tongued and licked and then quickly spun her around. I opened her buttocks with my hands and quickly lapped at her ass-hole with my tongue. She gasped again, but her hips were in motion and I knew she wanted more.
"I felt the bed behind me and I wanted to get up on it but I wanted to make sure she was hot and was going to stay hot. I licked and sucked until I could feel the familiar tremblings of her legs and then I sucked toward the front, chewing on her labia as she moaned and strummed her clit in front with her hand. She wanted to come and come until she forgot everything-except the mirror. I'd forgotten all about it, but when I glanced out of the corner of my eye to my right I saw that she was looking at us, getting off from watching the whole scene in the mirror.
"It was turning me on, too. I dug watching myself, though most of the action was hidden because of our position. I stood up and sat her down on the bed and then stood in front of her. This way I could see it all.
"She leaned forward and sucked my prick into her mouth, the saliva running down the corners of her mouth. Now, this is really something to watch in a mirror. I could see us in profile, my cock running right into her mouth, my hand holding her thick red hair back so's not to block the view.
"But the funny thing was, all of it was nothing compared to what I knew I was going to at least try to do. It was like going through the motions because I thought it would please Judy. I had no interest in sucking her, or even having her suck me.
"All I wanted to do was run my cock up her ass. That was all. And it was thinking about that trip that had gotten me hard and kept me hard.
"I honestly didn't know if I'd be able to fuck her if she said no to a corn-hole. I figured my pecker might just die, even though I would be pretty satisfied with a good fuck if that's all I could get.
"Nancy had really opened my eyes for me.
"I was still watching us in the mirror, but the novelty was wearing pretty thin. You can only watch yourself for so long and then it gets to be a drag, like stag movies do after a while.
"What the hell, I thought. I might as well make my move and get it over with. I stood her up, turned her around and made her kneel on the bed. 'Got any Vaseline?' I asked.
"She looked at me over her shoulder. "You're not that big,' she said, smiling.
" 'For what I've got in mind I am,' I answered, smiling back. Her smile faded. 'Now wait a minute,' she said. She started to get up.
" 'Oh, hold it,' I said. 'It's really good. Believe me. What the hell, if you don't like it we can stop.'
"That softened her up a bit. 'Well,' she said. 'A girl friend of mine told me that hurt like hell!'
" 'Ahh, she didn't know what she was doing-or the guy didn't, because it's really great!'
"She got the Vaseline-actually, it was K-Y jelly, I think-and I smeared my cock and her ass-hole with it. She was kneeling again, but I knew she was worried. 'Don't sweat it,' I said. 'We can always stop.'
"I positioned myself behind her and held her by the hips. I didn't want to fuck up, because I wasn't going to rape her ass-hole, so if she said stop, I would. But I didn't want to, I can tell you that.
"I placed the head of my cock right against her ass-hole. Just a little pressure, not enough to pop it in, but enough to let her know it was there.
" . 'How's that feel?' I asked. Of course, I knew it didn't hurt-it couldn't. I wasn't doing anything except rubbing her ass-hole with the head of my pecker, and that feels good to any chick.
" 'No pain. But you're not in, are you?'
" 'Not until you want me in, honey.' I continued rubbing her gently and I felt her relaxing, and sure enough the tight pucker that had been her ass-hole showed signs of loosening up.
"I pressed forward a little more and then I was in. Not much, maybe an inch, but I was in. She was stretched out now and it couldn't have felt any worse than taking a good shit. You'd be surprised how many people like that feeling, by the way.
"Anyway, once she realized that it wasn't going to tear her apart, she started getting into it. Within a few minutes I had half my cock in her, and a few moments later I was in to the hilt.
"Now she was really going on it, feeling satisfied that she'd taken a good-sized cock up the ass. I think that turns chicks on-the feeling that they can handle anything a man can throw at them in the way of meat.
"I stood behind her and watched her hips buck and her pelvis spin as she ground herself up and down on my cock. We were both able to view the scene in the mirror and I knew she was digging it from the look on her face.
"I closed my eyes for a few seconds, letting the pure pleasure of it wash over me. I wanted to stay there forever with my cock up her ass and my reflection in the mirror and her body working and her grunting.
"But just when we were both getting into it, the damned doorbell rang. I froze, and so did she. 'Who is it?' I whispered.
"She swallowed hard. 'My husband,' she said.
'"Your husband!! ? '
"We were untangled now and I was setting a world's record for the indoor dressing event. She was explaining as she dressed just as quickly. 'We're separated, of course. And I forgot that he was coming over today-he's still got some of his things here. But I can't let him see you because if he tells his lawyer---Hell, I don't know!' she said.
"I had her bedroom window open by now and was already stepping out onto the fire escape. He wasn't going to get a glimpse of me.
" 'Look,' I said. 'When will you be home again . . .alone?'
" 'Saturday,' she said, but the way she was looking toward the door, which was still sounding off, I knew she didn't have sex on her mind-not now, anyway. 'See you then,' I said, and down the fire escape I went.
"People really know your number when you come down a fire escape when there's no fire. The old bats in front of the building were tsk-tsking me as I set sail for Sid's.
"But you know, it was really worth it. I mean, half the fun is the waiting and the expectations that you build for yourself.
"Now I knew I had a piece of ass, and I knew where to find her. All I had to do was kill time for two days, then it would be Saturday and I'd be back. It was sweet agony, I can tell you that.
"One thing, though, really threw me. It was Friday afternoon. I was working a counter and Judy came through, in her uniform, pushing a cart. My heart leaped and I wanted to talk, but she was ignoring me. It was like I didn't exist. When she'd look at me, she'd look through me.
"I was cursing inside, red in the face. I bagged her groceries and as she picked up the bag, she looked me full in the face and ... winked! Right on! And then she said, silently, 'Tomorrow.'
"Christ, I was hard for the rest of the day just thinking about it.
"I was supposed to work Saturday. That's one of the busiest days in the grocery business, but, come on, who's going to work when I had the deal waiting? I got up and called in sick. Then I showered and shaved and split for Judy's. It was about eleven A.M. when I got there and she opened the door almost immediately upon my knock.
" "What took you so long?' she said. She had a towel wrapped around her. She looked great.
"Within ten minutes we'd picked up where we'd left off. I was in front of the mirror, standing, and she was kneeling on the bed. My cock was buried up her ass and we were both watching the show in the mirror.
"Only this time I really fucked her good in the ass because I wanted to break her in right. The way I saw it, if I gave her a good ride, she'd let me come back for more. I fucked her ass until she was bubbling with come and then laid her down and fucked her some more.
"The only thing was, she liked having her cunt sucked a lot, and so we alternated between butt-fucking and sixty-nines. Of course, she'd clean my cock off before she'd suck it-butt-fuckers are not shit-eaters, after all.
"She came about four times just from being corn-holed. I guess it was the pure nastiness of it, or something, but I've found that a lot of girls can't come from a rear fuck. Nancy could, and Judy could, and a few others. But not most.
"She even smoothed me out a little. She was able to teach me to enjoy a good blow job, and an occasional fuck. But when it got down to it, I always wanted a butt-fuck. But then she disappeared. And that's when all this trouble started...."
It will take extensive therapy before the subject is able to adjust his thinking to the point where he will be able to distinguish his neurotically induced fantasies from reality. The pathos in this case lies in the parental-well-intentioned though their motivations might have been-twisting of the subject's libido at the most impressionable stage of its development.
CONCLUSION
There is hardly a question in anyone's mind that anal sexual activities should be considered as a distinct form of sexual deviation. Since most sexual deviations can be viewed simply as exaggerations of the normal psychosexual developmental processes, the reader must view these deviations in the context of the overall personality.
Although the prognosis for improvement in a sexual deviation such as analism is usually thought of as being poor, it is enhanced whenever the person with anal erotic desires voluntarily seeks out psychiatric help, and where it is possible to understand the total social and emotional pattern in which the anal deviate lives, putting anal erotic symptoms in perspective as a part of the subject's total life experience.
Even though he or she has sought out professional help, the subject is usually obsessive and compulsive about his or her anal desires. Understanding and treatment, therefore, must include any form of psychiatric or psychological treatment which is capable of attacking the neurotic manifestations in their relationship to the total life experience of the individual.
Management of anal desires becomes a combination of psychiatric and legal approaches. The law often separates such individuals from society, but, unfortunately, equally often places sexual deviates of all sorts together. The stimulation of sexual deviations by other deviations becomes exaggerated by congregating individuals with similar problems.
The best opportunity the reader has to understand these individuals is to understand the neurotic process which led to the initial development of anal desires. Unfortunately, the older the subject is when his anal desires are exposed the less wish is there on his part for any treatment of his sexual deviation.
There is no clear agreement on the part of psychiatrists or psychologists as to how sexual deviations such as this should be handled in the clinical setting. To some extent this reflects not only the intrinsic pathology but also the impact of this psychopathology on society as a whole. Since psychiatrists and psychologists are themselves a part of the overall social community, they often reflect the moral values of the community regarding anal sexual activities, especially since sexual deviations such as analism are particularly susceptible to being viewed with moral implications. The attitude one must take, though, continues to be that of understanding the meaning of the anal desire to the individual, understanding the compulsion and its repetitious activity, and attempting to understand the satisfying aspect of the process and how it relieves the sexual tension which would otherwise be emotionally tearing the individual apart.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Ellis, Albert, and Arbarbanel, Albert, eds. The
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Freud. New York: Macmillan Co., 1964. Kinsey, Albert, et al. Sexual Behavior in the
Human Female. Philadelphia: W. B. Saunders, Inc., 1953.
Masters, W. H., and Johnson, V. E. Human Sexual Response. Boston: Little, Brown & Co., 1966.
Rado, Sandor. "An Adaptational View of Sexual Behavior.'" In Psychoanalysis of Behavior, vol. I, p. 186. New York: Grune & Stratton, 1956.
Sherfey, M. J. "The Evolution and Nature of Female Sexuality in Relation to Psychoanalytic Theory." Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, 14:28 (1966).
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