SLIDERS by Joe Doe A GUARD AT A WATER PARK GETS PAYBACK ON A BEAUTIFUL GIRL WHO INCREASED HIS WORKLOAD. The beautiful young woman in the purple bikini had been nothing but trouble. José hadn't noticed her at the gate that morning. And, since he kept a close eye on all of the foxy babes who checked into the water park, he knew that she had probably sneaked in. He had first noticed her that morning prancing around in front of the wave pool, flirting with the middle-aged men who were trying desperately to suck in their guts and talk to her. None of them had a chance with her of course, but she did manage to get every one of them in trouble with his wife. José watched unhappily as the infuriated women and their whipped men headed quickly for the exits. Once you lost a customer that way, he thought grimly, they never came back. Less than a half hour later, he was called across the park. A college boy had apparently decided to become an Olympic diver in order to impress the purple princess, and had dislocated his shoulder. It took José nearly twenty minutes to gently move the would-be champion to the ambulance. When his radio went off in a panic, José knew who had caused it. He proceeded to earn himself a split lip and a black eye separating two studs at the pool bar in a death match over the fabulous babe in the purple bikini. The two romeos didn't even notice their fantasy girl walking away with a huge grin on her face as they pounded each other. Less than five minutes after the nurse had finished stitching his lip, José was racing across the park again. It seems that a group of men were jostling for position on the bleachers at the bottom of the "KILLER CHILLER" water slide. José was able to stop this fight before it started, and he didn't even have to look up to see the cause. Sure enough, the gorgeous babe in the beautiful bikini was on the stairs leading up to the top of the line, flirting with a couple of guys who were both bragging to her about who could go down the slide faster. José wondered how long it would be before the two men on the stairs ended up in the emergency room. It wasn't her fault that grown men acted like little boys to impress women, but she was clearly doing everything she could to encourage their adolescent behavior. José knew he had to stop her soon, or no man would get out alive. The men at the bottom of the slide were jostling for position because they knew that this ride was infamous for stripping off women's bikinis, and they wanted to make sure they had the best viewing position possible for the beautiful purple babe's unveiling. But, as Jose looked up the stairs at the flirtatious blonde, he knew that their dreams were doomed. He had spent many hours standing at the bottom of this slide, and he could instinctively tell which suits would hold and which wouldn't. The fabric of her suit was lacy at the edges, but the strings holding it together were as thick as shoelaces. Furthermore, the young lady had taken the precaution of sewing another purple emergency string into the sides and top of her bikini to give her second layer of protection. José frowned. Like the girl herself, the suit was just another clever tease. But he wasn't beaten yet. He had installed a special device for just such an occasion. He looked up at the ride operator and signaled by waving his hat in the air. When he got his attention, he made a gesture that mimicked the "face-masking" gesture in football (a fist pulling something down). Then he held up three fingers, indicating the bimbo third from the top. As soon as the ride operator saw the girl in the purple bikini, he broke into a huge smile. The ride operator gave José a salute. This was going to be good! The beautiful blonde was already rolling down the chute when the operator pressed the hidden switch that activated the snag bar. José watched merrily as the tiny ridge moved up slightly. As he had planned, the beautiful young woman slid over the little bump effortlessly. But her suit did not. The operator didn't press the switch to release her suit until after the butt-naked blonde had hit the water. In the ensuing confusion, the cheering, whooping crowd barely noticed her top and bottoms floating down the chute and into the tank. The crowd of men went wild, and the park was a suddenly a sea of flashbulbs. The clever girl immediately made a beeline for a towel by the side of the "splash tank," and she almost had her hand on it when José grabbed her wrist. "Towel theft is a serious offense, Miss," he said, sternly, dragging the naked woman out of the water. "But I was just going to borrow it! the blonde shrieked as he pulled her into the full view of the cheering crowd. Covering her breasts and crotch with her hands, she shrieked, "Can't you see I lost my suit?" José turned to the middle-aged lady whose towel it was. The woman was not ugly, but she was considerably older than the blonde. She had been poking her husband in the ribs the entire time the girl in the purple bikini had been in line at the slide, signaling him that she was not pleased with the way he was ogling another woman. Like all the men in the park, the man ignored his wife. But now that the little vixen who had put a serious dent in her domestic relationship was crouching butt-naked in front of her, blushing furiously as she tried to cover herself, the woman was actually smiling. "This woman has lost her suit," José explained. "You can give her your towel if you want...OR...we can press charges for towel theft. Of course, that will require me to handcuff the suspect and march her to the security office on the other side of the park so you can prefer charges." He smiled. "You could lend her the towel for the trip, if you like, since it is a fairly long way and her current condition will probably draw quite a crowd...." The woman looked at the cute little blonde crouching down in front of her and mouthing the word "Please." The woman smiled down at her, winked, and turned to José. "Cuff her!" she snapped. Then she took the large beach towel, folded it, and put it in her bag. The handcuffed blonde no-longer-in-the-purple-bikini was unable to cover herself as José held her by the scruff of the neck and marched her towards the office. The crowd pressed in at first, which led to quite a bit of groping, but José quickly found a solution. Since it was almost time for the parade, he cut over to the parade route and marched the blushing, naked bimbo right down the center of the street just a few feet in front of the lead float. It was perfect. The parade route allowed him to easily, slowly walk the young lady down the street while the crowd stood cheering on the sidelines behind the ropes. Behind her, the middle-aged woman would occasionally SNAP! the large beach towel against the blonde's bare butt, much to the throng's obvious amusement. Good fun for everyone, without an injury, accident, or fight in sight. José always did love parades. Edited by C. Lakewood