PA MAGAZINE: CORPORATE SECURITY

                               by 

                            Joe Doe


ANOTHER TRAGIC REJECTION FROM PA MAGAZINE THAT FITS INTO THIS 
FORUM, SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL -- A BRIEF ARTICLE ABOUT USING 
CORPORATE SECURITY TO BRING YOUR FEMALE EMPLOYEES TO HEEL. 



Corporate policies that systematically strip women of their 
rights are insufficient without the muscle to back them up.  A 
well-trained army of thugs can ensure full compliance with even 
the most discriminatory work rules and can be an invaluable tool 
in transforming your company from a hotbed of liberal feminism 
into a virtual female prison. 


SECURITY BADGES 

"I wasn't surprised when I received a memo ordering me to report 
to the new corporate security office for my security badge," one 
female executive explained.  "It wasn't until I realized that none 
of my male bosses, colleagues, or subordinates received the memo 
that I suspected something was wrong." 

"The male employees were given a tiny security pin at the front 
desk each morning; it gave them free access to all areas of the 
building.  But every female employee was required to wear an 
enormous pink photo badge at all times.  After a few weeks, it 
became clear that my badge was being used to restrict my access 
to the resources I needed to do my job.  I had to send my male 
assistant to executive planning and budgeting meetings.  Pretty 
soon he was meeting with my customers directly, since my badge 
didn't allow me to leave the building during work hours or even 
to access an outside phone line. 

"The badges were used to monitor my movements, and I began 
receiving reprimands anytime I left my desk.  The badges made 
it impossible for female employees to meet to discuss what was 
being done to them, let alone organize any resistance.  When I 
found myself holding my crotch and doing the potty dance as I 
begged my smirking male assistant for a 'Three Minute Pee-Pee 
Authorization Card,' I knew I was in trouble." 

"When I received another memo advising me that new security badges 
were being issued for all female employees, I expected the 
worst...and I wasn't disappointed.  The photo session for my new 
security badge seemed normal enough...until they ordered me to 
remove my clothes!  Naturally, I refused, but the four beefy 
security guards made it clear that my clothes were coming off, 
whether I took them off or not.  They took 5 mug shots (one with 
clothes, and the rest -- front, rear, right and left profile -- 
naked)."   

"My new badge was enormous.  It contained a full frontal nude 
picture of me, along with my measurements, salary, and marital 
status."   

"Three of the more religious girls who were still virgins were 
given badges with huge red cherries, while the guards gleefully 
'outed' several lesbians in our office by writing the word DYKE 
across their badges." 

"A few days later, the photos of me appeared on our company's web 
site, which completely undermined what little credibility I had 
left with my clients.  My few remaining customers were already 
complaining that I didn't have the authority to get any of their 
orders processed, and, after the photos appeared, I found myself 
giving blow jobs to keep business.   

"The new security 'tags' are attached to a dog collar I have to 
wear around my neck.  My name is Cynthia, but my tag calls me 
'CINDY,' and says that I 'belong' to my former assistant, and 
that he should be called if I get lost or get into trouble.   

"Our new dress code requires female employees to wear minuscule 
skirts and lacy, sexy panties.  I have to bend at the waist to 
get my dog tags close enough to the scanner to open a door, which 
causes my tiny skirt to ride up and expose my underpants.  Every 
time I go to fetch coffee for my assistant, somebody slaps or 
pinches my butt!  

"The badge made my transformation from executive to secretary 
effortless and seamless; by the time they finally cut my pay, 
took away my title, and gave my assistant my old office, I was 
powerless to resist." 


PARKING 

Parking has long been an executive perk, but it can also be used 
as an effective means of punishment and control.  

"Violent crimes against women" is a ready excuse for stripping 
female executives of their reserved parking spaces in the garage 
attached to the building and forcing them to walk to the uncovered 
parking lot ½ mile from the main building.  The female car kennel 
should be fenced in and guarded 24 hours a day, with a large guard 
towers so that females can be monitored as they leave the building 
and begin their long trek towards their automobiles.  

Some female employees would rather work all night than face the 
humiliation of walking across a vast empty stretch of concrete 
while minimum wage male security guards shine spot lights on them 
from the towers above and hoot out detailed assessments of their 
feminine charms.  Any policy that encourages females to put in 
extra free overtime can't be all bad! 

Forcing all female employees to park together will make it easier 
to enforce mandatory start times and overtime policies.  Women who 
arrive after the 6:00 AM start time will have their paychecks 
docked and will be subjected to various forms of harassment by 
the male security guards.  In addition, restricted access to the 
barbwire-enclosed lot will end leisurely female lunches and ensure 
that female employees don't leave without a male's permission. 

The segregation of all female employees to the boondocks will free 
up spaces in the enclosed garage for your valuable male employees.  
Once all of the male employees are protected in the snug, heated 
garage, you can create a new policy that prohibits employees from 
carrying drippy umbrellas or rain-proof coats into the building.   

Imagine how frustrated and humiliated the poor dears will be when 
they are forced to run in high heels in the freezing rain past the 
parking garage that houses the cars of their male subordinates.  
And the new clothing policy for female employees will chase away 
those rainy day blues by turning every storm day into a wet t-shirt 
contest! 

The security guards will naturally be empowered to seize any car 
they regard as unsafe, particularly BMWs or other luxury vehicles.  
And the lot can be made progressively smaller, in order to 
encourage females employees to get to work earlier or take public 
transportation. 

"I figured when I forgot my parking pass they would just fine me, 
or tell me to go park somewhere else," one bank manager explained.  
"I couldn't believe it when the guards ordered me out of my car and 
told me to strip!  I begged them to let me keep my panties on, but 
they claimed that I had to hand over my underpants to ensure that 
I wasn't 'concealing contraband.'"  

"I figured that, after they had their fun, they would let me get 
dressed, but instead they marched me into the bank butt naked!  
The security guards forced me to work in the buff all day, and 
they made me to do all sorts of degrading things, like fetching 
coffee for my subordinates and scrubbing the marble floor in the 
lobby.  Needless to say my credibility was destroyed.  The very 
next day I was demoted from bank manager to typing temp." 


FRISKS 

Any idiot who can hook up a buzzer can transform that new metal 
detector at your company's front door into an opportunity to grope 
hapless female employees. 

"No matter how little I wear, the buzzer ALWAYS goes off," one 
woman complained.  "Yesterday I was wearing nothing but a tube 
top, miniskirt, panties, and sandals, but I was still detained 
for almost 10 minutes while each of the four security guards 
frisked me!" 

A good frisk should never be rushed.  Smile knowingly when the 
buzzer goes off, and give the woman a playful wink as you gesture 
for her to raise her arms above her head.  You should always take 
your time in running your hands over every inch of her body, 
starting with the arms and legs before moving on to the more 
detailed body search.  Even if her arms or legs are bare, take 
your time to caress them and enjoy the feeling of her soft, 
vulnerable skin. 

Of course the buttocks and breasts must be squeezed thoroughly, 
and the guard shouldn't hesitate to run his hands underneath the 
squirming woman's skirt as he checks her crotch.  Of course, any 
signs of moisture or wetness could denote the smuggling of an 
illegal substance, which brings us to our next topic.... 


STRIP SEARCHES 

If the woman resists or complains about her frisking in any way, 
the guard should respond by ordering an immediate strip search.  
Many corporations make the mistake of thinking that searches have 
to be conducted in a private area, when in fact public strip 
searches are an ideal method for enforcing feminine submission. 

"When my corporation shortened all female lunch breaks to 15 
minutes and prohibited women from eating at their desks, all of 
the women were forced to wolf down their lunches in the cafeteria.   
The guards routinely began pulling women out of the lunch line 
and strip searching them right there in the cafeteria.  At first 
they just picked on the secretaries, but, after they got away with 
that, the female executives became fair game.  Yesterday the VP of 
Finance, the Corporate Counsel, and the VP of Marketing were 
forced to kneel down on a lunch bench with their legs spread and 
their naked backsides in the air.  The exam table was right in 
front of the lunch table the loading dock workers were eating at, 
and the guys heckled and whistled while the guards gave them their 
cavity searches." 

"Suspicion of Drug Abuse" is a good an excuse for turning a 
routine strip search into a cavity search.  If you do decide to 
use female guards for this duty, make sure the guards are as 
butch as possible.  The guards' masculine demeanor should make it 
clear that they enjoy ordering the blushing women to "bend over 
and spread 'em" as much as the male spectators enjoy watching. 

Other companies like to search their female employees en-masse; 
why have a lawn in front of your building if you never use it?  
There are few things more lovely than the sight of dozens of naked 
women with their hands on top of their heads, surrounded by armed 
guards and barking security dogs.  The women won't much like the 
hoots and hollers of their male colleagues and passing pedestrians, 
but, in the end, they'll have no choice but to blush, squirm, and 
wait patiently for the rubber glove.   

After the clothing is removed, it should be sent to a lab for drug 
testing.  "My friends and I had to dress in clothes the men picked 
for us," one woman whined.  "I was dressed in a skimpy cheerleader 
outfit, while my boss had to dress up like a French Maid and dust 
the lobby.  The Comptroller was put into a school uniform and 
turned over the mailroom boy's knee for a bare bottom spanking!  
But we were the lucky ones; one secretary was forced to return 
to work wearing nothing but her heels!" 

The searches can also be used as an excuse to seize "contraband," 
such as cash, expensive jewelry, credit cards, or condo keys.  
Stripping women of their financial independence is every bit as 
important as stripping them of their clothing, and the seizures 
will more than pay for the added costs of the security services. 

The frequency of routine strip searches may make it necessary for 
guards to "deputize" male employees to help with their search 
duties, and training classes (with lovely female "volunteers") 
should give each employee, regardless of job title or paygrade, 
the experience needed to perform a proper cavity search. 


DISCIPLINE 

Roving bands of brutish security guards will encourage female 
employees to stay behind their desks where they belong.  "I'll 
never forget the first time they stopped me," one shaken woman 
said.  "The four of them pushed me around, and frisked me, and 
finally took me downstairs to see the head of security.  I tried 
to explain that I was just trying to use the washroom, but he 
countered that, without a 'potty pass,' I had no right to be in 
the hallways without a male escort! 

"I'm a 31-year-old MBA, but he really made me fell like a naughty 
girl sent to the principal's office.  I'll never forget the way I 
stammered apologies and awkwardly shifted my weight from foot to 
foot as I watched him slowly unhook his belt and teasingly slide 
it out of the belt loops.  I begged him to at least let me keep my 
underpants on, but he said that naughty girls learned their lesson 
best when it was an 'underpants downer.'  Since several of my male 
subordinates had been called down to witness my spanking, I tried 
to take my punishment with dignity, but I was soon kicking my legs 
and promising to be a 'good little girl.' 

"After the spanking, I had to stand outside my office with my nose 
in the corner, panties down and skirt raised.  Everyone laughed, 
particularly when they saw the sign on my back that read 'potty 
girl.'  I never was allowed to use the bathroom, and I spent the 
rest of the day trying to maintain control of my bladder while 
listening to the water cooler gurgle! 

"The very next day I was transferred down to the secretarial 
pool," the woman added.   "It was an 80% pay cut, but at least 
the potty was right next to my tiny school desk.  I still have 
to ask permission for my 3-minute potty break, but I'm used to it.  
If a woman dresses sexy and doesn't act uppity or pretend to be 
smart, the security guards pretty much leave her alone." 

Guards can also be used to frame unruly women for a variety of 
imaginary crimes.  There are few things more instructive to female 
employees than the sight of the highest ranking female executive 
in the building being led away in handcuffs.  A few weeks on the 
prison farm will go a long way toward preparing her for her new 
role as company receptionist. 

In conclusion, don't hesitate to use corporate security to teach 
women their rightful place.  "Our new security force really keeps 
the little ladies in line," one proud executive boasts.  "The 
badges restrict their movements, the paddlings keep them meek and 
humble, and the cafeteria strip searches make me look forward to 
lunch!"  



Edited by C. Lakewood