Author: Arthur Kay Title: Prof. Pinwoody's New-Fangled Homemade Lady!
Summary: PInwoody's female creation would not only eliminate a man's
loneliness, it would give him the sex ride of his life. Once the kinks
are worked out, that is. Keywords: MF rom humor cons het

WARNING: This story is an act of fiction that contains graphic sexual
descriptions and language. If you are a minor (under 21) or if you are
offended by this kind of material then you should stop reading now.
Any resemblance between this story and a real event is coincidental.
The participants are imaginary; their actions have no negative
consequences other than those portrayed in the story. The story is
intended for entertainment and should not be emulated in the real
world.

Prof. Pinwoody's New-Fangled Homemade Lady!

by Arthur Kay

MAY 15, 2020, in a laboratory, whose location is known to only but a
few, and only on a need-to-know basis:

"Looks like we've truly done it, Alice!" said Prof. Hapland "Pin"
Pinwoody, Ph.D. "Respy has just executed her tenth perfect
computerized movement." He turned toward his associate, Prof. Alice
Hames, Ph.D, and couldn't miss the grin on her face. It was almost
ear-to-ear.

"You're right, Pinny, and just wait until the investors get a gander.
Shit, pardon my French, but they'll be just throwin' money at us!" She
laughed. Pinwoody nodded.

"That's for sure." Pinwoody pressed another button on the remote
control prototype. Respy reacted in nanoseconds. "You see that! She
threw her legs around his back just as if she'd been doing it all her
life!" Respy was on a bed, her legs now locked at the ankles across a
crash-test dummy's back. Pinwoody hit another button and the legs,
still locked, crawled further up the dummy's back as far as they could
manage. "Look at that!"

Alice laughed, then said, "She has, prof, been doin' it all her life!
This is technically her birthday!" Pinwoody turned toward her, a smile
on his face. 

Alice lifted her hand and shaped it as if it was holding an invisible
glass. Making a pantomime toast, she said,  "Many more, Respy! Many
more." She chuckled. Pinwoody "clinked" his own finger-shaped
imaginary glass holder with Alice's and said, "To Respy, may she earn
us millions!" 

Pinwoody then said, out loud, "Sip, sip!" Alice followed suit, "Sip,
sip!" This was their usual mock celebration ritual. They did it every
time the occasion called for it, like it did now.

Hap and Alice have something to celebrate, all right. They had worked
on Pinwoody's dream, some called it "Pinwoody's Pipe Dream," for
almost ten years now, five of which were concerned with nothing more
than Respy's computer calibrated movements. The very movements
Pinwoody was now putting Respy through.

RESPY. An acronym, but slightly altered when speaking about it, for
Robot for Every Sexual Pleasure Imaginable. The term had been Alice's
idea. Said it came to her in a flash, right after those two longs
years of getting its respiring chest to look and heave naturally, as
if breathing or, if called for by the remote, gasping and panting. No
easy feat, that. 

The skin, a project sub-contracted to a large firm, one Dermacom,
Inc., that specialized in mannequins for big-time movie usage, came on
board less than six months from the initial start date. Using a
plasticized rubber formula, one they actually had to invent, the skin
not only looked human, it felt like it. 

To give the skin some human feeling heat, or warmth, which Pinwoody
felt was absolutely necessary and he was adamant on the point, fine
wires were embedded throughout the upper dermal layer. In the year
2010, if you remember, Dermacom launched this skin and wire combo to
the mass market as DermaTouch and one could find it in everything from
lady’s handbags and panties to men's wallets and undershorts.

DermaTouch sold, as they always say, like hotcakes, only not as hot to
the touch.

Alice said it reminded her of an electric blanket. Except this
particular electric blanket had a top heat setting of 99.7 degrees. At
the time, Pinwoody had quipped to Alice, "No point in having a guy
screwing a lady with a fever of 104, now is there?" Is there?

99.7 would feel quite hot enough to a guy holding steady at 98.6.
Especially when you consider that the only thermometer he'd be
sticking into Respy had no clear red markings on it to discern her
actual temp, anyhow.

The artificial intelligence, A.I., had been a piece of cake. 

The incredible breakthrough, in 2006, by the well-renowned pioneering
A.I.-ist, Benjamin Gentz, Ph.D, on speech and word recognition is well
documented. Suffice it to say, Respy, the off-the-shelf version, could
respond and react to 1,000 spoken questions or commands. One's
personal tastes, likes and dislikes, could easily be programmed for
her to follow.

Add an updated, microbe driven, Enzymo AT-VIX-22 hard drive and the
amount of new commands and responses one could teach her, well, they
were truly unlimited. All you had to do was tell her and show her once
and it was, monkey see, monkey do. A nuance or semantic problem? No
problem. All you had to do was talk to Respy. In any language known to
man, including Old Latin, if you were some kind of monk.

And if you want Respy to learn all about you, your work, your career,
your personal this and that’s, so she'd be more than just a sex toy,
she'd be company, well, old chum, just talk to her. She's got a damn
fine memory built into her. 

What does Respy look like? More correctly would be, whom does she look
like? But an even more correct question, at this time, would be, whom
will she look like? Glad you asked. The first model to retail will be
a carefully chosen composite of Mira Sorvino, Gillian Anderson, Rene
Zellweger, and the beautiful French actress, Anouk Aimée. The part, or
parts, each will contribute, to be determined later.

Yes, Respy would be, as envisioned by Alice and Pinwoody, something
else, indeed. And beyond. Because both Alice and Pinwoody could see
the potential Respy had to eliminate human loneliness. At least among
the folks who could afford it. And, as Pinwoody once put it, who
knows? In time, the price would probably be within the reach of anyone
with an average paying job. Just look at computers and their overall
track record.

A male Respy version, for the ladies out there, and some men, would be
next on the Alice and Pinwoody agenda, but the female Respy offered
more challenges and thus had been worked on first. With the female,
there were those infernal internal problems to work out: Realistic
vaginal juices, warm, wet anal moistness, and, toughest of all, a
naturally salivating tongue.

The male version, by comparison, was child's play once the female
prototype was complete and up to snuff. There was already a very
realistic penis on the market that not only went from flaccid to
erect, it also ejaculated. The amount of pseudo-sperm was
controllable, too. Recipe included. 

Hell, this dang faux pecker thing even had hairy balls, whose eggs
could be felt as they rolled around under its warm DermaTouch skin.
All it lacked was a body to attach it to. A Respy body, if Pinwoody
had any say in the matter . . .

* * * * * *

RESPY, with Pinwoody's help on the remote, was now humping the test
dummy to beat the band. Every button Pinwoody punched, from kiss him
on the mouth to wiggle your ass in a clockwise direction, now the
other way, was faithfully followed. With a passion so heated, so
ardent, though programmed in, it now surprised the two experimenters. 

"Holy Christ, Alice, to put it in plain english, she's fucking the
dummy's ass off!" He laughed, a nervous laugh, one of glee mixed with
shock.

'Yeah, Pin, I wish I could move like that. Then maybe you and I would
go at it more often than we've have been lately." She lightly smacked
him on the arm. "Dummy!"

"Hell, Alice, if you moved like that I'd . . . I better shut up!" He
looked guilty.

"Damn! You've got a woody, Pin, a fucking woody just from watching
her! And don't tell me you have on a pair of those new tent-filled
trousers!" She gave him a hurt look, but he knew it was a sham one.

He knew he had been busted. He hit a few more buttons and said, "You
going to tell me, woman, that you're not getting your stew stirred a
bit from watching the way she moves, the way she fucks?" Respy was now
moaning and grabbing the dummy's ass cheeks with both hands, squeezing
them. And, all the while, her ass cheeks were smoothly going in a
definite counterclockwise direction. Then, with a mere Pinwoody touch
on a button, clockwise.

"Maybe so," Alice admitted. "But I don't need no stinkin' remote to do
all of those things at the same time. So there, Mr. Smarty Pants
Dummy!" Then she was back to business. "Of course, once I design those
programs to incorporate multiple manoeuvrings, Respy won't need no
stinkin' remote, either."

They watched, fascinated, as Respy fucked and moaned. "Mmmm . . . "

* * * * * *

"I HAVE A GOOD IDEA, PIN, why don't we put that simple three-motion
program I wrote into Respy? We can loop it and give it a small test.
And, while we test, you can get a good fuck at the same time. OK,
dummy with the tent in pants?" She chuckled and made a circle with her
left hand's thumb and forefinger and pumped her right thumb in and out
of it. He looked over at her and smirked.

"Good idea, Ali, a little business with pleasure mix. Only one small
problem. Lacking a vagina, how can I fuck her while we test?" He
laughed, throwing his head back. Alice reached out and smacked his arm
again. 

"You may be joshing, dummy, but that does bring up the question. When
she's vagina laden, so to put it, are you gonna be the first to pop
her cherry?" She stuck a thumb in her mouth and made a popping sound
as she quickly pulled it back out. 

Pinwoody smiled. "No, Alice, I don't think so. As much as I'd like to
be her first fuck, and women never forget their first fuck, as you
undoubtedly know, I think I'll learn more by being an observer.
Besides, if she fucks anywhere near the way I'm imagining right now,
my ability to concentrate would go right out the fucking window." He
grinned, his point made.

Alice reached out and gave his tent bulge a playful squeeze. "So, tell
me, old nobel one who sacrifices his own fun for science, do you have
anyone in mind for her first royal fucking?" She figured he had. He
had.

"Yeah, Willie Vance, our illustrious grad student of glorious day time
assistants. He's a strapping lad with a nice strong body, which might
come in handy just in case we have an unforeseen physical problem with
Respy. I've already run it by him and he's game, as long as he's paid,
that is." 

"Willie's fine, Pin, but don't you think he'd be a tad self-conscious
with me watching him screw a robot? I know you wouldn't, but Willie's
much more human that way." She giggled and squeezed his bulge again.

"Cute. But we'll solve that bullshit by running the test in room C.
You can observe through the one-way mirror. Old Willie need be none
the wiser and I believe this will let us get a great performance out
of him. Of course, if, as I suspect, he's hung like a horse, I won't
be able to  say the same about you!"

"Cute right back at you. Now, Mr.Tent-In-Pants, should I put the
three-motion program in, or not?" She absent mindedly rubbed her
crotch area. This movment didn't go unobserved by Pinwoody.

"Yes, Ms. Moisty Mound, why don't you do just that . . . ?"

* * * * * *

AS RESPY THE ROBOT WOMAN went through Alice's three-motion
computerized program, the two humans, both now nude, were remiss in
their watching duties. They both had their eyes closed and were
kissing passionately as they embraced, standing less than two yards
from the bed of action. With the camera filming away.

The passionate kissing ended with Pinwoody plopping down onto a sofa.
The convertible bed-sofa they both used sometimes when working an all-
nighter. He sat there, his hairy legs splayed way out, with an
erection that had it's single eye looking right up at the ceiling
tiles.

Alice mounted him, feeling his burgeoning cock head bump her pussy's
entrance. She took a hand and gently guided him into her, feeling the
familiar thickness of him as it seemed to push upward.

As Pinwoody felt the heat of her soft, fleshy moistness engulf his
professorial boner, she felt the heat of his professorial hardness. He
started a pumping action, giving her the old Ph.D technique. Pump Her
Deep, baby, Pump Her Deep. 

They quickly had a syncopated rhythym going on. She would meet his
upward thrusts with an equal downward push. A fly on the wall would
swear he was watching two humans, two humans who had done this funny
stuff many times before. And the fly didn't need no stinkin' Ph.D to
come to that conclusion.

Respy could be heard by the tell-tale bed spring sounds being made as
she humped her mindless crash-test dummy.

Then the action heated up, as action is known to do sometimes.
Pinwoody thrust upward. Alice pushed downward. They would kiss. He
would explore her back and ass cheeks. She would moan. Pinwoody would
grunt. They would kiss some more. Kiss. Thrust. Pump. Ass grab. Kiss..
.

Then professor Alice let out a scream so loud they were both glad the
room was soundproofed. "Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!"

Pinwoody, ever the professor, controlled his scream to a simple,
"Aarrggh-umph!" They collapsed into each other, their sweat
intermingling.

As two professorial body fluids also mixed and mingled, Alice said,
"Oooh, Pinny, that was a good one, right up there with our third time
together. And I never even looked at Respy. Did you?"

"Well, I . . . you want the truth . . . " Alice smacked his arm.

"Dummy!"

* * * * * *

"YOU ENJOYING HER WILLIE?" Pinwoody asked. Mainly because Willie had a
strange look on his mug. It could have meant he was enjoying it, but
then again, it could have equally meant he was embarrassed. 

Red-faced embarrased and now needed time to think up an excuse, a good
one. Guilty like, somehow.

Red-faced guilty. As if a woman had just caught him with her big old
hand down her five year old girl-kid's bright yellow panties and he
was just trying to explain, ma'am, how he had just dropped this dime,
see? And you know how dimes are, ma'am, they can get their skinny
selves into any old crack or crevice, no pun meant, ma'am. Well, with
the economy, such as it is, I was trying to retrieve it. Oh, see? Here
it is, right here in my closed fist. I guess I found it.  Well, ma'am,
I'll just go put it in my pocket here, where I usually keep all my
other spare change, hear them tinklin' together? And then I'll just go
home and change my shorts, if that's all the same to you, ma'am. No
harm, no foul done, eh? 

That kind of red-faced, embarrassment guilty looking.

Alice, in room C, and with the camera grinding away and she making
notes into a tape recorder, couldn't take her eyes off Willie's manly
appendage. The darn thing was huge, humungous, gigantic, gargantuan,
and any other synonym you can get out of a decent thesaurus.

Alice surmised it had to be at least a foot long, maybe longer. While
this made her eyes pop out, it was the width of this elephant cock
that made her eyeball vessels seem to burst. Oh, it started out normal
enough, an inch and a quarter wide at the head. But then it increased
right down the footlong shaft until, at the base, it had to measure a
good three inches in girth, maybe more, if you had a tape measure.

Alice had never seen anything like it, not even in the porn flicks she
and Pinwoody sometimes watched together. This thing not only looked as
if it would fuck hell out of a woman, it looked as if it would pile-
drive her to death. And, to Alice's way of thinking at the moment,
there wasn't a better way to die. Her quickly moistening pussy told
her that much.

So, knowing who would be the wiser? Alice put her hand under her skirt
and found her old pal, Ms. Moisty Mound. Even though Ms. Mound was
hiding her hairy self behind silk panties. 

While Willie walked around in the other room, seeming to limber up for
his big sex match, as it were, and with his huge baseball bat swinging
in the air, Alice, her eyes glued on the bat, fingered away and found
a heaven only woman know exists. And visited heaven more than once,
for sure; sometimes on around trip ticket.

And there was Respy. Ready and waiting further instructions. From a
voice or an electrical impulse, she didn't care which. She was on the
bed on her back, her legs spread wide, her downy-haired pussy
quivering. She looked as if all she needed was a man right about now,
and any man will do, thank you. The only odd things about her were her
hands. They were lying, limply, alongside her body, the left hand's
fingers tapping on the sheet. Much as if she was getting impatient.

And then along came Willie, with his deli-style salami swinging to and
fro. He skipped any preliminary foreplay, such as kissing and
cuddling, and went right for the gold. The lightning fast mat pin. In
a wink, and before you could even say horse cock, he was on her and in
her, pushing as if to see if he could find just where it was she
bottomed out. 

Amazingly, when he had found the bottom, Respy's eyes popped open and
widened up real big like, as if she was surprised by this sudden
vaginal intrusion. She looked right at Willie and actually snarled at
him, "Snrrrr!" Willie now looked surprised, too. As did Pinwoody and
Alice.

Then the shit hit the fan! Respy threw her arms around Willie's back
and squeezed, real hard like. At the same time, her vagina muscles
started their own squeezing. All over Willie's shaft length, right
down to his big old 3" thick base. She had a good hold on him. And was
now tightening up so rapidly, Willie started yelling.

"Ooooooowww! P-Professor, she's squeezing me to death! And I can't
pull out! Make her stop! Ooooooowww! Ooooooowww!" He was in trouble.

Pinwoody knew he had to act quickly. He yelled commands at Respy. Told
her stop it, now! No go. He grabbed the backup circuit board. He went
over to Respy and tried to cram it into her brain receptacle drawer.
It wouldn't go in. Then it got stuck. It now wouldn't come out. In a
panic, he ran back to the desk.

He tried the remote. No go. He thought: Batteries dead?  He opened the
remote and ejected the two batteries. He went to the desk drawer where
they stored them in. Empty! Not a one. Not even a triple A.

Shit, Pinwoody thought, shit, shit, shit! Alice forgot. Again.

Than an idea popped into his head. He ran to a closet, lunged his arm
into it and pulled out a baseball bat, a Louisville Slugger. With the
words, Genuine Mickey Mantle Autographed baseball bat printed along
its wooden length.

Wasting not a second more, Pinwoody went over to Respy, raised the bat
high over his hand and gave her a solid thwack right to the skull. It
made a loud and dull thushing sound. Respy's hips were still gyrating.
So he hit her again. And even once more. No go, her hips still moved,
hurting the hell out of Willie. 

"Ooooooow! Make her stop! For God's sake, make her stop! Ooooooow!"

Then another idea popped itself into Pinwoody's mind. He turned toward
Willie, raised the bat again and gave him a good whack right on the
top of his young blond head. Some blood spurted out as Willie keeled
his upper body over to the left side of Respy. He was out for the
count. But he was still in Respy. The only good thing one could see
was Respy's arms had fallen back to the bed, freeing her death grip on
him.

Pinwoody pushed on Willie's hips. He pulled and tugged on Willie's
legs. And, finally, thank you lord, Willie, with a pop even Alice
heard, was free.

Alice had been staring in awed silence the whole time. Her right hand
was still at her wide-open, gaping mouth. She looked shell-shocked.

Pinwoody brought her back to reality by yelling out, "Alice! Call 911!
Now!"

Alice made the call, explaining the situation as best she could
without going in to too much vivid detail, and went and joined
Pinwoody.

Pinwoody was trying to take Willie's pulse. To Alice, it looked as if
Pinwoody was having trouble finding one. He switched to another arm. 

Alice said, "Is, is he dead, Pin?" She feared the worst.

"I hope not, Ali. Oh, wait, I found his pulse. A good, strong one. I
just hope I didn't give him any brain damage. I swear, Alice, I tried
to hit him just hard enough to put him out, not kill him. You believe
me, don't you?" He was sweating profusely. As a killer might on a hot
July evening in August.

"Of course I do, of course . . . darling. You had to do it, Pin. What
else could you have done? I saw the whole thing. Respy would have
caused him permanent penile damage, if I know anything about these
things." She put her arms around him and went on.

"If anything, honey, you acted brilliantly, just brilliantly. I was in
the other room in too much shock to even move, but you, you were right
on it. Geez, when I saw you raise the bat over Willie's head, it
flashed through my mind just what you intended. Brilliant, baby, just
brilliant!" She squeezed him. 

"I-I was pretty good after all, wasn't I" He felt her head nodding
against his. "But poor Respy! I really messed her up good . . . "

"Forget Respy, hon, she can be repaired. She's only a ro . . . "

There was a hard knock on the door. "Paramedics!" a male voice yelled
out. Alice turned and started toward the door to let them in. More
loud knocks happened. "Coming!" she yelled at the impatient sounding
door. 

She felt somewhat relieved, but very queasy inside, as if she was
about to open the door and let total strangers see a murder scene. A
sexy one at that, given there was a naked man and one naked, smashed
up robot.

The paramedics, a male and a female, came right in, the male leading
the charge, with no "Hi, how are ya?" out of them. They were all
business, these two. The male took one look at the bed scene and
turned to Alice. 

"What gives here? We weren't told there were two of 'em!" He turned
back and started toward the bed. The female looked suspiciously at
Pinwoody as she headed to where her partner now stood. He was holding
Respy's arm up. "No pulse, Joan, she's a goner. Let's see if we can
help the guy."

Alice, still holding the door open, said, "There is only one, the
female, the one on the bed, is just a doll . . . a ro . . . "

Paramedic Joan turned her head slightly back toward Alice. "Well,
honey, she's a dead doll now, this lady is." Pinwoody, who had been
just standing there looking goofy, chipped his own two cents in.

"What Alice means, if you two will but take a moment to listen, is the
female isn't a real lady, she a ro . . . " 

A new voice, a male one, from the doorway, said, "You called us,
Ma'am?" Two cops, one male, one female, were now at the door. Alice
turned toward them. Pinwoody turned, too. The local gendarmes had
arrived.

Alice fessed up. "I'm the one who called you, officer. I'm Professor
Alice Hames." The two cops were staring at the bed scene, their radios
crackling and squawking. The male cop, having spotted the bat lying on
the floor in front of the bed, looked directly at Pinwoody. 

"You do this, fella?" He liked the direct assault as it sometimes
worked on a potential perp.

"Me? No! I mean yes. I mean no. I mean . . . " 

Pinwoody looked a tad guilty to the cop, who now said, "Who are you,
Mister, what's your name?" He'd seen this type before. More than once,
you betcha. 

He took a step toward Pinwoody. His partner had her hand lightly
resting on the 9mm Glock in its holster. She took a small step toward
Pinwoody, too. If nothing else, they had Mr. Potential Perp partly
surrounded now. Pinwoody looked trapped.

"I-I am P-Professor P-Pinwoody, officer, H-Hapland Pinwoody. I'm in
charge of this little experiment you see here, and I don't . . . "

"Experiment?" the male cop said. "Just what is going on here, sir? Why
don't you tell me all about it?" He had a mean look on his face. The
mean look was one of his perp specialties. He even practiced it now
and then in front of a mirror. Just to see the effect. Well, it sure
worked on Pinwoody. He was now Dumbwoody. Totally out of it.

"Oh, I see! You two think . . . oh, this is funny . . . really funny..
. it's not what it seems to be, officers. Ha ha! You see, I had to hit
her, she was . . . "

The male cop said, "You admitting you hit her, sir? You use that bat
over there?" Pinwoody looked. The bat was right where he remembered
dropping it. On the floor at the foot of the bed. It had blood smeared
on it.

"Yes, that bat. You see, I had no choice because I was out of double-A
batteries. So I had to improvise before Respy, the female on the bed..
. " 

The male cop said, "Let me get this straight, sir. You can't find no
batteries, so you lose it and bash her one, this Respy gal. Why, sir?
She forget to order them for you?" A real doozy, this one, thought the
cop.

"No, no!" Pinwoody said. "Alice orders the batteries. She just forgot
this time . . . " Alice piped in, the two cops looking at her:

"Sorry, Hon, I guess I had just too much on my plate, what with
setting it up so Willie wasn't overly self-conscious about having sex
with her and what with having to buy new film and . . . " 

The male cop said, "Willie? Who's he? He the guy over there?" He
pointed a thumb at the bed. Alice and Pinwoody nodded, almost
simultaneously. The cop turned his gaze back toward Pinwoody and spoke
softly, but in a rapid fire manner.

"What happened here, sir? You catch Willie diddling your girlfriend
there and, after giving him a taste of the old bat, you put a lick or
two on her? That about right? You just felt you had to hit her? Teach
her a good lesson?" The cop had said it matter-of-factly. He'd been
there, done that before. Many times.

Pinwoody was still flustered. "Officers, you've got it all wrong. Yes,
I had to hit her, I him, too, as a matter of fact, but not because she
was my girlfriend. It's none of your beeswax, officer, but if you need
to know, Alice here is my girlfriend." He pointed his thumb at Alice.
"The female on the bed is just someone Alice and I recently made.
She's a female ro . . . " 

The male cop said, somewhat angrily, "Listen, Mister, you're the one's
got it all wrong, beeswax or no beeswax. Now, why don't I just ask you
a few simple questions and you do your part by telling me the truth.
OK? Think you can handle that? Me asking, you telling?" He was glaring
at Pinwoody the Perp. The Perp nodded meekly, all argument gone out of
him. The cop, sensing his now complete control over the situation,
went on.

"OK, good! Now, you say it wasn't the batteries that set you off and
she's not your girlfriend. Fine. So just why did you hit her then? And
him, while you're at it?"

"Well, it's a long story, officer, but I'll try to be brief." He
inhaled deeply.  "You see, while Willie there was . . . uh . . .
diddling her, if you will, she started hurting him, making him yell
something awful. Right, Alice?" He turned toward her, a pitiful look
on his puss.

"That's right, officer, I heard it all! Willie sounded as if he was
gonna die any second! Pinny really had no choice, you see. When she
wouldn't listen to Pin's verbal commands and he couldn't find
batteries, well what . . . " 

"Whoa, little lady," the cop said. "You saying you were here, in this
very room, listening and watching, while the guy over there . . . uh,
diddled her?"

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, my immediate presence here would have made
Willie way too self-conscious about having sex in front of me to
perform very well, so . . . "

The cop said. "It would me!" Alice ignored him and went on.

"As I was saying, I was in the other room observing through the one-
way mirror. Wasn't I, Pin?" Pinwoody nodded and said, "That's right, I
was the only one in this room watching it all. She was in room C
filming it and making notes and . . . "

"Filming?" the cop asked. "You sell these films you make?" He had
directed the question, his new bloodhound trail, at Alice. Along with
his hardened gaze.

"Well, I, we, uh, that is, in a way I suppose you could say we do. Our
backers insist we make and keep accurate records, films and what have
you, and as they pay our salaries, I guess, for absolute truth and
clarity, yes . . . we do sell them. In a way." Alice thought: That
should be clear enough for even this dullard. It wasn't quite that
clear to him.

The cop said, "How long you two been making these porno flicks?"

Alice laughed. "He thinks we're a porn shop, Pinny! Ha ha ha! Isn't
that a riot?" She looked defiant.

Pinwoody said, not laughing at all, "That is funny, but not a bad idea
if you think about it. Why not film Respy in pornographic sexual
action, Alice? We could bill her as the world's first female porn
star, who is a ro . . . "

"Hey, you two," the cop barked. "Stay on track willya? Business later.
Now, Professor, suppose you tell me all about the baseball bat. OK?"

Pinwoody nodded. "Well, as I said, Respy was hurting him . . . "

"How?" the cop asked. Pinwoody looked embarrassed.

"Well, you see, officer, she, Respy that is, was . . . uh . . .
tightening her vagina around his penis. Well, with a pressure of one
pound per square inch in her vaginal canal, she was hurting him real
badly, as I'm sure you can imagine. Well, I had to  . . . " Alice
jumped in. 

"That's right, officer, Willie was actually screaming. Kept yelling
that Respy was ripping his dick right off! She really wasn't, of
course, she was only squeezing it, but Willie didn't know that fact.
Right, Hon?" These two, thought the cop, are some pair! Cool as ice.
And fucking heartless to boot.

"Right, sweetheart. Now, where was I? Oh, yes, Willie was screaming up
a storm, so I knew I had to act pretty quickly. Before his blood
clotted and gangrene set in, which would have caused permanent damage
to his member, as I'm sure you know. Well, what was I to do? She
wasn't responding to either verbal or remote commands, so I thought it
best to put her out of commission. That's when I remembered my old
Mickey Mantle bat in the closet. I gave her just one good smack with
it, right in the face, because that's where her main function controls
are." He paused, taking a breath. "But it didn't work. She just
wouldn't stop screwing him and gyrating her hips. So I hit her a few
more times."

The cop said, "That do the trick?" He grinned at Pinwoody.

"Actually, no, officer. While it did stop her arms and legs from
moving, her damn hips kept gyrating. And vibrating, too. Damndest
thing. Really surprised me, I can tell you. Look? See for yourself.
She's still gyrating, the robotic bitch!" He pointed toward the bed. 

The two cops looked at the same time. Respy was slowly rotating her
groin in a definite clockwise direction. The female cop, who had been
quiet the whole time, now gasped and said, "Geez, Phil, you ever see
an after death thing like that?"

Officer Phil shook his head. "Not in twenty years on the job, Jill."
He was now scratching away at his left ear.

Pinwoody felt he just had to straighten them out. "You two officers
are under a big, oh, so big, misconception. Respy's not dead! As I
said, she's only out of commission. After all, you can't really kill a
female ro . . . "

"She's outta commission, all right!" Office Phil said. "Now,
professor, why don't you continue your little tale? OK? I'm all ears."

Pinwoody gave up. "All right, officer. Well, you see, with Willie in
great pain, I figured the only way to solve the problem was to put him
out of commission, too. But with just a tap of the bat, and certainly
not as hard as the way I hit Respy. I wanted to . . . you know . . .
to make his penis go into the flaccid state, to make his . . . uh . ..
erection go down . . . "

That'd do it!" said Phil the cop. Pinwoody ignored him.

"But I didn't want to kill him, so I tried to hit him in the head just
hard enough to knock him out. And it worked! He went real flaccid,
real quick like . . . " 

"I'm sure!" said Phil, the cop. Alice chipped in. She didn't like the
tone in officer Phil's voice. He was poking fun at her Pinny.

"It was brilliant thinking on Pin's part, officer, if you can
appreciate it, which I don't believe you're capable of." She glared at
officer Phil. "I, myself, given the pressure of the moment, doubt if I
would have thought of it. But, to give myself a little credit, the
moment I saw Pinny raise the bat over Willie's head, well, I knew
right away what he had in mind and how brilliant his idea was. Well
done, darling!" She smiled warmly and lovingly at her Pinny. He smiled
warmly and lovingly back at her. What the two cops thought had nothing
to do whatsoever with warm and loving feelings.

"Thank you, darling," Pinwoody said. "I guess I do think quickly on my
feet sometimes." He turned back to officer Phil. 

"As I was saying, officer, hitting him worked and Willie was soon as
limp as a baby. Now, it certainly wasn't a piece of cake, as you can
surely picture, getting him . . . uh . . . unplugged from her, so to
speak, but after a bit of pushing on his hips, and a few tugs on his
legs, well, he just popped right out of Respy. You could say that I
had, and rightfully so, kept gangrene from creeping into his sore and
swollen member. And, knowing Willie, I bet he thanks me for it when he
finally comes around." He gave an affectionate looking glance in
Willie's direction.

Willie was now sitting up on the bed, the two paramedics fussing over
him.

"See, officer?" Pinwoody said. "He's okay. I didn't hit him any harder
than I had to." Pinwoody smiled warmly at the cops. Almost lovingly.
Then Pinwoody turned to Alice.

"Whether the backers like it or not, Alice, I say we should double
what we're paying Willie. He deserves it, don't you think?" 

"Absolutely, Pin!" Alice said, nodding vigorously. "He was, after all,
injured in the line of duty." Pinwoody nodded.

Phil the cop said, "You two saying you paid this Willie guy to have
sex with this Respy person? While you two were going to do nothing
more than just watch? That it?" Alice fielded the questions.

"That's right. Willie wouldn't have done it for free, now would he? He
knew full well it was the first time for her, you know, having sex,
and, as such, it was experimental and there could be unforeseen
problems, like . . . "

Phil the cop said, "Like getting his thing half squozed off?"

"Correct! And who knows what other quirky problems there might have
been. We're lucky her legs didn't try to squeeze him to death. My god,
Pinny, just think if that had occurred, the backers . . . Brrr!" She
shuddered at the idea.

The female cop, Joan, went over to the bed and looked down at Respy's
smashed face. "You did a helluva job on her, Mr. Pinwoody, but what
are all those wires and things coming out of her face?" She turned
back toward Pinwoody.

"Oh, those! Unimportant now, really. That's just part of the backup
circuit board I tried to jam into her uncooperative brain. But it
wouldn't go in. I guess the short, if that's what it was, must have
fried things together and caused a blockage. Damn thing got stuck and
wouldn't go in or out, so I had to leave it in there." He turned to
Alice.

"There's a hundred bucks down the old draineroo, eh, Ali?" 

Alice nodded and said, "Now, now, dear, don't you go blaming yourself.
It wasn't your fault she froze on Willie. The backers will
understand.. . "

The cops sure didn't. Officer Phil said, "Listen, you two. If you
don't mind cooperating with us, we'd like to see that film you made of
it all. If you have no objections, that is." He glared at Pinwoody and
then at Alice.

Pinwoody said, "Be my guest, officer. We want to cooperate. Fully."

Alice said, remembering something, "Pin, honey, are you sure it's such
a good idea? The beginning of the video does have me and . . . "

"Alice," Pinwoody said. "We don't want these two nice officers here to
think we've anything to hide, now do we? Well, do we?" Alice shook her
head. Meekly. Pinwoody said, "Good! Officers, we can watch it in room
D. Now, if you will follow me this way, please . . . "

* * * * * *

ROLL 'EM IN ROOM D! And they did. In front of an audience of four. 

Alice watched. With reddening cheeks, as there she was, big as life,
moving her sweet ass cheeks up and down while doing the hanky-panky
with her Pinny Winny. To her further chagrin, she realized she had
forgotten to change the angle of the camera. There were no shots of
Respy doing the hanky-panky with the crash-test dummy.

Pinwoody watched. With a very proud grin on his mug. He didn't know
it, couldn't know it at the time, but it's true the camera adds ten
pounds to a person. Judging from his grin, you'd swear the whole ten
pounds went straight to his lady pleaser.

Officer Phil watched. Did he ever! With eyes that seemed utterly glued
to the up and down moving ass of the beautiful professor Hames. If you
had popped your head into room D at the moment, you would have saw his
head going up and down as it kept time with her motions. Up. Down. Up.
Down. And, if the lighting hadn't been so dim, you would have sworn
you saw him salivating.

Officer Joan watched. But she couldn't seem to get into the spirit of
the lewd moment. Why, when officer Phil shot her a cute little glance,
she had the mood-killing audacity to say to him, "In your dreams, you
perv!"

They all watched. Watched, as Respy took on the graduate student,
Willie, in the bed arena. Willie was doing real well, even seemed to
have the upper hand one time, at least until Respy fouled him by
squeezing him below the belt. A definite no-no in any arena.

They all watched. Watched, as old Pinwoody showed just how well he had
learned, years ago, to swing a genuine Mickey Mantle autographed
baseball bat. Even if the baseball had been replaced by a human head.

And during this alarming sequence, the audience Pinwoody looked proud.
The audience Alice looked happy. The audience officer Phil looked
angry. And, don't forget her, officer Joan looked sick. She even
whispered, loud enough for all the other audience members to hear,
"That poor woman!"

Alice showed no sensitivity whatsoever when she told officer Joan, in
an equally whispered tone, to hush it up now. Ms. Moisty Mound, it
seems, didn't want to miss a trick on the TV screen.

Well, the film ended right after Pinwoody had given Willie his little
love tap. On the screen, Pinwoody could be heard saying to Alice,
"Call 911!" Fini.

Then Alice made two sure enemies in room D when she stood up and
clapped. And yelled, "Bravo! Way to go Pinny! Bravo!"

It was too much for officer Phil, not to mention officer Joan. Officer
Phil went quickly over to the wall switch, cut on the lights and went
quickly over to where Pinwoody was still sitting.

"You're under arrest, professor Pinwoody, for the murder of the woman
named Respy." Pinwoody looked stunned. His mouth hung open.

The cop took out the cuffs. And, as he placed them on Pinwoody, he
said, "You have the right to remain silent . . . "

Pinwoody said, "But, officer, she's just a female ro . . . "

"Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law . . . "

Alice said, "For Christ's sake, she a ro . . . "

"You have the right to have an attorney present now and during any
future questioning . . . "

Pinwoody said, "But she's a ro . . . "

"If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you free
of charge if you wish. Do you understand these rights?" Pinwoody
nodded.

Alice nodded, too, but she didn't know why. But it was good she had,
for the in the next moment . . .

Officer Joan said, "You too, miss. Hands behind the back. You're being
taken in as an accessory during the fact." Her cuffs, the old
bracelets, were dangling from her left hand.

Alice said, in protest, "You fucking idiots! She was a robot, for
Pete's sake!"

Pinwoody said, "She's right you know, Respy was a ro . . . "

"You professors are something else," said officer Phil, scowling at
them. "Kill a poor woman just because her performance was a little
stiff. You two ever consider her feelings? How maybe she tenses up
having an audience gawking at her while she's making whoopee?" He
turned to officer Joan.

"Nah, not these two, Joanie, they can't see shit from way up there in
their ivory towers." Officer Joan nodded vigorously and said, "You got
that right, Phillie!"

As the two officers led the two suspected perps out of room D and back
into room C, they could all see that the crime scene crew had arrived.
One of them, a female, was bending over Respy's lifeless body. Anyone
with even one good eye could see Respy's gyrating had finally ceased.

The female CSI said, "Holy cripes, this ain't a lady, it's a ro..."

"C'mon you two," Barked officer Phil, yanking on Pinwoody's arm.
"Time's a wasting . . . "

The End.