Author: Arthur Kay Title: Let Rudy Toodle Do You!  Summary: Rudy
Toodle is the answer to any frustrated wife's prayer.  Then again . .
.  !  Keywords: Humor, MF

WARNING: This story is an act of fiction that contains graphic sexual
descriptions and language.  If you are a minor (under 21) or if you
are offended by this kind of material then you should stop reading
now.  Any resemblance between this story and a real event is
coincidental.  The participants are imaginary; their actions have no
negative consequences other than those portrayed in the story.  The
story is intended for entertainment and should not be emulated in the
real world.

Let Rudy Toodle Do You!

by Arthur Kay

Sue's marriage to Paul Pringle was in its third year and it was all
ready showing signs of strain.  They were snapping at each other over
the smallest and silliest things imaginable, such as toothpaste cap
replacements and leaving the toilet seat up, or down, take your pick.

Well, whether the damned seat was left in the up or down position,
their sex life was in the toilet, too.  Paul had taken to popping his
cork in her a measly once a month and, in her view, with about as much
passion as a wet noodle.  And, lordy, lordy, it had started to feel
like one, too. Semi-hard and al dente at its best.  How he managed to
cum in that state of erection fully amazed her.

All this, and much more, had just been confided to her best friend,
Sara Burns, as they sat over lunch at their favorite cafe, The Gilded
Cage. Sara just listened attentively and compassionately to her
friend's tale of marital woe.  When it looked as if Sue had nothing
more to add, Sara tossed out some advice.

"Fuck it, Sue, take a lover!  I did and he's fantastic.  No!  He's
beyond fantastic.  He's . . .  he's . . .  he's magical!" Sara had a
dream-like look on her face.  "I've never been happier.  My marriage
is better and my spirits are too." Seeing the look on Sue's face she
added, "Oh, don't look so shocked.  It's not as if the thought never
entered your mind now, is it?" Sue nodded very slightly.

"But, Sara, it's so fraught with danger and besides . . .  "

"That, Sue, old pussy, just adds more excitement to it!" She grinned.

"I guess.  But shit, Sara, I wouldn't know where to begin, where to
find one.  I'm not going to troll the bars with a desperate look on my
puss and a sign on my chest that says I need a good porking, now am
I?"

"No prob, honey.  You can use mine!  I don't mind sharing him.  Why
should I?  And believe me, with his stamina and his 12" horse cock,"
Sue's eyes widened, "he'd jump at the chance to jump your bones." Sara
took a sip of her Bloody Mary and went on.

"You just say the word and I'll send him 'round.  And since he's a
free-lance gardener his time is his own, which means he's available
most times.  Just ask Betty Wade, she uses him from noon to one each
and every Friday.  And, darling, who ever suspects the lowly gardener
of anything, uh, dirty, eh?" She winked at Sue.  Sue thought, Betty
Wade, that Betty Wade, the pillar of the church and a community
stalwart?

Sue asked, a look of mischief on her face, "What's his name?"

"Rudy Toodle.  A funny name, but as we girls just love to say, 'Let
Rudy Toodle do you and your troubles are gone and great big orgasms
are just beginning!' Amen on that!" She lifted her glass in a toast
and took a sip.

Sue had seen the man working at various gardens around town.  And now
that she thought about it, the women whose gardens he so lovingly
tended sure had smiles on their faces--all the time it seemed.  No
wonder!

She matched Sara's toast by clinking glasses, took a quick sip and
asked, "Does he really have 12"?" She had a look of disbelief on her
face mixed with awe.

"Oh, yes!  And about as big around as my wrist!" She held her arm up.
Sue just stared at the wrist, her mind working overtime thinking about
what such a member could do to a woman.  She shuddered in her seat.

"God, Sara, that'd split me right in two!" Sara laughed.

"Honey, do I look cleaved to you?" She grinned broadly as Sue laughed.
Why not?  She thought, why not let Rudy Toodle do me?  She giggled to
herself.

"Set it up, Sara!' Sue said.  "I'm game.  What the fuck, why not?
Paul's going on a business trip for the whole weekend and won't return
until late Sunday evening, so I could see Rudy at, let's say, two,
three o'clock in the afternoon.  If he's available, that is." She
smiled conspiratorially at Sara.

"You got it, girl!  I'll call you with the details.  In the meantime,
here's to Rudy." She raised her glass, Sue following suit.  "Let Rudy
Toodle do you!  Cheers." She waited for Sue to say the expected.

"Let Rudy Toodle do you!" She clinked glasses with Sue and they both
took lady-like sips, excitement permeating the air around their table.

It was Sunday and Rudy was due to arrive at 2:00 p.m.  She was as
excited and as nervous as a teenage girl giving her first handjob.
Following Sara's advice, all she had covering her was a pink set of
see-through baby doll pajamas, making her nipples and crotch hairs as
visible as if she was naked.  But she knew the overall effect was
still leaving a tad to the imagination.

Her sexual anticipation had her so excited and worked up that she had
to change the panties part of the set twice, so puddled up were they
by her pussy juices.  She had gone from pink to blue to yellow,
puddling away, and was ready to slip into the pale mauve ones when the
doorbell rang.  It was Showtime!

She went to the front door, peeked through the peephole to make sure
it was Rudy, and when that was determined, opened the door.  She
darted her eyes around the street to make sure no one was doing any
observing. Satisfied, she reached out and fairly yanked him inside.
He stumbled in and looked her over.

"Oowee, Ma'am, that's some getup." Something in the way he had said
it, coupled with a dumb expression on his face, led Sue to believe
that this guy wasn't the bright bulb in the box.  Oh, well, she
thought, it doesn't take a genius to fuck like a horse!

She gave him the once-over, too.  She liked what she saw.  Rudy stood
at just over 6' with very broad shoulders.  He was also barrel-chested
with arms that displayed well-defined muscles.  The T-shirt and shorts
he wore allowed his overall tan to be fully appreciated.  Sue felt
herself starting to swoon just at the sight of him.

They stood there, nervously, making foolish small talk for a while.
"Nice weather we're having, blah, blah, blah." You get the idea.

When Rudy Toodle reached out to pull her to him, she said, "No, Rudy,
not here!  Let's go upstairs where we'll be more comfortable.  OK?"
Rudy nodded his big head and allowed her to lead him up the stairs to
the next floor.  Oh, boy, she thought as they climbed the flight, I'm
gonna love this!

A short time later found them standing in front of the queen-size bed.
Sue giggled when she looked down and saw that Rudy not only had a
hardon, it was peeking out from the bottom of his shorts.  A good 3"
at that.  The dear boy didn't wear any underpants, she thought as she
stared at the large, exposed cock head.  And, it was twitching
something fierce, too, which made her juices flow even more.  She
could feel her thighs getting wet from the downpour.

And God, his cock head looked big!  Three inches long and as round as
a plum.  Its pink-purplish color was in stark contrast to the shaft's
tanned look, giving it a menacing air.  Sue now knew old Rudy
sunbathed in the nude.

Rudy drew her to him, both breathing hard, and kissed her.  The
electrical shock her lips felt was immediate and recognizable to her.
Passion!  Raw fucking passion.  Mixed with unbridled lust.  His super-
hot tongue in her mouth told her that much.  And much more, if truth
were told.

As they tongue-dueled this way, she felt Rudy's strong hands grab her
ass cheeks and begin to knead them roughly, but somehow gently, too.
When he ran a hand down the crack of her ass and found the bottom of
her pussy with his fingers, she moaned as if hit with a cattle prod.
"Oooooh, God!" He fingered her in this manner for a few minutes before
placing the same hand on her left breast.

The stickiness of his fingertips felt wonderful as they massaged the
nipple, which, having a mind of its own, was fully erect, swollen, and
open for business.

Still lavishing her lips with hot, wet tongue kisses, he reached down
between her legs and started fingering her vagina.  He pushed two
large fingers in and said, "You're mighty wet, Ma'am.  I like that!"
Mighty wet? You dumb ass, she thought, they could swab down the decks
of a fucking aircraft carrier with my juices.  Christ, I'll have to
clean the rug of cum puddles!

Rudy stepped back, yanked off his T-shirt and revealed a beautifully
muscled, slightly hairy chest.  As Sue slipped off the peek-a-boo top
and pushed her panties down to the floor, she looked at Rudy and
thought; I've died and gone to heaven!  Naked, she just stood there as
he lowered his shorts.

As the shorts cleared his crotch area, his now fully hard cock was
unleashed.  Boing!  It popped out and up as if it were spring-loaded. 
As it wiggled up and down in the air, standing straight out from his
groin, it looked even bigger to Sue than 12" usually should.  And its
girth!  As wide around as the bottom of a Coke bottle.  She shuddered
involuntarily at the sight of the wicked looking thing.

Standing fully naked before her, he placed a hand on the humungous
orgasm and began slowly stroking it.

"I know George is big, Ma'am," Shit, she thought, he's named it!  "But
don't let that scare you none.  I know how to work old Georgie here
real slow like so you won't feel too much pain.  Besides, Ma'am, with
all the flowin' you've been doin', we shouldn't have any problems.
None at all." Sue stood there without knowing what to say or do next. 
He solved that problem for her.

"Ma'am, I usually get sucked off a little about this time, so if you'd
come over her and get down on your knees, I'd appreciate it." He
grinned at her.  She took the two steps between them and knelt,
feeling absolutely stupid.  Then she reached out and grabbed the
cock's base.  Lordy, she couldn't get her hand around it!  She looked
up at him as if waiting for him to offer further advice.  She wasn't
disappointed.

"Now, Ma'am, if you go and get a nice mouthful of spittle, you'll see
it makes it nice and lubed up and much easier to swallow.  You'll see.
Before you know it, you'll be all the way down to my balls, with my
pubic hair ticklin' your nose, just like with all the other girls."

All the other girls?  She thought.  There's no fucking way in hell
Sara's tiny little mouth could ever swallow this large skin salami.
Or could she?  Probably, knowing Sara's determination level.  Well, if
she did it, I'll do it, too!  With these thoughts in her mind she took
the plunge--so to speak.

As her lips encompassed the huge cock head she thought: No way!  This
is not only ridiculous, it's impossible!  My lips are stretched beyond
belief all ready and the idea of this thing going down my throat, even
partially, well, no fucking way, Jose!  I'll choke to death.  Try
explaining that away to the paramedics.  And to Paul!

She could hear the EMT guy now.  "Sorry, Mr.  Pringle, but his penis
got stuck in her throat somehow and by the time we got here she was
the color you see her there.  If only the guy had been like most of us
and softened up a little she might have had a fightin' chance, but . .
.  " Yeah, Sue could sure hear it now.  But now, Rudy was saying
something else.

" . . .  and as it starts to go down your throat, Ma'am, just swallow
as if you were, hee hee, eatin' somethin' and, you'll see, it'll go
right down. Trust me.  It never fails."

With visions of a paramedic crew in her mind, she pushed her mouth
forward, past the large, ridged flange.  So far so good.  She pushed
forward some more until she felt the tip of the cock head hit her
throat's entrance.  Oh, well, she quipped to herself, in for a penny,
in for a foot! She pushed forward, opened her throat as far as it
would go and swallowed mightily.  Tears welled up in both eyes, not
from crying, but from her fight with the gag reflex's desires.

She felt her gag reflex kick in as it tried to eject the invader.  She
had anticipated this and was ready for it.  She'd read about a little
throat trick somewhere, so instead of letting her gag reflex have its
way, she concentrated and simply ignored it.  Just like that.  Ignore
it.  And it worked!  She now had full mastery over the gag reflex.
She now thought: Wait'll Paul sees my new trick!  Just might add a
spark or two.  Never know now, do you?

As she made her way down the cock shaft, heading straight for Rudy's
pubic hairs, she was amazed at herself.  Here she was deep-throating
one of the biggest pricks imaginable and feeling very little
discomfort.

Then Rudy speeded things up a tad.  He grabbed her head firmly in both
hands and pushed his cock fully down her throat in one fell swoop.
Bam! His belly hit her nose, his pubic hairs gently crashed into her
lips, and all the air was knocked out of her.  She struggled to
breathe, but quickly realized her mouth was no longer in the air
intake business.  Blessedly, Sue found that her nostrils still were.
Why his action hadn't made her upchuck was beyond her thinking.

Still holding her head firmly in place, Rudy began mouth fucking her.
He'd alternate between full, deep-throat plunges to half in, half out
ones. As he worked her mouth expertly, Sue felt her saliva welling up
and slopping out around her lips.  The abundance of saliva made his
cock slick and juicy and the going was easier.

She found she now was able to move her head up and down in sync with
his fucking motions.  Her other senses had also come back to her and
now she could smell the hot, musky odor emanating from his balls.  As
he fucked and she sucked and sniffed, the whole lurid scene got to
her.  Once again her pussy juiced started their copious flowing.  She
was hot.  No two ways about it.  She wanted to fuck this young stud
something awful.  Rudy was talking again.

" . . .  and, Ma'am, when I cum I'll pull out until just the head is
in so you get the full taste.  No sense letting it go straight to your
belly now, is there?" Oh, no!  He was going to cum!  Did that mean no
fucking this time around?  As if reading her mind, he allayed that
fearful thought.

"And don't you worry none, Ma'am.  We'll do some fuckin,' too.  I got
lots of spunk in me, Ma'am, but I like the first one to go this way.
OK, Ma'am?"

Relieved, Sue hummed an "Mmm Hmm." on his cock.  Because her humming
had made him moan, she decided to repeat it, drawing it out some.
"Mmmmmm. Mmmmm." He moaned once more.  She had a weird, giddy thought
that perhaps Rudy would like it if she hummed out Pop Goes The Weasel,
but soon dismissed the idea as being ludicrous.  But it was tempting
to do.

A few moments later, with her humming along and Rudy moaning up a
storm, he pulled back to just the cock head in mouth position and
yelled, "Here I come, Ma'am!  Get ready to take me.  Now!
Ooooooooooo!  Oooooh, yeah.  Oh, God, oh, God!  Swallow it all, Ma'am,
swallow it all!" Then he deluged.

His first big, gobby blob of cum hit the back of her throat and she
could feel part of it slipping down the passageway.  Then another full
blast.  And another.  Dribbles of large puddly pools that flooded her
entire mouth followed this.  She swallowed and the noisy gulp she made
came as no surprise.  Either to her or to Rudy.

When totally drained, Rudy pulled out of her, tilted her chin up,
looked down at her and said, "See, Ma'am, I told you you'd swallow it
all." He gave her a broad grin.  She nodded and said, "I . . .  I
amazed myself, that's for sure."

True to his word, Rudy led her to the bed and told her to lie on her
back with her legs spread wide.  He clambered between her knees, bent
his head down to her pussy, and proceeded to give her the licking of a
lifetime. She would have been able to count five orgasms if she was
able to count at all.  Count?  His expert tongue knocked out all
ability for her to even think, let alone count.  The closest she came
to still being on this planet was the moans she heard coming from some
crazy lady, a crazy lady getting her cunt reamed out.  By a gardener!

Well, old Rudy was now ready for some serious fucking.  He crawled
between her legs, sucked her breasts a bunch, and put old George into
the tunnel of love.  "Oh, my God!" she yelled as his big cock head
made itself known to her pussy lips and entered.  It was too much.  He
was stretching her vagina muscles in a way she never knew they could
be stretched short of childbirth.

As Rudy, slowly and gently, worked old George into her, she felt more
full than she had ever been before.  He was big!  And it felt so good.
The bigness of it had her going crazy in her mind.  No wonder Sara
smiled a lot! And Betty Wade, too.  And all those women with gardens! 
All lifetime members in the Let Rudy Toodle Do You fan club.  Well,
she thought, here are my dues, Rudy Toodle!

Sue was working away on her third mind-blowing orgasm when she heard
it. The unmistakable click-click of a key going into a lock.  A key-
in-lock noise that sounded very much like the one her front door made!
Then, the voice that eliminated any and all doubts.

"Honey, I'm home!  Where are you?"

"Rudy," she whispered, fear in her voice, "It's my husband!  He'll
kill us both if he finds us.  Get your stuff and go out the window.
Now!" She tried to push him off of her, but he was just too heavy.
Rudy looked at her, uncomprehending it all.  Nothing like this had
ever happened to him before.

"Rudy!  Get up, grab your stuff, and go out the window.  It leads to
our back yard.  You can get dressed there." He finally understood.

But, instead of doing it the simple way, pulling out of Sue and
heading for the window, Rudy swung his legs so they just touched the
floor, grabbed firm hold of Sue's back, pulled her up as he stands and
takes her with him, grabbing his clothes in the doing, and starts
toward the escape hole.  The silly plan now in his mind is to dump his
female cargo at the window just before going through it.

So, he crossed the room as fast as he can with poor Sue along for the
ride and totally impaled on his footlong, but fate, as fate will do,
trips him up.  Literally.  The big toe on his right foot gets tangled
under the fringed edge of a pale blue throw rug causing him and his
womanly burden to go hurtling forward.

Looking as if he's learning a weird, new naked dance, he tried
valiantly to stop his forward momentum, but to no avail.  Sue's
screamed in his ear while she prayed to God, but that didn't help,
either.

Crash!  The two of them smashed through the window as if it was made
out of papier m ch , him groaning and her yelling and praying.  And
they kept it up all the way to the ground.

Now, they sure would have been seriously hurt, if not outright killed,
if they hadn't landed on an old army cot that her hubby hadn't decided
yet whether to keep or trash.

They landed, locked in this naked lover's embrace, with a loud
whoooomp! They only bounced once before settling down, but the force
of the landing caused Rudy's pecker to drive into her so deep it made
her yowl like a female cat being pronged.

"Yeeeeoooowwww!" she screamed as the greatest orgasm she'd ever had,
mixed with excruciating pain, to be sure, came over her.  If you get
the picture.  Rudy yelled, too, but it was from pain, not from any
pleasure.

A few seconds later, Sue managed to force open her eyes and look.
Rudy, the dumb shit, had gone out the wrong window!  They were now
lying right in front of the house.  And they were not alone.

There, to Sue's right and not more than ten feet away, stood a
grouping of people.  Her next-door neighbor was there, the very prim
and proper, Lucy Willets, looking as if she was shell shocked.  A
bunch of children were with Lucy and their eyes were popped out so far
you could have hung teacups from them.

In the middle of the group stood the right reverend, Simon Murphy.
Instead of looking skyward and praying, as was his usual answer to
most problems, he was staring so hard at the fornicating couple his
eyes were red.  And his mouth was so wide open he looked as if he was
having an invisible dentist remove a rotten wisdom tooth while his
tongue hung out so far it rested on his chin.

Hearing more gasps on her left, Sue whipped her head in that direction
and saw her other neighbors, Babs and Winky Jenkins, arms loaded with
bags of groceries, just frozen dead in their tracks in the middle of
their newly paved driveway.

Babs mumbled a few "My, my's!" while old Winky just stared and stared,
his tongue running back and forth across his lips.

Our young champion stud, Rudy, not comprehending the situation fully,
or still groggy from the hard landing, or both, thought he had an
appreciative audience, so he started humping poor Sue!  Right there
under the very window that only seconds before they had flown through.

"Rudy!" Sue yelled.  "You dumb fuck, get off . . ." Her sentence was
cut off by a loud booming male voice coming to them from somewhere
below their feet.

"I'm gonna kill you, Rudy Toodle!"

Sue looked over Rudy's shoulder and saw her husband Paul, his right
hand held high in the air waving her kitchen meat cleaver, with a look
that left nothing to the imagination.  He looked like a man with
murder on his mind.

Rudy had also turned his head to look and, to his credit, he didn't
have to be told the situation was serious.  He pulled out of Sue,
scrambled to his feet, and started running for dear life, his still-
erect erection wobbling and flailing as it led the way.  It was a
sight to behold.  And everyone present was beholding it.

As Paul puffed past her, Sue heard him yell, "I'll get to you later!"
She shuddered as she watched, in horror, Paul's murderous pursuit of
the naked, pecker-led Rudy.

Sue, very mindful of the gawks and stares her nakedness was still
receiving, jumped off the cot, covered her breasts with one arm, her
pussy with the other arms' hand and headed for the safety of her
house.  Lacking a third arm, her ass was hanging out there for all to
see.  And see they sure did.

She bolted through the front door that Paul had so thoughtfully left
wide open and slammed it so hard the house shook.

In full panic mode, she went to a living room window, fingered up a
blind slat and peered out.  Yep, they were all still there, all
yakking it up.  With tsk, tsk looks on everyone's face except the
kiddies.  Oh, yeah, she was going to be the talk of the town, make no
mistake about that.  She could hear the gossip now.

"You shoulda seen it!  There she was, naked as a jaybird, screwing her
gardener!  Right in front of all the children, too.  And let me tell
you .. .  "

Her first thought was to flee.  Pack a bag, cab it to the airport and
take the first plane to anywhere.  But where would that get her?  Her
money would soon run out and there she'd be, penniless in a strange
town with nothing more than her good looks to get her through.  She
thought that idea sucked the big one.

So she did what most anyone might do in a similar situation.  She got
into a comfy robe and poured herself a double Scotch on the rocks and
snuggled down into a sofa to get her wits about her.  After a few
sips, well, more like gulps, she felt better.  And a little giddier,
too.  She raised the glass in a toasting gesture.

Out loud, she said, "Here's to public fucking!  It never fails to get
your neighbor's attention!" She had her mind made up now.  I'll just,
she thought, face the music, take my medicine and let the chips fall
where they may.  She giggled at her triple metaphor.

Feeling warm and fuzzy all over, she said out loud to the room, "I may
be out on a limb, ha ha!  with my ass in a sling, ha ha!  but I'm not
going to bury my head in the sand, ha ha ha ha!  She was having a gay
old time.

She thought: if Paul wants to kill me, so be it, but I hope he lets me
tell him, before he does, that it's partly his fault, too.  I never
would have gone to a Rudy Toodle in the first place if he lived up to
his husbandly duties and gave me a good fucking here and there.  Was
that too much to expect?  Yeah, she had a lot to tell him just before
he split her skull in two.

Time passed.  Hours passed.  It was now getting dark outside.  Sue was
on her sixth Scotch double and was feeling no pain.  Fuck you, Paul,
you shilly sit, she thought, fuck you good.  You wanna kill me, find,
jush do it, buddy.  But where the fuck are you?  Had he killed Rudy
and was in police custody?

Then she heard voices.  They were coming down the driveway and they
were singing.  She went to the front window and looked through a slat.
Paul! And Rudy!  With clothing on.  They were arm in arm and singing
The Old Gray Mare!

What the hell . . .  Her thoughts were interrupted by the two of them
coming through the front door.

"Hi babe," Paul said cheerfully as if nothing had ever happened. "I'd
introduce you, but you two have already met!" He laughed.  Rudy
laughed. She didn't.  What the fuck was going on?  Paul read her
thoughts.

"It's all OK, sweetie.  Rudy and I are buddies now.  Oh, yeah, I
wanted to kill him, even had his naked ass cornered down by the
railroad tracks, but something came over me, reality maybe, and I
couldn't do it.  I guess I'm to blame for your, shall I say,
wandering." He smiled at her.  "And when old Rudy here said, 'Hey,
mister, it was only sex!' I realized he was right." He paused long
enough to pick up her glass and take a sip.

"Well, anyway, I gave Rudy my suit jacket and we went to his place so
he could get dressed.  We had a couple of drinks and Rudy filled me
in, not only about you, but also about all the so-called strait-laced
women here abouts that he's screwing.  For one, that tight-assed
neighbor of ours, Lucy Willets.  Did you know they have Rudy over on a
regular basis for orgies?  I guess you didn't." He took another sip.

"And who do you think is also one of their regulars?  You'd never
guess, so I'll tell you.  The padre, Simon Murphy!  With all the
preaching that man does you'd never guess his favorites are doggy
style and ass fucking!" He watched the look of amazement on Sue's face
a little before going on.

"And, this'll blow you away!  Babs and old Winky dinky are always
present and accounted for, too!  How's them apples, sugar?" He smiled
and laughed.

"I . . .  I . . .  Really?" was all Sue could get out.

"Really!" was Paul's simple answer.  He smiled at her again and said,
"Now, babes, from here on in our sex life is going to go through the
fucking roof!  Rudy said he'd get us into the group next door and you
and I, sweet cheeks, are going to fuck our brains out.  Right, Rudy?"

Rudy chuckled and said, "Right, Mr.  P!" He turned and smiled at Sue.
She found herself smiling back, feeling idiotic and silly like.

"Now, Sue," Paul said.  "Love of my life, how's about you and I, right
here and right now, have us one helluva fuck session with old footlong
Rudy? OK?"

All Sue said was, "OK!" She then raised her glass in a toast.

"Let Rudy Toodle do you!  Cheers." She smiled at the two men who were
now smiling back at her and downed the drink in one gulp.

The End.