Author: Arthur Kay Title: Doggy Style! Litter-Ally Summary: Melinda Puff had heard the expression, 'Give the dog a bone!” But now her boyfriend, Kipper “Kicky” Kale, wanted her to let his dog, Gomer, give her the bone! Keywords: MF cons beast het oral humor ill WARNING: This story is an act of fiction that contains graphic sexual descriptions and language. If you are a minor (under 21) or if you are offended by this kind of material then you should stop reading now. Any resemblance between this story and a real event is coincidental. The participants are imaginary; their actions have no negative consequences other than those portrayed in the story. The story is intended for entertainment and should not be emulated in the real world. DOGGY STYLE! LITTER-ALLY! by Arthur Kay Melinda Puff, Mellie or Mellow Jell-O to her friends because she could mold her pussy to fit any shape, had heard the expression, "Give the dog a bone!” but now her boyfriend, Kipper “Kicky” Kale, also known as 3K or Trip-K, wanted her to let his dog, Gomer, a large-dicked St. Bernard, give her the bone! That Kicky, she thought, always kidding me! He's just too, too much at times! But Kicky never kidded about sexual things. At 19, Mellie is a knockout! With a figure on her that screams out just how wonderful 37-24-28 are as meaningful numbers. Toss in long, blond, cascading hair down to her ass cheeks and eyes so limpid blue any guy would love to swim in them, and you're only at the beginning of describing her. She had breasts, only two it's sad to say but any more would kill a guy, that not only made men instantly salivate, the titties looked and felt as if they were made out of a very pliable rubber. Just like the rest of her fine body. Her skin seemed to be strangely taut, alien looking almost, as if, on the day she was born, God had run out of his usually large supply of human skin at the moment and had whipped up a special rubberized formula just for her. And that is actually what had happened, some 19 years ago . . . * * * * * * "HELL," God probably said, being himself and not fearing any crap from old Satan. "She'll thank me for it later!" Then, with a decidedly evil chuckle, he probably added, "And so will the boys, so will the boys!" He's like that, probably. But, just to assure she'd like it, God, then and there, probably, decided to never let her weight ever exceed 120 pounds, which, at this very moment in our present time, was Mellow Jell-O's exact poundage. How did he know? And, to make sure she would always stay proportional looking and not have those 120 pounds look double or tripled up on a short stature, God, probably, said to Altitudinus, his old, old angel of human heights, "Stop drinking my fermented rain clouds and listen up. I need you totally sober for this new creation of mine, the new Puff baby." "Puff?" asked Altitudinus, wiping his angelic chin. "What kind of last name is that for a kid?" God had momentarily turned away, so he snuck a quick fermented cloud sip before continuing. "Sounds awfully fruity to me! This one gonna be a male homo, eh? Like the last three? God only knows, pardon the pun, the people down there don't know how to handle the ones they have now!" "Altidudinus, Altidudinus, Altidudinus, wipe your chin, you old reprobate, you know I see all and know all, you old fool." Altidudinus knew he was busted again, but he never learned the lesson well and always tested his boss. He thought this, probably, as he wiped the strong-tasting 180 proof cumulus juice from his chin. He would have looked ashamedly red-faced, but he had forgotten how to do that color long ago. "This one," God went on, "for your information, smarty pants, is going to be a girl, if, that is, I can find a decent vagina for her. I've got to speak to Vaginus again. She's getting downright sloppy in that area. Her last two had the elasticity of builder's stone and were as droopy and as saggy as a Basset hound's ears." God frowned. Probably. "Ouch!" said Altidudinus, wincing and grabbing himself where his penis used to reside. "That's gotta hurt!" He now needed a cloud sip real badly. But he knew he would have to wait on that wish fulfillment. "Right you are, Alty, and because I've had to use a substitute rubbery skin on her that, when she hits 19, will turn her into a knockout, with a figure on her that will scream out just how wonderful 37-24-28 are as meaningful numbers, her vagina will get much use, so it has to be more than up to snuff. And I mean snuff, not sniff, you pervert!" Probably. "It has to have special qualities. Magical ones, if you will." God now told Altitudinus the size specifications he desired the new Puff child should have, having to repeat himself, as Altitudinus was quite tipsy. God waved his large hand and lightning bolts evaporated the cloud Altitudinus had been sneaking sips from. Startled, Altitudinus jumped a mile or two in the air. Probably. "Now," God then said, looking up." Go find me Vaggie, I've a real challenge for her!" As Altitudinus flapped his wings, God added, "And even one sip on the way, Alty, and I'll . . . " Whoosh! Altitudinus didn't stick around to hear the rest . . . * * * * * * "VAGINUS," God said, glaring at the she-angel. "You like being here, in my Heaven?" It was one of those tricky, trappy God-awful questions Vaginus just dreaded. It usually signaled she was about to get a good licking, a hard reaming out by her boss, at it were. She winced, and clutched where her groin used to be, as if in pain. "Y-yes, God, of course I do. Why wouldn't I? Great food and drink and you're a much better boss than the one I sometimes free-lance for, Old Lucifer. He always insists I make the vaginas burning hot and insatiable, which, I don't have to tell you, means a new slut will be born." Vaginus knew she was on shaky sky here, but she pressed on anyhow. "Christ, oops, sorry , , , he keeps using Xaviar Hollander and Monica Lewinsky as good examples. Really, now! He hardly ever listens to my ideas on it all and he's . . . " "Enough, Vaginus! I know all about your slimy dealings with that traitor. I tolerate your slutty types, my dear, within my limits, because some of the males I've created have been, well, rushed, and they seem to like that type of female. They can't seem to get enough of them, alas. But this one here . . . " God pointed to his newly forming Puff piece. "Is to be special. Oh, to be sure, I want her to be sexually motivated, a smidgen horny even, but not anywhere along the lines of your God-awful Beelzebubian creature creations. "She's to have a vagina made from this new formula of mine. As you'll find out when you work with it a while, it's a rubbery type material that easily molds itself to any shape. To keep it pliable, I want you to work closely with Vulcan, my God of fire. He'll know how much heat to apply and the perfect amount of sulfur to use to insure it doesn't get too hard. He'll Vulcanize it for you, so to speak." God probably waved a large hand, signaling Vaginus' dismissal. As she flew away, she heard over her left wing. "And, Vaggie, if Vulcan's out of sulfur again, sheesh, he can borrow a cup or two from you know who!" Flap, flap, flap . . . * * * * * * BUT THAT WAS THEN and this is now. And the now found Mellow Jell-O in a real quandary. She wanted to please Kicky on the one hand, but on the other? Yuck! Ugh! Icky Poo! was how she viewed the very idea of letting a mutt have his way with her. Even a nice, friendly mutt, like Kicky's Gomer. And, to be sure, Mellie had seen the dog's penis before. Way too many times, if you asked her. She hated the sight of the monstrous thing. All slick and oozy like, as if it was constantly in a state of sexual drool. And its size! Lordy, the size! It looked humungous to her. While not too much bigger in girth than Kicky's pleasantly feeling 2" wide penis, it had to be 9" long if it was an inch. Two inches longer, maybe more, she had surmised, than Kicky's lovable seven incher. My pussy, she thought, finally shaped its self to take Kicky's large thicko, but God Almighty, Gomer's dick will kill me! Split me right in two, it will. There's no way, Jose, I could ever mold my soft inner vaginal sheath to ever accommodate Gomer's length and ugly fatness. No way in a million years! Even with God's help! Forgive me, God. Silly girl! Don't you know that it's, oh, well, how could you know that . . . * * * * * * MELLO JELL-O was beneath her Kickyman, her rubbery legs spread wide and wiggling madly in the space around and above him, as he pumped his lovable seven incher into her, the sweat pouring off of him. He seemed to be taking much longer than usual to get himself off. She had had two mind-numbing orgasms already, which she knew Kicky knew, so she knew he wasn't trying to make her cum, as he usually did, the thoughtful boy, before he did. Damn drugs, thought Mellie, they're fucking him up again. Why can't he just sell them and not use them like normal people do? Mellie put her legs around Kicky's back, feeling the slippery wetness of his sweat. She locked her legs and squeezed them to him, feeling a slip-sliding motion in her calves. Shit, she thought, he's as wet and slippery as Gomer's ugly tongue! Yuck! And he was. From working way too hard at getting to the good part. He was now pounding her so hard, with his ass going high in the air, Mellie thought about pile drivers. Wet, sloppy pile drivers. Yuck! Finally! Kicky let out a yell, "Arrrrrggghhh-umph! and collapsed upon her, his sweat squooshing out between them, as his ejaculate poured forth from his hard-worked lovable 7 incher. Thank you, God, thought Mellie, I owe you one! And, although she didn't know it yet, couldn't know it, either, God had already figured out a cutesy pie way to make Mellow Jell-O, his first, but certainly not last, Vulcanized female creation, keep her bargain with him. * * * * * * THE SHOWER felt great on Mellow Jell-O's body as she soaped away. Kicky had already taken his shower and was now sorting out his drug supply for the evening's sales. The Quaalude he had taken earlier was starting to wear off, but he decided not to take another. No sense being stupid, he thought, Mellie's admonishment about self-use still fresh in his brain. While, as a general Kicky house rule, he didn't listen to her or take her advice, this time she made some sense. Plus, he well knew, he had to play her along nicely if he was ever going to get her to fuck old Gome. Just the thought of that huge brute humping the hell out of her tight, rubbery body, well, it got him hard in jiffy. Something that was getting tougher to do lately. It's Mellie's fault, he thought now, that our sex life is getting stale. She never wants to experiment. Try a little something new. Christ, no anal even! And never sucks my nut sack! Make her throw up, my ass! And her fucking idea of oral sex means talking about it! Her fault, no two ways about it! With these thoughts in mind, he pictured the Gomer Mellie connection again and felt a new stirring in his crotch. Oohwee! He thought, just seeing Gome's huge pecker pounding that tight, rubbery-like pussy of hers . . . Oohwee! Well, Oooh-the-the- fuck-wee! Then the stirring went away as fast as it had appeared. He was now thinking about how he had tried to get Mellie to do deep-throat. Hah! What a fucking bust that had been! In spite of showing her four hot fuck film where the starlet took a footling all the way down to the old fur, Mellie just couldn't manage it. Oh, she had tried, God knows, and had tried hard. Four times now. But even her overwhelming desire to please her Kickyman couldn't get her to overcome her gag reflex. Christ, he now thought, that last time was a doozy! A real fucking doozy! So close, she had come so close, just another two inches for Pete's sake would have done it! But, oh no, she started gurgling and sputtering to beat the band. And threw up an entire fucking Chinese meal all over my balls! And saying you’re sorry, lady, just doesn't cut it! Nosirre and no way. He looked over at Gomer, who was now lavishly licking his cock and balls and seemed to enjoy doing it immensely. God, thought Kicky, I wish I could do that! You listening, God? Probably not. "Gome, my old buddy," Kicky said. "When Mellie comes out of the bathroom, you're gonna get a real treat. A really, real treat. A fucking treat!!" He laughed and grinned at Gomer. Gomer, still licking away as if he had newly discovered that his cock and balls had taken on the delicious flavor of liver, or, at the very worst, Beggin Strips, cocked one eye and looked at his master with it. Treat? He probably thought, Did you say treat? I'm all ears . . . * * * * * * GOD! Mellie thought as she entered Kicky's living room, which was also his bedroom, the economy being what it is and all. God! He's whacking Gomer off! Priming the mangy beast, I'll bet, so he's all hot and bothered. As if Gomer needs that! Friggin' mutt would hump a rock if you spit on it! She was naked with only a towel in her hand. She dried herself some more and looked at the odd couple. There was Gomer, his large tongue hanging out, flat on his back with his legs splayed out just like a hussy, and his big dick being held straight up in the air by Kicky's manipulating hand. Up, down, up, down, went Kicky's hand. Up, down, up, down. Why, God, Millie thought, looking at Gomer's large cock, tell me why, I ever agreed to fuck Gomer? I must be crazy. Look at that dick! Fucking scary! And hairy, too! Ugh! And why indeed had she agreed to such a thing? Because she had felt sorry for old Kicky. He had worked so hard getting himself off. And, after, him dripping sweat profusely, had pleaded with her so nicely, so Kicky-like. "For me, baby, do it for me. Just this once, I promise. Just once, baby. You'll see, it won't hurt at all. Trust me! Trust me, baby." Then he had showered her with Kicky kisses, dozens of them, while the sweat poured off of him. Well, her Kicky had looked so sweet and so pitiful at the same time, how could she possibly say no? And, he promised, would only be once. Shit, she had thought, how bad can it be? You listening, God? Probably not. * * * * * * GOMER was ready. Very ready! Mellie, Mellow Jell-O, on the other hand, was most certainly not. But a deal is a deal, a bargain a bargain, and a promise a promise. And Kicky, being Kicky, expected her not to welsh. And, Mellie, her mind made up to accept her fate, had no intentions of welshing. Thus the lamb was led to the slaughter. This particular lamb tossed the towel aside and approached the human and beast totally naked, her rubbery breasts leading the way. "What do you want me to do first, Kip?" Gomer's ears pricked up. Pardon the pun! Kicky stopped his doggy pecker manipulations and look up at her. "Well, baby," Kicky said. "I think . . . hee hee . . . the doggy style position is a good place to start . . . " "Start? I thought you said it would only be one time?" She looked annoyed. "Oh, it will, baby, I simply meant start as the . . . " "Oh, OK, I see. What do you want me to do now, Kick? Assume the . . . ahem . . . position?" She giggled at her wry witticism. Kicky chuckled. "Funny, baby! Yeah, get on your hands and knees and I'll get Gome to . . . ha ha . . . doggy style it!" He put a hand on Gomer's collar and said: "Should come natural to him, dontcha think?" They both laughed. And so, on her hands and knees, her ass exposed and hanging out, Mellie closed both eyes and waited for the inevitable, the penetration into her pussy by the biggest dog dick on the planet. At least the biggest one she had ever seen. She now felt Gomer's hot breath on her ass cheeks. He was sniffing her up, checking her out, as if to make sure she hadn't hidden some liver between those cheeks. Or some Beggin Strips. She shuddered when his wet nose nudged between her cheeks, pressing wetly against her anus, and his long, wet, hot doggy tongue happened to slap against her pussy lips. She flinched her entire body again as the dog's tongue, more insistent now, actually went into her cuntal passage a bit, startling her by its heat. "Kicky! Make him stop that, it ain't right! It's . . . it's . . . unnatural. A dog ain't supposed to do that! Make him stop. Now!" She pulled her ass forward a few inches in an attempt to escape the tonguing onslaught. "Baby, baby, relax, relax!" Kicky reached out and, with both hands on her hips, pulled her ass back toward the long tongue. "It ain't gonna kill you, for Christ's sake! Gomer's gotta check you out fully before he gets in the mood. He only wants to see if you taste good before he gets to the serious stuff. If a pussy don't taste too good, a dog won't fuck it." He made that last part up. "So relax, God damn it, and let Gome whiff you and lick a bit. And, fuck, woman, the way your pussy tastes, so sweet and all, there shouldn't be no prob." Kicky smacked her right ass cheek and said, "Right?" "R-right, kicky. It just feels funny, is all." "I know, baby, but try to relax. The way you learned to do with me our first time, OK?" She remembered. Kicky had also felt like this, on their first time doing it his eating her out, as he called it, strange at first, but nice later on. Now, she thought, I can't get enough of Kicky's hot tongue! "Ooooooh! She yelled, startling Kicky. "What's wrong?" Kicky asked. "His tongue just went in a long way in. Surprised me, is all. Oooooh, he did it again! Oooooooh, that devil. Oooooh! Kicky I'm feeling strange all over." "Good strange or bad strange?" He noticed her ass was wiggling. "G-good s-s-s-trange. Oooooh! Really good s-s-s-trange! Oh, wow! Oh, shit! Ooh, ooh, ooh, oh, God!" Her ass was now moving in little circles. Kicky watched, totally absorbed and fascinated. So absorbed, so fascinated, he forgot to get turned on by watching this, his big, old dog licking her pussy out. Then Gomer surprised him. The dog's big head started going up and down, up and down, licking pussy and asshole at the same time. Up and down, up and down. Mellie was shuddering away. She screamed, making Kicky jump and falling back a foot. "OH MY GOD, KICKY, HE'S TEASING THE SHIT OUT OF ME! PUSH HIS HEAD DOWN SO'S HE'S ONLY AT MY PUSSY!" Her ass rotations had stopped, but her ass was now being pushed toward the dog's big face. "KICKY! I SWEAR! IF YOU DON'T GET HIS TONGUE BACK ON MY PUSSY, I'M NEVER GONNA DO THIS AGAIN, NEVER, YOU HEARING ME!" She didn't realize what she had implied, that she would do it again, if Kicky made Gomer behave, that is. Well, not being up on doggy pussy licking, Kicky did his best by pushing on Gomer's big head until only the hot, wet nose was in Mellie's anus. "Stay, boy, stay!" Gomer knew that familiar command very well, He stayed, his long tongue back at work on Mellie's hot snatch. Only on this go around, he decided to do a little exploring with his long, hot animal tongue. And it didn't take long for the effect it had on Mellow-Jell-O to show itself. It showed itself with by rebel yell coming out of her, "H-HOLY SHIT! H-H-HOLY FUCKING SHIT! HIS TONGUE! HIS TONGUE! HIS, HIS, HIS, HIS TONGUE!" She gasped and threw her head back. "What about his tongue, Mellie, what about his tongue?" She gasped again, as if suffocating and in great need of air. This time she answered him in a more normal sounding voice, while trying to control her shuddering. "It's so long! And it keeps, keeps rooting around in there, like he's cleaning out his doggy dish or something. Oooooh! It's h-hitting me everywhere, ooooooh! All around! Oh, God! Now it's going around in circles, ooooh! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oooooooh, shit!" She stopped, her ass pushing strongly against Gomer's face. "What is it?" Kicky feverishly asked, the stirring finally starting in his crotch. "What's he doing now?" "He, he, he's . . . fucking me! F-f-fucking me with his tongue! It's going in and out now just like a cock. And, and, and, he twirls it around as he goes in and out! Ooooooh! Mother!" She was trembling all over now. And Kicky had seen that tremble before. Mellow-Jell-O, his Mellow-Jell-O, was about to climax. And, if he was any judge of it at all, it was going to be a big one. And Kicky was an excellent judge of Mellie's orgasms. And he knew just what she would sound like during it. One short yell, a violent shuddering all over her, and then silence, no movement, just going with the flow. "OOOOOOOOOOOH, I-I-I'M CUMMING, DARLING!" Shudder. Silence. Kicky, his woody at full wood now, wondered, had she called Gomer darling, or was that meant for me? A quick sliver of trepidation shot through his mind as he contemplated the idea of losing his girlfriend to a canine. A canine he had introduced her to. Then the thought vanished as quickly as it had appeared. Mellie, he now thought, is a human after all, dontcha know? But, just in case, Kicky figured he'd better end this crap and get the dog to the fucking part before . . . * * * * * * MELLOW JELL-O, her pussy still twitching and the afterglow of her fantastic orgasm still washing over her, stayed where she was, on all fours, her ass fully exposed, ready now for the dog's other adventure. The fucking. Man, she thought, if Gomer's tongue feels that good, what's his big cock gonna feel like? Her pussy started twitching at the thought and she felt a new wetness start to form. And a new respect for doggies. Kicky ordered Gomer to sit and, while Mellie waited further instructions, he stripped himself naked. He had a simple plan in mind. Once Gomer was solidly fucking Mellie, he was going to stick his cock her mouth. Have her suck him off while the big dog doggied her. Maybe, he reasoned, she'll get so fucking hot, so out of it all, she'll swallow old Herman right down to my pubes! You never know now, do you? * * * * * * ALL WAS NOW READY. And Gomer didn't have to be told a thing. Right after Kicky has position the pooch over Mellie's backside, old Gome's large dick was in her pussy faster than you can say puppy love! Puppy love. See? It's quick to say. And old Gome didn't need to be trained how to fuck, either. Thousands of years of instincts had seen to that little detail. Then, faster than you can say, need I say it again? Gomer's fat 9 incher was bottoming out in the first human pussy he had felt. And no one had to ask poochy if he liked this as much as Beggin Strips! The answer was written all over his salivating mouth and glassy eyes. He was in dog heaven! And Mellie, bless her, didn't need any time to adjust and mold her insides to the large intruder, thank you, God. And, thank you, Vaginus! You've outdone yourself, sweet Goddess of pussyville. Thus, faster than you can say, well, you know what you can say, Mellow Jell- O's pussy lived up to its name and molded itself all around Gomer's canine schwantz. As Gomer humpity humped, his furry doggy ass pumping at the speed of light, or so it seemed, Mellie was having one bingo bango orgasm after another. They were occurring so rapidly; she couldn't catch her breath or even yell. She just stayed there, taking the poochy pounding and loving every new and exciting, magical sensation. Kicky stood there, watching with heated eyes and massaging his very stiff erection. He now thought, God, I wish I could do that! Me, too, Kicky, me too! You listening to us, God! Probably not. Kicky, remember his simple plan, went around the Mellie's front and knelt down before her. He guided his swollen member toward her face. "Suck me, baby, suck me while Gomer does you!" He pushed forward until the tip of his cock head touched her lips. Mellie, not even knowing what planet she was on, instinctively opened her mouth and took him in. Kicky liked that, probably, for he promptly grabbed hold of her head and proceeded to mouth fuck her. Shallowly to begin with. Then, while Gomer was fever pitching at it, Kicky forced the issue on Mellie. He pushed further into her mouth and then further still. He was now, he felt, passed her fucking gag reflex and she hadn't even squawked or tried to pull back. Inspired by it, Kicky fed her the entire 7" in one fell swoop. Right down to the fur! And Mellie hadn't gagged, not even a little. So Kicky did what all the Kicky's of the world would do in this situation, he pumped in and out of her mouth, going all the way down on every fourth or fifth stroke. Then, the magic hit him and he knew it was a fight now. Try to hold back, ha ha, for as long as possible, and then say uncle and let the discharge start. So, with Gomer in a frenzy, Kicky let loose, making absolutely sure his cock wasn't down her throat. He wanted her to taste him, not shoot it all straight down to the belly. "Ooooooorgh-umph!" he yelled. Then some damned fool started banging on Kicky's front door! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Just like that. It was followed quite quickly by some damned fool yelling out at the top of his lungs, 'OPEN UP, IT'S THE POLICE!" Oh, shit, thought Kicky. Oh, fuck, thought Mellow Jell-O. Gomer, probably, didn't think a thing. He was trying to finish and, from the looks of it, anyhow, was having a tough time doing just that. So he just kept a-humpity humping away as he drooled all over Mellie's back. "Get him off, Kicky! Get him off me." Kicky tried, oh, did he try, but the damned dog had other ideas, not having too much fear in for the cops. And, unknown to the two humans in the room, he had a trick up his sleeve. A trick to ensure he'd stay where he was, deep in pussy, until he finished, thank you. A trick poor Kicky hadn't bothered to read about when he read the dog lady's monograph on doggy sex. "No use, Mellie, I can't budge him. He‘s stuck somehow!" "Get some cold water, for Christ's sake, and throw it on him!" Works in the movies, dontcha know? Separates dogs in heat like nothing else. Well, old Kicky ran into the kitchen, filled a saucepan to overflowing with water as cold as it gets when it first gurgles out, and sloshed his way back to the scene of the copulating couple. But this solution works better in the movies than in real life. All Kicky succeeded in doing was getting Gomer and Mellie wet. For Gomer, the now wet-assed Gomer was still at it, and as strong as ever. Mellie and Kicky now smelled wet dog fur, from an overheated St. Bernard. Ugh! Suddenly, it dawned on Mellie what the problem was. The base of Gomer's cock had expanded so much it now lodged in her like a plug, a pussy plug, if you will, and damn it, the big lump couldn't and wouldn't be expelled, no matter what Mellie did. And she tried, for sure. Neither human knew it, might have if Kicky had been more studious in in reading, but what now resided in Mellie's pussy was Gomer's little trick, his cock knot. Which was now perfectly fitting Mellow Jell-O's pussy mold. This was a big, old knot that formed itself at the base of Gomer's cock. And this knot had now swelled up to inhuman proportions and was doing its intended job of keeping his old poochy pecker in the female, human or otherwise, until he unloaded his load. The canine way, nature's way of seeing to it the female had a better chance of getting knocked up. Man, I wish I could do that! You listening, God? Probably not. And, if Kicky had taken the time to read further, he would have learned that once that knot is formed, hell or high water, or a shitload of Marines ain't gonna remove it. Not in less than half an hour, sometimes more. Now, if the cops would only be respectful enough to come back later, at a more propitious time, well . . . * * * * * * BUT THESE PARTICULAR COPS hadn't read the etiquette handbook when it came to busting drug dealers, so they did what most cops would do in this situation. They kicked the fucking door in and rushed into the room that Kicky uses as a living room and bedroom combination. All three cops, all burly lads, stopped dead in their tracks, their eyes bugging out at the scene before them. "Holy Mother of God!" One cop said. "Jesus Christ!" Another said. You listening, God! Probably not, as usual. "Your under arrest, lady!" Said the third, reaching behind himself for his handcuffs. "And, mister, if your name is Kipper Kale, you are too!" But the poor cops didn't know it, couldn't know it, but they would have to wait a half hour, maybe more, before the trip to the stationhouse. Unless, that is, they were in the mood to arrest an innocent St. Bernard, who's crime wasn't yet determined, and bring him in, ferociously locked in heated passion, for sure, with a female perp whose crime was quite in evidence. * * * * * * SOMEWHERE, WAY, WAY, WAY HIGH ABOVE US ALL . . . God winked at Vaginus, then turned to Altitudinus and said, matter-of- factly: "Make a note, Altitudinus, to the effect that Melinda Puff's bargain with me is paid in full." He winked at Altitudinus, who was now licking his lips and eyeing a nicely fermented cirrus grouping. "You hearing me, Altitudinus, or must I . . . " Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap . . . The End.