You might be getting old if: (NOTE LARGE TYPE USED SO YOU DO NOT HAVE GET YOUR READING GLASSES) You might be getting old if: Getting a little action means your prune juice is working. You might be getting old if: Your birthday candles cost more than your cake. You might be getting old if: You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere. You might be getting old if: Your broad mind and narrow waist have exchanged places. You might be getting old if: You stop to think and sometimes forget to start again. You might be getting old if: a hair on your head worth two in your brush. You might be getting old if: you go to bed to make mad passionate sleep. You might be getting old if: your idea of getting enough exercise is a good brisk sit followed by a nice long nap. You might be getting old if: you have forgotten what your feet look like. You might be getting old if: your back goes out more than you do. You might be getting old if: hitting the road means just that and there is no one around to help you back up. You might be getting old if: you have given up all your bad habits and you still feel like shit. You might be getting old if: you have a choice between two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home in time to watch Matlock. You might be getting old if: your spouse tells you that you have changed from a stud to a dud. You might be getting old if: you can't remember the last time you had really great sex or why you came into the bedroom. You might be getting old if: the morning after lasts all day. You might be getting old if: one scotch, one bourbon, one beer means you are passed out on the floor. You might be getting old if: today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. You might be getting old if: a night out is followed by a day in bed. You might be getting old if: the only chippendales your are interested in are in an antique store. You might be getting old if: you still chase women but you can't remember why and if you catch one you can't remember what to do. You might be getting old if: your arms are not long enough to read the newspaper. You might be getting old if: if you think twitter is something that birds do. You might be getting old if: you can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. You might be getting old if: oral sex now means that you just talk about it. You might be getting old if: you don't do a 69 because there is no way you are going to do that 68 more times. You might be getting old if: a three way is something you plug into an outlet instead something you do in bed. You might be getting old if: 69 is now just the number before 70. You might be getting old if: your teeth are like stars, they come out at night. You might be getting old if: your favorite night spot is in font of the TV set. You might be getting old if: you fall asleep during Jay Leno's monologue and wake up to Al Roker doing the weather. You might be getting old if: caution is the only thing you exercise. You might be getting old if: everything has started to wear out, fall out, or spread out. You might be getting old if: your knees buckle when your belt won't. You might be getting old if: you say "I remember when..." and then forget what the hell you were going to say. You might be getting old if: Black and White was a TV set not the color of the couple next door. You might be getting old if: being gay meant that you were happy. You might be getting old if: when people tease you about your age, you beat them with your cane. You might be getting old if: get excited about the new flavor of bran flakes. You might be getting old if: you have stopped feeling your oats and started feeling you corns. You might be getting old if: shingles are not just something on the roof but that burning pain on your back. You might be getting old if: the last 50 yard dash you did was to the restroom. You might be getting old if: you remember when you did not have to lock up your car, house or your daughter. You might be getting old if: your Bowflex is now just another hanger for your clothes. You might be getting old if: you joined a health club but you'r too tired to drive there. You might be getting old if: you walk the dog in your Hoveround power chair. You might be getting old if: you get winded playing cards. You might be getting old if: you were a horse, they would have shot you by now. You might be getting old if: you can remember all the words to Gilligan's Island but can't find your reading glasses because they are on your forehead. You might be getting old if: you get lost on a trip down memory lane. You might be getting old if: if your aching bones are better forecasting the weather than Al Roker. You might be getting old if: gun control meant you hit what you were shooting at. You might be getting old if: a swinger was a child in a swing. You might be getting old if: you finally found the meaning of life but forgot what the hell it was. You might be getting old if: they hold your high school reunion at the graveyard next year. Getting old is not for sissies, I know I am there. Let me know what you thought of this @ wordweaver69@gmail.com